#idk im just mad this shit sucked
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GOD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH. IM AT MY WITS END I CANT DO IT!!!!!!
#No context vent idont want to say details i just eant to kms bro this shit sucks ASS JUST SHUT UPPPP IM GONNA RIP MY HAIR OUT#LIKEEEE STOPPP PLEASE I DONT WANT TO TALK I WILL KILL MYSELF IN FRONT OF YOU#I JUST NEED TO MAKE IT TO MONDAY BRO😭😭IDK IF I CAN DO IT#Like its making me so fucking mad im trying to not to be a dick but holy hell how can i not#i need to be run over with a car#like i actually cannot get through this#why is this shit the hardest thing ive ever dealt with its so fuckin stupid bro😭😭😭😭
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genuinely i would kill to be a line artist yall have no idea
#i could happily line other peoples pencils forever#i would do it all day everyday lmao#like again the pay is bad line artists don't make much money#and the deadlines can be absolutely horrible#but like idk my brain turns off when i do line art and a lot of pencilers do have pretty clear sketches (at least until they know the line#artist in question and you get like a working relationship and everything) so it's really just#such a smooth brain off activity like to work in my house#doing line art on art that is not mine for several hours at (mostly) my own pace would be divine#fab talks#fabtalks#too bad line art as it's own independent job is dying#i was talking about this with one of my gfs professors and im like so mad about it im so mad about it#like honestly i think a lot of publishers like after this round of line artists die off are just going to have the pencilers do#pencils and lines nad if they can get away with it color#like colorists i think have more job security in this situation then line artists i see them kept on more in indie circles and stuff#though really they've been crushing all comic jobs together which i think is bad like to put all that work on one or two people in that tur#around time without an increase in pay sucks so bad like pay has not gone up for comic artists at all but so many of them are doing at leas#two jobs if not the entire art side of the comic by themselves on the salary of one guy#i can't rehiterate enough for people who don't know shit about comics back in the day EVERYTHING was it's own job#the colors the lines the pencils the lettering those were 4 separate jobs it was weird when it was not 4 separate jobs#to have your artist doing even two of those jobs is like A LOT to put on them in the turn around required for print especially without a#pay increase#anyway i'd kill to be a line artist i really would lmao for a lot of publishers it was an entry level job like one of my professors was a#marvel line artist briefly but like idk i'd kill to just do that forever asdfghjkl#i think about this a lot#anyway this is why indie comic people doing webcomics can't fucking make them as fast as marvel or dc it's one person doing everything#while trying to make ends meet its REALLY HARD TO DO#this is why alice's publishing schedule is at best ONE ISSUE A YEAR
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*long, deep, belabored sigh*
#discourse#<- except not really bc i am vagueing#idk im just tired. and sad#for a lot of reasons. some of which are i think v much not the reasons other ppl are mad rn lmao#like. yes it has problems yes i wish it could be better yes this absolutely sucks shit#and that is all v much part of the reason i am tired and sad#but the constant neg abt every aspect of the server also has started grinding on me. well always has i think im just reaching a limit#bc i like it! i do! theres good parts and i like them a whole lot!#idk it just rubs me the wrong way bc even if i do agree with a lot of the criticism whenever it comes from this side of the community#it always kinda feels like its in bad faith to me. like its in desire to watch it burn first and actually improve anything second#and its just like. argh#and like on the flip side. god i love this server but why does it have to be run by a guy who is the way he is#negative#yeah i think this needs that tag too lmao#idk ive been thinking abt taking a break for a little bit here and i dont think i am#mostly bc it would involve unfollowing 90% of my mutuals and i dont really want to do that#but i just wish casually sticking around like this didnt also involve. all the bullshit that comes with being in this fandom(s). lol. lmao.#anyways. i am going to go eat dinner
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"why are people mad about AI being pushed on them when they SHOULD be mad about all the privacy erosion??"
1) plenty of us bitches are mad and annoyed about both, actually.
