#idk what I’m doing but I’m typing more
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gracie-eilish · 2 days ago
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billie x reader with a scalp massager 😭
-weirdo💙
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an: no because i fear i might melt away into a puddle of magical lovey dovey sparkleness if this ever happened.
thank you for the request love bug☺️😘
an: also pls ignore the formatting! i typed half of this on my laptop but then it died so i used my phone for the other half and now the spacing is weird. idk. the story is still there lol!!🤷‍♀️🩷
You sat on the couch in Billie’s studio, half-watching the soft glow of the lights reflect off her focused expression as she worked on her new song. She had her headphones on, brows furrowed in concentration as she adjusted the volume, then leaned in to tweak something on the keyboard. Watching her in her element was mesmerizing, but after a while, you started feeling a bit… ignored.
You let out an exaggerated sigh, hoping she’d hear it. No response. You stretched your legs out, tapped your fingers against the couch, and sighed again, even louder this time. Still nothing. Finally, you got up and walked over, poking her shoulder.
She pulled one ear of her headphones off, glancing up at you with a small smile. ��Yes?” she asked, amusement flickering in her eyes as if she already knew what was coming.
You put on your best pout. “I’m bored,” you whined, leaning against the back of her chair. “And you’re ignoring me.”
A soft laugh escaped her, and she turned back to her computer, typing out a few more notes. “Baby, I just need a few more minutes, okay? Almost done.”
You sighed dramatically again. “But that’s what you said ten minutes agooooooooo.” You circled your arms around her shoulders from behind, resting your chin on top of her head. “Can’t I just steal you away for a little while?”
She chuckled, patting your arm. “Give me five more minutes, I promise. Then I’m all yours.”
Unconvinced, you flopped onto the couch, giving her your best puppy eyes from across the room. “What if I get lonely over here?” you called out, grinning.
Billie finally looked over, her face softening as she took in your playful pout. “Oh my gosh, you are too much,” she said, shaking her head. She turned back to her work, but you could see her struggling to hold back her smile.
You decided to up the stakes. You shuffled off the couch, tiptoeing up behind her before wrapping your arms around her shoulders again, this time leaning in to plant a quick kiss on her cheek. “How’s it going, genius?” you whispered, trying to sound innocent.
A tiny blush crept onto her cheeks. She let out a sigh, finally giving in. “You’re really not gonna let me finish, are you?”
You shook your head, grinning as you held her a little tighter. “Nope. And you love it,” you teased, pressing another kiss to her cheek.
She laughed, finally spinning her chair to face you. “Alright, you win.” She grabbed your hand, tugging you closer as she settled her hands around your waist, pulling you down onto her lap. “Attention granted, happy now?”
“Yeah,” you replied, wrapping your arms around her neck and nuzzling into her shoulder. Her hands held you close, fingers tracing gentle patterns on your back.
“My head kinda hurts tho,” you grumbled quietly, with a pout.
She tilted her head, looking at you with that familiar, loving sparkle in her eyes.
Her cheeks flushed, as she leaned in, pressing her lips softly to yours. “Alright, little attention-seeker,” she teased between kisses. “What should we do now? Why is your head bothering you?”
You hummed thoughtfully, snuggling closer. “Can we go upstairs maybe?”
Billie hummed in amusement, she knew what you wanted now. And she was fairly certain your head didn’t actually hurt. But your little pout and puppy eyes were drawing her in.
“Mkayyy, sure babygirl,” she squinted teasingly. “My poor baby, her head just hurts so bad we have to go upstairs.” She sighed out dramatically while scooping you up bridal style and headed upstairs.
You nuzzled your head into her neck further, smiling victoriously.
Once you got upstairs Billie plopped you into the bed before heading into the bathroom to grab something.
While she was gone, you got yourself comfy on the bed, tucking yourself under the mountain of blankets and fluffing the pillows to your liking, but quickly flopping back down when Billie re-entered the room. She just chuckled lowly and made her way to the bed, slipping in next to you.
She wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you in closer so your head rested on her tummy so she had access to your scalp.
You were practically purring as Billie started moving the little scalp massager on your head. Softly and slowly, making sure not to scratch or poke you. After all your head did hurt just so badly… ;)
You nuzzled your head closer into her tummy, to where you could perfectly hear her heartbeat. You closed your eyes and let the sensation take over.
“Feels good, doesn’t it mama?” Billie chuckled at your blissed out expression, eyes half open and a sleepy smile on your lips.
“Mmm hmmm…” you mumbled, barely able to make a coherent sentence.
She pulled you a bit closer while she continued to move the massager around, hitting all the spots you needed. She knew she had been successful when your eyes had shut and your little snores actually sounded like purrs.
Slowly she removed the massager from your hair, not wanting to poke you, before snuggling in herself and joining you in sleep.
“Why’d you stop?” Your tiny voice broke the silence, making Billie giggle.
“I’m sorry my little kitty, I thought you were asleep,” she said with a chuckle, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before resuming her little scalp massage.
She smiled, pulling you close as you nestled into her warmth, a quiet laugh escaping her lips. “You’re so clingy sometimes, you know that?” she whispered, though her tone was full of affection.
You smirked, running your up and down her arm. “Yep. You love it, though.”
Billie’s arms tightened around you. “I really do,” she said softly.
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wriokitty · 2 days ago
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#FAILBLOGGER FAVS — NOW CLOSED
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As promised, for my silly Valentine’s Day event, we’re going to switch the roles and have our favs be the chronically online failbloggers <3 this is open to all my followers we don’t have to be mutuals for you to take part so everyone come join ;)
disclaimer: pleaseeeeee read this post all the way through before you send an ask pretty pretty pleaseeee
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WHAT I NEED:
Send me an ask and tell me a selfship of yours (please just one) and what the dynamic/lore is—just give me a decent amount of relevant info so I know what the ship is like. If you’re only a reader, tell me your favorite fanfic tropes, preferred word count range, and if you like to read sfw, nsfw, dark content, or all of the above. If you’re a writer, please include the previous info regarding the fics you read and write (I know, I know. A lot of typing, but it makes a difference I promise. To Me it does.) Please, and I can’t stress this enough, include whether or not you’re comfy with dark content because that will severely change the direction I take things
WHAT YOU GET (PLEASE PICK ONE ONLY):
OPTION 1 — get a detailed description of how you and your fav become mutuals on tumblr and what they’re like on dash, what sort of asks they’d send you, what vents they’d make, who they’d beef with and block (as in other characters not real ppl btw lol), and what discourse they’d get themselves into
OPTION 2 — get a detailed description of what they’d be like if they wrote fanfiction about you and selfshipped with you. This includes how they might characterize you, if their forte is sfw, nsfw, dark content, etc., if they’re non sharing or sharing, who they’d beef with over you, how many comms they’d get, and plenty more idk I’ll come up with it as I go LOL
SLOTS: CLOSED — 15/15 TAKEN — for now I’m doing 15 but I might reopen for a few more when I’m done!!
