#idk maybe i sound utterly insane right now

[heart-shaped-chains]

I need someone to obsess* over tbh

[delulustateofmind]

Yan! JJK Men x Reader: You're sick. Literally.

Description: Oh no, you got sick? Poor thing? Luckily the gorgeous man who kidnapped you will take good care of little ol you!

Characters: Satoru, Suguru, Nanami

TW: Mentions of sick things (throwing up, coughing, ya'know sick stuff), Yandere behaviors, Pet names. Reader is a non sorcerer. Suguru didn't defect, still an insane yan though. Nanami's is the darkest.

WC: 3.9k

A/n: Comfort fic for ME. Some little gremlin at my job got me sick. This could be...better? Idk my mind hazy but I couldn't sleep without writing out my little silly thoughts.

Satoru - You'll be smothered to death

You got sick.

Of course, it would happen now, while Satoru was off on one of his endless missions, leaving you to fend for yourself in the pristine prison he called an apartment. He hadn’t been home in days, blissfully clueless to the fact that even swallowing felt like trying to gulp down shards of glass. Your muscles ached, your head throbbed, and every inch of you craved nothing more than a warm drink and a blanket.

Dragging yourself to the kitchen, you held onto a sliver of hope—maybe there was tea or, if you were really lucky, a sad packet of instant ramen. But every cabinet you opened revealed a whole lot of nothing. Great. You checked the fridge next. Also empty, naturally. Your meals were always mysteriously delivered by someone you'd never met while Satoru was away. Maybe they'd bring you soup…or were you destined for another serving of that fancy sushi you could barely stomach in this state?

You almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of complaining about such “luxuries.”

And cooking for yourself? Yeah, right. Satoru had confiscated the knives ages ago, forbidding you from using them unless he was there to watch over you like the lovesick freak he was. You cast a sarcastic, vulgar gesture toward one of the many cameras he’d installed around the apartment. Not that he’d ever actually check the footage, right? …Right?

With a sigh, you shuffled into the bathroom, opening one cabinet after another, desperate for something—anything—that could bring a sliver of relief. A cough drop, even a crusty, ancient one, would’ve been a miracle right now. But no, it seemed that the only things Satoru deemed essential were shea butters, body scrubs, and various impractical “essentials.” Your throat burned, each swallow a new brand of torture, and frustration prickled behind your eyes.

Before you knew it, you’d sunk to the floor, tears slipping down your cheeks as exhaustion took over. You tried to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, but it came out as more of a weak wheeze. Trapped, sick, and utterly alone, you let yourself drift off on the cold tiles, surrounded by empty cabinets and an even emptier feeling gnawing at your chest.

You weren’t sure when you’d fallen asleep, but the faint sound of the front door clicking open stirred you from your feverish dreams. Footsteps echoed through the apartment, far too energetic to belong to anyone but him. You groaned softly, squinting against the bright light as Satoru’s familiar voice filtered through the fog of your headache.

“Yoo-hoo! I’m home, sweet cheeks! Did you miss me?”

You tried to sit up, but the ache in your muscles protested, leaving you slumped against the wall. Before you could answer, Satoru poked his head into the bathroom, his usual grin plastered on his face—though it faltered as his blue eyes landed on you. In an instant, he was crouched at your side, his hands hovering around you as if he couldn’t decide where to start.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he tutted, his grin morphing into a mock pout. “Did you get all pathetic while I was gone?” His fingers found your forehead, and he clicked his tongue, his eyes widening as he felt the heat radiating from your skin. “You’re burning up! Were you planning to bake yourself in here like a cute little fever muffin? And why didn’t you ping me?”

Ah, yes. The pager. Right. Because apparently, pagers were still a thing in Satoru’s world.

You groaned, trying to turn your face away from his intense stare. “Satoru… I was fine.”

“Fine?” he echoed, clearly amused. “Yeah, sure, if by ‘fine’ you mean pathetically slumped on the bathroom floor.” Without warning, he swept you into his arms, ignoring your weak protests as he carried you to the bedroom. He laid you down with the same exaggerated care he reserved for something truly precious, pulling the soft white sheets over your shivering frame.

“Do you realize,” he said, half-joking, half-scolding, “how irresponsible it was to get sick while I was gone? Honestly, you should know better.” He bundled the blankets around you so tightly that you could barely wiggle a finger. “You don’t have permission to be sick without me around.”

“Permission?” you mumbled, your voice muffled, eyes half-lidded as the fever continued to fog up your mind.

“Exactly!” He ruffled your hair with that chipper enthusiasm. “If I’d been here, I would’ve made sure you ate properly. And I would’ve personally spoon-fed you medicine—doesn't that sound delightful?” His eyes sparkled with a teasing glint, though there was something unsettlingly serious beneath it.

“Are you going to… let me breathe in here?” you managed to ask, noting just how thoroughly he’d cocooned you.

“Oh, no no,” he chuckled, settling onto the edge of the bed with an exaggerated sigh of satisfaction. “You’re not escaping my care now. Not after letting yourself get sick while I was gone.” He leaned in close, his face inches from yours, that unnervingly charming smile back in place. “I’m on nurse duty, and you’re my sole patient. Lucky you, huh?”

You whined as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. Sure, he was sweet, even doting at times. But he was also, without a doubt, a little bit of a freak. He left, claiming he’d be back with “supplies” that you could only imagine were absurdly over the top.

An hour later, he returned, brandishing a spoon and a cup of soup, and propped you up as if you were some doll. “Now, open up,” he cooed, lifting the spoon with exaggerated gentleness. “You’re going to eat every bite, and then we’re binging every Studio Ghibli movie you’ve never seen. You love those, right? You mentioned it on our first date.” His eyes flashed, a brief, intense look that was almost… possessive, before softening again. “And if I hear even a hint of a cough, I might just smother you in blankets until you forget what a cold feels like.”

You tried to roll your eyes, but the warmth of the soup soothed your throat, and despite the fever still clawing at you, you managed a faint smile. Satoru kept feeding you, chattering on about his mission, each story punctuated with exaggerated gestures that made the soup tremble on the spoon. His presence was overwhelming, but, for once, you didn’t mind.

“See?” he said proudly when you’d finished, grinning down at you like a smug nurse. “All you need is a little Gojo love, and you’re practically healed already.”

He moved to start up Porco Rosso, something you’d never seen but that he insisted you’d adore.

But as he fussed over you, you caught a flicker of worry in his playful eyes—a soft, fleeting look, as though he truly believed you were the most fragile thing in his world. And despite everything, despite the suffocating way he hovered, you felt a strange sense of comfort. Perhaps in a way you were growing insane day by day. He’d stay by your side, even if you were only here because he’d pulled you into his world and held on so tightly, refusing to let go, because losing you was something he couldn’t bear. He couldn't lose someone so important to him.

Suguru - Just let him take care of you, yeah?

Your muscles ached, and your eyes felt swollen, as though you’d cried them shut. Everything hurt, every shiver that wracked your body twisting the ache deeper. Cold sweat clung to you, dampening the sheets that Suguru had so carefully arranged around you. You were caught between chills and feverish heat, unable to reconcile how you could be shivering and sweating all at once.

He’d left early this morning after a long, restless night, one that left its marks painted across your skin. The ache wasn’t entirely unfamiliar, but you could still feel each bruise, each bite—a reminder of his hands, his mouth, his possessive need to leave you claimed. Maybe that was why your muscles were so sore, why each breath felt like it only barely filled your lungs.

You swallowed, the pain flaring in your throat. You stared up at the wooden beams of the traditional ceiling, another piece of this house he’d locked you in—for your own good, as he liked to remind you. Once, you’d tried to tell him you needed space, that the relationship was too much, that he was too much. Now, the only “space” you had was this house, shared with him, furnished to his tastes. The traditional Japanese garden beyond the window, with its perfectly placed stones and swaying bamboo, felt like a prison as much as it did a picturesque scene out of a movie.

You drifted off to the rhythmic patter of rain against the shoji screens, wondering how he'd react when he saw you like this. Unease filled you.

A sound brought you back, barely louder than the rain—a soft, padded footfall just beyond the sliding door. A familiar twinge of anxiety stirred in your stomach, the kind you had yet to shake whenever he approached. The door slid open with practiced care, his silhouette filling the frame before stepping inside.

"My love?" Suguru's voice was gentle, almost reverent, as he moved toward you, closing the distance with graceful precision. His violet eyes swept over you, dark with concern, though a small smile tugged at his lips, as though he found a strange beauty in your frailty.

“You’re not feeling well, are you?” he murmured, his voice softening further as he knelt beside you. A sick smile on his lips as if he enjoyed this. One of his hands brushed a damp strand of hair from your forehead, his touch tender, and intimate. “You poor thing… it’s no wonder. You’ve been keeping everything bottled up. All those silly little thoughts and worries…”

He pressed a warm cloth to your forehead, his fingers gentle, almost soothing. Yet there was something in his touch—a possessiveness, a kind of pride in seeing you like this, dependent on his care, trapped under his gaze.

“You know,” he whispered, his voice low and sweet as he continued to smooth back your hair, “you don’t have to hold back with me. I’ll take care of everything—everything you could ever need. I’ll make sure you never have to worry about a single thing. Not your health, not your happiness… not even your freedom.” His smile softened as his hand moved to cradle your cheek, thumb stroking softly, possessively. “All you have to do is trust me, my love.”

A faint shiver went through you, whether from the fever or his touch, you couldn’t be sure. You tried to turn your face away, but his hand held you firmly, coaxing your gaze back to him. “Rest, darling,” he murmured, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I’ll stay by your side. I’ll make sure you’re safe, warm. Isn’t that what you need?”

His eyes, gentle yet held something so dark in those violet irises, held a depth of obsession that left no room for refusal, and despite the fever clouding your mind, you could feel it—the certainty that no matter how many walls you tried to build, Suguru would tear them down, piece by piece, until all you had was him.

The last thing you heard as sleep overtook you was his voice, murmuring soft reassurances, as he brushed his lips over your forehead.

Suguru adjusted his hold, wrapping the blanket more snugly around you as he cradled you closer, pressing a few soft kisses to the top of your head. You felt his fingers trail down your arm, gentle yet something dark lurked under such a touch, as though even your feverish skin was something precious to him.

He shifted, leaving the bed momentarily, though his gaze never wavered from you, his eyes flickering with a hint of unease at the brief separation. He returned a moment later, a bowl of rice porridge.

Something he must have prepared while you were half-asleep. “I made this just for you. Something gentle, soothing… I didn’t add anything too spicy; I know your throat’s sore.”

He carefully lifted the spoon to your lips, watching intently as you sipped with half-lidded hazy eyes. “Good girl,” he encouraged softly, his voice dripping with satisfaction. “Eat up. I’ll make sure you do. I’ll stay right here, feeding you every bite if that’s what it takes.”

You shifted slightly, trying to sit up more reaching for the spoon, but Suguru’s hand pressed gently against your shoulder, holding you down. “Ah, ah, don’t try to get up, my love,” he chided, a faintly scolding edge to his tone. “You’re in no condition to move around.” He gave a soft sigh, though there was a smile in his eyes as he leaned closer, “Just rest. Let me dote on you as much as you deserve. I don’t mind taking care of every little thing.”

He continued to feed you with small, measured bites, murmuring reassurances and encouragements with each spoonful, as though the simple act of eating was an accomplishment he was proud of. “That’s it,” he whispered. “You’re doing so well. Just a little more, love… There’s no need to be shy.”

As you finished, he wiped your mouth gently, his gaze softening as he watched you with a near-adoring smile. “There,” he said, his tone full of satisfaction as if he had achieved something profound just by keeping you fed. He pulled the blankets back up, tucking them so tightly around you that it was almost suffocating, as though he feared even a single draft could harm you.

With a sudden look of inspiration, he began fussing over the room itself, adjusting the windows, pulling the shoji screens shut just a bit tighter. “Can’t have any chills sneaking in, can we?” he said, more to himself than you. “You need warmth, peace… not a hint of discomfort.” He glanced back at you with a pleased smile, clearly contented by the thought of keeping every single detail in perfect order.

Finally, he returned to your side, pulling you back into his arms, and settling you against his chest again. “There we go,” he murmured, his fingers combing carefully through your hair, untangling every knot with precise, gentle strokes. “You don’t need to worry about anything—not about what you’ll eat, not about what you’ll wear, not even about how you’ll get up tomorrow. I’ll handle every little thing.”

You tried to shift, but his hold only tightened, his warmth both comforting and stifling. “Just relax, my love,” he crooned, his lips brushing your temple. “All you have to do is lie here and be good for me, let me keep you safe. I’ll take care of every breath you take if I have to.”

A faint pang of claustrophobia crept in as he held you, but his soothing, rhythmic touch on your hair made it hard to resist sinking back against him. His fingers trailed down your spine, rubbing gentle, possessive circles as he murmured sweet nothings, his voice a soft, dark lullaby.

“You’re everything to me,” he whispered, his tone dipping into something almost dangerous, though his touch remained gentle. “There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do to keep you safe, keep you here with me.” He stroked your cheek, his gaze intense as he watched you, his face softening as he took in every detail of your weakened state. “So don’t even think about leaving, whether that be in life or death.”

In his embrace, you felt yourself drifting once more, lulled by the warmth, by the touch that was both smothering and tender. And as you lulled to sleep, you couldn’t shake the feeling that with every little act of care, every gentle touch, Suguru was binding you tighter and tighter, locking you in a world where you would always be his to protect—his, and only his.

Nanami - Just to be sure

You awoke abruptly in the night, a sickening wave rising in your stomach. You slipped from his tight grip as quietly as you could, pressing a hand over your mouth as you stumbled to the bathroom, desperate to make it in time. The door shut behind you with a muffled slam, and you collapsed in front of the toilet, gripping the cold porcelain as your body heaved, your breaths coming in short, ragged gasps. You didn't care whether your captor heard you or not as you continued to drain every ounce of you. You slumped over the seat, letting your cheek rest against your arm as you tried to steady yourself.

But then came the soft, deliberate click of the lock turning. Your heart plummeted as his shadow filled the doorway. Nanami’s gaze was heavy, his sigh almost… indulgent, as if he’d expected this. You couldn’t even bring yourself to meet his eyes.

"Rough night?" he murmured, his tone deceptively soft. In his hand, you heard the faint rustling of cardboard being opened. Medicine, perhaps? You flinched, a prickle of fear clawing up your spine, as your eyes met the cardboard box. "Here," he said, stepping forward and extending a small, pink test between his fingers. "Take this for me.”

The sight of the pregnancy test twisted your stomach again, but this time with a different kind of nausea. You swallowed hard, feeling your hands tremble as you stared at the item he held out so calmly, that familiar, unsettling smile ghosting over his lips.

“Please,” he continued, voice coaxing, his smile a bit too unsettling. “It’s the holidays, after all. Good news would mean so much to me.” His eyes gleamed with a strange intensity, one that made your skin crawl. “Ino and Yuji would love to hear about our little addition.”

Your hands shook as you took the test from his hands, too frightened to refuse, too exhausted to protest. You didn’t dare push him further. You knew what lengths he would go to. You were lucky he wasn't forcing you to piss on it on the spot. The lines between his kindness and his control had long since blurred, and you knew the cost of defiance.

“Could you… step out?” you whispered, your voice barely above a rasp. His expression tightened, a flicker of annoyance clouding his face before he relented, stepping back, but only leaving the door open a sliver.

“I won’t look,” he promised, though his voice carried that familiar edge. “But I’ll be right here in case you… need me.”

His words hung ominously in the silence, and even with him just outside, you felt his presence pressing in on you, felt the weight of his watchful attention. Fucking freak. You forced yourself to go through with it, nerves fraying with each second, each stolen glance you imagined him taking through the door. Finally, the result appeared: one line. Negative.

When you opened the door, he stood waiting, his face unreadable, his gaze fixed. He didn’t say a word, simply handed you another test, and then another, his lips thinning further with each negative result.

A dark shadow crossed his face as he let out a slow, disappointed sigh. “Must just be a stomach bug, then,” he murmured, his tone clipped, tinged with quiet frustration and disappointment. He reached for you, his touch firm as he wrapped an arm around you, guiding you to the shower, reaching to lift the hem of your nightgown. "Let's get you bathed, shall we? My little wife." he said softly.

The words hung heavy in the air—my little wife. There was a possessiveness in his tone, one that sent a fresh wave of dread coursing through you. His hands, steady and unrelenting, guided the straps of your nightgown over your shoulders and down your arms, letting it fall to the floor in a soft whisper of fabric. You felt his gaze travel over you, inspecting you as if to memorize every detail, every inch of skin he considered his.

