#idk it's probably a lot of internalized ableism (especially from ******)

[karmaphone]

I feel like such an asshole for wanting a wheelchair some day even tho I know it would help me move around more than I do now without as much* pain

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my friend I thought he was autistic and making him cry?

I (25F) have been casual friends with "M" (25M) for several years. We're not super close friends (or at least, I'm not super close to him, I suspect he is more emotionally invested in our friendship than me. Also, according to several classmates back in college, he had a crush on me. Idk, but seems possible based on his actions. I'm gay and now have a gf, he's always been very chill and respectful about any feelings he may or may not have). Honestly, our interests, energy levels, and socializing preferences are not super compatible, but he's a good person, and we've stayed in touch after college, occasionally meeting up every few months for a hike.

For the last 5 years, I assumed he was autistic. I am also autistic (got diagnosed in my teens) and noticed a ton of autistic/neurodivergent traits as soon as I met M. TBH that's one of the big reasons we became and stayed friends, we may not be 100% compatible as friends/people but neither of us have to climb over all the neurotypical social rules and stigmas just to hang out. I've talked about my experiences with autism with him, in a commiserating/companion-type way, and we both talked about our very different childhood experiences with speech therapy and special ed.

Anyways, I had casually told my gf and mom that M's autistic (my mom got diagnosed with autism a few years ago, after I did, and my gf recently got diagnosed after both of us recognized she had similar autistic traits as me). M visited me 2 or 3 months ago and we went hiking, like usual. Afterwards, we were hanging out at my house (I live with my parents, my job's close and there's few apartments here) and M was talking about how he got fired from his job a few months ago, and was having trouble finding a new job. He was about to leave, and I left for a few min. When I came back my mom was telling M about how he should talk with HR at any future job about his autism because he was probably fired in large part due to ableism (I agree ableism played a role in his firing, probably because his bosses were shit at actually communicating and assumed everyone were mind readers). M was pretty obviously uncomfortable, and my mom is not tactful or very sensitive, so I intervened and we left.

The two of us talked for a few min. It turned out that he is Not Autistic (or at least, not diagnosed). I told him the reason my mom thought he was autistic is because I assumed he was and told her. It turns out that he has a lot of shame and negative emotions about his time in speech therapy and special ed as a kid (he had always talked about it as though they were annoying, sometime unnecessary, sometimes helpful, so I didn't know this) and some internalized ableism directed at himself. I mostly talked about my experiences with autism and getting diagnosed, and emphasized that, although I thought he had autism/neurodivergence, I'm not an expert and not trying to tell him what he is, and also that autism (especially for me) is not a bad thing. It was awkward and uncomfy for both of us, and by the end M was visibly very upset. I apologized and let him go. Before he shut the garage door I heard him start to sob. A few hours later (he lives about 2 hrs away) I texted him to apologize and reiterate what I had said earlier. He said it was ok, but idk. We've texted some, and called once since this, but haven't seen each other yet.

You may judge me on any or all of the following (potential) dick moves:

assuming M was autistic without him actually telling me

telling 2 other people he was autistic without his permission or telling him

allowing mom to bring up a sensitive subject like this

how I handled the situation afterwards, including telling M I think he's autistic and talking about myself

any other asshole thing you may ID from this story

What are these acronyms?

[campgender]

Hi, my friend has a chronic illness that flares up sometimes and we've been wanting to hang out but it has gotten cancelled a couple times lately bc of her not feeling well enough on the day. I want to ask her how she feels cuz I care abt her a lot and want an update but 1, I don't want her to feel pressured or like I'm asking just to ask can we hang out now, and not bc I care abt how she's feeling (does that make sense? I may be overthinking this) and 2, I genuinely wanna know how she's doing but idk what to say if she responds with her not being better, sometimes u don't feel better and that's ok but I always want to offer comfort somehow or just convey my friendship? but I feel the same everytime and don't want to sound repetitive ?

Any thoughts?

this is really kind of you & it means so much to me that you want to support your friend & are putting so much thought into it! my response is inherently based in my own experience to an extent & everybody’s different, but a lot if not all of this is stuff i’ve heard regularly from other chronically ill people. of course, don’t say anything you don’t mean – if some of this isn’t the case for you, just adapt accordingly :)

i understand worrying about being repetitive but i think that’s totally okay to do! for one thing, it can be difficult to remember things period when you’re ill, especially during a flare, & for another, internalized + societal ableism is a hell of a force. it never hurts to have a reminder that not everyone is trying to force ableist expectations onto you + your friendship & that someone cares about you!

i think you can definitely tell your friend pretty much what you told me! like, “hey, it’s okay if you aren’t feeling up for responding but i just wanted to check on you! not trying to pressure you to hang out or anything, i just care about you & how you’re doing”

honestly the most important + supportive thing people have ever told me is that it’s okay if the answer is “bad.” i’m literally like surprised pikachu meme every time somebody offers to let me vent about having a rough time & then it helps me just to talk about it. it’s really socially unacceptable to talk about chronic pain & a lot of people get frustrated when you’re complaining about the same thing & there’s not really anything they can do, so just the opportunity to be like “yeah shit fucking sucks right now” means a lot.

