#idk if all that makes sense but its my truth !

[wuntrum]

"what do you mean best numbers" up to interpretation honestly, follow your heart

[impossible-rat-babies]

sitting w lae’zel like oh baby girl you are becoming so painfully disillusioned to what you were raised in huh

[todayisafridaynight]

THIS IS GONNA SOUND SO MEAN BUT WHY DO U LIKE RYO AOKI/MASATO

masato hot

[flufallo]

DID NEIL GAYMEN WRITE DBD

He wrote the comics yes

[olymphianblood]

ok guys its not funny anymore when is d&p hard lauching im starting to getting anxious /hj

[loss-protocol]

leighton murray you will always be trans coded to me .........................

[stevethehairington]

grr i wanted to post my ficlets from here to ao3 as a big chaptered collection and i wanted to do it before the end of the year so the word count went towards 2022 since i wrote them all then but i am NOT going to be able to do that, there is NOT enough time left for all i still have to do for it 😔

[nomairuins]

the difficulty of trying 2 explain to ppl that im Not being self deprecating or belittling my mental illnesses when i say something that could be perceived as overly critical towards myself but that thise things actually r true abt me. ppl did die.

[savethepinecones]

ive got asthma. i run across a crosswalk and i end up wheezing for a good ten minutes. i dont have much stamina or speed and my asthma limits my ability to even improve these. i have an inhaler that im supposed to use multiple times per day and another one that i use whenever my breathing gets bad.

ive had the asthma since i was a baby, but because i wasnt very active (i was more of a music kid than a sports kid), for a long time it didnt have much of an impact on my life. for a solid chunk of my childhood i more or less forgot i had it at all. sure i would get winded easily but thats normal when youre out of shape right? i never excercised so it must just be that.

in the past several years, though, its gotten worse. wildfires affected air quality in my area and i started to occasionally have trouble breathing just from being outside for too long. i finally went to a doctor and got an inhaler (i hadnt bothered to get one in years since i used it so rarely and even if i didnt my breathing would sort itself out. eventually). currently ive got one that im supposed to use multiple times a day and another that i carry with me to use if i get winded while im out and about. even with these, i still cant run much without it affecting my breathing. i dont especially enjoy running so im not too upset by the lack of it in my life but its frustrating that i cant do it on the occasion that i want or need to do so.

ive had a similar journey with my mental health. i ignored it as a kid, convinced myself everything was fine and normal, until i eventually had to admit to myself that that wasnt the case. what most people considered a brisk walk or light jog was more like running a marathon for me. i only worked parttime for years until i was able to get on antidepressants because i knew fulltime would be too much for me without them. when i did start taking meds, it was still difficult but technically possible.

i managed to keep my pace up for two years before i hit a limit i couldnt force myself to push through. whether id finished the marathon or not, i couldnt keep running. so i took a break. i sat down on a bench, drank some water, and waited for my breathing to slow as i watched others run past, going at a similar speed to what id been keeping, but barely looking winded. i knew i wouldnt be able to return to my previous pace. even once my breathing evened out, i was still exhausted. and i couldnt just will that exhaustion away. i tried anyway. once my lungs had stopped hurting, i stood up and started running again. my legs still ached and my breathing quickly worsened but i had to keep moving so i ignored as much as i could and endured the rest. i stopped several times to take a break but i didnt allow myself to sit again. this went on for maybe two weeks before my legs gave out and i had to find another bench.

since then ive been catching my breath. letting my burning limbs rest. i decided that once i was well and truly ready to start running again, i would go slow enough that i could keep a steady pace without wearing myself out. i probably wont work fulltime ever again.

