#idk i just know yknow. like ive always known

[judeharoldvich]

every time i start to question myself abt my gender identity and whether i'm a 'real' trans man i picture myself in my y13 or y11 prom dress and am overcome with such nausea i am firmly reassured for the next year at least

[maretriarch]

coming to the horrifying realization that i actually do want to be an artist while fully knowing how dumb and ill advised that is

[phagodyke]

I was on the wikipedia page for phobias just for fun but just discovered theres an actual word for a fear of being touched.. 🥹

[0rph1x]

agh the neverending problem of wanting friends but not knowing how to talk to ppl so i just end up liking a shit ton of their posts in hopes that it gets the message across KJGHKJSHGKJH so sorry to anyone subjected to it i am mentally ill

[kalashtars]

venting in the tags yippeee

[thegreatestheaver]

hm. i love to find love in all the small things. in the big things too. i dont really like to categorize love because i feel like it is all so strong anyways. no matter in what context its in. i dont think its fair to say i love someone else more than you because i love you in a different way than i love someone else. like.. whats the good in comparing two people? i love you both and i always will love you. ill love you in one million different ways. maybe ill do the same things for you like writing you a letter but each letter will still be different i guess.. both will be written with love but different types of love.. i find a different love in the warm wind and i find a different love in good meals.. ill find a diffrent love looking in your eyes and i will find a different love looking at a grasshopper on the pavement.. but they are all still just as special and i am still just as happy to see them yknow

maybe i should ramble about love instead of doing coursework because i love love love doing anything but what im supposed to

[cripp-tid]

hey err sorry for diverging from Normal Content lol this is a vent so its under a cut

im also open to advice/input from d/Deaf ppl but its totally not required 🙏🏻 ily all regardless

my exposure to d/Deafness is really ... complicated?

my father is hard of hearing from a severe cholesteatoma at 3 years old and then all the subsequent surgeries through his life. he has about 70%(?) hearing loss in his right ear

then you have my mom, who was in college to major in engineering until she switched to interpreting. she dropped out/didnt get her degree but that's unrelated, just know she really was invested in ASL until something happened

anyway im the 3rd kid. ASL had just been a regular family thing for years by time im born. ive known a fair amount of basic signs my whole life; i have memory of being super tiny and signing for milk or juice, short conversations with my family across the room as i got older, etc. my sisters talk about entire secret conversations my parents used to have in ASL. we never watched something on TV without subtitles.

i got a pretty big interest in ASL around my mid-teens but never followed through with it very well besides picking up on more vocabulary and watching Deaf youtubers

and now, here I am with Meniere's, completely unrelated to my father's condition, somehow slowly going deaf in the same ear as him. it's wild.

idk i guess I'm saying, especially these last few years having my hearing loss feel different from day to day... it's like ive always had one foot in each world. it's really kind of painful to think about, but i can never figure out why it hurts

i feel weird and i dont want to appropriate anything from anyone. it's just. what even am i? yknow?

* this is probably already known but just to be clear this One Post is not the full representation of my experiences 😭

[meet-at-tycho]

ahem.

no i fucking adore them both like WOW.. their laughter, i remember? one time i joined call with them and they were laughing when i joined from a joke and. it was the most beautiful sound in the whole world like i nearly dropped dead on the spot. it feels embarrassing to love them so much? but i do i really do!!!! like SORRY.. i cant help it, ive never been happier alright the least i could do is express it. its.

IT IS EMBARRASSING THOUGH, whenever im lonely i just pretend theyre with me. when im downstairs i talk quietly, to myself but in my head im telling them what im thinking about and my opinion on which fnaf game is truly the best okay like. when i sleep at night i pretend we have a sleep over because i think thats so sweet!!! infected my mind like a fucking PLAGUE actual vermin alright. SICKENING

i KNOW its. i know its weird and probably unsettling honestly but. ITS JUST HOW I COPE OKAY theyre so far away from me, i dont know if ill ever get to see them, yknow? NO NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH MY BESTIES..... BREAK MY HEART its the worst. this is how i cope with that 😞 IDK like

MAN i could go on and on and ON about it, the way im constantly having fun? and even when nothings happening at all, im just happy to be there. happy to share the silence with them, happy to listen to what they have to say, hear about their days, their feelings ETC like

theyre the kind of people you feel like youve known yr whole life yknow? people who have just cemented themselves in yr life so certainly, people who are imbedded in my soul right. I KNOW IM BEING SAPPY but im allowed okay im SAD.. i see them in all the things i do, i mutter their words to myself, im literally constantly saying i miss them in the middle of conversations with my sibling, they get annoyed BUT I DO...

yknow whats funny? anytime i go downstairs with my other friends on call i completely forget which ITS JUST IN MY NATURE alright once i focus on something else im GONE okay im coming back 45 minutes later one of thems gone the other one is asleep like. OOPS.. i was analyzing fnaf to my sibling thats my bad. but with them? its at the top of my mind. cant stay and talk longer, need to go back upstairs they are waiting for me!!!