2) the privacy erosion has become the normalized state of existence for the average person for the last 10 fucking years at least, its snuck in, they disguise it as Convenient Features to Help You Shop Better, and thats IF they bother telling you theyre doing it, instead of just opting all your shit in without asking, its so fucking normalized that yeah, a lot of people do not bother to question it, they just sigh in resignation and go, yeah, i guess, do i even have other options? and they do, but theyre an investment of learning and time you dont have capacity for at the moment, or maybe you do but you feel like you dont bc it feels like a bigger hurdle than it is, and computer stuff is already kind of intimidating, cos man, what if you hit the wrong thing and brick your expensive ass machine? easier to just let it data harvest, you guess, it cant be THAT bad, can it? plenty of people live like this, put up with this, seek this out, its easier not to resist the privacy erosion. fucking whatever, i guess. yeah, i guess twitter i mean X, or walmart, or facebook, can just have all of my contact info and my phone number and my birthday and phone contacts and bank information and fuck it, give them my ssn while im at it. less effort later. this is just how tech has been for the last 10 yrs. no one can effectively get rage clicks on this topic anymore bc we all fucking know. it sucks and we know. what do you want me to fucking do about it? i have other shit to deal with more urgently. etc
3)
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you cant turn anything on or log onto anything or go anywhere without hearing about whatever new shit theyre throwing AI at for no real reason, no one will fucking Shut Up about AI, and its Annoying, man
#toy txt post#toy pic post#image id in alt text#im so fucking Tired of hearing about it and in applications that make no sense cos they made the thing and are now trying to justify its#existence and cost instead of like. creating it to actually meet a need.#im annoyed at both of these things everytime i turn on the god damn computer#i keep getting texts about upgrading my phone to get one of the new AI models. man. i dont want that#i dont want it bc theyre as invasive as ever and the ai shit is stupid and i dont want it#AND YES. THERE ARE GOOD AND USEFUL AND DECENT APPLICATIONS AND USES FOR AI. I KNOW. ITS NOT ALL BAD#BUT MOST OF THE FUCKING CHATTER ABOUT IT IS ANNOYING AND THE INTERNET IS AS FILLED AS EVER WITH MEANINGLESS BULLSHIT#WHETHER IT BE AI GENERATED OR JUST TALKING ABOUT THEIR NEW BULLSHIT GENERATOR 3000. PLEASE DOWNLOAD#TO JUSTIFY THE VENTURE CAPITAL#man ppl are tired of it all. we want to opt out of it all#and some dont even want to bother.#and then theres ppl like my mom who no. i cant convince her the privacy erosion is a problem bc on an individual level she doesnt care#but i could convince her hopefully to be wary of 'answers' from ai and that they generate slop and if anyone asks you for money for ai shit#lmao Dont. okay#and at this point ill take that as a wij#win#and honestly the privacy erosion at this point. needs. legislative shit. legislative shit that isnt just 'oh the companies were data#harvesting teens? well if the companies stop giving that info to advertisers and instead give it to Their Parents. and also give them full#control of their accounts and everything the kids see. well that fixes it. no. god#its a big stupid messy problem that is gonna suck to fix and so far anyone who talks about fixing it on a mass scale is a fucking hack#who is fear mongering to exert more control over kids man it all sucks so bad. and it sucks more cos it doesnt Have To#it Could be good! computers could be good again. the answer is not necessarily everyone download linux bc thats not going to happen#maybe more ppl should and that would be good for us. yes. like idk teach it in school or some shit. but that cant be the only thing you do#windows and Microsoft and apple should not be retroactively fucking up the products they have monopolized into everyones homes & businesses#they should not be ABLE to do this. idkeverything sucks and is stupid and that sucks and is stupid and you all are complaining about dumb#rubes getting mad at the wrong thing and falling for ai fear mongering instead of being like. why are the bitches who are turning every god#damn computer into inherent spyware also shotgunning money into ai amd articles hyping up about ai
