#idk that was sweet. i've had my doubts about them and i feel like they're a lil bit. pushed. but that softened me abit

[gregoftom]

man wtf don’t get me to start to like connor more and more then have him drop the “i don’t need love it’s like a superpower” on my ass like. tf

[elliewithcellie]

Girl, Interrupted

summary: Eddie crashes by your home when you least expected, but everything happens for a reason, right?

wc: 1.8k

cw: PURE SMUT (MDNI 18+), basically no plot, friends to fwb?, oral (f receiving), Eddie is a tease, fairly bold reader lol, fingering, talk of p in v sex, hair pulling, orgasms idk let me know what else

a/n: my bestie bought me slutty pajamas for my birthday, and since I'm a hypothetical whore, this has been on my mind nonstop. Finally took a break from my spn series to write this down. This is the filthiest thing I've written to date but definitely short and sweet

Eddie’s jaw fell slack as the door opened before him. He knew he shouldn’t have shown up to your place uninvited. Sure, you were his best friend, and of course, you had said he could come over whenever, but that never truly meant unannounced. He was already kicking himself for showing up as late as he did when you opened the door.

Your oh so short pajama shorts were the first thing that caught his eye, how your thighs spilled out beneath them, the cotton begging for relief. His eyes trailed higher to your tank top one size too small. The hem rested just above your midriff, the outline of your hips more prominent than he had ever seen. Your face was flush, pinks and reds lining your cheeks. He fought the urge to pinch himself, scared that he was dreaming, scared that he’d wake up to the absence of you and very real feelings emerging.

“Eddie? What are you doing here?” you asked, your arms crossing over your chest. “I thought you had a date.”

Date, what date? Eddie’s mind was going numb. His brain was flatlining at the mere sight of you, more exposed to him than he’d ever seen you. Fight or flight kicked in, debating on whether to say something or just turn around and leave. He was almost sure he was not supposed to see you in this state.

“I—uhh—it didn’t go well, so I cut it short. But I know you love the place, so I figured I’d bring over the leftovers.”

“Oh, sweet. Thank you.”

Eddie hesitated, scared to ask, but his interest piqued. “Is someone—you’re alone right now, right?”

Your eyebrows pinched together. You exhaled a dry laugh. “Please, I’m always alone. Come in. Tell me about your date.”

You ushered Eddie inside and settled into your couch. You pulled a blanket over you, and Eddie released a sigh. He couldn’t believe the hold you suddenly had on him. It was like he was in high school again, ready to combust at the sight of a shoulder. At least with your legs covered, he was less inclined to think about spreading them.

“Was it really that bad?” you asked, drawing Eddie from his thoughts.

“She was just so boring,” Eddie complained. “Like, there’s nothing wrong with her, but it was like we were from different planets! She didn’t know Metallica! How am I supposed to bond with someone when there’s nothing to relate to?”

“Did you think of showing her?”

“Showing her what?”

“Metallica!” you laughed. “Wouldn’t that be kind of romantic, you know, to introduce that to her? Maybe tell her you’re in a band? It’d be like showing her a whole new world. And maybe you’d get a groupie out of it.”

Eddie swatted at the air. “It’s not worth it. We were both bored. And it was clear she wasn’t looking to rock with a guitarist.”

“Oh, I highly doubt that.”

“You didn’t meet her. She’s pristine, a Chrissy Cunningham type. Meant to be with a lawyer or some shit.”

You leaned in closer to Eddie, your blanket sliding down your thighs. “Those are the girls who fantasize about guys like you the most. Those girls on the straight and narrow, the ones who seemed destined to be sweet stay-at-home moms or perfect career women, those are the ones who dream of just one night doing something they never thought they could. Something so wild that when they’re taking their kids to soccer practice, or their ‘perfect husband’ is asleep on the recliner while they're doing the dishes, they can think back to that wild night when they fucked a rockstar.”

Eddie’s lip trembled as chills coursed through his body. You leaned back against the couch and shrugged like what you said was nothing. You had to be on something, he decided. Never had you been so frank when the topic of sex came up. Your face was still flushed with color, and you couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position on the couch, shifting yourself from one side to the other to no specific rhythm. Heat radiated off of you, though you weren’t known to be the furnace between the two of you. Something struck Eddie as so foreign but so familiar as he took you in.

“Would you fuck a rockstar?” Eddie found himself saying.

Heat rose to your cheeks. “Do I seem like one of those straight-and-narrow girls to you?”

“That’s not what I asked,” Eddie said, a newfound confidence overtaking him. “You came up with that way too fast to act like you don’t think of it, too. So, would you fuck a rockstar?”

You bit your lip and shifted in your seat. You huffed into the couch. “Wouldn’t anyone?”

“Why so shy all of a sudden?” Eddie asked, egging you on. “You’ve been squirming since I got here, sweetheart. Is something on your mind?”

Your eyes trailed from his eyes to his lips, then back to his eyes. “Tonight is not the night to ask me that.”

“Why is that?” Eddie chuckled. “Were you in the middle of something? Was something left unfinished when I so rudely interrupted? And now all you can think about is the ache between your legs?”

You shuddered at his words. “Eddie,” you said, your voice shaking.

“I could help you.” Eddie leaned closer, his words almost a whisper. “Because I may not be a rockstar, but I’m sure I could give you the night of your life.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. “Don’t tease me. It’s not funny.”

“No one’s laughing.” Eddie pulled the blanket back, his hands resting on your thighs. Your legs slightly opened on instinct. “What kind of friend would I be, huh? If I didn’t at least offer?”

Eddie didn’t know where this bravado came from, but he didn’t care. All he knew was the longer you looked at him like that, the harder he got.

You grabbed him by his shirt and forced his lips on yours. Nothing soft or sweet came from your lips. You were needy and desperate, clinging to him like he was the air in your lungs.

The urgency shocked Eddie, but he quickly found your rhythm. He smirked against your lips as he pulled his jacket off. His hands snaked from your thighs to your hips to your ass, lifting you onto his lap. You groaned into his mouth as he rolled you against him.

He was sure he was dreaming now. Only there did he ever picture you above him, grinding your hips into his. Only there did he imagine you moaning from his touch. But never were his dreams this vivid, this real, this fucking good.

He pulled you from him and pushed you back onto the couch. You whined at the loss of contact. He’d never seen your eyes so dark, so lustful, so hungry for him.

He slid down to the floor onto his knees and pulled you to the edge of the couch. “You still want my help, sweetheart?”

You nodded emphatically.

“I need to hear you, baby. Say it.”

“Please help me, Eddie. I need you. Please.”

“Atta girl.”

You lifted yourself up as Eddie pulled your shorts down your legs. Eddie’s cock jumped at the sight of you. He bit his lip to maintain what little composure he had left.

“Aww, your poor little pussy’s just as needy as you, isn’t she?” He spread your knees apart, the cold metal on his fingers sending chills up your spine. The throbbing between your legs only intensified, a small whimper escaping your lips.

Eddie couldn’t wait any longer. There was no time for teasing, no time to explore. You needed him, and he was going to deliver.

He dove into your aching pussy like a man starved. You jumped at the contact, your hands flying to his hair. His tongue worked overtime, kitten-licking your clit before diving in for more.

“You taste so good, sweetheart,” he said, smiling against you. You moaned in response, grabbing a fistful of his hair and pulling him closer.

Your sounds turned him on even more, searching for his own release as he rubbed himself against the couch. His mind was in a daze, in utter disbelief that anyone could look so perfect for him with your legs spread and your back arched. Your chest rose and fell to the rhythm of his tongue, and your lips formed a perfect ‘o’. Oh, how Eddie wanted to feel your lips around his cock. How you’d sink down on him, your perfect innocent mouth being completely sinful just for him.

He placed a finger at your entrance and pumped in and out, his thumb now circling your clit. Your head fell back. “God, yes, Eddie. Just like that.”

“I need you to do something for me, baby,” Eddie said as he added a second finger.

“Wha—what’s that?” you asked, breathless.

“I need you to tell me what you think of when you get off. Tell me what you were thinking of before I showed up at your door.”

“I—I oh god,” you shouted as Eddie’s lips found your clit. “I—I thought about you on your fucking date.”

“Oh fuck,” Eddie groaned into your pussy, the vibrations shooting up your spine.

“I pictured you fucking her from behind, her skirt hiked up to her hips, her panties to the side as you fucked her in front of the bathroom mirror.”

“Fucking C—Christ,” Eddie stuttered, his hips rutting into the couch faster. “Keep going.”

“Then it was me you were fucking. You grabbed me by the hair, so I could watch what you were doing to me,” you said, your voice shaking with every word. “Eddie, please. I’m close. Please.”

