#idk if this even makes sense and i doubt anyone reads these tags but if u did im sorry u had to see me rambling like that ghdlkgldh

[aquarianlights]

How do you keep going when it looks like 99% of your country has joined a cult whose soul purpose is hatred of everything you & everyone you know & love are when all you're doing is existing just like everyone else?

[ttoya]

stared at geto suguru a little too long and now my gender envy is so bad, it makes me wanna SCREAM

[dangerously-human]

The lovely @softboiledwonderland tagged me to do this fanfic writier interview - thank you, sweet friend!

How many works do you have on AO3?

119 (but it's actually a bit higher... shh, we'll see after Yuletide author reveals)

What's your total AO3 word count?

242,116 (jeez louise, since when?!)

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Woke Up in a Safe House Singing (Lockwood & Co)

One More (Grishaverse)

Those Binary Stars (Endeavour)

Here's a Safe Place to Lay Your Heart Down (Lockwood & Co)

Never Hesitate at the Threshold (Lockwood & Co)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! Sometimes I'm very slow at it, whether because I'm trying to think of something interesting to say in reply, or because I'm feeling a little uncertain about what I've posted and need to give it space to breathe before I think about it again - but I really, really appreciate comments and I love the social nature of storytelling and community-building in fandom, so I do make my best effort to always reply.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Now, this is an interesting question, because while I have written some pretty angsty things here and there (I've even done non-canonical major character death), my endings are usually happy or at least hopeful. The exception is drabbles, where I'm usually capturing a single emotion/moment in time. So I'll answer this with (If You Make It Out Alive) Hold That Bloody Head Up High, which is a dream rehashing of Alina killing the Darkling, and really dives into the angst of her mixed feelings and the incredible influence he continues to wield over her even in death. Honestly, it's one of my favorites, and I'm forever bummed it didn't get the appreciation it deserves.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I do delight in a sugary-sweet fluffy ending, it must be said, so a lot of my works could qualify! I'm going to say Here's a Safe Place to Lay Your Heart Down, whether you could the ending as the post-fight dancing in the kitchen with shared earbuds, or the practically skipping home with an engagement ring.

Do you write crossovers?

I haven't to date, and I doubt I will, it's not really my jam. But who knows, an idea could surprise me.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I've gotten a few weird comments, but can't say I've ever gotten outright hate, which I appreciate!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Absolutely not.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, weirdly enough, recently. I decided to ignore it and hope it was a case of accidental convergence on extremely similar ideas and phrasing.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Never had anyone even ask. I think it would be kind of cool, although honestly the inbuilt browser auto-translate has done well enough for me in reading other people's works, so idk how necessary it would be, if that makes sense? Like obviously that's not nearly as good as a true translation, but people certainly don't have to be fluent in English to read what I write, is what I'm getting at.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not, and I doubt I'd be very good at it - I'm simultaneously very possessive over my creative endeavors and not very good at speaking up for what I want (though I'm learning). It would have to be someone I really trust and already think similarly to, if I were ever going to try it.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

This is horrifyingly difficult to answer, yeesh. I'm going to say John/Aeryn from Farscape, but know that I could give dozens of answers and they'd probably all be equally true.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Nothing that I've actually started posting to AO3. Some of those may take me a lifetime to finish (*cough* Take His Hand), but finish them I will! But I do have a couple WIPs languishing in Scrivener that I'm not sure I'll ever complete. The Endeavour spy AU comes to mind, and one or two Community projects... Sometimes I just have to rework them to a smaller scale and that has to be enough, instead of capturing the entire idea I set out with.

What are your writing strengths?

Introspection, layered dialogue, symbolism, poetic language

What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot (argh), transitions and actually addressing the spaces between what I find interesting or important, pacing (probably related to previous), remembering to describe things - I think my descriptions are lovely when I add them, but I rarely visualize while I write or read, so I don't tend to write for those who do

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It can work, but I think a lot of authors overdo it. I haven't done it myself (that I can remember, anyway), but my Spanish is good enough that I could if it fit the story.

Actually, wait, I lied - I definitely have, for this year's Rare Pair Exchange assignment, Lingua Franca. Little bit of messy Spanish dialogue, and technically some French, but a single phrase hardly counts.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I keep meaning to write some Broadchurch gen... Maybe one day.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

Extremely difficult question to answer. Those Binary Stars is always going to be one of my greatest accomplishments, but to pick something a bit more recent, I'd say Woke Up in a Safe House Singing.

Tag, you're it (with no pressure): @itripandfallalot, @menina89, and @fairytale-lights <3

[thehypnone]

Crying in the Rain

WC: 1,3K

Relationship: Raindrop (but its not exactly relationship focused)

Tags: Angst with a happy ending, idk what else, character study?

After his elemental change, Dewdrop felt like he lost all control. He was robbed of himself, of his life and shoved into body and role someone else designed.

Notes: Written for @jazz-bazz's ask that my dumbass deleted by accident. Not as angsty as I wanted it to be and weirdly written so if you think I was high when writing this no I was not... this time. I also shoved a lot of guitar stuff in there because I am myself and this was a gear talk ask sooo...

Read under the cut or on AO3.

The guitar, the Fantomen, was… pretty. It was beautiful, even, Dewdrop has always thought so, when Ifrit played it. 

They made some changes for him, already, though. The pretty knobs with “H” engraved on them were changed to boring, plain silver ones, Dew didn’t know why. No one changed Aether’s knobs.

There was no space for questions, any questions, regarding all this change.

So much has changed. Has been changed.

Rest of the changes that had been inflicted on the instrument was more technical than visual. They probably just wanted Dewdrop’s playing to sound the best way possible, he doubted anyone cared about his comfort. He knew they didn’t, actually.

The strings were too thin, his fingers were shredded already. There were also too many of them, he was tumbling over the fretboard all days long not hitting the right strings, the right frets.

Ifrit was sweet, understanding and patient… not something fire ghouls were accused of being often. But even the sweetest, most understanding, those with the most patience can and will eventually run out of it.

“Droplet, it’s not that fucking hard,” he growled, slamming his hand down onto the strings of a guitar nestled in his lap. His raised voice and awful feedback the instrument let out made Dewdrop flinch.

“‘m sorry,” he whispered as he curled in on himself. As much as the big piece of lacquered wood in his own lap would allow, that is. His now dull and weirdly warm toned hair hid his face and the tears that were dangerously close to rolling down his burning cheeks.

“No, Dew, I’m sorry,” Ifrit sighed, putting a hand on the smaller ghoul’s back. Not so long ago he’d purr at the inhuman warmth but now he didn’t feel a difference. Just some additional weight. “I just, uhm… didn’t sleep well. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lashed out.”

“It’s fine, I know I suck,” Dewdrop mumbled, barely loud enough for the other to hear.

“Dew-”

“No, don’t,” he didn’t snap, he spoke softly quietly. He was no fire ghoul. “It’s fine.”

Ifrit sighed, ran his hands down his face and even opened his mouth to speak again. Dewdrop was no longer there, a hard case for his Fantomen left empty on the floor.

They made Dewdrop’s guitar even heavier.

A few simple modifications didn’t make much difference for him, he couldn’t lie and say they didn’t make it sound better.

But they made it heavier.

It originally weighted more than his bass already and they made it heavier.

Dew wanted to cry. He did cry. He was so out of control, he sucked at guitar and he sucked at being a ghoul and he hoped he sucked enough to get banished back to the Pit. Because there was no way he’d be able to do this.

To replace Ifrit, to play lead guitar, to be a fire ghoul.

To teach Rain bass.

He stumbled under the weight of the Fantomen again, his vision was clouded with tears, his shoulders were cramped and bruised.

Why was the strap so thin? It didn’t make sense.

But, again, why would anyone care about his comfort? He was just a tool and right now he was a faulty one.

At least he was alone in the practice room. 

No one heard the butchered solos and his sobs. No one saw the blood and his shaking form.

Dewdrop couldn’t touch the bass, even if it wasn’t his. It wasn’t even the same model.

Why was Rain given a choice where he had none?

But it wasn’t the new water ghoul’s fault, he didn’t even know of Dew’s life just before he was summoned. Dewdrop couldn’t be angry at him.

“Are you okay?” he asked him, seemingly out of nowhere. The fire ghoul snapped back to reality, realising Rain had asked a question and was waiting for an answer when Dew was busy staring into the distance at nothing in particular.

Are you okay? Rain has asked. How was he supposed to answer?