He turned on the shower, adjusting the temperature with his usual calm precision. The warm water began to fill the silence, though it did nothing to wash away the creeping chill that had settled in your bones. His hand remained on your shoulder, a steadying presence that felt more like a shackle than a comfort.

“Step in,” he murmured, his voice soft, almost coaxing, as though this were some intimate, shared moment between husband and wife, as though you’d chosen to be here.

You stepped under the water, feeling its warmth spread over you, but Nanami didn’t move away. Instead, he reached for a cloth, lathering it with soap, his movements deliberate, almost ritualistic. He ran the cloth over your shoulder, then down your arm. You could feel the weight of his gaze, his attention never wavering.

“My little wife,” he murmured again, the words slipping from his lips with unsettling ease. “You’re too fragile. You need someone to look after you… how do expect us to build a family, if you don't let me take care of you?”

His touch moved to your back, the cloth trailing down your spine. Every motion was painstakingly slow, as if he was savoring the moment, drawing it out. His fingers pressed just a little too firmly, a subtle reminder of the control he held, his grip tightening slightly whenever he sensed the faintest hint of resistance.

“You’ve been so stubborn,” he continued, his voice a quiet murmur just above the sound of the water. “I’ve had to go to such lengths to make sure you’re safe, to make sure you understand that this is where you belong. With me.”

You swallowed, the words dying in your throat as you felt the cloth glide down your arm again, his movements lingering, methodical. He was talking as if he truly believed this—his delusion woven so deeply into his mind that he couldn’t see it for what it was.

As he finished, he reached to turn off the water, his hand lingering on the knob for a moment before he looked back at you, his smile too kind for comfort. “I’ll dry you off,” he said, almost tenderly, reaching for a thick towel off the counter and wrapping it around your shoulders.

He guided you out of the shower, his hold firm as he began patting your skin dry with a soft towel. His hand brushed your cheek, wiping away a stray droplet, his gaze softening in a way that would’ve seemed caring if not for the dark gleam beneath it.

“You’re everything to me,” he whispered, his voice low and sickeningly sweet.

His words sent a shiver down your spine, but before you could pull away, he held you tighter, pressing his lips softly to your forehead, a mockingly gentle gesture that only served to deepen your dread.

“Let’s get you back to bed, my little wife,” he murmured, his tone soft and full of sickening love that made your skin crawl. He guided you out of the bathroom, his hand firm on the small of your back, and with every step, you could feel the walls of your world closing in, tighter and tighter, until there was no room left for escape.

[mazeinthemiroh]

Hi! First, I want to say I really love your writing ❤️

Can I request an Ateez reaction to catching their S/O singing and dancing to an Ateez song (maybe right when its their part as well)? ❤️

ateez catching their s/o singing/dancing to their songs

genre: insanely fluffy like idk what to do with myself, obviosuly louds of crack as well because it's funnnnnn

word count: 1.5k

warnings: mentions of being drunk in woo's

a/n: i took the liberty of doing a little scenario for this ask because i thought it was just super cute and funny! hope you enjoy <3333

hongjoong

hongjoong lent against the door-frame and grinned to himself as he watches you getting ready to go out. oblivious to your boyfriend watching, you swung your hips to the rhythm of the music, humming to yourself.

it was only when 'TO THE BEAT' started playing did you gasp in excitement, clearly in your own little world as you braced yourself to do hongjoong's rap.

he held a laugh back as he continued to watch, listening to your.... attempt at rapping his verse. he couldn't tell whether he found it adorable or utterly hilarious. once you had finished your boyfriend's verse, you swirled proudly around in a flourish, before coming face to face with your grinning boyfriend.

"nooooo how long were you watching," you whined, covering your face with both of your hands in embarrassment. you swatted a hand at his chest as he threw his head back with laughter.

"long enough" he answered in amusement, still smiling as he pulled you in for a sloppy hug as you tried to pull away playfully, "hey, you may not be the best rapper, but you're definitely my favourite!"

seonghwa

you were waiting for seonghwa to join you at the park. you had set up a little picnic date for the both of you, and the park was very nearly empty, with the occasional dog walker or cyclist enjoying the fresh air.

on waiting for your boyfriend to make an appearance, you decide to play your summer playlist out loud, since you wouldn't be bothering anyone near you.

swaying gently to the music, you smile and pull down your sunglasses as 'Eternal Sunshine' started to play. the song definitely suited the weather; the sun's rays shone persistently down, kissing your glowing skin gently.

you sang softly and gently to the melody you knew so well, watching the breeze tickle the leaves of the trees. you didn't hear the footsteps of your boyfriend behind you, clearly entranced by the scenery.

"you sound so pretty," his gentle voice spoke as he sat down next to you, his hand finding your waist. you give him a shy smile in return.

"not as pretty as you, park seonghwa" you grinned and leaned into his touch, "so pretty that i will forgive you for being late!"

yunho

you were waiting for your boyfriend to get home from work. he always arrived a little bit later than you did, and so you had a few hours to be able to do whatever you wanted before spending time with him.

right now, you had your music blasted and echoed around the corners of the house. you thought you would get ahead on the household chores. you usually did the vacuuming and dusting while yunho did the ironing and washing up.

so there you were, dusting the over the surfaces, when you heard 'WIN' start to play. you smirked to yourself, your body moving to the beat of the song.

"heyyyyyyy, we are gonna win" you sang, your body doing what you thought were the correct dance moves (you knew they probably weren't.) when it came to the dance break at the end though, you twerked like your life depended on it. it just felt right!

and yunho was glad that he came home when he did to see you like this, the dance machine you were! your flustered face told was one that is now permanently ingrained in his memory as he laughed hysterically.

yeosang

you had the tendency to sing in the shower. when you were alone in the house, you sang at the top of your lungs. but when your boyfriend was there, you tended to tone it down a bit.

there you were in the shower again, your phone just outside and turned up just enough for you to hear it over the pouring water.

as soon as 'HALAZIA' started to play, you gasped this was your moment. grabbing the bottle of shampoo and grasping it in your hands like a microphone, you weren't aware how loud you were actually singing.

you did in fact wake your boyfriend up out of his light sleep. he smiled slightly at the sound of your voice and went to investigate some more, his curiosity overtaking him.

he didn't have to press his ear up against the bathroom door to know what you were singing. he could hear you attempt to sing his lower verses before clearing your throat. he let out a tiny giggle, an adoring smile growing on his face as he left you to sing your heart out.

san

well, you got bored when waiting for your boyfriend to get changed after his dance practice. you loved supporting him, but he took so damn long to get showered and ready afterwards.

as you waited for him, you had the whole practice room to yourself. you thought that you might as well make use of it.

so getting up, you played 'HALA HALA' on the sound system. the music bounced off the walls as you stretched half-heartedly, getting ready to do the choreography you had seen so many times.

you didn't notice your boyfriend come in, an amused look on his face as he watched your intense, concentrated expression. he was impressed that you remembered so many moves!

it was only until the very last move where you were supposed to grab your head and twist it like you were cracking your neck that actually caught you off guard; your neck actually made a loud crack sound and you thought you'd died for a second.

san was concerned at first but as soon as he saw you were okay, he burst into laughter at your perplexed and shocked expression.

mingi

getting ready in the mornings was fun with you because you always played music in order to get ready efficiently and on time. it also gave you a bit of a boost to start the day.

mingi was still in the shower when 'Rocky' started playing. you were just putting your underwear on, wiggling your butt to the music. this was your favourite ateez song yet, it was hard not to sing and dance along to it.

you didn't hear your boyfriend come out of the shower so you kept getting ready, fluently belting out the lyrics as if your life depended on it. but your favourite part was yet to come.

mingi could hear you singing and grinned, peering his head through the crack of the door as you shouted "let's start the second round, fix on!" not able to contain his laughter, he chuckled loudly at your immense enthusiasm. at first, you didn't notice but when you did?

"mingi!" you pushed the door fully open to your boyfriend almost in tears "why are you laughing oh my gosh." you huffed and folded your arms over your chest. "you're just jealous that i'm a better rapper than you!"

wooyoung

you don't know how you ended up in a karaoke bar with your friends. perhaps your friends pressured you into singing. or perhaps you were too drunk to be affected by insecurities you once had before.

whichever it was, all you knew is that you were on the mini stage, your friends the only ones really paying attention and cheering you on loudly.

your chosen song? 'WONDERLAND', of course. thank goodness your boyfriend wasn't here to see you make a complete fool out of yourself, and all whilst singing one of his own songs, right??

well, i wouldn't get your hopes up because mid-song, your charming boyfriend wooyoung had entered the same bar with a couple of his friends. he was laughing hysterically at your off-beat singing and unnecessarily sexy dance moves. it was too funny not to record this on his phone.

when your... special performance ended, you could hear an all-familiar shrill laughter somewhere in the club. when you turned in that direction, your eyes met with your boyfriend's. and you knew at that moment he was never going to let you live this down.

jongho

the producers at kq entertainment would sometimes let you into the studio and mess around, just because you were friends with them as well as the partner of their beloved maknae. you did get certain privileges for being jongho's significant other and you were going to take advantage of that!

at one point, when things weren't so busy, you asked if you could have one of the studios to yourself while waiting for your boyfriend to finish his vocal practice.

you thought you would have a little vocal practice yourself. shoving the headphones over your ears, you could only hear yourself now. you hummed to yourself, wondering what you wanted to sing.

'Utopia' came to mind, and without a second thought, you started singing into the microphone. you were impressed by your own vocals, particularly when it came to jongho's lines.

you didn't notice him even enter the producer's booth on the other side of the glass, but he could hear your beautiful singing. he watched and listened intently, a small, proud smile playing on his lips.

[byechristopher]

can you make a pt.2 of “i want more” but like the middle of it….idk maybe chris asking his brothers advices about what to do and ugly crying, writing the letter….just an idea bc i’m mesmerized with this fic and you writing

I Want More. [0.2]

– CHRIS STURNIOLO ANGST & FLUFF.

PART ONE.

Author's note: thank you so much for the request, love! I loooove the idea that you gave me so, here you go, Chris' side to the story. Do not copy/steal my work. :)

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and w33d, little bit of angst. But that's pretty much it.

Playlist:

"Chris. I think we need to stop this thing between us."

I freeze. What?

I am pretty sure I look like a crazy man, because my eyes are wide open and I completely freeze. I can't quite understand what is going on inside my head, or my body, but something makes me feel like throwing up.

"What? Why?" I whisper and I wish I never asked that question.

"I don't feel like doing it anymore, sorry. It's for the better." she is cold as ice, I see her standing up, searching for her clothes. There's nothing I can possibly say that won't sound utterly insane. So I just watch her.

She is stiff and quick, she looks like she wants to be out of my house immediately. As soon as possible. I watch her leave.

It is the first time that I watch her leave and I can feel my chest becoming empty all of a sudden. I quickly put on my sweatpants and I run down the stairs, chasing after her but by the time I reach the door, she is already in the car.

Fucking hell.

A few days have passed since that incident and they have been the worst days of my life, I think.

It's only 10PM but I try to get some sleep, I don't want to stay awake for too long, because my thoughts will go wild again. But as soon as I close my eyes, I can feel my chest hurting, a knot in the stomach, a lump in my throat. It feels horrible. So horrible that I tell Nick.

"You know it's because of what happened with that friend of yours, right?" he emphasizes the word "friend", rolling his eyes sarcastically.

"Nick, I'm fucking telling you.. actual pain. Cut the bullshit!" I am so frustrated.

He shrugs and widens his eyes, practically face-palming his face, "Chris, you're in love with the girl, just admit it and shut the fuck up so we can all go to sleep!" he groans.

"Fucking hell, Nick. I shouldn't have told you anything!" my fist meets the table but Nick is unfazed. He knows my anger issues appear when I am feeling like this.

"Chris, I'm being serious. You're denying it so much that your body started to react to it. This is an actual thing that happens. And no matter what I tell you, you won't listen to me." his voice is calmer now and I know he's being serious, "so grow a pair and just tell her already!" he yells and turns to the other side, covering himself with a blanket.

"You've been really fucking helpful, Nick, thanks!" I scoff, closing the door behind me and then going back to my room.

This cannot be the case. Nick is just being an ass. But why does my chest hurt again now that I think of her?

I don't know how long it's been but I've been drinking. I don't know why, I'm not this type of person but, well, happens to the best of us. I try to find my lighter, grabbing the blunt I rolled just a few minutes ago, and heading outside so that I can smoke in peace.

I am outside of her house and I don't know how or why, but it feels right. I feel the need to cry, God, I am such a pussy. I call her. The moment I hear her voice, some tears escape my eyes. I cannot understand.

She comes outside and we start talking, with every word we say, my chest hurts even more.

".. that's not how friends with benefits are, Chris." there's not a way I can actually reply to her because she's right. That's not what friends do, but fuck, I'm scared.

I chew on my bottom lip nervously, "I don't know how to do this. I thought you liked how things were."

What the fuck am I even saying? I just keep messing up. But what she says next, messes me up.

"I want more", "grow a pair", "I want nothing to do with you".

Nick's words reappear in my head and I want to fucking run away. Instead, once again, I do what I do best. I suck it in and I fuck up, "so is this the end?" even the words feel heavy on me.

"I suppose so. Yes." I nod, my jaw is clenched and I can feel my heart breaking again. I turn around quickly, about to leave, because I can't keep my tears in place anymore. I hear the door shut behind me and I burst.

I turn around, walking towards her door again, drunk, high and ugly crying like a little boy. How embarrassing it would be if she ever saw me like this.

I don't remember how, but apparently I went home at some point, because I wake up in my own room. I immediately run downstairs to find Nick and Matt in the kitchen.

"I need help." I clear my throat.

"No shit." Nick rolls his eyes and Matt laughs.

"No, seriously. I need help. I went to her house yesterday. Drunk. And crying." Matt turns around to face me and so does Nick. They did not expect that, neither did I.

"Oh wow. You're actually in love." Matt continues to sip on his juice, and Nick slaps his hand over his mouth dramatically, "don't say that word, Matt! He'll go crazy." Nick says and I sigh.

"No, you're good. Because you two are right. And she's right. She confronted me, told me to grow a pair." I let my head fall on the hard surface of the table, forehead pressed against the wood. My brothers are both looking at me.

"Yeah, it was about time." Matt agrees and I would normally punch him, but I'm just a mess now.

"What do I do?" I groan.

"Go to her house again", "call her, duh", "send her flowers", "buy her chocolate?", "oh my God, plan a romantic date!".

The list of suggestions was long, needless to say, but it still just.. wasn't right. Then an idea came up and I stood up abruptly.

"Wait, I know!" not wanting to lose the creativity or the courage, I quickly run to them, giving them both a kiss on the cheek (which made us all cringe, but it's fine), and then quite literally run to my room.

I am outside of her house again; I've already knocked on the door, pushed the envelope underneath the door and this is the most nervous I've been in my whole life. I can't believe I just did that.

I can hear shuffling behind the door and I almost want to leave – almost. I don't. But I feel the stupid tears in my eyes again. What if she doesn't want this anymore? What if she just never opens the door? What if she hates me already? What if–

The door opens and she cries, and I'm crying. But she opened the door, does that mean–

Stop overthinking.

"I can't lose you. I promise, I will try for you. I will do anything for you." I whisper and I mean it, I'm hugging her so tightly.

"I love you, Chris."

Wow, it feels good. To hear someone say they love you and mean it.

"I am in love with you too."

Fucking hell. That feels just as good. To love someone and be able to let them know.

"Your handwriting still sucks."

I laugh, "fuck off."

Sorry, I didn't have time to proof-read, so, sorry if I have any typos. Pft. I was excited to upload it.

@loveesiren promised to tag you, queen. 🤍

[icedmetaltea]

x

Had the worst panic attack of my life today. The ear infection spread to my other ear and since then the muffled hearing has been a hair's width away from sending me into an attack. Not being able to hear my own breathing is as it turns out a super big trigger for me.

Today, it got too much. I could barely hear anything or anyone, barely make out what my parents were saying. I started having a really bad attack and we got in the car to go to the ER with hopes that they could drain my middle ears.

The closest one was 40 mins away. I had a panic attack the entire time, and by the time we got there I was full-on hysterical and screaming. I've never ever done that before. Idk like... normally I can at least hear myself wheezing so I know albeit distantly that I'm breathing. I couldn't hear myself breathing at all, so screaming felt like the only thing I could do. It was so visceral, I sounded like someone out of a horror movie, and I couldn't control it at all.

