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#idk anything about ao3 i barely know how to post to tumblr
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Johnny finds Neil high out on the balcony and confronts him about his apparent uptake in kalif use, causing Neil to spiral further. Weighed down by visions and signs, he shuts down, leaving Johnny to care for him in a moment of vulnerability.
After three months, I'm finally finished. Apparently, I just needed to be trapped inside for three days straight with nothing else to do.
Anyway, if you click through, mind the tags.
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genshinluvr · 2 years
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Actions Have Consequences
Pairings: Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader (slight Lumine x Isekai'd!Reader)
Summary: Lately, you have been pranking the men around the estate, and the men are getting tired of it. Yes, your pranks are harmless, but they're starting to get old. Instead of speaking to you about the pranks, like how Gorou suggested, Itto and Childe decide to prank you back with the cruelest joke that causes more harm than good. Who knew that actions have consequences?
Note: So, I couldn't come up with a prank that would make the reader cry and the men comforting the reader after the said prank. The only prank I came up with ends up hurting the reader, but it doesn't end up with the reader being given kisses by the men to comfort the reader 💀 This fic is NOT full angst. This is a hurt/comfort fic. There is a happy-ish ending in the end (I say that because idk how to feel about the ending). This is my first fanfic of 2023! Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you all have a fantastic 2023! Thank you for the support I've been receiving for almost a year now! I truly appreciate each and every single one of you ❤️ Please keep in mind that I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo).
Warnings: Childe and Itto's prank goes way too far when your prank is harmless, blood, jealousy, heartbreak, allusions to attempt of suicide
Word Count: 15.7k
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Lately, you have started pranking the men around the abode. The little pranks you pull are harmless, but the stunt can make the person feel a tad bit humiliated. A few days ago, while Diluc was in the shower, you snuck into his bathroom and took his clothes and towel before running out of the bathroom with an evil smile on your face. Diluc turns the shower off and reaches for the towel from behind the curtains, only to grab a handful of nothing. Diluc furrows his eyebrows and peeks his head from the shower curtains, only to find out that his clothes are missing and so are his towel. 
“Dammit, not again,” Diluc grumbles, running his fingers through his wet red hair and letting out a frustrated exhale.
Diluc stumbles out of his bathroom with an extra towel around his waist. He stomps down the stairs, leaving a trail of water behind. Diluc steps into the living room and glares at the inhabitants; everyone quiets down and stares at Diluc, eyes wide. 
“Diluc, my man! I know you’re fit and muscular, but did you really need to show off the muscles and package?” Itto jokes, earning chuckles from the men around him.
Diluc glares at each person, trying to spot the perpetrator that has stolen his clothes and towel while he is in the middle of his shower. He makes eye contact with you, who’s staring at him with an odd expression on your face. Diluc narrows his eyes and approaches you. Your eyes widen, and you look around, trying to find an escape plan to get away from Diluc as fast as possible.
Diluc stops in front of you and crosses his arms over his chest, gazing down at you with a blank stare. You swallow your saliva nervously and look around you. The men are all looking at you and Diluc quizzically, wondering what is happening.
You give him a fake smile. “Hi, Diluc! You’re looking good! Are you using the new body wash I got you?” You ask, leaning forward and sniffing his bare chest. 
Diluc doesn’t say a single word. Instead, he continues to stare down at you while poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue. He looks irritated and is not in the mood for your childish prank. You watch the water drip from his bangs and down his face, watching it slide down to his jaws and drop to the ground. 
Childe leans to you and whispers loudly, “The redhead looks pissed off. What did you do?”
You scoff and smack his chest lightly. “I didn’t do anything! I was down here the entire time while he was in the shower!” You lie.
Diluc tilts his head to the side, props both of his hands on his hips, and gives you a skeptical look after hearing your response. You puff your cheeks and hunch over, sighing in defeat. You can’t stand seeing Diluc this upset with you over a harmless little prank that you pulled moments ago. You hesitantly hand Diluc his clothes and towel without making eye contact with the redhead. 
Diluc takes the clothes and towel from your hands without saying a word before turning around and walking back upstairs to his bathroom. After that day, you decided not to prank Diluc. Well, you chose not to pull that kind of prank on Diluc again because the look he gave you and the silence from Diluc were unbearable. You felt bad that at the beginning of your pranks, you mainly targeted Diluc. 
So, you start to prank the others around the estate. Everyone is sitting around the dining table, getting ready to eat their lunch. You sit across from Thoma, sitting between Dainsleif and Al Haitham. You’re cutting into your steak when you notice Thoma reaching for the salt and pepper shakers. You bring the piece of steak up to your mouth and begin chewing on it, subtly watching Thoma sprinkle pepper on his food from the corner of your eyes. After sprinkling a decent amount of pepper on his food, Thoma puts the pepper shaker back in the center of the dining table. Thoma grabs the salt shaker, tilts it above his food, and the entire lid pops off, spilling salt all over his food. Thoma gasps, startled by what has happened.
“How did that happen?” Thoma mutters, looking at the empty salt shaker and his now oversalted food. 
Aether nudges Thoma and gestures in your direction. “I think I found the culprit,” Aether says, taking a bite of his crab roe tofu. 
Thoma looks over at you, only to see you hunch over in your seat, looking down at your steak while stifling your laughter. Thoma laughs and shakes his head. Everyone is surprised that Thoma didn’t get upset when you ruined his food by pulling that stunt on him. Since Thoma is an easygoing person, he doesn’t seem to care about his food being wasted and having to cook another food for himself.
“It’s a simple prank, but it’s a good one,” Heizou says, shrugging his shoulders, eating his onigiri while giving Thoma a look as Thoma gets up from his seat to go back into the kitchen to cook something else to eat.
Venti leans over and looks at the other men with wide eyes. “If [Y/N]’s moving onto other people, then who’s their next target!?” Venti asks, looking over at you from the corner of his eyes.
“[Y/N]’s pranks are harmless, Venti. There’s nothing to worry about,” Al Haitham says, scooping up his rice with his spoon.
Tighnari nods his head. “I agree with Al Haitham. Their pranks are harmless! What can go wrong?” Tighnari asks, taking a sip of his ice-cold water.
The next few days, your pranks consist of putting laundry detergent in Itto’s shampoo and conditioner bottle. Itto screamed about his hair feeling weird after putting laundry detergent in his hair, trying to wash it off with Diluc’s shampoo and conditioner frantically. Itto ends up giving you the silent treatment after that, and you have to beg him for forgiveness by going out into Inazuma to collect onikabutos for his next beetle battle.
As for the prank that you pulled on Zhongli, it was also another harmless prank. Even though it’s harmless, just like every other prank you have pulled in the past, this one was testing Zhongli’s patience. While Zhongli is steeping his tea early in the morning, the teabag breaks apart, and the tea leaves spill out from the bag. Zhongli sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head.
Zhongli does not have the time to deal with your childish prank. Zhongli promised Hu Tao that he would go into Wangsheng Funeral Parlor early in the morning to fill out the paperwork for a recent customer, but because of your childish prank, it has caused him to be a few minutes late for work. Zhongli ends up showing up at the funeral parlor without his morning tea and gets an earful from the funeral director herself.
Zhongli steps through the doors of the estate, sighing tiredly and rubbing his eyes. Ayato looks up from his book, spotting the tired Geo archon. Ayato gives Zhongli a sympathetic look and stands up, approaching the man with a cup of tea in his hands.
“Rough day?” Ayato asks, handing the warm ceramic cup to Zhongli.
Zhongli lets out a sigh and nods. Zhongli takes the cup from Ayato’s hands and gives the light blue-haired man a strained smile. “You have no idea,” Zhongli answers, blowing lightly on the teacup before taking a sip.
Kaeya leans against the door and smirks at the Geo archon and the head of the Kamisato Clan. “I’m assuming that this has everything to do with [Y/N] and their pranks?” Kaeya asks, pushing himself away from the door and approaching Zhongli and Ayato.
Zhongli nods, continuing to take small sips of the tea that Ayato has given him. “Unfortunately, it is. As much as I love them, their pranks are getting out of hand,” Zhongli mutters, staring down at the cup in his hands.
“How are they getting out of hand? Their pranks are harmless,” Dainsleif says from the corner of the room. Dainsleif continues to flip through the newspaper, not looking up from the paper in his hands.
“Judging by the look on the former Geo archon’s face and his posture, I’m assuming that [Y/N]’s prank caused him to be late for work,” Kaveh says, sprawling out on the couch and flinching when Al Haitham throws a cushion at him.
Baizhu raises his eyebrows at Kaveh’s speculation. “And how do you know that?” Baizhu asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
Cyno snorts. “Because he has made Al Haitham late to work before by locking him out of their shared apartment in Sumeru,” Cyno replies.
While your pranks are harmless, it was starting to annoy a few men around the estate. Yes, they love you to pieces, but the never-ending pranks are starting to become bothersome. They need to find a way to stop you from pranking them, but they don’t know how. You seem to be enjoying the pranks that you pulled on almost every person residing in the abode, and they didn’t want to put a damper on your mood.
Kazuha raises his hand to speak. “We can always talk to [Y/N] about the pranks. They can save it for a day that is made for pranks; I believe it’s called April Fool's day, according to [Y/N],” Kazuha says.
Xiao nods his head. “I agree. We should talk to [Y/N] about the pranks they’re pulling on us and how often they’ve been pulling these pranks on each of us,” Xiao says. 
“Have they pulled a prank on you?” Albedo asks, looking at Xiao curiously. Xiao presses his lips into a thin line and breathes through his nose, not saying a word. He looks over at Scaramouche, who nods his head.
Scaramouche takes his hat off and runs his fingers through his hair. “Xiao and I were in the middle of training, and [Y/N] thinks it's funny to appear out of nowhere to scare Xiao and me. Of course, it almost ended badly, but Xiao was able to stop himself before he could…. Stab [Y/N] in the face with his polearm,” Scaramouche explains.
Gorou sighs and hunches over on the couch, his ears flattening on his head. “Okay, so how are we going to approach this? We are going to talk to [Y/N] about this, right?” Gorou asks, looking up at everyone through his lashes.
The main goal is to get you to prank them less or to have you stop pranking them completely. You didn’t prank the other four Harbingers because you know not to mess with them and because the men have warned you not to do it for your safety. So, the other four Harbingers weren’t getting pranked. The men that are getting pranked are the ones that live under the same estate as you. At first, your pranks were tolerable, but then you started to prank each of them almost every day (you pull pranks on them every other day to throw them off) to the point where everyone is tired of the harmless little tricks you’ve been pulling on them.
“Talking?! That’s funny! I think we should play a prank on them back!” Itto says. Itto props his feet on the ottoman, resting his back up against the cushions of the couch and cushioning the back of his head with his hands.
Dainsleif shakes his head. “No way. If we do that, it’ll encourage them to continue to pull these pranks on everyone,” Dainsleif says. 
“That and it’ll cause a prank war, which is something we don’t want to happen,” Heizou interjects, giving Itto a look of disapproval. 
Childe’s eyes light up, and he steps forward, smirking. “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Pranking them back, I mean. If we pull a prank that is really good, it can get them to stop pranking us,” Childe explains.
Diluc shakes his head. “No. I have a bad feeling about your little plan,” Diluc says, narrowing his eyes at Childe. 
“Oh, come on, brother. Let’s hear him out now, shall we?” Kaeya chuckles. 
Diluc frowns and glares at Kaeya, shaking his head. Whatever Childe’s plan was, Diluc knows that it won’t end pretty. The next few days, you didn’t pull a prank on any of the men. At first, they were suspicious and weren’t sure whether something was going to happen or not. Since you decided to take a break from the pranks, this gave the men some time to plan out the tricks they were going to pull on you.
At the dinner table, you’re eating your spaghetti while the men are watching you closely while conversing with each other. You have yet to say anything to the men, and it gives them an unsettling feeling. What if you’re planning a prank while eating your spaghetti? You’re very deep in your thoughts, staring blankly at the table in front of you, slurping up the noodles. The men wish they knew what’s going on in that head of yours, but for now, they might as well play it safe before the revenge prank happens. 
Al Haitham clears his throat, grabbing your attention. “What have you been up to these last few days, sweetheart?” Al Haitham asks, propping his elbow on the dining table.
“Nothing much, really. The last few days have been boring for me. I have been trying to work on this project for the Akademiya, but I’m not sure how it’s going to turn out,” you reply. You reach for the cloth napkin beside the metal spoon and wipe your lips.
Tighnari’s ears perk up. “Oh? And what is this little project? This is the first time you have mentioned something about a project,” Tighnari says, his tail swishing in his seat with anticipation.
Aether leans toward Thoma, trying to be inconspicuous. “This could be a trap; I’m not sure if I can trust what they’re telling us,” Aether whispers.
You then go on to tell the men what you have been up to for the last few days (the days when the men didn’t have to deal with your endless pranks). You have been visiting the Akademiya to talk to publishers. Apparently, you and the research team you’re assigned to are currently in the process of publishing a scholarly journal about flora and fauna of Sumeru. 
Being a part of a research project is one of the requirements to graduate from the Akademiya. You and your research team, which consists of researchers and other Akademiya students, have decided to publish this scholarly journal, and it has been approved by the Sage. Al Haitham strokes his chin and nods his head. 
“So that’s what Al Haitham has been talking about. He mentioned something about the Sage approving of publishing some scholarly journal, but he was never informed about who was part of the research and the academic journal,” Kaveh murmurs.
Cyno smiles at you from across the table. “That’s a big achievement, [Y/N]. Congratulations, I’m really proud of you,” Cyno says softly.
You smile at Cyno shyly and rub the back of your neck, feeling heat rush to your cheeks and the tip of your ears. It truly is a big achievement for you; you’ve never been part of a significant research project before, and having the research project get published in an academic journal? You can put that on your job resume, and your and your research team members’ name will be published forever!
“That is a huge achievement! Congratulations, [Y/N]!” Thoma says, smiling at you. 
You smile at Thoma and continue to slurp up your noodles shyly. All of the attention you’re getting from the men, along with the praises, is making you feel bashful. At first, you didn’t know how the men were going to react when they heard about the secret project you’d been doing for the last few days, worried that they might not see it as a big deal as you did. But seeing their positive reaction made you feel relaxed and less worried. 
Venti lightly taps his glass cup with a fork to grab everyone’s attention. “I think we should all go out and celebrate [Y/N] and their research team’s accomplishment!” 
“Why not celebrate it at the estate? I’m sure we can find a way to celebrate [Y/N]’s accomplishment without having to leave the estate,” Baizhu suggests.
Albedo shrugs his shoulders. “I think celebrating [Y/N]’s accomplishments outside of the abode would be fun. After all, it has been a while since we all sat at a restaurant together,” Albedo says.
Kazuha turns to look at you. “What do you think [Y/N]?” Kazuha asks, leaning on the table while gazing at you curiously.
“Oh, uh….” You trailed off, unsure whether you wanted to celebrate your accomplishment outside of the abode or not. 
As much as you would love to sit in a restaurant and dine in with the loves of your life, you’re unsure about how it’ll turn out. Plus, you’re more of a homebody, and you like home-cooked meals. Maybe going out with them to celebrate your achievement isn’t going to be bad after all.
Scaramouche holds an index finger up. “Remember, it is your choice. If you want to celebrate at the abode, we can do that. If not, we can celebrate your achievement at a restaurant somewhere in Teyvat,” said Scaramouche.
“If we are celebrating in Inazuma, I know a place where we can celebrate,” Ayato says, shoving a piece of sushi into his mouth.
Gorou looks at you with anticipation. “So? What do you think? Dine in or dine out in Teyvat?” Gorou asks, waiting for your response.
“We can celebrate it at a restaurant! It has been a while since all of us have dined out in Teyvat,” you reply, smiling at everyone at the table.
Xiao clears his throat, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Speaking of everyone. Are we going to be inviting the other four?” Xiao asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
Everyone turns to look at you. You shrink in your seat and shrug your shoulders from the sudden attention from everyone in the room. It would be wrong for you not to invite the other four Harbingers to celebrate your big achievement. You don’t want anyone to be left out or feel left out. You will feel like a horrible person if you go out and celebrate your accomplishment with the men and leave the other four out of the celebration. You place your fork down and clear your throat.
“I will be inviting them, but I don’t really know if they’re going to show up or not,” you said, fiddling with the hem of your shirt.
“Well, they have to. We’re celebrating your achievement, and it would be a jerk move if they don’t show up to a celebration like this!” Aether huffs, leaning back in his seat.
You purse your lips before asking, “When is the celebration? I need time to get dressed and ready for it.” You’re hoping that it’s not tonight because there’s no way you’ll be prepared for the celebration in a short amount of time. 
You need to plan out how you’re going to dress for the celebration; just the thought of having to dress up for a celebration with your boyfriends makes you nervous. Everything has to be perfect, or else it’ll ruin your mood for the night. The men look over at each other and mentally communicate with each other; that’s what you’re assuming since they���re making faces at each other and moving their heads and eyebrows in strange ways you don’t understand.
Ayato turns to you with a smile on his face. “The celebration will be tomorrow night. It will be in Inazuma at a fancy restaurant. Please dress appropriately,” Ayato says. 
Ayato gets up from his seat, walks over to you, grabs your hand, and presses a kiss on your knuckles. You blush and nod in response. Perfect! It’s tomorrow night, and you have some time to plan out what you’ll wear according to what Ayato has informed you about. After you had finished your plate of spaghetti, Childe, Gorou, and Heizou were sent to go to the Harbingers’ estate to tell them about the celebration.
“You four don’t have to show up if you don’t want. But you four will look like jerks if you don’t show up to the celebration of [Y/N]’s accomplishment,” Heizou says nonchalantly, tapping his bicep with his index finger.
Dottore lets out an amused huff of breath through his nostrils. “Oh, you don’t have to worry about us not showing up. We will make an appearance,” Dottore says, smiling at Heizou and Childe.
“Did any of you think of a gift for [Y/N] for their achievement?” Pantalone asks, leaning against the doorway with a smile on his face.
Goro’s eyes widened for a brief moment when Pantalone brought up the topic of gifts. “Oh! A g-gift?” Gorou asks, looking over at Childe and Heizou anxiously.
Pantalone nods his head. “That’s correct, a gift. One does not celebrate an achievement without a gift of some sort,” Pantalone lets out a huff of laughter, crossing his arms over his chest and puffing it out.
“We will let you and the others decide on what gift to get [Y/N] for their achievement. The other Harbingers and I will be keeping our gift ideas to ourselves. We don’t want anyone to copy us,” Dottore says, flicking his icy-blue bangs over his shoulders.
Childe rolls his eyes and mumbles incoherent words under his breath before telling Heizou and Gorou to follow after him. After Gorou, Heizou, and Childe return to the abode, Dottore turns to look at Pantalone once they close the front door of the Harbingers' estate.
The two men turn to look at Pierro and Capitano; the two men have their arms propped up on the dining table, the sleeves of their button-up shirts rolled up to their elbows. Capitano and Pierro look at Dottore and Pantalone; Pierro raises his eyebrows at the two men at the entrance.
“What gift do you have in mind, Pantalone?” Pierro asks, clutching onto the mug in his hands and bringing it up to his lips to take a sip of his drink.
Capitano shakes his head. “I bet it's mora, as usual,” Capitano says. The three men can almost hear Capitano roll his eyes beneath his helmet. 
Pantalone, Dottore, and Pierro look at one another while chuckling and shaking their heads. After all, Capitano is always right. Don’t know what to get your significant other for their birthday? Give them mora! Did your significant other achieve something amazing, but you’re unsure of what to give them? Give them mora and take them out shopping with said mora! Overall, Mora is an excellent gift for many occasions! 
The next day, you didn’t see the men as much. You’re assuming they’re getting ready for the celebration and making sure things are going as planned. You spent the entire day planning your outfit for the evening and how you’re going to style your hair. During the day, Zhongli stops by your bedroom and gifts you a customized perfume that was made by Ying’er at Scent of Spring in Liyue. 
“I hope you like it,” Zhongli says shyly, presenting a small pink box to you. 
You grab the small box from Zhongli’s hands and untie the pretty pink bow that wraps around the box. You open the box and see a small glass fragrance bottle labeled ‘Under the Moonlight’ in cursive. You look at Zhongli and give him a smile, walking into his arms and giving him a hug.
“Thank you, Zhongli! I love it,” you said. 
You lean up and press a kiss on his jawline, squeezing his hand with your unoccupied hand. Zhongli brushes your hair from your face and presses a kiss on your forehead, muttering how proud he is of you. After that, Zhongli leaves you to prepare for the celebration. You wear the fanciest clothing you have in your closet, style your hair that fits the occasion, and spray on the perfume that Zhongli has gifted to you. You leave the abode on your own after remembering what Kaveh had told you while you’re getting ready for the celebration.
“We will be waiting at the restaurant. Ayato has given me the name of the restaurant, and I have slipped the paper under the door. We will meet you there,” Kaveh says from behind your closed bedroom door.
You look at the floor and notice the small slip of paper. “Alright, sounds good! I will meet you all there!” You said, walking over to the paper and grabbing it off the ground. You flip the paper over to read the name of the restaurant; you hear Kaveh’s footsteps fade away. 
You walk in the streets of Inazuma City, feeling self-conscious from the number of stares you’re getting from bystanders as you’re walking past them. Yes, you’re wearing fancy clothes and are dressed for a fancy occasion (to them), but that does not mean you’re comfortable with them staring at you as you’re walking by them. 
At the restaurant, the men are fixing their clothes and hair, making sure they look good. The only people missing are you, the four Harbingers, Childe, and Itto. Ayato has booked the entire restaurant, reserving the whole place for the twenty-six of you. The area is decorated with balloons and party streamers; on the ground of the restaurant, the flood is covered in confetti, and on the wall is a huge “Congratulations [Y/N]” sign. 
“Has anyone seen Childe and Itto?” Dainsleif asks, fixing the navy blue tie around his neck.
