#idk i could go all day theres so many good books

[inkaoatmilk]

All those fantasy books, mits, legends, different worlds, parallel universes, mystical creatures, illusion, miracles, monsters, dreams, gods, heroes and villains, witches, fairies, elves. And you're telling me magic can't be real?

Yeah, I'm not buying it.

[kindred-spirit-93]

I KINDA CLEANED MY WINDOWS!!

its probably going to rain and render my efforts useless but idc its been bothering me for so long and today i did the bare minimum and im happy. i used wipes lol i can see dust lines but still. a win is a win

--

kinda going through it. i think its a quarter life crisis lmao (or half whos to say ;)) except its very chill. like milestones and relationships arent bothering me (all in good time im in no rush) and i dont feel like im behind or missing out on anything.

im just existing and trying to make it till graduation yk? im tired

skipped another class today lol (last one no promises tho) to go to the cafeteria again. im allowing myself to compromise bc i really am not feeling great. ofc theres no one but myself to blame for that lol but this aint about her. also social anxiety can go cry in the corner >:)

--

wearing my emotional support turtleneck lmao, ate a bite of yesterdays carrot cake (divine), my beloved honeybee plushie is within arms reach. im trying. and its progress

new year tomorrow so hopefully ill snap into it again and feel better after studying and ticking a few boxes. hopefully.

so many things i want to do. short term and long term. so little time and barakah these days. but we persist.

--

i love my patho prof so much. my uncle taught her during at some point and she worked with another uncle of mine for some time so she knows the family well. shes so wonderful and always keen to learn and help (conflict of interest who? im joking were all very professional which surprisingly is the opposite of the norm here. but thats an essay for another time)

yesterday after class she read and went through the physicians oath (fun fact theres a muslim version! and generally modern versions lol iirc the og hippocratic one was a bit wild) with us and its beautiful. i plan on printing it out and sticking it somewhere i can see.

anyway i think its important to keep the end goal (visibly) in sight bc its easy esp for me to get caught up in the minutiae of the every day and get overwhelmed, so its a good reminder for me to renew my intention every now and again, and to appreciate how far ive come :)

--

dont u hate it when ur upset or angry and then every inanimate object in existence conspires against u. like wtf are u doin. why are u unionising and why tf is it against me??? im on ur side u jerks >:'(

in ther news my baby cousin is the cutest lil man on the planet his shenanigans are always hysterical. yesterday he left all his toys to go play with the aubergines lmao. legos? nah we stacking tuna cans XD

--

my dads meeting a friend today so i asked him over lunch what [friends] phd was about since his bachelors is in arabic. like what research do u do in languages, and he said the master thesis was abt the sentence structure of the nabataean language (aramaic i think) and how it resembles arabic. and if thst isnt the coolest fricking thing idk what is

i love languages so much i really wish i could learn every langauge under the sun and read every book in existence. maybe in heaven lol. anyway i asked him if he could ask him to recommend me a book and he said he will :3

the 2 books i bought last year when we went to turkiye abt the ottoman empire sitting on my shelves collecting dust: this bitch

--

my hands are cold and im getting too lazy to type lol. thank u for reading this far, might post some class doodles today idk (my attention span these days is truly something scandalous)

hope ur all doing well! take care of yo selves, drink water or ill personally hunt u down, and enjoy da fireworks tonight!

"with alarm, your scholar" - kindred

[melonsharks]

Tell us everything about the parent trap au immediately please please please

to give u an insanely quick rundown with a wip art i have:

aziraphale as elizabeth. wedding dress designer under his pen name A.Z. Fell. (hes an artist as confirmed in s2 and the whole "drawing on napkins" thing elizabeth would do appeals to me immensely)

crowley as nick. owns a vineyard. I NEED HIM TO OWN A VINEYARD SO BAD. shoutout to Old Vines on ao3 for changing me in a fundamental way. he makes wines and he tends to the vines and he is so passionate about it to an abusurdist degree. he yells at his vines when they arent growing right. you already knowwww.

when they meet for the first time, they don’t meet on a boat like in the movie, they actually meet at a wedding party :J crowley was a wine collector, just starting out. he loved offering aziraphale samplings of his most vintage collection out of impulse. (he likes seeing the way aziraphale savors them) (he’s besotted) Wants to own his own vineyard one day. aziraphale, on the other hand, has dreams of becoming a fashion designer of sorts, always drawing ideas on any scraps of paper he can find. his designs are very old fashioned, but thats like… part of the appeal. his work very much reflects who he is, and the people who flock to it understand that.

they enter this kind of… whirlwind relationship, they get married, and then eventually adopt two golden haired blue eyed baby boys. twins. :J warlock and adam.

they break things off because aziraphale leaves... alluding to their recent breakup in season two, the reason he left was because "we both clearly had very different ideas on where our lives were going. so. i packed up and left." (parallel s2 divorce 😋 they don’t know how to talk to each other) (aziraphale throws a book at his head after this argument, like the hairdryer in the movie LOL. it was pride and prejudice. crowley still has it.)

aziraphale leaves with adam. warlock is left with crowley. crowley eventually leaves London because he finds he cant stand being anywhere near Aziraphale (hes just irresistible in that way), and he goes to California where he finally fulfills his dream of owning a vineyard. a nice one on Napa, Northern California.

