#idk also as a gay man I really do not understand being afraid to interact with men sexually unless you have trauma

[demonfag69]

I was actually taking to someone about our experiences with this type of person and it’s so common and infuriating. I remember talking to a man who claimed to be bisexual but literally only follows women and pre-op/ super feminine trans men. He couldn’t wrap his head around me looking like a man as a trans man, even though I’ve been on T for over seven years. He couldn’t interact with me as a man, and when talking about feedism, would compare me to cis women. He’d send me pics of cis women my height and tell me that’s what I’d look like at a certain weight. For some reason I kept talking to him, and to get any response from him I had to send him images and videos of women (I was super depressed and compromised my morals). Every now and then he’d complain about how scared he was to talk to other men, even though he was talking to me. But I don’t think I counted as a “man” even though I pass, am masculine (for a faggot), and literally have a penis.

He’s not an isolated case. I see blogs from men who are “bi” that only reblog cis women, pre-op/ super fem trans men, and maybe like one person who looks masculine. These blogs never ever interact with trans fems…I wonder why (transmisogyny).

Anyways I can only speak about my experience as a gay man in fetish spaces on the internet. It’s truly insane that these dudes think they’re fooling anyone. Maybe you guys should try fucking men so you can stop being weird about it.

And before the biphobia allegations come in: this shit literally hurts other bi men. Imagine having to defend your identity because some dude on the internet is using your identity to get trans masc pussy because he thinks trans mascs are a different kind of woman.

Not to be mean but some of you cis bisexuals on here are kind of suspicious. It is very fucking strange to post/ post about cis women and pre-op/ pre- everything trans men. If you’re a Kinsey 1 or 2 at least be brave enough to post cis and trans women?

[firendgold]

@limerent-one

okay I was able to grab the ask before tumblr yeeted it into nothingness. if you are still lurking on tumblr I'm so sorry it took me so long to reply, and if not I hope you are doing okay!

hey firendgold,

(do u go by something that's shorter than firendgold?)

pls say more about Elphias' meeting with Harry and Hermione? idk why but this is one of many Inverse details that linger on my mind.

Also, advice or ideas for a Time Travel Harrydore fic? Neeed to get this out of my system or at least express it

so! I don't really have a preference for what I'm called. You can just call me fire if that's easier, or darkday since that's my main nickname.

re: elphias meeting:

I'm assuming you mean the meeting that Hermione alludes to in TILB. This is something that's actually going to come up again pretty soon in the story (once I start writing it again lmao), but I don't at all mind speaking on it a little more.

I have this headcanon that if Elphias Doge survives the war, he kind of latches on to Harry as someone who is also familiar with Albus-the-man. Sure, Albus is close with Minerva and Severus and others, but there's very important dynamics or layers to those relationships; he is Minerva's professor and then her boss and colleague, he is Severus' professor and then his boss and general and a little bit his moral compass. I would not dispute that they see authentic sides of Albus, but I think that Elphias and Harry are more acquainted with Albus as 'just a man' than anyone else besides maybe Grindelwald. Elphias and Albus were each other's best friends back when those were not coveted positions. Albus took a deeper interest in Harry's safety and well-being than the average person, and Harry cultivated a more authentic loyalty toward him than most of his lifelong acquaintances.

Add Elphias' canon meeting with Harry in DH onto that, and I think it serves as a good starting point for them once the post-war dust has settled. Inverse!Harry goes through an entire rollercoaster of feelings about Dumbledore by the time he meets Elphias again, in my mind. He's not healed yet by any means—he's not comfortable talking about Dumbledore with anyone else except Inverse!Neville—but Elphias is kind to him, and doesn't force him to talk. He seems to understand that Harry might appreciate hearing more casual stories about Albus, things that humanize him, things Albus never got the chance to share with Harry himself, but wouldn't mind Elphias sharing. Most importantly, Elphias never tries to be a father figure for Harry. Harry has had (and lost) enough of those, and Elphias knows right away that trying to replace Albus in that way would make Harry bristle and keep his distance.

That's the lion's share of the background I have in my mind for Harry and Elphias, and why his visit to Harry and Hermione that one time isn't unusual. He and Harry meet frequently to chat, and sometimes others are around when they do.

The other part of the importance of that particular meeting derives from the fact that:

Elphias is gay

Harry is unaware, and

Hermione is not unaware.

The Elphias headcanon that is Inverse-specific is that Elphias fell in love with Albus over time, but never got up the courage to confess or try anything that would bring Albus out of his "mustn't date anyone else ever again" shell, because he was afraid of losing contact with Albus entirely.

Hermione picks up on this fairly quickly after spending sufficient time with Elphias and Harry, and finally brings it up after the scene you mentioned. Her intent is to nudge Harry in the direction of "hey, it's likely that Albus was gay too". But Harry understandably didn't spend any portion of his teenage years wondering if his headmaster was "with" anyone or who Albus might be attracted to, because a geriatric sociopath was trying to kill him.

That's a LOT of extra words to basically say "Hermione was trying to delicately remind Harry of their last interaction with Elphias, where he said some things that definitely indicated that he was carrying a torch for a dead man, all so she can—delicately—remind Harry that Albus is gay and might find mysterious, compassionate Harry Evans to be too attractive to resist".

advice:

uh...

I feel as though I am very unqualified to give advice on time travel harrydore because my brain swings wildly from "I am Very Serious about this ship" to "lmao wouldn't it be funny if someone would fic this idea?" to "please, someone write or draw something, my crops are dying". But I've thought about it for a while to try and give proper advice anyway.

First off, the ship is still a rarepair, so you shouldn't feel pressured to write fireandgold A Certain Way in order to get approval. There's so few of us that we probably all would like to see different things, so you are guaranteed to be scratching someone's itch with your idea.

To elaborate on that... as more fics accumulate, I have seen a pattern where a lot of us like to write Harry time traveling back to the period when Grindelwald is still active, whether for Maximum Angst or for the delicious tugging-Albus-between-lovers undertone, etc. But if you want to write about Albus time-traveling forward to Harry's time or his future beyond canon, or Harry going to a different time when Albus was younger, or both of them being temporal fish out of water, you totally should! Just because there may be common themes that come out in fanfiction doesn't mean you should feel confined to only write those.

(On the other hand, if you are moved to write more Harry & Albus vs. Grindelwald, don't let my rambling dissuade you. That's actually like a fandom "holy shit, two cakes!" situation. More yummy content.)

Second bit of advice would be write what intrigues you about their relationship as it is in canon or could be in fanon.

Are you drawn in by Albus practically swearing never to love anyone ever again, yet finding a surrogate family member in Harry, and want to see how that could be played with?

Are you excited by the avalanche of angst coming from Albus' secretive nature and how that gets him in trouble with his loved ones?

Do you wring your hands about Harry's loveless childhood and background journey to make his own family?

Maybe it's Harry's Horcrux status, hidden to all but Albus, or their constant clashes about whether or not Snape is a good guy that makes your brain whir.

Or hey, if you want to write a fic where they get together but have to navigate having completely different opinions on secret-keeping and sending young people off to war, you should lean into that.

Those are just examples of course. The more passionate you are about the premise of your fic, the ideas you want to explore, and the scenes you want to yank out of your head and give to other people, the better your fic will be.

I think the third bit of advice is just "Have fun!" Kind of lame, but I can promise you that I will excitedly read and promote anything you write on this blog. It can be stressful in any fandom to try and push out fics because you're fighting your brain or the meta or canon or the insane author or the part of the fandom you just Don't Talk To, so as someone who struggles with all of those, my best advice is to relax as much as possible and let the harrydore consume you.

ideas:

Are royalty/regency AUs your thing? I have an ongoing regency AU dream I enjoy for these two.

Coffee shop AUs are very common, but for these two, we haven't had one yet.

What about a flower shop AU? The language of flowers features in Inverse too.

Crossovers are also a valid idea! They're not really my thing, but I did once read an HP/Star Wars AU that was more character-focused than SW lore-focused, putting tomarry and mentor!Albus in the SW universe. The fic was really good. Crossovers that incorporate another universe but still focus on fireandgold could be cool.

Related to earlier rambles: Albus traveling forward in time is a subject that has been explored by a few people, but not as many as the inverse. It might be fun to take Albus at any developmental period (Hogwarts age, pre-meeting Grindelwald, post-meeting Grindelwald but before The Duel, and so on) and hurl him into the 1990s. Especially fun if you do domino-effect "how did Albus' absence affect the timeline, or was he even absent" questions!

Harry doesn't necessarily have to be "finished" with the Stations of Canon before you hurl him back in time either. I personally think post-GOF!Harry to pre-chapter 36 of DH!Harry would have angst far more delicious than a grown Harry.

Consider: Albus and Harry's sexuality. It is fanfic and you can do whatever the hell you want. Is your Albus ace or panromantic? Is your Harry bisexual, or gay with a whole bag of trauma about performing cishet masculinity with Ginny and the kids for X years? Are these internal conflicts a significant part of the universe you're building?

LOVE TRIANGLES. Gellert and Ginny are the obvious thirds, but they're not the only people Albus and Harry are shipped with by far. What if Albus' old friend Elphias throws his hat in the ring, or Harry's longtime friends Hermione or Luna... or Neville or Ron? There's plenty of potential for storylines there.

Alternatively to love triangles: triads. There's nothing stopping you from shipping Albus and Harry with someone else. ^^

Those are just a few things rattling around in my brain. I hope this was helpful, and thank you again for submitting!

[diamondcitydarlin]

besties has anyone figured out a non gay explanation for why mobius absolutely flips his shit over the idea that loki seems to be in love with his own variant, like if we were really going for brotp nothing romantic whatsoever I could understand mobius being hurt/angry about loki lying to him and making an escape attempt anyway (whether it was actually that or loki taking initiative-...that's a different discussion lol) and i could even understand him being casually disappointed like wtf man really but uh...that's not what happens lol mobius spends the better part of their conversation TALKING ABOUT HOW GROSS IT IS HOW COULD U DO THIS WOW SORRY I INSULTED YOUR -GIRLFRIEND- THAT U HAVE SOME -SICK- -TWISTED- ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH 'SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!'

why. does it. bother him so much. ??? and why does loki feel the need to correct him at all??!?!?!?!? LIKE EVEN WHEN LOKI LIES ABOUT THE DYNAMIC OF HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH SYLVIE TO INTENTIONALLY HURT MOBIUS HE STILL SOMEHOW DOESN'T WANT MOBIUS TO CONFLATE ANYTHING AS ROMANTIC BETWEEN THEM LIKE???? i mean, sure, it's weird for most people. but. mobius. bruh. you've studied loki, I know you've seen some shit, and yet this really really really bothers u.

and it also doesn't fucking help the situation that by the time mobius has accepted loki's priorities (and affections) lie elsewhere he backs off, when he's leaving to go back and burn down the TVA he keeps it all real casual, just extends a hand and gives a 'see u around'- again, this is sussy bc if they were just friends who are now cool with each other there would be no reason for Mobius to be putting these boundaries between them all of a sudden. There would be no reason for Loki to recognize the moment begs something more than a handshake and embrace him accordingly. Why did Mobius originally avoid that embrace?

it's actually really romantic and tragic to think (the only real logical explanation for this, no criticism accepted) that Mobius reigns his own feelings back in long enough to apologize and work things out with Loki, long enough to see him off to the place beyond the void and keep those boundaries between them so Loki doesn't have to be burdened by the truth. Mobius has...really no concrete reason to believe they'll ever even see each other again, but he still doesn't make it Loki's problem.

like the part where they're about to go their separate ways and mobius does that momentary little look at the ground, as if to betray that there's a lot more going on within him that he's not going to reveal. its such a common romance trope and im pulling my hair out!!

i mean idk it really feels to me by this part of the story that both of them have caught feelings for one another and are both too afraid, too quick to assume it wouldn't be reciprocated so it's not even worth considering (according to them), but those feelings still crop up and end up defining their interactions regardless and even when they make up and agree to work together and are finally on the same page they still can't acknowledge it

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: July 10th

I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!

Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.

For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?

There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.

Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0

The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.

Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.

I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.

Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!

Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!

idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately

Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.

Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference! 

Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.

I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀 

I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!

I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked. 

Thank you for reporting ^^

I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~ 

There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!

hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :) 

I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.

Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore 

This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.

HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC 

Thank you for getting it!

Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩

Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.

Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right? 

Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.

Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty! 

Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart

Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe? 

Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.

Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?

No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.

Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in? 

You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!

Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more! 

I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.

is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch? 

A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.

I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. 

If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.

Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :) 

It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.

I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)

L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!

I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.

Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?

I understand if it's too complicated, just curious

Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.

playing our life > anything else 

Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂). 

Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.

Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha 

Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!

Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu 

No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.

Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3 

They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.

I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4? 

Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.

Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol 

Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.

Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc. 

It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.

In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before! 

Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.

I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that? 

It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever? 

Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.

hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :> 

I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!

Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game? 

OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.

I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1. 

I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.

As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?

They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!

Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.

Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?

You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.

Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you? 

No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.

Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing? 

Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.

Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc? 

He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.

Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments? 

Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.

hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.

sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.

Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.

I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<

Yes you can!

what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress? 

That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.

[tonya-the-chicken]

I’m not going to change your views but it does feel a bit dismissive when you say it wasn’t that bad because he had rich parents who neglected him but hey they got a maid for him and he probably wasn’t outcasted or bullied so hey it’s not that bad right 🤷‍♀️! I don’t know he definitely didn’t have the worse out of the villains but I don’t know it felt a bit dismissive is all. Although we need to all remember these are fictional characters so have no idea why the other anon needed to get so aggressive! Also the person in the notes I don’t know how to say it but uh the whole the Todoroki’s had a rich father they didn’t have to work a day in their life take is not a good look. Just because someone has parents with money it doesn’t derail the fact that neglect can cause trauma.

Anyways for the real reason I sent this, you wonder why Dabi is so insane. Well take into account the neglect alongside the fact that he burnt to near death up on that hill alone at the age of what 13? That’s got to be extra traumatising, especially for a child that was already not mentally ok. We also don’t know what his circumstances were like after that fire, like was he homeless? Or picked up by someone nefarious? Kind of like AFO(not him exactly but someone nasty) who maybe fed on his brewing anger and hate instead of positive healing. I’m sure we will find out at some point? I don’t think it was just what happened in the Todoroki household or the fire that broke his mind? There had to be other factors after the fire after his “death”!