“Come on, baby. You can do it. Tell me what I was doing to you.” He was past dreaming at this point. He was sure this was heaven. Hearing your words had him reeling. He didn’t want to stop, didn't know how to stop. He just knew he needed to see you come.

Your lip trembled. “Your hands were all over me, playing with my tits, your lips on my neck, and—and your big cock pounding into me over and oh-ver and—and Fuck! Eddie, don’t stop! Please, please, please!”

Your orgasm crashed down on you, expletives and Eddie’s name on your lips. Eddie continued to pump his fingers in and out of you like a madman as he lapped up your cum.

“Oh god, oh fuck!” he moaned against you.

You pushed his head off of you and caught your breath. Eddie took a breath, too, leaning back against his heels. You pulled him back up to you and kissed him, tasting yourself on your lips.

“That… was so hot,” Eddie said, releasing a breath.

“Can it be my turn to help you?” you asked, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

Eddie’s cheeks rouged slightly, his eyes trailing to the growing wet spot on his jeans. “I had a turn already,” he said, guilt painting his words. He leaned in toward you, a devilish smirk joining his features. “But I’m not done with you. Not yet.”

[i-heart-hxh]

Hi! I have a question, between the two versions of the anime, which one do you think was more faithful to the manga when it comes to the personalities of Gon and Killua? I've recently finished watching the 99 anime and I really enjoyed it, but idk if this is an unpopular opinion, but sometimes i felt like some of the characters were a little bit ooc, people usually talk about how the Killua of the 99 anime is so different to the Killua from 2011, but I also felt that Gon was really different in both animes, in the 99 version sometimes he was kinda shy or doubtful, like he was too passive, where as in the 2011 anime he seems overall more confident except for the times where he doubts about his self-worth, like after Hisoka didn't take the tag back during the hunter exam, in the 2011 version it also feels like when they are doing something even if the plan wasn't his, like going to Heaven's Arena, Gon is the one taking the lead and deciding how he is going to do things, idk if I'm making sense lol, the point is that he is a little bit more assertive while still being a sweet boy in the 2011 version while in the 99 version he is mostly just a sweet boy at least to me, I'm really interested in getting your thoughts about this topic, sorry for the long post 😅.

Thank you for sending this, it's definitely an interesting thing to discuss and something I've thought about quite a bit myself! Going to go on for a bit right back at you, haha.

Gon and Killua's characterization is actually a major reason for why I have mixed feelings about the 1999 anime. It has some wonderful strengths--like the beautiful cel animation, creative visual direction, more realistic character designs, unique (and darker) atmosphere, some great OPs/EDs, and a lovely soundtrack, among other things. But there are a few different aspects that I'm not a big fan of, and the changes to Gon and Killua's characters are at the top of my list.

First off, I want to say that to an extent I understand why Gon and Killua are characterized differently. Not much of the manga was out when 1999 was made, so the staff could only work with (essentially) the first impressions of the characters, and the anime had to expand into filler/anime-only material to prevent it from catching up with the manga and running out of things to adapt, so to a degree the staff had no choice but to get creative. The artistic liberties they took aren't always a bad thing. I even like some of the additions they made. But I do think some of the choices they made to deviate from the source material--and some of them were definitely not necessary--lead to them being much flatter characters in 1999 than in the manga itself.

This whole paragraph requires some oversimplification so bear with me, but I feel like in 1999, Gon is characterized as too much of a "good boy," while with Killua they lean too much into his "bad boy" side. Leaning into these stereotypes runs counter to what I love about these two, which is that they're both complex and have mixed lighter/darker attributes that feel somewhat "balanced" between them ultimately, and by the end of CAA they have essentially switched positions with regards to their respective light and darkness. They both have strong light sides and strong dark sides contained within them, which is part of why they get along so well even when they're as different as they are. To make Gon more passive and sweet (as you said, which I agree with) and Killua more edgy and bratty makes the relationship feel much more unequal and, to me, uninteresting.

I love Gon's assertiveness, strong-willed nature, and feral and scary sides, and Killua's softer, more vulnerable, and more childish sides, as well as other sides to them we see in canon, so having those toned down makes me sad.

One small example of a change that has always bothered me in 1999 is that they had Gon introduce himself to Killua when they first meet, and Killua even ignores him initially when he tries to introduce himself. While the scene isn't drastically different, I think it's incredibly important in establishing Killua's character that he introduces himself first and is so eager to get to know Gon. He desperately wants a friend! This is a vital basis for his character and motivations! There are a number of decisions in 1999 like this, where some deviation is made to make the characters more straightforward/fitting an archetype, and it would just be a small thing if not for how carefully constructed and extremely intentional Togashi's writing is, and how delicate the balance is with their characterization in the original series.

I'm personally not a fan of how much bigger and older Killua seems in 1999 compared to Gon as well--at times it feels like there must be an age gap of 3-4 years, which is weird to me with two characters where an important aspect of their relationship is that they're the same age. In the early parts of the manga, there was a bigger height gap between them as well (though it gets less and less with time), but even taking that into consideration, the strongly emphasized size difference is odd to me. (I know some people find it cute and that's fine, this is just my own preference!)

That said, I still do enjoy a lot of their scenes in 1999, even some of the added ones! I just don't think the way their characters are portrayed comes off nearly as layered/fascinating/well-balanced as in the manga and therefore in 2011 (which more-or-less closely follows the manga, with some exceptions). I consider 1999 its own alternate canon and any changes/additions only canon within that universe. (Though some of the additions I like can go under "Headcanon accepted!" status for me, LOL.)

2011 does have some small deviations from the manga too, and I do think there are subtle differences in the characterization vs the manga, but 2011 and the manga are much closer to each other overall and the characters are essentially the same at least, with only small exceptions.

So anyway, I definitely agree with what you said about their respective characterizations, and it's something that bugs me, too. There are a lot of aspects I appreciate about 1999, but I'm actually glad I didn't start with it for multiple reasons, and it's a pretty mixed bag for me overall.

[yuseirra]

At least Ai and Hikaru have stuff going on in canon like Ai having said she really wanted to live forever with him... That she wanted to share his burdens and wanted to raise their kids together, have a future with her guy.. Isn't that so loving? Isn't that so sweet. She did everything for him.

I wouldn't have drawn them in the first place if those words didn't come straight from Ai's mouth. For me, it's Ai's say on this that's really sold it for me because it meant so much. To realize she really loved him so much.

And her guy thinks he was only alive when he had Ai with him and he's willing to sacrifice his life for her... That he can't live without her, yeah there is NO WAY I wouldn't have had a heart for a relationship like that. I'll never regret having found good things about them. I'm always nuts about characters who care deeply about one another and share an unseverable bond. They did a really wonderful job formulating their character and I still appreciate it a lot... That's how I've been able to draw so many of them in the first place. They're so confusing.. But I still could/can find so many things about them. It's great.

But the authors better do them justice. They're also victims of child abuse and reflect the real pains of what people actually go through in an industry, I want them to handle them with care because what they carry is heavy.

And I see it. I know they can do it. I know how they can take away a meaningful message regarding these guys, I can do it, so I know they can, they're way more capable and skilled than I am. They can write a good story, so they should just do it.

But there's so little left. Late, too. Even a real god may not be able to save this work, who knows. I wish something happens so I'll willingly buy the final volume of this piece. I want that to happen so I keep expressing my feelings about it, if I had none left, I'd have just moved on. I know what it's capable of. It's right there...I see it. So I hope they do it.

If they don't...then, I've studied this piece pretty hard so I'll probably be able to think of something. It won't be comparable or nearly as good but, that's also something I can do. The bright side is that since there's only a single chapter left- that'd mean.. Things won't flip that drastically within the remaining pages(idk if that's a good or bad thing but for hikaru fans ehh...I doubt things would get any worse than it is because they're STILL keeping that stance that what he's contributed is STILL pretty vague. It's STILL speculations?? So what the heck did he do. Like...why make him say he "didn't do anything" and "didn't want anyone to get hurt" before they dunk him in the waters. What was the point in that. Call me stubborn but nothing about this guy is STILL CLEAR...)

It's really interesting how I still haven't given up on them but who knows... I'd love to start working on my own stories too soon! I wish to complete at least 5 before I die, I want to make 10+ and more!! This work helped me draw so much and so willingly and eagerly, I AM grateful for it.. I really want it to end well. Because I liked it. I want to wish it well...

Oh please just don't make Ryosuke and Nino out of all people be Kamiki's victim I think I know why it appears like it that way rn but THAT has to be overturned before this series has to go. That's what I want in the last chapter, I want them to do that in the very least. That's the BARE minimum for this work to remain meaningful and decent in my eyes I hope I'm not asking for much. I am not.

