#idk we look so close in old photos and yet there’s a big wall between us now

[gregmarriage]

i feel like having a weird relationship with one or both of your parents is too easy, come talk to me when you’ve had a weird relationship with your siblings, loser

[nanasarea]

🇨‌🇦‌🇧‌🇮‌🇳

❆Prompt: your friends asked you to stay with them in a cabin for a bit of a vacation and you obviously cant say no to them

❆Genre: fluff

❆Pairing: reader x best friend!nct (dream focus)

❆Word count: 2.6k (ok longest fic I see you)

❆a/n: this was so fun to write and now I'm crying I want this also I might make a summer edition once it gets hotter bc I have IDEAS now

ALSO NOT PROOFREAD

❆Tag list: @bumblebeenct​ @socketpunch​

❆TW: toy gun (?), German, swearing (?) idk not much haha

“Get in, loser, we’re going out of our minds!” Donghyuck yelled from the bus. 

You had agreed to spend the weekend with your friends at a cabin in the woods. 

They all got some time off and wanted to spend some time throwing snow balls at each other and building snowmen, but they couldn't do that without you. 

It was Friday, the day of departure. You had just gotten a text to come outside from Jeno a few minutes ago and there you were, staring at the big bus with 23 grown men, which would otherwise be terrifying, but since it was them, it seemed fun, and only a tiny bit terrifying. 

“Haven't you already?” You yelled back as you walked towards the bus and saw Johnny step out of the bus to help you with your bags and before you could say that you got it, they were already put away on the bus. 

“Thanks.” You smiled at him, your neck slightly hurting from the angle you had to put it in, in order to look at him.

“Don't mention it. Or do, if you must.” He said dramatically and gestured for you to get on the bus before him. You stepped into the bus and Johnny soon followed. 

Immediately, you were greeted by Doyoung, who was sitting at the front with Taeyong, who asked you about how you were and if you slept well.

You quickly greeted back and told them you were great and that you couldn't sleep that well, because you were excited. Before you could ask them the same, YangYang yelled for you to come over to the back as Hyuck pulled you after him. 

You tried to greet as many people as you could before getting to the back, where Yangyang sat with Renjun, Haechan and Hendery. Hyuck quickly sat down on the far left, right next to Renjun. 

Next to Renjun was a free seat, and next to that one Yangyang, with Hendery at the far right. Renjun and Yangyang both patted at the seat and smiled at you, waiting for you to sit between them.

“I’m guessing my plan of a quiet ride was doomed from the start.” You dramatically sighed as you sat down between the two. 

“That was never an option and you know it.” Hyuck laughed, causing all 5 of you to chuckle.

You spent a good 40 minutes talking to Yangyang and Hendery as Renjun and Hyuck debated about something next to you, before you made the first stop. 

“About 10 minutes and then if you're not back on the bus, we shall leave without you, except for you, Jisung, we love you and would never leave you.” Johnny said before the group chuckled as Jisung got embarrassed.

You swear you could hear Chenle’s “of course we would, we have terrible memory.” and Jisung sighing before Renjun dragged you off the bus. 

You got off the bus and were met with Jaemin, who looked like he was about to kill someone, and Jeno, who looked he was trying his best for Jaemin not to give in. 

“Good morning.” You said “Whats so good about it?” Jaemin sighed, leaning against the bus and throwing his head back. 

You looked over at Jeno and tried to contain your laugh, to which he only mouthed “No coffee yet”. You nodded, chuckling a bit before following Shotaro, Hendery and Kun, who went to go get coffee for everyone. 

You barely got your own cup into your hands before you were pulled away from the three and into the store.

“Yn, come with me, I need it.” Hyuck said. “Need what?” You asked, following close behind. 

He didn't comment, he just dragged you to the toy section and showed you the toy gun. 

“You need a toy gun?” You asked “Yes.” He sassed “Its so pretty.” He explained “And it has fake bullets!” He added, excitedly. 

“Very nice, Hyuck. Here’s a deal, I’ll buy you the extra bullets if you promise not to use the gun on me.” You said, knowing very well that you need to make a deal beforehand.

“Deal.” He smiled, shaking your hand. 

Once you finished at the check out, you saw Jaemin pinching Jisung’s cheeks while Chenle and Jeno had their heads in their hands, they weren't surprised, but still a tad disappointed. 

“How many coffees did I miss?” You asked, causing Jeno to chuckle before returning to his disappointment. 

You stood outside of the bus for a while, talking to Chenle about his dog, well, him talking and showing you photos of Daegal while you listened and admired.

“Can I be her godparent?” You asked, placing a hand on his shoulder as Xiaojun’s head turned to you. “Godly parent?” He asked.

“God parent, but while we’re on the topic-” “DONT GET HIM STARTED, IM SITTING NEXT TO HIM AND I WANT TO SLEEP.” Kun cut you off.

“Haha, old man.” Lucas laughed before Kun looked at him and sighed. “I didn't sign up for this, I just wanted to sing.” He sighed. “You love us and you know it!” Yangyang teased. 

After a minute, you returned back to your seat and watched as Hyuck put the bullets into the gun already. 

You pulled out your phone and put in your headphones, before Renjun came up to you and took them away from you and put them in his pocket. 

“Hey!” you protested. “Wait a bit.” He said, laughing and sitting next to you.

“Now, is everyone awake?” Johnny asked, standing up once again. “Yes!” The whole bus yelled.

“What?” he asked, placing his hand behind his ear. “Ay, Ay, captain!” 

“I can't hear you!” 

“Ay, ay, captain!”

“Ohhhh, who wants the aux first?” 

A couple hands got raised, but Johnny sighed and said “If no one wants it, I guess ill be first.” and put on the first song, which was SHINee’s Lucifer, which made the whole bus jam out.

The songs kept going and your ears were in heaven, there were 23 professional singers singing some of your favourite songs, of course they were, but after a while, the atmosphere calmed down and you continued talking to Renjun.

You remember seeing most of WayV, Shotaro and Jungwoo playing a game, Taeyong play on his Nintendo while Doyoung watched and critiqued, Johnny and Taeil making Mark and Ten laugh every 3 seconds as Jaehyun and Yuta discussed something.

After some time, Jeno, Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung changed seats so they were right in front of you, which resulted in you playing some games.

An hour later, you got to your destination. You watched as Jaehyun, Jeno, Lucas, Jaemin and Johnny bring the bags and the suitcases from the bus as  Kun, Taeyong and Doyoung went to go get the keys while you and the others stood before your cabins. 

Once the suitcases were out and distributed, you waited for the keys. Most of Wayv and Shotaro was standing on the porch and discussing something, half of 127 was cuddled up while the other half took photos, alongside Sungchan.

You and the dreamies and Yangyang however, were playing with the snow. Hyuck pulled out his fake gun and jokingly started pointing it at the others. He jokingly shot us, one by one and we all played along, expect for Chenle, because he couldn't bother to move.

First, it was Jaemin, then Yangyang, Jeno, you, Jisung and at the end, Renjun, who just so happen to be near a hill so you all watched in shock as he rolled down it, getting covered in snow as Jeno and Jaemin went to go get him. 

Taeyong walked over to you guys to give you the keys before he saw Renjun, who resembled a snowman and Jeno and Jaemin helping said snowman. 

“Renjun, you okay?” He asked as Chenle, Hyuck and Yangyang laughed their asses off. Renjun just showed a thumbs up as they made their way up the hill again.

You thanked Taeyong for the keys as he and Hyuck made their way to the 127′s cabin and Yangyang to WayV’s. 

You walked to the cabin and went in, leaving your bags at the door. Jeno started the fire in the fireplace as Jisung and Chenle browsed the cabin while you and Jaemin asked Renjun if he wants cuddles to warm him up.

“Normally, I would say no, but I'm really cold, so I shall allow it.” he said before you and Jaemin looked at each other and cuddled the melted snowman. 

After cuddling for a bit, Jeno suggested deciding roommates, so once Chenle and Jisung got back, they reported on the rooms and you used a random pair up generator, since none of you had any preference.

Jeno and Chenle got the ground floor room, which was closest to the kitchen. Jaemin and Jisung got the room one level up, which had the best bathroom and you and Renjun got the top floor room, which had the best view. 

“You guys hungry?” Chenle asked, to which everyone nodded. “I’ll call Doyoung and ask if they know what they're going to eat.” Jeno said, picking up his phone. 

“I’ll take the bags to our room.” Jaemin said, taking his and Jisung’s stuff and walking up the stairs. 

“I’ll do the same.” Renjun said as Chenle and Jeno looked at each other before Chenle sighed. “I guess I shall too.”

Now, you and Jisung were watching Jeno as he called Doyoung. Apparently, there was a take out place not so far away, which did deliveries so they decided on that. 

Once the others got back, you told them and you made your way to the biggest cabin, which was 127′s. The others also came to the cabin and half an hour of everyone on their phone, the food had arrived. 

Taeyong suggested they used his new projector to watch something, so you did. You all gathered on the big couch and floor as the movie started playing on the wall while you ate.

Two movies later, Kun suggested going outside to make snowmen, while Yangyang suggested a snow ball fight, so you did both.

You started building the snowmen with Taeil and Winwin, but once you felt a snow ball hit your back, you said fuck it and joined the fight. 

You got a few throws in before you all got really cold and went back inside for some hot chocolate. 

Xiaojun, Kun, Taeyong, Doyoung, Jaemin and Jeno went to the nearby store to buy what you needed for breakfast while the others stayed in the big cabin and played a few games before Renjun got mad at Jisung’s team beating him.

“Jisung, meet me on the rooftop.” Renjun commented, making everyone laugh. 

You ended up talking to Chenle about something, but you forgot the Korean word for it, and the English word for it, you could only remember the word in German, only because you remember Yangyang teaching it to you a while back.

“Yangyang!” You yelled, grabbing Chenle’s hand and walked over to Yangyang. “Yes?” He asked.

“How do you say schwert in Korean?” You asked. “You mean sword?” Yangyang asked, which made you mentally slap yourself for not remembering. 

“What about in Korean?” Chenle asked, causing silence from the both of you until you both yelled “Mark!” and so, you, Chenle and Yangyang walked over to him.

“Yes?” He asked. “How do you say sword in Korean?” Yangyang asked, to which Mark just stared at all of you.

“Johnny!” Mark yelled as so, you, Chenle, Yangyang and Mark now walked towards Johnny asked him the same question.

“Yeah?” He asked, turning around to face you all. “How do you say sword in Korean?” Mark asked.

Johnny just looked at you all before pulling out his phone and googling google translate. “검 (Geom).” he said, showing you the translation. 

“We’re idiots, aren't we?” You asked. “Yup.” “Totally.” “The dumbest.”

“Wait, how do you say it in Chinese...” Chenle wondered before yelling “Renjun!”

It was getting late, so you said your goodbyes to the others and went back to your cabins, where Jaemin insisted on making you all dinner, so while he made dinner, you sat down on the couch and turned the tv on and searched fort the new buzzed unsolved episode on the YouTube section. 

“You started it without me?” Renjun asked, sitting right next to you. “I was searching.” You defended as Chenle sat down on the floor and waited for you to hit play.

As Jeno helped Jaemin, the rest of you watched the episode, you and Renjun on the couch, his legs lightly tossed over your lap as he leaned against the arm of the couch while Chenle sat right below you on the floor and Jisung next to him. 

“Dumbass.” Renjun commented. “You would do the same.” You said, laughing. “I would not!” he yelled. “You would.” Chenle and Jisung said in unison, making Renjun huff and continue watching in silence as you pet his head, jokingly. 

By the end of the episode, Renjun had turned so that his head was in your lap and his legs were on the arm of the chair as you played his hair and Chenle and Jisung were lazily spread out on the floor.

“Kids, dinner’s ready!” Jeno yelled, causing the two on the floor to groan and slowly get up. “You heard your dad, go.” you teased the two as Renjun got up and held his hand up to help you up.

You got to the kitchen and sat down, eating the food that Jaemin and Jeno prepared in silence.

On the ground floor, Jeno and Chenle tossed and turned, not being able to find a good position until Jeno said fuck it and got up. 

“Jaemin is probably cuddling with Jisung so they have a spare bed, so....se ya!” he said, holding up a peace sign before walking out the door. 

Once he got there, he opened the door to see Jaemin with all of his limbs wrapped around Jisung and thanked god before walking to the other bed and fell asleep.

Back on the ground floor, Chenle tried to sleep again but couldn't, so he said to himself “If Yn and Renjun are sleeping right now, I swear to god.” before getting up and walking to your room. 

He opened the door, and there you were, lying on the floor as a Taylor Swift song played. “What ya doing?” he asked.

“We’re talking about alien li-” “Nerds.” Chenle cut Renjun off before entering the room and lying next to you. 

“So, what exactly were you saying?” Chenle asked, turning his head to face you.

“How aliens could be monitoring us right now.” You said, turning your head to face him.

“But why? You two are so boring, what's there to see?” He said, making Renjun get up and tell you to hold him back, which you did. 

“You're just mad at the truth!” Chenle yelled, propping himself up as he laughed. 

Renjun started laughing too, and so did you, which ended up with all of you back on the floor, laughing, before one of you changed the subject back onto alien life and next thing you know, Jeno was at your door to tell you that its time for breakfast.

Once you finished breakfast, you ended up taking your sketchbook out, and so did Renjun. You spent the whole morning and a bit of the afternoon drawing and doodling with Renjun as Chenle and Jeno played games while Jaemin and Jisung were on their phones.

You looked up from your paper and saw them all having fun and relaxed in your chair.

“There truly is no place like home.” 

[hanniiesuckle17]

i would like to bless your followers and dash, sooo can you give me a crash course in noir 😊😊

OMG YES OFCCCCCC💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

OKAY SO HERE IS THE DEAL

NOIR is a nine-member boy group under Luk Factory

(Not really pleased with how they are promoting my boys but imma get over it one day!)

Our fan name is Lumiere (or Lumi) and we don’t have any official colors or a lightstick yet.

Noir debuted on April 9th of 2018. With the mini-album Twenty’s Noir. Their title debut song was Gansta (SUCHA GOOD VIDEO) 

They also had a predebut song called As a Star and it makes me so soft.

Their next comeback is on the 27th (THIS MONDAY!!!!!!) The album is called Up the Sky and the title track is called Lucifer

IM SO FUCKING EXCITED YOU HAVE NO IDEA

MEMBERS 

Shin Seunghoon

Shin Seunghoon is our precious leader!!!! 

(He was what got me into Noir. I saw a video about the best leaders in kpop and I was like)

He is 27 years old. His birthday is May 30th, 1993 (He is a Gemini)

Boy is tallllllllllllllllllllll

like he’s 5′10.

but in pictures by himself he for real looks like he is 6′2

istg he is like 65% legs.

ALSO MAN AS A RIPPED CHEST SORRY BACK TO REGULARLY SCHEDULED NOIRING

He is the leader, main rapper, and also sometimes a vocalist (but the rappers in this group pretty much fo everything)

HE SPITS FIRE when he wants to. 

Really good at freestyling 

He makes mixtapes on youtube on Noir’s channel. (I think he has 5 out now)

He is a college-educated man!!!! (He went to Korean National Open University

He took taekwondo when he was younger

The man trained for 8 years

He and Hoyeon compose and format a lot of their songs with a team of producers from LUK

(I often think he and Chan from skz are really similar.)

Seunghoon is legit a father of 8 soft crackhead kids. istg he is so done with them most of the time

We call him our koala because he looks like one <3

Seunghoon is obsessed with accessories and wearing them to the point where stylists literally have to take them off of him. (I have never not seen picture of him not wearing jewelry. )

he is actually in the military right now and i miss him so fricking much TT

All in all hot boy on screen and soft dad in real life

Kim Yeonkuk

this boy I cant

Kim Yeonkuk. Damn.

he was on Produce 101 season 2

he was eliminated on ep.5 :(

He is the lead dancer and a vocalist

Yeonkuk is 25 years old. His birthday is February 8, 1995 (An Aquarius)

is totally the aegyo king but denies it

he seems cold at first but has a big ass bright personality its so freakin adorable

my personal favorite clip of him is and the boys dancing around on vlive to big bang and him saying fantastic baby (its sounds so cute when he says it)

He is also a 5′10 tall boy

he trained for 3 years

THIS BOY IS SO FREAKING SKINNY SOMEONE PLEASE EGIVE HIM A HAMBURGER OR SOMETHING TAKE HIM TO TACO BELL

not kidding

his waist is so fucking small its scary.

Yeonkuk=stringbean

literally a walking meme.

pause in any interview and he is pretty much gonna give you a memeable face

this boy is so loveable and goofy 

also if this boy doesn't post like 8 photos of him doing something on insta im convinced he thinks that it just didn’t happen

he never posts just one photo its always like 6-8

also I was highkey afraid he was gonna go bald last comeback when they legit turned his hair into smurfs pubes

Lee Junyong

Lee Junyong. When i say i love this man with my whole heart

also 25 years old

his birthday is March 1st 1995 (Pisces)

another 5′10 king

Main vocalist.

he is a former member of INX

his brother is Seungyong from N.CUS

he trained for 4 years

THIS MAN IS TOO ATTRACTIVE FOR THIS EARTH

vocals for days. VOCALS.FOR.DAYS.

Did a cover of BTS’s The Truth Untold with Siha and literally gives me chills.

He has little crooked front teeth so when he sings he has this tiny little breath in some of the words so his voice is even more distinct

BUT LIKE JUNYONG HAS THE CUTEST SMILE EVER (I love his teeth in that's a weird thing to say but i think they are so cute)

he is 1/2 of the Highnote Belting Club

talks. all. the. freaking. time.

he goes live alot

boy is obsessed with Yunsung someone save yunsung from him

total crackhead when not doing real interviews

never fails to make me smile

he is said to be the moodmaker of the group

APPARENTLY HE WAS IN ONE EPISODE OF MY FAVORITE DRAMA AND I HAD NO IDEA

he was in episode 6 of The Liar and His Lover

overall he is just so sweet and funny and its so easy to love him

Nam Yunsung

Yunsung is the Lead vocalist and Visual

24 years old His birthday is August 29, 1996

He is a virgooo

MAN IS 6FT EVEN

lead vocalist and LOOKS IT

he is the king of intense eye contact with the camera 

he looks like legit prince charming

2/2 of Highnote Belting Club

weird af

istg he is the biggest crackhead

very extra. (as you can see in gif)

he calls himself a vampire because of his super pale skin

he trained for 4 years

he raps part time

HE ACTUALLY ENJOYS EXCERCISE

he hides snack between his bed and the wall but apparently daewon and junyong steal them

I think he rooms with junyong? not sure

Someone save him from junyong. boy is going to be smothered to death

ngl their relationship is really cute

he was also in Produce 101 S2 but left bc of health issues.

cutest thing ever and then turns into a devil onstage

a literal puppy

he is big fan of ateez and he and another member actually went to the groups first concert in korea

he is just so precious and weird 

Kim Siheon

oml this smol bean

Kim Siheon god damn

He is 23 years old

Birthday is December 23, 1997 (Capricorn like meeeee)

also 5′10 babyy

Vocalist but also a rapper (he rapped suga’s part in their remix of BTS Fake Love)

LIKES TO BIAS WREKC FREAKING EVERYONE

Beware the Siheon

He has a hot older sister, Hanbit, from a group called Hot Place (Their debut song is called TMI and its pretty good.)

HOTNESS RUNS IN HIS FAMILY

he trained for 5 months

he really likes drawing and does caricatures of his members

he is the eyebrow king

idk his eyesbrows are just.... 

stylists do things to his eyebrows anf it just fucks everyone up

high key has the best fashion sense

others boys willshow up to vlive in like hoodies and he is wearing a freakin casual suit

BOY PLAYS TO WIN’

he is like a boss at every kind of game

claims himself to be sweet like “Heonie”

“Hi! I’m siheon! Heonie Heonie Siheonie!”

he is a litter quieter than the other guys 

BUT he is so funny 

he doesn't like spice on his food for some reason

yeah he's crazy

he trained for 5 years

he's just precious and hot and hot and really hot

Ryu Hoyeon

THIS MAN HAS GIVEN ME SO MANY PROBLEMS

Ryu Hoyeon.

