#idk if this actually counts as spoilers because it was in an official trailer like two months ago but

[gabbertrapmix]

oh in honor of the DLC releasing. this thing I drew when the initial gameplay trailer came out idk

[adecila]

Hi. Are you going to do the 2nd ep preview post? I would like to read your opinion.

Hi anon, thank you for being so patient. I watched the promo a bunch of times and I also saw the stills from the episode. Now, in case you avoid spoilers, I am not saying I have them, but I am not sure which information was confirmed by the show runners in interviews by now. I don’t count trailers, promo pics and still as spoilers. If the information comes from an interview, trailer or other official sources, it ain’t a spoiler. 

Moving on..

1. Jaime vs Dany ... 

I have seen some people are talking about Jaime’s trial in episode 2 but I was very confused. I was telling a few friends last night - nowhere have I seen it confirmed. I think someone speculated Jaime is on trial and the entire fandom ran with it. Happens a lot. No, we haven’t had any confirmation this is a trial. And I know people think this is the case because he is standing, you have armed guards behind him somewhere, you get a Dany table and a Jon table... well... no. I disagree. 

Is this meant to somehow parallel the Tyrion trial(s)? No... I don’t think so. Mind you, Jaime is not in chains. This to me looks a lot like a petitioner to the court would be received. You have the monarch (in this case the alliance - Dany in the middle, flanked by Jon and S.nsa), and then you have the rest of the court. Plus, it has been established the North side doesn’t like the Dany side, hence the two tables, hence they sit separately since the Northern Lords are like YoU cAn’T SiT WiTh Us. The guards would and should be there by default. Jaime is standing because he is addressing the Ruler. 

Keep in mind, the previous episode finished with Jaime arriving in incognito mode in WF. Maybe Bran calls the guards and Jaime is taken into the Great Hall to explain himself - not only is he arriving in non Lannister colours, he is also arriving by himself. He’s got some explaining to do, since last these people have met, he was to march to Winterfell with an army to aid in the fight against the Army of the dead. 

About Dany’s discourse - Dany and Jaime haven’t officially met. He tried killing her on the Field of Fire 2.0 and he almost got roasted by her baby Drogon (*pets* the best son ever). They also crossed paths in the Dragon Pit Summit (LMAO idk why I am calling it that; I guess it’s because fake truce or armistice is too much; oooooh let’s call it a parley). But they haven’t actually spoken. And Dany has some things to say to the man who killed her father. In my opinion (but who the fuck knows anymore since the writing is killing me and after episode 1 I have so little faith), Dany will have her Queen mask on, she is angry because quite frankly WHERE THE FUCK IS THE ARMY BITCH. Like ofc this means Cersei betrayed them, you don’t need a genius (*cough* S.. *cough*) to tell you that if he is travelling low key and alone. 

Dany needs closure. She will probably tell Jaime - listen, my brother told me all about you; because you killed my dad we had to flee; because you killed my dad we were poor and starving and on the run; the only thing that made us keep going was fantasising about all the ways we would kill you to avenge our father. I don’t blame them, tbh, it’s quite normal, considering what Viserys was feeding her. But! Dany knows now that Viserys was lying; that her father was a mad man. She knows this from Barristan Selmy. So I am REALLY hoping that heavy and meaningful speech that is making Jaime shit his pants (fo real look at his face lmao someone gif it pls) and Tyrion to look 10 years older is ending in something along the lines of “My daddy was cray cray; you did good; you can live; but try to kill me again and you die.” 

Why? Because it makes sense, and because we have seen Jaime fighting in the trailer, so we know he survives this meeting. 

On the other hands, the Starks also have beef with Jaime fookin Lannister - honestly get in line. 

Now... do I think Bran Starkashian the drama queen (present at the meeting) will drop the bomb that Jaime pushed him out the window? Hmmm... I cannot make up my mind. My issue is that if he does, then it’s gonna create more drama, and after episode 1 I think the writers can bring it up and just gloss over it (ugh remember how they dropped the Viserion is a wight news?). But, I also think that since Bran isn’t Bran anymore, then what does this matter to him? If this were still Bran, sure I could have seen a point in revealing it. They could also just do a Bran vs Jaime scene in which Jaime goes to apologise and Bran just says some trippy shit. 

2. S.ansa vs Dany in the Library (sitting in a tree K-I-.. neah we’re not there yet)

So, as it’s framed, I am guessing Sansa says something to Jaime, hence the look Dany has on her face at the table in the Great Hall - must be something surprising. Then I guess we get their private meeting over how y’all bitches should have never trusted Cersei. I guess S.ansa is at least directly talking to Dany not instead of, ya know, AT HER or ABOUT HER. We also have a still with a fake Dany smile, but I am hoping for some meaningful dialogue here. Dany and S.ansa have quite a lot in common so I really want some meaningful chat here so we can move the fuck on from the train wreck that was the episode 1 welcome. Will this be the episode the writers let S.ansa actually use her brain? We’ll see in 80-ish hours. 