obv the appropriateness of this depends on the person & their relationship to disability but most of the time i’m very like, radical acceptance / embracing / etc about the fact that i’m probably just gonna get sicker, so sometimes when i’m having a rough time emotionally & am like “what if i’m this bad for the rest of my life” my gf (who doesn’t have chronic pain / chronic illness) will say something like “then i can’t wait to be there with you ❤️” & it’s more meaningful to me than i can begin to put into words.

again everybody’s different but for me one of the biggest things is when disability stuff just… isn’t a big deal to the other person. which, it’s totally okay for you to need support from others when someone you care about is going through a hard time & when things change! but abled people are constantly horrified about like, every aspect of my life, so being able to talk casually about symptoms & somebody mirror the mood / tone i set – laugh if i’m joking, be upset about the ableism i experience & not my body itself if i’m complaining about people being weird about it, taking things as they come – is so affirming.

other things that have been helpful + meaningful for me are friends sending me notes, stickers, & art in the mail – having something tangible can make me feel more “real” & part of the world, something i struggle with due to being homebound – & peer support around medical neglect, which often just looks like talking to someone after a doctor’s appointment & them reaffirming my reality / experiences & saying i didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

oh one other change in language i’ve made over time & probably picked up from a few other ill people in my life is a sort of realistic encouragement – there’s not necessarily anything wrong with “i hope you feel better soon!” because like, i get that the message is well-intentioned, but it can be awkward & difficult to receive when you don’t know if that’s gonna happen. instead, i try to tell people something like “i hope you get a bit of relief soon” or “i hope things are a little easier tomorrow.” a 7/10 pain day may be horrifying for most people, but when you’ve had a streak of 9s, it can be a much-needed taking the edge off, & i try to make space for that breadth of experience in my language.

i’ve answered a few similar questions before so i’ll add my “asks” & “faq” tags on my chronic illness blog in the reblogs if you want to browse! much love to you & your friend and feel free to lmk if you have any other questions 💓💓

[dangergays]

all of my redacted ocs!!!! probably!!!!!!! i have a lot!!!!!!!!!! there might be a part two!!!!!!!!!!!!! @batz-zzz pspspsppsps i am feeding u oc lore

in this post i have max, kaden, jack, lachlan, emerson, ajax, percy, nixie, and briar

listener ocs:

max acheson (darlin', tanker)

werewolf (shaw pack)

gay trans man (he/him)

literally daddy issues incarnate. he's really fucked up

self preservation??? idk her

gabe taught him how to play guitar when he was little but he doesnt play anymore bc it reminds him too much of gabe and it makes him sad :'(

kaden elliott (freelancer)

freelancer ofc

another gay trans man (he/him)

in a polycule with huxley, damien and lasko! they'll sometimes... mess around... with gavin but he's more of a friend with benefits

embodiment of all things sweet and pure hes just wonderful i love him sm

hes a singer/songwriter!! he plays guitar and piano and writes mostly alternative/folk punk music inspired by bands like the front bottoms and the mountain goats

works at a daycare and is vv good with kids!! damien went to pick him up from work one time and saw him surrounded by these tiny humans and his heart melted it was so sweet to watch him

he's autistic and has rlly big sensory problems, made much worse after. yknow. kody

lots of internalized ableism bc of kody and his parents and actually most of his friends growing up (they weren't really his friends but he didnt realize at the time)

he just. he needs affection. pls cuddle him and kiss him he deserves it

hes kinda fucked up ngl. like mentally

other ocs:

jackson mackay

werewolf (shaw pack)

also a gay trans man (he/him)

pretty punk boy play drums make gay heart go brrrrrrr i love him

drummer for the band patchwork!!

he's also autistic with bad sensory problems (especially loud noises) so he has to wear like a bunch of shit on his ears so he doesnt have a meltdown in the middle of a concert

once he actually did have a meltdown during a concert and it was a horrible experience

loves horror movies and the addams family

emerson and briars boyfren <3333

laoise mackay

werewolf (shaw pack)

pansexual demigirl (she/they)

half sister to jack!!! shes around 18/19 and lives on the d.a.m.n. campus with her girlfriend

bassist for patchwork

nixies girlfren <3333

emerson shaw

electro energetic (also shaw pack tho)

another gay trans man im so original (he/him)

david shaw's beloved adopted son with a lot of anxiety

lead singer of patchwork

jack and briars boyfren <3333

ajax monroe

earth elemental, 2nd year at D.A.M.N.

hey guess what its another gay trans man lol (he/him)

besties with nixie and lachlan

very into cottagecore and light academia

stereotypical plant dad with adhd

percys boyfren <3333

percival (percy) antonis

fire elemental, 2nd year at D.A.M.N.

gay transmasc/demiboy (he/they)

stoic anger issues ™

ajaxs boyfren <3333

him and ajax are a classic dynamic of brooding dark emo x sunshine incarnate

also the typical "i hate everyone except you"

nixie oakes

freelancer, 3rd year at D.A.M.N.

lesbian transfem/demigirl (she/they)

literally like. just a goddess

not like literally a goddess but she's just really good at everything she does

plays guitar and occasionally sings, also writes music

lead guitarist/songwriter for patchwork

insanely talented with all things aesthetic??? like she almost went to a cosmetology school so she could become like a professional makeup artist but eventually decided on D.A.M.N. instead

even though she didn't end up going to school for it she's really good at hair and makeup

laoises girlfren <3333

briar callahan

stealth

gay trans man (he/him)

jack and emersons boyfren <3333

love love loves books and everything to do with reading/writing!!! he works at a library!!!