[[WARNING!!! I love Dabi as a character but I am not a woobifier so if you are too much into him don't read!!!! No complaints taken, y'all will be blocked for being rude I am too old to deal with people unable to interact with me in good faith (anon it's not for you, you are good and I can't understand your point of view I am just not as good as a person and too old for that shit)]]

I don't think I will change my mind either but I feel like the belief that every trauma is equally bad is just... Simply wrong. Like, we can legit compare this stuff and how badly it affects our brain, what do y'all think psychologists research 🤷‍♀️ Like, your therapist won't tell you this because it's not their job to make you understand you not the centre of the Earth (and it won't help because it is a legit trauma response that is very valid but is annoying you're fucking 25 yo). And to say that, neglectful parenthood is probably the worst parenthood style, as far as I know XD I wrote coursework about this (neglectful bitches are having a lot of need to make us the biggest victims (the bitches is me))... It also feels really American to me? Like, are we going to pretend people who got to live in a nice house and were neglect somehow got it as bad as people living in poverty or warzones? Hello? Imagine telling some orphan "I know you have no parents but actually, my trauma of my father not spending enough time with me is just as severe as yours". Bruh couldn't be me sorry... Like, even taking into account the fact that we can have weaker or stronger nervous systems or be more prone to depressive episodes *looks in the mirror and cries* I simply wouldn't find the guts to say my trauma is as severe as idk people who had physically abusive parents or no parents at all or who were disowned for being gay

And like **again** I am not saying that neglect is not traumatic I WAS NEGLECTED THIS IS TRAUMATIZING AS FUCK. I just am living in a country at war and with lots of discrimination problems and I like... Can't say I am the biggest victim. Sorry I can't though there were times when I was a lot more bitchy especially before being in therapy so I understand where you are coming from and I know what I am saying won't resonate with everyone (it's ok go on your own healing journey I believe in you) but this doesn't mean it is garbage and won't help me or someone else... I've already talked once about it but as a person, I am very easily irritated and envious and really not your local Jesus and partially my trauma turned me like this so being more humble about my sufferings helps me not be a complete bitch (believe me or not but people with traumas and mental illnesses are often insufferable *looks in the mirror* not me though I am perfect... BUT IT IS OK TO BE INSUFFERABLE OK??? like, bitch, that's normal. That's normal to stink when you are depressed it's ok to be a bitch when you are hurting. Forgive yourself because I forgive you (when you are not being an abusive asshole but if you apologize and explain yourself I will forgive that too)

The reason why I talk about the fact he is rich is that I've got a disease called leftism and I am a person of several marginalized identities and since this fandom LOVES looking at characters like real humans, I looked at Dabi this way. And if Dabi was a real human, I wouldn't sympathize with him one bit. I would fucking hate him for being the biggest entitled asshole who commits crimes for the reason his Daddy didn't give him attention. Bitch, my Dad didn't give me attention either! But somehow I don't kill people! And I don't even have money!!!! But like... I am not denying that neglectful parents are not a problem. It is. But he is overreacting, bro. He needs to humble down and recognize the fact he is a fucking idiot (he is). He has inherently so much more resources to recover and heal himself than I had... Yes, I am just being jealous at this point but honestly. Making an entire country suffer for you is not a good thing and y'all need to stop using trauma and mental illness as an excuse for people. No! Being abusive to people because of neglect is not valid, is overreacting and you had no reason to do that. I am dismissing your trauma because you are exaggerating it to make me sympathize with your asshole behaviour. I won't judge people with different sets of standards as I judge myself

I bet it would be dismissive and bad if I said it in conversation with someone who is currently struggling with mental health and is not a murderer. But guess what! I don't talk with humans and my friends the same way I talk on my Tumblr about fictional characters 🤷‍♀️ Not to mention I don't have rich friends akabsksbxm

I think with Dabi there's this whole thing where we saw him at 14 (poor baby boy) and 24 (a grown-ass boy) and... Like, I am so sorry for 14 years old Touya not receiving the help he needs (bruh so relatable) but I am not gonna act like 24 years old bitch can't get his ass to a psychiatrist (extremely unrelatable and infuriating). We shouldn't apply the same standards to kids and adults. We can talk all day long about how society is bad and how our parents ruined us but at some points, you gotta take your life into your own hands and do something and be an adult. And it's fucking hard when you're born with a shitty brain that was fucked up by your parents even more in a society where no one gives a fuck but I sincerely don't know another way to live. You will feel bad and want to die but you either keep on recovering or keep on getting worse and at this point getting worse is Dabi's *choice* That's how I live, that's my framework and I am, of course, extremely fortunate in a lot of ways but I just don't know how are you supposed to survive without the notion that grown people are responsible for themselves and their mental health. We can't act like adults are babies

But as a character, Dabi is fucking hot ngl. Like, do I sometimes want to murder my entire family, make them suffer AND commit terrorist attacks? We all do. Dabi is the dark fantasy of us neglectful bitches craving some attention. Gotta kill the president and tell everyone that my Dad sucks. Imagine the entire country hearing your Dad sucks? That's the juice, that's the dream. Trauma makes you vicious. I get the sentiment. Imagine all those fuckers who made you feel like shit pissing their pants and crying? Imagine your Mom being afraid of you the way you used to be afraid of her? People do have the desire for some violent justice but like... Think of bullied kids committing school shootings. But instead of a kid, it's a grown man who graduated school and who also have a rich father

Ok too much about irl stuff and philosophy shit. I know my way of talking is kinda brute so just know the way I treat people is different from that I treat fictional characters, in particular, I don't call real-life humans submissive and breedable... And stuff...

Damn Dabi is kinda good to project your hatred of your parents in bruh, I should write a fanfic about that (would be cathartic)

To the plotline, I am also very interested in what the hell happened with him after burning because... How the hell he wasn't found? I kind of DON'T want him to be groomed at this point because I feel like it won't be as cool as him just more naturally evolving into what he became. Like, surely, he is an asshole but consider this: as a villain, he is morally obligated to be an asshole

I feel like someone hiding him and Touya overstating the gruesomeness of his living conditions to the dude so he feels *bad* for him and hides him and feels sympathy and Touya gets attention but also begins to reassure himself in the fact his Dad needs to be punished... Idk it's a lot of mystery but I feel like more suffering won't deliver the point the way I want it... I mean it CAN be handled this way and initially I thought a lot about Dabi being brainwashed a bit or having his memories altered so it seems worse to him or even him being groomed or lied too but nowadays I am not into it. I mean I believe in Horikoshi and that he will handle him well 🛐

I talk a lot so I will summarize

If we judge him as a real human

14 yo Touya - DID NOTHING WRONG IN HIS LIFE PROTECT HIM

24 yo Dabi - go fuck yourself bitch you older than me and act like a child and kill people, I couldn't care less about your trauma rich boy

If you want me to talk as his psychologist

Yeah, it is painful and sad, I understand him so much and surely, his trauma is valid as is his hatred but probably revenge won't bring him what he wants. And what he wants is love and attention. But he gotta make choices that will lead to his healing. He needs to *want* to heal. And we will step by step go to the healing because it is possible. He is loved and he is enough. AND YOU ALL MOTHERFUCKERS WILL HEAL I BELIEVE IN YOU BESTIES

Also his therapist (behind his back)

You won't believe it but my client is the most infantile attention whore I've ever met

But if we talk about him as a character... Very delicious soup

If you talk with your friends

Please, if your friends are being abusive to you or someone else don't even LET them say how their trauma made them this way. No. Nothing allows you to be an abuser. Call them out and stop them and make them talk to the therapist. Like, surely, there are extreme situations like severe mental illnesses or extreme neglect where we should be more forgiving but babying adults won't do you any good and won't make them recover

Yeah, I guess this is what I forgot to say. When I say "it wasn't that bad" what I mean is that I would be more forgiving to people who had it worse. It's more of a personal measure where I can tolerate stuff from people who had particular traumas or from those who suffered greatly (it's not my place to be a bitch here). I can forgive 14 years old or a poor person for stealing stuff but not the 25-year-old man who got no need for money and is not a kleptomaniac. I would be more forgiving to Shigaraki than to Dabi because Shigaraki was groomed a whole lot. Same for Toga, who is not even an adult or Twice who is a poor orphan. But that doesn't mean I would forgive them completely. All of them are shitty people. It's just that they had fewer resources and possibilities to not be what they became while Dabi had more but he acts like he is extremely hurt and the biggest victim which is like... There will be people like this in your life, please, don't make friends with them, they WILL abuse you

I talked a lot damn. It's adhd I can't shut up

[whentherewerebicycles]

hey ummm im tipsy too because it's my flatmate's birthday and I'm literally a lesbian woman but sometimes I worry I might not be lesbian and it scares me because I'm scared of men but sometimes I think a man is attractive (like my flatmate) and idk why I'm msging you about that, sorry if it's weird. but you seem to have very valuable insights about life that not many others have (somehow?? idk?) and I respect and appreciate that.

oh it’s not weird! i think one thing i have learned is that it is 100% okay and healthy to hold your own sense of who you are lightly, and to not feel so attached to a particular label that you don’t allow yourself lots of space to grow and change as you have new experiences or meet new people who bring out different facets of yourself. to me the label of ‘lesbian’ is not an Essential and Immutable Truth about who i am (ie something that can never shift or change over time). instead, using that label speaks to a decision i’ve made about how i want to orient myself in the world, how i want others to perceive and interact with me, and where i choose to channel my energy & attention.

when i first came out i spent many, many years feeling like i had to justify and “prove” that i was “really” a lesbian and that i was ~~~pure~~~ of any flickers of attraction or interest in men (there’s a conversation about internalized biphobia to be had there, but we’ll save it!!). i have described this phase (which i think characterizes many young or newly out lgbtq people’s experiences) as “the push,” because for me it was basically like, to get myself emotionally, intellectually, and socially free of the rigid constraints of compulsory heterosexuality, i had to PUSH really, really hard, to get enough distance between myself and all of that stuff. i had to shove it as far away from me as possible to lessen the chance that it would suck me back in. that was a normal and necessary part of moving into a more openly queer identity, and for many women who identify as lesbian the “push” involves completely disavowing any past interest in men or relationships with men or emotional attachments to men.

the push isn’t a bad thing! like i said, i think it is quite necessary at first, especially since women are subject to even more of the “are you sure? i mean, you’re not really gay, right? maybe you just haven’t met the right guy / maybe it’s just a phase / maybe you just couldn’t get a guy to like you / maybe you’re just afraid of men so you’re pretending you like women” bullshit than gay men are. but it’s a phase that i think most people eventually are ready to move out of (well, unless you are on twitter, and then you just live in the wake of the push forever and ever i guess). and that’s because it can be quite an intense and anxious headspace to live in, as you often feel a lot of pressure to “figure yourself out” (ie pin down what exactly you are -- are you a “real” lesbian or not?), as well as a lot of pressure to prove to yourself as much as to other people that you are who you say you are, or whatever. so it’s stressful to live there, and it also requires you to draw a lot of really hard-and-fast lines (like, “this is what a REAL lesbian is, and i’m only REAL if i follow all of these rules or check off all of these boxes all the time, and if i slip up maybe i’m not actually a lesbian, and i’m lying to myself and everyone else”).

over time i’ve come to hold my own identity more lightly, and to demand less certainty and fewer fixed answers of myself (and of others, too!). the identity label i use doesn’t really matter all that much to me - what matters is 1) that i am able to arrange my life and relationships in a way that makes me happy, and 2) that others respect the choices i make (something that’s not always within our control). right now, “lesbian” is the word that i like best as a descriptor, but i also know that labels are very, very generic categories that almost have to be emptied of specificity and nuance in order to encompass a very wide range of people. to borrow & repurpose a phrase from the transfeminist theorist emi koyama: there are as many ways of being a lesbian as there are lesbians. lesbian is just a general catchall umbrella category for an incredibly diverse range of lived experiences, histories, self-understandings, sexual and romantic choices, life narratives, etc etc.

if lesbian is the word that works for you or feels like the closest approximation to how you want to identify & be perceived by others, then call yourself a lesbian! it is completely and totally fine to be a lesbian who sometimes finds men attractive, or who finds herself attracted to a specific male friend. there’s nothing wrong with that! personally, i am a lesbian who has had important emotional and physical relationships with men in the past, and it’s possible that in the future maybe i’ll meet someone who i really click with who happens to be a man. it’s not maybe something that i would go looking for, and if it did happen, it would certainly prompt some soul-searching, as does any new experience that surprises us or complicates the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we want. but holding my identity labels and my sense of self loosely means that i don’t have to feel as threatened by the possibility of changing desires or a shifting understanding of who i am & how i want to arrange my life.

my real true belief is that the vast majority of people are probably capable of forming deep emotional and physical attachments to any kind of person, if the circumstances were right and the person was the right person at the right time and we were open to the possibility of an attachment. i think that very few human traits or preferences are ‘hardwired’ into us in fixed and unchangeable ways. in general, most of our traits are influenced by a combination of nature and nurture, or genetics + experience. so like, idk, maybe some of us who are born cis women are slightly more predisposed than other people to find other women attractive. but nurture, lived experiences, environment, social and culture influences, and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are all play a much, much more important role in determining how we make sense of that predisposition, and whether we come to use words like “lesbian” to identify ourselves. so the type of rigid, stridently defended boundaries or definitions we often feel the need to invoke & defend during the "push” are even less useful here, because how could a fixed set of black-and-white labels (which, btw, only emerged in the last 100-130 years) possibly encompass or account for the wonderful heterogeneity of human experience?

anyway i guess this is all a very long way of saying that i think your worry is completely understandable, and certainly something i spent many years of my own life feeling! but i also think it can be nice to hear from other queer women that there’s a place a little further beyond that, which is basically just this realization: i am who i am, and i accept myself as i am right now, while also understanding that “who i am” will continue to evolve & change my whole life long. you are a lesbian if you say you are a lesbian, and if you want to have a crush on your male flatmate or find a male celebrity attractive or even try pursuing something with a male partner, that’s okay: it doesn’t mean your lesbianism isn’t real, or that you are now going to be pulled back into a compulsory heterosexuality you worked hard to push yourself away from.

but it also doesn’t mean that lesbianism is where you have to stay forever, just because that’s where you’ve landed or what has felt right for you up until now. it’s completely okay, normal, and healthy to allow yourself that space to change. maybe you’ll move into a phase of your life where “bisexual” or “queer” or “pan” will feel like a closer approximation or a better shorthand for how you understand yourself & want others to understand you. or maybe you’ll come to find some other word that you like better, or maybe you’ll decide that you don’t even want or need a word to live your life the way you want. the point is that you aren’t fixed in place. you are free to explore and to experiment and to try out different ways of orienting yourself in the world. and you should do so, in ways that feel exciting and affirming and right for you.

[nobody-knose--archive]

i’ve been aching to commentate spirit phone’s commentary for ages. glad i finally got around to it, this was an ejoyable experience. liveblog below the cut

-i'm like half certain i've heard this commentary before. maybe not the whole way through & it was probably actual years ago

-nice hearing stuff like this. in-depth personal view of the album-making process. makes it seem like more of a real thing i could do myself someday

-neil cicierega real person momence

-i could probably go real in depth about neil cicierega/tally hall parallels specifically concerning like. the arc of their musical careers. but i won't, here

-wild how i legitimately don't care much about micheal jackson

-didnt we get a bunch of spirit phone stems from the needlejuice release/his patreon? we could probably hear the funny track he speaks of here in that

-i love hearing musical artists, especially neil cicierega, talking about the meanings of their songs. like, not only has this song been claimed to hell & back by the tumblr gays, but with later ones i just can't see where he gets these ideas from. also, claiming there's any one meaning or plot to a song just seems silly to me

-shoutout to neil reusing a midi from like, 1998, that he made at 12 years old, whose entire melody was reused for the main verses of everybody loves raymond. loved finding that out on my own 2 years ago. now it's common trivia in this fandom. not bad times

-it'd be neat if neil did individual trans tracks here like he did with view monstel, those things are half of why i consider it my favorite album

-it's a lot easier to ignore the creator's intended meaning behind a song when he can't even remember it. thanks neil

-seesaw effect

-and there's my joke all but 1 of my followers wont get. moving on

-what kinds of movie theater lobbies has neil been to where there are arcade machines. i mean im not one to talk but that does sound rather strange

-why do songs' titles even need to be taken from the lyrics. ive never seen that as any sort of requisite. it's like titling any form of prose you can just give it whatever name ya like

-"this part sounds pretty cool right"

-is neil's vocal range only mildly better than mine? with training i could change that

-oh i haven't processed any of the last 25 seconds hold on

-god. a shit ton of vocal modification in this song. it's like neil returned to his roots but with quality this time

-i, as an ace/aro, have never related more to an allohet guy in my life. what is the point of eyes!

-professional humming/whistling takes skill. it's different from the recreational or casual stuff. i'd know

-there's a name for the way sound (especially music) gets distorted when moving past you and i can't remember it but it's probably what neil's referring to here in the way he recorded the intro

(- update: it's the doppler effect no need to tell me cas already did)

-as someone who hasnt seen the rugrats or take me there by blackstreet i'll just say it sounded like a bouncy music box melody. nice to hear a song that messes with the typical scales though. lydian & diatonic.

-that's a rather specific thing to be glad about, but given what he talked about in his last full audio commentary about the jew harp i suppose i'm not surprised

-i know that tmbg song now. listened to it & saw the music video too. yep they're different alright

-where the hell does neil get all these instrumence from anyway

-huh. hadnt heard this part of the commentary before making my oc concerning this song but i like to hear neil's approval concerning part of my interpretation

-i love how ive heard a billion different tellings of this mellified man story from lem dem fans talking about this song and neil's is by far the wildest

-good god that does only make it worse neil

-i love making liveblogs of lemon demon albums. with the fullerenes or tally hall i cant name a specific dude to take out my woes on generally but with lemon demon i can just say neil all the time. i like being on a casual first name basis with this dude ive never interacted with once ever

-is sweet bod the one other than cabinet man with a demo in the bonus tracks? i forget

-holy shit the boston molasses disaster someone call up soapy if it doesnt already know, it'd love this

-two thousand nine. god i miss the fiddle solo. the ver with it is truly the best one

-he pronounces it jeff? i've always read it as gef with a hard g. that's what i get for knowing words that are never spoken aloud

-that's a fun meta interpretation of this ghost story that's over a century old. i like that

-i've noticed neil generally does the same synths across a whole album. it's especially more clear in the earlier ones, and does mean i occasionally mix up songs between clown circus & live from the haunted candle shop

-ah! ancient aliens! my least favorite track on this album. i cant even claim to have the least interest in a popular one i've just generally not liked this one much from the beginning. so im curious to see what neil's got to say, i think ive been in ~new commentary zone for a while now

-anyway. newest update on the loolin not realizing a song's funky time signature front: i think this one's in 6/4. or at least switches a lot between time signatures. granted i dont listen to it very often for the reasons stated above

-see the way neil describes it. eldritch horror upon being visited by the unknown at a time when humanity'd hadn't even yet had a chance to imagine such a thing occurring. should be right up my alley. but the sound itself & many of the lyrics simply turn me away.