3. Jorah x Varys x Tyrion and then some Sam and some Gilly stills 

I think this is either before or after a joint small council meeting. But since Dany is in her white outside coat again, then it must be after Tormund x Edd arrive. They look intense so maybe it’s more likely afterwards. Maybe something happens in that meeting. 

Also the stills of Jon x Arya and the one of Sam x Jon look from the same place. Sam’s intense look shows me that he might have some residual tension with Jon after that shit reveal. Jondry 5eva.  

The still of Sam x Gilly x Little Sam on the bed is so cuuuute. I hope this is post the crypt discussion with Jon and it’s when GIlly knocks some sense into it. Alternatively, it can be the night before the war for some more extra feels. 

4.  The Forge x Arya 

Guessing Arya is going to Gendry to pick up her new weapon and to deliver her Many Faces speech. Is she saying it to Gendry? I think so. Guess this is also where we gonna see sexy Gendry hehe *Gendrya intensifies*

5. And then it gets weird to me... two battle scenes? MAYBE? WHO THE HELL KNOWS ANYMORE

When I first saw the troops moving in the day, I said cool beans, so maybe preparations. But then I see a catapult going off during the day? And more stress? And more people moving. Tormund x Edd arrive during the day too. And we know they are technically behind the dead, since Last Hearth, where Ned Umber was supposed to be was already passed by the dead (since we got the message) so they can’t be arriving before the dead, can they? So how come they arrive and deliver a “they are coming message” and Jon asks how long do they have? How can they be moving faster than the dead? These aren’t slow zombies and Tormund x Edd don’t have a snowmobile laying around. Do they? 

But then you have night battle scenes or rather preparations: Missandei x Grey Worm kiss, Jorah with Heartsbane I hope (I hope this is Sam’s token of I have been a shitty boy to your Queen pls say sorry), Arya with a bow (I am so turned on btw), Jorah riding with the Dothraki, Tyrion on the battlements, Jon on the battlements, Lyanna Mormont in armour!!!! So something is happening as night too. Is this a continuation from the day prep? Is this something else entirely? Then why fire the catapult? Is it a test? Am I overanalysing? Certainly. 

What is sure though is that we won’t get a battle this episode, we will get the build up to it and everything in between. 

6. Jonerys in the crypts 

Ah again some actual leak info I have from when Friki was still allowed to talk (nothing new, just something he has already said), but I’d rather say in a different post. So this is clearly not following the Sam x Jon chat, since here Jon has his furs, and Dany is dressed again in her outside white fur coat. My bet is this is just before the battle, and Jon went to pay his respects to his dad (and mom?) one last time, because he is an emo sad boy. 

Is this about the reveal? Hmmm not so sure. It is very reminiscent of the Dragon Pit when Jon was sad he had fucked up with Cersei and Dany went to console him. Maybe this is post small council and Dany also goes to console him (she is wearing the white coat there). 

7. More small stuff from the stills that we didn’t get from the promo

Tyrion drinking in front of a fire - maybe he is with Bran, since he is also pictured close/next to a hearth. 

Sansa eating - she could be in the Great Hall. She looks quite relaxed so idk maybe this is in a more informal setting. Maybe it’s the same as the one with Tyrion. 

Bran in front of the Heart Tree during the day - I am hoping one more vision. Maybe this is before Tormund x Edd arrive? Or after? Is Bran trying to see the NK again? 

Gilly outside - maybe she is talking to Davos who seems to be in similar setting in a different still? 

I think I might have skipped some stuff, but feel free to ask :)

I have quite high hopes for this episode. I am hoping it will end the fucking drama once and for all and I am hoping they let Dany speak for herself more, since she was really toning it down in episode 1, in hopes of appeasing the North. But since that didn’t work, I am so fucking ready to see the Dany we know and love. The Queen we chose. 

[kyluxtrashpit]

Hello naughty children, it’s 1 am rant time

So! My brain is slightly more together now than after the trailer first dropped and I’ve had some time to process all my Feels. I’ve settled on cautiously hopeful, with a hint of apprehension and a strong dose of ‘oh my god, this is really the end’. But overall, I think I feel pretty good about it, though it really raises more questions than answers. They meant it when they said ‘teaser’ lmao

(Rant is mostly positive, includes explicit discussion of what we’ve learned from the panel and the trailer. Some reservations and negative thoughts, plus a lot of speculation and touching on such controversial subjects as Reysky, Kylo redemption, and Hux in TLJ. Cut for length because I have no idea how to just use fewer words lmao)

I especially liked that it was so focused on Rey and that it’s a very clear torch-passing. Which, tbh, probably should’ve happened before now and did a little bit, but this really felt like the true moment of it. She’s the hero. She’s going to be a legend. I love that. Also that flip? Holy fuck. Slammed in the face by the reminder of how gay I am lmao. I have some Thoughts about it I’ll get into below, but from a visual point of view, it’s RAD AS HELL. I also love Finn and Poe featuring heavily and that the trio really does seem to be together for most of the movie. Which is nice. I think we need that. JJ said something in the panel about it being an ‘adventure’ and I think that feeling was captured well in the trailer. That part really excites me

