#idiot goob

[laf-outloud]

https://incarnateirony.tumblr.com/post/739967001000378368/

This is how stupid goob is, and how dumb his followers are to believe him:

Anonymous asked: You say Jared is “blacklisted” but he’s literally being promoted by multiple media sites for his appearance at The Statesman in ATX…..Jared’s just out there living his best life, aren’t the lies and weird need to tear down him getting old by now? Goob: Hey look, idiots that don’t understand things like complete sentences, qualifying adjectives, subject specifics and industry operations! Why, yes. studios can in fact pay this company to make them market, plug, or reference people, even if they don’t like them. That’s literally how it fucking works. It’s not complicated Karen. That doesn’t stop them from blacklisting him from their events, which I clarified very specifically.

Goob is now claiming that Jared is both blacklisted AND studios and companies are also paying to promote him even though they hate him! The power. To be sooo important that people will pay to promote him even though that is going against his totally "real" blacklisting!

Just say you do not know what blacklisting and leave it at that, because goob is just proving that to be true everytime they make a new post.

I knew, as soon as we hit this period where Jensen's out of a job and Jared's actively working that the haters would redouble their efforts to try and discredit Jared. But, it never works because one, they're so incredibly terrible at it, and two, none of it's actually true.

But, I do pay attention to Goob in one regard. I always know that whatever he claims, the opposite will happen. So, based on previous experience, I can predict that multiple media organizations will continue to promote Jared (of their own free will), and instead of being blacklisted, Jared's on the waitlist for studios/productions to snatch him up as soon as he's available.

[chocobje]

Yay gameshow

[lyzergide]

who up dandying their world or wahtever

[shmekk]

somebody sedate me

[looey-balloony3000autism]

I played VR today, and I almost threw up, but at least I was preppy~♡♡♡🥰

Also I was Dog from cat dog but yeah.

[snazzy-suit]

Luigi: Liaison of Ghosts Chapter 5.10 - Hey! Creatures! Leave Them Kids Alone!

MP - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5.1 -5.2 - 5.3 - 5.4 - 5.5 - 5.6 - 5.7 - 5.8 - 5.9 - (5.10) - 6 - 7.1 - 7.2 - 7.3 - 7.4 - 7.5 - 8

Part 10 of 10

[Prefer to read on ao3? Click here]

In which Luigi leads, E. Gadd does machines, Gooigi is cool but rude, and Pepper is a party dude.

______________________________

The icy blue flames illuminating the room flutter aimlessly in their sconces. They flicker once, twice, and as one, they extinguish. If not for the glow of the magic circle and the ghost hunting duo’s flashlights, all would have been plunged into darkness. A cacophony of collapsing bodies resonates through the darkened expanse. The eerie screeching and hissing of the undead are replaced by the clatter of hollow bone and crumbling rot, followed swiftly by deafening silence. It is still—quiet, but for the distant drip of moisture and heaving breaths of the two sole mortal occupants.

Then, almost as quickly as they went out, the sconces re-ignite, but in the comforting warm hues of a natural flame. The freezing, paranormal chill blanketing the dungeon recedes. Warmth is not left in its wake, merely the cool dampness typical of a subterranean world. The crushing presence of a dark entity’s miasma dissipates like fog in the morning sun. It is lighter, this new atmosphere, but it is not clean.

Dane sinks to his knees, staring wide-eyed at the magic circle and its contents as the glow begins to fade. The Doogan giggles, a touch hysterical. “Stars above… that actually worked.”

Luigi and Gooigi share a look before dashing over to the kid. Dane waves languidly at them with a tired smile. “Ha-ha, wow. Merlich? More like Merloser, am I right fellas?” His arm flops to his side, the motion abrupt yet boneless. “…Good Grambi that was awful. I am so sorry.”

Luigi doesn’t refute this. He takes a knee by the kid, carefully avoiding the magic circle. “Dane, how are you feeling?”

The kid’s brows knit together in consideration. “Everything tastes purple for some reason and I’m kinda tired. Why?”

“Uh…” Gooigi warbles. “Maybe because you just performed sealing magic? On a very powerful ghost?”

“…is that a big deal or…?”

Luigi’s forehead meets his palm. “It’s highly advanced magic—one that normally requires a lot of discipline to execute without consequence—and yet you pulled it off with a hastily drawn magic circle and…” Luigi pauses, turning to look at the small object inside the circle. “Wait, what did you use as the vessel?”

Dane reaches forward and gingerly takes the small object from the magic circle. He holds it up proudly for the plumber to examine. Luigi is dismayed by what he sees.

It’s the kid’s pepper shaker.

“See, Luigi?” Dane says, “I told you pepper protects you from demons.”

Luigi can’t muster up the energy to correct the boy. Instead, he carefully accepts the pepper shaker, noting that the container appears to be made up of thick plastic. He takes some comfort in knowing that a careless fumble wouldn’t spell disaster, not like if the vessel had been glass or ceramic. Would opening the lid free the ghost, though? Stars, he hopes not.

“This… shouldn’t have worked,” Luigi mutters.

“If anyone else had made the attempt, it likely wouldn’t have.”

The group turns as one to the intruding party. The Koopa Vitiate is hovering a short distance away. Behind them lie piles upon piles of bones. Many of the skeletons are positioned as if they had collapsed mid-step. Not a spark of light shows in any of their darkened eye sockets. 1

Dane ducks behind Luigi with a startled yelp. Luigi slowly gets to his feet, eyeing the Dry Horde’s remains warily before looking back at the Vitiate. “What do you mean?” he asks.

“The child was the one to summon my former master. As such, they held power over him.”

Luigi inhales sharply. “The contract…”

Dane dares to peek out from his hiding spot. “Contract?”

“When you summon a spectral entity, they become bound to you by magic—a contract of sorts. You have power over them, meaning your will supersedes their own.”

The Doogan pointedly looks around the dreary dungeon. “Well, that creep clearly found a loophole, because I can promise you, I didn’t want any of this.”

“Powerful entities can resist the contract’s magic, to a point,” the knight supplies. “But if they are weakened enough…”

“Oh.” Dane frowns. “Is that why he wanted to kill me so badly?”

“No. You were never seen as a threat; just another energy source to drain—” the ghost sweeps a hand behind them, “—and another body to add to his collection.”

Dane stares at the mass of collapsed bones in horror. “Wait. Are you saying they’re—?”

“Over a millenia's worth of Merlich’s victims.”

The kid shakily runs a hand along his head, knocking his cap askew. “Good Grambi. I was almost one of them.”

“You would have been,” the ghost states bluntly, “if not for that wretch’s interest in the human.”

Luigi tenses as all eyes turn to him.

“Why do you always seem to attract the megalomaniacs?”

Luigi sighs heavily. “Must be my charming personality,” he grumbles. He looks at the Dark Koopa. “Thank you, for all your help. I hate to think how things would have turned out if you had not intervened.”

The Vitiate shakes their head. “Your gratitude is unnecessary. My motivations were not altruistic.” They gesture to Dane. “My contract to the boy superseded the one I had with my former master, allowing me to defy him for the first time in decades. The presence of you and your partner only complicated matters, even if it did eventually turn the tide in my favor.”

“Ouch. My ego.”

“If anyone is deserving of your gratitude,” the ghost continues, “it’s the chaos spirit. I wouldn’t have been able to return to the wizard’s domain without them.”

Dane stares at the ghost uncomprehendingly, but Luigi and Gooigi are already turning their focus to the Polterpup. Pepper is chewing on his hind leg, seemingly oblivious to the conversation.

“Okay,” Luigi sighs, “that’s the… I don’t know, fourth or fifth time I’ve heard someone call him that.” He looks back at the knight. “What in Stars’ name is a ‘chaos spirit’?”

“A spirit with chaotic traits.”

