#idk i just had this guy in my mind why are you so fucked ip

[sealbee101]

I feel like the yyh community dosen't talk about sensui enough. Sensui is probably one of the best antagonist ive ever seen and it sucks no one talks about him hardly.

Sensui was a man of a justice system that was unblinded with obvious one sided ideals (demons = bad, human = good) it wasn't until that one night that completely made black and white turn to gray, his morality shattered, everything turning into a murky puddle.

Humanity doomed itself that night, turning the man who fought for it, to turning against it.

But it also made Sensui reflect, made him question himself, made him want to open his eyes and balance the scale as to why demons were so bad which led to Sensui down to opening the barrier between the worlds, if he could understand the same thing he'd use to hunt down maybe it'd put his mind at ease. himself at ease, maybe he'd finally understand.

[forsakenwitchery]

Finished Veilguard the other day and I need you to see my Rook. xD idk I tried to create something similar to my face, but then it hit me I had Tallis on my hands. 😂

In case someone's interested in my thoughts (no spoilers): it was kind of a mixed bag experience for me. I couldn't agree more with the sentiment that the game's too sanitized, but I did have some fun with it and I did grow to like the companions after all. ALSO MANFRED NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS! And Lucanis reminds me of Gale so much, guess that's my new type. xD Men cooking is the hottest trait ever, legit a dealbreaker no griffon or sentient skeleton can beat.

More rambling under the cut & adding all the critical tags I could think of.

I do think they sort of shot themselves in the foot by calling it Dragon Age, because I kept thinking it reminds me of Guardians of the Galaxy A LOT which was a good & imho underrated game!!! but it's not the best comparison for a DA game. I didn't like Bellara at first, but then it hit me she reminds me of Mantis. SO. MUCH. And I loved Mantis! So Bellara just felt so out of place in DA. I have a lot of thoughts, yet my main takeaway is that it should have been a new IP. Literally had it been called anything else 70% of my beef with this game wouldn't exist, and I think it's true for most people who are critical about it. Like, I played as a Crow, and literally all the Crows in the game are good(TM). My Rook told Harding she did some bad things, but nothing too bad! Literally no Crow in this game is willing to kill anyone. The banter about Grey Warden contracts... Was wild. What's the point of even having assassins who are so uwu goody two-shoes. :( Legit had they made a game in the vein of DA, but not DA, with new not preestablished factions, I wouldn't have this critique. And you can't say or do anything too bad in this game which is wild for DA. I think I was only allowed to be mean about Solas, but even tho I always chose the dialogs akin to 'he can go F himself', the game kept telling me 'he's just a poor sad little meow meow' by legit every character around me. WHICH GIVEN THE FINAL TWIST OF WHAT HE DID. FUCKING FUCK. There are not nearly enough mean things this game lets you say about him, and it's mind-blowing why half the characters would toot his horn so much. Sorry, I hate Solas' guts, I didn't think it was possible to hate him even more, but holy shit was I not prepared...

But like, had it been a new IP, my only critique would be all the handholding, especially the constant 'pointing out the obvious' at the start of the game. The first hours were driving me insane with it. Like guys, I'm not stupid, I don't need to be told the same thing 3 or 4 times. Or how to proceed in a linear location if I stop for one second. Yeah, it gets better with the obvious part, but not with repeating the same info, which made me wonder what age were they targeting with it. Because I don't think kids like to be talked down to, either.

BUT I expected way worse. It was overall not a bad game. Not a super great 10/10 one, but it had its moments. For me, it was a solid 6/10, maybe even a 7 in some parts. idk why, but I especially loved Evka and Antoine. And the cooking party banters. Super pretty, too, once I got used to the style.

Oh, and I also called my Rook Anthea, and since the Crows had a character called Teia, I got an added bonus of Lucanis actually saying that name a few times. xD

[queernarcissus]

interested in irl beeftho gay love and weird sex if you feel like elaborating 👀

oksy this. is longer than intended and also doesnt even get to the sex but. yknow.

how they meet is. not entirely solidified in my mind. buut im thinking abt beef at one of his car meet/show things and etho is there too. (not sure why etho would be there or if he would even know stuff but. whatever*) thwyre both looking at the same car and get to chatting and they have a nice convo, end up wandering around and looking at other ones together

anyway they like dont recognise each other bc like. beef hadnt actually had his face/appearance be public for very long and etho doesnt watch like that much yt especially irl stuff so. yeah. and beef just thinks that he made friends with some guy who is really handsome - not that beef would dare admit that to anyone - and seems really cool actually.

anyway somehow they become like actual friends and get quite close and dan confides in theo abt his girlfriend and how shes kinda not great sometimes and he doesnt know what to do. but i mean eventually they break up (canon to irl (kinda, people didnt like the gf beef had in 2016/17 like the comments abt her are so fucking rude but also everyone says beef doesnt look happy /with/ her sooooo))

at this point etho has realised that this is beef and. he is having an insane time keeping the things seperate. <- beef did also tell him abt the yt stuff so.

now idk if this /would/ happen but i am thinking abt how funny it would be to have a dramatic reveal but. in minecraft. like theo mentions to dan that he sometimes plays minecraft and so hes like oh you wanna play together? and then server etcetc sends tbe ip to theo and. ethoslab joins the server. and beef goes. huh? did i send it to the wrong person? and in the call they are in etho just immideiately starts apologising. beef is just. fucking gobsmacked. bc yeah he finally accepted he was in love wkth this guy and he wasnt straight. and now it turns out that this guy. is his coworker. who no one knows what he looks like. but beef does. and as hes talking beef is like. of course its fucking etho how the hell did i not even realise what the fuck.

* i mean i think maybe he was just bored one day and found something to do. and whilst he knows like. mostly fuck all. hes so interested in what dan is telling him abt it all and dan is just glad someone is being like. receptive to him talking abt it n shit. <-also wants to keep talking to the cute guy.

[moondyad]

10 characters/10 fandoms

thank you for tagging me! @dendrite66

finally got around to this. it was really hard for me to come up with these?? i never really stretched myself out into so many different fandoms. and most of the ips i like are non-humans/humanoid lol

1. Star Wars - Kylo Ren: i've related to him since I first laid eyes on him in tfa. the trans symbolism, the hating your dad bit, I was like dang he's me fr. he's as close as i've got to a comfort character.

2. Star Trek - Captain Jean-Luc Picard: (yeah i'm a trekkie lol) i totally had a crush on this guy growing up. he isn't even my type, but the overflowing confidence was new for me in a character.

3. Interstellar - Cooper: idk how but my brain managed to over-empathize with what this poor man had to go through. to this day, if i think about/watch the movie there will probably be tears.

4. The OA - Buck Vu: trans king!!!! loved seeing myself in a series. seeing him deal with legitimate trans tm issues but get to escape into a fantastical sci-fi feverdream was so good. also his actor is so cool and went on to play a character in Star Trek too haha

5. The Orville - Commander Bortis: seeing the story of a parent going through the process of non-acceptance to complete acceptance of their child was so powerful. the fact that opening his mind for his child's best interests ended up making him like the very group he used to hate was so satisfying. especially in the sick little "fuck u for having backwards thoughts, but now u found out u actually were repressing feelings for them all along" way.

6. Alien - Ellen Ripley: do i need to clarify why?

7. 2001: A Space Odyssey - Hal 9000: my introduction to ai characters and the possiblity of their humanity. (even the dark side of it)

8. Uglies - Tally Youngblood: kind of a watching your hero become the villain character. this series was my favorite ya book series growing up. i saw myself in her and continued to even after everything that happened. which honestly just goes to show how authentic of a character she was written to be.

9. Game of Thrones - Daenerys Targaryen: what a girlboss. i'm a huge dragon nut so of course if a character's symbol is dragons, i'm instantly drawn to them. i support her and her manslaying agenda. (until the last season)

10. The Walking Dead - Hershel Greene: i fell hook line and sinker for this guy's rough on the outside, soft on the inside characterization. he's such a random character for me to have ended up enjoying so much, but to this day he's my fave of the series.

i've seen everyone's takes on this post pop up all over my dash for the past few days, so i think i'm too late to tag new people. but if you see this and weren't tagged, do it!!

[vermillioncrown]

so i gotta write this bc i find it hilarious (if not annoying as fuck when it was happening in real time)

i'm wrangling a bunch of first-year/second-year grad students. idk how it is in other fields, but in engr, you'll never meet people with the sheer confidence and self-importance as engr students fresh off their bachelor's

double that attitude if they've been co-oping and had a job for a bit

they have valuable technical experience, but that's not the same as research and academic rigor. technical work is 'get it done', research is 'i did it, and here's why the way i did it is right'. it's very different and both have their merits

anyways, we're getting into paper submission season; there are about 12 students on the team, a few sub-teams, and more logistics. we're writing a paper per sub-team, but our professor mandated that we keep authorship limited to 1-2 students, their technical supervisor, and then the professor.

i think in a post long ago, i explained authorship? it differs for each field, but in most schools of engineering, the first author is in charge of overall direction, writing, cohesion, admin, and likely worked out the formulation for the work. second author is like their deputy. the last author is a place of honor--the lab director, the boss's boss that gave you the project/funding for the project, stuff like that. second to last author is kinda the same way. no one pays attention to the middle authors unless they are from different organizations--then it looks like collaboration, which makes the paper spicy and fun

so these students start playing this passive aggressive game on 'who's getting authorship'. bc of course

observers suspect one guy tried to bluff "oh i don't mind being just in acknowledgements, i'm a M.S. student so it doesn't matter" and when everyone else said "ok" he started making a big stink about ethics and protecting creative content and IP infringement (which a paper and its ideas cannot be IP, it's copyright my dude)

comments from the peanut gallery:

- supervisor: he fucked around and found out lol

- verm bf: ethics??? my brother in christ, we design missiles here

- labmate bff: "it's not a big deal" *makes it a big deal by repeating it three times*

- postdoc bff: this man gambled and lost

and then someone wrote a "whole treatise" to the professor, which then made the professor upset and he apparently was discussing it non-stop between all the lab faculty, and then in individual paper submission meetings

and i've been instructed to go over all their work with a fine-tooth comb

supervisor: i need senior student energy on this project. i cannot deal right now

i think someone finally capitulated in the end, but it took a week of arguing to reach the same conclusion as before

*edit: oh yeah, i'm in a separate workgroup chat that contains the arguing bros but no supervisors

supervisor: [verm] how's it going

me: the kids are fighting at the kids' table

supervisor: lol good luck with that

[write-orflight]

Settle Down: Prologue

**Gif Not Mine**

Prev -  Next

Pairings: SpencerXReader (kinda enemies to lovers) 

Rating: M

Words: 2.5K

Warnings: None, will be smut in eventual chapters

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

Summary: Y/N and Spencer don’t get along but turn to each other for the one thing you need someone else for... A baby. You can plantonically start a family, right?

A.N: this is a bad bio but idk how else to put it. it’s a baby fic! I wouldn’t say this is enemies to lovers but they certainly don’t like each other at first so it kinda is. comment on this chap or message to be on the taglist. much love, Cia

                Prologue:  A Powerpoint, Really? 

If you had told 16 year old Y/N that she’d be working at the FBI, she would’ve called you batshit. 

Not only, did you not have any respect for authority or any inclination for rules in that matter, working for the FBI was never in the forefront of your mind. But when given the option of Jail or a full time job with benefits, it was fairly easy to make a choice. You remember the first day when you met your work partner and now best friend Penelope Garcia or specifically the day she caught you. 

You were waiting tables like you did every weekend to stay afloat. Today was unreasonably slow so you were just finding small things to do. That’s when she came in, an extremely brightly dressed woman, sat at the bar of the diner. 

“Hi, how can I help you?” You smile at the woman who looks up at you and smiles. 

“Yes, I’m looking for the Emerald City.” She says, smirking at you. Your face drops, you knew what she was talking about. 

When you started hacking it was only supposed to be a one time thing. You grew up poor, spent most of your life poor so when you saw your childhood home was set to be demolished to build a fancy new headquarters for Scotty Realins, an upcoming asshole tech CEO, without a cent going to your parents.  Something in you snapped. You had already been pretty decent at code and you flirted with a couple of guys in your STEM classes to learn how to hack so you would say you were pretty good at this point. So you hacked into the website and made sure all the Revenue for that day actually was wired to lower-income housing. At the end of the day, it was only a couple hundred thousand dollars but what was pennies to Scotty Realins changed some people's lives. 

So you started doing it more, to different companies under the pseudonym OZ. The money always went to different places that needed it whether it was paying the rent for a bunch of families or anonymous large donations to food banks or soup kitchens. You gained a bit of fame in the hacker community as a modern day Robin Hood. 

All good things come to an end though. And the end was standing in front of you in clunky, rainbow colored jewelry. 

“You don’t look like a cop.” you say, crossing your arms. 

“I’ll do you one better.” She says, pulling her FBI badge out, showing it to you briefly. You curse under your breath. “I’ve been following you for a while, OZ. Though I wasn’t expecting the man behind the curtain to be a woman. I will say, having my computers route back to a loop of “We’re not in Kansas anymore.” everytime I tried to track your IP was impressive. I couldn’t even be mad about it.” 

“Clearly not that impressive because you found me.” 

“Still took me longer than usual, which is saying a lot.” 

“This is a really long winded conversation if you’re just here to arrest me.” You say, taking off your apron. No use in keeping it on if you were going to be in handcuffs soon. 

“That’s because I’m not here to arrest you. I’m here to offer you a job, to work under me as a Tech Analyst in the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI.” Penelope says. 

“And if I don’t want to?” 

“Then you’re going to want a lawyer and my very good handsome friend outside is going to arrest you. You’re smart and you have a chance to help people which is why you started hacking in the first place, right? Please don’t make me do that.” She looked at you pleadingly like she really cared and didn’t want you to go to prison. You didn’t say anything but something told you she’d been in the same boat as you before. 

“Hmmm…. I’m tired of waiting tables anyway.” 

So you uprooted your life and moved from Philadelphia to Quantico. Garcia took you under her wing and pretty soon the two of you functioned in her batcave like a well oiled machine. You could do without the constant gore that filled your screens but at the end of the day, you loved what you were doing and you wouldn’t change that for the world. 

The team was an added bonus, it was nice to have your own little found family. Garcia, of course, taking on the role as best friend mere days after your first meeting. You met Derek Morgan right after you agreed to take the job, he’d been there to arrest you and was very glad he wouldn’t have to do that. He told you often about how you reminded him of his sister and he regarded you in the role of younger sister from that day on. The next person you met had been Aaron Hotchner, your new boss. It took him a couple of weeks to warm up to you, you guessed he had a difficulty trusting new people and when he would call you guys for information he would always ask for Garcia instantly instead of you, not very trusting in your skills yet. Though that changed when you had been the one to track down the Unsub once. 

Rossi was easily won over when you told him about your Italian side of the family, specifically your grandmother who loved to cook and left you a lot of recipes. You and him often went back and forth in sharing dishes. Emily and JJ had also been easily won over with one bottle of tequila and a regrettable girls night. 

Then there was Dr. Spencer Reid.     

You had a lot of opinions on Dr. Reid, most of them weren’t good. It wasn’t like you hated him in fact, you’d consider him a friend but the two of you seemed to butt heads on well, everything. Both of you needing to be the smartest in the room and neither of you wanting to admit when you’re wrong will do that though. You still respected Spencer though, he was an extreme asset to the team and he was your best friend’s other best friend so you couldn’t really hate the guy. 

