#idk how to say this but it’s like you pick up on the mindset whether conscious or unconscious engrained by historical perspective

[aliaoftheknives]

yay tama i always enjoy reading your thoughts about things like this they are always so interesting and well thought out. to briefly add on the politics of stb in particular looking back are like, very revealing from a particular intra-east asian perspective especially considering what they choose to leave out and how specific historical and cultural factions are portrayed (ie. samurai as a whole, the fact that yanxia, the closest analogue the game has to china, isn’t really fleshed out as much as doma.) i am not really versed enough in easian history to talk about this in depth but there are things that as someone who comes from a place with a contentious relationship with japan that you pick up on as a uniquely especially post-second world war cultural perspective

[zzoupz]

when it comes to the Isan region, does the average Thai person care whether or not they side with Laos or Thailand? due to the past wars, it seems like the people of the Korat plateau have their own identity—yet from books I read, many of the younger generations feel stuck whether claiming to be “Thai” or “Lao” and in doing so only speak central Thai.

another question is are all the Russians and Chinese people in Thailand all that bad like how the media portrays them? ex: defecating in public, pushing and shoving, public drunken fights, etc. whether you’ve personally dealt them or not, do you ever wish they either not visit all together or just be very cautious and respectful of local life? 

(I think) my final question is about westernized Thais. While many foreigners visit Thailand for either cultural reasons, religious, retiring, food, sex tourism, surgeries, etc., there are many westernized Thais who have moved/visited Thailand. do you think natives sees them as lesser than or as another foreigner? are they treated differently despite having mannerisms appearance, mindset, etc. that’s more associated with the west?

hi, thanks for the questions

I may not be the best person to ask this bc I'm a Chinese descendant who grew up in central Thailand all my life haha. I can say at least from my friends they don't really care, they are just Isan and consider themselves Thai bc they are born in Thailand (and vice versa). They speak central Thai to people from other places only bc that's the universal one (as other regions also do). I don't think they have to pick a "side" considering we're not in a conflict. idk I've never heard of that before.

I've not had bad experiences with them personally. I've heard it's bad in tourist spots but that's just typical tourist behavior (hell most of the time it's USAmerican tourists that gets in trouble). So not as much as they're portrayed but they DO do that. And yes I hope they still visit but be more respectful, not just Russians and Chinese but everyone

I have an aunt who moved to USA to be a professor for about 10 years before coming back, and I can guarantee they're not treated any differently, they'll always be Thai. If anything people praise and envies them for having the money/opportunity to move aboard haha

hope those were good enough answers ! :]

[bonesandthebees]

HOW DO YOU WRITE SO WELL

like, the general way you write omfg i was hoping to get some tips since i want to get into the type of writing you do (idk the name lol)

your fics have just not left my mind at all and i wanna learn how you make them stick

aw thank you that's so sweet! I'm so glad you enjoy my stories :D

as for your question, I always say this and it's not really the 'fun' answer or the one that people want to hear but the truth of the matter is that I got good at writing by writing. a lot. I've been writing on a near daily basis since I was 13 or so. I started writing original stories, but later when I was 15 I got into fanfic and really thrived using that as writing practice. regardless of whether or not you post what you write, just the act of putting words down is going to help you. whether that be rewriting movie scenes with your favorite blorbos or coming up with the most self indulgent fluffy stuff that you never want to see the light of day, or plotting out massively expansive stories with grand plots and worldbuilding, no matter what it is it's going to help you gain a natural sense for rhythm and word choice and all that stuff.

besides practicing writing, reading is also very helpful for improving your writing. and I don't mean reading fanfic. while of course there is some amazing fanfiction out there, you do actually need to read published novels as well. now I'm not saying you have to go out and read the entire book list from your 9th grade english class (although classic novels are incredibly important and beneficial to read), but just read any books. try to branch out into new genres. if you're only interested in reading YA romance, sure go for it, but once you get in the swing of reading regularly you should look for recommendations in other genres. there are a ton of lists online that will tell you "if you like X book then you'll love Y-" so try to find those. don't limit yourself to books only meant for one demographic. you'll get the most benefit for your writing from reading widely and seeing how many different types of authors do things. you can pick apart different writing styles and figure out what you like about each, then try to emulate that in your own work. do you like when descriptions are kept short but use very vivid language? try doing that in your own writing when setting a scene. do you like when a characters thought process starts rambling on and on for multiple paragraphs, really giving the reader a sense of their inner mind? try doing that yourself.

experiment! practice! have fun with it! write what you want and try not to get too caught up in what's going to 'get popular' or anything because then you'll just make yourself miserable if you don't get the hits you want. of course that's easier said than done but try your best to hold onto the mindset of writing for yourself first and foremost. make the stories you want to read.

hope that helps!

[emotionally-damaged-carrot]

Daniel Ricciardo x Male reader

"Permissions"

First fic in like a year, damn, sorry for the wait. All my interest has probably changed by now but I will still write for the previous fandoms that I liked (ex. Moon knight). I just gained an interest in F1 recently so I might write more F1 fics for the tome being considering I don't really see many f1 x male reader fics out there. Hope you enjoy!

Dan's Pov

"Uhm yea, me and my husband have this thing, where we ask each other permissions over stupid things that we know the other won't mind us doing"

I told lando as he asked why I wanted to ask my husband permission on whether I can go hang out with them or not.

"YOU HAVE A HUSBAND??" Lando asked surprised with a smile on his face.

"You didn't know? We've been together for like 9 years already and you just found out now? Wow, you never fail to surprise me each day we're together, Lando." I say with a big smile on my face.

"Thanks? Anyway, I wanna hear his reaction now. Come on, call him do your things."

"Fine, fine just relax." I say as I pull out my phone from my pocket, unlocking it and scrolling thru my contacts looking for his name.

"You saved him as 'love of my life' with three hearts? Talk about cheesy." Lando says rolling his eyes.

"Mind ya business, now shush it's ringing." I say as I hear him pick up the phone.

"What do you want?" We hear y/n say as I put him on speaker so Lando can also hear.

"Talk about moody, I just wanted to ask you if I could hangout with the boys this afternoon, we're planning on just chilling in Max's room and just maybe watch so-"

"Mate, I don't a shit, you just disturbed my sleep for that? You know you're an adult and are allowed to do whatever you want, right?"

"But I wanted to ask for your permission fiiiirst." I say drawing out the last word to annoy him further.

"Yes, you can, sometimes I wonder why I even married you in the first place."

"It's cause you loooove me."

"Piss off, I'm going back to sleep, if you call me again when you could just leave a message, you'll sleep on the couch."

"You know you need my cuddles to sleep." I say smiling wider when I see Lando giggling beside me.

"I hate that you're right, anyway, see you tonight love you. Bye Lando." We hear Y/n say the last part after a brief pause before hanging up.

"How'd he know I was with you?" Lando asked perplexed.

