#idk idk idk i just. i feel baddddddd
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am i avoiding reading a fic i gotta cause i have blood/medical fears now and have the worst emotional regulation when it comes to angst? mayhapss......
#i am so so great at comunicating-#genuinely wanna make smth for the fic i just. cannot angst/gore til my med ishues are done#i have to get my blood drawn soon i cannot draw scary angsty blood stuff i will break down and pass out- genuinely that might happen#also illness update!! isnt stomy as much but i have now brain fuckary!!!!! and low blood pressure!#so theres actually a chance of me passing out or flopping over durring the blood draw#and vampires are just blood draws that are homoerotic and mabey let you know whats wrong with you#im sorry i genuinely feel so bad cause person seems so so cool and fun and i dont wanna go to em and be like#“no we cant do that specific you want for your side when i suggested us doing this cause i have *ishues* ehe give me fluff bitch”#idk idk idk i just. i feel baddddddd
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I wanna pick up a girl and pin her against a wall and give her lots of lil smooches while we giggle like the little gay goblin gremlins that we are
#thoughts#oni talks#sapphic yearning#oni has a crush#not really targeted but idk I wish I was buff so bad bro#the lesbian short person madness is getting to me I think#I want to bridal carry the love of my life plz thank#why workout why no just be buff lesbian already :(#also to be able to do those dramatic ass romantic dips during dancing#want the gorl to know I am stronq reliable and will never drop her (unless she wants me to in a safe manner)#this is why I fucking love water I get to be as buff as I want I can carry gorl no problem I can carry anybody in water I can be buff as fuc#I do also wish my arms were bigger so I could more effectively wrap them around people sometimes but that’s separate#maybe it’s just coz I had more alcohol than normal today but the YEARNING IS GETTING TO ME YALL#I wanna write lesbian music again so bad I wanna shoot gay little music videos with my paramour#sleeby bedtime where we read each other sapphic stories as they fall asleep in my lap or give versa or smth#but also girls in lap!!!! so perfect 1000/10 also just I wanna be buff so baddddddd#ship dynamics#idk if it counts but I feel like someone could make ship art with these ideas so sure#I wanna be good at dancing so I can be like a little lesbian doing the rose thing in the most dramatically gay way possible#I’m gonna be a Gay lil cowboy tomorrow for pride and the urge to dramatically tip my hat in lesbian is gonna be so strong
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i like thinking about Geto being quietly obsessed with grieving Riko. He thinks about her constantly and refuses to ever forget her, but he also refuses to talk about her. He has the selfish impulse that he's the only one who's truly allowed to grieve her because he was there when she died, he was the one who failed her. And I think he hates that he has that impulse because it's selfish, because Gojo failed her just as much as him, and Kuroi was her family and Riko meant so much more to her, but that isn't enough to stop him from feeling like he's the most deserving of the guilt and grief. And I think he can't ever truly see Mimiko and Nanako as their own people- he sees them as proof of his worldview, they are the reasons for his beliefs made human, but also. They're a chance at redemption. Theyre a chance to go home
#I'm going to claw out my eyes. Don't get me started on how much Mimiko and Nanako worship him#Which like. Understandable even if he doesn't deserve it- he saved them and he's fucking. Everything to them#But I just know their relationship is defined by the holes in his heart that they can't fill#Because they shouldn't have to. They should be allowed to be their own people. He should love them for who they are as themselves#But he just tries to cover up the holes that watching Riko die and cutting Satoru off left in him#And it makes me sooooo sick. This guy SUCKS so baddddddd I love it#Messy nasty selfish grief that ends up being warped to the point it's a disservice to the memory of the person being grieved#I could probably also talk about how I feel like there's an undercurrent of misogyny to it. As in I think Geto really idealizes masculinity#As like. A protector role in a way that doesn't truly respect women as people but rather as the vague idea of something to be protected#And he doesn't really. Work to form the emotional bonds that would be there in a respectful relationship. But he still forms natural#Emotional bonds as a consequence of just y'know. Being human and being with people- he just doesn't cultivate and respect those bonds in a#Way thats respectful of the women around him. And this is part of why I think Geto being transmasc is really fuckin good#Because it's the sense of idealizing a theoretically 'good' type of masculinity that still fucking actually sucks bc its a social construct#Created in a society that doesn't value/respect women and that devaluation/disrespect is baked into the idea of ''normal'' in a way#That takes actual work to like. Acknowledge