#identical twins would be such a confusing discovery for them

[stealingpotatoes]

Ok but handmaidens would have to be confusing at least a little for little Luke and Leia. There are like 12 other moms but none of them are mom????

by the time the twins are born, I think most the Handmaidens have been apart from Padmé long enough to look and act pretty uniquely -- but most is not all, and Sabé canonically keeps looking so much like Padmé that Vader thinks she is Padmé LOL soo... realistically it makes sense the twins confused beyond belief about at least ONE of their several mom-but-not-moms

that being said they are 2 of the strongest force users like Ever so Padmé might be really anxious about her kids thinking the wrong é is their mum, but thanks to baby force vibe checks, they literally never get confused loll. either way its very fun

[bluegekk0]

Who else is part of the Alphabet Mafia in Dirtmouth?

Ooooh I like this one, I'll take this as an opportunity to talk about all the characters in Dirtmouth since it's pride month.

I'll ofc start with the Vyrm family before I get to other characters.

(under a read more cause it's looong)

Vyrm - as I mentioned before, I see him as demi-gay. He wasn't even aware that he was gay until he formed a close bond with Grimm, so I think it makes sense. Plus all those experiences of demi people that who describe their attraction as "suddenly clicking" that I read, match how I see Vyrm realizing he has feelings for Grimm. He definitely one day suddenly thought to himself that Grimm is really really hot and he started noticing things about Grimm's body that made him feel things, blushing whenever Grimm made eye contact with him, and in general just finding his mind wander in quite inappropriate directions. That was what put him on the (slow) journey of self-discovery, since he hasn't actually felt that way about anyone else before, even WL, because as it turns out, he just didn't feel that way towards female beings. And as for gender identity, he's cis and uses he/him pronouns. Born male and has never seen himself as anything else, though he's not that rigid in regards to how he presents.

Grimm - bisexual with a male preference, 100%. He had years to experience casual relationships of all kinds, and he definitely found himself attracted more to male partners. He did have a more serious female love interest years back, though it didn't work out. As for gender identity, he does present as male, use male pronouns and so on, though he has no issue acting in a more feminine way and does so quite often. So it's safe to say that he's not as strict with his identity, he's just Grimm. There's also the fact that biologically he's both male and female, as that's how he created his body. I hesitate to use the term intersex for him, as I know it doesn't fit him and I wouldn't want to potentially add to negative stereotypes. The closest thing would be hermaphrodite as it's used in biology (particularly in regard to animals), but I also don't want to use that term because of its negative connotations when used to describe a person, even if it matches what he has going on better. So, in short. He's both, and he chooses to present as male. His pronouns are he/him but he'd have no issue being referred to as she or they, he just doesn't use them himself.

Lewk, the twins - they're too young to even begin comprehending identity and attraction, and consequently I haven't thought about it either. What I can say is that being raised in a household where gender norms practically don't exist would help them be more comfortable with whatever identity they eventually feel fits them best. And as a little side note, I think it would be really cute if Lewk, who was raised very sheltered, didn't realize for the longest time that having two dads wasn't a universal experience. Not that he'd react negatively to opposite-sex relationships, I think he'd just be a bit confused. As for pronouns, they use those associated with their birth sex, so he/him for Lewk and Milo, and she/her for Asta.

Hornet - I definitely see her as a lesbian. A lesbian with no game, so no one even knows since she's not very open about it either (though Grimm can definitely tell hahaha). I definitely think she notices female bugs far more often, but she has no idea how to approach them and maybe even rejects the feeling. Not because she's against having a girlfriend, she just struggles with accepting close relationships in the first place out of fear that she'll lose them. And for gender identity, she is female, though very gender non conforming. She dresses and behaves in a way that makes it ambiguous, but she feels comfortable referring to herself as female. The only term she's uncomfortable with is "princess", but that has more to do with what such title entails rather than it being feminine. She uses she/her pronouns.

Holly - they're aroace to me, they show no interest in relationships despite becoming more open about their emotions. If someone flirted with them, they wouldn't know how to respond, and I think they find the idea of intimacy as something nice, but not for them. They're much more interested in their hobbies and the familiar bond with the rest of the household. As for gender identity, they use they/them pronouns, non-binary or agender would probably be the closest matches. Biologically they're neither, their body is made of void, and void has no distinction between male or female. In regards to how they present, they tend to copy the looks and mannerisms of those around them, so it varies significantly.

Zote - in regards to attraction it's a bit complicated. I feel like he'd talk about female bugs that way because of that whole "a knight and a maiden" idea, so you'd assume he's straight, but I could totally see him slipping up and calling a male bug handsome and showering them with compliments about their appearance. In reality I think he might be a very confused asexual, though a closeted bisexual could also be a possibility. For now I keep him as unlabeled. As for his pronouns, he uses he/him only, and gets quite upset at being called anything else.

---

Ok, now for the side/minor characters.

Brumm - he's gay, he had a male partner and adopted children in the past, and since then he hasn't shown interest in females. He also presents as masculine, and uses he/him pronouns.

Divine - lesbian (which means that the whole Leg Eater scenario didn't happen in the AU, lucky for him), she has a very strong lesbian wine aunt vibe to me. I can see her using she/they pronouns, even if they present as very feminine.

Ogrim - he's straight, he had a brief relationship with Isma back in the day, and hasn't shown interest in any male bugs since then. He presents as masculine and uses he/him pronouns.

Elderbug - straight. I will say, I don't think the dead friend he mentions was a potential love interest, but I do think he's straight. He uses he/him pronouns.

Cornifer and Iselda - they're partners which suggest that they're straight, but I could see one of them (or maybe both?) being bisexual. She/her pronouns for Iselda and he/him fir Cornifer.

Bretta - bisexual, leaning towards women. She was enamored with Zote for a bit before seeing through his lies, and now has a crush on Hornet. As for pronouns, I quite like the idea of her writing under a fictional, male pseudonym, and if that's the case then she would be fine being referred to as either she, he or they.

Jiji - unlabeled, they might be ace or just not interested in having a relationship right now, and that layer of uncertainty matches her. overall mysterious vibe. Uses she/they pronouns.

Jinn - similarly to Jinn, its preferences are unknown. She uses she/her, they/them and it/its pronouns interchangeably.

Mato - he doesn't live in Dirtmouth but I'll mention him here anyway. I think he's bisexual, though he tends to be a bit secretive so it's not very obvious. He/him pronouns, presents as very masculine.

Quirrel - similarly to Mato, he doesn't live here, but he frequently visits the town to give lessons to the children. He's possibly straight or bi, I haven't decided. And he uses he/him pronouns.

---

And while I'm at it, I'll mention other more important characters here, who don't live in Dirtmouth.

The White Lady - bisexual, I feel like she's the type to not really notice gender in regards to attraction. Perhaps pansexual would be more fitting, but I think the two terms can be used interchangeably and I don't want to get into semantics, so I'll stick to bisexual as the umbrella term. In regards to presentation, the Lady part of the title definitely didn't come from nowhere, so they present as overall feminine, though I do quite like the idea of her using both she/her and they/them pronouns. I could see them referring to themselves as "we" whenever she speaks, and I do want to start using they/them pronouns more often when talking about WL, since I think it matches the character.

Lurien - unlabeled, very likely gay, but he chose to not have a partner so it's a very private matter for him. He wears robes and a mask that completely cover his entire body so his identity is quite ambiguous on the surface, and I like the idea of his voice being just as difficult to describe. That said, he does use he/him pronouns, so that's one of the only clues.

Lemm - possibly an old bitter gay man, or perhaps he's straight. I don't think he ever had a partner so it's difficult to say, and he definitely doesn't talk about it. He/him pronouns.

Tiso - he's straight, I thought it would be pretty funny if he had a bit of a crush on Hornet (completely unaware she wouldn't return the feelings even if she didn't hate him), but because he's awful at expressing it, he just ends up acting like a jerk to get her attention. He/him pronouns, nothing to mention here.

---

There are many more characters in the AU that I haven't mentioned, but they're so minor I haven't even thought about them that much. So these are the ones that I treat as more prominent. As you can see, most of them are queer in one way or another. Seems like the infection turned the bugs gay. Many such cases.

[oswaldsleftbicep]

Hi and happy new year. I've always imagined what it would be like if Levy's and Lucia's partners were twins and they all went on a double date together. Can you write a little scenario or headcanons about it , please?

lucia & levy going on a double date with twins

ooo this one is interesting! and also kinda confusing to think about!

genre: crack probably

cw: this probably makes no sense

❧ lucia met his partner while he was running a quick errand in town and bumped into them on accident. they chatted for a while before arranging a date the next day and parting ways. the date was a hit and the two of them became official not long after

❧ levy met his partner through his vet. his horse was due for a checkup and unbeknownst to levy, his vet was bringing along her apprentice so they could get some field experience in. the apprentice unintentionally made a few flirtatious remarks toward levy which got him all flustered and standoffish. it wasn't until they made a reference to one of levy's favorite books that he became more interested, and he shyly asked for the apprentice to return the next day for tea

❧ lucia and levy knew their respective partners fairly well, and they knew that they had a twin, but they never brought it up to one another so the connection was never made

❧ likewise, the twins somehow never communicated the names of their partners to each other, but they decided it would be fun to introduce them to the other via a double date!

❧ it was kinda funny seeing the boys prepare for their dates at the manor the day of cuz like,, lucia would ask "hey, what are you getting dressed up for" and levy would respond "i have a date" and the lucia is just left staring at him like "huh,, me too"

❧ then, when they go to leave for the date in separate carriages, they just keep heading in the same direction, and finally when they reach the same destination and get out of their carriages, they just awkwardly look at each other cuz at this point it's just too weird to be a coincidence

❧ levy's partner is the first to run up and greet him, and lucia is like ",,,,uh hello??" cuz that's his partner. right??

❧ wrong. and now here comes lucia's actual partner running up to him for a hug, and levy looks over at the two of them and his eyes go wide lol

❧ the brothers finally get a good look at the two people in front of them and make the important discovery that they look almost exactly alike

❧ lucia is the first to break the silence, "so you two are, uh..."

❧ his partner responds, "oh, yeah! lucia, i'd like you to meet my twin!" and the twins introduce themselves to the boys

❧ levy's partner asks if the boys already know each other given they arrived at the same time, to which levy states that they're brothers

❧ now all four of them are staring at each other like ",,,huh?" cuz what a coincidence, am i right?

❧ brushing it off as best they can, the two couples continue on to their date at a cute little sit down cafe, and they all get to know each other more

❧ the awkwardness eventually fades away and double dates, or at least spending time together, become a common thing for the two pairs

❧ levy is quick to learn telling differences between his partner and their twin to make communicating easier, like his partner has longer hair and is more of a spitfire whereas lucia's partner has a higher toned voice and more defined cheekbones

❧ earlier on, lucia would have easily fallen for the parent trap trick, but the longer that he knows the twins, he just instinctively knows which one his partner is, no matter what disguise they put on

❧ omg but can you imagine people unintentionally starting drama like "i saw lucia's s/o holding hands with levy!" "with his own brother, oh the poor man" but it's really just no one realizes the brothers are dating identical twins until months into their relationships lmao

[idolsummons]

Side Muse: Seong Cho

Seong Cho was born to a loving mother and father, so joyous as any couple would be at the coming of their new child - and not just one, but two, for they had been blessed with the gift of identical twins! Being new parents to one child would prove difficult enough, let alone two; however, they navigated the turbulence and excitement of their new lives as best they could.

One day, when Seong and his brother, Jun, were some five years old, the love their parents had for each other seemed to vanish. Loving words were used sarcastically, shouting and tears a near daily occurrence, and it was in each other that they found what little comfort they could.

