#idk how many tags fill up the see more this is probably enough

[jayjamjary]

... tumblr. How do we feel about tf2 ch7 comic?

[minzis]

My Achilles Heel

Art Credits: angelsandskullz

ꨄ︎༻Simon Riley One-Shot༺ꨄ︎

✦❘༻Summary: After another mission of ignoring protocol and barely making it out of alive Simon is far from angry.

✦❘༻Tags: sfw, hurt/comfort, 1.7k words.

✦❘༻Author’s Note: For one sorry this took so long I’ve been a bit busy lately and I was orginally working on a different Ghost fic but I wasn’t liking it wether that will be posted idk but if it does you’ll see it. For those who like listening to music I listened to ‘Poison Tree’ by Grouper while writing it :3

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The expected slam of the door never came as he shut it behind you both. “Y/n…” he said your name in a tone he hadn’t used before, he always used your call sign or kid. He sat down in the chair at his desk. He looked more exhausted than usually. “Are you mad?” a stupid question after the stunt you pulled on the last mission.

“I’m not mad just disappointed,” something about it coming from him hurt more than anything. It felt like whiplash, air stolen from your lungs. It meant more when he said it, hurt more cause he was the one who said it. Wide scared eyes that watered as you stood stiff in front of his desk.

You weren’t going to cry, you are not going to cry. Not in-front of him. A harsh eerie silence filled the room his eyes focused on you unwavering. You always had something to say but this time you weren’t, you were silent. You sniffled softly trying to keep it quiet as possible.

But he heard it you knew he did, his eyes softened a bit when he realized you were practically already crying. He’s said many things to you and for the very first time he had made you cry.

“Can’t you just be mad?” you said in a small voice like a child crying to her father, soothing coos you never heard. It’d be easier if he was angry maybe then it wouldn’t be so hard, so hurtful. The pain in your voice seemed to surprise him, you’ve always taken his criticism with no issues.

To say you and Ghost were close would be an overstatement if he had to admit anything. He’d say you were a leech or some lost puppy that always followed him around. You’d have to pry the thoughts out his cold dead body if you wanted to truth.

“Kid almost got yourself killed, you-,” he cut himself off a deep sigh coming from him pinching at the bridge of his nose. You wanted to speak but no words seem to form a good enough excuse.

‘You were going to get hurt’

‘You needed help’

What were you wanting to say, sorry? You weren’t you’d probably do it again. You have though on more then one occasion. Reckless decisions assuming you knew better despite any consequences.

“You got lucky and you won’t get so lucky again,” he huffed out.

“I was saving you,” you trailed the whisper hardly meeting his ears. His eyes shot up to yours a look of fury in them, this time he sure as hell looked angry.

“I do not need you to save me and I sure as hell don’t need you risking your life for me,” his voice raised as he stood upright his hands slamming against the desk. The man who stood by you in every moment you were alone, the man who was there for every tear, laugh and award. The person who said you were going to be okay the first time you got injured on the field.

You never talked about your family and maybe it was easier to forget than think of them. It was only understandable that you’d look up to him like a safe heaven. Ghost doesn’t have nor ever wanted any kids, not like he believes he could be a good father. The man could hardly keep himself on two feet, he seen the signs maybe it’s why he tried to push you away in anyway he knew how.

“You’d be fucking dead if it wasn’t for me,” your defense seemed useless against his wrath as he rounded his desk stopping in-front of you. You were ready to retort but his trembling hands clung to the sides of your shoulders. It felt desperate just like the terror and adamance in his eyes.

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should,” he was yelling. He never yelled at you like that before, with purpose laced in a hurtful anger. He couldn’t understand why you would risk your life for his and you couldn’t understand why he thought his life wasn’t worth saving.

His hand fingers clung at your arms shaking at you for some realization at how stupid what you did was. “I don’t know what I would’ve done with myself if you had died back there,” he was never angry he was afraid, the few moments where he thought you were dead was the most pain and fear he had ever felt.

He was breathing but it was to much air yet too little, the few minutes felt liked pain staking hours. He didn’t want to look, he didn’t want to find your lifeless body in the rubbles. It made him want to throw up, the fact you survived and hadn’t been torn to shreds was a damn near miracle.

The team was in a frenzy trying to find you within what was left of the building. But there he was frozen in fear, a terrifying stillness he hadn’t felt since the day he lost his family. They talked and talked, loud footsteps shuffling through the place. Yet he hadn’t heard a single thing. His brain deciding not allowing him to hear was the next best thing.

All he could hear was ringing even a mask wasn’t going to hide the seeping emotions from him. He was cracking, breaking as each second past. He wondered what he had said to you last, he couldn’t recall. Was it kind words? Words that you deserved to hear?

And so he began praying, he had never asked for a single thing in his life. He never dared to but if a pray had even the smallest chance of saving you it’s what he would do. If you asked for the stars he’d give you the fucking galaxy. It’s all he wanted to hear the stupid whines he swore he hated, your complains and praise anything, just anything.

He’d say sorry, apologize for being so stupid for not letting you in. He’d say how much he needed you around what made black and white be painted in vibrant colors. If you just came back alive in once piece, he’d be there and he would stay.

Price had been the one to find you, alive and thankfully only with minor injuries. When he heard your voice it was like he could breath again, the air finally filling his lungs properly. His heart no longer beating at its confinements of child-like fear.

It was around then he realized how much he truly cared and it terrified him. He had faced many horrid things in life yet facing the possibility he could one day lose you seemed to be the hardest one. He had something to come home too. A comforting face that was happy to see him. You were waiting for him, wishing him well, wanting him to be happy.

Something that made it all worth while, something he had to lose.

He couldn’t protect you from every force in the world and he knew that but he’d be damned if he didn’t try. If he was going to care he was going to do it right, no cutting corners half assing the shit. In all honesty he didn’t fully understand what he felt he just knew he couldn’t move on if it meant doing it without you.

His love was unseemly, harsh but yours? Your love was beautiful, graceful as the sun dawning on a Sunday morning. A gentle love that picked up his inner child with laughs and smiles that told him he was going to be okay. The child in you healed his own finding the beauty in all the parts of him he thought were hideous. You were what made him want to live not just survive.

His arms wrapped around you in a tightening hug yet he had never felt more exposed. For the first time in the long time you’ve know Ghost it was like you were seeing him for the first time, you were seeing Simon. Ghost wasn’t the one hugging at you so desperately, Simon was.

You could feel the tremors as he held onto you like you’d up and disappeared. You froze for a moment unable to work through the millions of thoughts and emotions. A guilt washed over you, the feeling of his broken form cluttering yours and all you could mutter was, “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head in silence, your arms wrapped around him it was a comforting hug one that felt like home after a long trip. One that you both needed even if neither of you had a home to come too you’d find one together. His thoughts shouted at him as if your presence wasn’t something he deserved but he had no intentions of letting you go. He’d just keep you close enough to protect you.

“Does this mean I get to call you Dad now?”

“No,” he groaned seemingly annoyed but you knew he was smiling even if you couldn’t see it. You snorted a bit the happiness dying as fast as it had risen.

“You can’t leave now okay?” You spoke quietly louder than the little girl in you who still craved the absence left by a family you begged for love. Love you never had to ask him for. There was a lot you looked up to him for, “as long as you stop doing stupid shit.”

“I wouldn’t say it was that stupid.”

“It was.”

“No it wasn’t.”

“I will put you on cleaning duty.”

“Fine,” you folded your arms sighing dramatically expecting another remark but he only laughed stepping back. Your eyes softened at the sound of it. It sounded like home with a warming welcome, yeah this is home.

[jnnul]

‘i love you’ - enhypen

a/n: real ones know that this is a repost bc my post isn’t showing up in any of the tags. y’all what is that called btw

genre: fluff but also angst, ngl everyone except jay and sunoo are kinda emotionally constipated, #sorrynotsorry, idk why sunghoon’s and ni-ki’s are so angsty either don’t ask pls tw: mentions of insecurities, shitty communication skills

word count: 2.4k (they only get longer from here oops)

HEESEUNG

gif credits: @kimsunoo

“i love you.”

you would say it first, for sure

i feel like you would say it as a passing remark; like when he’s leaving your place to go back to the dorms

you kinda just say it

no real thought of planning it out or anything

just...i love you.

and heeseung’s well-loved by fans, family, and friends but romantic love? it’s rlly different to receive, even if it isn’t necessarily his first time

i feel like he would struggle with himself at first

bc he wants to say it back but he’s not rlly sure of himself

like he knows that the appropriate response is to say it back but he doesn’t want to say it back to just say it back

he wants to mean it as much as you mean it when you say it

and i feel like he’s more prone to dating someone who’s a little more lighthearted and carefree than him so i feel like if he doesn’t say it back, you wouldn’t rlly mind?

you said it bc you wanted him to know that - you didn’t say it to hear it back

like he kinda gets in his head abt it and saying it at the right time but you’re more of the type of person to do things when you feel like doing them, not when there’s a right time for them

it’s one of the many things that he loves abt you

but heeseung’s a little different. he has to process it, understand it, and truly feel it to be able to say it

when he does say it though, trust me, it’s unforgettable

he doesn’t make it a big huge deal like a candlelight dinner or anything, but it’s clear he’s got something on his mind the entire day

you ask him but he just shakes his head

and so when you’re about to hang up the ft call, he blurts it out

“i love you.”

[rest of the members under the cut!]

JAY

gif credits: @enh4s​

“i love you.”

he says it first

but even though he says it first, he probably waits until you’re about seven months into the relationship

which could be considered a long time

but jay’s love language is quality time - and i feel like he would be with someone who also has a similar love language

so even though technically you had been dating for seven months, you had only spent enough time together as a normal couple who was dating for maybe four months would

but you can feel the love, regardless

even before he says the words out loud, you can feel the love he has for you and vice versa

you feel it in the way he orders takeout to your apartment when you’re tired after school/work

or when he calls you in the middle of the night in his time bc he’s going thru withdrawal from your presence

when he says it, it’s kinda similar to heeseung - he just says it

jay would try and wait for the right moment or the right place but i feel like ultimately, he just says it when it kinda clicks in his head

like when the two of you are watching the stars together on the han river

and you’re kinda just looking at the stars with so much life in your eyes

jay swears he’s never seen a prettier picture. you’re looking at the stars and he’s looking at you

and he says it.

you would it say it back in that moment itself

just such a serene and special moment

you guys start saying it every time you see each other from then on.

