#idk if he just said insensitive things because he genuinely has no idea how bad my mental illnesses have been/are but like....

[californiaquail]

hooty hoo!

[binunus]

college bf!mj

a/n AH !!!! THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE ASTRO COMEBACK ???? APRIL 5TH ??? WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE LOVES !! i genuinely...do not know if I will be able to survive this month bc of them. 

(also i tried to get this posted on mj’s birthday but I’m so sorry a lot of shit happened and I had a ~bad mental breakdown~ and it’s just been rough out here but that’s a story for another time if any of you lovely beings wanna know hehe)

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ tw: mentions of cheating (in past relationships)

→ word count: 4.9k ____________________________________

KIM MYUNGJUN !!

A LIVING REINCARNATION OF THE SUN

this is gonna be so cute i just !! love him so much???

has his own apartment, but he honestly stays over all of the boys’ places so much that...he barely sleeps at his apt

major: vocal performance

his voice is literally honey

can probably sing higher than some sopranos in his major

so friendly, everyone who meets him loves him

mj just has a way of attracting people and making people comfortable around him

in short, he is – of course – the moodmaker

can turn anyone’s frown upside down

he’s down?? for like everything

an adventurous spontaneous type

has...probably failed a ged ed class once or twice before...

he’s not stupid okay! he just doesn’t really care about the classes that has no connection to his major

like will he ever apply calculus in singing? probably not

oh but professors can’t hate him, even if he just messes around during class

he’s just so kind and likeable

loves his boys aka astro

will literally do anything to make them smile, even if he’s had a rough day

as long as his boys are happy :’) he’s happy :’)

now how do you meet myungjun??

he’s in an acapella group on campus

he just has to be alright

he was the only freshman that got in during his first year

that shows how good he is :*

a tenor in the highly competitive co-ed group

spoiler alert, he convinces sanha to join, but that’s for college bf!sanha

myungjun is what me and my friends like to call: the solo whore

and it’s not bc he’s greedy for solos, he’s a real team player

his voice just happens to sound the best for most solos your group has??

you’re also in the acapella group

im not giving a voice part bc then that would put you in a binary category

so soprano, alto, tenor, baritone, bass, you pick love

anyway, you and myungjun were chosen to sing a duet for one of your competition pieces

and it was the key emotional piece so you and him had to be on your A games

you and myungjun were friends ofc, you had to be some sort of friends with everyone in your acapella group

but you never really hung out with him outside of rehearsal

well until you got this duet together

and you weren’t worried about it, mj was so fun and nice and an amazing singer, you had no doubt these extra practices with him would be a good time

and you were right! besides singing, you actually got a chance to get to know him and how goofy he really was

you’re pretty sure you always had an ab workout whenever you hung out with him bc of how much he made you laugh

about a month away from competition, you and myungjun were like best buds

literally a chaotic, iconic duo

the chemistry you two had during your duet was spectacular, your voices highlighted and bounced off each other very well

but! your leader had a little critique

“y/n, myungjun, that was great but...can you guys pretend to look...like in love? I get we’re all friends here, but if you can’t convey the emotion of the song in our performance, what’s the point? This goes for everyone, this is a song about how much you love your partner and would give them the world, we need to show that in our eyes and movements, even if you’re just singing ooh and woah for like 10 measures.”

you and myungjun decide to stay after rehearsal and practice the emotions you guess...

your leader had a point, good singing could only go so far

and for the first time, myunjun was a bit...? awkward??

you: alright so how are we gonna pretend to be madly in love with each other

he chuckles and shrugs: honestly I don’t know, look at me like I’m your boyfriend or something??

you: well, I hate my last boyfriend so that probably wouldn’t be a good idea

myungjun offering you a high-five: I hate...well I think I hate...my last partner too so at least we have that

you: how do you think you hate your last partner? are you not dating anyone right now?

he gives you a smile and like you notice it’s forced?? it’s not genuine or bright like the one he usually gives

mj: no I’m not dating anyone...my last relationship sorta traumatized me I guess. 

you: ...how did it traumatize you...? you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to myungjun

mj: ah *awkward laughter* well...I was sorta going through it my senior year of high school, stress from graduating and what to do with my life and all that shit, you know? I dated this person since my freshman year and I guess my mental health got the best of me during that time and they couldn’t handle it. We were planning on staying together throughout college and do long distance but I found out in the summer before starting college that they fucked my high school best friend behind my back...when I confronted them about it, the answer they gave me was that I was too down and preoccupied with my worries to notice about my partner’s needs...pretty fucked up right?

your jaw dropped, your eyes were bulging out at his story

you: myungjun what the fuck??? what college do they go to? I’ll pull up right now and beat their asses, I don’t know scream in their face or something! That’s fucked!

he’s laughing a little: thanks y/n, but it’s alright. You know, maybe I was too caught up in my own problems that I ended up neglecting my partner’s needs...I guess that’s why I’m always just trying to be carefree and fun now.

you: that doesn’t justify the fact that what they did to you was wrong. you should have never gone through that myungjun, it’s not your fault that you were going through it mentally, your partner should have been there to support you and understand your struggles, not cheat on you with your best friend. ugh I’m pissed for you. 

mj: I appreciate it y/n, but yeah love’s sorta a hard subject for me.

you nod in understanding

mj: well! that’s my traumatic breakup story, it’s only fair you share yours

you laugh: you’re right. Well I was dating this guy right when I entered college, met him at the freshman orientation, completely hit it off. I was so in love with him, we dated for about a year. And then last semester he broke up with me out of nowhere, said he wanted to focus on school and himself and that he needed a break from dating. I found out two days later that he started dating one of his suite mates and that on the night he broke up with me, they fucked. So love? also something hard for me.

mj: aww look at us both unable to find or relate to love because of past relationship traumas.

you hit his shoulder laughing: you’re such a headass

mj: I’m kidding! anyway, I’m sorry you went through that too y/n. it sucks and your ex is a dumbass for breaking up with you. Do you still have feelings for him? w-wait, you don’t have to answer that, was that insensitive?

you: you’re fine haha. Um...well...sometimes when I overthink things at night, I do miss him and I wonder what the hell I did wrong for it to end so abruptly because I was honestly really happy with him, but then I wake up in the morning and I hate him again. 

mj: you did nothing wrong y/n...and if you need to call me at 2 am when you’re overthinking and need some badass confidence knocked into you, I will be awake.

you smile and give him a hug: thanks myungjun...you know the same goes for you too?

mj: hm??? what do you mean??