A time came when their mother had had enough and she took both boys with her, with nowhere to go but to her sister for temporary accommodation. They eventually moved into a home of their own but being a single parent of two children, balancing caring for them and work, meant that their new home was less than glamorous.

Seong and Jun never had the best in life and felt outcast from others their age, not being able to share in the joy of the latest toys or the most popular clothing brands, and often kept to themselves - they were grateful to at least have each other.

It was when they were 15 that an attempt to scout them was made based on their looks alone. Jun was not interested; he had no interest in glitz and glamour and though he did not know where he wished to go in life, he knew it was not down the path of fame.

Seong, for once in their lives, had a different opinion. He had been going through a rough patch lately that had been noticed by Jun but not disclosed to anyone. He was doubting who he was, confusion rife in his mind about where his life was headed. Seong did not know where or how he was going to find answers, but he felt he had to take any opportunity that came his way.

Two years passed of arduous training for Seong. He and five other young men were introduced to one another and became the K-pop idol group known as Sojourn. Though their careers had gotten off to a rough start, a surprise number 1 hit saw them rise through the charts and quickly come to be beloved by adoring fans.

Seong’s public persona had always been clear; he was the flirt of the group, making female fans swoon and fall further in love with him. As much as he showed love and adoration to women, however, he did not feel such emotions for them - not just the fans, but any other women his age. This always brought back feelings of guilt, a belief that something was wrong with him, but he later discovered that this wasn’t the case.

When one spends time working with others their age, they typically get closer with them. This was particularly true of Seong and Min-su Lee. Quick glances were oft exchanged between them, words that were a little more playful than between other members of the group, little touches that lingered slightly too long.

It was one day after a rehearsal, being the last two in the room, that they shared their first kiss - one that turned out to be much more passionate than Seong had expected.

Both Seong and Min-su knew they could not mention this to anyone else; although there was no ban on the men of Sojourn dating, anyone discovering that they were into other men - particularly the flirtatious Seong - could mean the end of their careers.

Seong felt relief in this self-discovery, though that made it an even more difficult secret to keep; especially from his brother, with whom he shared such a special bond.

As Sojourn’s popularity took off, so did the affair between Seong and Min-su. With the group becoming surprisingly popular in Japan, it was decided that they would make the move to Tokyo. It was hard for Seong to break the news to Jun, but promised to visit him at every possible opportunity - a promise he has kept to this day.

With the move to Tokyo being something of a fresh start, Seong decided to begin a solo career along with his group work. Popularity, of course, was not difficult to find, many of the fans of Sojourn (and many new ones, too!) following Seong in his solo career as equally as enthusiastically as they had his work with Sojourn. Aiding in this was the early opportunity to collaborate with one of the most popular idols in Japan, Miyu, with whom he still keeps contact.

As for the affair between Seong and Min-su, the two still see each other, though are in agreement that it is strictly a casual thing; they are free to pursue other relationships and call off their affair whenever they need, though there’s no denying there are feelings shared between the two…

[kotton-kandy-kane]

A Little Life

Haven’t done this in forever but this book absolutely merits its own post. 

“What he knew, he knew from books, and books lied, they made things prettier.” 

“He has a vision of his life as a sliver of soap, worn and used and smoothed into a slender, blunt-ended arrowhead ,a little more of it disintegrating with every day.” 

“He’d board at Canal and watch the train fill and empty at each stop with an ever-shifting mix of different peoples and ethnicities, the car’s population reconstituting itself every ten blocks or so into provocative and improbable constellations of Poles, Chinese, Koreans, Senegalese; Senegalese, Dominicans, Indians, Pakistanis; Pakistanis, Irish, Salvadorans, Mexicans; Mexicans, Sri Lankans, Nigerians, and Tibetans - the only thing uniting them being their newness to America and their identical expression of exhaustion, that blend of determination and resignation that only the immigrant possesses.” 

“The other aspect of those weekday-evening trips he loves was the light itself, how it filled the train like something living as the cars rattled across the bridge, how it washed the weariness from his seatmates’ faces and revealed them as they were when they first came to the country, when they were young and America seemed conquerable. He’d watch that kind light suffuse the car like syrup, watch it smudge furrows from foreheads, slick gray hairs into gold, gentle the aggressive shine from cheap fabrics into something lustrous and fine. And then the sun would drift, the car rattling uncaringly away from it, and the world would return to its normal sad shapes and colors, the people to their normal sad state, a shift as cruel and abrupt as if it had been made by a sorcerer’s wand.” 

“[Richard] was a sculptor too, but worked with only ephemeral materials. He’d draw on drafting paper impossible shapes, and then render them in ice, in butter, in chocolate, in lard, and film them as they vanished. He was gleeful about witnessing the disintegration of his works, but JB, watching just last month as a massive, eight-foot-fall piece Richard had made (…) dripped and then crumbled to its demise, had found himself unexpectedly about to cry, though whether from the destruction of something so beautiful or the mere every day profundity of its disappearance, he was unable to say.” 

“When did pursuing your ambitions cross the line from brave into fool-hardy? How did you know when to stop?”

“There were times when the pressure to achieve happiness felt almost oppressive, as if happiness were something that everyone should and could attain, and that any sort of compromise in its pursuit was somehow your fault.”

“New York was populated by the ambitious. It was often the only thing that everyone here had in common. 

Ambition and atheism: “Ambition is my only religion”.”

“Only here did you feel compelled to somehow justify anything short of rabidity for your career; only here did you have to apologize for having faith in something other than yourself.” 

“It was like any relationship, he felt - it took constant pruning, and dedication, and vigilance, and if neither party wanted to make the effort, why wouldn’t it wither?”

“The standard interpretation of the first lien was “I am lost to the world,” but he read it as “I have become lost to the world,” which, he believed, was less self-pitying, less melodramatic, and more resigned, more confused. I have become lost to the world / In which I otherwise wasted so much time. (…) But he understood, primally almost, the concept of losing, of loosing oneself from the world, of disappearing into a different place, one of retreat and safety, of the twinned yearnings of escape and discovery.” 

“’You mustn’t indulge this tendency to self-mythologize’” 

“Friendship was witnessing another’s slow drip of miseries, and long bouts of boredom, and occasional triumphs.” 

“On one side is everything he knows, the patterns of his existence as regular and banal as the steady plink of a dripping faucet, where he is alone but safe, and shielded from everything that could hurt him. On the other side are waves, tumult, rainstorms, excitement: everything he cannot control, everything potentially awful and ecstatic, everything he has lived his adult life trying to avoid, everything whose absence bleeds his life of color.” 

“’We have still not reached the end of our trials. One more labor lies in store - boundless, laden with danger ,great and long, and I must brave it out from start to finish.’” 

“(…) he was worried because to be alive was to worry. Life was scary; it was unknowable. ( …) Life would happen to him, and he would have to try to answer it, just like the rest of them. They all (…) sought comfort, something that was theirs alone, something to hold off the terrifying largeness, the impossibility of the world, of the relentlessness of its minutes, its hours, its days.” 

“He had looked at Jude, then, and had felt that same sensation he sometimes did when he thought, really thought of Jude and what his life had been: a sadness, he might have called it, but it wasn’t a pitying sadness; it was a larger sadness, one that seemed to encompass all the poor striving people, the billions he didn’t know, all living their lives, a sadness that mingled with a wonder and awe at how hard humans everywhere tried to live, even when their days were so very difficult, even when their circumstances were so wretched. Life is so sad, he would think in those moments. It’s so sad, and yet we all do it. We all cling to it; we all search for something to give us solace.” 

[bloodypapercut]

despise (f.w. x reader)

this is my first fic! yayy! i hope all you angels enjoy. have a wonderful day or night and take care of your beautiful selves! :)

word count: 4.5k 

I despised Fred Weasley. Upon this discovery, I always questioned the veracity of my feelings towards him. It was never in my nature to be hateful, if anything I was known for being kind, caring, and helpful. Perhaps at times, I could be a little aloof, but that was simply due to the fact that my mind was always elsewhere. Never in my life had I felt so strongly about someone, better yet hate someone so fervently. Oftentimes I would feel guilty for scoffing at every remark he made, or rolling my eyes when he would flash his infamous coquettish smile. I abhorred him, it’s not like I made the decision to by my own volition, I couldn’t help it. I’m aware of how this sounds, a typical loathsome teenager who hated the boy who has attention, the boy who has people falling at his feet, the boy with a lot of friends and a close family. It wasn’t that, no not at all. I had my reasons.

--------

   I had never been more excited. I could barely keep the grin off my face as my legs swung back and forth, my heels hitting the seat. It was my first time being away from home, my desire to practice my independence as an 11-year-old was being fulfilled by the second. Looking out the window as the trees grew thicker and predictions of what the year could hold running through my mind a repulsive scent filled my cabin, thick smoke cloaked my vision and settled on my skin and robes. My violent coughs and labored breathing created a cacophony as the sound of hushed giggling and footsteps sounded from outside the door. My shaking hands made haste to dust off the soot, horrified of what others would think of me when I arrived at Hogwarts. A dirty and poor mudblood. I had expected the worst after hearing the stories my mother told me from working at the ministry, how could anyone disrespect someone I loved so dearly? The fear of being called out in such a hostile way and being looked down upon by potential friends caused my chest to tighten and sobs to violently rack my body. Not to mention the guilt I felt for getting my brand new robes dirty, especially knowing my mother worked extra shifts to get them.

   Stepping out of the Hogwarts express I was met with a tall man, guiding me along with other students to the boats. The soot hadn’t disappeared completely but I had gotten as much as I could off. The boat ride was pleasant. I had acquainted with a girl named Luna along the way, she was an idiosyncratic girl but I appreciated her kindness and her curious comments about sea creatures. I felt relieved that someone was talking to me without judging me based on my appearance, but the sadness I felt about my dirty robes still lingered over me.

   Looking up at the enchanted sky of the great hall I’ve never felt so enthralled by something. It was just as wonderful as my mom had described, I couldn’t wait to write to her all about it. But as I approached the front of the hall I felt dread put a weight around my ankles, I would have to stand up in front of everyone with my soiled robes. My uneasiness produced a scowl on my face and I could have sworn the familiar giggling was right behind me, but as I whipped my head around there was no one that seemed to be responsible for it.

“Now, when I call your names I will ask you to come forward, be seated on the stool, be sorted by the sorting hat, and after you will continue to your house table.”

I felt guilty that I wasn’t paying attention to my peers being sorted but my unease wracked at me, the ends of my sweater tangling between my fingers and the heel of my shoe being ground against the tiled floor.

“Y/N L/N”

Sighing I stepped forward, the giggles resonating once again making me stumble slightly. The lady at the front, whose name I had failed to remember, gave me a tight smile and waited for me to be seated. As the weight of the sorting hat pressed against my head I saw it. A trio of boys, 2 identical and one with dreads giggling, their soot covered hands coming up to their faces as they analyzed my robes. They must’ve felt my gaze because one of the twins and the boy with dreads stopped, but one continued, only laughing harder and looking right back at me. There, that was the moment I knew I would end up hating this ginger boy.

I had been so preoccupied with burning holes into his eyes that I had failed to recognize the incessant tapping on my shoulder and the dying cheers of the students sitting on a table at the far right of the room. Snapping my head towards the stern lady behind me. I hopped off the seat and rushed to the table that I assumed belonged to my house, which I didn’t know since I wasn’t listening. My face grew warm and my hands became sweaty with how tight my fists were clenched. I sat down quietly, never taking my eyes off that git.

That’s how he ruined my first highlight at Hogwarts.