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lot of ppl upset abt the lack of. Any Real Acknowledgement of Gojo dying and I'm not saying they're wrong but I did realize that I think that's pretty much just how JJK is. Like Riko died. Anyway. Kuroi maybe? We don't know. Haibara died. Ok. Geto died. Like that's a big part of the plot but Gojo doesn't tell the first years SHIT about him. They just know there's a weird monk fucking everything up (and that's fucking Kenjaku lmao). Nanako and Mimiko. Nanako and fucking Mimiko. Like I'm not saying this is... Okay I'm mad about Riko bc like. She's a big part of the reason Geto BECAME A MASS MURDERER I'd enjoy if he mourned her more. I JUST REMEBERED THAT YUKI DIED. And Choso. ANYWAY I don't think this is Terrible Storytelling bc it does feel indicative of the way Jujutsu Society treats sorcerers (and potentialy civilians) where you're just expected to fucking Move Along. And I think there might be something genuine in Gojo, being a part of that system, still feeling like what he wants is to fade away after he dies, arguably showing that in the end he is the same as everyone else, he's human, he's mortal. And that being both a genuine desire and warped coping mechanism, and the way that's hard to truly parse. But also it does kinda sucks when the characters seem to straight up Forget the ppl who died... Like. Sorry I just got so mad Abt Larue and Miguel and THEY DONT EVEN TALK ABOUT NANAKO AND MIMIKO? TBEY TALK ABOUU MISSING GETO BUT WE CANT GET A SINGLE FUCKING MENTION OF HIS GOD DAMN DAUGHTERS? anyway the treatment of death in JJK is a good Foundation for themes and emotional resonance but uhhh Gege kinda sucks at writing so it's. It's eh
#JJK spoilers#Any and every fic I write where Riko dies. You bet everyone is going to be Fucking Upset. And yes I'm roping in Shoko#ANYWAY a personal gripe I have w JJK that I feel is half like Genuine Problem and half My Preferences is that it sometimes feels too#Idk exactly how to put this. Isolated maybe? First of all not enough characters who aren't sorcerers so the world feels off balance#Second of all the characters don't interact as much as I think they should. We don't get enough Tokyo/Kyoto interactions#We don't get enough Shoko/literally anyone interactions. We don't get enough Utahime/literally anyone interactions#I'm going to crawl into a hole and die. Riko is just fucking gone once the star plasma mission is over. Yuki doesn't even talk Abt her#Like. I know the twist comes later but.... AUGHHHHHH hurts. It all hurts. Fuck the culling games that shit SUCKED#We DIDNT NEED MOST OF THOSE CHARACTERS GEGE STOP MAKING NEW FUCKING PEOPLE. IM LOSING IT.#Anyway I'm going to my corner to be mad Abt the treatment of Riko Kuroi Nanako and Mimiko#FUCKING KOKICHI DIED. AND MAI. JESUS#I think the fact I refuse to let them die in my fics bc. I think they were wasted as characters. Is definitely messing with my memories#Of which characters died. But I also do feel like when a character dies they just kinda... Fade away instead of. Being acknowledged#As friends and family and even just people. Like it only matters for a few minutes and then you're done. So it's hard#To remember who actually fucking died cause the characters never fucking act like anyone DIED.#Someone should euthanize me
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explaining ur feelings to someone and them saying like 'sure' or something so u keep talking abt what hurt you but then realising they were being sarcastic hurts so bad it cant just be me
#alex says shit#alex is an idiot#this is about my mother fyi#she keeps doing this and i just think it sucks :/#like im opening up to you the least you could do is hear me out#and not mock me idk just a suggestion#and then i get upset and my father says 'oh look shes already mad'#im sorry for having feelings ig
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I need to clean my room now. It is dire.
