#idk if this was an experience unique to me but i used to not be able to listen to this song
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Thats a good point, I see all kinds of neurodivergence in my family but only a couple of us in my generation, afaik, have a diagnosis.
However, my gp attended a recent talk about overlap of queer folk with neurodivergence and also a group of comorbid illnesses including, iirc, POTS/MCAS/EDS/CFS theres a couple others Im just blanking. Digestive issues? Things that we've broadly noticed as a community, and it seems like its starting to be studied.
And also, everyone has some kind of trauma, idk how many people if any have no kind of disability whatsoever, humanity is vast and diverse. And we're wired to look for patterns. Interpret this information how you will, I certainly cant say for sure if these patterns are broader than trans people, or are more people trans than we expect, are we seeing correlation or causation or is there a mechanism in common with all these labels thats the deeper cause, is queerness an interchangeable/'sometimes' factor or a central one, we are way too early to know that yet.
I think its probably not nothing. But we're also not uniquely fucked up. Maybe we're just sticking out, so to speak, so thats where the research is starting. Many people werent taking ME/CFS seriously until long covid prompted more research bc, iirc, there was now a lot more people affected who were harder to ignore. And who were seeking help. Like a lot of people have an allergy or a dodgy wrist or "that weird thing with my digestion" and they dont consider it a disability or seek treatment, yknow? And especially mental health and especially what runs in families, it looks normal to you so why would you ever bring it up to a dr? "Everyone struggles with these things. Everyone feels this way" well you do and your parents and aunts and uncles do and your siblings do, and maybe you told a dr forty years ago you were in pain and they brushed you off so you thought everyone was walking around in agony.
And that gets into an adjacent conversation about medicalising and diagnosing and when does that help and when is it like, making a negative thing of normal human experiences and variations, its not a disorder till its negatively impacting your life, if youre surviving but treatment could help you thrive is it worth the side effects etc etc plus the whole discussion of psychiatry in particular which can be an amount of guesswork and diagnostic labels are often just patterns of symptoms that we see oftrn go together and we dont always yet understand the underlying neurology. (One of my all time best therapists kept up with the latest neuroscience and always had very good and effective suggestions. I only stopped seeing her bc I moved away. If you can be seeing professionals who are keeping up with research, definitely prefer them over someone who hasnt learned anything since they completed training 50 years ago. Always.)
Tl;dr I agree with OP and also this stuff is extremely complex and we're always learning new things about us!
something that should be taken with a grain of salt are the statistics talking about the high rates of mental illness + neurodivergence among trans people (ocd, bpd, adhd, autism, etc)
I see both sides of the political spectrum taking these studies at face value - conservatives say we're broken, and trans people try to come up with reasons why for example autism + gender dysphoria makes sense and why one of them feeds into another
at the end of the day you have to remember that we're the one category of people on this planet who are legally required to go see a psychiatrist in order to receive non-psychiatric medication and surgeries.
more trans people are in therapy by law than any other demographic of people, and as a result, this captures more comorbidities.
if I had to look at my own family & rates of mental illness?
mom, dad, 2 maternal aunts, maternal grandmother, paternal grandmother, sister, sibling, and me all have OCD.
7/9 of them are cishet, never been to therapy, never diagnosed. 2/9 are trans, required therapy for hormone treatment, and were diagnosed.
you don't have to do any math to just see that the resulting statistics end up intensely skewed.
and we can think back to how autism was virtually never diagnosed more than 50 years ago - ruling out any grandparents being included in statistics - and even my parents' generation (they're in their 60s now) wouldn't have been included either.
I don't think it's to anyone's benefit to accept these studies uncritically. a lot of these things are hereditary and far more prevalent in the overall population than people realize
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Secrets of the Obscure is alright and all but am I the only one kinda miffed that they ripped off a lot of it from Dragon Age: Inquisition and didn't really add or change enough to be it's own unique thing?
even the rift hunting mechanic is Exactly The Same, because you Open the rift, then fight something then close it. the animation is almost 1-1 and even the eye in the rift looks like the Inquisition eye. if it wasn't for the fact that Even The Mechanic is the same I might not have noticed it so much, but the more I play the more blatant it feels
and then their wizard lore also just feels like how demons come out of the Fade in Dragon Age to possess mages. it's almost exact
disclaimer that I'm still enjoying it because it's fun and I like that we get to see Zojja again and have a better map for practicing skyscales for those who don't have one yet, but uh...this whole plot was stolen!