“Yeah, sorry, didn’t sleep well,” Dew grumbled. “What was that?”

Rain looked at him like he absolutely did not believe him. Dew wasn’t surprised, “I asked if there’s a slide the second time or just the sixth fret.”

“Just the sixth fret once more, but you can do as many slides as you want, no one will probably notice,” Dewdrop shrugged. Rain nodded and turned back to his bass.

Dew started zoning out again as the water ghoul was going over and over again on the same part of the song. His eyes were fixed on Rain’s strap. A solid piece of leather and he wondered…

“You should get a different strap,” Rain called out from the other side of the practice stage. What?

“What?” Dewdrop turned around and sized the water ghoul. Not in a hostile way, he was just… how did he know?

It was their first actual practice as a band, the rest already filtered out, only the two of them left. How did he know?

“This strap isn’t good for you,” Rain said matter-of-factly, like it was common knowledge. It couldn’t be, it couldn’t have been, he hid it so well, he wasn’t a pussy it was just a stupid strap. “Hurts your shoulder and back.”

“Oh, I- they… they gave me this one with the guitar I don’t-”

“You should take your control back, Dewdrop.”

How did he know?

He changed the strap.

Dewdrop basically broke into one of the storage rooms by the part of the Abbey dedicated to the Ghost project and stole all his old straps he could find. The wide, padded ones with grucifix pins he added himself. They were his.

Nobody but Rain seemed to notice the change on the next rehearsal. Maybe Aether or Mountain would, but they’d probably not realise the… the importance of such a small change.

Rain noticed, and warmth bloomed in Dewdrop’s chest when he smiled and nodded at him.

His shoulders weren’t bruised anymore and his back wasn’t strained.

But there was another thing that was pissing him off and… and Rain had told him to get back control, so…

Dewdrop stole a drilling machine.

He was pissed with the placement of his strap, he didn’t have that much accessibility to the highest frets which were important for lead, for playing solos.

So he stole a drilling machine.

He drilled the hole.

He moved the strap to the side, above the neck instead of where it had been nestled in the back, where the neck met the body. He shoved three toothpicks into the hole the screw left and put a few drops of white nail polish over it to make it as unnoticeable as possible.

Only Rain noticed the change, and warmth bloomed in Dewdrop’s chest when he smiled and nodded at him, again.

Dewdrop regained all control there was to regain when he first kissed Rain.

It was like something snapped inside of him, like a rope that was slowly being cut and burned until only one thread remained, and Rain was the one to snap it. He was who started cutting and burning it in the first place, after all.

One day, years later, Dewdrop crawled out of bed, Rain’s arms and went to the newly anointed Papa’s office. He asked him for a new guitar, a Stratocaster. A few different models, actually, each one with different modifications, customisations.

Because it was going to be his and his only, and no one was going to take away his control again. He let them rob him of years of his life on Earth and he was never going to give up control again. 

He accepted the past. 

Dewdrop was a fire ghoul now, but it was his life, he wasn’t going to waste any more of it and he was his own ghoul.

Well… maybe Rain’s too.

When he took Terzo’s grucifixes off of his straps it was his choice.

In the future, when he’d put stickers on the backs of the guitars, he wouldn’t hesitate.

Not again.

[nburkhardt]

Was talking about projecting with @i-less-than-three-you and uh….Thought of Something.

Growing up Steve wasn’t allowed opinions or talking back. It made him silent, made him want to speak up but words got caught. Doubt would start up and he just didn’t do anything.

It made life harder on himself but eventually he grew more and more. Eventually realizing he can have opinions, can voice them and eventually, talking back.

His confidence grew with it but unfortunately so did the anxiety, the doubt.

But not only that, but he was silenced too. Ignored. He’d start talking, have a good conversation with anyone but sometimes, when whoever he’s talking to doesn’t like what he said or wants to move on, they’ll talk over him and say whatever they want.

He remembers a car ride with his mother once, talking about his father and when he started admitting his disdain and annoyance with him, his mother ignored it and immediately pointed something out to him and refused to speak about the original thing. It made him feel silenced, uncomfortable and felt out ignored.

To this day it all still happens, not so much with his parents anymore. They’re too wrapped up into their business, not at all concerned about him anymore. But it happens with his friends and found family, his brain has definitely trained him into snapping his mouth shut when it happens now.

It’ll always hurt, he thinks, knows.



~

Does it make sense?? I hope it reads okay. I was rambling/venting by projecting onto Steve (again)

Under the cut is a vent/explanation and my taglist (idk if this counts as a fic but I’m sure you’ll all want to be informed that I am still here thinking up ideas & can write. Wips just aren’t there yet ☹️)

btw: peeps on my taglist is this something you wanna be tagged on or do you just want to just be tagged on fics??

I didn’t notice it was even happening until recently. But my family does this thing when I’m talking and they’re not happy with whenever or wants to move on or doesn’t care for what I’m saying, they’ll switch the topic. They’ll come up with an excuse or mumble under their breath, or just say something else entirely.

It didn’t click until I started actively changing my outlook with everything. (Also when I had a fucking massive breakdown in the middle of quarantine in 2020) Once you notice it, it’s hard to ignore. It happened to me just recently again, I was trying to talk to my mom about some family issues and I started to notice her shaking her head and then immediately mumbled about something she was looking at. It made me shut up immediately and realized she wasn’t going to hear me.

It’s a constant battle and I always lose the words to speak up.

Anyway, taglist!!!!

@spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @estrellami-1 @gregre369 @zerokrox-blog @bookworm0690 @flustratedcas @carlprocastinator1000 @marvelmwah @solliesolesito @navnae @grimmfitzz

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Lost help 😩😩 A sizable number of eruris also seem to enjoy zevi but I just can't get behind it 😭😭 I don't even get the appeal (can you actually explain it to me like actually actually 😭😭) My dislike for Zeke > content from authors I enjoy 😓😓 Zeke is so cold, heartless, and selfish. Like, his mind is stuck in his own selfmade diy echo chamber 😵‍💫😵‍💫 The Levi of my-own-interpretations wouldn't ever get with someone who doesn't value human life like Zeke. Some people may think "Well, Erwin doesn't value human life either" but we see Erwin suffering from guilt. If he thought of his comrades as anything less than human, we wouldn't see him being burdened by his decisions 😶😶He shoulders the responsibility of his decisions and is keenly aware that his decisions and commands sometimes lead to deaths of many. We literally him standing on a pile of corpses in his own mind 😩😩 If he saw his comrades as mere pawns in his quest for Truth, he wouldn't be affected by any lives lost. Idk it irks me when I see people equating Zeke to Erwin, and I see Zeke and Levi's relationship as hostile more than anything 😵😵

I’m not sure I’m the best person to explain the attraction of Zevi! To say I’m not a fan of Zeke would be the understatement of the century, and I have the #zevi tag blocked on all my socials. Having said that, I can kinda see why Zevi is catnip to some fans. Whichever way you look at it, Erwin, Levi and Zeke’s stories are entangled in canon and Levi and Zeke have a very powerful antagonistic relationship. Not only did Zeke kill Erwin, but he is the living embodiment of Levi’s vow.  That kind of relationship is a gift to fic writers. Added to which, Zeke, he is a really well-written complex character with considerable depth. For some fans it’s just a straight up case of hate shipping.  Hate shipping isn’t my thing, but it’s as old as fandom and I’m not going to judge anyone who is into it.  More often than not in Eruri fics Zeke is a convenient plot device.  He often appears as Levi’s abusive and / or manipulative current or ex partner. (I’ve never been entirely convinced by this scenario, but whatever.) This enables Erwin to ”save” Levi. In some cases he might be the knight in shining armour who rescues Levi from his abusive partner. In others, he enables Levi to see for himself what a piece of shit Zeke really is, giving him the motivation and courage to leave and move on. 

Although I try to avoid Zevi like the plague, I have read a few fics by authors I admire that feature past Zevi. One fic I love, which isn’t past Zevi, but which really gets to the heart of Levi and Zeke’s complicated relationship is When in doubt, use violence by no_tengo_porque Levi and Zeke have a really antagonistic relationship from the moment they meet, however they are drawn to each other for reasons Levi doesn’t initially understand. I won’t spoil it for anyone who hasn’t read it, but it’s a really interesting dynamic. 

