#idk buck idk why you might feel some kinda way

[leashybebes]

sentences sunday

tagged by @bidisasterevankinard, @hyperfocusthusly and @evansbuck-ley. thanks, fam! allying is like pulling teeth atm so i really appreciate the motivation.

Tommy comes out of the bathroom with a towel low on his hips, looks over at where Evan is sitting on the bed, legs kicked out in front of him. He hasn't undressed yet, didn't want to get ahead of himself, but Tommy's - Tommy's naked aside from that little towel and his hair is damp and there are still droplets of water trailing their way down his broad chest and they're…

"Condoms in the second drawer," Tommy tells him.

They're actually going to do this.

"Yeah," Evan says, and it's like - he's not trying to be smooth, Tommy doesn't need seducing, but it's like he's forgotten how to function. It's just sex. Granted, it's sex with a dude, but it's just a thing between friends, Evan doesn't know why he's briefly unable to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth.

no pressure tags (truly np because i don't know your timezones and it's almost not sunday anymore for me so shrug emoji) for @agentpeggycartering, @peapodbond, @fake-mouthstatic and @typicalopposite

[kinardsevan]

HC? Or something crossed my mind idk, Tommy volunteer as a big brother/or just to help in a group home, and have a special bond with one of the kids there since he sees himself in him..

because I messed up the responses, this is @thatmexisaurusrex's request for Buck & Tommy calling eachother on a slow afternoon at work.

This is m-rated, nearing explicit, towards the end. Nothing too graphic, but definitely suggestive. also, since we're just existing in previous universes of mine today, this one fits in the same world as the prompt for "bobby overhears Tommy call him his father-in-law".

-

Evan sighs, sinking down onto the ground on top of the firehouse. It’s beautiful outside, but the team is still on shift for roughly eight hours, and the shift has been…slow. They’ve only seen three calls so far, which feels a little ridiculous considering it’s a nice day outside, which usually means cookouts, bonfires, and generally reckless behavior when it comes to fire. 

Three. Fucking. Calls. 

He spins his phone on his knee briefly. He tries not to call Tommy too much on shift. They already live together and work in the same field. Granted, Tommy has never once complained about it in the past three years, and he always seems rather cheerful when Evan does call him on shift. But still. 

Any decision Evan thinks he has to make is quickly silenced when the phone starts buzzing in his hand, with the bolded text of “Husband” framed by two blue hearts pops up on his screen. A smile crawls its way across his face as he flips the phone into an upright position and clicks the little green phone icon, accepting the call. 

“Oh thank Jesus,” Tommy mutters with a groan. “I’m so bored.” 

Evan laughs. “Yeah. Me too.” 

“Are you guys doing any better over there?” Tommy whines. “I’ve been on two flights today, and they were both done within an hour.” 

Evan chuckles again. “Three calls so far. Last one was about four hours ago. Cap says everything coming in right now has been east of Pasedena or down in Panorama City. Too far out for us unless it goes three-alarm or higher.” 

Tommy huffs, leaning back wherever he is. Evan assumes he must be in 1701 because it looks like he’s on the floor of a chopper. 

“I have deep cleaned everything in sight, inventoried the helicopters and both planes, even helped with some of the inventory on the trucks,” Tommy says. “Checked up on current registrations and certifications. There’s not a damn thing to do.” 

Evan can only smile at his husband as the older man complains. For all the times they’ve complained to one another over Facetime while on shift, Tommy has never been one to actually complain about being at work with nothing to do. 

Tommy huffs, but after a moment, his eyes are on the screen of his phone again, and he furrows his brow. “Why do you look so entertained at my misery?” 

Evan smirks at him. “I like seeing you flustered. It’s kinda hot, honestly.” 

Tommy gives him that look; the one that silently tells him to tread carefully, unless he wants to find himself pressed into a mattress or countertop sobbing for release. 

“Hey, so what was that story Charlie was telling at the wedding,” Evan asks, referencing back to their discussion over cigars a few weeks back. 

“No, Evan,” Tommy replies, and the tone is there now too. Evan’s lips twitch with unfettered cunning, knowing he’s pushing Tommy’s buttons. 

“Oh come on,” Evan states, clearly egging him on. “Didn’t I hear something about a screwdriver down?” 

Tommy’s jaw clenches and he just shakes his head, although there’s no hiding the way the corners of his mouth are twitching, desperately trying to give in to the smile that he’s trying not to give his husband. 

“You know we’re going into a four day after this,” Tommy reminds him, narrowing his eyes at the screen. “You might want to tread carefully.” 

Evan raises an eyebrow at him, grinning lasciviously back at Tommy. “I think you assume that I didn’t consider that already.” 

Tommy stares at him from the tiny screen, and even though nothing about his expression changes, there’s a multitude of unspoken words shared between them. The smoldering in his eyes that tells Evan about nights pressed back-to-chest, nails drug across his chest and Tommy grinding with fervor, drawing sinful noises out of Evan like it’s his job. The slight twitch of his eyebrows suggests afternoons lost to ‘don’t move an inch or we’ll start all over’ . The way his tongue slips between his lips to wet them calling up memories of being chest-to-chest, teeth biting necks and shoulders, nails dug into spines, tongues lapping into mouths that swallow sobs like water in a desert. 

“If you’re not careful, you’re going to turn yourself up to eleven for the next four days,” Tommy warns, and the smirk on Evan’s face entirely suggests that he does not care. Turned up to eleven is the implication of total control turned over to his husband in the bedroom, whereas one is them meeting on an even field, usually when they want to take it slow and eject romance into things. 

But Evan just did that for a week and a half in Havana. He’s more than happy to turn things up to eleven. Let Tommy work him over. 

“Please, Daddy,” he replies softly, pulling the phone close to his face so that Tommy hears him but no one else does. His tone is just this side of breathy, barely moaning. Still, Tommy’s neck flushes, and Evan knows he has him. 

“When do you get off again,” Tommy asks, switching the subject. Evan pulls the screen down on his phone and then back up. 

“Like seven and a half hours,” he replies. 

Tommy nods. He’s up and moving again, and after a moment, Evan hears a door close, and the smirk reappears on his face. Tommy’s finding privacy. 

Evan pushes himself up from the ground, walking further from the door for rooftop access. It’s unlikely that anyone is coming up to bug him, given that Eddie was taking a nap last he checked and Hen and Chimney were locked into an intense game of Mario Kart. Athena was around for a visit, keeping Bobby entertained. 

Tommy’s phone rests on some kind of countertop and Evan grins as he sinks down into a chair. 

“So when you get home,” Tommy states, pulling at the zipper on his flight suit. He’s doing it slowly, and Evan can tell it’s on purpose. He gulps down the wave of saliva flooding his mouth. 

“Yeah,” he rasps.

Tommy reaches a hand in, pulling up the t-shirt he has on under the flight suit, although his hand stops halfway up his chest, only giving Evan the slightest sight of his abs where the zipper ends. Tommy leans forward then, pinning both hands on either side of the phone, out of frame. 

“You’re going to be a good boy,” Tommy states. It’s an order. Evan gulps, feeling himself starting to get uncomfortable in his pants. The slightest shift of his shoulder has Tommy lifting a hand, wagging a finger at him. 

“Ah ah ah,” he chastises. “No touching. Clock starts now and ends on Sunday.” 

Evan’s eyes go wide. They’ve never started something this early, let alone gone that long. Three days is about as long as he’s handed over control to Tommy, and even then, it usually begins and ends in their bedroom. This is a new layer, and he’s hot under the collar just thinking about the implications. 

Tommy stares at him for a long moment, that extends long enough that Evan realizes he’s supposed to respond. If he has any reservations against the ideas, now would be the time to say something. Granted, Tommy would never be upset with him if he decides to safeword out early, but he’s also silently asking if it’s okay to start now. 

“Okay,” Evan rasps, clenching his hand into a fist and resting it on his knee. It’s all he can do not to moan because he swears just by saying yes he gets harder. Tommy waggles an eyebrow at him, pulling his t-shirt. He adjusts it and fiddles it the zipper, clearly trying to play with Evan the same way the younger man was just playing with him. 

“I’ll be home an hour later,” Tommy reminds him. Evan nods. “I expect to find you silenced and waiting.” 

The slightest moan passes Evan’s lips. Tommy wants him gagged and on his knees, hands behind his back. 

“Sh-…C-can I prep?” Evan stammers, his voice husky with wanton. 

It’s Tommy’s turn to smirk now as he shakes his head slowly. 

“The only way mi amor gets to prepare is if it happens naturally. Everything else will be taken care of when I get home.” 

Evan shudders, and the heat in Tommy’s gaze, the grin on his face, is almost enough to make him feel like his heart is going to give out.��He's not allowed to do anything to himself, but if he's aroused, Tommy expects it to happen without any assistance of his hands.

“Fuck,” he mutters softly. Tommy grins at him, and then a moment later, someone is knocking on the door of whatever room he’s in. Evan can hear Lucy’s voice briefly, asking questions but not clearly enough that he can make everything out. A moment later, Tommy glances back at the phone. 

“I have to go. I’ll see you at home in a while.” 

