#idk if this is wolfstar centered

[international-superspy-superspy]

Wicked ; Wolfstar microfic @wolfstarmicrofic

Words: 491

Warnings: Physical abuse (dw, only mentioned)

Sirius covered his ears as Walburga’s screams echoed throughout The Great Hall. She screamed like a banshee in the night, roars so loud that they could make ears bleed. Walburga was hellish whenever she was angry, and that was most of the time.

“Sirius Orion Black! You dishonor your entire family! You’ve no right to ever show your face back in this house!”

The howler ripped itself apart, leaving a shredded mess on Sirius’ plate. “Mate, you alright?” Remus laid a hand on his shoulder, concern laced in his voice.

“Yeah, just swell.” Sirius picked pieces of the shredded paper off his plate, continuing to dine on his food. Despite the cool exterior he showed off, he was quite embarrassed and ashamed to have disturbed everyone’s breakfast with his mothers screams.

Suddenly, he’d lost his appetite. A horrible feeling in his stomach. Sirius stood himself up, causing his friends to look up at him. He ran off to the Gryffindor common room, tears pricking his eyes. No, he wasn’t going to cry because of his mother, of all people. He isn’t going to give in to her threats.

He found himself curled up on his bed, under the covers, robe dangling off on the side. Then the door swung open. “Padfoot?” A familiar voice spoke, Sirius could immediately tell who it was, with his soft-spoken yet firm tone, and the warmth it brought. Remus.

“Hm.” There was a shift on the bed, as if someone had sat on it. “What’s wrong?”

“Think you could tell.”

“Mind talking about it?” Usually, Sirius would shake any other person off, telling them to piss off. But it was Remus, not any other person. So he eventually gave in.

He sighed, taking off the covers and sitting himself up to look right at Remus. “I just…” Sirius began, “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about! She’s always so intense, always yelling at me, ridiculing me, all of that. I can’t get a single break with her. It’s as if she never even wanted me as a son! I mean, I feel that’s completely plain obvious by now. I go through hell when I’m at that place. I’d get things thrown at me! Every night I go to sleep with a new bruise or two!” He paused his rant, staring right at Remus.

“Never mind that last part, I’m sorry. I know you have it worse.” At this, Remus cringed. It’d only been a week since the last full moon. Some effects were still lasting on him.

“Don’t compare what we go through, Sirius. We both have different messed up shit to deal with.” Remus reassured, placing a comforting hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Your mother… she sounds wicked. And not in a good way!”

Sirius chuckled, “Yeah, she’s a damn witch!”

“The wicked witch of Grimmauld Place.”

“Hah!” Eventually, Sirius calmed down and the dreadful feeling in his stomach was gone. Thanks to Remus of course.

[calamitoustide]

decided (was really bored) to rank all the ships i care about... and it is not what i thought it would be........

regulus x james

regulus x james x evan x barty

lily x dorcas

james x remus

lily x dorcas x pandora

regulus x james x lily

lily x dorcas x marlene

marlene x mary

regulus x james x lily x mary

sirius x remus

[dogstarmoonheart]

Im pissed here ⬇️ This is a rant made mid-rage

written after an encounter with one of those bloggers who hate everything that isn’t canon and dislikes Wolfstar and throws up from the thought of Jegulus (?).

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

First of all, there are a lot of tropes I don't really like and that I don't take part of. I, for one, like my Lupin awkward and scrawny, not like a cool casanova. I struggle to see the beauty of making Regulus all soft and dovy, as his personality from the start has been based on the fact that he's cold, hurt and uptight. I have never read Y/N as I feel conflicted with the arrangement. WITH THAT SAID, I feel no bloody need to point out, complain or talk poorly about those who do enjoy these things.

I'm a big jily fan. I was 13 (isch??) when I entered the fandom and back then “jegulus” wasn’t a thing. (I've grown to enjoy the "jegulus ship" though, and some of my favorite fics are jegulus-centered.)

I get people being like:

“huh jegulus? how would that even???”

and I also get people who hold onto jily like a life jacket.

BUT for the love of the gods, that doesn't mean people need to be such c*nts.

“This fandom has gotten out of hand”

“I don’t like it when people make ships that aren’t canon” (????? why are you here then?????)

and also people who are so butt-hurt bc. of adaptions and interpretations, like??? what do you think a fandom does???

