#idk idk idk blocking is scary I guess? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

matchadobo · 1 year

Text

KIDD; overnight

wc: 1656 summary: stranger to lovers college au warning/s: none, sfw, afab reader, my writing style kind of changed here, idk if i like or hate it

you had just moved in your college dorm and your mates have invited you to go on the nearby bars fellow university students also go to, a mixer of some sort. you were kind of iffy about taking up the offer because crowds really weren't your thing, but this was an opportunity to meet people which would later be good for you. so you accepted it. only to have your mates wasted in the process, no companions whatsoever you sat alone in the bar. tons of creeps tried having their way with you, but you politely declined to avoid further conflicts.

that is until, he approached you. shimmying between the men surrounding you and thanks to his size, they backed off given his bold demeanor. tousled, red hair, pearly skin, sharp, golden eyes, and tinted lips curled into a scowl. surrounded by big scary men, this fellow seemed to be set apart from that criterion despite his aura.

he'd scare off the guys with just two words, "get lost." he'd soon ask if you were okay and tells you off to not be alone here at night. you reasoned out with your current situation and he snickered, "some friends you have." he'd then order a shot of scotch for you and him and ask, "do you wanna get outta here?" he'd stare directly into your eyes, genuinely waiting for you to answer despite taking a long time. "don't overthink it. but let me tell you something, you won't regret it if you humor me."

you were hesitant to comply but, god, was he so attractive. he didn't seem to have bad intentions either, after all he just saved you from a world of hurt. typically, going out with strangers is a big no-no, but there was something about him that draw you to him and you're eager to find out, to find him out. so you decided to fuck it, what's the worst that could happen?

so you'd go with him as he led you away from the bar. you walked alongside him on the busy nights of your town. your hands clasped behind your back and his were buried in either of his pockets as you two strolled to a more quiet road. you'd ask him his name and you tell yours, ask what his major is and exchange jokes here and there.

he goes by eustass kidd, he majors in metallurgical engineering and is a year older than you. he likes hanging out by the skateparks, karaoke and studio booths, arcades and bowling alleys, and that bar earlier where he and his mates do some gigs every now and then. he also lives a block away from your dorm house.

so you ask him where you two are going, he'll brush you off and tell you to be patient, snickering when he sees your puzzled expression. until you two reach a what seemed to be an abandoned carnival. it was dark and some crows were hanging around the railings. he'd look over his shoulder and tell you, "i always come here but got no one to take." you answered, "so i'm your first one here, huh?" he'd look down and chuckle, "and if i said yes?" you responded before walking away, "i'm special then."

you walked across the dimly lit place, rides with colorful designs are now muted from dirt and its age. to your surprise, the place suddenly illuminated from the variety of lights that chorused with the rides running. you looked behind you and saw kidd smiling with his arms crossed after he emerged from what seemed to be a staff booth. he sauntered towards you, "well? what're you waiting for?" the lights radiated the features of both of your faces. you responded with a smile and grabbed his wrist as you two headed straight for the drop tower, "you."

the both of you spent the night scaring yourselves from the horror houses and going ride after ride until you two got sick to your stomachs. you asked him when you two rode by the ferris wheel that moved a little too dangerous, "what made you think you should take me here?" he shrugged, before looking back at you. "hell if i know, guess you're a special case." a swarm of butterflies brushed by your stomach, rendering you a smiling idiot.

you didn't seem to notice the how fast the time flew by. you two decided to eat at the nearby diner that's open for twenty-four hours, his treat he says. you gazed at the clock and almost spat all the food you've eaten. you almost lost all air if it weren't for his firm but gentle pats on your back, he gave you water after stifling his laughter. "the hell happened to you?"

you hit him after catching your breath. "you jackass, i have first period in an hour!" you packed your stuff and hurried on your way back after thanking him for breakfast and bidding goodbye. he also waved at you and ate your leftovers.

your first period went by like a fever dream, running on no sleep and a full stomach. the high of your borderline date with that charming redhead was the only thing keeping you awake. the sheen of his amber orbs when he intently looks at you every time you talk, the way his canines tug by his lips with each smile and laugh, his playful insults that get sharper with each of your comeback, the way your knees touch when you two sit together and it sends electricity coursing through your veins, and how his wintry metallic scent never left your clothes and sinuses. the day went on and you didn't have the chance to see him again.

the next day, you found him waiting by the door of your last class when you left the room. he waved at you from afar, your friends asked you who that UNIT of a man was that seemed to be waiting for you. clad in a black, silk muscle tee that accentuated the tone of his body and jeans also in the same color, a simple outfit that seemed too deadly for you.

so you made your way towards him and asked, "what are you doing here? how the the hell did you find out my class?" he replied with a grin, "you told me the other day you wanted to hang out today, right? got your head in a flurry, coineanach (bunny)?" he ruffled your hair afterward, continuing. "you seem to badly need a break, aye? come, i'll give you a real stress reliever." you let him put an arm around you because you seem to fall on your knees from the weariness or for that fluttery feeling that suddenly washed over you. you gazed up at him, "this better pull me out of drowsiness, eustass." he chuckled lightly, "oh this'll wake you up, sleepyhead."

