#idk if I even made sense but that's all good

[mythalism]

i think what people need to understand is that no amount of essays assuring me of veilguard's strengths, of which i agree there are plenty, is going to change the fact that the emotional experience veilguard prompted within me (and for many others) while i played it was a deeply negative one. discomfort at best, painful at worst. im talking stomach aches. visceral, somatic creeping disappointment and dread that i tried to fight for hours and hours but eventually had no choice but to accept. i stopped wanting to play entirely around 30 hours. i felt vaguely ill. i felt anxious. i could not sleep for a few days. and im not saying i felt sick because it was so bad, but that i felt sick because of the sinking realization that i was about to be terribly, horribly disappointed after so, so long. you could call me dramatic and im sure someone will. idk what to tell you. my emotions manifest physically long before they become decipherable or understandable to me mentally, especially when they're 10 years in the making. probably an autism symptom. regardless, it was genuinely pretty awful, especially because i had immense good faith for this game. i was so hopeful and optimistic and generally thrilled and literally anyone who followed me before october 31 would know that. the emotional whiplash and crash was intense and devastating, and i was reeling for days. you cannot tell me that this experience was "wrong" or "toxic" due to it's negative nature. it was entirely involuntary and outside of my control, as i would expect many people's joy was. emotional reactions are not beholden to fandom discourse.

any post i have made criticizing the game since is attempt to make sense of the emotional roller-coaster of the past 10 years, this summer, and finally this game's release. i do not come on here and write out my criticisms of veilguard because i want YOU to dislike it too. the nature of my essays are not persuasive. if they do persuade you its just because i am a well-trained essayist. sorry. if they dont, great! that wasnt the point. i have no desire to change anyone's mind on the game, in fact i actually would not wish the disappointment i felt on anyone. the fact that i have a lot of followers who agree with what i say and who spread the thoughts i express across tumblr is literally out of my control. when i write out my long-winded criticisms, it is out of a need to express and externalize that sinking, cold feeling i had while playing, in pursuit of understanding exactly why playing that game felt that way to me. identifying, analyzing and verbalizing is the only way i have been able to process my experience. its confessional and therapeutic more than anything. it helps other people understand their own difficult emotional process with the game. its not an attempt to ruin your fun. my negative experience with veilguard does not invalidate anyone else's positive one.

i see so many posts acting like all criticism is an intentional, targeted hate campaign and i dont understand that assumption. to what ends? what would that achieve? why would i bother with such a thing? maybe that is some people's intention in the deep hater corners of this website, and im blissfully unaware. if it is, fuck them. its certainly the intention of annoying grifters, but i feel the distinction between transphobe grifters and devastated fans is pretty clear, so im not sure why the lines are deliberately blurred as if those groups are remotely similar. some of my criticisms come from a more objective place. the writing comes to mind, and it's a consistent criticism from thousands of players. but just because i consider it to be poorly executed, does not make it unlovable. and when i say that i think its poorly done, i am not saying that you cannot or should not love it, or that you are stupid for loving it. maybe someone out there is saying that!!! but i am not. things do not have to be perfect to be enjoyable. they dont even have to be well executed to be enjoyable. "i think x aspect of veilguard is poorly done for yz reasons" is a completely different sentence than "you should not like x aspect of veilguard for yz reasons". these are not the same statements. i see so many posts that are so vitriolic and acting like two experiences of this game cannot coexist, that one has to win and be objectively right, moralizing them on a false axis of positivity = good and negativity = bad, and acting like the existence of one negates the experience of the other. and why? why would that be true? i literally love so many things that other people think are absolute ass. i also love plenty of things that i myself think are actual ass. i love them anyway. this is allowed and really fun. i am not sure who told you that it is not.

