#idk hannibal don’t ask me about that

[lilgynt]

birthdays haven’t been too bad the last few years but with picking my dad up from rehab last year i’ve been getting antsy about it again and my work is gonna leave balloons and a note on my desk and i do work that day and i thought i had the saving grace of my brother doing a thing with me the DAY after but due to work things were now doin it on the day and it’s just looming closer and closer 😰

[1mlostnow]

𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠!

Hello! I’m Evan and this is my intro post (the third one, I redo them a lot).

[spotify] [poetry insta] [wall of text] [tone tag list]

I’m a guy, I use he/him, and I’m queer :3

I am a minor!!! Anyone can interact but I’d prefer that if you’re 18+ you don’t do asks or DM me.

EvanRadio : @evan-radio - Tune in!! ★

Writing and poetry : @1mfoundnow

House MD ask blog (Stevie) : @head-of-forensics

House MD ask blog (Gabi) : @plastic-surgeon-gabi

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Some basic information ⇨

Blue text is primary information or things I’d like to bring attention to, highlighted headers refer to the entire section (ie : My Resume)

I absolutely love nicknames, you can call me Ev or something completely different.

Obviously no discrimination of any kind, cringe culture is dead and I’d love to learn more about anything you know about.

Please please please interact. Feel free to do asks do anons reply to my posts, anything really. For the most part I’d prefer if you didn’t DM me just because those situations tend to be uncomfortable for me, but if you really want to, go ahead

ALSO I don’t get out a lot and I love interacting with people :))

If you wanna read any of my writing/poetry, it’s posted on my IG which is the same as my tumblr :333

I love my mutuals to death and I mean it when I say you’re my friends ♡︎

I do appreciate it if you could use tone indicators with me, but you don’t have to!

Uhh some assorted facts -> mbti : intj-t, I’m a Leo (idk the sun and moon stuff), I’m from America, more specifically the Midwest (CDT time zone)

Typically online from 8AM-1AM CDT but this fluctuates and will change soon.

My Resume ⇨

★ CEO of Losers Inc.

★ Weird kid since day 1

★ I’m a professional ghostbuster

★ Supervillain (for the outfits)

★ Midwestern Cowboy (fun, not cop)

★ OG test subject (I was in a jar with sticks and leaves and a few holes in the lid)

EvanRadio Tunes ⇨

AJJ, Arctic Monkeys, boygenius, Bright Eyes, Bug Hunter, Cage The Elephant, Car Seat Headrest, Crywank, David Bowie, girl in red, Gorillaz, Green Day, Hospital Bracelet, ICP, Lemon Demon, Lord Huron, Los Campesinos!, Modern Baseball, MCR, Pat The Bunny, Radiohead, Rex Orange County, Ricky Montgomery, Tally Hall, Tame Impala, TFB, The Lumineers, The Neighborhood, The Smiths, The Velvet Underground, TV Girl, Vundabar, Weezer, Will Wood, Will Wood and The Tapeworms, Wingnut Dishwashers Union, and more.

A Guide To Tags ⇨

#evan speaks -> I am very chatty. I love to talk. One day I’ll drop the 50 random drafts // #evan rants -> I love to talk about things that upset me. This will often be politics but it varies // #evan draws -> my art!! I draw and do digital art // #evan writes -> self explanatory, I write some stuff. I post it on my ig too if you wanna see that, it’s the same as my tumblr // #evan can’t vote -> strictly for politics, I am a minor but i encourage everyone to vote if they can // #i love my mutuals -> I love my mutuals :3

Hobbies ⇨

★ I occasionally crochet

★ I love to read and write

★ I play the alto sax in marching band

★ I love art

★ Music <333

Shows and movies ⇨

Supernatural, Sherlock, House MD, Dead Poets Society, My Babysitters A Vampire, Ghostbusters, Velvet Goldmine, The Truman Show, Goonies, Stand By Me, Scooby Doo, Homestuck, Hannibal, Saw, Good Omens, IT 2017, Over The Garden Wall, and more.

Kinnie List ⇨

★ Sherlock Holmes -> Sherlock

★ Castiel -> Supernatural

★ Steven Meeks -> DPS

★ Richie Tozier -> IT 2017

★ Teddy Duchamp -> Stand By Me

★ Truman Burbank -> The Truman Show

★ Egon Spengler -> Ghostbusters

★ Rory Keaner -> MBAV

Primary Fandoms ⇨

Supernatural, DPS, Sherlock, Homestuck, House MD, Ghostbusters

Some other facts ⇨

- I love my car #TOMATER supremacy

- I like to do little drawings sometimes, especially of my mutuals

- Once again I love my mutuals so much

- Richard Cameron Defender for life

- I change my blog theme frequently

- I have adhd

- if u ever draw anything for me I’ll love u forever

- THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING (6x20) IS THE BEST SPN EPISODE AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ON IT

- I have a tendency to see notifs and forget to reply so if that happens just @ me, I promise I’m not ignoring you

Drawings from ping!! ⇧

Drawings from me ⇩

A note ⇨

Intro post will likely be edited often as well :))

Dead Poets Society ⇨

@pingunaa @ghostboyhood @wordssricochet @meekspeaks @lv3buzzz @yourfavvgal @poetsinnyc @apparitiongnostic @asclexe @lefthandedspaghetti @midwest-quill @notcatseatheadrest @wilsons-three-legged-siamese @de4d-poet-kisser @alightelixe

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐨𝐨𝐧, 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭.

[defectivevillain]

this broken design, ch5

summary: “Dr. Lecter?” You blink a few times, convinced that you’re dreaming. The man’s gleaming eyes and concerned expression seem a bit too realistic to be conjured by your sleeping mind, though. You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen him look worried. You quickly decide that you don’t like it.

“Hannibal, please,” the doctor responds nonchalantly. You stare at him in utter confusion. Just what is happening right now? You thought you were dreaming, but this feels a bit too vivid. “What are you doing out here?”

read from the beginning here! [this won’t make much sense, otherwise]

[ao3 version]

notes: I privated my ao3 account so that only registered users can see it... since all the ai stuff has been going on and I'd rather be safe than sorry.... I'm not sure how many ppl follow with the series here on Tumblr, but I figured I'd post it here too, in case any of you don’t have an ao3 account... [I posted this a bit ago on ao3, so apologies for the tardiness]

the gif above is so funny. the lil head tilt is killing me, idk. 

warnings: panic attack, self harm (digging nails into skin), franklyn having zero boundaries

You’re in Hannibal’s home again. You really need to have more self-preservation—you’re practically a gift-wrapped murder victim here. Although, he hasn’t killed you yet. Maybe you’ll be fine. Perhaps you aren’t as rude as you thought you were. The thought amuses you.

Inexplicably, as you’re speaking with Hannibal, he asks you to accompany him to the opera. The request is so unexpected that it takes you several moments to realize you heard him correctly. Hannibal stares at you expectantly and you take a deep breath.

“You realize I don’t know the first thing about opera,” you remark apprehensively. “Surely there are far better choices than me.” Doesn’t he have acquaintances that are more suited for this type of outing? You’re certain you would look extremely out of place amidst the typical visitors. Surely, Hannibal knows that he will put his reputation at risk by bringing you along. You try to convey those sentiments in the eye contact you’re currently maintaining with the man, but he doesn’t seem dissuaded in the slightest.

“You are my friend and I want to spend time with you,” Hannibal states easily. You envy his ability to be so straightforward with his thoughts and feelings. “Is that really so strange?”

“I suppose not,” you frown. Fond of breaking doctor-patient boundaries, are we, Dr. Lecter? You dispel the thought. Admittedly, from the first moment you interacted with Hannibal, you knew he would be more than a psychiatrist. You’re happy to consider him a close friend now.

“Are you amenable?” Hannibal then asks, just before you can zone out and lose focus.

“When is it?” You ask, despite knowing that you don’t have much going on this week anyway.

“Tomorrow night,” Hannibal answers. You raise an eyebrow.

“Rather late notice,” you say, if only to make him sweat a bit. Of course, Hannibal’s perfectly crafted mask remains in place. “Did your date cancel on you?” Hannibal’s eyebrows furrow and he crosses his arms over his chest. You decide to take pity on him and stop messing around.

“I’m just kidding,” you interject with a grin. It’s kind of fun to see how much you can push Hannibal around. You get the feeling that no one really questions him. It’s amusing to see him scramble for an explanation, even though the effort is perfectly rehearsed. “I think I’m free; I’d love to go. You just may have to deal with my complete ignorance when it comes to opera music.”

“I think I’ll survive,” Hannibal smiles. Is he playing along? You raise your eyebrows in surprise. Admittedly, you weren’t expecting that. It’s nice to know that Hannibal can take a joke. 

“Anyway, thank you for inviting me into your home again; I hope I’m not intruding.”

“Of course not,” Hannibal says with a shake of his head, as if the very thought is ludicrous.

“I invited you.” Hannibal then excuses himself for a moment and you take the opportunity to look around his kitchen. You suppress the extremely compelling urge to look through his drawers—you know what you’ll find and you’re certain you don’t want to see it. Instead, you let your eyes rove over the polished cabinets and clean counters. Just before you can lose interest, your gaze falls on the rolodex. Interest peaking, you decide to walk towards it.

It appears the rolodex holds business cards of people Hannibal has met. You idly flip through the rolodex, needing something to occupy your restless hands. A few of the names are (unsurprisingly) ones you recognize. It takes you a few moments of observation to realize just what purpose this rolodex serves. It appears this is a list of potential murder victims. Flipping through the various business cards, you don’t see a common denominator. “Whenever feasible, one should always try to eat the rude,” Hannibal had told you once. On second thought, these business cards are probably people that Hannibal has determined to be rude. You go through the names with renewed interest. A few of them are rather fancy. One even looks remarkably close to yours. You move to the next one before a breath catches in your chest and you find yourself returning to the one that caught your eye.

