#idk man erik's life sucks

[mycrofts-umbrella]

Hiii! 28 fem here, I'm **not** replacing anyone, just looking for anyone who would be interested in more stories with me. I have more time to write so if you are 21+ please don't hesitate to send me a dm! Most random stuff but willing to do original characters as well! I love talking ooc, it helps keep me engaged and I love plotting and collaborating! Can do some days of rapid fire responses, other times it might take a few days. I know real life comes first and I will always be patient so no worries. Would love to hear from you!

Here are some of the fandoms with pairings/tropes I like:

**Spock/Kirk** - Wholesome sci-fi adventures, potential for shorter procedural missions, would ideally want to expand and write other members of the enterprise as needed (such as Bones, Sulu, Nyota, Chekov, Scotty, Nurse Chapel, etc.), would play/write either characters

**Charles/Erik** - Friends to Lovers to Enemies, would do either post xmen first class cherik or would do older versions of them, darker themes, I would prefer to write Erik in this because I don't think I can do the optimistic Charles justice, we need to plot further with this one cause I would be down for lots of ideas

**Deadpool/Spider-Man** - slooooooow burn to even get to friends then maybe 🌈, would mainly start as Deadpool and Spider-Man running into each other doing work/patrols in the city and mexican food, prefer to write as Deadpool but would be willing to write Peter

**Deadpool/Wolverine** - post movie, Logan has nightmares, differences in their timelines, Logan visits this universe's version of the X-Men. Would be open to writing either.

**Harry/Hermione** - my preference would be to start sometime during deathly hallows after Ron left and Harry and Hermione are still dealing with the Horcrux, and writing either is good with me

**Hannibal/Will** - MURDER HUSBANDS 4EVER, post fall, (or I also have very many ideas for this ship, oh man), I would loooove to play Will for once in my friggin life but I would also understand that your sweet soul could not handle Hannibal and I have experience writing hanni

**Lestat/Louis** - set season 2 finale, during the hurricane, sweet *sweet* depressing vampire cuddles while mourning our daughter crying blood, but I get that's a LOT to start so also start of s3 rockstat era, Louis doing Lestat's makeup, would write either, genuinely love these two, tho more experience writing Lestat

**Daniel/Armand** - devil's minion era, or post season 2 TV show devil's minion, Armand IS ALICE au(?), open to writing either (would also do a one shot for Daniel/Louis)

**Crowley/Aziraphale** - I prefer writing Crowley but that's cause I have a very specific view of him and his feelings for Aziraphale, however I do like writing Aziraphale too, post season 2, or lots of different ideas for this one too

**Joker/Akechi** - set p5r term 3, OR Akechi has a palace that they do after Sae’s palace and before Shido’s cause I think Akechi should get to do a patricide, or whenever joker sleeps and goes to the Velvet Room, Akechi is there or they know they are the two tricksters from the start and Joker starts in the metaverse with Akechi and Joker knows about Akechi’s murders but Akechi is his only family until he finally meets the phantom thieves and starts to pull away from Akechi and wants to turn him in

**Lucy/The Ghoul/Cooper Howard** - heterosexuals strike again, post season finale as they track down Kyle McLaughlin and figure out what is happening, would probably prefer to play The Ghoul but I would also like Lucy too so IDK not a hard preference actually

**Hughie/OC** - AU he leaves the boys and lives a normal life and is cherished for ONCE in his ridiculous existence, would be fine with either male or female OC just not starlight sorry Annie January you have a cool name but your powers kinda suck and ur personality is idk I just think him and Kimiko would have been cute 🥰

**Homelander/OC** - again I'm fine with male or female and would prefer to write the OC but am open to it. OC could be someone new joining The Seven or someone he somehow met during his childhood (maybe even Sage or Hughie)

**Tyrion Lannister/Daenerys Targaryen** - rewind a few seasons, take things slower then follow the journey to King's Landing and the Red Keep, maybe when they first met, would write either but have more experience as Daenerys. (Sidenote: I also ship Jorah/Dany and Tyrion/Varys so same thing)

**AU / Tropes** I like and would do with ANY of the ships and characters above or even OCs:

Soulmate AU

Hanahaki disease

Teammates/Roommates

Childhood best friends

Enemies-to-lovers

Coffeeshop (always - one exists in every fandom and ship)

Stockholm syndrome 🕊️

Powers OR (No Powers for fandoms that have supes, mutants, magic, etc. )

Amnesia where person A wakes up and doesn't remember person B but wrongly (rightly) assumes person B is their spouse/significant other or just memory loss of critical moments

If you're interested at all, my dms are open! Thank you! 🖤🫶🏼🩵

[spectres-fulcrum]

I binged Young Royals and read all of Red, White, and Royal Blue in my past two days off. I guess I've been in a mood(I've also had both in the back of my mind for a while and I saw the YR fandom talking about RWRB a lot and I decided to go back on my "Movie first cause if it's not a good adaption then you won't get mad" decision)

I have to reconsume them at a slower pace but they were both SO GOOD. Young Royals especially I just couldn't stop watching. I would go to war for Willie. I would go to war for him. He and Simon were... special. Really special. Idk how to put it other than than. They love each other so much but they went through something so traumatizing without good support systems and I can understand why Willie broke as soon as the wolves attacked-hid because his identity could be hidden.

Because his life was already in pieces and what little he had put together was stolen. And it's not right, throwing Simon to the wolves alone, but he did what a lot of teenagers would do walking on nothing but broken glass.

But I'm also so proud of Simon for not letting himself be a secret. Like Season 2 kinda sucked but in the way both characters needed it to grow and come back to each other and both, in the end, was ready to compromise to keep this special and sacred love. I loved getting a vision of King!Wilhelm at the end when Willie came out and looked back at Simon(Simon is also an insanely good singer???? normally they don't cast actually good singers for those roles but oh my god I love his voice so much)

August... He's a love to hate character. Like he's utterly horrible and horrific but he also has depth. I liked that he seemed to genuinely seem to love Sara in his own way and lowkey August>>> Vincent as a leader. Also the fact that Erik was so close with August says a LOT about who Erik was outside of Willie's brother worship(And I do not like that man in the slightest).

I was rooting for Sara and Felice to be a thing ngl. I really liked Felice, I was kinda shocked, I wanted them to do more with her. From that dorm room scene in ep 1 I got the feel she was forcing herself to feel a certain way for Willie cause it was *expected* and they were friends in S2 it felt way more natural, the poke bowl bit was genuinely one of the best bits for Willie. But idk.

I've already discovered a popular Walter and Henry fic and I'm really excited to explore all the side characters/rewatch going oh that's so and so.

[flameontheotherside]

Shadow Work 😑

Inner Demons. Fucking suck bruh 😒. What I understand from Erik talking in my ear, over my lifetime to this point I've let myself believe a lot of negative things about myself. I won't spell them out specifically because it's generally basically feelings of inadequacy, feeling crazy, low self-esteem, etc. You get it.

My inner critic seems to have a voice. I'm not as scared, I don't feel like I'm being attacked or in danger anymore, and I'm not like feeling any amount of anything. Just kind of a little annoyed about it? Now that I understand where the voice is from, I now have to practice positive affirmations for myself. It kinda feels daunting but I understand why I need to do it.

I just never realized until now how my traumas have affected me this way. All that negative self talk is pretty bad. So I need to find another therapist to talk about all of it. The negative inner voice kinda seems to be a man but sometimes sounds feminine. Erik sounds similar to my inner voice but not quite. Regardless he's never negative or hurts my feelings. My higher self, her voice is very very feminine. I hear both her and Erik talk about what I'm doing like now. They are discussing my blog and he's telling me now to take my time writing because I was thinking about finishing up my nighttime routine as fast as I could. I'm only given a few hours before it's time I should get some sleep because I have morning shift to take care of Ricky. *Sigh*

Anyway so the past month has been a lot to unpack. I was able to regress to a past life I think? I'm not sure about what I saw and heard. It was violent. That's all I know is it must have been the life we were abused by our father. 😬 Yikes...I mean it should have spooked me but it didn't (idk y). I saw some scenes and it was all like flashes of negatives from a roll of pictures. But it was more like a video. You know where bright colors were dark and dark colors appeared white. That's how I see things when in a trance.

I better go. Rick needs my help now.

😘💕 Hada

[blackghostm2o]

I’ve returned with my shitty ramblings about PotO adaptations (unfortunately for all of you)

Today I bring to the table PotO 1983 :)

I’ve recently discovered it through a Reddit post and was curious.

A bit convoluted… Didn’t enjoy it a lot…Pretty boring, ngl.

Like ‘43 and ‘62 it has a man that gets burned by acid, here he was on a murdering spree after his wife (Helena) took her own life after being harshly criticised because of her singing. Like in ‘62 the Phantom (Shandor Corvin?) gets saved by a mute.

This version’s Christine is Italian and her name is Maria, she looks exactly like the phantom’s wife so he is obviously interested in her. At first I did like her character: her being snarky and dynamic (idk if it’s the right word) and I loved her being “It’s not easy singing while laying” (on why she didn’t sleep with man to get a good career) and I respect her for that, but then she just becomes a damsel in distress (like in ‘43 and ‘62) that is saved by a man, unlike her book counterpart that with her own actions wins her liberty and also Raoul and Daroga’s liberty. She gets saved by the director (he substitutes Raoul) in a pretty boring way: he compares the phantom’s note to the ones written by Corvin (pretty similar to ‘62 but there it’s with music), understands that the mf is still alive and goes “Well… He must be under the opera, lemme find the way to get inside” (btw it’s a bit better in ‘62, it feels like an actual search)

The Director (I don’t remember his name) is an asshole, I don’t like him. Idk how tf Maria and him hooked up, even after having sex he was a douchebag. He was obviously threatened by the Phantom, but the hilarious thing is how he did it: the Director was in the hot baths, it was dark but full of people, the Phantom comes there strangles him for a bit with his white scarf being “LeAvE hEr oR i’LL kILl yOu” and goes away. The people there are a bit confused, tho no one goes to help him… Bah

La Carlotta here has another name, here (like in many other adaptations) has a big ego, isn’t very good at her job and is annoying. The fun thing about her is her Italian, it’s broken (understandable didn’t expect something else), especially when she used “MANNAGGIA” after she got a death threat (in Italy mannaggia is usually used for minor inconveniences, not a DEATH THEAT LMFAO)

Highlight of this fucking movie is the UNMASKING!!! OHHH I FUCKING LOVED IT, I LOVE HOW IT IS PRETTY CLOSE TO ITS BOOK COUNTERPART!!! HIM ENRAGED BEING LIKE “YOU WANTED TO SEE!?! LOOK!!! LOOK AT ME!!! THIS IS NOT ANOTHER MASK!!! IT IS A GHOST THAT LOVES YOU!!!” (Pretty sure in the novel says corpse, tho I can’t check rn…) Ahh this is the only thing that saves this movie, I loved that scene on the novel and seeing it was great (obviously it’s not the exact same, Erik did also dig Christine’s nails on his own face and then cried, which is better in my humble opinion, but I digress). The makeup was ok. Him still having the corpse of his wife is strange af… How didn’t it decompose in 4 years??? Did he embalm her??? Eww… I don’t wanna know what he did with it before meeting Maria… Ah, btw… He dunks that corpse on the river to stop the search for Maria (did he really love his wife???)