however, i have just as much of a right to express my disappointment as you have to express your excitement. i am genuinely happy for everyone who loves the game, i am glad it resonated, or that you saw yourself in its characters, or that it just scratched your hyperfixation itch. but whatever je ne se quoi it had for you, it did not have for me. i have written out so much criticism about so many aspects of the game, but fundamentally what it comes down to and what i cannot express in words is that while i played after waiting 10 years for that moment, it felt wrong. it wasn't that i had specific expectations for game story that were not met, in fact, it exceeded my expectations in a lot of ways. i mean that in terms of how i felt, something was off. it did not resonate. it did not land. it did not hit the right cord with me. i did not have enough moments of joy to outweigh the feeling of emptiness. i did not walk away from it feeling the way that the previous games made me feel. and ive been trying to figure out exactly why that is for three months now by talking about it with people who feel similarly. i am not sure that i will ever be able to analyze my way into figuring it out. it might just have to simply be that it left me bereft.

and so my posts are not anti-veilguard hater propaganda to make you feel like shit for loving the game. rather, they are me verbally processing exactly why i feel like shit so i can hopefully stop feeling like shit. to assume that people who are trying to process these negative feelings are toxic and intentionally malicious is a projection made in bad faith. i love dragon age, and it is because i love it so much that it disappointed me, and it is because disappointed me that i have to verbally process it on tumblr.com so that i dont go absolutely insane. i tag my posts properly. i do not go into tags where i do not belong. i do not rage-bait. i am participating in post-partum dragon age therapy between me and my followers. if it ends up on your dash, sorry. my therapy is popular i guess. so please for the love of god enjoy the game, freely and enthusiastically. i am happy for you. i will sit here and be jealous that it spoke to something in your soul that it unfortunately did not speak to in mine, and nothing i say can take that away from you. please stop interpreting it as an attempt to.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/772982617698074624/i-havent-been-on-social-media-much-recently-so

Clarification because i think it's been misunderstood:

The way i use it is if i'm stuck on research i ask it to find me sources which i then check, i don't just ask it a question and take whatever answer it gives me. The research project i was talking about was about a very specific topic and i previously spent hours trying to get google to give me any useful results because all it gave me were articles about broader semi-related topics. And the introduction i had it write me was literally just for the sake of having something on the page that made sense, i completely re-wrote it afterwards.

As for writing, i don't ask it for plot points or anything, i have those completely planned out. I just have a tendency to get stuck, especially when it comes to going from one plot point to another and it genuinely helps to just ask like "how could i transition from this scene to that major thing that has to happen" and have it spit out some general ideas on how to lead into it.

Because in my opinion the problem isn't using AI, the problem is NOT using critical thinking. Yeah it's unreliable as a source. So are friends. It definitely gives you some ideas that are just stupid. Guess what, so do my friends and even other writers. Which is why when you ask other people, you think their answers through and check the information they give you. Same principles apply here.

Believe it or not, a dumb computer CAN have good ideas and give good critiques, it's just that you have to treat it the same way you'd treat, say, your 15-year-old nephew who isn't a writer but is currently the only person you can ask for ideas. And having it analyse your characters is quite simply fun and for me it also worked quite well to get my brain back onto the story after months of not writing.

(Side note, i wouldn't recommend the standard ChatGPT for any of this, that one really does just suck. There's one specifically for creative writing that's miles better)

--

Some people talk to the action figures stuck to their monitor with much the same unsticking results, yeah.

Google has been getting worse and worse in recent years. It's definitely not the best way to find journal articles, though IDK what kind of articles you were after.

[stormlight-archive]

Hi it’s me from earlier! As I type this out I realize I’m just adding criticism rather than asking a question but…I’ve seen so many good points made about the way the darkeyes’ oppression was neglected in Kaladin’s later arc, and to extend on that, I feel it was discarded in Moash’s as well. After Elhokar, nearly all the people he kills/tries to kill are darkeyed and were victimized similar to him (Kal, Teft, Sig, Lirin, Leyten, the prisoners), the exceptions being Roshone & Navani. Which could be such an interesting angle to his character if intentional, but as far as I can tell it doesn’t seem like an intentional critique by BS. Which sucks because he’s a great character!

