#idk but josh wants to give him the old one now instead

[milfspiggy]

my cat and i are both so so itchy rn (possible allergies we aren't sure yet) and he finally finally stopped grooming himself (my hand covering his leg) and seemingly fell asleep and i'm trying so fucking hard to set a good example and not scratch the hell out of my leg

[golbrocklovely]

I myself am trying to catch up on this corey stuff. I'm so lost

okay, i'm gonna give the quickest of rundowns on this whole thing.

aka i watched elton's video so everyone doesn't have to lol

so to give the slightest bit of backstory, corey left tfil/overnight/haunted homies a couple months back. he then came out with a video in april saying that the reason he left is bc he wants to pursue other ventures, in particular sketch comedy bc that's so timely. but he also said he would still be doing ghost hunting, just not with elton. around this time he also unfollowed elton, and devyn on her secret twitter was shitting on elton in some way (but idk what she said bc it's private). him and devyn have also started back up their old channel where they ghost hunt. and corey... i think... has posted some vlogs or whatever here and there on his main channel. but idk for certain since i don't watch him.

now, for some reason, elton has decided to clear the air on what happened with him and corey bc his leaving was very abrupt and confused a lot of fans.

imma just bullet point this list as best i can bc wow does that man love to talk and say almost nothing for over an hour.

THIS IS ALL ALLEGED, I'M JUST QUOTING WHAT ELTON SAID

elton alluded to corey possibly being the reason why the beef with snc lasted so long; mostly bc corey loves talking shit on ppl he's collabed with in the past. and full on would tell elton not to recollab with certain paranormal ppl bc. in particular, exploring with josh (who was also surprised to find out corey shit talked him since he commented "what" on elton's video)

the main portion of the video was solely to explain that while corey allegedly claims to be broke or not have made much money off of the overnight channel/tfil, elton very much begs to fucking differ

corey would get paid roughly $10k A WEEK during investigations, trips, whatever. elton also stated that he would pay anyone that would go on trips with them, roughly $2500 for the day, but that would fluctuate depending on the circumstances.

corey technically made over half a mil a year for the past couple years bc of elton paying him to be on the channel. elton also stated that corey makes more than elton on the channel bc elton basically pays for everything while corey has no stake in the claim.

corey did literally no work bts whatsoever. never suggested any places to go to, never paid for anything (not the hotel, driving, booking of spots, ect), and then on top of it never did any work like editing, getting ghost equipment, research. elton did everything, but would pay corey 50% since he was the other person on the channel mainly.

corey would flake out of a lot of things last minute for unknown reasons. or when they would discuss things to do/places to go, he would just not do it or go. and sometimes this would play out on camera, and to elton's justification, is why he would seem to "force" corey to do things. basically bc it was agreed on beforehand, only for corey to not do it once they got there.

during a charity livestream that was supposed to last for about a week (if not longer), corey claimed to feel ill, did nothing to help himself, and then left the charity livestream early.

then the fans that donated the most during that stream were supposed to fly out and meet elton and corey (all expenses paid by elton himself). corey decided last minute not to meet fans. elton then had to give refunds to some ppl who had wanted to meet corey.

corey would get a cut of the shares when it came to merch as well. even tho he wouldn't design it, be the one paying to ship it out, nothing. they created the haunted bundles that they did on the tfil site just so corey could make more money.

elton got rid of some of his staff just so corey could make more money/be paid more

the haunted homies tour that they did, elton planned all of it and created it bc corey wanted to do more funny bits instead of all of the haunted stuff. bc… it was corey's dream to eventually end up on snl. no, i am not joking. that is something elton actually claims corey wants lol

the second haunted homies tour, the one with matt rife, corey was contractually obligated to post about it/tell their editor in time what clips he would want to repost on his accounts. corey never did that/would take too long to get back to them on what he wanted, and then would later ask for certain clips to be removed from the vids long after the video was already up.

elton gifted $10k to corey bc he claimed to need more money… even after all of this shit played out

they had to make less content last year bc of how often corey would just not do projects with him/would flake out last minute

at the beginning of this year, elton had a bunch of tfil trips planned, with overnight videos in between also being filmed. basically had it laid out that they would only have to film for the first couple months, and then pick up filming again in october. so almost the entire year was planned out. he was just waiting for corey to sign off on it.

elton travels to some place (i'm blanking on it now) and then gets a single text from corey that says "hey man, i've wanted to bring this up for a while, but this year i'm gonna pull back from overnight and just focus on myself" with no explanation or conversation. and since that text, he has basically ghosted elton irl and online. but has apparently been saying things to friends in common that old roommates (like elton and whoever else all lived with them these past couple years) has stole shit from him, ect. and in general, he has been talking shit on elton bts.

i think that's everything i can remember off the top of my head that elton alleged. if i remember anything else, i'll add it. but this was pretty much a good chunk of the vid.

basically, the general gist is corey had one job: show up and make money. and he couldn't even do that lol

[corleylexi]

so a thing i like to do is tell stories through a playlist. i recently worked on one and it’s short but i think it’s done. idk for sure the first one i ever did has been modified since it was “done” so i’m sure i’ll keep going but for now i’m just enjoying this lil story and damn it’s good. wish i could share it w someone tho. so instead i’m making a post about it.

it will be a long one…

the hardest goodbye

Promise Me (Acoustic) - Badflower

Only Love - Badflower

right where you left me - Taylor Swift

champagne problems - Taylor Swift

Midnight Rain - Taylor Swift

Bigger Than The Whole Sky - Taylor Swift

*** if you have never heard these songs before (and you’re actually reading this and give a 💩) listen to the playlist before reading on (: ***

ik what you may be thinkin; that’s only two artists what kinda playlist is this?? but that’s actually intentional. josh is the voice of character a and taylor is the voice of character b (and in my mind they also play the characters). some context: josh’s character is wildly imaginative and quite emotional as well. the story starts w his pov - but he’s a completely unreliable narrator (we all are really and so are these characters). what you can gather from his two songs are that he’s in love w taylor’s character (obvs). but the first impression you get is he’s talkin about someone he’s loved his whole life (which he has) who has died (which is what he feels like). these characters are the ones who’s moms were best friends so they grew up as best friends and as they got older they got closer. they went away to college together fell in love it was beautiful it was comfortable it was happy.

‘promise me’ is character a asking character b to stay with him til death. she refuses. he feels the separation like it’s a death. he wanted them to stay young and stay together and go home to live the rest of their lives just like the beginning. she wants something else.

“We're getting old now (they’ve graduated college it’s time for them to move on to the next chapter)

But I don't feel it (A feels like there’s no question where his life goes next. he’s known his whole life he wanted his life w B he’s always imagined)

I say you're beautiful (I mean it’s a given)

And I still mean it (A has always loved B)

And I don't wanna know (A doesn’t want any other life than the one he’s seen for himself)

What old age feels like (he believes together they will always feel like this)

So promise me you won't (A is asking B to commit to their life together)

Give up on this life (this life as in the life he imagines they’ll have together - it’s important to remember this song and his pov is filtered completely through his emotions and imagination)

And we'll be busy tryin'

While the rest of them are dyin'

Promise me we'll never grow up

I don't wanna let go

I wanna stay young

And even when the wrinkles show up

We'll be laughing, and

We can play forever

Don't make me face the truth

I think it's obvious

That we'll stay happy

'Cause I'm the happiest

When you smile at me

And we won't end the same

A broken family

I'll never walk away

Without you with me

And times are getting harder

But I'm nothing like my father

Promise me we'll never grow up

I don't wanna fall out

I wanna make love

And even when we can't, so what?

We're together, and

Happy ever after

Don't make me face the truth

That I'm dying soon

That we're dying

Don't say goodbye (he compares death to the end of the life he imagined so it’s less a literal death of either character and more like the dream has died)

We're so much older...

All I want is one more life with you (he wants to keep the life he thought he’d have with her)

When did we get so old?

Why'd you get so sick? (not ill but he feels like she’s “sick of their relationship” bc he can’t imagine a reason for wanting anything else)

And how could you die? (how could she not want that life too?)

You promised me you'd never grow up

Now I have to let go

God, I miss you so much

And even when your heart gave out (he believes she lost love for him and that’s why she would want a life other than the one he dreamed of)

I was thinkin' how

I won't say goodbye

You promised me you'd never grow up

But you fucking grew up (she wants something else in life than what he’s imagined)

God, I miss you so much

And even when your heart gave out

I was thinkin' I'd

Love you 'til forever

And I can't face the truth

That I died with you

That you lied (we can assume from here he doesn’t believe he had any reason to think she would want something else)

You died (they broke up - again we still only have few actual details of the story)”

only love explores the way he feels in the aftermath and some time following the break up. he’s reflecting on the way he felt during the relationship and the pain he’s in since. we even get a glimpse of how it’s affecting his life as he tries to cope with and mourn the loss of the life he thought he’d have.

“Calm down, I'm okay, it's only heartbreak

Don't scheme, just mourn

The cold nights in our bed when you'd steal the blankets

I'd let you sleep warm

It's only love

It's not like I'm missing part of me

It's only love

It's heartbreak and I'm in recovery

Your eyes are better than my favorite song

I'm addicted and I'm possessive

This is no ordinary love

Calm down, breathe in

I feel like I'm dying

I miss you, come home

But it's only love

It's not like she's bleeding out of me

It's only love

I'm not dying, I'm in recovery

But I won't get better

I'm not letting go

I will be right here where you left me

Losing my home again

A life without my friend

Who I depend on, oh-oh

She's everything to me

The best I had, the worst mistake

I'm all fucked up and I'm not okay

Even my therapist said, "To hell with this"

I'm not healing

I'm dying, write me off

I'm stuttering, I'm high on drugs

Loser, lonely

It's only love

These wrist cuts won't bleed it out of me

It's only love

I'm not dying, but I'm in recovery

I won't get better, I'm not moving on

I'm the same way now that you left me

This is no ordinary love”

gotdamn that hurts.

the slight pause represents time passing and the pov shifting

right where you left me shows how B feels similarly to A after the breakup in that it felt like time stopping, life ending. character B is the storyteller of the two, so we get more details from her pov but it is still filtered through her feelings. in right where you left me, she plays the victim almost - not exactly but she’s also not entirely taking responsibility for it and instead ties it into what’s happened in the time passed. in champagne problems she reveals the depth of the situation and she takes the credit for the “betrayal”. she also reveals some of what has happened since the breakup in these songs, but w midnight rain we get the whole story. past, breakup, post breakup - all of it is revealed.

“Friends break up, friends get married

Strangers get born, strangers get buried

Trends change, rumors fly through new skies

But I'm right where you left me

Matches burn after the other

Pages turn and stick to each other

Wages earned and lessons learned

But I, I'm right where you left me

Help, I'm still at the restaurant

Still sitting in a corner I haunt

Cross-legged in the dim light

They say, "What a sad sight"

I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop

Right when I felt the moment stop

Glass shattered on the white cloth

Everybody moved on

I, I stayed there

Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

They expected me to find somewhere

Some perspective, but I sat and stared

Right where you left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You left me, you left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?

Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it

She's still 23 inside her fantasy

How it was supposed to be

Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?

Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it

She's still 23 inside her fantasy

And you're sitting in front of me

At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want

Cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right

I, I could feel the mascara run

You told me that you met someone

Glass shattered on the white cloth

Everybody moved on

Help, I'm still at the restaurant

Still sitting in a corner I haunt

Cross-legged in the dim light

They say, "What a sad sight"

I, I stayed there

Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

I'm sure that you got a wife out there

Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware

'Cause I'm right where

I cause no harm, mind my business

If our love died young, I can't bear witness

And it's been so long

But if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where you left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever”

“You booked the night train for a reason

So you could sit there in this hurt

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers

You're not sure which is worse

Because I dropped your hand while dancing

Left you out there standing

Crestfallen on the landing

Champagne problems

Your mom's ring in your pocket

My picture in your wallet

Your heart was glass, I dropped it

Champagne problems

You told your family for a reason

You couldn't keep it in

Your sister splashed out on the bottle

Now no one's celebrating

Dom Pérignon, you brought it

No crowd of friends applauded

Your hometown skeptics called it

Champagne problems

You had a speech, you're speechless

Love slipped beyond your reaches

And I couldn't give a reason

Champagne problems

Your Midas touch on the Chevy door

November flush and your flannel cure

"This dorm was once a madhouse"

I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me"

How evergreen, our group of friends

Don't think we'll say that word again

And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls

That we once walked through

One for the money, two for the show

I never was ready, so I watch you go

Sometimes you just don't know the answer

'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

"She would've made such a lovely bride

What a shame she's fucked in the head, " they said

But you'll find the real thing instead

She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred

And hold your hand while dancing

Never leave you standing

Crestfallen on the landing

With champagne problems

Your mom's ring in your pocket

Her picture in your wallet

You won't remember all my

Champagne problems

You won't remember all my

Champagne problems”

“Rain, he wanted it comfortable

I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride

I was making my own name

Chasing that fame

He stayed the same

All of me changed like midnight

My town was a wasteland

Full of cages, full of fences

Pageant queens and big pretenders

But for some, it was paradise

My boy was a montage

A slow-motion, love potion

Jumping off things in the ocean

I broke his heart 'cause he was nice

He was sunshine, I was midnight rain

He wanted it comfortable

I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride

I was making my own name

Chasing that fame

He stayed the same

All of me changed like midnight

It came like a postcard

Picture perfect, shiny family

Holiday, peppermint candy

But for him it's every day

So I peered through a window

A deep portal, time travel

All the love we unravel

And the life I gave away

'Cause he was sunshine

I was midnight rain

He wanted it comfortable

I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride

I was making my own name

Chasing that fame

He stayed the same

All of me changed

Like midnight

Rain, he wanted it comfortable

I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride

I was making my own name

Chasing that fame

He stayed the same

All of me changed

Like midnight

I guess sometimes we all get

Just what we wanted, just what we wanted

And he never thinks of me

Except when I'm on TV

I guess sometimes we all get

Some kind of haunted, some kind of haunted

And I never think of him

Except on midnights like this (midnights like this)”

the last song was added after several listens through the playlist thus far. and while it was revealed the depths of each character’s feelings around the end of everything, it didn’t feel complete. this song is a big song for me personally and so i added it just to try it on and now i can’t imagine this playlist without it.