“That character would never act like that” DO YOU FUCKING KNOW THEM PERSONALLY??

“that’s not realistic at all” your mom’s not realistic at all.

“rosekiller is so offensive” YOU ARE OFFENSIVE

you’re literally 40 go AWAY.

If you want it to be 100% accurate to the books, read. the. fucking. books??????

I’m not speaking for those who change a character to unrecognition, but I stumble upon people who are still mad about Wolfstar??? And it pisses me off dawg. It pisses me off.

Don’t attack people who enjoy non-canon queerness or a cool Remus Lupin or (gods forbid) a kind ratboy (you know he’s my everything)

Kindly piss off Karen (of course not if ur lovely, and happen to be named Karen, you stay right where you are <3)

Sorry, I had to get that out of mi system. Just think it’s bollocks that people can’t just sit back and shut up.

FYI: This house (blog) is safe to all and I hope ye kno’ that nasty hags are just hiding their weird ass values behind the statement “it’s not canon”. They themselves are mucky. They are a bad joke with a borin' punchline ;)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • •

I wanted to share this cuz even if it might not make complete sense (as I wrote it in fury at 3 am) it’s a good enough reminder that yeh should stay gay, stay loud, and keep making old angry people mad. Ship weird shit and idk..make James an emo just to piss somebody off, who gives a shit.

kisses my sweets

[theinvisiblemuseum]

hi liv 🧠🫁🫀(no liver emoji they need 2 fix this STAT) fic writer ask game circulating:

“Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤”

any fics you’d like 2 share…🌚🌝

hellooo my darling rae 🧠

u will be testing the capacity of my brain, as i've suddenly forgotten everything i've ever written ! but we shall try.

eat your heart out (ongoing series) ft pandalily, bartydora, bartylilydora, soon to feature jegulus & roach as well... it's my bloody self indulgent mess. i love it dearly. i can't choose just one installment because they're all one big blob in my mind, not to be separated !!

heaven is here if you want it (multi chap) ft jegulus, wolfstar, lilycissa, belladora, & tedromeda... if i can ever get around to finishing this it might be one of my favorite projects i've written. idk why. i love character centered stores, i love plane crashes, i love tragic and brutal deaths, all of which tie neatly into the hihiywi bow. <3

sexy baby (multi chap) ft wolfstar, jegulus, pandalily, & roach... i've never written anything more chaotic in my life and i have loved every second of it + cowriting with my soulmate yizzity yazzity is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off. chaos, car chases & cocaine: the fic!

bury a friend (multi chap) ft many romances that don't matter... an actual finished fic for a change !! gore, drama, camp, humor, sex, drugs, romance, mystery, horror, dancing queen by abba! i miss her! i should really get around to writing the ghostface pov spinoff..

my kink is karma (oneshot) ft evan(s)... i couldn't NOT choose an evan(s) fic as they are the ship of my dreams and nightmares all in one + my favorite chappell song. it's horny, it's silly, it's romantic, it's a gift for yaz, that about says it all

this was brutal reminder of all the fics i've started to write and never posted as well bc i keep being like wait... where's my favorite fic.. then i remember it's a 50 page planning doc with a chapter and a half written 🚬

tis all !! ty for sending this 2 me, made me reminisce on when i actually had time to write all the things i want to :,)

[rollercoasterwords]

hello, I just finished the 27th chapter of atwmd and will start The hand that feeds series ... not sure what to expect as it'll be the first sapphic centered fic (not sure if that description is correct, but yeah ... first lesbian centered fic I'll read) .... no reason other than my utter obsession with wolfstar.

In the meantime though ... as a fan of the zombie trope, I saw the zombie apocalypse fic you have in the works and was wondering what happened to it? Have been looking for a zombie trope marauder AU and now that I found yours I don't really want to look elsewhere ... I mean ... you're writing is the most incredible thing I've ever witnessed, world building, multiple arks and how it all intertwines is just a masterpiece so ... as you can imagine ... I'm just wondering if that's something you're considering or to just drop it, it's done, no point in asking, which ... if it is ... fair ... life's life and this is just something incredible that you're doing and so humbly sharing with us and I have no reason to expect anything ... which is why I decided to ask here ... any reply is appreciated.

P.S.: reported the etsy shop, can't believe the audacity some people have .... hopefully it helps and it'll stop ... doing something like that is beyond stupid and those responsible should be stopped and fined ... this trend needs to stop.