i think its cuz.. to me, every single moment is precious. admittedly i am still scared to lose them, its just.. instinct at this point. i want to remember every day i spend with them, every conversation and. GRRRRR. i love them so much 🥳🥳 THEY CALL ME CIRCUMBINARY THE WAY I BE ORBITING TWO PERFECT STARS like wow. OKAY...

arent i the luckiest guy in the world? to have not one, but TWO people who understand me so deeply, who go out of their way to know me, to spend time with me ? it makes me tear up when i think about it IM FUCKEDDD man its so over for me. ive always been an outcast, feel like i never fit anywhere but. i fit HERE, this is where i belong!!! thats how they make me feel every single day :]

knowing them has me seeing sunshine and rainbows for the first time in my entire life like. i worked fucking hard, i got myself out of hell but after that i was alone again... not anymore!!! happy.. im happy. all theyve had to do was be here and im more than content, all they had to do was EXIST!!!

stars align in the weirdest ways, but im glad they did 🥳🥳🥳 peace and love on the planet earf

[goremet-chef]

i love polyamory 🗣‼ life changing for real like. IDK i think a lot of my disconnect to things directly comes from autism so to ik to a lot of people they CANNOT imagine such a thing but its pretty easy for me? like its just a bigger relationship its great, i work better in groups anyways thats why like all of my self inserts are inserted into polyam relationships. if its not virginia and kelvin, its link and sidon, papyrus and mettaton LIKE. SHIT LIKE THAT its just second nature for me.

(didnt mean to ramble so hard but welcome back to dominics yapping club today we're going to be yapping about my connection with romantic vs platonic love because its my tumblr and im here to YAP)

i guess that disconnect honestly. i STILL really have no idea if im actually aromantic or not. like i do a lot of yearning but am i REALLY yearning? i cant read myself so i have no idea like genuinely it is a FULL mystery who knows!!!! i think maybe like. okay it falls on bpd and how that affected my relationships, when i think back to it i can tell everyone ive ever been in relationship with, they were my FP so maybe i did love them? but i know i was also obsessed like.... listen looking back on younger me clueless to what bpd even was, having a mental breakdown in middleschool cuz yr online girlfriend made matching icons with HER AND HER FRIENDS FURSONAS..... like genuinely i was SO CRUSHED i thought it was over and done and i was like what about all that we had!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO DRAMATIC OKAY... i dont blame younger me cuz he couldnt have known but like... the signs have always been there KSFS im a lot more. managed now, at least i try my best to be and from what i can tell in my 'recent' relationship adventures, one of them i was ONLY obsessed with for a little while cuz he gave me attention even tho he sucked a little and then the obsession like.. faded. it was over and i said goodbye and that was that (which. IK IT SOUNDS AWFUL but it was one of those sexual interest things and outside of that attention, he was very manipulative and honestly a little rude so. i did the right thing idk why i keep losing the relationship lottery)

i guess i just get nervous about that happening again, but like. im slowly realizing i can be obsessed with someone yes, but i can also love them. i think i spent a while there like.. discrediting any of the love i felt for anyone because it was accompanied with obsession, but thats not true!! i did love them, i loved her and i loved him and it all like. idk its a lie, ive been lying to myself and saying im only capable of brutal obsession when its not true, i can love too. i love all the time!!!!! i love my pets i love my friends like. im a lover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is honestly the first time im really realizing that tbh but. its the truth even if theres a lot of bitterness and anger and pain inside of me, there is also love

i think my problem is i just dont understand romantic relationship? like on an autism level cuz to me like. whats the difference between a partner and a friend? LIKE GENUINELY cuz im about as affectionate with a friend as how i should be with a partner SO WHERES THE LINE? to me there just is no line like idk i really cant see it! i think if yr dating someone, they SHOULD be yr friend because what................. like how could you get with someone whos not yr friend already yknow what i mean where did you find that guy!!!! and where has he BEEEN put him back bro.....

and even then i think i hear a lot of people describe their relationships as like 'dating their best friend' yes im sure but that just makes it murkier like. i think that romance isnt real guys i think its made up and its just a word, theres this like. this elevation of romantic love in comparison to platonic love and i do not understand why because its the same thing for me? i love my friends just as hard as id love a partner because thats what they DESERVE, so like idk i think in my head i dont see it either way its just love? the lines are too blurry for me to process so i just disregard them completely, somethin like that.

