#idk if thos ir really art

[alicre]

One ss ,one character, 2 years appart!

Tha original ss:

[delicateimage]

I used to never spend money AT ALLLLLL and I’d just have it to loan to my parents when they needed it so I used to always have a consistent amount of money so I didn’t worry about a job too much but now I’m spending a lot of it on gifts and going out more and stuff so now I feel like I’m in poverty (I didn’t spend THAT much money but yeah it’s still way less and I cry myself to sleep about where all my money went) so this is like the first time I’m actually considering getting a job but I’m so tired from school now idk how that’s going to happen… and I hate being perceived by people… and I haven’t had a job like… ever not even baby sitting or lawn mowing bc I was so sheltered and privileged and I hated people even more than I do now… but I think I should atleast start getting some job experience because what if I’m suddenly 25 and my resume is literally a blank stained sheet of toilet paper,,,, embarrassing

When I wanted to kms Atleast I had a focus for my life like wtf am I doing now

[rmorde]

Trigun Manga Reaction

Now unto Volume 1 - Chapter 4

Meryl sums up Vash so well. He gave the bounty to the people that hunted him.

AND he also gave food to Kuroneko.

I must say tho. How did they get salmon? I get that the Plants can produce them. But... how? Do the Plants produce them as raw whole fish? Live fish? Neatly sliced fish? The production of water and energy is really easy to imagine. However, specific stuff like this bewilders me.

Also, I like the '98 a little better because the townspeople are more involved - showing remorse and gratitude at the same time.

Another incredible double spread. I like the massive scale of the ship is drawn. But I'm distracted by Meryl and Milly's hands here. It's so funny how to communicates so much fury and incredulity.

WAIT. WHAT?!

So, the tracking device stuff happened way earlier?!

It's interesting how these sequence of events were re-arranged in the '98 with minor changes. Yet even with that, the "spirit" of the characters stayed true.

Meryl and Milly are competent with their jobs. It's just that Vash is a bit "very much" and they constantly have to adapt to the string of unfortunate events shenanigans he always inevitably get involved in.

LMAO!!! This never gets old. But why is the other kitty not here too?! I guess the reddish brown one is a'98 original.

Another interesting double page that makes me wonder... How does it look in a book format? Wouldn't there be some warping in the middle that may affect the full picture?

I'm curious because I'm reading the Overhaul version atm since the official English release, apparently, is not exactly stellar with the translation (Hopefully not John Werry level). Anyway, the pages are cleaned up so the art is great for the double page spreads.

Oh. I like the composition of the info dump in here. Have the travel route arrow on the map connect Text Box 1 to Text Box 2 is quite clever.

Wasn't able to say it before but Tristamp Tonis broke my heart. Compared to his '98 and manga counterparts... It's not fair! Plus his ruined relationship with Vash...

AHAHAHAHA. So silly! Poor Vash.

After coming off from Tristamp, seeing this in the manga and remembering how it was in '98... holy fucking shit Tristamp Vash had it worse. So so much worse. That poor iteration of Vash didn't even got the chance to breathe or be appreciated like this by the people on screen. It was just one long trauma conga line.

Or maybe it was a problem in pacing? Tristamp went hard and fast with its story pace (practically JJK style) unlike here in the manga and most definitely unlike '98. The latest Trigun adaptation left no room for filler-y stuff like this... I wish they did tho.

But augh... thinking about it, maybe it's for the best that Studio Orange didn't because Roberto would definitely feel like a Milly replacement and earn more fan ire (which would totally be understandable imho). The production will be tougher too since it means more animation to do especially "anime physics" character acting which, as I mentioned before, is rough to do in 3D.

However... Vash deserved a lot more comfort in Tristamp not to mention even more character dynamics between Meryl, Wolfwood, and Roberto. Sigh. It's the JJK Pacing Dilemma all over again for me.

I remember this too from '98! And it is still funny. I can still hear the VA's "drunk" voice.

AHAhaha...Ha... One of the things that flew over my head as a kid and then finally understood as an adult.

But I wonder if there are ulterior motives here too? Like trying to tie Vash down more to the town - perhaps a good night with a woman would make him hesitate to leave? Not that he ever would as obviously seen in the panel and the next.

Idk. Maybe I'm reading too much into it now.

Sigh... Another sweet Tonis moment. Tristamp Vash was robbed!

I shouldn't laugh but AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!

OMFG AND VASH PULLED A NIGHTMARE FACE BECAUSE OF IT TOO!!!

Idk. '98 faithfully animated this but the manga seems funnier to me. Can't explain why.

The kid has more spunk in his intro on '98 tho with his backtalking to Vash.

