#idk anymore lolol bye

[decapitated-sticker]

WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

No bcs I could litterally go on a rant on why bfidi/bfdia are sooo much better than bfb and tpot (IMO) cuz what the actual flip

Ermm so for starters bfdi is litterally the starting off point!! You don't have bfb or tpot without having bfdi first. And it's the only season so far the finished like an actual season with all the original cast members not being split up.

I love bfdi/bfdia BECAUSE of its like,,,rawness ig?? Like how organic it is. The two shows are passion projects and you can tell!! Not to say that tpot and bfb aren't, but they kind of loose some of that raw value that you find in bfdi and bfdia. And ik some people are like "oml it's just ur nostalgia🤓 he he hem hem" like yeah, I first watched bfdi/mainy bfdia when I was a kid and though the memories of it aren't clear, they are still prominent. I litterally started saying "jk kidding" because of pencil. (Among others quotes) And I feel like I still remember those quotes and little scenes now because they're just more memorable!! And that's bcs they're just better imo!! And i think theyre better because of how much creativity was poured into it!!

I don't wanna be that person that hates on new fans but like, alot of them tend to shit of bfdi and bfida and it's just so infuriating because those are the ones that are a product of true passion and creativity!! and yeah, maybe the humor isn't funny to you. Ok, whatever. It was a long time ago. And maybe the dialog is too "cringe" for you. Ok, I get that. Again, this was back in the 2010s. But it's being able to push past that and recognize that the two shows are just a product of true imagination and hard work is most important!!

Just going on a tangent here but object shows to me are expected to not be produced Iike a regular cartoon and have some errors and mistakes in them because that's how you know it's all just for fun. And I just feel like bfb and tpot loose that. Its fun, but it's not bfdi/bfdia fun. And I think this is because it became more of a career than a little side thing. Which sounds weird because it would be a dream to make object shows full time but then it's not something you can escape to anymore. IDK IF THIS MAKES SENSE BUT I HOPE IT DOES LOLOL

But yeah, disregarding bfdi and bfdia and calling them worse than their newer counterparts is disregarding what brought tpot and bfb to life in the first place.

EDIT: I also would like to add that I'm not hating on anyone who likes tpot or bfb more!! Not at all!! It's more so the people who love the newer two so much that they hate on the ogs!! And uhh since this post seems like a big new gen hate post, I'll also add that I love bfb and tpot as well! Obviously not as much as bfdi and bfdia, but I really enjoy how the two newer shows actually like, have deeper character developments! I loved watching characters I grew up watching get more screentime AND more depth!! Erm maybe I'll make a post on what tpot and bfb do right and why I think ppl like them more lolz

Anyway bye!!!!

NOT A HATE POST PLZ PLZ DONT TAKE IT THAT WAY😭😭😭

[celestie0]

Hello ellie! 😍 im just here to drop a ‘few’ words so don’t mind me 🤪 (i fear it may have turned into a yapsesh oopsies!)

Help omg idk if this is tmi but like im on my period and I was reading chap 3 of ihm right… and how could i prevent myself from laughing at my fav goofy ahh lighthearted romcom series on tumblr? 😔 put 2 and 2 together and boom i had my ketchup bottle moment when reading the dialogue bye 💀🤚 I LITERALLY HAD TO STOP FOR A MOMENT TO PROCESS WTH JUST HAPPENED LOL

Anyway, i rlly LOVEEEE your writing style for ihm,, the goofiness n domesticity is what I need as therapy for the heart wrenching angst fics ive read 😤 the way you write y/n + gojo’s dynamic and quarrels never fail to make me crack up like an egg and i love you for that 😔 THANK YOU FOR CREATING A COMFORT FIC FOR US ALL 🥺🫶

I hope I’m not stepping out of line here but your feelings abt the smut in ihm is totally valid and i understand you. That anon probs didn’t intend on bringing any harm but like there’s bountiful of smut in the jjk fandom that I’m sure they could have read instead of commenting smth so ignorant and disrespectful 🥲 Pls every time i search ‘jjk x reader’ in the search tab, i’m always greeted by endless posts of smut one-shots 😭 but fr this fandom actually needs to stop being a buncha horny brainrots bc im actually over repetitive and predictable smut,, everything just feels so shallow :,0 (everyone is entitled to their own opinion so dont atk me pls) and them invading your personal space by demanding smut is just not it… and we all know you don’t have to cater to them bc u don’t owe them anything! no need to listen to the smut hungry anons bc they don’t even care abt the blood, sweat and tears you pour into ur fics if they’re pushing you to write smut 😡‼️ they can go fulfil their dirty desires somewhere else ;-;

Words seriously cannot express how much I love your stories and just wanna applaud you for not immediately jumping into smut and actually having relationship buildup,, it makes the stories have sustenance and ik u want ur fics to be memorable in a unique way to your lovely readers 😇 but we seriously need a smut ban n touch grass movement in the jjk fandom for a bit bc this is getting out of hand 😭

I LOVE YOU ELLIE AND PLS DONT BE DISCOURAGED BY THESE SILLY ANONS BC AT THE END OF THE DAY THEY R NOTHING + YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM (us ACTUAL readers and gojo) WILL ALWAYS HAVE UR BACK AND SHOWER U IN THE LOVE THAT U DESERVE!!! ❤️

hiii bb!! PLEASE the ketchup bottle moment sent me to the moon also so fucking relatable xD and omg i'm so glad you enjoy the lightheartedness of ihm so far!! it's been sm fun to write and it's become a comfort fic of my own as well <33

thanks so much for the support on the smut thing <3 i've been toggling back n forth between feeling awful for coming at that anon like that vs being glad i stood up for myself lol, but ultimately, i just needed to share my perspective. i don't think they were trying to be rude either, which is why i felt bad, but i spoke my truth lol

and i totally agree w you (pls no one attack me either) but i'm honestly kind of sick of just seeing straight smut on my feed. like it's fine when i'm in the mood but the tumblr algorithm for jjk feels like your partner constantly begging you for sex 24/7 lol. but yea power to whatever someone wants to read, but don't impose it on an author.

anywho i've been talking a lot ab this situation lolol i feel like there's nothing i haven't said anymore but i totally agree w everything you've said!

thanks sm for you lovely words of support bb :'') i love u tooo and i'm so blessed to have the community of support i have on here!! this situation has definitely made me realize i'm not alone. have a wonderful dayyy (also hope your period is treating you well) <3

[gyukwons]

i feel good today because it’s my birth month yay anyway!!! will overshare in the tags (:

[memes-of-dankness]

It's just flavored water.