“oh you’re leaving? bye - ”

“ - i love you.”

JAKE

gif credits: @karomiiz​

“i love you.”

why do i feel like jake would say it on accident on like the third date

i feel like jake is a person who is filled with love but as he grows older, he realizes how careful he has to be with who he gives it to

so when you go out to get food on the third date, jake’s rlly scared

he knows he wants to make things official (i mean come on, you’re so good together!) but also...should he?

and he says as much to you bc he doesn’t want to trap you in a relationship that isn’t real

he wants to give you everything you want - even if that means not seeing you again

but to his relief, you just laugh and shake your head, stealing one of his french fries

“jake, i’d wait forever for you.”

“...i love you.”

you’re baffled at first.

yeah, you’re a passionate person and yeah, you said that you’d wait for him until he was ready

but...what the fuck. how can you say i love you and i’m not ready to make things official in the same breath? (21st century tings)

he’s mentally berating himself as you try to come up with something to say, waiting for the inevitable, “maybe we should stop seeing each other for a little while.”

but it never comes

he knows that you’re just as crazy as he is when you lean over the table to press a sweet kiss to his cheek and offer him your cheesiest smile

“that’s all i needed to say to make you commit?”

it becomes a little bit of an inside joke from then onwards as you guys make things official and wait to actually say the words and mean them

it comes pretty quickly tho

you’re not sure if it’s bc you started the relationship saying the words but it truly feels right to say them early on in the relationship. so you do!

“i love you.”

SUNGHOON

gif credits: @hooned​

“i love you.”

you would definitely say it first and you’d have to throw sunghoon off the eiffel tower before he says it back

i feel like he’s kinda like heeseung

where he can feel the love and he can feel safe enough to say it but somehow he can’t

like the words are stuck at the tip of his tongue

sunghoon is a private person, i think

it takes a lot of trust and time for him to open up about even smaller things so getting him to talk abt why he’s so scared of romantic love takes almost a full year

like genuinely, i feel like you would have to be so strong dating him bc you say i love you to him almost every time you see him

and he just doesn’t say it back

sometimes, he just hugs you when you say it to him and other times he just smiles and nods

but i feel like being around a person who doesn’t feel cautious around love and gives it freely to others (like you) would start to melt sunghoon’s heart

bc when you say it, you can see his eyes sparkle a little brighter and that’s when you realize the issue

he doesn’t believe you.

he thinks you’re saying it out of obligation and not bc you truly mean it

so sunghoon tries to protect himself subconsciously by not saying it back at all. almost like he’s waiting for the ‘gotcha’ and he wants to be one step ahead of it this time

ngl, it can be frustrating. bc i feel like sunghoon is such a private person, sometimes it can feel like you’re the only one putting in effort for the relationship bc he’s just kinda detached?

but when you tell him that you’re not feeling cared for, you see him cry

that’s the last thing he wants you to feel like

he was so scared of getting hurt by you that he didn’t realize how much he was hurting you and that realization breaks his heart

and for the first time, he finally lets himself be fully vulnerable around you

“i love you.”

SUNOO

gif credits: @jungwoned

“i love you.”

i feel like you and sunoo are just kinda on the same wavelength on a lot of things

whether it be personality, preferences, or the way you see the world

you guys are very similar

so later on, once you guys have been dating for a while

you just kinda start saying it?

like one day, after he sleeps over in your apartment, he wakes up to you cooking breakfast

and he just slowly shuffles over and back-hugs you, making you waddle around the kitchen trying to whip up some pancakes

the two of you are sitting in peace, just happy to be in each other’s presence as you and sunoo don’t get to spend too much time together in general

you don’t really remember who says it first, even when you’re asked by other people

sometimes you say that he said it first and sometimes sunoo says that you said it first

you’re not really sure who said it first

all you know that someone said it and the other person said it back and that was that

there was no big fireworks and fanfare, like you thought there would be

it was perfect for the two of you

quiet, intimate, soft.

just everything you and sunoo were when you were with each other

you don’t say it very often bc it just feels strange to say it super often

but you say it every time you feel like it bc you know that you mean it when you say it

so when sunoo is packing his bags, saying something abt how long he’s going away on tour, you just want to make sure that he knows how much you care for him

“i love you.”

JUNGWON

gif credits: @hoonclub​ (oh he’s so bf)

“i love you.”

i feel like you would have to say it first with jungwon too

he’s a very careful person and i feel like he has to reason things out in his head before he says smth

like i don’t think he processes emotion in a “i feel [x] so i will act like [y]” type of way.

it’s more of a “i feel [x]. would it be more appropriate for me to act like [y] or [z]?”

maybe it’s bc he’s the leader of such a big group at such a young age but when you say it to jungwon, i feel like his first instinct is to just diffuse the situation

like how does he accept your love without saying it back, hurting your feelings, but also letting you know that he cares for you too?

and in the end, kinda like sunghoon, i feel like he ends up hesitating for so long that he just ends up hurting even though he wanted to do the exact opposite

it would kinda end up in you and jungwon having to take a short break from each other, which rlly stings bc you just confessed that you loved him

and now you’re not speaking to each other?

but as they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder and jungwon’s left staying up at night trying to figure out how to win you back

he doesn’t want to say i love you just to get you to be with him if he’s not 10000% sure that he wants to say it

idk, i feel like it would make the situation all too real for him

and for someone who hasn’t been handed the opportunity to have too much freedom (which then kinda relates to how cautious he gets to be bc of it)

jungwon kinda just starts malfunctioning

it doesn’t feed into his streamlined process of functioning bc he’s not sure if he’s right or wrong anymore

everything’s so morally ambiguous and he realizes just how much he had been confining himself to his own expectations and burdens

and he shows up at your door, sopping wet from the rain bc he doesn’t realize how freeing it is to exist out of the patterns of what he thought he had to act like

ofc he’s still careful bc he’s still jungwon at the end of the day, but when he’s standing at your door with a stupid, heartbreaking smile, all you can think abt is what he says

“i love you.”

NI-KI

gif credits: @epipens​​

“i love you.”

another member of the ‘over my dead body’ squad bc these men are emotionally constipated

not to mention that riki is very young

he’s been thrust into the spotlight and found so much success and fame at such a young age but he rlly just is 17 years old

and for all of his sped-up growth, he hasn’t had a chance to rlly make mistakes and grow from them bc if he makes mistakes, the entire world bashes him

so when you tell him that you love him (it’s gotta be like 3 years into your relationship bc you guys met when you were so young), i highkey feel like he just

combusts

there’s no better word for it

he just doesn’t know what to do or say and bc he’s just so inexperienced, i feel like he would panic and his flight or fight kicks in

and ni-ki would choose flight

he kinda just ends the ft call that you’re on bc he’s on tour and then radio silence

you can’t believe you’re getting ghosted by your own boyfriend but at the same time, you’re really not all that surprised

you know riki better than he’s willing to admit and the thought that someone who knows so much abt him can still love him is just so frightening to him

but he doesn’t know that’s what it is ofc, so he just ghosts you instead

and then two days later, he asks you to break up.

you agree bc what else can you do while he’s on tour and you have no way of communicating w him besides technology which he’s not responding to

but for the rest of the tour, riki is just out of it. his body is on auto pilot and even the fans start noticing that riki doesn’t seem to be as engaged as usual

and he realizes how much of a mistake he made when he doesn’t see your sweet voice messages and how his instinct whenever he gets good news is to txt you, only to see that you’ve blocked him

he literally doesn’t know how to talk to you and ends up resorting to calling you on jake’s phone

riki is sobbing as he tells you how much he misses you and how could you even stay mad at him when it’s so clear that you can’t be without each other?

“i love you.”

[pinksikhewei]

A blue blanket and a gentle guide back to yourself.

Spencer wasn’t exactly sure how much time he’d wasted trying to work himself down from a meltdown, but it wasn’t working and there was just never enough time and he just wasn’t ever good enough anymore.

“I’m not good enough,” he repeated like a mantra.

Word count: ~2300

Content: NO reader, very much centered around Spencer being autistic, mention of him stabbing himself lowkey, angst/comfort, idk what to put here bro im used to Ao3 tags 😭 basically Spencer not coping with having so much freedom after prison but it’s basically just him having a meltdown, JJ and Garcia being real ones, and I guess if you really look close Jeid is there but that wasn’t my intention so it’s up for interpretation💕

A/n: ahhhh this is my first fic on here, and also my first Spencer fic so this is exciting :))) if you see anything misspelled don’t look at me 💀 it feels a little disorganized but that’s just cos I haven’t written in MONTHS for anything other than my novel 😭 ALSO DISREGARD THE TITLE I LITERALLY PONDERED ON IT FOR LJKE THREE HOURS AND COILD NOT COME IP WITH ONE BUT THAYS OKAY

Sometimes, Spencer surprised himself by how odd he could be. Even more so by the twists and turns his life gave him on top of that. Sometimes he wished he could take a good, long look at the woven blanket that was his soul, his personality, his qualities, and decide exactly what to rip out.

But, he supposed that a blanket needed all its threads to keep from unraveling. So when it fell down to smother him, he learned to crawl his way out.

He’d been stronger than he expected himself to be in a lot of situations in his hectic life. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he knew deep down he had courage. Sometimes it was simply a little difficult to find.

He’d found a lot of it while in prison, reaching deep into the dark depths of his soul to grasp onto whatever he could muster. Did that mean stabbing himself to stay protected, losing his best chance for survival in an attempt to make another one? Yes. Did that mean spending sleepless nights wondering if he was really going to get out? Too many times, yes. Did he let that kill him? Almost.