and yes I know there are certain fantasy tropes that re-occur in fantasy over and over, but this doesn't feel like that. it feels like the writers legit just snapped the base ideas from DAI and then barely added or changed anything to make it uniquely Guild Wars
imo it's definitely the weakest of all the packs
which is a shame because I LOVEDDDDD the intro. the whole sequence of having to defend yourself and run for your life was so ridiculously tense, I really felt like I was playing a horror game
but now I'm on Ep. 7 and all the potential feels wasted because I feel like I'm playing the underwritten fanfiction of another game that I already played 10 years ago and didn't like that much the first time
#guild wars#guild wars 2#gw2#secrets of the obscure#gw2 soto#I do really feel it's like#Ridiculously Blatant#like idk how they're getting away with it without everyone roasting them for plagarism blatant#like you can take core ideas like rifts and demon possession and make it into your own#but SOTO presents the idea and it just feels 1-1 like how it was in DA#and I think to myself oh well they'll build on it to make it unique probably!#but then every new bit of lore just makes me go#''oh like in Dragon Age??''#a lot of things haven't even been explained but the game acts like I should Just Know#and I wonder if it's because they figured ''well everyone probably played Dragon Age so they can figure it out'' lol#I hope Janthir Wilds feels more like a uniquely GW experience#because so far SOTO is prob my least fave pack#they can't all be bangers I get that#but also you could have made more of an attempt to tie things into GW world and make it unique#instead of just dumping all this new frankensteined lore from another franchise#and using “well lol it's all about the mists!” as an excuse for why it's so random and obviously borrowed from other media
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i know like i just know in my heart of hearts that sanji has been smoking the same shitty bedraggled cigarette the whole time. three years. he takes one puff and puts that thing right back in his pocket and it gets waterlogged and messed up and dries out eventually and then he does it all over again and that's why it looks worse and worse with each arc. id normally never give him this honor but honestly? line cook behavior.
#the real one piece was sanji's shitty fucking cig the whole time#anyway im stressed out on his behalf (zou) which is such a new experience for me idk how to feel#one piece#vinsmoke sanji#well i get to use that tag now. cats out of the bag#black leg sanji#he did something that make me go oh sanji :( and again it was such a unique experience for me i was like hold on a minute#i thought i was a hater#out of all the time skip designs btw he looks the most 'its still me but it's been two years' like you can really see it in these eps#luffy looks the same. hi luffy <3. zoro/nami/robin all went up two cup sizes somehow#chopper lost his cuteness imo. i think frankys new arms are soooo fun.#and brook got a feather boa so happy for him
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me when my card declines at therapy so they bring out the
#camp camp#idk if this was an experience unique to me but i used to not be able to listen to this song#bc it just triggered an indescribable but rather unpleasant feeling that wouldnt go away for hours#idk what that was about but anyways im fine now the song no longer makes me want to lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling fan for hours#idk being 14 years old was one of the worst things that ever happened to me
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hi! i wanted to ask, what did you mean by "that specific type of nonbinary people" in your post about the term tme? i'm asking this out of legitimate curiosity, i'm kind of new to all of this (had to google what tme stands for), but hopefully i'm not overstepping!
not overstepping! ive had a bit to drink so im not articulating myself well, but i just see so much transmisogyny from tme nb people who don't fully understand what trans women go through because they personally haven't experienced medical or institutional or workplace transphobia. this doesn't mean they're invalid as nb/trans people, it just means they don't have this specific experience and can perpetuate bigotry bc of it. eg; i'm gay but not bi, i can perpetuate negative stereotypes about other queer men bc of this.
as a trans man i know trans men can be extremely transmisogynistic, but i think i have more in common with a transitioning trans woman than i do a tme nb person who doesn't want to transition in terms of life experience. ofc everyone experiences gender differently etc etc, but if we're comparing experiences that's where i am. and i've experienced as much transphobia from this type of nb person than i have cis people so i do think having different experiences can beget ignorance.
