#idk it's just kinda irritating
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I'm all in favour of fat positivity and if be lying if I said I didn't have a penchant for larger men but I'm getting a bit annoyed with this thing I keep seeing online lately about the term "bear". Because on Reddit and Tumblr I've seen multiple posts and people in the last couple of years reiterating that bear specifically means fat men, that it was created by and for fat men, about how a broader guy with hair who isn't overweight isn't a bear and it's frankly an offensive misuse of the term.
Except that's bollocks? The term was coined and codified in the 1980s and meant basically "hairy, beer drinker, kinda macho, probably stockier build".
Go look up covers from old issues of Bear Magazine, which is more or less as old as the term itself. It was never about being fat, it was about the hair.
#lgbt stuff#idk it's just kinda irritating#people making these grand points about how the term is being stolen and misused#I've seen people disparaging the description of non fat men at bears and going on to describe bodies that are like#my dude you are describing about 70% of the cover models from the first 30 years of Bear magazine#and to be clear bear subculture has long been more open to fat guys#but it's not reserved for them#beer and body hair are like the original definitions
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Anyway shout out to Dewey who constantly looked like he was having the worst time of his fucking life in the pitches
Just an 11 year old pissed off at the world it seems😭
#insane he ended up being so happy go lucky in canon#like in the art book they talk about the character shift dewey had once ben auditioned#and he made them realize they could take a more comedic approach with him#but initially dewey’s character seemed very negative and irritable#they had the label ‘the bad boy’ of the 3 on him for a bit too#bc of the massive chip on his shoulder and how unsatisfied he was at the time#and tbh you can see bits of that in the pilot#dewey’s character and overall demeanor is very different in the first two eps of s1#i LOVE my boy as the bright impulsive ball of sunshine and danger that he is#but this original pitch of him intrigues me a lot#like i can talk about pitch!dewey for hours bc#kinda feels like wasted potential idk LMAO#bc he didn’t entirely disappear at least in s1 so#just a lot of dewey thoughts#bc that’s my boy🫶#ducktales#ducktales 2017#dewey duck
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featherfowl
#dimension 20#d20#mine#fanart#acofaf#a court of fey and flowers#emily axford#lady chirp featherfowl#chirp featherfowl#lords of the wing#my lesbian queen. shes everything to me.#i was rewatching acofaf lately.... shes too mucchhh i love her tonss aughhhh u_u i have so much love in my heart for acofaf#its so fucking good aghh aabria drop another d20 campaign and my life is yours#i was actually watching burrows end while drawing this and it really made me want to learn how to actually draw stoats so i could do burrow#end fanart ... maybe i will . dont quote me on it but maybe#idk why this is so desaturated its making me kind of irritated actually... idk why my colors export weird this is not the first time it has#happened to me but every time i just kinda give up and let it happen.... maybe its only my laptop and its different on other devices idk id
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:-P
#srry ive just been thinking abt avatar a lot lately. idk y bc im not even rewatching it#i just kinda wanna draw the creatures and it really annoys me that i cant draw sokkas hair right#also me: scheduling posts << posting whatever i draw immediate bc fuck it#im procrastinating writing and trying to not think bad thoughts lmao#atla#avatar the last airbender#sokka#katara#aang#turtle duck#otter penguin#its annoying bc my brains says i cant draw anything simple but also i have to draw and color as fast as humanly possible#so everything comes out a lil fucked up which is irritating#also i like that the water tribe using mutant mittens which is what my dad uses in the winter bc idk military supply store?
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#c:shark#c:zephyros#ts4#the sims 4#hnnghsdh promise i'll get back to my builds now#got a lil distracted#and my ui's still kinda messed up#idk which outdated mod is causing it#it's not too bad tho just a lil bit irritating but im kinda used to it now ;;;;;#deadstars;cs
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It must be nice not having to bottle everything up.