he took you to the same bar you two met, meeting up with who seemed to be his friends and waving at them from afar. then it all occurred to you, you looked at him with utmost anticipation. "you're gonna play?!" he smiled as he nodded at you, introducing you to his bandmates. he soon got on stage with them, giving you a wink before starting their performance. it made you question whatever the hell you two got going on; how he touches you, how he talks to you, how he looks at you, why he took you here, and how will this progress. it was a full-fledged war in your head. how attractive he looks while performing certainly did not help in sorting out your thoughts and calming down your heart.

the band dominated the bar, the thumping of drums and cheers of the crowd had taken the pandemonium up a notch. you soon got tipsy with the drinks to try and relieve yourself from the chaos that is your heart and mind. you didn't notice that the performance was already over and kidd was tapping your shoulder. "did that woke you up?" you noticed that he was a little too close to you so you can hear and see him because of the packed bar, you flushed red at the proximity that the mild scent of rum from his mouth wafted in your nose, so you excused yourself. he was calling after you but you blurred him out because you terribly need fresh fucking air.

you catch your breath, chest heaving as you held on your knees for support. you hear the door behind you open and shut again. "hey name, what was that? are you okay?" he placed a hand on your shoulder, only for you to flinch. "alright, damn. did you hate our performance that much? the fuck's going on?"

you started, "why did you take me here?" he took a few minutes before answering, "cuz i wanted you to see me play, if it ain't your taste that's fine-" you cut him off, "that is not what i mean, okay?! y-you were amazing back there."

with your words he suddenly grew smitten, like he read you so successfully and figured out why you're acting like a wreck. "yeah? you think so?" your eyes were frantic and your chest was in rampage, you couldn't look him in the eye and you kept chewing on your bottom lip. he stood dangerously close to you, his fingers raised your chin so he could have a good look at your flustered face. "you know why i was so amazing back there? it's 'cause you were watching, wanted to show off to this pretty girl i have my eye on." he tucked a hair by your ear, fingers ghosting by your cheek before it landed on your jaw. "seems i did well to do so, hm?"

you finally mustered out words, "so you feel the same way? you've been driving me nuts since i got here." he laughed, hugging you by your neck. "why do you think i'd take you to that carnival, huh?"

there was silence as you two basked in each other's embrace. until kidd blurted out, "your heart is beating like fucking crazy, damn i did that?!" you hit his arm and hid your heating face in his chest as he continued to tease and make fun of you.

this is kind of all over the place??? lmao

128 notes · View notes

factual-fantasy · 10 months

Text

26 askss!! ✨💖🐻💖✨

@milk-powrit

XD actually, Bibi never minded being the shortest. Because Jangles and I never made fun of him for it. But he's probably happy that there's now 2 people short enough to give him proper hugs 🥺

And to be honest, I haven't thought too much out about character facts :0 other than Cici is a smarty pants and can be a lil sassy at times XD But in a harmless/charming way.

Also oh yeah, Gerald loves puns. XDD Although he hasn't had any cake before.. so idk what his favorite could be. What ever is the funniest flavor I suppose XDD

@luckyglasses

AAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DD Happy holidays!! :}}

@deadly-skeleton123

Oh you're new to Tumblr? Ahhh word of advice then- If I may? It might be a good idea to change your profile picture. Tumblr has a big bot problem. And a lot of the bots have default profile pictures just like yours. A lot of people might see your account in their feed and just block/report on sight. Not fun.. also I suggest you do the same though, if someone with default profile picture, banner, no bio, no posts follows you... that's probaaaaably a bot and should be blocked--

ANYWAYS! So for the Captain Barnacles/Crab comic. I don't plan on finishing it. And the reason why I abandoned it was because the way I had written the comic had everyone acting out of character. The blood was over the top, it was too dramatic,, ugh.. I got tired of my own comic half way through making it. <XD

The comic was gonna end with the rest of the crew showing up, they take the Captain to the octopod, and Peso cries because "I was too scared to help the Captain.." Which is just stupid <XD

Peso would not cower in fear in this situation. Even if Captain Barnacles turned like that and became very scary. Peso has had an extended history of getting it together and braving through anything to help creatures in need. And if his own Captain/friend was hurt? Nothing would stop him. Nothing could scare him away.

In the perfect re-write, Peso would ace this situation. He would approach Barnacles perfectly and calm him down. He would patch the wound, guide him to the gups. Guide him into the octopod and into the med-bay. Expertly deal with the wound and clean up all the blood.

Sure maybe after everything was done he would cry a bit out of the stress of it all. But originally everyone else did everything for Peso because he was too scared to help the scARy CapTAIN OOOO!!

