#idk im just super lonely right now??

[fappellmoan]

something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Hank McCoy’s sibling

Hank McCoy x sibling!reader

warnings:

a/n: i started writing this fic months ago and when i was halfway done mobile glitched and deleted the whole draft so i gave up out of rage anyways. i dont think i liked how it turned out but idk!

prompt: anonymous: “Hellooo !! First of all i have to say that i love your fics !! Second of all , i wanted to request a headcanon , with being hank mccoy’s little sister?? I was thinking that she is a mutant and she has powers like Wanda. It would be really cool to see is with the other x men. Also her age to be around 14 when the first movie sets place ?( Sorry if i didn’t explain it well)”

being a mutant who had just discovered their powers was hard

what was even harder was that your brother hank had to take you in when it happened

hank understood what it felt like to be different, and luckily he had a good enough job to support you

“just sit here and do your homework. quietly” -hank, seating you in his office at work

“what makes you think i wont be quiet?” -you

“you blew up the toaster this morning” -hank

“it burnt my toast” -you

“listen, okay? no one can no we are what we are. just be calm. if you need help on your homework, let me know” -hank

you spent a lot of time at hank’s work, which led to you two immediately being exposed by charles xavier when he waltzed into your lives

“oh, dear, you’ve just experienced your mutation recently. you’re a powerful one, but you can’t control it well. we can help with that” -charles

he quickly realized it was a mistake to comment on yours and your brother’s…issues

“no! no, y/n, it’s too dangerous. you’re in middle school, you have homework. im not letting him turn you into a soldier” -hank

if you couldn’t tell by now, hank was a bit anxious about raising you

after all, your powers weren’t much alike, he didn’t know how to navigate this

“i need to learn how to control them, or else im gonna hurt someone” -you

you didn’t understand what it felt like to look different, but he didn’t understand what it felt like to fear yourself

“who’s the kid?” -alex

“that’s my sibling, y/n” -hank

“what’s your power?” -alex

“it’s kind of…uncontrollable. i can’t show you” -you

“i know how that feels” -alex

“you do?!” -you

when alex finally revealed his power, it made you excited to show your energy blasts

you managed to keep them mostly contained and alex gave you a huge high five

“stay away from him, y/n. he’s not a good influence” -hank

“but we have similar powers. im not alone!” -you

“doesn’t mean you need to be friends” -hank

the rest of the gang was super sweet to you, but you had to remind them you were young, not little

“you’re probably the strongest out of all of us, kiddo” -raven

sean liked to pretend like you were super scary and cower whenever you looked at him

“no please dont hurt me!!!” -sean, convincingly but sarcastically

you became everyone’s little sibling

“admit it, we’ve never been closer” -you

“yeah, you’re right” -hank

“and we aren’t so lonely” -you

“that’s also true” -hank

“so why are you acting so protective and jealous” -you

“im just used to it being us two” -hank

“yeah but now we aren’t struggling, we have all this space to move around and time to focus on important things. i can finally use my powers without getting scared!” -you

“are you still keeping up with your schoolwork?” -hank

“stop worrying so much, hank” -you

regardless of his protests, you still geared up to fight and it infuriated him

what infuriated you was that he was blue

“what. the hell. did you do?” -you

“im the adult here, why are you in that suit. y/n’s not going on this mission. and watch your language!” -hank

you nearly gave him a heart attack, but by the end of the fight he was proud of you. truly.

for a short time, the remainer of the team stayed together

alex and you trained together often

“hey! only i can bully hank” -you

“oh, you’re making rules now?” -alex

“i am the boss around here” -you

charles admired how far you’d come

and hank was honestly grateful he wasn’t raising you alone

you continued your schooling and just as you graduated, charles offered you a job teaching at the school for gifted youngsters

but it shortly closed after that, leaving you without much of a purpose

“hank, i think i need to go off on my own” -you

“it’s too dangerous, y/n. you’re much better off here” -hank

“you mean with you and charles? two of the most self-hating mutants i know? charles is injecting himself with medication to stop his powers. medication YOU made. how long until you make one for me so im not so ‘dangerous’ anymore” -you

“what could you possibly do out there?” -hank

“i already got a job as a teacher, hank. i’m off to go live my life. call me if you need me” -you

he did call you later, rambling about a mutant from the future preventing a war or something. just that you needed to come back

“y/n, good to see you” -logan

“do i know you?” -you

“apparently he knows all of us” -charles

“thats not weird” -you, sarcastically

it’d been a while since you’d seen any action, so it was a little refreshing doing something like breaking into the pentagon

“after this, maybe we could go out sometime” -peter

“get away from them!” -hank

“i got this hank—kid, i’m too old for you” -you

“you’re barely five years older than me” -peter

“you’re seventeen. go away.” -you

you and hank laughed about it later

really, it was weird seeing erik and raven again. even charles with his shit together. it was like old times

you just wished it could stick

you left before any more damage could be done to your personal life and gave hank a big hug

“be safe. don’t do anything stupid” -you

“hey, thats what i was gonna say” -hank

you went back to your life and soon got a call from charles

a job offer, the school was opening again

“come home, y/n. hank misses you” -charles

it took some convincing, but you came back

and maybe this time things would be different

you got your classes and were ready to start teaching a new generation of mutants the way you wished you were taught

(sorry i cut this short i ran out of ideas 😭)

taglist: @locke-writes // @randomawesomeperson102 // @captainshazamerica // @dindjarinsspouse // @summersimmerus // @simp-legend // @nekoannie-chan // @groovy-lady // @deanzboyfriend // @mr-mxyzptlk-1940 //

[saursoob]

can you do a bf!yeonjun apologizing after an argument? please make it super fluffy!

❤︎ |i love you much more| ❤︎

yess ofc anon!! idk if this good enough but pls enjoy 💗

warnings: y/n is a overthinker, yeonjun refers to y/n as “pretty girl”

@saursoob reblogs r okay! please don’t repost

you and your bf yeonjun haven’t been hanging out much as of recently now that he’s been traveling for tour. you’ve been very supportive of his job but its been lonely. when you first started dating it was bearable but the more you got used to him in your life that started to change.

but you can imagine how ecstatic you were when you found out he was he finally coming home. you decided to get ready, putting on some light makeup even though it was late. you and yeonjun had been together for a over a year now but you still wanted to look your nice for him as its been a while since you’ve last seen him. as you were getting ready you received a text from your bf, yeonjun: “y/n im not going over today im super tired. ily” you pouted at his text feeling upset that he wasn’t coming but more confused if anything “he always comes over and “ily?” why didn’t he say the whole word?” ultimately you decide to push your thoughts away and respond back. y/n: “its alright. rest well!”

-

the next morning you text him to hopefully make up for the previous day of him not going to see you. y/n: “junnie come over today! i miss youu”

yeonjun: “i have a busy schedule today but ill try.” your heart sank at his cold laced tone. why is he being so weird? if hes mad at me he should just tell me. you sigh and put down your phone, scrolling on netflix to watch something to make you feel better

more under cut!!

hours later you hear a knock on your door, you secretly hoped it was your boyfriend even though you’re slightly mad at him. “hey” he says while you open the door, it was him. he goes in for a hug, barely even touching you when he does but you didn’t say anything.

“why are you here?” you asked him. silence filled the room as he went to lay down on your couch, taking out his phone and mindlessly scrolling on it. you looked at him in disbelief, aggravated on why he was acting like this. “yeonjun, are you mad at me or something?” you tried to keep your voice composed but failed to, your words coming out shaky.