Luigi waits for them to elaborate. When they don’t, he narrows his eyes, annoyed. Was the ghost intentionally being obtuse? “Yeah, I think I could glean that from the name. Could you expound on that?”

The knight glances at the spirit in question. “I am not educated in that subject matter.”

Luigi frowns. He has a feeling the knight isn’t being entirely honest but decides not to press further (he can always ask the professor later if they know anything). The knight’s wording, however, takes him down a different train of thought. Speaking of uneducated…

“Dane… where did you get the idea for using sealing magic, again?”

The Doogan perks up, seemingly unbothered by the non sequitur. “Oh! I got it from Pepper.” He reaches over and pulls the Polterpup into what is likely meant to be a hug but looks more like a headlock. Pepper grunts mildly in displeasure, half-heartedly trying to wiggle free. “Smart, spooky puppy.”

Luigi and his partner exchange a bemused glance. “How, though? Did… did he… tell you or…?”

“Uh… not with words, no.” Dane releases Pepper—the latter chuffing as they give themselves a good shake—and picks up the spell book. “Shortly after you guys ran off to fight the wizard, Pepper came up to me and dropped the book in my lap. It was open to this page.” Dane points to the page in question. “I didn’t really pay it any mind at first, but he kept pawing at the book, and then he stuck his little snoot in my jacket pocket and pulled out the pepper shaker. I thought he was trying to be funny or something.

“That’s when I took a closer look at the pages. I didn’t really understand the writing, but there were some super helpful drawings that helped fill in the blanks.” Dane holds up the book so they can see the illustrations. “I figured you and your dog did stuff like this all the time, so I trusted him and gave it a shot.”

Luigi looks at Pepper. The Polterpup is now gnawing on his front left paw (does he have fleas? Can spirits get fleas??). He looks every bit the cute and clueless canine that Luigi knows and loves, but after tonight, the plumber finds himself questioning everything he knows about his ghostly companion.

‘I told you pepper protects you from demons.’

And as Luigi regards the Polterpup, he finds that there is more truth to that statement than any of them realize. Luigi leans down, and with the tiniest hint of hesitation, reaches out with his free hand to scritch behind what approximates the canine’s ears. “Thank you, Pepper,” he says softly.

Pepper leans into Luigi’s hand with a happy whine.

“Um…” Gooigi warbles, garnering his partner’s attention. “Not to cut this sweet moment short, but can we leave now? I kinda hate it here.”

Dane snorts in agreement as Luigi straightens with a sigh. There’s still a lot he doesn’t understand, but he’s starting to accept he won’t be finding the answers tonight. It’s time they left this dreary dungeon behind. “Sure, let’s go home.” He looks at the spell book, brows furrowing. “Though I don’t know where to begin looking for the right spell to take us there.”

“Does it have an index?”

“You needn’t waste time searching,” the knight interjects, “I know of the magic you seek and where it resides in the book…”

Luigi eyes the ghost warily. “…I’m sensing a ‘but’.”

“Hm. Perhaps you are more perceptive than I give you credit for.” The Dark Koopa raises a hand when Luigi’s eyes narrow marginally. “Be at ease. I will help you return to your dwelling. All I ask is that you sever my contract with the child first.”

Gooigi shrugs. “That seems fair.”

“And,” the ghost continues, pointing to the pepper shaker in Luigi’s hand, “you leave that with me.”

“…come again?”

“That wretch has been the bane of my existence for the past six centuries,” the Vitiate growls. “I will not risk them breaking free because of the carelessness of a nescient mortal. My strength is not in the arcane arts, but I know enough to keep them contained and hidden away.”

Luigi’s eyes trail down to the unconventional vessel. He had considered handing it over to Merlon to safeguard. The wizard was powerful and trustworthy, but he also lived in a highly populated area. If Merlich somehow breaches containment, it will not end well.

“Okay,” Luigi says at last, “it’s a deal.”

Gooigi double takes. “Are you sure that’s wise? Shouldn’t we give the vessel to the professor?”

Luigi stares at his partner blankly.

“…Stars above, you’re right; that’s a terrible idea.” He waves Luigi on. “Forget I said anything.”

Without another word, Luigi walks over to the Dark Koopa and carefully hands them the vessel. The ghost accepts it with equal care.

The ghost nods imperceptibly. “Very good,” They hold out their free hand toward Dane. “Now, let us sever the contract.”

Dane nervously hugs the spell book to his chest. “Um… that isn’t literal, is it? You don’t need to sever, like, an arm from my body or something, right?”

Luigi and the Vitiate give Dane a strange look. “Good Grambi, kid,” Luigi says, “Why would I agree to something that would hurt you?”

“I didn’t think you’d do it on purpose! Maybe you didn’t know that’s what it means to sever a contract!”

“I’ve witnessed plenty of contract terminations. I know what they entail.”

“Okay, well, what if they attack me afterwards?”

“I find you moderately irritating, child,” the dark entity rasps, “but I have no desire to harm you.”

“You threw an axe at my head!”

“I also buried one in your shoulder, and yet, you haven’t a scratch to show for it.”

“I—!” The Doogan blinks. “Don’t remember that.”

Luigi winces at the memory. “You were being possessed at the time,” he supplies.

The Vitiate nods. “You were never my target, child. I was after the vile creature pulling at your strings from within. My weapons operate on intent—they only harm what I want them to.”

“…Oh.” Dane looks down at the book and back to the ghost. “That’s cool. And convenient!”

“It sure is,” Gooigi says, patting the teen’s shoulder. He moves to join Luigi, turning to the kid and walking backward as he goes. “Now, let’s give the nice ghost a magic pink slip so we can leave.”

Dane hesitantly follows, moving so they are standing in front of the Vitiate. The ghost wordlessly holds out their free hand. Dane looks from the hand to Luigi, questioningly.

“Take their hand,” Luigi tells him, “and hold it firmly.”

Dane does as instructed. He shivers at the dark entity’s cold grip. “N-now what?”

“Slowly pull back until their hand slips from yours. Keep your arm extended.”

The Doogan and the ghost mirror the action. The moment their hands separate, a thin, glowing thread appears in their respective grip, held taut between them. Dane looks at the paranormal tether with wide eyes.

“Now,” Luigi continues, “let the thread go slack for a moment, and then quickly pull back as hard as you can until it breaks.”

Dane and the Dark Koopa once again mirror Luigi’s instructions. The glowing thread snaps cleanly between them. The teenager watches in awe as the thread fades from the visible spectrum.

“All done,” Gooigi says cheerfully.

Dane looks at the ectomorph in surprise. “Wait, that’s it?”

“Yep.”

The Doogan blinks owlishly. “Oh. I thought I’d have to recite an incantation.” He frowns. “Maybe perform some kind of complex ritual.”

Luigi shrugs. “Those are some ways to do it, but mutually severing a contract is much easier.”

“Huh. Neat.” Dane turns back to the ghost, looking somewhat sheepish. “Hey, uh, sorry again for all the trouble tonight. We all good?”

“Your heedless summoning inevitably led to my freedom. This more than atones for the tribulations you wrought.”

“…cool?”

The kid stumbles with a yelp as an unseen force pulls the spell book from its tucked position beneath his arm. The old tome comes to a stop in front of the ghost and opens. With a flick of the knight’s wrist, the old pages rapidly turn before settling just as quickly. Another wave of the hand, and the book abruptly turns and is thrust back into Dane’s arms.

“The spell and corresponding magic circle you need to return home is on the left page.” The knight turns and sweeps a hand toward the floor. Some of the debris from their fight with the wizard is swept aside, clearing a section of the floor just large enough to accommodate an appropriately sized magic circle. “Now, depart with haste. I have an army’s worth of remains to lay to rest.”

“Uh… you got any chalk we can use or…?”

“No.”

