#idiot goob

[laf-outloud]

https://incarnateirony.tumblr.com/post/739967001000378368/

This is how stupid goob is, and how dumb his followers are to believe him:

Anonymous asked: You say Jared is “blacklisted” but he’s literally being promoted by multiple media sites for his appearance at The Statesman in ATX…..Jared’s just out there living his best life, aren’t the lies and weird need to tear down him getting old by now? Goob: Hey look, idiots that don’t understand things like complete sentences, qualifying adjectives, subject specifics and industry operations! Why, yes. studios can in fact pay this company to make them market, plug, or reference people, even if they don’t like them. That’s literally how it fucking works. It’s not complicated Karen. That doesn’t stop them from blacklisting him from their events, which I clarified very specifically.

Goob is now claiming that Jared is both blacklisted AND studios and companies are also paying to promote him even though they hate him! The power. To be sooo important that people will pay to promote him even though that is going against his totally "real" blacklisting!

Just say you do not know what blacklisting and leave it at that, because goob is just proving that to be true everytime they make a new post.

I knew, as soon as we hit this period where Jensen's out of a job and Jared's actively working that the haters would redouble their efforts to try and discredit Jared. But, it never works because one, they're so incredibly terrible at it, and two, none of it's actually true.

But, I do pay attention to Goob in one regard. I always know that whatever he claims, the opposite will happen. So, based on previous experience, I can predict that multiple media organizations will continue to promote Jared (of their own free will), and instead of being blacklisted, Jared's on the waitlist for studios/productions to snatch him up as soon as he's available.

[lyzergide]

who up dandying their world or wahtever

[connie-boolynski]

I played VR today, and I almost threw up, but at least I was preppy~♡♡♡🥰

Also I was Dog from cat dog but yeah.

[snazzy-suit]

Luigi: Liaison of Ghosts Chapter 5.10 - Hey! Creatures! Leave Them Kids Alone!

MP - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5.1 -5.2 - 5.3 - 5.4 - 5.5 - 5.6 - 5.7 - 5.8 - 5.9 - (5.10) - 6 - 7.1 - 7.2 - 7.3 - 7.4 - 7.5 - 8

Part 10 of 10

[Prefer to read on ao3? Click here]

In which Luigi leads, E. Gadd does machines, Gooigi is cool but rude, and Pepper is a party dude.

______________________________

The icy blue flames illuminating the room flutter aimlessly in their sconces. They flicker once, twice, and as one, they extinguish. If not for the glow of the magic circle and the ghost hunting duo’s flashlights, all would have been plunged into darkness. A cacophony of collapsing bodies resonates through the darkened expanse. The eerie screeching and hissing of the undead are replaced by the clatter of hollow bone and crumbling rot, followed swiftly by deafening silence. It is still—quiet, but for the distant drip of moisture and heaving breaths of the two sole mortal occupants.

Then, almost as quickly as they went out, the sconces re-ignite, but in the comforting warm hues of a natural flame. The freezing, paranormal chill blanketing the dungeon recedes. Warmth is not left in its wake, merely the cool dampness typical of a subterranean world. The crushing presence of a dark entity’s miasma dissipates like fog in the morning sun. It is lighter, this new atmosphere, but it is not clean.

Dane sinks to his knees, staring wide-eyed at the magic circle and its contents as the glow begins to fade. The Doogan giggles, a touch hysterical. “Stars above… that actually worked.”

Luigi and Gooigi share a look before dashing over to the kid. Dane waves languidly at them with a tired smile. “Ha-ha, wow. Merlich? More like Merloser, am I right fellas?” His arm flops to his side, the motion abrupt yet boneless. “…Good Grambi that was awful. I am so sorry.”

Luigi doesn’t refute this. He takes a knee by the kid, carefully avoiding the magic circle. “Dane, how are you feeling?”

The kid’s brows knit together in consideration. “Everything tastes purple for some reason and I’m kinda tired. Why?”

“Uh…” Gooigi warbles. “Maybe because you just performed sealing magic? On a very powerful ghost?”

“…is that a big deal or…?”

Luigi’s forehead meets his palm. “It’s highly advanced magic—one that normally requires a lot of discipline to execute without consequence—and yet you pulled it off with a hastily drawn magic circle and…” Luigi pauses, turning to look at the small object inside the circle. “Wait, what did you use as the vessel?”

Dane reaches forward and gingerly takes the small object from the magic circle. He holds it up proudly for the plumber to examine. Luigi is dismayed by what he sees.

It’s the kid’s pepper shaker.

“See, Luigi?” Dane says, “I told you pepper protects you from demons.”

Luigi can’t muster up the energy to correct the boy. Instead, he carefully accepts the pepper shaker, noting that the container appears to be made up of thick plastic. He takes some comfort in knowing that a careless fumble wouldn’t spell disaster, not like if the vessel had been glass or ceramic. Would opening the lid free the ghost, though? Stars, he hopes not.

“This… shouldn’t have worked,” Luigi mutters.

“If anyone else had made the attempt, it likely wouldn’t have.”

The group turns as one to the intruding party. The Koopa Vitiate is hovering a short distance away. Behind them lie piles upon piles of bones. Many of the skeletons are positioned as if they had collapsed mid-step. Not a spark of light shows in any of their darkened eye sockets. 1

Dane ducks behind Luigi with a startled yelp. Luigi slowly gets to his feet, eyeing the Dry Horde’s remains warily before looking back at the Vitiate. “What do you mean?” he asks.

“The child was the one to summon my former master. As such, they held power over him.”

Luigi inhales sharply. “The contract…”

Dane dares to peek out from his hiding spot. “Contract?”

“When you summon a spectral entity, they become bound to you by magic—a contract of sorts. You have power over them, meaning your will supersedes their own.”

The Doogan pointedly looks around the dreary dungeon. “Well, that creep clearly found a loophole, because I can promise you, I didn’t want any of this.”

“Powerful entities can resist the contract’s magic, to a point,” the knight supplies. “But if they are weakened enough…”

“Oh.” Dane frowns. “Is that why he wanted to kill me so badly?”

“No. You were never seen as a threat; just another energy source to drain—” the ghost sweeps a hand behind them, “—and another body to add to his collection.”

Dane stares at the mass of collapsed bones in horror. “Wait. Are you saying they’re—?”