--------

My second year was going just as I had planned. I had been practicing for Quidditch during the summer with my best mates Cho, Graham, and Julian (as Luna tried to befriend the gnomes, which didn’t end so pleasantly). I was convinced that I had improved greatly since my first chaotic flying lesson at Hogwarts. I was so sure of my skills, that I was unperturbed about trying out for my house team. That was a big mistake.

Going into compromising situations with nonchalance, knowing that the Weasley twins are in the same vicinity as you is a foolish, doltish mistake that anyone can be a victim to. I had been a victim to many of the playful endeavours during my first year and I thought that it was all over. Maybe they were mature now and knew when to stop. Thinking about it now makes me laugh, what a pretty lie I told myself.

It was the final cut for the team and I smiled as I gripped my broom, ignoring the splinter that found a place to reside in my thumb. The captain walked around smiling softly at all of us as she explained what the final tryout would entail. I clung to every word and as soon as she asked for a volunteer, my hand soared.

Tendrils of hair whipped around my face as I bolted to get the quaffle and shoot it into a hoop. I could hear words of praise from my friends on the ground and it only made me go a little faster, smiling as the quaffle passed by me. In an instant I spun my broom around, sending the ball flying to a hoop as the end struck it. I continued playing, doing tricks to show the captain I belonged on the team, I was so captured and focused that I didn’t notice the ball of fire that was in front of me, I also didn’t notice the screaming and shouts of warning from the ground but even when I did it was too late. Being faced with the fire ball it took me by surprise causing me to slip off my broom and fall a rough 20 feet from the sky.

The sound of a crack should have been the main sound that plagued my ears but it wasn’t, the pain radiating in my arm should have been enough for me to realize my arm could have been broken but it also wasn’t. At that moment I was verklempt because all I could hear was that notorious giggle and all I felt was a ferocious vindictive ball of anger swelling inside of me. In that moment I was certain that I deplored that Weasley boy.  

“L/N are you okay??”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine let me just get back on my broom and finish my try out. Please, I really wanna make the team.”

“No! Are you mental? You can't! You have to go to Madam Pomfrey now.”

“No please let me finish, I have to make the team.”

“You’re on the team kid, you’re talented but for the love of Merlin please go your arm looks horrible.”

--------

The stems of the flowers felt smooth in my hand and the soft petals grazed my nose as I inhaled its scent. I had never been given this much attention by someone and I had to admit it felt good. Getting mysterious notes everyday, serendipitous boxes of sweets on my bed and something to giggle about with my friends. The only thing that was covert was who it was coming from. I knew how they felt about me, I knew they were in all my classes and I knew that he was a Hufflepuff. I felt excited coming to my dorm, anticipating a note on my bedside table or a flower on my pillow. It all seemed a little too good to be true, and a part of me nagged, telling me it was just another Weasley prank.

After reading copious articles about wolfsbane, due to Snape’s unreasonable wrath, my head felt numb. I dragged my feet to reach my common room and after answering the riddle I stepped through the entrance ready to fling myself onto the couch.

“Hey.” It was James Abernathy, my seat partner in potions and herbology, and he was in all my other classes. His presence confused me, he wasn’t permitted into this common room, he was a Hufflepuff. Upon this realization, a ball of excitement spun in my body. Could it possibly be him? He was the epitome of my dream guy, but with my history in Hogwarts my gut told me that this was too good to be true.

“...hi? What would you need?”

“Actually can I speak to you outside?”

“Uh..yeah? Sure I guess.” He nodded curtly and walked towards to exit, letting me trail behind him. Thoughts flooded quickly, leaving me in anticipation for what he would possibly have to say to me. The idea of it being him excited me, but he had a bit of a reputation. Not that I thought he was incapable of holding interest in someone for longer than a week, it just seemed unlikely that it would be me of all people.

“It’s me.”He chuckled softly and ran a hand through his hair, the veins being accentuated as he tugged at the ends lightly.

I remained silent, awfully confused and in disbelief.

“You?” He nods quickly. My head was spinning and I couldn’t pinpoint how I felt or how to react. How could it be collected, witty, dallying and charming James Abertnathy, has taken an interest in me? It was hard to believe, it was so unlikely that I just knew it was too good to be true. Someone like me never goes with someone like James, that’s just how it is. Despite that my judgement was clouded by excitement, never had anything so romantic occurred in my life, the thought of having someone like James as a partner was a dream I thought I deserved to live out.

“Wow, that’s lovely um..”

“So what do you say to a day at Hogsmeade?” The echo of his footsteps sounded as he drew nearer to hold my limp hands in his, running his thumb over my knuckles.

“She says no, more into redheads you see.” My neck could have snapped with the velocity at which my head turned. Of course, of course he had to be just around the corner. Of course he had to be hiding behind a pillar, probably running away from Filch after terrorizing an innocent student or professor. How could I be so blind, so naive? I couldn’t have anything good, because he existed. Looking up I was met with the smile that seemed to frequent his face, he waved comically as James huffed and walked away. I couldn’t help the quiver of my lip as I watched him revel in the joy he got from terrorizing me.

“W-why would you do that?” I couldn’t meet his eyes, but I could feel them on me. I couldn’t stand to look at him because I knew if I did I'd slap him so hard that even the lines on my hands would be imprinted on his face for weeks.  

“Because he wanted 15 galleons and you wanted him, it would have never worked darling.” Fred was lying, I knew it. James was popular but not an absolute prick. He lost interest in people, he didn’t place bets on them. 

“What are you on about? He..he wouldn’t.”

“Oh but he would, 15 galleons is one hell of a price.” He chortled, patting my head. I had gotten used to his belittling comments and I usually remained stoic, but it hurt hearing I was worth nothing more than 15 galleons, and hearing him confirm that just hurt even more.

“What did I ever do to you? Why do you hate me so much? Ever since I got here you’ve been nothing but hellish to me. I’ve done nothing to you, I’ve never even had a full conversation with you! Merlin, this is the most we’ve ever spoken so please, Fred,  just tell me what it is I’ve done so I can apologize and you can bloody stay away from me.” My breath hitched, my hands shook and I felt disappointed in myself for losing my composure.

“Nothing! You’ve done nothing at all it’s just-” His continuous patting on my head had stopped and his hand rested on my shoulder, which I shrugged off immediately upon realizing its presence.

“What? Just what, what could I have possibly done for me to deserve this. Do you know that I have never written to my mother about a single good thing that has happened to me here, and you know why? It’s because of you! You selfish git!”

“Listen the only reason I did those things was because I wanted your attention.”

“And why on earth would you want that?”

“Isn’t it obvious I fancy you, like a lot?” He threw his head back lightly as he crossed his arms. His nonchalance was palpable, and I just knew that he thought he had won, he thought that I would suddenly change my demeanor and drop to my knees thanking Merlin he liked me. Unfortunately for him, he was dead wrong, sure he was attractive, very in fact but his personality made him the most repulsive and hideous human I could ever be faced with.

“Oh? Really? You’re going to pull that card? So you’re telling me the reason you were an insufferable twat for 3 years, was because you were too much of a coward to divulge your feelings? I find that very hard to believe, you’re practically known to be brazen without fail so why?”

“Because you’re you! You’re known to be indifferent, how would I ever get you to feel strongly about me in any way when you disregard everyone who tries to get close to you?”

“Well uh I don't know?! Maybe have a conversation with me? Ask me about my day? You could have done literally anything other than cause affliction on me for years. You ruined some of the best possible moments of my life, and I’m not going to let some sodding excuse of you liking me disregard that!”

“Love, please just lis-”

“I am not your love and I will not listen! What on earth did I expect from you? How could I be so stupid?! You’re right, you’re you and I’m me. And I know that I would never do anything to merit the havoc I’ve had to endure and I know that you’re only treating me like rubbish because you’re a bored little boy, who doesn’t ever get enough attention so you have to terrorize innocent people to fulfill some fantasy of achievement and success. A fantasy I know you will never achieve because you care about nothing but ruining the lives of others.”

He looked back at me vacantly, and for the first time, I knew that I had gotten the upper hand. In a way it felt good, it was like the revenge I’d been craving for years. Yet the other half of me knew it was wrong, to berate someone so zealously without listening to their side. I knew I had gone overboard and I knew the guilt would consume me later, but the memories of reading the first letter my mom had owled me fled in. The overwhelming guilt I had felt for asking her for new robes after the soot wouldn’t get out, the embarrassment of nearly missing the team from falling off my broom due to a fireball, and the insecurity I currently felt, after hearing that I’m worth only 15 galleons prevented me from holding back. I felt too much and had too little time to process it.

“Please just-”

“Fred, do you not understand what I’m saying? You’ve never failed to humiliate me and you’ve regarded me with nothing but disdain and contempt, I never said anything because I wanted to be polite but you know what? You don't deserve my patience or manners. You’ve never listened to anyone but your thick obdurate skull, but you know what you’re going to listen to me and you’re going to listen well. I HATE YOU! Now leave me alone.” I stormed off muttering the answer to the riddle once more and rushed to my dorm shutting the door and curling under my blanket. I could hear the footsteps of my roommate apprehensively approaching me. Her hand resting on my arm.

“Fred?”

“Fred.”

“Git.”

I felt nothing but guilt as I fell asleep that night. Fred was still human and though he was horrible to me, I could understand why he did those things, though they weren’t justified and I would personally never do it. Ron had told me before about how his brother was, how he really was a good person. Someone driven, thoughtful, kind, and creative. How he was a great older brother, especially to Ginny. I realized how hurtful my words were, and I regretted them immensely. 

--------

Hermione and Ron never failed to put on a spectacle for everyone around them. Whether it be arguing about the definition of a word or how barbaric wizards chess is, they always disagreed. So it wasn’t a real surprise when I walked in the great hall for breakfast when I heard their strident bickering from halfway across the room. Walking closer to them, the words they threw at each other became distinguishable.

“‘Mione- no! Listen, you’re not listening I’m telling you he does he really does!!”

“You never fail to prove your fatuous way of thinking Ronald. I mean I would understand literally anyone else, I mean she’s all angel but not him. He’s absolutely horrible to her. Why would you think such a thing?” Deciding to be nosy and sit here instead of my house table I sat next to Harry, nudging his shoulder as he snickered.

“Fancy seeing you here.” He nodded, handed me a roll and pushed his cup of pumpkin juice towards me.

“Any idea what they’re on about?”

“An inkling.” He smirked.

“Not talking huh?”

“Mhmm. Just listen I’m sure you’ll find out.”

“He’s my brother, I know how he is around people he likes- loves. He’s an arse to us, yeah, it’s in his nature, but behind our backs he would do anything for us. He just doesn’t want us knowing.”

“Oh wow Ronald, you’re gonna compare his love for you to his ‘love’ for her? How ridiculous.”

“No-bloody hell no! Don’t twist my words, what I’m saying is I know what he’s trying to do. The amount of times he’s stood up for her behind her back, you’d think he’s her puppy. Do you know how many people he’s hexed and pranked for her. Remember he gave Flint boils for a month after he called her a mudblood after a match? Or when he beat up Mullard...and Nilesmith and- Merlin I could go on and on. C’mon, he’d never do that for someone he hated.”

“Okay fine maybe...since when did you care so much about the relationships of others?”

“She’s our best friend! And he’s a git that needs to be calmed down, but you know he never does so if we end this now it’ll be better for all of us.”

“Wow Ron, you’ve unlocked the capacity to sympathize with other humans.”

I knew it was about Fred, and I knew it was about me.

Swallowing the unchewed bite of bread in my mouth and gulping down the rest of Harry’s juice I rushed out of the great hall, not in the mood to be reminded of Fred. Not in the mood to process what I had just heard. 