So he is my bias wrecker. Boy climbed up my bias list so freaking fast

He is the main dancer, vocalist, and a rapper (he also composes and arranges with Seunghoon)

He is 22 years old

His birthday is February 6, 1998 (Aquarius)

anontherrrrr 5′10 babbyyyy

cheekkkkkbooonnneeeessss

SHARK BOYY

He says he looks like a shark and i agree

HE HAS A NICE FUCKING TORSO

There was a predebut photo of him half shirtless it was awesome

he was also on Produce 101 S2 

eliminated on ep.5 :(

he trained for 2 years

He, yeonkuk, and seunghoon were in the Japanese tour of the musical Altar Boyz with Teen top’s Niel,2PM’s Chansung, and many others

he has a semi viral video of him

when he was a trainee / on produce 101 he was dancing to nct127 cherry bomb and had an unfortunate but quite hilarious accident (just look it up its funny)

sucks ass at games. every game. ever.

he is a low-key crackhead. he is a calm crackhead lol

VERY ATTRACTIVE

he used to have a youtube channel

you can still see his insta (leaderyoo) its so freaking cute and has predebut stuff of all the boys

he made their entire remix of fake love

he choreographed their song Diamond and also their cover of Taki Taki (which was very hot)

becomes a beast when dancing

he has an original chore to WEight in Gold that is very.......(insert eyebrow wiggle here)

has that dorito torso

(tiny waist and broad shoulders)

also thighs god damn

He is also a HUGE Vixx fanboy

Alter ego is DJ Ironman

He is very close with Siha, Siheon, and Yeonkuk

they turned him into a traffic cone for the Doom Doom comeback

he speaks a little bit of English (just a little bit)

all in all I'm completely in love with this man

Yang Siha 

THIS MAN IS SO FINEEEEEEE (he's my bias btw I have never been so in love with a man other than jisung)

Yang Siha is just uugghghhh god damn

22 year old babyyyy

Birthday is March 9, 1998 (Pisces)

Lil baby is 5′7″ oml i love him

MAIN VOCALIST AND DESERVES IT

he likes watching youtube videos and anime

He trained for 1 year and 1/2

looks good in every freaking hair color

his voice does NOT MATHC HIS FACE 

but not like in a Felix level way

He says his most attractive features are his “feminine features” (he says his unpronounced Adams apple and his small noes and doe eyes

HE HAS SMOL EARSSSS and i lovethem

close with Hoyeon and Siheon

but like his voice though

its so freaking pretty

it gives me chills

everything about him is perfect

he has tiny lips lol

he can play guitar

legit i swear his entire closet is black he rarely wears color

legit EVERYONE LOVES HIM

if someone is hugging anyone in a vlive or something

its siha

its always siha

everyone cuddles siha

i wanna cuddle siha. fuck.

for some reason I've just noticed this

the boy likes to wear long sleeves idk why

he also always seems to wear this one necklace Idk why but its so pretty and i really love that he does idk

he says his favorite song by NOIR is Travel (its also my favorite. its on their debut album and omg his part <3)

he is just so pure oml everything he posts on insta just makes me so soft

he is just so freakin cute and makes me switch lanes so fast

Kim Minhyuk

ooooof this cutie

Kim Minhyuk is something else

i just don't know what he is lol

Lead rapper and lead dancer

22 years old

His birthday is March 18th, 1998 (Pisces)

5′11 boy yes sir

ALSO A COLLEGE EDUCATED MAN

He went to Seoul Arts College

he has an older brother

apparently he cooks in the dorms

he trained for 1 year

he likes to play basketball

he really loves taking photos on his camera

he HATES bugs. its kind of funny ngl

he also is deathly afraid of balloons (i will not apologize for laughing at this one)

He and yunsung loooove ateez. they went to their first concert.

HE SERVES LOOOOKKKSSS

I think he is the most versatile member (look wise) because sometimes its hard to recognize him with each comeback because they change his style

he has these really cute big circle glasses he wear and just uwu

he kinda looks like Simon or Theodore from Alvin in the chipmunks in the best way.

he has a thing about jumping

like whenever he gets excited or happy he just starts jumping

he smiles like sunshineeeeee

even though he is the second youngest a lot of the members say that they go to him for advice 

(probably cause he has permanent hold of one of the 3 braincells noir has)

he looooves girl group dances 

especially twice 

TIKTOK KING 

He owns Noir’s tiktok pretty much. also their insta

he's a precious chipmunk

Kim Daewon

Thhis baby oml

Kim Daewon is the cutest thing since that fluffy little dog whose name i cant remember

20 years old 

Birthday is April 18th, 2000 (Aries)

Lead Dancer, vocalist, maknae

PROTEC THIS BABY BOY

In pictures he looks tall af

actually...

5′7″ but looks like 5′4″

the cutest thing everrrrr

HIS CHEEEKS

the biggest fluffiest cutest cheeks

everything about him is smol except for them thighssss

trained for 1 year

he has one older sister

THE BOY NEEDS MORE LINESSSS LUK FACTORY GIVE HIM MORE LINESSSSSS

he goes off in the chorus of their b-side track “Between” though like fuuuuuuucccckkkk (lowkey one of my favorite songs by them)

literally one of the funniest people you will ever see

extra crackhead energy

makes all the boys laugh

he loves chicken and snacks (gotta keep those cheeks in top shape)

literally the softest boy

he's good at everything i swear

he likes to shimmy.

has a cute butt lol

he talks in tiny

literally the cutest maknae ever oml

I hope this helped guys!!!!! I really hope you can stan noir and support them in their comeback this Monday! I hope this helped @distrikt9 if you need videos or anything feel free to ask! I love sharing my boys. They really are so underrated. I did this so fast ngl. I've never typed so fast

[bangtanlalaland]

in case we die | kth (m.)

synopsis ↳how could you fall for the living when you’re dead? when all you wanted was to haunt the man that murdered you?

— 1980′s!au

→pairing: serial killer!kim taehyung x spirit!female reader     ↳featuring: bf!kim seokjin

→genre: smut, angst, low key crack

→word count: 10.3k

→contents ⨯ warnings: 10 year age gap (idk if that’s important lolol), spectrophilia (sexual attraction to ghosts), hybristophilia, lots & lots of angst, tiniest bit of fluff, murder (obvi), obsession, hair kink¿ (is that even a thing?), mentions of death, blood here & there, spirits (duh), swearing, dirty talk, masturbation, voyeurism, orgasms, unprotected sex (protect yourselves!), oral (m receiving), deepthroating, cum swallowing, creampie

↳inspired by: Tinashe’s “In Case We Die” mixtape

☞ disclaimer: Please do not take this story 10000% serious. I promise I’m a normal human being with morals. This body of text is for entertainment purposes only. All characters, settings, scenarios, and dialogue are fictitious. Any similarity to events or persons, whether living or dead, is coincidental.

The flash of lightning from the storm and shuddering sound of thunder overtake the gloomy night. The lock clicks as Taehyung pries open the back door of his neighbors’ family-style home. Silently creeping through the kitchen, the lingering scent of a delicious dinner from hours ago fills his nostrils. His senses are peaking, adrenaline is rushing, skin perspiring.

No, this isn’t his first time killing someone. But it’s the first time that he feels things are a bit off. Like he chose the wrong house kind of off. Sweat drops dripping down his forehead, palms are sweating profusely. He knows every single crack and crevice of this house but the feeling is still uneasy.

He stammers in his tracks, thrown off completely. What is the matter? I’ve been doing this for years, he thinks to himself. Is it the fact that he has history with this family? The numerous framed pictures on the wall catch his attention as he stands before the stairs. Or maybe it’s because of you.

He sees the family portrait, with you placed in the middle surrounded by your parents. His heart suddenly drops. The sight of you staring back at him through the photo causes his fists to clench.

Why does he want to kill you? Should he rethink his entire plan? He was 10 years older than you, but had known you and your family for just as long. He wanted you all to himself. Sure you were a young, eighteen-year old, naive, high school senior but he knew it wouldn’t be possible. Especially since you have a boyfriend.

Prom night was a memory he would never forget. Your parents asked him to escort you and your boyfriend in his stationwagon. When he arrived at your home to pick you up, he admired the way your prom dress hugged your figure in the most sexiest way. So much that it made him have wild thoughts about you, leaving him a horny mess at the end of the night.

He remembers storming into his home and locking his bedroom door shut. His fingers run furiously through his black mullet, chest heaving up and down, sweating profusely. Full of rage, frustration, lust, and regret. He unbuckles his belt to drop his pants and briefs all in one go, aching to release his tension.

His member pops straight up, rock hard as he plops on his bed lying on his back. Closing his eyes and picturing you in your prom dress, he wraps his slender fingers around himself and gradually pumps. “Fuck,” he whispers. If only he could rip the material away from your tight bod to expose what he’s been craving for so long. He relishes in the memory of your bouncy, curled hair, filled of volume and basked in the scent of hairspray.

The simple thought of how it would feel to tug your strands between his fingers whilst he penetrates you. He continues to play your voice over and over again in his mind, when you called his name: “Taehyung!” greeting him with open arms, when he arrived at your home. The tantalizing aroma of your being captivated him in that moment. He pumps faster, the sound of your voice echoing through his eardrums.

Lips begin to part, his breathing hitches in the moment. Your face is all he can see. Your voice is all he can hear. Your scent is all he can smell. Your body is what he needs. His member leaks of pre-cum, coating his tip in the liquid as it oozes out. He lets out a breathy moan, calling your name.

The feeling of your skin clinging to his, while he’s on top of you. Both of your bodies scorching and sticking to one another, binded with perspiration. Your moans escaping your lips from under him, inspiring him to pound deeper into you. Your nails scraping his back, your squeals and cries for him are what send him over the edge.

“Taehyung!” you yelp.

He loosens his grip on his throbbing cock, gently stroking up and down. His chest rumbles as a lengthy moan slips from his lips. His lower area tenses up, and his member spasms. He uses his unoccupied hand to grip his bed comforter, twisting and turning the material around as the pleasure washes over his body. The stream of liquid, pooling from his balls to his tip, shoot up in the air and land back on his pelvic area.

“I’m... cumming, fuck.”

The strands of his jet, black hair soaking in sweat and sticking to his forehead. His eyes flutter open, chest heaving up and down, he continues to escape from his orgasmic high. Taehyung stares up into the ceiling, and takes a deep breath.

He props himself up on his elbows to gaze at the cum that’s smothered on his lower half. If only you were there to clean his mess with your mouth, so that he wouldn’t have to waste another tissue to wipe away his jizz and toss it in the trash. He swears, under his breath, at the thought of it.

Then, he’s reminded just how lonely he is. He couldn’t stand seeing you with your boyfriend. Just the thought that someone else got to touch you, kiss you, and worst of all: fuck you. All the things he’d been dying to do to you. He always wished he could snap your boyfriend’s head to end it all. But he knew that wouldn’t solve anything.

He didn’t want to see you hurt, and most importantly he didn’t want you to hate him. Besides, he knew you would never accept him if you found out he’s a serial killer. For years, he became obsessed with the idea of death. He targeted women, because he knew how much more vulnerable they are than men.

That gave him authority and control. In college, he’d done an ample amount of research on life after death, near death experiences, the supposed “afterlife,” and even spectrophilia. There had been a few rare cases of humans having sexual encounters with ghosts.

He also found that if a spirit was not rested, it would linger on Earth within the Spirit World or “Afterlife” as they call it. And based on the research he had done, spirits mostly were not rested in peace because the body itself was murdered.

That was when the idea sparked.

He had finally came to the conclusion that he has to kill you. If he can’t have you in this life, then he could have you in the afterlife. His plan was going to work, and he was going to make sure of it.

Yet another clash of thunder snaps Taehyung out of the pondering thoughts he’s having of his premeditated actions. He shakes his head. Snap out of it! Must not have any second thoughts at this moment. It’s important to stick to the plan. No distractions.

His eyes follow his path ahead of him. He quietly removes his shoes before proceeding further. His light weight causes a slight creak in the stairs, as he mindfully approaches the second level. His eyes dart toward your room, and his heart beats profoundly.

He continues to scan his surroundings, reassuring that no one was around or watching. Being careful in case someone were to awaken. Lightning strikes again, creating a brief flash of light throughout the home. Taehyung silently treads toward your room. He stops in front of your door, inhaling a deep breath.

Taehyung carefully wraps his hand around the door knob, slowly turning it in a counter-clockwise motion. He takes one last breath before pushing the door open gradually. The slight creak in the door startles him, but he’s back at ease when he steps inside your room to find that you’re still sound asleep under your covers.

The door behind him is shut quietly, and he turns around. He shuts his eyes and inhales deeply, taking in the aroma of your room. His right hand slips into the knife pocket attached to his jeans, pulling out the weapon with a needy force, exposing the blade of his bowie knife. He places the knife face down and sneaks it between his chest, inside his corduroy jacket. He continues to stand there simply admiring the view of you in your slumber.

It’s time to put an end to it all.

It’s Sunday in the month of May. You’re home alone with your parents enjoying the remainder of the night. Seated on the couch between your parents, you hear a ding! Your mouth waters at the sound of the microwave beeping. Your buttery popcorn is ready.

You hurriedly skip to the kitchen before the next program on TV comes on. The air from the steamy kernels fills your senses. You quickly grab one of those big, plastic bowls to dump the popcorn in.

“Sweetheart, it’s the news!”

Coming! you respond. You make it back to the living room and plop down on the sofa. The TV stutters a few times, as it did 20 minutes ago. This time your dad gets out of his comfy spot and he does not look happy.

“Goddammit! Nancy, I told you we shouldn’t have bought this from that damn yard sale. You know Tim would sell a lemon for a car if his life depended on it.”

“Oh hush it, Carl. At least we have some kind of entertainment. Right, sweetheart?” your mother asks directing to you.

You nod your head while stuffing your mouth with popcorn. Your dad continues to swear under his breath and pound on the TV with his fist. He fumbles with the antenna and the television gradually comes back to life.

“There we go,” he says, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand and finding his way back to his spot beside you on the sofa.

I repeat. This is John Turner with Channel 4 News. For anyone that is just now tuning in.. Today we have received new information from the local police department on “The Silent Creeper” who has yet striked again.

“Are they still trying to find that crazy man killing all of those women?”

“Last I heard he was about 10 miles from here.”

“10 miles?!”

You can’t hear reporter John at this point, with your parents going back and forth, “Shhh!”

The three of you stare at the TV, in need of answers. Someone hands the reporter a vanilla folder.

“I will now read the statement that the police department has released.”

“To the townspeople, we want to make everyone aware that our team is working diligently to capture the criminal that has continued to terrorize the surrounding areas for the past 3 years, but whom has now reached our town as well. The Silent Creeper was last seen in our town on Friday night.”

You hear your mom gasp. “Oh my God! Friday was prom night!”

“Mom!”

“He assaulted a victim with a deadly weapon and attempted to strangle her with a telephone cord, only to be startled when the cord sparked as the victim was still alive. Realizing that he had not succeeded, he fled the scene. Unfortunately, we had not been able to arrive on scene in time enough to catch him from the time the victim called the station.”

“As each day passes, we are getting closer to putting The Silent Creeper to an end. In addition, we were able to get a brief description from the victim. He is a fair-skinned male standing at about or around 6 feet tall with black hair, medium length. Long enough to touch the base of his neck along with bangs that cover his eyebrows. He is said to have large hands and a slim figure, carrying a knife blade. He is also known to have a hair fetish, collecting samples of head hair from his victims.”

“We ask that everyone locks their doors and windows. Please leave at least one light on in your home that can be visible in the front section of your home, as well as your front porch light. We advise that no one goes out at night unaccompanied. We highly recommend that no one leaves their homes past 10 p.m. whether accompanied or not, until we catch this criminal. Should you have any dire reason to leave your home past those hours, please call the station before doing so.”

“Lastly, we ask that everyone remains calm but stay alert and aware of your surroundings. Please do not answer your doors for anyone late at night, unless you are expecting a visitor. We are currently working on a sketch of the criminal and plan to release it by tomorrow afternoon. Should anyone have any information regarding this case, please give the station a call.”

“Well, there you heard it. Stay safe out there, folks. This is John Turner with Channel 4 News, signing off.”

There’s a brief moment of silence, and the program shuts down. Leaving the TV screen in a color coded background. Your mouth is agape, not believing that the town you grew up in is now not safe. The one place that you called your home, is now a prison.

“He was here?” you slip.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight,” your mother says with a pokerface.

“Honey, don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine,” your father responds almost nonchalantly.

“Don’t worry?! Everything is going to be fine? There is a murderer out on the loose and that could have been OUR daughter! She was out all night for prom with Jin!”

Your head begins to throb with a slight pain, hearing your parents constant bickering. You place the popcorn bowl on the couch and get up to walk towards the stairs, but stop in your tracks and rub your temples with the tips of your fingers.

“Yeah, at the school! That’s why Taehyung escorted them both! At least we are well aware of what the hell is going on in this damn town so we can be prepared!”

“Oh, it’s just so easy for you to brush this off because you are too wrapped up in that... that job of yours to be concerned about your own child’s safety!”

“I don’t have to put up with this! If it makes you feel any better, I do care about Y/N’s safety! She is MY daughter.”

“Well if you care, Carl. Start acting like it!”

You finally crack. “ENOUGH!”

Both of your parents snap towards you.

“Can you both please just stop? It doesn’t make the situation any better with you two arguing.” You pause for a brief moment, recollecting your thoughts.

“Dad, it’s okay if you’re scared. I know your my father and I know you feel obligated to protect me. But I want you to know that I know you’re human. I know you aren’t invincible. And there’s nothing wrong with being scared.”

They both look at each other then drop their heads low.

“Mom, I don’t want you to worry yourself to death. Dad’s right, I was with Jinnie and Taehyung on prom night. And nothing happened. Maybe it’s for a reason. We just have to believe that everything will be okay. At least we know now what we should be aware of and what to do to protect ourselves. I love you both.”

Your dad looks up and walks towards you, with your mother following behind him.

“We love you more, pumpkin.” He states with open arms, embracing you with a hug filled with love. You mother joins the two of you, wrapping her arms around you both.

Meanwhile, Taehyung sits in the dark, at his kitchen table, sipping coffee. He stares into space. Today’s newspaper article sits in front of him on the table, with the headline that reads:

THE SILENT CREEPER STRIKES AGAIN!

He knows he’s fucked. He sips the last swig of his coffee, rises from his seat, and angrily throws the mug at the wall ahead him, the ceramic pieces shattering onto the cold tile.

His fingers find the newspaper, and he tears it apart. Paper pieces landing on the ground. Rage fills his being and he lets out an absurd growl, while pounding on the kitchen cabinets. He runs his hands through his dark mullet, replaying Friday night over and over again in his head.

After coming home that night and releasing his tension, he was alone and he knew it. He needed another rush. Something to get him going. Something to get you off of his mind, because you were all he could think about.

So, what did I do wrong? What is happening to me? What if they catch me? Numerous questions continue to run through his mind. He had been doing this for over 3 years. Why would it all end now?

He's like an expert at this. If he gets caught now, that means all of his work meant nothing. All those times, he had elaborate plans and every one fell through perfectly. So what is the difference now?

He rests his hands on the counter with his arms extended all the way out. Sweat trickles down his forehead as his breathing calms down. The kitchen is filled with silence, leaving a ringing noise in his ears when suddenly it stops as his eyes trail up and through his kitchen window.

The blinds to the window in your room were open, and he could see you. Then it finally hit him, it was like a light-bulb flicked on with an idea in his head. He realizes that he can’t function because of you. You are a distraction. You are ruining his ways. And it is in this moment, Taehyung realizes that he has to kill you tonight.

Before he gets caught for good.

You remember your last night on Earth as if it were yesterday, literally. It wasn’t until you felt an unbearable stinging sensation on your neck that you had awaken from your deep sleep. You felt a warm liquid pooling from your throat, delaying your breathing. Your eyes shot open, and there was Taehyung Kim towering over you. Small spurts of blood shot onto him, covering his cheeks, chin, and forehead.

You couldn’t believe your eyes. It was him. The man you called your neighbor for so many years. Whom you trusted your entire life. You would have never guessed that it was him all along. That he’s The Silent Creeper.

The shine of the moonlight reflected off of his knife, as he held it up. With a hungry force, he plunges the knife into your abdomen. Completely taking your breath away. As much as you tried to fight, you couldn’t.

He had you pinned down with his thighs. You couldn’t move or scream. His large, cold hand covered your mouth to conceal any noises you attempted to make. He removes the blade from you and plunged into you again, causing you to choke. You gather up enough strength to claw at his biceps with your nails, only to fail because of the jacket that conceals his arms.

It was useless.

You knew that it was over. You were going to die. You try opening your mouth to question him. To beg him to stop what he was doing. To probe him as to why he was doing this.

Had I done something wrong? Did I say something wrong? What could cause him to kill me? Why would he want to kill me?

But the last plunge into your tummy makes your hands drop. Noticing this, he drops the knife on the floor and busies himself by cutting a portion of your hair.

Bringing it to his nose to take a lengthy wauf of it, he inhales deeply into his lungs. Your vision blurs as you lose consciousness. You attempt to grab him again, only being able to reach his right cheek. You wanted to scratch his face, to dig into his flesh in hopes that he would makes enough noise to awaken your parents.

But you didn’t have the strength. Unfortunately your hand could only caress him instead. Something you did not want to do. Your hand slowly lost its control as it slid down from his face, to his chest, then to his abdomen, and finally plopped onto his thigh.

Your breathing stopped, but your eyes remained open. You can no longer move, not even a finger. That’s when you knew you were dead. It was strange at first. When you realized you were no longer looking up into his eyes.

Instead, you were watching him from above. Like a birds view.

Where am I? Why am I not lying in bed? I mean, I am still in bed but it’s like I’m floating in the air, staring at my body lying in bed.

You watch Taehyung as he observes your body drenched in a pool of blood, that continues to soak your bed sheet. He simply sits there, tilting his head left and right and caressing your cheek.

“Why couldn’t you just stay out of my way?”

He takes another sniff of your luscious locs in his hand. What does he mean by that? How was I in his way? You attempt to reach out to him but nothing happens. You have no arms, no hands, no fingers. Nothing. You were just there. The fact that you’re dead and can no longer defend yourself, let alone stop him, pissed you off.

“Now look at you. My work here is done.”

His work? What?

He may be “done” with whatever it is he’s talking about, but you weren’t. And you were going to make sure of it. Once you figure out how you can control what’s happening to you. You take a moment to accept what’s already happened.

So why now? You hadn’t even begun to start your life. Graduation was this week, and you couldn’t even make it! And Jin? You can’t imagine how devastated he would be once he finds out you’re dead, murdered actually. Is there anyway you could see him for just one last time?

All you want is to see his gorgeous face light up as his plump, pink lips curl up into the brightest smile that could blind anyone that looks his way. It hurts you to know that you couldn’t even say goodbye. Or just a simple I love you. Just one more time. You needed him, and you know if he could have been there for you to save the day then he would have done so and much more.

Your thoughts are interrupted when you noticed Taehyung lifts himself off of you, planting his feet on the floor of your room. He wipes his forehead with the back of his hand and cracks his neck. What is wrong with him? How could one be so cruel? You always saw him to be such a gentleman. Guess you never really knew him all along.