P.P.S.: I would donate if I could, but I can't ... what I can do is promote every Palestinian content with donation links ... that madness also needs to stop ... it is inhumane, a genocide and it needs to stop ... the world needs to stand up ... I just ... I don't want this content to be flagged so I'll stop there

hi ahhh thank u!! glad ur enjoying atwmd hope ur enjoying thtf as well <3 as for the zombie fic….it is on hold indefinitely….i love zombie stories but unfortunately i overthink them wayyyyy too much like i simply cannot be normal abt zombies & i ended up getting writing paralysis bc i was like fuck idk how i’m going to end this story….& then i started working on other projects & kinda moved on 🤧🤧 i might return to it someday so im not saying it’s abandoned, but i also wouldn’t count on any updates anytime soon lol my first priority is definitely finishing atwmd & i already started writing another fic that im probably gonna post after that 😵‍💫

& thank u for reporting that etsy store !! & also sharing fundraisers!! i genuinely do really appreciate it <3

[poorlittlegreenie13]

I have ships

From haikyuu:

Iwaoi (my favorite if you can't tell)

Kagehina

Bokuaka

Marauders:

Wolfstar

Jily

Jegulus/starChaser

(These are the ones I can remember rn it's really late sorry if only a few)

Idk about Haikyuu at all, sorry! But—

Wolfstar, I have a full playlist but to choose one I’ll say ‘Sleepwalkin’’ by Better Oblivion Community Center, specifically these lines:

Like… “you like beer and chocolate, I like setting off those bottle rockets” that’s Remus & Sirius!!!!

Jilly, ‘The Me & You Together Song’ by The 1975, specifically these lyrics:

“I think the story needs more pages” 🥲

& for Jegulus I pick ‘on your side’ by The Last Dinner Party !!

Thanks for writing!!

[messrsrobyn]

hiiii i adore all your stuff!! (very demure 🙂 very mindful 🙂‍↕️) just wanted to ask ur opinion on something i saw on tiktok about the marauders fandom using diversity amongst characters like a checklist of things to tick off and not actually doing that representation justice as a result? like, for me, i feel like i’d rather people have a go at including diverse characters than simply having everyone be cis, thin, and white, but i do also understand that there can also be harmful portrayals of these things. i’ve written fics (mostly wolfstar) and i still include things like james being desi and dorcas being black, and try to incorporate this into their characters rather than only appearance but also, when they aren’t the pov characters of the fic it can be difficult to go in depth into their representation. obviously, i can go and write a james centric or dorcas centric fic and go more in depth, but that’s just not possible in every single fic. i don’t want my portrayals to be seen as tokenising or anything, but a lot of the fanon identities have become canon in my head. (even like welsh remus and french sirius (which people in the comments of this tt were getting mad about authors using google translate for bc it’s inaccurate and saying that we only included it bc french it “hot” even though the black family motto is literally in french??)) idk, just wondered your thoughts since you always seem to say everything so well! xxx

sorry this is so long!! i love your yaps on tiktok if this warrants a spoken reply lmao <3

HIHI

literally the least relevant part of this but remus is welsh !! she-who-must-not-be-named confirmed it !! also that's,,,, so silly. yeah the motto is french??? and yk what yes the french accent IS hot but i don't think that's why we include french sirius. more so bc,,,, he's french,,,,??

MOVINGGG on i think the most important part of this is that diversity does not necessarily mean that everything is represented to the same depth every single time. one of my friends (hi rachel) phrased it as:

"diversity is a salad not a melting pot"

i think it's incredibly unrealistic to look at every individual work and expect them to go in depth about every single part, especially with side characters.

when we talk about diversity in fandom (or diversity in media in general tbh) for me at least, it just means the diversity being there as a whole. we can find fics that center around desi james and his experiences, we can find fics that center around dorcas' race (thtf is incredible here for example), we can find fics that center around the trans experience - salad pot. everything is available, you just have to find the parts you like the same way you dig in a salad bowl and take what you want.

diversity also means normalising the fact that representations are made. to have them there without necessarily needing to expand upon it??? just normalised. (like trans reg fics obviously go in depth from his pov but BACKGROUND trans reg will just be like "two cresent scars on his chest" 🙂↕️ normalised 🙂↕️). big conversations are necessary as a Whole, but not in every individual work imo.