ive more or less caught my breath but my legs are killing me so even though i want to keep moving, im going to go slow. im walking slowly, gradually picking up the pace while being careful not to push myself too hard. its difficult. im not used to acknowledging my limits. i spent two decades thinking that as long as i didnt collapse i was fine. i hadnt allowed myself to slow whenever my breathing became labored. my lungs would ache but i would continue on my sprint regardless. sometimes i still push myself too hard. other times i think im not running fast enough. i catch myself thinking that even if i cant run like everyone else is, i should do as much as i can. i should determine what my limit is and stay just a hair below that speed. its not comfortable, but this has never been comfortable, so what does that matter?

no, i tell myself. your comfort matters. go at whatever speed works for you. i repeat this to myself as i continue to walk. sometimes i jog a little. im surprised to find it enjoyable. ive always been too exhausted to enjoy the run. still, everyone else maintains the same speed theyve had from the start. they look at me walking and criticize me for not running seriously. some say ive had enough time to catch my breath, so i should get back to sprinting now. i tell them i dont think i should. they say im not trying hard enough.

sometimes i look at the people running past and feel guilty for not keeping pace. like ive let myself down somehow. i remind myself that this isnt a race, its more of a jogging path. im allowed to walk if i need to. people run past, scoffing at me for giving up. i havent given up, i want to tell them. im still walking. still making progress.

someone grabs my arm, pulling me forward. forcing me to match their speed. i know theyre trying to help me, but im tripping over my feet in my struggle to keep up. theyre struggling too, i can tell, but they wont allow themselves to stop or slow. you need to do better, they tell me. tiredness is no excuse. i dont know how to explain to them that i passed tired long ago. i pull my arm away. i cant keep up with you. and thats okay. no its not, they tell me. you must run like the rest of us. walking isnt even close to good enough. they run ahead. i jog for a few minutes, enjoying the run, then stop at a bench for a water break. i begin walking again. i remind myself that thats enough.

[terrorbirb]

Not going to work today does mean that I don't get to know how my coworker responded to my self help book recommendation for her daughter which I did not remember was so trans affirming.

She's struggling with her son too who is marrying a woman even though he is...clearly gay. She was saying "no! I don't want my son to be gay, but I do want him to be happy"

[wuntrum]

Oooh I just started rewatching Twin Peaks yesterday! The last time I saw it was around 4 or 5 years ago. Just putting on the first episode again made me realize how much like home this weird little show feels like to me. It’s been nice to see your enthusiasm for it on my dash :)

may I ask what you enjoy most about the show, or why it appeals to you, if anything comes to mind? I find it’s a bit of an odd one to try recommending to people - I love it, of course, but my taste is a little strange, and I don’t find other fans out in the wild that often.

oooh, that's an interesting question! i think theres a lot of aspects that appeal to me about twin peaks...on a very surface level i love the aesthetics of the show, as someone who lives in new england (pacific northwest and new england are connected pacman-map-style in my mind), the settings and fashion are all excellent. i also love its absurdity, i love the fact that no one talks like a real person and theres people with such weird and distinct archetypes and over the top emotions all colliding with each other---that, and the way it approaches the sort of worldbuilding going on, plus the importance of dreams in the narrative contribute to such an interesting and dreamy atmosphere. i think what makes twin peaks special compared to things that were made after it and were inspired by parts of it is that even when its confusing and strange on a literal level, its always emotionally resonant--you don't need to understand it, because you feel it. the way they're able to set up all the people and relationships in this town so quickly, you really feel like you're a fly on the wall in this living and breathing place, even when its strange. you rarely see how buildings and places connect, but you don't need to because its all so convincing as a woven together location (and of course thats for like logistical/filming purposes, but it creates an interesting effect lol). it uses the familiarity of americana tropes (and even television tropes) and distorts them to create meaning, while still keeping parts of their signifiers intact. even watching it for the first time in 2021 was shocking throughout, so i genuinely can't imagine how it felt catching it live when it was airing, like there was nothing else like it! the fact that david lynch helped to make a prime time television show is something that like logically should never have happened, but i'm so glad it did. i also think on a production/creative level, its so interesting to see how it sort of morphed and developed as the original run and fire walk with me and the return unfolded, like what themes were dropped versus what (at first) insignificant details were given meaning and expanded upon.