--------

The Triwizard Tournament. A time for friendship, unity and excitement. Ever since the Beauxbaton girls and Durmstrang boys came to Hogwarts the energy had been different. Something promising lingered in the air. Things truly felt different this year, and I’m sure they would be. There was so much to look forward to. New friends, the tournament itself and the Yule Ball. My excitement and joy for the new school year couldn’t be smothered, even by the fact that I had detention every evening for 2 weeks. I suppose reading in the restricted section after hours wasn’t the wisest thing, especially considering it wasn’t my first time getting caught. So here I was, using a brush no bigger than my pinky to polish cauldrons, the bristles getting thick and grimy from the remaining ingredients left in the dents of the cast iron. Humming to myself I let my thoughts wander to how exhilarating the ball will be, how fun it will be to dance with all of my friends, how pleasant it will be dressed up. Nothing could possibly spoil that not even Fred Weasley, I wouldn’t allow it.

   It had been at least an hour, my hands were cramped and I was anticipating the completion of my 30 minutes left until I could rush to my dorm. I had finished cleaning and now I was left sitting here, vacantly twirling the brush with my fingers. The minutes couldn’t possibly go slower but as I heard the offbeat footsteps that I had grown accustomed to looking out for I knew that my night was going to be much longer than anticipated. Once I heard them I knew to evacuate, but being stuck in the trophy room I had no choice but to stay, Snape’s unreasonable derision wasn’t worth the fuss. The tiny brush I was forced to clean threatened to snap as my grip tightened. When the footsteps came to a halt, the unease in the room multiplied by 5. Without a word, there was the sound of shuffling, a drawer being opened and a brush being grabbed. It took 10 dreadful minutes for him to finally speak. As soon as the first syllable dripped from his mouth I couldn’t hold back a sigh, of relief or apprehension, I’m not sure.

“So what color are you wearing to the ball?”

“Sod off Weasley.” I grumbled, straightening my back. Another 10 minutes of silence followed.

“I’m sorry...I know I’ve been a foul, detestable and painfully foolish ass. I know that whatever I do it will never be enough to prove that I never had any bad intent behind my actions. I know you think I’m a no-good inconsiderate twat who doesn’t care about anyone, that I’m bound to fail and I deserve that. The things I’ve done to you are absolutely horrible. But Y/N please, please believe me, I never did any of that to harm you. Just please give me one chance, just one and I swear if I mess it up I will leave you alone forever.” I barely understood a word he said, it was so rapid but I clung onto everyone as best as I could.

“Why should I?”

“It’s selfish, to ask for so much after all I’ve done but I know that you’re the most intelligent, kind, resilient and beautiful person I’ve ever encountered. And my feelings towards you aren’t enough to ever justify what I’ve done. I know that I have ruined every year of your time here, but please please please give me one chance to make the rest of your years remarkable. To let you live out the highlights you deserve, so you can write to your mother about how much fun you had going to hogsmeade, or how amazing the Yule Ball was, or-”

“You’re asking me to the ball?”

“If you’ll have me.” My breath hitched and I let my brush drop, and for the first time since that night I had divulged my hatred for him, I looked him in the eye as I stepped closer. I remained silent and did nothing but look at him, every twitch of his eye, every rise and fall of his chest, I had to see it, I had to make sure this wasn’t some elaborate game that he wanted me to lose at. It must’ve been at least 5 minutes because  his face dropped and his chest deflated,  he turned to leave but before he could I ran in front of him. Nodding my head yes, I held his face, running my thumb over his freckled cheek.

“This is for Flint.” I whispered as I slowly neared his face, pressing a kiss to his forehead after brushing his hair to the side. His arm wrapped around my waist.

“Mullard.” Another to each of his temples.

“Nilesmith.” The tip of his nose.

“And every other person you stood up against for me, even after everything I said to you and even though I never knew about any of it.” The corner of his mouth. His eyelashes flutter against my cheek.

“And this is for taking me to the ball.” I looked into his eyes, searching for confirmation that it was alright to continue, he squeezed my wrist in confirmation. It was warm and sweet, safe and pure. It was filled with passion, all the things we have yet to admit to the other was translated into this moment. I wanted him to feel the admiration I had for his confidence to stand up for the ones he loved to whoever defied them, every freckle on his face, every laugh that would emerge from the back of his throat, the calluses on his hands, the determination in his heart, the respect and love he had for everyone, hidden behind all of his playful antics. We pulled apart, laughing softly and refusing to let go of each other. Our foreheads pressed together and we hugged tightly, our arms refusing to release the other. I had never felt so warm, so elated, so appreciated. It was odd, especially coming from him, but I accepted it. I had never accepted any feelings towards Fred that were positive, but now I let them in freely without shame or denial.

“I can’t believe I used to despise you.”

[jadoue1999]

Wanda and the life she deserved (she’ll make sure of it) Chapter 9

Summary:  This chapter is about Monica and why she wants to help Wanda so much. It also follows the post credit scene of episode 7 and a little of the finale.

Previous part: chapter 1,  chapter 2 , chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9, chapter 10, chapter 11, epilogue

Chapter 9: Rambeau

Ever since her talk with Wanda, Monica was even more determined to help the woman. She had had her own painful experience after finding out her mother had lived two more years, only for her cancer to come back. It had taken her multiple days to really accept that she could have had more time with her, had the blip not happened. Also, adjusting to a universe that was five years ahead of her had been a challenge. Everything was different, not only culturally or technologically, but even in spots she had thought untouchable. Her favorite shop her and her mom used to go to escape the everyday stress of life was now gone. The owners were blipped, they had come back to find an empty lot that once contained their whole life. Monica, not one to dwell too much, decided that it would be better to move. Her apartment only served as a reminder that her mother truly was gone. Maria had probably wandered the same walls trying to convince herself that her daughter would come back only to succumb without finding out she was right all along. So, she had changed town, one closer to S.W.O.R.D. headquarters, that way, she could concentrate on more assignments. She had tried going to therapy, the world had offered counseling for those who came back. Monica had found it unfortunate that no one seemed to consider that some needed more than just talking out their feelings. As much as she understood why they limited their service to this, the entire world was grieving after all, she just wished there were more options.

She had instead focused on getting herself back together and forming a new world for herself. She had tried socializing, but every conversation eventually ended up talking about lost opportunities and the grief people or their loved one had endured. She bought books of the latest invention and discovery, trying to understand the world who moved on without her. She had eventually settled her finances with the bank, her position at S.W.O.R.D. gave her priority over the everyday citizens. She was part of the lucky ones, her mother’s hope had kept her from claiming her life insurance, which made things a lot easier since she didn’t have to restart her life with a debt. While she wasn’t at peace with what happened to her mother, she decided to come back to her work. She couldn’t take the days alone, being assaulted by advertisements about fake opportunities offered by scam artists looking to make quick money on the web.

So, after three weeks of trying to adjust in a grieving world, she was back at S.W.O.R.D. headquarters. She was then assigned to the Westview anomaly which opened a whole new world of weird. Being mind controlled by Wanda had been one of the strangest things she had ever experienced. She was expected to hate her once she had been pulled out; but she couldn’t bring herself to. The avenger wasn’t doing this out of hate, but out of grief. She had felt her pain, one that was so similar to her own. The whole experience only made her more certain of her future: she had to help Wanda Maximoff.

...

That’s why even after being clearly shown that Wanda didn’t want her help, she decided to stick around. Agnes was definitely suspicious; she knew Wanda was grieving and seemed to want to keep it that way. Luckily, Wanda’s brother had intervened. That was another thing, who was he? He wasn’t on the resident board and he definitely wasn’t the real Pietro; she had seen the footage of Ultron. They didn’t even look similar. Yet Wanda seemed determined to keep him at her side and he seemed convinced that they truly were twins. She felt for the man, the mind control of the town definitely wasn’t a pleasant experience.

There were whispers of newcomers on the base the same day she, Jimmy and Darcy had been kicked out. She didn’t have time to learn much, but Hayward didn’t like them. Then again, he didn’t like most people that wasn’t directly on his team or that obeyed him without questions. Still, their arrival had ruffled some feathers, the identification process was made even more of a priority. She guessed that they were part of the many agencies that dealt with insurance and were trying to prepare for the storm of paperwork coming after the Hex would be brought down. As far as she knew, the counseling offered only covered the effect of the blip, not the after effect of being mind controlled by a grieving avenger.

After being pushed away, Monica wasn’t sure where to go. She walked around aimlessly; last time she was in town it was the 70s. Now, the advertisements were different, and everyone were dressed in the 2010s. She had to admit how impressive it was that Wanda was able to rewrite reality like that. She saw Herb, or John Collins, according to the citizen chart. He was watering his backyard and taking care of his garden, something he’d been a fan of even when she was part of the town. She didn’t see many other of the ‘main cast’, but she did see a few couples. Still no children, like Vision had pointed out on the last episode she saw on the base. The Halloween one didn’t count since she missed most of it trying to hide on her own base. After about half an hour, she decided that Wanda had probably calmed down. She had to talk to her again, she had begun to form a connection, she knew she could make Wanda see reason. She walked over to her house, but soon realized that nobody was there. Instead of going after her, she decided to investigate Agnes’ house. She looked through the windows, but not much was happening. The TV was on, but no one was watching it. She went in the back, perhaps she could find clues there. After watching through the windows and still not finding anything, she spotted a cellar.

She walked over and examined the door before opening it. She found what looked like vines that escalated the walls. She could see them glowing a deep purple, probably had something to do with her newfound powers. They seemed to give her the ability to see energy field that surrounded her. She was about to step inside when she felt a sudden gush of air.

“Snoopers gonna snoop,” came a voice next to her.

She gasped as she took in the person. It was the man who was cast at Pietro, only, he seemed off. Like he was doing something he didn’t want to. Before she could ask him anything, he grabbed her arm and the back of her neck. In a blur, they were in the house. Nausea suddenly hit, she grabbed onto a nearby table to stabilize herself.

“Give it a few minutes, it’ll pass,” reassured the man. “Happens with everyone.”

“W-who are you?” She asked once her head had stopped spinning.

“I’m Pietro, I thought you knew that?” She stared at him; something was strange about him. He seemed so kind, why would he help Agnes?

“That’s not what I mean,” she started. “It might be hard, but the mind control usually let you access a few memories of your true identity. You just need to concentrate.”

The man looked at her with a confused look. Seeing that she wasn’t getting anywhere, she tried running out of the room, but he stopped her only a few steps away from the window. He put a hand in front of him, with one finger, she was catapulted back onto the couch. The force of the impact knocked the breath out of her.

The man looked at Monica, “I’m sorry, I can’t let you out of here. T-the witch, whatever she is, she has my nephews. I have to keep you here or they get hurt.”

She smiled at his comment, relieved he wasn’t just another villain. “You truly care about them, don’t you?”

The man turned to look outside the empty street before answering, “of course, they’re family.”

“You truly can’t remember?” Monica looked at Pietro, who once again looked confused at her questions. “Nothing here is real, Wanda is giving everyone fake identity, giving them roles to fill. You’re no different.”

“What? Of course not, Wanda’s not like that.”

“Please, think about your life before Westview. Pietro Maximoff died; how can you be here if you were killed?”

“I-I,” He stammered. His confusion was a good sign, he was starting to wake up. He looked at her once again. “Look, I know my sister, she wouldn’t-“

Suddenly, his necklace glowed a scarlet red and his eyes glazed over. He looked disoriented for a second before shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I can’t let you out, my family’s lives are on the line.”

Monica didn’t react to what he said, she was all too focused on the necklace. What was it? It seemed to be controlling him, but what could the jewelry piece do that the Hex couldn’t?