One thing Spencer Reid hated, in truly the most private ways, was change; loss of routine, loss of structure. When he found himself trapped in a cage with people he didn’t know and trust, he lost all of those values that often held him together just as his team did.

He lost his team those days, too.

He lost himself.

Luckily and not so luckily, it didn’t take long to find new routines, built upon him by ruthless guards and rules and blood-boiled inmates with pasts and inevitable futures rougher than his own. He was embarrassingly easy to mold into the rough shape of submission, going where they told him when they told him.

Spencer swore up and down some of those cold nights that if he could have killed himself, he probably would have, but ultimately his team and the promise of freedom were what kept him alive.

When he was finally released, that same team was the one to coax Reid back to who he was; however, none of them expected the damage that would’ve been done in those long six months.

It was almost as if his release did more bad than the initial imprisonment. He couldn’t focus, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t do things himself.

Independence was always important to him— his team knew that— but they couldn’t ignore the way he stood still in front of doors waiting for them to open, the way he sometimes forgot his own bedroom doors were unlocked, the way he was overwhelmed by the amount of choice he had so suddenly. They couldn’t ignore the way he got overloaded so much easier, meltdowns coming much quicker than even JJ had seen in their decades working together.

Everything was just so much for Spencer. Too much. And who did he turn to? Anyone he could carve gentle hands into; anyone he hoped could fill the Spencer-shaped hole in his heart. Of course, there were canyons of those he couldn’t have that embedded in his gut, too; ravines with little cabins where Gideon resided and soccer fields for Hotch to coach on and homes for Derek to make his own with little red doors.

He was grasping at straws trying to fix himself, and that was how Spencer had ended up in his current situation. Pacing the length of the round table room when he should have been getting ready to leave for a case.

But that was just it, they had just closed a case— an especially grueling one at that. It had been less than an hour before Emily had announced with a heavy sigh that they needed to depart from home again. By god, Spencer had never hated her more for saying ‘wheels up in 30’ when it usually made him surge with curious anticipation.

He wasn’t exactly sure how much time he’d wasted trying to work himself down from a meltdown, but it wasn’t working and there was just never enough time and he just wasn’t ever good enough anymore.

“I’m not good enough,” he repeated like a mantra. “Too much; calm down before you bother them.”

JJ, who had been making a last round to grab a cup of coffee before they left, was quick to notice him through the humbling glass wall of the room. Her face turned to one of pain, and she turned on her heel to find Emily.

Once she finally ran into the woman, her sincere voice struck Emily with surprise.

“Spence can’t go on this case. At least not in the field. He’s on the edge of a meltdown and I’m sure the second I go near him he’s going to fall off that edge. I’m gonna make him stay with Garcia.”

Emily nodded, flashing that face of concern JJ had seen many times before, saying, “Don’t you think that’ll set him off more? The change in plans.”

“I think it already has. He knows he’s not going to get through his case without a meltdown, I think he’ll be a little less upset about things this time around.”

“Alright, go,” Emily urged, staring softly into the round table room where she too saw Spencer’s frazzled state.

JJ all but stumbled into Garcia’s cave, tearing her precious blanket from her go bag and snagging a few more from Garcia’s hoard of them in the little basket behind her door.

“You’re gonna have company for the case, that okay?”

“Reid?” Garcia replied with a knowing look.

JJ nodded.

“Can you make him a little cozy place to sit down here? I think this one’s bad, I have no idea how long he’s been pacing.”

Garcia smiled sympathetically, immediately going to work creating a little nest of blankets and decorative pillows she could find around her cave, placing them neatly underneath her desk.

Meanwhile, JJ found herself outside the room that held Spencer and all his emotion. She took a deep breath before opening the door, met with Spencer sitting on the ground and rocking back and forth.

She took a quick motion in moving a couple of the rolling whiteboards in front of the window since sometimes the blinds got stuck and took minutes to work out.

“Spence? It’s JJ— is there anything I can do to help?” She tried softly, not confident she would get an answer.

Spencer didn’t even look at her, holding his knees to his chest and hugging them tightly. He knew by then she wasn’t going to let him in good conscience go in the field, and was working through that, too.

He brought a hand up to his mouth and started biting at his index finger’s knuckle, not really caring how stupid and childish he looked.

“Can you hear me, Spence? Just look at me for a second, so I know you hear me.”

Spencer’s beautiful brown eyes flicked in her direction before returning to the cold floor in front of him, and JJ sighed in relief.

“Great, thank you. I know you probably already know this but you aren’t going in the field, you’re gonna stay with Garcia. Remember you are still working the case if that’s what you want, okay? The only change in plans is location.”

Spencer hummed in a feeble attempt at a response before pulling his hand out of his mouth and wiping it on the fabric of his pants, embarrassed. JJ didn’t mention it, knowing it was the absolute least of their concerns.

“Do you want a hug? It’s okay if you don’t. I can just stay here with you until you’re ready.”

Spencer seemed to be lost in thought for a moment, and JJ let it happen. Then, he nodded, giving JJ a bath of pride in his improvement during the last five minutes.

She sat down beside him and leaned toward his trembling body, wrapping arms around Spencer’s frame in a way that made him feel inexplicably at home.

“God, Spence, you’re about to shake out of your skin.” JJ said absentmindedly, addressing his trembling.

Spencer thought it was silly, but he supposed he really was shaking like a leaf, trying desperately to hold onto its branch against the violence that was the bitter wind.

So, they sat like that until JJ’s phone started to beep more than Spencer knew was casual conversation. He felt the need to apologize, but wasn’t feeling particularly verbal, so he just picked his mop of curls up off her shoulder and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

“Duty calls,” JJ sighed, then tried to lighten the mood a little. “Ten minutes wasn’t even that long, heaven forbid Emily says ‘wheels up’ and we don’t leave on the exact time she says to.”

Spencer silently mouthed fragments of what JJ had said, but JJ didn’t fuss as she’d grown used to his echolalia based habits over the years.

“You ready to head over to Garcia’s cave? She’s got a little pillow fort all set up for you, I’m sure.”

A snake of guilt slithered it’s way into Spencer’s cramped head, curling up around the static ball of overwhelm. He tried not to take too much time steadying himself to stand up, his balance and coordination slightly off from the meltdown. JJ stood with him as soon as she realized what he was trying to do, and helped him up.

“Doing great, Spence. I bet Garcia’s probably already grabbed your bag from your desk, so we can just head on down there.”

On the slightly wobbly and slow walk to Garcia’s cave, Spencer squinted against the lights and mentally cursed his too-tight tie. Once he finally made it, JJ broke off with a small apology and a good luck.

It took Garcia all of three seconds to open the door and immediately fawn over the man, and even if it made him feel burdensome he had to admit it also let him feel cared for.

“Hey, boy genius. I made you a little nook, and I also got you a cookie from my snack desk and a bottle of water,” Garcia smiled widely at him as she always did.

Spencer mustered up a small grin back, and looked down to where she motioned underneath her highly decorated desk. He recognized JJ’s prized blanket she took on every case with her and then his favorite soft blanket Garcia kept in her cave. His heart warmed and he grew a little more calm in knowing he had a safe place to stake out for the majority of the day.

He brought a hand up and adjusted his tie, tugging it off slowly as he tried to think of a way to thank her.

“Go, sit,” Garcia urged him, gently shooing him with her hands as she sat back down on her rolling chair and scooted in to the desk. “You need to drink some water and chill out before I do any sort of debriefing on this case.”

Spencer mimicked her shooing motions before he sat down, a little shamefully, and opened up the bottle of water.

Honestly, the small space made him feel safe, and the gentle light from Garcia’s fairy lights and monitors was just little enough that his eyes didn’t feel like exploding, and his mind settled a little bit.

He reached down and untied his shoelaces, resisting the urge to remove them all together, and then pulled the blanket up over his lap as he leaned against the wall. He looked up at countless little stickers and stars Garcia had planted there, wondering when and why she even put them in a place she couldn’t see.

“Better?” Garcia asked softly, and Spencer could hear the clicking of her keyboard.

Spencer, without really realizing what he was doing, quietly repeated her while he fidgeted with a little plush Garcia had put in the nest of blankets.

“Better?”

“Ah, so we’re mimicking today. Good to know,” she chuckled back.

“Good to know.”

She laughed a little, not surprised he’d been able to copy her voice to a T, but rolled back a little anyway.

“Alright, well, the case file is here but only if you want it and you’re ready,” Garcia tapped the desk above his head.

“Only when you’re ready.”

And so, Spencer sat there for the remainder of the day, occasionally laying down on his back if his legs started to fall asleep, surrounded by the soft energy of Garcia’s cave.

When he was ready— even if he was still a little stuck in repeating what was said to him— he gave Garcia input on the case and said hello to the team over the phone.

He was more than grateful for his team, his friends who cared about him. He knew that this was exactly where he was meant to be, even if it was missing a few of his favorite people. He knew this was where he belonged, this was what would fill that Spencer-shaped hole in his heart and let it overflow.

He just had to let it happen.