FANDOMS: main fandoms include genshin, hsr, love and deepspace, jjk, bnha, and I suppose haikyuu and bllk are okay too
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ANYWAYYY this is superrrr silly and unserious but I think it’s fun and would get a few good giggles from everyone so ;) anyway this doubles as sort of a milestone event too bc I’ve yet to do one after a good few milestones so ty everyone for following me and being friends with little old me <3
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ceslatoil · 12 hours ago
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Ghost Filbrick AU
So a few weeks ago I was in the group chat and I pitched an idea for a fic (not writing it anytime soon, I have enough projects on my plate for now!) and it’s about the Pines family visiting Ma Pines before she moves to an assisted care facility. Main idea is that Dipper and Mabel meet Filbrick’s ghost who is trying to hinder the move, and the family trying to get him to move on. Lots of family drama ensues.
I wrote like, a scrap of a script draft for it if y’all wanna read it below:
(Scene: The grown ups, including CARYN, STAN, FORD and COOPER, MABEL & DIPPER’s dad, are all up playing cards. CARYN pulls out the Tarot Deck)
Caryn: I call this one “Last Man Standing!” You put down a card and the other player has to put down either the same suit or card number. If someone plays a major arcana card like wheel of fortune or the star, they can switch up the minor arcana suit. If you play death or the tower, the other players draw four. Whoever has zero cards wins!
Dad Pines: Grandma I think you just reverse engineered Uno
Stan: Dad wouldn’t buy us more than one card deck, so we made due with Ma’s tarot.
Ford: I thought it was to keep you from cheating the deck
Caryn: Both things could be true! Now hush.
Stan: … Coop is everything all right with Dipper? It’s not my business but… he seemed pretty cagey with ya earlier.
Caryn: Cagey? The kid stormed out of the room in the middle of dinner! Granted it was *my* cooking, so I can’t really hold a grudge on that front. (*plays a card*) That’s The Fool, so we’re reversing direction.
Ford: … It just doesn’t seem like him.
Coop: … that’s been the norm lately, I’m afraid. I don’t think he’s handling the divorce well, with me moving out and I just haven’t been around as much since then.
Ford: Mabel told us in one of her letters you were in family therapy together?
Coop: We’ve had a few sessions, yes. She loved it, got along great with our counselor. I think she asked a few times about becoming a therapist someday! But Dipper doesn’t really participate much during the sessions. He just sulks in the corner, like he doesn’t want to be there at all.
Stan: He’ll get over it. He’s stubborn, but not the type to hold a grudge.
Ford: I can’t imagine any of this is easy for any of you.
Coop: Weirdly enough, me and Annie— uh, Annie and *I*— have gotten on better than ever. Divorce was the best thing to happen to our relationship, it’s like we’re finally friends again?
Stan: Divorce ain’t so bad, I’ve done it at least six times now!
Caryn: I thought about divorcing your father, but he died before I got around to it. Suit change.
Ford: when did Dad pass?
Stan: … ‘97.
Ford: … I see. (*silence*)
Caryn: … Let’s not talk about funerals right now. God knows I’ve been to enough of ‘em. I’m just glad one of ‘em didn’t count. (*pinches Stan’s cheek.*)
Stan: … me too, Ma.
Ford: … Last Man Standing
Stan: Like hell you are, you shit, draw four!
Ford: … that’s not the tower, that’s a Stan Buck!
Caryn: Don’t tell me you’re still making Stan Bucks! You know damn well that’s not how money works!
(This next part is self indulgent and idk if I’ll include it in the fic proper)
Caryn: Now Stanford… let me ask you a question. Why the hell have you been hiding your left hand in your pocket all night?
Ford:…. I don’t know what you mean— HEY!
(Caryn pulls his hand out of his pocket, examines his second ring finger)
Caryn: Stanford Filbrick why does it look like you have a wedding band on your finger?
Ford: …. (*sighs*) because I have a wedding band on my finger.
Caryn: AHA! Here we are moping about death and divorce and you sit on good news like that! Who is she? Who’s your wife? Where’d you meet her, what’s her family like, what does she do?
Ford:… I don’t have a wife. I have a husband.
Stan: The guy used to live in the dump and now he’s a millionaire inventor running for president.
Caryn: You married McGucket?! Me and the girls canvassed for him this year! Wait till I tell that Janine, that’ll get her to pipe down about her Chiropractor Son-In-Law for once!
Coop: I really like his policies on infrastructure, very forward thinking!
Stan: Eh, I’m voting third party. Nothing personal, I just don’t want a brother in law who’s commander in chief. It would make thanksgiving a nightmare.
Ford: You’re a felon, you can’t vote at all.
Stan: That hasn’t stopped me in thirty years!
Ford: So Ma, you’re… fine with—
Caryn: Sweetie, until this morning I thought two of my sons were dead and one cut all ties. I figured I deserved it. Sitting back while your Father gave you all grief for nothin. I told myself if I ever saw you again I’d take you as is, and I meant it.