She reached for it but stopped as the man backed off. Realizing how rude she was being, she cleared her throat, “may I?” Hesitantly, the man nodded yes. As she was about to touch it, it glowed red and sent a burning sensation through her hand. She gasped and put her hand in a fist, “I’m sorry, I can’t remove it. Do you remember when you got it?”

He seemed lost in thoughts for a moment before shaking his head, “I’ve just always had it.”

Monica had more questions but screams in the street made them both turn towards the window. Agnes was somehow floating in the air, holding both of the boys with a magical rope. She saw Pietro disappear, only to reappear a second later.

“I can’t get out, there’s a sort of barrier keeping me from leaving.”

She quickly got down the stairs, she was surprised he let her go, considering that his nephews’ life was on the line. She supposed the real threat compared to possible one was a good enough reason. She opened the front door, only to come crashing into a purple barrier. She put her hands on it, it felt strange, it was like... an energy field. She knew she could get rid of it, but she didn’t know how.

“So,” said Pietro, appearing beside her, “how to we get out? Considering we can’t even see the barrier.”

She pushed against it once again, the magic bending to the force but not letting them pass. “I can see it, but I don’t know how to break it.”

They both contemplated their options, but they couldn’t think of many. That is, until Pietro spoke up. “What... what if you synced your powers with the frequency of the barrier?” His eyes seemed slightly foggy, like he was remembering something from long ago. “You keep your hands there, and you concentrate as much as you can. You can match the strength, and slowly increase it until it becomes too much, and it breaks.”

She did as he told her, feeling her way through. Her fingers began to slightly vibrate, increasingly speeding up as her fingertips began to glow blue. After a few seconds, the barrier shattered, and they were free to go. She turned to the man, both surprised and excited that it had worked. “How did you know that would work?”

The man shrugged, “I think I did it once... on glass? Not sure but I definitely remember using this technique.”

She nodded and they ran to Wanda, Agnes, and the twins. The final battle was ready to begin.

...

Notes:  So, we are close to the end! I promise that we will be back to Wanda's point of view after this one, I simply thought more context on Monica couldn't hurt. Also, she doesn't remove the necklace, I figured that if someone had to remove it, in the context of my story at least, it has to be Wanda. Props to those who understood the days of future past reference! Thanks for reading, reviews are appreciated!

[thisisnotourlasthunt]

Today's Weird Thought

Do we even know who the twins' father is? (Haven't read the books in a while, just fics so I might be lost)

Did he know Tilda was pregnant? I doubt Tilda even knew who he was given that the twins are probably Valentines' babies. What would have happened if he did? Would he just leave them, or would he try to contact them? Would he have gone for Andrew during his time in foster care?

Like, I know people think of him as an asshole and etc, but what if he was actually a good guy that was having a bad day and had sex with the first woman that flirted with him and as years passed, he had no idea he was a father?

(Did I write a small story.... yes, yes I did. Is it a bit ooc bc I do not have a good relationship with my father and therefore I've got mixed feelings..... yes, yes it is)

(For the sake of this story, his name is Rob and he is a doctor (orthopaedist :))) ). He's also not a bad guy, he's lowkey nice.)

Rob and his friend are at a bar one night, after a tiring day at the hospital, and there's an exy game playing on one of the televisions on the corners of the bar. Rob was never into Exy, in fact, he was older than the sport, and thanks to that, he never understood it.

"-he can be short, but man is he the best goalkeeper out there," Rob catches his friends conversation with the young bartender.

Rob turns to the television and it shows one of the players, he's blond, short and his eyes are a familiar gold.

"Andrew Minyard," one of the presenters introduce him and shows his stats and basic info.

Rob remembers the name "Minyard" and it doesn't take him long to recognize it thanks of his eidetic memory. It had been one night only, but looking back at Andrew, Rob can see a bit of himself in him. The golden color of Andrew's eyes resembles his, the blond has his nose and lips, and let's not forget the small height.

No, that Andrew guy can't be his.....can it?

Worried and a bit confused, Rob takes his phone out and searches for Andrew's biography. His full name is Andrew Joseph Minyard, he is 5 foot even, has an identical twin and he was born on November 4th 1986.

Rob consults his memory and makes the math just to confirm his thoughts: Andrew was his son. Add to that the fact that Andrew had a twin brother, meaning he not only had one son, but two.

After this discovery, he began researching his sons and learned how both of them had had hard (no, not hard, traumatizing) childhoods and he hadn't known. He feels guilty, would his two sons go through that load of shit if he had known? If he had gone looking for Tilda and stay with her? Why hadn't she contacted him? He had given her his number and yet, and yet he never knew.

Rob knows he could never go to them and present himself as their long lost father, just by reading their biography he knew that wouldn't be welcomed, but he could keep tabs with them.

And so he did, he moved to the city were they both lived and found a job at the hospital where Aaron worked at. They didn't have the same speciality but every now and then, Rob would see Aaron through the halls of the hospital and after a while, they would speak to each other.

Rob went to every home game Andrew had, he was proud of him, he had had a horrible childhood and yet, he kept going and he was alive. The only time they had contact was when Aaron had invited Rob to a small celebration party for Aaron graduating his master's degree. Andrew eyed him for a while, as if he was assessing him before going to him and speaking a few words to each other.

"You didn't know." Andrew deadpanned and Rob immediately knew what he was talking about.

"No I didn't, but I would've liked to." He admits.

"Too late."

"Yeah."

Rob would never have a father-son relationship with the twins, and he hadn't been there for them before, but at least now he's keeping tabs on them.

(He is like an acquaintance for them, he hasn't earned the friend or family role and he probably never will, but at least he's there, in the corner)

[sepublic]

I’ve been binge reading all your amazingly thoughtful analyses and I was wondering, if you could give the Blight Twins their own episode, (like separate one for Edric and one for Emira because I’ve seen how twins don’t want to bunch together all the time and be their own person) what would you want it to be about?

           OH-HO, this is SUCH a flattering ask and I really must thank you for it! It means a lot…

           With Emira, I hate to be obvious, predictable, main-stream, and pick a low-hanging fruit… But I want her to meet Viney. Emira is someone who is concerned the most of the two about having an actual identity on her own, and this likely includes making friends… So why not go get to know the Detention Kids, who are already rebellious in their own way, but while still managing to flex their individuality?

           Just imagine an episode of Emira getting to know Viney, maybe wanting to be close… But Viney, well. She’s someone who’s defensive because she’s been hurt in the past, and after what she’s heard of the Blights and Emira’s penchant for illusions, she is rightfully going to be suspicious. So we’ll have Emira possibly wanting to abuse the Secret Room of Shortcuts for pranks, but then Viney wants to preserve it mostly as an educational tool, and Emira doesn’t CARE for education…

           And this could lead to Em perhaps being too dismissive and even harsh towards Viney, because she seems like someone who while she tries to self-reflect, she sometimes doesn’t fully realize when she’s just parroting her parents’ abuse. And so we have Emira learning to be more mature and straight-forward, to cease the pranks and mind Viney’s feelings and uncertainty… Being truthful and tender to lower her guard, and Emira actually having to openherself to another person that isn’t Edric.

          Perhaps Em admits WHY she’s like this to Viney, who also introduces her side of the story… And they get to be actual friends! Emira learns to respect who Viney is as well as her interests, Viney gives Em a chance and lets her in figuratively AND literally… Maybe Emira even discovers an actual enjoyment of certain classes beyond Illusions! Or she doesn’t, but either way she may not be too much like Viney, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be friends! And not being like someone she’s close to is… HONESTLY what Emira was aiming for, only now she can still respect these differences too!

          As for Edric…

          Edric is a dude who prioritizes companionship over all-else. But he’s also kind of a goofy kid sometimes, and that’s worth noting. Depending on how Lilith’s character development goes, and how she ALSO was someone who was clingy towards her own sister and didn’t respect Eda’s autonomy as an individual to be her own person, insisting that being together mattered most… I’d LOVE to see Lilith perhaps give Edric a few pointers on this, maybe here them talk about their feelings of crippling loneliness! Let Ed get to be a dumb kid sometimes while Lilith isn’t sure what to make of his antics while Luz just enables him. It’d be amazing to see Lilith and Edric talk about their respective relationship towards Amity…

          Ed knowing this is the lady Amity looked up to, having had reservations because she was a bootlicker; But then Lilith threw it all away –albeit not entirely willingly- for Eda and Luz! So, maybe she IS good for something after all…! Meanwhile, Lilith possibly knows of Amity’s occasional issues with her twin siblings…

          And she thinks of her own time with Eda. So, she decides to impart some wisdom to Edric, about how you should always love your sibling and never go too far, while still letting them be a person… And somewhere along the way, Edric realizes this wouldn’t just apply to him and Amity, but him and Emira too.

          Then Lilith and Edric form a found-family bond, maybe Ed accidentally calls her Mom as well… Maybe even Lilith lets him have fun with King and Owlbert, because the kid wanted pets as a child but never got them because of his strict parents! Not sure how King would feel about Edric though, but I could also imagine them getting into some WEIRD antics alongside Luz! And come to think of it…

          Maybe a pet WOULD help Edric’s issues, though unfortunately I can’t really see Lilith being able to help by getting in a good word with the Blight Parents given her, um, employment status. And if Edric could just get away with hiding a pet through illusions, he’d have probably done it by now, so. On another note, Lilith and Edric both wear glasses (or at least Lilith used to), so I’d LOVE to see the two become more comfortable about doing that around each other.

          For either twin, maybe both, I’d also like to explore their thoughts on Willow… They knew she was Amity’s best friend, but did they know WHY Amity cut ties? They seemed legit concerned in Lost in Language over the way ‘Amity treats people’, so I think the twins had worries about Amity pushing away her best friend like that, potentially because of their parents (though to what degree they had no idea)! Not to mention, how do the Twins feel about Boscha…?

          Boscha is ALSO a trouble-maker, and a bit of a bully herself; Though I don’t think to the same extent as Ed and Em were, and arguably without as much of a reason for it. This was someone Amity hung around with for years, do they know it was against her will? Surely the Twins realized how little Amity smiled around Boscha and her posse, did they have concerns that Amity was being too cold to them, not realizing Amity was forced to hang out with them to begin with?

          How do they feel about Boscha and Amity being on bad terms, about the former breaking the latter’s leg… And what was Boscha’s perspective on the two, and how Amity disliked them? Maybe Ed and Em are harsh towards Boscha for the Grudgby incident, but then they also seem pretty open-minded when it comes to people outside of their family… So maybe they consider Boscha’s side of the story and how Amity WAS cold to her and the others. And maybe the twins learn about what their parents ordered, and tell Boscha to give some peace of mind for her, to give closure…

          Sure it hurts for Boscha to hear Amity never DID like her, but in this case, it really IS for her own good. Maybe it’ll be like Understanding Willow, only instead of Luz it’s Ed and Em, and instead of Willow it’s Boscha; Perhaps we learn more of Boscha’s background, and we get to see her and Amity reconcile, perhaps with Boscha finally learning to respect Willow and Luz on Amity’s behalf… Or they at least acknowledge that both were put into a messed-up situation, a false and thus unhealthy friendship, and decide to leave without any grudges. Who knows?

           I’d honestly love to see Ed and Em perhaps act as like… surrogate older siblings to Boscha, because now they get to make more friends outside of the family (and at least their parents can’t disapprove of Boscha), and they talk about their own mutual concerns and thoughts of Amity, with the twins vouching for Amity while at the same time considering what Boscha has to say and relaying that… Maybe the twins, who are willing to be self-aware, even if they’re not the best at it, tell Boscha to cut out the bullying, that she doesn’t need to be on top or be beholden to what anyone else says!