Ah, the death of the owner of the opera makes no sense: the Phantom had captured him and was ready to torture him with a knife L, but let him go when he told that he would have left Maria sing as Margarethe and HE UNTIES HIM. THEN HE STILL GETS KILLED BY A FUCKING CROW AND THIS WAS CORVIN’S ACT OF REVENGE. HOW DO YOU EVEN DI THAT??? He could have had the pleasure of killing him himself slowly and painfully, but instead he decided to use a crow…

The ending sucks. He wants to drop the chandelier on the public and police officer during Faust (btw sang by la Carlotta), but the he swaps places with Maria and he’s “OH NO!!! MARIA!!!” (Not really) and falls with the chandelier and dies (Maria got saved by that director)

I don’t like the mask’s design, especially the pink one… It gives me the chills (so it does its job well). Both are pretty basic, they are meh… Nothing particular just a face.

The phantom doesn’t sing, his voice is like the one of a chain smoker lol. Obviously no Angel of Music stuff.

The Phantom’s note is boring af “SwANs SiNg BeFoRe tHey DiE, sO [Insert “Carlotta’s” name] BeFoRe ShE SiNGs.” Boring! Be more sassy, like Leroux!Erik !!!

It’s 1:20 am G’night (I’ll draw this phantom when I can)

(I fucking hate this mask, it’s too human like… Uncanny valley ahh mask)

[punkrogue]

I always feel so frustrated with how unimaginative Marvel is with Remy, the only interesting things he's had is New Sun and X-Factor. Idk if this is true, but I read there was some rumor that Remy was gonna be an alter ego of Sinister, which would've given the writers more to work with imo. I think why some writers like Rogue and Erik more since they're much easier to work with outside of shipping. Same with Kurt, whom I sometimes think Remy is a pale imitation of (Catholic, martial artist, looks demonic, ladies man, even his powers suit a thief more than Remy's). If Kurt and Rogue weren't siblings, I'd sooner ship Rogue with him than Remy. Also, since Remy can only charge non-living things, it just makes him look weak and limited compared to other characters. I don't say all this shit to be mean, but I do get frustrated with how little material he's given, and can understand why his character is constantly put on the back burner in various media compared to other X-Men characters.

Yeah I remember reading somewhere they'd thought about doing something like that with Remy and Sinister and I think instead went with New Sun? Something like that. Also considered having him be ANOTHER Secret Summers Brother and I'm glad we didn't go this route lol we need to stop the Summers-Grey family tree from taking over the whole X-verse while we can.

I'll say that I don't feel that Remy is a pale imitation of Kurt mainly because I feel Remy deals with a lotta things that Kurt really doesn't on a personal level (true parental abandonment like no margali in SIGHT kinda shit, street life, crime, child soldier gangland shit, the greys and blacks of morality etc). You see more of those things in his solos which can even get a bit of a noir vibe to them which is nice but people just rarely wanna put in the time and effort with Remy. They rarely get him so they knock him down into say, the TAS 90s Gambit mold and call it a day. Which is just ....... no one wants that. Not Gambit Haters, not Gambit Stans.

And I get what you're saying about his powers but I think if he could charge living matter constantly like he can as New Sun homie would be so comically OP. I think the real issue here is just again, fuckers don't know how to write him so they go for whatever's easiest. So it's all lame, dumb and boring. If they let him get funky with his powers a bit more it'd could be super cool.

The pro of Rogue and Magneto when made scene partners is that they do have much more solid pre-existing characterizations, vibes and "story packs". As a writer you can walk in and already there's a couple of things you can do which are kinda like Rogue or Magneto Classics. Remy not so much so he ends up being like, Rogue's loser sidekick which sucks.

I feel you tho on the shitshow that is comic Rogue-Kurt dynamics. I too can see the appeal and charm of them as a romantic ship just as much as I can see them working wonderfully as a sibling pair. My beef around them has been for years that we get this Big Reveal that Mystique is Kurt's Bio-Mom but after he has his initial freak out for a couple issues in Excalibur or Uncanny or w/e he was in at the time I forget I just remember Amanda is there this whole thing-- IT NEVER REALLY COMES UP AGAIN BETWEEN HIM AND ROGUE AND THEY JUST ACT LIKE NORMAL AND OCCASIONALLY MENTION THEY'RE SORT-OF RELATED IN A WAY THAT'S MORE OF A REMINDER TO THE AUDIENCE????? LIKE IT'S FUN TRIVIA INSTEAD OF A PLOT POINT OR IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP????

their first serious non-combat interaction was basically Kurt telling her to drop dead when she comes to Xavier for help when she's 17 and he's 21. He finally cuts her some slack after she ALMOST DIES IN A SUICIDE BY VILLAIN ATTEMPT to save Wolverine's fiance which makes Wolverine go "yeah okay fine your not total dogshit ig" so NOW Kurt'll stop being a raging asshole to the mentally ill teen lol (I'm shit talking Kurt rn but this is genuinely part of why I love him). Then there's MAYBE a couple of scenes that are outside of Action Stuff before the X-Men "die" in the late 80s and we get Excalibur where the two of them interact, the biggest of them is him FLIRTING WITH HER.

Uncanny X-Men (1963) #192

Now-- it's Kurt so this isn't anything really all that crazy. He jokingly flirts with like 90% of the X-Men. It's just the kinda silly funny quirky guy he is. But when I'm trying to think of say, Rogue-Kurt moments POST the Mystique Reveal that really feel like People Connecting or them Actually Being Siblings I draw a blank. This flirting scene is more iconic and stand out than basically all of their 00s and on interactions because it feels like a natural and very emotional conflict they WOULD have. He goofs around like he always does, her feelings get hurt, he realizes what he's done and feels like an ass and wants to fix it. EMOTIONS HAPPENED HERE, CHARACTERIZATION AND CONFLICTED OCCURRED. THIS CONFLICT AND LATER RECONCILIATION WILL LEAD TO A BETTER FRIENDSHIP AS WE GO! THANKS CLAREMONT!

Even at her wedding he's basically just like "well I AM her brother (remember? did you see that watchmojo listicle? have you read my wiki recently) and I AM blue so I should ALSO be in the wedding."

There's really not a lot of content of them like, hanging out, post 2004 or so. Some of that is just them being in different books but a lot of it just no one putting in the time or effort. X-Treme X-Men (2001) was all about Rogue looking into shit related to Destiny's writings and grappling with some Family and Personal Grief at the start there. Kurt shoulda been around for at least the first arc. Not thunderbird that absolutely nothing of a dude. It was the perfect setting to work on this issue that the 6 degrees of Mystique™ has made. One of the only other encounters between them I can think of that's post-90s is this:

Rogue (2001) #4

And this interaction is set like VERY SOON after she joined the X-Men!!!! So it's not even a truly modern scene of them just vibing!!!!

To me, they're NOT siblings. Not in the way Kurt is with Amanda who's his ACTUAL adoptive sister or even in the way that Rogue is with Bobby, Sam or Scott who she just has Massive Broship Energies with and it's entirely because their 6 Degrees of Mystique™ is tenuous at best for how much it would really matter to them. Kurt HAS a family! He HAS siblings! Mystique abandoned/lost him and never looked for him or intended to tell him about their connection until forced to. He was raised by Margali and sees HER FAMILY as HIS family and they think the same! Like that's a standard ass adoptive family vibe.

Rogue is found by Mystique and Irene and raised by them in near isolation ON ANOTHER CONTINENT and is never informed about Kurt even in a past "i had a baby and lost him" tense kinda way or Graydon either. To her knowledge growing up she HAS NO SIBLINGS OF ANY KIND. She meets and fights against and then beside Kurt with no idea there's literally anything connecting them but that they're both mutants and x-men for like, YEARS even IN canon. Their whole relationship is rocky as shit for a WHILE there and then she gets YEETED SECRETLY TO AUSTRALIA AND HE THINKS SHE DIED. And let's be clear-- sure he's upset about her "death" too but he is MUCH more upset over the "deaths" of Logan, Ororo and Peter who he ACTUALLY NAMES WHILE TALKING ABOUT THIS GRIEF. Because you know... THESE RELATIONSHIPS ACTUALLY HAD FUCKING SCREENTIME.

Excalibur (1988) #1

He's not a monster, he does give a shit about her, but realistically over the years VERY little time has been put into building ANY relationship between Rogue and Kurt of ANY kind and it's frustrating when they really wanna act like they've got one. They don't. And it pisses me off because realistically Rogue/Kurt is less fucked up than Amanda/Kurt and guess which one is canon. Because of the 6 Degrees of Mystique™ people don't really ship them even tho there's an even more Yikes Kurt ship that's canon and Does Not Seem To Fucking Die, there's been no real development of ANY kind of relationship between him and Rogue, they've lived their ENTIRE lives not knowing each other or not really being more than coworkers and Kurt has NO INTEREST in truly claiming Mystique as his mother which is valid-- she fucking sucks.

I think Rogue/Kurt has legs and it's aggravating to me because I also really like Rogue & Kurt siblingship! I grew up watching Evolution! The sibling vibes and friendship that grow naturally up between them even BEFORE the Mystique Reveal in that show are just CHEF'S KISS. But in comics they IMPLY a familial connection that really.... doesn't mean much... and then they don't show these two deciding it to make it mean something or organically falling into a good sibling relationship... so they cut off the dynamic at the knees. You'll be shit on if you try to go off script and explore a more romantic angle because "ew they're rElAtEd" (ignoring all the previously stated flaws in that argument), there's nothing in canon that helps you figure out how friendly they even truly are so good luck building something canon compliant and they just generally don't seem to even give a shit about this dynamic at all so without dipping into other adaptations/AUs it can be hard to find something to even SAY about them.

Like I'd love to see Rogue and Kurt engage like, finding out what the Mystique Reveal means to them and how they see each other. I'd love to see them becoming friends and then family. I'd love to see them making that CHOICE. Because really in this context it's a CHOICE. She's not his adoptive sister, Amanda is. She's not his bio sister either in 616, that idea got shot down early on. She's a girl his bio mom who is a stranger to him raised an ocean away while he was raised in a loving home with siblings he adores. They met when she was a villain, he vehemently disliked her until she almost died saving someone's life then he tried to at least be civil and friendly. He finds out Mystique is his bio mother and asks Rogue about her but at the end of the day feels no real connection to Mystique or her life. His mother is Margali. The circus was his family. He cares about Mystique, Irene and Rogue because he's a decent human being but like, not in the same amount or extent as his adoptive family.

You can't have a scene of him flirting, even jokingly, with her in the 80s then think a 1993 mom reveal some how totally erases that vibe. Especially when you then put like no effort into exploring that GOLDMINE OF A PLOT THREAD. They've got so few non-combat just hanging out and engaging in character development interactions in 616 canon I can count them on my hands. At this point you could spin a wheel and decide to give them any relationship dynamic and it could genuinely work because there's no real content of them in comics to use contest it.