“Over a millenia's worth of Merlich’s victims.”

The kid shakily runs a hand along his head, knocking his cap askew. “Good Grambi. I was almost one of them.”

“You would have been,” the ghost states bluntly, “if not for that wretch’s interest in the human.”

Luigi tenses as all eyes turn to him.

“Why do you always seem to attract the megalomaniacs?”

Luigi sighs heavily. “Must be my charming personality,” he grumbles. He looks at the Dark Koopa. “Thank you, for all your help. I hate to think how things would have turned out if you had not intervened.”

The Vitiate shakes their head. “Your gratitude is unnecessary. My motivations were not altruistic.” They gesture to Dane. “My contract to the boy superseded the one I had with my former master, allowing me to defy him for the first time in decades. The presence of you and your partner only complicated matters, even if it did eventually turn the tide in my favor.”

“Ouch. My ego.”

“If anyone is deserving of your gratitude,” the ghost continues, “it’s the chaos spirit. I wouldn’t have been able to return to the wizard’s domain without them.”

Dane stares at the ghost uncomprehendingly, but Luigi and Gooigi are already turning their focus to the Polterpup. Pepper is chewing on his hind leg, seemingly oblivious to the conversation.

“Okay,” Luigi sighs, “that’s the… I don’t know, fourth or fifth time I’ve heard someone call him that.” He looks back at the knight. “What in Stars’ name is a ‘chaos spirit’?”

“A spirit with chaotic traits.”

Luigi waits for them to elaborate. When they don’t, he narrows his eyes, annoyed. Was the ghost intentionally being obtuse? “Yeah, I think I could glean that from the name. Could you expound on that?”

The knight glances at the spirit in question. “I am not educated in that subject matter.”

Luigi frowns. He has a feeling the knight isn’t being entirely honest but decides not to press further (he can always ask the professor later if they know anything). The knight’s wording, however, takes him down a different train of thought. Speaking of uneducated…

“Dane… where did you get the idea for using sealing magic, again?”

The Doogan perks up, seemingly unbothered by the non sequitur. “Oh! I got it from Pepper.” He reaches over and pulls the Polterpup into what is likely meant to be a hug but looks more like a headlock. Pepper grunts mildly in displeasure, half-heartedly trying to wiggle free. “Smart, spooky puppy.”

Luigi and his partner exchange a bemused glance. “How, though? Did… did he… tell you or…?”

“Uh… not with words, no.” Dane releases Pepper—the latter chuffing as they give themselves a good shake—and picks up the spell book. “Shortly after you guys ran off to fight the wizard, Pepper came up to me and dropped the book in my lap. It was open to this page.” Dane points to the page in question. “I didn’t really pay it any mind at first, but he kept pawing at the book, and then he stuck his little snoot in my jacket pocket and pulled out the pepper shaker. I thought he was trying to be funny or something.

“That’s when I took a closer look at the pages. I didn’t really understand the writing, but there were some super helpful drawings that helped fill in the blanks.” Dane holds up the book so they can see the illustrations. “I figured you and your dog did stuff like this all the time, so I trusted him and gave it a shot.”

Luigi looks at Pepper. The Polterpup is now gnawing on his front left paw (does he have fleas? Can spirits get fleas??). He looks every bit the cute and clueless canine that Luigi knows and loves, but after tonight, the plumber finds himself questioning everything he knows about his ghostly companion.

‘I told you pepper protects you from demons.’

And as Luigi regards the Polterpup, he finds that there is more truth to that statement than any of them realize. Luigi leans down, and with the tiniest hint of hesitation, reaches out with his free hand to scritch behind what approximates the canine’s ears. “Thank you, Pepper,” he says softly.

Pepper leans into Luigi’s hand with a happy whine.

“Um…” Gooigi warbles, garnering his partner’s attention. “Not to cut this sweet moment short, but can we leave now? I kinda hate it here.”

Dane snorts in agreement as Luigi straightens with a sigh. There’s still a lot he doesn’t understand, but he’s starting to accept he won’t be finding the answers tonight. It’s time they left this dreary dungeon behind. “Sure, let’s go home.” He looks at the spell book, brows furrowing. “Though I don’t know where to begin looking for the right spell to take us there.”

“Does it have an index?”

“You needn’t waste time searching,” the knight interjects, “I know of the magic you seek and where it resides in the book…”

Luigi eyes the ghost warily. “…I’m sensing a ‘but’.”

“Hm. Perhaps you are more perceptive than I give you credit for.” The Dark Koopa raises a hand when Luigi’s eyes narrow marginally. “Be at ease. I will help you return to your dwelling. All I ask is that you sever my contract with the child first.”

Gooigi shrugs. “That seems fair.”

“And,” the ghost continues, pointing to the pepper shaker in Luigi’s hand, “you leave that with me.”

“…come again?”

“That wretch has been the bane of my existence for the past six centuries,” the Vitiate growls. “I will not risk them breaking free because of the carelessness of a nescient mortal. My strength is not in the arcane arts, but I know enough to keep them contained and hidden away.”

Luigi’s eyes trail down to the unconventional vessel. He had considered handing it over to Merlon to safeguard. The wizard was powerful and trustworthy, but he also lived in a highly populated area. If Merlich somehow breaches containment, it will not end well.

“Okay,” Luigi says at last, “it’s a deal.”

Gooigi double takes. “Are you sure that’s wise? Shouldn’t we give the vessel to the professor?”

Luigi stares at his partner blankly.

“…Stars above, you’re right; that’s a terrible idea.” He waves Luigi on. “Forget I said anything.”

Without another word, Luigi walks over to the Dark Koopa and carefully hands them the vessel. The ghost accepts it with equal care.

The ghost nods imperceptibly. “Very good,” They hold out their free hand toward Dane. “Now, let us sever the contract.”

Dane nervously hugs the spell book to his chest. “Um… that isn’t literal, is it? You don’t need to sever, like, an arm from my body or something, right?”

Luigi and the Vitiate give Dane a strange look. “Good Grambi, kid,” Luigi says, “Why would I agree to something that would hurt you?”

“I didn’t think you’d do it on purpose! Maybe you didn’t know that’s what it means to sever a contract!”

“I’ve witnessed plenty of contract terminations. I know what they entail.”

“Okay, well, what if they attack me afterwards?”