you: you don’t always have to smile around me, especially if you don’t feel like it. Don’t repress your mental health, huh? It’s bad for the soul to bottle it in. I’m not gonna force you to share your darkest fears with me, I’m just saying that if you feel drained and wanna talk about it, I’m here to listen

myungjun pouts a little bit, he’s really touched?? it’s hard for him to share his troubles with others

like as much as he loves astro and is close to them, he doesn’t share his down sides with the boys as often as he should bc he never wants to burden them

myungjun just always thought it was easier to suppress the bad feelings and put on a happy act

but he couldn’t deny the weight lifted off his shoulders after telling you about his breakup

and maybe it was because your energies were on a different level lately, but he found it so?? easy?? to just vent to you after that

until competition, the two of you worked on faking like you were in love (basically imagining that each other was your favorite actor/actress or whatever, something like that)

it was good enough for the group to believe it lol

but what about the judges and audience hmmmmm

anyway, fast forward and it’s competition day!!

myungjun introduces you to his best friends aka the boysss aka astro

they come and support him for his competition ugh we love

you’re like smiling and hyper when you meet them

...has myungjun been rubbing off on you???

you: it’s so nice to meet you all! myungun always talks so highly of you

astro: huh?? you’re lying, myungjun hyung complimenting us???

and then they start messing and friendly bickering with each other and yes they’re teasing mj

you’re laughing bc it’s so cute?? you can see in their eyes and their smiles how much they really care about each other :’)

also astro, probably jin or eunwoo, maybe rocky: we’re sorry if m hyung has driven you to insanity these past few months of rehearsing

you just laugh as myungjun hits them: myungjun’s actually been like my partner in crime lately, so we’re all good :)

*cue the boys exchanging looks with each other*

you perform ah ha ha

alright, you were so used to thinking that myungjun was...idk kim soohyun or something bc mm chef’s kiss his acting...to get into the emotion of the song

but then during the actual performance you saw him as myungjun and like all the hard work and extra practices and late night talks came in full force and you were just...singing to him

and you notice how...handsome?? and charismatic?? myungjun really is...and the little sparkle in his eyes when he’s performing like...wow

and after your set, you’re just like shit, what the fuck was that??

your group doesn’t win though, you place second!

but you and myungjun get awarded best solo/duet of the entire competition

astro: ;)

your acapella group: ;)

the judges: ;)

alright so im a firm believer that if myungjun had feelings for someone, he would straight up tell them like balls to the wall full fucking send

after competition, the routine of school comes back. you occasionally hang out with myungjun outside of rehearsal

by occasionally, I mean once a week hangout with myungjun (and astro bc they started inviting you to their dinners)

and then one night – at midnight – he calls you like out of pocket and his tone is like completely serious

you’re a bit scared?? like: myungjun...is everything okay? did something happen?

mj: y/n...can I ask you something?

you: yeah, of course

mj: do you still think about your ex?

you: o_o um...honestly no, not really...why?

mj: well, if I’m being honest. y/n, I have feelings for you. And i’m not asking you to like me back or give me an answer straight away, but I just wanted to let you know. If you don’t think about your ex anymore, and if you think you’re ready...maybe you can consider thinking of me??

mmmmm kim myungjun you slick flirty dog grrr bark bark

and you know how he can just talk, and talk fast, so you’re still in the middle of processing this and he just goes on like

“sleep on it, y/n. I’ll see you soon for rehearsal, okay? good night”

like you don’t even have a chance to respond to him bc he just hangs up the phone

you think about it, of course you think about it, you’ve been thinking about it ever since competition

having feelings for myungjun has always been in the back of your mind since then

like did you notice that when you hung out with him, your heart would flutter if he said something sweet?? or if you two were a bit too close to each other?? 100%

but you didn’t know if either of you were ready for another relationship so it’s just been put on the back burner

at the next acapella practice, you find that your cheeks just flush whenever myungjun looks your way

the rehearsal went a bit??? weird?? like even your group noticed that there was a bit of a tension between you and myungjun

but of course, he goes up and talks to you after rehearsal ended and he’s like: hey...I’m sorry if my confession made you feel weird, I didn’t mean for that at all. If you want, we can just forget about what I said and stay friends! 

you just facepalm like: myungjun you idiot, I’m acting weird because I like you too. God, you know maybe the boys are right, maybe you need to shut your mouth for a little bit

and he whines like: hey!

but then he realizes what you said and he gives you the brightest smile: you mean it?? you like me back??

and you’re like shyly smiling now: yeah...I do...but do you want to take the next step?? I mean...do you think you’re ready for another relationship??

he gets like serious and he grabs your hand: not gonna lie, I don’t think I’ll ever be fully ready after my last one...but if there’s someone I wanna try it with, it’s you.

:’) kim !!! myung !!! jun !!!

dating myungjun?? the best thing ever

the cutest boy alive honestly

he has so much cute and goofy in him already with just friends and strangers

but with you, it’s increased tenfold

even you start to act cute and goofy after dating him

petnames?? bub and bubby

myungjun is not serious about a lot of things, but he is very serious about his feelings for you and your relationship

y’all take things at your own pace and he !! values !! consent !! even if it’s just like making out

he just doesn’t wanna mess things up with you :’)

the type of boyfriend to sing you to sleep ah !!! his voice is heaven alright

will be extra about pda in front of the guys to make them grossed out

and yes you get embarrassed, but myungjun’s too cute to scold

you get used to a lot of second-hand embarrassment dating him and being friends with the boys

but it’s just so endearing, you can’t even fight it

will swing your arms together when you’re out just walking

screams he’s so cute

you don’t really fight bc communicating with each other is one of the biggest things in your relationship

like if a disagreement or a situation comes up, you two are mature enough to talk it through and work things out bc you both already been knew what it’s like to be in a relationship that didn’t have full transparency

you do jokingly bicker about small things though (like think about how astro fights)

but he always ends fights by scooping you up in a hug and showering your face with kisses

loves kissing your nose

just imagine: you and myungjun cuddling and he just kisses your nose and you scrunch up your face and he just laughs and kisses you all over and you two end up giggling

will do anything to see a smile on your face, it’s the greatest sight to him

alright we been talking too much about how cute myungjun is

he’s also a hot motherfucker alright

the most attractive when he’s singing in your opinion

you know how charismatic he is, you’ve seen it first hand during rehearsal and performances

he’s very good at hiding his horniness, especially in public

but phew when you two are in private and myungjun’s in the mood

you can tell bc his eyes just get hazy and he immediately just starts kissing your neck

a very passionate lover, will prioritize your pleasure over his

sex with myungjun can go from being sweet and sensual, to fun and playful, to hot and exciting

by that...I mean that he is down to try every kink and position you can think of

as long as both of you are okay with it ofc

he’s one of the kinkiest members in astro im convinced

blindfolds? bondage? ice cubes? wax play?