Like at her wedding they bring up that he's her brother again. That shouldn't be something we have a "turn to the camera and remind the audience" moment about. That should be as "well duh" to me as Bobby being her best man or Scott and Alex being brothers. It's not. It's just not. Their connection is just a factoid at this point and I hate it. You can't close off all these other potential dynamics for them (romantic/enemies/rivals/shitty roommates/etc whatever) by making them connected via Mystique, having an line every like, 10 years that reminds us they're "siblings" (are they tho? are they really? is that how this works?) and kinda vaguely imply they don't hate each other which is really just riding on the fact that pretty much ALL the X-Men like Kurt and we the audience like both of them and then GIVE US NOTHING WITH THAT STATED DYNAMIC!

MORE TIME AND EFFORT WAS PUT INTO MAKING NATE GREY SEE MADYLENE PRYOR AS HIS MOTHER OVER JEAN THAN HAS EVER BEEN PUT INTO MAKING ROGUE AND KURT FEEL LIKE THEY'RE EVEN FRIENDS LET ALONE SIBLINGS AND I'M VERY MAD ABOUT IT!!!! EITHER GIVE ME WHAT I WANT OR CUT THE REINS AT LET ME DO WHATEVER!!!

fsdkjghksdl so i just get VERY heated about this it's a pet peeve of mine.

[beef-strokinoff]

erik is a 40 or 50 something year old kissless virgin who has never had a normal social interaction in his whole life his only real social skills are 1) hide from ppl 2) trick ppl into thinking he's a ghost/angel 3) murder ppl thats it those are his only means of getting what he wants from people the only relationships he has that come even a little bit close to normal is with madame giry and the persian and even then he still lies to them so with all this in mind it's obvious that he's completely inexperienced and unequipped to navigate a romantic and/or sexual relationship which means he has neither the charisma nor the confidence to be seductive and sexy thats why in order to get a girl to talk to him he decided to pretend to be a supernatural being instead of just being himself and when he does start being himself things go downhill instantly because as an angel he had power over christine and his interactions with her plus it allowed him to keep a (metaphorical and literal) wall between them to protect himself but as just a guy he's much more vulnerable and he is absolutely not emotionally mature enough to deal with being in a position where he has to talk to her and be in the same room with her as an equal which is why he tries to control her throughout the book through force (kidnapping her, threatening to kill everyone including himself if she doesn't become his waifu, etc) maybe if he had just been normal and brought her flowers or something after a performance and went from there things could've worked out better between them but the other thing is that she's like 20 something, he's old enough to be her father which on it's own isn't great but even if everything went exactly how he wanted and she married him in like. 10.. 20, maybe 30 years she'd have to dump his ass into a retirement home but also in the meantime sex could be a problem because my man is not only middle aged and a virgin he's also been living in a cellar for ??? years so you know he's gotta be physically as well as mentally unwell by now how likely is it that peepaw can keep up with someone in their 20s he doesn't seem very sexually motivated in the book like he was fully prepared to never take his mask off around christine until she yoinked it so i doubt he would've dropped his pants like any kind of physical intimacy just never seemed to occur to him until the very end and all that was was the most chaste kiss imaginable and even with that he was super timid about it erik did you really think you could just do card tricks and play music all day for your wife and she would be happy about it??? you didn't think that if you managed to get a wife that she might want you to fuck her??? if you don't have low self esteem now you definitely will when you realize her recovery time is 10 minutes and yours is.. much much longer and given how good he is at dealing with people and his own emotions (sarcasm) it would definitely become an issue i'm mostly talking about leroux erik here but i think some of this still applies to the younger and hotter alw erik like if u think that he's a sexy dude you've fallen for the front he puts up anyway all this is to say that i think the thing where christine is soo horny about him that she runs back and has wild nasty sex with him at the last minute sucks like if ur gonna do that with your adaptation at least do what susan kay did and have him die afterwards (death by pussy is funny)

idk i just think the reason erik is sexy is not because he is sexy. its because when you peel back the paper thin and incredibly performative veneer of sexiness he puts up you see that he's actually the most pathetic and irritating lil guy you'll ever meet underneath. and i think thats special. smiles

[indigo-greer-collins]

I GOT TAGGED IN ONE OF THESE BEST DAY EVER!!!

okay so as my name implies my all time favs are sam and milo (ramble incoming)

where do i even begin with why i love them. i’ll start with milo cuz he’s the most recent husband. aside from the sexy accent and even sexier headcanons, i fucking LOVE a character with some attitude. men or women who just don’t take shit laying down and have a passion for not only others but themselves too! in a way i kinda admire his character lmao, which feels weird to say about someone fictional but anyways . he’s a god damn catch and he KNOWS it, but not to the point of being an arrogant/snobby sack of shit it’s just audhdkdhrk. confidence, sass and a strong sense of justice will draw me in easy.

on top of this the fandom seem to generally agree that this is a man of colour and that just adds a whole other layer of sexy like omg, i’m breaking into his house as we speak/hj. i’m a pretty big sweetheart kinnie too! in another life where i have the confidence to talk to someone i find hot instead of hiding myself away, i think we’d get along (i might be delulu gang)

and then samuel collins HSKFHSKSH

can you tell my dad sucks?

we’ll unpack that later, anyway!

sam, similarly to milo has the sass and sense of justice that i fucking eat up every time. his characters also very angsty, and i love deluding myself into thinking i can fix a tortured man (SHHH WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT UNPACKING MY DADDY ISSUES/lh/j). slowburns also absolutely slap for me, like spectacular, gimme 14 of em rn /ref. he’s so gentle with darlin too, the whole dynamic with him and darlin melts something in me guys idk i’m so smitten. he’s also pretty emotional intelligent/wise?? definitely the kinda guy i’d trust his takes on, he’s clearly dealt with a lot and way too quickly 💀

i kin this man and want him what a weird dichotomy. has erik tricked me into loving myself?

moving on again cuz i yap way too much

you know who i kin the most on that god damn channel? FUCKIN DARLIN 🗣️🗣️‼️‼️and goodness the idea that someone can see me, someone who’s been raised to think they are hard to love and will never truly fit in/belong with others, and love me just the way i am and want to grow with me??

chefs fucking kiss

bonus: their dynamic is actually pretty similar to me and my wife!

OKAY TIME TO TAG (i’m sorry gang this is so much)

@spuffyfit @bazpire @n0r @prince-damien-of-darkness @moonvalley94 @mokozroach

and aaaahybody else!

I thought it'd be cool to do a tag game!

Use this picrew > EHEHE

And under the picture say who's ur favorite character and why! I'll go first :>

My favorite character is William Solaire! Why? Daddy Issues because morally grey characters never get shown in the media and if they do it's never correctly. So to see one in an audio rp who is perfect to the T and follows my favorite troup '' Fear The Old Man In A Carrer Where Men Die Young In '' it was destined!

Tags~ @dawnofiight @achios @sunsickcrab @poedays @paythesmith

@moronkyne @ashertickler

u don't have to join if u don't want to! this is just for fun :>

[mcgnto]

Have you ever noticed that ( ERIK LEHNSHERR ) from the ( MARVEL UNIVERSE ) looks a lot like ( MICHAEL FASSBENDER )? But ( HE ) also go/goes by ( MAGNETO ). Having the ability of ( MAGNETISM MANIPULATION & UNWAVERING LOYALTY TO HIS CAUSE ) sure makes them a force to be reckoned with. Rumour has it they are ( 44 ) and is working as a ( LEADER OF THE BROTHERHOOD OF MUTANTS )

hey  there,  hi  there,  ho  there  !!  i’m  c,  and  i’m  bringing  my  babies  erik  lehnsherr  &&  grant  ward  to  you  about  400  years  later.   life  snatched  me  but  here  i  am  finally.  i’m  terrible  at  remembering  to  respond  to  tumblr  messages  so  if  you’d  like  to  plot,  you  can  hit  me  up  @ serial killer of kisses#0440 

𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊'𝖘 𝖍𝖊 𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒?

timeline  wise,  erik  is  pulled  somewhere  post  days  of  future  past  and  early  into  apocalypse.  given  that  the  x-men  were  constantly  fucking  up  their  timelines  and  futures,  he’s  from  an  alternate  timeline.  which  one?  good  question.  we’ll  pretend  we  know  and  just  smile  and  nod.  either  way,  this  isn’t  his  timeline  and  it  definitely  isn’t  the  world  /  year  he  left  behind  so  he’s  going  to  be  culture-shocked  by  2020.   

the  last  thing  he  really  remembers  is  his  daughter’s  death  and  apocalypse  strengthening  his  powers  to  become  a  horseman.  so  suffice  to  say,  he’s  simmering  with  rage  and  is  very  broken.   he  still  hates  humans,  maybe  more-so  than  ever  before,  and  he  thinks  they’ll  always  be  a  plague  —  never  see  them  as  equals  —  and  their  extinction  is  the  only  way  to  ensure  their  kind  survives.   he’s  an  extremist  and  his  methods  are  questionable  as  hell  but  he’s  not  entirely  wrong.  

this  quote,  in  my  opinion,  sums  up  erik  to  a  t:

“  that  you're  wrong. you  think  you're  right.  and  that  makes  you  dangerous."

𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉

erik  lehnsherr,  also  known  as  magneto,  is  a  canon  character  from  the  x-men.  my  version  of  him  follows  the  x-men  first  class  timeline.   you  can  read  more  about  him  here  on  the  wiki  but  i’ll  give  you  a  brief  overview. 

he  was  born  in  dusseldorf, germany,  into  a  middle-class  jewish  family.  his  father  was  a  decorated  WWI  veteran  but  that  wasn’t  enough  to  save  them  from  the  struggles  of  discrimination  when  the  nazi’s  started  rising  to  power.  the  family  moved  to  poland  shortly  after  he  was  born  but  were  separated  at  the  auschwitz  concentration  camps  when  he  was  fourteen.  erik’s  powers  first  manifested  when  he  ran  towards  one  of  the  gates  —  trying  to  get  to  it  before  they  closed  as  he  was  forced  to  watch  his  parents  get  ripped  away  from  him.   the  metal  warped  and  twisted  as  the  soldiers  grabbed  him,  reports  of  which  were  made  to  dr.  schmidt.  instead  of  being  sent  out  with  the  other  children,  erik  was  taken  to  the  medical  wing.  his  powers  were  exploited  and  often  used  against  him,  dr.  schmidt  focusing  in  on  his  anger  and  using  it  to  control  his  powers.  (  his  mother died  because  he  couldn’t  move  a  simple  coin  with  his  abilities.  in  grief,  fury  washing  over  him,  he  destroyed  everything  in  the  room  and  murdered  all  of  the  guards.  )   he  was  experimented  on  for  years,  schmidt  weaponizing  his  anger,  and  when  he  was  finally  free  he  spent  years  trying  to  track  down  the  man  responsible  for  his  pain  and  suffering.

by  the  time  he  finds  shaw,  his  intentions  are  clear.  he’ll  kill  him  by  any  means  necessary,  even  if  it  means  his  own  death.  it’s  charles  xavier  that  saves  him  from  drowning  in  his  efforts  to  sink  shaw’s  submarine,  the  professor  dragging  him  up  out  of  the  water.   though  erik  never  really  trusted  the  CIA,  he  agreed  to  help  charles  with  some  of  the  other  mutants  they’d  found  —  to  help  them  hone  their  abilities,  and  give  them  a  place  they  belonged.   he  grew  to  care  about  charles  and  these  other  mutants,  respected  them  even,  but  his  ambitions  always  came  first.  he  also  feared  that  a  mutant  holocaust  was  an  inevitability  and  his  fear  kept  him  from  truly  trusting  others.    finally,  when  he  confronted  shaw,  who  shared  a  vision  of  a  world  led  by  mutants,  he  found  he  agreed  —  but  he  couldn’t  allow  the  man  to  live.  he  murdered  him  slowly,  much  to  charles’  horror.  with  the  soviet  union  and  the  united  states  teaming  up  against  mutants,  erik  was  prepared  to  kill  them  all.   so  much  for  preventing  the  cuban  missile  crisis.   as  charles  and  erik  were  fighting,  rolling  around  on  the  ground  as  both  tried  to  get  the  upper  hand,  a  CIA  agent  shot  at  erik  and  he  deflected  one  of  the  bullets.  a  stray  bullet  ricocheted  and  hit  charles’  spine,  paralyzing  him.   unable  to  comprehend  the  pain  he’d  caused  someone  he  loved  —  and  knowing  their  interests  no  longer  aligned  —  erik  and  several  of  the  other  mutants  left  to  start  the  first  incarnation  of  the  brotherhood  of  mutants.   a  family  was  divided  like  after  a  messy  divorce.  

from  there,  we  don’t  know  a  lot  about  what  happened  with  erik  until  days  of  future  past  picks  back  up.  we  know  he  was  arrested  and  detained  in  the  pentagon  by  1973.   he  allegedly  curved  a  bullet  that  killed  JFK.   they  break  him  out  of  prison  to  help  try  and  save  the  world  and  inadvertently  meet  his  timeline’s  version  of  pietro  ‘peter’  maximoff.   he’s  erik’s  son,  but  he  never  discovers  this  information.   to  this  day,  he  doesn’t  know  the  truth.  in  truth,  erik  had  been  trying  to  save  JFK  —  who  was  a  mutant  —  but  unfortunately  he  wasn’t  able  to.   trask,  who  created  the  mutant  detecting  machines  in  the  future,  had  been  killing  off  mutants  one  by  one.  many  of  their  former  students,  people  they  cared  about,  had  died  as  a  result  of  it.   tortured,  too.  so  suffice  to  say,  both  erik  and  charles  thought  the  other  had  abandoned  them  /  failed  them  and  it  was  messy.   he  agrees  to  try  and  help  them  stop  the  future  from  happening,  in  the  interest  of  saving  more  mutant  lives,  but  does  try  to  kill  mystique  when  their  plans  start  going  awry.  he  fails  and  earns  more  distrust  both  from  charles  and  the  nation.  yes,  he  went  all  evil  villain  and  did  a  monologue  on  live  tv.  he’s  that  bitch.  he  fully  intends  on  killing  trask  but  mystique,  who  changes  her  mind  thanks  to  charles’  influence,  shoots  him.  it  grazes  his  neck,  just  enough  to  garner  his  attention,  but  it’s  enough  to  give  her  the  opportunity  to  knock  the  helmet  from  his  head.   in  the  end,  after  his  abilities  are  used  by  charles  to  free  himself,  he  flees.   ya  yeet.  

at  some  point  after  this,  he  moves  to  poland  and  decides  to  live  among  the  humans.  he  meets  a  woman  named  magda  when  he’s  living  as  henryk  gurzsky  and  they  have  a  daughter  named  nina.  he’s  seemingly  happy  with  his  little  family,  working  at  the  factory,  until  an  act  of  kindness  turns  the  tides  against  him.   he  uses  his  abilities  to  save  a  co-worker  and  someone  reports  him.  police  show  up  without  any  metal  to  confront  him  outside  their  house.   nina,  terrified  and  young  much  like  erik  was  when  his  powers  manifested,  had  the  power  to  control  nature  and  had  birds  attack  the  police.  one  of  the  officers  was  trying  to  shoot  the  birds  and  an  arrow  struck  nina  and  her  mother  magda  instead.   erik,  in  his  grief,  used  the  metal  locket  around  his  daughter’s  neck  to  kill  every  single  police  officer  in  the  clearing  and  then  dropped  to  his  knees  to  mourn  the  loss  of  his  family.   

en  sabah  nur,  aka  apocalypse,  finds  erik  shortly  after  this.  he’s  at  the  factory,  about  to  murder  all  of  the  workers  who  allowed  this  tragedy  to  happen,  when  en  sabah  nur  takes  his  revenge  for  him.   the  god  then  takes  him  to  auschwitz  and  strengthens  his  mutant  abilities  to  give  him  the  power  needed  to  destroy  it.   he  agrees  to  be  a  horseman,  to  join  en  sabah  nur  in  bringing  about  the  apocalypse.   shortly  after  this  happens,  he  goes  to  sleep  and  wakes  up  in  this  timeline  in  2020.  he  doesn’t  know  who’s  done  it,  or  it  was  something  the  x-men  did  to  try  and  stop  the  apocalypse,  but  he’s  livid  and  probably  wants  to  go  home.   there’s  nothing  here  for  him  —  no  revenge,  no  purpose,  so  if  he  can’t  ...  catch  him  starting  up  the  brotherhood  again  and  waging  war  on  humankind  again.   

𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞

erik  carries  a  lot  of  anger  around  with  him.  it’s  the  trauma,  the  grief,  and  the  after-effects  of  years  of  abuse.   he  knows  best  how  to  function  when  he’s  angry,  feels  it  gives  him  direction,  and  thinks  that  happiness  leads  to  vulnerability.  he  thinks  now  that  if  he  cares  for  someone,  let’s  them  get  close,  there’s  a  possibility  he  will  hurt  them  or  they  will  get  hurt  because  of  them.   his  abilities  work  best  when  he’s  angry,  almost  like  he’s  been  conditioned  that  way,  so  he  finds  he’s  most  effective  when  he  gives  into  the  anger.  

at  the  end  of  the  day,  his  hatred  is  directly  linked  to  fear.   he  fears  that  mutants  will  be  persecuted  for  being  different,  for  not  living  up  to  what  humans  feel  is  normal,  and  that  they’ll  be  experimented  on  or  killed  if  discovered.   he’s  seen  firsthand  what  a  genocide  looks  like  and  because  of  that  fears  that  another  will  happen  if  they’re  not  carefull.   again,  he’s  not  wrong.  

𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖑𝖙𝖎𝖊𝖘

he’s  a  class  4  mutant  who  can  generate  and  manipulate  magnetic  fields.   you  can  read  more  about  his  abilities  on  the  wiki  here  but  i’ll  give  you  some   examples.

magnetogenesis:  the  ability  to  create  magnetic  fields. magnetokinesis:  the  ability  to  control  magnetic  fields. ferrokinesis:  the  ability  to  control  metal.  ( thanks  to  apocalypse,  he  can  now  control  metals  found  in  the  earth.  )

[valaloy]

recurring characters and my problem with them

I think the thing that surprised me most about hfw was how MANY reoccuring characters there were. Not only our main characters (Varl, Erend, Sylens) and scattered throughout the game (Talanah, Petra, Nil) but also in the datapoints (Brin, Gildun, and probably more since I haven’t found all the data points yet), and those who were mentioned in text (CYAN, Vala, Rost, Sona) - and also the entire Alight section of the game where you can speak to Vanasha, Avad, Itamen, Uthid, and Nasadi. 

I think this is because honestly I expected almost no crossover of characters, beyond Aloy/Gaia/Elisabet/Sylens and maybe Varl or Erend as the main supporting characters from hzd. And I wanted there to be familiar characters!! I wanted to see Aloy’s friends again! But the extent to which characters were brought over from hzd was shocking to me, especially when they only had light/meaningless development/contribution to the game. It ended up leaving a bad taste in my mouth - where were the awesome Utaru and Tenakth NPCs? Why couldn’t the spotlight be given to someone new and interesting, with a vested interested and history relating to the area Aloy now finds herself in? While there were some new characters that I think were handled awesomely (Kotallo, Alva, Beta) there were also others that I wish got more spotlight (Zo, Regalla, Asera, Erik, Gerard) and also a pattern that I noticed as the game progressed: there was very little overlap of NPCs. With the increase of towns/tribes/areas/quests in hfw, this meant that there was probably about two dozen new NPC characters that just... were there. I didn’t get pumped up about any new character besides Alva, and by the end of the game I was bored listening the NPCs because I knew they would never appear again. I had no reason to give any emotional input because the game wouldn’t give me any payoff. 

This was made all the worse because the characters that we did get were sometimes just... there. Why was Petra in this game? She was not involved in the quest line in the Daunt, besides randomly popping up at the end to take control voer the town. I was so excited to see her, but everything about her personality had been stripped away. It could have been anyone sitting in her place and nothing would have changed. Talanah had a Thrush when she first appears, but then that character is gone - why introduce her in the first place? What was the point? Another awesome point that could have been made about the Utaru and their developing need to arm themselves cut off for Talanah’s strange obsession with a man we’ve never heard of before. And to extend this - hzd often overlapped or eclipsed new hfw characters. Why was Zo hidden in Varl’s shadow? Almost every scene she was in, so was he, to the extent that I can barely characterise Zo when Varl isn’t present. That sucks! She had such potential as a rebel of her tribe, doing things a new way and seeing where no Utaru had seen before, and instead we pretty much only saw her relationship with Varl develop. Why was there such a focus on Sylens instead of the new villains that barely had a voice in the narrative, when the new villains were driving all the conflict and Sylens was absent for most of the game?

Idk maybe this was a me thing!! But side characters that I wanted to hear more about (Hekarro, Yarra, Penttoh, Dekka... and no Utaru because imo there was no effort put into that tribe to distinguish individual members!! Even Zo!!) just... weren’t elaborated on. Instead we got more characters. And more. And more. And more. Leaving no room or space for expansion of those that we got. Which really was a let down, because one of my favourite things about hzd was how every NPC felt like they had an entire, distinct, life and we were just seeing a snippet of it in their quest line. To have that fall through in hfw is frankly heartbreaking. 

[songbirds-sweet]

as promised, some Warrant recs, with links! turns out I really love Warrant so so so much and have a lot to say, and would love to talk with you about literally any of this:

there are some live concerts that I massively recommend, such as this from Japan (1991) and from Lafayette (1991). the second is from the tour they did with Trixter and Firehouse, and this particular show is when the 3 bands do the "Fight for your Right to Party" at the end of the show.