[local-writer]

Okay so Trolls has become my new hyperfixation (mostly the third movie), and I ADORE Poppy and Branch so much 💖 their relationship is so precious to me, they're my comfort ship fr <3 so I hope you enjoy this lil Broppy post where I ramble about some of my favorite scenes. :D Beware though, this will have some spoilers for Trolls Band Together! Don't read if you haven't watched it yet!

I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THE WAY HE'S LOOKING AT HER WHILE SHE'S ALL EXCITED. He's so in love with her I can't 😭

I really adored this little moment. You can really see how much he loves and adores Poppy. But it wasn't just his expression that I loved here, it was also the fact that there is so much love and trust between them that he wasn't upset at her for fangirling over meeting Clay, a former member of her favorite band. I know this is probably silly- why would he be angry at his girlfriend for being excited, right? Unfortunately, I know people who would be pissed at their significant other and accuse them of wanting and/or thirsting for the person they were previously excited to meet, even though it was nothing like that at all, just pure excitement. I've seen many toxic relationships within my family, and seeing these two act like a REAL couple who love and trust one another just makes me melt. Branch obviously feels safe and secure in his relationship with Poppy, and doesn't doubt her feelings for him at all. I wish I had seen healthy relationships like this growing up, I would have a bit more hope if I had. 🥲

ANYWAYS

LOOK AT THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HEEEERRRRR

I WILL NEVER NOT SCREAM ABOUT THIS.

There isn't a particular reason why I like this scene, I just adore the way he looks at Poppy <3

I REALLY LOVE THIS SCENE BECAUSE LIKE- I FEEL LIKE THIS MOMENT IS KIND OF IMPORTANT FOR BRANCH.

Like, he hasn't seen any of his brothers in years, and one would assume that he would want this little bonding moment with his brothers. And ofc he does, he still loves his brothers, but he wants to share this special moment with Poppy as well, the most important person in his life. Plus, he knows how much she loves to sing, so I have a feeling he knew just what she was thinking and wanted to dance and sing with his favorite person. <3

I think I'm so attached to these two because they have such a sweet relationship that in my opinion, is realistic and what relationships should be (the love and respect, I mean). I know that movies don't show the real struggles that happen in a relationship, and I know the difference between reality and fiction, but I feel like Trolls did a pretty good job. Relationships should be treated as, well, relationships. Trust is extremely important in a relationship, as well as self love.

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST LOVE EACH OTHER ANYMORE, WHY ARE THEY SO POSSESSIVE?!?! That's a lot of the reason why some relationships just don't work out. That and low self esteem. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE ELSE, THIS IS TRUE SHIT PEOPLE.

Sorry, idk how I drifted off of the topic of the ship lmao.

Can you tell that I'm totally normal about these two fictional characters? From a kids movie??

[misc-obeyme]

😭 okay attempt number two writing this because i accidentally closed the Tumblr app while in the middle of writing and lost my progress- I'M SO SAD

Mammon is desperately trying to convince them to not visit the record shop, even contradicting himself. Says they shouldn't be the first customers right at opening, that's rude. Or saying it's probably really busy and they should just hang out here. Goes as far as offering free stuff but only if they stay. None of this works.

I bet Belphie has the biggest grin on his face as they leave, with Mammon halfway through following them out the door to hold them back himself. But he can't leave his cafe unattended. He's so worried they'll embarrass him somehow.

Cue them arriving to the shop and I look up to say hi/welcome but I'm currently very occupied trying to make bracelets. And of course I don't recognize them from the cafe because eye contact? Who's she? I don't know her. I'm mostly better about it with people I know, but if I get embarrassed about something I can't hold it 😭 (No doubt Mammon and Solomon would totally do something like a chin grab.)

Anyway Belphie is having the time of his life looking through everything. Finds two CD's he swears he couldn't find anywhere online for anything less than $80. And some records he hasn't had time to order. This has become his new favorite place. Beel is happily carrying everything, very glad he researched beforehand.

They come up to pay and I very awkwardly make space on the counter, apologizing for the mess. Up close, Belphie confirms that he recognizes the bracelets. Even recognizes some lyrics/songs.

"You're going to the concert too?"

That one question gets me very excited and feel instantly less awkward. I start rambling about how it's gonna be my first concert, I'm so excited, it's my favorite band. Until I remember myself and cut myself off because wow I should not be talking two strangers ears off.

"It's okay. Our older brother is the same way with anime. We're used to it."

Beel saying that makes me feel even more embarrassed, but it's the thought that counts. I squint at him for a second because he looks familiar but I shrug it off. I ask if they're brothers too and Beel nods and confirms they're twins.

After checking them out, I offer them one of the bracelets I've already made. Belphie was already eyeing an infinity on high themed bracelet. Beel chooses Death Valley because it's one of the few songs he recognizes because it makes for good workout music. I end up giving them a pair of "Half-doomed/Semi-Sweet" bracelets because they said they were twins. They can have matching bracelets. (Belphie immediately hands the semi-sweet one to Beel).

Before they leave, Belphie catches sight of my "cursed" records display. He rolls his eyes and asks who would buy something like that. I shrug and say "You'd be surprised. I have someone who buys one every time he comes in."

It's only after they leave that I realize I didn't get their names, a contact, or anything. I may or may not yell into my hands because "I COULD'VE HAD KINDA FRIENDS TO GO WITH IF I'D ASKED THEM !! WHY DIDN'T I ASK?!" Now I'm still stuck going alone </3 (or so I think.)

I feel like Belphie would definitely show off his purchase to the family group chat. Beel shows off a photo of their hands next to each other with the new bracelets and says they made a new friend. Mammon is sending angry emojis.

"OI! Y'ALL BETTER NOT HAVE BOTHERED HER !! 🤬 I'LL KICK YOUR ASSES IF I HEAR ANYTHING!!"

Belphie will NOT be letting him live down his interest in this girl he was so desperate to keep them away from. Sending that message in the group chat was the worst idea actually because now EVERYONE is asking who he's talking about. Rip Mammon they're all questioning him.

GAH OKAY MY BUS STOP IS NEXT, I WAS WRITING THIS ON THE WAY TO WORK, AJWJDJF UM UM UM NEXT PART PRE CONCERT SHENANIGANS? OUTFIT PICKING? IDK WE'LL SEE AAA HAVE A GOOD DAY OKAY BYEE THIS WAS SO RUSHED

OH YEAH NEXT INSTALLMENT.

Belphie is such a little punk I love him. And BEEL trying to make you feel better, but only making you feel worse what a guy~

They're talking about Levi, you're talking about Lucifer, Mammon's freaking out in the group chat lkasdjfk.

I love everything about it!

Ohhh I'm so excited about the reaction when you realize you'll be with Mammon and Solomon for the concert!!!

Ahh this is so cute, I love it. I'm excited for whatever comes next!

[claudiajcregg]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @mihrsuri. Thanks, Lil! I feel like I've answered these in the not-so-distant past, and might have accidentally ignored one or more tags. Oops. I need to check the Mentions tab and check it out!

(I also started writing this… earlier this week, and forgot about the tab. Sorry this is so so long.)

01. how many works do you have on ao3? 24 fics, though one of them has eight ficlets… So some would count it as 31. (It's still 24.)

02. what's your total ao3 word count? 167,815 words

03. what fandoms do you write for? TWW.

04. top five fics by kudos?

maybe everything's just turning out how it should be

(big gulf here)

say it's here where our pieces fall in place

just your smile lit a sixty-watt bulb in my house that was darkened for days

nobody knows how to get back home

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it 

05. do you respond to comments? Yes! I try to get to all of them, and feel bad when I hoard them (because they're lovely) or they slip through the cracks. (I tend to wait some time before replying to the comments on my most recent fic, so if anything comes in later, it might be immediate or two months late.)

06. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I feel like I always struggle with this answer because they're mostly hopeful endings! Which is just my perception and now how it is. Tempted to go check what I've answered in the past.

Most recently, I think what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy has that 'right person, wrong time', on borrowed time vibes. But maybe not! My go-to answer always feels like my post-Portland Trip fic, don't want you to go but I'll be okay, because it feels so final and bittersweet then.

07. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh, which one should I pick? I think the Cali/Jan 22nd fic from earlier this year (oh, and I will be with you to feel the California sun) is just pure happiness, tbh. Memoir fic (still you never took your hand from mine) also feels like a saccharine, sweet ending! (Could've also picked the literal wedding reception-set fic, lol.)

08. do you get hate on fic? No! Luckily. If I have, I don't remember. I've gotten a weird comment or two, but those weren't about the fics. So no!

