#idk how much further ill go with this or anything. just want a better idea of what happens because it's a complete lore gap for me

[danielnelsen]

current thing: trying to map out the last court (as someone who never played it)

[astarionancuntnin]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thank you for the tag @nyx-knox!! <33

When did you start writing?

Like wayyyyyyyyy back, I technically wrote my first story when i was 11. I didn't write again until i was 15 (original pieces + fanfics), then i stopped and Im back at it again at 26 ayoooo

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

if i really need to search further into my favorite books, i would definitely say psychological horror and dramas

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I don't know writers enough to really get an idea of how to compare myself to any of them, but I do know that i tend to emulate what i'm exposed to, so if I read an entire series from an author, and they used a certain syntax, i'll tend to also do it by force of habit. (i also consider it a flaw cause i see it as hindering my writing creativity ;-;)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

its my personal pc that doubles as my work space, so its a bit all over the place ngl haha, theres a lot of astarion stickers and posters, all the furniture (keyboard, mouse, desk, etc) is pastel purple (my favorite colour), i have three screens (mostly for work but its also useful in day to day life) and my three wallpapers are astarion, of course. sometimes when i feel a writers block, i found out that writing on my laptop does unblock me! in that case, youll find me typing away on my couch in my living room uwu

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

MUSIC. What I write will be highly dependent on what I listen at the moment, like I was really into boywithuke when i wrote my angsty fics, and then i moved to a dark romance playlist and that got me going for die for you but then i was unable to continue my other fic cause i wasnt in an angsty mood anymore ._. (i swear i didnt abandon it, it just isnt the playlists turn to play on repeat) and rn im a lot into sleep token and ari abdul

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

So. Much. Smut. And angst. not surprising! my writing will also often depict my current state of mind. dw im in therapy, im working on it

What is your reason for writing?

It's my favorite creative output/the one im most experienced in! i wanna start drawing but i never find the time to really get into it and also terrified of failure which brings me to my second reason, its all i think i can do and i get dopanine reading nice comments teehee

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

when people tell me about a favourite part, when they liked the tension i managed to create, how i convey some characters, and most of all when i get told they loved a character i created!! this is so encouraging and pushes me to continue <3

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

i dont know how to answer to that .-. uh, i guess i want to be liked? seen as a good writer if anything? idk man ;-;

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Definitely descriptions, and creating a build up in a scene. I feel like it comes naturally to me and people have often told me that they are never lost when reading my scenes which reassures me so much LMAO I feel validated I also think I make really fun dialogue, especially banter with my ocs/tavs

How do you feel about your own writing?

i often self criticise my own work a lot, and i get that imposter syndrome where ill reread my work before posting and go "what the hell" in those moments, im grateful im not writing on paper cause that sheet would find its way to the trash real quick ^^ ' im sincerely truly blessed that my partner offers himself to read my pieces and beta read them, and tell me his honest opinion (there are things i wrote i wish i could forget and yall better be thankful he was there to stop me from posting first versions)

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

mix of both definitely. initially i wrote my own ideas and if people do end up liking them hell yeah!!! glad im able to find people that vibe the same way i do! then again, when i write for people, even if most of it comes from my silly little imagination, it was initially influenced by the request itself and is going to guide the writing specific to this piece, which honestly makes sense imo

Tagging 🏷��: @marlowethebard @roguishcat @anacdoce @charmandabear @marimosalad

[fabdante]

For the DMC reboot:

This might work better before they took down Mundus, and of course the twins would have to know one another better for this to actually work, but:

Dante switching places with Vergil for a day or two because Reasons and being shocked and probably more than a little envious of the sheer contrast. Not even just in how much more money Vergil has than him (tho Dante IS jealous of that; Vergil shows Dante how much he makes and how much Vergil has in his bank account and Dante's brain just kinda stops working for a few seconds, trying to process how big the numbers are), but in how people treat Dante-as-Vergil, compared to how they treat Dante-as-himself. Because yeah, some of it is down to the way Dante acts when he's being himself, and Dante knows this (he just doesn't really know how to be anything different/better, or if its even worth the effort- or if he'll even live long enough for it to matter)... but that's not ALL it is.

The money and status Vergil has helps, that's true, but even just. Being able to walk into a fucking room, say what (you're pretending) your name is, and not have demons or demon collaborators drag you into Limbo or have people otherwise hate and fear you as some monster, and/or treat you like they can tell you're "worthless gutter trash" just by looking at you is... Something. It sure is something.

Idk. I just think it'd be a fun concept to play around with. Especially if Vergil made himself look like Dante and spent the day (or week- however long this takes) running around fighting demons and dodging demon collaborators and probably living in shitty hotels or sleeping on the streets (if he really had to), too, just to really sell whatever ruse they're trying to pull here.

Hopefully this would bring the twins closer together, but I could see it causing problems between the two, too. Which hopefully they could work out, but still. Idk, I just think it'd be Neat.

Side note: They'd probably have to switch swords to make it REALLY convincing, so that could be fun too.

I do think the idea of the twins swapping would be interesting and possibly quite silly!! And it'd give them insight to each others lives!

However I don't know how convincing they'd be asdfghjk they are identical twins in the reboot as far but Kat would 100 percent figure this out immediately upon seeing one of them, which in itself is also very funny asdfghjkl like, beyond the fact Vergil in the reboot is just so insanely pale and Dante is not, it'd take so much work for them to get each others mannerisms down and they might be able to fool others at the Order but definitely not Kat. I can see her walking in on Dante pretending to be Vergil and just immediately like 'ok, where is Vergil, what are you two doing?' to which Dante is going to try and salvage this and fail spectacularly because Kat is not buying his Vergil act, especially now that he's talking asdfghjk I love this concept. I tend to imagine they all didn't leave the Order much at the Dante stage of the plan, but they'd definitely be more convincing around strangers then in the Order.

Flip side of this is also I can see Dante suggesting this for funsies and Vergil just absolutely declining, he does not want to live in Dante's life asdfghjk he is not built to be around dirt he will cry.

If he were to take him up on it though and had to live parts of Dante's life, I definitely think he'd be woefully ill prepared for that. Which might bring him a little more understanding as to why Dante is the way he is, but I do think it might further Dante's resentment towards Vergil because he is definitely just very jealous of how easy Vergil's life has been this whole time.

I also propose a funny alternative: which is Dante wandering around the Order pretending to be Vergil while Vergil is unaware as part snooping mission (he's trying to figure out information on the Order and his brother and Kat and if he can trust any of this) and part just for funsies to see what happens. Some of the newer members are buying it, none of the older ones are, he went on a caper to steal Vergil's clothes from his closet and everything, he acquired a wig, eventually Kat and Vergil catch wind of this and it ends with Dante, in full Vergil cosplay, in Vergil's office while Kat and Vergil are just like ???

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas, reg kin anon back already haha

(again, cw/tw for medical stuff and complicated family dynamics)

firstly, thank you for your supportive and kind words, they really do mean a lot to me (and everyone else you help; youre genuinely such a wonderful person and deserve everything good in life ♡)

i think ive come to the conclusion that i havent really processed the whole situation yet, honestly. even though i wrote it to you, i havent actually said the words out loud about my mother's diagnosis (and honestly writing them out again is a struggle haha, like my fingers are blocked from doing it), and it kind of feels like saying it makes it real? does that make sense? i dunno. it feels so impossible to imagine my mother being genuinely sick with something so serious. 'my mother' and 'cancer' dont fit in the same sentence.

but i didnt really realise until now just how major of a major life event this is for everyone and everything. because (and remember, i have a very complicated relationship with my mother. i once defined it as 'i dont have to like you to love you' and i think thats really relevant to now, too) my mother was going to help me with moving out (both buying things ill need, as well as actually moving out on the day) but she told me yesterday that ill have to go out to get things myself because she physically cant right now. i didnt think id mind so much, i like having my own independance and doing things myself, but i went out today to buy everything i need and i was struggling so much more than i thought. i genuinely almost had a breakdown crying in the first shop i went to.

honestly part of that was because i had no idea what i needed or where was best to get it or what any of the fancy words about different types of stuff meant (like, who even knows what depth their mattress is to buy the right bedsheet?? what is a tog??? whats the difference between a bath sheet and a bath towel?? they look the same!) but also because that was something we were supposed to do together. i dont like her and theres so much about her i want to change, but theres a huge part of me that was looking forward to a parent/child experience that so many normal families have, especially because i didnt get a lot of other typical 'growing up' moments with my parents due to how my family is.

part of me, in all honesty, considered waiting to move out, partly so that she could still be part of it, and partly so that i was in a better place emotionally to be able to handle the change. but if i were to do that, id have to wait another year (im moving out to go to university, and i already put it off last year to get a job instead because i was scared and anxious about university) and i dont know that i could go a whole extra year stuck at home. theoretically, i could afford to move out and rent (or buy, if i went to one of the cheap areas) when i felt ready in however many months time, but itd be a huge drain on my savings and would be nowhere near where ill be for school the following year so itd be a waste of money and time. itd be stupid and silly for me to put off university for another year, but i did consider it. i wont, but part of me is scared and wants to.

i met up with my older brother for lunch while i was out (who, sticking with the black family dynamics, is kind of like the andromeda of my family. he moved out 5 years ago to break away from the family and rarely comes home, and is probably the one person in my life who i feel genuinely comfortable and safe around) and we talked about it which was nice, especially considering my family is typically very much a 'do not talk about your feelings at all' sort of family, and as a whole we have not discussed anything further about my mother's health or how we're all handling it since that first conversation. he was super gentle and caring and honestly that in itself made me want to cry a bit because hes just so not at all like our parents?? idk who raised him but i wish theyd raised me too hahaha

but anyway, he was really open and supporting with me. he talked a bit about how he was feeling (which was super validating, because he was also hit hard by it and had complex feelings about it all) and he was really clear too that if i needed anything at all, i could always go to him and would always be welcome at his flat if i needed time away, even when i move out. (seriously, who raised this perfect older brother????) basically he was everything i needed in that moment and i am really genuinely thankful he exists, so at least my parents made one decent thing haha

still, though. i think its starting to hit me now just how many things are going to change and, as selfish as it is, how many things im going to lose and miss out on because of it. i dont like my mother, but i want her there to help me take that next step in my adult life, yknow? she, nor my father, have explicitly said she wont be able to help on moving day, but its not likely, and theres no way on earth i could ever ask whether she will (again: selfish thinking.)

my brother did mention, though, that the type of cancer our mother has is apparently one of the worse types if it isnt caught early enough. as far as i understand it (which isnt much, honestly, i dont understand much with medicine), she has cancer in her abdomen and its usually caught too late to get rid of. i didnt know this until today, i think our father didnt want to worry me? but i dont actually know how far along the cancer is (which stage it is? i think thats the right term) and i dont know at what stage it becomes too late. my brother also didnt seem to know, but now thats put a new worry in my head because my father explicitly did not mention that to me, so of course my brain has jumped to conclusions about why and what that means. im trying not to spiral, but ever since i found out about her diagnosis, i dont actually think ive gone ten minutes without 'fuck, my mother has cancer' or something similar going through my head, and restarting the breakdown id just pushed down again.

as expected, my sister was already making inappropriate jokes about it by the next time i saw her. i spoke to my brother about this too (hes cut contact with her entirely, like i plan to) and that was part of why he offered to let me stay with him if i ever needed; to escape our sister as much as our mother. i dont understand how she doesnt care a single bit. i know shes never got along with our parents but like, at least have a little decency and sensitivity?? she was literally laughing about it and i just... i dont get how someone could be such an awful person. sure whatever, she doesnt have to be upset if she really doesnt care, but thats crossing a fucking line.

this is getting to be another long ask so im gonna stop here for now, but before i do i just want to say thank you again for being such a safe place for myself and others. you are so, so wonderful cas ♡

- reg kin anon

Hi hon ❤️❤️❤️

I know there’s not a lot I can say right now to make you feel better because unfortunately I don’t know the future. I don’t know how this will turn out and neither do you. But I want to say again that your feelings - all of them - are okay and valid and none of them are bad or shameful. It’s okay to mourn the things that you might miss and it’s okay to have mixed emotions. No feelings are right or wrong here, and I’m here when you need to vent. Also I know move in Day will be hard but I’m so proud of you for continuing to prepare for university.

Sending so much love ❤️

[shirogane-oushirou]

not rbing the post bc they're a minor and i'm not gonna be a hypocrite wrt "no minors" stuff... but i'd never heard the saying regarding how soulmates aren't found, they're made... and it's nice to know the definition of soulmate i've used for years actually has a basis in something ksjdnfkjnsdf. ;;; like i didnt NEED the validation but it's NICE to have.

if i ever use the term 'soulmate' it's that definition. no red strings of fate, no "first word on your wrist when you turn 18", none of that. soulmates should include having the agency to choose.

anyway. ren is my soulmate in that sense KJNSKDJN.

