#idk I do think the internet should pick their battles and all

[alyona11]

Bruh tbh a lot of tumblr and twitter discourses would become less heated if Americans and Europeans considered that they can just pirate their tricky problematic media…

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

me, a person who loves black and white solutions, yes or no answers, and clear right or wrong decisions, yet keeps willingly choosing jobs where everything is highly subjective

[somanyratsinthewalls]

Kinktober Special Part 10 (+18)

SOMEONE REQUESTED THIS AND I HAD TO. (OK so would this ever happen in canon? no. do I care? also no. this is fun and pretend on the internet idk)

The Crew’s Whore (Part 10) (+18)

Summary: You are the former owner of the Grand Line’s most popular brothel. Your powerful fighting abilities got the attention of the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates. He had asked you to join their crew but what would you bring to the team? Your battle skills were hardly comparable to many of the other Straw Hats… but you actually had a great skill. Your years working as a high end escort had prepared you to become the private plaything for this pirate crew. You joined the Straw Hats as their personal sex toy.

Pairing: Red Hair Shanks x Straw Hat F!Reader

WC: 3700 what the fuck lmao

TWs: unprotected sex, p in v sex, face riding, oral sex, teasing, fingering, alcohol consumption, hot passionate lovemaking idk. 

— — 

You don’t know how you ended up here, scared out of your wits.

Okay… maybe you do know exactly why you were here, but it didn’t make you any less terrified. Your captain once again got you into a life-threatening predicament, but this time it was one you had to face alone. 

You take a deep breath and smooth the fabric of your red velvet wrapped gown over your stomach. You shake your long hair down your back and square your shoulders. 

Your heels click across the strong wood as you go to cross the gang plank to the adjacent ship. 

— — 

(3 hours earlier)

“No seriously, I heard if you rub the mucus from the transponder snails all over your skin you look 10 years younger.” Robin said as she leaned up against the railing of the Thousand Sunny on her elbows. 

“I don’t really think I want to look 11…” Nami said back as she picked at the dirt under her fingernails. 

“Is Luffy back yet? I can’t stand the suspense anymore! I just know he’s going to blow us all to smithereens!” Usopp butts his head in-between the two girls as they watched the Red Force docked across from the Sunny, no sign of their captain yet. 

“Don’t you think if Shanks’ crew was going to vaporize us they’d have done it immediately?” Sanji grunts with a cigarette dangling from his spit soaked bottom lip. No one thought he was listening as he sat on a barrel with you leaned up against it between his legs. He had a seashell comb in his right hand that he used to braid your hair. 

“You make a good point… but I don’t think we should settle in just yet. He’s arguably the most powerful man in the world. We should be lucky we aren’t gore at the bottom of the ocean being eaten by mantis shrimp.” Your eyes flutter open at the conversation, you had been so relaxed by Sanji’s delicate brushing of your tresses. 

“DO YOU REALLY THINK WE’RE GONNA BE EATEN IN THE OCEAN Y/N?” Chopper scrambles across the deck, tears in his eyes, and lands in your lap as you sat on the deck of the Sunny. 

You pat his hat. 

“Maybe!” You chuckle. 

Chopper starts to sob. 

“Alright who made Chopper cry?” Zoro comes out of the kitchen with a hefty bottle of sake in one hand. 

“I was just being honest, love.” You say to the already slightly drunk swordsman. 

“You’ve gotta stop doing that shit you know he’s-“ The green haired man begins to scold you. 

“HEEEEY!!! HEY GUYS!!!”

Everyone’s head whips towards the source of the yelling. 

Luffy bounds towards the Sunny and opts to stretch his arms and catapult himself onto the deck instead of using the gang plank. 

Chopper hops immediately up out of your lap and runs to clutch Luffy’s legs. 

“Luffy how are we gonna die? Is he gonna cut us up into a million pieces or-“ The poor reindeer snivels through violent sobs.

“Huh? Who? Shanks?” Luffy looked confused before he broke into a smile. “Ha ha! No, Shanks is my friend! We were just catching up! You guys are weird haha.” 

There was a collective sigh released across the deck. 

“Yeah he’s totally cool. He’s setting out in the morning. I offered to have Sanji cook us all a big feast, but he said he’s rather have y/n for the night instead. More food for us!” Luffy giggled. 

“WHAT?” You stood up from the deck. “You offered my services to the most deadly man in the seas without asking first?” You storm up to your captain. 

“Yeah? He’s nice, y/n! Heh heh you’ll like him a lot! I promise!” 

— — 

So here you were. You slinked across the deck of the Red Force towards the captain’s quarters, trying to stay unnoticed. You thought you were being inconspicuous until the door to what you assumed was the galley swung open and bathed your cloaked figured in bright light. Two men, drunk in arms, stopped in their tracks when they saw you. 

“Oye! It’s the Straw Hat girl! She’s ‘ere for the captain!” The much larger of the two men said as he gestured towards you with a beer bottle. 

The smaller man with long, dreadlocked hair ushered him along. 

“Yeah yeah leave ‘em be.” He said as he held up his drunk crew mate to their quarters. “Hey, tell my boy I say hi, alright?” The pirate said over his shoulder as he let you pass the two of them to continue towards the captain’s room. 

“Aye… Aye I can do that.” You say shakily. 

“Good, now have fun tonight! Don’t hurt ya’ self!” The long haired pirate who bared a striking resemblance to a friend of yours called as he disappeared out of sight. 

You regained your composure and straightened your dress before you continued to the belly of the ship. You walked down two sets of stairs before reaching a hallway with a singular door. You were given no chance to back out because the door opened as soon as your foot hit the bottom stair. 

“Y/n, welcome.” Red Haired Shanks stood clutching a doorknob and waving you towards him with a smile. You froze. You hadn’t knocked. He knew you were coming long before you got here. Such power. But his smile seemed so.. normal?

“Everything okay, y/n?” He calls at you. You snapped out of your daze.

“Yes! Sorry!” You hurriedly enter his private quarters and he shuts the door behind you. It was luxurious for a pirate, but nothing over the top. He had a full bar with a loveseat on one end and king sized bed with red velvet sheets on the other. You had to chuckle at the dated decor, you were forgetting he was well over 10 years your senior. 

Shanks moves past you after locking the door and heads to the bar. He grips a bottle of wine and tips it towards you in question. 

“Can I pour you a drink?” Shanks asks. 

“I-um, yes. Yes thank you.” You eventually get out. 

Shanks carefully pours each of you a large glass of red wine. He hands you a glass and beckons for you to join him on the loveseat. He was so large in stature that you were in the corner with your legs crossed so you didn’t encroach on his space. 

“My friend and your captain says you are the hottest little thing on the Grand Line… you have something to say about that?” He says playfully from across the couch. 

“I-I’d say you’d have to try it yourself, captain.” You try to make yourself sound confident but there was no use. This man could pulverize you and everyone you love in five seconds if he wanted to… and yet here he was lighting candles and pouring you wine. 

“Drink.” Shanks motions for you to drink your wine as he lifts his own heavy pour to his lips. You oblige and take a few large gulps of wine before settling your glass in your lap again. 

“Why are you afraid of me?” Shanks breaks the silence. 

“I-I’m n-“ Your eyes threatened to bug out of your skull.

“And don’t lie because I’ll know.” Shanks smirks at you from across the loveseat. “Tell me what’s bothering you. I have no interest in laying with someone who isn’t all here. I would just like to know what’s frightening you, little one?” Shanks takes another sip of his wine. 

“Y-you’re just very powerful. I’ve never felt like this before with anyone… I-I can’t explain it…” You look down into your wine glass and take a gulp. You couldn’t meet Shanks’ gaze. 

“I won’t hurt you…” Shanks gets up from his seat and you tense up. “But maybe we should get to know each other better first so you actually believe me…” Shanks returns to his position across from you, this time dragging over a small table and a deck of cards. “Let’s play, every hand you win you get to ask a question and the other has to answer truthfully. And drink, of course.” 

You relax a bit and cock your head. You place your empty wine glass down on the table. 

“You better get the bottle then.” You smirk. 

Shanks smiles and pours the two of you full glasses. He then deals you your first round of cards. To your misfortune you lose the first hand. 

“Alright then… you still think I’m going to kill you, don’t you?” Shanks almost chuckles as the words leave his mouth. 

“Yes.” You respond immediately. You take a drink. 

Shanks sighs and deals another hand. You thought for a moment if you should offer to deal the cards, seeing as it might go faster… but Shanks struck you as a man who liked to be in control so you kept your mouth shut. 

“Listen, sweet pea, you’re worth a lot more alive than you are dead from what I’ve heard about you… So you have nothing to worry about.” Shanks says as he lays out his hand. “Oh dear it seems I’ve won again. Less morose questions, perhaps?”

You toss your losing cards back to the center of the table. 

“Have you ever had a fishman?” Shanks asks. 

You choke a bit on the wine you had just sipped. A smile spreads across the pirates face, his eyes glistening with childlike mischief even through his scarred flesh. He really was quite handsome…

“Sorry… too forward?” He asks. 

“Not at all.” You chuckle after catching your breath. People always asked you about that once they learned of your line of work. . “Yes I have.” 

“What’s it like? I’ve always been curious but never had the opportunity…” Shanks asks with genuine interest. 

“I think you’re supposed to win another hand if you want to ask another question.” You lay your winning hand on the table and smirk. “My turn. Who’s your one that got away? Everyone like you has a lost love.” 

“Oh I wouldn’t call it lost… they’re very much still in the picture. Someone I’ve known since I was young. I still have hope, in the end, but we’ll see. He’s just-“ Shanks explains as he deals more cards. 

“He?” You interject. 

“Is that another question?” Shanks playfully raises an eyebrow

“No.” You recall your inquisition. 

“Good, seeing as I’ve won again.” Shanks collects the cards again. “Now, is the two cocks thing true?”

“Of course it is. But only for the shark fishmen. It’s intimidating at first, but when you’ve been doing my job for this long you learn how to handle it.” You smile into your wine glass cheekily before taking a sip. 

“I have no doubt you excel at your job. It’s simply pleasure enough to get to spend the evening with a beautiful woman with such-“   Shanks’ eyes flick down to where your wrapped velvet gown was opening in the front, exposing your cleavage. He looks back up to meet your gaze. “Breathtaking features.” 

You can’t help but giggle. His hungry eyes on you somehow made you feel more at ease… all men truly are the same. It’s incredible that they call it a man’s world when the strongest of them all can be tamed by the promise of pussy. 

“Looks like I’ve won this one, Red Hair.” You splay your cards on the worn wooden table. “What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you recently?” You ask. 

“I don’t get embarrassed!” Shanks answers far too quickly and defensively for your liking. You cock your head with skepticism. “Fine. Last week one of my crew mates came up to me in celebration asking for a double high five.” Shanks sighs. 

You didn’t understand why it was embarrassing at first, but when you looked at his torso and were reminded he only had one arm you short laughed so hard that you had to bring your hands up to your face. 

“Oh gods I’m sorry I shouldn’t laugh.” You try to regain your composure. 

“No no I promise it’s quite alright!” Shanks grins and plays another losing hand. “It’s funny now that my bruised ego is healed.” 

“So my turn again. When you’re with men do you top or bottom?” The wine must have really been affecting you to even consider asking an emperor such a question. 

Shanks smiles again. 

“Let me ask you this…” Shanks peruses his hand of cards, slipping them deftly between his calloused fingers. “If I take you to a candy shop and I say, ‘now you can only have the peppermint sweets’ how terrible would that be? You’d have to pass up on the chocolate sweets, the strawberry sweets, and sweets you’ve never even imagined. Who wants to live like that?” Shanks lays his winning hand down on the table with a smug grin. “Would you like to come sit on my lap, y/n?” 

You nod silently before you finish your drink and set the massive wine glass down on the table. You rise to your feet. Shanks uses his one hand to pat his left high, spreading his legs so you could slot between them. 

“Plenty of room on this side now.” Shanks winks as you sit down on his lap. He raises his right hand towards your face slowly but suddenly stop as if he’s realized something. “Can I touch you?” He asks as he looks in your eye. The sheer power emanating from his body no longer frightened you, but drew you in and made you feel your heartbeat below your waist. 

“Yes, you can touch me.” You affirm, looking Shanks in the eye. You give him a soft smile. 

“Wow… Luffy wasn’t kidding. You really are gorgeous…” Shanks compliments you as he touches your face gently to brush your hair out of your eyes. He was getting a better look at you. “Really just so fucking pretty…” He kisses your cheek before you feel his hand working at the tie of your dress. “Help me a bit, sweet pea? Wanna see all of you.” 

You blush hard and fumble with your dress enough to spread it open, exposing your nude form. 

“Absolutely beautiful…” Shanks coos as he slides his hand down your chest and cups one of your breasts in his strong grip. He kneads it for a bit and you relax into his touch. He pinches your nipple and you jolt forward, almost losing your balance on Shanks’ lap. 

“Hold onto me, baby, it’s okay.” Shanks brings your arm up to wrap around his neck before continuing fondling your body. His hand finally reached to cup your mound, pressing his fingers flat against your wet lips. You hid your head in the crook of his neck and whimpered. 

“I can feel you throbbing, honey, why didn’t you just say something?” He nudges you with his chin to prompt you to come out of hiding in his neck. “Huh? It’s okay. You should have told me it was this bad…” Shanks starts swiping his fingers through your folds, taking a moment to circle your clit a few times with each upwards stroke along your pussy. 

“I-I just…” Lust had clouded your brain and you could no longer form a coherent thought. A few moments ago you were holding your own against the emperor in a game of cards but now you were completely helpless in his grasp. Shanks slips two digits inside your soaked hole, you gasp out loudly and your arms around his neck tighten. 

“Oh!” You yelp as he tentatively pushes his fingers in and out of you, stretching you and working you up. 

“It’s okay… I'm gonna help you with this okay?” Shanks pushes his two fingers into you again and keeps them inside. He pulls upwards on his fingers once and you instinctively squeal and try to close your legs. “Theeeere it is. Keep those legs open, doll, I’m gonna make you cum now.” He immediately begins hammering his fingers into your favorite spot. 

“AH!” You cry out and your shoulders lurch forward, you slam your eyes shut, the sensation overwhelming you. You moan out as he physically pulls a wet, screaming orgasm out of you with his hand. 

“Good girl! That’s better, huh?” Shanks coos at you as he pulls his fingers out of you and rubs gently at your pussy with his whole palm as if to say ‘good job, champ.’ Shanks quickly lifts you into the air and lets your dress fall to the floor. He sets you to sit on the bed and starts removing his clothing. 

You decided this was something you could help with and start undoing his belt and pants. Shanks slips off his boots and sheds his torso of his jacket and shirt. You move to lay down on the bed, figuring he could shed the rest of his clothes himself. 

“Ah ah ah, don’t get comfortable sweet pea.” Shanks scolds you playfully and you finally get a full view of his body. His olive skin was scarred but beautifully tanned, and his cock was so impressive that you noticed it far before you noticed his missing arm. “You’re going to ride my face.” 

“Oh I am, am I?" You hop up onto your knees on the bed, making room for Shanks to lay down.

“You are because if I don’t get to taste this wet little cunny in the next few minutes I might die.” Shanks lays on his back and grips your waist to help pull you towards his face. “Now sit.” He yanks you down onto his waiting mouth and holds you in place with his arm wrapped around you. 

“Fuck! Shanks!” You cry out as his lips latch around your clit. “Oh my god!” You lean forward instinctively and grip the headboard. You find your body involuntarily rocking against Shanks’ tongue and lips, somehow desperately chasing another high. 

Shanks laps now at your hole, trying to taste more of you straight from the source. 

“So fuckin’ sweet… No wonder they won’t let you go…” Shanks slurps messily against your cunt and moans deeply. “My gods, taste so fuckin’ good…”

 You toss your head back and moan, feeling yourself approaching orgasm again so quickly after your last one. 

“Yes- fuck- just like that, please!” You grind your hips harder onto Shanks’ face. 

“Let go, cum on me baby girl, come on, you can do it…” Shanks mutters into your sex as eagerly devours you, wanting you to finish just as much as you did yourself. 

With a final harsh suck to your clit, you release onto Shanks’ waiting face. He pulls off your sensitive bud but continues lapping at your folds, trying to taste every last drop of the essence leaving your body. Once satisfied from tasting you, Shanks pulls you down his body to sit on his lap. 

He pushes the two of you put he bed so his back is against the headboard and you’re seated comfortably on his lap, wet cunt soaking his member pressed against his abdomen. He was thick and uncut, just the way you like them. 

You move your hips to hover over his pelvis as you allow him to line his leaking cock up with your entrance. Delirious from your orgasms, you eagerly impale yourself on his cock fully and let out a choked cry. Shanks chuckles and pushes your hair out of your face to hold your chin in his hand. 

“Oh baby that was so good! You took it all so good.” He smiles at you. 

You nod and start to grind your hips onto him, your eyes falling closed at the delicious friction. Shanks leans up and starts leaving bites and sucks on your neck, he grips your hips tightly in his hand to guide your grinding on top of him. He plants his feet and is able to thrust inside of you. 

“What a fucking goddess you are, y/n… fuck you feel so fuckin’ good…” 

You were feeling bashful at his praise… like he wasn’t buried balls deep inside of you right now. It was clear from his languid pace and his attention to your needs that he didn’t want to fuck you. He wanted to make love to you. 

You continue to ride Shanks and he nibbled and sucked at your breasts while continuously spilling words of praise and admiration about your pussy and how well it takes his cock. 

“So good, sweat pea, come on and make yourself cum on me, just use me baby it’s okay…” Shanks mumbled into your spit soaked nipple. You whimper and move your hips faster, feeling your walls start to spasm. “Yes there it is, come on…” 

“SHANKS!” You cry out the captain’s name as you fall apart completely on his thick cock. You felt completely boneless as the aftershocks of your mammoth orgasm wore off. 

“Gonna fill you, love, just take it…” Shanks grunts as he obviously approaches his climax. 

“Y-yes-“ You could barely squeak out, so beyond overstimulated. 

With an animalistic growl, Shanks empties himself inside of you entirely. You whine and wiggle on his lap as you feel the floods of cum seep from your hole along the sides of his cock. 

Shanks pulls your body into his by your shoulder and you collapse into his broad chest. He pulls out of you and lays you both of your side. After a few moments of gentle touches and pillow talk, you rise to collect your things. 

“You’re not staying?” The pirate captain asked. 

“You’re leaving port in the morning.” You replied. 

“I know. I’m asking if you’ll stay with me. Here.” Shanks asks. 

You smile as you throw on your velvet dress. You approach Shanks’ nude body on the bed. You cup his jaw. 

“I am loyal to my captain.” You say with a smile. 

“After all that, you’re still loyal to your captain?” Shanks refutes, sitting up in bed now. 

“Of course. What good is a crew if they aren’t loyal to their captain?” You say playfully as you approach the door of the bedroom. 

“Gods that only makes me want you more.” Shanks smirks. 

“Best of luck to you, Red Haired Shanks.” You wink and you retreat back to your home ship. 

[hamofjustice]

y'know, it's funny, from replaying pokemon scarlet / violet basegame, i'm pretty sure if you're not internet poisoned, then one of the most memorable things about nemona could be that she only battles you half or less of the times that she checks in to help you because she wants it to be perfect and fair for you and really doesn't want to annoy you, to the point it almost seems like she's making excuses NOT to battle you, not that she's a wild dog that's stalking you and will not leave you alone. one of her earliest character establishing moments is looking directly into the camera with puppy dog eyes and apologizing profusely for wanting a rematch because she had fun

she's in the gyms because she's also doing the gyms! she gets really embarrassed that it looks like she's following you around and decides not to battle you to prove she's not! if she is, she's probably following you because geeta asked her to, and clavell literally said she should take you under her wing! she usually gives you advance warning that she's going to be taking you on soon!

in particular, once you're out of the tutorial she talks to and helps you without battling you for the first three badges of her own questline

it's always, like, clavell and geeta being like 'smh get a load of this girl, she needs to back off, who does she think she is, gary oak?' with their body language. the "oops, nemona didn't realize that cutscene didn't heal you" thing the game keeps doing feels kinda forced.

maybe it's just pokemon writing being what it is (i really don't know why they act like she'd use her champion team against your starter, she just picked a starter, what are you talking about. make her look overeager in a way that makes sense with her character or anyone over the age of 5 please) but the way nemona actually is not matching the way everyone talks about her seems to be a thing in universe and out, and i want to remember this rather than fall into a telephone game of what the plot actually was

if anything, I wish she was less afraid to annoy the player, and more present in the game! y'know, appearing in the sidelines during gym battles with the rest of the crowd rather than the text simply saying she was, for example

idk, I wonder if things would be different if the most vocal pokemon "fans" didn't hate characters interacting with them. maybe I want a brock and misty with me the whole game. maybe biri biri and after the rain are the experience I want

acting like the character who puts our enjoyment above her own and is afraid to annoy us still annoyed us is how we get a DLC that never mentions her or the other main characters of the story in 9 months of promotional materials and, maybe someday, a gen 10 with no friends at all.

