#idk if i got anything wrong abt my gender and/or sexuality but i guess that doesn't rlly matter like

[peppermintbutch]

Of course my gender crisis moment hits when I need to finish writing a fucking thesis TONIGHT

[heartachebf]

having an eensy weensy teeny tiny little sexuality crisis that i keep shoving to the back of my head bc i dont wanna think about it for more than a few seconds at a time ^-^

[transrightsjimin]

big question, is the q word something that most of the community avoids or is it just wrong for cishet people to use? I'm not cis and not het and I've always used the word to identify myself. similarly, i have many many lgbt friends and we all use it about ourselves/each other and also to title the community in general. it proves to be easier to say than a string of letters. i guess i just don't know if we're behind the times or is it just dependent on the person?

i rly can’t speak for what most of the community wants or doesnt bc that’s hard to measure. it’s in general just difficult to speak of one true global LGBT community, considering LGBT was never intended as a solid group with rigid identities, but moreso referring to a coalition of different marginalized groups that sought to fight for equal rights. the labels and discourses surrounding it only make sense in “western“ or colonial cisheteronormative societies in which a gender binary is the norm. i tend to use lgbt for ease, but i wanted to emphasize here that there is not one universal understanding of / equal amount of relevance across cultures to the term LGBT. i understand that ppl prefer a different word for personal use for reasons such as this.

that aside, i’m afraid the trend is heading towards the q slur being used as umbrella term, or on the other hand, to use a long acronym despite not all groups in additions unanimously agreeing with being included, nor being faced with similar degrees of stigma and violence. ive seen both of these trends start to show years ago on tumblr and by now it has reached outside it and it’s rly tiresome bc other perspectives aren’t considered as much, and it allows in people w power over others who reinforce prejudice and make spaces unsafe, e.g. with asexuals joining GSAs in the US and pushing for PDA being banned in the groups bc it makes them uncomfortable.

i’ve been told by some dutch people that the q slur somehow isn’t considered a slur to ppl here bc it got introduced through academia while gay was introduced here as insult. but idk what to think of that, considering i don’t like the loose use of the q slur in academia (to the point where it’s used to refer to inanimate objects and random shit) nd i have not been introduced to it this way but knew it as a slur first and foremost.

and of course the ppl i spoke to who like the term and use it so liberally didn’t consider other views when they only engaged w other ppl who id more as q***r. and i’m just kinda iffy w local groups w the word in the name anyway since my impression thus far has been that these groups pose having less common genders or sexualities (and often include things tht are not oppressed in the same way tht being lgbt is, and invite in cishets) in itself as a very radical thing, even more than different labels, and i just cringe at that bc it says nothing abt politics at this point.

if anything it’s downright insulting to call everyone the slur despite being asked for years and years by others to not to do it. i dont think you followed me for a long time bc otherwise it wouldn’t be so shocking to you to come across the criticism. people keep asking again and again to not call them the q slur, nor refer to a community as a whole this way. i know ppl on tumblr have 0 reading comprehension but i get really tired of people responding in defense, as if personally attacked, time and again, “should i not call myself this then?? are you saying i’m not valid??“ (i cant see the word valid anymore since like 7 years ago, but thats another topic).

and like no, people simply ask to not be called this by strangers or have whole communities be called a slur. you can reclaim words that might’ve been used against you, but that nor the fact that it’s been reclaimed by more people over the past few years doesn’t make it not a slur anymore suddenly.

like just say LGBT for others, if it deems relevant to the context, and stop referring to strangers or a community at large with a slur that’s used against people to this day.

[tvxcue]

hey idk if u hc sam as a trans woman or if that's another blog i'm following but i don't really have a big blog so i have selected you to be my holy mouthpiece so feel honored, i guess. there's not a lot of tma ppl in this fandom like that's just a fact it's mostly cis lesbians, transmascs, and tme nonbinary people or any combination of the aforementioned. and i think it's great to hc sam as a bunch of genders and sexualities but. this is the key thing. sam is originally a cis man in the show with female love interests. many trans people, specifically trans women, find it transphobic to hc a cis man as a trans woman bc, whether or not it is intended, assigns masculinity to trans women or implies that trans women are just feminine men. not that it's wrong for trans women to be masculine, it's just. i'm not wording this correctly. the same goes for genderbending, it implies female is the opposite of male and ignores all the other genders. i can't say whether or not this is a huge issue bc i'm tme but i want transfems to feel safe in this fandom

i'd like a response if that's alright with u. i know it's A Lot to respond to. again, i'm not sure if it was u or a mutual of yours but i've just seen a lot of trans girl sam posting and calling saileen lesbians in general. for the record, i don't think sam is cishet and i don't think its wrong for ppl to project hcs of their identities on characters but the amount of tme ppl i've seen do this to sam in particular just bothers me

im going to group your asks!

okay so i think i understand what you mean and i think this interview with jen richards (a trans actress) words what you’re trying to say about associating cis men with trans women and why that’s transmisogynistic. i agree that it’s problematic to associate cis men with trans women and there needs to be more awareness of the transphobia embedded in that, especially when people are headcanoning a character that is canonically a cis man and played by a man as a woman or a lesbian. from what i’ve seen, though, a lot of the people who do primarily headcanon sam as transfem/a lesbian are very much thinking of her as a trans woman/lesbian and don’t associate her with canon sam gender/sexuality wise. im also tme so im not really in a position to say if this is okay or not, but i don’t think they’re doing it in bad faith and i also think it’s important that we seriously discuss the harm these headcanons might be doing. it’s obviously not very possible to have a sam stan tumblr wide discussion, but if anyone wants to reply/reblog with a comment/anything else, please feel free to do so. 

i do think people need to be careful when discussing experiences that aren’t their own in order to be considerate to the people those experiences belong to, especially when you’re talking about an oppressed group and, like you pointed out, most of the people in the fandom are tme so when we talk abt trans women or transfem headcanons we need to understand that we are speaking as outsiders, even if we’re not cis.

i think in the last few months a lot of people in the spn fandom started to discuss gender in a very flexible way (which is also where you get the jender stuff and the “your [x] is gnc af” posts) and so that led to a lot of new interpretations of the characters, especially in regards to their genders and analyzing them through a lens that forced them outside of where they exist as cis in canon (like all the posts abt how gender troubles was required reading for spn).

i can’t speak for every sam stan but ik when i first got back into the fandom last year, the primary camps i saw for sam’s gender/sexuality were lesbian (usually in the context of samruby) or cishet and i, personally, as a lesbian sam stan, preferred lesbian sam hcs so that was the primary stuff i engaged with outside of what i posted. also the posts abt sam being all of the letters in lgbt really became a part of sam stans’ engagement with sam’s gender/sexuality, which led to more lesbian hcs and a lot of interpretations of trans as transfem.

and the lgbt all at once thing is part of the reason it happens with sam most often out of the spn characters, bc from my experience a lot of dean/cas (as individuals and a ship) stans view their being masc/men as an important part of their characters and relationship so trans headcanons tend to lean in that direction rather than transfem.

im genuinely not sure if it was me or not, my primary gender/sexuality headcanon for sam is nonbinary bisexual, but i’ve reblogged transfem and lesbian sam stuff and ik i’ve called sam my wife and stuff like that, so you might be right that it was me.

[mumpkins]

Private OC Rating

Done by @cho-rates​, I just decided to have the balls to make it public and answer questions! (as well as fix some things)

cho’s comments and questions will be in BOLD. 

My answers and fixed places will be in ITALIC!

Name: Shotaro Kaneda

Hero/Villain Name (if applicable): N/A

Age: 24 ( An aged up verse, he’s a couple years older than 1-A. Though sometimes I will portray his teen years as well, I have more information on his adult verse. I do want to flesh out teen years at some point though lol )

Birthday: September 5 (a virgo eww)

Gender: Male

Orientation: Bi-sexual

Height: 5'7"

Weight: 133 lbs

Hair: ear-length, fixed but slightly unruly, black

Appearance: Athletic agile build, Asian descent, brown eyes, red tinted hands and feet, small red horns on his forehead, long spiked / devilish red tail

Body: Athletic agile build

Quirk: Steam – Kaneda can build up and blow a hot steam that can potentially burn (or even melt depending on the force) his opponents. (Ahaha, the quirk fits the body appearance. I bet this one is going to be a hot head or really sweet)

Weakness: Building up and releasing too much steam at once can cause overexertion to the point where he can and will collapse and not be able to move for a while. Also his fucking ego. (LMFAO, I guess we’re dealing with the former and not the latter!)

Personality: Kaneda becomes the main symbol of defiance, expressing anarchy behavior towards authority and absolutely does not accept blatant disrespect. Kaneda values loyalty and becomes vengeful when trust is broken. He is impulsive, hot-headed, egotistical, and maintains a tough exterior; however, he is brave, independent, and highly empathetic. As a leader, Kaneda will look out for the safety and well-being of his allies, and will throw himself in front of a bullet for them if need be. (This!! I like that you didn’t make him a straight jerk and that you gave him good traits as well!)

Do they work well with others?: You are either with him or against him. By default he will work well if not negotiate unless you have a badge stating your authority.

Family: Parents deceased; family is his gang of brothers, all misfits and loyal to the bone

Friends (other oc’s or in BNHA universe): OC’s; his bike gang

Enemies(other oc’s or in BNHA universe): literally by default does not trust the cops or heroes (LOL)

Romantic Interests: by happenstance, Izuku Midoriya (LOL pt.2)

What do they think about heroes?: Oh shit oh fuck uhhhh

A couple of things about heroes. He sees the rise of fame being motivation for pro-heroes lately. They seem real fake to him, and it runs along the lines of Stain’s idea of “false heroes”. But he also sees them as a bunch of buzz kills when he’s trying to ride out and do his own thing that happens to be illegal. (LOL this guy is so problematic in a very headass type of way and it’s really entertaining. He’s a really fun character to read about.)

What do they think about villains?: They’re somewhat easier to work with, but he does not associate himself with hardcore villains either. As much as he himself could easily be considered one, he considers himself more in a grey area. He won’t kill a hero – actually he hesitates to kill anyone – but he won’t turn on a villain either if only because any of them could either arrest him or kill him. (Ah, he’s smarter than he lets on. I wonder how much of this is empathy and how much of this is him saving his own ass,,)

In terms of villains, he’s very much along the lines of “snitches get stitches”. At this point it doesn’t matter what his views are with a villain or a rival gang, he’s not gonna call the cops or any heroes as that is a lower blow than trying to either run or solve the issue on his own. He would rather risk his dignity than call the authorities. 

Is their first reaction to danger: flight or fright?

Depends on the danger. If he knows it’s an even match, he’ll throw fists. If he knows he has no chance, he’ll turn tail (heh) and run. (i’m actually laughing omg stop)

If they had to be stuck on an island with one BNHA character, who would it be and why?

don’t don’t ever give him the option (brO TELL ME)

Favorite holiday and why?

