#idk this is just........i needed somewhere to rant because

[sluttyten]

My afraid-of-romance ass has just been asked by another regular customer for my number and the stupid thing is that again I do think this guy is kinda cute and I really probably should say yes

[amischiefofmuses]

.

[vendigool]

A non-rdr related rant about art

Its THAT time of the year again where im like "woah my art, is actually horribly shit and im not improving at all". And its mostly because I look up to really experienced, old artists and then its really easy to just compare my art to theirs. And im a minor and those artists are literally 10 years older than me but I still think I should draw more like them. Skill wise. I know art takes time but ive been drawing for about 2 years now and I just suck immensely. And then someone compliments my art, and im so so grateful but I just think theyre lying. Its fucky.

And them im like. What? Isnt art supposed to be fun? Especially since im never gonna do it professionaly? But im not having fun, there are times where i think my art is mediocre but most the time I dread to look at my tumblr page because I just hate to see what I drew myself. And its starting to get to me that I may never be better than this

[anothermonikan]

Aw boy, something fucked up with the plumbing maybe because the taps are! Not working right! Spitting out water at different pressures than what it should be! Not exactly a good omen..

[thegaythespian]

hate hate hate hate hate my brain

[thesassywitchofthenortheast]

—

[amsznn]

can you do a story about how chris and the reader meet at tara’s party but before that, reader accidentally revealed that she found chris cute and the she went viral for it (idk if that makes sense)

SOCIAL MEDIA FRENZY - c. sturniolo

2 days ago..

“chat are we enjoying this haul? don’t flame my style in the comment section.” you warned to your viewers on instagram live before grabbing the next package of clothes off the floor, ready to show your 14k viewers the next batch of items. “next youtube video when?” you read off from a comment.

“this was going to be a youtube haul, but i got lazy so..new video this week!”

your rise as an influencer had to be studied. from a random youtube vlog that you made out of the want to romanticize your life a bit and a rant on tiktok people found funny that gained 2.5 million likes caused you to not only receive near to 3 million subscribers on youtube but almost 1.9 million on tiktok.

this was only in the span of 2 years. growing and working to not only please your new fans but to also have fun for yourself as you still decided to go to college for that degree.

social media was just a hobby for you like a lot of people say. but you truly couldn’t expect the new wave of attention you would revolve for a simple comment you made.

the next item of your haul was a fitted cap that you saw at a pop up shop in your city. you recognized it from somewhere else and decided to buy it since it was also cute.

“guys this cap i actually bought because this youtuber, chris sturniolo also wears it in his videos.” at the mention of the social media star your comments flooded. “guys calm down, im not crazy, he’s just cute okay?” you laughed before setting the cap down then moving to the next piece of clothing.

soon enough you ended the live and went on with your day as normal. filming a bit of your vlog for your new video, answering emails from brands, doing some household chores and of course, settling down in your bed with some snacks for your nightly tiktok scrolling.

as soon as you opened the app you got bombarded with a screen recording of your live with the bit where you said chris was cute. it was all over. even on twitter you began trending for the potential new relationship between you and the social media star.

all you could do is read the comments, some encouraging and some hateful, watch edits of you two being shipped, and quickly text your manager profusely apologizing for the mess you just made.

you groaned while rolling around in your bed. sometimes you just forgot you were too well known to be spewing whatever nonsense came to mind.

which brings us here.

at taras party.

since she was inviting influential people, and her friends, you were a definite invite on her list. and you knew either all of one of the triplets would be there too.

you were nervous to bump into chris. would he even speak to you? and if he did would he be uncomfortable or understanding? well you were about to find out in a moment since he was walking in your general direction.

you mustered up all the courage you could and began to walk towards him. feeling the need to apologize to him since the situation was your fault and it must be annoying for him as well.

you came to a stop as he turned his body to fully face you. your breath hitched for moment taking his appearance all in. his black hoodie and black baggie jeans with his messy hair was a lot to take in in person.

either way you were gonna say what you needed to say. “hey, my names y/n. you might know me. or not thats fine too!” you stumble across your words for a minute before taking a deep breath. you could feel his eyes on you but you remembered hes just a person too.

“you may have seen the plenty of edits and a lot of my supporters in your comment sections or dms, and i just wanted to say im sorry since its been going for three days now and you must be annoyed.” you said it all in one breath and finally met the boys eyes. instead of confusion you were met with a look of amusement.

“oh you’re completely fine. honestly i felt bad for you since you were getting a lot of hate for a simple comment.” chris shrugged while giving you his signature smile. you smiled as well glad that he seemed fine with the recent uproar.

“ive heard worse.” chris said while grimacing at the thought which caused you to laugh nodding in agreement. the night went on with you and chris sticking together for the majority of the party. introducing one another to friends, chris introducing you to nick (your new best friend) and overall having a great time. before you left chris made sure to get your number and texted you to make sure you arrived home safely.

you couldnt help the smile that was spreading on your face as you recall the events of the night. maybe making that comment wasnt so bad after all.

walking towards your room of your apartment, you plopped down onto your bed and decided to make a quick instagram post for the night.

and guess who liked the post?

a/n: i hope yall enjoy this cus i sure did (i was so close to making this into a smut 😭)

[kimberly-spirits13]

Growing Up in the Justice League HC

Purely self indulgence cause I've been on this and idk why so bear with me here

I can just easily romanticize growing up in the Justice League too easily and it would be a problem

you're brought in at as a baby to be trained by Diana

Apollo brings you to her and tells her that you are an ancient being that regenerates as a new person when you die and this is the form that you have taken. As you get older, you will remember the skills and memories of your past lives but you will have to be raised with someone who can handle you

Diana just loves babies so she had no problem with that

I'd say the league has been established for some time during this point and everyone knows each other's identities in the core group

You grew up in Paris and New York being raised as a mama's child

Bruce is the closest you get to a dad and he does his best

SPOILS YOU ROTTEN

all the Barbies and Legos and whatever toys you'd want as a child

They know that you've been trained as an assassin, wizard, queen, knight, sorceress, scientist, all of these other things that can be traumatic so they just want you to have a great, decent childhood

when you start remember things they begin training you to be a hero

It's like PE and recess all in one since they're really just trying to figure out what you can do