and unlearn so that you aren't just a misogynist but Outwardly Nice about it#And idk exploring that with a trans man is really interesting to me in the sense of these things being learned rather than There From Birth#And I think it also can worsen the Misogyny issue because theres often the need to distance yourself from femininity/women as a trans man#To prove (to yourself or others) that you are truly A Man and that can lead to a reluctance to acknowledge the relationship you have to#Women and girls around you in a social sense which leads you to sorta default disregard them or end up less exposed to them as#Fully fleshed out people rather than vague figures who Exist and are Different in ways. Which leads to the misogyny that society gives you#Going unchecked in a way that can be either subtle and insidious or jus straight up obvious and gross#Anyway Geto has a bunch of complexes and needs to. Idk what he needs maybe he should play disco elysium#I highly doubt it would fix him but I think it would be really interesting to see what it does to him
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I do think after the movie Leo would reflect on his behavior of kind of always lashing out when he gets criticized or w/e and turn into like a slightly gentler version of that (something something leaders should know when to listen to people and when to go lmao no get this fucker out of here) but those are like the ONLY times I can see him actually considering pleasing people and even then he wouldn’t become a complete doormat about it, bro absolutely knows when to put his foot down about things
honestly i feel like people who make leo shut down and close himself off post-movie kinda lost the plot LOL i wish they kept that deleted scene with him and raph and talking about leadership properly in, because its a very nice resolution to their arc and would line it out a little better
really i think the point was that he's becoming more open and softening instead of hiding behind his usual coping mechanisms, because he had to look past himself and realize they really WERE hurting the people around him and putting his brothers in danger. his desire to prove himself had a blast radius. he really does take after his dad like that [gestures at turtle dega nights]
and i think there's still ways to incorporate how fucked up that all was without denying the positive impact it had on leo's arc like,, grappling with almost losing him is of COURSE going to mess them up. in retrospect i think they'd KNOW he had to, and that it was the right thing to do, but that's what hurts about it. i always just love playing around with the question "how do you blame someone for doing something like this to themselves when there was no other way?"
i could really just never see leo as a doormat unless you break him baddddddd. which i suppose is possible LOL you go guys!! idk i dont read most leo-centric stuff (especially not things where donnie's the one unpacking his issues because i always feel like it sacrifices so much about him), i tried out a lot of it early on and didnt enjoy myself and then just didnt rlly go back
#ask#rottmnt#i do actually have some leo angst in my drafts. maybe i'll put it out at some point#and i mean there's a lot of it in cc. so
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Think fast would they have nipple covers that match their skin tones so it looks like they have no tips or have the covers match with the outfit // gets thrown into the shallows
Also I think it’s a silly thought that when Natsume and Tsumugi are playing flash Russian roulette sora just has a cute little blouse top like hell yeah go get it girl
I WANT THEM TO HAVE COVERS THAT MATCH THE OUTFIT SO BADDDDDDD BUT IDK WHAT WOULD BE SUITABLE 😭😭😭😭 i feel like covers that match would also just be too distracting and clash with the fit....... esp with the necklace alr being there itd end up too cluttered......... so i think itd have to be skin tone ones </3
AND EJSHDKHASHJF YES the sora privilege. she gets the cutest outfits while her seniors are stuck on fanservice duty. love that for them really
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man i feel really bad because i want to like c!techno since i like everyone else in the syndicate but like,,, he's such a ridiculously unsympathetic character aaaaAAA,,,, c!technoblade please give me a reason to like you
#c!techno critical#aaaaaa idk#phil and niki are sympathetic at least but idk technos just. there i guess. lmao#i just cannot bring myself to care about him and i feel baddddddd
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don't bully me :(
Listen bro don't get me wrong I love Takemichi but idk why sometimes bro makes me cringe reallyyyyyyyy baddddddd (in the anime) Its some scenes where its really awkward or he enters the room at the wrong time (There was this one scene i think it was episode 6? but he enters like a garage or smth and mikey, draken, pah-chi, and peh-yan just stare at him for soooo longgg and they are all like "HUH?" or "HM?" AND HE WALKS SO FUCKING SLOW OMG. and Draken is all like "NO OFFENCE but this is a IMPORTANT meetinggg") its those tinyyyy things that make me wanna cry from cringe and embarrassment... or maybe cuz its on dub?