Evan nods, forcing himself to take deep breaths. “See you at home.” 

The call ends a moment later, and he has to stay in the chair and keep breathing. There’s no way he can go back inside right now; he’d be roasted for his unmistakeable boner. 

He checks the time on his phone again, and it’s all he can do to stifle a groan. Eight hours. Eight hours until he’s with Tommy in person again. He can hold on until then. He has to.

Eight. Long. Hours. 

[bainutwater85]

Rock Lee nsfw hcs pleaseee I feel like he’s such a sub. Bonus points if reader has piercings n tattoos and is more masc

yesss anon, i love him sm!! they could never make me hate THE ROCK LEE. and also sorry if the last pic doesn’t look like him in boruto or in the arc where naruto and hinata got married lol they don’t have many pics of him when he’s older and idk why cause he’s such a cutiee.

a/n: i hope this doesn’t bother you but i don’t really like writing masc readers? it’s kinda not my cup of tea same as male readers😅 i usually only write fem readers w fem parts, yknow? but i can improvise and make the reader somewhat masc ^_^. Also sorry for my absence. i’ve been job hunting and trying to muster up enough money for my necessities like getting my phone repaired & paying off 2 of my bills. I might end up doing commissions soon if i don’t find a job yet. Just waiting for my employer to email me saying i have the job😊👍🏾

cw: dom!reader, whiny!sub!rock lee, edging, overstim, deepthroating, cockwarming, cumplay

no matter how much he whines and tells you to stop messing around when you’re on top of him, has his cock in ur mouth or the pad of your thumb swirling around his purplish and swollen tip— he really does enjoys it and 9/10 doesn’t want you to stop at all.

very sensitive. like from the neck to his balls…n gets really nervous when you find your way to any of those parts especially while you two are in public.

i feel like even if you aren’t dominant..you’d still need to initiate the first move snd the ones after the first move because he’s as nervous as ever. Not saying he never got any play..and yeah he knows what he’s doing but he doesn’t always want to be the one in control, yknow? can’t blame him tbhh.

his nose, cheeks, and ears get all red and his eyes watery while you still make your hands up and down on his slender shaft for the last hour or so. overstimulating him and making him beg , chase for his own orgasm. He goes to grab your wrist with a shaking hand but fails because you rubbed that one little vein on his cock that made him reach the stars, his cum splurging all over himself snd you.

speaking OF cum. whenever he cums on your command or when you’re feeling nice to not make him wait for his own release. You give him a helping (?) hand while you rub and lick up his mess that’s spread all over his toned stomach like jelly.

he loves a lady with some muscles. not too buff or defined but sharp enough to where you can see it when she flexes intentionally or unintentionally. (tenten) he pays attention to small stuff, even when he’s trying not to cum inside your tight hole. like the tendon that shows on your back when you move around w little with his cock nearly pushing against that soft spot inside you.

definitely not into any of that hardcore dom stuff..like rimjobs and pegging. He prefers to keep his submission elsewhere,, yknow?? that’s not his type of flavor to be diddled with in the butt..his butt.

if you can’t fuck him, he’ll definitely let you suck him. hands free while he works or does whatever he does on his spare time that doesn’t involve moving and running like w chicken without a head. So there you are, snugged between his legs on the couch with his tip, almost far down your esophagus. Eyes water and your toes curling, toenails leaving crescent shaped marks in the bottom of your feet. He doesn’t look at you because if he does..he just knows it’ll be a big mess or awkward looks exchanged between the two of you. Adam’s apple faulting back as he gulps, trying to get a glance at your messy and wet face from your spit, his cum and precum like a naughty child.

but he ends up risking it all and tossing the remote to the side before gripping on your head snd pushing you further down on his cock. Exasperated moans of relief fall from his lips when his eyes roll to the back of his hands nd his hips slightly buck. You groan and moan with a mouthful of cock n cum. But it’s okay, he’s fine, who would get mad at him tho?

[thedyingwriter]

somethings that i needed to get out regarding today's episode:

9-1-1 live airs in the US around 7 am Friday in my country and i get to watch it at 10:30 am on disney hotstar.

I couldn't wait so i was awake all night and was literally on twt since 6:30 am to get some clips.

that's where i find out that bucktommy break up.

i have been devastated all day. i have cried multiple times and i have literally lost count atp. it hurts like an actual breakup and i have absolutely no one irl to share this grief with.

the Abby being the ex-fiance wasn't even a major issue. i have been seen it done so well in so many fics.

Josh's speech was so beautiful and important but then to pull a breakup like that makes no fucking sense.

after what we saw in 8x5 breaking them made absolutely zero sense.

i was too overwhelmed so i tried to sleep and actually watched the entire episode around 11 am. I wanted to keep and open mind and analyse the episode.

twt is literally so toxic rn. I'm not even opening it.

after watching the entire episode i was even more confused as the breakup made zero sense.

we have had 8 seasons of character growth for buck, if they end up making him go back to casual relationships it just feels a complete wastage of 8 seasons of growth.

and from what we've seen in the past episodes the breakup was completely uncharacteristic to both buck and tommy.

it made no sense. why would tommy put so much effort if he knew it wouldn't last.

him constantly showing up for evan and talking about family just made zero sense for him to break up like that.

also it kinda felt weird to bring moving in together before saying i love yous.

and the way he said "the parking spot was too good to be true". this breakup doesn't feel good at all. he was obviously in pain and so was buck. this isn't doing any of them any good.

utter bullshit.

plus the "I'll see you around buck" broke me. like why the fuck would you do that to me and to buck.

it felt like someone put fucking alcohol all over a stab wound and then rubbed salt all over it.

LOW BLOW.

now coming to the post ep interviews which btw made it worse.

i was still under the impression that the way the breakup happened there was still hope for reconciliation because remember even tarlos went through breakups.

but then lou confirmed he might not be back and that this is it. specially that buck line. UGH.

and that #letbuckfuck interview with oliver really triggered me. I'm a bisexual woman and the reason i really loved buck's discovery of his sexuality was bcs Oliver was very determined in Givin a good bi rep.

but this doesn't feel that way. he could have said that he wants to see buck explore his sexuality more with both men and woman but the whole "girl, girl, guy. guy, girl, guy" montage was a very disturbing image.

it feels very stereotypical and biphobic.

it just hurts me so much. idk why i expected so much from a network tv show who has been queerbating for years.

i am gonna be watching this season just to see how they salvage buck's relationship and sexuality. it feels incomplete.

but if it goes in the buck 1.0 direction that's it for me.

i watch 911 as an escape from reality and if it goes so bad i am not continuing with the show.

it has already tested my limits and mental health enough.

also i need to point out that there are a lot of people who enjoy watching sports a lot more than they enjoy playing it. buck is a watcher. he would have loved seeing the Lakers match. just bcs he doesn't like to play doesn't mean he hates basketball.

a little extra side notes-

really excited for another buckley han kid. hope they don't ruin it. want to see how they deal with ppd this time.

also happy for eddie and really hoping he gets chris back soon.

ya'll need to understand how platonic friendship buddie is also so important rn then them getting together bcs eddie is def not ready to date.

if he starts dating he'll feel super guilty for putting his desire above chris all over again.

ALSO FOR PEOPLE IN THE BACK- EDMUNDO DIAZ IS CANON STRAIGHT.

[matan4il]

911 ep 707 first watch reactions

Oh man, I'm actually not sure I have that much to say about this ep.

The entire plot with Mara and her brother Tyson was very sweet, very nice, and way too convenient. One day, shows are going to stop using the phrase, "There must be something you can do!" like it's some secret magic phrase, that makes this sentiment into a reality, AND turns the person addressed into someone willing to risk everything, in order to do that one thing they can do, which is usually something they're very much not supposed to... That said, Denny was sweet, Mara was lovely, her with Tyson was very endearing, and Henren continued to rule.

The storyline with Maddie was nicely handled, both her trauma, and the way Chim helped her use it to figure out the case and help save everyone from the stalker. My little Madney heart absolutely loved it. And Maddie's distress over a baby involved felt very real and understandable, when she's a mom herself now.

But then in a sense, it was clear this has no long term repercussions, other than bringing Brad into contact with Bobby. With his burn scars, and what we know about the fire that Bobby caused in the past, we can guess where this is headed. I trust that 911 will delve into this coming clash with the same humaneness with which it tackles most storylines.

But I'll be honest, I don't really like where Eddie's headed. I know Shannon scarred him deeply, but he was able to let go of her, and allow her to walk away from him twice while she was alive. It's weird if it's now being implied that the reason why he was never able to move on to another serious r/s is that he was stuck on her. The way she died was traumatic and painful, and it made sense that, even accepting that they as a couple were over, he had a hard time dealing with her death, but Eddie seemingly moved on in s4 at the latest. It feels a bit like they don't really know what to do with him, and how to move him on, so they keep going in circles with his character. Kinda like they were with Buck in s6. None of what we saw in that season helped Buck get to some major breakthroughs that we've seen in this one, so this current storyline with Eddie might end in the same way.