(rambling under the cut idk i just wanted to talk about ren's and my relationship and why i feel so comfy calling him a soulmate despite everything. we couldn't have worked OUT without putting the work IN, but once we do, it's Joever. i love him so much. i can't believe my brain made up a character who's so perfect for me in that he's NOT perfect but in the most complementary ways possible ughhhhh.)

wrt doc!ren, we absolutely Are Not Good For Each Other when we meet. two people internalizing everything and putting up walls and masks, obsessively people-pleasing vs doesn't-say-no-to-anything-to-keep-the-status-quo people-pleasing. he's very good at Playing A Finely Tuned Role and i'm just a fucking Brick Wall 7ft Deep, and it takes a lot of work for us to see that projected falsity in each other... see our similarities behind our differences... open up a bit... find more similarities...

he becomes ill, and we lean further on each other to help with our disabilities. when either of us reaches the "paranoia tells me this is going to end and i should pull back" point of the relationship, the other helps work through the source of their particular brand of paranoia.

just like... a series of "based on prev life experience, i have the exact emotional and physical skills needed to help you become a better person and reach your full potential" momence (tm).

even in r!ren's case, he still has things to work through wrt his anger towards his early life and his struggles to connect deeply with others, and in that story i'm closer to reality (in that i'm in my real life living situation and i'm not as self-assured or as self-sufficient), and that all leads to inconsistencies in what we both think the other person thinks about us. and it takes difficult work... walking through things... and in the end we become so healthy and so close! and we create a joint toolkit for solving interpersonal issues. it takes work, but we become the best people we can be with the other person, not expecting everything to simply work out in the end bc of magical soul bonds or w/e.

idk, the idea of "the perfect soulmate" is just so creepy to me. "they're trying to sell me something and i'm blackmailed by the universe into buying in" vibes..... hence why i love that one post of alice being like "if i'm approached by a perfect prince on a white horse, i'm gonna push him off the horse. eat shit." AKJNSDKJN

[asbestieos]

OH YEA bc of ur tags on the baba yaga rb asking abt the scene i shall tell u who i think is who (obbligato spoilers, go read it itll ruin ur life)

ballerina - kaname obv that old guy - mayhaps an es higher up? or ibara but i think the other would fit better that guy with the old guy - if the old guy is a higher up hed most likely be ibara. otherwise no idea. he isnt that integral to the story so he could just be some rando WAIT maybe he could be tatsu… mask dude rip - JUN. JUN. JUN. THEMATICALLY IT FITS TO ME. ONCE KANAME BECOMES A SPECIAL STUDENT HES LIKE 'lol bye girl who r u' AT JUN N JUN IS LIKE 'wtf traitor'. KANAME CUTS OFF JUN!! HE KILLS OFF HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH JUN!!!! I LOVE METAPHORS. or alternatively: hes tatsumi and the scene maybe represents how kaname pairing with tatsumi corrupts them both…?? thats a stretch… idk how to say it help but i have an idea for what it represents im just bad at words the 'ice' cream - its a character now yea but uh… it represents kanames want and need for fame and attention plus love, and how its addictive and clouds his better judgement leading to him doing anything to get it. so its symbolism kinda stays the same basically?? kaname is just a greedy boy

WAIT ALSO (im writing this in one go without rly editing im gaining ideas as i write i cannot shut up now) maybe the old guy near the beginning could be ibara? then halfway through an es higher up replaces him bc ibara didnt expect nor want what happened, so he wouldnt further endorse it. (ibara is in his place until the bridge/chicken coop bit then it changes for the rest) by es higher up i mean like, gatekeeper or something maybe. tbh i dont remember much abt gatekeeper other than hes weird gross and horrible

i actually have so many ideas around what specific scenes would look like and what id add maybe ill doodle some of it at some point… i hope u enjoyed this word vomit CFHASKICJHNSGKDG id talk abt it more but my brain is completely fried now

ohhh your brain is so huge for the masked man being jun.. i love that a lot, they were both insanely disadvantaged by the Non-Special / Special Student system, kaname basically betrays both tatsumi and jun by passing off tatsumi’s jobs back to the specials and continues mistreating jun for the sake of his persona.. i can see both tatsumi and jun being the masked man actually they both fit so well for the role

in regards to the old man actually for a hot second i pictured merumeru themself as the senior with ibara as their aide becos theyre the one who plans kaname’s next actions and directly feeds him information and commands to lead him towards success.. something something within the context of baba yaga, merumeru catch on to kaname’s burgeoning desire for love and affection (ice cream!!), promising it if kaname’s able to succeed in assimilating the himeru persona, stringing him along with subtle but addicting motions of affection.. yeah…….. i have been thinking so hard about kaname baba yaga

[furiouskettle]

So there’s been a LOT of fics about Ingo going back home, or Emmet going to the past, and i’ve definitely been inspired a bit by Detours...

but what if Rei got teleported to the future instead of either of them?

I’m no writer, and i only have so much comic juice (and i havent even played Arceus) so i’m not gonna polish these any further... but i wanted to share it anyway. more thoughts and even messier scribbles under the cut!

Some ideas, most of them copypasted from me and my friend’s chats, ordered approximately in chronological order. (C= me, Y=friend)

 Rei is fully convinced the train is some sort of horrible alpha pokemon nightmare beast the first time he sees it.

Y: he hears it coming and is like "oh shit oh fuck is it a steelix???? oh god i've only ever seen the one akari brought back to pasture i can't confront one oh god oh no" and then it's a train and he's just "THIS IS WORSE SOMEHOW???"

Y: this poor child is going to have a heart attack

Emmet doesn’t consider Rei a legitimate lead at first- he’s hardly the first kid to try and find the missing subway master in the subway...

Y: on the one hand rei probs doesn't know about the Time Travel and ancestors/descendants of people he knows on the other him just awkwardly trying to convince himself "ah they must be... related..." before Emmet is like "8> no shit sherlock"

(i think im leaning towards no idea abt time travel)

C: man tho. like. rei saying that ingo never said anything abt a brother would sting emmet So Much Y: like i imagine even with rei saying he's got amnesia it would still hurt in that way where he knows it's illogical but surely he would remember. surely. C: and like. rei wouldnt know that ingo vaguely remembers but also its funny that rei would mention that ingo remembers So Many Train Phrases despite never saying what a train IS Y: rei, genuinely never more confused in his life: well at least one thing makes more sense now

Y: rei starts asking all these weird questions about extremely simple terminology and emmet suspects the kid is fucking with him but every answer he gives rei is so earnestly like "80 OH MAN I GET IT NOW" C: and like. then the kid namedrops hisui, and like. idk how good emmet's history is so either it's like. "where?" or "why are you using the outdated name" Y: i honestly imagine he'd just be like "that's not a station on this line. where did you get on" and they go in circles on that for a bit Y: eventually he says he's from Jubilife and Emmet goes "that is verrrry far away. you did not come here by train" and rei is like "i said that!!!! many times!!!!!!"

I feel it might take a while for it to sink in for rei just how far away from home he is, both geographically and chronologically.

C: also im just imagining rei just sitting politely w a cup of tea in the breakroom and some kinda vending machine snack emmet got him fbjfvgcd ill prolly have to add the electric type leader lady to the au mix just so emmet won't go too hard on rei

Y: rei explicitly says his thick layered clothes are to protect him better against pokemon attacks so i imagine elesa finding him a nice outfit (bc emmet would not care) and he's just internally sweating "aaa i'm so exposed aaaaa" C: get him a denim jacket tough material might make him feel a bit better Y: at his most powerful in a Joutfit C:no pokemon will get him now Y: i'm basically imagining him piecing together "wait akari is from here????" based purely on seeing T-shirts and going "oh damn i remember that stupid outfit"

Y: also i am imagining emmet being very focused on the ingo side of things and kind of treating poor rei as an afterthought but eventually rei just breaks down bc he's a kid and he's scared and he wants to go home Y: emmet is not the subtle or assuring type but he can use the reminder that there's more than one reason to figure this out

Y: i imagine him (rei) getting super claustrophobic in crowds just like. oh god there's so many people. there's so many strangers and he's so small and lost and how is he ever supposed to find a way--

[bbyquokka]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Got secrets i cant tell

🦙: pairing: Hyunjin & f!reader

🦙: Genre: smut. below 18? DNI

🦙: synopsis: having explicit dreams about hyunjin caused desires to build up. one night, you both caved in and fulfilled what you both want.

🦙: warnings: cheating, unprotected sex, drinking, tipsy, kissing whilst tipsy, explicit language, blowjob, face - fucking, clit play, masturbation, reader becomes dumb, degrading name (slut), implications of choking

🦙: words: 4.5k

🦙: a/n: eh. it kinda got sloppy towards the end. i need more practise writing smut tbh. this wasnt my original idea of a hyunjin fic. my original idea didn't turn out the way i wanted it to be so i decided to move onto something new. maybe i will go back to my original idea but idk, lmao. title is a lyric from “play with fire” - Sam Tinnesz ft Yacht Money. (we all know that song and still havent moved on from it) if i missed anything in warning, lmk. feedback, likes and reblogs are much appreciated. tyvm and enjoy!

🦙:  part 2

🦙: master list

"you're such a good girl for me, (Y/N). you'd do anything and everything for me, wouldn't you?" you nodded frantically. your inability to form sentence disappearing the moment hyunjin penetrated you with his cock. his hips moving from slow to fast, loving the way your face contorted in the sheer amounts of pleasure he was giving you. His veiny hands gripped onto your thighs, pushing and spreading them apart further, enabling a better view for him.

"fuck, your pussy is swallowing me. i can never get over how good you feel around me. so wet, warm and so fucking tight." he grunted as you mewled at his words, hands gripping onto the sheets tightly turning your knuckles white. his name falling out off your mouth, breathing laboured as he thrusted into you with power, the wet sounds mixing in with your moans and his grunts.

hyunjin let go off your legs and lent over you. you instantly wrapped your legs around him, heals digging into him. you wanted more, you needed more, so you tried pushing him in more causing a low chuckle to fall from the man that providing you with immense pleasure.

"such a greedy girl. you want more yet you have all of me. im balls deep in you baby yet youre so greedy and needy for me, its pathetic. its pathetic how you've become like this and its all because of me, isn't that right." he leans in close, lips close to yours, breath hitting your lips with every word that comes out off his mouth. you whimper at his dirty talk, clenching around him causing him to groan. hyunjin kisses you messily, spit and tongues becoming one with each other. you grip onto his back, nails digging in leaving crescent marks behind.

"i need you to do one thing for me baby." hyunjin murmurs against your lips. "what is it? ill do anything for you hyunjin." you whimpered against his lips

"i need you to wake up"

"what..?" you blinked, confused. "what do you mean..?"

"wake up."

you awoke suddenly, panting as you stare at the ceiling coming to terms with what just happened. still in disbelief, you sat up slowly, breathing calming down once you realised it was just another dream. you was in your room, your partner sleeping peacefully beside you. you bit your lip gently as you looked at them, feeling slightly guilty that this was becoming a reoccurring thing. deciding to go for a shower to somewhat calm down some more, you threw the duvet off you, making your way to the bathroom. it was at that moment that you felt an uncomfortable stickiness, underwear sticking to your crotch.

deciding to do something about it, you turned the shower on and locked the bathroom door, back sliding down it as you parted your legs, taking your underwear off. throwing them into the dirty wash basket, you slowly rubbed small circles on your clit, moaning quietly. your free hand playing with your breast slowly, occasionally squeezing the flesh. you dipped your finger into your entrance, finger becoming wet with your essence and using it to stimulate your clit more. you closed your eyes, thinking back to the dream you awoke from.

it felt so real, so good. the way his skin felt against yours, his breath against your lips. the way his hips moved against yours as he thrusted into you. he was gentle, but firm which is what you like. he complimented you, calling you a good girl and that your pussy felt so good around him. he was on the verge of being pussy drunk. you wanted it, you wanted him. you slipped two fingers inside, moving them fast as you thought about all the dirty things you wanted to do to hyunjin. the hand that was on your breast, came down to rub fast circles on your clit, hyunjins name falling from your mouth in the form of quiet whimpers.

you imagined hyunjin was with you right now being the one that was pleasuring you or maybe, he would watch you pleasuring yourself, calling you a good girl, his dirty slut. you wanted his big hands around you, around your neck if possible. a familiar knot started to tighten as you continued to pleasure yourself, thinking of hyunjin, moaning out his name. with one final rub and thrust of the fingers, the knot became undone, your orgasm rippling throughout your body causing you to shake and instinctively close your legs. you bit your lip hard to stop you from calling out hyunjins name as you rode our your orgasm.

coming down from it, a wave of guilt washed over you. your brain becoming clear and aware of what just happened. you just got yourself off thinking of someone else, whilst your partner was sound asleep in the room next door. you sighed, standing up and taking the rest of your nightwear off, stepping into the warm shower. you let the water run over your body as you started to think.

sadly, this wasn't a first for you. waking up wet from a sex dream about hyunjin then locking yourself in the bathroom to get yourself off was becoming a regular thing and it had been for a couple of months now, ever since you met him. its not like you was starving of human touch either, you and your partner are pretty active in the bedroom department, they know how to please you but when they introduced you to hyunjin, his work colleague, you was blown away.

you thought you had met a God, a prince. his beauty was breath-taking, almost overwhelming. from his long, shiny hair that someone stayed in place and never became messy, to his perfectly proportioned face, you thanked the heavens above for blessing your eyes with such beauty in the form of Hwang Hyunjin. As time went on, he slowly became a part of your life. You both got on very well very quickly, which your partner liked. they said it was good that you was finally getting to have some friends and being social. you would invite hyunjin over for dinner at times, sometimes go on shopping dates together or have a picnic in the park. the more time you spent with him, the more you got to know him.

you learnt that he's a hopeless romantic and it showed in his art work. pictures of couples kissing, hugging, taking walks together in the form of either watercolour or pencil was enough to make you think that he couldn't get any more perfect. he gifted you a watercolour painting of your favourite flowers for your birthday which is hung proudly in the hallway. The more hyunjin opened up you, the more you got to know him better and it was until you learnt that he hasn't been in a relationship for a few years, claiming that he only gets used for his looks.