#ask#Anonymous#sorry i had soo much to drink i hope u know what i mean. online the people who have been most transphobic to me have been tme#nb people lol so idk how to explain tbis#since starting t ive had tme nb people call me disgusting violent smelly (all without meeting me irl) ive been called a predator#ive been denied jobs bc i have gay voice bc i changed my name and they saw my deedpoll#ive been bullied at work by people who found out i used to be a woman#it's a unique and horrible experience and sorry but if you wont experience it it IS a privilege
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i feel like the makeup standards are not necessarily going to get Worse, just. stay the Same. "raised by sephora and ulta" christ alive yall act like this shit is new. as if this hasnt been the standard to blast young girls with makeup ads and shit via magazine and tv and imposed beauty standards anyway. the only real difference is like, idk, accessibility of tutorials for how to apply it well
#toy txt post#spoken as. a no makeup bitch#altho i have also been accused by a terf of wearing a pound if makeup for wearing. visible lipstick in a selfie. and that was It#the actual Beauty Standard has largely stayed the exact fucking same of like making your skin texture as fake as possible#that was the standard back then too but it was harder to achieve /know how to do it cos there werent tutorials the same way now#also yes sephora and ulta are evil and all that but like the same amount theyve always been.#yall really acting like these imposed beauty standards being exposed to children is like a new unique tiktom thing thats never happened#before. and yall blaming instagram are no fuckin better. this has been happening The Entire God Damn Time#also theres something rubbing me about the way this is getting talked about. 'she did all thos other arbitrary bullshit except this#One Thing! the discrimination against this one thing is awful!#and like. it is. but i feel like we could address that while also maybe stepping back a tiny bit further and questioning these arbitrary#standards of professionalism too while we're at it#why does she have to have a blazer either? why do the earrings have to be understated#why do the colors have ti be bland and boring? why does he hair have to be a natural color and gender conforming ?#etc etc etc#like if we're accepting all that other shit the ppl upset about this could acknowledge she might experience similar discrimination for say#very obvious goth or punk-y makeup or anything a little too far outside the bounds of the acceptable beauty standard#everyone is pissed about 'eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man' but theyd be saying nothing if she was discriminated for fuckin#big wings and black lipstick bc well thats Obviously not professional standard makeup. okay?#if we change how we look at professional standards of dress and makeup as a whole to include Fucking Freak Bitches#then it would be a lot easier to include No Makeup in there as welllllll#idk#im a no makeup bitch with blue hair whos only ever worked in warehouses so they didnt give too much of a shit about my lack of makeup#or blue hair as long as i didnt show up in like flip flops which is a Reasonable dress code bc its got an actual fucking reason#(safety so you dont lose your goddamn toes to a box or a grate or some shit) vs it makes the office corpo bros sad#anyway idk if you have the privilege to get away with it i think you should dress weirder in the office to get them used to weirder dress#maybe instead of Suddenly going No Makeup sort of slowly lessen the amount so its not a Sudden change or smth#again: if you have the privilege and job security to get away with it#also also also: easier to get away with if you were to say. mask. js. they cant get mad at schrodingers lack of lipstick
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#wait not rbing the post bc honestly i don't like stirring shit but. 'afag' is fucking awesome. afag kinda fucks#first impression anyway first feelings about it LMFAOO LIKE. a lot to be said about assigned gender at birth language#and how it only serves to uphold an oppressive status quo and also i always really don't like to hear#like. the sentiment that transmascs/men will 'fall back' on their agab to absolve themselves of anything#like... i esp have a hard time w it bc i have zero hint of woman in me. i got a funky presentation but an absolutely set in stone gender.#so like. those sentiments are esp bitter in my mouth bc like. that is the last thing i would ever want to fucking do.#but i do have an extremely complex relationship w my agab how i was raised and focally how i coped w it#maybe i'm misuing terms but i feel like 'socialization' language can be useful but ONLY. on that specific person's terms.#you shouldn't use it to 'make sense of' or describe someone else's experience.#and absolutely shouldn't be used to reinvent/reinforce the gender binary. that's stupid.#idk idk everybody who doesn't fit neatly into the cis status quo faces unique forms of bigotry based on whatever 'category' they 'slot into'#came free w being punished by a system that doesn't want you to exist the way you do.#any which way i do feel like an afag patch could serve cunt........... that's just how i feel atm though.#it does speak to me...