-must i specify i don't dislike it? spirit phone is neil's best album it not being my favorite doesn't mean i think it's bad yadda yadda nobody should be surprised by this it's not like anyone in these fandoms reads my liveblogs <3

-granted i think this is. the first bit of spirit phone content i've made on my blog ever. so who knows things can change <3

-the transitions in spirit phone are much less view-monster transition tracks & more extended outros. view-monster's were a bit more intro than outro sure but they also seemed directed upon making a 2-way rather than 1-way bridge between tracks. or something like that

-.............soft fuzzy man is an incredible nickname for a cat. i'd steal that if i werent afraid of introducing my relatives to lemon demon

-jirls

-an underlying metaphor is good enough. the literal side of the lyrics are fun. nothing but agreement here neil my good man

-the transition into as your father i expressly forbid it from soft fuzzy man is the best one in this album

-buddy you ask if a musical idea has been used before odds are the answer is yes in this day & age the question is has it been used in the way you're using it. like sure this soul jazz record from the 60s that was sold out in kansas stores for a week used this bassline that youve found yourself copying. but seeing as youre using it in some angsty garage rock ballad type tune does anybody actually care

-doesn't everybody like to say things in an unhinged manner from time to time

-imagine having a guitar dad, i say, with my dad being a folk accordion/fiddle dad, which is infinitely worse in every way

-i think he was in an actual folk band at some point. idk the 90s were weird

-iron my life?

-m-more intimate? there are a lot of ways i'd describe this song but intimate isn't one of them. granted as your father is negatively intimate so from there i guess you've got nowhere to go but up

-...still glad to see his interpretation kinda supports my oc at least

-the way he says characters in songs shouldn't worry about death really strongly makes me think this is some sort of. thematic continuation of stuck from dinosaurchestra, even if there's no real death in there. interesting. would also mean that the dad from these past 2 songs is named carlos betty (no last name)

-i literally never assumed this was a flute solo. piccolo at best. it's pretty clearly a recorder

-my mom plays the recorder. i wonder if she can play recorder better than neil cicierega

-we can throw a party in honor of the crushing weight of responsibility! i simply won't be the one throwing it because i have enough on my plate already <3

-what the hell does "a sense of intent" mean

-i've never heard rush before however i disagree with neil's understanding of 6/4. 6/4 is meant to have emphasis (onbeat or another term i can't remember) on the 1st & 4th beat of every measure, which is greatly different from a measure of 4/4 then a measure of 2/4. it's why his 5/4 always sounds weird, because while it's recognizable in sequences of 10/4, it's more 2 measures of 4/4 with one of 2/4 tacked on the end. that's also how it's different from 3/4. i don't know much music theory but what i do understand i will fight to the death about

-"canonized" that's. a very interesting term to use when referring to a former president

-from now on i will interpret every love song directed at some unseen "you" to be inviting me to marry them for tax purposes. thanks neil for being an aromantic icon

-ah hell yes hell yes man-made object is my favorite goddam song on this album

-short & sweet & good damn vibes. neil's thoughts on it all are only making it better

-wild how he uses very few vocal effects for a song that he clearly is straining his vocal range for. go off neil

-the qualifier of man-made is a wonderful thing. oldest or biggest thing? oldest or biggest man-made thing? what a incredibly important specification. a world of possibilities lie between the two. oh i love it

-just gets me thinking yknow! what we consider weird/impressive in another species, in our own species- what kind of equivalent to that would there be from an outsider looking in? are there alien versions of the significances we place upon things, that we could never imagine? the limits of the human imagination mean we could never conceive of something else in the world that isn't, in some way great or small, just like us- and are we wrong for thinking that? such a juicy topic i wish there were a name for it because it's kinda hard to explain concisely

-spiral of ants. my second favorite song from this album, in fact. a good one to experience

-the vocals are just another instrument. they really truly are. i wasn't going into this commentary expecting to feel solidarity for neil cicierega in this chili's tonight on more than one occasion but here i am.

-like, his whole stance on interpreting songs is something i agree with almost entirely. you can take it at face value, you can dig to their very depths, you can listen to songs without caring what the lyrics mean whatsoever, and those are all fun. & yeah while any of these people can be annoying as one of the types who enjoys gliding on the surface more than anything i find those who dedicate themselves to figuring out the whole meaning of a song over anything else to be both slightly scary & slightly annoying <3 keep up the good work

-i want to make songs for my siblings the way neil makes songs for his sibling(s)

-spinch

-neil really shouldn't be allowed to be this funny like this whole album youre thinking golly! he's just a normal man this neil cicierega! and then he starts listing the cat hacks jokes & you remember he's had ridiculously consistent viral success with all his humorous endeavors and holy shit it's neil cicierega in action talking about his music. god bless you neil

-you're welcome, no problem, my pleasure. good eveternoon, radio audience!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #323

“dehumanized upon a shell  /  we came to bleed it dry  /  obsessed with divine wealth  /  divide and multiply”

Have you ever drawn on someone’s face while they were sleeping? No. Would you scuba dive in shark infested waters if you had the chance? No thanks. What is your favorite slow song? There are so many, but one of the slowest and most beloved of mine is "Obstacles" by Syd Matters. It gives me goosebumps without fail. It's one song I know I want at my hypothetical wedding. If there were aliens on earth, would you be afraid? I mean, yeah. I'd want to know their intentions. If your best friend died, would you be able to speak at their funeral? It'd be extremely difficult, but if I had any say in it, I absolutely would. Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times it causes too much pain, depending on the pictures, of course. Do you tend to have a lot of drama in your life? Definitely not. My life is painfully uneventful. When’s the last time someone was disappointed in you? I don't know. Do you have a house phone? No. Which fast food place do you eat at the most? McDonald's. Have you ever met someone on the Internet in real life? Yep. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Do you like being in pictures? No. Do you travel a lot? Essentially never, even though I'd love to. Do you play any sports? No. Do you like pickles? Yesssss. How many times have you been kicked out of a store? Never. Is there things you’ve told someone that you’ve NEVER told anyone else? Probably. When was the last time you had alcohol? My birthday dinner last month. Are you one to often make typos? No, except when I'm texting. I have autocorrect on for a reason. On a hot day, would you rather prefer ice cream or a popsicle? Ice cream. Have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? Yes, but I just didn't want to drink anymore at one point. I'm far from a lightweight, apparently. Have you played cards recently? No. Is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist? Mother Mother immediately comes to mind, but not the main singer; he's great. The woman who occasionally joins in is fucking horrendous. Like, it hurts my ears. Is there a certain song you like to headbang to? I don't and never have really headbanged, surprisingly. It's a sure-fire way to make me dizzy. Anything you might be giving up on soon? I hope not... Sometimes I feel like it's time with photography, but I just. Can't. Have you ever captured a moth? I've raised a caterpillar into one before, then of course let it go. Is there a band/artist who has strange lyrics but you love them anyway? Otep, noteably. When was the last time you wore earrings? It's been a long time. How many pairs of heels do you own? I don't think I have any. When was the last time you changed your picture on Facebook? Uhhhh it's been at the very least a month, but I know more. Would you consider yourself to be physically strong? Absolutely not, especially my legs. I struggle to fucking walk because they're so weak. Have you ever painted a piece of furniture? Yes, actually. I helped Jason paint his shelf black. Do you have a really fat cat? No, we never have. We've always been good about keeping our pets at a healthy weight. Do your initials spell a word? No. When was the last time you went to a playground? A year or so ago when I was taking pictures of someone's son, as well as just general family photos. That same family just had another baby the other day. Have you ever made a business card for yourself? No. Do you have a favorite curse word in a different language? No. Are there any recipes you have memorized? No. Do you know your multipication times tables? Lol not most of them, no... It's been way too long. Do you have a favorite font on the computer? Of the basic ones, probably Garamond. Are you good at creating logos? *shrugs* I've only ever really made my photography watermarks, and I only JUST made one I like pretty well. How about catch phrases? I don't make those. Have you ever been severely burned? Not severely, no. Did you ever dream that you had a baby? I've actually had numerous dreams where I was pregnant, but I don't THINK I've had one where the baby was born yet. Do you or anyone you know have a rabbit? No. What was the weirdest thing you ever saw cross the road? Hm, nothing too weird, I think. Last song you got stuck in your head? "ALTÆR" by 3TEETH. Last song you listened to? ^ Favorite movie quote? I don't know. Maybe Rafiki's quote about the past hurting, but you should take that opportunity to learn. Favorite lyric? That is impossible. There are so, so very many that just like slather me in goosebumps. What magazine are you an avid reader to? None. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? I have. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? Man, take me the hell back to my WiiFit days. I was pretty damn fit. The last time I did it, it was seriously alarming how much I struggled doing things that were once pretty effortless. When growing up, did you parents keep the house very tidy? "Very" seems a bit too much, but Mom definitely kept it in order. How many watches do you own? None. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? Yes. Emergencies happen. Do you have any gay relatives? Yes; my mom has a cousin who's gay. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? Not recently, no. If so, what was the reason? ^ What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? Oh, y'know, dropping out of college three fucking times. Once I pay my own bills and I truly understand finances, that's going to fucking wreck me. Do you like metal music? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck yeah. If so, what sub-genres of metal do you like the best? Heavy and symphonic. Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? My mom for bringing home lunch recently. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? Maybe like a month when I was technically homeless? How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? It was preeeetty rough. Do you like strawberry shortcake? No. What’s the last you got out of the freezer? A microwavable breakfast bowl. Do you go on the computer or watch TV more? Guess. Explain why you are single: Because I'm a very, very underdeveloped "adult" that has very little clue what she's doing. At my age, I and any potential partner should want someone with direction. What feature do you usually get most complimented on? My hair. Has anyone ever accused you of being gay? Well, I'm bi. I had this weird therapist once in middle school though who asked if I was a lesbian... Idk why she did? What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? I'm in an advanced ball python husbandry group, and while a lot of people there are utter, degrading elitists, they do have valuable information. Did you name all of your stuffed animals and dolls? I sure did as a kid. What would you have your bridesmaids wear? Probably black dresses, and I think it'd be really cool if I were to marry a woman, the bridesmaids wear checkered Converses colored into a rainbow pattern, or something like that. Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? I think Alaska, if it was a good time to see the Northern Lights. Are you sick right now? No, thankfully. Do you feel loved? Yes. Do you like your butt? Why or why not? God no. I have such a flat ass. Are you ashamed of your faith? I'm assuming by this you mean religion, in which case, I don't have one and am not ashamed of that. Has anyone ever tried to force their beliefs on you? Yes. Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? Again, I'm bisexual. I have never had a personal act of homophobia inflicted upon me, though. Have you ever been accused of being homophobic? Yes, because I was for most of my life. Fucking repulsive to remember. "Repulsive" is much too gentle a word, but yeah. It is so, so embarrassing to recall myself ever believing it was wrong because my then-religion said no-no. Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I have two pets. I would be so, so lonely without any. :/ I've had pets my entire life. Who was the last person you went on a date with? Sara. How long has it been since that last time you went on a date? Like two or so years. Do you think babies are cute? They can be, but I usually don't find them all that cute, honestly. Especially newborns/very young infants. They're usually hideous. My youngest niece is actually the only newborn that I remember seeing that I thought was absolultely precious. What is your favorite style of pants? Ripped skinny jeans. Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. Who was the last person who broke your heart? Jason. ^Do you still miss this person? I'm sure I always will to some degree. Do you have someone to talk to and share your secrets with? Sara more than anyone, but Mom, too. Is there someone you feel extra shy around? Just men in general. Have you been hurt more by friend break-ups or romantic break-ups? Romantic. Closest living thing to you? My snake's terrarium is against the opposite wall. She's in her hide. Would you rather drown or burn alive? Drown. You go unconscious first, so. And I'd assume it to be faster than burning alive. Also me no like hot. :'''( Who is the last person you got really pissed off with? My stepmother posted some ignorant bullshit on Facebook about how people blow out of proportion our "supposed" environmental crisis. I nearly deleted her right then and there. I take that shit seriously. Most of her beliefs drive me insane, honestly, but she's a wonderful person at heart, so I just bit my tongue. Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with? Girt. What type of sushi do you like to eat? Never tried it, don't want to. Was the last person you kissed physically attractive? Yes. Do you have any flowers in your room? No. Do you know anyone that owns horses? Yes. Well, I took pictures for her family, anyway. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? Jesus, yes. My little sister. Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? Neither are "big" health freaks, especially not Dad when you consider he smokes and knows it'll be what kills him. My mom is diabetic though, so she's reasonably careful. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? We don't have any. Ma tries to keep snacks out of the house for both hers and my sake. If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear? OH BOY idk. I'd probably spend days planning the "perfect" thing. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? I do. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Yep, my band teacher. He was incredibly loved by literally everyone. Do you have your mom’s or dad’s eyes? Neither's. They both have brown eyes. What’s the best date movie? We gonna have a problem if you don't watch The Notebook w/ me if I have it on lmao. How long has your current best friend been your best friend? Many years now. (: Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I might swear under my breath, but I don't yell. Would you rather name your daughter Andrea or Eva? Andrea. If you were adopted, would you want to know? Yes. Do you know anyone who has grossly skinny eyebrows? I couldn't care less about someone's eyebrows. Do your pets chase after bugs? Oh yes, Roman certainly does. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? Hmmm... this actually happened recently, but I don't remember why... What is your mom’s favorite movie? I don't know, actually. I think it's some romance one. What TV family reminds you of your own family? None, really. Do you know anyone who always looks perfect? Who? One of my best high school friends Alon was like... just always pristinely beautiful, it seemed like. I haven't seen many pictures of her lately, but I'm sure that hasn't changed. Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? I think so once, yes. Who was the main character in the last book you read? A dragon named Sunny. Who are the last people you saw kiss? On the lips, I'm sure it woulda been my sister and her husband. Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Clouds, I think. Well, it would depend on their design, I guess, and time of day. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? Probably my mom. Does your best friend get along with their parents? She has a wonderful relationship with them. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? I was the fat, hideous, crying bridesmaid. ;x; Are you purposely hiding something from someone? No. What’s the most intimate thing you’ve discussed with a stranger? My suicide attempt with doctors. What, if anything, do you substitute for fries? I always get fries. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? No. Are you in an argument with anyone right now? No. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Yes. Who’s the last person who cussed you out in anger? My grandmother. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve meet online? Sara. Have you friended your parents on FB? Mom, yes. Dad doesn't have one. What’s the last tourist area you visited? Chicago. Mice or roaches? Mice are precious, meanwhile I hate roaches. Did you give or get any Valentines this year? No. Well, Mom bought me and my sisters each a delicious candy apple, if that counts? What’s your homepage? Google. Is there anyone whose grave you visit? No.

[elftwink]

LUP and if you're cool with doing multiple, magnus, merle, and taako

i’m absolutely good to do multiple i love Having Opinions

LUP:

How I feel about this character: loml like IDEAL character god like not to show emotions i main but i cried when she was introduced and then she showed up and was just undeniably the coolest character on the podcast god BLESS

All the people I ship romantically with this character: lucretia or barry but like honestly to be honest with you. more w/lucretia and how much i even like barry and her relationship w/him is really more due to fan created content vs anything actually in the show, especially because literally we just dont hear anything about her feelings until they’re already together like griffin i get it its a big show theres a lot to cover but like. idk lup could have mentioned once that the feeling was mutual or something. this part should have been under unpopular opinion but whatever

My non-romantic OTP for this character: MAGNUS….. they r good friends

My unpopular opinion about this character: a tame opinion i have thats more just a hc is that i have is that she has a bob because she’s bisexual and also because chin-to-shoulder length hair is “just started transitioning and i need plausible deniability” culture and sometimes after that’s all done you’re like “this length isn’t bad as long as i properly cut and style it” and thats my proof. my other opinion is that i 100% honestly believe if she had switched places w/lucretia she would have done something similar and thats why she forgives lucretia so fast bc she understands the choice lucretia made. she would have executed it differently to be sure but like. same principle

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: interactions…… with lucretia….. more of them i am so starved ever since griffin said he wished we saw more of their friendship i have been in a pit of despair. give it to me

the rest are under a cut bc Long

TAAKO:

How I feel about this character: fucking superb you funky little wizard

All the people I ship romantically with this character: tbh mostly just kravitz. there are other ships im not against but honestly most other ships just sort of feel like….. like ppl just feel the need to ship taako w/every man to walk the earth and im over it, especially w/ppl he barely speaks to or to whom other members of the thb have better relationship dynamics

My non-romantic OTP for this character: ren!!!!!!! also davenport i feel like especially post canon they’re really close friends. also hurley. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: i DONT understand shipping him with sazed and i never have. for a long time i was CONVINCED there was going to be some brief mention of him being an ex or them being involved or even just of the relationship dyanmic being complicated or having a power imbalance favouring sazed or SOMETHING but literally all that happened was sazed got jealous and tried to poison taako. and like. idk was that backstory of watching 40 ppl die not traumatic enough for people? did we also need to add in that sazed was an abusive boyfriend? stop writing gay ppl suffering for entertainment

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i fucking lie awake at night thinking about what would have happened if taako fell under the thrall of the gaia sash and magnus and taako had to help him and hurley and sloane came back right away as dryads and joined the team. it haunts me. he failed that will save and i wanted CONSEQUENCES. also b4 anyone is like “they’re immune” prove it.