he even makes his own books. like he makes paper recycled from newspapers n stuff and he will literally bind them into his own books

makes books for his bfs all the time!!! he makes sketchbooks for emerson and songbooks for jack and they both love it sm

literally has written like 3 books before even turning 18. they're all fantasy gay romance novels <3

has some pretty severe adhd tbh. lots of forgetfulness, mood swings, hyperfixations, etc.

the absolute biggest fan of his bfs he loves them sm and supports absolutely everything they do always

literally almost never misses any of their shows

he missed a show one time bc he had to work and literally cried about for like. thirty minutes

has common sense but actively chooses to ignore it bc he has no impulse control and his bfs dont either so they end up doing lots of stupid shit together

[fluideli123]

Ah! Anything is fine? But if you need a specific thing ummmm Donnie and Mikey and their stories??! The gang finding out about gender and systems? Idk :3

Oooooo!! Okay, I can do this without spoiling too much, I believe!!

1) So, I've got most of their main plots and ideas for Donnie and Mikey's stories in my series written down! Donnie, not so much since I'm not sure what a major issue for him will be since, throughout each story in the series, everyone overcomes a challenge, though it's not as intense or as grand as the centric brother. And through Leo's, Raph's, and Mikey's stories, Donnie has some of his issues addressed, and I'm struggling to pinpoint a big one that would still be prominent throughout them all.

But for Mikey, I have most of the overarching plot ideas done! While Leo's story is about Queerness and Raph's will be about being a System, Mikey's will be about Disabilities! As you probably know from reading or the tags on my fic, I write the boys with many different kinds of disabilities. Splinter was really good about supporting his son's needs when they were younger, and they were aware of each other's needs since forever, it seems. But when a new disability enters their lives, it causes problems, especially for the youngest.

I won't say what it is for surprise reasons (though you can probably pick up what it could be throughout both Leo and Raph's fics since I foreshadow it), but I think about it a lot.

The idea that the youngest bro of the family goes through a major change, and having that change reflect his issues about being babied? It just consumes my thoughts often, all the fucking time, actually. Because Raph couldn't even allow Mikey to go to an auction house alone in Hot Soup: The Game, how will he react to his baby brother of the family acquiring a new disability? How about Donnie and Leo? They've never babied him before the same way Raph does in the show, but is there a point where they might? Do they have internalized ableism? Something from the past? Something from Leo and Raph's fics that might change this? Is it another reason altogether?

It's just a fun thought to entertain!

2) I plan on diving more in-depth about the fam and them finding out about the Shard System in Raph's fic and Queerness in Leo's fic, but I'd like to talk about April for this!

April met them when the Shard System was something no one knew about, but it was still very apparent when you spoke with Raph or someone who was fronting pretending to be Raph. She was there with the rest of the brothers learning about Raphael's experiences, the amnesia, and learning to get used to the idea that someone they knew had more than one person in them.

She was really ecstatic about it when Splinter figured out a name for it, along with Donnie. Though, they were excited for different reasons.

April, being the weirdo magnet she is, was happy because it was like when she first met the turtles for the very first time: It's strange, kind of scary, definitely not something she sees all the time, and she wants nothing more than to get to know about it more. Plus, it was still her friend, and she wanted nothing more than to help him and his head buddies out if anyone were to pull something sneaky about it.

Especially since Donnie was excited to pull out experiment after experiment to see what he could learn, which was put to a stop since it made Raph feel less like a being and more like an object. Donnie did this a few times when they were younger, accident or not, and he still struggles with it. But it's one of those things no one can pull in their family without April bursting out of nowhere brandishing her bat. Even if it's Donnie, maybe even especially if it was Donnie, LMAO.

As for Queerness, April knew she was attracted to girls since she was in Elementry School, if not before then, so she was their first open and honest introduction to queerness in their younger years before the present time where SAA is set in.

They used to ask her many questions, and she always enjoyed answering them! Especially since they seemed to be the only ones interested in it since everyone in her family other than her parents weren't. April even went through a phase of researching and reading books about queerness with Mikey since he was always a History Nerd(TM).

April used to go to public libraries and check out books for them to go through together after school or at sleepovers they'd have. And she used to talk about all the problems of being an out lesbian kid, something Mind themself usually got forced to the front to deal with when it distressed April to a point that Raph couldn't deal with. It was also something the boys made sure to never add onto and always made sure they could let April be as queer as she wanted. Queer safe space was definitely the turtle household, especially with Splinter's help.

[thechangeling]

I had a question for you, and if you would be willing to answer I would greatly appreciate it. Since your last post referenced this, I was wondering if you had any tips on writing Ty specifically, or autistic characters in general? I think that you might have posted on this before, but I couldn’t find it, so I figured I would ask you. Anyway, like I said, if you don’t mind answering that would be wonderful, but if you don’t want to, no hard feelings!

For me I guess it's more intuition like if something just feels right, but that's kind of hard to explain to people so I'm gonna try and put this into words.

I like it when people make an effort to understand Ty's emotions and where he's coming from. I appreciate people taking care of Ty's emotions through the narrative even when it's angsty and treating them as valid. Also putting in autistic traits in a way that doesn't seem forced. Especially more nuanced things like rubbing your neck or running your fingers through your hair. Acknowledge the fact that Ty is pretty smart. I can't stand fics that dumb him down. But don't write him like a super genius who knows everything either.