“No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you

Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?

Did some force take you because I didn't pray?

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes

'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be

So I'll say words I don't believe

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

(What could've been, would've been)

What could've been, would've been you

(Could've been, would've been)

(Could've been, would've been)

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you”

so the whole story really only takes place at the time of the breakup and the midnights following when the two reflect on the breakup.

so, break up… character A’s midnight breakdown… character B’s midnight heartbreaking storytelling. which took place so far after the fact bc she refused to even process it emotionally until she found out that he really did move on.

i like to imagine that now both characters are happy and grateful for the whole thing. they loved and lived a beautiful life together at the beginning. then they each got what they wanted (after lots of processing and pain, but eventually they get there). perhaps i’ll add more to show that, idk... actually i’ve already got some ideas but i’m really a perfectionist when it comes to these playlists so i need the lyrics and the vibes to flow right otherwise it won’t tell the story right. this is the first playlist tho where the irl singers are consistent with the characters. usually the characters have no gender and any gender in the song (from the singer to the pronouns used) may or may not be relevant. but the characters always have consistent vibes that are represented in the songs. this is becoming one of my favorite creative hobbies actually.

if you made it here, thank you for reading (:

[istherewifiinhell]

im being an asshole here and these are gonna be shittly annonated more than described... for the sake of my fucking health lol. (mental and RSI lol) pls go look at my wifi reads mirage tag for better and more worth while comics blogging (lot of those are labours of love u know)

okay now to commence with the comic that hurt my brain. lets see. 5 issues? oh and only one i even kinda liked. uh oh

lemme do my due first.

ST vs TF No. 1: written john barber, mike johnson, art philip murphy

colours priscilla tramontano letters christa miesner edits chase marotz and david mariotte pub greg goldstien

No. 2: colours by leonardo ito and josh burcham No. 3: art by jack lawrence. colours by burcham No. 4&5: art by murphy

(its a name and shame as much as its giving credit >_>)

what i want from my tf st crossover comic:

like. 1. mccoy aphorism (also... may i?) 2. brilliant. perfect. spock saying illogical and optimus prime in the same sentence. no notes.

. 1. mccoy called her MAAM. ghbfdjhg. see. im saying. if u gonna do a sexist thing. at least put an old southern man it using his manners <3 only time i really enjoyed a woman being on screen im afraid. 2. they turned the enterprise into a big robot. yaaaaay.

kirk says. prime directive. oppie says. PRIME's directive. hearty chucky. great.

a note here u can see that this is a g1 and tas crossover. i have no familarity with tas actually (is that shocking i wonder. 70s cartoons i know less of, in fact) so like idk maybe theres some stuff i dont like cause its actually a reference or smth. lol. THE INCLUSION OF. tf stuff thats clearly not aligned with actual g1 cartoon visually or thematically tho.... i have my doubts. sucks </3

(see that those first four were by lawarence, which i like. and the next two by murphy, which i dont tho those arent particularly bad showings)

the things i did not really want but knew i was gonna get anyway 'dammit im a doctor not an x' 'more than meets the eye' <- TOO MANY TIMES. talk about blowing ur load. and not even in a fun way.

but there were things ill always like too see. like speaking of blowing ur load.

.1. megop menacing each other. gayass. 2. megs unloading a fusion blast into prime. rearrange his GUTS!!!!

.1. megs looming and threatening. oppie on the ground. you wanted to do WHAT on cybertron? 2. they are grappling each other. hehe hold hands.

and screamer:

megs riding inside screamers cockpit in gun mode. hey thats two the phallic things for the price of one.

yes girl go do ur crazy shit i know how it goes lol.

screamer is refering to the klingons in both cases. 2. hey like. why u phrase it like that (microagression)(gay as hell)

.1. lawrence screamer. my tiny wife (so small. drawn so good. i cant explain it) 2. lawrence megs. hes handsome :) (whats with the moment of victory line tho)

MOM! you never take MY side. thats a lot of judgement for not having a face soundwave

screamer menacing the klingons. hes crushed many high councils and fuck the government.

WAIT. BASED STARSCREAM. SAY THAT SHIT. also thats just a classic g1 screamer face ill give u that murphy. thats him throwing megs out the air lock type shit.

now why exactly this comic thought i would care more about like. tos klingons (sure one of the enemy factions but not particularly. like... ICONIC?) than the decepticons. like.... idk obviously the decepticons cant win but why can the klingons get a win over them u know? like idk... tos klingons are whatever. g1 cons. thats. those are my guys?????

but hey at least they put megatron in bondage

like. oh for me? thigh restrains.... why u shouldnt have..... i am barking at this image even if i think his arms are wrong? cant quite place it. cursed my dick etc.

OKAY. now heres some concern points. women.

woman decepticon (who looks weird btw) grabbing kirk and shes 'not his type'. BAD.

and yes instead of the fair superior make some of the seekers girls method. THATS AIRARCNID for some fucking reason. and she still has that stupid fucking steath helicopter alt instead of. oh idk ANYTHING that would look normal next to g1 vehicles. even windblade looks better in alt mode. where the FUCK IS SKYWARP (girl version <3)

screamer calling her airachnid (also this comp reference straight from the g1 s1 intro)

utube screenshot. same pose, different character positions

TC, screamer and soundwave posing up. the the lady con crammed behind them. me when i definitely remembered to block the woman into my pencils (this is the artist i like. CHRIST) (also cause im definitely working from a thumbnailed layout and not just comping in all these crisp jpegs like... however)<- more the other guy

sulu 'flying' wind blade. she tells him to back off. the amount of things i dont like about this image...... do i even need to say em? WHO LET IT HAPPENED

acree grabs ravage. (kitty) to protect mech version of mress (cat alien). why the fuck does robot mress look cooler than arcee thats sad (though that arm...... )

also now that i think about... i dont think i ever saw arcees alt... this is g1... she literally has one whats ur fucking problem. comic from 2018. shes had one since 1986. no one is asking u to prove the transformation scheme WORKS.

THE JAZZ ISSUE.

group posing of autobots. acree looks bad next to earth alt mode bots as always. wind blade looks bad just ingeneral as always. ratchet and bees faces look.... not great. jazz looks fine but hes yelling about not wanting to see humans.

so like..... theres this thing...... ive seen this guys comics wiki page and theirs a lot of jokes about him shooting humans. why does jazz hate humans? (like. i know. at least one comic i guess? multiple? unsure. went has far as. HE HAD TO SHOOT A COP. to save someones life. which. which. sure. thats. a commentary. probably. what is GOING ON in there) anway. i think including whatever stupid fucking baggage u gave him into. THE SILLY HAHA 70s and 80s CARTOON CROSSOVER. IS DUMB. hey jazz is really agressive and hates humans now. NO ONE SEES THE PROBLEM THERE? IS I THIS THING ON?

and then they still had him do some nominally g1 jazz like dialogue (i cannot speak to the authenticity of his use of jive slang uh... ever? but at least in the cartoon it was being said by scatman crothers?) anyway. really weird. bad tonally. jazz is my fucking friend he LIKES humans. thats the whole fucking.... THING. what the hell.

also combining it with even having to just. SEE windblade. eh yeah well. you know.

FINALLY. the art. i actually dont want to spend too long just specifically belabouring the bad art. i mean 1. cause i dont want to screenshot a bunch of bad art. two cause yeah its kinda mean. 3. im not actually sure i can explain it in a way that wont make me sound crazy. i hate when i start getting the really niche tf opinions like this.

but like. yeah the comp isnt very good. like artistically and also literally whatever way they were getting all the characters into the same scenes. not great like. perspective or sense of place which.... kinda need that one. in this specific case.... weird errors that stood out too. some awkward paneling too....

but mainly yeah i found the way murphy drew the g1s like... really off putting. as soon as i got to no. 3 i was literally just so relieved i scrolled the whole thing without reading it first just to. look. and then that was the only one </3

just something like no no this way of drawing the blocks ISNT GOOD. kibble looks wrong. etc. and then also. g1 characters just. dont move in certain ways okay. in the arms and stuff... i know it when i see it. (smh at myself) whatever.

in essence and most important i guess. it didnt often charm me. for shame.

but may i present

optical illusion acid storm. damn i guess they really must be a non binary icon cause i cant fucking figure out what angle thats supposes to be. (<- unclear what i mean by that)(actually i think this is nifty more that bad like. it genuinely is tricking my eyes)

worst fucking splash page ive seen in my life

the decepticons coming in to kick starscreams ass. all just kinda pasted together without much scale, composition, values. etc. note rumbles (purple guy, bottom right) missing head (like yeah hes mid transform but.... it looks dumb. what was gained drawing him this way) and trypticon (that big robot dinosaur you may notice just kinda. in the background layer) lines being way larger. as if it was just. select transformed to be big enough for this. it actually haunted me cause it looked so much like default art or smth. not that i could find tho. BUT HEY! skywarp. (top left corner)

like idk boss it looks like ass. if i saw this printed out and slid into some kids binder id be like. oh wow bud thats awesome! you like the decepticons? me too! did you edit this other your self? thats cool!!!

in conclusion

girl boss cover (screen cuts to black but u can hear me muffled but loud and agonized "nurse chaple wasnt even IN-)

okay im gonna need to be a hater in peace here

[chickwiththepurpleguitar]

hi bestie! I don't even go here so idk if this happens in canon, but for the julie and the phantoms fanfic prompts, it would be cool to see trevor and the ghosts hang out. what sort of inside jokes do they share that julie is totally oblivious to?

idk if this even makes sense but just thought i'd share. good luck w your goal!! 💕

God, you're the best. You don't even go here! (you should go here, though, seriously, join me in hell). Thanks so much for this prompt, my friend, I hope you (and the people who go here) enjoy! :D

Send me prompts!

Once the dam has been broken, the awkward pleasantries squared away, and the metaphorical elephants in Julie’s very real dining room slaughtered and stuffed, it becomes entirely too easy to see where Trevor Wilson once fit into Sunset Curve.

It’s not the same, obviously. He is now a forty-two-year-old man joshing around with his high school buddies who are both seventeen and dead. The movements they would have made to toss an arm around Bobby’s shoulder or drag him into a hug go aborted and unfinished now that he’s taller and broader than he used to be. The looks they give him— of exasperation at themselves, each other, or the world at large— go unshared, or met with wide-eyed blankness, because where they’ve had practice exchanging conspiratorial looks with Bobby in only the last year or so, Trevor hasn’t exchanged any with them in two and a half decades.

It’s obvious to Julie— to anyone who might have the misfortune of watching Trevor, Luke, Alex, and Reggie attempt to have a conversation over Julie’s dad’s dairy-free lasagna— where the cracks still lie, where twenty-five years and a whole lot of hurt have taken part of who they were as a group and thrown it away.

But Julie can see, more subtle though it might be, where the pieces fit together still, too. She can see how they used to be friends.

“So!�� Luke says partway through dinner, leg visibly bouncing beneath the table. “Trevor.”

He gives him this look— quintessential Luke— like he needs Trevor to know he’s using his name as an insult, but instead of shying away, Trevor meets it head-on with a piercing look of his own— flat, unimpressed, one eyebrow raised just enough to draw attention.

It must be a quintessential Bobby look, because all three ghosts’ jaws drop, and Luke mutters something half-intelligible about forgetting what he was gonna say.

Later, Julie’s dad asks who wants dessert, and Alex deadpans, “Don’t let Bobby have any. Reggie’s only got one pair of pants.”

Dad goes still, and Julie watches Trevor with the same hesitation. He’s touchy around food as it is— for obvious reasons, though Julie still finds it a little funny that the boys who actually died from bad food have never once appeared to share the same reservations— and it must be weird to hear the ghosts of his bandmates call him by his old name.

But instead of getting upset, Trevor snorts and puts a hand over his face, shoulders shaking. Alex’s subtle smile turns a little more self-satisfied as Reggie enthusiastically launches into a story about his Bar Mitzvah suit and a poorly-placed tray of cream puffs.

When they’re cleaning up from dinner, Dad and Trevor end up at the sink together, elbow to elbow as Dad washes dishes and Trevor dries. Julie pauses in wiping down the table to watch them over the kitchen island for a moment. Dad says something low and Trevor laughs, leaning into his side and back again. They look happy.

“I hear wedding bells,” Reggie teases, appearing next to her.

After all this time, hse doesn’t jump. She could feel him coming even before he poofed. Still, she says, “I thought you guys were cleaning up the studio.”

“We are,” Reggie says. “Well, Luke and Alex are. I’m apparently ‘too much of a distraction’ and ‘too likely to break things’ so they told me to see if I could help in here.”