Halloween. As a child he always loved to dress up as his favorite hero. As an adult, he’s more attuned to the day before Halloween as “Mischief Day” and takes “tricks” to the extremes.

Do they have a certain way of dressing/ style?

His wardrobe is casual and lazy punk clothes. He does occasionally sport a bright red jacket with his gang’s logo on the back.

Pet peeves: Assuming his character for his looks (I mean you right but he hates it) (LMFAO I’m trying to give a serious review here and you hitting me with all this lolol)

Favorite food: shrimp tempura and rice

Favorite drink: Pepsi (ayyeee, pepsi > coke)

What is their favorite season/weather?: Summer

What is their sleep schedule like?: Whenever (mood)

Introvert, Extrovert or Ambivert?: Extrovert

Quickest way to upset them?: Pull his tail (I….I’m so tempted)

What type of student were they/are they?: Given that he only went to school so he didn’t have to do community service… he did the bare minimum, still got held back once (got mightily pissed off about it), and left as soon as he turned 18. Will also add that the school he went to was one step closer to juvie.

Superlative that fits them best (class clown, teachers pet, etc): Most Likely Will Be His Own Boss

A song you associate with them: Survival of the Fittest - Robert DeLong

What’s their diet like?: He will inhale anything in front of him, but he has a real fast metabolism

What’s the last thing they ate?: McDonald’s burger combo

Hobbies: riding his motorcycle and sometimes play video games

Guilty Pleasures: I mean. If you got the dokis for a hero and you’re a real anarchist……..

When and what was the last thing that made them cry?: laid in bed one night. like you do. thought about where his life was. wondered where it was going. you know just one of those fun nights. (this got too real too fast and i feel mildly attacked)

General Extras: In general, he is a real neutral guy that doesn’t play sides unless you’re on his specifically. He doesn’t take being talked down to and will even argue his side to keep himself above it all. Even raise fists. But he is impulsive as shit and does not always think his decision through. Definitely not book smart, but strongly street smart and highly confident in his actions. (I get that vibe from everything you’ve said, you summarized it really well and took the words out of my mouth!)

Do you plan on filling out a roleplay form(No pressure if you don’t want to do it, this is more for me so I can keep your forms together if you send in both): nah I’m just curious about this one

Creator Name (that’s you!): Mumzy

Blog name where I can contact you: mumpkins

Did you have fun doing this?! (pls just say yes so my feelings don’t get hurt): I REALLY DID and eventually there came a point where I was literally like “well shit he’s kind of a dumb bastard what else is there”

PLEASE JUST SEND THE ANSWERS DIRECTLY TO ME I DON’T NEED THIS POSTED 8’D

I’ll post it private and send you the link!

*deep inhales* BOI. Shotaro is such an unintentional meme?? Like big crackhead vibes from him like…he’s really just a lil misfit goin around and doing as he pleases,, so much angst in this one like??? (i hope you dont take any offence to this,, i just really like his character lol) he seems pretty factious to me LOL. I like his quirk, simple and easy and his weakness is plausible, no OP oc’s here! His personality really shined through and you portrayed him well. That little paragraph you wrote summarizing him was a really solid description and would be perfect for a character sheet. The only inconsistencies were, at the top you put his age as 17 but in the “what type of student were they” you mentioned him turning 18 but otherwise he is a really solid character! I’m 20 something so I can’t crush on anyone younger than 20 but he’s really… *deep breath* …moving on. I love his personality and the fact that he’s this punk but in reality he’s an impartial dude who is chill unless something offends him or opposes him but he is also very loyal and empathetic, two qualities that I love!

Idk if you wanted questions since this is a private rating but i’ll put some either way and u can choose to fill em out or nah,, i mainly do it to help develop character and its just fun to talk abt oc’s sooo,,

What job do you see him having in the future? He’s not really here no there so i’m interested!

After he drops out of high school, he flat out does not know what to do. As he is familiar with criminal work, he stays to what he knows with his bike gang... and incidentally gets picked up by mob members. He begins as an errand boy for one organized group, but never is he ever initiated as a member. After having been exposed by a variety of assignments from various villains, by the age of 20 he’s doing all kinds of illegal work. He becomes a man for hire in the undergrounds, helping with drug trafficking, enforcement, body guarding, petty thieving, etc. You name it, he’s probably done it.

But that’s only in the dark. To keep himself balanced, he’s also a bar back for a local bar in the sketchy side of town. An honest job when he meets people and can tell them what he does for work without putting off any red flags.

A couple of reasons why he does shady work is not due to enjoyment. Actually, he wishes he never got involved as everyday feels like he’s at risk of getting killed for angering the wrong person. He doesn’t plan ahead of his life only because he could step outside one morning and breathe his last breath. For one thing, his best friend who grew up with him and is part of his gang is in rehab at this point and Kaneda is the only person who he can turn to for help -- by this, Kaneda opts to pay those hospital bills with the quick and astounding amount of money he receives from criminal work. Another reason is plain and simple: once he has done work for one organized criminal group, once his name is spread around the underground as a reliable hire, there’s no way of suddenly dropping that life without risking it all.

Is there anything in particular he does to relax?? Tv, music, hobbies, etc,

The best way he can relax is riding his motorcycle in the late hours of the night. He loves the city, and will speed through until he finds open road where he will just continue to ride until he feels calm again.

If he’s especially frustrated and the steam has built up in his lungs, he will hold it in until he finds a safe spot (preferably home) to release it all and collapse for a while. Yes, his apartment would be a sauna if he doesn’t open his windows.

Sex also helps.

Is he a pessimist or optimist? He’s very unbiased it seems so I wonder what his personal mindset is,,

More of an optimist, but in a way where he prefers to mask sorrow and tension with humor and a lighter perspective. He can’t afford to not be confident, and he tries his damndest to pass that on given the circumstances. “This will work” he would say to an idea he briefly thought of, mostly trusting his gut and hoping that if he passes on the mindset and convinces others of his confidence, then yes in some way things will work out.

But I also say that he’s not very optimistic of his own future (sorry to bring this back). He lives for the moment, but given the life he lives, he does not trust it will be a long one. 

So it’s hard to explain, but he’d more say, “nothing matters in the end; do whatever the hell you want now”.

[elvesofnoldor]

im losing my entire fucking mind and i dont know anything abt myself anymore and why? why? all cause one day in undergrad, out of nowhere, i went “hey am i a woman?” like i was asking myself what flavour of cheesecake i wanted for dessert. That was like, right after i felt comfortable with the fact that im a lesbian. And the answer should have been simple and short: “yeah duh you dumb fucking bitch, why did you ask? why do you think asking this is fucking productive? forget about it!” But no, i decided to engage with the question and it opened a fucking pandora’s box, and this question latched onto me like a fucking parasite, because this question allows me to think about another crucial question im always afraid to ask myself: am i truly attracted to men? With lesbianism, i can answer this question with ease by saying, no, these flimsy “crushes” i have on like two or three boys when i was a child/teen were result of compulsory heterosexuality, boom, that’s it. simple! not to mention, i know that lesbians can experience attraction to men in the past and even had past relationship with men and still be lesbians, sometimes sexuality isn’t solid as a brick, and none of that should have mattered! 

 so yeah, lesbianism is the answer i LIKE, yet part of me is not satisfied with this answer! of course! why not! since when am i ever satisfied with anything EVER?  over time, i started to want a “man’s body” when i see a cis dude with bare chest in picture, and it seems like i started to identify more and more with...masculinity and manhood...in general? even fictional men? at times? i dont fucking know! its a huge mess! and confusing! and my memories are all blurry and false and twisted by my current perception. sure i think i always kind of aspire to “androgynous looks”, but i like being a lesbian! At first, i was like, maybe im a non binary lesbian cause oh baby i know im not bisexual-- i dont want to be with men, but i want to be with women and that’s a certainty. And i know i had one real crush in life--sure it brought me nothing but misery but i know i had one true crush and it was a girl, a friend, from my high school-- whereas my possible feelings abt real boys or fictional men are very flimsy in comparison. still, part of me started to think that perhaps i can only process these feelings i might have for other men/boys in the past if i can...idk see myself as another man? i dont fucking know! Literally, it’s the most unproductive thing to think about! More importantly, i did not fall in love with any real man nor do i want to fall in love with any man! but i still kept questioning myself about this, cause i kept having these strong feelings abt,  FICTIONAL MALE CHARACTERS. And idk, part of me was like, “maybe you’d be comfortable with your attraction to men if you...are a man?”, and yeah i actually engage with this line of fucking thinking. its so fucking embarrassing that MEN THAT ARE NOT REAL can have such ridiculous heavy impact on me, it’s fucking ridiculous and i hate it!!! Every time i started to get invested in some stupid story that doesn’t matter cause it’s a fucking fictional story, there is like, this ONE MAN, one fucking bitch, that i felt very strongly about and it didn’t feel entirely platonic. i knew i was not straight since a teen and it took me FOREVER to even seriously consider that im a lesbian even though i dread the thought of being with men for the longest time, precisely because i keep having these weird strong feelings about fictional men every once a while!!!! 

makes no mistake i explored more rational options. during this time i made a rant abt it on here--i didnt want to! i tried not to make personal posts cause i dont want to bother strangers! but idk i guess my attention seeking whore ass just have to put my personal feelings out there eventually or i will die? anyways, a very nice mutual talked to me abt it, he was a trans man and as it turns out we shared a lot of similar experiences in regards to gender, and you’d think--hey maybe that helped? but no it fucking didn’t. it was nobody’s fault but it didn’t help, cause i clung on my womanhood for no apparent productive reason. i was still confused and, well, like a normal person i was like, let’s have human interaction! let’s actually explore my attraction to women! you don’t want to be with men so forget about them! forget what you might feel abt them! explore what you KNOW! explore certainty! so i did and ofc it ended up in shit, cause a girl who has a girlfriend (it was a closed relationship btw) asked me if i wanted to “hang out” on a dating app for wlws called HER and i genuinely thought it was a date? didnt know she has a girlfriend until AFTER we met. i wasn’t actually even surprised that she didn’t actually want to date me, because im ugly! im not attractive! im not even attracted to myself lol! plus she was very nice and cool and i was just happy that i made a friend with a fellow lesbian. but after that, i lost motivation to use that dating app, because one minor set-up and failure is all it takes for me to give up, its always like that with me. because im weak and pathetic, its always been like this. 

yeah at one point i basically said im non binary on my bio, but  i rather tell ppl im a lesbian and be done with it since im not entirely sure abt being non binary. Also, I know that non gender-conforming lesbians are everywhere, cis lesbians who are uncomfortable with gender identity exist! butches exist! they are here and they deal with it and they find community. but i don’t identify with...being butch? it was very nice to see gender non conforming, tom-boyish or butchy women out there, they  gave me hope, they are my heroes but i just dont feel like...they are me? i dont feel like feminine women either, im attracted to feminine women but i dont identify with their look and their femininity. like i said, this is a huge fucking mess. 