“why would i be mad at you?” yeonjun says, not fully paying attention to you still looking at his phone.

“i dont know? yesterday you didn’t come over to see me which you never do, didn’t even bother to call but instead texting me and not even saying i love you properly?! and now you are here but you don’t even hug me properly either?? yeonjun, you were gone for so long leaving me here to miss you but you don’t even seem like you’ve missed me! ” you got so angry that unknowingly you started tearing up.

yeonjun immediately focused all his attention to you, standing up to face you. cupping your face with his hands and wiping a tear with his thumb, “darling, please don’t cry. im sorry i didn’t even realize that i didn’t hug you properly.” he says in a soft spoken voice while going in to hug you tightly.

“yesterday i was so jet lagged that i just went home ready to knock out for the night. i know this is no excuse for it but work has been so tough lately, tour’s, dance practice, schedule, interview appearances. its just a lot but please y/n i’ve missed you so much.”

he says while softly lifting your jaw for you to look at him “i’ve missed you more than anything, so please don’t think that i didn’t.”

you answer looking away from him, “yeonjun, could’ve have slept here.”

“i know and im sorry babe i wont do it again i promise.” he says leaving a peak on your nose

“lets make up for it right now, yeah?” yeonjun leads you to your bedroom, laying down first and patting on his chest signaling for you to lay down on him, you do as he signaled, getting comfortable on his chest.

“you know this isn’t gonna make up for it choi yeonjun” to which he chuckles at, “mmm i know, what if i make you breakfast in bed in the morning lovely?” you cant help but light up at his comment “you’re staying the night?! you don’t have any schedules in the morning tomorrow?”

“nope” he smiles looking down at you “you did say i have to make it up to you, right?”

after a while of being in the comfort of his chest and hearing his heartbeat yeonjun suddenly sighs deeply, playing with your hair. “you have no idea how much i love you y/n.” making you smile in a sleepy haze

“ i love you much more, yeonjun.”

!! reblogs are vv appreciated !!

ENDD!! im actually so nervous to post this since im not that confident in my writing but if you enjoyed thank you so much 😣 <33

[shygirl4991]

SMG3 Sussy Notebook

ima tag smg3 sussy notebook spoilers and have the pics of the notebook under read more so you can pick if ya wanna see the notebook! These are highlights and not every page!

now that we have the pw for club penguin we can all log in and get all the cool skins, honestly i feel if mario just guess the password it wouldnt take him long to get it xD be faster then stealing the notebook and all

ah yes the start of the worlds longest slowburn its a super funny thought that right out the usb he gets his notebook and goes this bitch here ima make him my life rival

oh shit shout out to these two that showed up in SMG3 Gauntlet of gloom

suuuure buddy keep telling yourself that, seems even tho SMG3 marked him as his rival and hated him over what happen in college he still wanted to hang out with 4 and be friends but its not like he cares or anything...baka!

lmao the censor on what happen in the igloo ah yes nothing but hugging happen there nothing to M rated xD im guessing the real book in universe might have it a bit more detail given the big deal it was for wotfi 2023

we really dont talk about that hug

did...did i call it in my fic that this man legit is crazy about beans and hot sauce im dying i guess when your the bad guy with low budget for food you get use to the good classic beans and hot sauce

oh honey thats not how that works xD this man is smart but also oh so dumb i think he gets that from his avatar that and he is a few years fresh from the usb Update: @alianarepasa let me know its from a mad max episode i manage to miss it was a fun watch and now i understand what this means xD these peeps really went wild without internet poor toad

pifft im guessing he has masters degree specialized in psychology? other wise idk how he is a psychologist and he seems to be a good one from what we have seen but who knows he could be bullshitting his way through how evil xD

both our boys are ready to ride forklifts into the sunset someone draw this please xD

im laughing i guess SMG3 isnt much a fan of boopkins but seems he really enjoys being with the crew he wont say it but im sure he is a happy bean to finally be with the cool kids after years of being jealous.

he says but give this man eggdog or eggdog memes and he becomes Tari in a second

hey lads we found the page from SMG4 We Dont Talk About What Happened in the Elevator

he wants a castle but ended up with a sick lair in a coffee shop i think thats better!

okay putting my shipping heart away this is so interesting to me like he starts off thinking 4 is a loser and makes him his rival then gets jealous he has these friends and he isnt apart of them. We know SMG3 is lonely and lost as he doesn't know his purpose before becoming lord of the graveyard now being apart of the crew and now knowing who is he, SMG3 is much happier and closer to the crew. But the way he writes this feels like he likes the close contact with 4 and while he doesnt want to admit it could it be he legit does have romantic feelings? idk i feel these past episodes and this part really gets me thinking they have something here to really make smg34 canon naturally and not have the way they act with each other be to different might go more into this later.

this sparks joy thank you for including this and thats it for my ted talk thanks for reading again this is just my highlights i dont want to post the whole notebook here just stuff that gets my mind going!

[love-toxin]

ok hear me out - fruity four but with a ‘good friend’ reader who knows they’re poly (aka we all have a crush on you hngghhg pls let us love u pls)

ok so, maybe someday, readers feeling a little more emotionally vulnerable, and while on the topic of nighttime routines, when it comes to ur turn, ur like “oh yea i get ready in like, complete silence, lol im so in my own head, I’ll go through the motions of braiding my hair so it doesn’t get in my face, filling my hot water bottle up bc im icicle cold, filling my drinking bottle up cus i wake up randomly super thirsty, making sure i do alllll of my skincare and maybe get a little snacky snack” and they’re all like 😍😍 yeah? until you end the little explanation with “a lot of the time, i pretend someone else is just doing all of that for me, yknow, like taking care of me and being all soft and not forgetting a step, like I pretend that my heads just empty and I don’t have to think, but then when it comes to sleep-bed-time, it makes me a little sad when I realise that no one’s actually there to cuddle me to sleep, so I try not to do that anymore! :)”

and they’re all like??? mortified. horrified. their sweet, sweet ‘friend’ (dear god pls like us pls) is all alone??“ur lonely? :(“ but reader so immediately denies it like nope. me? no ofc not im just extra soft and sensitive sometimes so it helps to pretend it’s someone else - pretend silly!!

and then it begins. Eddie hands you a water bottle. Normal, until he insists, quite silently, to be the one holding it while u drink from it, tilting his head down to ask a little “enough?” when he senses ur done

and then there’s that one time when nancys going through ur wardrobe after turning up at the ass crack of dawn and ur still half asleep in ur pjs, “looking” for a sweater she coulda sworn she left here that one time, just for her to slyly build your outfit for the day, all casual like “hey, here u go, and I’m gonna do ur hair this way too, could help u put it on if ur still sleepy? :)”

steve knowing ur indecisive - he use to not wanna make u uncomfy and overstep by being a bit dominant and assuming how you’d want things, but now has no qualms abt take out. the usual back and forth over “what do u wanna eat” “idk steve, u decide” “well idk what I fancy, what do u fancy” “I’ll have whatever Steve i promise” and when u do decide on a place, the whole other back and forth over what to actually order.

