#idk like. do y’all have to be told how to interact with the world? bc the infographics present it in such a way

[starredforlife]

i don’t understanding having to be asked to normalize things do y’all not already think abt it on your own

[bejeweledinterludes]

when you're back from your break, it'd be really cool if you wrote headcanons about Dean raising Sam :) I feel like the fandom forgets that Dean is basically his dad sometimes and I think it'd be interesting to see how Dean acted like a dad at such a young age 😌 things he did, ways he protected Sam, idk, stuff like that :3

(obviously there's literally no pressure to write this, I just really love and respect your headcanons and style!!)

(p.s. just to make sure you know: in no way is this prompt related to Wincest 🤮)

ooo wait i love this omg and thank you for clarifying no wincest lol bc i will NEVER support or write about it. i hope i did your request justice, and thank you so so so much for your sweet words!

DISCLAIMER: this really should go without saying, but i’ll clarify it anyway in case anyone wants to think otherwise— in absolutely no way am i romanticizing or aestheticizing what sam and dean both went through as children or adults. while supernatural is a tv show, and sam and dean are fictional characters, real people and children experience domestic violence, neglect and abuse in the our world every single day. please do not read or interact if you are sensitive to these topics.

██████████████████████████

❝ long as i’m around,

nothin’ bad is gonna happen to you. ❞

OR my headcanons of dean being a single mom who works two jobs (aka raising sam while also raising himself)!

『 part 7 of @bejeweledinterludes’ headcanons series. 』

‧˚₊⋅ ──── faith’s tell-all. to everyone who’s ever shown my writing love / support, thank you to the stars and back— it means everything and more. also, i’ll be leaving again, perhaps for good. all i’m gonna say is that my thoughts / emotions aren’t doing good at all right now, and this app is the cause of it (for the first time ever). obviously, i don’t like feeling this way, and i certainly don’t want it to reflect in my writing / my actions on this app, so i’m probably gonna dip. i don’t really like talking about my feelings (in general, but especially on here) or asking for pity, so i’m not going to bother y’all with that. anyways enjoy this one, hopefully see ya soon <3

𖤐 ────────────────────────

> “protect sammy,” was the only thing dean remembers from his younger days for the most part. only thing he knew. i could delve into the absolute nitty gritty, the abuse, the hardships, the burdens that both sam and dean endured, but if i think too hard about it, i get mad— because no child should have to raise another child. ever.

let me be very clear on that, and this: most of the family dynamics in supernatural are not healthy by any means— but they are a reality for many, which is one of the reasons why people resonate with the show.

> now, throughout the show, we can see that dean is potrayed as somewhat of a father figure / guardian type— from regular children to monster children, to ben, jack, claire, kevin, etc. maybe more of a ‘fun uncle’ type situation, since he’s told kids (and thus, the audience) time and time again that he is not someone to look up to, or to become. which is a double edged sword.

because on the one hand, dean has a point: he’s self-deprecating, an alcoholic, has a temper, treats people like shit, and makes rash decisions that usually end in violence or a shattered bond.

but don’t think that’s everything. dean’s self-deprecating because that’s all he knows. and how the hell else would he treat himself? he’s an alcoholic because everyone that was around him drank when he was a kid— and the father figures in his life didn’t promote sobriety at all. he has a temper because when he can’t control things, that means he can’t control the outcome. he doesn’t know what’s gonna happen, and that’s why he gets so angry all the time. he treats people like shit, mostly because the ones he does treat like scum usually deserve it. the rest are because of his big stupid mouth. the rash decisions come from a place of pure panic, fear, and worry about his family— instilled in him since the night his house went up in flames.

now, all this to say, dean is a good person, deep down. because we see all throughout the show that dean wants to be better, to stop being the way he is when emotions do eventually get the better of him, to stop the habits he’s created.

> and it’s no secret that dean winchester was forced to raise sam— yet i feel that it’s severely overlooked in the show itself. sure, we do see flashbacks once in a while of a young dean taking care of a young sam, but people (including myself) brush over the fact that this was pretty much every day for dean. weeks, months, years, a decade? taking care of his brother, always before himself. let’s dive into my mind of what i think happened:

> dean stole for him and sam. obviously, yes, we all know this, since it’s canon from the show— but that was dean’s ever first crime: shoplifting / petty theft. the cop let him go, though, until one of the next towns a few months later when dean got too cocky with the cashier and smartmouthed the deputy. that landed him in a holding cell.

> dean also protected sam at school. and yes, once again, this is shown in the show, but dean was a grade-a menace when it came to his brother. shit talk dean all you want, call him anything you please, but if his brother was brought up? he blew a gasket, and the dude’s lights out. every time.

> dean did all the talking (and still does, sometimes). anywhere he and sam went alone in his younger years, dean’s mouth was the only one that was moving. diners, motel lobbies, libraries, restaurants, dive bars, pubs, you name it. sam was too nice to talk to strangers— and dean learned early on that strangers aren’t doing something ‘just to be nice’. ever.

dean’s mistrusting, down to his last nerve ending— but if his dad’s with them, he can relax. otherwise, it’s eyes everywhere, making sure they won’t be messed with.

> dean made the most of everything. we see this in the christmas episode (the flashback to their younger selves) and the fireworks memory in dean’s heaven. his main priority, if not to protect sam, was to cheer him up. keep him happy. maybe not distracted— but to take his mind off of the real world. we all do it, dean just made it easier for his brother to do so.

but sam wasn’t totally clueless, obviously— he’s smart. maybe an idiot sometimes, but not outright dumb. he knew there were things that dean and john didn’t tell him, but he didn’t press when he was younger—because sometimes, being oblivious to things was kinda nice.

this changed as sam got older, as we know. sam noped his way out of there the second he got a chance. and while dean was mad that he left— he was happy for him, too. because sam did it. he got out.

> dean definitely is / was a ‘do as i say, not as i do’ type when it came to sam (and pretty much everyone else too). dean was a bad influence, yes, but he never let sam just do whatever he did. back then, dean drank, smoked, the whole nine yards to fit in, be cool, whatever— but best believe if sam wanted to try any of that, dean shut down that idea immediately.

> that sums up most of dean’s side, though. because sam was the one who was too good, too nice, too soft— and dean wanted him to stay that way. because he wanted sam to have a normal freakin’ life (cue that speech dean gave sam in like… season 5?), to have a family. dean didn’t think he could have, or deserve that. besides, who the hell would take him?

(it’s me. i would take him)

───────────────────────── 𖤐

🏷️ list : @blossomingorchids @bluemerakis @ambiguous-avery @maddie0101 @deansbeer @sunsbaby @emeraldcrs @h8aaz @honeyryewhiskey @supernotnatural2005 @cowboysandcigarettes @soldiersgirl @bruisedfig @mostlymarvelgirl @amaris444 @kaz-2y5-spn @littlesoulshine @starzify @velvetparkerx @eggggggggggggggggggggsblog @fuckedupfate @liiiilsss @angelblqde @vmiina @mahi-wayy @viarasvogue @tinas111 @0ccvltism @plasticflowersinahistorycemetery @lunaleah @saintfaux @kimxwinchester @bettystonewell @honeyyxxbee @harlekin705 @megara0224 @ej13928 @missus-ackles

[wooahaes]

under the sun but its how long it takes the group to realize when u have started dating one of them

chan: ten seconds of seeing u both interact. it was bad before but all it takes is seeing chan smiling at you for at least half of them to realize that y’all finally decided to confess to one another. the other half gets it when you smile back at him. maybe even less if they wake up and see you two cuddling super close by yourselves bc chan would be the possessive cuddler with u at least at first.

hansol: idk maybe a few days imo. like the only one who realizes it right away is probably seungkwan bc he’s seen the two of u and just realizes how cozy u are w each other. the others catch on abt how close u have gotten after they see u two interact more with each other. jihoon knows the first time he sees hansol look at you with that like... content look in his eyes rather than being a little flustered.

seungkwan: also like ten seconds but its because seungkwan will tell everyone that u are HIS if ur okay w him doing that. otherwise then maybe half a day because he’s gonna say it accidentally especially if he sees u. he will call out a very happy “love you!!!” because hes SO enamored with u.

seokmin: the moment they see him look at you, they KNOW bc its not “normal flustered seokmin in love with u” its “in love with u seokmin knowingly gaze at u because he knows u love him back” hello sappiest man in the world loving u!!!

mingyu: honestly it takes a few days purely bc mingyu is acting the same way he does around u and ur just kinda reacting the same way. like. no one suspects anything. its honestly more likely that someone walks in on u fuckin SMOOCHIN instead of cooking before they realize oh shit y’all finally like... told each other, huh? ok these two can’t be on cooking duty together ever again.

minghao: either it takes weeks bc you two are chill as hell, or it takes like five minutes bc they realize he’s so openly doting toward you. its more likely that he at least makes it a week before openly saying something to you that makes the others realize whats going on. that or someone asks you what bees make, you go “... honey?” and he doesnt look up when he goes “yes, dear?” and thats it. u dumbasses fell for it and soonyoung is cackling.

jihoon: at least a week. probably longer. hes affectionate with u only when the two of u are alone because he doesnt want to out that relationship yet. it probably takes someone walking on the two of u cuddling for them to realize that omg... u have the same privileges as seokmin and sometimes soonyoung... this means Something. but honestly i think y’all probably keep it under wraps until someone catches u pressing a quick peck against his lips when you thought no one was around.

wonwoo: honestly also probably takes a hot sec unless u two are cuddling at night without mingyu nearby. like mingyu 100% knows as soon as y’all decide to officially be Something and agrees to cover it up by cuddling with u both (either by cuddling with u or with wonwoo, but wonwoo does Not like sharing so typically ur in his arms while mingyu’s cuddled up behind him). y’all are good at keeping it chill and lowkey. most likely u probably tease him a little and he just kisses u hard and fast and then u hear seungkwan go “I KNEW IT”

soonyoung: breakfast the next morning. he calls you baby immediately and ppl are like BABY???? and then he gets embarrassed bc it just slipped out!!! he is so filled with love for u.

junhui: also by breakfast the next morning but because everyone saw the way he lit up when you walked in and the fact he saved u a spot next to him just bc he wants to be close to u even more. honestly probably also called u his love not softly enough that someone jerked up and went MY LOVE???? so

joshua: oh, fuck, this dude could absolutely hide ur relationship for as long as the two of u wanted. he called you “darling” day TWO. he sings to u casually enough. all of his affections are so normal that people probably wouldn’t realize ur both officially together unless that walked in on him teasing u and kissing ur cute face because he likes how flustered u get when he’s calling u cute. but honestly he probs likes having that amount of control over other ppl knowing: its ur guys’ privacy and hes happy to keep it secret.

jeonghan: also probably takes a hot sec before anyone realizing? like. hes also openly affectionate w everyone imo. ppl only realize when they actively notice u two flirting w one another and making heart eyes at each other. it’d probs slip out through a term of endearment or something over breakfast, but hannie could absolutely like... keep shit more secretive for a while.

seungcheol: wdym you two weren’t already dating. were y’all not already official. what da hell.