Taehyung kneels down to grab his knife, and quietly sneaks out of your room. You can’t believe that he manages to escape, without a trace. Without anyone knowing what has happened. Only you knew who killed you. You knew who The Silent Creeper is, and there’s nothing you could do about it.

You can’t stop him. You can’t just call the police station to let them know: “Hey guys! You know that creepy guy that’s been killing all those women? Yeah, The Silent Creeper. He’s actually my neighbor. Oh, how do I know? Because he killed me!”

You’re filled with a grand amount of anguish just thinking about it. Your killer walks free as if nothing has happened, as if he didn’t just stab and slice you to your death. You want to scream, fight, hell maybe even just pound on something. But you can’t. You’re stuck “here,” whatever “here” is.

And you want out. You want to end his life. Just as he ended yours. But you won’t back down, not until he gets what he pays for. Even if it takes to haunt him for the rest of his life.

He will pay.

I’ve got to get out of here. You attempt to walk, knowing that you can’t yet you try anyway. But instead of actually moving, you find a way to float down, so now you’re eye-level with your surroundings - as if you were actually walking. Your essence floats throughout the room. You focus your direction towards your room door and just like that you float straight through it and now you’re on the other side.

You continue to float, making your way to your parents room, just so you could see them one last time. You find them sound asleep. The anguish slowly dissipates, and now there’s an overwhelming feeling of gloom. You didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. Your mother lays there on her side, as you watch her chest heave.

Your father on the right side lies on his back, snoring with his mouth open. You approach your mother closer, and try yet again to touch. Just to see if she could feel your presence. You reach out to her, hopefully that you could feel her and her hair strands rise up into the air. She shifts tosses over in the bed; and you immediately let her strands go, afraid that you might awaken her.

I love you mom. I love you dad.

After leaving your parents room, you guide yourself downstairs and through the front door. Then, the world you see from your perspective is revealed. It’s quiet, cold. Everything just seems blue. And there are others like you. Ghosts, souls, spirits, or whatever you call them. They float through the night. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before. It’s almost like another world.

Where am I? Is this where people go when they die? If so, what is “this” called?

Faint whispers echo around you. You can’t quite hear what is being said or who is saying it. Then a sudden voice from behind scares you.

“Hey.”

You’re startled to find a spirit within your path. She was beautiful, but she seemed young. Maybe just as you or younger.

“Hi?”

“My names Katie. And you?”

You continue to observe your surroundings, noticing you both are now the only ghosts in plain sight.

“My name is Y/N. Where exactly am I?”

She clears her throat, attempting to speak.

“Well, you’re in the Spirit World as we call it.”

Your eyes widen. Spirit World? Seriously, what the hell is going on?

“I don’t understand. Why am I here? I mean.. I know that I died, but.. why here? Why do I have to be here?”

She watches you in concern, gathering up the correct words to explain.

“Please, come with me. I will tell you as we float.”

Katie leads you on the way down the road of the town. She explains that souls wander Earth when they haven’t been rested. In your case, your soul was not rested because someone murdered you. She also made it clear that throughout time, you’ll find yourself shifting into different ambiences, usually replaying old memories or high peaks during your previous life; or sometimes shifting due to something deeper - such as a premonition. You also learned that she’s 18, just like you.

“Well, if that’s true then were you murdered?” You question her, curious to know as if any more information would make you grow more at ease.

“Yes, I actually was.” She whispers, barely audible.

“Do you also know who your killer is?” She grows silent. You almost take it as a sign that she wouldn’t answer you.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me.” You plead, feeling a slight bit of guilt.

“It’s.. it’s okay. It was my mother that murdered me.”

Your jaw drops, and you immediately feel a thousand times worse for even asking.

“Katie.. I-I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how you feel. How long has it been?”

“18 years.”

You’re confused as you ask, “18 years? But you said you’re 18?”

“Oh, silly me. I also forgot to mention that in the Spirit World, you don’t age.”

It all makes sense now. Which brings you to yet another question.

“Well, how come you’re still here? I mean, after all those years. I’m sure that we don’t just die to be stuck in the world we once were in, right?”

“That is true, but from meeting others like us, I’ve learned that the reason why souls like mine end up trapped is because our killer is still alive. And in my case, my mother is still alive, even though she’s been captured for her crime many years ago.”

You both re-approach the street where your house sits next to Taehyung’s. Then, immediate thought hits you. What if he gets caught? Then what? I’ll still be stuck here? I don’t want to be here forever. I want peace. Everlasting peace. You attempt to probe Katie with more questions, but as soon as your mouth parts, all you can grasp is that your surroundings are swiftly changing, as if you’re slipping into a different atmosphere.

“Shit, Katie! Everything is changing! What do I do?”

“It’s okay. Remember? It’s totally normal! You’ll be fine. I promise.”

Everything around you dissipates, until there is absolutely nothing left. You watch as your home vanish piece by piece before your eyes. Your mouth flies agape, paired with that feeling of somber again. Your cries can’t be heard, as you helplessly reach out to the place you once called home. The one place you don’t want to leave. Everything you’ve ever felt and experienced was in that house. As the last remaining portion of your home dissolves, you immediately feel yourself being pulled down into a vacuum. It’s pitch black.

No air, no light, no humans, no spirits, just pure blackness. The feeling of a wet substance under you causes you to look down. Water? Your eyes trail up ahead of you, and you’re stunned to find Taehyung yet again. He looked as if he was in a rush. He removed his jacket, flannel, boots, and jeans.

Hurriedly throwing his belongings into the washer. He bends down to grab a box of baking soda, pouring copious amounts on his clothes, and slamming the washer door shut. The atmosphere ascends, slowly piecing itself together. A few blinks later and you realize that you’re in the basement of his home. He rushes up the stairs and slams the basement door shut, locking it. You continue to observe the area.

Your attention is caught by a small area behind you in the corner. You lightly float to the spot and pull the light metal beads that hang from the light which sits above you. The light flicks on, and you’re instantly taken away. It’s an entire wall of newspaper articles about The Silent Creeper and photos of numerous women that were reported missing and/or bodies have been found.

You scan through each report, only to find that all of them had things in common. They were stabbed to death, with patches of their hair missing. You also noticed for each photo he had of every victim, their wads of hair were attached to them.

Are these all of the women he’s killed? If so, then why? What possesses him to commit such horrid acts?

Then you noticed your photo, along with your hair attached to it. Your thoughts are interrupted by a loud thud from above.

Curious to know, you move up the stairs and through the basement door. You float through his home, searching for the source of the noise you heard. You make a slight left turn after passing the kitchen, and gently walk down the hall. You hear faint sounds coming from the room at the end of the hallway.

Ones that sounded like… moans.

The door slightly cracked, you peeked through the small space that granted you access to see. Taehyung plops onto his bed, and you’re startled when you see he’s furiously pumping his erect member.

“Ugh, Y/N.”

You stop dead in your tracks when he mentions your name. Are you kidding me? He kills me just a few minutes ago, and now he’s moaning my name while jacking off?! That’s it! I’ve had enough! That feeling of rage courses throughout your spirit, and you forcefully enter the room he’s in, before thinking of what you are doing.

Taehyung hears a slight creak from the door and feels a gush of wind washing through him. His eyes immediately snap open and he flinches. Goosebumps appear on his arms. He stares into the space where the door is and looks like he’s seen a ghost, literally. He notices that the door is open – more than what he originally positioned it.

Did the door just move on it’s own? He thinks to himself.

Oh shit, you thought. Can he see me?

He quickly pulls his white undergarment over his member, and slowly walks toward the door. You simply stand there, shocked at what just happened. He treads through you and peeks down the hallway. His deep voice resonates within the home.

“Hello?”

Nothing and no one responds.

“Is anyone there?”

Still no response. He takes this as a sign and steps back into the room, shutting the door behind him. He walks through you again and falls back onto the bed, removing his tight fitted briefs staring at the door. Cock springing free, he bends his arm in a “V” shape and rests it behind his head.

His fingers find his cock again and he pumps slowly. Pre-cum dripping from within his tip, creating a squelching noise as he continues to pump. You can’t help but feel uncomfortable watching your killer masturbate. But, you have to admit that he does look hot.

After all, he’s a guy. And you’d be lying if you said you didn’t think Taehyung was attractive. Of course, you always thought he was. But, that’s besides the point. You shake your thoughts off, and focus on the real reason as to why you’re here. Which brings you to more questions…

Why am I here? What am I to do to him? If I couldn’t physically touch him, how could I ever hurt him? How am I supposed to kill him? Do I even want to kill him? I just want all of this to end already. I need answers, but most of all I need Seokjin. I have to find a way to get to him.

Maybe I could write a note or something. To tell him I miss him and love him, and that even though I’m gone, I will never forget him. But how could I do that? If no one can see me, feel me, or touch me, how could I ever say goodbye to Jin who was once my boyfriend?

“Ahh, baby. Fuuuck, cumming.”

You’re interrupted by the sounds of Taehyung moaning again. Your gaze trails over to him on the bed, pumping furiously as streams of white sperm gush from his throbbing member. He moans your name over and over again as if it were a chant. You’re disgusted and amused all at the same time.

You simply cannot comprehend how he could jack off after murdering someone. He’s seriously sick. If he just killed you, why would he moan your name as he orgasms? It just doesn’t make sense. You can’t take seeing anymore of him, as you’re convinced he’s mentally ill. No person with benevolence would do such a thing.

Let me out of here! I have to see my boyfriend. Please! I just need to see him.

Once again, the atmosphere deteriorated. Gradually shifting the ambience.

The world pieced itself together once again, and here you are standing in the gym entrance of your high school. The sound of music booming from inside, students standing in line waiting to enter the building, and roars emanating from cars entering the parking lot.

Prom night? But... why am I here?

You stand there dumbfounded. Then the sight of you and Jin walking with arms interlinked catches your attention.

You wouldn’t want to spend your prom night with anyone else other than your boyfriend Seokjin Kim. You were attired in a hot pink satin dress, with ruffles at the bottom and on the shoulders paired with the white corsage. Your hair was curled in the most bounciest way. Jin stood tall, wearing a black and white tuxedo along with a hot pink bow tie, rocking his signature dirty blonde mullet.

Before entering the schools gymnasium, you look back to find Taehyung’s stationwagon is still parked at the entrance. He waves you both off. Jin nudges your arm to get your attention.

“Babe, look!”

You both stare at how well everything came together. Admiring the streamers and disco balls hanging throughout the gym, the confetti scattered over the floor, and the heart pounding bass of Wham! playing.

“Woah, the school committee really did an amazing job!”

Jin spies the area where the photographer is taking photos of each couple in front of a backdrop.

“Hey, let’s go get our picture taken!” he pulls you along with him, almost making you tumble.

On the other side, Taehyung still stands in the same spot from when you last saw him. He takes a deep breath while making his way into the automobile, closing the door shut. He rests his head on the steering wheel.

If only I could have her instead of that douche bag of a boyfriend she has.

He sits there contemplating on his next move. What should he do? Should he stay here? Or should he leave then return an hour later? He needs to blow off some steam, and being here another second is not helping him at all. He slips the key in the ignition and pushes the gas pedal with his foot, taking off into the night.

After releasing his tension at home, he still felt like something was missing. He couldn’t stop thinking about you, and he needed so desperately for it to stop. And he needed it to stop now. He hopped back in his stationwagon to scout for his next victim. Several minutes later and he finds a ranch on a farm.

He parks his car, and reaches under the seat to grab his infamous knife. He exits the vehicle and pops the trunk to acquire a tire iron then hikes up the trail towards the home. It was a small home, and no lights were on. He assumed whoever was inside may have been asleep, noticing a car parked in the driveway.

Gripping the tire iron firmly, he makes his way toward the back of the home to find an entrance inside. To his luck, he finds a back door and smashes the lock with the tire iron, prying the door open. He quietly steps inside and just when he thinks he’s got things under control. An older female flicks the kitchen light on, startling Taehyung.

“Shit,” he drops the tire iron on the floor.

The woman lets out a piercing screech and rushes over to reach the rotary phone on the wall.

“Hey! Get back here!”

Ignoring his commands, she grasps the phone, yet it slips between her fingers as Taehyung races toward her and plunges her against the wall with his body, pulling her away from the phone and against him. He wraps his arms around her, holding her still.

“No! No, please don’t! No, I don’t want to die, please!” The woman sobs, as her fingers graze across Taehyung’s jacket.

“Now, now don’t worry. It’s okay. Shh, shhh..” Taehyung whispers, caressing her face as he slips his other hand into his pocket to obtain his clippers.

“Please don’t hurt me, I promise I won’t say anything!”

Taehyung chops a wad of the woman’s hair, taking in a quick sniff before stuffing it into his pocket along with the clippers. The woman gathers enough strength to kick Taehyung in the knee. He groans at the pain and releases his grasp around her.

“Ahhh, fuck! You bitch!”

He limps to the tire iron and lunges it toward the woman’s head, causing her to drop on the floor of the kitchen. She lies there with a small gash to the head, blood slowly streaming down her face.

Taehyung bends over to pick up the phone that was hanging on the ground. He kneels down to lift the woman up, wrapping the cord around her throat.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you off that easily.”

Despite her breathing, he pulls the cord tighter around her throat, attempting to strangle her to ensure she was dead. And out of nowhere a powerful spark emits from the cord and the woman’s eyes shoot open. Taehyung bounces up on his feet and stares in awe, the woman gradually awakens and coughs, using her arms to prop herself up on the floor.

She turns her gaze to him, getting one glance before he storms off into the night. He bolts down the trail, panting, and nearly out of breathe. It was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. His plans never failed. His fingers shaking, he fumbles around in his jacket pocket to get the car keys so he can open the door.

Moments later, he’s speeding down the road, en route to the high school.

Someone had clearly spiked the punch, because after a few cups, you and Jin suddenly became hornier than usual. And after a few dances, it really set the mood. “Careless Whisper” started playing. It was your favorite song and he knew it.

“Come on Jinnie, dance with meeee.” You whined, pulling on his arm.

“Babe, I’ll be right back I promise okay? I have to pee really bad.”

“Pinky promise?”

“I pinky promise.”

“Bring me back more punch!”

He smiles at you and blows a kiss, walking away to the boys restroom.

You couldn’t believe that you didn’t notice this that night. But Jin never went to the restroom. Your spirit follows him as he sneaks out of the gym door, and entered the hallway of the school. He kept looking back, to make sure no one was following or watching him.

At the end of the hall, he makes a left turn. And enters one of the classrooms, shutting the door behind him. It was Mr. Hopper’s chemistry class. What’s he doing in there? You’re startled when you peek through the window of the door. He was inside with another girl.

You float inside the room to find that he was making out with her. Oh my God! He cheated on me with Jessica Jefferson?! The rudest, blondest bitch of the school. She runs the clique with other mean bitches and they always torment freshman.

That familiar feeling of rage fills you. You’d been dating Jin since junior year. Everything was perfect. I mean, sure you both had arguments here and there. But you both were inseparable. You were convinced that you’d spend the rest of your life with him.

Is this why I’m here? To see that he cheated on me?

You decided to leave the classroom and check on your human self. You remembered sitting on the bleachers of the gym, waiting for your boyfriend to return. You also remembered seeing Taehyung through the door of the gym entrance. You waved at him at first, with a bright smile. But, he didn’t wave back. He simply stood there, eyeing you like a hawk.

It was such an uncomfortable feeling. You awkwardly look over to the students dancing, to try and break the eye contact. After a few beats, you look back to see if he’s still standing there but he wasn’t. Just like that, he was gone. Why was he watching you? More importantly, how long was he standing there watching you until you noticed? You never understood why. That is, until now.

"Boo!”

You screamed as your boyfriend startled you from your trance.

You shove him on his arm. “Asshole! Why would you do that?”

“I’m sorry, babe. Just thought it would be funny.” Your expression gives it away, as you continue looking at the door Taehyung was standing behind.

“What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing. Let’s just go.” You grab Seokjin’s hand.

“Hey, I know the perfect place.” You stare into his almond-shaped eyes, admiring the way they curl as he smiles.

You follow yourself as Jin drags you to the boys locker room.

Although, you’re still curious to know why you’re back at prom night, this day merely now a memory. You watch as the being that was once you, straddled Jin on the bench before the lockers. Your tongues dancing with each other.

He supports your back with his hands, running down to your waist. Your fingers tugging through the thick strands of his mullet, while your hips grind onto his erect member that hides underneath his suit. Gushes of arousal coat your panties.

“Mmm, babe. I’m so horny for you,” Jin moans.

He plants kisses along your jaw, your head falls back taking in the nostalgic feeling all awhile simultaneously laughing. The alcohol clearly in your system. You bring yourself up to whisper in his ear.

“Let me suck you off, baby.”

You stand up to give him room to remove his trousers and briefs in one go. His cock is rock hard, sprouting up and free. You bend over to drop a line of spit on his cock, using your hand to spread it all over his shaft. He hisses at the feeling of your warms hands massaging his member.

“You’re so hard, Jinnie.” You giggle as you let yourself down on your knees. You tease him, first giving his tip a few kitten licks before opening your mouth wide enough to fit his thick cock inside. You enclose your mouth around him, gaining another moan.

He watches you from above, teeth grazing against his bottom lip.

“Yes, Feels... so good.”

His hips buck, moving to the rhythm of your mouth. You use his thighs as leverage. Moans escape you as he continues his pace, sliding his lengthy cock against the soft texture of your tongue. Saliva trailing from your mouth onto his member, and back toward you sliding down your chin and neck.

Jin places his hand on the back of your head to push his cock further down your throat.

“Fuck.. Just like that. Don’t fucking stop.”

The gargling sound of your spit echoes throughout the room. The stretch your throat feels from his cock causes your eyes to water, making it difficult to keep them open.

“Look at me, babe.”

You follow his commands and look up at him. The sight of you stuffed full of him in your mouth along with watery eyes is nearly enough for him to climax all over your face. The burn in your lungs to breathe approaches. You graze your nails rapidly against his thighs hoping he would get the memo. Thankfully, he pulls out the way out.

You let go of his cock with the sound of a pop, taking a deep inhale to regain your breathing back. You look up at him while pumping his cock in your palm.

“Jinnie.. do you love me?”

His eyes widen at your question.

“Are you kidding? Of course I love you, baby. You’re my everything.” He wipes away the tear that falls from your eye, still gathering your breath together from the deepthroating session. With a lustful look in your eyes, you plead,

“Show me, then.” His lips curl into that gorgeous smile. He guides you up on your feet.

“Bend over,” he commands. You support your weight on the bench with your arms, doing as he tells you so. You feel your dress being lifted up. His fingers trace along the shape of your vulva, feeling the dampened material.

“How horny are you, baby?”

“Mmm so horny. Please just show me already.”

His fingers find the seam of your panties, pulling them all the way down until the drop to the floor. He licks to the pads of his fingers and rubs them along your folds.

“Wow, so wet. Just how I like it.”

Your pussy pulses, aching to feel his cock inside of you. A small groan leaves your lips.

“You want me baby?” He coos while brushing his soaked member across your drenched folds.

“Yes, please. Need your cock.”

His hand grips your waist while the other eases himself in you. The bulbous tip stretching your lips, causing you to whine. Your wet coats his cock as a lubricant as he pushes in further, making it easy to slip in all the way.

He uses his remaining hand to place on your waist and he completely bottoms you out.

“Fuck, Jinnie!”

“I love you, baby.” He pulls out of you completely and rams back all the way in, balls deep inside your pussy, making you buck forward and your mouth to fly open with a gasp.

“I love you too... Oh my gosh, so deep.”

Your arms reaches around to push him back, attempting to ease his pace, but he slams harder into you. You claw his thigh with your nails, in response. The pain of him pounding himself deep inside you, hitting your cervix combined with the pleasure of your walls being stimulated leaves you in a state of reverie.

“Mmm, I love your pussy and how tight you are around me. Wanna make you cum all over my cock, babe. Can you do that for me?”

“Y-yes! I can, baby.”

Jin picks up the pace, literally hammering into you. The sound of his balls slapping against your ass, mixed with your moans, ricochet off of the walls. He licks the pad of his fingers and reaches down to rub your clit in circles. Applying just the right amount of pleasure.

Your spirit continues to watch, remembering that prom night was not only the last time you’d saw your boyfriend but it was also the last time you both had sex with each other. You miss the way he felt inside of you. He filled every bit of you and never failed to please you in the most sensual way. He always made sure you orgasmed before him.

“Oh, Jinnie... I’m cumming, baby!”

“Yeah? Cum all over my cock, babe. There you go...” Your walls pulse rapidly around his length and your body trembles below him. The constant contractions of your kitty around Jin causes him to twitch inside of you.

“Oh, babe! Fuck..” His cock shoots streams of his warm jizz, coating your inner walls white. He holds himself inside, making sure to bury his seed deep within your core. Your legs still shaking, he holds you to support you up from your orgasm still washing over you as thick ropes of his cum oozes out of your pulsing core. He bends over to whisper.

“Do you believe me now?”

Funny that he asked me that in the moment. Because I actually believed him. I really loved him. And I thought he loved me too. So, why would he do this to me? He continued acting like nothing ever happened. He lied to me. He never went to get punch. Would he even care that I died? What am I supposed to feel like now?

That familiar feeling of rage returns again, and you storm out of the lockers room. This time, you decide to find your way to Taehyung. Maybe you can get an answer as to why he was staring at you.

You find him sitting in his stationwagon, in the parking lot of the school, frozen. A million questions run through his mind. He’s lost, and he knows he’s doomed for good. Gently floating inside, you sit in the passengers seat. His hands are nervously rubbing his thighs up and down.  As if, he were afraid of something. Then you’re shocked to hear him speak.

“I have to kill her... but when? And how? What if I try and things don’t work out just like tonight. What will happen then? Was this a sign?”

His fingers trail through his mullet, and he keeps looking back.

“Fuck! I don’t know what to do. Don’t know what to do.”