“Fantastic,” Dane grumbles, already scanning the ground for another makeshift drawing utensil. Gooigi joins the hunt, but just as Luigi offers his assistance, the Vitiate grabs him by the shoulder.

“A word, human?” Dane and Gooigi pause to look at the two curiously. “In private,” the ghost adds.

Luigi nods, warily following the Vitiate out of earshot. “Is there something I can help you with?”

The Vitiate whirls around, silencing Luigi with the intensity of their piercing red gaze. “What are you?” they hiss.

“…a plumber?”

The Dark Koopa lurches toward Luigi with a snarl. Luigi takes a startled step back, but otherwise holds his ground. Clearly, that had been the wrong answer.

“Do not play games with me, ‘human’,” the Dark Koopa growls. “Why do you continue to hide in this mortal form?”

Luigi gapes at the knight, utterly bewildered. “What in Stars’ name are you talking about?”

“Your energy betrays you. It has changed drastically since I last saw you in the child’s domain.” The knight looms closer. “You are no mere mortal.”

“I’m pretty sure I have a few bruised ribs that beg to differ,” Luigi retorts. “Would this have anything to do with me being a Star Child? Your former master seemed really thrilled about it.”

The knight shakes their head. “I’ve met other Star Children in the past, and their energy was not like yours.”

Luigi pinches his brow against an oncoming headache. “And what, pray tell, is my energy like?”

“A spirit.”

Luigi’s heart stutters in his chest. He looks up at the Vitiate, wide-eyed. The dark entity regards him curiously.

“…you truly don’t know, do you?”

“Wha—no!” Luigi sputters. “How would I?!”

The Dark Koopa folds their arms over their chest. “What did Merlich do to you before I arrived?”

“Aside from trying to monologue me to death? Palm-reading.” Luigi lifts the hand in question, casually inspecting it. He frowns. “Then he… forced eye-contact. It was like he was looking through me.”

“The eyes are the window into the soul.”

“So I’ve heard,” Luigi mumbles. “He apparently found something he wanted—some kind of energy—and… tried to take it.” Luigi decides to omit the wizard’s claim that the energy wasn’t even his to begin with.

The Dark Koopa hums thoughtfully. “I see…”

“That makes one of us. Mind sharing with the rest of the class?”

“It’s purely conjecture, but it stands to reason that the energy I’m sensing now and the energy Merlich attempted to siphon from you are one and the same. That wretch’s meddling must have stoked this energy from its dormancy.”

Luigi looks down at his hands, as if expecting to see this unknown energy. He chuckles briefly with a hint of hysteria. “Oh, that’s just wonderful.”

“Hardly,” the Vitiate retorts, unaware or uncaring of his sarcasm, “this kind of power is inevitably going to draw the wrong kind of attention, especially as it grows stronger. If you were truly a spirit, there would be little cause for concern—specters don’t usually attack stronger specters—but because you’re mortal…”

“…I’m seen as an easy target,” Luigi finishes.

“Indeed. Until you can fully utilize this power, you are at great risk.” The knight pauses, looking contemplative. “In the meantime, I leave you with this:”

There is a flash of orange light, and Luigi looks up in time for the entity to strike him in the chest with their armored palm. Luigi stumbles back a couple steps with a yelp. He regains his footing as an unknown rune glows fleetingly before him and winks out of existence. Luigi affixes the dark entity with a glare.

“Good Grambi, what was that for?!”

“Your protection.” The Vitiate replies, unapologetic. “I lack the skillset to help seal your energy, but I can disguise it—create a red herring, if you will.” They point at Luigi. “I have placed a powerful ward on your person. Spectral entities that detect it will arrive at the infinitely more logical conclusion that the ward is the source of the spirit energy, not you.” 2

Luigi blinks. “Oh. That’s… actually really helpful, thank you.”

The Dark Koopa dips their head marginally in acknowledgement. “It is but a temporary solution. The ward should last a few lunar cycles. Ideally, you will have found a way to rein in your energy by then.” The Vitiate looks past him and Luigi follows their gaze. They are looking at Pepper. The Polterpup is watching Dane and Gooigi as the two work to draw the magic circle. “You are fortunate to have that one’s favor. Keep them close; you’ll need their protection now more than ever.”

The cold buzz of energy indicative of a ghost’s presence suddenly vanishes from Luigi’s side. He turns and finds the knight is gone. Luigi frowns. Why do ghosts always insist on being so dramatic?

With a sigh, Luigi walks back to his group. Gooigi stands upon his approach and tosses him the shard of rock they’d been using to help draw the magic circle. Luigi catches it with a slight fumble.

“Where’d the Knight in Rusted Armor go?”

Luigi shrugs tiredly. “I’m not sure. They made a cryptic remark and left when I wasn’t looking.”

“Ah. So, the usual?”

“Yeah, the usual.”

Dane looks up from the spell book. “That’s normal for you guys?”

Luigi nods. “When a ghost makes their exit, it’s either quiet and mysterious, or with an angry howl—usually accompanied by a declaration of vengeance.”

“There’s no in-between. Well, unless they’re willfully crossing over to the other side, but that’s a whole different matter.”

“…huh. Who knew ghosts could be such big—”

“Careful,” Luigi interjects, “just because you can’t see a ghost, doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t around. They could still be observing us.”

Dane winces, casting a wary eye about the eerie room. “Good to know…”

The Doogan returns to replicating the magic circle shown in the spell book. Luigi takes over for Gooigi (drawing isn’t the easiest thing to do when your hands have the consistency of gelatin), and a few short minutes later, the magic circle is complete. Luigi double checks their work, and when he is satisfied that everything matches the drawing in the book, he calls everyone to stand in the circle. He blanches when the Polterpup trots up to him with a yellowed femur in their mouth. At some point, the spirit had wandered off and claimed a treat from the fallen horde. 3

“Pepper, no; put that back,” Luigi says tiredly. “We have bones at home.”

The Polterpup whines but acquiesces. With a huff and a toss of their head, the bone goes soaring back into the sizable pile of skeletal remains. Luigi shakes their head and turns to Dane. He holds out his hand for the spell book.

“I’ll take it from here,” he says.

Dane smiles wearily and passes him the book without protest. “Please do.”

For the first time that night, Luigi holds the old tome with a quiet heart and mind. There is no sense of urgency, no anger, nor dread. He merely regards the magic text with the caution and respect it is due. Luigi takes a composing breath. He thinks of the dusty attic where tonight’s tribulations began, and he begins to read. 4

______________________________

Professor E. Gadd is getting anxious.

Anxious, as in eager anticipation. Not anxious, as in worried, because the professor is not worried. Luigi has faced greater threats in the past—a slumber party crashed by angry ghosts is child’s play. Sure, these were stronger than your average ghosts. Yes, Vitiates are highly malevolent. And, okay, E. Gadd will admit that the children’s accounts were a touch concerning, but it was fine! Kids exaggerate when they’re scared. Luigi had just requested him to bring Gooigi as a precaution. Between the two of them, this hullabaloo will be taken care of in no time.

The professor glances at his watch—it’s a few minutes past the witching hour. What is taking the lad so long?

E. Gadd resists the urge to worriedly impatiently pace the yard. He settles on tapping his foot as a compromise. With a quiet huff, he folds his arms over his chest and casts his gaze over his anxious company. Luigi hadn’t talked to E. Gadd very long, but the old man learned enough to conclude that his Toad Assistants would be needed. Two are currently walking the perimeter of the sizeable home with a dark light and ectoplasm radar. After what appeared to be a Snifit Vitiate blasted through one of the walls and disappeared into the night, E. Gadd thought it wise to set up a patrol around the property. If the dark entity returned, or another tried to escape, there wasn’t much any of them could do about it, but at least now they wouldn’t be caught by surprise (though nothing could have prepared them for when a shrieking Duplighost with an axe in its back barreled out the front door and ran into the woods).