09. do you write smut? Nooooo, of course not. (This is the last time I'll beg you to read on main and that's under a cut lol.) Up till now I could say it was mild scenes in yet-to-be-posted fics, which remains true, but I posted a literal smutty fic last Friday, lol. I'm proud of it and myself, for getting out of my comfort zone, and while it's flopping I'm glad those who've read it liked it!

10. craziest cross over? This is the question that undoubtedly makes me go “lol I've definitely done this before.” Because I always joke that I've already seen the craziest canon crossovers on screen. That said, I haven't personally written one, and don't have ideas.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? No? Sometimes I wonder if some ideas have been borrowed but wouldn't say stolen.

12. have you ever had a fic translated? No! Maybe one day I'll do it myself. (I don't think there's demand for it/Spanish-written fics in this fandom.) (Once again, I'm sure that this answer matches the previous ones.)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? Sounds fun! No. But anyone interested? hmu.

14. all-time favorite ship? In what sense? I cannot choose, but at the same time… We all know.

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I don't like putting this energy out in the universe. It's one thing to post (that's probably a long list) but actual WIPs that are worth it? I want to believe I'll get to them eventually. (But. Unfortunately, the answer is many of them.)

16. what are your writing strengths? Internal world? As in, I am “good” at describing the internal world of a character. idk.

17. what are your writing weaknesses? I write in my second language. I feel like everything's a weakness. (World building, descriptions, dialogue.)

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language? As long as it doesn't take the reader out (and makes sense in the story), 👍 I might have peppered in some Spanish in some of my writing but it feels wrong somehow.

19. first fandom you wrote in? Bones.

20. favorite fic you've written? I cannot pick a favorite child. I can affectionately call them flops because they mostly are, stats-wise, but there's something about them that I love. And I feel like some of my favorite stuff is what's not yet posted! Because it stops feeling “mine” once it's out there.

don't want you to go but I'll be okay · Portland fic · my automatic answer because I felt it was special the second I finished it. So many things came together (that quote, particularly).

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it · St Augustine, a precanon campaign fic ·(Any of the first four (posted in 2021) is super special to me. This one was another one I knew would be special. And it has big “there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you” energy.

your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep · (3+1 fic set in the last third of S7, ft the press corps) · Taylor sang KOMH on N2 because she loved this. I just know it. (I just really love secret relationships/working around that S7 period so much.)

nobody knows how to get back home · itsotg missing scen) · I just like it a lot, and it's also a good candidate for angsty ending. When did it get so many kudos?!

maybe everything's just turning out how it should be · big block of cheese 2008 · felt disingenuous not to include the fic I always knew I wanted to post, even if it's another early one. It's my most popular by a huge margin, and I'm glad.

I so wanted to add fics like the Cali one but this always depends on my mood! So this is the answer that might always change haha.

Shoutout to some unposted ones that I love but won't get published. Or others perpetually in limbo, like the two big multichapters (IM and S5 pregnancy). I feel like some of my best stuff is in What Once Was Ours (the IM AU fic I wrote in 2021), or the S5 Pregnancy AU (which I hope to finish this summer! And I want to start posting once I feel like I'll make that deadline)… And I'm currently really fond of one I've started to call “demons that you know raise hell worse than a stranger.” Coming to you soon, if I get my crap together!

[louisaguy]

my thoughts on the river/louisa thing

this is not a post saying that anyone should agree with these thoughts, or that any other take is wrong. just getting my feelings out because everyone keeps talking about it lol.

some spoilers for later books (i'm not sure which one bc i haven't read them lol i'm just going off things i've heard)

oh BOY, am i conflicted about the idea of river/louisa going romantic. the thing is, i love their relationship so so so much as it is now. i don't think turning a platonic relationship romantic always HAS to ruin it, but... it's also true that there's no quicker way to get me to hate two characters i previously loved than with an unnecessary romantic subplot. i think their relationship-- especially the way louisa treats river-- is really unique and interesting right now, and i worry that that uniqueness would be dampened or overwritten if they went romantic. i love how louisa really, deeply cares about him, but also doesn't hesitate to be honest to the point of bluntness with him; see "i think he used you. a lot. and i think if it were the other way around, he wouldn't really care." (that scene still obsesses me. she's so caring with him, so defensive of him, and yet at the same time she doesn't sugarcoat anything to make him feel better. she's blunt in saying what he doesn't want to hear but she's doing it in order to defend him, because she cares so deeply about him).

i worry that if they were paired together, that dynamic would change, and they would fall into a more stock relationship, one that would damage louisa's character in particular, either taking the teeth out of her and making her overly sweet, or pushing her into the typical "nagging wife" stereotype... y'know, always fussing at him, criticizing him for doing dumb shit. that's my fear about what might happen. but, to be perfectly honest, i don't think it will. the show writers have been really good about treating their characters with a lot of respect (more so than the books sometimes do [i read the first book and have seen snippets of the others].... lol), so i honestly am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. if they wanna go in a river/louisa direction, i'm not gonna be NOOOO about it, i'm gonna see where they're going with this. i trust them to be able to make it work in a way that doesn't step on louisa's character. i mean, my best case scenario for romantic river/louisa is that their relationship is like identical to how it is now but they just kiss sometimes LMAO. i'd be cool with that! that sounds good to me!

i will say that i am almost rooting for river/louisa a little bit? solely because i don't want river/sid LMAO. i haven't read the later books, but i heard through the grapevine that in the books she comes back and her and river get together. i really hope that's something the show diverges from, bc i really DON'T WANT that. i know it's not really fair to judge sid against all the other characters who we've had whole seasons to get to know, since she was really only in the first 3 eps, but i found sid to be very boring. idk, maybe she'd be better if she came back and they had more time to flesh her out, but what we've seen of her so far? she feels very cookie cutter to me. like she's just there to be river's manic pixie dream girl. which like... boring. seen it before. i'd MUCH rather stick with what river and louisa have going on.

the only way i could see myself enjoying sid is if she gets to have a character and an arc and an internal world completely divorced from being river's gf... like if she came back and had several seasons on her OWN telling her own stories before she was paired with river. that's the only way i could see myself being ok with it.

but hey, y'know who's already had several seasons on her own not paired with river when she's allowed to develop her own arcs and internal world? louisa. which is why i think the idea of them getting together is something i'm willing to try out, at the very least-- i'm willing to trust that the writers are good enough to their characters that she will be allowed to KEEP having an internal world outside of river even if they got together. the writers have been very good to their characters so far. i'm willing to keep trusting them, for now.

i mean, look. the long and short of it is, if i was in total and complete control, i would want no romantic relationships for river. no romantic relationships for anyone in the cast, really. because i find them quite often to be overly reliant on stock relationship types that make the stories being told feel often a bit cookie cutter or repetitive... that's just my opinion. there are so so SO many good and interesting and fascinating stories being told here between the platonic relationships-- any combo of the slow horses makes me literally insane to think about. river and louisa, shirley and marcus, catherine and lamb, lamb and RIVER, even coe and shirley now... i think there's so many varied and unique types of relationships at play in this one little fucked up family unit, i'd love to explore those more rather than wasting time on a romantic subplot that, more likely than not, is going to feel identical to 10 other couples on TV right now (TO ME).

so, if i get total dictator control, i say no romance. but if we MUST have a romantic subplot for river-- which, ok, he's the conventionally attractive lead, i suppose it was inevitable even if i don't have to like it sigh-- i would much rather have him paired with the person he's had two and a half seasons to build his relationship with (though they didn't interact this season nearly as much as i wanted them to rip) and who he thus has an already established deep bond and really interesting dynamic with.... rather than his MPDG from season 1. sorry i'm not looking forward to sid coming back lmao. part of me hopes they change it and just don't bring her back at all. (i mean the actress is on house of the dragon now and that's blowing up, so who knows if they even have a contract with her to GET her back...)

(i'd be equally worried about them slotting louisa into a role that used to be occupied by sid in the books-- louisa and sid are NOT the same character and i'd worry about louisa feeling un-louisa-like when making decisions that originally belonged to sid... but again, i have a lot of faith in the writers to make it work. i think i can trust them to justify why louisa would make these decisions too and make it still feel true to her character.)

anyway. tldr; top choice river isn't paired with anyone and i keep getting to enjoy my little gen sandbox of slough house. but if he must be paired with someone, i'd like it to be louisa (just make it their current relationship but they kiss sometimes! that's allowed!).

(to be honest, putting the romance of it all aside, i do think river and louisa could make very good life partners... i could see them moving in together, helping each other keep their lives together lol. and i think it would be very sweet to see them continue to build those lives into the future with each other-- planning around each other, y'know, putting each other first. but i digress. to me, all of that is a completely separate thing from their relationship being romantic or not. it could happen either way.)