The business card is extremely similar to yours—same color and font. You squint at it, heart racing in your chest as you look at the name written on it. It must be another government agent, surely. You all have similar, standard-issue business cards. You just hope it isn’t any of your acquaintances. You’re expecting to see anyone from Jack Crawford to Alana Bloom. You close your eyes for a moment, before finally giving in and reading the name. It’s… It’s your name.

You stare at the card in disbelief. Where did Hannibal get your business card? It has your name, phone number, email address… It even has your office location at headquarters. You swallow past the trepidation building in your core. You can’t quite stop the choked laugh that escapes your lips. You let your guard down. You had foolishly hoped that maybe, just maybe, things would be different. You let your guard down and, now, your name rests amidst the names of current and future Ripper victims.

“Is everything alright?” The timing could not be worse. Hannibal walks in as you’re looking at the rolodex and you quickly turn around, trying to shield it from his view. You’re not sure what expression is on your face, but it must be suitably harrowed, because his face twists in concern—mock concern, your mind supplies. “You look rather shaken.”

“Yes, of course,” you answer. It takes every ounce of practice you’ve accumulated to keep the fear from your voice. You sound slightly flat, but you’re convinced that you’ve mostly concealed your true feelings. “Apologies, Dr. Lecter. I think I’d better get going.”

You can tell that Hannibal is suspicious, but you don’t give him the chance to ask you about it—instead deigning to murmur a quick goodbye and walk out to your car. You’re infinitely grateful that you had the foresight to drive yourself. You’re not sure that you would’ve had the energy to maintain your composure in Hannibal’s company.

You wait until you’re a sufficient distance from Hannibal’s home to sag in your seat and sigh heavily. You’d been growing too big of an ego. Hannibal is the Chesapeake Ripper. The two of you are friends and you foolishly assumed that your friendship gave you immunity. Clearly, that isn’t the case. You need to remember yourself, remember that the composed dinner host you often sit across from is a practiced killer. One false move and you’re dead. Once you get home, you spend the remainder of the evening in an anxious and paranoid haze. It takes you a while to fall asleep that night and, when you do, the Ripper follows you into your dreams.

The next morning, you receive a text from Hannibal—which includes the details of the opera and what time he plans to pick you up. It takes you several moments to ground yourself in reality and remember that Hannibal isn’t aware of your knowledge that he’s the Ripper. Once you collect your composure, you insist that you can drive yourself—but he waves off the suggestion and maintains that he’ll drive. Admittedly, now that you’re thinking about it, you don’t have the slightest clue what to wear. You’ve never really been to an opera performance before, and you can only imagine what the people in attendance will be wearing. You have no idea where to begin searching for an outfit. Your closet isn’t exactly the best.

Eventually, you swallow your pride and text Hannibal. He knows you’re not sophisticated, you think to yourself. Asking him for help isn’t that embarrassing. In fact, you’d rather ask and lose a bit of dignity than try to puzzle it out on your own [and fail miserably.] Hannibal is quick to respond—almost as if he had been expecting the question—and says that he’ll bring clothes for you. You immediately have several objections to that, but they fall on determined ears. You regret asking, now.

A few hours later, there’s a quiet knock on your door. You open the door to find Hannibal waiting on your doorstep, folded clothing in hand. You shake your head in exasperation and let him in. “Thank you,” you say, taking the clothes he’s extending out to you. You still feel the need to try to argue one more time. “I could’ve found something on my own.”

Hannibal looks you up and down, in a manner that makes you feel extremely self conscious. You aren’t exactly wearing the fanciest clothing right now, but that’s only because you knew you’d be changing. “Doubtful,” Hannibal remarks. You glare at him, only to find his lips twisted in that slightly amused smirk. You roll your eyes.

“I’m going to change,” You then realize that this is the first time that Hannibal has been in your home. He’s driven you many times, but he’s never gotten out of the car before. “Feel free to explore, I guess.” You’re struck with the sudden mundane feeling of shame, as you recognize how much less luxurious your home is. Hannibal doesn’t seem to mind, though, as he starts to walk around and look at things. Meanwhile, you head to the bathroom.

Once you place the clothes on the bathroom counter, you’re once again realizing that you’re out of your depth. The outfit he’s given you is extremely lavish: an extravagant suit with dress pants. Upon further examination, you realize that he even gave you an undershirt. You push aside all the strange, conflicting feelings you have about wearing clothes your psychiatrist provided you. The clothes even smell very strongly of Hannibal’s cologne. It takes all of your resistance not to cough once you put them on. You’re not very fond of fragrances to begin with, since they often give you headaches. But, you know you have no right to complain. It was extremely generous of Hannibal to lend you clothing, and you don’t plan to disrespect the gesture by complaining about his cologne. You put on the rest of the clothing and assess yourself in the mirror. You look rather good, you have to admit. Of course, it’s all due to Hannibal’s clothing. You take a moment to brush your teeth again before walking back out into the main area of the house, where Hannibal seems to be looking at your decorations with a keen eye. He turns around upon hearing you enter and, for a long moment, the two of you stare at each other in silence. 

Inexplicably, Hannibal breaks the distance between you and reaches out. Your heart is racing in your chest but you manage to remain still. He fiddles with your collar for a moment before stepping back, apparently satisfied with his work. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

“Better?” You ask sardonically.

“Much,” Hannibal remarks. “Shall we?” He holds out an arm and you scoff. Hannibal freezes and you do, too. Shit. You hadn’t meant to scoff aloud. You compensate by putting your hand on his arm and he sends you a smile that is almost… fond. You immediately disregard that notion.

The drive to the opera house is enjoyable. Hannibal is one of the few people that you feel comfortable enough to share silence with. You don’t feel the need to constantly fill the air and, so, you spend most of the ride staring out the window and looking at the trees. Before long, Hannibal is pulling into a parking space and the two of you are ascending the stairs leading to the opera house. The building is rather grand, with beautiful towering pillars and elegant statues decorating the path to the entrance. When you enter, you’re unsurprised to see Hannibal’s mask slide neatly into place.

Evidently, Hannibal has been here before, because he navigates the opera house with practiced ease. There are several people that greet him upon his entrance, and he smiles and sends them a courteous wave. You idly wonder if he truly likes any of these people, or if he merely tolerates them. As you continue to walk in, you’re brutally aware of the gazes searing into your back. You’re sure that Hannibal will be the talk of the town soon enough—you get the feeling he never brings people to these kinds of events. Indeed, he seems the type to want to appreciate art in solitude. You debate asking him once more if he’s okay with being seen with you here. Within a few moments, you’re finally in the area where the performance is scheduled to occur. Hannibal leads you to your seats—which are in one of the balconies—and you can’t suppress your thoughts any longer. Thankfully, it seems no one else has found their seats in your section just yet.

“You realize how this looks, right?” You finally ask. Hannibal sends a curious glance at you and you refuse to acknowledge how handsome he looks right now. You avert your eyes for a moment, instead watching as the people below file into their seats. “Everyone thinks that I’m…  you know.” Hannibal continues to stare at you with a blank expression. Damn it, is he really going to make you explain it? You try to push past your embarrassment and remain professional. “I think they’re under the impression that we’re… dating.”

“The thought makes you uncomfortable,” Hannibal states, crossing one leg over the other. That must be why he chose these seats—he probably needs the legroom. The people below are milling about, talking with one another. You’re grateful that these seats are isolated from everyone else—there’s no expectation for you to talk to anyone.

“No, it doesn’t,” you clarify, wondering how he justified that leap in logic. “Besides, if anyone’s reputation is going to be at risk, it’ll be yours.”

“I appreciate your concern,” Hannibal says, something akin to amusement on his face. You’re not sure what he’s finding so amusing—you don’t think your statement was far-fetched or unreasonable. From the moment you walked in, you noticed quite a few people staring at Hannibal and you. They seemed to be making their own conclusions about the two of you; you just wanted to warn him. “I am not worried about my reputation.”

“You think your reputation won’t be affected?” You squint at him, trying to watch for a reaction. “...Or you just don’t care?” Your companion is silent for a moment.

“I was under the impression that I was the psychiatrist here,” Hannibal then remarks lightly. He sends you a look and you feel a momentary inkling of shame.

“Sorry,” you grimace. Hannibal’s lips quirk at the sides—a sign that he isn’t truly upset about your sudden psychoanalysis. You feel the need to justify your reaction regardless. “It’s easy to slip into the criminal profiling mindset sometimes,”

You spend the next several minutes having lighthearted conversation. It’s rather nice. The theater slowly begins to fill up until, finally, the lights dim and someone appears on the stage. To your surprise, the performance is rather enjoyable. You must be rather horrible at hiding your preconceptions, because Hannibal sends you a knowing look after the first song. You pretend not to notice the smugness radiating off the man, and instead focus on the singer. They’re quite talented, unsurprisingly. You’re not quite sure how much the tickets were, but judging from your surroundings, you’d guess they were rather expensive.

You take advantage of the brief intermission in the middle of the program to use the facilities. Once you’re finished, you move to go back into the theatre. However, there’s suddenly a hand grabbing your shoulder and you’re forcefully guided into a deserted hallway. You chance a glance over your shoulder, only to find a far too familiar patient of Dr. Lecter’s: Franklyn Froideveaux.

“Franklyn,” you remark, feeling extremely apprehensive once you recognize him. The man is wearing a three-piece suit again, but this time it’s eerily similar to something Hannibal might wear. You frown at the thought. Franklyn’s obsession with Dr. Lecter is really rather creepy. If Hannibal weren’t such a capable killer, perhaps you’d be worried for him.

“I saw you with Dr. Lecter,” Franklyn states matter-of-factly. He crowds you against the wall and you have to lean back against it to avoid touching him. The look in the man’s eyes is unnerving. It sends a shiver down your spine. There’s nothing in his irises except madness.

“Yes,” you respond, once you realize that Franklyn is awaiting an answer. You don’t tell him that Hannibal invited you, but he seems to come to that conclusion on his own.

“What did he do?” Franklyn asks. “Did he hold the car door open for you? What cologne does he wear? I have a few ideas but I can’t decide between them.” You feel your head begin to ache at his persistent badgering. You’re deeply unsettled by him.