Aziraphale’s wedding dresses become more and more well known, Adam grows well-adjusted. Same kid you know from the show and book, natural born leader, a good head on his shoulders. (Aziraphale has no idea why Adam is like that, but he is so proud)

Crowley’s vineyard (The Garden Of Eden) grows and grows… Warlock is spoiled rotten, but he does love actually working at the vineyard with Crowley to and he and Crowley have a really good relationship…

Eventually the kids go to a summer camp together in London (i dont know if they . do this in the UK, but suspend your disbelief if you will) Adam meets The Them there, then meets Warlock after a nutty fencing thing, they kind of hate each other at first and the rest is history :J

side characters UM. LOL. idk……. i mean i kind of know but not really? theres just so many possibilities that make the rounds in my head. chessy could be anathema OR nina (ive had people suggest eric too?) and martin could be newt OR maggie (ive also had people suggest muriel????) gestures vaguely.

as for meredith…….erm…………🤷‍♂️ ive had everything under the sun suggested to me and i still……have no idea. LOL. gabriel, lucifer, shaX, FURFUR, THE WIFE FROM THE NON-SPOILER SPOILERS. I DONT KNOW. IT ALL FEELS WRONG. its hard to come up with this role in particular when these gay bitches literally only have eyes for each other. always. forever. u know. i think lucy is like. the classic answer. but idfk.

ask me about . more things if u want. this is consuming my every thought.

anyways the cover im working on for. for something:

[enzoarweq]

(im talking about the characters q!, not the cc!)

imo no one else seems to understand the landduo/foolhalo relationship is much much deeper than "he's a friend who annoys me and i love to annoy him" or "they are secretly in love" in fact i might be as bold as to say NO ONE does till this day. which is pretty funny how they understand and notice the littlest things about each other but no one can see their deep bond despite that... tho to be fair Bad has said multiple times that he praises Foolish till high heaven from his skills, smarts, to his good looks but he would never ever admit it or say it to his face. (he RARELY does actually so when it happens, we all cheer and die) same for foolish.

Jaiden, who is probably one of the closest to Foolish rn said recently no one else takes Foolish srsly or that they are like outcasts of the island or that no one cares for Leo (para). and im like um theres literally Bad who cares a lot for Foolish and Leo. and has said multiple times that he is much more intelligent than ppl have granted him to be (but ofc she doesn't know, she doesn't know the early moments where they would hang out together almost all the time, constant banter, she doesn't know of THE convo where Bad literally for his advice and was treating and talking to him like two gamemasters in equal footing talking about the games they will play, she doesn't know should anything happen to Bad, he left Dapper in Foolish's care, Foolish constantly leaves Leo in Bad's care, she doesn't know that Leo loves and adores his Tio Bad, she doesn't know a lot of their "true hidden" relationship/sides, she doesn't know how easy Foolish can read Bad like an open book like that mine roulette game which i think she participated but not when both bad and foolish were playing iirc etc etc) not to mention theres also Roier who cares a lot for Leo and vice versa and constantly thinks about her (but this post about foolhalo so i digress)

There was also that moment with Bagi and Tubbo where they were like go ahead and cage Foolish or smtg. like daring Bad to do it. Bad was like aww thats no fun, its boring (cuz yk theres no song and dance, theres no arguing back n forth, it was just that). so when foolish shows up and bad was like hey could u step in ig *shrugs* Foolish was like urgh ok ig. I still remember Bagi's and Tubbos reaction, they were like mildly surprised. like ok what now. Bagi then said to Foolish, hey Bad is insane. Foolish then replied, yeah i fcking knew that already (in a so what tone) and again, Bagi seemed slightly taken aback. Tubbo then went on a rant about them being in love or smtg idk.

or the time when Bad would make a torture chamber for Foolish which he willingly went along cuz why not. and ppl were making angst about it as if Foolish didn't just walk into the torture chamber willingly to play a fun torture game with Bad smh.

also the time when Foolish was hiding his hurt over Leo's absence but Bad knew deep inside he feels deeply. that time where Foolish will run away from everyone else when confronted about his feelings but finally stood silently besides Bad in comfort, instead of a hug. (wasn't Jaiden there for that?)

--

theres soooo many foolhalo landduo moments where so many fans just blatantly ignore, like they have selective memory. genuinely confuses me everytime, like are we even watching the same POV.

theres also a lot of moments where ppl were gen mad at bad for the pranks n shit, like its 2023 ppl, we've been thru with this already in dsmp, do better pls. (ik them be new fans but still urgh)

[achillesisnotcomingdown]

I finished ToA not long ago and I wanted to write down some thoughts/scenes that stick with me

(in chronological (ish) order, watch out for spoilers)

Theres an italian girl at camp ! It means Nico gets to practice and speak italian ! (which probably haven't happened in about 70 years)

Will introducing Nico as "my boyfriend". I already knew they would be canon, but reading that line felt weird /pos

Apollo sees Solangelo and think of himself and Hyacinth

That night when Kayla and Austin disappeared and Apollo left to look for them, it probably was the first night Will ever spent alone in his cabin

Apollo's insane body dysmorphia. He's a god, he can always take the physical form he is the most comfortable and confident in... Until now. He is stuck in a body that isn't his, he feels ashamed, when he sees certain traits in others he find them charming or pretty, but when it's on him then it's disgusting. He complain that everything is this body's fault (ex. he wouldn't have been touched by the Eurynomos if it wasn't for his chub.)(I could go on for hours)

Lityerses ! I love that guy. Idk why i love him that much. He is my best guy.

Apollo's reaction to Commodus' name. His flashback of him. So painful he was physically sick.

Apollo talking Helios out of killing them, because he just want to be free, not to hurt them.

APOLLO ATTEMPT TO KHS TO STOP THEM ?? IM A SUCKER FOR SOME GOOD PAINFUL SELF SACRIFICE.

Jason. I'm not talking about Jason. I can't speak about Jason.

Frank and Apollo ! They are so fond of each other !!!

Apollo heard all of Frank's prayers when he was unclaimed and wished he could've adopted him.

And Frank respecting Apollo as a god although he is *vaguely gesture at Apollo/Lester*

Reyna saying aloud that she doesn't want nor needs romance. It's so rare to see aromantic representation and Rick did it so well.