[jonathanssweatercollection]

JONATHAN!!! of course i've spent my time since finishing the season recently going through your blog, but just overall, i'd love to know what you thought about volume one?! especially the jonathan/byers of it all if you'd like to share!!!!!!! <3

sathana bestie hi !!!!!!!!! hope ur groovin <33

i typed a more lengthy response to this b4 nd tumblr just. nuked it so i’ll just say that while yes this season has numerous problems and bits that i’m not the biggest fan of (hello russia plot, hello stranger things’ patented oddly written bullying, hello stancybaitgate (no offence intended to my stancy mutuals lov y’all)) this season is a MAJOR step-up from s3. like a HUMONGOUS improvement tbh

highlights from the top of my head:

max’s storyline was done so much more respectfully than i was expecting and genuinely made me cry i love her so much

robin and nancy are soooooooo autistic and fruity this season it’s a blessing

murray and joyce being comedic besties (and making their storyline worthwhile)

eddie and steve are two different flavours of off the fucking walls and i love that for them

i love seeing el’s development as she grows up !!! i just wish that she didn’t get thrown into the deep end of high school

the gore effects this volume were simply chef’s fuckin kiss and greatly appealed to the deranged little horror fanatic in me

continuing on from that, vecna/henry creel was soooooooo creepy and cool i think he’s an awesome villain overall (and much better than some of the other human ones in the show 👀)

and finally. my boy. my bestest boy in the whole wide world. jonathan honeypie byers my fucking beloved. i’m glad that he had more of an introspective storyline than he had last season (and an unfair amount in s2 tbh) and we actually have scenes where he’s the primary focus (if only for a little while). i’m overjoyed he has argyle to be there for him, even if he’s a little misguided at times and doesn’t think things through, because jonathan needs and deserves ppl to be in his corner; he deserves a support system and ppl who care abt him. jonathan’s outfits have also slapped this season, loving all the fruity shirts he’s been wearing. and unpopular opinion maybe, but i also rly like his hair !!!! it’s like an overgrown shaggy version of his s1 hair which i appreciate immensely.

overall i wish that the cali storyline had more screentime (also more el too) in all honesty; i want more big brother byers moments!!!! also more joyce/family interactions, given that the s4 interactions between her and jonathan were limited and not super great. i’m also praying that the love triangle nonsense that’s been abruptly rehashed for s4 (which i’d thought we’d moved way past in season 3??? hello) doesnt shit all over his character development, same going for nancy and steve too; if we’re doing this then for the love of fuck please just give us stoncy. i know they won’t but like. please

rounding off tho, i don’t think that the og jonathan that likeminded jon stans prefer i.e the original characterisation of jonathan, from s1 (ya know: perceptive, responsible, sensitive, artistic, self-aware, passionate, ambitious, stalwart) would rly be very happy with this s4 variant. i’ve seen some ppl view some of his scenes where he’s high off his mind as kind of sad? and i can’t help but compare his lack of awareness and how uninvolved he seems (initially, that is) to how hands-on and “take charge” he used to be (i only put that in quotation marks bc i don’t think that phrase greatly applies to him the majority of the time, since he’s not rly your hopper-esque macho male protag). like when joyce asked him what was wrong with him when he was asking “what’s going on” and repeating the things told to him (processing brand new info under an already influenced mind ofc), that just keeps coming back to me as s1!jonathan asking the same thing to his current self ya know?? like idk if the two met i feel that s1!jonathan would be kind of disappointed in what’s happened to him, if not understanding of his s4!self’s circumstances and also kind of thankful that he’s not as on-edge. hm. much to think abt (or write a fanfiction about 👀)

anyways woah i don’t mean to natter on so much in this reply but i hope that, if it makes sense I mean, u like it or at least see where i’m coming from ?? it’s late <3

[moo-moo-meadows]

Unpopular opinion: cancelling by association.

Obviously this situation is often very nuanced and case by case but most of the time I think witch hunting a cc because they’ve collabed with someone you don’t like (not talking about known current racists homophobes (ice pos) etc) and making them apologize for the transgressions of other people is fucking brain dead. Like the tommy ksi thing. No one told you you have to like ksi or support him, but making tommy apologize for being transphobic (which he objectively wasn’t) was literally dumb as hell. Yelling at tommy isn’t going to do anything about ksi.

It’s just all so hypocritical cause they (mainly talking about twt) cherry-pick who to be mad at and who to excuse. Techno said some terrible things and he’s been reintroduced into the lore with like 0 pushback. Pokimane breathes in Karl’s direction and suddenly she’s trending pokimane neg

Idk it just irks me ig

Ps all these people are just examples and my opinions about each situation are very complex and not worth writing it all down here. That’s a different unpopular opinion ;)

yeah i understand that this is a very like, broad overaching opinion that includes a lot of examples that are definitely more nuanced than “one got shit for it and one didnt” and like for example with the tommyinnit thing being heavily misconstrued i believe, but like. ahh, gosh, this was a lot anon and i really would love to say my piece about it (yall arent ever gonna see me be this like,, vocal?? abt shit? ever? unless this unpopular opinions thing just keeps going which i dont mind that much). Putting it under a cut bc this is already a long enough post as-is /nm. 

send me your unpopular opinions!

overall i do strongly agree with you. it’s absolutely fucking stupid to cancel a content creator for associating with a certain content creator,, before cancelling that content creator themselves?? or, like you said, making them apologize for associating with that content creator and therefore “shouldering” whatever heinous act they commited. like, first of all, A. maybe the person didn’t know (Tommy & Karl, probably) or B. unfortunately, the world of content creation isn’t just so clear cut like that. Unfortunately, people are going to have to interact with people who they don’t like/dont necessarily support the ideals of, just because, that’s connections that is absolutely detrimental to one’s career if broken, you know? Like. No ones twisting their arm telling them to associate. But it’s not that easy to just let go of them. At the same time, if you preach one thing and you heavily associate with someone who openly and knowingly goes against that belief, that can also make you sound pretty fucking tonedeaf, man. 

But,, yeah. Twt has a tendency to cherry pick a lot. That’s a whole nother conversation, about how certain creators (typically the cishet white kind) get leeway on things that other creators (poc, women, woc especially, anyone who’s not cishet white) would get cancelled to the ground over for. It’s just.. god. A whole thing. Like. I’d love to talk about the whole thing with Andivmg, which is also a kind of nuanced example that I feel like deserves its own unpopular opinions ask like this but i feel like we’ve been too spicy this night as is. 

tldr: Being part of a large active fandom with a huge side on twitter and its cancel culture hellfire shithole is so damn exhausting. Why do y’all think I never use it and just chill around here?

[heartmeadows]

oooof sorry I haven’t been around again. under a read more cause I am mentioning trauma in general and y’all probably know (or not) that I have serious stuff going on so I’m not going into detail and if this is triggering just don’t read, you’re not missing out. it’s mostly an update on my well being and the case regarding the crimes I was a victim of. it IS triggering stuff but I’m not mentioning anything that has been done. I’m being as vague as I can. anyway if you don’t want to read about that I’ll just say that I will be posting sims content sporadically probably :) and you can ignore the rest of what I’m rambling about

I do play but I haven’t taken screens tbh and I’m too lazy to edit any previous ones lmao. I’m also dealing with a lot health issues (literally life threatening with the vein blocks lmao thanks AND I have pretty severe psoriasis now and I found out it’s an autoimmune disease so yay thanks trauma for making me even more ill) but I’m still trying to focus on having a positive mental state. journaling helps a lot, as does simming. it’s the lil things that carry me. I had another suicide attempt tbh but it wasn’t a severe overdose so.... I was just fucked up for days and didn’t go the ER bc I wasn’t dying this time and I’m a stubborn idiot bc I’ve been traumatised with the whole ICU trip being in a breathing machine and all that......... LIKE what is my life??? it’s been trauma since I was born so uhh yeah. I’m strong and I can get through anything and I’m definitely fucking going through the craziest fucking shit like what.... but I’m starting to feel so much better. like I’m me again.  despite feeling better I’m stressed out all the time as one is with C-PTSD and with the psoriasis stress has become even more... stressful holy shit. but I have to be strong. I’m on medications for most things. just need to get some help with the psooooooo. 

so anyway I have one more statement that I need to give to the cops and then the arrests and court stuff starts happenings and thankfully I don’t need to be involved in that. I’m finally out of the whole trauma bonding I had and I’m sober nowadays so I have better and clearer recollection of things and I found out some info on my own a while ago because uhh I guess a lot of people are connected in this shit. so uhh yeah. I’m scared bc it’s gonna be triggering to talk about it all and writing it but mum’s gonna help me with it and I just need to send it as an email probably. the cops and my lawyer are being so understanding despite wanting to move this thing forward as fast as possible. I found out one of the cops working on my case has a brain tumor which is awful but she told my mom that she doesn’t even want to go the surgery before this thing moves forward bc there’s a lot of people they have evidence against now and they’re dying to get the fuckers. literally. I didn’t think this would happen so I’m pleasantly shocked, if you can say that. I hope none of those fuckers read this, idk if they follow my social media. but it’s not like they can do anything anyway cause they’d just prove that they’re still dangerous criminals if they did anything more. sooooooo. it seems justice will actually be served like oh my god. I can’t tell you how much of a relief even the thought of it is. anyway I didn’t mean to ramble about that but I suppose I needed to let it out. I won’t be mentioning any details anymore about what was done like I said so you can read back to my previous post(s) that mention what happened if I haven’t deleted them. but yeah. that’s that. thank you for reading if you have. and thank you for everyone who has replied or messages me with your support. it DOES mean the world to me <3 and I’m sorry I haven’t replied. these days I avoid social interaction for the most part because I need my space even with the people I love. so even if I don’t reply back I do honestly appreciate all of your support and I hope you know that <3

[alias-b]

OKAY. So, I wasn’t gonna dignify this with an answer, but I’m feeling super good and starting my vacation and have few things to lose tbh. I blocked you, but you’ll find a way back if you feel this is really worth it.

You certainly found it worth it enough to slap that anon button to insult me and dress it up as idk ?? being helpful & even kind in your mind?? If you followed my fics, you know the nasty msgs I get monthly so why would I take a personal jab as from a good place? Why would anyone mean to act “holier than thou” ???? Telling me you’re not coming from a bad place....yet you still went anon bc you knew how this read. Hm. Anyways....to answer, I’ll just unpack this neatly:::

1) ???? When did I say ANY of that even in a talk down/negative context??? lmao I even searched my asks trying to find myself being this rude. Slide into my DMs and let me know bc from my POV, you’re blatantly misreading something or making it up?? I’m confused and of course, I’d never want to come across any kind of way like that! If I ever mention young ppl, I mean actual teenagers in fandom spaces that adults get nasty interacting with. Ppl in their 20s/30s+ really need to be mindful about interacting with ppl under 18 and attacking them or being creepy and inappropriate with them/their content. Don’t twist my words.

Ppl who write thin OCs still get hate on their fics lmao, I did. But they don’t get constant hate generally based on their size or race. ((Also like...we’re all aware of fatphobia & racism in fandom and what types of OCs/characters are targets for that...esp if they’re being paired with favs... Writers of color are absolutely also allowed their frustrations with racism in fandom spaces btw too. Do not talk over them. Just listen and be aware. Do your best.))

2) I absolutely DO NOT think I’m better or “more moral/braver” than any other writer on here wtf, I consider myself even “still young” and learning... I’m in my 20s, I’m not a fandom gma trying to police anyone??? As long as you’re living your best life, surrounded by the best content YOU want, go tf off, sis!!! We’re all in a pandemic here trying to get by.

Writing is always a growing process and we’re doing it for free, it’s not perfect and always is a skill that gets better as we do it. I try not to compare myself to others, my fics are mine and that’s IT. I’m allowed to be proud of what I’ve created and I encourage all writers to do the same. A lot of writers are happy and patting themselves on the back for what they created but I’m NOT taking digs or doing it cause I think I’m some brave crusader on a mission. I’m too tired for that bull. I don’t get/want cool points for anything. Have you sent these concerns to any one else for doing the same??? Or are you irked I’m trying to uplift MY fat character?? That I get constant hate for??? More reflection for you.

3) I’ve been incredibly supportive of OCs of all shapes and sizes. I’ve gotten asks shading thin/white “model” ocs and only ever preached patience and support to all oc writers bc it’s never right to bring someone down to lift someone else up. It’s never right to shame a writer not hurting anyone. All OCs are good OCs. That’s the point I always make!! Writing is hard. Finding face claims is hard. Making whole ass humans for a fictional world is hard. So, I’m constantly posting/replying to be open and understanding with writers, whatever they do. It’s their fic. Their characters. Their choices. All OCs are valid.

No one is obligated to make a specific type of OC, just make the OCs you want to see. I don’t think it’s right to hate or shade ANY writer/OC and I make it clear in asks that try to suggest otherwise. Maybe go reread them before slapping that brave anon button again to come from ‘a good place.’

4) Evie is ONE of FIVE OCs I’ve written on this account. And the only plus size OC of them too so IDK why I’d ever act ‘holier than thou’ about a SINGLE OC when the numbers are 1 of 5 here... I’m not gifting the fandom the gift of me, I’m just writing content I enjoy. I’m gifting it to my damn self. There’s no crusade. There’s no BIG STATEMENT UWU. She’s not some political piece, y’all can be so dehumanizing with that toward fat characters or characters of color. Just let them exist proudly. If you don’t like it maybe they’re really not for you!