i don't think it's "tokenising" to not go in depth about them, i think this is,,, a hobby. LIKE MAYBE THAT'S BAD TO SAY BUT i wouldn't call it tokenising to include desi james in a fic without necessarily going into detail about it because that's a very popular hc in the fandom. i think it's worse to say that diversity needs to be perfect or it shouldn't be there at all.

if the pov isn't focused around the character in question then i think it's perfectlyyy fine to just throw in a few things. this is a fun hobby. we don't expect perfection and the fact that this fandom is drawn from the veryyyyy undiverse core material and we've got this!? incredible.

generally i just don't think many people on tiktok get how fandoms work because they've joined when it's become popularised WHICH IS OKAY!!! welcome !!! have fun !!! but fandoms have ALWAYS been about adding diversity and creating queer ships and it feels like recently there's a lot of people policing on what to do when that's just Not How It Works.

i don't think diversity is being treated as a checklist, i think the in depth works are out there, there are people who write in depth povs of experiences and there are HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of fics. we can't expect every single one to have big conversations about it, especially not with side characters. sometimes it's nice to be represented without them making it your entire personality.

i can only speak from the trans and disabled side of it but i KNOW that there's plentyyyy fics that go in depth about that, and i don't expect every fic ever to go in depth. if i want a disability focused fic? i'll find one. other than that yeah it's fine to just say that remus is using a cane rn and not go into detail about it. esp if he's a background character.

does this make sense?? i hope soooo i just woke up and this is the first thing i did xxx

[hihimissamericanbi]

Tag game

Tagged By: @amethystheart2421 yayyyy fest friends!!! thank you for tagging me!!

Currently Reading: in the midst of terrible reader's block BUT slowly but surely keeping up with:

The Missing Link by @lostmykeysie

Vaincre by @lumosinlove

DSTG by @mayescapade

Unbreakable Heaven by @sequinhaze

You Wouldn't Like Me by @crushofdoves

TBR:

Chained to the Moon by @msalexwp

Keysie's new WIP

Jude's new WIP

Step and Repeat by @theresthesnitch

You and I (wolfstar AU based on the gaga song I am so pumped)

Gnossienne by @jennandblitz

Favorite Color: uhhh black? idk anything saturated if it's for my home. Blue/green if I'm wearing it. I want to get more pink in my closet for Barbiecore summer

Last Song: does a podcast count? Bc then it would be I Survived . Ya'll it's incredible and is a needed voice in the true crime genre (which I don't even listen to usually). Focuses on the survivors through first person accounts, really centers their stories without glorifying the attackers.

Last Movie: See: I read fic. BUT idk The Wonder with Florence Pugh comes to mind.

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: literally depends but rn i am craving the spicy Malaysian laksa soup from Mighty Bowl in NYC

Currently Working On: Posted my silly crack smut yesterday, riddled with typos but she's here for a fun time. About to start r/s big bang fic. Moulin Rogue AU is still kicking. Salem witch hunt AU has been put down for a nap, probably a long one. She is cranky and needs rest.

Tag 9 Mutuals You Want to Get to Know Better:

@hearteyesmoony @r33sespieces @nymphadoratonqs @mblematic @spindrifters @artbyace @comesnatcher @mkaugust @lostmykeysie

[indigo-scarf]

Hii 💖🫶🏻 I have a question. Who’s worse, Draco Malfoy, James Potter or Sirius Black?

Hi :)

I love this question, because those 3 characters are very significant to me.

Back when I couldn't accept the gospel of Drarry, I settled for Wolfstar and took Sirius as my blorbo. He is just like me fr in that he has an aggressively abusive racist family; he did destructive, impulsive things; and he has the conflict of wanting to reject his family but having to wonder if he is just like them. So Sirius's violent streak is very much relatable.

Draco was always my #1 blorbo since I first read the books (it just sucked that I didn't like any of the popular ships with him). He is also just like me fr in that he's an attention whore and a spiteful little bitch when he doesn't get attention and praise, especially if someone else steals the spotlight. Plus, now that I do like Drarry, and even see one-sided Drarry as one possible version of canon, there is also the relatability of being toxic as hell to your crush because you want to interact with them but they don't like you back and you don't know how/hate to be vulnerable. Plus, I find his whole dramatic and self-centered privileged boi personality both hilarious and endearing.