(also this doesn't really have to do with the thing in the trailer bc i've been thinking these thoughts for A While and louisa didn't even look into the kiss in the trailer anyway lmao, i just. i've seen everyone talking about this lately and it's made me want to get my thoughts out)

(if you've made it to the end of this long ass ramble, thank you for reading, ily, have a cookie 🍪)

[agalnamedlunasea]

Tokomaru wedding, please. I need the wholesomeness.

Hi anon! I apologize this ask has taken me. Uh. Weeks to answer. But I have been rotating it in my mind the whole time.

I don't necessarily know that they would get married honestly? I think after they had been dating for a long while the topic would come up, but I don't know that they would feel like they need to? They love eachother, and they'd been committed to eachother even before they dated, so holding a ceremony would feel unnecessary to them. Additionally I doubt they'd really have that many people to invite? Like. The thh survivors, maybe the woh if they'd cultivated a good relationship eventually, and hiroko i suppose? But that's about it. Considering Toko’s attitude toward people in general, that kinda feels like a generous guest list. Also the world would still be in recovery mode post- tragedy, so supplies to even have a wedding would be slim, and idk that they'd want to enough to try despite that. Idk I'm just not sure it would necessarily happen.

If it *did* though, I think they'd have something like a courthouse wedding. It'd be spontaneous and incredibly simple. Im almost imagining something like Ron's wedding from Parks and Rec? Like maybe they find out that theres an office at future foundation or whatever thats officiating weddings again, and Komaru asks Toko to marry her right then and there. They'd be super sweet and mushy about it (" I've already decided I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I don't want to wait another minute to make it official" etc) , and they run down to the office hand in hand, they barely manage to tell makoto and get him there to see the whole thing (he's a lil antsy about it not being like a normal wedding but he still cries). They're officially married very quickly, with no one around but makoto and the officiant, but they like that more than a normal ceremony. It feels like it's just for them. They get rings later, and they get congratulations from their friends, and everything is very lowkey.

...

However i can't resist wanting to draw them in normal wedding clothes so I also have this

I just think they're cute

[kittenintheden]

tagged by @aevallare and @cursedhaglette my beloveds <3

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

15

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 307,670

3) What fandoms do you write for?

Soul Eater formally and Baldur's Gate 3 currently

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Not Your Sweetheart - BG3, F!OC/Astarion

Closer to God - BG3, F!Tav/Astarion

You Can Read Me Anything - BG3, F!Tav/Astarion

Teenage Dirtbags - Soul Eater, Soul/Maka

Ethics Review - BG3, F!Tav/Astarion

5) Do you respond to comments?

I try to reply to all of them, yes! If I miss one it is an oversight and not a slight.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't write angsty endings who the fuck do you think I am I write this shit to feel good lmao (I do write angst, I just don't. Leave it there. Usually.) I guess Where were you, when I was new? if you squint.

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Take On Me, I suppose? Most of my fics tend to end pretty en media res, so they're not really ENDED ykwim. This is a cop-out answer.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? I've certainly gotten a few folks who Missed The Point Entirely but it didn't really feel like hate tbh.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

lol yes. The vampire got me acting up. I have written sweet to nasty where he's involved.

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Only once and it was Soul Eater and Empire Records lmao. It was good I don't care.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge but I also haven't really looked.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Into Italian once.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've done bangs where I worked alongside artists as their writer, so in that sense, yes.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

IDK it's probably honestly SoMa in my heart but I truly enjoy so many.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Budding Trees. I had such plans for that fic. Then life happened. Alas.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I kick dialogue's ass and I'm pretty good at hitting plot beats.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Repetitiveness, getting bogged down in detail.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I will do it for fake languages (see: elvish) and I'll occasionally portray bilingual characters who incorporate their native language, but full-on dialogue? Not really. There is so much nuance in a native language that I don't feel I could do justice unless I'm fluent.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Dawson's Creek. Shut your mouth.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

Not Your Sweetheart has achieved a special status in my heart, I will admit. But honestly if I didn't love it I probably wouldn't post it, so I have feelings about most of my work.

I will tag @brain-rot-central, @cinnamontails-ff, @olivedrop, and uh whoever else wants to grab it honestly.

[penpaperandbooks]

Sketching Life

25/10/2023, 7:13 PM

Dear Diary,

The lights on the street just flickered on, quite late at seven in the evening, but I'm glad they did. A few days back they didn't at all. A lot happened this week, but I'm glad it did because... drumroll, please... I have my own place now! :))

Funded partly by my parents, of course, but I am going to pay them back, even if they won't hear anything of it. They're staying over for a few days but Renu has college starting soon so they're leaving quickly.

It is a bit daunting, you know? I mean, the only time I've 'lived alone' was... never, now that I think about it. To be responsible for myself, and make sure I am taken care of -- that's a tall order, no? haha

Putting aside all my fears and whatnot -- I always feel that, don't I? Every time I do something new? -- I'm excited to have my own little safe space, a place where I don't need to think of what to put up on my wall or get confirmation from all of them before buying something.

Just thinking of all the stuff I could do, oh, it's so exciting! The kitchen is so cute and gets a ton of sunlight, so I'm going to put some small plants up there, maybe some creepers, perhaps a peace lily, I've still not decided.

And the 'living room' -- it's just a small sectioning from the dining hall -- a painting from Renu, and to its side a tall bookshelf, with hooks for catching the fairy lights I'll put on it. I don't think I need a TV, but a projector screen would be enough.

And my room -- that's nothing big, a small desk just for storage (as if I use the desk), a bed (idk I'm still thinking about that) but get this -- the window is hugeee so I'm going to get some lightweight curtains, hang them on and make the windows the swinging open type, not the rolling ones.

makes for easy access, y'know?

25/10/2023, 8:42 PM

Dear Diary,

Sorry about that lapse in communication. I am convinced you are sending some kind of signal to her every time I write because she just called me, and I knew she was grinning because I could see her from my bedroom!

Oh gosh, look at me kicking my feet as I write this. She saw me too and we had a quiet little glance cuz Renu was in the room with me. I love them all very much but I just cannot wait until I can come home to her and her alone and not Ma or Pa going, "Hey, Urmila was waiting for you but you told me you were going to be late, so she left..."

I know, they're sooo sweet and caring, but for once I want to come home to Urmila on the couch, or opening the door for me, music playing in the background or a book laying upside down on the small table.

For once, I want to throw my bag on the floor and jump into her arms, soft lighting washing over us as we lay on the couch in silence, just taking in each other's warmth.

Sometimes I think Urmila would be better off with someone who can reciprocate her feelings with the same intensity that she gives me, but when I told her this the look she had made me realize--

wait, this is too embarrassing to write, god.

it made me realize, y'know, that she really does kinda, y'know... love me? idkkk its too late to be kicking my feet like this!

So, yeah, that is the sketch of my life, one with Urmila in it and warm lighting, winding across the various spines of books and a projector showing a movie, the noise of our own little home drowning out the questioning, doubting voices in my head.

--Sanju

[llycaons]

since I rarely reference fics by name in my lbs and never tag them, I imagine it's extremely confusing to read through my tag. and I've been reading four or five these past few days, so in case anyone cares, these are them

Tether by Annerb: post-sunshot cursefic where lwj must be in proximity to wwx at all times or become extremely ill. this one is a long fic and a real slowburn (to the point where it can be frustrating!), but the development and the characterizations are absolutely incredible for everyone (except a few slipups with wq and jc's interactions) and it really feels like the commitment to a healthy and freely chosen relationship ala cql. VERY cql-faithful, even when it comes off a little silly. despite a few weird plot choices this is an exceptionally well-done and elaborate work and I do recommend it highly, it has a few more chapters left so I'm waiting to write the real summary and post it to the recs page, but the author is updating frequently and it's a completed work. this is the one that had me screaming the other day hehe

Odd Geometry by maziodyne: the sunshot AU where wwx is a healer who hadn't been adopted by the jiangs! I beta read this one - a ton of fun with a great elemental addition to the magic system, thorough research into the sunshot campaign, and wonderful characterizations

stray cat strut by ScarlettStorm: THE CATBOY ONE LOL. more on the horny side than on the tender romance side, but a really fun time

a catalog of non-definitive acts by zerodignity: the last work in the series of canonverse wwx struggling with his identity as some flavor of nonbinary. I really liked the first two works in this series, but this one is kind of weird. they're keeping their relationship secret bc they're in CR, which is depressing, and wwx's identity barely seems to come up except in sex scenes. however the characterizations for like, lxc are extremely well-done (but like, doesn't lxc know they're together? jeez). it looks like they're going to come clean and leave CR, but idk what the point of all this is anyway. this is an epic romance about publicly supporting your infamous beloved why the fuck are you sneaking around past midnight postcanon just to see him...why do you care about these people's judgements...

