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greensaplinggrace · 3 years ago

Note

So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.

@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/

Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra

@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^

Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?

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Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.

I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.

They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.

It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.

Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:

Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).

This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.

But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.

The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.

Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.

Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:

Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me. Nadia: Worst part is, it worked. Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.

Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.

Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,” Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.

Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.

And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.

Because why else would she say this?:

Alina: We planned to run away together. Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?

Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.

In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?

Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.

So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.

And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.” Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.

Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:

The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.

...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?

Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.

First of all, show wise. What the fuck.

Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha. Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him. Aleksander: I won a war for him. Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.

I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.

Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer? Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me. Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.

Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.

Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”

Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.

It pisses me the fuck off.

Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine. Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.

Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?

Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.

Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.

So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.

First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.

There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.

Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.

She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I��m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.

Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??

#shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #anti leigh bardugo #anti baghra #baghra critical #sab spoilers #demon in the wood spoilers #aleksander morozova #sab meta #the darkling #fandomcourse #myramblings #leigh bardugo critical #mymetas #anti darklina bs #please dont hate me for this #aaahhhh now im worried #Yikes

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neroushalvaus · 4 years ago

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Top 10 favourite characters from any fandom

I was tagged by @limalepakko , thank you! Since I have recently listed male characters here (or you know, in August, but we all know time hasn't been a thing for many moons), I took the liberty to list characters in general this time. I also went with which characters feel right at the moment, so does not show all my favourites. I also try to keep these short. (edit: okay so these are not remotely short, I will post a list first and have the explanations be under the cut, read if you want to hear my ramblings c': )

1. Fantine, Les Misérables 2. Javert / Jean Valjean, Les Misérables (yes i am cheating) 3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black 4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple 5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale 6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies 7. Rock Lee, Naruto 8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey 9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E 10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

1. Fantine, Les Misérables

I love Fantine with all my heart. I remember reading Les Mis for the first time and her story sending chills down my spine. Her character development makes me so sad, from a girl who falls hard and fast and won't deny anything from her lover, to a woman who is so beaten down by society that she can't do anything but laugh at her fate. But I love how she doesn't lose her pride or her fighting spirit and how she still has the guts to spit in Valjean's face when she sees him after being arrested. And I love how all she does is for her daughter and how despite selling "the gold on her head and the pearls in her mouth" she is content, because all that matters to her is that Cosette will live.

2. Javert & Jean Valjean, Les Misérables

I was really trying to limit this list to one character per fandom, but alas, I am but a weak little person. Thus, I am cheating already. The thing is that when it comes to Les Mis characters, Fantine, Javert and Valjean are the eternal top 3 for me, but I'm never quite able to say who I love the most. Last time I picked Javert for the male character meme because I love the symbolism and critique of society his character embodies, but let it be known that Jean Valjean is the best character in all of literature and I will fight you on this. The original soft on crime icon (aside from Jesus Christ but they're the same and you know it). Valjean's character journey is such a complicated one from an ordinary man (no worse than any man) to a person, who had been shaped by society and criminal justice system to be a very dangerous man, to someone you could compare to a saint if you wanted to... To an ordinary man, who would do anything for his daughter. He has so many character-defining moments, the biggest ones being in my opinion the trial of Champmathieu and letting Javert go instead of killing him. I just love Jean Valjean so much and could speak about him for hours.

3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black

Hopping away from the Les Mis hole and into a OITNB hole. I was debating on whether I'd put Boo or Pennsatucky on this list since I love them both so much, but I've been feeling so much love for my angry butch king that it had to be her. First of all, I'm just so happy to see butch lesbian representation where the butch identity is not just a joke. I know OITNB sometimes uses Boo questionably, but in general she is a nuanced character and one of the most interesting ones in the series in my opinion. I'm so sad they forgot all about her on the last seasons. I love everything about her, how she has trouble with feelings besides anger and often deflects serious stuff through humor, how fiercely protective she is of those she loves (boosatucky otp forever fucking fight me), how proud she is of her butch identity ("i refuse to be invisible")... Also, not to express attraction, but... Mama I'm in love with a criminal. And not to be a slut for how characters view religion/spirituality/God, but the relieved smile she has in one of her flashbacks when she says "there's no God... there's nothing", like you can't just do stuff like that and expect me not to love the character to bits.

4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple

Last time I listed Poirot and was a bit frustrated I couldn't list Marple, but now it's time to right that wrong! I love this little old lady so much. I love Agatha Christie so much for just going "you know who is the person who knows everything that's going on in a community, and thus would make the perfect detective for a detective story? the nosy old woman". As she is introduced in The Murder at the Vicarage: "Miss Marple is a white-haired old lady with a gentle, appealing manner — Miss Weatherby is a mixture of vinegar and gush. Of the two Miss Marple is much more dangerous." She is so likable and witty, you can't help but love her. My favourite portrayal of her is by Geraldine McEwan, she looks so gentle but has such a sharp gaze. I would spill all my secrets to her any day. I also am compelled to tell you that when I was a child we had a costume party at my school and I dressed up as Marple and learned some old lady things in English (it was before third grade so I didn't know much English back then) just for the occasion (such as "thank you, my dear", "what a lovely necklace you are wearing" or "there has been a murder"). Teacher might have thought me rather morbid but I remember that day being quite good.