And now i have finally fucking done it, huh, dorian fucking p*vus, a gay male character. The clownery of it all! how the fuck, do i explain to ANYONE that i, a lesbian, have feeling that isn’t entirely platonic about a fictional gay man? yeah thats right thats why i romance him! i lied! ok! i fucking lied, it was cause i want to fuck him! ok! yeah, i know, ridiculous. i feel like im disrespecting him, that im , idk, fetishizing him, but i am not! i can’t be! i love him so much it hurts? it shouldnt be like that. i really shouldn’t. i cant make sense of this, its driving me nuts. still, this whole ordeal eventually got me thinking abt my gender, yet again, and it pushed me over the edge and i even told my dad that i want to transition this summer, that i am a man because i thought maybe i’d be much happier and less repressed if i can just accept that i like men-- if i can explore this possibility. i know i will NEVER accept liking man as a woman, and i know i already kinda have some sort of identification with manhood and masculinity, so why not! i was coming up with solutions! but i didnt even fall in love with a real man, and i was considering this serious level of transition in my life that requires time, money, and the process concerns health risk??? for what??? i was looking up all these info about transition, for WHAT? i gotta be out of my fucking mind! the most ridiculous thing is that while i always like a number of female characters, i would never feel as strongly about any of them in particular as i would, for that one fucking man. Even merrill, like, i love her and i genuinely feel like i want to be with a girl like her int he future but i dont feel as strongly about her as i would for dorian, for some, fucking, reason. 

i headcanon the lavellan i used to romance dorian as a trans man, cause i was thinking, perhaps this would put things into perspective. and yeah, i wanna fuck dorian, but also i want to envision what my future CAN be using my lavellan as a proxy. things were simpler with my lavellan. he was handsome and had no body image issue, he was fit, transition was easy for him cause magic and he virtually spent no money on it, he was passing, his family and community fully supported him, he had a lovely girlfriend before he knew he was trans. sure, he has problems and issues to deal with but none are the ones i gotta deal with. he is not me, but he has what i wanted and what i wish i had: beauty, confidence, a girlfriend, easy FTM transition, and he is a man so he’s legally allowed to fuck dorian. but i did not transition, and im still a cis woman with long hair, and ppl looks at me and they probably still thinks im straight, im not straight but i AM a ugly cis woman and i dont think transition’d help cause i might just become a even uglier man lol. And if i dont become a beautiful, stunning man, then i dont want to become a man at all cause if things dont turn out perfectly for me, i dont want to do them and its always like that for me and its why im a fucking failure on everything right now. so many trans people are not passing, but they deal with it, not me tho! i can’t, cause im a pathetic baby!!!  i cant deal with any minor inconvenience in my fucking life i guess!!!! And i cant help but to feel weird about having a trans man as one of my ocs. maybe i should make him cis instead? im so exhausted,  i cant help but to feel that my trans mutuals want to just pull the trigger on me and unfollow me cause you all are silently judging me for having a trans oc when im still technically, cis. well judge me in my fucking face you fucking cowardly fucks! Am i cis? well idk, probably, maybe im just a hysterical crazy bitch of a cisgender^tm woman who is constantly uncomfortable with her gender, maybe thats all there is. who knows, all i know is that im burnt out, that i don’t know anything anymore and it was all a huge fucking mess that things dont matter. this is causing me nothing but pain and confusion and i dont want to be wrong myself. ftm transition is not, “oh geez lets just explore a option” kind of deal, its kinda fucking serious  and its stressing me out. i dont know what i want, who i am, anything and i can’t afford to be wrong so i dont know!!!!! i just dont know!!!!!!!! i talked abt with a therapist actually but all therapist do is to LIE lie AND LIE and tell me things i already know, “you need to be careful with about transitioning! it’s a big decision” who pays you to say this garbage to me? “you are capable and beautiful and you can do this! believe in yourself!” as if ppl saying this shit is enough???? as if i still need to go see a fucking therapist if i am magically ok after i talk to somebody and they tell me lies that sound validating????i know they dont believe in what they said anyways. “you are ok! you are fine, you have no problem” BITCH I WISH I AM OK, BUT AM I OK? IM FUCKING NOT AND YOU ARE $60 RICHER THAN AN YOU ARE AN HOUR AGO! FUK YOU! LIES LIES LIES!!!!! men lie too, i put on some bad eyeliner and some random creepy dude came and told me im beautiful! beautiful my ass! im fucking ugly and i know it, you really think im fucking stupid you fuck? am i just being a special snowflake? are the things that i know for certainty actually certainty??? nothing about me feels real anymore, and maybe im just being dramatic but  my self perception is non existent and i feel like im just lying to myself even though i thought i was being truthful and ppl keep telling me lies and nothing helps. im living on lies and it is festering 

[aunclesquishy]

I try not to vent on my blog so much nowadays but I feel like I need to put these thoughts somewhere altho this gets rly long and rambly

sometimes I feel like I let my Hyperfixations™️ become my Personality™️, which sucks bc like—and this next bit is gonna come out wrong bc I’ve retyped it several times—

I became obsessed w sex and my sexuality etc after getting The Talk bc I was so goddamn terrified and confused that I couldn’t stop thinking abt it (which I looking back I think is attributed to my ocd etc), and I spent my adolescence doing research etc in a ‘know thy enemy’ kinda way

and then once I more or less figured out my asexuality I still obsessed over it bc I was so relieved (and arguably still do but out of a mix of pride and insecurity), same goes for my previously crippling fear of intimacy—id been so averse to it basically forever (idk why), and simultaneously (tho unrelated) struggled w self-esteem/anxiety/depression, and once I overcame p much the biggest fear I had ever had, my confidence shot up and I guess I’ve been riding that high ever since (and I’m going back and forth between ‘yeah I did it I’m amazing’ and ‘jeez chill out it’s nbd’)

not to mention I got rly into Discourse™️ and that fucked up my sense of Idenity/Pride and ever since I’ve been trying to overcompensate and that’s why I always feel weird abt going to pride, at least beforehand, bc I feel like it’s just one more way for me to like... perform queerness? like ‘ofc I’m #queer, look at me, I go to pride, I’m on tumblr, I have The Look™️’ and now it’s hard to tell to tell what comes from pride and what comes from insecurity

and the unnerving thing is once I started taking Zoloft for intrusive thoughts of death etc, the thoughts abt sex etc went down too, so that... says smth, I think (like it was def intrusive thoughts as a teen so I was surprised it’d go down w meds even after I got over the fear)

and tumblr is basically pride month every month so it’s hard to be like ‘k break time’

plus also as I’ve been trying to improve my Spanish, working in a mostly Hispanic community w mostly Hispanic coworkers, plus like idk, being out in the world and being aware of shit? and having grown up p sheltered in a mostly white/liberal (~I don’t see color~ vibes) environment in the 90s/00s (or maybe it’s just bc I was a kid/teen) it’s weird how different things are and how... aware of everything u have to b? (and I know this sounds like ‘u can’t say anything anymore w/out offending someone’ but it’s not quite what I mean...? Like I mentioned before, this is gonna poorly-worded) I’m not saying things were better before, just that overall at least growing up p privileged things were more... neutral? (again, I was a p sheltered kid so I was also just plain unaware) (this is v hard to explain and this post is hella long so whatevs)

I feel like every time I’m like ‘hey let’s get tacos’ or reblog a queer meme or reblog smth abt social justice anything that it comes from a place of ‘HEY DID YOU FORGET IM QUEER AND MEXICAN? CAUSE I AM, LOOK HOW QUEER AND MEXICAN I AM IN CASE YOU FORGOT BC THATS ME, IS THAT NOT OBVIOUS, THATS ALL THERE IS TO ME’

and I think it somewhat stems from adhd hyperfocus and ocd obsession and whatever the fuck else and abt other ppl but it rly annoys me

then again I’m not super abt my gender/sexuality to most ppl but boy howdy will I jump at the chance to talk abt it bc I love talking abt myself (which is also why if I’m not careful I’ll use my friends as therapists)

on top of that add how easy/comfortable it is for me to sink into like, making myself a victim and/or craving validation, so it makes sense that I would post smth like this for validity points

TLDR: I’m a big coward and def overthinking this and I need to get over myself bc I’m rly annoying myself

[zairehyun-blog]

can you do all of the ask things? 🙈

OH GOD 

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

mic drop - btstraining wheels - melanie martinez drive - halseydo i wanna know - arctic monkeysnicotine - panic! at the disco ready for it - taylor swift 

bonus: forever - exo, earned it - the weeknd, & cherry bomb - nct 127

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

fhgjfkjhgf maybe my mom

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

answered

4: What do you think about most?

answered

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

from my twin and it says “I FUCKING SWEAR SQUISHY YAWNED”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

ok it depends here. it depends on how cold it is and if my boyfriend is willing to share his shirt but normally no

7: What’s your strangest talent?

i’m like really flexible for no reason??? 

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

answered 

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

i’ve had my sister’s stalker write a poem abt me akfjdhskl 

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

answered

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

no lol 

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Wh- who does that-

13: What’s your religion?

answered

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

trying to go back inside no but probably taking pictures of the sky to show my dad lmao

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

answered

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

fdhsfjk between exo or bts

17: What was the last lie you told?

i told my dads that my sister was the one who broke a lamp ASFJSD

18: Do you believe in karma?

answered

19: What does your URL mean?

answered

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

i talk abt my twin a lot but, being away from her literally drains me of my energy, and i’m not sure abt my greatest strength lmao

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

this mAN

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

answered

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write it down or i tell someone im really close too

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

of very long sweaters lol

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

it depends,,, im a really talkative person so i guess both

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Kinda, I’m still learning who I am, so I can’t answer this yet. 

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

answered

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

answered

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

tHIS HOUSE IS FUCKiNg haunted no one tell me otherwise and, i do because how can we be the only species in the entire galaxy?? it doesn’t make sense

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

I touch my boyfriend and he looked at me like “what the fuck are you doing” asghsjf i also touched a pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

answered (still cologne) 

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

fcuckIng school

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

I love both :(((

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

fdhjfkdfh i don’t know lmao

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

mansae - matthew 2k17

36: Define Art.

the way he looks at me

37: Do you believe in luck?

Yeah

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Perfect tbqh

39: What time is it?

8:40 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes and no

41: What was the last book you read?

Alice in wonderland

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

ADJFHSDjfk i don’t like it but i also don’t hate it

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Zaza, Z & then my korean name (which I won’t state.)

44: What was the last film you saw?

“IT”

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I broke my pinky and now it can bend in weird ways

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

YeS GHJDSKF

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

I’ve been getting into more animes and I’m getting back into cosplay lmao

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

answered

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

answered

50: Do you believe in magic?

yes i am a magical little bean

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

it depends on how wrong the thing they did was lmao

52: What is your astrological sign?

Pisces

53: Do you save money or spend it?