[jacks-old-account]

hi i saw your ship requests open👁👁 so can i like ask for a enha ship KSJDKS idek if im doing this correctly pls this is my first time 🧍

allow me to introduce myself: im a ‘05 liner and i share the same bday as sunoo (june 24th). i’m an enfp/infp. it can change but like idek myself anymore yall 🤣. anyways im 5’3-4 (i thInK-) i have long wavy black (or dark brown omg) hair and its dyed dark blue :D. also my enneagram type is 4w3 KSJSJJSKS. i have long fCkIn eyelashes and ppl say im beautiful but fr i look like a potato. my skin is whack so it turns pale every morning i wake up 😀

time for some idk useful info KSJKSKQ: so i play tennis and thats the only sport i can play (im on the intermediate level lol) i love reading and writing and overanalyzing stuff. i tend to overthink like a LoT- i am an active maladaptive daydreamer explains why i walk around a lot. i am extroverted at times and i have sense of humor (bcs im kinda dumb ye). i can also become very poetic when i analyze. i love listening to indie (like mitski lol) and yea i dont rlly have sense of fashion aTm-

anygays, my ideal person would be someone who i can vibe with. i am very moody and like i should change that abt myself. i also want someone who supports me and wOnt LeaVe LMAOSNSKDAK. my language of love is giving and recieving gifts. my ideal date would be anything- maybe cooking dates bcs srsly i only know how to fry chicken nuggets bYe-

thats all and its so long lMaoOo, take your time and thank u sm!! 😎🥰

hii!!! i hope youre doing well today!! :D

okay. tbh my gut says Jake

dude- i feel like you guys would just like… be able to sit in a room together and just vibe. maybe have some nice music playing in the background, but you both mostly doing your own thing. i personally feel like jake’s love language is also giving/receiving gifts or maybe quality time. i can also see you both trying to cook things together and it either going wonderfully due to sheer luck or you’ll burn down the kitchen lmao. i feel like jake is generally just a super soft, go with the flow kind of person. not really easy to upset and would def be able to adjust to like… any moodswings you have after a while of being around you.

also? so supportive of everything his s/o does. he would absolutely go to your tennis games solely to cheer you on. get ready to have your own personal cheer squad bc i can see him convincing some of the other members to go too lolol i can also see him being like.. one of those people who would notice whenever you start spacing out/daydreaming and maybe try to like.. provide a distraction of sorts if its rly needed. im a maladaptive daydreamer too and ik sometimes it can be not good to get caught up in your daydreams in certain situations lol

ive never done matchups before so i hope this was okay lolol ty for requesting!! i love taking requests from mutuals especially so it made me super happy to see you in my inbox :’)

[w-ngs]

jan21

hello 2021! you did not get off on a good start. let’s try and be a little better, okay?

i didn’t read much this month (and probably won’t be for a long while because of school), but it was a wild month. well, you’ll see.

***

crooked kingdom, leigh bardugo — oh my god???? i completely forgot that i read this before i left for school and almost didn’t include it in my monthly wrap-up????? how dare i forget this masterpiece.

it was great. i loved it. i think overall, i preferred 6oc because heist stories are my guilty pleasure. but romance-wise... let’s just say kaz and inej have made it to my top 10 ships. but also i read through this so fast because i had to finish it before i left that half the story is kinda just not in my brain lololol

the most intriguing part of the entire story was the anti-wraith. her character kind of came out of nowhere, and i’m not really sure she had much of a purpose than being someone who could physically match inej. i guess she was also anti in the sense that she had no respect, just ruthlessness, which is the opposite of inej and what she stands for. but i don’t know if the anti-wraith was significant enough of a character to really be considered a foil.

i don’t really give spoiler warnings because hardly anyone reads these other than myself lolol but big spoiler ahead. skip the next paragraph if you don’t want to know. cuz i accidentally spoiled it for myself before reading and i kinda ruined it for myself lmfao.

poor matthias. he was there, and then he was gone. i feel terrible for nina. they were finally on the same page, and then he had to act all saint-like and trigger some idiot into killing him. and matthias finally came to terms with what he’d been taught and what he was trying to teach himself (#charactergrowth), so he wrapped things up neatly for himself before the bye-bye. but nina, she finally got her guy on her side and they were supposed to change the world together. sigh.

and of course, we got kaz. he’s my favorite. how could he not be, with his trauma and desire to overcome it but not letting it define him and still maintaining that evil genius act he’s so good at. it definitely hit harder in this story, the extent of his trauma. it made him more real, too. both sides of him coexist, and one could not exist without the other. he’s crazy, in nearly all senses of the word. also crazy in love, the mfing idiot. ugh, i love vulnerable kaz. i love what inej brings out in him, how she knows just how hard to push without driving him over the edge. also i saw a tiktok (this app is gonna come up a lot more in the next few reviews fsjdsdfkjdf) with a photo of them kissing with a towel between their mouths because he can’t touch her but he desperately wants to and what a perfect solution is that their... bathroom scene had me holding my breath. or at least taking very shallow breaths. it was intense. so intimate, i felt like i shouldn’t even have been there. ugh, the cute little babies. uwuwuwuwuwu

one last note. leigh bardugo is a very good writer, plot and characters and all. everything flowed much more smoothly in this book, and once again i was impressed by the detail provided. you go girl. i can’t wait to see the tv series development.

a 10/10.

***

the shadows between us, tricia levenseller — literally what did i read lmaooo. this is my first tiktok book recommendation. and it. was. boring. boring characters that didn’t make much sense. boring plot. i skimmed it after the first 50 pages cause it was so boring. that’s it bye.

a 3/10.

***

manacled, senlinyu — um. wow. i literally......... even hours after finishing it my brain is still ridiculously scrambled. edit: it’s about a month later and sometimes random scenes and images still pop in my head for no reason and then i feel all twisted inside again. i love it.

so, this is not a published book but a dramione fanfiction on ao3. i don’t read fanfics that often anymore, mainly because i’d rather read other things, not because i don’t like them. but i found this one because a tiktok that showed the illustrations in the story and i was so blown away by the fact someone would illustrate an entire fanfic that i just had to read it. and i have no regrets. it’s kinda long and a biiit wordy for me at times but holy shit that hit like a mother trucker. and i haven’t read dramione in ages, not since... years. so this really hit different.

the illustrations are beautiful. they’re what dragged me into the story in the first place, so, of course they are. but i’d literally spend minutes looking at every detail in amazement at how perfectly the emotions were captured and the lighting casting the perfect shadows and just… everything. i know nothing about drawing but my eyes were truly blessed.

i think integrating the handmaid’s tale with the hp world was ingenious. i would never have expected that. and wow. the relationship between the two, it’s…….. i can barely put it in words in my mind, and it’s even harder to articulate on paper. complex, but at the same time not, simply the desire for the other to stay alive. timeless. destructive. their only defense from the harsh reality of their situation. desperation at its most desperate, their one and only survival method. depressing. it’s so depressing. i was so sad, the angst almost too much at times.

the flashbacks were insanely intense. and i thought the handmaid section was bad. it was awful to read. i could hardly bear it, it was so dark at times i didn’t know how either of them got through it all. i mean, they barely did. the near-death scares, the constant need to create a blank slate within yourself in order to not overwhelm yourself with crushing emotions… wartime sometimes has a tendency to sound romantic, but theirs wasn’t anything near romantic, and i appreciate that the author chose to be very real about it.

at the beginning, and in the middle when we went through the flashbacks, i was afraid the love would be toxic. and, well, it kind of was at some points. but in a time like that and a situation like theirs, it would be hard to not have a toxic relationship. i was glad that in the end theirs was a good love, the kind that sustained and kept them alive and got them through until the very end, because it was what they needed from each other. and, of course, my favorite part of it all was draco’s ceaseless possessiveness that only seemed to grow, never fade. i love simpy men.

they deserve each other. i was afraid at the end they wouldn’t, that one of them would die—that draco would die because hermione basically did once already for him, so he would have to “return the favor”—also she was pregnant so there was no way she’d be the one to die—idk many theories. but at the end i’m so glad they both ended up alive. after everything, they deserved it.

i did nothing for two days straight but read this book. except eat. and barely sleep. and i have no regrets.

a 9/10.

***

bloodlines, richelle mead — dang. i used to be obsessed with vampire academy when i was in middle school. i even watched the terrible movie that released because of it. and now i can’t believe i really thought that was peak literature lmfaooooo

i remember adrian being such a funny and interesting character that i picked up bloodlines to see if it was gonna be as good as i remembered it was. i was disappointed. it was just... well let’s just say there wasn’t enough to get me invested in the characters as i used to be. i think what it was is that adrian’s characterization was so weak. he wasn’t as ~quirky~ as i remembered him to be haha. the plot was also way too slow-paced, and a little too easy to guess. maybe if i was 12 again i’d be going crazy over it like i used to. but i’m not a pre-teen anymore and my brain craves stuff along the lines of manacled—destruction, death, angst that wants me to pull my own heart out to stop it from hurting.

a 5/10.

