#idk i feel like these are very mainstream kinks

[duskier]

Put myself on anon for this one because I am SHY, but I wanted to know...does your oc Clara have any weird/niche kinks?

OH YAY CLARA QUESTION!!

She is a closet sadist for sure, not in an extreme sense but just that she likes the idea of a girl who is into getting hurt trusting her with it. Likes how it can be something intimate and tender, violence without aggression.

She's both a sub and a dom however when she's subbing and topping she's always wanted a girl to treat her like a dog about it. She's so embarrassed so she would never ask but she wants to be collared and leashed and fuck a pretty femme into the mattress while her girl yanks on her chain and calls her a filthy mutt.

I feel like she's got a huge fetish for tongues/spit. Like French kissing sloppily will actually get her going in less than three seconds but she could do it until her lips are numb and her skins irritated!! She sees a picture of a girl sticking her tongue out (not ahegao, never that) with drool coming out and suddenly she's squeezing her thighs together.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/763283461383553024/saw-a-video-about-why-lesbian-romances-feel?source=share

beyond the obvious issues pointed out here with that argument, I always think it's weird to act like writers have to personally experience something to write it convincingly? unless you're purely writing autobiography, every writer is going to write about things that they don't experience. the art of being a good writer is making it sound like you're in the character's head even if they're very different from you. that includes writing attraction you don't experience.

....but also, if people genuinely want to see what it's like when straight women try to write from the perspective of someone who is sexually attracted to women and fail at it, the place to find it is bad het romance. i specify "bad," because, again, good writers have no difficulty convincingly writing emotions they don't experience but that their characters do. But with the bad writers, you can really REALLY tell it in het when they write from the perspective of the male character (as is romance novel convention, to switch between perspectives) in a het romance, it feels so clunky. It's so obviously a straight woman's idea from the media about what men find hot in women, and it just feels so inauthentic to any real person's experience with falling in love. But again, good het romance writers who are straight women are fine here - because they don't actually have to experience attraction to women themselves to get into the head of a character who does!

It just always feels so condescending, and it only ever seems to come up for some reason when the authors are women, have you noticed that? IME even when you genuinely do have straight women romance writers try to dip their toes into f/f (the books mentioned in that video are not that though, like writers have bios usually or if they don't you can look them up? all the writers of the books that person is complaining about make it clear that they themselves are queer/non-hetero women of some stripe) the writing of the attraction still feels authentic to me. Probably because the hackier of the het romance writers are disproportionately less likely to try their hand at queer stuff? Idk. But that's what I've noticed.

Anyway, I'm all saying this as a lesbian who often finds mainstream F/F romance novels boring, but there's a distinct difference between "I'm not into this" and "these people don't experience this attraction." Your kinks and preferences are not universal! Also I think you've talked about this and I agree - a lot of what is off-putting to me about F/F novels is that a lot of them feel like they're more about community in-jokes than anything else. Idk how you would read that and think the issue is that the author doesn't like women. The other thing about that video that is stupid is that some of those books aren't even really "romances" in the genre sense. They are books that feature F/F romance as a major plot, but that are not written or structured like, or marketed as, romance novels. Like, Honey Girl felt more like a coming-of-age/personal-self-discovery novel than anything. The romance was important, but the protagonist's personal growth was the real story and got way more focus on its own (outside of the central relationship) than a conventional romance novel would give it. Along with that you can't really say "lesbian romance sucks and isn't sexy" and then use as examples books where being "sexy" was never the point in the first place, I also just think it's weird and homophobic to act like anything that has F/F romance content in it is therefore a romance novel? We don't assume that every story that has a hetero romance in it in anyway is a romance. People only seem to do this with queer stuff.

--

It's so odd because older queer lit was so heavy on coming of age and memoir-adjacent stuff.

[night-market-if]

Lamplight and their gatekeepers is my Roman Empire. God, the way their relationship is so complicated but feels so right? Comforting? Idk, I love all the characters so much, but Milo and Mal just hit different, thank you for sharing them with us <3

You are welcome

I think the appeal (and on some hand, the revulsion) of this relationship is kind of the fact that it is a bit taboo. Let's face it, this kind of relationship is very much looked down on in our society and there are not a lot of mainstream books or media outlets, that have a poly relationship that is not looked at as some sort of sex kink.

For me, I love exploring poly's. I like throwing three people together and seeing if they work. And that stems from the fact that it is not a story idea that I feel is richly explored so I feel there's more room for me to discover things, as opposed to an idea of a relationship that I grew up reading or witnessing on television, if that makes sense.

[quiet-admirer]

This is just a ramble so I'm not composing my thoughts in any way, and this is my perception from only being in limited online circles, but it feels like the past year or 2 was like feedism and fat fetishes got a little wave of normie exposure and people shitting on it with the usual first-argument-that-pops-into-your-mind societal regurgitated bullshit (on tiktok for example from what I hear anecdotally), but then that was coming up right as there was this growing wave of 'can we stop with the no kink at pride discourse'//'stop being puritan cops'//'there are no thought crimes' and I think those two waves coinciding has kind of combined into a weird thing where I've been seeing a ton of neutral and positive references to feedism by non-feedist online accounts/people in the past few months alone.