[selkymaiden]

mina and ❓🧩 ???!!?! MEIN GOTT i would love to learn more heh heh 🕵️‍♂️😈

OUGH. The noise I made. 🧍‍♂️

I will put a read more because I'm so sorry Naomi, I'm so sorry I'm about to go ham.

Also, love how you used a puzzle piece. Very good you are truly the detective here!!! 🔎🔎🔎

But Mina is my Private Investigator or Detective in the DC universe. Originally she was made as a side character for Sophie to have friends outside the Rogue gallery. But my friend had her own DC oc, India 💖, so I was like okay lemme expand on Mina so she has more of her own personality and storyline than just being a side character. So I started to tailor-make her more for the Arkham series of games instead of Gotham. But again I just mash up stuff like I did with Sophie since it's so easy with comic book lore. I mean... DC does it to themselves just like Marvel lakfjwelkrj But I say that because uhhhhh wait idk if you've played the Arkham series games? I'm so sorry if you have not and seen spoilers every single day on my blog. But like the last game in the series makes it left open-ended Batman died and I'm like 'nah son' he does not die. So basically I do what I want as we all should so we can enjoy our fucking uhhhhhh little blorbos.

BUT the pun on her name is A. Query. Full name: Aemilia Wilhelmina "Mina" Query. Cuz I wanted someone for the Riddler LMAO just for the fucking canon character again. And at first, I toyed with Oh uh Echo and Query are henchpeople The Riddler has used but I didn't want a henchperson oc. But I love henchpeople ocs though! Ngl I read a lot of spicy riddler x reader where the reader is a henchperson, but I didn't want that for my oc but that's because I'm a terrible person and just want all my gorls OP. Also, Arkham Riddler is so fucking insufferable but I can't not have Mina fuck him!!!

So yeah Mina and Eddie get it on!!! You don't understand Naomi I made a stupid ass moodboard for them when it was slow at work and I had nothing better to do.

They are the tag: xo. lovefool

If you don't read all this I understand but thank you so much for asking and being interested! It's a good exercise to just get my lore out about her instead of just thinking it lmaooooo

Uhhh but she's a Private Investigator, licensed, she actually does not work or care for the GCPD and has a chip on her shoulder with them. So she likes to take cases from their departments and solve them before their people. But she's not taking on murder stuff, even though she could, no she's more into solving, which she has solved, a lot of missing persons and then cheating cases. LMAO she's like that fucking cheaters show and will bust people's asses for money. But she's very good at what she does and would probably be an asset if she did work for GCPD but she only really respects Gordon and Barbara there. Instead, she's fine with what she has, she's not ambitious but does like to stick her nose into things just to be knowing. Tying with Sophie she gets away with things someone on the 'side of the law' should not be able to do cuz she'll run to Sophie for protection. And she's not a bribe person I guess also? She's neutral in Gotham or does her best. She picks and chooses her battles.

So with her and the Riddler though for the longest time they never actually met in person. Instead, she's come upon his radio frequency before. After that, they talk and eventually flirt over the radio, phone, text, email, internet whatever, just anything but in person. She's a novelty item to Edward when Batman isn't paying attention to him basically. It's cuz she's solved his puzzles and riddles before so she's not just some little idiot running around Gotham. Still not as smart as him or even worthwhile other than to pass the time! But his attitude of him thinking himself smarter than everyone and being so degrading to her wears on her but instead of being 'ok bye' her ass actually starts a grudge. So she starts to make it a point to be better than him! And like the last straw is when he sets up his little challenges for Batman but it's a total coincidence, it interrupts a case she's been on for months and ruins everything. So her ass goes through the whole trouble of solving a series of riddles and puzzles meant for Batman. She went out of her way to find them all and solve them so she can confront the Riddler finally. Him getting pinged thinking it's Batman gets all excited but when he goes to confront it's Mina. He flips out just "Wtf wtf wtf you cheated! you didn't solve these! Why are you here??" but jokes on him she did it. ANYWAYS IM SORRY ITS SO LONG BUT SHORT STORY INSTEAD OF FIGHTING HIM LIKE SHE INTENDED SHE TAKES ONE LOOK AT HIS FUCKING WET BITCH PATHETIC ASS AND THEY GET IT ON. like tension but not the kind of tension he's used to where he just gets his face smashed in with the Dark Knight instead she uses her mouth on him *wink wonk* it's about the sexual tension babeeyyyyy !!!

also here is a moodboard just for Mina. She's the oc. wilhelmina

[copperbadge]

So I checked the shutupshutup Tumblr out on your recommendation, and idk man. I think this is just a really angry dude like. They're strongly outspoken against terfs and anything they see as injustice. Dunno what about you pissed them off but. I can't say I disagree with most of their posts? Have you actually looked through their blog lately??? I think the only one I don't get is the one where you're involved, that was uncalled for what they said. But it wasn't exactly harsh? More like what a kid would say. your response was intense and long, even mentioned them dying??? Pick ur battles man, I'm surprised you even dignified with a response

NOTE: The username under discussion IS NOT “shutupshutup”, that’s an entirely different person. The username the asker used is NOT CORRECT, as far as I know I’ve had nothing to do with user shutupshutup and I have no opinion of their behavior. I’m not going to give the other username here, because we’ve already gone over their issues and there’s no real need. 

Normally I wouldn't have responded, but as may be evident from what I said in the post, this is a recurrent problem with this person -- this is actually the third iteration of their grudge blog, and each of them has attacked me for weirdly minor offenses like “expressing an opinion about a work of art”. And while you may not know the other people they’re going after, I know at least some of them and I know they do not deserve this person’s ire any more than I did. 

It’s easy to give them a pass because what they’re saying is anti-racist (except for their weird grudge against Lil Nas X) and anti-terf, but I grow very suspicious of someone who is also not...for anything. Like, if what you read on their tumblr was just a portion of their participation in the social life of this community, that would be understandable. I have plenty of friends who get into internet fights like that, but they also post other things. Literally all this person does in any post ever, for three different tumblrs now, is pick fights and insult people. That’s someone who has some real rage problems and I think it’s reached a point where others should be aware. 

The first time they deleted, I genuinely did worry they had died. I’d kept tabs on them, because the level of anger they had at the world and the unhealthy way in which they expressed it seemed like a cry for help. The amount of self-destructive behavior in insulting someone you know is likely to pick a fight with you is pretty significant. They seemed like someone who wanted to hurt themselves and used others to do it, which set off some red flags when they deleted. 

They then came back almost immediately with an almost identical setup and behaviors, and while I was relieved they were okay I was still concerned. But concern can only last for so long when someone doesn’t want to change, and this person clearly gets off on being a background-noise jerk to others, so my sympathy has become extremely limited. 

So, I picked my battles -- have been, with this person, for I believe over a year now -- and finally decided to make my opinion known. I don’t do that lightly; I have a large readership and it’s very easy to accidentally bring down a real shitstorm on someone’s head if I’m not careful. But, well, this person seems to enjoy fighting with others, so. *shrug emoji* 

I think they're just a bully who's somewhat bad at bullying but doesn’t believe they have any other skills, which is sad. They’re a petty child who I hope will eventually learn to be better. But they’re not my child to raise and I’m done being the adult who tolerates their infantile behavior without comment. 

[felassan]

Some DA trivia and dev commentary from Twitter

There’s a lot of different tweets, so I’m just pasting and linking to the source rather than screencapping them all or making several different posts or something. Post under cut for length.

User: Was dragon age 2 your favourite in the franchise?

David Gaider: DA2 was the project where my writing team was firing on all cylinders, and they wrote like the wind- because they had to! Second draft? Pfft. Plot reviews? Pfft. I was so proud of what we all accomplished in such a brief time. I didn't think it was possible. [source] DA2 is, however, also where the goal posts kept moving. Things kept getting cut, even while we worked. I had to write that dialogue where Orsino turned even if you sided with him, because his boss battle had been cut and there was no time to fix the plot. A real WTF moment. >:( [source]

Mike Rousseau: I remember bugging that! And then being told it wasn't a bug, and being so confused. Doing QA for DA2 was an experience. Trial by fire. [source]

DG: So I think it's safe to say DA2 is my favorite entry in the DA franchise and also the sort of thing I never want to live through ever again. Mixed feelings galore. [source]

User: (I personally blame whoever it was for ruining most romance arcs in other games for me; they don't live up to Fenris's romance storyline)

DG: I wrote Fenris, so uh - me, I guess? Or maybe his cinematic designer, who put in the puppy dog eyes. [source]

User: If DA2 had just been an expansion, do you think it would have been better received? There was a lot of great stuff in there, and I think my initial dislike of it was because of the zone reuse. If it hadn't needed to be a full game, would that issue not have arisen?

DG: Hard to say. It was either going to be an over-scoped expansion or an under-scoped sequel. If it had stayed an expansion, it might never have received the resources/push it DID get. [source]

User: I'd love to visit the universe where you had an extra year or so to work on it. You did a very good job as it stands, but it definitely had rough edges. Not just the writing team either. The whole game had hit and miss moments, that just a little more dev time could have fixed.

DG: On one hand, DA2 existed to fill a hole in the release schedule. More time was never in the cards. DA2 was originally planned as an expansion! On the other, if we had more time, would we have started doing that thing where we second guess/iterate ourselves into mediocrity? [shrug emoji] [source] 

Jennifer Hepler: This is what I love about DA2. Personally, I greatly prefer something that's rough and raw and sincere to something that's had all the soul polished out of it. Extra time would have helped for art and levels, but it would have lost something too. [source]

DG: Right? I think we could have used some time for peer reviews (and fewer cuts), but I think the rawness of the writing lent a certain spark that we usually polished out. [source]

JH: Definitely. I think the structure (more character-driven) and the tightness of the timeframe let each individual writer's voice really come through. Polish can be very homogenizing. [source]

DG: I should add I'm not, by any means, against iteration. Some iteration is good and necessary. The problem that BioWare often had is that we never knew when to stop. Like a goldfish, we would fill the space given to us by constantly re-iterating on things that were "good enough". [source]

Patrick Weekes: I appreciate your incredibly diplomatic use of the past tense on "had". :D [source]

User: DA2 was my gateway into the series and I’m so happy it is. I love the game the way that it is. It’s one of my favorites of all time. But I am also aware of everything that was said here. If it were remastered, do you think it would change?

DG: I'd be surprised if it was ever remastered. If it was, do you really think they'd change things? Do remasters do that? No idea. [source]

User: Both sides got undercut as I recall. Didn't that whole sequence also end with the mage leader embracing blood magic? It was very much "a plague on both your houses" moment, at least for me.

DG: Yep. Orsino was supposed to have his own version of Meredith's end battle, which only happened if you sided with the templars. That got cut, but the team still wanted to use the model we'd made for him. So... that happened. [source]

DG: I would personally say that DA2 is a fantastic game hidden under a mountain of compromises, cut corners, and tight deadlines. If you can see past all that, you'll see a fantastic game. I don't doubt, however, that it's very difficult for most to do that. [source]

PW: I love DAI with all my selfish "I worked on this" heart, but DA2's follower arcs and relationships are probably my favorite in the series. [source]

User: As I've expressed many times, I love the game, especially it's writing and characters but, for me, the most impressive aspect of it, in consideration of it's lack of time for drafts and revisions, is the 2nd act with Arishok.  What amazingly complex character and fantastic duel

User: Just played it again and I have to agree. Though he is bound by the harsher tenants of the Qun, he makes valid points about free marcher society. Though it is obvious that he and Hawke will come to blows eventually, the tension builds gradually and understandably

DG: Luke did such a fantastic job with the Arishok I found myself sometimes wishing the Qunari plot had just been THE plot. [source]

User: What do you think would have changed, story wise, if you had more time for DA2?

DG: I would have taken out that thing where Meredith gets the idol. It was forced on me because she needed to be "super-powered" with red lyrium for her final battle. Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that. [source]

User: I deeply lament that there wasn't/couldn't be some sort of DA2 equivalent of Throne of Bhaal's Ascension mod.

DG: I'd have done it, if DA2 had allowed for anything but the most rudimentary of modding. ;) [source]

User: I mean, and I think I understand where you were trying, but how much legitimacy did the Templars and her as top Templar have after they're keeping the mages locked up against their will in the old slave quarters? Feel free to not reply.

DG: I think it's the kind of discussion which requires nuance, and which discussions on the Internet are not prone to. [source]

User: Was a compromise that the quest lines don’t branch? It felt like it was supposed to be that way but then you end up in the same place later regardless of what you pick. Like I hoodwinked the templars so good to help the apostates escape but in Act II they were caught anyway.

DG: I remember us having a lot more branching in the initial planning yes. Most of this got trimmed out in the first or second wave of cuts, in an effort to not cut the plots altogether. [source]

DG: "If you could Zack Snyder DA2, what would you change?" Wow. I'm willing to bet Mark or Mike (or anyone else on the team) would give very different answers than me, but it's enough to give a sober man pause, because that was THE Project of Multiple Regrets. [source] I mean, it's the most hypothetical of hypotheticals. It's never gonna happen. I wouldn't be surprised if EA considered DA2 its embarrassing red-headed stepchild. We'd also need to ignore that in many ways DA2 was as good as it was bad BECAUSE of how it was made. But that aside? [source] First, either restore the progressive changes to Kirkwall we'd planned over the passing of in-game years or reduce the time between acts to months instead of years... which, in hindsight, probably should have been done as soon as the progressive stuff was cut. [source] I'm sure you're like "get rid of repeated levels!" ...but I don't care about that. All I wanted was for Kirkwall to feel like a bigger city. Way more crowded. More alive! Fewer blood mages. [source] I'd want to restore the plot where a mage Hawke came THIS close to becoming an abomination. An entire story spent trapped in one's own head while trapped on the edge of possession. Why? Because Hawke is the only mage who apparently never struggles with this. It was a hard cut. [source]

User: I would LOVE to hear more details about this! I don’t suppose there’s any chance of a short story?

DG: I don't even remember the details of the story, sorry. There was a fight, and you caught the bad guy and then realized none of it was real and woke up idk [source]

DG: I'd want to restore all those alternate lines we cut, meaning people forget they'd met you. Or that they knew you were a mage. Or, oh god, that maybe they'd romanced you in DAO. So much carnage. [source] I'd want to restore the Act 3 plots we cut only because they were worked on too late, but which would have made the buildup to the mage/templar clash less sudden. Though I don't remember what they were, now. Some never got beyond being index cards posted on the wall. [grimace emoji] [source] As I mentioned elsewhere, I'd want to restore Orsino's end battle so he wouldn't need to turn on you even if you sided with him. And I'd want an end fight with the templars that didn't require Meredith to have red lyrium and go full Tetsuo. [source] Heck, maybe an end decision where you sided with neither the mages nor the templars. Because it certainly ended up feeling like you could brand both sides as batshit pretty legitimately, no? That was never planned, tho. No idea how to make that feel like an actual path atm. [source] Maybe an option to go "umm, Anders... what are you DOING?" 👀 [source] And, of course, a Varric romance, because Mary took that "slimy car salesman" character we'd planned and did the impossible with him. I can feel Mary glaring at me for even suggesting this, tho. [source] Lastly, the original expanded opening to the game which allowed you to spend time with Bethany and Carver BEFORE the darkspawn attacked. And, um, that's about it off the top of my head. Zack Snyder, WHAT PANDORA'S BOX HAVE YOU OPENED. [source] Shit, I remembered two more things: 1) Restore the "Varric exaggerates the heck out of the story" at the beginning of every Act, until Cassandra calls him on it. Yes, that was a thing. 2) Make DA: Exodus. Yes, I am still bitter. [source] God damn it, I meant "Make DA: Exalted March". The DA2 expansion, NOT Exodus since that was DA2's original name and makes no sense. Because the expansion ended with Varric dying, and that will always be on my "things left undone" list. [source]

User: Whaaaat?

DG: Well, you know that scene in Wrath of Khan where Spock goes into the dilithium chamber because he's a Vulcan? Well, imagine that but with Varric and red lyrium and because he's a dwarf. ;) [source]

John Epler: I distinctly remember referencing the bit from MGS4 where you crawl through the microwave corridor in the split screen, while cinematic battle rages on the other half. [source]

DG: It would have been glorious, John. Glorious. [source]

JE: I don't think I've ever been so certain what a shot should look like as I did Hawke coming in and finding Varric in the broken throne, just like when he was telling Cassandra his story. [source]

DG: It would have come full circle! Auggghh, it still kills me. [source]

User: Lord, you folks are a little too good at this.

JE: The true secret behind videogame narrative is knowing how to make yourself seem a lot more clever than you actually are. [source] 'Oh, we TOTALLY planned that.' [source]

User: Ok, this thread [the DA2 regrets thread, which is the big chunks above] but Inquisition.

DG: My regrets about Inquisition are, more or less, the normal kind. Nothing so dramatic, I'm afraid. [source]

User: You can keep your Varric romance, I want a Flemeth romance goddamnit!

DG: I would allow for one flirt option, and then a recording of Kate Mulgrew laughing for three minutes straight. [source]

User: I had a hypothesis about the repetitive caves in DA2. They're repetitive because it's Varric telling the story and he didn't consider them important.  They're like sets in a play.  (Okay, I really suspect it was a time/money/resources thing but I like my fake explanation better.)

DG: Hang a lampshade on it, maybe? Cassandra: "But that's the exact cave you were in last time?" Varric: "Whatever. They all look the same, I'm not THAT kind of dwarf. Can we move on?" [source]

User: that makes sense, hypothetically to make Varric romanceable and keep his arc—that had to happen for the main plot—I imagine you would have to make double the content (or more)? which would've been a tall order given the time/budget constraints the game was under

DG: Right. When it comes to "romance arc" vs. "follower story arc", we generally only had time to do one or the other. Never both. Romancing Varric would have meant not getting the story of his that you did. [source]

Mary Kirby: The one exaggeration I really, REALLY wanted, that we never got to do was Varric narrating his own death scene with Hawke weeping over him, then cutting to Cassandra's pissed off glaring at him. [source]

DG: Haha! The one I wanted was Varric's plot where he takes on the baddies single-handedly, sliding across the floor like Jet Lee, action movie-style, until finally Cassandra gets irritated and he has to admit Hawke & the rest of the party showed up to help. [source]

MK: We did that one! (He didn't do any Jet Lee moves, though.) Jepler gave him letterboxing to get The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly showdown vibes while he shot a ton of mooks single-handed. [source]

DG: Wow. Shows how much I remember. [source]

JE: I found it! I remember seeing this sequence as my treat for doing a bunch of much more challenging work. It was fun to see how far I could push our limited library of animations. [link] [source]

DG: Heh awesome. I could have sworn it was cut, honestly. I think I was even in that meeting. [source]

User: no disrespect but that’s surprising and rich of Mary “Hard in Hightown” Kirby to think DA2 shouldn’t have had a Varric romance when she wrote an entire book of Varric’s self-insert character pining over his Hawke insert character… HIH is the reason we had VHawke Summer 2018

DG: I can't *really* speak for Mary, or how she feels about it now compared to back then. I only know how she felt about it back then, and I'm not sure it was as much the concept of the romance but that Varric's entire story would be bent to "romance arc" ...a very different thing. [source]

JH: I remember pushing to have the first DLC start with Hawke having an option to ask Varric, "Did you tell Cassandra about us?" and if you picked it, Varric would answer, "Of course not, baby. I told her you were sleeping with X..." and then proceed as if you had had a full romance. [source]

DG: I still wonder how that would have gone over. x) [source]

JE: Okay, one more DA2 thing. Putting together the cinematics for this scene was a blast. [link] [source]

MK: These lines are my greatest legacy. I want "Make sure the world knows I died... at Chateau Haine!" inscribed on my tombstone. [source]

JE: I was so glad no one said 'no' to the crane shot. [source]

MK: It needs that crane shot. It's the perfect icing on that cake made from solid cheese. [source]

DG: The designers were all "we need more combat" and I think we were all "I think you underestimate just HOW interesting we can make this dinner party". [source]

JE: And finally. I think @SherylChee wrote the one-liner. I think we had a collection of like, 20. [link] [source]

Sheryl Chee: Yeah! Something like that! I remember submitted a whole bunch and Frank said you only needed one. Wish I'd kept the other fifteen. [source]

JE: A random chooser where, each time through the scene, you get a different one-liner. [source]

JE: DA2 is the project I'm the proudest of. I also absolutely get that it didn't land for a lot of people. But I don't think it's inaccurate to say that, in a lot of ways, DA2 defined my career. [source]  Everyone spent a year working at their maximum ability. I was a fresh cinematic designer and was given all of Varric's content, as well as the Act 1 Finale mission. It was a lot for someone who had been doing the Cinematics thing for literally 6 months. [source]  There's some stuff in there I can't look at without wincing. And there's some stuff I'm genuinely proud of. Not to mention, it was my introduction to most of the writing team. Several of whom I'm still working with today! Albeit in a different capacity [source] Also, weirdly, one of my most enduring memories of Dragon Age 2 is how much Bad Company 2 we'd play at lunch. It was a LOT. [source] Every game I've worked on has a game I played attached to it. ME2 is Borderlands. DA2 is Bad Company 2. DAI is DayZ. I, hmm. There's a progression there. I don't know how I feel about it. [source]

User: Is DA4 going to be tarkov then?

