#idk I feel like he’d at least try after Queen came on board

[nathsolkyoako]

Do you think Alphonze tried to sing

In the Black Sea at what is most likely night (hard to tell with everything dark) not many people awake they quietly hear “Daisy Daisy” from the helm

[absolutepokemontrash]

The undatables as uncles need more love, so... What if L!MC and the rest of the children just go to the castle or purgatory Hall for a few days because the Bros got tired or just need a day of rest. Idk this makes no sense

Yes, more uncle shennaniganery!

A Day at the Demon Lord’s Castle

Masterlist

It was Demon-Flu season, and no demon in the House of Lamentation was spared from its sniffly wrath. It started with Belphegor waking up and sneezing right next to Beel, and it was all downhill from there.

Notice how I said “demon”, the dear little Half-Demons were all fine thanks to the efforts of M!MC who for some reason had bought a bunch of plague doctor masks the week prior.

“Why... why did you buy these?” L!MC asked, their voice muffled by the badly fitting mask.

“I saw em’ in a store window and I decided I wanted them.”

Three out of four of the Brat Brigade (plus the cat) were on their way to the Demon Lord’s castle to stay until the house’s little epidemic passed. Lord Diavolo had oh so graciously asked (begged) to be allowed to host the kids for a while.

What could go wrong?

Many things could go wrong.

For one, the first thing A!MC saw when they first arrived, was a rat. Not one of the gross scary ones, but one of the absolutely adorable ones that turns you into the ‘gently holds’ meme.

“I’m going to call you Templeton!” “*squeak*” “Yay!”

Barbatos of course came to greet the guests, and explained that they have a little... issue with rats at that moment. Butler-dad assured them it wouldn’t be a problem, just if the children saw any of the vermin running around to tell him and he’d dispose of them.

Templeton the rat was promptly hidden in one of A!MC’s pockets.

The Purgatory Hall crew was there as well, apparently Solomon decided to make brunch and Purgatory Hall’s kitchen exploded.

Lord Diavolo finally makes his entrance and declares that everyone should unpack and relax, his gorgeous/terrifying castle was their gorgeous/terrifying castle.

“So,” L!MC rested their head on their hand and rotated the knight in their free hand as they stared half vacantly at the chess board. “Did you take care of the snake in the labyrinth, Dia?”

Diavolo lit up when he heard his seldom used nickname. “Well, Henry 1.0 isn’t exactly bothering anyone down there at the moment, and I don’t think Levi is equipped to deal with a fifty foot long untamed snake.”

L!MC smirked and placed their knight down. “Yeah, at least not right now.”

The moment L!MC removed their hand from the knight, Diavolo moved his bishop and took their queen. Shit.

“Aw man...” L!MC mumbled, after a cursory look at the board, the poor thing realized that they had been screwed for the last five turns and Diavolo was just prolonging the match.

“Don’t feel too bad, L!MC.” Diavolo gave them a pat on the head. “Lucifer can’t beat me in chess either.”

“Hmph.” They wouldn’t admit it but... that did make them feel a little better.

“That reminds me, I have a favour to ask of you.” L!MC almost outwardly drooped at the mention of... ugh... a task. “Do you mind reviewing some dad-jokes with me to make sure they are suitably dad-like?”

“...what?” Quickly remembering they were in the presence of honest to God (poor choice of words... uh... Grandfather?) royalty, L!MC straightened their posture and tried their best to look respectfully curious instead of completely and utterly confused. “Pardon?”

“M!MC and several others have said I have ‘dad vibes’, so I’m leaning into it!” Diavolo smiled so brightly if L!MC hadn’t been the child of the Morning Star they may have been blinded. “My father wasn’t one for jokes, so I’d like to run these by you before I say them to others.”

Suppressing a snort of laughter, L!MC nodded. “Go for it, I’m all ears.”

Diavolo pulled out quite the long list and began to read out loud... L!MC quickly realized that this may take longer than expected. “Okay, to begin: I’m afraid for the calendar, it’s days are numbered.”

“Oh not-that-good-Lord...” L!MC muttered under their breath.

The dad jokes continued, some were funny, some were absolutely awful, some sounded like they were made for children in the Victorian era... overall, it was a good- holy shit that took over two hours...

“Finally,” Diavolo squinted at the last joke. “I went to the liquor store and they asked for my ID, while I fumbled for my wallet, my Blockbuster card fell out, the cashier said ‘nevermind’.”

L!MC furrowed their brows. “What’s a Blockbuster?”

“That was what I was hoping you’d explain to me... is it a dad requirement to get a card for that establishment..?”

“Mmmm...” L!MC pursed their lips. “Probably not. I mean, Lucifer doesn’t have one.”

“That’s true...” Diavolo looked at the clock, then stood up and began to shoo L!MC out the door. “Look at me, taking up all your time that you should be spending with your friends. Thank you for your help, L!MC, now don’t let me keep you any longer!”

Giggling slightly, L!MC shot a wave over their shoulder as they left the room. “Bye dad! See you later!”

They were half way down the hallway when they realized their verbal slip-up.

“Oh.” L!MC’s face burned with embarrassment. “Shit.”

Dad-volo was totally delighted and very cool about it, don’t worry.

M!MC and Bean the cat were hanging out with the angels in the very pretty royal gardens when that mess was going down.

Luke was being absolutely adorable and was snuggling Bean while he and Simeon looked at the pretty plants.

In traditional M!MC fashion, they were engaging in an average game of ‘lightly tease the chihuahua’.

“It’s just... you’re so small.” M!MC took the opportunity to rest their arm on Luke’s head as he stopped to observe a colour changing flower bush. “How many years have you been this height? 100? 200?”

M!MC had taken the news that Luke was older than them in stride, finding new opportunities to make the little angel do his adorable angy face. They were obviously succeeding in their jerkwad-endeavours as Luke pushed their arm off and fixed his now smushed hat.

“You be quiet! I’m perfectly average height for an angel my age.” Luke huffed, petting the cat, who hissed at M!MC. The stupid cat absolutely hated them for some reason, it brought L!MC never ending joy to bring the cat into their shared room and watch it hiss and swipe at them. L!MC should really show some more respect for their older cousin!

“Are angels normally the size of a fifth grader?” M!MC snickered. “Is Simeon considered a freak for his height?”

“No, M!MC, I am not.” Simeon chuckled. “Rest assured, Luke will grow.”

“Yeah! And I’m sure I’ll be taller than you!” Luke added.

M!MC smirked deviously and pinched Luke’s cheek. “Well, I’ll have to take advantage of your smallness and baby face while I still can!”

“Hey! Stop that!” Luke tried to swat their hands away, but M!MC had inherited their father’s reflexes and his penchant for being a little shit every once and a while, so Luke’s swatting only resulted in more pinches.

“Never!” M!MC teased. “Surrender to your smallness!”

“No!”

Luke took off deeper into the garden, surprisingly quickly considering he was holding a cat that was hellbent on clawing M!MC’s eyes out. M!MC laughed and gave chase.

“Luuuuuuuke! Come back! I promise I’ll be nice!” M!MC lied right through their teeth like the little heathen they were, as they ran down the path they noticed that they couldn’t see Luke up ahead anymore, nor could they hear him yelling for Simeon to make them quit their teasing.

“Heheh...” M!MC wheezed as they stopped to catch their breath. “Luke c’mon, don’t be a baby. It’s real immature to hide like that!”

There was no response, which made M!MC just a little nervous, just a smidge. The plants had changed from pretty flowers and gorgeous trees to a much darker clump of vines and twisting branches. It all seemed to be the same plant, M!MC noted as they scanned the area for any sign of Luke and the cat, or Simeon for that matter.

“Luke? Bean? Come on! Haul your asses over here, this isn’t funny any-” M!MC paused and looked down as something coiled around their left leg. “-more?”

The vine tightened and yanked them backwards, M!MC fell right to the ground and clawed at the path to stop them getting pulled into the brush. Another vine wrapped around their right leg, any resistance that digging their nails into the ground was nullified as both vines yanked M!MC into the bushes.

Well, this was a nightmare of epic proportions. The vines continued to wrap around the helpless half demon until they were completely unable to move. As M!MC looked around frantically, they made eye contact with an all too familiar pair of blue eyes. Ah! There was Luke!

“Mmmph!” Only Luke’s eyes were visible, but the eyes are the gateway to the soul or whatever, and M!MC took an educated guess and decided that Luke’s soul wasn’t too happy with them.

“Mmth! Mmth!” M!MC tried to speak, but their mouth was covered by the vines. The two would have to communicate with their eyes only.

‘This is your fault!’

‘How the fuck is this MY fault?’

‘If you hadn’t teased me this never would have happened!’

‘Grow thicker skin, you chihuahua!’

‘Fuck you!’

Listen, Luke probably wasn’t capable of trying to communicate a swear word, but it was incredibly funny for M!MC to think about.

“M!MC? Luke?” Simeon stepped into their limited field of vision. “Where are you two? This plant is carnivorous.”

Oh... lovely. That was good to know.

“Mmemph!”

“MFTH!” Luke and M!MC tried to call out to Simeon, only for the vines to wrap around them even tighter. Wow, what a way to go... strangled by a plant... ugh. L!MC would never let them live that down...

“Hm,” Simeon looked down at the vine that was coiling around his leg. “What a bother.”

Quick as lightning, Simeon grabbed the vine and sent a burst of shining gold magic shooting through it. The magic quickly spread to the rest of the plant and the moment the magic slammed into M!MC they nearly passed out from the searing pain that shot through their entire body.

They clamped their eyes shut and clenched their teeth to stop them from rattling as they felt the massive wave of Celestial magic wash over them. It was weirdly warm, like a hug from a friend, but it wasn’t a pleasant sensation, at least not to M!MC.

The plant let out an otherworldly scream as it threw Luke, Bean, and M!MC back onto the path at Simeon’s feet.

Luke picked Bean back up and dusted off his clothes like he didn’t have a care in the world. M!MC lay on the ground, if you listened closely you could hear them sizzle a bit. Nothing like being nearly strangled by a plant and then roasted by holy ‘fuck you’ magic.

“I’m glad you’re both okay,” Simeon pulled Luke into a hug and helped M!MC off the ground. “Did I ah... use to much magic?”

M!MC half-scowled at their saviour and wiped down their outfit. “Yeah. A little too much.”

“My bad,” Simeon ruffled M!MC’s hair. “I hope this serves as a learning experience for you two, Luke, don’t run off like that, and M!MC,”

The half demon nearly jumped in fear and surprise as Simeon swivelled to look at them. The smile on his face was far from comforting. “Don’t tease poor Luke too much, okay?”

“Uh... uh huh.” M!MC quickly nodded.

“Good! Now let’s head back, I think we’ve all had enough of the Royal Gardens.”

As the group returned, they passed a very red in the face L!MC and wondered what exactly went down in the time they were gone.

It’s common knowledge that Barbatos hates rats, it’s also common knowledge that A!MC is the embodiment of a ray of sunshine.

What does this lead to, you may be asking, well...

A!MC and their dear rat Templeton needed to hide from the politely homicidal Barbatos.

“Sh!” A!MC whispered into their pocket, the rat responded with an indignant squeak.

The Demon Lord’s Castle was absolutely massive, and trying to navigate it without a map was akin to wandering around an ancient pyramid filled with death traps. A!MC and their dear companion were wandering the place without a map and trying to hide from a butler that had the power to see into the future. The two fugitives were at a clear disadvantage.

A!MC had managed to stumble into an area that had paintings and statues completely everywhere, it was then they realized they were completely lost.

While quietly perusing the room, A!MC took notice of quite the lovely portrait of a woman. She had long flowing locks of golden hair and the most gorgeous captivating eyes... A!MC nearly shrieked when the woman’s eyes snapped to their’s and her face contorted into a scowl.

“Do I know you?” The woman asked, A!MC gulped and shook their head.

“N-no ma’am, I don’t think we’ve met...” A!MC mumbled before sticking out their hand for a handshake. The painting woman stared down at their outstretched hand, very unimpressed. “I’m A!MC, it’s nice to meet you.”

The half demon offered their cutest smile, their dad had lovingly taken the time to coach them in the art of being so darn tootin’ adorable that everyone would fall over themselves to get A!MC to like them. The moment the woman registered the smile, her scowl returned for a brief moment, then vanished entirely.