I feel so stupid, so cowardly, so guilty. I know I hurt my parents' eardrums, scared them half to death, ruined their fun day.

When we got there we had to wait 1 1/2 hrs just to see someone. The doctor said my ear infection was still bad in both ears and she prescribed me new antibiotics and some steroids to bring down the swelling so my middle ears can hopefully drain, so at least there's that...

I don't know how much the visit or the meds cost. Probably a lot. I can't get on medicaid here and am not on my parents' insurance, so I know it probably cost them a small fortune. I feel so guilty. I should've waited to call my regular doc for a normal appointment since he has a sliding scale. I just... lost it today.

Completely and utterly lost it. Now I'm terrified of what I'll do to myself next. Everything I've been scared of happening has happened. What's next, going deaf from the infection? Going full-on insane? I don't know but I know the universe will not hold back.

Also thinking I maybe should just delete this blog because let's be honest, I barely post anymore. All I do is whine. Nobody followed me for that. I don't even know if I'll ever get better. All I want to do right now is cut and hope that my mind will repress these memories so I never have to remember what I coward I am

[marenwithanm]

Inspired by this post right here , have a post I'd like to call

Ranking how easy each linked universe link would be to cosplay!

1-5, 1 being hard, 5 being easy

Read more if you dare ~

First up to bat is Sky!

So there's a lot of ways to approach his outfit. I think his shirt, pants and boots could easily be thrifted. Earrings too probably. Hack up a green shirt and put it back together with some slits and there you go. His white undershirt seems pretty simple too, minus the blue, but I'll come back to that.

The red wrap+belt might be a tad more difficult, I could argue for making the red wrap out of a base or from scratch. The cape though, make that from scratch. Thrift some white bedsheets and make a simple cape. You've got a lot of options for his blue designs. Vinyl appliques, topstitch some blue fabric, paint, even embroidery if you're crazy (like me lol)

I don't think his wig would be... Terribly difficult? He's just got chin length hair and bangs. I just feel like it would be hard to get volume into it and keep it from looking flat and lifeless.

The chainmail is where I stop bc. I know nothing about chainmail in cosplays. How make it? I met a guy once who made his own chainmail by individually twisting metal wire around itself for each loop, and I think that is utterly insane. I embroider and I don't even have the patience for that. But I wouldn't know an easier way to do that so ¯⁠\⁠(⁠°⁠_⁠o⁠)⁠/⁠¯

Overall Sky gets a 4/5 his base outfit is pretty darn simple with some minimal sewing knowledge required if you want it 100 percent accurate. His cape would be fairly easy to paint, so maybe not a beginner cosplay, but not too hard!

Now Four (sword not included)

So Four's tunic is where a lot of the difficulty comes in (clearly lol). I could see fusing four shirts together, but I would be concerned about the way they would fit together being different patterns, different fabrics, ect ect. I would probably not bother and just make his tunic from scratch. If you want 1000 percent accuracy, you could make his tunic lace up in the front, which would look awesome but is out of my skill set lol. His hood I feel like would need a couple mock ups to get the right shape. His whole tunic actually. It's kinda dress like. The drape is important if ya feel me.

Other things I would make would be his weird belt, his kinestones, and his Ezlo bobble (don't want it to be too heavy or else it would drag down the hood, so no metal = harder to thrift) For his earring I would probably dye a plastic feather.

Now his tunic would require quite a bit of embroidery, which sounds very fun to me, but a nightmare to many others I'm sure.

His wig would be pretty simple, but again I feel like it would be hard to make look good, especially with the headband. I'm not really a wig person so I wouldn't know though.

As for easy things, his tights, boots, and undershirt would be pretty simple to thrift or cobble together 👌

Overall Four gets a 2/5. Definitely not the easiest out there. There are ways you could make it easier on yourself, but there's quite a few skills you need to even start.

It's time for Time! (Kaepora Gaebora not included)

Oh Time buddy where do I even start...

Let's start with the easy stuff. His underclothes are super simple. Just black turtleneck and black pants. Thrift em, easy.

We've discussed how much I don't know about chainmail, so I'm choosing to ignore that. The boots I think depend on how much you care for accuracy. Brown boots are easy to come by. This particular style? Not so much. I've only ever modified shoes via paint so I wouldn't know all that much here.

With time's wig, I think the biggest thing would be getting his bangs right. I think using that combing backwards technique would work well, but I haven't used it so idk

Ok ok let's address the elephant in the room. I have no idea how to make armor. I know there's a lot of different methods, I've never used any of them, I don't know. Armor isn't necessarily gonna be harder than embroidery, but my complete lack of knowledge might tank time's score a bit.

For time I'm gonna give a 1/5. You gotta know quite a bit of cosplay stuff for this guy. I've done about four cosplays now, and I look at him and shudder in fear. Do Time if you're good with armor and chainmail.

Let's go downfall boys, starting with Legend (seasons rod not included)

I think legend's might be one of the most fun (for me lol) I could easily see both his tunics starting as thrifted bases which you hack up to fit the design a bit more. If you wanna be lazy, just find a blue beanie for his hat lol. If not, it's just a standard link hat but blue.

For his shoes, basically find some brown books and add some feathers. For his weird belt maybe buy a Hufflepuff scarf 😆. His bracket and rings could be super fun to thrift and modify if you're into that.

Now, admittedly, you would have to embroider stuff for legend, which hikes up the difficulty a lot lol. But whoopsie ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

I think his wig would be super fun. I don't know much about dying wigs, but this could be a fun project to learn about it bc it's such a small, low stakes section of his hair.

Overall, Legend gets a 3/5. The required embroidery makes things difficult, and modifying some bases to fit could be a bit hard, but overall seems like a super fun cosplay to put together.

The hero of Hyrule!

Ok so I feel like a lot of this outfit could be thrifted and modified. Just buy the pants, find a brown shirt and add yellow accents, maybe tear the sleeves off a green shirt, dip the neckline, and open the bottom up. Not too bad. I could see the boots being easy too. The gloves is where I'm not sure on. I've never actually made gloves bc I'm not good at sewing tiny, form fitting things. So I'm kinda ¯⁠\⁠(⁠°⁠_⁠o⁠)⁠/⁠¯

I think his potions could be fun to make. Of course, he doesn't have them in the comic, but hey it could add some depth to the costume. Just buy some glass bottles and line the insides with different paint colors. Could be a fun afternoon.

I'm not really sure where to start with his wig. Fluffy wigs are hard to make fluffy as far as I'm aware. Synthetic hair tends to lay quite flat. But I've seen ppl curl them, I know it's possible, but I don't really know how. So this is gonna be a "do your own research" thing.

Overall, debating between 4 or 5/5 for Hyrule. I think his getup is as hard as you make it really. If you go all out in accuracy, probably a 4. If not, a chill 5. Probably the simplest you'll get from the lu boys.

Child timeline with Twilight!

Not the chainmail 😭 we've established I simply do not know. I am actively ignoring it. Anyways, his under clothes are just white/cream pants and shirt, easy, thrift store. His tunic could be pretty simple, just take a green Tshirt, cut some slits, and transfer a dark green sleeve from another shirt and boom you got twilight tunic. The wrap wouldn't be to hard, basically the same as sky's so I'm just gonna move on.

I think if you don't wanna go to hard, his boots are easy, just get brown boots, thrift stores my beloved. But, on the other hand, twi's a cowboy, his boots gotta be intricate! I don't know much about shoes so I couldn't say how but y'know ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Twilights hair is basically the same as Time's in the bang's swoop being important. I think you could do it with a tutorial on wig styling 👍

So his wolf pelt... I'm not quite sure what to think. I know they make fabric that mimics fur, but the idea of letting that furry monstrosity near my sewing machine is giving me chills. I would have to clean it out after ever seam. I dunno man I'm afraid of that fur 😆

Let's give twilight a... 3/5? I'm really not sure what to do with his chainmail and wolf hoodie, but the rest of him doesn't seem too terrible. Basic sewing knowledge needed

The best timeline adult timeline with Wind!

Ok I lied when I said Hyrule was as simple as we were gonna get. Wind is challenging for that spot. Let's break this down. He's got a greenish undershirt, orange capris, and black booties. Thrift em.

Like four, most his difficulty comes in the tunic. But unlike four, you've got a lot of options. For legend and four, I only mentioned embroidery for their tunics because I don't know if other methods would look good in such small details. but with sky and wind, you can basically do whatever you want! Alter a blue shirt (or maybe dress with the length of his tunic) to fit the neckline and slit. Then, for the details, you could do embroidery (you're crazy, but sure), white fabric topstitched on (mostly worry about the curves), vinyl (again, you're crazy, but sure), even paint (underrated option in my opinion)!

His wig seems pretty easy, again just getting it to be fluffy is the issue. And that's one I can't help you with lol.

You could basically stop there, but if you want some finer details, the spoils bag would be a fun felt project, his swirl belt buckle seems like a job for polymer clay and paint, and I think a bead + gold wires and some kind of pink see through sheet could make a very cute joy pendant.

Another case of "as easy as you make it" let's give wind a more solid 4/5 since it's maybe slightly harder than Hyrule.

Nebulous timeline placement with Warriors!

Hhhhhhhhh I'm crying what. Chainmail, armor, and custom shoes???? Just kill me now.

Ok ok so we all know how I feel about chainmail and armor, I'm gonna leave those alone. He's got the same under clothes situation as twilight just white shirt and pants. His tunic I could see as a modified dress or very large shirt. Make the v neck the deepest v in the world lol.

He has... So many belts. I've not been mentioning belts unless they're weird bc, again, thrift store. But I. I think you're gonna buy out the whole store's worth of belts my goodness. But yes, you can modify belts to fit the areas he's wearing them.

His amazing scarf cape kind of scares me. It's too beautiful, it relys so much on the drape, and I am but a poor soul on the internet. Buuuut I could see maybe a deep blue knit fabric, or even just blue bedsheets at, again, the thrift store. I dunno what the orange is, if it's embroidery or what. I'd find a reference of it, but it's midnight and I've already spent way too long on this lol

The shoes... Like ok they're cool conceptually with them being a reference to historical army shoes. But you're not gonna find those out and about. Luckily, I think if you took some brown boots and did some cut outs in the back, you could get a similar affect.

Finally, his wig also kind of scares me bc his hair is so nice, but this one seems simple with some bangs styling required 👍

Overall warriors is getting a 1/5. I don't think he'd be as hard to make as time, but definitely harder than four with the shoulder armor, customized tunic, cape, and customized shoes.

Last but certainly not least, the Wild child!

So wild is basically a cartoonized version of his botw self, and there's plenty of botw link tutorials out there if you want some more advice. But! He doesn't seem too bad. He's got the white underclothes deal, easy to thrift. his tunic could just be blue with your choice of white applique like wind. You could be extra and do the dualing colors. Can't remember if wild keeps that design element in the comic itself, but it's neat! Basically Frankenstein two shirts together. The only concern would be how the different fabrics interact and how the differences in pattern and sizing interact. But with only 2 pieces it shouldn't be too bad.

His boots are as simple as you make them. If you want the orange flap, I could see it made out of some wiggly foam and painted. His arm wraps are basically any grey fabric in strips so I'll leave that to your disgression.

His cape doesn't seem all that hard, your choice of applique on the back, make it out of a simple cape pattern, basic sewing knowledge maybe required.

Honestly my mind concern is his wig since long wigs are always such a pain. But styling wise, looks pretty simple.

Overall, wild gets maybe a 3/5? About on par with legend, maybe a bit harder. Or maybe not necessarily harder than legend, but more effort.

Bonus Malon bc I love her

Another case of as hard as you make it. I don't think it would be too hard to find a pink skirt and white shirt. If you want it too be accurate, you'd have to do some finagling, but it wouldn't be too bad. Her waist wrap is similar to sky, and whatever that brown drape from her belt is doesn't seem to hard. Her yellow cape thing could honestly just be like a square of yellow fabric, it's all in how it's tied.

Shes another, simple shoes, unless you consider this is a cowgirl, they gotta be good wink wonk. but not actually, make it as hard as you want lol.

Honestly, her wig is what scares me most. She's got the time bangs and the long hair.

Let's give malon a 4 or 5/5 like Hyrule. As easy as you make it! Quite a range you can get while still having it look good.

[moki-dokie]

it will never, NEVER click with me how anyone can just be so fucking rude and weird about a foreigner not speaking your own language - but most especially english.

like. seriously. english is hard enough to learn for english speakers - and that's just the base rules of how to use the language. is there another language on earth right now with as many unique accents and dialects, some so extreme it barely even sounds like english anymore??? (china maybe?? that's about the only other language i consistently hear about having as many wildly diverse accents) english is not just english. there is NO standard english anymore, we've grown leaps and obunds beyond that. even the most common and basic rules of grammar may not fully apply depending on the flavor of english. there's like, what, 14 or something major dialects in the us and each of them have much more specific sub-dialects based around whatever major city is in the reigon. i don't know how many canada has but i've heard at least 3 unique dialects from them. don't get me started on uk dialects - those change drastically every fucking 5 miles. again idk how many australia has but i've absolutely heard a few variations. south africa, new zealand, most of the carribean - there are so so so so sooooooo many crazy unique and specific dialects that all come with their own specific rules of grammar and vocabulary. just think for a moment, as a native english speaker, when you last heard another native english speaker from somewhere else say something you've never heard of in your life and couldn't understand. now think about how much more impossible it'd be to grasp when you don't even speak the language to begin with. i struggle tremendously with understanding thick and heavy rural scottish. creole and cajun dialects don't even register as english to me despite living in very close proximity. the cadance of south african english is just different enough from other versions of english that it can sometimes take me a few minutes to sort of re-align my understanding and follow along. how does any native english speaker justify being so rude and cruel to those struggling to speak it??? it's fucking insanity.

but then for some people to have the fucking audacity to go into another country - a non-english country - and get upset?? there's gotta be some sort of psychological issue other than entitled white supremecy going on. there just has to be. no sane and sound person should ever believe that's acceptable RIGHT??? (i say this knowing full well that many, too many, americans specifically do in fact think this way but still. it is utterly baffling as an american. i don't understand i just don't.)

it's utterly delightful to me when people can even speak a few words of english in the right context. back when i was in medical we worked with a LOT of saudi exchange students who were taught like a grand total of 20 words before coming here. they could understand most of it fine, but speaking it was another thing. and every single time it was just so FUN and silly trying to go back and forth figuring out how to communicate a certain question or answer. i loved those that spoke enough english who could then teach me a word or two in arabic. i loved seeing the delight on their face when i'd say it right and i hope they felt the same way when they got english words right. i used to have a little old japanese lady patient. she was fluent in english, lived here in the us since she was like 20 something, but her accent was still thick and me being the old weaboo i am put my many many years of learning japanese pronunciation to the test one day when i called her back and this tiny old woman lit up like she was a young girl again. giddy as all fuck. she was just shocked and amazed how close i got to the proper way of saying her name. like, how long has she gone without hearing it said right, you know?? and i asked her to tell me how to say it right. we exchanged a few words back and forth. we laughed about how i learned most of it through anime and pocket dictionaries. she didn't even know japan had such a huge impact on us like that. seriously had never seen someone light up like that.

idk man i think it's one of the coolest human experiences to share languages and anyone who can't appreciate that is just soulless. plain and simple. learning to communicate with your fellow human is such a deep and satisfying connection. something we've been doing since the dawn of spoken language. it's fucking amazing. i will always always always adore it and respect it when anyone learns to speak any amount of english.

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

I always feel sort of betwixt and between when it comes to Anakin

When I watch RotS I really do just come away thinking Anakin is insane. He had a mental health crisis. Frankly the more people try to convince me Anakin was fully cognizent of himself and his choices and thought he was doing the right thing the more insane he sounds. He was not rational. It’s not like I think evil is caused by mental illness- I don’t think Dooku or Sidious are mentally ill. Sidious makes some big gambles and he got a little funny at the end with his father-son cage matches, but he’s just quirky. He’s a fully functioning evil little man. But Anakin? His neurons are misfiring. It’s the way everything he does is utterly and completely self destructive. He takes a nuke to nearly everything he ever cared about. He shreds himself piece by piece. Idk about everyone else but I only start to self-harm like that when I’m death spiralling. It’s the way less than a week ago he would have unhesitently given his life to defend the jedi but now he’s rambling about them being evil traitors. It’s the way he really does love Obi Wan but he betrays him. It’s the way he spends the next 20 years in an abusive relationship with his new master, punishing himself and everyone else the whole time. Vader was not a happy man, not even a tiny little bit. It’s the way there was no substantial internal logic at all to Palpatine’s deal but he doesn’t question it. Anakin is maybe not a genius but he’s not actually that stupid. He knows how negotiations with the enemy work. But reason had nothing to do with it. It’s the way there’s this clear through line in the movies where he keeps getting asked to choose between the jedi and his other family, and when he’s nine he chooses the jedi, a traumatic separation, but because of that he isn’t there to save his mother and he falls, a traumatic event, and then the same pattern of events begins to repeat itself in the form of his dreams, the beginning of the same sequence repeating, and Anakin, always wrapped in chains of destiny, is completely subsumed by the inevitable doom. Those dreams look and smell and taste like a trigger. All Sidious really had to do was confront him with that same recurring choice: the jedi or Padme. It didn’t matter that his terms were batshit. He can maybe help save her, a clear liability to his imperial plans, with some unspecified power he maybe has? But he hardly needed to sell it with logic. By that point Anakin was fucked up enough to believe the mere act of choosing Padme over the jedi would save her. Everything else would fall into place.