I'm not saying it doesn't have the potential to move him forward, and I'm sure it will be presented as if it has whether it actually does or doesn't (kinda like how 618 presented Buck and Natalia as a move forward, even though it very obviously was not), but right now, I'm not enjoying it. I also... even with this idea of having Eddie run into a Shannon look-a-like, I feel they could have gone in a lot of different ways, and the one where he goes on a date with her while having a serious gf he's essentially cheating on, it just doesn't feel great, or true to Eddie's values. Which can be the point, right? That sometimes we're so shaken up, we do stuff that's uncharacteristic. If that's where they'll take it, then it's working, 'coz right now, everything about this feels a little off. Let's hope they do something actually constructive with this, and give Eddie real progress (rather than just give Tim an opportunity to re-use an actress he already said he really likes).

Small mandatory Buddifer moment was really lovely, even if far from what my shipper heart would want. Then again, I honestly feel it's so funny that Buck is dating Tommy, while being married to Eddie, his actual baby daddy. If there aren't a lot of fics shipping all three men already, then IDK fandom.

Thank you for reading! If you’re looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

[hereghostslive]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks for the tag @lemonlyman-dotcom !!

1. How many works do you have an AO3? 19

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 29,507

3. What fandoms do you write for? 911 Lone Star, 911, The Old Guard, Shadowhunters, RWRB

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

victories, defined | a 911 Season 7 coda to the medal ceremony. Tommy confronts Gerrard (i dont really like this one tbh)

hitchcokian | a 911 season 7 coda. buck calls Tommy right after he runs into Kim. (this one is okay, but i fear i wasted the title "hitchcockian" on this when it would be cool do a genre-bending thing. idk)

echoes | 911 Lone Star Season 1. Carlos waits in the hospital after TK is shot and really talks to the 126 for the first time.

why | 911 Lone Star. the silliest thing i've ever written, and it's all @lemonlyman-dotcom's fault. Carlos buys Lou II pajamas and then realizes he has to put the pajamas ... on Lou II and regrets every decision that led him there.

halted beginnings | 911 Lone Star. post-engagement. Carlos is in love. But he's forgotten about something.

5. Do you respond to comments? I do, although I think im kinda behind on doing so? I do forget to sometimes.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i think it's a tie between halted beginnings (linked above) and fundamental. they are essentially sister stories, with fundamental being the meta-verison of halted beginnings. they both tackle Carlos forgetting about Iris when he says yes to TK's proposal. halted beginnings is more of a character introspection into how, in the moment, Carlos might have forgotten about Iris. fundamental takes the meta-approach that Carlos/Iris were never planned from the beginning and is written as if Carlos, the character from season 1-3, knows someone else is rewriting his history (the writer, or "Tim," as I called him in the annotations lol). Both fics end on a heavy note, with Carlos either putting off telling TK (halted beginnings) or a rewritten version of Carlos taking over Seasons 1-3 Carlos (fundamental).

7. What is the fic your wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably "why" (linked above). TK and Lou II in matching pajamas ... couldn't be better!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't, and I hope it stays that way.

9. Do you write smut? not really

10. Do you write crossovers? No, but I would like to

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? no. but open to that if anyone wanted to translate

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nooooooo, but I would love to collaborate on something!!!! Idk how to find a person to collaborate with though lol

16. What are your writing strengths? i really don't know ... someone else tell me. i feel like i always want to make people feel like they are in the room with the character, and i thiiiiiink i do that. or at least im getting better at it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? plotting, finishing wips lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I don't do it, but I definitely could be better at adding in there.

19. First fandom you wrote for? for this question I'll take into account my past fan fic writing life, which was a long time ago. Angel

20. Favorite fics you've written?

In no particular order:

large popcorn with a bag of m&ms | an Old Guard fic I wrote in 2021 that I really want to turn into a longer series. It's Nile-centric and about how she misses her real family while adjusting to her new immortal life.

peace | a 911 Lone Star fic that is actually pretty angsty too, haha. it's very short, but I was stretching some more poetic writing muscles I hadnt used in a long time. This is Carlos, after the breakup

Staring at ghosts | my newest one, 911, bucktommy. It's a wip, but I really love the first chapter, and I'm really excited about the rest of it I have outlined and partly written. Buck and Tommy are still in the fairly early stages of their relationship, and Buck doesn't really know how to open up when he starts having dreams about the lightning strike.

--

no pressure tagging: @rmd-writes @welcometololaland @reyesstrand @bonheur-cafe @paperstorm

@alrightbuckaroo @carlos-tk @carlos-in-glasses

[colorisbyshe]

June's Monthly Music (PART DEUX!!)(I KNOW ITS TOO LONG IM SORRY)

Click here for part one (highlights being Kaytranada and Charli's albums)(listen to Cactus Water by Channel Tres who was on Kaytranada's album)

RECENT MUSIC:

Goat Girl's motorway is for the girlies into... the indie girlies. Music to reflect on your life to.

JESSIE WARE!!!!!!! & ROMY's LIFT YOU UP! Feel good dance track. Just vibrant and joyful. What a lovely way to end Pride month.

Normani FINALLY released her album. Not mindblowing (and some of the teaser versions of songs are better) but it's enjoyable to listen to all the way through. Highlights are "All Yours" which feels luxurious, "Take my Time" which is sweet and pleasant, "Insomnia" which has a sprinkling of Daft Punk in some of the vocoding, and a more energetic "Little Secrets" which closes the album out. This is a solid debut which promises greater things down the line. Good sensibilities, just needs a bit more oomph.

Spinning off of that, check out "Endless Night" by Maeta.

Tove Lo & SG Lewis are back at it again with a mini EP! Let Me Go OH OH sounds the way Kylie's Love at First Sight MV looks, if that makes sense. Busy Girl is for Cunts on the Runway. Heat is for dancing at the club. Desire is a club mix track that is generic and yet perfectly calculated--like a chocolate chip cookie made up premium ingredients.

Megan Thee Stallion has an album out and narrowing this down to a handful of tracks is hard, even with singles excluded! Rattle is scathing and yet too cool for the haters. Down Stairs DJ combined with Where Them Girls At has convinced me she needs to collab with Cupcakke*. Worthy is summery and poppy. Spin with Victoria Monet will have you doing body rolls without even realizing, Otaku Hot Girl is a fun sample... I forgive her for insulting Sasuke avis I know where she's coming from lol.

Nayeon's album is kinda hit or miss to me but I love ABCD's bigger than life energy and the dance break in the MV. HalliGalli is just like refreshing fruit punch on a hot day

Despite not feeling the title track, Red Velvet did pull through with some music you can just float around to, Last Drop and Night Drive would be nice to wade into the ocean and stare up at the stars to. Bubble has an almost 80s Jpop veneer to it. And Love Arcade gives the album some energy it very much needed, lol. Not my fave RV project but not the bummer I expected!

She, this blog's namesake, has a new mini album! Spectral Touch and With You are expansions of She's Chiptune sound but maybe with some appeal you might find in Kavinsky's music--not the same sound at all but that sort of "driving at night through neon lights" type vibe.

The Used has a new album out, it's more of the same, but I loved the video game trailer bombasticness of Depression Personified and the return to an older whininess (said with fondness) in Before I Leave. Emos, check it out.

Catharsis by 9mm Parabellum Bullet is more rock music. Japanese and surprisingly melodic, this track is haunting. Maybe Buck-Tick enjoyers should check it out.

If you liked the Tove Lo ep, check out Baddy on the Floor by Jamie xx. Honey Dijon absolutely elevates this track into transcendence.

Amaarae said "Fountain Baby Part 2!!!" this! is a swooning afrobeats track, wanted is a song that crawls to you and up your body and grabs your hips, and sweeeet is such a natural evolution of Fountain Baby. This whole project is worth a listen!

TuNGSTeN is by Hiroyuki Sawano (TECHNICALLY a different project than my other shout out) and it's just evocative and makes me clutch at my chest but also wanna run.

Power of Two by Victoria Monet. Idk why she's doing a Star Wars song but... fuck, she hit it out of the fucking park. It's like of Kendrick/Sza's All the Stars had a dark, more cosmic child.

Lynch. has some more Japanese metalcore for anyone interested. Standouts are the frantic Un Deux Trois and A Fierce Blaze while the track Remains might appeal more to the crowd who wants more of the melodic bits that Catharis had. Buck-Tick fans I'm saying try out Remains. Not as good but you'll see the vibe

Getting no Sleep by Tinashe is a surprising follow up to Nasty but suuch a good follow up to her album BB/Angel and its more cerebral elements.

"Know You Did" by bongjeingan is a korean indie rock song not afraid to get WEIRD with it. This is a song that is everything all at once. Goes surprisingly hard at the end.

Somethin Bout You by The Knocks and Holiday87 ft Betsy feels like a dream of the 80s had by someone who passed out at the club after too much fruity drinks.

"Security" by Raleigh Ritchie (AKA LOUIS FROM IWT!V!) is a a more lowkey track than some on this but the lyrics are relatable and I remain charmed by his blunt writing style--he gets to the heart of the matter and carves at it.

OLDER MUSIC I'VE BEEN INTO:

"Shout" SawanoHiroyuki[nZk]. Type of song that worked great for a Trigger adventure anime (but not dunmeshi lol).