5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale

The Handmaid's Tale is such a great series and a book and Aunt Lydia is such a great character. The way she's capable of being absolutely cruel and vicious, but how she is also protective and caring in her own way. One of my favourite scenes in this series is when Serena Joy (my other favourite, can you tell) tells Lydia to "remove the damaged ones" from a line of handmaids and Lydia tries to argue with her. Sure, she is responsible for some of the punishments these women are now "damaged" by, but she truly believes those punishments were for a greater good and now the handmaids deserve their place with the others as much as anyone else. It is chilling and the character is such a dark shade of morally gray, but I can't get enough of it. The actress who plays her, Ann Dowd, has so interesting thoughts about her, like here. I just love this character so much I could scream.

6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies

I'm mostly talking about the movies here because Renée Zellweger's performance is iconic. Plus the movies are what made me love this character first. But I'll give it to the books, they're one of the few books I've laughed out loud while reading. Anyway, how do you even begin explaining the love I have for Bridget Jones... I love how she is a character so many people can relate but who would be a comic relief side character in some other story. Yes, yes, it is really bad that she is constantly described as fat when she really is not, but when I was growing up she gave me hope that people who are viewed as fat and/or unattractive by other people can be admired and appreciated, and they don't have to be super talented at everything and highly intelligent and some kind of a super smooth social butterfly to "make up" for what they "lack". And also that they can have standards (i once dodged a bullet by rejecting someone by pretty much subconsciously quoting Bridget Jones so..). I also love how the comedic tone of everything does not dismiss Bridget's feelings. For example in some other movie we maybe would concentrate on how "stupid" Bridget was to trust that Daniel was in love with her, but in Bridget Jones we concentrate on how Bridget was hurt by Daniel cheating on her, how he is the one who did wrong. Idk I just love Bridget Jones so very much can you tell.

7. Rock Lee, Naruto

Aka the boy who would have kicked Madara in the balls if Kishimoto had any sense of drama and good storytelling. I think I robbed Lee by not putting him on the fav male characters list. You know that post that goes like "gays be like 'these are my comfort characters', 1 literal ray of sunshine, 2 war criminal" etc? This child is the sunshine. I've been reading and watching Naruto again ( @hapanmaitogai is my sideblog for that nonsense) and I'm so ready to adopt Lee and/or Gai. Rock Lee is just such an earnest character, he has a goal he will give anything to achieve and he's the one true underdog in this manga. I love how he's so kind and polite (it's not so clear in English but in the Finnish translation he speaks as formally as he does in Japanese, he uses singular polite "you", calls Sakura "Sakura-neiti" = "Miss Sakura" etc... i love one polite boy). Also, he has the best fights in the series. Like Lee vs Gaara is a Classic, but we simply can't forget that time Lee absolutely crushed Sasuke in just a few minutes, or that time he politely asked Kimimaro not to kill him while he drinks his medicine. The best boy. I love that boy so much.

8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey

Last time it was Thomas' turn, so now I must talk about the snakiest snake, the queen of weaponized handmaidenry, Miss O'Brien. She is such a great character especially in the first two seasons (I obviously love her on season three as well but Julian Fellowes really tried to make it hard by not explaining her actions at all, didn't he. Well, luckily I am ready to stuff the gaps with my headcanons). She has some of the best comebacks in the series and brings some needed realism in some conversations. I also love how she uses her position as a lady's maid for her advantage and how she is proud of her profession despite being highly aware of the power structures in the Abbey. And then there is the soap. That is such a good character moment, because for a character who always plans ahead, who is ruthless and cunning and intelligent... I don't think O'Brien thought about the soap thing at all before she left the room ("Sarah O'Brien, this is not who you are" hit me like a train). Just once she did something with nothing but anger motivating her and that became one of the defining moments of her character. And one of the defining things of the future relationship between her and Cora. That's why I find the Sarah/Cora ship so interesting, because there will always be the undercurrent of bitter regret. Also Sarah O'Brien and Thomas Barrow are the greatest brotp and Fellowes was a coward for driving the smoking scheming gay best friends apart, and

9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E

I'm not saying L.M. Montgomery is entirely responsible for me having a fondness for strict, older women who first act unkind but have a heart of gold, but she most certainly did not help. Between characters like Marilla Cuthbert and Elizabeth Murray, how can you not fall in love with the type? It's been a while since I read the Anne series, but I really love how Marilla's character has been adapted into the Anne with an E tv series. Geraldine James looks like she was born to play her, she has me in tears so often. She has the ability to portray someone like Marilla, who is a very hard and stern person but feels deeply for her loved ones. I was watching the episode that dealt with Matthew's heart attack and Marilla berating her brother while hugging herself like she was trying so hard to hold herself together absolutely destroyed my heart.

10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

It was a tough choice between her and Sister Evangelina. I just love these nuns very much. Sister Monica Joan is such a lovable and wise character. She is so knowledgeable of many subjects, from the Bible to astrology, and I feel like her unspecified memory problems and confusion are handled very tastefully. I also love how she's such an important part of her community despite not working as a midwife anymore. She is such a kind woman and gets visibly upset when others are treated poorly. And how could I not mention her saying "I do not believe in weeds. A weed is simply a flower that someone decides is in the wrong place", like... I love her so so much.

I won't tag anyone, but if you read this and you want to do this, consider yourself tagged and you're no allowed to mark me as the one who tagged you!

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oveliagirlhaditright · 4 years ago

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Okay. So Light and L talking about the Phantom of the Opera (mostly the novel) text. (Why? Because these two are geniuses, so I feel they’d talk about smart things: like classic literature, if they were to talk about novels at all. And this is, like, the only classical novel I’ve read, that I actually remember and care about. So here we go.)

L: All I’m saying, is that Christine should have chosen Erik. He did so much for her. And she has a bond with music with him that she never will with Raoul.