"He's my husband, he knows everything." I say with a laugh, while walking out of the motor home and putting my phone back in my pocket and grabbing my cap off the table.

"Wait, how long have you two been out??" I hear Lando shout after me with confusion in his voice.

"Give or take, 6 years." I say as I stopped to look at him and give him a cheeky wink.

"AND I'VE ONLY FOUND OUT TODAY THAT YOU HAD A HUSBAND???" Lando shouts as I laugh while walking away.

"You didn't know about his husband? Everyone knows about them, the whole paddock knows about them." I hear Max say with a laugh before I'm out of ear shot.

That's all for now, I'm still trying to get back into that writer mindset ya kna. Hope you enjoyed, if you didn't idk have a good life ig. Peace ✌️

[boydepartment]

i have something to say and idk if it’s controversial or not. noncon/dubcon mentioned

i’ve had to block a few ppl in the enhypen tag like just #enhypen or #riki or #riki x reader . because of how much

noncon/dubcon riki stuff is in the predominately sfw tags.

i do not personally agree with that little community who writes sm-t for him bc all of them have this ego complex of “i��m just better bc i don’t care >:(“ no, you have a really irresponsible and immature mindset when it comes to conflict. just because you “don’t care” doesn’t make you a good person or better than people who tell you to c-t yourself or d-e. it’s even worse if you’re like “i know i’m not a good person >:)” like okaaaay joker go rob a bank or something then.

back to the point- it’s to the grey area of time now where you can’t really stop them now anyways because it’s down to personal preference and their comfort of writing for him that way whether it’s “morally correct” to me or anyone reading this or not.

the one hill i will die on though, is i do not fw dubcon or noncon. even if its written as a trauma response sharing it and pushing your idols or celebrities(riki or other idols) into that is extremely horrible. if you write it because of trauma- keep it to yourself, and that’s none of my business. people cope in different ways whether i agree with it or not. writing your favorite idols as r-pists or manipulators to get what they want s-ually is extremely messed up especially when posted onto a public platform in regular #(insert idol group) and predominantly not nsfw tags. it’s irresponsible and subjects a younger audience(especially on tumblr. ao3 is another mess but at least ao3 is primarily used by an older crowd) to being exposed to thinking intimate acts like that is normal, when its absolutely not. and you might think “who would think that? it’s writing!” the amount of times people have openly stated in the fanfiction community admitting that they have never had s-x but will just write what they’ve picked up on is insane. same argument that p—n ruins mental health and mental image of healthy relationships if exposed to watching and consuming that content for too long.

this is coming from someone who was r—ed. i think it’s extremely insensitive to push idols onto that whether it’s written as a trauma response to the action or not. you’re putting innocent people and writing them as r-pists. fiction or not that’s weird.

and if it’s not written as a trauma response, i don’t understand the smut dubcon/noncon community’s fascination of getting r-ped. it’s a terrible thing to happen and i don’t wish it on anyone. the ptsd from it and how unclean you feel is so gut wrenching and there’s nothing you can do about it. part of your life gets taken from you and you can never get it back. there is lifelong trauma after that. almost everyday i wish after it happened to me he just killed me so i wouldn’t have to live with it. i still get nightmares and it’s led to sh and other mental issues that i just have to deal with now. why is that a fantasy to people?

back to the topic of people writing noncon/dubcon for riki (or any other idol but i’ve been seeing WAY too much for riki)

i might get comments saying “it’s not that serious it’s fanfiction it’s not real”

you’re writing about an 18 year old boy r-ping someone (the READER)

it’s the same argument of nsfw drawings of characters who are children. just bc it’s not real doesn’t mean it’s not fucked up and weird.

it is that serious and it’s weird and gross and mentally deranged. i will die on that hill.

i wont attack these people or start fights like i used to, i have a life outside of tumblr. but on my downtime i do check the #enhypen tag. and to see this shit sometimes floating around or even on the #riki tag. is just fucked.

idk it just upsets me, i obviously block these people and move on from my life bc i have goldfish memory but there’s like five accounts that just kept popping up in the past week that i’ve had to block. i know some people might be like “oh you really showed them!!1!!1!” in an annoying way, but either way i stand by my point that it’s fucked up and i’m human so i’m allowed to get upset by it.

[youremyheaven]

Heaven, I need some advice: how do I get rid of the guilt of men paying for me

I want my man to feel masculine and a leader (and I want to be spoiled ☺️🥰), but I also want to be treated as an equal in the relationship and contribute in some way, bc otherwise I feel like crap 😭😭

I’d like your input bc I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes I’ve made in my past relationships

Mhhmmm

Why do men want to date women? To have sex with them of course

I'm not saying no man will ever be interested in you as a person yada yada yada but unlike women who fall for a guy's personality and then grow to find him attractive , men are more shallow and visual creatures. They only make an effort to get to know you if they find you attractive. Regardless of whether or not he sees a future with you, the point is, he's taking you out because he's attracted to you (attraction= wanting to have sex with them, just to simplify things for anyone reading lmao)

Now, women in society are valued for their sex appeal whether we acknowledge it or not. Prostitution is the world's oldest profession for a reason. How society aka the patriarchy treats women who aren't "attractive" (curvy enough but slim enough, young or attractively old enough, modest but still nasty, simple BUT hot) is very 🤢🤢🤮🤮

All of this is to say that as a woman, attractiveness is your capital. Use that efficiently.

Now, do not get me wrong. Being attractive ≠ being treated right ALL the time. It just doesn't work that way.

Taking advantage of your beauty and/or monetising it ≠ being equal to men or enjoying the same social privileges as them.

HOWEVER, the mindset you need to have is: He's just a guy who's trying to impress me to perhaps get me to sleep with him and/or have a relationship with me. Either way, HE needs it more than I do because men are lonely creatures by nature. So if HE needs you so bad, then why would you not sit back and let him pay for things which is THE least he could do?

Because what else do you get out of this arrangement? Someone who may or may not text/call you, spend quality time with you or ever be reliable? He better pay up if he wants me to sit there for 2 hours and spend my time with him lol 🤣

Everytime I hear girls go like 😩😩 he's such a gentleman 😩😩he opened the door and pulled out the chair for me 😍😍 I have to laugh. That's BARE MINIMUM, idk what barn animals y'all are dating but that's literally the LEAST any man can do. I went out last week with a guy and I was on his rooftop by the pool and had taken my shoes off and when I had to put it back on, he did it for me and neither of us were like 😍😩😍 because that's literally so basic. I did think it was sweet but like that's how men SHOULD treat you, tf

Normalise a man taking care of you. Driving you, picking you up, dropping you off, paying for you, holding doors open for you, holding your hand when climbing stairs, giving you their jacket, giving you napkins, putting you first, making sure y'all are doing what YOU want to do, surprising you with gifts, helping you etc

Y'all don't expect anything from the men you date and then complain about them being assholes. Like???