Julie laughs softly, reaching up to ruffle Reggie’s hair. “Well, I appreciate the offer, but I think we’ve got it handled.” She nods toward the kitchen, and only then fully registers what Reggie said when he came in. “Wait, did you say wedding bells?”

Reggie grins. “Oh, yeah. It might have been twenty-five years, Julie, but I still know Bobby. And that—” He points just as Trevor snaps a dishtowel at her dad’s butt— “is Bobby with a crush.”

“Oh my god,” Julie whispers. She turns around. She doesn’t want to see that. She doesn’t even want to think about it.

God, but the way Reggie just knew. It’s not just a best friend thing— Julie doesn’t think she’d be able to pick up on flirty Flynn that quickly, not if they hadn’t seen each other in a while.

It’s like Sunset Curve speaks its own language, one of looks and inside jokes and old stories and knowing each other more deeply than they know themselves. Julie doesn’t think she could learn it all if she tried.

But she thinks she’d like to.

--

Taglist: @whenweremarried @sunsethimb0s @pink-flame @penguin0613 @fighttoshine @sunsetcurvecuddles @teenagedirtbag-dot-jpeg @brightattheorpheum @queenmolina @jandthephantoms @lexilucacia @sapphossidechick @acnhaddict @shrimp-colours @sunset-bobby @lenacarstairspotterstewart @conversationaltreestump @burntchromas @julieandthequeers @joyandthephantoms @it-tastes-like-lizard @jatpfs 

[lesbianwyllravengard]

So since I'm thinking of Simarkus again here's a bit I've never seen in a fic for them yet that I want to write because I thought of it while looking at fanart and I think it'd be cute:

Wish I could just fucking open Google docs and write all this down in there but instead I'll simply think about it. No write.

Anyways. I'm gonna talk in points and then add them together in the end so I hope it somewhat makes sense like it does in my head.

Point one: I imagine Simon as a more physically affectionate person, because he was essentially a housemaid Android and they had to be familiar with children/be able to comfort and care for children, which we know. And we get to see him and Markus hug in game (God fucking bless) and they both hug so firmly and tightly like idk I just imagine they both give good hugs. Simon also put a hand on Markus's shoulder, reached out for him, put himself physically between North and Josh when they fought, etc. I feel like he has a good perception of his physical presence and uses it affectionately with those he loves.

Point two: Simon's feelings for Markus are so evident throughout the game in how he looks at, talks to, and interacts with Markus, but Markus mostly seems pretty emotionless when it comes to any feelings of romance; unless something bad happens. Like when Simon gets shot on Stratford Tower, or if you try to save Simon but he gets shot again, or when Markus tries to figure out what to do before they jump off of the tower (leave Simon or kill him), or when Simon sacrifices himself for Markus at the first freedom march. In all of those instances, Markus showed intense fear, worry, and care for Simon that seemed to only present itself when he realised he may never see Simon again, or that Simon may die.

Conclusion: I feel like Simon would be more physically affectionate with his friends, giving them hugs, or holding their hands when either of them are scared, that kind of thing. And Markus sees him doing this a lot; so when Simon leans against his side after a long day's work, Markus doesn't think anything of it. Or when Markus looks tired and Simon hugs him tight, Markus just considers it another aspect of Simon's wonderful personality. Meanwhile Simon is falling in love with Markus, but Markus likes his hugs so he won't stop them just because he's scared of his feelings. But Markus doesn't seem to notice how Simon feels, nor does Markus acknowledge his own feelings. He keeps getting hugs from Simon - once or twice, he'll even initiate one, like he did when Simon returned safely from Stratford - and now it's evolved into them sitting so close together they seem connected at their sides, holding hands in stressful situations, hugging after an exhausting or upsetting event, and a few times they'll even cuddle on one of the old couches, Markus with his signature stoic, worried expression and Simon hiding his lovesick gaze against Markus's chest.

Everyone else sees it though. Everyone's noticed Markus and Simon's touches and interactions and they're all wondering the same thing.

Then one day, maybe something bad happens, or maybe North says something to him, or both, but the realisation that he's in love with Simon just hits Markus so suddenly and forcefully. He remembers all the times Simon touched him comfortingly, the ways he'd look at Markus as he pulled him in for a hug, how he'd run his fingers along Markus's hands and lean his head against Markus's shoulder, and Markus is astounded that it took him so long to see it.

Like I'm not just talking about the "Character A realises they're in love with Character B so suddenly it hits them like a truck" trope because I have seen a lot of that for Simarkus, and I do love it. But I'm talking about Markus and Simon being physically affectionate, Markus reciprocating Simon's affections but not thinking twice about what they could mean, meanwhile Simon is all but suffering emotionally but not willing to stop his touches and his hugs because he knows how it comforts Markus and he cares more about comforting Markus than comforting himself, because he's so self sacrificing (canon). Like I just pictured them sitting somewhere and hugging and Markus is just staring blankly, maybe frowning a bit, thinking about all the work they have left to do, and Simon is hiding his face against Markus's chest, his eyes closed tight, clutching Markus like a lifeline and struggling not to let his feelings for Markus get in the way of being there for him.

So then when Markus does realise he's in love with Simon, all their physical touches take on a new connotation for him, and he does his best to reciprocate emotionally all that Simon gives him. He kisses Simon's head when they hug, or he pulls Simon to him first, and buries his face in Simon's neck. He takes Simon's hand and traces the lines with his fingers, he places Simon's palm against his cheek, he holds Simon's gaze with more weight, more focus on just Simon. He takes in their interactions in the moment, he doesn't let his mind wander to the day's taxing events. He sees how Simon needs the same comfort he gives, and so Markus initiates physical affection when he notices Simon seems tired, or stressed, or worried. He wants to be there for Simon, as Simon has always been there for him, and even if he never gets around to confessing his love for Simon, or even if Simon doesn't reciprocate his feelings, Markus is more than content just being there for Simon and comforting him in ways he's always done for others.

But of course Simon reciprocates his love. And of course they get out the words, eventually. I just want to focus more on Markus taking a step back from being "leader of the deviants" and being inspired by Simon to dedicate more time to being there for his friends, his family, who have been there for him the whole time.

[bisluthq]

It’s your kaylor historian here who still can’t remember my log in details to my KH account 🤦‍♀️ (so please make sure this anon just in case it isn’t... I fear them 👀)

Karlie’s tea post before masters heist:

Ok so I can’t remember who posted first and don’t feel like looking, but taylor posted a selfie and captioned it “Friday calmness” and we (kaylor fandom) had been speculating taylor was going to come out as bi on the last day of June / 🌈pride month🌈 since she’d been doing so much stuff that could be seen (and was) as queer coded. We celebrated the “Friday calmness” thinking it was like a ‘calm before the storm’ with the storm being her coming out.

I think Karlie posted after taylor, but am not 100% sure. Karlie posted a selfie with a cup with a caption like “what’s the tea” and the fandom, thinking they were still together, collectively lost our shit. It looked to us like Karlie was playing off Taylor’s post. (I’ll admit, I didn’t think kaylor were still together, but that weekend I was thinking ‘I can’t believe I doubted them!’ Lol)

*there were also rumours that the YNTCD video and single were delayed a couple of times and meant to be released sooner and serve as a soft coming out, but that taylor kept changing her mind about it and is also why she kept the tracklist length under wraps, because she wasn’t sure if she’d go through with it. She was way more vague than ever before. There were also rumours she had a rolling stone cover planned that she was going to come out in but it was scrapped —— I can’t even remember where these “she’s actually coming out” rumours originated anymore and I can’t remember if people had legit sources and gossip or if it was fan fiction planning, but it was mentioned outside the kaylordom too, so take that as you wish.

Then came the masters heist.

Now, to understand the thought process of Kaylors at the time, you have to remember that we thought Karlie & Taylor had a secret romance, Joe was a beard, Josh was a beard - but since he comes from a crime family who have done a lot of bad things (to put it lightly) and are stupidly rich, Josh had Karlie trapped in such a tight contract and has so much blackmail material that Karlie was forced to fake marry him against her will - remember, it was only meant to be a photo shoot for a Vogue wedding spread showing what wedding fashion was available, it wasn’t meant to be a wedding! But josh had his team leak the photos and instead of saying it was all for a photo shoot, Karlie had to say she was now married. <- that was the narrative and thought process within the fandom.

So the fandom thought 🛴 and Josh conspired to announce the purchase of big machine/ taylor’s masters which would derail her coming out plans. The fandom thought Karlie had no idea it was happening. Scooter and Josh were worried Taylor was going to come out, which would ultimately out Karlie since there were so many rumours about Kaylor already, and it would then out Josh and ruin Josh’s image, making it look obvious to everyone that Josh and Karlie were just beards, but kaylor was real. To avoid tarnishing Josh’s hetero card, scooter waited until the end of June to announce he bought taylor’s music for maximum impact.

(Never mind that someone spent $300M to keep a client in the closet) that was how we interpreted the situation (kept writing the fan fiction) and that it was a blow to taylor and a huge betrayal from scooter to Karlie because now they had extra leverage / ways to hurt Karlie.

So yeah. It was a very sad time. This also is why some kaylors think hoax lyrics point to their everlasting love “my best laid plans” = tay ready to come out end of June “your sleight of hand” = scooter tricking Karlie when he bought the masters and any information about taylor that Karlie mentioned innocently was used against them, “my barren land” = taken on a new meaning since Karlie announced her pregnancy, but initially it was seen as the land that was meant to be blooming with love was left barren and empty because of the masters incident delaying her coming out.

It sounds absolutely ludicrous, but the only way to understand how it was easy to rationalise is to understand how adamant the fandom was/ is that Josh and joe are just beards, Karlie is locked in a contract, and taylor is trying to free the both of them. If there were any truth to this at all, it is nothing short of ghastly situation for Karlie and paints taylor as a Nobel warrior trying to save her princess from the tower 🦸🏼‍♀️👸🏼 ....

Karlie had what I think was a scheduled post cause it was ad content , but otherwise was unusually silent on social media for a week + after the announcement. We thought they were grieving together.

——-

Now for Emily Poe. Ok so I really didn’t do my research - I thought Emily was only one or two years older than Taylor, so it never even occurred to me that the idea of that relationship would’ve been extremely predatory and badbadbadbad. I regret not doing my due dillihence when I was part of a fandom that consumed this theory. So Emily theories have been around since Taylor first had gay speculation. Part of this was because of some funny photos like that one where taylor is standing next to a truck that says “...gay Texan” and emily and a guy in the band I can’t think of his name were pointing to taylor and smirking. It’s a funny photo. I can see my dumb teenage self making similar jokes long before I knew my sexuality because LOOOOL GAY was a thing back then. There’s the video taylor made for Emily where she held up the “we love you emily” sign and she went to everyone she toured with including brad paisley to hold up the sign and make heart hands and just be extremely cute - platonic or romantic - both seem plausible - and cute as hell! The video was set to the dashboard confessional song ‘stolen’ which is basically just the lyric “you have stolen my heart” over and over again. This video got renewed interest when people went back and looked back at the you belong with me video. The idea of taylor and her make love interest holding these a4 sheets of paper with “I love you” written on them seemed familiar. The story of how YBWM came about was that Taylor heard her guitarist on the phone with his girlfriend and his gf was yelling at him for something seemingly insignificant/ the gf was painted out as high drama and her guitarist seemed miserable every time he spoke to her for a while. So Taylor had the idea of a song about a girl thinking her friends girlfriend is horrible, but turn it into a love story where the two friends get together - classic romantic comedy trope - she took the idea to Liz Rose and it was one of the last songs written for Fearless and specifically made to be upbeat and preppy because taylor thought the album was lacking that vibe. If you take the story Taylor said inspired the song and swap it from her male guitarist (who she also said she had no feelings for), and change it to her female fiddle player, the story behind the song can be the same, just tweaked to be hetwashed. Emily was a cheerleader and had a boyfriend when she toured with taylor, so it’s easy enough to take those things at surface value and think there was some truth to Emily. Also the two biggest gaylor rumours pre swiftgron came from comments on a gossip site/ forum. One was that ‘Emily was fired after she was caught relieving taylor of stress’ and how ‘emily was interested in law, but this incident cemented she had to leave the band but the swift team gave her money so emily wouldn’t sue for being fired on a sexual harassment issue’ (of course, knowing the age difference, we know this would NOT be the case at all) and it is speculated it inspired taylor to write breathe because she was so sorry for how things ended. They were inseparable and then after her birthday, never seen together or mentioned each other on MySpace again.

The other comment was that taylor ‘was a pillow princess in high school’ and that she was happy to receive but not give because she wanted to maintain her virgin status and thought if she reciprocated it would make her gay — the comment was something like that.

Of course it would’ve been incredibly easy for idk, some random on the internet who has never even met taylor to say those things.... but it was taken as gospel by the gaylor truthers.

People who looked further found a girl they believed was Taylor’s high school gf, her name started with L... but I never really believed it so I don’t have the greatest knowledge of that one. It seemed ridiculous to me she had a 3 year gf as a teenager and not a single person from her high school - or anyone who knew her alleged gf - ever spoke about it publicly??? That would be a lot of NDAs and payouts to keep silent, but a lot of other people believed NDAs and hush money was spent, so yeah... 🤷‍♀️

She also had some fruity MySpace posts which seemed to help the case for gaylor, but imo, it also falls under the ‘teenagers on the internet are dumb especially when social media was brand new and thank god myspace doesn’t exist cause I don’t want to see my old one ever again’ category.