#maybe I am tired of being nice#maybe I do want to go ape shit#not really a vent#but early this year I discovered that apparently I can’t express anger or process it??#like a while back I thought I was having a panic attack but apparently I was shaking in anger#and i didn’t know until it was pointed out#I mean don’t get me wrong I get angry but I just push it down#like there’s A LOT of stuff (new and old) that irritates me but I just keep it to myself#I mean I could vent post about stuff but… 🤷♀️#i just don’t want to#which now that I think about it vent art could help#like I kinda did it before and hell my regular art is an expressive outlet for me anyways#idk I’m just rambling#💬 chy chatter 💬
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I was going skimming through VLR again to screenshot some scenes I wanted to talk about, but while I was doing that I suddenly remembered how bullshit the 9BP game overs were. Y'know, the endings where Sigma has enough points to leave but immediately gets jumped by everybody and prevented to leave? Yeah, those ones. I'm not surprised that they pounced on Sigma, he did betray their trust for his own gain so that feeling of betrayal leading to that reaction is all fine and understandable except why the hell don't other characters get this same treatment?? I swear, everyone else excluding Luna has screwed the group over at some point some where some timeline, but they all get off scott free. Especially Dio, and personally that is just an actual affront to justice and my sanity, I freaking swear. When Sigma, the nicest (albeit most perverted) guy in the cast attempts to escape, all love for the man is lost and he gets stomped on, his arm chopped off and abandoned and left to die in a heartbeat, just no hesitation, but when goddamn betray-happy cultish asshatish douchebag Dio screws everyone and attempts to escape, all of a sudden the characters forget that-- oh I don't know-- tackling that twink is a totally valid option but instead they just go "alas, there is no point anymore he's already won" so this man just gets to walk out that door all proud of himself like what the fuck?? How is that fair in any way??? What the hell are they all smoking to be fine with that????
#zero escape#zero escape virtue's last reward#momento rambles#anyway i'm going through a cold and i'm thinking of dio so naturally i'm kinda irritated right now#like can someone please explain the logic to me here#it boggles my tiny mind how they just let this man just get away with everything it while we get dunked on the second we try#like idk maybe i'm just biased but i'd prefer sigma getting out alive more than that guy any day#you'd think the characters felt the same way but nah apparently. jesus#anyway just something that i remembered infuriating me in the game and is infuriating me now
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that ask abt hog singing made me wanna draw some karaoke bar scenario.... altho the thing w drawing characters singing is that it'll never be as interesting looking (??) as in ur head bc songs are way too long and comics dont have audio bhbjvhbjh anyway.
context is theyre "undercover" and "gathering intel for a heist" at a karaoke bar (aka junkrat just wanted to have some fun for the night); this is late in the evening after most everyone at the bar has gone back home, roadhog's probably had a bit much to drink & getting sentimental, idk.
#anyway imagine he's singing kinda off key and his voice is breaking but hes trying real hard#the song is the grants by lana del rey but idk its not rly crucial its just what im feelin at the moment lmao#idk im on a ldr kick for a sec. i always flip flop on finding her music either interesting or irritating djnfjdnf#ovw#overwatch#roadhog#mako rutledge#junkrat#jamison fawkes#comic#i guess idk
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sukuna and gojo use binding vows for sex, taking things like orgasm denials or touch deprivation steps further, where the other is contractually bound to not be able to do certain things, like touch themselves or touch the other etc etc
one such instance being a vow where gojo has a vibrator up his ass, but he can't touch himself or remove it, until sukuna specifically, pulls it out.
he keeps the vibe in throughout the day, with sukuna controlling it remotely, even as they both go throughout their separate days.
gojo goes to have his usual breakfast, and meets yuuji at the dining room, they greet and sit next to each other. yuuji is, as always, energetic and excited to see him
they make conversation, until gojo gives a jolt and starts twitching and huffing. sukuna has turned the vibrator up all the way. yuuji worries and panics and asks him what's wrong. gojo gives a breathy laugh and reassures him. he motions low and tells yuuji about the vibrator inside him, through sudden jolts and soft whimpers.
satoru complains about it, and yuuji advices to remove it or go and take care of himself.
except gojo states that he can’t and yuuji puzzles.
"it's... a pact—mmh!"
"a pact???" yuuji's voice rises in volume, but he visibly calms, shoulders dropping into a fond sigh. "sensei, you really are..." that's all he can manage to say. reprimand is useless. gojo likes it, yuuji is well aware, he is enjoying every second of this, even as he complains.
gojo gives a few odd jolts, undoubtedly an odd pattern of intensity from the vibe, yuuji can guess. sudden irregular ups and downs that are not taken well by the man.
satoru clicks his tongue. "what is that guy doing?" he actually looks irritated for a moment—a look yuuji doesn’t get to see often—until it’s broken with a sigh and his pleased, calm demeanor returns, mimicking the soft waves of pleasure across his thighs.
still, yuuji can see his hands crumpled at his sides, undoubtedly wishing to use them.
that's when satoru perks flares up all of a sudden.