But it’s not like I think Anakin was some sweet guy before he snapped. Sometimes people really make him out to be too good before he fell. His negative traits are established back in AotC and carry on throughout tcw. He’s a already a baby fascist. He’s already extremely adept at dehumanising people. He murders a whole village of indigenous people and justifies it by claiming they’re animals. That didn’t come out of nowhere. He’s prone to violence. He tortures prisoners and lies about it to the other jedi. He knows full well that he’s privately acting in ways that go against the moral norms of his society, but he feels entitled to authority among them. Anakin as Vader is perfectly believable. Who he becomes when he loses his last marbles is defined by who he was when he still had them.

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[becauseplot]

Thanks for eating the brainfog it has abated for now 👍Crazy how like, sleeping and eating food will improve your mental state people should do this more often /sarc. Also yeah oof. At least have groceries now? Groceries in fridge yippee?

Yeah, if stainless steel could love you back sure is a. It sure is. I've only heard good things about it. A rare rated-E-for-goreviolence-and-nothing-else fic set after the regret arc with a hearty helping of paranoia, medical trauma, and insaneduo being, well, them.

Ohhhh that is so much actually. Love me a good fate-worse-than-death, and how time-travel means saving some but potentially losing others. And the fact that you can go back in time and see that he was a good, decent person all of this (because of COURSE he was, of course the writers decided to go for the gut-punch, ow ow ow.) The second-person fic sounds so interesting. I feel like a lot of people sleep on second-person---myself included. I just haven't had a reason to use second-person. It's very immersive, needless to say. If you're cool w it, and you don't think it would be utterly lost on me---someone who knows nothing about ffxiv (Final Fantasy 14 I'm assuming?)---I'd love to read it. (And yeah I know the feeling. It's why I suppose writing fic for yourself first and others second is so important, otherwise when you write something and the validation doesn't come it's ouch. I still get that feel tho, I've got some fics floating around that I wish got more attention but it's whatev we keep ballin.)

Gel pens my beloved holy shit. And yeah writing on paper helps so much, I still whip out a notebook on occasion when I'm struggling on a scene. Last time I did it was for *flips through current notebook* a scene in Prime Meridian, actually! It was over a month ago tho and just a few pages. Also godDAMN your sister is insane /pos that's like hardcore writing. Hats off to her jfc I'm scared of her now lmao.

Gently holding ghost child you deserved better :( <3 go home be safe.

Yeah I know what you're saying about qForever and being "tainted". Personally I'm fine reading fics with him but writing him is...like in theory I'm okay with it? Idk if I'd be ok writing his POV (tbf that might just be that I'm not comfortable in his POV bc I've never written it idk) but I'd definitely be hesitant to upload it. Maybe one day, if have qForever brainworms.

*deep breath* ARCHIVISTS ARCHIVISTS ARCHIVISTS RAHHHHH. Been a minute since I've done that. One of these days I will write for them unfortunately *rattles brain* HELLOOOOOOO?????

Fucking felt. That sounds really nice king, I'm glad. I'm currently holding out for the next few weeks until spring break comes and I get to travel home and see my family, as well as my friends who are also off at university. My spring break actually lines up with theirs this year so we can actually have a chance to hang out. God I miss them. Also I might land an internship at my cousin's work this summer so that would be Epic.

Cellbit is cracked beyond belief holy shit. Mans did two six hour (SIX HOUR) sessions in his second language and absolutely killed it, both literally and metaphorically. The way he says "I'm so sorry," is like driving a stake through my chest every single time I rewatch that clip. In that moment, he---the creator and orchestrator of this world---is directly apologizing to the characters because he knows what is going to happen, and he knows they cannot escape it, and he knows that it will fucking hurt in a way that the characters could never even begin to understand until it happens; and when he says it, you can tell that he, the narrator, is truthfully, genuinely sorry for them. Like dude that is so fucked up. That is so so so fucked up and it makes me want to throw up oh so violently 10/10.

Cannot wait to finish this series if not for the ending but for all the shit we can scream at each other about when I'm no longer in a spoiler danger zone. I'm making my way through ep 11 right now but haven't gotten very far (they're at the tavern and the townspeople are Not happy with them because they're suspicious but things seem to have been settled for now, and now the group is just discussing. And man the way that Joui's new form is starting to drive a wedge between them surely this won't escalate surely surely <-SCARED)

The membrane and the Order takes and takes and takes and takes. And Liz and Joui and Thiago make me insane and Ceasar and Arthur are so so much and if anything happens to them,,,, hhhorugh. Tengo miedo tengo miedo.

Sounds like a good time dude, have fun pulling the rug out from under your players :D Lots of working parts which are cool but also *work* I get it, I get it. Corpse expert Factorial on the case o7.

Man that professor was like, one of the best profs I've ever had. Never seen someone so outright passionate about what they were teaching, and he always took suggestions and feedback from the students. Every week we'd do reading and have a question prompt and just have a full class discussion. Genuinely one of the most eye-opening classes I've ever taken fr.

Yeah, Mysticism sure is. It's a lot! Interesting, but a lot to think about. The More is supposed to be part wonderful part terrifying part a billion other confusing things. Whole lotta Shit(tm), I get it. Life be Life-ing and sometimes it's great and sometimes it hates you and sometimes you just sit on the couch with a friend and laugh at shitty reality TV and breathe.

Make another au do it I dare you <-demons on your shoulders ignore them (or dont)

Ohhhhh more music!! Fucking love music oohohohoh. I'll check them out. I've got a lecture starting in like 60 seconds so I gotta run but I'm adding them to the list later rest-assured!! :D

finished ep 10 of osnf (long post under the cut oh lord)

crying sobbing kicking over chairs screaming CELLBIT IS AN EVIL EVIL MAN WHY WOULD HE DO THAT. FOR WHAT REASON. POR CUAL RAZÓN. LO ODIO. <-said with the utmost adoration and respect of a writer but the fury of a fan who just had to endure all of that my hearttttt 0(-(

god fuck i have thoughts and feelings regarding episode 10 of osnf. obviously. i don't even know how to start.

okay. first of all the way that he was able to orchestrate the like 57839 different POVs of the nightmare happening at the same time was actually pretty smooth, all things considered. being able to forcibly mute/deafen the others is a good thing to be able to do yesyes.

second, im losing my mind over how he hides the fact that "it's all a dream" WITHIN the "it's all a dream" trope by having the creatures be manifestations of dreams/guilt in "reality" themselves. idk if i'm making any sense, but like, you get it, right? like, it's the fact that we thought we had already discovered the dream-based deceit in the segment because of what the "Hotelier" told Joui at the start of it, but it turns out that THAT was a red-herring of sorts for the TRUE dream-based deceit, that EVERYTHING was a dream, not just the creatures. god there are fucking layers to this im foaming at the mouth that's soooo good.

i guess that's what makes the "it's all a dream"-style trope present here feel less cliche. because, you know, it is a trope, and it's not really a trope that i'm fond of, but because there's actually more going on, it feels less cheap. what certainly helps is that the fact that it's roleplay, so the reactions from the characters are so much more raw, and there are some irl stakes (character dead = out of the series = can't play anymore). that definitely keeps you on the edge of your seat.

edit: something i forgot to mention—what i dislike abt the “it’s all a dream” trope the most is that it is very easily something that can be so, so cheap. all angst, no stakes or consequences, no lasting impact on the plot on the characters. however, not only is there a “physical” impact via several characters losing SHITLOADS of sanity (something not easily recovered) but we get to see a little more into the psyche of the characters. which i suppose is often the point of the “it’s all a dream” segments, but this dream—one with a lot of references to past major character death and itself contains major character death—rings especially true for the themes of the series: the world they live in is dangerous, and the work they do is lethal. people have and will die. and they do and will feel guilty, reguardless if they are at fault. it’s not a horrifying death dream just for the sake of being a death dream, it feels grounded in their reality, and i love that.

third, man he did not hold back. when Arthur was being beaten to a pulp by not!Brúlio, i was actually in shock, i was screaming. plus, i think the fact that Cellbit rolled a 001 when not!Brúlio attacked actually helped to hide the fact that this was a dream. it made it look like it was bad luck rather than the segment was designed to kill the characters (well, at least until he revealed that the damage was 1d4+1d6, but i'll get to that later).

gosh the narration of how not!Brúlio killed Arthur. holy shit. i don't. i don't even have words, that is DEVASTATING. that is probably one of the worst ways for a person to go. i know it's a dream but if i were Arthur i would be emotionally fucked up beyond belief. beaten to a bloody pulp by the father who once loved you so much, screaming at you for abandoning him and that it's your fault he died a horrible death. and then he drops your body on the ground like you're nothing but a pile of useless meat. god. damn.

and then Liz. ohhhh Liz. i just. i was devastated. her whole struggle with Alex, the man she treated so horribly. yes it's true the real Alex never would have said these things to you, but how do you know he wasn't thinking it? that he didn't want to? that what not!Alex says doesn't hold some truth? christttt. and of course the way she dies: in complete agony. and did she forgive herself? because, unlike with not!Brúlio, the creature turned into that weird wispy black thing just as she died, and i would assume that means she forgave herself (if those rules even apply considering this was all a result of the parasite's deceit (holy hell my brain is melting i am the man with the hand on the conspiracy board)).

fourth: the 1d4+1d6 thing! when he read that out, i was stunned. that is a LOT of damage considering all of the characters have ~10 HP. with an extreme roll, that's basically an insta-kill, or it's easily a two-hit-kill. i thought Arthur was unlucky, but when Liz also went down, i was---well, devastated, at first, because that's Liz, she's my absolute favorite and i love her, but i started going through all five stages of grief at once, and at some point i arrived at "no that can't be right" because Cellbit is a good writer. and to deliberately construct a scenario where it would be VERY hard for a character to survive while still in the middle of the story? yeah. and yknow the fact that there's still 6 other episodes fhdsjk. (then again the series continues regardless if a character dies and i haven't looked at other episodes' thumbnails or anything like that for this exact reason. so. i was going in as blind as i could reasonably be.)

in any case, realizing and connecting all of this and then hearing the "Hotelier" start yelling at Joui right after Liz died explicitly blaming him for it sealed it for me: this is a trick of some sort. this is a dream sequence of some sort. these aren't real deaths. (a smaller part of me was still scared that they were real because i know that Cellbit does not shy away from killing off his players' characters, if op and opq are anything to go by. but i digress.)

and then the characters turned to black goo. and i just about threw my computer. rip Luba who got absolutely targeted by the GM lmfao.

anyway uhhh that's about it regarding the dream sequence! loving luzidius!joui and how he just keeps switching back and forth. ((and it further supports my little side-theory that the mysterious blond woman last seen with Team Kelvin was a luzidious we win these.)) i was surprised to see Liz thinking it was so cool when she's been so suspicious of everything in Santo Berco since she got here, but i think she could definitely be using it as a distraction from what she just went through, and honestly she's just happy to see Joui is okay. (the way she gave on up words and just hugged him, the way she held his face in her hands, the way she dragged him down the hall to show Thiago and Thiago was just telling her to fuck off (/aff) because he was getting dressed, my heartttt i love these three, mentor-mentee dynamics my fucking beloved)

also new outfits! sweet! istg the new outfits are so Cellbit's way of apologizing for putting his friends through that. "hey sorry i killed your character in the most emotionally devastating way possible it will happen again wOAH LOOK AT THESE NEW CLOTHES AREN'T THEY SO COOL YOU SHOULD TRY THEM ON!!!"

i've been having mixed feelings about the sudden setting/genre change since the group arrived in Santo Berco. i really, really loved the urban horror-fantasy vibe that they had going on in op and the first 8 eps of osnf, but evidently, this is good as well. the genre is most definitely still horror yippee. i definitely miss the urban-modern setting, but i think i can get adjusted to this. (i'm just,,, not the biggest fan of the auto-heal crystals im sorry i had to say it they feel too op i know their use is limited to visiting the doctor but knowing they exist lowers the in-world stakes for me im sorry---)

anyway, ep 10! you beautiful monster! i have been typing for an hour! i need to go eat food! k bye!

[constantlyunlightening]

Glory

Day 8: Glory Hole w/ Enji Todoroki

Warnings/other kinks: anonymous sex (obvi), creampie, depression, a n g s t

Nobody asked for this. Nobody wanted me to write an angsty glory hole fic for a depressed, touch starved Endeavor but here it is anyway. Man, idk. Anyway, Endeavor is certainly having a redemption arch and is working on healing but I refuse to believe he ain’t depressed with the realization of his own actions. So. Have this.

Disclaimer: 18+ years or older to read. All characters are 20+ years. ALSO, sex work is sort of written as something shameful here but it’s not (just be safe ya’ll) but Enji is a very strict sort of guy and I was working in his voice a bit here. 

What the hell was he doing here? Some hero he was.

Even with the baggy clothes, the mask and the hood dropped over his head, he felt like he stood out like a sore thumb. He was out of place - out of line. He was probably fine. Number one hero or not, under all the extra fabric, he’d be hard to pinpoint without the famous shroud of flames he always coated himself in. But, still, being at a seedy hook up place like this? It was so beneath him. It was so underneath the standards he usually held his pride and himself too. He was the very definition of a hero.

At least he used to think he was. 

Nowadays he wasn’t so sure. He worked hard at his work - painfully and endlessly hard. And regardless if he had rightfully earned the spot or not, he was the top hero. But at what cost? A hero to the public but a villain to his own family.

Maybe a run down, shady place like this was exactly where he belongs.

Enji shifted his weight, feeling like he should back out now. This felt wrong. But his legs were heavy and refused to move. At least not until he heard the soft voice of a women who had slipped into the room, her face hidden by a white mask covering the bottom half of her face. “Your room is ready, sir. Remember, all of our girls are completely clean and anonymous, but if you have an issue with her, you’re more than welcome to ask to change,” she explained her voice a little too cotton candy sweet to be working in such hole in the wall place. Yet, here she was, leading Enji down the dimly lit hallway, the rooms filled with muffled moans and cries that made him question what he was really doing here.

Eventually the attendant brought him to a door at the end of the hallway and gestured for him to open the door as she gave an all too pleasant grin. “It’s all yours. Have fun.”

And with that, she was turning around and walking away as his eyes came to rest on the old silver knob of a door. What pathetic lengths he was stooping to. Maybe there wasn’t anything inherently bad about a place like this, a brothel didn’t necessarily scream heroic. 

Although, he had been questioning what a hero actually was. 

Sure, he saved lives day in and day out but what good was that when you couldn’t protect the ones you care about? When you realized you were the one who ruined the ones you care about?

With Allmight retiring and Enji’s long-consuming determination to best him ending with his hollowed victory, Enji was left with his thoughts more. No longer was he plagued by the desire to be number one, but instead he was haunted by the actions he had done to get there. And the fact that he had only became number one because Allmight had all but fallen was an even bigger kick in the gut. His rise was not one that felt like it was created by glory, but one that was shrouded with misdeeds and an empty win. He was trying to be better. He was trying to not just be the number one hero by title, but in his actions and ideology as well. He was trying to be a better person too. 

No longer consumed with the drive to be the best, he now had the time to think about other things - feel other things than sheer determination. He felt regret. He realized he cared about something more than his work. He realized he cared more than he was used to. He wasn’t used to feeling so much. He wasn’t prepared to deal with the emotions he carried for his family- his kids - now that he could see them for more than just their power. He wasn’t prepared for the emotional weight of his damage to come crashing down on him.

If none of his children ever talked to him again, he was prepared to let them live on without him. He would face up to the consequences. But now with all that time to think, the mental toll was too much to bare. Regret, anger, depression, loneliness. He was dragged into the depths of it all, even as he kept the poker face facade as he went about his hero work. 