i do think it can be a hard sell to convince people to give it a chance--i've had a friend or two try to watch it and say its too slow for them, or it just wasn't clicking. but i've also had more friends really get into it, probably because i have a lot of weirdo artsy friends (i say that with love of course). but i think it's a great gateway into other weird and absurd stuff, or at least it was for me. i also enjoy a good ol "weird thing happening in small town" story, and so it was interesting watching twin peaks and then revisiting stuff that was clearly inspired by it, or at least partially (welcome to night vale, s1 of stranger things...s1 of riverdale. but also i think the return has its own sort of inspiration fuel, like season 4 of barry and beau is afraid struck me in the same way that the return did)

[aroanthy]

this is actually my favourite thing about saionji episodes. he's like the inverse nanami in that every episode that's supposedly About Him very much isn't. she derails the narrative constantly, pulling everything else into her orbit, and he is fundamentally unable to, actively forced from the narrative between episodes 9 and 20. of course he's the character to make one of the most astute observations in the whole series and of course it leaves you thinking 'why the fuck did saionji come up with that of all people??'. something something framing something something comic relief something something obfuscation and abstraction.

i feel kinda bad that none of saionji's episodes are really about him at all. the first two are setting up the show's structure and plot, and he's mainly just there to be a bad guy. in episode 25 his arc about quitting the duels and being pulled back in feels entirely overshadowed by the development in utena and anthy's relationship. every other episode where he has a major role he shares the spotlight with someone else, usually touga, and we all know how that goes.

[angelhound]

Why does everyone want to take my pants off is this normal. Is it normal for all of your friends to want to fuck you genuinely. I do not think I like it

[goldfades]

Uconn wbb manager in a secret relationship with p!

𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 ─ UCONN WBB MANAGER

─ warnings | mention of flirting/banter, alluding to manager "coming off straight" (idk if that should be a warning but there ya go, take that as u want), friends to lovers, jealous!paige brief mention, arguments, nothing else?

─ taglist | @xocherishxo @iienstein @yazmunson @euphternal @uraesthete @hello-nah817 @wanderlusturous and here's a link to my taglist if anyone would like to join!!

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

okay okay this is gonna be a long one so strap in

paige would always be flirty af with manager, like a little more than everyone else

like since the very beginning, freshman paige was down bad for manager

i feel like manager would kind of just brush it off as paige being friendly cus in all honesty... she's kinda like that w everyone on the team???

so she just brushes it off and paige is confused on why she isn't getting it...

so paige being paige, she just assumes manager is straight and doesn't fw her like that

so she just settles with being manager's friend and eventually, best friend

there's always a lot of banter between you guys, like yall are always teasing each other and being all handsy with one another

i feel like the team would kinda suspect there's something going on with you two but they never say anything cus like i said, paige is kinda like that with everyone

however, paige doesn't ever hide her blatant attraction to u

she'll fr tell you straight up she thinks you're the sexiest girl in the world and has NOOO shame ab it either

so for a while, it's kinda like best friends... and maybe a little more??

the whole dynamic changes when she finds out you like women

she's like "the FUCK"

this happens toward the beginning of junior year (2022-23) and paige begins to kinda distance herself from you because her mind is just FUCKED

like she's so confused and rethinking everything

obviously, you notice and try to talk to her ab it and paige just brushes it off

MULTIPLE. TIMES.

