#idk felt something so clearly beautiful about today

[draigonboother]

It rained today. Outside the window, the rush of cars and wind and people running across streets yelling, the translucent darkness of the night seeping past the sliver of curtains. During the day, the air cold and crisp and gray: rain-slick pavement, rustling trees with darkened bark, wet leaves half-decomposed, mottled, pressed flat against the concrete. Strikingly beautiful, almost startling so. Has it always been this way, the groups of people laughing, their faces flushed with cold, the blooming flowers, the air fresh and languid and clean. Boots with shiny leather. Cold hands. Shoes soaked, hems damp, numb feet. Has it always been this way — the beauty of it all, of this, of everything. Red lights at dusk. Silvery puddles reflecting iridescent fragments of sky. During the day, the windows clear, misted over with raindrops: the pale light, the washed-out buildings, the dark outline of trees. The white sky, sunless. The glutinous wisps of skinny clouds. The sound of rain against glass. On the streets: girls in short leather skirts, their legs long and delicate and bare. Old women in puffy jackets. Children splashing in puddles. Don’t run, you’ll slip. Then: I told you to be careful! Blades of grass, thin, translucent like jade, bent and speckled with dew. Plastic cups of coffee half-drank, stippled with condensation. Labels completely soaked through, grayish with water, soft, the corners half-peeled and bunched into knots. How have I never noticed this before, the dark leaves like lace doilies, the coarse bark, the birds with glossy round eyes. Fluorescent lighting of the subway. Hard plastic seats. People hunched over their phones, screens smeared with fingerprints, jackets blotched with raindrops. Quick tapping fingers. Faces colorless in the light, pallid, some impassive, some laughing: eyes flickering, cheeks bunched up, teeth yellow and bared. Doors open: rush of wind, fading conversation, clouds of perfume. There’s no way he — I swear! Where do you want to get dinner? There’s a new place that just opened up down the street, I’ve always wanted to try —

Inside, hot water, yellow lights, mirror clouded over with steam. Silky soap swirling down the drain. Soft towel. Skin smooth, hot, dry. Clean clothes. Damp hair on cool sheets. Cold, filtered water dripping down my chin. The broad, almost plastic-looking leaves of my house plant, shiny and dark green. Streetlights outside, slightly blurred, softly shining red, orange, yellow. On my tablet: pictures of forests, knotted trees, sprawling fields of moss, everything bluish-green. Quiet, still. Books with thin, inky fonts, the g’s and d’s written just the way I like. Somehow gratifying everything is, this moment, perfect. Poems: tonight he is alive and in the north field with his mother, if the dog were alive he would be drowning, in the spring the rabbits will find it and build their nest inside. The living go on living, and the dead go on living with them. The rain seeps in the cracks, and the trunk falls to the ground, and the moss covers it. Nothing is wasted in nature or in love. Opened windows. Whirring of cars outside. Soon, the lights will be off and blankets will be drawn in and tomorrow will begin. Tomorrow: what it will bring, no one can say for sure. But today was beautiful, it was. It was.

[luveline]

this is quite vague, sorry, but would you please write more for coworker James? maybe him and r are sneaking around to kiss or they go out or Sirius and Remus find out. Idk whatever you feel like!!

you and James at the end of a secret date | ty for requesting! fem

You kissed James because you had to. You’ve never felt that pull before, but he’d been sitting there on the step next to you, close enough to see the freckles on his nose and count them, and— well, it’s hard to explain. But you kissed him. 

So far, it’s working in your favour. 

“It’s fine,” James says, breathless where he’s kissing your neck. 

“No, I think I broke it,” you say, squirming away from him to see the lamp where it’s fallen. “Shit.”

James had been kissing you on his sofa and your arm had a mind of its own, moving backward, whacking the body of the lamp where it had been living innocently on the side table. Now it’s in five separate pieces on the floor, but James doesn’t care. 

“I’m sorry,” you say. 

“I’m not.”

You laugh, a little lost in the way he’s touching you. James isn’t being too much, despite your legs spread around his hips to let him kiss you and the slip of your stomach that’s exposed itself. He’s kissing you hard, yes, but he isn’t grabbing anything too sensitive. He isn’t initiating, just kissing. 

“No, ‘cos– ‘cos I’ve broken it, I have, I’ll have to buy you another one. It’s from IKEA, right? It’s–”

“It’s from IKEA,” James affirms, lifting his face from your neck to meet your eyes. His lips are pink from kissing, the tip of his nose ruddied. “I can get another one any hour of the day. Can you stop worrying?” 

“No.” 

James laughs and holds your cheek. “No, I guess you can’t. And I was getting ahead of myself, wasn’t I?” He turns his hand, stroking your under eye with a careful fingernail. “It’s getting late. I should drive you home.” 

You’re crestfallen, then. “Is it?” 

He checks his watch. “S’almost eleven.” 

You have work tomorrow. You’ll have to wake at 6AM. But you don’t want to leave, don’t want James to get off of you, don’t want to go back to the office where you’re still pretending to hate him. 

Not very well, mind you, but pretending all the same. 

You’re distracted from your melancholy by the marvel of him above you. His hair seems darker than ever today, black and shiny and nice to touch, a tad mussed from your hands. You smooth down each wanton curl and get a good look at his eyes. His lashes… it leaves you breathless again, how long they are, how beautiful he seems. 

You’re dating, sort of. Not together. You can’t stay the night, you haven’t fucked, and he doesn’t seem to want to yet. It’s still early days.

You aren’t sure if you’d let him fuck you here, but he hasn’t tried. You’d thought the neck kissing was a precursor, felt heat blooming in your chest and somewhere lower as he held your nape. You can imagine it easily from this position, blood rushing to warm your chest, a tizzied kiss of it to match James’ blush. He’d touch you, and you’d let him. He’d push your shirt the rest of the way up and see you clearly. 

“James…” you say softly. 

“What?” 

“Can I ask you something?” 

He strokes your cheek. Your skin stretches gently under his touch, your eye squinting closed. “What sort of something?” he whispers. 

You wanna ask why he won’t fuck you. It would make sense —isn’t that what rivalry is, heated competition with poorly hidden sexual tension? Is that what you and James had?

“I’ve been thinking about something.”

“What sort of something?” he repeats with a laugh. 

“I don’t want to say it out loud.” 

James lets your head rest against the armrest and pillow smushed behind the top of it. He leans down to kiss you, a pulling thing you can’t help following. “Then don’t say it,” he murmurs, his nose dragging up your cheek as your lips part lazily. “Maybe I can guess.” 

“I don’t think you’ll be able to.” 

“You never have any faith in me.” 

You have much more in him as of late. James has yet to let you down. You kissed him and it’s like he refuses to be cruel about it, never letting you worry, eager in his reciprocation. Things are still confusing between you because you’re avoiding a conversation you’re too afraid to start, lest he want something casual. Instead, you’ve let him drag you deeper into his caging. It will hurt twice as much to ask now. 

“It’s stupid,” you say. “Never mind.” 

“It’s not stupid.” 

“No, it was.” You scratch his scalp as you know he adores. “It’s eleven. You can kiss me for at least another half an hour.” 

If he hears the hopefulness in your voice he ignores it. “Are you sure? I don’t wanna keep you up.” 

“Well, only if you want to.” 

“I always want to kiss you, you vexing woman,” he murmurs, shivers lining your arms and spine as his lips part against your cheek. He kisses downwards, sloven, half moon kisses, lightest scratch of his teeth on your neck. “Is it too immature if I leave a mark?” he asks. 

Immature? You have no idea. “I don’t mind what you do, just not above the collar, please.” 

You grow still as he tugs at the neckline of your shirt to expose your chest. It isn’t what you meant, and you’re not about to correct him. 

“Tell me if I…” He looks up at you, smiling nicely. “Just tell me if I take it too far,” he says. “Okay?” 

He plants a kiss over your heart. You hate thinking that he can feel it, hammering, betraying your deep feelings. “Okay,” you breathe.

[ohsugar-honey-iced-tea]

can i make an angsty request where wanda brings reader to one of stark’s parties as her date & reader excuses themself to go to the bathroom only to come back and catch wanda and vision sharing a kiss? maybe reader starts to leave when wanda catches her out of the corner of her eye and tries to explain.

idk if this is any good but this would be cool to do bc i kinda want to cry a bit haha

If Only

Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader

A/n: This is my very first time writing an angst so please be kind 🥲

Warnings: angst, harrasment

Summary: where hope and dreams turn into sadness as you see your biggest fear come true

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You were absolutely over the moon.

After months and months of pining, longing, stolen glances and shared smiles, you finally found the courage to ask out Wanda Maximoff.

Wanda was everything you were looking for. Kind, smart, funny and witty. Beautiful with a smile that could light up the whole room and emerald green eyes that sparkled when she talked about something she was passionate about.

See, the thing is, you have been having a crush on Wanda as soon as she joined the Avengers. Long months were spent dreaming of her and hoping she would one day give you the honor of dating her.

You still weren't sure why she said yes when you asked her to go as your date to one of Starks parties. But you were so glad she did.

As you were getting ready, putting on your best dress, Wanda send you a text.

'Be ready in ten, detka. x W'

You smiled. Detka. That one word already had your cheeks hurting from how big your smile was.

As you were putting on the finishing touches on your makeup, you heard a soft knock on your door. You opened the door to your room and there she was.

A stunning red dress with black high heels to match with them. A golden necklace with two gold bracelets to finish the set. Red hair put up, revealing small diamond earrings and makeup done to perfection.

So goddesses do exist. And one was standing right in front of you.

Wanda must have thought something was wrong because she looked at you worriedly.

"Y/n, is everything alright?"

"You... you look perfect."

Wanda blushed, clearly flustered by your compliment.

"Well you don't look so bad yourself, ma'am"

You giggled, quickly getting the last of your things so you could head to the main floor where the party was held.

As you two walked down the stairs, hand in hand, you couldn't help but think that this felt right. You and Wanda, holding each others hand and being next to each other.

You didn't want to get too ahead of yourself, but you couldn't contain your smile.

"What's so funny over there?"

You gave her a cocky smile and a sly wink in return.

"With a little luck you will find out later"

As the two of you stepped in the big crowded room, you started feeling a little overwhelmed. Big parties and busy crowds were never really your thing, but Wanda was worth it. She would always be worth it. You turned to Wanda.

"You stay right here, and I'll get us some drinks, okay?

Wanda gave you a little kiss on your cheek, making you blush furiously.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, detka"

You smiled and you made your way over to the bar as you ordered your drinks. A strawberry daiquiri for Wanda. Pretty and sweet, just like her.

As you were waiting for your drink your mind began to wonder to your plans for later tonight.

Wanda didn't know, but you went up to the balcony earlier today to hang up some fairylights and a little blanket for you to sit on, so you would have your own little starry midnight sky.

You were hoping tonight would finally be the night where you would feel Wanda's lips on yours. You were so sure that would be what true happiness would feel like.

As you took the drinks and made your way over to Wanda, your heart dropped.

There he was. Wanda's ex, Vision. He was with Wanda and they were making out against the wall.

You felt your heart shatter into pieces. Surely you were insecure, but you were so sure Wanda felt the same about you than you did for her.

Perhaps you shouldn't have allowed yourself to have hope. After all, hope is only seconds away of crushing reality kicking in.

Your legs were starting to feel weak and your hands let go of the drink, clattering to the floor as you let out a poorly concealed sob. Wanda suddently jumped off of the wall she was pressed against.

"Y/n, this isn't what it looks like!"

But it was too late. All sound got quiet, and you felt a panic attack rising. You needed to get out of there, now.