Comparing Erwin to Zeke makes no sense to me at all though.  They are polar opposites in many ways.  Killing is a game to Zeke, and he actively seems to revel in it at times, whereas Erwin is plagued by guilt over every death under his command. Zeke is egotistical and remains stubbornly convinced that his own plan is the right one, while Erwin sees his own actions in the worst possible light and believes he is a fraud for pursuing his own dream (despite the fact it aligns with Saving Humanity.) They really couldn’t be more different. 

I guess at the end of the day we all interpret these characters differently and we all have our own preferences, likes and dislikes. I dislike Zevi intensely, but if other Eruri authors enjoy it for whatever reason, I’m not going to judge, I just quietly filter out those works and move on.

[tealmoth]

also "darkfic au that got out of control" is such a funny description to me 😭 im curious as to why you think so personally i thought it was pretty balanced in heavy and lighthearted moments and considering the themes like the effects of imperialism i dont see why it wouldnt be handled as such. havent watched in a while tho idk

oooohh okay so this’ll be a fun thing to answer because i’ve been desperate to ramble about ‘03 plot points to anyone who will listen all week. so for me, honestly, the darkfic vibes come more from how deeply it dredges into the dark aspects, if that makes any sense?? most of what’s “dark” in ‘03 already exists and is explored in brotherhood, like the imperialism aspects as you mentioned, as well as grief and trauma and everything else that comes prepackaged with fma’s core story. but brotherhood handled these in a very shonen way (which is to be expected, of course). the darkness pushes the characters forward, makes them fight on. even when they’re at the brink, they’re called back by a loved one, or by their own convictions, and it retains an overall positive feel.

meanwhile in ‘03, i get the specific vibe that the writers looked at the story they already had, and asked themselves “how can this be worse??”

(inserting a read more because i’m about to go on a MASSIVE tangent, sorry.)

and so, here are some of the specific darker aspects that stood out the most to me:

the build-up to nina is given far more screentime and its place in the timeline is totally different. not only are the elrics so much younger here, but they’re also essentially a part of the tucker family for the better part of several months iirc. they also witness the direct aftermath of her death at the hands of scar (which is also implied to be FAR more gruesome here), whereas in brotherhood they find out from riza the morning after it happens.

there’s the whole barry ordeal which afaik doesn’t serve much purpose other than it, well, being kinda neat to see pre-armor barry. and i could totally be misremembering here and/or missing something important but the whole episode just stands out to me as “hey, i don’t think that ed’s had enough trauma yet. let’s sprinkle in some attempted murder.”

everything with the laboratory, holy shit. tucker’s reappearance, the attempts at recreating nina, the prisoners, everything with kimblee, the way ed almost activates the array, ALL OF IT is insane in this version.

al’s doubts about his memories and his origins is a longer arc and leads to more conflict with ed in this version.

mustang and winry’s parents. mustang’s suicide attempt. everything with mustang that’s not comic relief (which there’s still plenty of).

as stated in the tags of my first ‘03 post, the utilization of rose’s character is a really intense departure (while interesting!!) that completely took me aback.

the entirely different lore surrounding the homunculi is both incredibly fascinating and a lot to take in, and it leads to them being far more mentally vulnerable and tormented characters than they are in brotherhood. the contrast alone between the development greed gets in brotherhood (using him as an example since he effectively has the most character growth out of the homunculi there) and the development that lust, wrath, and sloth get in ‘03 stands out the most to me.

sloth in general. it’s a wildly fascinating take and, in addition to REALLY hammering in the themes surrounding their mother’s transmutation, also stands to provide even more trauma for the elrics.

and on that subject, the adults are far less present for the boys in this version. that’s not to say that they’re like “parents” or anything in brotherhood, but they’re a lot more openly concerned for them in a personal, affectionate way in that show. whereas here, especially in the early segments, i’m pretty sure that ed could have died in a ditch somewhere and they wouldn’t have noticed for at least a week.

scar’s characterization is more vulnerable here and both his death and the events leading up to it are insane.

and that’s not even getting into everything with dante, which deserves its own post.

with all that said, i’m also not even done with this show yet. i still have four eps left!!

but, all rambling aside, that’s what specifically gave me the darkfic sort of vibe. not to demean the show or reduce it to fanfic terms, or anything; it’s still very interesting and competent writing. but it just gives me so much whiplash when compared to brotherhood’s overarching feelings of hope and the ability to fight back and change the future for the better. it feels soul-nourishing to me, in a way. meanwhile, ‘03 is like a cavalcade of trauma, all provoked by the question “you know what’d be really fucked up??”

[junkshop-disco]

Just posted a new chapter so what better time for a fic meme. Tagged by @magicalrocketships but idk if I have any better screen grabs than theirs.

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

38, which makes the average word count completely ridiculous.

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

1,048,397. Average word count 27,589. Brevity, I don't know her.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Downton Abbey, Fate the Winx Saga, Good Omens currently.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Honeysuckle Arch

Learning to Speak the Language of Flowers

An Equal and Opposite Reaction

Instalments

The Could in People

Whenever I look at the stats, I'm taken aback at just how skewed my sense of which fics are the most popular is. Because I would not have guessed some of these at all.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, but I am--at heart--a deeply anxious squirrel masquerading as a person and any sort of interaction with people I don't know well can sometimes be too much for me to handle. When my anxiety is bad, I imagine that every single comment will be about how shit my writing is and what an awful person I am, so I can't read them right away, let alone reply. I have to work up to them and do a couple at a time and I always intend to reply but sometimes, weeks/months/years pass without me feeling up to it and then it feels too awkward. Right now my anxiety is much better thanks to lots of medication and some pretty hefty life changes, so I'm more able to engage with them like a vaguely normal person, but sometimes if I have a bad week, opening the comment box to reply 'thanks! Glad you liked it' makes me feel like James Bond sitting nose to nose with an armed bomb. I do hold onto comments, though. I screen grab ones that really resonated and re-read them when I feel down. They mean a great deal to me, even if I can't always say so in a timely fashion.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's definitely a Merlin fic, possibly Doubt Creeps In? That whole thing is pretty angsty and there's no real resolution. I wrote a few angsty endings in Merlin fic.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Idk that I've ever written truly happy ending. I've written cute endings, give-them-a-break endings, but I don't know if I'd describe any of them as happy. I don't tend to go in for them. Nothing winds me up more than an epilogue with a pasted on happy ending. I have been known to hurl a book across the room.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't for a while but I used to when I wrote HP fic. My favourite ever was 'you should be flayed for writing this. I hope you die.' I still laugh when I think about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. All kinds? I have written the odd fade to black in my time and also the most unremitting filth in all flavours of vanilla to kinky.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've written a handful. Back on LJ I wrote a Merlin/Twilight crossover where Edward and Merlin team up to fight evil vampire unicorns who can only be killed by virgins singing at them until they explode.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep. Tbh I just feel sad for the people who do it. It seems like a very hollow way to do fandom.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep. And podficced! It's always nice.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've done a few Big Bangs and other events where I collaborated with someone and it's always one of my favourite things to do. I've also co-written some... stuff on anon, which we're not going to talk about 👀

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Can anyone pick just one? Like Hotel California, I check out but I never leave. I am still here for Mulder and Scully, Mal and Inara, Tara and Willow, Giles and Jenny, Bradley and Colin, Merlin and Gwaine, Nick and Harry and Niall, Isak and Even, Remus, Lily, Sirius and Tonks, Crowley and Aziraphale, Thomas and Richard, Ed and Stede, Farah and Saul. The ships I love never leave me and picking a favourite would make me sad.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

If I'm posting it, it will get finished. I have a couple of things languishing on my hard drive that may never see the light of day, like a Thomas in LA fic post DA2, but I can't not finish things.

16. What are your writing strengths?

A commitment to the bit? An unwavering belief there's never a bad time for banter? An unfailing devotion to poking people's bruises?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

See above.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Would attempt only in a comedy situation where getting it wrong was the point.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Firefly. The first one I posted in was HP though, rip.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Saying I'm fond of all of them would be such a cop out, wouldn't it? In truth, my favourite is usually the one I'm currently writing, so let's say Sum of the In-between Things. It's morphed so far from what I intended it to be and I have literally no idea if I can stick the landing on it, but I've genuinely had a blast writing it, and that's the point, isn't it?

Tagging: @septemberrie @myalchod and @magnolia822!