Kazuha shakes his head. “I haven’t seen them since this morning. Perhaps the two of them are getting a present for [Y/N]; after all, I did recall hearing Childe rant about Pantalone having to mention gifts,” Kazuha says, fixing the sleeve of his button-up shirt.
“Well, whatever those two are up to, they need to hurry up,” Xiao grumbles, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows.
The door to the restaurant opens, and Childe and Itto walk through the door with a person between them, their arms linked around Childe and Itto’s arms. The men look at Childe and Itto in disbelief; Itto and Childe give the men toothy grins and wave at them before looking down at the person.
“Who is that?” Kaeya asks, pointing at the person in the middle.
“How should we know? We’ve never met that person in our entire lives,” Scaramouche says, looking at Itto and Childe in horror.
Childe and Itto approach the men with the person linked around their arms. “Gentlemen, meet Li. Itto and I are paying them to play as our,” Childe quickly gestures to everyone in the room, “fake side piece,” Childe says, smiling at the men proudly.
“Wait, what?” Albedo raises his eyebrows at Childe.
Itto laughs and rubs his hands together. “Oh man, this prank is going to be the best prank ever! We paid Li to be all of our pretend ‘mistress’ to get back at [Y/N] for the pranks they’ve pulled on us!” Itto says.
Diluc shakes his head angrily. “No. Absolutely not. We are not going to pull this kind of ‘prank’ on [Y/N] on their special day and as a way to ‘get back at them’ for the tricks they’ve pulled,” Diluc states firmly, glaring at Childe and Itto.
“I agree. Childe, Itto, you need to call off this ‘prank’ of yours and tell Li to leave the premises before [Y/N] arrives and sees another person,” Al Haitham demands, pointing at the door.
“Yeah, Li! You need to Li-ve (leave)!” Cyno says, crossing his arms over his chest.
Tighnari feels his eyes twitch and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Did you really need to crack a pun joke at a time like this?” Tighnari asks through clenched teeth.
While the men are arguing with one another, you approach the restaurant and hand the paper to the host of the restaurant. The host gives you a smile and guides you inside the restaurant. He ends up having you follow the trail of confetti and rose petals on the ground that leads to the grand hall where you and your boyfriends will be dining in for the evening, celebrating your accomplishment. 
You grab the gold door handle and pull the door open. You walk into the grand hall and stop in your tracks when you see the decorations. You’re about to approach your boyfriends, but your feet freeze to the ground when you see an unfamiliar face. Baizhu is the first to notice you; he nudges everyone and gestures in your direction.
“[Y/N]’s here. Don’t do anything stupid,” Baizhu mutters, giving Itto and Childe a small glare.
You slowly approach the group and the strange person. You point at them with shaky hands, hoping that you’re wrong about your assumption. 
“Who’s this?” You ask in a small voice. Your hands are trembling by your side; your heart is racing against your chest. The more you look at this person, the more you realize that this person is beautiful, making you feel mediocre compared to them.
“Windblume! This person is no—” the strange person cuts Venti off.
The person turns to look at you and struts up to you confidently, crossing their arms over their chest, looking at you from head to toe as if they’re sizing you up. They hold their hand out in front of them. “My name’s Li. I am these handsome men’s mistress. And who are you? I don’t recall hearing about you,” they said, the corners of their lips quirking up.
You look at Li with disbelief and at the men behind them. You look back at Li and press your lips into a thin line, tears slowly flooding your vision. You look away and clear your throat. The room around you is suddenly spinning, and you hear ringing in your ears.
You let out a bitter laugh, tears cascading down your cheeks. “I’m no one. I apologize for interrupting your date with your…. Lovers. It seems like I got the wrong room,” you look up at Li and at the men. “Please, continue your date. I shall leave now,” you choke. You bow at Li and the men stiffly before turning around and running out of the room.
“I’m going to beat your ass, Tartaglia,” Thoma growls.
Gorou whimpers softly, his shoulders shaking as he cries silently. “This was supposed to be the day where we celebrate [Y/N]’s achievement. It’s all ruined because of you three idiots,” Gorou growls, glaring at Childe, Itto, and Li, bearing his fangs at the three. 
“You idiots!” Diluc roars, grabbing Childe by the collar and slamming him down on the table.
Zhongli glares at Itto, his amber eyes glowing ominously, his hands clenched at his side. “You dare to break [Y/N]’s heart?” Zhongli growls. The ground below starts to rumble.
“When we find [Y/N] and return to the abode, you two idiots will apologize to [Y/N]. As for you,” Ayato turns to look at Li, who looks at Ayato with an amused look on their face, “you will not be getting a single mora from the stunt you have pulled. You’re disgraceful, and you disgust us,” Ayato spats.
After you had stormed out and left the restaurant, the men tried to search for you, hoping you would still be in the city. Unfortunately for them, you were nowhere to be found. They return to the abode with heavy hearts and regret chewing them inside and out. When they approach the front door of the main estate, the door swings open, revealing the four Harbingers carrying your suitcases in their hands. The men freeze, and the four Harbingers stare at the men blankly while Pierro shoots them a glare. If looks can kill, they would all be dead right now. 
Capitano turns around. “Are you ready?” Capitano asks, holding his hand out for you to take.
You walk up to Capitano, grab his hands and nod your head. You cling to his side, refusing to look the others in the eyes. After what had happened at the restaurant, you don’t think you can look at them the same ever again. 
“What’s with the suitcases?” Aether asks, pointing at the black and white suitcase in the Harbingers’ hands.
“I’m moving out. For now,” you reply. You let out a shaky breath and swallowed the lump in your throat.
“What?!” Xiao’s eyes widen. 
“Why are you moving out?” Heizou asks sadly.
You shrug your shoulders, wiping away the stray tear that made its way down your cheeks. “After what happened today, I don’t think I can stay in the same house as any of you. You all cheated on me and have completely broken my trust. I need space,” you whisper, balling your hands into tight fists until your nails break into your skin.
Childe quickly approaches you and grabs you by your shoulders. “It was a prank, [Y/N]. We never cheated on you. Itto and I paid Li to pretend to be our mistress to get back at you for all of the pranks you’ve pulled on us,” Childe says.
Your bottom lip quivers, and you look away from Childe. “Instead of asking me to stop, you decide to play a cheating prank on me?” You stare up at Childe; tears pools in your eyes and cascade down your cheeks. “Do you think that loyalty is a joke?” You whisper.
“What?! No! I-I don’t!” Childe exclaims, shaking his head.
You shake your head and push him away from you. “All of my pranks are harmless. I didn’t hurt anyone or cause emotional distress to any of you. This is what I get? On the day that was supposed to celebrate my accomplishment? Am I a joke to all of you?” You demand, looking at each man in the eyes while tears continue to pour out of your eyes. 
“Technically, it was Childe and Itto’s idea. None of us knew this was going to happen,” Scaramouche interjects, zapping Itto in the back with electricity, making the oni grunt in pain. 
Pierro places a hand on your shoulder. “Let’s go home and get you settled in. It’s getting late out,” Pierro says gently. You nod your head and begin walking away with the four Harbingers.
“[Y/N], wait,” Itto says, grabbing hold of your wrist.
You quickly turn around and slap Itto across the face; the sound of your hand meeting his cheek echos the silent air in the abode. Itto lets go of your wrist, placing his hand on his stinging cheek, looking at you in disbelief and heartbreak. Everyone lets out a collective gasp and stares at you and Itto in shock.
You wipe your tear-stained cheeks with the sleeves of your sweater. “Don’t touch me. None of you have the right to touch me after the stunt you all pulled,” you spat.
Dottore lets out an amused chuckle. “Congratulations on fucking up your relationship and the trust between all of you and [Y/N]. Now they don’t trust any of you, especially you two,” Dottore says, looking over at Childe and Itto.
“Let’s go home, sweetheart,” Pantalone murmurs, pulling you by your arm. 
You nod and continue walking to the Harbingers’ estate with Pierro, Capitano, Pantalone, and Dottore, leaving the men behind. After you and the four Harbingers have entered the Harbingers’ estate, the men turn to look at Itto and Childe, their jaws clenching and hands balled up into fists.
“Look at what you two have done. You two idiots broke [Y/N]’s heart and trust to the point where they cannot live under the same roof as us because of the stunt you two have pulled to get back at them for their harmless pranks,” Al Haitham scowls.
Venti’s bottom lip quivers. “Do you two ever think about how actions have consequences? Look at the outcome of your actions; [Y/N] is living with the Harbingers now because you two broke [Y/N]’s heart,” Venti glowers.
Thoma throws his hands up in frustration. “They’re not going to trust us ever again because of that stupid prank you two pulled. We didn’t want the prank to happen, but you two insisted on continuing the prank anyway, and look where it landed us all,” Thoma lectures Childe and Itto. 
Thoma shakes his head and rubs his temples with his index finger. 
“I’m going to put a restraining order on that Li person, so they never approach any of us ever again,” Tighnari states.
Without another word, Tighnari turns around and walks into the estate. The others soon follow after Tighnari in silence, glaring at Itto and Childe while walking past the two men. The estate feels empty, despite twenty-one people—well, twenty people now because you moved out temporarily— living under the same roof. The estate is quiet; no one dares to speak to one another, fearing they would blow up in each other’s faces and scream at one another. 
Gorou peeks his head into your dark bedroom. He flips the switch on, and the light illuminates your room. All of your things are still in your room; the plushies each man has given you, the small pictures that you hung up on the wall of you and the men, the love letters you have received from each man, stacked on your desk with a cute pink bow tying them all together in one big stack. The ones that have written you the most love letters are Diluc, Zhongli, and Ayato, but the other men have written you almost as many as the two did. Gorou presses his lips together, his lips trembling as he walks over to your bed.
Gorou lays on your bed and hugs your pillow to his chest, breathing in your shampoo and conditioner. Tears begin to roll down Gorou’s cheeks as he buries his face into your pillow, silently crying into the now tear-soaked pillow. 
Over at the Harbingers’ estate, you lay in your new bedroom, staring at the ceiling blankly. Your hair is still damp from your shower, you’re wearing the comfiest pajamas you own, and you are emotionally exhausted. You have cried out all of your tears, and there’s no way to squeeze out a single tear even if you tried. Your eyes are swollen, your heart is hurting, and you’re exhausted and hungry. When you stormed out of the restaurant, you bumped into the four Harbingers outside of Inazuma City. When you told them what happened, they were all furious and gladly took you back to the abode and helped you pack your things while consoling you. Unfortunately for them, you’re inconsolable and can’t stop crying. 
A quiet knock interrupts you from your thoughts. You turn your head to look at the door before turning on your side. The door cracks open, and the four Harbingers peek their heads into your new bedroom. You slowly sit up on your bed and hug your blanket to your chest, looking at them sadly.
“May we enter? It’s okay if you want to be alone,” Pierro says softly.
You nod your head and gesture for them to enter. Capitano opens the door wider and enters the room with the other men following behind him. Capitano has a tray of food in his hands, while the other three men have small gift boxes.
Capitano places the tray of food on your bed beside you. “I assume you didn’t get to eat anything at the restaurant the Kamisato heir have rented out. So, I have decided to make something for you to eat,” Capitano says, standing at the edge of your bed. 
You give Capitano a weak smile. “Thank you, Capitano. I really appreciate it,” you whisper.
“Do you want us to keep you company while you eat, or do you want to eat by yourself?” Dottore asks.
“I want company,” you murmur, reaching for the sandwich Capitano has made you. Your eyes trail over to the small gift boxes placed on your bed. You tilt your head and point at the boxes. “What are those?” You ask.
Pantalone sits in front of you and hands you the gift box in his hand. You grab the box and untie the ribbon sitting pretty on the box. You open the box and pull out a necklace and bracelet set that looks like it costs more than the two estates in the abode. You look at Pantalone with disbelief, then look back down at the jewelry in the small box.
“I know you don’t expect gifts from either of us, but we want to get you something for your achievement. We’re really proud of you, and we look forward to seeing you achieve many amazing things,” Pantalone says, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear with a smile on his face.
You feel your eyes water at Pantalone’s comment. You blink your tears away and let your gaze fall to your lap. Pantalone caresses your face in his hand and wipes the stray tear from your cheek with his thumb.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Capitano asks.
You shake your head, bow your head and let the tears fall. “I don’t even know what else to say other than my heart hurts a lot. I understand that my tricks are bothersome, but they never physically or emotionally hurt someone. What bothers me the most is how Childe and Itto decide to come up with a prank where everyone cheats on me with someone that is better than me. I don’t like how Itto and Childe see loyalty as a joke because what sick person thinks cheating pranks are funny?” You rant, reaching for the second sandwich and taking a bite.
“They’re fools for pulling a stunt like that. Please do not compare yourself to that Li person. They’re just a pathetic mora-hungry idiot like Childe and that oni,” Pierro says gruffly.
You nod your head and continue to finish up your sandwich. While eating your sandwich, Dottore and Pierro place the gifts on the porcelain white bedside table. The four men refused to leave your side until you finished your food and drank every last drop of your water. You’re grateful they did that because if they were to leave you alone, you would’ve stopped eating and just gone straight to bed instead of finishing your dinner. 
Before leaving your room with the food tray, each man presses a goodnight kiss on your forehead. Once you’re alone in your new bedroom, you’re alone with your thoughts. You don’t like being left alone with your thoughts— especially when you’re going through a tough time. You swallow your pride, take your blanket off and walk out of your bedroom to the closest bedroom near yours.
You stop in front of the bedroom door and knock on it lightly. You hear a faint “come in” coming from the inside of the bedroom. You grab the door handle and open the door, peeking your head into the room. Capitano walks out of the bathroom, his shirt unbuttoned and his belt unbuckled. You gulp and look away shyly. “Now’s not the time to be horny, dammit,” you curse yourself internally.
“Is there something I can do for you?” Capitano asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
You clear your throat and scratch the back of your neck shyly. “Is it okay if I sleep in your room tonight? I don’t like being left alone with my thoughts,” you said softly.
Capitano nods his head. “Of course. You’re always welcome to sleep in my bedroom whenever you want,” Capitano says.
You give Capitano a grateful smile and close the door behind you. You walk over to Capitano’s king-size bed and get under the covers, snuggling up against the large, fluffy pillows. Capitano disappears into his bathroom for a brief moment before coming out of the bathroom wearing his pajamas, a plain white t-shirt, and silk navy blue pajama pants. Capitano gets under the covers beside you; there’s a slightly large distance between the two of you.
You’re not entirely sure whether Capitano is the type to show affection or any physical touch because he doesn’t really show his emotions as much. Not that it’s bad, but also because if any of the four Harbingers got near you, despite also dating you, the men would hiss at the four Harbingers like a cat and swat at their hands.
You turn to your side and stare at Capitano, and he stares back at you (at least, you assume that’s what he’s doing). You open your mouth to say something but close your mouth and go back to lying on your back. You yawn and snuggle in Capitano’s blankets, closing your eyes. Capitano turns the lights off and settles down in his bed, closing his eyes. Somehow, overnight, you and Capitano gravitated towards each other and woke up the next day with you in his arms and your head on his chest while his arms were wrapped around your waist.
A few days have gone by, and you’re still not over the heartbreak you have experienced. Instead of going out to interact with the four Harbingers, you’re holed up in your temporary bedroom, lying on your bed and staring into space. When you’re not staring into space and wishing that the prank had never happened, you will take naps. Lots and lots of naps. It has gotten to the point where Pierro would send Dottore up to your room to check on your health and ensure that you didn’t fall ill.
Dottore presses the back of his hand against your forehead while you have a thermometer sticking out from your mouth. You’re always tired now, and you didn’t have the energy to get up from your bed and leave to get some sun outside the Harbingers’ estate. You didn’t even have the energy or motivation to continue your studies like you usually would back at the estate you used to reside in. Heck, you didn’t even visit the Akademiya to check on the progress of the academic journal being published. 
“How are you feeling?” Dottore asks, taking the thermometer out from your mouth to look at the numbers that are flashing on the small screen.
You shrug your shoulders. “I’m feeling fine, but I’m tired,” you reply, rubbing your eyes with your fist.
“Your temperature is normal, and you’re not feeling sick,” Dottore trails off, propping his hands on his hips while analyzing you closely. “You need to go outside and get some fresh air. We do have a botanical garden out in the back if you would like to spend a few minutes there,” Dottore says.
“I don’t know if I want to go outside and look at the flowers in the backyard. As much as I would love to, I don’t have the energy to get up and leave my bed,” you said softly. You lay back down on your bed and snuggle into your comforter.
“Then why not take a trip down to Inazuma City with me while I buy some ingredients for dinner tonight?” A voice pipes up. 
You and Dottore turn to look at the entrance to your bedroom. Pantalone leans against the doorway with his arms over his chest, smiling at you. Dottore snorts and shakes his head, making Pantalone narrow his eyes in response. Pantalone walks into your room and stops beside Dottore.
Dottore shakes his head. “I believe that [Y/N] can go out to Inazuma City and shop for the ingredients for dinner alone,” Dottore says.
“Go out into Inazuma City alone? I don’t know if I want to do that,” you said.
“Do what? Go out to Inazuma City alone or go out?” Pantalone asks, sitting on the edge of your bed.
“Both,” You deadpan. 
Dottore and Pantalone snort, trading looks with each other before turning to look at you. You deflate and begrudgingly get up from your bed and walk over to your closet to find a change of clothes to go out to Inazuma City to shop for ingredients. After grabbing your change of clothes, you realize that you haven’t taken a shower today. Even though you holed yourself up in your bedroom and lay in bed all day, that didn’t stop you from taking a shower because you can’t stand skipping showers, and it’s also how you relieve your stress; by taking a shower and crying in the shower.
“I’m going to take a quick shower, change into clothes, then I’ll go out,” you said.
You go to your dresser with your change of clothes in your hands and pull out your undergarments from the dresser before walking to the bathroom. Your shower ended up being almost fifteen minutes long because you were busy shedding a few tears while the water rained down on you. Since you’re out and about in Inazuma with a large bag of mora (courtesy of Pantalone himself), you’re in Inazuma City, weaving through a crowd of people while trying to find specific ingredients needed for dinner tonight. 
“Where in the world do I buy unagi meat?” You mutter to yourself, looking down at the list of ingredients Pierro handed to you before you left the abode. You let out a huff of breath and shake your head. “They made a big mistake by letting me be the one to buy groceries,” you said.
While looking at your surroundings, searching for a nearby market that sells unagi meat, you hear someone calling you from a distance. You furrow your eyebrows with confusion and try to search for the voice that is calling out to you.
Lumine emerges from the crowd and approaches you with a big smile on her face. “There you are! I’ve been trying to get your attention the minute you step foot into Inazuma City!” Lumine breathes, placing her hand on your shoulders.
Your eyes widen. “Oh, you were?!” 
Lumine nods her head. 
You laugh sheepishly and rub the back of your neck. “Sorry, I was focused on getting ingredients for Pierro that I didn’t hear you call my name. I’ve been trying to search for unagi meat, but so far, I’ve been unsuccessful,” you said, shoulders slumping.
Lumine blinks at you, surprised. “Pierro? I thought you were getting unagi meat for Thoma,” Lumine says, propping her right hand on her hip and tilting her head to the side.
Your smile slips off your face at the mention of Thoma. You clear your throat and look away from Lumine awkwardly while trying your best not to cry in front of Lumine and the passerby in Inazuma City. 
“I… haven’t been in contact with Thoma or the others for about a few days now,” you said. “I’m currently living with Dottore, Pantalone, Capitano, and Pierro.”
Lumine’s eyes widened after hearing your response. “What?! What happened? What did those idiots do!?” Lumine demands. She grabs ahold of your biceps and shakes you lightly. 
You shake your head and pinch the bridge of your nose. “I’ve been pranking the men for a few days. Instead of telling me to stop, Childe and Itto decided to prank me back by hiring someone to play the mistress. Their way to getting back at me is by pretending that everyone has cheated on me with the person Childe and Itto hired,” you reply, chewing on the inside of your lip.
Lumine stares at you for a moment, poking the inside of her cheek with her tongue. “I’m going to beat their asses,” Lumine states.
You shake your head. “No, don’t do it. It’s not worth it,” You said. “And the worst part is that they pulled this prank on the day we were supposed to celebrate my achievement in the Akademiya.”
“I’m going to beat their ass,” Lumine deadpans, tightening her grip on your biceps. “All of them. I don’t care if they’re a Harbinger, oni, archon, my brother, dumb ass number one and two. I’m beating all of their asses, and that goes the same for the person Itto and Childe have paid,” Lumine states.
You can see steam coming from Lumine’s ears as she releases you and clenches her hands into tight fists. You give Lumine a small smile and give her arm a comforting squeeze.
“Thank you, Lumine. I appreciate it,” you said softly.
Lumine sighs and wraps her arms around your shoulders, rubbing her cheek against yours. “Anything for you,” Lumine pouts, reaching for your cheek and giving your cheek a squeeze. 
You look over at Lumine. “What are you doing in Inazuma City, by the way?” You ask.
Lumine releases you from the hug and sighs. “I just met up with Ayaka at Komore Teahouse! I did see Thoma there, and he looked really dejected and looked like he hadn’t slept in days,” Lumine says.
“Good,” you huff like a petulant child. “I hope they’re all that way too.” You glare at the ground.
“Hey,” Lumine coos, cupping your face in her hands and tilting your face up to look at her. “Cheer up, lovebug. I want them to suffer just as much as you do, but cheer up and don’t let the thought of them get to you.” Lumine gives your cheek an endearing squeeze.
You sigh and melt into her hands, resting your forehead against hers. “I can’t help but feel really sad. I understand it was all a prank, but it was about cheating. Who jokes about cheating?!” You rant, pulling away from her grasp.
Lumine rolls her eyes. “Only idiots make jokes about cheating, lovebug.”
You look down at the list of ingredients in your hands. “Do you want to help me search for unagi meat and keep me company while I shop for ingredients?” You ask.
