#idk what the forklifts would be

[flying-machine07]

The jws are really just a big family here's proof /j

Btw Sierra is another Super Hornet oc that I'm gonna draw eventually but for now she's just living in my thoughts

[bunnyb34r]

Lmaooo so pretty much since I started, my work friend who works in the freezer/cooler sections has been trying to get me to come help over there (I actually cannot as I am not SAFE certified. He knows this but still it's just a running joke) and the other week I was working Health and Beauty and he was like "hey hey hey uh uh! You're supposed to help ME!" To which I said that only one person can ask a day and Bootleg already asked that day. So a couple days ago he was leaving the breakroom as I was coming in to clock in, as was our mutual work buddy who also works that area. He goes "ah ah ah you gotta help work the cooler today. See I asked before anyone else could!" To which I said "ah man, I'm not clocked in yet, doesn't count!" And went in to clock in as they left

So yesterday our mutual work buddy was like "so I heard you're coming to the cooler 👀" (again joking) and I just said "nope he's a liar. He's telling you lies man. But I heard YOU'RE coming to clothing."

We just laughed and went on with what we had been doing.

But TODAY I guess when RC came in to lunch, he was telling Homicidal Forklift Driver that I should move to the cooler. Like trying to get someone else to back them up that I should switch bc they see what a good job I do in clothing so I would be able to make the shelves look nice there too

RC was like oh hell no, I need her in clothing man. She's like the one person there who works!

To which they both said, "yeah and imagine how nice the cooler would look!"

She told them that I actually had mentioned yesterday that it didn't really sound like a bad deal, but that I'd 100% be moved back to clothing within a month bc no one but me can handle the kids section 😅

Felt nice though having people "fight" over me/praise my work sgdgdggdg getting that recognition for how well I do my job

I really dont think I'd mind working in the cooler, or fresh, but I hate having to check for close expiration dates and the boxes are so so heavy 😰

Plus I think the girl who recovers clothing second shift would kill me agsgdgdggd she'd like come in as a customer 8am on the dot and track me down to beg me to come back to clothing bc she can't handle the mess that is kids without me 😅

Anyways that made me laugh to hear

[itstimeforstarwars]

I want to make a horror game based on my job and the horror is different depending on what department you get hired into.

[starspirals]

mmm my coworker who filled in my job while i was on vacation really fucked me overr

[the-fabulous-51]

one of these days ill post about my ocs on here and then you’ll all be sorry (positive)

[walmart-the-official]

reblog for larger sample size bitte

[doukeshi-kun]

You want some kolya in a tight fitted sweater, I gotchu fam.

I imagine he would look scrumptious in them. We discussed his frame before, and he got that broad shoulders, slim waist built. I am a strong believer in him having strong arms, so the sweater perfectly molded against his shoulders and arms would be 👌👌 like it'd be such a formal and casual look, but it defines his masculine features. Imagine his titties being defined in it 😩😩 the soft texture of the sweater against his firm chest. And I bet it smells good, too. Like his natural scent plus anything he might wear. I think he'd so pull off a sweater look. He'd look so mature and so formal but it's just a sweater

Pulling up sleeves and showing his strong forearms woof woof woof

Imagine him wearing it while wrecking your shit 🤤🥴

I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE RAAAAAAAAAAAA :barkbarkbark:

okay first of all, yes we indeed agreed that he got that BROAD delicious shoulders, SLIM TINY delicious waist and STRONG delicious arms 🤤🤤🤤 AND YOU GAVE THE PERFECT PHRASE EVER—"formal and casual, defines his masculine look" LIKE I CAN FUCKING IMAGINE EVERYTHING. imagine he's sitting manspreading shamelessly, or maybe holding your coat with that stance towering you. me, a feminist, would gladly turn into a tradwife if nikolai is my masculine husband bro

and yesyesyes i imagine his chest would be the BEST part to feel when hugging him (i am currently blushing hard). his strong arms embracing you while your head is on his firm chest that is covered with a soft fabric. i'd trace EVERY lines of his muscles through the sweater. and fuck he smells nice. TOO NICE😫 like his cologne is not too strong but not too fading either. it's just nice enough to make you want to bury your nose into his firm fucking chest and breathe into his heartbeat AGHHHHH

idk if sweater feels great when the sleeves are rolled but ik he'd take pleasure in seeing your reactions eyeing his tattooed arms. imagine he's doing hard domestic work forklift kolya? lmao with his sleeves rolled up and he's sweaty and all but he doesn't get tired at all. and yk what, he does not have to do all that because he has his ability but he does it to show off to you UGH THAT SLY BASTARD 😝🔥🔥

definitely let him bang me when he's wearing dem slutty sweater rawr rawr daddy

[class-1b-bull]

What do you hc for class 1b's backstories? Also this blog is literally giving me a supply of 1b crumbs and I thank thee 🛐

Thank you so much <3

Not proofread we die like men

Awase - he grew up in a small town that was 90% men. Probably fisherman. Also I think he has an older sister that he calls a bitch all the time but he would die for her. Pretty basic past.