"Its a confidence boost to them, to gossip about how they’re with someone like me. and im not talking about the good kind of confidence boost." you vaguely remember him saying those words before claiming that he only does one night stands. That was the beginning of your curiosity. Hyunjin is a man, he has needs and what he does with his sex life, is his business - but you wanted to be part of that business.

a few weeks went by with you thinking about him. what would he be like? would he be passionate and caring, treating you like a Queen or would he be rough and selfish, not caring about you but himself, chasing his own high. you'd often daydream about his hands roaming around your body, groping your ass and breast, occasionally wrapping his long fingers around your neck, pressing gently before they would be inside you, thrusting and curving them to hit that sweet spot.

you was lost in your thoughts one day whilst grocery shopping until you overheard two females gossiping about hyunjin. you know you shouldn't eavesdrop but you couldn't help yourself once you heard his name. you overheard them both explaining how he knew how to treat and pleasure a woman right, knew which spots to hit and where. How he was an expert in the oral department. "the pleasure was so intense, i thought i was going to pass out." overhearing everything they had to say, made you crave for hyunjin and that craving was merely satisfied one night.

your partner had gone out with a few of his friends, a catch up, he called it but you knew he would be coming home drunk at 4am. An hour into being alone, you called hyunjin over, claiming you needed company and you was bored. 10 minutes later, he was round your apartment, both of you sat on the sofa, gossiping about everything whilst occasionally taking shots and drinking.

after your 4th or 5th shot, you felt the alcohol take effect. you felt a little warm and light-headed. you was a happy drunk, laughing at almost anything there was to laugh at. Hyunjin was also a little tipsy and you learnt that tipsy hyunjin equals physical touch. he couldn't keep his hands off you and not in a sexual way. whenever you would crack a joke, he would slap your thigh gently, push you slightly whilst in fits of giggles. his hands would be situated on your thigh, thumb rubbing small circles on the flesh. Whether it was the alcohol taking effect or your curiosity getting the better of you, you became brave.

hyunjin was putting his glass down on the coffee table, licking his lips causing you to overally stare at them. he noticed you looking, his eyebrow raising slightly as his lips curled into a smirk. he placed his soft hands on your cheek, leaning in slowly. your heart hammered against your chest as you closed your eyes, preparing yourself for what was about to come. After a few seconds, you felt warm, soft lips pressed against your own. you hummed softly, your own hands situating themselves on top of his thighs.

with a little more confidence, hyunjin moved his lips and you responded by moving your own in sync with his. His tongue darting out and licking your bottom lip slowly, requesting permission which you gladly did by parting your own lips. your tongues collided together, spit pooling at the corners of your mouth. Your breathing heavy as you felt excited, skin heating up. you was melting into him, into the kiss. butterflies erupting in your stomach, arousal present at the pit of your stomach. you moaned softly wanting more, needing more. hyunjin pulled away slowly, biting his lip. you opened your eyes and looked at him, swallowing slightly. it wasnt until you was both calm that guilt settled in for you both. you both crossed that line that should never be crossed. you both vowed to keep it a secret, to carry on as normal so your partner, his best friend, wouldn't get suspicious.

a few weeks had passed since the kiss and that was when the dreams started. it started of vague, your dreams taking you back to that night but it soon started to escalate. from kissing to fingering, giving and receiving oral. you would do it in public, in photo booths, changing rooms, cinemas. your dreams where driving you crazy at that point because it just made you want hyunjin more and to feed the burning desire and curiosity within.

Your first full blown sex dream happened shortly after and that was the icing on the cake for you. most mornings you'd awake and do your ritual of locking yourself in the bathroom to pleasure yourself whilst thinking back to your dreams. you couldnt bear it anymore but at the same time, you felt guilty. your partner had no idea what was going on in that head of yours and he also had no idea that you and his best friend shared an intimate kiss. you was good at acting normal with him.

the day you decided to put some distance between you and hyunjin, was the day that you masturbated to him whilst he was in your apartment. it was a scorching hot day and hyunjin decided to stop by, have a chat with his best friend and work colleagues. He was dressed in a sleeveless top and denim shorts. nothing out of the ordinary right? however, his long hair was tied up, loose stands fell in front of his angelic face, he was noticeably sweating, face and neck shiny with moisture, his little baby hairs at the back of his neck sticking to his skin. it was like your dream, except a hundred times better.

you couldn't concentration on what he had to say that day. you couldn't help but admire him, admire how his biceps looked, how his eyes would crinkle when he smiled or that infectious laugh of his that you adore. you had to excuse yourself when Hyunjin innocently placed a hand on your leg, skin burning up instantly. you locked yourself in the bathroom, panting and aroused. after you was done, you decided that it was best for you to distance yourself from hyunjin, for your own sake. you couldn't carry on like this anymore.

months later, you was still having dreams but the weren't as frequent anymore. trying to distance yourself from hyunjin was hard at the beginning but you somehow managed. when he would come over, you'd excuse yourself and go to the store or a café. When he would text you asking if you wanted to grab a coffee, you'd lie and say you wasnt feeling very well. you thought your mind had calmed down until he showed up at your door unannounced.

that's how you found yourself in your current situation. you was backed up against the wall, hyunjin hands placed on the wall beside your head, trapping you in. your mind doing a full 360, butterflies erupting in your stomach, spreading all over your body. your inches away from his body, his lips. those lips you kissed months ago.

"why have you been avoiding me, (Y/N)?" you turned your head to the side, avoiding his gaze. he grabbed your chin firm but gently, making you look at him. you swallowed, heart beat picking up in pace as you looked in his eyes.

"I - I dont know what you mean." you whispered. you could feel yourself slowly crumbling under his touch, melting away as his eyes bore into your own.

"Don't play dumb with me. You don't think i don't know. every since the kiss, you've been acting strange around me. did i do something wrong? something to upset you? did you not like this kiss?" you pressed your lips together, words stuck in your throat. Hyunjin leant in close, his breath hitting the shell of your ear before smirking. "But i know you liked it. i know what you did that day, in the bathroom."

eyes widening, you looked at hyunjin panicked. You had been caught, you thought you was careful. you especially took extra precautions that day. you looked at your feet, eyes welling with tears. you was embarrassed, ashamed.

"I'm sorry." you shakily whispered. hyunjin laughed softly before lifting your chin up with his fingers. "Don't be. it was hot. hearing you moan my name like that. but it does make me wonder, what else do you fantasy about?"

you stayed silent, embarrassed as a flood of dreams and memories came rushing back to you. you shook your head no indicating that you wasn't going to tell. Hyunjin ran his fingers through his hair before leaning in close to your lips. you instinctively licked your own.

"be a good girl and tell me what you fantasies about." you snapped, rationality gone, flying out the window. his hands were trailing down your sides, turning you into putty. he smirked. he had you right where he wanted you.

"i think about how we would have sex in public. i-in cinemas and changing rooms. how id be on my knees, allowing you to use my mouth and fuck my throat. Id let you use me, b-because I'm just a toy, a slut for you." you whimpered as hyunjin growled lowly.

"how long has this been going on for?"

"since we met.." hyunjin let out a shaky breath. the air between you both was so thick with want and arousal, you could cut it with a knife. Hyunjin suddenly crashed his lips against yours. it took a few seconds for you to realise what was happening before you closed your eyes and melted into the kiss, into him. his hands snaked around your waist, pulling you flush to his body. moans and groans mixed with tongues, saliva and pants. you pulled away slightly, whispering "we cant do this. my partner, your friend. what i they walk in? what if we get caught?"

"fuck it. I've wanted you for so long, its agonizing. i want to sink my teeth into you, devour you. i want to feel you around my aching cock, call you a good girl as i watch you ride me. i want to see that pretty face of yours full of pleasure that i will so happily give to you. getting caught just adds to the fun."

you lost. you caved into your pent up desires. your kisses were filled with hunger. his hands trailing over your curves, squeezing ever inch before he squeezed your breasts. you whimpered softly before pulling away from his lips. making eye contact with him, you slowly lowered yourself to your knees, grabbing the waistband of his pants and underwear.

"w-wait. what are you doing?"

"let me. i want to, i always have. I'm going crazy, hyunjin. i want this, i want you." you was desperate as you pulled down his clothing. you didn't care how needy or slutty you looked or sounded, you had him here and you wasn't going to let the opportunity slip away from you again. Hyunjin was in shocked, seeing this side of you ignited something deep within him. running his fingers through your hair, he hummed as he watched you.

pulling clothing down to his ankles, his hard cock sprung free. you swallowed and licked your lips. it was better than you imagined, better than your dreams. you gently grabbed the base, feeling the warmth against your hand as you slowly stroked him, rotating your wrist slightly. you looked up at the man who was towering over you to see his eyebrows furrowed together, lip caught in between his teeth.

sticking your tongue out, you licked from base to tip slowly. you planted soft and delicate kisses along the side before licking it again. stopping at the tip, you licked it, salty pre cum collecting on your tongue. Hyunjin groaned, encouraging you to wrap you lips around him. your warm mouth caved him in as you sucked, flattening your tongue and hollowing out your cheeks. your hand had moved to his balls, fondling them. hyunjin moaned, tugging your hair and collecting it into a make shift ponytail. you stopped suddenly and closed your eyes. you tapped on hyunjin's thighs. he swallowed when he realised what you wanted him to do.

hyunjin thrusted into your mouth slowly, testing the waters to see how far he could go. once confident that he could be a bit rougher, he picked up the pace, going deeper, the tip reaching the back of your throat. hyunjin moaned and groaned as he continued to abuse your throat with his cock, the grip on your hair tightening. tears collected in the corners of your eyes, drool slowly making it way down your chin and on the floor beneath you. your underwear was soaked with arousal, pussy clenching around nothing.

hyunjin pulled his cock out off your mouth, making a loud 'pop'. whimpering at the lost, hyunjin looked down at you to see the state you was in. eyes hooded, chin wet with drool, hair tousled and lips slightly swollen. kneeling down to you, he wiped your chin, brushing his thumb along your bottom lip

"you did such a good job, (Y/N). i always knew you was such a good girl." you whimpered at his praises, your hand making its way down to your pussy. hyunjin watched with a raised brow, licking his lips when your hand disappeared underneath the fabric of your underwear. you rubbed slow circles on your clit, moaning softly. Hyunjin watched your every more and it wasn't until you looked him in the eye and moaned his name, that he snapped.

in one swift motion, he had picked you up and thrown you over his shoulder. you squealed as he made his way to the bedroom you share with your partner. throwing you onto the soft mattress gently, you propped yourself up by your elbows and spread your legs allowing hyunjin to see the damn spot that had accumulated from your arousal. you licked your bottom lip as you looked at hyunjin, fingertips feathering along the inside of your thigh.

discarding the rest of his clothes, hyunjin knelt on the bed in between your legs, taking your top off. his hands lightly trailed up from your stomach to your right breast, gripping it in his big hands, squeezing it. you whimpered softly before kissing him again, this time with hunger. Hyunjins fingers grazed over your nipple, the sensitive nub causing you to shiver and mewl.

pulling away from your lips, he shimmed his way to situate himself between your legs. grabbing the waistband of your underwear, he pulled the down and off. the cold air hitting your arousal caused you to shiver. Hyunjins dragged his finger up and down your slit, occasionally rubbing your clit, teasing your entrance by sliding one finger in and then back out again causing you to clench and squirm

"Hyunjin, stop teasing me! i need you so bad! im going insane! give me that cock of yours. ruin me, devour me. ive wanted you for months and all your doing is teasing me!" you whined, eyes becoming wet with tears of frustration. hyunjin didn't think he was that kind of man, seeing someone beg and be frustrated due to him teasing. he didn't think he would be the type of person to love seeing someone cry yet here he was, cock twitching at the sight you begging for him, hot tears collecting in the corners of your eyes. his name rolling off your tongue in the form of frustrated whimpers.

"give it to me. hyunjin. please, give it to me. i need it. i need you. i need your cock inside me, ruining my insides. i don't care anymore, i just- please!!"

in one swift motion, hyunjin was on his back, you straddled on top of him. your entrance hovered above his tip as his hands situated themselves on your waist.