He missed real human connection. He craved it.

But he had decided he didn’t actually deserve it. 

That’s where this place came in. It was a physical reprieve at least. Here he could at least gain that human contact without the risk of creating another emotional burden on anyone else. It would serve as a stress relief as well as a point of contact in an attempt to regain a bit of the humanity in him - he felt like it had faded all to much. 

He had steeled himself to work through it. But even the strongest man in the world had to bare with moments of weakness. 

He would wake up with a sense of regret, he was certain, but for a brief moment, he would find temporary solace between the legs of a women he never met and would never meet.

So he opened the door revealing you.

Well, half of you anyway. You were halfway up the wall - hips and below only. You were pushed partly through a glory hole in the wall, your legs suspended by your ankles straight against the wall. You were a mounted animal - captured by a hunt and put on display. He almost felt bad for you. Did your legs hurt being in that position? Did you even want to be here? He was assured that all the women here were here of their own volition but he had a nagging sense of guilt lingered within his gut. 

It was his chance to leave but… despite his guilt, a more selfish instinct overcame him. If it wasn’t him it would just be somebody else anyway.

So he walked in and shut the door behind him.

If you heard his heavy footsteps into the room, he couldn’t tell by the parts of you that were showing. He made his way up until he was right before your presentation and hesitantly, a large hand traced over the inside of a suspended leg. Maybe his brain was telling him this was wrong, but the second he felt how soft you were under his calloused hands, he knew he had lost the willpower to leave. 

When was the last time he had even touched something so soft? An emotion he couldn’t quite place bubbled up inside of him. His heart panged and he felt like he was about to cry. Utterly ridiculous. But it was true all the same.

“Pretty,” a whisper escaped him, one he didn’t think you’d be able to hear through the walls, but your leg seemed to twitch under his touch all the same. He would have wondered what you were thinking about but he was too preoccupied with the urge to let his lips follow the path of his hand, starting at your calf with gentle kisses, relishing in the warmth radiating from you. His kisses moved lower, lower, and he felt like he could get lost in the physical feel of it. It felt insanely intimate but he knew it was an illusion brought on through the loneliness that had pitted into his stomach. Attachment grown from desperation. He was paying you. He didn’t know your name or who you were. He couldn’t even see you face. This wasn’t the time to be feeling intimate, this wasn’t the time to be feeling anything other than base urges. 

He came to this exact place to keep himself separated - detached. Your plush skin may be sucking him in but he refused to forget himself. No matter what thoughts he had during the act.

He resteeled himself. Fuck, don’t feel. And with that, he was pulling his lips off and instead focused on drawing himself from his pants, wrapping his hand around the base of his erection. Apparently those simple touches and the sight of you splayed before him was enough to get his body craving more. And he acted on it.

The brothel you worked for already had you well lubed up for him - it was something about letting the customer get right down to buisness….. 

However, when Enji finished prepping himself, he still heard the shocked yelp of a sound you produced from behind the wall as he pushed himself into you. The number one hero had the accommodations to match his size in any case, and he could tell you were feeling it, even without seeing your face. Your body clamped down on the intrusion so tightly he could have came on the spot. He couldn’t remember how this felt either. It was mind-numbingly good. It was good he couldn’t see your face because in his desperation and newly found emotions, he may have fallen for you on the spot. 

Fuck, don’t feel. Fuck, don’t feel.

He wasn’t here to feed his emptiness. He was here to blow off steam. He needed to start acting like it or this whole endeavor would be pointless. It wasn’t mercy that kept him still inside you - he wasn’t letting you adjust. No, he was simply committing himself to a decision.

Fuck, don’t feel.

He felt you startle under the grip that wrapped around your calves, but he didn’t have time to give it much thought as he proceeded to wreck your insides. The feather soft kisses he had placed on your legs didn’t feel like they were from the same person who was now pounding into you like an animal, rattling the wall as your cries pierced through any sort of barriers between the two. He relished in each and every tremor you produced around his length as he sank himself into your velvety walls. So warm. He was the flame hero but you were the one burning him up as his hands bruised around your legs.

He ignored the way the voice screaming out made him want to see you even more. He could burn this wall down in a flash - finally have his moment of connection - but he forced himself to settle for pretending the cries you gave out were his name. No longer a scramble of whines and whimpers as he rutted into the wet body before him, but in his mind they were a chant of “Enji”.

The loneliness was going to drive him insane but for now he embraced the fantasy as his forehead pressed against the wall, taking in your echos as best as he could.

He was growling, straining his voice to not make a sound lest you recognize his voice. But he had to make some sort of noise. The way you wrapped around him was sinfully divine and his nerves were ignited with lust.

He was a more than a little twisted right now, but he was determined to leave a mark on you. He would never have to know what a monster he was, but he could still drive his imprint into you as if he were someone worth letting his impression linger. 

Maybe he could make you feel a fraction of the stars he was feeling with your warmth. He could forget about his sins and focus on you, and the way you trembled and the way your voice peaked from behind the wall with a muffled - “more!” He would oblige. You could have asked the world of him and in this very moment, he may just try to fulfill it. More, he could do. More is what you got. 

His hands danced lower, finally gripping at the center of open thighs as he hammered somehow faster still. The hero work, if anything, at least gave him a surpless of strength and stamina. The room appeared to be vibrating with the way the thin walls shook. And each time you seemed to tighten or squeeze around him, it just spurred him on, throwing his own senses into carnal lust. The sensation became to much for the woman in the wall to handle and Enji shuddered as he felt your orgasm strangle his cock and he couldn’t stop himself from forcing himself in deeper anyway until his balls were flush against your ass. He unloaded right into the heat he was holding tight against, letting you milk all he had to offer. Another point of connection, fluids mixing together and he felt a gross sense of satisfaction as he listened to the way you whimpered, felt your walls flutter against him in the afterwards.

He wasn’t here to make connections, but with the urge to hold close the woman he had shared his first contact with in how long- the urge to burn down this whole wall was even stronger now. He was going to have to leave to stop himself from making yet another mistake.

[lime-gutz]

The mercs with a SO with telekinetic abilities? Kinda like Stephen King’s Carrie White ( can usually control it but sometimes will go into a trance and cause all sorts of anarchy when horribly overwhelmed) If you don’t want to do all of them how about medic, scout, and spy :3

OOOOOOO okay that concept sounds really fucking interesting. As we all know the tf2 universe is wack as hell and so like, yeah this concept..

Let's get general hcs out of the way before going into specifics with each of the 3 to give everyone a better understanding of like...my thought process??? (I'll mention the other ones in passing through this but I'll be focusing on the specific 3 you've given me).

I imagine if there was such a 10th class, one that is telekinetic, I'll be calling them the Telepath as their class name, I assume would have gotten such an ability through means of. Well. Obviously telekinesis is very not normal so this could go lots of ways, taking into account that you mention specifically causing anarchy when overwhelmed/experiencing a breakdown I wanna be fun and say the Telepath got this ability in the form of a curse. (For what? Idk have fun with deciding, I'd like to hear!)

I would like to say they've been experiencing this curse for years of their life and had grown old enough with it to the point of knowing how to keep such an ability in check as, when not doing that it could lead to dire consequences. That being in the form of a completely wrecked house or general surroundings.

So by the time they were employed as a mercenary they are well fitted with the knowledge of how they know it works, how they personally deal with it, how far this ability can really go as in they know their limits, and how to control/keep themselves in check as to not break anything..doesn't mean that absolutely nothing happens of course but for the most part, is able to keep things unbroken.

Now, with that out of the way, let's get into the 3 specific mercs you've picked for me to talk about.

Medic:

(General)

You had his attention ever since he read the words "Telekinetic" on your papers that were given for him to observe any medical records! He was excited to meet you..and experiment on/with you specifically. No doctor just has patients with telekinesis!! He's most definitely going to take every opportunity he can to run experiments on you to see just how much the difference goes between you and just a normal human subject.

Practically bouncing on the heels of his feet, his hand lightly shaking under your firm hold of a handshake, an unsettling grin on his features as you both shook has when you first met but..again! He was excited and eager to start whenever he can with the experiments he has planned.

Insanely talkative with you during said experiments. He gets like this when he's eager to devour any knowledge and experience he can get his bloodied hands on..and talking helps him think more. He can talk about just. Super casual things that has nothing to do with what he's doing or talking about what he's doing in the moment (although you're not sure if it's for your sake or if it's just a habit he does for himself.)

Finds it absolutely rejuvenating to watch you fight on the field. You're really something! It's glorious to see your telekinesis abilities in action, while your abilities can only do so much, the much it could do was such a sight! Ohoho!! How you can break enemy bones, their blood decorating the hot sandy grounds of the desert, how you can use the rough terrain to your advantage and gain the upper hand..You're thrilling to watch.

While he can see some restraint on your part when it comes to keeping your emotions in check the best way you possibly can, (as he is well aware of what can come of you becoming wildly overwhelmed) He still chooses to work with you more on how to better your ways of doing so...better??

He's not the most patient man, not by a wide margin or patient in any sense of the word, he has to understand that it also wouldn't be wise to just. Fly off the handle when getting frustrated with you in particular for whatever reason as doing so would result in a completely wrecked base. He keeps this in mind because once they've all experienced such an attack its not really something that you can really forget ya know? That's not to say he's softer with you when talking to you or being less blunt but he can show some restraint on his own emotions just a bit for you.

(Romantic)

-apologies if the telekinetics aren't really talked about here, I feel like overall telekinetics are used more so on the battle field and not for everything the Telepath does

Realizes that overall, you've done a good job managing yourself when it comes to being grounded and staying calm in situations where he could even say he probably wouldn't be as calm. Accompany this with you willingly working with him to find perhaps even better solutions to better dealing with it and you then gain just a bit of admiration on the "doctor's" part.

I view Medic as someone who's generally more willing to let looser when he's around someone he's particularly close with. More fun, less...serious if you will?? Sure he's generally jovial and not serious, but I imagine he's even more so when around company he actually enjoys being around so it's no surprise it's what he started doing with you if you both actually gained a bit of a friendship.

It's a common occurrence to see you both messing with each other in a playful manner, nothing downright cruel or mean, just playful. Ex. When he tries the "Ohoho! You can't possibly reach what you're wanting! Look at how short you are compared to me!" Being a tall man and holding something out of your reach to which using your telepathetic abilities you're able to slip said thing out of his hands quite easily, which leaves the man chuckling as he means it all in good fun.

If you're sitting there like "wtf I want some soft stuff too give it to me you bitch" I reply "okay man mfuck" and give you the softer stuff like, right now. Never fails to get a small smile out of him if you were to use your telekinetics to just brush a stray hair our of his face and smooth it back in place to keep his hair neat. Or if you use it to push his spectacles gently back on his face correctly and no longer crooked on his nose.

Enjoys just the simple touches such as you hooking his arm with yours as he works for a little bit if the work he's doing doesn't require a lot of movement, or just a simple kiss to his cheeks and nose..maybe a peck to his lips if he's busy with something. Not to say he doesn't enjoy more lingering touches when he's not horribly busy however!

Quite enjoys laying his head against yours and leaning some of his body weight onto yours and you doing the same back to him as to balance the both of you out into something more comfortable. He finds that your presence is good to have while he works, helps him feel down to earth and less tightly wrapped in his spiels of thoughts.

Scout:

(General)

Finds that your presence and abilities are both handy on field, although he insists you're not as good as him..he's not gonna not give you credit for how utterly fucking cool it is to see someone use something that resembles literal super powers!! But! He also finds your skills useful for playing any tricks on an unsuspecting teammate...if you're in on it of course, if not he'll complain and whine to you that you should at least try it with him and to think of how cool and funny it would be if you did.

Beg you to do things like, for instance, could you make him fly in the air? Your abilities can only go so far of course and not wanting to disappoint, you were successful!...for a few minutes before his ass flopped onto the floor and he got a bloody nose. However as if blood was not dripping from his face currently he was insistent that they have got to try it again sometime!! Flying felt so cool!!

Probably the teammate who has the most interest in your abilities solely for the fact he thinks it's super cool and only thinks of cool ways for you to use it cause..c'mon!!! He doesn't understand why you wouldn't just use it all the time it would make SO many things easier!!

In an attempt to understand you as a person better and how you live with such an ability he's keen on asking questions if you don't get annoyed with him asking so many and then shooing him off. His questions are more so for curiosity and getting to know you reasons as opposed to Medic's who curiosity was mostly scientific.

He's a dude who has a sense of longing to have..someone to like/relate to. Someone to trust and call his friend! And if you're able to show him that you're someone who can deal with his antics, questions, and things that others will find annoying but are things you accept of him..hey man. You got his loyalty and friendship. Take good care of that.

He really likes to talk about just a bunch of things if you're someone he considers a friend. He's not holding back! He's gonna let you hear all of thoughts he has in the world! Or..talk to you about more serious things that only you as friends would share with each other and no one else perhaps...his worries with his mom and knucklehead brothers, or you and your worries.

(Romantic)

Scout is someone that could be described as super touchy with those he feels close enough to. Which st this base, he doesn't consider anybody quite close enough for anyone to ever see. 'Cept you of course. Growing closer to Scout he's way more comfortable wrapping an arm over your shoulders, giving you side hugs, bumping your side with his affectionately and such.

Okay in his defense with that date he tried to set up with Pauling he totally wasn't expecting a giant fucking mutant bread to come and attack the lot of them so, technically while Spy considers him a failure in the department of wooing women the set up of the date wasn't....horrible???? I mean. It looked like a prom yeah but hey! He's learned a thing or 2 from that experience and so he's more likely to have something at least slightly suited more to your tastes since he's gotten to know you better.

You like to push his cap over his eyes quickly with just a flick of your telekinesis before battle starts, leaving him to laugh and fix it before he quickly and effortlessly catches right back up to you anyways. It's okay though, he gets you back later by pressing a cold beer to your neck if the battle is won.

If given the go ahead by you he'll sit with you somewhere and have either an arm draped over your shoulder or your head on his chest as drones on and on about whatever it is he's currently thinking about. He likes talking, and you like listening to him talk even if you don't follow every single thing he says, you get some comfort out of it.

He won't admit to anyone..but you maybe, that your a huge softspot he has. Like, his family is his softspot..and with family that includes his mom, his brothers, and you to some extent, and he'll be sure to remind you every now and again that he's loyal to you and only you. You can trust him when tells you, but reminding you about that fact never hurts!

Overall, he trusts and loves you to the fullest and he can only hope that you return both of those in full back to him. He's indulged the most information about himself personally and his worries to you and only you, and you've done the same for him.

Spy:

(General)

Standoffish with you in your initial meeting. Your first impression of him was one you couldn't really say was kind or nice in anyway. While the man wasn't downright cruel he still couldn't be described as nice. After all, he did blow smoke in your face upon initial meeting. However, you didn't return this first impression in kind back as you were quick to gather the smoke blown at you in a sphere kind of shape and have it blown right back in his own face, his expression souring quite a bit.

He can be mad all he wants, but you let it be known on your first meeting that you're not letting yourself get pushed around. Something that while not in that moment, he grows to appreciate and admire that you're not gonna let people like him walk all over you.

Once you've proven your worth as a teammate to be welcomed on the team by proving yourself in the face of battle, he's lightens up on you considerably. He views his actions as a sort of..tough love kind of situation if you will. He figures that, if you're really deemed fit enough to have your own spot on the team with the rest of them..then he has no need to keep being tough on you as he thinks it would no longer be necessary if you're already here to stay correct?

Finds some of your antics when using your telekinesis amusing..not that he would admit that out loud of course. You swear you might of heard a sucking in of breath to laugh, soft chuckles, or hell even a few snorts from this man a few times when you mess with people but..you also didn't have proof it was him so you wouldn't know completely.

Has admitted to you at one point that you were more tolerable to be around as opposed to the other teammates, not to say that none of them could hold good conversation no, but most could get a bit tiring to socialize with and it was quick to make him want to reside back in his smoking room. You however, were someone he can actually bear to talk to for more than an hour.

Can also admire your skill and how well in check you can keep yourself, it shows serious restraint on your part and that's not so easy for everyone. He finds it admirable that you try so hard as to not cause any kind of harm to anyone or break anything.

(Romantic)

Okay dunno if you can tell but this guy is very much not a low key kind of partner. He's one to shell out quite a pretty penny on gifts he knows you'll enjoy or dates he takes you on. It's a love language of his.

Is also not low key at all when it comes to affection much in public. Hand holding, kisses to the corner of your mouth, kisses to your hands and forehead, the works of that sort but is sure to not overwhelm you if you're not to heavy on that.