"Come on baby, this is what we both want"

As Wanda saw you running she tried as hard as she could to get out of Vision's arms, who has started to rub his hands all over her body. Eventually she got out and followed you, running as fast as she ever did.

See, the thing is, Vision cornered Wanda. He had pinned her arms down and had forced his lips onto Wanda's. She tried with all might to do something, scream, hit, anything. But she couldn't. Until she heard you.

Vision even had the audacity to look at you and smirk.

With all her might Wanda tried to catch up to you, but as she walked outside all she could see was your car speeding off.

Was the one thing that could truly make Wanda happy ruined before it even had a chance to start?

As you drove off, your eyes began to swim with tears. How dare you be so stupid to believe you actually had a chance?

As you turned left, you put the volume of the radio to the max. You needed to hear something, anything, other then your thoughts.

Maybe your parents were right. Maybe you weren't deserving of love. After all, they were the ones who never went out of their way to show that to you, starting at an early age.

Was any of it Wanda showed you real? Were the little inside jokes only meaningful to you? The small hints that Wanda wanted this as much as you did?

If only you weren't so naive. Maybe then you wouldn't be feeling how you are feeling now.

If only you didn't believe in love and happiness. Maybe then you could have been at peace with yourself, making a happy little life with just yourself.

If only you would have seen the car on your right running the red light.

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Let me know if you want to be added to the Wanda taglist! If you have any requests, send them! Reblogs are much appreciated :)

Taglist: @wandanats-goodgirl

[lovexjoe]

Filming Pieces of Her

warning: smut, age gap, some fluffy

A/N: I had a request for Jacob and a younger co star smut idk what happened to the inbox request but here you go!

Synopsis: Y/N plays Andy who is 20 while Jacob is Michael Vargas who is 31. After their kissing scene Y/N had to take a break.

She doesn’t get it at all. She’s 20 and he’s 11 years older than her! How is she crushing on this man so much?! His fun personality and that goddamn accent doesn’t help it either. The set was being filmed in Georgia today then we’re flying out to Australia to finish up the rest. Andy her character was a simple girl so the glitz and glam wasn’t necessary. The director just asked for Y/N to apply simple makeup so here she was preparing for the hotel scene. Where Andy and Michael kiss and there’s clearly sexual tension between the two prior.

It’s fine ….. at least you’ll kiss him and get it out the way right? You applied your concealer and left it there to dry a bit to get more coverage. A tap on your trailer making you jump.

“Come in!” The door immediately opens with Jacob holding smoothies and a small pouch.

“It’s too late to grab dinner so I managed to get us smoothies. Could you help me apply this stuff” he waves his makeup pouch. He is just too cute.

Jacob was known for his role as Armando in Bad Boys. There’s something about him in a fuller beard and more reserved that turned you on. He sits in the empty chair beside you and watches as you finished up your makeup.

“Honestly you don’t even need that stuff you’re beautiful already.” He casually says as he sips his smoothie.

“Flattering me at this time at night is dangerous, Scipio” you jokingly wiggle your brows at him causing his cheeks to turn pink

“I’m just saying” he puts his hands up innocently.

You dab little dots of concealer on his little imperfections, you didn’t mind them but he had to be camera perfect. Jacob was beautiful as is. You stood between his legs, blending out the concealer while he’s looking up at you. His eyes are sinful. They could make anyone fold.

“Are you nervous? ….for the kiss?” His hands rest on the side of your thighs and you didn’t know how the fuck you stood still cause you wanted to melt right then and there.

“A little bit?….given it’s my first kiss…” You put his finishing powder on and started packing up the products.

“First on screen kiss? Well im honored”

“No Jacob….uhh my first kiss ever….” He thought for a minute as to why anyone would wait this long to kiss someone as enticing as you. Then he remembered you’ve been modeling for most of your younger years and only recently started acting. You barely had a regular childhood.

“Well…” He now stands behind her, looking at her through the mirror.

“Like I said, I’m honored.” He places a soft kiss to her temple before heading out to set.

Oh she was done for.

~~~~~~~~~

Filming the hotel scene

Michael: (sighs) I’ll take the couch

Andy: You’re not sleeping in here. Get your own room

Michael: That’s not how it works

Andy: Well I’m not comfortable with that

Michael: And I’m not comfortable with letting you out of my sight. So….tie me up if it’ll make you feel better, but neither one of us is leaving this room.

Andy: *glares in frustration and sexual tension*

Director: Cut! Good job guys. We’ll finish the rest in 10 minutes. You walked off to grab some water and freshen up. Your nerves getting to you. Andy is the one to initiate the kiss and you don’t know how you’re gonna have the balls to do it. You pep talked yourself in the mirror. He’s just a guy after all.

~~~~~

Director: and ACTION!

Running, fast as you can from someone who could potentially kill you. Trying to find an escape in a panic, was there multiple? Michael was caught up at the hotel with an intruder and I don’t even know if he’s okay. I’m out of breath and I can barely hold on but I’m running. I don’t want to die. I see a fence up ahead and I do my best to climb it. I felt someone grab my leg and I let out a cry for help hoping someone could just save me

Michael: hey hey it’s me it’s okay. I got you. They’re gone.