JE: I've kind of churned out of Tarkov for now. Probably Hunt Showdown, at least right now. [source]

User: I think people also don't take nuance into consideration -- like I FULLY acknowledge the flaws in my favorite games and will openly criticize them, but that doesn't mean they're not my favorite games anymore??? You can like and thing and still be critical of it.

JE: A lot of my favourite shit is deeply flawed! I acknowledge it and I think it's interesting to dissect the flaws. [source]

User: I still wish Justice was an actual character in DA2 rather than a plot point.

DG: There was a moment during DAI where we *almost* put in you running into Justice with the Grey Wardens, and he's all "Kirkwall? I never went to Kirkwall" [source]

User: Does that imply that Justice was shoehorned in to DA2?

DG: Nah, it was an in-joke where we thought it'd be fun to suggest that "Justice" was simply some demon that tricked Anders in DA2. Wooo those tricky demons! We didn't do it, though. [source]

User: [about templars]  except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves [source]

User: Can you shed some light for us on how DA was able to do multiple same-sex romance options for different genders but the Mass Effect team treated them like the plague? What process existed for your team that just wasn't their for the other tentpole franchise?

DG: Different people making the decisions, almost different cultures. I don't know what it's like now, but for many years the Mass Effect team and the Dragon Age team were almost like two different studios working within the same building. [source]

User: It truly boggles the mind. Kudos for doing demonstrably better on consistent queer representation than the ME teams. Y'all never needed us to make petitions to try to get the studio's attention and ask them to do better by us. That's the fight we're once again embroiled in now.

DG: Honestly, I don't feel like tut-tutting the Mass Effect team. They did their part, and if they were a bit later to the show than the DA team they certainly did more than almost every other game out there -- and willingly. [source]

Updates begin here

User: So what was the reason for naming Dragon age 2 "Dragon age II" and not using a subtitle?

DG: As I recall, that was purely a publisher decision. I think they wanted to avoid the impression it was an expansion. [source]

User: Is there no chance of ever remaking DA2 under better circumstances? -Somehow remove the repetitiveness of gameplay by making changes and updating the tech and adding much more to the storyline. It could almost be a new very exciting game.

DG: I'd say there's zero chance of that. Let's keep our hopes up for the next DA title instead. [source]

User: I am a little confused here, help me out here please! How exactly was the cut boss battle with Orsino supposed to work out? How it would've kept him from turning against the player?

DG: It means that, if you sided with the templars, the entire boss bottle at the end would have been against Orsino and the mages. No fight against Meredith. The end decision would have been more divergent. [source]

User: I do remember that one of the reasons going around for that, was that resources were going to the transition to Frostbite. I'm still not fully sold on that having been a good choice. I felt that more time should have been given for that transition considering it was made for FPSs

DG: We didn't transition to Frostbite until DAI. Given our time frame for DA2, I don't think we *could* have transitioned to a new engine. [source]

User: Since your talking about the what could have been for DA2. Could you say what your script was for Anthem? Cause I remember reading that you wrote the plot on that game.

DG: I created a setting for Anthem and scripted out a plot - but, as I understand it, almost none of that ended up being used. So it's a bit pointless to talk about what I'd planned, as that'd be for some completely different type of game. [source]

User: [in reference to the exchange above where DG said “Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that.” re: Meredith] except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves. [source]

If I missed a tweet, got the wrong source link or included a tweet twice, feel free to let me know and I’ll correct.

Edit / Update: Post update 22nd April

[thatpinkbetch]

Bkdk Fic Rec

I’ve been inspired to write a fic rec! This one goes out to you @lonely-rabbit

At like, the end of 2018 and the beginning of 2019 I stayed up until 4am every night reading fics, and because I’m such a loser, I made a word doc to keep track of all of them so I wouldn’t forget them.... I tried organizing it by length but it got messy cause I’m ridiculous and cluttered, so sorry! (I’ll save my own for the end alskdjflsdkfj gotta self promote you know). This is going to get...really long, so I’ll put it under a read more! Also, just a heads up, these are all on ao3, in case that’s important to anyone!

Disclaimer: Any fics with mature or explicit content I will add a bolded warning for, even if it’s only a little bit. Normally most fics will be tagged as such, but some fics that are rated as teen I’ve found to be more suggestive than some of those rated as mature, so I will try to point it out where it feels necessary, for anyone who wishes to avoid it.

Fics under 1k:

Illuminate by TheQueen (269 words)

Summary: Bakugou watches the first firework launch and fights to keep his face neutral

Very short, plot is about a case of amnesia, also very cute and well written for that length! Not angsty at all imo

sweaty hands holding secrets - shounentwink (563 words)

Summary: Someone said Midoriya holds secrets in his hair.

It’s not true: He holds it tightly in his hands. Bakugou’s seen it.

I really like this writer! You’ll see quite a bit of them in this post alkdsjfalskdjf

Fics 1k - 10k:

Many sunflowers later - Jeka (2395 words)

Summary: Scholar Midoriya Izuku comes back to the person he left behind after his journey through the kingdom, the mighty dragon clan leader Bakugou Katsuki.

Day 1 of Twin Stars Week 2020: Fantasy AU.

First of all, fantasy au!!! Second of all, jeka!!! (I need to read more of your stuff!!) Anyways, so cute, such lovely, pretty writing, wonderful story telling, and they’re so in love TT_TT

Boom Badoom Boom - warschach (3429 words)

Summary: Izuku's working the kissing booth at the school fair, it just so happens Katsuki has been crushing on him since the first grade.

“Did you—“ Izuku parted his mouth with no sound leaving it, “Did you pay?”

“Yea.”

“For a kiss?”

This one’s a little silly but I love it still. It’s got a “kids in the 80′s over summer vacation” vibe, I think. I love warschach! I should read more of their writing... They have SUCH good bakudeku content! *It’s rated teen but there’s some suggestive content, just a heads up!

Hopeless Ramen-tic - lalazee (7155 words)

Summary:  Midoriya is a cute guy who works at a ramen stall and Bakugou is thirsty as hell, but has to hide it by being an asshat. Another love story.

Ah, so good TT_TT so much sass, such good plot development and story telling for a simple concept *It’s rated as teen but again, it can be suggestive at times!

I’ll share this with you, so leave it behind - yabakuboi (3508 words)

Suammry: For the sake of the story, All Might is never in need of a successor, and, when Izuku saves Katsuki from the sludge monster, encourages young Midoriya down a different path. Thus, Katsuki and Izuku part ways after junior high, as Katsuki enters U.A. and the Midoriyas move overseas. It’s later that Katsuki realizes that there’s something missing, that he drove that something away.

Years after, Katsuki finds him in the last place he looks, in the cereal aisle at the local grocery store of their childhood neighborhood.

So soft, so sweet, so good if you just want to curl up in a comfy blanket and drink hot cocoa and feel warm and cozy and a little in love

The Secret Deku Box - yabakuboi (2241 words)

Summary: “Y’know, Bakugou never, ever talks about girls,” Kaminari says, his voice thoughtful.

“And I wonder why that is.” Ashido rolls her eyes.

“I’m just curious!” Kaminari whines. Kirishima drags the box out, unlabeled and unassuming, the lid not even fully clasped over the edges. “The guy has to— Whoa, what’s that?”

Kirishima realizes a little belatedly that this is a serious breach of privacy, and Bakugou will actually murder all of them. “Nothing!” he cries, attempting to shove it back under the bed, but Ashido snatches it away.

“Please be his porn stash!” Kaminari whispers as she whips the lid off.

Cute, funny, in canon, in character, and a must read I would say! 

daisy bunches and heather branches - halcyonwhispers (5862 words)

Summary:  izuku falls in love with the foul-mouthed tattoo artist next door.

Not another flower/tattoo shop au.... aldskjflaskdjfd Okay but punk!Bakugou is ALWAYS a smart move imo

the best part of me (is the worst I can give) - halcyonwhispers (5668)

Summary: Whole sentences usually make up people’s Words, but Katsuki got stuck with a name instead.

Izuku’s name.

I am such a sucker for soulmate aus when it comes to these boys TT_TT *There is some mature content, just a heads up!

Hard to Say - halcyonwhispers (8390 words)

Summary: Izuku is a Halfling, born after his faerie father spirited away his mom and then left her behind. Never quite fitting in with the humans or any of the supernatural beings in his small town, Izuku hoped that going to a diverse college in the big city will help him finally make friends.

Katsuki’s family has been powerful witches for generations, and he’s no different. Talented and a proclaimed genius to boot, he knew he shouldn’t waste his time on this dumbass (disgustingly cute) half-blood.

Or,

two idiots fall in love and don’t get that the other’s awkward cues are just a result of romantic tension.

I am ALSO a sucker for fantasy/mythical creatures au and I LOVED this one - Bakugou absolutely unable to handle how cute Midoriya is? Perfection - but it’s unfinished, and I don’t think it ever will be continued, unfortunately TT_TT

lots to unpack (throw away the whole suitcase) - shounentwink (4315 words)

Summary: “How’d you know?” Midoriya asks.

There’s a hunch to his shoulders that wasn’t there three hours ago. Freckled shoulders are kissed sunburnt and red: he looks like someone ran him over and left him like roadkill in the sunlight. Bakugou’s working with insurance today, but he could see the sparks of green lightning even from his elevated position in their shared agency. Midoriya’s holding his thumb, cracking it over and over — it looks like he’s rubbed it raw.

“Dunno,” Bakugou says. “Maybe you’re just easy to read, nerd.”

I love this one so much, it was one of the first ones I read, it’s so good, and it’s another that really affected how I view their relationship! Idk this one just hit for me

hang the moon from us (it’s a no from me) - shounentwink (1200 words)

Summary: Midoriya’s gonna get sick of Bakugou one of these days, and then the whole ruse will be over, and the balance of power will tilt beyond salvation, but that day isn’t today and it looks like Bakugou knows it.

What an asshole.

Once again, I’m a sucker for the fantasy au... But even more, the diction, the details, the imagery...it’s absolutely all stunning here. I wish I could write this pretty

In Which Bakugou Finds His One Tru Luv - Erina (5862 words) This is the first one of a series called The Misadventures of Explodo-kill Agency!

Summary:  Welcome to the Explodo-kill agency! We can destroy your buildings, crash your cars, and help you solve one of the seven mysteries in life: who is Bakugou Katsuki's mysterious boyfriend?!

I’ll admit I’ve only read the first three but by god they are the funniest fics I’ve ever read in my life. I see that Erina has added more since the last time I checked it out! Tbh I was only interested in reading the purely bakudeku ones... (My favorite was the second one!! SO funny and cute!)

i still do - raeryn (9646 words)

Summary:  He’s losing him to pieces, but Izuku still tries to make them count. In which a battle leaves Bakugou Katsuki with amnesia, and Izuku finds himself picking up the pieces.

So, this one makes me cry. TT_TT

One Thing Straight - winningshot (9899 words)

Summary: They totally aren't.

Hints of their relationship is found in all of their friends’ social media accounts, but majority of their fans still think that Katsuki and Izuku are in relationships with anybody but each other.

It was amusing up until it became sad.

Lmao it’s a little salty but I guess I can be too. This is a social media fic! There’s multiple ships in this one, too

A Demolition Boy & his Cryptid BF - kewltie (8472 words)

Summary: Bakugou of the Demolition Squad is famous for running one of the most popular Youtube channels on the web that regularly blow shit up and jumped off a perfectly good building for shit and giggles. He's also famous for his Cryptid BF™, never appearing on camera except for a few bodyshots and all information on him is kept locked up tighter than Fort Knox, therefore drawing all sort of attention and curiosity toward his mysterious boyfriend.

Deku from Deku Explains is a hopeless chatterbox who is known for uploading 20-30 minutes video that talked about his favorite shows and comics and have one of the most devoted following on Youtube. He also can't seem to shut up about his boyfriend Kacchan, who regularly make his presence on the channel as a disembodied voice.

They should theoretically have nothing in common except a shared platform to host their content and an army of fans with an endless curiosity and devotion to their Youtubers. Vidcon is where we lay our scene and the internet is about to get a rude wake up call.

Okay kewltie is SO GOOD and very creative! The formatting is phenomenal, it’s like you’re actually experiencing a social media melt down in real time lol

be my good luck charm - writedeku (6785 words)

Summary: See, the thing is, Midoriya Izuku had been born with a curse. It’s not a curse that’s particularly visible. He doesn’t have horns, or a tortured face, and it’s not the kind of silly curse like a friend of his had way down south in Diagnor, wherein the girl had been born without the ability to say the word duck. Midoriya Izuku is just extremely unlucky.

(Or the AU in which Izuku's the world's unluckiest travelling merchant, and Katsuki is someone who may be able to help him. For a price, that is.)

Oh I adore this one! It’s so cute and such a good narrative! Nice and warm, and Bakugou trying his damnedest to be suave, and it somehow working because Midoriya is just as flustered. *Another one rated as teen but some suggestive content.

Smells Like Victory - majjale (2377 words)

Summary: Bakugou takes two steps into the room and stops, clapping a hand over his nose. “Ugh, what stinks like Deku in here?”

"Good afternoon, Bakugou. That would be the amortentia."

I must admit, not a fan of HP, but majjale...TT_TT majjale writes these two boys so well. This one is really, really good!

Cherish Me - Justaperson1718 (2376 words)

Summary: “What?”

Izuku looked back down at his menu and flipped the page, a small smile on his face. “Nothing.”

Katsuki glared at Izuku from across the table. “If it was nothing then you wouldn’t be staring at me.”

“It’s just a little funny watching you try to look your best for our date when you always look great anyway,” Izuku explained. He wouldn’t look up from his menu while he spoke, but his words remained ingrained with confidence nevertheless. He considered what he was saying to be fact, and nothing else. “Even when you’re not trying in front of the cameras, it’s still hard to take my eyes off of you.”

This is a sequel to a fic that’ll be in the next section, because it’s longer, called Manage Me. Please read that one first before this one! (Not part of a series, but they’re the same story line)

Fascinating - Justaperson1718 (1556 words)

Summary: “I’m not staring at you,” Izuku replied, his eyes focused intently on Katsuki. He’s still wearing his pajamas, sitting on his knees in their shared bed. He was awake moments before Katsuki, and waited eagerly for the other to awake.

Katsuki glanced over his shoulder after his shirt was on and glared. “You’re fucking staring at me right now.”

Izuku shook his head, humming his disapproval quietly. “I’m watching you.”

“That’s the same damn thing,” Katsuki said while searching for a pair of pants in the dresser. “Your eyes are fixated on me like I’m your life’s fucking goal or some shit.”

“I just like watching you get dressed.” Izuku tilted his head to the side and smiled softly at Katsuki’s confused stare. “I know, it’s weird. But I like it.”

*There is a little bit of implied mature content, but overall, it’s just so sweet and intimate, and I just simply adore this one.

in a place once filled with gold - dorenamryn (9226 words)

Summary: It felt strange to remember such details, for they were things a friend should know, and as far as Katsuki was concerned, he and Deku hadn’t been friends in a very, very long time. He could admit, with reluctance, that they were on the path there, now, even though they would never make it. Katsuki would die before they could get the chance.

or: There is a garden growing in Katsuki’s lungs, and he is helpless to stop it.

“Hanahaki disease” okay, I can explain myself. Okay, I can’t. In any case, you got angst with a happy ending if that’s what you’re into!

Kaleidoscope - DPRenFTW (5141 words)

Summary: Izuku is a witch. He just needs to find his familiar. Enter a boy that is a wolf, and a wolf that is a boy - with wild red eyes and sharp smiles.

And Izuku thinks:

"Oh, it's him."

Just as beautiful and fascinating as the name implies! I seriously recommend for the beautiful writing, the gorgeous world, the mythical creatures au, and the lovely bakudeku romance!

Learning Curve - sensiblysilly (4222 words)

Summary: Deku and Katsuki’s first kiss goes rather differently than planned.

And Katsuki’s quickly learning that relationships can be unpredictable - especially when taking into account the variable that is Midoriya Izuku.

This really is just a careful handling of a teenage romance where perhaps one of them may have shit they’re still working through. It’s really sweet, and a careful study at boundaries and the building of a relationship. I actually stumbled across this while looking for another with the same name and ended up pleasantly surprised. Kacchan can has a little validation, as a treat.

4/20 is a national holiday - Ereri_Garbage (

Summary: Izuku is a drug dealer that doesn't really accept the fact he's a drug dealer, Katsuki is hot as hell as shouldn't be allowed a facebook.

Happy (Late) birthday Katsuki and happy (late) 4/20. I actually half assed an edit on this one so it took longer to post than I thought it would.

Uummmm lmao yes I have a sense of humor. ;ALDSKJFLSKDJF Okay, I say that, but this is not a crack fic, it’s a good story that I enjoy with good writing, and *it has mature, content, obviously for multiple reasons here. It’s rated as mature but there are borderline explicit moments imo. It’s a fun fic and funny, too! And, ngl, it really does remind me of college... But forget about me, the bakudeku is wonderful too of course :)

Drinking Watermelon - warschach (8906 words)

Summary: For whatever reason, maybe divine fate, Izuku turned and looked over his shoulder and waved to them.

Katsuki’s heart full on stopped right then, and his fingers forgot their duty on the rails, and his body neglected its job to keep Katsuki balanced.

Izuku’s summer sweet smile fell into concern as Katsuki went airborne and cracked his skull on the porch.

or Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.

Love it when people have Bakugou as absolutely enamored with Midoriya; it’s so good and true. Anyways this one makes me like summer camp story lines. It’s funny and also cute and great writing! *It’s got explicit content, just a heads up. Warschach stories just have this youthful 80′s vibe, I don’t know how else to explain it.

there are listed buildings - semiautomatichearts (3309)

Summary: Katsuki first sees colors bloom when he is only three years old. It is timid Izuku, hiding behind the cover of his mother's leg who looks upon him with wide eyes, and Katsuki's world explodes in shades of greens and pinks and blues, and he is so startled, he begins to cry.

His life is then on defined in color, in shades his peers can't see, by the forlorn, timid stare in Izuku's eyes that always lets off more than he is willing to tell. There is a schism driven between himself and his fated other, and Katsuki strives to be better than fate, better than what is defined for him. He is more than the written pages of a book, to be cracked open and read by the gods.

He wonders if it is possible for colors to bloom for someone who will never love you back.

