#idk i found it exciting at first having a bunch of messages lol
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i have yes! for some reason whenever i get messages i want to respond but i never do! i fear i may be scared of possible commitment or something because i’ve been like this for a while when i used to respond to every single message lol
maybe, it could also be that it gets boring to entertain pointless conversations with people you're not really interested in 🤷♀️ the fear of commitment is also valid tho, especially in this day and age with less and less people valuing loyalty to one person...
#idk i found it exciting at first having a bunch of messages lol#but eventually it becomes less about them being interested in you and more about desperation and boredom 🙃#so i feel you. i also stopped responding after a while it got repetitive and superficial and honestly just draining#you're probably craving something meaningful and more on a friendship level than just vain attraction#which makes dating apps a bad advice aha but i mean ya never know i guess#my friend has been with her bf for a year now and they met on a dating app and he seems to be the one so 🤷♀️#maybe you could just keep looking for a message you actually *want* to respond to - or leave altogether if it's not working for you#tbh i deleted all my accounts and don't think i'm ever going back#again it's not for everyone - some people seem to find their soulmate there and others end up leaving more hopeless than before 🙃#either way let me know how this progresses#answered#🫶
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hi LJ! I recently discovered your fics and blog and am now a very happy fan of yours lol. I would love to share some headcanons on Din and SW!Frankie with you sometime!. however, not to be gross and sincere, but I just want to say you have also really inspired me lately. you're the first fanfic writer I've found close to my age and tha'ts just ???? fucking mind-boggling to me? and gives me hope to actually write again?? sdafjkh idk I think you're cool and just wanted to stop by :3
Welcome to the party Beerye! I'm so glad you've been enjoying all the fics, I have a blast writing and sharing them with you!
I love getting headcanons and ideas about the Pedro boys! Definitely send them my way - I've used a bunch of SW!Frankie asks to continue sharing their story, and Din holds such a big place in my heart. I always love talking about them (and any Pedro boys TBH, they're always on the mind).
I love the image of being "gross and sincere," it makes me think of someone going
But we love all the feelings here! I'm so happy that my silly little stories have been giving you some inspiration. I know how hard it can be, and I'm so happy it's making you considering doing some writing of your own! I had a similar experience of not feeling happy/confident with my writing until I found some amazingly talented writers on here that inspired me to start again. This community is amazing for that!
And because you were excited to find a writer around your age, I HAVE to rec some of my favorites 30's-era babes that are also amazing inspirations for me! They all write fantastic fics for women of all ages, and I think you'll have a fun time reading their stories too:
@lowlights, @iamskyereads, @jazzelsaur, @radiowallet, @honestly-shite, @leslie-lyman, @starlightmornings, @fuckyeahdindjarin, @whataperfectwasteoftime, @chaoticgeminate, @write-and-buried, @ezrasbirdie, @astroboots, @magpie-to-the-morning, @amywritesthings, @mandosmistress, @omgreally and probably many others but here's a great starting point!
Thank you for coming in and spreading love, this message made me smile after a hectic day yesterday, and receiving such kind words really makes all the writing worth it. I hope you have a lovely day, thanks for reading, and I hope to hear more from you in the future!
#lovely reader!#crying in the club#such a nice message#also love to all my 30s writer friends#and every other writer who's made amazing content I've devoured
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11x24: Rest in Peace - Record Player and More
@galadrieljones:
Just caught up on all this! Okay. I feel similarly about the ending. Idk where to begin. I need to watch it again. I’m just going to say I was surprised because AK and Gimple made it sound like it was going to be this independent ending, but it wasn’t like that for me. I saw them cramming through a bunch of sentimental goodbyes and emotions, almost like fan service, but from what I could tell the story was just chomping at the bit to push forward. To me it was all about the spin-offs.
And that’s why I need to watch it again. Because it’s so vague.
The Rick stuff was shocking to me. I can’t believe they did that. Honestly I did not expect to see Rick at all. Maybe we’d see him in flashback or hear his voice, but to see him?? In that jacket?? I was breathless. Barefoot on the beach felt so much like what we saw in Fear, even right down to the walkers buried up to their heads—which we saw in Fear. And the Silas parallel! I’m so confused but pleasantly so lol. Messages in a bottle. The nautical setting. So much to unpack.
Ofc to me the biggest Bethyl takeaways were the blatant rejection of Donnie, and Carol professing that Daryl is her best friend. Idk I didn’t see tptb leaving much hope for romance. Only that they would perhaps see each other again.
These things in conversation with Judith’s line about how he deserves a happy ending, too, calling back to something Gimple said a lonnng time ago about Daryl finding love before the end…it did give me hope. Hope that now they can kill break free from the comic book chains, bust the story wide open, and honestly just do whatever the heck they want. Take risks. Get crazy.
This ending showed me that the story of TWD was truly over, but that the story of the world in which it is embedded has only just begun. I’m very excited because the rules need no longer apply. Anyway I have to sleep!! I am wired but exhausted all at once. OH and I am also shocked by those shots of Emily and Norman together. Emily wearing roses? Seems like they are together for a reason here.
OH something I just remembered that I wanted to ask you guys about. I thought that the scenes with Rick and Michonne—were they displaced in time? Both characters are shown with the phone. Rick puts it in the leather bag and tosses it into the boat. Is that right? I swear that’s what I saw.
They did a lot of parallel shots with parallel inventory and actions between Rick and Michonne so it was purposely confusing. But I believe that the scene we see with Rick takes places before Michonne finds his stuff on that ship in What We Become, and that Michonne’s scenes take place in the present. It made me wonder if the spin-off might follow them separately through time and space and end with their reunion. Ofc that’s just a guess. I could be wrong. Just wondering what you guys saw there…
@wdway:
I do want to mention that I also read an article. I don't know if you guys noticed the numbers on the boat that Rick threw his stuff on but that apparently is the same boat where Michonne found his boots and the phone. Which is totally confusing to me because if he did that early on and then the boat somehow was taken down to Virgil's island then how could that scratched image of Judith be of present day Judith at least back in season 10.
It's these kinds of questions that I am curious to explore.
@twdmusicboxmystery:
I loved reading your initial thoughts. I hear you about this week being busy. First this. It's a comment on my first thoughts post. Not anything we wouldn't have already said, but kind of interesting to learn that the words they used in translation specifically meant platonic family, rather than romance.
@wdway:
I have something that I want to point out from the last episode it might be a Beth hint or it could just be coincidence but I want to point it out to you anyway.
This is the overhead shot of the recordplayer from e24. I just want to say that I believe this is the first time we've seen an overhead shot of a record player. I might be wrong about that but there is a reason I'm thinking that they wanted this particular angle. The first record player in my memory that we have seen in TWD was s4e4 Slabtown a Beth episode. For that reason I believe we can associate record players with Beth.
I believe they showed it from above in order for us to see the rpm speed indicator. And when I looked at the numbers they seem very familiar to me. My first thought was to question if these are legit numbers and since I do have a record player I went and checked it out for comparison.
Same numbers minus the 16 just in a different order. So I went to my best friend Google to find out why mine didn't have 16. As it turns out it's because, even though mine is well over 10 years old the setting for 16 RPMs are no longer needed or included on record players. By the late 60s and into the 70s the 16 setting was less included on new record players. These 16 RPM recordplayers were considered antiques. So this meant this particular record player was intentionally used for these numbers imo.
Let look at the number and what they could be pointing at. The first that caught my attention was 45 because 45 is the number of the comic issue where Andrea who Beth had been a proxy for in the s4 and 5 this issue is where Andrea woke up from her gunshot head wound.
To be honest I did not check out the other numbers that could refer to comic book issues but I did want to check and see how they compared to the TWD TV series episode numbers.
16- series episode 16 was s2e10 18 Miles Out. The episode where Beth and Rick shared the storyline. Beth attempted suicide but in the end decided that she truly wanted to live. This episode was a true turn in Rick and Shane's relationship. This is an episode that Gimple wrote.
33- series episode s3e14 Prey. Gimple play important part in this episode as that he was the one that wrote everything on Morgan's walls. It highlighted Rick, Michonne, Carl and Morgan. Parts of this episode was highlighted in flashbacks in Michonne's story in series episode 144 s10e13 What We Become, where she found Rick's boots.
45- series episode s4e10 Inmates. The episode that split into 4 storylines of surviving groups. The first being Beth and Daryl with the opening monologue being Beth reading from her journal entry. This is the first of three episodes that told the story of Beth and Daryl's relationship from friends to something more when she was kidnapped.
78- series episode s6e11 Knots Untie. The episode after we first meet Jesus where he takes TF to Hilltop. A community that they had no idea existed. A new community that led to opening up a bigger world to them. This is also the episode in which we see Rick and Michonne's relationship as a couple.
On the record player that we see in Rest In Peace the RPM setting is at 33. Could this be pointing just as Pray was a foreshadowing of things to come in the future? If that's true then the next setting would be 45 where we see the beginnings of a storyline of the development of a relationship between Daryl and Beth. With other characters storylines going in different directions. We have Daryl going to Paris we will be seeing Maggie and Negan in New York and then a third storyline of Rick and Michonne's journey. Just like on episode Inmates different characters groupings going in different directions but ultimately all finding each other.
@galadrieljones:
Interesting! I love your number theories. I think the vintage thing is definitely purposeful. Remember the file folder on the French woman’s computer called “Slingerland?” Slingerland is specifically a brand of vintage drums, which came to prominence in the 50s-70s, at which point the brand was acquired by Gibson. Vintage music brands are very prominent in TWD. Nora and Davon play piano on a vintage Steinway and Sons that looks a lot like the piano from Alone.
This reminds me that I need to go back to season 2 to see if we can see the brand of the guitar that Dale salvages for Glenn.
Can you see the brand on that record player?
I can check later or tomorrow but was just wondering if you can see it on your end. Remember that bunk spoiler we saw that was in French, in which it seems to say that Daryl is going to time travel back to the 60s? What if all these vintage brands are pointing us to the 60s for some important reason? What if that’s where, somehow, this all began?
Remember the song “Cult of Personality” is from the 80s but it prominently features an important quote by JFK, assassinated November 22, 1963.
So maybe that French “spoiler” was translated poorly or there was some sort of language barrier at work. Maybe Daryl simply makes an important discovery that takes him back to the 1960s (metaphorically).
Having taught language learners for like 14 years I can say that would be a common usage error, ie: mistaking metaphorical contexts with literal contexts.
@wdway:
JFK assassinated November 22, 1963!!! 22! I enlarged the record player logo it still sorry but hopefully you recognize it there's also a lion above it it's on its hind feet if that helps. Also forgot to mention originally that the pliers that we see sitting below it would be considered scissors symbol.
@galadrieljones:
11/22/63. I swear we’ve seen some 11s, too…
Perfect!! It’s Garrard. They made turntables. Here’s a bit about these specific models which have the 33, 45, and 78 rpm. This is probably the Garrard 401, produced between 1965-1976
There are lots of theories that the CIA assassinated Kennedy. This is giving me major Cigarette Smoking Man vibes (a la X-Files). This is not me hoping for a deep state conspiracy which leads to the invention and dissemination of Wildfire
@wdway:
We all have played around with the thought that Beth might have been shot an attempted assassination by the CRM at Grady these last few months and now we have a JFK quote in the last episode during a record being played on a antique that possibly could be from a Garrard model 401. Reminder that 401-s4e1 was 30 Days Without An Accident. The first season that Gimple officially became showrunner. It is also the beginning of the Beth and Daryl arc with the hug outside of Beth's prison cell.
#beth greene#beth greene lives#beth is alive#beth is coming#td theory#td theories#team delusional#team defiance#beth is almost here#bethyl
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HIIIII it's friendly anon back again!! ヾ(ゝω・)ノ
the pleasure is all mine, i assure you! :D i was a bit apprehensive to drop in your inbox at first - since i'm not well-versed in self-shipping culture and ask culture on this site is tragically dead - but i got a cool new parasocial friendship out of it and i discovered a new and exciting way to consume media and enjoy characters, so i'm glad that i did!! \^o^/ it took me a long time to realize it, but i truly think self-shipping was the last piece of the puzzle that i was missing in my previous hyperfixations. so what if that man is fictional, what do you mean he can't be mine??
in other news, i've already gotten four of my friends to watch steins;gate and i also recently convinced my sister and her husband to give it a try! i have rewatched the entire show three times alone this month, i am fully insane 🙏
WAITTTT THOSE CATBOY EDITS ARE SO CUTE ACTUALLY 🥺🥺i'm so impressed with how authentic they look, how did you capture the steins;gate style so well?? the second one on particular looks so real, suddenly i'm convinced daru was a catboy the whole time and i just never noticed lol
MAD respect for that 200-unit daru pic collection btw, i've been deep-diving in the darkest corners of the internet for fanart of okabe and i have found some amazing comics featuring daru that made me think of you ( ¯ ³¯)♡! on that note, i've also seen some very sweet drawings of daru with baby suzuha which, out of curiosity, made me wonder what your thoughts on them are together as father and daughter! i adore them honestly, but i'm curious to know if you feel differently about them since you self-ship with daru! i've seen a couple selfshippers in another fandom i frequent who have drawn fankids with their f/o's before and that got me wondering since suzuha is a unique case :)
ASDFJAKSFKSF YES THAT WAS THE NAME OF THE VN idk why i called it that, i think someone else called it that in a reddit post-
nevertheless, my point stands. i cannot even begin to express my disappointment that we didn't get to see daru OR okabe in a maid outfit. heck, we didn't even get to see daru in his penguin suit (though the fact that he was really popular in it made me cackle)! i mean it when i say that if the devs hadn't been cowards and gave us frilly daru and okabe, i would not have looked even twice at the girls. the men yearn for the frills!!! \o/
wahhhh you really are so nice, i appreciate you a bunch :) :) and wow, i thought for sure you'd been part of the community for longer than a year, you seem so comfortable here! was it easy for you to get settled in the community? you've been so nice, but i'm a bit scared to dip my toes in the self-shipping tag if you have any advice👉👈 (thank you again for being so kind and accommodating!! ^^;)
I DID, I SAID THE LINE!! WHERE IS MY PRIZE
your message has been delivered and summarily ignored except for the kiss which he accepted with dignity :3
to sign off, i am blowing both you and daru a pair of friendly kisses! i wish you both a very good night AND OH MAN I ALMOST FORGOT IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY IN TWO DAYS??? in that case, i wish you both a good night AND a wonderful valentine's day if you have any plans!!
thank you again for reading!! i will most assuredly be back if i am still welcome! (ᴗ͈ ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.゚
OMG HI ONCE AGAIN!! SO SORRY IF I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER YOUR ASK, I WAS BUSYY 😭 Still so happy for the fact you're enjoying your new hobbie, I think everyone should try selfshipping at least once in their lives.. and woAHH amazing steins;gate propaganda you've done there! Wish I could do that to most of my friends but some have already seen it ages ago and some aren't just interested so I just kinda gave up HFH ALSO HOOOLY and I thought finishing the series in like,, 2 months was mental but you got me there I'm honest /lh I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW HOW I DID IT?? I just kinda went with it by using a small brush with no pressure and blurring out everything a little bit so it matched the og pic's quality I suppose?? I'm happy you think they seem legit, I did my job well then ; u ; <3 OMG THAT'S SO SWEET OF YOU THOUGHH 🥺🥺 now you got me curious on which ones you're referring to waa.. ALSO UMM.. ABOUT SUZUHA- I had a few concepts for how my relationship with Daru would work in-universe.. so I made a couple of them: one is the "good" ending I guess, while another is just "angst™"
.. yeah, can you tell I felt awful while coming up with the second one? GDGSFGFSD IT'S FINE THOUGH, I'M OK NOW But this is besides the point; I actually really love Suzuha's character and I prefer her over the other girls.. and my favorite dynamic is hers with Daru and Yuki (ironically).. seeing Daru being a dad melts my heart because sometimes I wish I had a father figure as sweet as he is aaa I prefer to see myself with Daru than project myself onto Yuki though, because I'd treat him differently than he does sometimes if I gotta be honest Still, hope you like the silly ideas- WAIT,, UH?? DARU HAS A PENGUIN SUIT?? I NEED TO SEE IT SO BADD 😭😭 Also fr, why can't they just satisfy the boy's fans for once,, I feel like they're leaving us out on purpose at this point- /j
Btw, for the selfship community part, I didn't really do much! I just started to post my artwork in the tag and started following and interacting with some peeps, although rarely because I'm still akward about it, but the people in it are so nice!! In my opinion, it's worth a shot!