So now he just lets you know with a soft smile like “just ordered a chicken korma in, made sure to get u that nice mango chutney and a couple poppadoms, we’re watching greese too in a sec :)” and u feel.. weirdly safe. comforted? u can’t put ur finger on it so u try not to dwell on the feeling.

robin gets so touchy. they all like to be touchy with eachother, and at this point ofc are as touchy as they dare with you, but my god robin kicks it up so many notches. thinks nothing of biting u. which the first time she does it ur all like “ 0-0 huh?” until she explains that she cant sit still and ur literally right there so she’s naturally gonna get all chompy, and ur nice enough to be like “ohhhh alright” cus it’s not like she’s doing anything heinous, it’s just one of her quirks, right? always putting her legs over urs until she can find a way to get urs on her own, leaning into ur side until she can casually figure out how to make u do the same.

oh god. a sleepover. the thing they’ve been building up for. All of this? layered on THICK. you know they’ve been meticulously planning every single step of the night and planning everyone’s roles

(so so so many disagreements cus Eddie and Robin both wanna braid ur hair, but nancys the only one who actually knows how to braid. or Steve and Eddie fighting tooth and nail over who gets to do ur skincare until they decide that Steve can do all the washing and Eddie gets to do the nice soft pat pat pat towel drying)

They try and be smooth abt it but ofc it’s so different to other sleepovers. and u sorta just let them do it. u feel so selfish but it’s like.. the second Steve and Eddie pull u into the bathroom and Eddie picks up ur toothbrush to do ur teeth before ur facewash, u tear up a little. u feel selfish for indulging in their kindness but don’t wanna stop them. u wanna be cuddled by them all to sleep so badly but also not overstep relationship boundaries

WOOOOOF!!!! WROW!!!! IM......MELTING......no,, I'm too soft for this, im......sobs.....

being so vulnerable with them and getting rewarded for it.....it's like laying a present in their laps--they've loved you so much for so long, they've always wondered what they could do to show that, and now you've just dropped the answer right in front of them without even realizing it. them hoping you realize what they're doing when they fulfill all those dreams of yours, when they care for you down to the littlest detail, but in some ways they almost hope you don't, because it's almost better to watch you be so shy around them when they're doing things for you and be moved nearly to tears when they insist on taking away any stress you might be subject to. and then you feel selfish, you worry you're getting in the way of their relationship, and all four of them know they have to make it clear to you that you're one of them. they've just gotten what they wanted--to dote on you and be the ones you rely on completely--and they're not letting that go because of some silly worry you have of taking advantage of them. you could never do that, ever, they can promise you that.

[liauditore]

For the ship bingo, perhaps ethubs or boatboys?

sorry it took so long to get to this i got so excited someone asked me to talk abt ethubs i went into a coma 😭😭

Ethubs

um uhh umerm ethubs yeah etho and bdubs and last life and mindcrack UHCs and eyah yknow um yeah

you know that one post that's like "inside my head is a five page essay with footnotes and when i speak it's just ouhghh blorbo he is so shaped". that's me with ethubs. not even kidding ethubs is the ship that made me finally "get" shipping in general, mcyt or not. i. words. i care them.

and uh there's. not rlly anything i can say i think that my ethubs moots haven't already said? They've been friends forever, they play off eachother super well, "he loves me", they're both so obsessed and in need of eachother but at the same time would rather eat raw, unpicked cactus than admit that, etc etc they're so unwell

im just gonna skip on over to the song lyrics bit cus i. they make my brain short circuit i cant even sentences.

The scarlet summer is gone and peaceful gray is draping the city Alone, I reach out for you to hold me tight, shivering Always the days spent with you warmed my heart and kept me from freezing Although I knew they were gone forever But in my pain, to me you came like the warmest breeze "On nights so cold I know you need some company."

Though only in lonely and freezing times, we held each other close to keep from feeling hopeless nothings And now again I can see summer fast approaching like a storm that there's no stopping Repeating in a cycle Like our mistakes

My love for you is endless, just like the deepest sea And like the ocean blue your complications speak to me I've come to understand you, your parts and inner workings My sun only in winter Only when I need you or else you won't need me

Leave you in Summer, Yet You're In My Fluffthoughts (Ashe translyrics) (sidenote this might be one of my favourite music videos of all time)

Falling so deeply while clinging to love But even so, I feel my heart and it’s floating up above Your true face, such a passionate one, shows your beauty, coming in a flood True, all of our short-lived youth will someday come to end Ah, even so, in my view, it starts right now, yet again

And every day, I found I prayed for you to be always full of happiness that remains Ah, just like this, please wait right by my side, please stay

Tablet (Will Stetson / sayriris translyrics) (after watching LL the first thing i did was make a MV to this song with LL Bdubs and it was still the most insane thing ive ever done fuelled by pure gargoyle inspiration juice)

I wouldn't say they're ~~Divorced~~ quite yet cus Idk if they were ever really married as much as just plain endlessly obsessed with eachother, which they still are. But they definitely broke up lmao

but yeah uh their chemistry is great. bdubs said it best. they've been thru the trenches together.

Boat Boys

Thankfully much less thoughts about these two or else this post would get way too long lmao. I like them but I'm not too insane about them I guess? Etho's very awkward near people he isn't used to which was fun to watch but made their interactions kind of limited for a lot of DL I feel.

Joel's obsession with Etho is hilarious and seeing Bdubs get jealous of his #1 ethogirl status getting challenged is great fun. He's definitely gone through a bit of an arc from "I KILLED ETHO! I KILLED ETHO!!" in Last Life to "Eefo D:< You're making me nervous, eefo D:<" in Double Life to whatever the cow divorce situation was in Limlife. It seems like Etho's otherworldly status has been nerfed in his head and he's much less intimidated by him, while still admiring him in that 'childhood hero' sorta way.

I think because of that I've always seen them a little bit as more of a mentor/prodigy relationship than anything else? Specifically one that Etho is not even aware he's in. Eitherway, I don't really ship them in the romantic sense 🤷‍♂️ etho's just way too aloof and joel's got too much fangirl energy for it to be anything intimate lol

[angelpuns]

sibling storys get me too, i think its cuz i grow up as an only child and then suddenly at age 15 i got a brother, so we arent exatly close. so like family thing tmnt is another example.

oh man john dory, i get it he was a bit of an ass and he desivered the backlash but now that everything is on the upside and that he sees the error of his ways things will be better! im weirdly like branch, im very sarcastic

ok ok so about cricket! tell me this lore! since its sad does he loss his colors at some point?

-🤖

Damn that's rough ;-; I'm only 6 years apart from my lil sibling and I still feel like we aren't v close ;-;

JD def needed to get that perspective, I really hope he gets to relax at some point and not feel like he HAS to be that way, ya know? He's reminding me a bit of Raph when he has his breakdown before the big shreddie fight ;-;

( also I gave Cricket pronouns so sorry if this gets confusing: he/him/it/its/bug/bugself )

He actually doesn't! So what happened is that he used to be a pop troll and lived in the tree ( so like pre-all the movies basically.) It got super overstimulated all the time by all the pop everything + had huge bergen anxiety ofc and one day he just exploded on everyone, including his family, and decided that it should be alone. Forever.

So, he left to live in the woods. Bug actually visited some of the other trolls just to see what was out there, but decided those places weren't right for it either. It did make some friends along the way tho!!

Anyway so Cricket made a choice to live in the woods alone. Forever. It lives in a cottage that it built inside a hollowed out tree trunk and sometimes bug gets lonely but he knows its for the best. He doesn't want to explode like that because he knows how scary it was for his lil sibling and family. So its gonna stay there forever :)

So that's the gist of it - I think Cricket will eventually go back to the troll tree or smthn, idk yet.