(why do I only bond with characters through negative things idk haha ask my therapist)

And then there's James, who is possibly my least favourite character in the entire series. It's surprising, because I usually like bullies and bad people in general in fiction — see how I like Draco — so why does James squick me? Well, now I feel like maybe writing a whole post about it someday when I can articulate it better, but for now:

I think it's the mix of his offences involving creepy male heterosexuality and him being portrayed and accepted by much of the fandom as a good person overall — there's much there to repel me and nothing for me to relate to or enjoy.

Misogynistic fictional fuckboy behaviour to me is like, I could actually be into him if he were portrayed and seen as a predator who harasses women because he's such a sick and twisted tortured soul (fic recs welcome); but he's potrayed and seen as a righteous wholesome hero who just made a few mistakes as a teen, and I really do not vibe with that, when the mistakes include being a sex creep to a woman.

I'm not shaming anyone for being James fans, people can be impacted differently or give different subjective weight to different traits of a fictional character (I literally just said my fave is the racist). It's just that to me personally James's flaws outweigh everything else about him, so I could only like him if he were a villain, but then I don't usually see him be framed that way.

[ars0nistpixie]

FIC STUFF — links to ao3

hi :) i write fics on ao3

i'm alright with any pronouns and you can call me whatever you like. you're also welcome to ask any questions, even anonymous, and I'll happily answer.

also, constructive criticism about the fic is very welcome <3 english is not my first language and, although my level is high, sometimes i might make mistakes. if you notice any, please let me know :)

here's the link ig

"the elysium" — royal au, jegulus, wolfstar & nobleflower centered

characters die, but not those with a pov and it has a happy ending. it's a wip and i post about 15k words long chapters every ten days or so

warnings: graphic violence, angst, characters dying — sex scenes won't be explicitly described, just "hinted to" or written in a way that readers know what is happening without it turning into smut

the summary

For as long as he could remember, Regulus knew he was going to marry a prince.

It was sealed in his destiny, embroidered in the fairy tales the maid told him to make him sleep, so neatly sewed into his eyelids that he even dreamed of it at night. In his dreams, he was always glad and so giddy about it, up until the moment he grew up to have wants and needs and Regulus understood that there was no universe in which he could have wanted to do otherwise.

For as long as he could remember, James knew he was going to be king.

It was written in his blood, running through his veins as steely resolve. It was destiny chanted in royal hallways, whispered in his ears as both a promise and a warning. Since he had been able to think for himself, James had been pervaded by an ever present mindfulness of fate, manifesting in the way he talked and walked, rode his horse and wielded his spear. Lords, barons and dukes had called him heir to the throne before knowing his name, kneeled at his feet before he could know what it meant to rule. James looked in the mirror and saw a prince before he could ever recognise himself.

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.

when i'll post something else, i'll put it here, so I'll pin the post :)

please lmao be kind, idk how to tumblr my way into this yet

[aspiring-artist-em]

get to know better tag

thank you @achilleslikespeas!! you're so so amazing omg- anyhoo

three ships: wolfstar, ineffable husbands (someone pls talk to me about good omens I literally can NOT rn), drarry

first ship: drarry, it’s a tried and true ship for me, ive been shipping it since I was like, a child  (literally flashback to me at like, 7 years old telling my mom that harry and Draco should get over each other and buy a castle and live together forever as a happy couple (parents were not happy that their daughter was saying this (they were homophobic( (im now gay and still shipping it so suck it, ig)))

last song: I would love to lie and say its something cool like “killer queen” or “lady stardust” bc I listen to those a lot, but once again, I would be lying and my actual last song that I listened to was “no hands (ft. Roscoe dash and wale)”, yk, the frat party song, I like to play it while writing angst

last movie: Harry Potter? idk what one, I like to put the tv on while I do stuff like budget money and write fanfic and draw, so honestly idk, it was probably the chamber of secrets, that and poa are my all time favs 