Also! My boy! Kylo’s looking like a right hot mess and tbh I’m here for it lmao. I still have a strong urge to bathe him and kinda hope he doesn’t look like a depressed wreck of a human being for the entire movie, but still. I love my big messy boy. Also him just yeeting that dude into the ground? DAMN. I sometimes forget that Kylo is like… b i g. It’s a nice reminder. I also LOVE that the broken helmet rumour was real. That’s my fucking boy. I frequently tag him as ‘my precious disaster boy’ for a reason and I’m glad to see more of that. I would honestly probably lose interest in Kylo completely if he was ever like, calm and composed and not a complete fucking mess lmao. I kind of wish we’d seen just a touch more of him, but I know there’s more info to come and I still like that it focused heavily on the heroes for the first one. I imagine we’ll see more of him later

I’m… not really sure what to think of the Palpatine reveal. If he’s going to show up as a cameo of some sort, say as a Force ghost or something, then that’s pretty dang cool. If he’s going to show up as a ‘hello naughty children, it’s Force lightning time’ and take over as the main threat, I’d admittedly be disappointed. As much as I think a Kylo redemption is likely (and whether people like that or not, I’m indifferent and have made my peace with it as long as it’s done in an okay way) in no small part because Disney likes money, I still feel like replacing him with Palpatine is just… it feels derivative. We’ve had Palpatine before. A lot. 6 movies of him plus his appearances in the side materials. Do we really need more?

Now, there’s been heavy suggestion that there is some unknown threat that comes into this one and if that’s Palpatine, it would match up with the rumours. But I’d much rather it be something from his legacy with him only having a cameo. Because the really terrifying part about Palpatine is he had a plan for the continued survival of the Empire even in the case of his death. The Aftermath novels are really well done that way and tbh, especially with Chuck Wendig’s hinting on twitter, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see something from there come up. I mean, technically the entire First Order is Palpatine’s legacy. Something from his legacy could truly be anything and I like that possibility a lot more than just ‘oh damn, time to kill this asshole again’. Idk. We’ll have to see how that plays out

The title is also curious because it really confirms one of 2 possibilities: either Reysky, Kylo redemption, or both. Which, again, both of those are huge spoilers, so it’s an interesting choice to play for a title. That said, we don’t know which, so it doesn’t tell us definitively, I suppose, but still. And no, I don’t buy the theories about it referring to Luke or Anakin somehow returning; that would be stupid. We have new characters for a reason and they need to be the central focus. This is the same reason I’m not fond of Palpatine being the big bad; let the new villains shine. I also don’t believe it’s Leia because I doubt they had enough left over footage of Carrie to make that work

Of course, I would’ve enjoyed having a nice 0.2 seconds of the back of Hux’s head lmao, or even any info on the dark side characters at all because I’m a filthy villain fucker, but I’m not super upset about it. I’m kinda sad that Phasma is confirmed as dead, but I also expected that. My biggest hope for Hux is really that he gets to be scary and not treated as a joke, so I hope JJ really leans in to that. Let him have his moment. Let him be a credible threat because, really, he is. Tbh, I’d be more afraid of him as my nemesis than the vast majority of Star Wars villains. He’s got a higher kill count than anyone in all of Star Wars except maybe Palpatine himself (exact number of deaths due to the Clone Wars, the Empire’s rule, and the rebellion combined are unknown, but are probably in the billions, which would put him and Hux, terrifyingly, on the same level). It still throws me for a loop how often that’s forgotten, both by fandom and, sometimes, the official material. Hux is what happens when ambition, intelligence, ruthlessness, and fervent belief in a cause converge. I know he’s going to fail and he’s going to die in this one but, fuck, please let him die as the Starkiller instead of a ‘miscast tinkerer’. He deserves that much and, more importantly, so do I lmao. And Domhnall does too, tbh, because he’s a great actor who deserves better than being sidelined completely

(Another reason not to like Palpatine coming back: basically guarantees Hux has no role and gets completely forgotten because there’s a new big bad in town. I might actually cry if that happens)

I also know we will get more on the villains later, so we’ll just have to see how that pans out. As for other new stuff, Naomi Ackie’s character looks rad as fuck and I love her already. I’m also ECSTATIC to see Lando back. I fucking love Lando. And he finally got the Falcon back! Tbh I hope his role is rather significant and it’s kinda in line with Han’s role in TFA. I’m excited by that possibility. Also the Leia scenes… fuck. That hug with Rey fucked me up hard. I can’t believe we’re doing this without Carrie and it breaks my heart tbh