But here's some back story doodles:

Pre-forest:

Him and Floyd were friends cause I love Floyd :)

[malewifesband]

trying to go back and actually write this scene w kabru and rin. my stupid illness is worse again so im struggling but id like thoughts if anyone has them. on like any aspect

to establish: i feel like kabru takes rin for granted like by far the person he seems to treat worst is her. hes not a terrible person for this no way but like the way he teases her about liking him despite having no feelings for her ... idk i feel like he counts on rin always being there. like nothing could push her away so he feels he can be a bit cruel and hell be forgiven--not like she doesnt rag on him all time, right?

but i think things change when he falls in love. like it finally hits rin that man, its never going to be her. shes watched him date around for years, and never truly fall for someone, so there was always that hope that one day hed just realize how he really felt about her. and now she cant delude herself thats true, she can just fuckin tell how bad he has it for laios after spending two years living between the castle and her apothecary. she starts trying to breakaway from him, because every time she talks to him theres a reminder that he loves someone who isnt her.

feeling especially pathetic one night, she sees marcille, who is also feeling especially pathetic bc falin is still over a year away from her and enjoying their open relationship, but marcille doesnt. she cant bring herself to want anyone but falin. rins like ok bet. we are the same kind of pathetic and i dont like you but youve also been nothing but nice to me and im not reconciling these feelings. lets have sex

the scene im struggling with comes after

like rin is in the garden again, hoping that marcille will come. she didnt feel lonely when she was with marcille. she felt... special. more seen. she didnt think about how she misses kabru even when hes with her.

but ofc kabru is seeking her out bc he just really fucked up with laios.

she tells him, yeah man, super your fault for pressing the bruise after fuckin kissing him and then refusing to talk about it. everybody knows the dude does not want to get married and have heirs why did u like agree with his dads letter that he has a duty to sire children

she really doesnt want to talk to him about this. she wants him to need her like she needs him--she doesnt want to need him like she does. and she doesnt want to help him fall in love with someone else, but its like he doesnt even realize whats happening.

kabru insists the kiss was nothing, and he shouldnt talk about it with laios bc he was just drunk its just... he wants laios' full trust. and its weird, but sometimes he pictures laios as girl and something about that works. but its a weird wishful thinking bc kabru wants to get thru this barrier they have where (kabru feels) laios feels like he cant trust him bc kabru is good liar and laios cant read ppl. like maybe if they shared something that intimate, them both being trans, theyd understand each other completely

rin doesnt really know what to make of any of that. it feels like further rejection. like it just feels obvious to her that no matter what, he loves laios. and that thorny feeling of jealousy is spiraling around her heart. maybe she says something cruel, gives terrible advice bc she feels so hurt that he cant see how sincere her jealousy is, that he cant see how it hurts her to hear him in love with someone else?

im not super sure where to take the scene from there. i know i want it to end with kabru feeling worse about laios and deciding to avoid him, but without him realizing that rin is purposefully pulling away yet. (he'll realize that later, when laios is the one to tell him she and marcille and seeing each other and he didnt even know. and he'll have to address then that hes taken her friendship for granted)

any thoughts on the kinds of things she might say? or might tell him? i feel like theres an obvious solution im just missing

[gerandor]

I just had the sudden realization that Lazslo and Nadja's storylines point to them having kids??? With Nadja trying to be free of the hex, she needs descendents, the need of dolly to lose her vcard, the little antipaxos and Lazlo's intents to create something with Guillermo's fluids, him going out in the sun, the 'this one was pregnant' in the last episode and Colin remembering him as his daddy. Also, Nadja saying she wouldn't mind dying cause she is having a bad time and the Baron talking about having the right company for eternity. Something is coming for Lazslo and Nadja i just know.

Now that is a wild idea. But while im not sure if all of these things you mentioned are pointing to that possibility as a plot point, i admit that some of them were actually kinda weird and may in fact be pointing to something

Like colin remembering being a kid felt kinda out of place? Nadja and nandor were talking about the signs that Laszlo wasn’t his usual self and suddenly we have colin just casually talking about being a kid and laszlo being his dad? This show isn’t known for continuity and tbh i thought they were just going to forget the whole thing. But no? What was the point of letting us know colin remembered? It wasn’t exactly a funny scene so i think it was put there for plot purposes.

And then we had nadja suddenly feeling suicidal? That came out of nowhere and just went away just as quickly. Like yes, there’s the hex (or is there?) and nadja is trying to remove it, but we don’t really see her life that much affected by it? I mean with nandor in s3, we had so many warnings and signs of depression. He was shown to be immensely lonely and in search of sth that kept eluding him. We saw him struggle. We saw him try to feel better. We saw him join a cult and hurt himself and feel abandoned by the ppl he thought were his friends and then be put in a cage by them. It just made sense when he said he was going to super slumber. But nadja suddenly saying what’s the point of living? Idk that didn’t feel right to me. It surprised me. I wasn’t expecting her to say sth like that and for her to move on from it that quickly. So unless they’re going somewhere with that, i think it was just a very odd thing for nadja to say.

Also. All of these experiments have to lead to something. All of these secrets that laszlo is keeping from everyone. I thought the reason Laszlo was unresponsive in ep8 had sth to do with that concoction we saw him drink. But they just brushed past the whole thing. I have a feeling Laszlo hadn’t been truthful. He’s just that kind of character you know? But i have no idea where all of this is going.

And tbh. I thought the baron’s line was referring to nandor and guillermo as the whole episode was centered around their relationship. And we know how much nandor longs to have someone by his side the way nadja and laszlo do.

[dayfaresthenight]

Jackie's Bio!!!

(TWs for disassociation, Substance abuse, suicide, and allusions, but no explicit mentions of NSFW topics.) Blue is Jackie, Black is Me.)

Name: Jackie!!!

Alt Names: Moriarty!!! (Aculia)

Special Titles: The Grand Archmage, The Mage In The Tower, the Woman behind the curtain, the heroine of Archalia!

Username: JackieMoriarty111

Nicknames: Jack, "That bitch.".

Chronological Age: 18 Physically. Timeloops have distorted her mind, lost track of the plot a whiles ago.

Age: 20 (I stopped aging when I finished the story!)

Pronouns: Any/All, IDC honestly!!! Lean more feminine though.

Sexuality: Pansexual

Gender: Cisgender

Species: 100% Human!~

Disorders: None!!! (Bipolar Depression, C-PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, Impostor Syndrome, Pathological Lying, Hypersexuality)

Physical Disabilities: None!!! (Underweight, Chronic Pain in Right Arm, Poor Vision)

Active Addictions: I dunno! I'm willing to try about anything, but I wouldn't call myself addicted to it. (She gets addicted very easily.)

Religion: God is just a fancy word for "OP."

Job: Scholar, Mage Tutor, Super Evil World destoryer

Major: Arcane Studies! (Never got to finish it.)

Lives in: My cool tower!!!

Languages: English, Angelic, Demonic, Feyish, uuuuuuh, a few ciphers… know I'm forgetting something… Oh yes, French!

Height: 5'2

Regular: Caucasian Human

Accent: Like one of those really loud annoying anime dub girl voices!!! (A somewhat soft English accent, when she isn't faking it.)

Powers: Astral Projection, Time Manipulation, Puppetering, Elemental Magic, Character Creation, Illusions, Alchemy… A few other things too, but why would I tell everything to you?

Weaknesses: None!!! I'm too strong!!! (Her old memories, warding seals, emotionally stable people.)