You drop down into his arms and let out a cry you’ve been holding. Your mom’s secret causing complete chaos to your life. Your heavy breathing subsides and you look up at him. He’s been protecting you this entire time, risking his life for you. Was that time at the bar real? The way he was looking at me, my body couldn’t resist this any longer. I pulled him in for a kiss. A long awaiting kiss.

~~~~~

Characters aside, Jacob’s lips were so soft and his hands felt so big and warm around my waist. We were told that the kiss should last a few minutes. I let out a soft moan, his hands coming up to caress my face as his tongue slips in my mouth. My god. I could stay here. I started to suck on his tongue and he lets out a groan.

“And CUT! Perfect job guys we’ll take a 30 and finish up.”

When we both pulled away, we look at each other for a few minutes then I excuse myself. I headed straight to my trailer not speaking a word to anyone. I’m hot and completely bothered. You took off your jeans since they got ripped from the hooks on the fence. You threw it on the floor, utterly flustered from that kiss when Jacob comes in unannounced.

“H-hey” you said nervously. He closes the door and locks it. Not saying a word to you, eyes on you like you’re his prey. That innocent sparkle in your eyes as if you didn’t just turn him on in ways he didn’t realize was possible. He sits on the couch just watching you, your legs were tightly pressed together trying to find some relief. He notices and lets out a small laugh.

You narrow your eyes at him, this man knew exactly what he was doing to you. You walked over to him, straddling him as he places his hands on your ass.

“What’s so funny?” You questioned him as you take in the scent of his cologne.

“You’re clearly in need of some relief and I’m tired of acting like I don’t want you.” He guides your hips on his leg and you left out a soft gasp. His lips meet your neck as he unbuttons your white bottom up. Your character Andy wearing the most see through top and a black bra has been beyond distracting.

“Jacob!” You let out a moan as he sucks in your neck. He pulls away resting his forehead against yours.

“Tell me to stop and I will. Do you want this?”

“Y-yes” You move your hips against his leg as he pulls you in, getting lost in your lips. Trailing his kisses down to your neck then your chest. He pulls down your bra, massaging your breast, placing one nipple in his mouth. Your moans only being music to his ears. Your clit starting to feel simulated as you kept moving in the same spot.

You call out his name knowing that you were close, you felt your wetness against his jeans.

“Keep going baby, cum on my leg. I’ve got you.” He held you close with one arm as his other hand continues to guide your hips. You could barely even coherent a sentence you were just moaning out for him, reaching your peak. Still you were craving more.

“J-Jacob please touch me. I want you!” He lets you ride out your first orgasm holding you close.

“Before we go any further, please let me take you out to dinner first. It wouldn’t feel right to do this here.”

Oh a gentlemen he is. You agreed and hoped this blossoms into something more.

Taglist: @yeahnohoneybye @cardi-bre91 @onlysarang @romanreignsluver1 @minwn

@armandosbabymama @dyttomori @bbyplutosblog @vergilnelosparda @believeinthefireflies95

[kakushino]

Number 10, sickeningly sweet fluff, Kyojuro, SFW. Perhaps the first confession, was my first thought, but I leave it to your masterful discretion 🤲

𝖄𝖔𝖚’𝖗𝖊 𝖘𝖔 𝖘𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙, 𝖆𝖗𝖊𝖓’𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚?

𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟶 𝔣𝔬𝔩𝔩𝔬𝔴𝔢𝔯𝔰 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔫𝔱

AN: Does this count as confession? Idk but it was forced into my brain by the voices. No beta we die like Sabito

APOLOGIES - I answered the wrong ask! This is the one I was supposed to answer ( @glitchtricks94 ):

I will be writing your ask soon though :(( I'm sorry again

The flowers were numerous in front of you, every colour of the rainbow, and some of them even more, and you had to take a few moments to think what you wanted to pick. The shop owner was busy with another customer - something about a wedding? - so you had plenty of time to contemplate.

Roses, a classic, with variety of meanings depending on the shade. A blue one for his uniqueness, or a bold red to state your feelings clearly? Neither felt exactly right.

The damp thick smell of flowers permeating the shop was so Kyojuro that you could never pass by a flower shop and not think about him.

There was a sunflower - last of its batch - in one of the vases. It still hasn't hit the full bloom, but the colour of it reminded you of Kyojuro's hair. The little description said it represented long life and good luck, best to gift to a family member! It wasn't exactly what you were going for though.

A glance told you he was about wrapping up with the other person, making you pressed for time. A bright flash of red and yellow caught your eye. You plucked the flower from its vase, nearly overtaken by the gerberas, which is why you hadn't seen it at first.

The tiger lily in your hand reminded you strongly of him - his hair and the openness of his heart. The tag said wealth, prosperity and good fortune.

He deserved that, he deserved only the best.

"Hello!" Kyojuro's cheerful voice cut through your thoughts, and you nearly jumped out of your skin.

"Rengoku! I nearly got a heart attack!"

His cheerful laughter reverberated through your body, warming you to the core. This is how he should be - smiling, happy, content.

"Apologies! I didn't mean to cause you any harm! I was simply happy to see you today," his grin was as bright as him. Warmth flooded your cheeks. He had no idea how charming he was.

You were on a mission however, and you had to get to it before you lost your nerve. "Ah, could I please make this into something beautiful?" you showed him the tiger lily you picked, and his expression gentled.

"Right away." He took it, beaming. "Any occasion you want it for?"

You followed him to the counter, butterflies in your belly. "It's for someone special."

You didn't see the way his expression faltered as he added leaves and embellishing flowers to the lily. He hummed as he worked, his forearms flexing and drawing your eyes to his figure.

The small bouquet was breath-taking. A red and yellow framed by green and white, a beautiful arrangement for a beautiful man.

Paying quickly, you admired the flowers in your hands, your nerves set ablaze with anxiety, your face feeling hot as you tried to find courage.

You took a deep breath and met his eyes head on. "This is for you, Rengoku." You offered the arrangement to him.

His stunned expression was something you won't forget for a long while, as was the blush quickly rising to his face, the tips of his ears nearly glowing red.

The moment passed and a warm startled laughter left his lips. You smiled brightly at that.

"You're so sweet, aren't you?" His grin made you fall in love with him all over again.

[kcalsforhim]

𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ ｡ tuesday 14 jan 2025

༄.°

goodmorning, i woke up to send some people from my therapy clinic about when i would have an appointment, i could swear on my moms soul i had an appointment today. no response. i decided to go to sleep

then after a couple hours i woke up again and called them, turns out, i must have magically pulled the date for an appointment out of my ass and i skipped school for no reason sighs. anyways, i don’t clearly remember what i did

i think i flushed some food down the toilet, poffertjes.. i had had them already and i was going to tell my mom i couldn’t resist them. so i did that and then went upstairs and worked out

i walked till i got my 10k i think, i don’t remember fully for how long but i think i just read something ? soon my mom would come home but i was tired and feeling depressed so i didn’t rush down to eat or something. she got mad over something idk. i felt annoyed cause i felt sensitive to noise and she was being more loud than im used to

after a while of laying in my bed i got up and went downstairs, i barely noticed before, but my vision was spinning again.. i missed the feeling. my mom offered me a bite of food and i accepted (counted)

omad :

155g (roughly) homemade tiramisu — 325cal

214g cucumber — 30cal

extra — 46cal

total : 401cal

how i had dinner was kind of complicated. i brought up yesterdays leftovers, but i flushed it all away. i also had double the amount of tiramisu, but jesus christ i didn’t need that much, so i flushed that away too.

so i was left with this piece, and the cucumbers. however, i still felt guilty eating it, although the taste was exactly like how i dreamed it to be, trust me. i know im a wasteful person, but see it this way. if i wasn’t so messed up, i would’ve eaten it anyway, and it would’ve been ending up in the toilet anyway… same thing as purging but without the eating in the first place, so a lot less mentally draining and physically on my health…

i threw away 2 tissues that are exactly as pictured, i sprayed them with perfumes. at this stage the guilt was taking over, so i went on the treadmill with the exact purpose of purging some calories cause i felt so fucking terrible… i was on there for 40 mins and purged about 200 extra cals

for the rest of the night i struggled with hunger and fatigue, but it’s ok, i had worked hard that day to restrict well, even when presented with endless triggers… things not going my way, tempting food, feeling tired, the guilt… all of it pointed to me binging. but i was strong, i was good, i didn’t do it. i deserve atleast a bit of a pat on my back for it from myself…

i also cut myself again today, and pretty bad too. i originally just wanted a few, to fill up some gaps… i missed the pain and maybe even the itchiness ? but i got carried away and now my entire arm is sore and open LOL. im so funny sometimes

i want this cosplay more than ANYTHING, im so serious.. its even on sale rn and its just.. screaming my name ?? imagine how cute ill be if i was so skinny wearing the s size of it.. with a cutely styled wig and cute jirai makeup… ill be so beautiful… ill be so tiny just like kangel actually is.

i love kangel a lot… i mean… i call myself angel, it’s my name, and i use stickers of her on discord all the time. i played the game 1 billion times using haku’s steam account. i just feel like i deserve it… alot… i want it so bad, more than.. anything. more than anything … more than anything !!!!!!!!!! eli please buy it for me i know ur reading please please please please please

everything hurts and i’m a little sad, this girls voice is soothing, and i like the way she strums her guitar.. it’s relaxing,.

𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ ｡ stats for today

streak : 9 days binge free, somehow

cals bruto : 401

cals purged : -218

cals netto : 183

steps : 16.3k

im pretty pleased with my end results, even if today was stressful. my netto calories are better than i’ve been doing in a long time, i would consider myself pretty good for it ! i really hope it boasts SOME kind of result, i have been counting as strict as i can, but with how much food i randomly throw away, its kind of hard to be 100% accurate haha….

my parents have been keeping a watchful eye on the fridge, i just can’t afford to have the toilet randomly clog upppp T_T that would have me sent straight to a psych ward no joke cause they already suspect me arghhh… i’ll keep going as long as i can tho, heh… harm reduction as long as we can, right ? preferably, that would never happen hehehe

༄.°

[littledollll]

Hello! I really love everything you write, I know you must be busy but I have this scenario in my head that won't really leave me alone. It's a Larissa Weems x Reader angst with a happy ending and possibly smut? In my head it starts with unrequited love, reader is pining and courting Larissa, but L continues to reject r until r decides to slowly pull away and overall avoid her. Then groveling and pining Larissa, please give it a happy ending! Oh and if you can make it a smut with sub L, that would be so wonderful! Only if you want! Oh and if you decide that you can't or don't want to do this, it's completely fine! I hope you're doing okay!

Call it revenge

Larissa Weems x reader

A/n: two posts in one day!? What is this! Idk how long ago I got this I’m so sorry, I was looking though my inbox and saw this I just knew I had to write it!

Warnings: unrequited love at first (both sides at different times), pinning, flirting, SMUTTT, vibrators, begging, edging

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“If that Addams girl is making your life impossible I’d be happy to offer some stress relief, Ms. Weems” you had come in to hand over some files she requested, and saw Wednesday walking out of the office with a proud look on her face, clearly she had gotten under Larissa’s skin.

“Thank you for bringing this in, you may leave.” She didn’t even bother to look up at you before dismissing you, you replied with a quiet “of course.” And walked away.

Your attraction to Larissa was no secret, of course you kept an air of professionalism around staff and students but in the rare moments you two found yourselves alone together you were more than open about how you felt.

“You look beautiful as ever Principal weems, I hope your day is as lovely as I find you.” you wouldn’t fail to give her a compliment whenever you ran into eachother in the halls. Larissa would offer you a smile and continue with her day.

It was shameless flirting and flattering compliments Larissa would only smile at, or scoff and then walk away, she didn’t really acknowledge it further than that. She knew it was more than joking around, of course she knew. But in her mind a relationship like this, teacher and principal, could never happen.

“I’m going to that new fancy restaurant in town for lunch today, just to try it out. I was wondering if you’d join me?” Your voice and face were full of hope, and Larissa had to prepare herself to strip it all away with a sigh. “I don’t think that would be appropriate. But enjoy your lunch, miss.”

“It’s just lunch, principal. But as you wish, I’ll be there anyways if you decide to show up.” Just like she expected and much to her dismay, all the excitement drained from your face. You replied monotone and tired, walking away.

She never showed to reciprocate your feelings and you seemed content with just making her smile until a few weeks ago. Now you were getting tired of the constant heartache, it was time to pull back, give up. In truth Larissa wanted nothing more than to give into your antics. And your heart would ache, smile would break, after she turned and walked away or dismissed you.

Eventually you did tired of this. Larissa would always have your heart despite how she treated you, but you couldn’t continue chasing after somebody so unwilling to even notice you.

You forced yourself to move on, step one with that? Cut contact. You only saw eachother in meetings and occasionally in the hallways, though after so long you knew which paths to take to avoid her best. If something was requested of you, you’d send it with a student, as you did with papers, messages and requests.