[cchapsticck]

20 Fic Writer Questions

@dreamwatch tagged me and I have been so slammed at work but the show is open now and am able to look at my tags.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

146,941

3. What fandoms do you write for?

On this account its been Stranger Things, Baldur's Gate 3 and Critical Role - because we're sticking to a Dungeons and Dragons adjacent theme completely not on purpose.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

UNTITLED RECORDING rcd ca. 1987-1988 ANACRUSIS ca. 1987 head line sunflower broke wait, runner

5. Do you respond to comments?

I sincerely try to! I get them pretty infrequently so I'm always so tripping over myself to say something in response and surely sound like a total dipshit when I do. I know there are a few in my inbox I haven't responded to yet because work has my free time in a vice grip at the moment.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh surely dog at the door - the ending was always intended to be vague and open to interpretation but I cannot imagine any good faith interpretation to the ending is like. good. Runner up is probably of or pertaining to the body, which only takes the runner up status because its an elaboration on canon events that are objectively harrowing, versus with dog where I have engineered speculative misery for the express purpose of being miserable.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

head line, I think, is my only published fic with an unambiguously optimistic ending. I think there's been hope and happiness in my other fics, but not without caveats or as of yet unaddressed emotional complication in the futures of those stories. idk does that even make sense?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far as I know but who knows, maybe there are corners of the internet talking mad shit what do I know?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have said it before and I will say it again, I feel like one of my greatest failings as a writer is my inability to write smut without cringing myself inside out. I just don't think I'm any good at it. Smut lives in my heart though.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I suppose it depends on what one's definition of a crossover is? Like where's the line between an AU and a crossover? One time I wrote a DnD ST AU that includes no established WotC DnD NPCs but all of its world building, is that a crossover? Or does a crossover only constitute as a crossover as a matter of disparate series characters interacting? I have questions.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

lmao aint no on reading my business I cannot imagine anyone would be so moved to do so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't believe so, but I also haven't looked into it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've definitely worked on collaborative projects before, they all exist in various states of planning or semi-publication or DM hollering. I enjoy it, its like playing toys with your friends.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

It really depends what I'm in the mood for? Vibes wise lol? I have a handful of ships that I constantly rotate around in my brain like a rotisserie chicken that re-enter the hyperfocus zone on a semi regular schedule. Ask my about my forevergirl ships.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

lol could be any of them tbh

16. What are your writing strengths?

lmao lol even I'm so bad at self praise this is a nightmare. I like to think I have a deft hand with character voice, I like to think my writing feels generally grounded, lived in?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I really lack rigor, I think, when it comes to writing. I get discouraged by writers block very easily, I make it very easy for myself to walk away from a project. Which, I know isn't inherently a bad thing - some things just don't work out, or you don't have the time for that kind of commitment etc - but I often feel like there is a necessary momentum that I lose that just makes my creative endeavors just stagnate and I really struggle to manufacture that momentum for myself when it starts to diminish.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think it depends, I think there are contexts where it's appropriate and contexts where its inappropriate. For me it boils down to like, one's ability to use the language authentically and grammatically, if the language being potentially inscrutable to the reader is part of the need of the use of another language - textually, does it feel authentic to the way multi-lingual speakers communicate, etc etc etc.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think the first fic I wrote with the intent of public consumption was KHR? I think?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Hm. This answer changes from time to time depending on how I'm feeling about my work in general, but I think right now sunflower broke is holding that top slot. It got me back into writing, it made me realize how much fun writing Eddie's character was for me, the themes that sort of preoccupy me about him floated to the surface there. Just a little scratch of the surface with that one.

[catusbeanius]

tagged by @smollestduck-sketches !!! thankies!! also i'm gonna extend this to fics ive written but never published bc the only fics I've published were my frantic fanfics with some friends LSKSLKDJ

1. how many works?

If we count each franfic fanfic, then easily over twenty. A lot of my fics are half-finished though so if we discount them and the frantic fanfics, then more like 3 or 5? Probably just 1 actually smh

2. total word count?

Uhhh...... Lemme count rq. 1800 on the frantics (not distinguishing between my writing and my friends' writing), and then 7200 from whatevers in the obsidian document I opened. Theres more on scrivener and random sheets of paper, but my laptop is slow and I don't have time to find them all :(

3. what fandoms do u write for?

Twst and Enstars, pretty much. Technically some crossovers with Sam & Max as well!! Ig technically OM as well then

4. top 5 fics by kudos

Don't have any :(

5. do u respond to comments?

I would if I got them!!

6. fic u wrote with the angstiest ending?

That one fic about Cherio angsting over Trickstar (i think it's on my old laptop and that one's even slower smh. I gotta transfer these things at some point. If I find it, maybe I'll post it!! But it was a mild vent fic)

7. fic u wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my fics are mildly hopeful (if I finish them) but I liked this one Cherio lore Mally birthday fic I wrote where rat-kun showed up and ate his cake. I could probably post that one, but it doesn't make much sense without the Cherio lore context (which I haven't written down yet :( )

8. do u get hate on fics?

Yeah, from myself (I'm jk, I don't hate my writing)

9. do u write smut?

Teehee :3 Technically, I have. Probably won't do it again, though. Eh, we'll see.

10. craziest crossover fics?

OM and Sam & Max

11. have u ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12. ever had a fic translated?

Very, very technically yes though bc I would write fics in class in a secret script and then decode them at home SLKD (but, as I said, that's more decoding than translating)

13. ever co-written a fic?

Yes! The frantics

14. all time favorite ship?

Lilia Vanrouge x urmom /j Serious answer, idek ;v; Anything that makes Mika or Malleus happy, I suppose! (ShuNaruMika especially). I'd also say anything that makes Lilia happy but you can't really ship him with anyone bc he's so old it'll always be a little weird

15. what's a wip u wanna finish but doubt u will?

Cherio Lore :( I can write a synopsis of it, but I really want to organically present the ideas through typical novel writing as practice before I really write my own stories. Alas, idk what happens in the middle (as always)

16. writing strengths?

Abstract descriptions! I hope, at least. I love writing them!!

17. writing weaknesses?

Dialogue fs. Idk how people talk. Also, sentence variation. I'm a predictable guy and I have my favorite words!!

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

The thing is, if it's in a different script to the language you're writing in (for example, English and Japanese), there's not a way for the reader to read it, yk? And idk if there's a way to organically integrate a translation. Even if your reader isn't supposed to know what they're saying, what's the point in including the dialogue in the first place? You can just say they said something in Japanese. Unless it's assumed your reader knows the other language, then it adds some dramatic irony. Ofc, there's gonna be ways you can fit it in well since each situation is different, but I wouldn't add it explicitly in quotations, per se. This is coming from a semi-bilingual language nerd semi-studying to be an editor (aka, don't take it to heart bc I'm not a professional)

19. first fandom u wrote in?

Bnha. Bad, bad, bad stuff. I get chills thinking about it.

20. fav fic youve written?

Any Lilia angst, tbh. I don't even care for angst why do I always write Lilia angst istg (and it's delicious every time)

This was fun!! Hopefully it was interesting!!

I pass this game onto you, my friends :>

@unnecessarilysalty @multilevelwriter-blog

[imperiumwifestrikesagain]

Thank you to @chenfordspiral for tagging anyone!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

36

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

310,810

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I’ve written for How I Met Your Mother, NCIS, and the Rookie. I also wrote some Sherlock fic that I never published.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

This is the Future

Up is down, down is up

Precious and Few

All at Once Everything Looks Different

You Don't See It?

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! I haven’t been doing my best lately because my glass balls are with my kids and responding is one of my plastic balls.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well- the angstiest ending would be for I’ll Tell you my Sins. But considering it’s only in my head… With the Arm of her Brother is probably the most angst of what’s published. Unless you are a Ted Mosby fan then probably Ted the Slave 🤣😂

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh gosh idk! There are so many possibilities! Aunt Genny probably.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not on most, but I got a LOT of hate on Ted the Slave, which fair. Actually I should probably go back and mark that as non-conish

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ummmm, I’ve done it all? I don’t shy away from it and I’ve done smut requests before.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope. Not my thing, don’t even really love to read them, unless they are in the same universe. (Ncis or rookie and feds for example.)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

No. Would be cool though.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes actually, and I don’t think it’s even on ao3. A group of fandom friends and I decided we were going to rewrite season 8 and 9 of HIMYM to make sense with the characters. I think we got maybe five episodes in? I don’t know if I could tell you where to find it without research.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

This is like asking who my favorite child is.