Like that burger kink post that has 17k notes last I saw it?? Regardless of whether that op has a feedism kink, their blog isn't a feedist blog, and I impulsively went to look in the notes and all of it is like 'lol I thought that said feudalism not feederism' and not 'umm you can't joke about feederism it's problematic' which is SO WILD to me. 17k people are willing to see a funny pun about feedism where it is not the butt of the joke and it's not at the expense of feedists and laugh along without needing to turn it into hysterical discourse like it's just a normal kink we can make puns and laugh about, and it's so normalizing??

It's not even just been that post either, it's wild to me. I know I've been much more active in this kink community in the past 3-4 years, so my experience is limited but it has really seemed like there's been increasingly bigger waves/cycles of exposure -> backlash -> pushback for acceptance -> exposure

And of course there are the vocal naysayers but the fact that there even IS anyone else out there other than anti-fat fetishists and us? Idk it gives me hope. I know there will be more cycles of backlash but seeing very slowly that there are starting to be people outside our community that are willing to have our back or just be willing to be seen standing next to us in a manner of speaking is weirdly healing. Like, I love being weird and I don't really like the idea of feedism being "mainstreamed" and am sceptical of feedism being "normalized" except for in other kink and queer communities, but there was NOTHING even close to this 12-15 years ago when I was first discovering my kink. It gives me hope that baby feedists will be more likely to stumble upon informative and positive ideas about themselves while they're figuring it all out

And that maybe we can move from being vocally and universally stigmatized from the few who've even heard of us to maybe being perceived like furries have been in recent years where it's started to mostly be like 'yeah they're weird but their art is kinda cool and they're just vibing'?

I don't know man, TL;DR I almost teared up about that burger kink post yesterday and I keep seeing posts everywhere about feedism that aren't filled with hateful comments and I'm just like what the Fuck is going on

[freeuselandonorris]

This is probably a heavy ask idk but how do you make your kinks known to your partner who is very vanilla without scaring them or making it seem like you are forcing them? I've heard from people with bad experiences with this, and one of the reasons they give is that they've felt forced or manipulated into doing things they didn't really want to do, and I think this whole topic is a little bit stressful because they don't give details of the situation, so I don't know how their partners did the whole thing, they probably didn't want to force anything and it was unintentionally 😩

hey!

so, obviously i don't know the circumstances of these people you've heard from, but i'm prepared to bet that - assuming that their partners weren't actually assholes who manipulated them into doing things they weren't comfortable with - the issue was a lack of communication/poor communication, both ways.

one of my partners was totally vanilla when we first started sleeping together. so obviously i'm not speaking here as any kind of expert but i have gone through the same thing before (with a few stumbles and miscommunications along the way!) but he's now just as feral as i am 🥰 he was pretty open-minded to trying stuff out, but he had no clue about kink other than very mainstream depictions like spanking and choking (which shouldn't be a mainstream kink but that's another rant). it did help that he already knew i was into kink because i have very little filter in real life as well as on here lmao. we started off by talking about things hypothetically - i explained what i was into and why it appealed, and made it clear that i would like to do those things with him, but i also made it clear that i wasn't expecting anything from him. we started out doing pretty mild stuff, trying things out together, and then we talked about it. he was pretty new to talking about sex in any depth and found it extremely weird that i was making him dissect his feelings and reactions about what we'd done, but it meant that we were able to establish pretty quickly what he was enjoying and what he found difficult or unpleasant. we did a lot of this via text because we both found it less awkward at first, but now we're used to it and we'll usually talk about it in bed the next morning (which is extra nice because by the end of the conversation we're usually ready for round 2 lmao).

my general opinion is that if you're wanting to do kink, you have to be comfortable talking about kink. otherwise you end up trying to rely on mindreading, which is a recipe for disaster when you're dealing with things that can be psychologically and physically damaging. so to answer your question, i would recommend you start talking to your partner about sex in general, if you don't already. get used to discussing what you like and don't like. then you can start to tell them that you have specific kinks, and explain what you find appealing about them without immediately being like "hey i want you to piss on me" (or whatever!), just more like "i think the idea of being pissed on is pretty hot! i'm really attracted to the taboo aspect of it". but you have to make it clear to them that you're not trying to obliquely request it from them and you have to make it clear to them that they'll need to think carefully about what they want to try, if they want to try anything at all.

i think a lot of people who've exclusively had vanilla sex are very unused to thinking about and talking about sex in this way, so take it slowly and gently, and don't give in to the temptation to get overexcited and reel off huge detailed list of all your kinkiest fantasies immediately. start off small, pick one thing that you might like to try that isn't too intimidating to a newbie, and don't judge or get upset at your partner if they decide a certain kink isn't for them - remember they're rejecting the kink, not you.

but yeah, in summary: you both have to talk, and you both have to trust each other enough to tell each other the truth. if you don't trust that your partner isn't going to just pretend they're fine with something when they're not, then i wouldn't recommend doing kinky stuff with them.

best of luck!

[victimeyez]

Me and my buddy stumbled on your writing andnow we're hate reading just to see how low you're willing to go for the shock factor. So far the Enema Bag Shiver is the funniest, it has turned into our favorite character so far, but the #1 is still the toddler costume for the pedophile implications. To be honest its brave you included that in a story all about kinks you personally have :D Anyway I'm sure its important to the plot too. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to saturday :)

Idk man, kinda sounds like you're my biggest fan.