Ah...soulmates :) So interesting how bakudeku fits into soulmate aus like this one when they’ve known each other as kids! And when they’ve had this complex push and pull thing going on all their lives! The writing is beautiful, and so is the story!

Promise Ring - bkdkwritingsdump (3579)

Summary:  The midwest in the 1950′s is no place for boys who like kissing boys: something Izuku and Katsuki know all too well growing up there. However, the undeniable bond between the nervous science geek and the aloof delinquent will still find a way to blossom in such a desert.

Cute, sweet, makes my gay heart ache. Longing not just for the one you love, but just to feel right loving them. Very pretty story line, lovely story telling!

Fics 10k - 30k:

Fishy - warschach (19417 words)

Summary: Izuku’s convinced his hot co-worker/neighbor, Katsuki, is a mermaid-or merman- you gotta consider genders even with mythical creatures- and plans to prove it.

(or this is kinda like the show ‘Monster Quest’, except Izuku actually finds said monster, falls in love, and have sexy times.)

Another warschach! I love this one, I love how they write bakudeku, particularly as college students, their stories (at least, the ones that I’ve read) always feel so warm, like a summer’s day, but not a lazy one, one that’s playful? If that makes sense? *This one is explicit, another heads up!

Manage Me - Justaperson1718 (10756 words)

Summary: Izuku caught himself moving forward, his head tilted somewhat to the side, and his eyes shot wide open. His gaze met Katsuki’s half-lidded eyes now that he was no longer in a dreamlike state, and seeing the way Katsuki was looking at him—waiting for him—made him realize Katsuki would’ve let him do it. He might have even wanted him to do it.

“You’re both doing fabulous!” the photographer called out to them, packing his camera into his bag and getting ready to leave. “I just got word that what we have now should be good, so we’ll stop there. Thank you for your time! Lock the door on your way out after you change.”

The pair stayed frozen in place, with Izuku’s arms around Katsuki’s neck and Katsuki’s hands resting on Izuku’s waist, while the photographer and his supervisor left.

“Kacchan,” Izuku cooed once they were gone. “Did you want to…?”

Love the story, love the bakudeku! Very, very good bakudeku TT_TT very sweet *There is some mature content in here as well

point to a map (we’ve been there) - cosmicfuss (10589 words)

Summary: Serendipity / sĕr″ən-dĭp′ĭ-tē Serendipity is the occurrence of an unplanned fortunate discovery. Two men find themselves on a subway, hot coffee on one while the other is in the middle of a screaming match. After that they can't seem to stop finding each other, no matter how far they go.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; this fic owns my entire soul. I love the story, the ease of their relationship, just how lovely they are together. It’s another kind of nice, fluffy fic you’d read on a bad day where you come home and curl up in a blanket and listen to a ten hour video of thunderstorm white noise. *Again, some more mature content in here

Partners - tsukithewolf (13619 words) Another series! Two parts to this one this time

Summary: It is said that in Musutafu there is a charm that one can buy at a temple that will lead you to your destined partner. They say that if the charm works, you would be able to follow the red string of fate to the person you were meant to be with. And if the person returns your feelings, they would be able to see the string as well, proving that both were meant to be.

Three-year-old Katsuki and Izuku misunderstand what the word "partner" means and discover the charm and the rumor behind it is not only true, but more than expected.

Gets a little heavy, depression, bullying, suicidal thoughts, etc. But it must get worse before it gets better, that kind of thing. I also just adore the second part (called Bond) - maybe because it’s much fluffier, what about it?

Learning Curve - iknewaman (10304 words)

Summary: “Izuku.” Uraraka repeats as she motions at the person stood next to her. Green curls, average height, and, well. Up close, not such a bad smile. Uraraka points a thumb at Bakugou and enunciates slowly, “This is Bakugou. He can speak sign language too.”

Wait. Sign language?

The stranger— well, Izuku— looks at him with a raised brow. Their free hand lifts up as they make a slight motion of the hand.‘

Really?’

*

Bored out of his mind at a house party one night Bakugou is introduced to Izuku, a deaf student who offers to help teach Bakugou sign language in exchange for a favour-- or well, is prompted into asking for a favour.

Ah, I really want to explain this one a little bit? I’d never been into fanfiction ever, only really getting into it with these boys. This was the second one I read, I remember, and it caught me off guard, and it intrigued me. It really surprised me as to what fanfiction could be. Ngl I had biased perceptions of fanfics - I used to be one of those people who thought fanfiction could never be good writing - and this one slapped me in the face with it’s subtle beauty and creative story and heart melting capabilities, and very, very real relationship and growth. Anyways it’s so cute how happy Deku is to teach Kacchan sign language TT_TT Make sure to read the tags!

The Keeper and the Sun God’s Heir - SurelyHeavenWaits (12746 words)

Summary:  The Titans' have stolen something important from Izuku, heir of the Sun God, and he wants it back.

This one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one this one- Oh my god this one. Okay so what, I was a Percy Jackson kid, what about it? I love the mythical aus, particularly the god ones. But beyond that, the writing is so beautiful, just like the world, and the imagery. The bakudeku...absolutely stunning. The story itself? Incredible. Cannot recommend more. *There is explicit content in this, though I will say, it’s all in the last chapter, and all of the story is in the first two chapters. There’s also a second part as it’s a series and it’s short but it’s cute and sweet TT_TT

seven days - aaAAAaaahhhhHHHHH (10094 words)

Summary: There’s something about the green haired boy, an aura that just drew Katsuki in before he even knew his name.

[Sometimes your mind forgets, but your heart remembers]

Heed my warning: DON’T read this in front of other people. I bawl every time I read this one TT_TT I know I said I don’t like angst but AJLSKDFJALSKDFJ it has a hopeful ending! I mean yeah you’re gonna cry but...hope? :’) (that username really says it all tbh)

Fics 30k+

Notice me, nerd - useless_donut (40000 words)

Summary: Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out.

Will the class of 3-A survive the sexual tension? Who will snap first? Someone put Bakugou out of his misery, please, before everyone else dies of second-hand embarrassment.

(a love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A)

Love the idea of Bakugou being brazen and brash, cause yeah, he is. So fucking funny though how that translates to him flirting. Gotta say, thought I was gonna cringe, but his “I’m gay af” outfit really ended up being A Look. Love the mutual pining, it really is strong in this one. *Okay, mature content in this one lads.

While You Were Sleeping - Belkacaramelka (71197 words)

Summary: The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Quirkless AU based on the film; endgame BakuDeku. -- Katsuki didn’t know when the change had happened: how he had gone from asking why Todoroki chose Deku of all people, to wondering why it was Todoroki that Deku chose. Troublesome Deku, who cooed like an idiot at cats, tripped at a random catcall and sang badly. Who, despite everything, proved that it wasn’t the quirk that defined a person. Deku, who was too much, not his, and undeniably off limits to begin with.

Update: Epilogue added

*This one has mature content. If you can, please, for the love of god, read this fic. It’s like, tied with my favorite bkdk fic perhaps ever. It’s based on the movie of the same title, a nineties romcom with Sandra Bullock, but Belkacaramelka has so effortlessly made it into it’s own story, fit it so perfectly inside of the bnha world. I definitely stayed up until 6:30am reading this one. It’s got such good badass Midoriya, who is also sweet, and really really good reconciliation between bakudeku.

All Gifted - fitzefitcher (39129 words)

Summary: The thing about gifts is that they're meant to be given, they're meant to be shared; so Izuku will take his gifts, so freely given to him, and share them with all he holds dear.

Izuku is born without any gifts, as his kind often are, to a witch mother and salamander father, on one sweltering night in July.

This one is unfinished...and I highly doubt it will ever be. But what has been written is incredible. Once again, I’m a sucker for the magic/mythical creatures aus. But the relationship is great! The characterization is great! The found family trope that was building up is great!

under a hollow sun - umbrage (40572 words)

Summary: Midoriya is cursed with emptiness.

Misfortune leads him to a man of ancient magic and endless rage.

To stop an unfathomable evil, their mismatched halves must become whole.

Uuuggghhhh this was so good! I don’t think it’s going to be finished either :( Once again, fantasy au, more amazing writing, on point characterization, incredible pacing, makes you hungry for more story.

all the savage soul requires - majjale (58032 words)

Summary: Bakugou seems to have exhausted his patience for words and no longer acknowledges that Midoriya exists, so Midoriya crosses his legs, stares down at his hands limned in firelight, and makes a list of things he knows.

One. His name is Midoriya Izuku.

Two. He is a Godmarked, future god of life, heir to the divine throne.

Three. The gods have been fighting Death for eons, and now he's coming for recompense with everything he’s got.

This is majjale, so of course, the writing is more than beautiful; it’s absolutely breathtaking. This may be my favorite fic ever - unfortunately I don’t think it will ever be finished either TT_TT There’s the gods/fantasy au, which you know by now I love. But the characterization of our two boys is absolutely perfect, and I mean that as literally as possible. And the story being crafted between the two, the memory loss, the obvious history muddled by it all, it was so dense, and the PINING, so incredibly written, flowing so naturally. It wasn’t even close to being done, but it was wonderful, still is wonderful. 

My Writing: (You can skip this if you hate shameless self promotion)

You’re too damn flicking cute (1815 words)

Summary:  Bakugou is certain his shitty boyfriend is instigating kisses. Maybe it doesn't help that he keeps giving them away like it's a damn going out of business sale, but the stupid nerd is too fucking cute. Either way, like everything else, this is a competition, and he's going to win it.

Please don’t read this unless you’re going to the dentist afterwards! I’ve been told it’s so sweet it’ll give you instant cavities >_>;;;;

Bakugou Katsuki, you smooth motherfucker (10118 words)

Summary: Everyone around him knows that Bakugou Katsuki has a very special way with words. To the untrained ear he is loud and crass; to those that speak Kacchan, he is caring and inspiring. Yet there are rare moments, moments so fleeting you blink and you miss them, where Bakugou’s words pierce straight through Midoriya’s chest, and surprise everyone around him.

Goddammit, if only he would say them to Midoriya’s face.

Or, the five times Bakugou said something nice about Midoriya, and the one time he said something kind to him (but that was too long of a title).

I think most would consider this my best published fic; it’s one of those snapshot fics, “the five times where x did this, and the one time where they didn’t.” The recurring comment I get on this one is both of them being super in character, so I think that’s it’s defining characteristic! Bakugou and Midoriya have never known a life without the other, and in a perfect world, they never will.

Here, let me fix that (11247 words)

Summary: Bakugou honestly never thought he’d see Deku ever again. And now that they were together in this tiny compartment, alone for the next two and a half minutes, he had no clue what to say. He’d just apologized, right? So perhaps he could leave it at that and carry on with the original plan to never see the green-haired man that reminded him of dense forests, late night adventures, and tear-stained faces, ever again.

Ha! Who is he kidding? These bitches are soulmates.

I’ve gotten some critiques on this one, so sorry in advance if it’s not to your liking! Basically, what if Midoriya never got his quirk? Obviously, life would find a way to put them together because, as previously stated, these bitches are soulmates.

Plenty of Time (16654 words)

Summary: Bakugou found what little sleep he got restless and filled with nightmares that he forgot the second he opened his eyes. Tonight was the first time in a long time where he just had a normal dream - and it happened to be about Deku.

How fucking typical.

In other words, two dorks realize they have feelings for each other but don't know what to do about said feelings.

Ah, my first fic. Very simple, boys being boys, kinda like a slow burn? Idk how to explain this one, just boys figuring out their feelings and trying to figure out what to do about them. Been told these two are a little stupid but I think that’s valid.

We’re all time bombs waiting to explode (39223 words)

Summary: We have now entered the slipstream of time, into an alternate dimension where it neither is, nor isn’t, the 80’s. Two teenagers, burdened with the weight of adolescence in the modern world, find themselves struggling side by side, in part because of each other.

Bakugou, the most popular boy in school, has everything he could possibly want; status, power, and an unbreakable will. Having been dragged along behind him all the way to the top, Midoriya can’t help but wonder how (and why) he ended up standing beside his childhood friend-turned bully-turned friend again, weighed down by their complicated past and present. As the tension between them grows every day, and the arrival of a new, pretty face causes it to peak, it won’t be long before something - or someone - snaps.

I am...very bad at titles, and summaries apparently. This was my Heathers au, but it very quickly diverges from the original (I don’t do sad endings....) *This one has mature content, including implied sexual activity, drug use, and underage drinking, along with other heavy topics; please read the tags! Though tbh Midoriya is 17 for a couple weeks before it hits his birthday halfway through, so keep that in mind I guess? I kind of went heavy with this one, but I think the pay off was immense. This is the one with the most amount of comments stating it’s their favorite bkdk fic ever (and I cry). It’s a rough start, with a rough journey, but so is bakudeku! There’s a lot of petty drama, and then all of a sudden it’s Not That Petty and very much Far Too Real. Many have cried reading the ending, I cried writing it. My sister says it’s her favorite of mine. Now, I did kind of push this out without polishing it so much because I was losing my willpower, so if it feels lacking, that’s one hundred percent my fault.

Okay that was a lot! It took me a couple days...I hope I wasn’t too annoying with all my opinions! Please have a nice day. and enjoy some good reads, even if they aren’t the ones in this post!

[causeknight]

4 rules for a better tumblr experience

I just had an... Interesting conversation with someone through DMs. I chose to block them in the end since things were getting needlessly aggressive, so I’d like to make something positive out of the experience to get closure on it.

1. Boundaries are important - You can block people for any reason, that’s why the button is so readily accessible. People may criticise you for blocking, hell I’ve criticised people for blocking me in the past, but that comes from ego. Your boundaries are more important than anyone’s ego, and Past-Owen is just gonna have to suck that up. If you feel the desire to block someone, do it. 9/10 times it will make your life better instantly.

2. People have lives outside of the internet - 1 of the things this person said was “Bruh this was HOURS ago, why are you responding now?” as if that’s meant to be a long time? Yes, it was hours ago... Like 8 hours ago... I’ve been out with friends all day so I haven’t checked notifications for 8 hours. A part of me finds it really funny that someone can perceive 8 hours as enough time for something to become irrelevant, but another part of me finds it disturbing. It’s been less than 24 hours and you’re acting as if I’ve dragged up some 2 year old drama, where does this feeling come from? Another anecdote from our friend in the hyperbolic time chamber “You’ve been silent since I responded, got nothing more to say?” Mate it’s been 5 minutes. I went to grab a snack and talk to my parents and you’ve interpreted that as silence?

Personal digs aside, I hope that you, dear reader, bear in mind that time is somewhat meaningless online. You are very rarely having real-time conversations with people the same way a face-to-face conversation would work. Don’t expect immediate responses and don’t be surprised if it takes hours, or days, for someone to reply to you.

3. You should also have a life outside of the internet - I’ve been down this road myself, I think a lot of people were during lockdown. Spending all day, every day online can affect your mood in a lot of bad ways. You become more irritable, less empathetic, generally just more of an asshole. Humans need physical connections, we need a variety of hobbies, we need things that anchor us in terms of behaviour and expectations.

If you’ve recently found yourself getting angry at things or people online over the past few days, I would legitimately recommend a social media detox. You’d be surprised how much your mood lifts when you aren’t subjecting yourself to hostile online environments. Plus the free time you get from not scrolling through feeds and dashes for a week can be put towards another hobby. The 1 big thing that stops a lot of people is FOMO. “What will happen if I miss a week’s worth of posts?” Good question, can you even think of 5 posts that you saw over a week ago? Did any of them change your life? If you answered “Nah mate” to both of these questions, then you should not be afraid to miss out.

4. Pick your battles - Perhaps contrary to what I just said in point 3, SOMETIMES you can justify getting angry and having an argument, but you DO have to justify it. Arguing over politics, or something deeply meaningful to you? Worth pursuing, try not to lose your cool. Arguing over food or interior design or... IDK fucking how to brush your teeth “correctly”? Not worth it, what’s the point? We only have so much time in the day, don’t waste it talking about meaningless crap, let alone getting angry over said crap!

FUCK this post ran long! And to think I wrote this partially out of spite, hot damn. Please consider this an internet checkpoint. Take a deep breath, unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, maybe do some stretches and re-fill your drink.

[kpopfanfictrash]

Hi Shanna! I really liked how detailed and technical ur dance ranking of twice was--as someone who has no formal dance experience, it was enlightening. Would u mind doing one for bts? Only if u want to of course :)

Hello! I have a few of these in my inbox, so yes! I will do this one for bts (but then I must stop before this becomes my blog LOL). I’ll give the same caveats I gave for Twice, though. 1) Dance is always somewhat subjective because it’s an art form. I can talk about technique, but at a certain point my favorite dancer might not be someone else’s favorite dancer because of performance quality, and 2) ALL OF BTS ARE GREAT DANCERS! You don’t become a professional performance artist without already being head and shoulders above the rest. At the end of the day, all are fantastic. 

NOTE: Please don’t use my words on any other platform/to respond to the boys. I’m posting only to give some insight to their skills, not to try and critique BTS. They have dance coaches, trainers and choreographers for that. They absolutely do not need some random person on the internet telling them what they should be doing.

With that in mind, here are my personal thoughts/loose ranking of bts at dancers:

1. Jimin. Not that I’m biased. LOL but seriously, part of the reason I’m drawn to Jimin is because he’s such a fantastic performer. With dance, a lot of people think it’s just body type which can make or break a dancer. To some extent, this is true. If you aren’t born with amazing arches, turnout or flexibility, there’s only so much you can do to improve. That said, there’s a certain intrinsic performance quality which also can’t be taught. You either have it, or you don’t and Jimin has it. It’s mesmerizing to watch him on stage. He has such fantastic control when he dances; his execution of choreography is flawless, but he also puts his own spin on things without standing out too much (a bad thing, when you’re dancing as part of a group!) Jimin does have a background in contemporary/ballet,  which is different from Hobi. One of the places this is visible is in how grounded Jimin is with his transitions/how he finishes his movements. This is SUPER dorky of me lmao, but one of my favorite moves I’ve ever seen him do is this roll up from the ground at 2:05. The absolute CONTROL Jimin has; his heels don’t move an inch, which is so hard to do. Another impressive move to me was the jump Jimin did in the Dynamite dance break (1:09). Neil Haskell did this freaking move all the time on SYTYCD lmao, and it was a staple “trick” on the dance circuit for years, because it’s hard and requires a gymnast/martial arts background. LOTS of control and complicated timing. I could honestly go on for pages about Jimin’s performance quality, but I’ll stop and say one other thing. I occasionally see people praising Jimin as an amazing contemporary dancer (on par with professional contemporary dancers), and I do think it’s important to clarify Jimin diverged from that path nearly ten years ago to become an Idol dancer. Those are two very different styles of dance and although Jimin is FANTASTIC, it’s okay for him not to be the best at every single dance style! lol he’s the first one to say (because he has, while watching the black swan orchestral video) he couldn’t do some of the things professional contemporary dancers can do. (I will add though, yoongi is also right in that I have full faith Jimin COULD have done those things, had he chosen to pursue that path). ANYWAYS. I’ve rambled enough about how much I love Jimin. ONWARD!

2. Hoseok. Surprise, surprise! LOL okay, so let me start by saying out of all BTS, Hoseok is what I consider the smartest dancer. What I mean by that is, the man never burns out. He knows when to conserve his energy and when to go all out. Hoseok is the master of rise and fall in intensity, and there’s a reason he’s highly regarded by all dancers in the industry. Hoseok also seems to have a choreographer’s mind, whereas you don’t see this as much with Jimin. To clarify, being a dancer and being a choreographer are two separate things. It’s like being a soccer player versus being a coach. Being a choreographer requires a big-picture mentality not all dancers have. Hoseok has this though, and you can see this in the natural leadership role he takes whenever they’re rehearsing on their own. He sees mistakes, fixes transitions, etc. (it’s hot, but I digress). Hoseok has a background in various styles of hip-hop, which is really clear when he freestyles. He’s demonstrated popping, tutting, locking and more, which you really only learn through rigorous hip-hop training. His MMA 2019 solo is WILD because he showcases like, five different styles all within a minute. They’re all sub-genres of a genre (hip-hop), if that makes sense. He doesn’t have the same contemporary background as Jimin, which is somewhat apparent whenever BTS leans into more contemporary styles (spring day, black swan, etc). Hobi is good, don’t get me wrong, but his spot isn’t as natural, he’s not as flexible and sometimes you see him overthinking movements. But anyways, Hoseok fancams are the BEST. Go watch one today.