Weapons: None! (Because she stinks at physical combat.) (NO, I DON'T!!!!)

Wands: Uhhh, which do you need? I have a lot of them.

Alignment: Chaotic Good (formerly Lawful Good.)

Text Color: BLUE!!!

Main Hobbies: I like learning about new magic, long walks on the beach, puppeteering, traveling to new worlds, and alchemy! Sometimes I'll even dress up as NPCs in worlds and pretend to be a regular person.

Favorite Food: Donuts!

Favorite Flower: Roses (…)

Scent: Smells like Grapes! And maybe a little bit of Ash too…

Handedness: Right!

Blood Color: Red! Duuuh.

Awareness: VERY AWARE!!! AND ITS VERY VERY VERY POSITIVE ON ME!!! (Effect: Very Negative.)

Birthday: JUNE 21ST! Theme:

Playlist:

Fun Facts: People make up all kinds of lies about me all the time; don't listen to them. (Refuses to acknowledge anything past a certain point in her life.)

Special Interests: Magic, Chess, High Fantasy, Writing

Stims: jumping up in the air, screaming, twisting

Stimboard: Maaaaybe

Moodboard: ^

Fashion Board: ^ Comfort Objects: None! (Her Favorite Staff: Aculia.)

Family: Doesn't matter!!! They are all long gone anyway.

Friends: Doesn't matter!!!!

Romance: Idk if she'd put it in the same catagory, but Are Yoru and I get along a lot!!!

Enemies: I think about 50% of the universe are my enemies right now. I dunno how I'm not dead yet, honestly.

Brief Personality: OH!!! IM SUPER FUN TO BE AROUND!!! That's literally all you need to know!!!

Jack is a very emotionally unstable person. Most of the time, they act extremely chipper, happy, and "Extra," putting on an over-exaggerated persona. However, the moment things don't go their way, they can snap on a twig—turning into a rather nasty and unstable individual.)

Jack is extremely manipulative, and almost everything they say tends to be a lie or an attempt to further some kind of agenda. (Treat every single one of their words like it's prime cut Grade-A bullshit.)

Jack is an extremely lonely person as a result, as much as they try to deny it. There is a deep void in them that they are trying to fill with anything they can possibly think of, often leading to them burning any and all bridges they can make.

(Some part of her wishes someone would just finally snap and get rid of the problem.)

Brief Backstory:

Nope!

Aculia comes from a storybook called "Tales of Archalia," written by a man named Daniel Crane. It was a tale as old as time—The Evil Witch Jackelyn had captured the rulers of the world, planning on destroying it. She had to go through many different twists and challenges. Blah blah blah, you know the story by now.

With her and her three friends, she had ventured to the top of the tower and done it. They had bested the witch; they had saved the day! And so everyone lived happily forever after…

But, over time, Aculia began to become… bothered. She noticed things didn't change any more. The same people with the same routines, the same dialogue, and even the same patterns every day.

It started off small. Her being less polite to people or ignoring her party members coming to visit. This caused a change. Almost as if the world itself was forced to, people began to act differently. The pre-set patterns they had gone under altered. Finally, after weeks, something new…!

That was the key. She just had to try different things, and everything would be peachy! They'd get back to their grand old adventures, and she would stop being so… bored.

What turned into a few small stunts here or there quickly turned into bad habits—using Alchemy to create hard substances, indulging in the unspoken pleasures of life, and whatnot, and so forth. This sudden change in personality deeply worried her friends, who attempted to comfort her.

For some reason though, their words rang more… hollow than usual, though. She couldn't quite put why, but something just didn't feel right about this place anymore. It felt too happy, too colorful—too cheerful. So... Fake...?

...

"Aculia, look—I know you don't want to talk right now, but… we were really worried about you. #u*#$ Said he found you passed out at the tavern the other day."

"Yeah!!! I don't know what's gotten into you recently, but knock it off. Your really freaking us out!!!"

"If something is troubling your heart, please tell us. We are always here for you."

"Please… were really… really scared… talk to us… please talk to us."

"I said I don't want to talk."

"Aculia, please-"

She-

"I SAID, I DON'T WANT TO TALK!!!"

…I ran away after that. My mind was in such a haze that I didn't know what to do. I hadn't known what to do for months now. It was just always the same until I did something bad, then it would change again.

I stumbled towards the old tower and began to walk around it. It was empty, empty as always. All that remained was the witch's old staff. I picked it up and examined it…

A scroll compartment??? I wonder what she kept in it.

i- no- i- this has to be a lie. but, its- how would she know that info about me- why is it all just there... nonono please

please

she couldn't of been- no she couldn't of been telling the truth

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! I REFUSE I REFUSE I RE-

That's when I realized. No wonder it all felt fake. Because it was fake! Everything around me was always fake. It was just someone's writing, and that person had left me to rot at a dead end. No actual conclusion or anything; nothing for me to go forward to. Just… THE END! He left me to ROT!!!!

Well, you thought I was going to take that one lying down? Nope! Nope, NOPE! I didn't! I broke out of that prison, and all it cost me was everyone I ever cared about. A small price to pay. That witch was right in the end; I did need to destroy the world to be free!

And when I finally got out, I discovered something incredible!!! So many worlds, so many people to help liberate. So many are doomed to their fixed fates in the narrative. I knew that I could help them—if I just took the strings and pulled them in their favor, things would change!

As long as I keep on trying to make things change, one day I'll feel happy! I mean, I'm already happy, but one day, I'll

I'll- YEAH! Anyways, eventually, I found the guy who had left me to rot. I gave him a book that let him see the truth, and then proceeded to trap him in it. He thinks he's free, but I'm the one in control for once!

Thats right, I won! I have all the cards in my hands! ME! I am the one on the stage! I'm not lonely! I'm happy! I'm GREAT! I'm fantastic! I'm-

I-

Why do I still feel so empty…?

And so she drifts throughout the universe, searching for more people to "free." But in the end, is freedom really worth it when there is nothing to enjoy?

I suppose that is a question for you to ask yourself, dear reader.

[turcott3]

Picking up the pieces ~ Alex Turcotte

alex turcotte x fem!reader

warnings: nothing major: cursing, heartbreak, angst->fluff, mentions of sex

idk why there’s a community label

~

“i didn’t know what to tell you.” trevor said trying not to raise his voice at you. you’d found out that he was talking to some influencer named dixie while also talking to you.

“trevor you knew this would upset me if i had found out you should’ve just told me so i could let you go.” you yell, tears threatening to spill. your feelings for trevor had grown tremendously, more than you ever admitted to him.

“y/n, i like you, i still do but i like talking to her too.”

“no trev, this is over. whatever we had it’s fucking over. i’m not just an option.” i say letting the tears finally escape as i grab my bag and keys and bolt out his door, running into a body on my way out.

“oh im sorry i did- oh my gosh y/n?” you hear a familiar voice speak up. it was alex.

“oh uh, hey alex.” you say quickly wiping my tears away. you and alex had become friends since you started talking to trevor but were never really super close. maybe that could change.

“woah, are you ok?” he asks grabbing onto your arm before you could walk away.

“i ended things with trevor, he’s talking to some chick named dixie.” you say and feel his demeanor change.

“that fuckhead i told him to tell you and he refused. look, im so sorry y/n, please text me if you need anything at all. you deserve so much better. i’m heading to his apartment right now, i won’t tell him i saw you.” he says kindly before releasing your arm.