You also didn’t have to like him. 

So you had a good job, good friends, a nice house to live in. You were finally happy, content even. So why did it feel like something was missing? 

The something missing came in a stroller pushed by JJ the next week. 

The last case had been rough. Really rough. So while the team was on their way back you and Garcia hatched a plan for JJ to come visit from maternity leave and surprise everyone with the baby. While you guys were waiting for them to land, Garcia wanted to show JJ something she had gotten her godson so JJ asked if you could watch him and feed him until she got back, which you obviously agreed to. As you were feeding the child his bottle, and his ravioli sized fist wrapped around your finger you realized what had been missing. 

Fuck, you wanted a kid. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

You told Garcia first, it slipped when she noticed how off you were being. You wanted to have a kid bad now and you knew you didn’t want to wait. Penny tried to convince you that you’d “find the right person” but let’s face it, with this job, long term relationships were few and far inbetween. Plus you didn’t need a man, you had a good job and insurance, you knew you could provide a child with a life full of love it deserved. So you made an appointment at a fertility clinic. As the doctor was talking to you about your options, you felt yourself feeling more and more down about your decision and that only increased as you looked in the book of sperm donors in front of you. You looked at too many serial killers daily that it made you uneasy, carrying a stranger's baby. Maybe Garcia was right and your best bet was to wait for ‘the right guy.’ Even though you really didn’t want to. 

You walked into work later, a little sullen. Heading immediately towards the coffee machine. Penelope, who had been at Derek’s desk, makes a beeline towards you.  

“So how’d it go?” She says, smiling. “Did you make an appointment to be baby-fied?” 

You sigh. “I couldn’t do it, Pen.” You say, frowning. “I just-- We see so much here that I don’t want to accidentally end up with a sociopath’s baby because I couldn’t wait.” 

“But you don’t want to wait, do you?” She says softly, empathizing with you. 

“No, I don’t.” You sigh again, finishing making your cup before walking back out into the bullpen. JJ had brought Henry again for the others to see on the slow paperwork day. You tried not to look bitter but it was like she was flaunting the one thing you couldn’t have, even if it was unintentional. You watched as she handed the baby to Spencer, who instantly smiled and made faces at the laughing baby. 

“Spencer is actually a surprisingly good godfather.” Garcia says, smiling at the exchange in front of you. “Kinda makes you wonder what he’d be like with his own baby geniuses.” She says before walking over to the group and scooping her godson out of Spencer’s arms, Spencer still held on to his fist with his pinky, smiling down at the child. 

“Yea…” You say, to no one in particular. 

You had an idea. A probably bad one. 

-------------------------------------------------------

You were sitting in the coffee shop, nervously fiddling on your laptop while waiting for Spencer. You were surprised he even agreed to meet with you for coffee though you were sure he was just doing it out of curiosity because you told him you had something important to talk about. You weren’t even sure if you were going about this the right way. Hey Spencer, I know we’re not even friends but how would you feel about fathering my child? God, this was going to be terrible. 

You looked up when you heard the tell-tale bell on the door indicating someone walking in. Spencer gave you a small wave before going to the counter to get a coffee. You took that time to nervously sip yours. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, it was now or never. 

“Hey.” Spencer says, when he finally gets to the table, coffee in hand. “Why are you all the way in the corner?” 

“This isn’t really a conversation I want overheard.” 

Spencer tilts his head confused at that. “So what is the conversation we’re supposed to be having. I asked Garcia but she seemed to also have no idea.” 

“Yea, I didn’t tell her on account of this maybe going extremely bad.” You say, before sighing and turning your laptop around so Spencer could see the Powerpoint screen you have on it. When he reads it,  he chokes on his coffee.

“A Powerpoint, really?” He chokes, still coughing around the coffee. “Y/N, what is this?” 

“This is Reasons Why You Should Make a Baby With me.” 

“Yea, I got that from the title, Y/N.” He says, still shocked. “Is this a joke?!” 

“I wish it was, Reid.”

“Can I at least ask why you thought a Powerpoint was the best way to ask?”   

“Because I felt you’d be more inclined to consider it if you knew I spent time on a presentation.” 

“That’s true.” He leans back, taking a sip of his coffee, gesturing for you to continue. You hit the next slide. 

“Ok, reason number one is we both want kids.” You say, looking at him. “Garcia told me the other day that you were talking about how much you wanted a kid and I also want a kid.”  

“I did tell Garcia that.” He muses. 

“Reason two, an offspring between us would probably result in another genius. As you know, you are smart.” 

“Yes.” 

“And I am smarter.” You say, Spencer opens his mouth to protest but you keep talking. “A child between us could probably be the next Einstein.” 

Spencer nods and you continue. “Reason three, I’d be a great mom.” 

“That’s a debatable fact.” 

“No, it’s not. You’ve seen me around kids, have I ever given an inclination that I wouldn’t be?” You ask, he shakes his head. “Plus, I happen to think you’d be a great father. Which brings me to Reason 4.” You say clicking through the next slide. “If you don’t want to be involved in raising that’s fine. I’m perfectly fine raising the child myself an--” 

“What?! No!” Spencer says, sitting up. “If I do agree to have this baby, which I’m not completely doing yet. I want to be involved, I want them to know I’m their father and that I didn’t abandon them because I know what that’s like.” He says, seriously. You nod, already knowing this about Spencer. 

“Reason 5: I’d be the perfect platonic co-parent, I won’t ask you for anything unless it’s pertaining to the child and if you decide that later down the road you want your own family, I’d be supportive and help you along the way.”

Spencer nods. “We’re never home enough for a baby.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong because I’ll be here. I mainly stay here anyway and if there’s ever a case where you need a tech analyst to fly out, Garcia’s already agreed to have it already be her when I floated the baby idea around last month.”  

Spencer hummed, silent for a second. “You really want a kid, huh?” 

“Yes.” You say. 

“So much so you’re asking me?” Spencer says, matter-of-factly. “A Coworker you barely speak to?”

Well, when he says it like that. 

“Yes. I’m asking because while we don’t get along the best you are still one of the most compassionate, understanding men I know. And I know that if I have to raise this kid with somebody, you would love them just as much as I would.” You say, Spencer nods at that. “So, please?” 

Spencer sighs. “When’s your next appointment? At the fertility clinic?” 

You didn’t even want to ask how he knew about that. “Next tuesday.” 

He nods. “I’m going with you.��� He says, standing, pulling the strap of his messenger bag over his shoulder. “This isn’t a yes.” 

“It’s not a no, either.” You point out. 

“No, it’s not.” He says, leaving you behind in the coffee shop with a huge grin on your face.

Taglist: @moonshinerbynight​ @crimeshowtrash​

Message/reply to be tagged!!

[myvirtuesuncounted]

Alright I put off telling you this straight away cus I thought I was gonna get in SO MUCH TROUBLE but here you are. Also Tumblr deleted the first part of my message so the writings not up to scratch Tumblr CEO count your fucking days I've calculated the IP address of that weird Pikachu man you keep putting on my dash I'll find yours too cunt

So I'm lining up for my science class waiting for my teacher to show up, right? And I'm standing behind this one dickhead in the line who's like openly racist, antisemitic, mysogynistic, and homophobic. And a Hijabi person walks by our class while we're lining up, right? This is no biggie to a normal person like me (*tilts hand in a sideways motion while saying a conspicuous "eeEEeHhH"*) ofc but the dude Infront of me has his head shoved so far up his ass he should be standing in the middle of the road in an orange vest acting as a traffic cone instead of being counted as a human being. So he makes some recycled joke about terrorism and now he's Islamophobic too holy shit bingo everyone!!! So I go "dude we get it, it's small, now mind your own business before I commit several crimes before 10:30am on a Tuesday." I thought that was the end of it. I thought wrong. He then proceeds to push "women are dishwashers" and whatever else he can muster out of his shrivelled up, dehydrated arsehole and I'm like "yeah no" so I think to myself what object do I have on hand with me right now that will cause physical harm to this kid?.... Oh ho ho is that a pencil I'm holding? Perfect!! So I turn the pencil around so the sharpened end isn't facing him and proceed to relentlessly stab this child. Yes it was a bit far yes he deserved it yes my mother should've listened when I told her I was having "severe detailed homicidal thoughts" and yes it was glorious. Now normally I would never condolne violence (that's a lie I lied I'm a big fat liar liar pants on sale idk the saying I was never included in the playground games and I want to see blood) but c'mon the kid's had this coming for months now. So after I'm done stabbing this dude I'm like "okay shithead you learnt your lesson yet?" He touches his hand to the back of his head to massage it. He pulls his hand away. There's blood.. ..oh. um...... Okay this wasn't meant to happen ah shit fuck fuck fuck. Everyone else in class is like "wait that probably neurodivergent kid with social anxiety did what now" and I'm standing there like oh fuck uh he deserved it obv and I don't exactly feel bad but damn. And wouldn't you know it my fucking SCIENCE TEACHER appears right at this very moment! Great!! So I go "okay dude you totally deserved that but I do feel a bit bad for causing another human being to bleed... But then again that human being was you and I did give you a warning even though I shouldn't have to in the first pla- okay forget it I'll go get U some ice." So I go up to my teacher like "um hi sir this kid's head is bleeding can I go get some ice" and he goes "yeah sure idc." Doesn't bother to check if the kid is in any actual pain or if I'm just trying to skip. Doesn't ask how his head started bleeding in the first place. Every day I grow more and more convinced my science teacher is the zodiac killer. Anyway I leave to get ice and can't find any like anywhere so that's fun. I do come back with tissues tho so he gets that. So yeah that's the story of how 16 I think days ago I tried to kill a kid with with my pencil and my science teacher probably would have joined in if he'd been there in time. Moral of the story children: s O M E t i m e s,,,,, violence does indeed solve alot. Also stab Islamophobes and mysogynists in the head when possible alright baaiiiiii love you 💖💖💖

Bonus story the dude's girlfriend got SO MAD AT ME OMLLLLL. Like she went "why'd you Only do this to MY BOYFRIEND, hUh?? Why not [insert every guy in my school] they say this stuff toO YA KNOW." 🙄 Like ma'am first of all tame your fucking dog why is he saying shit like this in the first place. Also if you want them to suffer the same treatment that badly my prices usually range from 20 - 30 depending on if I know you or not. Call it the friends and family discount. It's hard being a creature in STEM (slaying, treachery, evil, murder) and maintaining my 11/10 look all at the same time 🙄🙄🙄✨

insane anon confirmed to be physically violent as well as psychologically violent

[joontier]

Ramen Rivals

synopsis: Rivals in the kitchen, rivals even with ramen -  two rivaling restaurateurs fight over the only cup of instant noodles left in the convenience store

pairings: kim seokjin x reader (oneshot)

rating:  R | genre: classic e2l trope; gourmet chef! seokjin and reader ; smut; humor; fluff ; crack | warnings: swearing, explicit sex, kitchen sex, implied bathroom sex, multiple orgasms

word count: 12k RIP MY BRAIN

a/n: Ahhhh, his is actually a re-written version of one i posted way way back 2018 LOOOL idk what to feel anymore after this akfaowiejfoawe the last parts are actually heavily unedited ACK 

navi. 

Kim Seokjin. 

That’s it. That’s the name. That’s the tweet. 

You never knew three syllables could affect you this much, could bring you this great distress. The mere mention of it makes you reel, roll your eyes, ball up your fists, makes the tiny hairs on your nape stand on end. 

Long story short, Kim Seokjin makes your blood boil. 

It doesn’t help either that he was Adonis himself – complete with cat eyes, plump lips, and a dashing smile, or that he has rock-hard abs hiding underneath that white double-breasted jacket, or that he busts out corny ass dad jokes as much as he winks at people (which is a LOT of times, by the way), or that he’s an undeniably an exceptional chef (such as yourself, duh) and has now erected a gourmet restaurant next door to rival yours, OR the completely obvious fact that you two have history. 

The short period of time in the past that you shared with him wasn’t exactly one you would be embarrassed of, or something you want to forget. Instead, it’s the exact opposite. You’re ashamed of the fact that you hadn’t gotten over it until now, three years later. He was your OGF – Mr. One Great Fuck. Kim Seokjin still holds the belt for the title of making you cum six consecutive times in a single night. How he managed to do that and how nobody else has measured up to that, you’ll never know. 

You’d initially met him at Les Coulisses Du Chef in Paris, where you had enrolled yourself in a patisserie class to expand your knowledge on French pastry and hopefully get a certificate for it. You’d been meaning to take the class since forever, yet you’d been waitlisted year after year until last year when one of the applicants had backed out, they’d called you in, merely half a month before the program started. 

Three weeks into the semester, Seokjin had introduced himself to you, or rather, had told you a dad joke as an introductory preview of his personality. You’re glad he did though, else you would have been surprised if you discovered the kid was part Greek god, part chef, part dad jokes, and .01% brain cell. 

“What do you call a fake noodle?” asks .01% brain-cell-man seated beside you, rolling up his sleeves to reveal the prominent veins on his forearms. You’re momentarily distracted by the action, completely missing out the question he’d just asked you. “Sorry, what?” 

“What do you call a fake noodle?” Gosh, you shouldn’t have asked him again. If only he knew the number of times you’d hear- “Impasta!” He snorts, holding a fettuccine noodle in one hand and the other clutching onto his tummy as he doubles in his laughter. 

You’re just standing beside him, slack-jawed, unsure if this was just a sick dare. Who was this guy? Was he even in the same class as you? Was he high? Perhaps he mistook flour for coke? His laughter dies down when he sees your face, sans-reaction. 

“Wait, you understand English right? Um… comprendre English? Oui?” 

“Yes, I can understand English.” 

“Then why didn’t you laugh?” You raise a brow. This stranger just comes up to you, tells you a lame joke, and now he expects you to laugh? 

“This is gonna sound real mean, but it was really an old joke...and a lame one at that,” you retort, your face crumpled into one of faux pity. 

“Hey! No need to make it personal!” he counters, placing a hand over his heart, face contorting into a grimace. “You, Rafa!” He half-shouts, pointing an accusatory finger to someone behind you. “You said it would be a great ice-breaker!” Your eyes follow the Rafa he’s pointing at, the latter quickly shakes his head, telling you he doesn’t know the man in French. 

“Is this man bothering you?” Rafa nods sadly. 

“What?! How dare you turn the tables on me?? I’m your only friend!” You turn to glare at pasta guy, who continues to wail behind you. Rafa snorts from across at the sight of pasta guy making a fool of himself behind you and eventually takes pity on him. 

“I’m sorry, Jin’s just been meaning to talk to your since the start of semester, so he’s asked me for advice on how to approach you...I told him to tell you a good ‘ole joke in the kitchen since we’re all chefs here...I didn’t actually think he’d take it...seriously.”

“Wow! Betraying and exposing me all at once!! Why won’t you just fry me alive in olive oil, huh? That would be less painful.” Jin-pasta complains, arms gesticulating wildly in the air. You watch them unabashedly bicker in front of you concurrently amused at the whole spectacle. 

The three of you become close friends soon thereafter, Jin claiming your trio as the ‘Kitchen Musketeers’. Yes, he managed to convince the entire class to call your tiny group of friends that name. And yes, that wasn’t the worst idea Seokjin had in mind when he was considering a name for your trio. You didn't even want to start to reminisce about the rest of Seokjin’s bizarre suggestions: Charlie’s Cooks (to his defense, you did have a substitute mentor named Charlie), Gourmetbusters, Pecanpuff Girls, The Three Sausagees (more like two sausages and one bun). You’ve always cringed at the last one.