"you want it, you work for it." pressing your lips together, you grabbed the base of his cock, guiding it towards your entrance. slowly lowering yourself, you felt the burn due to being stretch. hyunjins hands squeezed your waist tightly, doing everything in his power to not slam you down. you soon had his entire length inside you, waiting a few minutes to get use to his size.

"s-so big." you mewled, slowly lifting your hips ups before lowering them again. you picked up the pace once you got accustomed to his size, mewls turning into moans with added groans mixed in from the man below you.

"fuck (Y/N) you’re so wet, so tight for me. i cant believe i’ve waited all this time to fuck you!" hyunjin thrusting upwards to met with your thrusts, moans and wet sounds filling up the bedroom. "Fuck this" hyunjin growled, putting you on your back. grabbing your hips and pushing his length back in. his thrust were quick. he was balls deep in you, his hips snapping against your own. the tip of his cock hitting that soft, squishy area that made you toss and turn in pleasure.

your skin was on fire. your hips and back of your thighs starting to hurt from the constant snapping of hyunjins hips. your mind was blank, the only thing you could think of was the glorious man above you. your hands grabbing his shoulders, nails digging into his soft, milky skin leaving crescent marks behind. pleasure was rippling through your body.

"good. s-so good. its so good. you're so good. oh g-god!" you closed your eyes, a familiar knot tightening in the pit of your stomach as hyunjin rubbed lazy circles on your clit, your pussy clenching around his cock causing him to grunt

"you close, doll? you want to cum?" you nodded frantically, your hand grabbing his wrist that was rubbing your clit, squeezing tightly as you became closer to the edge. "fuck, (Y/N). i don't think i can last much longer either."

"inside. cum inside."

"you sure? that's really risky. we're not even using protection for a start."

"its ok. on the pill. its fine, just give it to me. please hyunjin. i want all of you!" with a final snap of his hips, the knot became undone. moaning out his name in a string of curses, your body twitched, back arched and legs shake as you rode out your high with the help of hyunjin. you pushed away his hand that was stimulating your clit claiming you was sensitive to the touch. seeing you orgasm was enough for hyunjin to halt his movements, body twitching as he painted your walls with him cum. he thrusted shallowly, helping to ride out both your highs before gently pulling out and resting beside you.

panting and covered in sweat, you looked at hyunjin and smiled sleepily. he extended his hand out and stroked your cheek softly. for a brief moment, you forgot about the world, about life. it was you and him, together.

"what do we do now?" you asked, opening your eyes

"well, we go shower and clean up."

"no silly. what do WE do now. as in, where does this lead us?" hyunjin hummed for a second, thinking.

"well, i enjoyed it. a lot." you nodded, feelings mutual. "however, there is a slight problem to that. we 100% crossed that line that shouldn't be crossed and i cant help but feel guilty for it but at the same time, its exhilarating."

you nodded again, agreeing with him. he's right, its so wrong what you two had just done but it felt so right. you felt guilty because your partner didn't deserve the betrayal from you both however, the danger of possibly being caught was exciting to you both. "do you wanna continue or..?"

"do you?" he turned the question back onto you. you thought about it for a second before nodding slowly.

"then i guess you'll be my little secret, princess."

[mango-bango-bby]

Hello Miss Mango! I requested 💐 with Momo, and idk if you got that request or not but imma re-request is just to make sure!

💐 with Momo where she has a big but secret crush on reader(female please), and on movie night she pays no mind to the TV and starts to finger reader and whispers how much of a crush she has for them 👉👈

♡ Closer ♡

(A/N: I wrote this while listening to Slumber Party by Ashnikko and honestly there is no better song to write something like this too 💖💞 I love writing for Momo and I’m so excited to write for her again!!! I hope you like this, my smut is never really the best 👉👈 But I’m actually really proud of this fic *for once lmao* so I’m excited to see how y’all react to it, so like comment if you want 🥺🥺👉👈)

Content Warning ⚠️: Yandere, NSFW, DUB-CON, manipulation, fingering, mentions of masturbation, slight cum play

Summary: Momo + Roommate AU (Yan!Momo x Fem!reader)

3k Prompt List ➸ ♡

Masterlist ➸ ♡

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You snuggle into the fluffy blanket around you and your roommate, Momo. This was a normal occurrence, you two would cuddle under a blanket while watching a movie. You two did this once every few days.

Momo was truly one of the best roommates you could’ve asked for, she was so kind. Offering you a place to live, an incredibly nice place to live too considering how much money she has, for quite a low price. And she was always just so kind to you! She often got you small gifts, helped you with things, made food for you, took care of you while you were ill, she was just the best.

You watch the screen intently, the new rom-com Momo has gotten playing on it. You try not to fall asleep, her hand rubbing your arm and her expensive perfume both comforting you and making you sleepy. You look so cute, falling asleep against Momo’s chest. Momo has honestly been waiting for this moment, a sweet moment to finally show how much she cared for you.

You don’t think anything of it when Momo shifts the way your sitting so you’re sitting a bit closer to her. However confusion sets in your mind when Momo’s delicate and soft hand travels further down your body. “Umm, Momo? What’re you d-doing?” You ask softly, you don’t want to be rude or push her away. After all, she’s done so much for you but the situation at hand isn’t exactly what you want.

“Don’t worry, doll, I’m just showing you that I appreciate you” Momo says, you gently trying to pull her hand away from you but she easily overpowers you. She’s never called you that before, the pet name making your stomach erupt into butterflies. “Darling, you know, I can hear you through my walls? When you touch yourself at night��� She says calmly, her fingers rubbing your clit through your thin panties.

Momo can feel your body go rigid at her words, you had no idea she could hear you! You didn’t masturbate often, but when you did, you thought you were being quiet. “It never sounds like you can never finish, can you? You wouldn’t mind if I helped you finish, would you, sweetheart?” Momo asks, one hand pushing your panties to the side and one cupping and toying with your breast.

She was right, you’ve never been able to make your yourself cum. At least not very often. It wasn’t as pleasurable when you were doing it to yourself, but now you have Momo’s slender fingers slowly entering you, they seems longer than yours, gently scissoring their way into you.

“Sto-op” you whimper, letting out shallow breaths, Momo only humming in your ear at your words. It feels so good, she’s good at this. It’s like she knows all of your sweet spots, curling her finger in just the right place to get you to let out a sweet moan. Momo absolutely loves the sounds leaving your lips, she takes her other hand off of your breast, using it to gently brush some of your hair back.

“I love you so much, doll. You’re my sweet darling” Momo absentmindedly speaks, placing sweet kisses into your neck. Her plump lips gently brushing your soft skin. She picks up the pace slightly, listening to your small whimpers of ‘please’ as she curls her fingers against your g-spot. Momo isn’t lying to you, she’s really been in love with you since you moved in here. She thought you were beautiful, but then she fell so hard for you. And with how much of a good girl you were being right now, she fell even harder.

Your breaths and whines speed up along with the black-haired woman’s fingers. You feeling closer and closer to your climax. She was a lot better at this than you were, you hadn’t felt such pleasure before, probably in your life. She just knew your body so well, somehow.

“Let go, darling. Cum for me, I know you can” Momo encourages, her smooth voice making you feel more hot in the moment. Her resting her head on your shoulders, awaiting your climax. It gets closer and closer. Yet it still comes a lot sooner than you were expecting, a wave a pleasure washing over you, you letting out an involuntary moan as your back arches into her touch.

Momo smiles at your state, you after a minute or two collapse against her, resting your head against your chest. She gently takes her fingers out of you, bringing them up to her mouth to taste you for a moment. You taste so good. Momo’ s other hand gently petting your head as a form of slight aftercare.

You were such a good girl for her, she knows she’ll be doing this again soon. After all, you’re hers now.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Thank you for reading, darling!!

[honey-im-hotdog]

You’re My Home

Ronald Speirs x reader

Author’s Note: She may be depressed folks, but she’s still able to write garbage! I am completely in love with this fucker so here’s a little snippet from ONE of my daydream scenarios for Speirs (cause I’ve got three whole ass ocs and daydreams going on at the same time for this bitch, it’s the ✨mental illnesses✨ sis). Enjoy ;)

Obviously this is based on the HBO miniseries, no disrespect to the actual guys.

As always, reader is supposed to be gn+vague, so if you catch any mistakes related to that please let me know.

Word Count: 0.7k I’m incapable of writing anything longer 😭

Warnings: Cheessyyyy, ooc sparky?, me trying to be romantic but failing idk, the wrong use of the word “incite” (I spent like 5+ minutes on thesaurus.com trying to find a better word but couldn’t so deal with it), probably bad uwu

Summary: You tell Ron he’s your home. (Lol this summary is so cringy 💀)

god it was so hard choosing a gif I got too busy just looking at them all and then to top it off he had to look fine as fuck in all of them 😭😭 it’s not fair!!

Germany had surrendered. Victory in Europe had passed by you months ago. You should have been home, but instead here you are, in the beautiful town of Zell Am See, waiting to go to the Pacific. Waiting to go to war again.

You, actually, have enough points to go home; you don’t need to go to the other side of the world to continue fighting in this damn war, not anymore. But how do you leave your men—your friends—behind? You don’t want to stay, but what home are you supposed to return to? What home do you go back to when home has become something new?

“You’ve decided, haven't you?”

You’re currently standing at the desk in Ron’s room, while he sits at the foot of the bed, elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of him, and his lips pressed against them. You can tell by the look on his face, a mix of apprehension and determination staining his features. You can also guess what decision he’s come to exactly.

He isn’t looking at you, his solomun eyes cast downwards. You can count on one hand the amount of times he’s shied away from meeting your eyes, so this further solidifies what you’re sure he’s about to utter next.

“I’m staying.” Your breath hitches for a second, but you aren’t really surprised. “The, uh, the men need someone to guide them an—”

“Ron,” your gentle voice shuts him up. It’s the understanding seeping through the single word that finally has him looking up at you. “I understand, honey.” Your smile surprises him.

“Yeah?” You’ve only heard his voice sound this soft occasionally.

You know he’s worried about you, regarding him wanting to stay behind and keep fighting the war. He doesn’t want you to go to the Pacific, but he also doesn’t want to let you go. Not now that you two have finally gotten together, not now after you two spent the last three years dancing around each other.

Not now that you’re finally his.

“Darling,” you cross the room and sit next to him, your body pressing into his side. You start to speak but let out a heavy sigh and take his hand instead. After a beat of silence, you continue, “ever since the rumors about the Pacific started a while ago, I had a feeling you’d wanna stay. As much as I don’t like it. It’s obvious you were made to be in the military,” you add a little laugh at the end, which incits a tiny quirk of his lips in return, before he looks down at your intertwined fingers. “And as much as I hate the idea of continuing fighting, I’m going to stay as long as you will.”

He’s quick to start protesting. “No. You have to go hom—”

“Ron, I’m not going home,” you get his attention again. “There isn’t a home left for me back there. These past three years I’ve realized something: home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling,” you duck your head a little to the side to make sure he’s looking at you, “and that feeling for me is you, Ron. I’ll go wherever you go.” You hold his gaze for a second before adding in a warm whisper, “I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.”

He whispers your name back in disbelief, but you can hear the underlying happiness in his voice.

“Ronald Speirs,” you begin, moving off of the bed.

“No,” he shakes his head, finally smiling, “no, I’m supposed to be doing this.” He moves to grab something from his pocket but you press your hands over his and get down before him.

“Yeah well, I’m beating you to it, Sparky.” You grin wide and look up at him, “Ronald Spei—”

“Will you marry me?”

“Ron!” You fall back onto your heels with a huff, “that’s not fair!” Your whine draws out a laugh from him.

He slides off of the bed and kneels with you, “c’mon baby, say you’ll marry me.”

“No.” You pout and cross your arms, turning your head to the left.

He moves towards you and hugs you close to his chest, “okay fine, I’m sorry. I’ll let you ask me.”

“No.”

He lets out a chuckle and drops his head onto your shoulder. “Ask me. Please.”

After a second’s pause, you turn to face him. You gently cup his cheeks and ask, “Ronald Speirs, will you marry me?”

“Yeah,” his breathy response comes in an instant. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile so freely. “Yeah, I’ll marry you, darling.”

[missycolorful]

It's so sad, hearing that c!Fundy is completely pushing away any attempt at being close to the adult figures in his life. The damage c!Wilbur had done in the past is just too great, further emphasized how other figures like c!Schlatt have had... complicated relationships with him. And his father being back only brought back unpleasant memories for c!Fundy, made clear by his drastic actions at the end of the last lore stream with Wilbur. He seems to just... not want to further any bonds with anyone, especially adults who could be parental figures for him. Even though there are people out there who are available to be there for him.

Despite what c!Fundy said, c!Phil and him have started healing their damaged relationship, which was forged from betrayal and other pain. It's strongly likely that if Fundy and Eret were to go up to Phil, he would assist in the adoption process (well, idk if he'd bring up c!Wilbur or anything, since Fundy is his son, but anyway). But because c!Phil did not sign the document, Fundy assumed the worst and thought Philza didn't care.