“I would love—” Lumine gets cut off by someone calling her name in the distance.
You and Lumine turn to look in the direction where the voice is coming from and see Sango approaching the both of you. Lumine sighs and looks over at you with a sympathetic smile as the brunette detective gets closer and closer. Sango stops in front of you and Lumine, breathing heavily.
“Lumine, can you help Ryuuji and me with this case? Heizou has yet to show up on the job and called in sick the other day, and we need your help,” Sango says, clasping her hands together while giving Lumine a pleading look.
Heizou called in sick? It’s not like him to call in sick or miss a day of work. How strange. 
Lumine gives Sango a fake smile and nods her head. “Yeah, sure! I don’t mind helping you and Ryuuji out with a case. I’ll be there in a moment; I just need to talk to my brother’s lover really quick,” Lumine says.
Sango perks up and nod before running off to where Ryuuji is waiting. Lumine sighs and rests her head on your shoulders, closing her eyes. You pat Lumine’s head and stroke her back.
“Don’t feel guilty for having to leave me to help out Ryuuji and Sango with a case. I didn’t really expect any company, but it would be nice to have one,” you said.
Lumine slowly pulls from you and sighs sadly. “I know, but you’re currently hurting, and I want to be there to help you with something, you know?” Lumine frowns.
“Lumine, seeing your face today makes my day a little bit brighter. I’m happy to see you again, and I hope we can hang out again soon!” You said, squeezing her hands.
“Right after I beat your boyfriends’ asses because it's what they deserve,” Lumine scowls, stomping her feet on the ground. Lumine’s eyes suddenly light up. “I have an idea!” Lumine gasps, tapping on your arms with a big smile on her face.
“And what is your idea?” You ask.
Lumine smirks and crosses her arms over her chest. “You prank them back!” Lumine answers. 
You shake your head. “No, absolutely not,” You reply.
Lumine looks at you in disbelief. “And why not?! This is the perfect time for revenge!” Lumine exclaims.
“Me pranking them is what landed us in this situation, Lumine. I don’t want to make it worse than it already is.” You run your fingers through your hair.
“I know, but think about it,” Lumine pleads.
You chuckle and shake your head. “We’ll talk about it later, Lumine. I don’t think I can continue to make Pierro, Dottore, Capitano, and Pantalone wait any longer for the dinner ingredients,” you said.
Lumine visibly deflates and nods. “Alright, alright. I’ll leave you to it,” Lumine says, patting the top of your head. 
You and Lumine give each other a hug before parting ways. You continue to search for different ingredients on the list, skipping over unagi meat. While you’re waiting in line to enter a market, something catches your eyes in your peripheral vision. You turn your head and don’t see anything, but for some reason, you feel compelled to enter Chinju Forest. 
You walk towards the forest, away from the civilians and the market. The paper in your hand slips from your grasp, landing in the water of Chinju Forest. You can hear whispers around you, coming from every direction, drowning out the sound of rushing waters and birds and crickets chirping. You continue to walk further into the forest until you’re walking over to the edge of the cliff and look down at the cliff blankly as if you’re in a trance. 
“Jump,” a voice whispers.
You shake your head, staring down at the rocks below. “I don’t want to jump,” you whisper back.
“This is the perfect way to get back at the ones that hurt you. Don’t you want to hurt them back as revenge?” The voice asks.
The voice sounds so close. It was like they were standing behind you, leaning close to your ears, trying to coax you to jump off the edge of the cliff. The voice giggles almost mockingly. You continue to stare at the rocks below you. The cliff's height is high, but not high enough to kill you.
“What are you afraid of? It’s not like they’ll be worried. After all, they did pull that prank on you and knew that it would hurt you,” the voice snickers.
You blink slowly, trying to come to your senses. “Yeah, you’re right. They did hurt me,” you gulp, feeling tears pool in your eyes. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to hurt myself over it to get back at them for the prank they pulled on me,” you stated.
You’re about to turn around, but your feet remain still. Your feet felt like it was glued to the ground, and you were unable to move from the spot. Everything happened so fast. The last things you remembered were hearing bloodcurdling screams in your ears, the wind whipping in your face, and the ground meeting your body. The last thing you felt was a sharp pain in your head, and you heard a sickening crack. When you wander off to Chinju Forest, you fail to notice Lumine following you to see where you’re going.
“[Y/N]!!!!!!!” You hear Lumine’s screech.
Lumine’s eyes are blurred with tears; she runs to the teapot with you in her arms. She runs past the people of Inazuma as they stare in horror. Her body is wracking with sobs as she holds you close to her chest, her white dress turning reddish-brown from the blood that oozes from the crack in your skull. You hit your head hard. No. You didn’t hit your head at all; you cracked your skull open from the great height.
Lumine doesn’t know what made you wander off to Chinju Forest and what led you to jump off the cliff. All Lumine know is that she needs to get you to the abode soon and get you treated, or else you will die. Lumine doesn’t want you to die, especially in her arms. If you do die, she won’t be able to handle your death, nor will she be able to cope with it. 
When Lumine successfully teleports the two of you to the abode, she collapses on the ground, and her cries echo the abode, alerting the inhabitants. Everyone rushes out from their respective homes and over to where Lumine is kneeling. Lumine’s right hand is clutching onto your head, covered in your blood as fresh blood continues to ooze out from your head.
“Please, please, please save them,” Lumine begs, her body wracking with sobs.
Dottore pushes through the crowd of men and takes you out of Lumine’s grasp. Dottore rushes you to the Harbingers’ Estate with Albedo, Baizhu, and Tighnari following behind. Everyone looked like they saw a ghost; the colors drained from their faces as they watched Dottore carry you away. They catch a glimpse of your face; your eyes are barely open, your body is limp, your blood covering your face, and you’re almost as white as a ghost.
“I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t get them to snap out of it, and they just jumped,” Lumine cries, curling up into a ball, her hands covering her face.
Dainsleif takes a step forward. “What do you mean you couldn’t stop them?” Dainsleif demands. 
Lumine ignores Dainsleif and continues to let out anguish cries, pulling at her blonde hair, tainting them with your blood.
Aether walks to Lumine, pulls her up from the ground, and shakes Lumine by her shoulders. “Lumine! Get a hold of yourself!” Aether screams over Lumine’s cry. 
Angrily, Lumine shoves Aether away from her and wipes her tears with her sleeves. “[Y/N] wouldn’t be in this situation if none of you played that cruel prank on them!” Lumine screams, glaring at each person with fury in her eyes. Her bottom lips quiver and she shakes her head as fresh tears make their way down her cheeks. “How can you guys be so cruel to [Y/N]? What did they do to deserve this?” Lumine whispers.
“Let’s all take a deep breath and relax,” Gorou says nervously, his hands trembling as he tries to remain calm after seeing the current state you’re in.
Lumine shakes her head and points at the group of men in front of her, glaring at them through her tears. “I had to witness [Y/N] jumping off the cliff in Chinju Forest and hearing their skull crack open. How can I remain calm after I have witnessed [Y/N] trying to take their own life?!” Lumine screeches. 
“Why were they in Chinju Forest?” Kaeya demands.
Lumine wipes her tears and shrugs her shoulders. “[Y/N] was in Inazuma City shopping for ingredients for dinner. I don’t know what lured them into Chinju Forest, but I tried to get their attention, but I-I guess they didn’t hear me,” Lumine sniffles.
“What do we do now?” Kaveh asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
Cyno shrugs his shoulders. “All we can do is wait,” Cyno replies.
Everyone ends up waiting in the living room of the Harbingers’ estate. Lumine did not want to leave the abode to change into clean clothes; she was afraid to leave your side. If Lumine were to leave the abode, what would happen if something happened to you while she was gone? Just like how she left you to help out Sango, only for you to plummet to your death.
Tighnari stares down at Lumine with disapproval, his nose scrunching up with disgust when he gets a whiff of your dried blood on Lumine. “Please go take a shower. I’m sure [Y/N] wouldn’t mind lending you some clothes while you’re here,” Tighnari says, propping his hands on his hips.
Lumine shakes her head. “I don’t want to leave their side like how you all left their side,” Lumine spats, catching the others off guard. “I can’t lose them; I can’t.” Lumine whispers.
“[Y/N] is going to be okay. I’m sure that whenever [Y/N] is awake, they don’t want to see their blood on your clothes,” Kazuha says.
Lumine sighs in defeat and gets up from her spot. Tighnari hands Lumine a pair of your clothes for her to wear temporarily, and she goes to the guest bathroom to take a quick shower. While Lumine is in the shower, Pierro walks up to Albedo.
“How are they doing?” Pierro asks.
Albedo sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “They’re in critical condition. It will be a miracle if they’re able to survive this injury. The crack in their skull is bigger than we have anticipated. Dottore and Doctor Baizhu are working to make sure everything is fine and for [Y/N] to have a smooth recovery,” Albedo says.
When Lumine finished her shower and emerged from the bathroom in your clothes, Lumine was disappointed to see that you’re still getting operated on. Lumine tried to take a long shower, hoping that it would pass some time and that your surgery would be finished soon. Unfortunately, her fear of something happening to you while she’s away got to her, causing her to rush. 
“This is taking way too long for my liking,” Lumine mutters, shaking her head.
“They’re operating on [Y/N]’s skull, Lumine. Operations like this take time; we can’t rush things like this,” Al Haitham deadpans.
Lumine rolls her eyes. “I don’t understand how [Y/N] could be with any of you. You all lack emotions, and it’s like dating a brick wall,” Lumine huffs. She crosses her arms over her chest and mumbles, “They should’ve chosen me instead. I wouldn’t do this to them or put them in this situation.” 
Gorou looked up and nudged Aether, gesturing to Lumine, who ignored everyone’s gaze. “Can you repeat that for us?” Gorou asks, straightening up.
Lumine rolls her eyes. “No. None of you deserve to hear what I have to say. You all should’ve seen [Y/N] when I saw them in Inazuma City. They’re frustrated and heartbroken because of all of you,” Lumine says, glaring at the men. “When [Y/N] recovers from the injury, I’m taking [Y/N] away from all of you,” Lumine states.
Ayato exhales through his nose. “Do you think [Y/N] is willing to go with you?” Ayato asks.
“Yes. As long as they’re far away from the people that hurt them, I’m sure they’ll be fine with me,” Lumine smirks.
Itto makes a “hmph!” sound and crosses his arms over his chest. “If [Y/N] would choose you, they would’ve done it in the first place. But guess what? They chose us instead,” Itto says.
Lumine laughs sarcastically and shakes her head. “Oh, Itto. Do you really think that [Y/N] would want to see your and Childe’s face after the stunt you two have pulled? Do you not recall their heart being broken by your ‘harmless’ prank?” Lumine questions.
“Alright, that’s enough. Let’s stop bickering,” Cyno speaks up, giving Lumine a look.
Lumine rolls her eyes and leans against the wall, her arms over her chest, tapping on her biceps with her index finger. When Lumine first arrives at the abode with your lifeless body in her arms, she looks distraught and heartbroken, but now, she looks visibly pissed and is ready to attack the first thing her eyes land on. Everyone knew how close you and Lumine are with each other; you two are practically soul mates, but platonically. The men didn’t seem to care about your and Lumine’s close friendship, but after what has happened today, it’s starting to make the men have second thoughts. 
Kaveh raises his hand, grabbing Lumine’s attention. “We intend on speaking to [Y/N] about their excessive pranks, but the two idiots over there,” Kaveh points at Itto and Childe, “insisted on pranking [Y/N] back. We were completely unaware of what prank they had in mind. If you want to place the blame on someone, put it on those two idiots because none of us had agreed to a cheating prank on [Y/N]. Especially on the day when we celebrate their achievement,” Kaveh explains.
“Right, because who makes a joke about cheating? Only someone messed up would do that,” Scaramouche scowls, his head snapping in Itto and Childe’s direction. 
“We’ll apologize to [Y/N] when we see them, alright? Just cut us some slack,” Childe sighs, running his hands through his messy hair.
“That’s if [Y/N] even wants to see us. After all, the prank hurt them so much that they moved out of the estate and didn’t contact us for a few days,” Diluc sighs, shaking his head.
Xiao closes his head and rests his head against the wall behind him. “Once we have been informed that [Y/N] is in stable conditions, I’m going to beat Itto and Childe’s ass for the stunt they pulled,” Xiao mutters.
“Count me in,” said Kaeya, cracking his knuckles.
Dainsleif nods. “I’ll help,” Dainsleif interjects.
Another few hours went by, and it was excruciating. The only time each person would leave the hallway would be for bathroom breaks or to get something to eat. The silence is deafening, and the tensions are high. The sun is setting, and everyone is on the verge of falling asleep. Their heads lean up against the wall, and some are slumping down on the ground, trying not to fall asleep. Lumine closes her eyes and rests her head near the doorframe of the room you, Dottore, Albedo, Tighnari, and Baizhu are in.
The door flies open, grabbing everyone’s attention. Baizhu walks through the door and runs his fingers through his hair, sighing. Baizhu looks exhausted and tense. Baizhu looks up, and his eyes almost widen after seeing over twenty people crowding in the hallway.
“I see you’re all waiting for the news of [Y/N]’s condition,” Baizhu says.
Venti pushes himself off the wall and approaches Baizhu slowly. “How’s [Y/N] doing? Any updates?” Venti asks. 
“[Y/N] fractured their skull; it was severe. I’m not entirely sure how far they fell, but if Lumine didn’t bring them to the abode on time, we would’ve lost [Y/N],” Baizhu explains. 
Dottore walks out with a clipboard and looks at everyone blankly. “While [Y/N] is in stable conditions, they have a traumatic brain injury. We do not know how else this will affect [Y/N] because they’re currently unconscious. We will have to wait for them to wake up and see how detrimental this injury is,” Dottore says, flipping through the paper on the clipboard. 
“Can we go inside and visit them?” Thoma speaks up from the end of the hallway.
Albedo opens the door wide. “Please sanitize your hands at the door upon entering the room,” Albedo instructs.
One by one, each person sanitizes their hands before entering the room. The sound of a heart monitor beeping, tons of machines are taking up space. The room is dark yet illuminated with a lamp in the corner of the room. There you lay on the bed in the infirmary of the Harbingers’ estate. Your head is wrapped with bandages, lots and lots of bandages. Dottore, Albedo, Baizhu, and Tighnari cleaned the blood off your face, letting the others see the scrapes and cuts littering your skin. You’re attached to a bunch of wires, many of which are helping you stay alive until your body is able to function on its own without any assistance. 
Lumine steps forward and stands beside your bed, slowly reaching for your hand and placing her hand on top of yours. Your hands feel cold; she can barely see your chest rise and fall. Lumine bites down on her lips to hold back her tears. She swallows the lump in her throat and sits on the chair next to your bed. Lumine holds onto your hand as if they’re her lifeline.
“Do we know how long it’ll take for [Y/N] to regain their consciousness?” Heizou speaks up quietly.
Tighnari shakes his head. “We don’t know. [Y/N] will regain consciousness when their body says so. They’re not in a coma; their body is responding to their surroundings just fine. They need rest in order for their body to heal. The most important thing that needs to heal is their skull, more importantly, their brain,” Tighnari answers. 
“Great, more waiting games,” Kazuha mutters, standing at the foot of the bed.
“I’m sure we can all wait for [Y/N] to regain their consciousness. After all, it’s up to their body to decide when it’s a good time to wake up. They have no control over it, and we can’t nor should we force them to wake up,” Zhongli says.
Gorou sniffles and nods. “Right, we can wait a little longer,” Gorou says weakly, his bottom lip trembling.
And so, the waiting game begins again. From day one to the day you finally regained consciousness (which is a few days after your surgery), people would take turns visiting you. However, the visiting time is limited because of how small the room is and because there are a lot of people wanting to be able to see you before the day ends. While the men refuse to leave your side, they know they have priorities to tend to, and if they were to skip out on it like the past few days, you would be disappointed with them.
Each morning before the men leave for work or a meeting, the men will stop by to visit you and kiss the top of your head gently before leaving. The one that tries to stay by your side the most is Lumine, but Aether would drag her out of your room to help him with his commissions and the people of Teyvat. 
Gifts are dropped off in your room, almost taking up the majority of the remaining space in the room you’re residing in. So, Capitano and Pantalone move the gifts and “get well soon” cards to your temporary bedroom at the Harbingers’ estate. 
The sound of beeping brings you out of your unconscious state. Your eyelids felt like it was glued shut, making it complicated for you to open your eyes. You furrow your eyebrows and force your eyelids open. Your vision is blurry as you try to take in your surroundings. You lift your hand to rub the drowsiness from your eyes, but your arms feel heavy. 
“They’re awake; they’re awake!” You hear someone scream from a distance.
You groan and wince at the scream. Loud footsteps approach the room you’re in, and you look up to see a large group of people crowding into the room. You rub your eyes with your weak hands, and your visions clear up.
“How are you feeling?” The light blonde-haired man with teal eyes asks, standing next to your bed as he starts to analyze you.
You swallow your dry throat and gesture toward the glass cup behind him. He turns around and grabs the cup, handing it to you. You lift the cup to your face with shaky hands and take huge gulps of water, quenching your thirst. You hand the cup back to the man next to your bed and rub your throat subconsciously. 
“My head hurts, and my limbs feel really heavy,” You reply.
“We will be giving you medication and monitoring your skull as we keep you in the infirmary. We do not know how your body is going to react to the head injury after you have regained your consciousness, so it’s best we keep you here for the next two days,” the masked man says.
You look at everyone around the room quizzically. “How long have I been unconscious?” You ask.
“Almost a week, but it feels like a month to the rest of us,” The tall blond man says. 
You blink and realize that there’s more than one tall blond man. Your mind has yet to register the number of people in one room, and they’re all here to see you. The blonde girl pushes forward and looks at you in relief, her eyes brimming with tears as she stands next to you, grabbing your hand and squeezing them.
“[Y/N], you have no idea how worried I am about you! I’m so glad you’re okay,” she cries, pulling you into a hug.
You awkwardly pat the blonde girl’s back and look at everyone quizzically. The girl pulls away from your arms and wipes her tears away, giving you a tearful smile. You gingerly reach up and wipe the fresh tears from her face.
“How are you really feeling?” She whispers.
“I’m okay, but I do have a question,” You reply, lightly scratching your arm.
The redhead looks at you curiously. “And what’s your question? I’m sure we all have answers for you,” said the redhead.
You nod and open your mouth hesitantly. “Who are you guys?” You ask.
Scaramouche looks at everyone with wide eyes, his eyebrows shooting to his hairline. Suddenly it got worse than everyone had anticipated, but you losing your memory isn’t something Baizhu, Dottore, Tighnari, and Albedo aren’t shocked about. You did crack your skull open and had a traumatic brain injury. Something was bound to go wrong and you losing your memory is one of them.
“This is temporary, right?” Ayato asks, looking at Baizhu worriedly.
Baizhu sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “That, I do not know,” Baizhu answers.
“Amnesia can be permanent, but in [Y/N]’s case, we do not know. It can last a short amount of time, or it can be permanent,” Tighnari interjects, walking over to you and sitting in front of you. “We will be doing a simple check up on you to ensure you’re okay. While you did lose your memories, we are going to see how much you still remember,” Tighnari informs you.
You nod and hold up your index finger. “Before we do the check-up, can everyone please re-introduce yourselves? I don’t want to call any of you by your hair colors or by the facial expression you’re making,” you said.
Each person in the room starts to re-introduce themselves to you. It felt weird because when you first arrived at Teyvat, you already knew who they were and didn’t need to make introductions other than introducing yourself to them. Of course, with the people being newly added to the harem because you’re a magnet, they were the ones that needed to introduce themselves to you and the others of the harem.
“Now that we have gotten that out of the way, shall we start on the check-up now?” Albedo asks.
You nod and let Dottore, Baizhu, Albedo, and Tighnari perform basic checkups on you. They checked your pupil dilation, made sure you’re still able to walk without complications, etc. You passed the test with flying colors.
When it came to the test regarding your memory, you lost every memory you had made on Teyvat. You still have your memories, but only the memories of the events before you’re transported into Genshin Impact. Even though you played Genshin Impact in your world prior to you being sucked into the game you’re obsessed with, it was weird how you don’t know their names, and everyone started to question how it was even possible. 
“Do I really have to stay in here for the next two days? I feel fine,” you said.
Thoma places the tray of food on your lap and nods his head. “Doctors orders, [Y/N]. As much as I want you to return to the estate, it’s best for you to remain here until you’re discharged from the infirmary,” Thoma says. 
You take a bite out of the Inazuman dish and stare at the blanket on your lap. “How long have I been in Teyvat for?” You ask, looking up at the men in your room.
Lumine sits next to you as you’re eating the dish while waiting for someone to reply to you. “You had an amazing life in Teyvat. You’re an Akademiya student, and a few weeks ago, you had a big achievement! We all care about you, and you mean the world to us,” Lumine says, placing her hand over yours and interlocking her fingers with yours.
You blink at Lumine, look down at your interlocked hands, and at the men behind Thoma. The men’s eyes are zeroed in on your and Lumine’s hands as if they’re trying to burn holes into both of your hands. “Do I have a lover?” You ask.
“Lovers,” Kaveh says, giving you a fake smile.
You look at them with wide eyes. “LoverS? Like, more than one?!” You squeaked.
While your attention is away from Lumine, Lumine looks at the men and shoots them a glare, leaning onto you. The men are caught off guard by the look Lumine is giving them. Lumine gently cups your face in her hands and turns your head toward her direction. 
You notice the sad look on Lumine’s face. “What’s wrong, Lumine?” You ask, reaching for your napkin, but she takes it from your hands and lightly wipes your mouth with the napkin.
“I don’t like your lovers. They hurt you and seeing you heartbroken breaks my heart,” Lumine whispers, resting her head on your shoulder while snuggling up to you.
“Hey! Keep your hands off our significant other!” Itto hisses, glaring at Lumine.