Clark treats you like a fragile piece of glass up until you're a teen cause teenagers confuse him and he just cannot not see you as an innocent beep boppin child sometimes

Barry keeps up with the culture and knows all the songs from your favorite childhood movies and tv shows that you grew up watching on the massive computer in the watch tower when you were up there

will dance to any Barbie song since he knows them all by heart

Hal makes fun of you two but secretly enjoys the movies and is very emotionally invested in Princess and the Pauper and Diamond Castle

Diana and Bruce make sure that you have a great education and training

They are the mature parents of the group and want to make sure you're a functioning member of society

you've got a bag full of grandparents in the Kents, Allans, Princes, Alfred and they all love you to death

Alfred teaches you to make the best tea and gardening, Ma Kent teaches you to quilt and make bread, Pa Kent teaches you how to drive a tractor and farm, Hippolyta teaches you about the Greek gods and ancient cultures and how to ride horses, the Allans would have loads of board games to play and love having you over

Once Young Justice or Teen Titans comes around you don't join since you're officially a Justice League member and get along better with the adults since you were raised by them

That doesn't mean that you don't like or hang out with the kids, it's just that you have better inside jokes with Hal and Barry

When Superboy comes around and the League disappears, you were the only one not taken by the portal since you were helping out some civilians

You knew that Clark wasn't dead and you knew the League was somewhere

What kept you afloat was humor and Kon attached to that since he just needed someone that wasn't insane in his life

you probably won't develop romantic feelings for each other but it's more of a camaraderie since you were both raised in a really unorthodox way

when the league finally comes back, you say it's the happiest day of your life and rant to them that you were the only one who knew they weren't gone but no one understood it

Hal and Barry are known for having a thing for chicken tenders and make sure to instill an addiction in you for chicken tenders

Arthur (Aquaman) really really really likes them too but he doesn't realize it until he comes to the League

Clark would be the one to take you out for ice cream randomly or if you're having a bad day

the mother hen therapist type

You're America's favorite Justice Leaguer and often go viral for in uniform interactions with the League

Dancing with Flash at a Presidential ceremony because the music is too beep boopin good and you can't help but bop around a little bit

Media also loves you as a civilian and it's been suspected that you are the love child between Diana and Bruce since I mean- that would make the most sense

it's a running joke in the league

[koszmarnybudyn]

Sooo this was just suppose to be some sketches/ideas for an au i had thought of a while back but then it turned into this.

Also a rant about design choices:

John as a dragon has been on my mind for ages now, and today i thought of the masks as armor/scales idea, plus the deer mask because i do love me a creepy dear mask. He also has freakish human hands because i really enjoy that in my designs for him. And of course the colors are the artist that made the kiss inspired. He's a bit more cute i think, than how i usually draw him because the tendrils look more fluffy.

Arthur's a knight, in rusty armor, because he still needs to look scrappy, yes this was an excuse to give him longer hair and a beard. The creast is all messed up because well i think he used to work for a Saltzman's maybe (i think he was just a normal guy but then he married Bella and she was a noble/rich and he was kinda forced to become a knight, he was a bard before maybe, so after she died this armor's been basiclly just rotting somewhere). Theres Yorick because i enjoy him a lot. And i gave him a copper colored sword in a yellow sheath (because of course). I think he's still blind here.

Idk the plot honestly, this is mostly the rule of cool and my love of au making so hope you guys enjoy.

[mimasroom2]

Bunny baby ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ♡

Ellie x reader w ptsd

𓂋

ʚ♡ɞ

I was inspired by @elliezlils11utt fic of Ellie x hypersexual reader and it reminded me I’ve always wanted to write some Ellie hcs that can help my ptsd :)

This is specifically with Jackson!ellie bc she’s my favorite :3

C/w: ptsd obviously. A bit of smut. Mostly fluff tho :3. Flashbacks. Intrusive memories. Triggers. MDNI 😒

W/c: ≈ 800

~

- It depends on how you guys met + how your relationship started,, but you’d definitely be super shy ab your trauma & ptsd and would avoid telling her as long as you can.

- When you finally tell her she’d be soooo sweet☹️. She’d sit you guys down on the couch and sit across from you criss cross applesauce style

- You wipe your tears away and laugh a little at how cute she is. Like why’d she have to go and sit like that ?!!

- You don’t feel nervous with her per se,,, but you feel kinda weird uncanny and naked (in a gross way) talking ab this, so most of the time when ur ranting you’ll focus on her eyebrow scar.

- You talk for as long as you want to and Ellie listens and nods and holds ur hand if u start crying ☹️☹️

- Surprisingly she doesn’t say anything like “whoever did this to you is gonna fuckin’ pay ‘mkay??” Because yknow….. she’s Ellie. She doesn’t want to rile you or herself up and make you uncomfortable >•<

- When you’re done explaining she’s gonna hug you and ask to kiss you. She’ll reassure you and say “Thank you for telling me baby. Now that I know I can try to help you in any way I can,, and I’ll stick by your side no matter what.” She giggles as she pulls you in closer :))))

- She’ll try to understand your triggers but sometimes it’s really hard for her to. “Fuck I’m so sorry princess.. was it what I said or like.. the way I said it?”

- The truth is she LOVESSS cuddling and if you’re ever upset she knows it’ll for sure calm you down.

- Even if ur trauma isn’t related to sex she’d still be careful and sweet with you. Like,,, you’d have to BEG her to degrade you.

- “Els please… I know what im asking for I literally think it’s so hot when you do it🙁”

- “Angel idk if it’s really a good idea bc you had all those intrusive memories today..”

- “Ellie if you don’t degrade me I literally don’t think I will cum.”

- And then she perks up and yelps “ON IT!” 😭😭😭

- During the middle of it she’d literally stop and ruin it😭 “Yeah? You fuckin’ like these fingers huh babe? God such a fuckin’ slut for me..” she whispers in your ear”… heyyy is this like… still okay or? I dunno just seemed weird.” As you were like MOANING AND WHIMPERING

- You playfully smack her face “YES ELLIE please just- you don’t have to hold back!”

- Aftercare would be hugeeee for the both of you. Just in general Ellie really needs it but especially for you.

- “Jus’ don’t wanna hurt my princess after I’m done fucking your cute pussy” she looks down at you and you squeal for her to stop and cover your face with your hands.