You can give the love back whenever you're on the base, super simple things that sure, aren't as out there as Spy's but are gestures he can appreciate no matter how small they are. Using your telekinesis to fetch him a lighter from across the room as to not have him get up to retrieve it, or to use it to tidy up his tie or flick dust and dirt off of his pristine suit.

You find that although unwilling to part with too much information himself, he's very much listening to things you have to say. A sharp eared good listener if you will, he supposes all of those years of eavesdropping on his end has done him some good as he's very much still listening even though he may be occupied with something.

Indulges himself in your company far more than anyone else. Mostly in the dark evenings as he's usually off doing his own things after battle whatever those things may be. Isn't one to talk about work when everyone is clearly not having to do it as of right now, he just wants to wind down at least a tad (as he never allows himself to completely relax as that would pose a danger to the kind of job he has of course.)

Finds that your a good reading partner, not for reading out loud to or you reading out loud for him but, you're someone good to be around if you wish to work around someone who has a bit of life around them as although silent in speech you're not silent in activities that don't require talking. Reading for example, you don't speak but you're also not silent, your soft breathing, maybe the quiet whistle of your nose as you breath out, the light sound of your bouncing your leg against fabric, or just the sound of rustling and turning pages. It calms him.

[nikkoliferous]

Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram: 

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all. 

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

—

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy 

Just wanna remind everyone that this 

is why he’s smiling during this scene 

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂 

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring. 

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger 

Honestly, though, big mood. 

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway. 

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather. 

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is. 

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.  

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess… 

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD. 

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol 

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol 

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit. 

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

[tigerdrop]

dogboy gordon rutting against benreys leg in the same way that benrey did it in the reverse. benrey encouraging him and also making fun of him in the same breath. yummy brain thoughts. i am rotating this

jesus christ i started thinking about dogboy gordon and have not stopped thinking. theres 7k words of dogboy stuff under here im going insane

how in the. help. Help. dog boy. how does he become dogboy. i cant keep giving these idiots potions but i guess thats what ive been reduced to

gman turns him into a dog boy. walks thru a portal and comes out in nintendogs but hes the dog and when he comes back out again hes still a little bit dogy. this is fucking stupid

THE TAIL WAGGING im going to pass away

> i think he would have such fucking issues with the fact that his tail and ears are expressing his emotions so much

trying to act angry towards benrey but hes given away by his tail wagging like crazy......and he never even knows its happening until somebody points it out

it would be cool if. um. he got a little more into roughhousing and rough play afterward. you know. like a . hes already really handsy......physical. . .. .

> okay like the anger turning into somewhat-serious jostling and pushing which turns into roughhousing

its not even horny at first it just gives him the weirdest fucking endorphins. like. its fucking fun man

> and by the time theyre roughhousing his tail is wagging furiously and like thumping on the floor when he gets pinned haha

> YES its about the exhilaration ......he gets this rush from flipping benrey over after he's pinning him, baring his teeth triumphantly

benrey pinning him by his wrists and half-laughing at him like "what the fuck is wrong with you??" and the rest of the science team chimes in like YEAH WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS WHAT WAS THAT

> gordon comes back to himself and turns red immediately and splutters like "i dont know! what - im just - benrey started it!” so like he refuses to do it again but then benrey pushes his buttons and he gets in his face, ears pinned back a bit and shoves him and benreys like oh...so its this again huh...

GOD......PUSHING HIS BUTTONS.......its sooo much fun now that gordons so physically reactive too

> what if he manages to get an honest to god growl out of gordon at one point and it makes something ugly twist in benrey's gut and he wants to make it happen again

and its probably really gratifying for him to see just how often gordons tail wags when gordon looks at him or snorts at one of his jokes

TWO SIDES

> the duality of their relationship....gordons tail wagging just a bit when hes looking at benrey though im

> im thinking about the growling though like...benrey gets fixated on how he fucking sounds, all deep and rumbly and this intensity just focused on benrey only....makes him think about how that would look in other contexts....

> benrey riling him up while their roughousing so he can feel that growl travel through his chest and like...getting gordon to that point makes him SO determined to win the "fight" over benrey hes almost a bit out of his mind with it......pins benrey and subconsciously ruts against him a bit as a sign of dominance....please stop me now goodbye....

NO LITERALLY THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MOMENT I STARTED TYPING

prodding gordon further and further and riling him up until gordon pins him to the floor, hard, an arm jammed behind his back and his HEV suit jammed up against benreys ass and rutting subconsciously as gordon. h. gordon. clamps down on the back of his neck and growls

benrey sucks in a rattling gasp and is like "what? ow" in a weirdly shocked yet distanced way

he cant feel where gordons hard b/c of the HEV suit but he can feel the metal awkwardly bumping against his ass Like That. and inwardly benreys on a loop of "what the fuck what the fuck" but not in a bad way in the slightest. just utterly cannot believe this is whats happening, right now, gordon freeman dry humping his ass behind a bunch of crates, not 100 feet from the rest of the science team

> gordon snapping out of it and being like...what the fuck am i doing... or....maybe the gasp makes gordon bite down harder in response...not sure

> gordon not even realizing hes doing it until that moment is so great....i dont know but....maybe he lets go and pushes off benrey, panting and wild eyed, and the image of benrey on his stomach, his bite mark in his neck, is burned into his brain

> he just doesnt say fucking anything and just dips to get jacked off by the suit maybe.... cant stop thinking about how it felt to see benrey with his teeth marks....hates himself for feeling that sick satisfaction in his chest

benrey......touching the back of his neck afterwrds, kind of dream-like, both consciously and subconsciously.......

i like making gordon freeman suffer so i want him to just angrily try to rut against his arm in private later trying desperately to get off thru this stupid busted HEV suit that he cant get out of. pathetic. gordon freeman humping his own fucking arm in a bathroom stall. like a dog

and he thinks about how benrey smelled when he had his teeth clamped on the back of benreys neck, his nose buried right against benreys jaw and neck, smelling the sweat and the hormones and feeling benreys rapid heartbeat, and his whole fucking head throbs with how bad he wants to get off

> and he just cant get off....has to deal with going back the team tense and a bit sweaty and just move on when they ask what happened. benrey doesnt say anything just stares at him and gordon cant meet his eyes. gordon tries not to fucking let benrey get under his skin cause i think hes probably mad upset and embarassed that he reverted to his like,,,more base instincts because of BENREY of all people.....

> but he still thinks about it sometimes and....he tries to distance himself from him but hes still a pretty touchy guy and he find himself around benrey still....laughing at his jokes and getting in his space once in a while. always pulls himself away when he notices but not before he takes in a deep breath of benrey's scent...

> meanwhile benreys trying to think of how to make gordon do that shit again LOL

ohmy god. oh my god.....before this.....before he tries to stop getting in benreys business and before he even recognizes what hes doing.......he like.....hes so touchy feely that he subconsciously tries to mark benrey a lot. like just doing everything in his power to rub the inside of his wrists somewhere on him. even if its barely gonna do anything b/c of the suit. its just instinct

> NOW HE ...now he realizes that he was doing that the whole time..jesus,...

> AUGH....in the buildup before this he didnt realize that he was doing it........but now he realizes he fucking misses doing that shit and kind of berates himself for doing it in the first place....like what the fuck....be Normal gordon...you cant want to fuck him....do you..?

i want him to. grrgohg i dont even know how or why this would happen but i want gordon freeman to lie supine on the ground with his hands up like paws like hes a big pupy looking for tummy rubs OKAY! BYE. I HAVE TO GO. im going to fucking sob why am i like this why is this the cutest possible thing for a man to do. i cant even think of a fucking reason why he would do this so im so fucking embarrassed

i want to fucking. i want to rub his fucking tumy and make him pop a boner from it im literally so sick of this earth

> i was literally Just typing: i just think it would be cool . To pet his tummy and keep telling him "good boy" in a Certain kind of Tone that just totally fucks him up about it . maybe flushed and tongue starting to wanna hang out of his mouth as he goes from laying flat on his back to kinda twisted to one side, breathing heavy, tail thumping hard against the floor cause hes a big dog so that thing is like a lethal weapon

> petting the fuzzy lower belly while hes already hard & needy just to make him whine Very high pitched and desperate-sounding bc its so close to what he wants but that just makes it worse 8)

> What if. Benrey pinning Gordon, maybe scritches behind his ear, as a "joke", he's a dog haha good boy wants ear scritches?? And Gordon immediately squirming and whining. Maybe even kicking his leg just a little bit

> i think it would be cool for a post-black mesa puby gordon pinned benrey to the floor with his whole body weight and humped the life out of benrey's leg while panting and drooling in benrey's ear. a total lack of regard for benrey, (of course he's into it tho) just using him like an object that's conveniently there for him to furiously get off on

> i'm thinking.... this happening after a period of prolonged teasing, like you said. rubbing his tummy and ignoring his dick

> Man ok combined with the suit edging huh? I love that, but i also kinda want gordon to sneak off to get off and discover his uh. k. kn. knot

> he sneaks off and if in this situation he can.  idk. get at his dick in a bathroom or whatever. and well, he gets caught up so easily in his 'head empty' instincts mode that when he cums he's kneading that thang for like 2 minutes before he even becomes cognizant enough to notice. and then immediately panic. so idk maybe he cant get at himself for a while, right, so he didnt notice this

> i just think gordon being in the suit would not let him get at his dick and he would only be able to get off in really convoluted ways so like...he wouldnt fucking Know he had a knot he would just feel a weird pressure at the base that he doesnt know what its about. but he starts getting these fantasies of holding benrey down and staying in him when he comes and he doesnt know where the hell thats coming from.....yet. until after everything is over and he can get out of it, and the first time he jacks off again he realizes HOLY FUCK? like what the hell....but it makes sense in retrospect where those fantasies came from. but hes just super embarassed about those fantasies and pushes them down until benrey comes back into his life and activates him again

> in addition to embarassment i think he has a lot of complicated feelings about benrey and definitely feels a guilty about wanting to fuck him into the ground and fill him with cum....but GOD if benrey doesnt get to him just as much as he did in black mesa

> i think that something like this would be so unplanned and shit but like......theyve probably hung out a few times before this or more like maybe benrey has dropped into his house just to annoy him and gordon finds his ears pricking when he hears heavy footsteps around his house cause he recognizes them as benrey's...

> little rush of exhilaration maybe. cause it means they'll spend some time together and he has just all these emotions under his skin when they do. i dont know how this would happen but maybe gordon forgets to keep himself in check when benrey makes him laugh so hard he's snorting and his tail is wagging furiously.benrey tries to touch/catch his tail cause he's kinda curious about it and it never got to mess with it in black mesa. but it turns into roughhousing as gordon shoves him away a little bit but benrey keeps trying to get at it and then get at his ears

> "cmon man just let me touch them whats the big deal-" "NO!" but like hes still laughing a bit until they start really getting into it and he gets breathless and a little irritated at having to roll around and try to pin benrey's hands to the floor

hell on earth......the way his tails wagging and hes grinning and drooling a little once he gets benrey pinned.......

> little triumphant smile when he finally does.....got benrey on his stomach and he's subconsciously rutting against benrey's ass like in black mesa but hes just not noticing while he's berating benrey for losing

> talking right into his ear, and benrey lets out a little gasp when he does a particularly hard thrust and then hes like oh. fuck. he takes in a deep breath and can smell benrey's sweat and realizes hes just as horny about this as he is. cant help but bury his face in the back of his neck and lick. and benrey starts pushing back into him and talking the worst dirty talk and it makes him growl right against his neck and put his teeth there again as a warning not to move but benrey doesnt still, he just keeps talking. so gordon bites down, hard, cutting him off mid sentence with a yelp

f. fucking. benrey......arching his back into it.......pressing his hips up as high as theyll go......the angles bro.....the angles

> also: gordon popping boners more easily, even when he's just platonically excited w/ benrey..... yeah... :)

> like the thing about this is just that he got so excited from the wrasslin that he popped a boner....wasnt even thinking of horny.....

> not until benrey started gasping and arching back into him. then hes immediately aware of how this looks...like hes already basically in the position in his fantasies hes just rutting against him in the imitation of fucking

> gordon getting more frenzied by the little sounds benrey is making as he clamps down on his neck, drool dripping down his chin. benrey braces himself with one hand and gets the other to pull his pants down and then tug on the leg of gordon's down a bit because gordon is kind of. not thinking straight right now. gordon gets the message and fumbles with the buttons to get it down and like. haha i thinnk it would be fun if benrey prepped himself before this and gordon notices like. you really managed to prep urself this time? god, you really wanted this to happen. but maybe benrey had been doing it the last few times cause gordon would get in his space again sometimes and things were tense

NO GOD THIS IS GOOD. LIKE. oh my god gordon just like bitching at him and getting up in his face and Growling a couple times before while his pants are all tented from the inadvertent excitement boners that he doesnt even realize hes having.....and benrey might not be smart but hes not stupid

theres like a 50% chance theyre gonna fuck at any given time he realizes so like. why not......

even if it doesnt work out in the moment benrey still spends the whole time hopped up on the knowledge that they could have, that he was the little fucking pervert who got himself all prepped just in case gordon decided todays the day hes just gonna mount him, and honestly the way he beats his meat and fucks himself afterwards might be nearly as good as the real deal, just from that little bit of self-inflicted degradation

like u said...........he really wanted it to happen

> hhh.... maybe gordon ruts a bit against his ass and benrey guides him in and. he makes a deep growling rumble when he bottoms out. benrey feels it through his chest and gets a full body shiver as he's filled. i dont think hes fully developed his knot yet but its a tight fit. he starts fucking hard and fast into him while open mouthed panting, he cant keep his face away from the benrey's neck, licking up the sweat and burying his face there to breathe in his scent

the fucking . the desperation......every instinct in his body has been telling him to fuck benrey - yes, that benrey, fucking benrey - into the ground for......weeks now? months??

dudes probably tried everything he can think of to overcome it and to think about literally anything else when he gets off but nobody he fucks even comes close to smelling as good as benrey did when gordon had him pinned and gasping and sweating and he could smell the want rolling off him in waves.....and it sucks massive dick and he hates it

> hes been driven crazy by this thought for so long.....cant fucking control himself. wh. what if gordon managed to get a hold of a piece of benrey's clothes that he left and held it up to his face when he let himself jack off to this particular thought so he could get the scent but it jsut wasnt the same without his warm, panting body below him . he always nuts the hardest when he has it though

huffing benreys undershirt and desperately rutting into a pillow on his hands and knees with his ass fully up and hes just utterly debased right now

sad and pathetic gordon freeman humping his pillow like a dog and whining thinking about fucking benrey. if his past self could see himself like this right now he would be disgusted

> !!!!!!!!1 HIM GETTING INTO THE MOUNTING POSITION ON INSTINCT WHEN HE DOES IT...YOUR BRAIN ! i think that gordon would definitely give everything hes got to benrey when he finally gets to fuck him.

> now that hes actually doing it he's just out of his goddamn mind. benrey already being ready for him, slick and hot, just letting him push in .....i think he would definitely go insane

dudes never fucked so hard or so mindlessly in his life......for once all the neuroses just fly out the window. overcome by instinct

> letting out all these whines and moans, not even caring for how loud hes being... benrey's wanted this so fucking bad hes just eating it up, pushing back on him like an animal and getting a power trip that he made gordon this unhinged

thinking about him just being utterly shocked when benrey guides him in and he can just bury himself all the way to the hilt so easily and it makes something in his brain snap

> gordon doesnt even tell benrey when hes close, benrey can just start to feel his knot swell inside him and how it stretches him a bit past what he prepared for...but he wants it in him so fucking bad, he just lets gordon keep fucking into him

like. oh my god. does benrey even know about the knot or is this a brand new and fun surprise for him

> I DONT KNOW......I JUST REALLY LIKE THE THOUGHT OF HIM BEING A BIT CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY IT....