Which, firstly, Fundy didn't sign it either. c!Eret had missed the adoption day, so neither of them never had the chance to. Also, when Fundy told his grandfather that Eret didn't show up, c!Philza felt bad, even taking Fundy fishing to help him feel better. Yes, this was before the Butcher Army situation that made Phil cut ties with him, but he really did want to be there for him. While they will never be super close, they have made up; Phil outright mentioned he wanted Fundy to be safe. But because c!Fundy is so damaged by his experiences with his father, as well as what happened in the last lore stream, he assumes the worst out of the people in his life who genuinely care and have shown that in the past, via other, more negative moments with these people that hold a greater magnitude in the present.

Like, we all know that c!Eret absolutely wants to adopt him. Regarding missing the day of Fundy's adoption, ignoring the meta context, c!Eret simply wasn't available that day. There was no ill intention, like how Phil not signing the adoption papers weren't out of malice. It was just something beyond anyone's control ("We never found the time"). While Fundy may think that means they don't care, that's far from the truth; Eret has always cared. Despite missing an important moment, after everything, even after all of this time, they haven't changed their mind one bit about the adoption. This isn't even up for debate. We see them run through the room and into the rain when they see chat saying "adopt him!" And we can tell because we can see how much Eret cares about Fundy. Saying how he'll always have a home with them. It's all there.

But Fundy does not see her, nor does he hear her kind, loving words; he logs off before that happens. He completely dismisses the idea. Whether it's because his father is still around. Whether it's because he still thinks about how she didn't show up that day. Whether it's because time and time again, parental figures have hurt him, turned their backs on him, et cetra. No matter these reasons, Fundy allows his brain to let these depressing thoughts win out, that "nah, it's been too long. it doesn't matter. who cares?"

Except people do care, Fundy. They care so fucking much. You just need to talk to them, let them in. Even if it's scary, even if it's hard, it can be okay. You just need to give them just a sliver of trust, and I promise it will be worth it.

[probably-haven]

How Visions Work(Theory)

genshin spoilers

there’s a lot of headcanons about the effect of visions on the body temperature of the characters with pyro or cryo visions but a lot of them stop there an i want to propose we take it one step further

so the general agreement is that pyro users run hot and cryo characters run cold but imma take a moment to talk about the science of that real quick.

if something feels warm, its because the object is expelling heat from itself to its outside environment(itself losing warmth) if something feels cold, its because it’s absorbing and taking the heat from the outside environment into itself(itself gaining warmth)

which actually matches up pretty well with how i believe their visions work which ill cover before getting into what i think that means

pyro visions work by absorbing the users body heat and before then expelling it into the environment when they wish to use it. When the vision reaches what is essentially its max storage capacity, it resumes working at normal, absorbing heat from the user until it’s used, but at this point it stabilizes, because the pyro energy built up within begins overflowing into the nearby environment, a majority of it returning to the user to keep their body temperature from getting too dangerously out of wack. But by passing through the vision, the body heat is converted into pyro energy and made more intense, so the surplus tends to linger around the user, hence the heat that can be felt when touching or around them. the user can then use their powers with either the pyro energy stored in the vision, or that which still lingers around them. 

cryo visions on the other hand work in a bit more of a complicated manor. like pyro visions and other visions, most of the energy that they get is from interaction with the user, in this instance, steadily taking heat from the environment that would have naturally have been observed by the vision had it been any other inanimate object and passing in through the vision and into the user, the process creating of the heat leaving the vision creating cryo energy, a sort of anti-heat vaccuum-like substance, which once it reaches it’s max, overflows in a way similar to the pyro vision, leaking into the nearby environment, helping to balance the user’s body temperature while the remainder lingers around them, absorbing heat from the environment. the user can then use the energy stored in the vision(less than pyro because more steps means less room) or that which still lingers around them (more because less room means more over flow), plus they need more surplus in order to balance cuz their temperature is more volatile

visions do however possess the ability to begin expelling energy early should the user’s body temperature become too dangerous, an ability that is missing from delusions of the corresponding element

-

this leads me to have a few headcanons that i really like because im obsessed with angst

1. contrary to what you might believe, after using a significant amount of their powers, Pyro users are are absolutely cold to the touch(cuz the lack of surplus energy leaves nothing to disguise or raise their low body temperature as the constantly absorbing heat to refuel) and Cryo users feel hot (the lack of surplus energy doing nothing to disguise or lower their high body temperature as the vision is constantly having to expel surrounding heat into the user in order to refuel cryo energy)

2. however during this state they are also the least likely to leave behind traces of elemental energy(like those that can be seen with elemental sight) 

3. this cycling of energy actually makes a vision behave more like a part of the user that also serves its own role in maintaining homeostasis (makes it so losing a vision is quite literally comparable to losing an organ)

4. until the vision has enough stored energy for surplus to linger, Cryo users are prone to over heating and Pyro users are prone to the opposite

5. this rapid and common changing of internal body temperature also tends to weaken their immune systems

6. the lingering surplus of energy is also more easy to manipulate than the stored energy, so while it lingers, it has a tendency to be easily influenced by the user’s emotions. 

7. yes this means accidentally freezing and setting things on fire during emotional extremes, or more subtle effects for those that are less extreme

8. in dragonspine, Cyro users are actually weaker but healthier. The lack of heat to cycle through their vision and body means less cryo energy is created, but less heat is there to build up in their bodies

9. Pyro users on the other hand- are in real big danger, unless they made sure to have large amounts of elemental energy before hand. They take longer at the torches they like because they need every bit of heat to raise their naturally low temperature and to make more pyro energy to both light the next torch, and to constantly have enough surplus that it doesn’t just steadily drain all the pyro they have. 

10. a lot of the pyro users are overly energetic and active and move around alot, which is known to raise body temperature, and whould help with this, then there’s hu tao who while energetic is not all that active, but i think her job of “guarding the border” makes her more tolerant of the low body temperature. similar to yanfei’s constitution as an adeptus. Bennet is energetic but doesn’t move around quite as much and all, but... his luck is bad enough that he just thinks everyone feels like/has to deal with that. and Diluc- we’ve all seen the fluffy jacket. Klee constantly setting grass on fire and otherwise being hyper. Amber, gliding champion of mondstad, “i feel like running” Amber. Yoimiya is pretty active and works around fire. I dont have Xinyan so i dont know for sure in her case but i assume it fits the bill. 

11. as for cryo characters- Qiqi is a zombie and Ganyu is half adeptus, different constitution. A lot of the characters are or try to be more calm and level headed, known for being kind of “slackers” to use kaeya’s words, though by this i mean they dont do excessive physical activity outside of training and that which is necessary. Diona is a bartender, often staying in one place, the opposite of pyro, keeping her body temperature down. Ayaka rarely leaves the kamisato estate. Chongyun is complicated- more on him later. Rosaria known for shirking her church duties and being basically lazy, the same as Kaeya. And Eula- i actually dont have an explanation- maybe just... the training to endure- like that one test where you have to walk through dragonspine all fancy without being thrown off. 

now as for Chongyun

him with his popsicles and yang energy, needing to maintain a cool body temperature at all times as a result of his constitution 

i mentioned a failsafe of visions, where should their users’ body temperature lean to dangerously to any one extreme, the vision will begin releasing the stored elemental energy early.

Chongyun’s however doesn’t store energy at all, instead immediately expelling all cryo energy it makes as soon as it forms so it can immediately absorb any dangerous body heat that Chongyun was exposed to in it’s making. This means that the surplus energy(the type more likely to be accidentally manipulated by emotions) around Chongyun is more than most other cryo users would have.

however, the balance is really fragile because his temperature is kept from getting out of hand almost entirely by his vision so external factors are extremely dangerous, as there is a still a cooldown between the transfer of heat the release of cryo energy- so unexpected sources of heat can cause a rapid rise in already fragile temperature that runs its course and wreaks havoc on the childe before the cryo energy is able to balance it out- and the problem is- with the surplus being easily manipulated by emotions, the sudden rise in temperature has a tendency to activate it, using it up and leaving him without a source of temperature regulation, which only worsens the problem. at which point the vision probably begins storing cryo energy until theres enough built up to reset his body temperature in one go- which usually ends with him passed out.

anyways i had a lot more planned to write but if i kept going i fear how long it’d get- i just think it has potential to evolve into a lot of cool things and theories for how the world works, and reflect the archons..... let me explain that-

so assuming anemo energy is created bey absorbing and then renewing the oxygen in the user’s blood, as opposed to dangerous body temperatures, it tends to have an anemic affect on their wielders, hence why all the anemo vision users have this tired air to them, Xiao’s... Xiao-ness- he just looks exhausted, Jean’s constant exhaustion that totally isnt made any better by her workload, Kazuha’s general calm relaxed disposition, and sucrose’s general demeanor- idk i just think anemo vision wielders give off anemic vibes, until they have enough surplus for the taken oxygen to replenish

except for venti- who doesn’t actually use a vision, who is literally a wind sprite, made of air- always running around and being all energetic- because he doesn’t face these problems- if anything he has extra energy and air to use. He’s basically the opposite. (windrise may have some weight in this-)

which means other archons may model this-

im not sure about geo but with electro

assuming that the constant transfer of electricity through the user’s body would eventually have a frying effect that shortens their lifespan over time(an idea largely inspired by Lisa’s voice line on visions and other theories on it) then Baal’s steady eternity serves as another opposite to this and yet pursuing eternity it becomes odd that she would give visions at all, so i feel archons must get some benefit from giving visions or she wouldn’t have done it-

but anyways imma stop now- hopefully someone found this interesting and runs with it, but if not it makes sense too

... actually geo might have something to do with an erosion-like metaphor, similar to what was brought up in the azdaha fight

still thinking about hydro tho, and im not even gonna bother with dendro

....

..... can you tell that I kin Sucrose and Albedo yet? It’s not even funny istg it’s becoming a problem .... actually scratch that i have a dark sense of humor, its kinda pretty funny

[iamanartichoke]

I wrote a Thing. It’s extremely long. I’d prefer it not be reblogged; I wrote this for my own catharsis and would prefer it not be circulated, bc of Reasons. 

I changed my mind, okay to reblog. <3 

Under a cut for (extreme, did I mention?) length. 

So I got about 12 minutes of sleep last night, as you do, and around 3am or so I found myself - out of sheer curiosity - going down a meta hole of Ragnarok discourse, trying to figure out where this "satisfying redemption arc" for Loki happened. (I mean, there's a lot of things I would like to figure out, but I started there.) Because I could. 

Basically I was looking for meta that went into detail about how Loki was redeemed in a satisfactory way. The ‘satisfactory’  is an important word here bc there is a redemption arc in the film, in that Loki starts off the film as an antagonist (kinda) to Thor and he ends the film as an ally to Thor, standing at Thor's side. In that sense, yes, there's a redemption arc. I didn't find much (and I had no idea how much people just despise Ragnarok "antis" [I really dislike that word] but that's another topic [that I don't particularly want to get into, tbh]) but I did find some. I read what I could find, and I read it open-mindedly, and overall I came away feeling like, okay, there are some valid points being made here and I can kinda see where they're coming from.

But it was a bit (a lot) like -- flat. Idk. The best comparison I can think of is that it’s like if a literature class read, I don't know, The Yellow Wallpaper for an assignment, and some of the students came away from it feeling like it was a creepy story about a woman slowly driving herself insane, and the other students came away from it incensed at the oppression and infantilization of women in the late 19th century -

- and neither side is wrong, but the former is a very surface-level reading and the latter isn't (bc it stems from looking at why she drives herself insane, why she was prescribed 'rest' in the first place, the context of what women could and couldn't do back then, etc; basically, a bit more work has to go into it). 

[Note: I am not disparaging the quality of The Yellow Wallpaper. At all. It’s just the first relatively well-known story that popped into my head.]

In this sense, I can see the argument for Loki's redemption arc, but I don't think it's a very good argument. Not invalid, but not great.

I mean, for example, I think the most consistent argument I found variations of re: Loki's redemption is that Ragnarok shows Loki finally taking responsibility for his bad behaviour and misdeeds. This includes recognizing that his actions were fueled from a place of self-hatred and a desire to self-destruct in addition to bringing destruction on others. That he probably feels awkward and regretful of these things and doesn't know how to act around Thor, but he figures it out by the end, and decides that returning to Asgard is the best way to show that he's ready to make amends. His act of bringing the Statesman to Asgard is an apology. He allies himself with Thor and ends up in a better place, both narratively (united with Thor once again) and mentally (having taken responsibility and made amends for his past).

And setting aside that he had already made amends by sacrificing his life in TDW (and also setting aside that the argument is made that Loki redeems himself in IW by sacrificing himself to Thanos but if that's the case, wouldn't that imply that he hadn't achieved redemption in Ragnarok or else there would be no need to achieve it again in IW? Or, if you think he did achieve redemption in Ragnarok, then what the fuck did he give his life in IW for? What was his motivation there, and why did the narrative not make it clearer? I digress.) 