#im so embarrassed it looks like shit over here#i cleaned the kitchen bc my ex was picking up stuff but i KNOW she saw my room#what a fucking shitshow#that box of her things is gone now all ive got left is a handful of rose petals and a second hand coffee maker#and a flannel#all that for a quick 2 monthish relationship#i deeply regret rushing into things but I have poor judgement so.#heres to ruining everything good thats ever happened to me via my own choices 🍻 free will baby#I'm so mad right now even though i shouldn't be#the text thing really got to me idk if things can be ok#like yeah turns out when you hear all your fears verbalized insultingly by another person instead of just in your brain it hits harder??#Just felt like a line was being crossed#anyway#when you spill your guts to another person i guess you gotta expect to have shit flung back at you in the worst possible moment#I suck at keeping my mouth shut that's what happens when you stop journaling#you want to actually confide in others#And don't think I don't know that thats what im doing now#online!!#im unbelievably tired of it all#i wasn't built for this kind of life#ive got no friends. my job doesn’t pay me enough to live. ive got no will to feed myself. etc etc etc#worst of all i have to live with myself#because God knows i can't do anything about it#vile-wizard.txt
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so glad to just come home and immediately be like "okay its vent hour time" but like
dont fucking talk to me about being a writer and then tell me you use ai to write 3/4 of your text for you and top it off by BRAGGING how you "wrote" 50k words in two days
YOU DIDNT WRITE MOST OF THEM. THATS NOT WORTH BRAGGING ABOUT TO SOMEONE WHO PAINSTAKINGLY HANDCRAFTS ALL THEIR FICS FOR FUCKING DAYS FROM BEGINNING TO END AND EDITS ALL THEIR SHIT AS WELL
fucking hell im angry
#sure i dont tell these people im a writer cause then i would have to explain why i write gay fanfics about wrestlers#but like. thats not a fucking brag either way. saying that youre a writer and then saying most of your stuff is ai generated is not the flex#you think it is no matter what. youre making a mockery of the arts you fuckwad#the worst part? this was my own fucking brother. the one person i'd trust not to do this kind of shit#im just disappointed and angry and like. i dont know. ai fucking sucks if you use ai to create any supposed ''art'' leave me the fuck alone#im so mad rn. i feel like my work means jackshit. its already hard enough to make it with my stuff and rarepairs and shit and then just#seeing someone in my immediate orbit do this? idk im just mad#ugh. whatever. vent hour over im just. i wanna scream#im so fucking disappointed rn#night is an absolute mess on main
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like heres the thing- at surface level, you can really be impressed with rices inclusivity. like in a world where things were not horrible, to have a prominent black vampire in merrick, have an intersex genderfluid character in blackwood farm, billions of bisexuals etc, it all seems really nice. and then you look more into it and find that the way she writes anyone who doesnt fit a very specific mold is written horribly. merrick is treated as a sex object and a temptress as early as.. age 14 or so. she is never given the pov during the entire book that is TITLED AFTER HER because its all from a white guy who's been objectifying her forever. petronia (the character in blackwood) is misgendered often and treated as inhuman often in a very jarring way. her way of "inclusivity" with sexuality often includes very large age gaps between adults and minors treated completely normally and never really unpacking the damage that does to the victims, as well as incestuous relationships that if anything are fetishized to the point where i am positive she had a kink for it. her idea of representation is so incredibly surface level and doesn't really seem to examine many viewpoints outside of her own, nor take any care to handle any topic with any sensitivity. do i need to bring up the gay disabled vampire who is the only disabled vampire ever and is greatly treated with mass amounts of ableism from the woman who supposedly cares about him (if we are to believe rice's narrative that every slave owner just lovesss their slaves and wants the best for them and its GOOD for them to be enslaved). we are supposed to believe an author with this bad of a track record actually cares?
#twist rambles#vc posting#antiblackness#transphobia#pedophillia mention#grooming mention#racism tw#ableism#incest mention#ask to tag#sorry this is like. a billion things but dear goddd this series. horrible#again please dont hestitate to get me to tag this because its a billon triggering things but hitting stuff irt pe.tronia is just. yeah. im#mad about everything here and this book has been a culmination of everything horrible.#like genuinely idk its wild to me that the fanbase does not discuss this more but the later books r lesser read ig#anyways yeah it all fucking sucks. and i just. im so sick of it.#and also tbqh she did kind of cultivate a group of people who loved her books and wouldnt question half of the shit she pulled here. sorry#for my 3 30 am rant about this but its just... its so vile and im not sure how people can not see her as INCREDIBLY racist and many other#things. like i wish these books were good. but these issues have been there since the start lmao.