This story has not been updated regularly until very recently, and It's been ongoing for almost a year. Are you on my taglist? Would you like to be?

I'm not sure how you would stumble across my content. No one has a strictly My Little Pony blog and then randomly reblogs my work. Everything I write is tagged to hell and back, and is exclusively shared within the whump community. Obviously something attracts you to whump, and I write whump. My blog is labeled Dead Dove: Do Not Eat. If you look in the bag and yell at me that you find a dead dove in there, that's not on me.

You have to be actively checking my blog, because you've sent me multiple anon messages, and check to see if I've answered them. When I don't within a few days, you still want my attention so you send more. You want to read the story, and you openly enjoy it, but you're having a hard time reconciling the judgement you make on me with the fact that you genuinely like my content. So you eagerly read it, but send me anon hate so you can still give yourself a big pat on the back and feel like you have a moral superiority. Your case isn't special. It is incredibly common, and certainly nothing new.

What if you could just enjoy the things you like? There's a whole community here that shares your interests and has fun interacting with it. You don't have to put it on your resume, but there's a space here that is appropriate for it. It involves sensitive content, sure, whump is a facet of horror. Torture scenes are incredibly common, even in mainstream media. Game of Thrones featured graphic rape scenes and incest, yet it has unbelievable mainstream appeal. It's okay to like content that involves mature themes and touches on sensitive topics, and the majority of people do.

A lot of people have a hard time being genuine about their interests, whether they carry a taboo or are just considered cringe. I realized years ago that by owning the things I enjoy, no one can hurt me with it. I was a superwholock teenager to the core. I am bad at ice skating and swimming! I'm a fat little boy and I dance funny!!! When you refuse to be ashamed, other people have no power over you. In fact, they start to feel more comfortable being themselves around you, too.

I'm not stooping to anything. I'm an adult with a busy life, who chose to post my writing online, fully knowing the possible consequences, and being fine with them. I have made interactive elements of the story so people can vote for what they want to see - and when I listed the crazy BDSM couple Lisa and Mark, they won the poll by a landslide. There are plenty of people who can distinguish fiction from the author's core morals, and I'm not interested in pandering to anyone who doesn't.

The shock value comment is interesting - if I'm just trying to shock people, why would I hold back? Why didn't I write a whole disgusting scene with the enema? Why have I stated that I will not be writing any kind of age play scenes in this series? There is a plot, character arcs, backstories... Sarge could not be more of a parody unless I had him wear a shirt that said "I am a caricature of the american military industrial complex, republican politics, imperialism, and the intersection it finds with men who struggle socially and turn to red pilled reddit and toxic masculinity as a balm". Seems a bit on the nose, though. Do you think all content that involves horror or mature content is only designed to shock?

If you think I've got this all wrong, and I'm a huge pretentious asshole, that doesn't change anything for me. But you have committed yourself an awful lot to something you supposedly hate. Why don't you just stop reading? You won't even come off of anon, because you know I'd just block you and move on, and I think you would be upset if you couldn't read it anymore. I'm just another freak on the internet, right? Block me and move on. Prove me wrong. Throw a party that you trumped me and won. Feel superior. Do a backflip. Good for you buddy. Or maybe tell me, who actually is your favorite character?

TLDR; you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid

[zalrb]

Oooh, hoping for a Babygirl review from you! I had a good time watching it, but I also went into it with no expectations so it was easy to acclimate to what it was. I thought Nicole Kidman was great and, I mean I know she’s a working actor, but a lot of her movies lately have been more of the feel good kind, so it was nice to watch something of hers again and think WOW that’s Nicole Kidman, an ACTOR.

Harris’s Dickinson was also surprisingly good? I mean I haven’t watched much of what he’s in, but i found him to be super charismatic, and like, youthful? Like I know he’s 28 so obviously he is young, but he didn’t take himself too seriously so it made the story (and maybe even dynamic) work for me. Bc if I heard someone order “get on your knees” I too would laugh at the ridiculousness.

I also really like the directing, which definitely lived up to the movies intention of the female gaze. I guess after seeing a few flicks where it’s meant to be women-centric stories but it’s directed by men, the difference felt very clear.

This is interesting. I had a much more lukewarm response to the movie tbh and was waiting for a deeper psychosexual dive into Romy's character or for there to be more tension and I just didn't feel the stakes of this relationship enough for it to be a psychological thriller or drama. The kink aspects were really vanilla to the point that I was just like, I don't know, it feels like every time there's something that has a BDSM angle to it and it's also mainstream, it's extremely vanilla and makes me wonder if there's a point to doing it at all, and because I saw various reviews being like omg Kidman is willing to be SO vulnerable in this etc etc. I did feel like people were just wrapped up in the fact that Nicole Kidman was on all fours drinking milk from a bowl and got swept up in the "shock value" of that despite it, to me anyway, not being very shocking? Romy's confrontation with Jacob when she confesses also just made me wish Nicole and Antonio had more scenes together with meat because they're both Actors and they both did so well in that scene that I was like, I would maybe believe this or get into this more if Antonio was the one she was having an affair with and they got to have those scenes together but obviously that isn't the point, a very big point is that Samuel is much younger than she is.