A Light who doesn’t remember the death note--and thus has morals--is insulted by this. Light: ...But Ryuzaki. Surely it doesn’t matter “what he did for her”, as opposed to how he treated her. Right? The guy terrorized the poor girl. And he preyed upon her after the death of her father--and made her think that he was the angel her father promised he’d send her--so, no? All Erik gave Christine was chaos and destruction, so I get why she chose order and love.

L: But Light-kun, you are forgetting that the dear Phantom could have never shown Christine order and love--as you put it--since he was never shown that himself. But perhaps she could have taught him it. And Raoul’s hands aren’t squeaky clean in all this, either--spying on Christine against her wishes, and all that--and I can moreso excuse Erik’s flaws, for what he went through, than those of a privileged viscount.

Light: I still don’t think she should have had to stay with him to “teach him love”, Ryuzaki. I’ll admit that Erik’s backstory is a tragic one... but Christine gave him more than enough. More than anyone could have rightly asked of her, after all he did to her. And I don’t think all what he went through, somehow makes his heinous actions more redeemable than Raoul’s lesser ones, just because Raoul had it easier. And hold up... please don’t tell me you mean any of this for real life. Like, if a girl was abused by someone who claimed to love her, are you saying she should still stay with him--“to teach him love”--if he’s never been given that before?

L: Of course I wouldn’t say that in a real life situation, Light-kun. But as this is a fictional story we are talking about and just that, I feel no remorse in thinking Christine loved the Phantom more, and thus she should have stayed with him to see if they could have worked it out. He had changed by the end of the story through seeing her selflessness, after all.

Light: ...But don’t you think okaying such a thing in fiction is putting you on a slippery slope, so that you might eventually have your ideas skewed here?

(L’s getting kind of irritated now.) L: You know that isn’t how it works, right? Just because one reads Harry Potter, for example, does not mean that they will then try to become a witch or wizard. And violent video games, do not make one violent if they didn’t already have those impulses within them. So I think I am fine to care about this relationship, that most of the world prefers.

Light: ...Okay, fine. Agree to disagree. But I guess if you’re bringing up the adaptations, I will admit that some of them do make the Erik and Christine relationship better, so I can kind of get where you’re coming from there. Though others make it even worse than it was...

L: And if it makes you feel any better, I like Raoul better in the musical. Many people feel the other way: that the musical really sacrificed his character, as it geared towards its Phantom and Christine telling. And while some of that is certainly true... it’s still nice to get rid of Raoul’s annoying inner-monologue, as he falls in love for the first time, and rather see the best parts of his personality, as he tries to take charge and save the company from this masked man’s threats and also to save the girl he loves. ...But more than anything, Light-kun, I think I’m coming to realize one should really ‘ship’ Christine with her own autonomy. And I do not complain about such adaptations where she leaves both of her suitors behind, and goes on to be a star.

Light: Here, here.

You guys might think I should have had Light and L being on the opposite sides I wrote them on here... and maybe I should’ve. But IDK. I guess I wanted to show what a good guy Light is (mostly) without the death note, and therefore highlight how sad it s that he finds it, and eventually ends up going against his own morals (like, here he’s Christine’s number one defender here. But when he has the death note, he treats Misa like crap. There’s a sad irony there:(). And this was also maybe to show that L isn’t perfect, as we all know? But The Phantom of the Opera is fiction, so L shipping Erik and Christine, so to speak, certainly isn’t hurting anyone. Edit: It also occurs to me that Kira would probably want to kill Erik if he was real. LOL

If anyone wants to know, I kind of used to be an Erikstine shipper. Now I’m definitely more a Raoulstine. And I prefer the novel to the musical (and the Raoul in the book over the one in the show... though I know a few think musical!Raoul is better). Anyway...

#long post #lawlight #dialogue #because these two won't stay out of my head #and I don't have time to fanfic all of this #death note #I feel like light and l have probably seen the musical too. since it's. like. the longest running show ever and has been released in most #countries of course #including Japan of course. oh ryoko: how your Christine is actually one of my favorites

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prettyboy-jimin · 7 years ago

Text

Beautiful Woman

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader Genre: Fluff Word Count: 2.1k Summary: Based on a tumblr text post that goes

“My dad always used to refer to my mum as “the most beautiful woman in the world” and I always thought it was kind of dumb, because I could look at my mum and know for sure that she was not the most beautiful woman in the world, not even by far, and I always thought that my dad was just saying that to be nice. And then one day I met the most beautiful woman in the world.”

If you find it, please link it to me, I’d appreciate it very much! Thanks! X

Note: I found a post on Instagram and read it out to my friends because I saw the OT7 for this but they saw Hobi before anyone else. I’m thinking about making a series maybe? For all of them? Idk. Yes. Hello. I am not dead.

Dad was always really sappy when it came to mom. He gave her flowers, candlelit dinners, surprised her with her favourite things and overall tried to be the husband she always dreamed of marrying. People would always look at them and wonder or wish that they could achieve something like that some day, but having to live with that every day of my life proved to be kind of uncomfortable.

Even though I was born into the world under my noona’s caring eye, she wasn’t there to share my discomfort when it came to our parents’ affections; If anything, she dreamed, just like everyone else, to have something akin to their relationship one day.

Me?

I just want to survive college. Even if my family supports my dancing through and through, I still push myself to do my best in order to make them proud. I major in dance, minor in international studies. Even though dancing is what I love to do and it’s what I want to do for the rest of my life, from where I stand right now I’m not completely sure if it can sustain me right after college is over. Dance companies get really picky with who they recruit.