Really really good shadowing...

I'M SORRY WHAT?! WAS INTO SODO- Wait wait wait.... Let me check something...

So, in the OG JP Dub it was implied. Maybe. Who knows if the translation was accurate?! However, in the ENG Dub it was not. Just a general "He always trying to get at me!"... I always thought that he just meant that the "Uncle" is physically abusive and not sexual.

OKAY! Now it makes sense why this kid was worried that his story was "too impossible" to be believed. He straight up used the term "sodomy". Children suffering from such threats or abuse won't usually say it so formally (?) like that (or as I believe but I'm not knowledgeable on this). It was a red flag of a lie. Hmm... small change but quite an impact.

Huh... If you ask me, I think dish duty is much better than the cashier. Customer service gives me the hives.

However, '98 I think made the right call to have Meryl and Milly work the cashier. It suits them especially since they used it as an opportunity to bully Vash!

[faint-frankie]

（ 11-15-2024 ） daily post? idk how often i’ll do this.

tw(s) - none. i just have a panic attack / meltdown lolllz

f; Mikey/Frankie - host

— art ; 9:20AM - 10:30AM ( 2nd period )

i'm so behind in this class 😭 im literally an artist but like i just don't pay attention alot of the time.. im trying to get back on it but idk

next period is urban conservation and i'm going crazy because my boyfriend won't be here today and that period (+ the rest of the day) is whenever i spend time with him.. AND HIS PHONE IS BROKENNNNN I MISS MY HUSBAMMDNDND (hashtag bpd struggles i want my fp)

speaking of husband our 2montths is tmrw!!! yay! im peeing with excitement like a dog cuz like 2months???? YAYYYY cant wait for marriage

uodate im not trying in art class rn. i dont care rn y’all im just gonna draw on my own. EFF ZEN TANGLES IM TOO TIRWDDDDDD DUDE 😒

my mom has no money but i want food frm the vending machinr and she doesnt let me get a job (or my permit.) so im just fucked i guess!

ok rn im lowkkey having a huuuuge fuckin panic attack like okay!!!!!!!!! awsum!!!! ahahahababababbaa. can i be okay is that an option

last night i had a dream about being in a psych ward. i’ve had them in the past, usually like a few time a year? they’re slowly getting more personal and realistic and i’m actually so scared that’s a sign.. cuz i’ve had dreams wiht meaning before that come truw :/

im so anxious im DYING!!!!!! my head hurttss... listening to misfits while crashing out is probs stupid on my end so ill chnage it.... :(

— urban c. ; 10:40AM - 11:50AM ( 3rd period )

ugh i actually camt focus :( ill probably just draw i feel lkke shit. walking frm my last class to this one wore me outtt....... :/ i got so fuckkng scared since my safe person isnt here and i kinda thought so.eone would kill me at any moment but ir hasnt happened yet.

oh thank god he went bcak over the answers.... i had no idea what was going on...

f; Khris & co; Johnnie

— lunch ; 11:50AM - 12:20PM ( approx,, )

i'm sitting at lunch with our friend rn! she's like on the phone rn,,, so i'm fucking around on my computer until next period i guesss. i think our bf is hopefully getting his phoen fixed??? god i hope so .. im stalking his location like a freak but tbh frankie showed me it because he stalks him alot... WITH HIS CONSENNTNTT

our friend rly likes andy biersack so she told me abt his tattoos... i sadly know like nothing abt black veil brides but i think its coooll

some kid is shouting abt cishet white men,,, errr like ok i get the hate but cmon. i'm not really eating at lunch im just hangin hereee

someone is talking loudly about their alters, idk how to feel abt that.

i did one assignment in the middle of lunch, its so fucking hot out im dying....FUCKKK IT WAS LIKE 37 THIS MORNNINGNGN

— asian studies ; 112:30PM - 1:45M ( 4th )

i got to class late... by like 1 min tho so its chill. i talked to my friend abt some weird shit which was interesting? im exhausted kinda. im hot but cant take off my hoodie cuz my scars :/

ughhhghghhg i have catch up work to do and suddenly im dissociating this is bullshit

f; Loretta

I'm going to be typing properly, because typing.. however that is, makes my head hurt. I'm currently trying to get some work done while keeping us calm. I want to work on our craft/practice, but school comes first. I have no idea what's happening after school, as our boyfriend cannot text and school ends soon. I'll just plan it out as best as I can in my head? I definitely need us to do laundry. It's piling up very bad.