[callmehere-iwillappear]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

this has been sitting in my drafts for probably months and i actually don't remember who tagged me at this point sorry </3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

168,724

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently just rise but i've had some other fandoms i've written for in the past

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

call me here (i will appear) Use Only For Intended Purpose The Idiot's Guide to Blindfold Chess new phone who dis because i fear i'm lost (and i cannot be found again) wow big surprise(/s) all of these are rise al;jfldksjfkd

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to but uh </3 i am not very good at it

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ummm. probably waiting for answers, wasting time bc even if u know the comfort and healing comes there very much isn't any in the fic itself so whoops </3 i am not good at hurt/no comfort so i don't. have a lot of fics that would really qualify

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uuhhhhh ig fibonacci? most of my fics have relatively happy endings and. this is the one with the least angst overall so

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not yet thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do not alfjdlkjfkdls

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

imma keep it real with you chief most of the crossovers that i've written are with other people's aus and idk if that counts

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of fingers crossed

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeesssss? sorta? it's not like, on ao3 but i've done some collab crossover stuff with friends (see aforementioned crossover question)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

god idk. i don't do a lot of shipping these days sorry </3 i have some ships i think are cute but i'm not like, into them enough to say they really qualify

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i want to finish idiot's guide and cmh very very badly and i refuse to jinx it. idk abt npwd solely because of like the type of fic it is, idk if it'll ever be finished finished yk. like there'll always be more little scenes i can do

16. What are your writing strengths?

um. i've been told i'm good at character voice

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

sweats nervously

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't really do it? i probably wouldn't unless it was like, just a couple words - i don't mind too much when other ppl do it bc i have a translation extension on my laptop but i don't have many options when i'm on my phone

19. First fandom you wrote for?

doctor who........ i was like. god idek. fifteen? maybe younger i straight up don't remember <- also none of this is on ao3 this was like, back in my ff.net days and i don't think i even remember my login lmao

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmm hm hm. okay. probably because i fear i'm lost. just bc like... idk i'm proud of how it turned out and i'm really . idk. happy with the reception it got. i'm happy it reached people who can relate to it. and it's short enough that there's not like, enough space for there to be parts where i just have to force myself to write stuff i'm not 100% happy with to fill in the gaps. if that makes sense

tagging: You

[somewhat-insane]

Idk if you’re doing requests right now (or at all), but could you maybe write a MK x male! siren! Reader? Like, MK just found out that his new friend is a siren? Can be head cannons or one shot, I don’t mind either way.

Not forced ofc, just thought it’d be fun to see! Have a good day/night :3

Sorry this is so late! In general requests are always open since there aren't that many people requesting anyway, but I might take a bit to get to things. I promise it's not that I forgot! I just tend to pick up and drop things at random times. I digress. I decided to do a oneshot because I haven't done as many of those and I want more practice doing them. I also didn't know what version of a siren you wanted soooooo I may or may not have spent time researching various sirens only to kind of do my own interpretation anyway. (I ended up choosing to do the more aquatic siren that would work kind of like the sea monsters in Luca instead of the bird sirens from Greek Mythology. If you want me to do another oneshot with the bird version, I might.) Regardless, I hope you enjoy and have a good day/night too! (P.S. I stole the title of this from a movie-)

~Song of the Sea~

Tags: MK x Male!Siren!Reader, oneshot

Warnings: Mention of sirens eating humans but no details

The sea is a dangerous thing. Essential to life yet destructive in nature. Many have disappeared into the salty depths. But the power held within the waves is not the only thing to fear, that much MK knew. 

Growing up, he heard many stories of monsters that lurked in the watery abyss and would drag their unsuspecting victims deep into the water where the pressure alone was enough to crush your skull. The cautionary tales did their job well.

Too well, perhaps.

These stories, despite being told with good intent, created such a fear in the young boy that he never actually learned how to swim.

Even as he grew out of his fear, he was too busy to take time to learn.

He used to joke that it was just one more thing he had in common with his mentor.

It seemed a lot less funny now, as he sunk deeper.

One moment he was training on his cloud and the next…

Well… The water had rushed around him before he knew it, muffling the sound and filling his mouth with the taste of salt as he sucked in a startled gasp. 

Everything was blurry and green and his eyes stung. Just before he could close them though, he saw a strange glimmer in the water, as though the warped image of the sky tore away into crystal-like scales that swam just out of his peripheral vision. Before he could consider it further, he felt strong arms around him and he was being tugged back up to land. 

His back hit the sand and he sputtered and coughed, turning over to heave the saltwater out of his lungs, grimacing as it stung his throat and coated his taste buds. Once he was able to blink away the sting in his eyes and his vision cleared, he looked up, ready to thank his savior, only to freeze at the familiar—albeit scalier than he remembered—face staring back at him, concern etched in the man’s familiar incredibly handsome eyes.

“You-?” MK wheezed, sitting up to get a better look at the man and confirm what he was seeing wasn’t just some trick of the light.

“Surprise…?”

///

MK was used to having unusual friends.

Even before he knew he was some weird monkey demon, he wasn’t unfamiliar with the various demons that resided in Megapolis.

Which is probably why he didn’t think anything of it when he met someone new on the Flower Fruit Mountain beach a few months ago.

If he had been thinking about it at the time, he probably would’ve realized that most regular humans or demons aren’t able to pass the flaming mountains safely without some kind of magical assistance, though his mentor had mentioned creatures that lived in the water surrounding the mountain.

“Skittish things, they are,” Wukong had grunted in response to MK asking about a scroll he found while sifting through the remaining treasures in the cave. (He had initially been hesitant to touch it, remembering the last scroll incident in that same area.) The scroll depicted half-human-half-bird creatures in the skies and half-human-half-fish creatures in the water, “incredibly intelligent though. Not unlike Huli Jing. Tricksters. Though it’s mostly just so they have easier access to prey, they don’t seem like the type of creatures to screw with people just for fun.”

Wukong had continued on to explain that he let them stay because they pass through an underwater cave under the flaming mountains and lure poachers astray before eating them, which is a load taken off his shoulders. (He grumbled something else about wishing they would clean up the remains so skulls would stop washing up on his beach and nearly give him a panic attack.)

MK wasn’t thinking about any of this though when he had seen a strange man sitting upon a plant covered rock, looking out at the water with a thoughtful—if not entirely forlorn—expression.

To be fair, he was a bit… distracted by the man’s handsomeness; the way the setting sun cast beautiful hues over his distant expression.

And, of course, MK was definitely very elegant in his introduction and he definitely didn’t fall face first into the sand which made the man, who was originally alarmed by MK’s sudden appearance, laugh. The jovial sound made MK smile against the ground.

///

“So… this entire time…?” Mk starts, looking at you with wide eyes while taking a sip from the warm cup of tea you made for him. He wasn’t sure where you got the tea kettle and mug but he supposed it didn’t really matter all that much.

“Mhm,” you hum in confirmation, your scales slowly retreating as the fire dried the water off of you. The sun had fully set a few minutes ago, the stars now glistening above as you sat across from MK, the campfire blazing between you and obstructing your view of each other. You could tell this made MK anxious as he couldn’t read your expression, but you didn’t really want to read his, scared that he would be mad you hid this big part of yourself.

“Cool,” MK responded casually, taking another sip of tea before asking, “and you didn’t tell me because…?”

“Didn’t seem important,” you shrugged, averting your eyes from the fire to watch the way the moon’s reflection rippled on the surface of the ever-shifting water.

MK huffed a soft laugh at that, “I’m pretty sure species is at least one of the top five things you find out about a new friend within like... the first week.”

You rolled your eyes with an amused smirk, hiding it by taking a sip of your own tea despite the flame between you ensuring he wouldn't see it anyway, “says the guy who didn’t even know he was a monkey until he was twenty-something.”

You tensed up when instead of laughter his reaction was to unexpectedly stand up and walk over to your side of the fire. For a moment you feared you had upset him but then you saw the fond glint in his eyes as he settled beside you. You relaxed. Only slightly.

“Fair,” MK said, taking a sip of tea as he stared into the flames with a contemplative expression. After a moment of silence you said, “I… didn’t know how you would react.”

“Hm?” MK raised a brow.

“To learning I was a siren… I’m not sure how sirens that live closer to the mainland act, but I imagine we’re definitely more… traditional than them. Our only interactions with humans have either been us being hunted by them or us killing them,” you were quiet for a moment, leaning back on your hands before adding with a slightly sheepish grin, “I probably would’ve eventually tried to lure you to the others for a feast if you hadn’t spilled your entire life story within seconds of meeting me and told me you were a monkey demon. The Monkey King’s successor, no-less.”

“Eh,” MK chuckled with a shrug, “I’d probably have been able to escape, I’m used to fighting demons.”

“Oh, sure, you definitely wouldn’t be able to be seduced into the water mr. ‘tripped in the sand because distracted by a hot man,’” you tease, earning a scoff and a playful shove.

“Shut upppp. You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Nope~”

MK rolled his eyes fondly before resting his head on your shoulder. You tensed for a moment before sighing and wrapping an arm around him.

Sirens; enchanting beings whose beauty and song lure unsuspecting sailors to their doom. These creatures utilized the mortal nature of curiosity and the allure that accompanies danger and the unknown. Whether they offer you knowledge or intimacy, they seem to know exactly how to weave their songs into traps for their unsuspecting prey.

Meetings with such creatures, however, don’t always lead to an untimely and sometimes poetically ironic demise, MK's learned.

Sometimes they lead to something even better than what is promised.

~

Thank you for reading!! I'm sorry if this was boring, I still haven't really figured out how to write anything interesting- I tried though! Constructive criticism is allowed!

[cookinguptales]

I will say, though, that sometimes you try to talk yourself out of your feelings for a long time and then you talk to someone outside of the situation and they're like "what the fuck" and you're like OH okay I have a right to feel weird and bad and stressed out.

I guess it's easy to feel stupid because you actually are affected when people are actively trying to affect you, especially when it's something like writing on the internet, which is just... always going to get harassment. Like when I say I've gotten messages about how people like me should be euthanized in the past over tumblr posts. :')

So you're like "oh, random shitty people is just something that everyone deals with, I should shut up and stop being a baby about it" and then you actually show the messages you're getting to someone and they're like ???? what????

Like I shared my inbox with my hairstylist when we were chatting a few days ago, and he was like ???? This man is not in fandom, so when he saw the kind of shit I was getting over not liking a finale of a tv show, he was shocked. Which... was kind of gratifying. It made me feel less crazy. lmao

Kind of reminds me of when I wrote this really personal essay about disability a few years ago and it won a contest. The people running the contest gave me uhhh quite a bit of money and asked me to keep writing for their site for more money. Like when I tell you I was literally on IRL conference calls with these people asking me why I stopped writing for them.