Nah, that dumb. Peso is way stronger than that. #justiceforpeso

I made one yeeeaaarrs ago when I was into Sonic. But it centered around a Sonic OC of mine. <XD I don't tend to do much insert OC stuff anymore..

I imagine Bonnie would just sigh and try to get through it on his own. And not go to Foxy for help.. Worse case scenario he gets overwhelmed and shuts down on stage and ruins the show. Which is fine by him. He'd think, "Serves them right for puttin me on that stage. Faz-bear entertainment deserves to have their show flop for how they've treated me.. for how they've treated us."

XDD Hey! That's Veggietales isn't it?

@elegysonnet

XD That's what I was thinkin! That, and they were basically fully fleshed out characters but their bodies just didn't exist yet. Since their future existence was so set in stone Jangles was able to connect to their minds..?? XD I guess??

Thank you so much!! :DD Also CAPTAIN BARNACALES FTWWW!! ✨💖🐻💖✨

@taizarack

XD New friend indeed! Cici is technically an old friend, she's existed longer than Jangles and Gerald! XD

@manybrokenquills

JOKES ON YOU I'M ALL OF THOSE THINGS XDD

Also thank you! I'm glad you've stuck around and like what you see! :DDD

@wildwitchofthewest

AAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDDDD

@smallangryartist

1: AAAA I'm glad it fooled you! When I drew it in I knew that anyone with a different Tumblr theme wouldn't be fooled.. but I'm glad I got at least 2 people! XDD

2: Also aww.. even if they were happy tears, sorry for making you cry! <XD

ALSO WAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DD Also also don't worry, I'm taking a nap and drinking water at the same time as we speak! XD

(Also also also that heart shattering might come sooner than you think..👀)

Nahh, my gnome is built different. All he needs to thrive is a steady supply of pepperoni pizza and a very large 3 inch deep puddle XD

@beryl-shade

Maybe! :0 At the very least I imagine they'd get along. My Seam is soft spoken, polite, mellow.. he's probably a nice person to share a cup of tea with! :}

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD

@coolkoaladeer @thesweetishfish

@boringa55binch

Its hard to say, I didn't ever like.. try to replicate an art style and draw something unrelated. Like- if I was drawing in the gravity falls art style, I was drawing gravity falls stuff. I wouldn't draw in the gravity falls art style and draw random ocs and stuff. If that makes sense-

But maybe one style was easier to draw hands in than another. So I.. might have adopted some stuff..?? I guess??

I guess that would mean my art style developed off of the different franchises I made fanart from? If that's the case it was likely Gravity Falls, Sonic x, and Steven Universe..? Mostly?? XD Sorry this answer is all over the place-

Many actually! Its just unfortunate because all of them are giant comic ideas but I'm too wiped out from my 20k celebration to really draw any of themmmm... 😩sighhhh

@funtimespringscare101

XDDD I'm glad you like them! And I can imagine that they might be shy to hug new people- but Gerald probably wouldn't mind! XD

@ayoshivader

Since that statement I have re-written the timeline.. So who's to say any of that still stuck and what her motives were/are now..? 👀

<XD I've never played the paper mario games so that's why I've never drawn them.. it sounds really cute though! :D

Taking the quilt off does nothing, the quilt doesn't bring them to life either! Remember that Bibi could talk when he was a still picture and was brought to "life" without the use of a quilt or even any glowy effects. Also Jangles had a quilt as a drawing and was "brought to life" using a pen!

The point I'm getting at is, Pen? Quilt? It doesn't matter. None of these methods actually give the characters life. I do. All these fancy ways I seem to bring them to life are just for show <XD

@housome

XD The first thing that came to mind was Freddy telling Fredbear about Gregory.

Freddy: "I'm keeping a child hidden in the basement.."

Fredbear: "...you're keeping a CHILD in the BASEMENT??"

Freddy: "LISTEN ITS TO PROTECT HIM--"

Also thank you! :DD

Naahhh he'll be fine 😉

And yay! Cici and Gerald!!! XDD

To put it simply, fanart makes me feel bad. And Comments make me feel good. So I prefer comments to fanart. 👌

To complicate it a bit, when I post artwork I'm just sitting there all giddy waiting for the first "AKSJKASAU WAAAAA 😭😭😭" comment to pop up. When I get fanart I immediately get frustrated and uncomfortable. Fanart feels like stealing and usually invokes a negative reaction from me. So if people want to show their appreciation for my work, leaving comments is 100% more effective and preferred. 👍

Also thank you! :DD

@scp-16217

XD These are great match ups!

#my response #factual fam #fnaf security breach #octonauts #undertale #deltarune #the amazing digital circus

107 notes · View notes

ave661 · 10 months

Note

I see your work EVERYWHERE! I follow you on a lot of platforms and I've always loved your modeling style.

However, being as good as you are there's alot of people (especially recently) who crop out watermarks and post your pieces elsewhere. Mostly on TikTok and Pinterest.