What I actually think the movie did best was her relationship to Esme and the old guard vs the new guard in office dynamics/politics and how Esme said that she thought with women in power, it would be different.

Harris has demon eyes so that distracted me a lot in the scenes but despite this, I've also thought about it and have decided to respect the awkwardness of some of the sex scenes where Samuel doesn't really seem in control himself either, he's just kind of like idk, this is what you want ... right? Get on your knees? No, seriously. On your knees. You seem to like this ... right? No? Don't you? Huh?? Do as I say ... yeah exactly ... because I feel like that's exactly how it would go if it's not really something either of you have done much or at all.

Although how they get into that relationship and how he presents himself as an intern when he's first introduced had me like is this commentary on how men can get away with doing shit in the office even if they're an intern while women constantly have to worry about optics and potential indiscretions? Otherwise, dude, who ARE you, and where do you get the balls to act this way at your job? I did see a few theories that she paid him to be there.

It also made me want to revisit Eyes Wide Shut.

It was definitely beautifully shot.

[ftmpuppyslvt]

negative rant/vent towards a kink below the cut, not kinkshaming but understand negative talk might make others feel bad so read at ur own risk

ugh I really dislike this certain thread of sensitive kinks like misgendering/detrans or even when it's present in more mainstream kinks, where someone's like really playing up the non-sexual parts of it and leaning into "oh your biology dictates this" or "this is your societal role"

idk how to properly explain it but the aspects of detrans kink that are like "you were born into this female role so I will degrade you by making you do dishes" or "your mannerisms are ✨️female✨️ how could you ever be a man"

with breeding kink too I hate hate hate the whole "you're going to make a happy family with me and we'll turn you into a traditional mother" aspect it gives me the ick.

I think I have a general dislike of most things that don't have some sort of sexual aspect involved. Like, yes I would like to be collared and bark for someone and treated like a pet while they fuck me but I would not like to sit in a cage all day and eat from a dog bowl. Yes I wanna be misgendered but not outside of sex or in the lead-up to sex.

It's just a very difficult limit to convey so I don't mind seeing it or people crossing the line to that but if I did ever do things with someone seriously it would be one of the heavily discussed aspects

[palant1r]

If you're okay with me asking, re: your post about fiction, how do you feel about DD/LG or age regression kinks? I saw a lot of people saying it normalizes pedophilia and maybe I'm dumb, but idk I feel if it's between consenting adults? Again, don't have to reply if you don't want to

ye im ok with you asking i love giving my opinion on things

i think it's really funny how up in arms people get about DD/LG considering that calling someone "daddy" in a sexual context has reached normie levels of mainstream kink assimilation. kinda like how theres discourse about animal-style dildos when 2023's game of the year literally marketed itself with bear sex.

anyway that tangent aside

DD/LG and age regression is literally fine imo. like its a squick of mine but who give a shit? fantasizing about something sexually doesn't mean that people want to translate that very abstracted, eroticized and idealized fantasy into its closest real world equivalent and then normalize that equivalent. i am taking the phrase "normalizing pedophilia" away from the internet and putting it on the shelf until they learn what it means.

[dumbdomb]

just so yknow tht post by kittenteeth have pornblogs in their dni!

so, nsft blogs are not pornblogs. "pornblogs" are accounts that are mostly impersonal, and very heavily show content that is extremely graphic and no other content. typical blogs i see post lots of thin, light skin, nude women or lots of content that clearly belongs to someone else (whether it be an independent swer or studio production). these blogs are violating the tos and community guidelines and risk being reported or terminated by the website itself.

bc i post lots of nsft, it only makes sense that i limit who i interact with (not reblogging from and blocking people under eighteen years of age). if someone has a description or pinned stating something like: nsft or kink blogs dni, then i avoid interacting and usually block that person to prevent accidentally interacting in the future. i never intended to strictly post nsft content, and i don't. this is a personal blog. i just try to maintain safety, respect, and limit my interactions to fellow adults around here.

i agree with kitttenteeth about not wanting older men lurking around and interacting, i also do not want that. i sometimes can't believe how many people i find that are closer to my age, that i have to block bc they are intentionally following and seeking much younger people... it's giving too "maps" for my comfort levels. though there are a few older people that have stuck around, it seems most have left for other platforms and got busy with work, kids, life, etc...

please do not refer to my blog as a pornblog just bc i post nsft and kinky content. if you view all nsft blogs this way, regardless of what they post, please block me. sex-negative, anti-kink, and anti-porn people are not welcome here. my blog welcomes ace/aro/allo kinksters, poc and people with different views on sexuality than what is normalized in western and mainstream society. ...and please do not involve other users if this was an attempt to harass me. it's not necessary, if you have questions about what someone allows or has boundaries with on their blog, it's best to ask the source for clarity rather than create a bigger situation out of nothing.

edited, october 6th, to include:

nsft and pornblogs were never synonymous, except to sfw users who didn't want to be around anything sexual or kinky at all. idk what you mean about "making your space safe for people like you" but i'm also ace and kinky. i'll post the tag below i use specifically for aspec content...

i think if there's ever any confusion about the intention of someone's dni, limits, boundaries then the best way to understand is to contact that person directly- which would've been the other blog in this case, not mine. it wasn't my dni, it was hers. regardless, this has been sorted and i have no ill feelings about it.

i appreciate you taking the time to think about this and write back. this post was for clarity and transparency, not a reprimand. i had no intention to make anyone feel bad and was mostly worried if i'd accidentally crossed some boundaries here (which wasn't the case at all and why i wrote everything out explaining things). i try to be very respectful of people's dni and how i'm interacting with different posts from everyone (since my blog is not entirely nsft, kinky, etc and i do post other things).