“What’s it like being friends with Dr. Lecter?” He continues. Franklyn doesn’t even give you a chance to respond, as he continues rattling off questions. “Is he a good friend? Do you two spend time together?”

“Um-” You try to say, only for Franklyn to stop mid-tirade. His eyes quickly lock on the suit you’re wearing and you grit your teeth. This is easily one of the most uncomfortable interactions you’ve ever had, and it isn’t even over yet. You flinch as he puts a hand on your shoulder.

“That’s not your clothing,” Franklyn remarks, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. His fingers dig into your shoulder and you wince. His grip is beginning to hurt; you think you may have bruises later. “You're wearing something Dr. Lecter gave you.”

“No, I’m not,” you try to argue, well aware that your voice doesn't sound very convincing.

“Yes, you are,” Franklyn asserts, not indicating that he’s hearing you or even seeing you. His eyes are glazed and it almost seems as if he’s looking directly through you. “He gave you clothes. Why? What does he see in you?”

Ouch. That hurts for a microsecond, before you then realize that Franklyn’s opinion bears absolutely no relevance to your life. You want to speak on those thoughts, but there’s a crazed look in the man’s eyes and you decide to stay silent. Franklyn seems to take your silence as an argument itself, though, because his hand tightens on your shoulder rather painfully. You try to shove him off, but the man’s grip is unyielding.

A familiar voice calls your name from further down the hallway. You squint, only to find Hannibal walking towards the two of you. There’s an inexplicable expression on his face, and you can’t even begin to dissect it.

“Hannibal,” you breathe, unable to hide the relief you feel at his presence. Franklyn finally releases his grip on you and you reach a hand up to massage your shoulder. The man’s attention is off of you now, thankfully.

“I presumed you to be lost, but I see that notion is incorrect,” Hannibal says, his gaze flitting about your face as if looking for any sign of distress. He then looks at Franklyn, disinterest and boredom evident in his expression. Of course, Franklyn doesn’t care to notice it. He sees what he wants to see, you think to yourself. “What is going on here? Franklyn?”

Franklyn looks to you expectantly, as if waiting for you to lie for him. You instead remain silent. You know that, right now, telling the truth will unnecessarily escalate the situation. Besides, your exhaustion is starting to catch up with you and you can’t find the energy to continue the conversation.

“We were just having a friendly conversation.” Franklyn answers. Hannibal looks to you for confirmation and you avert your eyes. Meanwhile, Franklyn seems to be falling over himself in an attempt to secure Hannibal’s attention. “Dr. Lecter, it’s so nice to see you here,” Franklyn says, his voice a far cry from the manic lunacy from before. The sudden change is rather dizzying. This man is suffocating to be around. “You know, I thought this might be your kind of place. I was just speaking to your friend here…”

You place a hand on your temple, beginning to get a migraine from the sheer burst of emotions surrounding Franklyn. Your skills in criminal profiling typically allow you to get a sense of other people’s feelings. At worst, you can get a trace of what they feel. Right now, however, you feel every emotion Franklyn is exuding, and it’s enough to make your vision grainy and fuzzy. He continues prattling on, but all you can sense is the horrible flood of obsession, jealousy, and a visceral desire so palpable that it makes you nauseous.

You put a hand to the wall behind you, feeling the need to brace yourself against something. Everything in the background falls to a dull buzzing rhythm—Franklyn’s giddy conversation with Hannibal, the muted sound of the performance that you can hear through the walls. You close your eyes and beg for the torture to stop. Maybe Franklyn will take pity on you and walk away. Maybe Hannibal will lose his patience and walk away, too—you wouldn’t be surprised.

Suddenly, there’s a hand on your forearm. You vaguely register—through swirling vision—Hannibal leading you further down the abandoned hallway until he stops and pushes you into an armchair. Despite the overwhelming emotionality that Franklyn practically assaulted you with, you manage to scrounge up a rather large amount of guilt.

“Sorry,” you choke out to Hannibal. Your breathing is still a bit rough and your clothes feel incredibly constricting. You roll up the sleeves of your jacket—well, Hannibal’s jacket—and try to stammer out the rest of your apology. “Feel free to go back inside; I just need a moment.”

You place a hand over your aching temple and another on the arm of the chair. Selfishly, you think that you could use Hannibal’s support, but you don’t want to occupy his attention when the performance is still happening. You close your eyes and try to pretend that your ears aren’t buzzing. You wait to hear his footsteps as he retreats; you wait to hear an acquiescence. A few seconds pass. Instead, there’s a hand on your shoulder.

“Dr. Lecter,” you choke out, your eyes beginning to burn. You wipe at them furiously, despite knowing that the effort is futile. “Go back inside.”

“No,” Hannibal says. You can’t see the expression on his face through your blurred vision—you just pray that it isn’t annoyance or irritation.

“I’ll be fine,” you maintain through gritted teeth. You think you hear Hannibal sigh at that, but it could easily be your imagination. The man looks down at you before pressing a cool hand to your forehead. Despite knowing that he’ll withdraw his hand in a few moments, you can’t help but lean into the touch.

“I’m sure,” Hannibal remarks, pulling you up to your feet and steadying you as your balance wavers. He places your hand on his arm and the two of you walk back in the direction you came. To your surprise, when you reach the door to the theater, Hannibal pivots and leads you towards the exit. You shake your head in disbelief as humiliation, shame, and guilt battle for prominence in your chest. Before long, Hannibal has led the two of you into his car. The moment you’re in his car, you bury your head in your hands.

Everything in your vision feels harsher and sharper. You begin to dig your nails into your palms unconsciously, hoping for some means to establish yourself in reality. You don’t realize you’re doing it until Hannibal reaches out and pries your hands apart. Your hands are trembling ever so slightly and you ball them into fists.

You’re not sure how much time you spend trying to regain your composure in the passenger seat of Hannibal’s car. Dignity is a foreign concept. You’re sure the embarrassment will catch up to you later—perhaps when you’re home and have some time to think.

At some point, Hannibal begins driving. Thankfully, the roads aren’t bumpy and the ride is rather smooth. He’s entirely silent and you feel the beginnings of remorse prickling along your skin. Hannibal never asked you to explain your interaction with Franklyn, but you feel that he deserves to know what happened.

“You realize Franklyn’s in love with you, right?” You blurt out, before quickly turning your head to look out the window and avoid Hannibal’s gaze. Truthfully, you had hoped to lead into that a little bit more. Somehow, that statement was what came from your lips.

“Yes.” Hannibal responds, his eyes still locked on the road. You take the afforded opportunity to look at him, confident in the notion that you aren’t being observed right back. Hannibal seems… entirely unruffled. Then again, he always looks unbothered. You wonder if you’ll ever be able to notice when something bothers him.

“He asked me what cologne you wear,” you decide to start with. You describe how you had tried to make your way back to the theater, only to be stopped by Hannibal’s patient and led off into a secluded hallway. “Franklyn knew that I was wearing your clothes; he also wanted to know what it’s like to be friends with you.”

“What did you say?” Hannibal asks, his attention still focused on the road.

“Nothing; he didn’t let me get a word in edgewise,” you admit. You run a finger along the smooth fabric of your shirt sleeve. Unbeknownst to you, the sleeve had started to roll up on its own; you take a moment to fix that before continuing to speak. “He’s so… suffocating.”

“It seemed his presence was harming you,” Hannibal remarks bluntly. You nod in agreement. At first, the interaction was merely uncomfortable. However, once Hannibal appeared, Franklyn’s emotions hit you with full force.

“I could feel everything,” you break off for a moment. “The love, the obsession, the jealousy, the envy… It was overwhelming. That man is the darkest person I’ve ever met.”

“He isn’t a killer,” Hannibal points out. That’s true—you’ve seen your fair share of killers, with minds so dark that you couldn’t hope to find an escape. Even so, those criminals were… straightforward. Franklyn, on the other hand, is a paradox.

“I know,” you acknowledge. “Franklyn is extremely neurotic, though—arguably the worst I’ve ever seen. It’s stifling. He has debilitating control issues and a crippling urge to prove himself. He’s often a victim of his own envy and jealousy. His self-concept is… I can’t even begin to describe it.” Yet, there’s a thinly-veiled hunger in Hannibal’s eyes—he wants to hear what you have to say. You inhale slowly. Again, you feel as if you owe him for absolutely ruining his night. Besides, you’re sure that he already knows all this information anyway. Franklyn is his patient, after all.

“Franklyn is sort of… a shapeshifter, for lack of a better term. He’ll adjust and change himself to fit the situation best. When he’s in love, he’s dangerously obsessed. His unconventional actions are reassuring to him, though, because they give him a modicum of control—a control that he cannot possess over anything else.” You have a lot more that you could divulge on the matter, but you decide to stop there. Again, you’re convinced that Hannibal already knows all of that.

“I see why you’re Jack’s best profiler,” Hannibal says, finally looking away from the road to look at you. His eyes are glittering in the darkness. You roll your eyes at the unnecessary compliment, too tired to start an argument. To your surprise, when you look out the window, you realize that he’s driving down your street. That car ride had passed rather fast and within a few seconds, Hannibal is pulling into your driveway.

“We’re here,” you announce unnecessarily, grabbing the door handle and stepping out of the vehicle. To your surprise, Hannibal also gets out of the car. You squint at him in confusion, but he doesn’t seem to notice. You’re not quite sure what he’s playing at, but you’re too exhausted to figure it out. Instead of inquiring about his sudden interest in following you inside, you simply allow him to do so before closing the door behind him.

“Do you want this clothing back now?” You ask, unable to come up with any other explanation for his presence in your home. It’s not that you mind his intrusion—not at all, actually—but you’d feel more comfortable with a legitimate reason for his presence.

“If that’s acceptable,” Hannibal answers, breaking you out of your thoughts. His eyes are fixed on something on one of your bookshelves. You shake your head at his strange fascination with your living room decorations.