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yeoningz · 1 day ago
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SERENE
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YOU DID SO WELL ON THISSSS!!! i’ve always been iffy about serial killer or murderer aus but this. this has swayed me im craving more !!!
beomgyu is written so well in this!! he’s so scary but so hot … idk how to feel about it tbh LOL
this was such a great opening piece !!! i’m lost for what to say AND THE ENDING SHUT UPPP
you blow me away each and every time i stg. u r a goddess in my eyes
“Your heart plummets through the floor when your eyes land on the name, and suddenly it all makes sense. He was bound to end up in this room one day, you knew that, you had known that for a long time. You just… Had never imagined to be the one on the other side. “
heehee THE CONFLICTTTT
It was then, in the midst of a heavy sigh, that your eyes fell on him. Back then you hadn’t known his name, you hadn’t known anything of what was to come. Your first thought was that he wasn’t your type. And you wanted to leave it at that, to let your eyes continue their endless roam and forget about him, but you couldn’t. 
omg… it going back and forth in time… i love the way you plotted this out
“But for every kiss he placed against your body, for every quiet whisper of praise that slipped from his tongue, you found yourself slowly losing your last semblance of control. Beomgyu was not like any of your previous partners, he was new, exciting, exotic even. Something you’d never had before, and now that you’d gotten a small taste, you felt far from satisfied. “
i love the opening line to this paragraph sm… I NEED HIM TERRIBLY why do u have me simping hard for such a terrible man…. shame on you /j
mc has no idea what’s in for her does she. smh
𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 TAPE 01
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𝓓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝓔𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐘 ⸝⸝ Moving rapidly through your career as one of the leading female investigators, you never once encountered a case you couldn't crack. Though you never expected for your past mistakes to come back and haunt you in the form of an ex lover, accused of murder. ⸝⸝
𝓹airings criminal!beomgyu x detective!reader 𝔀arnings blood, character death, descriptions of violence/slight gore, implied sexual encounters, womanizer!beomgyu, making out, penetrative sex, public sex, alcohol consumption.
📼 THE TAPE RECORDINGS
𝓣𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝓢𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 contains dark themes portraying unhealthy and toxic relationships and substance abuse. reader discretion is advised ! — this story is partly told in flashbacks, beware of timestamps as past/present are mixed throughout the story.
[ ▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။| TAPE 01 ] — Stay Away From Choi Beomgyu — recording length; 5.9k
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📼 —  April 5th 2023
It was cold. Your cheeks were wet, and whether that was from the rain pouring down on you, or the endless tears streaming down your face you didn’t know. But it was cold. It was dark too, awfully so. Yet you could clearly make out the image of him, his hunched over figure, his bloody hands moving without even the slightest tremble as they clenched and unclenched into fists. For a moment it looked like he wanted to reach out, to touch you. 
The way you flinched, taking a quick step backward made him frown. “Dollface..” He tries, his voice uncharacteristically soft, the tension on his face easing up, if just for a moment. But you won’t hear it. Fuck, you could take the drugs, the lying and the cheating…Suppose you never were together in the end, not officially at least. — And you could take it. All of it. 
This was different. This was… You glance between the blood on his shirt, down to his bruised knuckles. You knew what he’d done. Something truly unforgiving, something evil, inhumane. Beomgyu was a terrible person. For months you’d let yourself be blindsighted, too caught up on trying to fit him into the life you’d imagined, into a life that would never be his. Because that was not who he was. 
You thought things would be different with you. That you somehow stood out from the rest, that maybe… Maybe he wasn’t as bad as people made him out to be. But you should’ve known. You should’ve known to stay away from Choi Beomgyu. 
“You’re a monster.” 
It happens before you can even stop it, the way the words fall from your quivering lips. Your voice is strained with the effort of keeping down another sob, and your breath comes out shaky with each exhale. — He doesn’t look surprised, in fact his expression remains perfectly unreadable, just like it always did. That hurts the most you think. 
He takes a step forward, his shoes making a wet noise against the muddy ground. The rain makes his clothes cling to his body, his dark hair matted against his face, shielding his dark eyes from view until he pushes the strands back. — “C’mon dollface, we can work this out.” The once sweet nickname now made you feel sick. Butterflies no longer surged within your stomach, though, you’re not so sure that they ever had. 
You shake your head, adamant in your decision as you swallow. “Stay away from me.” Even though your voice is close to cracking it seems to break his trance, and Beomgyu looks confused for the first time. It would’ve been an almost satisfactory sight, had it not been for your current situation. But one quick glance toward the blood smeared all over him makes you want to vomit. 
“I never want to see you again.” 
And you hoped you never would. With all of your heart and being you wished to never see Choi Beomgyu ever again. 
⸝⸝ 
📼 — PRESENT TIME ; February 19th 2024
“Hello?” 
Your words are followed by a thick silence and after almost twenty seconds you sigh. “Are you calling from downstairs again? You know the connection there is terrible.” Another minute passes, and you listen to the bruising noise of nothing for what feels like forever until Yeonjun’s voice finally breaks through on the device. 
“Hello? Oh, there you are!” He sounds almost surprised over the fact that the line seemed to actually be working. “Yes, yes I know I shouldn’t be calling from down here, but the elevator’s broken..” — He clears his throat before rapidly continuing. “Alright, I’ve got someone for you, can you make it down to room 31 in ten?” 
The groan passing your lips rings out into your office, bouncing off the walls and surely picking up on the phone despite the shitty connection. “Do you know what time it is? I’ve just barely made it here..” You grumble, yet you’re already rising from your chair, eager to be assigned a case from your senior. 
Yeonjun hums and you hear the clicking sound of what you assumed to be a pen. “We’ve kept him detained all night, best to get going quickly so we can move him over this afternoon.” He sounds absentminded when he speaks, as if his attention was elsewhere, likely reading off of the file in his hands. Still, you frown at his words. 
“Move him? To where, custody? How do you know we’ll have to do that?” Yeonjun doesn’t answer right away, which was unusual for him, and you pause with your hand on the door handle. — “I think it’s best you just come down here”, he then says, the finalisation in his tone evident. You bite the inside of your cheek, your mind suddenly swimming with questions you longed to ask. But you shrug them off, twisting the handle as you step outside. 
“Alright, I’ll be there.” 
The walk to the basement where the interrogations took place was an even longer one today. With no elevator you’re forced to stumble down four sets of stairs, silently vowing to yourself never to wear heels to work ever again. 