Sorry for the essay, I felt I had been summoned and wanted to give background on the fandom. When I log back in I think I need to change my bio, I’m not really here to talk kaylor , but the fandom. Cause it’s really sad what that narrative within the fandom has become and heartbreaking what that narrative has done to fans, especially queer kids trying to figure themselves out. I couldn’t see how toxic it was for a long time, I’m happy I’m out of there now. but I think it helps to understand how the fandom thought and saw things as to how easy it was for things to spiral to the state it’s in now.

As old T used to sign off, - lovelovelove 💜

Brilliant post thanks KH!

[kaylorrehabcenter]

Gold Rush and Happiness are Sisters

Gather round everyone and witness the clown try to prove that Taylor Swift wrote songs about a married (now pregnant) woman in the year of our lord 2020.

Also this is a seven page doc in my google docs so like. Get a cup of tea and some popcorn.

Ok full disclosure this is…..mostly me clowning. Like seriously. Don’t take my words as the word of God, this is just my interpretation and how I listen to the songs. And as a (former? Idk man) Kaylor I’m going to want to make these songs about my ship. Acknowledge your biases kids.

Also like. I change my mind a lot, but for a while this theory that Gold Rush and Happiness are connected has been stuck in my head and I wanted to write it down and post it in case anyone else got something out of this.

If you read my last post on Gold Rush (here!) you’ll know I don’t think of it as a happy song. To elaborate further- I think it’s Taylor catching herself looking back on Karlie/that time in her life (Because I think Karlie is emblematic of the 1989 era for Taylor and is thus tied to the pain that came out of that, along with her ties to the masters heist) and reminding herself it wasn’t good and ended for a reason.

“Gleaming, twinkling/eyes like sinking ships on waters/so inviting, I almost jump in”

“But I don’t like a gold rush” 

The sinking ship line makes me laugh. I like to think it’s Taylor saying she’s literally sunk our (dead) ship, but that’s mostly regressing to 2015 tumblr humur.

To the actual analysis, she almost jumps into these waters, maybe it’s literal (don’t text your ex kids, write a bop like closure instead) or maybe it’s more metaphorical. She almost allows herself to think the good times were the only times. Maybe there’s a desire to move back to nyc, capture the magic that she may have felt during the era. 

“I don’t like that flying feels like falling till the bone crush”

But that’s the thing. It feels like flying at the time, but it isn’t a feeling that can last. These relationships built on temporary promises (we’re assuming here Taylor was a side thing for Karlie, not that serious and built not to last, even if there were genuine romantic feelings on both sides, which I think there were to some level) won’t last, and will hurt when they do end. At least, this one did.

“Everyone wonders what it would be like to love you”

Everybody wants who she’s singing about and is imagining what it would be like to be with them, they think it would be a fairytale. Hell, Taylor probably thought their relationship would be a fairytale against her better judgement. Karlie is a celebrity and a model no less, yes she has other things going for her (Koding and investments), her brand and her success in the fashion world depends to some degree people desiring and fantasizing about her.

“I don’t like that anyone would die to feel your touch”

The funny thing about that, Taylor’s the only one who knows the pain of that relationship, of being a side thing and never committed to. It’s draining. It's difficult. She isn’t allowing herself to jump into those waters.

“I see me padding across your wooden floor/with my Eagles t shirt hanging on the door”

I point out this line mostly because it feels like a Delicate call back (Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs). Am I reaching though? Probably. Also as someone with parents about the same age as Taylor’s (give or take ten years), I like the Eagles reference. Stream Hotel California for clear skin <3

“At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit”

Taylor was the first person to call Karlie out on her “I’ve tried!!” bullshit, how cute. <3

Besides this line being very iconic, it also shows to me that Taylor’s been frustrated with Kar even when she was busy giving her heart eyes. She’s a frustrating person to be around even when you are “turning her life into folklore”.

“What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/With your hair falling into place like dominoes”

Damn that’s a gay couples lines you got there Tay. Wonder if you’re wondering what it must’ve been like for Kar to grow up in the model industry, and all of the pressure and exhilaration that entails. From a male’s perspective ofc.

I also take the dominoes line to be Taylor saying what must’ve it been like to have this easy idyllic childhood. Maybe Taylor is the first time Karlie’s been with a girl outside of a hookup and didn’t have to go through the pain of realizing she was into women until later in life. (Not that that’s not painful, it’s just different, and allows you to have a perfectly straight childhood/teenagerhood)

“And the coastal town we wandered 'round had nеver seen a love as pure as it/And thеn it fades into the gray of my day-old tea/'Cause it could never be”

Maybe this relationship never existed in the way she thought at all. You know Carrie Fischer’s character in When Harry Met Sally and how until she meets the right guy, she spends the whole movie insisting that whatever married guy she’s seeing really loves her!! And he’s gonna leave his wife for her!! That’s what these two songs make me think about, waking up and realizing they were never going to leave their wife, you were projecting this whole story onto someone else, but that doesn’t mean there was no value in what happened.

“And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it/'Cause it fades into the gray of my day-old tea/'Cause it will never be”

The coastal town seems an obvious Rhode Island reference, to get more specific it reminds me of when Josh and Karlie visited Taylor at her Rhode Island home in 2014 and Josh looks peeved as hell. 1, 2 Also if I remember correctly, enty has a blind where he says there was a huge fight between Josh and Taylor which ended in Taylor not wanting to be around him again. Just interesting to note. (And if anyone has the receipt, please send it my way!)

Taylor may have been projecting this fairytale narrative at the time of being able to make it work, of being friends with Josh even but it didn’t work and the fairytale is left to be folklore, never made real.

The outro is the same as the intro to the song, implying to me that while she’s telling herself it was bad, you weren’t happy, she’s still catching herself missing it and what she had with Karlie. She left a part of her back in New York see, and she can’t stop her mind from retracing old footsteps.

Now, onto how I think Happiness and how I think it connects. I’m about to audition for the national team in the reaching Olympics. Wish me luck. :)

A bit of a preamble though, I don’t take this song ~super~ literally. Depending on what day of the week it is I think it’s probably her divorcee rpg simulator or her closing the book on her ex situationship gf on her own terms ~in a straight way~. So not to discredit this whole ass post but. Take with a grain of salt.

“Honey, when I'm above the trees/I see this for what it is”

See that bold bit? That’s the main connective tissue between these songs. She’s finally woken up and now that she’s this far removed from the relationship she sees what it was. To add to the pain of it all, this is especially potent if you wonder if Karlie gaslit Tay into thinking this wasn’t a big deal, they were just fucking around when Karlie has literal Softest Love Song You Are In Love dedicated to her.

“But now I'm right down in it, all the years I've given/Is just shit we're dividin' up”

This seems to me to be a masters heist reference. Karlie since Lover, is musically tied to this event in Taylor’s life, it’s what I think is keeping Tay from making a clean break from her so to speak. 

“Showed you all of my hiding spots/I was dancing when the music stopped”

This seems to be a Rep era/dwoht reference. Yes, Taylor constantly references dancing, but the hiding spots (loved you in secret! you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis!) combined with the dancing when the music stopped (I'd kiss you as the lights went out! Swaying as the room burned down!) brings out the full kaylor clown in me. 

“There'll be happiness after you/But there was happiness because of you/Both of these things can be true”

This is probably some of the most gut wrenching lyrics Taylor’s ever written. Damn, imagine having that written about you. Anyway, the point here is the thesis of this whole damn post. Gold Rush is Taylor catching herself daydreaming about the happy parts, and reminding herself about the bad to make her snap out of it. Happiness is her coming to terms that both parts of that relationship were true. Things aren’t that simple. 

“Haunted by the look in my eyes/That would've loved you for a lifetime/Leave it all behind”

This feels very Cruel Summer doesn’t it? “I love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” These lines make this relationship read as two things to me. One, it was very one sided, and Taylor/the narrator, was obviously left behind at the end of it when she was heavily invested into making this work. And 2, it was doomed from the beginning. Again. Big cruel summer energy here.

Or it’s a divorcee rpg simulator 3000. Now with extra glamour and opportunities to dramatically drink wine in dressing gowns.

I don’t have a lot to say about the second verse of the song that. Karlie has a nice smile, Gatsby reference, dig at whoever the next person to take Taylor’s place as a side fling (or a dig at Josh, or a baby reference since that’s what the Gatsby line refers to). The only other thing worthy of note for this post is the line following the Gatsby reference.

“No, I didn't mean that/Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury”

 is the next line, where she regrets what she just said and admits to saying overly harsh things and overlooking the truth of the matter when she’s angry, which to me feels like a big Afterglow/Me! reference.

“There'll be happiness after me/But there was happiness because of me/Both of these things, I believe”

I think a lot of what Taylor’s doing emotionally in the chorus is legitimizing this relationship for herself. Yeah, Josh and Karlie will have a happy life in Florida with Ivanka and them, but Taylor also made Karlie happy too and she doesn’t want Karlie to forget it. 

It reminds me of the way she talks about August, that she genuinely loves James/Karlie, and thinks they have something. But she’s just the pit stop on the commitment highway, and the depth of her feelings for the other person will never be acknowledged. It’s exhausting you know?

“In our history, across our great divide”

“Guilty, guilty reaching out across the sea/That you put between you and me”

Nothing to see here, just a nifty parallel. Karlie doesn’t want wrinkles in her new life see.

“There is a glorious sunrise/Dappled with the flickers of light/From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind/And there is happiness”

This bit (which has some of my favorite imagery in this whole dang album!!!) reminds me of the end of the Wildest Dreams mv where she runs out to the car with the lover following her after the big charade of pretending not to care as much as she does, while knowing you aren’t the one that got picked.

Interestingly, if you look at the shot of the four characters together near the end, the outfits parallel the ones worn by Kar, Tay, and Josh at the 2014 Met Gala. This was of course the one where Tay and Kar got ready together and Karlie proceeded to spend the night with Josh and where Tay just looks. Miserable. (see here!)

The line also parallels Wildest Dreams lyrically.

“Say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress/Staring at the sunset, babe”

Which you know. Worth noting.

The last line (And there is happiness) seems to point to there being happiness in leaving the bad situation just as much as there was happiness in the situation. It’s Time to Go anyone?

“I can't make it go away by making you a villain/I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven”

A series of thoughts. One, I love the first line where Taylor acknowledges anger isn’t going to make it better. There’s only so much being angry in this situation will do, and it’s not like Taylor’s record is clean here either. (I mean I assume. We know she went psycho on the phone anyway)

Two. Seven years in heaven is both a play on a famous game/turn of phrase (Seven minutes in heaven) but one of the more bold references to Karlie in her whole damn discography. Do I think they’ve been together for seven years straight? Not really. But do I think Taylor saw an opportunity and jumped on it? Yep. 

“And I pulled your body into mine/Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties”

No thoughts head empty this line is a sucker punch and I love it. If anyone needs me I’ll be watching her perform ikywt on the vsfs and crying to yail.

“All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness”

Oh look! Another Gatsby reference. Or Taylor calling Karlie out on profiting off of her association with Tay after they clearly did not end on good terms. (Folklore themed maternity shoot anyone?) I mean, whatever floats your boat. 

A bit on the green light metaphor from Gatsby, because it’s worth noting even if I don’t have much more to say on it here.

“Situated at the end of Daisy’s East Egg dock and barely visible from Gatsby’s West Egg lawn, the green light represents Gatsby’s hopes and dreams for the future. Gatsby associates it with Daisy, and in Chapter 1 he reaches toward it in the darkness as a guiding light to lead him to his goal.”

Yes I copied that from Spark Notes. No I am not sorry. I have an exam tomorrow and I’m writing about a dead ship on a dead social media website. Sometimes we do what we must do.

I love the ending of this song, I really really do, it feels like taking in a breath of air and finally feeling free of the weight you’re carrying. It feels like a final goodbye, like Tay’s getting closure on her own terms and I truly love that for her. Bb’s stepping out into the daylight. <3 

There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide

There is a glorious sunrise

Dappled with the flickers of light

From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind

Oh, leave it all behind

Leave it all behind

And there is happiness

So, what was this whole seven page post for then? 

Gold Rush and Happiness being connected has been a theory rattling around in my brain for forever and I’ve wanted to write it down for just as long. The tldr of it all is pretty simple, Gold Rush is about her reminiscing about the good parts of Kaylor, and pulling herself out of it, reminding herself it was bad and bad for her. Happiness is her legitimizing the relationship, and moving on while acknowledging there was bad and good in their story. It just took me seven goddamn pages to articulate that.

If you’ve reached the end of this. Damn. Thanks. Go get a snack or something, you deserve it after reading this.

[dc41896]

Save Room for Us

Hey guys☺️! So this is inspired by the songs “Save Room for Us” by Tinashe and “Should’ve Been Us” by Tori Kelly (idk if that’s a thing for an imagine to be inspired by two songs that but here we are lol). Also I feel like it’s a bit lengthy so sorry about that and hope you guys like it!

Pairing: Chris EvansxBlack Reader

⚠️: Tiny bit of angst but mostly fluff💕!

“Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grins? Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?,” you sing along with Pocahontas on the television screen while your 10 month old daughter, Ameera, sat in your lap as you finished securing the bow on her last puff.

Babbling as she gazes at the movie, the chime of the security alarm from the front door opening draws her attention as she crawls towards the armrest. “Looks like your favorite uncle is here,” you smile hearing her excitedly squeal seeing Chris walk into the room.