Larissa took notice of this. Of course she did. Your flirting and compliments had become part of her every day, she didn’t show or say it but it made her beyond happy, so of course it hit her when it all suddenly stopped. Usually you’d take any excuse to be with her at all and even more in her office, but now you avoided her like the plague, it had been weeks since she actually interacted with you.

It’s surprising, what it takes for somebody to notice that maybe you do want somebody in your life, that you crave and appreciate their presence. For her it was this, but maybe it was too late. She would sure as hell try to win you back anyways.

She’d purposely run into you now, give you that beautiful smile you always longed to see, and started it all with a simple “goodmorning” or “have a nice day, darling.” She knew how you felt for her, she knew it would work, slowly, but it would work.

You couldn’t avoid her anymore, she made it impossible. After that she started asking for you directly, making it clear that sending a student wouldn’t work. “It’s so nice to see you, love” always how she greeted you when you showed up in her office.

She’d call you out and specially ask for your opinion during meetings, the attention you were getting from her was more than you could ever wished for, it was working.

Until one say she called you into her office just to start conversation, something she had taken up on doing for the past few weeks. Only she didn’t expect you to come in upset and ready for confrontation.

“What’s your angle here, Larissa. First you pay no attention to me, for fucks sake you’d barely acknowledge I exist, then you reject me every chance you get, and now you start showing interest? What do you want? Do you just miss the attention?” She was shocked. That’s not at all what she wanted you to think, truly she hadn’t noticed how much she truly hurt you, of course she didn’t. She was too busy worried about what everyone else would think, instead of worrying about how you felt.

“No, no. That’s not it at all. Please, let me explain.” With a sigh you sat down on one of the armchairs and waited for her to speak. The only reason it hurt so much was because no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t get over your stupid crush on her, so why not give her a chance to explain?

“I’ve been cold, mean, dismissive, I know that. And I couldn’t possibly excuse that but maybe if you just knew why, you could give me a chance- to maybe take you up on all those past offers, a chance to have us be more than employee and boss, and maybe even more than friends. If you’re still interested?” You’ve never seen Larissa so nervous, maybe that’s what helped you decide, it showed she really did care about making things right.

“Go ahead then.” You really tried to act uninterested but Larissa could see right through it, it made her happy, maybe there was still hope and she did have a chance.

“I’ve always appreciated your words. They made my day, as did your presence when you showed up around the office and always made one of your flirty remarks, trust me they didn’t go ignored in my head.” That made you smile, but you decided to contain it, you were still mad at her after all.

“Truth is I was afraid of what others would think because of the nature of what a relationship between us would be. I am truly sorry I never showed much interest, and even pushed you away every chance id get, it was immature of me to not just talk to you about this before, but that’s why I’m doing it now.”

You’ve never been one to care much about what people think, but it is true that Larissa has always been all about appearances, she cares deeply about this school and her job, it makes sense why she would be so hesitant. You can excuse that.

“I did- I do, want us maybe give things a try. But I only really noticed how much I wanted that when you tired and walked away. It’s why I’ve been trying to make up for all the things I should’ve been doing months ago. I apologize it took me so long to realize, and I apologize I didn’t even stop to think about how I could’ve hurt and confused you.”

That was it, the full confession was out. It was quiet for a moment, Larissa was anxiously bouncing her knee that was thankfully hidden behind her desk as she waited for a response. You seemed to be busy lost in your own mind, and Larissa wasn’t going to push, after all she had no right, not after everything she has and hasn’t done.

“I forgive you, I understand why you were hesitant, and I know how distance can make you come to realize things you never had before.” Larissa looked relieved and she was about to speak before you continued, “you’re also right on the fact you didn’t stop to think about the effects of your actions on me, but again, I forgive you.”

“Could I possibly make it up to you, darling? You deserve more than a simple apology.” There was nothing innocent about that statement, but you weren’t complaining. “Actually yes, come over, you’ll make it up to me tonight.”

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The second you two ran over boundaries you stated two rules: One, she wasn’t allowed to touch you. Two, she wasn’t allowed to make demands.

Larissa wasn’t sure exactly what she was expecting but it most certainly wasn’t this. It was torture to say the least.

“ohh please. please, touch me." That whining wasn’t getting her anywhere, it hadn’t for the past hour and it most certainly wouldn’t now. Maybe she expected you to give into her easily but this was a punishment, this was your way of getting revenge. “I am touching you.”

You held the vibrator against her clit until her moans got louder, puffy cunt clenching around nothing, begging to be stuffed as you pressed the toy against her slick entrance and moved it back to her tortured clit. You told her this was all she’d get, yet she whined and begged for more, you answer was still no.

“M-more please I need more. I’m sorry- please, I’m sorry” it was music to your ears, the sound of her begging for more, begging for you. Still, you weren’t feeling very generous today. “You take what you’re given, stop complaining because you’re coming like this or not at all. Quickly, chose.”

She cried into the bed, hips stuttering but pushing onto the vibrator. She made her choice. Her thighs were shaking and slick with her wetness running down them, and you turned the toy to its highest settings forcing a sob from Larissa as she finally reached her release.

She was reduced to pants and whines has her needy hips continued grinding against the toy. You allowed her that, little by little lowering the strength of the vibrations to help her ride her high until she again stuttered away from you, that was your queue to pull away.

You planted soft kisses up her spine until you reached her neck. Murmuring praises into her skin as your savored every bit of her. You felt her sigh, eyes shutting blissfully, basking in the warmth of your touch, in your gentle care.

You took note of how she remained ready for you, her knees against the bed, hips up. “Lay down, beautiful, let your body rest.” She complied with a whine, that was really it, you weren’t lying when you said that was all you’d give her. Though she was satisfied, she still aches to feel you inside of her. Perhaps another day.

“You’re mean, so mean.” She said, and her exhaustion was clear in her voice. You chuckled, laying down and pulling her on top of you. “I’m the mean one? This is payback for all your rejection, call it revenge.”

[lady-of-ocs]

My throat hurts, I'm back at school, but at least there's Haikyuu

Hellooooooo world. Throat is feeling funky today but I shall persevere. I started season 4 the other day! I'm going into episode 5 I think? I'll watch more later. Might make cocoa for my throat. Anywho. THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODES I'VE WATCHED SO FAR.

Alright, first of all, I don't really hate or love the new animation style of this season. I miss the old one, yes, but this one isn't the worst thing to ever exist or anything. Except for what they did to my beautiful boy, Asahi. I miss the gorgeous man bun angel baby. He's still there but he's also not, you know what I mean?

The whole height measuring thing is such a small scene but it's just so funny. We love to see Yamaguchi hyping up Tsukishima about his height. And Tsukki looks so proud of it, too. They are very close to the top of my Favorite Haikyuu Friendships list. AND ALSO.

THIS FUCKING SCENE. Obviously I've seen it before but I just. UGHHHH I LOVE THEM SO SO MUCH. You see more of the younger Kei when he was softer and less salty when he's just with Tadashi. It says so much about their friendship and Kei's comfort with Tadashi. His content little smile just melts my entire heart. Crying screaming throwing up over them. My notes literally say "Cradling them gently in my hands because GOD I love these two." and that's so real of me

So, I knew about Hinata crashing the first year camp at Shiratorizawa prior to watching season 4. I'd heard about the second hand embarrassment. I DID NOT KNOW IT WOULD BE THIS BAD HOLY FUCK. Tsukki's got a mantra of "you don't know him" going on loop in his head and I'd be right there with him because OH MY GOD. HINATA, HONEY. PLEASE. YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE. And here's the thing, I get that he's unhappy about not getting invited to either training camp. I imagine that it's a big blow to his confidence to have two of his peers get these great opportunities based on how skilled they are and not be invited himself. He's worked just as hard as they have. And Kageyama's comment of "see you at the top" when Hinata was clearly upset surely didn't help (something about it felt especially mean to me. Like, somehow the meanest thing he's said to Hinata even though it's not). BUT COME ON BABE YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE LOSS HERE. BALL BOY ARC YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE ME OUT. And so many of the things he does at the camp just make me curl in on myself. I would not be caught dead acting like that (but to be fair, he's like 15 and I'm in my 20s so I'd hope I was more mature than him). He also made me a little sad several times. Like, Hina baby you are breaking my heart but you did this to yourself holy shit.

Side note: I don't know the name of the guy but one of them has the same English VA as Reki from Sk8 the Infinity and I heard him talk and it took me the fuck out. Hello sweetie. Glad to hear you here.

Hinata getting scolded back to back to back TOOK ME OUT. Could not be me. I'd be crying. And to be fair, it seems like he was about to when he was talking to Tanaka. But Nishinoya appeared and made him feel better and I was so gratefully. I don't like seeing my kids cry.

They haven't shown as much about Kageyama and the National Youth Intensive yet, but I enjoy that a lot more. Far fewer second hand embarrassment moments over on Kageyama's side. Him setting too high because he's used to setting for Hinata was both embarrassing but also oddly endearing? He adjusted, of course (he's an excellent player and can adjust when he needs to), but he's so used to setting for Hinata that his muscle memory automatically wants to set the way he would for Hinata. Not sure how to explain it but yeah. I'm enjoying all of the new characters very much, also. Idk the little white haired bird-looking boy's name yet but I like him. I'm in awe of your skills if that makes you feel any better, sweetie. AND I SEE ATSUMU!!!! Fuck you Miya Atsumu <3

TENDŌ! TENDŌ! TENDŌ! TENDŌ! I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY TO SEE MY BOY. I LOVE HIM THE MOST ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ He brings me such immense joy and I'm so happy he's here. He better come back. HIS LAUGH WHEN HINATA TOLD HIM THAT HE CRASHED THE CAMP. I LOVE HIM. HE'S LIKE KUROO WITH HIS FUCKING HYENA LAUGH. Nobody talk to me while I swoon over Semi Eita. Kicking my feet and twirling my hair. Tendō also in the background making me laugh. Does this boy have bones? He doesn't move like he does.

OBSESSED with the way Tendō is grabbing onto Ushi’s jacket here. Just. I don't even know what to say about it. It's such a small gesture but it's so cute. Tendō, I love you. And Ushiwaka, I love you too for allowing it to happen.

... So I don't know about you but I don't personally look at my platonic friends like this. NO I'M SERIOUS. WHAT IN THE HOMOSEXUALS IS HAPPENING HERE. I WAS SO DISTRACTED BY HOW TENDŌ IS LOOKING AT USHIJIMA IN THIS SCENE THAT I DON'T EVEN FUCKING REMEMBER WHAT USHIJIMA WAS ACTUALLY SAYING. GIVE ME A STRAIGHT EXPLANATION FOR THIS SCREENSHOT I DARE YOU.

I know we're focusing mostly on Hinata at this point in the season but I miss the rest of the team. I like that we occasionally jump back to see what they're doing (as film structure would call it: "meanwhile, back at the ranch"), though. Nishinoya knocking Tanaka over with his chaotic receives? Beautiful. You love to see it. No one being able to serve during that practice match? My dearest darlingest crows, what the hell happened there? Are you kids okay? But I'm sure once the camps are over, we'll be back with the team and I'll get to see all of my boys.

Tsukishima: “You wanna practice with me?” Me: TSUKKIIIIIIIIIII ❤️✨❤️❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨✨✨ I just love Tsukishima tbh. The fact that he's actually willing to practice with Hinata because he knows he can learn from it is soooooo much growth on his part. I'm very proud of him. And he's so smart <3 Salty as ever but very smart

So Kageyama is out here getting insulted and making enemies and Hinata is making friends. Love that for him honestly

So I'm going to take this time to talk about Hyakuzawa AKA 2 meter guy. He was absolutely shattering my heart. Like, STOP BEING MEAN TO HIM YOU GUYS HE'S TRYING HIS BEST 💔 That being said, HINATA IS SUCH AN UPLIFTING AND ENCOURAGING BABY I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. I was so happy to see him stand there and encourage Hyakuzawa and actively help him out. Hinata really just goes and makes friends everywhere he goes and that makes me so happy. When Hyakuzawa actually got the ball up and it cut back to Hinata talking about it giving him time to rest and reset himself when he gets overwhelmed OH it got me. I was squealing about it at 2 AM. And then they high fived and I got really happy that Hinata made another friend. I love seeing him make friends. He's just human sunshine and we love to see it.

I'm starting classes tomorrow but I'll still be watching and posting about it every now and then. I should watch the dumpster battle movie again now that I have all the context. Anyway. Hope I feel better soon

[misguidedasgardian]

Desire & Duty (3)

3. Helaena & Aemond

MASTERLIST

Summary: It’s all about Helaena and Aemond today ❤️

Pairings: Aemond x Targaryen!reader x Helaena

Warnings: Medieval ASOIF Customs, canon incest, cursing, polyamorous, incestous polygamy, Aemond is obsessed with his girls on girl love 😂,  breeding kink, oral sex, (f &m receiving), face sitting, cum eating, dirty kissing ANYWAYS, all of it Idk, is pure smut with little plot.

Wordcount: 2.8 k 

Notes: perhaps is too OCC to make them this horny it's is snowing where I am so... jiji I needed something to warm me up if you know what I mean

That morning felt you had died and were in one of the seven rings of heaven