currently reading: ur mom LMAO (im so sorry) no, what im reading is smut, and also like, a good omens fic about Crowley’s fall (witness the fall) bc im trying to forget about season 2′s ending. im also reading away childish things (again) bc like, that's one of my fav drarry fics of all time. if we’re talking about marauders fics, it was probably her body is a temple down in the frozen food aisle  by achilleslikespeas, both for my emotional masochistic enjoyment and bc I wanted to draw a scene in the story (go read it now pls, its really good, Claude is really good a writing and im freaking out bc I wanna draw a scene from every single one of their fics I- like go-to horror dead dove fics for me I reccomend Claude and for smut I go to moonie), if we’re talking books books, Ive been reading yellowface and I am a cat which so far, are really really good, but also like, im really bad at reading so like, I haven't actually touched them in a week LMAO

currently watching: good omens, its playing on my tv in the background both because I love it and also because Neil said if u stream it enough amazon will see how valuable it is (with the strike and everything) and like, actually be willing to negotiate, essentially, help out the strike, go watch gay celestial beings 

last thing i wrote: 'Til Death Do Us Part, and Even Then, I'll Do My Best to Stay With You, its a dead dove fic centering around grief and denial, uh, 2 chapters in lol

currently writing: I have like, a million wips and no motivation to write rn so lets dive into them lol

1) chapter 3 of do death do us part, very sad, like, maybe 3 sentences in?

2) the next part of my lesbian wolf star series, its the one right before the trail one, so like, part 10 is gonna be another chapter centering more around Sirius’s memories and part 11 is gonna be the trial, I have like, 2 separate things ive written for it and I need to decide where I want it to go tbh

3) smut, gay wolf star, frat hazing blow or blow smut. sirius is on his knees and almost throws up but he doesn't and its lowkey like actually non con but its also frat hazing, like, idk how to explain the vibes but sirius is referred to as a dog and a filthy animal and degraded and he's sucking remus’s dick on coke and im like 2k words in and like, running out of ways to describe a cock lol (its also hard to bc like, I don't have a dick and my textbooks are no help sometimes) but he is also called the “pike puppy” and like, I think im smart for that and also its really filthy ngl, not a happy ending?

4) a short fluff fic to make up for the angst I put my readers through, im like 200 words in

5) au kinda thing, inspired by don't worry darling and like a TikTok that I saw (and now people are commenting on me commenting if I can write the idea and asking for the fic name and like, Im 500 words in? pls I need time), the idea is that Dumbledore has everyone under imperio or a potion to get them on his side to fight for him, lily’s pov, I really like it so far, uhh im like 500 words in I think?

so yeah, when I get inspiration im gonna write everything all at once lol, probably when my body isn't trying to kill me lmao or im at work

tagging: @spookymoonie @pinklume @wxlfstxrisbest @spindrifters @siriuslystargazing @siriusly-sapphic @green-lights-33

[sayingyournames]

some smut for the director's cut please :D

After, it's dead silent in the room for a beat - and then Sirius is heaving huge, wracking breaths and saying, "What the fuck, oh my god," under his breath over and over again and Remus is still just staring like it's all caught up to him. His mouth has dropped open into a soft bow of shock and he looks down at his hand like he can’t believe it’s attached to him.

Remus finally takes his fingers out slowly, one by one, and Sirius curses with each one until he's lying there in a pool of - something oh my god that had never happened when he was alone. What is happening to him, empty and tingling all over with no idea of what comes next. The emptiness is all-consuming - he’s so wet, his body clenching around nothing and wanting nothing more than for Remus to slide into him, press him into the bed and keep him there for as long as he pleases. Sirius is dazed, unable to speak.

Maybe he should feel sore, but he doesn’t. Maybe he should feel embarrassed - he’s never come so quickly in his life, didn’t know it was humanly possible. But he doesn’t. He feels ravenous.

okay y’all buckle up bc I love talking about this fic - i’ve got diamonds in my eyes (for you)

I wanted to write a trans sirius fic because I’m trans and 99% of the trans wolfstar (or just trans marauders in general) fic that exists is sad & awkward. so much of it centers around dysphoria and angst and like those are real things that happen every day, and real things that I live with. and I understand why ppl want to write about that, and read it. but I don’t!