Lumine glares at Itto and continues to press herself up against you, sticking her tongue out at the men in front of you and Lumine. You look at Lumine confused and decide not to question it and continue to eat your food. 
After that day, Lumine has made it her goal to spend more time with you and snatch you away from the men. Yes, it’s childish, but can you really blame Lumine for that? Because of them (specifically Childe and Itto), your heart was broken, and you were inconsolable, according to the four Harbingers. The four Harbingers watch the tug of war happen between the men and Lumine with amusement. 
This went on for the next two days. Lumine did not leave your side. Every time you eat or need something, Lumine will do it for you. If any man tries to offer to do something for you, Lumine is already out the door doing it for you. Of course, she allows the men to speak to you and look at you. What she doesn’t allow is them getting near you. Lumine isn’t too worried about the four Harbingers because she knows they’re getting entertainment out of the situation. They didn’t interfere with the little tug-of-war between Lumine and the men with you in the middle of it all. The only time when they have to intervene is if it inflicts harm on you. Like a headache because of the constant bickering between Lumine and the twenty-one men while you’re in the middle of the entire ordeal.
A few days after you have been discharged from the infirmary at the Harbingers’ estate, you and Lumine are outside enjoying the sunlight while conversing with each other. Then there are the men, who are spying on you and Lumine behind the thick flower bushes.
“Do you guys see how Lumine is trying to take [Y/N] away from us?! Lumine needs to stay in her lane and not be a homewrecker,” Aether huffs, crossing his arms over his chest and watching you and Lumine from behind the bush while you and Lumine are sitting in the botanical gardens.
“Well, yeah! It’s obvious that Lumine is trying to take [Y/N] from us,” Venti whispers loudly.
“Since when was Lumine interested in [Y/N]?” Dainsleif mutters.
“I have no idea, but we should move a little closer to them so we can hear what they’re saying,” Heizou whispers.
Each man gets up from their hiding spots and starts to tiptoe closer to where you and Lumine are sitting. You look at the flowers in the garden, taking a whiff of the floral scent that wafts around you and Lumine. While you’re admiring the flowers around you, Lumine props her arms on her thighs and admires you.
“If you don’t mind me asking,” Lumine speaks up, grabbing your attention. 
You turn to look at Lumine curiously.
“In your world, did you have any relationships?” Lumine asks.
You hum and nod your head. “I only dated one person in my entire life. The other people that I talked to in the past are all failed talking phases,” you reply.
“What are they like?”
You nibble on your bottom lip and scoff. “Awful. I wasted four years with them; they lied to me about everything and used me for their wants and needs. I poured my heart into the relationship, only to end up being hurt in the end,” You press your lips into a thin line and sigh. 
“Sounds like your present relationship if you ask me,” Lumine mutters under her breath.
Tighnari and Gorou are the ones that catch onto what Lumine said and shoot a glare in her direction behind the bushes. How dare she compare your past relationship with your current relationship! They treat you way better than your past significant other.
“How could Lumine say that? Our relationship with [Y/N] is completely different from their past relationship,” Gorou mumbles, his ears flattened on his head.
Scaramouche nudges Gorou with his elbows and gestures for Gorou to keep his voice down. “If you talk any louder, Lumine and [Y/N] will know that we’re here,” Scaramouche whispers. 
You sigh wistfully and hunch forward. “I thought I finally found the one. I was so happy when I first dated them, but as time went by, I slowly realized that they never cared about me,” you said softly.
“Why did you stay with them for that long?” Lumine whispers.
You laugh bitterly and roll your eyes. “Because I’m stupid and desperate for someone to love and care about me as much as I do for them,” you answer. “After all, it was my first relationship, so I don’t even know what I was getting myself into.”
Lumine loops her arms around yours and rests her head on your shoulders. “People don’t deserve you. You know that, right?” Lumine asks softly, her blonde hair tickling your cheeks. “You’re an amazing person; you light up the dark, gloomy world. When you step into a room, people are in awe of your presence,” Lumine murmurs, slotting her fingers in between yours.
You snort. “If I’m so amazing, then how come I end up wasting the four years of my life on this one person that didn’t care about me at all?” You ask.
Lumine chews on the inside of her cheek and sighs. “It’s not you that’s the issue, lovebug. It’s them,” Lumine states.
Xiao’s eyes widen, and he looks over at the other men. “Lovebug?!” Xiao whispers loudly. The men give Xiao a look, and they gesture for Xiao to be quiet.
“Huh. Interesting. Since when did Lumine give [Y/N] a nickname?” Diluc raises his eyebrows. He crosses his arms over his chest.
“You told me about what happened before I lost my memories. The pranks, my heartbreak, me plummeting to my death….” you trailed off. 
Lumine lets out a shaky breath and nods. “Seeing you jump to your death and you dying in my arms is hard on me. I thought I was going to lose you if I didn’t get help immediately,” Lumine whispers, her eyes blurring with tears.
“How many times have I almost died?” You ask.
Lumine snorts and shrugs her shoulders, rolling her eyes. “Too many times, that’s for sure. I think we might have to put you under house arrest to prevent you from experiencing multiple deaths and near-death experiences,” Lumine says, wiping her tears away.
“Yeah, good luck with that, princess,” you snort.
Lumine glares at you playfully and nudges you with her shoulders. You laugh and nudge her back. You lay your cheek on Lumine’s head, closing your eyes. Lumine clears her throat, the apples of her cheeks turning crimson red.
“I like it when you call me princess,” Lumine whispers.
Your eyes widen, and you look down at Lumine, who is staring up at you with stars in her eyes. You feel your cheeks heat up, and you scratch your neck shyly. You clear your throat and look away.
“You do?” You ask.
Lumine nods her head. “Yeah, I do.”
“I can’t watch this any longer,” Kazuha says, tossing the leaf away and getting up from his spot.
Kaeya jumps out from his hiding spot and walks over to you and Lumine. Kaeya pushes between you and Lumine, sitting between the two of you, and drapes his arms over your shoulders.
“How’s your head feeling, bunny?” Kaeya asks, twirling a piece of your hair around his index finger.
You touch the area of the stitch and give him a small smile. “My head’s feeling okay. There is a small throb here and there, but Dottore is making sure that I take pain medications if I feel any aches and pains,” you said. 
“Phew! That’s good to hear! I was worried that your head is still hurting from the fall and injury,” Venti says, sitting next to you, sandwiching you between him and Kaeya.
You shrug your shoulders. “It’s kind of hurting still, but not as often.” You let out a yawn and covered your mouth with your hand.
“Time for bed, I’m assuming?” Al Haitham says, walking up to you from the bushes.
You blink at Al Haitham and point at his head. “Is that a leaf in your hair?” You ask. You get up from your seat between Kaeya and Venti and pluck a leaf from Al Haitham’s hair, showing it to him before letting it fly away in the wind.
“It is getting late. I believe we should all head back inside and get some rest,” Cyno speaks up.
Kaveh walks up to you and stares down at you while you stare up at him owlishly. “Are you going to be sleeping at the Harbingers’ estate this time, or are you going to be sleeping at home with the rest of us?” Kaveh asks.
You shrug your shoulders. “I’m not sure. Where was I staying before I lost my memory?” You ask.
“You lived with us but decided to move out and reside at the Harbingers’ estate temporarily,” Zhongli speaks up, walking up to you with his arms over his chest. “Please, come home. We miss you, and we miss seeing you at the estate. I miss you,” Zhongli pleads softly. He grabs both of your hands and squeezes them gently.
You sigh and shrug your shoulders. “I miss living with you guys too, but after the prank that Childe and Itto pulled on me, I don’t know,” you whisper.
“You don’t know?” Dainsleif looks at you quizzically.
You take a deep breath and exhale through your nose. “Did Childe and Itto ever apologize for pulling that stunt on me? Especially on the day of my celebration? The day when we’re all supposed to celebrate my achievements in the Akademiya?” You ask. “I didn’t show up to the restaurant in Inazuma looking cute for all of you to get my heart ripped out of my chest,” you said.
“Wait a minute,” Diluc does a double take. “We never told you any of this. I don’t think Lumine mentioned anything about your achievement in the Akademiya,” Diluc says.
“Did you just get your memory back just now?!” Gorou squeaks, his eyes widening and ears perking up.
You blink at the men and over at Lumine, who shrugs her shoulders. “I guess? I never lost my memory before, so I think I did?” You ask, scratching your head. Your fingernail accidentally grazes the stitch, making you groan and wince in pain. “I shouldn’t have done that,” you mutter.
Childe and Itto walk up to you and get on both knees and bow, pressing their forehead on the grass. 
“I’m sorry for pulling that prank on you, [Y/N]. The others have tried to convince us not to do it, but I insisted on doing it anyway, not thinking about how my actions have consequences,” Childe says.
Itto nods his head. “We’re very sorry, [Y/N]. We broke your heart on your special day; we played a cruel prank on you, made you cry, and didn’t think about your feelings when Childe and I planned it out. All we wanted to do was to get back at you for the pranks you have pulled on us, and it led us to where we are now,” Itto says.
“My pranks were harmless,” you whisper, thinking back to a few weeks ago when it all had begun. “Please, just speak to me next time instead of doing something that’s even crueler,” you plead.
Itto and Childe get off the ground and nod their heads, giving you puppy dog eyes. You sigh and give both Itto and Childe a hug, squeezing them lightly while rubbing their backs. Itto and Childe rest their chin on your shoulders, look up at Lumine and stick their tongues out at the blonde girl. Lumine glares at Childe and Itto and crosses her arms over her chest. So much for trying to have you for herself, but at least Childe and Itto know that actions have consequences. Later that evening, after moving your things back to the main estate, you’re showered with love and affection from your beloved boyfriends. Even though you’re still a tiny bit upset with what happened prior, it’s best for you to forgive and forget. I mean, that pretty much did happen, didn’t it?
Note: Not the kind of ending I was hoping for, tbh 🤔 I honestly don't have a specific ending in mind. I had never lost my memory before, so I winged it and decided to make the reader gain their memory back randomly. This went on a different route than what the requester wanted, but I think it turned out pretty decent! For those who want to be on my new taglist, here is the link to the taglist [Genshinluvr Updated Taglist Form]! Please make sure that you allow people to mention you/tag you in posts, or else I won't be able to tag you in any future fanfics! Anyway, for those who are new here or are returning readers, I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!
Taglist for my Isekai'd!Reader one-shot series and my overall taglist: @alhaitham-scribe, @kazuhasmuse, @chirikoheina, @yoru-trash, @kaoyamamegami, @kwelibeeery, @yumakj, @deartoru, @luminarymoonlight, @toobytub, @ins4nebish, @bokuto-kinnie, @honeybedo, @exhaustedcommunist, @jadedist, @mompt2, @living-my-best-life5 (If your name has been crossed out, it means that your account did not show up when I try to tag your account. Please make sure to allow people to mention you and tag you in posts)
Read more of my works on my Masterlist | Maybe support me by tipping me on Ko-Fi or by reblogging my fanfics! ^^ I will also be posting exclusive fanfics on Ko-Fi as well very soon! You can also tip me on Tumblr if you'd like as a way to show support! ^^
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echobx · 2 months
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saw this ask game and decided to answer all so you guys can get to know me better
1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?
it depends. I usually have my multi-chapterdd fics already done before posting them, so in my head they are stored as one shots. I know, weird. anyway...
I think oneshots are easier for me bc it's all fix and I don't get the urge to want to go back and change things. but I'm trying out the chaptered way with Timeloop and I can fix him (no really I can) and we'll see how I like it... but I'm only doing it like that bc idk how long they'll be and I wanted to post something and not wait months for them to be done before I post it all.
so maybe one-shots when it comes to [tumblr]
2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?
I usually write as I go. I have a few points that I have to get to but I let it flow, let the characters choose their path to make it feel more natural when things go down.
3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic
I usually have something in my head that needs to happen and then I sit down when I feel like I'll be able to write it and just try.
I don't always look for playlists but sometimes it helps to listen to my sex playlist for smut or my falling in love playlist for slowburns or something.
I mostly just let inspiration hit me ig, idk how to explain it 😭
4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?
songs, tv shows, movies, other written work (books or stuff I read on here) my dreams... anything really. a lot of times it's just daydreaming.
5. Do you like constructive criticism?
yes, I love it, I get way too little of it.
as long as you are being respectful please tell me off lol, especially when it comes to grammar and sentence structures bc I'm not native in English and I'll be happy to learn and change things when you tell ne that something is wrong.
6. Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?
I tried beta-ing one of my fics with my friends, but life gets in the way and they didn't have much time to read and give me feedback, so I decided to not do it for whole fics anymore and just sporadically
7. How do you choose which POV to write from?
ig that fully depends on how the scene feels to me. I once got halfway in a chapter and had to rewrite the whole thing bc I realized it didn't make much sense to tell it from that pov and not the other. and now it feels so much more natural than before. but that is just as much trial and error at times as everything else.
8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?
i don't really have a preference there. for some fics I can very clearly see the middle, but not the end or beginning, for others I see the start and end but not the in between and it gets a bit messy on the way. but all in all I'd say I'm just happy to be allowed to be there as these stories play in my head and that I get to write them down is even better.
9. Do you comment on stories you read?
yes, usually on ao3 on tumblr if I like it enough I'll reblog it, if I love it I reblog with comments or tags, that depends on my daily mood tho.
10. Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up
“What?” I cleared my throat and blinked a few times to get my mind cleared up.
aaaaah I love the scene this is from, also had to used blinked cause I usually write in past tense unless it's tumblr...
11. Link your three favorite fics right now
Safety Net by @mvybanks
The Blue by @quin-ns
Watch and Learn by @nadvs
12. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?
a good feedback makes my day, literally
not getting any or getting barely any likes and no reblogs on my work, especially when it's something I've worked hard on, it's devastating really. I wish there was more appreciation for it, but I can't do much about it either.
13. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?
writer's block isn't really an issue to me anymore. when I have time to write but my mind blocks I'll just start writing anything and when it's shit I put it to the side and write something else or if I'm working on a chapter and it won't flow I go into a new document and try and write the chapter again from scratch and see how it goes. always in a new doc tho when I do that so I don't use anything I've written.
14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?
okay, I write them, especially sad ones, when I myself am already sad af so I can exactly describe the bodily bs that happens to me when I'm sad
I do feel how they feel, especially when I later go to edit it, and then I have to take a break bc I'll start crying again lol
I mostly draw from personal experience when it gets to emotions, especially sad ones, bc it's just easier ig. it's waaay easier for me to write angst and hurt/comfort than anything else bc most of my life has been filled with those rather than fluff or even smut (idk how I write that, bc there's no experience there...)
15. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?
I try my best to keep it visually accurate, like, so you can try and imagine it bc I hate when I read something and go "wait, how did they end up here?" yk? and I think it should have some sort of realism to it. but I can't really be 100% accurate bc I only know my own body and whatever I've seen online. I don't trust porn obvs bc it's not really reliable when it comes to normal sizes and shit (iykwim) but it does help with figuring out some of the positions. that's literally the only reason I look at it too, for research purposes 💀
16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?
2 that are being posted (timeloop and icfhnric)
15 that are just ideas (listen, my head never stands still)
1 that is like my heart child, and I'm scared to let it go but I will eventually
17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)
a complete lack of inspiration hasn't really happened to me yet, and I'm scared of the day it will. what I do have issues with is the type of writers block where I wanna write but my head feels too overwhelmed or too tired to process any thoughts so I'll see the fic in my head but my brain won't let me form sentences to put it on the screen. I've yet to figure out how to deal with that.
18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?
song inspired ones are always named after the song, so that's easy
anything else is either a good line that I discovered while writing or a quick quip that I came up with, most times during the end of it.
I still don't have proper titles for my Lovebirds fic, I have one for the second installment of it, but the other three are still only under their working title and I don't know if I'll even give the first one a title or if it'll just be "Before Lovebirds" which is bs and I hate it but idk what else to name it... (although that part has been done for months now)
19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?
smut... lol I haven't used any funny tags yet
20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?
I use "just" way too much. and I keep starting sentences with And a lot. and I feel like once I find a bew word I'll keep using it until my brain grows bored of it.
21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?
definitely, if they wanted to.
22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)
I don't think I'm a dark romance girlie. I'm never gonna write mlm smut, because I just don't think it's my place to do that.
23. Best writing advice for other writers?
use placeholders for words you can't pinpoint, I usually go like this [walking slowly, dragging feet] and then I look up a synonym
when you get an idea, put it down, you'll think you're gonna remember later but you won't
24. Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?
to put chapter contents down in a pointed list instead of writing it out immediately
25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?
the It's... complicated one bc I worked hard on it and it's probably my best work yet imo
26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?
my three part series the one with the abortion, notes and letter
27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?
most favorite: describing angsty feelings
least: chit-chat bc I'm bad at it irl and idk how to write it to seem natural 😭
28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?
idk, some days I write so much and others I don't at all, so maybe 500-800 days on average daily
29. What’s your revision or editing process like?
first I do grammar checks, then I reread and see if the words are correct. most times I do the big parts of editing while writing bc I noticed that that's easier for me
30. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?
I usually wait until it's polished, unless it's something I would have deleted from a bigger fic and don't want it to go to waste.
31. Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?
plot, always.
32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.
from the top of my head: @princessmaybank @redhead1180 @mvybanks
33. Do you want to be published some day?
yes. but not my fanfic. I'd rather write something by myself and then get it published than go and write fanfic and change it later on to be able to publish it.
34. Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?
finishing my first novel and maybe finding a publisher for it
35. What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?
that they don't need to be redeemable, I'd much rather keep some villains for true evil and not because they had a bad childhood or whatever
36. How do you write kissing scenes?
I try to write about how it affects the person who's pov it is, their emotions and physical sensations. I don't like dragging it out too much tho unless it's a big moment, like a first kiss.
37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?
I tend to do cliffhangers quite a lot bc I'm just prone to that bc of my love of television. but usually I end on a moment that feels like a natural stop while writing or sometimes I write without chapters in mind and when I add them later I make stops in between where it feels like the reading flow could stop and be picked up, but then I make sure that the chapters aren't too short or too long still
38. Would you ever write commissions?
oh definitely, I already take prompts and idk if it counts but I did write two private commissions for a friend in return for some art of my favorite character a scribble of my oc
39. Share a snippet from a WIP
“I don't want you to feel any pressure to do anything,” he brushed a few hair from my face and I nodded. “You're my dream girl, [redacted].” He pulled me closer into him, nuzzling his head into my neck and breathing lower. “My pretty girl.” I placed a kiss on his head and listened to his shallow breaths as I fell asleep. “Love you too,” I whispered while drifting off and hoping that he hadn't actually heard me.
40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?
I have a very specific scene in my head, but it not in the fic, it's only mentioned as a picture that they took and have set as their background picture. so to see that come to life would be incredible.
but I don't really have a preference other than that, when I write I see it all play out in my head like a movie scene so literally any moment can work as long as I described it well enough. and if needed I would go and give a lengthy description of every single detail if someone wabted me to
41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?
I reread a lot! it's part of how I try and get better at my work (apart from reading published books)
I especially reread a lot of my lovebirds fic so I can get back into writing when I haven't had worked on it in a while
42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?
The Charter by @blueicequeen19 and I'd tell the whole world to read it because it's just that good
43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?
I whump too much tbh. like, especially my OC has had so much pain already in her life, but I feel like a few set backs are normal and it wouldn't feel natural to me if everything was just happy and perfect akl the time. to me these characters are people and people are messy by default.
I'm still very protective of them tho, and I wouldn't let any body go and fuck them other unless it has a purpose of some kind, either for the bad guy or them.
44. What mistakes do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you?
I keep writing my when I mean me and vice versa, that's just a typing issue tho. I forgot prepositions and "the"s a lot. idk how to do comma shit. and I keep catching myself writing bearly instead of barely. bc they sound the same and I'm also dyslexic 😔
45. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?
both if I can. but a part of me wants to know that I'm capable of making someone cry their eyes out. that feels pretty powerful to me bc I don't really cry too much when I read or watch something myself.
46. How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)
emotions primarily ig, then characters. ig those two are very neatly intertwined bc most of the decisions they make are based on emotions or on the fact that they try to not let their emotions control them.
47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?
at least two times. even when I say it's not edited, I at least read it twice to get most mistakes out.
48. What do you look for in a beta?
that they are native English speaker probably, but I don't really do betas at the moment
49. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?
I've never gotten one and if I would I'd probably just block the person and try to forget about it.
50. How long is your longest fic?
not posted and still working on it: around 500k
posted one shot: 19k
posted series: 16k
51. What’s your total AO3 word count?
38.4k on ao3 / 100k+ on tumblr
52. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
I respond to most comments but I always feel a bit awkward bc I never know what to say
53. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?
primarily I write, I'd say 65/35 writing to reading ratio of the time I use on fanfic
54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?
being able to put the vision that I have in my head on screen, being allowed to use as much or as little details as I wish to. but most of all the fact that I know more about the whole narrative than the characters in it, the fact that I know when they are being unreliable or are lying to themselves or just don't know better.
55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?
I'm definitely a JJ girlie, I'll always be even tho I noticed that people are more into Rafe...
56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?
a friend of mine keeps asking how the fuck I write so much and I honestly don't know. I just do. and I personally always feel like anything below 2k is not enough but I don't try to drag things out too much just to get more words in. so maybe that's it.
57. Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished?
while writing for sure because it just makes the whole process faster than if I did it the other way round. but it took some time for me to get to the point where my in-writing editing makes the post-writing editing almost obsolete
58. What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)
writing for the most part. but I also love researching stuff.
59. Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?
only my friends. I wouldn't tell my parents and I'm glad they don't understand English bc if they did and found this blog I wouldn't be allowed to leave the house forever or they'd kick me out. which is ridiculous bc I'm an adult :'(
60. Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?
yeah and it was the best feeling ever. makes me happy just thinking about it.