“I’m coming sweetheart just let me wash my hands first.”

Having stayed with him in his Boston home throughout the entirety of quarantine so far, Ameera had become attached to her new playmate. When he wasn’t being interviewed or working with Mark, you’d find the both of them laughing on the floor on top of one of his throws playing peek a boo or with one of her many toys.

Sometimes they’d even watch Disney movies together with Chris being the reason for her current obsession with Pocahontas. Both sat with eyes glued to the screen wrapped in a blanket eating a snack, you couldn’t help but secretly take a picture trying to hide your laughter at the adorable site.

“Hi meemo,” Chris smiles picking up the already giggling little girl and kissing her cheek before sitting on the couch beside you. “What have you been doing since I’ve been gone huh?”

“The usual. Eating, playing, fussing when she wants to watch her new favorite movie.”

“Sounds like you had a busy day,” he chuckles tickling under her chin. “And what about you? Still packing your stuff?”

“Yea I uh packed some of her toys earlier but that’s it.”

“You know, you don’t have to go. I don’t have a problem with you guys staying as long as you want. Even ma told me to tell you her place is open too,” he adds looking at you while your daughter plays with the pendant on his necklace.

Being your best friend, you knew he’d try to do whatever he could for you both, but that still didn’t take away the guilt you felt from the situation. You didn’t want to inconvenience him in any way with Ameera’s crying or her, at times, crazy sleep schedule especially since he was still working. He assured you that wouldn’t be the case though when he suggested you come stay with him during an impromptu venting session on your part.

Your parents wanted you to stay with them instead of being on your own in the apartment, but with five people living in a three bedroom house you knew things would eventually feel cramped. You were already stressed enough with everything going on and doing your best to take care of your baby. You didn’t feel like your family being on top of you would help.

And so here you were these past four months and counting living with your best friend from high school.

“I know, but my parents have been on my back talking about how they wish they could see Ameera in person and how I should be spending time with them, so I think it’s time we leave. Plus I’m sure you’re ready to get rid of us,” you laugh propping your elbow on the back of the couch.

“Never, if you guys wanted to live here forever I wouldn’t mind,” he smiles as Ameera taps his eyebrows with her small palms trying to get some words out but only releasing grunts making him laugh.

“Hey now, be gentle.”

“It’s ok, I know what she wants.” Raising his eyebrows and making a stern face, she wildly squeals showing her one tooth while grinning and bouncing up and down.

“Listen here small person, if you think you’re the most adorable one here you’re in for a rude awakening,” he speaks in a low voice further prompting her giggles.

“Why have you been doing Lucas Lee in front of my child?,” you laugh as he turns to you returning to his normal expression.

“Well she was fussy one day we were waiting for you to get out the shower so I did it making a funny face and she loved it. I guess it’s been our thing since.”

“Oh boy, I don’t think you know what you’ve created meera.”

“What? Everybody loves Lucas Lee,” he ruggedly speaks getting back into character. “That’s been proven from my numerous fan voted awards,” he winks making you lean forward in laughter and him join in soon after.

“Da-da!” Both of you snapping your heads to your daughter, you watch her giggle with hands on his chest as she presses her lips against his cheek trying to give him a kiss but leaving a slobbery mess instead.

“Da-da!”

“Meemo that’s your first word! Do it again, say da da!”

“Or how about we try uncle? Say un-cle!,” you smile playing with her hand.

“Dada,” she giggles again lying her head in the crook of his neck before letting out a soft yawn and making him aw as he gently sways her side to side.

“I can put her to sleep if you want?”

“No it’s okay I got her. Come on Ameera it’s nap time.”

Taking her from his hands, she pokes out her bottom lip as she begins to fuss not wanting to leave her uncle.

“It’s okay, I’ll be here when you wake up,” he tries to soothe only to be met with tears while you walk her to the guest room. Smiling to himself he hears you quietly sing the familiar melody over the baby monitor on the table eventually getting her to settle. Whenever he heard it, whether from your mouth or somewhere else, he was always brought back to visiting you in the hospital shortly after Ameera was born.

Tip toeing in the room behind your mom to surprise you, he found you alone with a content smile sitting in bed as you gently swaddled the tiny infant lying in front of you.

“My cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore, you're the only girl my heart beats for, how I wish that you were mine,” you sung carefully picking her up to cradle in your arms.

“I picked something up for you while I was out,” your mom smiled moving aside to reveal a slightly crouched Chris holding two large pink gift bags designed with cartoon storks.

“I thought you were away filming?!”

“Well, I heard it was someone’s birthday today so I’m here for the party!,” he answers kissing your temple as he gently hugs you with his free arm trying not to wake the currently sleeping bundle. “Welcome to the world Ameera.”

“Say thank you uncle Chris! You really didn’t have to get more gifts though, you’ve already done enough. And that especially goes for if there’s anything Patriots in there, you might as well throw it out now.”

“No there’s nothing Patriots in here now, but give it a couple years I’m gonna have her own jersey made.”

“You better not,” you both laugh startling Ameera as she begins to squirm and whine in your arms. Consoling her while you apologize, a soft smile forms on his lips as his gaze lingers on you.

Curls tied on the top of your head wearing your light blue ‘granny pajamas’, as you called them, and your glasses perched on your nose he knew you probably didn’t feel it but in this moment it was as if you were the most beautiful being he’d laid eyes on.

He always did think you were beautiful though from the first time you met, and now with the remnants of your pregnancy glow mixing with the one you already had from your natural beauty, he never wanted to look away.

“Hey, sorry about that,” you shyly speak interrupting his thoughts as you return to your seat next to him.

“About what the crying? Y/N I think I’m pretty used to that by now,” he chuckles while you shake your head.

“No, about her calling you dada. I promise we haven’t been practicing that or anything I was just as shocked as you.”

“Oh that, you don’t have to apologize,” he responds waving you off. “I mean she’s seen me everyday for four months, it’s understandable how it would happen. Plus I don’t mind if she wants to call me dad.”

“That’s very sweet, but what happens when you get a girlfriend? You don’t think that’ll seem weird to them your best friend’s kid calling you dad?”

“Well if after I explain why Ameera calls me dad they have a problem, then they’re not for me,” he shrugs.

“And what about when you have kids?”

“Then they’ll have an older sister. Like I said though Y/N if you’re not okay with it-,”

“It’s not that I’m not it’s just...,” you begin, sighing as you look down at the cushion below you trying to figure out your feelings. Of course it warmed your heart how he’d gladly fulfil that role for Ameera, but at the same time she wasn’t his responsibility. You didn’t want him to feel like he was obligated to do anything just because you were friends.

“Chris be honest, do you feel guilty because of what happened with me and Josh?”

Hearing that name instantly made him clench his jaw as he vividly remembered the night you confessed everything that was going on in your seemingly happy relationship. He just called to check on you and Ameera since it had been a while you two last spoke with him back working. You tried to stand strong saying how both of you were fine and updating him on how much she had grown, but being your friend for so long even through the phone he knew something was off.

That’s when you broke down explaining how Josh, your then fiancé, was feeling “stressed” from the pressures of marriage and fatherhood, and how he found comfort in, Kyla, one of the trainers at the gym he frequented.

He’d never consider himself a violent man, but it took every atom and particle in him not to pay a little visit to Josh to take care of him himself.

“Because if you are, you don’t need to be. Meera is mine and his responsibility and if he doesn’t want to step up then-.” Lightly shaking his head, he grabs your hands scooting closer to peer deeper into your brown eyes that were nearly on the verge of tears.

“No no no no Y/N listen to me, what I do for you and for meemo is because I care so much for both of you that I will do any and everything I can. That’s how I’ve felt since we were younger, since you told me you were pregnant, and how I’ll always feel. If anything, the thing I feel guilty about is not saving you from that heartache.”

“Chris don’t do that to yourself, how could you have saved me? You didn’t know that was gonna happen.”

“No I didn’t, but maybe if I would’ve told you earlier what I’ve always wanted to tell you then...things would be different,” he responds seemingly nervous as he releases a breath and eyes look as if he’s trying to carefully choose his next words.

“Our junior year I realized I liked you as more than a friend and I wanted to tell you before I left, but I got scared. So, I figured by the time I saw you again I’d have built up the courage to tell you how I felt but that wasn’t until your graduation where I found out you were going away for college. I didn’t want to be something that potentially added stress or held you back so again I left it alone. Missed chance after missed chance and eventually you met Josh and once you got engaged I knew that was it. I had no more chances. Looking back though I wish I would’ve said something sooner and then you wouldn’t have to had go through all of that and-and...”

Becoming silent, he sighs raking his hand through his dark brown strands looking towards the wooden beams on the ceiling.

“...and Ameera would be our daughter and not just mine,” you finish as he slowly nods with hands covering his face.

“I know, I’m a terrible person for thinking that.” Removing his hands to reveal his reddened face, a small smile rests on your lips as you lift his eyelids open so he could look at you.

“You’re not a terrible person for wondering what could have happened if you did something differently, everyone’s done it in some way. And as far as saving me goes, yea it would’ve been nice but in my opinion, sometimes the things we go through serve as lessons to help us in the future somehow. So take failed relationships for example, those are lessons we learn that help build us to be who we’re supposed to be. And when we finally find our person, yea that’ll come with its own lessons too, but again it’s part of the building process and what we’ve already learned will help us in that relationship with them.”

Light eyes staring into yours, you feel a bit insecure as you sit back turning your attention to the tv as you grab the remote. “Then again that probably made no sense and sounded dumb and naive and-,”

Before you could come up with more adjectives, you feel warm lips and prickling hair tap the corner of your mouth making you instinctively touch the same spot as you look at Chris.

“I-I’m sorry I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you. It’s just what you said earlier definitely wasn’t dumb and-honestly figures I missed because I didn’t ask you first and you didn’t even say how you felt-,” he rambles before your hand covers his mouth.

“Christopher Dork Evans shut up. Would it have been nice of you to ask me first? Yes, and you’re right you shouldn’t have tried to kiss me....especially when my lips were turned in another direction.”

Looking at you slightly confused as you remove your hand, you shift your gaze to his lips as you inch closer until he meets you halfway to connect with yours. Slow and passionate, your lips move together as if they had plenty of practice doing this before. Feeling your body being shifted to his lap, your arms join around his neck as his hands keep you secured to his body holding your back and creeping down until...

“What? What happened?,” he lightly chuckles after you giggle against his lips breaking the intimate moment.

“You weren’t lying when you said that’s your preference.” Quickly removing his hands from your butt the heat returns to neck and face as he nervously laughs.

“Sorry, force of habit. I mean not that every girl I kiss I instantly grab it, and not that I make out with a lot of girls-,”

“It’s okay dork, I don’t mind,” you giggle leaning back in to return to where you left off. Centimeters apart, you both look towards the table once you hear the beginning of a light cry from the baby monitor signaling Ameera had woken up from her nap.

“She’s probably wet,” you both speak at the same time making you both laugh.

“You relax, I got her.” Quickly pecking your lips, you move over so he can stand up to make his way to her room. Face pressed against the pillow held against your chest, you couldn’t get rid of the giddy smile on your lips as his words and everything that followed really sink in.

“Hey meemo! Have a good nap?,” you hear him ask through the baby monitor.

“Da da,” she replies sounding a mix of sad and tired as she holds up her arms to be freed from her crib.

“I know you weren’t ready to wake up yet were you? The nasty wet diaper made you wake up?”

Silently giggling to yourself with their back and forth exchange as he changes her diaper, you soon hear footsteps returning as you sit up to see her lying on his shoulder while he carefully sits down.

“It’s a little weird, but I’m gonna miss seeing drool spots on my shirts when you guys leave,” he chuckles softly rubbing her back.

“Well I was just thinking that maybe staying with my parents doesn’t have to be long term. Like maybe we could be there for a week or two then come back and do that every now and then. If it’s okay with you that is.”

“Yea of course I’d be fine with that,” he smiles. “What made you change your mind?”

“Meera’s really comfortable here and I don’t want to possibly disrupt that you know? Plus I’d probably have to FaceTime you every day and night or else she’d be upset,” you laugh lightly grazing your thumb back and forth against her tiny hand.

“And it’s just Meera feeling that way?”

“Okay, maybe that’s how we both feel,” you smile leaning up to kiss his cheek.

Taglist: @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicanawrites @honeychicana @themyscxiras @lady-olive-oil @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @literaturefeen @damnitaa @curlyhairclub @renfrewscorner @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy @jojolu @secretmysteriousperson @plokyu23

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for, or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know🤓!

[et-lesailes]

family of five

pairing: dad!chris x wife!reader

word count: 2085

summary: just a typical evening in the evans household starring you, chris, and your three children.

themes: fluff, marriage, children, mentions of sex

taglist: @viarogers​ , @evanstush​ , @chibi-crazy​ ,  @pining-and-tired​ , @songforhema​, @sebabestianstan101​ , @tanyam93​ , @bval-1​, @wonderwinchester​ , @little-miss-exo​, @poerebel​ , @gogomez-509​ , @patzammit​, @a-distantdreamer, @malthestorytellerblog, @rainbowkisses31​, @jbug491writinghelp​, @quaideraid​, @melannie77​, @gigistorm, @lille-kattunge​, @teller258316​, @rohaintahquil​, @deidrashouseofpain, @firstangeldragonranch, @peach-acid, @allsortsofinterests​, @xoxabs88xox​, @heyiamthatbitch, @cptn-sgrogers, @heyyouwiththeassbutt, @bangtan-serendipity, @troublermalik, @beardburnsupersoldiers, @captainscanadian​, @rumoured-whispers​, @lemonster120​, @puddlejoy​

note: yeah idk just had muse for this lmao might make a part 2 with smut?? lmk what u guys want :))

“Hey, hey! Dad that was totally unfair, I wasn’t ready yet!” 