[johanna-swann]

maybe it a me thing but sometimes I feel like the fandom don't like buddy for it being a relationship for both characters to be happy and for it to be a good dynamic for them but because the fandom has a gay fetish. it not just buck and eddie love interests getting turn into monster, it chimney because call the C slur for being upset with buck, it hen being turn black stereotype, it bobby being homophobic, it eddie being out of character and sexualizing spanish.

Maybe I'm just good at filtering, but while I do recognise some of these tropes, there are also some that I've literally never come across before. For example I've never seen homophobic Bobby anywhere. And the characters are all equally ooc in my opinion, it's not just Eddie. (Although with Buck it works mostly in his favour, that much I've noticed.)

The Chimney bashing I've mostly heard about and not really seen much myself? It comes up a lot when talking about the season 5 ppd arc and Chim does punch Buck in the face for the exact same thing which he has done to Buck in just the previous season, so. I kinda get why people where pissed at Chim here. (I also have to ask what the c slur is in this context. English is not my first language, I assume it's a racial slur?)

I have seen the sexy Spanish thing before, but I've seen it in non-sexual contexts just as much. There are a lot of fics where Buck learns Spanish for Eddie and Christopher out of familial love or where he learnt while in Peru etc. So I'm not sure if this is actually an issue. There's also the matter of kink shaming as a counter point. Like, are language kinks racist? What if the language in question was, Idk, French. Or German. No idea why anyone would get hot and bothered by German, but I'm sure there are people out there who do. I'm not an expert in this field by any means, please do engage with your own thoughts on the topic, feel free to leave asks or comments etc.

There's definitely a LOT of misogynoir going round in this fandom. Hen and Athena both get demoted and stereotyped into the fiery-protective mom-friend who does nothing but pamper Buck. I've actually made this post before, I think. It happens even more to Athena than it does to Hen, but Hen gets a bunch of queer stereotypes (hello super-gaydar) to even things out.

A lot of these issues probably come with the territory of combining a very mainstream show with a relatively young fandom and a popular male, white(passing) slash-ship. They're not new issues, we've seen this before in many other fandoms. I've seen it a lot in the Merlin fandom for example where Gwen (the black female main character) gets pushed aside to make room for the white men.

The only thing we can really do about it is to keep pointing out discriminatory tropes to each other, so that we and other fans can do better going forward. A lot of people probably aren't disrespectful on purpose, so we should keep talking about this.

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

personally, as a lesbian, i feel like i’d define another woman who has more masculine energy as a daddy and a woman who has more feminine energy as a mommy. it’s not necessarily tied to their style or appearance—i think i’d call emily prentiss from criminal minds daddy, because even though she appears more feminine her energy feels masculine. but then i’m not quite sure what defines feminine or masculine energy. it’s not that daddies are rougher or more dominant, because i adore fanfics about larissa weems in which she is rough and dominant, but she is totally a mommy to me (and a mf hot one at that 🥵).

idk! as with your explanation on the top/bottom, dom/sub thing, this is definitely very subjective. and to be totally honest i’m still not sure how i feel about these terms in the first place, what with their obvious connotation to parental relations. (rant over 😶) what do you think?

interesting! i guess i never thought about it much before. this is a very interesting discussion!

i mean, these terms have obvious connotations to parental relations bc they like started off as like. a fucked up kink ahhahah, and then slowly trickled into mainstream use and now i feel their meaning is much "milder" than it used to be? like it does not necessarily indicate some sort of parent kink, even though it def *can* i guess?? but uh, it says something about our collective psyche as a society, haha. freud would have a field day studying all of us. i don't really like the other stuff that comes with the mommy/daddy kink lol, like the weird parent play and shit, and like i just sorta think the terms daddy/mommy have kind of separated themselves from their original use in the kink community.

as for what makes a mommy and a daddy... idk man. i guess i would sort of agree with your definition? like i def know which female character, for example, would be daddy and which one mommy lol (imo). but i can't really explain my reasoning behind it. is it all rooted in gender stereotypes?? no idea, man! but idk, i think the whole mommy/daddy thing is sorta harmless, so there's no need to like venture too deeply into the whys haha. so yeah, i basically have nothing intelligent to say lol, and i have come to no conclusion. i think that "mommy", in my interpretation, would maybe have a slightly more soft approach, even when being super dominant. like she'd degrade you like a lady lollll, and maybe daddy would be more like, rough about it ahhaha. idk man.