I want to read about trans characters being in love and having good sex and being happy in their bodies! I want to write them being normal and completely unremarkable!

but like I also wanted to write tender, filthy sex where sirius realizes that putting his body in another person’s hands is worth it. and for him to understand that his body, what it can do, how much it can take - is fucking cool and sexy.

this scene in particular is him settling into that feeling - that he can be messy, fucked well past the point he ever thought possible, and still want more of it. that he can still be loved at the soft, filthy core of it all. like I remember the first time I became aware of that, and of how big my desire was and idk lots of this is pulled from personal experience lmao

[person4924]

Sirius Black - Comfort Crowd: An Essay

TW: depictions of child abuse and blood (not too specific I don't think)

Notes: Bold = Lyrics from the song Regular = Explanation 

I’m using They/Them pronouns for Siri too in this! (just in case there was any confusion with grammar or anything)

Comfort Crowd. Somehow even the title holds meaning to Sirius?? I have no idea, maybe I’m utterly insane. But at first glance, if you hear the term comfort crowd you might think, like a crowd you find comfort in. Like a group of friends you feel safe with, and in the song, it may mean that (or not idk). But in the context of Sirius Black it means finding comfort in the crowd (I switched the words you see!). Which means that they just find comfort in being in a crowd, being around people. 

“This hurt that I’m holding’s getting heavy. But I’ma keep a smile on my shoulders ‘til I’m sweaty” This line is so Sirius in so many ways. They will physically glue a smile on their face until it rips their face off to anymore. They will crack jokes until their mouth is physically glued shut. 

“Beggin’ on my knees screamin’, ‘someone come and help me’. But by the time they’re there, I’ve already hid the body.” When their parents would curse them, they would scream for help, even though they knew (falsely) that no one could hear them (Regulus always could). Then, when they would inevitably lose consciousness, their parents would hide them in the cellar until they woke up (or would keep them there for days as a punishment sometimes). 

“My breath’s getting short and I’m unsteady, wellin’ up in tears as I lay upon your belly. Telling you, ‘I’m fine I don’t really need nobody’ But you say through a sigh, that I said that lie already.” WOLFSTAR. So whenever Sirius would wake up from nightmares and have panic attacks, Remus would see (they’d be sleeping together so it was hard to miss) and Remus, being Remus, would try to comfort Sirius but then Siri would say the lie, “I’m fine, I don't really need nobody.” I have the headcanon that when Sirius is upset or is being comforted, they would (sort of purposely sort of not) make their grammar really bad so it would seem like it's less important and they didn’t really care. Anyways, this shows in this statement. Because in general, they would have impeccable grammar (because of how they were taught as a kid). So Remus in maybe first or second year noticed this (his hard-crushing/denial era!) and took note (“They see right through me they see right through me…). So then whenever Sirius would start talking with really bad grammar or anything, Remus would notice they were upset and/or were lying. So then Remus would say, “You said that lie already” and sigh because, Why couldn’t they just talk about it? Then obviously Sirius would take this as Remus getting annoyed with them and not wanting them anymore, and they would get defensive (somewhat deflecting) and then ask “What was that about?” and then would end in an argument of some kind.

“I just needed company now. Yeah, I just needed someone around. Yeah, I don’t care what song that we play. Or mess that we make. Just company now.” Sirius was always a people person. Ever since they were little, they could dazzle the whole room and were always the center of attention at fancy dinner parties (whether the attention was good or bad). But as they got older, they craved the attention. They needed it to be okay. If people weren’t paying attention to them, then why were they there? If people were there, around them, paying attention to them, then they could pretend. It would be okay. If they could smile and crack jokes, they were still alive. And if they were still alive, then that was enough. That’s all they needed. Sirius wouldn’t care what they did, how they did it, how much trouble they got into, just as long as they were around people. 

“We rot, thinkin’ lots about nothing. Yeah, I could spend a lifetime just sitting here talkin’” In the early years, before the war, before everything. Like in 1-3 year, they would all just sit, listen to music, and talk about nothing but what seemed like everything at the time. And as Sirius sat there, they thought they could spend a lifetime just sitting there, talking about nothing and everything at once. 

“And even if I cry all over your body, you don’t really mind. Say you like your shirt soggy.” Once again, WOLFSTAR. So sometimes when Sirius would have nightmares, they would just start crying. Silently, always silent. But Remus (being the lightest sleeper ever) would always wake up anyway, and he would just hold Sirius’s head into his chest and let them cry. I don’t think Remus ever literally said the words “I like my shirt soggy” but I think this line just kind of symbolizes what this means and is kind of an unspoken thing. Like, cry into my chest, I prefer my shirt soggy anyway and it would just kind of be like an unspoken thing. Eventually, Sirius would just fall asleep like that, Remus rubbing circles in their back or playing with their hair, and it wouldn’t be spoken of again. This would happen multiple times though, especially after Sirius escapes. 