f; mikey / frankie & co ; loretta

BO9YFRIEND HAS PHOENBBACK OGGOG BOFYRIENDNDDND

i'm so shakey and can't process noise and all that.. everything is so weird im so scared of everythint spsoososooss bruh. time to research the brobecks to soothe myself

— media ; 1:50 - 3:00PM ( last period. )

i feel absolutely horrible. i cant brwathe i reel like im going to sob amd puke i jsyt wannabgo hoke

my mom isnt answrring me like o hate her but lowkey olease acknlwlddmge im habing a panic attaxi

im aboutnto cry in class i cant takehrhjjs. im havjng flashbadks too. i justbwanna go home

im about ti leave school thank fuck. i feel awfuk and just cant think. i keep thinking abt the weird psych ward dream i had.

okay im going to ennd this journal thing here since its longnand boring and infeel like shit

if you actuallt read this, thank you:3

[memese-art]

Commenting on every single spread of my latest scketchbook bc why the fuck not

I finished this bad boy up a week and a half ago or so but I promissed myself that I'd try and post art at least once a week and I'm artblocked rn so yeah that's what we have for today

(also since it is kinda big I'll probably divide this into different posts so it doesn't turn into a goddamn THESIS)

my first pages always tend to be a bit messy and disconnected and this is the case

the butterfly was apparently my "birthday butterfly"? I don't really remember. I really like how the duck turned out tho I made him in my arts history class :)

now this one is kind of an homage to my cringe days from middle school lmao. I was cleaning up my art cupboard and found a bunch of little drawings and cutouts from 2018 so I decided to use them up

the only new thing is the jessie paege drawing but I don't really like how it turned out? idk I still have trouble capturing people's likenesses

this spread doesn't really make that much sense? there's this super old art I did of Haley Williams from paramore apparently (if I'm bad at capturing likeness today, in 2019 I was even worse lmao) and my attempt to redeem myself right under it

and there's also a dnd character of mine on the following page. I adore her she's the love of my life

the page on the left SUCKS ASS so much so I never even finished it up

the one on the right is ok I guess

this one is pretty meh. I don't really like how it's so empty, it feels lacking

I have no damn clue of what the page on the right was supposed to be ngl

the one on the left is cute tho, I've had these ocs since like 8th grade, I should draw them more

again, a pretty meh spread, made out of pretty mid drawings. The mushroom guy is a dnd race called zethlera, and I get way more comfortable doing these little guys in the future, y'all will see

This is getting way too long and I'm getting tired of it so I'll put a stop to ir rn and add more in the future. I'll post them all under the "memese's scketchbook shenanigans" for future reference

[pulim-v]

Back again. I was gonna wait but I don’t have a lot of patience lmao. I would totally read anything you shared cause it actually sounds really interesting :D For now tho, more questions!

Is your magic system based on anything?

If you were in your story, what role do you think you’d play (sorry if this is a weird question, it’s just what I do when I write)? Like as an example, who would you be friends with, who would you be against?

What do you do whenever you have writers block?

And then this one is just cause I’m curious, how long have you been on tumblr?

Oh this is kinda surprising lol I wasn't expecting more questions! Thanks again for asking, and I think I'll post a small bit of writing after this :]

1. Honestly my magic system isn't fully mine lol, my friend @\mykz-artchive has a whole world with a bunch of stories and I made FGCC in it to explore some stuff about the magic - as to the way I portray it, though, I'd say there's a lot of stuff that I tend to get inspired by, ig some examples of that are The Owl House, Fullmetal Alchemist Undertale

Idk if you want that but I'm also going to explain some stuff about the magic that is important: Magic in this world is sorted into two types, those being Elemental Magic, where you control the four standard elements, lightning, light, darkness, and pretty much any sort of matter, and Manipulation Magic, where you influence the way matter acts, like changing its weight ir size, its general properties, or even doing stuff like healing. Most people tend to use the former, with the latter being quite uncommon. Additionally, naturally occurring "wild" Magic is quite volatile, so its use was illegal until a bit before the events of my story, with most people just using the less dangerous, artificially processed and toned down "tamed" Magic. Lastly, people in this world don't have the physical capabilities to handle many different types of magic so the most you'll ever see someone using is three, with most people using either one or two. There's a lot more that is important about the magic system but this is what I can say without making this answer dar too long LMAO

2. That's a really interesting question! I'm not really that sociable and I'm really introverted so I'm not really sure, from the main cast I think the person I have the highest chance of being close to is Octavia, so I'd probably be with her when Shit Goes Down and things get messy with her, Spark and Fern (she does kinda have her own friend group off in the background but I wouldn't be with them that often since I don't think we'd even have overlapping classes lol)