Just to be clear, a man can do all of these things and STILL be an asshole because that's how men are. But the ones I date know for a fact that they couldn't even touch my pinky nail without bending over backwards proving themselves to me. And I just think that's how it SHOULD be. Bc otherwise what am I even doing with them??? Like what am I getting out of this?? Texts?? Voice notes??? Lol (and the texts and calls better be full of praise and meaningful stuff too 😌🤌)

You won't feel guilty once you start thinking of this as what men owe you.

I shudder to even think of spending my time with a guy who will split the bill with me and text me when he's horny like 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

A date isn't about equality. It's about a man proving his worth to you. So give him the opportunity to do so. Having a girlfriend or seeing a woman is a bigger status symbol for them than having a partner is for us. Being perceived as single is "better" for women but being perceived as taken is better for a man. (😍 Patriarchy 🤌)

Men always treat unavailable women better than the ones who are constantly available.

You text him all the time, split the bill with him, try to make things easier for him etc and he'll subconsciously resent you for it. Yk those self help books that talk about why men love bitches??? Yeah same logic

Be aloof, be uncaring to some extent and just treat money as one of the things HE brings to the table because YOU ARE THE TABLE.

I've seen the same men treat different women differently. Even in college, I'd have the most nonchalant dgaf about anything guys help me out, carry my bags, fix things for me etc. there are perhaps many factors at play but an important factor is that I allow myself to be helped and that makes the men around me feel masculine.

Like I don't think it's beneath me to ask a man (a man I know, not just a guy I'm dating) for favours or help. OBVIOUSLY I would never put myself in a position where I NEEDED him or was DEPENDENT on him because ewww 🤢🤮🤢 but just small things that I could do on my own but don't want to 😌 it'll make him feel like a champion to have solved my problem for me and boost his ego whereas I've consciously orchestrated the whole thing 😈

I'd say the key is to kind of deliberately be a babygirl 🥺 don't be so clueless, naive and annoying that you're constantly needy BUT don't be such an independent girlboss that people don't find your energy welcoming or wholesome. Even just socially, people like helping others and like being with people who make them feel "needed" somehow. A lot of friendships and non-romantic associations suffer because there's too much independence and nobody makes the other person feel valued.

One time I went with my friend to buy her a pair of platform heels. Nobody at the shoe store paid her any kind of attention and she had to ask them repeatedly for her size and was kept up by them. It came down to two pairs and the lady kept emphasizing the price like "this is 1.6k 🙄🙄" and my friend bought that pair just out of spite bc that lady thought she couldn't afford it (it was really cute and worth it tho) but it was such an eye opening experience for me because I had never seen anything like it before 😳 I will say that I probably seem kinda clueless and that could be the reason I'm always helped 🤔 but in truth, my friend had such girlboss energy (which I liked bc she always took care of me hehe) and nobody helped her bc she just went about business like she could do all of it on her own,,, people are always willing to help those who need help

You can get whatever you want by either having a very go getting baddie attitude 🥵🤌 or by being soft and gentle 🥺✨. Ideally a combination of the two will work wonders.

Don't be such a baddie that you make everybody around you feel unwanted and useless. But also don't be such a bbg that you're basically a doormat.

The key to being spoiled is believing you should be spoiled 😌

Hope your spoiled era is coming soon 🤌

Love,

Heaven

[implausiblyjosh]

Cohost Criticism

The thing about cohost is that you have to walk on eggshells if you wanna talk about cohost, let alone criticize cohost. Here are two bits of criticism about cohost from me, one posted on cohost another posted on Twitter.

Criticism of cohost, on cohost

Transparency is not bad, I don’t think. But it’s incredibly clear that it’s been used to frame ASSC and cohost as some plucky little co-op that could, so that when criticism of cohost happens it’s immediately framed as a personal attack on Staff. Almost every single time criticism of cohost has happened on here, big posts go around talking about how they’re just 4 people and how could you ever suggest improvements, don’t you know you’ll KILL the site, criticizing the site is like yelling at the McDonald’s cashier, etc etc etc. I’ve said this all before, and like… idk, sucks that it took two different incredibly vitriolic discourses around accessibility to finally get people on staff to be like “please don’t fight on our behalf.” It’s also pick and choose, right? When criticism comes up, it’s the realities and transparency of financials and how it’s just 4 people and on and on, but like… hey, do we know how they got the money? What’s the relationship there? How were they able to just have what seems to be a friend loan for a few years with no delivered product/service? What happened to all the site ideas before cohost? It feels incredibly selective, and the selection is geared towards a parasocial relationship. I mean… people on bluesky are opening up about fallout from they criticizing cohost in private, so it’s not like this culture comes from nowhere.

I’ll quote something I read earlier that I agree with. No links, don’t wanna blow up the spot.

I think they were being deliberately dishonest about being a for profit LLC. I think they know that makes them sound corporate and that's why they call themselves a co-op and a non-profit/not-for-profit (both legal designations they do not meet). I think this is fully an image thing, they want to be the cool leftist co-op and not the company run by former Big Tech employees.

I think they have cultivated a parasocial relationship with their members. I am undecided on whether this was deliberate or if they just don't see the problem with it. They are far too personal about what they post and they explicitly want people to see them as friends, going so far as to saying you need to trust that they're doing things in good faith because they're your friends. Your users don't need to hear about which members of staff are in a polycule together. Your users don't need to hear that bug reports make you feel like a failure. When you make policy choices that cause the site to get into massive fights over them, you shouldn't be posting little jokes about the discourse. Trying to shame users for criticizing a moderation decision you made for not trusting you is absurd, they AREN'T your friends and can only trust you based on the actions they see from you, and if they don't trust you based on that you don't get to chastise them for it. Your hundreds of thousands of users are not your friends. But it was effective, because anyone with any criticism is shouted down by people who seriously think the staff are their friends.

Also, this bit:

To come in and say "we have no idea what we're doing but WE'LL always support you", while sites like Switter had to close down due to various government and corporate pressures, is just...fuck you honestly. If you want the techbro mindset here it is. "Nobody else is doing this because their Morals are bad and our Morals are good!" People who actually have done the hard work of trying to make safe spaces for sex workers failed, but no, I'm sure you all will do great. If they ever ship tipping (at this point I can't see it happening before they fold but let's pretend) they're going to eventually get cut off from their payment processors when it's being used for mostly porn and they're going to learn why everyone else had to quit and then they'll have to pull an excuse out of their ass for why all their grandstanding in the past just fell apart. It disgusts me to pretend like some big ally to sex workers then do this little research into what it actually takes to support them.

This bit gets me the most because, like… they’re remaking Project Wonderful and people are calling it revolutionary. We had creative/user-supported ads for years on sites like Questionable Content. This isn’t new! We’re getting the thing that the old internet had! It’s like calling neocities or SpaceHey or wikidot revolutionary.

Idk how to end this. I’ve been yelling about the culture here for what feels like ages now. It feels like I’m yelling into a void.