Another curious note: so we see a tie fighter that looks like a modified Silencer flying at Rey. We also see Kylo in a cockpit that definitely does not match the Silencer’s from TLJ. So it’s possible that was not actually Kylo flying at her, which raises some interesting questions. I saw some people saying they could see Poe’s jacket in the window but I think they’re full of shit and just seeing something they want to lmao. It remains to be seen who is actually flying it. The context of that scene is also odd: in what fucking universe does it make sense to use a SPACE craft with GUNS capable of atmospheric flight to run someone ON FOOT over from like 3 feet off the ground? It doesn’t. That’s stupid. That does make me think it’s possible it’s some sort of really risky training exercise, no matter who is behind the controls. I suppose it is possible that perhaps the guns were disabled somehow and the pilot is just going for broke, but the ship looks undamaged and that strategy still doesn’t make a lot of sense. The correct thing to do would be to come from above and crash it into the person while ejecting moments before impact, not chasing them like you’re driving a car. It’s dumb. I really hope that’s not real combat because it makes no damn sense to me lmao. Another reason lending to the training exercise idea: if I were Rey, I would’ve gone below, not above. She’s small. A tie fighter hovers. She would’ve fit under it easily and been able to slash from below without having to jump into the damn sky. Though, counterpoint: she has her lightsaber ignited and is turning to slash at the cockpit. Not really a nice thing to do to an ally of yours helping you train, hm? Idk. The scene looks cool as fuck, but the more I think about it, the more it bugs me tbh lmao

As a last thing… it’s really hitting me that this is it. This is the end of the Skywalker saga. Even though I know they have other stories planned with new characters at some point, imo, this is really the end of the true part of the franchise. How much am I really going to care about Star Wars without the familiar faces? After decades… this is really it. That’s… very bittersweet. I have loved these movies, always, but especially so in recent years (as evidenced by the existence of this blog lmao) and they’ve been a big part of my life. Yet here we are. And I just… I’m feeling melancholy about that in and of itself, but I also really, really want this to be a satisfying ending. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but I want it to fit. I want it to feel right. I want closure and I want this ending to do justice to these characters, including the main ones, the side ones, and the ones who came before but aren’t featured in this trilogy. That’s really what I’m aching for here. And I am cautiously hopeful, but I am also nervous. This is a very tall order and, while JJ is probably the person best qualified to give that to us, it doesn’t change how much of a challenge that is. It’s a lot. And… I am definitely sad about this being the end. Even if I love the movie and it’s amazing and lives up to all of my dreams, it will still end and this will be it. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to feel when that actually comes and it kinda scares me a little. But a satisfying ending would help soften the blow, so we shall see. Idk. I’m sad and a little scared just because of that, all other reservations aside

I think that’s all I’ve got for now? I’m excited for more and I don’t know if we’ll get much over the rest of celebration, but there might be snippets. I’d still like to see the Knights of Ren too, given that we’re pretty sure they’re in the movie but like… where? Lmao I want to know. Anyway. This is mostly word vomit, so don’t take it too seriously. My predictions could be way off base and we won’t know for a while so yeah. If you read this far, congrats and thanks for reading my rambling!

[applegelstore]

My sis and I are through with the actual main plot of KH3, so I can officially go back to scheduled ToZ fangirling now. …Well, I promised Cray a bit of fix-it-fanart, so after that, I guess.

Hit the cut for a resume. It got super long and has endgame story spoilers, so you might not want to stumble upon it by accident.

Another extra big shoutout (again!) to @crazayrock for bearing my liveblogging on Discord, screaming without context and occasional spoilers. And linking me fluffy Soriku doujinshi. Here, have my favourite, spoiler-heavy excerpt of our conversation:

Okay anyway, let’s get started: GAMEPLAY

Kingdom Hearts 3 is BEAUTIFUL. The gameplay is so smooth and intuitive that you can immediately get to playing like you’d never done anything else; in fact so smooth that I doubt I will ever be able to pick up the first game ever again. It’s always been fun, but the looooooong years’ gap actually did wonders to the gameplay.

The keyblade form changes are fun and keep things fresh, you can do flashy triangle button shit every other minute, and shotlock is still insanely useful without being a game-breaker.

It seems easier than the first two main games, though?

The gummi ship is still a pain in the ass to steer, but I do enjoy the open world-like travel options (even if there’s not… much to discover except heartless lasering the shit out of you). I’m also eternally grateful that they kept the gummi ship thing from KH2 where you can just use a new gummi ship once you got the blueprint and don’t buy actual fucking legos as in the first game.

Thank you, Square. Not thanking you for the dumb cherry flan game, though.

The Caribbean being basically an open world stage was delightful! Apparently what our resident island kid needs is a big ship and tropical islands to plunder.

VISUALS AND STUFF

PRETTY LIGHTS EVERYWHERE

The long gap between the games also did wonders to the visuals.

There’s finally, FINALLY a few towns with actual NPCs you can talk to. Why it took the team so many years and the Gods know how many games is beyond me. The magic effects are beautiful, the animations smooth (honestly you can hardly tell apart cutscenes and fully rendered CGI scenes in this day and age of the PS4. I’m probably the only person still amazed by this because the only games I played on PS4 before were a few hours of Child of Light and of course Tales of Zestiria and Berseria. No, I still haven’t played FFXV but that’s a topic for another day). How far videogames have come.Even space finally looks like space, lol. Not really high-end what the PS4 can do I assume but god, it’s such an amazing and much needed upgrade from the terrible textureless colourful tubes you flew through before.