I rec the concerts because those will have some of their best songs, plus they have this like amazing and intense stage presence that you can't fully appreciate just by listening to the music (which is of course awesome on its own, but the live stuff is what really sucked me in). some personal favorite songs are "Song and Dance Man", "Mr Rainmaker", "Big Talk", "I Saw Red" (real emotions here, definitely listen to that one, and it sounds totally different and awesome live too!), "Machine Gun", "Down Boys" (iconic), and idk I haven't heard a song yet I don't vibe with, out of the first two albums and most of the third. I am almost certainly forgetting some faves but this is a good start!! some slow, some fast, some wild. ("Machine Gun" isn't in either of the concerts up there bc it's from their third album but here's the music video that checks all my bisexual little boxes.)

Their first three albums are all solidly awesome and with the core classic lineup, though the third one (Dog Eat Dog) is a little different and heavier in sound bc it was getting into the 90s and they wanted to stay strong in the industry. the first two (DRFSR and Cherry Pie) are probably my faves, just because that's the sort of vibe I tend to be looking for when I listen to Warrant, but Dog Eat Dog is still awesome. (both concerts linked above will have songs from both albums!)

they are: Jani Lane (singer, who also did almost all the songwriting, and he did NOT have to go that hard on the ballads but he did and we love him for it); Erik Turner (guitar, mostly rhythm but shares some leads); Joey Allen (aka my icon picture; guitar, mostly lead); Jerry Dixon (bass); Steven Sweet (drums). every one of them is a ten.

This is a strong start!!!! Also I know Lauren made a post recently about good videos to watch as a Warrant fan, and she is 100% right about all of them. MASSIVELY recommend that 1987 concert - it changed my life. and I will happily talk with you about literally anything to do with Warrant!!!!! pls my dms and asks are always available, esp for these loveable idiots!

AH Thank you for this Rachel! 💖

Once I listen to more of their stuff, maybe we can decide who will become my favourite member 👀

[blackmuzak8484]

nortey dowuona’s best of 2020

to be completely honest, I decided to do this entirely for TSJ. otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered at all. Best end lists are for music nerds and billboard chart nerds and industry vultures, and i happen to be subscribed, in the discord and in the comments of the youtube vids of these folk. so, i decided to pick 10 out of random from the big best of 2020 i was compiling for the whole of the year, which I was gonna post to this Tumblr at the end of the damn year, but I guess I can just post the link to the playlist in the bottom of this post. Here, i’m gonna write about 10 songs I personally love, and pick out a few artists i specifically loved:

artist of the year.

RAP Ferreira put out his best album and best verses in a year everybody either stagnated, fell off or got rendered irrelevant by the world at large. He was ebullient, hilarious, thoughtful and even surprisingly honest. I enjoyed the fact that now he’s begun to create a real platform for many talented folx, and I hope he continues to do that in the margins and make even more beautiful music in the years to come.

rookie of the year.

Enny by a mile. Everybody else who debuted this year got hamstrung by the pandemic but she created 3 great songs, each thoughtful, insightful and a joy. Apparently she just started publicly releasing music to a large audience, and I hope she gets better and better, and even gets bigger than J-

most pleasant surprise.

Vic Mensa’s V Tape. An artist who I though had no more moves left completely turned around his whole career with a fantastic performance at Lollapalooza, a fantastic fleet of features and tis gorgeously produced EP which had some of his most brilliant songs on it. I love it all, Vic Mensah is well and truly back. Welcome back bro. (ALSO, DROP THE DRILL TRACK.)

GREAT THING A GHANAIAN ARTIST DID.

Strongman Burner, Amarae, Okunta Kinte, Vic Mensah in general.

cool things my friends and classmates did.

Justine Darcenne’s #4TheBaeless. Valencia Rae’s Siren thyhomebodies’s Coming of Age. (Phil, a producer in the group, made his own studio!) Brad built his own computer. petit abri put a track on APT9 Record’s compiliation album Volume II. khaalid anderson’s transitions. (khaalid will also be performing at Beats & Brunch on January 23, 2021 at 11 am.) Yannick Paul’s Bear Fruit. The Big Climax’s This Is Ya Boy kxng jetson’s Waves (ft. Kokko Williams & Mike Mezzl) Nicole Gonzalez performed in The Composer’s Melody. Victoria Marie released a bunch of beaufiful covers on her Insta, @toriiii_marie @ph0ssy_jaw works as a counselor online. Pay her at her PayPal. Johnny Aperano Yoba was on People AND Vogue. Dalitso is a wonderful pianist at his church back home in Zambia. Kobina is a fantastic drummer at his church. Kayla graduated with a BS in Music Technology and Industry! Damian been cookin on his insta. Travis graduated! (Look out for Clan of Dragons.) Rorghino Flores made a documentary! Francis (and Animax FYB) put out Mmofra on AmaLexPrime! (play it with yo kids.) A Hype has been dropping crazy all year, roll by his SoundCloud and check out Persistence Of Memory. Reina H been doing great covers on her Insta, @challenges_inlife. Hannah placed music on C. B. S.

best albums of the year (that nobody’s written about).

Maya Huyana -1991 DaWeirdo - Broke and Ugly $ilkMoney - Attack of the Future Shocked, Flesh Covered, Meatbags of the 85 VI Seconds - Because Why Not/Never Knows Best Erik Cain - Heart & Soul Vol. 2 Dimitri & the Scarecrow - Messenger is Sender (from 2015, finally got released onto streaming this year, still pretty great and another great Zimbabwean rapper for us to all fawn over, just like billy woods) Flowking Stone - Gifted 1 The Hoodies - Incommunicado Jayy Grams - Every Gram Counts Domo Genesis/Mike and Keys - Just in Case1/2 Madwiz - God’s Gold Teeth Maez301 - Hasaan Daara J Family - Yaamatele Dai Burger - Dessert EP TeePhlow - Road To Phlowducation II Tef Poe/Blvck Spade - Preacher in the Trap Terrell Hines - Portal One: The Mixtape redveil - niagara Nyukyung - Trap Harmonix AdrianXpression - Sucka Deante Hitchcock - Better (Deluxe) maassai & jWords - ve.loc.i.ty tobe nwigwe - cincoriginals everything Kelsey Lu did this year.

strangest things happening in music in general.

vic mensah actually making a great record. goldlink going through a narcissistic collapse and winding up making the best music of his career. redveil blowing up off Fantano calling him wack. pharoahe monch finally making a rock pivot and it actually works. meet me@the garden coming 10 years too late for my 14 year old self. RAP Ferreira being in the NYTimes, selling a vinyl record for $72, creating an actual nostrum grocers in a video game so we can listen to his next record. The entirety of the playboi carti phenomenom. The entirety of the lil uzi vert phenomenom. The entirety of Chance’s instagram EP being far more money worthy then the entirety of the Big Day and yet being released on Insta and not immediately monetized. Deante Hitchcock releasing a great album and being completely forgotten armand hammer releasing their underground kings wayyy too early. my ass continually not actually looking into amapiano despite always loving it when I review it. several good songs needing to be tacked on to a prior youtube vid as an ad for me to find them instead of actually listening to the artists. santan dave still releasing good verses after he made his illmatic. (expect his new album to suck.) slowthai becoming cake. (we let that go way too far.) Guapdad and BfB Packman being wonderful. Finding out BfB PAckman is a better rapper than Sada Baby. John Boyega putting on Ego Ella May. Having to admit Young Dolph was good all this time and i missed out like a fool.

best tv performance.

Chance The Rapper’s “A Chi-Town Christmas.” IDK’s “Change The Channel.” Sa-Roc’s Tiny Desk Concert. Chika in general. Robert Glapser’s “This Changes Everything (ft. Denzel Curry).” SZA at the Roots Picnic. Sampa The Great at the Roots Picnic. RAP Ferreira in general. Umi’s “Introspection Live Show.” Alexa Esperanza’s cover of “Is It A Crime.” Bad Bunny in general. the jwords, nappy nina and MIKE performances at Satellite Syndicate

most embarrassing piece of music i love with all my heart

Logic’s No Pressure. In all sense of the words I should not love this album like I love my siblings but I do. It is beautiful.

best 10 songs of this year objectively

1 - RAP Ferriera - An Idea Is A Work Of Art (ft. Mike Ladd) [prod. by Kenny Segal, mr. carmack and Mike Parvizi]

I know, I know. In all honesty Doldrums should be here. Then Noz put it on his best list and I had to be all ChiTown Go-Getter and pick the next better thing: this. And in all honesty, it has the best lyric RAP spits on the album: “we build better answers.” But it’s not just that, it’s RAP’s most animated performance, the most dexterous piece on the whole album and the most gorgeous beat, a loping bassline sliding behind the flatfooted drum, allowing Mike Ladd, his musical father, to gently drift through, saying, “what if royalty depised us?” and knowing the only gold is soul and giving it to all of us, all us maggots and vultures and locusts and weevils, to hold to the light so we can finally see. On the quest to get open and free, we continue.

2 - Chika - U Should [prod. by Lido]

I heard this the night it dropped and shot 2 insta videos playacting as it played. But apart from that, it’s a intimate, beautiful song about getting to know a new lady love, so tenderly sung it might melt and disappear if not held gently, with a sweeping guitar lick and purring trumpets sliding all over the place, Chika softly holding each frayed piece together into a considered, gorgeous piece - wait, she’s talking her shit.

3 - Issa Gold - Boys Don’t Cry [prod. by Kingjet & Sherwyn and Matt Zara]

The only reason this isn’t number one is because it dropped on Christmas Eve. But otherwise, it’s a openheart letter to us all. “it’s a lonely path being different,” Issa says, swimming in the melted ice caps as he once danced happily on the edges of melting glaciers that failed to drown him, looking at the world that keeps hurting his heart, yet he still opens his eyes and smiles, and dances. The heavy drums are so bouncy the whole song suddenly flies, formerly a hidden murmur becoming a bright sunlit flight across the sky so we can all see. I can’t wait to see Tempus, if it’s anything as good as this was.

4 - Deante Hitchcock - Growing Up/Mother God [prod. by Brandon Phillips-Taylor]

In all honesty, “Growing Up” is really not the best song on Better. It’s a sweet, happy song with a smooth, crackling bassline with soft, ghostly synths, but still kinda ok. It’s the song added at the end, “Mother God”, that has warm, sizzling piano chords and gorgeous singing in the back. It’s one of the few time I’ve ever heard a man pay homage to the woman in his life and to the God above while being entirely sincere and not faking the funk. The way he praises his mom, his lady, remembering the women in his family taking care of him and him foolishly neglecting Breonna due to his overburdened mind feels full of details, remembrances, explanations and praises. Plus, it actually makes sense that God, if she exists (she does) is a woman since -

5 - Yana Perrault - whiskey and weed [prod. by slate]

Apparently, Yana Perrault is verified now. Excellent. {YES YES MY GOD YESS}, It means more folks know about how great this song, and Yana herself is. If I had any sense, I would’ve written up 12:21 as the best song of 2018, but such is life. Anyway, we have this smooth, bass heavy slinker with shimmering percussion and lumbering drums about hooking up with a former flame who’s “sober” yet keeps on calling Yana to break their sobriety, “know we ain’t talked in a while but you still know my address,” she wryly mentions. As the beat sprints away under a warm cocoon of accapella echoes, it mirrors a relationship so tenuous it might disappear into the wind. Yet still strong enough to have whiskey on call.