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Enough about kolob, enough about cain/Bigfoot, enough about secret languages and creepy occult shit that sure, might be believed in flds cults down in the south of the state but that aren’t that relevant to wider church culture. The only similar thing that should be talked about is polygamy, and not in a "oh those crazy mormons i bet they all still do it hardehar har" but in a way that reminds everyone that the founders of this religion were horrible men and the whole thing has been sexist from the very beginning,
lets talk about soaking, about repression, about feeling trapped and making what seems like the biggest decision of your life at eight years old, even when you all know its not really your choice. lets talk about how impossible it is to be rude, when rudeness is considered saying no to anyone or not talking to people who make you uncomfortable. lets talk about the racist and colonialist foundations of the church, how no one will say it but technically yes our children are taught that native americans are the descendants of the evil race who killed all of our heroes. lets talk about missions as a tool of colonization and power and how they're not only a way to beat down the young people who go on them to solidify the idea that the world hates them and only the church is safe, but also to assimilate and collect money from people all over the world. lets talk about all the shit that makes this religion a horrible oppressive environment to grow up in, the way that afab people are taught from like three years old that one day they will grow up to be mothers, and everything else that i cant type all of because its really just a whole horrible culture of fear and shame packed into beige carpeted walls and squeaky gym floors.
tldr, the stuff that makes Mormonism bad isnt that different than any other religion, its mostly sexism racism homophobia and transphobia, and of course the terror of polite manners and the implications thereof.
this post is actually supposed to be funny because me and my cousin couldn't stop cracking up about soaking, like, a couple on a dating app looking for a third but its not for a threesome its for soaking, cmon its hysterical. anyway,,,,
#exmo#part of the unique mormon experience is hearing all these ridiculous things and of course its used by the church as a tool#like#“oh they misunderstand us but we are right and in the final day they will all look foolish”#blarge#the mormon churches massive throbbing victim complex#exmormon#apparently soaking isnt supposed to involve movement at all so the people doing the jumping are an unprecedented part of the equation#pov my other cousin came up while we were talking and they thought soaking was like#getting 'fluids' on your clothes then having the other person wear them? thats not it btw but it was funny#anyway my cousin went to a byu camp and got flyers for their virginity club#so if i ever make a joke like#"let me stop you there. virginity is the coolest thing on this planet#and in 20 years when you're sad and depressed and the only thing you have is gonorrhea#ill have saved myself for a strong#loving marriage#pr following that template#i am referencing a business card for the byu virginity club#which logically soaking cant disqualify you from otherwise people would just have real sex right?#idk byu students are strange creatures
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one thing that has stuck with me from the latest kerfuffle i got into on twitter is like. there was one person arguin w one the homies that my bio stating i was white isnt accurate because white people cant be people of colour or a poc so putting 'white' in my bio was the reason people wouldnt acknoweldge Im mixed. and like. that shit has stuck w me
cuz to me that seems fucked up towards mixed ppl like me who have that white background mixed with some non-white identity. but thinking about it i can ABSOLUTELY understand the idea of it due to the notion that white people cannot be poc. cuz that sentence in itself is SENSIBLE. like oh Obviously white people cannot be in the non-white community, so therefore mixed people 'cannot' identify as white????
but i keep thinking about it cuz. wow that shit really pointed out an issue that is so obviously present when it comes to recognizing and acknowledging mixed people like me. Because regardless of how much of a Person Of Colour i am or how much aboriginal background i got, i look very white. I have possibly more typically white experiences than typically aboriginal ones. I have blue eyes as when i was a kid I had naturally blonde hair and there was the joke that i was the whitest in my family because of it. which despite the joke is pretty damn true. people dont see me on the street and say oh thats an indigenous person, and the extremely rare times someone sees me as non-white its usually another indigenous person yknow.
I think its like. its kinda led to this revelation of mine i suppose. On one hand i've come to terms with the idea that i am Aboriginal AND white in the sense that i cant just pick either or as both aspects of me have influenced my entire existence as a mixed person. but its really hit home on why i've struggled so much with seeing myself as being in the non-white community or recognizing myself as a person of colour. because the only 'requirement' of being a poc is Not being white. but does that instantly eliminate all mixed white and non-white people like me from being anything other than white? does that not just further the notion that mixed ppl have to just 'pick a side'? Wouldnt decrying my white identity to be a poc then just diminish my own experiences with white privilege and passing as white?