And I was finally like "...well, there's this feature on your site where you can tag other users in your essays, and after I won people kept writing their own essays about how much I didn't deserve to win, about how "lucky" I was to have a sob story that was attractive to the judges, about how whiny I was, people questioning my disability, etc. And since they tagged me, this was filling my email inbox and it really stressed me out. But if you look at the actual comments on the story, you don't see any of that. So it was kind of invisible harassment."

And the rep was horrified. She had never even considered that someone might use the feature like that. She was like WE'LL INVESTIGATE THIS and I was like. sure, okay. But getting that taste of the spotlight was already enough to make me peace out for good, tbh. Even though I knew that a lot of it was just sour grapes because they wanted to win themselves, and I knew that a lot of what they were saying wasn't valid, the sheer force of the animosity against me was overwhelming.

Like... it's not a crime to have your feelings hurt when someone is actively trying to hurt your feelings. It's natural, I guess, even if you feel kind of stupid about it.

I guess it's kind of wild to me that we just take it for granted that anyone who speaks up is gonna get yelled at online. Any prominent writer or activist you see is probably getting daily cruelty, if not outright death threats. And you just -- you have to have such a certain temperament to deal with all that. And I don't have it. I get easily overwhelmed and stressed when people are mad at me and I know it's not ideal but it is who I am. I joke about it, but I really kind of do feel like a small nervous dog sometimes.

And I wonder, sometimes, how many great voices we never hear from because of this expectation of harassment. Someone says something, gets some shitty trolly comment, then goes back in their hole and never talks again. Or they see the way other people get treated and they never speak up in the first place.

idk, I don't mean to be a martyr about this and I'm sure other people are getting the kinds of messages I am but like. God, it is so weird and disheartening to realize that a few people have been sending you nasty messages for literally months when you block an anon from your inbox and you see what else disappears. There are people who are so mad at me that they've sent me angry messages for months. Because I don't have the same opinions they do about a tv show.

It kind of makes you want to never talk about anything ever again. :(

[bluberimufim]

Writer Q&A Tag Game

Hello. I got tagged for this by @squarebracket-trick on this post and I thought it sounded super fun. So, here we are!

1. What motivates you to write?

I started out as an artist, but I began writing once I realized that visual art as a medium wasn't enough to tell the stories I wanted to tell - it had no way of codifying lore, defining character traits, or even just easily telling a long story. I think it's still largely that, in a way. I come up with all these stories and I "get them out" through writing because I sure as hell can't keep them inside my brain for eternity.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

This one is pretty recent, from a few chapters ago in DoS, but I'm really proud of it. I just feel like it emphasizes how much Seth's experience with souls connects with the body, which is the Goddess of Time's domain. A lot of metaphors in this story centre around bodies and physicality because of this. Here's the snippet:

And yet, there was Theo, with her soul so unwound there was no fixing it anymore. The most she could do was keep healing and healing, covering the cracks of the bowl with her own hands in the hope that they'd go back to normal. Keep filling the ocean so that, no matter how many holes lined its bed, it would never be empty. [...] She held her so tight she thought her hands would fuse to her skin. As if she could cover the cracks of her soul with her own body.

Idk, I just vibe with it.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

(what happened to 3 and 4? where did they go?)

I'd say back-and-forth banter, probably because of my time in theatre, but also horror description. It creeps up on me. I keep writing horror on accident. And I always really like it. Just something about describing something weird and spooky.

6. What do you enjoy most about the Writeblr community?

Mostly the fact that there's all these other writers who have cool stuff and also wanna see my cool stuff. I already loved writing on my own, but knowing that there are people Out There who also care about my stories just feels amazing.

And also, the casual friendship between people. You interact with someone's blog, they interact with yours, and you suddenly feel like you're friends, kinda. I can only compare it to making quick friends with someone on the playground as a kid. I like it <3

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech-to-text, a writing program etc)

I am a very ✨analogue✨ person, so my best writing advice in this scenario is always: put that shit on paper.

Feel unsure about a scene? Put that shit on paper. It's like a 0.5th (hehe "halfth") draft that you will copy onto your document and you will always improve it with that second look.

Worried about perfectionism? Put that shit on paper. Even pencil, at least to me, feels hard to erase. It's mostly about living with the stuff you've written and not looking back - erasing is such a pain in the ass that you might as well just keep going forward.

Wanna write secretly during class/lectures/whatever where you're not allowed to have a device? Wadda ya know, the answer is also paper.

Wanna edit? Printing stuff out helps you get some distance from your own writing and it also makes you see it more as a book than as just something you've made.

It also generally makes you feel less bad about changing stuff later in the document, because you have a solid, physical record of what you've written before.

Put that shit on paper. It works well.

(sorry for the rant sbdhagjk)

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

I once made a post about the art movements in the world of the dystopia WIP (yes, seriously) but I can't find it anymore. I'm not gonna explain it again, it was stupidly long the first time around.

I guess, outside the dystopia WIP, I'm pretty proud of the whole Three Sister Goddesses thing from DoS. I have drawn designs, but I'll make another post sometime. I'm also proud of the relationship between the Goddesses tho.

They're at war with each other, but they're just doing it for entertainment. They kiiiinda hate each other but not as much as their desire to have fun. Like, they will send their daughters to decimate each other's armies, but they'll also hang out together in the Plane of the Gods. The war is kind of like a decades-long game of Monopoly they're having at the family function. And I just think it's cool. Goes into that whole thing about mortals being like ants to uncaring gods that I like.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Kinda cliché, but I'd say this: it happens to everyone, dude (gender neutral). Everyone has periods of time when they feel bad and can't write. Or where they feel like their writing is terrible. Doesn't make you less of a writer.

Even if you're not as productive as other people: who cares, honestly? As long as you're having a good time and doing something you love, it doesn't matter how much time you need or don't need to finish something. Even if you never finish anything. And if you feel like you're not as good as other people: who cares either, you know? Everybody starts somewhere. And everybody has different strengths. You'll get better. You always do.

At the end of the day, we're all just doing this because we love it. Don't force yourself. The time will pass anyway.

Ooooookay that last one was a bit more serious than the rest. Anyway, I wanna tag, no pressure, @fleurtygurl @stesierra @cheeto-flavoured-pasta and @sarandipitywrites

[adventuringblind]

Fic writer Interview!

Tagged by @lellabellas (sorry this took me like five million years T_T)

How many works do you have on AO3?

28

What's your total AO3 word count? 242,516... damn

(adding that with the stuff from tumblr would be ridiculous me thinks)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Stupid Alphas- (466)

Filled to the Brim with Your Love... (and other things but that's not the point) (434)

Pretty To Me (336)

My Demons (Are Begging Me to Open Up My Mouth) (297)

Do Andriods Have Dicks? (295)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

As much as I whine for attention and interaction... i'm really bad at responding to comments because I get overwhelmed. Like I do actually cry at shit because I'm a sensitive baby alright... I see them and I love them and I often go read them again and I'll answer questions if I see them but yeah-

I want to start responding but I just like... struggle.

(sorry T_T)

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

um... I'm an angst writer primarily so this is a rough one.

So there is the classic 'everyone dies trope' that I've done in both Why are we always stuck and running (from The bullets, the bullet?) and I’ve dug two graves for us my dear. Both are angsty but the Loscar one is significantly less angsty in how Logan gets what is his definition of a happy ending where in the landoscar mafia one that was them going out together because they couldn't be apart which to me, after all they'd been through, felt harsher.

do Androids Have Dicks I also deem as angsty because it's not a happy ending. It's open for interpretation for what happens after Oscar is free to do as he pleases within the android laws... but at the same time he isn't considered a person anymore. He's left stuck between being treated like the Android he is and wanting to be more. At the same time though he's not got any obligations and can learn to live. Take that how you will...

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

(Well fuck me too for this one-)

I'm going to say Probably what will be the ending for My Demons because Jos hate always slaps

Do you write crossovers?

Depends on what it is... Like I did the DBH au but i'm not sure if that is considered a crossover?

I'd be willing to think about it if i liked the idea enough but it's just not something I really vibe on most occasions.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

yes.

It's probably well out there by now that I stopped writing reader inserts for the most part because I it was a daily thing. I was waking up to people in my inbox and dm's saying I was disgusting. A lot of it also was geared towards how I shouldn't write about trauma I don't know about. Which... it sucks when you spend a good chunk of your life begging for people to believe you and not victim blame. I write because it's how I cope and it hurt that people were assuming I didn't know what I was talking about.

I still get anxious writing stuff that is out there but I have a good support system now who has been really encouraging!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hahahahahahahahahahahaha...................um-

The degenerate kind? The dom Oscar kind? Idk on this one y'all

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep! One of my reader inserts ended up on wattpad but it got taken down.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but if anyone ever wanted to do it i'd be so down!

It was an idea at with a friend at one point to turn fics into audio books. As someone who does use screen readers sometimes, it's rough for fics because it sounds all robotic. There is ZERO emotion. Not sure that counts as a translation but it was a fleeting thought at one point.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not technically but my beta reader loves me and I give her credit for many of the ideas :))

What's your all-time favorite ship?

landoscar 100000%

they intrigue and endear me to no end. I fear I may never love another at this rate.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Probably this one fic I started that's a/b/o with omega Lando who is born into a trafficking ring, saved by Max F years later and finds Oscar who was the original target when they got Max F...

Lots of angst and Lando learning to be a person

What are your writing strengths?

A N G S T

But also world building for me is a lot of fun! It's the details that maybe are miniscule to the reader but mean a lot to me when setting up how things work and the rules of the universe.

What are your writing weaknesses?

F L U F F

Endings... I can never find a good stopping point and will just keep going which is why sometimes my fics just trail off into the void of weird dialouge.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

depending on how it's done I think it's fine. I am a sucker for pet names in the native tongue and characters who gradually pick up on the languageafter being around someone for so long.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Would you believe me if I said Destiny 2?