No excuse for the terrible battleship thingy before the Keyblade Graveyard, though. I got lost and beaten up so many times and crashed against more walls than I can count.

Nothing beats the World that Never Was, but the Keyblade Graveyard also has creepy cool potential, as does the beautiful but ghosted City in the Sky.

Still not getting what’s with JRPGs and very Definitely Final Dungeons (TM) that are basically space. …………or heaven. Or nothing. I’m getting the bad kind of original NGE TV series ending vibes. But. Okay.

The soundtrack is splendid

.……I miss Traverse Town and Radiant Garden, however.

Which brings us to:

THE WORLDS

I guess I can live with no more Final Fantasy characters being there (although I always loved that), and the meta jokes in Toy Story world really got me. Seeing Disney characters calling the KH villains call out on their shit was delightful. …the KH characters lampshading their own games’ sloppy dialogue writing was delightful.Still, those Disney worlds are always so much more in my head than what I actually get to play. This has been bugging me ever since the first game and it still does. I do not expect or want to replay the entire movies, but would it hurt to give the cutscenes some goddamn background music? Whenever there’s cutscenes, either the world’s usual BGM keeps playing or the music stops altogether. Together with the shortened dialogues and generally drastically shortened plots with odd cuts, that leads to scenes that are awkward at best. They never even remotely have the impact the movies had. You just sit there and think “oh wow that is so silly and awkward”.

Dancing scene in Corona? My favorite scene in Tangled. Zero impact on me without the lovely BGM (at least they made it a minigame so the moment isn’t over after 3 secs). Just for example. You can ask me like, world by world, but I can think of only exception off the top of my head and it’s not helping:

Let it Go of course. Listen guys, I actually love the song. But it’s so overused (and Frozen is an overrated movie at best that doesn’t deserve its hype in the slightest) that I can’t even really enjoy it being there. Like.


IF THAT’S OKAY WITH YOU,WHY DIDN’T YOU INCLUDE LITERALLY ANY OTHER ORIGINAL SONG FROM THE ORIGINAL MOVIES. Instead of BGM just not being there entirely, or in odd, cringey re-renderings that nobody wants to listen to (*cough* Atlantica *cough*).

Why torture me and not give me the one good scene from At World’s End (the up is down scene) when you had the chance?Kingdom Hearts is also prone to super lazy level design and wasting chances at wonderful scenery for no apparent reason other than I suppose empty cliffsides are quick to render. All games before did that, and KH3 is, sadly, no exception. We get to see a bit of Corona and Athens and they finally have NPCs, too, but you cannot even get near Arendelle. You cannot enter Elsa’s palace. You spend the entire time there climbing around in the snowy mountains of Norway, and unfortunately it looks less interesting than one would expect from the lovely concept art that the film unfortunately never used.You cannot enter Rapunzel’s tower although Sora can apparently parkour his way up even without her help.

………In short, the places you can go are, again, very limited, and a lot of interesting places and scenes you never get to see.

And to follow the plot you still only need the stuff that does NOT happen in those Disney worlds because they’re all beach filler episodes. It’s always been like that, but I keep wondering whether I’m the only one bothered by that. I’m also still salty they didn’t introduce a single new world from a 2D animated movie.

Also, as I said, I miss Traverse Town, it felt so warm and welcoming and beautiful.

And I get behind The World that Never Was missing although I loved it there, but why not give us back Radiant Garden? Destiny Islands since they’ve been restored? Disney Castle?

As much as I love the series, it never fucking lives up to its own potential. Idk whether it’s made more difficult by copyright issues or whatever, I just know that it bugs me.The first two games also had like twice as many worlds.

PLOT

I mean it’s never been deep; however, it’s complicated. No analysis or whatever from me because plot analysis and meta writing bore me like seven hells, just my emotional reaction: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 
Okay, bad news. I got into it expecting nothing, and still got disappointed. I don’t actually enjoy the prospect of writing essays about it, but here’s my tea with it; in not particular order:

1) the pacing is terrible. Nothing happens for like 30 hours and then suddenly like 20 characters’ arcs are (naturally poorly) resolved within the last few hours of cutscenes. Build up anyone? At least they actually did pick up Maleficent and the box thing again. …In the epilogue.

2) Speaking of build ups, Sora’s breakdown could have been developed nicely and steadily over the game to feel natural, and instead it’s hinted at in the beginning by everyone picking on him, but then it’s never further developed and comes out of fucking nowhere. Like. For real? It felt terribly OOC.