Despite your trio’s antics, Rafa considers himself the third wheel more than anything. Rafael was not oblivious to the crush on Seokjin that you’ve been harboring for months. 

It was the day of your graduation from the short course you’d taken - the three of you decided to have a celebratory wine party at Seokjin’s rented apartment. That same night was when you found yourself drunk on pinot noir and Seokjin’s lips. The rest was history. 

Finding the bed and the rest of his apartment empty the next morning, you took your leave and fared your walk of shame along the streets of Paris with teary eyes and a bruised heart. 

Your Mr. OGF also turned out to be Mr. One God-Tier Fucker. Or perhaps the title also belonged to you, Ms. One Gigantic Fool, who thought that maybe she could have been more than a one-night-stand between two colleagues whose relationship could never be more than a professional one. 

Colleagues. The apparent ‘label’ lets out a boisterous laugh at your face. Gosh, you’re a pathetic fucking fool. 

Thankfully, your flight back to Korea was scheduled that day as well,, so you wouldn’t have to see Seokjin’s pretty face any longer or rather - what you wouldn’t admit even to yourself - you wouldn’t be able to confront the face of the truth you wanted to hide deep beneath the recesses of your heart. 

At least, that’s what you thought. 

One and a half years after you got your certificate in Paris, you had finally saved enough money to start your business - a gourmet restaurant situated in the heart of Gangnam. You already had patrons from the restaurant where you previously worked, and the opening of Canapé had garnered more customers than you initially expected. 

Business had been thriving for a year, that is, until someone decided to erect a new gourmet restaurant just beside yours. Having a rivalling establishment wasn’t new news to you, neither did it truly bother you as to no longer having the monopoly in gourmet restaurants located in this part of Gangnam. 

A week after the opening of your neighbor’s Ambrosia - you decided to bring over a friendly bottle of wine you had shipped straight from France with the hopes that you can become acquainted with your fellow restaurateur. 

As you move along the crosswalk and reach Ambrosia’s podium outside intended for the maitre d’, you shift your weight between your legs, an unconscious habit that only Seokjin took notice of. Ridding your thoughts of the man who shall no longer be named, you let your mind wander off to your own worker’s description of the alleged owner. 

Out of all your staff’s depiction of Ambrosia’s owner, it’s your sommelier’s and manager’s descriptions that have struck you the most. 

Yoongi, your timid sommelier, tells you that the owner was a stout man in his mid-forties with Caucasian features, while your manager, Jinhee said he was a man around your age with a face and built that could easily pass for a K-Pop idol. 

You were leaning towards Yoongi’s description because Jinhee would have most likely mistaken a real idol for the owner since there were plenty of celebrities who hung out in Gangnam and would meet up in restaurants like yours. Either way, celebrity look-a-like or not, you were determined to meet your neighbor. 

“There’s someone outside, Hobi,” a busser informs the maitre d as he wipes the last table for the day. Three pairs of eyes look at you through the glass. 

You continuously peer from the outside as you can’t see much from due to the darkness inside, where only a few dim lights are on. “Go on then, Hobi,” the owner states, nudging the maitre d towards the door. 

Hoseok takes a glimpse of you through the glass panel and faces the owner. “Hyung, she seems pretty. Why don’t you do it? You ought to have a proper girlfriend right now. It’s about time you move on from your love interest in Paris! Plus you’re the owner of the restaurant!”

“Hobi, I still have to do kitchen check, remember? And for the record, I have moved on from her. Chop chop.” Hobi gives him an incredulous look, highly doubting his boss had already forgotten about her. “Right away, Mr. Seokdon Ramsay.”

You’re drawn from your thoughts when you hear the melodic sound of the bell as the door opens and a man with a bright smile comes out. “Hello! My name’s Hobi, can I help you with anything?”

“Um..hi! I’m from Canapé just across the street… are you, perhaps, the owner of Ambrosia?” 

“Oh! I’m not the owner…I wish I was though if I had someone pretty like you looking for me…” You laugh awkwardly in response, unsure of what you should reply to such a line. The two of you remain standing there, staring at each other. “Um...is the owner there then? It would be nice if I can speak to him or her or them…” you let out a small cough, looking away.

“Right! Of course, sorry about that! I’ll tell him to come out.” Hobi scurries back inside and soon you hear incoherent yelling and laughter from inside the restaurant.

“Hyungnim! Hyung!!” Hobi calls out once more, eyes searching wildly for Seokjin. “What now?” Seokjin emerges from the kitchen with the busser in tow. “Hyung! She’s fucking hot! And I feel like I’ve known her from somewhere…plus she says she’s from our neighboring restaurant! I told you, you were the one who should’ve gone out there. By the way, I think she’s calling wine o’clock too – and the bottle she’s holding looks like expensive French Cabernet Sauvignon!”

Seokjin narrows his eyes at his maitre d, “You seem to have been spending a lot of time with that sommelier from across the street.” The owner of Ambrosia shakes his head at his friend, who pushes him towards the door. “Hurry! You wouldn’t want to keep a pretty girl waiting!”

You’ve been waiting patiently outside, shifting your weight from one foot to the other as you watch people come and go. The streets of Gangnam was always lively, and it still surprises you at this point that you had decided to put up a restaurant in the midst of the hustle and bustle of a city like such because you’ve always wanted to erect one by the countryside with the whole organic theme going on. Nonetheless, you were happy with your decision of establishing one in Gangnam.

The bell dings again, and as you turn on your heel to check the much-anticipated owner of Canapé, you nearly drop the pricey bottle of red wine in your hands. It’s Mr. man-who-shall-no-longer-be-named. You’re stood there shell-shocked, mouth agape at the man in front of you.

He hasn’t changed one bit, well, except for the more handsome features. He’s changed his hairstyle too, now opting for an exposed forehead instead of those bangs he’d impulsively cut by his own in the middle of the night. His shoulders remain the same, miraculously; just an inch wider and he could’ve been a great replacement for a meter stick at Encore, the clothing store that offered bespoke clothing just down the road.

“_________?”

Seokjin starts to speak, yet you can’t seem to bring yourself to do the same. There’s too much you wanted to say, ask , and rant about that your mouth remains hanging open awkwardly – almost as if you’re squawking. You bow in embarrassment, apologizing for your behavior and run back to your restaurant.

The Gourmet Chefs Association of East Asia was holding its annual even today at The Andaz Seoul and you just had this gut feeling Seokjin was going to be there. With yesterday’s discovery that your neighboring, rivaling, restaurant was owned by none other than Kim Seokjin himself, you already had an inkling he was invited to GCAEA’s event tonight.

Your suspicions had been confirmed as one of the event’s producers sent you an email earlier this morning, that which contains the list of nominees for the title of GCAEA’s Chef of the Year – the same title that was bestowed upon you just last year. Seokjin was the first nominee for this year’s awarding ceremony.

Kudos to him. Despite knowing that your hatred for him was fueled by more personal reasons, you knew deep down inside the recesses of your brain that he was a really, really talented chef. Probably just as good as you – of course, you can easily admit that you’re still lacking in plenty but you don’t think your pride will allow you to accept defeat from Seokjin just like that after all he’d done.

You only had the chance to look at Seokjin for a good seven seconds yesterday, but it had taken you at least seven hours, a tub of ice cream, and a Captain America movie marathon to reassure yourself that having seen him so close yesterday wasn’t just an actual nightmare.

As much as you hated to admit it, he remained just as handsome as he was three years ago. What you couldn’t get over with though, was how he actually smiled at you yesterday. That little fucker had to audacity to show his perfect little pearly whites at you! All over again, you’re reminded of how he left you in his room the morning after, or how much of a fucking fool you were for having believed that the two of you could’ve been something more than friends.

Rearranging your dress for the nth time today, you take another look at the mirror, twisting and turning to see if there might be some thread hanging off the hems of the dress. You’re starting to question your decided outfit for the night. You had a dress done just for this event – or more specifically, what sort of dress Jinhee had ordered to be sewn just for this event.

It hugged your curves perfectly – the dress a perfect merger between modest and seductive. It had a nude-illusion base with silver sequins sewn onto the thin fabric and a low-cut neckline that gives everyone a lovely view of your cleavage.

This one could easily pass as an evening gown for a Miss Universe candidate. You felt confident, beautiful, and sexy but at the same time you felt like you wanted to just huddle yourself up in your duvet in the corner of your room and eat ice cream. You weren’t uncomfortable with showing skin from time to time, but having been clad in a double-breasted jacket on a daily means it felt strange having your neckline displayed in public.

Your phone dings, indicating a text message. Yoongi had offered to be your chauffeur for this evening, of course, after being coerced and bribed by Jinhee into doing it.

[yoongles 🍷 ] 6:43pm

hurry up, or i’ll leave you behind

[you] 6:43pm

yoongs

It’s MY car WE’RE using

you don’t even have my keys yet

[yoongles 🍷 ] 6:45pm

u get the idea, woman

dont keep me waiting

“Well maybe if you won’t stop texting, I’ll be quicker,” you grumble to your phone, placing it inside your purse so Yoongi won’t bother you any longer. Doing one last twirl in the mirror, you grab your necessities you’ve gathered on your bedside table and sweep them into your purse.

“You clean up nicely, boss.”

Squinting your eyes at Yoongi with his words, you send him a grateful smile nonetheless. “I’m gonna take that as a compliment.” This was the closes thing to an actual compliment that you were ever going to receive from Yoongi in your entire lifetime, so you were sure to keep his words close to your heart.

Taking your car keys from your purse, you toss them to Yoongi who catches them deftly with one hand. “Ooh, you looked cool when you did that.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You gave me a compliment, so I’m going to give you one in return. As a token of gratitude.”

“Remind me never to say anything to you ever again.”

“Hey! You talk back like that to the woman who’s giving you money for your daily needs?! And you won’t even open the door for me?” you ask your past neighbor-turned-sommelier-turned-close-friend. “It’s called a salary, Ms. _______. And I receive that as compensation because I give you my services in exchange for it. Plus, I’m already seated here,” Yoongi shrugs, adjusting the rear view mirror.

Rolling your eyes, you begrudgingly open the door to your backseat, exerting much effort in swinging one leg after the other with your incredibly tight evening gown. And, of course making sure the short train won’t get caught between the car doors.

Yoongi checks if you’re all good through the rear-view mirror and once he sees you buckle up, he lets the engine roar to life. You take out your phone from your purse to see if you’ve received any other emails, only for the phone to get flung from your hands – including you.

The car surges forward all of a sudden and Yoongi steps on the breaks just in time. You hear Yoongi curse under his breath, looking over his shoulder to check if you’re okay. “Shit! I forgot you drove a Maserati!”

“I think the more appropriate thing to do is to ask me if I’m still okay…Also, it doesn’t matter what kind of car I drive, because I think you forgot how to actually drive at all.” You complain, adjusting the seatbelt across your chest, the sudden jolt leaving a diagonal red mark just by your collarbone.

“Well, you aren’t dead, so technically speaking, you’re okay.” Unbelievable. You let out a loud scoff, unable to think of anything wittier to say. “Just please get me there in one piece, Yoongs.”

You manage to get to the hotel in one piece. Thank heavens.

The small talk you made with Yoongi on your way to the hotel had temporarily taken your mind off the jitters but now that he’s left you standing by the entrance of the hotel, the nerves had definitely returned, tenfold. You’re also unfortunately dropped off at a spot where a standee of yours holding the Gourmet Chef of the Year award is staring back at you. God, you hated that photo. They did not give your eyebrows justice, at all.

You exhale all your nervousness away as you take the steps to the lobby. “_______!” Someone calls out, the voice too familiar to miss out on.  “Sunbae!” You turn around to see one of the most revered chefs in Korea, and definitely one of your favorite mentors, Choi Jiyoung. The woman nearing her fifties extends her arms out in greeting and you give her a tight hug. You had worked under her supervision in the past, and she had taught you almost everything you knew about Korean cuisine.  

“Ah, it’s been too long darling! Look at you! You’ve grown into such a beautiful woman!” Misun praises as her grip on you tightens and pulls you by the elbow, “Surely, there’s a lucky man that has swept my sweet _______ by now!” Your senior adds, punctuating her sentence with a wink at the end.

“I’ve been pretty busy these days… and dating hasn’t really crossed my mind recently.”

‘That’s because the last man I’ve wanted to date was three years ago and he’d just considered me a one-night stand and now after I’ve struggled to burn his existence from my memory and to be very frank with you, I really haven’t gotten over him and now he just so happens to be the owner of the restaurant beside mine. Also, he’s stealing my customers.’ Comes your real answer inside your head, but you’ll never tell anyone that.

Jiyoung pouts at your answer, but taps your forearm, “We’ll talk more about that inside. Come on darling, the event is starting.”

Seokjin sees you finally enter the lobby, eyes scanning the few people scattered around the area as you look for a familiar face you could approach. All eyes are on you, yet you don’t notice, like always. You don’t realize how beautiful you are, blushing furiously under the simplest compliments. You’ve got this certain charm that certainly draws people towards you, all the more when they get to know you better, just like what you did to him.

Seokjin remembers the first time he’d actually seen you – on the television. He’d been scrolling aimlessly through the channels, trying to look for something to watch as he waits for the water to boil for his ramen. He’d accidentally stopped by Channel K99’s ‘Choi Jiyoung Kitchen Specials’ reruns during midnight when he checked his phone after it dinged, alerting him of a notification on his email: just another alert to renew his ‘KOREA’ magazine subscription, where he’d secretly get new recipes, try them out, add a little twist, and serve them to his customers at his parent’s restaurant.

As he was about to press the off button on the remote, you enter the frame as the camera pans out when Choi Jiyoung introduces you as her new assistant and protégé. For some reason, this show just got all the more interesting for Seokjin, who’s clearly drawn to you and not the scrumptious seafood platter that Chef Choi was preparing.

He’d followed you on all his social media accounts after that night, even going as far as turning on his notifications for each post you made. He was unsure what had drawn him to you in the first place – whether it be the fact that you were probably the first female chef he’d seen in Korea that was just about his age (that or he really just didn’t pay any attention to women in the same field during the early years of his career), or that you were unbelievably skilled at such a young age with apparently, a lot of culinary awards and certificates under your belt.

Funny enough, Seokjin wasn’t really one to delve into the world of pastry but judging from your most recent Instagram posts during those days, you had taken interest in patisserie, which only caused Seokjin to attempt baking his own first croissant. He finally understood your enthusiastic devotion for it ever since. Then came Les Coulisses Du Chef, where Rafa, an exchange-student-turned-friend of his from his culinary school days had secured him a slot for a semester at the prestigious school of gastronomy in Paris to get a certificate on French pastry.

He wasn’t expecting you though, out of all people, to join the official list of the class as well, last minute.

It took him three weeks before he finally spoke to you, much to Rafa’s exasperation. Seokjin would keep nagging the French man, telling him how much he wanted to talk to you, yet he can’t seem to grow some balls to do so. In annoyance, he’d told Seokjin that the best way to break the ice was to tell a joke – this time, much to Seokjin’s chagrin. He’d never thought secondhand embarrassment was a thing until Seokjin actually heeded his advice and told you about the ‘impasta’. Surprisingly enough, it worked, so voila!

If only you knew how nervous Seokjin was during that time, clammy hands and all. In fact – if only you knew how jittery Seokjin was whenever he was near you. He’s pretty sure he’d ruined his credibility and career after busting out that lame ass joke Rafa had told him, but it turned out to be the only way he actually got closer to you so he was partly grateful for Rafa’s advice – reputation be damned. 