“Oh,” The woman smiled sweetly. “I do think I know you, do you mind coming a bit closer so I can see you better?”

Suffering from a complete inability to detect red flags, A!MC happily moved closer.

“Ah, just as I suspected. You look like Asmodeus.”

“You know my dad?” A!MC asked.

“Yes,” The woman’s eyes narrowed. “I know him quite well.”

A!MC was suddenly knocked off balance as a massive gust of wind shoved them closer to the painting. They frantically clawed at the stone ground as Templeton squeaked and squirmed in their pocket.

“Your father is the reason I’m stuck in this painting,” The woman explained coldly as A!MC tried to scramble away. “He escaped the labyrinth twice, but I don’t plan on letting you escape.”

“I-uh- m-muh-my dad’s probably really sorry about whatever he did! There’s no need to be rash!” A!MC stuttered.

“Yeah, no.” The woman huffed. “He had his chance to fix things. I’m getting even.”

“Not right now you’re not.”

A!MC swivelled their head around to see Barbatos calmly holding out a pair of scissors.

“Now Helene, I’d recommend releasing the child before I’m forced to take drastic measures.” Barbatos clicked the scissors together twice, and Helene paled. The wind pushing A!MC towards the painting dissipated and the half demon ran and hid behind the butler.

“Th-thank you...” A!MC mumbled.

“It’s not a problem, A!MC. Now I believe it would be a wise choice to move to another room.”

The two, (plus the hidden rat) ended up in the kitchen. A!MC shifted nervously as Barbatos began prepping lunch.

“Is there something you need to tell me?” Barbatos asked suddenly, A!MC straightened their posture and nodded.

“I um... promise you won’t be mad...” A!MC mumbled.

“I can assure you, I won’t be too upset.”

“I made a friend.” A!MC took Templeton out of their pocket and held him closely to their chest, Barbatos’s calm smile froze on his face. “He’s really sweet, please don’t kill him!”

“...A!MC.” Barbatos began slowly. “I’m not mad... just make sure it doesn’t escape and run rampant... now... please get it out of my kitchen.”

“Yes sir! Thank you sir!” A!MC turned and sprinted to their room.

Ugh... Barbatos, haven’t you ever watched Ratatouille? The rat can cook dammit!

When Luke went in to bake with his second dad he was very confused as to why Barbatos looked like he was having war flashbacks.

Huh... weird right? Anyway...

Good ol’ weird uncle Solomon suggested that after dinner everyone should get together and watch a movie.

L!MC and Solomon suggested that they watch The Conjuring and that idea got immediately shot down.

M!MC brought up that the most “family get-together” movie they could think of was Star Wars.

So they watched A New Hope.

“We could be watching the Conjuring right now.” L!MC murmured as they watched Luke Skywalker fumble his way to Obi Wan Kenobi.

“Yeah.” Solomon whispered back. “You know, I met Ed and Lorraine Warren.”

“Cool,” L!MC smiled. “My ren took me to their house once, when I went in to see all the haunted objects all the demons inside wanted to hang out with me.”

“Huh,” Solomon snickered. “Did they think you were Lucifer?”

“Yep. It was funny, Annabelle’s a pretty big asshole though.”

“I’d be an asshole too if I were stuck in a raggedy Anne doll since the 60s and not allowed to leave.”

“Both of you sh!” M!MC hissed, they threw some popcorn over their shoulder, which L!MC threw right back.

A while into the movie, M!MC elbowed Solomon and pointed at one of the aliens. “That’s you.”

“I’m so hurt…” Solomon pouted.

“And that’s you.” L!MC pointed at a stormtrooper that had just gotten shot with a blaster. M!MC scoffed and rolled their eyes.

“I’m not some dumb stormtrooper.”

“Yeah, you’re a little short for a stormtrooper.”

“HEY!”

“SHHHHHHH!” A!MC and Luke turned and started throwing their own popcorn…

The mess that they all had to vacuum after the movie was much more terrifying than The Conjuring ever could have been.

So, after a few days, Lucifer called to say that everyone was back to normal and the last remnants of the Demon-Flu were gone.

Yay! The kids could go back to their really overcrowded house!

The goodbyes were something to behold.

“Goodbye everyone! Come back sometime soon!” Diavolo waved from the doorway.

“Bye, Lord Diavolo!” L!MC smiled brightly and returned the wave. M!MC snickered and nudged them.

“That’s a pretty cold way to say goodbye to your dad-”

“Shut up…” L!MC growled.

“L!MC, what are they talking about?” Lucifer asked.

“Nothing!”

M!MC looked like they were weighing the pros and cons of surviving the conversation, then shrugged.

“M!MC, no, you have so much to live for!” A!MC pleaded.

“L!MC called Lord Diavolo dad!”

Mammon erupted into hysterical laughter while Asmo giggled and half heartedly patted L!MC on the head. Lucifer was not impressed.

“You know,” L!MC sighed. “I’m moving out. Lord Diavolo can I come live here?”

“L!MC, come back.” Lucifer trailed after his very embarrassed spawn.

A!MC pulled on their dad’s sleeve and cleared their throat.

“Yes sweetie?”

“D-dad, do you have a vehement hatred and or fear of rats?”

“Um-”

“Meet Templeton, he’s adorable and my friend.”

————————

Author’s note, The next part of the main series is coming next week… or this week… idk how long things take.

(Probably this week)

[neshabeingchildish]

Hensley & Char: Friends or Whatever || Part 6

I have to warn y’all, this chapter has some sadness in it. I tapped into 15 year old me and how I was trying to navigate what I thought back then was me being bi, which IF someone calls me bi, I am not opposed to the able, even being technically ace, but for that time and for my feelings/experience and the language I had access to, that’s what I was considering myself as, but nobody knew that (though I was rumored gay by several people in high school, despite never seeing me in any relationships and me only ever speaking about male crushes to others) LOL, yes, Mama used to have male crushes irl, when I was a kid. But, I tapped into some of myself, but made it more Charlotte-like and leaned on the gay. Idk how well it will or won’t resonate, but I hope that I at least did Charlotte justice in her experience with looking inward, though her results may be disappointing, I hope that they at least come across as realistic, if not relatable or understandable. @just-a-j-reallly @junknstu1f @henryharts I’m not in a rush for feedback, as I know everybody has things going on. Hopefully my tags work out. A lot of people never get notified of them.

Also, as a heads up, the next chapter, whenever that might come, might also be sad too. I’m so sorry. 

The Jasper Juxtaposition

They had been trying to get Jasper into the fold of their outfit for a while. Ray wasn’t having it. Even whenever Charlotte basically throw her pride into a burning bin, seeping with trash juice, to pretend that she was secretly dating Hensley, but that they couldn’t tell anyone because, “Charlotte’s not out of the closet.” At this point, Charlotte was very heavily debating this ruse. 

There was an element of “people shouldn’t lie/joke about being in the closet,” which she strongly and firmly believed in… But… She went along with it anyway, because as she did her backstory for this test on Jasper, she found that she comfortably created the guise. 

“I can say that I’ve been curious about my sexuality for a while, and seeing you out of the closet, living your best gay life inspired me to come to you for advice on how to navigate figuring it out and in the process, we fell for each other and started dating secretly.”

Hensley laughed in her face and said, “It’s Jasper, Char. You don’t have to say all of that. Just be like, “We’re gay together, Dude.” He’s gonna accept it and be super chill about it. I’m not convinced there’s a pile of homo rattling around in him, if we’re being honest. PLUS, he thinks we’re both hot. He’s gonna get a kick out of us kissing and stuff.”

“I’m not kissing you!” Charlotte squealed.

Hensley turned up her nose, “What? Ew. No! Of course not. Ugh. This incites disgust, to think of it.” She shook her head, “Kissing a straight girl… in the mouth? I don’t know where your mouth has been. On boys, probably. I don’t want boy kiss transfer.”

“You kissed Chloe all the time!” Charlotte argued, unsure of why that was her response instead of arguing that she didn’t want to kiss Hensley (and hadn’t been kissing any boys, unless you counted kissing Jack Swagawitz at camp… which… she didn’t), and furthermore…

“Chloe was different, though. I really liked her,” Hensley said.

“You went out with Bianca as soon as you had a window,” Charlotte muttered.

“You told me to go for it! What? Now, I gotta stop listening to my smarter half?”

They bickered up until the moment that Jasper came over for them to feed him the lie. Whoa, were they bad at lying together… Fortunately, it was Jasper. Who, Charlotte was very disturbed by his fascination with the thought of them kissing. “Jasper is fetishing us, and I don’t like it,” she told Hensley.

“He’s not fetishizing you. He’s fetishizing fake lesbian you. It’s different.”

“Yeah, but… He’s… fetishizing lesbians!”

“He’s a dude. Dudes do that,” Hensley said, waving a hand. Charlotte didn’t like that explanation and it was often Hensley’s excuse for a number of sexist and problematic things that happened on her watch. Maybe it was for the best that Jasper didn’t pass the test. Then she’d have a problematic Hensley, and ANOTHER problematic guy at work. Ray was alright. He was nice, enough, but he said stuff sometimes that made her uncomfortable and he didn’t really listen whenever she pointed these things out. (Something that she had no idea would get worse over time, but that’s another subject.

Currently, the subject is Jasper. 

It took a while before Jasper came on board with the team. It took a while before he was ready for this secret. From the time that Hensley and Charlotte “broke up” until then, there were a lot of adventures that Hensley and Char saw together that made them really close in a way that Charlotte and Jasper were not, and even that Jasper and Henry were not. And in a way, for Charlotte, it was a lot like the fabricated story that she had spun - their secret involvement and the connecting together that nobody knew about… Also, since then, she had really been thinking about how easy it was for her to think of that, and how… relatable it felt, how natural it was to even imagine herself, keeping that sort of secret because she couldn’t tell people that she maybe… well… she didn’t really think it was so much a maybe these days… liked girls. 

More specifically, she maybe (and this WAS still a maybe), liked Hensley. Her hopeless heroine who she helped on a daily basis, and loved being so close to, even when she complained and fussed at her about the things that she deserved to be fussed at about. She would probably NEVER let her live down almost getting killed by Jasper’s crazy ex girlfriend, and she was so tired of Hensley always coming to her to get her out of stuff that she warned her about prior to the decision - like when she tried to go to the dance with Chloe as Kid Danger and Bianca as herself… STUPID HENSLEY! Charlotte decided, right around Jasper Dunlop Day that she wasn’t doing this anymore. She was going to explore her options and see what felt right. 

She bought a project board, some cards, and a science journal and she set up, literally in her closet, a little experiment center. She decorated the board, and across the top, had lettered, “Am I Gay?” Her hypothesis?: “I might be gay.” Procedure: Well, she supposed, she had to talk to some people, go on some dates, maybe kiss somebody? She shuddered. The amount of germs in saliva was terrifying to her. In fact, whenever she kissed Jack, she had threatened, “If you slip me any tongue, I’ll slip my fist right into your ribcage!” Needless to say, he slipped her no tongue.

But, her “experimentation phase” generally was not very successful for a number of reasons. 

First and foremost… meeting people? She wasn’t a fan. She joined the Student Council as a means to help her with a bit of self diagnosed social anxiety, but cared a lot about issues, so that she genuinely stayed in it to do community stuff and be a helpful member of the club. She met cool people, too! It was one of her things away from Hensley and away from Jasper, and wasn’t primarily academic, so she held it close to her heart as something for herself and decided against using it, and the fine people she met in it as lab rats for her orientation exploration.

Then, there was the little problem of personal space and unnecessary touching. There were very few people that she allowed into her bubble. Her parents, Uncle Roscoe, Hensley, Jasper, Piper, and Ray, and even with Ray, she tensed up for the longest time whenever he entered her bubble without warning. Even with that select amount of people who could be in her bubble, the only people that could casually touch her were her parents and Hensley. Sometimes Piper, but Piper had the respect to not touch her for no good reason. Unlike Hensley, who she simply had to get used to the fact that the girl was simply GOING TO just stand close, throw her arm around her, hug her, pick her up, play with her hair, tug on her backpack, or whatever she felt like doing at the time, and saying, “You should get permission before touching people,” just became background noise for Hensley, after a while, so Charlotte simply stopped saying it and adjusted. 