3. Ok so I don't write much and my skills for dealing with art block are terrible but I'll try to answer this lmao

Honestly I'm dealing with a bit of art block right now, I haven't been able to come up with a new outfit for Dew in days and it's getting really really annoying, so what I try to do sometimes is to either juggle WIPs I already have to see if anything gets done, I doodle stuff I'm already familiar with like just the characters' faces, or I try to mess with older drawings to see if I can make anything better (even if it's just coloring better lol). Right now, I'm going to pass a bunch of older notebook drawings over to my sketchbook so I can actually post them without the annoying-ass lines in the notebook, and I hope that'll help a bit with going back to Dew later :]

4. I think since late 2020, my oldest post is from September 4th so it's probably from around then, though I only really started using Tumblr I think in late 2022 when I started to post art here lol

[levbolton]

I remember seeing your post about no one getting Yatora from blp and I’m really interested in hearing your take on him. :D

This one? I made it bcs everyone says they kin yatora and only they can understand him idk

Yatora’s just tryna blend in and get by without much attention, ir at least this is what he was before he got into art. A simple comfortable life he doesnt have to think too much for

Idk him that well tho, bcs art does make his individuality or should make his individuality surface, but till now he’s just depressed

[byzzii]

i’m posting to say when i say i’m a yhb supremacist i don’t mean this imposter -w-)

[ooowyn]

I got tagged in two Get To Know Me..memes? (is that what they’re called lskjdhf)

One from @voughno and another from @brglhobbit I’ll put them below cut not to clog the dash up! I tag @temporoyales

🎵 first 10 shuffled songs 🎵

Shadowbringers Main Theme Reimagined 

Cake By The Ocean - DNCE

Gradanpop’s Uke - Forrest

Vincent (Starry, Starry Night) - Don McLean

New Soul - Yael Naim

Hello Goodbye - toconoma

Battle! Gym Leader Remix Cover -  Vetrom

A Theme For Hobbits - Chris Hooper

REBIRTH - Hez-kun feat. YAMINE RENRI 1.5

I’m the bad 2009 -  ℓαsαιℓℓαx

Second one I’ve got is: 

30 Questions

1. name or nickname: owyn! it’s a penname I gave myself when i was really young that followed be around

2. gender: ░░░░░░

3. star sign aquarius! 

4. height: taller than bilbo and thorin :]

5. time: does this mean fav time??evening and early morningif i actually am awake for it

6. bday: ░░░░░░

7. fav band(s): UH... Emotional Orange /DNCE / LMFAO / does Vocaloid count LMAO I don’t know BANDS... I JUST LISTEN TO WHATEVER

8. fav solo artist(s): Hayd, Nito, Forrest / John Mayer / All the ppl in the SPIDERVERSE soundtrack, THEY. , slenderbodies

9. song stuck in your head: USSEEWA 

10. last movie: Fellowship of the Ring (same brgl.....)

11. last show: honestly cannot remember. i don’t watch tv skdjfhksjhdg

12. when did i create this blog: like... i opened it Oct 20th 2020, then lurked and didn’t use it. First time I used it was on Jan 1st 2021 to reblog Legolas going happy new years sluts :]

13. what do i post: My art! And a SHIT ton of Bagginshield LMAO also little sprinkles of other games like FFXIV / Monster Hunter / Destiny and whatever else comes up

14. last thing i googled:how do i get money back if i over paid the irs :’]

15. other blogs: no other blogs that I care to share! this is my only active one!

16. do i get asks: not really no, tho i do have some art requests in there I need to work on! 

17. why i chose my url: it’s my penname and i like to keep my social media accounts all under the same name! 

18. following: 85 ! 

19. followers:412 (WHY............)

20. avg hrs of sleep: God I wish i knew. what’s normal for me is 3-4 am sleep to 11am skjdhfkjh so... 7 hours?

21. lucky no.: idk???? 

22. instruments:I play the Flute! I’ve done so for 14 years! I also can play the piano and oboe, but it’s way more casual

23. what i’m wearing:uh... long sleeve shirt and some workout pants 

24. dream job:what I’m currently doing!! freelance artist :’D

25. dream trip: train trip around Europe to visit all the fanciest botanical gardens and parks (I”m JUST STEALING YOUR STUFF BRGL, THIS IS EXACTLY MY WANT AS WELL) 

26. fave food: italian

27. nationality:dumbass

28. fav song:my fav changes a lot, right now tho it’s Stop This Train by John Mayer

30. top 3 fictional universes i wanna live in: middle earth....eorzea...middle earth LMAO

[arch-i-techs]

Hey! Im obsessed with your excitement over "watcher lore" but idk what it is. I would love to know more! I Understand if its too much to explain tho.