Evie’s literally just a character I created that I adore. Fat characters exist and they can be whatever we writers want. If people feel represented by her, I think that’s amazing and I so so appreciate when I’m told. It’s a special thing to see yourself represented when you never do in fandom or mainstream spaces!! She represents parts of me too that I’m still learning to love. But if not, I’m sure she’s still relatable. She has a whole personality beyond being a plus size girl bc being fat is not her defining trait. We absolutely should encourage more positive diversity in fandom, esp in main characters. Everyone of all sizes writing about what they look like is awesome! We agree on that point!

5) Evie is one of five ocs. Again. I’ve gotten hate messages and passive aggressive comments for all three of my big fics. Evie has ONLY EVER gotten hate for her size and race. She’s gotten a LOT.  ((sometimes her eating disorder, but that’s another issue)) And yeah, it doesn’t shock me. It’s too transparent. People who relate to her don’t deserve that shame either.

I hadn’t even started posting the actual fic before I got my first hate msg about her being an “oc reach bc billy hates fat chicks” whatever. So I think I’m allowed to defend and stan her that much harder and her role in this fic. I think I’m allowed to gush about how much I love her story against all the disgusting hate she gets. I’m not apologizing for that. Me loving Evie super hard has nothing to do with anyone else’s OC. It’s not a mission. It’s not a dig. She’s mine.

**So no, anon, I don’t think I’m doing any big, in your face, public service with my ONE plus size oc. I don’t think I’m better. I think I’m just creating content for myself to enjoy. If others enjoy it too, awesome!! If not, they’ll find something else to enjoy. It’s a big space with lots of amazing writers, I can even direct you to a few!!! I’m happy to do that!! ****If I really had an issue with white or skinny ocs....I wouldn’t be writing them myself which I DO. I wouldn’t be supporting my fellow writers who also write them!!

So you’ll excuse me if I don’t believe that you actually support Evie or me or my fics. All this message served to do was dwindle an author’s excitement for her OC and accomplishments. And you didn’t do that. I’ll try even harder to support fellow writers around me tho!! ^_^

If this is a big misunderstanding bc you misreading asks that I’ve gotten or you misread my tone or remarks anywhere, that’s really not my issue either. IDK, maybe I’m popping off too much too, but this accusation is truly mean-spirited. I know things don’t always translate over the internet well, but I’ve been openly loving and supportive to fellow friends and authors despite anything that’s been said. Even through laundry lists of passive aggressive and hateful messages about my stories since my first fic took off. I’ve seen friends get hate too and I can’t stand that they have to deal with that. They SHOULD be proud of their works always.

I know I don’t deserve them and I know I don’t deserve this either. I know who I am at the end of the day and I know what I put into the world and I know that my fics are mine first. I know my truth and I hope you know yours behind that anon button.

So, thank you for your concerns but please drop them somewhere else and have a wonderful day enjoying the free content we put out. Support your favorite writers and encourage all writers to keep doing what they love and getting better at it! Thanks!!! xoxo :)))

[juiceboxboyy]

damn I need to complain rn but I’ll put it under a cut y’all don’t need to see that , Obv do/nt reb/log I’ll launch missiles at ur home if u do <3

bro I literally hate being shy it’s such a small thing to complain about but it’s making me lose my mind I just. Cant talk to anyone ever. and sure maybe it’s all the Mental Issues at work here but I think I’m just like this! Fucked up little brain!! Like to me it seems like ppl make friends so easily and that’s probably not true but it feels like it,, like did I miss something was I absent the day they had How To Have A Human Conversation 101 in school and no one told me ,, what’s wrong with me. Isn’t it supposed to be easier to make friends online and like talk to ppl why is it the fucking opposite for me there are so many amazing ppl in the world and I guess I don’t get to talk and make friends with any of them ever!!! Bcuz fuck!! It’s actual agony AND AND I can’t even talk TO the friends I already have I can’t talk to my beautiful amazing friends who I love bc my brain shuts down SHIT I’m so grrrrrrr bark endiñjsjejeneffff SCREAMING AND YELLING OH SO LOUD I WANT TO KEEP THE FEIDNS I HAVE I WAKT TO MAKE NEW FIRNDS I WANT TO HACE CONVERSATIONS I WJSR HHHMMMNNBMNBN I AM THE BEARER OF THE CURSE (SHY????????? and tbh part of me thinks it’s my perfectionism holding me back sometimes like it’s easy to talk to customer service workers bc I know the script! Easy! Talk to... stranger??? Well idk how to do that so don’t even bother I guesssss??!! ITS SO FUCKED what evil part of me is trying to have perfect conversations w REAL PPL THYS not how talking works!!! It can’t be perfect idiot!! Perfection is an illusion how many times do we need to have this talk.. perfect = FAKE ITS FAKE perfection will always be an unobtainable standard no one can be perfect. it should be easy to understand but here we are!!! speed run category social interaction any% glitchless in bounds , can I not just share my love w others is that such a high demand must i jump thru so many Hoops?????

[ellagracehargreeves]

“The Spark” Music Playlist.

Here’s the Playlist on Youtube! The songs are also individually linked below!

I don’t have spotify or any of the other music things because I don’t listen to much music and I am BROKE! 

(PLEASE GOD DON’T MAKE FUN OF MY VIDEOS IF YOU LOOK, I WAS A SMOL DUMBASS CHILD I SWEAR I’M LESS CRINGY NOW OK, I PROMISE.)

Love y’all. And I love these songs, Here’s why:

Lean on me - Bill Withers : Ella’s lullaby. Vanya started singing it to her around the age of 1 when she heard it on the radio at the 7/11 while she was trying to calm a fussy Ella. She began singing along with the song as a last ditch attempt, and it surprisingly worked like a charm. Ever since then, Cara and Vanya, mostly Vanya, sing it to Ella sometimes at bedtime, substituting the words with “Mother” and “daughter” when needed. It always calms Ella down.

Hazy Shade of Winter - Gerard Way (feat. Ray Toro) : …. Duh. Plus this gets me hype for Ella being powerful and happily violent and just being a part of the Hargreeves clusterfuck. ….This just slaps.

Cold Blooded - Khalid (slowed) : So this doesn’t fit entirely, but basically to me this feels like what Vanya feels when she’s empty, sad, and just blank, but then she sees her daughter being happy. It doesn’t erase the deep sadness within her, but it strengthens the resolve that she has. She will give everything she has for her daughter, just to make sure she’s warm and happy. Also this song makes me think of Ella forcibly cuddling Vanya on the couch when she is having a bad day.

(Slowed Down) Elastic Heart - Sia : Just…. V a n y a.

Dancing with your Ghost- Sasha Sloan : This song makes me think of Vanya and Ella and Cara, being happy and dancing together and making memories, but at the same time Vanya struggles with her guilt involving her siblings. She can see them sometimes within her girl, she can see them as she makes the memories. She feels like she doesn’t deserve to be happy, because she never has. She struggles with that feeling when she feels so happy her heart could burst. This song also makes me think of the relationship between Cara and Vanya, it just makes me think of Vanya trying not to cry over something but then Cara pulls her head down to her lap and runs her fingers gently through her hair and Vanya can finally let it out and it’s peaceful and happy.

(Slowed down) I found - Amber Run : Vanya…… If the commission wins.

(Her mouth is open in a silent scream as she cradles the small body towards her, this can’t be happening, no no no nonononono not her baby-

Why aren’t they helping her- Please, she’s hurt, can’t you see-?- She can’t tell the difference between her tears and those of the heavens, between the tears on her face and the blood on her hands-)

(She is no longer herself, she is a steadily growing drum-beat of pure pain and grief and power and she is not thinking but the very earth shall pay for the blood that has spilled, HER FLESH AND BLOOD-)

Somebody That I Used To Know (slowed down) - Gotye (ft. Kimbra) : The Hargreeves siblings and Vanya, after her betrayal is revealed. They feel like they should’ve been told about Ella, even if they weren’t close to Vanya at all, which is valid. But Vanya remembers them as being cold and shitty to her and tbh she’s only telling them for Ella’s sake. Plus this song is just melodramatic and I feel like it would fit the Hargreeves in any situation. Like, I can see Klaus or Diego stubbing their toe and then having this song playing in their head. They’re all extra as hell and this song works for any betrayal.

( slowed down ) lovely - Billie Eilish (ft. Khalid) : This is honestly one of my favorite songs, especially slowed down. I just listen to it while writing because it’s beautiful. But it also kinda reminds me of Vanya and her glass wall, constantly struggling with the feeling of being trapped and being stuck within her childhood abuse. She fights against it for Ella, her beautiful Ella, who gives her hope no matter how trapped she feels. This song is just a sad bop tho. Good shit.

Night Bus (Slowed) - Gabrielle Aplin : A happier sounding bop, but still slow and chill. I know it’s about lovers, but we ain't gonna take it that way okay. 

“I’m on my way home to you for the last time” obviously doesn’t fit, because Vanya wouldn’t leave her daughter alone, ever, but this song kinda makes me think of Vanya gradually letting Ella go and letting her be her own person. Like, she’s still her mom, and this song also makes me think of the love between them. It makes me imagine Vanya watching Ella play in the park, or maybe watching her interact with the other girls at Gym, and thinking to herself “She’s got this. She’ll be okay. I don’t have to stay so close, she’ll still come back to me in the end even if I let her go.” 

Also, this song is calming but happy, instead of most of these which are calming and sad. I needed a happier song, one that made me think of hugs and playing outside and having snowball fights and happy squeals and playing tag with wide involuntary smiles and flushed cheeks. In short: ‘Tis a bop. A happy bop. Happy times.

revenge (slowed & reverb) - xxxTentacion : Makes me think of Vanya, disillusioned, believing that her siblings have known about her powers this entire time. Makes me think about her thirst for revenge, to make them feel the soul-deep infraction against her. Makes me think of Vanya being torn between keeping her daughter safe, keeping her terrified daughter comforted, and her revenge. Torn between holding the one she loves most and punishing those who were supposed to love her. It makes me think of agonizing indecision.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I don’t know if this scenario will happen in the fic! I’m not sure how things will go down, and how Vanya will find out and react to her powers. I’m making this shit up as I go! But this song made me think, “What if?”

Dollar For Your Sadness - Unlike Pluto : (They hurt her daughter, her world, her Ella, She will DESTROY them, ALL OF THEM-)

JOLT - Unlike Pluto : The lyrics perfectly describe Vanya’s eternally growing resentment, her struggle of trying to forget her childhood, her trauma, her siblings, while raising her daughter. Trying to leave the past behind so she can move on with her Ella and Cara, her real family. They’re all she has now. Aren’t they?

(Also, Jolt. Electricity. Sparks. Heh heh heh. I’m so clever.)

Villain of My Own Story - Unlike Pluto : I’m unsure of this one, not sure if it fits. Vanya getting fed up with her siblings’ muttered remarks and snide comments? (*unconvincing cough* Diego and possibly Luther) Her just going “yknow what fuck all y’all you can suck a cattapilla dick” and being angery and pissed off? Tbh I just put this song in here because I discovered Unlike Pluto yesterday and went feral. 

Maybe Vanya during the explanation, or her when she snapped at Diego? (The first time) or maybe it’s just her feeling so put down and invalidated and such a failure that she just goes “fuck this.” Vanya when Ella got bullied? It makes me think of the moments where she’s ticked off and her powers show up but just barely bc she eventually calms herself.

It makes me envision a young girl, possibly Vanya, idk, in tattered, dirty clothes, running down an alleyway in slow motion, and all I can see is the back of her hair flowing in the wind as she runs, the bottoms of her feet as she takes another step. I can see her checking behind her to see if she’s being followed, her hair whipping on her face so she can hardly see. It makes me think of frustrated anger, just an overall feeling of “FUCK THIS SHIT.”

Whatever. I listen to it when I write. It’s in the playlist.