His actions make ok sense when he’s Vyre, but after getting emotions back, it seems ooc for him to be reminded of his vision of equality and decide the way to achieve it is…killing exclusively the group of freed Bridgemen? Not attempting to sway them, just butchering, as opposed to, idk, trying to go after actual, continuing perpetuators of the systems. And they don’t seem to be using him as a regular soldier even, just a Bridge 4 assassin

It feels like such waste of opportunity for others to either call out this irony, or for the books to use it to differentiate btwn Moash and Vyre & it felt anticlimactic that, getting emotions back, he just kept doing the same thing. I want to hope that this just setting up for a comeback later, but it irks me. And the criticism I see of him is always betraying his friends, but not betraying the values he was willing to die for, which is just as tragic/interesting.

Sorry this is SOOO long, and maybe my read is incomplete (it has been a while since I reread) but I really like your dissections of the series and am curious if you had thoughts on this as well. I think current villain Moash who had his original dreams from the first two books & was grappling with what he was willing to give up to achieve them would be infinitely more interesting than whatever is going on now :/ or at least, I would have loved to see others call out how he’s lost sight of his goals/is working furthering the goals of another tyrannical noble/is hurting almost exclusively his own community. The vision Todium gave him of an equal future in WaT felt, to me, like a cheap reminder to the audience of Moash’s og arc rather than a continuation/reminder that the systemic problems he fought continue to exist, kind of to the point you both made earlier

God I've written out paragraphs in response to this message but I feel like I sound insane. So I'll scrap it for now.

I'll just say that yes you are so right and it makes me so mad. Ive never been more disappointed with how moash has been written than i am with book 5, which says a fucking lot.

Such a nothing character. What the fuck happened to him

[zeherili-ankhein]

So little rant

There's this old woman teacher in our school and she teaches communication skills (literally dk what that is cuz I didn't learn a single communication skill, I'm still socially anxious)

So coming to the point why I don't like her

In one of the previous class, she asked us to share “an negetive incident that really gave us a thought”

So now all us lockdown era bitchass socially anxious kids with no experience and on top of that feeling sleepy so early in the morning said nothing to her

And most of the class was quite, mind you all the three sections of Humanities were together and the number of girls was high (on that note idk why Humanities has more girls while Commerce has more boys in our school) and most of us were sitting at the left side of class for some reason

But that is that

So now a boy from our class (not to bitch talk but dude always gets favoured by most teachers but he's nice tho, kinda cute... he blushes a lot) got up to speak about his random experience with once helping his friend go on a date or something I won't elaborate

So even tho ma'am was not really satisfied with his yapping she said it was good enough

Now another girl from a different section got up to speak, she was anxious and stumbled a couple of times but spoke about her experience with an unfair math teacher that made her cry and lose confidence.

It was really a good thing to hear, and it felt so good that she took so much courage to share something like that infront of all of us bitchass people.

And ma'am was well with it too, or so we thought....

Untill she started to say and I quote

“thats why boys are more successful because they can talk about anything and everything even if it doesn't makes sense while girls don't succeed because they can't speak like boys do, until there's a good enough topic to talk about”

And OHH MAN I WAS FUCKING BURNING from what she said

Like woman why do you say such misogynistic nonsense to us???

Why TF are you favouring mansplaining and nonsensical yapping of men over women who got social anxiety or/and wants to say the actual things that need to be said???

What's wrong in staying quiet because I FUCKING WANT TO??

NO, WOMEN DON'T SUCCEED NOT BECAUSE THEY DON'T SPEAK. WE DON'T SUCCEED BECAUSE THE SOCIETY REVOLVES AROUND MEN AND ALWAYS FAVOURS THEM

JUST LIKE YOU DID JUST NOW

I was so mad that she said that, because how dare she.

In a school.

As a teacher.

Infront of young girls.

To whom she's supposed to be someone we should be looking up to.

I hate her from that day, and I'm never ever liking that old woman ever again. She's annoying. I hate attending her meaningless classes. I hate seeing her face. I hate listening to her. I hate her. I hate her so much.