Sen - ya know those basic ass dudes that get 20+ love letters a day. That was him in middle school. Other than that he had a normal past with a normal family (including his 'annoying' little siblings that think hes the coolest person alive <3)

Kamakiri - hes either an only child or the oldest of like 12 kids. He always had to take care if his younger siblings since his parents stayed at work all the time

Kuroiro - he was the only goth in a small ass town. Everywhere he walked old ass farmers would judge him for the way he dressed but now that hes at UA with a few other goths he doesn't care about being judged as much (bro is forklift certified btw)

Kendo - she had a very supportive family and was always praised for her good deeds which made her want to become a hero. Nothing to exciting shes pretty much always been surrounded by love and affection.

Kodai - other than maybe being teased when she was younger for being so quiet shes always been the same as she is now. Normal family and home life lol. I do like to think he family is loud asf tho (not like always yelling but they just have booming voices yk)

Komori - she was probably an only child. And while she was more popular in school than some she preferred to stay home with her parents or walk around in the woods to find mushrooms

Shiozaki - she definitely went to some christian private school her whole life and was probably really sheltered so thats why I think she would be a little akward when meeting new people

Shishida - lives with his rich ass grandma. Idk what happened to his parents but they aint in the picture so he was raised by this sweet little old lady instead and it shows

Shoda - idk why but I think he was raised by one of those hella social single moms. She always went out to partys and had friends over. Having so many new people around him all the time scared little him ngl

Pony - we all know most of her life she lived in America (i think California) so she spent a lot of her life by the ocean. She probably knows how to surf lol. Other than that tho she has a little brother and her parents that lived with her til she transferred to japan

Tsubaraba - his past is 50/50. Either he had a normal life with loving parents in a stable home up til UA or it was fucked up. No in-between (Ya know how class clowns almost always have fucked home lives.)

Tetsutetsu - bros biggest problem in life is having a hot mom. Hes an only child raised by a single mom and though most of his life is normal he cant have friends over because they just talk about how strong his mom is lmao. (She works out often and is the reason tetsu wants to be so strong)

Tokage - if she does have siblings its 2 older brothers and she was raised by her dad after her mom died when she was too young to even remember her. She doesn't mind not having a mom because her 2 older brothers gladly fill in that role for her lmao

Manga - yk how the mha universe is biased against people with mutation quirks. I think mangas birth parents put him up for adoption after seeing his quirk but in less than a year he was adopted by two artists after they saw his love for art <3 he had a normal and happy life since (this is also why his main goal is to make all the kids in the world smile)

Honenuki - Honestly he had an alcoholic single mom or something. She would always come home tired and with bad headaches so thats why hes so good at most house tasks (cooking, massages, cleaning, ect.) Kinda neglected so he matured earlier than he shouldve but he still loves his mom

Bondo - he was adopted by lesbian moms and they raised him to be the gentlemanly giant he is today. He loves his parents so much for how they raised him. His past is pretty normal and the only reason he was put up for adoption was because his birth mom not being financially stable enough or something of the sort. (She does visit him every so often tho)

Monoma - we already know he was bullied for his quirk most of his life but did you know he also lets you save 15% or more on car insurance? (Idk what to put here we already know his past rip)

Reiko - her parents divorced when she was around 8 and her dad won custody of her and she honestly couldn't be happier. Her dad looks cool asf but hes nice as hell to anyone and everyone. He also loves spooky stories and is the main reason reiko loves spooky things. Pretty normal past other than having a cool ass dad.

Rin - he transferred to Japan for two reasons. To go to UA and to get away from his parents. Dont get me wrong his parents were good people but they were kinda disappointed when rin said he wanted to be a hero. That disapproval only made him more determined to prove them wrong tho.

(More on koseis in tomorrows post)

[killiancormac]

🚗💤🐷💛🥯🤩 for aleksi <3

🚗 CAR — does your oc have a driver's license? can they drive/operate any automobiles/machinery besides cars?

He can drive + has a license, I like to imagine he got it pretty young, maybe around 17 :] he always liked to imagine one day he’d get in his car and just drive as far away from Bright Falls as possible. That never happened.