- She laughs and rubs your back and starts talking casually about what her plans are for tomorrow.

- Sometimes you feel guilty that you’re taking up most of the attention in the relationship bc of your ptsd but she immediately interrupts your rambling and reassures you ♡

- If you have nightmares she’d wake you up and cuddle + distract you until you were tired enough to fall asleep again.

- Maybe if you were in the mood she’d distract you by eating you out 🤭

- If you ever felt uncomfortable or had a panic attack or flashback in public she’d take you home immediately even if it was inconvenient.

- “No babe.. what the fuck no.. it was not your fault okay. Getting scared is never your fault.” She tilts your chin up (,,•o•,,) “Let’s just try to calm down, yeah? That’s my girl.”

- Ellie hears ab service animals for ptsd and since Jackson really only has horses she managed to find you a BUNNY

- “Ellie how the fuck WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU FIND THIS BUNNY?!!,??.!.”

- “Don’t be scared babbbbbeeee I just got it somewhere okay?” She smiles all mischievous and lifts the brown bunny up. Its nose twitches.

- “Who’d you have to trade? WHAT did you trade actually??” Your eyes grow wide.

- “Jus’ got it from Tommy baby,,, no big deal.” She sits down on her knees to put it in the cage she got. “Found this cage jus’ lyin’ there. Asked around and nobody needed it.”

- After a few hours of playing with your new bunny you kiss her cheek in bed and whisper “Really, Els. Where’d the damn bunny come from.”

- “Really I already told you! Got it from Tommy… I was uh.. askin’ about like what he thought would be good for ptsd and he told me about a time where people would have dogs and other animals trained to help people. I dunno I thought it was cool.” She smiles sheepishly.

- You think that is the sweetest thing EVER because you thought she just finally wanted a pet for the two of you (❀❛ ֊ ❛„)♡

~

I’m actually gonna melt why do ppl never write sweet Ellie 😞💘

[sexhaver]

if your reaction to Musk pushing for more H1B visas is "wow the hitler salute guy accidentally did something good, this will be good for immigrants who get these visas" and not "hm, the richest guy on earth wants to expand a program that lets companies like his (and also literally his company in particular) hire immigrants in a way that gives the companies all the leverage and effectively stops those workers from exercising any of their labor rights (or even just switching to a better job) under threat of deportation, and he's also part of a White House that has been super vocally anti-immigration. perhaps there is some ulterior motive to this announcement and his proposed changes to the program that will result in these H1B immigrants getting taken advantage of" then you need to, idk, read the news more? stop taking fascists at face value? think about why fascists would support immigration specifically in the labor sector while physically blocking it everywhere else?

my issue with Musk proposing an expansion of the H1B program has not, and has never been, "competition" from immigrants. this job market is already horrendous, H1Bs are a drop in the bucket in that regard and anyone seriously mad that an immigrant "stole their job" is either racist or falling for racist propaganda. my issue is the opposite: if i and an H1B holder both get hired for the exact same job, they will be making a fraction of my salary (because of their immigrant status) with none of the protections against labor violations or even the ability to just walk away and work somewhere else (again, because of their immigrant status). they're doing the same work as me (better, actually, to qualify for a green card) and yet they're getting paid less and treated worse because they're an immigrant.

and in theory you can counter this with "okay but it's worth it for them to put up with that because after a few years they'll be a citizen and able to make the big bucks with labor protections too", but here's the thing: a fascist White House talking out one side of their mouth about issuing more H1Bs and making them cheaper, while simultaneously ranting about "closing the border" and sending Fox News teams out on ICE raids the day after inauguration, is not a White House that has any intention of letting these visa holders become citizens. big companies are overwhelmingly going to use these new H1Bs as a way to hire people, string them along for a while while underpaying and overworking them, and then find some reason to not give them a green card at the end of the process. formerly the incentive for companies not to do that was all the overhead fees associated with the H1B itself, but oh look, Musk wants to reduce those too.

like, yeah, i get it, the process of becoming a US citizen is a nightmare designed to be hostile and let in as few people as possible. the solution to that is absolutely not to let ELON FUCKING MUSK, the RICHEST MAN ON EARTH, rework + expand H1Bs. do you really trust him to handle that in a way that results in anyone but him and his friends winning. do you expect the average H1B holder experience to end in citizenship under Trump's administration. do you really.

[gremlin-girly]

Flufftober Day 27

Alt 8: Written But Never Sent

Pairing: Steve Rogers x gn!Agent!Reader

Tags/Warnings: FLUFF, ANGST (idk why I'm putting Steve through the ringer this week lol), mutual pining (this is apparently my bread and butter as well as my jam), mentions of death, crying/grieving, alcohol consumption/drunk (mentioned), confessions, first kisses, second chances, not beta'd I try to cover everything in my warnings but they are non-exhaustive - please read at your own risk! I will say that this fic is Angst heavy for the majority of it

Summary: You've been missing on a mission for longer than expected; all of your friends and teammates believe the worst to have happened. When packing up your apartment, Steve finds a series of letters addressed to the team in a box in your closet, and decides to read the one addressed to him. Word count: 2.6k

A/N: This one took me longer because I was really struggling with coming up with something for the afternoon stroll prompt. But hey! I think I kinda made this fluffy? We'll ignore the parts that are really sad though. I wanted a little mix of angst and fluff to switch it up. - Love, Grem x Dividers by: @/saradika-graphics

As always, likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated!

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You had went to Hungary over a month ago on a long mission; excited to be flying solo for the first time. Everyone was excited for you too. Natasha had given you a charm bracelet for good luck (that just so happened to be a mini taser), Bucky had shown you had to gut a man three ways, Sam had kindly offered you a lollipop since he had nothing as interesting to gift you last minute and Steve.... Well, Steve had offered some very leaderly advice and urged you to call if anything went wrong and you needed help. You'd assured him, and the others, that you'd be fine but promised to keep it in mind. You waved them goodbye from one of the quinjets and headed for your mission, already daydreaming about returning with grand tales of espionage and action to share with your friends.

But a week and a half ago you went radio silent.

All agents are given 72hours to reach a pre-determined checkpoint, usually a safe house 15 miles from your allocated location for the mission. Usually, when a cover is blown, an agent makes it to a safe house in an average time of 17hours, accounting for hiding out and ensuring they aren't followed.