interesting to think about but it. like no one else feels that way so its very. if i did have a partner, could i give them what they need? i could love them til the very end, but like. what do they want from me............... like is there some unspoken rules that i need to have spoken to me or something, is it wrong for me to love my friends like that? is it wrong for me to love my partner like that? like i genuinely cant tell. i know people say ohh when you fall in love its this connection youve never had before its so special and new and different from yr other relationships and to that??? you must just not have very close friends!!! id do anything for my friends id lay my life down for them id eat them out id DO ORGANIZED CRIME AND BECOME A MAFIA BOSS i let them PEER PRESSURE ME INTO DRUGS AND ALCOHOL (lie), id go out on FRIEND DATES BASICALLY its so cute we all go out together and just hang around and shop and eat together like i love it and i would sit in their beds and just. be quiet because we dont need to be talking !!!!!!!!!!! ill sleep with them ill let them touch me even which says a lot cuz i REALLY dont like to be touched!!!!!! its love so deep it makes my brain fuzzy like im giggling right now teehee i love all my friends so much i give every single one of them a little kiss

my POINT IS i jsut dont see the need for like. the labels i guess? because to me there is no difference between romantic and platonic love, its all just LOVE i think thats whats made me feel so. STRANGE all the time, everyone always describes sparks and shit and i just dont understand cuz i spark with everyone i love, i wouldnt love them if i didnt!!!!!! grining

so am i aromantic? i do not know because i dont believe in romantic love/???? like. i dont think its that im lacking romantic attraction i think its just that romantic attraction and platonic attraction are the same thing for me basically like its just RAW LOVE AND ADORATION and i can extend that to anyone

OKAY i know this is so long this is literally me just. im like self mediating myself rn okay im HELPING MYSELF UNDERSTAND ME BETTER cuz i really have no idea whats going on at all

[khodorkovskaya]

10.06.23

went to my oxford bestie's dance show yesterday and omg she was so good!!! her group did french cancan and she really stole the show!

it was in a town nearby, so lucien drove me and my manchester bestie there. he was on steroids so he acted a bit weirder than usual. but overall it was great!

so i thought about my manchester bestie and i feel like maybe mischaracterised her a bit in my previous posts. bc i really couldn't put my finger on what was it about her that was bothering me so much. it's weird. because she's not stupid, nor is she lost in life. she has very strong values and she understands herself and her boundaries very well. she knows what she wants out of life, despite a lot of other people my age, who just float through life, figuring things out on the go. no, she has an answer to every question and doesn't back down.

she's always been like this. ive known her since we were 14 and i think that's why drifting apart from her is hard for me to begin with. she was my first kiss god damn it! like we had so many teenage firsts together, even more so than with my london bestie! and yeah, she's always had this set in stone moral compass. but now this part of her is even more prominent. she's had a lot of mental health issues, so she's done all kinds of therapy and it really made her hyperaware of her own self. she knows exactly what kind of person she is, what she likes and doesn't like, what's good for her and what isn't, etc. and it should be an admirable trait, right?

but here's the thing. weirdly enough, despite the fact that she's ahead of me in life on every level (she's doing a phd while im only just finishing my bachelors, she's been living by herself ever since she was 18, she's married, she's super well travelled, etc. etc.), she weirdly comes off as very limited. not stupid because she's not stupid. but just like... i don't know how to explain it. despite all of her extraordinary experiences, everything she's been through, etc. her comprehension of the world and society is just like... limited. like the thing i brought up about her talking about how she wants her kids to do the IB. like the way she said it... idk.

like, as i said before, it's not the wealth that's the issue. it's the ignorance. and more specifically, the lack of curiosity. because there are people who, despite their upbringing, are so profound. we talked about this with my stepdad this morning. and he has a very engineer-like way of seeing life. like any time he encounters something new, he wants to understand it to the very core. how does this thing work? why does this process happen? and he asks himself why and how all the time. he's always been like this.

meanwhile with my manchester bestie, she's just like not very curious, if that makes sense...? she has strong values and opinions, which is great and will get her far in life, but she never asks herself questions. and it's so weird.

like i remember when we were teens i invited her to visit my father in montenegro with me over the holidays. and my father is well... yknow. he's a character. and my bestie would be like "oh my god, in my family we aren't allowed to watch tv while eating or slurp our food!". and i was like yep, same here. except that's how it is at my father's place and he doesn't care. he's not my father in the sense that my bestie's father is her father. my mum is my parent, meanwhile my father is just like some dude i go on holiday to. and he lives the life of a childless man with a former hooker girlfriend in the balkans. and my bestie just like couldn't comprehend that. and what's worse, it felt like she didn't even want to pause to try and understand things. so at some point i just stopped trying to "justify" myself by explaining to her why my father would act the was he did. it just didn't come through to her, no matter what.

and that's still how she is i think. just accepting everything she sees in her bubble as normal and as a given, never asking herself questions. and when something is outside the norm, that's "weird" and "wrong", no explanation needed. doing a-levels is wrong because it doesn't give you the same skills as the IB does, not putting your kids into a bunch of after school activities is wrong because your kid is gonna become stupid by spending too much time on their ipad, etc. there couldn't be any other explanation on why some parents don't do that, right?

and, as ive said, the frustrating thing is that she's never gonna have to leave that bubble. all of her friends are from the same kind of social bubble, her husband was also an international school kid, her career isn't gonna make her confront other kinds of realities. and, most importantly, she's just like... not curious. and that's what bothers me about her.