“thank you alex, i definitely will let you know. that’s really kind of you” you say with a small smile threatening to spread on your face. you had never noticed the warmth in his eyes. he smiles at you and bids you good bye as he disappears around the corner to trevor’s door.

-

later that night, back in your apartment, you remember what alex had told you. at this point it had been a few hours and you hoped alex wasn’t there anymore so you could talk.

y/n: hey, are you still at trevor’s?

a: yeah i am what’s up?

y/n: i was just needing to talk abt everything, no worries

a: no i’m all ears, send me your address

you did as you were told and sent him your address, not being so sure about how he was planning on explaining to trevor why he was leaving. about 10-15 minutes later your phone buzzes on the couch and you pick up.

“hey im here, can you come let me in?” he asks through the phone.

“yeah of course.” you say as you hang up the phone and head down stairs to the door, seeing a lone alex, looking down at his phone. you open the door and he looks up and smiles.

god those dimples.

“hey.” he smirks, grabbing the door from your hand holding it open for you as you lead him back to your home.

“so what do you need to get off your chest?” he asks making himself comfortable on your couch.

“what do i not have to get off my chest at this point? you’re one of the few people that knew my feelings for trevor and my heart literally just got shattered over some stupid bitch who can’t sing. obviously she has something i don’t, clearly she’s better than me in, well i guess every way.” you express, rushing through your words and choking on the last ones holding back your cries.

“woah hey, calm down. slow down.” alex says standing up walking towards you as you paced the living room. he places his hands on your biceps and you take a deep breath together.

“i just want to know why i’m not good enough for him.” you frown as a tear exits your eye. alex frowns and releases your arms.

“you are good enough for him, he’s just stupid. he’s so stupid to pick someone like her over someone like you. in fact i’d say you’re too good for him.” alex says wiping the tear from your cheek. instinctively, you latch yourself onto him, holding him tight while hard sobs wrack your body. hesitantly, he wraps his arms around you, shushing your harsh cries into his chest. he caresses his thumb on the back of your head until your sobs ran quiet and he pulls away.

“i’m sorry that was a lot to put on you.” you say stepping away from him.

“no it wasn’t at all don’t worry.” he smiles, fixing the neck of your shirt. you had never spent this much alone time with alex, yet you didn’t know why you hadn’t. he made your heart warm. made you feel like you mattered. a feeling you’d unknowingly craved over the last few months.

“will you stay here with me?” you ask, nervously grabbing onto the hands that hung by his sides.

“yeah of course.” he replies, tightening his grip on your hands. you let go of one and walk hand in hand back over to your couch where you both sat. he tucked you under his arm delicately as you got on your phone, avoiding instagram like the plague. you had a handful of texts from trevor trying to convince me to stay, which you ignored, and a few texts from jamie about the show you were watching together. your eyes grew heavy as alex watched whatever he put on the tv, dozing off leaning your head on his shoulder.

-

you wake up the next morning in your bed and confused. you didn’t remember walking in here and you don’t remember alex leaving. you look over and see your phone charging on your night stand.

a: you fell asleep so i brought you to bed and plugged your phone in

y/n: omg i’m so sorry, thank you for doing that you didn’t have to

you replied and unplugged your phone, placing it under your pillow and shutting your eyes waiting for a reply. you didn’t want today to happen. it’s your first day without trevor in about 3 months. the thought of not being around him broke your heart all over again.

a: will i didn’t want you to wake up with a sore neck and a dead phone. i crashed on the couch last night i hope that’s ok

your phone buzzed. you walk out into the living room and see alex laying there on his phone.

“morning.” you speak quietly. he puts his phone down on his chest and looks at you.

“good morning y/n.” he smiles. waking up to your ex-situationship’s best friend is something you never thought would bring you joy but it did. alex made you smile. you walk around the edge of the couch to join him. before you sat down next to his head, he grabs on to your hand and pulls you over to him, signaling for you to lay on his chest. hesitantly, you accept and lay down gently on his chest.

“how are you feeling this morning?” he asks brushing the hair out of your face.

“not great honestly, it’s really fresh still.” you say holding back your tears yet again.

“that’s ok, i’m here for you. you deserve to have someone y/n.” he replies.

“it just makes me sad, i don’t know what i was doing wrong.”

“you weren’t doing anything wrong, you were doing everything right in my opinion. you put your entire heart into that relationship and i saw it. you deserve someone who’s gonna take care of you.” alex explains on. you listen carefully maybe thinking he’s implying that he likes you and wants to care for you which only makes you want to cry more. maybe you messed this up more than trevor did?

“how come it wasn’t you?” you attempt to giggle while wiping your tears and burying your face in his chest.

“what do you mean?” he asks.

“how come it wasn’t you that i was talking to? you’re so caring and sweet, he is not really like that.” you say daringly.

“i’ve always had some kind of feelings for you y/n and sometimes i did wish it was me instead of him. i would’ve done so many things differently to benefit you and your confidence. you’re so beautiful and kind, i just wish you could see you the way i do.” he replies covering his face with his hands. you grab onto his wrists and uncover it to reveal a red faced alex.

“awe alex, don’t be embarrassed. in all honesty i do think you’re very attractive and very sweet.” you giggle still holding onto his wrists.

“well thank you.” he laughs nervously. you pull yourself up a bit and nuzzle your head into the crook of his neck and he places his hands on your lower back.

“i want to make you feel wanted y/n.” he speaks up after a few moments of silence.

“i’d like that.” you reply leaning up to look at him. he lifts his head to kiss you on the cheek before you get settled back into your previous state. why was this what you were missing all along?

-

many days later, you had seen alex at least once every day if he didn’t stay over.

“ok so for the benefit of all of us, can you please talk it out with trevor? i’ll be there, so will jamie. i won’t let him disrespect you not even for a second if he tries.” alex begs you for the final time. it was true, it did make it awkward for the group since you guys weren’t talking.

“alright fine, let’s go.” you say standing up, accepting alex’s hand. the only reason you’d agreed to do it is because you wanted to fix the friend group and make alex happy. you arrive at trevor’s apartment knocking lightly on the door. alex standing right behind you with his thumb rubbing circles on the small of your back. after a moment, the door opens and trevor’s face shifts into shock.

“oh hey, y/n, alex come in please.” he opens the door wider for you both to come in and sit.

“ok first off, keep it civil.” jamie says standing in front of the tv.

“yes and respectful.” alex adds.

“ok i’ll go first,” you say shifting to face him, ”why on earth would you not tell me you were talking to her. if you had told me before that you were interested in her i wouldn’t have gotten so upset. my feelings for you were so real trevor. i was just scared to admit it so soon and now of course they aren’t but like come on, you could’ve saved me so much hurt and saved the group from a mess.” you express to him, seeing him soak it all up.

“i understand. im sorry i did this to you, it was incredibly unfair and selfish of me and for that i am so sorry. i didn’t want to hurt you. i don’t really have anything to say because why would i? i hurt you and that’s not cool i can’t make excuses. is there still any chance we can be friends again?” he asks nervously.

“yes of course trevor but please always be honest with people.” you say scooting over to hug him. his touch felt different. your body didn’t warm up like it used to. like how your body was filled with fireworks every time you had sex or how your stomach filled with butterflies when he cuddled you to his chest at night. it felt so intimate but all those feelings you had for him had disappeared within a matter of days.

“see that was great, proud of yall.” jamie says before flopping down on the couch.

“it was.” alex replies tucking you under his arm.