Dispersing Clouds by dreamingofcake: this is a very well-written novel-verse AU where wwx gets fed up with the jiangs pretty early on (everyone is presented pretty unsympathetically, even jyl) and bounces to become a rogue cultivator, joining up with lwj to help fight off the looming wen threat. I got like 20 chapters into this - the chapters are short and the writing flows well, but it's a long series and there's legitimately zero genuine emotional conflict. the jiangs suck so wwx leaves. he's fine with this. he's so smart and capable and brilliant and beloved and everyone likes him. the townspeople are so grateful for his help they give him a title just like lwj has. he realizes he loves lwj and immediately vows to woo him. lwj by all indications really likes him too. it's an idealized version of what wwx's life could be like if he...wasn't wwx, without all the conflict and loyalty and familial love and suffering and self-doubt and miscommunications and difficulty and external forces working against him and misunderstandings and without being forced to stand against authority for what was right and be actually, truly alone. I also found the long descriptions of talismans, night hunts, and sect politics extremely dull, and I probably won't be going back to it, but it IS very well put-together and edited, and the romance is sweet, so if you enjoy it, I'm glad!

[mirdaniaa]

Thank you @lord-aldhelm for the tag! 💜

How many works do you have on AO3?

132!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

Apparently it's 1,585,653.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently just TLK, but every now and then HotD or whatever period drama I'm currently watching will catch my fancy.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

gonna be honest, every time this question comes up on an ask meme it makes me cringe a bit, because 3 of them i don't feel are remotely worthy of the honor and I think I just posted at the right time. anyway they're all GoT/asoiaf fics.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try to, unless the comment is like, idk, annoying or completely incomprehensible.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh man. I've written a lot of angsty endings...I think I'm just going to go with the most recent, which is The House That Godwin Built.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

also going with the most recent here since there are too many to choose from, too tempting not to touch

8. Do you get hate on fics?

yeah 🥲

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

All kinds babeyyyyyy

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have written exactly one crossover as a dumb joke and it was where Steve Harrington was Jean-Ralphio and Mona-Lisa Saperstein's biological father

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

It used to happen a lot but not so much anymore

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A few times! It's a really nice feeling :)

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

@itslaurenmae and I co-wrote Stolen Sweets together!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

eadith x eardwulf aka flowers in mercia i am so deeply unwell about this ship i made up in my head but also it's real I'm so Pepe Silvia about it

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I started this Barkskins fic literal years ago that went into the loup-garou thing that is CONSTANTLY coming up in the narrative but tbh i had no idea where to take it after "yeah they're werewolves" so I feel like. I shall never finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, I say, perhaps overconfidently. I attribute it to my theatre background but I'm always reading and, for that matter, writing dialogue with a voice in mind. I also speak a lot of the dialogue out loud to myself to make sure it sounds right, which is why I now live alone. I also know my basic editing (spelling, grammar, punctuation, tenses, etc) is almost always in good shape.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am SO BAD at writing descriptions, it's something I'm actively working on. Action scenes are also something I struggle with, my eyes glaze over those scenes in books and television, and if you've ever read my fics, you'll notice I like to pull a GRRM and knock out my characters whenever possible.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If it's not necessary to the plot, why confuse the reader when you can just as easily say, "He said to the woman in sunglasses, this time in Russian..." or, "He didn't understand the two men, who sounded as though they were speaking in French..." Unless that dialogue is relevant to the plot, I guess I just don't see the need.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I'm pretty sure it was Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

The House That Godwin Built will always have a special place in my heart 💜

tagging @ivarthebadbitch, @stannisfactions, @wildwren, @wexpyke, @abnerkrill, @skatingthinandice, and anyone else who wants to play!

[jingledbells]

OH ALSO . for that one fandom/ship/character ask game!!!

6, 9 and 13 for gravity falls

2 and 11 for fiddauthor

anddd 17 and 20 for stan and mabel :3

gravity falls 6,9,13

6) I think I already told you but I loveeee Mabel and ford!!! sweater twins my beloved ahhhh I care for them deeply. I really do wish they had more interactions cuz when they do they're so sweet!!Mabel clearly is in awe of ford as much as dipper is and ford has nothing but kind things to say about his niece

9) Mabel and Pacifica DEFINTLEY. Ive seen a post explaining how mabel should've been the one to assist Pacifica in northwest mansion mystery and honestly I agree. they're so silly together aghhhh. also smth tells me that lumity may or may not have been somewhat inspired by them. to an extent

13) hmmmmmm probably dipper and Pacifica. I think they have a nice friendship but I don't like how they're overshipped a lot of the times

fiddauthor 2 and 11

2) LIKE HELL I SHIP IT. I think I've also told you this before but I am. so ill about them. hhhhhhhh. I ship them cuz....uh idk I just kinda SAW them and was immidietlay captivated by them...like I was hypnotized...even from before ford was revealed I went 'GAY' in my seat while watching em'...they also remind me of petrigrof a LOT which is probably why they enraptured me so(previous brainrot which messed up my mind/pos)...they're just so tragic and so queer coded and have my gay ass in a chokehold wahhhhh

11) I shipped them from before I even INTERACTED with the fandom. like the moment I watched society of the blind eye I thought they were kinda gay tm. and then I watched atots and the rest of the show and I was forever changed. and then I googled them to see if they exist(well ofc they do but I had my doubts) and then from that moment on I was insane. all happened in Dec 27th 2022. and then I joined Tumblr January 2023 and started to consume them even more

mabel 17 and 20:

17) honestly that's a tough one. I know on the outside depending on what genre Mabel would probably have a hard time at first but something tells

20) shes pan and enby+transfem!! she doesn't really care about gender(regarding hers and people she likes) and kinda just likes to have fun with it!! uses she/it/they/he/xe(uses a bunch of neopronouns but Im still thinking of them)

stan 17 and 20:

17) yeass he would indeed...the scareoke episode he was SERVING beating the crap out of those zombies. if he was in alien he would be Ripley and be one of the only survivors...that's if it was a slasher or a zombie movie I'm not exactly sure on psychological horror or ghosts yet

20) HE HAS *THE* AROALLO SWAG. he doesn't really feel romantic attraction to anyone but it takes him quite a bit for him to figure that out. I like to think Mabel definitely helped him :] wahh aro stan I'd kill for you. he's also very bi and very transmasc(LOOK AT THE FUCKING SHIRTS HE WEARS. YOU CANNOT TELL ME IM WRONG), but he's also genderfluid to me. that one bit where he's watching the dutchess and she says 'i may be a dutchess...but I'm ALSO a WOMAN!!' and stan cries and says 'its just like my life!!! in a way', that part did NOT escape me. like sir, care to elaborate on what you meant? there is nothing cis about that man I can tell you. he has such gender envy

[international-repeater-station]

so. ive been thinking a lot. about omori and about what might ensue post-SUNNY route ending. [omori spoilers ahead]

one thing about me is that if i join a fandom, it usually--with some exceptions--means that i mainly enjoy a piece of media as a form of escapism. so like. feel-good stories. or maybe excruciatingly painful stories but they have a good ending that leaves you happy, hopeful, whatever. good friends, best friends, an OTP or two--you know the drill i guess. not saying i only enjoy light stories, it's just that i'm always finding a way to sneak in something happy in there, or finding fandoms that know how to do that.

omori. might be my first hyperfixation (= a story which forever and ever will be among my most favorites even when the obsession dies down) which i can't enjoy in the same way i've been enjoying other stories (don't get me wrong i'm still enjoying it immensely)

because

there is no happy ending i think. as in, that's just not possible? my opinion on that is not set in stone, but for now that's how i feel about it

and my deal is that i Love the characters, i Love the potential in ships like sunflower- ok. grips your, whoever's reading this, shoulders. i love love LOVE the dynamic those two had before things went south. these silly kids were so cute together. But what i love even more (not because it makes me feel fuzzy anymore but because good storytelling) is how it makes perfect sense (to me) that it would be incredibly heckin unhealthy for them to start any sort of relationship. ultimately, i doubt they're even capable of becoming friends again, not just after what happened with mari, but also after what sunny has put himself and basil through

which is nuts. when you're used to, like, thinking about characters (either on their own or OTPs) and twirling your hair and kicking your feet giddily, when you'd actually like to go ^__^ and draw them being sweet together, and then you're faced with the sheer tragedy of the whole gang in OMORI, it's. let's just say oughhhggfggghhgggggbbbh.

it happened and, snap, everything fell apart. FOUR years of nothing, despite all of them living In The Same Town. they have already grown apart tremendously. i can see it, they graduate from high school and that's it—moving from faraway town, maybe not keeping in touch at all. why would they want to, if the memories are so painful, and if the memories that are good not just seem, but really are so distant now? it's healthy to find new friends, to continue living this new life away from the old one.