“Damn, maybe you’re just not ready to be on the football team then!”

You giggled fondly as you watched your husband and son playfully tantalize each other, leaning over the deck watching them practice throws and tackles. While it was normally the patriarch who manned the grill, you were more than happy to be the one currently making the burgers and hot dogs for the family- summer was coming to an end, and the five of you were making the most of each day before everything got hectic again. Sixteen-year-old Rayne with her acting classes and dance team, fifteen-year-old Lowell with his football tryouts and, well, constantly being out with his friends and his “girlfriend” of the week, and ten-year-old Mickey with her piano practices and soccer games. They were certainly an active and well rounded bunch, and you couldn’t be more proud. You and Chris had really refrained from putting too much pressure on them; the two of you had just gotten lucky with having children who had so many interests and an eagerness to get involved. 

“Mom! Mom, oh my God, look!” You looked up to an excited Rayne practically bouncing out to the deck, holding up her phone screen. “Josh just asked if I wanted to get ice cream with him tonight! Can I go??” You looked at the text with a wide smile before looking to her. “Sure sweetie, after dinner, okay? Is he picking you-”

“Excuse me, what’s going on here?” You hadn’t even heard Chris come up the stairs of the deck, but now he was already leaned over behind you, one hand on your shoulder as he inspected the message. He then looked to his eldest daughter with a playful twinkle in his eyes. “Is this the Josh who’s a senior? An older boy, Rayne? Give me that phone, let me text him.” The teenager laughed, immediately pulling it back. “Dad! You literally met him at the game last year, you said you liked him remember??” She sighed dreamily, clinging onto your arm playfully. “And he can drive. He has his own car. And he’s so mature, he’s so much better than the boys in my grade!” 

“You still have a crush on Josh?” Lowell came bounding up the stairs, blonde hair slightly sweaty from his and Chris’ little practice. “Haven’t you liked him since, like, kindergarten?” Rayne rolled her eyes, letting go of your arm and looking at her screen starting to text him back. “No, that’s ridiculous. But… he did have a really cute haircut in first grade…” You couldn’t help but laugh, turning back to the grill and flipping the patties. “Well, looks like he’s interested in you too, girlie. What are you going to wear?” The girl immediately looked up with wide blue eyes. “Shit! I gotta figure that out! I’ll be right back!” She was already dashing inside and up the stairs when you looked up, Chris calling playfully after her, “No short shorts or spaghetti straps, got it?! And tell Mickey to get off that damn iPad and come down for dinner!” 

Lowell arched an eyebrow in amusement, leaning against the railing as he crossed his arms. “Man. Rayne’s got a date tonight and I don’t? Maybe I should hit Haley up…” Chris looked to his only son, scoffing lightly though grinning. “And what happened to Chloe? I thought she was the new love of your life.” The blond teenager sighed dramatically and you couldn’t help but quietly giggle as you began moving the burgers to a platter. “Chloe’s… fine, I guess, but we don’t have a lot in common. I think I just liked her because she has big boobs. Seriously, they practically look fake, but they’re not.” You blinked and wrinkled your nose playfully, reaching out to give him a light punch. “Lowell! You can’t decide you like someone-- let alone love them-- because of their boobs!” He playfully whined, rubbing his arm. “Well I know that now, I learned my lesson! Isn’t that what I just said?” Chris laughed, taking the platter and setting it on the outdoor table. “Well, we’re proud of you for learning these important life lessons, kiddo, but I wish you had the same motivation to do so in class….” 

“Don’t get your hopes up, Daddy,” a smaller but cheeky voice sounded from the open sliding doors, your youngest daughter standing there with a playful grin. “Lowie should just stick to sports.” The older boy blinked and made a face, coming over to ruffle his sister’s hair- he had certainly inherited Chris’ height, considering that at fifteen he was already almost six feet tall and towering over little Mickey-- and even you. “Excuse you, nerd, just wait until high school. It’s harder, okay?” Chris chuckled and came over, playfully scooping Mickey up and over her shoulder as she squealed and giggled. “Don’t be such a smart ass with your brother, princess. And you,” he turned to Lowell, reaching out to ruffle his hair just as roughly, “Mick’s not a nerd. She just happened to inherit her mama’s wonderful brain.” 

“So…. Mom’s a nerd, too?” Lowell questioned playfully, giving you his signature devious grin. “Excuse me?” You put a hand on your hip as if ready to scold him, but you were obviously joking around-- it was quite a daily occurrence for your family to roast each other like this. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” He ran over to hug you as if scared you were upset with him, then suddenly picked you up off your feet making you scream in surprise before laughing. “Alright, alright, put me down!” He laughed too, setting you back down on your feet. “Love ya, Mom!” He gave you his charming smirk identical to his father’s and you rolled your eyes, shaking your head fondly. “Yeah, yeah. Go set the table.” 

“And get me a beer from the fridge!” Chris called out after him, still holding Mickey over his shoulder as she playfully squirmed around. 

______________

“God I love when you wear that shirt, baby.” Chris came up behind you at the dresser in your bedroom, wrapping his arms around you as he gave your cheek a kiss. You smiled as you looked down at your Patriots tank top before turning your head to quickly catch his lips in a light peck. “Well, it makes my boobs look good, so, you know.” You answered playfully, and he smirked as he moved his large hands up your waist to nonchalantly squeeze your breasts. “Your boobs always look good. Especially since you had the kids, shit.” You giggled, turning around to face him and rubbing his chest lightly. “Let’s go say goodnight to the kids and then you’re more than welcome to worship my boobs some more,” you teased, and he laughed, leaning down to kiss you. “Mm alright, seems like a fair deal to me.” 

Rayne’s room was first. She was already laying in bed, curled up under the sheets and probably texting Josh, no doubt. She had already come to your room to tell you and Chris everything about the date; it meant a lot to you that your children could be so open about their personal lives, and you knew Chris was pleased about this too. While he joked around about being overprotective and not wanting Rayne to date, he was not strict or controlling- he understood that that would not get his children to communicate or be honest with him. And so instead, he offered them healthy advice about dating, knowing that while they would eventually make mistakes they would learn from, he could do his best to make sure they still stayed as safe as they could while exploring other relationships. 

“Alright, Ray Ray, time to say goodnight to Josh.” Chris playfully commanded as he walked in, leaning down by her bedside to give her a kiss on the head. She wrinkled her nose but shook her head cutely as she turned to look at him. “I can’t right now, Daddy, he’s telling me a really funny story!” You smiled and came over to give her a kiss as well. “Don't be up too late, sweetie. We love you.” She sat up slightly to give both of you hugs. “I love you too!” 

The two of you stepped out, heading for the game room next- you had already tucked Mickey in about an hour or two ago, the youngest always sleeping earlier partly because of her designated bedtime and partly because she ended up being sleepy so early anyways. You opened the door slightly and stood in the doorway with a light smile; Lowell had a couple of his friends sleeping over, and the three of them were currently sitting in front of the TV aggressively using the controllers. “Hey buddy. Just wanted to say goodnight! Do you boys need anything?” you asked, and one of them immediately paused the game, looking up at you almost dazed. “No, no we’re good!” Chris watched in amusement, simply wrapping his arms around you lazily from behind. “Alright, well there’s extra blankets in the laundry room. Don’t play games all night, yeah?” His friends were still staring at you, wearing rather goofy smiles. “We won’t, Mrs. E! Promise!” Chris raised an eyebrow, holding back his laughter. “Alright. Night, kiddos.” Lowell smiled up at both of you. “Night Mom, night Dad. Love you guys!” You blew him a kiss before stepping back, closing the door. “Man, your mom’s so hot,” you and Chris could faintly hear from behind the door, and you had to cover your mouth to keep from laughing. “Ew, Dylan, shut up!” Lowell scoffed, but another voice sounded after, “Alright, if not her, think I have a chance with Rayne? She’s so pretty, she looks just like your mom…”

“Jesus,” Chris mumbled as he kept his arms around you, though his smile indicated that he was just as amused. “Hell no, Rayne already has a thing with Josh Miller. Now can we stop obsessing over my mom and sister? Unless you want to talk about Mickey next,” Lowell spoke sarcastically, and they all finally returned to playing. You giggled as you let Chris pull you into your bedroom, closing the door behind you.

“They’ve got it bad for you, baby doll. How’s it feel being a MILF? Not that we didn’t know you were one already.” He teased, pulling you onto his lap as he sat down. You smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck, arching a brow. “Apparently both of us still got it, because Rayne’s friends obsess just as much over you.” 

“Mm? You jealous, pretty girl?”

“Maybe I should be, considering you clearly like younger women,” you spoke as you gestured to yourself playfully. He laughed loudly, leaning in and kissing you lovingly. “Don’t worry, baby doll, I’ll at least wait until they’re eighteen,” he joked, running his fingers through your hair. You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but giggle; you had always shared the same sense of humor, and so he never failed to make you laugh (until he brought out the incredibly lame dad jokes). He let out a sigh afterward, pulling you down with him to lie down together, arms wrapped around you. “Damn, it’s been a long day.” He turned to face you more properly, smirking slightly. “Honey, I gotta say I’m kind of looking forward to them going back to school.” You blinked and laughed, poking his nose as you inquired, “Why?” Though you already had a pretty good idea.

“Mm so Daddy can fuck his pretty girl all day long without having to worry about any meddlesome ears listening in.” He growled close to your ear before giving your cheek a playfully rough and sloppy kiss. You hummed as you barely shivered, always turned on by his more dominant and authoritative side, running your fingers over his chest. “Maybe I can help Daddy out a little right now,” you purred, slowly moving your hand down to rub his crotch, barely smirking upon feeling his bulge through the fabric. He let out a little groan, bucking his hips. “Fuck… that’s my girl….”

It was safe to say the two of you were up late, perhaps even later than your children-- you could only imagine what the first day of school would be like. You doubted he would even let you make it to work on time, if at all.

[crows-murder]

Theater nerd Bozer

I wanna make headcanons about MacGyver so I will.

Wilt Bozer was a smart kid. He was in all Pre-AP and AP classes in both middle and high school. Sure, he wasn’t Mac smart, but he was a studious kid who did his homework and was naturally gifted in math and science.

He was in fifth grade when he developed an interest for the performing arts after going to New York City during the summer and going to Broadway.

In sixth grade he chose theater as his elective (IDK how Mission City worked, so I based it off of my school sue me).

And he loved every minute of it (except that one time he got props crew).

He liked the acting enough, but much preferred operating behind the scenes (especially as costume or make-up crew)

He loved doing research on the time period and looking for costumes for the time period and assembling them, buying fabrics and sewing it together, or browsing through costume stores and antique shops. He loved styling wigs for some characters, or applying stage make-up to make the actors look older in some cases.

He loved readjusting the costumes during dress rehearsals, resizing, fixing the seams, adjusting parts, adding accessories to the outfit.

He also loved being in crew because his mom would always give him make-up tips and help him out with the sewing of the costumes and his dad would help him buy the needed fabrics. It was a type of family activity in its own way.

In 8th grade, Bozer got cast as the Beast in the production of Beauty and the Beast Jr. (it was his first and only lead role).

It was actually his first kiss.

His first kiss was Belle, and it took both of them a while to do it without blushing and burst into nervous giggles.

It also turned out that Belle (played by an 8th grader named Maggie) became his first girlfriend.

They lasted three months, but Bozer had liked dating her and she was nice enough that they stayed friends until graduation.

Mac, of course, was clueless when it came to theater. But that never deterred him. He came to every single one of Bozer’s rehearsals and every single performance (even that one time he had a bad case of the flu and got a lot of people sick afterwards).

Mac will be damned if he won’t be there to support his best (and only) friend.

Bozer’s second elective (that he got to choose in 8th grade), of course, was home ec (his dad was an amazing cook and Bozer wanted to be able to cook just like him, too).

Another reason (that he still adamantly denies to this day) is that he just wanted to bake his friend a birthday cake. He knew Mac’s history with his birthday-- hell, he’d been there two years ago when his old man left for good-- but he refused to not celebrate his friend’s birthday. He was stubborn that way (he blames Mac for that).

For the past two years, Bozer would drag Mac (literally) to the local bakery and buy two cupcakes with his limited allowance and ask for a candle and that was how they celebrated Mac’s birthday. This year, Bozer was going to change things up.

Of course, that year, Mac’s birthday fell on the opening night of their production, but Bozer refused not to bake the cake. His parents had tried to discourage him, but they finally gave up and let Bozer stay up late to finish his best friend’s cake (secretly they were proud of their son and knew how much Mac meant to him-- just as much as Josh had meant to him).

After the performance, Bozer turned down the celebratory waffles at IHOP (a tradition), since he could still go after the next two performances, and instead dragged Mac back to his house where Bozer and his parents had decided to set up a birthday dinner for him.

When Bozer came out of the kitchen with the cake (chocolate, Mac’s favorite, sloppily iced with purple buttercream icing and ‘happy birthday Mac!’ in shaky writing), Mac broke down, understanding what Bozer had done.

Bozer of course, starts freaking out thinking he did something wrong (he didn’t, Mac was just really touched).