does anyone else feel this way ?????
#anime#manga#lol#hanagaki takemichi#takemitchy#so cringy#send help#tokyo revengers#tokrev#tokyo manji gang#tokyo revengers manga#tokyorev spoilers
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Stranger things 4 incoherent thoughts
Eddie, 001, and Russian dude my favorite white boys
I really grew attached to Chrissy and they killed her....sadness
wasn’t that invested in Russia, only looked forward to seeing the Russian dude (cannot remember his name, was it Enzo or was that just a code)
Do ppl all just laugh and participate in bullying that blatantly? I could not stand everyone laughing and participating in bullying El.
love mileven, but Mike and El need to sort out their communication
Whenever Mike and El are in the same vicinity they kinda create their own little world and it’s kinda detrimental to their friend group as a whole? Idk I def like seeing them bond with other ppl and not just each other, as much as I love seeing them together.
I wish we saw El and Will with a closer bond? Or a heart to heart considering they were both deeply affected by the upside down but yeah
If Will does have romantic feelings for Mike, I really hope he wouldn’t be too torn up if Mike doesn’t return romantic feelings bc personally i see Mike as straight but idk, I like byler either way. Not too invested into ship wars and I feel thankful that I’m more detached to them
When Mike and Will’s reunion was super awkward and Will was being third wheeled, yeah that hurted
Did not care for the tension between Nancy and Steven
The lab guard guy being 001 and Vecna AND the son of Victor BLEW MY MINDDDDD, I saw a lot of ppl saying they connected some or all of it but I literally forgot everything bc I was multitasking while watching the season
literally when he and El were cornered by the guards and he started throwing the guards and shit with that little head tilt my mouth was wide open
I want to see Max and Lucas heal so baddddddd, absolutely adore Max
really sympathize with Lucas with his friends not seeing his star moment in basketball, when you feel so happy you accomplish something and none of the ppl you care about were there....hurts
Liked Suzie, did not care for that house as a whole
did not care for jonathan’s friend when he’s trying to be funny all the time, but he’s alright, love his hair
Waiting to see what the Cali group is gonna do next volume bc I cared more about them than the russian plot, but not more than the el and max group
love robin and nancy duo, please stop talking about steve (love him tho)
I need more eddie
love the gore and creepiness this season
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boyyyyyyyy. I am tired
#i'm really out here#absolutely fucking suffering#wanting to fuckin kill myself#my parents have just ruined me absolutely fucking ruined me for the rest of my fucking life#all i have to do is wait 6 more hours#but i deadass dont think i can fucking make it#its been non stop screaming#and indirect thrreats against me#and i just can't take this shit anymore#it makes all of my disorders fuckin clash and me trying to straighten everything out makes it 20x worse#all my friends are absolutely useless cause shockin they're never ever fucking around#like all of them will act surprsied when i move and cut ties entirely but like#jesus i feel fucking alone like its my tragic as fuck sophomore year#and let me tell you man that was a BADDDDDDD fuckin place#I feel like im fucking floating and everything is my fault and i just idk#this is all fucking absoultely pointless
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idk I just wanna vent hOGH I wANT TOP SURGERY SO BADDDdddd but I'm only 15 BUT MY PARENTS MIGHT LET ME GET IT AS A GRADUATION GIFT I'm just real impatient I want it now.
i feel u
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