[the-blaze-empress]

What are your favorite things abt c!phil? i want to know his character better :3

OH ANON I WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO ANSWER THIS

god where to START hmmmmmm

okay ive stuck it under a read more because my god is there a lot. for anyone curious, i list off 10 of my favourite things about cphil (with explanations as to what an why), 10 of my favourite quotes, and also cover some more common fandom mischaracterisations

1 - his character design it's basic, but i need somewhere to start. i LOVE phils character design, idk, maybe its just something to do with birds and green and me being a cosplayer. especially his new skin! it has details, anon, and they all have meaning. i love me some details with meaning. and bc its minecraft, and because minecraft is pixels, theres SO MUCH ROOM FOR INTERPRETATION. anyone can go COMPLETELY ham with the design if they want to and they all look SO COOL.

2 - EMERALD DUO okay so ill say it outright; im a qpr emduo sorta person. at the very least im an ‘old friends/war buddies/ex emperors emduo’ person. dont get me wrong, techno is the eldest child, but in the dsmp, he’s not phil’s kid, they’re just really old friends. AND OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM. ‘for you the world’ NEED I SAY MORE??? the emeralds, the phil risking his life to protect techno from the butcher army, the techno worrying about phil participating in doomsday, the complete and utter undying trust they have in each other. theyre not perfect, they still disagree and still have differing opinions but they sort it out and compromise and make sure each other is always okay!!! them!!!

3 - birb cphil is a bird we all know this. and this is leaning more into fanon not explicitly canon, but im including it because i can. phil is bird, he has bird brain. bird instincts and bird features, like hollow bones, chirping, nesting, preening, all the good stuff. it adds a layer of depth to his character thats so fun to play with when writing!! there’s so much potential for both angst and fluff and i love it so much. also i just love birds so yknow. win win situation for me.

4 - family, its messy phil is part of what i believe is the biggest canonical family on the dsmp. there’s four generations ffs. he has a son, a grandson, even a great-grandson. and it’s not perfect. wilbur is. wilbur, but even though he went mad and even though he lied in his letters he still cared enough to send letters in the first place, phil still cared enough to read them. phil still cared enough to drop everything for his son. it was messy and it was heartbreaking but that is what it is to be a father, i think. sometimes whats right is whats hardest and its phils love for wilbur that was forever just so clear. its the way fundy fucked up, its the way phil fucked up in return, its the way they made up without properly making up but phil was always, always there for fundy, always cared for him at least a little, because that’s his grandson.

5 - leading on from the above, kristin!! ANON DO YOU KNOW HOW COOL IT IS FOR PHIL TO BE MARRIED TO THE LITERAL GODDESS OF DEATH?? phil is a trophy husband and you cannot convince me otherwise. his wife is SO COOL and SO POWERFUL and he loves her SO VERY MUCH. yeah sure hes a het guy in a homonormative society but i can forgive him for that because his wife is amazing. also less cphil, more ccphil, but i think its SO FUCKING COOL AND/OR FUNNY that ccphil literally just. wrote his wife into the dsmp on a whim. THATS how much he loves her that even tho shes not involved in this thing hes doing she’s still there in some sense.

6 - immortality yeah cphil CAN die, but here’s the catch; he doesn’t. hes functionally immortal and godddd i love it so much. hes so fucked up from it, but i love that about him (more on that point later). cphil has lived through so much and he has known so much and he has gained and lost SO MUCH but he’s still going strong, hes still loving and living and trying. who knows when he’ll finally die, not him and certainly not us.

7 - WOO TRAUMA mans is SO FUCKED UP. god where to even START with this. phil has not processed a single emotion in 500 years and he does NOT plan on starting now thank you very much. his sons death? nah lets build a country instead. watching his best friend be executed? nope not processing THAT lets find somewhere else to live oh yeah also i almost died. phils favourite thing is avoiding emotions and busying himself with some Other Task for Someone Else (new lmanburg, training room, various farms for techno, just to name a couple) so he Doesnt Have To Think About Anything. also perception of time? hell no he’s gonna be working for days without realising it. this is not healthy. he does not intend to stop. he blames himself for so much and rarely ever accepts help from anyone at all.

8 - kindness dont get me wrong if you get on the wrong side of phil you will find out exactly why some know him as the angel of death, but if ur not on that side of him, hes just. so kind and so caring. that one time when ranboo was deliberately trying to trigger the enderwalk out, and phil ran in and got rid of all the splash water bottles because he thought ranboo was getting hurt? yeah. that. protecting tommy without hesitation or question when dream was chasing him? yeah. that. building new lmanburg because tubbo had enough on his plate and he needed something to do anything to do he needed to keep his hands busy then it would be okay it had to be okay he had to be okay? yeah. that. visiting techno even while he was under house arrest to make sure he was okay? yeah. that.