3. Jungkook. Jungkook has improved SO. MUCH. Y’ALL. I can’t stress this enough! A lot of BTS fans probably remember Big Hit sent Jungkook to LA for a few months prior to debut to get him to loosen up in his dancing/improve his performance quality, and boy did he ever. Overall, I think Jungkook’s biggest strengths are his 1) endless stamina (wtf lol) and 2) lately, performance quality. When I’m talking about stamina, I mean Jungkook always goes full-fucking-out in performances and it catches the audience’s eye. One example which comes to mind was during MMA 2019 Dionysus. If you start at like, 2:10, BTS does this really exhausting floor part and then you see everyone around him conserving their energy as they move into the next chorus. It’s supposed to be a breather in the choreo lmao but Jungkook is FULL OUT. It’s his intensity and strength which really makes him stand out as a dancer. If I had written this a year ago, I would’ve said Jungkook’s biggest weakness is contemporary dance. The flip side of the coin to being strong is it can be difficult to slow things down and display the same intensity with slower music. Then, he went and did Black Swan. Like... just watch this spring day performance and contrast it with this black swan one for jungkook. He has gotten SO MUCH BETTER at staying grounded, moving through his transitions, instead of rushing past them to get to the next step. I’m just really proud of him. I still think hobi + jimin have a leg up on him, but Jungkook is a close third.

4. Taehyung. When you get to Taehyung + Yoongi, things start to get blurry. But since this is a list of my personal preferences, I’m going to put Taehyung first because for me, performance is everything. In my opinion, Taehyung’s performance quality is second only to Jimin. More immature dancers will often refer to performance as “making faces.” I.e., purse your lips on count five, smile on count 8 and frown on count 1. A mature dancer though, knows dancing is really an extension of acting. You need to embody the emotions of the song and convey them to your audience, and not just through your facial expressions! I think Tae does a really great job of this, and I’ll often watch his fancams, even though his dance technique isn’t as strong as say, Jimin or Hobi. That’s Taehyung’s main weakness, in my opinion. If he’d started dancing at an earlier age, or taken ballet/contemporary.... lord, idk LOL. help us all.  

5. Yoongi. THIS MAN! Used to be a b-boy and the background is crystal clear if you’ve ever watched a Yoongi fancam (and if you haven’t, what are you doing with your life?) There’s an effortless quality to his movement and, when he wants to, his strength + performance quality rival Jungkook or Taehyung. That said, I think the main reason I’m not ranking Yoongi above them is consistency. Yoongi, simply put, isn’t a dancer. He’s a rapper/producer who likes to dance and enjoys dancing as part of BTS. I’m not saying he doesn’t like it, but it’s not his main passion, unlike some of the others. His intensity can vary depending on his visibility, which again, isn’t a bad thing. When Yoongi does turn it on, he turns it ON. He’s also very comfortable onstage, which is important. Yoongi doesn’t hesitate in his improv (esp. in his solos or rap line performances), which gives his stage quality a more natural ease.  

6/7. Namjoon + Seokjin. I honestly don’t know who I would put as seventh; it’s hard to pick. And again, I don’t consider either of them to be bad dancers. It’s just when you have a group of people and some have prior dance experience/a strong passion for dance, and some don’t... it is what it is! I will say I think both Seokjin and Namjoon have grown tremendously over the past years. They’ve become so much more comfortable onstage, and it really shows in their performance quality. Sometimes, being confident you won’t look stupid is half the battle LOL. The other thing I’ll say is their execution of choreography is always down pat. You’ll rarely see either one messing up the steps, which means they practice a LOT. Sure, there are areas where their technique could be improved. Quality of transitions, staying grounded through difficult moves, always using their spot on turns... but I think it’s amazing that, despite their lack of formal dance training, they both keep up with some of the above dancers. Like... fuck it up, guys. 

and that’s all! thank you for reading if you made it this far LOL WOO, BTS!

[waveypedia]

complete and utter chaos [ducktales group chat fic] - Chapter 3

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Ao3 Chapter 4

let kids be kids

6:04 am

TheWebbedWonder: hey guess what

adefinitelyrealboy: Isn’t it before the approved technology time set by Mr. Uncle Donald?

TheWebbedWonder: brilliance waits for no rule, Boyd!

adefinitelyrealboy: Okay!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: you’re corrupting him, webs.

Lou: eh let her

TheWebbedWonder: whatever

TheWebbedWonder: it’s been a while since we had a sleepover…

lenaonme: oh yeah!!!

ICanDeweyIt: and Boyd’s never been to one!!

adefinitelyrealboy: you’re right!! 

adefinitelyrealboy: what does one do at a sleepover?

TheWebbedWonder: They’re super fun!!!

TheWebbedWonder: we watch movies and have pillow fights and discover family mysteries and summon supernatural creatures and fight said supernatural creatures and eat lots of junk food!!!!!

adefinitelyrealboy: Sounds fun!!!

Lou: lmao i love our family

ICanDeweyIt: @Violet-Sabrewing you up? Important convos happening here

Violet-Sabrewing: I am now

lenaonme: vi you’re not fooling anyone

lenaonme: we all know you get up at sunrise

Lou: yeah she’s crazy

Violet-Sabrewing: True, but I was reading.

Junior-Woodchuck74: fair!

lenaonme: omg nerds

TheWebbedWonder: Ok so are we on??

TheWebbedWonder: what about Friday night?

ICanDeweyIt: what’s happening on Friday night?

TheWebbedWonder: it’s the two thousandth anniversary of the Magical Battle of Demogogorna!!!!

Lou: ok hear me out

Lou: can we PLEASE have a sleepover that doesn’t consist of crazy dangerous magical shenanigans for once

Lou: I just wanna sit on the couch and watch scary movies

Junior-Woodchuck74: you do that every day anyways

Lou: yeah but I watch other stuff like Ottoman Empire

Lou: there’s a difference, hubert!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: whatever

Violet-Sabrewing: Thursday night works for Lena and I, but we should check with the adults.

TheWebbedWonder: yeah I’ll ask them when it’s okay for us to be texting

Lou: lmao what a rebel

Family Group Chat!!!!

7:00 am

TheWebbedWonder: good morning everyone!!

mutant-krill!!!!: good morning Little Della!!

Blathering-Blatherskite: gm!!!

TheWebbedWonder: exciting things are happening

Adventure-Pilot: ooh like adventure exciting?

Adventure-Pilot: are you planning an adventure?

TheWebbedWonder: no but I am now!!!

green-sharpie: oh boy

TheWebbedWonder: @Tea Time @aw-phooey @Adventure-Pilot @Scrooge-McDuck @Indy_Sabrewing @purpleisforthegays @dr. mad scientist CAN WE HAVE A SLEEPOVER???????????

Tea Time: At McDuck Manor, I presume?

TheWebbedWonder: yes!

Adventure-Pilot: fine by me!

Scrooge-McDuck: aye, as long as you don’t trash my house again.

Tea Time: It’s not like you were the one cleaning up, sir.

green-sharpie: It wasn’t us!! The ghost Webby, Lena, and Violet summoned had no sense of hygiene.

dr. mad scientist: why did you tag me

TheWebbedWonder: Boyd!!

dr. mad scientist: blathering blatherskite

adefinitelyrealboy: <3

aw-phooey: Webster.

TheWebbedWonder: yes, Uncle Donald?

aw-phooey: it’s 7 am.

TheWebbedWonder: actually, it’s 7:03 am now!

aw-phooey: Webby, you and the kids can’t have planned a sleepover in three minutes

aw-phooey: I told you guys no phones before 7 am!!

green-sharpie: you couldn’t have waited ten minutes webs?

TheWebbedWonder: brilliance waits for no rule!!

aw-phooey: but it does wait for parental punishments

TheWebbedWonder: Oh I almost forgot

TheWebbedWonder added DosCaballero and blackmagica

aw-phooey: !!!

aw-phooey: THE BOYS

blackmagica: WE’RE THREE CABALLEROS

DosCaballero: THREE GAY CABALLEROS

aw-phooey: WE’RE HAPPY AMIGOS

blackmagica: NO MATTER WHERE HE GOES

DosCaballero: THE ONE TWO AND THREE GOES

aw-phooey: WE’RE ALWAYS TOGETHER

green-sharpie: …

aw-phooey: but Webs you’re still in trouble you can’t distract me with my boys

ICanDeweyIt: i thought we were your boys

aw-phooey: you are

aw-phooey: you’re all my boys

Junior-Woodchuck74: 💖💖

Scrooge-McDuck: @blackmagica NO MAGIC IN MY HOUSE

TheWebbedWonder: …

Violet-Sabrewing: …

lenaonme: …

Scrooge-McDuck: okay point taken

Scrooge-McDuck: NO BLACK MAGIC IN MY HOUSE UNLESS YOU’RE BRINGING MY NIECE BACK FROM THE SHADOW REALM

lenaonme: Aww im your niece?

Scrooge-McDuck: yes lass

lenaonme: sldfkdskla;sdlfkhdksl;asldkfhgbfkdl;s

moonlander-general: you worry me.

lenaonme: awww penny you charmer you!!!

moonlander-general: …

Scrooge-McDuck: @blackmagica change. your. name.

green-sharpie: good job using internet speak Uncle Scrooge!!

Scrooge-McDuck: I still only vaguely only know what that means.

Scrooge-McDuck: But I picked up many various languages adventuring. I’m a polyglot!! What’s one more?

TheCrashiestCrash: Good for you Mr. McDee!! Glad you finally found the courage to come out. Love who you love!!!!

Adventure-Pilot: wh

lenaonme: SKDFGHDSKALDKFHDKS

lenaonme: LAUNCHPAD ILY NEVER CHANGE 💖💖

TheCrashiestCrash: okay!!

Scrooge-McDuck: ah, his heart’s in the right place.

Scrooge-McDuck: wait, finally???

green-sharpie: yeah i think webby infested launchpad with the scrooge theory bug

TheWebbedWonder: you make it sound like it’s a bad thing

Scrooge-McDuck: oh curse me kilts

Scrooge-McDuck: I’ve never really felt the need you young people need to label things…

TheWebbedWonder: THEORY CONFIRMED

TheWebbedWonder: thanks uncle scrooge!!

Scrooge-McDuck: ah you’re welcome lass?

Lucky-Gander: haha same Uncle McDunkle!!

Scrooge-McDuck: tattle me tartan, I’m like you!!

Lucky-Gander: lucky you! The Gladstone life is pretty sweet if I do say so myself

green-sharpie: eh he’s not wrong

Scrooge-McDuck: I cannot believe a member of my own family would say something so heartless!!

aw-phooey: oh shoot did i miss the scrooge roasting session

Scrooge-McDuck: Please. I can handle a little heckling!!

Adventure-Pilot: where were you Don?

aw-phooey: in PMs with Zé and Chito.

TheWebbedWonder: those nicknames are so cute omg 🥺

DosCaballero: I am very cute, thank you!!

mutant-krill!!!!: Why don’t Donnie’s and José’s nicknames correlate with yours?

green-sharpie: yeah that’s kinda mean Uncle Donald

green-sharpie: abandoning your friends’ beautifully compatible nicknames

lenaonme: huh cold

lenaonme: i didn’t know you had it in you. I’m impressed uncle d

aw-phooey: oh kids

DosCaballero: Do not worry! Donald didn’t abandon us!

aw-phooey: mine used to but I changed it when the band broke up. too dangerous to keep it ngl

aw-phooey: (you should really change your name, chito)

blackmagica: And I had… other activities that required my attention.

Scrooge-McDuck: You lose more and more of my favor by the minute.

aw-phooey: my friend had your favor?? You’ve gone soft, old man.

blackmagica: Well I have a brilliant idea to appease everyone!!

blackmagica changed their name to TrêsCaballero

aw-phooey changed their name to UnoCaballero

UnoCaballero: how’s that?

DosCaballero: !!!!!! <3

TrêsCaballero: We love you too.

Junior-Woodchuck74: awww!!!

dr. mad scientist: spare me.

Blathering-Blatherskite: Gyro play nice

Adventure-Pilot: yeah Gyro!!!

dr. mad scientist: oh my god shut up.

TrêsCaballero: I did not mean to offend you, Dr. Mad Scientist!!

green-sharpie: he really said duckscord user dr. mad scientist

moonlander-general: But we’re not using duckscord?

ICanDeweyIt: it’s a joke Penny

ICanDeweyIt: wait do you have duckscord???

moonlander-general: Della made me set it up

ICanDeweyIt: FRIEND ME

ICanDeweyIt:  I CRAVE VALIDATION

green-sharpie: we know

ihaveahead!!!: we know

lenaonme: we know

Junior-Woodchuck74: we know

Tea Time: we know

ICanDeweyIt: fine :( be like that

TheWebbedWonder: It’s because we love you 💖

ICanDeweyIt: sldkfghdks Webs how dare

ICanDeweyIt: ily2

ICanDeweyIt: IM GOING IN KIDS CHAT WHERE WEBBY LOVES ME

ICanDeweyIt: LET THE WORLD BURN

Blathering-Blatherskite: ...what???

Scrooge-McDuck: leave it, he’s being dramatic

let kids be kids

10:02 am

 ICanDeweyIt: >:(

Junior-Woodchuck74: dewey are you done moping

ICanDeweyIt: give me one minute

Junior-Woodchuck74: ...fine.

10:03 am

ICanDeweyIt: okay i’m back

Lou: smh

TheWebbedWonder: PARTY PLANNING TIME

TheWebbedWonder: what snacks do we want? Granny’s gonna do a grocery run soon

ICanDeweyIt: cheeto puffs

ICanDeweyIt: because SOMEONE ate them all

Lou: hey, don’t look at me! The rats love fake cheese dust!!

ICanDeweyIt: Beakley did her weekly rat clean the day before they went missing

Lou: ugh okay fine they’re good okay????

Lou: shut up

Junior-Woodchuck: also, HEALTHY snacks!

lenaonme: lame

Lou: seconded

ICanDeweyIt: thirded

Junior-Woodchuck74: Viiiii back me up here

Violet-Sabrewing: I look forward to eating an ungodly amount of junk food and having an impressive sugar crash with the rest of you.

Junior-Woodchuck74: dangit

Junior-Woodchuck74: webby?

TheWebbedWonder: SUGAAAAAAAAR

Junior-Woodchuck74: Beakley never let you near anything sugary so fair enough

Lou: I mean that was for good reason

Lou: she’s almost as bad as you hue

TheWebbedWonder: SUGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

Junior-Woodchuck74: oh boy

Junior-Woodchuck74: Boyd?

adefinitelyrealboy: Getting ice cream with you in Tokyolk was fun, Huey! Let’s do it again at the sleepover!

Junior-Woodchuck74: dangit i’m soft

Junior-Woodchuck74: please put some healthy snacks down there anyway Webby. At least for me.

TheWebbedWonder: already done!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: <3

lenaonme: do Vi and I need to bring anything over aside from the usual?

TheWebbedWonder: idk yet

adefinitelyrealboy: what’s the usual?

Junior-Woodchuck74: we have sleeping bags and pillows but if you want your own you can bring it. Same with plushies and stuffed animals. Toothbrush and hairbrush and that kind of toiletries, but I don’t know how much you use. Your phone, obviously, and anything else you’ll want for the night. But we have a lot of supplies.

adefinitelyrealboy: okay!

adefinitelyrealboy: I don’t have a lot of personal items like that. Most of what I have at the Drakes is just hand-me-downs from Doofus

lenaonme: get in loser we’re going shopping

lenaonme: for personal trinkets for you

ICanDeweyIt: omg <3

ICanDeweyIt: lena you’re my new favorite person

lenaonme: as I should be

adefinitelyrealboy: That’s sweet! Dr. Gearloose and Lil’ Bulb I have been doing that periodically, though. Sometimes Mr. Manny the Headless Manhorse and Dr. Crackshell-Cabrera come along too!!

Lou: I really want to know what’s up with Fenton’s invalid doctorate ngl

Violet-Sabrewing: Me too

Junior-Woodchuck74: 👀 good to know

lenaonme: don’t overanalyze anything hue

TheWebbedWonder: but overanalyzing is the BEST!!

lenaonme: okay you’re the only valid overanalyzer Webs

TheWebbedWonder: 💖💖💖

TheWebbedWonder: Lena and Violet can you come over on Tuesday to help me set up the magical activities?

Lou: oh boy

Violet-Sabrewing: I’ll ask

lenaonme: do you need us to smuggle in anything again?

TheWebbedWonder: no that’s okay! I still have all the books you brought last time, and I think I can get any herbs we need for spells without suspicion as long as it’s not too close to the sleepover date

lenaonme: 👍

Lou: well I staunchly refuse to participate in any more magical adventures than I need to. Tuesday I have a date with some Pep and Ottoman Empire!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: ugh.

TheWebbedWonder: You don’t have to! This is a strictly Team Magic adventure!!

ICanDeweyIt: aw man :(

TheWebbedWonder: uhh that’s okay Dewey you can come if you want!!

ICanDeweyIt: eh it’s all right I just want validation

lenaonme: understandable. see you tuesday!

ICanDeweyIt: 💙💙

Team Uncle McDunkle (les parentals)

10:43 am

Indy_Sabrewing: Violet just asked if she and Lena can go over to McDuck Manor on Tuesday to prepare for the sleepover with Webby

purpleisforthegays: fine w/ me

acepilot: us too

22: so we’re all good with the sleepover at large, correct?

Dadnald: Aside from the fact that the kids were obviously planning it in their own group chat before the agreed tech time minimum

Moneybags: ah let them

Moneybags: they’re just excited

Dadnald: Unca it’s the first day of that rule

22: I agree with Donald. It’s good to lay down a solid foundation for rules. Let the children know we will enforce them.

acepilot: okay but I vote we still let them have their sleepover. It is Boyd’s first sleepover. Excuse me, important life milestones happening here!!

Dadnald: okay fair

Dadnald: It’s been approximately two weeks since we all met Boyd and Della’s already imprinting on him

acepilot: like you’re not

Dadnald: shhhhh

Dadnald: you’re right about the sleepover. I don’t want to take that away, and they all seem so excited.

Dadnald: let me figure out something else though, at least for my kids

Indy_Sabrewing: we’ll do it together

purpleisforthegays: Any adventures between now and the sleepover, Mr. McDuck?

Moneybags: just a small day trip to the Sands of Time on Wednesday. should be an easy one.

Dadnald: I think we should just assign them extra chores until then

22: fine by me.

acepilot: hahah same

Moneybags: Gyro?

worldsgreatestinventor: I don’t think I have that kind of relationship with Boyd yet, to be completely honest.

worldsgreatestinventor: but it’s fine he’s a good kid

acepilot: oh I know

Dadnald: I’m picking up Huey and Boyd from their Junior Woodchuck meeting tomorrow; I can talk to the Drakes then

Moneybags: good thinking Donald!

Moneybags: you’ll get there, Gyro

PM between Junior-Woodchuck74 and TotallyNotGizmoduck

11:47 am

Junior-Woodchuck74: Boyd says you’ve been shopping with him and Dr. Gearloose!!

TotallyNotGizmoduck: yeah!! It was an infallible excuse to get Gyro out of the lab

TotallyNotGizmoduck: He really cares for Boyd.

Junior-Woodchuck74: And Boyd really cares for him!

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I can see that! Boyd is a sweet kid.

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I just wish Gyro would realize that. For a genius, he can be surprisingly dense.

Junior-Woodchuck74: he’s not the only one

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Oh cease whatever scheme you’re planning and help me figure out how to make Gyro overcome his anxieties about parenthood!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: oh I’m down

Junior-Woodchuck74: I’m not dropping this, but I’m down

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I expected nothing less. Now, any brilliant ideas? Come on brain, think!

Junior-Woodchuck74: I think Boyd would be overjoyed to receive parental affection from Gyro. He doesn’t need any meddling; it’s just Gyro

TotallyNotGizmoduck: True

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I believe Gyro’s mostly scared, but he’ll never admit it. Least of all to himself.