- setting aside those two factors, I think this is a very fair argument. Loki is fueled by self-hatred, and he does want to self-destruct, and he does want to inflict that pain on others as well (particularly Thor). No lies detected here. 

However, I also need to know where that self-hatred and desire for destruction (toward himself and others) comes from and for that, we need to go back to Thor 1.

Thor 1. 

Loki starts Thor 1 out as "a clenched fist with hair," to borrow a quote from the Haunting of Hill House (that I tucked away in my mental box of Lovely Things bc it says so much so very simply). He's very used to bottling everything up, pushing it down; he slinks around behind the scenes, pulling the strings to this plot or that. He's "always been one for mischief," but the narrative implies that the coronation incident is the first time Loki's done anything truly terrible. And it all immediately pretty much goes to shit, so Loki spends the rest of the movie frantically juggling all these moving pieces while trying to seem as if he's got it all under control, every step of the way. That's how I view his actions. 

But I always come back to that quote where Kenneth Branaugh tells Tom, of the scene in the vault, "This is where the thin steel rod that's been holding your mind together snaps." In other words this is where Loki discovering he's Jotun is just one thing too many. He can't take it. But though the rod snaps, his descent isn't a nosedive. It's a tumble. As the story progresses, the clenched fist starts to loosen, the muscles are flexed in unfamiliar ways (that feel kinda good, after being stiff for so long), and it culminates with the hand opening completely and shaking itself out. All of that repression, that self-hatred, that rage and jealousy just explodes so that, by the time the bifrost scene happens, Loki's already hit bottom. It's not just about proving his worthiness to Odin. He wants to hurt Thor, too; he, essentially, throws a tantrum. (That's right, I said tantrum.) 

(Note: The word 'tantrum’ has negative connotations bc we normally equate it with a toddler stamping their feet and screaming in the aisle when their parent won't buy them the toy they want. But in itself, the word tantrum isn't infantalizing. It's an "emotional outburst, an uncontrolled explosion of anger and frustration" [paraphrasing from dictionary.com]. That's exactly what happens here [and why Tom called Loki's actions a massive tantrum, but people took that to mean Tom agreed it was childish whereas I doubt Tom meant it that way]).

He's been pushed past his limit, and he does bad things. He does really shitty things. He hurts Thor, he hurts his family. I'm pretty sure he knows this all along so this isn't, like, some revelation further down the line that "hey, those things I did were probably kinda bad." He got the memo already. 

Ragnarok 

Fast forward to Ragnarok, and we're introduced to a version of Loki who's had 4ish years to sit with everything that's happened. To sit with it and not do much else. The rawness of it has faded, and now it seems as though it's just become a thing, like when you move through life aware of your childhood traumas and have more or less just accepted them (and you probably share a lot of really funny depression memes on Facebook, which is kinda the equivalent of Loki's play, but that's probably just me). 

Loki has, more or less, chilled out. He seems more bored than anything else; he's been masquerading as Odin for longer than he ever planned or intended to, so he's more or less ended up hanging out, letting Asgard mind its own business, and entertaining himself with silly plays. This is the version that starts out the movie as an antagonist to Thor - a version that is, arguably, in a much different place [and is a much milder threat] than the version who originally did those Bad Things. 

And of course Thor is still mad at him, and of course they're going to butt heads, because that's what they do (and Thor's grievances are genuine, I’ll add, bc it's not really his fault he assumed Loki faked his death, nor can he be blamed for being pissed about Odin).

One argument framed this version of Loki as being a person who is facing the awkwardness of coming out of a dark place, which is fair. If we're going to frame his actions in Thor 1 as a tantrum, then Ragnarok would be the part where the toddler has been taken home, possibly has had some lunch and a juice box, and is now watching cartoons. They're over the tantrum, and would probably feel pretty silly about it if they weren't, yknow, toddlers. They probably can't remember why they even wanted that toy so badly. If they're a little older and self-aware, they might even be embarrassed for having melted down.

Like the word tantrum, this feeling isn't a thing limited to toddlers. I know I've had a few epic meltdowns as a grown ass adult, and I know I always feel deeply embarrassed afterwards - like, want to crawl into a hole and die. I've said things I can't take back. Adolescents and teenagers throw tantrums, mentally ill people throw tantrums, adults throw tantrums (I mean, my god, look at all the videos of Karens having screaming meltdowns - screaming! - over having to wear masks in order to shop at stores). Humans throw tantrums. And usually, after the feelings have been let out and the tantrum has passed, humans feel pretty regretful and awkward and embarrassed about whatever they did and said in the midst of their meltdown. 

I get all of that and agree it's valid and that Loki probably feels it. By the time Ragnarok happens, Loki's had some time to reflect and think hmm, yeah, probably could've handled that one a lot better. The argument further goes that in order to navigate this awkward period, Loki must come to terms with what he's done, acknowledge that some things can't be unsaid or undone, and begin to make amends. Supposedly, some people feel that Loki becomes a better person because he does "own" everything he did wrong and, even though he feels like a jackass (paraphrasing), he sets that aside to become a become a better person by choosing to help Thor and Asgard at the end. 

Thus, the overall arc goes like this. Loki, Thor's jealous little brother, 

throws a tantrum of epic proportions bc Reasons 

continues to act badly and make things even worse (Avengers) 

has to face consequences for his actions (prison sentence) 

ends up with a stretch of time in which he's free to contemplate and chill out 

feels embarrassed and awkward about how he's behaved

sees an opportunity to make up for it and decides to take it 

helps Thor, saves the day, and ends the film a better person. 

Redemption achieved.

None of this is wrong. The film supports it. It's a fair interpretation. But it leaves. out. so. much.

To circle all the way back around Loki being "a clenched fist with hair," and his actions stemming from his self-hatred, you have to ask - how did he get that way? He didn't end up with all this self-hatred on accident. Generally, one isn't born despising themselves, it's a learned behavior. (I realize chemical imbalances are a thing, obviously, as I have Mental Shit myself, but for argument's sake I'm assuming that's not the case with Loki [at this point in time]). 

Where did Loki learn it? From his family, from his surroundings, from his culture. We see examples of these microaggressions in the first, like, twenty minutes of the movie - a guard openly laughs at Loki's magic after Thor makes a joke about it (the tone of the conversation implies that Thor "jokes" like this often) and though Loki does the snake thing, the guard faces no real consequences. Thor doesn't acknowledge that anything went amiss. Not much later, on their way to Jotunheim, Loki's barely gotten two words out to Heimdall before Thor cuts him off, steps in front of him, and takes charge. Loki doesn't look annoyed at this; he looks resigned. 

Then, for absolutely no reason at all, Volstagg decides to make a jab at Loki ("silver tongue turned to lead?") just because he can. The ease with which he makes this comment and the way that no one else blinks an eye at it implies that this isn't out of the norm. And Loki doesn't react, not really. In the deleted version, he delivers a particularly nasty comeback but he delivers it under his breath, without intending Volstagg to hear it. In the final version, he simply says nothing, though his expression can be read as hurt or stung. Either way, the audience sees an example of Loki being walked all over by Thor and his friends and bottling up his reactions instead of standing up for himself. 

Microaggressions matter. They are mentally and emotionally damaging. They hurt. The implication that this is not unusual treatment for Loki means that Loki's probably gone through this for most of his life. It's like the equivalent of being, I don't know, twenty two and you're the friend who has to walk behind the others when the sidewalk isn't wide enough, and it's been that way since the first day of kindergarten. At this point, you're used to it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when the jabs come seemingly out of nowhere, for no reason other than to make you feel bad.

(I personally identify a lot with this bc I experienced passive bullying in social settings for years. I was the 'doesn't fit on the sidewalk' friend; I hung around with people who'd pretend to be my friend and would be more or less nice to my face, but would laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back for whatever reasons. And often there'd be the random jabs at me, things that would come out of nowhere to smack me in the face, followed by the fake laugh and “just kidding!" so that I couldn't even get upset without being made to feel like I was overreacting and couldn't take a joke. I'd deal with this socially, particularly in middle school when girls are their most vicious, and then I'd go home and, because I was the only girl with a lot of brothers and because boys are mean and because I am who I am, the dynamic was that my brothers would just endlessly roast me to my face and sometimes it was a "just kidding!" thing, where I was the only one not laughing. But that’s beside the point; my point is that microaggressions, passive bullying, and consistent invalidation are harmful and that shit stays with you into adulthood.) 

So, yes, Loki needs to be held responsible for his misdeeds, and it's valid to say that he recognizes those misdeeds and wants to make amends. I have never disagreed with that. But the problem with this interpretation is that it lets every single other character who contributed to Loki's self-hatred and mental breakdown (let's just call a spade a spade here, that's what it was; he was broken psychologically) get off scot-free.

First of all,

Odin is not held accountable for instilling in the princes a mentality of Asgard first, everyone is beneath us but Jotuns are benath us the most, they are literal monsters. He is not held accountable for pitting his sons against one another (even if it was unintentional, he still did it) with "you were both born to be kings but only one of you can rule" being the general tone of their upbringing. He's not held accountable for his favoritism toward Thor.

Frigga is not held accountable for deferring to Odin both in supporting the above things and in keeping the truth of Loki's origins a secret while doing nothing to discourage the "monsters" narrative. 

Thor is not held accountable for his own tendency of taking Loki for granted (he assumes Loki will come to Jotunheim, he oversteps Loki constantly, “know your place,” etc.. He grants his implicit permission for Loki to be treated as the sidewalk friend in their “group,” a group which is loyal to and takes their cues from Thor as Thor continues to do nothing in his brother's defense).

[Note: Wanting Thor to be held accountable for things he's done wrong isn't vilifying him. Acknowledging that Thor benefited from Odin's favoritism and his own place as Crown Prince doesn't negate Thor also being raised in an abusive environment. I don't think anyone's saying that or, if they have, it's not something I agree with.]

Furthermore, 

Odin is not held accountable for his cruelty in disowning Loki (”your birthright was to die” is never going to be forgotten, speaking of people saying things that can't be unsaid or taken back) and in sentencing Loki to a severe prison sentence (life! only bc Frigga wouldn't let him execute Loki) for crimes that are no worse than what Odin himself has committed (around which the entire plot of Ragnarok revolves! Colonialism (and subjugation) is wrong is, like, a major theme [that people rush to praise, even] here). 

Thor is also never held accountable for not trying harder to understand what made Loki snap (fair enough, he didn't have a ton of time after returning from Earth, but certainly he had lots of time to sit around reflecting while Loki was being tortured by Thanos for a year). He knows Loki is "not himself" and "beyond reason" and accepts it at face value; he questions it once and then lets it go. He's fine with assuming Loki's just lost his mind, and isn't that a shame. (I realize I'm simplifying Thor's emotions but my point is that Thor could've tried harder to figure out that Loki was being influenced and/or not acting completely autonomously.) 

Thor is also never held accountable for - if not facing consequences for his own slaughter of Jotuns - then at least addressing why Loki can't kill an entire race even though Thor tried to do that, like, two days ago. (Granted, it’s difficult to understand how Thor got from Point A ("let's finish them together, Father!") to Point B (this is wrong!), but that failing belongs to Thor 1 (which is not, by the way, a perfect movie).

The interpretation that Loki is fully redeemed because he took responsibility for his actions, returned to Asgard, and allied himself with Thor to save their people is all well and good - but, why is Loki the only one here who has to take responsibility for their actions? 

What about all the loose threads in his story? 

For example, how did he get from: 

Point A (believing himself a literal monster, having a complete mental breakdown, getting tortured and further traumatized after that, etc) 

to 

Point B (Hey, yknow what would be fun? I'm going to write and direct a play about how I heroically died to save Thor and Jane, and I'll go ahead and have Odin say he accepts me and has always loved me. I'm going to do these things because Odin never said this in real life and instead of acknowledging my sacrifice, Thor left my body in the dirt, so someone has to validate what I've done right and that someone might as well be me. And hey, while I'm at it, I'm going to control the narrative on revealing myself as Jotun to Asgard, instead of living in fear of it being found out, and I'm going to do it in a way that they have to sympathize with me and revere me in death, bc they never bothered to do so when I was alive. And Matt Damon should play me, also.) 

to 

Point C (Yeah, I guess I feel kinda awkward about that whole tantrum thing, also I should help Thor and support him being king.)

? 

The answers to these questions are handwaved and the audience takes that to mean they don't matter. Furthermore, framing Loki's redemption around an act of service (more or less) to Thor makes Loki's redemption about Thor. Does Loki make this decision for the sake of Thor and of Asgard, or does he make it for himself? It's not super clear to me, and I think arguments can be made for both. Which, again, is fine, but - whatever.

If we're going to collectively agree, as a fandom, that Loki is complex, that he's morally gray, that he's worthy of redemption and therefore arguably a good person who's done bad things, then why is it asking too much to have it acknowledged that Thor (also a good person who's done bad things) played a part in Loki's downfall and has shit to apologize for, too? Bc one can only assume the reason is that you're taking a very gray concept and making it black and white by saying Loki has to apologize and make amends because he is the villain, and Thor doesn't because he is the hero (and it's his movie). And it's lazy.