Just like tonight, the moment his eyes fall on you, he feels like he’s being drawn back to his room, eyes trained on you as you diligently followed each of Chef’s Choi’s directions, or that time he’d first spoke to you back in your French patisserie class. He diverts his gaze elsewhere from the fear that you might catch him staring.

“Hey, man. Isn’t that ________? The girl you’ve been crushing on since forever?” Minjae asks, elbowing Seokjin at the waist. The latter grimaces slightly in pain, before reluctantly letting his gaze settle on you once more.

Jungkook returns from the bathroom, joining the duo by the reception. “Wow, who’s that?” the younger man asks, nodding towards your direction. With Jungkook being a fairly new member of the association, curiosity is getting the best of him with all the faces he’s seeing.

Similar to a little kid at a toy shop, he’s constantly asking his hyungs if the people he was seeing were the actual people he’d seen on the internet or on the television. Minjae, who indulges every question of the maknae of their small circle of friends with great enthusiasm, answers Jungkook. “That’s _______, Kook.”

“No way! That’s her?! As in the _________?” The only female chef in Korea who received her first Michelin star in her twenties?! As in ________ Choi Jiyoung’s protégé?!”

“Yes, Kook, that’s her alright. And also the same ________ who will hear you soon enough and will find you weird if you don’t keep your voice down.”

“She’s also the same recipient of the award your Seokjin hyung is nominated for this year,” Jiwon adds, wriggling his eyebrows at Seokjin.

“That’s so cool!” Jungkook exclaims as their whole group watches you approach the infamous Choi Jiyoung. “Hyung, do you think she’s single?” Jungkook asks to nobody in particular, considering they were all his hyungs. Minjae and Jiwon glance at Seokjin who returns their glances with a light glare.

“Why don’t you go find out after the party then?” Seokjin suggests, ignoring that certain pang of jealousy that blossoms in his chest at his own proposal.

“Tell me you’re kidding, hyung.”

“Huh?”

“Come on! That’s your girl! You’re going to let go of her just like that?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kook.”

“Hyung. I may be the maknae, but I am neither blind nor dumb. Anyone with two eyes and a functioning brain will know you have the hots for her.” Minjae and Jiwon snicker at the younger one’s comment. Seokjin, albeit being second to the youngest, gives them a glare the makes them cower behind Jungkook.

“Am I really that obvious?”

“Well no. But every time we go out, the only notifications that pop up in your screen are her posts on Instagram. Don’t you think that’s a tad bit…pathetic, hyung?”

Ooh and aahs  come from the two other men, who are reveling at the harsh bluntness of Jungkook’s words. It’s the maknae who receives Seokjin’s side-eye next. “Need I remind you who’s the older one here?”

“The point exactly! We’re not getting any younger, hyung. Better ask her out now…before I beat you to it.” Seokjin’s mouth falls open in astonishment, while Jungkook just smiles at him in return. “Come on hyung, they’re calling us inside.”

“Well, well, would you look at that stunner over there?” She comments, nodding her head towards someone over your shoulder. There he was, the infamous Kim Seokjin, clad in an all-black ensemble, a single silver chain necklace hanging on his neck. His hair is swept to the side, revealing a bit of his forehead.

“Oh boy.” Jung Chungae fans herself as your greatest rival turns sideways, showing off his side-profile while animatedly telling a story to a fellow colleague seated with them. “Oh how I wish we could just go back to our golden years for just one night!” The rest of the table laughs at Chungae’s comment.

“I personally think you and that man would make a great couple.” Jiyoung says, leaning towards you.

“The other man sat on his right doesn’t seem to think that way though,” Chungae says, picking on her dessert, whispering ‘cute guy from same table’ discreetly. As if on cue, the rest of the ladies, you included, turn your heads towards Seokjin’s table. True to sunbae Chungae’s implications, there was another man beside Seokjin who was staring back at you. You believe Jungkook was his name… nevertheless, you get shy under his stare, averting your eyes back to the presently attractive flower arrangement at the center of your table.

The servers pile inside in pairs, approaching each table to take your dessert plates. You see the host rise from his chair and take the stairs to the stage. He taps the microphone, checking if the audio was working, “To announce this year’s Gourmet Chefs Association of East Asia – Chef of the Year award, may I call on Ms. _________.”

Minjae nudges Seokjin as you stand up from your seat. “Hyung, quit it before other people see you.”

“Come on now, get your ass up and walk her to the stage!”

“She can perfectly walk on her own though?”

“Come on, it’s plus points both for her and the crowd! Give these oldies a show, idiot.”

“N-“

“Hyung, if you won’t do it, I will.” Jungkook says from across the table, eyeing you as you excuse yourself from the other ladies in your table.

Seokjin stares at Jungkook and purses his lips. He discards of the napkin on his lap at once, lightly throwing the piece of cloth on the table. As he stands up, few murmurs of curiosity follow him as he approaches you.

“Ms. ________, may I?” You’re surprised when somebody suddenly appears on your side, offering his arm out for you to hold onto. You hear sunbae Jiyoung quietly cheer you on, nodding her head once to accept Seokjin’s display of manners. The rest of the audience likewise cheers the young man on with a few men whooping and a number of ladies cooing at the sight.  Frankly, it wasn’t even that long of a walk until the stage but a part of you was grateful, knowing for yourself that you truly weren’t used to wearing long dresses like these. 

As you both reach the stage, with your hand hooked around Seokjin’s elbow, he places another hand atop yours for extra support. The action seems to have the opposite effect. Suddenly all too aware of the proximity between you two, a shiver runs through your spine, secretly hoping the gulp that you make at the sensation goes unnoticed. At the end of the stairs, you give him a curt bow and say your thanks, unable to look him in the eye.

The emcee hands you the microphone and an envelope, containing the name of the awardee. You tap the mic once, then twice. “This is on, right?” The audience laughs in response. “Woops, sorry,” you apologize meekly before starting your half-impromptu, half-practiced speech.

“I’d like to take this opportunity to thank, first and foremost, the board of judges who have bestowed upon me this same award this time last year, and now I have had the greatest honor to announce the awardee later on. I would also like to send my gratitude to all those who have been my mentors here in Korea and overseas – for I have taken your pieces of advice to my heart and they have guided me wonderfully throughout these years, especially sunbae Choi Jiyoung, who has molded me into the woman and chef that I am today. Also, here’s a special mention to Chef Lee for having prepared this wonderful course for us this lovely evening – I absolutely admire how he manages to make Korean staples like Kimchi Jjigae and Pajeon so…flavorful like it’s been made with his entire heart and soul poured into each detail. Wow. Could we have a round of applause for Chef Lee tonight?”

The audience complies quickly with your request while Chef Lee gives you a bow of gratitude by the doors of the event hall.

“Lastly, I would also like to acknowledge the presence of a beloved mentor of mine, back when I took patisserie classes back in Paris – Mr. Frank Boucher, who had, by the way, also prepared his signature Apple Tarte Tatin for our dessert tonight. So without further ado, the Gourmet Chefs Association of East Asia – Chef of the Year award goes to, drumroll please!” Your tongue feels like it got stuck in your throat, but you pull yourself back to reality quick enough so no one else notices.

“Kim Seokjin! Congratulations!”

Seokjin had just barely gotten back to his seat when he hears his name being called. He stands up, beautiful facial features twisted into one of confusion. “You won Chef of the Year bro! Congrats!” Minjae pats Seokjin’s butt briefly before pushing him back towards the stage.

As you hand him the trophy, you give each other a small smile, likewise posing for the cameras. The photographer gestures for you to scoot closer to each other with his hands. It’s getting harder to fake your smile. You wanted nothing more but to go home. Or maybe you could pass by Canapé and take a bottle of wine home for yourself 

Thankfully, the awarding the Chef of the Year signals the nearing conclusion of the event, and as soon as you get back to your seat, you send a text to Yoongi, telling him that the event will be over in a couple more minutes.

The event ends quicker than expected, and you find yourself bidding goodbye to everyone else as soon as the emcee officially ends the ceremony. You badly wanted to go home and rest, with only a few hours left for sleep before another work day starts.

You see Yoongi pull up by the entrance after a few more minutes. “How was the party?” You tell him what happened during the event, completely leaving out Seokjin’s appearance and antics. “Let’s just drop you off by your apartment first then I’ll go drive back to the restaurant to grab something.”

“I can go with?”

“It’s fine Yoongs. Besides, we have work in a few hours. You already sleep during work, what more if I keep you awake for an extra couple of minutes tonight?”

Yoongi just shakes his head at you, saying nothing else in reply. He finds you uncharacteristically quiet after a big event like this and wants to ask you about it, but you seem too lost in your thoughts that he doesn’t want to bother you any further. You arrive at his place shortly and as you get down from the car to switch places, you give him a hug and thank him for being your chauffeur. “Oh, and _______? Your French Cabernet Sauvignon is at the third row from the top. And drink at home, please. See you tomorrow.”

Passing through the main entrance of your restaurant, you turn on a few lights by the wine rack to aid your search for the alcoholic beverage. You make a beeline for the wooden structure attached to the wall. Third row from the top… reaching out, you grab on a bottle, reading out its name, ‘Chateau Pichon Longueville 2015 Pauillac’. This will most likely do the trick.

All of a sudden, a knock comes from your door, startling you out of your wits. Quickly, you scurry to the kitchen, looking for something that can protect you in case this person means harm. Your extensive collection of knives is what comes into your mind first, but you wouldn’t want them to be considered murder weapons, in case the worst scenario comes into play.

So you settle for the rolling pin, clutching the cylindrical utensil tightly in your hands. “Who’s there?” you call out, hoping the fear wont seep through your words. “Um, it’s Frank. Frank Boucher. Is that you inside, _______?”

Letting your hands fall to the side, you cautiously near the door, still clutching the rolling pin in your hands. You can’t be too sure nowadays. You sneak a glace through the glass panels to confirm his identity. Breathing a sigh of relief when you see it really was your mentor back in Paris, you set aside the rolling pin and unlock the door.

“_________!”

“Ah, and to what do I owe this pleasure, Chef Boucher?”

“I wanted to talk to you back at the event, but I’m guessing you left early…”

“Um, yes…still a lot of work to do tomorrow.”  

“Can I get you anything, perhaps? I- I grabbed a bottle of wine just now… would you like some? Or water maybe?”

“Wine is always a great choice, _______. Also I’m here to tell you something important, but I’ll let you grab two glasses first, for our usage.”

“Of course! Please feel free to sit anywhere you like.”

“Quaint restaurant you have here, ______. This is the same Canapé you told me in your email right?”  

“Yep! Would you mind a few crackers and goat’s cheese to go with the wine?”

“That sounds perfect, though you really don’t have to bother yourself with all of that…” You shrug off his comment, reassuring him that it was the least you could do after having taught you so much when you were back in Paris.

You finally get everything ready, one hand holding a plate full of crackers and cheese, while the other holds two wine glasses. As soon as you get seated, Frank takes upon him the honor of opening the bottle, pouring a sufficient amount of the beverage onto your glasses. “I meant to give this to you personally earlier, but I could no longer find you after the party ended.” He hands you a white envelope with your name and Canapé’s address printed at the back. 

“You’ve been invited to the Asian Gourmet Conference in the Philippines next week.” You choke on the wine you’re drinking, embarrassingly turning into a coughing mess in front of your mentor. He looks at you expectantly as you open the envelope.

“Wait. This is real?! No way!” Frank laughs at your reaction, excitement evident in your voice as you skim over the words indicated on the paper. “Oh my goodness! This is such a great event! And the opportunities! Please bring the wine home, Chef Boucher! It’s on the house.” The French man laughs harder at your offer, but he doesn’t decline.

“I’m glad you’re this excited, because you’re going with Seokjin.”

Immensely thanking the heavens that you were looking down the whole time while reading the document, else your mentor would’ve seen the instantaneous scowl that graced your face at the mere mention of the-man-who-shall-not-be-named.

You force a smile onto your features before looking back up at Frank. “Kim Seokjin? As in Kim Seokjin who just won GCAEA’s Chef of the Year Award earlier?”

With slumped shoulders, you lean farther backward in your seat. The Asian Gourmet Conference was one of the most anticipated conferences in the whole of Asia. It was an event highly awaited by many in the culinary field, especially one of its main events where they invite gourmet chefs from all parts of the world to compete for the best dish ever and a $200,000 prize.

The contest was another thing though, because two representatives will be vying for each country, so the winning pair will get to come home with $100,000 each. You really wouldn’t have put any thought into who your partner would have been if you were.

Your head fills with dread at the thought of having Seokjin as your partner. It was bad enough that he owns the gourmet restaurant next to yours, and that he’d attended GCAEA which caused more unwanted interactions with him.

“Yes him. From what I’ve heard, people say he’s a rising star, and that his newly established restaurant was getting a lot of good reviews.”

“It’s the restaurant next to mine, chef.”

“Ha! Seems like you’ve finally met your match, darling. Pretty sure that can apply romance-wise as well…”

“Why does everybody keep shipping us?” You wonder, subconsciously vocalizing your thoughts.

“You two look like you have his-…I think… you two would just look great together!”

“Ship? You know what ship means?” You look at him incredulously.

“It’s when you like the idea of two people together right? My daughter says it all time because of these Korean boys with bright hair – actually, when she knew I was going here to attend GCAEA as a guest she kept on nagging me to buy her albums and these sticks…”

“Sticks?”

“Yeah, the lightning ones?”

“Lightning?” You stifle a laugh. “You mean lightsticks, right?”

“Whatever they’re called, _______.” Frank Boucher gives you his infamous glare.

Nearly snorting at the sight of your mentor looking physically and mentally exhausted with trying to keep up with his fangirling daughter, you offer him another bottle because he seems like he needs it more than you do.

Your conversation falls into talking about your current lives and the stresses of running a restaurant, with Frank eventually leading the conversation about the person you’d least likely enjoy talking about. He tells you about your neighboring rival, how he’s done just as well with his own place like what you did with yours. He’s proud that both of his students had established their names in Korea’s gourmet society even at such a young age.

The clocks finally hits ten thirty and Frank takes this as his cue to get going.“Great! Your plane ticket and hotel booking has probably already been sent by my secretary to your email. The convention is only for three days, but the two extra days are on me. Take it as a gift for Canapé’s opening. Go enjoy yourself, _______”

Forcing another bright smile onto your face, you bid your goodbye to your mentor, locking the front door of your restaurant as he leaves.  Five days with Seokjin. May the gods have mercy on you.

The four-hour flight to the Philippines had been excruciatingly awkward. To say the least.

You hadn’t talked to each other for the most part. In fact, the only time you had interacted with each other was when you’d waken him up because you had already landed at the airport. The both of you had barely spoken to each other even on your way to the hotel. Occasionally he’d ask you questions that only warranted monosyllabic responses from you.

You’re glad that weariness passed as the only excuse for the lack of interaction. The moment you’d met up at the airport, fatigue had already been evident in both your faces, so your pair had ended up with alternating sleeping schedules during the length of your flight and up to the taxi ride to your hotel.

Only a few words were shared between you when you’ve finally arrived in front of your rooms – something along the lines of ‘good night’ and ‘see you tomorrow’. As you let sleep take over you that night, you pray that everything will go smoothly for the entirety of your stay.