MAGNUS

How I feel about this character: Projection Central tbh like……. travis and magnus both are like uncanny valley like me. like so much like me that it is sometimes deeply uncomfortable. anyway i love magnus 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: julia obvs and also avi like… me and 4 other ppl for that one

My non-romantic OTP for this character: lucretia like…. team human. also 100% magnus lucretia and lup are the dream team in every single way they are great friends and they compliment each other really well change my mind

My unpopular opinion about this character: honestly. i think he should have taken the chalice like first of all it would have been dope for gameplay second of all i think every day about the way that would have affected his character

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: kravitz sidequest in suffering game like is arms outstretched cool? yes. do you know what would have been cooler? a fucking sidequest through the astral plane. we are denied plot points because magnus refuses to die…. unbelievable. also i wish we got to see more of him post canon like bc his finale was when he died we missed out

MERLE:

How I feel about this character: dilf

All the people I ship romantically with this character: davenport and like. kind of john i guess but not as much

My non-romantic OTP for this character: probably lucretia also…… its important to me that lucretia has friends. also like. i think post canon merle is one of the first people to forgive her and hes most like he was during tsc with obviously more growth and so they get along like old friends the quickest and the most. honestly i really do think merle is charming in a very specific merle way and he gets along with so many people so its like. honestly everyone. the man tried to be friends with the hunger like the compassion……. the care for other ppl… the commitment to joy…… i fucking love merle

My unpopular opinion about this character: DILF. THE TAZ FANDOM IS AFRAID OF THE TRUTH BUT IM NOT

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i always thought it was a weird choice to bring up merle’s arm during the chalice because it was played so much as a joke metatextually that it felt out of place next to the other two. especially knowing merle has backstory fodder too. i dont remember if they’d gotten to it yet. anyway i wish either they’d taken the arm thing more seriously the whole time or his option at the chalice was something else, i think the scene would have been more balanced. maybe it just felt out of place to deal with something we saw in game tho because the other two were backstory hooks. who knows.

then again griffin also brought up phandalin and they NEVER cared about that like it was always a joke so think partially it was griffin being like “CARE THESE ARE VERY SERIOUS THINGS THAT HAPPENED” so i guess thats fine. idk where im going with this. 

[shalvis]

Ace Attorney | Narumitsu | Edgeworth >:3c its your turn

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: I love. Dick Gumshoe. So much. He is just a big puppy and he cares so much and tries his best.

Least Favorite character: Saying Manfred would be too obvious, so I’ll say April May, because she’s a cute design and I love the cat thing but they don’t do enough with those elements to make her anything but annoying to me.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Narumitsu, Gumworth, Franmaya, Cykesquill (I guess? I haven’t seen that game yet), Mia/Lana

Character I find most attractive: P...Phoenix....

Character I would marry: P..

Character I would be best friends with: Maya 

a random thought: Hobo Phoenix is the cutest of them all

An unpopular opinion: Edgeworth is Trans and Franziska is NB. Together they trans their genders and update autopsy reports

My Canon OTP: Narumitsu isn’t canon but might as well be

My Non-canon OTP: Franmaya

Most Badass Character: Franziska uwu

Most Epic Villain: IDK about epic but I really like the design of Wellington. He looks like Phoenix but if he was a JJBA character.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Narumayo

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): April May is already talked about but also I feel like Ema Skye is a little one dimensional in Rise From The Ashes. Maya said that she’s more fleshed out in a later game though so..

Favourite Friendship: Pheonix, Edgeworth, and Larry’s childhood shenanigans

Character I most identify with: who do you think

Character I wish I could be: again. who do you think

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: a long time before I even knew what Ace Attorney was. It’s one of those ships that is kind of just widely known.

My thoughts: I adore them. They balance each other out in so many ways and it’s just really nice to see Edgeworth opening up to literally anyone like. He doesn’t seem to do that a lot. The fact that he can open up to Phoenix and not be afraid of not being taken seriously is like. astronomical. Also I project a lot.

What makes me happy about them: Their canon very gay interactions. I think they like. Define the term coded. It seems way too obvious to suggest that the writers didn’t intend them to be very very gay. And for a game from 2001/2 that’s pretty damn impressive. So many shows and such have trouble now, in almost 2020, in coding characters without just turning it into queerbait. Even canon gay content fails in some areas but Ace Attorney like. Ran so these other medias could walk I guess.

What makes me sad about them: Edgeworth is so wound-up and traumatized that he can’t even rightfully accept an award for his performances. He probably could never believe that he is anything that Phoenix would be into, even if Phoenix came right up to him and told him that he’s gay and his type is tall-ish red lawyers with gray anime hair and ruffles. Edge would be like ‘...surely he means someone else with those features and not me.’ WHICH IS SAME HAT but also sad.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Just the sheer amount of abo stuff out there. And that one AU where basically every triggering thing out there is crammed into one fic. Also fics that turn them into the seme/uke trope but were written in 2018/19 like. Grow up.

Things I look for in fanfic: Pining!!!!1 Pining! Marriage, Edgeworth being Trucy’s dad, Phoenix and Edgeworth talk about trauma and understand each other, pining holy shit, being on a first-name basis with each other, edgeworth feeling understood for the first time in his life

My wishlist: Those things I just listed. 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Phoenix would end up with....man idk. it really seems that he and dahlia didn’t work out and that kind of poisoned dating for him. I don’t know if he’d even pursue anyone after that if Edgeworth wasn’t grandfathered in via their preexisting crushes on each other. Edgeworth would probably not pursue anyone either but he’d always be close with Gumshoe. (I feel like Phoenix would be the one to tell Edgeworth that it is okay to crush on Gumshoe so they wouldn’t likely be a thing without Phoenix)

My happily ever after for them: married, Trucy has two loving dads, one dog (pess) and one cat (phoenix affectionately names the cat edgey), they grow old together.

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: Kinny,

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Phoenix, Gumshoe, I jokingly rb’d one that ships him with blackquill but that’s only bc my boyfriend Gerry kinned blackquill and I was surprised that there was art of him with edgeworth so I tagged him in it.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Maya!!! also Franziska. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: He’s trans as hell, and has known this since he was a child.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Recovery from his trauma. Bonus points if he and Franziska recover together because they lived in the same household for a lot of it.

Favorite friendship for this character: Maya!1 they watch steel samurai reruns when edge feels down.

My crossover ship: Jokingly shipped him with Lunafreya once because Dex kins Lunafreya

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam France season 3, episode 2 reaction

Skam France is really leveling up

Eliott Demaury, raccoon enthusiast is the best creative decision they’ve ever made

Episode 2

Clip 1 - surejan.gif

Is the B-roll or w/e at the start of the clip the same place Lucas was brooding in the first clip of the season? It’s probably reading too much into it but I like that those two dudes on the bench are there for a reason, like mirroring Lucas and Eliott at the end of the last episode, sitting with space between them (no Chloé in the middle, though).

Lucas scrolls through his phone looking for Eliott. He doesn’t find him, but he does find a friend request from Chloé, which he accepts after a moment’s hesitation. Son, she’s going to take that as a marriage proposal.

Mika plops down beside him and nags Lucas about the rent. Now that Manon’s parents are no longer financing Lucas’ rent, seems like he’s behind. Can I just mention that Mika and Lucas look like they could be related? I know it is a running Skam fandom joke that the Evak couples look related (sometimes said with underlying homophobia IMO BUT I’m not going to go into that rant now) and I’ve seen people say Lucas and Eliott look similar, but Lucas and Mika are the ones who stick out the most to me. Actually, Lisa too. If you told me that this was an apartment of like ... three siblings being gay and cranky at each other, I would buy it. 

Notifications are going off on Mika’s phone. It’s because Mika changed his profile pic, which he helpfully shows to Lucas/the viewers - I mean, I can get why his phone is blowing up, not gonna lie. No dick from what I can see, but you know. Suggestive. Pubes are clearly visible.

Lucas is like, I don’t want to see that! Well, I don’t think Lucas objects to naked men but I believe him in this instance because Mika is fulfilling the big brother role. Mika teases him about seeing what a man’s body looks like. Don’t worry Mika, in like a month Lucas is going to have very thorough knowledge of what a man’s body looks like.

Mika then asks for Lucas’ advice on a straight dude who wants a blowjob. Does he want it for himself or to do it to Mika? He helpfully imitates a blowjob that freaks out Lucas. I mean, it kinda freaks me out, I had war flashbacks to that grapefruit technique video. (If you have not seen that video, all I’m going to say that it is highly NSFW, not to be watched in public or if you have a heart condition, and I’m sorry.)

Mika is like, if you want to suck dick, you’re not that straight. Lucas is like, well, maybe he wants to try. Maybe that guy is just curious! HMMM Lucas, interesting train of thought. I’m sure you have no personal investment in this debate whatsoever. Mika helpfully shows Lucas’ a picture of the “curious” guy’s butthole. That Mika, being so helpful today.

Lucas gets up because he doesn’t want to spend his weekend looking at naked guys. Well, maybe not guys, plural. Again, in about a month you’re going to look back on that comment and laugh, bro. 

Mika and Lisa agree that Manon was funnier. Lmao, I kinda love how they’re so unimpressed with Lucas. 

Clip 2 - Light and dark

Lucas walks into school on Monday morning and … goes through an attendance book? He didn’t even hesitate, this guy does not give a single shit, does he? He’s just going to grab love by the balls. The camera puts us in Lucas’ POV by focusing from top to bottom like it’s imitating Lucas scanning the list, which is a good detail. Skam France had some POV issues I didn’t care for in previous seasons so this feels more carefully thought out. 

Just as I’m noticing Raptor Alex’s name above Eliott’s, the man himself appears. Oh yeah, they’re supposed to be pals now. They have a short conversation where Lucas is like, WHOOPS, silly me taking the wrong book! When Alex asks for the register, Lucas snakes out and distracts him by congratulating Alex on him and Emma. Alex is like, “Huh? Did Emma tell you that?” Well, they were obviously making out at the party and hanging out together in their IG stories, so while it’s maybe an assumption that they are 100% a couple, there’s obviously something going on between them.

I’ve never really been like ... dying for Isak/P-Chris friendship or interaction post-S2, although I think it could have been interesting. Plus, Chris had graduated by S3 so there weren’t as many opportunities for them to interact. But it’s a nice follow-up here since Raptor Alex is still in school with them. (Was he supposed to graduate along with Charles last year, though? I totally forgot. It feels like those seasons aired forever ago.)

Bell rings, Lucas scampers off with the register. I was like, “Wait, did he even put it back?” until Alex calls after him for it, lmao. I like to imagine that it’s just gone forever, a casualty of love.

In the classroom, Lucas looks up Eliott on his phone. Unlike Isak, he has the wisdom to plug in earbuds before listening to anything.

He’s looking at a crowdfunding page for a project of Eliott’s. It’s noted that the project closed and that the funding was not reached, and that detail punched a hole in my heart. Instant poignancy, instant affection for Eliott. We don’t know the circumstances yet of why he didn’t meet his goal, and if it was at all related to his manic/depressive episodes - perhaps a nice bit of foreshadowing if it turns out they are related - but it’s automatically sympathetic to learn someone had a dream that went unfulfilled. 

In a video, Eliott is talking about his project - a film called Polaris, about two characters and a tunnel. One is a boy, and one is not specified, (a boy, a girl, a creature) which I think is hinting at Elliott’s pansexuality, that he’s okay with any gender, it doesn’t matter to him. The second character does not leave the tunnel, because they are afraid of the light, and they meet the boy, who’s afraid of the dark. They can’t live in each other’s worlds so they chat at the border without ever seeing each other. They talk and fall in love but never meet until one of them decides to conquer their fears and go to the other’s world.

So there’s a lot of obvious symbolism here. Tbh, it’s pretty on the nose and I wish they’d toned it down just a smidge, since this is like … probably exactly what is going to happen with them for either their first kiss or their version of O Helga Natt (or both), but I still appreciate the effort a lot and am eager to see it in action. This is what I wanted from S3 remakes, for each of them to develop their own symbolism that fits their characters, because Isak and Even’s symbolism is so specific to them, their names and their story, that you inherently lose something when you transplant it to other versions of them. The concept of rebirth is really beautiful in a gay love story about coming out and being born as one’s authentic self; I think the idea of light and darkness being used in a similar way - especially in terms of a coming out narrative, being in darkness, coming into the light - could also be beautiful, and of course there are the ideas of having to be brave in order to live with each other, very relevant for an m/m couple in a homophobic society and for someone like Eliott who would be afraid to get close to someone due to his mental illness. It also works in the sense that neither of the characters in the film see each other until they get over their fears - both Lucas and Eliott have baggage and neither will really “see” or understand each other truly until they confront their respective issues.

Right now it seems like Eliott would be the one in the tunnel and Lucas is the one who’s afraid of the dark, and Lucas is going to have to leave his world to be with Eliott. Because well, this is supposed to be Lucas’ story, and the name “Lucas” is associated with light, or meaning “light-giver” or something similar. We know that one episode is called “the boy who was afraid of the dark” and that’s probably referring to Lucas since it’s his POV. At this point in the story, too, we aren’t supposed to know that Eliott is mentally ill, we don’t know he’s struggling, so we might also think that it’ll all be on Lucas to change in order for them to be together. But I think it’s also plausible that maybe they’ll switch roles over the course of the season, they both take turns in the light and in the dark. Maybe Lucas steps into the dark for the first kiss, conquering what he’s afraid of, then he steps into the light for the O Helga Natt equivalent. Or Lucas steps into the dark for the kiss, Eliott must step into the light for O Helga Natt. There are many ways it could go. But this is also what I like about them changing the symbolism, it leads to this kind of speculation. 

I’d like to see Lucas and Eliott being a little more strongly contrasted, too, sort of like they’re ... polar opposites, eh? OK, not that corny and not that they need to be so different that they can’t get along. I just think it’d be interesting with the light and dark metaphor to have them be clearly different in some ways, personality-wise, arc-wise. I want to see their separate worlds highlighted at some point.

Also want to mention that you could perhaps apply this imagery to certain scenes already, like in the first clip of the season you had Lucas in the daytime, light reflecting off the water and through the trees, but he’s not really comfortable there, he’s alone and detached. Later that night, Lucas making out with Chloé in the hallway sort of put him in shadow (or that might be Skam France’s lighting in general, IDK). Might be a reach but it’d be interesting if those choices stacked up throughout the season and reflected the larger metaphor, when we see who’s playing what role.

Polaris itself is “the brightest star in the constellation of Ursa Minor” so that’s another nice allusion to light in itself.

Imane shows up and scares the bejesus out of Lucas. She was going to give him the weed, but he ruined it by being a weenie. However, he redeems himself by expressing interest in the common room project and saying he’ll be at the next meeting. I wonder what changed his mind? Daphne’s enthusiasm? No matter, Imane must see some progress in Lucas, like he needs a reward for good behavior, because she decides to give him back the weed.

He’s grateful, but the teacher sees their drug exchange and wants to know what’s going on. When she asks to see what’s under the table, Imane whips out some tampons and says Lucas brought them to her. LMAO, that’s pretty funny. 

She calls out the teacher for humiliating her in front of everyone, which is also funny, although I kind of feel bad for that teacher, lol. We haven’t seen her be a racist yet like Isak and Sana’s teacher, and I mean ... her students were passing drugs under the table, she wasn’t wrong about them being shady.

Arthur and Alexia laugh at them in the background. I want to know what’s going on over at that table! We can have two pairs of classroom buddies!