“I find you moderately irritating, child,” the dark entity rasps, “but I have no desire to harm you.”

“You threw an axe at my head!”

“I also buried one in your shoulder, and yet, you haven’t a scratch to show for it.”

“I—!” The Doogan blinks. “Don’t remember that.”

Luigi winces at the memory. “You were being possessed at the time,” he supplies.

The Vitiate nods. “You were never my target, child. I was after the vile creature pulling at your strings from within. My weapons operate on intent—they only harm what I want them to.”

“…Oh.” Dane looks down at the book and back to the ghost. “That’s cool. And convenient!”

“It sure is,” Gooigi says, patting the teen’s shoulder. He moves to join Luigi, turning to the kid and walking backward as he goes. “Now, let’s give the nice ghost a magic pink slip so we can leave.”

Dane hesitantly follows, moving so they are standing in front of the Vitiate. The ghost wordlessly holds out their free hand. Dane looks from the hand to Luigi, questioningly.

“Take their hand,” Luigi tells him, “and hold it firmly.”

Dane does as instructed. He shivers at the dark entity’s cold grip. “N-now what?”

“Slowly pull back until their hand slips from yours. Keep your arm extended.”

The Doogan and the ghost mirror the action. The moment their hands separate, a thin, glowing thread appears in their respective grip, held taut between them. Dane looks at the paranormal tether with wide eyes.

“Now,” Luigi continues, “let the thread go slack for a moment, and then quickly pull back as hard as you can until it breaks.”

Dane and the Dark Koopa once again mirror Luigi’s instructions. The glowing thread snaps cleanly between them. The teenager watches in awe as the thread fades from the visible spectrum.

“All done,” Gooigi says cheerfully.

Dane looks at the ectomorph in surprise. “Wait, that’s it?”

“Yep.”

The Doogan blinks owlishly. “Oh. I thought I’d have to recite an incantation.” He frowns. “Maybe perform some kind of complex ritual.”

Luigi shrugs. “Those are some ways to do it, but mutually severing a contract is much easier.”

“Huh. Neat.” Dane turns back to the ghost, looking somewhat sheepish. “Hey, uh, sorry again for all the trouble tonight. We all good?”

“Your heedless summoning inevitably led to my freedom. This more than atones for the tribulations you wrought.”

“…cool?”

The kid stumbles with a yelp as an unseen force pulls the spell book from its tucked position beneath his arm. The old tome comes to a stop in front of the ghost and opens. With a flick of the knight’s wrist, the old pages rapidly turn before settling just as quickly. Another wave of the hand, and the book abruptly turns and is thrust back into Dane’s arms.

“The spell and corresponding magic circle you need to return home is on the left page.” The knight turns and sweeps a hand toward the floor. Some of the debris from their fight with the wizard is swept aside, clearing a section of the floor just large enough to accommodate an appropriately sized magic circle. “Now, depart with haste. I have an army’s worth of remains to lay to rest.”

“Uh… you got any chalk we can use or…?”

“No.”

“Fantastic,” Dane grumbles, already scanning the ground for another makeshift drawing utensil. Gooigi joins the hunt, but just as Luigi offers his assistance, the Vitiate grabs him by the shoulder.

“A word, human?” Dane and Gooigi pause to look at the two curiously. “In private,” the ghost adds.

Luigi nods, warily following the Vitiate out of earshot. “Is there something I can help you with?”

The Vitiate whirls around, silencing Luigi with the intensity of their piercing red gaze. “What are you?” they hiss.

“…a plumber?”

The Dark Koopa lurches toward Luigi with a snarl. Luigi takes a startled step back, but otherwise holds his ground. Clearly, that had been the wrong answer.

“Do not play games with me, ‘human’,” the Dark Koopa growls. “Why do you continue to hide in this mortal form?”

Luigi gapes at the knight, utterly bewildered. “What in Stars’ name are you talking about?”

“Your energy betrays you. It has changed drastically since I last saw you in the child’s domain.” The knight looms closer. “You are no mere mortal.”

“I’m pretty sure I have a few bruised ribs that beg to differ,” Luigi retorts. “Would this have anything to do with me being a Star Child? Your former master seemed really thrilled about it.”

The knight shakes their head. “I’ve met other Star Children in the past, and their energy was not like yours.”

Luigi pinches his brow against an oncoming headache. “And what, pray tell, is my energy like?”

“A spirit.”

Luigi’s heart stutters in his chest. He looks up at the Vitiate, wide-eyed. The dark entity regards him curiously.

“…you truly don’t know, do you?”

“Wha—no!” Luigi sputters. “How would I?!”

The Dark Koopa folds their arms over their chest. “What did Merlich do to you before I arrived?”

“Aside from trying to monologue me to death? Palm-reading.” Luigi lifts the hand in question, casually inspecting it. He frowns. “Then he… forced eye-contact. It was like he was looking through me.”

“The eyes are the window into the soul.”

“So I’ve heard,” Luigi mumbles. “He apparently found something he wanted—some kind of energy—and… tried to take it.” Luigi decides to omit the wizard’s claim that the energy wasn’t even his to begin with.

The Dark Koopa hums thoughtfully. “I see…”

“That makes one of us. Mind sharing with the rest of the class?”

“It’s purely conjecture, but it stands to reason that the energy I’m sensing now and the energy Merlich attempted to siphon from you are one and the same. That wretch’s meddling must have stoked this energy from its dormancy.”

Luigi looks down at his hands, as if expecting to see this unknown energy. He chuckles briefly with a hint of hysteria. “Oh, that’s just wonderful.”

“Hardly,” the Vitiate retorts, unaware or uncaring of his sarcasm, “this kind of power is inevitably going to draw the wrong kind of attention, especially as it grows stronger. If you were truly a spirit, there would be little cause for concern—specters don’t usually attack stronger specters—but because you’re mortal…”

“…I’m seen as an easy target,” Luigi finishes.

“Indeed. Until you can fully utilize this power, you are at great risk.” The knight pauses, looking contemplative. “In the meantime, I leave you with this:”

There is a flash of orange light, and Luigi looks up in time for the entity to strike him in the chest with their armored palm. Luigi stumbles back a couple steps with a yelp. He regains his footing as an unknown rune glows fleetingly before him and winks out of existence. Luigi affixes the dark entity with a glare.

“Good Grambi, what was that for?!”