you want it? you got it

he’s not into feet though, i apologize to my foot fetish lovers

his favorite position is actually missionary

myungjun loves being able to watch you and to see how good he’s making you feel

in missionary is when he feels the most connected to you, it’s just a passionate position

and yes he’s very vocal, so you betcha he encourages you to be vocal as well

will try to mess with you in a sense where say you two are hanging out with the guys, he’ll touch you and challenge you to not make a noise

and then he’ll snicker and wink at you if you even let out a peep

he’s a tease !!! like will edge you until you’re on the brink of cumming at least 3 times

myungjun has pretty good stroke game alright

very fluid with his hips, idk he just knows all the right spots to hit

praise...kink...that’s the tweet, need I say more

he’s into hair pulling !! both ways !! 

okay hear me out...myungjun fucking you and pulling your hair until your screaming and then after you both cum, he’s like: you hit a high f earlier bub! I almost wanted to harmonize with you but–

you: myungjun are you serious!

sex with him would always just be a fun time, like he’s hot and grrr it feels so good but there’s always a bit of laughing and joking around in the process

like he will tickle you before he puts his cock in you just to see the switch of you laughing to moaning

alright but shower sex?? he’s into that

and just the acoustics of both of your sounds in the bathroom?? it’s so filthy he loves it – and it’s easy to clean up afterwards

you bet that after any performance with your group, the two of you have sex, even if it’s just a quickie in an empty practice room or whatever

no shame, will kick the boys out or announce “we’re going to fuck bye!” if you or him get too horny in the middle of a hangout

im just gonna throw this out here...you and myungjun...mile high club

(your group competed in an acapella competition and the flight there...it just happened)

all in all, myungjun just wants to make you happy and feel good and smile, even if you two just finished an intense sex session

let’s get into the deep stuff though, you are the only person myungjun is comfortable with to not show a smile all the time

even with the boys, there’s always a small part of him that wants to just push through and be optimistic just so that they won’t worry

but with you, he knows that it’s okay to be sad and to be vulnerable :’)

when myungjun cries bc he’s upset :( fuck you cry too

he loves when you just hug him and stroke his hair when he’s stressed

very showy about your relationship, not bc he’s braggy, but bc he just wants to show the world how happy you make him and that he’s in love <3

the boys are so happy to see their eldest in love :’)

they don’t show it around each other, but they’ve come up to you in private and say sweet things like

“you make myungjun hyung so happy, he always brings joy to everyone but you bring joy to him, thank you”

im !! getting !! sentimental !!

the day you found out myungjun was in love with you was the day you met his parents

‘twas a bit spontaneous

his parents came to see one of your group performances and myungjun’s like holding your hand and leading you somewhere after you get off stage and he’s like “bub! these are my parents!”

you end up getting dinner with his family and yikes you were hella nervous, you were not expecting on meeting his parents right after your performance

not gonna lie, you thought he was leading you to the car for some post-performance sex

but they adored you, his parents could see how much you meant to their son ugh I cry

anyway, the L word

as you’re finishing dinner, myungjun’s all giddy and just like

“I’m so glad you came and watched mom and dad, the timing was perfect too! I wanted to introduce you to y/n for a while now and have you meet the person I love.”

and his parents are just smiling at you and saying how they’re so happy to finally meet you and how you have an amazing voice and to take care of myungjun and you’re !!! just !!! blushing !!!

as soon as you both got in the car after saying goodbye to his parents, he’s just like: hope I didn’t surprise you too much bubby, I didn’t know my parents were coming to watch until like an hour before we went on stage

you just give him a little smile: I was a bit caught off guard, but it’s okay. Your parents are so sweet, I see where you get it from bub.

myungjun: I can tell that they love you already! well of course not as much as I do, but with time I know they’ll come pretty close

and you’re blushing again, it’s the L word: do you mean it myungjun?

myungjun: that my parents love you?? of course–

you: no, bub...that you...love me?

myungjun: yeah...unless you don’t feel the same way–

you: myungjun! no, of course I do! I just wasn’t expecting the first time to hear it was with your parents

you two are laughing, ugh this man

after your giggles subside, he leans over from the driver’s seat and he just cups your cheek and pecks your nose: I love you y/n, thank you for reminding me what love feels like

you: I love you too myungjun

and then you two are just like sharing a sweet kiss in the parking lot of the restaurant before starting the drive back to his place

do you and myungjun make duets together for fun and post it?? yeah probably

you are the luckiest dating myungjun, the living breathing embodiment of serotonin and love

even when you two are older and out of college, he still gives you the same affection and attention and authenticity ugh he’s just amazing

im so sorry this was late but happy belated to our happy virus <3

3-12-21

[fastcarsgovroom]

Don’t really know what to make of still it but here goes (the Lando Norris issue) Pt 2

This is about the Lando Norris and Max Fewtrell (and other involved streamers) issue so you don't need to read it if it's not in your best interest to. I don’t know if this thing is supposed to have blown over or anything, but I’m posting because heck this is my blog and I want to post about things I think are in line with my personal philosophy (and maybe in-group).     

The entire rant is in five parts:  

Part 1 is where I describe very basically the entire situation, essentially what I saw happening through posts on the tumblr, twitter, and reddit Lando Norris tags  

Part 2 is me trying to describe why some fans felt what they felt and reacted the way they did  

Part 3 is the videos and what was said of them and how I interpreted them  

Part 4 the ‘misinformation’ idk

Part 5 is like, a rant.

Part 2: How people reacted

TW for talks about sex, sexism, and misogyny 

Under the cut

Fans reacted very differently to the whole situation, with some reacting after watching the clips, and some just from reading the posts. Very, very broadly, there were two opposing views:  

I. That the things said on the stream WERE offensive

The fans found that the way Lando and Max F talked about the women were sexist, misogynistic, disrespectful, and disgusting. General interpretations were that:

the women were objectified and viewed in terms of providing only sexual gratification;

the women' attention and companionship were pursued only for the end goal of sexual gratification;

the women and their companionship could be 'stolen', implying that they were viewed only as objects for sexual gratification;

some of the women were referred to as 'that [descriptor]', which further objectifies and dehumanizes them;

a female-coded interest (star signs) and by extension, women, were talked of dismissively; 

even if Lando did not outright say certain offensive things, Max F did, and Lando should not have stayed silent and by extension complicit; and

private matters from personal encounters (implied as sexual or romantic) were discussed on a public stream, even if details were kept vague.

II. That the things said on the stream WERE NOT (that) offensive

Other fans had different, more innocuous interpretations of the conversations, or could not identify specific offensive points that were mentioned. They found that: 

what was said in in the conversations were not particularly sexist, misogynistic, or disrespectful to women;

what was said in the conversations were not personally disturbing, distressing, or distasteful;

the conversations were harmless banter and 'locker room talk' among immature young men that, while can be distasteful, is not particularly harmful or offensive; 

even if the conversations were disrespectful and distasteful, it was not to a degree that warranted negative reactions or callouts;

Lando did not outright say some of the things attributed to him in the callout posts; and

the conversations were too vague and ambiguous to be interpreted as being particularly sexist, misogynistic, and disrespectful to women. 