[asayoru]

Don’t know how to explain it...

[nikatyler]

Technically I still want to stay on a break but also...yesterday was the worst and I basically needed to come back here to feel better. Did it help? Not really, but fuck real life, who needs it anyway, ya know? Sims are never gonna give me up, never gonna let me down, all that good stuff.

God, what a mood. I should shut up. Instead I’m gonna do the replies, yay!

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “Screenshot Folder I did something very unlike me this week: I deleted...”

Must resist the urge to grab and edit all the Sammy shots ����

Go for it!

Side note, yesterday I added so many new screenshots to the folder. Some of them are really old and no one would ever possibly go and think “this one screenshot with really bad lighting? yup, gonna edit that one”. Unedited screenshots folder? More like a literal archive because simmeronnie is a freak for keeping things organized and in one place

simlovinggirl replied to your photoset “Yeah sure. Into the fire!”

That seems healthy. lolol

He scares me, to be honest. He looks like he’s the gift from heavens but I have a feeling he’s the exact opposite

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Sunset: “Dad, guess what I want for my birthday.” Ross: “A dog. I’ve...”

Maybe there's hope for him yet!

Yes! He’s slowly but surely getting better. Kind of. We can’t call it a redemption arc but he’s getting better for sure.

green-productivitea replied to your photoset “One day, you’ll go to space, Sunset. I know you will. Keep dreaming...”

Oh, i'm melting

I’m weak for all the moments he shows he cares for her tbh

simlovinggirl replied to your post “tumblr you fucked up, just saying in case no one has told you yet I’ve...”

i just saw this too, i just requested like 50 posts from like 3 different stories, so we'll see how effed up my blog is now. Sorry your having issues too :(

elisabettasims replied to your post “tumblr you fucked up, just saying in case no one has told you yet I’ve...”

Almost nobody remembers when this happened before. It got straightened out but I had so many posts marked sensitive then. As, usual, they went too far. Also the new guidelines have gone too far, too.

Here’s a few things I remember getting flagged:

Sunset. Loads of posts with Sunset in it. Rude. What has she ever done to you, tumblr?

Ross and Valentine teasing each other (well, actually it was Valentine teasing Ross but still)

Why create this “female-presenting nipples” nonsense when the algorithm can’t tell so called female-presenting and male-presenting nipples apart

Basically sims in swimsuits are a big no

Sims travelling around the world? Sorry Ezra and Carrie, it’s dirty :/

Gen 2 of Raven Legacy was sooooo nsfw y’all. Maaaany posts were flagged

For some reason the algorithm doesn’t like Zoey??

My gen 4 pose dump got flagged as well

I have like two posts with sims kissing in bed in their underwear (Tyler and Sharon in the extras tag and then Miracle and Adam in the legacy) and they both were flagged DESPITE THE LACK OF FEMALE-PRESENTING NIPPLES YOU STUPID ALGORITHM THE GIRLS HAD BRAS FFS

Sorry that was aggressive. Wow.

The bras were really nice by the way. My bras are ugly compared to theirs

Did someone say big mood?

Also since it apparently picks the posts by colour as well, posts with a lot of orange/yellow/pink in them were often flagged as well

Surprisingly, only my posts from 2017 and 2018 were affected. The super super old stuff from 2016 wasn’t flagged at all.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Marika: “You’re still as stupid as I remember you.” Ross: “I’m stupid?...”

Oh fuck /off/, Marika

Me whenever I see her in the game

Also, fun fact, all of Ross’s lovers got married by MCCC later. Marika was the only one who remained single. Guess Ross has to pass up that “the Worst” title to her, huh?

jackssims replied to your photoset “Marika: “Anyway…how is my daughter? She’s going to be thirteen, isn’t...”

That ship has sailed? You just straight up left her? Bye ����

Y E S

I want to say something else but spoiler alert, those would be the exact same words Sunset says later, so I’ll just shut up here. Wait for Sunset to say it in a few weeks.

kupari replied to your photoset “Ross: “She has a family. This conversation is over.” Marika: “You...”

I'm glad I'm not the only Marika around heh

It’s a pretty name! Also I’m sorry that my Marika is a bit of a bitch D:

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “I don’t go upstairs to December and Kieran’s bedroom anymore…and this...”

LOL

I’m editing them out of the holiday for sure. They freak me out.

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “I should’ve told her about Marika, I know…but I just couldn’t do it....”

Eh, in this case, I don't think waiting a day or two will hurt.

I mean yeah, it took her years to change her mind too.

dandylion240 replied to your post “Not leaving, might be taking a break”

I agree its not the same right now. I think everyone is just waiting to see what happens.

elisabettasims replied to your post “Not leaving, might be taking a break”

I had to turn off seeing reblogs to get some peace from the anxiety and, frankly, dramatics coming out of this. LOL

I feel like things have calmed down a little bit? Which means I guess I can come back but also, I still have a lot of homework and it would really be for the best if I stayed away...but let’s be real I don’t have the willpower to stay away.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Wait nevermind…are you okay??”

I don’t wanna put the 👀 emoji bc he could just be legitimately sick, but I’m gonna go with the 👀 emoji anyway

👀

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “Caleb: My daughter has a girlfriend. That’s…that’s…I’m happy for her...”

Like any other mature, centuries old adult. You be happy for her.

He is gonna be happy once he’s over the surprise lol. He’s just too shocked to think straight right now.

jackssims replied to your photoset “I failed to get a good screenshot so here’s Sunset looking pretty much...”

Oh god what a mood

Me last year during my birthday party when I realized all my relatives had given me money to get a driving license when I’m in fact terrified of driving (to this day I still don’t have a driving license and I’m not planning on getting it unless I really have to get it)

Me this year...oh wait I’m not having a birthday party with my family this year, nice. And the only thing that was close to a birthday party got cancelled because my friend bailed on me. Really nice I love my life

stfu ron stop being so bitter literally no one cares

jackssims replied to your photoset “Lilith: “I’m surprised you finally decided to show up. What brings you...”

👀

👀  the only acceptable emoji when it comes to this generation

idk what I just tried to tell by that  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[kicksintheair]

voltron in a yj au??

i read a while ago that klance has like a spitfire energy and i wholeheartedly agree (i have a pattern liking for bickering teammates to lovers kinda deal) so i was like ?? y’know what all the paladins are gonna get the yj treatment

bear in mind that the paladins are not the yj characters, but just who i think is their best “parallel.” i’m making sure that they keep their own personalities!!

lance: to me has a KF/wally vibe, full of love for his friends and cares deeply for them, while keith gives off more artemis vibes, with a mysterious background and trying to adapt to a new situation of not being alone anymore

but lance being the sharpshooter that he is, i’m gonna still leave him with artemis’s skill of archery!! and for keith, even though it’d be neat to see him as a metahuman, i’m just in love with the idea of him with a sword like katana or cass cain

allura is kind of a mix of zatanna and m’gann (magic space princess), pidge is like robin (a la dick grayson), hunk has rocket vibes (esp with the tech??), shiro is kind of kaldur (good leader and all that) and conner (clone??), and coran i feel like is red tornado lolol

the first time keith and lance meet, lance pulls the wally shtick and just trips over his feet in front of this beautiful boy and makes a fool out of himself, but he’s projecting his anger by questioning his background but really he’s just mad cuz he looked like a clumsy goof in front of a hot stranger lolol

thus begins the ~rivalry~ (and also begins lance’s flirting with allura lmao)

the rest of the team side eyes cuz they know what’s boutta go down...