3) Why on earth have they shown 90% of the plot in the trailers already, and why are those scenes so massively disappointing in context

4) Kairi. Oh god, Kairi. What are we gonna do with you. I want to love her, I really do, but she’s a prime example of shittily written female leads. Mostly because she’s not leading. It’s not her fault. She’s just a fictional character. But honest to God, Nomura, why. Her screen time is almost nonexistent, and she’s entirely use- and helpless whenever she’s on screen (which isn’t often). Her ONLY point in the plot is being rescued because she is fucking useless. Why. Just why. Why waste her character like that. All we know is that she’s shoehorned into being the token love interest, but she has zero plot relevance and there is even less build up of her relationship with Sora. It’s all tell and NEVER show; and not even much telling, either. She has literally zero direct interaction with in the entire game before they share their paopu. The question remains: why are straights like this

5) On a related note: look, I don’t even ask for (or expect, or even hope) my ship to be canon. Squeenix doesn’t exactly have a rich history in queer representation. I’m totally fine with Sora and Riku being best friends. BUT. Building up Sora as the most important person in Riku’s life (and arguably, vice versa) over the course of several games, just to then hardly have them interact in the finale and then SUDDENLY bring back Kairi into the equation, who hasn’t interacted with him since the ending of KH2 (except for one unsent(?) letter) is just piss poor writing, period.I actually love Cray’s suggestion she gave me over Discord: let Sora, Kairi and Riku all share a paopu together (and let them group hug, too, you cowards). It would have been the perfect message to send (Sora as truly all-loving hero, and loving all your friends equally; romantic love isn’t more important than platonic love and doesn’t need to be singled out). Really sad that this isn’t what happens. Apparently that wouldn’t have been no homo enough.

LET THE DESTINY TRIO GROUP HUG YOU COWARDS


Do Riku and Kairi even interact once in the whole game?


HOW IS THIS A TRIO, IT’S JUST A SHITTILY WRITTEN LOVE TRIANGLE

6) Time travelling is a bitch, Christ. It doesn’t solve plotholes or can be played for drama, it just adds MORE plotholes. It just got WORSE. The cloning blues and people not aging doesn’t help, either.

7) Just so you know, I care absolutely zero for wild fan theories. You’re not Nomura. I want a statement from the man who wrote this shit himself why on bloody earth Sora dies when he apparently successfully found and brought back Kairi (and since nobody aged a day, apparently it didn’t even take that long lol). DUDES, THIS IS KINDA PART OF THE PLOT, AND YOU DON’T BOTHER TO EXPLAIN IT INGAME???? And how was Ienzo/Zexion able to revive Naminé while Kairi was still missing/dead/whatever…?

Okay so in short the writing is worse than ever and that’s saying something.

However, let’s try to find something good in this trainwreck; it wasn’t all bad. There’s some really nice scenes which sadly are better enjoyed without any context at all.

So, guess my favourite scenes.You had time enough, here’s the solution:

1) Purifying uhm er rescuing Aqua. Poor girl. She deserves the rest. Poor, poor Aqua. The only properly wirrten female in the whole damn franchise. Also the only person other than Riku who fucking gets shit done.

2) The Gayblade (TM)

3) Happy Axel in the reunion with his kids. Oh god, the poor chap deserves it so much. Thank you, Nomura. I don’t care that it makes pretty much no sense. Make him happy. Give him his friends back. Just give Axel all his friends and let him happily set things on fire. Hi I love Axel

4) The party at the beach cutscene before the credits roll. Axel and Xion get clothes. Half the organization is on our side now. I almost teared up at the Wayfinder trio saying goodbye to Eraqus’ forceghost. Hey come on he’s the voice of Luke Skywalker

5) Sully yeeting Vanitas

6) Woody calling out Xehanort that nobody loves him

7) Jack Sparrow bad breathing Luxord

I wish we had gotten:

1) justice for Kairi

2) a happy Zexion, the poor emo kid. Well maybe now he will be, with all the orga members who changed sides now, lol.

3) I will never trust mobile games ever again so I don’t want to play KHUX but I would have loved to learn about the Keyblade Wars :;))))


WHAT WAS THE KEYBLADE WAR ABOUT CAN WE SPEND MORE TIME IN THAT COOL CITY IN THE SKY WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH MIKLEO
I MEAN THAT EPHEMER KIDDO


WHAT’S WITH THE MASKED DUDES AND DUDETTES FROM THE MOVIE


WTF WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM AFTER THE MOVIE???? WHERE THOSE KEYBLADE USER NAMES ACTUAL MOBILE GAME PLAYER NAMES??? Next game? PLEASE?

I really, REALLY hope the epilogue means we will get Xiggy/Luxu as our new big bad and we learn more about the five dudes and dudettes from the movie. Please. PLEASE. I’m so up for it. Them finally pickung up the bit with Maleficent and the mysterious box again? Hell yeah.

The secret movie was really unexciting in comparison, although I laughed very hard at the “Verum Rex” scene in Toy Story world. Maybe that’s why it was much cheaper to unlock than in KH1 and KH2.