This is where the crux of the issue lands. There's more than one valid interpretation, yes. And no two people (or groups of people, or whatever) are going to consume and therefore interpret or analyze the source material in the same way. I think I saw a post recently about how studies have been done on this, in fact. But, there is a lot going on under the surface that tends to get overlooked when exploring Loki's redemption arc in Ragnarok, as far as I can see, and that’s why I don’t consider it satisfactory. 

[I did read similar arguments regarding other issues that are often debated ('debated'), like Loki's magic and/or being underpowered, whether or not Loki's betrayal of Thor was the natural outcome of the situation on Sakaar or not, whether Thor actually gets closure with Odin [if he does, how does he reconcile the father he's idolized with the imperialistic conqueror he's discovered? Why doesn't he hold Odin responsible for covering up Hela's existence and the threat of her return, especially as he knew he was nearing the end of his life? Is Thor's "I'm not as strong as you" meant to imply that he acknowledges those shortcomings of Odin's and that he's okay with them, or that he's just overlooking them, or is he not okay with them but didn't have the chance to get into it bc he was in the middle of battle? T'Challa confronted his father on his wrongdoings in Black Panther; could Thor not have had at least one line that was confrontational enough to establish where he stands as opposed to this gray middle? Can someone explain to me how any of this equates to Thor gaining closure? Please?) but obviously I'm not going to go into all of them (well, I tried not to), bc this mammoth post has gone on long enough (I may not even post this tbh)]

- but my overall point to this entire thing is that when I say I'm critical of Ragnarok bc it's flawed, that Loki's arc was neither complete nor satisfactory, that many things went unaddressed and, due to all of these things, I do not think Ragnarok is a very good movie nor a very cohesive movie, this is where I'm coming from. I have not seen anything to change my mind to the contrary. 

But I am not saying that anyone satisfied with it is wrong, or shouldn't have the interpretation that they do. I'm not vilifying Thor in order to lift Loki up, just acknowledging that Thor is arguably just as flawed as Loki without the stigma of being Designated Villain. I think a lot of these arguments get overlooked or dismissed, and that's fine, but it doesn't make the people who do engage with them hateful, or bitter, or trying to excuse Loki's crimes, or feeling like redemption means that Loki's crimes should be erased rather than reconciled. 

And sure, yes, perhaps we are expecting too much and exploring all of these themes (or wanting them explored) means that somehow we think it should be Loki's movie (we don't). Loki is a supporting character, but he's still a character. And the movie itself doesn't have to delve into all these things - no one's saying that. (At least, I'm not.) We just want acknowledgement, from the narrative, that this stuff was an Issue. 

This could have been accomplished with - 

Some dialogue closer to the novelization (and original script), like Thor and Loki both acknowledging the harm they've done one another and their kingdom due to their Feels.

 A single line of Thor confronting Odin, or even asking "Why?" 

A narrative acknowledgement that Odin did both Thor and Loki dirty (”I love you, my sons” isn't an apology, because it doesn't acknowledge either that there's been wrong-doing or express regret for having done the wrong in the first place). 

A little bit more nuance in the way Loki treats his own past (ie, instead of flippantly telling the story of his suicide attempt, maybe - if it must be flippant - talk about getting blasted in the face with Hawkeye's arrow or sailing through to Svartalfheim [And in that moment, I sang ta-daaaa!]) or whatever. 

I recognize that wanting full, in-depth exploration on all of these issues regarding a supporting character is probably too much to ask or expect - but, I also feel like, if you're going to be professionally writing a narrative (or rewriting/improvising, as it were), it's not too much to ask that a little more care be taken in regards to all of the layers that have contributed to said supporting character's downfall and subsequent redemption arc. I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to want. 

And maybe if there had been more nuance and continuity in how these things were portrayed on screen (ie, if TW had actually done as good a job as his stans think he did), the fandom wouldn't have divided and conquered itself over which "version" of the same character is more valid and whether or not the film did its best to close out a trilogy (not start a new one), to the point where everyone in this fandom space makes navigating it feel like walking through a minefield. 

But, I mean 

(Again, please don’t reblog if possible.) 

Edit: Okay to reblog. <3 

[ivanabaqero]

Since I just returned from rehab, here is my.. idk, emotional journey on my chronic illness + mental health or wtf ever u wanna call this. This is the most personal thing I have ever posted but I need to get it out. 

Before you read, I guess I gotta tw this for suicidal thoughts and descriptions of my symptoms.

I don’t even know where to start. It feels like all of this happened in one week and at the same in a span of several years. But no idea, time just kept passing and more shit happened. 

Last summer was pretty cool. I worked hard and made a fuckton of money - not really considering the consequences of the fact that I overstepped the boundaries of my body every single day. Either way, I regret nothing it was pretty cool and another experience I am glad I could make. Well, but when I came back home, I started to notice a few things. Among some weird shit nobody wants to know about, I noticed a change of my eyesight. There was a cloud right on the vision on my left eye and it got blurry. At first, it started with minutes and then it passed. But I knew my body responded to exhaustion in an odd way so I let it slide. As doctors have instructed me, only when it lasts over 24 hours it’s an actual episode/flare and I should go to the ER -- to elaborate this further, I have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2015 and have not had any bigger flares since, only the regular symptoms like fatigue, etc.

 I got treated with the regular medication; cortisone. This shit gave me some energy boost for a few days and then, things went back to somewhat normal. The blurry thing in my eye has changed into a weird ass thing called nystagmus. Basically, my eyeball was twitching. It was better than the blurry sight and my doctors told me that physical therapy was the only thing to help me with that, and up until some weeks ago this didn’t stop, at the moment it’s gotten way better though - a relief because that caused me mad headache and made reading really difficult.

Anyway, that was the smaller problem. A few months later, in December around Christmas, I have gotten really weak and have been constantly dizzy. As usual, I let it slide for some days. Up until that point when I couldn’t move from the bed or look at anything else but right up at the ceiling or I would get fucking dizzy. Back to the ER again, the same procedure began. Cortisone  resulted in a massive push of energy that lasted for some days, but after that, all the symptoms slowly returned. Not only that, but it started to get worse. I have been dragging and limping with my left foot since months but I still managed somehow to walk and get around. In January I had a major panic attack when I noticed that I couldn’t walk on my own to my doctors, which is merely an 8 minute walk away. I had to call my mom to bring me back home because I couldn’t go any step more. My doctor sent me to the ER but the next day, I decided that I was fine and being over dramatic and everything was perfectly fine. The whole thing kept getting worse, I could not walk anymore, I kept feeling dizzy all the time unless I was staring at only one spot: my laptop or phone. So that was what I did, ignore my symptoms. Adding to my chronic fatigue, dizziness, inability to walk and my eye problem, a sensitivity problem spread all over my body from the chest downwards. My hands hurt and my fingers cramped up and got stiff, I lost all feeling in my feet. I had an appointment at the neurologist thank god, or else, I would have let it gotten worse and kept telling myself that I am being over dramatic and nothing is actually wrong. Delusional? Maybe. I don’t understand myself there either.

The neurologist decided to keep me in hospital for a whole ass week, getting cortisone every day. I got in there with the ambulance in a wheelchair and left out of there walking again. Not perfectly, but I thought things were looking up. Of course, once the high dose of steroids begins to wear off and you slowly come down from it, you first catch sleep. Steroids this time have been given to me five days in high dose instead of three and in addition, I had to take pills that I had to reduce slowly over another two weeks. I did not sleep in those three weeks more than 3-4 hours per night and then I finally could. To make this more understandable; my brain was tired but my body was buzzing. I also had a tremor that has still not entirely left me as a wonderful side effect from the medication. 

That time stationary they finally put me back in a MRT and found 2 bigger new lesions. One of them in my cerebellum and the other in my spinal cord. Each of them causing me all those massive problems. Back at home I had physical therapy every day, but despite all of it, I had to rely on a wheelchair. I got my wheelchair in march and named him Otto because he is the best man ever. Next time in hospital, I was mentally and physically just fucking done and tried to just ignore how much my mental health was going downhill along with my body, the neurologist offered me stationary rehab at a very well known center where they treat several physical as well as mental illnesses. I said yes, and luckily got a place in July.

The initial plan was to stay there for four weeks, but the doctors suggested to extend to six. I did. And good that I did. I made slow progress. Very slow. To imagine, in twenty minutes at the first day I could barely walk 130m with four  breaks in between, with walking aid and what not - and my last day I made 640m in the same time with no breaks. I know this doesn’t sound like a lot but fuck -- I made it out of a fucking wheelchair. I am walking again. Not perfectly or any good, but my legs are used for their purpose again; to get me through this world. For someone who loves hiking and going for little walks alone, this was such a big deal to just not be able to anymore. 

The day I had the panic attack was the day I realized that in 2015 I made a promise to myself that if I ever have to rely on other people, I would end it. But I felt selfish for not wanting to end it. I felt selfish  for wanting to live and being a burden to people. I know, none of this is my fault and I am the first to give good advice, but am I good at handling my own shit? Absolutely not. 

With all the physical therapy I did for six weeks every day, I also had a psychologist that helped me understand myself better and deal with the trauma this experience brought me. I have to find another psychologist at home as well, because I didn’t feel the one I have helped me at all. I had to make a lot of promises to myself, such as accepting and asking for help and that it’s no shame in doing so. I feared losing my independence and I still do. But fuck, this experience was an eye opener in so many ways. I made new friends in rehab as well, which was one of the coolest things. And I got hit on by two attractive men - can you believe? I was in a wheelchair, dressed like absolute shit and not making any kind of deal of how I look! But yeah, my interest wasn’t really there to get involved in anything. I’ve got a lot of love to give but I need to give it to myself rather than pour it out on someone else.

I learned so many lessons, about my body and about my mind. My brain is an idiot and I have so many fears I was never even able to see until now. I thought optimism could beat everything and well... while it helps me a lot to get through every day life, every now and then I just need a slap in the face to look at things in another light. Not everything is fine if you tell yourself it is, no, you are not over reacting and you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself when life is dealing you a bad card. It doesn’t matter that other people have it worse -- it doesn’t mean your own shit is any less valid. And with that, I am going to wash my face and stop crying. I am still in a shock of reality state because I am  back at home now and everything is different. And I got to admit, I feel a little lonely. But I don’t want to reach out to my old friends at the moment with whom I felt like the “sick friend”. I want more friends in similar positions as me so I don’t have to feel bad for... well, feeling bad, and I don’t want to hear any more optimism monologues from healthy people who have absolutely no idea what it is like to have chronic pain, fatigue and overall; an illness. Whether it be mental or physical.

If you really read all of this, thank you. There was no need to, but I appreciate it. I honestly just needed to let it out. Because I haven’t done so properly since all of that started. 

[yandere-wishes]

Yandere Charcter Encyclopedia

A list of some requested charcters and the types of yandere’s they would be. I might open requests for a part two later idk yet. 

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Twisted Wonderland

Vil Schoenheit is  controlling and possessive.

You need to be the BEST!

It's more so this lovesick notion that Vil seems to be "in love with" rather than you as a person. No one knows exactly why Vil chose you as his dearly significant other and Vil has never given any inkling as to why he favors you above everybody else. It's a paradox, an unsolvable mystery. But the truth is Vil fell in love with you, not for your looks, nor your personality, heck you didn't even really do some outstanding gesture that pulled at his heartstrings, no, instead you did nothing. Confusing, I know but let me explain, you were a nobody. No breathtaking looks, no fantastic personality, no influential family. There was NOTHING special about you! This means you had the potential to be something special, something extraordinary and the only person in the universe who could raise you to such levels was nonother than the head of Pomfiore, Vil Schoenheit!

Every day he spends hours making sure you look perfect, a face painted in just the right ways to make others believe you had the features of an angel sent from above. Posture so straight, shoulders pulled back to make others think you were the long lost heiress to some fallen family. Never once did you speak out of place or with a tone harboring too many emotions, every word that left your mouth was so well thought out and prepared that others could only suspect you were some sort of genius.

You were nothing, that's what made Vil notice you in the first place, that's what made him mold you into the perfect someone. Whatever you are now is only thanks to your darling, caring lover...never forget that. 

Rook Hunt is delusional.

Rook's brain is an incredibly messed up place and it only gets worst the longer he's around you. You are a little rabbit, nimble and sweet and he is the hunter that wants to stick a bow right through your beating heart, a lovely pair you two make, wouldn't you agree? But the more he stalks you, following you around like a second shadow. The more he realizes that he doesn't want you simply for the thrill of a small chase...oh no, he wants to keep you. Put you in a golden cage and throw away the key. You're not some rare catch like le roi des lions or a breathtaking sight like le roi des poisons. No instead you're simple, you aren't a game of nither wit nor strength, you are simply a game of love. Because you love him already don't you? You know he's been following you and doesn't do anything about it because you want him to catch you, right? You want the greatest hunter to hit you with his cupid's arrow so you can fall into his awaiting arms, right where you belong!

Azul is manipulative (were you guys seriously expecting something else?) 