bereft ep: everyone loses their got dam memories lol but lance and keith get a new beginning

keith is super freaked when he wakes up, and he sees this boy with the warmest smile and the bluest eyes extending his hand out to help him, and oh man keith is falling hard boiz

he already knows pre-memory loss about lance’s archery skills, but seeing them again for the first time he’s in awe that he gets every single one of his targets and keith forgets that he’s in a random desert in the middle of nowhere and can’t remember how he gets there

they get their memories back and they let go of each other’s hands asap rocky

“i got confused about some samurai movie the other night, where the samurai guy’s dad told him to kill his samurai boyfriend cuz he’s from a rival clan” “oooh so i’m your samurai boyfriend now huh?” keith is v flustered and pidge comes thru like “damn get a room”

and here comes FAILSAFE oh boy

keith gets zapped and lance lets out the most gut wrenching scream “KEITH” and just goes fking nuts, like the dude is seriously hell bent on getting revenge and the rest of the paladins have to calm him down before he gets himself killed

lance’s heart is just gutted and he’s feeling empty and hollow inside because he should’ve seen them coming and he could’ve saved keith

lance takes every alien down as a win, and a step towards keith because deep down he knows he’s alive and he’s going to get him back safe and sound

but oh man they found out the truth and lance just kinda freezes up, because there’s no way keith is gone or the whole team keith is alive and he can’t leave not now not when he doesn’t know that - and bam he realizes he likes keith

when they wake up keith looks over at lance he has a feeling he knows why the archer isnt looking at him

that point forward everything shifts slightly, bc lance and keith already work together well, but now they’re basically the best pair on the field they know each other’s moves and they’re fluid with each other and they communicate well

they’re also dancing around their feelings lmao like they’ll finish off the bad guys and look at each other with the brightest smiles on their faces and they kinda break away with a blush and a small lil grin

hunk: you guys look like you’re getting along out there huh :)

lance: idk what you’re talking about bye

bam nye: the kiss lance scoops up keith in his arms

lance: i should’ve done this a long time ago

keith: no kidding. let’s hope your kissing is as good as your archery

lance: hOW dArE you - and smooch

[feraldabi]

SEND: Love

Day 2: Important Events (confessions, first date, proposals, wedding)

ao3

Read more under the cut

Tobio groans when he hears his phone chirp with messages. He rolls to the other side of his bed and grabs his pillow to throw over his face; hoping to smother the insistent buzzing sound.

It doesn’t.

Annoyed at being woken up Tobio grabs the pillow and throws it at the wall across from him, and then he reaches for his phone. He stares at it with tired, unfocused eyes.

Finally, his eyes seem to register the phone in front of him and he sees it’s Oikawa-san messaging him.

Now, that wakes him up.

Tobio unlocks his phone and brings up the messages from Oikawa-san. He still rolls his eyes when he sees the name for Oikawa: The Best Senpai™, he didn’t choose that, obviously, Oikawa-san did. (Tobio still cannot get over how Oikawa-san had grabbed his phone out of his hand and inputted his number after a practice match. Mind-boggling, really.) His eyes widen when he reads the messages.

The Best Senpai™ [11:14 P.M.]: OI OIKAWAS KOHAI THIS BITCH LIKES YOU LOLOL

The Best Senpai™ [11:14 P.M.]: HES TOO CHICKEN SHIT TO TELL U SOOOO WE THOT WE WLD >;3c

The Best Senpai™ [11:16 P.M.]: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY BLUEBERRY  BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ANSWER PLSSSSSSS OIKAWA DOESNT KNOW WE HAVE HIS PHONE YET LMFAOOOOO

The Best Senpai™ [11:17 P.M.]: FUKC I THINK HE NOTICD OH SHIT

The Best Senpai™ [11:20 P.M.]: TOBIO-CHAN !! DONT BELIEVE MY IDIOT DRUNK EX-FRIENDS

The Best Senpai™ [11:20 P.M.]: (艸дﾟ*)

The Best Senpai™ [11:20 P.M.]: omfggggggggg imma kill them is2gg  (╬◣д◢)!!

The Best Senpai™ [11:22 P.M.]: lets just pretend this never happend ok…

The Best Senpai™ [11:25 P.M.]: ill understand if u dont wanna talk anymore

Confused.

Baffled.

Flustered.

Are words that easily describe how Tobio’s feeling right now. Oikawa-san like-likes him...what’s he supposed to do now?

Oh fuck, Tobio thinks. He feels his cheeks warm and his heart flutter in his chest. He startles when his phone buzzes again. It’s Oikawa-san.

The Best Senpai™ [11:30 P.M.]: TOBIO I SEE THAT UVE SEEN THE TEXTS

The Best Senpai™ [11:30 P.M.]: pls respond back

Tobio stares at his phone some more before this overwhelming feeling of-of something taking over his very being, and soon enough, he’s texting back.

Y r ur frnds drunk? [11:31 P.M.]

There, simple and straight to the point...kind of.

The Best Senpai™ [11:32 P.M.]: idk they’re dumbasses aND THEY R MY EX-FRIENDS TOBIO-CHAN !!!

The Best Senpai™ [11:32 P.M.]: (；￣Д￣）ANYWAY ! just pls ignore what they said earlier ok

Tobio’s fingers are typing before he even comprehends what he sent.

no [11:33 P.M.]

He’s not surprised by the flurry of texts that come after.

The Best Senpai™ [11:34 P.M.]: WHAT DO YOU M E A N NO??????

The Best Senpai™ [11:34 P.M.]: >.>

The Best Senpai™ [11:35 P.M.]: T O B I O

Tobio’s face flushes when he types out his next response:

cause i like u 2…

His finger hovers over the send button, uncertainty. It isn’t until he rereads the messages does he gets the courage to hit send.

cause i like u 2…[11:37 P.M.]

Tobio waits.

And waits.

And waits.

No response back.

The flush on his face becomes darker in color, he can’t believe he actually thought Oikawa-san’s friends weren’t lying.

Goddammit, he’s made himself look like a fool now.

He starts typing, he’ll say he was joking and then act like none of this ever happened. Tobio’s about to hit send when a call interrupts his texting.

CALL FROM: Oikawa-san

Tobio debates with himself if he should hit the END call, but doesn’t. In the end, he begrudgingly hits the CALL button.

“Oikawa-”

“I LIKE YOU, TOO, TOBIO-CHAN!” Is what cuts him off. The angry flush lightens to a petal pink. “W-What?”

“I-ugh...Like you, too. So, yeah” Oikawa-san says, voice shaky and hopeful(?).

“OH,” Tobio responds, he feels like he needs a drink because his mouth has become too dry. “I like you, as well, Oikawa-san.” He pauses and waits, listening to Oikawa’s heavy breathing.

“You do,” Oikawa-san exclaims. “I mean, of course you do, Tobio-chan! I am quite the catch, ya’know.”

Tobio pinches the bridge of his nose contemplating why he likes this jerk.

“Buuuut, anyway, since you like me I’ll take responsibility and take you on a date. Tomorrow at 7, wear casual clothes, ok!”

His eyes widen in shock, “Oikaw-”

“Can’t wait, bye bye!”

Tobio feels his eye twitch, the audacity of Oikawa-san. He tosses his phone back onto the desk by his bed before curling himself around his blankets. He needs all the rest he can get after this circus show...and he needs to make sure he doesn’t have any bags for his date.

He’s sound asleep when his phone goes off one last time.

The Best Senpai™ [12:00 A.M.]: can’t wait for our date tomorrow !!