"actually, yuuji,” he turns to look at him, grinning. “you can help me" he opens his legs and lifts the edges of his kimono, his dick peeking out the fabric. yuuji gulps at the sight. satoru motions to it, giving yuuji a wordless look. yuuji hesitates for a moment, but complies, taking his hand to the cock, and starts stroking.
satoru crumbles under the touch, immediately breathing out his nose and muffling moans. he leans into yuuji, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, fingers clasped in yuuji's kimono, nuzzling into his hair and whining in his ear.
satoru's sounds fluctuate in pitch and volume, making it known when his vibe's gotten stronger. yuuji keeps his pace and satoru spills in his hand. he twitches and sighs, soft breaths against yuuji's flushed ear.
yuuji stares at the cum in his hand.
"you can wipe it on me,” satoru tells him with a breath that's calmed much too fast. “my clothes are already soiled anyways". and yuuji feels bad for it, but he obeys nonetheless.
satoru takes a hand to yuuji's chin and turns his face to him and gives him a kiss. short and sweet.
"as a reward." he smiles at yuuji. the boy surprises but takes it happily, cheeks warm and eyes softened, albeit a bit timidly. a tinge of disappointment colors the edges of his face.
"you want more?" satoru brings his face to yuuji's again. the vibrations have reached a slight plateau, so his voice is steadier.
yuuji’s face widens a bit, but he nervously chuckles, pulling back from gojo's face. "no, it's alright," he lies. "i don't want sukuna to kill me"
but satoru’s already pulling into him, breathing into his lips. "i won't let him <3"
"that's...actually reassuring......" yuuji’s eyes flutter shut as satoru's lips meet his again.
and with that, they're kissing and slowly the vibrations and gojo’s twitching start again. satoru moves atop yuuji's lap to straddle him, and while they kiss, yuuji takes his hand between them and jerks him off again. satoru moans and gasps into his mouth, each jolt mirroring the pulses against his prostate.
they separate for gojo to bury his face in yuuji's shoulders, arms hugging his neck. he humps into yuuji's hand until he comes against him again.
he pants and huffs atop the boy, catching his breath. yuuji's gentle arms hold him, fingers rubbing slow circles at his back.
satoru's breathing calms against yuuji’s neck.
"yuuji, u're such a good boy."
yuuji's heart and dick swell.
#f.txt#scenario that has been plaguing my brain and i needed to share#just when they're done nobara and megumi come into the dining room#nobara twists her face. 'geh. itadori. taking advantage of a married man'#yuuji squints his eyes at her 'like u're one to talk'#nobara: still. at the breakfast table. could u be any more shameless#she says that but still makes her away to sit across them megumi following suit#megumi: go easy on him. it’s probably gojo-sensei’s doing anyways#gojo: oh megumi~ u know me so well#jjk#sukugo#yuugo#悠五#sukugoyuu#ns4w#the moment of random ups and downs is sukuna drawing out “satoru” in the vibrrator app bc he wants his gojo :c#meanwhile gojo's all irritated like 'what is wrong with him 😑' bby boy ur husband MISSES U#for context this is in my post-canon everyone lives au (well. one of them) where everything is good and happy and sukugo get married and#sukuna gets domesticated (?)#well more like. he's still bad and evil. but he's tamed i guess#he (begrudgingly) coexists with everyone else and behaves lmao#also everyone kinda lives together? it's a bit of a weird situation idk#anyways#this kinda made me want to write again. i havent written in so long#tho i suppose this does count as writing#i also have more stuff to add to this ill do some rbs !!
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does anyone else want to stick these two in the same room together or is that just me... i simply think they are adjacent in vibes... (+a bonus thing???)
get u a fictional guy that makes you feel like this... seeing these guys just evoke a Similar Kind of Brain Chemical and Response. Help Me.
also have bonus yosuke doodle featuring the same brushes used here...! from january 23rd, lol.