61. Why do you continue writing fics?
simply because I love writing and I choose to write for myself, not for anyone else. that's also why some prompts stay in my inbox for longer, because I need to find the right moment where I am content with writing it in a way that makes me feel happy about what I created.
62. Thoughts on cliffhangers?
love love love. can't get enough of them. use them all the time.
63. Something you hate to see in smut.
personally, I have mommy and daddy issues, so seeing it being sexualized is always weird to me. but I try to look past it and even when I write it bc it fits the character, it's still weird to me. but I would never tell anyone to not write it. I know a lot of ppl enjoy it a lot. it's just not my personal piece of cake.
another thing, which is just formatting ig, is when there's no warnings list. I think it's important to put at least a warnings list, especially for smut.
64. Something you love to see in smut.
aftercare. always. Even if it's just a quick scene of them lying in bed or something and just being soft with each other or talking about random things to cool down. I think it's really important.
65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project
right now I'm looking extremely heavily towards kinktober and starting on those projects and then seeing people read them in October.
I'm also super hyped over my oc lore bc I recently had a big breakthrough with the help of a friend, and now everything I had before makes so much more sense. it feels like I had always had known but the information was hidden and now I have it and I can see a crystal clear picture of her life and the life of her parents and grandparents and basically the whole family past and possible future.
66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?
I hate it. I'm trying to not let it get to me, I can only write when my brain let's me. But I do know that no matter how long it takes I will finish started projects.
67. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?
I don't mind either. I love when it's a prompt or challenge that gives me creative freedom. like just a sentence or a single word prompt with a character is top notch bc I can go crazy on it all I want.
68. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?
I listen to music mostly, sometimes tiktoks inspire me too. It's really anything that can give me inspiration.
69. What work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?
the ghostface one. I don't even know why I posted it, but I'm not gonna delete it bc I think it's important for ppl to see the progress you made over time.
70. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?
depends on the person. if it's my friends who I hold near and dear I'm not really embarrassed at all. I sometimes talk too much about writing and think I annoy them with it, but they always say it's okay so I guess I should believe them.
I think it's needs some type of connection and mutual respect for me to even be able to talk about it, so I wouldn't really talk to someone who I think would nake me feel embarrassed.
71. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?
I only put down dates, the rest is more or less stored in my brain. unless I write lore down somewhere for someone to read and give me feedback. then I take that and put it in a separate lore doc but I wouldn't really need to bc, like I said, mostly my brain will remember lore
72. What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?
when I started writing I did chronological, then I started to jump in between but that caused a lot of fuck ups and I couldn't remember what happened where, so I decided to rewrite my whole fic chronologically before posting it.
for prompts or just stuff that I post on here I always do linear/chronological if the narrative let's me
73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?
I don't really know. I guess I use a few phrases and words more than others would, and sometimes my sentences sound very german bc that's my native tongue. but those don't show up to me as mistakes when editing bc to my brain the sentences structure makes sense. that's probably all, but I don't really know.
74. You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?
maybe if they are familiar with my writing style, with the way I use certain words only in certain situations. or how I nickname some of the characters.
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kaviary-blog · 2 months
Text
20 Q’s for Fic Writers
I got tagged by the wonderful @wedonthaveawhile
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
None. That might change soon. But I’ve got like 9 here on tumblr
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
Zero
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently mostly Hogwarts Legacy but I’ve been writing little fics and stories since I was in elementary school
But to give a taste of what I did… when I was a small child I wrote a multi chapter story about fruit (fruit fandom was all the rage). I’ve written for Undertale, FNaF, Miraculous Ladybug, Mass Effect. Maybe more than I’m remembering and they will never see the light of day. (Most of what I wrote was original ideas instead of fanfic)
4. Top five fics by kudos?
Horrors of the Scriptorium parts 1&2, That Which Lurks Behind, Never Knew Her Name, After the Nightmare
5. Do you respond to comments?
Yes! I try to and I love feedback and talking to people
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Pluv says Never Knew Her Name has the biggest gut punch but I write alot of angst so…. Idk
7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
After The Nightmare. Kinda the only non angst fic I have and even then.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I have
9. Do you write smut?
I have not
10. Craziest crossover?
Those exist solely in my brain and the ears of my sister
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
I seriously doubt it
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Probably not
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Not really. I have characters I share with people. But even in my youth I don’t think I co-authored anything
14. All time favorite ship
SHAKARIAN!!! Garrus x Femshep
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
So so many. The amount of ideas that have barely even taken shape is a whole other list entirely
16. What are your writing strengths?
Tearing your heart out. Idk
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Fluff. Idk how to be happy
18. Thoughts of dialogue in a different language?
Super cool when done right! (Don’t ask me what that means. I’m not fluent in any other languages)
19. First fandom you wrote in?
Uhhhh. I think the first fic I ever wrote I was really little and it was about Rapunzel. (Her and her kids in the future and like, half of them died. Angst even back then)
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
Ummm of the ones I’ve posted here…. I’m really proud of That Which Lurks Behind
But usually when I write something I forget I wrote it. I write bastard words with my evil fingers and make it everyone else’s problem.
No pressure tags: @cuffmeinblack, @eternalremorse, idk who else. Everyone I know has done it
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teecupangel · 2 years
Note
Okay so, I don’t know much about Destiny, just like the bare minimum stuff, but after I found out about the Hunter class I cannot stop thinking about what if the Assassin crew (Des and his ancestors, y’know) were Hunter Guardians? Idk about story wise what they would do, maybe deal with any Isu left over artifacts, maybe? I just think it would be neat. The hoods, the stealth, the whole Nightstalker subclass?? It’d be dope.
(I love your works btw, I’ve been binging both tumblr and ao3 how dare you be so good at writing)
(Thank you! I'm happy you loved what I've been writing hahahaha)
So I’ve talked about what I feel would be the type of Guardian every AC protagonist would have which originated from this post where I analyzed why Bungie made the right choice making Altaïr a Warlock)
But it would also be fun if they were all Nightstalkers (maybe make it a plot point how Altaïr was stripped of his Sunsinger subclass after a failed mission and becomes a Hunter as a punishment while Ezio is just starting out as a Hunter himself so that Ratonhnhaké:ton would be more or less their leader for a change).
And I really like the idea of Desmond just being a Ghost and he recognizes his ancestors but they don’t recognize him or anything about these Assassins or Templars. They just think he might be a Ghost with his functions sorta going whacked but he manages to connect with all three of them and seem to function as normal…
Then he starts saying this might be a POE thing and the three Hunters start to believe that Desmond might have gotten close to a relic of the Darkness with his original ‘Guardian’ and that’s why he’s getting his information all out of order or just plain gibberish. Their mission now would be to find this POE that Desmond is talking about which he believes to be on the planet Earth which, as far as the three Hunters believe, is currently under attack.
“That’s bad!”
“It happens a lot.”
“That doesn’t make it less bad!”
So they travel to Earth to try to find this POE that Desmond talks about (unintentionally getting sidetracked by the current geopolitical ‘unrest’ on Earth) and they start to learn about the Assassins and the Templars.
They learn about the Isus and the connection they may have with the Darkness and the Traveler.
And then…
They reach a forgotten place and it took a while before Desmond realized that it had been some kind of Abstergo research and development facility.
And in the deepest part of the ruins…
They learn the truth.
The Darkness is a failed experiment of Abstergo that uses what remains of Desmond Miles’ corpse and the rest of Sample 17.
It grew to have a sentient of its own that had been corrupted by years of being tested and broken apart only to be rebuilt once more again and again in an endless cycle of needless pain and it is angry at everything and everyone.
And the Ghost that had found the three Hunters?
It was what was left of Desmond Miles’ humanity that The Traveler was able to take out of the Darkness, placing it into one of the very first Ghosts they have ever created and pushing it to the galaxy to find the ones who can defeat the corrupted remains of Desmond Miles:
His three ancestors reborn…
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quiguibooks · 7 months
Text
announcement
hey everyone, long time no see.
i dont know how many of you follow me here tbh but i decided to post this anyways haha
ive made an announcement on AO3 explaining this in detail, so if you can please read it! but the TLDR version so you all can be aware: firstly, i will no longer be writing fanfics, ive moved all my old fics to a new account and will turn my current AO3 account into one for my original works. i explained more thoughtfully in there the reasons why i decided to do this instead of using a new one for originals, so if youre curious about that, again please read the original announcement haha. and secondly, i will also be rewriting and reposting "Cursive" as an original book, completely cutting ties from anything related to DNF and MCYT in general. i have already made a new publication for the new Cursive, so if you wish to keep reading the story in this new version, please subscribe to that work! i explained why i wanted to cut ties with it, and also explained why although ive already decided to rewrite, im not sure yet when i will be posting the new first chapter. so again, if you want the details, read the announcement haha
thats basically all i had to say
i never really used my tumblr a lot, but i think i still will completely rebrand it to match my new content, deleting anything related to my time in the MCYT fandom, like starting it over haha. i was thinking of possibly deleting this one and making a new one, but i feel like its too much work considering i barely use my account anyways. so yeah, i'll soon change my name to match the rest of my social media accs and use it for my original content as well im also deleting my current twitter, and moving to a new twitter that will be used exclusively for my original creations. i also shared my instagram account since im mostly active there, and i also have another twitter for multifandom that i will also use as my personal non-writing related twitter, although idk how active i will be there well, thats all for today! thank you to everyone who reads this, and thank you for all the support you gave me throughout the years!
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ravenelyx · 1 year
Note
For the fic writing ask game! 13, 22, 38, 53, 66, 75!
Hello Soph <3<3 thank you sm !!
13- Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what have you been listening to recently?
Nope, too distracting truly 🥲 no matter if it has words or not -- by brain stalls and I just end up either staring at the wall or singing :")
22- Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?
Sometimes i do it before the story itself even exists (like ilyet and arranged heartbreak or the wips listed in my masterlist), sometimes in the middle (an epiphany moment in which my brain goes YOU KNOW WHAT---?).
Titles are usually based on the core of the story if the fic is rather long:
I love you in every timeline: inspired by DSMOM originally -- it's actually a wordplay on the entire story : it holds its essence entirely, playing on the identity of the two girls, the contrast of Sebastian's emotions and the way time affects the whole ordeal (how he himself has as well, directly on indirectly, affected both past, present and future). I have a very late scene written out already which explains pretty much everything, but I can't spoil it and I feel like a quivering leaf when i think about it (brain write faster pls i want to reach it soon --- but not so soon bc it's literally towards the end)
Arranged Heartbreak : pretty self-explanatory (i had thought the title to be lame at first and then I just... didn't care)
As for the other short fics, they're pretty simple titles tbh --- except for the list in my masterlist: I went all out and those don't even exist yet
38- What is your most self-indulgent posted story?
ILYET itself 🥲
She's my precious, my baby, my dearest love --- also, MC 2.0 herself is based on my OC (Lys Lovelace my dear) since I haven't written anything about her (appearance and stuff is still ambiguous as a true x reader story)
53- What is the most-used tag on your ao3?
I expected it to be something angsty : it's actually "fluff" :||
Just fluff
I'm a sappy idiot fr
66- What’s a fun fact about ILYET?
Edit: one fun fact no one probably knows about is that the whole fanfiction was actually born from a teen wolf edit that ended on my tiktok fyp... yeahhh... and it's a stydia scene, when Lydia walks up to the group asking "where have you guys been?" and Stiles turns around, completely struck. And then idk why my brain just decided to take that scene and just... make the whole thing up into what it is now...
75- Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect?
Pretty much all of them -- I've never really had any online presence before tumblr so I wasn't really expecting anything when I first started writing, really :"")
I remember when i posted the prologue of ilyet: it was late at night, (friday night, about 11:45 pm -- i remember it like it was yesterday) so I just posted it, went to sleep and expected nothing in return -- then I woke up to like 300 notes in barely a few hours and I literally jumped out of my skin🥲🥲 those were the good times
But fr -- I expected Loved like to flop bc I literally word vomited it at 4 am, posted it without even rereading it, and then woke up to ppl liking it fr (I still hate it, don't doubt, but still...)
Aaaand... yeah.
Ask game here <3
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mwebber · 1 year
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read through the threads and oh my god, this is all so severely fucked up and i can’t believe today is the first time i’m hearing about it (outside petty anti/pro ship squabbles online). also, what the hell, otw racism and ai?? how does the prev post have less than 1k notes? why isn’t this everywhere?
my knee jerk reaction is to pull all my fics from ao3 immediately.. i don’t know if that’ll help anything. i just don’t want to be complicit in sending any further traffic to the site. i’ll certainly be boycotting it until shit gets addressed, but by the looks of it, they won’t do anything. this is really fucking sad considering ao3 is like the only organized place for fic with filters and everything and ugh. Ugh.
most pressingly for me personally is i don’t know what to do with the rest of nayq. i worked so hard on it, i don’t want to just leave it unfinished?? i had a whole freaking novella to tell. there are still four more chapters left (three?) which is almost an entire month of updates where i’d need to continue using the site. even if i post the rest of the fic tomorrow, that’ll still result in sending people over. if i don’t, that’ll personally drive me insane because my brain literally cannot handle an unfinished project. the only real moral solution would be to delete my account and my fics entirely or remain complicit? but also like, nice dichotomy, idiot, what lies outside of it.
i literally don’t know what to do? how are other writers handling this?? i have dozens of fics all saved from the start of my writing journey in middle school, it’s like a fucking diary of my creative writing development. where else is there to go? i had a meeting with someone who does copyright work for wattpad and they were explaining what they do and monitor so i know i can’t post shit there. fanfiction dot net sucks to use and physically read. tumblr search by tag barely works.
this is all just terribly upsetting and i’m ashamed i wasn’t aware of it earlier or else i wouldn’t have posted anything there (or hell, even written anything that would’ve got me in this dilemma in the first place). maybe i’ll sleep on it and stop word dumping, idk. i really don’t know.
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mahonia, sage, edelweiss, and aloe vera
mahonia ⇢ what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?
Hmmm, a lot of things inspire me but they all kind of inspire me in different directions, so I'll go with the one that inspires me to write since that's most of what I do on here and ao3.
This is going to come with the Chili Advisory Warning: I don't recommend this, this is just sorta a me thing.
So, for writing what gets me into that inspired writing zone is two things: Alcohol + Music. My feels are sorta super blunted by my inhibitions, so drinking makes it easier to feel my feels and not be so worried about my writing being bad or too much and the right music sets me right on my way to pondering the blorbos in the situations they're currently in in my stories. I've also sorta been drinking for a while ^^; so being drunk kinda helps me reconnect with whatever memory or experience I'm pulling from in my writing. This does, however, make editing a fun nightmare lmao bc that I do 100% sober so I have to parse through whatever it was drunk me was writing and get it down in a form that's actually somewhat readable.
sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?
Writing! All my life writing has sort of been what's been able to really grab me, and I think that might be bc of my adhd? With anything else I can multitask or zone out and still get part of the jist of things, but when I'm reading all of my attention has to stay on the page and I have to keep track of where I am and what's going on bc the whole story is playing out in my head at my pace and I'm having to imagine the emotions and details and everything as it's being described to me so I just end up sinking so much more into it emotionally.
edelweiss ⇢ how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you?
kajhdsflajdskfljadskljf okay, so, I like writing fic as a hobby, been doing it on and off for years, usually but not always when shit in my life's not great, but back before I made the ao3 account I never posted any of it I just shared it with like one or two other ppl. So! Be me, like march 2020, and I've started writing this VaaGan fic. Now, I pop over to both tumblr and ao3 to see what the VaaGan scene is like and, holy shit, it's basically me and like five other beautiful wonderful people on this tiny life raft ship. I double check ffn to see if maybe at one point there was anything for it, also like barely anything. Me, five-ish other people, small life boat ship. So! I tell my wife about it and decide "you know what, fuck it, I'm gonna make an ao3, I'm gonna help paddle this god damn boat, let's go!" and idk if I was the one who said "welcome to chilis!" or if my wife is the one who said "welcome to chilis" but that meme stuck in my head and became my username lol
aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?
hmmmmmmmmm, I've experienced a lot of things in life so I don't really have anything particularly mundane that I'm left wanting to do ^^;
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ashtraythief · 6 months
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How do you get so much engagement? Not in a jealous sort of way, but more in a curious way of someone who seeks tips/advice on the matter. It seems these days fandom is much more…distant than it once was and it’s a bit discouraging, you know? I can barely get any sort of engagement, either on my socials or my ao3, but to know you have such a devoted fan base (such as me!) it fills me with hope that it’s possible :)
Any tips and/or ideas?
Oh wow, first off, thank you so much for your kind words!
As for engagement, I don't know if I have much wisdom to give there. Spn fandom is definitely getting smaller, has been for years. Even when I got into it ten years ago, it was already past its prime.
Gonna share what little knowledge I have under the cut.
So I am not the right person to ask about socials lol. I have very little engagement on tumblr actually. I know it doesn't look like it right now, but usually I go months without getting asks. And then I guess sometimes whenever I get one, other people see it and remember they can send me asks? And then I just get a bunch, of which I suspect several are from the same people 😅, and then things go quiet again. Usually, most of them are related to the underneath verse, which makes sense since it's an ongoing WIP, and people have questions (that I am very happy to answer, always! Even tho I can't give anything about the ending away 😅). I used to post fic links here, but I got so little engagement I eventually gave up on that. It didn't seem worth the effort of formatting the posts, but I also have no way of knowing how many people just check ao3 and how many click on a link on tumblr.
Twitter is a little different, but it's also gotten more quiet there. The end of the show didn't help and then recent events *cough*prequelgate*cough* accelerated the decline of J2 fandom especially. But I get some interaction with fic posting there, more than on tumblr anyway, so that's where I post new fics. I think it's helpful to screenshot the summary and attach it to the post for more info. Maybe? I've never done a survey on this lol. Definitely don't be shy about retweeting and reposting for timezone purposes and on different days. Some people follow so many accounts they won't see your post otherwise.
As for fic engagement, idk. A good snappy summary, enough tags for people to get interested but no overtagging? But like, I'm a bad standard here, I think. I've been in fandom for over 10 years, I've written almost 200 fics in all kinds of genres, so people know me. I've also participated in gift exchanges, challenges and auction fics, which is also something that gives you exposure. And I was lucky that one of my first big fics was popular. So I guess a reasonable amount of people know me as a J2 author.
Also supporting my theory of being known is that I recently posted a fic in a much more active fandom and I immediately had like four times the engagement I'd usually get for J2 fics, but still much less than the popular fics in that fandom.
And not all of my spn rpf fics get a lot of engagement either. It always depends on subject matter, pairings, trends in fandom etc. If you look at my fic list, you'll see a lot of fics with few kudos for a variety of reasons.
I still write them, even if I know not a lot of people are interested in them, but I still enjoy writing them. And I always think, if there's only one person whom I brought joy with my writing, it's worth it. But I definitely understand that more feedback is also more joy and good for our egos. And I know there are people out there who don't care about that, which is valid, but I think it's also okay to care about it.
Idk if this is helpful. I can try to give more specific advice for fic things if you have more specific questions, maybe off anon if you're comfortable with it?
Otherwise, thanks for your faith in me and sorry that I have so little wisdom to share 😅
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aeyumicore · 7 months
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the sixth of march - rafayel birthday special
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━ .ᐟ✧ PAIRING: rafayel x female reader (afab)
━ ✧.˖ GENRE: smut, porn with very little plot
━ .ᐟ✧ WORD COUNT: 5.09k
━ ✧.˖ WARNINGS: mdni, explicit sexual content, semi-public bathroom sex, switch!raf, whiny!raf, semi-public sex, mirror sex, oral sex m!receiving, face/throat fucking, standing sex, hitting it from the back, creampies, cum swallowing, cum in panties, birthday sex, leaking cum in public, please let me know if i missed anything!
━ .ᐟ✧ LINKS: ao3
━ ✧.˖ A/N: it’s our little fishy’s birthday! happy birthday rafayel! <3 short lil (lol 5k words short) smut for our precious raf’s birthday. idk why i always end up having raf x y/n sex be in the bathroom its purely coincidental LOL
please note that this is NOT based on his birthday event story OR the birthday event card. It might be somewhat similar but i wrote it entirely separately. If there’s any resemblance its purely coincidental, so don’t expect this fic to be accurate to the event!
as always pls enjoy :) also come interact with me on twit @/aeyumicore
THIS IS MY ONLY ACCOUNT. I WILL NEVER POST MY FICS ON OTHER TUMBLR BLOGS. I WILL ONLY POST ON THIS ACCOUNT AND ON AO3.
✦ . ˖ ✧ .ᐟ ˖ nsfw | minors dni | 18+ only | minors dni | nsfw ✦ . ˖ ✧ .ᐟ ˖
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"Bruschetta, miss?”
Your head snaps to the politely smiling waiter in front of you, holding a tray of the most delicious glistening bread bites, topped with vibrant red cherry tomatoes and fresh green basil. 
"No, thank you,” you decline politely, having had your fill of the endless lavish hors d'oeuvres at the birthday party you’d put together for Rafayel. Instead, you let your eyes wander back to the highly in-demand purple haired birthday boy across the sea of random people you didn't know, and honestly you weren’t sure Rafayel knew them either.
You’d originally wanted something quaint and intimate for Rafayel’s 25th birthday, but thanks to Thomas it’d turned into a huge elaborate party with business partners, sponsors, and just so many important industry contacts. The guest list spun out of control so fast, until it became a full blown business event.
Honestly, you felt so terrible. You knew this is not what Rafayel wanted for his birthday, but he was being an incredibly good sport about it, making polite conversation with every single person that approached him. Which was extremely unlike him, and that scared you even more. Besides the brief embrace you’d shared when he’d arrived, you hadn't had the chance to spend any time with him tonight.
So, like you had the rest of the night, you stared at him from across the ballroom floor, admiring him from afar. He was so unfairly dashing in his white jacket adorned with a gold leafed lapel chain that matched the stars and moon that hung off his golden waist chain. His black tie hung loosely against his hard chest, contrasting beautifully against the shining white pearls on his lapel. 