Fishing through your pockets, you grab onto the first thing you come across. A small tube of red lipstick, the engravings on its container made your heart skip a beat as you recognized its origin. Oh. You thought you’d gotten rid of that.. But the small cosmetic seemed to have made it during your move not long ago. How odd. 
The sound of your heels come to an abrupt halt as you stop to apply the red tint to your lips, using the camera on your far too old phone as a mirror. Despite its long history, the color remained just as bold as it had been when it was brand new. For some reason the revelation made your chest contract. — Screw it, you thought as you pushed the container back into the depths of your pocket. You would make sure to get rid of it on your way home. The past should remain the past, and for good reasons too. 
Interrogation room 31 is by the very end of the hall. The lights here had yet to be switched out and some of them flickered in a most uncanny way, setting the scene for something akin to a horror movie. However your worries come to ease when you spot your senior outside the door. Leaning against the wall, Yeonjun pushes his glasses further up the bridge of his nose as his eyes remain glued to the files in front of him. 
“Took you long enough”, he huffs without taking his eyes off the clipboard. You raise a threatening fist his way but lower it again with a small grin, “whatever.” Yeonjun cocks an eyebrow your way but doesn’t make an attempt to comment as he instead sighs. — “23 year old male, brought in yesterday around 1am..” He begins, his expression quickly schooling into a more professional one, and you’re instantly reminded of how he used to be when you trained under him. 
He flips the paper, eyes dropping as he scans the written documents. “He’s in for first degree murder and attempted arson.” Shit, that’s serious. — “Are there any witnesses?” You ask, interrupting him when your curiosity gets the better of you. Though it would likely be far too soon to determine that. Yeonjun shakes his head, “None have come forward, besides it’s still too early to say.” You nod, heat rising on your cheeks at the small misstep. 
“Then, how is he linked to the crime?” 
Yeonjun’s eyes snap toward you upon hearing your words, his jaw twitching ever so slightly. “Victim’s DNA on him”, he says as he hands you the file belonging to the victim. Your gaze immediately falls on the number of pictures already gathered from the scene. From the blood covered floorboards to the discarded knife, the bloody bathtub and the victim himself. 
“Park Baekhyun”, Yeonjun says as he points to the picture snapped of a man in his mid thirties. He was bruised from head to toe, his limp body awkwardly laid in the full tub. “34, male, cause of death was asphyxiation due to his head being held underwater for an extended period of time.” 
Once he’s reached the end of his small debrief, your jaw hangs slack. Whoever did this had no intentions of sparing the poor man. And judging by the way the scene looked, they didn’t seem to ever have.
“Will you be alright with this one?” Your senior’s question pulls your attention from the files in your hand, and you quickly nod. “Of course!” This was your first big case, and there was no way you would back down now, not when an opportunity had presented itself like this. 
Yeonjun leans over to unlock the door, his hand on the handle when he turns to you. “Remember I’m always-” — “On the other side of the glass, I know.” You finish with a small smile, and Yeonjun scoffs as he shakes his head. 
Interrogation rooms are small, their walls stripped bare and sterile. With no windows and not even a clock to tell the time, the space feels nearly suffocating. A metal table is placed by the center of the room, adorned with scratches and uneven sections from its years of mistreatment. Above it hangs a single fluorescent light, casting the room in an almost clinical glow. 
The man before you sits on one of the uncomfortable chairs, his head bowed and his cuffed hands resting on the table. His long dark hair shields his face from view, and you find your own gaze dropping to the files in your hands once more as you slide into the seat opposite him. 
You clear your throat, the quietness of the room only amplifying the sound of you swallowing again. “You’re being investigated on the grounds of first degree murder of Park Baekhyun and attempted arson against his property. You have the right to remain silent and or request for an attorney. Keep in mind that anything you say here can be used against you in court.” 
Exhale. 
With a quick glance toward the thick glass window to your left, you allow yourself a momentary break. No matter how hard you squint, it was impossible to make out anything on the other side. But you knew that Yeonjun was watching, and it made everything ten times more surreal. — When you notice that the suspect has yet to speak, you turn your attention back to him. 
He remains in front of you, with his head bowed as his fingers absentmindedly tap against the cool metal table. Your breath catches in your throat when you survey the dark rings adorning almost each and every one of his fingers, they looked oddly familiar. But before you have time to ponder the matter further, he lifts his gaze. 
His dark hair falls from his face, making his equally dark eyes meet yours, instantly they seize you with a look you knew all too well. The persistent tapping of his fingers come to an abrupt halt as his lips curl into a menacing smirk, the one that used to make your stomach twist. In that moment, you knew that he knew. Still, you deny it, hands fervently flipping the files as you replace the victim’s with his. 
Your heart plummets through the floor when your eyes land on the name, and suddenly it all makes sense. He was bound to end up in this room one day, you knew that, you had known that for a long time. You just… Had never imagined to be the one on the other side. 
His smirk only widens, exposing the sharp and shiny teeth that had grazed your skin so many times before. A breathy laugh rumbles within his chest, but he doesn’t take his eyes off of you, not once. He exhales with a short breath: 
“Dollface. It’s been a while hasn’t it?” 
The pet name makes an ice cold shiver crawl up your spine. You push down the insults waiting on your tongue, the months of resentment and the anger. Inhaling slowly, you remain perfectly still. He studies you close, dark eyes narrowing as he tilts his head to the side. It was as if he was trying to calculate your next move, you knew that he could. 
“Beomgyu.” The name tastes foul in your mouth, making you want to spit it out. You thought you’d left him behind, left him for good. For ten months you had tried to recover from him, from everything he’d put you through. All of it for nothing. Now he was closer than ever, within an arm's reach, if you so wished to touch him. 
His smirk only widened, he was enjoying this, you could tell it thrilled him. “In the flesh”, he says, his voice a low drawl as he drinks in your slightly bewildered expression. There were so many things you wanted to tell him, so many things you wished to get off your chest. But before you can even get a word out, the door to the interrogation room is slammed open. 
You don’t have to look to know who it is. Yeonjun’s presence could be felt from miles away as he looms over you. “A word outside”, is all he says, before promptly turning on his heel and walking out again. — You don’t take your eyes off of Beomgyu when you rise to your feet, and the smirk on his face persists even when you exit the room. 