“Your protection.” The Vitiate replies, unapologetic. “I lack the skillset to help seal your energy, but I can disguise it—create a red herring, if you will.” They point at Luigi. “I have placed a powerful ward on your person. Spectral entities that detect it will arrive at the infinitely more logical conclusion that the ward is the source of the spirit energy, not you.” 2

Luigi blinks. “Oh. That’s… actually really helpful, thank you.”

The Dark Koopa dips their head marginally in acknowledgement. “It is but a temporary solution. The ward should last a few lunar cycles. Ideally, you will have found a way to rein in your energy by then.” The Vitiate looks past him and Luigi follows their gaze. They are looking at Pepper. The Polterpup is watching Dane and Gooigi as the two work to draw the magic circle. “You are fortunate to have that one’s favor. Keep them close; you’ll need their protection now more than ever.”

The cold buzz of energy indicative of a ghost’s presence suddenly vanishes from Luigi’s side. He turns and finds the knight is gone. Luigi frowns. Why do ghosts always insist on being so dramatic?

With a sigh, Luigi walks back to his group. Gooigi stands upon his approach and tosses him the shard of rock they’d been using to help draw the magic circle. Luigi catches it with a slight fumble.

“Where’d the Knight in Rusted Armor go?”

Luigi shrugs tiredly. “I’m not sure. They made a cryptic remark and left when I wasn’t looking.”

“Ah. So, the usual?”

“Yeah, the usual.”

Dane looks up from the spell book. “That’s normal for you guys?”

Luigi nods. “When a ghost makes their exit, it’s either quiet and mysterious, or with an angry howl—usually accompanied by a declaration of vengeance.”

“There’s no in-between. Well, unless they’re willfully crossing over to the other side, but that’s a whole different matter.”

“…huh. Who knew ghosts could be such big—”

“Careful,” Luigi interjects, “just because you can’t see a ghost, doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t around. They could still be observing us.”

Dane winces, casting a wary eye about the eerie room. “Good to know…”

The Doogan returns to replicating the magic circle shown in the spell book. Luigi takes over for Gooigi (drawing isn’t the easiest thing to do when your hands have the consistency of gelatin), and a few short minutes later, the magic circle is complete. Luigi double checks their work, and when he is satisfied that everything matches the drawing in the book, he calls everyone to stand in the circle. He blanches when the Polterpup trots up to him with a yellowed femur in their mouth. At some point, the spirit had wandered off and claimed a treat from the fallen horde. 3

“Pepper, no; put that back,” Luigi says tiredly. “We have bones at home.”

The Polterpup whines but acquiesces. With a huff and a toss of their head, the bone goes soaring back into the sizable pile of skeletal remains. Luigi shakes their head and turns to Dane. He holds out his hand for the spell book.

“I’ll take it from here,” he says.

Dane smiles wearily and passes him the book without protest. “Please do.”

For the first time that night, Luigi holds the old tome with a quiet heart and mind. There is no sense of urgency, no anger, nor dread. He merely regards the magic text with the caution and respect it is due. Luigi takes a composing breath. He thinks of the dusty attic where tonight’s tribulations began, and he begins to read. 4

______________________________

Professor E. Gadd is getting anxious.

Anxious, as in eager anticipation. Not anxious, as in worried, because the professor is not worried. Luigi has faced greater threats in the past—a slumber party crashed by angry ghosts is child’s play. Sure, these were stronger than your average ghosts. Yes, Vitiates are highly malevolent. And, okay, E. Gadd will admit that the children’s accounts were a touch concerning, but it was fine! Kids exaggerate when they’re scared. Luigi had just requested him to bring Gooigi as a precaution. Between the two of them, this hullabaloo will be taken care of in no time.

The professor glances at his watch—it’s a few minutes past the witching hour. What is taking the lad so long?

E. Gadd resists the urge to worriedly impatiently pace the yard. He settles on tapping his foot as a compromise. With a quiet huff, he folds his arms over his chest and casts his gaze over his anxious company. Luigi hadn’t talked to E. Gadd very long, but the old man learned enough to conclude that his Toad Assistants would be needed. Two are currently walking the perimeter of the sizeable home with a dark light and ectoplasm radar. After what appeared to be a Snifit Vitiate blasted through one of the walls and disappeared into the night, E. Gadd thought it wise to set up a patrol around the property. If the dark entity returned, or another tried to escape, there wasn’t much any of them could do about it, but at least now they wouldn’t be caught by surprise (though nothing could have prepared them for when a shrieking Duplighost with an axe in its back barreled out the front door and ran into the woods).

Two more assistants stand at the professor’s right, each shouldering a myriad of cleaning supplies. They very nearly left when they saw the damage to the outer wall, but the professor assuaged them with a promise to call in more help after Luigi finishes clearing out the house. Another Toad is currently on the phone with the owners of the property—who just so happened to be the parents of the remaining trapped youth. E. Gadd’s hearing isn’t the best these days, but even he can pick up the frantic voices on the other end of the line. Impressive, given that the Toad doesn’t have them on speaker phone.

E. Gadd silently thanks Luigi for banning him from interacting with mortal clients (even if he still disagrees with the plumber’s claim that he has “poor people skills”).

The professor looks over at his final Toad assistant. They are dealing with the slightly less enviable position of handling mortal clients in-person. Shortly after E. Gadd had arrived with his assistants, the one currently on the phone had taken it upon themself to notify the parents of the terrified youths (much to their horror). All but the missing Doogan’s parents have since arrived, and by the looks on some of the teenagers’ faces, they'd almost rather be dealing with angry ghosts (E. Gadd can’t blame them).

Presently, the parents are taking turns comforting/scolding their children and grilling the ever-patient Toad left to their mercy. The adults had at one point attempted to rope E. Gadd into the interrogation, but after the man strategically launched into a jargon-filled lecture about the paranormal, they quickly backed off. Despite what Luigi seems to think, E. Gadd can tell when no one wants to hear an old man ramble thank you very much.

A sharp beeping tone startles E. Gadd from his musings. He scrambles to retrieve the device making the sound, his pulse skyrocketing upon recognizing the alert—Luigi’s signal was back in range! E. Gadd quickly taps the notification on the screen of the glossy black pad. A radar fills the screen, and towards the top, a green dot representing the tracker on Luigi’s phone (it’s not creepy, it’s security!) appears. E. Gadd grins. Whatever spectral magic tomfoolery had blocked the signal has finally lifted. The lad had done it!