Selecta by Chase & Status ft Stefflon Don. Dancehall drum & bass great for playing a first person shooter. Click heads and bop.

9m88 was recced to me and while I haven't explored much, "Love Rain" is crooning and jazzy and a song that exists outside of time.

A throwback older than some of my followers Sonique's Sky is just good eurodance.

*this month was too stacked and i haven't listened her new album but i WILL!!

[lover-of-mine]

hello anna! i’m thinking about eddie right now like i always am lol but tonight i’m extra confused/mad about his season 7 characterisation. it seems like in switching buck and eddie’s potential queer storylines they also switched their personalities. “i jump into things too quickly and make impulsive choices etc etc” is the complete opposite of eddie. it’s literally buck who does that and that has been acknowledged many times in canon. idk it’s just so strange lmao i’m hoping it comes back around to something and isn’t just bad writing

Hi, darling, I agree with you to some degree, but I'm gonna give you my reasoning to try to stay chill while the story moves and not panic so far (I am enjoying him being a lighter version of himself, more willing to make mistakes and turn back around when he realizes not just sticking it out). Eddie does move fast. I mean he had Buck in his will within a year, and, like, Ana too, he went from unsure to having her in the house in one episode, I think that with the way he married Shannon right out of highschool, he kinda makes himself jump in trying to capture whatever he had with her, the way he was too careful about her coming back that eventually led him to "losing" time he could've had might also play a part. I think it comes with his tendency to overcorrect. He wasn't in with Ana so now he went all in now to see if that would work. Because something about Eddie is that he is reckless. He knows consequences might be catastrophic but if his gut is telling him to do something he just cuts his line and hopes for the best. And I mean, the guy was having panic attacks about a relationship that he was determined to make work for god knows what reason. I do think the moving in thing came out of nowhere. That was legit the most far off the left field thing they could've done. Because really, that affects Chris too much for him to just do it. And they so know that, that Chris was nowhere to be found. So I kinda wanna believe they have something planned to come out of this? Because if he keeps saying he wants Shannon again, he might believe that maybe the shock of responsibility might get him there? And maybe he's about to find out he needs to stop trying to recreate her? Because that is a weird situation to put him in just for the comedic effect of his plotline this episode. I made a post before the episode about how Marisol is supposed to be Taylor for Eddie, because they have this annoying habit of paralleling the love interests, but I never thought they would get this on the nose about it, yk? They're literally repeating dialogue and I'm really curious to see why Marisol being Taylor is so important or if there's a point in it at all, yk? But, yeah also wish they were handling him a bit more carefully this season, for sure, I feel like I never know where he's going next and that's a weird feeling.

[shitouttabuck]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @thewolvesof1998 thank u bud i’m procrastinating packing and this was fun

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

seven!

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

129,484 which is a fake number to me

3. what fandoms do you write for?

nothing has made me as insane in my life as network television procedural drama 911 on abc, so

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you can start a family who will always show you love

let the world have its way with you

my hearts over-pumping and your mouth is an ambulance

like a dog with a bird at your door

i like the summer rain (i like the sounds you make)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i try very hard to because they make me so happy and it’s unbelievably kind of people to take the time to leave them!!! However i sometimes leave it too long and then worry it’s weird to reply after like. a month. which as a fic reader i wouldn’t give a shit about so idk what my problem is!!!! i will reply i will just maybe take a hot sec to do it

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t have any i’m a happily ever after or bust kinda guy in my own head if nowhere else…… angstiest is probably the sound of love astounds me if only because it ends post-feelings realisation but still pre-relationship

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

they’re all so happy omg. i will say with great personal bias it’s my heart’s over-pumping but also i have. a sequel in the works….

8. do you get hate on fics?

no people have been very very very lovely but also sjjsjsjs i’ve not been here super long. the funniest comment i’ve gotten was on my first fic where someone was like i liked this but it is jarringly inaccurate as mcdonald’s in california doesn’t have a veggie burger option 😭 i cried laughing im so sorry to u americans. pls petition your local mcdonald’s to stock the mcplant it slaps

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

have written two e-rated fics….. it’s very fun but i don’t think i’m very good so i’d like to practice actually (maybe some sexy prompts after i finish the bed-sharing ones?) just the regular kind for now like i love buck and eddie desperately and am myself into a million things but i don’t know how kinky they would actually get in my own head. so just a little gross with it for now i guess

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

nope!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

no that would be SICK. @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove is podficcing bucket list fic which is so very cool of her!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no omg i don’t know how y’all do it i’m bad at group projects but also this sounds soooooo fun. if also deeply stressful

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

if that’s synonymous with most likely to get you institutionalised, uh. gestures around us. otherwise mulder/scully and i am just now right as i’m typing this realising i’ve never ever in my life actually read x files fic what the fuck. also steve/bucky but i haven’t read fic since 2017 probably

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

listen i have not written a word for x files au past that one snip i shared forever ago. i want to soooo bad i’ve talked about it to some of you very rabidly but. it does not want to be written and if it did it would have to be so fucking long which is very daunting to me. not saying i’ve put her in the ground yet but. we might need some necromancing

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m pretty good at writing in character? mostly? sometimes i struggle with buck just because i think we’re very similar and i project a little and then have to go back and fix it lmao but for the most part i think i’m good at that! and i have a lot of fun writing dialogue

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

plot!!!!!! and pacing!!!!!!!!!!! also my inability to write non-linearly omg if i get stuck i just get Stuck i can’t jump ahead

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

oooh i love it and would love to include more than the teeniest bits i have but i’m so conscious about it sounding natural and not stiff to people whose language it actually is (shout out and a million kisses to @eddiebabygirldiaz for fixing the spanish in i love you like a dog!!!!!)

19. first fandom you wrote for?

911 babey!

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

my heart’s over-pumping and your mouth is an ambulance !!! not just because it was the first fic i posted after joining tumblr fandom but. idk it is so so so special to me like it makes me so happy and when i think about it i’m like. hey u wrote that. good for u my dude. and also maybe i just associate it with meeting a bunch of you whjsjssjsj

tagging @callaplums @eddiebabygirldiaz @housewifebuck @rewritetheending @try-set-me-on-fire @onward--upward @anxieteandbiscuits @devirnis @athenagranted if anyone wants to do this i’m nosy soz if you already have !!!!

[cjlouwho]

How do you feel about all of bucks ex girlfriends?

God, don't come for me I'm about to have some hot takes.

Abby: I think the way she treated buck was pretty awful, considering she was fully aware just how deep he was in that relationship. imo it never meant as much to her, and she knew it didn't, but she liked being doted over and cared for (don't blame her for that) so she just kinda let it happen. I also wonder if she was even going to really tell him she was leaving at all, if he hadn't showed up to her place to explain things? liked her as a person, did not like her for buck (although I do think she was necessary for his personal growth). 4/10

Ali: Wasn't around for very long. Didn't mind her, but thought the scene of them making out in front of the realtor was bizarre, but that might just be the fact that I'm not a fan of prolonged pda. Seemed nice enough and I understood her reasoning for not sticking around but I hate the cliches these types of shows do where the partner is surprised that the person with a dangerous job has a dangerous job. 6/10

Taylor: This might be where people come for me but please let me explain! I can't stand her, but I blame the writers for it. For some reason, writers tend to write females who are passionate about their jobs as annoying and aggressive. I just rewatched her first episode and while she says things that make sense, they didn't write her likable at all and the whole relationship in season 5 feels like a scam. I feel like they would have been much better kept as friends. They were always on different wave lengths and, honestly, I don't think either of them were ever truly "in love". idk I just didn't buy it. 2/10

Lucy: not exactly a girlfriend but she was something and, again, I think they screwed the character over by having her be anything to buck at all. Also, I'm sorry, but the acting was terrible. I used to watch that actress on Gilmore Girls and she was good, but this was not and I feel like I'm the only one who thinks that because everyone I see always wants her to come back, but like why??? her acting made me cringe, I'm so sorry. 4/10

Natalia: Didn't hate her. I actually thought she was the best potential love interest they brought on (up until tommy ofc) and my god she's stunning, but we barely got to know her. She seemed kind though, and didn't mind buck's complicated history. I get why they dumped her so quickly when things shifted within 911, but I didn't mind her 7/10

I do want to emphasize that I was not here for the original go around with these characters, and I am sure the actresses were given so much unjust hate simply for being near buck, but I also blame the writers for doing a bad job giving buck female love interests.

[vanmarkus]

The way that I agree with your last ask post that Buck would never recover from Bobby dying and that's why I fear he might. 😭

Buck has had a pretty chill season. He's happy and healthy.

I am so scared because I feel that when a character is happy for too long, Tim's like nope lol you thought they were happy, here's some trauma and pain!