it makes sense, it all makes perfect sense!!!!!, and yet it's so damn hard to accept the likelihood of that outcome when you've been looking so long through the eyes of sunny/omori who's been abusing escapism biggg time. it's the contrast between how his dream world is and how the real world is that gets me the most, i think!

like, i have another favorite story, evangelion. it's also very tragic but... there is no contrast, the atmosphere in the world of eva has always been kind of hopeless, you just calmly watched things fall apart. OMORI, on the other hand, has that added contrast, and the SUNNY route ending is more bittersweet than utterly hopeless, and maybe that's what makes me wanna crawl up the wall haha!!!!! :'D :'D :'D

so i see all of these post-ending headcanons about how the gang would hang out together, all the ships, and like. 👍👍👍!!! but i can never fully, idk, buy it? it all seems...just a tad too good to be true? like an AU or something :(

i'm not complaining at all though. i enjoy the optimistic fancontent tremendously as well; this just is how the storyline of OMORI makes me feel, and i love it for what it is (to me). long ass speech is over, entering my silly mode again

[ihavedoorinsurance]

big long post abt bokutachi-kun bc i have worms

so. a little over a week ago, SoapOpera46 (or Yoli-chan) blessed us with this video and i would like to talk abt it at length. piece by piece. this is the true definition of sadan. so much so that it's going under a readmore (if those even matter anymore. i hear fumblr truncates posts automatically?) anyway

full disclosure: i didn't plan any of this. what's to come is basically word puke, off the top of my head, with no organisation or structure to it.

you won't be interested in this unless you're clinically insane. if you're looking for worthwhile opinions on the video, i recommend browsing the comments section. they're short, sweet, and easy to read. nnnnow, without further ado.....

I KU ZO

i'll start off saying i don't know shit about Dream (YUME-SAN as he is so graciously credited in the vid description)! not a damn thing! all i know is he's a Minecraft YouTuber, and up to just yesterday i didn't even know he made music! what seems to be very emo music if this song is anything to go by.

i looked up the lyrics seperately bc tbh i couldnt extrapolate anything from that singing. bokutachi-kun's a star talent and all bless his heart but i needed expert assistance. also according to the blurb at the bottom of the page i referenced, this song references the struggles of depression and ADHD! and myopia, most tragically of all.

here's a student copy.

what to note before we forge onwards: this is contextualised to us by Yoli-chan as a look into Bokutachi's history, saying she: "feeling it fit bokutachi-kun no past very much!!!"

i'm not sure how far in the past this is, but i have some vague ideas pinned on the information that, expressed by Episode 10, Raku and Koneko have already graduated (or dropped out of i'm not discounting that) college by the time the mainline story is in effect.

you also see these silhouettes

of what i assume to be the girls? at around 1:22, so i'm giving it anywhere from 6 to 14 years ago.

and if that seems like a wide ratio that's because it is!! i have no way of knowing what year of high school he's in, when exactly he graduated, how long it's been since then, or anything. i mean he's a fairly young man so i'll take that into account but that hardly helps

(also grant that none of the story takes off until after Raku and Koneko have left college long enough for Raku to call her fellow alumni "old" friends....also wtf what did they major in i've been asking this for years..you don't see them with jobs ever I MEAN PERHAPS KONEKO MAJORED IN NURSING THE COVID PSA DOES INDICATE SHE IS A PROFESSIONAL SO IDK)

but damn if any of that actually matters. you can't even peg the year by identifying hiis fatback monitor and Windows 98 ass OS

he is using some..EQUIVALENT of early msn messenger, maybe that puts this in the ballpark of 2000-2003

ik the Covid PSA isn't like properly canon or anything but i'll bet Raku is still using Win98 well after the OS's discontinuation anyway (it went out of service in 2006 if that helps.)

so if Bokutachi's old enough to be in any year of high school in 1998-2000 (assuming this computer is any indication. it might not be!), i'd wager a guess he's anywhere between 24-30 years old by the time NNSG properly starts (again assuming, that 2010 is the actual year the show takes place. once again, it might not be! it's at least post-Hatsune Miku, judging by the Christmas episode). this leaves room for college, but i doubt he went.

kind of what i already assumed, but it's fun trying to put these pieces together.

also can i just say i'm intrigued by the "nya, rawr" adlib in the beginning? that is Hitoshi's Thing, as we well know, but additionally, in the very beginning of the video, there is a box of pocky on the floor of the hallway.

pocky would happen to be one half of Hitoshi's favourite breakfast (plus ramune. this fuck drinks soda and eats cookies for breakfast what is wrong with him.), so i wonder if he had some knowledge of Hitoshi already this early on. we're operating on the premise that this is Bokutachi's younger self singing, right? did Hitoshi go to his school? we don't see him anywhere unlike Raku and Koneko, so idk. maybe "nya, rawr" is just a popular, cool phrase to say in Amerijapan.

potential cool thing: the one pocky stick upside down and sitting outside the box but near it might allude to Bokutachi himself. you do get the feeling he's lonely throughout the song, he's not got one close relationship with a real live person. not in school, not at home...

let's start talking about these lyrics.

I wear a mask with a smile for hours at a time Stare at the ceiling while I hold back what's on my mind And when they ask me how I'm doing I say, "I'm just fine" And when they ask me how I'm doing I say, "I'm just fine"

--

so i like this set of frames

you see him happily chatting away, but abrubtly he gets tense and stops himself. only after his mood swing is acknowledged does he try to perk back up and affirm to whoever's asking that he's "just fine". clearly he feels some kind of pressure to bottle up his emotions.

the facade begins to wane slightly here: despite the open ears he remains reticent. another thing: he seems to just be very guarded when he's around people. like physically!

you see him holding himself in the midst of confrontation here, earlier he'd balled up his fist because he got upset thinking about something too long... his stance in general is very tight in public, from what i can tell.

here, he's got his arms firmly placed at his sides as he turns away from whoever it was that confronted him earlier. shortly afterwards when he's sure he's not being looked at, he drops his little half smile.

in the first image of this post, again at around 1:22-1:25 you see him holding his bookbag straps and powering through the hallways the longer he continues to walk, like there's a sense of urgency there.

and here, he's around people that are likely just minding their own business but he's just. not comfortable in any way. the song mentions at this point:

"Always bein' judged by a bunch of strange faces Scared to go outside, haven't seen the light in ages"

even though it seems he's being ignored for the most part. everyone who's addressed him thus far in the song has only ever asked him if he was okay. i have to wonder if he's being gossipped about behind his back for being an outcast and is well aware of it.

"haven't seen the light in ages" strikes me as metaphorical. light as in hope. light as in a reason to keep going.

ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE MOMENT TO HIGHLIGHT THESE LYRICS

But the fact is I can never get off of my mattress And all that they can ask is "Why are you so sad, kid?" (Why are you so sad, kid?)

--

my guy has been in bed all day long, just awake and in bed dawn to dusk, tossing and turning unable to get to sleep. or even will himself to get up. he hasn't eaten, drank, brushed his teeth, showered, just. bed. and the first thing his (probably) legal guardian thinks to ask him when he FINALLY manages to find some strength is why he's so sad.

it'd be nice to interpret that in a compassionate way. i think best case scenario, his guardian(s) don't know how to help him and want to talk with him. approaching the subject of utter disengagement from the world is difficult when you haven't lived it, and i can't imagine mental health resources are plentiful in early 2000s Amerijapan.

but also he doesn't seem to trust his legal guardian(s)?? he's just as guarded with them as he is with strangers, look at this at around 0:56

he looks anxious trying to address either of them. the way he's looking back and forth between them it's like he's trying to get a word in edgewise but can't.

they're not particularly given identifiable features. they look fairly similar to the "strange faces" he sees judging him, except they're bigger. they cast a longer shadow and they're no comfort to him at all. helps that the lyrics accompanied are:

"And it just keeps on pilin' It's so terrifying"

--

which implies to me he's constantly in the habit of racking up shames in his legal guardian's eyes. like they pick at him frequently and find reasons upon reasons to scold him, and remind him of everything that's going wrong. maybe the pressure he feels to perform normalcy is derived from them, because if someone finds something "wrong" with him, they're going to pick and pick and demean him and lose faith in him. and that hits too close to home for him.

(i'm willing to bet he is/was physically punished too. like, shot in the dark, but that makes sense to me with how stiffly he walks and how clammed up you see him around ppl. i might be projecting though but hey. never said i was sure.)