Stay and Decay - Unlike Pluto : (Cartoon masks and gunshots. Flashing lights, ears covered tight, eyes squeezed shut, tears staining her cheeks, fear-)

(Mommy? Mommy! Mommy, no, nonono-) 

(There’s dark blood staining her small, small hands- they hurt Mommy, they hurt her, she’ll hurt them- Mommy’s blood dripping- spilling, flowing- onto the wood floor and why won’t it stop-)

(-MommyMommyMommy- Please Mommy, I’m scared-!)

(She’s running after them, her feet hitting the ground, her mother’s blood splattering behind her, Mommy yelling garbled, broken protests- ringing ears, pounding heart, eyes sparking green, r a g e- )

(-she’ll get them, she’ll hurt them, she has to, THEY HURT HER MOTHER-)

Rocky Mountain High - John Denver : :) this is Cara’s favorite song, and my mother likes it as well :) Cara hums it a lot, and sometimes she sings it to Ella. Vanya’s not approving of it, because the song is about WEED, but she doesn’t do anything to stop it. Cara finds the hidden meaning hilarious when she sings it to the child.

everything i wanted (slowed + reverb) - Billie Eilish : Vanya has everything she needs, but she’s still drowning inside herself. Vanya has everything, yet she still feels so so dead. But Cara holds her, smelling like forest leaves, and Ella smiles at her, looking like beautiful starlight, and they make it better. They will always make it better, and she loves them.

The Phoenix - Lindsey Sterling : Ella. Ella, dancing in the air. Ella, hugging her mother tightly. Ella, sweet, gentle Ella- bright as the sun itself, Ella, powerful Ella. Ella, her happy light infecting everyone she meets, Ella, her excitement emerging in response to every new thing she encounters. Beautiful, beautiful, chaotic Ella- adjusting reality with a twitch of her finger. Ella, summoning a tornado full of destructive everyday things with a single tantrum. Ethereal Ella, dancing and laughing and smiling and hugging and throwing and yanking and crushing and destroying Ella. Just… Ella. Loving, Obliterating Ella.

That’s all I have for now! I gotta admit, writing all that out kind of drained me. I might reblog this with additions as I add them, if you guys want! Thanks for checking out this glance inside my process.

[sarinataylor]

Rushing to ask about your French philosophy AU SO FAST spill the tea or rather it being French spill the coffee and house red

oh thank GOD

right ok first off read this

so. roger has just moved into a new flat. for context he is a FRAZZLED masters student. it’s first semester and he’s ta-ing like. three classes as well? he wants to DIE. he’s doing a masters in philosophy because.... of course he is, he knows, he hates himself too. but he fucking fell in love with philosophy in undergrad and his supervisor has been grooming him since his first year and now. here he is. seriously considering a phd. 

anyway so sometimes? sometimes philosophy just makes More Sense when you’re tripping okay, it just does. if you take notes? sometimes u wake up the next morning and realise you have New Insights that haven’t already been dissected to pieces

(his undergrad thesis was 1000000% written high like. almost all of it. he got a first. by a large margin. he’s still salty that the same technique doesn’t work with biology but whatever)

ANYWAY so he’s just chillin. tripping. and then he starts to get a lil para because this is a New Enclosed Space so he’s like right shit fuck i gotta leave im gonna go to the park all is good

anyway as he leaves his neighbour is letting himself into his flat and said neighbour (john) is like “oh, hi! i’m john. you must be the new move in!”

(john is working on social interaction with his therapist at the moment. she told him that he has to introduce himself to people and that waiting for people to introduce themselves while he gives off big Do Not Fuck With Me vibes is not conducive to the creating of lasting relationships. he’s trying.)

and roger who is tripping balls responds in french, because of course he does

and john? sweet john is like. oh oh i’m sorry i don’t speak french

so roger mumbles something vaguely french sounding under his breath and makes a run for it

and anyway he hangs out at the park, writes some insightful notes about philosophy in his notes on his phone and then heads back home where OF COURSE john is leaving his apartment again and greets him with a shy ‘bonjour’ to which roger replies with ‘au revoire’ and locks himself back into his apartment because he’s a high idiot

anyway the next morning roger is like. oh fuck. im a moron. 

and he has two options. firstly: he can come clean to his nice seeming neighbour, laugh off that no he’s actually not french he was just... off his nut. or secondly: he can pretend to be french 

and roger is a fucking idiot because he decides to go with the second option. it’s not as if he’s going to be running into this guy often, after all! they’re neighbours not roommates

except. john has been told by his therapist to be more outgoing. and instead of, idk, joining a club or a sportsteam to meet new people he has decided that the french guy next door is the Perfect Candidate. he is a) not going to understand half the shit john says and b) hot as fuck

so. john signs up for french classes. because, of course he does.

and he keeps???? running into roger???? and it’s fine at first because roger knows a bit of french? like he can read it passably but he can’t converse in it. his supervisor has been trying to get him to learn french for YEARS and he’s been refusing but he knows enough/can bullshit enough for the first couple of months but then he realises, to his horror, that john seems..... to be? getting better at french. he’s clearly actually learning french

and so roger. has to learn french. it’s been three months, it’s much too late for him to. come clean now, especially now that he has the world’s biggest fucking crush on this dude like. this is clearly the only option

(his tutor is dominique. she is living for the drama.)

and so the next like. 8 months? are just the two of them. learning french. john is learning french to converse with roger who is learning french at a slightly faster pace so that john doesnt realise he doesn’t know french while also pretending to slowly learn english to keep up the facade 

it all unravels almost a year to the day it began

john enrolls in an intro to philosophy class? as an elective? and who happens to be leading his tutorial class but roger?

(”roger” is, of course, pronounced fucking horrifically because roger just..... said his name with a fucking awful french accent that first time he said hi to john in the hallway and it stuck. he couldnt undo it. it’s..... it’s so bad.)

and roger, seeing john walk in, is like. oh fuck. like. again he has two options? he can a) just. out himself and speak in english or b) teach the entire class, of english speaking students, in french

he chooses the latter. 

he gets about five minutes in until a student he’s had in the past asks why the fuck he’s speaking french in a class about greek classical philosophy

john is clearly starting to catch on so roger has to give up the ghost

“and THAT is why you should all learn french. the french philosophical school is really so important--”

john just straight up opens his laptop, unenrolls, and walks out because... he feels like an idiot? this guy has clearly just been taking the piss out of him this whole time, probably laughing it up with his friends about how stupid he is. and it’s worse for the amount of effort john put in, like. it’s horrible and unfair, and he can’t believe that he ever thought someone like that would ever be interested in him in the first place, even just as a friend. he’s so stupid

and roger is freaking out because fuck fuck fuck fuck he really fucking likes john and he’s an idiot 

(john’s therapist is mostly just confused at this point like. it seems unlikely that someone would have put in the time and effort to prank him in this elaborate manner but john’s like NOPE THIS IS PROOF THAT EVERYONE HATES ME ON SIGHT I CAN NEVER INTERACT WITH ANYONE AGAIN)

and so. john avoids the HELL out of roger who after a couple of weeks of trying to catch him just. gives up? bc yeah, he wouldn’t wanna talk to him either he’s clearly a weirdo. he doesn’t wanna be a stalking weirdo too.

anyway one day john opens his door to find some random (freddie) passed out on roger’s doorstep? bc roger went out the night before, as did freddie, but they did not coordinate their nights out and as such have ended up closer to one another’s apartments and decided to crash with one another except. neither is home. 

and freddie wakes up when john opens his door, sees him, and screeches

and john’s like. ok im gonna go goodbye

but freddie is like!!!!! oh my god oh my god you’re john

and john puts two and two together (strange man at roger’s doorstep? probably knows roger) and is like fuck. ok like yeah y’all had ur laughs i’m an idiot lets move on now i have to go

and freddie is???? you’re an idiot???? roger learned french because he had a crush on you and didn’t know how to tell you he wasn’t french after he got so high he started speaking a language he doesn’t know

and john’s like right yeah whatever

but freddie is!!!!! you’re a legend. an actual Legend you don’t even know. everyone knows about you, they’re going to freak when they find out i met you!!!! roger wouldn’t let anyone around for a year in case we gave him away!!!!! i can’t believe this oh my god, will you take a selfie with me??? like we all stalked you on fb obviously but it’s not the same as meeting u in person y’know??

and john is like. uh. no i dont know. ive never stalked anyone on facebook which has freddie like yeah. obviously. if you had you’d have rumbled roger much earlier 

and john’s like ok thanks for the reminder im an idiot. didn’t need it, but thanks

but freddie’s like dude i just think so highly of you??? i mean you just thought the blonde hottie across the hall was french and went for it y’know????? i’ve never learnt another language for a dick appointment but i appreciate craftsmanship when i see it and believe me when i say you, sir, are a god amongst men

can i shake your hand?

(brian, confused at the pub the week after the first incident: okay but. you know greek? why didn’t you just..... speak greek?roger: I DON’T KNOW BRIAN I WAS OFF MY FUCKING NUT OKAY?)

and anyway

roger’s thesis actually ends up being on 19th century french philosophy because. he knows french now

his dedication page reads[in english] to my supervisor, who i would not learn french for[in french] and john, for who i did not have to learn french for, but did anyway

[withoutcomedy]

❊ I want to roleplay with you 

((Aww I mean, I’m totally down for that. I’m always up for new roleplaying partners, though I might not be the fastest - just to warn you beforehand. I’ve tried to work on my speed recently but still. >.<))

✸ I want to plot with you 

((That’s great because I love plotting! Just jump into my ims or I just jump into your’s. :’) My plotting game hasn’t been that good recently though. I’m sorry :( ))

❋ Your blog is one of my favs 

((Thank you!!! That makes me very happy to hear. <3))

✦ I like seeing you on my dash

((Thank you for that too. ; u ; I hope I don’t annoy you with all of my ooc posts, though.))

@the-lost-adventurer-plum

((I mean I want to roleplay with you too!! Like very badly? :( I miss these two... I want to do something more long-term, too. Something that develops their relationship. And adds some fluff and delicious drama :’) I’m pretty sure we have something open already but if you want to I can write a new starter for you. Maybe we can plot, too, if you are interested in that.)) 

@burmecias-protector

❊ I want to roleplay with you 

((Same here!! I’m glad that you had the courage to jump into my inbox. I love your characters and world-building, even though, so far I only know Thalessa. She is great, though!))

✸ I want to plot with you 

((SAME!! Though right now, I kind of really enjoy how natural their relationship is developing. I wouldn’t want to interfere with their natural interactions too much. I will tell you though... I might have secret plans. :’) Maybe. Depends on how they will develop~))

✤ I want to ship with you

((Well.. you know. You should feel super honored because with those two, so far, I could actually see it happen? But it would be a slow burn and yeah. :V They have great chemistry though!!))   

✥ I have roleplayed with you and it was great

((I agree. Our roleplays are definitely among the ones I enjoy the most right now. I don’t have that many to begin with but I love Thalessa, Sans and even Papyrus interactions so far!!))  

✢ I like your characters 

((Same goes back to you. <33))

✣ I like the way you express your muse(s) 

((And once again, same! <3 The musings you reblog really fit her character and make you feel for her.))

✦ I like seeing you on my dash 

((Same, I always get excited when I see your stuff, tbh. ^^; ))

✪ You seem like a cool person 

((... I’m not though. I’m kind of an asshole tbh. But thank you!))

❇ I love the way you write 

((; /// ; Thanks that helps. I really hate my recent writing. It’s nowhere as good as I used to be... so hearing that someone still enjoys it makes me happy. The same goes back to you, by the way. I do love your writing a lot!))

* I want to learn to know you

((Heheh. Same with you. But I’m really not that interesting. Mostly a disappointment when you get to know me better.))

@devotionoftheocean @syzygyofmuses

((Oh deer, since I am too lazy to copy all of these to make them quotable, I’ll just answer in one big chunk of text. My favorite thing to do. 

Anyway, thank you I loved roleplaying with you too! We did only a really short roleplay but it was fun and I totally want to do more sutff with your muses (as you already know anyway). 

I’m curious what it is that you are shipping though?? Our crack ship? :’D Tbh I kinda wanted to see where it goes. It was fun. 