“We mess around and laugh too loud” So I think this just kind of symbolizes all the marauders. Like they mess around pranking. And laugh too loud at night or in the astronomy tower when their supposed to be asleep. 

“By blood, we’re bound. Through ups and downs, through smiles and pouts.” So I think this entire line is just like James and Sirius. I think definitely at some point when they were young (like 1st or 2nd year) they made a blood oath. Like they were climbing a tree or something or James cut his hand on something or whatever. And then Sirius said “OOO! We should make a blood oath, so then we’ll be real brothers! We’ll be bound by blood” (or something like that, I don’t know how kids talk). Then Sirius picked a bug bite or something that would bleed, and they became blood brothers (if you get this reference, marry me). Then the other half of the lyric, “through ups and downs, through smiles and pouts” is like just friendship, through ups and downs, through whatever they were going through, they were there for each other. No matter what. They were brothers after all. 

“Comfort Crowd, you can always count.” This line I think can have double meanings, so I’m gonna go through both! 1) so the first meaning I think it could have is something that I talked about before. Like how Sirius finds comfort and crowds. And so this means like in disguising yourself in a crowd, you can always count on. Like if your on the verge of a mental breakdown, just throw a party or surround yourself with people, it works. 2) The second meaning I think would be contradicting myself but whatever. So I think it could mean like their friend group is their comfort crowd. A crowd they feel comfortable in. And then it just means it’s a group of people they could always count on (until they die lol). 

In Conclusion! I am completely and utterly insane. I am also very un-normal about Sirius Black and Conan Gray so… BUT this also goes to show how Conan Gray IS Sirius Black and all of his songs are about the marauders (I could write more essays). And if you got this far, thank you for indulging this! This was so much fun to write /gen

[maliceofminds]

4, 17, 51, 73 🫡🫡

sending a warm drink of choice (or cold idk whatever you want) and good vibes!!

hi hi, thank you for the drink, and the vibes, answering was very distracting<3

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

okay, so I’ve been back thinking about this again since it‘s fall. dead poets society is one of my favorite movies ever and I would love to write like a long fic in that style, change a lot, because otherwise it‘s boring and just go batshit insane. it would have all the things, literature and poetry and theater and academia and clubs and set it into the sixties, make it period accurate. Wolfstar focus, but dual pov with mcgonagall (and have some poppy/Minerva) I would love to. But if I do this I wanna do it right, and take time that I dont have at the moment (I also need to finish my two (three psst) wips before) soo yeah..

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

from my first lesbian wolfstar (I don’t know what possessed me):

And she is the lord that couldn't care less. The blind messiah. She gazes upon the creation and the only thing she sees is the beast.

A black mass of nondescript bodies. Arms and legs put together by a moving torso. A chest that beats but bears no heart. And a crowd that feels but owns no soul.

51. share the synopsis of a story you work on that you haven’t published yet

I‘ve had this one wip for a year now and I’m not really actively working on it, but I add something here and there. It‘s a character study centered around the marauders (and co) and they all get their respective deadly sin. So there is seven chapters with seven different povs. It‘s a little bit fucked up, they aren’t really saints in this one, a little dark, I thought it was fun.

73. how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

very much words, like whole sentences or paragraphs that i then get the writing frenzies about because an hour later i won’t remember. it’s a problem.

this ask game

[sneepsnoopboopideeboop]

OHHHHHH SO MANY IDEAS AFTER I FINISHED TO BE LEFT ON EARTH WHEN THE OTHER IS GONE (tbloewtoig???) BUT HERES THE TOP FEW:

post-war mary oneshot (thisll be short so i’ll probably do this)

pandora-centered fic about her later life and the horcrux, etc

alicissa knight/princess/medieval/fantasy au???? idk where this came from but it could WORK im just sayin

james trying to save regulus from the cave but being too late 😊

and

last but not least

in light of just writing a tsoa au

a….

*drumroll*

HADESTOWN AU

like???? dorlene perhaps as orpheus/eurydice (dorcas-orpheus, marlene-eurydice???) idk i dont think wolfstar or jegulus would work as well…

ANYWAYS WE’LL SEE IF I GET ANY MOTIVATION