9 - hes such a chaotic little fuck this is something a LOT of the fandom seem to. ignore. phil is not this sophisticated, calm, rational father figure. he can be sometimes (at a push) but thats not who he is. he’s an absolute chaos machine, and a fucking deadly one at that. he’s bored and you’re in the general vicinity? bye living! i think its well summed up in that one clip of phil and techno in a village, and techno’s grabbing a couple supplies here and there, and phil is just fucking gutting the place even if he doesnt actually need those supplies. he will murder (for fun), he will explode shit (for fun), he will cause mass genocide (for fun), he will fucking. idk he’ll do it all for fun.

10 - history imo, phil and techno are some of the best—if not the most—fleshed out characters in the dsmp. part of this, i reckon, is because of the history they have. you cannot talk about dsmp cphil properly without acknowledging smp earth and hardcore at the very least. the antarctic empire is there, phil and techno carry its shields and wear its colours. the angel of death is familiar to most if not all, the love for fucking freezing temperatures is there too. phil did decanonise the connection to hardcore, but a) many people who care ignore that, b) i ignore that, and c) it was there for at least a little, it had influence for at least a little. cphil is and old character, he didn’t just blip into existence in the dsmp, he has real, solid, pre-established history.

---

and now for some of my favourite cphil quotes!!

1 - Things, buildings, they can be replaced! People can't be replaced. I'm not losing anyone else... I'm not losing anyone else. Not to this bullshit. 

2 - (“Since when was this a Philza Minecraft thing?”) “Since I was forced to kill my own son, you idiot!”

3 - look i made this entire section to include One Specific Quote except i now cannot find that quote. fuck this fuck me. it was something phil said in chat at one point, he was talking to sam, saying how he [phil] was immortal, he had seen nations rise and fall, he had seen people like sam who craved power come and go with little consequence. its a good quote, trust me, ill put it here when/if i can find it.

4 - "I've seen this 'government', on this server... Everything to do with government has just been bad so far. (...) I've watched it completely destroy and tear down people's wills, and change people... I've seen it change the nicest people into complete and utter tyrants. So I think it's about time.”

---

okay quotes over now for some common fandom mischaracterisations, since u said u wanted to know cphils character better

1 - bad dad phil this one really gets me. i hate it, genuinely. phil was never and is not a bad dad. im not saying he was perfect, but he was not a bad dad. it is not his fault wilbur went mad, it is not his fault tommy was hurt so much in exile (more on that later), none of this is his fault. phil cares so much about his family and does everything he can for them, he was never neglectful or absent or anything of the sort.

2 - sbi family dynamics THESE HAVE BEEN DECANONISED BY LIKE EVERYONE IN SBI FOR THE DSMP. MULTIPLE TIMES. tommy was never phils son, he was just some kid phils actual son knew. techno is phils old friend, not his son. wilbur, however, is his son

3 - calm collected eloquent father SOMETIMES phil can have good fatherly advice. other times he really fucking does not!! cphil is shit with words, if you want someone whos always expressing their emotion in elegant prose, look at techno, not phil. he tries, he really does, but his perception of normality is warped, and sometimes he just doesnt fucking care?? hes chaotic and fairly independent, and yeah okay he may have taken in TWO stray kids (tubbo, when he was a child, and ranboo after doomsday) but hes not the like. serial adopter some people make him out to be

---

so yeah, thats cphil for you! im more than happy to go into more detail about any of the above things, just ask! that goes for literally anyone btw. ill happily talk about fanon and more fandom characterisations, but ive tried to keep it as close to canon as i can so far. what’s great is that despite what he claims, ccphil is an excellent roleplayer and general storyteller, hes always adding little details and explaining reasoning behind things, so theres so much nuance and so much depth to cphil and the section of the world he inhabits. can you tell that cphil is my favourite character perhaps.