> being caught off guard by it but being so turned on by the feeling of it filling him that he lets out this really high, needy sound. which goes straight to gordon's dick and he just pushes into him harder and jolts his whole body with it. maybe he h....he bites down on the other side of his neck again and thrusts in one more time before coming deep in him. just shuddering from it, eyes squeezed shut and jaw locked around benrey

benrey just fuckin. face down ass up and arching his back as high as he can

(mumbling very quietly) it might be cool also if. gordon maybe.....started growling some things as he got close. a certain something. a word

you know......just......bent over benreys back......arms wrapped around benreys chest and fingers digging into the soft flesh (maybe even his titties, if youre feeling spicy).......pistoning his hips in staccato bursts while he growls.........u bh hhhhh......"mine". over and over not even realizing hes doing it b/c his brain is so fogged out on the sheer delight of rawing benrey after having thought about it non-stop

(mumbling so quietly im speaking at a pitch below the human hearing threshold) benrey hoarsely saying "'m yours, 'm yours" while hes got one hand jammed underneath himself to tug at his dick is the thing that sets gordon off and makes him come, perhaps. perhaps

and gordon just.....slumps over him, leaning his full body weight on him, panting weakly into his ear while his hips subconsciously rut just a little bit, arms still wrapped around benrey but otherwise as useless as a bump on a log while benreys jerking himself off to the wild new feeling of having that knot stretch him open and tug at him every time gordon shifts his hips

gordon nuts and becomes utterly useless but at least his knots still fat as hell so benreys still got something to work with

(sobbing) i just want to see men acting like animals leave me olone..... its about the submission to instinct......the degradation and dehumanization......and also the scent kink its all about the fucking scent kink. its about wanting to huff a guy you pretend you hate like hes a fucking magic marker and its about wanting to make him smell like u

> for scent kink, Gordon's boners due to sweaty benrey hehehehe. this is narsty -> Benrey is like "yeesh that was a lot of exertion" after their first almost-sex wrasslin match, and gets embarassed, so next time he like, wears a bunch of old spice.... but gordon doesn't get as excited. like yeah he can feel him against his back and yeah he's not soft but.. he's not panting or as hard. benrey thinks real hard when he gets home

> CLEAN SWEAT OK ITS A COMBATIBILITY THING OK. IT IS. LOOK UP THE SCIENCE OK I ...walks away. clown shoez

YOU ARE SO FUCKING CORRECT THANK U

> Maybe next time He doesn't bother with the old spice at all, and he gets real into the wrasslin... hell maybe he even uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gets gordon's head under his arm im just saying

I DIDNT WANNA BE THE ONE TO SAY IT BUT NO YEAH THATS COOL. ITS A VERY COOL THOUGHT

think about......dogboy gordon roughhousing and getting pinned down himself and snapping his teeth up at benrey like joking but not joking. you know

they both start just getting really into roughhousing b/c sometimes gordons brain gets Stressed The Fuck Out by all the added stimulation to the senses of being pupy......theres too many sounds and smells sometimes and it makes him even more neurotic and makes him start acting up and getting irritable and trying to start shit until he exerts himself enough to tire his brain out and make it shut up

maybe even like.....in the interim after black mesa but before he runs into benrey again, gordon becomes a fucking hot mess b/c he doesnt know how to deal with it all and the only way he got thru black mesa without his brainstem snapping in half was b/c he and benrey would start shit and start fighting and wrestling and the rest of the science team eventually shrugged and accepted this as a (very weird) part of their life now. he looks like hes one minor inconvenience away from a panic attack and its so sad

any kind of physical exercise would help (he takes up jogging when hes feeling stressed out, which is a lot, and hes gotten some really nice legs by this point) but theres just something different about the roughhousing. its a mental exercise as well as a physical one, so it exhausts his brain more, and unbeknownst to him, he just gets fucking endorphins from the way benrey smells and from being able to mark him with all the up-close physical contact theyre getting. so. hence the wrestling and roughhousing and gordons occasional tendency to just pounce the guy in public and start fighting him with his tail wagging and thumping like crazy

it might be even better if gordon attempts to roughhouse with just about the whole science crew at some point, just for a point of comparison

like.....its usually good, its satisfying, and it wears him out and lets him function like a human being......but theres just something about roughhousing with benrey thats really satisfying and he doesnt have the emotional intelligence to figure out what it is

gordon freeman is an idiot, is what im saying

> tommy indulges him and probably lets him win a few times, coomer soundly wins out every time and bubby probably...loses some before getting pissy LOL. i think that its fun for him to get the most Good Feelings out of roughhousing with benrey.....

AUUUUGHHH WHAT IF HE LICKED BENREYS FACE THO

g gbfbhhh god im obsessed with the way benrey laughs at him and asks "what the fuck is wrong  with you?" in the act 3 commentary and thats the exact kind of vibe im feeling from him about like. everything gordon does in pupymode

> Okay, before I go to bed, I shall leave you with a Dog Thought™. Gordon probably wouldn’t be the “best trained” dog in the world because, well, he doesn’t have anyone to make him listen or obey. Heck, given his need to be in control, he probably thinks he’s the leader of the proverbial pack and nobody can tell him what to do. He’d probably slip and do quite a few “rude” and obnoxious dog things, including but not limited to being all over Benrey.

> Trying to goad him into roughhousing. Licking his face. Being in his space to the point that it even starts to make Benrey raise an eyebrow. Inappropriate marking and whatnot. [cough] And what if Benrey--in a weird reversal of the roles we usually give--is stuck with the task of… training Gordon… to behave…

> YOU KNOOOOW. Because pitting alpha dog Gordon against Benrey, who is trying to get him to be “good”...

> … Well, that could be interesting.

> Imagine if you will: Benrey realizing he needs to get Gordon under control. As much as he likes the attention, it's becoming too much. Relentless. Tables have been turned and now he's the one that's a little overwhelmed by the situation because, well, Gordon is running on pure instinct half the time. Making it hard to do things. Making it hard to live his life. Always in his bubble which was, like, fine at first but now he can't do anything without feeling a wet tongue on his face or having Gordon trying to goad him into rough housing.

> He needs so much attention. Has so much energy. It's too much.

> So, he decides he's going to try to "train" Gordon to not... do that. Benrey trying to assert dominance over Gordon, as if he were just a normal dog. Gordon, who has already marked Benrey and decided that Benrey belongs to him does not take to this very well. This is not how the chain of command works. This isn't how the chain of command works at all.

> Benrey, struggling to curb him through praise and admonitions--"good boy," "bad boy," tossing him ~treats~ if he does something right--is now facing off with Gordon, who is both enamored with the attention he's getting but utterly pissed off by the fact Benrey is trying to stop him from doing what he wants.

losing it at the tables being turned and now gordons the annoying fucker getting up in benreys business all the time and never leaving him alone. he deserves this

> They're basically both unmovable objects and unstoppable forces. Benrey is stubborn and isn't going to give up all his sweet PS3 time because Gordon won't stop humping his leg, and Gordon is not going to give up his God given right to make Benrey his property. But Benrey isn't completely averse to the idea of being Gordon's bitch. He just wants to be his bitch on his own terms.

> So, in a surprising show of... well, intelligence on Benrey's behalf, he starts redirecting Gordon's energy towards what HE wants Gordon to do.

> That's how you handle misbehaving dogs anyway. You redirect their energy. That's what all the books on dog training says anyway, and Benrey's inclined to believe it because he's read it in all two books on the subject he casually flipped through.

> So, when Gordon starts getting in his space, he starts redirecting him to touch where he wants touched. "Good boy." When Gordon starts getting a little rough, he purposefully positions himself so he gets the most out of it. "Good boy." When Gordon's licking his face, he starts trying to guide that tongue down to his neck. Feels better there. "Good boy."

> Because he's not a complete idiot. Him and Gordon both know this is sexually charged at this point. And Gordon... Gordon can bend his behaviors a little bit as he's being directed if he still gets to do what he wants (in a way), and Benrey still gets to be fondled by the nerd.

> "But part of the problem is that he is in Benrey's space all the time!" Yeah, but Benrey figured that out, too. You know what shuts up Gordon real fast? Pushing him back down on the other end of the couch and telling him to stay. And if he listens, he slowly, carefully hand feeds Gordon a treat as a reward. Pushing it into his mouth, making sure it goes all the way in. Letting Gordon lick the last bits of taste off of his fingers. He usually sits still after that. "Good boy."

i have a thought thats almost unrelated but im so desperate to give this scenario the proper context

thinking about......gordon getting out of black mesa and hes still dogboy.....and hes attempting to go back to life as normal now that benreys out of his hair for ever but one day his pupy nose catches That Fucking Smell on the air and he realizes that benreys not fucking dead. he thought benrey was fucking dead, b/c he killed him

gordon freeman losing his mind for a solid week or two trying to hunt that smell down (why?? to prove a point?? to try to kill benrey again??? uh huh.) and then when he does hunt benrey down, its like.....well, what was the plan, bud? you found him, and now youre having a staredown outside a 7/11 while benreys frozen halfway through his big gulp

i literally forgot what i was typing b/c dogy gordon tum y rub b gtfhgbb ggfabgbbg

and.....well......he doesnt know exactly what his game plan was, but he does know that benrey cant be trusted as far as u can throw him, and hes not about to let benrey wreak havoc on new mexico if he can help it, so now his new hobby is......tracking benrey across the city to keep an eye on him

and thats how they keep ending up in close proximity

and thats how u start looping in the whole role reversal thing.....suddenly gordons the one that benrey cant shake......hes a bloodhound and hes got the scent

SORRY im SORRY i crave context with the same ferocity that i crave, like, air

and then they start roughhousing when gordon tackles him to the ground one day to stop him from doing.....something......and gordon snaps being to being a normal person so quickly afterwards that its dizzying. turns out a solid 80% of what he really wanted was a sparring buddy

> good afternoon everyone this is not horny in the slightest but i just wanted to say- you know that thing dogs do where they get REALLY excited and playful when you come home from a long day at work? well i’m just thinking about. y’know how benrey has a tendency to just, vanish for a while and come back like nothing happened? think it’d be cute if he were gone for a particularly long stretch of time b4 catching up with the science team again and gordon RESPONDS in his typical annoyed, bratty fashion while his body language is saying something completely different (he still hasn’t mastered the art of puby)

> like, u know, tail wagging a hundred miles a minute, ears perked up and attentive, subconsciously getting all up in benrey’s space

Im going to Cry thats so fucking cute wtf wtf  wt ff

still going insane thinking about the “good boy” thing......like...... its all fun and games until hes grappling his best friend benrey and hes got benrey in a headlock and hes plastered against benreys back from head to toe and his tails thumping excitedly against the floor and hes panting hot and harsh right against benreys ear and benrey takes that moment, right there, to choke out "good boy"

its half outright horny and half power play b/c benreys banking that either theyre gonna fuck or gordons gonna let go and be like "what the fuck, man" and then benrey can get the drop on him again

the way gordon just goes stiff after he says it.....breath getting shaky.....dick twitching once against benreys ass and the guy can fucking feel it clear as day......Augh

his tail slows.....and then fires right back up again when he tentatively rocks his hips against benreys ass and feels the sound benrey makes more than he hears it......and like for fucks sake theyve been dancing around how horny their roughhousing sessions are for weeks, this guy deserves to finally get his rocks off by dry humping benreys ass while benreys getting spots in his vision from how tightly gordons got his arm wrapped around his neck. he deserves this

gordons free hand slowly opening up and pressing flat against benreys shirt, then crawling under it so that he can feel the bare skin of his stomach......rocking his hips against the dip between benreys cheeks and whimpering when benrey says it again, breathless and hoarse. "good boy." his tongue poking out to lick a broad, wet stripe up the side of benreys neck to taste the salt and sweat and the hormones, jesus christ, hes never been able to taste if somebodys horny before but its rolling off of him in waves.......and gordons breath comes out so loud and harsh and desperate when benreys leg lifts up a little bit for him to slot his own between them more easily

just mumbling stupid horny shit like "fuck benrey, you taste so good" while his tongue lolls out of his mouth and he licks the curve of benreys ear and rolls benrey onto his stomach b/c something in the back of his brain is whispering to him that it would be a really, really good idea, and hes originally got benrey just crushed flat against the floor with his full body weight but benrey takes a rattling breath and tells him to ease up, get up offa him.....

and gordons confused at this point b/c he was pretty sure this was where this was going, he was being a good boy, but that thought doesnt last very long b/c benreys shuffling into position under him, raising his hips and pushing gordons up with him while his face and torso are flat against the floor, and, Oh. hes. hes doing that. this is what theyre fucking doing now

> gordon taking the collar of benrey’s shirt in his mouth in an crude imitation of scruffing him

every fucking bone in gordons body is telling him to move his hips, fuck benrey stupid, bury himself to the hilt, but he cant do that when theyre both still clothed so he does the next best thing and ruts against benrey like he fucking means it and like if he just tries hard enough, gets enough friction, itll be just like fucking him for real......

hes so dizzied by looping thoughts of he wants this, he wants you to mount him, like youre a filthy fucking animal, arent you? you sick fuck, you wanna mark him and breed him and hed let you, hed beg you for it, look, hes doing it right now and when he comes back down to earth, yeah, benrey is begging right now, isnt he. while hes palming at the front of his sweatpants and whimpering and calling gordon a good boy, attempting to tug his pants down to his knees so gordon can rut against bare flesh, and gordon slows down just enough to let him do it and to fumble open his own zipper to ease some of the agonizing pressure

gordon fumbling his dick out of his underwear to line it up between benreys fat cheeks and god, the feeling of skin against skin is so much fucking better than chafing against his jeans that it makes him growl against benreys neck and benrey cant pump his fucking dick fast enough. hes so encouraging, what with all those little sounds hes making and the way hes arching his back and pressing his hips up as high as theyll go, groaning into the crook of his arm "fuckin, fuck me, bro, j-just like that"

> thinking...... they both get so lost in it, they both can’t hold back long enough to fuck for real. this is too hot, benrey feels something hot and wet on his ass and gordon is curling into him. benrey’s never felt so simultaneous turned on and frustrated that he’s still empty, he’s still gonna have to wait, snd ironically that denial pushes him over too

GOD yes fuckin. coming on his ass b/c gordons so frantic and desperate that he cant wait...... but seeing his cum all over benreys ass is deeply satisfying in its own way. he smears it deep into benreys skin to mark him like that

> oh hey imma be nasty sorry but Gordon all cum-high just sort of manouvering Benrey until he can start licking his cock clean bc he likes to uh. i mean benrey's all wet and you know. he likes it. and benrey comes from that, before he can even think about sucking him off properly

> he doesnt have a thought left in his head at the moment... and can u blame him? so he just uh follows he nose.......  and benrey's brain is deleted except for "GORDON FREEMAN ON MY DICK????????" bouncing around like a screensaver yes

> yeah he's not even trying to suck him off really, hes not gotten that far yet cuz hes so cumbrained, gone stupid, etc

im gonna be gross here too okay......and like. fucking. huffing and burying his nose into the crook of benreys thighs b/c he smells so intensely like sex and sweat and it makes gordon lightheaded

> YEAAH maybe he starts licking there before he gets up to his dick. it's not like he's dragging it out really so it's not long but benrey's gaping like a fish. he's trying to say something sorta but he can't get any words out and isn't even sure what he himself is trying to say

maybe he cant help himself and he just starts licking and biting on impulse b/c its your resident fuckin thigh guy here and i think benrey deserves to get em chomped like a drumstick

> and then that's gordon's tongue on his dick, bro and this neurotic mf looking so pleased and blissed out as he sloppily licks him all over is a sight he couldn't have even cooked up in his imagination before now

> benrey not coherently enough to warn him he’s like right there, his babbling incoherently at the tease of gordon’s nose and lips is gonna make him- and then his Tounge darts out and it’s over, the start of the end and he’s spurting all over gordon’s completely surprised face without even being jerked or licked through it

> maybe since gordon's been so stressed and keyed up for so long that benrey coming is a surprise but still doesn't shock him enough to clear the cumbrain, so he licks ben clean after that too, while he's twitching and whimpering etc

> think that benrey massive meat being useless and barely even touched is hip and rad even in the context of him technically being in the higher position of power

> then rests his head on beny's belly for a while, feeling very accomplished and tired. he'll panic later, don't worry

god im still thinking about. pillow humping/voyeurism

gordon freemans a bad fucking dog and sometimes he cant help himself and just starts rutting into a pillow with his ass up and his face buried in one of benreys undershirts while hes just panting and mumbling shit the whole time about benrey, benrey, benrey, why is he so fucking obsessed with benrey and with thinking about mounting him just like hes doing to his poor abused pillow every week

and. you know. maybe one day......benrey kind of.....catches him in the act. i think that would be cool. just coming home one day and cracking open his bedroom door and seeing gordon freeman on all fours, his teeth sunk deep into one pillow and another pillow between his thighs, desperately fucking it while hes groaning benreys name b/c he sure as shit was not expecting him back that early, which is why his cumbrain made him feel confident enough to crawl into benreys bed and roll around in it and mainline benreys scent from his clothes and nut on his pillow (and then feel fucking bad about it and frantically try to clean it off)

and benrey just slooowly steps back with his heart pounding out of his chest for possibly the first time in his whole life b/c he did not think gordon freeman ever wanted to fuck him, but here he is, using benreys pillow as an imitation of the real thing and jerking off in his bed

just turns right the fuck back around and goes into the bathroom and splashes some water on his face and stares down at his sudden boner

THANKS FOR READING ALL OF THIS B/C THIS ISNT EVEN GETTING INTO THE PISS STUFF THAT WEVE OBVIOUSLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT. SORRY FOR BEING LIKE THIS

[unsettledink]

Kinktober Day 29

Glutted

Prompt: Come Inflation

Word Count: 1914

Summary: There are certain advantages to Peter being able to come and come and come and come.