I don’t think he can operate anything other than a car tbh. It’d be funny if he was forklift certified idk when that would happen but I can see it

💤 SLEEPING SIGN — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits?

Light sleeper. His sleep could be a lot better, to be honest. He doesn’t sleep as often as he should, and when he does, he’s easy to wake. He tends to be on guard a lot, even when he doesn’t need to be. Force of habit. When he’s out hunting for Taken in Cauldron Lake, he doesn’t sleep. If he does, he makes sure it’s during daylight hours.

🐷 PIG FACE — what is your oc's favorite animal?

He’s a dog guy I think…… but more specifically I can see him really liking wolves :] follows a bunch of wolf conservation accounts on social media. This definitely extends back to his childhood too I think. I just know he had a shelf of wolf plushies

💛 YELLOW HEART — how many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any?

English and Finnish! He’s fluent in both, but he would consider english to be his first language. He’s always been interested in learning ASL, too.

🥯 BAGEL — what does your oc's typical breakfast look like? do they usually eat breakfast?

Cigarette and coffee <3 but for real, he’s not much of a breakfast person. His breakfasts, when he has them, are quick and low effort.

🤩 FACE WITH STARRY EYES — is your oc a planner, or are they more spontaneous in their actions?

A bit of both? He won't say no to a plan if someone has something laid out, and he appreciates structure where he can find it, but most of what he does is simply going with the flow.

[clonerightsagenda]

Scavengers Reign thoughts after contemplating for a bit:

I enjoyed it! While the weird little guys were interesting to watch I admit I enjoyed it more as we started getting to interhuman conflict. However the weird little guys were fun. As was the amusing contrast between pastel colors/soothing soundtrack and The Horrors.

Given the emphasis on recognizing and understanding the environment around you, it makes sense that the crew ends up staying on Vesta. Hopefully since they're in one place and not passing through unfamiliar biomes, they will not all get eaten as quickly. They've shown an impressive ability to learn to work with the planet, especially Ursula.

Big fan of Ursula! She is thriving in this role. Still a little worried about the fungus incident though. I got pretty excited about Azi in the second half because she was doing cool actiony stuff but I really enjoyed Ursula's quiet observation as her souce of strength.

We don't see Levi interacting with the humans in the closing montage. (And I have no idea what's going on with the Levilings. Levilets?) I'm curious, are they and Azi still friendly? Are the other humans perturbed by one of their robot drones gaining sentience? Or considering what they woke up to are they just like 'this might as well happen'. Imagining one of the newly awoken colonists trying to give the robot orders like they're used to and Levi going lol no.

The space death cultists seemed a bit out of left field, but I'm choosing to interpret the lily as a decomposer that brings things into some kind of planetary mycelial network afterlife, with Levi as a spokesperson for it. (With a dead woman's voice, no less. I was kind of wondering if we'd see one of the flowers growing from Sam and then have Levi say something only Sam would know. The planet wanted to assimilate that man So Bad.) In that case having two different takes on centering death could be an interesting potential conflict.

Bold choice to leave the psychic baby (or Hollow, if I must)'s intentions super ambiguous. How much was an animal's natural behaviors getting distorted by new situations? How much was Kamen influencing it? How intelligent is it? To what extent did it understand what it was doing? How is it going to handle being brainblasted by the majesty of the universe? IDK

Also Kamen is just there I guess. Azi's hostile to him; Ursula seems friendly enough. I suppose a lot of the colonists were asleep when he did the redirect, and there weren't any other crew survivors, so maybe none of them know what they did. I don't think Azi's the type to spread it around, even if she's personally annoyed by him. Can he speak and he's choosing not to, or did everything he went through change him? What do you even do after being psychically controlled by a weird frog pretending to be your wife. Gardening I guess. If he'd stuck with gardening in the first place he wouldn't have ended up in this situation.

I know the show got cancelled on HBO Max and we'll see if it survives the Netflix curse (probably not. Netflix loves cancelling shit) but tbh I think it works pretty well as a standalone! Bask in the majesty of nature. Do not try too hard to understand what's going on. Cheer on Azi's forklift prowess. Admire Ursula

[fuckablerobotbracket]

Not a judgement just a curiosity: why do so many people wanna fuck roller coasters?

Okay, the reason there are so many roller coasters is because I had to get rid of a lot more minors than I anticipated, and I knew if I asked this blog I would get too many suggestions for me to know what to do with. So I asked my friends (and I'm glad I did or ART for example wouldn't have been in here!)