Also thank you so much!! I hope you had a great Valentine's day with Okabe as well, sending you kisses as well! I posted a fanart that is kinda vday themed but nothing selfshippy unfortunately, but me and Daru would have probably chilled at home, exchanging eachother chocolates and stuff like that! Idk, I'm not a very "outside" person but if we had in plan to go somewhere like the May Queen to get something together, I wouldn't have minded either!
Of course you're welcome to come back, it's always a pleasure! Since I don't get asks often, it brightens up my day to see something in my inbox once in a while, so thank you still for feeling comfy enough to come back! Have a great day/night! 💕💕
#wanda's replies#wandapinkay's ask#steins;gate#daru#itaru hashida#suzuha#suzuha amane#yuki#yuki amane#selfship#selfshipping#selfshipping community#okabe#okabe rintaro#super hacking my heart 💻💖
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9/25/23
10:25am -
i just had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist? i think thats the word. i got diagnosed with BED (binge eating disorder), and ive been saying for YEARS that i had it, and no one would help me. its been 9 years since i first went to a doctor and told them about my eating habits; they didnt help me. i had an obvious ed, and im glad im finally getting the help i need.
my relationship with food is severely complicated. im obsessed with my weight and the calories im intaking, but i cant stop... binging. and the fact i have fat on my body makes me want to throw up, nd every time i notice it, it makes me feel like my insides are being scratched over and over. my fear of purging is the only reason i dont...
a month ago, i was talking with my counselor, and she asked me if ive ever been screened for adhd. i told her no, but i can tell her yes!! my new doctor did a screening thing for adhd, and i have it. shes referring me to somewhere to get a more in-depth test to see what type of adhd and the severeity of it.
i told my mom all of this, and she seemed upset. i dont understand? shes been so rude to me lately... i mean, she always is.. but it feels like she changed? shes so bitter, and shes being like homophobic 😭😭 out of nowhere LIKE WHAT PROMPTED U TO BE LIKE THIS? i SWEAR on everything, being a chronic facebook user ruined her. she wasnt like this before facebook LMAOO shes so sad. but, all well!
im going to try my best to clean my room again. i NEED to get my shit together!! its so embarrassing how messy it is. i have to focus on doing it. i have to do it today; i have no choice!!
10:17pm
news flash: i didnt clean my room. whos surprised? im going to try and get it together before i go to bed because i have to... i have or else ill feel like im letting my boyfriend down lol
yk idk why but being friends and flirting w somsone is so much different than dating them. its insane!
i didnt mention this before but im being put on a different medication that targets bed and adhd and it also helps depression. i have to do a bunch of testing before i take it, though, because its a controlled substance
im afraid of facing my past. i know that i was a fucked up kid, but seeing HOW fucked up i am is... terrifying. like i read through a few of my old roblox messages and woah!!! i was living a double life, holy shit! obvi... i used a fake name, fake age, and some of the stories i would tell belonged to my sister. ill forever be regretful for the way i was back then... it makes me think, though... did i ever really change?
i had this girlfriend named .... lets call her juju. she lived on the other side of my country, and we met because we both ran fan accts for a youtuber on insta. i became ... obsessive? quickly. i feel sorry for her, but i was 12 and she was nearly 16, so... she easily couldve cut me off once she found out my age lmao. idk, i kept trying to find ways for her and i to meet in person because i was so excited to meet her online. she broke up with me, and i made another instagram and pretended to be someone else for a while.... aka i catfished her. i didnt show her photos of anyone else, just used the name "katrina" like i used to. i got her to talk abt her exes and then she talked abt how she recently broke up w someone and how crazy they were. i knew then that my behavior wasnt normal. i didnt understand the boundaries i was crossing.
am i all that different now? i used his snap maps to see when he's at his dad and when hes at his moms or at school. when i planned on moving down there, i looked for apartments that were nearby his primary home. i attenpted to make an acct to pretend i was someone else and see if he would lie to me abt info abt his life. i didnt finish it.... i got like the ick from myself and was thinking abt how crazy i was.
i try my best to not be ... stalker-like. i wouldnt follow someone throughout their day to see where they are, who theyre with. i wouldnt use it to harm him, and if he didnt want to see me or talk to me, i wouldnt force him to by showing up to his house or texting him off the number i give to weirdos.
im getting tired. its 10:37p now, and i keep like closing my eyes every once and awhile inbetween sections.
i think the last thing i feel i need to rant abt is how i told my dad i have binge eating disorder and for dinner when i told him i didnt care what he got me, HE GOT ME FOOD FOR A FAMILY OF 4. he looked me in the eyes and said, "two cheeseburgers, 16 chicken nuggets, 10 cheese sticks, and a milkshake incase u get hungry later" when he KNOWS i have a habit of eating a lot of food in one sitting.
i feel gross from how much i ate today, and im still wanting to eat more.
being told "u can reverse everything thats wrong w you if u just lost weight!" and then having those same people ENFORCE ur unhealthy eating habits is insane
like, do u rlly want to help me? or do u want to just berate me for the hell of it?
okie song song time
this song is so ... relateable. typical pop song but its so good 2 me
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I just can't get enough it seems, time to start the next Baki the Grappler book!
It seems that this one will take on the saga i saw on the anime (at least by the end) so that's exciting
Chapter 1
First off quality is SHIT lmao
Yesss i remember this. I still think that shit about everyone trembling is a lil... Mmmm bullshit.
Baki be like <:] but in a smug way
Look at Tokugawa my man
OH RIGHT HE LEFT THE TOURNAMENT WITH A CAST
This feels so random
Oh right the synchronicity shit
Baki is so -_- in this manga
Look at the old timer go
YEAH FR TOKUGAWA JUST BROUGHT EXPLOSIVES TO A SCHOOL FULL OF CHILDREN TO MAKE A SHITTY ANALOGY SHSHWKWGGE FREAK OLD MAN
Chapter 2
Ahegao
Epic grandpa
HO NICE
Mf really swam thru the Pacific ocean
Chapter 3
Huh i thought he was Scottish
This random guy was pretty interesting looking, the one executing Doyle
Fucked up shit how they still do this stuff
King, i can somehow still remember his voice in particular fsr
Also since no one reads this i will say it: Doyle does NOT look white ahagdbafhsdbc
I like that he didn't bother killing the doctor
Is that Strydum? 🥺👉👈
Chapter 4
Shagddjd i was going to say that, this dude could have easily taken a different path from violence
GAARN? MY MAN? MY BELOVED GARLAND? IS HE ALIVE STILL?!
FFS NOT FOR LONG HHH LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY...
I mean it's fair, Sirkosky uses weapons, but man, Garland... :'/
This all hits so different once you know the characters :]]]
Chapter 5
That pic is still so brutal
What an absolute troll shsshwgxgd
Also fun fact when i watched the anime i didn't pay much attention at first so I assumed the Russian was Spec (i didn't even know Sirkosky's name)
I love how that was unnecessary shagdhsr
ADAGDFAGAFAD this guy was also great
Spec was fucking insane man aggsggahsfg
I love he's full of tattoos
The absolutely king
OH RIGHT Spec is sus *laugh track*
Chapter 6
Oh hell yeah, grandpa's ex
Baki tf you doing there in the cover you madlad
...bottom storage.
THEY ARE SO MEAN LEAVE HIS SHORT ASS ALONE SHSGJSGS
He's my size btw
Was there a motive for him to be naked or was he just a freak btw?
I love the shape of his eyes ngl
I love how scared the guards are while he just calmly rambles
I don't wanna call yanagi my grandpa because i think yanagi can get it and it would be like calling him daddy but the Gilf™ is Dorian man life is so hard when you are me
I love Yanagi's face lol he's handsome
Chapter 7
Poor Baki lmao he just got better from the maximum tournament and now this
Lmao Baki has a point
Unnecessary, Doyle
Chapter 8
I love how they were recruiting dangerous mfs to beat up this random guy bc his vibes are fucked up
This guy looked a lot like jack
You gotta be brave to shove a knife that sharp into your pants
I love how Baki literally did nothing to em
Baki's face just looks wrong this isn't my beloved child
Imagine you are about to fight this mf and he just shoves his hand inside his pants
Chapter 9
This dude really looks like, fully japanese jack hanma
JWGWKEGWKSGE I LOVE HIM
I love how Spec just showed up dressed up as a fucking monk or something
Chapter 10
You guys know, Dorian reminds me of my now dead great grandfather, with the moustache look even more.
Not impressed, 15 yo Hanayama did the same when throwing a tantrum
He's so insane i luv him
Okay but look at the cut of that outfit look at how well it hugs his chest and waist but flows bellow... Spec my dude you could have been a mad good model 😐 he's even giving me gender envy! 🥺
I love how Baki used both his hands for the handshake
Chapter 11
Ho, speak of the devil, i was just talking of this fucker with Blood
Mf got so old
I like how there was no motive for him to be naked he literally is just Like That
Also it's from here that he got that wasp waist lmao
Mf just flexing at this point lmao
GRANDPA!! <3
Yanagi got cake
That's so unnecessary rude, obsessed. Also, as if you weren't old Yanagi. I see why they broke up now ;/
Chapter 12
11 and 12 are the same fsr
Chapter 13
I honestly wonder where these prisoners got their clothes, like, aside from Doyle that one time everyone else is never shown shopping or even owning money
Also i love the fact that on a daily basis i dress the same as Spec, that definitely says something bout me jagsjsgwhwfwg 😭
To be honest, considering the size of Spec's body, they should definitely feed him more
He didn't wash his hands 😢
Dick and balls too strong ajgshsgsg
I love how fucking, polite he is.
Oh i see, i thought he might have stolen a wallet or something but nah
Btw i genuinely don't remember shit JAGSKSGWJGS even if it watched the anime i forgot most of this
Chapter 14
GOD the way the anime butchered Katsumi, he's so handsome in the manga in comparison 😐
Also i like how they aren't explaining this like, Katsumi was the one who lost, did he wait until Retsu was okay to fight again in HIS ("") dojo?!
RETSU STOP DOING THESE SORT OF TRICKS THAT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE AJDGSJSG
HE'S JUST BUILT DIFFERENT
Okay he actually explained, oddly nice of Retsu to accept tho
Hoho this scene hits different now that i know and like Katsumi
Also I'm not even gonna question where Doppo is, dude is never just around skdgksgd
Chapter 15
I love this genre of cover
WHITE BOY SJDGSJGSHS-
I love that retsu is just watching, he's still an asshole QJGSJSGWH
If i didn't know Katsumi I would say he died
I did actually think he had died when watching the anime
Retsu still has his thicc ass i see
Chapter 16
See all this makes sense now that i know retsu and the shit he has seen and been thru!
Angry lad, lucky his hair didn't burn
I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE HE EXTINGUISHED THE FIRE WITH HIS SCREAM
Chapter 17
Ahegao in the cover
I'm looking at the pages and I'm obsessed with Doppo being described as a "bold, badass karate master", it's so accurate <3
Also Igari being called eccentric, and the mention he defeated Mount Toba!! <3
Baki is slowly looking more like Baki
"my mother is dying"
Tasks keep failing successfully
Chapter 18
mAh boy...
That happens and it's the worst
Musashi you good boy 🥺
Chapter 19
Igari <33
That's insane
Chapter 20
I love that Igari looks legitimately worried and sad, not sweating tho
I love how he didn't have any serious damage until the punches like, okay.
Poor Igari tho
DID HE CHEW EM OFF OR SOMETHING? SHSHWGEGCH
Was anybody going to tell me is Sikorsky and not Sirkosky?
Also i love how legitimately scared Tokugawa is, probably more than when Yujiro picked him up
Chapter 21
The heights are so off in this saga
Oh my fucking god i didn't know Spec was 221
Either heights are all over the place or Yanagi is not 160
Either way HOW CAN YOU BE THAT SMALL? 🤣
GAFSFWEAD Tokugawa like "i own this place 😐"
Doyle is still the most decent one of the bunch
URSURSUTSUSTSRU
LOOK AT YANAGI DORIAN AND SIKORSKY ALREADY GETTING THEIR HANDS READY SBDGSHW
I googled how big Andreas from the tournament was and like, 2.40 😦
LET'S GOOOOO EVEN WITH A BEARD OMFG 😳😳😳
I see Hanayama descended into alcoholism after losing in the tournament. Also tf is with that bag? Was he hiking or something?
Jsgsjsgd Shibukawa is so excited too
I think this is chronically the first time Doppo appears with fully casual clothes, usually he either was in a suit or in his karate uniform
I'm straight up simping to the public now sgsjsgwhw
Chapter 22
LOOK AT THESE DUDES..... 💞
FUCK I WAS GONNA SAY THERE WERE MORE BAD THAN GOOD GUYS THEN LOOKED DOWN AND REALIZED THAT NO, SHIBUKAWA WAS JUST NEARLY OUT OF FRAME 😭
They all look so upset about that information
SIKORSKY NAME GOT SPELLED AS SILCOSKI...
Looking at them drives me insane i developed such a bond with all these fighters
I haven't seen Doppo this excited since last time his wife showed up
BAKI SWEARING?! 😰
How did Tokugawa grab Baki's shoulder?
ALSO WHY TF IS BAKI SO SURPRISED AS IF HE DIDNT GO AROUND BEATING UP PEOPLE WHEN HE WAS 13...
Don't worry Baki y'all will, Tokyo is not that big it seems
Shibukawa swearing 😨
"Imagine being mid but and Spec pulls up on you" "imagine having sex and she takes the mask and it's fucking Spec"
To be fair i would fuck a 2.21 muscular lady without going "hmmm this doesn't seem like a good idea..." in any moment
Chapter 23
I love how Dorian is just looking up
ACTUALLY ALL THEIR STANCES, Yanagi making dead eye contact with Gouki, Sikorsky with a firm pose just as Hanayama, Doyle with hiss chest up but eyes down giving a sense of pride, and, well, then there's Spec being Spec.
I like seeing Sikorsky having fun
I love Spec he played so smart SGSGSGS
😳 love wins!
Oh i had already forgotten about the dojo
Old man Dorian just has that effect on people
Threesome i see /j
He really was just fucking hiking i would love if they ever explained that ough 🥺
Did his facial hair just disappear?? STSGSFSD
BWHEKEGWJG THEY REALLY JUST FORGOT TO ADD IT FOR ONE PANEL IM OBSESSED
Such a good kick tho
The relationship these men can have is so oddly nice like not Doppo and Retsu specifically but all of the fighters in general. Like many of them barely know each other, but they all know their fighting styles and respect each other, plus have no reason to be in bad terms with one another and specially not now that they are all fighting for the same cause. It's just so nice to see em idk JAGSHS
Hey Igari.
Chapter 24
Thank God Doppo went <3 again it had been so long
Babe are you okay? You hadn't put a lil heart in your speech bubble for a while...