I'm an Artist myself and not long ago I deleted my Deviantart because I found my art on google and being reposted by others.

Is there any way at all to tactical things like this besides just reporting and blocking? It's scary being and Artist and I'm not that big at all, but I still don't want it to happen.

Unfortunately, in order to avoid reposting to some extent, I had to create accounts literally everywhere to be the first person to publish them. And it's true, for about two months I have noticed a very large increase of accounts stealing my and others art.. It's hard and exausting to fight them all. Sometimes I write private messages to reposters asking them not to do it and they listen to me, but there are also people who deny it and even block me lmao

I don't have a perfect solution for this, the only thing is watermarks, blocks and reports.

What I've noticed is that wms are most likely to be removed when they are large and noticable. When they are blended into the background, they stay (idk, i guess they are too dumb to look for them). When I make renders with several characters, I hide them on each of them. For example, someone stole THIS render and removed my watermark from Ghost, but didn't pay attention to the one hidden on Soap xdd

but what started to scare me is AI. About a month ago, I reported an account on Pinterest that was removing my wms and changing resolutions. 2 days ago I saw 2 tiktoks on my fyp with this new filter where my renders were also edited, and yesterday someone did THIS… so it's getting worse. I am bombarded with new problems from every direction and sometimes I don't know what to do because I'm not an expert. I am just like all of you and I just want to make art as a hobby and for fun.

Unfortunately, Call of Duty is a big fandom and there are some shits who want to take advantage of it.

So what I do is: -hide watermarks -post art in lower resolutions (if it is 2k-4k, it will be easier to remove wms and more likely someone will want to sell them as posters etc) -and I'm also starting to think about using an app that prevents AI from reading my stuff

at the moment I'm only focusing on situations when someone removes my wms or tries to sell them. There are so many reposters that sometimes it just overwhelms me

#but hey! as long as there are watermarks they are kinda advertising us for free...right? ;-;

54 notes · View notes

nintendonut1 · 1 month

Text

random gender thoughts smacking me in the face this morning lol

idk. i wish my voice could go deeper. i wish i didn't sound like a teenager. and i'm so paranoid about people hearing my voice and just defaulting to "got it, Nutty's a woman" when i really really don't want to be pigeonholed like that

it's already happened, i shared a clip somewhere and IMMEDIATELY got grilled by someone asking if i'm a woman and they pushed the issue so bad i had to block them

i guess i could try training my voice but man idk

just something i think about sometimes that bothers me, and my goblin brain is mean about it and tells myself "you aren't trans enough to go on HRT, let others have it and just deal"

I'm very lucky to be in a state where i have access to it. i COULD get it done. but starting the process is scary, let alone convincing myself that it's what i want and what i deserve

#nut up or shut up #rant #gender

11 notes · View notes

sodafrog13 · 5 months

Text

hotline 1 character gamer thoughts.. bc i've been thinking abt it a lot. under the cut for convenience :-)

jacket: fighting and racing games, also more "chill" stuff like stardew valley but that's just bc he likes running around and doing fuck all. if he and gf play together, she's managing the farm like she's running the navy and he's just off fishing or running around in circles while digging thru ppl's trash and maybe doing things on gf's behalf if she asks him to. he can fuck you up in most arcade games tho; he particularly loves those light gun ones and he's like scary good at claw machines (which is great bc he can win beard or gf prizes :V)

gf: she and jacket share a lot of the same tastes; esp when it comes to fighting/racing stuff. they're both pretty equally good at fighting stuff (jacket's a little better) but she's way better at racing stuff ironically enough, even tho she doesn't actually know how to drive. also enjoys boomer shooters (jacket likes them too but not rly to play; he enjoys watching her play them tho) and beat 'em ups. also a little more niche but i think she'd also like those types of games where you have to sort things; thinks they're satisfying and helps with her compulsive need to sort things irl

beard: i don't think he's much of a video game person but i think that guy would love any sort of table top game. like i'm convinced he would rlly fw m:tg and dnd, y'k? things that require a lot of thought and maybe theatrics (and also things jacket would very much Not be into but i think he'd go w beard to competitions as like. his moral support lol). video games wise tho, he'd probs like. idk, minesweeper or 2048 LOL something that's just kinda supposed to keep you preoccupied rather than entertained. but also maybe smth like inscryption and buckshot roulette; i think he'd like the style of those and the strategizing aspect (maybe not story so much)

biker: oh this guy would fuck so heavy w typing of the dead. that and shit like guitar hero; i know at heart this jackass has a little bit of nerd in xem no matter how much xe may try to deny it. xe's also into boomer shooters/beat 'em ups/shmups but also xe typically gets tired of them relatively quickly so xyr library is like filled w games of those types that all have like a max of 5 hours on them each; very much does not give a shit abt secrets or any sort of story aspect. can fuck you up in tetris tho, xe'd probs do that shit that doremy does where he places blocks on the beat of the music. also weirdly good at pinball but refuses to admit it

richter: this man has 1000+ hrs on tf2 and almost all of them are on sniper. he spends most of his time on never-ending ctf servers and has gotten accused of being a bot more times than he can count. the only thing that can prove he's not is the fuck all rare unusual he got by accident and australium stock sniper rifle. he does not speak in VC. he does not type in TC. he uses voice commands and taunts only. he can and will single handedly carry your team to victory. you should uber him, and i'm not joking about that at all. he is a man to be feared. he also helps his mom with the sudoku and crossword in the paper every morning.