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Logan/Alex/George because I have no idea but the thought of them endears me.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

At the moment it's Do Androids Have Dicks because I had so much fun writing it! I sometimes get lost in all the little things of fics but this one was just me and my angst having a blast!

I will say the The Heartstring Theory, which is the WIP that i've been working on the most and promoting, is my favorite thing of all time. It's one that I'm excited to share but am waiting until I get it all written to share it.

[icharchivist]

more da4 stuff are coming out and i hadn't blocked the spoilers tag yet bc the warning was that there'll be more spoilers on the 19Th, but last article by IGN actually revealed two things i really wanted to see in game by myself and i'm so mad kdjfhdjkfhd

i blocked the tag now so at least i should be able to avoid more but boooo

but about those things bc i want to discuss them:

so far it was a theory that Lucanis was possessed by a demon but the latest video just confirmed it and i'm. so sad they did so.

but they also confirmed which type of demons which is a win for me bc i've been brainstorming it for a while.

Because the tarot card showed Pride Demon and it boggled my mind because Lucanis is NOT prideful. he's only arrogant to provoke his marks. And, on the other hand, he's not particularly wise. In fact he's the opposite of wise this man fucking tore open the Veil to get revenge and then went "idk it seemed like a plan, anyway yolo YOU told me to do that", this man behaves on instincts not on wisdom.

To me, if spirit was possessing Lucanis (which was strongly hinted at from his new powers, his skillsets, the fact he's believed dead and probably did actually die!), it should be a spirit of Justice/a demon of Vengeance, because Lucanis is DEADSET on vengeance even though it's not his job. He derails his job completely because he's motivated by vengeance for people who were wronged by Ambrose.

But then again we never truly saw what type of shape a Justice/Vengeance spirit would take, since we only met one possessing other people's body. It also felt wrong to me to have this again considering how close it would have been from the Anders/Justice plotline from daoa and da2 (with Justice first possessing a dead person and him being twisted to vengeance once he gets into Anders).

So my conclusion was Justice/Vengeance unless it's a new spirit we've never heard of that is adjacent to that.

WELL the latest video seems to reveal that Lucanis is possessed by a Demon of Spite.

Which. Well. Close enough????

But also it means Lucanis very likely died or almost died and was saved by a spirit of Spite (probably because Lucanis is waaaays too comfortable using spirits to start with but that's a post for another time i have so many thoughts about Lucanis, magic, and spirits) which is why he's alive. The screenshot i've seen implies that Lucanis is trying to keep Spite from being too active, trying not to trigger it, and i wonder if the stolen glances with Emmrich in particular is a set up to how Emmrich, used to gently handling spirits who bind themselves to corpses, would help him navigate this situation.

BUT the best part to me is that it means Lucanis SURVIVED OUT OF SPITE. THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING YOU CAN SAY ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER HELLO. HE LITERALLY SURVIVED OUT OF SPITE.

I already love him so much it keeps adding i'll never be safe.

The other spoiler i've seen is that we're definitely seeing Felassan again and i'm so excited for that, but i wish I'd been surprised about it in game. He's a book-only character, from The Masked Empire, and there's only one line that refers to him in Trespasser ("His friend had to die. Because he thought they were people. A slow arrow breaks in the sad wolf's jaws."), but we know Felassan was someone important to Solas and that the end of TME still haunts him, so it was logical that in the Lighthouse/Crossroads, that will be filled with Solas' memories, we'll see more about Felassan, but i was worried they may ignore him all together because he IS a book only character, no matter how beloved he is. I'm relieved they're actually showing him, but MAN i can just imagine how i'd have screamed if i saw he was there in game. wasted.

Anyway now i blacklisted everything and i reread The Wigmaker's Job and The Wake the other day, and i have thoughts, i've written half a post about it and then got too lazy to do the rest, so stay up for that one i guess.

But ghhhh. So good.

[aimlessarchery]

TOA Anniversary Munday!

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

tagging: anybody/everybody!

----

Name: Maddie

Pronouns: they/she

Birthday (no year): January 12

Where are you from? What is your time zone? US East Coast, EST

Roleplay experience: probably about ~10 years on-and-off between forums, chat rp, and tumblr

----

Got any pets? two dogs! Seamus is an Australian Shepherd, and Keegan is a rescue mutt. I love them both very dearly

Favorite time of year: Fall

Some interests and things you like: drawing/painting, RPGS, video game music (listening to, finding notation of + transcribing for piano)

Some funfacts & trivia about you: i'm left-handed and an eldest sibling, which means i accidentally taught my younger sister how to play guitar hero backwards

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? oh man. childhood favorites that stick with me are Pokemon, Kingdom Hearts, and Final Fantasy. I've dipped into Tales of, though the only one I've completed is Vesperia (beloved game). Octopath Traveler 1 and 2 are both amazing. Splatoon is my favorite shooter. I've gotten lost in Pillars of Eternity for hundreds of hours. I think my fav Elder Scrolls game has become Oblivion for some reason. Sometimes I dive into sim games like Planet Zoo or Two Point Hospital for a bit. I like video games!!

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: hard to pick a type, but some of my favs are Ampharos, Ivysaur, and Furret!

----

How did you get into Fire Emblem? downloaded the Awakening demo and played it like 10 times in a row. decided that buying myself the game was going to be my first "treat yourself" purchase when i moved out for college

What Fire Emblem games have you played? completed: Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn, Awakening, Shadows of Valentia, Three Houses (VW, CF, most of AM) actively in progress: Blazing Blade, Three Hopes, Silver Snow route of 3H started, but only barely: Gaiden, Genealogy, Shadow Dragon (DS), New Mystery of the Emblem

First Fire Emblem game: Awakening

Favorite Fire Emblem game: Tellius Duology (hard to separate them for me haha), with SOV as a strong contender as well

Any Fire Emblem crushes? ...and if I was also a little aquiver with python from lukas's performance in the SOV DLC what of it

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? - Awakening: Stahl - Fates: Azama - Three Houses: Shamir

Favorite Fire Emblem class: hmm...archers and mages, maybe. it's always satisfying when the chip damage is enough to save a front liner from retaliation, and even more satisfying when a crit or adept procs and the ranged unit is like "nah dw i got this"

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class? my gut says wind mage. idk why tho besides the lack of athleticism needed for a physical class lol

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? Golden Deer!

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with? I have not played engage but i want a ghost ike to be my bestie...

----

How did you find TOA? Lucius was over at my house and pitched it to me one night while we were reminiscing about FERP on tumblr. pulled up the rank chart on my computer to explain it to me and everything lmao

Current TOA muses: Python and Caspar

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again? Python was my first! He's definitely the one I'm most confident in, and I see him as kind of my "bedrock muse" for now.

Have you had any other TOA muses? I had Reyson for a short-ish time!

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards? I think I'm still feeling out the difference between "types of characters i gravitate toward liking" and "types of characters I gravitate toward writing". I do think I feel most comfortable writing supporting characters with enough backstory for me to tease out and build up from there!

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most? I love character connection. Whether it's spoken aloud or not, I like little moments where I can have my muse compare a character to someone else they know, or see each other in a different way. I also love when characters have conflicting views and motivations and have to deal with that in one way or another!

Favorite TOA-related memory: KKE Team Guard coming together for that crazy rapid-fire chat that Ree sprung on us for the finale is definitely a strong one! It was so fun seeing different characters shine throughout the conversations, and on my own end I loved having an opportunity to let Python lose his cool for once >:3

How do you pronounce TOA? each letter pronounced individually: tee-oh-ay

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day in TOA that you’d like to share? I've only got fleeting thoughts that I would have to let simmer longer, especially when I would have to let someone go to fill the slot (I have accepted that 2 is my personal limit). That said, I've got a few guys hidden behind my back on the off-chance that I feel like it's time for a change ;0

[beck-nightengale]

Summer Reading/Writing/Arting Tag

Yo, I was tagged by @chennnington over here to do this thing and it does look like fun, so why not!

But I'm also going to be boring since idk who to tag, so anyone is free to fill this thing out if it hits your dashboard. ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ Go knock yourselves out.

1) Describe one creative WIP project you’re planning to work on over the summer.

Thanks to Enderal kicking my creative nuts into gear and being recently liberated from certain "game-master" obligations (long, long ass story that'd probably go over most Tumblr folks' heads, anyway), I finally started diving back into a sapphic-flavored dark fantasy book series that I'd been planning since like around 2016 or so. It was mostly born out of some frustrations with the lack of WLW in general, and while I have some WLW elements in my existing works, I wanted to write something that was more overtly WLW with a leading lady who was outgoing about her sexuality than my previous protagonists (who are either repressed as fuck or too dead to hold a relationship that would function) and wouldn't take her four dang novels to finally kiss a girl.

Anyway, Morane Soraya was created from a whole mess of complicated feelings about women in media. I describe her as a combination of Julie D'aubigny and Anne Lister, with a bit of Christina of Sweden (all of who were badass women in history. Look 'em up!). I wrote a lot about the basics of who she is/what she's all about here.

Morane is a good bean:

Book 1, Bloodtithes, will go into her venturing into a scarcely-visited icy continent to investigate a possible cure or effective treatment to the painful condition she had been forced to live with, which gives her the proficiency she has in Blood Magick (which isn't inherently evil in her world, but very often misunderstood because of its side effects). She's from a mercenary group who all share the same condition and propensity for Blood Magick, so they're interested in this so-called "cure" as well, but not many make it to this country and survive, so Morane is sent alone instead. Along the way, she meets a horned jackal-man named Darius ka Dir, and gets entangled in a plot with a strigoika named Viorica Avanas who has a whole buttload of inner demons of her own (side note: I once played Vio in Skyrim to mess around with Kaidan and they got into some... Situations).

A friend drew Darius and he has a single giant and glorious curl that he is very serious about.

I've also talked a lot about Jade for my Enderal stuff, who was already based on an existing character, and I've figured out how to work her into Morane's world. She won't factor in until Book 2, Cloverleaf, because she's essentially gonna tear down a wall and break freaking everything.