---

Criticism of cohost, on Twitter

Cohost post about cohost that’s too spicy for cohost: I don’t know that I’d call the LLC that is marketing itself as a non-profit that only keeps up with its promised monthly financial updates when they want more cash from users “transparent”, but that’s just me.

When the whole of the financial history is laid out and there are some big, glaring questions (who did you get this money from? Why can you not reach them? What happened to the promised features? why are user ads now, suddenly, a good thing?) it doesn’t feel transparent.

If yall haven’t been delivering features, or hitting targets, and acting like making a usable dark mode for your site was some impossible task, why did you give yourselves raises?

It feels like the “transparency” only exists to further a parasocial relationships in your favor. The important questions are left alone, but just enough is given to cultivate an active userbase that wants to fight any and all criticism on your behalf.

It happens in the comments of their posts. I saw someone ask completely sensible questions about the finances, on the finances post, and were immediately called a middle manager.

It happens on the site. People got real mad that someone would dare give links and document discourse on cohost. It wasn’t about the rancid vibes of the post*, it was about the act of linking to cohost from off-site period.

It happens off-site. People made pillowfort accounts to attack the person mentioned before. On bluesky someone is getting attacked for explaining their horrible experience with the founders.

This doesn’t feel like transparency, because the end goal here isn’t a “not-for-profit” that finally made a good site and made it last. It’s about a LLC asking you for your money when times are tough and discouraging criticism anywhere.

Another post about cohost that’s too spicy for cohost: Just because your friends run an LLC doesn’t mean your friend’s LLC shouldn’t be criticized as a business. Actively discouraging criticism cause your friends run the LLC has actively made cohost’s vibes rancid.

[findafight]

i apologize in advance for the loooooong ask lol (and no pressure about replying if u dont wanna haha) but i saw ur post in the billy hargrove tag and thought it was an interesting character analysis! im a billy fan but im inclined to agree with most of what u said, and i think it's also interesting to compare him and max to zuko and azula. one thing i wanted to comment on tho is when u said "He's also just a racist asshole that has all the means to not be one and doesn't use them or ever feel bad about it."

i just wanted to offer an argument for that point, bc we see that billy's been abused since he was a kid and watched his mom be abused before him, and we also see neil throw slurs at billy, so it's not farfetched to believe his dad spouted racist shit around him too. he also still lives with his dad, and we see in their argument before billy goes to fetch max that billy's safety at home can depend largely on agreeing with and repeating what his dad says.

seeing as how his mom left, how susan doesnt stick up for him (doesnt she even avert her eyes when neil backs him up against his wall?), and how other older women seem to objectify and sexualize him, it also seems like he doesnt have any other adult support in his life--especially not at home where he's supposed to be safe. i would say all of that points to him not having *any* means at all to not be racist, esp considering that his safety might depend on whether or not his dad hears the wrong thing about who he (and max, since his dad seems to put the onus of her actions onto billy's shoulders) might be hanging out with.

he's not in an environment to recognize that racism is bad, and in fact i think it's an environment that teaches him by implicit threat that being racist might actually be something that could help him feel safe, if only bc it means his dad wont have one more thing to come after him about. what means does he have to stop being racist, when he doesnt seem to have external adult support? why would he feel bad about being racist when that mindset might offer him some form of safety? considering all that, i think it's actually surprising he doesnt throw any slurs at lucas (im not applauding this, just observing), esp when put together with how billy himself gets called the f-slur by his father. the importance of words and what you choose to say and what not to say, etc etc.

obviously racism is bad, and im not arguing against his actions *being* racist, i just think that saying he has the means to not be racist isnt entirely accurate. it would be like saying azula has the means to be a good sister but she doesnt use them or ever feel bad about it. that would be an unfair statement when considering how both she and zuko were raised to be pitted against each other, and she had something more to lose by being seen as the more powerful/superior/better sibling by their father. furthermore, the only kind adults in her life have left her with her father for various reasons (her mother & iroh). i dont think she had the means to be a better sister/person, nor would she ever have the need to feel bad about it, because she wasnt raised to look for the means or question why she would want them, if she even knew they existed. the same can be said about billy & his racism. i dont think he could even *start* to have those means, let alone use them, until he starts properly healing in a place he feels safe.

idk, just something to think about i guess. i hope this doesnt come off rude, this is meant as genuine discussion. 😅 people tend to look at billy's scene with lucas, pronounce him racist, and call it a day without considering the context he grew up in, and the fact that racism doesnt come from nowhere--it is always, always something you learn. billy literally says this to max: "i'm older than you, and something you *learn* is that there are a certain type of people in this world that you stay away from." sure he mightve just picked up racism from school or society or something, but with the context of his father at home and how aggressive billy gets with lucas in a similar way to how his dad just got aggressive with him, it makes you wonder how billy might have *really* learned that lesson.

anyways, i dont think he has the means to stop being racist all of a sudden, all by himself, and it seems unfair to blame him (from a narrative standpoint; lucas & his friends, however, have every right to go off lol) for something he cant necessarily choose to improve in his life when he's still living with his bigoted abuser. we dont know if he ever feels bad about it or not--we never see it on-screen but things between him and max certainly change enough for her to try desperately to save him in s3 where she's still (sorta-kinda) dating lucas, so i assume there was some kind of calm-down there, plus billy and max's relationship got to a point where max grieved him *so hard* she got targeted by vecna--but he definitely doesnt really have the means to choose not to be racist. i dont think he thinks he *can* choose this, nevermind discussing whether or not he could and chooses not to.

that being said, i do agree about how he didnt really have a proper redemption arc, or any chance at healing at all. sorry again for the long ask; im sending it cuz im genuinely interested in a good faith discussion. you said you didnt necessarily like billy but found his relationship with max interesting, and you said so on a post about healing & redemption. ive always found that billy's healing & redemption are intrinsically tied to his upbringing and his abuse at home, and i find that his racism is an extension of that in a way people dont acknowledge when making their broader points--instead saying that either the people who sympathize with his home life are excusing the racism, or the people who are naysaying his racism are excusing the abuse. theyre tied together, and i found that most of your post looked at billy fairly except for that one point about his racism being something he can choose--like his racism is something separate from his home life--so i thought id just. give it a genuine go. 😅 anyways, hope ur havin a good day!

Hi! So you've got some good points and in that post I didn't really touch on his racism more than the other things because that would be, to me, one of the things easiest for Billy to begin to rectify. Saying he has all the means wasn't correct though because he doesn't, and unlearning bigotry is not an easy thing, especially without support, but not an impossible thing. People can and do change their perspectives or beliefs even in environments where it is punished.

Reading your thoughts I think you are right in that it likely very much is linked to his abuse, in the way his father treats him and Susan's non-action. Him telling max that "you learn" s also interesting and I think does show that Neil encouraged racism and bigotry in general. The only positive interactions with older women he has is grown women sexualizing him, which is unfortunately never examined further in the show, and the only man we only see him interact with is Neil. So. He obviously doesn't have adult support in his life, we don't see him with any teachers but there's only so much they can do too.