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Also, the Drakes are two experienced parents with a stable, large home and income. They have an unending amount of time to spend with their children, and they easily fit society’s heteronormative mold of the perfect nuclear family. 

TotallyNotGizmoduck: they’re everything Gyro is not, and that intimidates him.

Junior-Woodchuck74: The Drakes spent the majority of their parenthood enslaved in their own home and terrified of their son. They’re not exactly the pinnacle of perfect parenthood.

TotallyNotGizmoduck: ha, nice alliteration.

Junior-Woodchuck74: thanks!

TotallyNotGizmoduck: However, I’m not the one you need to convince here. You’re preaching to the choir.

Junior-Woodchuck74: Fair.

Junior-Woodchuck74: Let me ask Webby; she probably has some convoluted scheme to get Dr. Gearloose and Boyd to be a family.

TotallyNotGizmoduck: That makes sense

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I don’t know her very well, but she’s a sweet kid.

Junior-Woodchuck74: she scares you, doesn’t she.

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Oh she totally scares me

Family Group Chat!!!!

2:03 pm

UnoCaballero: @DosCaballero @TrêsCaballero you know what time it is

UnoCaballero: We’re three caballeros

DosCaballero: Three gay caballeros

TrêsCaballero: They say we are birds of a feather!!

UnoCaballero: We’re happy amigos

DosCaballero: No matter where he goes

TrêsCaballero: The one

UnoCaballero: Two

DosCaballero: And three

TrêsCaballero: goes, we’re always together

UnoCaballero: We’re

DosCaballero: Three

TrêsCaballero: Caballeros

ICanDeweyIt: I can���t believe the adults did a songchain before we did

lenaonme: oh shoot we gotta do one now

TheWebbedWonder: what song should we do?

green-sharpie: CREEPER

ICanDeweyIt: aww man

Junior-Woodchuck74: aww man

Junior-Woodchuck74: darn it

lenaonme: so we back in the mine

Violet-Sabrewing: swinging our pickaxe from side to side

green-sharpie: side side to side

lenaonme: This task a grueling one,

ICanDeweyIt: Hope to find some diamonds tonight, night, night

TheWebbedWonder: diamonds tonight

Blathering-Blatherskite: Heads up, you hear a sound,

Junior-Woodchuck74: FENTON

lenaonme: omg another meme child rises

green-sharpie: not exactly a child skdfhdksla

dr. mad scientist: are we done fangirling yet

Junior-Woodchuck74: not all of us are girls, Dr. Gearloose.

Junior-Woodchuck74: That only perpetuates the ingrained societal mindset that liking something is cringey, and girls are cringey and inferior because they’re tied to that negative connotation

lenaonme: go off

TheWebbedWonder: ^^^^

wreathedingold: Well said!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: Dang I think that’s the first thing Aunt Goldie’s ever said to me 😳

wreathedingold: I’m not your aunt kid

TheWebbedWonder: just you wait

wreathedingold: well that’s ominous

wreathedingold: time for me to bounce then

TheWebbedWonder: Noooo Aunt Goldie come back!!!

ICanDeweyIt: Don’t worry Webs, we’ll get her soon enough.

Scrooge-McDuck: Should I be worried or…?

TheWebbedWonder: nah everything’ll be just fine Uncle Scrooge!!

dr. mad scientist: RED NEPHEW.

dr. mad scientist: STOP SPAMMING MY PMS.

dr. mad scientist: one more message and I block you, capishe?

UnoCaballero: You can’t block Huey for emergency purposes

Junior-Woodchuck74: I’m just making sure you get the message Dr. Gearloose

dr. mad scientist: okay okay

dr. mad scientist: it was more of a drag against Fenton anyway

Blathering-Blatherskite: hey!!

TheCrashiestCrash: nooo, we love you fenton!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: yesss Fenton positivity hours!!

Ihaveahead!!!: Fenton positivity hours!!

mutant-krill!!!!: Fenton positivity hours!!

TheCrashiestCrash: Fenton positivity hours!!

TheWebbedWonder: Fenton positivity hours!!

UnoCaballero: Fenton positivity hours!!

moonlander-general: well that’s creepy.

ghostbutler: it’s best not to question their antics.

Tea Time: Oh dear, Duckworth is making logical sense! He’s been replaced by a fake!

ghostbutler: You wish.

ICanDeweyIt: LONG LIVE THE HIVEMIND

lenaonme: Fenton positivity hours!!

DosCaballero: Fenton positivity hours!!

Violet-Sabrewing: Fenton positivity hours!!

Lucky-Gander: Fenton positivity hours!!

purpleisforthegays: Fenton positivity hours!!

adefinitelyrealboy: Fenton positivity hours!!

Lil’ Bulb: Fenton positivity hours!!

Blathering-Blatherskite: <3 <3

dr. mad scientist: betrayed by my own inventions… 

Lil’ Bulb: ily2

dr. mad scientist: which one of you kids taught him that

Junior-Woodchuck74: dewey

lenaonme: dewey

green-sharpie: dewey

ICanDeweyIt: oh shut up

ICanDeweyIt: I’m not sorry

Violet-Sabrewing: as you should be

ICanDeweyIt: and I would’ve gotten away with it if not for you meddling kids!!!

Lucky-Gander: haha

Adventure-Pilot: lol

UnoCaballero: sdfghgfds

lenaonme: dewey getting that Adult Validation

ICanDeweyIt: it do be like that 😌

ICanDeweyIt: anyway back to the song chain!!

ICanDeweyIt: yall adults are welcome to join us just don’t mess it up

Lucky-Gander: wouldn’t dream of it

lenaonme: creeper

ICanDeweyIt: aww man

Junior-Woodchuck74: that’s not where we were in the song

ICanDeweyIt: AWW MAN

Violet-Sabrewing: So we back in the mine

TheWebbedWonder: rocking our pickaxe from side to side

UnoCaballero: side side to side

green-sharpie: This task a grueling one

TheCrashiestCrash: Hoping to find some diamonds tonight

DosCaballero: night night

Blathering-Blatherskite: Diamonds tonight

Violet-Sabrewing: heads up

purpleisforthegays: you hear a sound

lenaonme: turn around and look up

Lil’ Bulb: total shock fills your body

TheWebbedWonder: Oh no it’s you again

Junior-Woodchuck74: I could never forget those eyes, eyes

TrêsCaballero: eyes eyes eyes

ihaveahead!!!: cause baby tonight

ICanDeweyIt: DISCORD

green-sharpie: The creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again,

ICanDeweyIt: IM HOWLING AT THE MOON

lenaonme: SLEEPING IN THE MIDDLE OF A SUMMER AFTERNOON

Junior-Woodchuck74: dewey i hate you

ICanDeweyIt: can’t help it i’m a wild child

Junior-Woodchuck74: last week you cried because the supermarket was all out of blue rock candy

ICanDeweyIt: WILD CHILD, HUBERT

Junior-Woodchuck74: IT’S JUST SUGAR AND FOOD COLORING

ICanDeweyIt: SHUT UP IT’S GOOD

lenaonme: ok shut up nerds hash it out later we’re going back to singing

lenaonme: DISCOOOOORD

green-sharpie: whatever did we do

dr. mad scientist: is this the hecking mlp song

Adventure-Pilot: hah hecking

dr. mad scientist: DONALD EDITS MY TEXTS

UnoCaballero: as i should 

UnoCaballero: don’t swear around my kids

TheCrashiestCrash: TO MAKE YOU TAKE OUR WORLD AWAAAAAAAAY

TheWebbedWonder: Discord, are we your prey alone

TrêsCaballero: or are we just a stepping stone to taking back the throne

Blathering-Blatherskite: Discord

Violet-Sabrewing: We won’t take it anymore

DosCaballero: So take your tyranny away!

purpleisforthegays: discoooooooooord…

Junior-Woodchuck74: discoooooooooord…

green-sharpie: discoooooooooord…

moonlander-general: wha

ICanDeweyIt: shh penny we’re singing

adefinitelyrealboy: this is quite an interesting phenomenon!!

mutant-krill!!!!: agreed, it is quite fascinating!!

green-sharpie: OH SHOOT BOYD DOESN’T KNOW ANY MEME SONGS

lenaonme: 😔😔👊

ICanDeweyIt: YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

TheWebbedWonder: I’m adding it to the sleepover agenda now!!

Violet-Sabrewing: Della and Penumbra should join us, since they don’t know either

Junior-Woodchuck74: good idea! but what about Uncle Indy and Uncle Scrooge? And Dr. Gearloose?

Blathering-Blatherskite: Gyro knows meme songs he’s just not participating out of spite

dr. mad scientist: shut up fenton

Violet-Sabrewing: there’s no hope for them

wreathedingold: HAH

TheWebbedWonder: oh Aunt Goldie!! I thought you left!!

wreathedingold: shush pink niece

TheWebbedWonder: omg she knows who i am 🥺💚❤️🥰

green-sharpie: uhh not quite webs

Scrooge-McDuck: Excuse me!

Scrooge-McDuck: we had this conversation earlier today. I am a polyglot.

TheCrashiestCrash: And I told you Mr. McDee!! Love who you love!!

Scrooge-McDuck: Oh tatter me tartan.

wreathedingold: quite the enthusiastic brood you have there, Scroogey!

Scrooge-McDuck: I can’t believe this.

Indy_Sabrewing: That’s it Violet; no reading for fun.

Violet-Sabrewing: No!

lenaonme: 😔👊

TheWebbedWonder: Oh no!!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: We should invite Uncle Fethry too, if he can make it

mutant-krill!!!!: my schedule is full of traveling the seas with Mitzy and cataloguing our scientific findings and experiences!!

mutant-krill!!!!: But I will check.

adefinitelyrealboy: I can hardly wait!!

Tea Time: And when is this?

ICanDeweyIt: Well we were planning on showing Boyd at the sleepover, but it seems my dear class has grown… 

ICanDeweyIt: PROFESSOR DEWFORD RISES

Junior-Woodchuck74: @Tea Time Wednesday will work.

Tea Time: Wonderful. I’ll mark it in the family calendar. 

lenaonme: mrs beakley ily

Tea Time: Thank you, Lena.

ICanDeweyIt: P R O F E S S O R   D E W F O R D

green-sharpie: oh boy

Junior-Woodchuck74: you don’t have a Ph.D idiot

ICanDeweyIt: Neither does Fenton but do you see that stopping him?

Blathering-Blatherskite: why must you keep bringing up my lack of a doctorate?

lenaonme: it’s funny

green-sharpie: yeah pretty much

green-sharpie: you know we’re only going to bring it up more now right?

Blathering-Blatherskite: oh blathering blatherskite

Blathering-Blatherskite: What has my life come to? I’m being mercilessly mocked by a bunch of children.

dr. mad scientist: HAH

Tea Time: That’s just what children are like.

lenaonme: mrs beakley says this as if she doesn’t tease everyone mercilessly too

Tea Time: That goes without saying.

Lil’ Bulb: it do be like that 😔👊

dr. mad scientist: OH COME ON

dr. mad scientist: WHICH ONE OF YOU TAUGHT HIM THAT

Lucky-Gander: dude you literally just had this conversation

dr. mad scientist: I’LL KILL YOU KIDS

UnoCaballero: NO

Adventure-Pilot: I’LL KILL YOU FIRST

ihaveahead!!!: i dont doubt that

dr. mad scientist: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON MANNY

ihaveahead!!!: della’s

dr. mad scientist: typical.

lenaonme: nearlythrewhandswitha13yearold.png

Violet-Sabrewing: yes pretty much

TheWebbedWonder: sldkfhdskl;a

Blathering-Blatherskite: oh how the tables have turned

dr. mad scientist: i hate you all

Adventure-Pilot: we love you too mwah <3 <3

dr. mad scientist: ewww

TheWebbedWonder: commence operation: SMOTHER DR. GEARLOOSE IN LOVE AND AFFECTION

Adventure-Pilot: HECK YEAH

Blathering-Blatherskite: Sounds like an interesting scheme with a potentially volatile reaction from the subject, but with likely a desired outcome!!!

TheWebbedWonder: aw thanks Fenton <3

Blathering-Blatherskite: anytime!!

lenaonme: lol get him

dr. mad scientist: I TRUSTED YOU WEBBIGAIL

TheWebbedWonder: THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

TheWebbedWonder: TIME TO HEAD OVER TO THE LAB EVERYONE

dr. mad scientist: no

TheCrashiestCrash: I’ll drive!!

dr. mad scientist: NO

dr. mad scientist: FENTON STOP THEM

Blathering-Blatherskite: :3

ICanDeweyIt: S’DLFKDSL;KDKFHSKLASKEISKAGSKASKD

dr. mad scientist: YOU WILL DIE PAINFULLY

TrêsCaballero: This chat is… interesting

ICanDeweyIt: Get used to it Uncle José!!!

TrêsCaballero: I am… Uncle José?

TrêsCaballero: What an honor!!

ICanDeweyIt: sure you are!! you’re close enough to uncle donald

TheWebbedWonder: and we love you!!!

ICanDeweyIt: yeah and that

UnoCaballero: awww kids

TrêsCaballero: you must meet my biological nephews, Zico and Zeca!!

TheWebbedWonder: NEW FRIENDS!!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: Uncle Scrooge

Scrooge-McDuck: Yes Huey?

Junior-Woodchuck74: On an unrelated note, can we take an adventure in Brazil?

TrêsCaballero: 🥰🥰

Scrooge-McDuck: ugh 

Scrooge-McDuck: I’ll look into it

TheWebbedWonder: I’ll help you Uncle Scrooge!!

Indy_Sabrewing: Is this the adventure you promised Della?

TheWebbedWonder: Nope!! My lips are sealed on that one

lenaonme: huh you’re actually doing that

TheWebbedWonder: Yep!! And it’s gonna be amazing!!

Adventure-Pilot: I bet!!

TheWebbedWonder: 💕💕💕

TheWebbedWonder: I love you!!!

Adventure-Pilot: aww I love you too honey!!

DosCaballero: Not to interrupt this adorable declaration of love but

green-sharpie: you’re an uncle too

DosCaballero: !!!!!

UnoCaballero: I’m proud of you guys

purpleisforthegays: are you talking to your friends or to the kids?

UnoCaballero: up for interpretation

PM between Junior-Woodchuck74 and TotallyNotGizmoduck

4:35 pm

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Huey

Junior-Woodchuck74: Yes Fenton?

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I scrolled up in the major group chat and your uncle said something odd about his nickname

Junior-Woodchuck74: Wait, why were you scrolling up in chat?

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Manny and Lil’ Bulb roped me into taking out of context screenshots.

Junior-Woodchuck74: Oh hey Dewey and Lena do that too!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: What did you find?

TotallyNotGizmoduck: screenshot-2020-08-06-4.24-PM

[aw-phooey: mine used to but I changed it when the band broke up. too dangerous to keep it ngl]

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Why would it be too dangerous for him to keep his Three Caballeros nickname?

Junior-Woodchuck74: Yeah that’s definitely weird

Junior-Woodchuck74: Especially since Uncle Donald’s account is private

TotallyNotGizmoduck: this chat service only has basic security. It is easily hacked if someone has the means.

Junior-Woodchuck74: That means they’d have to want to find Uncle Donald

Junior-Woodchuck74: Fenton I’m scared for Uncle Donald now

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I’m sure he’s okay! He knows how to protect himself, if nothing else.

Junior-Woodchuck74: true

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Besides, you have me, a literal superhero, on your side if anything goes wrong!!

TotallyNotGizmoduck: and your family is exceptionally good at fighting off threats. You’ll be okay, Huey.

Junior-Woodchuck74: i’m not worried for me

Junior-Woodchuck74: but thanks, Fenton

Junior-Woodchuck74: i think i’m gonna sleep on this and then do some DuckDuckGo searches on the Three Caballeros tomorrow, okay?

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Of course, Huey

Junior-Woodchuck74: talk tomorrow?

TotallyNotGizmoduck: wouldn’t miss it!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: and you should really change your name

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I will

PM between TheWebbedWonder and TotallyNotGizmoduck

7:43 pm

TheWebbedWonder: Hi Fenton!!

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Hello Webby!!

TheWebbedWonder: I realized I never added your mother to our group chatTheWebbedWonder: Can I have her username?

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Of course! I figured something was up

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Not that you can’t contact me casually!!

TheWebbedWonder: I’ll keep that in mind! 💖

TheWebbedWonder: Your mom is really nice but I don’t know her that well

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Oh you two will definitely get along

TotallyNotGizmoduck: There is a 93% chance of it

TotallyNotGizmoduck: The 7% is if she catches wind of the illegal activities Lena drags you into

TheWebbedWonder: It was ONE time and that guy deserved it!! It was justice!!!

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Webby, you set a citizen’s apartment ablaze!!!

TheWebbedWonder: He was being a jerk

TheWebbedWonder: He purposefully misgendered Dewey and Violet

TheWebbedWonder: and he made some really gross comments about Lena

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Webby, I understand that

TotallyNotGizmoduck: M’ma and I have to deal with our fair share of jerks

TotallyNotGizmoduck: And in all honesty, she would probably respect the karma of your actions. I definitely do.

TheWebbedWonder: yeah I get it

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I became a superhero to help people

TotallyNotGizmoduck: And that person deserved what came to them, but sometimes there are better ways to help people

TheWebbedWonder: sure okay

TheWebbedWonder: I mean you should probably give Lena the lecture

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I’ll keep that in mind

TotallyNotGizmoduck: but you’re a good kid webby

TheWebbedWonder: awww thanks 💖💖

TotallyNotGizmoduck: You and M’ma will get along

TotallyNotGizmoduck: You’re both kind, powerful, passionate women who scare me

TheWebbedWonder: Aww, I scare you? That’s so sweet!!! Thank you!!!

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Uhhh you’re welcome?

TheWebbedWonder: 🥰🥰

let kids be kids

8:03 pm

TheWebbedWonder: Fenton is lecturing me about when we set that guy’s house on fire

lenaonme: hah that was awesome

Lou: ew lectures

Junior-Woodchuck74: I told you that was a bad idea

Violet-Sabrewing: It worked out, though

TheWebbedWonder: he’s so nice but also I want to set all bigots’ houses on fire

ICanDeweyIt: as you should

Violet-Sabrewing: *as WE should

ICanDeweyIt: you’re right vi!!!

lenaonme: *cracks knuckles* aight i got this

TheWebbedWonder: wait no lena don’t be mean

lenaonme: shhh it’s just a little bit of good-natured teasing

TheWebbedWonder: Lena

Junior-Woodchuck74: Lena

Violet-Sabrewing: Lena

adefinitelyrealboy: Don’t be mean to Dr. Crackshell-Cabrera!! He has to deal with a lot of their comments anyway. And he’s a superhero!! He knows what he’s doing!!!

Violet-Sabrewing: Fenton is a superhero?

lenaonme: khdskalksdf HE’S gizmoduck????

Junior-Woodchuck74: oh no

Violet-Sabrewing: I did think of this hypothesis a couple months ago

adefinitelyrealboy: Oh no!! I didn’t mean to reveal Dr. Crackshell-Cabrera’s secret identity!!

ICanDeweyIt: not much of a secret tbh. he has a whole journal entry for people who know he’s Gizmoduck

TheWebbedWonder: Guess he has two more names to add to that list

Lou: to be fair, his username is TotallyNotGizmoduck. That’s pretty sus

Junior-Woodchuck74: he really needs to change that.

ICanDeweyIt: yeah

PM between lenaonme and TotallyNotGizmoduck

8:24 pm

lenaonme: ay yo

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Hi, Lena!

lenaonme: be gay do crime

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Lena no

lenaonme: lena yes

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I suppose Webby talked to you?

lenaonme: yes

lenaonme: also vi and i know your secret identity now

TotallyNotGizmoduck: darn it

lenaonme: seriously change your name that’s kind of pathetic ngl

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I understand you like fitting the image of “rebellious teenager” and all, but are the insults completely necessary?

lenaonme: oh thank webby she convinced me to only lightly tease you

lenaonme: it’s with love~ 💖

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Not quite sure if I buy that

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I don’t want to have to apprehend you if you commit crimes, Lena

TotallyNotGizmoduck: and my M’ma wouldn’t either

lenaonme: i don’t even know her

TotallyNotGizmoduck: You will tomorrow!!

lenaonme: i can’t decide if that’s ominous or just overly preppy

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I’m just a little excited

lenaonme: lmao lame

TotallyNotGizmoduck: :(

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I hate teenagers

lenaonme: blanket statement huh

TotallyNotGizmoduck: sorry

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I wouldn't be forced into negative feelings if you weren't mean to me!

lenaonme: it's because i love you

TotallyNotGizmoduck: you keep saying that, but I'm not so sure I believe it...