6 - Marlon Craft - Culture Sick Freestyle [prod. by Cormill]

Apparently this was supposed to be a shot at Flex. And since Flex is a woman beater and a lame, good for him. Shouldn’t have even gone on Flex to be honest, but then again neither should Jay Critch or Tyler or Black Thought and besides, I watch those freestyles too. And on the freestyle, Marlon frankly put things in perspective. “You don’t want us to better, you just want to be cool still.” This describes all of rap media to be real. And tellingly, it only has 310,000 views. Methinks nobody really wants real. But I do. Thank u Marlon, you continue to be the best white rapper alive. (Nowhere near the best rapper tho, and if Token hadn’t fell off -)

7 - Miah - Cascades [prod. by Cedes]

I’m sideeyeing the boy Miah cuz I had to search up his Audiomack to find the producer’s name (it’s Cedes, and they have a really great avalanche of Drake Type Beats is you like that kind of thing). Were you trying to trick folk into thinking you produced it yourself? You don’t need to do that shit. Especially since you’re writing stuff like “back in high school all my peers were tryin to hit the league / until the league too far from reach so they tap dancing over beats.” When you can frankly break down life that clearly, don’t be trying to hide producer’s names unless you actually learn to produce too. Plaster your name all over that shit.

8 - Justine Darcenne - Off Days [prod. by Mikhail Miller] / Enny - Peng Black Girls (ft. Amia Brave [prod. by Paya]

Justine is indeed my classmate, but that’s not why this song is here. it’s here because it’s a nice little guitar driven song with a spellbinding bridge that’s the best thing I’ve heard her do yet. And I’mma keep it short cuz I already wrote this up at the Singles Jukebox.

Enny released this soft, cushiony record with washed out synths over bulky drums and floated FLOATED over them without even trying to run in the tar, saying frankly, “He said to me, 'they put guns in the streets, that’s what they wanted for me.’ And I said, ‘G, someone can fix you a plate but no one can force you to eat.’” After all, why not try to live for something greater than what the world has expected you to be. And Amia sings, “We’re gon be alright, ok?” with the joy and excitement of someone realizing the words coming alive on their tongue. One of the best songs of this miserable year, and it’s kinda funny watching Jorja accidentally Drake out Amia and even Enny (and by funny I mean irritating.)

9 - Tobi Lou - okay (ft. Dreezy) [prod. by Matteo Woods & Dilip]

Fun fact: Dilip did some great songs with Otxhello, a producer who recorded and mixed 2 records on my first album. That again is not why this song is here. The warm, swinging synths and heavy, bouncy drums are why this is here. Oh, and Tobi’s goofy, silly lyrics and his surprisingly effective Missy Elliott tribute are great too. But obviously, the verse that vaulted this into top 10 was Dreezy, which opens with such a openhearted line, “i can’t help it, it’s too hard to say I’m sorry.” And every line is harder than the last, until she closes with “and I ain’t talkin frontals but we got the city sown up.” Absolutely amazing.

10 - Strongman Burner - Pilolo (ft. KelvynBoy) [prod. by Nixie]

The sweet, gooey synths are poured over the soft, zipping and smooth drums as the wiry bass whirls between Kelvyn’s soft, thin crooning as Stoneman tap dances over the drums, both desperate and defiant, trying to salvage a sinking relationship that he knows is already gathering coral and snappers. It’s the best afropop song of the year and yet it still has a Nigerian on it (well, I put 4 Nigerians on here, next year I’m rectifying that.) And they even did a song together last year , not as good as this. At all. (still pretty good tho.)

best 10 songs i love (but not enough to write full paragraphs for, I already put 10 in and this is already 5 goddamn pages)

11 - Logic - Heard ‘Em Say

best song on the project that isn’t Dadbod but at least it isn’t tempting fate.

12 - Deqn Sue - Creep

I already love this for having a gorgeous bridge, and is cute af. Yes Sue, you can creep.

13 - Quelle Chris & Chris Keys - Sudden Death/ka - i love {moms, mimi, kev}

QUELLE CHIS CAN SANG SANG./ka can heart heart write.

14 - IDK - Square Up (ft. Juicy J)

I don’t know why this is here either but this slaps regardless.

15 - Nappy Nina - Modestly (ft. Maassai)

Maassai is creating some of the best raps out here. so is Nappy Nina.

16 - Kehlani - Lexii’s Outro (ft. Lexii Ajaii)

Let’s celebrate our great rappers when they’re alive (and this includes me. Pls Chika, don’t win Best New Artist.)

17 - Samad Savage - Goodnight

What Travis Scott should’ve tried to be instead of what he is now. Samad still dope af regardless.

18 - Bad Bunny - Si Veo Tu Mama

The way Bad Bunny actually hits that last note makes me feel so excited and alive.

19 - Fat Tony - Back In The Saddle

I fucked up. But I’m getting back in the saddle, back in the saddle next year. NO NIGERIANS ALL NIGERIENS. #ENDSARS tho.

20 - Lady A - the truth is loud

Why am I the only one who has this on a best list? I have 34 bot followers. Vibe, step it up.

best of 2020 music right here folxs.

worst music things of the year:

The Pop Smoke album. Just in all areas. (Better win that Grammy tho.) Travis Scott in general. (So loud and empty and boring.) Big Sean’s Detroit 2. (why does this exist? Just put out Deep Reverence and Detroit Night Cypher and leave everything on the cutting room floor fo the next album.) Remembering all the great rappers who are dead or incarcerated. No Kendrick album (just leaks. Not good enough.) J. Cole and Noname beefing and Noname getting strung up by twitter. Jay Rock pushing being anti-vaccinations. The realization that Normani might never drop a single record ever again. Tory Lanez in general. Joyner Lucas making actually good songs and falling off almost immediately. Cardi B in general. Anything positive being said about steven Universe songs. Luzamity shipping (until it’s canon please stop! Willuz is RIGHT THERE!)

[kinktae]

The penultimate part🥺 I’m not ready to say goodbye, Bitchin!Jungkook has definitely been one of my fav characterizations of him that I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your work with all of us💖

bitchin 9 asks bc i suck

sapphireprinces5 said: bitchin’ pt9 was just so beautiful?? the way you explained the emotions and interactions between the characters was just amazing!! I felt myself hanging on every word wow excited for the end but will miss bitchin’ so much 🤧

Anonymous said: TAEHYUNG AND YARA SIGN ME UP GURL!!!!

Anonymous said: Like I just feel like if Jk really liked y/n he wouldn’t have slept with Kiri, you know? It shouldn’t matter that he didn’t know how y/n felt. And it’s obvious that he has feelings for y/n so I just hope that’s something y/n addresses when she talks to him. Don’t settle for less girl! Get you a man who will fight for you regardless 👏 (btw this is not me criticizing how you wrote it in any way! I’m just so invested in the characters and am thinking about how I would feel in this scenario :) )

Anonymous said: I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN WITH YARA AND TAE I FELT IT SO DEEP IN MY BONES IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM 😭😭😭

Anonymous said: Hi! I just binge read bitchin in a day and can I just say that I loved it! I really love the female characters as well, you’ve written them so beautifully 🥺 if I was y/n I wouldn’t be concerned so much about Jk not sleeping with Kiri if he knew the way y/n felt, but rather the fact that if Jk didn’t want to sleep with Kiri, he wouldn’t have, regardless of y/n’s feelings or not. IMO y/n’s feelings shouldn’t be the issue here, but Jk’s should! If I was y/n’s bff that’s what I would tell her LOL

Anonymous said: OH MY GOODNESS! YES !!!! YESSSSS Y.E.S Muchas graciaaaas!!!

Anonymous said: tae and yara are my new ship)

unknowntalesx said: okay but like tae and yara thooO they got me all smiley being like oh yeah bayyybeEE das what im talking about 😏 ALSO OKAY NOW THAT I AM MORE LUCID KIRI GOT FUCKING WRECKED I LOVED THAT SHE GOT A DOSE OF HER OWN MANIPULATIVE MEDICINE I AM 😤😤😤😤😤

Anonymous said: im not ready for bitchin to end )):

Anonymous said: I SCREAMED WHEN Y/N TOLD KIRI THE TRUTH. YES QUEEN. STAB AND TWIST THE KNIFE!

Anonymous said: ROSE AHHSHSJSKSD FUCK U I’m all hot and bothered with anticipation for pt 10 now 😩😩😩🥵

sydney--chan said: We really stan y/n for using her big ol brain to rock kiris world oh my god I yelled also I say what's your damage all the time bring that shit back

Anonymous said: a tae x yara spin off series or one shot...... haha jk..... unless..... 👀

Anonymous said: Fuck kiri's scheming ass. I'm glad YN ripped her a new one

Anonymous said: AAHHHHHH once again, I love this chapter so much!!!! I was screaming at Yara and Tae part. Seriously!!!! I am SURE she felt that spark when he kissed her. Is she going to be the one falling for the guy while he wants something casual now? Or maybe Tae will fall for her as well? Ahhhh so cute! I feel like that would be a nice spin off yk (no pressure, I swear). And Erik, woah I didn't expect him to be like that. To be so nice and wise. Great character development indeed! It was really nice (1/2)

Anonymous said: To see their interaction and the way he opened her eyes (for some reason I couldn't help but picture him as Namjoon). Ohhh the Kiri part tho!!!! I felt really petty but in the best way lol. Anywaysss I am really excited for the last chapter (really sad too) and I am sure it is going to be the best because you are a genius! Thank you for sharing another amazing chapter with us! ♥♥♥ (2/2)

Anonymous said: OKAY I absolutely adored Bitchin part 9 😻 I always thought that it was also OC fault for what happened between her and jk, he obviously was the main jerk but she never actually admitted her feelings to him and he doesn't read minds so??¿¿? Really loved that she came to understand it. And I was rooting SO MUCH for yara and tae MAN I AM CRYING THEY DESERVE IT 🙌🏻

Anonymous said: you came through with the tae x yara content we all needed omg thank you!! if anyone’s gonna make yara fall in love it’s tae lol

Anonymous said: I honestly lowkey hate bitchin’ jungkook right now. I thought I’d get over it but I just can’t imagine how hurt and disgusted Y/N was when she found out that jk and kiri were together just hours before they were like ugh. It doesn’t help that I’m also really interested in Erik’s character development now so it would’ve been really interesting to see how he’d fit in Y/N’s life. 🥺

Anonymous said: jungkook and y/n wANT what yara and tae have

Anonymous said: TAEYARA YES FINALLY OUR WISHES HAVE BEEN ANSWERED 😍😍

Anonymous said: just want to let you know you’re an absolute angel and all you create is nothing short of perfection. *sends you all of the love*

spring2787 said: I jus came from a 4 hour long class and it's finally here... Thank you so much dear 🎂 💜

Anonymous said: Is yara me ? Like when she said that boy act like they understand the no string involved but then fall in love , dude I felt that , that's literally the story of my life lmaoooo Like the number of time a dude told me yeah I'm okay with that and then acted shocked when I told him I didn't feel anything for him is impressive lmaoo Anyway I'm so eager for the last chapter!!!! you did an amazing job!!

kuhweenbri said: The way I already finished but anyways girl I absolutely loved this part and now I’m excited for the next part 😭😭 will we be seeing more of T-ara??