Some context about young adults, sex, sexism and misogyny, or, why I get how people felt how they felt

Culturally, a lot of emphasis is placed on the importance of romantic relationships and sex in the human experience, especially for young adults. Often, romantic relationships are conflated with sex;

Young adults, especially men, are expected (and encouraged) to pursue sex. In some circles, young mens’ social worth is viewed in their ability to obtain sexual gratification (from women);

In this context, women – their presence, purpose, and worth – are often viewed and judged based primarily on their ability to provide sexual gratification (sexual objectification). As such, women’s own wants, needs, and personhood are dismissed in favor of their ability to provide sexual gratification;

In this context, men can view and treat female figures in their lives – relatives, friends, mentors, peers – with proper human decency and respect, but if they consider a woman outside these roles as a potential sexual or romantic partner, they may tend to view and treat the women only based on their ability to provide sexual gratification;

Sexually-charged language and objectification are so ingrained and normalized in our culture that the people who use it might not even be aware that what they are saying is problematic. Both women and men are socialized to think in these terms;

Women often receive sexually-charged abuse by men and are of course more aware of being objectified. There is nothing positive about being degraded and thought about as nothing but objects for sexual gratification. So of course (most) women are cautious and more able to detect abuse directed at them;

Because of how normalized and ‘harmless’ sexually-charged and objectifying language is, women are often dismissed as being ‘sensitive’ and ‘overreactive’ if they react unfavorably or speak up against such abuse;

At the same time, men who use sexually-charged and objectifying language might genuinely not think that their speech is harmful, because it’s so normalized. At the very least, they were never taught why and how such sexually-charged and objectifying language and speech is harmful, and in turn may get confused and defensive when confronted about things they said. 

These men (and some women) may be otherwise decent people who do not consider themselves sexist, because they do not do ‘obviously’ sexist things (e.g. physical or sexual violence against women, ‘obvious’ derogatory language, etc.) Being a sexist is bad, and since they generally consider themselves as good or nice people, they will get defensive when they are called sexist/misogynistic, without considering or understanding that the normalized sexist language is harmful.

None of this is to excuse men’s (and some women’s, in the context of this issue,) behavior, but to very briefly point out why I think ‘calling out’ or ‘educating’ by stating outright a speech / behavior is misogynistic and sexist might be met with defensiveness. 

Why Lando in particular (and some value judgement from me)

A lot off people found issue in how fast fans were to judge, express disappointment and disgust, and call out (and ‘cancel’) Lando, especially if other drivers on the grid had done what they consider similarly misogynistic and sexist things (and some even worse *ehemmazepinehem*).

Personally, I think it’s down to a few things (caveat: personal interpretation. I might be wrong):

Lando presents this wholesome, ‘nice guy’ image, as who is generally respectful and thoughtful when it comes to people. He looks young, boyish, and has a vague ‘family friendly’ feel to him and, perhaps, ‘safe’. When it comes out that he may have said things that were disrespectful and derogatory to women (in a very familiar, misogynistic way) that did not jive with this image, fans felt disappointed, attacked, and deceived. 

Lando has a very wide audience and younger-skewing fans; people felt that his discussing of what appears to be personal, sexual encounters in a public space, was very inappropriate and harmful, exposing the younger fans to inappropriate behavior, harmful ideas, and setting a bad example;

The ghosts of Dubaigate (a whole other rant, this one), that sort of blew over but was never forgotten. Fans felt that Lando was being deceitful by not disclosing his location and purpose for being in Dubai, insensitive, selfish, and ignorant for traveling, and then getting Covid (but still not outright saying he was in Dubai). That people were quickly back to worrying about him and then being excited for more Lando content when he reappeared with amusing, engaging, and generally inoffensive things, having seemingly brushed the entire Dubai and Covid transgression off, did not sit well with many fans. 

I don’t think I’m going to write about fans’ reactions beyond this right now, because that’ll be another college-essay-length rant. 

Part 3

[nirvhannahcornell]

Firstly I would like to mention this is NOT the real nirvhannahcornell, this is a burner account made to call out her questionable and horrible actions. The real nirvhannah is known now as “josiebelladonna” and can be found here: @josiebelladonna​. She changed her URL and didn’t save this one so I jumped on the golden opportunity. 

Some of you may be familiar with Hannah, you’ve probably seen her around on your dash, in the tags of your favorites. She’s there posting fanart and fanfiction, it seems all like harmless fun on the surface. But deep below there’s a grim fuckin reality, a reality no one is talking about. We’ve all sat back and watched her hellish meltdowns. Picking fights with her “fans” because they like her post opposed to reblogging them, getting in public squabbles with her friends over petty shit. We’ve sat back and stayed silent, but I’m not staying quiet any longer. I’ve tried sending her asks to explain herself and without fail every time she’s said tumblr fuckin “ate them” so the next best thing was a public callout. Let’s see the matrix glitch this shit.

The perfect place to begin with her fucking crimes have to be how she tries to push the idea that she’s mixed. I’m fully aware it’s fucked up to call someone’s race to attention like this, and I definitely wouldn’t be if she wasn’t completely faking and tossing racial slurs around like her lilywhite ass can claim them. To my knowledge and to the research I’ve done, Hannah isn’t mixed. Her dad and brother are fully white and so is she. She’s tried to claim having “african blood” and “native american blood” (of course she says I*dian but we’ll get into that later), but from what I’ve seen there is no “african blood”, I’m 100% sure she did a test on ancestry.com and saw she was .0000001% african american and decided to call herself mixed. The “native american blood” she claims to have is ALLEGEDLY from her great grandfather, but I’d take that fact with a grain of salt because she seems to be a compulsive liar.

(Note how her racist ass unabashedly says I*jun for everyone to see. But it’s okay guys, she’s 1/64th Native American!)

(Here she is claiming to be mixed race. Notice how she says “I*dian roots” and “African Blood”. That shit busted as fuck like what the fuck does she even…)

(Here’s some more posts claiming to have “black heritage” and then somehow making it about how Joey “talked about her” on a podcast. (I’ll get into that too (: )

This isn’t the first instance of her using racial slurs publicly for you me and god to see. We’re all looking and I wish I couldn’t see. Here’s a few examples. 

(“My I*jun boy” “I*jun orange” I literally cannot make this bullshit up.)

(“My I*dian beauty” “my favorite I*dian'' (she is also grungeandmetalfanfics btw!!))

She claims she can say these things, I guess because she’s .0000000004% Native American! Makes it a-OK! I guess because she has “African Blood” she can say the N-Word then? No? Oh well, she did it anyway! 