[1goatman1]

I WILL TRY??? IM SO BAD AT ARTICULATING MY FEELINGS AND IM RUNNING ON NO SLEEP BUT HERE WE GO MY THOUGHTS ON FUUTA it got a bit long so. under the cut

the thing that drew me to him (and got me into milgram as a whole) in the first place was the fact that his songs go absolutely insanely hard. and theyre exactly my taste in music

hes an angry little guy and i am drawn to angry characters like a moth to a fucking flame, i have NO idea why, its facinating to me

hes red KJASDHFKJHASGDFKHJ my fav colour....

i think the fact that. i can SEE I CAN SO SEE HOW HE IS WHEN HES IN A GOOD MINDSET. because i dont think EVEN IN BRING IT ON hes in a good mindset i think hes in a not great place in bring it on he just doesnt really realise/acknowledge it. but i can SEE how he would be when happy and the fact we never really see that makes me insane

that paired with the fact that That Happens in trial 2 and we see him so broken and so so afraid which is SO unlike him hes usually hiding his fear behind 100 layers of anger like in his first voice drama it just did something to me and now i have like this primal urge to protect him KJHASGDFKJA

ive always been drawn to characters that deflect/bottle up like crazy

that being said hes also like a feral dog to me and he makes me a feral dog when i see him

he had ISSUES growing up with his parents (dad) which im normal over

HES A LITTLE BROTHER????? i go insane.

im repeating my points but he hides everything behind layers of anger because he thinks that makes him look stronger and it makes him FEEL tougher but really hes terrified

like hes an adult(not really) hes 20 and if i was like 15 when i got into milgram id be like yeah ok hes an adult hes a bit like. thats a weird way for an adult to act ngl even if i am a sucker for the angry characters. but the fact im HIS AGE puts him more as a kid in my eyes because lets be real 20 is still super young. and the whole. hiding his fear behind anger thting is just SUCH a child thing to do to me and i think that just makes me want to protect him MORE

that paired with the fact in the trial 2 interrogation he says the person he wants to see the most is his MOTHER???????? and iirc he says it using a really childish uhh dialect(? idk the word) im insane. hes just a boy in way over his head help me

he also says he just wants something to rely on AUUUUU I CAN HELP HIM I CAN MAKE HIM BETTER I JUST KNOW ITTTTT

my love for him is a healthy mix between wanting to protect/help him, relating to him just a little, and him just being like. if you got every character i ever liked and made the "perfect" character for me it would be fuuta SJFHGSAKDFGASJKD

all that being said i love love love how nice he becomes to mahiru after kotoko happens. trauma bonding frfr. im so excited (scared) to see his reaction to uh. That. in trial 3

WITH SHIDOU TOO i think T3 shidou + mahiru will break him a little bit which will just make me wanna help him even more

hes SO SO NICE BUT LIKE. DOESNT SHOW IT???? in t1 interrogation he says harukas young so he takes care of him (plus when he completely 180s on that in trial 2, AUGH im hurt), + what i just talked about with mahiru, hes really actually nice but he just. puts on a front so it doesnt look it.

i also think hes not actually THAT uhh aggressive with like. "people who do bad things are scum" i think he just played it up to fit in with his friends and then at some point he forgot he was playing it up if that makes sense.

playing off of THAT i have like 0 evidence for this but i know in my heart he didnt really have any friends at uni and when he started to kinda become friends with the group from bring it on he like changed himself to fit perfectly with them and it backfired horribly i just KNOW IT i have NO EVIDENCE but it HAPPENED TRUST ME . and that makes me insane also

anyways. im repeating the same points over and over so.

oh i think hes adorable too cant forget that. pretty boy

and he triggers my cuteness aggression like no one else does okay im done now JKHSGFDJKASDFA

Guys, please help me out, I wanna see something here!

If possible, can you guys tell me your favourite Milgram prisoners and list out all the reasons why you love love love love love them so much, as many and detailed as you can? (Appearance features that stand out to you; Personality; Character Quirks; etc etc. Everything you can think of!!!)

Thank you so much! 🙇✨

[scoliosisgoblin]

Which version of Rick is your fav?

it's so hard for me to choose tbh. HOWEVER, I'd say Evil Rick

then I'd say it's C-137 and Memory Rick

I love how pathetic™ Evil Rick really is tbh. love that he's being controlled by his Morty. can you guess who my favorite Morty is?

[juniemunie]

[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]

Hitting a lil' too close to home?