Lucas and Imane both laugh so that’s really the kickoff to their friendship. Tampons: saving the day, bringing people together. Tampax should make it into a commercial.

Clip 3 - Questionnaires

It’s the common room meeting, just the girl squad and Lucas, and they’re going over the questionnaires that people filled out. The consensus is that the common room sucks, and people make dirty comments when anonymous (literally the least surprising thing ever if you have ever seen a bathroom stall or any comments section on the Internet).

Daphne kicks out Emma when she gets a phone call and Lucas laughs along with the others. He seems way happier and more comfortable with the girl squad than with anyone else so far, and I think a lot of that is because there isn’t the pressure to maintain a typical hetero fuckboy persona with them as with the boy squad. They’re just girls engaging on a dorky project, so he can just relax.

Alex reads another questionnaire and the answers are all about Daphne. Lucas confirms that the phone number on the page is Basile’s. Daphne looks done with it, she’s caught him staring and drooling, she doesn’t get why he’s into her all of a sudden. Man, I’m already sick of Basile, he’s like Magnus from hell. Especially because Daphne is so not into it, and the fact that she’s noticed him salivating him over her makes it worse. I think it’s for comic relief but it quickly went to creepy territory, and I hate that they’ll likely hook up at some point. Please please don’t go there.

A lot of the questionnaires mention they dislike the mural, so I bet they’ll paint another one at some point, and I bet Eliott will have an idea that they use, being the artsy guy he is. Also, everyone wants them to throw a party so I’m sure that’ll be the setup for either the neon party or the Christmas party (whatever takes the place of those scenes).

Lucas reads another questionnaire that requests a vending machine (reasonable) and a nudist day once a month (not so reasonable) and I was gonna say it was Eliott’s form, because of the vending machine connection and probably some painful foreshadowing toward the hotel naked incident, but actually it’s Alexia’s form, LMAO. She wants the eye candy of naked guys and girls. A nice way to integrate her bisexuality since she’s into naked guys and girls. 

I notice that Alexia has a little rainbow patch on her jeans, so I’m hoping that they’ve taken feedback from earlier seasons and will more directly address her sexuality. I know her ex Clara has been listed in the credits, so that’s very promising. I hope they keep it up and maybe Lucas can connect with her over being LGBT, well, G and B, respectively.

Emma comes back and complains that Alex thinks she’s been telling people they’ve been going out when they’re just hooking up, but Lucas does not care (even though he is responsible for giving Alex that impression) because Eliott walks by the window. Lucas hauls ass out of there and goes out to find him - give him some credit, Lucas is being pretty upfront about approaching Eliott, or going after what he wants so far. What is that gonna end up meaning to his overall character arc? I’m fine with that approach to Lucas’ character, I’m just curious how it will affect his overall characterization from beginning to end. Because Isak wasn’t a total wallflower, he did pursue Even in his own way, but I felt like because he also could be reserved and shy about Even, it was narratively significant when he took certain steps for clear reasons to his personal growth. (I think Lucas and Isak are maybe not all that different about their approaches so far, just slight ways that make it seem Lucas is bolder - like going up to Eliott at the vending machine himself, grabbing the register instead of walking by a list, running after Eliott instead of standing still and locking eyes with him).

Before Lucas can go stalking, he runs into the boy squad. Yann is like, were you in the common room? Spending a lot of time with the girls, eh? Like is he just being a dick about that, because Lucas is choosing the girls over the boy squad, or does he think Lucas wants to hook up with one of those girls? Or is this more about the common room project seeming stupid to him?

Of course Basile has to ask about whether Daphne is thinking about him, GOD please shut him up. Arthur tells him Daphne doesn’t care about him. The hero we need. 

Lucas looks around the courtyard but no Eliott in sight. ur boys cockblocked u, bro

Chloé and Maria come up and invite the boys to their party on Friday. Maria’s fucking cute when she’s not puking, she does a little dance with the invitation. Lucas tries to say they have plans but Arthur’s like, no we don’t! We’re coming! No, Arthur, don’t say that, you know Basile is going to be a creep about it.

The squad gangs up on Lucas for saying no, because you’re always supposed to say yes to partying with girls, and it’s played for laughs with their reactions and stuff but really it is shitty how these guys don’t want to listen to their friend. I mean, let’s say situations were reversed and Lucas was a girl who said “this guy is stalking me.” We’d all be like, get away from that dude, you don’t have to spend time with him, right? Or we’d hope that girl’s friends would say so.

Lucas says Chloé has been clinging to him and it’s stressing him out, and Arthur’s like, I don’t get you, she’s into you, but you’re stressing out? Lucas is clearly stressed by this conversation and that he can’t tell the boys what’s up. All that pressure to like girls is draining him.

I think it is important to keep in mind that Isak also felt isolated from the boy squad at this point in the story, for similar reasons: he had a big secret that he couldn’t tell them, and he felt like he had to like girls to fit in with them, and they put pressure on him to hook up with girls, talk about girls, go to parties with girls. What I think is the big difference, and why it feels perhaps more noticeable with Lucas, is that Isak didn’t have the interaction with the girl squad other than Sana blackmailing him and Vilde annoying him, so we didn’t see him have this friendly outlet where he’s relaxed. In fact, the first time in his season we see him really start to relax and be himself is with Even. I think that contrast was valuable toward establishing Isak’s connection with Even, showing Even as someone who brings Isak out of his shell. But with Lucas, first he is able to laugh together with Imane - Isak and Sana had a moment but they weren’t like giggling together after Isak told off the racist teacher - and second he seems to be having a good time at the common room meeting. Then he goes to the boy squad and it immediately becomes tense. However, I don’t have a huge problem with Lucas laughing a bit with the girl squad here. It makes him seem somewhat less socially isolated, since he seems relaxed with them (even if this isn’t the deepest or most intimate interaction), but it still provides contrast to his interaction with his male friends. It would be nice if the story highlighted this a little more later on, as to why Lucas might feel more comfortable with the girl squad and not the boys when he’s closeted. 

Clip 4 - Polaris

At home, Lucas watches the animated storyboard for Eliott’s Polaris video. A guy and another person of ambiguous gender meet just outside the tunnel in the rain and finally kiss.

I like that Lucas got to watch the project itself (or a storyboard of it) and be invested in it. That’s something I loved about Isak watching Even’s video and then watching R+J - he got to fall for Even watching him be funny and strange talking about his Cap/Putin video, and then he got to watch a movie that Even loved and that awakened these very emotional parts of himself. He got to see a great love in action and wish for that for himself, he got a glimpse of Even’s soul from the art Even loves. Lucas does something similar here in that he gets a glimpse of Eliott’s creative mind, something very personal, and fall for him further, and Eliott’s video is also about great love that Lucas feels that he wants in his own life, it chips away at that facade he’s put up, the lie he’s living. Good adaptation.

The only thing is I suspect that their first kiss or O Helga Natt is probably going to go heavily like that storyboard, if not exactly, which will likely be beautiful, but again, slightly on the nose for me. To be fair, obviously Isak and Even’s first kiss imitated Romeo + Juliet closely; I guess this being Eliott’s own creation/vision vs Even’s fanboying a film by his favorite director makes it a little more OTT, like if a scene from a novel I’d written came into my life, I’d feel weird and self-conscious about it. But that’s just me! I can also see why it’d matter to Eliott, to take this longing and make it a reality. But I think I’d rather just see him make his actual film, accomplish his passion project, than to recreate it in his own life. Maybe because, filming a beautiful love story and falling in love in real life fulfill two different parts of one’s self -  one’s artistic creations are not substitutes for one’s social connections and vice versa - and Eliott’s unfunded film is a thing on its own that’s very poignant and begs to be carried to completion. Does that make sense? IDK, I’d like those big scenes to have similar themes and imagery but not like his storyboard come exactly to life. We’ll see how it goes.

I think it’s a little murky why Lucas searches for the “gay chat” - like is he trying to find Eliott there, or is he looking for any type of connection? Think it’s the former since that was shown more explicitly with Isak, but I guess you can say he’s just testing the gay waters.

The gay app that Lucas downloads features the picture of Skam France director David Hourrègue, much like Skam Italia had their male director in the gay app. (The directors look a tad similar, or is that just me?)

Lucas looks through pictures mainly of disembodied abs and bulges, until he stumbles upon Mika’s picture, and HA, that’s a REALLY good gag, hats off to Skam France. I remember being annoyed because they recreated the Jonas cunnilingus walk of fame in their season 2, except with none of the build-up that made the Jonas scene funny and emotionally resonant (with Eva’s reaction), so it lacked the impact and was just kinda there. This actually had some setup, good job.

Clip 5 - Two bros chillin’ at a bus stop

The boys are getting ready to go to Chloé’s party later and Basile starts talking about how he’ll get with Maria and I’m already so over this, please God let them talk about anything else. I get that this girl talk is establishing the overwhelming heteronormativity and pressure to pursue girls among these teenage boys, but like, let’s hear from Arthur about his hookup techniques, or if there’s a girl Yann likes, anything but Basile being a creep yet again.

He talks about calling himself “Daddy” to Maria as if I wasn’t already thoroughly horrified out by him. FUCK no. 

And the guys are like, I thought you were all up in Daphne’s business? Basile basically doesn’t care, one girl or the other will do, ughhhh GODDDDD.

They tell Lucas that he’s paying for the beer because they’ve taken their turns paying. Lucas waits at the bus stop, texts his dad for rent and grocery money, then texts Mika for money (presumably to buy the beer). MEANWHILE, a figure in a familiar brown coat sits down. I can’t quite tell from the angle, is he sitting in the next seat or is there still one between them? You’d think Eliott would learn from the past not to leave space for any Chloés who might come along. (At the end of the clip I still couldn’t tell, lmao. Feel free to clarify if you have better spatial awareness than I do.)

It’s Lucas’ turn to get startled by a dude just staring at him intensely. They have some banter, Mika texts back that he’s working, Eliott notices something is up, Lucas explains that he has no money to buy beer for a party, so it’s Eliott’s suggestion to come back to his place and get the beer he has. Not Lucas asking him for help, like Isak did. Lucas has seemed somewhat more forthright in pursuing Eliott so this is a bit of a surprise, because a noticeable example of Isak asking Even for something was switched to Eliott offering. I guess you could say it’s Eliott’s development, if he’s the one in the dark and is holding himself back? We’ll see.

Clip 6 - Eliott confirmed weirdo

They go to Eliott’s place and Lucas checks out Eliott’s drawings. They’re cute. Dude really loves raccoons. They look at the drawings together and Eliott says they’re old and that he’s better at drawing himself now. Lucas is like … that’s you? LMAO, Eliott is so fucking weird, I kind of love him. He likes that raccoons have a mask. Well, we know Eliott has his own mask, so it’s fitting, I suppose.

Okay, French fans, I have to ask - what are the perceptions of raccoons in your culture? I found this article saying that the raccoon was introduced to France in 1966 and is considered a pest. They’re considered pests in North America, too, and spread disease, and sometimes they fall through ceilings, but like ... they’ve always been here, so there’s something about them that’s normalized, I guess? 

Lucas asks if Eliott had to draw him what would it be. Well, that’s fucking forward. Eliott studies him and says he doesn’t know. So Eliott basically can’t figure out Lucas yet. What are the odds his later notes to Lucas will include his and Lucas’ fursonas? I know all Isaks are snakes but Lucas reminds me of a woodpecker, personally.

Or maybe they will both be raccoons for the sole reason that I want to start calling Lucas Little King Trashmouth.

MISSED OPPORTUNITY for Lucas to say “draw me like one of your French girls” or something along those lines, though.

Clip 7 - What ... the fuck ...

Lucas and Eliott smoke and talk. While Eliott gets up to change the music, Lucas checks his phone and he’s got messages from Chloé waiting for him.

Lucas blames his absence on the other guys lacking motivation and THAT is the least believable excuse I have heard in my fucking life, come on, Lucas. As if those dudes aren’t panting after those girls. Did you even meet Basile? If you talk to him for ten seconds you’ll already know the names of five girls he wants to fuck.

And of course he types this as Yann is trying to get in touch with him about the party, very much motivated to go.

One of these days an Isak just needs to lie in a plausible way. “Sorry I’m sick, I think I have food poisoning, I’ve been shitting my guts out for the last hour.” If you overshare and make it disgusting, they’re not going to question you further AND Chloé will probably back off and stop chasing you. 

Lucas guesses that Eliott will be putting on some Chopin or Dad Jazz because the turntable makes him seem like a vintage collector but ACTUALLY Eliott is one weird motherfucker and I have to say, not even Even would pull this stunt this soon in their relationship, because what he puts on is dubstep and Eliott starts banging his head and jumping around in a completely unashamed way, and like, even Lucas in all his infatuation with this guy cannot help but stare at him like “what the fuck is going on.”

When Eliott asks about it Lucas responds, “....it’s cool!” in the same way I do when an older relative asks me what I think of The Big Bang Theory or the Minions.

Eliott asks Lucas about his tastes and Lucas is more into rock, like very famous bands, Nirvana, Rolling Stones, Beatles, The Clash. Eliott offers to put on Queen and luckily for the music licensing department Lucas is like, no, I like discovering new things. By which he means “I like discovering new boys.”

Eliott blows a perfect ring of smoke so we know he has more smoke skills than Lucas, going off Lucas’ messy shotgunning in episode 1, and then Lucas also starts to rock out to the music and I’m kinda feeling secondhand embarrassment but also, I guess this means they’re meant for each other?

Clip 8 - Piano man

They’re both sitting there stoned as fuck, Eliott doesn’t want to get up to change the record, so Lucas gets up and puts the record to the side. But instead of selecting a new one, he lifts the lid the piano and asks Eliott if he plays. Eliott says he can play the Star Wars theme - so he has Star Wars fanboying in common with Even, heh.

Lucas then sits down and starts to play perhaps too well for someone who’s probably pretty stoned by now (but I’ve never tried so who knows) and Eliott sits up. We get him smiling at Lucas, eyes shining. At one point Lucas looks behind him and seems to get encouraged by Eliott’s enchanted reaction.

Mmmm ... unpopular opinion, but while this is a really lovely scene, I kiiiinda wish they’d taken it down a notch or put the focus more on Lucas? Because there’s like ... not really any ambiguity about what Eliott feels after this, with his enamored stare at Lucas, and I think in context of the larger story, it takes a little tension out. I think with Even, the attraction was conveyed more in small looks and glances, and while I definitely thought he was always into Isak, from Isak’s POV you could see how the arrival of Sonja threw that into doubt, there was room to question whether Even really had feelings for Isak. Whereas here it’s like ... girlfriend or not, Eliott is smitten with Lucas, I don’t really feel that the ending reveal carries as much weight. I guess I’d put more focus on Lucas’ expressions as he plays, showing him getting into it and letting himself put down his emotional walls and express himself, showing him more open here with Eliott than he’s been so far anywhere else - this is his POV season, after all - and cut back on Eliott’s reactions to preserve a little mystery.

What I think is good about this moment is that Eliott got to share a part of himself, with his drawings (and his questionable taste in music), and unbeknownst to him his Polaris project, and now Lucas gets to share a part of himself with his piano playing, and so they’ve both let each other in to their artistic sides, perhaps establishing them both as creative types. It’s cool that we both see their respective interests. They might even complement each other’s, like Lucas’ music might end up serving Eliott’s vision for his film or something. And this was obviously a turning point for Eliott, he may have noticed Lucas on the first point of school but this is what took his interest in Lucas to another level as he saw Lucas just unleash this piano piece, catching him off guard with something beautiful. 

When Lucas is done, Eliott says it was impressive, and that Lucas is surprising, and he likes surprising people. Well they’re just being blatant as fuck, aren’t they.

Unfortunately, the night must end as Eliott has people to meet and Lucas has a party to endure. Eliott walks Lucas out and says it was great, they need to hang out again, Lucas agrees. I like this moment a lot because it is somewhat more ambiguous - like on the surface this could be a platonic conversation, just wanting to hang out as friends, but there’s just a little too much intensity, a bit too much of a pause in the delivery, to think this exchange is so casual. 

Just as Lucas is going Eliott adjusts his hair? I don’t even know what he was doing because I do not notice a single change in Lucas’ hairdo but Eliott sure did it as a memorable parting gesture. Lucas is internally screaming, probably.

Lucas goes out the door and outside he checks his phone, of course Chloé is pissed, Yann asks why Lucas is lying, Chloé has been posting “men are trash” messages on IG. I repeat: just tell them that you have unstoppable explosive diarrhea and people won’t be so quick to judge. 