Okay. Mondler.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Probably I’ll tell you my Sins. But any of them really.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I am terrible at this. But editing? I don’t know.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

My muse running away too frequently.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hate it. Nope. I don’t like having things wrong; and I seriously admire all the writers out there who write in a second language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HIMYM. It was when I discovered fanfic and fandom because I was a sheltered child and didn’t join chatrooms and didn’t know fandom spaces existed. Although I was writing fanfic in my head for YEARS without knowing it was normal

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Again with the favorite child thing. They all my babies. I’m probably still most proud of This js the Future. It held up over time. But Weddjng Day Jitters and Falling Slowly round up the top three.

Almost everyone I would ask has already played, so anyone that wants to play!

[chronicowboy]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by my love @shitouttabuck thank you soooo much i'm so bored catching up on lectures

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

66 for buddie but 79 overall

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

609,231 HA WHAT

3. what fandoms do you write for?

used to write for tfatws and aos but now it's 911 or nothin

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

let's build this house (into a home, baby) did not know this was my top so glad it is tho my absolute baby beloved

please? (can't say no) okay fair i do love this one surprised it's number 2 tho

memory (all alone in the moonlight) okayyyyy

not all of us are heroes (not all of us are brave) my titles are so shit i had to check to remember which one this was but yeah kinda slay

accidents happen (but i will love you on purpose) so glad this stupid silly turned heavy romantic little fic made it into top 5

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

on my bigger fics i always always do my best to reply to every comment just because of how much effort i poured into it and i want my wonderful beautiful commenters to know how grateful i am for the comments, i try to on my smaller fics but the reality of the matter is my brain is unimaginative when it comes to thank yous and i'm terrible at keeping up with shit like that but just know i read all of them and appreciate them sooooo goddamn much !!!!!!!!!!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i am probably incapable of angsty endings even when i write incredibly angsty fics so uh it'd probably some of my cross-posted little lightning era ficlets like i couldn't say no which is very chris-centred

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

literally like 99% of them are sappily happy because i'm disgusting and fragile when it comes to these men but it'd probably be the gross, gooey ending of the safe haven baby fic

8. do you get hate on fics?

no?????? idk if i'm just very lucky or have blocked it out but i don't think so

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i do but like. in the loosest possible sense. i try to keep it as vague and non-explicit as possible unless it's crucial to the story bc i am pretty sure i'm a little lesbian and dicks freak me out!!!

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i mean. i guess technically the parks and rec au could be considered a crossover of some sorts what with lil sebastian but apart from that.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so?

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of but i have had a podfic made which is awesome!!!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no god i feel like that would stress me out way too much. like i'd love to write with some of you beautiful minds on here but i am very poor at deadlines and group projects either make me incredibly stressy and lazy or control freaky and i wouldn't want to inflict that upon anyone

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

fuck. i mean. that's just. i feel like with 66 works and like 300k words you'd expect it to be buddie and i love them deeply but at the heart of me i am a merthur girlie through and through. they were the og. they were my whole world. they still are. nothing like two tragic little gay men so devoted to each other that it makes them severely fucked up!!!!!

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh my god. fuck. huh. there are like five aus that i am so desperate to write and have kinda-sorta planned but to call them wips would be very generous. there's the queer bar au which i WILL write one day, then the game night au, the nice guys au oh my god i love her deeply, the new girl au of course bc nickeddie has me in a chokehold despite not writing a word of him and then the merthurbuddie au i actually will never write bc i know it'd be 300k words long and take up the entirety of my life for like a solid year.

16. what are your writing strengths?

uh dialogue? i've always been told my writing's very cinematic and i'm experimenting more with scripts (play mostly but a little bit of tv and film) in my creative writing course.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

oh god. description. i feel like there's never enough between my dialogue idk. and my description is always so like. functional. i got scared of purple prose in high school and overcorrected somewhere along the way lollllll

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i love it, i try to avoid it because i always overestimate what i'll be able to remember from 5 years of spanish courses and then end up thoroughly humbling myself, would love to do it more but yeah apparently my brain just doesn't cooperate with other languages which suckssss

19. first fandom you wrote for?

okay well. it was marvel. and it was sambucky i think. either that or some irondad on this blog. but we're going to ignore that!!!!!! it was a dark time!

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

oooh boy oh man. um. want to say no rizz kink fic bc i had so much fun writing it but i know it's one of my aus. i just can't decide between neighbours, parks and rec, national treasure or gilmore girls. whoops

tagging: uh feel like i'm very late to the party so ignore if you've already been tagged lol @butchdiaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @folk-fae @piningeddiediaz if u guys want <3

[chenziee]

Ash

Attempt #idk-how-many to see if this finally shows up in the goddamned tags because I care about this verse and this fic okay

Once again, I bring you an offering of some extremely soft Lawlu with a dash of Law being embarrassingly in love (which really isn't any different from canon), feat. Law taking some romantic phrases and little bit too literally.

This is part 3 of the vivre card/Ashes of Life series but as usual, you absolutely don't need to have read the other two for this to make sense!

! Manga spoilers for chapters 1030 onward, mostly 1043 and 1044 ! Light angst with a happy ending and a lot of comfort :)

[ Read on AO3 | Full Series | Ko-Fi ]

—————

The Skull Dome of Onigashima was shaking, pieces of rubble and wood falling off the ceiling and walls. It was no wonder with all the fierce battles that were going on—really, in Law’s opinion it was more of a shock that the building was still standing after their fight with Kaido on the roof, the All Stars and Tobi Roppo going wild all over the place, not to mention the Straw Hats. They were probably doing more damage than all their enemies combined. Hell, Straw Hat himself came crashing through the goddamned floor only minutes earlier riding a pink fucking dragon.

How very Straw Hat-ya, Law thought to himself with some undeniable, if questionable, amusement.

“The fuck are you smiling about, Trafalgar?” Eustass asked with disgust.

Law scowled, quickly wiping the smile off his face as he looked at his tentative ally. “Speak for yourself,” Law shot back, eyeing the manic grin on Eustass’ lips. 

Seriously. 

He was surrounded by idiots.

First Straw Hat and Roronoa, now Eustass—all of them a bit too happy to pick fights with people for no reason for Law taste.

Although, Law didn’t have much room to talk.

Huffing to himself, Law stood up to his full height, leaning Kikoku’s long blade against his shoulder as he took in Big Mom’s large, threatening presence. She was staring down at them, hair aflame, sword in one hand, thunder cloud in the other. Random things brought to life were dancing at her feet, all of them laughing and taunting him and Eustass. A wide smile was plastered on her face, a smile that couldn’t be more different from the one Straw Hat always wore whenever facing a strong enemy. It was icy cold, born not of the thrill of battle but of pure bloodthirst, lacking any care for anything or anyone.

Law much preferred Straw Hat’s idiotic, excited grins even though they always gave him a headache in the end.

“You have that disgusting expression on your face again,” Eustass said with a click of his tongue.

“Fuck off, Eustass-ya. Focus on the enemy,” Law retorted but he schooled his expression back to neutral.

What was he even doing, thinking about Straw Hat while he had Big Mom raging and ready to kill right in front of him? How stupid. But somehow, he couldn’t help but feel lighter because of it. Because that’s what Luffy did, wasn’t it? Making people stop doubting themselves, giving them hope when there was none, pushing them forward when they saw no path ahead.

Even now, he was on the roof fighting Kaido after he was already defeated twice, stubbornly charging forward to show the way to all the warriors fighting inside the Skull Dome. He would beat Kaido no matter what it took, no matter how many times he got beat down—he would always bounce back like the rubbery idiot he was and finally bring dawn to Wano. And Law had no doubt that he would succeed.

Shaking his head to clear it, Law chased all these useless thoughts away. No matter how confident in their—and Luffy’s—victory he was, they were still facing two Emperors.

Really, having fought them both, he could describe them as nothing but monsters. And honestly… It was fun. And even if it meant he had to work with Eustass, he would make sure to drag Big Mom down from her perch, from the comfortable, untouchable seat of an Emperor of the Sea.

The Rocks’ era was over two years ago.

Now, it was their era to claim.

Flexing his hand, a smirk pulled on Law’s lips. How much would it take to dethrone two relics of a time long gone? How much to claim their seats?

He was sure they were going to find out soon.

“K-Room.”

He was going to bring Big Mom down right here, right now. And then he was going to watch Luffy as he tore the rest of the old world down.

—————

Gasping for breath, Law finally let himself drop to the floor, completely spent. For a moment, he wondered if he could just pass out and sleep for a week now—he deserved at least that after overusing his awakened powers and sending Big Mom who knows how far underground, right?

“Captain!!” 