I save it and then I spend it on other people HAHA

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

i bought myself a promise ring (for smth personal agfhkjsf)

55: Love or lust?

love

56: In a relationship?

to my lovely baby (’:

57: How many relationships have you had?

2 but if you count this one then 3

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

no

59: Where were you yesterday?

at school & i went out to dinner C:

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yes 

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

no

62: What’s your favourite animal?

🦄

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

tbh my hair or my charm lmAo

64: Where is your best friend?

She’s in Seoul >:c

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

answered

66: What is your heritage?

Korean, Japanese & Arabian

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

eating

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Satan is his last name his first name is Lucifer

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

answered

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Yes, honestly. That’s what I aspired to be, to be what my younger self needed.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

ILL SAVE THAT FUCKING DOG LIKE IM ABOUT TO DIE FUCK MY JOB. IM NOT LETTING A DOG DIE

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I’m not sure if I answer all of these so I will

A, I would but I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t want anyone hurt but I know that they would be hurt even more if I didn’t say anything so ??? 

B, I would spend it with people I love 

C, Yes. 

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

ASFJHDS love.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

DIAMOND BY EXO AKSFDSJK

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

answered

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

trust & communication

77: How can I win your heart?

^^

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

We’re all a little mad.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

saying i love you

80: What size shoes do you wear?

11

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“we’ll love again we’ll laugh again and it’s better off this way”

82: What is your favourite word?

adventure idk why

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

well i think of andi but i also think abt him.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“FATHER SUE HIM/HER/THEM”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

mic drop

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

pastel colours & black and purple

87: What is your current desktop picture?

my twin, her fiance, my nephew, my boyfriend, my parents & myself lol

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

my sister’s stalker

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

I’m not sure lmao

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

I’d would be like “how thE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE, and u can stay if u want just don’t be a dick.” then i’d let them stay and i’d be the real mummy of the groUP IM SORRY

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

FLYING/TELEPORTATION

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

When I said i love you

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

what she did to me that night akfjhgjfdks

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

,,,baekhyun,,,,

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

BACK TO OSAKA TO SEE MY FAMILY 

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

my uncle

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

no

98: Ever been on a plane?

yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

answered but that i still love my boyfriend 🌷

[quadratic-shipping]

Kay, new icon is Vriska’s dice cause the gradient was lame, and every Vriska blog halfway to sunday has already had every photo of her face as their icon twice. It also works cause of yknow liking dnd and stuff. one thing I really liked about my last vriska pic one was the negative space made it feel like it popped and I feel like this one has sort of the same thing going for it. Wow, it can be that deep. I’m just rambling cause it’s 3am and yet again I have stayed up this long. I can;t wait til it’s winter again so I can force myself back into a normal sleep schedule. I stayed up all night a couple nights ago, and that gave me one decent night of sleep so I might just try that again tonight. Rest put under the readmore because it’s irrelevant and sleep deprived rambling I wouldn’t dare subject my beautiful followers and browsers to.

While I’m here, posting a late night thing no one will see or interact with; thank god; I was cleaning and I came across one of those neck warmer things that legit just a tube you pull up your face to keep your nose from freezing off because Canada Winters, I never can use them because I always fog up my glasses, and I just wanted to say that Niqabi gals with glasses are so brave? Legit if I had to deal with my glasses fogging up I’d die, I’d rather lose my nose to frostbite than fog them up (like I go outside enough loll) so for them to deal with that everyday is like, legendary. I mean, I guess if you were pretty antisocial you wouldn’t have to deal with it much but still, point totally stands. 

While we’re on the positivity train? Lesbians? y’all really like Vriska HUH? Thank you for interacting, I appreciate, yall are so valid. I’m torn between “You have good taste” jokes and “Yall will just like anything w/ vriska in it” and either way it takes too strong a stance on my own content to feel good about it. Obvs goes the same way for all the NB and Trans ppl interacting, yall are also Excellent and I appreciate yall. Obvs I’m cis so I don’t have any real godtier takes or anything abt. gender, but reading your guyss stuff is excellent please keep making it.

Uh sexuality update; Still labelling as bi, IDK if I really want to date men tho, before I actually and FINALLY get a taste of the other side; please; because I feel like the problem with my relationships re; dudes is just that I can’t just be myself, I’m just 900000% in my own head about it and not even like; trying to be idealized, idk whats going on I just have a hard time connecting w/ them and it’s defo my fault so idk bro. IDK it’s fun to have crushes but dating is BORING from my very limited experience with only guys which is why a gf would be excellent. Or girl aligned partner. I feel like maybe what I’m attracted to is like, femininity, not necessarily femmes or women. IDK bruh it’s weird. doesn’t help I can’t even figure out how to get and keep friends LOLLL it’s 3am. Sorry

Honestly before I started vrisrose posting I felt so useless yknow cause in the vriska circles there are a lot of intelligent people who understand canon better and are overall smarter and better spoken so I just felt like everything I had to say was just old hat and not very interesting. But the thing I like about VrisRose is no one else is talking about it as frequently ( I was searching the tag and my blog came up in the recco’s for blogs up top and I was very happy) so I feel like, hey, this is my niche. That one engineer of useless inventions quote: The best way to become top of your field is to specialize:, I jsut love rarepairs so much! I think it’s such a great way to approach character analysis because no one exists in a vaccum so seeing peoples interactions and what people like is so fun!!!! I say, invalidating all my personal issues lollll

CHARACTER ANALYSIS! FUCK TALKING ABOUT INTERACTIONS OR ACTIONS ON THEIR OWN OR THOUGHTS OR HC’S, I STAND BY MY ONE TAAKO ‘vriska did nothing wrong’ QUOTE; Trying to understand what characters morals, and their opinions on certain things by analyzing their opinions and interactions in canon is 500x more productive seeming to me than other things. Like, say taako’s thoughts about vriska, V and Lucretia are p similar actions wise, and he was pissed at her but that was mostly cause of the personal connections, when it doesn’t affect him Taako doesn’t seem to have any moral objections to any of the icky moral stuff; think robot planet or whatevs where they were gonna genocide the place and lup was like no and that was like the only reason he didn’t I’m pretty sure, I’m not too big brained on taako or adventurezone either so don’t take my word; So I think that Taak’s would be chill with Vriska. Another thing? The Lucretia thing was like, giving up which Taako is not ok with and Vriska thigns were about not giving up so I do legit think he would be totally coool with her, even if she were real, unless obvs she hurt one of the seven bird red robe people and their new friends.

ISN;T THAT SUCH A FUN METHOD OF CHARACTER ANALYSIS? I’m not drunk or in an altered state just tired enthusiastic and with a lot of pent up thoughts. Speaking of which, this song just came on it’s “Slowdance with you” by the Marcus Hedges Trend Orchestra and it is SOOOOO good, it’s on a vrisrezi playlist I put on bc I’m rereading song of the pyre because it was vriska day and it’s super good soo so good. It’s on loop now, legit best

Quick detours before I lay out some more hs thoughts; 

Overwatch:

-Ben “Captainplanet” came out w/ a new article and I LOVE IT so much and I want hhis job so bad I wanna get into stats so much ahhh  please so good it’s giving me a , this is crude but it’s the best way I can phrase it, a math erection. I love math so much <33333333

-The Shock, my faves, are doing well and I’m happy for them! I hope they go 7-0, I believe in them! I’m lying I am so fucking nervous for literally every match they have they’re gonna 2-5 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Why am I so INVESTED? They technically could take first spot but that’s require titan’s to lose every match left and the shock to 7-0, but the thing is I thought that I wanted that but 

-then I watched the titans london match today, and I HATED the thought of titans losing. And losing so hard to other teams too, and I didn’t realize this but I think I do actually kinda like the titans?The thought of them not being a great team makes me sad. I think it’s like I really like them and shock as rivals, yknow, stage one and two, then this upcoming map? If Titans aren’t still Good in this meta it just sorta makes their rivalry not fun. Kismesis vibes is what I’m gonna say cause I’m TRASSSHHHHH pls stop my terrible hands from typing also if I ever saw actual ship stuff I would kill whoever made it. Like I’m not gonna check their socials or anything but if they’ve got a match against most teams I’d probs root for them. The Wolf section today was so funny lollll

-I think I might hate the London Spitfire. I have literally no reason to? I think all the players are good and I like them as people and I would never actively hate on them? But I’m like. Really mean to them in my head. I was so satisfied seeing htem lose to Florida, and Titans like IDK? Also they’re hella overrated so anticlutch jfc. Hate the franchise, love the players if that makes sense. IDK WHYYYYYYYYYYY

-Also I’m gonna miss tomorrows shock match and I’m so scared rip.

Misc: 

-Tripped backwards and somehow upturned my moms glass scale and it fell on my foot, that shit hurted.

-Oh My God I’m Projecting a million different things right now because I feel like this will not have an audience if you see this I’m begging you please don’t interact I’d die of embarassment keep the fact you’ve seen this a secret from me

HS:

-JFC song of the pyre is an excellent fic, I wish it would ever get updated it’s so fucking good guys

-I need to read more vrisrezi long form

-Non-sgrub vrisrezi is best vrisrezi

-My ideal Vrisrezi au would be like HS canon, diverge into non-sgrub and they completely fall out of touch, Killing Eve season 1, then Song of the Pyre. THAT is what I want.

-Killing eve season one and two would be an even BETTER VRISROSE AU AHHHHHH

-I once read a very good trollstuck rose but it was an eri-rose ship so basically what I want is that persons troll rose but paired with vriska. For how much I blog about it I’ve read very little vrisrose fic but almost everything I know comes from this fic. . Oh uh this is not the erirose fic that I read w trollstuck although it does unfortunately have erirose but I can excuse it when the vrisrose is this Excellent