richard: i think it'd like uhm. weird art games. or i guess, as jacob geller puts it, games that are not games. that and weird/horror/unsettling(?) (j)rpgs. LSD dream emulator, yume nikki, ib, witch's house, who's lila?, IMSCARED, and anything that's sort of... meant to be an experience rather than an actual game (drawing blanks rn but presentable liberty obvs comes to mind). likes to ponder/analyze things and also enjoys things where you gotta fuck around w the files to find out more stuff, it's like a little treasure hunt to it. also think it would like firewatch, both for the story and also bc it likes watching the sunsets in that game.

don juan: boomer shooters also but its mostly the newer stuff that catches her eye; stuff like the new blood boomer shooter trio (ULTRAKILL, dusk, amid evil) and cruelty squad would b right up her alley (and she'd totally be a tryhard about all of them). she also rly likes puzzle games tho! stuff like bubble poppers and tetris/puyo puyo tetris especially, but she can also keep herself occupied for A While just by playing solitaire. oh and minecraft. i think she'd rly like minecraft. terrarria, too, esp either of them modded, i think she'd have a lot of fun w them. def one of those ppl who gets all the minecraft achievements by herself, no cheats, on the hardest difficulty. bc she can, mostly.

rasmus: also not as big a video game person but they can and will crush you at chess (DJ's not as good but they play together sometimes; they specifically go easy on her). not as big a fan of it but they do also enjoy tetris/ppt; they and DJ will play together sometimes and rich will watch that shit like it's coco melon lol. part of me also wants to say they might enjoy desk jockeys? like papers, please and death and taxes (and i guess by extension, things that can enact moral/philosophical quandaries), but also maybe not; i think they usually get a lot more entertainment out of books and cinema/movies than games

#hotline miami #the trash speaks #trashcan's analysis #technicallyy hcs more like but i don't have a hcs tag and i don't want one

11 notes · View notes

overelegantstranger · 4 months

Text

madpunk inflected mental health and hearing voices talk under the cut

i've been thinking about the hearing voices thing. For a little clarity I'm going to define my terms. by "hearing voices" I'm meaning three things:

the near constant thoughts of "you should die, you should kill yourself, everyone would be better off if you weren't around" that happen on my period, and which always feel like they're coming from, if not literally outside my head, outside "my space" in my head. At at least one point, they felt/sounded like they were coming from a female, mother-y person, whose voice was very specific and distinct

the similar, but not identical, thoughts that can happen when i'm, or possibly Tank is, struggling with feeling angry or resentful or upset. The last time he experienced it, he described it as an internal radio he couldn't get away from, to the point of trying to physically block his ears and drown it out. These often start as like, for example, "I can't believe they would do that" and might be Tank's or my thoughts, and escalate until they become a "radio", causing feelings of anger and resentment that are disproportionate to the thoughts that either of us would have laid claim to

The having of at least two other people in my head who seem able to project thoughts to me. This one is, in a way, the hardest to identify, because I thought it was normal for a long time, and I don't precisely know how much internal dialogue is "normal" and how much is potentially included in "hearing voices". So say I might be saying in my head "I'm just feeling x, y, z" and then I might "hear" "yeah, because a, b, c", such as you might have when telling a friend what you're feeling. and sometimes these dialogues would confuse me, like, why am i having these "yeah, and" thoughts? it's just rephrasing what i JUST said, or put words on what was vaguely in my mind. But overall I thought they were just normal and maybe they are.

I've been thinking about all these, but particularly the first two. Initially I was looking into menstrual psychosis, because psychosis is a "scary", stigmatised term and I wasn't sure if I had discounted it because of stigma (context: I maybe have PMDD but the timing is always on my period, never before. But menstrual psychosis, while timed correctly, doesn't seem to match my symptoms).

And I just kept thinking. There was something about being at therapy on Monday, and being openly plural and talking a little about my childhood, and having my pluralness accepted as fact, that made me kind of see it from outside and think that this isn't really super "normal", like, idk.

I guess, because my mum has depression, that me developing an intense anxiety issue and even OCD, is "normal". I realise for most people this is an Issue, but for me, while it's scary and awful and disabling, That's Just What Brains Do. I have at least four generations of mental health problems on that side, you know? I have just sort of absorbed the idea of being mentally ill without it shifting my mental perception of myself, because to me, it was as natural as being blue-eyed.