You know. Like she do.

It's still in the planning stages but I'm feeling pretty good about it.

2) Rec a book!

I just started reading Dreams of the Dying by Nicolas Lietzau, which I'm enjoying a lot, but haven't read enough yet to form a coherent recommendation on it. I just got the audiobook though so I'm looking forward to that!

Otherwise, House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski is one of my favorite novels of all time and was a major writing inspiration for me. It's creative in how it gets you to feel uneasy while you're reading the book itself, a huge mindfuck, and one of the few novels that actually made me feel a sense of dread while I was reading it.

If you'd like some seriously bonkers reading material, I'd suggest giving it a looksee.

3) Rec a fic! (outside your character tag)

Iiii don't actually read fanfiction that much, so I'm not sure if I can rec one!

On the flipside, feel free to rec me some Enderal fics (or your own, if you have any). I'll read the shit out of it.

4) Rec music!

I can't recommend Murder by Death to people enough. They're my all-time favorite band, one of the few I've ever made an effort to go see live when they were playing in my city (just before lockdown hit, no less), and deserve more love. I've been listening to them since I discovered them high school and their albums just keep getting better and better.

Also it's not hard for me to find some character-centric songs from them because the topics they write about is very versatile. I tend to think of Lost River for Jade's story, and Ditch Lilly and Rumbrave for Rey's.

5) Share one piece of advice!

Writing women! Because I guess this one needs telling as there are people who still find writing female characters daunting or somehow more difficult than it is to write men. Which, fair, I was the same way. Despite having mostly female protagonists in the novels I'd written, the dudes in my earlier stuff somehow ended up taking the spotlight and stealing most of the development. I really struggled to work through some of my own internalized misogyny and "there are no good female characters in media" mindset, and it took a lot of opening my mind up before it got easier. Now I predominately focus on writing women to be that change I want to see - this includes not killing certain ones off to enhance manpain like I used to, which I learned was called "fridging", lol.

My advice for writing them is to just write them as characters. It sounds simple and stupid, but I'm surprised how much people get wrapped up in the "she must be a strong girlboss" brainrot that they end up with a very flat, boring character that literally no one can relate to, so she still gets outshined by the dudes because the writer tried to overcompensate her badass womanliness without giving her actually compelling character traits.

I feel like one of the main reasons why I absolutely adored Ellen Ripley when I was a kid was because she was written to be a man in the first Alien movie, but they changed the character into a woman without changing the script and it just worked. I didn't know that when I was young, but finding that out just made me appreciate Ripley so much more, because the writers didn't treat her like a "strong female character" but as just a character. I think if writers approached this mindset more, we wouldn't have the "no good female characters in media issue" that doesn't need to be an issue in the first place.

These days I approach character-building by not restricting certain traits by gender, and finding a balance between strengths and weaknesses. Just shut off your critical analysis brain to create a "strong female character" and just write "strong character" instead.

I could word vomit more about my own ladies and how much I love them now than I used to but I feel like this has gone on long enough. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[pseudolife-archived3]

— 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓.

name: Fujiko Tsuda

name meaning:

Fujiko (藤子) — child of wisteria; chosen because she likes the flowers

Tsuda (津田) — harbor rice paddy; chosen because it is a common surname

alias/es: 

the wife

ethnicity: Japanese

one picture / icon you like best of your character:

i don't. have a faceclaim for her so here just.. have unsplash photo i have saved in her folder..

three h/cs you never told anyone:

Fujiko has a form of dyslexia. She doesn't know what it is, because she has no real education, but she knows she has difficulty. She's clever enough to hide her problems however, usually by pretending to read something and asking for a further explanation, or straight up refusing to read something and demanding an verbal explanation.

She has never been a victim to physical violence. Fujiko is a manipulative little bitch, always has been, and when it comes to violence, she always manages to avoid it being directed her way. With regards to verbal violence, it rolls off her skin, so it could be argued that she's never been victim to that either.

She is a very good record keeper. Despite any difficulties she has when it comes to reading, or writing really, Fujiko is very diligent when it comes to recording matters around her. She has hundreds of little black books, each filled with tidbits and pieces of information that could be used for blackmail against the people around her. To prevent these secrets being stolen, and again because of her dyslexia, she has her own coded way of writing things, and each book, once filled, is carefully hidden away - either put in a safe deposit box, or mailed to her longtime lover Vow for safe keeping.

three things your character likes doing in their free time: 

Sex. What can I say, she's a bit of an addict. Mostly, however, it is a control thing for her, and she's perfectly satisfied with being a dominatrix in non-sexual scenes. Her real addiction is power and control.

Cleaning. She's an extremely tidy person, and she likes her spaces to be clean. Regularly, she will clean out apartments entirely, tossing entire wardrobes when she feels they are too full, or furniture when she feels it is too worn.

Baking. She can't really cook, but god is she a really good baker - often when stressed. She will make hundreds of sweets in an afternoon for no reason other than the fact that she's bothered and has no one to take it out on. To be friends with her, or even associated with whoever her husband is at the time, is basically a ticket to all you can eat sugary sweets.

people your character likes / loves:

Herself. If you haven't caught on by now, she's incredibly self-centered.

Vow. (@/divineviclence). The only constant lover in her life, and perhaps the only man she will ever really love. He is as close as she will ever get to having a soul mate, and they complete each other in many ways. She wouldn't die for him, but she would certainly make sure someone was murdered for him.

whispers. she doesn't... like anyone else... mostly she just barely tolerates people.

two things your character regrets:

Not fucking her mother over worse. They never had a good relationship, and quite frankly, framing him for her father's murder never quite seemed enough of a punishment for how poorly she feels like she was treated.

Not attempting to at least get a little more education. Sometimes, she has to tap out of conversations with potential marks because she doesn't understand quite what is being discussed, and it's incredibly frustrating to her.

one phobia your character has:

HEMOPHOBIA. The fear of seeing blood, gore, etc. She will quite literally have a breakdown and get violently ill at the sight of blood, gore, or anything of the like. It's probably the only thing that will ever obviously bother her, and even her own blood freaks her out. (She's on an IUD, so her periods are very rare.)

tagged: stolen from @nezemnytagging: idk do it

[rottmntsimp]

can you do donnie x reader who frequently makes him hand-made gifts? Like jackets, crocheted hats, baked treats, paintings, etc.

Handicraft

Pairing(s): Donnie x Gift Giver!Reader A/N: See how I got this request done the day it was requested, since I chose to write it as headcanons, but I'm struggling to post the oneshot that's been in the drafts for a month 💀 Anyways, I think it's pretty clear I love talking about love languages NDKJSDKS

Donnie

💜 - Oh boy, am I gonna have fun with this one >:] (FYI I'm gonna dig into Donnie's love languages a bit)

💜 - OK so, as you might know, gift giving is one of the 5 main love languages, alongside many other minor ones

💜 - And I think we can all collectively agree, that gift giving is definitely Donnie's number one love language

💜 - He struggles with verbally showing appreciation [words of affirmation] and sometimes has difficulties with physical contact [physical touch]

💜 - So, my boy's gonna have to find another way to show his affection

💜 - And in comes the gift giving <3

💜 - Ok ok, onto you!

💜 - In my opinion, his reaction, well more specifically his thought process, might vary depending on how deep into the relationship you start making him things

💜 - Early on? Well, he'll gladly take them, maybe even just store it away somewhere safe if its something more long lasting, like idk a bracelet

💜 - Might be shy about wearing it in public

💜 - Ok well maybe not shy, more like embarrassed...of his brothers' teasing-

💜 - But if you're further along the line, then hell yeah

💜 - He'd wear any clothing and/or accessories you made with pride (as long as they're the right materials and don't get in his way or irritate his skin in anyway)

💜 - He don't care what his brothers have to say, cuz at this point, he's used to it

💜 - Can and will show off your stuff to the others

💜 - If you ever draw him anything or make him like a little clay figurine or something

💜 - You bet it's going straight to the shelf. Which one you ask? Well, only the one with the limited edition Jupiter Jim action figure, of course-

💜 - He makes sure it somewhere up high enough to not be damaged incase one of his inventions go haywire, but close enough so that if he's ever feeling down or unmotivated, he can just take a quick peek at it and BOOM- he's back, baby!

💜 - If you're the artsy kind, and you like to make stickers, oh lord-

💜 - If y'all have been together for a while, then he's probably going to let you stick a few here and there on bridge of his goggles, and maybe the little thing on his battle shell where it's on his shoulders? Straps? Idk man-

💜 - Now if you're the kind who likes to bake and/or cook, things get a little trickier

💜 - If it's something that suits his palette, then hell yeah, he might munch on it sometime outside the lab (No eating in labs kids)

💜 - But if it doesn't, don't worry these aren't going to waste

💜 - He'll give them to his brothers, Splinter, or even April if she's around

💜 - He'll make sure to stress that fact that he still appreciates it. I mean, you two could be in his lab, and he might be like, "I appreciate the cookies, by the way. I'll make sure my brothers send their regards after they've finished shoveling the remains into their mouths-"

💜 - And later, you two could be gaming together, and he might just pipe up and be like "Oh yeah, I appreciate you taking time out of your day to bake something for my brothers and I-"

💜 - Oh and expect him to make some stuff for you too

💜 - Gadgets, fidget toys, you name it

💜 - If it's tech, it's yours, love

💜 - By y'all's one year anniversary, expect to have a drawer, if not, a full set of shelves, filled with all the things he's given/made for you

💜 - I mean, you didn't expect him to not reciprocate, no? <3

--

Taglist! (DM, ask, comment, or ask in tags if you wanna be added!!)

@lemme-be-cringe-damnit @sleepytime-fics @ray-of-midnight-storm @hamthepan @charismakat

[elijahkelly]

2/12/2023

3:04am. I'm laying here trying to sleep but my brain won't shut off. Didn't take melatonin tonight so my body is probably struggling to put itself to sleep without help.