Jasper still sometimes got elbowed. It just wasn’t the same thing when a dude just touched you casually, she had initially thought. Maybe that wasn’t it at all and she just didn’t mind girls touching her as much, because she liked them? But… in order to figure that out, she’d have to let people in her bubble and let people casually touch her and see how she felt about it. 

So often, when it looked like somebody was getting too close, she stepped away, creating the distance of comfort for her and also, very clearly letting them see where it was. To the point that everybody who knew her knew not to get too close and everybody in her extracurriculars always did stuff like, “Hey Charlotte, I’m gonna take this lint off of you, okay?” (to which, she’d tell them to show her where it was and get it herself) or “Hi, Charlotte, do you mind if I sit here, or is that too close for you?”(To which she’d tell them to go ahead, but she’d move over more). She’d have to start telling people that being near her was okay, if she wanted to see her reactions to boys and girls and others in her proximity… And nowadays, they didn’t even ask anymore.

Even Mitch Bilsky would take one look at her and say, “UGH. The only space is by the queen of “don’t stand so close to me?” He’d then still do it, and even purposefully make her squirm, but she would resolve to ignore him and he’d get bored and move along.

But, she didn’t have very many times to test this out, and had to eventually rule out trying to get close to people (or let them get close to her) to see if she might feel a little flutter or not. 

Lastly, in addition to not being a people person and not wanting anybody in her personal space, The Man Cave was a whole ass full time job to maintain. She began to wonder what happened to people who previously worked for Ray/Captain Man? Even the ones that were there when she got there, and ones that would pop in and out for little assignments… after a while, she just didn’t see them, and she either was assigned their jobs, or took it upon herself to do them for worry of things going terribly wrong if she didn’t. Things went wrong in general, and she often felt like if she didn’t step in whenever she did, they could be downright disastrous. This job basically became her life. She never signed up for another marathon after dropping out whenever she thought the Super Volcano would kill them. She still had StuCo, but that was school related and when push came to shove, she only forsook the Man Cave for educational purposes, unless it was an extreme emergency.

In fact, she completely gave up on testing it all out and just let it bother her beneath the surface. Her conclusion: I’m more confused than ever, but technically… going to consider myself in the closet.

Imagine if I was as comfortable with myself as Jasper is…

You couldn’t tell that boy nothing. He protested stupid Swellview laws, jumped into hero mode to get his own hero day, wore belly shirts to everyone’s chagrin, was willing to go to tremendous lengths - sometimes extremely embarrassing ones - to get girls, and he overshared weird facts about his body with great excitement that just let you know that he adored these things about himself… 

She couldn’t even with certainty say that she MIGHT like girls, which, she was sure that she absolutely did, but she could hardly admit it to herself, much less out loud. What if it hurt her? What if it affected how she was seen by people on college boards or in the job field, once she left Swellview. Sure… there were YEARS before this happened, but Charlotte had been thinking ahead since she was small, and the moment she felt an inkling that her feelings may be… counterculture, she began to research related laws and statistics. 

Swellview didn’t have a big Black population. In fact, the demographics indicated that there were a lot more lgbt citizens than there were people who weren’t white, period. So, in Swellview, perhaps it wouldn’t be anything to be open about her sexuality… but… what if it was different for her, like a lot of things were. It was often different for her as a girl to be accepted in some spaces, to be listened to, to be respected. And it was frequently double different for her as a Black girl. Even the “good” people made her feel things that she often didn’t want to complain about, because they ALREADY thought she was an angry girl, when she couldn’t think of very many instances in which her anger was not justified. Research told her that was a common issue for Black girls and women. She didn’t have enough around her to touch base with, and was frustrated that she had to consider all of these intersections to even consider whether she would be free enough to have a sexual identity. 

Even with her academic record, immaculate articulation, and non-threatening appearance, Charlotte didn’t have many friends and didn’t have the best reputation. She was a nerd, but also, unfriendly. A Black girl in a male dominant world, in a white dominant city, and to possibly also be gay… she just… she couldn’t just toss that out there and have it attached to her name without knowing, and she felt like a coward for feeling like that. 

What would be the big deal, Charlotte? If that’s who you are… what would be so wrong about that? People be gay all over Swellview… but then again… everyday, she would see people be able to freely do things that she previously thought she WOULD never do, but as she got older realized that she wouldn’t do certain things, because she COULD never do them… not without possibly losing something. Chances? Respect? Heck, in certain areas of the world, her life. But, thinking this hard about it and not coming up with anything to push her to believe that she was indeed a straight girl, despite all of the reasons that it would be SO easy, and she loved easy things, despite her knack for tackling hard things. Why wouldn’t she just accept that she was straight, if that would make all of this anguish and confusion go away? She could just tell herself that she was straight and get it over with and move on… IF she was indeed straight. And if she wasn’t, no matter how much “experimentation” and hypothesizing she did, nothing would make her feel those feelings that she sometimes felt around Hensley, for some boy. 

So… She just sat with it. In her closet. She didn’t experiment and she didn’t hypothesize. But, in her science journal that she had previously been writing all of these things in, she scratched out her conclusion and wrote. 

Conclusion: I’m gay. 

But, she tore the page out and wadded it up. Then, she felt bad, straightened it back out, and slid it back into it's space. She tucked her cards into it and stuffed it into a lock box where she kept keepsakes and stuff, locked it in and got rid of her project board in the Junk n Stuff dumpster. 

She had been handling Kid Danger’s secret for a couple of years now and planned to hold on to it forever. She had time to figure out what to do with her own.

Besides… by the time Jasper got in on the secret… Things changed a lot, anyway.

[judehvyward]

lady gaga vc: i’m still in love w judas Babey..... helo. nai again. i cnt rly write lana atm so! switched her out fr jude. some of u might kno him already bt if nt then here is his pinterest board to kind of get a feel fr his aesthetic or whtever n then u can find out mre abt him beneath the cut. like this or hmu fr plots!!

( cis-male ) haven’t seen JUDE HAYWARD around in a while. the DOUGLAS BOOTH lookalike has been known to be (+) WITTY & (+) PROTECTIVE, but HE can also be (-) SARCASTIC & (-) DETACHED. The 23 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in FINE ART. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/ha. )

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super liberal n au naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the one time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like what the hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t super abusive or anything like that bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans

they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird/unhealthy environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they even knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just didn’t care one bit

they were both suuuuper into the arts. they’re both rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in san fran

as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his actual parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws their son forcing them to b responsible n look after someone else. tbh some of his parents friends tht stayed w him while they were away were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh fgkhdfgh. basically they just were not nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n film n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing. i mean he’s gd bt… chill

personality wise he acts out sometimes bc he’s so frustrated. he tried rly hard to be someone his parents wld care abt by doing wild or stupid things so he’d hav funny stories to tell them n tbh sometimes it works n he gets them to laugh w him but it isn’t a parent/son bond n it never rly wil b. he’s rly sarcastic, sleeps around a lot bt isn’t particularly fond of actual dates except in rare cases, has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably draw them n get rly defensive if they find out abt it fkjgdhfkj bcos he’s an independent boy without a sentimental bone in his body! or so he tries to pretend. pretty deadpan humour most of the time. luvs strange ppl tht keep him on his toes

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps fgjkhfgjkf he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot. he also… smokes a lot fr the sake of his depression bc hoo boy does he hav it bad! he’s tried a bunch of medications n none have rly worked bt u kno. he’s surviving

wld die to protect tha Wamen. once punched a guy fr bein disrespectful to queen n living legend frankie vigo. rly jst… does his best to b a gd guy bt sometimes fucks up mostly frm jst. thoughtless errors

king of bein an lgbt ally. experimented once n ws like :/ when guys jst… weren’t fr him. he genuinely ws disappointed over it n hs sighed at least seven times over the matter. when blake came out as gay he wore this shirt 2 support him. truly jst a strange little man w positive intentions

ummmmmmmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges along tht dramatic model jawline. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a good time. o and he’s that guy that would die fr morrissey (in terms of…. his style bt he acknowledges tht he ws/is a pretentious twat) and all that stone roses the smiths the cure etc stuff music wise. hmu fr plots!!!!!! i’m down fr anything

[jq37]

any predictions for next episode? any more thoughts on what happened this episode? everyone says this every episode but it sure was wild

I’ve been sitting on this ask for 5 whole-ass days just trying to gather my thoughts because, yeah, I do say it every week but this ep was especially wild.

I think that before I can talk about what I think is going to happen, I have to talk about what I thought was supposed to happen.

Now, before I watched the ep, I thought this fight was gonna go something like the graduation scene from Buffy because those kids came strapped and they weren’t even adventurers. They just happened to live by a hellmouth. But everyone basically dipped immediately. Now, in fairness, the bad kids are probably overleveled compared to even the seniors considering they keep going on side adventures, but man that was some weak sauce. I really wanted whoever had the highest charisma stat (Fabian or Fig I’m guessing) to give a speech, roll something crazy, and get some backup.

Like I said in a previous ask, I went into the last ep curious about what form it would take because a battle ep alone wouldn’t be enough to wrap everything up, surely. I thought they it might have been planned as a battle length ep with an extra hour or so tacked on for story and epilogueing.

I also don’t think Brennan wanted a TPK. Like, who is that fun for? Not the players who have gotten super attached to their characters by this point. Not the people paying for Dropout subscriptions. But he also made the fight pretty freaking hard. Penelope and Dayne were pretty strong mini bosses (even though they got Dayne super fast), they came into the fight at half strength, the first part of the fight had a keep away element, Goldenhoard was strong before her turned into a dragon, and then he turned into a freaking dragon. I think having Ragh there to recruit and the roll for police mechanic were meant to alleviate the sheer difficulty of the fight, but you can only rely on the luck of the die so much (something Brennan must have re-learned when he let Ally roll for a potentially story breaking action). The deck was really stacked against them. So I feel like he had a plan for a party wipe. I mean, he’s had two players die before. It’s very possible his plan was that they would all wipe, meet up in heaven, chat with Aguefort, and then come back and finish the fight, maybe after some kind of sacrifice. I think Brennan would end the series with one, maybe two significant deaths, or a full party wipe IF they specifically were making a choice to make a Big Damn Hero sacrifice. It wouldn’t be narratively satisfying if everyone just died, you know? And he knows there’s an audience element to what he’s doing. 

I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s extremely wild that no one has been super concerned about Adaine’s jacket to this point. Like, I would have asked someone about it. Done some investigation. At the very least, used it more. But Adaine was basically like: Dope Jacket. +5 to Self Esteem. There’s potentially a whole plot alley we’re missing because no one’s asked the right (or any) questions.

Also wild that Gorgug can’t even look Zelda in the eye when he talks to her but he full on kissed Ragh on the lips to get him to stop beating him up. lol Imagine if he’d tried that when Fabian punched him in ep 1.

I wonder if the cast is gonna be in formal wear again next ep.

OK, I’ve gotten off topic. Back to how things were supposed to go/predictions.

I think the parents have to come into play somehow. Obvious Sklonda should be on her way and Gorthalax has shown up but Fig’s mom went off to presumably where the girls are and we need to find out how that goes. Less obviously, I think Adaine’s mom and Fabian’s are going to end up on the board. I dunno what Fabian’s mom is good for but her last appearance was her picking up a sword as Fabian rushed out which felt foreshadow-y. Anyway, if she can’t fight, she’s still rich. She can do something. And she’s a high elf so maybe she can help out smoothing things over with Falinel. Speaking of, there’s still a war on which Adaine’s family played a part in starting. If Adaine’s mom wants to follow up on her one hint that she’s not a total garbage person, now would be the time.

Adaine is the elven oracle. I feel like that has to be relevant to the fight somehow. Like, it would be weird it the only thing that played into was that she could pick up the book, right? (Unless there was gonna be a S2 where that would be explored. Sidenote, I am starting to feel like next season might be different characters, same setting. That’s still not my main theory, but we’re leaving a lot of story on the table potentially. Although I did see they might be doing a comic? Idk). Of all the knocked out people (minus Kristen who is about to avenging angel rise from the dead) Adaine is probably in the best position because she’s with Fabian who is the only conscious party member. So that’s good I guess. 