I’ve just gotten off the phone with mom, she’s called to reconfirm if I was coming over this weekend for dad’s birthday to which I said I couldn’t promise anything, but I’d try. By the time I say goodbye, my eyes hazily drift towards the wall clock in the apartment I share with Joon and I see that I’m 20 minutes late for my first class.

I run to my room, matting down my bed hair as I dig for a decent pair of sweats in the closet. I slip on a black pair as I stick my toothbrush in my mouth before I realise the shirt I was wearing isn’t exactly something that should be worn beyond the walls of home. My inner cheek starts to burn from the minty concentration and I quickly shove the bristles of my toothbrush back and forth before letting it rest again on the opposite side. I’m 6 feet deep into my closet, searching for my yellow hoodie, when Joon comes in my door.

“You’re gonna clean this up right?”

I barely register that his question needs an answer and that my answer should be verbal, but before my brain can send instructions to my mouth in order for me to say yes, I catch a glimpse of mustard yellow under a pile of denim jeans and I shout in victory, little puffs of foam shooting out.

Joon shakes his head with a small smile. He’s gotten too used to this so no further conversation is needed. He walks out of my room as I make my way back into the bathroom to rinse and gargle, the effort of matting my hair down still in process. I check the clock on my bedside table and see that 20 more minutes have passed.

Shit.

I turn the tap on in haste, shoving as much water as I could in the little amount of time I allowed myself. When enough paste was out my mouth I tried to gather the water into my hair as well, maybe a little liquid could help me tame it, I didn’t stay in the bathroom long enough to see if my efforts worked.

Practically ripping my current shirt off, I realise that there’s no use in grabbing a new one since I’m going to be wearing the hoodie all day anyway. I shove it over my head, scampering towards the foot of my bed where my half empty backpack lay untouched from yesterday; with that, I’m rushing out the door.

“Joon, I’m out!”

“Have a good day!”

“Always do!”

The door shuts a little harder than I intended, but hopefully Joon understands that I’m on my way to be executed by my World Literatures professor—he hates me as is, hates people who are late even more… so you can imagine how deadly a pair we make.

The building’s main door almost hits someone as I fly past it, they curse at me, I apologise before running off. I can feel them give me the stink eye but it’s not like I’m in the proper position to care right now.

My World Literatures lecture room is right on the other side of campus—opposite of where I live (because I chose to live closer to the dance studio than all my classes) and I’m running as fast as I can to make it before he locks the door at the 30 minute mark.

I’m turning corners and whipping past people when my phone vibrates in my pocket. My pace slows slightly as I take it out to check who would text me so early in the morning.

Mom 7:24AM: Have a good day at school, sweetheart! We really hope to see you this weekend. Love you xx

I practically wasted time wondering who’d text me so early.

Dad’s told us on numerous occasions how mom’s very persuasive when she wants to be, but she’s not the all-up-in-your-face-saleswoman kind of persuasive, she’s the kind that gets under your skin, into your head and all those things. We were scared of that, but we never really noticed when she was trying to get things to go her way. Kind of like how someone’s furious but they’re passive-aggressive about it.

I’m trying to type up a response about how I love her as well when I crash right into someone. I hear a yelp before my own groan resonates in my ears, followed by the sound of books clattering on the sidewalk.

“Please watch where you’re going next time” she asks me gently, she doesn’t sound angry at all; more so as if she’s used to it by now.

I’m struggling to open my eyes and see her, the bump on my head growing with each pulse I can feel it giving out. So I give her another groan to at least tell her I’ve heard her—and that it won’t happen again.

Damn, I need to wake up earlier from now on.

As soon as the pain thrives out, I look at her to see her back to me. She’s on her knees and she’s desperately gathering the papers on the floor, some books lay open to the side as well but they seem disregarded compared to how much she looks like she needs the papers.

It takes me a second before I start to help her and then I’m scrambling around myself to catch papers before they fly off with the morning breeze. My World Literatures class forgotten.

“I’m really sorry about this, I’m in a hurry, my mom texted me about going to my dad’s birthday, I wasn’t watching where I was going, you have no idea how so—“ she cuts me off with a gentle laugh, her hair obscuring her face from me to see when I pause to look up at her.

She has a really pretty laugh.

“I was on my way back from class actually” she said. Her voice was o gentle I could listen to her speak for hours. I decided right then and there that it didn’t matter what it’d be about just as long as I get to keep listening to her.

“F-from class?” I asked, only then realising what she’d said.

“Yeah, I’m part of the 15% of the student body that opted for night classes” she giggles thereafter, her back now facing me as she gathers the other papers a little more to the left and decides on inserting them into the various folders that had spilled as well. She’ll probably have to rearrange them all later.

“I really am sorry” I mutter, losing my confidence as the guilt builds “for bumping into you”

We gather up the remaining items that fell out of her arms and then I think to myself—just how many things was this girl holding anyway?

I stand up, focusing a little on what papers I had gathered have written on them when I see her hold out her hand in the corner of my eye.

My phone vibrates again, so I absent-mindedly hand her what I’m holding as I give my attention to whoever’ calling me.

“Hello?”

“Hey, sport!”

“Oh, hi dad!”

My smile widens a little, the guilt slightly forgotten.

“So I’ll bet the most beautiful woman in the world has you on your knees for coming home this weekend?”

I laugh, “Yeah, she called like 30 minutes ago” I can see her shift uncomfortably, I didn’t want to ruin a good thing before it started o I rushed to add “Mom’s dead set on making me come home, she even texted.”