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Hate it bc we used to have such a fun friend group and everything was great but then ppl started fighting with each other so now there's a lot of tension between some ppl and it makes me kinda sad to think about how it could have been if this all hadnt happened
#and half of them i dont even know what happened bc ''i hate him but i dont like talking shit about ppl''#or ''uh it was nothing he was just an asshole''#and then theres the ones who dated for a while and then broke up and then she fucked with his best friend (also in the group)#and idk it all seems centered around that guy and his best friend tbh#the other day a few of us met and that guy and his best friend were close so we went to say hi#and they all hated him and/or were hated by him like howw#also apparently he wanted to hook up with a girl's gf (though i have my doubts about how literal this was)#(bc that girl is the first guy's best friend so she 100% knows what happened and she was deff biased by then)#idk man it sucks when ppl are mad at each other and no one will say why but you still like everyone there#idk this winter we were able to meet up without setting off an atomic bomb so thats. awin i guess#and tbh im glad i can stay out of the drama ngl if they made me pick sides i would go crazy#mine#life#friends
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if horror game in horror genre, then why monster have scary face???? i want horror game!!! NO SCARY FACE!!!!!!!!! only horror game <3
#incoming ramble about scary faces in horror games spooking me too bad#just wish i could like listen to it like a podcast#i get this thing where a very particular genre of images#generally any scary character in analog horror will fit in that genre but yeah like big long distorted mouth realistic eyes usually#can be different tho#but yeah those images get stuck in my head and freak me out in a very intense instinctive almost like primal animalistic way#and when i say stuck in my head i mean i see them every time i close my eyes for hours on end after i so much as think about this image#i am not exaggerating when i say i see that image every time i blink#it’s not as bad if i’m just remembering it as opposed to having just seen it but it can be bad either way if i have a decent memory of it#and this causes intense paranoia#like yknow it’s behind me if my back is exposed it’s right in front of me if i’m in the dark it’s outside my window above my head etc etc#it’s really bad idk what’s going on with me but yeah it sucks bad dude i just have to avoid content like that at all costs#WHICH SUCKS SO MUCH#BC ANALOG HORROR ALWAYS HAS THE BESTTTTTT STORYLINES#IM SO MAD#THINGS LIKE THE MANDELA CATALOGS AND THE FUCKIN OTHER ONE YKNOW THE OTHER ONE HAS A H IN IT I THINK#SOUNDS SO INTERESTING STORY WISE#BUT I CANT FUCKING PLAY IT OR EVEN WATCH SOMEONE PLAY IT BC ID DRIVE MYSELF UP THE BLOODY WALL#EVEN THE MY LITTLE PONY INFECTION AU!!!!!!#I HAD TO BLOCK TAGS/KEYWORDS FOR MLP INFECTION ACROSS ALL PLATFORMS BC I GOT MY SHIT ROCKED BY TWILIGHT FUCKING SPARKLE#LITERALLY FURIOUS I LOVE THAT SHIT IT SOUNDS SO COOL BUT I CANT LOOK AT ANY ART FROM IT ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT IT GETS IN MY HEAD#ONCE I SAW A GOOD OMENS VIDEO AND IT WAS JUST A CUTE LITTLE DRAWING OF MURIEL!! CUTE SWEET PRECIOUS LITTLE OFFICER OF THE LAW!!!!#AND THEN AT THE END IT FLASHED A FRAME ALL CLOSE UP WITH THEIR FACE ALL TWISTED AND DISTORTED AND ELONGATED#SOILED MY BLOODY BREECHES I DID. CRAPPED MY BLASTED PANTALOONS I DID INDEED.#SAW THAT WRETCHED COP BEHIND MY EYELIDS FOR THE NEXT 45 MINUTES I DID.#THE WALTEN FILES THATS THE OTHER ONE#NO H IN IT#CANT WATCH IT YHO SO WHAT DO I CARE ABOUT THE H
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shit sucks ass but we gotta keep goin’ i guess
#post brought to you by my dismal situation#i earn a quarter of minimum wage and it literally all goes to rent#my student loans are unpaid and i’m not thriving at all#and my roommate who is a long time friend just got mad at me for something fucking tiny#i miss living with my ex#and i miss my ex in general#current partner is about half the planet away from me which is always fun (it’s not)#and i’ve never really had issues with suicidal ideation until last year but now it’s every single fucking day#im like yo wouldnt that be nice#and i can try to not actually want to die but it’s the hardest fucking thing ive ever done#including my two degrees that shit was easy#i can’t afford a therapist#and even if i could afford a therapist i wouldn’t be able to afford medication#what do i need to be medicated for? who knows#it’s a tossup between ocd depression and adhd and maybe anxiety#idk man shit just sucks and i hate everything about it#everyone’s going forward and i feel stuck because of a few bad decisions#it’s hell on earth for me
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Favourite personal weapon?