(oh also. i asked some of my friends for their opinions now lol, because i am curious what they thought about my vibes, since my perception of myself is not always the best, and they all said i give off daddy vibes ahahahha. idk, i guess both would work for me lol. the mommy thing started off as a joke and now everybody calls me mommy lolllllll ashdashfdighfdas)

[hugbound]

I think I'm opening myself up to getting future death threats or whatever by talking in this subject IDK much about so I'm horrified but. Man.

IDK much about this "pro.ship" shit just that I think it started from Voltron ship wars and that it seems anti-Safe Sane Consensual-kink adjacent & shit but I do know this feels like the same flavor of bullshit that was shoveled down my throat as a tween & teen. With a different coat of paint. Just in a self moderating community variation. This can be VERY DAMAGING and traumatizing.

This is like the post-2015(?) version of Abstinence Only Sex "education" which was pushed in the 2000s. For example: the state of Texas required federally funded schools sex education programs to never discuss contraceptives or "safe sex" only that sex is bad, risky, morally wrong, etc. only that it's bad. No nuance no nothing. It's risky behavior that can ruin your life, equivalent to underage drinking, and doing drugs. If you have any form of sex or relationship beyond hand holding you become "used" and "gross". You are bad and unlovable. (With complete disregard for victims of COCSA or CSA that may be subjected to it too.)

It was based on fear tactics, heteronormative relationships, with a nice heavy layer of misogyny (girls are sluts but boys are players!)

This made my friends and I hyper critical about other teens who so much as made lewd jokes. "Oh they must be bad people. I bet they do drugs and underage drinking" kinda shit, and destroyed my ability to engage with "bad" content in any capacity other than FEAR SHAME GUILT and DISGUST. I AM STILL UNPACKING THIS SHIT. I AM ALMOST 30 YEARS OLD. About a natural part of human existence. It caused a rift in a friendship I had with my best friend from Middle school who had been interested in sex. She thought I would hate her because she had sexual feelings or thoughts and I was FIRMLY VOCALLY anti-sex.

It's just shifted from Heteronormative PIV Sex (they didn't touch on LGBT stuff it was the fucking late 2000s) to Policing Media, Interests, Fandoms, and Kinks or kink adjacent communities that often host traumatized, kinky, LGBT, individuals. Or just normal ass cishet people.

It's bullying. "How dare you be different! How dare you engage with something other than immediate disgust. You must be a horrible person!"

For example: furries are one of the last communities that are "socially acceptable" to bully because it's becoming more mainstream that being "non-PC" can ACTUALLY get you fired for discrimination these days. Furries were the punching bag of the 2000s Internet and we've improved a lot but it's 2024 and the "go kill yourself u furfag zoophile" is still going strong.

Because furries are "weird". "It's zoophilia!" they cry. Like how all gay men used to be "pedophiles into little boys" The furry fandom is made up mostly of LGBT people and it's just the most socially acceptable group to continue to harass with homophobia and "eww sexual deviants!" Because the face you see is a cartoon dog instead of a human being. So much furry hate is just disguised, hidden LGBT hatred.

This isn't exactly the same as what purity culture is doing with stuff like the "dark" side of fandom. (Or God forbid someone have an 'icky bad' kink.) But it's the whole fucking issue of you'd rather fight for fictional victims who can't turn around and say "ACTUALLY-" than help real fucking people. And you end up with traumatized individuals screaming at each other:

"well *I* never coped by using problematic content! I'm morally fantastic!" "I got better!" "You can't write or draw content about that unless you're a victim of it and ONLY using it to cope therapeutically! (If you have it as a kink you need to be shot dead)!" Is the same kind of shit as "a white person can't write about any other culture" "you can't write a story about an LGBT person if you're not LGBT!" "All gays need to be rounded up and shot" Then good fucking luck feeling represented in some way in ANY form of media.

Like how anti-abortion people only care about unborn children bc the minute it's alive and out they don't give two fucks about supporting them. You want to look good and wholesome and better like a martyr or Saint so you don't get pulled into your own self cannibalizing judgemental community of "that's bad so that makes people who like it bad" shit. You're controlling through GUILT, FEAR AND SHAME just like the religious backed Abstinence Only Movement that severely hurt an entire generation of kids.

I am severely fucked up by that shit. You are teens or young adults, this is going to FUCK with your core beliefs. Just live your life with your friends, stop bickering with fandom communities about ethical fanfiction there are bigger fish to fry. Energy better spent elsewhere. Go volunteer at a shelter to help actual victims. Spread the word about resources to educate kids and prevent online grooming. Oh wait no that's ACTUAL WORK. Just make a PSA post on Twitter or Tumblr dot com to show you're A Good Person, there's your community service act for the week.

Stop screeching on Twitter about SHIPPING. Have a healthy discussion about it, debate, HELL YEAH, but OMG PLEASE don't make it your hobby or a core part of your personality I am begging you. It will hurt you and it will hurt others.