Science Gays

8:48 pm

fentonium: why are kids like this

worldsgreatestinventor: agreed, very negative feelings indeed

adefinitelyrealboy: :(

worldsgreatestinventor: except for you Boyd

Junior-Woodchuck74: It’s because we love you

adefinitelyrealboy: what about Huey?

worldsgreatestinventor: ehhhhhhh

Junior-Woodchuck74: disappointed but not surprised

Junior-Woodchuck74: let me guess you talked to Lena?

fentonium: yes

worldsgreatestinvention: she’s cool

worldsgreatestinvention: she taught me memes

worldsgreatestinventor: WHAT

worldsgreatestinventor: red nephew!! your lot told me that was dewey!!

worldsgreatestinvention: just for those specific memes

worldsgreatestinvention: it was a group effort

Headless-Mannyhorse: good for them

worldsgreatestinventor: they will rue the day!!

fentonium: oookaay

fentonium: you know what I prefer Lena to this

Junior-Woodchuck74: she knows

fentonium: oh no

Junior-Woodchuck74: that’s one of the reasons she likes it so much

fentonium:  oh no

Family Group Chat!!!!

4:55 am

lenaonme: b͈̻̙͕̲̭ͦͦ̾͛l͉͒a̱̳̠̳͈͎̖̓ͪc̆͒k͎͖͈͓̎̌͒p̝͈̌ͫͥͦi̩͙͙͕ͫ̋͛ň̦̌k̟͐̾ ̟̼̥͎ͣͫ͛̂i̞͓̰̜͇̜̪ͧ͑͌̓s̙ͤ͛ͩ ̩̞̖͖̺̐̈͋͆́̈́ͅt̙̥̄ͨͭ͐h̩͇̮̙̬̉͂ͫe͕͚̳̩̞͚̜ ̞͕̰̇͛̏̍ͨ̄r͉̹̱̬͑̄̾͐ḛ͖̘̇̆v̺̱̇̽͒o̤̮̤l̞̯̪̳͕̿͆͌ͭͅu̮̼̝̤̅̑ͬ̾͑͂̍t͇̲̺̘̀i̘ͦ̿͗o̪ͣ͐̓̇ͦ̎ͬn͙̱͔̩͙͒́̋̽̎̎~

dr. mad scientist: oh my god shut up

~

Huey: Junior-Woodchuck74 Dewey: ICanDeweyIt Louie: Lou / green-sharpie* Webby: TheWebbedWonder / Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl* Donald: aw-phooey* / Dadnald / UnoCaballero Scrooge: Scrooge-McDuck* / Moneybags Della: worldsgreatestadventurer* / Adventure-Pilot / universesgreatestadventurer /acepilot Beakley: 22 / Tea Time Launchpad: TheCrashiestCrash Lena: lenaonme Violet: Violet-Sabrewing Duckworth: ghostbutler Gyro: worldsgreatestinventor* / dr mad scientist / wildlymisunderstood Fenton: TotallyNotGizmoduck* / Blathering-Blatherskite Manny: ihaveahead!!! Lil' Bulb: worldsgreatestinvention* / Lil' Bulb Gladstone: Lucky-Gander Fethry: mutant-krill!!!! Indy: Indy_Sabrewing Ty: purpleisforthegays Goldie: Wine-Aunt* / wreathedingold Penny: moonlander-general Boyd: adefinitelyrealboy Panchito: DosCaballero José: blackmagica* / TrêsCaballero

*main

i listened to a bunch of various blackpink while making this (on if it's your last rn) so that's why that ending moment is there lmao. it's just a glimpse into my life i guess. it's also a fitting reference since i wrote a bunch of this during a writing sprint with friends (and i lost :( ) and they introduced me to almost all of the blackpink songs i know!

there's a moment in which dewey called himself a "wild child" which is inspired by another friend calling me a wild child the other day. it just be like that i guess. (tragically, neither this friend nor the blackpink friends are into ducktales so they won't read this. but moon, silv, viper, rose, if you're out there... ily)

peep some sexuality headcanons!! I tried not to make them too overwhelming since I know a lot of people have different hcs, but they slipped in. It didn't make it in, but I hc that in addition to the no-label thing for genders, Scrooge is also demisexual and demiromantic!! I'm aroace so that means something to me. Also re: the bigot Webby and Fenton were talking about, I hc Violet is trans and Dewey is nb (thank the duckfalls server for that one). and lena is gay. but all headcanons are cool n valid and i'd love to hear some of yours!!

i unexpectedly got a really good response to this fic last week and i just want to say thank you!! it means so much to me that people like this fic and that people like my writing in general. i love all of you <3 i haven't responded to comments from last week yet cause energy but i promise i will i just need energy. but i read all of them and they were so sweet!! so thank you!!

in a similar vein, no penny pokemon plot this week cause the week slipped by and i forgot to message ppl about pokemon but i definitely will do that. it'll probably be back for next time. thank you so much to everyone who offered!! i'll probably take you guys up on that.

also thanks to the people on tumblr who gave me scrooge phrases. @just-sinag sent me an amazing video of all of scrooge's catchphrases from dt87 (which i didn't get to use this time unfortunately but definitely next time) which was really helpful, but everyone who replied to my post is really awesome and i appreciate it!!

in other news, my cat just meowed at the door while i'm writing this author's note and then jumped very cartoonishly when the door bumped against the wall. she's a little freaked out right now, poor baby. but i love her.

Chapter 4

[bereft-of-frogs]

Who are your top 5 mcu characters and top 5 star wars characters? I guess is may change sometimes, but for now. :)

oh goodness. this is an excellent question. I think it probably will change, especially for Star Wars as I continue my rereading of the old book series stuff, digging back in and what-not; but also for both as new things are released. (I’m now like ‘omg the whole of the Wandavision crew needs way more consideration for this top 5 list than I ever thought I’d give them what’.) Sorry it’s taken a couple days! This was hard.

Putting it under a cut for length:

MCU:

1. Sam Wilson. This was really hard to choose between all of Team Cap because I love them all equally, but out of the three Winter Soldier crew, I love Sam the best. ‘...if you eat that sort of thing’ ‘So do you like cats?’ ‘I hate you’  #iconic

2. Loki & Thor. Okay here’s where I cheat a little, because I couldn’t choose one and not the other.

3. Valkyrie. I just love her. (Debated putting Hela here instead, because I also love Hela in a similar but opposite way, if that makes sense?)

4. Nick Fury. Fine in Avengers, loved him after Winter Soldier, loved him even more after Captain Marvel stripped down his cool exterior and revealed him to be a bit of a dork who liked cats and was willing to help with the dishes. I hope we get to see more of him.

5. Wanda. Oh my God, Wandavision just came out of nowhere with the Wanda feels, didn’t it? I will say I was lukewarm-neutral on her, and then Wandavision recontextualized so much of her story and made me feel so much about her.

Honorable Mentions: all of the Guardians of the Galaxy because I couldn’t just pick one; Captain Marvel herself came close to getting Fury’s spot (’I have nothing to prove to you’ sobs); Vision was another surprise ‘oh no where did these feelings come from’ character post-Wandavision, (same with Darcy wth happened); Jimmy Woo should get his own series I will sign the petition

Star Wars:

1. Mace Windu. Okay this is an deep abiding love. How could I not love him when I was 10? The man had a purple lightsaber. (Purple was my favorite color, that was pretty much the extent of my character analysis back then.) This has only been confirmed as an adult by all of Shatterpoint. This is officially a Mace Windu appreciation blog.

2. Obi-Wan Kenobi. How can you not?

3. Qui-Gon Jinn. I left the fandom for like 20 years and came back and apparently he’s ~~problematic~~ and yes I will finally admit it, this is the character I’ve been vague-ing about the AO3 tags being a cesspool. He’s just such an interesting character...and that has apparently translated to ‘he’s the worst’ which okay thanks for letting me know I won’t like your fic but...man, the ‘Qui-Gon was literally the worst’ is suddenly everywhere and I’m confused. (again ‘suddenly’ I haven’t been super active in this fandom in a while, it might not have been sudden. Not quite 20 years but it’s been a while and I never noticed back then, idk if it’s a new development or just the product of me trying to sift through AO3 instead of relying on recs...anyway that’s my #confession for the day)

4. Cassian Andor. Okay partially for superficial reasons because Diego Luna is distractingly pretty. But I also love the more serious take on the rebel who knows that he has to get his hands dirty for the cause. He and Jyn’s embrace on the beach at the end is honestly one of my favorite Star Wars moments.

5. Din Djarin. He’s just a man trying to get an education for his son and know as little as possible about the plot of Star Wars, who accidentally ends up winning in battle the rulership of a planet he’s never seen. Poor man. He’s just doing his best. I can’t wait for next season.

Honorable Mentions: K-2SO was hilarious and the rest of the Rogue One crew should technically share the spot with Cassian but Diego Luna is just so pretty; the nanny/assassin droid that Taika Waititi played in The Mandalorian because I always surprise myself by crying when he sacrifices himself in the last episode; literally every female character because my list, like James Luceno, impressively does not pass the Bechdel Test (oof I’m aware, I get it, but I had to narrow this down to 5, and I’m sorry); special mention to Bo-Katan even though I’ve only seen two episodes with her in them (I didn’t, and honestly probably won’t, watch The Clone Wars) but also I might just have a crush on Katee Sackhoff...

Narrowing these down to 5 was super hard, this was quite the challenge, and I only cheated a little there, thank you anon. Sorry it’s taken me a couple days! This was hard! XD And I’m sure it will be updated as things progress with the Marvel series coming out. Also I just got a PS4 and Jedi Fallen Order from my brother in the mail, yes I did have him ship his old PS4 across a closed international border so I could play Fallen Order (and also nothing else is giving me serotonin any more and the internet suggests trying something novel to get the serotonin molecules boogieing, so let’s see if my video game redemption arc is a go).

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #331

my head hurts way too badly to think up some intro lyrics, so just g’night.

Have you ever become good friends with someone you never met in person? Oh yeah, I've had best friends over the Internet. Hell, I'm closer to many online friends than I am most irl ones. They know "the real me" more. What do you consider your default mood to be? Stressed, probably. Discontent. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Not long. Proper goldfish husbandry is a very neglected topic, and I sure as hell never knew how to set up its tank adequately. Have you ever been paintballing? No, don't plan to. It looks like it hurts like a bitch. Do you want a large wedding? No. Did you ever collect any sort of cards? I had a very small collection of Pokemon cards. I didn't collect them avidly. What’re the best and worst books you ever had to read for a class? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton was the best. The worst was some book we had to read in the 6th grade about a kid during some war that moved around a lot... I don't remember the name or who wrote it, but it sucked. What’s the best meal you had at an amusement park, or If you haven’t been to one, how about a good meal at another place like a zoo, aquarium or museum? I don't know. I haven't been to many. Who, whether a person or company, emails you the most? My PHP therapist emails me a check-in sheet and Zoom link every day there's a therapy session. What kind of sound or noise freaks you out the most and why do you think it scares you? Let's seeeee... I don't know if there's a sound that actually freaks me out. There are some I don't like, but none that like, frighten me. At least that I can think of. What’s the strangest art piece you’ve come across? Biiiitch there's a painting in Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs I'm not gonna go into, but shit fuckin wild. What’s the most clever or unique name you’ve come across for a business? I've definitely heard some cool ones, but I don't know about one that really stands out to answer this. If you had to name one of your hypothetical future children after a song, which song would you pick? Maybe like... okay, I'm blanking. Good thing I'm not having kids to name then, right? What’s the last song you heard? "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson is on atm. What is your favorite line from a TV show? *shrug* Any current family issues? No. How many hours do you spend online a day? How do you feel about that? I'm doing something on the computer pretty much... always. I hate it, and I hate it a lot. I don't want my life to be tied solely to the digital plane. I want to do more than bounce back and forth from website to website. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? Absolutely, but there are some things they simply cannot change. It's about perspective and how you play the deck you're dealt. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Right now, the most limiting thing is my physical health, probably. Just walking being torture affects my ability to exercise, and my body is a major reason - if not the biggest, at this current time - for my depression. This also plays a massive role in jobs I can handle. Not to sound like my emo self writing middle school poetry, but my body feels like a prison. Do you feel that you are loved? I know I am by some people, though I have a hard time understanding why a lot. What is the one thing you want most from life? Life satisfaction. Pride in what I've accomplished. A regular state of being content. Birthplace? I'm just gonna say in eastern NC. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, merely infatuation. Love is much too deep for that. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Some can, but usually only if you put effort into making that so. Favorite fictional character? like ummmmmmmm have you heard of this sassy bastard called Darkiplier- Go to the movies or rent? Before Covid, I loved going to the theater. It was something to do, plus a giant screen is nice. McDonalds or Burger King? McD's. I'm not a big BK fan. I only really went there during my vegetarian phase for the veggie burger. Current annoyance? This motherfucking headache. Last thing you ate? I have a meal replacement shake with me right now, if you consider that "eating." I didn't have a proper dinner. The last solid food I had though was some cookies and cream Greek yogurt. Last thing you bought? With my own money, I think I bought Mom and I some cheap McDonald's order semi-recently? Or maybe paying my $100 deposit for my tattoo was most recent, idk. Soonest thing you are looking forward to? For Mom to get her CT scan and find out what's going on in there. What did you do today? It was a pretty average day. I woke up way too early, though. The only thing even semi-unique about today was I played World of Warcraft for a few hours again; I've been quite unattached to it lately, but I went through an episode today of actually having fun playing. Oh, and I've been battling a migraine. It's more of a severe headache now, at least, but it still sucks big time. Do you like to see it snowing outside? Oh yes, absolutely! When you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats? I believe once we did from a very volatile student that honestly caused quite a lot of trouble. He's dead now. Who knows ALL of your secrets? Nobody. Did you have a job before you were in college? No. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now? That's a terrifying thought, no. Are you on birth control? Yeah, but just because it tames my menstrual cramps. Without it, they could be debilitating some days. Who is your last sent text to? My best fren. Have you ever eaten at Chipotle before? Possibly? Idr. Do you swear often? Excessively. I had a dirty mouth prior, but my swearing got really bad when I started staying at Jason's house a lot. He and especially his mother swear like mad. Do you own any shirts with a peace symbol on it? No. Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? Not at this house, no. Would you ever go to Japan? Oh, yes. I would love to. It's... very morbid, but I would really like to walk the (public) paths of Aokigahara Forest, nicknamed "Suicide Forest" for the horrible amount of, well, suicides that happen there via hanging. Like, you might just casually run into a dead body. I want to just... feel it there, walk in silence and empathize with people who didn't know what else to do and hope so deeply that those departed know they were never alone in their pain. I know with absolute certainty I'd probably be teary-eyed the whole time and cry a whoooole lot, but it's just an experience I want to have. What was the last thing you went to Walmart for? Some basic groceries. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping, given this headache... I just don't want to yet. Are you afraid of getting your heart broken? I'm fucking terrified of that ever happening again, far more than words can properly express. Have you ever been in a choir? Yes, actually; when I was a Catholic kid, my sisters and I were in the church choir for a year or so, idr. Do you have a Twitter? Yes, but only to like Mark's tweets, haha. Oh, and very rarely enter giveaways I'm interested in. Describe your retainers to me, if you have them, that is. I have a permanent metal one behind my front row of bottom teeth to keep those straight. My upper teeth had one of those normal retainers you take in and out, but I didn't wear it enough, so now it doesn't even fit. Would you like for someone to call you right now? No. I'm tired, my head hurts, and I'm enjoying the song I'm bingeing. It's so weird, I rarely ever go on music hunting trips (no real reason, I just... don't), but I've found great shit lately. Do you like to brush your teeth? No; it's a chore. I only do it because I don't want my teeth decaying, falling out, or getting too yellow, and the taste in your mouth and gritty texture on your teeth isn't exactly great when you don't brush. Have you ever had a surgery? Two. Give out your phone number over the internet? I have over private messages. Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Given my wardrobe (like graphic tees and band shirts), I probably look younger in the eyes of especially older people. I personally say I look my age, though. When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? I never plan to be again. What is the last show that you watched a full episode of? Some cooking show with Mom. Nailed It!, I think? Do you know anyone who lives in Utah? No. I love Utah, though; it's actually a place I'd be willing to live in with just how pretty it is and not super populated. Do you get your feelings hurt easily? VERY. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people you can meet. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Ugh, yes. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? First we took those nasty, chalky Flintstones kinds, but as time passed, Mom moved onto giving us gummy bear vitamins that were perfectly fine. Did you get any compliments today? No. Are you friends with your neighbors? Not "friends," no. What towns have you lived in? Three different ones. That's all you're getting. Have you ever thrown up from drinking? No. Done any illegal drugs? No. I mean I've had some alcohol underage, but I've never done anything remotely hardcore. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? Idk. Who have you texted today? My mom and best friend. What time did you wake up this morning? Ugh, like five in the fucking morning. I couldn't go back to sleep. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Making shitty eye contact, and I'm one of those people who "talks with [their] hands." I also lose my train of thought a whoooole lot. Have you ever layed in a hammock? Yeah; we had one growing up. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? Well yeah, I've had lots of pets, so thus lost some in particularly painful ways. The most scarring loss of a pet though is as follows: Teddy, my dog, picked up one of our cat's very young, wandering kittens in his jaws in a manner that looked as if he was trying to carry it like Aphrodite (the mother cat) does when she would bring them back behind the couch, where she gave birth/had her little "nest." I absolutely freaked and had to pry the kitten from his mouth, and it slowly died in my hands. I think Teddy accidentally crushed its ribs. I. Was. A. Mess. Then, there was Aphrodite herself. I've told the story before of our former neighbors calling animal control because our cats would wander through their yard, and all of our cats were taken away while I was unaware at school. Came home, and they were all gone. Aphrodite was my baby, so I was devastated. Screaming, sobbing, cursing on the porch for like 20 minutes... It was awful. What type of curtains do you like? I don't... know? I don't know the actual names of any types... What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? I absolutely cannot be friends with someone who thinks they're above everyone else. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I think I am. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Cookies! Especially Oreos. Dip it in there for around five seconds, and it's perfection. What fruit is too sweet to you? Grapefruit came to mind first. How did you feel after your first kiss? I had butterflies galore and was so giddy and smiley. After the first, I just wanted to kiss him a billion more times. What’s your favorite constellation and why? I don't have one. Shower curtain or door? Curtain. The glass doors are too revealing. Have you ever thought to yourself that you’re the luckiest person in the world? Most deeeeefinitely not. What time of day do you most enjoy looking at the sky? Sunset if there are clouds present, but sunrise if the sky is pretty clear.

[allbeendonebefore]

I was kind of under the impression that this is just a widespread thing in Alberta, especially because of the Angus Reid fractured federation survey (I cant include the link here, but you can Google it, its from January 24th 2019). When got back into Hetalia, I imagined the dynamics kinda changed to this, which would be pretty bad tbh. I hope its not that aggressive in Alberta, I will never be able to go check tho, too expensive :( I loved the bad french btw

i see you guys sending these asks super late at night and i wonder whether any of you sleep - idk where you’re writing from and i may be on the west coast but are you guys ok wherever you are? I just woke up but I have my tea and if I’m not caffeinated now I surely will be as I answer this.

I’m sure I’ve seen the survey you’re speaking of before and before I address it in any specific detail I just want to back up and re frame Why I’m Being Like This in regards to recent events and my orientation towards answering these questions in terms of Hetalia the way I do, because I think it’s the heart of how I answer.

the tldr of it is:

1. I have an opportunity to make interpretations of reality in unexpected and challenging ways, therefore widespread opinions don’t govern anything but my stupid gag comics in the simple sense that if everyone was represented by widespread opinion alone all the time, nothing would change and

2. if i can answer dozens of asks about ralph and oliver hanging out there’s absolutely no reason I can’t answer asks about ralph and jean hanging out, lol.