King really punched the fire
I will chose to believe that's true bc it's impressive 😍
You know it's funny like, Katsumi is mad good but he doesn't has as much experience as his dad and that leaves him in disvantage
Hehe i remember that guy
The manga is so much better than the anime ffs
I love that he didn't even realize
Chapter 25
Manga i don't think that's science
Also Baki just chilling with some doves lmao
I'm looking thru old messages see how my og reaction to this was
Huh i found nothing, that's odd. Well my reaction would have probably been like NOOOOO anyway so, y'all can imagine it
You left my dilf handless you fucking asshole good thing he has a wife
Imagine this dude cuts your hand and then just flexes his knowledge about science or whatever
HSSGGSFS THEY FIXED THE NO BEARD ERROR
Illiterate king <3
A guy did this to me once btw!!! Obviously in way smaller scale but he just touched something and the bleeding soon stopped!!!!
Honestly that's the most huge dick energy thing Doppo has ever done
Pfff I'm starting to remember why i liked Doppo so much 🥴
Bitches confused over him running away, tf was he supposed to do? He played it smart since there are no rules
Though yeah an eye and NOW a hand, insane
Chapter 26
Sjshhdhsn tanuki?
Oh, fox, he was calling him slick
Manga is pretty faster than the anime
Chapter 27
Where's your honor, Igari...
He is right sadly enough 😔
Oh i keep forgetting Igari's nature, he was probably trying to pull his silly little tricks again
This is just brutal honestly
Hehe this time i didn't get scared ☺️
I like that at least I'm not the only one who needs their mind off the gutter
Chapter 28
Love seeing em datin <3
He's so aggressive accidentally i love these dorks sm 😍🥺💞
SPEC FFS SJGDHWGW
Chapter 29
SPEC FOR FUCKS SAKE SJSVSJWGSH
Hanayama is such a real bro man
I LOVE THAT HE WAS JUST STALKING BAKI TOO BTW SJDGJDGDHSBDGDGS
To think i will still love hanayama but for entirely different reasons 😌
Chapter 30
Kaoru looks different but idk how
What the fuck is Spec even saying?
The fact that that makes no sense, i still love it a lot tho.
ALSO I ADORE HOW QUIET HANAYAMA IS WHEN FIGHTING
Okay Spec really has a point it really is beautiful
GOD I'M STARTING TO UNDERSTAND THESE CHARACTERS TOO MUCH I NEED HELP AJDGSJSGSHS 😭
But it's beautiful in the sense like, look how built he is! Look at all those scars!!! It IS beautiful it's a masterpiece!!!!!!!
"i choose to believe this is how hanayama always undresses" KSHSKDGSJ THE AMOUNT OF SUITS THIS MAN DESTROYS.. OBSESSED
Though yeah Hanayama in general is also beautiful isn't he?
Chapter 31
I would sob man look at him. Look at Shiba.
NO ONE RISKS HIS LIFE MORE THAN SHIBA YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE I STILL HOLD A LOT OF RESPECT FOR HIM!
A BENCH...
I really don't get why he's letting himself get hit, is he just flexing?
I cannot way to see him do his Technique ™
Chapter 32
Manga is so much superior to the anime, like, i haven't complained about Spec even once bc he isn't annoying anyone, in the anime he was so infuriating!!
I love when they just steal their standing poses sjsgjssgsh
That distortion effect so good
Chapter 33
I still think it's weird they used humans and not machines, though it was effective
I love how Spec managed to punch that statue without calling the attention of much people that's impressive
And i love that he keeps saying man he sounds like me with bro
Hanayama my beloved
Chapter 34
Yeah I'm not reading all that 😐
Oh this explains the holes in his clothes
#luly talks#btg#having a shitton of fun#the anime is NOTHING compared to the manga#the only good thing about the anime is the voice acting which is just on point#but everything else SUCKS man#they made me hate my man Spec and now im seeing he wasnt as nearly as annoying as in the anime#AND THEY BUTCHERED SO MANY FACES... EVERYONE WAS SO FUCKING UGLY#HANAYAMA... KATSUMI... EVEN BAKI WAS MAD UGLY 😭😭#but everything is better now ☺️#also i hit the limit of letters again 🥴#baki liveblog
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krew with phones
did i write this at 3am 2 months ago and never looked at it again? maybe.
Korra has an android, most likely a Sumsang Galazy uhhhh smth idk i don’t keep up with phones. It’s not the one with the pen tho, it’s probably an older generation one bc if she had a latest model she would have too much power (no she wouldn’t)
like if this was in canon, she probably got it at the end of s1. Like imagine aang’s spirit going up to her and being like korra,,,,,,,, here’s a sumsand galazy bc u can’t navigate the city at all,,,,,,,,
anyway she has no idea how to use it but she catches on pretty quick how to text. Makes a lot of typos. Abuses the emojis. She likes the arm, hands, shrug, sports ones.
is appalled by how different the iphone emojis are from android
The type to backspace all the way to the first typo she made instead of tapping it or holding the word or whatever. And then she forgets what she typed and it strays from what she originally had.
Didn’t know the front camera existed. She’s like, whaT!? I’ve been staring at the dark screen to pick food out of my teeth! So now that’s what she uses it for.
Asami has the latest model of iPhone that has the home button bc she actually likes it
she probably has other iphone models just to tinker with them.
I bet by the time iphone releases their next model, she’s already made her own that has more space, better cam quality, faster speed, more durable screen, etc. than their model and the home button is still there.
Does not use emojis very often, and if she does it’s the thinking face with the hand on the chin 🤔 when she’s talking to Korra or Bolin
Also has a work phone, but it’s filled with a lot more stuff than her personal phone
that OR she has a sumsang note or whatever has the pen bc she likes that feature when she's commuting and she can doodle or draw over blueprints
does not put a period at the end of her sentences
Mako has kept the same flip phone for the past 3 years even though it’s all scratched up. He texts slowly bc abc2 def3 ghi4
responds late bc the sound is broken and the vibration thing got weaker
uses a lot of acronyms. Probably makes up his own too, like chl (coming home late) or wduw4d (what do u want for dinner, because the u is the second press and y is the third press).
Don’t expect emojis or emoticons bc he has a character limit. When someone sends him a text with an emoji, it either fails receiving it or it just pops up as the diamond with a question mark in it
If his flip phone allows group messaging, the messages always come individually instead of altogether.
So when he reads one from bolin, he has to go back to the folder, press up, click, read korra’s LOL with a bunch of emojis (he Cannot see the emojis), then repeat.
He can’t message them all at once, so he just sends whatever he has to say to bolin so on bolin’s end there’s just a long line of mako’s messages pertaining to the group chat that he has to relay to the group. But by the time he does that, the group already moved on to whatever else. When he has smth to say, it’s frustrating, but otherwise he wouldn’t mind doing this when he's on break or is bored
If he decides to upgrade his phone (most likely because the others pitched in and got it for him), he gets the blackberry phone with the rolling cursor and he likes playing the ball and brick game on his breaks.
He says he doesn’t miss whipping his phone out and opening and closing it because really it was such a hassle to do but it has sentimental value for being his first phone and it’s kind of muscle memory for him to flick his phone open when he pulls out his blackberry.
Bolin has an LG smart phone (idk what gen) bc he’s the younger sibling.
he abuses the camera and runs out of space and has to constantly delete apps and pictures and videos.
The earliest video he has is probably a probending match so he could rewatch it and learn strategies (not really he just wanted to capture toza’s match)
it's a super shaky video. no you can't zoom in.
his first picture is a blurred sidewalk and his first selfie is probably blurry too because he didn’t know the thing needed time to capture the image or wtv and he got excited and tried it with mako afterwards.
His second selfie with mako was probably two months after he got his phone because he found out you can change the default background so he takes one with mako and mako hasn’t smiled for a picture since he was 8 probably so he kinda just does what FEELS like a smile but it comes out like a straight line.
The camera is not the greatest but bolin probably enjoys how pixel-y it looks until he gets a glimpse at asami’s photo qualities.
Bolin uses the 🤪🤩😬🤯 the most, but also always matches the food emoji to whatever he's currently eating.
Korra's camera roll consists of screenshots she intends to look at later and sometimes theyre of her teeth when she accidentally takes a picture while picking the food out
Asamis personal camera roll starts off with pictures of places shes been to and slowly fills up with candid pictures of her friends. No one ever noticed she snuck a picture of them until she makes a scrapbook
#lok#korra#asami#bolin#mako#krew#i didnt proofread so if theres any repeated stuff no there isnt#jay clowns around#idk where i was going w this so if anything sounds wonkers blame 3am me#also wow first thing i contribute to fandom ✌#good for me#i just have a lot of thoughts for when poor kids have phones#also my self projecting on mako and bolin ✌
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Now that Honor Compels Me is finally done, I wanted to do a round-up of all the things I remember that made me say “I feel like I need to tell someone what almost happened here” or “I should probably explain this later lol”, along with my reasons for cutting the last few chapters/what would have happened in them. It’s prob going to be very long, which I apologize for, but I’ll bold the headings so that you can skip to the parts you’re interested in!
I’ll reblog it and add more as I think of them, but for now:
Dark Dany: VERY originally, like way back in the OG plotline from 2017, Dany was an antagonist, and Margaery Tyrell was Robb’s queen. Dany would have died fighting Cersei in Kings Landing, with the same result (Cersei was ALWAYS going to go out by wildfire lmao). I changed it both because a) it seemed like too many Conveniently Alive people for one story and b) after the shitty ending Dany got, I decided I would try my hand at writing a Dany I could actually root for! For years I’ve been a big proponent/fan of the idea that Dany is eventually going to be an antagonist in the books, but the way it was handled in the show was so irredeemably stupid (gassing her up and gaslighting/scolding her fans later who didn’t see it coming, making her switch at the drop of a hat for the majority of the general audience just for the sake of a twist, etc). I ended up really loving the version of Dany I created. I tried not to soften her TOO much, which is why I had her wrestle with herself even up to the very end (like thinking “I won” after the explosion in Kings Landing and hating herself for it). I didn’t want all the flaws that make me not support canon Dany to disappear just because I started to like her! I do think that writing this story made me like Dany more overall. I still don’t support her canon actions, and I also probably won’t in the books, but I came to find her more compelling as I wrote her. I’m a lot less afraid to write her now than I have been in the past, though I’ll continue to add warnings to all my stories that feature Dark Dany, bc yall Dany stans have been through enough.
More Death: At various points Dany, Theon, Bran, and Arya were going to die.
Dany was already pointed out.
I had Theon die in the Long Night in the plot outline just out of laziness/in keeping with canon, until I remembered that Redemption = Death is stupid and I wasn’t gonna do it.
Bran was going to die after warging into Drogon and being caught in the explosion of the Red Keep. That actually stayed in until a few weeks ago! I told a bunch of people that Bran was going to die! It was the plan all along! And then I realized that “somebody has to die” was a shitty way of looking at it, and I changed it. I think a lot of this process of changing things was me trying to write what I thought people wanted vs what story I actually wanted to tell. Sure it’s a little fairy tale ending this way, but it’s my story, and who cares? Happy endings are nice. Fuck off.
Arya...I probably wouldn’t have ever actually gone through with it, because I am a coward, but there was an idea of a VERY heavy-handed “revenge is bad” message with Arya where Arya was much more savage and instead of turning back into Arya, she was turning farther and farther away from her. She couldn’t reconcile with the Lannisters, she rejected her bonds with her family. In the end she would be unable to let go of her list, would refuse to grow and change and realize that she had other things to live for, and she would have set off one of Qyburn’s traps in the Red Keep, igniting the whole thing, killing Drogon and Rhaegal (and Bran) and leading to the deaths of thousands. AGAIN I was like “that’s too dark” and scrapped the idea, but it was definitely toyed with. I love Arya as a character, so this plotline for her would have definitely been more a reaction to fans of her who seem to want her to hold on to that vengeful seed inside of her.
Prophecies: Listen, I do not give a fuck about any prophecies. I really don’t. Every fantasy universe has some kind of involved backstory that some fans love to get mired in, but I am not one of those fans. Still, I tried to deliver on two of them lmao.
Azor Ahai ended up being Jaime, with Ice/Oathkeeper and Maiden’s Heart being Lightbringer. Originally, I had Brienne killing the Night King, without any thought to the prophecy at all, but that was another case of “people will like it if Brienne kills the Night King” and I realized that I would like it better if it was Jaime. I’m not sure how it checks out literally, but I figured it worked with a) tempering in water = splitting Ice. b) heart of a lion = Jaime’s change of heart after the Highgarden Battle. c) Nissa Nissa = Brienne’s “maiden’s heart” breaking during the Highgarden Battle. It was Brienne who did the stabbing, but it was Jaime who made it happen, so I figured that made sense. I made sure to mention Brienne’s tears and all the smoke when Jaime was wounded, so he could be “reborn amidst salt and smoke” or whatever, and I had Bran mention a rebirth for him in the next chapter. Which was maybe a little on the nose, but IDK GUYS I FEEL LIKE IT CHECKS OUT!
I know the show never dove into the Valonqar prophecy at all, and I think we all know that I absolutely HATE the idea of Jaime being the Valonqar, so I would rather not think about it AT ALL. But Bran AND Rhaegal were both kind of responsible for Cersei’s death in the end, so take your pick of which Little Brother actually did the deed!
Deleted Chapters: I promise you, you are not missing anything with these deleted chapters. They were always messy, and no matter how many times I edited them, they felt too forced and “now let me explain the ending”.
Sansa: Sansa’s chapter followed Jaime’s and was primarily about her going to Robb and Dany and the three of them talking about the future of Westeros. The Dany/Robb conversation about it was originally absent--the last Robb chapter was added to fill in the gaps when I deleted this and the other chapters--so this would have been the first time it was discussed. It then would have had a time jump and a wedding scene, which I could never make work! It was such a jarring time jump in the middle of a chapter, and I didn’t think the wedding was particularly exciting to write about lmao.
Tyrion: Tyrion’s chapter would have been Dany being crowned and announcing to everyone that she and her people are going to be dismantling the monarchy and setting up a new government. I think I had her give a period of a few years in which she and Robb would rule, but they were going to be transitioning governments in that time. Kind of the same idea as in What a King Should Look Like. Bronn also showed up, DID in fact get a minor holdfast, and was mocked by both Lannisters for bowing out before he could have earned himself a better one. Olenna found some bastard daughter to legitimize and continue her house.
Brienne: Brienne’s arc was a lot more drawn out in the original draft, and I ended up editing it a few times and making it shorter. VERY originally, this chapter would have been her wedding with Jaime, at which she has the “wow he actually loves me, huh?” realization. Which I thought was funny as I plotted it out, but in execution it wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be, so I moved the realization to an earlier chapter. The original was also going to be Jaime giving up his name entirely, and Brienne cloaking him, but as we have discussed before, I am in fact a coward, so I just deleted the whole chapter lmao. In all seriousness, at this point the endings just felt like Return of the King, and Into the West was actually the chosen song for this chapter, because I knew even as I was writing it that I was doing Too Much lmao.
Robb: Robb’s last chapter was essentially just a total wrap up chapter. Just Robb and Dany being sappy, Robb being happy he was still alive, and the two of them planning the future. They were at Riverrun for this part, i’m pretty sure, or it might have been Dragonstone? I had trouble even filling this chapter with enough words for it to be a full chapter, because it was basically just an epilogue. As the story progressed, this chapter felt more and more like I was just performing to the “Robb’s Alive” crowd, which I didn’t particularly want to do, because Robb being alive was always a feature, not the focus, of this story.
That’s all the stuff I can think of for now! If anyone has any particular questions you can message me or inbox me about them and I’d be happy to talk about it!
#angel does nanowrimo#honor compels me#this is maybe Too Much but idk here you go in case anyone wants it!!