  ␟␏(ɲ˃ ˈ̫̮ ˂ɳ)␟␏ෆ

[mrkis]

responses to (his, 0.24) j.j.k

all of my responses to your asks are under ‘keep reading’ :)) thank you so much for sending these in and thank you for still reading ‘his’ even though i don’t update much anymore.

for those who haven’t seen the last update of ‘his’, please go read before you open this as it might contain spoilers :))

gukspoc said: I FUCKING KNEW IT gukspoc said: I KNEW IT gukspoc said: BUT OMFG I HATE YOU WHY DID YOU END IT LIKE THAT BYE

what can i say?? i love creating the suspense ;))

anon said: OH MAN HOLY SHIT !!!! I’m so shoookkk wtf I don’t know how to function like what omg. OMG OMG OMG

i’m taking this reaction as a good thing lmao!!! happy you liked it!!

maksher15 said: Honestly you should write and publish a book. Your work is so amazing (just like you). Also you got me all up in my feels with “His” 😩❤️

ahhh that’s so niceeee thank you!! got me all soft and shit. thank you for enjoying ‘his’!!

anon said: WTF! I DID NOT EXPECT THAT BOMBSHELL AT THE END OF HIS

wink wonk ;)) you got bamboozled 

anon said: what the FUCK i loved it 10/10 , i’m happy you’re writing again! don’t rush the next chapter we’ll be patient ~

thank you! i’m happy to be semi back lol! thank you again <3

anon said: Your cliffhangers get me everytime. I love your writing so much.

thank you so much! i love and hate cliffhangers, love doing them for you but hate when it’s done to me lol

anon said: OMFG SHE IS PREGNANT???? I SCREAMED WHEN I READ IT IT'S SOOOO GOOD

the whole being sick all the time and having weird pains in her stomach was hints ;)) thank youuuu!

anon said: I MEAN WE BEEN KNEW Y/N WAS PREGNANT BUT STILL THAT TWIST AT THE END HAD ME SHAKING IN MY BOOTS

every time someone mentioned ‘is y/n pregnant?’ or something around pregnancy, i was just giggling to myself.

lekeisha2013 said: OMG She's pregnant. Can't wait for the next one. Hopefully her dad doesn't take her away. I don't like him.

surprise!! :D i know, her dad’s a real asshole but i suppose he means well when he’s looking out for her

ladyblueofthewolves said: Whaaaat whaat that ending tho it was worth the wait

lolol i’m so happy that it’s finally out

anon said: uH i aM sHoOk. this new chapter of his got me feeling aTtAcKeD

;))

anon said: (About his)I love how all the characters have their way of being. Sumi feels like the innocent little sister she is in so many of her actions. And the kind of mom Yoona is just hangs in the air. I can sympathize with the characters because i feel like they could be real people. I just dont know how im supposed to feel towards the dad yet. How he thinks he can just waltz in and dictate life is something that, for me, feels real. I guess we’ll see how that plays out! All the luck to you!

anon said: (Again about his)Just wanted to say that im really moved by the way you’ve been portraying the mc dealing with the death of a loved one. It just fit so well with the image i already had of her. I wasnt frustrated or anything with her acting so cold towards everyone, i guess i kind of understood and all i hope shell feel better, not necessarily ok, just better is good enough(yes im aware shes not actually real, still love her though) Oh and another thing, i love the word gobsmacked.

thank you :)) i didn’t want to write the characters with similar personalities because everyone is different! as much as i love writing for jungkook and y/n, i love writing about other characters and going in deep with their emotions like baekhyun for example, i like writing him as a strong character but also as someone who can feel pain and doesn’t take it well, he struggles. i think the dad in the au will give you a lot of mixed feelings 

portraying y/n dealing through the death of cindy is probably my favourite thing to write at the moment as it’s personal and i’m challenging my skills with this. at first i was going to go with the whole “she’s going to cry a lot and constantly rely on jungkook for comfort” but i ended up changing every thing last second which i’m happy with. i wanted her to experience all different kinds of emotions like sadness, anger, frustration, loss, confusion etc etc. i really enjoyed doing that :))  i love the word gobsmacked too!

minghaore said: o my fUCK WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT CLIFFHANGER WAS FINE

IDK IM SORRY LOVE ME

anon said: BRUH His took a new fucking turn I NEW IT I FUCKING KNEW IT 🙃 Why do you hate us ?! (Just kidding i love you and your stories ❤️)

‘his’ is going to take a big ass turn now muahahah! love you!! ❤️

thank you!! ❤️ ❤️

finding-galaxys said: OMFG is she Really pregnant OMG!!!!!! *screams in spanish*

yes really pregnant :o 

anon said: Why do you always leave us with a fucking cliffhanger?! 😭😭😭

how else am i going to get these types of reactions?! :o ;))

anon said: His got me shook 😳

you’re welcome :p 

anon said: YESSSSS A NEW UPDATEEEEE 🎊🎉 im so happy ashsbabdbbs

yay!! glad you’re happy!!

anon said: Is she really pregnant?! That would explain why she puked that time 🤔🧐

surprise!! :D 

anon said: Her dad knows ... HE KNOWS 🙃🙃🙃

wink wonk ;))

reblogxmins said: Dude wtfffffdffffffffffwgshsbsvsv whhyyyyyyy you do this to meeeeee

for my pleasure :) 

anon said: Why did you make cindy die! 😭😭😭

for the views, hit that like button, subscribe to my youtube channel, upload every 24 years.

[dara-the-warrior-bride]

The Good Side

I ask myself "are you actually the one on the good side when you keep on listening to it?"

Ako yung nang-reject pero ako yung hindi maka-move on lmao. Idk if you're reading this. Probably not. Nakalimutan mo naman na binigay ko sayo yung Tumblr handle ko lol.

But anyway, had to deliver myself from my soul tie with you and that includes deleting my pictures of you and the poems I wrote about you (and maybe also not listening to the good side anymore lolol). Parang gusto ko umiyak lmao. Shocks ang hirap pala magpalit ng dp HAHAHAHAHA IDK our matching DP feels like out last connection with each other so I didn't wanna let that go pero if you don't want anything to do with me anymore what choice do I have? I wanted to give you a choice that would make things easier for you. Ultimately I have to accept whatever you choose. I chose as well and obviously di ikaw pinili ko. Sorry, some things are more important to me that some. The silver lining is I'm happy that my decision is firm about this. I know what I chose and despite it hurting, I wouldn't change my answer (siguro the way I did oo, sorry apparently I looked very displeased). Ayun lang. Bye, I guess.

[ariseadaptascertain]

1-92 muhaha

Okay, but only cuz I’m in class not paying attention anyways 😅

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

Yes. definitely.