“Professor?” One of the Toads calls, “What is it? Have you heard from Luigi?”

Without looking up, E. Gadd lifts a finger in a silent gesture to wait. He can feel dozens of eyes on him as he brings up the video calling app and attempts to contact Luigi. It rings once, twice, three times. Half-way through the fourth, Luigi’s face appears on the screen.

“Luigi, my boy!” E. Gadd exclaims, “It’s so good to—” He squints, adjusting his glasses as he scrutinizes Luigi’s appearance. The lad looks tired and a little worse for wear. But also, “Why are you all wet?”

“I tripped and fell head-first into a toilet,” he replies dryly, “What do you think?”

E. Gadd frowns at the distant gurgling laughter that undoubtedly belongs to Gooigi. “Don’t you get smart with me, sonny-boy. I was getting wor—” he coughs, “—ready to call your brother in for back-up because you were taking too long.”

Luigi’s brows knit together in confusion. “What do you mean? It’s only been—” he looks up, presumably checking the time on the screen. His eyes widen. “…over three hours?”

“In a house this size, it should have only taken half that time,” the professor huffs. “Either these were some really tough ghosts, or I need to whip you back into shape!”

Luigi grimaces, avoiding eye contact. “Things got… a little complicated. It’s a long story.”

E. Gadd grumbles at the vague explanation. He’ll get the details later, for sure, but for now, the professor accepts the dismissal. “Hm. Well, I suppose all that matters is that you got the job done.” He leans in marginally. “…you did take care of all of the ghosts, right?”

Luigi closes his eyes, looking almost serene. “This house,” he whispers in a nasally voice, “is clean.”

Stars above, the lad is in worse shape than E. Gadd thought. “And the young feller? Are they alright?”

“After some therapy, maybe. But yeah, Dane’s still in one piece.” Luigi turns the camera so it is facing the kid in question. Like Luigi, they are also a little worse for wear, but at the very least they don’t look like they just crawled out of a dunk tank.

Dane stares back at the professor with wide eyes. “Whoa…” He looks up from the display, presumably at Luigi. “Is that the stationary wizard you mentioned earlier?”

E. Gadd squawks indignantly. More gurgling laughter bubbles through the speaker, overlapped with a weary sigh.

The video suddenly jolts, and now Gooigi is taking up the frame. “I’m okay, too,” he chirps, “Thanks for asking.” A chipper bark from the off-screen Polterpup seems to mirror the sentiment (how barking can sound sarcastic, E. Gadd can’t say).

“I was making my way down the list!” E. Gadd splutters. “Besides, I knew you’d be fine. Luigi’s the danger-prone one between the two of you.”

“Remind me not to use you as a reference if I make a career change,” Luigi grumbles.

“I make no promises. Now, you four get your keesters out here post-haste! There’s a lawn full of worrywarts waiting for you.”

The camera turns back to Luigi. He seems surprised. “You’re still on-site?”

“You betcha! I thought it would be a good opportunity to test the Virtual Boo’s successor—the Scree-U!”

One of the Toads on his right does a spit-take. They are drinking a blue liquid that looks suspiciously like the chemical used to clean windows. “The what?”

“Professor,” Luigi groans, “We can’t use that name. I told you this multiple times.”

“And I still don’t understand why not.”

“Because it sounds too much like…” Luigi gesticulates vaguely. “You know.”

“No. I don’t.”

Luigi sighs. “It’s not marketable. Just trust me on this.”

“You said the same thing about the last name I suggested,” E. Gadd huffs, “The Wii-Boo.”

“Huh, that one sounds okay,” the spit-taking Toad muses. “What’s wrong with Wii-Boo?”

E. Gadd waves a hand toward his assistant, giving Luigi a pointed look. The Doogan gasps from off-screen.

“Oh…” The teen says quietly. He sounds like he’s trying not to laugh. “I get it.”

Luigi gives the professor a pointed look of his own. E. Gadd scoffs. 5

“Listen,” Luigi says, “We can workshop names later. In the meantime, professor, why don’t you look up?”

E. Gadd frowns. “Look up what?”

Luigi rolls his eyes. The camera flips, and suddenly E. Gadd is no longer seeing his young protégé, but himself, looking down at the Scree-U. The professor snaps his head up with a start. Luigi, Gooigi, Pepper, and Dane are all standing on the front porch. Luigi puts his phone away and offers E. Gadd a little wave.

“Hey, professor.”

The remaining occupants on the lawn take notice of the new arrivals. With varying cheers and exclamations, the group of teenagers rush to greet their freshly rescued friend. Dane hops off the porch to meet them. The parents follow at a more subdued pace, watching in weary relief as their children pull the Doogan into a crushing embrace. Luigi and his partners quietly skirt around the group, not wanting to interrupt the little reunion. E. Gadd fumbles to put away the Scree-U and jogs over to meet them halfway.

“Glad you could finally join us,” E. Gadd says, huffing slightly from the brief exertion. “Though you could have warned this old man that you were leaving the house.”

Luigi quirks a brow. “Could you not tell from the background in the video that we were moving?”

The professor crosses his arms, looking unimpressed. “You mean like how you were able to tell that I was outside on someone’s lawn and not in my lab?”

“…he’s got you there,” Gooigi signs.

“That I do. And you, Luigi,” E. Gadd says, waggling a finger in the plumber’s face, “got a lot of explaining to do! Just what happened in there, hm?”

Luigi’s shoulders droop with a sigh. “Professor, I’m soaking wet, I smell like burnt calamari dipped in chlorine, and I’m tired. Can the debrief wait until after I’ve showered and gotten some sleep?”

E. Gadd frowns. He doesn’t like the idea of putting things off—recounting is best done when things are still fresh, after all—but the lad does look (and smell) rather awful. Perhaps he can give Luigi a break, just this once.

“…fine,” he acquiesces, “But you’re leaving the Poltergust with me, and I want you over at my lab first thing when you wake up, understood?”

“Yeah, no problem,” Luigi says, already shrugging off the Poltergust. He sets it on the grass by the professor and pauses a moment, as if deliberating, and then holds out an old spell book (presumably the one that started this mess). “Can I leave this with you as well? It’s only temporary; I’ll take it to Merlon after our meet-up at your lab.”