No one was phased for the first seventeen hours. Not even for the first twenty-four. This was your first mission after all. But the hours dragged longer and longer, and by the 48th hour Steve and the team were desperate to make contact with you and head to Hungary themselves. However, as Nat had pointed out, any other agents in the field could be casualties and putting them at risk was not an option either. So, they had to wait.

Everyone knew what it meant when an agent hadn't checked in for a week.

There were two options; you were either dead or, by the grace of God, you were alive somewhere, somehow, and hadn't managed to make contact.

It was unlikely to be option two.

Although he didn't outwardly show it, Steve was the most affected by your assumed death. He'd planned a welcome home party for you before you left as a congratulations on your first mission, and had been fretting over what flowers to get you (or if he should get any at all). He'd been so proud you were flying solo - you'd been ready - even if he was a little anxious that he couldn't be beside you.

He'd held it together when Sam announced it to the team but barely. He was glad Sam had offered to speak instead of him - Steve wasn't sure he'd be able to make it through just speaking your name. Steve had made sure, as he usually did, to check in on everyone. He nodded along when Tony ranted about getting tracking software in everyone's suits to stop this from happening again and held Wanda when she cried about losing yet another person dear to her.

Hours and hours of endless grief and yet Steve stood tall being everyone else's rock. Being Captain.

Bucky had checked in on him once, and so had Sam, but Steve had only nodded with an "I'm okay. Don't worry about me." They clearly didn't believe him but knew better than to push it just yet. He was grateful for that.

It was when he was at home that night, in the dark of his apartment watching the lights of the city flicker from the window that he finally cried. He couldn't remember the last time he cried so hard but once he started he couldn't stop. Curled in a ball on the floor against the sofa, Steve sobbed until he somehow managed to drag himself to his bedroom in the early hours of the morning.

Steve had only managed to get a few hours sleep before he was up again. He was pouring himself a second coffee and rubbing his tired red eyes when his phone rang.

"Yeah?"

"Steve." It was Fury. "I'm sorry to hear about Y/N."

Steve hums in vague acknowledgement, stirring creamer into his coffee. "What is it?"

Fury sighs into the phone and there's an audible creak as he slumps back into his chair. "There's no easy way to put this but we have to collect Y/N's things from their apartment."

Steve sucks in a breath. Army training makes him bite back vicious comments about how no one knew if you were dead and, even if that were the case, it hadn't even been a month since you'd disappeared. Angry bile burned in his throat and he breathed slowly through his nose, trying not to give away that he was furious. Fury was his friend too - and he was just doing his job.

"We're keeping the lease in their name, don't worry." Fury adds, seemingly noticing Steve's icy demeanour through the phone. "But the belongings and possible traces back to covert operations and the Avengers need to be held in secure storage until... a future time."

There's a heavy beat of silence before Fury continues. "I just thought you may want to be there when the agents pack things up is all."

"I'll be there." Steve says without a second thought. "Just tell me what time."

Steve walked to your apartment that afternoon. He knew it wouldn't be smart to take the motorcycle; the ability to speed and cause more harm to himself than necessary because of his grief was tempting but ultimately pointless.

It was a sunny day. A light breeze softly tousling his hair as he wandered the streets to your apartment. He'd been there a few times - in a totally leader/co-worker/friend manner of course - but the memories that flitted through his brain had him pausing more than once to stop himself from running back home.

One of the first times he'd been to your apartment was your housewarming. You'd finally moved from Natasha's couch into your own place and invited everyone around for drinks and food. You'd thanked him for the flowers he'd brought you when he'd arrived a lot earlier than everyone else and gave him a quick tour of the small apartment, showing off your paintings and trinkets with an infectious glee that had you both giggling and teasing one another. Unlike his apartment, yours had warmth. He'd never felt so at home in a new place before but then again, with you, he always felt like that. Safe.

Another time, you had been drunk. He only remembered when he pushed through the door and saw that you still hadn't fixed the gouge in the doorframe where you'd shoved your key into trying to open your door. Steve chuckled wryly and closed the door behind him. You and the girls had gone out drinking and Steve had offered to be your chaperone home; insisting that as team leader, your safety was priority.

"I don't see you walking Nat home," You had slurred, walking into him multiple times until he took your arm. "Or Wanda."

"Wanda can control people with her powers and Natasha can break four bones in twelve seconds." Steve chuckled, looking down at you. "Come on, you need to get home."

You swayed outside your apartment door, keys poised in hand, eyes narrowing on the key hole. You jabbed viciously, missing the lock entirely, spearing the door frame.

"Whoopsie." You giggled, setting Steve off too.

Steve wandered past your kitchen counter, remembering how he had to unlock the door for you, help you out of your shoes and usher you to bed with a glass of water. You'd looked beautiful that night and he should have told you so.

Tears threatened to spill and Steve was thankful he made it early before any of the agents sent to pack your things. He glanced around your living room, wiping at his eyes. He didn't know where to start. Only that he had to.

A few hours later, Steve finally managed to set foot into your bedroom.

Everything smelled like you in there. It was overwhelming. Steve had to sit on the floor for a few moments to regain his composure. Clothes that you hadn't managed to pack were left strewn across your bed and floor, your jewellery at your dresser, nothing of note to be found. Except, from where Steve had sat in a hurry, he could see a brightly coloured box peeking from your closet.

His face flushed as he wondered what could be in there; something he shouldn't see? More trinkets? However, curiosity got the better of him and he inched closer, tugging the box towards him and ripping off the lid.

Envelopes.

It was full of envelopes.

The very top one had his name on it written in neat, block writing. Steve pulled his envelope from the top and set it aside and returned to the box. The next envelop read N a t a s h a. Steve flicked through the next few and sure enough, there were envelopes addressed to the whole team as well as some family members and other friends. Steve's blue eyes flickered to his envelope beside him. He touched it tentatively like it would burst into flames before him. There was something inside of it - a letter most likely - and it made Steve's stomach lurch.

You'd written him a letter?

Morbid curiosity had him opening the letter carefully and tugging out the contents. Steve smiled through tears seeing your handwriting and scrawled mistakes through the paper and unfolded it, reading it slowly and meticulously, trying to imagine you sat at your kitchen counter writing it.