          I think it’d be sweet, honestly, and I’d love to see more of Boscha’s friends for that matter! Because we know that while Amity was never close to any of them, she’s still an inherently good person and thus felt bad about injuring them in Grudgby; Especially since to Amity’s perspective, she’s no doubt been ‘lying’ to Boscha about their friendship, even if it wasn’t her fault!

          But, yeah… Sorry for getting a little off-topic, but given how much this show stresses relationships and found family, and blood-family being obligated to RESPECT the found family of their relatives… I just think it’d be fascinating to see, on top of Emira and Edric having their own personal journeys of self-discovery! Because as we see with Luz, being your own individual doesn’t mean cutting ties from everyone else, and arguably…

          Making new connections can HELP one make an identity! Because you still choose to make connections not out of obligation, need, and situation… But because it’s what you want and it’s all YOU as a result, because desires are a reflection of a person! And maybe then, Emira and Edric can go back to being Twins and closest friends, now closer than ever in a healthy sense, because now they’re still their own individuals and respect one another as such, and are fine with letting each other be people!

          That they know who they are, and so the Twins don’t need to worry about losing sight of that identity whenever they hang around, because in the end… While MAYBE some of their closeness came as a result of having no one else and needing companionship against their parents, I really do believe that Emira and Edric, despite potential fears suggesting otherwise, DO love and enjoy one another’s company and always will, perhaps more than they do others’! And as long as they’re their own people, that wouldn’t even be a bad thing, honestly…

          Just, the idea of Emira and Edric trying to figure out who they are separate from one another, and in learning so, their bond with each other becomes even stronger and healthier! That they become more comfortable, and more close, because they can afford to be truly honest without worrying about losing the other and having nobody else!

          Once the confusion of who they are is cleared, the Blight Twins can go back to enjoying one another unconditionally, neither worrying about being different nor the same! Just natural sibling love…! No more concern about losing oneself amidst the other, because Emira and Edric are truly their own people now, and thus they aren’t dependent upon one another and can be fully healthy to each other!

          Maybe by the end of their respective journeys, Emira and Edric learn to respect the wishes of one another, while still staying the same… With Edric realizing that he can’t hold onto Emira possessively, and Emira recognizing Edric’s genuine love and concern for her, that she doesn’t need to ‘cut ties’ to be her own person!

          …Look, I just have FEELINGS about these twins, because they’re the children of the Blight Parents and that alone implies issues, but we already SEE a few concerning things, and I just want them to reconcile after Grom and heal from the pain of rejection! Them being stood up is the last we see of Emira and Edric both in terms of official content and chronology, I demand CLOSURE and emotional reparations for these kids!

[bigasswritingmagnet]

When History Comes Calling, Ch 4/14

art by @snuffes

Fandom: Mass Effect Rating: Teen Pairing: none, some background FShep/Garrus

Summary: In 2170, Mindoir was attacked by slavers. Hundreds were taken  captive, hundreds more were slaughtered. Kiryn was the only Shepard to  make it out alive. For years, he buried his grief, kept his head high,  and did whatever he needed to survive.He survived Mindoir and the batarians and when the Reapers came he survived them too.

But  when the war ends and he escapes his batarian masters to the Citadel,  the discovery that his twin sister is alive and well might just be the  thing that breaks him. The Hegemony's greatest assassin will remember  what it means to have something to lose.

---

Kiryn’s hand shot up and closed tightly around a wrist, earning him a startled yelp. Not an assassin then. Or at least, not a good one.

He opened his eyes and let go of the nurse’s hand.

“What happened?” he asked. His head felt strange.

“You had a panic attack during the surgery,” the nurse said. This was a different one, not the one who had been so insistent on the anaesthesia. He was glad for that. That one seemed like the sort of person who would be smug about being right.

A panic attack?

“I don’t get those.” Kiryn kept too tight a hold on himself and his emotions. He was in control, always. He sat up and caught a glimpse of his reflection in the window. Not a trace of emotion to be seen on his face.

And yet, there was something different. Something in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.

“It’s nothing to feel ashamed of,” was the soothing reply. “Lots of people get them. You suffered an incredibly traumatic experience. It’s hardly surprising you were triggered by the surgery.”

“It wasn’t--” the surgery, he didn’t say. “I thought--”

I saw my dead sister .

His heart began to pound, his lungs burning with long-faded smoke. Kiryn forced it all back, back into the darkness, overwritten by the scratchy hospital sheets and the smell of disinfectant over fouler things and the dull throbbing on the back of his head. The surgery had been completed. That was good, at least. Even though he still hated the thought that he had been unconscious for...everything, he wasn’t sure he would be able to try again.

“If you go to the clinic in the refugee camp, they can put you in touch with a therapist,” the nurse suggested. “What you’re experiencing is very normal. They can help you get through it.”

Kiryn , he thought suddenly, and his heart skipped a beat. He’d been thinking of himself as Kiryn . Not as Vondur. He’d been twenty, twenty-one? When he’d picked the name. ‘Kiryn’ had become too much, did not fit with the world to which he now belonged.

And now ‘Vondur’ felt that way; like a suit made for someone else.

“Mr White?”

But ‘Vondur’ had been a deliberate choice. He’d picked it out. Corrected himself when he slipped, until he stopped slipping. ‘Kiryn’ had just...come back, without prompting. When he tried to push it away, tried to drag ‘Vondur’ back into place, he couldn’t. ‘Kiryn’ would not be moved.

“Mr White!”

A brief moment of confusion before he remembered the fake name he had chosen. Too many names, too many identities.

Kiryn looked up at the nurse, who was now looking very worried. He needed to get out of here, before she started insisting he see someone immediately.

What did it matter what he called himself in his head?

“I’ll look into it,” he lied.

Mechanically, he accepted the little bag with wound care instructions and fresh gauze pads, promised to use his biotics as little as possible for the next week, and signed the papers. He barely listened to the nurse as she spoke. No time to waste on worrying over names and memories. His sister was alive. He needed to focus on what this meant for him, for her, for his plans.

Just as the nurse was about to leave, Kiryn spoke up.

“Where can I find a public extranet terminal?”

.

Kiryn couldn’t look at the pictures. He tried. He wanted to get a better look at her face, wanted to see how much of his sister he could recognize. But he couldn’t. Just looking at her military personal photograph made a hollow pit open in his stomach, made his head swim and his mouth go dry.

So he didn’t look at the pictures. It was fine. There was plenty for him to read.

Everybody had something to say about Commander Shepard.

Nearly everybody mentioned the attack on Mindoir at least once. He was not disappointed, necessarily, with the confirmation that only the two of them had survived, he had long since resigned himself to the loss of his family. But Keris’ survival had opened the possibility…

He scrolled further down, looking for the parts he hadn’t lived through. The story of her life whirled past him in a blur: military commendations, N7 status, SPECTRE status, missing in action, miraculous reappearance, disgrace and arrest and--

She had been the one to destroy Aratoht.

Oh, he’d heard about that one alright. Everyone knew it was the Alliance raising the stakes in their endless, unjust campaign against the Hegemony. The batarians had been out for blood, government and civilians alike. Human slaves got the brunt of it, could not pass unnoticed. He’d had to stick to rooftop, out-of-sight missions for--

Well. Right up until the Reapers had arrived.

Shepard was a messiah. A fraud. A terrorist, a hero, a savior, a murderer, a saint.

But nowhere in all of this could he find his sister.

Commander Shepard was larger than life, a character from an action vid or a comic book. Again and again, she had done the impossible. She was the first human spectre. She got humans a seat on the council. She had cured the genophage. She gave the quarians back their homeworld. She made peace with the geth, walked on the Prothean homeworld, fought a Reaper on foot and won …

Commander Shepard had united the galaxy and ended a cycle of terror and death in operation for billions of years.

Kiryn didn’t want Commander Shepard.

He wanted Keris.

He didn’t want to know about the colonies she’d saved or the political deals she’d negotiated. He wanted to know if she still played soccer and hated tomatoes and chewed her nails. If she had the same laugh, hummed the same song when she was working, still stared into space like a dead fish when she was thinking too deeply.

Had she changed as much as he had?

Was she the same person he remembered?

That was the problem. These articles weren’t about Keris. They were about Shepard. If he wanted to learn about Keris, he would need to do the work himself.

Kiryn didn’t find what he needed in the gossip columns, but he did find the information that would lead him there. Keris had become something of a celebrity towards the end of the war, and any celebrity was a prime target for the tabloids.

Most of the stories he dismissed as the usual tabloid garbage -- tell-alls from ‘inside sources’, hidden pregnancies, secret drug addictions, dating a turian -- but one story was fairly consistent across all of the articles. Commander Shepard throwing a party in her brand new apartment on the Silversun Strip, a few weeks before the final confrontation on Earth.

Everything he read made it clear that, despite her roaming the hallways during hours of surgical procedures, Keris was still hospitalized. She hadn’t been in for a check up or to visit a friend, and that meant her apartment would almost certainly be empty right now.

Time for a visit.

[apprenticeofcups]

Hello, I love your hcs and I'd like to make a request 💖 Could I get a few hcs about the main 6 reacting to the discovery that the apprentice has an identical twin who is a complete opposite personality from MC they know? And the shenanigans that would occur? Thank you!

thank you!! you sure can! 

👬Main 6 + MC’s Evil Twin

Asra

Of course he can tell you apart

You two try to cover up the differences you know you have - that freckle, that cowlick - you try magical glamours, everything, and Asra still knows you with his eyes closed

He thinks the difference in personality is hilarious, since you’re so opposite it’s almost predictable

Siblings bickering is like a stage show to only children, and you two are headliners

Julian

There’s two

Fascinated by how different you are - it makes sense that he and Portia are like that when they’re ten years apart, but you’re identical

Julian loves family, loves meeting new people, and knows which twin is his

Drunk Julian is very confused and cannot for the life of him remember which twin he came in with, but he’d like to go home and cuddle

Nadia

The personality difference doesn’t surprise her; she grew up with Navra and Nahara

Has to take some liberties when she’s having clothes made for you, because your tastes are very similar to your twin’s, and she has to have some way to tell you apart

Refers to them as her sibling, too - and warns them what you’re marrying into

Loves telling them stories about you almost as much as she likes hearing stories about the two of you growing up

Muriel

Feels like he’s in the way around your family, especially because you two are so close

Prank him if you want, but he’ll feel bad when he can’t tell you apart

And then he’ll get really, really good at telling you apart

He’s actually tough to prank, because he’s crazy observant, so he always catches you right before the punchline

Portia

Shenanigans are her first priority

Her favorite prank is déjà vu: placing you two around consecutive corners to ask the chamberlain the same question, the exact same way

If she’s surprised about how different you are, she doesn’t bring it up

She knows what it’s like to be constantly compared to a sibling, and she can imagine you two have had it even worse

Lucio

He doesn’t really get how siblings...work, let alone twins

Why are you so different? Why are you so mean to each other? Wait, weren’t you just fighting?