“Hm… I don’t see why not.” E. Gadd accepts the book with a light shrug. He could always scan the pages into The Witch’s database in the meantime. With his free hand, he shoos Luigi away. “Now go on home and get yourself cleaned up. I’ll wrap things up here.”

Luigi hesitates. He looks to Gooigi—a silent conversation seeming to pass between them (E. Gadd was always equal parts fascinated and annoyed when the duo communicated that way).

“I’ll tell him my side of the story up through the Clubba fight,” Gooigi signs to his partner, “You can take care of the rest.”

Luigi offers the ectomorph an appreciative nod before bidding him and the professor both goodbye. Pepper trots dutifully after the lad. Luigi pauses by their mortal clients to wish them well, and is quickly swarmed by the grateful youths, much to E. Gadd’s amusement.

The professor sets the spell book down by the Poltergust and claps his hands to get the Toads’ attention. “Alright, quit yer gawping! The house is clear and we’ve got work to do. Damage assessment and clean-up teams, hop to it!”

A scramble of squeaky shoes meets the professor’s ears as his assistants rush past him. When the last spotted head disappears through the front door, E. Gadd turns and strolls to the mailbox at the property’s edge. He stops next to it and claps sharply once more. “Construction team!”

Half a dozen spirits wearing yellow hardhats suddenly appear on the visible spectrum. The closest one to the professor—a Goob with oversized headgear—waves an arm wildly in the air like a student trying to get their teacher’s attention. “Present!” they yell loudly.

E. Gadd hooks a thumb over his shoulder. “I need a few of you to help the Toads with clean-up. The rest of you are on stand-by for repairs.”

The Goob offers him a mock salute. “You got it, boss!” They turn and wave to the rest of their team. A Hammer, a Boo, and another Goob split from the group and make their way to the house.

E. Gadd watches the trio as they give the large gathering of mortals a wide berth (rather considerate of them, given what the children have been through). The Boo suddenly slows, and turns toward the crowd, a befuddled look on their face. E. Gadd follows their gaze; they’re looking at Luigi. The man is talking to some of the parents, but E. Gadd (and the Boo, for that matter) are too far away to hear the conversation. Luigi makes a slow, deliberate gesture, and then with a flick of his wrist, a business card appears in his hand. With another flick, the singular card turns into several splayed out in a fan. Luigi’s audience ‘Ooo’ and clap lightly in amusement.

E. Gadd looks back to the Boo. They are squinting at Luigi, like he’s a puzzle they can’t quite work out. Yes, E. Gadd finds his protégé’s affinity for card tricks vexing at times (and it’s why he’s vowed never to play cards with the man), but he doesn’t see what the hubbub is about. Why would sleight of hand catch a Boo’s attention? Boos can literally turn things invisible—much more impressive, in the professor’s opinion. After a moment, the Boo bobs in their equivalent of a shrug—seemingly drawing the same conclusion—and follows their companions into the house.

Hmm… odd, but Boos are odd entities, so it checks out. There’s nothing to worry about.

Nothing at all.

______________________________

It’s nearly sunrise by the time Luigi flops into bed. He had merely sighed, resigned, when he noticed the blue greys of the lightening sky as he went to draw his bedroom curtains closed. It isn’t the first time Luigi went to sleep at dawn, and it certainly won’t be the last.

A freshly bathed Pepper (much to the pup’s chagrin) is curled up at the foot of the bed, content, just as they had been mere hours ago. Luigi—also freshly bathed—is back in his spot. If not for the bone-deep exhaustion and scattering of fresh bruises, he could be convinced that he’d been home all night; that nothing had happened.

That nothing had changed. 6

Luigi frowns marginally. He eases himself up and holds out a hand, palm-up. He calls upon his Thunderhand technique and it responds in kind. Tiny arcs of electricity dance between his fingers with a blue-white glow. He snuffs it out with a clench of his fist.

Luigi glances around the room, as if checking for a potential audience. No one else is here—he knows this—but after tonight, he’s feeling unusually on-edge. All the shadows feel a little bit darker, the walls, a little closer.

He takes a deep breath and returns his gaze to his hand. He unclenches it and stares at his palm, brow furrowing as he tries to recall how he accessed that… other power. It hadn’t been a conscious action. It had felt… different—strange. Not completely unnatural, but not second nature, either; not like the Thunderhand.

Luigi thinks about the three instances when the phlox-hued energy sprung forth. All Luigi remembers is the fear, no, the anger that he had felt when he first used it. The second time might have been in response to an adrenaline spike as he pulled away from the revenants. The third time, he had been desperate. His options for neutralizing the ghost had been so severely limited, that he had fully intended to utilize the Thunderhand, even at his own risk. That was when the strange energy made itself known—like it was… for lack of a better word, volunteering.

Luigi continues to study his hand as he replays those moments once more. Not so much as a spark appears in his palm. Whatever this energy is, it doesn’t seem to be very forthcoming outside instances of stress. Perhaps emotions play a part as well? The thought is troublesome. Luigi isn’t an expert in the arcane, but he has learned enough to know that fueling one’s magic with emotions is ill-advised. Negative emotions, in particular, can lead to corruption.

A quiet boof pulls Luigi from his thoughts. He looks up to find Pepper watching him, their tail wagging with slow uncertainty. Luigi offers the spectral canine what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, Pepper,” he says. “I just got a lot on my mind, is all.”

The Polterpup being one of them, but considering other events, the enigma that is Pepper is quite a bit further down on the list of concerns.

Pepper stares back at Luigi, almost appraisingly. Their gently wagging tail suddenly picks up speed as they turn their focus to something over the plumber’s shoulder. Luigi’s heartrate skyrockets, and he only just keeps from whirling around in panic. He follows Pepper’s gaze at a perfectly reasonable level of urgency. The object of Pepper’s attention happens to be Luigi’s nightstand—specifically, one of the drawers.

Luigi rolls his eyes good naturedly. “Oh, alright. I suppose I did imply I’d give you one when we got back…”

Luigi leans over and pulls out a drawer. He reaches inside and feigns to dig through its contents, as if struggling to find what he is looking for. The bed is practically shaking with Pepper’s joyous anticipation. With an exaggerated cry of triumph, Luigi draws back with his prize: a large femur (one that didn’t once belong to a sapient being). He offers it to the Polterpup.