But now, I'm beginning to both clearly see that firstly, my anxiety and ocd was not a forgone conclusion and not an unfortunate genetic side effect but instead a response to how I was raised and how fucked up my childhood was, and see that what I'm experiencing now is something that someone outside of me might call insane (no stigma necessarily intended; we're a madpunk household).

Like, I was, while living with my parents, actively experiencing symptoms that are socially a shorthand for "insane". I still am now but the point is that that was so invisible I didn't even recognise it for the potentially worrying symptom it was. And maybe in a clinical sense what I'm talking about Isn't really hearing voices. I don't really know. But the point is I'm finally seeing myself as actively, actually, mentally ill, due to largely avoidable incidents and patterns of behaviour from my caregivers, and that those patterns of behaviour have, and i'm using this language for emphasis, actually driven me insane.

7 notes · View notes

corens-relisten · 1 year

Text

MAG 13 Alone

OMG EVAN LUKAS?? LIKE. THE LUKAS FAMILY? LIKE

spoilersss!

LIKE PETER LUKAS, BITCHARDS WIFE?? is evan his son or smth???

also evan saying that his family is "very religious" is honestly pretty funny to me. like yup. theyre serving a fear. just like. yknow, that fear thats pretty much abt depression? yup my fam rly likes them

and bro was like fuck u imma have a social life. and it worked?? i wish it was that easy

anywhoo this is the Lonely, of course! i actually wonder if evan saw the Lonely developing within naomi and wanted to stop that. huh

spoilers donee

so, first in person statement! i kinda thought that would be melanie? oh well ill have to wait a little longer for her (':

this is another one that i dont remember, but as soon as i started listening, i knew what was going on. just that initial memory block, ig

overall, i never found this one very creepy, just bc a disembodied dead voice being like "turn left" instead of. idk. smth spooky or "ily" or things like that.

i think i found it too relatable to be scary. just, normal, i guess, to me. not getting lost in mysterious fog and getting hit with a car, of course! but naomi, shes just so similar to me. hahaa

oop another michael lmao. this one hit naomi with his car.

well, heres my offering!

okay, i dont have an excuse for this one, i just like martin (:

have a nice day!

#coren's relisten!#jon archivist #jon tma #jonathan sims #tma #the magnus archives #the magnus pod #the magnus archives fanart #magnuspod #the magnus archive fanart #naomi herne #the lonely

27 notes · View notes

cannibal-nightmares · 5 months

Text

did you know may is mental health awareness month?

text under the read more: an unreality ramble about my dog. he is a good boy.

have a peaceful song -

where do I even begin

I guess I'll start with that I don't like talking about my delusions. there's some I want to talk about but can't because they're either scary and/or too confusing in that theyre too real. or im "not allowed" to. but this one exists in a neutral space, so a neutral story this will be

I only got him when he was 1½ years old and he was kenneled at the shelter w another dog identical to him, but if he wasn't someone's service/emotional support animal, then he must have been in a past life. or he has a human consciousness. or something. my friends joke about the latter often but I'll get there in a second. the way he responds to my emotions and actions is uncanny. he is a rather quiet dog, but if he notices me freeze up and go quiet to an uncharacteristic degree, he will very blatantly try to get my attention. if I lie on the floor from anxiety, he will lie on my legs; if I lie on the floor in being depressed, he will get in my face. he's intervened self harm (namely hitting, but, if he's alert, he's interrupted trichotillomania episodes). The thing is, idk where he gets it from. I didn't train him to do any of these things

my friends joke that's he's "just a dude." "a man in a dog's body" etc. it *is* a funny joke. he likes people more than other dogs; his eye contact is oddly human-like (ask my friends). it *is* a funny joke, and the following isn't directly related, but I do have great fears about him. some of which the noise isn't going to let me say outloud here but. what I can: sometimes I fear it's true--an organic thought outside of what my friends have said, the two ideas don't feel the same--or perhaps that he was someone in a past life. or is a positive-neutral force sent to look after me. idk. it's hard to explain why while it would be/is theoretically positive, how it is still unnerving. and how it feels like something will change in one direction or another when I post this. I digress. He's just a guy. I have bigger fears on it, but that's the simple of it.

A coworker asked and suggested why I don't get a service dog. at first, I considered the question as courteous, but then realized... I struggle to walk my current dog, if I am honest. I do it, I take him out every day, etc, but as much as I got a dog to help me w paranoia, it has not curbed it. in ways, in ways, it has made it worse. countless of times I have tried to walk him around the block, made it halfway, and turned around due to feeling like a force was watching me, like something was waiting around the corner, like there were traps ahead, and many other more specific and pertinent things I am not allowed to say here (plus it'd be safer if I didnt). taking him outside is like flipping on a geiger counter to gauge the state of the day. I feel really bad for him in this. I can't imagine trying to get a proper service animal in these regards.