If you so chose, your twin could very likely sub in for you on a whole date with Lucio, and it would take him a solid hour to notice

But he will never let you live it down, and you’ll never go on another date where he doesn’t bring it up, at least when your twin’s in town ☕

Requests Are Open | Ko-Fi | My AO3

[heartisntherightplace]

Essays: Loving with Borderline Personality Disorder

Hi friends. I wrote an essay on my personal struggles with mental illness. I hope you will give it a read. I know everyone is going through a hard time right now, but just some insight into what it is like struggling with mental illness. Thank you <3

Essays: Loving with Borderline Personality Disorder

Ever since I was a young girl, I didn’t know who I was. Now, you may be thinking, everyone goes through an identity crisis, but my struggle was deeper and has followed me from childhood until adulthood. Countless flimsy identity changes, from wanting to be a singer, to my discovery of spirituality, crystals, incantations, all manifestations of my struggle to find my purpose in life. A perpetual emptiness that leaves me now filling the void I feel with material things. However, as confused as I was, one dream remained true since I was a little girl, the desire to feel an everlasting love, to be wanted. I would listen to love songs, sing along, but never understood the true meaning. My voice would echo back the lyrics, but I could never get my soul to understand the words, as it was something I never experienced before. Some believe, we must love ourselves first to experience true love. This mantra alienated me though, I have always hated myself. Saw my flaws for what they were. In following this saying, I thought I could never experience love then, as my search for self-identity and self-love would be a life long struggle, I would miss out on this opportunity. I came to terms with this, settled for whatever I could get to grasp this feeling of what I thought love was. Countless self-sabotaging scenarios, where I settled for friends with benefits situations just so I could feel wanted by another, allowing my body to be used as an outlet for someone else’s carnal desires just so I could have a taste of what they meant in love songs. Growing up, as all my friends were experiencing their first kisses, first boyfriends, first dates, I sat on the sideline, waiting for my turn, wondering when was it my turn?

Then something changed. At the age of 23 I was fortunate enough to meet someone, to experience my first great love. We met in the most unusual of circumstances. In a friends with benefits situation, I had seen him before. He was the friend of someone I was seeing casually at the time, but I remembered him. As I was aimlessly scrolling through tinder one day, I saw his face and I took a chance, something inside me instantly recognized him. I swiped right and we matched. This began our courtship. I pursued him out of curiosity and a desire to know him. Our relationship was not perfect. From a trip that brought the whole relationship into question, to fights and frustrations about my internal struggles, but what I felt was a true love. The kind I had always dreamt about, a connection that was indescribable. I had never felt so free and inhibited with someone before. Growing up, I had always felt anxiety talking to men, but I didn’t feel this way with him. My soul recognized him, not just because I had met him before that one time, but what I believe was a reconciliation of our souls. That we had met before in a previous life. But, I will get back to this later.

I remember one day in high school, I had gotten into a fight with my best friend and she told me she didn’t know who I was. This hurt because I felt like I was an honest person, but she was right. I rarely shared anything deep about myself. I had often lied about my family life out of shame, always keeping a part of me hidden. I openly listened to other’s peoples struggles, but kept the shadow side of myself hidden. Always ready to be a shoulder to cry on, but never opened about my own struggles. The loneliness I felt growing up with two parents who tirelessly worked to provide me with what I needed. Being an only child, who was over sensitive to everything. Who cried when her mom would leave for work because I didn’t want to be alone. I kept my loneliness inside to create a façade, but this in the end alienated me. As I grew older, I learned to open up more, to share my fears and wants with my friends, I created deeper friendships because of this. But in the end, I often felt misunderstood. I felt that no one truly got it. Everyone would tell me, it’s normal to not know who you are at this age. I believe this to be true, but at the same time my confusion and emptiness was something deeper and more sinister. This confusion lead to various suicide attempts, at the age of 23 I have overdosed on my medication around 5 times, or maybe even more I can’t even remember. But 5 times too many, for someone my age. From self- harm, to stints with anorexia and bulimia, I was trying to find ways to cope with the pain and emptiness I felt that has been following me my entire life. Everyone goes through a period where they don’t know their purpose, but I couldn’t muster up the courage to dream. To dream about what I wanted out of life. All I know is that I wanted to be happy and feel loved, but this wasn’t the way to go about it. Then I was finally diagnosed. I had borderline personality disorder, everything made sense to me about the diagnosis. It fit me.

So back to him. I finally found someone who I could open up to freely. I often censor what I want to tell people about my struggles in order not to scare or trigger them, but I didn’t do this with him. Each time I felt empty and scared, I reached out to him and he was there with an open ear and heart. Never judgemental, he listened and tried to come up with solutions, although I didn’t agree with them all, I was grateful at least someone was listening to me. Despite how in love I was, I was not getting better though. My suicidality followed me and so did my destructive habits that categorize someone struggling with borderline. My impulsivity, my black and white thinking, my jealousy, my neediness, my self harm, they still prevailed, no matter how much I trusted or loved him. Then one day, it all became too much for him and he left. My soulmate, my twin flame, my mirror soul was gone. Who was I now? I invested so much of my time into being in a relationship I still didn’t understand what my purpose was. I achieved my souls deepest desire of feeling love for the first time, but why was I still empty? My confusion and struggles with self-identity ended up driving him away. Who was I now? I’m still trying to figure out.

Being around someone with borderline is hard. We come across as manipulative and liars, but all we really want is to be heard and loved. Our inner child is screaming out, please understand me, please love me but we can go about it from the wrong ways. When he left me, I tried to kill myself. Not to make him stay, but because I was angry and ashamed of myself for driving him away, whether it was purposely or unintentionally. We do this thing where we try to sabotage relationships in order to not get hurt, that way if things end, it is because of something we did, and part of me wonders if that’s why I did the things I did like lie and hide. Borderline is a paradox, we intensely fear abandonment but at the same time push people away to protect ourselves. I thought I had opened up the darkest parts of myself to my soulmate but I didn’t, I always kept a part of me hidden, out of fear, rejection, but this is what ended up driving him away. Borderline is hard for those around the one’s who are suffering but most importantly for those who are struggling. But one thing I can say about my illness is I love hard. I feel everything deeply, my highs are as high as the galaxy, and my lows can feel the pit of the earth. What I am trying to say is. I want to question that idea that, we cannot experience love unless we love ourselves first because at my most vulnerable, I experienced it. What I want to put forth is the idea that, in loving someone else and in experiencing love we can understand and begin to love ourselves. It may not ring true for everyone, but this is my personal experience. In being in love with my person and experiencing mutual love from him, I can begin to love myself. That’s all someone with borderline personality wants, to feel love and be loved in returned. One day I know I will experience love again, this time a love for myself.

[jadejedi]

Love Does Not Fail (3/?)

Summary: When Anakin saves the galaxy from Palpatine, Padmé and his children survive, but their family is split apart nonetheless. Leia is taken to be raised in the Temple, not knowing that the Jedi who "found" her is actually her father. Luke grows up with Padmé, knowing only his mother's side of the family. But some things are inevitable.

Chapter Summary: In which Padmé deals with grief, the Senate, and an unexpected visitor. 

ao3 link here

A/N:  Full confession: the timeline of TCW: s7 and RotS are completely a mystery to me, so I am just winging it. Who cares. It’s FINE. Also, I did not expect to get this chapter out so soon, but all of my university classes are cancelled for a bit due to the coronavirus until they can be moved online. Stay safe out there <3

In the aftermath of Palpatine’s death, the Senate had been awash with confusion and high emotion. Many Senators were not happy with a military coup, and to be entirely honest, Padmé wasn’t fully, either, and her husband had been a part of it.

Not that she wasn’t happy that Palpatine had been found out and dealt with, it’s just that she wished that he had been a normal corrupt politician, so that democracy could have dealt with him, rather than a mostly unregulated arm of the military. 

Thankfully, however, Palpatine’s status as a Sith and his red lightsabers were enough for many Senators to tie him to Dooku, and therefore brand him as a traitor to the Republic. For those who needed more proof, it was discovered (or rediscovered, in this case) quickly, thanks to Anakin: biochips implanted in every clone soldier, that would enable them to be turned against the Jedi. Not to mention the discovery of a private comm channel that Palpatine used to contact Dooku, the Trade Federation, and the Techno Union. 

For those that were convinced, but still uneasy about the Jedi involvement, of which there were only a few, mostly neutral worlds, the fact that Master Windu had been in contact with Mas Amedda as he had gone to confront the Chancellor had helped assuage some fears. This action had also helped implicate the Vice Chancellor in Palpatine’s crimes, as he had not passed on Master Windu’s information to the Senate at large. The fact that there was footage of Palpatine attacking Anakin first, who had clearly arrested him, also helped. 

But just because the Senate had been calmed, didn’t mean that Padmé’s work was over. Instead, after the meeting with the Council two days prior, Padmé had thrown herself into her work more than ever before, trying to block out her sorrow. 

In this period of transition, there was plenty of work to distract her. There was reaching out to the Separatist worlds, especially those who’d left due to the corruption of the Republic, there were several upcoming trials, including Mas Amedda’s, Nute Gunray’s (as well as several other members of the Trade Federation), and Prime minister of Kamino Lama Su. And those were just of the people who had been arrested in the last five days. 

There were also questions of who would lead the Senate next. An election was planned to take place two days later, for both Chancellor and Vice Chancellor. Several Senators had been nominated, including Bail Organa, who was seen as a strong, trustworthy voice who had always been loyal to the Republic while never trusting Palpatine, Ask Ask of Malastare, who was the favorite of the few Senators who remained loyal to Palpatine, and Kin Robb of Hapes, who was nominated due to her status as a member of the Council of Neutral Systems. 

Padmé herself had been nominated by Riyo Chuchi of Pantora, but had turned down the nomination for a couple of reasons. One, she knew that while her connection to Anakin Skywalker was currently a secret, she didn’t ever want people to look back on her actions and consider a conspiracy. Two, she was only weeks away from being the mother of twins, and while she wasn’t technically a single mother, she would still be the primary caregiver for her children, and she didn’t want nannies and handmaidens to raise her children. 

And third, the most politically relevant reason she declined to run was that her ideals were very close to those of Senator Organa. She did not want to split the votes of her party, especially when Senator Organa was seen as the older, more trustworthy candidate.

Padmé couldn’t help wondering, somewhat despairingly, if that was not an accurate assessment. After all, while neither of them had trusted Palpatine all that much, especially since the passing of the Military Creation Act, Padmé had trusted him for many years in a way that Bail never had. She was one of the main reasons Palpatine had gotten power in the first place. That was not something people were likely to forget anytime soon, even if many Senators were more likely to evaluate her on her actions since becoming Senator, and not on those actions she’d taken as a desperate, fourteen year old Queen. 

And even beyond Palpatine, Padmé wondered if she didn’t sometimes see too much of the good in people. Anakin certainly thought so, at times, though she knew he also loved that about her. She thought back to her endorsement of Rush Clovis for leader of the Banking Clan, and how she knew from later conversations with Bail that he had voted against the appointment. 

Just because she hadn’t accepted the nomination for Chancellor, doesn’t mean that her hat was completely out of the ring. Immediately after declining Senator Chuchi’s nomination, Bail himself had nominated her for Vice Chancellor, and she did not reject it. 

Once again, she was far from the only candidate whose name was up for the office, her dear friend Mon Mothma being another one, but she knew that the responsibilities of Vice Chancellor would be considerably less than that of the Chancellor, and in many ways, less than even that of a Galactic Senator, since her role would not be as representative of any one world, but as the being in charge of running and mediating the Senate. 

“Senator,” Dormé said, peeking her head into Padmé’s office in her apartment. Padmé looked up in surprise. She hadn’t realized it was late enough for Anakin to be home, yet. “You have a visitor. Captain Typho has let her in.” Instead of telling her who it was, she just smiled mysteriously.

Padmé sighed as she looked up from one of the five different datapads she had scattered on her desk, each one for a different committee or duty of hers. “Thank you, Dormé. I’ll be right there.” Dormé pursed her lips, but said nothing. Padmé knew that her handmaiden was just worried about her, but she was fine. Everything was just so… much. 

Dormé had taken an extended leave of absence during a majority of the war to help with refugee efforts in the systems around Naboo, but after Teckla died on Skipio a few months ago, she came back into Padmé’s service, for which she was extremely grateful. Dormé was such a steadying presence in her life, and to have her back in such a time of chaos was very much welcomed.

She quickly wrapped up what she was working on and stood up from her desk, which was quite a bit more difficult than it used to be. She followed Dormé in the main living space, curiosity piqued as to the identity of the mysterious visitor.