You woke up with the sight of the sun hitting your sister’s beautiful silver curls,making them shine like they were made of glitter, she opened her big eyes and looked right at you, their pupils enlarged once she saw you, and they shone like amethysts 

You then looked up and Aemond was sleeping still, his breathing soft and steady, his arms wrapped around the both of you, grabbing you greedily, like you could evaporate in the middle of the night.

“Good morning”, you whispered, she misled sweetly

“Good morning love”, she greeted back. You felt a tingle in your belly, and even if you were a little sore you wanted to make love to them again, and you almost felt ashamed to feel like this

Helaena giggled, it seemed she had this ability to read your minds at times

“I want it too”, she confessed with a wide smile

You leaned in over Aemond, and kissed her gently, her hands went to the side of your face to touch you even more. Aemond moved under you, his hand went to your back to touch you gently, you both had clearly woken him up.

“You just woke up”, you heard him moan, clearly aroused, and surprised by the needs of yours and your sister’s. You placed your hand on his hard belly, and then your hand went down his stomach to continue until you reached his hard cock. He whimpered under you as you stroke him, but your attention kept being on Helaena 

You climbed over Aemond to be finally on top of your sister, your mouth was on her at all times, 

The first thing Aemond saw when he woke up was you between Helaena’s soft thighs. His sister moaned softly, grabbing her tits to have something to hold on to, as you licked a long stripe along her wet folds 

“You two are insatiable”, he admired, as he cradled sweet Helaena’s cheek and kissed her gently, drawing her moans on his lips 

You didn’t like that, you wanted to hear her, so you latched your lips on her clit while you used two fingers to tease her entrance. That did the trick as you finally heard her again, the whimpers and her sweet begging for more.

You didn't stop until her thighs were shaking and she screamed your name, cumming in your tongue when you ate her out more intensely. She was always so receptive to your touch, always, and you loved that.

You released her from your soft hold and left her whimpering, grabbing onto Aemond for dear life. 

He kneeled in the bed right next to you, as you both looked down on Helaena, trying to regain her composure

“We are off to a good start”, he purred, kissing your cheek, and then you mouth, wanting to taste your sister in your mouth. She whined underneath you, claiming for your attention

“She is a needy one”, he whispered, smiling wickedly, you liked this horny Aemond you were coaxing out of his shell. 

“Please”, she begged, reaching for you, “I need you”

“You have us”, you whispered at the same time as your brother.

Aemond dove in first, leaning over Helaena to kiss her

“You are going to give me babies as well, aren’t you?”, he whispered, “I know you want my seed”, she only nodded

“Yes, please”, Aemond grunted, please, and you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself as you caressed his naked shoulder, and then his body, as he placed himself between Helaena’s thighs. 

She moaned when she felt him entering her, and you moaned also, wantonly, feeling so horny, wanting them both, bot you were left unattended

But like you believed, Helaena read your mind, signaling for you to be near her. When you kneeled by her side, she grabbed one of your thighs, and you obeyed what she wanted, you passed one over her head and hunched over her, your intimacy over her mouth

“Helaena… ah!”, you never had done this in this position, but she grabbed your thighs with her hands and made you sit on her sweet face. You felt her tongue penetrate your entrance and you screeched, moving your hips desperately over her.

Aemond grabbed the back of your head and made you lean in to kiss him. 

You devoured his mouth, stifling your moans into him, and she was just delving into you, his hands cupping your tits, pinching your nipples which made you buck your hips into your sister’s mouth. 

It didn't take you long to cum, the bare realization of what you were doing was enough to place you near enough of your climax. After you did though, you fought against your sister’s hands to release yourself from her. You were barely starting and you didn't want to be overstimulated just yet. 

You just laid next to your sister, caressing her softly, kissing her soft skin, as she was pounded by Aemond. 

You loved Helaena’s soft skin, she used to be so shy after giving birth to the twins, her skin around the belly was looser, but that only made it softer, and even more beautiful. you admired your sister so so much, she was a great mother, and she had been a great Queen, beloved by the small folks 

Aemond’s hands were on you, placing you on top of your sister, your ass and intimacy at his mercy. He grabbed the globes of your butt, hard. Helaena took one of your tits in her mouth, making you whine loudly 

 And that is how you spend all morning, pleasing Helaena, it was her turn after all.

You were already spent and it wasn’t even noon, as you let yourself fall by Aemond’s side, placing your hand on his chest, sticking your body to his side, just like Lena was doing on his other side. 

“You want children from both of us?”, you asked in a whisper, drawing invisible shapes in his chest, feeling his seed dripping out of you.

“Of course I do”, he said, leaning in and kissing the top of Helaena’s head 

He then released himself from your hold

“I need to get you something to eat, my beautiful girls”, he whispered tenderly, kissing the both of you and then he stood up from the bed and left the room after covering himself with a robe he found around.

Immediately you cuddle with Helaena, seeking her warmth. Dragonstone was beautiful but it wasn’t known for its warmth or sun.

“Do you want more children?”, you asked softly, and she only nodded

“Only for Aemond”, she answered gently, you only nodded, rubbing your cheek against her soft beautiful hair, caressing her head softly, “do you want to bear his children?”, she asked then

“Yes I do”, you answered with a small smile

“Do you truly believe everyone will be fine with us?”, she asked fearfully

“They love you”, you said seriously, “besides, the dragons does not concern himself with the opinion of sheep, they will get over it, as long as Aemond and the small council manage to help the people to recover front he war, they won’t care what we do in the inside of our chambers”, she nodded, chuckling softly

“You are right”, she whispered 

“What about Aemond?”, you asked then, and she looked at you with surprise

“What about him?” 

“I’m his Visenya, you are his Rhaenys”, you whispered sadly

“That’s not true”, she whispered with a shy smile, “he wanted to marry you first, I’m his Visenya, he married me because he pitied me”

“Or perhaps you are my Helaena and my (y/N)”, he said, surprising you both, you looked at him wide eyed, “and I wanted to marry you both since I found out from Aegon that you two liked to spend their nights together”

You both felt your cheeks reddened 

“You are not Rhaenys or Visenya, and I’m certainly not Aegon the Conqueror”, he said softly, “we are Helaena, (y/n) and Aemond”

You both smiled and reached for him, and he smiled

“But I’m going to need a second”, he chuckled looking down at his manhood, “and you both need to eat, what kind of husband would I be if I don’t feed my wives something else than my seed?”

You covered yourself hastily with the sheets when the door opened suddenly, and a group of servants came in, carrying trays of food, a small feast they placed over the big table in the corner of the room and then they left with blushed faces, trying not to look at the naked Queens laying in the bed. 

“I need some wine”, you giggled, getting up from the bed, grabbing a silk robe and covering yourself, and then walking to the table, you were indeed starving

Helaena rose too, and you admired her beauty, her nakedness, her beautiful hair loose, not a single braid, her mane looked like the one of a Lion, you then looked at Aemond, his hair also wild, loose, his sapphire there for only the both of you to see, he was so handsome, you had always thought so.

He caught you staring, and smiled, as he sat by the table and started snacking on the food with his fingers, you did the same, eating what you could,  sipping on your goblet of wine. 

But soon you were hungry for more.

You didn't know if you believed this was too good to be true, and you wanted to get the most of it before you woke up… Or what, but you were horny all the time, you didn’t want to leave this room, you didn't want to leave this bed… 

You looked at Aemond and you wanted to eat him, again he caught you staring and smiled, with a loud noise he separated the chair from the table, making a space for you in between them. 

“I think it’s Aemond’s turn”, you whispered, as Helaena sat and eat, you let her, walking towards your brother you sat on his lap, and leaned in to kiss him gently on the lip, his hands were on you in a second, opening your robe to touch your skin, he wouldn’t settle for fabric.

You abandoned his mouth to kiss him down his cheek, especially in the trail of his scar, and then his sharp jaw, and then his neck, to his chest…

But you wanted something else 

You released yourself from his grasp, to kneel between his thighs

“It's a crime to make you kneel”, he whispered huskily. Helaena just looked at you entertained, siping on her cup of wine. 

“You are my King, are you not?”, you teased, looking up at him through your lashes

“Do you want to go to bed?”, you only shook your head, placing your own robe strategically under you so it wouldn’t hurt your knees 

Aemond breathed in heavily, waiting with excitement was what to come.

With your fingers you undid the low knot that kept his robes together, undressing him, revealing his hard cock, you looked up at him and found him so handsome, so beautiful, even with his scar, especially with his scar. He looked like those drawings of the statues of the Valyrian Gods.

Even his cock was pretty, you took him in your hands and stroked him, making him moan, reaching for you, you leaned in until he could caress your head, your silvery locks just like his. 

You had never done this before, but you guessed it wasn’t hard. You pleased Helaena with your mouth, you could do the same for him, so you licked the tip softly, making him buckle under you.

You placed your hands on his thighs, caressing them, and you felt him tremble beneath you, you felt so powerful. One of your hands remained on his thigh while the other grabbed the base of his cock, it was big, not that you had anything to compare it to, but, you guessed that not even after your best effort you could take him while in your mouth.

But that didn’t mean you couldn’t try. You took him in your mouth, just the tip and you sucked making him whimper in need, grabbing his own thighs, one hand over yours to prevent himself from grabbing you by the hair and pushing down on him, he didn’t want to push you.

You stroked his cock as you licked him.

“Fuck”, he moaned, as saliva started dripping down your chin, as you took more of him in your mouth. You felt yourself getting wet and you wanted more, more of him, more of everything 

You became more brave in your quest for giving him pleasure, so you sucked him harder, slurping noises spurring you on, and him, as he started bucking his hips into your mouth.

“I want to cum inside you”, he begged, as he was feeling himself getting hard.

So you released him, making a mess of yourself. He grabbed you roughly, pulling up towards him. You straddled him, whimpering when you felt his cock touch your pussy

“Come here”, he led his cock to your entrance and you just sat on him, impaling yourself in his length

You had been fucking for less than a day and yet, you were so comfortable, he had molded you to him, and you wanted it 

You grabbed you by your hips, moving you on top of his, feeling his cock inside you sparked pleasure in all your boy, making you see stars whenever you closed your eyes

He leaned in and kissed you, wasn’t sweet or tender this time, he was passionate and rough, like he wanted to possess you, to have you all to himself, you liked what you were discovering about him, you loved him.

You moaned loudly, grabbing onto his shoulders for stability to ride him properly, your legs folded and coiled with them, as you rode him up and down his thick cock.

“Aemond”, you whined, “lēkia”

“My love”, he whined, moving you even faster above him, making your hips buck forwards and backwards. That made his cock rubbed your clit, and consequently, made your head spin, your eyes rolled to the back of your skull, and you could feel the knot in your lower belly tightening, teasing your impending release

Aemond looked over your shoulder at Helaena, who was looking right at you both as she was popping grapes into her mouth lazily

He stood up from the chair after grabbing your thighs to not drop you, you screamed when he went even deeper inside of you, he walked towards the bed and layed you upon it, and from here, he could pound into you like he wanted.

He ravaged you, he started fucking into you, hard, fast, even angrily, but you loved it, maoning desperately, your arms coiling around his shoulders, your nails scratching his skin. 

“Aemond…”

“Fuckin moan for me”, he said with a wide smile

Helaena wanted to interact, so she walked towards you both, as Aemond stood, still inside you, at the foot of the bed, Helaena climbed on top of you, like you had done, she kissed you, moaning when Aemond placed his hand on her body 

She gave open mouthed kisses all over your jaw, neck and chest, taking one of your breasts in her soft lips, licking, nibbling, sucking, making you cry out. Your hand sneaked between you, teasing her clit, and then her entrance, making her buck her hips, rubbing herself against you. 

 “AH!”, you moaned when you finally cummed, thinking you must have died, and truly be in one of the seven heavens. 

The night found you three cuddled together in the bed

“Is this how our whole week is going to be?”, purred Helaena

“We should not get badly accustomed”, you said back, “we are bound to return to King’s Landing”, you murmured sadly, thinking of a good plan to get the children from the castle and have them sent here, so you would never return to the continent.

“We are getting back only when I’m satisfied”, said Aemond and you looked at Helaena, shocked at what you had unleashed within your brother. His finger traced invisible figures in your naked backs. 

“And are you ever going to be satisfied?”, you giggled

“No, but, I will be when I get to know every inch of your needy bodies…”

taglist!

@sloppy0bitch @sweethoneyblossom1 @aemondsdelight @floofdeloop @fangirlninja67 @hc-geralt-23 @watercolorskyy

[simpforchuchu]

Could I get something with Tsukasa please? Idk maybe something cute idk I just love him so much

First Smile | Tsukasa Takajo x reader fluff

a/n: Hello, I’m struggling about writing too much these days but here it is🫡 It is all fluffy and soft 😭 I hope you like it ��💕

Sorry for the grammer or spelling mistakes.English is not my main language so...

Thank you and love you 🥰

Warnings: none

The blonde boy felt the absence of his best friend more and more every day. Going to school every morning felt like torture.