Behind him, Eliott leaves his place and Lucas sees him greet a girl with a kiss. OK now that is actually a pretty big change because Eliott does not know that Lucas saw him with a girlfriend and like, I always thought Even was overcompensating with Sonja when he started to compliment her and make out with her, but Eliott was just casually greeting his girlfriend with a kiss, without knowing Lucas was there. He’s not going to know Lucas knows about his girlfriend the next time they meet. If Lucas is irritated with him, he’s going to be like WTF.

There’s piano music at the end, and with its inclusion in the clip itself, I’m thinking they’re going to use a lot of piano on the soundtrack this season. They already did it in episode one.

Social Media/General Comments

Lucas apparently ran away from Chloé at the bus stop, heh. She texted him to “subtly” see if he wanted to hang out and insinuated that she wanted to swing by Lucas’ flat some time. Or not subtly. Nothing about her is subtle. She’s wearing a sign that says BANG ME LUCAS.

Lol, as I mentioned above, Emma was hanging out with Raptor Alex and posting pics and stories on IG, I don’t know why they’re surprised people might think they’re an item after they also just hooked up at a party. Like not necessarily together-4ever but it’s not an unreasonable assumption they have a ~thing.

Lucas and Imane laugh over the tampon thing via text later, it’s a sweet moment. I wonder how they’re going to play the religion discussions since the two are already warming up to each other, Lucas being like, “Why are you religious?” in a confrontational way would kill the vibe.

Manon was supposed to see The Book of Mormon with Charles, then later she posted “Night in after all.” Dramaaaaa. Manon, fuck Charles and go by yourself. If some dude bailed on me that night I’d be like, whatever asshole, we paid to see these singing Mormons and I am going to goddamn see some singing Mormons. (Also, lmao at her dramatically posting that publicly, talk about a passive-aggressive swipe at Charles.)

Let’s talk about Basile, goddamn Basile, because he is by far my biggest issue with the season so far. Everything else is pretty solid, any other quibbles I have pale to my rapidly developing kneejerk GTFO when he appears on screen.

Some of the issue is that this dude is so one-note and in a really intense way, like you know when you’re a toddler and your parent hands you a pot to bang on and you hit it with a wooden spoon over and over? That’s Basile. There’s also just the element of overexposure. He tends to take over the boy squad scenes just because he wants to get laid. It feels like we’ve already had as much of Basile thirsting after Daphne and Maria in two episodes as we did Magnus crushing on Vilde spread over the whole season. 

You might say Magnus was similarly desperate to hook up with a girl, and that’s true of course. And look, Magnus isn’t perfect and he said some dumbass shit during the season, but at the same time, there was a kind of weird innocence to him? Even when Vilde is complaining about the first year girls taking the older guys, and he says he’s available to fuck if she wants, it’s an outrageous statement but the way it’s played has a bizarre purity to it, like hey, this girl thinks there won’t be anyone for her to fuck, I should offer! With Basile there’s more sleaziness to his behavior, like dude has been on Reddit too long and has read too many forums about embittered men seeking to get laid.

I think some of it also is that a lot of Magnus was not actively and aggressively pursuing specific girls and bothering them for the most part - after that first offer to fuck Vilde, we don’t see him nagging her or crossing her boundaries, from what I recall? The flirtation gets mutual. He mentions stuff like the Vilde sex dream to the guys but it’s not like he’s telling that to her. With Basile he’s directly going after Daphne in a very persistent way.

One way they could redeem Basile is have his behavior act as a criticism of toxic straight boy bullshit, to go along with the heteronormative pressure. We still have a bunch of episodes to go so perhaps Basile will have character growth.

One thing I didn’t care for was them breaking up the Friday clip into multiple parts and airing them one after the other. I suspected that it was due to time restrictions and I was right, according to the screenwriter on IG. It’s too bad because I think it interrupts the flow of the story. With Skam, we got to see Isak himself change over the course of the afternoon - he went from shy and reserved to opening up and being able to laugh and joke around with Even, and the fact that it’s all one clip makes it more noticeable. The length makes it feel like the lazy afternoon Isak and Even spent getting to know each other. Not Skam France’s fault they had to break it up, just a shame because it felt choppier - watching it clip by clip meant I kept going back to what I was doing in real life and losing the mood instead of sinking into it. But I appreciate what they were trying to do when they couldn’t have a long scene and I think the ways they cut the scene were probably the best places to end/start the clips, tone-wise.

On that note, I’m trying to avoid the BTS commentary but I ended up reading it when I saw the reaction to the Skam France writer’s thoughts on Isak. I get what the guy was going for, Isak was more reserved and shy than Lucas is and Even was doing a lot of the initiating, although yeah, I think his description was worded in an oversimplified way - I don’t think Isak was entirely naive and innocent, more like inexperienced (which is a different thing) and he was certainly the hero of his own story, he was brave. Just because he wasn’t as outgoing doesn’t mean he wasn’t taking control of his own story - I’d say that’s part of what makes his character development so powerful, that because he is more repressed, his choices to kiss Even, to come out to his friends, to learn to be himself, have even more impact. But I don’t think Niels meant to bash Isak or anything, and it’s very clear from his notes that he loves and respects the original season. I think his main point was just like “Lucas is more upfront in his actions,” lol.

Though on a related note, the experience of watching the remakes has made me think that a lot of people don’t get who Isak is as a character, and especially have some extremely bad faith and unsympathetic readings of him. But that’s a rant for another time. 

Tbh I think the behind-the-scenes notes about production stuff like “Axel wasn’t a trained pianist but he practiced hard for this scene” is fine and fun, it’s more the stuff that’s like “Here’s the interpretation of the scene itself” that I wish would wait until the season ends. But lmao, I’m just gonna try to avoid that stuff again.

I actually did like this episode. I’m not sure Skam France is ever going to be my favorite remake, because there’s something about the way it’s filmed that feels more slick and well, TV-like than is my preference, but I can definitely see that they’ve upgraded from last season, and that they’re trying hard to give this story its own spin. The Polaris symbolism is the biggest sign of that so far.

If there’s something I do wish we could get more of with Skam France, it’s subtlety? As a show it often feels more dramatic and this episode leaned heavier on the blatant romance, which might be a cultural thing, and I can absolutely get why people are more drawn to that. There’s plenty of TV shows and movies that I like that are not subtle in the slightest. I guess I’ve just been thinking that I wish the remakes would not be afraid to rely more on subtext for parts of this season, especially building up this relationship. Like there’s nothing blatantly “romantic” about the Evak version of this clip - everything is heavily show don’t tell, and we have to read into the littlest moments, the shared glances. How Even smiles to himself for just a brief moment after Isak compliments his drawings, or how Isak gets flustered after Even teases him for not knowing who Nas is (because he wants Even to think he’s cool) and how Even says that they’ll listen to Nas later - the implication that Isak is going to stay a while and Even will share this with him. “We can’t go back now” is in relationship to the cheese toasties, except you know, it’s not really about the cheese toasties. With Lucas and Eliott, it’s really easy to pick out that Eliott is flirting when he’s flat-out telling Lucas how special he is and how he’s intrigued by him, and sure, that’s where they’re going with Eliott’s character and making him more direct but it’s also related to the overall method and effectiveness of the storytelling. (I mean ... having Eliott be like “You are this-and-that, Lucas” is the definition of telling, not showing, lol.) And I completely get why that works for a lot of people, it doesn’t NOT work for me, but the understated stuff is what makes me watch clips a dozen times to pick up on it all, the subtext is what gets under my skin. My favorite moment was their goodbye at the door because it was a typical friendly exchange on the surface but with more going unspoken, and I felt that on the screen. So not to whine, because I did legitimately enjoy the Lucas/Eliott interaction, those are just my preferences. (The show is not made for me personally etc etc., cultural differences etc etc. I’m aware.)

I am finally warming up to Lucas, after two seasons. I really don’t think that I didn’t care for him before just because his character was closed off and snaky, because I’ve liked every other Isak in the first season of their show even though they’ve also kept secrets and done shady shit. I think they’ve just found a way to portray his character more effectively after having to copy + paste S1 and S2. They can make the character feel more organic. Also, not gonna lie, it felt like they cut back on the serial killer looks (partially because Lucas has more smiley and relaxed moments) so A+ work, Axel.

Also, knowing that they had to redo the first two seasons so closely doesn’t really change my opinion of the quality of the first two seasons, but it does make me more sympathetic toward the cast and crew for having to color inside the lines, so to speak. 

Eliott is a fucking weird ass human being and I’m really feeling his character. They made his absurdly good looks more approachable by turning him into a dubstep-stanning furry, and I am here for whatever shit they tell us about him next. 

I also think think the use of music was much better than in previous seasons. There were some very deliberate choices in this episode, obviously, but it felt like they’re learning to use silence more effectively and not shoehorning the soundtrack as much.

Feel free to chime in or correct me about French culture/translation/other issues.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

[ravenousnightwind]

My Story: Mental Illness (mondo long)

I’m going to share some things with you all that some of you may be aware of already. I’ve talked about it before, but I don’t know. I need some form of release. It’s really personal and probably going to be super long. So click below if you want to read it all. A lot of this doesn’t have much to do with paganism, but..it is part of the reason behind why I became a pagan. The sheer amount of self acceptance and reliance, along with other various things within norse paganism especially, has allowed me to be a better person. Just be aware that what you are about to read may be traumatic for some. This is my story, my thoughts, and opinions about mental health. In no way should it reflect everyone as this is simply my way of dealing with it.

I suffer from mental illness, social and general anxiety, and depression. From a very young age I was asked why I had problems with school, or why I didn’t want to play with other kids. Sometimes people tried to force me to do it. In fourth grade, my teacher hated me because I lied about things and stole some stuff. (I don’t feel good about that time.) It was when a lot of my troubles started, because I was literally carried to school by my parents and the principle. After asking me why I didn’t want to go to school, and me telling them I didn’t know, but feeling sad, they grabbed me, forced me to go. I sat on the bench that day. But for the rest of that whole year, the teacher treated me like shit and even threatened my mom for harassment when she called her at home just to tell her I took stuff. I was sent to therapy around this time to figure out why I felt the way I felt. They couldn’t figure it out, and my parents got frustrated with the faculty and the counselor I was seeing, so I didn’t go back. A lot of the emotions I felt went dormant for a while. The sheer amount of pain and fear I felt during that time...I can’t describe it.

Fast-forward it’s eighth grade one of the teachers I had literally put their hands on me and attempted to force me to play with other kids, in public, at a park. At one point, they even sent the other kids out of the room to deal with me and try to force me to get up from a desk, simply because I had my head down when I was supposed to be working (Even though I didn’t have any work to do.) I got so angry that I threw the desk at her, because she kept hitting me on the arm and poking and prodding me. Asking me WHY and screaming in my ear. I got sent home that day for the desk and she made up some stuff in the referral. The next few years again, it seemed like I didn’t have emotions and they got worse but also disappeared to some degree.

Fast-forward, it’s ninth or tenth grade. I was asked if I would hurt anyone in the school, because for some reason, the teachers were freaked out about me. They said, according to my mom “idk he just had a glaze over his eyes”. I told them that I would try to defend myself against anyone who tried to hurt me. So they left, then the principle came. He took me to his office and I sat there, then other people came, I went to the deans office. There was a security guard or some kind of cop there, he worked at the school. They all told me I had to get in the ambulance or they’d take me to the hospital in handcuffs. That’s when I was sent to the mental ward in the hospital for a while. My parents could of got me out of it, but they thought it was good for me. But none of the kids I met there seemed crazy or unusual. If anything, they seemed like normal people. Or normal in my perspective. Some of them were weird, but all and all it wasn’t an unpleasant experience, though I still wanted to go home.

For years I blamed them for a good part of my suffering. But it wasn’t like I didn’t have blame myself. I said things that prompted them to take action against me. Like seeing things, because I was into magic and the occult at this time in my life. They were thinking that I literally saw dragons flying around. I quickly learned that saying things like that would cause people to think that you were crazy and in need of psychological help. After a lot of that, I was in therapy for years. I was drugged with pills, anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, etc. Because they thought I was a danger to myself and others. Eventually my mom grew concerned because my mood really changed after that and I got really fat. She knew It was making me unhappy and took me off of them. Though the effects of what the drugs did to me still remain. The often unfeeling of anything. In fact, it is through this method of treatment that I felt suicidal. It’s still the very reason why I won’t take pills regarding anti-depressants or anxiety. It literally blocks my ability to feel and takes away joy, happiness, and sadness all at once. I didn’t want to live a life feeling nothing, it felt meaningless.

One day I was so upset, that I went to the counselors office hoping I could have a moment of reprieve. I was literally about to burst in tears for reasons I still don’t know. When I told them I didn’t know why I was upset, they said I had to leave and they couldn’t help me. That sent me over the edge, and I started crying more and the threatened to tell the dean. Well he came down there and at this point I was crying so hard that I couldn’t even see. He yelled and screamed at me telling me it was bullshit, then grabbed ahold of me. This sent me into a protective state of mind. He tried to put me in a headlock when I fought him. All he could do was slide me across the floor by pushing my palms against his because he couldn’t get me down. I was sent home that day too, with threats about going back to the psch-ward.

In my JR year of high school, I dropped out because there was this guy I shared lunch with. I bought lunch for him because I liked him, and well, it didn’t go well when he found out why I was doing it. He called me faggot in front of the entire cafeteria and told me: “get your gay ass up from this table!” I refused, and him and his friends got up. I stood up to a bully, for the first time in my life, even though I was afraid. Then it happened again in gym class, but this time I ignored his homophobic slurs of how I didn’t deserve to live and how no one wanted me around. I got angry, clinched my fist, and walked away. I wasn’t going to fall into that drama or make him see that I what he was saying was affecting me.

When Christmas break came, I had a debate with myself, if I was really going back to school or not. I decided it was my life, no one was going to control it for me or make my choices. My parents demanded that I go back, then I told them why it was never going to happen, and that there was nothing they could do to convince me otherwise. I resisted every attempt they put at me. They didn’t want to see me suffer in the end, so they said that if I didn’t go back, I had to continue my schooling through a home-school program.

So, we went back to the school and discussed it. Then, the counselor said the most...demeaning thing a person like that could say. “You won’t be able to do homeschooling, that’s to hard for you, then you’ll have to come back here and it will be all for nothing.” I had been in special education for the majority of my life you see, and working at a “normal” pace wasn’t possible. I learned at a very slow pace. But I did the work anyway, with difficulty. However, depression and other such things began to set in again. My grandma was a great help to me, actually kind of doing the work for me. She felt bad..because she saw the pain I was in and wanted to make sure that I was able to get my diploma. I did, but if I’m being honest, I was way more concerned with how I was feeling than a piece of paper.

My life after that point took a turn. I spent the majority of my time in my room, alone, wishing I had someone to share my pain with. I had no friends for most of my life. I never went anywhere or did anything. In a town of nothing like Decatur Illinois, there’s not much to do if anything. Most people you encounter do drugs or other stupid shit. It wasn’t worth getting in trouble with the law just to have friends, because that’s what most other kids did at my age. Most of my life and interactions with people were spent online. It wasn’t enough however, to keep the depression at bay.

I wanted to rid myself of this curse, this sadness. I couldn’t work out why I was so upset. I didn’t see reason, I didn’t understand it. From that young age, even as young as kindergarten I remember I just did not feel well. At every turn in my life, people hurt me, or said I just had to be a man, or suck it up, blow it off. Just ignore the pain! I couldn’t just ignore it, it was there, either consciously or unconsciously, and I was about to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

I started trying to figure out how to perform magic on myself, so that I would never have to feel sad again. People said just think good thoughts, I tried, I tried everything. People said happiness was a state of mind and all you had to do was think positive. None of it worked! I figured if people had this weird happiness then I had to have it too! So I used magic and the occult to push my feelings back. I literally removed them, without pills and medical treatment. I became nothing. Just like before, I became nothing and I did it to myself this time. I locked it all away in a bottle, or inside of myself in my mental chambers.

It was there that it developed its own personality and its own way of working through my problems. Often appearing in dreams or visions as a blue furred half transformed werewolf. I struggled with this for years and years, and even today, it’s hard not to struggle with it. Because the ill effects that it had upon me made me stop feeling feelings consciously. Instead, I would feel nothing, but I knew I was sad. I didn’t cry anymore but I was still traumatized by everything that happened to me. When sadness did come into my conscious mind, I couldn’t deal with it. I’d sit or lay there crying for hours or wishing I knew the reason for my pain, wishing I could get rid of it. All of this formed a sense of self hatred inside of me that is most likely still there. 