Literally Apollo singing his way out of situations.

FRANK'S SELF SACRIFICE!!! (He already had one of my favorite character development before that)

APOLLO KILLING COMMODUS ??? why do never talk about that it's one of the best deaths I've ever seen that was BADASS AND FULL OF EMOTIONS.

Apollo slowly dying out of poison and the Dodona Arrow doing everything it can to keep him conscious.

I hope Dakota didn't get killed off just to give Lavinia the role of Centurion. I love my boy Dakota, and his death felt kind of meaningless, except for her rank up :/ also i feel like it doesn't suit Lavinia. Some ppl are strong and good and trustable but just not made to order others. (ill prop make a full post about that)

Dionysos confirmed to be an annoying little brother!

Nico. How does Rick manage to always give him more issues. Leave the kid alone.

When Will glows, Apollo is genuinely impressed and tells him how proud he is.

Nico destroying Nero's door with his giant zombie bull. That was cool.

When Apollo gets stabbed in Nero's tower and think it's the end, he prays "Zeus, Artemis, Leto, anyone"

And in general the few parts he talks about Leto, he's such a momma's boy and I love it.

When Apollo left for Delphi... I was fully expecting Meg to go with him. I was so worried that he went alone while already feeling that weakened from the previous events.

DODONA ARROW. FOREVER IN MY HEART.

Artemis is here when Apollo wakes up. She's by his side, she's the first person to tell him he succeeded, she hold him while he sobs...

The first thing he does is to greet his horses :) and then to see his friends.

When he gets back to the Dodona bush ! To tell them all how brave and heroic the Arrow have been !

I could spend hours talking about the character developments of Apollo, Meg and the Dodona Arrow (i love the arrow so much you have no idea) but its for another day

There's many things I didn't talk about, but the post is already long enough. I love those 5 books, and Apollo is an amazing narrator.

I love the Arrow of Dodona with all my heart.

[velaraffricate]

i think im kind of burnt out from worldbuilding/conlanging btw. idk, theres just so much stress in my life right now and all artistic ventures of mine have suffered. and i think - idk, i really wanted to make a proper naturalistic evolved conlang, cus it seems like that the pinnacle of conlanging, right - all the best ones in the business do it this way, and i wanted to be good at conlanging so bad, it's something i love so much, but this is the second time now ive sat down to really really try and properly evolve a conlang and i just get so burnt out. its mostly the grammatical and lexical evolution that are the problem. its just all so fucking complicated i dont even know where to start or how to document it.

i wanted so badly to make these super complicated naturalistic conlangs that you could write whole books about just explaining the grammar but i just can't. it's just not fun for me. and i think i'd rather have fun and make something mediocre, but still keep making conlangs at all, and just accept that theyre not gonna be as impressive. ive been doing this hobby for like over three years now but ive scrapped and reworked everything so many times that right now i have nothing to show for it, no language at all that im really happy with. wanting to improve is good obviously but i was chasing a perfection i was never going to achieve.

im still working on my worldbuilding and stories here and there. i reworked my spell and deity system a little bit and im rewriting the info for the spells, just chipping away at it slowly. but yeah im kinda doing it a bit uninspiredly. i just want to keep doing it so bad. i dont want to lose this

honestly this all was mostly fueled by linguistics being my autistic special interest. and dont get me wrong, ive always been interested in linguistics and it'll likely always stay that way, but in the past couple months or even just weeks music (and specifically metal) has kind of supplanted linguistics as my SI and so much brainspace is devoted to that that im not spending on linguistics anymore. it really does terribly pain me to say that im just not as interested in it anymore as i was a year or two ago.

so idk, all this to say that ill probably take a bit of a break from this blog, privately reassess how i wanna proceed with this hobby and try to get over my feelings of inadequacy and hopefully come back one day when im feeling more inspired and confident.

[puppyxaegon]

I have some questions.

What are all your favourite ships whether than are canon or not canon, from books, tv shows or movies.

What are all your favourite romance and character tropes.

Okay this ask is over a YEAR old but I never saw it so sorry lol,, that being said my all time fav ships in order of when I got into them include:

Frank/Gerard of MCR: This was the first ship I genuinely got super feral and invested in and learned all the lore and history and spent hours reading smut of them every night in middle school. I think this is the only RPF ship I still interact with to this day because they're just too perfect idk in an alternate universe they're together forever.

Stiles/Derek from Teen Wolf: My first love in terms of fictional ship, this one is very cutesy and nostalgic for me bc of my age at the time of watching, also my first time feeling the agony and evil of unfulfiled queerbaiting because WHY did Derek have that twink thrown up against the wall like that if not...

Marcline/Princess bubblegum from AdvT: One of my very rare sweet and wholesome ships,, I can't even think of them sexually I just love them and they make me cry

Carl/Negan from TWD: It feels weird to include this for obvious reasons but at the time Negan appeared in the show I was the same age as carl and that whole storyline rewired my brain and heavily impacted my sexuality lmao so that's that. I was just a silly little fujo and Carl was my self insert ahaha I was crazy back then

Ramsay/Theon/Reek from GoT/ASOIAF: To this day this is THE ship for me. I have never been more into a ship than Thramsay it's ruined my life a bit. Their whole arc in season 3 with Ramsays growing obsession and Theon's transformation into reek made me realize that there is something wrong with my brain bcs I was NOT thinking normal thoughts about them. Theon is also one of my fav characters like ever he's so tragic and beautiful and do I relate to him and see him as a self insert a bit too much?? Who's to say. I also think this ship is so adaptable and amazing in so many different AUs and also explores and psyches of both characters amazingly blah blah blah I could go on for hours about this so I'll cut myself off now but I'm always down to gab about these characters, as a ship or just in general.