I'm just rambling but Jesus fucking Christ if you think having a weird noncon kink or thinking it's fun to write about is EVIL then the next group on the chopping block after you take down Problematic Ships is the rest of some BDSM group and after that it's The Leather Gays who are part of WHAT pride IS. After that it's the normal Gays™ then it's the Women™

Purity culture (at least in my opinion) is BAD. I AM TRAUMATIZED by it and struggling to not feel shame and guilt over having a fucking kink for wholesome BDSM, so much as my future husband popping a boner because he thinks I'm hot, or thinking I CAN kiss him one day without having to do mental gymnastics shit how I won't be getting a fucking DISEASE AND DYING or that everyone will think I'm a horny sexual deviant and that I'm literally trash (Look up the tape, spit cup, or flower analogy) and will never be loved by my family and friends if I commit the cardinal sin of engaging with something sex-adjacent.

The ONLY resources I can find to help myself is fucking "ex-christian" forums and I WAS NEVER A CHRISTIAN. I never believed in God. I never went to church. I'm just a victim of state funded Christian purity politics ravaging my ALREADY traumatized tween/teen/young adult brain. I grew up trying to be the model perfect goodest boy ever with good grades, never stepping out of line, never fighting my parent, or advocating for myself, doing everything I was told, because I was told and believed that if I was good and worked hard I would be okay. Now I'm almost 30, traumatized to hell and back, struggling with the fact that I'm probably physically disabled and will never know financial stability on top of it all. It's a lot.

The world is already cruel. Don't fuck up human lives over fucking fanfiction and ships. Please.

I'll get off of my soapbox now. Sorry. I might delete this later. I probably don't know enough about this weird fandom shipping shit to comment on it but it's just so similar to what fucked up my friends and I that I just wanted to put in my two cents. I'm not here to justify pedophilia or whatever the fuck goes on. I just want to say please don't hurt people over their stupid "bad" "gross" kinks or experiences.

Okay. Real talk for a second.

I think what bothers me the most about this post is how this person is spreading puritan rhetoric, making people paranoid, uncertain, and fearful about the media they consume and create... And then selling the cure to those fears back to them, through the same community that created all those fears in the first place.

"You think you're a freak because of things we instilled in you. You will always be welcome in the community that instilled it in you."

It's freakishly cult like. I really hope people don't fall for this.

[shouting-at-the-telly-though]

shipping thingo from twitter

Three shipping tropes I love:

- pretend dating/pretend relationship - accidental marriage - huddling for warmth

Three shipping tropes I don't love:

- unrequited love - love triangles (if they are... not resolved with happy poly lol) - extreme jealousy = "proof of how much I love you"

One emotional aspect of a relationship that always gets me:

TRUST. Like, the deep kind of trust that becomes simply part of who they are together, and how they are together; just... underlying everything about the relationship. Absolute mutual trust is my #1 kink, honestly.

A physical aspect of a ship that always gets me:

...too many?? IDK. Uh, casual, easy, comfortable touching. Especially if one of the characters isn't usually into being touched in general, but likes it with this person. Also, sitting on each other's laps. I'm v. weak for that.

Multiship or monoship:

Ha, I have *always* been a multishipper. Very, very rarely I will fall into a groove with one pair but it's... so rare. My ships are plentiful, and entirely contradictory, and that's why you'll run into random surprises in the backgrounds of stories. :P (That said, I will often end up focused on one or two particular characters. So, sure, I'm writing different pairings or ot3s or whatever, but it's still roughly the same people popping up over and over again.)

Rarepair or mainstream:

I 100% read both. But I often end up writing rarer things, bc... idk, I generally write what I wish I were reading, except nobody has written it, or I've already read all the fics. Or, you know, I like a character that people don't let fuck. Cough. Etc.

Polyamory or monogamy:

I am here for polyamory, uh, all the time. I love characters who are full of feelings, and relationships strong (and flexible) enough to share, and I also have *many* thoughts about different people bringing different things to a relationship. 💜 ...it's probably also extension of my absolute trust kink. AND is probably why I mainly write polyfidelity, or at least 'kitchen table' polyamory, ha. ANYWAY obviously I also write a mountain of monogamy. Sometimes I just want my characters to have even more nice things, is all!!

#8 is a top/bottom question, isn't it?

Look, I just think being comfortable with lots of different things in the bedroom is the way to go. I think being open to switching things up is the way to go. I will, now and then, write a character that has a *preference* (see: a long WIP I am currently working on), but you'll never see me being *rigid* about it or, god forbid, applying VALUES to which dick goes where. I don't think it's a personality thing and I dislike it being a status/power thing. TBH, I often look at cases where a writer has gotten very invested in who tops *esp. with specific values added to that specific act*, and I wonder find myself wondering if they also interpret PIV sex through that lens. Which. Honestly? Really fucking sad. (Probably fighting words, but whatever.) Sex is so much more than just... that.

Do I always have romantic ships for fandoms?

Pretty much. There are many fictional relationships (family, friends, etc) that I care about deeply in various canons but, ah, if I'm engaging in fandom? I'm probably going to have a romantic focus bc... that's just what I enjoy the most?

[cinnamonest]

If you don't mind me asking, why does femdom make you uncomfortable? And why do you have a kink for misogyny in the first place? Just curious, really, I have nothing to judge- just as a transmasc person kinks rooted in gender are sort of difficult for me to understand.

Ok so I hope you don't mind a long answer lol, I like kink psychology really and it's difficult to put into a short paragraph.