I wanna see autistic joy. I wanna see Ty getting so happy and excited after finally figuring out the answer to a tough mystery and not being able to hold back his happy stimming. Ty rambling about his special interests to Kit because he trusts him and stimming with Kit's hair and fingers.

I would also like to see autistic anger. Ty getting rightfully pissed and the narrative actually explaining why. Ty losing his shit in ways that aren't pretty and instantly regretting it. Ty getting weighed down by burnout and avoiding Kit because he doesnt have the energy to be social or be around people at all without snapping. Give me Ty trying so hard to tell Kit how he feels despite not being able to find the right words. So he writes letters where he uses other peoples words and quotes to explain.

Address the trauma he has been through! Address the fact that it is just as valid as Kit's trauma!! Acknowledge the shit that his father put him through!!! Explore how complicated that makes his memories of his father especially compared to Ty's siblings. Acknowledge the fact that growing up autistic isolates you from everyone else and forces you to constantly compromise.

Show me Ty loving Kit but also being jealous of him for not having to deal with the ableism that Ty does. Show me Ty being strong but still vulnerable and not invincible. Show me Ty being afraid of messing up with Kit and violating social boundaries and being afraid Kit might not say anything because of his past trauma even when his feelings are hurt.

I don't think allistic writers should be writing internalized ableism, but you can write about how the opinions of others affect him. Don't infantalize him compared to the other characters. If the others are drinking, let him drink. If the others are swearing let him swear. If the others are talking about it having sex then let him do the same. Autistics don't really flirt in my experience, at least not traditionally. But we usually end up smiling more and touching the other person or trying to be around them a lot.

Explore the intersectionality of Ty being queer and autistic. Or maybe don't if you're straight idk. This will probably require further research.

Autistic people acquire new special interests over time. I don't think he'll drop Sherlock yet because he's pretty invested but he might add a new one. You can have tons of special interests at once actually. I currently have five.

Look up theory of mind and how autistic people lack it. Think about how Ty will perceive everyone's actions if he assumes everyone knows what he knows. Maybe show Ty going non verbal after going through a lot of stress and using pictures or a text to voice app to communicate.

Ty listening to other music besides classical! He uses it to calm down and that's valid but I don't like the implication that autistic people only like soft or slow music. That's not true! I personally love heavy metal and alt rock. I lowkey headcanon Ty as a Queen fan idk.

I can't think of anything else but if other autistics wanna add on then go for it. But my final thought is just let him be autistic. Let him stim, let him be blunt, let him be overwhelmed, let him feel music with his entire being, let him have stim toys and comfort objects but don't have him be just his autism. Let him talk about and show interest in other things besides his special interests, let him show his personality, let him make jokes, show him being a shadowhunter. Also let him have a connection to his sexuality! I swear I've seen so many fanfics where Ty talks about being not straight only in relation to his love for Kit or not at all and acts like it doesnt matter. This bothers me a lot. It does matter! Even when you're autistic.

If you have any questions you can always ask me as long as you're respectful.

[talesfromacrip]

some thoughts:

I don’t feel well some days. I feel so lost.. I’m starting to disassociate again at times and it doesn’t help. I start feeling absolutely worthless, sad, frustrated. emotional whirlpool alert  so fucking overwhelmed nowadays and I act like nothing is going on sometimes bc I hide shit easily. I shouldn’t and I know, but it’s so damn repetitive. like a fucking carousel of absolute madness and I got a one way ticket to ride

there is so much chaos going on; everyday and I hate that I cannot do anything about it. I can, but not to the extent I’d like

feel so useless

sure, I can help in some ways, but not as much as I’d like and it irritates me. my internalized ableism has kicked in at a high bc of all this shit. I cannot stand it and myself in the process. I do to an extent, but holy fucking shit

all the dreams I’ve been having, snarky comments, yelling, drama. I’m, tired of it. I want out but I can’t even go o u t or get much less. I feel trapped. not only in my own house, but own my damn body

can’t go anywhere and I honestly don’t know if I ever will now. so damn tired and sick of this shit, but I won’t say it until my kettle squeals and what do ya know.. it did

I have to put up with some silly ass shit everyday. all the darn time

it’s just, annoyingly difficult to handle and adds more to my stress.. it is what it is though ya know. I hate saying that but idrk how to replace that without sounding like an ass

———

I’m concerned about Jolene and her eyes. she needs surgery for her cataracts and it’s really fucking expensive. like, 3 to 5 thousand big. We might be able to do one, but we don’t really know for sure yet. lots of smaller issues have been coming up and it gets in the way.

we can’t continue buying her eye drops forever. it could either do nothing much in the end or ruin her eyes completely. don’t want that for her at all.

I’m not stable enough to handle the death of another dog if something bad was to happen to her. we barely lost malibu in february and that wasn’t long ago. feels like years now as I write this tbh. It hurt my parents so much as well and they still feel it. 

———

I love my little family a lot and all, but sometimes it’s, alright. has it’s, moments ya know. I’m thankful that we’re getting along with each other more (er trying) than years before though.