I just took a look at the prophecy and it has two parts. The first part says the things that need to happen before Kalvaxus can be released (K beholds his treasure, 7 maidens chained, war befalls the realm, king and queen crowned). All that happened. Kalvaxus was released. They can’t stop it at this point (barring time travel, which, to be fair, was mentioned earlier). The second part of the prophecy is the consequences: Kalvaxus will be released, his destruction will know no bounds, the sun shall fall from the Heavens, and the world as we know it shall perish forever. 

Two parts of that strike me as especially significant. There’s the sun falling from the Heavens part. That implies Sol, right? Especially with the capitalized “Heavens”. So that doesn’t sound good.

And the second part is “the world as we know it shall perish forever”. That doesn’t mean the world is going to end, necessarily. That means the world is going to CHANGE. Which makes me wonder if THAT is/was the planned endgame for the season. The bad kids fail to prevent the prophecy and things change in a drastic way which is why the setting for next season is super different. 

And, back to the party wipe, Brennan didn’t seem very fazed as the entire party was dropping like flies, but he was *shook* when Ally rolled that 20 at the end. Like, compare that to the ep where Siobhan said they jossed his plans or Lou’s awesome nat 20 to beat a nat 20. In the first case, he didn’t react at all. In the second case, he celebrated with everyone else. When Ally did it, he was sitting there slack jawed. The healer rezzing should be a best case scenario, right? It gives the rest of the party a fighting chance. And, clearly, it wasn’t what he was expected and he wasn’t excited. It makes me feel like he wanted a party wipe for some reason. 

Anyway, I’m sure I’m forgetting something but that’s what I got for now. 

[paw-patrol-kiddo]

2018 for my regressive side

Oh my gosh, we’re at the end of the year already! It went by sooooo fast!!! I’m a shook baby hee hee hee

Anyways, as some of y’all may remember, I did a post like this last year! Things have happened since then, things have changed-- and I wanna cover it all! I don’t think I’d call this the best year of my life (I say this because I’m not so sure about 2017 being the best year of my life anymore tbh), but it was still pretty dang good!!! Had its hard parts and such, bu otherwise, was a v good year!!!!

Y’all probs know the drill: I write mostly about my age regression adventures this year, with occasional bits of my Teenage Life(tm) sprinkled in here and there! I try to keep the latter to very important events, though (frankly, I think I have failed terribly at this, but do I care? At this point in my life, not really tbh), and mostly focus on regression when I can.

If you wanna do somethin like this for what this year held for your regressive side, feel free to!! I’d love if ya tagged me in it so I can read it!

Are we ready for the year review? I am and hope you are! It’s below the cut if ya wanna read it! Here we go!!!

January of course started off with my 16th birthday! It also marked five years (note: I miswrote this as either five or six in my first year review post! It’s actually been five, almost six years now) since I started liking diapies again, something that’s been a part of my life on-and-off since 2010 for sure, though I think I’ve liked them since at least 2008 according to my memories and the vibes I get from them!

“Chloe, why is this important?” You probably ask as you read that sentence.

Well, personally, I think it’s a huge part of what led me to begin age regressing! I started off liking diapies, then I started wondering about “being and acting like a baby/toddler again”, I started acting on some of the desires and urges I got as a result whenever I could, and well, it went on from there as we can see!

Towards the end of this month, I got some cool baby toys, more toddler snacks, and another pack of binkies! That was a pretty good-ish day from what I’m able to remember. c:

Oh yeah! I gots another rattle before then! She was one of the only good parts of a terrible day. I still love her so much.

This month, I also began seeing a friend irl again that I refer to here as friendo! We first met when we were 12, saw each other again twice when we were both 13, and then never met again... until back in 2017 at a Halloween event! For most of this year, we saw each other weekly, and I’m so happy to say that friendo is my best irl friend. He’s really an amazing guy. He doesn’t know it, but he’s helped me get through the rest of my depressive episode.

Yup, I said it. Remember when I said I thought the episode I had back in November last year was over and that I probably just cheated one and thus was irritable as a result? Hoo, buddy, I was so wrong... I was still depressed and had no idea and it blew up in my face. It was bad. I’m talking being hardly able to get my chores done, being able to get out of bed being a miraculous achievement, happiness being a rare feeling. 

It was so bad that my doctor told me if I kept having problems, we’d have to talk about “getting a mood stabilizer or anti-depressant on board”. 

Fortunately, it hasn’t reached that point, and things started getting gradually better when I finally admitted I was depressed and got help after things took a sharp turn for the worse briefly (my parents even let me take a few days off of my chores so I could focus on resting and recovery! They’re no strangers to depression themselves).

The only happy thing I can really note during this time involving regression is that I discovered one of the very few things that could make me feel happy that wasn’t involving my special interests: Wearing diapers. It’s kinda funny to me!  Depressed me was quick to figure out that was likely one of her best ways to cope. 

That event sucks because now whenever I start feeling sad for more than one day, well, as you can imagine I immediately begin worrying that it’s coming back for another round. Whenever I stop feeling as happy, I start observing myself more closely. The thought of it coming back actually scares me.

I know one thing for sure: If that beast comes back, I’m going to get myself medicated for it ASAP. I’d really rather not, but if it comes back, then I guess it’s safe to say that seeing as I’ve struggled with depression on-and-off since at least 2013, medication’s probably a good idea!

Man! How’s that for a ramble? Let’s move on and talk about February! My ex came back to me after he stopped talking to me in October. At first, I was so happy! I quickly began befriending him again, especially after I learned that his ex-girlfriend, whom he had just broke up with, was less-than-ideal towards him.

But then I discovered he wanted to get back with me and was actively trying to get me to. I was scared if I flat-out said “I do not want to get back with you. I want to just be friends”, he’d flip out in the bad way. Honestly, he probably would. So what did I do?

Did what I felt was best to do with the help of Mama.

Let’s just say we’re not friends anymore. :3c I still feel bad about it sometimes, but hey, I can write An Actual List of problems involving our relationship, romantic and otherwise, so I guess it’s valid to not be comfortable with being his friend anymore, especially since it’s clear he just wants me back with him, no matter how I feel. He still stares at me whenever we play baseball. It bothers me a lot. Hopefully, he’ll get over me soon.

On the more positive and regressive side of things, some cool things happened. Friendo also pretty much called me out about me being little a lot (even when I’m big!) and accepted it without realizing it. Some may say he didn’t, but I think he did and it means so much to me. Pretty sure I almost cried of joy when that happened. I think about it every now and then and love friendo a little more. He’s a keeper for sure when it comes to friends!

March was w i l d. First day into the month, I literally had one of my then-rare nonverbal episodes. I was worried that maybe I was beginning to become depressed again as I noticed I was beginning to feel more tired. As I know now, turns out it was just my autistic burnout kind of setting back in-- oh, and my anxiety beginning to reach the point where I couldn’t cope anymore. But I didn’t know this at the time.

I shrugged it off briefly-- until I had another episode while on voice-chat with friendo. And another one the next day while on a real life trip to a museum. And then another when Kim came to visit... The nonverbal episodes rapidly became a close-to-daily experience, sometimes totally daily. As I watched myself “regress” as my mom and aunt put it, I was confused and scared about what was happening to me. The confusion eased once I figured out it was burnout, but obviously the fear didn’t really.

I went off my ADHD medication I was taking at the time (Adderall) towards the end of the month. I still find it interesting that I couldn’t regress on it. I don’t quite know why! I just couldn’t.

I tried taking two other medications after, but they... didn’t quite work, at least in pleasant ways. I won’t go into detail on those!

Kiddo-wise, I got new window curtains for my room! They’re one of the first things I see every morning. It’s very nice~ One of the things that gives my room the kiddy vibe of it. Oh, and I got a Paw Patrol bowl this month, too! I love to eat Cheerios out of it~

Literally the last day of this month, guess what happened? Kim moved in! That was an awesome day~ It sucked seeing her cry, though (that part right there? A bit of a personal part that I suppose I won’t share since I’m not sure if she’d be okay with it or not)

April was a Nice Month! I finally started going to occupational therapy (I was originally going to start in May, but I got pushed forward a month) and I can say with confidence it’s helped me a lot in the time I got to go. My occupational therapist taught me a lil trick I can do before I actually try eating any foods I want to try and it’s made my life much easier. I can try all the kiddy foods I want now without feeling as anxious about it! :D Who would’ve known that I’d like peanut butter sandwiches and string cheese? I wouldn’t have! Also, the Wilbarger brush? A gift to mankind imo

What else happened this month? Let’s see here... I went on anxiety medication via suggestion of my therapist/psychologist (oh my gosh, life-changer right there friends, 10/10, I actually don’t know how I lived without it), watched my nonverbal episodes take a major decrease afterwards, and Mommy surprised me with a pack of diapies with tapes! I can definitely say I prefer diapies with tapes, but I’m not that picky. Actually, I kind of am. It depends on how old I’m regressing to. Then I’m kinda picky, heh heh

May tbh? A pretty quiet month. All I can note is that summer break started for Kai and I and we both got to actually take a full summer break without the usual math-work we have to do! (I’m dyscalculic and prone to what my mom and I call “math skill regression”, so that’s why I have to practice. Idk about Kai, but I think it’s because she seems to have some difficulties with math herself)

The day I was told about our Complete Summer Break(tm), man, I flipped! I told myself I would make this summer the littlest one ever! Did I succeed? Sadly, no. But hey, there’s always next summer! And the next one if that doesn’t work out...

June was super-duper cool! I got a new bed to replace my queen-sized one and I managed to get a complete Paw Patrol bed set for it! I love my bed so much~ It’s so cute and Literally Perfect, especially when we consider the fact that I also have a weighted blanket with Elsa and Anna from Frozen on it! (I’ve actually had it for about two years now, but it’s not shown in the photo-set in the link!) Oh, and let’s not forget the Pillow Pet I’ve used as my main pillow since I first received it back in 2010! (That’s not in the photo-set either!)

The day after I got my new bed? Baseball ended for the summer. I knew what to do the first Saturday of no baseball. Funny enough, as if she read my mind, Mama surprised me with some Paw Patrol bandages that day! They always cheer me up whenever I get a boo-boo :3c

Towards the end of this month, I celebrated this blog’s one year anniversary! I am seriously so glad I made this blog. If I hadn’t, I can’t imagine what my life would be like, where I’d still be hiding this from A LOT of people, where I likely wouldn’t have met and become friends with quite a bit of y’all, where I wouldn’t have become more comfortable with myself. I’m sure I’d be very unhappy and feeling so trapped and lonely involving this. Otherwise... I simply can’t imagine what my life would be like otherwise.

As if I observed this day without thinking, I went to the Dollar Store pretty much next to Easter Seals (where I went for occupational therapy) place and had quite the shopping trip! That was fun~

July was a pretty nice month, I suppose! Early this month marked one year since I first wore a diaper for the first time since my first childhood! I just had to observe it in a specific way (aka wearing a diaper), only the day before the actual anniversary itself. Funny enough, Kim’s cat ended up coming to live with us that day! Her name is Rogue and she's really cute! She can be really mean sometimes, though. She ended up having kittens later this month~

Another regression-related thing that happened was that while we were on vacation, I got some cool toys! I got a train with lil block things on it, three stacking cars, a pink spiky ball, and two teddy rattles! I... still need to post pictures of those, apparently. I also got a dinoroar plushie that I named Jackson! He’s one of my favorite plushies and I love him a lot. I should post a piccy of him on here sometime!

Something else that happened on vacation was that I went nonverbal the second day of being there. Everyone, including me, was chill since it was normal by then. I went to bed that night and woke up the next morning, only to find I was still nonverbal. Talk about quite a shock for everyone! (I normally stop being nonverbal once I sleep, so this was really weird for me)

I ended up spending the rest of the vacation nonverbal, which I was pretty chill with, save for some problems communicating in a hot-tub without my tablet (Kim had a hard time keeping up with what I signed). 

The day after we got home, back came my verbal skills. Five days later? If I’ve got my memory of what day correct, I heard Dad coming home from where he volunteers occasionally and suddenly got the paralyzing feeling in my throat I usually get just before I go nonverbal. In around ten minutes, I was nonverbal, but for seemingly no reason. 

Save for two or so brief breakthroughs, I spent quite a while without mouth-words. My family and therapist and I have figured out what the cause is likely since then. (It’s quite long... I actually had the explanation here, but removed it cause it was Way Too Long. If anyone’s curious, I’m okay with talking about it if anyone wants to message me n ask about it~)

August isn’t very exciting! 