#fe3h#sylvain jose gautier#persona 4#yosuke hanamura#crossover#lizzy does art#umm... hi.... (looks away) this is cringe but i am free. what is life if not to draw your favorite characters together on the same canvas#for the record i do not intend to conflate these two as the same character because they are NOT#'lizz. what on EARTH do you see in these guys.' you know. i wish i could answer that. (actually. i can.)#experiencing both of these characters sent me into an absolute spiral of denial when i realized that i enjoyed them#Words Hard but Basically i think its fascinating how both sylvain and yosuke have like this happier front that they project outwards that-#masks the struggles that they don't want others to see... and while both of them do cringe shit thats incredibly stupid#both of these characters have shown themselves to have like?? actual braincells? (re: yosuke at the start of p4 + sylvain support convos)#granted the kinds of themes and messages each of them is meant to convey varies bc of the setting and stories they are in#the sylvain + yosuke pipeline.... oh also i think the fandoms tend to rationalize both of their behavior towards women as like.#a closeted bi case. it's kinda strange to me why they overlap in certain ways hm hm...#but its just so funny to me that like. idk. they're both unbearable. they irritating for a reason /s#i should really draw these two more often (in like separate illusts) they are so fun i love their color schemes and designs it sparks joy#ok ok god i had a lot more to say about that than i thought oops. um. yeah. i learned how to draw for stuff like this. worth itTM
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i'm in tears i was rewatching the ova and i replayed the ending scene a few times (i just love it so much okay) and i absolutely lost it at HOW FAR SHERLIAM WERE SITTING from louis and john likeeee
A WHOLE ASS PILLAR BETWEEN THEM I CAN'T BREATHE?!?!?
this shot makes it even funnier look at how big the pillar is BYE
i'm so curious about the order they went in like i feel like liam probably went first and sherlock went after to sit beside him but louis??? why was he sitting so far")£+-*@"😭😭😭 best guess is john pulled him to sit together bc no fucking way he'd sit that far from liam voluntarily(???)
#i love the ending scene in particular bc liam was obviously lying and he “let” sherlock knew he was lying and sherlock also just let#him lie it was kinda sweet idk 😭😭😭 i talk about this scene so much LOL but they just really respect each other and i love it#but this is sending me to orbit LMFAOOO#louis being irritated at sherlock not once but TWICE in this episode is so great they're pushing the agenda fr#chiaki are you happy. CHIAKI
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This isnt new or original at all but i gotta say some of my favorite characters are always those absolutely awful charismatic bastard villians who in fiction I enjoy but if I met in real live I would punt into the stars. Bonus points when they get their inevitable and extremely satisfying comeuppance and get their ass handed to them
#bill cipher#william afton#dr robotnik#good trio of these kinda guys#there are of course more#and this isnt like#anything new or original#as i said#but i think it should be reiterated#especially in an era when like people really struggle understanding that liking and enjoying a villain and depicting them as fun or likeable#does not in fact mean that you support anything that they are about#or that you wouldnt either punt them into oblivion or just quietly skulk away#idk its wild to me ive seen so many people getting angry about people liking bad characters#and obviously there are nuances and such but again we must recall fictional characters arent real#but yeah characters like these are like fucked up barbie dolls to me#fun to play with and pose and dress up and also somehow quite satisfying to rip their head off or watch their head get ripped off#i think the joker could also qualify but hes more dicey bc people cannot be normal about him#i think joker fanboys might be why this opposition to people enjoying villains comes from#welcome back to posts where an essay is hidden among my tags#i like the format it lets me ramble#uhh there are definitely more guys in here#the joker#and dont get me wrong i dislike certain villians too and it sometimes squicks me out to see people being so obessed with them even healthily#but like i just keep it to myself cause thats a me thing#belos definitely fits into this but only sometimes for me#sometimes i just get irritated seeing him but again#me problem therefore keep it to myself#this is so chronically online but yeah#jekyll and hyde#victor frankenstein
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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this#i’m so TIRED of themmmm#i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS#i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face#i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut#but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad#my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there#my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic#like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over#it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity#oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too#like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face#now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter#like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it#i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it#and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about#but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention#y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation#the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid#bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented#even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch#i��d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years#there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH
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OCD urge to take off my skin and wash it from the inside out and scrub it like a dirty rug until it feels clean
#toby talk#ocd#i tag it for ppl who might have the tag blocked#idk#i have so many scrabing products#and cleaning products#and it irritates my skin but it doesn't feel clean 😭😭😭😩#i need to schedule a therapist appointment prob#vent#???kinda idk im just complaining about my ocd#my skin is burning rn but i applied the soothing gel so its okay
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i had the surprising realization either earlier today or yesterday—ive been having a bad time with memory and time—that im probably having a depressive episode. so i guess there’s that to contend with
#not pjo#chitter chatter#shut up tea#I have depression and it kinda lingers but there’s a difference I think you know#it was this moment of like. oh. im depressed.#but not in like the really really sad way I usually get or really intense emotions#that just. empty low energy sadness#where I have no drive and everything irritates me#so yeah idk. I feel. not good.#ive queued a lot of random ass posts I don’t know what’s in there but for now I’ll just. post this one I think
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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