I just need my 188 fam to be alive at the end of next week and the fact that we can't rule out that there's a plot twist and cliffhanger has me stressing!!

tbh you can't have everyone going through their worst traumas all the time either! comic relief is a legit thing in media for this exact reason and thankfully, Buck's current stroyline while interesting and fresh, isn't full of major life altering traumas...

he's not untouchable by any means, but exactly because there is so much going on and because everyone else's messy storylines also affect him, I kinda don't feel like he'd be Tim's next victim in the near future — ofc I might be wrong, Tim is diabolical and unpredictable after all, which I simultaneously love and hate about him lmao

I feel like the next episode will be very jam packed with Eddie's family and henren and Bobby and Gerrard and maybe even some minor bucktommy storyline too just for good measure...

idk what we can expect, but I think the most we'll see them together will be at Bobby's bedside and I also don't exactly expect them to wrap up all — if any — storylines in the finale since we are already booked in for s8 and I'm assuming Tim is already plotting for the premiere. (though he's famously always behind on actually writing those plots smh)

[kinardsevan]

I have this image in my head that we won't actually get Evan and Tommy having sex (obviously, it's broadcast television). I would be surprised to see them skip the discussion, mostly because we know Buck needs to talk things out, and that would be a major move in their relationship. (I obviously will also survive if we never get the acknowledgment and it just happens entirely off camera). But given that we know Tommy is concerned with his say in things and security about the relationship, I feel like the discussion of it is bound to come up.

And like... in my head, it starts out as a discussion him and Eddie. Tommy finds out about it because Eddie heard just a little too much from Buck and goes back to Tommy all "hey man I love you two but I really don't need to know that much about what you two do privately." And then Tommy goes back to Evan a little miffed about it it all because he feels like what goes on between them should be between them. Like sure, let their friends have opinions and ask questions, but leave something about it just for them. And Evan is cool with that, but also, he was just talking to his best friend.

Somehow that devolves into an argument because Evan wants to take the next step but Tommy kinda feels like it's been cheapened when he's actively been putting off this happening because he wants Evan to be sure (referencing this interview and this post). Then obviously we move through the crux of the episode, Evan realizing why it's so important to Tommy for everything to feel right in order for them to take the next step.

So then we get back to them at the end of the episode, and I imagine one of two things: we get the make up, which has Tommy telling him that he loves him, but wanted Evan to be sure that he was as invested as he is before he said it because sex changes things, and he couldn't let himself go there if he thought he might lose him. In this version, I see the episode ending with them going to bed together, and we get at most, kissing and clothes being taken off.

The other version I have in my head has the make-up, falling into bed, etc. But then we get this scene at the end of the episode. Maybe it's after a shower, or the next morning, but Evan is at the counter getting some kind of food, and Tommy walks up behind him and slides an arm around his waist and kisses his cheek, and Evan just leans into him because it was better than he had even imagined it to be and now there's just something about having physical contact with Tommy. Like, he knows things are different now, but it's okay because it's different in a good way, and because Tommy loves him in a way that no one ever has, and he loves Tommy too.

Idk man. I just can't get the visual of that scene at the counter out of my head. I just keep imagining it. It would be such a subtle acknowledgment, but still say so much.

(gonna tag @alchemistc for posterity since I linked her post)

[cartcop]

Can I get your opinion on something? how do you feel about Ravi lately. Because I’m happy we’re seeing more of him but I also feel like they kinda gave up on giving him his own personality? Last season he was his own person: he was an introvert, a bit shy and hesitant but still competent and emphatic. and now he’s. well. He’s Buck. All jokes and random facts. last episode every time he spoke (especially at some point when he said statistics about something i don’t remember) I found myself thinking “that’s something Buck would say”. Idk it’s probably a me problem (i read an interview where they said “he’s gonna butt heads with buck because now he’s the cheeky one” so I’m probably focused on that), we still don’t know much about him and it takes me at least a few episodes to understand characters. Hoping we’ll see more of his backstory (praying for a Ravi begins) and his relationships with other characters and I’ll be able to get him better.

It’s important to me that you (and everyone else) know that you can literally always ask my opinion on anything. Anytime. I love saying words.

Honestly, I never was part of the Ravi fan brigade (tho I’m really happy that he’s back) so my thoughts on who he is as a character are kinda ?!?!?!. His re-intro was phenomenal I thought, a great little retroactive explanation of where he’s been and why he’s been there—with the level of emotional depth that 911 is so good at giving.

I thought his “are you sure that’s a good idea”/“I did tell you it was a bad idea” this past ep felt on brand for him, but I also didn’t really clock his characterization that much in seasons past, beyond him being sort of hesitant in a way that made sense for a new kid Buck was harassing at every turn lmao. Moving him away from that hesitance now that he’s developed professionally makes a lot of sense to me, but again, I’m no Ravi scholar.

I like the idea of him being somewhat Buck-like but maybe a little more…grounded? Like as the newest member and also the one that’s existed outside the 118 in the LAFD, it’s kinda fun to have him side eying the team. I definitely didn’t read his characterization in this most recent ep quite as Buck-like as you did, but I get the concern. They both kinda emanate little-brother energy and I would hate to see Ravi turn into a Buck-redux.

I do think 911 is trying to prep for the next stage in the show tho, and bringing Ravi back is a key play in that imo. Like, clearly Buck is in the homestretch on the emotional journey he’s been on since s1, which presumably means getting linked up with his ~forever person~ in the next season or so. And reintroducing Ravi and giving him some familiar, Buck-like character traits might be their way of moving Ravi into that “star single hot firefighter” role Buck’s been filling for 6 seasons. Not to be Buck round 2, but to hint hint nudge nudge at the audience that he’s gonna step up into a similar role narratively; youngest on the team, still finding his footing in the 118 AND in the world. I think that’s a big reason we got the fire academy setting too, with named characters who had really distinct personalities despite having so little screentime—they need to be ready to sub in some new firefighters if they want this show to run much longer, whether the main cast stays after contract renewals next season or not.

That’s all massive speculation from me, but I just cannot get the idea out of my head that they’re readying themselves for the next phase of 911, and you mentioning Ravi’s characterization being reminiscent of Buck just kinda. Slots right in with that crackpot theory of mine.

[buckybeardreams]

Can I just say that I honestly really love how you write Eddie in your stories? Like I don’t know I just love seeing him being so possessive of Buck in your works (probably not the “healthy” outlook and real life relationships no but this is fiction so it’s fine lol) I know other people write possessive/jealous Eddie as well and I enjoy those as well but it usefully comes off more playful but your version of Eddie almost has a dark vibe to it? That might be to strong a word to describe it idk lol. Either way I love it, seeing him be like I’m not putting up with your shit Evan Buckley, your mine no one else’s. I. Do. Not. Share. Almost like he’s slowly hypnotizing buck a little bit at a time with it even while Buck just kinda remains innocently clueless to Eddie even doing it lol. But at the same time Eddie still fully expressing his absolute love and respect for buck while doing it. I hope any of this made sense 😅

In reference to this fic

Lol yeah, I like Eddie to be a little bit dark, like he's sweet and he's a good guy, but also he's been through shit, he's got some rage inside him.

Also Eddie was kinda a bad husband and a bad dad for a couple years there. So like I think he feels a lot of guilt over it, and he has this need to be better, to always be strong and in control and be there for Chris like he wasn't before.

That guilt probably really weighs on him, and in a way, he probably feels like he missed out on those early years with Chris, and maybe that's not why he's into ageplay, but it might be one of the reasons why he likes it when Buck is in a really young headspace.

The way Eddie is slowly molding Buck is something I absolutely love! It's definitely very possessive, and when that's paired with Buck being totally oblivious to it happening, it's just so fucking good!

Eddie definitely loves Buck, there's no doubt about that, but his love is very obsessive and all consuming. He doesn't just want part of Buck, he doesn't just want a little bit. He wants everything, wants to control every aspect of Buck's life, but he means well for the most part.

Buck is hands down the love of Eddie's life. He's never loved anyone the way he loves Buck, but even in his past relationships, Eddie had some issues, anger and otherwise.

Now he's got Buck, someone he loves so deeply, someone who's so important to him and to his kid, and Eddie has never felt stronger feelings for someone before in his life... but unfortunately, it's not just his love for Buck that is magnified.

Eddie feels way more possessive with Buck, way more controlling than he ever did with Shannon, who he married and had a kid with. He has this intense need to control Buck to make him his little boy, turn him into exactly what he wants him to be, exactly what he feels like Buck wants to be. Because as much as Eddie has wanted Buck to be his little boy from day one, he never pushed for it because he didn't believe Buck would be interested.

Then suddenly he sees Buck in his headspace, and Eddie's hooked, and he decides that Buck is going to be his and he's going to take care of him, and while Eddie did kinda talk to Buck about it and he's not technically forcing it on him, there's no doubt that he's pushing Buck just a little bit more each time.

He's definitely on the darker side, soft but dark, and I'm like obsessed with it!

[changeling-droneco]

This is a bit of a controversial take, but I think a big problem is writers seem to be given a lot less but also expected to do a lot more. A bit of a double standards. Like fanfiction needs to be held to some higher standards to be worth existing. Like obviously there’s bullying and double standards and discourse for every version of fancreating but it feels like fanfic gets a lot shit for just, existing. It’s the butt of the joke, it’s complained about, people get really picky and really fighty over it.