However having adult support isn't fully necessary for him to realize his actions were wrong. I think I was sort of looking at how Max has also been in that house with Neil and Billy, and that Billy often does, like you said, emulate Neil or act as an extension of him possibly for his own safety, leading to his abuse of Max and his seeking of power and control in other areas while max pushes against that.

From the flashbacks in S3 showing Billy and max meeting, they look significantly younger, I'd say max was likely eight or so? And Billy about twelve. So Max has been in this situation for possibly about four to six years (considering she consistently calls him her brother, implying she is used to him as her brother not her mom's BF's son), and while we don't know how her mother treated her or allowed her to be treated, it would not be far to say that Max could have also acted and believed the same things as Billy as a form of self preservation like him. But she doesn't? And it could be that her bio dad still influenced her when they were in California, or that Susan did put more effort into protecting Max, or Max's own experiences at school enforcing that Neil was wrong. Idk.

For me, Max threatening Billy into not coming near her friends again could have been a point where he took a long hard look at himself and reevaluated what he was doing. Even without support he could go through that realization, and attempt to be better. He could have realized that max was not his enemy but in fact another frightened and abused kid. That could have been his gateway into breaking the cycle of abuse with max, and we don't see that. Very unfortunate.

And you're right! We don't know what happened between them during the interim of S2/3. For the most part, and I haven't rewatched billy s3 scenes in a while, he seems relatively the same as the start of s2 though. I don't think we ever see them interact until the sauna test and by then Billy is flayed and out of control. So we do not see if any repairs to their relationship were made, or if billy did work to change. I think if he did, the show would have tried to show us that his and Max's relationship was better, even if it was still rocky and that Billy clearly still had some issues(like those with older women). But it did not, and so we are left to assume he didn't change all that much between seasons.

Max has a lot of conflicting feelings for Billy, because she is scared of him but also sees him as her brother. She wants to have a brother she can rely on but doesn't. I don't think her desperately not wanting Billy to be a mind flayer puppet indicates their relationship was better, but that Max does care for him either way. He's her brother, whether or not they get along, and she does not want him to be involved or being manipulated.

When he dies, and max feels guilt for it, I sort of have the opposite interpretation as you. I see her immense guilt and grief from it stemming from the fact that Billy had abused Max, and at some point she likely wished he was gone, out of her life, possibly dead. Because she was a scared abused child. And when he died trying to save her all those feelings of guilt for wishing she never had to see him again compounded with a possible sense of relief that she wouldn't, because now he was gone.

I also think she wanted a positive relationship with him. She wanted to have a brother she could trust, who she didn't want to wish away. So her confusion and relief and guilt for his death are what leave her vulnerable to vecna.

To just touch on billy not saying a slur to Lucas, I am pretty sure it was in the script at some point before being pulled. Possibly because Caleb was young and I thiiiiink it was during the scene he shoves Lucas into the wall, so someone realized doing that combined with calling him a racial slur maybe traumatic especially for a child actor and they cut it.

[princess-of-the-corner]

I've seen "Felix is bad for Kagami because he's a jerk and he'll abuse her" what if I say that canon Feligami has issues in that vein but A) not on purpose by either of them and B) Felix is the victim- it goes back to the whole cycle of abuse thing, how easy it is to fall back into those habits/mindsets (that he clearly has not broken out of yet) and how often abuse victims subconsciously will seek out similar relationships. You see in Emotion and Pretension how eager he is to please her and Adrien, how quickly and willingly he responds to their commands and how he still regards himself as solely existing to serve them. Yes he encourages her to free herself and take her independence, and that's good, but the other way around it seems like she might be... accidentally enabling him? He compromises his beliefs and his morals SO quickly on just a word from her. If Amelie has been purposely letting him take the reins and think for himself to avoid situations like this and he falls back into line and happily forfeits that as soon as Kagami (or Adrien, for that matter) snap their fingers... idk I just don't like it. Ringing the bell (blowing the dogwhistle?) others have already rang but. He's her puppy.

YEAH I MEAN

I don't think Felix would /intentionally/ be abusive.

But even if someone knows better than to repeat the worst of their own abuse, there's still going to be a lot of toxic habits they picked up that they don't realize are toxic because 'hey, this isn't as bad as the really bad stuff'.

Plus people.... I don't want to say that victims tend to seek out more abuse. Obviously they don't. But there is some conditioning at play on their part where they can associate those red flags with love.

I don't think Kagami would purposely be abusive to Felix either. Or that she really wants to order him around. However she does have a very assertive personality and will state her wants and can be pushy when someone else hesitates.

It's.....

......

I realize that this is the /exact/ same discussion I have about Chloé and Sabrina. Their traumas are a match made in hell. And I think that, whether you see the relationship as platonic or romantic, should take time to work on themselves before trying to go for that relationship.

It's the same thing with Felix and Kagami. They need to work on their own traumas before hooking up, or else they're going to hurt each other.

[mikareo]

im ur biggest fan!! also here to ask about a complete matchup 👀 idk what else to say mf uhhh from jjk, male, adult, you have access to pics of me 🧍‍♀️ (idk what else to say im a taurus?? intp?? stupid??) omg i like reading, baking, making jewelry, dream date probably a picnic or something simple like that or a barbes and noble run y’know? anyways ily

💌 ✮⋆˙ love letter to...itadorey!

ur my number one matchup fan!!!!! i hope u eat this up bestie ajskl also my formatting is a work in progress pls forgive me and enjoy <3

[ ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ ᰔ ] your complete matchup results!

congratulations . . . ‧₊˚🪐༘✩ SUGURU GETO ₊˚🦦⊹♡

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ chemistry analysis . . .

i was so so so close to matching you with nanami, but then i was like wtf am i doing...geto is right there. i really think that you and geto would work well and look good together (let's pretend adult him didn't resort to genocide asjkl) considering his quiet nature and calm demeanor. he'd be a moment of peace during your days and would absolutely want to relax with you and let you vent for as long as you'd like— whether that was about relationships, work, or life in general, he's a shoulder to lean on.

once again considering that geto did not want to kill every non sorcerer and maintained his original personality, the two of you would have quiet days together where you'd likely have to babysit gojo— but hey, at least you're in it together. he'd share his favorite novels with you and always read your recommendations before picking up another book of his choice, and later give you a whole summary of what he loved and would change about the writing. we all know geto is the scholarly one between him and gojo, and his habits outside of sorcery more than likely reflect that.

my favorite thing that really made me want to pair you with geto, was your hobby for jewelry making. geto's a bit of a flashy guy with fashion, and he'd 100% turn to you whenever he was looking for a new pair of earrings or a stylish necklace to show off. there'd be times where he'd even ask you for tips on how to make his own creations— though he'll always prefer yours— and ultimately fail at replicating the finesse and skill you've already honed. he'd show off your jewelry as well, proudly stating that his partner created it whenever he receives a compliment on whatever he's wearing.

all in all, you and geto would have a very quaint and quiet life together— in which the only thing that matters is each other. you can associate each other with peaceful mindsets...until one of you has to fetch gojo from some sort of screw up he makes. your hobbies reflect that of each other, and you're proud to share passions and moments that are sacred between you. you could also stop him from committing genocide. geto would adore you and understand what a special person you are, which is all that you deserve and more. <3

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ memories on the wall . . .