(Her argument, I’m guessing, is she can say I*jun because Joey (an actual Native American man) says it. Which makes no fucking sense because shes fucking white she can’t say it.)

If this wasn’t insane enough. As if it could possibly get even more horrible. She is overall just genuinely a bad person. If you ever supported her art with a like, you would know. Because apparently that shit peeves the fuck out of her. Even though you’re showing your support she loses her fucking mind when you don’t reblog anything she’s produced. (I don’t blame you it’s shit anyways) And then tries to guilt all of her followers into reblogging her shit. It’s manipulative and horrible. 

(this didn’t last of course she's too full of herself to stay away.) 

Note how she makes it seem like she was blessing us with her content. Did you know she existed before this? She plagues fandom tags with her shitty fanart and fanfiction thinking we should bow to her and be fucking blessed with her presence. Maybe we should, she claims to have a fond relationship with Chris Cornell!

Oh.. Wait…

(one of the 2 interactions she had with him, both pertaining to fanart she drew. He would do this often, respond to fans and their fanarts. This is nothing special)

(Her dad calling her out on her delusions) 

Don’t let her fool you. Her and Chris Cornell didn’t know each other, they weren’t friends. Chris had no clue who she was beyond the fanart she made for him. She’s literally so deep in this fantasy she’s insane enough to think she could’ve prevented Chris’ suicide. 

(She also believed ben shepherd was in love with her. She sent him a letter and he didn’t respond. Apparently he owed something to her because she opened up to him via letter and, as you would expect a famous person who definitely has someone who goes through their mail for them, he didn’t respond. I don’t know how in the FUCK she ever got the idea that he was in love with her. I don’t know what in the FUCK is wrong with her. She eventually got pissed because she found out he had a kid with his girlfriend? And apparently he was supposed to tell her? She’s fucking delusional look into that if you want, I don’t have enough time or evidence for that one, it’s certainly a lot.) 

A new installment in her delusions is the infamous Jasta Show feat. Joey Belladonna. It’s a 2+ hour long podcast where they mostly talk about the pandemic and what not, current events going on. Allegedly, in this podcast, Joey says Hannah’s name. 

I sat through the entire podcast (Joey says holy cow about 5 fucking times) and timestamped at 106:58 they start talking about Chris Cornell. To which Joey says “oh, we talked about him yesterday because some girl was drawing some stuff- she liked him a lot. and I thought about him too.” Nonspecific. Plain. There’s no fireworks or warmth or whatever the fuck. He mentions that and moves on. I’ve timestamped it for you all, the podcast is free to listen to, you can all listen to it yourself. (The Jasta Show 517 Joey Belladonna) Unless her name is “some girl” there was no name drop. 

(no one gave a shit because it wasn’t that big of a fucking deal “some girl”) 

Don’t let her fool you with her delusions. She also makes it seem like her and Krista (Joey’s wife) are friends when really Krista likes most all posts that are #joeybelladonna on Instagram. They aren’t close, they aren’t buddies or whatever the fuck. 

(Here’s that one shit she keeps talking about raw fucking format or some shit idk it’s a fucking side project Joey started that’s probably not even Joey messaging her they have 140 something followers I don’t even feel like getting into this dumbassery. Fucking clown.)

If you aren’t convinced enough in her insanity. Hannah has literally used Cliff’s accident as a plotpoint in her shitty fanfiction. Yes,that's right. She’s used Cliff Burton’s real life tragic accident as a plotpoint in a fanfiction with Joey and Lars. Not only did she do that, but she shoehorned Joey into the fucking accident. Like they’re all fictional characters. It’s fucking vile and insensitive. 

(The fucking post she linked was the infamous pic of Lars, James and Kirk after the accident)

In conclusion, Hannah is batshit crazy. She’s insane. She wants us to believe she’s mixed because she’s obsessed unhealthily with Joey Belladonna and wanting to look and be like him. She wants us to believe she’s friends with all of these musicians, that they’re in love with her. That they were close. None of this is true. She’s just a lying, rude, self centered, fucking psychotic bitch and if you know her I’d suggest staying away. 

Not even her fucking friend wants to be involved.

[koolkvat-blog]

       hello  loves  ,   what’s  up  !   i’m  super  excited  to  be  here  &  to  finally  play  my  precious girl  ,   jade aka kool kat   .   i’m  LOLA  ,   use  she / her prounouns  ,   i am NINETEEN  ,   &   i  am  currently  in  the  gmt + 1 timezone  which  means  yes  ,  my  ass should’ve  been  awake  for  intro  posting  but  i  don’t  know  what  time  management  is  and  ended  up  swamped  w/  work  ,  so  !   everything   you  need  to  know  about  about  miss  kat  is  under  the  cut  ,   &  i’m  rlly  thrilled  to  be  apart  of  such  a  wonderful  rp  with  such  gorgeous  muses  .  corniness over  ––   if  you’re  looking  to  plot  sumn  out  ,   just  hit  that   ♥︎    &   i’ll  make  my  way  on  over  to  ur  dms  ,  or  feel  free  to  add  me  up   on  discord  which  i’ll  give  in im’s  if  anybody’s  interested  !   ♡♡♡         tw  :   family issues  ,  body image issues  &  drug mention  ( not  explicit ) . 

001 . SYNOPSIS  . FULL     NAME  .      jade        kikuchi . NICKNAMES  .      kool kat    . AGE  .      twenty - one . DATE     OF     BIRTH  .      twenty  -  seventh     of     september   ,     1993      /     libra . PLACE     OF     BIRTH  .      harajuku ,   tokyo ,     japan .         GENDER  .       cisgender     female . SEXUALITY  .     (  closeted  )  pansexual  . NATIONALITY  .      japanese  ,  now  american  too  after  successfully  gaining  citizenship  . ETHNICITY  .      asian  . OCCUPATION  .       fashion designer at katz designz      ,     former  fashion  design  and  journalist  student  back  in  her  original  timeline  . PLAYLIST  .      here  !  (  +  )     charismatic , enthusiastic , warm , energetic , adventurous , compassionate , animated . (  -  )     deceptive ,  independent ,  emotional , territorial , ambitious , impulsive , temperamental , insecure , sarcastic .  

002 . AESTHETIC  .      wheatgrass  smoothies , 90′s  anime  with  subtitles  , chanel  no. 5, speeding  on  a  desert  road  with  the  windows  down ,  painting  your  toenails  on  the  dashboard ,  neon  prints ,  cat  lazing  on  a  balcony  in  the  sun , black  lace ,  japanese  horror  films  ,  sour  cocktails  with  sugar  around  the  rim , half - smoked  cigarettes ,  stacks  of  fashion  magazines , long  hair  hastily  dyed  different  colours in  a  motel  bathroom ,  thrift  stores   .