“Lovely afternoon to all of you present here today at this year’s Asian Gourmet Conference!” Excited applause falls amongst the crowd, cheering on different countries, even though they screamed the most for Team Philippines. The host greets the audience and the participants one more time, before proceeding to the guidelines of the event.

“For the first challenge of our main event, we’d like the chefs to cook two staple dishes from their respective home countries – but with a twist! Our chefs will have to use Filipino ingredients only! This is where we put their creativity and talent to the test. To our chefs, please be reminded that we will be giving you an hour to prepare your fusion dishes. While you guys are cooking, I’ll be going around to interview almost fifty chefs who have come from all parts of the world just to join us today.”

You start brainstorming with Seokjin the moment the host leaves the stage. “You’ve been to the Philippines a few times right? You’ve tried some of their food?” your partner asks, turning to you. You’re surprised he even remembered…if you had recalled properly, you had only mentioned it once back in Paris that you did visit the Philippines on occasion.

“Um, yes…I’ve been here a couple of times,” you reply, racking your brain for any Korean dishes that might hold any similarity with Korean staples. “I only remember Sinigang, and Adobe…”

“I’m pretty sure they call it Adobo here Seokjin,” you make no attempt to suppress the giggle the escapes your lips as he mistakes computer software for food.

“But the challenge is only to make our home country’s staples with Philippine ingredients… so this shouldn’t be that big of a fusion problem since rice is also considered a vital part of their meals here…”

“You think good ‘ole Bibimbap will do? Pretty much all the ingredients are available here…What else could we have?” Seokjin asks, taking a notepad and a pen from his jacket. “We can have tteokbokki for the appetizer and bingsu for dessert.”

You get to cooking right after you and Seokjin agree on the ingredients you were going to use. Maybe working with Seokjin wasn’t so bad after all. Not even fifteen minutes into the competition, you see a few girls cheer Seokjin on, ceaselessly calling your partner “Seokjin oppa!” They screams only seem to spur Seokjin on, who’s now showing off his knife skills. You roll your eyes as you shake your head, crushing the garlic a little too hard against the board.

“Jealous much?” your partner asks. You can feel Seokjin smirking beside you.

“You wish, Kim Seokjin.”

“Whatever floats your boat, ________,” he sighs, “If only my partner could also send me words of encouragement rather than staying silent the whole time,” he mumbles to himself, thinking it wasn’t loud enough for you to hear.

“You and I both know this mouth is better at something else.” You turn to him, giving Seokjin a playful wink before setting the ingredients to the bibimbap on one side. He nearly drops the knife he’s holding at your comment, obviously scandalized by your innuendo.

Even with the time racing against you, everything was still going as planned, you just needed to hurry with the final parts of the dishes and you’d be able to beat the buzzer which was bound to ring in less than twenty minutes. That is until the salt container placed on top of this tall arrangement of pots topples over the shaved ice you’ve prepared for the bingsu. You see the ice melt before your eyes, and you quickly move to the container, removing some of the ice that was turning into water.

“Shit! Sorry ________!” He drops the pans he held in his arms onto the sink, scampering to your side afterwards. “Can I help –“

“No! I…It’s fine, Seokjin, just…just go back to whatever you were doing earlier. And please be careful next time.” Seokjin nods curtly, before going back to clean the pans. “______, why does it smell like something’s burning?”

“Fuck!” Cursing under your breath, you hurry towards the pot where the rice was cooking. As you remove the cover, the smell of burnt rice and a failed dish wafts through your nose, causing you to take a deep breath as you attempt to calm yourself down.

Reluctantly, you scoop out the rice that wasn’t burnt and place it onto the stone pot and start plating your bibimbap. Seokjin likewise helps you finish plating the tteokbokki and bingsu in silence.

Needless to say, your burnt rice didn’t make it through the first round. It didn’t mean that you were disqualified from the competition though, but in order to win the cash prize, you will have to make it through all three challenges of the event. That same evening as you take the cab back to the hotel, the despondence in the air is thicker than ever.

“See you tomorrow, ______.” Seokjin says, giving you a small smile as he stops in front of his door.

“Right. See you tomorrow, Seokjin. Sleep well.”

It’s ironic how it was you who actually needed that phrase and not Seokjin. You’ve watched the clock tick away, turned on the television for something to watch on the local news channels which were thankfully spoken in English, you had also resorted to Netflix on your phone, but all to no avail.

Admittedly, you had finished an Iced Americano in fifteen minutes earlier this morning but you figure it’s the entire ‘burnt rice’ accident that’s keeping you awake at this hour. Heaving a deep sigh, you lift the covers off your body, put on a hoodie and headed outside.

You pause by Seokjin’s door momentarily, with the strong urge to knock on his door and apologize for your lack of professionalism earlier this afternoon. Seokjin didn’t really mean to pour the salt over the ice at the event, and the way you reacted was unnecessarily rude.

Seokjin was probably asleep though, and you didn’t want to further embarrass yourself by waking him in the middle of the night. Retracting your hand that was merely inches away from his door, you turn on your heel and decide to apologize to him first thing in the morning tomorrow. Maybe even get him an extra something to show the depth of your regret and guilt.

After having asked the receptionist for directions towards the nearest convenience store, you’re suddenly regretting having worn shorts on your way out – the exposed skin of your legs prickling as the chilly evening air bites at it. Spotting 7-Eleven just across the street, you walk quickly towards the convenience store, desperate to feel warmth in this cold night.

The mellifluous sound of the bell echoes throughout the small store as you enter, that particular smell of convenience stores wafting through your senses. You decide to explore the shop a little, trying to look for something to eat.

Quite ironically, you’ve cooked nearly a thousand dishes in your lifetime, and having to cook another shouldn’t be that much of a burden but when your mind is swirling with thoughts just like tonight, you can’t seem to bring yourself to cook even the simplest dish – like it’s too great of a task to burden yourself with.

So during times like this, you turn to instant noodles, the ultimate lifesaver since your culinary school days. Hopefully no one from GCAEA or the AGC finds you like this, a dignified gourmet chef who’s starting to establish her name in the culinary field, crawling convenience stores in the middle of the night and slurping instant noodles away like it’s her last day on Earth.

You finally get to the noodles section, where you see a man in a hoodie, likewise skimming through the same aisle as you. The receptionist had told you to be wary of sketchy-looking people especially during the wee hours of the morning so you hurry with your own search as you look for a certain brand of cup noodles. Shin Ramyeon.

It should be here somewhere… As far as you’re concerned as a consumer, it’s being exported to over a hundred countries now so it must be here. Going over the entire aisle one last time, you finally see the red cup, reaching over the lone cup of Shin Ramyeon left on the shelf. The problem was, you weren’t the only one who was reaching for it.

Why do those fingers look insanely familiar?

Your eyes widen gradually as you slowly trail them up to see the owner of those hands. Of course, who else could it have been? You call out each other’s name at the same time.

“Seokjin.” “________.”

“You can have it.” You spoke in unison again.

“It’s fine really, you can have it. I’ll just look for another brand,” you tell him, handing over the cup with perfectly controlled reluctance.

“Would you mind if we shared, perhaps?” You stare at him, completely taken aback by his offer. “Or not…I mean- forget I even said that… Here take it.” He hands the cup to you and starts to leave.

“Jin! I- I don’t mind sharing.” Biting on his lip, he attempts to hide the smile that slowly etches into his face as he hears the nickname only you have for him. He turns to face you again. “Okay.” Seokjin gives you a smile, grabs the cup noodles from your grasp and orders you to look for seats while he pays for your shared midnight snack.  

Slowly, you trudge towards the limited number of seats they offer at the convenience store and find a spot by the windows. Seokjin arrives at your table a couple of minutes afterwards.

It was now or never. You owed Seokjin an apology after having rudely declined his offer of help during the event, even when the whole fiasco was just an accident. You figure if you don’t apologize for your unjust behavior, guilt is most likely going to eat at you for a very, very long time. Seokjin’s dejected yet still beautiful face will haunt you in your dreams.

As Seokjin busies himself with adding the ingredients onto the paper cup, you take this opportunity to speak up. “Jin,” you start, the nickname sending Seokjin’s heart into another frenzy. “About the bibimbap earlier, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, ________. It was my fault anyway. I should be the one apologizing right now, but…hold that thought for a moment…” He looks away, letting out a sneeze. “….it’s the powder seasoning, sorry… As I was saying, I’d also like to apologize about what happened earlier, I mean if I didn’t try to carry so much, the salt wouldn’t have toppled over.”

“Hey! I should be the one apologizing right now! Stop stealing my thunder!” You pout, begrudgingly taking the small carton of milk Seokjin bought to go with the ramen. You can’t say you aren’t pleasantly surprised at how he remembers this habit of yours too. For some reason, he remembers how you always have milk ready whenever you eat something spicy.

“Anyways… I also wanted to apologize for my rude behavior towards you back at the event. It was an accident, yet I reacted badly and declined your assistance. It was only after the event that I realized that we’re supposed to be helping each other, and not treating each other poorly.”

“Don’t worry yourself too much about it, ______. Besides, we still have two days to redeem ourselves right?” Seokjin sends a warm smile your way, one you cannot help but return.

“What else are you waiting for? The ramen is getting cold and lonely.”

“You sure you aren’t talking about yourself?”

“You know, I’m thinking maybe you should get your own instant noodles,” Seokjin comments, fingers curling around the paper cup.

“Okay, okay, geez.” Throwing your hands up in defense, you thank him for paying for the noodles and the milk before pulling your chopsticks apart and digging in. As you take your first bite, Seokjin suddenly speaks up.

“Is it just me, or I am really very anxious right now…what if someone might see us?”

“Last time I checked, there’s nothing wrong with eating inside a convenience store.”  

“No, no. But we’re like… owners…of restaurants…that serve gourmet food…yet here we are, at half past twelve in the morning, sharing cup noodles like it’s the last meal in the world due to a zombie apocalypse.”

“I get how you feel, but I don’t think we’d agree on the zombie apocalypse part…”

The conversation flows naturally between the both of you, like two friends casually catching up with each other’s lives. Seokjin was in the middle of talking when you hear the pitter-patter of rain outside. Tiny droplets of water slide down the glass panels, slowly turning into heavier ones.

You look at each other. “Should we?”

“We can wait this out if you’d like…” Seokjin proposes, though he isn’t so sure he wants to go with his offer either. The sudden downpour doesn’t seem like it was going to stop anytime soon. “Forget what I said, we should leave before this gets worse. Wait here.” Seokjin stands up,  goes through each aisle of the convenience store, and returns to where you’re seated. “Damn, they just ran out of umbrellas.”

“We could just run back the hotel…it’s just one crosswalk away.”

“You sure about that? What if you get sick?”

“Let’s just hope we won’t then.” Seokjin gives you a nod in approval. “Before we go out though,” he pulls his hoodie off his torso, giving you a slight show of his abdominals as he raises his hands. You abruptly look away, before nasty thoughts overcome you.

Placing his hoodie over both your heads, Seokjin peers down at you. “Ready when you are.” The quick sprint back to the hotel has you both screaming and laughing at the same time. You weren’t surprised that Seokjin’s hoodie barely served its purpose. You were both drenched from the neck down, attracting unwanted attention from people with your appearance.

With less than a few more steps before you reach your hotel rooms, you feel trepidation bubbling in the pit of your stomach. What’s going to happen now? Were you supposed to forget what happened between the two of you three years ago just like that? Was your midnight ramen run officially a clean slate?

Seokjin has his back facing you, the thin, white material of his shirt clinging sinfully to his skin. Every second spent with Seokjin was the best form of punishment in both ways “Are you going to sleep?” You don’t think that was going to happen anytime soon, now that you’re once again blessed with his visuals and perfectly sculpted body.

Seokjin turns to face you, waiting for your response. You shake your head no, eyes unabashedly staring at the outline of his six-pack. The man lets out a cough, drawing you out of your reverie. “Wanna keep warm for a bit and talk over hot chocolate?”

Why do you get the feeling it’s not just hot chocolate that’s going to keep you warm tonight?

“Sure.” Your voice comes out small, swallowing loudly as he unlocks the door to his room. 

The tension in the air is so thick that you’re actually having difficulty trying to breathe normally. Seokjin sets his wet hoodie on the floor before meeting your eyes, pupils already dilated. He momentarily holds his stare, eyes raking all over your equally drenched body. He points a finger sideways, “Hot chocolate.” Subconsciously chewing on your bottom lip, you nod, unable to form any coherent words in your head.

As he heads towards the kitchenette, you rub your face with your hands, before placing a hand over your chest. “Calm down, girl. It’s not like you’ve never seen abs before.” This is like Paris all over again, and you weigh the possible outcome of this situation. If you’re reading the signs right, Seokjin is clearly just affected as you are. Are you really willing to wear your heart out on your sleeve like this one more time? You rack your brain for answers, yet all it does is betray you with images of the rippling muscles underneath Seokjin’s shirt.

Ah, fuck it.

“Jin?” you call out as you reach the wall separating the kitchenette. Just as you peek through the divider, Seokjin rakes a hand through his temple, his hair now pushed back and forehead visible. You practically hear your resolve shattering into pieces.

Taking initiative, you close the distance between the both of you, connecting your lips with his in a feverish kiss. He tastes spicy – just like the ramen you’ve shared just minutes ago, but god, your favorite ramen and Seokjin’s lips; if that ain’t the hottest combination in the world – both literally, and figuratively.

You kiss Seokjin fervently like you’re going to crumble if his lips aren’t connected with yours. One hand of his raises to get rid of the scrunchie holding your hair up in a ponytail, and he lets his fingers card through your wet hair gently. The intensity of his kiss practically devours you, his hands grabbing hastily at your clothes. He’s itching to take them off your body, yet you feel the hesitation in his actions, waiting for that sign from you before he can do so as he pleases.

Pulling away to take a breather, you tug your hoodie up and off you, with Seokjin helping you with the task. "You don’t know how much I’ve longed for this, fuck." He seizes your mouth with his once more like a man starved.

Seokjin groans as he finally gets a view of the amount of lace you’re wearing underneath your hoodie. “I’d love to have you in your lingerie another time, but for now, let’s get you naked for me, hmm?” You’re barely allowed a second to fully comprehend his statement about lingerie and another time before Seokjin discards of the red lacy bra you have on and attaching his lips to one of your nipples.

Gasping at the sensation, you arch your back so that you’re practically pressing your chest against his face, greedily asking for more. Hooking a finger inside the waistband of your gym shorts, Seokjin easily tugs your shorts down along with your underwear.

He grabs you by the waist and lifts you up to the counter for his convenience. You shiver slightly when your ass comes in contact with the coldness of the marble. As if on instinct, your legs spread wider, seemingly inviting him to come closer to you.

“You’re so fucking hot, you know that?”

“Mhmmm,” your words are muffled as you ardently kiss him. Seokjin brings his lips back to your breasts, biting and pulling at one while the other gets kneaded under his palm. Equally just as impatient as you are, Seokjin lets a hand trail in between your bodies, tentatively brushing against your core to gauge your reaction.

Your body quakes in anticipation, and Seokjin teases you even further by slowly rubbing the pad of his finger on your clit. “Jin, please,” you beseech. “Gotta prepare you first, baby girl.” Letting your head fall back at the sensation (and the pet name!), Seokjin decides to give you what you want, seeing as though you were wet enough that taking his cock right now won’t be a problem. He finally slides a finger inside, your body trembling at the intrusion. God, it’s been too long.

Okay, honestly speaking, you really didn’t take interest in another man when Seokjin entered your life three years ago, and now that you’re back here in this compromising situation with his finger sliding in and out of you languidly, you feel like you could just cum at the thought of it alone.