My own personal social circle includes a fair amount of amusement ride nerds, some of which are objectum for amusement rides, most of which aren't. So if they sent me a roller coaster I just put it in.

My mistake was thinking that going "that's a sexy roller coaster" was a niche thing? Because in my experience, most people have a pretty mixed opinion about roller coasters. A *lot* of people will launch into unprompted rants about how much they hate roller coasters if you mention you like them. Recognizing something like Disaster Transport requires you to either be a ride nerd, be from northern Ohio, or both. Of that subset of people, the amount of people who won't call you insane for calling a ride hot is even more minor. The amount who AGREE is even smaller. The amount for whom that is NOT a metaphor, the ride IS sexy, is MINISCULE. No hate to objectum, but it's a niche within a niche. So I thought it wouldn't affect the bracket to include them.

I suspect people are voting for roller coasters for a mix of the following reasons:

If most of the above made no sense to you, it's funny to vote an inanimate object in a sexiness poll

The Venn diagram between "people who wouldn't hesitate to call a machine with no semblance of human form sexy" and "people who follow the robot fucking bracket" is more circular than I anticipated

They want the other character to lose for whatever reason (I didn't put them against any particularly unpopular characters iirc, but idk)

They genuinely think the ride is sexy and have been given an anonymous option to say so

Anyways, this is part of why I want to do a losers bracket eventually. I knew getting rid of 96 characters in three days would be rough and I feel bad for those of you who are losing to like, a forklift, a roller coaster, or a fandom favorite from a really popular fandom. It'll be a while before that's a possibility but I do want it to happen!

[peekpeej]

I've got a headcanon and I would like to know what you think about it.

Varian is actually pretty damn strong, like one day some years after the series he asks Eugene to bring a toolbox to him, but Eugene just can't get it off the ground.

Lance who sees this walks over to him and is all smug but when he tries to lift the toolbox it won't budge either.

After that they try it together, without success, and Varian finally comes over and... picks up the box with one hand like it's nothing.

Later Eugene invites Varian to a tug-of-war with him, Lance, Rapunzel and Maximus, all of them on one side and Varian on the other.

After a few minutes Varian thinks he has wasted enough of his time and pulls the rope, causing three people and a horse to land flat in the mud.

pfft i can see this being the actual plot of an episode, especially the beginning part

varian being strong hc is >>>>>> like, it makes so much sense? idk how i didn’t think of it sooner!

i imagine the main cast just like. doesn’t notice ever, because varian’s always wearing loose fitting clothes and gloves. it’s probably a shock to hugo and nuru too, though yong would probably believe in varian lol

hugo’s probably the most embarrassed about it because varian can easily lift everything while hugo. struggles. but he is also conflicted because his brain is screaming “pretty boy lift” over and over

nuru just uses varian as a glorified forklift

[ettadunham]

i'm still doing my shtick where i play random adventure games spit out by the power of magic and anime i guess, but i have fallen behind on archiving this process for posterity and whatnot. so, let me start with a banger, a gem, an absolute masterpiece...

SHENMUE (1999)

now, this game definitely has its existing audience, but if you're a doofus like me, here's a bit of a rundown. you play as ryo hazuki, a teenager whose dad just got murdered, and you've sworn to avenge him!!! you know, classic stuff. finding the killer however is not as straightforward as it might seem first, and requires hefty challenges, such as... running around, asking questions, beating up high school girls, and getting a job. a real slice of life experience!

the combat system is actually pretty cool, there's a bunch of moveset combinations you can learn and even refine by practicing. there are also tons of QTE events, and one tiny stealth section, that makes the story-related gameplay flow.

the thing however, that shenmue is most recognized for today, is probably its revolutionary open world system and day/night cycle. every day you wake up, take your daily allowance, do whatever daily routine you prefer, and then go outside to continue your quests. or just hang out in an arcade playing games. the world is your oyster! events are also time and even date sensitive (bunch of them are also optional interactions), so sometimes, you would have the time to kill anyway!

this, and the fact that you literally have to do a daily job at some point in the game is what seems to put off a lot of people, but... idk. i actually quite enjoyed this aspect. (shenmue II changed this a bit by letting you have the option to skip time when there's a quest event, and it's a nice to have, but i have a whole different beef with that game. i'll get back to you shenmue II!!!!)

also, forklift driving rules actually! god, i wish i was forklift driving rn.