003. INFORMATION  .

tl;dr : a flighty, inattentive adventurer: a follower of whims; personable and sociable but lacks the skills to maintain relationships because she’s entirely (and perhaps too) career focused, checks her horoscope daily and entirely relies on the stars when concerning relationships, epitome of a britney spears / gwen stefani stan back in the 2000′s, still owns a (bedazzled) flip phone, collector of vintage fashion (chanel, elle, juicy couture etc.) a subscriber to the Leonardo Da Vinci sleeping method; catch her at 2 am making soufflés or buying plane tickets to shiwei so she can really experience the culture: will tell you she loves you ten minutes after first introduction because she’s high: kind of unintentionally insensitive to those she doesn’t know and closed off but in like a cool, lovable way. 

•    heads up im running on like 5 hrs sleep so sry when this inevitably derails ! ok sweet let’s get into this . 

•    so as aforementioned this is jade kukichi, aka, kool kat. she was dubbed that by her friends due to her unique fashion style and sense of dress, and it’s stuck. lbr nobody other than her friends can use that term so if you do, she’s just going to stare at u for a quick sec before saying ‘it’s jade’. 

•    born in harajuku, tokyo to a cardiothoracic surgeon of a father and a politician of a mother, jade grew up traveling the world and becoming flighty af, never thinking she was going to make long - term friends and kinda being okay with that. 

•    her family has never stayed in one place for very long, though her aging parents eventually settled into a permanent residence in the us around the time she turned sixteen, not soon enough for jade to break the habit of wandering, but thankfully quick enough for her to meet the bratz girls who were just as adventurous and fun - loving as she. she's spent much of her teen life jumping from place to place wherever her interests are that moment, collecting people along the way, but to find friends was the only thing she was missing. jade has a brilliant mind, but she lacks patience and follow through. she needs guidance or she'll jump from idea to idea, job to job, whim to whim.

•    ngl, jade pretty much hated her home life. her parents were an overbearing presence in her life, her mother wanting jade to be a proper lady who also went into a profession like theirs (entirely serious and stifling when it came to creativity, doctor, politician, lawyer etc.) while jade herself wanted to check out the latest trends and go to the mall w her friends – so she turned all of her focus and energy into getting good grades in everything she wanted to do in the hopes that she could be the most successful fashion designer, then leaving town forever. 

•    like she spent 7 yrs in high school graduating w honours but she barely knew what was happening in 9/10 of her classes and sometimes she just slept through classes and then wing her exams which she miraculously did well at. it was just not a good idea to send jade to a public school at 11 after being in boarding school for the rest of her life and then never really enforce any rules :~\ she has trouble with that kind of thing.. as in making logical choices instead of saying "YEAH lets go watch american psycho and smoke weed!" skipping chemistry to do just that 

•    she loves fun and values doing what makes her happy over most things. it's hard to pin her down and she spends most of her life chasing after ideas that don't really follow any sort of conscious order, bc she’s really got that ‘i’ve got dreams and i’m gonna do everything in my power to achieve them’ personality. 

•    according to bratz canon she’s worked as literally everything ? she’s one of those insufferable people who r just. good everything ig and that’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth. jade’s been a photographer, a song - writer and bass player in a rock band (shout out to bratz rock angelz the best movie w the best soundtrack ever), a student studying fashion design, a fashion columnist, a quickly fired nanny, and many other things in between. 

•    so when she appears in toonsville she’s kind of out of it that she’s not doing something w her skills and sets up her own business which she loves ? being her own boss suits her fine (for now) because she’s got a Real Job and she's actually trying rly hard so she can fulfill her dreams !! like suck it mom nd dad haha !!!

•    jade has a lot of weird feelings TM about her body and her looks and struggles a lot with her self confidence :~( she had a shit time at school with boys saying she was too thin and she compensated by acting like she didn't like anyone at all for a while and now she thinks she isn't good enough for anyone when rly she is a cinnamon bun too good for this world too pure 

•    best friend ever she is so good at being a friend if u text her at 3am to go out or cry on her shoulder shes ready to go at 3:15 even if she was sleeping w lots of snacks and treats and love!!! she is sooo extroverted around those she’s comfortable w, she gains so much energy from being around people and she loves being nice and being around ppl she likes 

•    she becomes the mom of groups pretty easily (hence why she’s the leader of the bratz) bc she bottles up most of her own problems to help ppl with theirs!! which is toxic yea but she puts people first always so !! plz help her poor repressed soul!! rip kool kat.. 

•    still super into the stuff of her time so like.. she loves the x files and bad reality tv shows (i want to be a hilton) and reads gossip magazines on the reg because she enjoys that stuff! also very into girl groups.. ginger spice / posh spice is an eternal mood.  

•    anyway yes sweet adult-child of 21 (she is in denial about that tho like she doesn't want to be childish) who is v nice v kind v loyal v baked a lot of time, v passionate v silly. idk what i'm doin hope u like it < 3

004. WANTED CONNECTIONS . 

friends / best friends / ride or dies . jade genuinely loves people, loves talking to strangers and getting into intense conversations with people she’s only just met, learning other people’s way of life and bettering herself for getting. she is, however, incredibly blunt and has never once minced words to keep from hurting someone’s feelings or to ease them into a situation. she’d much rather have a one-time conversation with a stranger than make long lasting relationships. she has three very close friends –  to the point of co - dependence –  and honestly, she’d rather spend all of her time doing things she loves such as her hobbies, sticking her nose into the latest vogue, or searching for cute collars and treats for her cat mica w them instead of making new friends. she's also FUN and she'd be happy to go on crazy road trips or buy out a movie theater for a day or anything that she thinks will her buds happy. she's traveled all over, so she’s v well read and cultured. she loves people but she hates complication and won't deal with any sort of emotional labor. she wants to live in the moment and expects everyone in her life to do so as well. just be chill, y'all. 

frenemies / enemies /  rivals  . please be her enemy, she needs people to antagonize shdhshd. she grew up pretty much affluent so she’s pretty spoiled even if she doesn’t want to admit it, and that rebellious side of her hasn’t died down yet. despite the fact that she is wealthy and in good community standing, she has a hard time letting go of childish grudges. in general she’s got a lot of suppressed feelings and ready to fight everyone who hurts her friends – like an irritated cat – so, honestly, come at her ? she is sometimes a little fickle and flighty and a unintentionally stuck up when it comes to art / fashion and she has definitely said the wrong thing at the wrong time and pissed the wrong people off, she can’t stand anyone underestimating her or thinking she’s dumb bc she’s interested in fashion. like gtfo !