Two more assistants stand at the professor’s right, each shouldering a myriad of cleaning supplies. They very nearly left when they saw the damage to the outer wall, but the professor assuaged them with a promise to call in more help after Luigi finishes clearing out the house. Another Toad is currently on the phone with the owners of the property—who just so happened to be the parents of the remaining trapped youth. E. Gadd’s hearing isn’t the best these days, but even he can pick up the frantic voices on the other end of the line. Impressive, given that the Toad doesn’t have them on speaker phone.

E. Gadd silently thanks Luigi for banning him from interacting with mortal clients (even if he still disagrees with the plumber’s claim that he has “poor people skills”).

The professor looks over at his final Toad assistant. They are dealing with the slightly less enviable position of handling mortal clients in-person. Shortly after E. Gadd had arrived with his assistants, the one currently on the phone had taken it upon themself to notify the parents of the terrified youths (much to their horror). All but the missing Doogan’s parents have since arrived, and by the looks on some of the teenagers’ faces, they'd almost rather be dealing with angry ghosts (E. Gadd can’t blame them).

Presently, the parents are taking turns comforting/scolding their children and grilling the ever-patient Toad left to their mercy. The adults had at one point attempted to rope E. Gadd into the interrogation, but after the man strategically launched into a jargon-filled lecture about the paranormal, they quickly backed off. Despite what Luigi seems to think, E. Gadd can tell when no one wants to hear an old man ramble thank you very much.

A sharp beeping tone startles E. Gadd from his musings. He scrambles to retrieve the device making the sound, his pulse skyrocketing upon recognizing the alert—Luigi’s signal was back in range! E. Gadd quickly taps the notification on the screen of the glossy black pad. A radar fills the screen, and towards the top, a green dot representing the tracker on Luigi’s phone (it’s not creepy, it’s security!) appears. E. Gadd grins. Whatever spectral magic tomfoolery had blocked the signal has finally lifted. The lad had done it!

“Professor?” One of the Toads calls, “What is it? Have you heard from Luigi?”

Without looking up, E. Gadd lifts a finger in a silent gesture to wait. He can feel dozens of eyes on him as he brings up the video calling app and attempts to contact Luigi. It rings once, twice, three times. Half-way through the fourth, Luigi’s face appears on the screen.

“Luigi, my boy!” E. Gadd exclaims, “It’s so good to—” He squints, adjusting his glasses as he scrutinizes Luigi’s appearance. The lad looks tired and a little worse for wear. But also, “Why are you all wet?”

“I tripped and fell head-first into a toilet,” he replies dryly, “What do you think?”

E. Gadd frowns at the distant gurgling laughter that undoubtedly belongs to Gooigi. “Don’t you get smart with me, sonny-boy. I was getting wor—” he coughs, “—ready to call your brother in for back-up because you were taking too long.”

Luigi’s brows knit together in confusion. “What do you mean? It’s only been—” he looks up, presumably checking the time on the screen. His eyes widen. “…over three hours?”

“In a house this size, it should have only taken half that time,” the professor huffs. “Either these were some really tough ghosts, or I need to whip you back into shape!”

Luigi grimaces, avoiding eye contact. “Things got… a little complicated. It’s a long story.”

E. Gadd grumbles at the vague explanation. He’ll get the details later, for sure, but for now, the professor accepts the dismissal. “Hm. Well, I suppose all that matters is that you got the job done.” He leans in marginally. “…you did take care of all of the ghosts, right?”

Luigi closes his eyes, looking almost serene. “This house,” he whispers in a nasally voice, “is clean.”

Stars above, the lad is in worse shape than E. Gadd thought. “And the young feller? Are they alright?”

“After some therapy, maybe. But yeah, Dane’s still in one piece.” Luigi turns the camera so it is facing the kid in question. Like Luigi, they are also a little worse for wear, but at the very least they don’t look like they just crawled out of a dunk tank.

Dane stares back at the professor with wide eyes. “Whoa…” He looks up from the display, presumably at Luigi. “Is that the stationary wizard you mentioned earlier?”

E. Gadd squawks indignantly. More gurgling laughter bubbles through the speaker, overlapped with a weary sigh.

The video suddenly jolts, and now Gooigi is taking up the frame. “I’m okay, too,” he chirps, “Thanks for asking.” A chipper bark from the off-screen Polterpup seems to mirror the sentiment (how barking can sound sarcastic, E. Gadd can’t say).

“I was making my way down the list!” E. Gadd splutters. “Besides, I knew you’d be fine. Luigi’s the danger-prone one between the two of you.”

“Remind me not to use you as a reference if I make a career change,” Luigi grumbles.

“I make no promises. Now, you four get your keesters out here post-haste! There’s a lawn full of worrywarts waiting for you.”

The camera turns back to Luigi. He seems surprised. “You’re still on-site?”

“You betcha! I thought it would be a good opportunity to test the Virtual Boo’s successor—the Scree-U!”

One of the Toads on his right does a spit-take. They are drinking a blue liquid that looks suspiciously like the chemical used to clean windows. “The what?”

“Professor,” Luigi groans, “We can’t use that name. I told you this multiple times.”

“And I still don’t understand why not.”

“Because it sounds too much like…” Luigi gesticulates vaguely. “You know.”

“No. I don’t.”

Luigi sighs. “It’s not marketable. Just trust me on this.”

“You said the same thing about the last name I suggested,” E. Gadd huffs, “The Wii-Boo.”

“Huh, that one sounds okay,” the spit-taking Toad muses. “What’s wrong with Wii-Boo?”

E. Gadd waves a hand toward his assistant, giving Luigi a pointed look. The Doogan gasps from off-screen.

“Oh…” The teen says quietly. He sounds like he’s trying not to laugh. “I get it.”

Luigi gives the professor a pointed look of his own. E. Gadd scoffs. 5

“Listen,” Luigi says, “We can workshop names later. In the meantime, professor, why don’t you look up?”

E. Gadd frowns. “Look up what?”

Luigi rolls his eyes. The camera flips, and suddenly E. Gadd is no longer seeing his young protégé, but himself, looking down at the Scree-U. The professor snaps his head up with a start. Luigi, Gooigi, Pepper, and Dane are all standing on the front porch. Luigi puts his phone away and offers E. Gadd a little wave.

“Hey, professor.”

The remaining occupants on the lawn take notice of the new arrivals. With varying cheers and exclamations, the group of teenagers rush to greet their freshly rescued friend. Dane hops off the porch to meet them. The parents follow at a more subdued pace, watching in weary relief as their children pull the Doogan into a crushing embrace. Luigi and his partners quietly skirt around the group, not wanting to interrupt the little reunion. E. Gadd fumbles to put away the Scree-U and jogs over to meet them halfway.

“Glad you could finally join us,” E. Gadd says, huffing slightly from the brief exertion. “Though you could have warned this old man that you were leaving the house.”

Luigi quirks a brow. “Could you not tell from the background in the video that we were moving?”

The professor crosses his arms, looking unimpressed. “You mean like how you were able to tell that I was outside on someone’s lawn and not in my lab?”

“…he’s got you there,” Gooigi signs.

“That I do. And you, Luigi,” E. Gadd says, waggling a finger in the plumber’s face, “got a lot of explaining to do! Just what happened in there, hm?”

Luigi’s shoulders droop with a sigh. “Professor, I’m soaking wet, I smell like burnt calamari dipped in chlorine, and I’m tired. Can the debrief wait until after I’ve showered and gotten some sleep?”

E. Gadd frowns. He doesn’t like the idea of putting things off—recounting is best done when things are still fresh, after all—but the lad does look (and smell) rather awful. Perhaps he can give Luigi a break, just this once.

“…fine,” he acquiesces, “But you’re leaving the Poltergust with me, and I want you over at my lab first thing when you wake up, understood?”