My friends like to joke that he's some sort of bending entity in that he's just shaped funny. I mean, he is. His legs are goofy-long, his nose is angled funny off of his snout, his ears are huge. Etc. But--again, separate from what they've said--sometimes I look at him and he doesn't feel real. It's difficult to explain. I look at him and it's like I'm missing something. Like how you can't reach into a tv and grab what's on the screen. idk.

The reason I'm saying all of this is because... As much as I am sometimes scared he isn't real to some degree, I consider that, even if he isn't, I think he's worth "wasting time" on. I love him, he's a good little guy, and so far, at least, everyone is pretending along. Sometimes I pick him up and feel like a question mark is above my head hahaha. Like I'm missing something. But he's worth my time. He's worth my time in the same way daydreaming can be fun. I don't know how to fckng word this. He is good. Real or not, he is good. I can't imagine trying to "prove" his "realness," and I also don't know how. I don't mind devoting time to him, real or not, because he is good. agh. I hope this makes sense. I've been sitting on these thoughts for at least three years now.

#my head is sickeningly pissed off that im posting this but i swear the ending is positive #cannibal-nightmares rambles #mental health awareness month #actually schizophrenic #Spotify

8 notes · View notes

poetic-beats · 7 months

Text

Sometimes when I come back to this blog it just makes me cringe. Mostly because whenever I’m manic I start a ton of new projects whether its crappy art, jumping around to different sites for my poetry that I eventually ditch, different business ideas that I start but never finish, bad poetry I have written things I like but there’s also just bad poetry that served a purpose for me to vent but objectively is bad. It’s also a very open book of the events and stages I’ve gone through and some of you have followed me from the beginning and I just cringe at the thought of what it must look like seeing my erratic postings. And it’s a monument to all of my sadness and trauma and struggles and I don’t find that a bad thing though I guess because writing was helpful and I’m not ashamed of what I’ve struggled with but damn this blog was almost as much of a mess as my mind. Life has changed so much in the 7 years since I started this blog, I’m 30 now which is scary to be so old ( I know 30 isn’t actually old old but in context of where I am in my life) and yet feel like I’m so behind in adulting. It’s like when I hit 30 in my mind it changed you know until I hit that number I was still in my 20’s even if it was 29 it felt like okay I’m not an ‘adult’ adult yet so it’s fine my shits not together but its like okay I’ve hit 30 now I should’ve started checking some boxes off the list and whilst some things have improved I still have a long way to go. I’m in therapy now I managed to start early last year privately ofc because NHS sucks ass. Luckily she’s good about pricing clearly not in it for the money; was my old MH teams lead therapist before she quit didn’t know she’d gone private, found her by dumb luck. She’s really good & it’s already helped me so much. I managed to acquire a few new diagnoses at the end of last year not a surprise though nothing new or unexpected as such but sometimes does feel like it’s a never ending list. Oh I got a second cat!!! His names Shrimp and he’s adorable. Bagel loves him I’ll have to post a picture of them both at some point and after having not written/barely written anything for awhile I recently started writing poetry again. Not sure why I slowed down/stopped I guess things got really busy & I managed/coped in different ways I also just kinda lost it like I had a mental block when I did try writing. Anyways so I wrote some new stuff recently sadly it’s not exactly happy it’s more of a throwback to when I first started this blog, writing as a way to cope in the moment when emotions were too much, to sort of purge it from my mind. I’ve had some difficult things to deal with and it’s been a lot so being able to write again is bittersweet. I also can’t vouch for its quality but hey it helped me cope so does it really matter, guess not. Anyways idk that’s enough rambling from me now don’t know why I wrote this out on here I mean my blogs mostly dead apart from these random check ins I do where I give these life update posts which I”m not sure anyone even cares to read because this blog is so inactive now but here I am doing it anyways.

#erin talks #prsnl #long post #not poetry #life update

11 notes · View notes

vypridae · 9 months

Note

HOPE YOUR HEAD FEELS BETYER!! HEADACHES SUCK

anywayys requesting mori or tecchou or fyodor for the character thing [or bc you don’t need to do all of them pick and choose <3]

DOING ALL OF THEM i cant do the doodles i dont have the motivation for art rn i lied about that BUT ILL DO ALL THREE OF THEM

under a cut because these got LONG

MORI

first impression

honestly i think when i first met mori in the anime i was like oh hes sweet i like him . then it was the whole "woah port mafia boss!!!!" thing and i was like oh hes sweet and deadly i like him .

impression now

i love him soo much did you know. hes so fun hes just a silly guy . silly !!!