Alright I’ve run out of hyper juice, have a nice night, sorry for posting thisssss

bye

[clowngore]

thank you for tagging me ?? @fucktional-slytherpuff idk you but wow great Rules: Answer all questions and tag 20 people. 1. What is your nickname? nizh probably 2. What is your zodiac sign? sagittarius 3. What is your favorite book series? i can't read 4. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? hell ya 5. Who is your favorite author? i can't read 6. What is your current favorite song? tbh the first youtube result for kashmir metal cover because kashmir is the song gwendoline thinks of when she's in character as phasma so it's like, her theme song, but the metal cover fits her more y'know 7. What is your favorite word? fuck 8. What was the last song you listened to? haunted mansion theme song 9. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? game of thrones bc i'm stereotypical 10. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? idfk but airplane and tombstone are always things i'll watch 11. Do you play video games? (sims music playing) (minecraft grass blocks breaking) (star wars lego theme song) yeah i'm a gamer B) 12. What is your biggest fear? being average 13. What is your best quality, in your opinion? every single thing i love myself 14. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? my ability to get overwhelmed after being alive for .5 seconds 15. What is your favorite season? autumn? or winter but i just really love halloween 16. Are you in a relationship? nah 17. What is something you miss from your childhood? cali-fucking-fornia 18. Who is your best friend? yumi n izzy n felix are the best friend trio 19. What is your eye color? l ight br o wn ?? ? 20. What is your hair color? rn it's purple but naturally it's dark brown almost black 21. Who is someone you love? the goddess of the universe who saved all of our souls simply by existing, gwendoline christie, 22. Who is someone you trust? the friend trio 23. Who is someone you think about often? ....................gwen 24. Are you currently excited about/for something? death 25. What is your biggest obsession? star wars or game of thrones idk 26. What was your favorite TV show as a child? spongebob hell yea 27. Do you have any unusual phobias? cherophobia 28. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? both 29. What is your favorite hobby? crying 30. What was the last book you read? i can't read 31. What was the last movie you watched? my cousin vinny i think 32. What musical instruments do you play, if any? sort of guitar but i'm shit 33. What is your favorite animal? bears bears bears bears bears 34. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? literally blog that consistently posts abt gwendoline 35. What superpower do you wish you had? shapeshifting 36. When and where do you feel most at peace? in my room, at night, aaaaaaaa and also the haunted mansion and pirates of the caribbean (the disneyland rides) lmao my childhood 37. What makes you smile? gwendoline. captain phasma. brienne of tarth. people complimenting me. cool clothing. me, when i look good. 38. What sports do you play, if any? is suffering a sport 39. What is your favorite drink? i fucking love matcha frappuccino with two shots of espresso 40. Are you afraid of heights? more like "don't push (person) off don't push them off don't push don't push them do not push them off don't do it i swear to god if you push them, which you will not, i will kill you do not push them" 41. What is your biggest pet peeve? gender roles and biases 42. Have you ever been to a concert? (laughs for an uncomfortably long time) (wipes tear) yeah 43. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? an actor or a singer or a president and damn nizh 2/3 44. What fictional world would you like to live in? star wars fuckin duh 45. What is something you worry about? currently school and This Person 46. Are you scared of the dark? nah 47. Do you like to sing? FUCK YEah 48. Have you ever skipped school? refer to 42 49. What is your favorite place on the planet? my room or disneyland 50. Where would you like to live? kerry co ireland or outside of sapporo japan 51. Do you have any pets? ya i got a cat n a dog 52. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl 53. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? i like when the sun is on the opposite side of the world 54. Do you know how to drive? ): 55. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones kill me 56. Have you ever had braces? yeah it's hell 57. What is your favorite genre of music? is rock too vague 58. Who is your hero? i can't answer these questions with anything other than gwendoline dhjsfjkdjs 59. Do you read comic books? i wish i would get around to it 60. What makes you the most angry? refer to 41 61. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? i like real books but i'm so lazy that i'm more likely to read digital 62. What is your favorite subject in school? leaving 63. Do you have any siblings? unfortunately i have two 64. What was the last thing you bought? that implies that i have money to spend (probably clothes) 65. How tall are you? 5'0 or 5'1 idk 66. Can you cook? can i use my brain ever 67. What are three things that you love? gwendoline, my ego, sleeping 68. What are three things that you hate? refer to 42, homophobes/transphobes, overwhelming things 69. What is your sexual orientation? bi???? idk but i love girls and in between and boys are kinda iffy i'm not sure if i like them i don't think so but it's Confusing 70. Where do you currently live? unfortunately the united states of prejudice 71. Who was the last person you texted? yumi 72. When was the last time you cried? idk last night prolly 73. Who is your favorite YouTuber? no one ? 74. Do you like to take selfies? ya way too much but it's justified bc i'm great 75. What is your favorite app? tumblr idk 76. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? it's fine 77. What is your favorite foreign accent? gwen's 78. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? idfk i'm too tired for this 79. What is your favorite number? 13 because i like to be edgy 80. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? space, the ocean is confining 81. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? idk i do what i want to 82. Are you allergic to anything? chocolate. dairy. idk 83. Can you wiggle your ears? i don't think so? 84. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? i'm never wrong 85. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? hhhhhhhhhhhhh idk??????? 86. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? nobody has given me advice but, everything gwen says is rly good and basically what i can say is: do things that you want if they, logically, make sense and are reasonable and don't hurt anyone. rules that are based on nothing and are just rules to be rules don't need to be followed. judge whether people need to be respected, only respect authority that deserves respect. society is wrong most of the time. if people don't like you it's not your problem and they can cry about it, you're still great and just because some ugly loser is wrong about you doesn't mean that you're automatically worse. 87. Are you a good liar? i'm an actor so 88. What is your Hogwarts House? idk 89. Do you talk to yourself? mhm 90. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert 91. Do you keep a journal/diary? i don't even keep my thoughts consistently 92. Do you believe in second chances? depends 93. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yeah but i don't wanna be the one to do it 94. Are you ticklish? literally nowhere 95. Have you ever been on a plane? ya a shitload 96. Do you have any piercings? my ears twice but i want more 97. What fictional character do you wish was real? literally take a fuckin guess (phasma) 98. Do you have any tattoos? god i wish 99. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? refer to 86. the decision to not care and to judge things for myself def makes me feel better about myself and the world because the pressures of society need to fuck off 100. Do you believe in karma? sorta 101. Do you wear glasses or contacts? no 102. Do you want children? adopt older (10+) children when i'm older 103. Who is the smartest person you know? lmao me (idk) 104. What is your most embarrassing memory? when i was in kindergarten this girl said her favorite color was either pink or purple and i really aggressively raised my hand pointing 1 finger and said "black!!" and everyone stared at me and my life has never been that bad 105. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? way too many times 106. What color are most of you clothes? black 107. Do you like adventures? idk i don't do shit 108. Have you ever been on TV? god i wish 109. How old are you? no 110. What is your favorite quote? "i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity" and it's not because of the emo reason you think it actually makes sense if i explain it 111. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? idk 112. Have your friends ever badly disapponted you? side-eyes That Person 113. What is your favorite scent? cold 114. Random fact you know? every penny made before 1982 is actually almost fully copper, and if melted down is worth 2 cents 115. What is your opinion on long distance relationships? hard. just, really hard. not sure if it's worth it 
Tagging: @yumikoflare @one-bad-apple @boxer-pup @erosiian @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell and if anyone else wants to do them you should message me so i know to tag you in the future LOL

[disableddisaster]

Do all of them ! Blease !!! I Stan u so hard I need the insider deets!!!!!

now THATS what i like to hear :))

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

asfgsfdg im only listening to after laughter rn

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

@gaysun but thats happening so idk. come to alberta tristan

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

theres not a single book in this room and im not leaving to go look for one

4: What do you think about most?

sfgafdgasfg idk myself, probably

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

”he drank ur orange juice the fuck” - you

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

just my underwear

7: What’s your strangest talent?

im gay

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are good boys are bad (noah fence i love u)

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

yes actually :’)

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

man idk

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

FUCKIGN black BEETLES

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

i dont think so? kleenex?

13: What’s your religion?

man idk !!!!

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking to work or looking for dogs

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

in front im a vain bxtch

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

patd.............................................

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know i lied to my mom the other day but i told the truth five minutes later and i dont know what i lied abt

18: Do you believe in karma?

no lol

19: What does your URL mean?

bella swan is a big ass lesbian

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

dude i dont fucking KNOW who am i!!!!!!

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

kristen stewart.. . hayley williams..... shrugs

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

no i dont want any BUGS crawlin around in there.there was an episode of greys anatomy when that happened

23: How do you vent your anger?

i yell to my mom tbh

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

MUGS

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting is so fun

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

NO LOL

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

sound i hate: paper towels 

sound i love: rain i guess

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what IF I fail at life completely wow

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

YES AND YES

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right, my computer. left, my cup!

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

man idk AIR??????

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

high school

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

CANADIAN west coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

hmmmm bad question\

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

AUGHFGKDF not to be dramatic but there isnt one

36: Define Art.

dude i dont know. why is this so fake deep

37: Do you believe in luck?

NO !!!!!

38: What’s the weather like right now?

its dark out  and im inside!!! i dont know!! i think its warm

39: What time is it?

12:25am :O

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes! and no

41: What was the last book you read?

eclipse..................sdfghsdghsdfgsfg

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

..............................who does......

43: Do you have any nicknames?

shy!!!!!!!!!!!

44: What was the last film you saw?

dgsfsdfg new moon!!!!!!

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

i dont know!!!!!!!!! i injure myself a lot im clumsy

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

no!!!!!!!!!!! let them be free.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

twilight, dragon quest 8, paramores new album,.

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

TAKE A WILD FUCKign GUESS

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

YES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA it was awful

50: Do you believe in magic?

.......................no

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

YES LOL

52: What is your astrological sign?

im a libra :^)

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i cant fuckign save money for shit

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

a grande coconut cold brew coffee with extra coconut milk :O

55: Love or lust?

what dpes this mean.

56: In a relationship?

no!

57: How many relationships have you had?

3

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

fun fact i have a really really short tongue

59: Where were you yesterday?

went to the bank in the city and the MALL and ate a sandwich

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

no :(:(:(

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

SOCKS ARE GARBAGE

62: What’s your favourite animal?

CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and sheep and giraffes. mostly cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

fgkdfgosfkg u think i have a secret weapon???????? bxtch i dont even like me!!!!

64: Where is your best friend?

i texted her and asked her one sec. ok she replied “im in my bed!!!!!”

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@gaysun @gaysun @hurricance @hurricance @popcornlesbians :)

66: What is your heritage?

idk! im ukrainian and french

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

playing dragon quest and listening to @quidditchlesbian s wild stories

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

this is so werid asgafdgadsf

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

duh

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

i mean probably. im kind of annoying tho

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

sfgadfgadsf save the dog im not HEARTLESS my job gives me no hours anyways lol

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) probably bc i overshare b) probably just pet my cats c) sort of?

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

TRUST

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

..................someBODY

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

2980

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

trust and communication also i think attraction is important tbh

77: How can I win your heart?

be a cute girl and be nice to me. maybe have a cute animal or smth

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

MMMMMMMMMM ABLEISM

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

gay

80: What size shoes do you wear?

5? 6?

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

”gay bxtch”

82: What is your favourite word?

LESBIAN

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

i wish i was on my phone id add the yellow heart emoji

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

”wow id die for u”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

earlier i was listening to live in chicago

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

yellow adn PINK

87: What is your current desktop picture?

its a pic of bella swan

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

theoretically like donald trump but probably my abuser :)

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

bxtch u could ask me literally anything and id tell u. literally aything

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

go back to sleep. plot twist im actually just having a sleep paralysis episode

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

the vegetables are mushrooms and ALSO iwanna teleport or fly

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the other morning i had a really relaxing breakfast at tim hortons i just listened to music and ate my bagel. it was nice

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

JSDFKJSFG u think i can choose? ur FUNNY!! 

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

oh,,.. .my fucign god. tjis is such a loaded question,. HAYLEY WILLIAMS

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

JENNA (or nyc but shes not there rn so probably just wherever she is!)