another aspect of shenmue that i enjoyed is how cinematic it is! sure, it's done within the confines of 1999 graphics, but still, you can tell the effort and direction that went into making the most of those early restrictions. one of my favorite scenes is where ryo and his not-girlfriend girlfriend nozomi are riding on a motorbike together. not just for the cinematics, but because neither of them are wearing helmets, and nozomi is sitting on that bike as if it was a sidesaddle. love is when you and your partner have one braincell and zero survival instinct between the two of you <3.

so, yeah, in case you couldn't tell, i really enjoyed this one, and would absolutely recommend! but just in case you need one more incentive: you can pet the cat. as many times as you want. 🐈

[chounaifu]

HIGHLIGHT REEL

In honor of my one year long return to the RPC, I'm going to share my favorite RP/OOC memories across all of my blogs from the past 12 months, completely out of context. If you recognize all of them, you'll get a door prize or something idk.

"That's a stereotype, and you should look inward."

"Why are you in my room???" "WHY IS EVERYONE IN HER ROOM????"

Dank Herba

Storm Area Zero: They can't stop all of us

[Professor Sada Icon] Hit the Gritty Aldrés

Women Want Me: Veluza Fear Me

"I'm not building a STAR TRAIN."

"Here comes Larry McBozo the Tax Evasion Clown."

"YEAH I knew Jack-Homo would understand." "My name is GIACOMO."

"I am Giacomo and I'm not a vocaloid."

Giacomo becomes a vocaloid.

"Which one of you. Has Tupper Jesus???" "It's Rex"

"The reason Giovanni was never caught is because he spoke Italian and scared the cops."

The Gross Beat.

Kotone. . . . . . . . . . . Its me, Giacomo

Droopy Hello Kitty

Giacomo threatens to kill Ghetsis with a forklift. Ghetsis threatens to kill Giacomo for real.

[ Confetti, and cheering ] A Gun

The power of friendship kicks in [ Mabosstiff is flashbanged ]

Comfort character anon

"I hear they call you the silly little pizza man."

Alistair does a drive-by.

Mela becomes the Doomslayer.

"Proton, why are there BITE MARKS in the drywall????"

Ants in the coffee machine. :)

89 packs of ramen

KRANKENWAGEN

ᵉᵉᵉ

L + Ratio + your blue hair and pronouns

Proton's Knifeapalooza

9/10 venue, got shot here, would come back

"WE GET IT JAX, YOU HAVE A COMICALLY SIZED PENIS."

"I'M Ken, YOU'RE Barbie."

"Boss is going to watch the Barbie movie with me."

The American Psycho Team Rocket Speech

"NOOOOOO I'M FRENCH."

Gatorade should be thicker

"Get banana'd." -Proton is turned into a banana.-

Proton is then somehow smarter as a banana?????

Gold's Teddiursa waterboards Proton

Babygirl lost his arm

"What the Clefuck is going on here?"

That one time everyone stayed up until 1 am for some reason on the dash and we all swapped embarrassing life stories.

Plane, using the wrong tupper: Proton shut the fuck up

The Bad Parents Club

Proton spends $300 on plush toys for Ree

The Stardew Valley Launchshipping Saga

LusaMemes

Lysandre and Lusamine arguing like a divorced couple.

John and Lusamine arguing like a married couple.

FEESH PUNCH "Starmie knows psychic" NO FEESH PUNCH

"By the way, I am bisexual-- oh, wrong ask box."

"OH so you're homophobic now? Unbelievable."

Take THAT A E T H I E S T S.

"Padawan Anakin is why I hate men."

They/thems will tell you "I know a place" and then take you to the end of the map.

"Thanks for taking me to the abyss I guess."

[spiked-mall-goth]

can we hear your barbie thoughts?

okay heres just the copy paste from my letterboxd. (whew wee is it LONG)

i was so excited. that one is on me.