Non-kiddo wise, I got my IPad to use as an AAC device! I use Proloquo2go on it if anyone’s curious. I honestly love it a lot.

Kiddo-wise, the only thing I can really note is that I... kinda started sucking my thumb again. Oops :3c Kim’s made me mostly stop though, by kind of using consequences for me if I didn’t stop and get my chew necklace I like to suck on (One big example I can think of: “Go get your necklace or we won’t cuddle anymore.”). She even had Kai take over redirecting me when she left for Texas the next month! It’s not fun, but I guess I don’t need to risk making my already severe overbite worse.

September didn’t have a lot either! The only thing I can think of noting is that I tried some Paw Patrol mac n cheese. Either the two or so brands I’ve tried weren’t that good or I just don’t like mac n cheese! Who knows? I’m probably gonna try Kidfresh’s mac n cheese if I can actually find it irl and if I don’t like it, I think we can safely conclude that I just don’t like mac n cheese.

October was a v nice month as semi-usual the past couple years! I finally got some Kidfresh food to try out. I like their super-blastin’ triple cheese pizza bites a lot! I don’t like their chicken meatballs, though. I have quite a bit of foods I wanna try from Kidfresh next and I can’t quite decide which, but I’ll probably try their cheese pizza or chicken nuggets or maybe their fish sticks next!

I also went trick-or-treating for Halloween! it was super fun, except when Kai got upset about being treated Not So Great by others (Example: People loved to give kiddos multiple pieces of candy and just give her one piece when her turn came, despite having lots of candy for everyone... Can confirm this myself) and when I used my IPad to say trick-or-treat for the first time there, I was greeted by the lady turning away from me, apparently no longer paying attention to me, and beginning to go on about “kids playing on their phones and tablets”... How’s that for hurtful? Last time I checked, Halloween was for everyone, no matter how they say trick-or-treat.

In case anyone’s wondering, I’m going trick-or-treating again next year and have no plans to stop ever cause I’m stubborn. :3c I’m just going to find a place that will be cool with people “too old to be trick-or-treating” trick-or-treating to take my trick-or-treating business-- and hey, maybe I won’t have to encounter any ableism there!

November has nothing I can note besides me getting a new pair of overalls! This was not only useful seeing as I might be getting close to outgrowing my first pair I got a few years back, but also welcome! It’s nice having overalls that are blue instead of some green country print thing all over.

December was... an adventure! I slowly began regaining my mouth words, which means that I can babble again (A lot of the sounds I make while babbling are apparently inaccessible to me when I’m nonverbal as I’ve discovered)! It’s nice being able to babble to myself again when I’m very small instead of just staying silent and occasionally giggling, squealing, and perhaps vocal stimming in the way I’m able to when I’m nonverbal.

At Walmart, while shopping for some fellow kiddo friends (y’all know who y’all are, hee hee hee~), I ended up picking up some small stuff for myself! I got another Paw Patrol plate, a set of bath toys, and a doggie and piggy rattle! I’ve posted a piccy of the plate already, but not everything else! Guess that’s some of the stuff I need to do for next year~

Christmas was great! I got lots of toys! I also got quite a bit of Paw Patrol merch! I love my new toys so much. I’m especially glad that I finally have more blocks to play with, and another Mr. Potato Head I can make super great creations with, like monsters n aliens disguised as a repairman!

Oh! I also got a Fisher-Price record player toy after wanting it for so long! I love it soooo much!! Whenever I play with it, I get so flappy n clappy n wiggly n vocal stimmy... I just have so much love for it! It’s definitely one of my favorite toys to play with right now.

I also got a 3D model of the solar system that I’m gonna build n hang up in my room sometime soon! I actually had a 3D model of the solar system in one of my kiddo room fantasies for the longest time omg. Oooh, if I can find a way to get rid of the popcorn ceiling (never put glow-in-the-dark stuff on a popcorn ceiling), I bet it would go so good with another glow-in-the-dark star set that also includes a big 3D moon and 6 meteorite stones! Y’all, my room just gets cuter and more kiddie-like as time goes on...

As we can all see, I’ve had quite the year! It’s had its good and bad parts of course, and I’d say overall, it was a pretty good year! Hmm, you know what? I should list some people who have played a role in making this year Great!

Mommy - Mama, I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am for all you’ve done for me. The past year you’ve taken me to therapy appointments, held me and bottlefed me, and helped me finally get occupational therapy after wanting to go for 3 years. You’re such a beautiful person, inside and out. You love me for who I am, and I love you for who you are right back <3

Daddy - I didn’t list you last year, but to be honest, I think I should this year! You’re trying your best and I can appreciate that. From taking me to therapy appointments, to being okay with me using bottles and sippy cups, to getting me that Paw Patrol nightlight back in May if I’m correct, you’ve done a lot for me. You’re a good dad. I need to tell you that more often. I love you Daddy.

Kai - You’re such a good sister I can’t even begin-- You’re just? so accepting of me??? and you’re such a good person???? I’m love you????? Seriously, thank you for being there for me pretty much all our lives and taking care of me whenever I needed it, especially early this year during my depressive episode. Love ya sis <3

Kim - I, umm... I love you!! You’re so sweet, gentle, and you’re so accepting of my age regression (or as you call it, “identifying as a 7-year-old”). I had lots of fun browsing the toy aisle with you that one time! I’ve miss you lots since you decided to stay in Texas back in October, but hey, at least you’ll visit us sometimes! And you’ve got a nice man I actually like to live your life with. Love ya sissy <3

Ray - You’re super cool and adorable~ (Random fun fact: I tend to think of you whenever I read- or hear- the word “Ray”) Also, I still love that mood board ya made me back in 2017. I’m never gonna get over it! Hope you’re doing alright, buddy <3

Cass - It’s been even longer since we talked! You haven’t been on Tumblr in a while it seems, actually. I hope you’re doing okay and that you’re just busy (in a good way, preferably) and that’s why you haven’t been online! You’re so cute and sweet. Whenever I can, you know what I’m gonna do? Take a picture of my bumblebee plushie and send it to you, just for you <3

Leah - Oh goodness, you’re someone else who I haven’t talked to in a while, as well as who seems to not have been as active as of late. I hope you’re doing okay! I can’t thank you enough for the times you checked on me when I wasn’t okay. You are... so sweet I literally can’t

Meena - You are literally... so cute! You’re super sweet, too! I always have lots n lots of fun whenever we video-chat n talk together! You n Iku are actually the first people whom I met on Tumblr I’ve gotten to video-chat with! Also, your cats are so pure n good I can’t. Please pet them for me if you can! (I love both you and Iku so much)

All my followers - Whether or not we’ve talked before, I love and appreciate all of my followers! According to my Totally Professional Research(tm), I have discovered a link between my followers and cuteness! I have lots of love for each and every one of y’all. Thanks for following me~

2018 has proven to be quite the adventure full of different discoveries, like that I’m very good at horse-riding, that I can spend at least an hour playing with my rattles and other baby toys if I want to, that I apparently have IBS... It’s been quite the ride!

This year has also proven to be the year of growth for me. I’m beginning to stand up for myself and my needs more often, I’ve become more proud of who I am, and each day that passes, I love myself more and continue to become less afraid to be who I truly am.

I can’t wait to see what next year will bring, and what kind of person I’ll become as time goes on. I’m sure my evolution of who I am as a person isn’t quite finished yet. Whatever I become, it’s bound to be wonderful. And most importantly, I get to enter next year with each and every one of y’all.

From my plushies, plush rattles, and I, happy, happy new year! May you learn to love yourself if you haven’t quite yet, your babas/sippies/kiddo cups always remain full of your favorite kiddo drink, and you always have lots of your favorite kiddy/baby things, whether it’s toys, diapies, binkies, or baby food n toddler snacks! 

As always, remember to stay little/tiny/small.

[lonley-artist-who-likes-mc]

Roceit Oneshot!

Just a small warning, i don’t know how good this will be and knowing my luck its gonna be horrible oops. I might turn this into a story someday but idk. For now, here it is! I hope Its decent Warnings; Not much~Crying/heartbreak, cursing I think, lying(obviously)

If there are any more warning I should add just tell me and ill add them

{3rd Person}

Obviously, trying to convince Virgil to get on his side was proving to be difficult and almost impossible. Deceit was fearing that he wouldn't be able to get anyone, that is until the Crofters Musical. He saw how vulnerable Roman actually was, despite his facade Roman puts on, and his whole plan got shifted.

Yes, Deceit would prefer Virgil, but he did see some perks with Roman. Roman was able to conjure up anything he’d like, he is able to put up a great fight, and has great influence over Thomas. All Deceit needs to do is give Roman appreciation and show him he ‘cares’ for him and just wants him to give the recognition he ‘deserves’ and he’ll have him wrapped around his little finger.

Now all he has to do, is make sure the others don’t get in the way, to talk Roman out of this. Oh and did he have the perfect plan, it would be very much lying but it’ll be fun, for Deceit at least.

{Deceit’s POV}

Now, I know lying is bad and whatever, but it's just so FUN, it fills me with joy, and I needed to do it in order to activate my plan. That is, after step one. Which was stealing poor Virgil’s hoodie and hiding it in the forest of the imagination. Now for step two, contact Patton and Logan to get them to think Virgil’s in danger, perfect~

First I went to Patton, him being the most gullible of course. I put on fake panic and knocked rapidly, then he answered, looking concerned, he always tried to see ‘good’ in me, so this’ll be to my advantage.

“Pa..Patton! I was..I was just trying to Tease Virgil by running into the woods with his hoodie...I was gonna give it back I swear! But..but he got trapped..and attacked! He..he needs help! I got Roman..I got him, you just need..need to get Logan please! I didn't mean any of this!” I put on a slight pant to show I ran here, and the most worried and guilty eyes I can manage, even did a few tears, of I'm so good at this.

Patton of course took the bait, thinking his ‘dark strange son’ was in trouble. He hugged me and told me it was going to be alright then ran to Logan's room across the hall, briefly telling him what I had. I saw the panic set into him, oh this is just perfect. I watch as they both sprint away and I chuckle lowly. Step two, Complete! Now for the Third and possible last Step if this goes well.

Getting up from the spot I had ‘collapsed’ on, I brushed off the dust and dirt and strode down the hall calmly, letting a smirk rest on my face, cause I knew my plan was going just the way I wanted it to. I soon stopped at the royal’s door and fixed my hat, this’ll be easy. Knocking I patiently waited until the prince opened the door. Once I’m met with a confused look and a soft whisper of my name. I gently took his hand and kissed it, I could visibly see him blush.

“Hello my dear Prince Charming” I spoke softly, but loud enough for him to hear, looking up at him,he was already falling into my grasp, this is to easy”May I come in, my lovely Prince?” I asked oh so flirtatiously, he was a quick one to let me in. I strode into his room, him closing the door behind me and walked closer.

“This, is a very lovely surprise Deceit, but what are you doing here?” he asked me confused, I smirked and went behind him. I held both of his shoulders and leaned in, whispering into his ear.

“I'm just trying to give you the love you deserve my lovely Prince. The others don’t give you enough, always treating you wrong, pushing you aside for being too dramatic. They aren't giving you the recognition you deserve. They don’t appreciate you, but I do, Roman, I’ll make you feel like a king” I gently rub his shoulders to give what I said extra effect and wait for my words to set in, unlike Virgil, he didn't flat out deny those words, looks to me Roman is actually considering them!

“D..Deceit..” he whispers, obviously at a loss of words, I have him already. He’s mine. I gently wrap my arms around his waist and gently set my chin on his shoulder, looking at his forming blush.

“I hate to be the one to tell the truth,Ii mean I'm the one who’s supposed to lie. But I could obviously give you more recognition, I could give you love. All they see you as is your prince like nature, your the romance and love. They don't see you for your full self. You’re CREATIVITY, not just love. And I’ll make sure you're heard, I’ll make you feel wanted and not ignored like the rest,” I lean closer to his ear, whispering,”Just trust me, let me give you what you want.”

I hear his breath hitch and I smirk, slowly pulling away from Roman and taking a step back, watching what he does, waiting for what I know is about to happen. He turns to me, a hint of love and determination in his eyes. He takes a step closer.