People constantly complain about fanfics not being finished, or talking about how they refuse to read fanfic unless it’s completed. People complain if it’s over tagged, people complain if it’s under tagged, fanfic is constantly stolen for ai startups or apps trying to otherwise monetize it. Hell, If any kind of money crosses any hands even if it’s buying directly from the author people get up in arms about it being the death of fandom and yelling at people for being a part of it, even when every single fandom Etsy seller gets a pass for like, selling undertale stickers. I promise you me writing a thousand words of mcyter fanfic for like 15 bucks and my copy of a somewhat dark mlp fanfic I bought from the creator did not and could not do that. People constantly talk about “why don’t you just write original fiction if you’re going to make such a detailed fantasy au?” People get super picky about fanfic and get so weird about unfinished fanfic or refuse to engage with it at all. I see a lot more hate or ire or mean spirited jokes pointed at authors more then I see appreciation or care. I know every form of fan creation gets this, but it just feels like crap at how much people seem to take potshots at writers or treat them as inherently more deserving of scrutiny or as inherently more dangerous to fandom because anne rice might rise from her grave and idk delete wattpad. How fic sites get more negative attention about being evil and problematic then any more art based sites.

It’s hard to put into words ironically, but it feels like at times a good portion of fandom just, kinda hates fanfic writers? I know it’s like a small slice, but damn if they don’t get vocal at times. Though even beyond that it feels like fanfic is often seen as like, lower class of art, like it’s just inherently less serious and worthwhile then other forms of art? Fanfic being good or poignant is seen more often then not as a surprise, and then even sometimes derided for being wasted on “mere fanfiction” or mocking some like classical book or story as “just fanfiction” as a way to devalue it, as if fanfiction is unworthy of being respected as an art form and therefor anything resembling it (insert discussion about how fanfic is often seen as a more feminine thing and associated with writers often being female and how that plays into it being seen as more frivolous here)

Plus people really have no sense of boundaries with it at times. I can’t count the amount of times some YouTuber has just casually read their fanfiction for a video and derided it as weird and cringy and accidentally send a wave of people to bully the writer for being cringy. (The only time I’ve ever really seen this done well is Danny Motta because dammit if you’re gonna do it at least cosplay the anime boy you’re being shipped with, and even then he probably should have still been more solid or clear about getting permission)

I don’t have a solution either but just, stop treating authors like they are somehow more cringy or sad or lesser or dangerous then artists? Give us at least a bit of respect and acknowledgement of us being equals in creativity and innovation to other creators. Don’t be a dick about a fic set in first person or that’s formatted unusually. Especially stop bullying people over fanfic you think is bad or weird, we’ve had enough literal kids who wrote creepypasta-esque fanfic of like, dream, get bullied off the internet or worse. Someone writing grimdark fanfiction is not lesser then someone drawing a fluff comic, and vice versa.

feedback and fic in fandom (3 f's of our own)

This conversation about feedback on fic says everything I’ve been wanting to say better than I could say it. But I’ll go ahead and try anyway.

Over the last five years or so there have been some great discussions around the rise of commodification of fanworks and decline of fandom community. This commodification looks a bit like enshittification of the internet: a cool site exists; its popularity makes someone realize they can get money from it; it has more and more ads; the site adds features to drive engagement, including The Algorithm; the things that made the site cool start to fall away. The site exists now as a vehicle purely to get clicks, and the people on it are on it solely to get clicks—to make money, to be successful, for some kind of social cachet.

AO3 doesn’t have advertisements. It’s not making money. But what is happening to fandom is proof of concept that enshittification changes the way we as humans engage. A cool website in 2004 was often a community space where you could meet people, have conversations, find cool things, and make cool things. A cool website in 2024 is either a content farm that will continually feed you enough content to hold your attention, or a social media site where your participation will come with stats to show you whether you are holding the attention of others.

AO3 wasn’t built to be a community space. It doesn’t have great functions for meeting people and having conversations. The idea was that, because fandom community spaces already existed, AO3 would serve the part of that community where you can find the cool things and store the cool things you made. It was meant to be a library in a city, not the whole city itself.

But it was also never meant to be a website in 2024, a content farm constantly generating content solely for your clicks and eyeballs and ad revenue, or a social media site where the content creators themselves vie for your clicks and eyeballs.

The most common talking point when people discuss the enshittification of fandom is the folks out there who are treating AO3 as that first kind of enshittified website: the content farm. This discussion is about how people treat fanfic as a product for consumption.

The post that kicked off the discussion on @sitp-recs’s blog was about someone who wasn’t getting very many kudos or comments on their fic, and was feeling pretty demoralized about it, then joined a discord server and found an entire channel dedicated to people loving their fic. But those on that server had never come to share that love with the author, which the author found really discouraging.

There are more and more stories like this. Someone on tiktok pulls a quote from a fic on AO3 and makes a 10-second video with them staring at a wall, the quote pasted at the bottom, music playing over it. It has 100,000 hearts, and 100 comments with people gushing over the fic, which has 80 kudos on AO3. Overall, people notice more and more hits on their fics, but fewer and fewer comments or even kudos. Fewer and fewer people seem to feel the need to interact with the author, instead treating the fic like a product to be used and discarded—which the enshittified internet (a stunning feature of late-stage capitalism!) encourages. The fandom community is dying, these stories conclude.

I agree. 100%. Both of the stories above have happened to me—viral tiktoks about my fic, secret discord channels to follow and discuss my fic—and let me tell you, it fucking sucks.

But from these observations about fandom enshittification, the discussion continues in a very odd direction. The solution to the death of fandom community is our favorite enshittification buzzword: engagement. We should engage the authors. They’re producing these products for free. We consume them at no cost. We must demonstrate our gratitude by paying them back.

It’s as though the capitalist consumption that the enshittified web encourages is so ingrained within us that we must think in terms of payment, in terms of exchange, transaction. Or as though, by forgoing payment, authors are some kind of martyrs defying capitalism, and the only way to honor their great sacrifice is comments and kudos.

Indeed, the discourse around this sometimes does veer away from capitalist rhetoric into something that smells almost religious in desperation. Authors are gods who bestow us mere mortals with the fruits of their labor benevolently, through love; the least we can do is worship them. Meanwhile the authors adopt the groveling sentiment of starving artists: I produce great art; I only humbly ask that you feed me in return.

These kinds of entreaties make my skin crawl for a number of reasons. I’m not a god. I’m not writing because I love you. I don’t expect your worship or even your praise.

I think the thing that disturbs me the most about it is that it suggests that authors (or, if the OP is feeling generous fan work creators) are the most important people in fandom. I’ve even seen posts stating that without creators, fandom wouldn’t exist—as though readers aren’t just as important. As though conversations where people discuss characterizations and plot points and randomly spin out interpretations and ideas and thoughts related to canon are meaningless. I’ve even seen people scramble to include folks having these discussions as “creators,” as though realizing that these people are necessary and integral to fandom communities but unable to drop the idea that the producers are the ones who are important. As though that person who just lurks can never count.

Is this what community is? When you join the queer community, are you expected to produce a product of your queerness? If not, must you actively participate and give back to the queer community in order to be considered a part of it? Or is it enough that you are queer, that you exist as a queer person and want to be around others who are queer, you want to be a part of something? What is community, anyway?

The problem with people raising the authors above everyone else in the community and demanding that tribute be paid is that they are decrying the “content farm” style of 2024 website out of one side of their mouth, but out of the other side are instead demanding that AO3 become a 2024-style social media website. Authors are influencers. “Engagement” and clicks are the things that really matter. They are in fact suggesting that the way to solve the commodification of fanfic is by “paying authors back” with stats.

Before anyone comes at me with the idea that comments aren’t just “stats,” I will clarify what I mean. There are literally hundreds of posts on tumblr alone claiming that any comment “helps” the author. Someone replies that they are shy to comment. Someone else replies that incoherent keyboard smashes, a single emoji, or the comment “kudos” are all that is required to satisfy the author, all that is required as tribute—all that is required as payment to keep this economy healthy.

I’m not condemning the comments that are keyboard smashes or emojis or a single kind word. I receive them. They make me happy. If anyone wants to leave such a comment on my fics, I’m really grateful for it. But this is not community-building. This is a transaction. In @yiiiiiiiikes25’s excellent response in the post linked at the beginning, they point out that “you have a cool hat” is something that is “perfectly nice” to hear from someone—and it is! We all want to be told we have a cool hat! But as they go on to say, what builds community is interactions that are deep and specific, interactions that are rich in quality, not in quantity. A kudos or a comment that says only ❤️are lovely things to receive, but they don’t build community.

My reaction, when I see people begging for kudos and comments as the only means by which to keep fandom community alive, is very close to @eleadore's. I want to say, “No. Readers do not need to comment or kudos. Believe not these hucksters who claim to know the appropriate method of fandom participation. Participate as you feel able, or not at all; nothing is required of you.”

I’ve been told before (several times) that I’m not qualified to participate in such discussions because I am an established author who has some fics with very high stats. It doesn’t matter that I have also been a new writer with almost no one reading my fics. It doesn’t matter that I still write in new fandoms where no one in that fandom knows me. It doesn’t matter that I, like any human being, still care about receiving recognition and attention and praise.