He was talking about me? Wasn’t he?

“She’ll never accept me for who I am. I just want her. Want her so bad. Why can’t I just have her, God? Why?!”

Was he into me this whole time? Is that why he killed me? Because he somehow thought we could be together?

As time went on, you still roamed the Earth as a spirit. The sketch of The Silent Creeper had been released, and it wasn’t long until everyone figured out it was none other than Taehyung Kim. The town constantly tortured him. Kids threw eggs at his home windows, others threw rocks at his car, and some teenagers spray painted on his garage door:

MURDERER LIVES HERE

But you were there for him through it all. The night he’d found out that you were here all along, startled him. Even though it was part of his plan. There was a sense of pride that filled him, knowing that it had worked. But as the days came and went for some reason, you felt drawn to him. You thought at first maybe it was because of pity, but it was something that pulled you in closer. That made you more vulnerable. Maybe it was the sex? As the weeks went by, you both continued having sex with each other. You never thought it was even possible to have sex as a ghost, but here you are yet again.

“Oh fuck, baby.. yes! Just like that, Y/N. Don’t stop.” Taehyung moans as you continue to ride his cock. From his point of view, it literally looks like he’s fucking air. But his eyes are closed, as all he can imagine is your tits bouncing up and down, your head falling back with lips parted, relishing in the way his cock feels filling up your walls. He feels the warm, wet of your arousal clenching tight around him. He uses the palm of his hand to grip your hips, helping to guide you up and down on his cock.

He feels your walls suddenly escaping from him, and he frowns. Looking down at his throbbing, stiff member. Then a warm slick feeling encases his cock, and traces of saliva are visible. He throws his head back after realizing you’re sucking him off. His fingers reach out into the air, wanting to find where your hair is so that he can feel you. A small smirk appears on his face when his fingers are finally entangled in your mane.

It’s smooth, silky, and feels like Heaven between his fingers. He tightens his grip, pushing your head further down onto his cock. He watches as his member leaks of pre-cum, mixed with your arousal and saliva. The mixture streaming all the way down to his balls. He’s on the verge of cumming any moment now. He feels the texture of your tongue along the underside of his shaft, moving down to his testicles. Your nails gently grazing across his thighs, leaving behind a small trace of scratches.

His breathing hitches, as he feels himself near his orgasm. You hold his cock in your throat, swallowing him whole and you take this chance to hum. Your vocal cords vibrating around his cock. The sensation deep within the pit of his groin bursts. His eyebrows furrowing together at how intense his orgasm feels.

“Fuck, Y/N.”

The muscles of his pelvic area tenses up, his cum shooting into streams down your throat. He watches as it disappears into thin air. He knows you’ve swallowed his seed. He sighs of relief, completely satiated of his hungry desire for you. That is, for now. Chills run through him as he feels your lips pressing against his. His eyes naturally closing.

What feels like your hands gripping his arms, caressing his sides, makes him melt within your touch. He reaches his hand up, caressing what feels like your cheek. He doesn't want to stop kissing you. He’s waited for what felt like an eternity for this. In an instant, you pull away. Watching him as his eyes slowly open.

How have I come to fall in love with a murderer?

Taehyung’s confession on prom night had continued playing itself over in your thoughts. Leading up to now, you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him ever since. After thinking of the first time when you visited him, and he saw the door open when no one was physically there, you contemplated visiting him again. It was the first time you both had sex, ever. Well more specifically with you as a ghost.

Just as before, he was in his room masturbating. This time he was fully naked and his door was opened wide. He was a lot more lanky than you thought, with a faintly visible six pack. His hand slithered up and down his shaft, and small moans escaped from him. You actually loved the sight of him getting off. It’s pretty hot.

You had taken the chance to show him you’re here, just as he always wanted. It was that day you learned Taehyung isn’t able to exactly see you, but he can feel you. As if you are actually there, in the spirit. Either way, the sex was like no other. He even told you that he was ready to die, just so that he could actually be with you. Not only to feel you, but to see you. Touch you physically. You being there as a ghost was like a hallucination for him, and he knew eventually he would grow tired of not being able to see your face as you writhe underneath him.

Your parents immediately moved out of state after finding out who The Silent Creeper really is. They were completely stunned. Before moving, your dad quit his job. On the contrary, your mother couldn't move on. After all, she was the one that found your body mutilated in your bedroom. It became so horrifying for her that her doctor ordered her off to a licensed therapist.

Things were bad. Really bad. Seokjin appeared at your funeral. After it was over, you followed him home. He was so full of rage that he completely tore down his entire room. Ripping off the wallpaper that once decorated his walls,  cracking his vinyls in half that he had tucked away under his bed, until he came to a specific one. It was for “Careless Whisper” by George Michael.

He pops the vinyl into the record player, and sets himself on his bed as the songs begins.

“Should've known better than to cheat a friend And waste the chance that I'd been given So I'm never gonna dance again The way I danced with you”

Tears stream down his cheeks, and he covers his face. His sobs can be heard throughout the room. You observe as his back rises up and down from his heavy crying. You wish that you could kiss him and slap him at the same time. You wish he never cheated on you, and you wish you never died. Maybe it would hurt less not knowing he did such a thing.

After sex with Taehyung, you decide to visit your home again, wanting to bathe in the memories there. But something has caught your attention. Just as you floated outside, four police cars were parked in the street in front of Taehyung’s home. They were all armed with their guns, aiming at the front door.

One officer had a megaphone, calling Taehyung out of his home.

“On the count of three, we ask that you please come out with your hands up in the air! Should you try to harm anyone, we will have no other choice but to open fire.”

You watch as Taehyung cracks the door open slowly and exits with his hands in the air. Then, he stops, quickly reaching into his jacket pocket, pulling out his bowie knife. You’re shocked at the action, but he had been at the end of his ropes with everything. And just like that, the officers open fire.

Piercing his body with bullets, and one going straight though his forehead. His body grows limp, falling into his knees and the weapon drops to the ground. Taehyung falls face forward onto his lawn.

The environment shifts again, and you’re blinded by the color white. Holding your hands up to cover your eyes, trying to escape the brightness that causes your eyes to shut closed. Then the sudden sound of a deep voice captures your attention.

“Do you wish to repent your sins before me?”

Looking down, you carefully open your eyes and notice that you’re able to see yourself, your hands, skin, feet, toes, everything. Standing above you is the Almighty, a bright source of light that is still difficult for your eyes to adjust to.

I must have been sent to my judgment.

You hear numerous cries below you, noticing the Underworld below the clouds under your feet. Lightning flashes as several fallen angels snatch souls away, sweeping them into oblivion. You’re instantly distracted by another deep, baritone voice ahead of you. Not like the previous voice you’d heard. It was a voice you found to be familiar.

“Are you calling me a sinner?”

You can barely make out the figure, but realize that the being is suddenly caught by one of the Fallen that sprung into the air down below, flying away. You hear a faint call of your name in the distance. You look down below you and spy a familiar face. It was Taehyung. 

“Y/N!” His hand reaching out toward you. A tear falls from your face watching him being pulled away from you.

The first voice you heard speaks again, directing His question to you this time.

“Do you wish to repent your sins before me?”

You turn your gaze toward the Almighty towering above you. Your eyes closed shut yet again from the light. You shake your head and slip with a slight confidence in your tone:

“No.”

a/n: aaaand that’s all everyone! can you guess what happened to Y/N after not repenting her sins? let me know in the comments! I’ve had this idea in mind for soooo long now & wanted to release it on Halloween but I’m a thousand days late pls forgive me. also pls forgive me if this is horribly edited ok it’s like 1 AM, oh & I’m wondering if I should write a sequel to this (promise it will be much more smutty smut & focus more on Y/N’s perspective) let me know in the comments if you’d like to read more! anyways, I hope you all had a fun and safe Halloween!

much love, 💜

[souvercines]

took me ages to wrap this up between a low battery and trying not to ramble TOO much, but part two, here we go glfkdsj

✰ ––– ni ni. cis female. she/her // you don’t know ? that’s RENÉE WU ! they’re a THIRTY-FOUR year old real estate executive from LONDON, ENGLAND. as part of manhattan’s elite, the wayfarer is known to be DILIGENT & AUDACIOUS. most people recognize them by bold power suits, waking up refreshed beneath silk sheets, tipping generously, heels clacking against hardwood, three passport photos. ( kat, 22, nt, she/her )

born wu xiurong to a hong kong born, uk raised father and a chinese national mother, renée was similarly set for success as caro, but with way WAY less cracked antics and without caro’s ( self-perceived ) limitless privilege

( and for the record, renée herself went from being a dual citizen to a uk citizen bc china is funny like that.. though citizenship laws are weird so she might be considered dual since she’s been in america for a good bit ?? god help me DFLGJSK )

papa wu and his siblings are at the helm of a hong kong-based real estate development firm that has since flourished into a sotheby’s/christie’s-like group, but her geographical background is a tad more complex than that.. as if it wasn’t clear enough a second ago but let me explain sijfg

she and her older brother were born and raised in the uk; so while papa wu and his family were busy building up their company with many trips abroad, renée, her brother and her mom hung back in london for the most part — though some of her summers were spent in hong kong, with family in mainland china or along the beaches of the mediterranean when she wasn’t embracing the countryside of her home country during term breaks

however, at age 12, she and the family moved to edinburgh so she could attend a more prestigious private school — and so they could be a bit closer to her brother who was spending time at the renowned st. andrew’s university

speaking of her brother, they have quite the age gap, so while they do love each other and all that, they aren’t necessarily close. he was always primed to be something of an heir and he was more than cool with that, while renée was more keen on taking her time to figure out what she wanted to do with her life.... though the answer was laid out in front of her regardless and she would ultimately join her brother in her later years

she loved seeing the blueprints and little online models of projects the company was included in, the construction of a high-rise apartment building and the potential layout/design of it. it piqued her interest that her father’s start as a real estate agent brought him to this point, and it made her want to work hard as well, especially within the family business

as not to neglect mama wu, she was something of a socialite; having come from a somewhat wealthy family herself, her and her husband couldn’t be more different in terms of self-discipline and aspirations. however, she put her energy into more charitable and community-focused avenues as her children grew older, in which they were sometimes involved in upcoming events and activities

in renée’s eyes, they were a dream team in their own way when they would reunite, and the lessons that came with their individual and mutual grinds sort of paved the way for her

unlike her brother, she wound up attending london school of economics and majored in finance and staying on for her masters in real estate economics

she later began to work her way up the family business, first as an agent in the uk and at present, as an executive with plenty of investment in bigger projects and smaller listings with some of her past clients

her job has taken her to different cities for weeks or months at a time, but at the age of twenty-eight, she dubbed nyc home as the company expanded into east coast america, having lived in the city ever since !

personality and extras

she is.. quite a mess i guess ?? in terms of traits, i mean

she’s definitely independent and driven, the right amount of courteous in professional and kind of elite settings, not afraid to make tough decisions and take risks

like she’s lighthearted with coworkers and such, but she will sometimes reprimand someone a little bit harsher than necessary when stressed about x thing for instance

but aspects of this are a mask that slips off quick and are replaced by something of a jubilant free spirit, someone who enjoys herself with anything from a night in with a good book and some light piano arrangements playing in the background, to going to her fave restaurant with a few pals for a drink every couple of weeks and possibly going to a club or bar if she’s in the mood

passionate beyond her career, is the complete opposite of caro when it comes to her love life; she’s loyal and when she’s committed, she’ll put a great deal of effort into the relationship

she’s definitely sentimental, loves her family and will cherish the hell out of you as a friend once you’ve solidified yourself in her life

a world-class traveller, which kinda went without saying from her label lbr KFLSDJG

she just. loves to explore ! sometimes acts without thinking to make the most of a given journey, was totally the type to cliffdive with pals in greece or parasail in the caribbean

and she still is, but she’s toned it down a bit for the sake of ensuring she doesn’t look wrecked whenever she returns to work JDFKSLGJD

a major city dweller with an affinity for nature and rural destinations ! her apartment is probably riddled with fresh flowers or a diffuser that reminds her of the sea/rainfall, while most of her travels that aren't related to work or seeing family takes her to the countryside, the forest or a waterfront cottage

renée tends to be pretty active as well and those rather secluded, decongested places enable her to make the most of it versus going to a gym or out on the street with a hoard of tourists and citizens at every turn

besides, swimming in a lake or hiking a trail to sightsee is more of her speed than a ton of strength training and being on an elliptical sfgkdljfsdl

has a little tricoloured furbaby cat named lulu who she Adores, has a nice little bed and all for her too

i... drk what else but she’s a solid pal, a focused businesswoman and basically a lot of things that caro is not, which is a relief tbh GDSFLK

some wcs/plot ideas

i’m sure she’s living in some nice, modern apartment building.. at least on the inside, bc something tells me she’d go for a building made of brick with charm lkdsfjgkl, but nonetheless, having a couple of neighbours around would be great ! they could be good pals or just elevator buds/neighbours who communicate solely through the wall or something, idk

anyone from the uk that wants to be her longtime pal ?? or who went to school in the uk ? literally just give her a super close friend who she’d take on those nights out or have a nice little dinner at her/their place !

someone who looks after lulu while she’s abroad, not really a stand-alone connection but it’s uh.. a big deal for her so DSGKLJ

an ex-fiancé(e), likely one of those instances of being TOO similar but not in a couple of key areas, to be quite honest.. or something completely different SDFGJLKS i redacted a whole blurb that 1am!me came up with that was just too much, but they probably would’ve been together for 3 or 4 years before calling it off. i’d imagine she still loves them/cares deeply for them, but she probably wouldn’t rekindle the relationship anytime soon ( .. or at all, idk man dgsflkj )

someone she’s been sleeping with for a bit while she gets her mojo back ?? nothing serious, the girl just doesn’t wanna date right yet, but also doesn’t wanna fuck with a bunch of randoms kgfsdjklgd

give her any kind of pals, i’m blanking rn but someone she’s met on her travels is kind of an easy one i conjured up

she’s bound to not get along with some people, so consider this an opening for some frenemies/people she knows in passing but can’t get beyond small talk and such with each other

[stevesharrlngtons]

“No I’m killing boys” with robin please ☺️

no i’m killing boys

ok listen, im not sure if i like this or if it’s good (it feels really rushed :/) but i wanted to try something new! if it’s shit, it’s shit. but idk. might delete. this is just me back pedaling in case it is really really awful!

feedback is greatly appreciated tho!

Hunched over her desk with tired eyes, Robin continued to review the files in front of her. The text was beginning to sway and spot on the page, and she knew she needed to call it a night sooner or later, or she’d end up sleeping at her desk again. The following day’s crick in her neck and worn wrinkled blouse always put her off her rhythm. She desperately tried to not make it a habit, but it always seemed to happen. Especially when it came to this case.

They had no leads. No suspects. No motive. Just sporadic killings and an increasing number of dead bodies piling up.

It had been close to a year of this killer’s reign of terror. Sometimes three murders would happen in the span of a week, sometimes there was no victim of months. The perp was either extremely cunning or clinically insane. The only consistencies in all the cases were that the victims were all men ranging from early twenties to late sixties, it seemed no was was kept off this perp’s list. And that they all had a small circular puncture wound on the right side of their throat. The lab had yet to figure out what made the hole, and the detectives had yet to find out the significance.

When Robin’s eyes became sandy and burned with fatigue, she finally conceded her research for the night and decided to turn in. She gathered her things sluggishly and headed for the subway station.

Her mind was still reeling as she stood on the platform, doing her best to connect the any dots in her mind. To think of who the unsub could be, what job could they have, what past were they hiding, were there any clues she missed? She’d have to go over the facts with Henderson tomorrow, he always had a knack for those seeing eye posters.

The train came barreling in and pulled Robin from her theories. She boarded the thinly occupied car and took a seat by the doors, wanting to exit as soon as possible when she arrived at her stop. She rested her head on her shoulder and hoped the rushing movement of the train would lull her to some relaxation. Right as the doors were about to close, a person skid into the car and quickly took a seat across from her, breathing heavily.

Robin, ever the detective, glanced over at the car’s new occupant as discreetly as possible to size them up for any danger. Skilled law enforcement officer or not, she was still a woman on the subway at night.

She was pleasantly surprised to find a particularly attractive woman was the addition to her ride. From the looks of it, she was likely leaving (or going to) a fancy gathering. She wore a thick trench coat over a thin, tight white dress and tights. Her (Y/H/C) locks were swept up in an elegant updo, pieces having fallen around her face from her brisk jog onto the train, and the fierce New York wind no doubt.

Robin subtly admired the woman the woman for the remainder of the ride, doing her best not to stare too long. But it was hard, she was enthralling to look at. She continued to steal glances at the woman until the train stopped and she rose from her seat. She dusted off her jacket and headed toward the exit and Robin as well.

Robin did her best to ignore the fluttering in her chest as the woman neared, and felt her breathing stop as she briefly paused before Robin.

“I think you’re cute too.” She said in a melodic voice, one that made Robin melt, and sent her a wink before exiting the train.

A fucking wink!

And then she was gone.

Robin was glad she was finally alone on the subway as she blushed something fierce and grinned like a teenager.

Robin continued to run into her subway crush.

Each time late in the evening. Each time with the woman in a new persona. One day she was dressed like an Upper East Side wife, the next a rocker chick, the day after that like a french painter, but every time wearing a lovely pair of heels that made her legs look like they went on for miles.

Each time their eyes would meet across the narrow aisle, sending flirty smiles, heated gazes and light conversation. About the weather, the subway, New York neighborhoods and the best place for a late night bite.

Robin began to eagerly look forward to night where she would meet her. Where she could feel the juvenile exuberance of harmless flirting and being in her presence. Robin no longer dreaded late nights at the precinct or taking on extra case loads, because that meant she had a better chance of running into her. Every time they met, Robin considered asking for her number, or to follow her to a pizza place by her apartment for a snack, but always chickened out.

She knew she needed to soon though, she was testing the fates everytime she didn’t. Because one day Robin knew she’d board the train home and the woman would be gone.

Late one evening, as Robin drank gritty cold coffee and poured over a new case file, her phone rang.    

“Buckley,” She answered gruffly, holding the receiver between her cheek and shoulder.

“It’s Henderson. You need to get down to Chelsea, there was another murder.”

Dustin didn’t need to specify any more than that. Robin knew, this was one of theirs, another photo to add to the growing pile in a filing cabinet.

She got the address from her partner and left the station in a hurry. When she arrived, there was yellow tape sectioning of the sidewalk and officers mulling all around. Civilians were trying to peak over the barricades to get a peek at the newest victim, but were mostly thwarted. Robin pushed right by them with no sympathy and marched toward Dustin, who was talking to another detective. Two paramedics were beside them, zipping up a large black body bag. Robin felt her stomach churn as she caught a glimpse of the corpse’s mangled appearance.

“Any leads?” Robin broke up Dustin and Steve’s conversation.

“Nothing out of the ordinary for their MO so far,” Dustin said, dejectedly, “We won’t know more until the autopsy is finished.”

“But they killed out in the open this time, maybe they're getting sloppy.” Steve offered.

Robin only sighed deeply in reply and left the two men to go speak with the crime scene photographers and paramedics. They told her much of the same. No evidence so far, the murder was done in the open, but with no witnesses, the victim was a 34 year old man with a small circular puncture in his neck.    

Robin felt more angry and hopeless with every person she talked to at the scene, and she could tell morale falling amongst her colleagues too. It seemed with every murder, they got father away from any resolution.

Leaving to take a minute to herself, Robin stood a few meters from the others, looking at the big picture. Hoping and praying it would help her see things in a different light. When she was a child and lost a toy on the floor, she’d stand up to get a better viewpoint, to see all the angles, nooks, crannies and obstructions. She always found the toy in the end, and she knew now that if she looked hard enough, she could do it again.

“Lotta people turned out.” Someone hummed over her shoulder, breaking her concentration.

Robin glanced to see who it was, and did a double take. Because there, standing in a large winter jacket and eclectic make up was her, the subway woman. Red and blue light illuminating her (Y/S/C) skin and graceful features.

“Wh-what?”

“Lotta people turned out to take a look at that guy.”

“Well, it was gruesome. People are fascinated by the morbid, I’ve found.” Robin spoke candidly, still in shock that she was here, and oh so close.

“What about you, detective? Are you fascinated by the morbid?” She proposed with a slight pull of her lips.

“I would say I’m fascinated with why people do morbid things.”

“I stopped wondering that a long time ago.” You sighed.

Robin was too lost in her (Y/E/C) eyes to get another word out. All she kept thinking was about how beautiful she was, how close, how good she smelled, and how this was her chance! It was fate that you’d meet her of all places!

A crime scene…

And then Robin’s analytical, paranoid brain overpowered her lovesick one.

She readjusted her look at the woman next to her, taking off her rose colored glasses and actually seeing the person who she had a knack for running into.

She was gazing toward the ambulance, a satisfied smile on her face, an ease to her expression. Her body was calm and her hands were stuffed in her jacket pockets. Robin continued her inspection down her body, her toned legs and too her feet, which were stuffed in her signature pair of expensive black heels.

Black stilettos with the unmistakable dot of coppery red.  

And it clicked. This wasn’t a coincidence, this wasn’t fate. This was a clinically insane and likely cunning person who had been terrorizing New York City. The constant changing appearances, the woman’s fascination with her, the reason she was always out late (matching the timeline of when bodies would appear) her fucking being here now! All this time her partners had theorized that the hole in the men’s necks was some sort of pen or hole punch, but Robin was never convinced. And she was right, it wasn’t a pen or hole punch, it was a fucking heel.

Robin snapped her head up and felt her breathing pause when she saw the woman was already looking at her.

“Is it…?”

She just stood there, an easy smile on her lips and shrugged.

Robin cursed, and grabbed her arm tightly and dragged her toward a nearby ally. She pushed the woman roughly against the wall and all she did was giggle.