There’s not much yelling or anything, but there are still those days that just, happen. Can’t be helped in the environment I live in. drains my battery so much. I just don’t know what to do sometimes anymore. I do, but I cannot act on them. I can talk, but that could lead to some hard times

sucks, yeah,but ya gotta put up with it or I do at least till whatever time I’m free from here. which I don’t think is ever,but we’ll see

I’ve been teaching them about ableism, occasionally how I’ve dealt with it and the internalized ableism that followed me and still does when I can.  My dad is all for this,but he still messes up when he has a dumb fit. My mom still struggles about the whole thing at times.  It’s not her fault. she is at least learning and trying too which I’m pretty glad about. occasionally though, I just don’t know if it’ll fully happen, but it is slowly. counts

I have to calmly deal though obviously, even if the comments set me straight off and give me the biggest migraine to date. also, intense jaw pain at times bc I don’t want to start yelling or crying. so I just clench and try to cam down my breathing so I don’t go full freak mode.

Shit like, who did this? you smoke too much, it’s all in your head. you and that word. do you think someone else will deal with this? why don’t you just leave then if you don’t like it here.. blah, blah. The usual  parrot babble I’ve always heard growing up and shit.

This is the reason why I don’t want anyone to know much about my parents in the first place and how they really are. Eventually they’re gonna, but holy fuck.. it’s, just not a fun experience/time I tell ya. embarrassing

when I do, it just, gets worse it seems. No one is gonna want to deal with me or my parents. I can barely deal with myself at times. ugh. mostly my parents or maybe me? both?? I don’t even know for sure. that’s how razzled i am about thissss

I’m gonna end up by myself and die alone by myself as the kids say. I’m probably not but who fucking knows. 

I’ve meet people like that towards me though?? I’m affected by it and it hurts. Trying to deal. working but it gets to me on some days as some other problems do.

what if they act the same way she does, them?? then what am I supposed to do? maybe they won’t? sigh, I don’t know anymore.  I do, but I don’t want to dwell on it so much. sigh

———

I’m sorry if it seems like I’m being an asshole lately these past few weeks, months, years? weeks though

I’ve been pretty stressed for awhile as I’ve said probably a million times and I’m trying my b e s t to hold it in, but it’s just been spilling out occasionally

I’ve noticed at times even if some have and I’m so sorry..

it’s difficult to bring up these issues and I don’t want to ruin anyone’s day ya know. even though it’s good too, say how you feel. I just struggle with it like an ass clown at times from how overwhelming it can be at times.

doesn’t seem like it bc I’m g o o d at hiding my ‘motions.

I’m or was, am? at my limit

I’m trying to "hold it together" which bugs me even more, but what can I do? obviously tell someone like I said, but i don’t like dumping my problems on people; especially now and idk how to really talk about it without me soundin.. u p s e t. it’s been constant though and I’m struggling. Trying though

I always have to though; keep it together, so everyone else doesn’t feel so down like they do with their issues. it’s such a tiresome thing, but I don’t like them being sad. I know they don’t like me either and I neglect that at times.

I’m tense about things and I just, can’t bother anyone to explain much bc everyone is "so busy" even during this time bc they have better things to do, but who knows.

I don’t want to bother anyone with my internalized ableism problems as always.. they’re getting a bit worse, the hell am I gonna do?

they can’t do anything anyway and it’s not anyone’s fault. i know they want too, but what is there to do?

idk, I just don’t want to continue brushing it off or lying about how I’m feeling and I do. Trying as much as I can to not be like that though. glad to have some reassurance in this as well.

[snowstories]

@dooplissss about your reply (if its not too much trouble, could you write some suggestions for creators on how to address/write characters with psychosis/schizophrenia? I now know what to avoid, just not what to aim for) on this post; I purposefully didn’t give specific advice on how to write schizo-spec/psychotic characters because I don’t really feel qualified to do so. I’m not schizophrenic, I do not have a schizo-spec/psychotic disorder diagnosis, and I haven’t had hallucinations/delusions for about eight years now (one or two notable times exempt), and as a result I’m not actively involved in the psychotic/schizo-spec community (idk how welcome I am, if welcome at all, and I don’t really have the spoons to research it much), so I absolutely do not claim to be an expert on the matter of writing schizo-spec/psychotic characters. It’s very possible (and in fact likely) that my information on this matter is not entirely accurate and that I still have internalized ableism on this front.

I’m gonna list some things that I would have personally loved to see in a character when I was experiencing psychosis, but if you’re planning on writing a psychotic/schizo-spec character, I strongly encourage you to hit up blogs more involved in the schizo-spec/psychotic community with your questions and to do more research on the topic in general. The following list is more of a list of things that would’ve really helped me to read while I was a kid experiencing psychosis, than a list of Objective Writing Advice™ that I’d be able to offer you if you asked the same question about autism. It’s entirely personal and subjective.

With that disclaimer out of the way, here’s some thing I would/would’ve liked to see in a character with psychosis:

A character who experiences psychosis living a happy life. This one sounds so basic, and yet I’m literally getting tears in my eyes just thinking about it. Psychotic/schizo-spec characters are always portrayed as eternally suffering (if they’re not outright dangerous, obviously), and while psychosis can absolutely suck and portraying this isn’t wrong per se, knowing that there is a future for people like me would’ve helped me a LOT as a kid. Just like. Give psychotic people a cute pet, or a hobby that they get immense joy out of, or a job they love, or friends/family who love and support them, or all of the above! I cannot stress enough how much I want to see this.