Seokjin adds another finger, continuing the pace. You moan wantonly as Seokjin curls his fingers, your velvety walls clenching around his digits. He can tell you’re getting close, but he knew it wasn’t enough.

Without having to slide his fingers out of you, Seokjin grabs at one of the chairs and pulls it towards himself so he can sit.

He hooks his arms under your thighs and pulls you closer, merely centimeters away from your cunt. Your cheeks are set ablaze at his brazen action, opening your mouth to say something, falling speechless yet again as Seokjin’s lips come in contact with your nether lips. The man licks a bold stripe along the length of your folds, your hands instantly finding purchase on his hair as you’ve got nothing else to hold on to. He repeats the action all over again, this time adding his fingers to slide in and out of you and toy with your clit. A few more licks and a particular curl of his digits, Seokjin makes you cum for the first time again in three years, so hard that you’re body’s trembling even after he sets your legs down 

You’re breathing heavily, resting your forehead on Seokjin’s temple. “Mind taking a shower with me? It’s important to bathe after running the rain” Seokjin looks up at you, eyes pleading.

“I would, if I’m still able to walk.”

“Who said you were going to walk?” Seokjin maneuvers you on top of the counter, placing his hands under your knees and on your back, carrying you bridal style towards the bath. As soon as he settles you down onto the tub, he turns the faucet on and leaves you there for a moment, telling you that he was just going to grab something from his luggage.

You rest your head against the edge of the tub as you wait for Seokjin. You slowly feel exhaustion taking over you, but when you hear Seokjin’s muted footsteps against the carpeted floor, your eyes pry open only to see Seokjin in his boxers, holding a bath bomb in his palm. You gulp. This was going to be one hell of a night.

Just like before, Seokjin has you cumming thrice in the bath, once when he took you from underneath, making sure that the water fell perfectly on your clit for added stimulation as he slid his length in and out of you. He’d made you cum when you rode him as well, water sloshing everywhere at your naughty shenanigans in the bath. Even after two orgasms, Seokjin just won’t quit, having bent you over as you faced the wall, pounding you from behind.

Seokjin, with his libido seemingly running 24/7 tells you he wasn’t done with you just yet, saying he’s still got three years worth more of fucking to give you. He wanted to give you the most unforgettable sex of your life, and boy, was he adamant about it.

Seemingly not having had enough of you yet after helping you scrub almost the whole expanse of your skin, he finds himself getting hard again at the sight of you in just his shirt and nothing else.  You meant to sleep by that time, but as soon as Seokjin spooned you, you’d felt his clothed erection already grinding against your ass. You no longer kept count of how many times he made you cum.

The sunlight peeks through a tiny slit through the curtains, the heat perfectly hitting your face, causing you to wake up. Your body is sore all over, and as you roll to the other side while stretching out your limbs, you spot next to you empty.

Of course. You’re a fucking dumbass.

Hastily grabbing your clothes strewn across the floor, you head out of his room, tears already brimming in your eyes. Your vision is getting blurry by the second, and you angrily swipe at your cheeks as you feel a singular tear roll down. As you curse Seokjin under your breath, you bump into none other than the devil himself. “Oh! You’re awake?”

You don’t answer, stepping aside so you could go back to your room and rethink your life decisions.

“Where are you going, _______?”

“Out of your room, and hopefully out of your life as well.”

“Wait - ______! What are you talking about?” Seokjin extends his hand to grab your arm.

“Don’t fucking touch me, Seokjin.” The venom laced with your words makes him reel, retracting the arm he had held out to reach you. “I really never meant anything to you, hm? Fuck, I have probably reached desperation to return back into your arms that easily.”

“Desperation? That’s all it was last night? And the one three years ago?”

“I should be the one asking you that question!”

“What?”

“What do you mean ‘what’? Are you really that fucking dense, Seokjin? You were the one who left me alone in the room that morning, and now you’ve done it again. Congratulations on having a new notch on your belt. And I’m a fucking fool for even thinking you felt otherwise!”

“You think I left you that morning?”

“I’m not done yet—what did you say?”

“You were the one who left that morning!”

“I did not! When I woke up, you weren’t there, nor were you anywhere inside your entire apartment! Do you know how embarrassing that was!” You pause, lips trembling, “F-For someone who actually meant something to you only seeing you as just some one-night stand?! Someone who you could use to get your dick wet?!”

“You like m-“

“You’re missing the entire point here, Kim Seokjin!”

“What’s happening here?” A raspy voice asks, the familiar mop of curly hair coming into view. Rafa?

“Oh my god! You like me, fuck! I could just kiss you right now!” Seokjin doesn’t even hesistate, already leaning towards your face and connecting your lips. You almost melt into his arms at the sensation, but you pull away just as instantly, tears freely rolling down. “Am I really just a joke to you, Jin? Have you ever even taken into consideration my feelings, even once?”

“______, darling. This is all a misunderstanding. Well, I did leave that morning, but I just went out to Rafa next door to shower. I—you looked so peaceful as you slept that I really didn’t want to bother waking you up to tell you that I can’t shower with cold water and it’s like déjà vu all of a sudden and…wait!” Seokjin drags poor Rafael who’s still looks like he’s half-asleep. “Rafa can verify the truth!”

Rafael sighs, once again caught in the middle of something he no longer wants to be a part of. “It’s true, ______. This guy’s pretty much in love with you. It’s just an unfortunate fact that this same guy has plenty of annoying habits that gets him in trouble most times. Just like not being able handle water that is below 26 degrees Celsius.”

You’re looking back and forth Seokjin and Rafa, trying to study their features if they’re being questionable or not. Finding no trace of mirth in their eyes, you turn to Seokjin. “You really didn’t leave me that morning and… today?”

“No. I could never. I’m a fucking dumbass for not thinking about what you could’ve felt that time and today…or telling you that I was just heading out to Rafa’s to shower because for some reason my heater isn’t always functioning…” 

“Glad to know you’ve finally acknowledged that you’re a bloody idiot.” Rafa speaks up, narrowing his eyes at Seokjin, taking a sip from his mug. Since when was that in his hands? Rafa sees you stare at his mug, and answers your silent question, “Was planning to drink this while it was hot earlier but I don’t see anything wrong with drinking cold coffee while watching a live action soap opera.”

“Funny how a night of fucking like wild rabbits can do so much to people,” Rafa adds, scoffing as he retreats back to his room. You lean your head towards Seokjin’s chest, embarrassed out of your wits. Seokjin puts an arm around your shoulder pulling you closer to him. “Don’t mind Rafa. He’s just jealous.”

“I can perfectly hear you, Kim Seokjin!”

© hhyungz 2020. All rights reserved.

[theplaguebeast]

A Long Ramble On My Experience Reading Nothing But Fanfic For Over A Year

So, my entire Adult Journey Through Fandom (as opposed to my Teen Journey Through Fandom, which started around 13 and petered off when I was 19) began because summer 2019, after I moved back in with my grandparents and left the state I’d spent the last ten years in behind (along with almost all my possessions excepting my cats, my wolf pelt, some clothes, and some misc stuff including the entire Lord of The Rings series in paperback) I went to Archive of Our Own (AO3) on my shitty phone that didn’t actually function as a phone because that costs money, and went to the Fallout 4 section (because I have played that game to DEATH AND BACK, modded it to death and back too) and started reading. Because it was literally the first fandom I could think of.

And then, one day, as I was reading Piper/f!SS I thought ‘What’s another Media I Have Consumed’ and for whatever reason, Legend of Korra came to mind which is wild because I watched it when it came out and then NEVER touched it again. I did wind up rewatching it after reading probably around 100 Korrasami fics, but I watched it BECAUSE of the fics.

Then, and I think I hopped onto this because a bunch of writers who wrote Korrasami also wrote them, I fell into Clexa. And I’d watched.... like five seasons of The 100? IDK, whatever it was that season-dumped on Netflix in like 2017. And WHOO BOI did I stick around there for a LONG TIME. We’re talking 90 pages of my AO3 history (20 fics per page yo) of JUST CLEXA.

Thru a similar mechanism I started reading Supercorp, and here is where I come back into my ‘I don’t even GO HERE’ tendency, because you see I still have not seen a single episode of Supergirl but you bet your ass I have read literally about a hundred fics for it.

Then, again, via authors-who-I-liked-writing-for-other-fandoms-than-how-I-found-them I read a hefty pile of SwanQueen (which, RIP y’all OUAT fucked y’all huh?) and that’s a show that I had really honestly TRIED to watch but guys... The only thing going for it really is that it’s the better Live Action Beauty And The Beast and that’s sad on a number of levels.

Then Pitch Perfect caught me up and I HAVE seen the first movie (and jesus if that het romance wasn’t shoehorned in) but also ONLY the first movie but that didn’t stop my consumption of those fics.

At some point I strafed thru the Glee fandom and rediscovered Faberry which I don’t recall ever actively shipping Back In The Day but you BET YOUR ASS I thought they were both SUPER GAY when the first couple seasons were airing, which is also the last time I watch it at ALL.

And from there, AGAIN this has ALL happened because I kept checking out other stuff written by authors I like, I started reading Sansa-shipping Game of Thrones fics. Now here is a Very Important Thing to Know: I started with Sansa/Margaery, and you might have seen earlier my discovery that I fell into reading other Sansa ships via Sansa/Ellaria/Oberyn.

Before that point, even as a teenager, I shipped ZERO heterosexual couples. NONE. NADA.

Also, I had not watched Game of Thrones past season 4. (Some of you may be aware I watched and liveblogged watching the whole series recently. Do not do this thing.) I still spent seven months reading almost exclusively GoT fanfic. I’ve bought the books. I’m in MULTIPLE discord servers for GoT fan shiz. 

And I also fell into checking Other Works By This Author I Like, except now, because I will read a fic featuring Sansa with literally anyone because it’s interesting to me, I started also reading het ships.

And so I wound up reading A Bunch of Zutara, and I had seen Airbender back when it aired and also... at some other point. But I did not rewatch it when it came out on netflix because holy shit Korra retroactively makes me so mad about both series now that I really think about Katara okay guys? Because I’m not okay. I’m mad. Whatever.

Somehow I wound up BACK in the Once Upon A Time fandom, by the way, but this time with Rumbelle (remember when I mentioned Beauty and the Beast earlier? HI) and man it’s interesting to see two sides of a fandom like that lemme tell ya.

And now, to the present, where I’m reading Bethyl fics for The Walking Dead, which I saw like three seasons of and mostly remember as ‘that show with the zombies where I got mad that no one could ever actually catch a fucking break for more than five minutes’ which is, for the record, WHY I stopped watching. And the extra funny thing is that I didn’t really author-hop for that one I just went ‘hey i know vague things about this IP let’s read stuff’ and Bethyl was just... the first ship I clicked on? And now I’m fucking Team Delusional and I DON’T EVEN GO HERE.

I need to REALLY DEEPLY HIGHLIGHT the fact that out of EVERY fandom I have listed, BEFORE I got into them I only finished/kept up with TWO of the shows and the one video game, ONE fandom has made me make myself watch the series it’s based on (and I’ll read the books as soon as they get here I’m not paying for fast shipping y’all), and EVERY OTHER ONE I know of from watching like three seasons on average. 

(This is not including the fandoms where I checked out like five fics, went ‘I’m bored now’ and left. There’s like five of those I think???)

So what I’m saying is that I get a basic understanding of a piece of media and then throw it away and go check out the fan shit because it’s more entertaining to see what everyone’s doing with the toys the media provides. Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice And Fire is a fucking anomaly on every single front, literally every other fandom I have, there is The Ship That Happens (well, OUAT gets two, but they’re not mutually exclusive so WHATEVER) and then pretty much every other ship ranges from ‘whatever’ to ‘fuck off’.

But fucking Sansa Stark, man. 

Anyways I’ve got 350+ pages (that’s over 7,000 fics yo) of AO3 history since June 19 2019 because quarantine changed zero percent of my lifestyle. If I can do math (debatable) that’s 15 fics a day every day, on average for nine-ish fandoms but the vast majority is GoT/ASoIAF.

Tune in fking WHENEVER when I finish the project my brain has decided will happen (THANKS HYPERFIXATIONS) where I’ve got the full data for all of this bullshit so I know how many words of whatever fucking ship I’ve read.

[buddaheadcannonsonice]

Rika's back and MC gets left P. 4

Rika is back and MC gets sick at the same time she feels abandoned. Part 1 (x) | Part 2 (x) | Part 3 (x) | Part 4 (x) | Part 5 (x)

Rika felt a sense of satisfaction

She got off being the one everyone considered the most

sure, she lead MC to the RFA

sure she made a lot of trouble for MC and the rest of the members

But the one thing she did not want anyone to forget or even ever know really was

it also meant she could take her out of rfa with ease

And they wouldn't ever know it was her or care if all went to her plan

-- Yoosung --

From the last time MC invited Yoosung over, he remembered where she now lived

Why didn't I visit her sooner?

Yoosung made his way to her building, knocking repeatedly and waiting for a response

Where is she? It's almost midnight…

He almost gave up when she didnt answer either calls, text, or the door

Rika! Yoosung was surprised to see his cousin walk by

“Yoosung, what are you doing here so late?”

I came to see if MC is okay, shes been MIA for a while

“She’s fine! I talked to her not too long ago and she said that she was going to visit her family for a few weeks. I forgot to tell you guys about it too… sorry.”

It��s fine, don’t worry about it! Though, it would have been better if she told us herself…

“I dont know the details, but something about one of her family members being recently diagnosed with a terminal illness.. Yeah, it was terrible. She said they started to cough blood and she went to go help them through the process. Poor MC.”

You’re genuinely concerned for MC, you’re so nice Rika.

“Ofc, shes a memeber of the rfa too!”

Sorry, its just i know you dont know her that much, but im glad you guys get along well. Do you know when she’ll be back?

“I think after the funeral. Though it may be longer since i dont know how shell be okay after all of that. Next time we talk, ill ask her, okay? How about we go visit V? Im sure hes awake and wouldnt mind if you came over for a sleep over”

Yoosung felt like a huge boulder had been lifted from his shoulders now that he knew MC was physically okay

He felt bad that she didnt tell anyone that she was leaving to tend to a sick family member

But he felt that he would forgive her since she seemed more of a private person

I should get her a gift basket when she comes back; poor MC will be greiving when she returns- I could add chocolates and that coffee she likes with an uber soft blanket. Yeah, i wil do that for sure when RIka tells me when she comes back

Yoosung wanted to be a shoulder for MC when she came back since she was there for him when Rika was gone

he wanted to prove to her and himself and RIka that he was more than just a college student who played a lot of video games; that he was also a capable man

-- Zen --

Zen has entered the chatroom.

Zen: MC! Please call me when you get this!

Rika: Zen, I forgot to tell everyone that MC went back to her home country to take care of a sick family member. I didnt want to say anything right away but she told me just recently that it may be a while before she returns because of how bad things are …

Jahee has entered the chatroom.

Jahee: Oh no that’s terrible. Is her family member in that bad of condition for MC to leave without saying bye?

Rika: I am afraid so. From what I know, they are really ill that it is now deemed terminal.

Zen: Oh man, i really thought something happened to MC

Rika: What do you mean?

Zen: I dont know, I thought maybe she got bored of us and left us or something happened to her health wise. I hope she knows that we are all here for her when she comes back

Rika: Dont jinx anything! I’ll let her know though that you were worried whenever we talk again ^^

Jahee: Please do. Id feel much better though if I could talk to her soon. Do you think you can let her know to call me please?