She relaxes, as do I.

“Don’t pressure yourself, alright sport? Your noona will be here so your mom and I have some company anyway”

“Okay, dad”

We say our goodbyes and my thoughts drift once more to how he called mom ‘the most beautiful woman in the world’, she was probably listening in and dad wanted to be nice.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand how he could call mom the most beautiful woman in the world.

I look to the girl, she’s been waiting for my call to end and I decide that dad was definitely wrong when he said mom was the most beautiful woman in the world.

How could she be? When the most beautiful woman in the world was standing right in front of me?

“Dad, that’s so cheesy!!” your youngest, Taeyoon, squeals. From where you’re leaning on the doorway, you can see her kicking her legs under her blanket as she giggles in front of Hoseok. Her brothers, Jaeseung and Eujin sat at the foot of her bed, to Hoseok’s right, not quite appreciating the way her frolicking messed up the sheets beneath them.

“Your mom thought otherwise when I first told her what I thought about her.” Hoseok disagreed, sticking his tongue out at her in retaliation to her own. You couldn’t help but giggle from where you stood, your twin boys groaning and laughing at their father and little sister.

The story of how you and Hoseok first met happened so long ago that it really did feel like a fairytale you’d tell your kids before bed—something that your husband’s been doing for a while now.

Your kids have heard it more times than their little hands could allow them to keep track of, the repetition never bothered them because the essence of a true story seemed to give more value to their occasional bedtime story.

“So what happened after?” Eujin asked

Hoseok looked at him with mild surprise; it wasn’t the first time he asked that so his son clearly knew the answer.

“Your father’s going to tell you that he swept me off my feet with the temptation of breakfast and coffee” you say, abandoning the doorframe and making your way to whatever available space was on Taeyoon’s bed. Jaeseung moved to your side, leaning into you as you placed a gentle kiss on his forehead with Hoseok looking over at the two of you fondly. “But the truth is, he was at a loss for words, he stuttered and couldn’t even look at me.”

You smiled widely at Hoseok’s generous laughter, throwing his head back as your children look back and forth between you with smiles that matched the one you were wearing.

The boys had just turned eight a couple of months ago; your youngest was to turn four in the coming weeks but the windows of time in between the big things, windows like this, were the ones you enjoyed most.

“But your father was suave enough to flirt as subtly as he could” you teased, facing your daughter but eyeing her father; he was chuckling to himself—holding his head down. “And I figured maybe this guy was worth giving my number to.”

He gave you the warmest, most grateful smile; the sparkle in his eyes telling you just how thankful he was that you had given him a second glance and then a third, and another, and then so many more after that.

“And then she married me” he smiled

Taeyoon squealed, shivers run through her body by how her parents loved each other so much.

You smiled at him as well, telling yourself that you could never get tired of how his face lights up when he sees you.

“And then I married him.”

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sociallyawkward--fics · 7 years ago

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2, 3, 7, 10, 12, 18, 19, 27, 29, 40, 47, 51, 53, 56, 61 (sorry, these were just really interesting) (hope you have a great day) -H

Oh, and my week has been great–ah, you know what? Thursday wasn’t the best. But the rest was fine. How was your week? -H

Lol my week was not the best, but I won’t go into details on this ask because then it would get long lol. If you wanna hear my complain about my week, I will gladly whine about my troubles later lol.

I’m glad your week was (mostly) good, though! Sorry Thursday wasn’t great!

(Also, don’t apologize! I like it when y’all send in a ton lol, it gives me something to do and I like knowing what y’all are curious about!)

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Hmmmmm….. Maybe Thomas? Or my internet friends because everyone lives so darned far lol

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing:

“… young lady, and I off red him my company to a willow tree…”

Lol, the book is weirdly small so you don’t get many words per line

7) What’s your religion?

I’m a Christian! Don’t worry, though, I think it’s obvious that I don’t agree with a lot of the views most Christians hold lol.

10) What was the last lie you told?

I tell so many lies to stay safe from my parents that this would normally be a hard question lol, but the last instance happened just this morning

I was using photoshop on my dad’s computer in his office because he was asleep and I’m allowed to use the computer if he doesn’t need it, but then I heard his bedroom door open (it’s squeaky and I’m attuned to the sound by now lol) so I had to quickly stop what I was doing (editing Sanders Sides cosplay pics) and open a different picture (my friend’s dog) and pretend to be editing that, and not even a second later my dad walked in and looked at the computer to see what I was doing.

12) What does your URL mean?

Well, my main’s url is thatonesociallyawkwardfreak (because I’m socially awkward and most people think I’m pretty weird lol), so I adapted that to sociallyawkward–fics so that my two blogs were more obviously connected and I was too uncreative to come up with a cooler name lol. Plus, I didn’t wanna name it after a specific fandom because I like writing for multiple fandoms, what I write most of just depends on my biggest fandom at the time.

I like this url, though! I’m sentimental about it now lol, I’m not changing it ever

18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I HATE anything that’s loud and screechy. I have super sensitive hearing (my mom and sister like to say I have ‘super sonic hearing’ because I can hear things that are really quiet/far away that no one else can) so those sounds really hurt lol. One of the worst ones is that stupid “””silent ringtone.””” Like, no, that crap ain’t silent, sorry. That’s what the deepest pit of hell sounds like. If someone starts up with that ringtone, I am collapsed on the ground with my hands over my ears

A sound I love is simply the voices of people I love. I just like hearing them talk, their voices calm me (most of the time, sometimes nothing can calm me lol) and make me happier because I know they’re there.