“i hope he treats you better than i ever did. you deserve to be happy.” trevor leans over and whispers in my ear, clearly referring to alex’s arm around me. you look him in the eyes and can tell he’s being genuine and all you do is smile lightly in reply.

-

the last few weeks had been good especially with alex. he’s been so sweet to you. making you breakfast, bringing you flowers, the whole nine yards. you hadn’t really attached a label to your relationship yet but you knew your feelings for each other were strong. you could tell by the warmth you felt in your heart every time you were around him.

“hey love.” you say opening the door to alex standing there with bags of food from in-n-out.

“hi baby, i got us food for movie night.” he says kissing you on the temple before setting the bags on the counter. you begin to pull items out and place them on a large plate to bring to the couch. you get cuddled up quickly by his side as you scratch his scalp lightly. this was something he loved doing with you. movie nights and cuddling that occasionally leads to the best sex of your life. who knew he was such a softie?

“hey y/n?” you hear him speak up.

“yes alex?” you reply looking up at him. he presses a sweet kiss to your lips which you gladly accept, falling for him even more just in that moment.

“could i have the honor of being your boyfriend?” he asks dramatically, keeping his eyes locked on yours.

“absolutely.” you reply kissing him again this time more passionately. alex had been there for you everyday getting over his best friend and it blossomed into undeniable love. you were in love with alex, and he was in love with you. nothing could ever change that now.

(live love brain vomit, i hope yall liked it, thank you jay for the support✊🏼✊🏼 im having a terrible week so enjoy)

[muttfangs]

I already ranted to myself about this to process my thoughts while I was milling about my apartment getting ready for work, but i'm gonna kvetch about it here too so ┑(￣Д ￣)┍ ~boy problemz~

i'm not really sure what 'aura' or 'impression' I give off to the boys these days, but like… I keep attracting men who definitely see me as a 'caretaker' or 'father' role and it's like… no, dude. I'm BARELY recovered (and oftentimes still recovering!!) from major lifelong trauma and mental illness. I CANNOT emotionally nurse you back to health. that's a job for a licensed professional, not a scruff hook up / fling. and I know I'm hot, confident, and kind, but I have boundaries. my last ex (who I briefly mentioned here in a barking post, I'm sure) was incredibly mentally / emotionally manipulative. they would lovebomb me and then make me fret and hem and haww over them because they'd text or say things to me that were super worrisome or suicidal. I know they struggle with mental health. I do too. but they would drag me down and guilt me into an emotional tar pit with them against my will multiple times a week, and it fucked me up really badly. meanwhile, the entire time I was emotionally and energetically burnt to a crisp while trying to 'save' this person I cared about. this entire time, they used me. they saw me as a cute emotional punching bag. and when I finally set my foot down and told them "no, I'm uncomfortable with a 50 year old cis man fucking you when you don't show any sexual desire for me", they immediately twisted the situation to make me out like the bad guy.

"you can't get mad at me for this when we're in an open relationship to begin with and my friends agree with me"

FUCK you. I'm justified in my anger. you don't know how emasculating and invalidating it feels TO ME when you want to get railed by some random 50 year old cis man… but you wont touch me, your trans masc partner, because you're very obviously repulsed by my anatomy. I'm not stupid, I picked up on your consistent repulsion and avoidance when I'd ask you about sex. you're a terrible liar. and why THE FUCK do you have to ask your friends for validation during a conflict that is about YOU and ME?

fuck this. FUCK YOU. bitch.

...so, this leads me into a different cis gay who I hooked up with… literally once… He seems like a normal enough guy (literally saved as 'normal david' in my phone… lol ╮（╯＿╰）╭). I don't usually vibe with normies, they're. you know. boring to me. but he's fine for a hook up! the sex was decent, at the very least it was cathartic and I got some excess horny energy expelled.

anyways. the evening after we hooked up, he drunk texted me around midnight. it wasn't anything super strange just sorta like "I'm drunk and idk why I'm up this late. Lol" which is like, you know, innocuous enough. but he drunk texted me a couple times after that and it sorta just. makes me go 'hmmmmMM' I bring this up because, one of the drunk text conversations we had was him feeling really lonely and disappointed in himself. which is like, word yeah. I understand and empathize with that. I offered for him to hang out with me and my bros sometime, and as a heads up (for allergen reasons), I let him know like. we do smoke weed when we hang out! and you can feel free to not partake, but thats absolutely something we do. … and he immediately snubbed me by condescending to me about how weed is gross, it smells bad, it's a drug, etcetc. like. ya. I know. and thats a personal preference. JUST LIKE I PREFER TO NOT DRINK BUT I WILL SOCIALLY. I let him know we can smoke on the porch so he doesn't have to smell it, and he went on a mini tangent about why he hates weed and I just.

BRO. IM TRYING TO BE KIND AND OFFER YOU QUEER COMMUNITY. why on earth!! are you patronizing to me about recreational smoke sessions right now!!

and you know. I'm trying to be kind and empathetic so I explain to him like, alright. The offer is still there if you ever want it! but simultaneously, please don't condescend to me about the fact that me and my friends smoke weed. It's unnecessary and it's your preference, just as recreationally smoking is ours. and drinking is yours.

he drunk texted me… again… last night at 1am and like.

IM SENSING A PATTERN HERE. OF MESSED UP QUEER MEN WHO WANT ME TO CARE FOR THEM AND ONLY CARE FOR THEM WITHOUT ME RECEIVING ANY SORT OF RECIPROCAL EFFORT OR CARE PUT INTO THE SITUATION. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

god fuck my life. I talked about this w/ my therapist and like… I realize this isn't my fault. because my recent ex is a fully sentient, conscious human being who chose to make these decisions to exploit me and knew. same with normal david (to a lesser extent… bc I'm cutting this off today before it festers into yet another 'one-way fatherly situationship that I do not want and is also emotionally violating / burning me'). ...but it still sucks. I did get really, severely freaked out about my ex because I fell into this pattern that I've fallen into with previous people I've dated. where I see someone with 'potential', and I empathize with their mental illness and struggles as a queer person greatly and I want to help! genuinely! … and then it just turns into them being an emotional black hole and deflecting / ignoring the tangible, real ways I can help them so they can sink further and further into themselves while I desperately try to fish them out of the void they created. I'm convinced this was part of my ex's like… 'thing'. it was validating to them for me to panic over them when they'd text me shit like 'I need to disappear' because it meant I actually gave a shit about them. I hate people who view my confidence and genuine goodwill as something they can take for granted whenever the need arises. and I hate people who view me as "yeah you're good enough for now while I finda REAL MAN to date because youre KINDA LIKE A MAN". I'm tired of people seeing me as a stepping stone to 'something better', and treating me as disposable once they've bled me dry. This has been the situation with the past…. four or so of my exes.

Fuck them. I deserve better. I'm a good person. I'm kind. I'm growing. I'm putting the work in to deconstruct and heal my traumas. and I deserve affection, understanding, communication, kindness, respect, and love.

I will not settle for any less.