#ask to tag#idk i think its like. when it comes to racial groups and racialized peoples it tends to seem more#black and white (lmao)#in the sense that ethnicity and race isnt something changeable therefore it is treated as more concrete aspects of identity#rather than the fluidity of gender or sexuality when it comes to identity#but in actuality. its really not so easy with race either#like the lines between races and even between that of being white and being non-white isnt so clear#like ive spent years feeling guilt for my identity. as a kid i tried to get rid of my indigenous identity#and somewhat more recently i felt guilty for being white#and its only recently ive resolved that i can be both#but i hadnt explicitly thought about how much of an outlier that makes me#but honestly with mixed white poc i feel its worse to try and limit or get rid of the white aspects of us#like we cannot ignore how it has benefited us or how our general ease as being seen as white has made our lives easier#like i always think of a friend i had in highschool who was also native#but she had the more traditional features of darker skin and black or dark hair unlike me#and we bonded a lot over our aboriginal identity#but the fact she experienced more blatant descrimination than me was a constant factor in our relationship#like it is not something us white poc should not ignore! our expiriences with both privilege and descrimination is unique and unavoidable#i feel the idea of you cannot be white and a poc really tries to bury the privilege of that though. and thus the varied experiences#idk man i been thinkin bout it a lot#like maybe the inclusion of white people who are mixed should be noted in non-white circles more. because of this weird#inbetween we have
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im being so serious besties i am not cut out for academia
#like yes i know ive had a very uniquely shit experience in doing a degree i actively not only hate but also am BAD AT#but also i just. cannot hack it#'but hella you go mental and pessimistic every single exam period' i know that but. im right also#like the other day i said to my mum how much ive just been enjoying my job recently#and how huge a deal that is bc i HATE my hometown and ive never ever considered my time here as possibly being good#and my 20s will hopefully be a lot of travelling but in between that to save easier im gonna live at home#so i dont have to worry about rent so alas that means when im saving up for my next trip I WILL BE IN MY HOMETOWN#and as excited as i am for my twenties that is one huge downside to me but i was really cheerfully saying to my mum#that literally for the first time ever ive considered it might not be too bad bc lately i have just enjoyed my job#like i enjoy the people and the work and the lifestyle of it and while it's never gonna be ideal as a means to an end it's actually good#and instead of focussing on that she went OFF on one about how she wants me to stay in education and keep getting qualifications#and she was like 'you could do an english degree you've always wanted to do english or how about open university-'#and i was just sat there blinking at her like girl.... no#like i could FEEL myself shutting down like the terror of having to return to this environment when ive got my sight so set#on that 'one more year and im done one more year and im done' mindset like that has been the only thing getting my through#is that im halfway through the course now so im closer to the other end than i am the beginning and if i can just push through#ill be free from it for the rest of my life. so the thought of immediately returning to academia even for a subject i adore? i felt ILL#and my mum apologised the next day without me even having to say anything bc she realised she kinda bulldozed me there#but i just know whether it's the adhd or ive actually been traumatised by this econ degree#(<- and im being serious there like ik 'traumatised' is a big loaded word but idk what else to use#and this degree has done so so much damage to me like it has convinced me that i am fundamentally a stupid person#to the point i refuse to add up bills when with friends or do answer any sort of intellectual question even if i KNOW i know the answer#bc ive just gone so so long of being bad at the only subject im studying like just SURROUNDED by it and being bad at it relentlessly#and i dont think people realise how damaging it is to very simply just... feel stupid all the time. but oh my god i used to be so confident#and bright and now i wont even do basic addition in front of people)#i really truly dont think i can do this again in any capacity. like the constant exams and studying and assignments#i just cant do it. maybe i just need a year or two away from it after this degree but my goddddd rn i cant see it#yes it's exam time for me can u tell. it always makes me existential and on the verge of vomiting at any given moment#i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here i dont care about iterated deletion of strictly dominated strategies shut the fuck up#hella goes to uni
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have we talked yet about the possibility that UFOs and every suspected bit of extraterrestrial evidence could actually be originating from the advanced civilizations living in the trenches of the ocean just as bemused and wondering as we are about the world beyond them and reaching out in exploration? because given the fuckoff incomprehensible expanse of ocean floor we've yet to actually study or even really guess at what specifically is down there, I think there's a real possibility there's a complex society of, idk, particularly clever sea slugs and other amalgamations of physical matter like hydrogen and thulium and other shit we've never considered as a viable fundamental building block of life. and the fucking whales are the only living creature with the kind of planet spanning range and intelligence to know there's two complex evolutions of sentient life existing on opposite spheres of reality from each other who would really benefit from learning about the other, but we're both too fucking stupid to understand how whales communicate