“Yeah, no problem,” Luigi says, already shrugging off the Poltergust. He sets it on the grass by the professor and pauses a moment, as if deliberating, and then holds out an old spell book (presumably the one that started this mess). “Can I leave this with you as well? It’s only temporary; I’ll take it to Merlon after our meet-up at your lab.”

“Hm… I don’t see why not.” E. Gadd accepts the book with a light shrug. He could always scan the pages into The Witch’s database in the meantime. With his free hand, he shoos Luigi away. “Now go on home and get yourself cleaned up. I’ll wrap things up here.”

Luigi hesitates. He looks to Gooigi—a silent conversation seeming to pass between them (E. Gadd was always equal parts fascinated and annoyed when the duo communicated that way).

“I’ll tell him my side of the story up through the Clubba fight,” Gooigi signs to his partner, “You can take care of the rest.”

Luigi offers the ectomorph an appreciative nod before bidding him and the professor both goodbye. Pepper trots dutifully after the lad. Luigi pauses by their mortal clients to wish them well, and is quickly swarmed by the grateful youths, much to E. Gadd’s amusement.

The professor sets the spell book down by the Poltergust and claps his hands to get the Toads’ attention. “Alright, quit yer gawping! The house is clear and we’ve got work to do. Damage assessment and clean-up teams, hop to it!”

A scramble of squeaky shoes meets the professor’s ears as his assistants rush past him. When the last spotted head disappears through the front door, E. Gadd turns and strolls to the mailbox at the property’s edge. He stops next to it and claps sharply once more. “Construction team!”

Half a dozen spirits wearing yellow hardhats suddenly appear on the visible spectrum. The closest one to the professor—a Goob with oversized headgear—waves an arm wildly in the air like a student trying to get their teacher’s attention. “Present!” they yell loudly.

E. Gadd hooks a thumb over his shoulder. “I need a few of you to help the Toads with clean-up. The rest of you are on stand-by for repairs.”

The Goob offers him a mock salute. “You got it, boss!” They turn and wave to the rest of their team. A Hammer, a Boo, and another Goob split from the group and make their way to the house.

E. Gadd watches the trio as they give the large gathering of mortals a wide berth (rather considerate of them, given what the children have been through). The Boo suddenly slows, and turns toward the crowd, a befuddled look on their face. E. Gadd follows their gaze; they’re looking at Luigi. The man is talking to some of the parents, but E. Gadd (and the Boo, for that matter) are too far away to hear the conversation. Luigi makes a slow, deliberate gesture, and then with a flick of his wrist, a business card appears in his hand. With another flick, the singular card turns into several splayed out in a fan. Luigi’s audience ‘Ooo’ and clap lightly in amusement.

E. Gadd looks back to the Boo. They are squinting at Luigi, like he’s a puzzle they can’t quite work out. Yes, E. Gadd finds his protégé’s affinity for card tricks vexing at times (and it’s why he’s vowed never to play cards with the man), but he doesn’t see what the hubbub is about. Why would sleight of hand catch a Boo’s attention? Boos can literally turn things invisible—much more impressive, in the professor’s opinion. After a moment, the Boo bobs in their equivalent of a shrug—seemingly drawing the same conclusion—and follows their companions into the house.

Hmm… odd, but Boos are odd entities, so it checks out. There’s nothing to worry about.

Nothing at all.

______________________________

It’s nearly sunrise by the time Luigi flops into bed. He had merely sighed, resigned, when he noticed the blue greys of the lightening sky as he went to draw his bedroom curtains closed. It isn’t the first time Luigi went to sleep at dawn, and it certainly won’t be the last.

A freshly bathed Pepper (much to the pup’s chagrin) is curled up at the foot of the bed, content, just as they had been mere hours ago. Luigi—also freshly bathed—is back in his spot. If not for the bone-deep exhaustion and scattering of fresh bruises, he could be convinced that he’d been home all night; that nothing had happened.

That nothing had changed. 6

Luigi frowns marginally. He eases himself up and holds out a hand, palm-up. He calls upon his Thunderhand technique and it responds in kind. Tiny arcs of electricity dance between his fingers with a blue-white glow. He snuffs it out with a clench of his fist.

Luigi glances around the room, as if checking for a potential audience. No one else is here—he knows this—but after tonight, he’s feeling unusually on-edge. All the shadows feel a little bit darker, the walls, a little closer.

He takes a deep breath and returns his gaze to his hand. He unclenches it and stares at his palm, brow furrowing as he tries to recall how he accessed that… other power. It hadn’t been a conscious action. It had felt… different—strange. Not completely unnatural, but not second nature, either; not like the Thunderhand.

Luigi thinks about the three instances when the phlox-hued energy sprung forth. All Luigi remembers is the fear, no, the anger that he had felt when he first used it. The second time might have been in response to an adrenaline spike as he pulled away from the revenants. The third time, he had been desperate. His options for neutralizing the ghost had been so severely limited, that he had fully intended to utilize the Thunderhand, even at his own risk. That was when the strange energy made itself known—like it was… for lack of a better word, volunteering.

Luigi continues to study his hand as he replays those moments once more. Not so much as a spark appears in his palm. Whatever this energy is, it doesn’t seem to be very forthcoming outside instances of stress. Perhaps emotions play a part as well? The thought is troublesome. Luigi isn’t an expert in the arcane, but he has learned enough to know that fueling one’s magic with emotions is ill-advised. Negative emotions, in particular, can lead to corruption.

A quiet boof pulls Luigi from his thoughts. He looks up to find Pepper watching him, their tail wagging with slow uncertainty. Luigi offers the spectral canine what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, Pepper,” he says. “I just got a lot on my mind, is all.”

The Polterpup being one of them, but considering other events, the enigma that is Pepper is quite a bit further down on the list of concerns.

Pepper stares back at Luigi, almost appraisingly. Their gently wagging tail suddenly picks up speed as they turn their focus to something over the plumber’s shoulder. Luigi’s heartrate skyrockets, and he only just keeps from whirling around in panic. He follows Pepper’s gaze at a perfectly reasonable level of urgency. The object of Pepper’s attention happens to be Luigi’s nightstand—specifically, one of the drawers.

Luigi rolls his eyes good naturedly. “Oh, alright. I suppose I did imply I’d give you one when we got back…”

Luigi leans over and pulls out a drawer. He reaches inside and feigns to dig through its contents, as if struggling to find what he is looking for. The bed is practically shaking with Pepper’s joyous anticipation. With an exaggerated cry of triumph, Luigi draws back with his prize: a large femur (one that didn’t once belong to a sapient being). He offers it to the Polterpup.

“Here you go, buddy,” he says, “You’ve more than earned it.”

Pepper whole-heartedly agrees. With a happy bark, they snatch up the bone and drag it back to their corner of the bed. Luigi fondly shakes his head as the spectral canine begins to gnaw on their treat with vigor.

Luigi turns back to the nightstand and pushes the drawer closed. As he pulls back, his eyes land on the book he had been reading a handful of hours ago. It rests innocently on the nightstand right where he had left it. He distantly notes the bookmark poking out from its pages. The page marker advertises that Luigi isn’t even a third of the way through the modest novel—he started reading it weeks ago. His painfully slow progress would typically annoy him (though it has long since become his new norm), but after tonight, Luigi finds himself oddly uncaring. He silently reaches over the neglected novel and turns off the lamp, bathing the room in darkness.

Curling up with a good book was the furthest thing from his mind.

______________________________

And it's over! After five long years, we finally get closure. Thank you to everyone who's stuck around to see this to the end. Whether you've been here from the start or just arrived, you're all awesome! This is the first long-fic I've ever completed and it's a great feeling (even if it was never meant to be this lengthy lmao) .