“Sure, I’ll go change; mind waiting here?” He assures you that he doesn’t mind waiting. You shut the door behind you in the bathroom and stare at yourself in the mirror for a moment. There are dark circles under your eyes and you look a little frazzled. Otherwise, you don’t look bad. Amazingly, you managed not to ruin Hannibal’s clothing—a feat you’re rather proud of yourself for. You settle for changing into a simple long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants. As you change, you neatly fold Hannibal’s clothing into a pile. Once you’re done, you glance at your reflection one more time. You take a half-step backwards but, before you move to leave, your eyes catch on something below your collar. You squint and lean closer to the mirror, convinced that you’re seeing things. Somehow, though, you’re not. After a moment’s hesitation, you pull your shirt collar to the side, only to find harsh marks on your collarbone and shoulder. They’re almost in the shape of a handprint and it doesn’t take much detective work to realize who they’re from—Franklyn.

That realization is not very welcome, and you decide not to think about it right now. Remembering that Hannibal is waiting on you, you grab the folded pile of clothes and walk back out to the living room. Unsurprisingly, Hannibal is looking around with a scrutinizing gaze. You walk up to him and hold out the clothes, but his back is turned. You eventually just decide to place them on the entryway table—he’ll have to see them on the way out.

“Thank you for inviting me, it was very fun,” you smile. Hannibal turns around, seemingly just noticing your presence. Just what is he looking for in your humble living room? He certainly won’t find anything of value. Furthermore, your decoration skills are nowhere near his. You can’t find a reasonable explanation for his behavior and, eventually, you have to give up on trying to rationalize it.

“I’m glad you found the night enjoyable,” he answers diplomatically. You raise an eyebrow at the stiff response. Perhaps your little… episode… had annoyed him more than you initially thought. Another apology certainly wouldn’t hurt.

“I hope I didn’t ruin your experience too much,” you wince, sheepishly shoving your hands in your pockets. Hannibal shakes his head, before taking a step closer to you.

“On the contrary, I found the performance more enjoyable with your company,” he asserts. Hannibal still looks as handsome as he did when he first appeared on your doorstep this evening—not a hair out of place. You swallow hard, before roughly shoving the thought aside—now is not the time. “I apologize for Franklyn.” Your eyebrows furrow. Why is he apologizing?

“You can’t control his actions,” you say, waving his concern off. “No harm done.” At that, Hannibal’s expression darkens. He takes another step closer, until the two of you are standing face to face. For a while, there is nothing but tense, uncomfortable silence.

“I disagree,” Hannibal says darkly, his hand resting lightly on your collarbone. Before you can protest, he’s gently pushing away the collar of your shirt to look at your shoulder. He frowns and you realize that he’s looking at the marks Franklyn left behind. If you had thought his prior expression to be dark, the look on his face now is nothing short of murderous. You feel your breath stalling in your chest, as you ground yourself in the realization that you’re standing in front of a killer with absolutely nothing to protect you. Hannibal moves to cup your cheek with a tenderness you thought him to be incapable of. His touch makes your skin feel licked with flames. Each breath you take feels labored and harsh. You swear you see Hannibal’s gaze fall to your lips for a brief moment, but you put it down to your imagination. It’s kind of late and you’re tired—you’re probably just seeing things. For a long moment, neither of you move or speak.

“Good night,” Hannibal says, a strangely determined expression on his face. His gaze keeps moving to your collarbone and you idly wish you had concealed the marks better. His hand falls from your face and he stares at you for a long moment, as if regretting your parting. You make sure to remind him of the pile of folded clothes, which he takes into his arms before turning around to leave.

“Good night, Hannibal,” you respond, opening the door for him. You watch as he enters his car and drives away. Despite the knowledge that he’s already out of sight, you feel the urge to wait a few more minutes before looking away. Finally, you close the front door and fall back against it, your mind reeling.

chapter six

[sondheim-girly]

yesterday after my show I was talking to a friend who I don’t get to see very often, and they were trying to convince me to watch Hannibal, and they said something asking me about what fandoms I was in on tumblr and I was like “HOW DO U KNOW IM ON TUMBLR” and they were like “it’s pretty obvious…” and idk how to take that lmao

[yourlocalmissingtexture]

Making a list of horror movies & series that feel queer somehow (probably just campy, me reading into shit, or me being gay for the killer idk could be any of those tbh) or are just straight up explicitly queer. Btw by horror I’m including any and all subgenres and stuff that intersects it.

So far I’ve got Saw, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Repo! The Genetic Opera, Cabin in the Woods, Hereditary, Halloween, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Silence of the Lambs, Scream, Black Swan, Warm Bodies (idc if they’re a straight passing couple, zombies are queer allegory fight me), Lisa Frankenstein, Sleepaway Camp, Phantom of the Paradise, Hannibal (series), Jennifer’s Body, I Saw the TV Glow, We’re All Going to the World’s Fair

Stuff in blue I haven’t seen yet & stuff in orange I’ve seen but it’s been so long that I don’t remember much about them so shhh no spoilers please <3

PLEASE RECOMMEND ME STUFF!!!!!

Pleeeeeaaaaseeeee please please!!!! They don’t even have to be queer, I’ll find a way to project onto them regardless :3 all I ask is that they’re good or so bad they’re good. Leave a comment, reblog with tags, leave me an ask, or DM me if you have something in mind!

Edit: I’m updating this whenever I’m recommended something! :D

[iconsumethesoulsofthedamned]

SO ABOUT THE SAW TRAP (im going to try to keep this short bc i guess this thing has a word limit)

I have only ever seen one entire saw film, so this is going to be beyond innacurate.

I still think Kramer would not entrap Hannibal, but as it is I think at the very least he would not want to humiliate him (whatever that means for Kramer). I think he'd follow the Verger fashion, taking Mason's silly Pig Pit and making it even sillier, ex. strapping him horizontally above an even deeper pi -think an elevator, but it only has one way down to a pit of murderous pigs, and instead of calmly going down it just falls until you reach another level/stop- hold on i gotta draw this bc I'm making shit sense.

There. So Kramer would be like, "Okay, pretty boy, is going to take a walk down one of your palace's halls, and you're going to open some doors for me," which translates to he's going to ask questions, Hannibal's gonna answer them. Said answer will be recorded for later to be handed anonymously to the authorities.

In order to avoid Hannibal lying his ass off, of course, he would have installed a lying detector directly into his heart (maybe he opened a hole in his back for it, idk man this is saw). Every time we lie, our heart does that thing hearts do when we lie; since Hannibal can't control his pupils, I'm guessing he can't control his heartbeat either.

Now, he's asked a number of invasive questions (if we had more characters, as it usually is in saw films, Kramer would've most likely made the others read the questions aloud from cards like some sort of macabre TV contest)

He lies, the detector notices, he goes one level down.

He tells the truth; he stays on the same level, but then the authorities would have proof of his barbiest hobbies, and once he gets out of the trap or whatever, it is only a matter of time until he has to either run off or be caught.

He can't choose not to answer. Well, he can, of course, but there's a timer, and once the time runs out, the lying detector on his heart will automatically stop it (this is the " no humiliation" part of the deal. He can choose to just die of a heart attack now, rather than being chewed by pigs or running away to lick his wounds)

This is the shittiest saw trap ever, it probably has one fatal flaw that throws everything out of the window, but I haven't even seen the films, and I am not John Kramer man, I'm, just a girl.

Now, how would Hamball make it out? What would he do? I want to hear your opinion :P

Ok so my idea is that he’d answer really vaugly. He’d tell the truth but in an extremely long winded and complicated way. He has extremely good control over himself and words so he’d just say stuff that was true and answered the question but extremely vaguely.

Then if there was a question he couldn’t successfully just like talk his way out of making sense he’d let it go down.

I also believe he’d be trying buy time.

I think a main goal of his would be time. Wearing the guy down so he could judge his weaknesses and just talking a lot. He also has a need to be in control of the situation so he’d try to get annoying so he could feel like he was getting a one up on them.

I think he’d also count on Will to try and come get him if he could stall for long enough. Hannibal is always under the impression that Will WILL eventually come to his rescue. and if Will could so much as cut Hannibal out of the trap then everyone involved better run.

And for my final and most likely and cannon answer there’s a very good chance that he’d just straight up answer the questions and then count on his manipulation skills to get him out of it when the cops get the answers. Like ‘oh no Jack he forced me to say that ignore the fact that it was a lie detector you just don’t understand’ and with his luck? God damn it it’d probably work.

[hannxgram-headcannons]

Things my Hannibal Kinnie Bf has done this week that SCREAM Hannibal

- didn’t want to work but was forced to…so he called everyone in his contacts and made sure that the only customers for his entire shift were people he knew…and made sure the drive through was so backed up other people were discouraged to come through…and it fucking WORKED

- worked short staffed…like three people including him when normally there are 6/7 working…with two shift managers and HE ended up being in charge…idk how and idk why but his two coworkers even told me that they don’t know what made them listen to him or why he was just suddenly giving orders but…he ended up controlling the entire store for 8 hours when he was only scheduled for 5

- flew to Italy for a weekend because he found a deal online and didn’t even tell me until I called him and happened to ask where he was….then said the words “beloved I’d love to see you bathe in the beauty of the Italian sun, it feels like a different reality I know you’d enjoy”

- lost his voice and filled an entire notebook just saying what he would normally say to me….like ok chatty Kathy

- “accidentally” sent me a nude photograph while I was at my ex’s house (long story)

- while driving to my house his car slid on the ice and he his a tree….legit his airbags went off and he got a cut on his head but he did not care…walked 2 miles in a snow storm to bring me muffins he had made

- LETS see he also spent the ENTIRE fucking week going on and on about Will Graham to me….if I wasn’t basically Will I’d be JEALOUS

[finchers-ipad]

as a fight club and will graham enjoyer, what are your thoughts on ednort’s will graham?