#Idk man the ocean fucks me up sometimes#And also I think we're missing entire realities out there just waiting to be discovered#Because we've got such a specific and artificially tunneled view of what we see as reality or as supporting of life#And like. Ghosts and aliens and shit are that seeping into our world. But we don't even have the tools to start understanding#Like we're looking for alien life but we're looking according to OUR understanding of how life works and how life could occur#But that's just based on our own little planet our own little corner of the known universe#And man. There is a whole fuckoff lot of everything else out there in the infinity of the universe and the existence of anything#And we are just not equipped to ever know or understand much of any of it. But god that doesn't stop us trying#Trying to understand and find some way to prove we're not alone or unique in the universe#We have this thing called life and we want to share it with someone something somewhere somewhen#''There's gotta be someone else out there in the universe because I want to experience it with them''#Hm. Many thoughts#But also the Mariana trench is eating the pacific plate at a rate of 3 inches per year???#That's what we're talking about when we say shifting tectonic plates and why islands are moving micro amounts year by year?#The Mariana (and many other) trench(es) are EATING OUR PLANET?? why. Why are we not talking about that more explicitly#I feel like that's a better use of our time than squabbling about what social media we should use now instead of twitter#(None. You should replace Twitter in your life with 2-5 hours per week#of contemplation of how our PLANET IS EATING ITSELF. AND BELCHING UP THE REFUSE IN THE FORM OF VOLCANOS AND MUD VENTS)#Breaking news: my new hobby is geology. Fucking WILD stuff going on over there#Geology tag
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lot of people in the st fandom misuse the term comphet...or maybe its just a tumblr issue in general
#speaking as a lesbian you guys have such a fundamental misunderstanding of what it is#cause its not just about the expectation to be straight its specifically about the patriarchy and men being in power#and how women are expected to center their lives around wanting validation from them/being attracted to them#so it’s specifically unique to lesbians and tbh i can agree that its a universal experience for women in general#but it affects lesbians the most cause unlike women who actually are attracted to men...theyre basically forced into it lmfao#like comphet has always been used to address how everything revolves around men and how womanhood is defined by attraction to men#but i’ve seen too many of yall using it to describe mike’s experiences as a gay man...#yes he experiences heteronormativity but not comphet 😭#idk its just something that’s been bothering me for a while#but was kinda worried about addressing cause i didnt know if people would receive it well
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I actually do have very complex thoughts about many different things, it’s just a bit challenging to connect the inner voice to the outer voice sometimes </3
#random post#I have SO many thoughts and ideas. I love to create and I love to build on what I have and I like to connect to existing things#there is lots of oc lore in my brain! it graces my blog sometimes. not always. it’s hard to put abstract feeling and thought into words#and it’s challenging trying to find the best place to start talking about things yknow? like I as the creator of this whole unique universe#pretty much already know how things end up. how they’re going. how it started. some are easier to know than others. but that doesn’t stop me#from trying create for it. or searching for the missing piece to start the domino effect of development and fulfillment#it’s hard to see where the pieces fit sometimes. but getting a new angle or changing something about the piece can make finding where it#belongs easier. this is what I mean when I say I have very intricate and complicated thoughts. not spending too long writing my sentences or#overthinking them helps to keep things as they are in my head. since I’m not filtering them into something almost unrecognizable#writing a paper in a single sitting in a set time really helps me produce a unified and intricate product. I’ve been told I write well#which I find mildly humorous. I’ve never been a writer by choice really. I’m an artist that works with a physical visual piece rather than#letters that convey meaning. I’m more of a thinker than a writer. but in some instances they’re one in the same. I’m rambling but y’all know#that about me by now I’m sure hahagahaha. yea. my OCD makes me spend too long on words and that’s why I always talk in a short way#a more simplistic way. leaves less room for the mind to pick out flaws if everything is flawed on purpose yknow? haha yea. I like me yknow?