...but this is only the beginning. Four years ago (I still can't believe it's been that long), I got an ask that inadvertently predicted a sub-plot to this series before I had even established the groundwork. This story is the very groundwork I alluded to. Our boy Luigi has got a strange new power and needs to get a handle on it. What shenanigans is he bound for? Only time will tell~

Next week I will post story extras in a separate entry, so keep a look out! After that, I'll be working on the next installment. If all goes accordingly, we'll get to see how Luigi and King Boo first established this strange little truce of theirs.

Until then!

__

1. So much for the vengeful, undead army. Looks like Merlich had been bluffing after all (but is it really that big of a shocker that he is a lying liar who lies?). In an earlier version of this chapter's outline, I was going to keep the Dry Horde kicking, only they wouldn't have been hostile towards Luigi and company now that Merbitch wasn't around to control them. I eventually came to the conclusion that letting the Horde "die" and move on would be a kinder fate.

-

2. This well-meaning gesture may end up causing Luigi as much trouble as it saves him. King Boo certainly won't be happy to find this magic equivalent of a "Do Not Touch" sign on his arch-nemesis lol 

-

3. This scene was also in the earlier draft where the horde "lives", but instead of just a femur, Pepper is dragging along a very distressed Dry Bones. It made for a funnier image and is something I lament losing in the final work.

-

4. In the original draft, Luigi lets Dane perform the spell, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how irresponsible this would be (especially with how much emphasis I've placed on the volatility of teleportation magic). I ended up liking this version a lot more anyway. After all the tip-toeing around the spell book, Luigi is finally able to handle it without being plagued by horrible unease. It's good for our boy to have some positive interactions with magical texts.

-

5. A joke isn't funny if you have to explain it blah blah blah whatever. In case it's not clear, "Scree-U" kinda sounds like "screw you" when said fast enough, and "Wii-Boo" kinda sounds like "weeaboo" (that one's more of a stretch but idc lol). ...oh god I just thought of a Boo character named WeeaBoo HELP 

-

6. Someone once asked me what was Luigi's most impactful job, and while I didn't have a definitive answer, I had replied that this sleepover fiasco was certainly high on the list. Now, all this time later, we finally see why. 

[serenity-black]

I LITERALLY CANT XD

He went for the THROAT lol

have some mercy my dude

[hirak0s]

𝓗𝓾𝓰 — 👐 //sorry for the double ask but Miele didn't want to leave Shinji without a hug qvq

He was caught off guard by the hug and held Miele close. "Ya doin' good?" His hand rubbed the cat arrancar's back and wondered if they did the cat thing of raising their butt when scratched-

[goobhater420]

fuck any and all goobs look at this #fat #idiot

[laf-outloud]

Secret documents, huh? So secret that only you and a very select group of people (i.e., Goob's server) know about them, right?

[bonnyhoddie]

Rodger and Glisten

I’ve been playing Rodger recently to get Main research but I prefer Glisten a lot more, and I find his extraction dialogue a lil amusing considering Glisten’s better at extracting than him. Also I feel like they’re both just as competitive as each other, but Glisten just shows it more.

Would higher extraction speed mean Glisten is smarter or stronger than Rodger? He’s not the best at skill checks and I’d never use the magnifying glass and award combo for him but he can turn the wheel on the machine better than everyone else except Vee.

Also omg if anyone with good luck wants to do a main hunt lemme know, I haven’t found a main at all in 2 days, and I have 43% Shelly research I really want herrr

Any of the mains really but Shelly’s cute and I think she’s super useful with her abilities, skill check stat and trinket. Then I want Sprout and Pebble after.

Also, rant time despite not actually being mad or annoyed or anything, actually it’s kinda funny:

Why does everyone just drop like flies on the first floor. Like, god damn, a full lobby of 8 people and it drops to 2 or 3. It won’t even be filled with noobs either, like, they’d all have toons that require them have experience at the game, like Gigi, Teagan and Goob, but chaos ensues. Like, all of a sudden, nobody can hide, everyone’s being chased and I’m just there watching and hearing everyone die and just like that, either I’m completely on my own or with 2-3 other people. Having only 1 or 2 people die on the first floor is so rare for me for no reason.

I also had another Rodger call us all stupid idiots for ‘not planning a run better’ because the distractor died floor 2 and they died at the very start of floor 3 and had 1 heart.

Which, first of all, we can’t plan a run with a) not knowing people’s specific skills since they’re all strangers, just their toons, and b) everyone fighting to get to an elevator, meaning the toons we like might not even get in because a noob or a toon we just like less gets in.

And, second of all, if you NEED a distractor to survive floor 3, play some solo games or a normal run, not one that is meant to be long, cause clearly you need to work on some things. If it were just mistakes or bad luck (which happen a lot to me) that’d be perfectly fine, but not relying on a distractor to exist just to survive and completely dropping your guard just because there’s a distractor. Get some skills at that rate.

Also, distractors, I love you so so so much and appreciate all you do, but please sprint a lil sometimes, every time I see the twisteds running so close to the distractor I get scared of them turning at some points, accidentally running into something or someone, or Panic Mode happening, because those catch a lot of people out, including me when I’ve played distractor Tisha and Razzle (yes, with both the plush and shoes, you’d never catch me playing distractor without both of those), and every time, I see those same distractors that don’t run every now and then for a lil more distance get hit.

[whyareyoulookingatmelikethat]

twisted sprout x distractor reader x twisted cosmo?

bonus points if reader's a little overly cocky and gets Got (maybe we get like. kidnapped or something. whatever you think would fit best in the getting got category [: )

...no this isn't inspired by me doing stupid stuff while distracting and getting punished for it. why would you think that noo /j

[20]: In The End

Not much to say right now. Not in the best mood after something happened, but I still hope you enjoy.

You were known as the chaotic one of the group.

Reckless, mischievous, you name it.

Honestly, no one really knew why you were the distractor, but they just went along with it because who else did they have to distract?

So here you were, skipping your way along the dark halls, your mood completely cheerful despite the disturbing sounds of the monsters chasing you.

The smile on your face was as bright as it would be on a sunny day, strangely enough.

You weren't one to strategize either. The instant you found a speed candy on the floor? Eat it in an instant.

Chocolate bars? Sounds good! Bottles of pop? Sure thing! No saving whatsoever.

You were literally the embodiment of idiotic.

And you liked it.

What was wrong about being stupid? Everyone is, so might as well come to terms with it.

You giggled, rounding the corner and making a U-turn around the twisteds.

Some say you’re confusing. Some say you’re drunk. Some say you’re crazy. (Which you are, but focus!)

You had the most positive,(Yes, even more positive than Poppy) yet deranged look on your situation, is what people said.

You didn’t care if there were monsters chasing you. You didn’t care if you were possibly going to die soon. After all, if you're going to go out, might as well have a little fun while doing so!

No you weren’t suicidal, just…you tried to make the best of your situation.

Was this place causing you to go insane? Probably. Who wouldn’t, after seeing their friends die in front of them one by one?

Ah, you remember now. Vee being mauled by Twisted Pebble, Boxten’s bones being crushed by Twisted Goob’s grip, Astro being killed by…well, Twisted Astro. Or who you like to call, the leech.

Their deaths were so traumatizing, you say with absolutely no emotion whatsoever, like you’re being sarcastic, but you’re not.

What reason would you have to be?

You didn’t really hate anyone here, not Vee or Glisten with their pride, Rodger with his nosiness, or even Shrimpo with his yelling. He had good reason to be bitter.

You heard a screech behind you, a warning. With practiced grace, you twirled around the easily avoidable tendril sprouting up from the floor, not even staining your shoes with the black ichor.

As you skipped on, avoiding a swipe of a smaller black claw, you wondered how the twisteds were even dumber than you, to the point they would just run around in circles after you and not even cut through the middle. They also wouldn’t jump or step over obstacles, nor knock them aside. They reminded you of homing missiles, but worse.