“Alright, what’s going on?”
Your senior’s voice echoes down the vacant hallway and you wince at the accusation of his tone. How did you tell him, how did you come clean about the fact that you had history with the man currently detained and cuffed on the other side of the door. — Pulling your bottom lip between your teeth, you hesitantly chew on it as your eyes dart between the floor and the walls, anywhere but him. 
“Well I… Sort of knew him..” The words come out awkward, and you grimace at the way you presented the situation. Yeonjun’s frown only deepens, the crease on his forehead becoming even more prominent. “Knew?” He presses, and you suddenly feel as if you were the one being interrogated. This was not how your first case was supposed to go. 
“Well.. I haven’t seen him in a long time.” You press your lips into a thin line, forcing yourself into a more upright stance as you try your best at holding his gaze. — “How long?” Yeonjun counters, to which your heart sinks. How long has it been? You hardly kept track, for Choi Beomgyu was someone you longed to forget. “Ten months”, you finally say. 
Your senior sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers as he bites the inside of his cheek. He remains quiet for a good minute and you anxiously fiddle with the hem of your sleeves, glancing over your shoulder to make sure that no one was witnessing the most embarrassing conversation taking place. 
“I’ll take you off the case.” 
No. He can’t do that, can he? Well he technically could. Still, it was an option you refused to consider. “No.” You promptly say, rolling your shoulders back once as you prepare to face his rejection. You didn’t know why your first thought was to refuse, why a pang shot through your chest at the idea of having the case go to someone else, but it did. 
Selfish as you were, you thought you needed this case for your own gain. Whether it was to find some sort of closure for the way things ended, or perhaps even to satisfy your own curiosity. Either way, you knew that this case belonged to you. — “I’m confident that I can do this.” Your voice doesn’t waver, and your gaze is firm as you peer up at Yeonjun. 
Your senior sighs, carding his fingers through his hair as he mutters something under his breath. “It’s against policy and I shouldn’t-” — “Please, Yeonjun.” You take a step forward, hopeful eyes silently pleading with him. 
“I could be of great help, I’m certain of it, please just give me a chance.” — Yeonjun doesn’t look convinced, his dark brows furrowed as he glances between you and the shut door. Patiently you wait as he thinks to himself, your heart thrumming in your ears as you refuse the urge to beg him further. 
Finally, he huffs, shaking his head once, as if in disbelief of himself. “Alright, but if I notice that things are getting out of hand you’re off, are we clear?” 
Eagerly you nod, “Of course. Thank you, sir!” You catch the way he rolls his eyes, coughing slightly as he dismisses you with the wave of his hands. “Don’t act formal with me now”, he tsks, shooting you a small sideway glance. He reaches for the handle once more, holding the door open for you as you enter the suffocating interrogation room a second time that day. 
The silence is deafening as you step back inside, the sound of the door clicking shut behind you echoing off the four confined walls. Beomgyu remains seated, mindlessly fiddling with the rings on his fingers, the cuffs around his wrists scraping against the metal table. — You force yourself to remain stoic as you approach once more, carefully taking your seat opposite him as you place your files down in front of you. 
You clear your throat, ready to begin the initial interview when he suddenly speaks. “You look different.” He presents the statement causally as he leans back in his chair, it makes a squeaking noise at the action. Your heart pounds against your ribcage and you swallow as you hold his gaze. — “People change”, you say, your throat suddenly feeling dry. 
Beomgyu shakes his head, his dark and piercing gaze trailing along your figure. “But you act the same.” His lips stretch into a menacing smirk and you have to force the memories of those very lips against your own and all over your body, out of your head. Focus. You couldn’t afford to be taken off the case. 
“Last night”, you start off strong, your voice firm as you finally divert your attention from the files you’d been clinging onto, “You were present at Park Baekhyun’s property around 1am. What were you doing there?” 
The smirk has yet to fall from his face and Beomgyu cocks an eyebrow your way as he lets go of the rings he’d been fiddling with. “Cleanin’ up a mess”, the nonchalant tone he used masks any hint of unease he might be experiencing. 
“What kind of mess?” 
A glimmer of mischief flashes across his almost black eyes, it was one you recognized. His tongue prods against the inside of his cheeks, his hands flat against the metal table. “Well certainly not the ones we used to make.” The mockery made your skin crawl and you fought back the insults surfacing as you clenched your jaw. 
“Please refrain from straying off topic”, you say, your voice eerily calm. Beomgyu rolls his eyes, but doesn’t attempt to argue as he regards you with a bored expression. “One of my employee’s messed up”, he shrugs, “Fairly new to the job so I can’t really hold him accountable.” — You watch as his eyes flicker over to the window on his right, his gaze narrowing on the thick glass. 
“You gotta go easy on the newbies”, he then adds without tearing his attention from the window. And even though he couldn’t see Yeonjun, he without a doubt knew that he was there. For a moment, it felt almost as if he was addressing your senior and not you. 
Beomgyu’s gaze soon flickers back to you, the smirk on his lips returning within seconds. “But you would know all about that wouldn’t you?” His eyes flash with underlying desire, “I went easy on you the first time.” 
He didn’t. Perhaps that was why you remembered your first encounter with Choi Beomgyu to this day. 
⸝⸝ 
📼 — March 28th 2022 
The floor thumps in rhythm to the loud bass that echoes from the DJ booth. Sweaty bodies are pressed against one another as people tear their way through the dancefloor. The fluorescent lights blind you as they flash from purple to blue to green and back to purple again. — Perched awkwardly on a high stool by the bar, you watch as the night unravels before you. 
Clubs had never been your forte. Especially not during the weekends where they seemed to host a home for the whole city as everyone drank their day to day problems away. Your eyes scan for Kayla, she was the one who’d brought you here in the first place. After listening to her persistent whining for almost an hour you had finally caved, but at what cost? 
As soon as your coats had been left, she’d darted for the dancefloor, not as much as a second thought about you as she searched for her next victim. You shouldn’t even be surprised anymore, it was in her nature honestly. 