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

i think my bio dad was in jail once. maybe

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

no ew throwing up is a huge fear of mine

98: Ever been on a plane?

yep i love planes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

“im gay”

THANKS TRISTAN

[arctic-urpo]

Cyrus and Ceri pls??

Absolutely, thank you for asking nonnie!!!!!

For Cyrus:

Full Name: ★CYRUS POFFINGTON★ - THE STAR PRINCE (His real name is a secret (bc his background is a secret to the other players) so this is the name he goes by and everyone knows him)

Gender and Sexuality: A guy, and a 100000% homosexual.

Pronouns: He/him

Ethnicity/Species: He’s an aasimar (in DnD aasimars are like, humans with celestial blood so kind of like half-angels)

Birthplace and Birthdate: Birthplace is a ★Secret ★ and while idk how timelines work in DnD universe, I’ve put him down as Sagittarius so somewhere around November-December

Guilty Pleasures: Gods, lots. He likes cheating money out of people in card games, he likes to flirt with people who are in love with him just for fun, he befriends people for their pets… 

Phobias: He doesn’t really have any specific ones left. He used to not like heights, but for his magic shows he wanted to do tricks relating to high places so he just practiced the tricks until his fear went away, for examples. Anything he’s afraid of he’ll just, get rid of as soon as possible in not-so-good ways out of impatience

What They Would Be Famous For: He’s already a famous magician so!! That lol

What They Would Get Arrested For: Gods, swindling people probably. I mean, he only swindles from people he deems ~bad~ (like from abusive and actually morally corrupt people to people who are just “Super Mean :(((” or he just disagrees with their moral standards) but that kind of vigilante justice doesn’t really go according to law lol

OC You Ship Them With: We haven’t yet started the game so I can’t say if there’ll be someone, haha~ But for now, no one! 

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Gods, as said the game has yet to start but I feel like one player’s character Vivi is already a candidate, because she’s the bodyguard for another character Selena, and Cyrus tends to play around with her a lot (play around in like the, pick her up and spin around to make her dizzy kind of way) and Vivi Does Not Approve

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: He’s not that into fiction! But I think he’d generally love stories about animals 

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Doesn’t really have one~

Talents and/or Powers: Uhm he’s a Bard, so even now on first level he has the magical power of actually hurting others by insulting them :’’’D But yeah he’s a mage so there’s that, but he’s also skilled in playing the violin, flute and lute, and also he’s skilled in magic tricks! Some of his magic tricks do include actual magic and some are more our world kind of magic tricks.

But really, the magic shows are more about the show and glamour, and entertaining people. Which he is great at. 

Why Someone Might Love Them: He’s a charming young man, who can be really sweet and make you laugh and smile any day of your life. There’s not a boring day with him, really

Why Someone Might Hate Them: He’s… super annoying, selfish and makes assumptions and judges people without really even knowing them. He’s also a perfectionist about his shows so gods if something goes wrong he’s going to be so upset and whine abt it

How They Change: Well, that remains to be seen! Only thing I know that will change in his life is that he’ll get a puppy after our first mission bc the GM promised me he’d give me enough money and an opportunity to get the lil darling~ It’s gonna be a Toy Pomeranian and his name will be★ FLUFFY POFFINGTON★ - THE STAR KNIGHT

Why You Love Them: He’s, so dramatic and fun, I feel like I’ll have a blast playing with him because he’s so lively and energetic! He’s also really pretty and I would die from being gay if I actually met him, lol

For Ceri!

Full Name: Ceri Davies

Gender and Sexuality: Male, and a gay demisexual!

Pronouns: He/him!

Ethnicity/Species: Idk, some kind of human bean

Birthplace and Birthdate: He’s also from the Mystery Country that most my OCs live in, and he was born September 6th

Guilty Pleasures: Idk if this counts as guilty pleasure but he tends to annoy people on purpose, just to see if they get upset with him if he’s difficult or uncooperative and when they do he’ll cry and turn it around to say they’re bad for getting angry at him. He keeps doing this even though he hates doing it. He also has a lot of shitty coping mechanisms

Phobias: Being abandoned, being hated, never being loved, being alone….. You get the picture

What They Would Be Famous For: He’s not really the type to be famous…. unless for like, bad reasons. Like the answer of the next question…

What They Would Get Arrested For: Murder of a lover. Like, no question abt it.

OC You Ship Them With: Salal!

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: He doesn’t really have anyone close enough for this other than Salal… I guess his family goes for this though, especially his shitty older siblings

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Romance

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Like, you know the trope where character A is about to like, get married to character B and then A’s old sweetheart C comes back into their life and they fall for them again and end up dumping B for C? Yeah, Ceri hates that. And any other kind of cheating/breaking up tropes.

Talents and/or Powers: He’s an extremely little-better-than-mediocre in many things, like web design. Although he was very studious and hard-working, and did get straight A’s when he was in elementary to high school, and then got into university when his mental health finally plummeted from the abuse at home. Now he lives in sort of a daze, and many of his skills and knowledge has kind of… deteriorated bc he stopped. 

He still managed to graduate well enough and get a job with the skills he had already acquired, but there’s little hope for him to get actually better and ahead without like… getting actual professional help for his mental health…

//EDIT: ALSO I GUESS HE’S SOMEWHAT CAPABLE OF BLACK MAGIC like geez that fact might be relevant somewhat to his character arc

Why Someone Might Love Them: Uh, that’s a good question. He’s hardworking and, when he’s actually stable he’s witty and funny, and I think he’s the type to have a really cute laugh. All in all, he is a sweet person underneath, who just got treated like shit by the world

Why Someone Might Hate Them: I mean, he’s like, Problematic ™ so it’s easy to see why. If someone even tries to befriend him, he either turns them down until they give up or he’ll demand their absolute attention and care and when they of course wouldn’t be able to provide that he’d dump them out of his life. It’s all of course because of a mental illness, but, he is really abusive and has given up on trying to be better (he thinks that it’s “too late for him to be good”) so… 

How They Change: I think he’ll eventually realize that he can change and will seek help, and will at least to some degree start to interact with other humans again. 

Why You Love Them: I mean, of course the obvious “I love yanderes” part, I think what I love him about the most is the fact that he’s a bad person without a like, justification. There’s a reason why he’s like that, and he’s not completely a lost case or irredeemable but still, he’s not good. He yearns to be loved and cared for but he doesn’t know how to go about it and ends up summoning a demon in his desperation… Idk, I really love thinking about his personality and how he ended up being like this, and what goes on in his head. So ultimately, I love yanderes and have endless interest in that kind of thought processes orz

[boyjadzia]

omg sara @shinelikeastarlight tagged me to do this super long tag game hlep

tagging: @void-for-president, @the-alexandrian-alchemist, @starboysisko, @magnmite, @yacobeanreign (of course only if y’all want)

last text sent: "cool [thumbs up emoji]”

list three favourite colours: ???? don’t do this to me

what time did u wake up at today: 11am, it’s reading period don’t judge me what were u doing last night at midnight: playing drunk rock band name something you can’t wait for: this godforsaken quarter to be over when was the last time u saw ur mother: over winter break/new year’s one thing u wish u could change abt ur life: the crippling depression/abandonment issues are getting kinda old, I’d like to feel like I have a stable community/family who love and support me whats getting on ur nerves rn: the discourse favourite tv shows: star trek (all of them but esp DS9), idk I’m sort of obsessed with yuri on ice at the moment, those two are the main ones tbh? first best friend: my girl India who doesn’t have a tumblr but we’ve been best friends since we met on the playground at age 5. our moms are also tight. listening to rn: nothing, the sound of my laptop fan straining to keep my computer from bursting into flame

3 fears: never having a group of people I feel I can call family, never being in love, cavities

4 turn ons: self-awareness/humility, being sensitive about & respectful of my dysphoria, trust/willingness to be vulnerable, being honest & vocal about what you like 4 turn offs: being boring, being insensitive/distant, not being conscientious about how you interact with my body (i.e. assuming you can just treat my body the same way you’d treat a woman’s body and that’s a-ok), heterosexuality of any kind sexual orientation: gay tbh senior year quote in my year book: oh god some generic hillary clinton quote about feminism I don’t even wanna remember it first thing i notice in a person: ?? what they look like? shoe size: 7M/9W (US) eye colour: hazel hair colour: brown favourite item of clothing: probably my leather jacket, close runners up are my high-waisted black jeans that look good with pretty much anything and my crop top that says “I got to second base at Jonah’s bar mitzvah, January 7th 1978″ what colour of underwear i’m wearing rn: blue/brown/white stripes favourite season: whichever one has like 60-70F weather, used to be summer but now that’s spring lol how much time i spent on designing my blog: not much I just picked a theme the reason i joined tumblr: this is pretty sad but... I wanted to make friends do i ever get “good morning” or “goodnight” texts: only if I’m like talking to someone right before going to bed when did i last hold hands: don’t remember how long does it take me to get ready in the morning: depends, anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour have i shaved my legs in the past 3 days: LMAO try the last 4 years where am i rn: on my couch do i like music loud or at a reasonable level: reasonable, loud noises are scary 3 things i love: my friends, dogs, idk earth? how i feel rn: I need to gtf to sleep lol something i rlly, rlly want: to feel like I don’t have to radically change my body to be attractive to the people I want to attract 3 things that upset me: feeling like I’m hurting or burdening other people, straight men trying to hit on me, the persistent feeling that being transmasc somehow makes me a bad person what i find attractive in other ppl: appreciating subjects other than your field of study, confidence, ambition, someone who’s accomplished interesting things in their life, being friendly, genuine & not condescending 3 habits i have: staying in bed all day on days when I don’t have to do anything, only eating part of my lunch during lunch time and eating the rest for dinner, carrying off ridiculous amounts of free food from events something i fantasize abt: feeling comfortable and secure in my attractiveness vis a vis how my body looks, and in my presence in gendered spaces something im talented at: singing, memorization, embarrassing myself the blog i give the most notes to: idk, probably sara tbh last person re-blogged sth from me: I haven’t checked my notifications in a while o_0 do  i smoke/drink: I drink with friends my favourite food: I’m a big fan of things with cheese in them. also guacamole. my favourite dessert: it really depends ugh I guess cake? what i did yesterday: had my last day of classes, went to work, went to an award ceremony/opening gala for an integrated DNA technologies sponsored exhibit at the field museum (it was so fancy I felt so grown up and fancy), went to kat’s birthday party number of kids i want: ???? number of siblings i have: none something thats constantly on my mind: trangst (trans angst)