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ a treasured moment . . .

"this seems to be a dry spot." geto nods in approval at the small patch of grass that avoided the light rainfall the night before, beneath a heaping willow tree that provides convenient shade from the sun showers above. as you stand basking in the heat of summer, he swiftly manages to lay out all of the goods you've brought to the park in mere minutes— record time!

lemon yellow picnic blanket? check.

woven basket full of sweet treats? check.

wine glasses with champagne? check (there's no occasion, you both just like getting tipsy).

"why don't you sit down and i'll take care of everything." his hands are in his hair, tying it up in a high bun whilst looking your way and insisting that he gives you the princess treatment. as if he's a culinary expert, geto handles the food with ease and places it in a stylish manner upon the blanket— to which you burst out laughing, much to his disdain. "what's wrong with it this time? i think it looks great!"

"you're so particular," you giggle and snatch a strawberry from one of the plates, "we're going to eat it all, so why make it look so pretty?"

he sighs and smiles as your face lights up from the sweetness of the strawberry. "i want it to look nice, that way we can take a picture and treasure this memory." oh, why does he have to be the sweetest man you've ever met? you're so lucky to have him (though he believes he's luckier to have you).

reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind his ear, you grin softly at him. the look of love you share is nothing but wonderful, irreplaceable, once in a lifetime, and beautiful. if you, yourself, could name another wonder of the world it would be the love that the two of you share. "geto..." you whisper.

"every moment with you is one that i treasure."

i hope u enjoyed this and i that haven't lost my touch for matchups (it's been so long asjkl) this was so cute to write AHHHHH i love him sm AND U

[mageofmindfr]

Could you analyze page of life? Thank you and have a good day!

Haha, sorry for the long wait, life happened (haha, life). Uhm. Yeah I usually think up some sort of intro to the posts but now I’m just coming up blank, so, let’s just get to it?

Anyways, what do we know about the Page class, to begin with?

Pages are a class centered around self-growth. A lot of sburb/sgrub is based on allowing the players to grow more as people, but Pages have a lot to achieve in the span of the game, and as such we barely see a glimpse of what a fully realized Page can do in the source material at all, except that they are considered one of the most powerful classes out there.

Pages generally adapt traits of their Aspect into their personality, and grow more into themselves as they do so. There’s a lot of work in being a Page, and not everyone is built for it, because you need the ability to learn to look at yourself in a non-judgemental way and think of ways to improve yourself that are feasible and not just “I want to be better”. And that’s hard to do.

As Pages need to learn more about themselves and their aspect (and sometimes just the world at large), they’re very receptive to new ideas and concepts, and can have very flexible mindsets when it comes to certain things (and yet, unfortunately, usually not themselves). Pages can be very earnest and genuine people, which can lead them to accidentally learn things harmful to both themselves and the people around them, and they have to work very hard to unlearn such things on their journey.

So Pages need to learn to embrace their aspect in order to become the best versions of themselves they can be. What about the aspect, then?

Life is… an interesting aspect, in that all the Life players we meet in homestuck are members of the Peixes family. So all Life players are very confident in themselves, at least by the time we meet them at first. And also Life as an aspect tends to push people towards leadership positions? Like, Meenah didn’t particularly want to be an important princess and ran away over that. Feferi wants to take over Alternia and make the world a better place. And Jane is also a princess kinda. Idk Jane gives me a headache in terms of what exactly she’s considered an heir of. Too many timeline intersections to decide whether her being the heir to the crocker brand (or. whatever?) has any impact on how much power she actually holds. I’m so confused about that.

Anyways. Life players like to be in charge. They know their plans and listen to their teammates. A good Life player is someone to look up to and trust with ideas and plans, and a formidable enemy should you be the opponent instead of an ally. They might not be as heartfelt as Heart players or as creative as Space players, but a Life player on your side is pretty much always a good thing? Unless they’re a thief or a destroyer class, in which case. Maybe not so much.

Life players are usually very headstrong about stuff; they know a lot about the way the universe works, not in the way space and time players do, but simply in the way where they understand how some things can have some outcomes and sometimes refuse to hear otherwise, especially if it doesn’t fit with what they already decided upon.

So, with all that (very little rambling) in mind, what would a Page of Life be like?

There’s a lot to consider in this combination, which makes it feel very volatile. I think this is a classpect where lunar sway has a lot more importance than, say, a Sylph’s or a Heart player’s situation.

A Page of Life is someone who is both very confident in their choices, while also constantly doubting their positions as leaders. But it’s not like they can just choose to relegate, because nobody else would volunteer to pick up the role otherwise. In a session where someone else has more charm or energy for leadership, the Page might simply sit tight and watch the other leader learn nothing from their mistakes, but nobody would want them as the leader, not even them. They might grow in that quiet corner enough to stand up and say enough is enough and take charge anyways, but you can never be certain.

A Page of Life can also go the exact opposite direction, and be a person who really wants to lead but has no idea how. In which case they can simply lean away every time they make a mistake. This Page would need to learn that some times you fuck up, and that’s ok, but you should learn from it and admit you’re not perfect before your team gets sick of your blaming everyone else’s plans. Listen to the other members of your group, let them voice ideas, and don’t be hasty when pointing fingers.

Either way, a Page of Life needs to learn to learn from their mistakes. That’s how people grow, even if facing your fuck ups is usually the most mortifying thing to do. The Page won’t let go of their leadership position once they have it, even if they don’t like being a leader, because nobody else would step up, or at least nobody they would trust with these people.

I think a Prospit dreaming Page of Life would be too headstrong and would need to learn to listen to others on their team, learn to let go and also understand that pointing fingers won’t help anyone. They need to learn to be proud of their position on the team, even if they make mistakes, because then the others will see you as dependable and confident, which you absolutely can be.

Alternatively, a Derse dreaming Page would lean too far into “what-if”s, would focus on all that they haven’t done rather than what they did, and there would be their downfall. Focus on the future, learn from the past, and do your best to remember that the present is still the future’s past and you can always learn more, about your team and your goal and yourself.

A grown Page of Life can be a really good leader, someone who the group trusts and depends on and comes to with ideas and problems because they know you can solve it. Don’t let the past’s mistakes take your future away from you.