Also, your art is amazing!!!

Oh! Aw man Anon, not gonna lie, I'm probably not the best person to answer this question, but I'll try my best to explain!

So, before Last Life and even before Hermitcraft, Grian created/co-created an SMP called "Minecraft Evolution" or "EVO" for short. It was a series where the Players would go through each update of Minecraft from the beginning.

In that series, there was an outside force known as the "Watchers". They, true to their name, watched over the Evolutionists. From what I know, they were a very passive force, and liked to "test" the Evolutionists by giving them puzzles, nothing inherently malicious. I think they mostly helped the players go through an "update" to the new versions.

They're not without personality though, in the specific case of Grian, he's drawn their ire more than once and they retaliated by placing obsidian over his chests.

Anyway, there's not really much known about them, except, at the end of Grian's time on EVO, the Watchers "took" him and made him a Watcher.

He became a Watcher of Evo, while the players of EVO continued on. I think the main idea is that the Watchers are the "admins" of EVO, but that was never confirmed (i think).

Apart from that, I don't think we've gotten any other lore or story from Grian about the Watchers themselves, but the fandom (me) really loves the idea of Grian being some all-powerful and mostly, mischievous little bugger, so the Watcher stuff tends to get added to a lot of fanfiction/fanart/aus/etc.

A lot of the "watchers are evil" type of stuff comes from the fandom since in canon they're mostly really like... a kind of higher being that's watching the Evolutionists like they're test subjects.

That's really the basics of it! I don't think anyone expected Martyn to bring up Watcher stuff, so even if it's not canon, it's still super cool to see!

There's more to the lore like the Listeners, but I honestly don't know too much about them. I hope this explains at least a little bit anon, though I'm sure you can find much better explanations out there.

If I missed something, please let me know!!

[rubyneo]

♡ Cherry/Sage

♡ White

♡ 20

♡ They/Them (TME)

♡ Bisexual

♡ Mainly RWBY

♡ Untagged queue

♡ Art

♡ Edits

♡ Writing

Heyyy I'm Cherry! i have rwby brainrot and love blake and ruby <3 so much

usual DNI criteria applies and i use the block button liberally <3

uhhh <16 atf, 25> atf

pansexuals dni

proshippers/anti antis/what the fuck ever are not allowed here i hope yall choke <3

pansexuality/omnisexuality/polysexuality and bisexuality are the same thing. dont agree? hate me? leave. hit the block on your way out

bi lesbians (or mspec lesbians or whatever the fuck 🙄) dont exist. if you are attracted to men and women you are bisexual!

if you interact with transjnpr or any of their friends pls dont interact with me i do not care anymore

other stuff:

uhhh nsfw is tagged as #not sfw OR #explicit depending on what is being depicted

i will always tag triggers if you ask and i try to tag common ones. i just tag as the name so if you need a specific tag, lmk!

i mainly reblog rwby but i also talk about mdzs, tsomd, animanga, etc. everything fandom is usually tagged but sometimes i just toss it in the queue which is completely untagged

sometimes i talk ab spn. im very critical of the show and its racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia. i am an unironic enjoyer of it tho and im doing a full series liveblog. please blacklist "cherry spnposting" if you don't want to see that 😔😔

okay here's a fuller list of my current (sometimes cringe) interests:

nbc hannibal

supernatural

rwby

mdzs

dc comics (specifically batman bc i have an unhealthy attachment to jason todd 🙄🙄)

sometimes i make edits and recently that has included amvs. i found free editing software for mobile with no logo so now i'm unstoppable!

i tag the q slur as q slur or q word and i do not care if you dont like that <3

uhhh i fucking hate clo//ver ebi and fa/ir/game so dont talk to me about them

i dont ship bb or wr or nnd, i hate snow/bird, and i will be a major cunt about this. i will not post content for any of these things ESP not bb or wr. i dont care for them. this is a ladybug zone!!!!

i love enemies to lovers ships and like actual for real enemies to lovers not that weak shit of 'they sort of irritate me' i mean ACTUALLY enemies. different sides. hating the object of their affection and themselves for not really hating them because they Love them. this includes snowfall and tyrianqrow sorry lmao <3

NEO AND ROMAN HAVE A CANON 10 YEAR AGE GAP, BITCHES. NO GLTOS ALLOWED

mutuals feel free to add me on discord! cherry <3#0320

spice//creams yall can stay but like idk. dont try to talk to me ab it shsnsnsnnd

all of my ruby/neo content made prior to November 11th 2021 was made with the headcanon that neo was similar in age to team rwby/emerald and mercury. my fic the girls who fell through the world was started at the same time that headcanon was still a valid one and as such the neo in that fic will remain 19-20!

in REDemption skate park au posts the characters are all adults! ruby is 22, emerald and mercury are 25, and neo is 27.