2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

Nope


3. Have you taken someones virginity?

Uhhhhhhhhh

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

I’ll trust you 110% no questions asked until you give me a reason not to 


5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

No, I don’t like anyone right now 


6. What are you excited for?

All of my family from California to get here tomorrow, thanksgiving dinner, football and beer 🏈🍻


7. What happened tonight?

It’s 2:30PM so ask me later


8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

Depends… some people are cute and funny wasted, so some I don’t mind.. others just really shouldn’t get drunk lol 🥃


9. Is confidence cute

To an extent, yes 


10. What is the last beverage you had?

Water💧


11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

I have 2 brothers and a dad 


12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

I own way too many pairs of skinny jeans 


13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Saturday is my brothers birthday so dinner and celebrate with the family 🎈


14. What are you going to spend money on next?

Um probably food or gas… oh actually I bought my dog a sweater on amazon earlier so maybe that? 🐾


15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

No I am not 


16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

People are always changing and finding themselves so definitely 


17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

My older brother 


18. The last time you felt broken?

A few weeks ago 


19. Have you had sex today?

no action happening here 


20. Are you starting to realize anything?

What I deserve 


21. Are you in a good mood?

Currently, yes😁


22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

Am I trying to die? 🦈


23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

Yes, mine are darker though 👀


24. What do you want right this second?

To get out of class 


25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Wtf bye? lol at least that’s what I think I’d say idk strangely I’ve been here before and idk we stayed together but we were never really together and it was confusing but that was 4 years ago and I was stupid so now, i’d probably just say bye👋🏽


26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Um the top half is😅 


27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

NO I need someone just as strange as myself 


28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Someone’s speech in my public speaking class at noon

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yes


30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

That’s a tricky one, depends 


31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

Um sorry I think you have the wrong person👭


32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

I don’t have feelings for anyone now, the last person I had feelings for knew though


33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

No, I’ll have one every once in awhile

34. Listening to?

Right now an OChem lecture🙄 music wise, everything. Currently I’m listening to some throw back usher. But Marc e. Bassy, j cole, chance, been into Kelsea ballerini’s new album, Lauv, Lany, CVBZ, Devin Dawson, Parson James, maren Morris, post Malone, Noah kahan, Khalid, Chelsea cutler, Ben Howard…. list goes on I listen to everything all the time

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

Yes exam days 


36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

Yes, not sure who they are now or what they are doing but I know where geographically 


37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I’d like to, but I don’t think so.. at least for me, I don’t know a person until I meet them, I can’t develop feelings for them until I spend time with them 


38. Who did you last call?

The Ford dealership 


39. Who was the last person you danced with?

@iriseagain lolol


40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Because I loved them 


41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

Omg um I made cupcakes on a Tuesday in October I think, so cute they were on my snap chat, go follow me lol 🍰


42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

No I did not 


43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

I embarrass myself every day haha but I love it that’s just me it’s cool 


44. Do you tan in the nude?

I would if I didn’t have neighbors but hey tan lines are attractive 


45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

No, I probably would have made it more memorable though because I honestly don’t remember where we were or what we were doing 


46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

Nope


47. Who was the last person to call you?

Haha my mom 


48. Do you sing in the shower?

Yes, loud and proud 🎤


49. Do you dance in the car?

As much as I can without crashing or being a hazard to others, but yes always


50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

No🤔 I’d like to 


51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Senior year of high school


52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Of course, but that’s why people love them right? 


53. Is Christmas stressful?

No it’s wonderful and full of love, pine, and everything warm🎅🏽🎄


54. Ever eat a pierogi?

Yes they are good with sour cream 


55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Apple🍎🍏


56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Veterinarian or Teacher or Surgeon of some sort


57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Sometimes hah especially after a scary movie👻


58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

ALL THE DAMN TIME


59. Take a vitamin daily?

No…💊


60. Wear slippers?

I have one pair from like 6th grade I’ll throw on every once in awhile for fun cuz I’m weird


61. Wear a bath robe?

No I do not


62. What do you wear to bed?

Sports bra and Calvins usually unless it’s cold then a hoodie 


63. First concert?

It was a Jason Aldean, Florida Georgia Line, Dierks Bentley concert 


64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

I love target but I normally just shop at Wally World 


65. Nike or Adidas?

Um I can’t. If I had to I guess Nike cuz I own more Nike ✔️


66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheetos… but if y'all like cottage cheese (which I know most of you will be like EW.) dip your Fritos in cottage cheese. That’s some good shit 


67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Retired softball player so Seeds all the way 


68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

All the old stuff from like jr high love story, you belong with me, picture to burn, mine


69. Ever take dance lessons?

No I probably should though💃🏻


70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

No… maybe something medical wise


71. Can you curl your tongue?

No, I can make a stupid face while attempting to do so though that you’d probably like 


72. Ever won a spelling bee?

lol Yes 😂😂🤓


73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Yes I have, I think whenever I get a puppy I go cry to myself about it, but many times… when I see beautiful things or beautiful people in my life I cry sometimes at how beautiful everything is, songs make me happy and cry… don’t judge me I’m appreciative and emotional 😅


74. What is your favorite book?

The giving tree 🌳


75. Do you study better with or without music?

with, quietly though in the background just to keep my mind going 


76. Regularly burn incense?

Regularly burn candles? YES


77. Ever been in love?

once, 5-6 years ago


78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Sooooo many people… before I die, chance, marc. e. bassy, usher needs to do a tb concert, pink, Carrie underwood, beyonce, I’ve been to so many concerts, the list goes on and on for people I want to see 


79. What was the last concert you saw?

I think it was Halsey


80. Hot tea or cold tea?

On cold days, hot. On hot days, cold. 


81. Tea or coffee?

Coffee ☕️ but both 


82. Favorite type of cookie?

My moms chocolate chip 🍪


83. Can you swim well?

Very 🌊


84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yes…. can’t everyone? 


85. Are you patient?

I work with children and sick angry people who need their meds all day, so VERY 


86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

Aw a band could be cute, but if it was my wedding DJ all the way 


87. Ever won a contest?

Yes… a few
88. Ever have plastic surgery? My cheeks are naturally this way I promise


89. Which are better black or green olives?

Um I eat more black just cuz they are more common, but green taste like butter and are more expensive so I have those only when I’m treating myself or trying to be fancy 


90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

Shit happens🤷🏽‍♀️ just be someone you are proud of

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Mines in the family room which is nice… but honestly best place for a fire is outside surrounded by good people with some s'mores and a drink in your hand 🔥

92. Do you want to get married?

I do 💍

[itsjustines]

February 24, 2020

Woke up around 8:30. Soooo sleepy

Bf asked what I wanted for breakfast, I said cereal and milk, but he didn’t have milk at his house. So he suggested kokoro for lunch or IHOP’s for breakfast

Ended up getting ihop. Tried something new and got the mexican churro pancakes, not bad

Back to bf’s house before my online lecture. I knocked out for like 15 min, food comaaa

Online lecture was boring like usual. Did an assignment and bf printed it out for me

Drove to class after, idk why I started at :15 when I don’t. Was early so I got some sbux bc so tired and sleepy. Almost got in a car accident otw to school too..! Lecture was chill. Done for the day wooo

Back to bf’s house. Bf made me a hot pocket and i ate his leftover Philly cheesesteak. He played basketball and I watched clips from Kobe’s tribute;_; so emotional

Bf came back from balling and he was cramping in his leg and arm lmaoooo. So funny but so sad. I massaged his thigh a little too hard and hurt him lmaooo

Then he doordashed for the first time! He was so excited to get our food, but the doordasher was an old acquaintance from high school and he wasn’t excited anymore lmao

Our food arrived, he said bye to his old acquaintance and then I checked the back and it wasn’t even our order! It was premium steak and the other premium shrimp

Bf was annoyed that it was wrong. Turns out the order was “Jay” lolol. He was talking to customer service and he got our full refund back and an extra credit

Then we enjoyed our dinner and watched the bachelor!!!!!!! The food was actually p good and I liked the cream cheese rangoons. I knocked out during the halfway mark and bf was playing on the computer. That was my tiring day

[sanguinesprout]

Therapy/Counselling Diary #9 (and some silly but blah but good bits)

Weeeeeelp. As usual this session was uhhhh... *blank blank* I literally blank loads while in the actual session and feel like I totally have to wing my responses every single time in a slight panic (probably cause I’m not used to getting up early and am lacking sleep, also because I’m just really slow in general hahaha ugh). I’m still dying of lack of sleep idk if I can write right now so imma write out some real quick notes to go off and help jog my memory later before I forget anymores. Phew, wracked my brains all I can, time to go laze around and zzzzz... Okay slept some and shopped some and slept some more, time to write! Just get the main things down hoo!