Anyways, sorry for the long wait (and also sorry to everyone else sending asks and getting ignored, I promise I’m working on it. Just. Very slowly) and also sorry this is not at all edited whatsoever, I don’t have energy to make sure I don’t repeat myself too often. Just. I hope this is coherent enough for you to learn something? Maybe? Or just to have fun, if that’s what you’re looking for…

[bingjourney]

I think I really need to talk about how pick a card reading can be very tricky. But oncr again, everyone is different, walk in different journey so Idk if my experience is right for you too. But if you still want to know about it, feel free to read. But remember, you do you.

So.....

I was from White Feather Tarot, trying to check whether my ex's curse still bothering me or not. And my guides gave me reading from her channel that pretty much saying that something or someone will come as a hero to save my life.

Well, not exactly that, but the point is something will come like a meteor and give huge impact in my life that makes my life change drastically.

Here is the thing, I am a huge believer of self-dependency, a stoic, and if I have to have some hero showing up to change my life around, how am I different than Andrew Tate? I mean he promote women should be this and that but his action disrespecting them.

I promote self dependency, walking alone if it brings the best in me, and lonely is better than with the wrong person, but if at the end of the day my success is because some individual show up and provide for me,... that's hipocrite. My inner integrity and moral compass will not respect myself.

So I asked Marry, my lovely Marry Poppins who loves to trigger me with her jokes (😭), to give me a video from pick a card reading where the reader will say exactly what it is.

Marry says lightly, "yep, that's possible. Ready?"

Because that "hero" or whatever it is could be anything from a great investor, a job vacancy, a new opportunity, or even tons of subscriber for the comic that I am curremtly writing.

Marry gave me pile 2 from this channel:

And she was talking about change of mindset, where I mastered my root chakra, so I do things out of passion, instead of survival. Strife, not survive. Passion, over money.

She never mentioned someone come to save the day, a provider or investor, an email of job vacancy... nope.

I am glad that universe support me and my moral code.

Namaste!

[wkemeup]

If your still offering therapy advice, i could use it. How do you set boundries with someone with a victim mindset?

My grandma has a apartment key. And sometimes, shell clean the place. Now, i dont wanna sound ungreatful cause its a nice thing to do. But sometimes ill just get home from my parents or hanging with my friends and its spotless. No text or call asking if i wanted it clean, no saying "hey im in the area is it ok if i clean up a bit?" No nothing, its just done.

Now, before when she did it. She would vacum, do the dishes, maybe do my laundry (laundrys weird, she folds my underwear DONT DO THAT) but this time, she cleaned Everything.

I got back from my parents after recovering from surgery, its Spotless. I check my drawers, undies and bras are folded. Then i check my bedside drawer cause i have something embarassing in there and i hid it under pjs. I think theres no way shell look under the pjs and snoop. No :)

She organized the thing and folded the charger next to it. I repeat. She saw my fuckin vibrator and didnt even think Hmm maybe i should leave this alone and respect her privacy. Nah man she just kinda didnt do that. I call her, tryint to be discreet and say "hey, i really appreachiate u cleaning the place, but do u mind not going through my stuff, like my clothes n stuff." She starts crying saying she just wanted to pick some stuff off the floor so i wouldnt trip while im recovering. Cool, so whyd u do all that other stuff???? Idk i feel like im beint ungratful but bestie im 20 thats an invasion of privacy dont do that

Theres a bunch of other stuff she does that i dont wanna get into, but its kinda the same. Shell do something nice but its kinda weird then shell act like the victim when i say anythint about it. How do i make her stop? Its weird, im an adult i dont need her babying me and i espeially dont need her going through my personal stuff

I absolutely agree that there’s some lines being crossed here. It’s great that you were able to communicate that you were uncomfortable to her. The biggest thing to keep in mind is that you are not responsible for her reactions. You can only control your own. It sounds like you know what you wanna tell her, it’s just a matter of sticking to that request even when she starts becoming upset and turning it around and guilting you. Be respectful and kind, but also be firm and confident when you set that boundary. Depending on what you’re comfortable with, you can find compromises with her and say you’d still appreciate her cleaning the kitchen or vacuuming as long as she texts first but request she leave your laundry and drawers alone (for example). You would also be valid in asking her to not clean while you’re not home at all.

You shouldn’t ever feel like you need to hide things in your own space. And to feel that level of discomfort and uncertainty about whether you’ll walk through the door and discover someone had been in your home, even if it’s your grandmother.

You are not being unreasonable. This is an appropriate boundary to set. So again just be kind but firm when you speak with her, stick to your guns, and remember that whether or not she gets upset is her responsibility to manage, not yours.

Hope that helps ❤️

[bolontiku]

Work stuff: why-do-they-say-these-things-to-me? Edition, ft. Special Kay.

TW: mention of masturbat!on? SA?

The girl follows anyone around to continue conversation, as much as we urge her to continue her work and follow tasks she is allowed to walk around.

Not my business if they allow it. I'm a baker. Not manager. Tho I do tend to count to five when she has pushed my buttons/exceeded my social patience too much.

I am headed into the freezer and another associate comes to my rescue as the kid is following me in and stops her "you can't talk to Baker about those things, you're too young"

I look at her "I really wasn't listening" I point to my ear bud and Augs nods already knowing I zone out, shes learned my brain works differently and tends to come to my rescue a lot. (I've blocked the kid from my socials as she seemed determined to follow me) I look at the kid and ask "how old?"

"I'm old enough!" She stomps her foot and pouts when I look at her "18" she answers.

"Oh, yeah, did you hear that? Teen. Too young. You must be of the age 25 or older to talk to me of mature topics."

Augs laughs "there you go! Now you- Kay go. you're bothering our baker, leave her alone"

"No! But I can! I mean.. I grew up with my brother masturba+ing next to me!! I might be a virgin but I know about sex! I'm waiting for the right one! I get to choose!" She yells.

I am shooketh. So shooketh I freeze and dissociate for a few moments. Augs again comes to my rescue by going off about how inappropriate that is and there is a line, as she begins to move the girl away from me. Even as Kay goes on to say something about her father.

I hide away in the freezer.

What the fuck do you do with that? She lives with her mom now. I don't know what the fuck.

.

.

Today they sent her home early as she kept screaming about being scared of the manager. That he kept bullying her. Screaming that everytime she turned around he was there.

First, I am Hard of Hearing, I have to be looking at you to hear the words. Second, I usually have an earbud in one ear, and I could only hear her. So I could only imagine what the customers could hear. I had to remind her to watch her language (and I cuss like a sailor but keep quiet in my corner)

It is a small Cafe. They are told to be kept on task. He is literally treating her the same as everyone else, albeit with more patience. He finally runs out and tells her that if he is such a problem for her he could solve it by sending her home.

She comes to pout and whine in my corner thinking I will back her. I tell her she had a bad mindset about working with him before he even arrived, he has treated her no different but to tell her to get off her phone, which she had in her hand every second she paused. (I counted 9 times I myself told her to put it away)

I calmly explained that she was treated the same by other managers but she had no issue with them. Because he is a bit more business? Cause he is more stern? He wants to get done. No games. It's not hard to get along with him. Do the tasks he asks of you. He will even take time to walk you thru it.