19) What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I never escape my (blood) family’s control?

What if I have to lose my (blood) family to have the freedom to be who I am?

27) What was the last movie you saw?

Yesterday in my AP Literature class, my teacher didn’t want to start anything new until next week so we started the second half of the 1993 Much Ado About Nothing movie (without having ever seen the first half lol) and let me tell you, I much prefer watching Shakespeare than reading it. It’s a lot easier to understand. Plus, I love this comedy lol (*Hero unveils* *Claudio gasps* *entire class and teacher erupt in laughter* “Another Hero!”)

If we’re talking in theaters, though, I think it was Coco (amazing movie, super emotional, 15/10 would recommend)

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?

Thomas Sanders I think is a rather obvious one lol, but I’m also starting to get really excited for the cosplays I’m trying to complete this year and I want to work on my photography a lot more too.

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Lol see, this is a hard one right now, at least, because of my bad night last night, but let’s go through the things I try to do (let’s try hard to be positive):

-I’m always open for venting

-I’m told I give great advice

-I’m told my words help cheer people up a lot

-I’m loyal/I would never betray them, even if they betrayed me

-I’m not the jealous type, I don’t care if plans are made without me because I (usually) know they still love me

So I think maybe I’d be my friend? I try really, really hard to be a good friend because I’m terrified of losing people lol

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Choosing to befriend/open up to the people I have. I don’t even know if I would still be alive without these people, if I’m being honest

51) What is your current desktop picture?

Actually, this computer I mainly use is my dad’s old 2012 Windows Surface, and so it’s connected to my dad’s normal computer with One Drive or whatever that is, so if you put files in a certain folder they’re on both computers and the desktop picture changes if he changes the one on his computer.

Currently, it’s this:

And on my dad’s normal computer, it MOVES

53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Really, a lot of the time it depends on who’s asking the question.

If it was my parents, even just, “What are you doing?” strikes terror into my heart lol, there are too many things I have to hide from them.

If it was a friend, that’s a bit harder. With most of my friends, I would answer most questions honestly without trouble.

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Oh gosh, idk? There are a couple really bad anxiety or panic attacks I wish I could never remember. Same with really bad depressive episodes. Certain fights with my parents I could definitely do without.

61) Guess my cause of death

YOUR cause of death??? Oh gosh, I really hope it’s old age and that you pass peacefully in your sleep, having lived a long and happy life filled with love

#ask #anon #H anon #ask games

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gudetama-studies · 7 years ago

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Lol so this is for the ask thing 1,7,8,9,10,12,15,20,23,26,27,32,35,36,37,38,42,44,47,48,49,50,5,52,53,54,55,56,57,59,61,62,66,69,70,78,79,80,88,89,87,81,82,92,93,94,95,96,97,99,100

get to know me | ask one

🍳 // I just copy pasted everything and went to delete those you didn’t ask haha oh man I think my answers are going to be boring af, thanks for sending these in though! did you pick these numbers off the top of your head or

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

my desktop wallpaper is gudetama bae (ofc), my lock screen is of sakura, and my home screen is some random grid I downloaded off line deco.

7) What was your favorite 90s show?

noooo I was born in the tail end of the nineties and barely made it into the club I’m going to have to be super lame and say friends.

8) Who was your last kiss?

hershey kiss ( the peppermint flavour is so good gdi)

9) Have you ever been stood up?

um ya and I hate hate hate hate it when people cancel plans last minute it’s my pet peeve I think

10) Favorite ice cream flavor?

I used to like this flavour they sold at a place near my house, called Blue sky but I think they’ve stopped it. I love caramel biscuit and cream though!

12) Your favorite pair of shoes?

Adidas sneakers atm

15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible?

hahah hmmmm no?? Like I’ve made good friends but I guess for me a relationship requires like more commitment and also knowing more about each other, so I don’t really have those thoughts.

20) Does the person you’re in love with know it?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

23) Your fears?

That I won’t be able to support myself in the future, but I feel like it’s a very common fear amongst people my age. That nobody will want me because I have no experience (jobwise or anything) and that I’m too complicated for anyone to love ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

26) Your idea of a perfect first date?

I think it’d be nice to just have a meal or something where you can talk to the person f2f and get to know each other, develop a connection.

27) What is something most people don’t know about you?

I have a birthmark of a broken heart on the back of my left leg lol32) Are you single?

y e s 35) Coffee or Tea?

coffee! but I’m weak Only weak coffee for me.

36) Online shopping or shopping in person?

Shopping in person is just easier and it helps me resist temptation haha it’s really fun to go to online shops and put things in carts whilst oohing and aahing at everything tho

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

hmmm younger! I feel like when you’re younger, as trying of a time as it is, there is more stability and also more possibilities.. do I sound like someone who has many regrets? Like it feels now that I’m older that my life is just spiralling downwards..

38) Cats or Dogs?

cats. I’m scared of dogs. 42) What kind of music to you listen to?

recently I’ve been listening to some korean songs but usually I listen to mostly indie.. it really depends on my mood44) Where are you from?

the little red dot aka sg 47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself?

N o t e b o o k. I fed my stationery addiction

48) Why do you think your followers follow you?

I have no idea actually haha hopefully bc they like gudetama but then again who doesn’t. 49) How many hours do you sleep at night?

Depends, it can be anywhere from 10 hours to like

50) What worries you most about the future?

as a humanities major there are 1 million worries about getting a job and being able to support myself and doing something I love but I do worry about my family too. Their health, and how they will do for themselves.

51) If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends?

quite awhile???? I don’t think I’m that harsh of a critic on myself, which sounds terrible to admit.