omg i love this ask. listen, i love ed norton when he has good directon, drive and a complex character i think he can give a really great performance. so i don’t know what the fuck he was doing playing will graham. it is one of the most lifeless and straight up boring performances i’ve seen him give WHEN THE CHARACTER IS SO RITCH I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED. his interpretation (as well as the writers and directors, because this can’t be just his fault) is that will is this typical run of the mill straight and driven cop who is stressed out with the tooth fairy case but kind of just because it’s a stressful job that keeps him from his wife and kid.

from what i understand, because i haven’t watched ‘manhunter’, is that the red dragon film introduced the fact that will and hannibal knew each other prior to hannibal being caught. this, to me, is really fun and interesting and they could have made this an integral part of both of their characters and strengthened and complicated their relationship (which we see done absolutely BEAUTIFULLY in season 3b of NBC’s hannibal). but no. it feels like anthony hopkins and ed norton are two pieces of sandpaper rubbing together whenever they are on screen together. for example in the opening scene where they are supposed to be collages and somewhat friendly as will is in hannibal’s house THEY FEEL LIKE FUCKING STRANGERS. ed norton is soooo reserved as will which frustrates me because we have seen him do more. he should have given the same character performance as the narrator in fight club as he did with will graham in red dragon. it didn’t even need to be to that standard but idk he needed to do more, especially with his empathy because it’s just so brushed off. again i know this is at fault of the writing and directing too but oh fuck it annoys me.

i know ed nortons and hugh dancys will graham’s are very different also because of their different story’s and that has to be said HOWEVER the shows interpretation of hannibal and will’s relationship is so much richer (not even factoring in their queerness). to me, hugh dancy’s view of will’s relationship with hannibal is “after everything you have repeatedly put me through, after discovering all that you are, you continue to be the only person who has and the only person who could understand me even though i can’t always admit that and don’t always want that”. BUT edward norton’s view of will’s relationship with hannibal is “you betrayed me when i put my trust in you and i resent the fact that i need you now” which really doesn’t hit the fucking same.

there’s this really cool video essay ( https://youtu.be/PA1zrO3YQmk?si=dTsKzwTFiGSMAApN ) that says something like “will isn’t supposed to be a straight man, he’s not supposed to be as smooth as ice, he’s supposed to be a fucked up little freak” which i whole heartedly agree with. this is mainly to do with the writing again but you can see ed norton his holding himself back, he looks like he doesn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth. especially in the scene where the red dragon has a knife at his sons throat and he’s shouting at him. literally the most diluted performance i’ve ever seen him give i think.

especially when i watched the show before any of the movies so i was so excited that my interests overlapped, then was disappointed that he played will so strangely. anyway one of my only pros of his will graham is that it was during his early 2000’s phase of being blonde which i enjoyed. and also ‘red dragon’ keeps the line about hannibal wanting to eat wills heart. the rest…burn it. i feel like i could talk about will and hannibal’s relationship in ‘NBC’s hannibal’ till my face turns blue and a die from lack of oxygen. where as i can barely scrounge a few thoughts together about their relationship in ‘red dragon’ that aren’t just how dry it is. this is a testament to the writing of the show but also to mads mikkelsen and hugh dancy’s chemistry. it feels (to me) like anthony hopkins was given the impossible task of living up to his performance in ‘the silence of the lambs’ especially when his screen time was doubled and then edward norton was given the impossible task of filling in the position of clarice starling that audiences were craving, which just left me wanting more from his performance.

[dearfriendsinhigherplaces]

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆ 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤 ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚎 ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧

•i’m alexis

•i’m 21 years old

•i use she/her and they/them as my pronouns but i’m seeing if i’m comfortable with he/him as well rn. you don’t need to use them interchangeably in the same sentence, just use whatever honestly gender is hard. i do prefer she/they though

•i’m bisexual and i’m demigender (i just call myself queer mostly)

•my shifting journey started in 2021

•i had my first shift in october 2023 (minishift)

•i want shifting friends

•send me asks i love them

•i’m taken in this reality and me and my partner are trying to groupshift together

•the main theme in most of my drs is friendship and found family

•i’m a subliminal creator and i’ve been listening to subliminals for over 7 years

•i sketch portraits (traditionally and digitally), sew, do tarot, play the ukulele and the guitar, and play video games

•i’m a northwestern wolf and crested honey buzzard therian, and im otherhearted with barn owls

•i’m in an endogenic system and i have 3 headmates

•i have dyslexia

•i’m learning danish, jeg snakker og forstår lidt dansk men meget dårligt. and i’m also interested in learning asl, turkish, hindi, and korean in the future

•i’m a very nervous person

•infp

˚ · .

𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚜 ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧

•music: the beatles, will wood, idk how but they found me, the smiths, james and the shame, the mountain goats, bo burnham, tim minchin, chappell roan, mother mother, the crane wives, aeseaes

•movies: crimson peak, another round, a ghost story, nope, httyd, thor ragnarok, into/across the spiderverse, titanic

•tv shows: hannibal, barry, bbc’s ghosts, supernatural, good omens, ofmd, bridgerton, the great, all of us are dead, atla, hazbin hotel, love death and robots, the end of the fucking world, sex education, breaking bad, rita, the handmaid’s tale

•video games: bg3, rdr and rdr2, detroit become human, shelter 2, the sims 3 and 4, animal crossing, stardew valley, the isle, resident evil 7 and 8, minecraft

•books: the little prince, the handmaid’s tale, war of the worlds, high-rise, wings of fire, warrior cats, anything edgar allan poe

˚ · .

𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚍𝚛𝚜 ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧

•bg3

•bg3 isekai

•dnd (this dr also takes place in the forgotten realms dr but i’m a different person in it)

•hogwarts uni

•beatles

•adventure time

•hawthorne

•bridgerton

•rdr2

•sims 4

•camp half-blood

•bbc’s ghosts

•marvel

•wings of fire

•changeling

•dhampir (iwtv vibes)

•mermaid

•selkie

•magical boarding school

•supernatural

•fame

•the boys

•maleficent

•detroit become human

•mha

•waiting room

𝚖𝚢 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛/𝚞𝚗𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚛𝚜 ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧

•botw

•beastars

•lore olympus

•heal inner child

i’ve got some other random/smaller/one-off drs that i won’t include in the list. also for the drs changeling, vampire, mermaid, selkie, those are drs that i made up and aren’t from any existing media. i just am those creatures in those drs. i’ve also got an entire made up realm that i’ve been making and doing world building for for years that i’m shifting to, it’s called Aurora.

˚ · .

𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐 ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧

•i mainly post about reality shifting, but i also post about therianthropy and subliminals from time to time

•i post about my bg3 dr A LOT as it is my main one

•the drs that i’m most connected to and have been trying to shift to the longest are bg3, hogwarts, and my beatles dr

•my hogwarts dr is a university, but i’ll always just refer to it as my hogwarts dr

•i deal with intrusive and obsessive thoughts (i have ocd tendencies but i’ve never gotten a diagnosis for ocd so i’m not sure if i have it), so if i make a post talking about those I’ll put a trigger warning

•i have undiagnosed social anxiety

•i swear, but i’m not going to put trigger warnings for swearing

•i’ll never talk about anything explicitly sexual on here

•dni: if you are an anti shifter, transphobic, homophobic, biphobic, arophobic, acephobic, terf, transmed, racist, just a bigot in general, anti-Palestine, anti-Ukraine, against therians/otherkins, sysmed, anti endo

•while i don’t talk about being in an endogenic system (much), my account is still very pro endo. i’ve been in an endo system (more specifically a tulpa system) for over 5 years. i do not have DID and i would never claim to. my system was formed completely by choice and without trauma. endo neutrals can interact

˚ · .

feel free to ask me any questions about my drs/about my interests, i’m happy to share. you can ask about literally anything in this introduction, doesn’t have to be about shifting. happy shifting :-)

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

[olderthannetfic]

Hi ONTF, sorry to vent in your inbox but I’ve just stumbled into 3 different posts in rapid succession that had me boggling. I don’t know, they were probably just vent-y tumblr hyperbolic posts but is this really how a lot of people on here are about the media they consume?

One was about how another show ended in a queerbaiting mess (did it? Really? Does queerbaiting mean what you think it does?), the second one was about how people should boycott any show with even a hint of queerbaiting (which, in context, seems to mean with any shippy dynamic that doesn’t become canon in 2 episodes!) and the third one was about people insisting that a show is actual representation when, as much as I liked Good Omens, it just isn’t.

I was left staring at my screen with the impression that these people are either looking at meh shows they don’t actually think much of with their slash goggles firmly on and basing their opinion of the show’s worth on weather their ship becomes canon or trying to shoehorn representation in shows that they did enjoy because otherwise they wouldn’t feel as good about liking them? Idk, I guess what I’m asking is was it just 3 badly worded posts or is this an attitude you’ve noticed on this hellsite?

And at the same time if representation, no, let’s be honest: if the canonical status of their specific ship is so important to them that they can’t enjoy a show unless it’s there why do they seem to mainly be watching mainstream stuff with low chances of an actual payoff? I keep rewriting this part, I keep getting sidetracked. Basically I agree with you that people on here seem to put way too much faith in the idea that mainstream shows are writing things a certain way to bait queer audience when I think they’re just doing what mainstream shows have always done and most just don’t much care. But I wonder what has caused this idea, what gave people the expectation that their queer ship, often between well known main characters, has a chance in hell of becoming canon? Is it because roughly ten years ago a couple of shows went “actually yes, this infamous cannibal is in love with the fbi agent! Straightbait! Our main pirate is queer!”? But Hannibal and Black Sails were both pretty niche, not super popular shows. They were, and remain, exceptions. Sherlock and, idk, Got, were whole other beasts popularity wise. The fact that it is still unusual is why people where so happy and excited about ofmd! But statistically? Either a show is clearly marketed to a queer audience or the chances of a queer main character/ship are abysmally low and I don’t get why people keep doing this to themselves. Sorry, I’m rambling and confused at that absurd boycott idea and I’m curious to hear what you and others think.

--

Well... when you mostly read books by AO3y people and hang around in fanfic space, reality does cater to you. One forgets how different the rest of the world is.

And in many ways, that's a good thing.