He’d picked out and gifted you a matching dress for you to wear, and had a driver deliver it to you this morning. It was nothing short of art itself, an extravagant golden a-line tulle evening gown with an expensive sequin and pearl applique that mirrored the starry night sky. The strapless sweetheart neckline pushed your cleavage up as the high slit exposed your bare legs, leaving you feeling beautiful and confident, something Rafayel always knew how to do.
Rafayel looks up from the undoubtedly very rich and important man he’d been talking to, and catches your stare from across the room. His lips don’t quirk, still caught in his conversation, but his eyes sparkle as they drink you in, the corners crinkling in their own little smile. 
You grin back at him, raising the glass of champagne you’d been holding onto for the entire night, and taking a languid gulp. As you lower the glass, you purposely let a droplet drip down your chin, using your index finger to catch it and bringing it up to your tongue to lick it off.
Even from yards away, you can see Rafayel’s eyes darken and his neck bob with a gulp. You watch as he falters in his words, trying to steel himself back into his conversation. Chuckling to yourself, you turn away from him to give a brief reprieve of your teasing.
The champagne lights your face ablaze, so you decide to run to the bathroom to touch up before your makeup starts melting off. You weave through the hordes of elegantly dressed guests, slightly in shock of how many people showed up to celebrate Rafayel. Or at least showed up to get in his good graces. 
The banquet hall you’d booked was expensive and intricate, and the bathrooms were no different. As you slipped into the single unisex washroom you barely noticed as Rafayel slipped in behind you before you could let the door shut fully. 
You yelped in surprise as he followed you into the single stall bathroom, but the alarm dissipated when you realized it was him and not some random stranger. 
"Rafayel!” You reprimanded, pushing the door shut behind him so as to make sure no prying eyes caught the two of you, "What are you doing?!”
Rafayel doesn’t respond, instead capturing you in his embrace, his hands settling around the small of your back as he pulls you tightly into his hard body. 
"You shouldn’t tease me all night, it’s not very nice,” he hums, playing with a curled lock of hair against your cheek.
You feign innocence, eyes widening and head cocking to the side, "What am I doing?”
Rafayel pouts, his cheeks rosy under the fluorescent bathroom lights, "It’s my birthday, you should be nicer to me.” He tucks the strand of hair he’d been playing with behind your ear.
"I haven’t gotten to see you, all night,” he sulks, his voice tinged with a sharp whine.
You can’t help but giggle at his childish behavior and tease him a bit, "But you were looking at me just earlier!”
He grumbles, thoroughly unamused, "You know that’s not what I mean.”
You sigh and let yourself melt into his hold, your arms wrapping around him in return, "I know, I'm sorry Raf. This was supposed to be small, just you, me, and some friends. It got out of control so fast.”
He continues with his pouty tirade. "It’s my birthday,” he whines, burying his face deep into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, "And I don’t even get to enjoy the only thing I want.”
He pulls away so he can admire you again, this time right before his hungry and waiting eyes like he should’ve been able to. His gaze devours every inch of you, from the exposed and flushed skin to the way the dress hugs your figure in all the right ways.
"I miss you,” he complains, eyes still drinking you in and hands tight against your waist.
"M’sorry Raf,” you murmur, dusting his purple locks away from his eyes, "I missed you too.” 
He sighs dramatically, "I don’t want to talk to any more of those old farts. Especially when you look like this right across the room.”
"It’s a beautiful dress. I didn’t have the opportunity to thank you for it yet,” you mumble bashfully, suddenly nervous under his scrutinizing stare.
"I knew you would look exquisite in it,” he grumbles, "But I thought I would be able to spend my night admiring it on you. And off you.”
And though you can tell Rafayel is half joking, you can’t help but feel bad that you’re partly to blame for him having to spend his birthday like this, with people who wanted his attention for their own personal selfish reasons.
"I’m sorry babe, it’ll be over soon. I’ll make it up to you, I promise!”
Sighing deeply and theatrically again, "How will you make it up to me? I only get one birthday a year, you know?”
You get a mischievous and filthy idea. Your hands travel from his back to his abdomen, pushing slightly to create space between your bodies. He eyes you curiously, but lets you continue. As your hands travel further south, undoing the intricate latch of his expensive belt, his eyes widen.
"H-hey! What are you doing?!”
As you get down onto your knees, pulling his pants down with you in your descent, you look up at him through your eyelashes, batting them earnestly, "My birthday boy is unhappy, and we can’t have that can we?” Though the bathroom is spotless, the tiled floor likely cleaner than your own bathroom, you’re careful to bunch the beautiful gown up and hold it above your calves, as best as you can.
"I can just give you one of your birthday gifts right now,” you murmur, "But you’ll have to wait until we’re home to unwrap the rest.”
Rafayel only gulps in response, his cheeks and earlobes slowly turning crimson as he’s left standing in just his briefs. Mesmerized, you watch as his erection lifts against the restraint of his underwear, grasping the base with your fingers and reveling in the way he whimpers into the brisk bathroom air.
You rest your lips against the tent in his briefs, licking at his length against the clothing. He hisses, hands finding purchase in the sink behind him to ground himself against your teasing licks. You keep your eyes glued to his, batting your eyelashes as you take his cock out. As the cold clean air of the bathroom hits him, he sucks in another sharp breath, gripping the sink almost painfully.
Rafayel has to remind himself how to breathe as he watches your beautiful eyes widen as you lick at the copious amounts of pre cum dripping down his length and onto his briefs. 
"H-holy shit,” he wheezes out, throwing his head back as your tongue skillfully maneuvers over his glistening bulbous head, the skin pink and angry, demanding attention. You take him fully into your mouth, moaning at the taste of his slick filling your senses. Rafayel whines and twitches at the vibrations of your mouth, trying desperately to keep from busting his load into your mouth right there.
You tease him dutifully, only letting his cock enter your mouth, not taking him into your throat just yet. A mess of whimpers and moans, Rafayel holds himself back from forcing his length down into your warm and waiting throat, like you’d let him so many times before. The sight of you, all done up in the beautiful golden gown he’d personally picked for you, on your knees for him, drove him insane, but he wanted to be a good boy for you.
"Baby,” he whimpers, beautiful sobs breaking out from his mouth, "You feel so g-good.”
Your mouth bobs up and down earnestly at his praises, and he’s being so good for you you want to reward him. But your hands are busy holding up your dress from falling to the bathroom floor which makes it difficult for you to service his entire impressive length. So instead, you use one hand to bring each of his palms into your curled hair. Luckily you’d worn your hair down in tousled waves so you were able to easily thread his fingers into them, urging him to grip onto you.
You hold his hand there until he gets the message of what you’re asking him to do, or rather giving him permission to do, and he hardens further with excitement. His fingers tighten at your scalp as he begins to fuck into your mouth, eyes rolling back at the feel of your thick lips against the veins of his cock.
"Hah – you’re so good to me,” he pants, pelvis fervently hitting your mouth as you do your best to relax your throat and take him as deeply as possible. He continues to babble, "F-fuck feels so good baby, I-I can’t stop.” He handles you roughly, hands tight and pace unrelenting, but you absolutely love when he’s this demanding with you.
You moan at his words, feeling yourself dampen in your panties, trying to let the vibrations hit him when he’s as deep as possible. You use your tongue to stroke the vein on the underside of his shaft, wanting to see your birthday boy come undone just for you. He bucks excitedly into your mouth, absolutely lost in the way your mouth attempts to accommodate every inch of him. 
"You take me so fucking well,” he whines, still fucking vigorously into your mouth, "Your mouth was made for me to fuck, my perfect girl.”
Rafayel’s vision blacks as you gulp around him, your throat constricting impossibly tight against his cock. The sounds of your guttural choking drive him to the edge, and when he looks down to see tears running down your gorgeous face and drool trailing down your chin, his erection lurches with the need to release deep down your throat. 
"M’gonna cum baby,” he warns, "You can take it all right? You can, you will.” 
You hum in response, and the vibrations send him over the edge. With his hands intertwined in your hair, Rafayel lets out a strangled moan as he absolutely explodes into your waiting mouth. 
You do your best not to choke on the sheer amount of cum he releases, the sweet-salty taste blinding all your senses. You lick his cock diligently, working him through his climax, and savoring every last drop of his essence. 
He twitches with overstimulation inside your mouth, but still painfully hard. You release him and gasp for air, as stray rivulets of cum streak down your chin. Rafayel bends down to lift you up off your knees, mesmerized by the fucked out look on your face, even though he’d only ravished your mouth. 
"That was incredible, you are incredible. I wasn’t too rough was I?” He inspects your face carefully, wiping a tear off your cheek.
"You weren’t,” you reassured with a smile, turning to the mirror and sink behind him. 
"Is your birthday night slightly better now?” You tease, fixing your appearance in the mirror. You wash the spit and cum from your chin, and then dab carefully at the dark smudges of makeup smeared under your eyes.
"I want my other gift now,” Rafayel mumbles, coming up behind you and moving your dress to the side so that the slit parts and exposes the back of your thighs. 
"H-here?” You ask in disbelief, as if you didn’t just suck him off. But your risque streak had evaporated as fast as it had come, and now you quivered at the idea of having sex in this private, but still public, bathroom, with dozens of people outside likely looking for the artist himself. 
"Can I please?” He pouts, and you can see his begging eyes behind you in the mirror, "It’s still my birthday for another few hours.” His hands fiddle with your dress impatiently, but still waiting for your consent nonetheless. "And I was so good tonight, talking to those people all night when all I  wanted was to be with you.”
Your heart squeezes at his adorable pleas. You can’t deny the way the idea of Rafayel taking you in this shared public space has you leaking. The hungry longing in his eyes, masked by the adorable puppy eyes, makes you cave. You nod gently, and Rafayel’s instantly on his knees, burying himself under the tulle of your dress.
You can feel Rafayel pausing with his face close to your heat. "Raf?” You whisper, breathless with anticipation. 
"When did you buy these?” You realize he’s admiring your panties, part of a set you’d bought to surprise him for his birthday. You’d nearly forgotten you wore it under your dress, wanting him to unwrap you like a present after the party. 
"Happy birthday Rafayel,” you giggle weakly, his breath fanning over your cunt, making you squirm. The purple haired artist is speechless under you, staring at the intricate embroidered sea stars and shells that adorned the turquoise semi sheer mesh, making it look like you were naked save for the beautiful applique. 
"You’re telling me you were wearing this under the dress?” You can tell Rafayel was on the edge of going feral just by admiring the little knit shells against your most delicate region. You shivered thinking about how’d he’d act when he’d see the matching bra, hopefully later tonight. His words came out strained, as he tried his best to keep himself level. 
"It’s your birthday, and I wrapped myself up nicely for you,” you murmur, as you lean over the sink with your hands gripping the sides, waiting for him to finally do something. You almost want to step back and shove yourself into him, but you do your best to remain patient, letting him admire every inch of your lace clad cunt.
He swears, finally snapping out of his trance, "Fuck, I will take my time with you later. Right now I j-just need you.” You hiss as his fingers finally glaze over your no doubt glistening folds, the cold air nipping at your exposed and sensitive area. He pulls the intricate lace off of you, stuffing it into his pockets so as to not let them touch the floor.
You cry out when his lips find your dripping cunt, devouring you from behind. His strong fingers grip your ass, pulling your cheeks apart slightly to give him better access to his favorite dessert. Like you yourself had earlier, he moans at the taste and his vibrations resonate straight to your g spot. Your knees buckle at the pleasure, and you do your best to keep your moans muffled in case anyone was waiting outside the locked door.
Rafayel fucks you with his tongue languidly, his hand reaching between your legs to rub at your throbbing nub. Your eyes roll into your head, and you cover your mouth with the back of your hand, biting down to stop the scream from ripping out.
Rafayel is unhappy with your muffled cries of ecstasy, wanting to hear you in full. He stands to his full height, leaving you whimpering at the loss of his warmth against your dripping pussy. He stands, incredibly tall behind you, leaning into your ear.
"You know I hate it when you hide your noises from me,” he whispers, lining up his hardened length against your hole, bending you over the sink.
"I-I don’t want anyone to h-hear,” you stutter, grinding yourself onto his cock, wanting to be filled. 
Rafayel rubs himself against you, gathering your slick and lathering it all over, "Then I'll just have to force them out of you, huh?” With that slight threat, he sheathes himself fully into you, you practically scream into your hand, except this time Rafayel yanks your hand away, holding it behind your back firmly. Your scream echoes against the walls of the bathroom, and you pray no one is outside the door. Anyone within ten feet of the door would undoubtedly hear the lewd noises coming from inside the bathroom.
"Let me hear you,” he purrs against your ear, thrusting slowly into your gummy walls. But still, you bite your lip, the idea of someone hearing you both mortifying and incredibly hot. 
His thrusts are rough and demanding, making you bump into the cold surface of the sink. With Rafayel’s other hand he grabs your chin between his fingers and holds it up so that your eyes level with the mirror in front of you.
"Watch. Watch me fuck you baby,” his voice is so charismatic you can’t help but obey him. Your eyes meet his in the mirror, as you watch his face contort as he fucked into your womb. He smirks at you, hands leaving your face when he’s sure you won’t look away, to grip your waist. His large hands manhandled you so deliciously, using your body like a toy against his ravaging strokes. 
Watching Rafayel’s cocky smile as he forced you to keep contact with his eyes through the mirror quickly drove you closer and closer to your climax, the excitement of it all unbearable. Your moans echoed throughout the bathroom, the sounds of his pelvis hitting your ass deafening. 
Rafayel ravages you with the intent to make you absolutely lose your mind. He wants you to moan so loudly that you can’t restrain your cries of pleasure, so that anyone outside could hear exactly what he was doing to you.
"That’s my – haah –fucking girl,” he moans, hand smacking against the ripples of your ass bouncing against him. You yelp at the contact, the pain mixing deliciously with the endless ecstasy. Your walls sucked him in repeatedly, squeezing every inch of his length, trying to milk him. "Taking me so so well. Hah – look at you, spoiling me for my birthday.”
His palm gently strikes your rear again, "I must be the luckiest damn man on this planet. In this galaxy.” He reaches to your front, rifling through all your layers of tulle to find your clit, rubbing the slick nub until tears leaked out of your eyes. 
"R-Raf, feels s-sooo good,” you slurred, leaning backwards so you could reach up for his hair as he gripped you from behind. Your bare back slotted tightly against his chest and your fingers gripped into his soft purple hair, tugging roughly. You laid your messy hair into his chest, and he rested his chin in the crook of your shoulder and neck, and the two of you made eye contact in the mirror. 
Rafayel always put your pleasure above anything else, focussing on making you feel good before he even thought about himself. But your ecstasy was his pleasure. And so as he watched your face contort, eyes practically all whites, tongue lolling out of your beautiful lips, tears running down your face, his cock throbbed wanting to fill you to the absolute brim.
He was suddenly filled with the urge, the need to breed you. His woman, who’d dressed up just for him, in a set that was undoubtedly picked just to drive him insane. His love, who he spent the whole night admiring from across the room, when all he wanted for his birthday was to be with you. His girl, his everything, who’d spent weeks planning a whole night for him, even if it didn’t turn out the way he’d have wanted. 
Well that wasn’t entirely true. It actually did turn out exactly the way he’d wanted, with you a wet whimpering mess for him, his cock stuffed inside you while you begged for more. This was in fact exactly how he wanted to spend every second of his birthday, inside you.
"You’re – hah – all mine,” he slurred, drunk off your pussy, his thrusts becoming sloppier with each stroke, "I’m gonna cum in you tonight, ‘kay?”
You nod eagerly, watching his feral expression in the mirror. His brows crinkled adorably, with his lip gripped tightly in his teeth. "You’re gonna – fuuck – walk around the rest of the night with my cum leaking out of you, okay baby?”
You clench at his filthy words, knowing he’s dead serious. Amidst the lust filled haze, you’re so fucked out that nothing sounds better than that. The idea of having to mingle with so many people while Rafayel’s claim to you literally drips down your legs is just enough to have you crying out for him, completely uninhibited.there was no doubt anyone even remotely near the bathroom would’ve heard the way you wailed and moaned for him.
You catch Rafayel’s satisfied smirk in the mirror as he takes you repeatedly from behind, eyes still glued to yours. The heat in his blue-purple orbs is palpable, almost threatening to devour you whole, and your grip tightens in his hair. You pull him impossibly closer, straining your neck painfully so you can turn and kiss him. 
He leans in so you don’t have to bend too far backward, taking your lips passionately into his, even at this awkward angle. You slide your tongue into his mouth, wanting to take the teeniest bit of control as his cock burrowed its way into your stomach, claiming every inch of your gummy walls. 
Rafayel moaned at the feeling of your sweet tongue flickering against his, letting you explore his mouth. He was happy to relinquish control, even if only slightly, especially if it meant he could watch the way your face contorted at every little movement he made. 
The mirror made things exponentially more erotic, the way he could see his girl blissed out in front of him, and admire every single angle and aspect of you taking him so beautifully. The way you could watch each other, watch the way your bodies made absolute art together. 
As your tongues danced, your cunt clenched in anticipation, wanting desperately to release all over him. 
"R-Raf,” you pant, "M’so close.” 
"M-me too love,” he ground into your ear, teeth gritting on the brink of pain, "Gonna paint your beautiful little pussy ‘kay?”
You nod vigorously, eyes shutting as you feel the orgasm creeping up on you and igniting every nerve ending on fire. You gasp as you feel Rafayel’s fingers gently grip your throat, squeezing just enough to have sparks ignite in your vision. 
"Watch,” he commanded forcefully, a rough demand you so rarely heard lacing his alluring musical voice, "Need you to watch when I pump you full of my seed, okay love?”
You force your eyes to stay open, watching the primal expression on his face as his thrusts go deeper, harder. He forces himself into brushing harshly into your g spot, his free hand returning to rub ruthless circles onto your soaked clit. 
You scream out when he touches you, every single point of contact an endless tsunami of pleasure. His eyes command yours, forcing you to watch every single thing he does to your body. 
"God you’re so fucking beautiful, and you’re gonna – hah – look even more beautiful with my baby inside you.”
Your eyes widen at his words, lust getting the better of your usually sound judgment as you clench uncontrollable around his throbbing cock. He hisses at the harsh squeeze.
"Such a greedy girl,” he huffs breathlessly into your earlobe, nibbling down gently, "You want to be a mommy that bad? You’re trying to – hah fuck –  squeeze it out of me?” 
His words push you tumbling into your body numbing orgasm. You’re unable to hold back the scream that wrenches from deep in your throat, Rafayel’s fingers still gripping forcefully. 
"Oh god, m’cumming Raf, cumming so hard,” you wail, body fluttering around him uncontrollably and knees going weak. Rafayel holds you steady so that you don’t crash into the floor as he continues to fuck into your body, so close to his own unraveling. He only grunts in response, losing himself in the tightness and warmth of your grip on him.
"Please, please, please!” You beg, wanting him to give you everything he has. You’re still in the thick of your orgasm and you wracked with the absolute need to feel him all over your insides. 
Rafayel whimpers into your ear, getting wrapped up in the way you beg for him, "Sh-shit Y/N, if you keep s-squeezing like that I'm gonna –” he cuts himself with a torrid curse as your orgasm causes you to crush him inside of you.
"Y-yes please. Raf please. I need you s’bad,” you cry as he stares at you in the mirror, refusing to let go of eye contact. You’re desperate to feel him release inside you while you’re still in the midst of your own climax.
"O-okay love, anything for my needy little princess,” he groans out, before unleashing the most unholiest of swears, erection faltering inside you and trembling as it unloads completely. 
Rafayel grips you for dear life as he cums inside you, his load hot, thick, and unrelenting. His hand is still at your throat as he whimpers into your ear, his breath hot and warm on your skin. You watch the euphoria on his face as he continues to rock into you, his copious release already leaking out, dripping down your thighs.
You reel, feeling faint and short of breath, as you come down from your high, still leaning back into Rafayel’s sturdy stature. His arms move to wrap securely around you, kissing the curve of your neck as his languid thrusts slow to a stop. 
"You’re the best birthday present ever,” he murmurs, burying his face into your neck and inhaling your pheromones, absolutely drunk off of you. He removes himself from the warmth of your cunt, and you whimper as your combined release comes rushing down your thighs, your poor pussy just unable to hold the sheer amount of release Rafayel had pumped into you.
You try your best to smooth your dress, grabbing some paper towels to wipe your thighs off. But Rafayel stops you, his fingers gentle but firm against your wrist.
"What are you doing?” He’s smirking at you, so much mischievous light in his eyes. He fishes your panties out of his pocket and hands them to you expectantly. 
"Put them back on,” he grins at you, looking absolutely and devilishly handsome despite having just ravaged you thoroughly. You on the other hand looked like a mess, like you’d undoubtedly just been fucked. 
You’re about to whine and complain, but you bite it back, wanting to please your birthday boy. Sighing, you lift your dress, slowly slipping the panties back on. You wince as the fabric dampens, pushing the release back into your sopping cunt.
"Let me see.” Rafayel is on his knees in between your legs again before you know it, widening the slit of your gown. He admires you for a good ten seconds, before kissing your inner thighs and rising back to his feet. 
"Are you satisfied?” You tease, trying to shake off the discomfort between your legs. 
"Hmm...I guess you’re a little forgiven…'' he feigns being deep in thought, scratching his chin with his fingers, "I expect many more presents when I take you home tonight.”
You lean up on your tiptoes, even in your heels Rafayel still towered over you, and brushed a gentle kiss to his lips. You giggle at the way even the softest kiss has his ears and cheeks turning deeply pink. "There will be many more presents for you waiting at home. Of the naked variety.”
You thoroughly enjoy the way Rafayel shys away from your eyes, the crimson on his face deepening. His excitement is evident by the way he has to readjust his dress pants, and he clears his throat trying to calm himself down. 