52) Are you happy with yourself?

hmmmmm not in some aspects, I wish I was more spontaneous, and more daring, and less of a picky eater. More involved with my community, that sort of thing. But I think everyone has things they want to change about themselves.

53) What do you wish you didn’t know?

r IGHT INFRONT OF MY SALAD?

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life?take chances lol don’t be so shy

55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?television series???? can I have gatsby’s house in the great gatsby (but that was a movie oops)

56) What’s your favorite Website?

I’m on tumblr a lot. And I know it’s not a c o o l thing anymore but oh well.

57) What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking?

not taking care of my skin lol

59) What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?

the planner I recently bought!!! Ok it wasn’t a thrift store but sg doesn’t really have that big of a thrift culture ok

61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be?

ARKANSAS ( bc the pronunciation haha idk I never really got people naming their children after countries and places like ??? )

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be?

umm lITERATURE IS FUN GUYSSSS 66) Have you ever been stung by a bee?

yes. Once. I think it was a bee. It was on a train in hk and stupid me forgot I saw a bee on the seat in front of me and stuck my elbow there w o w 69) What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?

I answered something similar to this recently! tldr: intro to lit

70) What’s your favorite breakfast?

EGGS BENEDICT I’m a cannibal 78) Would you break the law to save a family member?

if it meant saving their life, yes, and only if it was someone in my immediate family.

79) Talk about an embarrassing moment?

where do I even begin

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in?

I believe in human rights mostly,

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?

n O I wouldn’t even marry myself what

89) Do you get easily distracted?actually I’m quite good at multitasking and I think I can focus q well 92) How do you feel about tattoos?

I think they’re really pretty! Well most of them anyways, there are ones that I am tempted to get ( watercolour tattoos look amazing ) but I am far too afraid of pain.

93) Do you have any pets?

fish guppies and snails and prawns my cousin owns a fish shop

94) How tall are you?

151/150 ( every centimetre counts )

95) How old are you?

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot?

haha um my smile, my hair

97) Is there anything you’re really passionate about?

The survival of the arts in Singapore 99) Do you believe in love at first sight?Yes, but it hasn’t happened to me. welp

#acrasium #I feel like I['m missing some but #hahah this took me forever and you prOBABLY KNOW WHY #hahaha

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aparoxysm · 8 years ago

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3,5,7,8,9,12,15,18,19,20

✿ Does anyone in real life know about your RPing hobby and what, if anything, have they said about it?

My parents know, because for as long as I’ve been on the internet, they’ve known that I like to write and write with friends overseas. My dad still calls it fanfiction somtimes to other people, like he’s proud of me or something, and that’s enough to make me want to never talk to him again out of embarrassment, ha, but I deal with it. Because I truly do love writing more than anything. Other than that, my boyfriend knows, but he doesn’t care about it / ask questions and I don’t really like to tell him about it either. I’m not as embarrassed about RP as I used to be, but I still feel like it’s just something for me that other people wouldn’t really understand the mechanics of. The only times my boyfriend and I do acknowledge it is when I start talking about an RP friend he hasn’t heard about before like a real life friend, so he’s like who dat and im like oh, new rp friend from > insert country

That being said, he actually did surprise me the other week and I have been holding onto it for fear life. We were complaining about a friend who literally just sleeps and watches Netflix all day when she’s not working, and he’s like “I don’t get how you can do that” and im like “Well I have friends online who claim to do that a lot. Me, personally, I’d get too bored.” and hes like “I just don’t get how people can do nothing all the time? Like at least with you and your online stuff, that’s still doing something. I just feel like that’s actually a hobby.” and I kind of didn’t hear whatever else it is he said because he actually ??? referred to my RP addiction as something valid and worthy??? and all this time i’ve assumed he didn’t get it and thought it was dumb??? IDK, it made me feel good.

✿ Have you considered writing professionally or do you have plans to?

Always. But I never will, I don’t think.

✿ How do you handle the toxicity sometimes found in the roleplaying community, particularly in fandoms?How has roleplaying, specifically, impacted your life?

I use tumblr savior to blacklist a lot, because it really gets too much for me to be exposed to it a lot, and it makes me feel shitty and not want to rp with certain people because of how they behave, or makes me feel guilty for how I behave… I usually drift away from things that give me major negative vibes, otherwise I become in great, exponential danger of saying something i’ll regret. I’ve hated Tumblr RP a lot in this last year. It’s nowhere near as relaxed as it used to be, and I know there’s a lot of political debate on the topic of equality but I am not comfortable in a space where I have to edit everything I do and say or just not do or say it at all. When it gets like that level, a good dose of the unfollow button and keeping my mouth shut is what I find the most helpful.

✿ How has writing improved your life and do you see yourself sticking with it?

When I graduated high school, I went to college for art and animation, and it basically ruined my creative life. Before RP, I used to be an avid drawer, I sketched every day, I improved my skills and motivation so much, everyone knew me as the girl who drew in class instead of did her work, the girl who was going to grow up and be a famous artist, and when I went to college, it killed that for me. My ego took a big blow because the tech side of the course absolutely annihilated me, i couldn’t do it. so after that (and that was 2 years ago now) i haven’t really drawn since. but the silver lining was that I took on RP more dedicatedly after that, and found that I truly adored writing. Try as I might, I’ve never really comitted to a personal writing project, and it’s only in the recent times that I’ve taken the pressure off for me to do it, but. RP makes me happy, it makes me feel like I’m doing something good when I reply to people or make new friendships, it makes me feel like I’m wanted and needed, that my characters and plots are valid and that other people would care if I’m here or not. It was a big boost for my self confidence, and it’s also made me so much more privy to the creative world, which i needed after that. so yeah, i see myself sticking with writing.