But I spend a lot of my time on original m/m rather than big name shows, and it definitely helps.

When one swims in the AO3/Tumblr/Tiktok/whatever waters all day long and then goes back to really big media, expecting the same status quo, one is disappointed.

[centauryscrubs]

ok so, there’s a LOT of reasons why inside job is one of my favourite gone-too-soon tv shows ever (fuck you netflix) and i could probably list them all and talk about them extensively (and i might in a future post!) but the couple that really did it for me were:

1. that they didn’t make reagan and brett a couple. this is SO important to me. the trope of “hetero friends to lovers” is overdone to the point of society expecting it/finding it weird when it’s not there. the fact that brett and reagan are just… literally best friends is so much sweeter than them being a couple. for me, at least. it just wouldn’t really suit them either, y’know? brett (imo) is more focused on strengthening PLATONIC bonds, because having friends isn’t something he really had as a child. and that’s the same for reagan! (plus she had ron. and EVEN THOUGH BRETT DIDNT REALLY LIKE HIM AT FIRST, HE STILL ACCEPTED AND RESPECTED THEIR RELATIONSHIP!! AND DIDNT BREAK IT UP!! in fact HE tried to change HIMSELF so that he’d like ron!!! if that’s not some serious ride or die friendship between brett and reagan idk what is! it’s not like brett was ever a third wheel when ron came along either!!)

connected to 1. — tamiko’s relationship/s is/are a perfect example of when het interactions can go well, regardless of if there are romantic feelings or not. with rand, it resulted in divorce BUT they did have fleeting romantic moments which were sweet, as well as some generally funny scenes together! the “date” with alpha-beta ended up in him learning how to love, despite tamiko being disgusted by his appearance/robotic physicality. i’ll admit i don’t even like ron x reagan that much, but their relationship worked too; the slight rivals to lovers trope was established well and it was very healthy for both of them!

2. that Miss Shion wasn’t afraid to show two men kissing. even if it was an accidental kiss. but also just bromances and homoeroticism in general. andre and myc being besties AND being in an orgy together??? amazing, andre getting mushroom herpes was worth it. rand and hannibal lecter lookalike being made to kiss, and then the latter going “UNLESS…?”??? so funny and much more entertaining than if it didn’t happen at all.

connected to 2. — they didn’t make characters’ sexuality their whole personality!! even the queer one/s!!! andre being described as “alwayssexual” was a funny, fleeting comedy moment and that was all! (i’m also counting the questionable quips like brett going “take your clothes off!!” at ron and ron asking reagan if she told everyone about his dingdong. btw brett is bicurious he told me)

in conclusion: canon queer characters are cool and het relationships (both romantic and platonic) CAN be portrayed very well, if done right!

[lilgynt]

the idea of hannibal killing service workers i will be completely honest got me wanting to put a bullet in his skull more than will did when he got out of prison 😭

[darlingvhs]

Hey I’m sorry if this is somehow not a okay ask. But I’m struggling with something and thought maybe you could help. I really really want to start posting on tumblr(mainly to try and make friends and maybe find my special person) but I have really bad social anxiety and idk what to include in a intro post(I don’t want to forget anything but I’m scared I’ll include too much) plus I’m scared tumblr won’t like me. I know it’s weird to ask a complete stranger for reassurance but you seem really cool.

🪷 you’re so sweet! thank you so much for the compliment ! (ृ ��͈ ᵕ `͈ ृ )ु oh my goodness, this is really late ;-; so I’m unsure if i’ll be of any help now! just in case, i’d be more than happy to give you some advice!

🪷 just remember it’s never that serious when it comes to life. there’s no ‘right’ way to do an intro post ! just fill in whatever feels right for you! but here’s an example of mine below the cut

˚˳⊹ ଘ about me < 3 ଓ ˖˚⊹

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

🩰 ଓ ˖˚⊹ — name :: diana/bambi + others

🕯️ ଓ ˖˚⊹ — age :: seventeen (06)

🧴 ଓ ˖˚⊹ — gender , sexuality & prns :: agender. unlabelled . any .

🥛 ଓ ˖˚⊹ — MBTI :: INTP 5w6

🦢 ଓ ˖˚⊹ — Alignment stuff :: Chaotic Evil, Phlegmatic-Melancholic

🥥 ଓ ˖˚⊹ — disorders :: aunpd + unlisted (it’s just a fair warning if you ever decide to dm <3)

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

˚˳⊹ ଘ likes , dislikes , etc ଓ ˖˚⊹

🎧 ଓ ˖˚⊹ — (dis)likes :: ♡ cats!! bunnies!! video essays , twilight/tvd , reading, music, sharks, art, fashion, honkai/genshin, medicine, winter, baking , mythology , tarot reading | ✕ sports, maths, physics, hot weather, snakes, overly sensitive/pushy people

🥥 ଓ ˖˚⊹ — books :: horror / classical / romance (genres) , portrait of dorian gray , angels before men , interview with a vampire series , hunger games , twilight saga , the vampire diaries , mina , waterfall girls , angel meat

🍵 ଓ ˖˚⊹ — shows :: good omens , gossip girl , gilmore girls , friends , the vampire diaries, alice in borderland , sweet home , strangers in hell , hannibal , rick and morty , inside job , god troubles me , adventure time , totally spies , og power puff girls , jujutsu kaisen , death note , saiki k

🩰 ଓ ˖˚⊹ — movies :: girl interrupted , the virgin svicides , mean girls , kamikaze girls , lily chou chou , fallen angels , twilight , gone girl , buffalo 99 , black swan , thirteen , jennifer’s body

🪷 ଓ ˖˚⊹ — games :: honkai (impact 3rd & star rail) , genshin , ddlc , yttd , dangan , pjsekai , enstars , omori , yume nikki , fnaf , puppet combo , chilla’s games , needy streamer overload , john doe , 14 days with you

🕯️ ଓ ˖˚⊹ — music artists :: lana del rey , ayesha erotica , mitski , artic monkeys , tnhd , deftones , mareux , vocaloid , odetari

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

˚˳⊹ ଘ dni + boundaries ଓ ˖˚⊹

kink blogs , MAP/ZOO , lgbtphobic, cishet men, -17/26+ (flirty asks) , basic dni stuff

yappa yappa yappa boundaries

hopefully this is helpful!!! (to anon or anyone else!)

[thephoenixandthecrocodile]

Writing about Relationships and Aceness as an Aro-Ace Agender Writer

I originally wrote this post for my blog for Ace Week, but wanted to publish it here because it means a lot to me. So, let's celebrate Ace Week again!

This year’s theme was ace creativity so I thought I would write about being an aro-ace agender writer, how that affects how I write romantic and sexual relationships, and how I work aceness into my stories. 

Being Aro-Ace

As an aro-ace agender writer who has never dated/slept with/wanted to date or sleep with anyone ever, my living experience can feel really niche to the point where it feels like I’ll never get the rep I need because my experience is so “rare”. This can also make writing romantic or sexual relationships that others recognize as romantic or sexual difficult. 

I don’t understand how sexual attraction works or what makes someone attractive or even when people realize they find other people attractive. I often feel like Dr. Manhattan when he said “a live human body and a deceased human body have the same number of particles. Structurally, there's no difference.” Except for me it would “a clothed body and a naked body have the same number of particles. Aesthetically and sexually, there's no difference.”

I remember being really flummoxed by a beta reader comment asking “why does the MC think other people should find the SC attractive” and “Why does the MC find the LI attractive? You should work more homoerotic references into this scene” and I had a mini panic attack because I had no idea what that would look like. My one example of homoeroticism (and I’m still not a hundred percent sure why it’s considered homoerotic) is Hannibal and so I was like, should the MC give the LI a still beating heart? IDK. That would work better with Demons, not so much with crocodile people. 

I don’t understand what makes something romantic or how it’s different from friendship. I was talking to another writer friend about these three characters who are supposed to be together but keep finding reasons not to and they said, “oh you should let them pine for each other” and I felt a very visceral no! Because who has time for that! Even though it’s a common romance trope…

I love the concept of queerplatonic, but not sure I truly know what it means or what it looks like…although my characters have more intense friendships then romantic or sexual ones so maybe I’m writing about it all the time and I don’t realize it. 

I’m still trying to figure out how my lack of a gender affects attraction/my understanding of attraction. I know that I rarely acknowledge my own body so I have no idea of how I would make myself “look good” or “look attractive”. And I almost never find anything aesthetically attractive about other people and if I do, it literally lasts for a minute or two and then it disappears and I’m left very confused.

I’m also unable to read or watch anything where the romantic or sexual relationship is a core component of the media. If I do, I get very frustrated and just skip through all those scenes because they’re boring/meaningless to me. So I can’t even engage with media that deal with these relationships because I just can’t get through them or I skip the parts I should be studying. I struggle reading books with ace characters as well because they always feel like the ace character has to be presented and explained within an allosexual framing, even when the author themselves are on the ace spectrum. Which just makes me feel more isolated from my own identity because I can’t even find an ace character that I can identify with.

All of these factors can make it feel like I’m pounding against a wall when I have to write about people being together and that a key component of my writing is missing. There is the fear that I’ll never truly get people interested in my books because there isn’t a romantic component and I can’t feed the shipping flames or even engage in that side of the fandom because it doesn’t interest me/doesn’t make sense to me. Or, worst, the fandom will take my canonically ace and aro-ace characters and turn them allosexual which feels like a deep betrayal of who they are and who I am.

Writing about relationships

And, yet, relationships are going to form – some romantic, others platonic – in my stories and so I had to figure out how I would approach these relationships. They generally fall into three categories: 

I’m most comfortable writing the first category because it’s really just an old and tested friendship with maybe more kissing? Although I will admit, I definitely add more references to physical affection if they’re older LGBTQ+ relationships just because we don’t have a lot of those - either in fiction or in real life.

Category three annoys me because I just don’t know what is going on, so I don’t know what those relationships need. I will admit that usually those relationships are confusing because at least one of the partners is on the aro/ace spectrum and neither I nor the character has realized it yet. Once we figure out where they belong, those relationships make more sense and are easier to develop.