Jennifer/Needy from Jennifer's body: I don't have as much to say about them BUT their dynamic is so ajshsksksis childhood besties who grow to be very different people but still grow up to be attached at the hip is something I love very much. Also they way they're like obsessed with each other and lowkey want each other so bad but neither of them understand it so they just end up destroying each other instead???? Spectacular I'll take 14 more.

Billy/Steve from Stranger Things (+Tommy if ya nasty): This is another ship that's like beautiful and perfect to me I think they go together so well their tension in the show is crazy and they just look so good together??? I was a Billy devotee from the start and lemme tell y'all when season 3 hit the streets????? and Billy was getting physically and emotionally destroyed every single episdose???? Trust me I was feeling things. Also regarding Billy being canonically racist,,,I'm black and I kinda dgaf I think that was kinda a random choice by the creators, its not integral to the character and its easy to do away with in fic! Also Harringrove is in the running for my personal best ship names ever.

Billy/Stu from Scream: WAITER??? MORE REPRESSED GAYS CLINGING TO EACH OTHER FOR SURVIVAL IN A WORLD THAT DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THEM!!! I love how goofy and chaotic and dramatic and immature they are, ellos son toxicos but they need each other I think. Also the fact that an actual QUEER CODED THIS (gay director) theres so much subtext and little things between them so theres just a lot of explore.

For romantic tropes, I'll make this section a lil shorter because I'm already writing a novel here but I very much enjoy: Tragic/doomed/haunting the narrative characters, strong power dynamics, mutual obsession, obsessive/emotional villans, secret relationships, captive/captor, childhood friends to lovers, opposites attract, unrequited crushes/love, rebounds, and lastly whatever the FUCK Theon Greyjoy got going on.

Honorable mention ships: Eddie/Buck (911), Stiles/Lydia (Teen Wolf), Byler (ST), Phan (youtube RPF), Reylo (Star Wars), Stucky (MCU), Rick/Negan (TWD) Loras/Renly (GoT), Ryden (band RPF), Klaine (Glee), Ben/Maddie/Ren (Siren), Dan/Herbert (reanimator)

Thank you for this ask and sorry its so late bc I love talking about my blorbos!!!

[dream-bandit]

THANK YOU GUYS . Cringe culture is so dead but the demons get to me sometimes i get scared 😢

OKAY. Warrior cats au Anyone h ave name suggestions bc since it alters from WCs world building a bit i dont know if i should use the name. I am breaking so many wc rules here and idc

Okay so here, each clan is a lot bigger than the ones in the books. Like a whole city population with a lot of forest ground.

Mr oz (dont have a name for him) Is a warrior whos been around for a good while. He mentored both hannah, a somali cat (NAME REC PLEASE) and beau, Nightpaw but maybe his warrior name becomes Nightcatcher, maybe also a black Cornish Rex? hed also have blue eyes and hannah would have yellow.

Lunia was a sort of leader-medicine cat thing, new role i came up with , being really connected with starclan or stuff. dreamclan.? Not the exact leader, Abraham is, but is kinda moreso the spiritual leader and despite not fighting TOO MUCH everyone holds her in high respect across all clans

Migo wasnt an apprentince really but just a helper for her, maybe she can be a little mouse or something that lunia conjured/tamed with magic (yes magic will exist here because Im not restricting myself to wc rules IM BEING SILLY AND HAVING FUN) But because of her duties she didnt have time to hang out like they used to before lunia got into her role. Migo wants to remove her magic so she can just stay with her forever as a normal medicine cat and not have to go out and risk her single life in the most dangerous battles. Because she has magic shes really strong but also it makes her a huge target for cats against the clans, if she dies then it could risk the entire multiple clans relationship since they no longer have a common leader

Migos attempt at stealing her magic kindaa work out bc she has really fucked up magic powers now that require sacrifices to work or something❤️, perhaps all the power is in a special item... like maybe a bone/tooth from lunia on a collar , but in their final battle Lunia seals her SOMEWHERE and she disappears in the process. Lunia wanted to forgive Migo and go back so she never told anyone that the Nightmare king and her were the same person, she only said that something captured the little mouse.

So the Nightmare King is a sort of rodent/canine/monster thing trapped somewhere in the dark forest or something (idk i never read the arcs that focus on the dark forest and i dont plan to!this is my au i get to make my own logic no one correct me okay !!)

The loss of Lunia hit mr ozs team hard (hannah and beau were already warriors by this point) and they go try to destory a remnant of the nightmare kings weapon or something (since lunias tooth would be the hourglass equivalent. mr oz has it hidden somewhere because he doesnt trust the clans leader with it) Oh also mr oz turned down an offer to be deputy of all the clans .

Um more world building. because im coming up with stuff as i write this post. Theres like a main head leader for all the clans(branches) which is Royce, its just the deputy-leader system but it applies to all clans instead of just one.i guess

ALSO !! Astrid is Royces apprentince, its rare for the main leader to be a mentor so it means royce sees a lot of potential in her. i think she built her own little wheel thing to get around easier because she still wants to be a warrior cat / be able to participate in battles. Royce sees her as 'the next Lunia' and astrid isnt totalllyyyy on board with that but still she doesnt want to miss the chance to prove herself

OH ALSO ! Hannah lore.. I think she was a barn cat before Nightpawfound her one day when he was sneaking out of camp. They both hit it off and become really good friends and nightpaw wants to invite her to the clan and hannah agrees because she wants to be with him and it seems cool to her. Nightpaw confesses to oz about meeting her and while hes mad, he agrees to mentor her because no one else wants to mentor a random barn cat