“Take me, Deceit. Please, if you're really going to do all that stuff you said you were, prove it, show me please.” Bulls-eye, I got him. I hum and walked around him for a moment, looking him up and down.

“I will gladly do that, I just have to take you somewhere you’ve never been-” Before I could even finish my sentence before Roman was holding my shoulders, looking slightly up at me, since I was a bit taller than he was.

“Shut up and just take me,” he said with dominance, making me smirk and grab his hips.

“If you wish, my prince,” I held his hand and left his room, heading down the hall, past Virgil’s room and down the dark hall, it barely being lit.

We get to a section of the hall with one section fully lit and my door there, I turned to Roman, watching his slightly nervous but determined expression.

“Ready for a transformation my Prince~?” Roman looked at me, we locked eyes for a moment.

“Yes” was all he said.

{Virgil’s POV}

After that fateful day were Deceit through my hoodie into the lake, and Patton and Logan running to me in a panic, after a lie deceit told them, we haven't seen Roman since. We were honestly scared what happened to him. We all realized what Deceit’s intentions were by now, to get Roman, but we still don't know why, and it scares all of us.

One day, the three of us were heading to the commons, but, it was completely different. Everything was pushed to the side of the walls, the kitchen boarded up, and two people in the middle on a throne..

I stared in shock at the two people. Deceit cheekily sat in the throne, staring right back at us, one hand on Roman’s hip who was sitting in his lap. And Roman looked completely different..His normal white he wore was black, but the gold stayed, he was also wearing a black and gold crown, arms around Deceits neck, looking content and happy.

“Roman?” Patton spoke up, sounding just as shocked as all of us feel. He only looked over and rose an eyebrow, not moving from his spot. Deceit let out a chuckle, shaking his head.

“Roman, what are you doing?” Logan spoke up this time, taking a step forward as Patton wrapped an arm around me.I felt my heart aching. Patton hugged me, he knew about my slight crush on the fanciful trait, but seeing this..Oh god.

Roman huffed and rolled his eyes, not moving from his spot, just slightly glaring to say ‘oh, you don’t know’? Of course we didn't know!

“Roman please, we’ve been looking for you for a full week now, what… What's going on?” Patton’s voice rang out next to me, I just watched as the two on the throne chuckled at us. Roman nuzzling Deceit’s neck and whispering something to him, making me sick to my stomach. Soon Deceit spoke up.

“He’s been with me of course. I’ve been showering him with love, showing him how important creativity is, and how he’s not just the romance and love, he truly is creativity” he looks Roman in the eyes and strokes his cheek as he finished his sentence, making me bare my teeth, my blood boiling. Roman spoke up, surprising us.

“Dee has been treating me so well~ Been treating me like his queen, why did you guys ever think he was bad, he’s such a love bug!” I clench my fist, not even realizing but I was almost yelling.

“Are you an idiot! He’s just pretending to love you! So he can use you and your power! He doesn't really care, once he’s done with you he’ll just toss you out like you're a piece of trash!” I should know this, it's happened with me, I don’t want it to happen to Roman. Everyone stares at me, shocked. Roman stood up angrily but Deceit held roman’s hand, coaxing him back into his lap.

“Yes, that is how I treated you,” Deceit spat out, me and him having a stare down,” My original plan was to fo that with Roman, but after just one day, against everything I thought, I fell for this lovely trait. And that love, the first time I felt true love, fueled me. And I couldn't hurt my queen, I’ll never dream of it.” Roman let out a giggle and kissed Deceit’s cheek. If it weren't for the circumstances, they’d be a cute couple..

“Virgil,” Roman’s voice came out, we lock eyes,” I'm sorry it had to be this way, I did like you, I had a crush on you in fact. But, Deceit came in and swooped me off my feet. You should have acted sooner,” I stared, wide eyes as I felt my breathing get caught in my throat, my heart beginning to ache. Next thing I knew I was in my room with someone loudly knocking and yelling out my name at my door as I hid under my covers on my bed and sobbed my heart out.

{Third Person}

Logan watched as Virgil ran away, Patton soon following him. He looks back at the two traits in front of him, who were whispering sweet nothings to each other. He, just couldn't believe any of this, even the logical trait couldn't understand how this could happen, how easily Deceit had Roman around his finger. Had they really fallen in love? Or was it for show?

Meanwhile, Deceit and Roman continued to love each other. Believe it or not, Deceit truly did fall for Roman, and Roman fell for Deceit, though they could and would be a mischievous couple, they were obviously happy with each other.

But what’ll happen why Thomas finds out about them? How awkward will it be to make videos? Let’s just say It’s about to get crazy. Not only for the sides, but for Thomas as well.

[asthmaqueeneddie]

Can you do some hc's for when Bill's stutter gets really bad (like after they defeat Pennywise), and the others just try and get him out of his funk, or something like that?

well okay i’m a tinY bit confused because to my knowledge (which albeit is very limited) you can’t really talk someone out of a stutter?i don’t think? like if it’s a psychological problem?? but i think i might have an idea of what you meant so i’m kinda gonna wing it a little bit, if it isn’t what you had in mind feel free to tell me !! also sorry this is so late ugh i hate myself

-fighting a demonic entity that has taken the form of a scary clown can really do a number on you. it was safe to say that the losers’ were traumatized for a long while after the last encounter. 

-everyone had their own little things’ stan’s ocd got really bad, richie had severe anxiety, bev had intense panic attacks a night, mike was really freaking angry, eddie kind of couped himself up inside for a lot of the summer, and ben just kinda cried a lot. but for bill it was different

-he’d had the stutter for awhile y’know? it’s always just been a stupid speech impediment that got in the way during class presentations or important dramatic monologues

-but after losing georgie it got incrementally worse. every day that went on where there was no sign of him, every time the phone rang but it was never the call they’d been waiting for, the stutter got worse. at one point, before the losers’ had put all the puzzle pieces together, he had tried to just stop talking altogether. but big bill has too many thoughts and ideas to keep to himself so that didn’t last long

-fighting pennywise was a strange experience for bill, and not just for the obvious reasons. he felt empowered, he was avenging his dead brother, destroying the thing that killed him. and after he was gone, bill knew he’d be able to get some sleep. at least for a little bit.

-but i think that somewhere in the back of his mind he still felt like the whole thing was unresolved. why was that thing in derry in the first place? what brought it there? and why dear god did it have to be georgie? and for the rest of the summer bill tried to speak as little as possible

-the stuttering became so bad that even eddie, bill’s best friend since diapers, couldn’t decipher what he was saying

-and it pissed bill off because he knows what he’s trying to say, he can hear the voice in his head saying the words perfectly he just can’t get them out. and it frustrated him to the point of tears

-so eddie came up with this idea and he didn’t know how well received it would be but he had to take a chance because it was bill’s wellbeing that was at stake. eddie got the gang together and they had a little meeting, sans bill

-and eddie’s like “okay listen we all love bill right? we can all agree that we’d crash and burn without him? right okay so right now he’s having a rough time. he’s stuttering himself into oblivion and if we don’t make him feel even the tiniest bit better, we’re gonna lose him.”

-even richie, ADHD Queen, was paying full attention. everybody loves bill. 

-so they come up with this plan. they all meet at ben’s house one day. stan almost has to physically drag bill out of his house. he’s been doing that a lot, sleeping in. real late too. stan gets him up and sort of dressed and wheels him off to ben’s

-bill’s confused as all hell when he enters ben’s to see everybody sitting there, staring at him. at first he thinks it’s an intervention but he hasn’t been doing anything wrong. the fact that not even trashmouth had as much as a “hello” for him meant something was off

-they’re freaking communicating with whiteboards. such losers. they all write out little individual greetings to bill and mike writes out “you don’t need to worry about talking around us anymore. we got it covered." 

-idk does that make sense? it’s lame like bill’s having PTSD and his speech impediment is worsening so the losers’ decide to throw a dry-erase party?? idk just go with it 

-they all just write stupid jokes and doodles all over the boards and frantically wipe away previous thoughts so they can chime into the conversation before someone changes the subject

-oh god it’s like a groupchat what am i doing i’m so tired

here you go friend! another bad one! 

[dvddggs]

To the Four of Us (Part Twenty One)

premise: modern AU chronicling the squad as they make their way through college and deal with general life things. soundtrack song: You and Me - Lifehouse full soundtrack: x words: 2,825 warnings: swears  a/n: i lov u all so here’s a nice happy fluffy christmas chapter :-)

all chapters: x

tags: @heythereitsloey​ @anitheunicorn​ @newyorkyoucanbeanew​ @lafbagxette​ @justafangirlwithanavy​ @iamgrayfox​ @ordinaryornate​ @schuylerjoon​ @angelica-peggy-eliza​ @trashyperson101​ @crazydragon15​ @but-if-you-had-to-choose​ @geespilots​ @marvelous-hamilfan​ @5p00kygh05t @panda-powers​ @and-maria @lafeyettegunsandships​ @schokoobananaa​ @allthegoodurlshavebeentaken​ @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships​ @aham-threw-his-shot-away​ @hesitantcat​ @nonstopspook​ @hamrevolution​ @writethewayout​ @passmethegoddamnball​ @allthegoodurlshavebeentaken​ @sun-tree​ @angelizaandpeggy​ @isis278​ @idk-destiel @engulfedinstars​

dedication: @l0vedoesntdiscriminate for the soundtrack rec and also everyone who sent me a kind message when i posted my lil coming out thing earlier tonight, u all made me V happy!!!!! :-))

“ALEX! JOHN! Santa came last night!”

John awoke with a start when Alexander’s bedroom door slammed open. When he registered that George had burst in grinning, he yanked the covers up to his chin and jumped away from Alexander, trying to hide the fact that neither of them were wearing a stitch of clothing. The pyjamas—a sweet gesture—had admittedly not served their purpose very long once they were in the comfort and privacy of Alexander's queen-sized bed with inviting flannel sheets.

Alexander, in comparison, was less than graceful at the sight of his father. His bare chest was exposed and at some point he’d kicked out one of his extremely pale, extremely bare legs, so it was displayed overtop of the covers.

“Dad, seriously?” Alexander sighed. George threw his hands in the air and backed out of the room in exasperation.

“Sorry! Sorry! Not like I’m shocked or anything, though…seriously. I mean, at least y’all aren’t in a goddamn hospital this time,” he muttered, closing the door behind him.

“Nice start to the day,” said John, amused now that his boyfriend’s father wasn’t looking at him naked.

“Sorry,” Alexander laughed. “He means well, I swear…hey—merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Lex.”

They dressed quickly and went downstairs to find George pouring out three mugs of coffee. John knew that the gesture was small; George probably didn't even give it a second thought. But still, he felt himself wanting to cry when he saw the third mug sitting on the counter. It was innocent, lifeless, unimportant. But it was his mug. It looked old and didn’t match with the other two; it was obviously rarely used. But today, it was his. And that was so important to him.

John stayed quiet while they all drank their coffee, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes as they sat around the kitchen table. He found himself subconsciously trying to stay small and as non-intrusive as possible—it was, after all, George and Alexander's Christmas. He didn't want to make anything feel different or out of place for them.

"Do y'all wanna open gifts?" George smiled, standing up and putting his empty coffee mug in the sink.

"Be right back!” John replied, standing up quickly and hopping into Alexander's room.

He opened his suitcase and pulled out a plastic shopping bag which read, "Thanks for visiting!" on it. Before John had boarded the train in South Carolina, he'd rushed into the gift shop and picked up a touristy bottle opener and a six-pack of beer, thinking vaguely of Alexander and George.

Descending the stairs, he saw his hosts waiting for him, curious smiles planted on their faces. Suddenly, John felt very nervous to hand them his cheap and pathetic token of gratitude. Somehow, the two people standing at the bottom of the stairs had become two of the only people that John could rely on. And his repayment was cheap beer and a plastic turtle-shaped bottle opener that said “Myrtle Beach” on it. If that wasn’t indicative of John’s hopelessness, he didn’t know what was.

“I—uh—got you this,” he mumbled, shoving the beer bottles in George’s surprised hands. Tossing Alexander the bottle opener, John shrugged and looked at the floor. “I’m sorry it’s not much…it was kinda short notice, ya know?”