(bottom!Tony, bodily fluids, belly bulges, mild humiliation, sex marathon, idk quite how to tag some of it?) 

*

It's so easy when Peter pushes into him again, so easy and slow and wet. "God, Tony," Peter whispers. "You're so soft, so hot."

So stretched out, Tony thinks, so used and fucked out that even with nothing in it, his ass is probably still gaping wide open. "Sloppy," he mumbles as Peter rocks into him, sloppy enough that he can feel some come leaking out around Peter's cock.

"That too," Peter agrees, and he sounds a little dazed again.

Tony can still help a little right now, grinding back onto Peter's cock and tightening around it as Peter fucks him. He stopped coming himself—what, four rounds ago? At least—but he couldn't care less, perfectly content to let Peter keep going like this, as long as he wants. As long as they both want.

It aches just a little as Peter thrusts, but all it does it make Tony spread his legs further apart, sink into it. Focus on that and nothing else, on Peter's cock, how it feels bigger, thicker now that Tony's a little swollen. Focus on the wetness of it, the sound of it as Peter speeds up, noisy and squelching and messy.

Focus on the feel of Peter coming, shoved in as far as he can go, yet another ridiculously large load deep inside Tony. They'd measured it, after the first time Tony saw Peter come and got to tell him that no, most people did not shoot off that much at a time.

That'd been fun.

Peter sighs, slipping out of him, and Tony echoes him when he feels the blunt head of the plug pressing back in. Sighs again when Peter rolls him over, tucks Tony up along his front and kisses his neck, nuzzling in and settling there, sleepy.

*

Peter's kissing him, soft kisses that trail up his cheek, to the edge of his jaw. It's almost not enough to pull Tony out of his half asleep daze, but it at least starts to. "Thirsty?" Peter asks. He must have gone off for another refuel.

Tony shakes his head. "I'm fine," he mumbles. "Just—"

"Full?" Peter finishes for him, grinning.

"Not enough."

"Fuck, Tony," Peter says. "I don't know— we've been doing this a while."

"You're out?" Tony asks.

"No." Peter shakes his. "No, not even close," and Tony groans.

"Then yes," Tony says, closing his eyes again. "Yes, more."

Peter slides down behind him, his hand spreading over the curve of Tony's ass, exposing him. Stays there, rubbing and kneading as Tony hears Peter start up again, hears the wet sound of Peter's hand on his cock. He'd stopped fucking Tony a couple rounds back; Tony would have let him, but Peter had snapped at him, finally. 'I want to fill you up,' he'd said, 'not fuck you raw.'

Little late for that to be completely true, but Tony doesn't mind a bit.

Peter moans, pressing his face against Tony's back, and his hand slides down, brushing over the plug and pushing it in more, making Tony groan before Peter pulls it out. Tony tries, but there's still a little rush of fluid trickling down his leg; Peter catches it with his thumb and smears it across Tony's hole, pushing it back in. Pushing his cock in too, just the head, leaving it there and jacking off faster, his hand bumping up against Tony's ass. It's incredibly hot like this, Peter not even fucking him, like Tony's nothing but a vessel for his come.

Maybe he can't come, can't even get hard at this point, but it doesn't make him feel less turned on as Peter comes inside him again, even easier to feel this shallow. Doesn't keep him from wanting to come when Peter stays there, just like that, breathing deeply against Tony's skin until he's hard again, getting off in Tony again without ever moving from that very spot. Doesn't stop him from fucking whimpering when Peter pulls out and shoves the plug back in, fast, before any more can escape.

Doesn't mean he doesn't want more.

*

Peter comes in his mouth the next couple of times, takes advantage of Tony's exhaustion, the way he can barely hold his head up at all, to fuck deep into his throat, harder and faster than he'd been fucking Tony's ass the last few times. It's all the same in the end, Tony thinks as he swallows and swallows and swallows, swallows until he starts to feel almost sick, his stomach roiling. He pulls off Peter's cock the second Peter's come, before he can start up again; "Wait," he rasps.

"What's wrong?" Peter says, dropping down next to him.

"Just— too much at once," Tony says, swallowing hard, eyes closed. "Ugh, I feel gross."

"That's cause you are gross," Peter says, so kind, and kisses his cheek. "Think sitting up will help?" Tony shrugs, but when Peter hauls him up, propped up against Peter's chest,  even if his ass hurts more like this, he does feel a little better. 

And a lot more full.

Peter's hands drift down, settling over Tony’s stomach. Touching it, ever so lightly, slowly smoothing over the slight swell of it. Tony shudders, turning his face into Peter's neck, and Peter moans. "Tony," he whispers, "Tony, Tony, fuck."

He's rocking against Tony, rubbing his dick along the cleft of Tony's ass; "Don't waste it," Tony tells him.

"Fuck," Peter mutters, "can't— still? More, still?"

"Yeah," Tony says. "More, baby. Wanna feel it. Want you to feel it."

"I can," Peter says, pressing his fingers into Tony's stomach.

"More," Tony says.

*

He loses track of time somewhere in there. He lost track of how many times Peter's come ages ago, but he couldn't tell you now if it's midday or night or morning again. Couldn't tell you if it's been an hour, or half, or ten minutes since Peter last came in him.

Can't move even, can't think, can't take much more. Peter's taken care of him, such good care of him, so the only reason he's uncomfortable is because of what's in him. Is because he's so full, swollen and filled to near bursting with Peter's come, Peter who can keep coming and coming and coming until even Tony is finally satisfied.

He's so swollen that his stomach—his whole abdomen—hurts. Aches, the skin feeling like it's stretched too tight, even the slightest pressure on it nearly painful. It's better when he's on his side, curled around it, but Peter's got him stretched out on his back, the swell of his body obvious like this. Huge, like this. Tender, Peter's touch almost too much as he strokes over the curve of it, slow and gentle, mesmerized. He leans in and kisses just above Tony's belly button, so softly, and Tony groans.

Groans again as Peter kisses lower, scatters kisses all over his skin, stretched tight by the sheer ridiculous, insane amount of Peter's come trapped in him.

"Peter," Tony whispers, reaching for his head. "Peter, baby, I can't."

All along, it's been Peter asking, Peter checking so carefully if Tony still wants more, if it's too much, are you sure Tony, are you sure. It's been Peter, so Tony doesn't even understand at first, the way Peter looks at him, like he's drunk, and doesn't say 'okay'.

Says instead, "One more, Tony. Please? Just one more."

"Peter, I can't," Tony says, even the thought of one more drop of come in him making him want to cry.

Peter kisses the side of his bulge, carefully. Looks up at him through his eyelashes. "Please," he says. "Just one more. For me."

Tony whimpers, but he doesn't protest again when Peter crawls down and hooks his arms under Tony's legs. Doesn't beg Peter not to when Peter pulls the plug out, slow, careful, replacing it with the head of his cock immediately.

Doesn't look away from Peter's gaze when Peter starts fucking him, for real, like he hasn't in hours, every nerve in Tony's ass sore and aching, even as loose as he is. Fucks him hard, fast, pushing Tony's legs up further and leaning forward over him, and it hurts, not just Peter's cock pounding into him, but the extra pressure on his stomach, the way it's so swollen Peter has to lean hard on it to kiss him— and does, even as Tony squirms and gasps. He'd be leaking if it wasn't for Peter's cock plugging him up, and he can't do anything except lie here and take it, can't want anything but to lie here and take it.

One more, Peter had said, one more for him, and even if Tony doesn't think he can bear one more, he still wants it.

Gets it, Peter gasping above him and stilling, cock throbbing in Tony's ass. He pulls out, slowly, lowering Tony's legs and smoothing his hand over the bulge of Tony's stomach, soothing this time as the pressure is relieved somewhat. Tony clenches down as Peter's cock slides out of him; the head pops out with an obscene wet noise, and Tony's trying but he's too loose to keep everything in. "No," he whispers as he feels thick drops start to slide down his ass, "Peter, the plug, come on, quick."

"No," Peter says, leaning up and kissing him, Tony trembling as he tries to keep it all in. "So much, Tony," Peter murmurs. "So fucking much, so full, god Tony, look at you."

"Peter," Tony pleads, because he's losing the battle here. "I'm going to—"

"Shhh," Peter says. "I know," and then his hand is on Tony's stomach, flattened out and pressing down so hard; Tony yelps, trying to jerk away, and the sudden movement does him in.

"Oh fuck," Tony says as he feels it, "fuck, no!" but it's useless, there's no going back. No stopping the flood of come that rushes out of him, all over the bed and his legs and his ass, thick and wet and utterly humiliating. No stopping it, especially not with Peter leaning over him, pressing down on his stomach, rubbing it as it empties and pushing lower, forcing out every last drop he can.

Peter's staring down between Tony's legs, eyes wide, and Tony wants to curl up and hide; he'd thought having Peter help him the toilet and then leaving would be embarrassing enough, but this— this— 

"Oh my god, Tony," Peter breathes out. "That was— that was all in you, that was all— fuck, I can't believe you could hold that. I can't— oh my god," and then he's folding over, hand still low on Tony's abdomen, burying his face in the new hollow of Tony's stomach, nuzzling into it.

That— was not the reaction he'd expected.

Tony brings his hand to the back of Peter's head, threading his fingers through his hair; Peter turns his face until he can look at Tony, still pressed against Tony's belly. "I'm losing my mind," Peter says. "That was so hot I can't even think, okay?"

"Yeah," Tony says, and it's all too much as well, all way too much. "Me too, kid."

He feels like he could pass out, he's so worn down, so completely used up. Peter blinks at him, trying to burrow into him even further, and then freezes.

Looks at Tony, a grin slowly stretching across his face, and yeah, Tony heard it too. "Are you hungry?" Peter asks, incredulously.

"Well," Tony says. "I'm not full anymore."

[vagrantblvrd]

Concerning that post about gold cards, imagine Gavin actually being skilled enough and throwing them and just slitting someone's throat with them cause of course that's also a weapon cause fake ah crew is insane

!!! OKAY, SO.

Gavin knowing all the cool card tricks with the shuffling and sleight of hand and whatnot because it looks cool as hell, but also helps with the dexterity and thiefiness of his grubby little thief hands?

(Also, he does the coin tricks too with the rolling them over his knuckles and may or may not roll coins over his knuckles at Ryan after the infamous Coin Argument to be an asshole? Although, you know. Ryan can never prove it, because Gavin always has this set of special coins he keeps on his person at all times because distractions Hitman-style and the aforementioned thiefiness dexterity thing.

But Ryan knows, Gavin, okay. Knows that asshole would totally take one of his coins out and roll them over his knuckles at Ryan being all smug and passive-aggressive and Ryan’s not paranoid, dammit! >:((((((((( but everyone is like, “Uh-huh,” because wow, Ryan. WOW.)

Anyway.

Gavin knows there are a lot of distrustful people out there – hurtful, not being trusted – and when he sits down for these poker games with crew allies/enemies/whoever to make an impression he knows they’re going to want to check the cards are legit, right?

Expect him to be cheating or whatever because suspicious/paranoid and Gavin is like, :D at them and lets them check his gold playing cards over to their heart’s content.

Does some flashy shuffling and all that before he hands them over and again when whatever suspicious  person’s checked his cards over. Wink and a grin and some flashy shuffling/whatever and “Alright then?” before he deals the cards.

And then, friend, AND THEN.

Something goes wrong while they’re playing/discussing the particulars of a new deal or truce or whatever they’re there to do?

That One Asshole who went there with the intent to start a war with the Fakes makes their move, says something unforgivably insulting regarding the Fakes as a whole or refuses to compromise or whatever.

Their goons posturing, because hey look, they have guns and Gavin’s some smooth-talking idiot who clearly isn’t a threat, you know? Has to have the crew’s heavies with him everywhere he goes to protect him and so on because otherwise he’s nothing. (The usual.)

And Ryan or Michael or Jeremy who are leaning against the wall behind Gavin watching all this happen are just.

Watching.

Going off Gavin’s cues because he’s calling the shots here and Gavin hasn’t given them the sign to correct this asshole who’s mouthing off, right?

(Unless this is the scenario in which Gavin is there to rescue one or more of the others and is there alone, in which case he should be easy to deal with, shouldn’t he.)

Gavin looks up from his the cards he’s shuffling, and smiles, all bright and friendly and just taking these insults because this whole poker game/meeting is vital to the Fakes, right?

A deal/arrangement they need for whatever reason -for business reasons or for him to rescue the others, whichever.

He keeps right on smiling as he slips a card from the deck in his hands and holds it up for a moment. Looks at it, the way the light catches it just the tiniest bit differently from the other cards in his gold deck, heavier than the rest, edges sharper, and throws it with a flick of his wrist.

Follows that up with a couple more – shock and surprise around the table because that one asshole who’s been tearing him down has a fucking playing card in his throat. Not enough to kill him, probably, but it makes for a hell of a surprise and Gavin’s a bit outnumbered here isn’t he.

The table gets kicked over and all the dramatics of the chips and cards and drinks and whatever else going flying.

And just.

Lots of Drama and Action and Gavin Gav Slitty-ing things up.

Brushing lint and whatever else off himself when everything’s said and done and sighs as he looks around because he looses more sets of cards this way, you know?

Can’t be bothered to go around picking all the cards up, and anyway, the place is a mess. All that blood and such, and just not worth it in the end.

Also, what a way to make a statement, don’t you think? Gold playing cards scattered about and one lodged in that asshole’s throat and better things to do anyway. (Besides, he can afford it.)

And then, idk, Gavin looking at what other survivors there are and getting quick agreements to whatever  terms he may have at that point or going off to rescue his crew.

Whichever.

If he’s got one of the others with him who have never seen him use his murder cards before he’s just “Oh, didn’t I mention? I had those specially made,” regarding said murder cards.

Like.

The “normal” utterly ridiculous gold playing cards? But also a handful of murder cards that he keeps on his person and slips into the deck once some suspicious asshole has verified the cards are legit?

Lets them poke and prod the cards and when they give them back to him uses that sleight of hand to tuck those murder cards in with the regular ones. So used to handling them all he can keep track of the murder cards while he deals or whatever until he needs them. (And when he doesn’t he just slips them back out of the deck and up his sleeves or wherever he hides them like nothing’s amiss.)

AND.

You know the murder cards would be jokers or the ace or spades because he’s got all these one-liners to toss out with them?

All “joker’s wild,” and “i suppose that’s why they call it the death card” and other things I’m obviously not thinking of right now?

Just.

Utterly ridiculous and probably not practical/possible at all? AND YET. I am leaning so hard on handwavy-handwaving.

Because rule of cool, and stuff. (Also reasons. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

....I cannot help but think of Ryan being all :O and possibly “Oh, no, he’s hot,” the first time he witnesses Gavin put his murder cards to use?

And like.

“Dates” in which Ryan and Gavin go somewhere to throw knives/murder cards that is somehow not a euphemism, although eventually it turns into that and the whole crew Suffers whenever they mention that’s where they’re going and now I’ve turned this into Freewood, oops???

Also/or:

Prior to this Gavin pestering Ryan to teach him how to throw knives and somehow coming up with the idea of murder cards?

Like.

The guards will take his weapons/check him for them before letting him into some of these backroom poker games? But no one expects the murder cards. (When Gavin points that out someone’s “Is that a Monty Python reference?” because lol.)

Anyway.

Gavin has his murder cards made and no one else knows about them until Gavin’s forced to use them and Ryan is like :O  “Oh, no, that’s hot” and has to admit to himself he’s totally got FEELS for Gavin. (And while he can see why people would think it’s tied to the murder cards they’re just a lovely little bonus. Also the thing that made him realize why he’d be all *___________* at seeing Gavin with his murder cards.)

OR maybe they’ve been in a relationship since the whole knife throwing lessons and this is just unfair of Gavin because hot and Ryan would really like to try his hand at Gavin’s murder cards and everything sounds like a euphemism to me this morning, sorry. /o\)