Okay so then after nightcatcher and the others go to the gnorfs to try and destroy the nightmare kings weapon (the gnorfs can be beavers....) Nightcatcher gets a bit corrupted and over time it corrupts him fullly, it. makes him bitter and hateful. He tries to stay through it but a bit after hannah getes pregnant he leaves her and then the entire clans in general, he becomes a rouge and he wanders into the dark forest because he feels the nightmare king calling him from there. mr oz is really upset with it and checks in constantly with hannah to make sure shes doing alright and to be able to comfort each other.. Mr oz never had a mate so he saw them both as his own children kind of

one day hannah just cant take it anymore and she goes out by herself to try and find nightcatcher and they eventually come across eachother but she sees how he got corrupted and he fights her to go back, but doesnt touch her physically because he doesnt want to hurt her he just wants her to get away from him and the path he chose

hannah runs off but before going back to the clan area she gets found by some humans and they take her in and care for her. Shes kinda trapped there now but she tries to make the most of it there

She gives birth to zoey and theyre really close but then hannah dies due to illness around the time zoey is old enough to be an apprentince. Hannah never told her about the clans and all that but occasionally some warrior cats came to the farm theyre on to nab some herbs and stuff so theyve encountered them.

then one day the night hunter comes to where her and her owners are and maybe he attacks them or something, taking quite a bit of the livestock there. MAYBE Hm.. Okay so then zoey tries fighting him off and it doesnt go to well for the night hunter because he realizes thats his child and he doesnt want to hurt her and then he merges with the shadows and leaves quickly when the humans come running out. NOW EITHER zoey is upset that he killed a lot of the livestock and just wants to go out and do something else so she becomes a rouge before getting adopted into a clan, OR orrr her owners see the claw marks on the livestock and the blood on zoey and assume shes the one who attacked them and that shes too feral and agressive to be a pet for them so they throw her out </3 Forcing her to have to go out and hunt for herself. Eventually she saves the main kids while theyre. just barely apprentice age becase they snuck out to save cooper from something and since they were still kits they coudlnt defend themselves all too well so zoey saves them yahhh OKAY. Thats enough for this post i think/ OH BUT ALSO YEAh zoey wants revenge on the night hunter for taking away the only sembelance of family she had left yipeeee

[cali]

im a different anon but im just curious what advice you would give to someone whos been pillbugging it for um. over a year now

mmm i cant really answer how to stop having depression which im guessing is what u mean + i dont know how ur head works but ive been living mostly NEET-ly for more than 2 yrs now and everyday im getting a better curve at dealing with it so i can tell u what works for me.

half the time when im pillbugging hard im paralyzed by a nontangible fear and the only thing that could stop it is adressing wherever the fear is coming from but the confrontation of the topic, trying to figure out where its even coming from, is terrifying too so i dont do it and stay swimming in tar. theres a sentence people keep saying when they explain why they watch 2 hour video essays "it makes my head go quiet". thats the enemy, the thought, not the person saying it. long term i mean. when its short term anguish that can be bridged by pillbugging its fine i think but if ur "making ur head quiet" for more than a month i urge u to make it go really loud again but thats hard. the only times i can try and confront those thoughts is when i feel otherwise nice, if i got externally forced to have a fun day, hike with my papa, date day with my girlfriend, sometimes just got myself to make a nice meal and it helped, when u feel better its a little less scary and u can maybe try and think out of it a little better. also i think on those days youre generally more positively charged so u got more hope outlook. COOL. i think this is why some people do meditation. im not good at it so i dont really know but i think its a brave pasttime of tackling unpleasant ideas. i used to try and dope my way out of it with lsd cuz everytime i used it it kind of forced me to confront whatever trouble i had but ive forbad myself that cuz i didnt want to rely on it as crutch + it was just unpleasant to get hit over the head everytime. now i only do it when i feel good already (havent done it in half a year lol). sorry, drug tangent. also weed is synonymous with pillbugging 4 me.

otherwise, rituals.... mmmmm..... when therapists and whoevers say stuff like take daily walks daily exercise take daily shower i think all of those are like half about the direct benefits they give and half just about doing anything regularly. cuz it helps. during pillbug hours the point for me is kind of to have time pass as fast as possible so the timeframe to hurt is reduced which is counterproductive cuz if it flows u by rlly hard u cant really grasp onto anything to get off the ride easily. and its never going to come really easy theres no probable single action or event that is going to singlehandedly pull u out of the mire, no rapture, no healing vitamin, its always going to be slow and tedious and boring and stupid but a routine is a nice framework to start that. brushing ur teeth is nice. and when u do something daily the days start becoming more tangible again and u will be able to tell how many days ago tuesday was. maybe u can think abotu what factors motivate u and twist them to do your biddinggg. shame and dissapointment works really well for me if i tell someone i will have this done by then and i dont it usually overpowers the malaise or whatever other reason has been making me not do it prior. but this requires social bonds and i cant guarantee u have those. in summer i started doing therapy cuz in germany i need it for transgenderism and shes also a good beacon for that, if she says do something until next time we meet i dont want to dissapoint her. other than that, um idk, everyting else is just kind of part of that. take walks even if u dont want to think about things even if its scary. be brave like childrens book illustration of knight slaying dragon. and then maybe u get a princess kiss

[armandcock]

getting sappy thinking abt how armand would’ve seen huge shifts in queer and trans rights by the time he’s around 400. like in his youth people were still queer and trans around the world obvi but legally recognized partnerships/marriages and social acceptance were vastly different depending on location/culture. but things really start changing faster in the late 20th century. he watches as entire countries not only legalize marriage but have anti-discrimination laws and protections for queer and trans folks.

he watches as schools include trans and queer books in libraries, small businesses openly support the community, and good faith discussion is actively encouraged. it’s never perfect, of course, there’s always naysayers or places that are still fighting for basic movements. but even those things are in the media and conversation as legitimate issues rather than kept secret entirely or disregarded by society as a whole.