Hallucinations that aren’t there because of some Thematically Appropriate Reason, but just because hallucinations exist. Literally just hallucinations that don’t have any Deeper Meaning and don’t necessarily relate back to the character’s mental health state or something. Just basic hallucinations.

Note: it’s definitely possible for hallucinations to be connected to someone’s state of mind, and that has happened to me a couple times, but it’s such a massive trope in media that I’m sick and tired of it, especially since it’s always treated like a gimmick more than anything else.

Related: hallucinations that aren’t necessarily scary, just wildly annoying. Honestly the majority of my hallucinations probably weren’t that scary? There were definitely some that were terrifying, don’t get me wrong, but for the most part, they were just kinda there, annoying me. Like the voices in my head who constantly argued over petty shit. Was that scary? Not beyond the realization that there are voices in my head, no. Was it annoying? Oh god yes. 

Reality checking. Please show your character reality checking. Reality checking wasn’t just a lifesaver for me, it was an absolute necessity to get through daily life. I never had any kind of formal training in reality checking, so idk if my methods would’ve been therapist approved, but I used a lot of grounding methods such as stimming with a comfort object, touching things in general, and talking to other people (sometimes trying to get them to confirm that the Thing wasn’t there, if I was feeling brave enough). 

Also (and you should definitely check this with other people before going ahead and writing it), my reality checking methods were tailored to fit my needs. My hallucinations were pretty much always based on the supernatural and/or religion, meaning that they were generally easy to distinguish from reality (unless I was in a delusion that was connected to/reinforced them), so to reality check I would often use logic like ‘does x exist in real life?’ and if the answer was ‘no’, then it was a hallucination. This method does not work if I’m in a delusion, obviously, and it wouldn’t work for hallucinations that could be real. I also touched things a lot to remind myself of what reality is when I was experiencing hallucinations, because my hallucinations were never tactile (despite tactile hallucinations being among the most common). So like. What I’m getting at is maybe consider how your character’s hallucinations manifest, and what type of reality checking would work best for them.

Anti-psychotic meds that actually work, or at least are not actively harmful. While meds can definitely be harmful, useless, have terrible side effects, or all of the above, meds meant to improve your mental health tend to be very demonized in media, with a lot of media portraying them as things that will make you change your entire personality and/or go into a catatonic state. And this is absolutely possible (I know people this has happened to), but this portrayal has become oversaturated in the market, imo, and it was one of the primary reasons I postponed asking for meds for literal years (I eventually requested them, but the hallucinations I had asked them for stopped before they got prescribed (although the psychiatrist had granted my request and was looking into possibilities, the hallucinations I’d asked them for stopped before they made any decisions, and that was my last real psychotic episode, so I never did end up getting them). So I’d just like to see a portrayal of anti-psychotic meds where, even though they’re not a miracle cure and may suck on some levels, they do actually help as well. 

A character who experiences psychosis in a story that’s not about their psychosis. Give me a high fantasy story with a schizophrenic protag, or a romcom with a schizoaffective protag, or a magical girl show with a girl who experiences psychosis as the protag, or literally anything among those lines. Don’t always make it About The Psychosis.

You’ll also notice that all of my character wishes in the above point are protagonists. This is because I want schizo-spec protagonists. Not a one off side character in a Very Special Episode, not little siblings or children who function as character motivations for the protag rather than characters in their own right, not creepy villains, not comic relief sidekicks whose psychosis is ~hilarious~, protagonists who are heroes. 

Show the character with loved ones who know about the psychosis and who are aware of how to deal with it when the character starts experiencing delusions/un-ignorable hallucinations. Not that I’d know what the correct way to act in those situations would be (lord knows nobody ever told me or helped me through any of that lmao), but showing loved ones aware of psychosis can a) help people recognize appropriate ways to act in these situations and b) shows people who experience psyshosis that there’ll still be people who love them. 

Honestly? Write a character who can see supernatural things. Now take away the presence of those supernatural things, and keep the way everybody treats them, the way they feel isolated and scared, and the arc where they find friends and people who understand them, and you’ve got a 99% chance of having at least a semi-decent psychotic character imo.

Example: the anime Natsume Yuujinchou is about Natsume Takashi, a teenager who has seen youkai for as long as he remembers. As a result, he’s been consistently bullied because he’s weird for screaming at nothing, and passed around from relative to relative because nobody wants to deal with him and the ‘fits’ that he supposedly throws to get ‘attention’. One of the main themes of the show is him finding friends and family who love him, even though they might not understand him and his strange behaviour remains. The way the show presents Natsume’s childhood is honestly painfully relatable, and the way it presents him finding new friends not just in those who see/believe in youkai, but also those who don’t know what’s up with him and just take the fact that he sometimes yells at nothing or sees things that aren’t there for granted.

It’s obviously not a perfect 1:1 narrative or anything, but it’s genuinely miles above anything else I’ve ever read with deliberate psychotic characters, and it’s really funny to me that people can understand that being treated like a crazy person who deliberately causes people harm for their own gain/entertainment is shitty when it happens to ‘normal’ people, but can’t parse it when it happens to psychotic people. And by funny I mean ‘fucking infuriating’.