Then one day, when I was reading and contemplating myself. I “heard a voice”, but inside my head, not through physical hearing. It told me “if you feel it, it will go away.” So I did, I tried to feel what I felt, I tried to face it. I tried for years...to release the wolf I had caged inside me. From ages 19 through 29 I struggled with this. Having phases on and off with it, only to discover I was still doing the things from before. Or thinking that I had reached the top and overcame the depression. I didn’t. It was still there and I didn’t know why! 

A few years ago, I finally figured it out. In the beginning, I had this. That was always there. I was predisposed to these problems in the beginning and I was punished for it. People didn’t know how to handle me, I didn’t even know how to handle myself! So they tried, and I tried...to get rid of it. But you can’t get rid of what is already part of you. That sadness, it is part of who I am, even if I don’t want it to be. I didn’t have depression because of some kind of event. I had it because I was born with it! These other events just made it become inflamed and worse than what it was. Part of it is my fault, but part of it is also people just being shitty towards me. I know there was wrongs I had done, people I affected... I’m sorry! I’m sorry and I wish I could change it all now! But I can’t..I have to move forward and make better choices. 

Except the way that things were, it didn’t change. I am much better at recognizing when I’m having a problem, but it all has affected me in a very extreme way now. I have severe social and general anxiety. I have depression, and there are days I can’t even get up or do normal chores. Everything is hard and there’s not very many enjoyable things. I can’t even play video games or read sometimes. That’s just how intense the emotion is. Take pills, that’s a no go because I don’t want to feel nothing. 

So what do I do? How do I cope with it? I go in phases. Some days I listen to music to calm me, some days I play games, some days I read. Ultimately though, I deal with what I’m feeling no matter what. I don’t try to ignore it, I just use these things as tools to help me cope. Because while I’m reading or playing a game, I am also thinking about why I feel the way I feel. There are days however, where I can’t do anything at all. All I can do is sit there. Don’t even get me started on the abandonment issues I have because of all of this. 

So then...what is the point of telling you all this? My point is, you can’t run away from yourself. As much as people love to say “it does get better” I’m sorry, but in my experience, it only gets better for a little while. It isn’t totally bad and horrible, but it doesn’t allow me to live a normal life sort to speak. I don’t go to work, I don’t hang out with people, because every time I am in a large crowd, I get really anxious, so it’s hard for me to walk out on the street or hang with some friends. Because anything in over exposure I have to deal with after I’m alone, by myself. You know after I hangout with people, I have to come home and be anxious for hours or days? I can’t deal with anything else in that time. 

So what’s the point in living then? People have hope it will be better one day, how the fuck can I deal with going through phases of happiness and then sadness all the time? I have thanks I can feel anything at all. When I was on meds, or when I did magic on myself, I wished every day, just feel something, just feel sad, just feel happy. Because I was on the verge of killing myself, coming up with a plan. I wanted to die...and that was a horrible feeling. Especially when my parents found out I was planning to do something. 

I give thanks I can experience this world and enjoy it, I give thanks that I can feel anything at all, because for so long....I couldn’t feel anything.. Feeling sad, depressed, or happy, is so good. I have a reason to live because I can feel, I can want things and desire things when I feel things. I can yearn for things! You don’t have any of that when you’re apathetic. So how do I deal with this emotion when it consumes me? I take it one day at a time, and each time I feel sad, I ask myself why I feel sad. Especially after my dad dying, I took a turn for the worse. I had to go through shit and relearn it to get back to where I was. After three years and now being 32, I finally feel like I have some form of control over myself again.

So, my advice to you and everyone dealing with mental illness is simply this:

Feel, and deal with your shit. Try to work out why you feel the way you do. If you can’t handle it, find someone you trust and talk to them about it if you can. Talk to me if you can’t find anyone. Do something productive or try to, when you feel down or upset. Ultimately though, try to deal with it in your own way. Just make sure you don’t totally ignore those feelings. In my experience, by doing that, I suffered a lot more by ignoring it than I did by feeling it. I also learned to understand why I felt the way I did and how everything contributes to those feelings. 

I got lucky, because I found really nice and understanding people to talk to..and when you don’t have a support system, you can really want to hurt yourself or feel like life is meaningless even when you do feel shit. Try to find your own meaning in life, enjoy what you have first before wanting more. Try to appreciate this world and ask yourself if what you want is truly realistic or not. B

What ever happens, know you are not alone. We may all have different situations and ways of dealing with things, but know that there are others just like you who feel anxious or sad. This pain you feel is not just you, even if you feel like it’s going on forever. Know, someone else is suffering with you, me, and many others. Be Proud of Who You Are. No matter if you’re LGBT+ or not! Be who you are, not who others want you to be! Forge your own path in life! Love Yourself!

[caps-clever-girl]

thoughts on endgame.

fair warning, i am not going to be kind. i enjoyed watching this movie, for the most part. it was funny; it had many good jokes and good, pure and well done interactions between multiple characters. but i didnt like it, and here are the reasons why.

unfortunately, this isnt a ‘nitpicky’ post. my main problems are with a lot of the bigger points points of the film, and had quite a few. this is a LONG post.

• “marvels first gay character!!!!!!!!!!!!” shut up. you joined the ‘fad’ late for brownie points and it was a cameo character who got about 3 lines. there are plenty of canon queer and gay characters who could have been introduced, either as cameos or in earlier films. dont even get me started on the fact that tony has more canon bi material than most others and marvel could have taken the time or even the slightest bit of effort to make this. while i enjoyed the jokes about steve being Incredibly Hot and his ass being Gods Gift To America (which honestly??? correct!) that could have been expanded on. several characters made comments about how nice steve’s ass is, and could have been used as actual material for a queer character, instead of sticking a random chharacter in there. i get the whole ‘gay people could be anyone! its normal!’ thing by giving the ‘role’ to a regular person, but you would also prove that by making any one of your 30+ main cast actually queer instead of making gay jokes and hints that could be retconned and explained away by humour.

• slapping someone out of a panic attack, and treating the panic attack like a joke. yeah, i get it, they didnt have a lot of time. still, come on. did iron man 3 teach you nothing? apparently not since tonys ptsd was pretty much never brought up again.

• speaking of thor. now, i am not an expert, but when a person gains weight, they do not keep their abs. certainly not after five entire years - not even asgardians. i also found it odd that thor became the way he did. i understand gaining weight and comfort eating after all the trauma thor went through losing his home and brother and people, i really do, but 1.) do it properly, at least, and 2.) thor is the leader of his people. does he want the task? not particularly. he hasnt wanted to be king since the first thor movie, but hes been forced into the role. even depressed i dont think thor would shy away from it, not completely. hes always wanted to do right by his people and i think that hed stuck to it, especially after The Snap backing him into a corner, if that makes sense. to clarify, i dont have a problem with chubby/fat thor. (IF done right instead of with weird, shitty cgi, that is.) i have a problem with the fact that thor, even though he doesnt want to be king, would abandon the last remanents displaced people to build a new home all on their own and become a hermit gamer boy. ESPECIALLY with valkyrie around. she’s been through a derpressive, alcohol fuelled time in her life and thor pulled her out of it. (mostly anyway, asgardians are party animals and im p sure she still gets trolleyed on the reg) i have bo doubt that after years of wallowing she would do her damned best to try and kick his ass out of it, even if it were just because his people need a leader, instead of letting him drop everything on her and just let him stew while new asgard gets on with it. i also didnt like the fact that all of thors emotional moments were treated as jokes and made to be funny when hes genuinely Fucked Up about eveything thats happening and made his image into a whiny crybaby.

• professor hulk. more of a personal one, this, simply because i just didnt like it. fair enough if y’all disagree on this one, im not going to fight it. i just never saw him wanting to combine himself with the hulk. ever. when he apleared on the screen i was completely blindsided, and his explanation, and the way he interacted with the kids????? i just want to know where all of this confidence suddenly came from. i use the term ‘suddenly’ loosely, since its been five years, but bruce has never been the guy to care about strength or looks or fame. hes always been shy and nerdy. not afraid to stand his ground or make his opinion known. hes bot a catchphrase, posing and flexing ‘hell yeah lets take a selfie’ guy. i get that thats maybe the result of the hulk and bruces combined personality but it just felt WEIRD to me, like, there wasnt a time in the film where i felt comfortable with the character. this was the final avengers film, with all of the original six avengers in it. but it didnt feel like that, it didnt feel like bruce or the hulk was in the film, even though there was a lot of funny and good moments with orofessor hulk, it felt like a stranger with some familiar characteristics. it ruined any feelings of nostalgia for me. i like bruce, and i like the hulk. i like the way their differences add to the story and the way they interact with eachother, and the slow change in their relationship. sorry if its petty but i prefer them seperate, theres just so much more to them for me.

• clint and natasha’s journey for the soul stone. both times, in infinity war and endgame, a male character and a female character went to get the soul stone. both times the male came back and the female died, and we lost possibly two most developed and main-line female characters in the entire mcu. now i understand the reasoning for both, and out of the characters that went there, i agree with the choice. thanos and gamora; it was thanos who was aware of the sacrifice and who chose to make it. gamora didnt get a choice and was unaware until it was too late. thanos was never going to die there. he knew there would be a sacrifice and chose to take gamora, because she would be the most likely sacrifice to actualky sucsesfully yield the soul stone because she was the most loved by him. i get it, but we lost gamora and i dont like it. clint and natasha; looking at it completely objectively, clint has a family, a wife and three children, that he wants to get back. natasha does not have any children, nor any (blood) family. if i had to choose, based on facts like that, id choose her too. but i still hate it, because there goes the only female member of the avengers. also, nebula (and i think maybe rocket?) KNEW that a sacrifice would be made and either accidentaly or deliverately left out the terms of aquiring the soul stone. it would have been easy to tell, if not easy to solve. but nothinb was said, and two best friends had to make a fucking awful and horrible choice when they might not have had to.

• on the ‘feminism’ tangent; the random congragation of women in the end scene??????? i dont????? okay so i am marking myself as a hypocrite here because i did love this scene!!! it made my lil gay heart go boom to see so many good and strong women all in one place - ESPECIALLY rescue - and it also made me realise how many women there actually are across the mcu??? which was really nice?? but it just felt... so forced? the way they ALL suddenly apleared and stood together even though they were all mixed in around the battlefield. it was a wonderful thought and i did enjoy it, but it seemed too Off and Odd to seem as much more than a bid for Feminism Brownie Points.

• captain marvel. i dont know about you, but i was actually looking forward to her being in the film. for a character so hyped to be the saviour of the avengers and the end of thanos, she was barely in the film. ‘i have other planets to save, the earth isnt the only one affected by thanos’ yeah but earth is the only plannet actively attacked by him. its where the people who are rallying to fight him and reverse what he did are. dont you want to stick around and help them? surely it would be a hell of a lot easier with your help, and faster too. yes, she blasted theough the ship at the end, but she did fuck all to help defeat thanos himself, and the help she did give with the ship came at the end. i genuinely think they kept her out of the movie because she was too powerful, and would have made fighting thanos etc too easy to get all the suffering and noble sacrifices in. if she had been a side character i dont think id be as mad, but she got a whole MOVIE in which she is clearly the start of the entire avengers initiative; she is their HISTORY!!!! she is so powerful!!!! and yet she has 5 mins of screen time!! it pisses me off that she was So Strongly implied to be the character the avengers NEEDED, the one that without whom it would be IMPOSSIBLE to defeat thanos; the woman that really tipped the scales in there favour, and yet she did fuck all. (and lets not even get started on the carol/rhodey and carol+tony bromance we COMPLETELY missed out on.)

• (speaking of bonding what the fuck happened to tony and nebula????? after they were rescued it was like they never met)

• the whole entire concept of time what the fuck!!! ‘dont change anything’ okay well for the most part you did okay, and the PLAN and CONCEPT was actually really easy to grasp, at least to me, which is hard when working with paradoxes and wibbley-wobbley timey-wimey stuff. but that went out the water when past!thanos and his army were brought into the future and disintergrated. does this mean they’re dead in the past - since they would have just. Left and not come back and therefore ceased to exist from that point???? or did tonys Snap simply send them back to their point in time, with no memory of what had occured? idk because it aint explained.

• speaking of; loki. again - his past changed; he managed to escape, with the tessarect. this is not explained nor expanded upon. assuming the events of thor 2 came about - which were impossible if he escaped - then his timeline would carry on as normal, and would PERHAPS explain the tessarects wacky timeline. (i dont know for certain, because i cant work it out anyway). but loki disspearing means he wouldnt have gone to trial on asgard, nor would he wouldnt have been in thor 2 - also by extention meaning that frigga is still alive. technically if he went back to get odin off the throne anyway, everything else after thor 2 involving loki/asgard would still come to pass. either way, we dont know. it was a nice way for endgame to give fans what we wanted; the posibility of loki coming back. but it doesnt make a lick of sense, and we have no idea if hes still alive/escaped or not, and why. personally i have no fucking idea and im pretty sure it was a cop out so they could give us what we wanted. which brings to my other point:

• giving the audience what we wanted. we got loki interaction. we got loki ‘escaping’ and ‘surviving’ (????) we FINALLY got rescue, who many fans have been asking for since i think iron man 2, and even more so since The Badass That Was Pepper Potts in im3. we got morgan stark and tony and pepper married, we got jokes about steves ass, and more jokes about male characters admiring how hot other male characters are. and, most importantly, we got tony having the nice relaxing life he wanted out in his cabin in the woods with his wife and kids (even if it was a horrific way of getting there). i dont quite know how to explain it, but to me it seemed like they were shoving as many ‘fan-requests’ into the film as possible - so that when they killed off 2 of the original 6, and removed another by ageing him out of use, they could lessen the backlash and justify the changes by going ‘but you got so mych that you wanted beforehand!!’. a tactic they drenhed us with because one of those 2 was a fan favourite that people were BEGGING not to be killed off because they felt that he hadnt recieved anywhere near the peace or happiness he deserved so far - and now never will. which brings me to:

• tony’s death.

there are two parts to this.

one, i was incredibly pissed off because strange’s Big Plan, the ONLY reason he saved tony in infinity war, was so tony could use the gauntlet and kill himself anyway later. anyone in that film could have used that gauntlet - and many wouldnt have suffered fatal injuries; captain marvel, steve, t’challa, peter quill to name a few possibilities - basically, anyone who is in anyway enhanced would have had a better chance of surviving and would have therefore been the better choice; aka, half the mcu. i think it was a proximity thing; tony was closest. he had the oppertunity and the others didnt. but tony didnt know about the option of using it until strange looked at him and gave him ‘the signal.’ the signal to sacrifice himself. and of course, this is tony stark. when is he ever going to refuse that.

but reason two, and this is the one that stings the most; tony started the mcu.

in my opinion, he is the character who has put the most in during the whole ten years. he, of ALL the characters, deserves his happy ending of marrying the love of his life and having a kid, without constantly fearing that hes foing to have them ripped away from him, that hes going to have to fight to the death to keep them safe.

one of my friends, when i complained about tony dying, said; “it was his time. plus, he had a legacy! with pepper and morgan, and the iron man name. how can you be upset?”

i can be upset because tony got the happiness he wanted after losing exactly 50% of what he held dearest. i can be upset because hawkeye got his family back, but tony only got five years with his wife and less with his kid, instead of getting the oppertunity to grow old with his wife and watch his kid go to collage like clint will. i can be upset because the character that has gone through the most trauma, both physically and mentally, who spent the last ten years trying to better the world and everything in it and protect it, who got the most shit for every decision he made and who ended EVERY SINGLE FILM with a broken limb or his face littered with bruises and cuts while every other film centric character ended the film usually scrape free, didnt get his happy fucking ending. sure, he has a legacy. but i dont give a shit, because that legacy - of iron man, of morgan and pepper and stark industries - would have been there whether tony was alive to see it flourish or not. but he wont be.

this goes beyond being a ‘tony stan’ or tony being my favourite character. out of every single character, from start to finish, anthony edward stark fucking deserved a happy ending and by god he deserved it the most. i will argue that until my end of days.

i watched tony stark on screen for ten years, and i watched him get progressively more scarred and fucked up. his parents. the ten rings. losing yinsen. obie. vanko and hammer. the palladium poisoning. new york; the nuke and the wormhole. the ptsd, the panic attacks. the iron legion and retirement attempt. killian and extremis and the end of that returement attempt. wanda’s vision. jarvis being destroyed. the accords and subsequent civil war. finding out about the winter soldier and his hand in his parents death. finding out that steve knew. siberia. struggling to balence iron man and the accords. losing peter. being stranded on titan, in space for weeks.

tony in that wheelchair, shaking and rail thin and unable to stand for more than a few moments will haunt me forever.

i watched him suffer for ten years - longer, even, in-universe - clawing for his quiet, happy ending while fighting for the happy ending he thought the rest of the world deserved, and instead of getting rewarded he just got beaten down and beaten down. after ten fucking hears of watching the backbone of the entire franchise get nothing but shit piled on him until he struggled to breathe for it, excuse me for thinking he woukd finally get the chance to crawl out from under it and be happy. no strungs attatched, no awful, sacrificial price to be payed, just for a man who had given so. fucking. much. to finally get something for once, and be allowed to keep it.

well i was wrong. and i feel so incredibly fucking stupid for even hoping otherwise.

and thats what i didnt like about avengers endgame.