[sodrippy]

hii op anon here, how are ya? how have you been?

i just started zou, and i've had the heart pirates for like two pages but i love them already

i ended up getting really into dressrosa, i think oda's getting better at weaving together separate plotlines rather than just clunking them together

and i know that the plotlines tend to converge on one theme anyway but the way this arc was all about like, family, and carrying on someone's legacy and love protecting you from the shadows and beyond the grave....

like sabo :') (i think it's really cute how luffy reverts to baby brother mode when he's around his family, he's just a little guy!) (what do you think about sabo?)

also fucking.. law's backstory... you were right it really is a lot. i'm just glad he gets to fulfill cora's wishes now and be free :') , but i also feel sad because he felt like he *had* to get revenge on doflamingo and was fully expecting to die there... "don't ever attach a reason to the love you've received" i will be thinking about that forever

what are your thoughts about his backstory?

i do like how his backstory makes it clear that he showed up at marineford Not because he's mister strategist 5d chess but because he's a sweetheart

and i love that he thought of the alliance as transactional but the strawhats just keep treating them as one of their own. get loved idiot. i also find his and luffy's dynamic interesting bc he's not dependent on or responsible for luffy. he's an actual peer which i feel like we haven't seen as much? like ig koby is supposed to be his foil but that kind of falls flat

bart and cabbage are such fun silly freaks, you were right they're so funny with their opposite treatment of luffy, i also love the gladiator bestieisms. what do you think of the whole straw hat fleet? when do you think we'll be seeing them again? (if you do know when they show up again please lie to me haha)

also... is it me or is it getting like... more misogynistic? like all the women now either need to be rescued or are villains. viola was a literal officer of the dofy family but as soon as she's one of the good guys she's just kind of sitting there? and rebecca is the undefeated woman but someone else has to keep saving her? the fuck? even robin is demoted to mainly just running errands and ends up having to depend on bart and cav. boo!!

i'm excited to see the little blond freak again, and also excited to hear from you! hope you're having a wonderful day!! mwah!

hii!! im good, ive been really busy but im almost on vacation so yay! i hope youve been well!!

yay im glad you liked dressrosa! i LOVE sabo he's one of my alltime faves out of the series, i wish he was around more but also ofc he isnt. his reunion w luffy was so sweet i hope they can see more of each other but obviously yknow...plot happens.

law's backstory was sooo much, i already knew that cora died but i didn't know the rest of it and it was really heartbreaking! i know this is a pretty central theme of the whole series but i still think theres something so moving about how deeply law was impacted by cora and how he carried that will and love on for decades even though he only really knew cora for like a year, and equally how cora was willing to give his life up for a kid who didnt like him and hed known for such a short time like, idk, the power of love and all that !

i loved that bit where usopp (i think) has to clarify like, 'law you think this is an Alliance and its temporary but luffy absolutely thinks you're besties now. just to be clear. you cant get out of this now sorry.'

yeah no very true about law and luffy really being peers in a kind of unique way! the thing w koby is he'll always have that hero worship for luffy right, although hes definitely getting stronger/more confident in his own arcs but still. its very funny and sweet to see law have to show he does care bc luffy is just so open its impossible to act aloof around him.

that was one of my fave parts of dressrosa, seeing all these new weird guys and how they interact. i love the strawhat fleet, i hope we get to see at least glimpses of them, bc im assuming they wont all come back together until near the end? like when luffy is making some Big Final Charge or something yknow? the whole thing where they tried to make luffy drink the ceremonial toast thing and he just wouldnt do it was so so funny.

no absolutely i thought the EXACT same thing! its getting. really really bad. first off rebeccas outfit? awful. honestly all the womens outfits post-ts have been getting progressively worse and worse i have to just fully block it out. and exactly shes undefeated for YEARS but she needs a hero? ok. and viola is strong and smart enough to be a high level officer but like you said the SECOND she switches sides she disappears...come on... ugh i know, i feel like they totally nerf'd robins powers or something like she can do SO MUCH and they never let her bc it would outshine the guys or something. it's ok at least she gets some really cool moments in wano you can look forward to!

i read on the wiki that while the manga was on the end of dressrosa/start of zou arcs, sanji didnt show up for like a YEAR. can you imagine reading it as it was being published and having to wait a year to see your favourite pathetic blond man?? id be crushed. but he'll be back so soon for you, yay!

mwah thank you, it's always so nice and so fun to hear from you!! i hope youre having a lovely day as well 🥰

[enmi-land]

idk why ive never read one and only until now?? not me being a fake mila stan… i can only think of gowon when i hear that😭 but bullshitttt your writing was sooo good back then, too!! ahh i really like the new profile for mila, it gives a lot of new info which i likeee c: i was planning for sora; to make her a kprofiles post so that would be what the public knows about sora and then like ? official profile which would be like stuff about her family/childhood !! like the document belift probably has of her in their files ajfbddn jk

ive only recently realized bnd jaehyun was 03 liner like ive always thought he was 01 for some reason?? but like i know ive looked bnd up before so i wouldve known he wasnt 😭 idk my brain is weird!! but im so happyyyy there are more 03 liner idols cause everyone i stanned would always be older sjfjfnc well until riize debuted cause theyre the first group ive stanned where someone was younger ���‍↕️ and then i stanned enha after ajfndnd im just rambling rn sorryyy

but diaaa how are you???