What I’m getting at in these points is this: be sympathetic towards your psychotic characters. Don’t give people a pass for treating them like shit just because they’re psychotic. If they’re isolated/bullied/abused, don’t make it seem like it’s their fault because they’re ‘difficult to deal with’. Don’t treat people who are their friends/family like saints for ‘putting up with them’. Literally just write psychotic characters like people worthy of compassion I don’t get why this is so hard. 

that’s all I can come up with on the fly, and they center around delusions/hallucinations heavily because those were the primary symptoms for me, but remember that delusions/hallucinations are not the only things that can pop up with schizo-spec/psychotic disorders, and in fact, the diagnostic criteria for many schizo-spec/psychotic disorders show that delusions/hallucinations aren’t even necessary for a diagnosis, as long as other symptoms like disorganized speech, negative symptoms, and/or ‘grossly disorganized or catatonic behaviour’ are present. 

also, it could very well be that I’m reading too deep into this, but the wording in your reply (”I now know what to avoid”) kind of lead me to believe that my post might’ve been the first time you’ve encountered the subject of proper representation of psychosis in media, in which case, you are DEFINITELY going to want to do more research on what to avoid. my post didn’t even scratch the surface of the negative stereotypes around psychosis in media.

also sorry for doing the reply like this, it’s... Long and I didn’t want to do this in the comments of the original post.

[nbandproud]

I think it’s interesting that a lot of people around me reported getting surprised this pride month, saying they just now discovered some of the people they followed on Tumblr were anti ace/aro inclusion.

Because nothing happened to me?

Here’s what I do so I don’t have to deal with “surprise REGs”:

1) Not follow blogs without checking.

Is there an about/byf? Then check if the person is:

against using the words monosexism/allosexism (if yes, don’t follow even if you don’t use the words)

against ace/aro/intersex/etc. inclusion (if yes, don’t follow, obviously)

against REGs/exclusion (probably safe, at least regarding being a REG)

Is there nothing like this?

/search/asexual, /search/ace, /search/discourse and /search/aromantic are your friends.

Nothing there? It’s possible search doesn’t work on the blog. Go to the front page of the blog, and search for a word the person actually uses. If nothing appears, search is disabled.

Then you’ll have to browse that blog for a while (which you should be comfortable doing anyways if you are considering following it). Then, it’s possible to:

Come across anti-inclusion dogwhistles

Come across pride posts made by REGs

Come across basic “aces/aros are valid” posts

Not come across any LGBTQIAPN+ content at all

Depending on the blog, you may also want to look for tags where you can find these posts more easily, such as “the discourse” or “q word” or “pride tag”.

If there are just occasional dogwhistles and REGish pride posts, but the rest of the blog seems neutral or pro-inclusion, the blog is probably safe.

If there are a lot of posts made by REGs, even if they don’t mock QIAPN+ people or explicitly say “asexuals aren’t LGBT” or whatever, the blog is probably NOT safe. Maybe the person doesn’t want to be seen as a bigot even if they are, and maybe the person is still “flirting” with the idea, but still, don’t follow if you don’t want unfortunate surprises, especially if there aren’t inclusion-favorable posts to balance it out.

If there are a few posts including a-spec pride stuff, or saying “x is valid” but nothing explicitly acknowledging them as part of the community, the blog is still suspicious, unless there is no other REGish content there at all (including dogwhistles and pride posts).

If you don’t come across LGBTQIAPN+ content at all, it’s possible the person just doesn’t usually blog about that stuff, but in my experience, those blogs are usually safe.

2) Block liberally.

Come across a shitty post? Block the person. Then check the notes and block people who agree. This way, if you search on Tumblr for, idk, posts talking about being trans or about ableism, posts from those blogs are not going to appear, and then they are easier to avoid.

3) Unfollow liberally.

If a person that you only follow because of a shared fandom starts talking about a-spec identities or nonbinary labels as jokes, unfollow. If someone reblogs a well-meaning post about how ace people encourage internalized homomisia or whatever, unfollow.

I mean, if you have some connection with the person, you may want to talk to them. But if you don’t, don’t feel guilty for unfollowing or blocking anyone. There are thousands of blogs out there.

Some posts may seem innocent enough, but maybe they are only introducing the subject slowly.

Disclaimer

I’m not saying anyone has to do this. Each one’s Tumblr experience is their own. I’m just giving those hints for those who really don’t want REGs on their dash.

[talesfromacrip]

septiembre thoughts:

I’ve been, really down lately. not showing it much, but I am.

there are other important matters to deal with than my constant irrelevant life occurrences. (imo)

I can bring them up, sure, but I don’t want it to always be about me..

I can barely hold a conversation and when I do, I just, act like a dumbass.. without a single care in the world when I’m having a plethora it seems.