movie so so confusing. i thought i was in for like an absurdist comedy, but it was like forced feminist political commentary?? do NOT get me wrong on this one okay, i have seen so many people get torn to SHREDS for saying that they didn't like this movie bc they hate #girlpower. i am not one of those people. but idk abt u guys but i feel like its not that hard a concept to have a good female empowerment movie without just telling us straight in our faces that its female empowerment ALL. THE. TIME.. felt like i was being spoon fed with a forklift. theres this really cool special tactic called… subtlety.. wow its a crazy thing. they spent so much time shoving a message down my throat they.. forgot what it was.??? like they lost track of what they wanted to say like a million times over it was annoying. they said so much to mean so little. messaging so muddled the barbies literally interfered with a fucking government election and got away with it. they didn't want the kens to have any power so they took them away from the pink house and voted without them to put themselves back as the only leaders. the fuck barbie. i feel like the solution in barbieland was not to just fucking reinstall the matriarchy but instead work together as one to create an idyllic society where the barbies and the kens can live side by side without one towering over the other. the kens were not being horridly mistreated b4, but i understand wanting to be treated better. and i could have some mild sympathy for them, but as soon as they took over barbieland they just treated women like shit making them doing everything for them. and yes that is no good, but its interesting to me that the barbies did not take this as a lesson at all?? like they did not look back and really go, 'huh,, maybe you should ALSO have rights bc being seen and treated as inferior is not okay.' no they took it as an opportunity to shove more fucking glitter coated instagram infographic #positivity down my throat. i understand that this was kinda the point, to be like look! this is what its like and the 'just be yourself' solution means nothing in the end! just like the real world! but why would i want that? why would i want a backwards version of a fucking corrupt system that doesn't work? it doesn't work this way; flipping it, well guess what it still doesn't work. this is fucking barbieland, i WANT them to all be happy and equal in the end! i don't want to think about how awful everything is! its a fantasy world, why would you want to model it after the horrible deep sucking never ending vacuum into the black hole that is the real world? its my barbies and kens (and allen) and damnit i think that they should be happy. also side note, how tf did the kens brainwash the barbies??? like the fuck was that? to me that implies that the barbies also had the kens brain washed to be only accessories. like whoevers in power just has control over the other group? this movie makes everyone like a fucking monster.

can u believe i have more to say? turn back now bc i will never stop typing.

ummm kinda hated that random ass woman and her child? and i hate even more that i can refer to them as that. they were horridly bland fucking ONE dimensional characters. no personality, no real development, nothing. just a forced under-devloped mother daughter sub-plot that if my mother had seen would've cried and made me feel like it was my fault for growing up. (normal mom behavior or just me….??)

mattel, you fucking sleazy greased up wet RAT. you canOT,,, okay listen to me… CAN. NOT. make a movie like 'corporations bad! they dont hire women! rampant consumerism bad!!'. baby girl look in the mirror, its not funny, its not being 'self-aware', it makes me feel,, bad. like you can get away with anything bc you actually can. making literal cartoon goons of yourself as some sort of distraction from all of the very real major issues that are happening in the real world corporate mattel company is rancid. you can to be as 'self-aware' as you want but the bottom line is that you just flat out dont care. you won't change anything. trying to be funny about it makes me feel sick. you can't make capitalist consumerism the movie and try to be like 'yeah thats so bad right guys? you guys also hate corporations?! great!'. you cant have your cake and eat it too.

i liked allen. allen sweetheart baby girl darling dear honeybun beloved i'm so sorry the filmmakers hate you. dude literally had like 6 lines. justice for allen.

out of all the 'shameful' barbies i was actually most excited to see the inclusion of video cam barbie!!! i wanted that bitch soooo bad.

laughed a handful of times, as fucking painful as the depression barbie ad was i laughed really loud at the bbc pride and prejudice joke. i thought the godfather joke was also very funny. some of the doll jokes were funny, but its like okay guys this was low hanging fruit to begin with lets not repeat them like ten times over. the n-sync allen joke also got me. i know i laughed a bit in the theater… but as of right now i'm drawing a blank on standout jokes. that says smth huh?

i like the big ken dance number when they went to like abstract reality zone. that was good. now just remake this movie but like that. it needed to be more loose and fun, alter reality for a dance number! do that!! i want some goddamn old hollywood type of just nonsense sequences. the song was not good tho tbh.

costumes and set were… objectively very good! do NOT get me wrong. the team behind it is very talented and they did an awesome job! however. they went for more of a 'generic barbie' look for the barbies costumes and for barbieland. which to me ended up looking more haunting..? idk WHY but the lack of actual dolls just chilling around made the few real dolls stand out like sore thumbs. that and also it felt like edward scissorhands type of suburbia. complete pastel hellscape. the thought of living in a 'perfect' pink pastel world where everything is the same everyday forever and if ur slightly different you literally get banished forever is horrifying. wheres all the girl power huh?? what happened to women helping women??? nope, you look kind odd?? sorry we hate you forever.

the ending was also just a hot hot garbage fire. whhyyyy did barbie decide she no longer wanted to be a barbie……? i feel like i missed that part since we were so focused on ken. oh so its bc she saw just a fuckinh home video slideshow?? yeah okay whatever just roll credits so i can leave now pls. a gynecology joke. really?