ex’s , fwb’s , possible love interests .  jade is fairly fluid romantically and is the type of person who hates labels but also just wants to be cherished and called cute pet names lowkey. she loves a lot and gives a lot to her relationships, but typically doesn't want to commit to anything important. she’s gone from one disastrous relationship to another, ending up with a boyfriend who constantly ridiculed her image that was essentially the catalyst for her cutting off romantic ties, quite a recent wound before she found herself on the island actually. worst thing is tht she’s convinced herself that she’s been the problem in these relationships –  that she turns good people bad or that she is too much for people to deal with, she’s not sure what the issue is and she doesn’t really want to know. so…. fuck everything amirite ? anyway, she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no (wo)man. 

etc . pls give me people jade can give a makeover to, people she shares an apartment w on the island, people who think fashion is girly and vapid.. creatives who love what she’s doing, anything tbh << 3

[fuyuhikoismybabygansta]

Hiya! What about the boys with an online friend/crush/s.o. who suddenly stops talking and just dissapears for around a month before coming back and admitting that they had tried to commit suicide? (Sorry for such a dark topic aha,,)

Ah, how I love this prompt! I put my all into it, so I apologise if it’s a little long, heh. Although I’m not sure what you meant by ‘the boys’, I’m assuming the V3 boys. If you wanted a different cast, please feel free to request again and I will rewrite it for you. Apologies.

Ask is under the cut, due to being long and potentially triggering. Dark topics, reader beware.

Saihara Shuuichi✎

He didn’t usually go on the internet.

It was strange, why did these people all talk like they knew each other?

Of course, some may actually be planning to meet but… he found it all a bit surreal.

Then, you contacted him.

He was very wary at first, he knew you could be anyone.

Then, you started getting closer and he started trusting you.

Then, it got to the point where you were FaceTiming almost daily.

You were the only person that made him laugh every day and feel happy being himself.

Then, you stopped existing in his life.

He kept messaging, calling… messaging again, calling again.

Always, ALWAYS the beep and the voicemail.

A response text never came.

You never came online.

Though what he found odd was that you hadn’t blocked him.

He was starting to become desperate and that’s when he realised he had a crush on you and boy, what a bad time to realise.

That only made it hurt more.

Then, he saw you typing one day.

He’d almost forgotten about you, it had been 3 weeks since your last message.

You stop typing and just before he gives up hope, you video call him.

You’re… in a hospital?

He’s crying and he doesn’t know why.

He cannot stop crying.

You’re crying too and people are crowding around you, asking why.

Then he realises… you’re in hospital.

The absence, the lack of communication… the hospital… people asking why you were upset… your expression.

You had… you had tried, hadn’t you?!

He could ALWAYS tell there was something else to you.

Occasionally, you would just… show signs.

He hangs up the call, texts ‘I’m coming’. 

Within the next day, he’s there with you.

Amami Rantaro❂

He is kind of a very big deal on the internet.

After all, he has an Instagram account that is often mistaken for a modelling account.

He often has business offers because of how attractive he is and he always has to explain ….. that he’s not a professional model???

One day, he got a completely normal PM from you.

You were absolutely stunning.

WAY better looking than him.

He IMMEDIATELY asked if you were getting the pesky PMS from businesses too.

He was surprised when you said no, you had never heard of such a thing.

How??

You’re actually the best-looking person he’s ever seen?

He has full trust in you immediately.

You talk for a few weeks, constantly.

It’s always you, he ignores all the other messages.

You’ve helped him grow as a person.

But then you’re gone.

It’s been weeks.

Nearly a month, actually.

He’s gone back to being a lot more… boring.

He was extravagant before but now…

But now, he’s just back to normal.

He’s stopped posting.

If you can’t see it, there’s nobody else he cares enough about…

Then, you message him again!

You say that things happened and you… may or may not have tried to kill yourself.

He’s shocked, why would YOU of all people?

You were a literal ray of sunshine…

He does his best to help but he can’t help the hurt.

Kiibo✪

He… does not know what he’s doing.

All the buttons don’t make sense and websites keep asking him to ‘prove he’s not a robot’.

He’s honestly a little offended.

When he visits websites, he does NOT sign up for them to instantly be shamed.

He thinks there should be more robot pride around the internet…

So, he just resorts to posting a message saying…

“Could somebody please help with the internet, I do not understand anything.”

So, you DM him, complimenting his ‘shitpost’.

He gets a little bit huffy at this.

“Are you saying my post is bad? I genuinely do not understand… are you robophobic?”

You’re a bit concerned.

Is this person you’re talking to actually okay-

Are they robotkin or-

You ask him to send a picture of himself, just casually.

He doesn’t find it strange, so he does. 

He’s… holy shit.

He’s a robot.

You’re so excited and start asking a million questions, not realising you’re offending him.

Then, a beautiful friendship starts… and then more.

Kiibo makes an awful attempt at asking you out.

He says that a long distance relationship would a struggle, but he’s a robot so he can deal with it!

You say yes, and that’s the last time you log in.

He’s always checking on you, thinking you’ve ditched him because he’s a robot.

He accepts it eventually and forgets about you.

When you come back online and tell him what had happened, he’s shocked.

So that’s why… 

He tries to comfort you in any way possible and ends up asking his professor to let him see you.

The professor pays for your tickets and gets you down to him as soon as possible.

You’re overjoyed and the happiest you’d been for years.

Kaito Momota✯

You had met on Tumblr.

Kaito had a space blog and one day, you messaged him saying you loved the content.

You started talking more from there, though it annoyed you how OBSESSED with space he was.

You started to like him and then, you asked him out.

Then, you two gained a reputation around Tumblr.

The LITERAL star-crossed lovers.

Actually star-crossed because you know, space blog.

Then, you change your blogs to match each other.

It’s the sappiest thing ever but it’s what happiness feels like.

Then, you end up getting too overexcited.

You accidentally tell your parents about dating Kaito and they treat you awfully for it.

They go on about online dating and its dangers for months and it makes you consider.

What if Kaito isn’t who he says he is?

Meanwhile, on his side, he has NO idea about any of this.

So when you mysteriously disappear, your entire fanbase and ESPECIALLY him are distraught.

Eventually, your fame falls dead but Kaito still remembers.

Then, one day you come back.

All the fame is gone, everything has mellowed down.

You explain everything to him and he feels awful for not realising, though he couldn’t have known.

Your Tumblr fame is never as big as it was before, but it comes back.

Though it’s less crazy this time and you’re content.

You two both love each other very much and that’s all that matters.

Gonta Gokuhara✿

How do use internet-

He’s very confused and doesn’t know where to BEGIN.

Though, he knows how to search on google.

First, he searches where he can talk to people about bugs. 

He finds a chatroom for people who like bugs.

He is then SPAMMED with messages asking rather… inappropriate questions.