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(lovely anon) ok so this may sound so dramatic but; let me paint you a picture: i’m responding to your latest message, sitting on the edge of the sofa. i type in “lovely anon” into the search and see this longgg post come up and i’m like uhhh... i scroll down and see the people you tagged and literally. when i saw @ lovely anon. i . cried . like full on tears. my brother goes “what are you doing” “she tagged meeeee” and he continued what he was doing and didn’t care LMAOO but i was so emotional? i love and appreciate you too and aAH IM CRYING!! you’re just really sweet and i didn’t expect it at all and it was really lovely to be a part of something :’)
the kermit pic sent meee but yes yes yes!! when you start uni let me know, lol i’m so excited for you!! let me know how it goes cuz i’m literally hype hahah & yes we will be in our sad corners of the world, missing england but you’re right it’ll be sooooo worth it in the end!!! and oH i’m glad you talk to them lol i truly thought you like haven’t seen them/haven’t spoken to them this whole time😭 that would’ve been awful!
also i totallyyy get what your saying about the english speaking thing. and idk why you’re insecure (well i *knowww* bc it’s not your first language and you’re studying it in college so yuh) but your english is great :)))
lol yeah that makes sense.. my mom took french in college and she remembers NOTHING HDJSHSJ (the fact that you wanna learn MORE languages i- ahh i so admire you.. you literally know so many languages🥺) yea i mean you know a bunch of languages bc you know the base of words lol, but i wonder if because you know latin it’ll be easier for you to learn french? oh- oh wait you said it’ll be easier HAHHAHA
THERES SO MUCH EXCITING STUFF TO TALK ABOUT HDGSJSJSL it’s so wild to me that you can’t watch chaos walking :( i’m a professional hacker tho so i’ll try and find a way for you LMAO (by professional hacker i mean i literally have gotten multiple free trials and i’m pretty sure the hulu police are after me bUT ITS THEIR FAULT BC WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE???) i mean the movie was good? and cute? and funny? but yea don’t think it’s gonna be the most fantastic thing haha AND THE DOGGO AWWW (i saw it again today- or my today lol, saturday, aND THESE OLD PEOPLE CAME AND SAT IN FRONT OF ME AND MY FRIEND LIKE ITS A LONG STORY LMK IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT)
SHARK FILMS?!?!! PLEASE READING THIS I HAD NO IDEA YOU WOULD LIKE SHARK MOVIES TOO FHSKSHSHDJDJGAJAYSJS ok so i haven’t seen any of the classics (i’m working on it) but i would probably watch jaws to laugh at it? not like that lmao but like comparing it. OKAY BUT HONESTLY I BARELY KNOW ANYONE WHO LIKES SHARK FILMS AHHH OKAY im adding “the shallows” to my watchlist bc it sounds super good AND SAME AHSJD ANY BODY OF WATER IN A MOVIE I JUST KNOW ITS COMING LMAO watch me not go in the water anymore after seeing that picture HHDJSJ
WHEN I READ THIS I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO MY MOM ABOUT THE MEG AND THAT SCENE WHERE THE SHARKKK JUMPEDDDD AND ATE THE OTHER ONEEEE AND THEN JONAS HAD TO DO- bro i cannot (i think that one is my favorite because i love me a bit of romance and the subtle romance hAD ME) 47 meters down PHEW could you imagine?? i try not to think too hard about it i’m like “don’t be dumb catherine, don’t put yourself in a dumb situation” (not autocorrect having “dumb bitch” ready i am not lying) and i literally understand... there is no other way to explain 47 meters down
i CANNOT watch horror movies, can’t can’t can’t, i literally hate them i cannot do it!!! the thrill is tempting and it’s cool in the moment but i cant lmao. i don’t have nightmares about scary things (for the majority of the time) but going to sleep i’m like oooohhhhhh shit 🥲 literally what you explained
music !!!! music !!!! music !!!! (u ever write a word and now it looks weird lmao) MY BROTHER DOESNT LIKE MUSIC AND ITS SHIT IM LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU- anyway, my music taste is all over the place i mean......... it’s crazy. earlier today i was listening to meghan trainor’s album “title” oUT OF NOWHERE, but just a few minutes ago i was listening to fall in love with me by earth wind and fire soooo lol .. megan is *chefs kiss*, i’m not familiar with stormzy🙈, harry styles.... IM SORRY IM THAT PERSON but i don’t listen to his solo music EEK i only listen to adore you... and not that frequently... the music video freaked me out... i like niall’s solo music a lot more, which i listen to a lot more. now. one direction. favorite. please & thank you. i have a playlist called “boy bands” and it consists of one direction and the vamps (obsessed with cherry blossom btw) but as you can see my taste is all over the place!! fr fr if i sent you what apple music has as my “favorites” it went from ariana grande to carrie underwood to glee (OBSESSED DONT LET ME TALK ABOUT IT) i mean please if you let me i will nonstop (hamilton HDJSH) talk about music all day😩 & NOOO UR MUSIC IS GREAT HAHSK IM NOT A BIG RAP PERSON BUT DOJA CAT IS MY FAVORITE!!
okay good, i’m glad :) i was just nervous that you did feel that way <3 and GOT IT HAHAJ healthy pressure is always good :’) my friend got me these pens cuz i love stationary and school supplies lol and was like “now you have to write something” soooo yea i feel that! and i saw you posted the ficcccccc literally so proud of you 🥺🥺 i’m trying to decide if i read it tomorrow or tonight..... sleep or a literal beautiful creation made by the sweetest person and is v v nice smut and college!peter and 4.7k...... sleep aint really calling no more.
GIRL ALL OF MY SENTENCES ARE TOO LONG HAHAHAH IN FACT THIS IS TOO LONG SOOO (also why am i 3 days late..😑) anywho it’s 1 in the morning so <33 lovely anon
🥰
oh my god the fact that you cried nearly made me cry too😭😭🥺🥺 (also, your brother LMAO), i wasn‘t even sure if you‘d see it but i immediately thought of you so of COURSE i included you <333
the hulu police lsjsjaiaik, girl i was ready to get a hulu membership when i wanted to watch big time adolescence and i couldn‘t find it anywhereee, and when i got to the payment it said i need a bank account that‘s based in the US or whatever. like bro i was about to pay you!! but i was forced to find it somewhere (and i did, on levidia,— not that i‘ve ever used it because it‘s illegal 😤 i would never!!! i‘d rather support billion dollar companies and spend my money on watching films that i can find for free 🥰🥰🥰 not
i‘ve found chaos walking online so i‘ll watch it som time this week!! also YES TELL ME THE STORY
okay so idk if you watched/are planning on watching falcon and winter soldier but i watched the first episode the other day and they were speaking french (just a few seconds) and I UNDERSTOOD SOME WORDS DLDJDJ and i was so proud of myself. i‘ve only ever learned french with duolingo lol (i only do like 5 mins a day and that‘s why i was so surprised that i understood some of it!!). and yeah apart from latin i feel like italian, german, french and english are all similar in a sense.. i mean obviously they‘re completely different languages but for example there are some grammatical constructions in french that i think i wouldn‘t understand if i only spoke english? so when i translate those things into english you can‘t directly translate them bc you say things differently, but when i translate them into german then it makes more sense to me. idk that‘s something i noticed so i feel like if you already know multiple languages it‘s easier to learn another language compared to if you only know one language and are trying to learn a second one. even if the languages aren‘t similar then i think you get the hang of it easier.
ikd slsjsjs also i don‘t want you to think that i‘m a linguistic genius or anything lmfao, like i‘m only fluent in english and german and i‘m just a wannabe (ew that word) polyglot sksj (yes i had to google polyglot— i do think learning ancient greek would be super cool tho? like imagine studying latin AND ancient greek, whew). and honestly i don‘t think i‘ll ever be fluent in another language bc i don‘t plan on living anywhere other than germany or possibly england and i‘m not dedicated enough to properly learn any other languages esp if i don‘t have anyone to speak the language with. but i still try my best and i just love language/languages as a whole so yeah i‘m happy & just learning as much as i can dkdjh🥰
(I guess language/linguistics are/is my passion (which sounds sooo lame lmaoooo) and the word passion comes from the latin word pati (i think💀) which means to suffer, and in german passion is called Leidenschaft which basically means suffering too, idk why i‘m telling you this maybe you know it already. but ok dumb fun fact, in german you can make compound words with as many words as you like, and the longest official german word is Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz which is a law for the monitoring of labels on beef... this is such a dumb fact but i think about that word like once a day idk why dodjsjsj so... 👁👄👁)
but i‘ll stop boring you with my linguistics talk because truly i don‘t know much about languages but i am interested omg i‘m gonna shut up now.
now water + sharks. (so in non-covid times i always go to croatia with my dad during the summer, and even before ever watching a shark film i was always kind of scared in water.. but after watching so many shark films wldjdj HELP Like you know when you go deeper into the ocean and you can‘t see or feel the ground/floor? anymore.. then i just start imagining sharks. like i can‘t help it i just imagine a shark sneaking up on me or feeling something graze my foot ABD I JUST START FREAKING OUT SSKJSHSJ. idk. anyway kdkdh i do love the ocean/swimming though but the older i get the more i realise how fucking scary the ocean is ( even if we’re gonna disregard sharks)
your brother... what‘s wrong with him? HOw CAN YOU NOT LIKE MUSIC LIKE WHAT THE FAWK
OKAY BUT SAME ABOUT THE ADORE YOU MUSIC VIDEO DLDKDJSJSKSLSLKSKSJSHSH and yeah i have to say harry’s style (styles lol) as a solo artist isn‘t reaaally my cup of tea, and i only like the popular songs from his second album and the first album is only good when i‘m in the right mood (haven‘t actually listened to it in a while though, but kiwi is one of my all time favourites along with only angel but i hate the start, like it takes 40 seconds to actually begin properly). i like mgk and because of him i watched the dirt which is a film about motley crue, and now one of my favourite songs ever is same ol situation and i‘m into rock now lol. +++ justin bieber. I had a justin bieber cardboard cutout thingy😭 i was the biggest Belieber on earth when i was 13-16, but i didn‘t like his last album and tbh he‘s become a bit weird lately, BUT OH MY GOD. i Listened to his new album yesterday and i‘m in LOVE with the song hold on
i really like niall‘s music toooo!!!! And doja cat 😌😌😌😌 And THE VAMPS OG MY GOD. i got to see them live bc they were the opening/support act for little mix and ajdsjskslslsjsjsj. (Also i love concerts, some of the best memories of my life are concerts, i‘ve seen nicki minaj live 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and justin twice and my heart fills every time i think about how excited i was, it was my first concert ever (16th of September 2016 😌) and i was the happiest person alive seeing justin drew fucking bieber (even if i‘m not tooo sure about justin nowadays)
i have a confession? Idk what hamilton is. I mean I‘ve heard about it and i keep googling it but i‘ve never watched it (is it even a film???? or like a proper musical? also pls tell me you grew up with high school musical. i have a few friends who didn‘t and it makes me so sad 😭😭😭 hsm is the best thing to happen to my childhood , the sooooongs— i still listen to some of them every week or month lool they make me so happy)
(Okay wait i was about to recommend some stormzy songs but you said you‘re not that into rap so i won‘t dksksjl)
What you said about my fic AHSLSLSJB (i wasn‘t sure if you sent an ask about it earlier? idk that might have been someone else, so if it was (and you‘ve read it already) i hope you liked it sksjsj i was...... unsure about it. and i have this reeaaallly long peter fic that i started writing in december and that‘s the only peter thing i currently want to write but also i can‘t because idk how to continue kddjj.) but I’m definitely getting back into writing i have a few blurbs that i want to write so 🥰🥰🥰
Oh and pls as soon as you read this let me know: violet or yellow? (it‘s just a tiny thing for my new theme slsksj)
#lovely anon#BY THE WAY: do not feel bad or apologise for not answering straight away#you can take your time i know it can be exhausting (not bc its anything bad but just because its so much and so long) to answer to my shit#all at once*#so really i don‘t mind if you take a few days or a week or whatever to respond#or if you want to you can respond bit by bit/topic by topic whenever you feel like it#so you don‘t have to concentrate on an ask and my post for like AN HOUR DLSKJ but rather do it in smaller chunks#if you want <3#btw i‘m always so scared that i‘ll type lonely anon instead of lovely dldjdjsksk so if i ever do that i‘m just being#(cue your autocorrect dldkdj) a dumb bitch#its 1 am now sorry if there are any mistakes (i‘ll stop apologing from now now lol but i still am sorry you have to read my word vomit lmao)#*apologis#*from now on#omg
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AM Conversations : chapter 46
A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA
CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45
NOTES:
-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.4k // 4.7k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.
- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!
- note for this chapter: sex was vanilla but i liked it idk lol! i know the Horan & Rose event was in may i just changed it a bit for the story and pushed it to july. this goes downhill from here, sorry :X
PLEASE, i would love to know what you think about Louis and Olivia’s relationship/friendship or what you want to happen or expect to happen to them. he’ll be a LOT more present in the next few chapters so i really need to know.
requests for this chapter! (i suggest you dont read them if you dont want spoilers for this chapter)
Chapter 46 : His chapter
NIALL
After the evening at karaoke, we jumped in my car and drove away. I kept glancing at her, enjoying the large smile on her face and somehow, it made me happy just to see her happy. I watched her hair dance around her face from the wind coming from her window and she moved her purple and pink heart-shaped sunglasses down on her nose, making me smile more.
"No one wear those unironically, by the way." I pointed out just to tease her.
"I do!"
"And it's dark outside." I added, raising my eyebrows.
"I wear them for the style."
She turned to me and sent me a huge smile, making me chuckle and shake my head. I had a hard time to admit it to myself but i was happy with her and I wanted to spend every single minute of my free time with her. The fact that it was mostly what I used to do before we started dating hit me and It made me think of what Louis had said when we met at the bar right after Liv told me how she felt. The only things that really changed was holding hands and having sex... and everything else.
"So where are you taking me?" she asked, moving the window up as we got on the highway.
"You'll see."
"More or less romantic than the gift you gave me this morning?"
I laughed again and licked my lips, glancing at her.
"Cheesier than romantic." I let out after a while.
"Am I gonna like it?"
"Definitely."
The rest of the ride was short enough and when I parked, she started laughing before turning to me again. I loved the way her eyes shined and realizing that I wanted to spend the night cuddling her more than spending it shagging it proved me that I was in it very very deep. I held my breath at the thought and swallowed. She didn't notice and just chuckled before getting out of the car to reach the door. I blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the scary thoughts running in my head, and finally followed her, my eyes roaming on the lodge Harry had rented a few months ago. She stopped in front of the door and stared at me as I unlocked the door and finally pushed on it. Instead to walk in, she waited until I turned to look at her and sent me a fond smile.
"Why did you bring me here, Niall?" she asked in a low tone, tilting her head slightly on the side.
"I know we had fun here, thought it'd be cool to rent it again, spend a few days, just you and I this time." I shrugged as I watched her raise her eyebrows.
I sighed and raised my nose up before shaking my head.
"I just thought we had a few weird memories together here and maybe I want to change them. Maybe I want to make love to you in every damn room and watch the fucking stars all night laying outside in the backyard. With food and wine and a stupid fire." I stared at her a few seconds and sighed again. "I love you, I just want to make you happy."
Her lips curled more and she moved closer to me quickly, getting on her tiptoes and cupping my face. I closed my eyes when her lips pressed against mine and felt one of her hands slip in my hair. I remained motionless until she got back down on her feet but she didn't say a word. She walked inside and I just followed her, closing the door behind us.
I watched her as she took her sunglasses off and put them on the kitchen's table as a bunch of memories rushed to my brain. It was only a few months ago but it felt like it's been forever and watching her in this kitchen again made something in my stomach twist. I got out of my thoughts when I realized she had taken her shirt off and was doing the same thing with her pants but I decided not to move to just enjoy the view.