You’ve already emptied two glasses, and now you’re tapping the cool rim against your lips as you aimlessly peer out over the crowd. The idea of another drink enticed you, but your wallet strongly disagreed with that idea, thus you were left far too sober for your own liking as you avoided any attempts at socialising. You weren’t here to make friends, much less fuck around. 
It was then, in the midst of a heavy sigh, that your eyes fell on him. Back then you hadn’t known his name, you hadn’t known anything of what was to come. Your first thought was that he wasn’t your type. And you wanted to leave it at that, to let your eyes continue their endless roam and forget about him, but you couldn’t. 
Your gaze clung to him as it trailed along his dark and long hair, perfectly framing his sharp features. Then to the half-hearted smirk he wore, to his dark clothes and the black rings around almost each and every one of his fingers. And then finally to his eyes, darker and all the more menacing than the rest of him, they seemed to glow under the neon lights. 
For some reason, he was looking at you too. Despite the two half-naked girls draped over him, their hands insistently clawing at every part of him they could access, undoubtedly whispering beyond filthy shit in his ears with sickeningly sweet giggles. — Why was he looking at you?
He wasn't alone, far from it. The small booth he occupied held, not only him and the two girls, but at least three other guys as well, all wearing the same brooding expressions. You should look away, pretend like you’d never seen him in the first place, but the longer you stared at him, and the longer he stared back, it became increasingly more difficult. 
His smirk widens when he brings his glass to his lips, and over the rim you catch the sly wink he sends you. Your heart stumbles over its next beat, your own glass stuttering against your chin as you grip it tighter. 
It wasn’t like you weren’t used to getting hit on, or even subtly flirted with. But there was something undeniably different about this man. Despite your earlier complaints on your sobriety, you suddenly felt intoxicated in a way you never had before. 
And so you did the only reasonable thing left to do. You winked back. 
He chuckles, even though you’re unable to hear it, you can see it in the way his chest rises and falls. His ring clad hand slides along the thigh of one of the girls, who giggled as she leaned in to kiss his neck. He seemed to pay her little mind, those same dark eyes still fixed on you.. 
“Don’t even think about it.” 
Kayla’s voice is sharp, and it snaps your attention from the stranger and over to your friend as she takes the seat next to yours. Slouched over the bar, she orders herself a glass of water which she begins gulping down. — “What?” You question as you watch her wipe her lips. 
“That guy, the one you were eyeing”, she points in the direction of the man you’d just been gawking at, “He’s no good.” She gives a firm nod, glass gripped tightly in her hand as she peers down at the liquid floating around. — “How’d you know?” You scoff as you, too, turn back to the bar. Perhaps she was jealous of you succeeding in finding someone when she wasn’t, it wouldn’t be a first. 
But Kayla only huffs, her nails tapping against the glass as she purses her lips. “Only uses women for his own personal gain and pleasure, you’ll get hurt.” 
“What if I only seek pleasure?” That was a lie, because you didn’t, far from it. You were nothing like Kayla, at least you liked to think you weren’t. —- “Then I suggest you seek it elsewhere, I meant what I said, he’s bad news.” 
“How do you know that?”
Her knowledge about this stranger intrigued you. Had she hooked up with him before and got jealous by the possibility of you doing the same? Had he rejected her? 
Kayla sighs, her expression taking on an almost melancholic form as she sets her glass down. “Do you remember Shay?” She suddenly asks and you frown, confused by the mention of her old friend. “Yeah? You haven’t mentioned her in a while, did something happen?” 
Your friend snorts, throwing a glance over her shoulder as she nods toward the man by the booth. “Yeah, he did. – One night she’s off with him, next time I see her is two weeks later, drugged out of her fucking mind and unable to stand on her own goddamn legs.” A visible shiver runs down Kayla's spine as she recalls the events in her head. 
Turning back to the counter, she picks up her glass, “Besides, I’ve never seen him with the same woman twice.” With that, she downs the remaining water before pushing the now empty glass away. — “Better to try your luck on the dancefloor, hm?” She suggests as she attempts to pull you along. 
“I’m fine here.” You give her a small smile, watching as she nods before turning to disappear through the thick crowd. 
As much as you tried to keep your gaze from wandering, it somehow ended up by that godforsaken booth yet again. Except this time, the man seemed far too busy to spare your hopeless stares as much as a second glance. One of the girls had crawled onto his lap, shielding most of his face from view as she pressed her lips to his. 
His fingers squeezed around her hips before his hands traveled down the curve of her ass, barely covered by the ridiculously short skirt she wore. — They only broke apart for him to mutter something to one of the others present, their following laughter almost overpowering the loud music. 
With a small grimace you finally tear your gaze from the sight, slumping back against the bar with a tired sigh. This night seemed to drag on forever. Perhaps you could call a cab home, Kayla would probably want to stay at least another two hours, something that you weren’t quite feeling. 
You brace your hands on the countertop with the intention of heaving yourself from your chair and search for your friend when the bartender suddenly catches your attention. Wordlessly he places a drink in front of you, making your head jerk up as you give him a confused look. “I didn’t order–” 
“Booth 12”, he nodded to somewhere behind you but you hardly needed to turn around to know where this drink had come from. With your heart in your throat, you take the cool glass, eyeing the pinkish hue of the contents that swirled around the ice cubes. Why had he bought you this? Hesitantly you bring the glass to your lips, taking a small sip as you let the liquid slip down your throat. 
It tasted sweet, and you quickly found yourself going back for more. But hadn’t he been busy just a few moments ago.. Perhaps you’d read him wrong. — Suppose you could finish this drink and then head home. But you can barely get as much as another sip in before the seat next to yours becomes occupied. 
Through the corner of your eye you can easily make out his long dark hair, the faint smirk on his lips as he clasps his hands on the counter in front of him. For a moment, there’s an awkward silence hanging over the two of you. He doesn’t say anything as he gazes ahead, part of you wondered if he’d even come here with the intention of talking to you at all. 
You take another sip of your drink, desperate for the liquor to take effect. The man shifts in his seat, and you feel as though you were on fire when his head turns in your direction. Even with no words he managed to make your heart beat in a frenzy as you clutched your glass tightly. 
His dark and piercing gaze is unforgiving as it roams your figure, undoubtedly lingering where it shouldn’t. It was like he knew no shame. You should’ve told him off, you should’ve gotten up and left. For some reason you find yourself staring at him with equally invading eyes. 