Anonymous said: OMG YARA AND TAEEEEEEEEE. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEANT BY FANSERVICE. JSJSJSJJSBXBSBSB But on a serious note, this fic just keeps on getting better. The fact that there's only one chapter left still hasn't come home to me 😭 but thank you so much for blessing us with this!💜💜

Anonymous said: YO! bitchin is flippin brilliant! you have done so well! jungkook broke my heart in part 9! im emotional but also so ready for part 10! please take your time. have a lovely day

Anonymous said: i don’t normally talk to writers on here but bitchin is really bitchin, i haven’t read a fanfic in so long that makes me excited to read the next part and maybe it’s because i’m so used to all of the aus being recycled but bitchin is truly a breathe of fresh air to me for some reason, maybe because you fleshed out the right hand mans for both characters idk or the it being a different time period, but i just wanted to say you are smashing bitchin dude and i love it!!

shy-kpop-girl said: BITCHIN': I just caught up on 8 & 9. Shocked & angry at JK. Because regardless of whether he knew y/n' feelings it was a dick move to sleep with Kiri one night and y/n the next morning. And it wasn't like he came over to talk/tell y/n about Kiri & things escalated because he went right at it as soon as she let him in. Even tho it was hot. 😳 But Erik. I wanted to hate him but dude surprised me with his reasoning. I loved that dialogue! Once again your writing is amazing & I love this story!

Anonymous said: Bitchin is the best fanfic on tumblr. And no one can change my mind. You’re doing amazing!! Much love xoxo

Anonymous said: “Think of life as one big puzzle and everyone you meet is shaped differently, right? Yet somehow… they fit. We find those that complete us. And they’re not necessarily opposites but—“ MAAM that part hit SOOO different omg your brain!?! Outta this world! Like this is whole ass literature!!!! I stg Bitchin’ is the best thing on this app and I meant that w my whole chest.

Anonymous said: I'm not ready for Bitchin to end. It's soooooo good 😍😍😍

kmultifandom said: Since there's a cast for bitchin I wanna audition for y/n because i wanna be a biologist and I have some similar personality traits *mic drop* Also great work, I seriously love it. No other fan fiction I have read was so close to my actual self and that impresses me even more and make it like it 10 times more djksksks

Anonymous said: how will I live when bitchin ends agghhh I haven’t even read 8-9 cause I’m waiting for the happy ending before I’m heartbroken and left waiting for the last part

Anonymous said: you know what would be super fun and crazy 😛😛🙈🙈 if you dropped bitchin’ pt 10 right now 😳😳 haha just kidding .... unless 😏😏

Anonymous said: lets gooooo!!!!!!!!!!! bitchin pt 10 better haunt me for the rest of the year

Anonymous said: I feel like I’m going to get so emotional once Bitchin’ part 10 is released. It’s like I’m sending off my non-existing kids to university because I won’t be able to see Bitchin!Jungkook anymore 🥺

Anonymous said: I can’t believe Bitchin’ is for real ending 😩 it’s soo gud 

Anonymous said: Can’t wait till bitchin PART 10 Probably gonna fall asleep before u post but I’ll try to stay up for it 🥺

Anonymous said: i love your writing honestly and i just really want you to be happy. your writing is immaculate and i really want you to know that you are talented and skilled so yeah. sorry if this is out of nowhere but i just really want to show appreciation to writers because they don't get enough and you are definitely my favorite writer:)) hope you have a good day!!

Anonymous said: okay but if Bitchin' goes on for 50 chapters that would be good too.. just sayin'.

tpo-quinn said: Bruh, I can already feel that I'm gonna cry from the last chapter of bitchin'...I CAN'T WAIT!

leojjeon said: so i've re-read bitchin ready for chapter 10 an I am feeling all sorts of emotions. it's fair to say it's my favourite series I've read!

Anonymous said: y did i forget bitchin would have an end like 😳😐we’ve been on this bitchin journey w u for so long i’m sad it’s over

Anonymous said: What what what?? Bitchin is ending??!!! Didnt it just fucking start like all the drama and tae&yara!!!! Omg girl!!!

Anonymous said: ur the absolute fucking GODDESS of writing angst, ive never ever waited for a ff to be updated before as if it was a new episode of my fav show coming out. thank u for writing and be so active, muah ur amazing

Anonymous said: a moment of silence for our loved bitchin who will die soon 😔 gone but not forgotten, she will always be in our hearts. all the best rides come to an end 😭

[flameontheotherside]

Stopping victim mentality is HARD!

If you are serious about becoming spiritually mature on your journey, we have to make attempts to heal. No you don't need to be completely cleansed. It's just not possible but if you think it works, do you. Maybe it depends on how deep your wounds are.

I know I write a lot about my struggles and how this journey is tough at times. Parts of why I have this blog online is:

It won't get tossed if written in a notebook.

I want to openly bexpress myself.

Hope that I help someone go through the same thing.

To heal.

Healing is a repeating process.

It's a practice you gotta do every day or as often as your mental health allows. There's no race or need to clear yourself of all things "bad". I think we need some traumatic experiences to share with people. To show people you've been there and you know what it's like. Helping others is unconditional love.

Victim mentality that is deep coming from early childhood abuse is nuts. Idk if it's true for everyone though. Mine was just emotional abuse and some unintentional parental neglect. It's not an excuse that my mother was a single very young parent if three. She could have had an abortion or gave us up.

Now personally I wouldn't go the abortion route but I also never got myself pregnant either. I'm 33 and childless so....yeah. To be clear I don't care if anyone has abortions but it would have honestly been nice if she either aborted or gave us up if she wasn't mature enough to be a parent is all. Her actions are the very reason for a while I didn't want kids. In fact all three of us siblings still have no kids because of how oblivious our mother was.

Anyway so the abuse wasn't physical or whatever.

It was purely neglect and verbal abuse. I was born with special needs from the jump. I had to have several surgeries due to hernias. Then I had classic signs of autism but it went unnoticed because back then girls and women were not diagnosed. My mother was never around and when she was she locked herself in her room and didn't want to be bothered. Single mother under 25 with two jobs. She barely had any time so because of that we stayed at group homes. That's a whole other bag of chips.

Traumas starting at a young age and continues into adulthood? Yeah it's hard as fuck to not feel sorry for yourself. I was heavily bullied and generally treated like shit for a number of reasons and if you don't know, my TF is deceased and that's another whole bag of chips so it's a constant thing of...

My life sucks, my twin flame is dead wahh wahh wahh, why me, oh woe is me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I allow myself to feel, express myself and then do my best to let it go. Yeah it's hard. Erik tells me all the time that I gotta let myself really feel and cry about it. I don't like crying. My problem is I'll rant for a second and then focus on something else. Then tuck away my feelings until something happens even like my period or something not panning out I literally would cry all day (privately) and then heal by talking about it with Erik and\or Rick.

It's a repeat process and at first...

....I wasn't seeing results until I realized that I actually dont absolutely hate my mother anymore.

For example...

She was young and I'm sure scared. Yeah I'm harsh on young mothers because of my experiences but not as much. I was able to text my mom everything I felt about her. I even said some very hurtful things. Like really railed it into her because I couldn't hold how I felt in anymore. What triggered me was that she chose an abusive man over me and my siblings. Ironically I was in the very same exact situation! That's how we ended up homeless around the same time. More about that later. Insane!

The miracle was that while it made her cry, I'm very certain it allowed her to understand why I couldn't give a rats ass about her cancers, why I was always defiant, and why I couldn't go to her when I needed her. She in her way apologized. Now we have a relationship and when we both coincidencentally became homeless together I stayed with her at the shelter, ran errands for her (she can't walk from the cancer treatments now), call her on her birthday, call her on mothers day and even call her when I'm upset or just bored.

There was also a repetative past life dream I had that made me realize also that part of why my mother was so reluctant to care for me at times was because I was a slave driver in the south assumingly. She was my slave! When I saw the poor old women's eyes, I saw my mother. It was so powerful. I understood that she felt like a slave to me. I was demanding but it wasn't my fault though. It still got me to understand why things were. It was hard to stay angry with her. And yeah I told her about the dream.

So stopping the victimhood is a constant process.

The important thing is that you become consciously aware. Recognize you are in pain, try not to take it out on others, don't make yourself entitled, feel your feelings and release them. But you gotta keep at it and always aim to heal. Also...

*AHEM* ....😌

😆📢 No one owes you jack fuck-all because you had a tough life!

This is the gospel of truth. This also isn't to say your pain is invalid. It's to say that it's no one's job to heal you and believe me...no one wants that job, mmkay? YOU have to heal YOU. I've been there and done that and it just doesn't fucking work because people will then start hating you. You have to realize that God, the world, the people in it do not need to bend to your will just because you either refuse to be accountable or heal. I get that healing is hard. It's hard for everyone! Everyone has pain and it's a spectrum. Please don't get into the habit of saying...

Well my pain is worse than yours blah blah blah ...

Pain is pain no matter how you spin it. Does it hurt? Was it traumatic? Okay great welcome to the PTSD club now sit the fuck down and get serious about stopping the victimhood bullshit. It doesn't get you anywhere. It just makes you look like a self-obssessed entitled asshole. Recognizing you need to heal is the first step to it. You need to give yourself credit and keep moving forward.

😘💕 Most of all don't be so hard on yourself!

Side note: ...I know it's hard because I beat myself up all the time 🤣. Even for shit not my fault. Now that's just dumb isn't it?