— 🐰

AKJSKS that made me giggle i won’t lie 😭😭 i actually took it down bc of issues i had so I didn’t expect that it would still be yknow up here but ig that’s the peril of the internet 😭😭 thank youuu but yeah i have mila’s kprofile as seperate bc they once wouldn’t know a lot bout her since she’s just so mysterious like that 🫣🫣 not the be:lift files 😭😭 theist don’t let min h**jin get a hold of it- i mean what?? 🫣🫣

but yesss he’s an 03 liner 😭 no that’s okay!! enha was the first group i stanned that was around my age so i totally get it ✨✨ but at the same tim lowing that ni-ki is younger than me makes me realise how little I’ve done in my life 🥲 only 9months but still- i got out of the womb by the time he was probably consciences, and even with a head start i still am nowhere near his amount of accomplishments 😭😭😭 help now i’m rambling

[nineliabilityrisk]

⭐

[ send a " ⭐ " and i will list muses i would be interested in throwing at yours ]

[ asked by @muutos ]

this one took a while to get to bc i realized how much i wanted birdie to interact with some of ur muses and then got distracted with trying to set up her blog and stuff but im here to answer this now hopefully . my brain is still all over the place please excuse me

[formatting is "your muse - my muse(s) i would like to see with them"]

vanessa - sb verse mikey :] torment this little shit. because the concept of these two interacting is so fucking hilarious im so happy the movie brought it up and this way it doesnt even have to be movieverse. also i NEED her and birdie to interact so so so bad im trying so hard to finish up birdies sideblog its taking forever but i wanted the chance to give them a lil separate space to themselves. uh who else. i have glambun and cassie of course, she can have fun with them, and joshton also has a sb verse!! i know i never talk about him but id love love love to introduce him with vanessa or one of ur other muses

henry emily - cmon. i love your henry so much id willingly throw literally ANY of my muses at him i <3 him. ive already spent eons talking abt how much i love the potential dynamic between him and michael because i DO, so so so much. also just like i said to nic, he can interact with literally any of my animatronics whenever. i NEED interactions with him and lefty there is something so personal about those two. and of course ciarán goes without saying. your henry already gave him too much attention (like. literally one [1] positive sentence so far) and hes already hooked. good luck getting rid of that fucker. hes never letting go. sorry you shouldve known better than to be sweet with him (/lh)

mangle - im ngl i would love to have interactions with them and one of my withered animatronics. or jeremy, yknow,,, before Shit Goes Bad. could be fun. joshton Also has a verse where he works in the fnaf 2 location because i just kinda stick him wherever he would fit so if you wanna use it to traumatize the poor little minimum wage worker go right ahead i think itd be real funny

freddy fazbear - b..bonnie... thats it just bonnie i want the classic duo back i dont care what era. also if you want him to torment mike or josh theyre always up for it, as has been mentioned multiple times

roxanne wolf + glamrock freddy - lumping them together because theyd be interacting with about the same characters. same list as vanessa!!! its so funny because i wasnt interested in sb at ALL before ruin / interacting with you and ur little corner of the rpc and now im. fucken entangled in it. help.

vincent demarco - weve talked abt my interest in him before but like i said every time you rb some musings about him or something i go a little insane. also did you know his birthday is literally one day before mine i just realized it when i checked his bio page. anyway i really wanna toss like. ciar or josh or someone at him at some point just to see what would happen. he just intrigues me i just wanna see whats goin on in that brain of his idk idk

these arent really specific muse matchups but. every time i see you play like. stu or gwen or ar'alani i lose my mind a little and get reminded of all the muses from their medias i could pick up but i have to stop myself bc thats so much WORK. the star wars fixation would be enough to overpower it and make me find someone to interact with ar'alani if it werent for the fact that i havent managed to get my hands on the thrawn books yet and ive never watched star trek so i dont know anything about your interpretation and it makes me so so so upset. anyway this is an open offer (that may not make sense if you havent watched star wars rebels) but if you would like i would pick up ezra bridger to interact with her in a HEARTBEAT. it wouldnt matter how fucking clueless i am because hes clueless as shit too. i am so so sorry if this sounds overbearing or something i do NOT mean for it to be i have just been wanting to play these star wars muses for YEARS now. the star wars community is just so much more terrifying than this little group here. so the fact that someone that i know and trust and have written with before has even Somewhat of a star wars muse has. driven me a little bit insane. (/pos) this is all /nf of course im just. yeah 👍 this probably makes no fucking sense im sorry i am unwell about star wars

[isaacathom]

more ds9 time bc heat make brain jelly. s2e7

fascinating that dax is down her playing dabo with quark. tongo. whatever.

ah. ferengi misogyny. i do enjoy that dax is very... unthreatened? shes basically just using it as an opportunity for banter. thats kinda fun.

ah, plot. lets go baby.

i feel like every time the nagus shows up im going to have to re-remember hes the one guy from the princess bride. in my defence have not SEEN that movie still but by reputation i am aware of the man.