“Didn’t know you liked it rough, Detective Buckley.” She teased.

Robin’s jaw clenched. She wasn’t wearing a name tag and she knew for a fact she hadn’t told her her name.

“Start talking, now!” Robin snarled.

The woman’s eyes widened slightly, and she pressed her thighs together for a moment.

“About what exactly?” She grinned, reaching out to play with the lapels of Robin’s coat.

Robin smacked her hands away, “Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fucking people you’ve be murdering!”

“I’m not killing people, I’m killing boys.” She said very matter a fact.

“Same difference.”

“Not really. Men beat us, they use us, abuse us, take advantage of us, kill us. And that happens? Nothing. Nothing of what they deserve anyway.”

“You’re crazy.” Robin took a step back, shaking her head.

“About you, maybe.”

“Excuse me?”

“Our little rendezvous. They weren’t just for me to learn more about you and this case. I saw you in the paper after a drug bust you orcashracted, and I was instantly attracted to you. This was never a one sided thing, y’know.”

“Well it is now!” Robin said in a harsh whisper.

“It doesn’t have to be,” The woman pushed off the wall and closed the distance between them.

“I can’t be involved with a killer!” Robin’s body language disproved her words as she let the woman come closer.

“No one will know. Because you guys will never catch me. Accept that, it’s ok. I’m better at this than you could ever prove. So, why don’t we just pick up where we left off? Flirting on the G train at midnight... and maybe we could take it a bit further?”

Robin did her best to not let the woman affect her, but her smooth hands and intoxicating perfume we’re waning on her resistance.

“We will catch you, we have, I have. I’ll arrest you right now.”

“No you won’t.”

“Then I’ll tell someone.”

“Wrong again,” She moved to grip Robin’s wrists and place them on her hips, “Because you have no evidence. No one saw me talk to you, no one saw me here. I have no motive, no connection, no weapons. And no one even knows about me right? I pegged you for the secretive type.”

Robin felt her blood boil with fury and her skin heat with arousal.

“I have your shoe. We’ll run the blood on it and match it to the victim.” Robin said through labored breaths.

You hummed out a pouty moan, “You really think I don’t already have a lie ready for that? An alibi or two on top of that?”

Robin didn’t reply.

“So why make this harder for both of us? Let’s just have some fun.” Her lips brushed against Robin’s, who sincerely thought she might have a heart attack if this woman pressed another kiss to her mouth.

“What’s the crime in having some fun?”

She wanted to answer, to tell her to go to hell, to arrest her, to crash her lips to hers and take her in the dirty alley.

But before Robin could decide, someone called her name.

“Buckley? Where’d you run off too?”

She felt the woman pull away and all she wanted was to grab her again.

“Just a minute!” She shouted back to whoever needed her.

“Listen, just tell me-” But she cut her off with a mind numbing kiss.

One that you write about in books and think of at night when you can’t sleep, the kind of kiss that you compare to every other kiss you’ve ever had. Robin felt the woman’s hands ghost over her cheeks, and then her touch was gone.

“Buckley, the hell you doin’?” Harrington asked.

Robin slowly opened her eyes, only to see she had disappeared down the alleyway and out of sight and suspicion.

“Uh, I was just taking a moment.” She cleared her throat and did her best to regain her composure before she turned to face her colleague.

When she did, Steve chuckled, “A moment to put lipstick on at a crime scene? Hopin’ to pick up one of the murder groupies who hang around at the tape?”

Robin swiped a finger over her lips and there she was, leaving your calling card and her affection in bright red. Her skin erupted in goosebumps.

“At least  I can pick up women, Harrington.” Robin tried to play off the moment as casually as possible.

“Piss off.”

“You first, now go to your job.”

Steve grumbled and walked back toward the crime scene, Robin on his tail as she rubbed the transferred lipstick smudge between her fingers and shamefully wondered if she’d find her again.

[purplesurveys]

772

What was the last thing you threw at someone? A piece of meat for my dog to run for. Well, walk and sniff around for. He’s an old guy and doesn’t run anymore unless we’re taking him out for a walk. Do you follow recipes? I always certainly have to, since I don’t have any one dish memorized. I’ll start off with a collection of recipes for sure, but I’m hopeful that I’ll be at least a decent cook over the next few years. Where's the last place you had an itch? The area behind my knee.

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? It’s always important to have eye contact to show you’re paying attention so yeah. But I know it can get uncomfortable for most people at some point – and me – so I’ll give my eyes a break and look at their forehead, their nose, the space between their eyes, etc. When you look into someone's eyes, can you see their pain? Uh no, I don’t look that intensely lmao. And even then, I’ve learned over the years that most people are very good in hiding or playing off their true emotions that even if I try to find something off, I’ll likely turn up with nothing.

When was the last time you sneezed? Midnight today. How do you act under pressure? It will depend on how much there is to do and how much time there is left. I don’t have one permanent behavior for every time I feel pressured, which is pretty often. Who did you last say "I love you" to? My dog. Do you ever call people just to hear the sound of their voice? Yes, back when everything was normal I’d sometimes call my girlfriend just to drop by and say hi, and also because our schools are a little far apart and I’ll miss her in the middle of the day. School usually stresses her out so I do that as a pick-me-up for her. When was the last time you used a glue stick? January maybe? Our profs always ask us to submit index cards with our contact details and a 1x1 photo at the start of the semester, so there’s a good chance I asked to borrow glue from someone to paste my photo onto the card. What was the last startling noise you heard? Some dipshit on my Twitter feed decided it was good fun to share a jumpscare disguised as an innocent, cute video at 3 AM. I was mad about it then and I’m still mad as hell about it now lol. Do you ever look back at your yearbooks? I did this a lot as a kid. Idk why, I found it interesting to get to know the people in my school and read their write-ups I guess. I stopped looking back on them precisely because I did it too much when I was younger. Do you ever want to be prom queen/king? No. I did not give a shit about prom at all. I really would’ve happily skipped out on it but my school is a complete killjoy and made both attendance and bringing a date mandatory for everyone. No stags, can you believe it? It’s like when Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine Nine said “Have a good time, I specifically requested it” lol Are you tired? Tired of this quarantine, yes. But I took a nap not too long ago so I’m not feeling to sleepy in that sense. Have you ever ran from the police? I haven’t done anything for them to have to do run after me, so no. Are you afraid of clowns? Not really. I was never exposed to them much so I always just saw them as people in heavy makeup that do balloon animals and other funny tricks. Have you ever written on someone's face in your yearbook? HAHA yes. When my sister and I were kids we bickered a lot, and in one of our fights I thought it’d be funny to doodle on her kinder portrait. She didn’t think so and she started wailing - just in time, I heard my mom coming home and I had to think fast so my sister a) stopped crying and b) wouldn’t tell on me. So I did the stupidest thing and also doodled on my own prep portrait to make her feel better. She calmed down and my mom never found out. When was the last time you made dinner? I *helped* my dad make dinner a few months ago. I haven’t completed a meal myself. Do you have any special plans coming up? They’re gonna be mellowing down the lockdown rules in my province by the 15th and I’m really hoping to see Gabie soon. Realistically I doubt it would happen as I don’t think both our parents would agree to it, but it’s still nice to keep hoping. Did you just lose the game? Yep, but I really only found out about this game from Reddit a few months ago and I didn’t grow up having to play it, so I’m never all too pissed off or like emotionally invested in general whenever I lose it haha. What is a class at school you are interested in taking? There are global studies electives that I was unaware of until someone told me to take them after I enrolled for my last sem in collefge. There are courses on Turkish culture, global gastronomy, and they also had past courses on ‘Diversity on Perspectives on Peace and Conflict,’ ‘Cultures of Disasters,’ and ‘Cultures and their Global Entanglements.’ They all sound right up my alley and am disappointed no one told me sooner. Do you hold on to your dreams? Some of them, the ones I know I have a chance of attaining. Obviously I’ve had to let some go, like wanting to go to the moon or becoming a firefighter. Do you follow rules or break them? Follow. I don’t like getting into trouble. Is there someone you are dying to see? A lot of people. Who do you want to be buried next to? I’ve given this zero thoughts. Are you double-jointed? Nope. Did your dream last night involve blood? It didn’t. I’m not even sure what my dreams were anymore. Who was the last person to yell at you? My mom, probably. How do you feel about the new president? I wouldn’t call him new, he’s in the latter half of his term now. I hate him and I hope he dies soon. Do good things come to those who wait? Sure, it can happen. What is the last song you played on iTunes? I haven’t used that in a while. The last one I listened to on Spotify was Sudden Desire by Hayley Williams. Petals For Armor is still on loop, surprise. What is the last thing you looked up on youtube? I was showing my sister the hilarious Vine of Beyoncé where she thanks a talk show host who tells her “You are Beyoncé,” as if it was a compliment looooool, so I looked up “you are beyonce thank you.” When is the last time you went to the grocery store? March 9th. What is your favorite fish? Tuna or eel for raw fish, tilapia for cooked. What kind of calendar do you have? A digital one. Have you ever been two hours late for school? Oh hell no. I’ve been late before, but if it’s as dramatic as being an hour late I usually just cut class to save myself the embarassment of having to do the walk of shame entering the class. What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? I don’t have any stuffed animals. Who did you hang out with yesterday? My family, as has been the case since March. Has anyone stolen your heart yet? Yes. Have you ever won a gold medal? No. I’ve won first place before, but they didn’t issue out gold medals. Do you have any trophies? Also no. Do you work out? I don’t. When you introduce yourself, do you give hand shakes? Sometimes, but tbh I just picked it up from Gabie who’s a big hand-shaker. I preferably wouldn’t cause it seems so formal to me. Is there a limit to how many best friends you have? Yeah, like I wouldn’t want to have a lot; I like keeping my immediate circle small. I’m more than content with my two best friends. When's the last time you went to a dance? 2016. What grade are you in? Soooooooooo unbelievably close to graduating college. Are you in a band? I’m not and haven’t been. Have you ever been in a talent show? No thanks. Have you ever won a contest? Competitions, yes. Contests, no. How do you feel about germs? I’m quite particular about them. I don’t like sharing clothes with people; I pick which friends get to eat off of my spoon or sip from my straw; I’m super iffy about touching someone else’s keyboard; I really don’t like having to touch other people’s hair and with that is also the fact that I never borrow or lend hair ties. Holy shit so I’m more germaphobic than I thought and all I had to do was list these things down......................... Do you like screamo music? Not really. What does your wallet look like? Pink and a lot thinner now that I haven’t been given an allowance since they stopped school. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. At this point, I really wish I did lmao Would you rather have money or love? Money. I love love, but I won’t deny that I also love being able to afford the lifestyle I want to live haha. Do you have any family pictures hanging on the wall? Not on the wall, but we have several frames lined up on the first few steps of our stairs. Which do you prefer: bath or shower? Bath after a long hard day. Shower most days. Do you have a lamp in your room? I used to, but I removed it after realizing the light just keeps me from falling asleep faster.

Do you have windows vista? No. Do you have the strength to say goodbye forever? I’ll deal with it if I had no choice, but I’ve never handled goodbyes well.

[gayasianminimalist]

Dear Future Deanna,

You are about to go off to college, and afterwards starting your great big life. Therefore you may never see this message future Deanna. But I won’t lose hope because maybe you’ll have this with you without knowing it. Anyways, good luck in college, hope you make the most of it because you only get once chance in college. Make good choices, but at the same time take some risks or else you will forever regret not being bold. It’s okay if you make any mistakes because I’m sure you’ll learn from them and become better. And another thing future Deanna, live in the moment and don’t think too far ahead.

-Deanna Wong   June 1, 2015

Dear past Deanna,

Well 2 years later I managed to find this mini notebook and see what I wrote to myself awhile back. Past Deanna, I have certainly made some mistakes and done things I couldn’t imagine myself doing 2 years ago! I have met some of the most important people in my life these past couple years, especially this past school year. I hit the gym pretty often which is a very necessary thing in my life but I don’t exactly have access to a gym at the moment. I’ll make do this summer with @ home exercises and probably running in the mornings hopefully starting tomorrow. I  kind of hit a big wall at the end of my 1st year at UCSD, I failed 2 classes and passed with a B and I’m waiting to take the other class still. My gpa definitely tanked but now I have above a 3.0 again which is my goal gpa to maintain for the rest of my years here. I see my handwriting hasn’t changed too much so I’ve reached my max as far as writing legibility. I’m cleaning out my desk right now and there are definitely a lot of old Deanna history hidden in these drawings. Hmm so I’ve left my college journal at school, but I only wrote in it probably twice this whole school year. Way to keep record of what’s happening. So something that has definitely changed my life was starting my rave life. EDM really has had an impact on me and I decided to give ecstasy a go. It is quite the euphoria, but in great moderation. Gave me the happiest feeling in the world. I’m so glad my friends have been gracious enough to let me have this experience. So I’m not saying drugs are good, but they’re sure really fun. This past spring quarter I tried shrooms and that trip definitely gave me one of the weirdest days of my life. Everything just felt sort of off, but I saw everything a bit differently visually. And then more often than not I had those nights of being drunk, stoned, or crossed af. Like I knocked out pretty hard on some nights. Next year I definitely need some self control over these type of nights. IDK if my body can handle such tough treatment anymore. Anyways I joined a frat, and now I have 2 littles in my frat. They’re super cool but I need to find a way to connect all of us next year because they’re kinda polar opposites. I don’t wanna think about this too hard though so I’ll just continue on this much needed spheal. Also an update on my love life: non-existent. I’ve been single for a solid 20 years since I’ve been alive. Also I’m 20 what... how dis happen. Going off on a tangent, I think I have found that photos are very important to me. All the memories I have captured, I can’t even begin with how blessed I feel forever with such great memories. I would say my second year of college was definitely better than my first year. I wanna stop here past Deanna since I’ve given you the gist of my college thus far. Now to write to future Deanna again.

-Deanna Wong    July 12, 2017

Dear Future Deanna, 

So what past Deanna said, keep living in the moment, take lots of pictures, and make more new friends, but remember to keep your old ones. Maybe try dating someone before the end of college, or not but you need a person in your life I think, or maybe I’m wrong and it’s better that you’re independent all through college. Whatever happens, happens. Also keep living your healthy life, go gym, hike, eat right, and so on. And don’t feel so bad on not so good days, stress eating gets to everyone. Try to say no to people, you can’t be influenced all the time. Otherwise you’ll never learn to have things your way. You can be helpful to people too, but sometimes you should make sure you get your own shit together first. I think you have all the tools needed to succeed in the rest of college and life, so make your choices wisely.

-Deanna Wong   July 13, 2017

Dear past Deanna, 

I think I’ve gotten college life down, better than my first 2 years for sure. I still am making mistakes though, kind of had some bad incidents as far as my behavior record with UCSD, but on my way to fixing that. Nothing that’ll put me on hold for graduating, I just have to deal with business and this should all be over next quarter. Long story short I passed out at an on campus event and I have some consequences to deal with but it’s all on me, I have to fix things. On the bright side, everything in my academics are right again. Above a 3.0 and I am on track to graduate by next spring. It’s really hard to write into this tiny notebook. I’m writing very intensely I’m sweating a little. It’s also not the coolest temperature. Sacramento brings the heat. In terms of my social/party life, this past year of college, and within the last quarter, has exceeded my first 2 years. Well part of the reason has been because I turned 21 this year. Legal drinking is a whole new game. You would think I can control myself at this point, but I still can’t some nights. I’ve definitely opted out of drinking a lot more this year. Self-control is getting better. A lot of seniors I grew close to this year are graduated now. It makes me really sad but I need to learn to get through this year without them. They are all going on their own paths for the future, and I wish them all the best and to visit me next year! My love life got a little bit spicier this year, but nothing drastic happened where I need to announce it. Still no girlfriend and I really want to have one more and more. Still actively using dating apps. Well just more recently since its summer now and I don’t have much else to do. Just trying to recharge myself mentally. I think a lot of things that happened this year has given me a bit of a mental drain. I think i actually like attention but I may have gotten more than I need for a year. My 21st birthday is the most extra day I’ve had in my life. Everything was funny, everyone was dressed up, and there were a lot of gifts. The best thing was all my friends being there just to celebrate my friend Nat and I turning on year older. Like it shouldn’t be that huge of a deal, but it became a big deal just because we wanted it to be. This really should be more of advice for future me like the 2 past me’s, so I’m gonna do that instead of blabbing about my life. i’m supposed to do that somewhere else. Alright it’s there, peace past me.

-Deanna Wong   July 5, 2018

Dear Future Deanna,

Not sure what to say. Well if past Deanna has been able to accomplish all she has up to now, future Deanna can keep up this level of excelling life plus more. You’re literally about to enter the actual adult world after this year. You need to figure out your plan even if you don’t want to. You gotta make moves to get where you want. Such as staying home or moving out as soon as possible. Get a woman, it’s time to be more proactive about your love life because if you don’t make moves, no one’s gonna do it for you. Maybe tell people how you actually feel if you feel for them. Still have to take risks. I don’t think past Deanna has taken any REAL risks. Like a risk that makes you sweat and super anxious beforehand but could be very worth it. But you’ve always had a logical side, so maybe listen to it if it’ll make your life better in the long run. I’ll continue later but I have to eat first. You are your own grown ass adult now, speak up for what you want. You can’t let other people dictate your outcome of situations. Take control of you situation. Take control of your situation. Be a good friend. You’ve gotten better at it by leaps and bounds, but there’s always room for self-improvement. Be appreciative of how far you’ve come. Don’t beat yourself too much, you still tend to do this from time to time. Take your own advices? I don’t think you’ve had to apply this yet, but you could try giving yourself a few pointers. Keep yourself tidy. Clean your room more often when you’re at school. Things pile up, and a cleaner space tends to give you a clearer mind. Keep in touch with those you don’t see as often. You tend to spend all your time with one group of people instead of reaching out more. This is why you don’t see some people enough. Develop this skill now and it’ll translate in the future. I think I’ll keep it to this for now, you’ll gain more wisdom as you endeavor into your final months at UCSD. Stay lit, stay safe, and be you. :)

-Deanna Wong   7/30/18

This is just some back and forth between myself that I had for the first 3 years of my college life. I’ll save my last year for another post. I feel like between each year I had some improvements, but a lot of the stupid stuff I did more or less are from all my non-sober nights in college. It’s kind of the same thing over and over but just with different people and different circumstances. Looking back at everything now, I’ve really become a lot more of a stable person. I don’t regret a single moment of undergrad. Although I find it really strange I felt like I needed to have a girlfriend at some point. I honestly with so occupied with my own life that I really did not need to add someone else to the equation. And even now I’m still kind of ok with my independence, maybe a bit too ok with my independence. I think honestly the right person will just come at the right time. I really think I need to give the meeting someone in the real world a shot. Well not now since California is in a lockdown but after this pans over I’ll try to go out there and find the love of my life. 

Stay safe out there y’all and don’t go spreading too many germs. I’m out gonna be raving in my house haha.

[thewayofthetrashcompactor]

For Day 6 of @reylo-au week! I went with Harry Potter.

Prompt for this was: "Ben and Rey sharing their taste in music, and like idk that could be a date or the first time they meet."

It expanded a bit from the original prompt, but today Ben gets to hear Rey's taste in music, and tomorrow she hears his! First comes the angst, then tomorrow comes the fluff on Day 7 for free day.

[Day 1 - Modern | Day 2 - Historical | Day 3 - Canon Divergent | Day 4 - Fantasy | Day 5 - Cyberpunk | Day 6 - Crossover | Day 7 - Free Day]

also on ao3

Words: 2718 Rating: T

(A/N: Yes, jizz is a real type of music in the Star Wars universe. (Poor Rey))

Rey taps her foot as she waits, bobbing her head to the music. The DJ in the club keeps a good energy going, and she feels the beat of the latest song in her veins, keeping pace with the pounding of her heart. She doesn’t know much about music, but the song is loud with an edge of anger, in a way she could let herself get lost in if she wasn’t already busy. She has to keep herself from checking the wand tucked into the waistband of her low-riding jeans. She’s supposed to be undercover, in a place where no blood-conscious wizard would be caught dead.

She glances around the dark room where multicolored lights flash over the crowds of bodies, hordes of young people out to take what they can from the night. It isn’t a place where the remnants of the Death Eaters would be hanging out. The smells of alcohol and sweat have seeped into walls and sticky floors and the air of the room clings to her, humid and warm. Rey idly stirs the fruity drink dripping in her hand. She’d gotten one for appearances, wincing at the price, but doesn’t intend on drinking any of it. She leans against the small table shoved against the wall that she’d claimed for her own and scans the room again for her informant.

A man she’d noticed hunched over another table nearby keeps watching her, likely considering his chances if he approached her. He’s not bad looking, a little odd but tall and broad, with soft dark hair that falls over his face. She has a mission though, and it’s not to get laid. He wears a black leather jacket over his black shirt, conveniently matching his black pants, and she wonders how he's not dying of heat in the crowded space. She's grateful for the lightness of her low-cut top, even though it has to be long enough to cover the suspicious bulges of the gear she's packed away.

(continued under cut)

She tries to mentally convince the man to stay away. Unfortunately, her legilimency skills are still lacking. He drags himself up from his table, revealing he’s even taller than she’d thought, and strides lazily over to hers.

“You actually enjoy this garbage?” he says, gesturing vaguely at the DJ as he leans next to her, interrupting the way she’d been swaying to the beat.

Rey’s mouth falls open, the polite but firm insistence that she’s waiting for someone she’d prepared for him falling from her mind. “So what if I do?” she finally demands.

He looks at her from the corner of his eye, facing the writhing crowd filling the rest of the club with an expression of distaste. “Seriously?”

She crosses her arms. “Yes.” She’d just enjoyed it before, but now she’s ready to defend it to this asshole like it’s the best thing she’s ever heard.