They all enjoy the rest of the night and Mac’s twelfth birthday (he skipped two grades) is the best one he’s had since his dad left (Bozer hates James MacGyver a little more because of this).

So Bozer keeps doing theater and home ec all through high school, and joins the film club at the high shool and even the science club for Mac because the poor kid shows up to every rehearsal and performance and Bozer wants to thank him and his big heart.

He usually stayed in crew roles except for one or two minor roles and that time he got props crew in 10th grade 

He hasn’t hated a role as much as he had hated props crew. 

“These actors have NO RESPECT-- ZERO RESPECT-- FOR THEIR DUMB PROPS”

Mac can be heard laughing in the distance.

Bozer, of course, absolutely adored musicals. His favorite has been West Side Story since forever. He loves it as much as Jack loves his Bruce Willis movies, but Bozer’s obsession is more of a guilty pleasure.

Mac now HATES this musical.

For years, Bozer has made him suffer through the songs thousands of times and made him watch the movie at every single one of their sleepovers (Mac can actually recite the story by heart at this point).

Okay, he doesn’t really hate it.

He just tells Bozer that.

But when Bozer has a rough day at work, or just has an off day where he’s sick or just not feeling up to doing anything, Mac clears his schedule and it’s pizza and West Side Story because he knows it’ll cheer Bozer up immediately.

(It does)

All through middle school Bozer dreamt of creating costumes and doing make-up for Broadway musicals.

In high school, he got into making prosthetics more and more and wanted to make movies for a living (while still making the costumes of course).

Just

Bozer as a theater nerd who was also amazing at cooking (because Mac was never going to be)

It’s a thing okay?

Film school AND acting classes?

Passion’s gotta start somwhere.

And that somewhere is school.

[megatraven]

its gonna be like

hades is an older and very experiences racer who trained a woman to race under the number of his old deceased friend alongside aphrodite. all the other gods (who are human in this au!!!!) have retired except for him and now just sponsor other racers (hercules, perseus, etc)

the catch is that no one knew who that racer was except for hades and aphrodite; the other gods didn’t like someone else riding under their old friend’s number, so it was to keep her safe.

mc is an up-and-coming rookie being trained by alex, and making friends with the other racers- medusa, cerberus (hades’ son), hydra, chimera, and astraeus (who thinks hades needs to retire bc move over old man)

she starts off racing under alex’s number when something with their mother, famed ex-racer aphrodite, comes up and they have to leave before their race. 

she ends up winning, against all odds, and she really starts racing in earnest then.

she knows racing was something her mother had liked a lot- she always took mc and josh to races, back when the gods were all still racing.

after she passed, josh couldn’t bear to go anymore, but mc wanted to get even more involved. and it just so happened that the year she passed, the mysterious driver disappeared, too

mc is given a ring by alex that they say is her mother’s- that they were holding on to for safe keeping, and that they’ve wanted to give back to her for awhile. the time didn’t seem right, but what was a better time than mc winning her first race?

mc is super grateful and emotional over it so she doesn’t even realize it at first... but she eventually does some digging- she knows she’s seen the ring before. alex said it was her mother’s but she knows she’d seen it somewhere else, too.

it takes a little while, but with alex’s help, she finds it.

a picture of the driver who disappeared, with their gloves coming off.

where the same exact ring sits on her finger.

mc learns that her mother was the driver who’d disappeared without a word, and she finally knows why after all this time

idk how it gets there but she ends up taking the number for herself and races under it, and she’s amazing 

whenever she wins some Huge Race or whatever she reveals herself and her friends are all excited as she tells them what’s up, including hades, who’s glad she finally knows and has taken up the number, and even aphrodite. 

the other gods are pissed tho and they try fighting for the number but mc refuses to give it away- instead she challenges zeus to a race for it

he’s, well, ZEUS so of course he’s gonna accept and it’s  hard fucking race, she almost gives up when she makes it to the pitstop, but alex and her friends are all there for her and alex reminds her that she’s not alone, and that her mother is there  with her, too. 

she ends up beating zeus by a hair and its great and she and alex share a victory kiss vuv

[queenofbaws]

aw shit, it’s wednesday again isn’t it?! idk how to tell y’all this, but i am in fact, as we speak, working on the final few chapters of ghost hunting au, so i hope you’re all preparing for the end on that one...

ghost hunting au

“Oooh, I wanna talk to Crazy Old Jack Fiddler,” Chris snickered, zipping his coat so quickly that it caught for a second. He clucked his tongue in frustration, giving up on that to focus instead on finagling the camera.

It was hers and Ash’s turn to exchange a look. “I don’t.”

“Tough.” Josh whirled around to talk to them, walking backwards towards the door as he did so (much to the chagrin of their poor server, who had to duck out of his way to avoid spilling what was on her tray). “Because ladies? Honestly? I have never, ever, in my life, wanted to talk to anyone half as much as I want to talk to Crazy Old Jack Fiddler right now.”

The bell above the door made its cheerful little ring as the both of them hurried out towards the parking lot…but like hell were the girls about to go rushing after them.

“That man’s going to murder them,” Ashley remarked, her voice so flat that Sam didn’t have any choice but to laugh.

the (almost)s

As though a switch had been flipped, Ash’s posture snapped straighter than any of them had ever seen it. Sam stopped walking only a second after she did, and when she turned to look at her, she couldn’t at all place the expression on her face.

It wasn’t angry (wasn’t that the damnedest thing?) but it wasn’t scared, either. It was…curious, as though she thought she’d misheard what he’d said. She didn’t appear particularly taken aback or offended, didn’t appear upset in any traditional sense, but still, something about the way she turned around to face Josh caused Chris and Mike to pause, and what’s more, caused them to pause almost in unison. Her dusty footsteps echoed in the tunnel as she crossed the yard or so of space that had been separating them; never once did she take her eyes off of Josh. With the intensity she usually only funneled into studying for finals, she searched his face. What she was looking for, no one could tell.

If they had asked, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to say.

When she approached him, standing nearly close enough for their shoes to touch, Josh started to laugh. They were the deep, bassy guffaws he fell into when something struck him as gut-bustingly hilarious, and down in the dank air of the tunnels, they sounded positively nightmarish. He beamed widely enough to show all of his teeth, leaning forward even as Mike yanked his weight back. “Oooh…and here’s the oh-so-poignant moment where you slap me right across the face. Hang on, Ash, you gotta work up the tears first if you really, really wanna sell it.”

[rawmeanderson]

for my best friend, @stupidpuckboys (as soon as i hit that @ sign your url popped in so yeah, there’s that) i love u

word count: 1.4k of absurd softness warnings: idk is there swearing? mentions of alcohol/drinking???? extreme softness?????????? if you really want to feel the full effect of the softness, feel free to go listen to Sure as Hell by This Providence and I Only Wanna Talk to You by The Maine

You’re in a mood, and you’re not sure why. The day had sucked for no real reason, and Josh having a game that night didn’t particularly help. Really, you should’ve gone to the game, but instead, you stayed home to sulk off the bad mood. You watched the game from the couch with a glass of wine and in one of his jerseys. The fact that he’d had a good game and you hadn’t been there made you feel guilty though, only adding to the churning in your stomach.

When the game was over, you relocated to the bathroom instead of bed. Running a bath, you sift through the cabinets, knowing you’ve got a few bath bombs tucked away for times like this. You’re sure Josh will be home before you’re out of the tub. Part of you feels bad that you wouldn’t be able to greet him immediately, but soaking out your emotions in a hot bath was more important.

The water was a little too hot when you settled into the water a few minutes later, the dissolving bath bomb still bobbing around. You’re able to relax as your body adjusts the the water, and you exhale a sigh through your nose as you lean back against the wall of the tub. Now was definitely a time that you appreciated the fact that Josh had a bathtub that was so large that it verged on comical.

Sinking down into the water a little more until it was at your chin, you heard the front door open followed by the sound of Josh’s footsteps. He’s moving around in the bedroom, likely changing out of his suit like he usually does. Normally, you’d be sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him as you talk about the game, and a pang of guilt hits you in the stomach.

When he knocks gently at the bathroom door, the sound makes you jump. “Baby, are you okay?” he asks, voice raised enough so you can hear him through the door.

You try to make yourself smaller in the tub somehow, hating that your head was such a mess that you weren’t quite sure how to answer. “I’m just taking a bath,” you respond, hoping it wasn’t too obvious that you were trying to avoid answering his question.

There’s a pause on the other side of the door, and your jaw goes tense. “Can I come in?” he asks, a bit of hesitation in his voice. You wonder what he’s thinking, if he’s put together that you’re not feeling like yourself.

Your stomach jumps at his question, though you’re really not sure why. You knew that Josh wasn’t one to tiptoe around when you weren’t feeling great, so you don’t know why you��d gotten it in your head that he wouldn’t want to come in and see you.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you say eventually, voice rather small as you sink deeper into the rose colored water.

When he opens the door a moment later, your eyes lift to him and immediately, your heart hurts. He’s shirtless, ready for bed in a pair of sweats, and he’s got a gentle smile on his face as he walks toward the tub.

“You look warm,” he comments, sitting on the edge of the tub. When you nod and smile up at him, the expression is a little forced. Immediately, his hand comes out to smooth your hair back, thumb brushing over your forehead gently. You lean into his touch and sigh softly, eyes closing as you relax against the wall of the bathtub.

Josh pulls back a second later, and your eyes open, thinking he’s about to leave. Instead, he moves to sit on the floor next to the tub so he’s at eye level with you. He leans forward, resting his elbow on the edge of the tub, chin resting on the heel of his hand as he watches you.

“Are you okay?” he asks after a moment, his eyes moving over your face slowly enough that it makes you self conscious.

Shifting, the sound of water rippling fills your ears as you shrug in response to his question, barely able to meet his eye. His brow creases in concern and you look down at the water as if that’d somehow silence the nagging in the back of your mind that you weren’t good enough for any of this.

He brings a hand up to your face again, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone. “What’s going on in your head, hm?” he asks, his voice as soft and gentle as the way he’s touching your face.

His words make you let out a heavy sigh as you try to piece together a response that would make sense. Really, you’d love to just shrug again and not dig into your anxieties right now, but that really wouldn’t do much good. You’re quiet for a moment, shifting in the tub again, and Josh’s hand moves to your hair, smoothing it back again just like he had earlier.

Then, you let it go. You talk, not getting to deep into things right now, and Josh listens quietly, watching you the whole time. He makes sure he touches you all the while, either your face, your hair, your shoulder, and honestly, it helps. You know you’ve got his full attention, that he’s listening to you, and the way he’s looking at you makes your eyes fill with tears.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to the game tonight,” you tell him, sniffling as you meet his eye. Josh gives you a crooked smile that makes your heart flip over and he shakes his head.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart, I knew you were watching,” he says quietly, shifting to sit on his knees so he can lean forward to kiss your forehead. Your eyes close as you enjoy the contact, raising your hand out of the water to try and keep him close. “I want that head to stay here with me though, okay? I know it’s not that easy, but just...let me take care of you tonight, yeah? I don’t want you to have to feel like this.”

Again, tears were stinging in your eyes but you nod quickly, chewing on your bottom lip as he nods back at you once. He gives you a soft smile, murmuring that he loves you as he shifts to sit on the edge of the tub again. You return the sentiment with a weak smile as you lean forward to rest your head against his thigh, just needing a bit of physical contact. Almost immediately, his hand rests on the back of your head briefly before moving down to your back. His hand is heavy and warm again your skin, a silent reassurance the he was there.

You both sit there in an easy silence for a long moment and you’re finally starting to come down a bit for the first time all day. When you finally pull back, you’re quick to tilt your head up to look at him as your hands come up to pull him down to you for a kiss.

“You ready to climb into bed?” he asks, keeping close to you so he can press another light kiss to your mouth. When you nod, he gives you an easy smile before he stands. “I’ll go grab you some clothes, yeah?” This time when you smile it’s genuine and affectionate as you lean to drain the tub. Josh sticks around long enough to hand you the towel you’d set out, pressing another soft kiss to your mouth.

You take your time drying off, before securing the towel around your body and tying your hair up. When you come out to the bedroom, he’s unpacking his bag, and there’s a pair of your favorite leggings and one of his old Monsters shirts waiting for you on the bed. After getting dressed, you take the couple of steps toward him and put your arms around him, pressing your face into the back of his shoulder. He tosses the shirt that’s in his hands into the hamper before turning toward you to put his arms around you securely, pressing a long kiss to the side of your head.

His embrace is safe and warm, making you sigh into his neck softly. He’s rubbing a hand over your back as you lean into him, your hand grasping the fabric of his shirt.

“C’mon,” he murmurs, nosing at your hair lightly. “Time for bed, baby.”