Had a moment where I did not feel safe. Small panic attack, I was feeling very distressed, like I was in danger. It was very reminiscent of the feeling I associated with laying in bed in one of mom's old apartments late at night, Scooby Doo playing on the tv, and all of a sudden the room got really bright as a truck pulled up and parked, it's headlights shining right through the window. I felt very unsafe then, and I felt that way tonight.

Going home tomorrow. Or today, I guess. Haven't been home since my sister, brother in law, niece, two nephews, and their dog moved out of my dad's house. I have to go fill out a thing so my dad can file my taxes, Dylan needs to get his new car tags from his parents, and I want to go see my sister's new house.

My mind has been coming back to how much things have changed a lot recently. Thinking about how I used to see my family almost every day, now I'm lucky if I see them more than once a month. I used to work cleaning the gym back at home, now I'm a part-time manager of a sub-division of my department, part-time drag queen who has almost completed their bachelors in Psychology. So many people I used to know are like strangers to me, and I've met so many amazing new people. Like Osvaldo.

Ozzy is very important in my life right now. He helps to distinguish the relationships the "old me" formed from the relationships the "new me" has formed. He's quickly become one of my best friends. We talk about everything, hang out a lot, and poke fun at each other all the time. He reminds me that I do bring something to the table that gives me value enough to keep around. He's my favorite person that I've met since I started college. He helps me retain my childhood through interests we share, while also helping me to grow up. We smoked weed together recently, and it was my first time smoking real weed before. I got to do it with him and it was a real bonding moment.

In case you haven't noticed, if anyone's reading this, I kinda just let my mind wander and say what it wants to.

I need to talk about the future, because I'm scared of it and I need to rationalize it. Starting with school. I have less than three semesters of college left, and I have hardly a clue what I want to do after that. I've played with the idea of grad school, getting my masters so I don't have to have a space between. If I can get all of my school business out of the way, that'd be ideal. But what about a job? I don't know what I want to do or how I'm going to do it, which is horrifying. And I'm running out of time. Dylan's going through a similar thought process at the moment.

It feels like Dylan and I are in a weird space right now. Our relationship feels "gray," and that's the best way I can describe it. I love him, I know that I do, but I think I'm getting bored. I love him to death, and I don't want to lose him, but I feel constrained. I never had a real dating phase of my life. Yeah, relationships would come and go, but before Dylan I had never been in a relationship for more than a month. Now we've just passed two years and I'm so happy for that. But, in all honesty, a small part of me feels kinda robbed of the experience of dating in college, figuring things out, adventuring. He's my only sexual partner I've ever had, so I don't know if the sex we're having is good or if there's something I'm missing. I pined for him the first four years I knew him, so it's essentially like we've been dating for six years. And maybe it's supposed to feel this way, but it feels like we've hit a slump. Nothing really interesting is going on. Idk, I'm not sure if I'm experiencing a normal part of relationships or what, but I know for certain that I don't want Dylan to go anywhere.

I feel an intense feeling inside that something tragic is going to happen to me. I have had this feeling for a long time. Part of me believes I'm going to get cancer. Another part of me sees a potential future where I die relatively soon, like in the next few years. Yes, I know that's possible for everyone, but something in my head says that it'll definitely happen to me. I've thought about it so much that I now feel a combination of fear and calmness about it. Not like I've accepted my fate, but it has motivated me to live my life purposefully and not get too wrapped up in silly things that don't matter. I've made it a goal to have fun, enjoy my time on earth while I have it, and live one day at a time. But there's still that feeling...

I don't know why but I feel overdue for tragedy. Every couple months or so, something devastating happens to throw a wrench in the works. Back in November, we had to put down my childhood dog, Jet. We had him since I was five (15 years) and it was like losing my best friend. But that was four months ago, so it feels like something new and awful could happen at any moment. Not that I want it to, of course, but if we're following the trend of my life, something new should've happened by now to ruin my life.

Anyways, I feel like I've talked my brain down to potentially get some sleep. I hope so, because I have a lot of driving ahead of me tomorrow.

Thank you for reading this, whoever you are. If you're me from the future, I hope you're well. I hope the bad things I expect to happen have the grace to hold off, for your sake (and mine). If you aren't me, I wonder how you found this. I don't plan to disclose the existence of these posts to anyone until the absolute last possible moment so there's something to look back on and peek into my conscience throughout my life. So if you aren't me and you're reading this, did something happen to me? And if you're someone who knows/knew and loves/loved me, thank you. The people who I value most in my life are the source of my vitality and drive. If I was alone, I probably would've ended it a long long time ago. But hopefully I leave a good impact on the people in my life for the rest of the time I have. I'm getting caught up in my head again.

I'm tired as fuck, I hope it isn't hard to fall asleep. Goodnight.

[saeyoungs-angel]

Hey lovely, if you don’t have too many asks id like to request shota or denki with a partner that struggles with depression, mainly with taking care of them selves in this. like hygiene, getting out of bed or doing anything really. denki or shota help them do little things that. i think you know what i mean so just write it how ever you want or don’t, if you are uncomfortable with this.

⨳​ punctilious — mha

starring. aizawa & you

plot. you may think you’re slick, but your boyfriend pays attention to everything. this includes the lack of care that you’ve shown yourself, recently.

genre. comfort, fluff

cw. mentions of depressive episodes and depressive behaviors

notes. god i am so sorry it took me so long to get to this, my writers block is so fuckin bad rn but i managed to finish it! i hope u see this since i cant tag u and idk if ur following me but if u do then i hope u enjoy it:)

likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! <3

𓆩☆𓆪

“(y/n), this is the fourth day in a row that you’ve slept in so late.”

you grumble in your half-asleep state, swiftly snatching the blanket he had so rudely stolen from over you. you tuck it back underneath your weary arms and roll away from aizawa.

huffing, you reply in a slurry manner. “tired, shota. didn’t get enough sleep.”

he hums, tilting above you to reach your furrowed eyebrows—he softly thumbs the crease forming in between them.

“stop that, you’ll look old.” he chides, feeling a bit hopeless with your attitude. he knows very well that your sleeping pattern has been through the ringer this past week, and he also knows he can’t force you to fix it.

that said, he still stubbornly wants to try.

“hey, sweetheart. if you get up now, we’ll go to a cat cafe. how’s that sound?”

your eyes fly open, only to dim moments after.

“not feelin’ it today, sorry sho.”

now, aizawa isn’t surprised by much, but this? this has him reeling on the inside. you never turn down an invite to a cafe, let alone one filled with cats.

something is amiss, definitely. though he’d like to speak with you about it directly, he’s worried that you’ll close yourself off even more—it’s not like you never confide in him, but you’re obviously keeping something from him.

he decides to let you rest, offering him enough time to consider his options.

when the sun begins to set, aizawa grows concerned. why are you sleeping so late now? with only solicitous thoughts of you clouding his mind, he shuffles quickly towards your shared bedroom.

creaking the door open, he finds the lights still untouched. “sweetheart?”

his eyes adjust, tracing the outline of your face that’s illuminated by your phone light—which isn’t very bright, probably because you’ve been in the dark all day long.

“hm? oh, sorry. i got stuck on social media.” you end your excuse with a light laugh, not even inching to shut of the device while your eyes lay on him.

he shakes his head and dismisses your words, moving to seat himself on the edge of the bed closest to you. he grasps your hand in his, smiling at you in concern.

“you haven’t been out of the room today, you know? it’s eight o’clock already.”

his voice brings silence with it, you averting your eyes as you can sense what’s ahead of you. scrolling on your phone, you distract yourself unsuccessfully.

“is there something you want to tell me?”

your scrolling pauses for a brief moment, just before you regain yourself and continue. your heart is by your feet and you have no idea where you should take the conversation now.

“i’m—i, uh. fuck, sho. i’m having trouble, alright? that’s all, and i’ll be okay in time. don’t worry about me, please.”

the last sentence drops from your lips and aizawa worries more than ever—those words always come from someone that needs to be worried about.

“quit it. i’m here to help you, not scold you or something. i’m your boyfriend, (y/n), not your mother. i can’t do anything if you refuse my help, but i’m asking you to let me help you.”

your scrolling doesn’t pause this time, it ceases completely. you shut off your phone, the room dimming before you reach for the lamp and switch it on. your vision is a bit blurry and you’re trembling ever-so-slightly, but you respond.

“okay.” with a shaky voice, you nod your head in extra confirmation.

aizawa’s lips turn upwards just lightly, “then it’s a deal. just one more thing, though. i need you to work with me, you have to try, alright? i’ll be here with you for every step, but i need you here as well.”

that’s how it started, you and aizawa both working to turn your episode upside down. two is better than one, right?

“hey, time to get up. i gave you an extra hour, so i expect a kiss after you shower and brush your teeth.”

you sneer, hating the fact that he knows you would’ve preferred to stay in bed and skip those things.

“why not now?” your tone is playful, yet he answers you honestly.

“because it’ll also be a reward for you, sweetheart. now get up, we’re going for coffee.”

the moment the toothpaste reaches your mouth, you gag lightly. after some time without tasting it, the feeling it leaves on your tongue is unfamiliar—aizawa is immediately by your side, brushing his teeth with you.

staring at him through the wide mirror, you smile to yourself. having someone next to you doing the exact same thing effortlessly may not be super comforting, but as he smiles back towards you the world seems just a bit brighter.

he snags your attention through the reflective surface, pointing from you to himself. your eyes leer on him as he counts on his fingers to a certain number, then switches his toothbrush to the other side. he wants you to repeat it, that much you can tell.

as you follow his actions, you turn it into a tiny game for yourself. thirty seconds, done. thirty seconds, done. thirty seconds, done. thirty seconds, aaand completely done.

“that wasn’t so hard, right angel?” he smiles down at you as you flip him off sarcastically.

“actually, it’s easier than i remember it. that might be because you’re here, though.”

critical hit, 98 damage dealt to shota aizawa!

𓆩☆𓆪

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