(you CANNOT say battleaxe!)
probably scythe. like i know it's not really good at all for like. combat. but like look at that shit. pretty dope blade while i hold the stick. sooo cool.
#ask#anon#im not sure anything else really compares. i dont honestly think about real life weapons that much really that said.#not without being like. shotgun. or double barreled shotgun. atleast if were restricted to melee combat here.#most games i tend to play shotgun a lot#except tf2 recently where ive been shooting pee darts and donking folks with cannon balls#granted. i range from class to class with no real like... goal? whatever fits the situation and that im confident in.#like i like playing soda popper milk fan o war scout a lot. i like playing pee sniper w/ shahanshah.#for demo i tend to always go loose cannon scottish resistance scottish handshake#scottish resistance cause i like coating a battlefield with stickies and just doing my best to detonate them when i think its important to#fucking hate sticky spamming btw. valve had the right idea nerfing that shit when they did. yknow. before they reverted it.#those things should be doing 60 damage when spammed... and like can do 144 after like a second or two or whatever#that way it punishes spamming and rewards using them as traps#but then the people who have sticky stranges would get mad or whatever. idk. its weird to me that valve reverted the nerf somewhat#it does a lot of damage and you dont gotta even hit the enemy directly with the projectile. so its an easy weapon.#idk.#for heavy i dont have a real loadout im happy with. i tend to go brass beast family business and eviction notice#ik tomislav is like the best overall minigun but. idk.#eviction notice really sucks but once someones pestering me up close i really like to chase them down while punching them#since most of the 9 classes cant get out of range. ive managed to do it a bunch despite how much i dont like the weapon.#like. i wish it didnt have the max health drain. id prefer if like. i couldnt be overhealed if i had them equipped.#the slight speed increase is. okay. paired with the increase in speed when hitting a player.#though if it was simplified. id add those two stats together for the on hit attribute.#so like... less damage. faster swing speed. faster movement when hitting an enemy for a second. and no overheal when equipped.#instead of it just being a weirder worse gru.#that way its just about punishing players who get too close. and makes you weaker if youve got a medic. since you cant be overhealed.#soldier... i just use rocket launcher/black box panic attack and whip. nothing really unique about my playstyle with him.#engineer. panic attack pistol gunslinger or jag.#im no good with the widowmaker and i like having 6 shots so id rather not use the frontier justice.#anyway im at the tag limit. thank you for the ask anon!!!