so yeah like armand experiencing this whole odyssey of not only discovering himself as a queer/gay man, but the entire world shifting around him. he meets daniel in 1973 when gay marriage is still illegal in America. and then BOOM it’s the new millennium and Massachusetts legalizes marriage equality in 2004 and THEN by 2015 it’s the entire U.S.??? it’s almost mind boggling. so many fought for trans and queer lives and happiness and many passed before they could see their efforts to fruition. armand lives long enough to marry daniel if he wants to, the majority of people won’t bat an eye, so he has to admit himself that he isn’t some cursed monster. he survived for a reason and it was so one day he could have the love and acceptance that Arun only dreamed about 🥹

anyway that was whole ass essay and i’m gonna go sob 🥹🥹

WAUGH ;0; honestly i think. Way too much about the massive social shifts the vampires wouldve seen queer n trans rights included & obviously conceptions of queerness & labels & whatnot have changed So much even over the past few decades even over the past few years! & seeing all of that change just must be such a fucking. idk. whiplash? like im on the younger side being 18 & seeing how trans n gay people were talked about from when i was younger to now is SO crazy. its crazy! i can only imagine the kind of cultural whiplash it would induce in someone thousands of years old—esp because iirc italy had pretty normalized pederastic relationships (i mean, Very strictly enforced along the older dominant man / younger submissive boy lines) so just witnessing the change in how different modes of sexuality get changed overtime... i esp have a soft spot for tboy armand looking at the advanced trans healthcare has made over the last couple of decades & realizing that theres Options for people like him yeah? that thinks can change. & of course meeting daniel in the 70s where there were SO many civil rights movements converging ag the same time... Man. really makes you Think.

[abstractlesbian]

It's been 2 weeks since my mom got diagnosed with leukemia and she's reacting super well to treatment and her hospital stay is going as well as it possibly can and her prognosis is good

And I think I'm mostly coping well? The first week I could barely think or focus on anything but I'm starting to get back to normal "shit fucking sucks" stress levels instead of "my mom might die!?!" stress levels

Mental health has been a rollercoaster but the past few years have put me thru the ringer so I'm like oh I feel the paranoia/delusion/fear/dread/insomnia/hypochondria etc coming and I know what tools to reach for

It's not perfect but I'm more prepared to handle my mind than I used to be

I feel like my family is expecting me to go off the rails but I'm very much still on the rails. Theres turbulence but I'm holding strong.

I am making a terrible amount of impulse purchases tho. Woke up this morning and immediately bought a carebear teddy bear I gave away when I was 12. Bought way too many books and steam games this month anytime I was too sad or too stressed. I am my mothers daughter.

I also picked the worst possible time in the world to switch from weekly to bi-weekly therapy but I also don't want to switch back BC there's just so much talking with my dad and my mom and my sister and my grandparents and my coworker friend and my offline friends and my online friends + the journaling

So much updating ppl and talking about feelings and venting and problem solving

I've only had one therapy session since the diagnosis and I was unable to speak for the first 20 mins of it... But I also clearly need an outlet for all this shit BC I'm fucking writing a novel on tumblr rn lmao

But I'm not suicidal. I'm 5mo/5 years 5mo/8mo clean with different self harm methods. Not going overboard with substances, just some weed on Fridays/saturdays.

Only took one day off work, probably should've taken more.

Haven't torpedoed any of my relationships. Haven't had any major fuckups at work.

Not doing the best on chores but my dad and I are splitting the pet care / dishes pretty well and I'm managing to have enough clean clothes for work at least.

Idk shit sucks. Shit is exhausting. Shit is miserable.

But I'm getting thru it.

[agirlwithglam]

Hey, Vanilla!💕

I'm having a problem at school. I'm already in the final stretch of this school year and I have a bit of an idea what's going on. There was this guy in my class I was with for almost a month, and it was really intense, my feelings for him. Everything seemed perfect between us, but after a few weeks, he just seemed to want to run away from me. He'd say he liked me, but then say the problem was him, and it was clear he had emotional baggage. I tried talking to him about it, but it seemed like he didn't want to fix things; he always dodged me.

I could tell you many other things that happened, but I don't want to drag it out. Okay, so we drifted apart, but I always held onto the hope he'd come back and we'd work things out (I feel silly now for thinking that back then). Then, one day, he just showed up, dating another girl (found out through a friend). I felt uneasy when I heard, like I'd been used, just another conquest for him. But, even upset, I moved on.

But then on Monday, he started attending classes again (he rarely went due to work). I can't stand his presence; being around him makes me anxious, to the point my hands shake like I'm freezing all day. Honestly, all I feel when he's near is disgust. My friend gets mad at him because she knows what he did and how he still checks me out when I'm distracted (she keeps me posted). I try to ignore it, but can't focus on my tasks.

I've only shared this with one friend because I feel like she understands me best. I'm telling you this because I want to know how to deal with this situation. Transferring schools isn't an option since I'm almost done with the year, as I mentioned earlier, and switching classrooms isn't possible either (I spend the whole afternoon in the same classroom 😭 because, in Latin America, we don't have different classrooms and materials for each subject).