Azul is all calculations and deals, all wit and talk. He's got guts to go up against just about anyone he meets and he’s smart enough to turn them into a fish out of water. So maybe it was his confidence that let’s you slip away with lax deals, bending the rules for a helpless little angelfish such as yourself. He doesn't notice that he has feelings for you, not until you stroll into the VIP room of the Mostro Lounge looking for your "dearest friend Azul", all to simply ask him for a contract to make the lousy excuse of an Ignyhide dorm leader fall in love with you. It's then and there that Azul decides it's time to toughen up the rules, tighten the noose around your pretty little neck. You don't even notice until you're rejected by Idia and some strang red string is dragging you into Azul's waiting embrace. 

Kalim is delusional and obsessive.

To Kalim, this is just another heart-filled game. You belong to him and he belongs to you, it's simple! The two of you are so in love...it's just you're a little shy when it comes to admitting it! That's okay, Kalim knows a few drinks from the land of hot sands that will loosen your tongue and if that fails there's always Jamil's hypnosis magic that can make you confess! Look, no matter how you go about it, Kalim is just all so convinced that you love him that it doesn't matter what you really think!

Ruggie is manipulative (Lord have mercy on you people the day I finally muster up the courage to write Savancalw yandere  headcanons)

Oh sure, male hyenas are passive when it comes to females everyone knows that! But whilst Ruggie does follow -albeit loosely- the reserved yet desperate routines of hyena courtship, he leans more towards suffocating his chosen mate with his presence rather than showing a desperate side of himself. He's always circling his chosen darling, stalking them down the halls, trailing after them all over campus, he never leaves them alone. Any confrontations from his darling will lead to an immediate sob story. Something about how he could smell food in your bag and didn't have any money to buy his own meal or maybe about how he never met a girl as cute as you in slums so he had no idea how to approach you properly. Of course, this is all a hoax, he just needs you to drop your guard, to look him in the eyes with your sad, heart-throbbing orbs, then it's game over, you're all his. "Hey, what's with the dull face? come on, laugh with me skskksks~".

Jack is a protective.

It's only natural really, wolves are overprotective when it comes to their pack members and sure maybe you aren't really a part of his pack per se. But that doesn't mean he's just going to leave you to fend for yourself. You're all so small and frail, you could never hold your own against anyone! Let alone all the mages in NRC. But Jack can, he can protect you and defend himself, it's not a problem. He's very likely torn on whether or not to actually kidnap his darling. On one hand, he doesn't want you to hate him for stealing you away from your friends, he wouldn't want to play the role of the big bad wolf in your story. But on the other hand, poor Jack just isn't lucid enough to fully understand that whisking you away is wrong. In the end, you probably just wind up in his room locked away, or better yet, protected from all the horrors of the outside world.

Deuce is an obsessive 

He just wants to be around you all the time. It's mostly some deep routed paranoia that at any fleeting moment you'll somehow abandon him finding refuge with either Cater or Ace. Maybe you find their lazy stupid mannerisms amusing, is that it? If you want lazy, he can be lazy too! Or maybe you want to be with Riddle? Do you like guys who are mean spirited and quick to anger? He can yell! He can yell so much better than Riddle can! Deuce will do anything, anything at all to get you to stay with him. Even if some of his tactics are a little more painful and involve some broken bones. 

Hypnosis Mic

Jakurai  is possessive and protective 

He's overbearing to put it simply, constantly hovering around you, ghosting his fingers over your flesh, or leaving lingering kisses on any patch of exposed skin. First and foremost Jakurai is a doctor, so it's his nature to be nurturing, sure you can accept that much. But what he does to you isn't nurturing in any way shape or form! Juakurai isn't above using sedatives and other forms of medications to keep you compliant, that's not what a good doctor should do, you're both lucid enough to know that. But to Ill-Doc you leave him no other choice, you're constantly disobeying him, trying to find some underhanded way to leave him. So what else can the poor man do! He needs to keep his only escape from the tedious loneliness he's been cursed with, safe!

kamigami no asobi

Balder is possessive and obsessive

He can't help it, there's just something so radiant and sparkling inside of you, something that he can't let get tainted by the darkness that rests within others. You're always walking on thin ice around him, chewing every single word before conversing, calculating every single step before daring to make the slightest move. One wrong look or miscalculated word could get him to spiral into a fit madness, and this time there won't be anyone to save you. But that's only if you do the wrong thing! Just keep playing the role of the loving, adoring girlfriend and there won't be any further...complications. If you simply show him how much you love him, Balder can become all so sickly sweet. A perfect doting boyfriend, constantly sharing his precious meat with you and dressing you up in prettiest lavish gowns from Asgard. 

Obey me

Asmodeus is sneaky 

The avatar of lust is used to swift meaningless relationships, too caught up in the passion and pleasure to really care about the other person. But with his darling things are different. Oh sure, the lust and sexual tension is still there, always hovering around the air like a thick unbreakable fog. Accept this time there's something else, a sort of jealous aroma blowing through the dense mist. It's intoxicating, making Asmoudaus crave only his little darling, he only wants to look at them, touch them, kiss only them! It's almost like he's addicted to every itty bitty detail about his newfound lover. Will Asmodeus get bored of the relationship over time? Absolutely! But will he ever actually leave his darling to their own devices? Hell no! Asmodeus may have the right to cheat on his darling but they can NEVER so much as think about another man other than him! HE.OWNS.THEM! Their body, mind, soul, it all belongs to him!

Black Butler

Snake is Jealous  (I haven't written for black butler since, like, sixth grade) 

Snake does love you, this is an evident fact, he never once leaves your side. It's suffocating sure, but it's only because the scaled boy is so paranoid that you might run away with someone else, someone normal. His snakes (mostly Emily) are always chaining the two of you together, constantly curling around your skin so you won't get any ideas to escape. Lord forbid you so much as look at another man, that'll make the white-haired snake charmer go into a fit of pure utter rage. normally Snake won't punish you, but when his jealousy gets too much to keep inside he'll let it out by screaming at you. Asking you if you find him repulsive if you wish to leave him for someone who looks normal. This will than lead to him crushing you in his arms, begging you not to leave him! Overall Snake is one of the tamer yandere of the  Phantomhive residence, a real blessing in disguise. 

mystic messenger

Saeyoung is obsessive 

It's really all just a small accident, this was never really meant to happen, he wasn't meant to fall in love with you. Saeyoung probably just came across your profile whilst on the web, scrolling through some database or another. like I said, IT.WAS.AN.ACCIDENT...and yet all so many times accidents can lead to something...more. Saeyoung doesn't know what particular thing it was about you that caught his attention, maybe it was your cute face or some little odd, out of place detail in your bio. Either way, it has the red-haired hacker surfing through every site just to learn more about you. Picking the internet apart just to find out some small fragments of your personal life. It's become a sort of hobby -addiction-  of his, stalking your every move through trackers and reverse cameras. One day he might even gather the courage to speak to you in person, but for now, he's content watching your pretty face from behind a screen. 

Code Realize

Impey is Obessasive and clingy

It's your smile, right from the get-go, Impey was enthralled by your cheerful smile. It makes his heart skip a beat, his palms grow sweaty, and his breath hitches in his throat. He just adores that pearly white grin. He's constantly pestering you, poking your cheek, and asking you to smile for him just once more. "Just a small smile, please~". His clinginess is mostly due to the fear of losing you or more so having you stolen from him. That's why he never let's go of your hand and is constantly locking you in his room. "I'm the only one that deserves to see that smile" it's such a childish phrase, primarily when it's accompanied by his renowned pout. Of course, things start to go downhill when you outright refuse to smile. Choosing instead to cry and scream, begging someone to save you from this mad man. Impey is borderline delusional if he thinks you'll ever smile for him again, after the stunt he's pulled.

[yumgrapejuice]

Okay so I did a whole analysis on Ranboo’s lore music so now it’s time to use that for an actual analysis/interpretation!

There are a few themes in the playlist and I’ll go over the ones that I found one by one. I’ll also mention the songs that correspond to each theme.

(quick disclaimer,,, I’m honestly just having fun here theorizing about whatever lol, I’m hyperfocusing aight, nothing what I talk about can turn out to be valid and I’d just go !!!! new theory time !:D, so it’s just that lmao)

/dsmp /rp

1. Blurring lines between dreams/nightmares and reality. The songs are “Introduction to the Snow”, “Dream Sweet in Sea Major”, “The Mind Electric”, “Stranded Lullaby”. I think this theme is the most straightforward and easy to interpret. c!Ranboo has been dealing with feelings of derealization for a long while and these songs allude to that. I don’t think I need to really get into this one that much given how obvious it is lol. Ranboo at times is having issues telling what’s real and what’s not. The fight with his mind is especially highlighted by the song “The Mind Electric” where he is, quite literally, losing hold on sanity. His “ill” mind is causing him to commit things he wouldn’t want to.

2. The need to belong, be liked, have someone close. The songs are “Ruler of Everything”, “The Bidding”, “Hidden In The Sand”. The theme of isolation also fits here, highlighted by Miracle Musical’s tracks. Ranboo is one of the only characters on the servers that is mostly generally liked. He hasn’t yet got many any enemies or anything of the like, really. It’s often joked that Ranboo has no spine, and that’s a big reason why he hasn’t yet gotten in someone’s bad books. It’s very easy to get him to do whatever you want, pull him to a side. If he protests, it’s only vocal and meek, and soon enough, he gives in. He doesn’t want anyone to dislike him and that can also play into why he has such a hard time to say “no” to anyone. 

But it’s all... very surface level. People don’t mind Ranboo, they might enjoy his company, but that’s about it. It’s unfulfilling, it can’t be satisfying. Based on his speeches about people, not sides, we can assume he does value connections a lot. However, instead of trying to form more strong bonds, Ranboo had started isolating himself, choosing to stay away (perhaps in fear of being pulled into a side). His own anxieties is what’s keeping him like this. The longing is still there, though. Now the situation is better with Tubbo, but that brings its own peculiarities. Ranboo’s ready to join a side, the Syndicate, to protect Tubbo, the one he’s most attached to, going against his morals. Sometimes, it’s impossible to choose people without choosing a side.

3. The divide between good and bad, a mindset of black and white. The songs for this would be “Turn the Lights Off”, “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked”, “&”. As we saw from one of Ranboo’s latest streams (the one where he found out Tommy’s alive) and his other ones, Ranboo has a very black and white mindset. He has incredibly strong morals but they are also very skewed. I talked more about that in this post but in short, in Ranboo’s pov, there are the bad guys and then there is the rest. Ranboo seems... almost incapable of looking from a perspective that’s not his own or isn’t closely linked. He’s right in his own mind and that’s all that matters. The idea is that everyone has their own reasons for their actions and, if you looked closer, you could begin to understand them, but Ranboo is looking only through his own lens, is paranoid about making mistakes, and thus can get very harsh sometimes. Since the world isn’t black and white, though, and it’s never just their side or our, he often contradicts himself and goes against his morals.

4. A twisted sense of ego-centrism. My favorite and the one that’s most up to interpretation, I’d say. The songs would be “Killer Queen”, “I Can’t Decide”, “A Mask of My Own Face”, “I’m Gonna Win”. I’d say this one is least related to c!Ranboo as we see on stream, which leaves us with something else... That’s right, enderwalk Ranboo :D! I’d like to preface again that this is purely my own interpretation!! I like to do those a lot lol. But anyway—

A certain idea unites these songs, and it’s the idea of doing whatever you want for your own pleasure. Having no breaks. What’s most entertaining today? Oh, let me indulge in that. They’re also all about things that are actively malicious/frowned upon. Whatever you want to do without any regards to morals. And that got me thinking.

Let me talk about the idea of id, ego and superego. For those unfamiliar with these concepts, id refers to a person’s most primal instincts, their aggressive urges and hidden memories, superego is one’s moral conscience, and ego is the reality, the mediator between id’s desires and superego. The idea is that id operates on pleasures and the need to satisfy them immediately. It’s illogical, irrational, unconscious. Superego is the opposite, sort of—it’s a person’s moral system that dictates what is wrong and what is right, how one should behave. Ego controls both. So, I got thinking, maybe e!Ranboo is just... c!Ranboo’s literal manifestation of his id?

It’d make sense, I think! It’s still Ranboo, just “wild”, as he himself said. Uncontrolled. He has no regards for his image and indulges in his whims. Maybe it’s also part self-preservation. c!Ranboo is divided, he has barely any control of his life, people can make him do whatever they want whenever. And that must be frustrating. Maybe not consciously, but definitely subconsciously. That sort of frustrating of not being able to do what you want and always needing to listen to others could very well manifest as something like a whole different state where he does what he wants, maybe even purely for the hell of it. And to compensate for his id going out of control, he—his ego—might favor his superego, the morality part, more to compensate. That could make him harsher, too. More categorical. Causing a further divide.

And that’s about it for now, I guess. Yeah, this playlist really did... make me think lol.

(yes i am once again creating another theory for why e!ranboo could act the way that he does that doesn’t include manipulation idk sue me, i’ll die on this hill)