Alexander grinned and turned the turtle over in his hands. “This is so cute. Look, Dad! I’m gonna call him Laurens.”

John raised an eyebrow in befuddled amusement—Alexander looked genuinely pleased with the shitty gift. He turned to George, who was reading the label on the back of one of the bottles.

“Thank you, John,” he said seriously. “I got wine for tonight, but I totally forgot to get beer. This is perfect.”

John bit his lip and locked eyes with George, who gave him a small smile and a nod. There was a lot of understanding in that militant nod—like he was reassuring a troop after a rough night that it had all been worth it. A job well done.

Spinning around, George padded over to the tree and picked up a stocking to hand to John, as well as passing Alexander his.

“Well,” he said. “Get opening! We don’t have all day! Knowing Aaorn, he could be here any minute.”

Alexander laughed—his father had a point. He and John sat down on the couch while George popped in a Christmas CD, lit the fireplace, and sat down across from them. John was grinning like a fool—he could feel his cheeks aching, but he couldn’t stop. He’d never opened a stocking before, but he always been excited by the concept—a giant sock filled with necessities like razors, deodorant, and pens—every college kid’s dream.

He all but tore it open, earning bemused glances from Alexander each time he gasped excitedly at something he pulled out. How Alexander’s father had managed to put an entire stocking together for him, he had no idea, but he was eternally grateful nonetheless. When he reached the bottom, he pulled out a forest green fleece pullover that had been ungracefully rolled into a messy ball.

“Alex told me you constantly reject the idea of buying a sweater,” George chuckled.

“He does!” Alexander piped up. “Says he refuses to succumb to the cold, or something like that.”

John beamed, imagining Alexander FaceTiming George and talking fondly about his idiotic warmth complex.

“If I buy a sweater,” John began, “then the cold has beaten me. I think this is a good compromise, though. Thank you!”

George laughed as Alexander kissed him on the cheek. John unrolled the sweater-ball and pulled it on over top of the old t-shirt he’d been wearing. He would have taken his shirt off and swapped the articles of clothing, but the last thing he wanted was the “you’re-both-way-too-comfortable-with-shirtless-John-so-obviously-you’re-fucking” look from Alexander’s dad. So he opted for bunchy layers.

“There are a couple more things for Alex to open, John—I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

John cut George off before he could even begin to think about what he was about to say.

“Please, don’t feel bad! This is your family Christmas. I’m perfectly content to watch y’all open up your gifts and pet my new sweater. Seriously, you’ve already done more than enough—Mr. Washington…Sir.”

“Ew,” Alexander exclaimed. “Don’t call my dad ‘sir!’ It’s just George. Or Papa George…or Dad. Right, Dad?”

George chuckled, crossing the room to hand Alexander a small package (which turned out to be a badly-wrapped pair of jeans).

“Call me whatever you want, John. I stopped being called ‘sir’ years ago.”

“Sir…” Alexander scoffed, holding up the jeans to test out the length against his legs.

“Fine,” John crooned to Alex when George got up to check on the breakfast. “I’ll just stick to calling you ‘sir’ in bed. How’s that?”

Alexander’s eyes grew wide as he sat back down. John smirked—he knew exactly why his boyfriend was holding the jeans tightly in his lap instead of adding them to his little gift pile.

“I heard that,” George muttered wearily over his shoulder.

John hid his very-red, very-warm face in his hands as Alexander doubled over, cackling.

It was a good morning.

George’s prediction had been almost right—Aaron showed up less than two hours later with the promise that his family would be there by three.

“Sorry I’m late,” he’d announced when George answered the door. No matter how many times they’d told Aaron that he didn’t have to knock, he insisted. They gave up years ago.

When he got there, Alexander and John were intertwined on the carpet in front of the fireplace, huddled around their phones. They were deep in the throes of their group chat, giggling at a message they’d just received. Aaron smiled and sat down to talk to George, leaving Alexander to live in his little John bubble awhile longer.

“How is he today?” Aaron murmured, glancing at John. “He was a mess the other night. I mean, a mess. He didn’t speak once.”

George nodded absently, watching his son and his boyfriend as they snorted at something on the screen. “He seems totally fine…which kinda worries me. I barely even know what happened.”

“I don’t even think John barely knows what happened,” Aaron replied.

“Dad,” Alexander called. “What time is it in France right now?”

“Around six, I think,” George called, counting forward in his head. “Why?”

“We might Skype with Laf later. Didn’t wanna call if he’s eating dinner.”

“Oh, please,” John scoffed. “He’s probably on his seventh glass of wine by now, eating cheese dipped in cheese fondue. There’s no way he’s eating dinner yet. He once told me that he doesn’t eat dinner till ten o’clock at night.”

Alexander laughed and rolled his eyes, sending a message to their friends.

Alex: Laf, John thinks you’re eating cheese dipped in cheese fondue

…

Laf: He’s only half-wrong.

Lafayette sent a selfie of him holding a piece of cheese in between two fingers, a glass of red wine balanced dangerously in the same hand.

Herc: god, I miss you…

John: THAT’S DISGUSTING, STOPPPP

Laf: Oh, shut your cheese-hole, John. At least you and Alex get to hang out on Christmas. I’m ACROSS THE GODDAMN SEA. My poor Herc, I will see you soon, my love

Alexander sent the barfing emoji then clicked his phone off and stood up to say hello to Aaron.

“So who’s all coming tonight?” John asked, eyeing the enormous turkey that George was preparing for the oven.

George, Alexander, and Aaron exchanged a bemused glance, then all burst out laughing.

“Everyone,” Alexander said.

He wasn’t wrong. By four, the modest house was full to bursting with people. John lost Alexander in the sea of people numerous times, but found him hiding from Charles in the bathroom more than once.

“He’s exhausting,” Alexander said dramatically.

“I mean…he’s not that bad,” John replied slowly.

Alexander and Aaron glared at him as if he’d just drowned each of their firstborns.

“He is that bad,” Aaron said. “He makes me wanna sleep for ten years.”

“Lex?” came a voice from the hallway.

“Charles,” Alexander and Aaron snarled at the same time.

Luckily, it was fairly easy to avoid Charles and other uncomfortable situations, such as the questions about who John was and where the hell he came from, because it was just so busy in the house. Every once in awhile George would ask for Alexander’s help with dinner, and it would telephone through the crowd until he got the message. He pulled John through the people—stopped for hugs and kisses and “how’s school!”s on the way—and breathed a sigh of relief when he stepped into the roomy kitchen.

“Can you mash the potatoes?” George asked, wiping off the sweat that was beading on his forehead as he opened the oven to check the turkey. “About twenty more minutes.”

John pulled out his phone, which had just vibrated, and read the message which lit the screen.

Laf: still want to facetime? My family is gone. It’s midnight here.

John: Give me two minutes.

“Lex, while you do this is it alright if I go FaceTime with Laf for a few minutes before dinner? You can come get me when it’s ready…it’s just that I don’t really know anyone…”

“Yeah, of course! Tell him I said hi.”

John took off for Alexander’s room, keeping his head down until he got upstairs where it was mercifully quiet and he could hear himself thinking. As he passed down the hallway, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

He looked tired. The bags under his eyes were so dark that they looked like bruises, and his bun had scraggly hairs sticking out at every angle. His jeans had a rip in one knee, but they’d been the only ones he could find when he rushed to leave his house the other day…

The other day. When John thought about it, he had no idea how he was holding himself up on his own two feet, because surely he should have been unable to move. He should have been paralyzed with worry and fear and anxiety. But he was fine. Was he? And if so, how? What was it that was holding him together?

As he scanned his reflection, the pullover that he still wore brought him back to the present. That’s what was holding him together. The sweater, the house, the stocking, the dinner, everything. All of this. He was a shattered piece of pottery, held together by Alexander, who taped him and patched him up until he was alright again. Not better, but alright.

John’s thoughts were interrupted by his ringtone, which told him that Laf was calling.

“Hey,” John smiled, watching his best friend tug his hair out of its ponytail. It poofed out in all directions, which made John laugh.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS,” Laf yelled excitedly. “Are you having a good day? Hey—are you wearing a sweater?”

John told Laf about his Christmas morning, including the sweater, and then listened to Laf’s Christmas adventures (which concluded with a crate of empty wine bottles). He was still a bit buzzed from what John could tell.

“I’m happy you’re with Alex,” Lafayette said with a small smile. “I hated the thought of you home alone with that—that asshole you call a father. I hate to ask, mon ami, and ruin your mood, but what are you going to do? I mean—are you going to be able to come back to school?”

John hadn’t thought about that—his father had broken multiple ribs, his brother was surely headed back home, and his father would obviously be facing countless dollars worth of charges, if not a lawsuit from the family of the poor girl who was killed. And that was before they even began to think about hospital bills.

“Oh my god,” John whispered. “What the fuck am I going to do?”

He felt his heart rate quicken significantly as he watched Laf’s eyes widen frantically through the screen. “John, I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Shit. Are you okay? Don’t worry about that right now, I—Alex? Alex! Help your boy!”

Alexander had gone upstairs just in time to hear Laf say those fateful words to John, so he burst into the room to save the day. He took John’s phone from his now-shaking hands and sat him down on the bed, shooting Lafayette a glare through the phone screen.

“John,” Alexander said firmly. “John. It’s okay. It’s okay. None of this is your fault and you’re not going to have to deal with it, okay? If you don’t want this to be your problem, it doesn’t have to be your problem. Got it? If you want to be, you’re free.”

John took a deep breath and looked into Alexander’s wide, caring eyes. He nodded, feeling a bit more calm.

“Sorry,” Lafayette began before Alexander cut him off.

“I thought we had today, Laf?”

“Well, heh, it’s technically December 26th for me…”

His voice faded into silence at Alexander’s glare.

“Enjoy your dinner,” he said quickly before hitting the end button and disconnecting the video call.

Alexander couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle at their friend. He was an absolute whirlwind sometimes. He looked over at John, who seemed to be studying a particular fluff that was stuck to his leg.

“Everything is going to work out,” Alexander said softly. “Dinner’s ready, by the way. Everyone’s waiting for us.”

John nodded, standing up. He was determined to enjoy the rest of his day. Alexander did have a point, too—none of this was his fault. He didn’t ask for his father to be an asshole. He didn’t ask to be literally driven out of his home on Christmas. He didn’t ask for any of this.

They linked their fingers together and turned Alexander’s light off as they left the room. When they got to the top of the stairs, Alexander stopped walking. Before John could ask why, he spun him around and kissed him hard. John melted when their lips touched…he laser-focused on that moment and shoved all other thoughts to the side. Alexander smiled when he broke the contact, but he couldn’t hide the look of mild pain in his eyes.

“Did that hurt your jaw, Lex?” John asked, referring to the still-healing fracture.

Alexander nodded.

“Well, then why did you do it?”

“You looked like you needed it,” Alexander shrugged.

So, yeah, he didn't ask for his shitty life. Most of all, though, he didn't ask for his boyfriend. Because Alexander Hamilton was more than John could have ever dared to hope for.

[celestialallstars]

Episode #16: “Well, this is the end folks.” - Stephen

I WANT TO QUIT

I AM GOING TO QUIT

MICHAEL DESERVED BETTER HE WAS MY FUCKING F2 AND BEST FRIEND IN THIS GAME AND IM SO FUCKINF MAD I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN THIS FUCK THIS CASST SO MUCH I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING

#FuckChris

FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST

EITHER IM QUITTING OR IM WINNING OUT OF SPITE WATCH THIS SPACE

Feel like pure shit just want Michael back

Bryce messaging me like “hey bowling ball” SHUT UR FUCKING FACE BRYCE DO NOT START TRYING TO TALK TO ME RN I AM MAD AT YOU

I MADE FINAL FIVE AND I HAVE AN IDOL I LEARNED MY MISTAKES IM MAKING FINAL FOUR I BEAT MY PLACEMENT WOOO I makin sure history dont be repeating doe

Alrighty, I am hoping that one of Chloe or Zach leaves this round. I dont know how the idol is going to go but I think Chloe's the safest bet for us as I still feel Zach could have it. Still, I can't risk a Loris situation so I would prefer it if Stephen won immunity. I do feel bad for him and I just hope he still trusts me even if I lost a little last night. Right now I think if Crystal Clear is the F4 then it could do a lot of good if anyone but Bryce wins it but I hope Stephen is wanting to go to the end still now

So, THAT happened. Chris lied and sided with Bryce and Zach instead of splitting like we planned! Greeaaaaaat.