[sundrenched-smilez]

I see your 'here's a lot!' and raise you: 1, 3-6, 10-13, 17-19, 21, 23, 25

1. what is your gender?

dainty + bubbly

sharp

ethereal

decadent

3. what is your gender presentation like?

being genderfluid, it’s difficult tbh, and i dont always know what my gender is at any given moment? only what feels Wrong and Uncomfy. so i just gotta trial and error until i get tired of doing that and give up, or i find smth good. this can take several minutes expressing the above feelings and aesthetics is essentially my gender pres

4. what is your Gender Euphoria Outfit? 

d+b - smth flowy, soft, traditionally more girly and femme

sharp - punk, black and spiky. metal helps, so do bracelets, and sometimes eyeliner done to a point. mb a lil slutty, but for me, not for others. tank tops, torn clothing, showing skin

ethereal - the above, but more adorned and colorful? like rly unique and confident looks. less edges, more fae

decadent - like shirts w ruffles on them, feeling like a pirate or an old century princess, loose clothes, fancy clothes, feeling a lil like royalty or thinking highly of myself. mb more animated w my actions, more dancy

5. what makes you feel validated?

ppl using my pronouns, or telling their friends “oh look at that person, theyr’e goals/theyre pretty/so hot, etc” and impressing ppl w my beauty and style that way.

ppl not knowing what genitals i have, or being confused on that front!! like i’ve told ppl im on hormones n they assumed T instead of estrogen, and that’s fun. kinda like how u like to confuse ppl 

6. top five favorite parts of your body (n why you love them)?

thighs!! they’re rly good n have recently gotten thiccer bc i put on weight, and that makes me happy c:

i have a cute butt!!

boobs, bc ive always wanted them, nd i have them now, nd im big sexy

legs, esp when shaven, bc that always feels nice. so does my tummy, it’s rl soft

i love my eyes so much, they’re such a dark, deep warm brown!!! they rllllyyy pop when i wear eyeliner w them, and im always consistently happy abt them c: i also have good lips, nd suuuuper soft skin

im cheating but i also rly adore my hair, it gets rly curly sometimes, and i love that abt it 

10. do you have any trans pride merch?

i dont!! i have a gay flag in my room tho c: 

11. recent happy trans moment?

at work yesterday, i had mentioned customers probs find me offputting bc im tall and trans, and my friend josh who i work w, was like “use that to your advantage!! I know that sounds weird, but when i wear a flower crown, it’s easier to sell to ppl, bc im the Bubbly Gay” and i was like “hi, i dont have the genitals you think i do, please buy my fragrance” in a deadpan voice, n cracked him and my manager up 

12. favorite trans headcanon?

samus aran from metroid being trans!! shes powerful and unstoppable, and i love her 

13. favorite canon trans character? (alt: 2nd favorite trans headcanon?)

i rly love elliot from On A Sunbeam, but also alex fierro from the magnus chase series!!! she’s never afraid to let ppl know when her pronouns have changed (genderfluid) and she’s out and proud, and promotes “flaunting the weird” or unique, and she always wears pink n green, which is cool. like everyone was in white snow suits for camouflage, and she still had a pink/green one somehow, nd it was rly silly 

17. something you wish you could tell your younger self?

brush ur teeth more, also dont worry, ppl will love ur dick and wont bash u for having one. you’ll have friends that love and want to b around u

18. what would your Ideal Fashion Look be?

i rly want that rose dress i drew on zuretta, mb i’ll try sewing one when i have money

19. (how) does your gender relate to your sexuality?

if u like me, ur gay, and also i rly want someone (partner wise) to call me their flame, bc that would b rly affirming and gay. like im an urban/modern pirate witch who strolls into town on odd full moons, bringing lavish gifts and showering my love in affection, sex, and laughteri like the concept of sex more than actual sex, but u know,,,, some gay thoughts

21. what makes you feel euphoric?

when i can express my genders the way i want to, or express/hold myself in a way that rly makes me all !!!!!! inside

like a firm and steady connection, resonating in my aesthetic like a beacon or a lightning strike; powerful, brimming with energy, and certainty. 

23. claim something as trans culture. 

running a joke into the ground until it's unrecognizable from what the original one was (i’m about to end this man’s whole career > me, about to fight someone “i’m about to end this man” >me answering if i’ve entered the building yet “i’m about to” > me, when i’m a muscle underneath someone’s stomach fat “i’m ab”)

editing ur friends into memes

25. what’s your favorite part of being trans?

tbh i dont rly identify as trans, just nb, bc ive always felt nonbinary; used to b rly grossed out by being called anything masculine, felt uncomfortable to take my shirt off from the age of like 6, in public spaces. called myself an individualso like im definitely not cis but i’ve always been nonbinary, so i dont feel the need to categorize myself into like “someone who isn’t as they used to be” if that makes sense. 

plus idk, uncomfy term for me specifically, doesn’t feel right. same w transfeminine, like im androgynous in the first place, and if i were feminine, i dont see the need 2 arbitrarily add trans in front of it, as if to say “im artificial”obvs those terms r affirming for others, and im rly happy abt that and encourage them to use em, but for me its just like. mmm. thats how it feels, a lil nasty nd not me. wrong, ig? feelings. its 1 am almost so im in a slightly off mindset, but also fine bc i just took like a big nap from 3:30ish to 8no gender roles, im free of constriction and can dress however tf i want bc fuck fashion trends? its just money in the pocket of a corporation. now i do like fashion, but only in that i love to see how ppl express themselves, not so much following trends and rules abt it. it’s better to b unique and have ur own style, what makes u u, what makes u comfy and happily expressed

[bodega-daydream]

November 22, 2019

It started out as kind of a nice dream. I was in a class and in the class there was an assignment to bake the best pie, and the old man teacher would rate them. I had a pie but for some reason didnt think its was worth having him rate it even though it looked pretty good. Finally at the end I was made the snap decision to have him rate my pie, but I had apparently blended it up into this really sugary red slushy drink. He tasted it anyway but couldnt really rate it because he couldnt see the crust. fine, whatever. I was then talking to people from school when Josh from BP came up and said that he, Tony, and two other BP workers were going to be on 8 out of 10 Cats and I was sooo excited to know someone who would be on the show for me to watch. Cut to later- I'm at the lake down the street from my house. I was looking through videos on my laptop and was showing Michael to see if he remembered them. Undetermined, but they involved me with shorter hair and a GIANT frog. I think this was based off my frog stuffed animal, but it was real in this video and I had taken him to the lake for a swim. I had had him for years and wondered how long he'd last and then the frog was like I haven't laid my egg yet so pretty much he couldnt die until he laid his one giant egg? whatever. Then I was cold and on the sand and I think we were heading back up to my house. It was dusk. We heard a scream from the neighboring property. There were already a few people over there that seemed to be looking for the source. It sounded like a little girl. I shouted to ask if anyone needed help. But they couldn't find anything. Toward to the top of the beach now, and at night, we saw a bunch of children in this fenced in area. IRL This woman is a swim coach, so it wouldn't be insane for her to have kids at her house, so in the dream, I didn't think anything of this. Yet. The longer you observed the kids, they were kind of running wild in this fenced in area. Then I noticed that one of the kids has smashed his head on a rock and his head was covered in blood. But I think it was suspicious circumstances because the cop lights were flashing in the background through the trees. Though no medical help was there yet. Starting that moment, I had been hanging out with Lewis who showed his EMT badge while walking over. I saw through all of the mess him trying to help out a different kid (for some reason no the kid with the giant hole in his head from the rock lol) but he didn't have any of his supplies with him (because we was just hangin out). At this, I ran over because I had a bunch of stuff that could help. Apparently I just keep a very make shift first aid kit on my person. Though when I got over there, this one kid we were helping looked absolutely fine but apparently had these invisible type of burning sensation on his cheeks. I looked into my bag but it was like kind of useless lol had a small bottle of tea tree oil and some other random stuff. I knew what kind of pain the kid was dealing with though. Lewis gave him something and I told him that I understood and that the best thing to do was to just take a cold hand (bc mine are always cold) and just hold it against it and feel the pain until it stops hurting, because it won't last that long. We then walked away and went back to the police station where I was apparently a detective there. This station was also the house across the street from the lake. Daytime now. One of my detective colleagues was this man who looked like John Krasinski meaning it actually was him, but not him. There were some kids outside (outside was now a city street) being lined up as witnesses or something. The other detective there, a woman, was taking statements from the kids. But then I overheard her make this plot to frame my John Krasinski coworker. I tried to warn him without giving away who was trying to frame him and he help trying to insist on telling his partner, this woman. I was like dude. no. and he wouldn't listen. The kids started walking through and that kid I had helped passed by and gave me this look. Then someone else came in and sort of yelled at me for encouraging his growing sexual love for buses lmao said I was too accepting and that I should have discouraged it from the beginning. My argument was so what, he loves to love buses. Anyway, I was trying to tell John Krasinski about the plot and then I was walking away and he grabbed my wrist. But then the other woman came over instead of letting go, we hid the fact that he was holding my wrist behind my back which also looked suspicious. Then there was another line up of kids outside. They had turned around and this one kid was looking up at us and was like I want to talk to her. I assumed he was pointing to the woman he had spoken to before, which was the 3rd detective. But when he came inside, he wanted to talk to me. I was surprised, but then it was the kid that kind of confessed to lying to the other cop about how the evidence she gave him (to frame John Krasinski) was a lie. But dude, the truth was like 20x worse. Instead of some tiny piece of metal sticking him from inside some box, he admitted that it was actually just part of this bracelet he was wearing. I asked to see the bracelet but it had no metal sticking out of it. Then he was like no, it's part of me. and then this series of spikes that had been implanted in his wrist stuck out through his skin like barbed wire. At this I was like nope! and took a step back. His father came rushing in but he had the same thing going on in his wrist. They could control when the spikes would come out. We learned that they were both extremely violent. The dad was bad, but the kid looked like he would be much worse because he was learning it all from his dad. I didn't want to be near this kid anymore because he seemed to fixate on my fear, as if he would come and find me one day to hurt me. I wouldn't look at him. The wife showed up and she was drunk because she was usually being abused by her husband. I think we let them all go because we couldn't do anything about the situation because she wouldn't accuse her husband of anything. Cut to me going to the live taping of 8 out of 10 cats starring my BP coworkers. Instead of sitting in the studio, there was a ton of outside seating that faced the studio that had large screens on it that was displaying what was being filmed. It opened with Kate McKinnan so this was apparently SNL instead lol but whatever. I was sitting out there in what seemed like stadium pews. The place was decorated in vines and leaves, kind of medieval. A lot of people were moving around the pews, but I had a large space open next to me. The drunk mom came and sat next to me. It made me so nervous because I didn't want to deal with an intoxicated person, but also her husband must be around. The show goes on and she gets up and walks to the doorway to enter the stadium. I somehow acquire this little girl that's sitting on my lap, maybe 7 years old. Turns out this is the daughter of the drunk woman. I'm very protective of this child for some reason. The mom and the husband are doing this weird princess knight act idk, I just know it's happening but I'm more focused on the crowd. Some tiny elderly people come and sit next to me and are asking about this girl (rightfully assume she's not mine bc this girl is blonde). Cut of after this performance, and I'm with/kind of am this woman. I'm on a bus and I'm heading to this beach area. I'm trying to get away from this crazy husband of mine. There was some floaties put out in the water and it was like yes, she's finally getting away. But then I'm like...no this is too easy, and I dive down underwater and I see this man with all of his evil friends waiting there to grab her. She manages to swim away. She's running and running trying to get away. They had this evil dog that was kind of also the husband and kept barking and biting her trying to alert him to where she was. Somehow we got the dog off and jumped onto one of those mini school buses (I'm with her now). There's only one seat and she takes it with her daughter on her lap and we tell the bus driver to gtfo of here. He knows the situation, and drives off. I'm sitting on the floor and looking out the window. Both me and her are in white spa robes, not significant, just random. There's this sense of relief as we're driving off. The dog had kind of handed me this piece of metal and I gave it to her. This apparently meant something as she looked at me and she was like "he really did love me." as in he let her go despite not being able to control his violent nature (even tho it was way worse than that). The mini bus pulls up to the back parking lots of the woodbury commons. We think we're safe until I see this man running a hot dog stand taking pictures of the bus we're in. The bus driver had pulled over and got out of the bus but then I yelled wait, we're not safe here and then her husband pops out from behind something and starts coming for us. The bus is moving and I think this dude some how offs the driver. The woman gets up and goes to the door of this still moving bus and shoots her husband in the head. I'm am #shook. I did not know she was going to do that with such ease or that she even had a gun. I took control of the bus because there was chaos now because she just shot someone and cars were appearing out of nowhere. I was like, flooring it and I was like OKAY I'm taking us straight to the police station. I was way more affected than this lady. Realizing now this was not a great decision and that we should have stayed put, we got pulled over at her parents house. We couldn't exit the bus without being processed by a cop (I was a normal person now, not a detective). I was instructed to head straight to the Montgomery police station to pay a $250 bail (I know, doesnt make sense) but I was compliant. I had to get there. I thought about calling Lewis to help me with the bail because I knew he would, but then realized I had that cash on my person and that I could just go over there and pay it myself. As I was walking toward the kitchen to get my stuff, I realized that I shouldn't be driving because I just went thru a trauma that hadn't hit me yet. I decided it was best to call Lewis after all and have him pick me up so I could freak out in the car and not be driving. But as I was going through my phone to find his contact, I noticed this woman's 3 sisters trying to slyly take pictures of me, just like the hot dog man and I started freaking out. And then my phone was going crazy, receiving every photo they took of me instantly. They didn't know what was happening and I was checking their phones and someone had set that to default and my phone was going crazy. I couldn't get to the call screen. I knew someone had bugged these phones so they could locate me or get my info. I decided to use someone elses phone to call Lewis. The mom was looking through the phonebook for his number when I was like Lewis can I just borrow your phone, you already have the number in it (only realized this flaw when I woke up lol) but I made the call and he answered. He had just said, "Hello?" when I heard the husbands voice in the background saying that he was a police officer to someone. And then I woke up, and I couldn't tell where I was for bit or if I was safe.