"The first thing we did when we got here was to jump in the pool in our underwear." she pointed out, taking a step my way and leaving her clothes on the floor. "I had kept my shirt but not today. You were only in your boxers though."
"Oh you remember that?"
"Clearly and vividly." she added, making me smirk. "I remember masturbating to that sight."
The memory of catching her masturbating came to my mind and I felt my whole body throb. I tried to push it away but the next memory that came to my mind was when I woke up in the middle of the night and saw Harry and her completely naked and wet on the side of that same pool and it made me hold my breath. I didn't want to tell her I saw them simply because I didn't want to talk about the relationship she had with him. All I wanted was to spend time with her. Maybe I shouldn't have brought her here, maybe it was a bad idea and maybe i'd spend my time remembering her with Harry but I would try not to.
It was not like me to think about that kind of things or be jealous about ex lovers but when it came to Olivia, I barely recognized myself and it wasn't new. All the weird reactions I had had here when we spent the weekend with our friends were the proofs that even before we started dating, I had reactions that really didn't fit with my personality.
"Come on." she added with a head movement. "Let's go."
I noticed she had placed her arms around herself, hiding her stomach and I wanted to tell her not to do that but she left too quickly and I watched her get in the pool slowly before taking my shirt and pants off too and leaving my shoes and socks by the door.
Instead to walk down the stairs to join her, I decided to just throw myself in the water. When I came out, I smiled at her as she pushed her wet hair away from her face.
"You think you're funny mm?" she asked as I tried to move closer to her.
"I'm hilarious." I let out, making her chuckle.
"Admit it." she started as I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer. "The cheesy thing you had planned was to watch the stars."
"Oh congrats, such a clever girl, pretty sure I mentioned that only a few minutes ago." I joked, rolling my eyes with a smile.
"The lodge was just an excuse. You could as well have brought me camping."
This time I grimaced and her laughter came to my ears in a sweet melody. I didn't want to stress about the future, I was a man of the moment and that's all I wanted to focus on. I knew these doubts and questions would come back eventually, they always seem to, but not today.
"I almost did, I admit." I finally said. "Because i do want to watch the stars with you until morning. But i'm not against a good and warm shower tomorrow."
She laughed and my amused smile turned into a fond one and she smiled back before to move her chin up. The sky was dark and when I glanced up too, I noticed the incredible amount of stars shining from the sky. Her lips curled more and I licked my lips as she was staring up.
"I just want you to have a perfect birthday."
It took her a few seconds but slowly, she looked back down and her eyes found mine.
"It is, Niall." she whispered, bringing both her hands on my cheeks. "It's perfect."
---
I knew that only using a blanket wouldn't be comfortable so I brought a small mattress and a few cushions outside, near the campfire. It took me a bit too long to actually start a fire but when I finally succeeded, I sat with my knees up and my legs spread and it only took a second for her to move between them. I wrapped my arms around her and she leaned her head back on my shoulder, her gaze once again turned up to the sky. Her hair was still damp and a shiver crossed her body as she shook against mine. It only made me hold her tighter and she sighed again, a cute smile gracing her face.
"I just want this forever." she let out in a low tone as I felt her hand on one of my thighs. "You and me together and nothing else."
I remained silent but held my breath without really realizing it. I could feel the warmth of her body on mine, I could feel her hair tickling gently my neck, I could smell her shampoo, the mix of honey and vanilla invading me... and I wanted to tell her that it's what I had planned, too. I wanted to tell her that spending my life with her was not scaring me, that it was exciting me, making me impatient and overjoyed... but I remained silent. I didn't know how it make me feel other than fear and some bad stomach twisting.
"Do you remember how we always used to get on top of my roof and watch the stars?" she finally wondered in a sweet tone.
I felt her hand squeeze my arm gently and I smiled at the memories.
"I do."
"And sometimes you'd bring your guitar and play for me." she added quickly.
"I brought it." I let out, staring at the flames of the fire near us. "And there's a song I want to sing to you."
She moved in my arms and turned slightly to look at me better. After a while, I gave in and looked at her, my eyes roaming on her face. I hadn't really planned to play her my new song, I thought i'd wait until it was finished, but at that exact moment, I really wanted her to hear it. I wanted to bring her into the process of my writing and my music and I was not sure why.
"Go get your guitar!" she urged me with a smile, her eyebrows raised.
I chuckled and quickly got up, running to the car to get it and grabbed the sweater I left on the backseat at the same time. When I came back, she was laying down, her arms under her head staring up at the stars. I stayed motionless a few seconds just looking at her and when she noticed me, her lips curled more and she sat up, turning my way. I handed her my sweater as I sat in front of her and she thanked me before putting it on. I had this fascination with her wearing my clothes and I bit my bottom lip for a few seconds before clearing my throat and letting my fingers run on the strings.
"Okay tell me everything." she asked, moving her legs up and wrapping her arms around her knees. "What's the song about? Are you thinking about a solo career?"
"Maybe." I asked, raising my eyebrows, a bit unsure of her reaction. "What would you say?"
"I'd say you're the most talented person I've ever met and that you should totally go for it."
I chuckled, raising my nose up. "You're a bit biased."
"I'm not." she shrugged, leaning her chin on one of her knees. "I can recognize talent when I see it. You just also happen to be my best friend and the love of my life."
She shrugged again and I smiled more before nodding.
"The song is about you, but also not really." I tried to explain as she frowned. "It's a concept song, but I also wrote it thinking about you and how... i'd feel without you."
She stared at me a few minutes and tilted her head, squinting a bit before licking her lips. I knew she was curious and I knew my words didn't really make sense but after a while, she pressed her lips together and nodded.
"You know, you don't have to write about me." she pointed out in a low tine. "I don't want you to feel like you have to write songs about me if you don't feel like it."
I felt my heart melt a bit at her words and bent closer to her, raising my eyebrows.
"I want to." I let out just as low. "I have to. I can't help it."
She ended up nodding again after a while and I tried to focus on my fingers as I started singing.
"Waking up to kiss you and nobody's there The smell of your perfume still stuck in the air It's hard
Yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running 'round It's funny how things never change in this old town So far From the stars
And I want to tell you everything The words I never got to say the first time around And I remember everything From when we were the children playing in this fairground Wish I was there with you now
If the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you Drive highways and byways to be there with you Over and over the only truth Everything comes back to you Mmmmm
I saw that you moved on with someone new In the pub that we met he's got his arms around you It's so hard So hard
And I want to tell you everything The words I never got to say the first time around And I remember everything From when we were the children playing in this fairground Wish I was there with you now
'Cause if the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you Drive highways and byways to be there with you Over and over the only truth Everything comes back to you
You still make me nervous when you walk in the room Them butterflies—they come alive when I'm next to you Over and over the only truth Everything comes back to you
And I know that it's wrong That I can't move on But there's something 'bout you
'Cause if the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you Drive highways and byways to be there with you Over and over the only truth Everything comes back to you
You still make me nervous when you walk in the room Them butterflies—they come alive when I'm next to you Over and over the only truth Everything comes back to you Mmmm Everything comes back to you Mmmm"
When I ended the song, all I could hear was the thumping of my heart against my chest. I looked at her and she looked back at me in a way I couldn't decipher. I hadn't realized before this exact moment how desperate I was for her approval and how much her opinion meant to me. She let go of her knees and crossed her legs. Her hands were hidden in the sleeves of my sweater that she was wearing and she glanced down before quickly looking up in my eyes, licking her lips.
"Which parts are about me?"
I hadn't expected this question and instead to enumerate all the parts of the song that I wrote thinking about her, I let out the only thing that felt completely true to me.
"'Everything comes back to you,'"
Her traits softened and she sent me a small smile, blinking a few times.
"I'll never leave you, I hope you know that. I'll never find someone new. It was always you, Niall, and it will always be you."
-----
Most of july had been quite warm and now that it was almost over, I tried to enjoy it as much as I could. I was about to get into recording a few songs, working on an album and promoting it. Still, I had wanted to work on the Horan and Rose event even if I knew I was about to be very busy. For the very first time, I had brought Olivia as my official date, which was not something very usual for me or for her, but I had insisted a bit and she had given in.
It was late when we got back and maybe we had drank a bit more than intended but still not enough to be drunk, just to be slightly tipsy. She laughed at all my jokes and for some reason, it made me feel good.
"Although very beautiful, that dress is fuckin' uncomfortable." she admitted as we stepped foot inside. "And the shoes are even worse."
It had taken her an eternity to pick a dress even if I thought she looked amazing in every single one she tried on.
"You're such a softie." I joked with a laugh.
"A girl has the right to enjoy her sweatpants, can't she?"
"Such a hypocrite!" I laughed again. "You love when I wear a suit!"
She smirked and turned to me, taking a few steps my way as she nibbled on her bottom lip.
"I do. And when you wear sweatpants too. Oh, and golf pants, they help showing how incredible your ass is."
I laughed again and bent down to press my lips against hers.
"I'll remember that." I winked, making her chuckle.
"As if you didn't already know that!"
I watched her get upstairs and quickly followed her. My hands found her waist as soon as I reached her and I bent down slightly to kiss her neck. I would rarely see her with her hair up but she looked pretty and I smiled when a few tiny hairs coming out of her ponytail tickled my nose.
"Niall James Horan, are you trying to get in my pants?"
I laughed and shook my head, making her tilt hers on the side. I let my lips run on her skin again and I could swear I heard her whimper.
"More like under your dress."
She laughed lightly and turned around in my arms. Seeing her smile made mine grow and I moved forward, obliging her to take a few steps back as my hands reached for the zipper of her dress. I slowly moved it down and she smiled more.
"Are you gonna keep your suit on?" she asked, her cute smile turning into a smirk.
"Not all night, no." I smiled too.
"No I meant, are you gonna keep your suit on while I ride you?"
My eyes roamed on her face and I knew she could see all the lust I felt in the way I was looking at her. She took a step back and I kept silent as she pulled on her dress. She stood in front of me in her underwear and even if I knew she felt self-conscious, I couldn't help but let my eyes travel on her body slowly, catching every curve. I ended up smiling more and decided to sit on my bench, smirking when I remembered there was a mirror right on front of it.
She licked her lips again and reached for the tie in her hair, sliding it down her ponytail gently. Her hair fell in a cascade over her shoulders and the pink on her cheeks made me want to be rough with her.
"Come here." I let out. "And get on your knees, petal."
Slowly, she did what I asked and when I felt her hand wrap around my cock, I breathed through my teeth. I looked at her back in the mirror and reached around her to unclasp her bra. Her mouth on my growing cock felt incredible and her pace didn't falter at all when I gripped her hair to help her head move up and down. The way her tongue and lips moved on me made me want to thrust deeper in her mouth until I came and I felt one of my legs shake at how close I already was.
"Get up and straddle me."
I let go on the air I was holding when she stopped touching me and I watched her get up and take her panties off. She was naked and I was still completely dressed, making her look suddenly more vulnerable than I thought was possible. Slowly, she put her knees on each side of me and sat on my lap. Her lips reached mine and I quickly deepened the kiss to taste her.
"Get up on your knees, pet." I whispered. "I want to touch you."
Keeping her lips against mine, she did what I asked and I quickly slipped one of my hands between her legs. She twitched when it rubbed gently on her clit and I smiled more. I slid two fingers inside her, making her moan in my mouth, but remained motionless for a few seconds.
"Fuck yourself on my fingers. Do it like it's my cock."
She didn't make me tell her twice and started bouncing on my fingers, coating them quickly and making me groan low. Her moans were getting louder and she shook her head to push her hair behind her shoulders. Watching her all fucked like that made me even harder and without thinking, I took my fingers away and grabbed her waist, pushing her down on me. Her skin was burning on my palms and I pressed my fingers more against her skin, hoping it would leave an imprint on her.
"Jesus christ." I let out when I was completely inside her, "Fuck me petal, do it."
She quivered lightly but just started moving over me again as I let go of her to give her full control. I felt my cock slip in and out of her fast and hard and every single time I was balls deep inside her, I could feel her clench around me. I tried to keep my hands to myself, just watching her breasts move right in front of my face but after a while, I couldn't resist.
"You feel so fucking good." I let out with a short moan, bringing my hand to her chest. "I love when you do exactly what I ask you."
Swiftly, I slapped one of her breasts, making her moan and shake over me.
"Don't stop," I ordered, spanking her hard before slapping her breast again. "Keep riding me."
Seeing her ride me was incredible but the pleasure was multiplied whenever I would glance at the mirror, watching her also from behind, her body bouncing and shaking at the same time. I moved closer and ran my lips on her shoulder as she kept fucking herself on me. I sucked a few spots as I ran my hands on her waist and breasts and when I felt her fingers slip in my hair to grip it tight, I let out a moan.
"Niall, I'm gonna cum." her voice came to me in a mix of a whisper and a whimper and when her body started jerking over mine, I felt her clench hard around me, making me reach my orgasm too.
I grabbed her waist and pushed her hard against me as I moved my hips up to feel myself as deep as possible inside her. I let out a few curse words and when my name escaped her lips again in a moan, I felt myself get dizzy from the feeling. We were both a panting mess and she brought her parted lips to mine. We kissed very slowly as I let my fingertips run on her burning skin until we both came down from out high.
"Thanks for inviting me tonight." she said shyly after pulling away, nibbling on her bottom lip. "I know you had to insist a lot, but i'm glad you did."
"T'was my pleasure."
She sent me a fond smile and finally got off of me before staring at me and tilting her head. I tucked my cock back in my boxers and ran my fingers through my now messy hair.
"How hot was it to be dressed while I was completely naked?" she asked, making me laugh.
"The truth? Very hot." She grimaced and I laughed more. "Come on, go get those damn sweatpants."
She laughed as she left the room and I decided to go back downstairs to grab water bottles for both of us. I saw the tags of her dress we had left on the counter since we were in a hurry and threw them in the bin but what I saw made me stop all movements. I bent down to grab the box laying there and I could swear my heart stopped beating. It was impossible, we had been cautious, right? She was on the contraceptive pills, wasn't she? Then why did she felt the need to get a pregnancy test without even telling me. In an impulse, I searched through the bin to find the white stick that would tell me the result and when I realized my search was useless, I just ran back upstairs.
"I decided on your oldest pair of sweatpants, I hope it's okay." she let out as she turned around, probably hearing me rush in the room.
Her face immediately changed when she noticed what i was holding and her lips parted. I could read fear in her eyes and she shook her head slightly.
"It's not what you think..."
"You're pregnant?"
I barely even realized that these words came out of my mouth and as soon as I let them out, time seemed to stop. My whole body was throbbing with fear and so many thoughts rushed to my brain that I could barely think.
"No!"
I thought that i'd feel relieved when I would hear that word but my body was still tensed, my hand gripping the box so tight it started hurting.
"No, Niall, of course not!" she took a step my way. "I would have told you."
"Really? Because you didn't tell me you thought you could be."
Her face changed and she frowned, looking down. I knew she felt guilty but I couldn't seem to feel bad for her at that exact moment.
"I woke up one day, realized I was late, bought a test and did it. It was negative so I thought hey, no big deal." she explained with a shrug before looking back up in my eyes. "It's not like I waited weeks or anything, it was all in the span of a few hours and you were out."
Realizing I had kept my air in, I exhaled slowly, trying to relax my body and finally closed my eyes before rubbing them. I didn't want to be mad at her and if I wanted to be honest, it was a bit wrong of me to be mad anyway. I knew she just wanted to spare me the stress, I just wasn't sure I liked that we kept things from each other.
"If this happens again, I want to know, even if it's negative."
She nodded and I sighed again, walking up to her and taking her in my arms. We hugged for a few seconds and I finally moved back.
"Let's just sleep."