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[wall-eye]

Am I doing too much for a thing due tomorrow? Probably.

Am I trying my best, to show up the people at the other table who definitely didnt do their best? Maybe a little, yea

Am I kinda sorta showing off too, since I know these will be hung on the hall walls when they get turned in? Hell yes. If people are going to look at my stuff it's going to be the best I can get it

Art hard.

[scifiphan]

☀️ i'm in the humanities boat, i wanna do a ba (or maybe b of languages and linguistics if i go to griffith) and i'm actually in reedy creek so my closest griffith is the gc one haha (also it's suprisingly simple to get to uq st lucia from the varsity lakes train station). and yes ugh uq's art majors just like i wanna do most of them they sound amazing, im finding picking majors fairly difficult

omg yeah ur pretty close to the gc campus. as someone who did a ba at griffith for 1 year,,, i must say it’s good but the majors are limited compared to uq. the arts professors are super super lovely and the people who do it are a lot friendlier than people in my ir degree lmaoooo. the creative writing major sucks (idk if the Worst Professor is still teaching but if he is 🔪🔪🔪) but the islam major is fantastic!!!!!!, also my friends who did history, sociology, international politics, and english lit all seemed to enjoy their classes. the first year compulsory classes are boring but you make a lot of friends in them out of mutual suffering so dhdfhsjsdj that’s a plus.

one of my best friends does languages and linguistics (up at nathan tho) and her classes seem so interesting! she showed me her assignment for a translation class and i was like,,,, so interested in it. she said that first year was the hardest bc a lot of basic to cover. 

(+ if you choose to learn a language as a major (possible in either degree) i gotta say the languages staff are so !!!!! friendly !!!!!!!!!! gc campus only offers 4 languages (spanish, japanese, chinese, italian) but nathan offers double that or u can go up to uq for v specific languages like greek and stuff. i took spanish for 2 years and i love victoria,,, she’s such a good teacher and the way language classes are organised you end up really friendly with other students. i had to drop spanish bc a diploma on top of my bachelor was Too Much but !!! yeah!!!! languages at griffith is rly good!!!

but if u do go to uq, moving up would probs end up being something u do. another best friend of mine does chem eng up there and he took the train from varsity every day but after 2 years he was like lmao fuck this i’m moving to bris (he is so glad he did that). uq majors look so cool like,,,, archaeology,,,, if i had the op to get into uq i would have done that and my life would’ve been different.

[sternbilder]

the games i played to completion in 2017, ranked in order of how much i liked them

mostly for my own reference and i’m gonna try to keep this out of the tags but read on if you want to read about me getting super excited about video games i guess

p/ersona 5 - look i know this wasn’t a perfect game like there are Several Large Complaints i would like to file regarding plot and pacing and premise even but this was. still my favorite game of 2017 and just such an enjoyable 120 hours to have spent holy fuck?? like everyone’s always talking about how stylish p5 is and goddamn are they right like it’s such a gorgeous game!! the loving detail they put into every aspect of the UI, the beautiful character sprites, that effortlessly cool contemporary tokyo vibe that oozes into every aspect of the game!! and the gameplay (which i played on normal difficulty, being a series beginner) was both challenging and rewarding and both the dungeons and the school life segments (considering the sheer variety of Shit You Could Do not to mention all the charming-ass characters with compelling sideplots) were just. an absolute treat?? plus the soundtrack to this game was just killer so there’s also that

n/ier: automata - SPEAKING OF GAMES WITH GR8 SOUNDTRACKS. i think this game’s soundtrack probably ranks up there with my favorite video game OSTs of ALL TIME FOREVER like seriously. it is so so good. anyway friends it took me four (4) days to beat this game and another full 24 hours just to process this game like. y’all know i’m always a slut for sad robots and BOY HOWDY did this game have that thing. not only is the game itself gorgeous but i’m pretty much in love with the Entire cast (but especially 9S, who is my special son) and i’m crying,, eternally,, about the c/d/e routes and even though it probably wasn’t the Most impressive and best written game Ever it had a lot of good twists and revelations and a real sense of weight and suspense esp. in the later playthroughs which i am ALL ABOUT. not being much of an action RPG person i never really fell in love w/ the combat but it was fun enough even though it got kind of repetitive and too hack-and-slashy for my taste after a while?? actually fuck the bullet hell hacking minigame tho if i’m gonna be real