And yeah I wish our characters were friends though, but my Sans is super picky who he considers his close friends so it really depends if they will click or not. Though I have a feeling they would, depending on which character we are talking about right now. :0 

Thank you, I like your muses too! I kinda even like them a bit better because they are either very creative depictions of Canon characters or complete OCs and I admire everyone who can do that. Personally, I can’t and yeah. I think I have told you these things before, too, but you know, complimenting too much (if it is honest) never hurt. :) 

And I’m glad you like the way I express the boi. I assume you mean my musings? Or just my shit posts ahaha XD.I like your stuff too. 

Hmm. Tbh I can see why you think he is underdeveloped. I stick to canon a lot and try to be very close to it, which kind of always limits some things I can do. However, I also would argue that I kind of know sans almost... too well??? And thus my development has kind of faltered a lot recently. In the beginning I wrote way more headcanons about things and now its just too obvious to me. xD Might sound weird but I can just go into “sans mode” and don’t need to think about it at all anymore. 

Either way, I would like to develop him more, but I also want to do it slow burn. So if a thread I have leads to character development, he will get that (for this thread, since my blog isn’t one verse). But for this I need some deep character interactions... and developmental things to happen. :(

Aaah makes me glad you agree because I know how picky you are with Sans depictions ;U ; I will wear it as badge of honor!! 

And your blogs are ALL my favs, even the ones I don’t know the fandoms of. But I love skimming through your stuff and I just enjoy seeing you on my dash in general. Even OOC, because your OOC stuff is very great most of the time. ;3 

Well as I mentioned above, I don’t think I’m cool and I’m pretty much an asshole, but thank you very much! I think you are a cool person too!! 

And as I stated above already... thank you for having confidence in me and my writing and idk if you want ot get to know me more bc i am very boring. XD But I do want to talk to you more. Aaanyway

Thanks everyone for having sent in something!! I love y’all.))

@fiflmegirrp

[ashleyomidi]

So..

Today at work I had another opportunity to share what God is calling me to do in my life and my coworker gave me this wonderful idea to write a blog after I told her that He led me to book a one-way ticket to LA on my birthday. (S/O to Alison Shine 🤗)

But let’s backtrack a little.

A month ago -April 4th to be exact- is where I got to have more of a 1-on-1 convo on set with Noah Centineo since they had us standing right next to each other. Before this day, we had a few interactions on set but never did I get a chance to actually get to know him a bit.

Funny enough, I actually wanted to hate him after this day because I personally get to know people by asking them questions and he didn’t ask me ANYTHING back to do the same ☹️ I was so upset because I see everyone, no matter how big of a platform you have, as regular people. I refuse to be seen as less than just because of how many people know you 😭 like dang. Anyways, I just wish he saw me as a regular girl but I can’t blame him because if I was famous, I wouldn’t know if people genuinely cared about me either.

BUT THEN, I think the Lord did this- at home I was on YouTube and an interview of Noah popped up on my home page and I clicked “not interested” so it could leave my screen lol 💀 and it did, BUT THEN the audio played in the background somehow so I had no choice but to watch it 🙄😒.

It’s a good thing I did though because in the interview I learned that 1: he said as he gets more famous he needs to be more guarded (which I totally understand bc ppl be fake) 2: he would never date a fan, and 3: he said ppl wouldn’t talk to him if he wasn’t in movies.

So tryna be in his shoes and look at his POV, I understood why he acted the way he did with me even tho (idk if he felt the same) but I felt mad chemistry 😩 (the other background actors beside me said he kept looking at me when I was looking down as he was telling everyone riddles but who knows really 🤷🏾‍♀️).

If he was just a regular guy I would totally hit him up and ask him to chill w me 😭💔 (and y’all are probably like who wouldn’t 🙄😒 tru tho 😑) but ugh he’s everything I look for in a boy. He is SO humble (best trait in a human being ever btw ✨ but v rare), genuine, and wise (I get bored reAL QUICK if you don’t stimulate my mind haha 💀 my last 2 bfs were potheads so ya lol smh 🤦🏾‍♀️)

After watching several more of his interviews on YouTube, I was totally in love ahahaha 🙃🙂🙃🙂. Maaan . I was like Ash chill 🙄 you haven’t even had a real convo w this boy loolol.

During my quiet times with the Lord all I could think about was Noah. Which was very weird to me because I was in a season where it was just me and God and I was honestly so content with dying and not getting married bc I just couldn’t see myself with any guy. There was no one that I knew that could stimulate my mind nor loved God as much as I did. (Idk if Noah is saved and knows Jesus personally himself but he says he’s spiritual -idk what that means yet- and I love the fact that he makes sure he doesn’t conform to the rest of the immorality of this world. He keeps to himself by spending a lot of time alone, making sure he doesn’t change who he is- like society does and wants everyone else to do).

Everyday, Noah was constantly on my heart and consumed the majority of my mind. I just wanted one more day to get to know him or even ask him out 😭. Bc this was so unsual for me to have someone I barely knew to be on my mind, I did keep asking God if Noah was an idol and if I was no longer keeping Him first. But He led me to read Debi Pearl’s “Preparing to Be a Help Meet” and from that point on, I knew God was calling me to be Noah’s help meet.

In mid April, I assumed I was going to meet Noah on set again since God revealed to me that this was what He saw was right.. but no. Instead, it’s been almost a month and a half now since that day we interacted on set and I’ve been completely antsyYyy y’all 🙃. I’d say it’s been horrible but He’s been teaching me so so much. About myself, about people, life, and even potential obstacles I may face if He was calling me to be Noah’s wife especially at this young age. Like what.. thinking of marriage at 20 years old ?? Excuse me. That ain’t me .

Last Friday, on May 10th I booked a one-way ticket to LA for my birthday on May 26th and I don’t even know how to feel about it even though it’s always been my dream place to live and breathe 😭😩💕.

As of now, I have way too many concerns. 1) Noah had told me that they’d be here filming until probably mid May and it’s now May 15th and I still haven’t been called to set ever since April 4th- the last time I saw him. 2) I’ve been waiting to meet him again and ask him out on a date ever since then so why would I go to LA if I’m not going there to spend time with him 😭 3) I have yet to book accomodations because God did not tell me to do so.. I think He wants me to stay with Noah since He’s already calling us into marriage.. and 4) this means I have 11 more days to wait on God and watch Him orchestrate something so good that only His Hand can do. I’m SO scared yet excited at the same time 😭😭😭😩.

Updates coming soon 🌊

Made a new tumblr account today (May 15th) for this reason and I pray that more people come to Christ because of being witnesses of what the wonderful God is doing in my life. May You be given all the glory Father 😊💖 Amen.

P.S. i didn’t mean to reblog my own post idk how to undo it 💀

[asiryn]

my continued first impressions of KH3 (i’ve made it up to the beginning of Big Hero 6). spoilers beyond the cut

okay, i’m attempting to go vaguely in chronological order, so here’s some bullet points:

- in hindsight, i suppose that team darkside were using the toy story world to confirm that beings like replicas can actually have hearts, as apparently they want replicas on their team (to fill out their 13 darkness ranks?? idkkk, i have no idea who counts as an Official Darkness or not)

- woody went Off at young xehanort, which i appreciated. also, i noticed that yx seemed to be parroting a few lines from asod (the whole bit about how hearts begin in darkness and that it’s the heart’s true essence), which is curious to me. was yx already saying and believing that before he started time travelling, or is he picking that up directly from asod?

- it’s interesting to me that the conflict in the toy story world did not get resolved. the world is still split in two, and andy and the others are still missing. normally the disney world reaches some kind of conclusion when you complete it, but this didn’t. makes me curious if this is some kind of hint of events to come, or if it’s just...going to be left hanging. hmm.

- while it makes a bit of sense, i’m still kinda mad that, after you complete the world, rapunzel is no longer allowed to be part of your party. yeah, i get that her moveset revolved around her hair, but come on, just give her a frying pan and she can still kick ass! (also, i agree with donald’s statement, that she’s the strong one between her and flynn)

- this whole thing about the New Seven Hearts, and how the power of a princess of heart was apparently “passed on”.....it’s weird to me, and i don’t think it entirely gels with what we’ve been told about them in every other previous game. idk. also.....if rapunzel, anna, and elsa are 3 of the new ones, and presuming that kairi still counts....then who could possibly be the other 3? (also, if kairi is indeed still a POH....then why didn’t hers pass along with all of the others? and what does that mean for the others? did darkness suddenly appear in their hearts??)

- vanitas getting yeeted is the funniest thing that i’ve seen so far XDDD

- i also find it amusing that vanitas has so far been the most straightforward and honest person in this entire game (apart from maybe ienzo), and that he told sora more info in a single conversation than anyone else had in the entire series up to that point

- and i think that monster’s inc has been the best disney world incorporated into the plot so far, in that it makes perfect sense that vanitas was able to recover his strength in this world

- man, i am so glad that larxene is back, i missed her so much, and i’m loving every second that she’s on screen (also, in the conversation that she had with sora outside elsa’s newly constructed ice palace....she wasn’t actually wrong about anything she said)

- you know, all things considered, i’m not surprised that pretty much the entirety of “let it go” was put into the frozen world. (and i’m not really complaining, as i love the song and idina menzel’s singing XD)

- it was kinda a nice surprise that your disney party member in the frozen world was marshmallow, and it kinda made sense, but i’m still a bit salty that anna and elsa weren’t ever your party members

- the moment when sora was listening to anna talk about her relationship problems with elsa, and he realized it was a lot alike what he went through with riku....ouch, that’s a dagger in my heart (....i am.....slightly wary of the greater implications of this parallel, especially when combined with a couple of other possible parallels being made, as i’m not looking forward to the potential double whammy of forced sokai and pulling a no homo on soriku....but if that is the intention, it’s been pretty subtle so far, so i guess i can only hope it stays on this level :/) (and on a related note, i’m not a fan of the fact that sora and riku have barely had any interactions at all, and that riku has hardly had any scenes in general, at least so far :///)

- man, the voice acting for most of the pirates world, and elizabeth in particular, was so bad and boring :///

- with demyx officially being a reserve member of “true org xiii”.....i give up on trying to keep track of who counts for a 13 darkness or not :///

- xemnas saying something about demyx, luxord, marly, and larxene having some kind of keyblade power.............??????????????

- asod, what girl are you talking about????? that ansem has hidden????? wtfffff

- aqua ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

- yessssssssssssssss, roxas, ven, and xion all have their own hearts!!!!!! so relieved

- you know, it’s so simply brilliant, to create replica bodies for roxas, xion, and namine to exist in; never thought of it myself, but i really should have

- i really wish that everyone would realize that, every time they start talking about saving aqua, and sora speaks up about wanting to be the one to do it....i wish they would realize that it’s really ven talking, and not sora. come on, y’all are now all aware that his heart’s inside sora ://

- still have no fucking clue what happened to terra :////

- according to luxord, the black box team darkside wants is filled with hope.....so does that mean that they want the pandora’s box that maleficent tossed aside? surely in that case, then xigbar already has it, bc he was watching them the whole time. and......i thought the black box in question was the one the master of masters gave to luxu?? is that box filled with “hope”?? idkkkkkkkkkk

- i’m so proud of hayner, pence, and olette, for managing to help ansem escape from asod

- as to vexeven.......idk if he’s lying or not to ansem, about wanting to atone...... >.>

[dokyungsu]

Who are some of ur favorite people here and why?