4) give Ven a drink

DLC ideas I would actually pay for because I’m a sad human being: 1) more Disney worlds 2) Japanese audio 3) at least one of the following as permanently playable characters: Riku, Kairi, Axel, Ven, Aqua. At least as a guest member as in KH2. THIS SUCH A BIG STEP BACKWARDS I’M FUMING

FINAL THOUGHTS

Kingdom Hearts 3 is a hella lot of fun, beautiful, and also moving when it sets its mind to it. Unfortunately it doesn’t always do so. I don’t feel like it wasn’t worth the wait; it was. However, I’m very salty how rotten the writing is. I do not mind logical fallacies, I do not mind the cheesiness and cringeyness; however, I do mind how so many interesting characters do not get the screentime they deserve, and Kairi is a very bad joke.

I’ll probably find more to nitpick about (Gods. Just. Don’t come up with dub excuses why Sora is lv 1 in each game. JUST LEAVE IT BE. You don’t explain why Donald and Goofy are lv 1 again, either. JUST. LEAVE. IT. BE. The sacrifice was dumb and not even moving, I’m just still furious that Kairi’s ONLY point in the plot is being so useless that it’s literally getting herself KILLED and she needs constant rescuing to the point that Sora has to sacrifice himself for her, effectively. Kairi deserves better, Sora deserves better, I deserve better than to think about this absurdity.…I’m just… gonna cherry-pick the good bits from the lore and try to pretend the finale didn’t exist, I guess. GODS.

[lightandwinged]

So more in-depth thoughts on Coco because I’m thinking more deeply about the entire experience.

The Damn Frozen Short

The whole experience starts out with (a) trailers for shit that my three-year-old thought looked Oscar-worthy (Peter Rabbit, what the fuck did they do to you? And why? Is nothing sacred?) but that had me looking like Chrissy Teigen:

and (b) assuming you survived that, a Frozen “short.” I’m putting “short” in quotes because it’s 22 minutes long and would have done much better as a Disney Channel special like the handful of Toy Story shorts they’ve released in the last couple of years (which are all honestly really good and deserve attention!). 

In fairness to this short, it’s not bad. If the mere word Frozen sends you into fits, you’ll hate it, but I’m neutral on the subject and it was fine. Would’ve been great on ABC or Disney Channel, but they put it in front of Coco to get more butts in the seats, and that’s theoretically fine...  but it was so long. So long. Kyle kept looking over at me like “...why is this still happening? Is there any reason for this to still be happening?”

And, of course, that reason is money. Like anything Frozen-related nowadays is just a shameless cash grab. Anna and Elsa and Kristoff have new Christmas outfits and you have to buy the outfits and the dolls with the outfits and the singing dolls with the outfits and the Christmas cottage with the singing dolls with the outfits, etc. But that said, the only really painful thing about it was the length. It could’ve been trimmed down to like. 7 minutes and been fine. Sigh.

(also, note to those working on Frozen 2: The Meltinating: please please please for the love of all things sacred stop animating and writing Anna and Elsa like they’re in love. They’re sisters, they’re close, but when you have them gazing adoringly into each other’s eyes and barely spending a scene without holding hands, it KIIIIIIIIND OF sends some creepy mixed signals, I AM JUST SAYING)

And then we’re talking about the making of Coco...?

They had a little 2 minute blurb after the Frozen short in which the producers of Coco came out and were like “WE MADE THIS AND WE LIKED IT” and it was like ...okay? It felt 100% like something that really just belonged on the DVD commentary, but I guess we’re doing that in the theater now, so...?

The Story

THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD.

I’m not going to go through the whole synopsis because you can find that on Wikipedia. Instead, I’m just going to bullet out what I liked, story-wise!

There was a really good reason for the family to hate music. Usually when there’s a plot about “the people hate music BUT I MUST DANCE” it’s for some stupid reason like ‘this character I loved was a big music fan but NOW SHE IS DEAD (it’s always a she, it’s the mom) so NO MUSIC EVER’ or some shit like that. No, with this one, the (ultimately proven incorrect) belief is that music caused the family patriarch to abandon his family, and of course, family is EVERYTHING here, so abandoning that family is a cardinal sin. Seeing Miguel playing the guitar and loving music so much was, to them, like seeing him shoot up for the first time, and their desire to keep him away from music was out of fear of losing him, not because they just... hate music. Which was nice! It worked!

So did the plot point for getting Miguel to the Land of the Dead. Like basically, the destroyed Physical Symbol Of My Forbidden Desire cliche is... really cliche. I’ve lost count of the number of films that have included that cliche and it’s just sort of like a throwaway thing, but in this film, it actually served to move the plot forward. Miguel’s desperation, coupled with his (ultimately proven incorrect) belief that he’s a descendant of his musical idol lead to him stealing the guitar from his idol’s grave after his own guitar is destroyed... which leads to him heading off to the Land of the Dead because he took something from the dead instead of giving something. The destroyed guitar was necessary because it gave him that last push to do something desperate that was entirely related to the guitar, and I love that about so many Pixar films... they lack red herrings. Everything that shows up at some point shows up again later. 