He heard his crew cheer from somewhere but he didn’t bother looking in that direction; he only closed his eyes, leaning his back against the rubble as he relaxed. Now the only things that remained was cleaning out the fodder, the All Stars, and Kaido.

Law took a deep breath, focusing his Observation Haki to gauge the situation. Honestly, it was near impossible to tell what was even going on inside the Dome but he couldn’t say he cared. It was enough that he couldn’t find either King’s, Queen’s or Jack’s presence. Beside that… the only thing that mattered to him was the roof.

“Straw Hat-ya,” Law muttered, finally opening his eyes to stare at the ceiling where he could sense Luffy’s and Kaido’s Voices.

They were both much weaker than they were at the start of this night but they were still raging to go… although Law could tell Straw Hat was about as exhausted as Law himself. It wouldn’t be long for that fight to be over as well.

“Captain! Are you okay?!” Bepo asked with urgency as he fell to his knees next to Law to check him over.

Law only hummed noncommittally, barely paying attention while he focused on the Voices above. Why were there three now?

And then… there were only two again.

And a split second later… only one.

A single Voice.

And it wasn’t Luffy.

Law’s eyes widened as he shot up, ignoring his protesting body that refused to move. He needed to make sure. 

Law paid no attention to Bepo’s cry, the mink probably shocked from the speed and suddenness of his best friend’s movement, but Law just didn’t care. Not now.

“Room,” he growled, a tiny sphere appearing around his hand for a second before it flickered out of existence again. Law clicked his tongue impatiently, before trying again, "Fucking—Room.”

Finally, his power listened to him and a Room came to life, holding stable, and Law continued, turning his hand up to his chest. “Scalpel.”

“Captain, what are you doing?!” Bepo cried in alarm.

“Not now, Bepo,” Law snapped.

“Have you finally lost it, Trafalgar?” Eustass asked then, voice mocking.

“Shut up!” Law really didn’t have the patience for any of them right now. He could feel his heart being a mile per second as he took it out of his ribcage, his breathing shallow while his mind went completely blank, his vision narrowing until he could barely see anything. “Hold this,” he told Bepo absent-mindedly before he dropped his heart into Bepo’s lap.

He could hear Bepo fumbling to grab it, probably terrified something would happen to the organ with it being treated so carelessly by its owner.

Law, however, simply reached into the hole that was left in his chest, searching—searching for something that should be so easy to grab but that he simply couldn’t find. It couldn’t be gone, it simply couldn’t… Where is it? Please no no no—

Finally, his fingers touched something that didn’t belong in the crevice and Law quickly took it out, clenching it in his fist for a moment. He was scared to look at it. He could already feel it—he could feel the burn, feel the size, feel it falling apart. He didn’t want to look but there was nothing else for him, nothing to do, no way to avoid it. Fuck, he could hear it from his Voice anyway.

He was just so scared.

Taking a shaky breath, Law opened his hand to look at the piece of paper on his palm—or what was left of it.

“Did you seriously just pull a vivre card out of your fucking chest? Are you actually insane?” Eustass asked with his voice completely blank and Law could just imagine the weirded out expression he was probably wearing right then. But then, Eustass continued, “Wait. Don’t tell me that’s—”

“Straw Hat…” Bepo breathed quietly, carefully.

Law didn’t react to either of them. He only gulped heavily, watching as the tiny, oh so tiny piece of paper moved weakly across his palm, getting smaller with every second as the edges burned more and more. There was barely anything left. Barely enough to hang onto any hope.

“What are you doing?” Law growled, but he could barely hear himself. There was a hum in his ears, a white noise that didn’t mean anything, didn’t serve any purpose but to drive him even more mad.

He refused to believe this.

The paper had to be lying.

There was simply no way, no way that Luffy lost.

No way that his life was about to disappear, leaving behind nothing but a few specks of ash.

He had to do something. He blindly reached his free hand, searching for Kikoku, getting ready to get up but his legs weren’t listening to him. He didn’t have any strength left to even move, much less fight.

And then… it was too late anyway.

“No—” Law could barely let out before the last bits of paper scattered into the air, leaving behind nothing more than the ghost of the feeling of burning embers on his palm.

For a moment, it was like time had stopped. Law couldn’t breathe, couldn’t hear, couldn’t feel anything. He only sat there motionlessly while Bepo panicked beside him, Eustass cursing somewhere so very far away. And still, the only thing running through his mind was no, this can’t be happening.

What kind of sick joke was this?

They had come so far; they brought all these people together, they pulled off this raid, they beat all the strongest enemies… The only one left was Kaido and up until this very moment, Law had no doubt he would witness yet another miracle of Straw Hat’s own making.

He never even considered this possibility. If he had known, he would have never—

He shouldn’t have left the roof.

He should have helped.

He should have been there.

But he didn’t and he wasn’t and now he was here; alone. Left with nothing but a hole in his chest and a few pieces of dust on his skin that were just a reminder of what used to be a solid chunk of paper—one full of life which was stronger than any other, with determination to pull through anything and still burn brightly like the sun.

So why? Why did this happen?

Law barely flinched when the ceiling came crashing down and Kaido’s booming voice demanded Momonosuke’s head, declaring Luffy’s death in the same breath.

It wasn’t a surprise to him, after all. It didn’t fucking matter what Kaido said at this point.

“It was a short-lived dream…” Eustass muttered.

“Suppose it’s the cold, hard reality. We have nothing left,” Law replied, voice completely void of emotion. He still couldn’t tear his eyes away from charred, black remains of Luffy’s life-force still clinging to his skin.

“Fuck this. I’m going to fight, Trafalgar. I’m not surrendering just like that,” Eustass announced, slowly getting to his feet even though his movements were sluggish and wobbly.

And Law knew—he knew that was the right thing to do. He, too, was going to fight. This was no time to sit here and be completely useless…

But before he could so much as look up, something stopped him. “What the—”

Completely frozen, Law could only watch with wide eyes as specks of dust and ash gathered in his palm, swirling in place as if guided by a non-existent gust of wind. It took Law a long moment to realise what was happening; and how could he? It was ridiculous, completely unheard of, and if Law didn’t see it happening in real time, he would never have believed it.

But there it was, the very same vivre card that had burned down to nothing a mere minute ago, back in one piece as if nothing happened and only growing bigger each second.

The wave of powerful haki that followed seemed almost redundant then. And when the deafening beat of a drum started echoing in his mind, Law had no doubt what was happening anymore. Or well, he still had absolutely no idea what was even going on but he did know the most important thing.

“Fucking idiot,” Law sighed as his fingers curled into a fist around the full-sized, alive vivre card, clutching it close.

“What’s going on? What’s this sound?!” Bepo asked, paws on his ears as he looked around with confusion.

“Just Straw Hat-ya doing something ridiculous. Again. Don’t worry about it, he’s really going to finish it now.” Law let go of a tired breath, finally allowing himself to relax again. He felt so exhausted… As if the fight with Big Mom wasn’t enough, Straw Hat just had to go and make it worse.

He was going to have a word with this idiot when this was all over.

“Uhm, captain?”

Cracking one eye open, Law glanced at Bepo, humming questioningly.

Bepo fumbled for a moment, looking like he was trying to pick something up while absolutely terrified to touch it. Only when he managed to raise his paws up, did Law realise why. “Sorry. What—what about your heart?”

“Shit I completely forgot,” Law groaned, forcing himself to sit up again before he reached over to grab the organ from Bepo’s awkward hold to put it back in place. “Thanks.”

“Freak,” someone noted.

“Fuck off, Eustass-ya.”

—————

Whatever Law had expected to happen when Straw Hat had come back, it sure as hell wasn’t that. He still wasn’t sure what did actually happen but watching Luffy, with his hair and clothes pure white, jump and run around, change sizes however he wished, bend the very laws of nature to his own will, and laugh like a maniac the whole time… It was both completely surreal and perfectly Straw Hat at the same time.

And watching him now, having fun during the celebratory festival as if nothing happened…

Law just felt so tired.

“Captain? Are you okay?” Penguin asked when Law got up from the ground where he and his crew had been drinking at the sidelines of the heart of the festival.

No, Law's mind immediately supplied but he bit his tongue, refusing to let the word slip out.

“I need a break,” Law said without elaborating.

Penguin looked like he was about to press him but when their eyes met, he deflated and nodded, making Law sigh in relief. He really didn’t feel like explaining the frustration he felt right then—not to his crew, not to his friends, not to anyone. He was sure Penguin, Shachi and Bepo could understand what was on his mind either way, after all the time they’ve known each other. 