f/ire emblem fates (birthright, conquest, and revelation) - listen i know this game was like objectively garbage but i’m still trying to justify having spent a literal 1/3 of my year playing it so bear with me for just 2 hot seconds. first of all hi yes there’s a running theme here bc i dig the shit out of fe14′s OST?? also even though the plot was kind of a mess the characters and supports still grew on me a lot after a while and actually the gameplay was really fun?? maybe it’s bc i played it on hard/classic (as opposed to fea which i played on normal/casual) but i really enjoyed the combat a lot more in these games than fea--actually i do think there’s actually a lot of actual improvements here, especially with all the new classes, the improved dual guard/dual strike rules, and no fucking weapon durability, etc. as well as a lot of the more unusual victory conditions (in conquest and revelation, not so much in birthright) like i feel like there were a lot of highlights and i genuinely enjoyed the battles in fe14 a lot and sure the whole waifu nintendogs concept is creepy as hell and babyrealm is a fucking joke but i still thought this was a Pretty good or at least enjoyable game so you can fight me on that front

d/anganronpa v3 - ok let me me the first to admit that i honestly?? don’t really like dr as a franchise very much and the only real reason i got into it in the first place is to fill the ace attorney-shaped hole in my heart in between releases thereof (as well as superficial similarities to other games i like, like ze) and while i still enjoy the gameplay and investigating and mystery-solving parts of it and those aspects i still find very enjoyable and well-written a lot of the rest of the games really kind of fall flat for me?? like tbh i’m not a huge fan of the art style, the sense of humor and localization don’t really do it for me, the characters are cute but kind of over-the-top and not super relatable to me personally, and honestly the whole ~evil mastermind did it for the lulz~ trope being played super straight disappointed me a lot about the first game especially?? that being said i know this is a bit of a base breaker but i actually really liked the direction that sdr2 took with its ending and it made me hopeful for the sequel, which brings me to drv3 which surprised me in a lot of pleasant ways?? like personally i think it’s the best dr yet and while i can see why people would be disappointed with the ending and feel like it may be a cop-out i think it was still clever enough that i appreciate it for trying?? or maybe it’s just bc i didn’t like the original so much and the departure from that felt like kind of a breath of relief but that’s just me idk

f/inal fantasy x - guess who was late to the party and played her first final fantasy in this year of the lord 2017!!! it’s me!!! honestly i was expecting more from this game overall in terms of plot just because it’s such a Classic and all but fwiw i still liked it?? i didn’t super love any of the main characters and the story was a little predictable and even though i played the remaster it’s still an obviously dated game but NEVERTHELESS it was still just a solid RPG and i genuinely enjoyed playing it!! i should play the sequel sometime but. i’ll get to it after i clear out this massive backlog i have currently as we speak sobs

the witness - i don’t talk about this game enough bc honestly it isn’t the kind of game that can have a real fanbase (no real characters or plot, etc.) but i still enjoyed the fuck out of this, holy hell. i mean it’s i guess kind of an open-world exploration-slash-puzzle concept which sounds kind of boring but the world is gorgeous and the way the game presents these puzzles for you to solve and teaches you the rules in a way that’s entirely self-explanatory and intuitive but still super difficult and ultimately rewarding is just so gratifying and i was just so so impressed at how creative they got with these puzzle designs and the way the world seems to unfold itself the more you unlock its secrets?? anyway i know this is near the bottom bc i do love me a video game story and this particular game doesn’t have that but PLAY THIS GAME IF YOU LIKE PUZZLES IT IS JUST SO COOL AND FUN AND GOOD

the n/onary games (999 only) - this is a replay but still worth mentioning i think?? obviously 999 is one of my favorite games of all time and i was super pumped about the remake and while i didn’t quite enjoy it as much as the very first time i played 999 on my DS it was still a good game!! tbh i mostly just played this game for the voice acting which i was pretty impressed with, and also i got to pick up a lot of the bilingual bonuses i obviously missed while playing my localized copy of the original game which was cool!! i wasn’t as impressed with the updated sprites unfortunately, i felt like their quality was inconsistent and some of them looked like kind of a rush job to me but ymmv i guess?? i think overall i still prefer the DS version even with improvements like the flow chart in the newer version, mostly because 1. i actually appreciated having to literally replay parts of the game in the former bc i feel like it’s more in the spirit of the game if you know what i mean, and 2. some details near the ending that they changed, which you definitely know what i mean if you played the game. still, i appreciate that it’s made the game more widely accessible and if you haven’t played the game pls go play this game i’m literally begging u,,