"You’re going to regret that at home, sweetheart,” he grumbles.
"Will I?” You can’t stop teasing him, your eyes glimmering with mischief as you whip around as gracefully as you can, slipping out of the bathroom and leaving him thoroughly frazzled behind you.
You spend the rest of the night trying to mingle with Rafayel’s guests, and trying your best to ignore the way Rafayel’s cosmic eyes track your every move. The way you feel like he can see right through your layers and layers of tulle, and see his milky white essence dripping slowly down your thighs. 
He grins at you from across the room, raising his glass of champagne at you as he throws himself animatedly into conversation with his guests, with much more enthusiasm and vigor than he had previously all night. 
And when he did take you home that night, he absolutely did make you regret teasing him on his very own birthday, in ways that had you unable to walk the next day. 
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fonulyn · 8 months
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So i saw on the 2023 in review post that you said a your fics 'flopped', what exactly did you mean by that. I know this can be relative but do you mean not getting comments or kudos or something else? I have kept up with your works and purely from my perspective it seems like you get comments and engagement and that so many others get enjoyment out of them (and say that).
I don't have an ao3 account, but when I heard about how important things like comments were to authors, I made an effort to leave guest comments on fics and authors know if I liked something. I don't quite know if this is enough, but I'm not really sure what else readers can do.
I mean comments. I know some people track hits or hit/kudos ratios or whatever else but i don't give a damn about ratios, it's all in the comments for me. the very point of fandom is to share things you love with likeminded people and get to actually talk about them, imo, so when I try to share a thing I loved and there's barely any response then it defeats the whole purpose to me and I am left starving.
and lol I get engagement? yeah sure some fics do get comments. but I've also posted multiple works (oneshots or chapters to bigger fics) that have gotten absolutely zero comments. none. nada. nothing. not even one. granted, full disclosure, I cried about it on tumblr and a couple of kind souls took pity on me and so not all of them are at zero currently, but the initial silence still hurt. there are fics that have been posted for months (or years) and are still at two comments, maybe three. on average I get three or four comments per fic. so I wouldn't exactly say I get great engagement. i know this is jealousy speaking but watching others get ten times that, easily, and not only on ao3 but also on tumblr… yeah it stings. I put my heart and soul into a fic, am excited to post it, am vibrating with enthusiasm… and then nothing. or a lukewarm response at best.
so idk, if "so many others" get enjoyment out of them, then why don't they tell me? I have gotten multiple messages along the lines of "oh you know i love all your fics!" and… how do i know? you never left a single comment and i'm not psychic! there's no way for me to know it. or people who send me a message saying they read everything i wrote and loved them… but didn't leave a single comment. how much did they actually enjoy the works if they couldn't be bothered to say it on even one damn fic? those messages are lovely, i do appreciate them, and they do make me smile. but at the same time i'd trade them for a single good comment on ao3 in a heartbeat. that's what's easily accessible and what i can go back to when i feel discouraged and unseen.
(also idk if i'm reading wrong between the lines but it feels like you're telling me you're for some reason keeping up with my shit while not actually enjoying it but ohh 'so many others do' at least? apologies if that's just my cranky morning brain misinterpreting things but ouch. that was kind of harsh.)
but it's also not only the amount of comments, it's also the substance. there are some fics that got (gasp!) four whole comments but they're all along the lines of "nice!" or "💖" and as much as those do make me smile when I get them (and I genuinely do appreciate them!) at the same time they are not feedback. they don't give me anything to work with. what did they like? was there something specific? please talk to me about it!
I'd kill to get actual feedback. it's the dream that people would notice the clever reference i made, or the beautiful sentence i wrote, or the way the beginning tied to the end. or tell me about the emotions the fic brought them, or the thoughts, or their favorite part, or idk. it's not like i get gushing messages on tumblr either, unlike some others, talking about a specific fic or whatever.
simply put, it's really fucking lonely, and if I wanna keep posting fics I'd need some kind of a motivating factor to make it worth the effort. for a while I had a friend who gave me plentiful feedback and I lived off of that, and it made it easier to deal with the scarcity of comments, but now that ship has sailed. so the lack of engagement from the rest of the fandom is more acutely felt.
i'm not saying this to guilt trip people or to nag. it's simply stating a fact. if posting fic isn't a positive experience, why should i keep doing it?
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saltysatellite804 · 2 years
Note
idk how to comfort ppl kindly so I’ll just be blunt and honest. sorry your mind is in such a horrible place, I really am. you’ve probably heard/been told over and over before, but continuing to fixate over ppl who you think left you/don’t care for you anymore takes up a lot of emotion, energy, or effort that could otherwise be put into getting to know new ppl in a different fandom who: have no idea who you are, aka you come in as a completely blank slate to them. they don’t hate you. I, as someone who barely knows you or situation, objectively don’t care about these ppl who don’t care for you anymore, especially if they’re bringing you feelings of pain at the very thought. somehow, somewhere, find brand new strangers, don’t mention yourself negatively (wrestle that urge tackle it into the ground), and give them the opportunity to get to form judgements of you themselves. how does one even go about doing that? idk, but for me, all the connections I’ve ever made online (and I Only have “online friends”) were mostly me finding a small fandom or rarepair and then pouring honesty into the comments section of the fics and waiting to see if any of these strangers connect back. the more comments that focus on them and the material—the less I think about myself. and also the more comments, the bigger the chance is that 1 out of those… idk, 50 fic authors reach out to you and conversations get started. insert yourself into other ppls lives and take up space. spend time initiating conversations in spaces where replies actually have a chance of happening instead of shouting into a void that is a void due to the nature of the context—honestly, nobody replies to tumblr texts posts unless you’re a big name fan, nobody ever replies to mine, LOL. kind of personal, but I was totally alone and had neurotic thoughts for a spell, but over the last 3(?) years,a little bit of self-initiative and a little bit of coincidence and a lot of time on ao3 put me in spaces with fandom… friends? acquaintances? that I couldn’t have imagined in 2018 or whenever. I see your posts. I don’t know what to say. I’m also a nobody out here. I don’t know what you need exactly, but obviously there’s a lot of things that you don’t have control over. idk if you feel like everything I’m saying is garbage, in which case I’m sorry… you can just toss this out/delete it. also sorry for the huge block of text! I’m on my phone and formatting is a chore for stream of conscious thoughts. I think tumblr isn’t a good medium for talking to ppl and getting convos started. I never seem to be able to hold one on this app. but also I’m the type of person that doesn’t reach out to other ppl. but that’s not because I don’t care about my “friends.” reaching out is awkward and hard I usually skip past the pleasantries and straight into the point anyway. I’m selfish in conversations; I only initiate thoughts that I’m interested in. but I’ll reply to anyone. but as you can see, I’m on anon bc I’m painfully shy and not sure how you’ll receive this and I’m self-conscious enough to not want you, someone who is mostly a stranger, to hate me. after all, you didn’t seem to respond to that other anon very well. someone reached out to you! but your reply once again emphasized your own loneliness and feelings of neurotic self-hatred/self-deprecation. did you feel any joy at all in receiving that anon? I’m not sure who they are, but they also did the painful, awkward, and hard thing of reaching out to a stranger struggling on the internet. did you ignore the fact that behind that anon, there was a person who was at least a little bit concerned for you? I wonder who they were. do you? I’m no good at this, and I don’t know if anything would help you right now. I don’t have all the free time in the world, and I’m typing this on my commute home from classes. when I get home I’m going to have dinner, do homework, go to bed, then wake up and go to classes again tmr morning; I only reply to texts when I have the energy. I hope things get better for you. or that you, yourself, makes things better, somehow?
I didnt mean my reply as an attack on that anon. I don't really know what to say. I spend so much energy just fighting to get away from the thoughts and its exhausting and sometimes I fail. I cannot just poof them away. It's not like I dont try.
It's hard to just stop thinking about the people I cared about. It's like a gaping hole in me.
I'm sorry for how I sounded.
I dont hate anyone on tumblr dot com. And I dont take anons in bad faith unless they're obviously trolling.
I mean this in a non-aggressive non-blamey way, but it is really hard to be told I deserve happiness from anons or people who can otherwise quickly wash their hands of me. Again. Not blaming anyone. Please do not take that wrong. If my brain would let me, I could be far more appreciative, but it is hard for me and that is why.
I've always sucked at communicating.
Also, non-important, but I dont have any desire to find new fandoms. I do not think I have the capacity to be a blank slate. Nor do I feel particularly like the person who could make friends anymore because of how much I've been hurt. This guilt crawls in and the second I show my ass, it's all over. I've done the dance since I started posting online. It's only lately I've completely lost everything.
And that's on top of all the shit in my real life.
Everyone has their own problems and I really do want to stop caring if I'm alone because that's just how life is for the most part. I do not want to be a burden, and ironically I'm making things worse and turning into one against my own will. I do not know why it's so hard. It would just be nice if I had someone to take my hand and say "let's watch a movie together" or you know. The internet equivalent.
Again. No hate. No blame. I just do not know how to communicate.
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ryuusjacket · 2 years
Text
okay so i wanted to share this post that i made a while back from my personal nsfw blog but i feel kinda embarrassed just reblogging it here and showing off the url to that blog publicly (i. literally have like 2 maybe 3 followers on this blog so far lmao) even tho like. i Do share the url w ppl who i trust and who Want to read long ass posts that go into indepth descriptions of my sexual identity, my sexual health, my desires/feelings with regards to sex, and my experiences w sex (w myself bc idk how to initiate a sexual encounter w another human being). you're welcome to dm me for the url if ur Really interested in reading turbo tmi content (it is all text btw. idk how to take nudes so those don't exist sorry)
ANYWAY i sometimes do thought dumps on there that involve nsfw topics like smut fanfic n stuff, so i've tried to brainstorm for my planned sskk fic on there before and well i actually found a wordy one i did where i rlly tried to explain in detail just exactly i Want to create and accomplish w this fic idea of mine. and even just re-reading the post myself, i found it to be very concise and illustrative of my goal for the fic's overall mood and tone. it was a very well-needed reminder for me to read my thought process from a month or so back when i was a bit more hyped to begin this project.
so yeah! anyway im just gonna copy and paste the whole damn post here bc i think it's an interesting read and good presentation of my inner thoughts wrt to what i'm hoping to write (hopefully) someday soon. and really... this fic idea is still barely in its infancy like there's still SO MUCH left to brainstorm and plan out like fuck!!! it's still too early to even start an outline doc (and that's like one of my fave parts of the fic writing process)
oh and some background context: a few months ago there was an event on twitter/ao3 (not sure if here on tumblr? i unfortunately don't follow many or any bsd/sskk blogs at ALL yet) for bottom akutagawa week which was HEAVEN for me 🥰🥰🥰 literally could not have been a better event to appeal to my interests in this fandom i s2g. and i got my hopes up that maybe i could write a lil fic in time to share during the week but that unfortunately didn't happen. anyway here's the post:
so i might not be able to write the bsd smut fic i was initially hoping to publish during the bottom aku fan week this week... but that doesn't mean i have to give up on this fic project completely! if anything now i don't have to worry about meeting an irrefutable deadline and i can technically do anything i want. so yeah i still wanna write this fic.
but first. i have to figure out What The Fuck i'm gonna write lmao cause i still don't fucking know. i was Intending to do a < 4k word one-shot fluffy getting together that somehow... transitions into a sex scene. and i still wanna do that... but i just. don't rlly have any specific detail or image or moment or dialogue line in mind to start building a story from. AND LIKE yeaH i know that sounds dumb cause it's like. if i don't have ANYTHING fantasized yet then WHY AM I EVEN BOTHERING to start this fic at all!?
.......im not really sure tbh lmao
nah it's cause i love these dudes and i wanna write something for them and interact w the sskk fan community.
i literally just. need to figure out the BARE BONES premise to this dang fic. like where tf is it gonna take place? is it mid/post-mission? is it at one of their flats? also WHERE are they gonna HAVE SEX???? im actually a big fan of sex scenes happening in non-conventional places (e.g. some dusty ass room in an abandoned building they were investigating or in a public restroom oR FUckinG in an airplane holy shit i haven't seen that one done yet lmao MILE HIGH CLUB ONE-SHOT LETS GOO) but yea idk maybe i should just. keep it simple and do what every other fic does and let them get down at ryuu's place in his luxuriously huge bed (that hasn't canonically been shown, let alone wherever he lives)
i should AT LEAST settle on how fast this fic is gonna be paced. tbh i kinda Always prefer sskk's first time being a bit... feverish and rushed. it just suits them best. maybe there’s a little angst or miscommunication of feelings/intentions thrown in before they Eventually get their shit/feelings together. but anyway i don’t wanna write that lmao that’s too complicated (but like. yeah. these are two Very complicated (i.e. traumatized) guys with a VERY complicated relationship so. yeah it’s actually kinda rare/weird to imagine things working out Too smoothly for them tbh). 
while objectively that complicated/messy/aggressive type shit is their Brand, i would still like to keep things soft and gentle and Nice. that stuff is Not Impossible w these two ofc. it’s... tricky, but def possible. and i wanna achieve That. a getting together that is soft, hesitant, shy, and puts a heavy emphasis on Both of these men’s inexperience wrt romance and sex (that. is. my. Shit. they are both virgins and absolutely clueless and i Refuse to accept anything other than that. ......okay no... that’s not rlly true... basically all of my fave fics have a somewhat experienced atsushi and that’s okay bc like. how else is he gonna be able to Take Care of ryuu if he doesn’t already have an idea of how to take care of someone during sex? anyway ryuu is the most virginal virgin of all virgins to exist THAT IS INDISPUTABLE!!!!!)
so. i guess what i’m wondering is... how fast can i manage to pace the flow of the story while still keeping it soft overall. cause i don’t feel like writing a super super hot n filthy sex scene that’s charged and exhilarating and just a fucking blur of fucking. i wanna write feely, emotional sex. an aching intimate exchange of trust between them, still laced w hesitance and anxiety and sheer disbelief that this is really happening and that they can have this. both of them express unwavering consideration for each other’s comfort, constantly asking for consent and reassuring the other that “yes, i want this. yes, that feels good. yes yes yes.” they’re both taking careful, yet still enthusiastic, steps together. TENDERNESS is my ultimate goal here.
so yeah anyway i’ll try to keep thinking about this and hopefully i can actually come up w some ideas that i wanna implement into whatever this fic eventually becomes. just haven’t had enough time.... or horniess.... to get down to some real brainstorming yet lmao
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tundrainafrica · 3 years
Note
You haven't read the manga?..... If you only read the cherry picked levihan moments then let me tell you (not sending this with ill intend btw) that for every small Levihan moment there's a big eruri one. Like that convo where he shuts hange out after it was said about her crush on shadis? Levi actually talks afterwards about how he wants Hange to take over the rots mission and for Erwin to stay tucked in safe.
When Hange was hurt during the uprising the moment he sees Erwin he's just nonchalant about? And yes she said she was okay and he was mad about her being hurt in the first place, but the looks he gives erwin not only this moment but throughout? Not really platonic tbh...
Or the falling debris scene where he seems distracted? Yes he's thinking about hange's safety but the worried look is at Erwin's direction on the wall.
And also in chuugaku, there's a chapter about Erwin and Levi's relationship, exposition provided by Hange herself, where it's pretty much implied that Levi has the hots for him (complete with a bottom levi joke). Like he's the only member of the "home-making" club headed by Erwin where he basically cleans and cooks for him while erwin reads his paper like they're a couple and they've put marks like: don't search eruri on tumblr/ao3 haha.
Point is while levihan is a ship that's MAYBE canon, there's a lot more concrete evidence for eruri. The only thing that throws it off is there's no discussion about Erwin's feelings nowhere that could be interpreted as romantic. And combine that with his crush for dok's wife back in the day maybe he wasn't into Levi the same way/ maybe bi, we'll never know.
But Levi legit was in love with him.
What strengthens levihan on the other hand is that hange is transparent about her feelings for Levi. And if you take the last chapters into consideration then levi could have reciprocated them. It wasnt framed as clear as his feelings for Erwin though imo.
I'm not against either ship and think they're both precious, but levihan is a lot harder to read into and it makes me sad their romantic relationship wasn't more developed if romance was what Isayama hinted yo towards the end. Maybe yams left levihan up to interpretation deliberately? Maybe we read too much into it and it's not really there? Maybe eruri was queerbaiting? Maybe both are canon and Levi's just swings both ways? Idk the answers to any of that and unless the author comes clean we'll never be sure about levihan a hundred percent. Less doubts about eruri though...
Anyways, no hard feelings and I really LOVE your fanfics! Hope you have a very nice day and continue writing!
I have been looking for the right time to go through this ask because this ask just kinda made me think but not like about anything against the eruri ship. Like go ahead, ship eruri and feel free to meta eruri in my anon inbox but like the arguments here are a bit wishy washy.
Like that convo where he shuts hange out after it was said about her crush on shadis? Levi actually talks afterwards about how he wants Hange to take over the rots mission and for Erwin to stay tucked in safe.
Well, of course he would ask Erwin to stay tucked safe. Erwin is literally missing one arm and Hange was the most competent person to lead in the field at that point in time. How is this related to romance? I mean, if you wanna play the romance game, remember that Levi was legit injured, he could barely stand and he still forced himself to stand up to talk to Hange.
When Hange was hurt during the uprising the moment he sees Erwin he's just nonchalant about? And yes she said she was okay and he was mad about her being hurt in the first place, but the looks he gives erwin not only this moment but throughout? Not really platonic tbh...
Levi literaly gave the most poker 'pokerface' in this scene and I do not understand how it could be seen as not platonic. If we're talking about non platonic looks then maybe we should look for a scene where Levi's biting his lip seductively because let's face it, all the looks Levi gave Erwin, Hange and Petra could all be interpreted as platonic, we're all just a bunch of shippers trying to find the romance and the canonicity for our favorite ship lmao.
Or the falling debris scene where he seems distracted? Yes he's thinking about hange's safety but the worried look is at Erwin's direction on the wall.
Yeah, because people like to stare at someone else while worrying about a particular someone's safety. I dunno but what if Levi was worried about both of them? Why do we have to blatantly disregard the fact that he explicitly mentioned 'Hange' in that scene and shoehorn Erwin's position in that scene.
And also in chuugaku, there's a chapter about Erwin and Levi's relationship, exposition provided by Hange herself, where it's pretty much implied that Levi has the hots for him (complete with a bottom levi joke). Like he's the only member of the "home-making" club headed by Erwin where he basically cleans and cooks for him while erwin reads his paper like they're a couple and they've put marks like: don't search eruri on tumblr/ao3 haha.
Levi is literally an implied minor in chuugakkou and Erwin is a teacher. Nothing else needs to be said.
Point is while levihan is a ship that's MAYBE canon, there's a lot more concrete evidence for eruri. The only thing that throws it off is there's no discussion about Erwin's feelings nowhere that could be interpreted as romantic. And combine that with his crush for dok's wife back in the day maybe he wasn't into Levi the same way/ maybe bi, we'll never know.
But Levi legit was in love with him.
The flawed evidence above will only make for a flawed conclusion.
What strengthens levihan on the other hand is that hange is transparent about her feelings for Levi. And if you take the last chapters into consideration then levi could have reciprocated them. It wasnt framed as clear as his feelings for Erwin though imo.
As someone who has watched the show and read the manga and discussed this with people, none of my casual watcher friends even noticed Eruri crumbs. A lot of them didn't notice Levihan crumbs either so hey, we both lose here I guess.
I'm not against either ship and think they're both precious, but levihan is a lot harder to read into and it makes me sad their romantic relationship wasn't more developed if romance was what Isayama hinted yo towards the end. Maybe yams left levihan up to interpretation deliberately? Maybe we read too much into it and it's not really there? Maybe eruri was queerbaiting? Maybe both are canon and Levi's just swings both ways?
My personal take on this and the takes of a lot of casual watchers I have talked to is, Levihan has more crumbs than Eruri but maybe it only got development given the circumstances post season 3 since Levi and Hange were working closely together. If Erwin didn't die, maybe there could have been more Eruri moments. I haven't seen enough though and I cannot so hastily conclude that Levi was in love with Erwin.
Levi could have in love with both of them. Or just one of them.
And yeah, maybe Levihans are reading too much into it. But so what if we read too much into it?
I like them. I will continued reading too much into relationships which I believe could have been healthy and could have had a great dynamic if they pushed through as something romantic.
The point of getting into a relationship is for two people to come out of it better people and I will continue to ship a couple which I think is sending a good message to others regardless of whether or not it was framed clearly enough for people to see the 'romance.'
'Living together' with someone may not be as clear as sex or a kiss for a lot of people but I think it runs MUCH MUCH MUCH deeper. Sex and kisses are a dime a dozen. Commitment and Cooperation are diamonds.
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har-rison-s · 3 years
Text
stellars: 4
a/n: so. times are a-changing in the glade and between the oc and the boys… let’s see where the night takes us, shall we? ;) oh! i have some bad news. well, bad for me, not for you guys :D my laptop has completely died, i can open exactly none of the programmes, and while studies are on-campus instead of online, my school won’t compensate me with a laptop for the school year (it’s not like my laptop died because of the horribly big and battery, time and storage consuming programmes i needed to get just for school, no, not at all)… so currently i can’t do any of my homeworks and have to write in my ipad and phone, which is VERY irritating. swear to god, editing and posting on tumblr and on ao3 is so annoying through my ipad. ofc i’m thankful for one, but everything was much easier on a laptop. i hate capitalism and my school. anyways, happy reading!
my paypal if you’d like to support me like that (i’d appreciate anything, as i’m saving up for uni next year :’))
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warnings: bit of angst, descriptions of alcohol consumption, mentions of fears, idk?? nothing else
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Now, every Glader knows that during or right after dinner, the Doors to the Maze close. They always do, with no exception. The only thing that might change in that routine is how much on time Frypan manages to make meals for everyone. As mentioned, the Doors close either during or after dinner, but they always close on precisely the same time. Every day, all week, all month, all year and so forth.