Without another word, Law turned around and left, leaving the noise and energy of the festival behind. He didn’t even know where he was heading, he simply knew he needed to get away; get somewhere where he could breathe, where he didn’t have to put up a facade of being alright.

Because he wasn’t alright. Not after Onigashima; the fight with Kaido, Big Mom, and everything after… It was too much. And with everyone celebrating and all the stress falling away, it was getting impossible to hide.

He really didn’t want to see anyone but of course, it couldn’t be that easy.

“Torao!! Finally found you!”

Heaving a deep sigh, Law stopped in his tracks, rubbing at his forehead. He already felt a headache coming; he wasn’t ready for this conversation but he knew there would be no point in trying to run away from this stubborn idiot. He always had a way to find Law wherever he would try to hide.

“Straw Hat-ya. What is it?” he asked when the other captain stopped next to him, out breath but with a wide smile plastered on his face and Law hated how his heart skipped a beat at the sight.

“I just wanted to see you! Your friends said you went on a walk so I thought I’d join you!” he announced proudly.

Law didn’t respond, he only turned away and started walking again. 

“Oi, Torao. Wait for me,” Straw Hat said, obviously taken aback by Law’s lack of communication.

“Then keep up,” Law shot back. He wasn’t even sure why he was being so short with him but he was just so annoyed.

They walked in silence for a moment and Law could feel Straw Hat’s gaze on the side of his head the entire time. He wanted to snap at him to stop staring, to just go away but somehow… he didn’t even care anymore.

He wasn’t surprised when Straw Hat finally spoke up, probably unable to bear the silence anymore, “Torao. What’s wrong?”

Law closed his eyes momentarily, praying for patience. He couldn’t say anyone was listening to him, however, and he felt his blood-pressure raising as he gritted his teeth. “Take a fucking guess,” he hissed.

Straw Hat tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows scrunching up into an adorable frown—one that only made Law even more annoyed. “I won’t know unless you talk to me, Torao…”

“Fine! You want to know what’s wrong? You’re what’s wrong!” Law finally snapped, running his hands through his hair in frustration, knocking his hat off in the process but he didn’t even care. “What the fuck were you thinking? You just let Kaido push you to that point without asking for help and without anyone even fucking knowing! And then what happened?!”

“Tora—” Straw Hat started before stopping himself. He quietly watched Law as he started pacing back and forth and continued ranting.

“Actually, I don’t even want to know what was running through that empty goddamned head of yours. Probably fucking nothing because you never think. You never stop to plan anything, never even wonder what might happen! Did the fact you already lost once and ended up in a fucking labour camp mean nothing? Why are you always so fucking reckless—”

“Law!” Straw Hat finally called before he grabbed Law’s arm, forcing him to stop in his tracks. “Law, look at me.”

“Fuck off, Straw Hat-ya. Let me go!” Law growled, trying to pry his arm out of Luffy’s vice grip without much success.

“No! Law, please. Look at me. We won. We’re both fine, all of us are fine. Nothing—”

“Don’t you dare say nothing happened!” Law interrupted as he finally yanked his arm free to instead point at Luffy’s chest, poking him hard just above his heart with every word that followed, “You. Fucking. Died.”

Silence followed his final statement. Luffy simply looked at him in silence, those large, honest eyes seemingly peering right into Law’s soul and taking him apart to the last atom while Law only stood there, glaring back at him as he panted lightly, out of breath after his tirade. He didn’t even care if he sounded pathetic and childish; he was just so angry. Angry and frustrated and tired and so scared.

It took a full minute before either of them moved but finally, Straw Hat opened his mouth, speaking quietly, “But I didn’t die, Law. I’m here now.”

Law clicked his tongue. “Luffy, you fucking died. Your vivre card burned to nothing in my fucking hand and I could do fuck all about it.”

And that was the entire heart of the matter, wasn’t it? That Law didn’t know until it was too late, that he couldn’t do anything about it, that he was completely and utterly helpless. Helpless in supporting him, helpless in protecting him, helpless in bringing him back.

It was only thanks to luck, the absolute ridiculousness of the Gum Gum Fruit, and Straw Hat’s endless willpower that he was even standing in front of Law right now. Law couldn’t do anything to support the love of his miserable fucking life when he most needed it.

He knew Luffy wouldn’t have wanted his help in the first place. He knew the best thing he could have done in that situation was to take care of Big Mom. He knew.

And yet…

“I’m sorry,” Luffy said finally, voice serious.

Law sighed heavily. “No, you’re not.”

“Well, I mean—” Straw Hat folded his hands behind his head, a small pout appearing on his lips— “I’m not sorry about picking a fight with Kaido, he deserved it!”

“See?” Law groaned while rubbing the bridge of his nose. Why was this idiot so—

“But I am sorry I scared you. Really.”

As soon as Law heard those words, it was like all energy drained from him and his shoulders sagged. He didn’t even care anymore; he just wanted to sleep and not have to think about any of this. Why was he even so angry in the first place? It was all done and over already. No what-ifs or alternatives could change what really happened and Luffy was right—they were okay now and everything worked out.

So what did it matter?

Clicking his tongue, Law turned away. He wanted to pick up his forgotten hat and just leave but before he could so much as lean down, Luffy’s fingers closed around his wrist, stopping him. He looked at him questioningly but before he could so much as say anything, Luffy shook his head, tugged at Law’s hand gently… and smiled.

“Come here,” he said quietly, opening his arms in invitation.

Law scowled, not moving a muscle but he didn’t protest when Luffy took a step closer, his arms snaking behind Law’s back and pulling him into a hug. It still took him a moment but soon, it became impossible to fight the warmth and security of Luffy’s embrace and he let himself relax, sinking into the feeling.

Letting go of a shaky breath, Law buried his face into the crook of Luffy’s neck, his arms coming to wrap around Luffy’s waist, pulling him closer. Suddenly, Law realised this was the first time he had touched Luffy since before the battle of Onigashima—really, when was the last time? Probably in the Amigasa village the morning before the raid, when they had exchanged a quick kiss before they each went their own way, to their own crews and their own ships.

After the battle, Luffy was unconscious for days and being cared for by Tony; there was no reason for Law to hang around. He really only got to see him earlier today once the festival started but Luffy being Luffy, he barely said hi to Law before he ran off to raid every stall he could get to.

Maybe… all Law needed was to feel his warmth, touch his skin, smell his hair—make sure he was real, solid, breathing.

That he was alive.

“I’m not going anywhere, Torao,” Luffy mumbled quietly as he slowly ran his fingers through Law’s hair.

“Back to stupid nicknames, are we?” Law asked instead of acknowledging his words.

Straw Hat snickered. “You love it!”

“Fuck off, Straw Hat-ya,” Law sighed.

At that, Luffy only laughed harder. “I love you, Torao.”

Law clicked his tongue, his fingers curling into the fabric of Luffy’s yukata. “Shut up.”

“No. I love you!” he sang, his voice shaking in amusement.

“Fine!” Law snapped. “I love you too. Happy?”

“Yep!” Straw Hat announced proudly and Law could just picture the impossibly bright, blinding smile that was undoubtedly plastered on his face. “Now I just need some of the meat Sanji was cooking before I left to chase you…”

Law groaned. And here he thought they were having a moment… “I take it back. I fucking hate you.”

“What?! But I was going to share with you!”

“I don’t want any,” Law said and despite himself, a smile pulled on his lips.

“But it looked so tasty,” Straw Hat whined.

With an amused huff, Law finally pulled away from Luffy, taking in the adorable pout that was adorning his lips. He didn’t resist the temptation to kiss it away.

But, even after they separated, the unhappy expression stayed in Luffy’s face and Law chuckled, shaking his head at the sight. “You can have the meat, I don’t care.”

Immediately, Luffy’s face split into that blinding grin that made Law fall in love in the first place and he cheered, grabbing Law’s hand to drag him back towards the festival. Law barely had the time to grab his hat off the ground before Luffy’s rubbery pull gave him no choice but to follow.

It was hours later—hours during which he was forced to literally wrestle a laughing Luffy away from the food stalls and their desperately crying owners, only to instead end up goaded into playing many of the available games with Luffy, the Straw Hats, his own crew, Kaido’s son, and Eustass of all people—that Law realised the weight he had been carrying around for days had lifted.

And he wasn’t tired anymore.