He snorts. “So much for taste.”

“I’m sorry the club isn’t playing fucking Mozart for you,” she snaps.

He rolls his eyes. “I’m not asking for an orchestra. I just don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to listen to something that doesn’t consist entirely of bass and autotune.”

“Let me guess. You don’t listen to anything that wasn’t hand carved onto a rock by true artists who’ve never willingly touched anything electronic in their lives.” She wonders if kneeing him and walking away would call too much attention to her.

“Actually, I enjoy some good jizz,” he says, completely straight-faced.

Rey chokes. She can’t tell if that was the worst pick up line ever said or if he actually means it.

“The new stuff too, not just the classics,” he continues, apparently taking her reaction as disbelief.

“What --” she starts to ask, and then realizes she really doesn’t want to play into whatever punchline he’s set up. “That’s...nice,” she says instead.

He frowns at her. “I know most people think it’s old fashioned, but if you really experience jizz in person…”

“Look,” she interrupts, not wanting to hear where this is going. “I’m waiting for someone. So if you --”

His frown deepens. “I know, Rey.”

She goes completely rigid, hand planting itself over where her wand is hidden before she can stop herself. “How the fuck --?”

He digs into his dark jacket and pulls a silver coin out from a hidden pocket. Her eyes widen. “I’m waiting for someone too,” he says dryly.

She reaches into her pocket and takes out a matching coin. When they move the two together, the coins glow gently, confirming their authenticity. They both shove them away and regard each other.

“Kylo,” he says, introducing himself.

She knows. “How did you know it was me?” she asks.

His lips quirk. “It wasn’t hard to pick out a wizard in this crowd.”

She bristles at that. “Between the two of us, I don’t think I was the one who had trouble blending in.”

“Between the two of us, I’m the one who recognized you,” he says, shrugging.

She glares. “You still haven’t said how you figured that out.”

“It wasn’t so much that you’re a witch,” he says, straightening. “Just that you clearly aren’t here for the same reasons as everyone else. You’re too on edge, like you’re about to pounce. Even if you did make a good show of actually enjoying the headache they call music here.”

“I do enjoy it,” she says, scowling.

His eyes widen. “Really? This?”

“Yes!”

He shakes his head. “Next time we’re meeting in a jizz bar so you can see something real.”

“We’re not doing that,” she says decisively. “And you’re getting ahead of yourself. You haven’t given me anything to make this meeting worthwhile yet, let alone another one.”

“Right.” His face turns drawn and shadowed and he takes a step into her, closing most of the space between them. She nearly protests, but then he speaks in a low tone, just loud enough for her to hear over the music in their close quarters. “Snoke is building up to something big. He sees the defeat in Europe as an opportunity to expand, not a loss. He’s brought in two Death Eaters from the fight over there, and they’re angry and ready for revenge. He’s not going to stop.”

She leans back enough to be able to look up at him, something she’s not used to having to do. “How do we know that any of that is true, and it’s not just a scare tactic to put us on edge?” she hisses. “You’re one of them. How can we possibly trust you?”

His warm brown eyes meet hers intently, and something nudges at her, telling her she’s seen that look before. “What other choice do you have?” he asks, and Rey gasps as the familiarity clicks.

Leia had said those same words to her, when Rey had demanded to know why they were even considering trusting one of the enemy. That same tone, the intense eyes with their cast of sadness, the curves of his face -- there’s no denying it.

“It’s you,” she breathes.

He frowns. “I thought we established that.”

She shakes her head. “No, it’s you. You’re Leia’s son.” His face closes off completely at that, body angling ever so slightly away from her, and she knows she’s right.

Rumors of Leia’s son that she’d lost years before were whispered through the Resistance out of their leader’s hearing, though Rey wasn’t stupid enough to think that Leia didn’t know. Poe had shown her a photo once, when she’d gotten curious enough to ask, of him, his parents, and the general with her husband and son. Rey had found it unbearably sad at the time: Poe’s mother, Leia’s family, all lost to the First Order. But the resemblance between the happy couple she’d seen in the photo and their dark haired child to the brooding man in front of her is undeniable.

“Of course, she didn’t mention that little detail,” he says bitterly. His hand wraps around the edge of the table, gripping hard enough that the cheap plastic creaks.

Rey’s mind races. “How can you work for the Order? After everything they’ve done?”

“It wasn’t like that,” he says defensively, but it’s obvious the words aren’t convincing even to him.

“Wasn’t it?” she asks, crossing her arms again, ignoring how they brush against his chest with how close they still are.

“I don't need to justify myself to you,” he snarls, lashing out like a wounded animal.

“Fine.” She shoves away from the table, fully prepared to leave. She'd known the idea that one of Snoke's own trusted leaders would turn on him was too good to be true.

“Wait.” His hand clutches desperately at hers, hot and sweaty. One sharp look from her and he drops it, though he doesn't relent.

She stops, but doesn't relax. “I'm waiting.”

“It… made sense, at first,” he says, haltingly. She pauses, still ready to turn on her heel and leave, though something in the raw vulnerability of his expression convinces her to stay, at least to hear this.

“I believed in my grandfather's work, that we shouldn't have to hide, that all this secrecy only leads to destruction.” The words tumble out faster as he continues, and she wonders if he's ever said this to anyone before. “Magical and non magical share this planet, and we need to accept that, not bury it until it comes back to bite us all, again. Snoke made it sound like that's what he wanted too, made me feel valued, like I belonged.” He takes a deep breath, shuddering on the exhale. She shifts on her feet. It makes sense, she knows too well the kind of conflicts that have come from the Statute of Secrecy, and the kind of loneliness that makes a person ready to accept the first welcoming hand to come along.

“It was… easy. Too easy. Snoke leads the Order because he knows exactly what to say, exactly how to use the people around him. Everything we did, he explained how it was necessary, that it was for the good of everyone. It felt right.” He ends in a snarl, all anger turned inwards. The words come out like he's dragging them out of a morass deep inside of him, wiping them off and presenting them, still dripping, to her, in a desperate hope for her trust. His tone speaks to the bitter taste of them on his tongue. She swallows, acid burning the back of her throat.

“They killed your father,” she says. Anger and betrayal towards the only family she's known war with her sympathy.

His broad shoulders hunch inwards, like he can collapse into himself. His voice comes out in a whisper. “I know.”

Her chest rises and falls in quick, shallow pants as the tangle of emotion rises to choke her. “They killed your family and you let them brand you!”

His hand grasps his arm where she knows Snoke's mark is burned into his skin. His nails dig into his jacket. “I know,” he says again, louder, angrier. “I'm reminded every single day that this is a part of me.”

“You're not the only one,” she says viciously. “Can you even imagine what you've done to your mother?”

For the first time since they've met, she has the fleeting fear that he might hurt her. It passes in an instant, the rage twisting his features pressing in and collapsing into misery. “I'll answer for that to her,” he says quietly. “Not to you.” He draws himself together, though the cracks where she can push and break him apart again remain obvious. “I can't change what I've done or what the Order has done. I want no part of what they have planned, but I know it's too late for me. I'm only here to tell you what Snoke intends. If you don't believe me, he will succeed.”

She can feel the tension surrounding them as she balances on the paper-thin edge of the choice he's given her. She wishes she knew what waited on either side.

“Do you… regret it?” It's the one thing she needs to know.

He looks down at the table, as if the answer will rise up out of the mess of stains and spills. “So much,” he says finally, barely audible.

She nods. “Okay.” A deep breath, centering herself. “Tell me what you know.”

His head jerks up and he meets her eyes with the kind of shock that comes from a foregone assumption that he won't be believed. She steps closer to him so their voices won't carry and then reaches out to rest a hand on his hip in an awkward attempt to blend in with the couples around them. He jumps at the contact, eyes going wide. She meets his gaze steadily, even as her heart pounds so hard she can barely breathe.

“What's Snoke planning?” she asks quietly, head tilted up to his.

The words jolt him out of the bewildered trance he'd slipped into at her touch. He clears his throat and angles himself in towards the table, distancing his front from hers. “He’s building his forces,” he says, matching her tone. “I told you about the fugitives he brought in from the remains of the order over there. I think he wants to use them to start expanding, create a base he can call on when the time comes.”

Rey nods. This is about what they’ve expected from Snoke, though the addition of new blood could be a problem. He continues. “That’s not all he’s bringing over either. There are creatures, dangerous ones, that he’s had people fetch for him, some from overseas, big shipments coming into the port. The kind of things he doesn’t have to worry about giving directions to, he’ll just let them loose and take advantage of the fallout.”

Shipments coming in. A sense of foreboding pushes against Rey, and her instincts rarely fail her. “Is that what happened to Han at the docks? He got in the way of one of those?”

He closes his eyes briefly. “Yes,” he says, choked.

She lets out a slow breath. “What kind of creatures?”

He collects himself, chest rising and falling in measure breaths. “I’m not sure. Yet. I haven’t gotten a clear look. After...that, I got in a disagreement with the new general and Snoke’s been keeping me on the edges as punishment. But I’ll find out.”

“Okay,” she says, tapping her fingers on the table as she thinks. “We need to know what to prepare for.”

“I know.” He glances back at her, letting her see the determination in his features. “As soon as I can.”

Some instinct guides her to squeeze her hand over his hip before she lets go. “Thank you.” She wipes her sweaty palm on her jeans. “Anything else you can tell us?”

He shakes his head. “Not right now. Just that you need to be ready. Things are moving quickly.”

“We will,” she assures him.

He watches her carefully. “Will you meet me again?”

She can’t help but feel that he’s asking for more than a chance to pass on whatever intel he can gather. “Yes,” she agrees quickly. “Same place?”

“No.” He frowns. “Even if we think they won’t come here, we shouldn’t count on it. We need to keep moving. There’s another club two blocks over on 23rd, do you know it?”

She thinks. “Maybe. I’ll find it. How long do you need?”

“Not more than a week,” he says decisively.

“Next Friday?” she suggests.

He nods. “I’ll see you then.” He pauses, like he wants to say something else, but then nods again and turns away.

Rey watches as he disappears into the crowd, tracking his dark hair over the dancers until she can’t see it anymore. Impulsively, she grabs her now watery drink from the table and takes a gulp. She doesn’t know what it is about Kylo, but she’s left feeling like she’d missed something. She takes another sip, not even noticing the taste as her mind plays over every detail of their interaction. He’s left her with plenty to think about. And she’ll be seeing him again. Next week.

She finishes off her drink and heads to the bar for another.

(hope to have part two posted tomorrow!)

[deeperthanloveff]

Chapter 44

Chris

I pushed my key to walk in the door and it was no use because baby girl swung open the door jumping in my arms making me smile and laugh “hi papi.”

I pecked her lips all while kicking the door shut and latching it with one hand as I balanced holding her “wassup baby love?”

“I been here waiting on you to come back to me. I cooked your favorite and then we can pick up where we left off this morning” she said allowing her robe to slide off her shoulders.

I bit my lip taking in the cheetah print lace bra and thong she had on “ok, you tryna kill your man? You to happy.” She giggled and kissed me “no crazy, I’m just tryna make it feel like old times. You’d come home I’d feed you and ride you into the mattress. It was an arrangement but I was crushing on you so hard.”

I smirked “yeah I knew you wanted a nigga. I laid the pipe crazy from day one!” She smacked her teeth and jumped down from my waist making me laugh. She tried to stomp off but I immediately grabbed her wrapping my arms around her waist “I’m just kidding Melody, I wanted you from the minute I laid my eyes on your beautiful ass. And this accent you got turns me the fuck on.” She giggled “no don’t try to kiss up to me now! How’s Kae?”

I smirked “it’s ok I’ll be kissing all this ass in a minute anyway let me put some food energy in my body. She’s not doing well. She’s suicidal and I’m honestly scared. I didn’t want to leave her.”

“You so nasty papi, but wow. Do you want her to stay here?” I shrugged “I would never do that to you. I’ll just have her stay at Erin’s. I already called her and talked to her. She honestly just wants me around, but I can’t fall back into that cycle. She’s very much so still in love with me. The way she’s so antsy until I interject or touch her. She was always like that for years, but it’s heightened.” Robin knotted her brows “that sounds really clingy.”

I shrugged “no it is, but it never bothered me before I loved that then. I love affection, she’s just so scared I think she’s put me as the savior here.”

“Chris I feel bad for her I do, but I will beat her ass. Did she try anything?” I was amused inside but didn’t show it on my face. She was jealous, she’s always been jealous of Kae and how I treat her, she’s letting me see it and boy is it something. “What you mean? Did she try to fuck me? No, she’s literally on the brink of crazy. I think the last thing she wants is my dick.”

She huffed “that’s all I wanted.” I smirked “and you got it plenty of times. Is that the problem? You think because I cheated on her with you I’ll do it to you?”

“Does is sound so crazy out loud?” She asked tying her robe up. “No baby it doesn’t. You don’t trust us alone, and it’s not like you’re wrong in feeling that way. I can assure you on my kids I just held her. That’s all she wanted, so I did that for her. I told her I loved her and I refuse to lose her and have to raise our daughter alone. Nothing happened, I’ve cheated before yes, but I’ve never lied to anyone after and I won’t start now.” I said looking her in the eyes.

“I hate that you love her the way you do, she gets this side of you I want but can never have. It makes me feel like you’d rather her over me all the time” she said looking at her feet.

When she said that, I was finally able to see what about Kae bothered her so much. I also never let Robin see me unaffectionate toward her since we had our daughter so it was probably throwing her for a loop. I closed the space between us and picked her head up “baby you have to tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it. There’s nothing I won’t try to do for you. Stop comparing you and her to this right here. You never really pull me in for the soft stuff. Is that what you want? Me to be more gentle you can have that.”

I gently pushed her hair back and kissed her softly placing my hand on the small of her back. I pulled back and caressed her cheek bending to rest my forehead hers “I’m so in love with you. I want this and you forever.” She blushed a bright crimson red and hid her face in my neck making me chuckle “that’s what that feels like, damn. Now I see why you have her so hooked.”

I smacked my teeth “stop talking like it’s competition. It’s not, you want me to give you that soft affection well ask for it. I’m rough because that’s always been our thing. I can’t know you want the best of both worlds if you don’t talk to me. Communication remember?”

“I’m sorry, let me feed you. Then you can feed me that good shit” she said biting her lip at me. “You a damn nymph” I said making her laugh.

I was about grab her and she pushed me away suddenly running to the bathroom. I followed her with an urgency because I didn’t understand what was happening. Once I rounded the corner I could hear her bringing up everything she must’ve eaten during the day. “You ok?” I asked wetting a rag with some cold water for her. “Yeah, I’m fine I guess that left over shrimp I ate wasn’t the best idea.” I raised an eyebrow because she rarely gets sick, but said nothing of it “you sure you ok baby?” She nodded “yeah I promise, go eat I’m gonna clean up a bit and come join you. We have few more kid free hours and I want all of them.”

I chuckled “alright. I’ll fix you a small plate and pour you some ginger ale.” She smiled “thank you papi.”

I walked off leaving her there but in the back of my mind I felt like something was off. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I’d find out. If Robin is by any means being sneaky I'm done. I dished our food and thought about the possibility of her being pregnant, but that’s next to impossible because I fucked her last night and this morning. So I shrugged it off going with the first option of her just being sick.

Robin

I stared at the positive pregnancy test in my hands and I started crying. Chris was absolutely not the father and how was I supposed to throw this monkey wrench in there? Oh you know I let Odell fuck your pussy raw and I also let him cum inside me, so we’re having a Beckham baby! I grabbed my phone once it dinged back with a text from Odell.

Big O 💙🏈- Come over, I’m in LA. I want this baby and you Robin.

Me- O idk, I haven’t told Chris yet I’m scared.

Big O 💙🏈- Well I’m here for you baby girl, I love you

Me- I’ll call you later

I put my phone down and put my hand up covering my face. It’s been a few days and this is the 12th positive test I’ve taken so I know I’m not crazy. Just as I thought about what to tell Chris he snuck up on me on the bedroom floor. “Aye baby, what’s wrong? You feeling ok?”

I looked at him and he rushed to my side once he saw me crying. I wouldn’t let him touch me though. I could see frustration on his face. “Yo what’s good with you? You been acting funny all week man.” I sighed “Chris I’m pregnant.” He smiled and kissed me “why you so nervous? Have I ever not wanted one of my kids?”

“That’s problem Chris, this is not your baby it’s Odell’s.” I said watching him drop his smile and look at me like I was telling a joke. “Babe that isn’t funny, this is my kid right?” I sighed and shook my head “no Chris it isn’t.” He stood up and took a seat on the bed looking at his shoes. I knew he was pissed because he said not one word. I didn’t even bother to say anything to him either. He looked at me and I could see the anger, hurt, and disgust on his face. I couldn’t look him in the eye so I just looked away. “How far along?” He asked lowly.

“I’m guessing I’m anything from 10-12 weeks along. We had sex everyday the week of the baby shower for India.” He chuckled “you know I guess this is my get back huh?” I knitted my eyebrows “huh?” “You know I got Kae pregnant so this is my karma.” I smacked my teeth “are you serious right now?” He opened his mouth but the kids ran in putting a halt on this conversation “daddy!!!” Kyia ran up to her dad and he smiled kissing her cheeks “hi beautiful. How was school?”

“Ohhhh fun today we did 3 times tables. 3x1 is 3, 3x2 is 6, 3x3 is 9! Ohhhh and I made you a picture see, we dancing daddy!” She said handing him the photo. He smiled so big it melted my heart “aww baby girl you’re so smart and this picture is perfect I’m gonna hang this on my art wall. I love it.” Christian laughed and walked over dapping up on his dad with their secret handshake and hugged him “wassup pops!”

“Shit bicking” he said making us all laugh at him being silly. As much as we fought he never let our babies see us yelling at each other “y’all say hi to your mother. Y’all act like she invisible when I’m here be nice.” They ran over to me and jumped me and I laughed holding them tight “I love you mommy” Christian said. I was so emotional I started crying. Kyia wiped my eyes “mommy why you cry for?”

“Cause I love you guys so much. I missed you today too. I think I’m gonna lock you guys up.” They giggled “no mommy you get in trouble” Kyia said playing in my hair. I smiled “never you’re allllllll mine!” I started tickling them and they fell out laughing. “Alright knuckle heads it’s time for homework, get your books” Chris said to them as he stood up.

They whined “awwweeee mannn.” He fanned them “yeah aw man my butt, come on! I ain’t raising no slow babies.” They ran out the room and he got up to follow “Chris I-“ I began but he held his hand up. “Save it, I really don’t want to hear it. You let that nigga cum all up inside my shit and you carrying his seed. I don’t wanna hear that you’re sorry or anything like that. Just know it’s different now and this shit here is the straw that broke the camel’s back. You could’ve left me and my fiancé alone and I could’ve been expecting my son to be here in a few weeks. You knew you was straight fucking that nigga letting him believe y’all was together and you still stood in that room and broke up my relationship. This type of shit is exactly why I don’t want to be with you cause you fucking selfish as shit. I’m gonna go help my kids do their homework and then we’re going to see Silver today. I haven’t seen my daughter in a few days and I miss her. Shit I miss her mother too” he said making sure to burn me with the last comment. I didn’t even bother to argue back because he was right. Odell thought we were getting back together up until that baby shower. I also was fucking him through every inch of his house like I was trying for him to give me baby. If he left me this time I can’t say I blame him. I picked up my phone and called Odell “I’m on my way” I said into the receiver once he answered.

“You ok, why you sound like that?” He asked concerned. I sighed “just stay on the phone with me until I get there?”

“Yeah I can do that” he said as I grabbed my purse and headed downstairs to grab my keys. I walked into the kitchen and kissed my babies “have fun with daddy. I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

“Byeeeee mom” they said in unison. I listened to Odell calm me down as I drove to his house to talk. He was doing everything I needed Chris to be doing, and the reassurance he was doing made me feel good. It was crazy because I never had to beg him for things I wanted and needed he just did them. With this little life inside me everything was about to change. I was beginning to wonder if Chris and I could really stand the test of time with this. Could he watch another man father my child?

Chris

“Chris unhook your sister from her car seat” I told Christian as I pulled into the driveway of the home I shared with Kae not long ago. He did as I said and helped her out the car. I smiled watching as he held her hand to the front door. I knew when they got older he will be beating some ass behind his sister. I rang the doorbell and Kae answered looking very done up.

“Damn” I mumbled. She smiled “why didn’t you just use your key, I just got back. Erin took me for lunch and insisted I dress cute.”

“You look better than cute” I said watching as she hugged the kids. “Awe, I miss y’all so much. You gotta stay with me a weekend” she said kissing their cheeks. They hugged her so tight and it warmed me to see how much they seemed to make her genuinely feel happy. “Where’s my daughter?”

“First of all she’s watching tv, second can I get some loving or something?” She asked embracing me. I chuckled “yeah you can get some loving alright” I said smacking her ass as she walked away. She giggled and I followed “what’s up with you? What did she do now?” I laughed “we’ll talk in a few, let me just say hey to my princess.” I walked in the living room to see Silver sprawled out eating pretzels “hey princess” I said softly tugging her hair.

She turned around and leaped into my arms “daddy you came!” I closed my eyes and just held her tight “I promised didn’t I?” She held me so tight I knew she missed me all the same “can you stay tonight? Please?” Without hesitation I agreed “yes, I can and for you I will.” She kissed my cheek and crawled back in front the tv with her siblings joining her with snacks of her own.

“Hey, come upstairs tell me what’s going on” Kae said catching my attention. “You’re doing better” I said noticing a pep in her step today. “The medication is helping, this is my first day wearing makeup since the accident. I’m not the best, but I’m trying. Chris I swear today is the first day I see a light at the end of the tunnel.” I closed the bedroom door behind us and she walked into the closet to change “well you know I’m here for you.”