They acted as if a bean bag was a brick wall, and it was funny, yet extremely confusing. It bugged you to the point of insanity.(Not really, you're still sane but you know)

So you entertained the thought that maybe they were all blind. Their eyes were blood-red, so it would make sense that their vision is messed up, but that doesn’t explain how the amalgamation that was once a sweet and loving dog could now see you across half the entire floor, but couldn’t see you over a colorful kids table, despite towering over you.

It didn’t make any sense. It was like every single obstacle ever was an invisible wall for them. And you thought you were dumb…

You hummed, breaking out of your train of thought. Your eyes widened as you came face to face with a wall, smacking straight into it.

You could feel a headache beginning to form as you fell backwards towards the ground, hitting your head on the painfully hard concrete. You could hear the slightest crack and you cried out, immediately curling yourself up and hands shooting up to your head.

It…felt warm. Weirdly warm, and sticky.

Oh.

You already knew what it was.

You pressed down hard on your scalp as the twisteds closed in on you. You’d go out quick, at least.

The only thing you saw before it was all gone was two blurry faces staring down at you, hissing and groaning filling the air.

[maucira]

reassurance (true ver)

part two of too excited

goob x f!reader

(semi?) public sex, first time, goob being silly, blowjobs, vaginal sex, inexperienced, unprotected, guilt

After the previous... encounter with Goob, he'd been quite shy around you. He of course was still the upbeat toon everyone knew and loved, but he subtly would change around you. He would hesitate a little to give you hugs while around others. Was he scared he would have another accident in front of everyone? You couldn't blame him, if you were Goob you'd rather let a twisted get you than get a hard-on in front of the other toons.

Even though you were trying to reassure yourself it was just him being embarrassed, you felt guilty about the whole situation. He clearly didn't mean for it to happen. Maybe he didn't want it to happen at all, you weren't sure. You could tell he enjoyed it, but it was his first time being in a situation like that - maybe he wanted to wait. Thoughts scrambled through your brain as you sat at a booth in the diner, munching on a few multicoloured gumballs. You could feel the variety of effects hitting you, giving you boosts of who knows what.

You were sitting alone even though you usually sat with the other toons, you'd prefer to be alone while you racked your thoughts together. You quietly groaned, not wanting to bring attention to the table as you rested on your face on the table and let out a long sigh. Toons weren't even made for romance let alone sexual activity, so why did you have to be the one going through all of this? Quite the conundrum it was.

Toons were different from humans, the same dangers did not apply, so you didn't hesitate to just swallow the gumballs that were in your mouth. It wasn't a very good example for children, but it's not like there were any here. You stretched your arms out in front of you, tapping your hands on the table as a frown came upon it. You didn't know how to approach Goob and ask him if what you two did together was okay, you were worried that your friendship with him would be ruined. Goob did cuddle you and chat your ear off after your little session of rubbing against each other, rambling about something you weren't paying attention to, but maybe he was just trying to make himself feel better.

You brought one hand to your head and tapped your knuckle on it a few times. Now you're just reaching, Goob loved it! That dreamy expression on his cute, fluffy face said it all. You didn't know why you were still arguing with yourself like an idiot, Goob came onto you first. The guilt was eating you alive, you didn't want Goob to feel the same you had. He was so sweet, he didn't deserve anything bad happening to him, you just wanted to squish those fluffy cheeks of his.

Throughout your reminiscence, you failed to hear the sound of a worried toon walking towards you. You felt a plush-like hand place itself on one of yours, while the toon moved their way to sitting beside you, bringing your hand into their lap. Your eyes opened as you blinked rapidly, staring at the creamy white table before raising your head. Just as you did so, those same long arms that hugged you around a week ago were wrapped around you once again. Your face was pulled into a fluffy chest and you immediately recognised the owner of the beige fur.

Goob.

"Hey, you feeling a bit tuckered out?" He spoke, tilting his head down at you with a small grin, the apple of his cheek being enhanced as a response to the smiling. "Is it something a hug could fix?" He said, curiosity laced in his tone. You tilted your head up at him, batting your lashes as you blinked in shock before a light blush coated your cheeks. You didn't know why you were blushing, but you could feel butterflies fly wildly in your stomach. "Goob! Good- good to see you." You spoke, leaning your head down into his shoulder as you hid yourself away.

"Hehe! How's my best pal doing?" He chirped, squeezing a bit tighter. Goob wanted to keep the mood light, but he was subtly trying to worm what was bothering you out. Was it because of him? He squinted slightly in guilt as he stared down at you, hiding in his fur. "You've been looking a bit upside down all by yourself here, y'know!" He said, keeping himself chipper. You raised your head to look at Goob again, scooting backward a little to get a proper look at him. You anxiously looked around before taking a deep breath in and asking the question that had been bothering you.

"Goob... Did- uh, was it okay? Like, you wanted it?" You finally spat out, looking down at your hands that had brought themselves together and were now fidgeting with your fingers. "I totally get it if it wasn't! I just... you're not uncomfortable with me now, are you?" You ask, trailing off shyly at the end of your sentence. Goob didn't react, not even a slight murmur came out of him. You refused to look up at him again, wanting to die in embarrassment as you flopped your upper body onto the table, using your arms to shield your face.

"Goob, I'm so sorry." You groan out, cursing yourself silently. Goob blinked out of his daze as he stared at you. "I'm not upset." He spoke, raising one plush paw onto your shoulder to turn you towards him and bringing the other paw to grab your hand. "I've been... weird around you. It's odd! I know! I just get that weird feeling again and I'm not sure how well I'd be able to hold it back." He spoke, bringing your hand down to his crotch. "It happens when I look at you sometimes." He spoke with a shy voice, looking away as your palm was sprawled across his clothed dick.

"You made me feel really good, hehe..." He spoke, drawing out the 'a'. "I want to do it again. Please?" He asked with a little more confidence. He began to move your hand against him, rubbing up and down as his furry cheeks turned pink, the toon defying logic as his fur reddened. "Goob?" You asked, baffled at his declaration before a wobbly smile came onto your lips. "I..." You weren't experienced at this by any means, but friends take care of each other. You wanted to care for Goob and whatever unresolved sexual tension he felt.

You nodded as you curled your hand more to properly hold his erection and began rubbing him through his pants. Just as you gripped his tighter, he paused your movements with his hand as he huffed out. "Wait, wait... Let me just get these off of me." He said tugging at his pants as he hurriedly rushed to get them off, his claws fumbling with the zip clumsily as his rush made his paws slip. "Ah, crud. Just- just hang on."

You giggled at his futile attempts to take them off. "How about you let me?" You asked, softly batting his paws away as you pulled the zip down with ease, gliding over the bulge. An embarrassed expression crossed Goob's face, "Well, that was easy as pie, huh?" Your eyes turned up in amusement before focusing back on his thinly clothed dick.

You peeled back the material of his boxers and slid them down his thighs, eyeing his hard erection. "Wow." You said, blinking at his dick curiously. As a toon, you weren't ever given the sex talk. You knew it existed and the basic concept of it, you just didn't know it very well. You hadn't ever seen a penis before in your life either, it was quite the shock. You tapped your finger on his tip, Goob breathing in a sharp breath at the action.

You wrapped your hand around his cock and pumped it a few times, watching it closely and listening to the shaky breaths Goob would let out before looking at him. "Could I try something?" You spoke, tilting your head to the side as you never took your eyes off of his lower part. Goob squinted in hesitation, looking at the ground a little awkwardly before nodding his head. "Y-Yeah, just... be careful."

You leant your head down, bringing your face closer to his dick as you leant forward. You hesitantly stuck out your tongue, before gliding it over the mushroom head. "I won't bite." You said, tasting the musky flesh and wrapping your lips over his head. Goob cried out at the suddenness, his claws gripping the booth's chair. "Oh my gosh. That-" Goob gasped out, his voice cracking as he mumbled, "That was sudden." The corner of your lips curled as you used one hand to hold the base and began slowly bobbing your head up and down against his shaft.