💘💘💘 HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL MY MUTUALS 💘💘💘 WROW REN LOVES YOU???? 💘💘💘 HELL YEA SHE DOES !!!!!💘💘💘

i had this in drafts for so long bc i wanted to post it on valentines like di cheesy person that i am so this is kind of like my version of sending u guys a love letter of some sort,,, flowers n chocolates all that… bc i obviously can’t send u guys flowers n chocolates irl 😣😣😣 anyways aasdjhakdkjh this is gonna be long so ima put a read more right here ♥

@zyxgf​ aka jackieMISS JACKIE!?!?!? uhm i say this all di time but she’s my baby girl 🤢🤢 she’s given me nothing but love n affection and laffs for di whole time we’ve been mutuals,,, 💗💓💕💖💞💗💓💕💖💞 she’s so funni n a relateable kween. giffing kween. kween of being cute… superior xingmi n exo m stan wrow… i’m always excited to see if she’s tagged me in stuff (laysoo) or if she’s messaged me or has made posts abt me or has sent me asks…. like she’s rly one of di reasons i love being here :((((( she’s so cute ohhhh my god..  also she sends me death threats abt yixing pls dw jackie i won’t steal ur man… i’ll steal U from ur man.. 😣😣😣 i’ll make him lose his balance n sweep u away 👀👀👀 i also lowkey wished we talked but ajsdbkjashdkj 

@exoistheuniverse aka ali (formerly sooweetlies a god-tier url wow)ALI IS THE SOFTEST MUTUAL EVER !!!!!!!! AND ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE KSOO-LS :(((( everytime i think of her i think about cotton candy and clouds and penguins and ksoo :((( … she’s so talented have y’ALL SEEN HER EDITS??? AND GIFS?? AND HER CUTE KSOO ICONS !!!! when will i ever… her voice is also di cutest… she always sends me love asks and asdhkas honestly how can i ask for more when she gives me di Most… pls i have a lot of love in my hort for her i always wish her the best n hope that she’s always happy 😣😣😣

@pcys-l aka rimi (formerly loeysoul i mean its true loey is in her soul)RIMI di LOve of my LIFE!!!!!! the first ever mutual i talked to because we both cried abt bruise 🤕🤕 meme queen, is Nasty in her tags abt pcy 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️ THINKS I’M UNLOYAL WHEN I’M NOT but she makes me happy n holds a special place in my hort.. I LOVE RIMI SO MUCH SHE DESORVS DI WHOLE WORLD SHE’S SO FUNNI AND HAVE MADE ME LAFF COUNTLESS OF TIMES AND I’m happy i got to be mutuals w u :(((

@yiffxing aka gabbyPREDDIEST FURRY QUEEN !! YIXING’S SEKSI SHEEP BACK-UP DANCERS R SHAKING !!! even tho we’ve only started talking uhhhh she’s rly di sweetest person ik 🤕🤕🤕 is trash for ksoo but i’ll let her off bc i luv her :\ the person who’ll date will b di luckiest bc uhhh she’s a whole package… fun fact: i was intimidated by gabby at first bc she was too beautiful n i thought i couldn’t b friends w her but 😣😣 I SEND HER LOVE MSGS EVERY CHANCE I GET💗💗💗💗💗💗

@kiungsoo aka livLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i haven’t seen her on my dash in a while bc she’s on q but i miss her :((( she a fellow twenty-four enthusiast so if u wanna slander miss twenty four u gotta go thru US !! 😤😤😤 she’s also another talented mutual :(( y’all seen her countdown bday posts for ksoo?? go check it out binch!!! go d i love liv 😩😩😩 i hope school and studying is going well for u i wish u all di best i love u 💗

@suhopps aka sunnie my SUNNIEshine (i’ve appointed u that nickname there’s lideralee no escape from it) we talked heaps before but everyone who’s… mutuals w me.. like basically everyone in this list knows i am The Worst at keeping convos 😰😰 but sunnie is so so so so sweet and soft and i love when i talk with you :((( we have so many things in common lmfao and she’s such a dramatic gay but i love it !! i always wish for your happiness and i believe that u can overcome any hardships you’re facing right now,,, i love u sunnie!!!! take care always 😙💘

@sophrosynes​ aka robertaI LOVE ROBERTA SO MUCH !!!!!!! I KNOW WE DON’T TALK BUT I HOPE U KNOW THAT I THINK ABT U AND HOPE THAT UR ALWAYS WELL :((( miss sophrosynes was my very first anon and honestly… she’s so thoughtful and considerate and nothing full of love and g od d dd she has a face to match her beautiful hort :(( thank u for sending me love always 💗💓💕💖💞 id die for u.. 

@kokobaekhyun aka jasmineY’ALL JASMINE’S A WILDT ONE Y’ALL SEEN HER TAGs??? when i thought no one can match rimi in being the Nastiest but.. ANYWAYS i love her either way 🤕🤕🤕 when she’s in soft mode it’s wholesome rly…. WE BONDED OVER MULLET!BBH BC IT’S GOD TIER AND WILL NEVER BE TOPPED anyways yea… love jas… she’s so funny n fun to talk to 😩💘 also if ur in a mood to talk about hard bbh she’S THE GIRL UR LOOKING FOR she’s always in the mood u won’t be disappointed KAJSHDjkas 

@my1ady aka arelyUHMMM NOT TO START BUT SHE’S MY BIGGEST FAN :(((((( WHEN SHE TAGS ME IN STUFF??? AND HER TAGS?? heart n*t :\ I LOVE HER SO MUCH THE LOVE SHE GIVES ME???? i don’t deserve… 😞😞😞 my anons asked abt her a lot lmfao idk why adkjahskj ONE OF MY FAVORITE XINGMIS HONESTLY!! HAS A GOD TIER URL WROW… my_lady_by_exo-m.mp3 amazing.. and uh loves my man so that’s a bonus… we share mans 🤕🤕🤕 love u arely.. 💗💗💗

@byunchen aka melqueen of making me want to d*e bc of soft n sweet bbh/exo imagines :(( also queen of making me want to KERMIT SUE OF SIDE BC OF THE NSFW BBH POSTS SHE MAKES I H*TE akjdhaskdjh SHE RLY BRINGS OUT THE BBH-L IN ME :\  ALSO MY FELLOW TRIPLE STAN??? VALID ! she’s full of nothing but love and AHHHHHHH I LOVE U MEL !!!!!!!! 💗💓💕💖💞

@exosvisual aka cindySHE ONE OF DI LOVELIEST XINGMIS IVE EVER MET PLEASE !!!! we cry about idol producer trainees together but mainly how hot and yixing distracting looks in all of di goddamn idol p episodes :\ I LOVE HER so much she’s rly so sweet and i’m rly glad i got to meet her :(( and also may i add that she’s… rly beautiful  😭😭😭 💗💓💕💖💞

@byunparks aka maddyMADDY WHO I BONDED WITH DURING THE 3 NIGHTS OF ELYXION !?!?!!?!!!! NEVER FUCKING FORGET !!!!! SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE I WAS TALKING AND UH we were both crying and truly losing our minds pls… i haven’t interacted with her much nowadays but she’s one of di best bbh-Ls i know n i love her… thank u for making me happy so i also wish for you happiness ily 🤧💖💖💖

@byunbread aka veraQUEEN VEWWA WHOMST I WUV SO MUCH :((((( not to b dramatic but she’s lideralee one of di best bbh blogs out there… (also random fact; she’s 179cm like… i’m so sorry baekhyun sweetie akshdakjsHDAAKJHDKJA) also uhhh queen of being di most beautiful ??? i’m not kidding :\ altho we’ve only interacted through posts and what not i rly love seeing her on my dash 🤧🤧🤧 i wish you di best for ur studies i wuv u vewwa 💕💕💕

@stanbaek aka ashleyASHLEY !!!!! A-SHE!!!-LY!!! uhm she’s is sososo sweet and her love for bbh is so so wholesome and beautiful and there’s A LOT of it :((( HER BBH BLOG CONTENT IS AMAZING AHH!!! we’ve talked a few times and she’s rly so sweet please.. 😞😞😞 honey i hope you know that you deserve to be happy 🤧🤧 i wish that you’ll always have strength when you experience days that are difficult to go through, i told u that i believe in u okay!!! i love you and i mean it 💞💞💞

@littlechefsoo aka courtneyONE OF MY FAVORTIE KSOO-LS AHH!!!!! i think courtney has been one of my oldest mutuals since i came on tumblr and she’s always been such a lovely person :(( her love for ksoo??? WHOLESOME…. i love it whenever she tags me in di tag games and even tho we’ve only interacted/talked a few times i love her 😣😣💗💗 also have y’all seen her ‘do it for him’ post and the pics were filled with suho’s tiddies from gayo daejun???? YEA MOOD. i love my fellow kyungmyeon-Ls 💖💖💖

@kyungsooslatinagf aka jossyJOSSY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!??!?! i love reading her tags when she reblogs from me pls kashdkahs also another one of my all-time favorite ksoo-Ls ♥♥♥ she’s one of di few people who came to check up on me during… a hard time so thank you for that :(( a fellow shawol-L and honestly miss jossy is beautiful my gosh 😩💘 we’re both tauruses so i think we have a lot in common lmao i wanna b able to interact n talk w u more miss jossy ily 🤧🤧💖💖

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 11: “Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one?” - Aimee

Amy A

Ben ☹️. I didn’t play too well with him and it was such a good blindside I couldn’t resist. I wish him well and I just have a feeling I’m next to go 

Olivia A

Okay umm we got Ben out but it turns out Kalle gave me a real idol? So I feel weird. The reason we began suspecting her of lying was because Hanuha people knew about Maddison’s safety without power advantage and Kalle was literally the only person who could’ve told them. IDK!!

Aimee

I’m just so tired of crying! Sarah tried to video chat and I just couldn’t. No one knew I don’t think that Ben and I were so close. Gaaaaah I’m gonna miss him so much! He just helped me so much to stay sane in this game. The last thing I need is anyone seeing me as a big hot mess. I can’t catch a break. 

Sarah

From two nights ago.... https://youtu.be/uebz8rVKNbg https://youtu.be/xQyiuiGeEpo

Pedro A

when i actually thought i was at the bottom........THERES EVEN A LOWER BOTTOM...THAT IM IN RIGHT NOW......chille ben screwed us BIG TIME....we were in a great spot..i dont even know what to say at this point

Sarah

Wow. Okay. I didn’t want to be a villain but here we are. I will post a video confessional soon but for now, the plan to vote out Ben actually worked. I called Maddison last minute and explained that Ben and Kalle were tight and were all over the place, playing both sides. Maddison found out that Kalle was a rat and was not being completely truthful and we both agreed on voting Kalle or Ben. We agreed on Ben because we thought Kalle was going to play her idol on herself.... turns out Ben was telling the truth in voting out Kalle to old Hanuha and Kalle actually gave Olivia a real idol. More to come... but for now I feel like a villain ahhh. 

Kalle N.

Well I said that my only goal was to make jury and not go to the FTC so it looks like Ben really helped me achieve that. THAT FOOL REALLY FUCKED ME OVER ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR. This is fine. I will never let him forget that I've beaten him twice now and that's all that matters. Did not see this tribal coming at all. Can't wait to get voted out next

Najwah

If I learned anything today is that we tend to read in and over think and make up scenarios in our head. Ben was actually on our side all along? Who would have thought. All the bits and pieces he told us today just didn't add up and Cody said he was different and everyone was just quiet and Ben didn't talk in the group, he spoke to people individually. I don't really understand what just happened but we wasted so much energy speculating lmao. And now where the hell do we go from here? Cody has become so paranoid also. The minute Ben told him that those people will be writing his name he became soooo paranoid wtf. Then he WASTED an advantage and idol at tribal? Just bc he still didn't trust the plan. I'm starting to think that Cody just can't trust anyone or any process. I really think he needs to chill more. Be more low key. Just try to be calm. If you get voted out, it's not like you're going to die or something. It's just a game after all. 

Aimee

Apparently tribe was getting too suspicious of how Ben and Kalle were so close. I still don’t get why I had to be left out of the vote though? Why can’t I get the respect to be told what is happening before the vote, so I have time to process my emotions and have my stuff together a little. https://immunityilol.tumblr.com/post/617448854807298048 Instead I get nothing. I get a call from Sarah right after Ben is voted out. Obviously I can’t answer it because I’m crying and no one knew I was super close to Ben. I’m just so angry right now first Grae now Ben! IS MADDISON NEXT!? FUCK! Like Gah I’m afraid to get close to anyone. But I just love getting to know people. I finally got to video chat with Maddison. Fucking loved it! She is great to talk to and great to have on this crazy skype isolation island. I need some interaction and realness right now. Ok I’m totally drinking. It’s hard enough to process all this nonsense sober. We will see what the next day brings. 