“Here you go, buddy,” he says, “You’ve more than earned it.”

Pepper whole-heartedly agrees. With a happy bark, they snatch up the bone and drag it back to their corner of the bed. Luigi fondly shakes his head as the spectral canine begins to gnaw on their treat with vigor.

Luigi turns back to the nightstand and pushes the drawer closed. As he pulls back, his eyes land on the book he had been reading a handful of hours ago. It rests innocently on the nightstand right where he had left it. He distantly notes the bookmark poking out from its pages. The page marker advertises that Luigi isn’t even a third of the way through the modest novel—he started reading it weeks ago. His painfully slow progress would typically annoy him (though it has long since become his new norm), but after tonight, Luigi finds himself oddly uncaring. He silently reaches over the neglected novel and turns off the lamp, bathing the room in darkness.

Curling up with a good book was the furthest thing from his mind.

______________________________

And it's over! After five long years, we finally get closure. Thank you to everyone who's stuck around to see this to the end. Whether you've been here from the start or just arrived, you're all awesome! This is the first long-fic I've ever completed and it's a great feeling (even if it was never meant to be this lengthy lmao) .

...but this is only the beginning. Four years ago (I still can't believe it's been that long), I got an ask that inadvertently predicted a sub-plot to this series before I had even established the groundwork. This story is the very groundwork I alluded to. Our boy Luigi has got a strange new power and needs to get a handle on it. What shenanigans is he bound for? Only time will tell~

Next week I will post story extras in a separate entry, so keep a look out! After that, I'll be working on the next installment. If all goes accordingly, we'll get to see how Luigi and King Boo first established this strange little truce of theirs.

Until then!

__

1. So much for the vengeful, undead army. Looks like Merlich had been bluffing after all (but is it really that big of a shocker that he is a lying liar who lies?). In an earlier version of this chapter's outline, I was going to keep the Dry Horde kicking, only they wouldn't have been hostile towards Luigi and company now that Merbitch wasn't around to control them. I eventually came to the conclusion that letting the Horde "die" and move on would be a kinder fate.

-

2. This well-meaning gesture may end up causing Luigi as much trouble as it saves him. King Boo certainly won't be happy to find this magic equivalent of a "Do Not Touch" sign on his arch-nemesis lol 

-

3. This scene was also in the earlier draft where the horde "lives", but instead of just a femur, Pepper is dragging along a very distressed Dry Bones. It made for a funnier image and is something I lament losing in the final work.

-

4. In the original draft, Luigi lets Dane perform the spell, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how irresponsible this would be (especially with how much emphasis I've placed on the volatility of teleportation magic). I ended up liking this version a lot more anyway. After all the tip-toeing around the spell book, Luigi is finally able to handle it without being plagued by horrible unease. It's good for our boy to have some positive interactions with magical texts.

-

5. A joke isn't funny if you have to explain it blah blah blah whatever. In case it's not clear, "Scree-U" kinda sounds like "screw you" when said fast enough, and "Wii-Boo" kinda sounds like "weeaboo" (that one's more of a stretch but idc lol). ...oh god I just thought of a Boo character named WeeaBoo HELP 

-

6. Someone once asked me what was Luigi's most impactful job, and while I didn't have a definitive answer, I had replied that this sleepover fiasco was certainly high on the list. Now, all this time later, we finally see why. 

[nancylou444]

//Wait, is there actual proof that mishmash is "filming TW"?// - If you mean actual real proof that would be acknowledged and accepted by most normal and sane people? No. If you mean "proof" like there is "proof" that TW was made by Jensen for MC, or "proof" that the whole TW show is all about dest*el, or "proof" that ep 13 will be "hit you over the head" canon dest*el? Then sure. Goob "confirmed" it all. His receipts? Trust me bro. (and yes, those are all claims goob has been making).

Ah, I see.

Thank you, my darling. 😁

[serenity-black]

I LITERALLY CANT XD

He went for the THROAT lol

have some mercy my dude

[goobhater420]

fuck any and all goobs look at this #fat #idiot

[laf-outloud]

Secret documents, huh? So secret that only you and a very select group of people (i.e., Goob's server) know about them, right?

[bonnyhoddie]

Rodger and Glisten

I’ve been playing Rodger recently to get Main research but I prefer Glisten a lot more, and I find his extraction dialogue a lil amusing considering Glisten’s better at extracting than him. Also I feel like they’re both just as competitive as each other, but Glisten just shows it more.

Would higher extraction speed mean Glisten is smarter or stronger than Rodger? He’s not the best at skill checks and I’d never use the magnifying glass and award combo for him but he can turn the wheel on the machine better than everyone else except Vee.

Also omg if anyone with good luck wants to do a main hunt lemme know, I haven’t found a main at all in 2 days, and I have 43% Shelly research I really want herrr

Any of the mains really but Shelly’s cute and I think she’s super useful with her abilities, skill check stat and trinket. Then I want Sprout and Pebble after.

Also, rant time despite not actually being mad or annoyed or anything, actually it’s kinda funny:

Why does everyone just drop like flies on the first floor. Like, god damn, a full lobby of 8 people and it drops to 2 or 3. It won’t even be filled with noobs either, like, they’d all have toons that require them have experience at the game, like Gigi, Teagan and Goob, but chaos ensues. Like, all of a sudden, nobody can hide, everyone’s being chased and I’m just there watching and hearing everyone die and just like that, either I’m completely on my own or with 2-3 other people. Having only 1 or 2 people die on the first floor is so rare for me for no reason.

I also had another Rodger call us all stupid idiots for ‘not planning a run better’ because the distractor died floor 2 and they died at the very start of floor 3 and had 1 heart.

Which, first of all, we can’t plan a run with a) not knowing people’s specific skills since they’re all strangers, just their toons, and b) everyone fighting to get to an elevator, meaning the toons we like might not even get in because a noob or a toon we just like less gets in.

And, second of all, if you NEED a distractor to survive floor 3, play some solo games or a normal run, not one that is meant to be long, cause clearly you need to work on some things. If it were just mistakes or bad luck (which happen a lot to me) that’d be perfectly fine, but not relying on a distractor to exist just to survive and completely dropping your guard just because there’s a distractor. Get some skills at that rate.