“Yeah I know, but what’s up? Talking about your problems might make me feel better.” She said making me smack my teeth. She giggled “she’s pregnant Rue.” She shrugged “ok so, you worried about me or, wait she what? How?!” I threw my hands up “it’s his!” She dropped her jaw “whatttttttt! After all the shit she talked and now she having a baby by O?”

“Exactly, it’s always something. I should’ve never let you leave me. I miss the peacefulness in my life and your Vietnamese food” I said earning a smile. “Chris you do know that you said you love her more right? Did you lie or was that the honest truth? Was all that for nothing? Or you just pissed off she having a baby and it’s not yours?” She asked her hand on her waist. I sighed “I’m past pissed, but honestly I’m in love with the both of you. My heart feels like I never finished anything with Robin so I want to be with her and then there’s you, but it’s different you know. You don’t want much and I love that. We got therapy tomorrow and it’s about to be whirlwind because it’s confession day.”

She walked towards me and climbed onto the bed laying back “What’s your confession?”

“This baby shit giving second, third, and fourth guesses. I know for a fact I can not see her carry another nigga child and act like I’m gonna be ok.”

“Well Chris it’s time you start telling the truth, don’t let that girl think y’all gonna be together forever only for her to end up alone” she said looking at me. “Did I tell you I was sorry? Did I tell you I never meant to hurt you?” I asked pulling her small body toward mine. “No, but I like the kissing of my ass keep going.” I chuckled “I ain’t shit, you rode for me and I played you. Is there anyway you could forgive me?”

She flipped her hair “let’s start with your credit card, cough it up daddy!” I laughed so hard and handed her my wallet “anything else?” She tapped her chin “this is part where we kiss and makeup, but I guess the shopping spree can be our alternate ending.” I looked at her bare legs and I was tempted, but I was trying not to be that guy anymore “unfortunately as much as I’m tempted I probably shouldn’t.” She smiled as my phone dinged with a text from Robin. I looked at Kae and she nudged me to open it.

Robin Hood 😈💦👅💚- Chris I think we should break up. I’m sorry I begged you to get back with me, but I should’ve just left it alone

Me- Robin what?

Robin Hood 😈💦👅💚- I’m going to get back with Odell

I didn’t even bother to reply. I simply just placed my phone down kicked off my shoes and laid parallel to Rue in silence. Two whole months of my life I spend in therapy to be worth of just a break up text.

[blyanten]

THE DUCK AVENGER PK2: #16 SOLDIERS OF FORTUNE

After the previous issue, which gave answers to several of the questions driving this story arc, gave brand new insight to the Ducklair family, set up a very personal enemy, kickstarted the final arc of this story and possibly changed the relationship between various characters forever, this issue, wait for it… ignores all of that for shenanigans in space!

AKA “Who the fuck thought it was a good idea for this issue to go here?”

Angus tries to steal Everett’s parking spot, and Everett’s driver shoves his car out of the way. With his own car. This motivates Angus to try and dig up some dirt on Everett, but that’s interrupted by weird noises and a small earthquake coming from above.

It’s a spaceship. Right above Ducklair Tower.

Everett, who should be kind of paranoid about that sort of thing, haven’t noticed, because his office is isolated from external influences. Brilliant idea, clearly. When Birgit tells him, he goes and activates some hidden security measures, just in case. The ship doesn’t look Coronian, but you never know.

Angus, having found himself a spot on the sidewalk, starts reporting, wondering if they’ve finally discovered Everett’s secrets. So close! And yet, no.

At home, Donald catches Angus’s broadcast, and immediately recognizes the spaceship. It’s Lady Elenthari. From all the way back to PKNA #27, Mastiffs of the Universe.

The Duck Avenger goes to investigate, causing a fight between Angus, who wants to blame it on Everett, and Geena Onair, who wants to blame it on the Avenger.

The Avenger goes inside Elenthari, which then takes off again, and is greeted by sergeant Q’Wykenon. Remember the robot?

Turns out Neopard isn’t there. 

Maybe be a bit careful about this? This guy wasn’t exactly honest last time.

He’s busy fighting a small war, which got complicated. Enough so that he’s sent for the Avenger to come help, and helpfully left a holorecording to explain everything. 

Come help, bring lots of weapons.

Unfortunately, that’s not an option, since the Avenger no longer has access to the insane number of weapons he used to. Therefore Avenger decides to stop off at Q’Wyn’s planet to get something better than the Duckmobile, before going to help Neopard.

While this is going on, Neopard is outnumbered, outgunned, but luckily, manages to find a fortified location to hide in.

Subtle.

He decides to explain the situation to the audience his robots, for some strange reason. The Cosmining Company had the place built by the omniversal Goompah Contruction Sites, and then decided that Goompha having gone over budged, allegedly, they could keep it without paying. The Goompha disagreed, and here they are.

Omniversal? That’s quite a claim.

The Avenger and Q’Wyn arrives at the right planet, called Armadha, get it, they’re greeted by a friend of Neopard, who is rather skeptical at first about this stranger on Neopard’s ship.

Also, it turns out that “Neopard” is a battle name (wow, I can’t believe this is what comes back later) and Neopard’s real name is Groft van Moor.

After the not-so friendly welcome, everyone seems to be more or less friendly. The Avenger gets invited to a drink, learning a few facts about the place. Like how the only thing they export is mercenaries, because the planet has nothing else to offer. On the bright side, living there makes you well-suited for dangerous work.

The Avenger decides it’s time to go shopping, but of course Neopard didn’t give him any cash, since this was the Avenger’s own idea. Luckily, there’s still one place to go, Darkstep Valley. 

Neopard’s friend explains the way, and the Avenger takes the Duckmobile to get there. Turns out he should have taken public transport.

How does this place not have lots of extreme sport tourists? Fire desert, ice desert, sure this must appeal to the kind of people who, IDK, climb deadly mountains or some stuff like that?

Neopard is still in trouble, and now his robots are failing.

Darkstep Valley turns out to be less a valley and more a giant mall. 

A drive-in mall.

Of weapons. Very expensive weapons. Eventually, the Avenger gets sent to Honest Kruth, so he’s about to get swindled.

Kruth’s full name turns out to be Kruth van Moor, but the Avenger doesn’t seem to notice. Kruth is happy to try and sell the Avenger various weapons, though most of them doesn’t seem very useful, but when the issue of payment comes up, he loses interest as the Avenger still can’t pay.

Until he sees the Duckmobile.

The man is nicknamed “honest”. He might as well have “do not trust” tatooed on his forehead.

It’s worth nothing, of course, except to a collector, but maybe they can make a trade. The Avenger says no, and Kruth is thrilled. Apparently, he really likes to bargain. He takes to Avenger to show him something really special, but only as long as Q’Wyn stays behind. Can’t have the robot call him out on his crap take photos of the top-secret weapon.

The Avenger agrees to the deal, because of course he does.

Neopard is still fighting, but jumps out of his battlesuit when Lady Elenthari comes in for landing.

Turns out it was a trick. 

Oh, good, they know each other.

Captain Alyoness takes him captive, and they banter a bit as the real Elenthari comes into orbit.

Girlfriend or wife?

Q’Wyn is just finishing installing a translation card, so the Avenger can understand him., in case the Avenger needs tactical advice. The Avenger doesn’t think so, after all, he made such a good deal. I swear, his IQ has dropped in this issue.

Neopard and Alyonesse are still bantering when they notice the Lady Elenthari.

Alyonesse is rather confused as to why Q’Wyn would take Elenthari down in the most fortified place on the planetoid, but Neopard brags about his brave terrestrial ally. She leaves him behind to deal with this, and he is clearly up to something, but we cut away to the Avenger before we can see what.

The Avenger, faced with a bunch of soldiers decide to unleash the superweapon.

How exactly did that get on board the ship without Q’Wyn seeing it?

It looks good, to people with no clue, but as a very frustrated Q’Wyn explains, it’s not a battlemachine, it’s a “wreckotronic dynodozer”, meant to clean up after really big disasters. The kind where you gather up the still useful stuff and demolish everything else.

On the other hand, it’s also pretty much unstoppable.

The enemy soldiers try to stop it anyway, leaving them distracted to the Avenger and Q’Wyn can go occupy the center. Thanks to the dynodozer, they don’t even have to work very hard to get it, as it destroyed the walls.

Neopard, meanwhile, has reprogrammed Alyonesse’s robots, and now they work for him. He takes her captive and claims he’s won. She disagrees and tells him to look at what the Avenger has done. Neopard does and decides it’s time to notify the clients.

Whatever it is, it’s long term.

The Avenger gets ready to set up an exchange for Neopard, but Neopard walks in and tells him that’s not necessary.

Could be.

Neopard does admit having been lying a little, but he was captured soon after for real anyway. So the Avenger did arrive just in time and thanks to him they lost.

Short version, both sides wanted the planetoid intact, but when the Avenger destroyed it, it became nothing but a waste of money to keep fighting over it. And since Neopard wasn’t defeated, but his bosses surrendered, that mean Neopard gets paid anyway. And so does Alyonesse, because she won.

What a reasonable system. We should get on this.

The Avenger thinks he should get something too, but since he doesn’t have a contract, he doesn’t get paid. He even lost the Duckmobile, so it sucks to be him.

Not as much as it could have though. Neopard might be a greedy liar, but he also values a good ally, and just so happens to be related to Honest Kruth and can make him give the Duckmobile back by threatening him with angry clan elders.  

You don’t swindle family, it just makes everyone unhappy.  

The Avenger gets the car back, and Neopard buys him a box of obsolete weapons. Obsolete to them, to the Avenger and against his Earth-based opponents,  however, they might be quite useful.  

The Avenger tells them thanks and goodbye, not wanting to hold Neopard and Alyonesse away from their next battles. They’re not overly concerned, they’re planning on taking a vacation in a five star system. The Avenger is surprised they’d go together, and Alyonesse asks what’s weird about that.

Neopard apologizes, having forgotten to inrduce them properly.

Duck Avenger, meet Lady Elenthari Lleyr Dalagh, AKA the girlfriend. Cute that Neopard named his ship after his girlfriend.

The Avenger takes off, he’s got work in the morning. He can’t resist checking out what’s in the box first though.

Century kind of explodes. It’s an old, sturdy building though, so it’s mostly the windows that suffer.

At work, Bloom seems to have finally had it with Donald not showing up for work, when Donald finally does show up.

Mostly the windows.

I don’t like this one, it relies way too much on “haha, the Avenger is dumb”, when it could have relied on “the Avenger is in completely unfamilar territory” and it really, really doesn’t belong in the qudrilogy. As a breather before that, sure, but I think the quadrilogy needed this issue to build from the previous one to the next, because this series was cancelled and had to finish up fast, right? Well, in the next two issues, for all that I like them, it kinda shows.

[uneven-odds]

All or nothing for the asks :D

You are evil. You must hate me too :D Okaaay so here we go. 

Aaaaaaaaaaask aawwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaay :D

Personal

1- How are you?-depressed but I´m on my way to feel better. Hopefully

2- Post a picture of yourself.

idk but I really love this  picture of me !? @promisedmistake took this picture of my after she told something funny and I just had to laugh and I just love it.

3- Do you ever wish you were someone else?- Yeah sometimes I do

4- What is your entire name?-Sarah-Luise [think  of some random surname]

5- How old are you?-22

6- Age you get mistaken for:-17, Idk why…maybe because I´m small af.

7- Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:- Capricorn and yes it does

8- What did you do on your last birthday?-movie and pizza with my best friend

9- What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?-try to get better 

10- What is your hair color?-brown

11- Have you ever dyed your hair?-Yes

12- What is your eye color?- a mix between brown and green

13- If you could change your eye color, would you?-No, I like my eye color

14- Do you wear contacts/glasses?-I need to wear glasses but I´m lazy to put them on even if i can´t read anything 

15- Your opinion about your body and how confortable you are with it:-I don´t like my body so I´m not comfortable

16- Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body?-No

17- Say 8 facts about your body: too small, good hair ( I really love my hair), pretty eyes, too much, itchy, too dry, still too short, I just can´t finde 8 facts…maybe …idk funny nose? 

18- Do you have any tattoos?- No, but I want to

19- Do you have any piercings?-No, but I had

20- Left or right handed?-right handed

21- What’s your sexual orientation?-heterosexual

22- Do you drink?-Yes, sometimes

23- Do you smoke?-No 

24- Do you have any pets?-Yes a lovely cat 

25- Where do you work?-I go to university

26- Something you are working on right now: myself

27- Do you have any “rules” about food?-No…not yet

28- Where are you from?-Germany

29- What would you say is your best quality?-I think I´m a good listener

30- What do you think you’re really good at?-Writing. (and Reading)

31- What do you think you’re really bad at?-Math. I hate it. 

32- What talent do you wish you’d been born with?-singing

33- Are you a bad person?-Yeah kinda

34- Are you nice to everyone?-Nope

35- Say 3 facts about your personality: creative, loyal, honest

36- Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?-Yes

37- What is your ideal bed? Why?-a big comfy bed with lots of pillows

38- Did you wake up cranky?-every day

39- Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?-no but I used to 

40- What do you think about the most?-future and things I have said and done

41- Share 2 habits: biting my fingernails, stay up way to late

42- What you want to be when you “get older”?-happy

43- What are your career goals?-I just wanna do something which makes me happy

44- What is your ideal career?-Author or Actress

45- Is your life anything like it was two years ago?-No…

46- Do you replay things that have happened in your head?-Always

47- Have you ever had an imaginary friend?-of course

48- Say 10 facts about your room: -messy, comfy, big enough for me, two windows, many books, a bed perfect for me (and only for me), white walls, a photo wall, light chains ( I have like 4 or more?), lots of tealights

49- Do you have any phobias?-Yes, I´m afraid of death

50- Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?-not yet

51- Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?-Yes, to mandarins pineapple

52- Ever broken any bones?-Yes my left wrist and my right elbow

53- Ever come close to death?-Yes

54- Things you like and dislike about yourself: -dislike: I´m lazy af                                                                           like: my creativity

55- A random fact about yourself: I like the smell of rain

56- What are three things most people don’t know about you?I´m actually very shy, I can´t talk to other people, I´m antisocial

57- An unknown fact about your life: It used to be better

58- Share something about yourself others might think is weird: I like it when my room is messy

59- Five weird things that you like:my messy room, to laugh about my own jokes, crying to sad songs in the middle of the night, hearing one song on repeat for a whole week or longer, collecting notebooks

60- Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this? Yes and I already did that 4 years ago

61- Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?-Yes

62- Describe yourself in one word/sentence: -I could do better but I´m too lazy

63- A quote you try to live by: “always be yourself”

64- Leave me a compliment: You are amazing

Favorites

65- What is your favorite thing to do?-reading 

66- What’s your favorite color?-blue

67- What’s your favorite band/singer?-band: Walking on Cars, Singer: James Arthur 

68- What’s your favorite movie?-the great gatsby 

69- What are your favorite books?-the great gatsby, the maze runner series and aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe 

70- What is your favorite quote and why?-”what comes around, goes around”, it just remembers me to be kind and to do the right thing

71- What is your favorite word?-fuck

72- What is your least favorite word?-the german word for panties: schlüpfer

73- What is your favorite type of food?-pasta

74- Your favorite ice cream?-stracciatella

75- What’s your favorite animal?-Cat

76- Dogs or cats?-Cats

77- Describe your favourite texture:-don´t really have one

78- What is your favorite flower?-lily

79- What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex?my favourite scent is the smell of rain, don´t have a favourte scent on the opposite sex, If he smells good then sign me up

80- What is your favorite season?-Autumn

81- What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?   1. Norway   2. London   3. North sea   4.Eiffel tower   5. Polar lights

82- What are four things you can’t live without and why?   1. my favourite people   2.books   3.muisc   4.my bed

83- Which mythological creature are you most like? Why?-I think Phoenix? because after all I always find my way back and i will always stand up again

84- What’s your favorite television show?-just one? at the moment Sherlock

85- Favorite place to shop at?-Internet

86- Say 2 facts about your favorite things: turning pages, hearing wordsFamily, childhood and places

87- Say 4 facts about your parents: I don´t know my dad, I´m not close to my mum, but she is still cool, I wish we were closer 

88- Are you more like your mom or your dad?-I look like my father (so I was told) but I´m more like my grandfather

89- Do you have any siblings?-Yes one brother and two stepbrothers and one stepsister

90- Say 9 facts about your family: not too big, loud, funny, not that close,but still there for another, vivid, sometimes annoying, still lovely, kind

91- What’s your relationship like with your family?-I´m not that close to my mum and my stepdad, but I´m really close to my grandparents I love them to death

92- Say 7 facts about your childhood:-vivd, uncomplicated, easy, free, lovely, funny, kind

93- The best and the worst childhood memories: best: sitting in a wheelbarrow while my grandfather cut the lawnworst: never meeting my father

94- Say 6 facts about your home town: small town, old, Lays next to a river, not far away from Poland, not pretty, I hate this town

95- Are you going out of town soon?-no

96- Where would you like to live?-I kinda like it where I live at the moment

97- What would your dream house be like?-cozy

98- Where would you go on your dream vacation?-at the moment Norway

99- Where you want to be right now?-far away

100- Top three places to visit:- Norway, London, Vienna

Friends

101- Would you ever smile at a stranger?-Yes ( I often do this)

102- Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?-Gender doesn´t matter to me, I have fun with both

103- Who is someone you never tire of-my best friend and @promisedmistake

104- Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?-Yes

105- Who is your most loyal friend?-I think most of my friends are loyal

106- Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?-Yas

107- If your best friend died, what would you do?-die myself

108- A reason you’ve lied to a friend:I don´t want to hurt them or worrying them

109- Have you ever felt replaced?-Yes

110- Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s):-loyal, kind, honest, amazing, lovely

Relationships

111- The last person you hugged?-a good friend of mine

112- Who was your first kiss with?-someone from my kindergarden group

113- Do you like kissing in public?-not really

114- Have you ever kissed someone older than you?-Yes

115- You have a preference for boys or girls?-boys

116- Is the male or female body closest to perfection?-EVERY BODY is close to perfection

117- Do you believe in love at first sight?-Nope

118- Do you believe in soul mates?-Yes

119- What is your idea of the perfect date?-sitting in a coffee shop and talking about everything and nothing

120- Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend: I don´t have a typ, as long as he makes me happy everything is good

121- What is the first thing you noticed in someone?-eyes

122- Are looks important in a relationship?-kinda

123- What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?-body

124- What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?-It is okay. I like it when my partner is older then me, a few years are okay, but I couldn´t date someone who is already in his 40´s

125- Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?-sure why not

126- Five guys/girls whom you find attractive:-all my friends are attractive

127- Do you have a crush on anyone?-nope

128- A description of the girl/boy you like:…..

129- Say 1 fact about the person your like:……

130- If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? There is nothing I can do.

131- When was the last time you told someone you loved them?- Ugh…I don´t remember…It´s been to long

132- Do you think someone has feelings for you?-nope

133- Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?-nope

134- Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?-yes

135- Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?-yes

136- Anyone you’re giving up on?-I don´t know? Don´t think so

137- Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?-Yes

138- Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?-Yes, my Ex-Boyfriend

139- Have you ever liked one of your best friends?-Yes

140- Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?-Yeah…

141- Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?-Yes

142- Is there someone you will never forget?-Yes

143- Say five ways to win your heart: I thought about you, food is ready, I will go to the bookstore with you, I have coffee for you, lets stay in bed all day

144- What turns you on?-a good sense of humor

145- What turns you off?-lies and disrespect

146- What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?-open himself  up for me ( in the way that he bares his soul/ his thoughts to me) 

147- What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?-talked to me for hours

148- What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?-sitting outside, stargazing and talking about everything and nothing

149- Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Have you had one written for you?-Yes and no

150- What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?- I can´t remeber…I think I stayed up all night for them

151- Are you in love?-nope

152- Are you in a relationship?-no

153- If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?-that he is imaginary

154- Are relationships ever worth it?-Yes, they can give you balance

155- Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?-no , I don´t think so 

156- Can you commit to one person?-Yes

157- Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?-Yes. I already did that

158- Do you ever want to get married?-Don´t think so…maybe

159- Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?-Oh hell no

160- Future names of your children: Noah, Finn, I had a girls name but I just can´t think of it rn

161- Do you get jealous easily?-Unfortunately yes

162- The last time you felt jealous, and why?-that was a long time ago and I think it was because he snuggled with some other girl

163- What is your definition of cheating?-kissing another person

164- Have you ever been cheated on?-yes

165- Do you forgive betrayal?-nope

166- Have you ever cheated on someone?-no

167- Why did your last relationship fail?-because he cheated

168- Things you want to say to an ex:-thanks for memories

169- A description of the person you dislike the most: Don´t have a person

170- If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

171- How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?-2 boyfriends

172- How long was your longest relationship?- 3 years and six months

173- You’ll love me if…you accept me as who I am 

174- Share a relationship story: we were walking through the woods when suddenly a herd of deer passed us by, they just ignored us, and Idk but it stucked with me. It kinda is one of my favourit memories.