About last weeks attempts at helping at front of shop, I kinda just observed instead, at first kinda just sat and shrank down out of view and no one really said anything to me, though I’m sure they noticed me lol. I managed to make a short convo with one customer with some general small talk stuff like the weather, where you work and stuff (yay?!) and then totally blanked so hard and welp, awkward silence (not yay!). I’m glad I tried and even my dad was impressed because usually I try so hard to avoid being seen by any customers and just don’t talk much to anyone. Felt kinda good but I got scared a bit and didn’t try that much afterwards, boo.

On another day I stood around eating fruit and helping set up stuff on my mum’s phone and said hello and bye to some customers which felt much more sort of natural in a way. Like because I was already doing something and not just sitting waiting and doing absolutely nothing else but looking awks as hell and stuff, so the conversation (or greeting in this case) was just the secondary focus. But... maybe people felt less inclined to talk to me properly because they can see I’m slightly occupied, that’s kind of bad sigh... I mean I’m glad I tried more than once, though I know I could’ve tried much much harder but I guess that’s what this week is about *wails and flails*

The counsellor said that it’s fine that conversation fades out, it’s natural and the customer only spends so long in the shop waiting for their order and has to go anyways. Also the more you try, the more you’ll ask and get to know about the customer (especially regulars), the general small talk might become more personal and specific over time and your knowledge base of general conversational content will grow. You could even lighten up things with small playful jokes and compliments. Like with everything, I always forget you have to start somewhere, start out small, baby steps and the like.

When I told her some customers knew me, as they had seen me when I was little (yeah, wow, it was so nice being young and not so afraid of people then or afraid of being recognised I guess *cry*) but I felt awkward as I don’t know them, she said to note that they said it in a positive way and take it as a compliment that they actually remember you and to reply you could just say thank you or even joke it up a little. Wow, it’s easy to miss nice things when you’re all fogged up with worry. Most people don’t remember a lot from when they’re little anyways too so I shouldn’t feel bad about it. I usually just kind of do that little smiley laugh but the powers of awk are always by my side, my faithful sidekick that helps me do my ultimate awk situation special move um, yay. 

I gotta let myself know that it’s okay, not to overthink and such as always. I did alright, I did good and I should use this to motivate me to try even more. Easier said then done huff, as usual I feel time and opportunity is slipping away so quickly. She noted that we only have 2 sessions left (that makes 11 in total haha how strange, I guess the first one kind of didn’t count maybe) so I really need to get stuff done so that when I am done seeing her and am left to my own devices, I’ll actually know what to do and won’t just stop trying and fall into the same slump as before. 

When you try, not a moment is wasted because you are doing and you are learning, but if you don’t try then nothing is learned and then it’s wasteful. Oh! ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained’ hah! As with all quotes I happen to remember, I hope I’m using it right lol. I’m gonna try commit it to memory some more along with the rest of the stuff I sometime think to motivate myself, my derpy mantras that I also often forget lolol.

I also talked about how I went out shopping even more lately, that I was getting even less conscious of others and the irrational thoughts in that kind of setting. Repeated doing of something it always makes it easier, ‘it begins to feel like second nature’ is the phrase she used. I still feel uncomfortable at times and worry a lot when out but it’s true, if you just go and get on with what you’re doing, your focus is on that and everything else fades into the background where it should be.

She noticed I had a bag of some stuff I wanted to return to a shop and she asked how I was going to go about it. I said I was unsure if I wanted to return it even though it was not right for me, because I felt I hassled the shop keeper a lot, and felt bad about it. But the thing is, the thing isn’t right for me so there is no point in me keeping it, the shopkeeper is fine with me returning it, ‘no obligations’ is even what he said (lol), they’re professional, their feelings wouldn’t be hurt, and that’s why I decided to return it. 

In more hypothetical-ness I kind of said that I would say something like ‘the thing just isn’t for me, maybe I’ll come back another time/look at something else’ or w/e or maybe she asked what I would do in that situation if they wanted to be more salesperson-y and she asked is that really what I wanted and I was like ‘tbh no, I don’t want to look at anymore of their stuff, I want to go elsewhere and look’ and she was telling me to ‘stick to my guns’ and ‘be adamant on your first choice’ kind of thing and she’s right, there’s no point in me lying because I feel bad about it, they have plenty of other customers too and probably lots of them return things, it’s no big deal. There was some talk about customer rights and watching and learning how they handle things being useful to my own retail skill pursuits too.

When I actually actually went and returned the stuff (it’s shoes btw and they were uncomfortable, I keep beating around the bush about specifics again why why why? .__. ugh) the shopkeeper was totally chill, he has been every time I went to the shop and the refund was done super quick, no hurt feelings (lol seriously I don’t even know why I think like this, but even my mum was saying it feels bad with all the hassle, but I’m glad I didn’t let her words sway my decision) and he was still super friendly and reassuring (’oh no no, it’s fine, don’t worry about it’ c:). Tbh I already knew everything was going to be okay, it’s my sucky mind as always (and it’s just that sometimes diff employees were there instead of him and they were much less friendly and helpful, I was glad they weren’t serving that day lol, I hope that doesn’t sound too mean ack ><)

She talked a little about how irrational thoughts are totally normal and that everyone has them, it’s just that different people handle them differently and some people can become trapped in them while others don’t let them have their way so easily or at all. Also she asked about how much progress I think I’ve made and I said something lame I forgot and she said that she thinks I’ve done great and where I am now and how I am now is much different to how I was when she first saw me. She praised me a little more and told me I undermine myself a lot. I do see it too, I have been trying even though at times I felt it didn’t go right or wasn’t enough, but I have learned things and I have changed somewhat. Understanding yourself and your thoughts, it definitely  helps getting past them and challenging them a little easier.

For next week she wants me to write down a recap of everything I’ve learned so far eek..! Writing down stuff irl is so hard for me, all the writing I’ve done irl so far feels really half assed and bleh because feelings and stuff and ahhhh... I need to get over it, just do it! I also have a sheet similar to the thoughts and emotions sheet but a with more detailed columns that I have to fill in (the columns are like: situation, feelings, thoughts, evidence supporting thoughts, evidence against, actual facts and you score how much you felt it was going to be and how much it actually turns out being). I have a chance to redo the small amount of last minute scrawl I did on last week’s one, I’m nervous gdi, maybe I should write this situation as the first thing... not really... or should I? >< I really need to get out of the habit of putting off and leaving things last minute @x@

Also another main main thing I need to do is to help out in the shop for reals this time, like physically doing stuff and getting much more involved with chatting. Imma dieeeee.... no no, I’ll be okay, I gotta do it! I mean, I can do it! The first few steps are always the hardest, just try your best, go for it, yolo! ^^” I hope I’ll have enough to talk about and write about next time, c’mon hoo!

In non therapy related stuff, I spent some time with my sis and her bf. Went to a big shopping centre semi-unplanned, unfortunately on a day where I was super ill (like gut cramping run to the toilet and die there for like half an hour ill) but I got past that and it was pretty good! I felt like a total burden, at times I felt self-conscious as usual, but nowhere near the amount I would have some while before or the amount I thought I would if I didn’t go. Ohh! Damn, maybe I should write this on that sheet lol this is a prime example of proving myself/my thoughts wrong. 