“I haven’t seen you here before.” 
It’s the first time he speaks, his head falling to the side as he studies you. “You new around town?” His voice is smooth, clean of any stuttering or awkwardness. A small part of you envied how easily he seemed to be carrying himself. — You shake your head, “No.” 
The man raises an eyebrow, and you don’t stop him when he reaches for your drink. The rings around his fingers make a clanking sound against the glass as he takes it and brings it to his lips. “Then what? Not your crowd?” He asks before taking a sip, his eyes never leaving you. 
“No, I suppose not..” You gingerly admit, not wanting to highlight the fact that you were completely out of your element. But judging by the way he looked at you, his silent demeanor practically eating you alive, he probably knew that already. — He places your glass back down, gently pushing it back your way as he wordlessly encourages you to drink more. You don’t know why you oblige. 
He takes the opportunity of you sipping on your drink to introduce himself. “Choi Beomgyu”, he says, the smirk on his lips widening as he does. The name fit him, oddly enough. Perhaps it was a bad idea to give out your own name. He was a stranger, not to mention one that Kayla had specifically warned you about not long ago. Still, this man intrigued you beyond limits.. 
Beomgyu, as his name was, suddenly leaned closer and you could almost smell the liquor on his breath. “Come on dollface, you must have a name?” The nickname he so casually dropped made your stomach flip. — You tell yourself that this was just a game of his. Taking Kayla’s words into consideration, not to mention the fact that he had girls draped over him minutes ago, this wasn’t the first time he chatted someone up. You would not make a fool of yourself and fall for such cheap tricks. 
He’s silent as he waits for you to answer, but when you merely avoid his gaze and sip on your drink, he chuckles. The laugh is pulled from deep within his chest and it sounds raspy when it rolls off his tongue. Beomgyu leans back, running a hand leisurely through his long hair. “Hard to charm I see.” 
You don’t answer, but you can’t help but watch as he rests his elbows against the bartop, his finger dragging just below his bottom lip as he regards you with intrigue. — “Not your type?” You retort, your response coming out somewhat short. It was hard to fathom any reasoning behind his strange interest in you. 
“Far from it”, Beomgyu hums, though his glimmering eyes betray the words coming out of his mouth. The lower half of his face pulls into a lopsided grin, “But I’m not opposed to trying new things.” 
Your first instinct was to scoff, to tell him to fuck off back to wherever he’d emerged from. It’s strange. You find yourself completely unable to. Instead you push your nearly finished drink toward him once more, and Beomgyu takes it as he brings it to his lips. — If he wasn’t opposed to trying new things, then who says you weren’t either?” 
“Tell me your name.” 
His breath is hot on your neck, coming in short pants as he slams his hips against yours. The alleway is dark and vacant, shielding the two of you from prying eyes. Shoved against the brick wall, you’re pliant in his grasp as Beomgyu’s hands roam your body. With your skirt pushed high above your hips, the metal of his rings feel cool against your thighs as his fingers dig into your soft flesh. 
Was this a good idea? — It didn’t matter. Your nails rake along his shoulders, pulling him impossibly close. Beomgyu chuckles against the crock of your neck, his lips leaving sloppy kisses over your skin, pulling it between his teeth. 
This was so unlike anything you’d ever done before. Not that you were a prude, or anything of the sort. But something like this, in a place like this, where anyone could walk by and with a mere stranger no less.. Whatever. You figured he was just another promiscuous man with no other intentions than the last. You would use it to your advantage tonight, or at least so you thought. 
But for every kiss he placed against your body, for every quiet whisper of praise that slipped from his tongue, you found yourself slowly losing your last semblance of control. Beomgyu was not like any of your previous partners, he was new, exciting, exotic even. Something you’d never had before, and now that you’d gotten a small taste, you felt far from satisfied. 
Why did he want to know your name? Why did it matter if you were to never see one another after tonight? Still, his silent request is made clear when he presses your lips together in a feverish kiss. You gasp out at the feeling of his hard cock as it buries inside of your aching cunt, your thighs trembling as they remain wrapped around his waist. 
“Dollface”, he exhales into the kiss, his mouth warm and wet against yours. And when he pulls back for air, your dazed eyes meet his as you brace your hands on his chest. Licking your lips, you inhale slowly before finally giving out your name, your most vulnerable piece of information. 
He smirks, clearly thrilled by the admission. For a split second you wondered if you’d done the right thing. Perhaps it had all been one grave mistake. If it was, you weren’t given time to ponder it as he reconnets your lips, this time with a passion unlike anything you’d ever felt before. 
And that was exactly how you became infatuated with Choi Beomgyu.
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sketchthetofu · 1 year ago
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Desert Duo Week: Apologies & Forgiveness
I WAS ABLE TO DO THE WHOLE WEEK 🎉!!! This was so much fun and thank you @desert-duo-week for making this happen! My only comment on this piece is that I wanted to do a hug even tho I don’t know how to draw people hugging, look at me go getting out of my comfort zone <3.