and she confides in azzi and she's like "whats wrong w you... like GENUINELY"

your sadness just dissipated into anger and ur like "if paige wants to play this game i will to"

so you guys just get petty and ignore each other, much to everyone dismay

because if yall are beefing, the entire team is in shambles😭

but when paige gets injured, all that pettiness just gets thrown out the window

you were there for her the ENTIRE time, from the second it happened til she started playing again

when it happened, obviously paige was just very distraught and not like herself

she would just not talk to anyone and spend all her time going to classes then back at her dorm

at first, she just will ignore your presence

unfortunately p is just petty like that

but then she realizes she's literally being fucking stupid and she lets you hang out with her

slowly but surely everything is semi back to normal

UNTIL you bring up why she got distant all of a sudden

she just decided to rip the bandaid off and tell you the truth (which at this point, was just as confusing to her as it was to you)

she ended up telling you she was just confused about her feelings about you and she eventually tells you she had a mini-crush on you in freshman year

and the only reason why she never told you was because she thought you didn't like girls

and you were just confused like WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT

you guys just kind of have to sit with your feelings for a bit

(maybe a fic for that entire scene if yall want ??)

RELATIONSHIP

you and paige agreed to keep it to yourself because of two reasons

A. it would kinda throw off the dynamic of the entire team and B. wanting to explore the relationship first

it was really REALLY fun for paige, like she was having the time of her life teasing you while no one really knows why (hope that makes sense)

she thinks its funny when she like openly flirts/is handsy with u and the team doesn't bat an eye because she's always done it, EXCEPT now she gets you all flustered

yes she does get an ego boost

however, her jealousy increased like 10x (and thats saying A LOT)

like she'll get annoyed at someone just for looking at manager a little suggestively, she gives them a dirty look and manager is just like "paige pls"

i feel like this would be the ultimate thing for paige, like she hates being with you and not being able to show you off

LOTS of arguments about that specifically

i can't really think of more rn, BUT TRUST I'LL YALL MORE CONTENT WHEN I DO

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[moonpetrichors-blog]

hiii! i love ur avatar writing and i was wondering if u could write something about neteyam x reader, where they're childhood best friends but then some na'vi guy start to show interest in the reader and neteyam gets all jealous and realize than maybe he's in love with them? idk if this make sense, english is not my first language, sorry :((

All Mine

Tags: Neteyam x Omaticaya!Reader, Aonung x Omaticaya!Reader (Only Slight), Fem!Reader, Childhood Friend Romance, Friends To Lovers, Jealousy, Anguished Declarations Of Love, Neteyam Loses His Cool For Once

Warnings: Neteyam Daydreaming About Punching Aonung LMAO

Neteyam was walking along the beach with his siblings when he spotted you, talking to the Olo'eyktan’s son. It had never crossed his mind before that you, his childhood best friend, would eventually find someone to romantically pursue. Was it wrong to realize he wanted you to himself, and not in the arms of another boy?

OMG IM SO OBSESSED W THIS IDEA!!! If theres one trope I love, its a jealous love interest 🤭 also, trust me when I say ur English is perfect!! Fun fact but English is also my second language and growing up I was ass at speaking it LMFAO so ur not alone 😭☠️

Yellow Hyacinth - Jealousy

* ˚ ✦ 1663 Words • Read below the cut

╭┈─────── ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-╰┈➤ ❝ [02/01/23] ❞  

It had been roughly a week since you arrived on the Awa'atlu village's shoreline. When you initially arrived, the Olo'eyktan's son harassed you relentlessly.

There were many things he liked to call you. Freak, weirdo, dimwit, you name it.

There was nothing freak-like about you, per se, but the fact that you were from the forest made you a target to Aonung's bullying. What skills could a woodland girl teach sea people? It was dreadful that you had to hide among them in the first place.

Technically, you had no obligation to go into hiding with the Metkayina clan, but you felt as if the Omaticaya had nothing left for you when your childhood best friend, Neteyam, informed you that he and his family needed to flee.

When Neteyam initially told you that he had to abandon your clan, including you, you wailed into his arms as if he had just perished. You couldn't bear the thought of not being with Neteyam, even if it meant compromising your clan's safety.

The truth is, you overreacted so harshly because you’ve had feelings for Neteyam for years now. You’ve always been unsure if he reciprocated, but there were moments between the both of you where he’d send mixed signals; you didn’t know what shifted or when, but there was just something between you both that felt like you were more than just friends.