I don't want to talk to him because being near him makes me nauseous, and I've already tried that when we were closer. The worst part is how calm he seems, like he's unaffected; it makes me angry, and I feel like crying – I can't explain it. Please, help me out Vanilla 😓

(Sorry for my bad English 🥹)

hi princess 💓

ok first of all, i need you to realise and understand that you deserve better. you understand? this boy obviously has some problems which are HIS. its not your job to help or save him okay? especially if he's treating you like this.

also honey, cry. just let it out. let yourself get super upset and tear up papers. embrace this part of being a girl.

and also, distract yourself. i know he's in your class and it feels like he's just in your face, as if trying to flaunt the fact that "he doesn't care", but guess what? it's none of your business! whether he cares or not, ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

what you need to do is put your head down and focus on your own life. your friends, family, health, mindset, grades, career, future, YOURSELF. okay?

also one more thing, heal. maybe theres a part of you that relates or something which makes you feel so angry and emotionally intense around him. idk, im not a therapist or psychiatrist or anything but it might help to speak to a professional or search something up on a trustworthy website.

also off topic but your english? its so good i felt like i was reading a literal story/ book.

i apologise it isnt a lot to go on but i figured that it would be better for me to at least give you something bc if i left it in my drafts im afraid i may not get to it in a whiiiiiiiile.

xoxo, vanilla <3 keep shining!

[frostbite-the-bat]

stop that.

yknow how you can start with idk.. a mascot or vtubing? hit up an artist. support them. pay them. does your friend draw? maybe they'd be willing to help!

or maybe get involved!! start drawing yourself! in this day and age i know people are often very busy but if you have time to look at this ai shit and want a hobby like, as they for example say, fandom or vtubing - you probably have time to draw and design a thing.

its not about affordability, though yes, many adopts are overpriced but artists DESERVE PAYMENT FOR THEIR WORK!!! there are issues with adopts and scams and all this, and i agree that people hyping designs up because they're by someone famous is a bit... meh... and many artists will underprice because of this in the end.. but really. ai. is that your solution. stealing more art?

none of this is embracing creativity. you are stealing artwork. embracing creativity is being brave and drawing something yourself. even if it "sucks" at first - you created something! who else was going to draw it the same way you have? ai sure wont. it's just data making images based on prompts.

nobody can draw like you can!! embrace it!!! that's what is wonderful about art!!! i know people can be rude and exclude newbie artists, and people seek out these sleek "professional" art styles and you will get overlooked in certain areas of the internet if you DO not look like that. but like... why follow that??? just!! do your own thing!!!

i am all for supporting anyone starting art!! it is a difficult journey and i am still going through it!! but if you want to do an artsy thing WITHOUT putting any effort into the art itself... why fucking bother? why care? is art just assets to you??? how swallowed by everything corporate are you???

it's fucking disgusting that these people are SELLING these. art they didn't make themselves. i do give them props for "cleaning them up", at least there is minimal effort put in. but to me it is no excuse. you can draw then, right? make your own adopts!!! hell back then i had worse art and people bought my designs regardless because (it was cheap) and i put it where people sought adoptables in the community!! these people even turned their comments off. you don't even need to speak to them to get an adopt. you just buy it on the side and can download the image (which, is often cropped)

like my hand drawn adopts sold better and faster than most my base adopts - which i think says something??? not to say all base stuff is bad! it is not a bad thing. but going out of a comfort zone and drawing my own thing ended up working for me. here's the art below. it wasnt perfect but it was genuine. y'know?

you can make base adopts!! there were people even sought after and well known back then who made designs on bases and they sold WELL!! it allowed people to buy designs someone made and it was quicker with the help of a base. like as long as those are okay to use by the creator you can use them. theres nothing wrong. its like a coloring book. you still put in some effort and your own spin.

with this ai fixing you just fix the text being weird and the paw being off and are good. you did nothing.

sorry for popping off but it's pissing me off. i do believe that ai could be used for useful things - but art theft like this branded as CREATIVITY AND FREEDOM is. so sick to me. that's what ART is. that's what ANY CRAFT IS. that's not what telling words to a bot that shits out pictures based on other, real artists, art.

im so mad. ai art where fandoms come to life. no, artists who work their asses off making art for things they love out of passion is where fandoms come to life. interacting with fellow fans is where fandoms come to life. not this shit. i feel so bad for the new generation of young deviantart users. it wasnt perfect even back when when i began using it early 2015 - god it was horrible, but at least we didn't have art theft like this painted as CREATIVITY AND ART COMING TO LIFE! no the fuck you dont. but man things sure have changed since 2018, damn.

[bonkbobl]

omg hello !!! it’s me again (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و i’m so shocked that you wrote such great masterpieces in a short amount of time,, i was literally keeping an eye out on your acc because i looked forward to your continuation of beautiful fool so imagine my surprise when you posted not only the continuation, but two more separate one shots !! i literally DEVOURED all of them upon finding out you posted,, make a deal or play a game might have to be my new favorite of yours… he was so freakin devious making the reader beg for him 😭😭 (but so hot???!!!!) i was blushing the whole time agsjdgsj,,, he was so mean but so gentle??? got me giggling and kicking my feet 🤭 i also really loved happy to please (let’s be real here i love all your writings so far THEY WERE ALL SO GOOD)??? reader making him go feral there was so 🤭 i could totally see him pampering her and overstimulating her,, she’s shy but cheeky and devoted and sweet to him and he’s always so surprised like “… i can’t believe she really likes me…” the feeling of being wanted makes him go crazyyyyy LIKE???? … can u imagine the reader shying away during an intimate act of theirs at the end of a long day (maybe she hides her face in her hands bc she’s feeling to much of something) and he’s just like “no i wanna see you” and she’s just flushed and he’s goes even more feral?? (dude what if he interlocks his hands with hers and kisses her like????) what are your thoughts on this 🤔 (i just really like the idea of him going feral over whatever she does lol) anyways, ur a genius dear author <33 i hope you’re having a great time of day wherever you are !! i look forward to reading more of your writing if you have any that are a wip :)) take care !! (thank u for the meals bc u really served <333 i will def be re-reading them hehe) — 🩰 anon

stop it you're so sweet idk who you are but i love you 😭

ok about how quickly i'm writing these, i surprised even myself with that because even a couple years ago when i was at the peak of my fanfic writing days, i'd post like once a day (on my old blog which i deleted) and i've never been that productive again. im happy that people like roose though theres like a noticable lack of content for him.