Rika: I will pass the message along!

Zen: me too please, I really miss her :c

Rika: I will, you guys worry too much ^^ dont worry guys, everything will be perfectly fine ^^

Zen: alighty then, i gotta go and meet some directors to talk about my wonderful gorgeous face making its appearance on stage soon, bye~

Jahee: Oh my heart!

Rika: Good luck!

Zen has left the chatroom.

He didnt trust Rika

He didnt even trust Jahee at the moment

He knows he saw MC at the store that night

And it seems highly unlikely that she would just leave without explaining the situation

Especially if someone she cared about was really sick

Would she?

-- Jahee --

From what Mr. Han had been accumulating she knew what was going on somewhat

Though if the rest of rfa should know she didnt feel like she had a place to tell them

She did abandon MC just like the rest did

She wont deny that what the rfa did to MC was abandon her at a time she would have needed them 

despite all MC probably gave up to help them 

But she didnt want anyone to be in the unknown

Although, she didn't know if Rika was lying or telling the truth maybe rika did know mc was sick and didnt want to tell because MC said so

Jahee didnt want to risk anything by letting the cat out of the bag cringing

For now all she felt like she could do was gather as much as she could about people with pneumonia 

She would look into it since that was all Mr. Han told her

Maybe find some coffee as well for MC and maybe chocolates as she thinks about pleading for forgiveness 

-- Jumin --

He had no right to act like he should care for MC anymore

The moment they all left her, everyone in the rfa lost all the rights to care for MC

The only thing he could do was offer her the best treatment possible when he found out what she had it made him very uncomfortable to not know what she was suffering from

aside from the stabbing pains of being betrayed that he couldn't fix for her

but that was only if Seven could find a way into breaking MC out of there

But he knew the longer they waited the worse she would get

When he saw MC through the camera on Sevens screen, he knew he never wanted to know what it felt to lose someone again

After he though rika died, he felt like his world tipped over

But if he loses MC, he knows he wont ever have a reason to go on living with himself

He did find comfort knowing that MC never seemed to have had lost her personality and all that made her so easy to be around

By the looks of it, it was all thanks to Paco who never seemed to leave her side

Are you almost done?

“I want her out of there as soon as possible as well, okay?”

Jumin was taken back with how Seven snapped

“Dont let it get to you, he always gets like this”  the famous ‘Vanderwood’ who leaned on the side of the wall said

I dont want to know

He decided he didnt want to get into what Seven did on his own time also bc ‘Miss’ Vanderwood was slightly scaring him

“Just get the IP address so we can get there and go”

“I cant just do that! Well, I can but there seems to be more stuff this guy is feeding me atm and its all about MC”

“Look at it when you get her out of there! Poor girl must be seconds away from kicking the stupid bucket”

Excuse me?

“DOnt take it to heart, he gets angry when he has to wait before a job”

“Shut the fuck up, I still have my taser, you oaf”

What do you mean hes feeding you?

“I mean, this Unknown guy wants her found but for some odd reason he cant let her go… idk myself, but it looks like hes just doing his job”

“What makes you say that?”

“RIght here it says: Job. No. Yes.- Unknown”

Isnt that a good thing then? That means we can get MC out faster

JUmin didnt care for all the extra side stuff

He wanted to just get to the point and storm in there to save MC and take her to the doctors he had on standby

Just hurry up!

“I would want to bu- OH shit”

Jumins heart stopped for a millisecond thinking that MC died

When he didnt see anything abnormal on the screen that showed MC he was confused

But looking at what Seven saw

He understood

Is that Rika?

-- 707 --

Watching RIka give MC injections of unknown substances made him physically want to scream

Why would she do that?

What was she even giving MC?

Where is Unknown?

“Damn, white loaf can really go on strong” he ignored Vanderwoods snide comment focusing on V holding MC down so Rika could give her another injection

“Let’s go now Seven, no more playing around!”

Okay okay, let me just get this on my laptop so we can watch as we go

“If we take my helicopter we could be there quicker”

Yeah lets do that

Seven was in a daze

As he looked into the breadcrumbs Unknown was giving him

He began to wonder why Unknown even took MC away if he was going to help them in the end

Unless he too was forced into do this all

But why would Rika do this? What could she gain from this?

“Please dont”

Seven turned to look at Jumin who looked at him when they heard MC’s voice

“Ready or not here it comes~” Rika sang

“You both may want to look away” Seven heard Vanderwood say before turning away

Not once had he ever looked away from the screen while on the job

--

You begged her to stop

Whatever it was, it wasn't the same anymore

You began to remember names and faces but you couldn't match them together

Please stop this, it hurts!

“Sweetie, you're dying anyways, this is me being merciful and helping you go faster. Be thankful.”

What about that other stuff? What was that other stuff?

“It will all be over quickly if you just listen to her, please MC”

You turn to look at the stranger with the sunglasses: who’s MC?

Am I MC? Are they talking to me ?

You think you know them but you can't match any faces or names at all

“I'd ask if you have any last words you want me to give to someone but at this point, you probably don't know if you have any friends or family “

You shake your head trying to think

Somewhere someone has to know who you are

Why can't I talk?

You panic; thrashing your body away from the woman and man

“Stop it!” You hear it before you feel a stinging sensation on your cheek

“Like I said,you're already dying “ the woman says as she huffs for air

The look on her face scares you

It looks like she's enjoying whatever is happening

“You should never talk to strangers “ you feel the weight of something hard crash on you holding your face down on the now cold floor

“Don't ever go to places you don't know”

The pressure intensifies making your head build more pressure like it will explode

“Rika, that's too much” you hear the man from earlier

Help me please! you silently beg 

You wonder why he doesn't help you

“Stay out of this V”

You feel something stab your shoulder

Then you don't feel anything at all

-- Vanderwood --

Seven was annoying

Richie rich was annoying

They all were pissing him off

The rush to get to where this girl was chaotic

He was used to the silence that Seven would accompany him with

But not like this

This silence was deafening and suffocating

-- V --

He didnt want to harm MC

she was one of the good ones 

but he didnt want to make Rika any worse than she already was

He knew 707 or Jumin must have caught on by now 

with the help he got from Unknown, he knew they would make it but not soon enough

He made sure that whatever happened; it would all be on him 

Even if MC may never wake up again

even if Rika would spend a lot of time in the hospital 

even if Jumin and everyone in the RFA should come to hate him

even if he should become the villain; 

he would do whatever it takes to preserve Rika’s legacy and love and pride

He just needed for MC to hold onto life 

She was already sick 

and the medication he had replaced with the medication Rika wanted Unknown to give her seemed to have been working 

He made sure Unknown gave her the treatment she needed

But he didnt anticipate for Rika to inject her with a strong dose of whatever she had made for MC

By the looks of it 

it definitely was not the same that he had Unknown give her

-- Unknown -- 

Any minute now, it would all be over 

one way or another, MC would no longer suffer

He knew that by lying to Rika he was compromising his safety as well as Saeyoung’s

But he couldnt kill MC slowly

not with what RIka had made for her 

No. 

Instead, he made sure he gave her the medication she needed 

he made sure that Saeyoung would find the bread crumbs he left 

He expected Rika to pull something big for the finally so he made MC an antidote to what Rika had 

he didnt give it to her yet but he would have to leave it for Saeyoung to find if Paco didnt find a way of getting the vile out of his jacket before they got to MC

All he needed now was to find a way to make amends 

To MC and to everyone else 

but he would do that after he found a way to forgive himself and Saeyoung 

because if he didnt make him hate him; none of this would have happened 

and MC would have had treatment for this and have never been involved 

When would Saeyoung see how toxic both were to everyone else?

Especially to someone good and simplistic and perfectly normal like MC. 

Did Saeyoung even know?

Did his brother know how toxic both brothers were to everyone?

Like how toxic they were to one another.

[nointrustions]

Season 2, Episode 2- “Heart Me”

hey, it’s me! here i am, back at it again. (i’m gonna aim for once a month with these, because, like, emotionally i am not down with spending 4 hours a week doing nothing but analyzing csi cyber. i have shit to do. like not watch csi cyber.)

if you’ve lost the plot a bit, i’ve got a list of all my recaps here. some quick stats for people who don’t want to read all that shit

times the writers didn’t actually know how computers or other electronic devices work- 65

times someone should have been fired or arrested for bad policing or hacking- 45

times brody should have been sent back to jail- 7

van der geek death toll- 4

times the writers forgot how time works- 22

times the writers forgot how the police works (for example, that there are other police and fbi divisions, including people who are qualified to do CSI shit)- 28

times i wanted to steal krummy’s lunch money- 53

times they used the holodeck that they invested millions of taxpayer dollars in- 4

times they use l33t sp34k to convey that someone is a hacker- 7

times vdg is a bad parent or partner- 13

times avery does bad psychology- 33

characters named ricky skaggs- only 1, unfortunately

times IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU- ALL OF THEM GET OFF THE COMPUTER

Triggers for this episode- alcohol, stalking, blood, drugging, kidnapping, basic entitled dude bullshit

we open at a hot, hot nightclub that's apparently an old castle or some shit. It's full of attractive young people drinking and dancing and using apps, so you know shit's going to go down. Raven is there with a friend, Tracy, and she asks tracy how she found this place. Tracy used an app to find it, so she's going to be the victim in this episode. She tells raven what she's been missing working every friday night- namely, “major male hotness.” man, i've really missed the csi cyber writers interpreting things that an actual human being might say. While they chat about the male hotness, some guy hearts them both on heartmate, an app which is not at all like tinder. They make fun of him for being a loser, a skill that raven needs to leverage more often in her professional life.

just as they team-reject this guy, some guy walks up behind tracy and hits on her. He asks if he can buy her a drink, and she turns him down, and he's like “hey that's cool I go to alcoholics anonymous” and she's like “samesies” and it's kinda weird and uncomfortable. He tries to pick her up, but she tells him she has a boyfriend, so he fucks off out of there, giving us a nice view of the fact that, in this incredibly packed busy nightclub, there's a solid 10 feet of space between the bar and any people. Tracy laughs and reveals that she lied about having a boyfriend to him. “But this guy,” she narrates as a guy hearts her on heartmate, “unf, hell to all the yeses.” these writers! They're so good at talking to people! The guy who hearted her walks over and starts nuzzling her, and rejected club guy watches from afar, glaring.

Afterwards, raven and tracy leave the club and hop in a cab. Rejected club guy opens up heartmate and clicks onto raven's profile. He somehow uses the distance feature to track her down, despite them being in a cab and him being on foot. When he gets there, he calls the police to say that he's worried, because his neighbour might be in danger and the guy's still in there. Oh, you sneaky boy!

a swat team breaks into raven's apartment, where tracy is sleeping on the couch and raven is apparently full naked in the bedroom. Wait, how did he know what apartment she was in? There is no way that heartmate is that precise in distance tracking, and even if he saw them through the window or something, I think “my neighbour is in trouble, I heard gunshots? Oh, where she lives? Uh, let me find a street number…. Yeah I don't know her apartment number, but I know the window faces the street and I think it's the third floor….” would not raise some questions.

one week later, raven is chatting with brody about the SWAT team. Brody, I know it's casual friday, and apparently permanent casual friday for you now, but I think you still have to wear your id. He asks if she knows who called the team, and she teases him because apparently when the swat team was called, he snuck out via the fire escape! Wait, what? Did she go home with tracy then call brody over to bang? Or was he waiting there all night in her apartment all alone? We know they're not roommates because apparently the knowledge that they were in the same apartment would be trouble, even though they're talking loudly about how they're totes magotes banging in their workplace, but whatever.

meanwhile, avery is looking at a tablet in her office, and db walks in with a baby binky in his mouth. Oh, so this is going to be one of the weird fetish episodes. Db says that he didn't get them so mommy avery could give bad baby db a spanking, but actually because they're bluetooth enabled and can detect the baby's temperature, location, and what medications the baby had. I don't know why he bought seven of them, but, like, whatever, you do you, dude. He asks how avery's doing, but before she can answer, van der geek wanders by to tell them that they have an update on the “infamous” (a word which here means that we've never heard his name) garth rizzo. You know, normally i'd say this guy might be a friend of ricky skaggs, but idk, he seems like a rat to me.

garth rizzo is otherwise known as “the most hated man on the internet.” he runs a revenge porn site called shamedexxx.com, which kindly places big black censor bars over the women's tiddies. Wait, even with the censor bars, is it still fine to just bring up porn on the big screen in the cybercave? Why did they have to give his website the hit? Anyway, vdg makes a point of how he really, really wants to arrest this guy, but he hasn't actually done anything illegal yet so they have to prove he's been hacking people. You know, guys, far be it from me to criticize vdg, but, like, this is the first time ever in his life that he's ever given a shit about due process. It's a bit weird that the first time he doesn't just show up and tackle a guy to the ground is the porn guy for jilted exes. I'm just saying, mister “i know what it feels like to want to murder your ex-wife!”

they explain what revenge porn is, and then raven glances at her phone so avery tells her to leave while they go through all the victims, track them down, and contact them to get their devices and see if they've been hacked. This guy hasn't even committed a crime yet! Are there seriously no proven hackers left?

raven goes to get a latte with tracy. She's been having hella computer-based problems. Her utilities were shut off, then her mail was put on hold via an online form (oh, no, not the mail! Like, seriously, it's been a week since they met club guy [also spoiler, it was probably club guy what did it] and it's 2015, it's not like anything important comes in the mail) and then she got fired from her job for sending an e-mail to her coworker about how she was going to tell his wife about the affair they were having. It's notable that he did not get fired for that same affair. Finally, two days ago, she got kicked out of her apartment, because she apparently e-mailed the landlord and requested to end the lease. I am not an expert on DC rental law, but I think 5 days isn't enough notice for your landlord to completely shut you out of the apartment. Did he get a new tenant, despite not showing the apartment to anyone because otherwise she would notice? If not, why would she not just sign a new lease under the same terms?

Then she went to the cops, and the cops told her that they couldn't do anything because she didn't know who hacked her. That's, like, the best cop-work i've seen ever? “sorry I know there has been a crime but I can't help you because you have not already solved it on your own, and we can't kick it to the cyber division because they're too busy tracking down every woman in revenge porn on the internet to see if they've been hacked.” raven offers to check out her computer and shit to see who hacked her, and just then her phone gives her a notification to let her know that her bank account has been emptied. Because that's a thing that happens, I guess.

meanwhile, back at the cybercave, vdg is telling someone on the phone that they're being unreasonable. He then gets back to work immediately, but avery stops him with an “elijah, there comes a point where whatever's going on in your personal life starts to reflect on your work.” yeah, and that point was halfway through the last season when he started emotionally abusing coworkers, destroying physical evidence, and committing some pretty serious police brutality because he was mad that his wife wanted to get her dream job and take the daughter that she was more or less raising on her own with her, but you were pretty much down with that noise.

It turns out that he was on the phone with his father, who had been refusing cancer treatment. This is a pretty personal and nuanced issue, which vdg boils down to “it's not fair to MEEEEE that he's chosen to go gently into that good night.” how dare he, when he could be taking care of my daughter for me!

time for a sick cyber-montage, in which raven hacks into tracy's bank accounts! We see that, instead of just transferring the money out, the hacker purchased several expensive things that just happened to add up to the exact amount left in her bank accounts. That takes skill. I would have expected the bank to call her about it, because usually banks do that when you spend several thousand dollars in three minutes, buying multiple TVs in one transaction, that sort of thing. She could also call the bank and explain that she was hacked- oh wait shit never mind I forgot that would make sense. Or maybe that cop from earlier also runs the bank. Who knows.