Remembering about their friends out there, Newt and Thomas can barely eat dinner. The girl has to almost force them to eat. Thomas’ leg is bouncing up and down next to her under the table, and Newt is checking both his watch and the Doors and the placement of the sun almost every second. She has to talk them into eating at least half of their portion, and eventually they only have a few bites, and she gives the rest to Chuck and Frypan himself, who are both the hungriest of the bunch.
The two boys can’t wait a second longer, with the Doors about to close any second, so they jump up from the table, almost flipping it over from the impact, only managing to juggle it a bit and getting a response of groans and slight protests from the others, before they make a run towards the nearest doors. She sighs, letting them do whatever they need to, though the worry and anxiety are both growing inside of her, too. Minho and Alby out in the Maze, lost, tired, alone, potentially hurt—stung—by the creatures Thomas called the Grievers. After finishing her meal, she decides to join her friends at the entrance.
She’s not the only one, though, as most of the Gladers round up behind Thomas, Newt and her at the Doors, and they all intently watch the hallway. She realises it’s the first time she’s standing so close to an entrance of the Maze. She takes note of how tall and high the walls are, how far the hallway goes, and that there are hallways sectioning off from the main one, both to the left and the right. Ivy is crawling over the walls here and there, and the stone is green or a darker grey at parts. It’s dirty, and has probably never been washed, the whole Maze. Who would think to do that, anyway?
A wind blows from the inside of the Maze. Cold wind, it whistles as it goes past the Gladers’ ears, it moves the ivy slightly where it touches upon. The wind is lonely, cold, but feels like a warning to her. A sudden thought comes into her mind. It’s the north wind. Could be around ten to fifteen miles per hour. How does she know that? How can she tell that much just from a breeze?
The concrete walls start to move, taking everyone aback with its suddenness and loud noise. “They’re really screwed now,” one of the Gladers says aloud, talking about Minho and Alby. She bites her lip out of worry. Once those walls close, they can’t get out until morning. And if those creatures are out there with the boys… Who knows what can happen. There’s no sight of Alby and Minho, not even in the far distance. The walls slowly move towards each other, leaving a good minute or two until they touch together and close completely for the night.
Newt and Thomas intently watch the Maze, and Thomas finally spots some movement at the furthest end of the main hallway. “There!” He points, and everyone looks to where his hand is leading. There are groans to be heard, even over the incredible noise of the grinding walls, groans of pain and even shouts. Then Newt spots the moving figures. And she finally sees them, too. It’s Minho and Alby, but they’re moving so slow. Why are they walking so slow?
She realises in a moment that they’re barely walking at all. The one who is walking is Minho, and he’s carrying Alby at his right shoulder. Alby’s form is slumped and not moving at all. Could he be unconscious? “What’s wrong with him?” She voices her worry, her voice full of it.
“Has Alby been stung?” Thomas asks, looking to Newt. But the second-in-command only looks towards his struggling friends in the Maze, not saying anything. If he starts to speak, he fears he might just break down. The walls move closer and closer to each other.
“Come on, Minho, you can do it!” Comes an encouraging yell from Chuck, and other Gladers join him in cheering for the Keeper. But the two boys aren’t moving closer to the Doors. Well, they barely are. She almost cries out at the frustration she feels. How can we help them?
“They’re not gonna make it,” Thomas states quietly, and a single bizarre, horrifying idea pops into his mind. Alby and Minho need help. They have to get home. They’ll die if they stay in the Maze over night, so will anyone else. Maybe he can make a difference. Thomas takes a deep breath and exhales it just as deeply, readying himself for what he’s about to do.
Everyone around him is so focused on cheering for Minho and hoping he’ll make it back with Alby in time that it takes a few seconds for them to realise what Thomas is doing. He moves towards the Doors, squeezing inbetween them in the last seconds. Upon realising what the boy has done, the girl screams in terror, her and Newt’s arms both reaching after Thomas, but knowing they shouldn’t. Knowing that they can’t follow him, or help him, anymore.
The Glader crowd erupts into chaos of screams and yells after Thomas, and the last glimpse she catches of him is his dark sillhoutte squeezing through the moving Doors and then being enveloped by the darkening Maze. The Doors close with a loud boom right after Thomas gets inside, and a dead silence falls upon the crowd. They can’t believe what just happened. She can’t even blink, she feels like she can’t breathe, she feels like Thomas took all her breath and heartbeat with him when he entered the Maze. All the other Doors have closed, too, and Thomas has been left inside the deadly Maze with two other Gladers, one of them wounded.
She is the first to act out from all the Gladers, she hits her hands against the stone walls before collapsing in front of them. Her cries and sobs come next, her chest heaves with ragged breaths. She can’t believe what’s happened. Thomas willingly ran into the Maze at the last second. He ran, perhaps, straight into the welcoming arms of death. Who knows if he’ll survive, or how long he will. Had he hoped to get inside and back out with Minho and Alby in time? Who knows if she’ll ever see him again.
She screams Thomas’ name, hoping he can hear her. For what, she doesn’t know, there’s nothing a scream will do for him in this situation. She hits her palms against the walls and barely sees herself doing so, her hot tears burning her eyes and blurring her vision. Out of her shock, she can’t even feel Newt’s gentle, tugging hands on her shoulders. He lifts her up and pulls her away from the walls, as long as she is willing, as long as she’s in this sort of catatonic state. Thomas just left, shocking Newt and her as good as any other Glader.
And yet, perhaps in some selfish way, they hold a closer bond to Thomas than the others. And Newt’s wondering why did Thomas run out there, knowing well the danger that lies within the Maze, especially at night. “That was bloody stupid of him,” he says aloud, not really to anyone in particular, or for ears to hear him, anyway. His eyebrows are drawn together and he changes his hold on her shoulders to just putting a comforting arm around her. She hooks her arms around his torso, holding onto him for almost her dear life. They walk, or rather Newt walks her, to the bonfire place, where torches are laying around, waiting to be set alight by fire. The finished totem hangs on a support system made from other branches, the empty, black eyes of its skull head looking more ominous than before. The festivity.
Newt sighs as he sits her down on one of the benches. He doesn’t really know what to do. He doesn’t want to leave her alone, but he has to have a talk with the other Keepers, the ones left in the Glade. Minho and Alby were two of the most important Keepers, and now they’re in the Maze, their fate as obvious as anything. And Thomas… losing such a young and striving soul due to his own stupidity. Newt feels lost. His best friends are all trapped in the Maze, with no way to escape and a slim chance to survive. What a waste.
Newt looks for any signs of life or response in her eyes, and finds barely any. He squats down in front of her and puts his hands on her shoulders again, and she turns her slow gaze to him. “Don’t go anywhere, alright?” He requests in a soft voice. “I’ll have a talk with the other shucks, and we’ll…” he draws a breath in, looking away for a moment. It serves nada to her own courage or hopefulness, “we’ll decide what to do.” She nods her head and draws her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and making Newt’s hands fall back to his sides. He stands up, gives her a court look and walks towards the crowd of Gladers, sighing deeply. “Please, settle down, everyone…”
His words fade away to her ears, almost as if she’d swam under a surface of water, and now every sound above it is bubbled and smudged. She stares at the totem, she seems to do so for an eternity. Thomas left. Thomas went into the Maze, and there’s zero chance of his return, moreso a succesful one. She sighs, her lip trembling and her eyes threatening to gather with tears. But before she could have begun to cry, Newt’s soft touch to her shoulder returns, as does the boy himself. She forgets her worries for a millisecond and looks to him, scooting to the side to let him sit beside her. Newt stares at the not-yet-ablaze bonfire and sighs quietly.
“Well, there’s… nothing we can really do ‘xcept wait,” he tells her, pulling his lips together in nervousness, wary to meet her eyes which he know will be disappointed. “The others don’t mind having the festivity, especially Gally.” Newt looks to the boy in question, who has gathered his friends around the torches and is even seen smiling and laughing, across the bonfire place where Newt and the girl sit. She sighs, clenches her jaw to avoid tears from spilling and sobs from breaking out. She can barely look at Gally, wondering how he’s so cheery in a situation like this. “Wouldn’t be right without Alby,” Newt says, “or Minho,” he shrugs, admitting the fact to himself, “or Thomas.” He sighs again. She can’t imagine how he must be feeling. His friends, who he’s known for a long time, out in the dangerous Maze.
“Alby’s the leader, yeah?” She asks in a soft whisper, and Newt looks at her, his brown orbs connecting with her glassy eyes. He nods.
“Yeah, that’s right,” Newt says and exhales deeply, “but, then again,” he argues, “everyone could use a little distraction for their worried minds.” He states, and then looks at her, gently poking her foot with his knee. “Including you.” She gives him the attempt at a smile, blinking away her tears and looking to the bonfire.
“You more than me, Newt,” she tells him. A look flashes over Newt’s eyes that she can’t quite explain. Gally has rounded up his mates to set the bonfire ablaze, all of them standing around the totem in a circle, lit torches in hand. With a count to three, they set the bonfire alight and cheer.
“To the Greenie!” Gally calls out, and raises his torch to her, as if in a salute, and she nods back at him with a shy smile. She watches him walk away, towards where Newt, Thomas and she placed the boxes of jars and glasses. He walks over to Newt and her only a few moments later, giving them each a glass full of something the color of brown. She raises her eyebrows, confused, and looks up at the Builder. “You look strong enough for this. Cheers.” He says and raises his own glass in a cheer before walking away.
Newt’s lips hold a fond smile on them, and he looks to the girl. He doesn’t want to jump to any conclusions, but amidst the misery of their evening, she seems to be a beacon of all things good. He bumps her glass with his own, and they lock eyes again. “To you,” he says, “Greenie.” Newt grins, already having noticed that she’s not completely fond of the nickname. She rolls her eyes jokingly and gives his shoulder a gentle push with her elbow. “Perhaps this will jug your memory a bit,” he offers, raising a suggesting eyebrow and she just shrugs.
“What is this, after all?” She asks, her mind swirling with not really memories, but concepts of drinking, concepts of parties. Has she ever been to a party in her life, before this? Who was she with? Was she drinking? Has she ever drank alcohol before? Should she? She doesn’t even know how old she is. Maybe this won’t be for the best… But then again, her world’s almost coming to an end, so what’s this silly old drink gonna do to make it worse?
Newt shrugs. “Gally’s recipe.” He tells her casually. “A trade secret, apparently.” He adds.
“Drink it first, then,” she ushers, “I still don’t know if I can trust you. You might be trying to poison me, after all.” She shrugs, and sends Newt a wink. He laughs, glad to see her back on her feet, even if partly, and leans lower so only she could hear his next words.
“Ladies first.” Newt tells her, and she looks at him with a gaze that questions him being serious.
“Together, then.” She states her final offer, and Newt agrees with a nod. They both straighten their backs and clink their glasses together before taking a swig each. She still keeps an eye on Newt to see that the liquid touches his lips first. It does, and she smiles as she takes her first sip.
The drink is fine at first, but then comes a horrendous, shocking aftertaste of stale that makes her almost spit it all out. But she keeps it in and masks her suffering with a strong facial expression, and masters it quite well. Newt is once again, for the millionth time in the day, pleasantly surprised by her, and, sort-of taken off-guard, as well, he watches her gulp down half of her glass like a champ. “Good job!” He pats her on the back as he cheers for her. She wishes he wouldn’t have done that, because now all the Gladers at the bonfire heard his cheer and are joining him, all shouting encouragements and words of welcome to her. It makes her flustered, she blushes incredulously, but nods and thanks them as much as she has breath for.
She leans closer to Newt and whispers to him, suddenly smelling the aroma of wood and grass in his ginger-blonde hair, “can we go somewhere off?” She requests, and then draws back to look at him, to see his reaction. He’s surprised that she wants to leave the festivity thrown for her, but nods. He has an idea of where they might go. They both stand up, glasses in hand, and Newt leads her away from the bonfire. She looks shyly to him as they walk, a gentle smile on her lips as she watches the tall boy. She likes him, she’s decided that. She likes Newt quite a lot, and will continue to until he’ll give her a reason not to. Which, for now, she doubts will ever happen.
“Might be a far stretch, but,” he starts to say once out of earshot of the others, “we can sit by the Doors and try to stay up until sunrise.” Newt proposes his idea, and she hums.
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“That’s a great thought,” she compliments him, and he smiles sheepishly to himself. They soon reach the entrance to the Maze that Thomas disappeared through only some twenty or thirty minutes ago. The night has set in quick, a cloud of stars already clearly visible in the dark blue night sky. She looks up. She finds a visual sort-of home in the sky, looking at the stars and constellations. Like she’s returning to it. Constellations? How does she know those? Looking at the stars, looking intently at them seems so familiar to her. She finds an urge to write something down, find something out. But what? “I won’t be able to sleep tonight, anyway, so might as well stay up for a cause.” She admits quietly.
Newt finds a spot for them in the tall grass and sighs out as he sits down. She places her glass by her left leg, knowing it’s safe there, a couple centimetres away from her, and lays down on her back, crossing her arms under her head to have some support for it. Newt leans back on his elbows and looks up to where her eyes are looking. The sky. “Did you know that… there are at least eighty-eight constellations in the sky that we can see?” She asks him in a soft, wondering voice. She questions where this knowledge even comes from.
“Uh…” Newt tries to find the proper words to say. “Honestly, no.” He admits. “Constellations… how do you—“
“The most common ones that we can see from here are… Ursa Major and Minor.” She continues, without any hesitation, as if she hadn’t heard what he’d said at all. “The Minor one is… Hmm. Do you see the bright star, the brightest of them all?”
He spots the one she’s talking about, and it helps that she’s pointing at it, too. “Yeah.”
“Well, that’s Polaris. Supposedly, the North Star.” She clears her throat. “Wherever you might be in the world, if you can see Polaris, it will guide you to the North. You can always see it once the sun sets, because it’s one of the first stars that appears brightest up there.” She gulps. “So, Ursa Minor begins with Polaris, and goes a slightly crooked line upwards, that ends with an uneven rectangle of other stars. Can you see it?”
Newt has to concentrate, but he does spot the figure. He nods. “Amazing…” he ponders. There truly is a small box form with a sort-of tail at its bottom in the sky, all made out of stars. “Sorry, but how do you know all this?” He turns his head to look at her, wanting to see her true reaction, her true feelings. She shrugs, her face looking more cheerful than before, she’s still looking up at the sky. It seems that either the glow of the stars or the moon, or both, casts a pale light onto her face.
“Don’t you? It’s… I thought everyone knew this,” she admits in a whisper. But Newt shakes his head, his brown eyes meeting hers afterwards. To his knowledge, he and the Gladers know about the existence of a sun, a moon, and a sky full of stars. Nothing further. “I have no idea how I know,” she says, “it just… came out.” Her shoulders shrug. “As if it’s always been there, but was somehow locked or… put away.” She explains.
“Well,” Newt settles into a sitting position, leaning his torso over his bent knees, “whatever’s inside Gally’s drink, it’s working.” He tells her, and they both chuckle. She nods.
“Must be.” She agrees. “Maybe I should drink more, and I’ll just… remember everything.”
“And then forget it the next morning,” Newt jokes, to which she laughs again.
“And you know what…” she says after indeed taking another sip from her glass, “there are ten other planets in our universe, in the Solar System.” She puts her hands behind her and leans on her arms, sighing. “Two of them have shown potential for hosting humans and over-all life on them.” She gasps, wondering what the hell it could mean. Her having this knowledge, knowing these facts… There seems to be something else there, something that comes after it, but what? It seems like a balloon that she’s chasing in the wind, the thought or next facts are the balloon, but it’s flown too far away for her to reach anymore.
Newt looks to her over his shoulder, and allows himself a smile. “D’you mean we live on a planet right now and could travel and live on another one, if we had what we needed?” He makes sure and she nods, her eyes alight and eager. Newt shakes his head with that boyish smile still on his lips. “That’s too much information to process.” He admits with a deep exhale, and she only chuckles.
“I have a feeling there’s more where that came from.” She admits, and then sighs, looking at Newt. “I think the drink is working. I feel a bit… fuzzy.” She says and sits up straight, like Newt, hoping it will clear her head a bit. She looks around them, looks at the Glade behind them, at the bonfire in the center. Everything moves slower, including her own head. “This place…” she shakes it, “it’s scary.”
“Scary?” Newt echoes, shocked. “If you think this is scary, you’ll never make two steps into the Maze.” He tells her.
“No, I know, I meant…” she sighs, feeling like she can’t say exactly what she wants to, “there’s something… something under all this that is very scary. I don’t know, perhaps it’s just a feeling, but… everything is, really.” She shakes her head softly, and then realises she’s told Newt something that she’d only prefer to tell Thomas. Maybe Newt now sees her as suspicious. “Sorry, I… didn’t mean for that to slip out.”
He blanks a bit at this remark, thinking her words nothing really out of the ordinary. Definitely not at all dangerous, but instead… interesting and, perhaps, even telling of this place. Maybe she knows something useful. “It’s… fine,” he tells her, his voice hitting a slight crack towards the end. Newt shrugs his shoulders and turns to sit facing her, his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. He leans backwards on his arms, much like she has done, and looks at her. Her eyebrows are furrowed.
“I’m not fragile, you know,” she tells him, quickly glancing up to his eyes for half a second, and Newt tilts his head, trying to grasp onto her thought, “everyone here treats me so… nicely, as if they’re afraid I’ll break from a raising of someone’s voice.” She says and chuckles to herself. “Just because I’m the only girl… the girl.” She states and looks up at the sky again. Newt watches her, intently and gladly listening. “Gender stereotypes must still be imprinted into our minds, I suppose,” she shrugs, “and to some extent, I think you’re all afraid of me.”
Newt grins wide. “Why?” Now she feels like she’s said too much.
“Well, maybe you should be, I know myself as little as any of you.” She shrugs. “But… I don’t know, maybe some of you think things will be different, now that a girl is sent up here. You don’t know whether to be excited or scared.” Her words start to slow, almost slurring together, and Newt’s grin stretches wider. She situates herself on her side, pushing her bent arm under her head for it to rest more comfortably. Newt tilts his head slightly. Her eyes are drooping closed. “But not you.” She says in a voice that suddenly reminds Newt of honey. Or the concept of it. Has he ever tasted honey before? Do they have it here? “Not Thomas.”
He sighs quietly at that, Thomas’ name bringing back the events of tonight. His teeth poke at the inside of his lips, wanting to gnaw at the flesh out of stress. “How are we two different from the others, then, do you think?” He questions, his own voice growing softer than usual. He can’t help doing that around her, especially when she’s in such a sleepy and lovely state. Her shoulders shrug softly.
“You’re protecting me, that’s what I think,” she says, “you’re my friends, I’d like to think.” She smiles, her eyes closed, and she can’t see, but Newt is smiling, too. “But… I don’t know. Don’t you think Thomas is different, anyway? Like…” she snuggles into herself more, her knees gently pulling upwards toward her chest, “like over-all different from everyone else?”
Newt tilts his head from side to side, then nods. “I guess he is.” He agrees. “Think I noticed it right off the bat, when he came up, but didn’t… acknowledge it until you just asked.” He admits, and a smile tugs at his lips. She, having drifted off to sleep almost completely already, also smiles.
“I like your voice, Newt,” she whispers, “I could listen to you talk forever, about whatever…”
He hums. “I don’t have half as much to say as you do,” he argues, “you with your constellations and planets.” Newt shakes his head, and looks up at the sky above them again. So many shining white spots up there, so far above them, above the ground. Do they have purpose being there, like the Gladers do, living in the Maze? What do the stars shine for? Or who?
Naturally, Newt awaited some sort of response from the girl laying in front of him, and upon not hearing anything, he looks back down at her and discovers she’s drifted off to sleep. He sighs quietly, but smiles as he does so. She needs the rest. Sleepless nights are the worst, and Newt’s even surprised she could last the whole day without just falling asleep while eating lunch with the others or wrapping the branches together at the bonfire. He allows himself a grin, but then rises to his feet—stumbling a bit and almost falling over as he does so—to walk over to the sleeping quarters. She’ll need a blanket.
Maybe he should just carry her to her assigned hammock, he thinks then, and pulls himself to a stop. He looks over his shoulder at her sleeping form, and even hears soft snores from her. Not really snores, though, just loud breaths in and out. He sees that her and Thomas have already formed some sort of bond. They seem somehow connected. Newt sees the unexplainable, fascinating stares they give each other, and he recalls what Thomas told him during the day.
“There’s something about her that I can’t explain. Some… pull.”
Whatever which way he meant that, Newt knows that it isn’t anything ordinary. First girl ever, and Thomas feels drawn to her? It can’t not be a coincidence. And her saying Thomas is different from all the rest, too. And Newt afterwards realising it himself. There’s something about them both that he can’t explain.
He decides to not carry her to the sleeping quarters, calculating his limp in, and that he’ll instead bring blankets from the place for them both. If Thomas makes it, if he walks through those doors tomorrow morning once they open, she’ll want to be there first. And to sleep by the incredibly loud Doors will be a good enough place to wake up on time to witness Thomas, Minho and Alby’s return. If there will be one. Newt sighs, heavy thoughts burdening his mind as he stalks towards the hammocks. These have been some weird past two days.
He watches the calm expression of sleep on her features as he pulls a blanket over her form. A strand of her hair has fallen over her face, but Newt doesn’t dare to move it off. He wouldn’t risk waking her up, and giving her another sleepless night. He’s glad she’s fallen asleep. Perhaps it was Gally’s trade recipe, perhaps it was him talking to her, and maybe it was her telling him about the constellations and planets, even if not a lot. Whatever it was, it helped lull her nervous mind to sleep.
Newt situates himself a good two feet away from her, and lays on his better side, draping the blanket he chose for himself over his figure. He discovers it too short for his long legs, which he hopes won’t be frozen off during the night. But he’s much too tired to move again, to get himself a different one. His body is calling for sleep, too, so he complies.
part five?
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