And maybe that’s correct. I personally don’t think that billionaires have a place in deciding the direction of the economy, and--if we're really going to consider fandom an economy--in fandom terms, if I’m not a billionaire, or even a millionaire, I’m definitely in the infamous “one percent.” So, just as no one wants to hear Elon Musk say “money isn’t everything,” maybe it’s not my place to say “kudos isn’t required, actually.”

That said, I’m not the only one who has a problem with the stats-based discourse around fandom community. However, the main counter-response to this discussion I see goes something like this: you shouldn’t be writing fic for validation. If you’re writing for attention, you’re doing it for the wrong reason. Authors should write fic because they love it without any expectation of return.

This is, in my opinion, missing the point of what is meant by fandom community.

I wrote fanfic before I knew that fanfic, as a concept, existed. I read books; I wanted them to be different; I wrote little stories for myself with new endings, with self-inserts, with cross-overs, with alternate universes. I did it for myself in the 90s. It never occurred to me that anyone else would do this, much less that people would share.

As @faiell points out—creating and sharing are two different things. I created fics for myself, but I decided to share them in the early 2000s because other people might like them, too. And of course, I wanted to hear whether other people liked them. How could I not? I might decorate my home just for me and not for anyone else’s preferences, but when people come over and say my house is nice, how can I not enjoy that? And if a lot of people think my house is nice, which encourages me to post pictures of it online, isn’t it understandable I might do so with the hope that more people will say my house is nice? And, honestly, if no one is appreciating my pictures, I probably won’t continue to go through the trouble of taking them and posting them. I’ll just enjoy my house that I decorated without sharing, the end.

When I found out there were whole fannish communities where people discussed canon and tossed ideas around about it, made theories and prompts and insights into the characters, fics they had written and recs for other fics and analyses of fics and art based on fics and fics based on art—I wanted to be a part of that, too. Now, sometimes, I write fic not out of an internal need to do so but out of a desire to participate in that community.

The idea that we write fic only for the love of it, then post it only because we possess it, is a process entirely centered on the self. It’s fandom in a vacuum. The idea that we share this thing, that we feel pleasure if someone likes it but feel nothing at all if no one says anything about it, that it’s completely okay to be ignored and unseen—that’s not what a community is either. That’s some weird sort of self-aggrandizement through self-effacement—because yes, there is often a weird kind of virtue-signaling in this kind of discourse.

I say this as someone who has virtue-signaled in that way: “some people write for stats, but I write for myself.” It’s bullshit. Sure, I write for myself, but why post it on the internet? Honestly, said virtue has a whiff of the capitalist machine, which would like you to produce for the sake of production, work for the sake of work. The noblest among us expect no recompense for that which they give!

The reason that I’m bringing this back around to capitalism is that capitalism actively works to dismantle community. The reason that folks are out here pleading for “engagement” in order to “pay back” authors for the products they give us “for free” is because people no longer even have the language to discuss how to participate in meaningful community. And frankly, how to build back fandom community, in the face of enshittification, is getting harder and harder to see.

But I do think that if we value fanfic and the fanfic community, it’s really, really not constructive to judge whether someone’s reasons for writing fanfic are valid. It’s also weird to me that it would be considered wrong that someone’s reason for sharing fanfic is because they would like to receive some recognition for it, when in fact that seems to be the most natural reason in the world for sharing something so private and vulnerable with the world.

Let’s go back to that idea of how hurtful it is to find out your fanfic is trending on tiktok without anyone from tiktok saying anything to you about your fic, or how it can be painful to find out there’s a secret discord channel dedicated to your fic. The people who respond to that with, “Ah, but you shouldn’t be writing to get attention!” are missing the point. The fic did get attention. It got lots. Attention obviously wasn't why the writer was writing--they were writing to participate, and they didn't get to. At all.

However, if your conclusion is that the author was upset because these particular stats were not accruing under this author’s profile, thereby preventing them from achieving the vaunted status of BNF and influencer—I don’t know, maybe you’re right. But I don’t think that’s why I, personally, have been hurt by these things, and I doubt it’s what hurt the people in these posts either. They’re hurt because they want to participate, and they have been systematically excluded by the very people they thought were part of the community they thought they could participate in.

Sure, if those folks from tiktok and the discord server all came and showered the author with kudos and comments that said “kudos,” the author might have felt satisfied enough with the quantity of this recognition that they would continue writing. But in the end, this still does nothing to address the problem of fandom community, in which the deep, meaningful recognition, interactions, and relationships in fandom are getting harder and harder to have and to build, as a result of how people now expect to engage in online spaces.

So, how to address the problem of fandom community? You probably read this long, long post hoping that I had an answer, and for that I must apologize. I don’t have solutions. My intent was to be descriptive, rather than prescriptive. I wished to outline the problems that I’m seeing in what was hopefully a slightly new or at least thought-provoking way, rather than offer solutions.

But, now that I’m talking about being prescriptive, maybe I can offer one suggestion, which is—maybe the solution to this isn’t about prescribing behavior. I do understand the irony in writing a prescription saying we shouldn’t prescribe people, but I’m going to write it anyway:

Maybe we shouldn’t be telling anyone the appropriate reasons for writing fanfic or for sharing it. Maybe we shouldn’t be telling readers they need to kudos or need to comment. If we’re going to go pointing fingers, we should be pointing at the institutions of capitalism that have made the internet what it is today—but I don’t think that’s going to solve the problem either.

But I do think that describing this problem, understanding what it actually is, not blaming readers for it and not blaming authors for it—I do think that helps. The discussion I linked at the beginning of this post is what I think of as the fandom I miss, the fandom that's now harder and harder to access, the fandom that is dying. That fandom was a social space where people had opinions and disagreed and went back and forth and gazed at their navels and then talked about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

In the words of @yiiiiiiiikes25, it was a fuckin’ discussion about hats. And we’re hungry for it.

[kellykadesperate]

hi hey!! :3 i am back lolol <3

i SCREAM, the fast and furious comparison LMAO. you are so so right, i cannot unthink this now djdjdjdjd. it's sad because both Fast and 911 started out pretty good but then just went on. and on. and on. i really wonder how long 911 will actually stay until they realize that they've completely overshot it. your reply made me think more about the family dynamics in the show. in the first season specifically, we actually had a setup with the main characters (except hen, i think) who, in some way or another, were or at least felt kinda alone? the show being about found family made a lot of sense for all characters back then. however, they simply are at a completely different point 5 seasons later that it just falls flat. you're right, all of them got their own family units outside of work now, all of them do sm better mentally and emotionally, and none of them feel as connected to each other anymore because of that (and maybe because the necessity for it simply does not exist any longer). so why go on with this shtick? then again, isn't that also true for 911 LS, with them having family outside of their crew? however, somehow it feels different to me, and i think i can pinpoint the reason: 911 LS actually invested time to build up friendships on screen and continuously makes an effort to show the characters bonding, so i truly believe it when they say that they are friends. with OG 911, they are "family", but i do not really feel it anymore? i do not wanna sound too harsh but it's simply my current feelings. family does not automatically equal being close, and i think the show has lost the plot a bit with actually, yk, showing us that these characters are real true friends who would hang out even if you removed all other family ties. i cannot for the life of me recall a reason why buck and chim, hen and eddie, eddie and maddie etc would actually hang out if they weren't "connected" by work or some pre-existing family ties.

ohhh, i completely forgot about the whole firefighter albert thing. it came out of nowhere, and i was mostly just ??? about it, though excited to see him being a reoccurring character! alas, that bubble burst quickly, like with all other secondary/side characters that seemed promising at first and then petered out :(. i liked the fact that he did not enjoy the job as much as chim! to me, it felt a bit like chim was maybe trying to connect to albert through the job the way that he himself connected to kevin in the past? the idea would add some depth, especially if albert still chooses to do something else in his life and has to communicate why firefighting might simply not be for everybody. i would like to see how this plays out but i want to be really honest... i am not even sure i won't just skip past any of that even if we get it. at this point, the majority of the show feels very inconsequential, i cannot really bring myself to invest energy in truly liking side characters (i am mostly just indifferent), and the writing is often quite wonky and unsatisfactory anyway, so my own headcanons or speculations usually end up being more interesting to me in comparison sksksksks. i do not expect a real moment of clarity and it leading to anything substantial so i just (shrug emoji).

everything appears heightened but ultimately is so so low stakes and so easily solvable. exactly this. i can enjoy some silly drama shows with stakes so low that they are on the ground, just to be clear, but the show must know to not take itself so damn seriously at the very least. i think 911 kinda fails at that – it wants to be so deep but like, we're standing in a kiddie pool right now, good sir, calm down LOL.

I feel like the show would genuinely benefit from a shock death or something that would change everything completely … Idk I just feel like sometimes the very slightest change is seen as devastating to the group lmao. yes and an even bigger YES to those two points! i think it needs some new goal, and one new goal could be bobby leaving (for traumatic reasons or not) and somebody else stepping up as captain permanently, or it could be something entirely different. i did not and still do not think that they'll have the guts to actually do it, though, so i was not worried a single second about the finale of season 6 or at any other point. especially when looking at the second thing you pointed out: the show cannot even be normal about depicting the normalest changes in life lmfao. this is also connected to how you said that the "additions to the team" feel "calculating" - yes yes yes. the show just desperately wants to drive home the fact that the only Good Team of the 118 fire station is the main characters. everybody else cannot understand them because they're actually normal about their job ig. everybody else is just accessory to establish this fact again, and again, and again. and that's kinda the crux of the show's problem: when you establish the fact that literally nobody could ever truly fit into or enrich their current family dynamic, meaning that the family dynamic is not allowed to change permanently ever, you know that none of these characters are allowed to go anywhere. otherwise, you'd lose the one point you're trying to bring across with the show. so going in circles forever it is!