I walked to the bathroom and brushed my teeth before getting undressed and throwing my dirty clothes in the laundry basket. When I came back, the lights were off and she was already laying down in bed. I walked up to her and sat on the mattress,noticing the frame on the bedside table with our young faces on it. I smiled despite myself, not being able to read the little card placed in the corner but knowing exactly what was written on it.
"I love you, Olivia."
I felt her move behind me and closed my eyes when I felt her chest press against my bare back. She leaned her chin on my shoulder and I felt a shiver cross my back.
"I love you too, Niall." she murmured. "I'm so sorry."
#niall horan#niall horan smut#niall horan fluff#niall horan story#niall horan fanfic#niall horan fan fic#niall horan fanfiction#niall horan fan fiction#niall horan writing#my fanfic#amc#enjoy this moment of happiness#you really should#trust me#PLEASE READ THE NOTES? I NEED YOUR OPINION THANK YOU
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@waterlord asked for A quick & easy plotting guide !!
alright alright alright !!! since you said any muse , i kinda went HAM !! i ended up choosing a bunch & i could go on but i don ’ t wanna overwhelm you with these whacky ideas . i also added mini plots at the bottom of each plotting guide thing . all under the read more !!
My muse(s): rui
Do I know your muse(s): yes | no | a little | tell me more about your muse
Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other | combined verse
Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship
Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other
I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other
Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests
mini plots / ideas :
- i’m really feeling the idea of rui & kiri becoming friends or at least friendly with each other , but that’s something i find happening after a long period of time .
- as a twelve kizuki , it’s known that rui gets a lot more freedom than average demons - so i think he’ll take full advantage of that & ‘ decide ‘ on whether or not he’ll let muzan know about him ( or at least decide on whether he wants to bring him to muzan ) . since muzan see’s everything he does , he is kinda already aware of kiri but he has his priorities elsewhere , so he leaves him to rui
- rui will ( maybe - just a thought ) , may be sensitive to kiri’s abilities or magic ( his gentle & calm nature ) considering most demons with a lot of power can sense certain things about a person ( like whether or not a person is a hashira or has abilities like one ) . he’d feel at ease around him , but this may be odd for him at first . since muzan has a tight grip on the kizuki ( as you know ) his memories are gone but this comfort makes rui feel whole in a way - like he found what he’s missing , or at least found the warm feeling he’s missing , not the concept ( the family ) . the memories of what he’s longing for might start to become invasive , forcing him to confront his past as a human .
- considering kiri is very in tune with humanity given he’s the only omni lord to live among humans as if to be one himself , i can see him finding rui to be very very ‘unpleasant’ to put it lightly . he’d most likely be disturbed by the fact that he eats humans and that there are plenty more demons out there that do this . what compels kiri to further engage with him ( ? ) , many things could ; like wanting to stop him from killing more people , eventually leading kiri to find out that he was once human and that other demons are the same way .
- after finding out , i can see kiri being sympathetic but still not forgiving him for what he’s done . maybe he’ll want to put an end to the man that started it all . plenty of other things can happen as well !!!
My muse(s): muzan kibutsuji
Do I know your muse(s): yes | no | a little | tell me more about your muse
Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other | combined verse
Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship
Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other
I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other
Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests
mini plots / ideas :
- oooof !! ( YES YES YES YES !! ) idk , kinda excited about the idea of muzan coming across something that ( i believe ) would be more powerful than him — especially since kiri’s status as an omni lord is incredibly otherworldly . it’ll be far too much for muzan to comprehend at first , i think he’ll be puzzled with kiri’s existence ... then possibly want to eat him up ( nah nah nah , i won’t let that happen ) !! but he’d be curious as to what eating an omni lead might lead to .
- he’ll most likely want to collect information from kiri about other worlds , other beings & the like . he might even view him as an equal , encouraging kiri to assist him in his journey to become the perfect being .
- while kiri is often depicted as gentle by nature i can see him being enraged by muzan to the fullest . i think it’d be nice to see kiri out in a situation where he’s fact to face with pure unforgiving evil . how would he confront this without gao —- i’d love to explore this idea .
- also , i think muzan being around joker would be funny . he wouldn't attack him or anything ( mostly out of respect for kiri ) but he’d be soooooo annoyed with him .
My muse(s): zenitsu agatsuma
Do I know your muse(s): yes | no | a little | tell me more about your muse
Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other | combined verse
Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship
Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other
I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other
Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests
mini plots / ideas :
- this one would be very funny . now , i’m sure kiri isn’t used to being the one who people hide behind , but with zenitsu that would change . i think they would be a strange mix but something really fun to explore .
- kiri would have to put up with zenitsu’s screams of terror , lol . he’ll definitely be the voice of reason between the two of them & i can see kiri consoling zenitsu a lot . having kiri taking charge in their relationship is something i can see him being capable of . & while zenitsu is as well ( sometimes ) , there definitely some moments where he is too fearful to . in these moments kiri could be there to help him out .
- i think they can balance each other out & encourage each other through tough times . in times where kiri’s in distress & needs some support . zenitsu will definitely be there for him in these times & i think it’d be really sweet .
My muse(s): tanjiro kamado
Do I know your muse(s): yes | no | a little | tell me more about your muse
Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other | combined verse
Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship
Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other
I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other
Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests
mini plots / ideas :
- the sweetest boys becoming friends !!!??? HELL YEA BUDDY !!! imagining these two becoming friends would be the best thing ever .
- i really like the idea of the two hanging out during the night with nezuko & joker & just chilling , since tanjiro loves introducing his sister to new people . tanjiro & nezuko would be fascinated with joker . if this were a combined universe , i think tanjiro would love to participate in buddyfights with kiri . also , if there were any monsters that came to earth illegally , he’d be like ‘ kiri , we gotta do something about this - we have no time to wait for the buddy police !! ‘
- tanjiro would be very supportive of kiri in everyway . he thinks he has a very pleasant scent -- a scent of a really kind & gentle person , something that is hard to come by in most people ( well , it would be vey unique considering he isn’t human after all ) . i can see him treating kiri like a little brother , giving him head rubs n all that . even after finding out his true identity !! also ,,, if anyone dares harm or talk badly about him , tanjiro will headbutt them !!!!
My muse(s): giyu tomioka
Do I know your muse(s): yes | no | a little | tell me more about your muse
Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other | combined verse
Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship
Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other
I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other
Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests
mini plots / ideas :
- giyu needs some fucking friends -- he really does . this poor mans is the only hashira without a pet ( even sanemi has a pet - that scary looking fella ) cuz animals don’t even like him , lol .
- seriously though , giyu would be grateful to have kiri as a pal , or mentor him in a way . he’d be reluctant at first cuz he’s not much of a talker , but since kiri doesn’t have an overwhelming personality , i think he’d warm up to him very easily . giyu would probably hint at the thought of kiri joining the corps just so he could take his place as water hashira cuz he’s an emotionally tired boy .
- also , with joker , i think giyu would be slightly irritated with how much he talks , but if he ever referred to him as a friend giyu would be very happy — accepting his talkative personality & warm up to it .
My muse(s): carmen sandiego
Do I know your muse(s): yes | no | a little | tell me more about your muse
Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other | combined verse
Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship
Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other
I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other
Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests
mini plots / ideas :
- i had a strange idea -- hear me out !! carmen is known for stealing stolen artifacts from thieves & bringing them back to their rightful owners . since buddyfight has a lot of criminals in the series , why not have her help out in intercepting these crimes . it could even be a crime committed by the grim reaper .
- i don’t usually do pre established things ( & you can opt out of this if you’d like of course - or add something else to it too ) but what if carmen met kiri while she was in the middle of a caper . they briefly spoke & got to the bottom of that crime ( could be something involving aibo ) then parted ways . then in the future , they meet again , but kiri is now the grime reaper & stealing from other buddyfighters ???? idk , just a thought i’m throwing out there .
My muse(s): shirou fubuki
Do I know your muse(s): yes | no | a little | tell me more about your muse
Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other | combined verse
Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship
Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other
I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other
Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests
mini plots / ideas :
- there are plenty of angst that could take place between these two . shirou & kiri both share the fear of losing the people they care about . in shirou’s case , it’s because he lost his family after an avalanche hit their car while they ascended a snowy mountain . his parents , along side his younger twin brother ( who he often relied on ) died . because of this incident , shirou developed ptsd & did . i’d really like for these two to find comfort in each other . also ,,, shirou would love to play soccer with kiri & do a whole bunch of snow related things like ; snow boarding & having snow fights !!
My muse(s): shinobu kocho
Do I know your muse(s): yes | no | a little | tell me more about your muse
Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other | combined verse
Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship
Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other
I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other
Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests
mini plots / ideas :
- hoooooooo boy !!! i really would like the idea of shinobu taking on a sisterly figure towards kiri . she has a soft spot for those in need & people with kind hearts . since kiri has been on earth for years , i was feeling that this plot could take place during the events of demon slayer ( or not , i’m up for anything ) . i think she would definitely take him into the butterfly estate & care for him . also .... kiri with a cute butterfly hair clip would give me life !!!!
- don’t want to get too into the ideas i have for this one because it does cross spoiler territory & i don’t want to spoil kny for you !!! just shooting my shot at this idea if you were down !!!
concluding thoughts !!!
oh boy ! i wrote a bunch — i just got excited i guess , lol . i’m glad i was given the opportunity to just spew a whole bunch of random plots at you ! thanks a bunch for letting me ! 10/10 mvp right here !! i could go on , but i won’t — i will not do that , lol ( i can’t help myself ) . exploring things that aren’t in canon is so fun for me & i love it !!! you are the bomb & i enjoy writing with you & i love how much effort you put into kiri !! it’s truly a blessing to see your posts on my dash <3333 !!!
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what do people think of all this? i very literally have the coronavirus right now and i’m really feeling all this cold medicine, but this situation here is quite something and i’d love to know people’s thoughts:
note: i’ve never posted anything like this before and don’t intend to ever again
i’m not saying any names or urls, and if you somehow know who this is about, please don’t do anything to them or send them any hate or anything. this isn’t an expose thread or a call to start drama - it’s like a diary entry and a way for me to talk out my feelings.
i have a friend on here who i used to talk to literally every single day, and i haven’t heard from her in a while. i went to message her to see if she was okay and found out she blocked me.
our last conversation was about how hurt my feelings were because of some things she did (described below) and she apologized a bunch and called herself an asshole, and i tried to comfort her and say no she’s not bad or anything like that. she stopped responding and then a week passed, and today i went to message her and saw that i was blocked.
so, i was upset because:
i’ve wrote her a 12k word fic in early january. i sent her the first half of it and asked if she would read it, not beta it, just tell me if she liked it. she was excited and said she was looking forward to reading it. she kept being like “i’ll read it tomorrow! i’ll read it this weekend!!! i’ll read it in a few days!!!” ........ for literally TWO (2) MONTHS. i know that she’s busy and i would’ve been fine if she told me she was too busy to read it. but she kept stringing me along and lying i guess? i didn’t say i thought she was lying, and i didn’t think she was lying, but last week i did say my feelings were hurt that it’s literally been this long and nothing’s happened. she could’ve said she didn’t want to read it or that she was too busy to read it, but she got my hopes up and then slowly let me down over and over
i made her some edits specific to her interests. she loves “elf namjoon” and so i made her edits of namjoon with elf ears. each one takes at least an hour to edit and get it just right. i posted a couple of them in one post and sent it to her. she didn’t like it or reblog it, just told me privately that she liked it and that’s it. she doesn’t have to do anything, but that hurt my feelings a lot, you know? if someone spent hours making something specifically for me, i personally would be very excited and appreciative, even if i hated it. i know it doesn’t actually matter and i feel stupid for caring about this, but idk
i was also going to write her an elf namjoon fanfiction. i wrote part of it as well as an outline, maybe 2k words at most. again, she didn’t read it even when she said she would and said she was excited to. i told her about all the things i tried to include, things specific to her interests and kinks and stuff, but again, nothing
i wasn’t angry or anything like that at all - i just wanted her to know how i felt because it had been building up for months at this point and i knew she didn’t mean anything bad or have any ill-intent. i was mostly just confused and hurt and wanted to talk it out. was she ignoring me because she was too nice to say she hates me? was something else going on? i just wanted her to be honest, and i wanted her to know my feelings were hurt.
this was her response when i said i was upset about all that:
and then i apologized and said i shouldn’t have said anything. my feelings were hurt, but she’s stressed and so busy, and i should’ve kept it to myself. it’s just fanfiction and some edits, it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
and then she blocked me. that apology was the last thing she said to me.
now, she’s on her blog making posts about how she needs to remember that tumblr has “more amazing people than bad” and that a couple people on here are causing her to be more anxious, and that she feels like she “can’t do right” by anyone. saying all of this *publicly* on her blog.
she’s been under a lot of stress lately with work and i’ve tried for months talking to her about things, listening to her when she was anxious, being as patient and understanding as possible, etc. we’ve talked about her new job a lot and how anxious it makes her. and my whole life, when people around me are upset, i try to make them things to cheer them up, in addition to talking to them. i think that’s what i was trying to do with the fics, and i know that was actively what i was trying to do with the edits. i wanted to cheer her up and make something she’d like, and she ignored it. we went from talking almost every day to only talking on the weekends to barely talking at all, and that was fine - i was okay with that, because i knew she was very busy, she was barely online. but i’m just so confused by everything she does and how she acts.
a few months ago, back around october, i was having panic attacks almost daily, and this was when she and i were talking almost every day, before her new job. she never put in even a quarter the effort i later attempted to - she wasn’t there for me, she didn’t attempt to help, she didn’t really try to talk to me or anything when i told her how upset i was. i wasn’t sharing all that much because i didn’t want to be a burden, but i was trying to send “cries for help” to a lot of people. she did talk to me some, but it was more like “lol same” than actual help or talking - but when it was the opposite and she told me how upset and anxious she was constantly, i tried to do everything i could to help her.
i didn’t expect her to help me then. nobody has to help anyone if they don’t want to, but now looking back, with all of this combined, i feel like she never even cared about me as a human being and that i don’t matter to her and never did. i’m subhuman and evil for having feelings, even when i wanted to help her feel better and talk to her, because her feelings are all that matter. if someone else has emotions, she cuts them out of her life because only she matters i guess.
i would’ve loved to talk this out with her, even after everything she’s done, but i have no way of contacting her. so i decided to write out everything here and get some other people’s unbiased perspectives.
so, what do people think of this situation?
edit:
a few people have pointed out that they think she was being sarcastic in her apology. does anyone else think that?
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i reactivated my facebook for a second to find a picture of something and then of course i saw pictures of sam with a bunch of people including this girl he slept with when we were in an “open relationship” - brought back memories (2 years ago) of Wow, i was so dUMB and fucking naïve to agree to an open relationship in the first place, did i really want to be “the chill gf who never gets mad” THAT bad?? i really thought that i wouldn’t care if my boyfriend slept with other people while we were apart for 4 months? i really thought that i, the most monogamous person ever, would wanna sleep with other random people too? i srsly did not see the reality of the situation, which was that my bf didn’t think he could go without sex for 4 fuckin months and wanted to just get with other people even though he claimed he loved me sooooo much and wanted to be ONLY with me lmao. that still hurts me OMG! thinking about that, how it hurt me for so long but i “couldn’t get mad” about it because i AGREED to that shit after all, so my anger and hurt was pushed away, hidden, and it simmered for months and months. oh, and then even after i TOLD him i was still angry that he did that, i found out he still kept in touch with her pretty regularly and (half jokingly) offered to help her pay for flights to come visit us in vietnam! but i never brought up that i knew that because i did go through his fb messages when he wasn’t home! but yeah that whole thing led to sooo many problems because i just felt like i didn’t have the real right to be angry about it and my feelings weren’t valid and i wasn’t being a chill girlfriend but yeah omg so much resentment. i hATE how much men want sex and it’s literally all they fuckin ever think about!
well so obvi i got this rush of anger when i saw the pictures on fb today. but then i’m like, who the fuck even cares anymore. he knows he hurt me, we are not together anymore, it’s his life and he can hang out with and sleep with whoever he wants. there is literally no point in being resentful. i used to feel sooo self conscious and bad about myself because i knew he had been with wayyyy more people than i had, like he was popular with girls even in high school whereas i didn’t even know how to speak to a boy til i was at least 18 lol. idk why that made me feel so inadequate all the time but it really did. but now i am loving the way i am. truly! i am so interesting, exciting, goofy, funny, weird. oh and i don’t have time for people who can’t keep up with me. not anymore! i don’t need to waste my time resenting other people. i learned my lessons and here i am now, thriving! learning to be confident again. it’s okay to say how i feel, what i want, stand up for myself. i am slowly putting this into practice after my whole childhood taught me it’s better to just fade into the background and be quiet, but i am learning and learning!