3. If you’d like a shorter, more concise “vision statement”, I have one on @battle-of-alberta here. (although now I notice the links don’t work on mobile so you’ll have to be on desktop for that one)

I’m assuming this will be long so cut time

(and yes, alas, the bad french is my legacy and I’m afraid it has not improved much although i swear i was an A student when i was actually taking it) (and no please don’t visit now, purely for pandemic reasons, it would be really expensive And you’d have a bad time) (and talking to me is free lmao) (I do not mean to say that you need to have feet on the ground to understand a place at all, i mean, at the moment I don’t lol)

headings because I say a lot

what even is hetalia

At the most basic level, Hetalia is a tool that can be used in a variety of ways. It can be for memorization, current politics at a glance or historical relationships in different settings. I use it for all of these things, of course, I certainly use it a lot in comics that take place in the much more distant past in @athensandspartaadventures. When I was writing that, I was in undergrad and AaSA was a tool to help me pass my exams, I didn’t think of how it might be read or interpreted by people who have lived in or experienced those places these days, or what kind of political and cultural tensions it might reveal. (Not to say that it has gotten me into sticky situations, exactly, but I am more aware of where things like that would arise now).

These days I look back on a lot of my experiences - both in IAMP/Hetalia and just as a person, and I think that if Hetalia is a tool it should be used with some awareness of intention and responsibility. Things in the fandom have changed as it became more mainstream and more well known and I think there’s a definite worry about screwing up or not representing Everything or not pleasing Everybody or not doing it Right. I have a simple, insufferably academic principle.

(That said, yes, you can still do it very wrong if you write a methodology.)

Still, it’s a comfort to me that I’m just doing the things the way I say I’m going to do them, and that is the underpinning of Inspired But Not Constrained By Hetalia. I don’t do things Himaruya’s way, I can’t do things the way IAMP would do them if it were running today because it’s not and things have changed, all I can do is do them how I would do them.

I have hurt people in the past because they sometimes couldn’t tell whether I was writing From an Albertan Perspective or not, and I’ve evoked some preeetty spicy comments over the last decade, and I realized that tone and perspective are something that really shapes how people understand and interact with my work and I’m trying to use that understanding in a conscientious way)

what even is alberta

So when you’re me and you’ve grown up in a province that is the Angriest in the country and the most Misunderstood in the country and the most Entitled in the country and nobody outside of maybe Saskatchewan has a good thing to say about you half the time and maybe you’re tired of that... you get kind of depressed thinking about how every year some kiddo comes on the internet ready to be excited about making or celebrating characters that represent themselves and No Matter Where They Go running into everyone else’s negative impressions first and foremost.

We joke about how everyone hates Toronto, though I’ve always understood it in a teasing way because I’ve never ACTUALLY met someone (outside of our current legislative assembly) who REALLY hates Toronto, but it does feel like I’ve encountered (directly or indirectly) people who do Genuinely hate Alberta and hoo boy is That a strange feeling. I mean, there’s an understanding that BC also ‘hates’ Alberta but half the people in BC are originally from Alberta so it’s a, uh, different feeling.

The story of Alberta from everywhere else is always the story of that Angus Reid article and the memes and comments and listicles that spin out around mainstream media. Alberta is giving too much. Alberta is getting too little. Alberta is too stupid to understand that equalization payments are a good thing actually, and Alberta is too dumb to understand you don’t really need EI if you make enough money in six months to own a house and multiple vehicles Just Because you own a house and multiple vehicles. Alberta is destroying the environment for everybody. Alberta has a huge concentration of white supremacists. Alberta is the Texas of Canada* and has the conservative streak and bible belt to match. Alberta should get annexed by the US. Oh, but Banff! We like Banff, though.

And like I said, politicians use these widespread feelings to stir up the sentiments of people who can’t afford to travel, people who are naturally suspicious of mainstream news, people who have barely even left their hometowns let alone the province and have no other means of validating what they hear, but people who’s emotions are genuinely tied to real feelings of alienation that really exist and HAVE existed for generations. And when the so-called “laurentian elites” in ontario and quebec make fun of them for being uneducated red necks, well, you hit a wasps nest and expected what, exactly?

what even am i doing

And like I’m faced with this question every day I decide to pick up my stylus and badger you all with unsolicited comics: do I want this to continue? Do I want to wear the mask that fits? Do I want to stand aside and say #notallalbertans #notlikeotheralbertans and stand over here on the island** patting myself on the back for not? being? there? Do I say yes, you’re right, and stand aside and watch loud mouth white supremacists co-opt wexiters and let them lead the perception of the province I grew up in just because that is what’s currently happening? Do I acknowledge the widespread sentiment and then pick apart every other province to say Well Actually You’re Equally Problematic Hypocrites, So There?

Obviously I’ve been saying no for a while. I’m perfectly happy to acknowledge the reality and when I draw stupid gag comics like this or this you can tell (hopefully) from my style that it’s tongue and cheek. When I draw less stupid not-gag comics like this or this I am trying to explore the Real Sentiments in a way that doesn’t completely polarize the issue and spin it out of control. I’m more of the opinion that even though Current Sentiments do get in the way that as personifications they 1. have some perspective and as people they 2. have some interest in not throwing out a friendship that was a struggle to build up every time the polls change or some new radical party seizes power. I do a lot of research and I want that to be reflected in my understanding of each characters deep seated beliefs and motivations, but I don’t want to let either the history or the current realities dictate the future if I am going to try to do that myself. 

why even am i doing it for

So like really the heart of the matter is: I am writing what I write for my thirteen year old self. She was the me who moved back to Canada from the United States, who’s first introduction to living there was a hellish surge of nationalism after September 11th. Who’s defense against that was to hide behind a shield of Canada is Better, Actually and who returned to Alberta during the boom years to realize that, oh wait, the rest of the country thinks we’re assholes just like they think the United States is. Who spent her teenage years learning that, boom or bust, the widespread sentiment in and out of the province is just as narrow, shortsighted, self interested, and stubborn as her own fiction of What Canada Was Supposed to be Like. Who learned that propping up that image at the expense of her friendships was not worth it, that propping up that image at the expense of people who are suffering and dying under that image is not worth it. Who found herself rehashing the same sort of gut reaction defensiveness online because the Guilt and Apologizing on behalf of her province compared to others felt Really Heavy for a kid who didn’t have any clue what to do about it and was just there to have fun and learn some stuff.

So I’m writing for anyone else who finds themselves exhausted and saddened by coming online and seeing that the only way that people can imagine Alberta is as an antagonist. I’d like to challenge everyone to start to imagine it better. It’s my little “escape” from reality, and for me it’s much easier to talk to people here where the stakes aren’t as high and the grievances a little less personal.

I’m also writing (in a more secondary way) for everyone who’s ever looked at alberta from afar and wondered What is going On inside your Head and is it always This

(no comment at this time)

as always, I’m here to explain At The Very Least what goes on in My head because at the end of the day, that’s all I can do. And though there are some things that make me angry and emotional, I’m happy to explain why. Happy to answer asks or chat on discord or whatever, any time I have the time. :)

footnotes

*This is just a footnote to say something I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of my comments, but this is an annoyance that me and my Texas Tomodachi share lol

**You’ll notice angry Albertans online have a favourite tactic, and that’s pointing out hypocrisy. They can justify A N y T h I n G by calling another province a hypocrite “so there” (i.e. BC can’t claim to be environmentally conscious because of Victoria’s sewage problem or Site C) - and while I am interested in shattering the image of Alberta vs. the Perfect Rest of Canada a little bit, I feel like it’s a very lazy argument that is used to deflect and not to help. I think it is more useful to unpack the sentiment of Why Alberta Still Feels Taken Advantage of rather than mudslinging, and when the mud starts flying no one seems interested in addressing problems anymore.

[watchtheblog]

petty cache

thank you for coming to read my diary which masquerades as a blog but is actually just a vessel for disseminating my birthday wishlists. it’s like an event you show up to where the host tries to sell you a timeshare 25 minutes after some requisite, mindless song and dance.

welcome! if you’d like purchase a timeshare, scroll to the bottom. for the song and dance, look no further:

the other day i zoned out on zoom therapy and when my therapist asked where i “went” i had to lie because i had gone to the part of my brain that holds all the things i need to think about forever for no reason (i call it the petty cache — this is an umbrella term for the space that also houses my attitude cabinet) and dusted off a memory of a comment i saw on a stranger’s facebook three weeks ago that said “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”.

i don’t know either person, and that’s what i was thinking about. i spend $[redacted] a month on therapy and instead of focusing on one of my numerous unsolved mysteries, i was thinking about the nuances of this comment - like why they wouldn’t just share the news or message the person directly? or what losing their password had to do with anything? or why they would comment on facebook instead of texting or calling the person. did they not have their number? imagine not knowing someone well enough to have their phone number, but still wanting to share your good news with them!

all i want (for my birthday) is to know what the news is that this stranger has to share, and i’ll never know so i have to put that comment in my minutiae repository with all the other things that will plague me until i die from texting and driving, smoke inhalation as a result of purposely leaving a candle lit in my home overnight almost every night, consuming half a dozen hot dogs a week, or a now unnamed disease that will posthumously be attributed to my chronic inability to mind my own business.

i’m constantly concerning myself with things that are none of my concern - no matter how insignificant - because my brain is a commune of sentient pepperoni running instagram polls among themselves to discern if something is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about. and guess what? it turns out absolutely everything that has ever offended, confused, bothered, intrigued, slightly inconvenienced, or merely happened to me is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about.

because i devote so much energy to nonsense, i can often be found persecuting strangers for insulting me on the internet (and for other miscellaneous bad behavior). the information superhighway is my home so i have to protect myself (and my friends) here, and if that means spending 45 minutes to 48 hours trying to find every misstep you’ve made in your life until i have enough ammunition to spray a dozen simulated retaliatory bullets at your virtual head because you called me a “stupid bitch” on instagram, well… so be it!

i am relentless in my pursuit of wasting time, so if that doesn’t work, i will find the cold stone creamery you frequent, seek employment there, be hired on the spot, learn the craft, be promoted to manager, poison you on your birthday, gain access to your funeral, and tarnish your reputation by reading your shitty DM in front of the few family and friends whom i haven’t already made aware of the abhorrent way you conducted yourself online!

there are so many different ways strangers will try to hurt your feelings — an interesting genre of which come from men who (like me) have definitely never had sex before, and mistakenly think i care about the ways in which my body does not make them horny.

“no tits” one will say. and i’m like, how do you want me to respond to that? my boobs are indeed small, yes. did you come here to shoot facts back and forth all day? ok: you’re going to start balding way sooner than you’re prepared for, i bet your childhood dog is dead, your time on the internet should be supervised, your closet is full of vests, and you wait on line at nightclubs… good day?!

while i will obviously engage with anyone if they want to fight, i prefer when the unsolicited criticism is personalized, and not just thoughtless, lazily devised tripe.

a year and a half ago, a man who looked like he exhales smog DMed me to let me know - among other things in a paragraph long rant - he’d “lost brain cells” watching my story. knowing he had likely never had an adequate amount to begin with, it seemed like an emergency, so i started a group DM with his wife. because his message had come just three days after a “fuckkk [heart eye emoji]” response to a photo of my ass, i included a screenshot as evidence of his devolving mental state.

being - presumably - gainfully employed, neither of them responded.

luckily, the consolation prize for insulting me is that you gain residency in my brain and stay in my thoughts and prayers for all eternity, so i checked in on them a few days ago. they’d unfollowed and wiped their feeds clean of each other!!

because i’ve never “moved on” in my entire life, i fired up our long dormant group chat, and sent my condolences: “aw. sorry your trip to positano - where you were going to attempt to repair your ramshackle marriage - got cancelled because of covid and so you just got divorced instead :(” i wrote before being blocked by both of them. 

then i headed right over to my therapist’s facebook and commented “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”

i spent an entire therapy session detailing this monomania before my therapist thoughtfully suggested i “pick [my] battles”.

to which i thoughtfully responded: yeah, babe. i pick every single one.

                                                        ***

timeshare time! it’s the same list as this post, with a few additions (at top) (and edits based on availability).

places to donate food education fund pretty brown girl the okra project

some furniture stuff a side table  a pointless, laughably tiny little thing this website is calling a “drink table” a lamp one of these benches i do not want this but it’s important to me that at least 2 other people know it exists

this plant that obviously does not need to cost $165 but idk how to shop economically

air pods

gifts from the previous post - all still v much in play!

a pair of shoes (size 8 or 38) one pair, another pair, yet another, these are on sale, these are not, and a final pair

a specific clutch with three color choices they allege this color is called sand but it looks white to me, pink, green for those who do not know what malachite means (it couldn’t be me. i learned it 3 hours ago when i began compiling this cursed list)

something everyone with money to waste needs this

dresses i’ll never be able to wear until there’s a vaccine because unlike someone tacky who knows me, i won’t be having a birthday party in the middle of a global pandemic (hi, you fool) white polka dot, not white polka dot, also not polka dot, a red dress, a skirt (aka half a dress), a black dress

this sweatsuit xs in this, small in this

is sephora cancelled? i want this hair dryer which i’m sure you can buy elsewhere if sephora is cancelled, which it v well may be

this item which you may think is cheap but actually it’s not soooo a hairpin

earrings one pair, another pair, and another

this dress which i’ll never wear anywhere even when there is a vaccine because… what?! but maybe. you never know. size 34. lol when i get this far into the list i’m always blown away by how insane it is that i do this every year to no audience. so i’m just laughing alone at that. :) i am v funny to myself. another dress i’ll never wear ;)

the nicest weighted blanket you know of i’m depressed!!!!! if you can’t tell!!!!!!!

every year i have asked for a weekend bag and every year i have not received one, so alas, we try again this is not a weekend bag actually but it will do. this is!

a peloton but just venmo me the cash (@merce212) because i have a hookup

an assortment of ridiculous things a $500 body scarf a $580 beach towel with an octopus on it for no reason besides “art” i cannot tell analog time but it’s never too late to start!! how mad would you be if someone bought you a roulette table for your wrist? be honest. (THIS WATCH IS FOUR YEARS RENT!!!!!!) they won’t say how much this costs :( i’m losing my mind and must be gifted a chanel watch or else i will perish. to put my salami on when i am eating salami in my bed “24k gold crocodile [?!!) teddy bear”. the website says there’s only one left, which begs the question “why did someone buy one of these rather than buying me a chanel watch?!!” *real ‘billionaires shouldn’t exist [unless they’re buying me a watch]’ energy* to put my new watch in this is ugly but it’s on sale :) idk wtf “secret box pendant” means but i wish this necklace was also a USB with every season and spinoff of 90 day fiancé on it hi yes i’m stupid but i draw the line at $1500 connect four…

[inejkaz]

i was tagged by @mollyweasly to answer the following 73 questions! thank you for tagging me steph ♥ 

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? i'm actually pretty content and the only thing that i'm rdreading right now is my upcoming finals so maybe 6!

describe yourself in a hashtag? #alwaystired

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? no one comes to mind but steph's answer was chris evans and i'd say the same tbh 👀

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? uh maybe "dumb bitch" or "chaotic mess" LMAO idk honestly my life isn't that interesting most of the time

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? that i'm lowkey depressed. most of my old friends know this but they don't rlly know how bad it makes me feel sometimes & i don't think i'll ever tell my college friends abt this except for one person!

what’s your wake up ritual? lay in bed for another 5-15 mins, check the time, and brush my teeth. next i'd either shower, workout, or attend online class

what’s your go to bed ritual? just on my phone looking at useless things and answering my friends' messages. i'll get tired soon so i'll just daydream and sleep. lately i've been listening to music to help me sleep!

what’s your favorite time of day? late night and early morning

your go to for having a good laugh? i love watching lip sync battles. my favorites are by emma stone, tom holland, anne hathaway & channing tatum!

dream country to visit? the UK! my cousin talks abt it all the time and now she's taking her postgrad degree there which makes me incredibly jealous 😢 but honestly i'm dying to travel europe as a whole!

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? probably when my high school friends bought me the doc martens shoes that i LOVE for my 17th birthday! i love them and miss them even tho many are not in touch with me anymore

heels or flats/sneakers? flats/sneakers definitely! i've never tried heels tbh i can only endure wedges and they alr hurt SO much

vintage or new? both

who do you want to write your obituary? probably my best friend!

style icon? taylor swift during the red era, noora sætre, orion carloto, ashley aka best.dressed!

what are three things you cannot live without? books, internet, family

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? salt

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? taylor swift, chris evans, audrey hepburn

what’s your biggest fear in life? the unknown, anything horror & reptiles esp lizards (i can't stand reptiles AT ALL i'd literally cry and die if i have to touch one or sleep in the same room with one)

window or aisle seat? window

what’s your current tv obsession? haven't been watching any tv lately but i've been watching mukbangs on youtube a lot

favorite app? line (a messaging app mostly used by indonesians. i rlly like the stickers and themes i own lmao)

secret talent? i can play guitar just a lil bit

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? either drinking beers with my friends on a school field trip or not telling my parents that i went to the city alone during college just to hangout by myself

how would you define yourself in three words? introverted, chaotic, anxious

favorite piece of clothing you own? an adidas jacket that was on a 50% sale for international women's day!!! 

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? black pants

a superpower you would want? invisibility and mind control!!!

what’s inspiring you in life right now? since i was a little kid, i've always been inspired by my cousin. she's my role model!

best piece of advice you’ve received? to literally BELIEVE in yourself

best advice you’d give your teenage self? don't be so self-aware bc everyone's busy with themselves, make more friends, cherish your time in school more

a book everyone should read? harry potter series, the raven cycle

what would you like to be remembered for? for being a good, positive person

how do you define beauty? beauty is whatever that evokes a positive feeling out of oneself i guess!

what do you love most about your body? my eyes

best way to take a rest/decompress? skincare, listen to soothing music, drink a warm beverage, watch smth that's easy to watch, and just sleep! 

favorite place to view art? galleries, but i've only been to one sadly

if your life was a song, what would the title be? maybe "paradox" or "misunderstood"

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano! but it's expensive and not portable so if i'm being realistic, it'd be guitar

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? in the back of my neck! also maybe on any of my fingers or below my ribcage

dolphins or koalas? koalas

what’s your spirit animal? deer!

best gift you’ve ever received? doc martens shoes given by my friends!

best gift you’ve given? i think i wrote my friend letters to open when she's in different moods once

what’s your favorite board game? monopoly

what’s your favorite color? pink, purple, yellow, monochrome

least favorite color? i just dislike bright obnoxious colors

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? both, but i mostly can't afford designer anyway so..

blow-dry or air-dry? both

pilates or yoga? i've never tried any actually

coffee or tea? both, but i'm leaning towards tea

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? can't think of any right now..

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk chocolate!!!

stairs or elevators? elevators

summer or winter? winter

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? burgers!!

a dessert you don’t like? basically i won't like anything with fruits

a skill you’re working on mastering? photoshop i guess? i'm planning to learn coding too now that i have the time!!

best thing to happen to you today? probably finishing my gifset! but honestly, i was supposed to be studying lmao

worst thing to happen to you today? i didn't study lmao

best compliment you’ve ever received? i don't think it's anything that memorable so i can't really think of one

favorite smell? jasmine

hugs or kisses? both

if you made a documentary, would it be about? space, mythology

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? i get a little teary eyed if i come across a touching content on instagram/twitter tbh lmao. but i'd say the last movie that made me cry so bad was her (2013)

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? savory

girl crush? emma watson

how do you know your in love? don't think i've ever been in love, i've only experienced like a very long crush so...

a song you can listen to on repeat? there are a lot... but for now, woman by mumford & sons and anything by taylor swift

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? taylor swift!!!

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? i've just been enjoying editing for tumblr a lot, i haven't really posted consistent content in my 10 years of being here so that's been fun. i also want to learn coding and become an overall healthier person by working out regularly & eating mindfully! honestly i'm trying to build my confidence and become healthier, both mentally and physically 

tagging: @dianaprincie @cllianmurphy @cinderllas @edgarallan @rosamunqpike @gamoora @nataliamaximoff (sorry if you've done this before, feel free to ignore!)