[nanjokei]

all your sycophants telling you to be meaner, nah youre just an asshole. did you like. even read the post in the first place. bc it doesnt look like you did?? i get that it makes you feel cool and good abt yourself to mock other ppls thinking-out-loud type posts but you basically telling them to shut up and keep their thoughts out of The Pure And Perfect Tag™ and then go on to say "oh im autistic ive never gotten the chance to rly speak up and be mean so this feels good" like..... thats so painfully hypocritical. you should KNOW how it feels to be told "shut up no one cares" so why are you doing it to someone else? so im telling you to shut up. youre annoying and no one cares and you shouldnt use other people as punching bags. asshole

did you get it out of your system. that's great. i don't really feel like giving a benefit of the doubt response anymore given after the first ask you decided to go ballistic like this... like, not even being sassy, i could have just responded "are you mad" and published it. but i am a neurotic person who will respond even if it's not in the way i initially set out to. just for you.

just for transparency, here's the first ask i got last night:

hi. i think you are projecting a lot of feelings onto me that i did not express and stretching my original statements. which in some sense, some may see as understandable! i was being less than gentleman-ly! i don't know if this is the op messaging after i blocked them or a friend coming in to give me a piece of their mind, it does not matter. this is something i was gonna say even in the first ask: had i been approached for an apology, i probably would have caved and apologized, because i'm weak to that kind of thing. at the very least even if i didn't agree, i would have wholeheartedly apologized for any distress or trouble. this isn't bull or me trying to flatter my way out of a situation. the response i got— which a friend ended up reading, to be honest i just blocked right away— was thoroughly strange, something something apologizing and being like "idk tumblr tag etiquette" and choosing to delete the original post. which i would not know how to respond to. i'm not some kind of tag police or god of tumblr or whatever, so why apologize to me or delete the post. i am writing this response under the assumption that it could be someone else, but a hit dog will holler, in this one sentence i will address OP directly: that response was strange. had i read it, i would have either ignored it still or apologized, i have no idea, but initial my response really was "but i have no power over this person or anyone". i did not ask for you to clean up your contribution to a tag or police it. i simply stated my opinion on my blog when prompted by a third party expressedly out of earshot of the op. is that a morally correct thing? proooobably not. but it is the internet. "why are you, the person who got hated on, continuing the cycle of hate" type bs might as well be a self fulfilling prophecy. if you feel this way, why send me asks about it at all if you're gonna go ape over me not responding immediately? does it mean so much to you? go ahead and block. i do not argue with people online. but i'll respond because clearly you want one. not gonna prostrate myself before anyone, and respond just as coldly as you are painting me out to be. this is my special fanservice to you, since you wanted to believe that about me so badly.

>pure and perfect tag

i do not check tags for a reason. i checked it one time. i guess this implication comes off of what i said so i'll say it out clearly but i genuinely could care less past the initial pang of cringe what is in there. had nonnie not continued to converse with me i would have moved on ans forgotten about it. i am not a police or a militia. it means nothing to me most days if a tag is "good". who the hell cares. you are obsessing over my existence, my opinion and the weight of such a thing a bit too much over here.

>shut up no one cares

neeeever said this, and no one has ever said this to me. the story i recounted about being called toxic was in the youtube comments and was 5 years ago. no one told me "no one cares". it just hurt my ego. anyway, if someone cared so much to send two asks about it, then thank you. i really won't shut up.

>never got the chance to speak up and be mean

ok.

>my sycophants

it was one nonnie. are you obsessed with me or something? i am like one random ass blogger on a dying website. i do not have an army or cult of personality. i am just one guy.

>end of the ask

heard you loud and clear. thanks for the feedback, not gonna reflect on it much though. it was an asshole move. does it make me an asshole? yup.

it was catty and petty of me. i knew that much from the very first ask i answered. but op wasn't tagged, i didn't send anyone to them either, so i can only really think "what were you doing on my blog anyway". because yes, this is a blogging site, not a pvp site, i didn't engage with anyone to start fights. didn't bring op's name into it, didn't actively mock them (the comment about them not being special was ad hominem though i admit to that much. sorry.)

you cannot expect everyone to be 100% nice and handle people with kiddie gloves in their own blog space when they are not bringing you into it especially given i did not direct anyone to anyone's post.

had it been me i would have just blocked and moved on. pwease no steppy and all that. whoever sent op an ask about it to make them respond is kind of a drama obsessed weirdo lol. like i'm just saying. causing both me and op a headache. it did not have to shake out like this. neither of us were gonna engage with each other and everyone could have gone to sleep without any icky feelings. honestly, from my point of view, both of you are strange. wow, i am barely hiding who i think is behind this ask. but it really is addressed very generally.

don't send me another ask! i will just publish them with no response. this situation was entirely avoidable and i lament that you decided to both waste my time and your own with all this. just block me like i asked!

[mamayan]

I need psychological help right now, how am I supposed to sleep?

There aren’t even tags and I can’t make this up, I just hit rock bottom of the Internet reading a one shot manga…

Help yourselves so I’m not alone but doubtful anyone will be able to go to bed or have an even semi-normal day after reading it: “On a nice spring day” by なまえれんらく

I just wanted material to write from a female yandere’s perspective… why am I so emotionally stripped rn? That manga should not be labeled as “smut” cuz it is literally so much worse. What do you even tag that nightmare to warn people? The art was so beautiful I tricked myself and read it, and now I gotta go throw up cuz I wasn’t ready for that kinda yandere…

I will lay down and go ahead and say I’ve found the line I will never cross.

Triggers/Spoilers for this manga… shit all of them? Likes it’s bad bad, they both are insinuated to die in the end… I have to spoil it to even warn properly. I wish it would’ve said major character death.

I had real flashbacks to when I watched Midori, or Chika Gentō Gekiga: Shōjo Tsubaki. It’s that kinda twisted.

… art is pretty…?

Anyway. Goodnight for now. Will prolly rewatch, idk, Inu x Boku SS to clear my senses. Just fucked me up in the wrong way I swear-

[humbleboar]

lord help me i'm back on my bullshit

disclaimer: all graphs should be taken w a grain of salt bc this was kind of a slipshod project. season one especially, since i didn't have my system quite down yet. it's possible some dialogue tags got in. it's possible some actions got in. it's possible other people's dialogue got in. it's possible i accidentally omitted instances of name calling. some episodes (looking at you, 21-23, 32) had so much going on that i wanted to cry. this was just a silly thing to answer the question: just how much does john say arthur's name? (the answer: john should maybe calm down a little)

so i got curious alright. i was writing and was like damn i think we are saying arthur's name waaaaaay too much here. turns out, nope, even if u think ur john is saying it too much, u can probably pepper in a few more and still be safe!

collected a bit of data on arthur and yellow's dynamic bc i wanted to see how it would compare to season 1 arthur/john. deeply funny to me that arthur (generally) says john's name more than he says yellow's and john isn't even there. yellow, despite his hostility towards arthur, follows in john's metaphorical footsteps of having no chill.

some notable peaks in john's use of "arthur": episode 4, where arthur makes an ill-informed decision, becomes shackled by the chains of social niceties, and gets stabbed for it. episode 26, where arthur goes off the rails. and episode 28, where arthur gets stabbed again and john spends the rest of it being a mother hen.

notable peaks in arthur's use of "john": episode 8, where he gets so incredibly pissed with john. episode 12, where he does quite a bit of pleading and appealing to john's humanity (aka his chosen name). episodes 23 and 24, where he tells yellow about their time in the pit, and his joy when getting john back. episode 28, where he gives john some epithets john really fucking hates.

this actually ended up being more interesting than i anticipated! i didn't realize that arthur uses john's name, like, a normal amount. maybe a bit more than people generally say each other's names in casual conversation, but it seemed most often he'd use john's name when he was concerned/trying to get his attention. it makes sense, since arthur has to (occasionally) consider the fact that other people around him are not (typically) aware john exists. the uptick in season 3 makes me laugh because. yeah. he misses him.

it's also interesting to note that john's use of arthur's name seems to be declining (seems to, because season 3 had some extenuating circumstances (read: he was not there for the first third, despite a few guest appearances), and season 4 is still in early stages, with an ep where he was excluded from the fun (for those that are curious, scratch/the whole dream sequence says "arthur" ~70x)). it's kind of a fun character quirk that he says arthur's name so much like dude who else do u think ur talking to!! but, also, supposedly saying someone's name a lot is flirtinggggggg--but i also feel like i've heard it's a way to get ppl to like you more and establish trust? idk.

anyway thx for clicking my readmore i doubt anyone but me finds this interesting lol