Dear Steve,

Who starts a letter with "dear" anymore? "To" didn't seem right and "Hi" was just... bad. Anyway, if you're reading this I guess that means that I've taken a short walk off a long pier. Which sucks but I knew if I didn't write these letters, I'd probably come back as a ghost and be miserable for all eternity or something.

Steve snorts at the first paragraph, chuckling thickly through the stream of tears.

Firstly, I want to say thank you. For being a friend and my captain a great team leader. It was an honour and privilege fighting beside you. That being said, I know that you're going to be there for everyone but yourself - so I have taken it upon myself to request that the team help take care of you in my letters to them.

Now Steve fights back a choked sob, cursing quietly and wiping tears away furiously. How did you always manage to read him like a book? You knew when he lied in truth or dare, when he lied to Tony about stupid shit, when he lied about being fine. He loved and hated that you could do it. Loved and hated you could see Steve Rogers beneath Captain America.

Secondly, I have something I want to confess. Maybe I'm I was reading into things to much but I have had, what the kids call these days, a "crush" on you. My only two regrets about this are not telling you sooner and not asking you out for coffee - even if you'd complain it was over-priced and that "back in your day you only had one type of coffee."

And finally, I want to say thank you for everything and I wish you nothing but the best - it's no less than you deserve. Love, Y/N

All of the air in Steve's lungs has evaporated. His heart has halted and he stares at the piece of paper in his hand like it's some sort of cosmic horror mangled with a joke. You'd been "crushing" on him? Steve reads the final half of your letter another few times, his heart aching in his chest.

Getting coffee with you. He'd have liked that. He vaguely remembered Nat mentioning to him that he should ask you out for a coffee and his lip quivered. He wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry.

"You could always ask Y/N out for a coffee, Steve." Nat had smirked at him. "You know, if you want to get to know them a little more."

Steve had frowned at her, confused. "We have coffee here," He said, pointing at Tony's old percolator that he'd just refilled. "Why would I need to go out with them to get to know them?"

Nat shook her head and sighed at him. "Nevermind, Rogers."

Your bedroom was quiet as Steve sifted through all of his memories of you. How many opportunities had he missed? He hadn't realised you had felt the same way and he'd pushed his feelings aside because he was your leader. He didn't know how long he sat for, still clutching the letter in his lap, but when there was a commotion in the main area of your apartment he frowned and clambered to his feet.

Yelling echoed throughout the apartment but before Steve could open your bedroom door it was flung open. Steve inched back and stared wide-eyed, still holding the letter.

You stared back at him.

"Hi Steve," You say quietly. Your gaze searches his face, seeing the tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes of your Captain boring into you. He looked like he'd seen a ghost. Your eyes trail down and see he's holding a bit of paper, chest tightening when you realise what the paper is. However, before you can even open your mouth again, Steve's lips are on yours and his arms are hugging you so tightly you think you might burst.

His lips are salty from his tears but you don't mind, considering you haven't had a proper shower in days and he clearly didn't seem to care. Your own arms wrap around his waist, leaning into the soft, tender kiss without so much as a second thought.

The moment you break for breath, Steve's face is buried in your neck. You can feel the wet of his tears staining your shirt and it makes your own eyes well too. You squeeze him back tighter than before.

"'M sorry it took me so long to get back," You murmur into his shoulder. Steve barely moves a muscle and his voice is so quiet, you have to strain you're ears to hear him.

"You're back, that's all that matters."

Your heart hammers in your chest and you bravely rest your head onto his shoulder, slumping in his arms wearily.

"It was a nightmare getting back," You confess. "But I'm glad to be back. Especially if that's my welcome home present from now on."

That earns you a chuckle from Steve, who briefly moves back to look down at you, his eyes glistening with happy tears of relief and something a little more. "It can be. How about you tell me everything over coffee?"

Your eyebrow quirks and for the first time in week, you both smile at each other. "You're not talking about coffee from the percolator, are you?"

"No, I'm not."

You snort and shake your head in disbelief. "I'm AWOL for two weeks and everyone's panicking that I'm dead." You tease, giving him a playful sideways glance. "Oh, ye of little faith. Found the letter, huh?"

Steve's arms squeeze your sides again, the smell of his aftershave engulfing you in the familiar scent that made you feel warm and fuzzy whenever you were around him. "Was it that obvious?"

You pretend to ponder for a moment before answering yes. Your eyes gleam playfully up at Steve, looking the same as you did that night he walked you home from the bar, making him want to kiss you all over again. And he does. The flushed, shy look you give him after he pulls away again makes his heart soar.

"Come on," He urges, not wanting to waste a moment longer now that you were back.

Alive.

With him.

"I owe you a coffee date. Or ten."

[jisatsuwaifu]

Life is incredibly frustrating, stressful, and exhausting. Everyday I think “it’s okay, it’ll get better, try again tomorrow” but it just keeps proving me wrong. When I think things are getting better and I can finally relax, something else comes along and puts me right back into panic mode. It’s always something, there’s never a break. I never feel safe. All I do is complain about how sad or frustrated I am and I’m sure everyone around me is sick of hearing it. Which is fine, I wouldn’t want to be surrounded by misery when my life is good either or listen to a broken record when there’s much better music to be heard. I am my own responsibility, I shouldn’t rely on others.

My thoughts consume me. Not in a cutesy I’m just a girl cringe kind of way but in a “I need to go to sleep as soon as possible to prevent an accident” because I cannot trust my own head to comfort me but to only make scenarios worse or feed into my paranoia. I am not built to be left alone. I constantly feel like I’m too much and not enough. I’ve never felt more loved but also so alone in all my life. Everything is black and white there is no grey areas with my mind.

I just don’t think anyone knows or understands how thin I’m being stretched and how badly I’d just love for everything to stop and to be able to catch my breath. Just for a day. I’ve cried for help but I don’t think the one person I need help from genuinely hears me. I dont trust many people to begin with. There’s only so much a single person can take before it starts to cripple them. And I know I can be over dramatic and too emotional at times but this genuinely feels like the end, I can’t see past this point in my life. And the sad part is I do not know how I got here. Or this far to begin with. But I am so tired. It’s times like these I wish I had my mom back or even just a family to lean on and seek advice from, but I can’t even entertain my own sister long enough to talk on the phone with me. I don’t understand why I exist or what my purpose is if all I’ve ever been exposed to is pain and abandonment. There’s some aspects of my life that I know I serve a purpose for and want to make proud, I’m trying my hardest for that one thing. I just don’t want to cause anymore damage than I already have. I can’t be like my mother.