And now he wouldn’t be able to stay and see how your relationship would unfurl.

Maybe you were foolish to persuade Jake Sully into bringing you along, but he eventually agreed (albeit reluctantly), since you and his son made each other happy. Neteyam was pleased when you told him you were departing with him.

So there you were, well acquainted with the Metkayina, and accompanied by your dearest friend. Aside from Aonung's pestering, you could put up with it since you knew Neteyam would safeguard you.

However, the more time that you spent with the sea people, the more you began to suspect that it was only you who had detected something between you and Neteyam. You stopped sending hints, even if he overlooked them unintentionally, as it stung too much to persevere.

Aonung eventually stopped attempting to harass you, and you even developed a pleasant friendship with him. Tonowari, his father, had him apologize for his poor behavior; after that, he was actually fairly delightful to converse with.

This was your life now.

...

Neteyam sauntered along the coast, followed by Kiri and Lo'ak. He couldn't take his mind off you; were you safe? Was Aonung bothering you yet again? His father had chided him that he didn't need to be at your side all hours of the day, but he didn't quite understand why his father was amused when he talked about how Neteyam behaved with you. You were his best friend, of course he’s worried!

Regardless, Jake instructed him to keep an eye on his siblings, so he didn't have much of a choice in abandoning them and running to your rescue. Not with Lo'ak prowling behind him in search of trouble.

Neteyam maintained his walk, thinking to himself that he was exceedingly fortunate that you had left the clan for him, and although he wouldn't say it, he was overjoyed.

What he wasn't so thrilled with was how he'd discovered you'd grown closer to that jackass Aonung. You could talk to anybody you pleased, and he knew you were far too pure-hearted to entirely dismiss the Olo'eyktan's son, but why did he feel so bitter whenever he saw you together?

Speak of the devil.

Kiri pointed you out, but when she saw who you were with, she shuddered. “Look, it’s Y/N! And... Aonung.” She deadpanned.

Neteyam was paying little heed to what his sister was saying. No, he was paying close attention to how you were giggling at whatever Aonung said.

What the fuck?

Lo’ak nudged his shoulder. “Bro?”

Lo'ak waved his hand in front of Neteyam's face, which he instantly swept aside. What exactly did Aonung say to make you laugh that hard? You only laugh when you're with him!

Neteyam was practically seething, his fists clenched into balls, as Kiri and Lo'ak snickered to each other out of his earshot. If Kiri didn't know any better, she'd suppose Neteyam was thinking about the finest ways to strangle a (what might as well be) merman.

And truly, he was.

Lo’ak held his fist to his mouth to stifle his laughs. “Dude, are you jealous?”

Kiri placed a hand on Lo’ak’s shoulder, and looked away with a smile plastered to her face. “He totally is.”

Neteyam’s rage was now being directed towards his siblings. “What? No I’m not! Why would I be jealous?”

Lo’ak was still chortling when he pointed behind Neteyam, motioning that he should probably look. He turned around indignantly, and saw that Aonung had a hand on your arm. He was close. Too close for his liking.

And that look. Anyone could see that Aonung was flirting with you. He was maintaining direct eye contact with you, narrowing his gaze. He appeared to be listening carefully to what you were saying, but his smirk paired with his eyes passing over your lips indicated otherwise.

Neteyam just wanted to pummel his stupid, blue face in.

Kiri and Lo'ak burst out laughing as they witnessed Neteyam storm over to where the two of you were. He aggressively inserted his own hand where Aonung's own had originally been, shoving your body into his own by the shoulder. The unexpected intrusion caught you off guard.

“Oh! Neteyam!”

You beamed at his arrival right away, but Aonung frowned. Before you could enquire what Neteyam was doing, he stared daggers into Aonung's head, and hauled you away from him by your bicep. Aonung remained there stunned, staring at your back as you walked away.