feminist movies do need to be made. but why with barbie? she has never been a feminist icon. this isn't her domain. she's just barbie. and trying to attach real life feminist issues to a fucking plastic doll to be bought and sold, to be commodified doesn't sit right with me. shes not meant to be this complex guys, and i feel like they just completely fumbled on that. to me barbie is just there. you play dress up with her, take her on fun adventures, play with your friends, you don't pick up a barbie doll and go 'wow i would just love to have this woman be groped and then come to terms with the real world and its many problems'. thats stupid. i was in for a fun little roadtrip adventure movie with barbie and her friends. and this was just too much.

this movie was not fun and whimsical to me. it was drab, it was horrifying, it was depressing. i wanted to have a brief escape from reality, but instead i was faced with the same atrocities of everyday life but hot pink and glitter coated. which only added to the awful feeling of 'it will be this way forever.' it wasn't a silly movie about being a woman and what that means, it was a faux women power movie made by massive corporations trying to tell us that they are hip and relatable and that you should buy so much merchandise. it was just one big reminder that capitalism will live forever and it will only get worse because everyone just eats it up if its brightly colored.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 8, Part 1 ("The Inns and Outs of Inns")

I'm skipping past the second half of the previous episode (I really couldn't think of anything interesting to say about it. It was that whole thing where Rory and Paris get initated into The Puffs, and the Mother/Daughter Fashion Show). You can read my previous reviews here.

This lady held out her cup for a refill. Jess looks down at the mug and walks right past her. I found his terrible customer service inexplicably delightful. I'd say she was gonna stiff him out of a tip for that move, but no one in Stars Hollow tips anyway.

Jess: It's 7:45 am, do you want me to go to school or openly defy child labor laws? Idk, I think you should have a word with the Walmart corporation first, the place hired a 17 year old to drive a forklift during school hours. Luke: Stay out of trouble. Jess: Guess that means calling off the chickie run down at the salt flats. What in the everliving hell does that even mean? What teenager talks like that in 2001, the Year of our Lord? Damn you, AmyShermanPalladino. *sighs deeply*. *Opens Google* "A chickie run is a high-speed drag race toward the edge of a steep bluff above the ocean using stolen cars." It's apparently a reference to the movie Rebel Without A Cause with James Dean. Well, I learned some pointless new information today. Thank you, Mr Mariano. You may not serve customers their coffee but you do serve up hot steaming cups of old timey references. Lorelai and Sookie: We're coming up with names for the new inn. Michel: How about the Money Pit? The Outhouse? The Inn Headed for Bankruptcy?

Heh heh.

I only recall seeing a police car in Stars Hollow two other times (when Kyle's party got busted up and the time Jess comes back in season 4 and gets pulled over? Am I forgetting anything?). Here's the big emergency that called the mythical, rarely seen Stars Hollow Police into town. Spoiler alert: It was some chalk.

And now this pathetic town of bored people with nothing better to do are going to call an emergency meeting over some chalk. Taylor is fa-reaking the fuck out.

Taylor: I've got a dead body outside of my store! Sheriff: No, you have a chalk outline in front of your store.

Sheriff: My partner's out doing a headcount to see if anyone is missing. Until then, just hang tight. Let me remind you how many people live in Stars Hollow. Sometimes it may seem like you only see the same 15 people over and over, but the mind can play dirty tricks on you.

Yes Taylor, just hang tight for a few minutes while one police officer does a head count of nearly 10,000 people. A police officer going around counting people to see if anyone happens to be dead is one of my favorite bits of absurdity in the entire show. 30 seconds later:

Golly that was fast!

Heh heh heh. It is a pretty stupid prank. I think most of Jess' pranks are amateur at best. I believe in his potential. He could come up with something way better. The people of Stars Hollow deserved to be Punk'd for how they treat him. I give this one an A though, because it pissed everyone off so thoroughly, and that's all that matters.

Gilmore Girls wardrobe department: LAYERS! MORE LAYERS, DAMN IT! Wardrobe Assistant: He's in a shirt under a shirt under a vest! I cannot layer anymore! *cries*

Sooo purdy.

Luke jamming a screwdriver into a toaster is highly erotic.

It goes without saying that from here on out we are going to be pausing often to admire screen shots of Jess with absolutely no context. Tomatos Sign: Spotted

Oh, we haven't gotten to the part where Jess murders Shane and dumps her body in the lake. We'll get to that in season 3. In my gritty Gilmore Girls reboot titled The Hollow, there could be several justified homicides. For one example, it's canon that Luke never throws Taylor off a bridge, so my reboot would seek to correct this.