I just needed somewhere to vent, some outlet. It won’t change anything. I feel hopeless and empty again. I might just delete everything. I don’t know.

The best I can do right now is try again tomorrow.

( if you read all of this thanks for listening to my rant and I’m sorry I wasted your time when you could have been scrolling onto something cooler like tiddies or anime idk but ty anyways <3 )

[elsa-fogen]

Ngl this is my first thought when i found out i was aroace 😂

Before i found out i was aroace, i thought i was special because girls and boys my age literally just spends all their time talking on and on about their crushes when they could do more productive things like idk studying, reading books or fanfics, freaking finish all the chores so you have free time, draw or whateva your hobbies and talents are, spend time with friends and families, etc.

But when i found out tho; i thought "damn i ain't special? (Tʖ̯T)" I honestly wanted to both choke and hug them at the same time to all the other aroaces out there 😂

Sorry for the long rant i couldn't help myself 😅

You know, so true 😭

I was in 7th grade when girls in my class were talking about who they slept with, like, WE WERE 14, WHAT THE FUCK and it felt like they have NOTHING ELSE to talk about, like, gurl don't you have hobbies or anything better than go to parties and fuck?? Me meanwhile drawing dragons 'n shit in my notebooks. this memory for some reason is very strong in my head.

i thought i just slow developing but 10 years passed, nothing changed, i still don't understand and don't find all of this entertaining or interesting

I think i'm just now discovering that i'm somewhere on the ace/aro spectrum, and mostly thanks to Alastor and how people reacting on my portraying of him, saying that i'm providing good ace rep 😅 And my reaction is like "oh okay then", probably because i never faced the "why r u alone, you need to find a boyfriend" thing (although i think my mom is starting it...)

(tho i'm still not sure, some of this may be caused by some health or mental problems, that's totally possible)

anyway yeah, sorry for that too lmao

[dilly-dahlia]

Laurance unlike Gar being raised to respect everyone, (like how he doesn’t expect aph to like him back) and therefore can be feminine becase he respects women

YES!! to be honest I think I accidentally made Garroth and Laurance foils of each other?? ngl I could never grasp the concept of character foils so idk 😔

anyway I love when people send me asks because it gives me an excuse to yap so now here’s a rant about what I have so far for Laurance in my rewrite and why he is the way he is: cw: allusions to sa

it’s not even so much that he was raised that way he just had such a shitty first fourteen years of his life and he doesn’t think anyone should ever experience that or anything similar. until he was six years old, he was always getting punished for literally being an outgoing child. he would get smacked with a ruler for wanting to play and he developed such a fear for shears because when the orphanage caretakers first cut his hair close to his scalp, they were so careless they cut him across the back of his head. he was later transferred to a stricter orphanage for problem children because of how disruptive he was every time he needed a haircut and how often he cried.

Laurance didn’t like the second orphanage either though so he literally ran away. just one night he looked outside and snuck out and never looked back. he was like eight at that point and he didn’t know where to go so he was just wandering aimlessly for a couple days. it wasn’t until traveling mercenaries came across him on the verge of passing out and probably dying that he got proper help

he stayed with them for a bit, and that was the first time he heard about Irene the Matron and the other Divine Warriors. the mercenaries he was with told him a couple stories about her and Laurance literally had stars in his eyes hearing them. a couple days after they found him, they reached the next village and dropped Laurance at that orphanage. Laurance cried watching them go

and this orphanage that he had been dropped in seemed better than the other two. when they went to cut his hair they were much gentler than anyone else had been, and they took a kinder approach to parenting. this was the orphanage Laurance stayed in the longest, but he still didn’t like it. yes, they were nicer, but they were still so strict and treated everyone there like mini adults instead of children. so Laurance ran away again

and that cycle continued for a little bit. somewhere along the way Laurance met Ungrth and found comfort in the wyvern because in a way they were similar. any time Laurance was out of an orphanage for any amount of time, Ungrth would help him survive even if it was by just a hair. Laurance found peace in it because it was the first time he felt truly respected and loved

this cycle continued until Laurance was fourteen. he had to teach himself how to fight by then because while camping out alone he had been robbed, nearly killed, and worse multiple times. he was always left beaten and bloody, so he figured out how to defend himself. he also often found himself wondering why and how strangers could be so cruel to someone so young, someone so obviously in need. he tried his best to steer clear of villages because he knew he’d end up in another terrible orphanage, but sometimes he needed to venture into a plaza to get food for himself, and he would suddenly find himself in another uncomfortable bed

it wasn’t until Laurance fell asleep one day near a field of roses that he actually began having some structure in his life. he woke up and this red headed girl was staring at him and lightly poking his shoulder. she turned back and called for someone, and two other men joined her

Laurance was on his feet, ready to defend himself, in seconds. all three of them panicked and calmly explained that they didn’t want to hurt him, and Laurance reluctantly surrendered

they brought him back to the village of Meteli and cleaned him up and fed him and offered him the first real home he’d ever had. once again Laurance briefly heard of Irene the Matron (not really, but there was a monument dedicated to her by the water and the family he had been staying with had multiple texts about her) and wondered if this was the sort of kind acts she did. he learned that the names of the three people were Cadenza, Hayden, and Joh, and that Joh was the Lord of Meteli

he stayed with them for a week, and then when he said he had to go the three of them asked if he wanted to stay longer. Laurance was skeptical and thought it was a trick at first, but they had seemed genuine. so he agreed

he learned that Cadenza was adopted. she told him what happened to her parents and how Hayden and Joh found her in that same field of roses, and she said that since they had found Laurance there too then it must be a sign of sorts

he learned that Hayden and Joh had been married for a few years, though they had to hide it for the first two. Laurance couldn’t grasp why, even after they explained that the region wasn’t very kind to homosexuals. Laurance just couldn’t understand why people would worry themselves with something as mundane as love when there were more pressing issues

as time passed, Laurance forgot that he had been a runaway for most of his life. Hayden and Joh started calling him their son and Cadenza started calling him her younger brother. Laurance’s hair slowly grew and he let it get long. because he wanted it to be long, but also because it was his own way of supporting his fathers by going against the grain of what’s traditional. i also said in my hair analysis post that his long hair represents his happiness and comfort

and he has been a mannequin for Cadenza multiple times. he wasn’t very happy when she first told him they were similar sizes, but he complied and let her play dress up with him because he thought it was fun. he was finally able to be himself

he tried being evil and cruel one time, but he realized that just wasn’t him. he was taken back and reminded of how he felt the multiple times he had been disrespected or violated and realized he never wants to make anyone else feel that same way. he becomes a devout follower of Lady Irene and treats every person he comes across with respect. when he comes into position of Head Guard of Meteli, people don’t just come to him with village issues, they come to him with personal problems because they know he won’t judge them, and he takes pride in being the rock