favorite moment

honestly the moment (from the manga specifically) thats stuck with me the most was the frame that he like, put tachihara's hd hat on his head and was like "you dropped something" it just STUCK with me

outside of canon manga stuff tho i love the little intersection in wan ep 11 that hes like "WHAT DID YOU SEND ME DAZAI ... THESE ARE ... SCARY!!!!!" like hes just so silly i love him

idea for a story

genuinely i do not think about story ideas enough to have a solid one for him but if it counts i often think about him accidentally stealing one of fukuzawa's scarves from That Era i forgot how old he was at the time . and then just keeping it . and fukuzawa finds out somehow . i love them shut up

unpopular opinion

uhhh liking mori in general FSJKHASJKHASFJKG like have you seen this fandom . 99% of the people here fucking hate mori with a passion . and just liking him is super controversial . aside from that though ive seen analyses (tending to be like "mori and pedophilia" or something along those lines) and honestly they make me feel like hes just being really uuuh whats the word. really abstract with how he says things i guess? like one in particular i remember was a word in the original manga (jap) and he said a word that means both "wife" and "thing by my side" or something like that, when theres so many different words he could have used if he wanted to be Creepy specifically. idk theres my mori opinion its so controversial i know block me if u'd like but i love him

favorite relationship

HAHA zskk . easily . love those dumbass gayasses

favorite headcanon

uuuuuh . probably trans mori honestly FJKHASDFGHADFG maybe im biased (trans) but like ... idk i am very biased about this

TECCHOU

first impression

genuinely when i first met all of the hunting dogs i forgot all of their names immediately . as chapters went on though i think the two main things i remember thinking "hes adorable" and "hes in love with jouno 100%"

impression now

i . love him . so much . he is the silliest little guy ever and hes also me . also hes still in love with jouno btw

favorite moment

every one of them /j no but fr in specific i love the ant scene (it was one of the only ones i remembered from the manga after i read that chapter i think), the justice speech / kenji fight (GOD hes so cool) and when he gets hit by the car (that was THE FUNNIEST ever)

idea for a story

oh my god okay so imagine jouno is sick and tecchou is taking care of him . that is all

unpopular opinion

i dont actually think i have an unpopular opinion for tecchou . at least not one that i can think of???? like with tecchou i think most of my hcs line up with how a lot of the fandom talks about him

favorite relationship

EASILY WITHOUT A DOUBT ITS SUEGIKU OH MY GOD

favorite headcanon

he can cook !!!!! he can cook really well and i like to imagine even though he refuses to eat anything thats not the same color he likes cooking stuf he knows jouno likes and doesnt force him to eat any of his "weird" food combos because he knows jouno doesnt really like stuff like that so he cooks how jouno likes for jouno and how he likes for himself . UAHUAUAHGUA

FYODOR

first impression

i think i initially went "oh my god" when i saw fyodor . fell for him IMMEDIATELY and also initially hated fyolai???

impression now

still falling . now love fyolai . improvements !!!

favorite moment

YES. /j

in all seriousness, some of my favorite moments with fyodor are uuh

the dead apple scene where hes on the rooftop and goes "this is too much fun :)" because i think honestly that scene made me fall SO HARD . also he just looks really pretty there dont question me

time for happy group counseling hour !!!!!! hmm? hi everybody im your host fyodor dostevsky- okay hold up stop right there. whats the problem? exactly, what? exactly what what? ooooooooh . life counseling . < that whole scene

ALSO THE THE THE the tHE . WHERE HE KICKS NIKOLAI'S BOOMBOX IN THE MANGA. HSE SO MEAN I LOVE HIM

idea for a story

oh my god. ok so basically . connected oneshots but one member of fyosiglai is individually insecure for some reason and the other two are like FUCK NO YOU ARENT and love them and cherish and praise them until theyre like oguhgug

unpopular opinion

hes pretty i LOVE HIM hes SO PRETTY ive seen HUNDREDS of people say hes UGLY hes SO NOT UGLY i LOVE HI

(in all seriousness, ive seen a lot of people say he'd be like, an abusive manipulative awful husband / boyfriend / whatever, and i literally just cannot see that happening . like, i feel like he'd want the perfect world FOR his s/o, he fell for them for a reason sort of thing . idk maybe i just love him but hgjkahfjkahdfjk)

favorite relationship

fyosiglai. or fyodor and me /j (/hj)

favorite headcanon

UUUUUH UH UH UH UH UH OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MANY HCS ABOUT HIM I LOVE HIM hes a cat person thats one of my favorites . if there is a cat on his lap he will not move

i also love the idea that he cannot for the life of him play horror games because he gets jumpscared and screams and he HATES that bc "vulnerability bad" (nikolai likes when he plays horror games anyway he thinks its funny when he gets jumpscared and screams really loud)

actually scratch that . fyodor is just bad at video games because i love that idea . hes good at logic games but when it just comes down to "survive!!!" or "do this objective" or something i love the idea that hes just Dog Ass at it

#xanbox #bsd #mori ougai #tecchou suehiro #fyodor dostoevsky #originally in the mori unpopular opinion one i remembered the word thats not abstract mid sentence and then i forgor #feel like these arent very good sorry JAYAUIHASIJFHAJKSFD #been writing for like 30 minutes im so fr #xanthinks

10 notes · View notes