It makes both characters really unlikable and I know there's a bigger narrative at play in both characters but that's not explored enough. 10000% with you on this topic. i'd loooove to both of them to just... stay single for at least a whole season or longer with zero interest in dating. mostly because i think the show would genuinely not know what to do with buck and eddie if it wasn't pushing them into their next romantic endeavor that they are not ready for every damn season. and that is OKAY, for them not to be ready! all i need is for the show to acknowledge that not-dating is not some disease that will make them die a miserable, pathetic, lonely death! i challenge 911 to give them friends and hobbies instead and actually build a life and story for these characters that is not painfully amatonormative pls pls pls. i agree with what you said: these characters have more overarching stories but the show simply doesn't drive those storylines purposefully enough. we do see development here and there (buck choosing his one-person armchair and being happy with it, i.e. he deliberately chooses to stay single over being with someone who does not accept who he is; eddie truly confronting his past trauma for the first time and finally going to therapy, realizing that he should create a good life for his own sake) but it all still ends in romance anyways. which, yk, would not feel so bad and flat to me if the complete lack of other meaningful things in their lives wouldn't be so evident at this point.

your reply actually reminded me again of all the times i enjoyed 911 LS more than OG 911 simply because they understood the assignment when it comes to writing solid friendships and how they are supposed to look like! indeed, the setup of them all coming together as strangers was very interesting, a "clean slate" for all, and there were so many moments where they all just. hang out. just chilling and vibing together. in the gym and the bunk room and at carlos' place etc! i can still remember so many scenes where it felt like they are friends not because they work together – they met through work, yes, but they make a conscious effort outside of the work context to stay close/become closer! gah, this makes me wanna catch up with the show again :')

ah yes, owen strand. in all honesty, i did not like the choice of him being such a big focus point either. the real strength truly lies in all the other characters, who all really bring something to the table. i was honestly invested in all their stories because they seemed to have something outside of work that is integral to their identity, and that just stands out positively in comparison to OG 911, where the characters' contribution to the narrative and society seems to be mostly linked to their job, and their relationships are also mostly tied through their jobs. 911 LS generally focusing more on the characters' uniqueness, no matter if it's their race, religion, culture, disabilities, or any queer topics, relativizes the importance of their jobs without overshadowing it. yes, they do incredibly essential work for society, and they love doing what they do, but they all have some things in their lives that are much more essential to them as people. taking away their uniforms only reveals how these characters' lives are not solely defined by their jobs, which i cannot really say for the OG 911 characters.

It's made things actually feel like choices genuinely matter. true!! tk becoming a paramedic is a wonderful example, but also so many other things. how the strands moved from nyc to texas, how the other characters (except judd) also moved to texas, as one pivotal point of the show. owen explicitly chose these firefighters to form a new crew because they were successful in the job before coming to texas, telling us that (a) they were accomplished adults before the new "found family" was even established and (b) were still able to recreate that success as a newly formed team. that sounds like the kind of take on found family that i would want to see depicted in OG 911 as well, and it also immediately sets up a certain freedom for the characters to make permanent, life-changing decisions that are allowed to be for the better. much unlike OG 911, where everything that challenges or remodels the found family must always be Bad™. also the fact that these choices get made and actually change the course of a character's career or life is so important for my enjoyment. they get a chance to show that they support each other through these changes and that these changes do not have to negatively affect their friendships. THAT is how a healthy found family should work imo.

interesting to compare these two. the shows are somehow alike but so so so different. btw do you watch any shows that you think are better than 911 and 911 LS regarding the points of criticism that we've discussed? :O i am currently looking for new shows to try out, but idk what the next thing could be. i definitely need something that is overall more well-written than 911 to cleanse my palate, though, LOL. recs are appreciated but no pressure <3

hey hey!

i cannot for the life of me recall a reason why buck and chim, hen and eddie, eddie and maddie etc would actually hang out if they weren't "connected" by work or some pre-existing family ties - OH THIS. I think with 911ls they make a thing of like hangouts and being silly and I also like how Judd is never there lmao. Judd has a wife and children and that again makes a lot of sense. He loves his team but they're not his family. He has strong friendships but he goes home to his wife. A lot of the crew are around the same age, and have similar interests and so that makes sense. With 911 they're not close in that sense, and we don't see them close in that sense despite being very involved in each other's personal life lol. They're all settled and content in some way or another and that makes characters like Buck stand out because he's not. And in comparison therefore: he's messy. He's poor little has no clue what he wants Buck in a way that feels like they're almost laughing at him lmao. So yeah that seems like a big difference between the shows/characters. Saying that though, I do think although 911ls show that they're more like friends, we see a lot less of the in-depth talks/chat 1:1 friendship stuff we have on 911 so it's all a mixed bag.

the majority of the show feels very inconsequential, i cannot really bring myself to invest energy in truly liking side characters - yep yep yep, i love side characters who break up some of the big tension of the show and for a show like 911 bringing in new characters should be fairly easy. I always forget that Eddie isn't an OG S1 character. But yes, when there's such investment in the core characters it obviously falls at the complete expense of any side characters they have attempted to build on.

i think 911 kinda fails at that – it wants to be so deep but like, we're standing in a kiddie pool right now - LOOL yes. I do think a lot of it comes down to having good serious actors on the show and wanting to lead into the drama they can bring and it's all well and good but at the same time, I really think the show thrives when it's silly. Some of the most memorable episodes have been the full moon one, the oceans 11 type one etc. It's fun and silliness is really just ... fun and silly ! It makes it what it is. If it wants to be dramatic, give me drama with lifelong consequences.

everybody else cannot understand them because they're actually normal about their job ig - IDK why but I just find this so funny. It really is just ... a job, a rewarding remarkable, amazing job. It just feels weird when they really hammer home how close the crew are and important they are but really don't show them all hanging out for extended periods of time. In fact they make a point of showing them hanging out separately: Chimney and Hen, Buck and Eddie, Hen and Athena even. It's just a choice!

genuinely not know what to do with buck and eddie if it wasn't pushing them into their next romantic endeavour - Like??? I was fully convinced Kameron was going to try and kiss Buck or something, I still kinda think they'll go there because ... why not!

but it all still ends in romance anyways - Yeah exactly this. I think without them meaning to it sets some sort of tone that doesn't feel ... nice? It feels like 'now he is content with being happy/working on himself he will have a romantic partner to top it all off' and like yes I get it was the finale but it does feel like going round and round in circles with both of them. Either give them permeant girlfriends they genuinely like lmao and build on that fully or just have them be single and explore their life a bit more. The whole destined to be alone, unloved, I'll never find someone who knows me is just ... I'm sick of it and makes both characters feel like they actually don't know what they want. I really did laugh when Buck was like Natalia sees me for me, she SEES me and it was like?? is this the writers telling us she's the one?? Or were we supposed to pick up on that? Like are we supposed to pay attention to this woman? Because look what happened with Taylor

it felt like they are friends not because they work together – they met through work - Oh my god yes. Yes. That's it. It's the idea that they genuinely enjoy each other's company/admire each other and want to hang around after work to continue seeing each other. It's sweet. I even remember when they did a mini sl about Nancy feeling like she wasn't part of the crew and made a point of being like: Is she invited to hangouts? No. Let's invite her. It also makes the idea of them invested in each other's lives seem a little truer, more authentic rather than them hearing about snippets of things on the way to calls (I don't think they've ever done that set up the way 911 do)

911 LS generally focusing more on the characters' uniqueness - Yeah! Obviously when you have a show with loads of cast members it's tricky to find some sort of difference to make them stand out, have them all shine and I think the show has got better at allocating sl's because the first 2 seasons were so Owen centric and he still manages to worm his way into sl's but at least there's an effort to have sl's completely separate from him.

telling us that (a) they were accomplished adults before the new "found family" was even established and (b) were still able to recreate that success as a newly formed team - THIS. They are adults. They had a job interview/were recruited because they had something special and we as an audience got to see that straight away, and see that in action. IDK I just think it's a lot easier to let your audience see a group of friends grow into a family than start by showing them THIS IS THE FIREFAM FAMILY

they support each other through these changes and that these changes do not have to negatively affect their friendships - I think a good example of this (again don't read if you haven't seen s3) but the end of s2 shows that the firehouse is effectively shut down, and they all have to go their separate ways and it just shows a nice way of moving these characters along but not damaging ties they still have. It was a really nice/interesting take and was genuinely surprising/made me think how are they going to get out of this?

I don't know about recs that are the same vibe but I would definitely recommend: Severance, Succession, Abbott Elementary (they're all so so different but amazing writing!)