[pinkykitten]

For the fanfic asks how about 10-15 pls,,,👉👈🥺 I luv u babes a lot hiya

10. WHERE DO YOU LIKE TO WRITE? on the toilet duh that’s where I get most inspiration lol 😂 jk I mostly write in my room. I have like problems focusing and so I can’t have like music with words in it cuz then I pay attention to that and not my writing. I also can’t watch tv while I’m writing haha MY BRAIN HAS GONE ON HOLIDAY I SWEAR

11. MOST BIZZARE IDEA FOR WRITING YOU’VE HAD? For some reason I can’t think of anything rn but I had this fic I was going to write where it’s an reader insert w Erik killmonger, and it was you both going to the club and you were going to be a silly goose in there and joke around. I was also for the hairspray chapter fics with billy Hargrove I was going to make him die like in canon but it was too hard for me and too much cuz I love my billy and I couldn’t let him die so...I made him live lol 😂 idk tho I can’t think of anything atm

12. DO YOU WRITE ON PAPER, LAPTOP, OR YOUR PHONE? I used to write on paper like the olden times when I was legit like an old grandma BUT man was it like so long and hard ok this sounds wrong but to put what u have on paper onto the computer wow TOO MUCH WORK!!! I used to do it bc I didn’t know about drafts and saving crap so yeah I was legit like an old person but now I write on the computer but let me tell you this for some reason writing w my hands I got more inspiration and it seems more idk like one w my mind and writing and writing it w my hands it’s like it’s all one and it’s nice and relaxing 😌

13. FAVORITE CHARACTER TO WRITE? Ohhh golly gosh god this is a rlly hard question ummmmm I really like writing peter parker, Zach Dempsey (lol I hate this newest season so aghh), Erik killmonger, Jake sully, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, idk 😐 there are SO MANG U KNOW WHAT I LOVE WRITING ALL MY BABIES ALL MY HUBBYS BABY DADDIES LIKE ALL OF THEM ARE LIFE OK I CANNOT CHOOSE IM SORRY

14. LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTER TO WRITE? Anything with peaky blinders and listen well it’s not because I don’t like the characters on anything I think I write them crappy lol like I’m scared I’m writing the accent wrong or like the words they use the least one to me is Alfie Solomon’s bc he has a way of speaking and I always get nervous for wiring him cuz I know a writer that write him amazing and I don’t think I can be as good as that. Like his words and his actions and like I don’t know if I can write that ok.

15. POST A RANDOM LINE OF DIALOGUE FROM YOUR WIP. Ummm...😶 I don’t have a wip atm lol I know I suck hahaha 😆 I’ve just been working at other stuff atm but I will write today hopefully.

Thanks nonnie for asking!

fanfic/writing asks

[dem-obscure-imagines]

Okay so I’m still mad about Dark Phoenix. Here are my thoughts in an unorganized mess. SPOILERS!!!!!

1. They fucked up Raven’s death. Big time. Like what the fuck. It was a plot device. They literally killed off a staple character of the series for 1) shock value and 2) to make her two former love interests Mad >:(

2. Scott and Jean have??? No scenes together??? Are we just supposed to assume they’re a couple without seeing any romance between them at all? This movie is supposed to be about Jean and they spent so much time on pointless things that they didn’t even have time to develop her relationship with Scott???

3. Kurt was perfect and I’m still in love with him

4. Speaking of Kurt, tho, did he even like...know that Raven was his mom??? Did that happen during the time gap? Probably not. That could have maybe actually been a meaningful moment and there are no emotions in this film, so...

5. Literally no one was in character. Like. It felt like someone who had never seen an X-Men movie in their life read a really shitty fanfic and based the script on their basic understanding from that fic.

6. Specifically, Charles, Erik, and Hank were all suuuuuuuuuuper out of character. Like I get that Hank was Mad about Raven dying bc obviously she was his friend and he cared about her, but he would have NEVER tried to kill Jean. Neither would Erik. Like yeah, they would be upset, but they...that whole “climax” was so stupid.

7. The alien villains were boring and stereotypical. “We’re alien refugees from a planet that was destroyed so we’re here to kill all of the people on your planet” is such a dumb Xenophobic trope please let it die. 

8. Quicksilver’s character was wasted. I get Evan Peters is a busy dude, but it was such lazy writing. “Uh oh, Jean is too powerful! Quicksilver is injured for the whole fucking movie bc we don’t know how to write a fight scene where he’s present” Jesus Christ. Like at least when they gave Kurt a time-out at the end of Apocalypse it felt plausible. Like yeah, teleporting all those people is tiring, obviously he’s gonna need a little time to recover.

9. Did we just...forget that Jubilee exists??? They cut the ONE SCENE from Apocalypse where she actually got to use her powers and now we’ll never see her again. 

10. Did Peter ever tell Erik that he’s his dad? Probably not because again, no one in this movie had a single fucking emotion.

11. Super small, but the musical score kinda sucked. 

12. I thought Storm’s ice powers were pretty cool, but it felt like a cop-out for Ice Man not being born yet. Especially with the ice cubes at the party. It just felt kind of dumb idk.

13. For a “female-driven” movie it felt really lacking. I’m so fucking sick of male directors making movies with women leads. They just....can’t write or direct them. We need more women in Hollywood.

14. Okay so I know the X-Men timeline is suuuuuuper fucked up already, but in Days of Future Past, Jean is LITERALLY alive in the present day when Logan gets back so...she can’t have died in the 90′s unless there was more time-travel involved, which there was not. 

15. Like I get that the stupid phoenix flying at the end was supposed to be like :o Jean????? is alive?!?!?! Is she?!?!?! Really?!?!?! but it just felt like the fucking dirt on Superman’s casket at the end of Batman V Superman. 

Anyway I’m furious lmao send me some Kurt requests please and thank u uwu

[samwilsonsbabymama]

Sunday Mornings

Pairing: Erik Stevens x Reader x Sam Wilson

Summary: This is just sex… like nothing else lol also there’s no dialogue... like??? IDK why, but there’s none. Also, I’m not sure if it makes sense because I wrote it at like 5 am and I hate proofreading so this might be crap, but oh well

Warnings: smut, maybe some fluff, more sex, and more sex

Word count: >1,400

You couldn't tell if you were dreaming or if you were awake. The sensations that filled your body were out of this world as you teetered on the edge of wakefulness. You felt his hands grip your waist as he slowly entered you once again. 

You weren't sure how long he had been fucking you, but you loved waking up with him already inside of you. You pushed back against him and moaned when he slapped your thigh in warning. He didn't want you to move. He wanted to use you for his pleasure only. He didn't care if you came or not, his only goal was to fill you with his cum once again.

He wrapped his arm around your waist and drove back into you ripping a gasp from your throat. You clung to his arm, digging your nails into his skin forcing yourself to stay still but it was proving hard.

His thrusts were relentless behind you as you locked eyes with the man in front of you. The smirk on his face told you that he had been up the entire time as he watched Sam fuck you from behind. 

You licked your lips as your eyes traveled down his chest, past his hips, and to his straining erection. You wanted a taste, but you knew that if you moved, this would all be over.

You moaned as Sam thrust into you particularly hard drawing your attention back to him causing Erik to chuckle. Sam's nails were biting into your skin as the sounds of your skin slapping against each other filled the room. 

Erik turned and faced you before he gently caressed your cheek and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. His hand roamed down your body, between the valley of your breasts, over your belly button, and finally stopping where you and Sam were connected. His fingers played with your clit bringing you closer to the edge before he backed off. He smirked into his kiss as he removed his fingers from you. Still facing you, he gripped his erection and began to match Sam's strokes. 

The sight of Erik and the feel of Sam was a surefire way to make you cum, but this wasn't about you right now. You tried with all your might to hold back your orgasm as Sam fucked you. So you went limp, you became a prisoner to the sensations and let Sam completely control your body. He grunted in satisfaction before rolling you onto your stomach and climbing on top of you. He pressed down on your lower back arching you just the way he liked as you watched Erik continue to pleasure himself.

You glanced at the clock just passed Erik and noted that it was a quarter past 5 am. What was it about Sunday mornings that made these two so horny? 

Sam thrust harder into you bringing you back to the present. Ever since you had agreed to have his baby, it had been his mission to make that happen. He never hesitated to fill you with his cum, not that he ever did before, it's just that now he took every opportunity to. The moment he came home from working out or hanging with Steve or in the middle of the night he would take the time to fill you with his seed.

And this time was no different. Sure he wanted you to cum, but something about the way he fucked you now told you that he couldn't care less if you did, he was in a sadistic mood, and so you played along. Locking eyes with Erik you smirked as you began to move with Sam. A sharp sting on your butt cheek temporarily halted your movements, but you wanted more. You winked at Erik before you began to wiggle, pretending to try to move away from Sam but he held fast and drove harder into you. 

Erik let out a bark of laughter when you squealed as Sam dragged his nails down your back. Sam was close, he loved when you fought him, well when you tried to. 

His body easily overpowered yours, and this was no exception, but that didn't keep you from struggling. You noticed Erik's strokes getting faster as he forgot about matching Sam's and began to seek out his own completion. Your cries of pleasure/pain egged him on as you fought against Sam. You tried pushing up, but the gold Sam had on you was stronger than you thought. He growled, and you smiled as you felt his dick swell inside of you. 

Erik grunted next to you, his breath hitching as he reached his peak. You were saddened by all the wasted cum that coated his stomach, but the sight of his satisfied face calmed that feeling. 

Sam grunted one more as his right hand slid to the back of your neck and pressed you farther into the mattress. He pulled your hips higher off the bed and thrust into you three more times before emptying his seed into you. 

You weren't sure how long you two remained in that position before Erik rolled out of the bed and returned with the glasses of water and a couple of washcloths.

You were against all movements when it hit you that you still hadn't cum and that Sam was still hard inside of you. 

You groaned when he began rocking into you, gentler this time. Your eyes locked onto Erik as he watched Sam continue to fuck you. 

Erik’s dick twitched when he realized what he had to do. He sat the items in his hands down on the nightstand and climbed onto the bed. He knelt in front of you and watched as Sam allowed you to raise up to your knees. Your hands quickly found his thighs and you nuzzled his erection. Sam slapped your ass and you parted your lips and engulfed Erik's dick. He held still as his dick slid into your mouth, the tip touching the back of your throat and they both hummed in approval when you opened your throat to him.

Erik kept his hands locked behind his back as you continued to suck him. You were determined to not let any of his cum go to waste like it did last time, so you deepthroated him as if your life depended on it. When Sam would thrust hard into you, you would moan around Erik's length. He was showing great restraint keeping his hands off you and you tried every trick you knew in order to break him, but he held back.

Sam, on the other hand, was determined to make you feel him. He fucked you harder than earlier, his hands firmly locked onto your waist holding you still as he thrust into you from behind. Sam’s thrust finally became erratic, signaling his approaching orgasm, as he moved his hand and began rubbing your clit. He wanted you to cum with him, and you wanted to bring Erik along with you. As Sam’s fingers worked your clit, you doubled your efforts on making Erik cum. You felt his dick twitching, and you moaned knowing that the vibrations would bring him closer. 

Erik finally gave in and finally buried his fingers into your thick coils, your scarf long gone. He tugged on your thick coils forcing you to swallow his dick as he spilled his seed down your throat. The sound of Erik's moans and the feeling of Sam working your clit as he thrust into you sent you over the edge. You tightened around Sam as your orgasm took over your body. His thrusts became brutal before he buried himself to the hilt and coated your walls with his cum.

The three of you stayed in your positions as you all came down from your highs. Erik was the first to move, removing himself from your mouth. You followed by falling onto your stomach and you giggled when you felt Sam hit the mattress next to you. Erik handed you and Sam a glass of water each before he drank from his. The three of you drank in silence, all finishing at different times. When you were all done, you snuggled back into the covers and closed your eyes. You heard them both chuckle before they both followed your lead.

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