AND YEAH SDLKFJDF happy to please only came up in my head because i saw a tiktok that said book roose said his first two wives would lay there silently and he found it somewhat endearing that walda would actually be vocal, which i thought was kind of sweet and out of character for him to say. my mind started wandering to what it would look like in action.

i can absolutely imagine like the second time they have sex, reader is very shy, covering her face as you said. and when roose tells her that he wants to see her, she forces herself to look at him. i think the dynamic i wrote in this fic, he's more loving with her so he'd probably prefer to take reader in missionary, particularly with his forearms resting on either side of her head, forehead pressed to hers. it'd make every noise she makes more audible, every microreaction more visible, and every time he wants to he can just lean down and brush her lips with his.

reader's probably braver and tries less to hide her pleasure going into the future.

roose probably never felt this kind of passion with anyone and he'd actually feel excited to bed her, sometimes catching his thoughts wandering during the day. then he snaps himself out of it and is like bruh im stupid theres so much work to do rn and im thinking about my wife. but seeing her is definitely always the highlight of his day.

on the overstimulation, i think reader probably helped him realize how much he likes eating pussy for sure. because shes so sensitive and reactive and she'll grab his hair and buck against his face shamelessly. he just thinks she's the most beautiful, most sexy thing he's ever seen and even after reader has cum so many times, it's addictive to him. he's always like "one more, i know you can give me one more, sweet wife."

its so much to the point of like when he finally fucks her, reader is squirming around so much and he has to calm her down with little kisses to her forehead and temple. and she can feel it every time his pelvis rubs against her clit.

i will be serving hot meals. i dont really know if i can finish by tonight but i have a lot of wips cooking up. i dont know how my posting frequency will change after school starts though so we'll see (it's starting soon)

[giuliano-fan-account]

Life Update

Im looking at my posts and I'm realizing how LONG AND DISORGANIZED they are holy crap and I haven't posted here in a long time

More Long and Disorganized post:

I think thats bc I was intending this account to be mostly posting about giuliano but I can't do it bc even though he changed my life guys hes fr my #1 alwyas and forever theres still so many other things i want to talk about so I'll just do both.

Kinda wanna be more active since i just want to say things all the time and also I should rmember that this is just a silly internet site and not everybody is silently watching me and judging me (well I'm sure like 2 people are, but even so it shouldnt matter that much)

Also sort of regretting my style of posting everything at once since it helps but also hinders me from saying everything i want... LOL

I'm glad people liked my chapter reviews but idk if i could finish it up to 400 bc of what the troupe flashback did to me, and I already made a post about giuliano in chapter 400 so like I think my job here is done

I think im like that 1 wdwune guy rn but like exclusively when Im on tumblr because i have no limits on here and I physically can't not go on a tangent abt this

IM TRYING TO MAKE A POST ABOUT SHALKURO BUT ITS SO HARD BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SAY LMAOOOO

Izunavi x Giuliano is so easy for me to talk about since they are just my brand but other things I'll have to find a way

I also have a post about Bill x Kurapika but like feeling a little shy to post it but if somebody wants me to i will !!!

2 make it up to you here's smth that idk if I will ever finish inspired by sacred by depeche mode its him guys its him (and also if the book has a depeche mode reference i would fall into the cult too)

Anyways have a good day 😄 Let the darkness consume you when you sleep (not in an intrusive thoughts sort of way)

[ellaofcinderellasburg]

i figured you would say vovv!! i love it too!! def a fave from this year for me!! but the claymation short sounds cute i'm gonna check it out 👀 i really gotta get into ducktales though i know you and like everyone else loves it!

but ooh that's the next descendants book coming! i assume you've read them all?? did you read them before the movies came out? but yes i'd love to visit auradon too!! and other places would be halloweentown and the wizard world!

speaking of vovv, who are your favorite characters and why? you can rank if you want! and dynamics too!! do you associate any songs with the characters/dynamics? and did any of those songs or just dc songs make your spotify wrapped or apple music replay this year? -gcwca secret santa

this descendants special !! idk why i like it so much i like that ghe tears are made of glitter lmao. something about it to me is so comforting and charming (no pun intended) and ducktales is very silly and fun and theres so many characters and dynamics to love! so if u check it out i hope u like it :D

YEAH i have followed the books! i know they arent a perfect canon but they can be quite fun. and year before i watched d1 i read the first book and also Mals spellbook, which i didnt realize was a mistake cuz it spoiled the movie lmfaooooo but when i realized that i was like "well! im already this far in!" and finished it anyway 💀 i was a different breed that summer lmfao the amount of fanart and playlists i was creating for a movie i hadnt seen yet. also they posted School of secrets webisodes daily and i have such a nostalgia tied to waiting every day for them to drop !!

oml wait oh wow ok. this is so hard to rank genuinely cuz everyones so good 😭😭😭 like idk i really like the dynamics between the kids (all 3 maddens + hartley) i LOVE milo lmfao he is legendary i am so pleased w him and amy being frenemies its so fun. hartmy is for sure in love and i think havoc and starling are exes 😃 starling x jake is amusing but i really like the idea that theyre just gay best friends trying to hang out. bc gay friendships are that dramatic lmfaoOOO also i love the kids relationship w their parents a lot, i could go into that in more detail but particularly jake and vic, amy and eva, and especially colby with each of their parents i think it is all so so fun

also this isnt related but i dont care for declan vovv but his actor plays my fav character in power rangers and in the recent PR season he was evil for a lot of it and i was like oml playing oculan really inspired something in you LMAOOOOOO but it was quite fun (i love power rangers stream dino fury/cosmic fury on netflix!!!! it has lesbians!! and dinosaurs!! and ollie akana!!)