okay so i have, for lack of word, clocked that that specific ferengi is being played by a female actress, so thats. hm. whats going on here. ah i see thats a plot point, i promise i noticed that before the scene where she returned to her room.

okay so dax genuinely is just like 'yea theyre shitheads but theyre funny' incredible? incredible.

we love a lady knight scenario, dont we folks. love a good ol' fashioned uhhhhhh alanna situation. yknow i always use alanna as my go to reference for a 'woman pretends to be a man' fiction and ive literally never read it or known anyone who has. niche, i guess.

so this is all the start of the ongoing ferengi women plotline, iirc. i know quarks mother (mothers?) shows up in later plots about ferengi politics, but i didnt realise we were gonna jump in with it. neat!

is dax's job now just advising other women on their romantic situations. its what she was doing in melora. like thats two eps in a row her primary role seems to be 'provide advice to a woman in love' whats the go.

i dont like the nagus but at least in universe i think thats the position of the majority of the people around him

make! out! like i dont really give a shit but like just go for it folks

thank you for your contribution to the plot, mr odo sir, very excellent work inciting a crime

now my thing is i dont actually like 'pretends to be a man' plots bc, yknow, ~transgender~, its a vibes based situation. anyway i skipped the scene but ive got the transcript, ive got the gist. im good. it seems fun. that said the way quark physically reacted to being kissed, and how hes reacting in every dialogue line afterwards, is uh. very dramatic? not sure where this is gonna go bc the signs point to Poorly for the both of them

but also "dont you want to know why i kissed you?" is the sort of shit i would say if i was trying to come out worse than i actually had. like "dont you want to know why i started shortening my name" level shit.

oh that was an excellent in the background there

this romance is doing Nothing for me lads

that said like, quark is still quite compelling as part of it. and the fact he defends Pel is sweet. but i also find it so difficult to take ferengi drama seriously because like, the nagus is RIGHT THERE, and he's a pure comic character. its pure comic. and that just sorta sucks drama out of it for me. whereas i think quark has the right balance of comedic greed and genuine pathos that he can carry dramatic story lines. pel isnt quiiite working for me in that respect but i already flagged my lack of interest in this specific kind of plotline earlier so its not her fault.

dax just vibing in the background of most of this episode was kinda fun though. i do like that.

okay so my verdict - ? two romance episodes back to back kinda sucks for me since i didnt really feel invested in either romance as a thing in itself, though maybe part of that is the foreknowledge that neither go anywhere, right. as an episode on its own i think its alright, but will probably be better as part of the overarching Ferengi plotlines later, i guess? idk. its not quite my thing. i did enjoy dax here though so she's starting to win me over after a rocky start

[meet-at-tycho]

grrrrr

its so hard to like. FIGHT IT, yknow? so many people around me have made me feel like im lesser, something to brush off and turn yr back on, something unlovable, and even when ive tried to make myself.. VALUABLE in some way, it only lead to me being used like an object and nothing more, put me on the shelf and walk away til next time!!!!!!

but....... i dont know. its just so.. relieving, i guess. for the first time ever, i dont feel like that!! i dont feel cumbersome, i dont feel like a burden, like a toy, i dont feel that at all. its really. ITS. I WILL ADMIT , after having it that way for so long, being forced to see myself as? something more? IS DISTURBING its so frightening. I REMEMBER even just the thought of someone wanting to interact with my body in any innocent way, this vessel ive always found so so disgusting, it SCARED ME it was so unnatural, even now sometimes i just try and pretend im NOT horribly detached from it, and it...................

it makes me feel good? i can close my eyes and i dont have to see it and it doesnt feel so terrible, it makes me feel loved.. my body has always been my worst trait to others, so knowing that.. it doesnt really matter now? its relieving and terrifying but its good, it feels good for me. maybe as time goes on, itll be less scary

as someone who struggles with a dissociative disorder, its. ITS SO HARD so so hard to just.. reel myself in. to WANT to live this life, i dont recognize myself in the mirror, and i dont recognize my own voice, but... they do. despite how i feel about myself, they want to know me!!! want to know me inside and out, its so? 🥰🥰 i love them

when im with them, im FORCED to be myself, i cant just hide in my head, i have to come out and be a person like how they are, and even if its unnatural and unnerving at times, i know its still good for me. a lot healthier than. completely rejecting my entire physical form 💀 as i am known to do

IDK im just rambling at this point, but. it makes me feel nice knowing that. even if ive been taught that im digusting, that i should be ashamed of myself, my body, my EVERYTHING, they dont think that about me!! its so hard to understand why, cant you see what everyone else sees? if you can treat me right, then why hasnt everyone else?

i guess i dont really care about everyone else though. getting myself through the days thinking about our happy little life together where we take care of eachother and we live together and we make food and watch movies and i can just be happy with them. they want me around!!!!!!!! wow 🥰🥰 teeheeheheeeeheee