She went home.

The other kids sigh and talk about it. The manager asks them if he was too hard on her and they all said no, that now they would be able to move quicker and more efficiently without her. That he did nothing wrong and she was to blame as he is in charge and whether they liked it or not they had to listen. They said she needed to learn that she couldn't just play around and pick and choose her job and what she wanted to do. (Proud of the kid that said that)

Idk what the fuck. This child.

[mangodestroyer]

Idk, I feel like I've been around toxic people for so long, that I maybe started picking up on some of their behaviors.

I mean, maybe it's not entirely a bad thing. I used to be quite a pushover. Panicking over whether or not I was doing the right thing, getting stuck morally whenever someone asked for help, even if it pushed my boundaries/exceeded my limitations (and so I ended up bitterly doing so anyway), avoiding conflict as much as possible because I had no ability to handle it or stand up for myself and would quickly see myself as being in the wrong, feeling guilty about things that really aren't my problem, etc.

I had zero confidence or faith in myself. Thought that I was someone who needed to be led instead of taking charge of things. It's sort of how I grew up. I remember being punished for "stepping out of line", not being listened to when I pointed out an injustice. And there was also the fact that, when I was treated for my neurodivergent condition, I was made to feel like an asshole for having it and was taught to put others feelings ahead of my own. So if someone misinterprets something I say or do, it's my fault. I hurt them/made them uncomfortable and their actions were justified. It almost felt like people thought I was a bad person for being ND. So I thought the bullying I received at school and from my brother was justified. I mean, I should feel lucky that anyone puts up with me, right? I'm stupid, selfish, and quite literally have nothing going for me. So I'm lucky if anyone spends the time of day with me and puts up with how much trouble I cause.

And holy SHIT. Having a mindset like that will quickly set you up for failure as an adult. Anyone who has it in them to take advantage of you will fucking do so. You will ALWAYS be treated like crap and quickly find yourself becoming the punching bag in every situation. You will have no friends because you never put yourself out there. So that will only make you more of a target. Only the worst romantic partners will go for you: the ones who just want someone who they can mold and control/treat like total crap. You will be given the worst tasks at work and be treated like the scum of the Earth. Hell, I've straight up seen people get this weird, gleeful look on their face when they realize how easy it was to push me around. Like, they wanted to see how far they could go with it.

And I guess at some point, something snapped in me and I realized that I was ruining my life putting up with such shitty people all the time. Now, I literally get this, "How dare they!?" attitude whenever someone slights me. I give it back. I no longer give people the benefit of the doubt and I'd only see myself as the asshole if it's very obvious I did something horrific (i.e. doing something like bully the fuck out of someone who literally did nothing wrong, which I don't even do). I'll leave for something better without any qualms if I don't like how something is going. You can't guilt trip me into putting up with shit anymore.

The only downside is that it sometimes feels like I lost my compassion and just see the worst in humanity. It's just hard for me to assume that someone I'm meeting for the first time will be a good person, so I keep my guard up. I'm much more careful now with how much of myself I put out there. I'm extra careful about not seeming vulnerable. Oddly enough, it's a lot easier for me to socialize now. People seem to like this new version of me more. Even though I feel like more of an asshole at times (or maybe I'm just not used to having boundaries).

And again, I don't worry myself over certain issues anymore because some things really aren't my problem/something I can change. And whenever I hear a toxic person tell me their life story, idgaf. I no longer use it to excuse their shitty behaviors. And even though it can be hard to hear that someone messed up because of some bad decisions, again, if they're toxic, idgaf. Especially if it was so obvious that what they did was stupid and even worse, they want others to also fail like they did/can't be happy for other's happiness. It's really draining to be around someone like that.

Can anyone else relate?

[the1975attheirverybest]

Can I overanalyze our fandom's reaction?

First of all I'm incredibly proud of us because take a look at 75 pages and then look at TS pages. The difference in maturity is EVIDENT!

I think we all know that while this relationship, if real, will be iconic, it's likely not going to last. Not just because they are both on tour. Both of their personalities match but they also clash. I don't know them and this is all speculation, but the minute Matty says something slightly wrong - his hobby at this point -, Taylor will start a fight - she is the one who has admitted to not be afraid to start arguments and that's fine. Go off sis. She is opinionative and again: GOOD FOR HER!!! But so is Matty. They will clash. I've seen this before. One of the reasons why Taylor and Joe lasted so long was because Joe is VERY calm and according to Taylor herself, he handled Taylor's turbulent and explosive moments like a pro. I love Matty with all my heart but he has days when he is the most insufferable being alive and you can tell he's ready to pick a fight - very similar to Taylor - and I don't see this ending well.

They'll eventually break up and everyone is going to take her side. It's bad for us now and what's really affecting a lot of people is the knowledge that it's only going to get worse and Matty's name will forever be tied to this entire mess which is disappointing because he deserves attention for the lovely, beautiful and talented person he is.

True. The 1975 fandom is a lot of things but it’s never immature. Truly. Idk if it’s because it takes a certain kind of taste and mindset to, like, “get” the 1975 or what but that’s the truth. This fandom is so good.

And I agree with you that our concern about this relationship, is not about “omg Matty is dating someone and she’s not good enough for him” or whatever. It’s mainly about how he’s being treated publicly and will continue to be treated.

That said, Matty knows exactly what Taylor’s fandom is capable of. And he chose to do this knowing what would happen. So he must have thought about it and has his own reasons? Also, and this breaks my heart to say as someone who literally got obsessed with 75 records overnight, the sad truth of the matter is that Matty has always been known (like outside the fandom; not amongst us) for stuff other than his music. Whether he’s the racist guy on Twitter or the homophobe or the guy saluting hitler onstage or the guy who went on that podcast and talked about vaginas drying up and did a Japanese accent or whatever the fuck it is, outside of the fandom, I don’t think people mainly thought of him as “guy who makes music in a band.” So, it would seem to me (and like you said we don’t know them and don’t know what they’re thinking) that he’s made the decision that his art is his art and that’s never gonna change, but he’s kind sorta done with people talking about him every other day. Whatever his mindset and his decision, I hope he’s made it carefully. And no matter which way this goes, he will always have us and he will always make the kind of music that he wants to make, and when it’s objectively fresh and special and phenomenal (like BFIAFL has been) the world will have to hear it. If anyone hears the music and is like “yeah but he’s Taylor’s problematic ex” or whatever, then you know what? They don’t deserve the 1975 in their life anyway. Like, Jake Gyllenhaal and Tom Hiddleston are still making movies. John Mayer still makes music (though for the life of me I don’t know why lmao). Swifties wanna end them, but outside of that, they have their fans and their careers and their professional reputations. It’s just that everyone knows about the scarf now.