Also, distractors, I love you so so so much and appreciate all you do, but please sprint a lil sometimes, every time I see the twisteds running so close to the distractor I get scared of them turning at some points, accidentally running into something or someone, or Panic Mode happening, because those catch a lot of people out, including me when I’ve played distractor Tisha and Razzle (yes, with both the plush and shoes, you’d never catch me playing distractor without both of those), and every time, I see those same distractors that don’t run every now and then for a lil more distance get hit.

[nicecupofangst]

@batfambrainrotbeloved this came to me after seeing one of your more recent asks and before I could stop myself, I had already finished this monstrosity.

Anyhoo, this is Trash Tim from The Drakes Spoiled Brat. (im sorry dad) on ao3 and I absolutely adore this idiot little goob </3

[hatefulshrimp]

what the fuck is goob doing help me

"YOU COULD FALL YOU IDIOT!!!!"

[flutter-the-lowly-distractor]

oh, Flutter, you poor thing…

you still think you can get out of there, don’t you…

but what if…what it there is no exit? no escape from the perpetual cycle of torment?

but you know that, don’t you. you know better than anyone that this suffering you’ve been thrust into won’t be ending any time soon.

you know you can’t do this forever.

you will struggle in vain until you are too weak to even utter a word.

you will suffer a fate worse than death.

do your companions know as well? how long have you kept this false hope alive for the more naive members of your party?

you know you can’t keep this up forever.

even if you don’t want to admit it, you care for your little ragtag group. you are one of the sole people keeping them alive, and when you inevitably fail…

their deaths will be on YOUR hands.

-red text anon

”… (…)”

”… (I-I… I know that, as much as I hate thinking about it.)

“…! (Goob, brightney and boxten would’ve still been here if I was just… just…)

“….(…Tried hard enough.)”

“… (I know it will be my fault if they died. Vee always repeats that to me.)”

“… (you know? I wish that I got caught by that dog instead of goob, atleast I won’t be such a burden to everyone and maybe the others would’ve live much longer.)”

“!?!? (IT’S ALWAYS ME WHO’S THE WRONG ONE. NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED THEY GET HURT. IF ONLY I WAS FAS- NO-GOOD ENOUGH TO EVEN SAVE THEM. I’M SUCH AN IDIOT.)”

“!!! (I COULD’VE SAVED THEM. ALL OF THEM. BUT IT WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH. IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH.)”

“…. (…..I shouldn’t react that way. I need to focus. I won’t let my emotions take over me. Not again. Never again.)”

“…… (Goob… brightney…. Boxten. I’m sorry, I wish I could’ve done more than just watch all of you die. I wish I didn’t froze in fear like a coward when you needed my help.)”

[nerdypixel]

I am crying, because I'm laughing so hard. This. Is. Brilliant!

POV you work or live on whickber street, soho london

the A.Z. Fell & Co bookshop is a money laundering scheme (it is never open and nothing is for sale) and a front for the mob (the main visitor is a guy who wears sunglasses at night and drives a million £ car) and Mr. Fell is a sugar daddy (the sunglasses guy has no job but can afford his lux lifestyle plus he just has that vibe) with ties to the criminal underworld (how do they pay rent without ever selling anything and sometimes people in bespoke white suits come by). there was a violent gang war (a scary horde calling themselves 'the demons' attacked the shop) and Mr. Fell killed all of them (there was screaming and booms) and now the shop is a crime scene (there is a cop inside all the time now) and Mr. Fell is either on the run from the law (he has disappeared) or in prison (sunglasses sugar baby is crying)

[xelquio]

Wild life episode 2 spoilers

Guys, this is what Mumbo, Grian and Skizz are calling themselves

I'm giggling so much while watching these idiots (affectionate, i love these goobs)

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THOUGH, LIKE WHAT ARE THEY DOING, The bridges actually look fun, Skizz died 3 times and Mumbo died 2 times, giggling.

I'm watching Wild Life all day, I'm working my way through everyone's videos i love them all ❤💛💚

[laf-outloud]

Wait, wait, do goob and their idiots actually think a blacklist is a literal list that someone keeps and just adds names and puts it back in a lock box and its kept at some super secret location??? Like are they claiming this "secret document" is an ACTUAL LIST that someone added Jared's name to?? Omg I can't even handle how insanely stupid all of these people are. And they go around bragging about how dumb they are to other people!

It certainly gave me a laugh! But also made me fear for the future if people like this ever get into politics.

Oh, wait...

[smittyw]

i wanted to make some dinky elevator pitch introductions for my fav ocs because.. i dont talk about them very coherently it seems. or at all! what!!

to finally make up for that i'll put my extended edition under the cut below. love peace taco grease and stay frosty forever

so from what i gather in my notes, razz is the only recognizable one around here who got their lore blasted from a megaphone the second i came up with it. after that i got shy.. i was too busy having thoughts to ever explain who molly and Q were or where they came from. and its been like 2 years. well!

nat and molly are formerly codependent childhood friends and funhouse mirror versions of each other who split paths after high school. theyre like if two besties fated to be a detective duo spat on fate's shoes and ran off in different directions to do the same thing but badly & alone.. molly actually hit the books to become a private investigator, champion of truth and justice, while nat hit the pavement to become a paparazzo, champion of clickbait. they hate each other a lot but given the slightest chance they will attach at the hip again and drain the life from each other.

Q is later to the party, a terminally exhausted college dropout and shut-in with a notable (anonymous) presence in the online music scene. every slight inconvenience in his life is a straw and when the last one hits boy is he ready to just drive into the sunset or maybe the ocean or maybe just live in his car and stop talking to people forever. if the band they joined out of peer pressure makes it big or they get found out for their alter ego its so over..but luckily they started dating the most nosy and paranoid idiot alive & inadvertently pissed off the second most nosy and paranoid idiot alive in the process, so surely nothing like that could ever happen

these goobs run in slightly different circles that overlap juuust enough to be a problem, and its hard not to run into the most annoying eccentrics in their unserious version of LA slightly stuck out of time. if i were reintroducing lore important characters itd include plenty more than just them (eg freddy mysteriously missing from this description of events as if he isnt also there) but imho i have no obligation to pay attention to anything outside the range of my hyperfixation blast. the important thing to me rn is just to let yall know what the hell im talking about when i make stupid jokes everyday about girlies who dont exist <3