Aimee

Sarah I really don’t want us to end up like this Casanova music video. 😢💔 I guess everyone wants to blindside Aimee as a treat. I hope people got their jollies out of it. 🌟 Allie X - Casanova feat VÉRITÉ https://youtu.be/YpVunjboAWg

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Sarah

Day 21 https://youtu.be/aYiGStuSKDA

Pedro A

Im afraid Kalle will throw me under the bus...just to stay this week cause shes on the bottom....and im also afraid that maddison and olivia will try to convince kalle to vote me out...instead ....since they are coming for me ...GOSHHH..i hate my life...i need immunity...CAN I LIKE HAVE IT?

Pedro A

okay so im excited to see everyone's answers to this challenge...THIS WILL BE INTERESTING...it will reveal a lot of people real thoughts ..IM READY FOR TEAAAA YALL

Najwah

I enjoyed my day today. I think it's the first time I was fully in the real world in 22 days. I'm playing a reckless game right now. There are so many layers in this game but after last night's tribal and learning that Ben was being legit, I just feel bad. I love Cody but he's definitely a loose cannon and can't play low key. Which is definitely bad for my game. He and Sarah are trying to push me into getting Amy on our side, but our relationship just isn't like that. I don't want to make her feel used. I like her. I really like her a lot. I like Sarah too. And Cody. I want to be friends with all these people IRL lol so I don't want to play against them or lie to them. This game just gets harder every time someone gets voted off tbh but I'm at the point where I feel like "if my plan works, then great", "if it doesn't, then whatever. I get to chill on panderosa and get to sleep more and actually spend time with my family and friends who I've been avoiding since this started lmao" Also, I'd be able to work again. I haven't got much work done urgh. I don't know whether my super idol is real. I'm curious to see what tonight's challenge will reveal. I am not going in with any syrategy

Cody wants to go for Kalle and Pedro coz they voted for him? I don't know, I think that's kinda silly and I'm not about revenge. You have to think rationally. And we have made a few irrational choices of late because people read into things. I still wish Ben hadn't told Cody that everyone was voting for him. That's how so much of yesterday's shit started. I have been so tired since yesterday. Tired of the scheming and overthinking and being paranoid over nothing urgh. Aimee also wants to call me after the challenge. I'm kinda scared tbh. I had a dream last night that Aimee killed me lmao this game is haunting me and giving me nightmares. Honestly, I'd be okay if anyone left wins this game. Okay except Kalle. She's the only one I've not interacted with and she just seems dodge idk. Maybe I'm still thinking about Zack's stupid analysis on people. Anyways. 

Najwah

I'm happy for Maddison tbh. She deserved that. I just want to scream about Cody though? Why did Cody chop Aimee? Wtf. And that made Aimee chop Sarah before she chopped Amy or Maddison. I'm so confused. Ugh. 

Maddison

Apparently I don’t know much about this tribe. Yeet!

Pedro A

Villan of the season?....im honored...but bitter jury?...i didnt like that one..lol

Aimee

I chopped Pedro for Grae. 

I chopped Olivia and haha sorry I got so nervous on here that I just chopped the final chop, even though that was savage as hell... I called her a goat and then chopped her right out of the game. Oops hahahahaha. When I watch this challenge back I look like the C word with a capital C.... And that word isn’t “cartwheel.” I chopped Sarah for the Ben blindside. I chopped Amy for my mental health. I can’t lose Maddison! I’m so sick of being tortured that I truly am running out of fucks tbh. Just chop anyone, whatever. Why do I care...

Aimee

Ohhhh Najwah!!!! Don’t worry about not telling me about the vote or accidentally calling me a goat because you didn’t know the meaning. I think I would make a cute goat. https://nunyabizni.tumblr.com/post/615593098008035328 Love that you think I’m actually “the Greatest of All Time.” I adore you and our friendship 💖❤️💞 luv you girl!!! I know you’re truly being genuine unlike others. I’m waiting for this game to tip in our favor so we can run with it. https://youtu.be/TGwZ7MNtBFU This MV is dedicated towards Najwah after Cody swooped in and stole my final 2 with her. No hard feelings; I have my own stuff to sort out after my man Ben was voted out. I’m pretty confident you have a final 2 with Cody and I love that for you. 🧡💛💚 I’m happy y’all got together and are strong with Sarah. But here I am. Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one? Just not playing the game and grazing my grass over here like a “goat?” They really don’t know how close I was with Ben and they got stupid lucky on that one. I’m not as clueless as you all think... it’s in your best interest to reconsider. Also let’s not skip over the fact that Sarah and I both didn’t get an answer on touchy subjects for “who do you trust the most.” Yeah don’t think I didn’t peep that. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 Sarah didn’t put me and I didn’t put her. I put Maddison. Cody had 2 votes. Najwah and Sarah put him. I’m not dense. I guess Sarah is cool with being that 3rd wheel. Loving the fact that apparently no one has been seeing me reaching across the aisle for damn DAYS trying to play with Maddison.... oh honey, oh girl...oh no no ... that was just Ben right? Yeah. My final 2 with Ben is gone so I’m rogue and hoping I can get Maddison as far as possible with me. Also! Just letting you all know I’m not a damn chump. It’s SO OBVIOUS that Cody Najwah and Sarah have a fucking secret chat that they’ve been in since the beginning of all time, which included Zack. You’ve heard it here first folks. Oh and I’ve known this for at least a week or two. The tells are so blatant, but catch me pretending to have no idea. I’m not the goat that you think I am, but I would LOVE you to continue to think of me of a goat and forgettable. If you knew what I was doing I wouldn’t be allowed to get to the end. If I’m on any players radars then that means I am doing a bad job. So, I absolutely loved what this challenge revealed. I know way more than people think I know, but I am playing up the ditzy card hardcore. I would much rather prefer to be a stealthy sniper that people think is not playing. Give me a chance to explain my game in the final tribal and you might regret that. I have been doing all the same moves as Ben and same exact strategy.... he gets called a big threat and blindsided and yet here I am with identical strategy and totally left alone and tbh a little disrespected but that works to my advantage. Perception is not reality! This could be everyone’s biggest mistake and I honestly love it. I just want Kalle and Pedro out tbh. I got my big boobs and my positivity. I’m mind strong and I’m ready to get this. Your lady is never giving up. If you blindside me again it better be me that gets voted out. Otherwise you’re all in a world of fucking trouble... https://64.media.tumblr.com/0389c791f095d54973543b32d4414577/984582d2a107588c-89/s540x810/c10ec7b961de2fd3b693a886ea7385b04ed3d653.gifv

Najwah

I am still tired. LOL. Amy L still hasn't replied to me. I think she hates me right now and I burned the bridge with her, which I'm obviously sad about because it's the only bridge I really cared about? Like she's the only person who I was 100% sure about and we've always respected each others allegiance to their alliances. Anyway. What does it matter now? I'm going to let Cody and Sarah make a plan with this tribal scrambling. Oh Cody said the reason he chopped Aimees rope is because he didn't want her to win immunity again lmao so he rather chops someone in his own alliance wtf I can't get over that fatal mistake. That and playing the extra vote and idol😭😭 ugh and I think people assume I am his goat or something lmaooooo I absolutely adore Cody but I really hope he doesn't mess things up for himself. Sarah wants me to get coins for them to buy an immunity idol. Do I really want to waste 5 coins again on someone whose just going to get paranoid and play it? I don't know. I need to think on it. 

Aimee

Welp I finally told my first lie in this game and hopefully it’s not my demise. I guess it’s my turn to be messy. I’m still coping with Ben being gone. 💔😢😫 Why the nut, did I tell Pedro I want him here. It was definitely too much alcohol and worried if he had another idol I would be the throw vote. Welp we will see if he throws that info all over the island. https://64.media.tumblr.com/d9f98e355c7e9229777fa982551cfd7e/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do7_250.gifv https://64.media.tumblr.com/d37a2b6f76f83c1beaca2ca2bac6bb72/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do3_250.gifv I’ve made peace with it though. This lady ain’t stopping, but if this puts me in jury. I’m honestly excited! I’ll finally get to talk to James, Grae and Ben again! And that makes my heart warm. ♥️ 

Pedro A

I'm probably going home tonight....kinda done with this.....I'm exhausted and emotionally drained from this experience.. I just wanna chill...at the end of the day its either me or kalle....so may the odds be in my favor!!

Najwah

I'm nervous about this vote. Apparently Maddison and co are willing to work with us to get Kalle out. I don't know how legit it is but I'm tired tonight and I just think I should do an early vote before people change their minds. 

Amy A.

So we had the game yesterday and there was a question about ‘closest Ally’ and no one chose me. I’m not really bothered about everyone else except NAJWAH. She didn’t choose me! I was the only one who chose her cos her name came just ONCE. Whoever she ended up choosing as her closest ally didn’t even choose her. It’s made me real life sad because I trusted her so much. Honestly, I didn’t even think twice about putting her name down for closest ally. I haven’t even spoken to anyone about tonight’s vote. Idk who I’m voting for but I know it’s not her cos I promised her that. That’s the only reason. Maybe I’m the one going home. I don’t know. 

Maddison

Let’s hope for a straightforward vote tonight with no unforeseen twists!

Aimee

https://youtu.be/m4Z0RN_KhK0 A flow mobz - thrill over fear (feat. luna blake) Omg I couldn’t sleep last night and I just woke up being bitchy about Pedro. I don’t think he actually has anyone besides maybe Kalle. My walls are up and I just want this vote to work in my favor and be Kalle. I hope there are no hard feelings after this game. I just want to get to know everyone during all this covid madness and have some fun. 🌈

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 5 - “Finally Some Tea To Spill”- JG

I'M FUCKING ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The challenge made my laptop commit suicide. Thankfully we didn’t lose >.< now idk who’s on my tribe since there is too many names fksnidkdenf someone send help

Ohhhh boy, a tribe swap. This is 1) terrible 2) terrible 3) terrible Of course I’m happy I’m with Jared but it’s....gonna be tough. I’m hoping my previous relationships with the little Lazares will keep me safe but if Malabar vs. Lazare occurs I’m gonna have to take a side...Ugly. I just wanna make it to  merge. Ghost island is gonna be so crucial and if they send like.... Zach or Reuben....I’ll be thrilled because we can get out Alex. But if they send JG again, well fuck it all. I just wanna....get far. But this game is so difficult to do so, these tribal line shits keep messing everything up.

https://youtu.be/M2h87jBznnA

Holy shit okay so, we just swapped. There is a small feeling of disappointment because I know I could've gotten an original Lazare out had we went to tribal again. It'll be alright. I'm definitely in a better situation now. Last night I was in a pretty bad way over how Samantha went out of the game, but I was able to call a couple friends and they helped me feel better about the situation. I just hated how they had their minds set going into tribal and then it's like a movie scene where Isaac's rant changes Ashen's mind and then the others slowly follow. Anyways, Isaac apologized, and from like an objective perspective of course I have a better chance to win with Samantha in the game, but I also have a fresh start for whenever I meet Vilma. ---So, the swap.--- Roxy, Ruben, Zach - new people/Original Lazare - have been together the whole time. Alex - Original Lazare - spent just as much time with me, and I have a super solid bond with him. Regan - Original Malabar - was on my original tribe, and I have a close bond with her. JG - I have been with the whole time. Nicole - the most amazing lady on the planet. It's definitively a much better situation. I have interacted with a lot of these people. Hopefully I can make them regret ever letting Nicole and myself get on the same beach. The good thing is, JG and Regan kind of need us, unless JG decided to go the route of feeding the monster. Should they stick with us, which would be in their best interest, the 4 Original Lazare can't get the numbers without Nicole. There is a solid chance that we can convince them that I will just vote with them, since I voted out Drake. Of course I have no interest in doing that, since "we're" already down 10-6 in the numbers. Regardless of how one feels about voting based on tribal lines, there is wayyyy too much risk involved to continue to vote off OG Malabars. I feel like I'm in a powerful position right now. I know where the Legacy Advantage is, I have a close-ish relationship with JG and he alluded to having something from Ghost Island, and I have the SAPPHIRE IDOL!!! Like B I T C H ok!! So what the Sapphire Idol does- the castaways vote and afterwards a host will say "if anyone has a hidden immunity idol and would like to play it, now would be the time to do so." If the idol is played, the TWO highest vote counts will be nullified, regardless of who actually played the idol. If there is a tie for second most votes, all of those people become immune. There are a LOT of ways I could fuck this up. But there are also a lot of ways this could be game-breaking. It's good until F6 so I will be sure to use it in the most efficient way possible. -Trust Rankings- 1. Nicole with a bullet 2. Regan 3. JG 4. Alex 5. Roxy 6. Ruben 7. Zach