It was one of those sites, where anyone could message anything.

He then found a different website.

It was much better!

Good for a gentleman!

Then, he met you…

You were amazing!

You told Gonta everything he needed to know about the internet and listened to him when he ranted about bugs!

Though, you thought his caveman-esque speech was text talk…

Oh no, when you video called, you were a little thrown back by his voice.

AND his appearance.

You were expected a meek, nerdy bug boy.

Instead, you got an oddly handsome, muscular giant man.

So, he wasn’t mucking about with his speech then.

You ask why, a little insensitively, but you were confused.

He tells you his story and he’s honestly the coolest guy you’ve ever met.

Then, you’re gone after a few weeks of talking.

Gonta takes this the worst out of any of the guys…

He’s distraught.

He actually CRIES over this.

Real life tears… for hours.

Then, he kind of forgets about you, though he still hurts.

You were better than any real-life person Gonta had met and now you were gone.

Maybe, you didn’t like him… and nope, you’re back now.

You explain EVERYTHING, knowing Gonta wouldn’t guess by himself.

He’s shocked??

But then he starts breaking down, asking why, over and over.

Didn’t you want to live for him?

If not, BUGS, at least?!

Or just live for the sakes of living and finding a better way to live life??

You can’t get it through to him and contact gets less and less.

Then, you talk about monthly.

It’s still nice to talk to him occasionally, though…

It still hurts. 

You’re both always crying over the same cause, yet you don’t know why.

Ouma Kokichi♕

Just about anyone can guess where you picked this one up.

Of course, on Reddit.

Why was he still on Reddit in this day and age?

“idk why i’m still here but boy i’m living it hmu with good shit”

Immediately, you thought he was a keeper.

Though, he pissed you off at times.

You find it amusing to imagine the number of people over on Tumblr have made callout posts on him.

Like actual legitimate ones.

You were a little shy to approach him at first…

He kinda seemed out of your league.

You know, the feeling when you want to fit in with someone who’s also a memelord, like you, but you feel like you’re too low-level meme for them?

Yeah, that kinda thing.

It took you weeks but you eventually hit send on that DM.

His first intention was to mess you up but then he kinda started to like you.

He opened up to you and you two switched from Reddit boards to Tumblr DMS and then to texting and FaceTiming.

It was like an actual relationship… but friends.

Then, he asked you out.

He meant it, too.

You said yes, thrilled to be going out with someone like him.

Automatically, your online reputation went to rock bottom.

People tried SO HARD to get you to break up with him.

Then one day, he called you, crying.

Not fake crying, like the usual, either.

Actually crying.

He’s sick of everyone wanting to ruin his life, he just likes having a bit of fun.

He says he wouldn’t be surprised if you left one day due to some ‘abuse’ callout post.

You try to comfort him but nothing works.

He mutters goodnight and then hangs up.

He doesn’t speak for months.

Then, you leave too.

He comes back and sees you’re gone.

Of course.. gone.

You come back a month later and you both admit the same thing.

You had both tried to commit suicide.

You don’t know how to comfort each other, so you just leave it.

You book some plane tickets and you take a picture and show him.

Now he’s crying again because he’s so happy.

He tries to cover it up by saying it was fake but you can tell, it wasn’t.

Hopefully.

Korekiyo Shinguuji✞

He’s on a literary site, of course.

Then, he contacts you.

He admires your work and he messages you, praising your work.

You’re thrilled, but you don’t personally talk for another few weeks.

Then, you suggest talking more.

He agrees, he was hoping you’d come forward anyway.

He tells you about his anthropology job and you admit that you don’t do anything.

It’s mostly small talk, but he develops feelings for you.

You’re such an elegant person, in the way you pen your work and in the way you converse with him.

You two have audio called a few times, your voice is deep, monotoned and has a slight… characteristic to it that he can’t put his finger on. 

It’s kind of a snobby tone, but… not with snobby intent?

He talks to you more after those calls… he even tries opening up a little, though very vaguely.

It’s hard for him to talk to you openly.

You’re way above him.

He doesn’t even regularly release works.

It’s you he looks up to and he knows you see him as an underling.

You’re way more mature than he is, despite how he makes himself out to be.

You’re the wise one, he’s just… there.

He notices that you stop coming on one day.

Days pass, no sign.

So much for daily updates on your creations, hm?

Then weeks.

This is getting odd, maybe time to message you.

He asks if you’re alright, but again, subtly.

He does not want to seem clingy towards his literary elder.

Then… a month.

He’s really getting concerned now.

He starts letting loose a little bit.

He starts writing more, maybe in the hopes, you’ll come back.

Maybe it was his lack of work that drove you away from the site…

Perhaps you had moved sites.

He looked for you everywhere.

On every possible site, even the… lower class social media platforms.

No, nothing active.

A few accounts from years ago…

It was heartbreaking, actually. 

Pictures of you as a child…

You always had this elegant aura about you… but before then, just a normal child.

Cute, innocent and wanting the most out of the world.

Tears…?

Yes, tears… they were there.

When you came back, he barely reacted.

You told him about everything but…

And, he wanted to be there for you in such a time of need….

But he was so numb.

Those he loved always left and let his emotions die out.

Then, he deactivated his account.

He never told you how he felt.

He didn’t care anyway…

Hoshi Ryoma☯

You two both meet on an anonymous chat site.

It’s short and simple.

You two become good friends over some time.

You always seem to find each other by asking ‘Is this S/O?’ or “Is this Hoshi?”

Then, you moved platforms.

Multiple times actually.

Many times.

As the internet kept updating, so did your contact.

Anon chats.

More anon chats.

Not-so anon chats.

Forums.

Facebook.

Kik.

Messenger.

Skype.

Discord.

Snapchat and Instagram.

You two talked all the time.

He vented to you, all the time.

You vented to him, all the time.

You relied on each other for emotional support and that was it…

But you didn’t feel the spark.

He had mentioned he wouldn’t mind dating you but… you didn't feel it.

Then, the talk of dating became more and he tried making moves on you…

Though, he swiftly apologised after each time.

He knew he wasn’t worth someone like you.

Then, you kind of doubted his identity.

He seemed too… desperate, for a depressive teenager.

Was he really one of those internet predators…?

You asked about it and he broke down.

He explained that life has been really bad and he isn’t sure how to handle everything.

He’s a little desperate for emotional support and you feel terrible.

When you say a little… you’re lying.

Then, you log off for the night.

The next night turns into a week…

then a month…. and you try to.

Real life things have gotten in the way… so you try to end it all.

Then, it fails.

You wake up.

You’re in the hospital.

So… it didn’t work.

Well, you might as well tell Ryoma… nothing left to do, anyway.

You came back to a message from, saying that he knew what you’d done and that he’d done the same.

Only he knew how to succeed.