I ache to let it out but I hold it in. makes me an asshole in the process bc I get moody from it.. be it a bit mad or just plain ol’ sad. it’s not even from anyone but me.. internalized ableism is truly a bitch and it makes other things/thoughts spiral

I don’t ask anyone else whats wrong and all nowadays.. I feel like they think I don’t care about them when I do so fucking much

if I do, ask em, then it’ll come down to me.. like, it makes me incredibly anxious to think and all. there’s, so much to explain yet little time with some being busy and I’m just, here being in the way. adding more weight on top of the pile

-

I feel so empty when I get up from dreams I have with someone I’ll just, never be with.

my mind loves to play these games with me. almost every night or other depending on how I’m feeling. they make me wake up crying or just plain sad. I care about them so much,but I’m just, not good enough and I know I’ll never be. if only I can get rid of dreams. they make life, interesting to an extent which I’m kinda happy about but fuck, how annoying at times

I’m glad they care about me though but I don’t think it’s the way I do and probably will never be. if only I wasn’t in such deep shit when we met maybe things would be, better? I was, in a different mindset though and I wouldn’t want it back at all..

either way, it’s so silly to think about.. pshhh, I’m sure they want a future with me. out of all the other abled and ‘beautiful’ people, me? yeahhhh. I can only dream, which is very exhausting yet very exhilarating, mmm

I can’t share it with them, these.. dreams. we sort of did before, but that was differentish sort of time. it’s a bit embarrassing tbh. pretty deep and Idont want to scare anyone away or ruin something like always with my ‘unpleasant’ thoughts

-

I feel so lonely and tired.. daily. 24/7 on this train of life?

even if I’m surrounded by the same, lovely small group of friends.. I’m still just, so lonely.

I know I’m not in some ways,but it just feels like that. I feel like, I’ll just grow to be a lonely ass loser bc of my conditions. it’s a lot for anyone to handle.. or so I’ve been told

I keep going to sleep at super late times and waking up when it’s after 3-4. sometimes being woken up earlier if someone has to do errand. I feel so exhausted and the pain varies daily within my body. so, that also affects my mood..

my insomnia is getting worse it seems and I don’t think my pills are working they way they should anymore when it comes to knocking my ass out..

they are in ways but in others I feel, hopeless. I might have to up my prescription or not, but we’ll see come appointment day and all

I think I’m suffering from something other than just anxiety, depression and slight ptsd.. time will tell as I’ve said, hopefully, whats wrong with me.. some days I just don’t feel like myself and all and I just, want to go away to somewhere where I won’t bother anyone ever. it’s, tiring but I must know or else I’ll truly go insane i feel whic, I don’t want to burden on anyone

-

I’m worried about my dog and dad with their health issues, even my mom.. what am I gonna do when they’re gone?? there is always somethings bad happening it seems every damn week. I know I can’t control it, but what am I going to if it does come down to that?? where am I gonna go? who’s gonna take care of me??

I feel like I’m getting abandoned or that I will be. that I’ll left behind on some days bc it’s too much.. I’m ‘too much’ it’s ridiculous

I shouldn’t be thinking about this but I am. they’re all I have and then no one after. I- I’m so lost , sighhhhh😪

-

I’m sexually frustrated and there’s absolutely nothing I can do ,but linger and lie in my own reckless thoughts.

I can’t touch myself as some may think I doand I’m not gonna ask for help with this bc I’m an annoying fuck of a person imo.

like, I’m just left here. sitting and trying so hard at times to not think about these thoughts. it’s a bit difficult though and I hate it. especially with someone I know is just, wayyy out of my league.. I, think they feel the same but I don’t know and I’m deathly afraid to even ask.

the old ableist sort of mindset I had made me sick yet it made me a courageous lil bitch. I’m, slowly trying to get that attitude back and without the help of being on my liquid grape death line

these thoughts hurt me more than ever though tbh.. I get so embarrassed trying to even say anything like that. it’s natural to be like this but at this level when I was never?? makes my heart race faster than my chair

well, I know why but it just makes me so sad and angry a bit. sad I cannot do anything I’d like and making it up in scenarios doesn’t do it right.. it does but I want more and to not be able to do that, makes me start to get angry. at myself that is. so, I stop and then I make things awkward it seems as always when I’m trying not to be. I’m not even experienced in this field much and I act like I am. maybe? but who knows

sometimes I’m not even sexually frustrated.

it’s just the urge to be held and hold someone close. (actually hold someone and not the way I do now..) just, feel their warmth and soft heartbeat as I lay on them gently to sleep.. mm I’ll, never have that. all the, lovey romantic bits and all that everyone daydreams about.. I can’t do or barely..

makes me cry

-

I feel disgusted at my own body and I want to scream. not gonna bc I don’t want to hurt my throat and fuck up my singing which helps me calm down and me myself. anyways,,,

I can’t look at myself in the mirror and i hate how big it is.. when I get into my room, it’s right there.

I can’t avoid it and when I do, I still end up seeing it or myself that is. I can’t close my eyes or even cover. not gonna run into anything but my image it seems.

I’m not, cute or anything of the sort.. every time I get told that I get so flustered and say something mean it seems when I’m not.

I would get compliments but some where not so generous..

I don’t want to ask as well every time if it is but it’s hard to tell.

even with genuine people

when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t feel that. I just feel the bad comments and I can’t help that.. believe me, I want to try and make myself believe I’m beautiful and all. just, not going so well and it’s not a topic you want to bring up or can so easily.

every one of my friends are gorgeous, extremely handsome. just,plain beautiful beings. me? idk, maybe but it doesn’t seem like that. feels like I’m full of myself. people of plus size being aren’t held up to that and if it is, it some sort of fetish.

it’s pretty hard for me to tell who’s being genuine I swear. it’s fucking awful but it’s not my fault I was made fun of. couldn’t even fight back and if I did I’d be in some serious trouble or possibly in the hospital or dead .-.

ughhhhhhhhh

I’ve already descibed some of my bdd issues which I know no one read and knows much besides my therapist and case workers ._.