last person i messaged on tumblr: teddy (void-for-president) can i drive: nope :/ what state or part of the world do i live in: Chicago, from Brooklyn am i in school: 3rd year undergrad do i get grossed out easily: not generally, but certain specific things will do it (ex. dead animals especially FISH) somewhere i would like to visit for a week: hm maybe go back and see Alaska again? check on that mountain biking trail I helped build in 10th grade i’ll love u if: make an effort to spend your free time with me/take the initiative in telling me that you value my being in your life last show i binge-watched: I binged legend of korra over winter break, probably that what words upset me the most: idk I guess people telling me I’m wrong for existing in the spaces that I occupy? what words make me feel best abt myself: when people tell me they value having me in their lives and that I make them feel good about themselves a wish that i’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11: that’s not a thing that I do :/ who i would switch lives with for a day: idk maybe someone who’s already gone on T and sings just so I could get a sense of what the voice change is like for a singer? or like. a famous celebrity or something. my favourite ice cream: green tea I think? allergies: minor allergy to raw eggplant I think, every time I eat undercooked eggplant my mouth starts to feel like it’s swelling up, not like my throat is being blocked off but just my mouth starts to hurt quite noticeably sexiest person to come to mind immediately: alskdjfsldk this is really hard uhh uhhh ok see my first thought is like star trek characters but I can’t say that ok let’s go with john boyega he’s gorgeous and seems like a ray of sunshine my childhood career choice: biologist! one of my insecurities: that being transmasc nonbinary and still participating in some women’s spaces/not letting go of some aspects of womanhood makes me a bad person and specifically is harming transfeminine people how many blogs am i following: just over 100 I think how many tabs/different windows do i have open at this very moment: 2 windows, this is the only tab open in this window because my internet sucks and tumblr is a monster website, the other window has 13 tabs coke or pepsi: not super into either, I guess coke although my aunt used to work for pepsi so I should be loyal tea or coffee: tea movie or book: movie probably, I don’t actually read that much it’s embarrassing, although frankly I don’t really watch movies that much either a sense i would be willing to lose: none omg! I guess if I had to pick taste? since taste is mostly smell anyway quote i live by: I don’t really? type of accessory i wear the most: does the leather jacket count? otherwise none last awkward situation i found myself in: I kept trying to pet eva’s dog today but I just ended up scaring her what time is it rn: way too late

a song that made me cry: hallelujah by leonard cohen, not actually, just like made me v emotional (yes I’m thinking abt that yiddish cover) first song u ever sang at karaoke: are we talking like legit karaoke at a karaoke place or like hanging out in my best friend from middle school’s basement singing along with her CD of karaoke tracks for the hottest hits of the mid-2000s bc I don’t remember the former but the latter was definitely sk8r boi

[the-healing-hero]

★ BASIC DETAILS AND OUTWARD APPEARANCE ★

1. Name: Alice

2. Nickname(s)?: Many. Bunny a lot lately! 3. Gender and pronouns?: Female, dont care 4. Age?: 19 5. When is your birthday?: march 14 6. Nationality: finnish 7. Race: white as ur whitest white bread 8. Have any special features?: i got long eyelashes 9. How tall are you?: 5′9 10. Body type?: tol. kinda fat. idk. pear shaped 11. Do you have any moles / freckles?: so many 12. Do you have any significant scars, birth marks or other marks on your body?: surgery scars on my leggy 13. Do you wear glasses?: occasionally 14. If not, do you wear contact lenses?: no... 15. Have any facial hair?: probably 16. If not, would you like to have facial hair?: no 17. Do you regularly shave your legs or arms?: no 18. Are your ears pierced and how old were you when you got them pierced?: I do but uh. idk like 14? 19. Do you have any other piercings / body modifications?: nop and never 20. Do you have any tattoos? If so, how many and what are they?: nope but i wanna get one or two or three someday 21. Is your hair currently its natural color? Or is it dyed?: natural i guess. dyin it costs 22. What color is your hair right now? dark brown 23. Is your general outward expression masculine or feminine, or is it more androgynous? What do strangers most often recognize you as?: androgyne im pretty sure but i do have feminine qualities 24. Skin tone: pale and acne ridden. gros 25. Do you wear make up?: nno ★ RELATIONSHIPS, FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LIVING ★ 26. Do you prefer to have many friends or hold close just a few good friends?: i hold close to a few close ones 27. Do you have a best friend? What's their name? (List as few or as many as you'd like): yeppo froze who im living with rnnnn also otter 28. How / where did you meet your best friend(s) and for how long have you been friends?: froze ive known for like 10 years met on the internet. otter a bit less but samestory 29. Do you still live with your parents?: nope actually 30. Are your parents still married?: ya! 31. Were you raised by your biological parents or were you adopted?: biological parents. love them, lit the best parents 32. Do you get along with your parents?: ya i love them to bits  33. How about with the rest of your extended family?: I love most of my family tbh we’re mostly good folk 34. Do you have any pets? If so, how many?: I got 2 cats 1 dog and 1 hamster. the doggo and hamster live at my parents’ tho 35. Do you prefer to have cats, dogs or both (or neither)?: cats I think but I love my doggo to bits... 36. Are there any animals you don't have but would like to have someday?: possibly? im pretty content with these asshairs rn 37. Do you have any siblings?: yeee 38. If so, how many?: one big brother 39. Are you an only child, the youngest, oldest or the middle child?: youngest boy 40. If you have a sibling / siblings, do you get along with them? What's your relationship with them like?: we get along really well! my brother is such a sweetheart and i love him so much 41. Are you in a relationship?: yes 42. What's your romantic / sexual orientation?: uh confusing. im just into some people 43. Are you monogamous or polyamorous?: mono. pls. im too jealous for that stuff 44. If you're in a relationship, what's your partner's name?: Dandan 45. Are they a boy or a girl?: boyo 46. How long have you been together?: lil over 6 months 47. Where did you meet them?: omg. via rp. omegle. 48. How long have you known them?: like a year and a half? 49. Is your significant other your best friend?: like. in a significant other way! we’re really close but like. i like to keep my friends and lovers separate for reasons 50. Are you long-distance or do you live close to them?: long distance 51. If you're long-distance, have you ever met them in person?: not yet but plannin 52. Have you had your first kiss?: ye not with him but we dont talk abt that 53. What's your favorite thing about your partner(s)?: he’s really loving and emotional and obviously loves me like. a whole lot. and he can also withstand me being completely gross so like. a gift? he’s a gift. 54. Are you happy in your relationship?: ye ye 55. How many exes do you have?: uh. 4? ★ SOME MORE PERSONAL STUFF ★ 56. Do you have a collection of anything? Or would you like to collect something in the future?: mugs.... 57. Do you have a job?: nah i go to school 58. If so, where do you work or are you self-employed?: i do commissions sometimes 59. Last person you called: me mome 60. Do use alcohol?: not really no. on very rare occasions  61. Do you use tobacco?: no ew 62. Do you use any other (currently) illegal substance(s)?: no ew 63. What's your favorite food and drink?: mnt dew and uh fish i think 64. What type of clothing do you wear most often (Tshirts, hoodies / sweatshirts, etc.)?: like long lazy shirts 65. What color is your underwear? black 66. What's your favorite type of kind of pants to wear (shorts, sweatpants, joggers, skinny jeans and so on)?: just underwear or lazy sweatpants  67. Favorite television and / or Netflix shows?: bhhh hard to say i dont watch a lot. some trash reality. 68. Do you play video games? What are some of your favorites?: ya I do. re6 i enjoy. but anything really 69. Do you prefer to play games on consoles or PC?: both, froz introduced me to pc gamin after years of consoling. 70. Favorite movie genre(s)?: action comedy 71. Have any favorite movie movies to watch?: kingsman was real good 72. What kind of deodorant / perfume / cologne do you wear?: just. something neutral 73. Favorite soda(s): mnt dew  74. Do you eat sweets? What's your favorite candy?: this finnish chocolate type. but chocolate in general 75. Ever done anything illegal?: uh. i cant really recall?? ★ PERSONAL BELIEFS, CONTROVERSIES AND OTHER VIEWS ★ 76. Religious / spiritual beliefs (if applicable): agnostic prob 77. Do you attend any sort of religious services regularly (like church)?: not anymore omg 78. Do you believe in a higher power (god / gods, spiritual beings, some sort of creator)?: no and yes idk 79. How about evil? Do you believe in demons, the devil or other inherently malicious beings? yeah kinda 80. Angels and demons? not in that kinda way i guess but ye??? 81. Ghosts and / or other crypids? im scare but not really on cryptids but i believe in ghosts on some level 82. How about aliens? ya 83. Pro-life ("Abortion is murder") or pro-choice ("Women should have the right to abort unwanted offspring")?: pro choice and i think pro life people are just. disgusting 84. What country do you live in and what is your political stance?: finland and no comment 85. Do you believe in witches, witchcraft and / or magic?: eh 86. Do you believe in equal rights among all people of all shapes, sizes, color, gender, sexuality and beliefs?: ye boy if youre peaceful youre fine in my books 87. Do you believe that keeping wild animals in zoos, aquariums or as pets is right or wrong?: to some extent it’s okay. but it’s hard to say so broadly 88. Thoughts on the death penalty?: id much rather people stay in jails for the rest of their lives 89. Thoughts on Donald Trump?: whoawee 90. Should marijuana be legalized for medical and / or recreational use?: not really 91. What are your views on humans creating organic, artificial life? ya sure i dont see why not 92. What about immortality? What are your views on humans searching for the key to eternal life?: no need it’ll be bad 93. Thoughts on overpopulation, what do you think we should do?: educate. help countries that need it. 94. Thoughts on the Flat Earth theory: stop 95. Thoughts on birth-control: absolutely ya 96. Is global warming a myth?: n o??? of course not omg 97. Are your beliefs more liberal or conservative?: no comment 98. Do you believe in Santa Claus and other holiday-related beings?: not really but sh

99. Thoughts on pit bulls. Do you think they're too dangerous to be kept as pets and should be banned? train em proper i dont care 100. Are you vegetarian or vegan? no. i wont be. if youre chill abt it all the power to ya ★ OTHER QUESTIONS ★ 101. Do you have your own computer?: a laptop ye 102. Do you have a mobile phone of your own?: yepo 103. Do you sleep with any stuffed animals and do you have any favorite plush toys?: i sleep with a tiger... 104. What color is your bedset?: depends 105. What is (are) your username(s)?: look at my current one. it me. 106. Do you prefer to draw digitally, traditionally or do you do a bit of both?: digital 107. Do you draw (digitially) with a tablet, mouse, trackpad or by some other means?: tablet 108. How long have you been on DeviantArt? whoa boy too long 109. What was the first website you regularly visited when you first started using the internet?: yt 110. Favorite band(s)?: coldplay, mother mother... 111: What are some of your favorite songs right now? family by mother mother 112. What platform / app do you use most often to listen to your music?: yt mostly 113. Are you missing any fingers, toes or teeth?: teeth ye 114. Ever go through a scene or emo phase?: uh not reeeallllyyy 115. Are you still in school? What grade are you in?: wow just. idk how to answer this. im in school. semi-uni?? 116. Have you ever failed a class?: no 117. Have you ever failed and had to repeat a whole grade?: no 118. Ever been suspended?: no 119. Have you ever been fired or almost got fired from a job?: nno 120. Have you moved away from your parents?: yeee

121. Do go to college / plan to go to college?: yeeeee 122. What color are your curtains?: pale 123. Ever broken a mirror?: no 124. What was your favorite thing to do as a child? all kinds of things. play. 125. What color are the walls in your bedroom? Is there anything decorative on them? purp n white. pic of my fam there. 126. Do you have your own room or do you share it with somebody? w the roomie! my homie! 127. Does your bedroom door have a lock on it? no 128. Can you drive? Do you have your learners permit or license?: i can do a drive and also am licensed 129. Do you like your ID / School ID photo?: been pretty long since that happened 130. What material is the floor in your kitchen made of (wood, tile, fake wood, etc.)?: tiles 131. What's your favorite book?: I quite enjoyed confessions

132. Do you like cereal? What's your favorite kind?: they dont sell them anymore... this chocolate puff things 133. What color is your wallet (if you have one)?: black asm y soul 134. Do you like milk? Do you drink it straight from the carton?: occasionally and nah das nasty when u sharin a house 135. Tag some friends: no 

[shrubforhire]

Asks 1-99

i rly thought i was in the clear,,,

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? inevitable by orla gartland nine in the afternoon by panic! fake happy by paramore epic III from hadestown say my name from beetlejuice haunted house by sir babygirl

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? hayley williams

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. Tally ran toward the garden.