Laurance is very strong and comfortable in his masculinity, and it’s not just because of his family. he’s comfortable in his masculinity because he knows there are bigger problems in the world than a man with long hair or a woman wielding a sword. he doesn’t mind wearing the occasional dress, if a comrade needs mouth to mouth to survive he’s perfectly fine pressing his lips against his brother in arms, and he doesn’t give a damn if people think he’s weak because of his long hair. it’s their loss when Laurance hands their ass to them in a sparring match

but that’s enough yapping because that was a lot more than I anticipated!! BASICALLY: yes. Laurance respects everyone and doesn’t care if he’s seen as weak because he displays more feminine traits like compassion and empathy because that’s what he wished people showed him more when he was a child!

anyways sorry if this is a lot and totally not the response you were expecting. I got a tad carried away uhm.

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Hey, I've been following you for a long time now and I've never seen you complain or rant about literally anything but I genuinely wanted to ask your honest opinion about how you felt about episode 11 of thk like yes it was emotional but I'm asking you in terms of writing and directing side like Idk why it felt rushed and I'm a firstkhao fan so for me specially their scenes felt cut short with no problem dialogues given to them and that child intercepting them was it really needed?? It was the last 2nd episode more than that the whole day was really meaningful for them considering they will literally get to spend time together after 5 freaking years !! I know I'm sounding like a child complaining about such things but we have only an episode left and I feel like we still need 3-4 episodes considering the teaser they showed for the next episode!! Okay okay I'm done with my rant but really tell me how do you stay this positive regarding fk specially

Hello Anon, Welcome to my humble abode of me fangirling over FirstKhaotung, I guess? I am quite bemused that you (or anyone really) can follow my rambling mess.

Anyway, getting back to your asked – I can see you are somehow frustrated and perhaps a tad disappointed with the “lesser screen time” for KantBison compared to FadelStyle?

Writing and Directing for THK Ep 11 (and THK in general)

I won’t pretend I know anything about what is considered good screenwriting/script or directing. I will also admit that there are several things that I am puzzled by in THK. Certainly, there are some weak characterisations and general plot lines that sometimes doesn’t make sense. E.g – Captain Christ being able to promise only 5 years in prison sentence (my eyebrows shot up when he said that lol). And what about the whole Kant having Madam Lilly on tape doing villainy-stuffs – how? Did she really keep her own villainous act on tape – because I am assuming those evidence was the one Keen got for the boys at the beginning of the episode). Or perhaps we are just meant to use our media literacy skills and connect the dots that the tape is likely from Ruerat (which the brothers have successfully hidden him somewhere for the last few days until he is conveniently needed as a leeway for Captain Christ to “help” our besties). Plus, Captain Christ just letting Kant/Style getting away when they are complicit in helping our pair of hitmen.

So, like I say, plot holes. And let’s be honest, The Heart Killers as a series were never going to be an award-winning show per se (unlike P’Aof series that has now won his 3rd? consecutive best BL series in award shows. And judging from fan reactions of Gem4th upcoming series with him, he will have another winner on hand). But see, P’Aof shows have never quite hit the mark for me (I liked ATOS, Bad Buddy enough – we don’t speak about Last Twilight in my blog lol – as far as I am aware, that show ended in Ep 10).

However, what I am feeling when I watched Jojo’s series… is me being entertained every week (even when I am crying buckets in some scenes). And this is especially true with The Heart Killers. From the start, he has made it clear the genre is romantic comedy. He also made it clear the show is the “fantasy of how gay hitmen lives”. Just from that, I know the show will not take itself too seriously.  

Plus, if you know P’ Jojo CVs, you kinda know what to expect with his series – and I will sum it up as expect the unexpected and plot twists. 3WBF – Jennie’ partner died at the end. OF – Sand kissing Nick/Top. So, I was prepared for anything when the official THK trailer drop. When I saw the BDSM scene for example – many people were disappointed it wasn’t a “true” BDSM scene. But I personally think it added to the narrative because it showed the distrust between the 2 of them. Of course, it will be amazing for us to have another scene that will show what a BDSM with 2 partner who trust each other will be like. However, I am already impressed by how Jojo (and FirstKhaotung) successfully introduced the concept of safe word/basic BDSM etiquette to the largely conservative Thai audience (and while THK won legions of international fans, I am again reminding people when directors/Thai production houses produced BL shows, it is first and foremost catered for Thai audiences). Or what about the way the safe word is later used in a different, non-sexual manner between KantBison – this to me, gives depth (and again, unexpected twist!) to the writing of the show.

As for Ep 11 specifically – I think there were again some parts that can be improved but overall, it is a wonderful episode that contrast beautifully between our 2 couples while also highlighting how our 4 boys have stayed true to their characters. If there is one thing I am impressed about the script, it is how our 4 main characters stayed true to their inner personality even as we see them blossom once they fall in love. You talked about how KantBison scenes appear truncated, and they didn’t have in depth “problems” dialogues when compared to FadelStyle scenes. See, part of the “problems dialogues” as you mentioned have already been addressed during their stay in Bison’s island – in fact, I will argue Ep 8-9 were particularly focusing on those – from Kant/Bison talking about their trauma and fear, their family members/ the past and what they wished for their futures. However, we didn’t get this from FadelStyle Ep 8-9 (their scenes took a comedic tone to off set the heaviness in KantBison scenes). By end of Ep 9, Fadel’s past remains a mystery (we don’t even know much about his parents/past beyond he had an ex, which he finally told Style about).