He says it happened shortly before tribal, but when he told me his reason, he said it was because of Michael attempting to make an F3 deal, which is something that happened the day before.

I did have an interesting chat with Zach where he said me and him are essentially seen as Chris and Bryce's +1's and our chances of winning sitting next to them might be pretty low based on that perception. Obviously I want Bryce out before Chris, but I need to start realistically thinking of cutting Chris at some point. He did go behind my back here and staying blindly loyal despite that just seems foolish. He said he'd use the idol on me this round which is great and all, but if Bryce wins immunity... well... what are my options? Honestly the best case scenario is me or Chris winning immunity just so we can be sure about playing the idol on the one who loses and voting Bryce out.

I hope that bad scenario doesn't have to play out, but let's just say at this point I think Zach and Chloe are my best possible F3. Which is interesting considering I just tried to get Zach out!

It does kinda suck to hear Michael say what he said. I get he was upset but like I dunno. It didnt help but at the same time I don't feel too bad knowing that he made an f3 without me in it. My hope was that it makes the others think more on NOT bringing me to the end so I want to use it to my advantage as much as I can to still win it all if its possible

This vote has been so messy it's ridiculous. I know Chris has the idol and is likely playing it on himself, so I'm trying to get Zach and Chloe to throw their vote on him so me and Chris can decide who goes. I was considering actually voting him out for a bit but I don't think that's feasible without their being an imminent reason for him to use the idol on someone else.

So I told Chloe and Zach the plan, and I told Bryce the plan was Chloe and used idol-fear as my fake reason. Hopefully it's a strong enough justification for him to buy it and just vote for her, but he's immune so he personally has nothing to fear tonight. It's been a hard day and I hope everything pans out as I expect and I'm not on the bad end of all the plans LOL.

im in f4 wooh but no chance at winning i think im gonna be blindsided by zach tonight so thats fun if chris goes im legit over but idk how to fix that i ened to make sure chris votes stephen with me but idt he will

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Chloe: How does michael leaving impact the game?

Michael leaving the game probably means it’s a bit more open for people to make moves and shake things up even more which is TERRIFYING. In my eyes Michael had a lot of control over people that was going unnoticed.

go to an optometrist queen

im trying to do stuff but who knows oh well LOL SDGMLKDSGKDSGKDMSKGDSK i want chris out but he probs has idol all i know is unless theres an idol nullifier i be makin f4 tho

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Chloe is voted out 2-2-1. She becomes the eighth member of our jury.

Watch Chloe’s exit interview take place below:

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Welp! I've survived probably my closest call all game. I wish I could make it to the end while being targeted a bit less but I can settle for this. Anyway, selecting Chloe to be my target ended up being the correct decision, since she was the only person other than me who could be targeted. I'm so close to the end again, and the people still in don't see me as much of a winner threat. I hope they're wrong sksksksksksks

I think winning this immunity challenge and being the reason Bryce goes home could boost my odds quite a bit, but I need to be ready for the possibility of not winning the immunity challenge as well. Still, I have F2 deals with Chris and Zach, so that's another reason to avoid wanting to choose between them here. No reason to make anyone madder than they need to be.

I guess a lot is riding on the last comp and I enjoy it because it does show how it isn't clear cut as far as what will happen next.

ok so results in 2.5 hours and i know im not winning its so sad but its just sth that i have to face. i tried my hardest at endurance but fell alseep. before and after.. i have no brain. counting? literally my least fave thing on orgs the actual anxiety it gives me is unreal. winterbells???? anyways. the puzzle prob the only thign i can do alright at and i just know zach beat me at it too. and like just like my og season i feel like if i dont win i go home.at least there i dont think maynor would have voted me but here i dont have a maynor and i will get 3-1'd even tho i dont think its the right move like ugh this is so sad i rly just wanted to show i deserved my win and my spot on all stars and i cant even win final immunity its so embarrassing why do i even play orgs this will be my last mark my WORDS going out on one of my fave orgs ever will be cute anyway yay wooh haha im so random...

________________________________________________________________

im so sad like im depressed this sucks im gonna get 3-1'd for WHAT why wont zach take me what could i have done differently except be better at immunity like ive had no agency since f9 rhys blindside and its like that has been annoying but it was always with the end goal being yes i may not have gotten to play how i wanted to but at least ill make ftc how cute. but  i dont even get to do that and its like ppl just say i was a shield well i have feelings and i dont like being used as a shield why am i so melodramatic its literally an online game but im just tired of being used and thrown away and so what if ive listened to liability 10 times since i woke up this morning that has nothing to do with me feeling like im a toy that ppl grow bored of.

Its been one heck of a rollercoaster but I have a little faith for this last tribal.  I was sad to have lost the final challenge but I feel it can perhaps help my overall game if Im able to make it to the final three. With that in mind, its time to enact my final plan. While I have openly acknowledged Bryce's threat level to people I sorta was in need of certain things falling into place- Zach winning was the first part even if it would have been nice for Stephen/myself. Now is the part I pretty much spell it out for him that taking Bryce not only equals less jury votes but also could take votes that Zach would have since Bryce is viewed as the stronger of the duo. I basically have to make Zach be fully on board to get out his biggest threat to winning.

________________________________________________________________

As for Bryce, it was nice to play with him but I do hope he is serious about voting Stephen because it then guarantees that not only am I safe but that I can get him out. Alas Justice4Mitch has never died but if I can pull it off after basically convincing Bryce I was not against him while also just painting Zach as a necessary meat shield then I have a chance! I dunno how it would go down with the jury but thats moot until I see "18th person voted out and the final member of the jury...@Bryce"

So I made a bit of a mistake last night. Zach won immunity and I assumed it was pretty clear Bryce was gonna go 3-1 no strings attached, and I told him my reasons for voting him. Bryce isn't giving up though. He came up with a plan with Chris to get Zach to put his vote on Chris, and then the 2 of them vote me out. It's not the craziest idea I've ever heard which is why I think I made a mistake telling Bryce the truth.

Knowing this, I went to Zach and told him everything about this plan. Hopefully it makes Zach too gun-shy to consider voting for Chris and, since I don't think he wants me out that only leaves Bryce as an option. I wish I was immune and had nothing to worry about but here we are! If Bryce can dig himself out of this he'll have a really good shot to win though. And Chris/Zach have to be aware of that.

im livid im depressed and my hair is such a mess.

this is likely my penultimate confessional [that is lengthy] so here we go.

i won immunity. im so happy. I MADE FINAL TRIBAL!! even if i lose, i still made it here, in an allstar season - which is just phenomenal. top 3 out of 21... WOO! and i beat my placement and improved my game (in my subjective opinion) and so i feel like i got what i wanted out of this game. i didn't even need the immunity tbh but.. it's just a relief to have it because it secures my game and allows me a bit more control than the average person at F4.

when it comes to the vote, i think the frontrunners are chris + bryce. i think neither are a cut-and-dry win, but i think they are the two people that the jury is currently praising to a degree. it's also known that those two are on the chopping block for this round, and i believe i'm in a swing vote position (stephen/chris voting bryce, bryce voting chris - i can tie it or send bryce home).

this is where it becomes tricky. i love all these people, especially bryce. he's my best friend and we've been through this game hand in hand. i would love to see him win, and i would prefer him as a victor over stephen/chris (no offence to them, just as personal taste obviously). but, i think he's an obstacle for me come FTC. the jury has perceived me to be his goat (or just a follower of his), and while that's not true (both bryce and i have played briefly separate games and have taken some control at varying points), perception matters a lot. like, it's not reality - but it is critical to who wins this game. so i think i need to do my utmost best to reverse that perception.

my main strategy throughout merge (and i mentioned this in early confessionals) was to highlight bryce as a bigger threat [giving him another challenge win, hyping him up to people, etc.] so that in our inevitably perceived duo, he would be the bigger fish to fry. while at times this failed (ie f8 when I was the target of the split vote), i fixed it by ensuring jared's elimination because he was the person keeping bryce alive and that was awareness!! woo!! but overall, with the whole "shield strategy", it becomes redundant imo if you take that shield to FTC. bryce, as someone who's been consistently targeted (him and i both tbh), if he gets to the end, that becomes so impressive. even if he hasn't made many moves or whatever, it's that underdog-like story that likely ensures him the gold in my eyes. i would love to see him win!! he's the best candidate (on a personal level) to be sandra diaz-twine (though he's being so fat to me right now, as i am to him though). but i feel like my prominent strategy only ever comes into fruition if i eliminate him, and that's where i'm leaning (and he knows that).

while chris could win (or even stephen, i won't exclude him), it's all a risk. if they do, then good game!! but i think ive played to a great standard and have proven myself, and i've shown divergence from bryce and others and while some moves failed, i attempted to be flexible and that in and of itself speaks a lot! woo!! this is a deserving final four imo (higher than average for most final ours). this allstar season has been hectic, every vote being so diverse, so regardless of the final outcome, it's an achievement that us four made it here.

i could be majorly misinterpreting this game as a whole, but who cares. chris and stephen are both great speakers, so it'll be a tossup in that regard, but i just have to do what's best. maybe i vote out chris though. i'm torn, and it's not because of what anyone has said, it's just an internalized conflict that's like... do i vote out my best friend but i think it's smarter or do i vote out another threat and just hope the jury can recognize that i had a stronger game than perceived.

i think i know the answer though. and i hope that when he (BRYCE LKSDGLKSD i love him im on call with him ill link a pic below) goes to jury he can be my cheerleader... bc i lav him. if not i understand. but I HOPE he doesn't hate me remotely seriously because i value our friendship immensely... but i didn't come here to play for second. will i get second (or third)? sure. it's possible. but at least i didn't *play* for it, if that makes sense.

link to bryce on cam suffocating himself with a pillow in response to me potentially voting him out: https://imgur.com/BgFRtsK

that's all. MAYBE I DONT WRITE ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL AND LONG AND MY FINGERS ARE CRAMPING. but that's it. love yawls. mwah.

IM SO DEPRESSED IM GETTING 3-1 HOW DO I HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL GAME WHY AM I THE WORST PERSON TO EVER PLAY THE GAME WHATS THE POINT OF PLAY 77 DAYS IF I CANT BE A TWO TIME WINNER I RUIN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I PUSH THROUGH MY EPISODES OF SADNESS TO TRY TO WIN AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BC IM AN UNLIKABLE AND NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO ME IN THE END LIKE THATS SO CRAZY ITS INSANE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613389489154293780/634539770583973888/unknown.png

________________________________________________________________

i thought most betrayed was jared to me but turns out its zach to me

________________________________________________________________

Bryce is voted out 3-1. He becomes the ninth and final member of our jury.

Watch Bryce’s exit interview take place below:

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Ahhh I cant believe I made it to FTC. Its pretty surreal to have actually made it after everything's that happened! I am so nervous about FTC because I know a lot of people may not be thrilled to see me and I have to do a lot lf convincing...but this is where I have to try to give everything my all and hope it will work out!

Well, this is the end folks.

My final confessional of All-Stars. Will it be my final Celestial confessional? Who knows. All I know at this point is that my speech is ready and I'm speculating as to what questions I will be asked and what my answers will be. Finally being at the end of an ORG is so surreal but winning this thing after all the nonsense would be so sweet.

Making it to the end with Chris is great too, even if I kinda wish he was just on the jury supporting me. This is our second time playing an ORG together but the first time we played we both went pre-merge, so this really is a big deal for us.

I'm proud of the game I've played though, and I want to make sure that comes across tonight. Even if I ultimately end up losing I won't let myself be called a goat or "just playing for FTC". I came here to win from the very beginning and by the end of the night everyone is going to know that.

I am so nervous for this FTC that I don't think I'll do that good, BUT I'm gonna put on my acting abilities and pretend I am confident and own everything I can! It's do or die and I'm not ready to be six feet under yet!

________________________________________________________________

So I'm very happy with myself when its all said and done! This was such a journey for me in that whether I win or lose I feel satisfied with myself because I had highs and lows and learned things- wishing my fellow finalists the best of luck and huge thank you to the hosts for allowing this to even exist here :)

________________________________________________________________

Zach wins in an 8-1-0 vote!