“What the hell?”

Kiri and Lo'ak tripped over themselves on their way over to Aonung, howling with laughter, and Lo'ak smacked his shoulder in amusement.

“Sorry cuz, you never stood a chance!”

Aonung’s cheeks darkened deeply. He was thoroughly mortified; he had no idea you were and Neteyam were like that! (You’re not.)

...

Neteyam began to lose confidence throughout the walk once he had pulled you much further away. While you shouted at him to let you go, he inwardly cursed at himself, wondering why he had just done that.

Does he like you?

Your vehement protests about how Neteyam was causing you pain eventually ceased falling on deaf ears. His rage vanished when he realized he'd been treating you like a ragdoll for the entire walk, and he immediately felt horrible. He let go of your arm and buried his face in his hands, ashamed that he had done such a thing to you in the first place.

You rubbed your sore arm, and nudged his shoulder gently. “What’s wrong?”

He looked way too upset, and you rarely saw him like this, if ever.

“Why was Aonung looking at you like that?”

That struck you with irritation. “Are you serious? That’s what this is about?”

His eyes darkened at your words. How could it not be?

You started to raise your voice. “You cannot be for real. You’re just my friend, why are you being so overprotective? If Aonung likes me, that’s my business! Not yours!”

Neteyam snatched your wrist again, evidently upset by what you just uttered. He didn’t know what he was saying anymore. “The only person that can look at you like that is me!”

You went quiet for a time, then realization dawned on your features. “Hold up... do you like me?”

Suddenly, Neteyam’s gaze softened, and he could no longer be furious with you. “How could I not?”

He released your wrist, unsure of what to say next. When he noticed your prolonged silence, Neteyam whirled around, prepared to walk back to his home and cry his frustrations out. He was fighting back tears already; what was the point of telling you this anyway?

You gripped his shoulder and forced him to swivel around and face you. Neteyam could not cover his face, and he felt humiliated because he didn't know why he was acting in this manner. Why was he weeping over a silly look?

He was caught by surprise when you cupped his face in your hands, and wiped the stray tears away. Your irritation had completely dissipated. “You have nothing to be worried about.”

He sniffled. “Why?”

“Because I’ve liked you since forever, but I didn’t think you liked me back. There were so many mixed signals, and you never picked up on my hints, either!”

Neteyam was taken aback. He was at a loss for words.

You rolled your eyes. “Just kiss me, you big idiot.”

Your hand that was on his shoulder was now suddenly imprisoned in his grip, and he jerked you towards his body, lips crashing into yours. He pressed against you with ardor, as if you'd vanish if he didn't embrace you like you were the last Na'vi on Pandora.

Your nimble fingers found purchase in his braids. His hands slithered around your waist, drawing you flush against him, effectively deepening the kiss. He needed you so near that he could only sense your lips against his. When you would try and pull away, his desperate kisses would follow.

You feared Neteyam had forgotten you needed to breathe, because you had to roughly pull his head back by his braids to eventually get him to halt his feverish actions. The minimal bit of pigment on your lips had now smeared, a mark left by Neteyam that claimed you as his. Who the hell taught him to kiss like that?

As you both merely stared at each other, stunned, Neteyam spoke through labored breaths. “All mine?”

“I’m all yours.”

Bonus!

Lo'ak sipped his fruity iced drink, having witnessed the entire exchange from a distance. He patted Aonung's back.

“You wish that was you, huh?”

Aonung punched him.

[fictionalreads]

Could you pls do an Armando X reader angst where he shoots her instead of Mike🙈 Idk what their relationship is so you decide lol LOVE LOVE LOVE UR WORK!! I hope I make sense😭💗

AWE THANK YOU! This made perfect sense to me, and I just hope you like it.🥰 Title is from Goodbye by Victoria Monet. Don't forget to comment, like and reblog. Let me know how you guys like it.