[justanearth-boundmisfit]

I can't believe anyone treat metas seriously anymore. Apparently, Dean Cas exaggerated drama is for GA so they can see romantic subplot. What romantic subplot?! For god's sake, we have 2019, who still treats gay storyline like that? Like it's something to be ashamed of? If TPTB want Destiel to be canon, they would start treating it like any couple on tv, not tiptoeing around it, which they're not doing anyway cause there is nothing but bait there anymore. How blind can metas be to not see it?!

Well, there’s this group of people that wants to believe no matter what, and that have been fed this meta destiel endgame for more than three years now, I guess it’s hard to let go. Also admitting you were wrong, or that you were following a cult-like minded people can be a slap to the face, not many are going to do it. Some are really seeing these metas, for what they really are, bullies, that will attack anyone that doesn’t think like them, but many others are afraid to speak up.

Those of us who can speak or are willing to do it, have to keep going because it’s not right how this group is treating people. Besides, through the years, their metas have been proven wrong and wrong again and that’s why they are desperately lashing out. 

We can see how their “destiel endgame” is falling apart, and how they really do not care about the ship, or Dean or Cas, they just care about “being right” and when that doesn’t happen they are going to keep twisting their stories to fit their writings no matter what.

GA audiences are NOT going to see a romantic subplot when one of them is saying “you’re dead to me” to the other, they are going to see one man lashing at the other, and one VERY forced storyline that is pushing towards drama and angst just for the sake of it. More so when Dean and Cas have been barely interacting with each other through the last two seasons. There’s no romantic subplot, because it’s just NOT there. Yes, there’s, like I said, a forced, I hate to use the word, narrative, towards Dean manpain! through feeling guilty about lashing out, that we have seen before, nothing new, and nothing that screams ROMANTIC. Because if anything, 14.18, just put on the table how many times Dean has treated Cas like shit. If people want to see romance through abuse (and have no doubt that IS abuse, albeit not a conscious one), that’s their prerogative, but it’s going to be really hard in an era where tv shows and movies are changing so much, to see a story like that, and tag it as romantic plot. Times have changed. 

Metas see it or lie about it, because they can’t go back, after saying that destiel was going to go canon on season 13. Now that the show is ending, the possibilities for them to keep lying season through season, are limited, and that’s why they are grasping at straws. What these metas are doing is underestimating everyone, even GA, who don’t react to spn the same way they do. And like you said we are in 2019, the way spn writers present a story is barely used anymore. Yes, there are some shows that use the same formula of forced drama, but they are not good, as well as spn is not good and not that deep of a show.

I wonder how many other shows these metas watch? If any? Because if you compare the quality of the writing and the amazing subtext of shows like Sharp Objects, True Detective (especially seasons 1 and 3), Killing Eve, Big Little Lies, The Americans, Black Mirror, The Terror, The Leftovers, Hannibal, the new Twilight Zone (the last ep, destroyed me), Orphan Black, and going a little backwards shows that really were game changers like The L Word and Queer As Folk (I’m more fond of the UK version), it’s not hard to see why spn is subpar and stuck in time. And I’m not only talking about homoerotic subtext or lgbt+ stories, because some of the shows that I listed don’t have any, I’m talking about subtext in general, how a good writing can add to the story through music, art and even landscape,yes, but it has to be REALLY well done for it to work, a thing that spn lacks in spades, because they use the little subtext they have to queerbait, and that’s why, imo, they fail over and over again, and they have to recycle old story lines, to go back to a point where they know audiences came back because of Dean and Cas. 

That’s why we are seeing the same from them all.the.time. They have an overused formula they can’t get out of, because they have a dinosaur at the helm like Singer, that is still writing and directing like he was in a show in the 80′s. That old dudebro, aggressive male that lashes at everyone and everything, and it’s a douche in general when he doesn’t get his way, it’s what we had in shows from that era (and some from the 90′s too) and that’s what spn is giving us, and what some people are justifying. Maybe because they’re too young to remember? Maybe because, they don’t watch other shows to compare to? Idk, but they accept this aggressive, repetitive formula, saying that we don’t “get it” when some of us have seen it SO many times on television before. A way of telling stories that is being buried more and more, thank the gods…

And this is too long already, and as usual I apologize, there’s so much still to say about these metas… If they are showing anything is their absolute ignorance of tv shows, old and new, no matter how much they want to turn the tables and say that we are the ones that are not smart enough to understand spn. And I named just a few shows, because I’m sure you have yours, and people following me can also name lots of shows that are amazing at writing subtext and delivering a good story, without going for the manpain! at every end of a season. 

Take care!

[lameunknown]

so i watched tlj

i’m just gonna ramble in long bullet points bc aint no way i’m forming coherent thoughts right now. spoilers ahead, duh. 

one of my fav parts about the experience was how the movie theater was packed full of people just as crazy and excited about this as me & alex. we literally either held hands or hugged tight during the entire movie bc i don’t think we’d survive otherwise lmao. get you a friend who’s not afraid to show support through physical contact. also it was 8 pm so there weren’t that many kids. people clapped several times and when kylo & rey blew up luke’s lightsaber someone yelled “FUCK” super loudly and everyone else agreed

speaking about kylo and rey.....yeah lucasfilm....this is what we’re not gonna do. it scares me SO. MUCH. that even as an avid anti r*ylo i couldn’t help seeing it, and i’m TERRIFIED of ep 9 for that exact reason. the hand touching was disgusting. like all these moments would’ve been absolutely precious if only there was a way to see them as purely platonic, but after these two long years there sadly is not. i really wanted them to work together as PLATONIC PARTNERS and possibly later FRIENDS but i guess not. :( also i hated her parentage so much? like i hope he was just lying to her bc they HAVE to be related. i refuse to believe they aren’t. and if they aren’t, rey better be obi wan’s or qui gonn’s or pure force spawn or some shit, foh with that scavenger bullshit. 

speaking of kylo! these segways are really working out great so far. yeah my boy dumb as shit. like every time i think he can’t possibly do anything stupider he goes and fuckin does it. i guess that’s what the mix of skywalker tomfoolery, solo stupidity and the fact that a powerful dark entity has been fucking your head up since your early childhood does to you, but i honestly can’t with him jesus. supreme leader??? deceiving & YELLING at rey? really kyle??? go to your fucking room boy you got some serious nerve behaving like this after seemingly making all that progress. at least he looked amazing (that cloak moment at the end? come thru!) and i loved that he wasn’t wearing his mask and cloak most of the movie. i love his resting sad puppy face and his gorgeous fridge body. don’t come for me

we talked about kylo so naturally it’s time to talk about hux. can we please take a moment to thank the writers for making fanon hux canon in the best possible way? and in the first five fucking minutes of the movie, too? i was so happy i couldn’t believe my eyes OR ears. seriously, it almost feels as if they went through all of our best fics and fanarts ( @kyleauxwren ‘s ICONIC wine mom hux comes to mind) and decided to just give the gays what they want, and it was a. ma. zing. and what a wonderful surprise it was bc they didn’t give him even a second in the trailer but in the movie we got T O N S of perfectly written, sassy, undereye circles, fed up with all this shit hux. i’m in love. would’ve preferred him slightly more rugged, with some stubble and possibly sipping from a flask, but that’s just me getting cocky. 

you already know. i fucken hate kylux. we didn’t get as much direct face-to-face communication and sadly no catchphrase to top “careful, ren”, but i thoroughly enjoyed the little moments in which they (mostly hux) tried to cooperate? like ngl it was mostly hux trying to make the best out of the situation he’d find himself in and negotiate with kyle and then kyle would just lash out and start banging him around and tbh i felt kinda sorry for him, but i guess that’s life when your boyfriend is an unhinged nearly all-powerful manchild. part of me still hopes kylo calms down at least a little bit and starts appreciating/respecting hux for putting up with so much of his shit (again.......supreme leader is dead long live the supreme leader???? the only thing you are is supreme idiot you stinky) lmao. but that’s irrelevant to the actual canon so imma stop. i gotta point out though, the choking scene does look like a hardcore kylucc shipper wrote it..........i immediately remembered those gifs from crash pad you know which ones.........

luke. can’t say i’m overly surprised/saddened by his death bc it was built up thoroughly and what rey said describes it quite nicely, but i was extemely shocked to find out the whole ben incident. i truly didn’t think luke was capable of that under any circumstances, the dark side or snoke or whatever must’ve gotten to him in that moment. and this knowledge makes me even more uncomfortably sympathetic to kylo, call me a dirty apologist (even though i don’t CONDONE his actions, i just understand his motives and wish for him to get better), see if i care. i do feel incredibly sorry that luke didn’t find it in him to forgive himself and lived with that horrible thought for so long, but idk man, as it’s already been said it’s not like leia wasn’t even more affected? idk how i feel about the whole exile thing. probably same as with everything kylo does - i kind of understand where he’s coming from but it’s not the right thing to do. 

leia. tbh i feel incredibly sad for the entire resistance and i can’t even imagine how one would feel in her place. carrie was brilliant as always, and although i didn’t cry my eyes out every time she came on screen, i felt it in my heart. the scene in the beginning got me hard and i’d really thought we’d lost her, which would’ve been kinda....not really approppriate imo, but then we got to see her use the force, and to which extent! it was a scene we waited for for years and it did not disappoint. her mom moments with poe were also extremely cute. i was kinda bummed out when she didn’t go out to talk with kylo. i wonder why she didn’t, did she really give up on him completely in that moment? i wonder how they’re gonna do ep9 without carrie :(

poe. and finn. and rose. i enjoyed all their scenes immensely but the big hoof kitty chase on that casino planet and finn’s face off with phasma are definitely highlights. poe just kept being poe throughout the movie which is always a raging success in itself but as i said, i enjoyed his mother-son moments with leia so much i was almost moved to tears. not quite, but almost.  finn looking for rey as soon as he woke up was amazing, of course. as well as his interactions with rose. i’ve heard people say finnrey is dead bc of that lil kiss but i honestly don’t see it? i didn’t see any romantic interest from finn, the only way i interpret this as is rose having an innocent crush on a hero and deciding to take her chance before she thought she would’ve died. about that, too, i love my son with my entire heart but what was he thinking flying directly into that thing :( please don’t ever do that again oh my god. 

overall, i liked the movie, even though it left me with some EXTREMELY mixed feelings and shattered perceptions. imma have to watch it a couple more times to take everything i can in properly but i liked it a lot, and not only because it’s star wars and it’s what i’ve been living for for the past 2 years. one of the things i loved about it was the comedy. it was just the perfect amount, at the right time, in the right places, perfect. although if i hadn’t watched th/or 3 before this i would’ve been taken aback lmao, i wasn’t used to humor in sci-fi/fantasy before. the plotlines i feel like were a bit scattered and hard to keep track of sometimes. tfa remains my favourite star wars movie but if anything, tlj was completely original plot wise (you can’t pick a clear match for it out of the rest of the movies the way you can with anh and tfa), even if it led to some confusion and scattering. 

i probably meant to mention something else but it’s 4 am and i gotta go to bed at some point. please talk to me about this movie if you’ve seen it as well, and if you read this far i hope you have the most wonderful day. 

[milo-gin]

11 questions tag

tagged by @miss-nobody-foryou

Rules:1. post the rules

2. answer the questions given to you by the tagger

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people

1. What do you feel when you see your favorite color?

Well it makes me feel at ease, since it’s blue, I love the ocean, the sky, I can find it everywhere and anywhere I go, in jewerly, clothes, peoples, eyes, souls are tinted with color too... so that’s what I feel a lot of love, I feel overwhelmed, I also feel small cuz blue has deep undertones...so romantic lol

2. American english or british english ?

BOTH!! American english makes me feel comfortable and almost gangster like haha, I love imitating accents, so I can speak in both (fun fact) idk if im good, but I definitely enjoy doing it

3. If the person that tagged you disappeared, what would you do? (PLEASE IF YOU ANSWER… ELABORATE A LITTLE BIT KIM) ?

OH SHIT!!! Deep question idk, really we dont talk as often as we should anymore for some reason, astrologically Im suppossed to connect and interact with you a lot, but I dont...I guess Im kinda scared of you tbh...friendship is a very scary concept, I always feel like Imma be betrayed, and left, also that people are gonna shout out to the world my most disgusting secrets and all that...(coughs *scorpio dominant much*)

4. What is so good about dogs?

OH NO YOU DID-NT!!!! What isnt good about dogs tbh, haha I guess cat people wouldnt understand cuz you like independence but irl you’re more the caring type you hug people... I guess it goes back to personality, Im a closet gay, so I want to be loved secretely, but I dont go out of my way to hug people...Ive noticed cat people are very in tune with their emotions and arent afraid to express themselves, some arent tho.... haha  I LOVE DOGS cuz they’re so needy of love and cute, and they are absolute loyal animals that would never ever stop loving you unless you train them to hate, they’re the best pets...i love them so much T _T

5. If you had 1 billion dollars, what would you buy?

That’s a lot of money, I think I would invest and create a bussiness with people I know that have good management skills and all that, probably would partner up with Just Kidding Films for that one, also I would try to create an organization specific to give shelter to animals, that would create a lot of jobs, and it would be slash a training center so we can make revenue, and keep maintaining the animals there...I would try to help out africa dude, or create a refugee type of center so people can go there, maybe they could get a job at the dog thing to sustaing their families... MAN if I had that kinda money... T_T

6. Would you like to be a dude? why or why not?

DAMN STRAIGHT!!! I would like to be a dude cuz I like dude fashion, lol...Also secretely cuz I’d want to experience having a dick, how does it feel hahaha idk...only if I can remember I was a girl at some point, if not I wouldnt think much of it, and it would miss the point that would serenade my curiosity

7. favorite tv show and why?

My fave tv show would have to be FRIENDS!!! LOL and Pushing Daisies, damn you fucking ratings for cancelling my favorite show

8. what was the most frustrating moment in your life?

Probably being unable to fix my siblings’s lives, I wish they would’ve listened to me on a lot of advices really, but they didnt :(

9. flower crowns…. yay or nay?

NOPE, haha I would look absolutely ridiculous cuz I’m fat, and Im not specificall attractive, or beautiful to be honest, and I believe you have to have a certain type of look to your face to wear them the way they should, or you have to be really confident man. Confidence is key for this one

10. If your crush was not compatible with you (like your astrological sign says NO… just no) would you still be with him/her?

HELL YEAH!!! There’s more to astrology than we’re told, and things CAN be worked out between difficult signs, for example Pisces and Libra are said to be one of the worst pairs cuz we’re both lazy or low energy signs, but I believe that having the right mindset, and being developed signs, or also just responsible, self-aware people; would completely trip down any other obstacles. Basically both partners have to want to be with each other as much no matter what happens, based on stuff i’ve done in the past... I think I would be able to be with someone that isnt compatible with me, if I love them of course

11. Do you love me? :D

Hahaha of course I do huuuney!! I MUDDA LOVE YOOUUU!!!

1. Do you know annyeonghaseyo? 2. What’s the thing that scares you the most? 3. If you could red-do your life, would you change something, if so, what would it be? 4. Did you know you can buy pieces of moon? 5. You are now queen or king of a nation, what would you do with that power? 6. How important is music in your life?  7. What’s a trait (physical or personality wise) that you like about yourself? 8. What’s your personality type, do you identify with it? 9. Have you been in a relationship, if so what did you learn in it? 10. If you were a writer what stories would you tell? 11. How do you feel about... S E X (hahaha this is tumblr, what a question ahaha)? I tag: @callistoinnocentdevil @socuteyoongi @floralyoungbloods @onlytaekook @multimessy @popomonster @billiethebean @mygeniuslab @onemilliondoorways @onehundred-fandoms @kuukkeli @ohmy-0613 @yoonmin @fortheloveofsuga @angeconstantino @fictionalsomeone @min-sugabts @lionking2830 @daddys-meme-monster @10jungshook15