I'D LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MY GUY IS JUST CHRONICALLY ONLINE TOO

morning to night, he finds himself whiling away HOURS on the computer. time spent online (on messaging clients and what have you) outweighs time spent on homework, and studying, possibly eating. anything else that might beg his attention is forgotten.

anything else that might stress him out is forgotten when he turns on the computer. he can mask (OHOHOHOHO) his struggles online because there's no burden of expectation or obligation.

there's a freedom in his anonymity, in how he can choose his company, and lie about being happy, and they'd believe him. no-one asks questions. there's no pressure. and that makes him "happy" so to speak.

i say that because only when he's messing around online do we finally see him peaceful enough to go to sleep. the fog on his brain is lifted when he turns himself into this person that's full of confidence and takes life easy. and even though he might be faking it...

Been wearin' a smile for so long, it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real

that'll happen to you when you use another skin to cope with your own shortcomings. i'm acutely aware of this in particular. this might be what some people refer to as irony poisoning? when you do something enough times, even if it's only for show, it becomes habit, and your habits aren't you as a person, but they can certainly shape you.

i wonder if he joked about dark sshit like kidnapping people and committing felonies, etc. to try and make himself let go of the fear of being judged by others. make himself stop feeling empathy so he'd stop acting so careful, thus unchaining himself from his own thought paralysis. plenty of people do that (and some become criminals later on, go figure)

anyhow later on we have a mental breakdown from about 1:31 to 1:39 with:

But I've been places So I'm okay-ish, so I'm okay-ish Yeah, I'm okay, bitch"

--

coupled with what seems to be a violent start from a dream of some kind?

not sure if this dream IS or is connected to the following scenes of walking through the school hallways + out in the grass, but that would actually make a lot of sense considering "haven't seen the light in ages" compared against his internet addiction. like he found a distraction and thus has little incentive to leave. i imagine he's skipping school and holing up in his room or something.

the effects of what he's doing seem to be catching up with him. you can see him high strung when he gets out of bed, and when he answers to what's likely his guardian(s), it snaps him.

i get the impression he either woke up with all this tension, then realised he slept through the morning and made it worse, OR. the dream sharply reminded him of his current circumstances and THAT made it worse.

maybe he's spiralling because he feels powerless. to stop himself from making bad decisions, from disappointing people, from pushing people away, from underachieving, from misusing his time, from taking his life for granted, from being alone...challenging these doubts about your own agency over your life is tough when you don't know where to start and also you're a teenager.

he's clearly wracked with despair over this but can't act in his own best interest due to closing off all avenues to recovery thanks to never opening up to anyone. god the more i think about it, the more i consider "why are you so sad, kid?" to be accusatory. if you feel singled out in being honest, of course you'll try to avoid that.

also note:

But the fact is I need help, I'm failin' all my classes

damn straight.

jesus that report card. look at that thing, that is straight Fs all the way down. i mean we know he hasn't been doing his homework but god ALL F'S??? IN EVERY SUBJECT????? you'd think he wasn't going to school at all, which kind of lends itself to my idea that he's just altogether not going. or when he is there, doing literally anything else but the work. god damn. relatable

that combined with his outburst, that epic door slam?? that might be what pulls him into the doctor's office later on. like his legal guardian(s) are just sick of his shit and so they get him psychoanalysed.

A FINE ANALYSIS FROM DR. ^w^ PHD, FUCKING "NORMAL JA NAI", WHAT A GENIUS ASSESSMENT. I'M SO GLAD THEY COULD TAP INTO THE HEART OF THE ISSUE AND ADDRESS THE ROOT CAUSE OF HIS SUFFERING IN A THOROUGH AND SPECIALISED MANNER. BASED

no seriously even though that shit kills me every time i see it, i like the implication that they only vaguely diagnose symptoms, write a prescription, and send him on his way. like what's really wrong with him is being overlooked by professionals because the mental health awareness just isn't there. as exemplified by:

"They think that I need glasses"

which is a lyric i laughed at but also...that's kinda true to life. you'll say to your school's counsellor, everything that sings to the tune of someone with executive dysfunction. a spectrum disorder even. and they'll be like

"hm. move em up. they cant see the board that's why they're not taking notes right. have you talked to an ophthalmologist". offering bandaid solutions for bigger issues. and speaking of bandaid solutions, DRUGS

"I just really wish that I could pass this (Wish that I could pass this)"

That's what the mask is That's what the point of the mask is"

SDGLKMFKFKLDHNFGJKNGVF I RAN OUT OF IMAGE SPACE LMAOOOO

okay so basically from 1:49-1:59 Bokutachi goes through a moment of crisis where he laments his fate of being labelled as "NORMAL JA NAI". either he doesn't like the things the medication is doing to him or he's skeptical of taking them at all. regardless those shits are going inthe TRASH. my guy is like "fuck big pharma" out here

he is not in a stable frame of mind at all throughout this video. who knows if those pills would have helped. we'll never know because he doesn't trust them. he doesn't want to think of himself as someone who needs that kind of thing.

as far as he's concerned he doesn't! he has his chat group, he has FUCKING MINESWEEPER; if he were to try and "fix" himself now, what would happen to those spaces? would he still be able to navigate them? find the same joy in them as he once did? they're all that matters to him! he's become accustomed to the isolation and this is his only reprieve (read as: escape) from a hostile environment.

(how hostile it really is, that's sort of up in the air. i'm thinking he's got the makings of a dude with some kinda cluster A disorder. ADD and autism are also on my mind, depression because of the song's origins itself, but eh. i digress.)

you can see him calm himself down once it's time to boot up the computer again at 2:00.

so it would seem, he's already given up on trying to be more than what he is right now. change is scary though, i don't blame him. especially when you feel like it's being forced on you when you didn't ask.

maybe this is him trying to regain some kind of control, but...in a decidedly unhealthy way. by sticking his head in the sand and acting like nothing's wrong. burying the idea that he needs help makes him feel less like a problem that needs to be solved and more like a well adjusted person that's just misunderstood.

at 2:09 he pulls out his planner (i refuse to believe that's a smartphone LIKE COME ON THE TIMELINE. PLEASE) and you can kind of watch his stomach churn knowing there's shit to do but his alter ego doesn't care.

his alter ego isn't concerned with that bullshit. "nah i'll have time. i'll do it later. and if i don't get it done tonight, who cares? nothing's gonna happen to me and i don't gotta answer to anybody. i'm not scared." he's developing an apathy to responsibility b/c it frustrates him he can't manage it.

i have to ask if this is where his rebuke of social acceptability took root.

you even see him at around 2:21-2:26 pull out his medical records and write "daijoubu" next to the diagnosis. which also slays me but next to "NORMAL ja nai" it kind of reads like "not being normal is okay".

that's a perfectly fine stance to have when you're just a little kooky! just a tad silly! eccentric even! i don't know if that's something you should be saying to wave away EVERYTHING that could be affecting you (and potentially others if it goes unchecked), just because it makes you uncomfortable to stare it down! that's dangerous!! particularly when you don't know your limits

i'm also kind of loving 2:28-2:32??? where he raises his head to his legal guardians and he's smiling for the first time in front of them.

but now we're well aware all his smiles are performative. he's wearing the mask for them now too.

the fake it 'til you make it policy seems to be his safety net. in order to avoid being treated and seen like a walking blemish, something to be fixed, he's slowly grown to be more comfortable acting well to do, or at least unaffected. then people leave him alone. when he's loose and devil-may-care, he's allowed to be himself. which would be fine if that were honest.

in truth, he's extremely emotional. he's sensitive. he's scared and wound up. he's angry and he's self conscious. he cannot function in the way the world wants him to, and he can't stand his own inaction in the face of his self-inflicted demise. but when that's too shameful to bear, you don't seek anyone out. imagine how much more painful it would be to have someone see you flounder. they'll poke fun. they'll judge.

it's like he sees the world telling him to be better, and his response is to create what he thinks is an objectively better person. even though at the end of the day he is still who he is.

i wonder if he starts wearing that mask permanently because at one point he'd become aware there was no running from himself. with this being his only way to reconcile his failures, it was inevitable.

we end the animation with him going to sleep and his maegami "masked" self looming over the end credits. smiling is equated with wearing a mask consistently throughout the song, so i find the image of him going to sleep with a smile on his face pretty solidly telling me that he's starting the transition into becoming the Projected Bokutachi as opposed to Plain Bokutachi.

this is the beginning of his descent into a more dangerous, yet exciting and outgoing person. he is mentally unwell and owning it. i don't know what happened between high school and the NNSG plotline (or god forbid, what happened between childhood and adolescence), but here we definitely introduce some catalysts for his face-heel turn.

and now i have even more reasons to reconsider this little rat man's true motivations and character depth.

arigatou gozaimasu Yoli-chan (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