u/mineko (question arcs only) - ok the only reason i have this 8th on this list is just bc i haven’t technically finished it yet and BOY am i the kind of person who lives entirely for that sweet sweet payoff but there really isn’t THAT much i can say?? like thanks to the ps3 patch the art is pretty decent i guess?? i’m liking all the characters so far?? there’s a whole lot of Bullshit that doesn’t make any sense at this point but i’ve been promised metagame and mindfuck in due time so i guess i’ll just have to see?? yeah this is more of a tbd review than anything i don’t really know what to say besides i’m just so eager to play the other half of this game and get the answers to all these gotdamn MYSTERIES already

braid - i mostly just played this bc i knew it was made by the same person?? studio?? as the witness and while i liked braid and i really enjoyed the puzzles it was just too short for it to have really made an impression on me?? like i know that there is a story and a Twist but it didn’t really do much for me with how abstract it was and just in terms of sheer volume of content it doesn’t quite compare to the other games on this list like don’t get me wrong it was still good!! and if you need a way to kill an afternoon i still highly recommend it but it just wasn’t as memorable to me as p5 or nier was unfort

[daehnii]

tagged by the sweet bab @foxjae​

Rules: answer 30 questions then tag 20 Blogs Questions 1. Nicknames: Uh lmfao my name is Lei so idk how to shorten that

but my friend jokingly calls me Lee cause I space out and when I was in kindergarten to third grade i went by Xiaolei (Shee-ow-lay) cause my dad filled out my name sheet wrong LOL cause in Chinese my name is 闫晓蕾 （yan xiao lei) but in english it’s Lei Xiao Yan so he was confused lmfao 

2.Gender: Female

3. Star sign: V ir g o 

4.Height: 171 cm 

5.Time: 10:36 pm

6. Birthday: September 17th!!!

7. Favorite bands: B.A.P!!!! only band I follow but I listen to a lot of other bands in diff genres

8. Favorite solo artists: hmm rn it would be 

9. Song stuck in my head: The Suicide hotline song by LOGIC

10. Last movie I watched: KIMI NO NAWA (your name) GOD FUCK PLS GO WATCHTHIS MOVIE

11. Last show I watched: Brooklyn Nine Nine!!!!!! ALSO QUALITY SHOW

12. When did I create my blog: like fuckin mid 2011 

13. What do I post: B.A.P bois and fanart and other jazz i do lmfao 

14. Last thing googled: Genicecream twitter (a phenomenal artist pls check her out)

15.Do you have other blogs: 

Hmm @zelo-net​ (PLS i need to open admin applications I’m struggling) 

@leixyan​ (ART BLOG V NEW PLS SUPPORT TY)

  @xiaoleii​ (like sideblog for art I like and things i find beautiful/helpful)

 @daeyanyans​ (i have a fic blog... bc i write sometimes as well.... hint it’s mostly daelo rn LMFAO but i got many things planned if only school wasnt beating me up rn lol)

  @bapfics​ (a bapfic rec blog started by @bapofficial​) 

16. Do you get asks: it’s like a toss up LOL sometimes i get them for ask games but otherwise I don’t ever really ahhahaha 

p l s talk to me i swear im nice but also suck at responding timely but otherwise its chill

17. Why did you chose your URL: ohh it’s a nickname for Daehyun that I thought was absolutely precious!!! and it’s all thanks to @kitty-dae​ ;; cause she had it saved and gave it to me and i love it ILU ARI 

18. Following: 202! I know that there’s more B.A.P blogs popping up but I’m like the worst at finding blogs also i try not to follow multifandom blogs and try to keep my dash either art or b.a.p (sorry pls still talk to me tho) 

19. Followers: 1110! TY TY

20. Favourite colors: Yellow!!! and peach!!!

21. Average hours of sleep: recently I’ve been trying to fix myself and going for 7 hours at least

22. Lucky number: 17

23. Instruments: No none lmfao

24. What am I wearing: Big black sweatshirt! and athletic shorts lmfao 

25. How many blankets I sleep with: 2

26. Dream job: Freelance illustrator!!!! PLS 

27. Dream trip: As long as I’m with good company and in a beautiful place that’s the best

28. Favourite food: uh fuck this sounds boring as heck but rice lmfao

29. Nationality: American Born Chinese ABC

30. Favourite song right now: Sparkle-radwimps (it’s from the Your Name movie and i l o ve it omg) 

I’m gonna tag @kitty-dae @bapofficial @daestopiaa @daehyunny @infamouskem @spookyjaaes @fluffyzelo @zeloswaffles @bangedhim @jion-a @vanillajae @b-ap