HE'S JUST A LITTLE GUY LET HIM SULK AND LURK What the hell else is there to do in Stars Hollow anyway? The image of Jess of visiting an arts and crafts store is pretty hilarious.

What the hell is AmyShermanPalladino's obsession with swans? "Swans scream one thing, Mom. Sigfried and Roy." Ah yes, another fine early 2000's tasteless "gay" insult. Luke & Lorelai are discussing the grave consequences of missing or even being late to a town meeting. To which I say, if Taylor threatens you, just tell him you're gonna squeal to the Feds about all of his shady financial crimes. That'll shut him right up.

He's been in town for like what, a week and he's already a "situation". I think that's awesome. Your mere existence on this Earth is so powerful that you've thrown an entire community into disarray. Good for you, baby. Good for you.

May I remind you again they are calling this community meeting because of some chalk. "When Mrs. Lanahan couldn't buy lettuce from my store, she drove straight to Woodbury instead." You know what, I just gotta bide my time and let the nutcase rant, because Walmart will eventually drive him out of business for good and in a double scoop of justice, I have faith that he'll also be taken down for his money laundering crimes.

This committee of 85 year olds will seal Jess Mariano's fate. It looks like Hell's waiting room. Jess loves a good town meeting because it's the only time he gets to stay home and whack off in private. Luke tries to give Taylor $1 for a head of letuce (actually, first he asks "how much is a head of lettuce?" which is something he should know if he's running a diner, but I digress. "The CHARGES against your nephew are numerous!" Let's hear them, shall we? He stole the "Save the Bridge" money. But Taylor was going to launder that money, what will he do now? He stole a gnome from Babette's garden. He "hooted" one Miss Patty's dance classes. Please try to imagine Jess ever "hooting" a woman (uhh, she means catcalling...I guess? I could see him calling out some sarcastic quip/witty observation though. He took a garden hose. Why Jess? Why? How did they know he did it? What did he intend to do with it? Where did he keep it? With the 500 baseballs he stole from the school? He set off the fire alarms at school last week. This is a more serious prank that would have gotten him in big trouble if he was caught. And again, Lane and Dean go to this school. Hello? I know at this point Jess and Rory don't know each other well, but that's still major gossip, so why are Rory's boyfriend and best friend always keeping this stuff from her? I am Jess Mariano's defense lawyer and every last thing my client does to annoy the citizens of Stars Hollow is justified. Lorelai, sarcastically: I heard he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter** (**a movie starring Mariah Carey that came out in 2001 and is regarded as one of the worst movies of all time and was a box office bomb and possibly the biggest blight ever on MC’s career). You know, Lorelai is being sarcastic by saying she thinks Jess controls the weather but she hates him so much I wouldn't put it past her that she actually believes that. I mean, she already believes that the sun shines out of Dean Forrester's ass. Bootsy: I never like the look of that kid, I knew he was bad as soon as I saw him. AGAIN HE'S BEEN HERE FOR LIKE A WEEK. The subject of the meeting turns from Jess to piling onto Luke for no good reason, and my man Lucas is just about to burst a blood vessel defending himself and Jess from these nutjobs. I honestly couldn't love him more. He's so REAL. Please don't stroke out on us, we need you. Taylor: "There is a consensus among all the towns people that Stars Hollow was a much better place before Jess got here." Kindly go to hell, Taylor Doose.

Dean spending two days on his hands and knees scraping Jess' prank from cement is a beautiful kind of justice. Edit: A commenter made me wonder how Jess made his artwork stick to the cement. Off to Google I went once again. Apparently you can use hairspray to set chalk art, but professional chalk artists use high grade varnishes to set their designs. Jess never half-asses anything. He puts his whole, cute little ass in. You also have to wonder how in a town full of unemployed busy bodies with nothing better to do than notice everything that goes on in town right down to when Rory Gilmore farts, not a single person heard or saw any of this happening. Lorelai fretting that the Independence will be sold to a corporate hotel chain is realistic and it would inevitably happen in my gritty Gilmore Girls reboot titled The Hollow. The Independence Inn would become a Holiday Inn, Luke's would become a Starbucks, Doose's would become a Walmart, and Dean Forrester's house would be a parking lot after a meteor crashed through the roof.

Someone should bash your head in with a safe.

Never in the history of mankind has a single individual sown so much havoc with a single stick of chalk.

Every time I look at that wool jacket lining I feel super itchy.

The captions should really say "okuh", and not "okay." Because that was a stellar "okuh". Get it right. Just another injustice perpetuated against Jesstopher Mariano.

Oh, she did. To be continued in Part 2 so I can add more screen shots.