4: What do you think about most? going back to school

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? Good! Morning!

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? clothes on,,, my family dont b respectin boundaries how yall live like that

7: What’s your strangest talent? i can make my eyes shake

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) girls... are so pretty and wonderful and they could do whatever they want to me. boys.... can be p cool sometimes

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? yes!!!! my girlfriend wrote me a sonnet eeeeee

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? i......cant remember

11: Do you have any strange phobias? nah

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? probably

13: What’s your religion? jew by blood

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? going somewhere else

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind, i always look weird on camera

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? paramore

17: What was the last lie you told? i told my mom her fitbit isnt a worse model

18: Do you believe in karma? yea

19: What does your URL mean? i made it when i was finally mostly sure i was a lesbian but it kinda leaves some ambiguity. and now its just kinda like hey maybe lets not

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? im super insecure; im persistent

21: Who is your celebrity crush? stephanie scott

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? no

23: How do you vent your anger? pacing & long walks, doing something else

24: Do you have a collection of anything? i have hella pokemon dolls i used to collect

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like talking on the phone cause then im not thinking abt my appearance the whole time

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? almost

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? knife on a plate; hot metal going into liquid

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if they dont like me

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yea, and no

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. a pillow. my own leg

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? nothing lol, its just air

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? texas

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? east coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? uhhhhhh,,,,, i guess like a younger billie joe armstrong

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? to be happy!

36: Define Art. something that makes you feel stuff!

37: Do you believe in luck? yea

38: What’s the weather like right now? sunny, but not deadly hot yet

39: What time is it? 10:43

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? yes, no i have not yet knock on wood babeyyy

41: What was the last book you read? boleslavsky lmao

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? YES

43: Do you have any nicknames? lil c, mini straub

44: What was the last film you saw? arthur

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? i tripped and my cheek got stabbed with the corner of a coffee table and i had to get stitches

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? musescore

48: What’s your sexual orientation? less bien

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? not rly lol, no ones rly cared enough to do tht

50: Do you believe in magic? a lil

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? yes, but after 4 years i give them a second chance

52: What is your astrological sign? taurusss

53: Do you save money or spend it? save

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? a subway sandwich

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? y e s hehehhhe

57: How many relationships have you had? techincally, 3. but the first 2 lasted for like 2 weeks so they really dont count. p much just this 1

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no :(

59: Where were you yesterday? at work lol

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? a spray bottle

61: Are you wearing socks right now? no ;)

62: What’s your favourite animal? giraffe

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? god i wish i had one,,, usually just tryna not b annoying lol

64: Where is your best friend? at rehearsal

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. positivewlwvibes lesbian-bottom-memes meaningfulsuggestion okay-pie atomicanderson haha bitchessssss

66: What is your heritage? white people soup

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? watching danny gonzalez 

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? hellman

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? no, i only clock out when I've worked my 9 hours. but noice q 69

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? yea,, i send memes and im a crackhead

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? this job is seasonal bitch,,,, save that mf pupper

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? i would tell my pals, i would spend all of my money doing dumb shit, and id be scared as fuck bitch!!

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. this is a weird fucking q. i guess trust bc its a form of love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? girls like girls

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 6071

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? communication, checking in w the other person, making sure everything is all good

77: How can I win your heart? playing a song,,,,, bonus points if u wrote it ohymogd

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes absolutely

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? moving away from home for college

80: What size shoes do you wear? 6 1/2

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? pepparoni and chaese

82: What is your favourite word? effervescent 

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. tubes

84: What is a saying you say a lot? we cant all be winners

85: What’s the last song you listened to? i got you by karmin

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? lavender and p much any pastels

87: What is your current desktop picture? the gravity falls floating stan balloon that says i eat kids

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? i’d say trump, but then we’d have pence and it would be worse. 

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? idk,, theres so much embarrassing shit you could ask me i rly cant narrow it down

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? say whats up bro

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? telekinesis

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? going to the beach w pals and riding bikes and looking at the ocean :’)

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? my dads existence rofl

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? hayley. mf. williams

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? maryland

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? not anymore!

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? nope

98: Ever been on a plane? yup

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? raid the ice concentration camps

[toschestation-archive]

1 -15 ! 💗

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

oH MAN THIS IS HARD CUZ LIKE.IM A CORNY ASS PERSON WHO WOULD LEGIT BE DOWN FOR ANYTHING WITH THE RIGHT PERSON SFJKSAHS. but like. the absolute dream is like a...kind of city stroll??? aT NIGHT??? like we could walk down the street and go grab coffee or something like that and then sit on a park bench and talk abt life until we’re tired as hell!!!!

2. whats your “type”

ohsfasdjkfhaefyg okay so like...man this one’s hard too but hm. idk i love ppl with cute hair¿¿¿??? asdjkhdjs like...people who ROCK their hair askjfasdh in any way. i lov sad looking eyes idk why. also people with glasses dfksdidk i just love a lot of different things on totally different ppl sdlfhsaflasjf

3. do you want kids?

I DON’T KNOW!!!! i mean. i rly don’t know yet dgkhdfjfd

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

i’ll probs have to cuz i definitely DON’T want to ever get pregnant djkfhsdj

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

oh my god i’ve been in like three(four?) cute dates so far but the winner’s always the first one ever aka when my best friend/ boyfriend to be took me to the movies (where we saw DIE HARD 5 kasdfhaksdjfhsdj) and yeah it was like a super cute experience skdfhsd after the movie. it was the cheesiest thing cuz there were these cute little tables outside the theater and we were like okay this is happening, we’re doing this sajfhs and my boy was nervous as shit. SUDDENLY, A DUDE STEPS IN FRONT OF OUR TABLE AND ASKS HIM IF HE WANTS TO GET ME FLOWERS. THE DUDE HAD LIKE THREE DIFFERENT SIZED BOUQUETS AND HE WAS JUST LIKE AAAAA ASDKFJHASDJKFS SO IN THE END HE GOT ME THE MEDIUM ONE AND I WAS SO HAPPY I WAS LIKE YO. WE HAVE TO TELL OUR FRIENDS.

AND HE’S LIKE YUP TOTALLY THIS HAS GOT TO BE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT, SO HE PULLS OUT HIS TINY PHONE AND STARTS DIALING HIS PALS. HE CALLED LIKE THREE OF THEM AND TOLD THEM STUFF LIKE “WE’RE TOGETHER” ASDKFJHSKFJSDH AND I COULD HEAR EM CHEERING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LINE GOD IT WAS THE CUTEST!!!!!! 

the nicest thing of it all is that all that jazz happened in middle school sdafjkhsdfajksdfhsd, we met in 2012 and started dating in 2013, and yeah about two months into that relationship i was like yo im 12 and tbh i think i’d rly like to keep u as a friend for now. AND TO BE HONEST IT’S PROBABLY THE BEST RELATIONSHIP DECISION I’VE MADE IN MY LIFE. CUZ IT’S 2018, WE LIVE MORE THAN A THOUSAND MILES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, AND WE’RE STILL BEST FRICKIN FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

i haVEN’T YET DFSGJDFJ

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

NIGHT TIME GAY ALL THE WAY!!!

8. opinion on nap dates?

LOVE THEM OH MY GOD!!!!! i once napped with my ex gf and it was. one of the best experiences i’ve lived.

9. opinion on brown eyes?

LOVE THEM ADORE THEM EMBRACE THEM CUZ MINE ARE BROWN TOO ASHDFJS BUT!!! YEAH!!! TOTALLY AMAZING!

10. dog gay or cat gay?

ahhh don’t make me choose kdfhsadkj BOTH

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

TOTALLY DGHSDJDFH as long as they’re like. legal pets AND they take good care and love em im good!!!!!

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

oh boy. any red flag like high jealousy or possessiveness, or homophobia or any kind of shit like that. i was abt to date this boy last year but like god. i found out he was a huuuuuuge racist and like a massive massive asshole who didn’t know shit about...respecting women that weren’t. attractive or smart or “at his level” and god...ew. any person like THAT can go to hell.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgbt people before you realized you were one?

hm. i didn’t really know much about the community before i realized i was part of it. i was so out of touch with it cuz in my family we didn’t talk about it. and it took me about four years to fully come to terms with my sexuality. 

tbh i didn’t even know what labels were and at first i was rly dumb cuz i was like hello i dk im totally not straight cuz the only person i’ve fallen in love with so far has been a girl and tbh i wanna do it again fkjasdhf BUT i still like boys and wanna love boys too so i guess??? im bi??? but then i was like hm but like i rly don’t give a shit about gender so i guess im pan??? and then last year i decided i wanted to come out. and i wanted to adopt a label i was fully fully comfortable with and one that was easy for ppl to understand and for me to explain. so i chose to come out as bi to my dad.

and ever since, i’ve felt so so so happy with this label and idk. free. so i guess yeah the biggest misconception i’ve ever had is that bi ppl are only attracted to two genders sdfgjshJDSHF WHICH IS TOTAL BONKERS!!!!!!! 

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

oh dear. don’t feel bad for being gay lmao there’s absolutely NO THING wrong with it. no matter what u see or hear or what people try to convince you of. it’s gonna be okay and one day you’ll be proud of who you are and you’ll be comfortable in ur own skin and self enough for you to shine and help ppl feel that too!!!!!!!!

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

eJSDHFASJ yeah im kinda. more...strict with dudes dfkjsdfasdf like i don’t have a type but im strict-er asdkfhsd and with gals and nb people my brain rly chooses for me so jskfhkasdjfhsdfim!!! like!!! hello yall!!! i love you!!! asdkfjhskajdhfsdjj

gay ask game for gays only