Music, movies and books

175- How often do you listen to music?-every day

176- What kind of music you like?-anything which makes me feel good or touched me in any way. The most important for me are the lyrics, so if they are good,then I will love the song or this kind of music. So that could be everything

177- Do you like to dance?-I love to dance

178- What was the first concert/show you attended?-US5 2006

179- Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?-Yes

180- Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past: Hurricane by 30 seconds to mars

181- A song that’s been stuck in your head: Recovery by James Arthur

182- Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:        1. Love you any less by Rag´n Bone Man        2. Matthias Schweighöfer- Regen        3. Ed Sheeran- Supermarket Flowers        4. Lay my body down-Rag´n Bone Man        5. All Time Low- Dirty Laundry        6. Des´ree-I´m kissing you        7. Taylor Swift and Zayn-I don´t wanna live forever        8. Kraftklub-Fenster        9.  Lorde- Green Light       10. Hurts-Beautiful ones

183- A book you want to read/have recently read: I really want to read the lord of the rings, recently I read 13 reasons why

184- Describe your dream library: Books without an end

185- Last movie you just watched: Doctor Strange

186- Do you like watching what type of movies? Thriller DystopiaSituations and crazy things

187- You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done?-a song lyric on my left wrist

189- What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for?-forgot to pay a bill

190- If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?-Nick from the great gatsby

191- You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?-my grandparents, friends and other oragnisations who will help people in need

192- If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?-something I said to someone

193- If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?-Neon, just because I like it

194- If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?-2012

195- You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy?-my weapon would be a gun and I would scream “for my otp”…just because I´m weird

196- If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?-just weird, loud and full of lights and colors

197- What is the first curse word that comes to mind?-fuck

198- What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be…I don´t like partys so….

199- Halloween costume idea?-nope

200- What are you supposed to be doing right now?-nothing

201- Currently wanting to see anyone?-yes

202- Why you follow me?-because I love your blog and you are one of my best friends

203- If you met me what would you do?-hug you and tell you something funny/weird

204- Leave me a ridiculous question:  Why is water wet?

205- Leave me a cute message: Hello you, I just want you to know that you are  amazing.I´m so glad to have you in my life.  You mean everything to me, I love you

Opinions and beliefs

206- Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now?-half empty

207- Do you believe in fate/destiny?.Yes 

208- What you wish for on 11:11?-I always forget to make a wish

209- Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm?

210- Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?-Something is out there

211- What is your religion, if any?-Don´t have one

212- Would you go against your moral code for money?-never

213- What’s more important to you: strength of the body or strength of the mind?-strength of the mind

214- How important you think education is?-for me it is very important

215- If you were the president, what would you do?- I would say “I´m the president” 24/7

216- If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?-humans

217- Is it the thought that counts? Or is that phrase circumstantial?

218- If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?-sitting on a hill, listening to loud music and observe ( don´t know I have a pretty picture in my mind but it´s alreasy late and I´m tired af so…my words suck)

219- Which movie character do you most identify with and why?-gatsby, because I still have hope/ still hope for something good, something better

Feelings and Others

220- Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early?-Procrastinator all the way

221- Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance:That´s one of my favourite pictures, we met up for the very first time and it was just so incredible good, funny and just so comfortable. I felt loved, at home …I was just so damn happy. These amazing (weird) humans are my favourite people and I love them to death. They make me happy. 

222- Say 5 things you love unconditionally: 1. These people above  2. rain 3. books 4. music 5.night

223- What motivates you in life?-at the moment nothing. I hope the thought my future will do it

224- Something that you’re proud of: that I can study

225- Five words/phrases that make you laugh: Könnte ich ja machen, mache ich aber nicht

226- Share the story of something that makes you smile: it´s the same story @promisedmistake has already shared. We were sitting on the floor  in the middle of the night, listened to music, drank some wine and talked about everything and nothing for hours. It was just perfect.

227- Something you always think “what if…” about: I said those words to you

228- What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that?-I enjoyed writing fanfictions but…idk I don´t like it anymore. But I love to read them.

229- Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life: everything is awkward for me. But the most awkward moment was, were my mum wanted to talk to me about my boyfriend and stuff…still freaks me out

230- Something/someone that you miss: the good old time

231- Are you over your past?-no

232- What is your saddest memory?-the break up between me and my former best friend

233- One of the hardest moments in your life:-to let go of the person I loved

234- Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?-yes

235- What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about?-

236- What was your most embarrassing moment?-my whole life

237- Share one of your fears/insecurities:-not to be good enough

238- Something you’re currently worrying about:-my future

239- Have you done something you regret very much?-yes

240- If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be?-something I said to someone which hurt them

241- Does anyone hate you?-I hope not…

242- Do you hate anyone?-no

243- Are you good at hiding your feelings?-yes

244- What’s something you hide about your personality?-I´m sensitive af

245- How do you approach social situations?-I just don´t do it

246- Are you a social or an antisocial person?-ANTISOCIAL af.

247- Are you an introvert or an extrovert?-introvert

248- Do you care if people talk badly about you?-Yes…kinda

249- How do you deal with criticism?-mostly not so good

250- How you hope your future will be like?-better 

251- What’s something that scares you about the future?-everything

252- Five intems you lust after: books, movies, sweets, music, tickets to travel scandinavia

253- One thing you’re excited for: James Arthur Concert

254- Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had: I´m pretty sure there is some dream but I can´t remebmber it.

255- Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?-Yes

256- Who is your celebrity crush?-Dylan O´Brien

257- Make a confession: I´m a liar

[rather-impertinent]

A Fair Chance: Chapter 2

A/N: Hi friends!! Here is chapter 2, sorry it took so long I changed my mind about 24253 times but today is my birthday so I finally had some me time to sit down and write something proper, yay! Hope you enjoy! xo

(You can also read it here if you prefer the format: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9100009/chapters/20970410)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Demelza, will you sit still?!" Caroline moaned.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so nervous. I've never been to a ball or anything like that, and especially not with a guy!"

"A very attractive one at that." Caroline added. "So that's exactly why you have to sit still while I do your hair. Demelza, stop twisting it! Seriously you're going to end up with alopecia or something."

"Alo-what?" asked Demelza, untangling her fingers from her fiery locks.

"Fuck." thought Caroline, reddening. She cleared her throat slightly. "Oh it's just this condition that you get where your hair thins and falls out due to stress or other factors." She tried to say casually, ignoring Demelza's scrutinising glance in the mirror.

She hadn't told Demelza she'd had a coffee with Dwight this week. Pretty much every day.

Because it wasn't a big deal.

He'd been studying for an exam so Caroline decided to help him as she had already finished hers and she found that she had learned some medical conditions in the process.

Demelza and her raised eyebrow were about to interrogate her when the buzzer rang.

"I'll get it!" Caroline jumped up and basically ran out of the door, hoping to avoid any further questions.

She pulled open the door expecting to see Verity or a delivery man but she was instead greeted by Ross Poldark. She blinked at him, standing there in his well-tailored Armani suit. It took her about 20 seconds to register that this was a terrible situation.

"Ross!" she squeaked.

"Caroline." he replied, smirking.

"You- you're over an hour early!"

"I know. I thought I might take Demelza out for a quick bite to eat. There's never enough food at these events." He explained.

Caroline simply blinked at him, and fidgeted nervously.

"You can't." she blurted out. "I mean... She isn't ready yet!" Her mind drifted to her red haired friend sitting in the bedroom in a dressing gown with only one winged eyeliner done and her hair only half up.

Ross laughed heartily and rolled his eyes. "Women."

Caroline chewed her bottom lip, unsure of what to do. In the end she invited him in and gave him the tv remote. "Ok, we'll try to be quick... in the meantime please watch whatever you'd like. Would you like some tea? Or a beer?"

Ross chuckled at her flustered disposition. "No, thank you, I'm fine."

Caroline returned to the room wearing a panicked expression. Demelza was singing gaily along to her Spotify playlist and didn't immediately notice Caroline's entrance.

She turned to her, her own face then morphing into the same panicked expression. "Caroline? What's happened?"

"Ross is here already! We have to get you ready!"

Without saying another word, Demelza quickly dipped her brush into her powder and smeared it on her face. Caroline hastily began pinning her hair in place. Within 20 minutes they were finished, impressed with the final product.

"There's no way he's not pulling you tonight." Caroline stated proudly.

Demelza reddened and began stuttering. "Oh no, I don't think so. I mean he's so... and I'm so..."

"Hush, Demelza, you are gorgeous! I'm so excited! This is going to be great, I'll wait up for you!" she squealed.

Demelza took a few deep breaths and gathered the courage to enter the living room. Caroline hung back, with her ear pressed to the wall. She heard Ross's audible gasp.

"Why, Demelza, look at you!" he beamed, studying her impressive figure in a perfectly fitted green dress.

Demelza's voice retreated into full Cornishness due to her nerves. "Oh why thank ye Ross, you be lookin' grand yourself." She wanted to die. Why couldn't she sound all sophisticated like Ross? Her accent had lost its strength after 3 years away from home and 3 years living with a young aristocrat from London, but now and then it peaked through, usually at the worst possible time.

"Thank you." He said, blushing. "Shall we go? I thought you might be hungry, and food runs out quickly at these events."

She smiled warmly. No man had ever shown her such consideration or kindness. Her stomach fluttered nervously. As did his.

"Wait!" shouted Caroline. "I want to get a photo!" she said excitedly, as if it were her own children who were attending the ball. She snapped a couple of quick photos and they left her flat, arms linked.

/

Roughly 5 hours, 22 glasses of wine and 9 dances later, Demelza and Ross found themselves in the botanical gardens a few metres away from the university’s main building, where most balls were held.

Ross smiled and sipped the remainder of his wine as he watched Demelza drunkenly spin in circles and sing some Cornish folk songs. He found himself in awe of her spirit and beauty; how perfectly her dressed complimented her hair and skin.

He was taken out of his daydream when she squealed and pointed to a row of flowers. “Ross, look! Cornflowers! They’re my favourite!” She bent down, pulled one out and tucked it in her hair, grinning.

Ross decided in that moment he had had enough of the distance between them and moved to close it, standing inches away from her. “Have you had a nice time?”

“The best! Oh, Ross, I can't think of a night in my entire life where I've had more fun than this.” she replied, her eyes shining.

He gazed down at her. She was so intriguing, her striking beauty mixed with a childlike faith in the world. He wondered whether he should kiss her.

“Ross? Is something wrong?” she asked, worried as to why he had been staring at her for so long.

He smiled. “No, nothing is wrong.” he said, his body inching closer to hers.

He searched her eyes for consent and when he found it, slowly lower his lips to hers; gentle and hesitant at first. Then Demelza reached her arms behind his neck to deepen the kiss, which he responded to eagerly, his hands roaming. Her hands tangled in his curls whereas his glided the small of her waist, then up over her breasts to cup her jaw.

Aware that they were in public, and not wanting things to go too fast, he regrettably mumbled against her lips: “I think we’d better go home now.”

/

Caroline attempted to concentrate on Grey’s Anatomy, which Dwight had persuaded her to watch, but kept on incessantly checking her phone. It was almost 2am and Demelza still wasn’t home. Was she okay? Did she go home with Ross? Caroline considered texting Dwight to ask, but didn’t want to risk waking him up because she knew he had been working today.

Just then, an inebriated Demelza came stumbling through the door.

Caroline rushed to meet her. “So, how was the ball?”

“Oh my god, Caroline, it was amazing! Ross is such a gentleman! He paid for everything, including my taxi! And he opened doors and pulled my chair out for me! Plus he is such a good dancer!” she gushed.

“Aw, that sounds nice! Now, for the important part: did anything happen?”

Demelza smiled shyly. “We kissed.”

Caroline screamed excitedly. “I knew it! I told you he wouldn’t be able to resist. Tongues?”

“Tongues.” she confirmed proudly.

Demelza had successfully changed into her pyjamas when Caroline came into her room with some tea and toast, and a glass of water for her inevitable hangover.

Demelza rammed half a slice into her mouth and chewed loudly. “Oh my god, Caroline, that reminds me! We saw Verity there and guess what? She is Ross’s cousin! She was a Poldark before she married Andrew. How weird is that?”

“Really? What a small world!”

Switching the lamp on, Demelza slurped her tea and inhaled the other half of her toast. She smiled inwardly as she noticed Caroline constantly checking her phone. “Have you heard from Dwight?” she asked casually.

Caroline’s gaze shot up, her cheeks becoming hot. “Dwight Enys? No… Why would I have heard from him?”

“Oh, shut up, Caroline!" she laughed. "I know you two have been talking. I saw you in the library the other day. Plus, Ross said all he’s done for the past week is talk about you and how cool you are.”

“Oh, really?” Her casual tone did not reflect the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach. She knew that she couldn’t let her relationship with Dwight get any further than friendship, because it could only end badly on both sides.

“I thought you would be more excited.” commented Demelza.

“You know why I can’t be excited.”

Demelza scrunched her mouth in understanding and lurched forward to give her a tight hug.

“So, when will you see Ross next?” she asked, changing the subject.

“Tomorrow, I hope.”

“Well, in that case, you better get some sleep and sober up.” Caroline laughed and switched off the lights for her. “Night!”

“Night! Love ya!”

Ten minutes later Caroline was brushing her teeth before bed when she heard her phone ping. She smiled as she saw who the text was from.

Dwight: Tell Demelza she owes me 20 quid for the t-shirt that Ross projectile vomited on as soon as he walked in the door! She can get me a new ear too while she’s at it, because Ross has talked mine off talking about her!! Did she mention anything about them being official? X

She spat out her toothpaste and replied embarrassingly quickly.

Caroline: Hahahaha! Poor you! No… they can’t possibly be official already, can they? They’ve only met like 4 times! But idk maybe you could say something to Ross? Demelza is way too shy to ask him out, even though I know she really likes him. How was work? X

Dwight: I definitely will then! It was fine thanks, got beat at chess 3 times by a 97 year old though! But my favourite lady shared her chocolates with me, which was sweet. How was your day? X”

Caroline: Awww but I thought I was your favourite lady? :( That’s cute though. My day was really boring, I spent most of it packing to go home. But I did get through 3 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and I really like it so far! X

As soon as she had sent that text, she regretted it. She had meant it as a joke but now panicked over its risky undertone. She locked her phone, turned it over so she couldn’t see the screen and began removing her mascara to distract herself. After what she considered a reasonable amount of time, she peaked at her phone and opened the message. The message which Dwight had proof read 3 times before he plucked up the courage to press send.

Dwight: I’m sorry, you are my favourite lady! She’s my favourite  old lady. You’d love her she is so nice. When are you going home for Christmas? I’m glad you like it, I told you you would! I like to watch it and pretend that it counts as studying haha! X”

She grinned as reread the text when she got into bed, trying to think of a reply. She eventually fell asleep with the phone in her hand and a warm feeling in her stomach. Yet somewhere, in the back of her mind, something told her that something very, very bad was about to happen.

[soundonreadings]

Sound On InstaReadings Series Volume 2 with John Elizabeth Stintzi & Kyla Jamieson

Welcome to Sound on InstaReadings Series. Our second installment features readers John Elizabeth Stintzi and Kyla Jamieson and is hosted by Dina Del Bucchia. Posted here for your enjoyment are the bios of our fine readers and the text of their readings. Thanks!

John Elizabeth Stintzi is the recipient of the 2019 RBC Bronwen Wallace Award for Emerging Writers, and their work has appeared in the Malahat Review, the Fiddlehead, Kenyon Review, and Ploughshares. They are the author of the novel Vanishing Monuments as well as the poetry collection Junebat.

Excerpt from John Elizabeth Stintzi’s VANISHING MONUMENTS (for SOUND ON, April 24):

The concrete path, the door, the hallway. The house. I remember Mother stuffing me into down jackets and snow boots, hobbling me into the thick snow pants she’d bought for me at the thrift store.

“I bought it big like this because you will grow,” Mother said when she first pulled them up my legs as I sat braced on the stairs.

It was late October, which back then meant there was already a foot of snow in Winnipeg, and the rivers were frozen. It was morning. I don’t know where we were going. She’d bought me the pants with a too-big jacket because I’d outgrown the one-piece snowsuit I’d used for the last few years. I must have been around eight or nine. She rolled up the legs, took an open safety pin from between her lips, and started pinning up the rolls of extra length.

“If you buy big clothes, your body will know to grow into them. Do you want to be big one day, Alani? Like me.”

I don’t remember answering, but I must have, because that was back when Mother and I still responded to each other. My mind doesn’t usually decide to remind me of us speaking. Instead, I remember thinking about my body getting larger, as she pinned the legs, and how hopeful that made me. I wanted there to be more room for all of me, I wanted my body to feel as bare and roomy as our house did, like I could fit everything in. When I was in kindergarten, because it was too cold to have recess outside, our teacher brought out the projector to show us a documentary about hermit crabs. I couldn’t understand what the voice-over was saying because of its speed and accent, so I just watched the crabs switching shells and started to think that’s what life is like: you live as long as you can in one body, then once you can’t fit into it anymore, you move to a new one. And someone smaller takes your place.

For a while, I didn’t understand what growing up looked like, didn’t know how it worked. For a few years after Ilsa died and gave Mother the house in her will, Mother helped other elderly people in the neighbourhood keep up their lives in their own homes. Over the years of looking after Ilsa and me, she had perfected her technique of caring for fragile bodies.

Before I was in school, or during the summer, I went along with her in the mornings and wandered around the old person’s house while Mother was in another room, helping them get out of bed, bathe, eat, or take their medicine. I spent most of the time there either avoiding their mean old pets or walking around their living rooms, their hall- ways, looking at the family pictures on the walls. I remember looking through those photos for the old, frail things that Mother cared for and never once finding them.

I never thought that they could’ve been the result of one of the young bodies in those photos. After a certain age they stopped being documented, or else the newer photos were never hung. Mother hadn’t ever taught me about aging, about time’s effect on a body. I’d never seen a picture of myself as a baby; I don’t know that I’d ever seen a picture of myself at all back then. I thought that everything was inside me, that as far back as I could remember was as far back as I ever was. I assumed the people in the photos, in different stages of their lives, were each a different person. I thought I was going to be myself—a child—forever.

Nobody told me that I’d already been things that I didn’t remember, that as far back as I could recall was not the start of me, and that my life would consist of slowly leaving myself behind. I hadn’t yet realized that I didn’t remember anything about the year or two we still lived in Germany. All I’d known was that whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, there I was. Back then, with that mindset, things seemed stable.

“What does it mean being big?” I asked, as Mother took my hands and pulled me to my feet at the bottom of the stairs. She tugged at the pants, put her eye close to the floor—her tied-back hair flopping onto the hardwood—to squint and yank at the pinned legs. By then, I knew people grew, that there was no escaping the body I was in. “Why do I want to do it?”

She sat up—the memory is tack sharp—finished adjusting one of the straps of the snow pants, pulled back a little, and looked me straight in the eyes. Her face was so close to mine. I can remember the smell of her shampoo, the weight of the snow pants hanging on my shoulders, her hands grazing down along them on their way to brace her against the floor with that swooshing sound of scraped polyester. I remember everything about that moment, everything but her mouth. I want to remember her smiling, but I can’t see it. I can’t see her mouth or the inflection that the words came out with.

“Because it is going to happen, Alani. Getting big. You should be welcoming and excited for things that are going to happen.”

* Kyla Jamieson is a disabled writer who lives and relies on the unceded traditional territories of the Musqueam, Squamish, and Tsleil-Waututh Nations. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Room Magazine, Poetry Is Dead, Arc Poetry Magazine, Vallum, Peach Mag, Plenitude, GUTS, and The Account. She is the author of Kind of Animal (Rahila’s Ghost Press), a poetry chapbook about the aftermath of a brain injury. Her work was longlisted for the 2019 CBC Poetry Prize and her first book-length collection of poems, Body Count (Nightwood Editions), placed third in the Metatron Prize for Rising Authors. Find Kyla on Instagram as @airymeantime or at www.kylajamieson.com. 

BODY COUNT like every intelligent (traumatized) woman full of self-hate (shame) I have always been a perfectionist / before I wanted to be pretty I wanted to be on time / most improved most present best /my high school history teacher emphasized obedience / everyone I talk to remembers him fondly idk why / I researched the rape of nanjing / my paper was a failure / nobody really knew how many people died there / I couldn’t establish the simplest facts / it was hopeless / I forgot I asked for an apology from the prof people say I got fired like that’s what I wanted & not his respect / can writing be healing without inviting mockery? / according to google george orwell said journalism is what somebody doesn’t want printed & everything else is just pr / lately I worry the poetry I like is just pr / I wonder about the carbon emissions of a body’s decomposition / like is killing yourself better for the planet / anorexia runs in my family / studies associate it with trauma & perfectionism / I used to think I could trade obedience for safety / I rewrote my paper on gallipoli / I got an a / white history is easy / internment is only two letters from internet / that’s where I read they put us in horse stalls / my great-grandfather said I have three boys & we’re all willing to work / they were sent to a farm instead of a camp / fyi japanese soldiers raped nanjing / fyi it doesn’t matter how perfect you are / tl;dr I tried to be perfect for a long time & it didn’t keep me safe / today I went in the shower & shaved for so long my calluses fell off / I don’t like what this might be seen as saying about my politics like maybe I’m secretly as misogynistic as that man who’s in love with his sex doll as well as his sex doll side piece / but it made me feel so clean

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE FUTURE SINCE MY ONLY LIMITS ARE IMAGINED

there is artificial grass here but that’s not what i’ve been smoking like all great millennial visionaries i am caving under the weight of my ambitions my grandma says life is a gimmick i google virgin-whore dichotomy plus intellectual how to define evil without capitalism what even is normal how valuable optometrists will be during the apocalypse i am not ready for the unending applause at that one point in trump’s address to congress was gruesome when will i see you again

 EXCEPTING MY INFIRMITIES

concussed I land bed & sleep my belly is hot like heat I wear my fingernails are getting along the smiley face’s mouth corners drip condensation I dream of rivers & apocalypse opium in the dark & fear silverfish I want to write a chopped book in series voice jess sends smiling pile of poo I say to you little brother I can go to america on the internet

WBU?

I’m on Bumble & people are asking what I do for fun. How to explain no free will for a year, each day shaped by however pain appeared that morning?

I NEED A POEM

Can we talk about the moon tonight? Low & full in the baby-blue sky. A friend at my door, the sound of her laugh & well-loved heart. I want to be held up like that. I need a poem about happiness I haven’t written yet, an ode to the ducks in my neighbours’ pool, another for the pink magnolias of spring—some trees make it look so easy: yes, I can hold all this beauty up.