✿ Is there a quote from a piece of literature that holds great value to you? What is it and why is it important to you?

She stood in front of her closet mirror in her T-shirt and twisted this way and that. What’s wrong with me? She wondered. There was nothing the matter that she could see. She was tall and leggy, like her mother, with full breasts, small waist, and slim hips that curved enough to show she was female. Her skin was gently golden; it was always golden, sun or not, and her tawny hair was thick and long and wild. So why was it that groups of girls stopped talking when she approached them at school and answered her openings with tense words that killed the conversations she tried to start? Was she too good-looking? Was that possible? Was that the threat they saw?

Legitimately, this was the first and pretty much only female protagonist I had ever read about who fully and whole-heartedly loved herself where it mattered. Sure, she still had her shortcomings and moments of weakness, but god damn, Vivian was so proud of herself and what she stood for, and that was so refreshing to see during that period of young adult fiction. It’s why she became my first favourite character from a book. And has pretty much inspired me to write feirce, aggressive, self-assured female characters ever since. I was just so inspired by her way of thinking as a young girl, it appealed to me so much and so that moment in the book plus a whole lot of others, really stuck with me.

✿ What do you typically look for in a roleplay partner?

Cliche, but chemistry. And not always in the writing kind but a lot in the OOC kind. I like people who I can talk to super easily, who write in the same tumblr language I do, who reference memes and are not afraid to hit me up with IMs and head canons, etc. I just love it because it makes me feel comfortable with a person, and like I’m not being a bother. The better I get to know a player, the better I get to know their character away from IC interactions. Likewise, I adore it when players get to know me so well that they read the patterns in my characters easily, and I don’t feel like I have to explain them all the time? It’s like they just know, and they know what path I want to put them on. I also look for honesty, people who are down to tell me what they’re feeling about a situation or whether something bothers them, or is able to voice if I’m doing something wrong. Most importantly though, I look for decisive people. Not overly decisive but it’s just so important for me to have someone who is like “yes that sounds good, i can start a thing for you if you want” or “i dont think that really fits, how about this plot idea instead?” I really cannot stand sending IMs to people about plots and characters and them just agreeing off the bat the whole time, but never really deciding on anything either, and so it makes me feel like i’m just paddling in a circle until i make all the decisions for us. To me, that’s not what RP is about. It involves teamwork, and effort, and to me, that’s not putting in effort. It gets me really frustrated.

✿ What made you want to join the roleplaying community?

I kept seeing bios in celebrity tags, and so when i sussed out what group rp was on tumblr, i was like holy shit there is a name for the thing i have been doing with friends over email for so many years???? and you can use PICTURES? i gotta get on this.

so somehow, i found a group rp that allowed mythical creatures, i wanted to be a peter pan mermaid, and the rest is history~~

✿ What one piece of literature has been most inspirational/life changing for you? Why?

(( Blood & Chocolate, by Anette Curtis Klause — because of the main character, as per mentioned. She’s inspired me to write full-on, aggressive, assertive, don’t-tell-me-what-i-can-and-cant-do female characters without apology. ))

The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen — it’s hard to explain exactly why, and it doesnt even just involve ONE of her books either, but they’ve kind of shaped my whole general character story directions?? her books always follow a pattern and i really admire that pattern, even if it is repetitive, and i am secretly a hopeless romantic so i really like how her love stories evolve. it’s always slow burning, the boy is usually a direct surprising love interest, and the girl always gains new friends and family out of it, and the stories always involve a nice little reoccurring theme. In the Truth About Forever, it’s a game that she and a boy plays throughout the entire book, which eventually leads to a shift from friendship to something more. THAT PLOT HAS APPEALED TO ME EVERY SINCE. the example of a teeny, tiny, otherwise-completely-average moment greatly impacting the rest of a characters life with someone else… i am weAK for this concept ok. her females are always usally feircely independent too and that gets me ♥

✿ Who are your top three favorite fictional characters and why?

Vivian Gandillon (Blood & Chocolate) — i swear i could go on repeat forever haha, but i’ve basically already mentioned why.

Jace Herondale (Shadowhunter Series) — back when the first like, two books had only been published, i super fell hard for this series and it was straight up because of the commentary done by Jace and his ability to senselessly bicker with everybody in his path. his comments to me, were always absolutely hysterical. i was so in love with his wry and witty comments, especially the way he kept at ease and casual through super distressing situations, and i really wish id kept reading the rest of the series as it was published, but i seriously fell behind. then the movie came out. then the netflix series. now i’ve grown too far out of it and having to see the cast on my dash every second of every day makes me want to burn the books.

Shane Collins (Morganville Vampire Series) — this is an oooold old series that i used to read religiously, and it was more in the style of anita blake and buffy vampires~ rather than twilight and true blood -esque content. it got really weird and complicated though so i gave up on it, but for a time, i adored it. and i loved shane because he was hilariously human, he hated everybody except his housemates (though sometimes that could be questioned) and nobody held a grudge better than him. he had a knack for getting in trouble, usually on his own accord, was feircely protective and spent most of his time just being a genuine nuisance and temper tantrum thrower. i saw a lot of me in him, and idk. i just like people with tempers, i think it makes them super fun to read.

#me af #psa; ooc #psa; my library #shehasnoears

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greensaplinggrace · 3 years ago

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honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

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