Goob's croaky whimpers were slightly muffled as he bit his bottom lip, though some still escaped him. Your saliva coated his base, a slick sheet of it dripping down it. You weren't by any means an egotistical person, but the way you had Goob gripping the booth made a proud feeling flutter in your chest. You eagerly took him further down your throat, hollowing your cheeks as you began bobbing your head at a faster pace. You could taste his salty precum.

Goob sputtered in shock as he cried out, "Please! Oh goodness, you- you're gonna make me cum. I... think that's what it's called!" He said, his voice turning to a higher pitch, bordering on a wail as you began to pump him at the same time. You sucked on him fervently as you took him as far as you could down your throat, gagging all the while.

You moaned around him, making him buck his hips up as he brought a hand down to your head. He held you as gently as he could while he thrust his hips forward, grinding against your warm cavern before a salty taste exploded in your mouth. Goob groaned out, shutting his eyes tightly as he held you there, his hips twitching before he pulled out, a trail of cum and saliva following.

His semen in your mouth made you hurriedly swallow down the bitter fluid, grimacing before coughing as you gasped for air. Goob panted, coming down from his high. He turned to look at you, eyes widening in concern before bringing his arms around you and pulling you towards his chest. "Are you okay?! Was I too much? I'm sorry." He rambled out, squeezing you until you patted his shoulder in reassurance.

"It's," You began, smacking your lips at the lingering taste of him. "it's fine, I was the one that wanted to try it. I'm okay." You said, smiling at him. He looked at you, seemingly enamoured with the bright look you gave him. His lips carved a crescent before an idea popped into his head. "Well, you did something for me. Soo... I should do something for you too, no?" He asked, pointing to himself with a toothy grin. His pointed teeth gleamed under the bright lights as he blinked at you, one eyelid at a time.

You hesitantly looked around, eyeing Goob's now soft cock. You looked back at him before nodding your head. "Yeah, I'd like that." You said, before holding the hem of your dress. "So do I just do this?" You asked, shyly lifting it to your stomach to reveal your panties. Goob eyed the white undergarment, his mouth shaping an 'o' in surprise. You giggled at his astonishment. You just sucked him off and this is what he's shocked about? He was such an oddball.

Goob looked up at your face, before pointing down at your lower half. "Could I?" He asked, his claws already reaching for the hem. You gave him a thumbs-up, not really in the mood to communicate and more in the mood to fuck. You spread your legs so Goob had easier access to both removing the panties and settling himself in between your legs. Goob held your discarded underwear, eyeing it with intrigue.

"Y'know, Scraps would kill me if she knew I saw these." He said, placing them on his head. He grinned boyishly at you, while you just stared at him with a baffled expression. "Goob! Get that off, you dummy!" You squeaked out, reaching forward to grab them at take the cloth off of his head. "You're so- ugh..." You muttered, rolling your eyes at his weirdness. "You're lucky you're so cute."

Goob did his iconic frog blink, not responding as his smile widened at your funny expression. He laughed quietly, before looking down at your genitals. He curiously stared, using the smooth side of his claw to poke at it. "I'm not sure I should put my claws in there. Wait, do you even have a hole?" He asked. Gosh, sometimes his stupidity made you want to hit him with a chocolate bar. You used your own hands to spread your folds, pointing at the entrance. "Yes, I do in fact, have a hole." You said unamused.

Goob looked down at his dick, which seemed to have hardened at the mere sight of your pussy. "Oh wow." He eyed your throbbing clit as he shuffled forward and tapped his dick against it. "So I just stick it in, right?" He questioned, breath hitching as he slipped his dick against your wettened folds. "Yeah." You replied, sucking in a deep breath as you felt him grind against you.

"Alright. I'm going in the hole." He said in a serious voice, before leaning back and aiming his tip at your entrance. "You make it sound like you're on a mission, goofball." You spoke, a whispery laugh escaping you, before gasping as he slowly put the head in. "It feels like one." He barely got to say, whining at the sensation of your gummy walls.

You brought a hand up to your mouth as you covered it, biting into the skin as his dick entered you. You felt so full. You shut your eyes tightly, muttering. "Wait, wait." Goob immediately stopped in you, pausing his movements as he was halfway in you. He groaned in pleasure before worriedly looking at you. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" He asked with concern laced in his tone as he placed one of his hands on your cheek.

You panted softly as you leaned into his paw. "I'm okay, just need time." You murmured, letting out open-mouthed breaths. Goob nodded. "Of course." He said, bringing the other hand to pet your head gently. "Take as

much as you need." You sighed, you loved the affection he was showing you.

You stayed still for a mere moment before confidently affirming. "You can move now." Goob's smile grew more as he buried himself in until the halt. He groaned feeling your gummy walls squeeze him, shutting his eyes at the feeling. He slowly began to rock back and forth at a steady pace. His hips rolled into yours as you both shared moans, resounding the symphonies throughout the room. "You feel so good, Goob." You breathily moaned out. "Faster."

Goob nodded hurriedly, leaning over to rest his head on your shoulder as he snapped his hips into you at a faster pace. His mouth opened in ecstasy as your walls felt as if they were sucking him deeper into you. His cock felt every gummy ridge you had, the slick entrance making him slip easily into you. Neither of you had ever felt this way before, and Goob couldn't help but grab your hips and thrust into you at an erratic pace, chasing the pleasure he felt shocking him through his body.

A coil built up inside of the both of you, begging for release. Goob peeked his eyes open, looking down at you who had a dazed expression on your face. The passion he felt, he was captivated by you. It was only you who made him feel this raw sense of passion, the romantic kind anyway. Goob leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on your temple, all the while rocking into you like a mad dog.

You arched your back, hips grinding down to meet Goob's as you heard the sinful sound of skin slapping on skin. You felt an overwhelming sense of bliss take over as your vision had you seeing stars. You cried out Goob's name as you gripped his fur for dear life. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you came on his cock that never once stopped its relentless pace.

"G-Gooob!" You moaned out, him still chasing after his own relief. He pounded into you, his rhythm becoming erratic. He sloppily thrust his hips forward before pulling out and releasing on your pussy. Well, at least it wasn't in, I suppose. He groaned as he jolted his hips forward a few more times before sighing with contentment. You two panted in silence, chests heaving as he smiled down at you.

"I know I'm not supposed to swear, but that was freaking amazing... Don't tell Scraps."

[nerdypixel]

I am crying, because I'm laughing so hard. This. Is. Brilliant!

POV you work or live on whickber street, soho london

the A.Z. Fell & Co bookshop is a money laundering scheme (it is never open and nothing is for sale) and a front for the mob (the main visitor is a guy who wears sunglasses at night and drives a million £ car) and Mr. Fell is a sugar daddy (the sunglasses guy has no job but can afford his lux lifestyle plus he just has that vibe) with ties to the criminal underworld (how do they pay rent without ever selling anything and sometimes people in bespoke white suits come by). there was a violent gang war (a scary horde calling themselves 'the demons' attacked the shop) and Mr. Fell killed all of them (there was screaming and booms) and now the shop is a crime scene (there is a cop inside all the time now) and Mr. Fell is either on the run from the law (he has disappeared) or in prison (sunglasses sugar baby is crying)

[nicecupofangst]

@batfambrainrotbeloved this came to me after seeing one of your more recent asks and before I could stop myself, I had already finished this monstrosity.

Anyhoo, this is Trash Tim from The Drakes Spoiled Brat. (im sorry dad) on ao3 and I absolutely adore this idiot little goob </3

[hatefulshrimp]

what the fuck is goob doing help me

"YOU COULD FALL YOU IDIOT!!!!"