Why does Regan look like young Martha May from the Grinch movie with Jim Carey

I've realized my destiny... in this game... I AM Chris Jericho

this swap was interesting. 5-3? who knows what's gonna happen? all of my closest allies and most feared competitors being on the other tribe and I'll take all the middle of the road people on my tribe to make relationships with instead? I'll take it If you're reading this postgame and you were on the NuTakamaka tribe at any point, this is how I feel about you. Feel bad about yourself :)

(A LITTLE BIT LATER)

I trust Augusto the most, have a f2 with him and told him about my idol bc he's the man and if he fucks me over it's what I deserve from what he did in flops I really trust Dan I trust Vilma I have a lot of faith in Asya I like Ashen I find it hard to connect with Ricky Vi is inactive but when we talk it's kinda dope and normally pretty fun conversations. I want her to turn up her social game so she doesn't have to go home :) there's my swap assessment. thanks for coming to my ted talk

Y’all really got dinner and a show last tribal, huh! That tribal council was incredibly wild from start to finish and it made me realize a few things. For one, I completely contradicted myself with just about everything I’ve been saying so far in relation to Vilma/Samantha so that’s on me. A large part of why I wanted Samantha to stay in this game was because I think she’s amazing and a close ally and I wanted Vilma gone simply because she was a Lazare. Ironically, if I had kept Samantha it could’ve been another Bhutan situation where I tried to keep someone who benefitted myself more so than others but would’ve likely taken my place in the game eventually. I am here ultimately to fulfil my unfinished business and I genuinely believe that last round was the first step in doing so. I kept on saying that this game transcends tribal lines to people such as Nicole but I had no way of showing it, so this was my chance to do so. Did I make a mistake? Possibly, but again it is something I can grow from. Secondly, this vote really made me realize that my worries about Ashen are true and that Ashen is a gameplayer who will do just about anything to play the game. While I do get where Ashen was coming from with publicly saying that she wanted Samantha out, I do hope it shows others some not so positive things. The whole situation really made myself and Regan look somewhat stupid, so that should hopefully make Regan and I seem like better people to work with down the line. Also, this brought Regan and I even closer which is awesome since I was kinda iffy on how much she trusted me, so that’s cute! Since we did get rid of Samantha, it’s currently a 10-6 game and honestly, I’ve overcome even greater odds in the past so I’m prepared for just about anything.

(A LITTLE LATER)

Another swap, another opportunity to change my game. The swap did not really come as a shock to me, but I wish I was on Lazare with those amazing ladies since that tribe was super cute. The dynamic would’ve been interesting as I think Regan and I could’ve pulled in Nicole as Ashen likely won Vilma’s trust, but who knows maybe this swap was for the better! NuTakamaka is certainly interesting to say the least as now I get to meet Asya, Ricky, and Vi, I get to reunite with Dan, get to see Johnny again, and then stick with Ashen and Vilma from my old tribe. If we look at the numbers, it’s 4-3 (Lazare vs Malabar) and 3-3-2 (Takamaka vs. Lazare vs. Malabar) so who knows what could happen since what is shown on paper doesn’t really reflect reality. Small fun fact, now that I’m on Takamaka… I’ve been on all 3 tribes so yay for that, we love an aesthetic sister.

(AFTER COMING BACK BECAUSE HE FORGOT TO SAY SOMETHING)

This round really is interesting, not gonna lie! For starters, before the vote switching from Vilma to Samantha, both Regan and Ashen made a note to try and make a pact to get rid of Nicole and Jared since they are shady. I was also told that Jared is especially shady, which puts me in a Sticky Situation™ since I would consider Jared a super close ally of mine. I haven’t really been in the community enough to know the play styles of people like Jared, but it is a bit worrying when multiple people are saying he’s a shady character. It especially puts me in a weird spot because I can quickly see the merge becoming Jared/Nicole vs the World and I don’t really know where to stand in that. I do think I’ll be a bit more cautious about how I handle my relationship with Jared on the off chance that he is a super shady player and is playing me. As much as I would love a ride or die, the only person I can trust fully is myself. With the Samantha vote and now this, it makes me realize that I can’t and shouldn’t always try to do what’s best by other people and should benefit myself however I can. It’s not that crazy of a concept hgnfmd,s

(WAKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT)

At the beginning of the season, I said that my reunion with Johnny would be interesting and result in either a Clash of the Flops or the best collab since Mariah and Whitney. On the real though, I was totally expecting a Clash of the Flops but Johnny said fuck that and wanted to make a hit with me. Being honest, I do still have some doubts but an ally is an ally. Johnny and I talked a lot about our Flops experience and that this time should be different, different enough that he wanted to make a final 2 deal. Obviously I took it, but is that my plan? I’m not sure, I will do whatever is best for me to win this game and if that means that Johnny is out of the picture, then so be it. My elimination in Flops was a LARGE part of why I have unfinished business in the first place, so we’ll see. Johnny then proceeded to tell me that he found the Lazare Hidden Immunity Idol on like the first day and when I tell y’all I was SHOOK, I was SHOOK! I thought I was really doing something since on the Lazare Beach since I found a bridge to either a Shipwreck or a Unsearched Island, but I guess it didn’t lead to anything there. It’s awesome he shared that bit of information with me since it should make it so he trusts me with more as information is key in this game. Hopefully he helps ME find an idol so we can be twins since twinning is winning.

(AFTER WE BEGGED HIM TO STOP TALKING AND GIVE OTHERS A CHANCE)

Aside from a reunion with Johnny, I was able to reconnect to Dan who I was close to on OG Malabar! I’m super happy he made it out of that 5-1 situation and that we could work together, so yay for that! He also told me that he wanted to work with Johnny which was fine by me, but I made it seem that I was a bit apprehensive just to hide my alliance with Johnny so I hope that worked. I ran an idea by Dan of the Takamaka Tribe (Dan, Johnny, Vi) and the Lazare Tribe (Ashen, me, Vilma) teaming up again Ricky and Asya. Okay, I love Ricky but Asya and him are threatening in this game since they are really social. Aside from that, I got tea for Vilma that she suspects those two, Nicole, and Roxy of being an alliance which I can see as Nicole mentioned those three a lot. Dan seemed fine with the idea, which is nice. I later talked to Johnny and he obviously seemed a bit more cautious as he liked Asya and would’ve preferred Vi as a target, although he doesn’t mind Ricky leaving. In order to get him to like the idea more, I did expose the potential Ricky/Asya/Nicole/Roxy alliance which piqued his interest to say the least. I do hope that the idea to get rid of either Asya or Ricky can be realized since like… I don’t talk to Asya much and Ricky is a threat SO yeah, we’ll see!

(AFTER STEALING ONE OF OUR CAMERAS BECAUSE WE “DIDN’T CAPTURE EVERYTHING WE NEEDED TO”)

The challenge flop is here and queer! Tetris is seriously not my challenge and the fact that I did super shitty on it is not reassuring to a person that could potentially go home. That being said, Takamaka won anyway so I got my first reward win out of the way and my overall second challenge win! (Hopefully a third is in my future gjfdks) My tribe does look to be stacked in terms of challenge strength, which is good and bad for me since I should hopefully be on the winning tribe or we lose and I stick out like a sore thumb. Realistically, challenges have never been my strong suit which is why I kick up the charm to keep my seat at the tribe table. (UPDATE: TAKAMAKA WON AND I’M QUAKING GHJFKD<L)

https://youtu.be/_Y1Va_c9KBs

We won immunity bc of me dan and ricky wooooooooo also apparently zach had an alliance with everyone and that boy was HUSTLIN so he can GO!!!! Ricky said that he knew about this six person alliance that Zach was proposing to me alex nicole roxy ruben, but then I KNOW he made a smaller one without alex and nicole in it, so now we do have a chat of four, and I trust it........ MIGHT let him know what everyone has been saying, but I don't want him to scramble and then let it get back to it coming from me...... no no no The good thing about this challenge tonight is that it established a stronger relationship between Ricky and i, and it made Dan and I form a trio with Ricky. We'll see how this all goes down. I know Dan wanted to split up Ricky and Asya come next vote, but I also just don't know how things are going to go with this new development I kinda feel like my head has been in the clouds all game, especially pertaining to the original Lazare tribe bc there was clearly a lot more going on than I knew.. I gotta come back to earth a little bit uwu

Since Jeopardy ended I have been wide the fuck awake. I’m me popping off at Jared for no reason when I literally like him and was just stressed. I love that I can’t apologize hehe. I think people def saw me at my worst personality wise in that comp which sucks. The same thing happened in Mongolia. Like people on the other tribe thought I was an ass because sometimes I can be a little argumentative (hi hosts @synecdoche). But honestly being safe makes me feel SO good. I’m excited too because from working together so well, me, Ricky, and Johnny have really formed a bond which is great. Ricky is close with Asya which is good for us, and I feel like if we ever went to tribal in this tribe, the three of us would make it out unscathed. I really need to start being more social, my work life has just been super hectic lately, but hopefully that’s coming down :~)   I do think I carried my team a little bit in the Jeopardy challenge too which makes me nervous bc people might see me as a comp threat now. Like we’ve been knew that I’m good at comps (on occasion) but sometimes we don’t need to be reminded nah mean.

We lost! And from the sounds of it, not by very much. Luckily, we've got room to cut some people out. Jared is obviously tight with Nicole and they'll always be a target moving forward, so it would be nice to keep him in for a bit. People wanted Regan gone before, but if everyone wants Regan gone AND she is an asset in the challenges, I see no reason that we should let her go. Unfortunately, that leave JG who is having some family troubles right now. It would suck to get rid of someone going through troubles, but if he can't be involved and has to focus on family, then that is more important.

I’m getting a tattoo that says “Spheniscus mendiculus”

First time voting tonight. These people seem to be afraid of commitment. It makes me uneasy, but we've got to stick together. Alex seems more distant than usual.

I'm tellin y'all, being a mediator in an alliance of crackheads is tough, Nicole is a very smart cookie, and I'm very grateful for her help in this game but sometimes I feel like it could all crumble at any second. I am just buying time right now, I need more time to get my ducks in a row for the merge. I've put in a massive amount of leg work so that I will be covered from every angle. I'm really trying to use this sapphire idol as a last resort. I think the thing with me is, I play much better with control. When there is even a hint of uncertainty I just start to get paranoid. I think multiple times this game I've been able to keep that aspect of me under wraps (for the most part.) I just feel a lot better when I'm confident. Like I need a chat but I can't be the one who makes it. I need to guide people to the answer but I can't say it outright. I like a good lead from behind strategy, but I'm not really behind anyone. I just really need to grind this out until merge, and make it a full out war between Alex and Dan. I think in that situation I would side with Alex, but I need to get to that point. It would require for Alex to still be in the game, and for me to feel confidently enough in my rebuilding of that relationship. As of right now, my eyes are on Zach. I don't think he is a prime player in the Lazare dynamic, but I think taking him out sends a message. Don't sleep on the King of Mykonos.

Finally some tea to spill , Jared Nicole Regan and I formed a alliance and I am all for this it keeps me safe and I really like these people and feel I can trust them plus Jared and Nicole will always be seen as a threat over me, apparently I'm the vote from the others and or they are splitting me and Regan. Sooo We shall see I have a plan with my fake idol to cause some shit We shall see though. :) XD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IAUwPtsqUI

So me Nicole Jared and JG have a plan to blindside the others and get out Zach. (All over pms I don't trust them all enough. ) and they wanna split between me and JG but they're idiots if they think that's gonna work lmao. I can't wait to get out Alex eventually it will be amazing. Like as I said never get too comfortable and Zach is definitely comfortable. They all are. Hopefully it works but I have a bad feeling about this all

i dont understand why only 2 out of 8 people on our tribe are searching for the idol.......

all the power to augusto and i, I suppose

https://youtu.be/UGEVt9Nrff0