[skunkes]

i fkeel like this is gonna sound kind of evil considering i am still primarily a digital artist and have been for over a decade but does anyone else still just prefer/appreciate a lot of things (art wise) when they're traditional... ive recently seen artists who do both and their trad stuff is always more full of life + texture vs the extreme smoothness of their digital stuff. or like. u could show me a print of digital artwork and id just barely give it a glance but make it screen printed and i might just buy it for that reason alone, even if the piece was digital originally (like most of my own screen prints)...idk what it is

[alongtidesoflight]

i swear my stepdad is so illogical AND stubborn it hurts

[what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque]

Ok I know I'm heavily biased here but like I kinda love that Astarion's romance is one of the few in this type of video game where you basically end up canonically unmarried and childfree in his "good" ending? Just travelling the world??

Like it's honestly the millennial dream lmfaoo cannot believe i chose what would undoubtedly be my favorite option, first try

[sanasanakun]

Jimithon Mouthwashing is such a good representation of untreated, enabled NPD like it makes me want to squeeze the life out of him. I'm endlessly fascinated when watching him interact with his crew, surroundings, and himself because he's so fucking lost in his own sauce. It's insane. If I'm being real, it makes him my favorite character in the game.

It's a little scary to say, but watching Jimmy is like seeing a mirrored version of myself two years ago before I truly committed to treatment for my NPD. He's like a shadow. The opening line "I hope this hurts," which I believe comes from Jimmy right before the crash, is such a poignant statement. It's a simple line, but I can tell you from experience that the desire to hurt others when in a narcissistic rage is overwhelming. It's such a good line to sum up Jimmy's character in that moment. Luckily, in the real world, I had my friends and family there to catch me when I hit my lowest, even though I'd hurt them so many times. Jimmy probably could've used friends to force him into therapy (cough cough Curly cough cough)

[cringefaecompilation]

mfw orym, guy with a missing dad who fucking despises him to the point he refuses to remember his first name and notably cares deeply or is overprotective for the vast swath of his surviving all-female family members starts talking about how "important the relationships between fathers and sons" are

[tiredgeekgirl]

fellas it has been three months since the beach episode and thinking about neil and eva in any capacity still makes me ILL

[spaceshipkat]

oh god stop whining about getting older. do yall realize how lucky you are? how lucky you are to have made it this far, to have survived everything life throws at you, to live in a world that others have worked so fucking hard on to make sure you have the best possible chance at survival. our ancestors did all this to ensure the world you inherit is better, easier, kinder, softer than the one they did. stop shitting out the self-deprecating “jokes” about getting old (they do not land the way you think they do. it’s just awkward), stop saying you’re “thirty-five years young,” stop claiming your life is over because you’re no longer in your twenties. do you know how many people would do anything to be where life is set up to help you succeed, survive, savor? do you know how many people died before they turned twenty-one when all they wanted was to live? to cook their favorite recipe again, to hug their best friend again, to watch the sun sink below the horizon again knowing that, in just a few hours, it will rise and they’ll be there to watch it paint the sky and prompt birds to sing. how dare you take for granted what the people who died too soon would have given anything to experience even once more. how dare you whine about wrinkles and grey hair and stiff, creaky knees when others have no voice with which to speak from beyond the grave, let alone callused fingertips to pet a dog, play a piano, peel a banana. how dare you whine about sagging tits and blurry vision and crow’s feet when you’re still alive to hear your next favorite song, to read your next favorite book, to meet your next favorite person, to eat your next favorite dessert. it is not a bad thing to age. it is not a bad thing to no longer be young or look youthful. your body has done the very thing it is meant to. treat it—treat yourself—with the respect you and your body both deserve.

[yellllowstar]

slowly I'm recovering the beauty of discovery

(creature by half•alive)

(textless + timelapse below cut)

[bythehearts]

not to bring tiktok drama on tumblr but like every time a ‘scandal’ comes out with one of these ‘production companies’ that make fan films i always hope we’re finally gonna discuss how they professionalize something that should be an hobbyist endeavor… and yet every single time i’m disappointed.