Category two relationships are my favorite to write because I get to dissect and destroy relationships in a cathartic way. Usually those relationships aren’t built on attraction or romance, but on manipulation and transactions, and so it’s easier to write because I’m just studying how someone breaks someone completely while getting everything they want (or failing and dying brutally haha). 

It’s really refreshing for me because I can basically write about the abuse I went through and I’ve seen and study the behavior and patterns from a removed position. Then I get that cathartic release when things fall apart and usually at least one person dying. I think it’s why I love the play Othello so much, because it’s about a relationship being poisoned and the dark destruction of everyone involved. Or even the Macbeth and Demona relationship in the show Gargoyles. They were friends, maybe more (Macbeth does marry Demona when she’s in her human form – it’s a long story) and their entire relationship is built on mistrust and betrayal, but they have no one else.

I mean it’s horrible when it happens in real life, but there is something very cathartic for me to read or watch fictional destruction (which probably has more to do with my trauma then my sexual orientation). Not only is it cathartic, but it’s easier for me to understand a relationship that is build on material things and needs as oppose to sexual or romantic impulses. I will never understand why a man rolling up his shirt sleeves is attractive, but I can understand why someone will stay with a person who makes them feel stable or who can provide wealth or a safe space to be. 

So, in short, relationships only make sense to me when they’re old, stable relationships or toxic, destructive relationships. And I’m sure you found all of that fascinating, but how do I work aceness into my stories?

Writing about Aceness

I generally don’t write about my characters discovering their aceness, with few exceptions. A lot of times my characters are introduced knowing they’re ace and/or aro-ace and there is little discussion of what that means. Everyone in my world understands what it means and no one questions it. I also don’t really write about being ace. A lot of my characters simply are ace and that’s that. I wrote it that way because that’s how I think about being ace. Aro-ace isn’t my identity until someone forces me to find an identity by flashing RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, ROMANCE in front of my face. Otherwise, it doesn’t really affect my life because I’ve been aro-ace all my life so I’m not “missing” anything like a lot of allosexual people assume. I’m literally just living my life until someone forces their life expectations on me.

Of course I say that, but it’s also hard not to work aceness into an ace character’s life, even if being ace isn’t the focus of the story or even that particular character. I think the obvious feature of being ace is being unable to understand or feel sexual attraction to another character.

One of my books is written as a memoir and even though the MC writes about other characters being together and eventually marries his own LI, there is no exploration of attraction or what is considered attractive, etc. His LI is a handsome sex worker and burlesque dancer who can win just about anyone over with his good looks, but the MC doesn’t even notice. The most the MC will notice is that the LI is wearing less clothes than usual, but that’s it. I think I may recreate my own experience at a burlesque show in the next draft where the LI will perform a strip tease and the MC won’t even notice really. He’ll just sit there and think hm they have amazing muscle control. 

Another aspect of being ace, and especially aro-ace, is that the things most people “want” in life: sexual experiences, romantic experiences, etc. never enter your mind. For the ace and/or aro-ace person this is normal so we don’t even notice, but for other people it feels like something is missing, like there is a void that needs to be filled and the ace/aro-ace person is the weirdo for not noticing. But the aro-ace/ace person is like, stop poking me. There is no void!

And that fundamentally changes the type of relationships the ace/aro-ace person will have with people. I won’t say it makes them cherish friendships more, but, at least for an aro-ace person like me, it makes friendship the only relationship I’ll have with people. I’m not looking for anything more than that, can’t feel anything more than that, and so friendship becomes the ultimate relationship goal (however you want to define that and I would throw queerplatonic relationships into that category for the sake of this post, even though others will probably disagree/have their own thoughts).

Which sort of leads to the third aspect: if you’re ace, you’re not thinking about sex except maybe in an abstract way or if you have a libido that needs satisfying. If you’re aro-ace, you’re not thinking about sex or romance except, again in an abstract way or if you have a libido. Also masturbation is quicker, more effective, and equally satisfying way to settle that libido. Other aces and aro-aces enjoy having sex. I do not and a lot of my ace characters don’t either just because that’s sort of my default setting (pretty sure I’m borderline sex repulsed)

I do try to capture a lot of different ace characteristics and experiences with my characters, but also capture the representation I need, and I need an aro-ace agender person who doesn’t care about sex or romance, has no experience with either of those things, doesn’t want experience in either of those things, and doesn’t enjoy even the idea of engaging in sex, let alone actually having it.

Examples of Ace Characters in my Stories

When I write a character, their default sexuality is going to either on the aro and/or ace spectrum or bisexual. I have dozens of characters on the ace spectrum, but these are some of my favorite characters/the most interesting characters.

Kingsley Montivelo

Kingsley, my queer anthro crocodile war criminal/freedom fighter depending on who you ask, is an interesting ace character because while I’m fairly certain he is ace, I don’t know where the hell he fits on the ace spectrum and he doesn’t really care enough to figure it out. Which is legitimate as some people don’t really know where they fit on the spectrum and are still quite comfortable with who they are. However, it can also make deciphering his relationships with other characters difficult. He is one of my rare aces who ends up in a relationship, mostly because I decided he was going to have a boyfriend before I realized he was ace.

Kingsley’s first encounter with “feelings” is with his best friend, (also a queer anthro crocodile like most characters in the queer anthro crocodile book) Devin, the happy-go-lucky playboy who goes through partners like tissue paper because it’s easier than facing the reality of being a rebel. Kingsley has a controlling, jealous friendship with him that could have potentially turned into something if either one of them had matured enough before spoilerish things happened. But they ended up going their own way and I think Kingsley will always have this confusing sense of an “almost” with Devin, even though he can’t say it was ever going to be anything romantic or sexual.

After the spoilerish thing happened, Kingsley was in a bad way, dealing with lots of trauma, and felt he was losing Devin, didn’t want to lose anything else, and then he met Kerry, another ace character who i simply adore. Kerry is a fellow rebel leader who has little patience for Kingsley for reasons. To make matters worse, Devin grows close to Kerry, simply replacing struggling Kingsley with functional Kerry. Kingsley has feelings for Kerry that are closer to a crush, but it’s a possessive, jealous, desperate for validation thing that quickly turns into a loathing that could prove fatal for both of them. One of my beta readers put it best, “Kingsley either wants Kerry, wants to be Kerry, or wishes others would respect him like they respect Kerry.”

After some maturing and other spoilerish things, Kingsley finds himself utilizing the services of a very capable and talented sex worker, burlesque dancer, and one of the most powerful politicians in the country named Oisin (who is one of the greatest characters I’ve ever written tbh). Oisin has had a crush on Kingsley forever and has tried everything to get his attention, but Kingsley never noticed him until Oisin proved he was effective and useful.

Their relationship is one of those toxic disasters I love to write. Oisin is driven into many a panic attack about their relationship because Oisin only understands relationships in terms of sex. He’s never had a romantic relationship before, but Kingsley doesn’t understand sexual attraction. So the only way Oisin can get and keep his attention is to perform favors and small miracles for Kingsley, which means he has to be perfect at all times. The minute he fails in a task for Kingsley, he feels he’ll lose Kingsley forever (Oisin has some co-dependence issues…).

Meanwhile, Kingsley finds Oisin the most attractive when he’s completely ruthless and accomplishing the impossible. He tolerates the sex for Oisin’s sake, but personally finds it boring and exhausting. I think Kingsley has romanticish feelings for Oisin since Oisin adds stability and validation to his life, but will lose interest once Oisin becomes a liability.

So Kingsley isn’t great ace rep, but I think it’s just as important to have complex ace characters as it is to have standard “good” and “pure” ace characters. Kingsley’s understanding that relationships are transactional is also reflective on how I’ve approached the rare chance of having a partner. A few people have asked me if I was interested in dating them and I immediately assessed whether they wanted what I wanted and could help me get it, and I said no both times because they couldn’t help me. Not only did they want different things, they didn’t even realize what I really wanted and I feel Kingsley is similar.

By the time he is ready to have a relationship, he is only interested in people who can help him and thus the “attraction'“ isn’t sexual or even romantic, but more material and skills based (it makes him sound like an HR agent trying to find the perfect employee 😅). Romantic love can and does come out of it for Kingsley, (and they have a few domestic scenes that are warm and full of “feelings”) but like, I said, he’s a survivor first and foremost, and so love will never top survival (to be fair, Oisin eventually realizes what he truly is to Kingsley and begins to priority survival as well, so the power imbalances between the two evens out as the series progresses until the spoilerish ending).

Kerry McNair

Kerry is a rebel anthro crocodile who is basically a self-insert. An aro-ace nonbinary masc character (pronouns are they/he), he’s never had a sexual or romantic relationship, doesn’t want a sexual or romantic relationship, please stop asking him. Unlike me, he cares more for his appearance and dresses well, but unfortunately for him that just attracts more people to him, so he has to find this balance of doing what he enjoys (self-care basically) while also dealing with people who take it as an invitation to flirt with him. Kerry is a no nonsense, sarcastic, effective leader who doesn’t enjoy small talk, people, or collaborative work. He likes to be alone, to organize things, and to see results. This can make him difficult to befriend and he’s a bit like Bilbo. He doesn’t know the few people he actually likes half as well as he would like and likes less than half of the people he knows half as well as they deserve.

As I mentioned above, Kerry doesn’t like Kingsley, because Kingsley is the opposite of Kerry. Kerry thinks he’s sloppy, ineffective, self-absorbed, and dangerous for their cause. In all honesty, Kerry doesn’t think about Kingsley until he’s forced to (a bit like his own sexual identity) and it’s always a bit of a violent reaction whenever he has to deal with Kingsley. Kingsley just brings out the worst in people haha. I don’t think Kerry purposefully alienates Kingsley, he just feels threatened by Kingsley’s own instability and unpredictability and thus acts out to protect himself.