Today he used that road again, which he had not used for a long time. While walking slowly to school, he saw that the restaurant where he and Fujio had eaten was no longer there. A small cafe was opened in its place.

When he smiled at the memories that came to his mind and wanted to continue his way, he saw someone smiling at him in the corner. A cute girl, who he thought was around his age, was looking at him and smiling. Not knowing how to react, he gave a small nod and continued walking.

While the beginning of the week was bad as usual, Tsukasa took that route again on the second day. He didn't even know why he was passing there. Did he want to remember the memories again? Or were his feet pulling him somewhere?

While passing by the cafe, the young boy saw the same girl again. He thought she must be working here. After placing the orders on the table with a smile, the young girl raised her head and their eyes met again.

He wanted to turn her head and leave. It was annoying that someone would smile at him when he felt so miserable. But before he could react, the girl quickly came to him.

“Hello,” she said cheerfully. “We still have tables if you want to come.”

The young girl had a very sweet voice. He didn't know what a beautiful voice should be like, but Tsukasa could show her voice as the most beautiful voice.

“Thank you,” the young boy answered clearly. He had a cold tone as usual. “I have to go to school.”

The young girl nodded and smiled.

“We always would like to see you here, have a nice day.”

She was a kind person. Maybe she was just like that because of her job. He didn't know. But he shook his head and started walking again.

While he was dealing with a different problem every day at school, he wanted the days to end as soon as possible. The young boy continued to use that road throughout the week. He passed by the same cafe every day, greeted her with the young girl's smile and went to school. But he didn't even know why he did this.

School that day was going worse than ever. His friends were beaten and he didn't know what to do. He thought everything was pointless.

That day, the young boy passed by that cafe much later than usual. Although the young girl was surprised, she smiled again. He felt his heart ache when he looked at the girl whose name he didn't even know.

“Don't smile at me, please don't. I don't have the strength to smile back." he thought. But the young girl had already decided to walk towards him.

"Hello."

When she greeted with her usual sweet voice, Tsukasa didn't want to open his mouth. He was having a terrible day and was afraid of saying something wrong. Still, he nodded slightly.

“I think you're going somewhere, but something tells me you'll find answers wherever now you go. You won't regret it, you're making the right decision."

Y/n smiled as Tsukasa looked at the young girl in shock. When someone inside called out to the young girl, she turned around and nodded her head.

"Sorry. I have to go, take care.”

The girl, whose name he learned days later was y/n, he looked after her for a while as she left. What and how did she know? Even he hadn't decided yet to go see Fujio.

Even though it was a little scary, there was only a peaceful feeling inside him.

The next day, Tsukasa passed by that cafe again, quite late. He even thought the cafe was closed, but he came anyway. When he saw the tables starting to clear, he hesitated whether to go in or not. Moreover, he was sure that the girl would think he was crazy when she saw the dried mud on his clothes and face.

He decided to turn around and leave. But before he could turn around and leave, the young girl left the cafe with garbage bags in her hands.

When she saw the young boy covered in dried mud in front of the door, of course she had a surprised expression on her face. But then her gaze softened and she smiled.

“Good evening, unfortunately we are closing.”

"I know," Tsukasa said with a smile. The young girl smiled again when she saw him smile for the first time. “I came to see you.”

Y/n looked at him in surprise, there was no stern expression on her face but she was surprised.

“I wanted to say thank you. Face to face.Maybe I'm scaring you right now, I'm sorry."

“No,” the young girl giggled. “You don't scare me. I guess I was just a little worried and surprised."

Tsukasa smiled and nodded

“I literally rolled in the mud.”

Y/n laughed, Tsukasa thought once again how beautiful she was.

“Sometimes beauty cannot be covered despite all the dirt. I know you're a good person, so you don't scare me."

Tsukasa shyly muttered a thank you when the young girl suddenly spoke her mind.

“Well… how did you understand?”

"From your eyes. You had tired, bored but kind eyes. Now you look more hopeful but still kind.”

Tsukasa smiled again.

“Actually, I wanted to ask how you understood that day. Did you understand from my eyes again?

Y/n giggled.

“I can feel that you are missing someone, there was an uncertain expression on your face.Just… I just wanted to help you choose, I guess…. So how did it go? Did you regret it?

Tsukasa smiled again and shook his head.

“No, that's why I came to thank you. Tsukasa, Takajo Tsukasa.” The blonde boy introduced himself and y/n smiled.

“Y/n, nice to meet you.”

Tsukasa nodded and took out a small chocolate bar from his pocket.

“You must be tired after all day. Please accept it as a small thank you gift, y/n. Tomorrow, I will come again. To the cafe.”

Y/n laughed and nodded. She thanked him, took the chocolate and put it in her pocket.

As Tsukasa said goodbye, he felt at peace again after a long time. His best friend was coming back, but life wasn't as bad anymore as he waited for his return.

HnL taglist : @straysugzhpe @tiddly-winx @ninamarie1994 @thatpoindexterpixy @koala-yuna @star2fishmeg

[laventadorn]

Hi. Me again. In canon Umbridge finds out about Dumbledore's Army/Defense Club due to Umbridge giving Marietta Edgecombe (I think that was her name), Cho's friend, truth serum. But, I was speculating the nuance of actual betrayal, and forcing the younger generation to re-asses their house biases. Like, maybe b/c of the presence of a Slytherine, people just assume the worst of them. Harriet defends them. Only, for it to be a fellow Gryffindor, or Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw who sells them out to Umbridge. Whether you go there or not in your fanfic, I was just curious about what you think of the nuance of the positive/negative extremes of ALL the houses. I think it was confirmed Umbridge was in fact in Hufflepuff, which shows the fine line between loyalty and fanaticism. Pettigrew was Gryffindor; the fine line between bravery and ego. Ravenclaw can probably be so practical that they sometimes don't think about people's feelings. And through Snape (especially the way you write him ; chef's kiss) we see the nuance of Slytherine. And since you're keeping Cedric, I hope we get more POVs (however brief they may be) of the other house characters. I LOVE that you're expanding Harriet's circle of friends, slowly but surely. Hermione and Ron will always be her closest friends. But, I loved how we saw Cho, and even Fleur in 4th yr, Asteria - I hope we see more Millicent - so, I look forward to more of that goodness. I think that's one of the reasons why I keep coming back to your fics for re-reads. You've added nuance that I felt was lacking in canon. Anyway, thank you for writing such a beautiful story.

hello again! someone once said "JKR divided the human race into four groups and then ignored two of them," which i think is pretty accurate... and the older i get, the sillier the whole house system seems. my brain is not operating at its peak today, so some of this might be garbled nonsense or just repeating the obvious, but:

to me, the houses don't have any inherent value as a means of determining character. i think it would be more accurate to say that people are sorted based on how they want to appear to others or how they think of themselves. this isn't a bad thing per se -- i think it's neutral and natural. it might not even be conscious, especially when they're young.

we can read harry's experience this way, for example. dumbledore says "it's our choices that determine who we are" and cites the example of harry turning down slytherin and choosing gryffindor, but i would argue this is not because slytherin is inherently evil or gryffindor inherently good; harry made his choice based on how the houses were described to him. the sorting hat frames it differently than hagrid did (slytherin is the "way to greatness" vs. the bad people house). harry doesn't want to be bad*, so he just says "not the bad people house" until the sorting hat gives up. it's more like the house system reinforces beliefs or biases because you get 4 separate groups who establish what behavior is "the best," and then what could have been a minor inclination (or even a major one) gets reinforced into something bigger. hufflepuff seems to have the least issue with this, as helga is described in one of the songs as "tak[ing] all the rest," i.e. the kids that didn't sort into the other three houses with their prized qualities of courage, intelligence, and ambition. a person doesn't have to be smart to get into ravenclaw, they just have to prize intelligence (or want to be perceived as wise or intelligent). in her mind, umbridge could believe that she is very loyal to traditional wizard values, but in reality, she's just a sadist who loves control (fanaticism). peter probably wanted to be seen as brave because he was scared of everything all the time -- but then he wasn't actually brave, and this could've reinforced his inferiority, especially adding in james and sirius' bullying behavior and his own clearly mixed admiration and resentment.

idk, i'd like harriet to just realize the house system is so deeply flawed and largely based on pure perception as to be inherently meaningless. maybe she doesn't make a big platform out of it, but she's already pretty much decided this on a subconscious level from her interactions with asteria and snape. so if someone were to ask her, she'd say, "i dunno, it doesn't really seem to matter. just do what you think is right."

and: thank you! c:

ETA:

*it could be argued that harry doesn't want to go to the bad people house because the dursleys have always labeled him as a nasty, rotten boy etc. and he doesn't want to wind up in that position in the wizarding world. (plus, what child wants to be seen that way?) then he meets malfoy, who makes him feel small, and this reinforces his No Slytherin point of view. these are very child-appropriate concerns, so i'm not saying this is narrow-minded of the text; it feels quite honest, really. of course, this is just about Not Slytherin; the Hat puts harry in gryffindor based on what it senses in his personality. so maybe i'm undermining my own point :)

[the1975attheirverybest]

i just need some tender caring matty right now. im so touch staved and in need of some form of affection it's really hard for me at the moment sorry to bother you

I’m so sorry that you are having a hard time baby 💝 I’m here if you wanna talk about it. Never apologize! You’re not bothering me at all!! Here’s a little something. Just wrote this on the spot and I’ve been having major writing insecurity, so idk if it’s any good, but I hope it can at least make you smile.

———

Matty smiled and sprung to his feet as soon as he heard the door click open.

“Hi, baby!” He chirped as he watched her walk into their home, and peel off the layers of clothing she’d stuffed herself into earlier that day.

She was caught off guard. She hadn’t expected him to be home yet. In fact, she distinctly remembers him saying that he would be at the studio all night tonight. Which is why she hadn’t bothered to even smile. The surprise shaking her emotions even more.

Matty’s brows furrowed as he made his way towards her. Even in the dim light of their entryway, he could see the look on her face. “Hey…what’s the matter?”

His soft, cooing tone was tugging at her heartstrings. She forced herself to smile weakly. It wasn’t his fault that she’d had the worst day imaginable. He was clearly in a great mood before she walked in, and she didn’t want to bring him down. She shook her head, “nothin”

Matty knew her too well to believe the lie. He placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing gently and watching her relax as his simple gesture had located the pressure points in her body. He smiled softly at her. “Hey, tell me what’s going on…”

She looked up at him, his eyes twinkling, his beautiful hair hanging loosely all over his face, a loving smile reflected on his lips. The sight of him, alone, could make her forget all her troubles. She felt herself breathe again. Her mind slowed down. The spiral she had been caught in seemed to unwind. Perhaps for the first time today.

“Just- umm- had a bad day.”

Matty’s face scrunched, as if feeling sympathy pains. Her wrapped her fully in his arms, squeezing her to his side and kissing her forehead. “I’m sorry, my love.” He spoke against her head. “You’re home now. Bad day is over.”

She felt her lips physically curve into a smile as she leaned her body weight onto him.

“C‘mon. Sit down.” He led her over to the couch where he’d been sitting moments ago. “Take a sip of this, it’ll help.” He handed her his tea mug before slotting his body behind hers and proceeding to massage her shoulders.

Her eyes fluttered shut, her head tilting backwards.

Matty giggled, “careful you’ll spill your tea.”

“Just- don’t worry about it. Keep doing what you’re doing -that feel so…good.”

He smiled, pleased with his own skillful touch.

He was right though. Moments later, she felt her body relaxing into mush, and she worried she would no longer be able to hold up the mug. Placing it back on the coffee table, she crawled up the couch to snuggle him. He pulled her into his lap, her legs draped across his body, her feet hanging off the other side. She rested her head against his chest, sighing deeply and taking in his scent. They remained perfectly still for a long minute.

Once her mind had returned to the present. She looked up at him through her lashes. “You’re home early.” Finally noticing what she’d been too stressed to acknowledge.

“George and I ended up finishing a whole song. Wrapped up earlier than expected. And thank god I did, cuz you needed me.”

She smiled, nodding at him.

“Well, what do you say I go get us some dinner? Little takeaway. I’ll run you a bath to enjoy while I’m gone. We can eat, then, when you’re ready, I’ll fuck you nice and good. Make sure you forget allllll about your day, hmm?”

[iteh3xael]

Witchcraft Ask Game

What drew you to witchcraft?

Old bestie in HS was into it (we bonded over Charmed) and then had a REALLY weird series of run ins once I graduated college and did some psychedelics. Remembered I used to lucid dream and was fascinated by the Christian Book of Revelation as a CHILD and that kind of all merging into the queer pagan I find myself today.

2. Do you follow a specific witchcraft tradition, or are you eclectic?

I have a whole theory on DND and how witchcraft plays into that and how we basically are imbued with the power of our namesake and then the rest of kind of based on whatever you're exposed to and I'm not saying crystals will straight up give you super powers but like, runes have meaning and maybe don't fuck the stalachtite

3. Do you believe in the Threefold Law or karma in witchcraft?