After You, I'll Never Really Use My Heart The Same

Pairing: Armando Aretas x Reader

Fandom: Bad Boys Movies

Warnings⚠️: Angst, canon typical violence, like one or two cuss words

You’d been in love exactly one time.

You found being vulnerable, opening yourself so intimately and trusting them to accept and celebrate you as a person, difficult. Which was crazy because your job as an undercover cop meant you had to allow parts of yourself to show. The only way to truly fool someone is to stick as close to the truth as possible. You were good at it, faking the openness and trust. But maybe it being fake is precisely why you found it so easy. 

It wouldn’t mean anything.

Armando Aretas was different. He saw through the facade you’d adopted while in Mexico, working on a joint task force. He’d made his way past your usual defenses, no one else in your life ever bothering to try to truly know you as deeply as he did. It was like he saw straight through you, through all the hurt, through all the bullshit and pushed you to be the most honest you’d been in a while, even to yourself. 

The first time I love you's had been exchanged, it had been a fight. You didn’t want to admit it and he refused to let you hide and not face how you felt. You tried to tell him it wasn’t true, but he just told you he was just as afraid as you were and you could be scared together. You knew it was doomed, you were an undercover cop and he was poised to be a big name in the drug world, but you couldn’t stop it any more than you could stop a plane crash. You were meant to love him and he was meant to love you. Even if it had an expiration date.

So when the shot came, you knew exactly who had done it.

You had been waiting almost a year for him to find you and confront you. You knew betrayal was a sore topic for him so your betrayal would run deep. It would anger him and the longer he went without addressing it, the more it would fester. The longer he went without contacting you, the more you looked over your shoulder. You had signed up for this life, knowing that by showing criminals your face you were putting a target on your back, but you usually handled it well. This, like everything else with Armando, was different. You were genuinely afraid.

You had gone out to celebrate Marcus Burnett’s grandson being born. Lately you had been staying in, avoiding crowds out of an abundance of caution but Marcus had been a great mentor to you and you missed going out. After a couple drinks you felt more relaxed, even agreeing to be the endpoint in the ridiculous race Mike and Marcus were doing in an effort to prove they still had it.

One minute you were watching Mike and Marcus get set for the race and the next you were staring into the eyes of the man you loved. He had his visor flipped up, no doubt so you’d know exactly who it was that did the deed. You saw the anger, the betrayal in his eyes. You also saw the hatred that masked the love and hurt in them.

You knew what was coming next, but it didn’t help you prepare for the searing pain you felt. The bullet ripped through your chest, the feeling of fire in its wake. You watched as he watched you fall from the impact before speeding off. For a minute it was like everything had stopped. You couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t see anyone else. It was just you left behind like nothing. You turned your stare to the dark sky, too polluted for stars and wondered if this was the last thing you’d ever see.

Slowly, the world started to creep back into your senses. You felt the hard, cool ground beneath you. You saw the group of cops standing protectively around you, holding guns as if the attack would continue. You smelled Mike’s cologne as he hovered over you, pressing into the wound in an effort to stop the blood. You tasted the metallic blood in your mouth, knowing that was a bad sign. You heard Rita screaming, asking if anyone had eyes on the shooter.

Even in this state, you knew they wouldn’t. Armando was good at what he did, he’d be long gone by now. Oddly, you were okay with that. Despite everything, current situation included, you were glad he managed to get away. Maybe it was because if he was caught he’d tell the people you worked with the truth and you didn’t want to face their judgement. Maybe it was because you still loved him and the thought of him in a cage hurt.

By the time the ambulance got there, you were fading fast. Marcus kept telling you to keep your eyes open and you tried but your eyelids were so heavy. You were okay with dying. You were okay with this being your end, with knowing they’d never find the connection between you and the shooter. If you lived, you would have to come clean, face him again and you weren’t sure you could do that. Death was easier.

Death at the hands of Armando was forgivable.