Kerry takes his friends seriously, another reason he doesn’t get along with Kingsley who treats people like disposal tools. Because Kerry is so anti-social, he cherishes the few people who don’t drive him crazy. Two of those characters: Marcus, a trans rebel leader who’s known Kerry since they were kids and is planning to proposal to Kerry’s sister and Devin. Marcus and Kerry are ying and yang: Marcus is passionate, volatile, impulsive, and a natural born leader. Kerry is quiet, calculating, quiet, and natural born organizer. Marcus is the only person he trusts with sister’s and his niblings’ lives (the only family he has left) and Marcus is basically an adopted brother. They have one of my classic unbreakable friendships, the rare cases where characters trust each other so much, nothing can shatter it (which is super rare in my stories, since trust is so fragile, but so sacred).

Kerry’s other friend/borderline queerplatonic partner is, you guessed it, Devin. At first glance, they are exact opposites, but they actually share the same values: friends and family members are the only things that matter, creation is more important than destruction, community, not violence, will always defeat evil. Kerry and Devin have to rebuild a lot of things after spoilerish things happen and both have to deal with Kingsley’s jealous nonsense, which only drives them closer and closer together (which only increases Kingsley’s jealous). Devin provides the support Kerry usually expects from Marcus and Kerry supports Devin in ways Kingsley never could.

Alexander Phillips

Alex is a demiromantic ace journalist with a LOT of trauma (and most of it is Kingsley’s fault). He is also one of my few ace characters in a loving relationship, even though it is far from functional. Alex really captures what it’s like to have the vague idea that the rest of the world is weird because everyone you know is so obsessed with things that you don’t feel or even understand. Alex met Christine, his wife, when they were in their teens and they became friends over their mutual sense of not belonging (Christine often disappears into “visions” where she may or may not received snippets of the future from some supernatural entity) and Alex doesn’t develop feelings for Christine until years later. It’s the perfect definition of a slow burn romance that I’m still struggling with capturing perfectly. I think it comes across more as two committed friends who decide to live together then a romantic pairing, but maybe it’s the stronger for it? It’s one of the core relationships that drives the book, so I hope it works.

Heron Massie

An old, grumbling anthro crocodile who is aro-ace. He’s one of my rare aces who attempted to have a sexual relationship (with a Gargoyle) and it just didn’t work, so he walked away from it. Like Kingsley, he didn’t bother with his own sexual identity until much later in life and for the same reason: there’s a lot going on when you’re a rebel leader. Relationships often take a back burner. Heron is also an example of never really having to identity oneself until forced to. The fling with the Gargoyle is backstory, but I imagine she approached him first and he was like, “yeah, all right. Spoilerish thing happened and I’m exhausted. Let’s go for it” and then decided he did not like it.

Grigori Ignatenko

Finally, we have Grigori who is the MC of my short scifi story “Firebird”. It is published in Ezra Arndt’s upcoming anthology My Say In the Manner, which is currently on Goodreads and will be published next year.

Grigori is an aro-ace agender mercenary who was part of a terrible experiment as a child and has lots of trauma and trust issues (I’m sensing a theme here). He never knew what friendship was until he met Ruslan Yusupov, a doctor who took pity on Grigori and gave him a home when Grigori needed it most. Ruslan fell in love with him, but Grigori wasn’t able to replicate the same feelings and they developed a queerplatonic relationship with intense feelings for each other. Grigori attempts now and then to engage in “romantic” and “sexual” behavior expected between partners, but every time he tries it leads to a lot of discomfort. So they work together to find behavior and expressions of love that satisfies Ruslan’s needs and feel comfortable for Grigori. I haven’t fully decided yet, but Grigori may be borderline sex repulsed like myself.

In the short story, something happens to Grigori and he uses his memories of Ruslan and their friendship to center himself and create something new and powerful (with the help of a pissed off elemental spirit thing…) With Grigori, I explore how one’s agender identity can also affect one’s own sexual and romantic identity and spoilerish things happen which allows Grigori to finally feel comfortable gender wise that could potentially allow himself to open up more emotionally.

There are dozens more, but I think these characters are a good representation of how I explore aceness and different kind of relationships.

[coiled-dragon]

for the fandom ask, hannibal!

Send me a fandom!

(sweating in still hasnt watched season 3 because they know it'll wreck them shhh)

The first character I first fell in love with: Will Graham. Blorbo-kin-projection meter off the charts homie The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Cant think of any tbhhhh Im very much not gonna lie I sort of hyperfocused so hard on Hannibal and Will that sometimes I forget theres an amazing cast of characters around them, and I desperately need to rewatch the show and properly finish it The character everyone else loves that I don’t: idk if its everyone who loves him, but I cant stand Chilton LMAO The character I love that everyone else hates: Dont know if anyone I Love is hated by others hmm The character I used to love but don’t any longer: None all the characters I love never did anything wrong ever The character I would totally smooch: Gonna throw a wild card in here because I would normally be like Will and Abigail but u know what Peter Bernardone deserves a kiss and to be held a little The character I’d want to be like:  Beverly Katz... shes a fucking REAL ONE and im STILL MAD AND SAD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HER,,,, The character I’d slap: Mason Verger except I wouldnt slap him I would hold his face in a vat of acid A pairing that I love: Hannigram ♥ A pairing that I despise:  I cant think of any offhand tbh but im sure there are some I would dislike

[ghostforwhat]

Just saw your post about will wearing the gloves but I was wondering if you could maybe elaborate? English isn’t my first language so I think I’m misunderstanding the post! You said he did it wounded and bloody, with love and Hannibal’s permission, but Hannibal never agreed to commit suicide right? Like, will killed them but is Hannibal giving him permission to kill him your interpretation of the scene or is it actually canon? Am I missing something? Also idk I feel like even though he did push them off the cliff with his own “hands” (or rather body) I don’t think it’s what he meant when he told Hannibal he wanted to kill him with his bare hands. I’m thinking he meant putting flesh to flesh, maybe suffocating him or beating him to death. I feel like I’m missing what you’re saying, I’m so sorry! I always love your interpretations so I thought I’d ask for clarification <3

Hey! This got way longer than I meant, apologies in advance! So two things before anything else, the first being that I don’t think it’s necessary to apologize at all, for numerous reasons here, but mainly you don’t have any obligation to enjoy everything I put out into the ether. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy and pleased that you like my take on things but I’m as prone to romanticizing insignificant factors of this show as anyone else. I tend to post with the basic joking stipulation of “this is what that means. to me.” and the catch all of the concept “the curtains were blue.” That’s to say, there’s no definitive answer and I’m shooting a gun off in the dark because I like the way it lights up factors of their relationship, because Will might start wearing gloves due to the fact he’s committing felonies with a shaky permission slip or Will could be wearing gloves in an attempt to emulate Hannibal and further the honeypot situation. There’s reasoning actions from an intellectual standpoint and then there’s speculation, I don’t normally tag my posts as meta or analysis because I rarely think it deserves those labels. What I see is affected by bias and what I want to see and that’s always going to bleed over my thought process.

The second being that I never really expect anyone to reblog things, (not that you can’t!) it feels more like I’m simply talking to myself out loud on a playground lol so I’m sure your English is absolutely fine and I’m even more positive I could have phrased what I was saying in a more cohesive way.

Okay! So, beyond the personalization of interpretations and my own incoherency, I agree completely that when Will says “with my hands” he wholeheartedly is envisioning exactly what he saw when he killed Tier and that’s beating Hannibal to death. He’s not toying with brutality, he’s confirming he’s more than capable of enacting it and at that point, he’s confident he will. But after Tier, after Hannibal’s chosen proxy is dead by Will’s hands, Will goes to Hannibal and shows him what is essentially his intentions. This is, at the time, is the most honest scene in the show between them. Will treats Tier’s corpse like a sacrifice, putting his body on Hannibal’s table isn’t really subtle. When Hannibal prompts him, Will confirms that it was “intimate” and following it, we see a shot of Will’s bloody knuckles. And we know what happens then, Hannibal asks if Will was imagining Hannibal when he was killing Tier and while he receives a rather poignant non-answer, it’s clear Hannibal is made aware that this is the truth and Will felt vivified in doing so. In response, Hannibal does what Hannibal repeats later on the cliff, completely aware of Will’s intentions and encourages them anyway with touch, with acceptance.

Touch between them is significant, it’s not necessarily as rare as we tend to say but it is a focal point whenever it it happens, the camera lingers where hand meets hand for them. So when I said the gloves were a barrier, I meant more so that they were Will attempting to distance himself from the temptation of Hannibal’s acceptance, and the next time Will imagines killing Hannibal, it’s with a blade. That’s the disconnect, that’s the ripple effect of him experiencing a situation similar to what he thought he wanted and finding it unsatisfying though he doesn’t quite understand why. (A quick add on to this, in the Shiizakana transcript, during Will’s dream sequence with Hannibal tied to the tree and the stag pulling the ropes, it says that after Hannibal’s death, after Will wakes up, Will doesn’t find any solace in Hannibal’s death.) If we accept this speculation and the canon notes, a point could be argued that Will doesn’t fantasize or make another attempt on Hannibal after this without ropes or a knife or a gun present because he’s not trying to kill Hannibal with the promised intimacy. Again, distance. We put space between ourselves and that which has the potential to hurt us. Will wants Hannibal dead and yet doesn’t want to deal with the repercussions of living without him because he loves him.

That’s why I don’t want another season, that’s why I do genuinely believe Hannibal let Will pull them off, not maybe out of a sense of agreed suicide but because Will’s transformation (to Hannibal and to us; a character arch) is complete, he can embrace Hannibal and he can embrace acceptance and if that results in their deaths, Hannibal technically already knew that it would. Will told him, in many different ways at different points; “This isn’t sustainable.” “I’m curious whether either of us can survive separation.” “When it comes to me and you, there can be no decisive victory.”

Will can only push them off if Hannibal allows it, there isn’t a violence or reluctance to it, they fall together.

The gloves might not signify anything. I like hand motifs and I’m not above putting more meaning into things that are probably just a wardrobe decision. I hope I clarified this and not just made it worse.