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ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONS IN THE UNUSUAL ASK GAME, YOU COWARD.
First of all:
Second, questions under the cut:
Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? - Spotify! all the way. i hoarse my bf’s account so he can never listen but i don’t care it’s mine now it’s full of my music and my playlists and whenever i’m listening to it and it suddenly changes cause he tries to use it on his phone I call him, “are you using spotify?” “oh. i mean i can listen to something else?” “cool, thanks!” and i get my music back. :D
is your room messy or clean? - it’s somewhere in between. my actual ROOM (bed room, i assume) is pretty clean, except i never make the bed. but the house is .. a work in progress. it’s not dirty but it’s cluttered so my bf and I are having to work together to clear that and build shelves and stuff for more storage space.
what color are your eyes? - dark brown! (with little green flecks when I cry)
do you like your name? why? - Not really? i don’t hate it. My mom wanted to name me Savannah but they had her sign the certificate while she was still drugged from her c-section so it ended up as Crystal?? Idk. She named her dolls Crystal when she was a kid.
what is your relationship status? - dating for almost six years.
how many times a week do you shower? uhhh idk. I don’t shower every day (unless i get gross). AT LEAST four times… but I don’t wash my hair every time cause that’s bad for my hair. I SHOWER WHEN I AM DIRTY.
favorite tv show? does Haikyuu!! count? that’s probably a given. HM. Well, we don’t have cable so I don’t watch a lot of NEW shows? …. OH. Duh. Fuckin me I’m a dumbass. Bob’s Burgers. I literally have it on ALL THE TIME. I don’t like silence so it’s ALWAYS on in the background if i’m not listening to music. I’ve seen every episode a zillion times. I can usually pinpoint every scene and the major lines/jokes.
shoe size? most brands it’s 5 1/2
how tall are you? SHORTER THAN NISHINOYA BUT TALLER THAN YACHI. I’m like… 5ft-5’1 depending on how much my back hurts. (i used that earlier and someone said it was funny and i’m trash so i’ll repeat it here!)
sandals or sneakers? i wear Bobs LOL. (knock off toms) and i’ve got one pair of sneakers and sometimes I wear my ballet flats around even though my bf says they look dumb fuck u they’re comfy.
do you go to the gym? No. I used to, but where I live now it’d be like a 45 min drive. I don’t really LIKE gyms though? working out is boring to me. No matter how hard I try. I’d love to start dancing again for real.
describe your dream date - April 25th because it’s not too cold and not too hot. Okay but jk that’s a lie where I live it’s balls hot in april. Idk. I’d like to go hiking when it’s not very hot? Take my dog, let her run around. Take a picnic. Sit in a grassy field and talk about dumb shit cause we know each other’s dreams and hopes by now.
how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? UHM. fuck like…. $27? i know there’s a twenty and a handful of ones. And a handful of change.
what color socks are you wearing? - NONE. MY FEET ARE COLD. FOREVER COLD.
how many pillows do you sleep with? - pft like 6.
do you have a job? what do you do? - No; I quit after being over worked, under appreciated, cheated out of my paychecks a few times, and no job still due to lingering health issues.
how many friends do you have? answered this already!
whats the worst thing you have ever done? - UHM. Idk i haven’t murdered anyone. I don’t like this question cause if i really try to answer it i’ll spiral into a frustrated, furious depression and self-hatred so… NOPE.
whats your favorite candle scent? i’ve got this candle i got from etsy that’s like… Scottish Highlands? It’s grassy and kinda MAGICY.
3 favorite boy names - i don’t really have favorite names?
3 favorite girl names - answered already
favorite actor? god idk. i’m so bad with names and celebrities. uhm. I really like don’t have a favorite. I LIKE a bunch. Benedict Cumberbatch; Freddie Highmore… uhm. uh. Hugh Laurie?
favorite actress? IDK OKAY?? I LIKE a bunch but i don’t favorite?? I really like Gwendoline Christie. Uhm. Anne Hathaway makes me laugh. MAGGIE SMITH. how could i forget!??!
who is your celebrity crush? I LEGIT don’t have one.
favorite movie? CLUE takes the top spot most days.
do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I used to read a lot more. The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt
money or brains? personality, bitch.
do you have a nickname? what is it? not *really* but people online used to call me Chrys. My bf calls me ‘sweetie’ sometimes but he also calls the dog that so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
how many times have you been to the hospital? - uhm. like the er? Once when I broke my arm. Doc in the box? Not since 2017.
top 10 favorite songs - PFT. Uhm. Jesus just let me die a little. Excluding all Disney; Not in any order:
No One - Biometrix
Danser - Lisandro Cuxi
A Single Moment of Sincerity (E) - Asking Alexandria (the band I was listening to when I designed my rockstar MC that I love so much)
The Annabel Trilogy (a series of 3 albums) - Alesana. Can’t pick a single song because they’re all a part of a huge story. Listen to them.
Chucky vs. The Giant Tortoise - Dance Gavin Dance
Anticoagulant - Sianvar
Ohioisonfire - Of Mice & Men
Coincidance - Handsome Dancer (Watch the Video for the love of god. THANKS ASH FOR THIS GEM)
Devil’s Backbone - The Civil Wars
Still Here - Digital Daggers (i’ve been listening it to a lot for inspiration for a new AU so… yup. That’s gonna be fun and painful)
do you take any medications daily? - yup
what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) - i got dry ass skin it sucks
what is your biggest fear? - uhm… physical fear? idk. Heights is a big one that I developed? I used to not care but a while ago I was walking on a bridge and I just… looked over and got FUCKING DIZZZY with nausea and fear that I was gonna fall and almost fainted.
how many kids do you want? - HONESTLY… one or two.
whats your go to hair style? - tried to brush but gave up so just threw it in a claw clip
what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) - moderate? one story, four bedrooms. big ass yard though for the dog
who is your role model? - I don’t really have one.
what was the last compliment you received? - answered already
what was the last text you sent? - actual TEXT message? ‘as long as there’s someone with her overnight she’ll be okay during the day cause of the dog door and stuff. just play with her before you go to work and maybe hide some treats around the house for her to hunt for’ - texting my friend that’s gonna house sit while we go on a family vacation soon.
how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? - UH idk the age? i know I saw my mom writing scavenger cards though. My fam has never had a lot of money so to make Christmas more interesting my mom/grandparents (we lived with them till I was in 3rd grade) would make these elaborate scavenger hunts for me and my cousins to do to find our presents around the house or out in the barn or, on one memorable occasion, at the bottom of our pool! Good memories.
what is your dream car? - one that RUNS and has badass AC and speakers
opinion on smoking? - hate it. please don’t do it around me. my bf’s family alllllll smoke all the time and i get so sick when i have to go on vacation with them and be around it for a long time.
do you go to college? - i DID. I went to Culinary school and majored in Baking & Pastry
what is your dream job? - Author or Dog Trainer
would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? - rural as all hell. give me trees, cows, and horses.
do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Not usually? but usually the people i’m with do.
do you have freckles? Not on my face (except one) but i’ve got more like… on my arms and just randomly all over but i dont think ‘freckles’ would be what anyone thinks of when they think of me
do you smile for pictures? - only if i’m forced to be in them
how many pictures do you have on your phone? - HAHAHAHAHAHA. Well. Before I got my new phone it was over 10k. Now though its only about 2k.
have you ever peed in the woods? - Only when I was camping.
do you still watch cartoons? - ALL THE GODDAMN TIME
do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? - neither. but i HATE WENDYS and can tolerate McD’s fries and they’ve got ballin’ sweet tea so I guess McD.
Favorite dipping sauce? this honey dijon creamy thing at my favorite French restaurant but idk what is is.
what do you wear to bed? - t-shirt
have you ever won a spelling bee? - YUP. 2nd grade.
what are your hobbies? - writing, crocheting, photography, reading, uh… i forget what else
can you draw? when i was doing it all the time i did ok? but i’m WAY TOO IMPATIENT now a days to do it.
do you play an instrument? - no but i wish i did :(
what was the last concert you saw? - i’ve never been to a concert. crowds are icky
tea or coffee? - tea!
Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? - already answered this
do you want to get married? - Yes pls
what is your crush’s first and last initial? - (bf, but I suppose i still have a crush on him? is love considered a crush?) J. Y.
are you going to change your last name when you get married? god yes. my current last name is my shitbag of a sperm doner and i hate it. my mom kept it after they divorced only cause she thought her maiden name would be too hard for me to spell but i would give anything to have that name instead
what color looks best on you? - idk. i prefer black but i’ve been told green and certain shades of pink/yellow.
do you miss anyone right now? - not until i thought about it, thanks
do you sleep with your door open or closed? open so my pupper can go in and out
do you believe in ghosts? not until i’m faced with darkness and creepy things
what is your biggest pet peeve? people chewing their food loud. people not picking up after themselves. people interrupting me (but not in the excited, OMG way. that we can work though) but in the ‘i don’t care what you’re saying i’m going to talk now’ way
last person you called` - my bf to discuss plans for his brother’s bday
favorite ice cream flavor? cookies n’ cream!
regular oreos or golden oreos? DOUBLE STUFF OF EITHER
chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? FUCK SPRINKLES
what shirt are you wearing? a shirt that has my dog’s face on it :D
what is your phone background? - the art that Ash drew of Bokuto from my fic Just a Taste!!
are you outgoing or shy? - i hate talking to strangers but with my friends i’m pretty fucking loud and chatty
do you like it when people play with your hair? only people i know
do you like your neighbors? nope. he’s an asshole who neglected his dog and i wanna skin him alive
do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? i do my best to remember to do it at night but i always do it when i shower
have you ever been high? yup.
have you ever been drunk? yup
last thing you ate? BIRTHDAY CAKE
favorite lyrics right now - idk? i guess the first lyrics that came to mind, even though they’re not my favorite, just ones that i like and were stuck in my head for a while: “All of the handsome fiction / will melt away / and when the flame burns brighter / Evaporate” Evaporate - Dance Gavin Dance
summer or winter? WINTER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. IT’S SO FUCKING HOT IN SUMMER I DIE EVERY DAY
day or night? both have their merits
dark, milk, or white chocolate? - all chocolate but i prefer white to just EAT.
favorite month? uhm. uhh. November maybe? for NaNoWriMo.
what is your zodiac sign - pftt.. i think i used to be a Gemini? i don’t believe in all that stuff
who was the last person you cried in front of? - ….. my dog? but probably my mom and Grandmother when my GM basically said my bf didn’t love me and was a shit human being and i was a shit granddaughter for loving him. i was both upset and furious and i walked away from them. (my mom called and apologized, but i haven’t spoken to my GM since)
THERE ASH ARE YOU GODDAMN HAPPY. that took so long LOL (I hope the formatting came through I had to redo it on this tumblr page UGH)
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@crimsonxblur continued from — 🌀
As it turned out, Elliott the statistician wasn’t all that bad for company after all. He was an odd little man, for sure, and way too bubbly for a government worker. He had no family, but made friends easily. He was transferred from station every few months, or so he said. It was his way of seeing as much of the world as he could, he said. He had many stories. Not the most original or entertaining ones, but his own innocent interest for them breathed them into life in a way very few seasoned story-tellers could manage.
Shadow had warmed up to him when he’d unexpectedly spoken up in his favor and helped him be granted his prolonged Christmas vacation. It became apparent in the next few times the hybrid caught a glimpse of him that the guy just didn’t hold grudges or take offense to, well, anything. He was nice for the sake of being nice. So Shadow let him talk his ear out when they shared break time, because Elliott didn’t expect him to talk back, and he grew accustomed to the background noise.
The statistician was reciting another instance of a time he’d caught the person training him making a mistake with their own private software - one among many others - when Shadow’s attention was completely hogged by the texts he received right then, effectively zoning out of his fellow agent’s story for an instant.
What an oddly spontaneous offer. Granted, his last encounter with his rival might have left him hoping they could find some time and excuses to meet up before long, ideally without other people involved, this seemed… strangely specific. And it was pretty late, right ? Shadow had lost all sense of timekeeping with his irregular schedule over the past weeks, but he was pretty sure this could be classified as a very late-night text. Nonetheless…
“Do you think I could get Thursday off ?” he asked Elliott, interrupting his story. True to himself, the man wasn’t bothered. In fact, he smiled knowingly.
“You want Thursday off ?” He sounded surprised, in an amused sort of way. Shadow just shrugged.
“Yeah, why ?”
“You didn’t strike me as that… kind of person.” Shadow squinted at him with a mix of hostility and confusion, immediately prompting the other to just answer the question. “I don’t know. I expect a lot of people will have asked for the night off. That might work in your favor, though. If they’re running on minimum staff, they might just want you on standby, at most.”
Shadow nodded slowly, mulling over those words, and shortly settled on an answer.
[text]: can you come here ? [text]: thursday i mean
If he was to be on standby for the day, it meant he could expect to have most of it free, though the safest course of action also involved staying close enough to the station. It seemed like a good plan, it that much could work out. He waited for the little confirmation that his message was delivered, then looked back up at Elliott who still had that knowing smile plastered on his face. “Why would people ask for the day off on Thursday ?” Shadow asked offhandedly, sinking back into his seat, ready to revert to listening with half an ear.
Except, his companion laughed. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”
“…Oh.”
Right. He never took part in that, so it’d slipped his mind entirely. And he must not have been very good at hiding the sudden realization of what he’d probably, accidentally implied with the invitation he’d just sent, because Elliott laughed again. “Didn’t you know ?”
“I…” Chaos, it felt like his ears were on fire. “It didn’t… occur to me.”
“Did someone just trick you into a romantic dinner or what ?”
Shadow wanted to hiss at him. “No. No, it’s fine, I just, need to-” He stood up and suddenly made his way out of the lounge, his mind running a little too fast for him to stay still. This guy trying to pry into his mishap certainly didn’t help, either. “…think of something.”
“Hookay...”
Okay okay okay.
Sonic pauses for the fifth time in the middle of pacing about the den, turning to face his phone which sat idly on one of the couch cushions.
Okay. He can do this. He’d already made up his mind- totally not because of a certain pink hedgehog’s insistent reminder- and he was just gonna be very casual about it. Shadow probably won’t even know what’s going on that day anyway, so it wouldn’t matter. They could just hang out, maybe watch a movie or something, or grab a bite- it would be totally harmless! Right?
Well, the speedster reaches for his phone and lets his thumbs fly away at the screen before he can chicken out again. Once he’s done, he tosses the device back onto the cushions and nyooms right into the kitchen. For some reason, just being in the same room as that thing after the texts are sent is enough to drive his nerves up the wall. As if they weren’t already going a little crazy just from the thought of proposing such an outing on a very specific date, anyway.