So usually sexual preferences and kinks are based on either being taboo/wrong, or based on comfort -- what makes us feel comforted, safe, and validated. For me (and most people who have it in my experience) all of these are comfort/validation related kinks. I used to think I was the only one but I actually discovered there's a whole community for the sexism kink.

Although I think the modern empowerment of women is great, obviously, for some of us it's actually very daunting and jarring to be held up to this expectation of a "strong independent woman", that is thrown in your face from every direction, especially if it's foreign to you. Which it was for me, having been raised in a very very very conservative background and then thrust into the real world. Most people I've met with this kink have that upbringing in common. There definitely is a sentiment in some aspects of culture/mainstream that you're doing women a disservice or not being a good feminist if you do not meet the standard image of a strong, fiery and independent woman. Idk if it's different for girls who grew up in more egalitarian homes, but that was and still is very intimidating for me.

The whole thing with the more "loving" sexism kink (which is my preference, as I'm not fond of the free use cruel type of sexism) is you have the reassurance of love, with the comfort of a provider/protector and the reassurance that you don't have to be a strong, independent person. You can be dependent, dumb, needy, and weak, and that's ok, because nothing more is expected of you. And it's even a good thing that you are loved and appreciated for - it's good to be those things. It's comforting and validating, because it is an expectation I can meet. It's reassuring to accept being "inferior." It's also familiar because it's what I'm used to.

And of course, there's the whole concept of being property and some degradation/humiliation factor with the inferiority as well, which is a very common kink, and this is just one possible manifestation of it. So it combines those concepts of comfort with degradation -- it's sweet, loving degradation, which is a rare, hard to achieve thing that I like a lot. Also, submission and loss of control are very common kinks, and this once again is just one possible form.

And for the men, from what I have gathered from discussions with them, it makes them feel powerful and in control, which are typically things that make dominant men feel secure/comforted or reassured. So you also get the good feeling of knowing you are making the other party happy/feel good.

Consequently femdom does the opposite. Makes me feel nervous and very uncomfortable. Seeing men be submissive to women gives me a skin-crawling sort of feeling. It just feels "wrong" and jarring. Weirdly enough though I like femdom in Yuri/GL, I can still project myself onto the bottom. It only bothers me when it's het femdom. Not that I have a problem with it or think it's bad, I'm glad people have a spectrum of sexual tastes and respect them all, it just bothers me personally.

As for the incest... In general, most people like incest for the closeness/love factor, or the tabooness. Incest is, of course, extremely controversial in real life, so it has the "sin" appeal that a lot of people get excited by.

As for specifically momcon, one, there's a limited amount of incest dynamics there, and virtually all of them involve being young and/or usually have themes of virginity, like daughter or sister. Female virginity is another thing that unsettles me a bit, so I avoid it (but also don't mind it so much that I need warnings or anything). I like projecting onto milfs/women way older than I actually am -- I honestly couldn't tell you why that is. I've thought about it a lot but I can't figure it out. But I love older woman x younger man content, which the mom thing allows for. Two, because it just feels more shocking and fucked up/taboo than the others. Three, the role reversal is a big aspect. I love anything where the woman was originally in a position of power and has it stripped away from the one beneath her - so like a student noncon-ing a teacher, little brother on older sister, son on mom, employee on boss, etc. Four, despite that, there's still some semblance of control -- it's more "safe" in some ways.

All in all though that doesn't accurately cover the full reasons, bc to be honest I'm not 100% confident why I like the mom stuff so much more than other forms of incest. I think it has something to do with the emotional closeness, feeling of betrayal, unexpectedness, the victim blaming potential (since you raised them), etc. There's also the concept of being trapped by ones own love -- a mother's love tends to be unconditional. So unlike most cases of noncon, mothers often struggle to hate or want to take action against the son, which puts them in a difficult position.

Or maybe I just exist to make Freud smile in his grave.

[gibbearish]

like. holy fuck dude this is not so much a rules list as a big flashing neon sign that your group sucks to be in because someone who would write this runs it. theres so much here thats just????? first of all "generally gross pictures" once again. do you know what website youre on. because i feel like you maybe dont. like "generally gross" describes most mainstream ppls opinion of any kink content at all lmao. second of all, if your ptsd is so bad even glancing a penis will trigger it then you should not be joining fetish websites full stop. like avoiding situations where youll be heavily exposed to triggering material is p much step one in self care. but very cool of you to use smth like that as a gotcha. third having a sexual profile picture on a sexual website is not the same as sending dick pics??? idk how to explain someones Profile Pic Existing is not the same as dming women to send them penis pics unsolicited. once again it is a nsfw website do you go on pornhub and complain theres dicks there too? fourth just type "ive never heard of npd and think narcissict is a catchall term for anyone i find selfish. or really just annoying" its way quicker. and the condescending tone is just 👌👌👌 delectable. "sure you can be a terrible garbage person if you REALLY want, we technically can't stop you we guess🙄🙄🙄" ok man. also "there are too many males anyways - gotta thin the herd" yep totally cool and normal thing to say

its interesting browsing groups on fetlife and reading thru the rules cause so many of them are like "NO POSTING IF YOU HAVE A PENIS PROFILE PIC. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT KIND OF THING" n its like. sir this is the wanting to see that kind of thing website