There's something to be said about consequences to actions and the 2nd Law of Newton (equal and opposite) and 1st Law of Thermo (energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred) that definitely applies. FMA also taught me about fucking with life and death magic and you gotta be REALLY careful with what you ask for because the universe is VERY finicky.

4/5. What advice would you give to someone who feels called to witchcraft but is unsure where to begin?

Gonna self plug a post here about things I wish I knew when I started (everyone actually practices to a degree, it's just become really archaic to exist in a present fashion while also embracing the wonderment of things like dreams.

6. Have you ever had a dream or vision that felt prophetic?

Used to! Don't as much but I think it's a skill. Some people naturally have premonitions through dreams and mine are more like vivid intrusive thoughts that play through my head and I have to figure out which is actually useful.

7. What do you think of Aleister Crowley?

Ngl had to Google who that was because I don't really follow many contemporary people and knew he was a "magician" of sorts but I don't take any stock in orgs like the Free Masons or even Satanism even if I think there's probably ~something~ there. He was clearly smart enough to make it work but idk how much is just really smart social engineering (he was a spy, afterall) and a smattering of esoteric networking that led to him being fairly successful at whatever his craft was

8. Do you think witches can create their own deities?

So... I think witches occupy a kind of weird realm/dimension (on my scale it's on like, the 6th degree akin to the "inverted" dimension where we would think of them being akin to IRL angels) and so our calling is rooted in whatever incarnation pulls from original sources. Our names have power and "create" the source of inspiration (deities, gods, spirits, w/e) hence why we "choose" them when "coming out" as a way of embracing our sense of servitude to a higher being outside of our general sense of self.

9. How do you feel about people worshiping deities from pop culture?

Sure, why not lol.

10. What’s your opinion on the idea that "all magic comes with a cost"?

Ohhh yes yes yes. Hence why I affirm that people need to be serious about their approach to science as magic is just when science and art come together perfectly (think of siren's and their songs, beauty inspiring wars, love SAVING people).

11. What’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you during a spell?

For years, I had never done a spell with another person before and kind of just fucked around and using objects that I figured would have SOME use, I just didn't know what for.

For instance: there was this ridiculous rubber ducky I got from some rando woman at a hotel from a work thing I was at in bumfuck Pennsylvania where she basically FORCED it upon me after I literally said no and tried to give it back but they were SO insistent despite being a complete stranger. I HATE having useless shit and usually just throw it away immediately but I didn't want to be rude so I threw it into my bag and kind of forgot about it.

Anyway, fast forward to me visiting my old bestie (mentioned prior) talking about The Craft while I'm unpacking my bag and how I never could seem to figure out spells while at the SAME time, being like "Oh hey! Do you want this rubber ducky?"

They flipped their shit because, there is a VERY particular spell about rubber duckies and not just finding one, a portion of the spell reads:

"...presented by hand, in a way that's select

a peculiar find, to earn the craft's respect"

and since then we did a spell about keys that still kind of haunts me to this day so uh... be careful y'all lol

12. If you could cast one spell right now, what would it be and why?

A relationship healing spell. Any help would be greatly appreciated. <8

13. What’s your belief on the afterlife, and how does it affect your spiritual practices?

I definitely think there's another realm out there and I try to just be present with what comes my way since this reality is already full of surprises. I really don't do any major spirit work because I kind of have a deep seated respect where the sense of awe is a bit terrifying so I just kinda see where it takes me and ask mindful questions.

14. What’s your opinion on the importance of connecting with the land in witchcraft?

Plz touch more grass lol If the elements of the Earth (AT LEAST FOUR of them aren't present when approaching a situation, you might need to recenter.

15. How do you feel about using magic to influence others?

Whether we like it or not, magic will ALWAYS be used to influence (literally just think of money or words as a concept). We have a duty to be responsible wielders for we are practitioners in a Dark Art that has a reputation for being misconstrued as evil. Embrace all the shades and don't be shy from the glimmers from the light :3

16. What’s your opinion on hexing or cursing?

I would advise against it though my namesake literally deals with them so uh, just be wise.

17. Do you believe in spiritual psychosis?

I want to say yet but honestly unsure of the full scope of the question so... TBD?

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary479

1/18-19/24

saturday - sunday

rewatched a david lynch movie today,

going to try and watch some ones i haven't seen next, the elephant man tomorrow probably? idk. we will see. i also should go walk and get stuff tomorrow. before i get to talking about blue velvet, i did record vocals today! really feel like i hurt myself but that's okay. i should try to not do that and practice more before recording / warmup more again, like i used to, and then... have a better idea about the vocals than i had. i really need to be in better practice because it so totally sucks sucks sucks to not feel like you're getting it right. but i got a decent bit of the song right i think. so there's a good chunk complete. i also finally got the latency all the way down, which makes me very happy and my timing isn't actually as bad as i thought it was, always. i also played guitar a lot today and wrote some funny stuff down. hope i can develop these calluses so it doesn't hurt to play and develop my finger strength too. get those up... maybe i'll be okay one day... then when i get an interface... it's so over...

okay, blue velvet... i didn't do much of anything else today. i guess i sweat a lot, recording. if that counts for anything. so blue velvet:

i've seen this one before ofc but i just felt like seeing it again, going back to this earlier lynch. very crazy film, but not really nearly as crazy as a lot of his later work i think, which isn't to its detriment but it does leave me craving some of the intensity and confusion of some of the later work, though the story is clearly not fit for that, and that's also the point of it a bit, that it is this mystery, though the mystery isn't truly solved i think, in that way there's a void, what they were really doing, what frank really was up to, any why re: frank, he's an eruption out of normalcy, it feels like, a supremely normal basically small town, so idyllic, he is of it, he's of that nostalgia, too, the old rock and roll, of that stuck in time quality small places in america seem to have. he's this dream formation of american animus almost, or maybe more particularly a kind of masculinity, needing to be the father and the child, tended to at all times and the cause of everything, a force of violence, gripping the world without understanding i think, enforcing himself on everything. a kind of psychotic patriarchal violence, beyond that he is a vision of what people's imaginary of the underbelly, reasonless crime almost, strange figures, the conservative fantasy invents / materializes him to protect itself almost. but clearly the movie isn't just frank, it's the relation he has to jeffrey, at one point saying: you're like me. this is after jeffrey is violent towards dorothy, there is some truth to it and he can't even deny it on the joyride, at an earlier point, jeffrey laments, why are there people like frank, but it becomes clear, this is a common theme for lynch i feel like, that anyone can cross over, there isn't any stable position. jeffrey's most important line is probably in response to sandy saying:

i can't tell if you're a detective or a pervert.

(is that precisely it? i can't recall... such an awful memory...)

he says:

that's for me to know and you to find out.

we never know the case ourselves either, they're folded into the same thing almost. to explore these mysterious things, these emanations, where the originating point isn't somewhere outside, but right beneath your feet, as illustrated in the opening with the insects and so on. but something about this film that i feel is achieved better in his later films, the division here between the terrible and good is maintained more, there is a resolution of some kind, where the robins come, the lives of jeffrey, his family, sandy and her family, are flooded with love, as in her dream. it's hard to square that away for me, it's a beautiful image but it's also one that wigs me out a little, it speaks to a kind of fantasy that the emanation that the situation we are in, the culture we are in, produces, can be put away, that there is something permanent. and this almost mystical quality about it, that it's love, the oppositions are obvious, idk though, the film kind of complicates this too. frank is shown crying to blue velvet, this kind of obsession with the song and the material, his love of music, there's this quality to him that he's caught up in something that he can't escape, that he doesn't see everything and he's always putting on some act, when he's with ben, at his house, always calling him suave, aspiring to be like him it seems like, following his lead. there's something odd there. there's something about fathers in that. in fact, jeffrey's father being so terribly injured, and at the end his health is restored, he's finally free of the need, maybe, to go searching. i guess the question is if the lack that propelled jeffrey ahead is handled, i don't believe so... he's clearly messy as a character, he's strange and awkward, he crosses a line with dorothy, hitting her twice, the dream he has recalling that disturbing, weeping over what he did, i think, weeping over how tragic she is, that she's trapped, and not just that he seems incapable of doing anything, but that all he seems to be capable of is take advantage on some level. he is profoundly guilty, and doesn't know what to do but get lost deeper in those weeds, rather than a heroic throwing himself to the fire, mostly what he does in the film, is get lost in a nightmare, he crosses over into that world upon meeting frank, but he never stops having been there. though i worry about my line of thinking, isn't this what makes me have ocd freakouts over being a bad person? that it sticks? well, the thing is mostly that i haven't really participated in sexual violence towards someone like dorothy, but i don't think he didn't love her. he's clueless and lost, encountering something awful, seeing it revealed to himself that the capacity for those awful acts aren't outside him. i suppose then the ending can be read less as a confirmation that the evil has to be driven out by the thing that invents it, law enforcement, the family (all of frank's sexual depravity is particularly based on seeing people certain ways, and seeing them exposed too, he wants to sit and stare at dorothy's vagina, but also that he must be daddy/baby and dorothy is mommy, that she has to confirm herself as such and play a role), and that there's some need for, i don't know, love, inner strength to meet oneself at the threshold of that nightmare and not model oneself after it.

the cop, sandy's dad, doesn't deny it when jeffrey says his job must be amazing, he adds:

it's awful too.

that's an interesting detail. the film is a lot of interesting details, in all honesty i think it feeling so psychoanalytic isn't... well... thinking on this a little more i think it being psychoanalytic is received maybe, as in i received that. i think it is partially, the stuff about fathers tracks, the family, though i think maybe you could see frank as being an image of one who needs these explanations, and needs that to get off basically. he is mostly a force that travels through the world wanting to fuck, fuck being an abstract sort of thing i think, take control, dominate, idk, a lot of the sex stuff feels very based on psychoanalytic thinking, that there is this underlying desire to be subordinate in the dominant thing... all that. but still i think the film at points resists these lines of thought, i think for instance the way it relies on odd little cliches in speech, the cultural images the film dredges up, this points less to anything psychological/internal and more about history's impression upon us, and then the ways we take the past, reform it, mutate it. frank's quoting of in dreams, the way he uses that song to be something menacing, the transformation of lines like:

in dreams i walk with you.

and in this dimension, the uncanny seediness of everything, even family homes at night, they become shrouded by trees, shocks emerging from night, menacing and strange because of how quotidian they are, for their relation to the production of cultural images or their place as cultural images, idk. that's especially compelling to me.

this last shot, i want to point to how tiny jeffrey and sandy are, beside the street, trees, houses, shrubs, and night. they're turned into the object of voyeurism here, rather than our being near and hearing them, we're here turned into an observer, someone on the street, the camera's focus and movement in the film shifts around a lot, it's interesting to notice that people aren't necessarily focused on in normal ways, or ways that feel normal now, space is given more... space, it defines them, rather than they define it i think.

my favorite interiors in this film are the ones of pink stucco, they're totally beautiful to me and where the uncanny qualities really fully express themselves:

(notice how she's so far, how we're watching her from jeffrey's perspective, how the space, this kind of classic apartment, these old things, their odd arrangement, or odd by their normalcy, a little out of place, lived in, disturbed lightly, a thing coming apart almost.)

these last two, one thing i loved in motion, as he moved singing, his shadow behind him. this is a special thing in lynch, the shadows are really captured, and the edges of these rooms too, a darkness, as if reaching out of a void, these kitschy nonplaces emerge and disappear, these living rooms where everything is arranged in such an odd way, or these normal things are revealed as odd, i guess it's that uncovering, that there's this potential in them, or not potential, just that all things speak the nightmare in a way.

another love was the hallway just outside dorothy's room:

confusing and odd, reminds me of my uncle's house at night, the long hallway to their room, the green carpet, dim, darkness coming out from there, it felt like a spewing thing. i love these shadows so much...

speaking on shadows and light:

i love the silhouette of the factory on the entrance to frank's apartment building.

and one more image:

this image was frightening, i forgot about it in fact! but i love it of course, but this brings me to the dreams in this film, where i think the point about fathers becomes more evident, it's hard i guess to know the precise direction of it, there is this ambivalence about it in the film. it's not that there's a puzzle, it's just that jeffrey feels terrified of something, not just frank, but the possibility of not understanding, that he has to go and see, and be wrapped up in the center of the mystery as he puts it, his extremely sick father compels this almost, maybe it's that he's without supervision, no it doesn't feel that way. i'm not sure. i think the psychoanalytic angle doesn't do the film as much of a service really, if you look at it without that, just emotionally, i think, he's compelled by terror, attracted to terror, he's at once depressed and repulsed by his sick father, and wants him to be better, he is in love with dorothy and doesn't like the ways she is, he is i suppose, like i noted earlier, full of this need i've seen, especially men have, where nothing can be let go, everything has to be done completely, exhausted and answered for, but this is an unanswerable thing, the fact of cruelty, that you can contribute to it, that it can spiral out and that the normal world produces it, profits off of it, the club dorothy sings at most likely having something to do with frank, the fact of exploitation and pain and suffering, jeffrey is left wondering, as a child would:

why are there bad people in the world, why are there bad things.

i suppose this makes his compulsion to follow it more emotional for me, in a way it never was before, it feels really sad to think now, trying to uncover some way, some answer in all this, that things might not be as awful as they seem, only finding worse things, always he is shocked when he talks with sandy about what he saw and they're shocking things of course, but he seems still surprised, that there's no way to get things to be better. he thought getting romantically involved with her could help her... there's this tragic naivety to him.

this film is a hard one for me i guess, because honestly, this is a silly thing, but when lynch focuses on women, i think there are lots of reasons he compels me more. he seems to let something down, everything is able to get a lot less rigid, less defined, i think he really exits a lot of freudian impulses by fire walk with me, or twin peaks more broadly, where he more fully focuses on the uncanny and threatening / nightmarish stuff underlying anything normal, where anything might leap out at you, the strangeness of all things. that's here plenty and i love this film, and i think lynch with women can also fall into some pitfalls, even in this film, sandy is sort of magical in ways, and so quickly forgives jeffrey. but i think the point there is partially that they're working on broad strokes of what people might do, as characters, as figures / figments of some kind, their stiffness and strangeness, this kind of dream of people. dorothy saying he put his disease in me, sandy weeping in total pain, the next moment on the phone, forgiving jeffrey, and all being right in the end, i do understand why someone could call the end conservative but i want to resist it, maybe just because i want to love lynch right now, since he is dead. but idk. i mean the film is sort of meant to leave you with that.

immediately after finishing it, really, i was sad, because i wanted to be there longer, in lumberton i suppose, but really, in the nonplaces he conjures, because the things those places say, and the way people appear in them, that's the deeply special thing for me, that's what no one else can really do i feel like. well idk... the whole thing is special. the plot stuff, the character stuff, getting these people to make you feel anything, even as they themselves seem to know, they are figments, weird emanations themselves, of a world that is threatening and only grows more threatening for its methods of attempting to seem safe, normal, all that...

i think tomorrow i will wake up, and something might occur to me about the film. right now i feel a little dumb, idk. i'm having a hard time even pinning down what confuses me, it's not a super complex film, i guess i just want to grasp its heart a little, or one part of its heart, the one where frank and jeffrey are aligned, i suppose looking at jeffrey in the film, i said he is strange already but seeing it now i don't really feel that the film is in love with him, that he's a classic hero, though kyle has the looks of a hero and makes him more dashing and charismatic, he is able to play into him being a pervert and freak though, a strange dual image, of the savior and the underside, a villain of some kind, i don't think the film wants you to believe his of perfect intent, just that he wishes he were, and i also think he wishes he could indulge fully, without a care, he is trapped in the middle, there's a strange tendency in lynch that grows over his work, i think, of really taking issue with masculinity as it exists, the patriarchy on some level too, how aware he was i don't know, but it comes across to me, and here this is still the case, all these confused machinations of the boy hero and frank... it's an odd thing. i don't know. i guess i want to complete my thought that the film isn't so sure of itself on its ending, or not unsure, but that its end might have more to do with an attempt to reconcile oneself with that inbetween state, that fuzziness, the robin eating the bug maybe less a crushing of evil, and more a willingness to engage with it in the first place, i don't know, that's too simple, it's not just to reckon with the abject... i don't know maybe what it is, as an image, is that the abject is constant, this is true, the grandmother says, i couldn't do that, eat bugs. but they are there, a fact, the abject is fact, yes... i don't know how i forgot that word seemingly... it's one of my most beloved notions... looking at the abject here, it becomes evident that in becoming sick, for jeffrey his father becomes abject, frank leaves abjection in his wake, he is breathing it out, a factory for it almost, and the seedy figures he is surrounded by, sandy and jeffrey i think take this on as a playful thing almost, not realizing how much of their world is ruled by the opposition between cleanliness and the other side, by that i mean, sandy's relationship with mike souring, his drunken attempt at violence with jeffrey, that this sort of energy is willing to spill forth or appear anywhere, or that her father is a supposed dam against these things but really, in being what is essentially a waste manager for the social field, someone who creates that division and persecutes along its lines, jeffrey coming across a piece of human, though really what does start all this i feel like is seeing his father cry at his own state, some sense there that he sees himself as a useless thing... and the need for use in the film... there is so much there i guess.

i guess though, really, what lingers the most, is that i wish i were still there, seeing it, in the unfolding, the sprawl and spasm of the story, it really does spasm i think. shocking things, stretches of narrative into dreams and memories, an ending which is dreamlike less because of any overt method employed and more for the swell of all parts of the story into a freaky sequence, everything crashing down, proceeding at a lope, one leg at the pace of a noir, one leg dragged, covered in muck. the film is about the swell of emotions one might see seeing a mudprint on shag carpet, or a coffeestain on a doily... well... that and everything else. but those are parts of it. i love that about it.

i said no more images but one more:

i love that they're freaky animatronics.

okay, i'm sleepy now,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nnnyxie]

soulmate au with surprise character

requested by izu anon!!

“Back to back because I am feeling it rn.

Soulmate au because I really CRAVEEEE soulmate au‘s like there is not enough out there!!!!!! Not!!!! Enough!!!!! Something I’ve thought about a lot that I think might be hard to write is a story where the reader themselves dosen’t know who the soulmate is. Does that make sense??? So let’s say it’s the ink au where whatever you draw on your skin shows up on theirs and vice Versa, we as the readers don’t know who it‘ll be but as we read it unravels and bam it’s some guy idk :3 like bakugo or kirishima or sero or ojiro or anyone really, just anyone you want :3 is this going anywhere it’s lowkey late at night and I’ve been awake for a significant amount of time so idk if this is just word vomit or something that is actually coherent”

words cannot describe how much i love the ink au!!

(was slightly delirious while writing this btw)

you always loved the odd and obscure drawings your soulmate would trace onto themselves. they ranged from incredibly detailed and elaborate pieces to weird little cats with odd proportions. sometimes you’d wake up with penises drawn on your face, you assumed that it might’ve been done to them as a prank— you hoped it was done to them as a prank.

as you were getting ready for the day, you noticed a few new drawings on your arm. the ink was a beautiful muscari shade, the color of a stencil marker.

this shade wasn’t uncommon to see, you’d seen it plenty of times around your legs and other arm— your back once as well.

like usual, you snapped a picture of it. this had been something you started doing every time you’d see the stencil markings.

of course, you were well versed when it came to this shade— seeing as you work in a tattoo parlor.

you’d always hoped that maybe one day— your soulmate would come into the shop for a tattoo or piercing.

—

walking into the shop, you spotted your coworker wiping down his station.

“got a client today?”

“yeah, he’s new. his name is sero. we’re taking a break right now. we’ve been working on his sleeve since seven a-m.” your coworker shrugged, very clearly trying to hide his excitement. he rarely got new clients, so this was a big deal.

just minutes later, a tall man with a scrawny yet muscular figure entered. he wore boho styled clothes, with touches of grunge. he looked oddly fashionable.

“oh! hey there,” sero smiled lazily, it was charming in a way.

your eyes raked over his body, admiring his style before landing on some very familiar tattoos.

assuming it’s just a coincidence, you brushed it off. not really expecting anything.

though— as he lifted his right arm onto the rest, there was absolutely no denying it.

this was basically your dream come true but right now— facing it all— you didn’t know if you could handle it.

you did your best to hide your arm from the two, and prayed that neither of them needed anything.

but it seems as if the universe had other plans.

“[name], can you grab me another ink cup?” your coworker asked loudly, his voice reverberated (slightly) in the small shop. you nervously nodded and shakily grabbed a cup from the cupboard. slowly making your way over, you felt their eyes watching you.

it made you anxious.

finally setting the small cup down, you retreated back to your ‘corner’, hiding your arm.

or at least attempting to.

you weren’t exactly the best at it.

your soulmate was now aware of that fact— sero was now aware of that fact.

i was so out of it, sorry if it’s bad <//3

[finsterhund]

Watching my world record run to remind myself that I have skills and aren't entirely a failure and right at the beginning I mention that I haven't eaten?

And yeah, that takes me back to the chemotherapy where I was straight up fucking starving.

And I felt better back then than I do now because Cazza was still alive.

So it's a testament that even though I'm eating better now that doesn't automatically mean I should be better now because clearly losing her is more significant than going hungry in my mind.

I should buy a new wifi adaptor or wire through Ethernet from my roommates room to mine (the router is in his room fjgkgjfjdjd) and then try to stream again. I know I'm able to beat the easy and normal PC runs too. Easy. And I would have if Cazza hadn't died. I never really got back to streaming after. My friend is bringing back his Minecraft server and I want to ease my way back into playing that as well. It will be fun to hang out in real time with friends.

God I really did just try speedrunning maximum involvement in every single hobby I have an interest in trying to feel something and they all failed. I need to remember that HoD is the most beautiful perfect thing in the world. And while I love plants and primitive technology and stuffed animals that HoD is my big thing. The ultimate special interest. The one that unlike Power Island, doesn't hurt me to open my soul into.

Fishy got me a rock tumbler that I'm really excited about and another package that's arrived today I haven't opened yet and I am excited thinking about tumbling small stones and making my own stone beads. I'm certain if I make a day out of building a neolithic hand drill that will also be fun. I need to remember that I'm allowed to have fun. I also need to learn how to make mistakes.

New years resolutions maybe.

When I next get to go to fabric land I'm going to buy some of the exact type of fabric the original Sly or Sly II's heads are made of (velveteen and/or upholstery cotton respectively) and see if that has any bearing on working with the pattern or not. I also have decided I need to aquire more random scraps. Gotta find packages of scraps when the thrift stores have them. I'm even starting to consider getting worn out stuffed animals with the intention of taking them apart and rebuilding them. I've always felt bad about that but so long as they aren't thrown away by the end it's a victimless crime. They're still being appreciated and taken care of.

Again, I wish eBay wasn't so damn expensive. Stupid shipping.

There's a local quilters guild that interests me. I'm so paranoid of human interaction I'm scared I won't be accepted as a young man who has an atypical disabled relationship with the hobby as a newcomer. It's something I should really try to work past more often. I have no clue if they're still even active due to COVID shit but I should at least try to turn up for one of their themed days.

But I feel that seeing people in person working on the craft will help me build skills and learn things.

Will also says he's thinking about getting into soft sculpture so maybe he'll share the stuff he's doing online.

Idk. I'm not entirely down in the dumps this new years but it does feel I'm just drifting aimlessly in life. With Cazza everything felt perfect. It was our blue sky grassy field orchestra music moment. And now it's gone. There is ultimately no overcoming of death except in memory.

The little spectre Sly head (the one I just made out of felt) seems to be the best I've made yet. Despite omitting the horn and ears I've got the snout at the right level of pointiness. Maybe even overkill for a spectre. But that makes me how that I'm going to continue to get better.

I am glad I've had things like the crying dog and Sly to keep me going though. And my friends who love and appreciate me so much it's actually staggering to think about it too deeply. I wish the internet gap wasn't a thing. It's funny. I feel id be no less further from my friends if I was living in the middle of the prairie away from everyone else.

Someday.

But for now there's Sly.