#and other people like me too! that will never cease to surprise and amaze me haha. I’m one of those people that has an easier time with#people different from themselves. the people I’ve known and spoke to throughout my life are so very different from me. but they all feel#comfortable to share their experience with me. a lot of these people on paper would be ones I’d try to avoid I guess. differing opinions and#world views yknow? but the way I am. gives people comfort I’ve found. I’m not bragging about that it’s just interesting. it’s the same with#my whole household like we meet people that are like. idk a good descriptor but they’re very set in a specific way. and then we just?? they#like us?? idk it’s just funny to think about my dad getting along with legit crazy people or my mom being the person who’s the favorite of#the least liked / polite person in the office. or my brother and sister being very well liked in their schools but are just average students#who aren’t trying to be more than kind. or when I as myself. with the thoughts and opinions I have. am able to get along with anyone I#come across. I’m really not trying to be bright about that I’m just an. empath? I guess? I’m just very nice to people and meet them at their#level and don’t try steering the conversation to smth bad or controversial. but even then people will still talk to me and like me cus I’m#not putting them down or hating on them for how they think and feel. I listen. I can understand them. not agreeing with their views doesn’t#mean I can’t get why people think or feel how they do. I try to not be biased or entirely antagonist to things different than me#I’ve gone my whole life not understanding a lot of things. and over time I’ve learned them. I go into experiences with people like that#I may not understand yet. but I’ll learn to. that’s probably the main reason why people feel comfortable around me. that and also I have#a smile pretty much always lol. I’m small and non threatening lookin with a single dimple on the cheek and eyes so dark you could see the#faintest light reflected in them. anyways I have gone into several different directions with this and kinda lost the main point I was making
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i think what makes developing my art style especially wonderful is looking at my older art and seeing the bits and pieces being there, but unrefined and lacking in confidence. like that's obviously me, that's my art, i'm just not sure what i'm doing yet. i love it so so so much and seeing pieces of my current style in my older art makes me feel all the more confident in the direction i'm going in.
#sparkletwinkles#for the longest time i didn't believe i could have a 'style' but now that i'm actually figuring one out it's so nice#bc having a style doesn't mean having rules necessarily it just means learning what you like#and it's also so important to understand that liking someone's art doesn't mean you should even want to draw just like them#but that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't use what you like about their art to inform your own style#bc my style is most definitely just an amalgamate of different inspirations that have informed the way i'm wired to see things#whether consciously or not#and experimenting in other people's styles can really help you figure out what it is you're connecting with#like my art wouldn't be what it is without the years i spent learning to emulate the woy art style etc#but that isn't MY art style#it's just a factor of it the same way my other inspirations are#my three biggest artistic inspirations are the woy style + the monster high style + junko mizuno#and idk how visible those each are but they have all informed me in a very unique way#i also just love the mccracken/tartakovsky/etc western cartoon style of big shapes and confident thick lines
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finished s2 of heartstopper & ngl, i kinda didn't like how they handled the ace rep
#no spoilers i just have some thoughts about it & i need to vent them#it just felt like they glossed over the whole thing tbh#like. idk about others obviously but in my experience you don't REALIZE that your feelings as an ace person are any different#than those around you. like you just assume that everyone is exaggerating or using hyperbole or whatever#& when you DO eventually realize that how you feel is not how everyone else feels that's fucking terrifying???????#like you're literally gonna do whatever you can to make everyone else believe you're just like them#also peer pressure is a thing??? like you're gonna feel so much pressure to do what everyone else is doing! especially as a teenager!!!#like idk. maybe it's different now than when i was younger & it has been a while since i was a teenager but like.#being aro/ace is such a unique queer experience. like we're severely underrepresented & face exclusion even in queer spaces#or from other queer people & i feel like that was not addressed at all this season! & the rep just didn't feel all that thoughtful imo#also there was so much fucking kissing. like you have 8 30-min episodes & your gonna spend 1/2 of it on kiss scenes??#where is the plot!!! the PLOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like obviously i'm glad to have the rep since it is so rare & i'm happy that young people will have this character/these words to use#like that is honestly really awesome! & i wish i had that as a teenager!! i just. idk it didn't do it for me#also i do realize i'm not the target demographic for this show but like. idk. i still have thoughts about it#n e way#rainyrambles#dl
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All this rpf talk reminded me of when my friend wrote a fanfic about me and my boyfriend at the time, btw we were all between the ages of 11-13 ish I can't remember the year.
#its me gron#idk of this happened to a few people or if this is a unique experience#i remember Nothing about it other than the fact that it happened#hdjskshshjs#WHAT THE FUCK#she showed to us too#like its wasnt thru the grape vine she just straight up showed it to us
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