Anyway, she finds an odd ip address. The hacker is a guy named kyle bristow, which raven tells avery. Avery goes “listen, one case of bank fraud doesn't require the whole cyber division.” no, avery, it just needed raven, and she solved it. The rest of the cyber-division can keep working on trying to find what this one guy who is, I cannot emphasize enough, innocent of everything except being a scumbag, might have done wrong. Avery agrees to send van der geek out, as long as raven stays to work on garth rizzo.

vdg's gun is out! He sees a blood trail leading from kyle bristow's front door, which is oddly even and symmetrical, but stops abruptly at the end of the walkway. He runs in, gun out, and sees that someone's murdered kyle before he got the chance. Rough day for vdg.

Kyle was murdered by being beaten to death with an ugly bookend he had on the mantelpiece. Vdg wants to give this case to the actual police, but avery says that raven proved he was the hacker (because it's not like the hacker could be his wife, because girls don't know computers) so there's a cyber element to this case so it belongs to the csis cyber. Kyle apparently had two phones, one of which was a burner phone with heartmate on it. Far be it from me to judge a cheater, but if you're going to cheat on your wife, why not use your real phone and hide the app somewhere? It's way less suspicious than just having a whole other cell phone. The heartmate phone has some very angry messages from tracy, with the positively incriminating messages of “DUDE. UMMMMMMM – you're MARRIED????? WHAT. THE. HELL.” and “You lying, cheating bastard. Is this some sort of sick game????? You're gonna pay for this. I could seriously kill you.” so they conclude that tracy is the murderer. Then we see tracy with blood all over her hands flashing back to the crime scene.

Intro at 11:26, although really we could stop here.

the definition of the week is cyberstalking. It's like stalking, but cyber! Thanks, csi, we needed that one spelled out for us.

raven and krummy are calling people up about the revenge porn. Krummy's entire interaction goes “I'm pretty sure this is your photo. Yeah. There's a naked photo of you online. No, this is not a prank. I'm an agent with the FBI. Hello? Ehhhhh well.” you got your typical-krummy-asshole-behaviour in my trying-to-deal-with-society's-objectification-of-women! Do they not have some sort of civilian-facing staff who could be doing this, instead of getting the best hackers in the world to waste time doing a job they're not qualified to do?

Raven is stressed because tracy, and krummy goes over to help, but raven takes the first opportunity to talk to literally anyone else. Unfortunately, that means van der geek, who tells her that tracy probably did a murder because she used to be an alcoholic. JUSTICE

for those who are interested in a sweet krummy cosplay, you can get his shirt here.

tracy leaves her motel room. How did she get a motel room? She has no money. Club guy is waiting outside, and follows her in his car after she turns her phone off. Once she's out of the area, he calls the police again to say that he found a murderer!

meanwhile, brody is explaining online dating to DB. Brody refers to the burner phone as kyle's sidepiece phone, and DB clarifies “side piece phone? You're saying that tracy was brody's mistress?” for any square old white dudes who may be watching. Kyle and tracy had been talking for a month, and she had been asking to meet for weeks. They then go over the messages we've already seen, because the episode needed padding. It turns out that kyle had also told tracy he was starting to fall in love with her, and DB goes “without ever meeting?” and brody goes “welcome to the world of online dating.” I mean, like, as someone who has dated online, it's a lot more likely to get unsolicited dick pics than love confessions, but hey, whatever, i've never been on heartmate. Nelson explains how tinder works, and then uses a girl as an example of how the app documents how often you cross paths, without noticing that the app also says she is literally 10 feet away from him. Db tells him to heart her, because apparently it's cool if the whole cybercave is a hotbed of fucking. Db is not into online dating, and tells brody that he's more into waiting for serendipity to strike. Brody asks if serendipity is an app. Get it? Because he's young! And they only know the apps and how to disappoint their elders!

raven is getting interviewed by the detective on tracy's case about how they found the murder weapon in tracy's hotel room, and she gets mad and says tracy was framed. She also lies about brody being in her apartment. Apparently they found tracy's fingerprints all over the crime scene. Raven leaves, and The detective then gets mad at avery and says that she needs to pass the case onto the police, because there's a clear conflict of interest on the cybersquad. We're supposed to think he's the bad guy for this. Avery says that it's clearly a cybercase, because it involves a computer, and that regular cops can't solve it. You know, it might help if there was another cybersquad, because apparently being on the cybersquad means that you will need to help solve cases that are directly related to your coworkers. Then again, I guess another holodeck that they never use would be a big investment.

The csis cyber legal guy tells avery that she needs to get on garth rizzo so he can close the case file, because if garth rizzo gets arrested for non-revenge-porn reasons, that means he can start lobbying for stronger revenge porn laws. That's… that's not how things work. You can still push for somcething to be illegal, even if the guy who does it hasn't done any other crimes. No wonder the legal guy is so chill about everything that happens in the cybercave, he doesn't actually know how laws work.

meanwhile, in the cybercave, we see that the only time that kyle's real phone and his burner phone were in the same place was at his house during the murder. They figure it out by tracking the data points on the heartmate app on both phones, despite the fact that kyle supposedly didn't have heartmate on his real phone.  That, and the fact that he types in lowercase on heartmate and using proper grammar with his wife, mean that the phones were used by two different people. They have to prove it with science, though. DB yells “Microbials” and runs the fuck out of that joint.

meanwhile, raven is telling a woman that her photo has been used as revenge porn. “i took that photo years ago,” the woman says, as a photo comes up in which she looks exactly the same, down to having the same makeup and hairstyle. It looks like she took the photo hours ago. Anyway, revenge porn is still bad and raven promises to hack the devices.

db is using everyone's unique face-germs to prove that the burner phone hadn't been used by kyle. “microbials are a new identifier, as unique as fingerprints.” Wait, why can't they just use fingerprints? That's still a thing that exists. Anyway, the germs are different, so the burner phone wasn't kyle. Glad we finally solved that mystery that the viewers have known the answer to since the beginning of the episode. Avery concludes that all the data from the sidepiece phone was all “cyberstaged.” we have a word for that, avery. It's “staged.”

club guy, meanwhile, is calling tracy's mom, pretending to be a detective. He asks where tracy is, and her mom tells him that she sent her a money transfer. What a garth rizzo.

at the cybercave, they're narrowing down who the catfisher was. They refuse to use the word “catfish” for some reason. They use the data from heartmate instead of the regular cell phone location data for some reason. He was following tracy around a bunch, so they triangulate the heartmate connections that aren't with tracy. Avery looks at his fake profile to psychoanalyze him because she hasn't done that in a while. “he chose kyle's photo. A handsome man, because our target has low self-esteem about his own appearance.” or because you don't catfish with ugly people, you dingbat. Some rando drops by a tablet that says kyle didn't do the hack, but that the hack came from a computer at a frame shop. Looks like tracy was FRAMED YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH. nobody makes that joke and it’s upsetting.

at the frame shop, they confirm that the hack was made from the employee computer and that he used a photo of kyle that he had brought in to have framed. They could have compared the schedule that they got from the heartmate matches with the employee schedule and catch their guy, but this episode still has a solid 20 minutes or so.

Wait, why would you catfish with someone who lives in the same town? That's asking for your mark to go up to the person in real life if they see them around and try to start up a conversation. they do realize that, like, there is a whole internet with pictures of pretty people on it, right? Here's my human lie detector analysis- this guy is bad at his crimes.

raven is stressed about rizzo and tracy, and has some emotions like “what if i'm wrong about tracy?” this loses some impact because we know objectively nobody in the cybersquad is ever wrong.

Tracy drops by the convenience store to get the money her mother sent her, but the transfer was cancelled- sorry, cybercancelled. She only has ten dollars in her wallet, and asks how much a sim card is. What a coincidence, it's exactly ten dollars! When she goes out to put the new sim card in her phone, however, club guy puts on a baseball cap and goes to talk to her. Oh, no, he slashed her tires and she has no access to money and he's offering her a ride!

She gets in his car, and he starts getting weird about meeting at the club, so she turns on the phone with the new sim card.

Cut to Brody and Raven, who are hanging around the cybercave. A computer beeps nearby, because they've been tracking tracy's heartmate profile. As raven helpfully explains, heartmate will keep tracking you even if you get a new sim card! Wait, why would she spend her last ten dollars on a new sim card, then? That's not even something that really plays into the narrative. Anyway, Brody goes to call VDG, and raven gives him this look which I guess is supposed to be concern but comes off more as “wait, vdg? Do you want her to fucking die?”

club guy, meanwhile, is getting all weird. “so, how's your boyfriend? Must be nice to have a boyfriend? Someone you can trust? Because he isn't a LYING LYING SLUTFACE? Have you ever heard of the red pill?” luckily, the cops track her down and bring her in and she looks completely freaked despite the fact that, you know, she's at least 10% safer in prison. 20% if VDG isn't allowed in.

tracy gets interrogated by avery. She says she didn't kill kyle, but she doesn't remember anything because she blacked out and she keeps seeing images of his body on the ground and lots of blood, so, like, not the most watertight of cases. Avery tells her she was catfished, without ever using the words “catfished” because we can only use one new term this week and we needed cyberstalking spelled out to us. She pulls up a picture of all the guys who work at the frame show, and tracy points club guy out for us. Turns out his name is holden. She doesn't mention him going all serial killer on her, which I think is a relevant detail in a murder case. Turns out holden was catfishing for weeks to find out that tracy likes amy schumer, tupac, and watching tv in her Pjs. Tracy is completely shocked that a guy on the internet who she has never met and who didn't send any more pictures besides his propic is not who he says he is, because she grew up in an amish community or something, I guess.

avery tells the legal guy that tracy clearly didn't do it. It's clear that she was drugged and holden got a hotel room, took her unconscious body there without anyone noticing, and planted all the evidence! Wait, how did he get the hotel room? Most hotels won't let you use someone else's credit card to check in, and she was out of it. If she even had a credit card- she seemed pretty convinced that the ten dollars was her last. Did he get the room with his own credit card? How did that not come up in the investigation? He then sent the messages from tracy's phone after taking her from the scene, which can be easily verified as false given that heartmate tracked the time she was at kyle's house and presumably also tracks the time messages were sent. But, like, they're not going to do that for some reason. I guess that's giving up.

avery goes to ask nelson and krummy if they have any evidence that tracy didn't do it, and they don't, because she was at kyle's place in the window of his time of death. Avery yells enzymes and runs out with db because talking is for the pre-cyber era.

It turns out that db's got an experimental testing method to test the enzymes of kyle's muscles so that they can determine the exact time of death, and it's proven that tracy didn't do it. Avery then goes to db and is like “wait how experimental is this?” this was your idea, avery!

yay, tracy's free now. Raven comes out as an fbi agent to her, and she's chill about it. Tracy gets a new phone and laptop that are completely hackproof, and they give her a hotel room. Hurray!

meanwhile, van der geek is driving his daughter, michelle, home. He Is a bad enough dad that she asks “why didn't grandpa pick me up from school? Is he okay?” because it's completely unthinkable that vdg could do some gotdang parenting without his dad being dead. Vdg, being a good comforting person, tells her, “yeah, it's cool, he's just asleep.” she asks if they can get ice cream because it's friday and grandpa always got ice cream on fridays. Wait, what? The club night was explicitly on a friday. Then, when tracy met with raven, it was also a friday. The next day was when all the stuff after that happened- we know because VDG told raven that the murder had happened yesterday. And this is the day after that, which means it's sunday. Is michelle trying to trick her dad into getting ice cream? You're gonna be a great cybercriminal someday, kiddo! Hack time itself! Anyway vdg starts crying and michelle comforts him and it's very heartwarming, but we never know if they do get ice cream.

in comes the legal guy, to point out that the enzyme thing isn't going to fly in court. Yeah, if only they had an exact time for all of tracy's movements and proof that the messages were sent from her phone later. Anyway, avery's all “it's not recognized now, but it will be in the future! There's real science to back it up! You know I do things in an unconventional way!” he still gets mad because they let her out on this experimental evidence, instead of the real evidence that exists. Like, I can't stress this enough. There is evidence that, at the very least, she left the area way before sending an “alright i'm walking in the door now” text. That should at least shed some doubt on the story.

tracy is walking down the street, and gets a text on her new hack-proof phone about how she looks good in blue but she should be wearing an orange jumpsuit. Turns out holden found her anyway! She calls raven in distress, and raven is all “that's impossible!”she goes to krummy, who explains that holden was actually tracking raven, and he followed raven into the fbi, and then used a cell catcher to get tracy's number. That sounds wrong but whatever, i'm not a tech guy. He's got a fake heartmate profile by the name of brad, so raven calls tracy up to let her know not to contact anyone named brad and to just stay in the hotel room. I mean, like, tracy, don't pick anyone up on heartmate. Now is not the time. I don't care if you want to show off your swanky hotel room.

tracy is bad at listening. She opens up a new heartmate account by the name of “amy” and tells “brad” she wants to meet for a drink in 20 minutes. Wait, what? Why? Why would you do that? You're under police protection! You don't need that! Holden accepts, because, yeah, he's spent a month tracking this chick and has finally stalked her down to her hotel room, but might as well take a break to buy a shitty margarita for some rando heartmate girl at 3 pm. You've earned it, holden.

Tracy also steals a box cutter from the hotel lobby on her way out, which is fucking rude. Luckily, avery comes in to let them know that tracy never checked into the hotel, and raven opens up all the heartmate users' locations to figure out that tracy made a fake profile.

so they track down holden, which is easy enough and I don't know why they didn't do that earlier. Tracy's plan was to just walk, like, ten feet behind him and then stab him on the street, so raven stops her from stabbing him and holden is under arrest and tracy isn't going to jail for anything, even though she was just about to try and kill a guy despite being pretty much safe from him. Hurray, all the people we're supposed to like are gonna be okay!

Avery says “let's get tracy home” despite the fact that, you know, tracy doesn't actually have a home. Raven asks how avery found her, and it turns out that avery slipped one of db's  tracking pacifiers in the pocket of her jeans without her noticing. Has whoever wrote this episode ever worn women's jeans? You're not getting a penny in those shitty pockets without being able to feel it.

in the elevator, avery talks to vdg about his dad and he says he's real sad. Then she goes to talk to db and chides him for doing the enzyme thing, despite the fact that it was her idea. Avery, you're a bad boss. They talk for a bit about how the infamous garth rizzo is still at large, so I guess that the season villain is gonna be a guy who has not yet done any crimes. Then db mentions he keeps getting push notifications on his phone. Turns out brody created a profile for DB on soulmatestop.com, against his express wishes! It's not even a free site, it's just on a free trial period! DB's username is “dollabill” and brody and krummy go “DOLLA BILL YOOOOO” and it's…. this show is bad, guys. They make comments about db's virility and he says he's not comfortable with the situation and the show fades out on this blatant workplace harassment. Catfishing is cool when you're a good guy!

So, the tumblr site crashed the first time I wrote this out, so I had to rewatch the episode to make the commentary again. And you know what? This is a boring-ass episode. No wonder it took me a year to get to it. At least it had some half-decent basic social commentary, wrt entitled dudes. I guess they had to get all the good good social justice shit out there before the next episode, because that's the black lives matter episode and, guys, it's not good. It's a bad time.

Logging off the cyberweb, see you soon.