(Piece without text bellow)
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parasitoidism · 3 months ago
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Been thinking about his camerupt obsession as I play. Also charms that don’t exist
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bluevelvt · 6 months ago
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inquisitor anakin with obikin au is this anything
palpatine’s timeline is moved up and the clone wars start six or seven years earlier. the events of tpm remain untouched, so anakin is obi wan’s padawan and his commander throughout this whole time. when general grievous is found on utapau, obi wan is sent to kill him like in canon, with anakin remaining on coruscant for his safety. unfortunately, palpatine executes order 66 and anakin is at the heart of it
anakin is not so integral to palpatine’s plans as he’s in his mid-teens at this point, but palpatine still wants him and while anakin is able to escape the temple and hide for a bit, he is eventually caught without knowing what happened to his master and palpatine is able to use all this and the various torture methods at hand to break anakin and have him agree to become an inquisitor. perhaps palpatine originally wanted anakin as an apprentice, but it’s too early to tell and the fact that anakin hangs on to hope and the idea that his master will come and save him for so so long, resistant to inquisitorius’ efforts, well he’s a fine tool as a dark sider, but a sith apprentice? that remains to be seen
five or so years pass and obi wan has been in hiding. without having to protect luke or leia, he only stays in one place for so long. it’s a thing of survival, but somewhere and buried obi wan secretly hopes he will find his padawan because he has to believe anakin escaped (he desperately hopes anakin made it off coruscant somehow because he knows if his padawan didn’t, there could be a fate worse than death for him) when obi wan uses the force after years of having it locked away to save somebody like cal did with prauf on bracca, an inquisitor is sent to hunt down the jedi
the eleventh brother had been sent to hunt down jedi many times now, so this report is nothing special. kill or capture them, whatever seems best. eleventh brother usually does the former. it is all standard, just a lead really without much information but if there is a jedi, he will be able to find them no matter what. what is not standard, is to find a jedi he knew when he was still a padawan. what is not standard, is seeing your old master who died abandoned you left you hated you
obi wan has seen inquisitors before, but not this one who wears a helmet fully obscuring his face with a vocoder so not even his voice can be recognised, although through all the alterations, it sounds familiar. and when the eleventh brother sees you in the crowd, gaze hidden by red transparisteel but boring into you all the while, he pauses and takes off his helmet to reveal a face you know so well and could never mistake even though the face belongs to a young man now and not an awkward teen, marked by a scar bisecting his right eye and the lack of a braid. it’s anakin. your padawan is the eleventh brother. and you know that death would have been a kinder fate for him than this
where this all goes from here? not certain but once they are reunited and anakin is not trying to kill or capture obi wan, well it’s been a good while and obi wan can’t exactly be blamed for finding anakin attractive (and maybe falling in love with him) and anakin has never been normal about his old master
i’ll figure out more but i mostly just wanted anakin as an inquisitor and you know one lone candle is enough
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toytle · 7 months ago
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i’m trying to figure out my chibi style so i can offer it as a commission option but holy shit this is actually the hardest thing to draw. and i’ve drawn chibis plenty of times before
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silkjade · 30 days ago
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that anon kinda seemed like a mean girl who says that?? especially to a stranger?? (also you do NOT complain too much (and when you do it’s valid ignore them))
THANK YOU ! i don’t even think my negative posts are that bad lol like sorry god forbid i complain and vent on MYYYYY BLOG 🙄
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james-spooky · 4 months ago
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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hwaslayer · 4 months ago
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still kinda early to say this but i think .. the next era of fics after wildfire / vivrant thing will be 🥹😭
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paging-possum · 6 months ago
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3.5 hours of sleep does crazy things to ones brain and by that I mean. Murderbot gender thoughts
#I need to sleep so I can actually DO THINGS tomorrow#[I typed some stuff here but I hated it and deleted it]#and also (like as an it/its user) its very refreshing to see a character who’s gender is just like. don’t care.#and have the lack of care be a tangible stated thing#like its definitely GOOD to have books with trans/non-binary charactwrs where gender is discussed more explicitly#but they always just make me feel vaguely uncomfortable lmao??#so it is nice to have a character who is STATED in the text not to have a gender#but to not have it be a whole big elaborated upon beating dead horse gender discussion#it doesn’t care. that’s it. it uses these pronouns because it does not feel any connection to human gender and doesn’t WANT to#I’m definitely not analyzing this as deeply or as well as other people can for many reasons (one being. I am on 3.4 hours of sleep at 1am)#but just as a genderless person it feels very natural and comfortable to read#it’s the sort of thing where yes if it got discussed more plainly in text then maybe it wouldn’t get misgendered#but 1) it is already so obvious and 2) it won’t even talk about it’s FEELINGS#it explicitly says it doesn’t care about gender at ALL. in what world is MB going to have an in-depth talk about it’s identity like that#also idk I think it’s interesting to have it humanized in ways other than ‘we gave it human gender’ you know. feels like a cop out.#have it fuck up big time like an actual person
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that-was-anticlimactic · 10 months ago
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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yoohyeon · 2 months ago
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I should be asleep I’ll hate myself tomorrow, but while I’m preparing myself to go to sleep I remembered the dream I had last night and remembered that I thought in my dream that it would make a good story but now I don’t remember anything and I’m mad fbskndjd I haven’t write in so long, especially with characters that aren’t my long time ocs or fanfic it would have been good to think about something new but yeah 🥲
#i just remember there was 3 girls#and for once I don’t think I was one ??? I feel like I was mostly watching#i remember romance a lot of it ????#like evil vs good a lot also some powers maybe vampires ????? one girl I think ????#also what guy would they chose between 2 each but at the end it wasn’t the case I was only imagining one guy#now you will say but Alex that’s a lot you remember#a kiss and a school sitting is not enough to remember what was happening 😭 kfbskdns#I’ll try to remember more or take what I remember and have fun with it ckdbjxbdjd#anyway now I’m going to sleep I’m waking up in 4 hours 🤪#my dad better be in a good mood cause I probably won’t (period + lack of sleep is NOT a good mix kfbskdns)#he usually is on Sundays when we work together I think he put aside everything we usually fight about cause he has to pay me so if he makes#me cry I won’t be a good help fkdbdjd#also he already paid me in advance cause he wanted to#be sure he dosen’t use the money by accident ckbdjdjd#Idk what I’m doing with my calculation but I’m suppose to have 200$ a month but I feel like I never have enough money ????#cause I don’t have a lot left enough for my phone at least ????#(​because it’s 50$ each Sunday)#oh wait now I rememeber Sowon’s food 😐 80 freaking dollars 😭#but at least I won’t have to buy one until like January maybe even February 😭#but she need this type of food or her stomach hurts :( (and something else that is nasty bdjsbs)#that’s why I start taking commissions to at least be sure to pay for pills if I get like one commission a month 💙#anyway good night !#alex.txt
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milo-is-rambling · 9 months ago
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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naoreco · 2 days ago
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Theres something wrong with me (community note: i’m PMSing) bc i had the most harmless convo about fechoes with someone the other day and i came out of it feeling so thoroughly embarrassed by my own media illiteracy that i feel i must never speak of this game again. Unfortunately im also working on a video where i do just that so i think i just have to deal with it
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