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i love complexity. except of course if it's about me . hope that helps
#transmission#what i mean is i love acknowleging nuance and intricacies but i hate when i cant neatly compartmentalise myself#i want to know WHY im xyz! a distinct reason! and etc#i was thinking deeply the past few days on why i suddenly got so mad bc i do Not usually talk that way publicly#bc i dont want to be hypocritical in that. i purposefully usually speak in a way where i make myself overly clear and#try to avoid making people feel ashamed in any way. because i KNOW how it feels right#but digging further i think its like. its a rage inducing cycle of mockery in the infinite fandom. the normies make fun of the weirdos#and the weirdos make fun of the normies because hey fuck you too. and ppl who enjoy infinite casually arent inherently wrong#but when they fill the tags with complsints and criticisms on a source material they havent delved into much#it irritates a lot of the people who HAVE because while an opinion is fine critiquing something seriously does mean understanding it#on a bit deeper of a level i think?#and thats what always got me personally#but we just have this system of you suck youre wrong and i think its also because infinite has taken so much shit that#we are VERY protective and defensive. like yeah if people spend years ripping into the thing that you like that happens#idk in just pondering. the ponderer...#i like to analyse not just fiction but how ppls brains work in general and irl stuff#mostly personal dissection bc im obsessive about myself. not in a fun way but more an endless interrogation and rumination way#the disorder fr#not wanting to hurt ppl and make them feel judged bc you know what its like vs carthasis of dunking on ppl who dunk on you#thats what i think it is for me#one of the reasons i wasnt posting for a long time was caring too much abt other people so if im getting the itch again#im gonna keep an eye on it#anyway
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now that wiener has changed me i can show my true colors to you all. this is the equivalent of me posting my little prince on the internet okay because i genuinely think this is cringe and stupid but i cant help it i have autistic rage and everyday i fight against it. anyways the reason why its so big i like wieners itapan is bc this is how i actually feel about itapan
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its okay though because everyday i fight to cure myself of these aids (once i opened my social media app and saw itapan and my day genuinely felt significantly worse. ruined even. i am fighting so hard).
#BECAUSE I FOR REALSIES THINK ITS SO DUMB TO GET ACTUALLY DEADASS MAD AT FICTIONAL SHIPS#WHO THE FUCK CARES#AINT NOBODY CARE ABOUT THAT SHIT SHUT YO DUMBASS UP!!!!!#but my weakness... is itager... because idk im ill abt them its not a joke#ive been this way for like 6 years now#i can handle reading fanfics of germany x other characters bc germany literally never loves them#like all the fics i read of him x other characters is just him being tortured by them and he doesnt even like them#the only way he reciprocates their affections is literally after white room torture and getting turned into a different person#i believe that i think thats true thats the only way he could possibly show romantic affection to someone other than italy#i only can tolerate and sometimes enjoy content of germy/itatard x other people if its onesided and they dont love the other person#bc then im like yeah seems legit cuz theyd only love eachother in all universes#and i feel this way abt basically all of my ships i care abt bc im a monoshipper#but usually i wont give a fuck if i see them with other people im like that sucks lol but not my house not my soup!#BUT ITAGER....... IT MAKES ME CRAZY#IT MAKES ME ACT LIKE A FREAK ! I DONT ENDORSE MY OWN BEHAVIOR#thats why this is my shame............. this is my one true cringe and something i genuinely consider a flaw of mine#one of my few if not only autistic rage inducers............. please accept me for who i am. i am trying to fight this (ngl im losing but#we still try our best bc i want to have no weaknesses)#one of my few weaknesses.....#robooty dick pic
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#txt#tw#dont read this and i may delete but i just need to say it#i do think about dying a lot#like i dont want to be here lol#people suck big time#everyone here is so nice and lovely and supportive#but you arent physically near me and i guess thats what i need#idk#and i cant just message randoms with all my personal shit all the time#unless i can? idk#the main reason i wont kms is cause my dad wouldnt be able to handle it hes lost too much#i think hed prolly follow suit#and i cant have that#plus other things like my pets etc#but what is the fucking point lol#i know eventually ill move on etc#but the world sucks man#it sucks#i have a good life but my brain sucks and i ruin everything and no one sticks around and i am just a fucked up friend and partner and i dont#see myself getting better#if i told my psych i think about this id get sent off and i think that would make me worse#i just want the future back that i thought i was going to have#that was ripped away from me without warning#no conversation#nothing#and he gets mad at me when i bring that up??????#yeah its so fair you kicked me out etc but im the bad guy for airing my feelings#fuck everyone tbh haha#im just done
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