So, I am not surprised the scenes for Fadelstyle in Ep 10-11 appears “heavier” when compared to KantBison who are now largely on the same page. We still got amazing scenes like KantBison sweet date in the rock/space museum (and again them continuing to learn about each other – Bison is into astronomy while Kant loves history and archaeology – and isn’t it poetic one loves the sky & stars while the other is rooted to the ground?). The “almost proposal scene” was sweet and yes, it is slightly irritating we have our young interloper (Oskar, you are doing great honey!) killing the mood – I think Jojo meant it as the comedic tone to cut the heaviness in FadelStyle scenes who is finally opening up to Style about how he felt about himself (the self-loathing from Fadel, the way he calmly just told Style – ‘that’s my headstone when I die’ or him telling Style why he goes to the support group meetings etc.)

And it stays true to the boys’ nature – Kant choosing Bison’s date to be lighter and fun because out of the 4 of them, Bison is the more childlike and naïve (him being hitman doesn’t change that). Similarly, it stays true to Fadel’s nature that he chooses to bring Style to his pre-dug graveyard and support group place (or being more physical – like the paintball scene, which is also a nod to the scene in 10 Things I hate about You).

And let me bring even more parallel between the 2 couples:

KantBison heartfelt conversation when Bison talked about the MilkyWay followed by Kant saying he will name a star for Bison so that the latter will be reminded of him. While Bison then softly said he just wants to be in Kant’s heart followed by the scene of them exchanging tattoos (plus Kant saying – The story of you and me will be etched on my skin forever) – that is the equivalent of them exchanging wedding vows and rings (the rings being the penguin/puffins tattoos – did you know penguin/puffins mate for life? I only learn of this fact 😂, and I find it romantic the boys chose them as their matching tattoos. Plus penguin is the safe word for Kant, I’m sure he has also associated it with home)

Similarly, the FadelStyle scene of them cooking together (with Fadel professing he wants to do something he loves with Style) and them having their last dinner meal together through tears – with Style stating he will never forget the taste of the burger. Style narrating the things he will never forget about Fadel – from being shot on the run together to them kissing each other in the sea (doesn’t that read to you like wedding vows a spouse will say before saying “I do”?). Them feeding each other their burgers is the equivalent of them feeding each other wedding cake.

And while you didn’t specifically mention this, I am also very appreciative of the scenes we have of Kant and Style – it really highlights how they are not just besties, but also brothers. The way they beautifully cornered Lilly (Kant/Style looked flawless in those outfits) to them both finding ways to have the upper hand of Captain Christ as a backup plan (Style by making the fake passports while Kant staying true to his nature – slyly obtaining blackmailed material of the captain – and it’s quite telling isn’t it even with them asking for the Captain’s help, both of them instinctively do not trust him, hehe).  Personally, my favourite scene for the whole episode is Style breaking apart in Kant’s arms while Kant is trying hard to hold it together when his heart is also shattered into pieces while their loves ones are taken to prison.

Teaser for Finale/Ep 12 and what I expect to see

Also, anon – we still have EP 12. Not only are we getting our unhinged besties volunteering in prison (unexpected twist by Jojo again!) – I am hoping we will have sex scenes from all 4 boys (or at least heavy make out scenes lol), but one of the assistant director that usually post BTS of the show actually mentioned there are so many BTS photos of FK he wants to put but he could only do so during the finale (which kind of hint that we are getting good scenes from them!)

Plus, Khaotung mentioned in the recent fanmeet, he/First will be slow dancing on stage (and don’t we have the BTS footage of our couples slow dancing in the series)?

Also, don’t forget, we still haven’t got the “sweet scene” of our boys (in their boxers) in Kant’s bed (both Jojo and First confirmed there is another scene on that bed)

Bonus if I can get actual proposals/weddings but otherwise, I will take what we have from Ep 11 as them being married, and they just need to make it official once they are out of prison.

As for your comment on THK will benefit from another 3-4 episodes – look, in general, I think most Thai BLs can benefit from more episodes (The Eclipse was meant to have 14 episodes but due to budget constraint, they had to make do with 12). That’s the reality, while the quality of Thai BLs are improving over time – compared to mainstream media in Thai (we won’t even mentioned Western media), the budgets for Thai BLs/queer media in general are limited. Even more so for the show that Jojo tends to produce. Did you realise his shows doesn’t have or very limited sponsors? (for example, we don’t see Lay chips/Oishi Teas or the boys blatantly putting on sunscreens to “promote” the sponsors of the shows?). And for that, I will forgive some inconsistencies, sloppiness and plot holes because they don’t have bottomless budgets.

***I am going to put here – when Cat for Cash starts airing – see people start complaining about the “ads/sponsors” being on blatant displays during the show when its those ads that supplement the budget for the show

Staying positive regarding FK (and BL world in general)

So, I’m not sure your last sentence has more meaning than just FK general presence in THK? Are you perhaps alluding to fans in Twitter crying war with how jobless FK is when compared to other GMTMV CPs? Or how they don’t have a reality TV show of their own? Or brand sponsorships? Or how Somsoms are not pulling their weight on trending on Twitter? (if you are, well – I have my own thoughts/views of this particular matter, which I am not going to elaborate in this ask).

But, if you are asking how I stay positive in general, I made a promise to myself – if I really dislikes something, I will give myself 24 hours before writing/saying anything I will regret🫣. And most of the time, the things I am angry about just seems trivial after that. I also block a lot of users who are just blatantly prejudice against Thai BL (ok, in general, GMMTV productions) – if you have been in the tumblr long enough, you will know a specific group that should not be named (they are my Voldemort) who prided themselves as unbiased “academics” and write long meta essays that frankly highlights their biases even more.

I also work in the medical field – and well, having to deal with anxious (sometimes very angry) patients/family members means I have abundance of patience (and when I ran out of them, I know it times for me take a holiday 😅)

Anyway, I am always reminded that we consume media for fun – don’t take things so seriously. And personally, FK being their lovely self on social media is enough to make me happy. They have never expressed any hatred/criticism towards their work/GMMTV. I also think it is quite telling that none of the Thai fans have mentioned any dissatisfaction with the scenes we have of FK or series, so far?

(Can’t resist putting up our KantBison pictures hehe)