I felt kind of brave that day, going out when usually I would have avoided it, I mean I actually had a reason to, but I didn’t let it or a lot of my bad feelings get in the way and the experience was useful and nice and something I’d really been wanting. I saw some nice things and took photos of some nice things too, I even found some shoes that were comfy but didn’t buy them... but there’s always next time! I’m definitely going again! Shopping is fun! Taking photos is fun! (even though I missed a few opportunities, but next time imma get em!) ^^ If only I wasn’t poor... but that’s what jobs are for and that’s my goal! All the more reason to be motivated about it >:D Somehow this doesn’t sound to good, but uh, whatever works! xD

I also went to my sis’ house and the supermarket some as an unplanned evening trip and did a little crafty stuff. I’m still working on the same project since a while back but like with everything else I’m learning as I go, baby steps some more! ^^ I still have to go to the post office again, I kinda avoided going today but imma do it all on my own again tomorrow. I also emailed some sellers online and asked about some products I was interested in. Sounds lame but I was chickening out on doing so for a long time, it turned out fine, was my silly thoughts and anxieties acting up. Phoned to ask about some post related stuff too (I can’t remember if I wrote this in the last post lol). I was trying to find a way to email to avoid phoning but there was no such thing and I thought, well just stop messing around and just do itttt! It was fine, I mean I awked a lot but at least I got my answer! I did it yay! More examples of doing and disproving my own idiocy! XD

Hmm.. hmmm this post, is it finished? LOL. I only wrote very few notes, but I’m glad I did because it helped me write and recall stuff. I’m a little sad I didn’t use food emojis and a bullet pointy style like last time haha. Ahhh ack! a scary sound just came from the wall wtf wtf wtf?! My heart just leapt out ahhh ;_____; I think I’ll go hide now... x^x No no, need to go do some useful stuff! 

When I started this post I kept thinking of it as a chore and kind if wanted to skip out on it, but I did it yay! (Per usual lol) I collected up all that useful and motivational stuff and now I’m pumped! Man I’m so nauseous and I think my writing came out real ditsy again and feel like I wanna edit it to hell but at the same time I cba and want to do other stuff like artsy things that I’ve also been putting off like hell, I seriously have the energy and motivation of a rock most of the time. W/e there’s no need to fuss over the post, it’s fine (I hope lol) and it’s okay to have some down time when needed. There’s no time like the present! Time to go do stuff!

Have a noice evening! Go go! ^^

[kandismon]

Would you be okay sharing how you make money from your art now, and how you got there? You seem so happy in that post you made a while back, and in your tags sometimes!

hiya nonny

sorry for the late reply, i knew i wanted to take some time to answer this properly and i had to wait until now ;;;;;;;;;;

i hope you’re still around to read it ;;;;;

i’m gonna put this under a read more because i ended up rambling and wrote an entire essay (and it’s probably way too honest but that’s the only way i know how to talk to people and maybe someone can get something out of this lolol)

1. HOW THE HECK DID I GET HERE

i used to be stuck in a job a couple of years ago that not only bored the hell out of me but also gave me nightmares for the longest time for various reasons and it ended up draining all of my energy and for a while i wasn’t able to enjoy what i love most, which is, of course, drawing. i’m not good at leaving thoughts and worries regarding work at my workplace, i’m the type to take it all home with me and it made me become apathetic and unable to get excited over anything and i could practically feel my motivation to create anything leave me.

at that time i started noticing that my audience had grown quite a bit over the years and i was already doing a few commissions here and there and i had sold a couple of fanbooks, and those were things i really loved doing, but, as mentioned above, at that time i didn’t really have the energy to focus on that because i was still wasting most of my day with that unsatisfying job.

thanks to my partner, who kept kicking my ass for a while, i ended up looking for a new job, found a shop that was looking for someone to hire part-time, i applied, got it and quit my old job the next day.

part-time seemed great, because it meant i’d have double the time to work on art and commissions and also i was probably going to be able to sleep well again because i didn’t have to worry about what was going on at my old workplace anymore, right?

…. wrong.

while i really liked working at that shop, it took up a lot of time too in the end, due to extra-time, extra (non-paid) responsibilities and interpersonal problems. also i suck at saying no to people, so bye-bye time for art and welcome back nightmares.

while working there, more and more commissions started coming in, my audience kept growing slowly but steadily, people were actually interested in comics and products i made ?? and i didn’t make a lot of money back then by a long stretch but it was just. so. fulfilling. i love doing commissions, i love drawing stories and sharing them, and there’s no better feeling than making a thing yourself and ending up with the finished product in your own hands, and my wish to freelance more came from these experiences.

meanwhile the situation at work started pissing me off more and more and i was close to saying fuck it and quitting so so often and, well, last year i finally did (again thanks to my partner for listening to my rants and also kicking my butt to get the hell out of there LOL)

i was considering looking for yet another job but tbh after all these years i’m tired of having to deal with authority figures that pay you jackshit for your work but try to push you around 24/7 and bend you to their will because they don’t give a fuck about their employees and only care about $$$ (or maybe i’m just too stubborn and can’t deal with people who try to tell me what to do [i’m pretty sure that’s the main issue tbh lolol])

so i decided to try and become an independent artist full-time. which is still risky but

a) if i don’t try it, i’ll regret it for the rest of my life

b) i have no one i have to support financially except for myself, so in case i fail the only person who’ll get in trouble is me, which is very convenient ??

for various reasons i had no choice but to jump right into this without feeling prepared enough at all BUT i still think it’s gonna work out somehow. i’ve learned a lot these last couple of weeks/months and i’m positive that it’s going to be Just Fine.

2.) WHAT THE HECK AM I ACtuALLY DOING

i do still feel like i have no idea what i’m doing most of the time, so take everything below with a bit of skepticism but i think i’ve been doing some things right without even realising it.

like, even though quitting my job and deciding to work as an artist was a very impulsive decision, i think i fulfill the necessary requirements for it to work out:

i had some money saved up that could help me survive for a few months if i ended up not being able to make any money for a while

i already had freelance jobs lined up and projects i was working on that would provide me with some sort of income

and it’s been working out so far ??? (let’s talk again in a few months when i realise all the things i’ve forgotten or fucked up)

things i noticed during that time, that i need to fix/work on/learn:

 i need to raise my prices again or come up with a better system like ?? patreon at some point in the future maybe (because at this rate i have to draw at least 20 commissions each month JUST to make enough money to pay rent and insurance, and while jobs are coming in, which is great, i’m going to kill myself sooner rather than later with this workload)

i need to figure out a way to reduce the time i spend each day with just answering emails/messages/asks/mentions because it takes away a lot of time that i should spend drawing and while i really want to reply to everyone who takes the time to write me, i just can’t do it anymore without losing too much time orz so i’m trying to think of a solution, like a ?? monthly post in which i just reply to questions i’ve gotten a lot or something IDK

taxes wtf

as much as i love doing commissions, i do need to find a way to be able to work just as much on personal projects, because in the end that’s what i really want to do and what gives me the needed motivation to wake up in the morning and continue to work hard on myself and my skills

speaking of mornings, i need to find a daily routine again, my hours are all over the place, which i had decided i would allow myself for some months but it’s time i made a proper schedule that i can stick to

anyway, my current income consists of commissions, leftover comic sales and nice people who send me donations through ko-fi ; ;

at the end of the month i have not actually made any money though, usually i have a bit of a loss but that’s fine since i’m just starting out and you can never expect to make profit immediately when you start a business. i’m still figuring things out and will hopefully manage to actually make enough money to live off soon lol;;;;;;;;;;

i hope this ?? answers your questions?? if there’s anything else you wanna know, feel free to ask &i’ll try to not take 3 months to reply LOL

i’m more than willing to share whatever little experience and knowledge i can offer, i don’t believe in keeping things to yourself just so that nobody else can benefit from them, i think it’s much better to share information and help each other out if possible ;;;;

also i’m sorry if this is too much information that nobody asked for, i have never learned how to get to the point quickly OTL