Sonic busies himself with throwing together a quick impromptu dinner for himself- fast bake fish sticks and chips. He didn’t think he could handle anything heavy right now if he wanted to.
He doesn’t bother returning to check his phone until after he’s finished eating. Maybe even taking his time (by Sonic’s standards) in a result of procrastination. Honestly, Sonic couldn’t figure out why he felt so nervous. Maybe it was just the idea that he was totally proposing a hang-out of some sort under the guise of it being casual and platonic when he knew fully well that Valentines Day was dominated by the romance scene and couldn’t know for sure if the person he intended to spend that day with would be aware of that factor too.
Either way, there was no going back now. That fact was anchored in once he finally returns to the living room to see that name waiting for him on the phone’s lock screen. Inhaling and exhaling a few times, the blue blur checks the messages, immediately hit with a bunch of feelings so quickly he couldn’t quite discern what was most prominent. The implication that Shadow was interested in hanging out by itself set off a cloud of butterflies in the speedster’s stomach- prompting him to hide the tiny victorious smile that crept onto his face with the back of his hand.
Hanging out in White Acropolis was even better, too. It meant he wouldn’t be here that day and in turn wouldn’t be getting any gruff for not doing anything on Valentines Day from the others- especially from Amy. It was a win-win.
But with that notion came the sudden realization- he was really gonna do this then. For the first time, Sonic was actually gonna initiate plans on Valentines Day on his own accord, fully intending to spend it with someone he was very aware by now he had romantic feelings for. And had those feelings reciprocated back too, nonetheless.
It was the nerve-wracking understatement of the year, yet somehow he couldn’t deny the spark of excitement he felt. However obnoxious he found that specific holiday to be, it’d be his excuse to go out with Shadow again. That alone had the speedster nearly bouncing on his toes while he mulled over what to say back.
Man am I in deep...
[text]: Ssure! THats cool with me :) [text]: I’m not sure what all there is to do up there but yeah i was thinking we could do something fun haha [text]: Like a movie or something [text]: Maybe not an outd oor one this time tho? idk lol 😜 [text]: We could rent one maybe [text]: But yeah haha just throwing ideas out there if you think of anything lemme know
#🌀 — what can i say! i die hard. ❪ ic. ❫#chaosbcrne#long post#hmmm#kinda gay#also hey no offense op but i love elliott#what a good bean
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the soul tattoo - fourteen
pairing: Luke/Reader (Y/N)
rating: PG-13: cursing, mentions of sex, etc etc
word count: a nice long 3k to apologize for taking two years to give you the next part of this story...
summary: If one day you woke up with a random tattoo on your body, you were destined to meet your soulmate soon. When (Y/N) finally gets her soul tattoo, she’s in for a shock when she finds out who her soulmate is.
masterlist // the soul tattoo season 1 recap
Luke’s POV
I expected my life were to get better the second (Y/N) was out of the picture. But I was wrong. I thought that if I made her feel the hurt I felt every time I saw her and Michael together, things would feel “even” between us. But as I lay in my bed, alone and staring at the ceiling, I wondered why I even felt this way. (Y/N) was not my soulmate, yet it almost felt like she was. I debated with this back and forth for hours. Before I knew it, it was four in the morning. We were to leave for the last leg of the North American tour in a few hours. I sighed. Why was (Y/N) the only thing running through my head?
--
Once the plane took off into the sky, I really thought that I would be in a better head space. Being on stage was where I was happiest. Seeing all the fans in the audience singing along to our songs and having a great time made each day of being in this band so much more worth it. I was excited to get away from all the soulmate drama. But when we hit the first city, I was distracted. I was missing my cues, forgetting lyrics, tripping over myself and completely forgetting the choreography we had during some of the songs.
At first, I thought I was just having an off day, but it soon became a frequent occurrence at the following shows. I was off my game just because I couldn’t get a girl out of my damn head. It didn’t help that every time I tried to hang with the boys during our free time, they would all be on the phone facetiming with (Y/N). A few times, I even heard her ask for me, but I refused to see/talk to her. I couldn’t bear it. People were starting to notice that something was up. I had to dissuade everyone and just tell them that tour life was getting to me, but deep down I’m sure everyone knew that wasn’t it.
The tour continued on for a month and a half. My soulmate had asked to come and visit me on tour, but I declined. I told her that I would see her when I got back. I still couldn’t understand why I was being pulled in (Y/N)’s direction and away from my soulmate. None of this made any sense. I felt like I was losing it. I found myself having dreams about (Y/N). In the dreams, she was my soulmate. We spoke about music and our dreams. With her I didn’t feel empty. I didn’t feel like an object. I felt whole.
The only person that knew about what I was going through on tour was Ashton. A couple of years ago, Ashton had thought he found his soulmate, but the job made it hard for him and his soulmate to be together. It was one of those rare cases, but both of their soul tattoos faded. They fell out of love quicker than they could fall back in love and restore everything. It was a hard time for Ash. There was a moment when he just wanted to leave the band because the pain was unbearable. We all convinced him that leaving the band wouldn’t help him. The boys and I were there for him during that hard time.
A week into the last leg of the tour, Ashton came up to me and asked what’s wrong.
“I don’t know, mate. My head is all over the place. I can’t get her out of my mind,” I said with a sigh. Ashton laughed.
“Luke, it’s perfectly okay to miss your soulmate!” He said, patting me on the back. I shook my head.
“That’s the thing, Ash. I wasn’t talking about my soulmate. I was talking about (Y/N),” I whispered. Ashton became quiet. He sat down next to me. We were in our hotel rooms, a couple of hours before our show in Atlanta. Calum and Michael were out exploring the city.
“Did you and (Y/N)…?” Ashton inquired. I scoffed.
“No, nothing happened. I would never do something like that, especially to Michael, or my soulmate, for that matter,” I said. “But, Ash. I’m telling you, the first time I met her, I just knew. I thought I knew when I first met my soulmate. But when I met (Y/N), I never felt anything like it before. It actually physically hurt me to see Michael with her.” I put my head in my hands and rubbed my forehead in frustration. “But I just can’t seem to find a reason why I feel this way. I feel like I’m going crazy.”
Ashton laughed. I looked up from my hands and gave him an agitated look. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. It’s just that… that explains everything. It explains why you’ve been such a dick to her and why you refuse to see or talk to her. And why you decided to turn into a rabbit before tour and fuck your soulmate so obnoxiously,” Ashton said with a hint of a tease.
“Will you shut up about that?” I groan, slumping in my seat.
“So what does this mean?” Ashton asked. “Is (Y/N) your real soulmate?”
“You’re just as lost as I am, mate,” I said.
“Well, we have about less than a month and a half till tour is over. We leave for Bali a week after that and Mikey just told me (Y/N) is coming with. Can you get your feelings in check by then?”
“Oh, for fucks sake. (Y/N) is coming to Bali too?”
“I would be surprised if she didn’t…” Ashton said, trailing off.
“Great. This is just great. How do you just forget your feelings for someone you feel so strongly about?” I ask aloud. Ashton sighs as he stands. He puts a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. If not, write a song,” he says with a shrug and walks towards his room.
I sigh. This is going to be harder than I thought.
---
(Y/N)’s POV
The boys are almost back! It’s crazy to think that almost two months has gone by. To getting my soul tattoo, to being Michael’s girlfriend, it’s clearly been an intense two months. Now the boys are days from leaving tour and we’re set to leave for Bali in less than a week.
I was nervous. A few weeks ago, Michael had asked me to join him and the boys and all their friends. We were facetiming one night and he just blurted it out. At first, I was skeptical of the idea, but since graduating university, I hardly took days off for myself. I worked my ass off every day. I told Michael I would love to go, but I had to find out from my boss if I could go before I committed to anything.
I first brought it up to (Y/F/N) and her reaction was different than I expected. I figured she was gonna dissuade me from going.
“YES! Oh my god! Yes, you should go. Bali is gorgeous and you’ll have so much fun. You deserve a vacation, dude. I’m so jealous,” she said excitedly.
“Why don’t you come with us?” I asked. “You’ve already met Michael and you guys seem to have gotten along. Plus, it’ll be fun if we went on this trip together. It is a friendcation after all!” If (Y/F/N) came with me, I would ultimately feel so much better. She would help put me at ease having to see Luke and his soulmate together. I knew that I really needed to decide what I wanted to do with Luke. Tell him the truth or let it be? Despite me trying to deny it, I knew I still liked Luke. Having (Y/F/N) there with me would also help stop me from doing anything stupid, especially when there was a 100 percent chance tequila would be involved.
“I dunno, dude. I’d have to call off a whole week from work.” I saw her mind working as she tried to mull over the idea of going to Bali. “I wish Michael had asked you a month before and not a few weeks before they leave.”
I grabbed her shoulders and shook them. “(Y/F/N), PLEASE! There’s no way I can go on this trip without you! The hotel will be free because the boys are paying. I’ll pay for your plane ticket! C’MON!!!!!” I exclaimed.
“I’ll think about it…” she trailed off. I collapsed into my pillows and groaned in frustration.
“UGH. Why are you like this?” I sighed.
---
I eventually convinced (Y/F/N) to come on this trip with me. Her now fiancé wasn’t too happy about the fact that we were going on a vacation with a bunch of dudes, so he decided to tag along too. I was a little peeved, but at the same time, this entire trip was basically a couple’s trip. Me and Mikey, (Y/F/N) and her fiancé, Luke and his soulmate, Ashton and Cal with girls they met on tour, and a few of their band buddies and their girls. It was going to either be a giant party or a huge orgy... I was hoping it was the former instead of the latter.
When I told Mikey of our plans, he was so excited. I had called him the second I got the okay from my boss.
“Wait, really!? You can come?” He asked, excitedly. I laughed.
“Yes, Mikey! I can come with you to Bali!” I squealed. I could hear him jumping up and down in excitement. I had already started Pinteresting pics of Bali and things we could do and outfits I needed to buy for the trip. Michael was already sweet enough to cover my flight tickets and hotel rooms.
Now two weeks later, the boys were finally back. I was physically and emotionally prepping for this moment since Mikey had asked me to join them on their Bali trip. I had decided that after this trip, I was going to tell him the truth about my tattoo. I was scared, but he deserved to know. It gave me a lot of anxiety not knowing how he was going to react. I went too long not telling anyone and that is a mistake I regret making. If this backfires and he’s ends being upset, then I’m just going to have to face the consequences. I deserve that.
I was at work when I got a text from Michael.
HELLO, I AM BACK IN LA. WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY AREN’T YOU NEXT TO ME, the message read. I giggled.
I’m at work u idiot. I’m off at five pick me up for dinner? I responded.
LOL MY BAD YEAH I’LL COME GET YOU THEN
WHY ARE YOU YELLING I replied.
IDK IM REALLY EXCITED IM SORRY AJJDNEFAOIJDOAIH
I laughed. My little goofball. The laughter was soon gone the second I remembered what I planned to tell him after Bali. God, I couldn’t do this to him. How could I let myself be so stupid and drag this along? I shook it off. It’s fine. Less than a week till Bali, I can do this.
---
Luke’s POV
We were back in LA. We leave for Bali next week. I was excited to be back, but I was a wreck. The entire last days of tour, I thought I was going to be able to get (Y/N) off my mind, but the closer the date came to getting back to LA, the more I had dreams about her. She was taking up my entire brain and I hated it.
The second we landed I called up my soulmate. We got in a good fuck. She thought I just missed her, but deep down we both knew that this relationship had become purely sexual. If anything, she was a distraction. I felt awful for using her, but I felt worse thinking about (Y/N) with Michael. My life had suddenly turned into a live version of Jesse’s Girl. But since (Y/N’s) coming with us to Bali, I had to have something or someone to get her off my mind. We all know I do stupid shit, especially when there’s alcohol involved.
I tried to convince the guys to just make this a boy’s trip, but they all complained that they had already invited their girls to come with us. It was too late and I had to suck it up. As much as my soulmate and I had nothing to talk about anymore, at least we had something we could do with each other. Each day I spend with her, I realize how much we aren’t meant to be for each other. Coming back from tour and seeing her again in person confirmed that, even if the sex was great.
After my soulmate fell asleep, I put on a pair of sweatpants and walked to my balcony. I closed the door behind me and called my mum.
“Hey mum.”
“Hi sweetie! How was the flight?” She asked.
“Just fine, mum. We’re back in our LA house right now,” I said.
“Oh, that’s great! How are you? You sound down, baby.”
I sighed. My mum always knew something was up without me having to say anything about it. “I’m okay. Things could be better. I’m still so conflicted about my soulmate. She just doesn’t seem like the right girl.” I look through the glass doors to see my soulmate fast asleep on my bed, her bright red hair sprawled out around her, a huge contrast against the pearly white pillows I had. She seemed so quiet and innocent when she was asleep – completely opposite to how she was when she was awake.
“Honestly, Luke, the second you told me about her, I knew something was wrong. I know you wanted to give her a chance, but you sound miserable.”
“I know. I feel miserable. Do you remember that other girl I was telling you about?”
“Oh, yes! (Y/N)! The one dating Michael?” She asked.
“Yes, that’s her. I still think she may be my real soulmate, mum.”
“Luke, sweetheart, I’m only going to say this once because I’m your mum. Get your shit together. If you’re unhappy with your soulmate, then break up with her. Just because she may be your soulmate, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be with her. I want you to be happy, baby. But you can’t do that if you force yourself to love someone we all know you do not love.”
“What… Mum!?” I was shocked, my mum was never forward like this.
“I’m sorry, love. You’ve been calling me about this situation for weeks now. It’s been two months since you got your soul tattoo. I know you think that you’re going to have this great big love like your father and I - I’m more than sure you’ll have it soon, but clearly this woman who’s claiming to be your soulmate, isn’t making you happy and that’s fine. That just means she isn’t the one for you. Tell her how you feel. In the long run, you’ll both feel better about it.”
I was quiet for a moment. I hated that she was right. But all of what she said was true. I was too afraid to face how I really felt. I denied everything wrong with my soulmate because I thought it was right, because some unwritten rule somewhere said that I had to fall in love with my soulmate. It’s very rare, but sometimes these things just don’t work out. I had to face the facts one way or another.
Once I got off the phone with my mum, I went back to bed. I was so caught up with jet lag when we landed, but once in bed, I couldn’t sleep. I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, just thinking. My soulmate was fast asleep next to me. I looked at her for a moment. She was beautiful and she was fun to be around sometimes, but deep down I knew she wasn’t my girl.
Hours later, I decided that after our trip to Bali, I was going to end things with her. I knew that that wasn’t how this whole soulmate shit is supposed to work, but I couldn’t bear another day being with her. I could tell that even the boys were starting to get irritated with her. They were just too scared or too nice to say anything to me about it. So that was the plan. Bali is in a few days. I just had to figure out how I was going to tell her and if I was going to confess my true feelings to (Y/N) after that.
---
yeeeeeet I finally gave you guys another part! I have to admit, I’m so freaking nervous about this. My heart is beating and my hands are shaking as I type this. I have written and edited and re-edited and re-re-edited this part and the following parts so many times. I knew that I couldn’t hold onto them anymore, so here it is. The only explanation I have for taking so long is this: life gets in the way and there’s nothing you can really do about it. Once time passed and I figured it was time to get back to this, a year had come and gone. I simply lost the inspiration to write. But here we are, two years later and I finally have the next 13 or so chapters ready for your eyes to read.
I hope you love it.
{r.h.}
#soulmate au#the soul tattoo#luke hemmings#soulmate!luke#luke 5sos#5 seconds of summer#5sos#ashton irwin#ashton 5sos#michael clifford#michael 5sos#calum hood#calum 5sos#my writing#tattoos#5sos blurbs#blurbs#5sos fluff#5sos imagines#5sos fanfic#writing#tst
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