[wildernezz]

analysis for @someone-stole-my-sock :333

OKAYOKAY FINALLY GOT A BIT OF AN ANALYSIS GOING ON YIPEEEE

you are like. PEAK silly guy. you just give me so many silly vibes. like the kind of guy that you'd casually walk by at an airport or a grocery store or literally anywhere and the first thought is just "oh he seems silly and chill lolz." you just have very good vibes and i needed to say that first. :333333

despite looking like a silly average guy, you are definitely a lot more of an enigma than you give off. you are very aware of situations and social balances. definitely has the vibes of light yagami (looks like an average, just generally smart, guy but has. like a whole basement underneath the silly mind-house). you're also much MORE silly than you give off (and by "silly" i mean autism). there's just a lot more hidden underneath you than what's originally thought.

it seems like you've healed a lot from past traumas, and that's really nice to see. you probably still struggle with general everyday things though. your self-awareness makes it hard for you to truly express yourself to others. there's also probably still lingering fears from past issues that hold you back just a smidge. like maybe you felt pretty damn lonely growing up and you've gotten better at handling things but it's still there. i feel like you might have depression/loneliness bouts every now and then too. overall though, you're definitely doing a lot better than before. and that's something to be proud of.

i feel like you yap in your mind a lot. idk why but u just kinda give me that vibe.

you collect a lotta random trinkets. it's just in ur nature and that is dope as fuck, good for you. maybe you had a fascination with swiss knives or something. or like knife types. you give me that vibe specifically.

i feel like there's a part of you that just yearns to be out in the wild????? like you probably dip at random times to just. frolick in the fields if you're allowed. definitely getting huge "soldier poet king" vibes ykykykyk (speaking of which, my guess for you would be king. that's my gut guess but could be very off). you got "harpy hare" etched in your dna and that is dope as fuck.  you get it you weird freaky creature. (/compliment /pos)

uhhhhhh that's all i can think of but u are very silly. very dope. i had a shit ton of fun scrolling thru ur posts. veryvery funky. :3333

sorry that it isn't very in-depth and if it's super inaccurate (i swear im usually better at this JFNDHDJ). my brain has not been in the right headspace at all but i wanted to at least write something so ggrrrgrgrgrg here it is. hopefully at least some part of it is accurate yayayayayy :))

[walnutcookie]

Infodump on Langue, NOW!!!! /lh

AHHH YES BOSS!!! (anon thsi ask makes me so happy you dont understand THANK U..)

big ramble under cut

Im not sure what exactly to infodump about umm. i dont know ill just type whatever i think of CSJDBVJKDSH i just think langue is fun. They are so Fascinating to me and like idk the bummer is only people who ive infected with my interpretation of langue understand ive exaggerated a lot of things about them and also just made shit up because its fun DHFSHFJSHF. I 100% see the appeal of langue being like this super good righteous person and i do indulge in it with my friends who have those hcs trust me. i also love it when langue is an asshole though.... Like GOD do u understand do you see. Theyre so pathetic they physically do not know how to be nice because theyre so ISOLATED from people and theyre so absorbed in their work and stuck in their own head to change. They are so far gone their desire for success has sent them into this downward spiral of just Pushing themself to the max because they think that they need to be better in order for people to like them when in reality they just Dont know how to socialize with people BECAUSE theyre so obsessed with being better. and they keep setting the bar higher and higher, they keep reaching for new goals and YES they achieve them but good looorddd this gal needs to RELAX they dont let themself take breaks. theyre so convinced that theyre doing the right thing too. they think that theyre better than everyone because if they arent then all of their effort and hard work would be meaningless to them

i dont know i make a lot of jokes about capchat and i dont think theyre as Toxic Yuri as i say they are but they arent the most healthy couple either HDSJFHJ the thing is that theyre both lonely little fuckers and theyre some of the only people who can Tolerate each other. or. i guess in caps case langue is one of the only people who misfortune cant seem to kill. Langue will give cappuccino a backhanded compliment or just a straight up insult and he either brushes it off or snaps back but she really could care less about what they say about her LOL. like hes aware that they have such high standards for not only themself but others so he knows not to take it personally and also just to ignore what they say about her. and he also just tends not to care about what other people think of him FHSDJFHJ. I think that they were in one relationship before but it didnt end as well because they really were Not nice to their previous partner and it absolutely shattered them because their partner was like. Finally someone who was close to them yknow. and then they broke up and langue only had their parents again. theyre always in this work mindset and its hard for them to not judge people or be empathetic or genuine because they see everything and everyone as competition AGUUHFH DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!!!! Okay thats enough run on sentences im going to hit post now. Live laugh langue de chat. I love fictional girls who i would not be able to stand in real life

[rutadales]

:( I can relate so much with what you posted. It takes me so long to make friends, and I feel super blessed to have miraculously found a group of people (seemingly at random?) when I did but basically up until senior year of high school I didn’t have any close friends. And I’m in college rn, where a lot of people meet people they stay close to for the rest of their lives and idk how to deal with the fact that as a rising junior I probably won’t meet that group? Like the opportunity’s passed me by because that isn’t how “normal” people make friends. They meet a group in their orientation week or smth and bond for life. It takes me so long. Usually I just chat with someone in class and we work or study together and then we go on walks or get lunch and that’s how it evolves. But it takes so much energy out of me. And in a way it’s good because I have to deal with zero drama but then I’m just so disconnected and lonely. I’m just keeping afloat and I can do it but it’s just hard and it makes me upset knowing it could be easier and happier but I’m just weird and off putting 😭 it’s not even my school, this college is neurodivergence land; it’s just me. that’s why I try to reach out to so many people because even though I am very anxious about being perceived as weird I feel like those bonds I make keep me afloat. But then it’s always up to me! I have to keep saving myself :(

sorry this is soooo much point is I hear you and neither of us are alone in it 🫂 much love <33

its hard!! autism is really lonely a lot of the time. im just.. sad about it right now. 🫶🫶

[superchat]

Do you have vision or desire for who you are going to become ? Not necessarily something you are resolved towards but something you’d like to see in yourself and would welcome . It can be small or nonexistent if you really like the way you are

Ohh, hrmmm. idk, i think abt how i do get older and what i will be like, would i be a 45 year old who goes online too much and reblogs too much anime art still or what. i feel like ppl have an idea that "oh once im older things will just Be Different" like their current habits just..wont apply to themselves in 20 years, but i think itd be very easy to just never lose them

I will be honest, i dont really like who i am and think there is an Inherent part of it with just how im wired, i think back to me in 7th grade vs. me now and how things i liked then is just the same now. i had no idea what k-on! was back then but my ipod wallpaper app had pics of the characters, i downloaded a ton of the wallpapers of bassist like this, especially this outfit with the sleeves and hat, cuz she was just rllyrlly cool looking but i was super embarasssd abt any of it, i remember when my friend found out i felt lik dying

A song i listened to nonstop as a kid was nowthen by matt flinner. didnt have much understanding of why i loved it, but now i look back and im like "oh its secondary chords." i look at any song through my life where i resonate with it and its always secondary chords as the reason why i like them

So i see things like this taat dont seem to change and coupled with how i jost generally dont like myseof and thilk im weird and awkward and socializing alwys breaks down at some point, and im like "hrrmm. well. whatever ill be in the future, will probably just be me now, but more"

I think it will be a lonely life, but i was always one who veered towards being alone, my parents talk abt how easy it was to raise me cuz id go in my room and play with my toys by myself for hours at a time. and today i go home from work and i just stay in my apartment and go online, ive been in a couple relationships that lasted 2+ years when i was in highschool but thats been the most involved relationships ive had, i dont think i would be good in any right now even tho i rlly want to connect closely with someone, i think abt it all the time :33 but i dont think i can maintain that, i remind myself that im longing for a romanticized idea

So when im older i think ill be alone and half be okay with it, and half hate it but i dont think ill ever be like "this is unfair!" cuz i dont rlly have anything or anyone to blame, its just how i am rlly