Like honestly, the whole story felt so very tight. You could tell that this was combed over by editor after editor, that they had meeting after meeting about this, that they drew pictures and storyboarded and really went to town on this. That doesn’t happen in a lot of movies lately. Like you can tell that they were decently written, that someone took out as many plot holes as they could or that they made sure that things flowed decently enough and things were well-paced. But you don’t usually see writing this tight. It felt like a final draft, like they were really proud of what they put out, and that was amazing.

I mean, nothing was just a throwaway joke or line. Everything came back. Early on, there’s a scene where Hector tries to sneak into the Land of the Living by posing as Frida Kahlo. About three scenes later, we actually meet Frida Kahlo, who gets Miguel’s advice on choreographing her big show (I have no idea if the actual Frida Kahlo would have done that entire number, but I liked that this Frida Kahlo did). And then later, Frida Kahlo is the one who sneaks Miguel and his family backstage at the big show so that they can steal Hector’s picture back from Ernesto de la Cruz and send Miguel back home. It would have been so easy for that to have just been a one-off joke, like “haha! Look Frida Kahlo! Someone even white people know about! Lol!” but it served a purpose and that’s both infuriating and wonderful (infuriating because HOW CAN I EDIT MY OWN WRITING TO BE THAT TIGHT UGHHHHH). 

The climax, of course, had the entire theater sobbing (I had to gently explain to Kyle, in my English major way, that the climax is the point at which Miguel sings “Remember Me” to Mama Coco and not anything else). Really, everyone was on the verge from around Hector’s flashback to singing that song with Coco straight through the end (if they weren’t already sobbing), but that particular point was just like OH GOD I AM DYING A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH OF EMOTION. Doug Walker made a really good point in his review about how that climactic song, “Remember Me,” is first shown as this HUGE bombastic number with trumpets and dancers and the works and, through the course of the film, gets smaller and smaller until it’s just a little boy crying as he plays it on a stolen guitar for his beloved Mama Coco. And my GOD does that work. 

Some parts did seem a little unnecessarily extended and some characters did seem extraneous (including, oddly enough, Miguel’s parents--they didn’t do anything except say “listen to your grandmother” and look vaguely concerned. At the same time, though, killing them wouldn’t have worked because then he’d have been too into chilling with them in the Land of the Dead to accomplish the plot? idk, I understand it was a depiction of a Big Mexican Family, but they all bled into each other and didn’t serve much purpose... at least on the living side. The dead side seemed a lot more fleshed out, which is hilarious because they’re skeletons). But it was like... not to the point where I was tapping my fingers and waiting for them to end (like the DAMN FROZEN SHORT), and they moved on well before they overstayed their welcome.

Yeah, now that I think of it, the only issue I had with this movie was that it felt overstuffed with characters that didn’t stand out much from each other. The main cast was fully fleshed out and everyone served a purpose, but once you moved away from them into the supporting roles, you just sort of were like “okay, that’s relative number 10″ or “that’s official number 6.” There was some really great voice talent behind a lot of those characters, but they faded into each other and probably could’ve been condensed. Still, though, that’s a nitpick. 

ART

Dude, this movie. 

Naturally, the visuals were stunning once you got to the Land of the Dead. As Miguel first crossed the bridge, Sammy just froze in his seat and looked at the screen and said, “Wowwwww” in this tiny, awed voice. It’s worth seeing this film in the theater for that scene alone, which evokes a similar awe to seeing The Lion King on the big screen or seeing Star Wars in a theater--it’s BIG and it’s GOOD. 

But even before that, I was gaping at the animation. There was one scene where the light was hitting Miguel’s head at a specific angle, and he didn’t look like a character animated on a screen--he looked like a stop-motion character on a set. He looked real, like you could actually touch him, not like he was pixels. And at the same time, the movie maintained a cartoonishness that kept it from descending into uncanny valley. It’s been a while since Pixar has been so on point with their animation that my jaw drops, but my jaw totally dropped there.

The skeletons were all so amazing, especially the way they managed to give them all distinct bodies despite them all being skeletons. What I really loved were the alebrijes, all the animal spirits that guided the dead on their journeys. Last year, when we stayed at Coronado Springs in Disney World, the gift shop had a collection of Oaxacan alebrije-type carvings that were just so gorgeous, and seeing that art style turned into something alive in the movie was absolutely stunning. I especially loved how, from a distance, the alebrijes looked carved or sculpted, but as they got closer, they took on more living characteristics--fur and feather and glowing eyes. They were just SO cool. 

I am not really artsy enough to dive into like... the nitty gritty of art commentary here, but holy shit, I can appreciate good art when I see it and this movie is art. I think the last Pixar movie that I thought, “Wow, this is really art” about was probably WALL-E or Up (which isn’t to say that there haven’t been real fantastic gems in Pixar movies since--Inside Out is particularly outstanding--but as cool as those visuals were, they didn’t have me scraping my jaw off the ground). Coco, though... man. 

Just... ART.

Overall, just ART. 

tl;dr - this movie was absolutely exquisite, from design to writing to emotional impact and everything in between. Go and see it. But bring tissues.