Sitting on one of her sofas, to Padmé’s surprise and delight, was Ahsoka, a little older and taller than she remembered, but it was her all the same. As she walked into the room, Ahsoka’s eyes lit up and she quickly stood up and strode over to her. “Padmé!” she exclaimed. 

Padmé smiled as she opened her arms to hug her, but couldn’t help the tears she felt prick at her eyes. She had been so worried about her since she’d left the Order almost a year ago. Seeing her here, in her apartment, safe, especially after what Anakin told her she’d been through after leaving the Order, it made her heart feel a little bit lighter.

“Ahsoka!” she said, so pleased, as they embraced tightly. “What are you doing here?” she asked, still overcoming her surprise. Ahsoka grinned, stepping back, letting Padmé get a good look at her. She was wearing a leather headband that was very different than the one that Padmé was familiar with, and similar clothes to those she’d worn as Anakin’s padawan, as well as a dark blue cloak. 

“I had to come,” she said. “As soon as I’d heard what’d happened with Anakin and Master Windu and the Chancellor, I knew that I had to come here and see him. I was going to go straight to the Temple and demand that they let me in,” she said, and Padmé could tell that she was only partially joking, “but the Force was telling me to come here first.” She gave Padmé’s pregnant belly a knowing grin. “I think I know why.” 

Padmé only smiled at her. “I know that you know about Anakin and me,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t know why you would be surprised.” Ahsoka chuckled. “Yeah, I knew about you two, but I didn’t expect you to start having children!”

“I suppose we didn’t either,” Padmé admitted. “Let’s sit,” she said, motioning back to the sofas. “My feet are killing me these days, and these two are really throwing out by back,” she said with a fond huff, one hand around her stomach. 

“Two?” Ahoska asked, eyes wide.

“Oh yes,” Padmé said with a smile, “I’m having twins. A boy and a girl.” She tried not to sound too sad as she said that, but as much joy as the children she was carrying brought her, there was also sadness surrounding their impending birth, something Padmé would never forgive the Council for. 

“Is everything okay, Padmé?” Ahoska asked as they sat down on the sofa. She angled her body so she was facing her, face etched with concern. “I know everything is going to be crazy for a while, what with the Sith Lord in the Senate and all, but everything just seems...tense.”

Padmé sighed and looked behind her, out the window towards the Temple. “No,” she said. “I don’t want to say that nothing is okay, because it’s not true, but in my worst moments it certainly seems like it.” She turned back around towards Ahsoka. “The Jedi are going to take one of my children,” she whispered, still not fully believing it.

Ahsoka’s eyebrows rose, but otherwise, showed no signs of visible surprise, letting Padmé speak.

--

After she was done explaining the events of the last few days, Ahsoka crossed her arms, leaning back against the sofa, and sighed. “I wish I could say I was shocked, but I’m not,” she admitted. “The Jedi have truly lost their way; for so long the dark side clouded so much that they clung to the only thing that they could be sure of,” she said sadly, “tradition.”

Padmé nodded. “I have always respected the Jedi, and been thankful for their intervention during the Invasion of Naboo,” Padmé began, “but more and more, I have questioned their judgement.” A small, harsh laugh escaped her. “You know that Anakin always has,” she said, and Ahsoka agreed with a nod and a wry grin. 

“I suppose he has to be right sometimes,” Padmé joked, making Ahsoka smile. 

“I’m always right!” Anakin said indignantly, walking through the door from the landing pad at that moment. He stopped in his tracks upon seeing the two of them. “Snips?” he said, dumbly. 

Ahsoka gave a wry smile and waved. “Hi, Skyguy,” she said, standing up to greet him. He walked over to where they were sitting and reached out to clasp her hand in greeting. “You act like I didn’t see you just a month ago or so,” she said with a grin.

Padmé shook her head lightly at the emotional distance that Jedi had instilled in them. Although they weren’t far off in age, she knew that Ahsoka was like a daughter to Anakin, even if their relationship was more sibling-like much of the time. 

He motioned for Ahsoka to sit back down and took his own seat on the other side of Padmé. He reached over to give her a quick peck on the cheek. “Hi,” he said quietly, with a smile. Padmé felt herself smile in return, as she always did when he came home.

“What are you doing here, Snips?” Anakin asked curiously, redirecting their attention to their guest.    She shrugged, spreading her hands, palms up. “I guess I don’t really know. I heard what had happened here, and I knew that you were involved.” She paused, considering. 

“I guess I felt the Force guiding me. Telling me that it was urgent. Rex wasn’t thrilled that I was charging back to Coruscant,” she continued fondly, “but he knows that I can handle myself.” She gave Anakin a look. “I think he feels like he has to watch over me since you can’t.” 

Anakin pasted on his most “innocent” expression. “I don’t know where he would get such an idea,” Anakin joked. 

Padmé smiled at the two of them. She was glad that Ahsoka had so many parental figures in her life: Anakin, Rex, Obi-Wan, Master Koon. She supposed that her child would never be lacking in that regard, she told herself, trying to ignore the obvious. That she would not be one of those parental figures. 

“So what are you going to do, now?” Padmé asked her, trying to pull herself out of her negative thoughts. “Rex is on Mandalore, correct? Are you going to stay with him?” 

Ahsoka looked at them both thoughtfully. “I was,” she said slowly, “at least for a while, but now I feel like the Force was pulling me here for a reason.” Her expression turned serious. “Master Yoda was right in one thing he told you both. Force-sensitive children, especially powerful ones like yours are going to be,” she said, nodding to Padmé’s stomach, “should be trained.” 

She looked them both in the eyes in turn, nodded determinedly to herself. “So I’ll stay here, with you, Padmé, if you want, and help train the child that he-” she nodded at Anakin, “-can’t.” She looked at them, arms crossed, as if daring either one of them to argue with her. 

Before Padmé could say anything, Anakin laughed a little, surprised and happy, the first time she’d heard him do so since discovering Palpatine’s treachery. “I don’t know why you’d think I’d argue with you, Snips. I’d much rather you be here on Coruscant, with us, than out there in the galaxy on your own.”

Padmé shook her head fondly at her husband, before turning back to Ahsoka. Just as Anakin had thought of her as his daughter or younger sister, Padmé had as well. She had been crushed when Anakin had told her that Ahsoka had chosen to leave the Order, even though she had understood why. And now that she was back, and wanted to stay? 

“Oh, Ahsoka,” she said, unable to keep the emotion out of her voice. “That would be wonderful.” She leaned over and pulled her into a hug. She seemed surprised, at first, but quickly gave in and returned the embrace. 

--

“I made up the guest bedroom for you,” Anakin said, stepping out to join Ahsoka on the balcony. Padmé had finally been convinced to go to bed, seeming more at peace then she’d had since their meeting with the Council.  Ahsoka turned, and shot him a brief smile. He knew he’d seen her not too long ago, but it was still amazing to him how much she’d grown. She was almost as tall as him, now. “I’m sorry this is happening to you both,” she said, as he stood next to her by the rail, looking out over the Coruscanti skyline. 

Anakin shook his head and sighed. “You were right, Ahsoka.” He clutched the railing. “About the Jedi Order, and trust. Palpatine had been manipulating me for years,” he acknowledged, “but they didn’t trust me from the moment I walked into the Temple. I don’t know why I thought I could trust them, even a little.”

He felt Ahsoka’s hand on his shoulder. “Anakin,” she sighed sympathetically. “They were your family, your life, just as much as they’d been mine. I’m only sorry that I had the ability to leave, and you don’t.”

“At first, when I turned Palpatine over to Master Windu, and when he died, I thought I’d defeated my anger. If he’d been the one manipulating me, if he was at fault for all of this rage and anger I feel, then it should be gone with him.” He laughed darkly.

 “I feel angrier every day, Ahsoka. How could they do this?” He’d often turned that thought over and over in his mind these last few days. How could they do this? How? Why? “I never thought the Jedi were this cruel.”

“Fear does funny things to people. And it’s natural to feel angry,” Ahsoka said, echoing a sentiment often expressed by Padmé. “You taught me to release my emotions, to be at peace with them, not to hold on to them and bottle them up.”

“So, what? I should just be at peace with everything that is happening?” he demanded.

Ahsoka shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know what else you could do. You have one year for you and Padmé to spend with your children. Do you really want to spend it drowning in anger?”

Anakin chuckled. “When did you get so wise?” 

She bumped him with her shoulder. “I guess I had a good teacher.” She grinned quickly, before turning serious and looking down at her hands. 

“I’m sorry you won’t be able to be more a part of your children’s lives,” she said. “I hope you don’t think I’m overstepping anything by offering to help train the child that stays here.”

Anakin shook his head. “I don’t feel like that at all. I guess I’m just relieved that she’ll have help. That there’ll be someone there who can do what I should be doing.” He sighed. “I think I’ve accepted the reality of what is happening. If I can’t be here helping them both, then I am glad that someone I know and trust will be.”

--

Two days later, in Naboo’s Senate pod, Padmé was thankful that she was so good at her expressionless regal “queen” face. 

She had lost the Vice Chancellor race. To Mon, for whom she was very happy, and knew would be a wonderful Vice Chancellor to Bail’s Chancellor. She shook her head slightly. She didn’t even know why she wanted the damn office. She loved Naboo. She loved representing Naboo. 

As she walked back to her Senate office after the votes had come in, she wasn’t even sure why she was so upset. She wanted to blame pregnancy hormones, but she knew that it was more than that. 

“Are you okay, Senator?” Dormé asked quietly as she and Ahsoka walked on either side of her. “I’m sorry you did not win.”

“Me, too,” Ahsoka echoed. “It doesn’t seem fair.”

Padmé shook her head and sighed. “I’m fine, both of you. Really.” She sighed again as they entered her office quarters. “I guess I just wanted that validation. That my peers would recognize…” she paused as she lowered herself into her seat behind the desk, “That I was right, suppose.” 

She shot the two of them a self deprecating smile. “Silly, isn’t it? I guess I just took so much flak for my anti-war, pro-negotiation stances that I thought that people would see me as someone who was right, rather than just an idealistic radical.”

“I don’t think it’s silly at all,” Dormé said, trying to comfort her. “I think that you would make a wonder Vice Chancellor, or even Chancellor someday, because you have always stuck to your beliefs and fought for what you believed to be right.” She frowned. “But I think that you being right might have played against you, so soon after it all happened. People don’t like to be reminded that they were wrong. Senator Organa has been in the Senate long enough that the other Senators associate him with stances outside of the war.”

Padmé tilted her head, contemplatively. There was certainly something to what Dormé was saying. Even before becoming a Senator, people already associated her with opposing the Trade Federation because of the Invasion, and it wasn’t even a full term in the Senate later than the Military Creation Act was written.  “It is still frustrating though,” she said, looking down at the datapads on her desk. “I tried so hard to help the people of this galaxy, to end the war, and it is those actions that may have turned people against me.”

“But you did the right thing,” Ahsoka said, fiercely. “If the Senate can’t recognize that, then they’re bigger idiots than I thought.”

“If you weren’t the kind of person to fight for your beliefs despite the political consequences, you wouldn’t be you,” Dormé agreed, with a serene smile. 

Padmé returned the smile. “Thank you, both of you. I needed that.”

--

The night of Padmé’s loss in the election for Vice Chancellor, Anakin climbed into their bed much later than he would have liked. 

Padmé was already in bed, but not asleep, lying on her side. She’d been reading one of her datapads until he’d come into the bedroom, but had put it on the nightstand, when he’d come in, smiling at him.

After quickly getting ready for bed, he slipped under the covers and moved so he could hold her from behind, his mechanical hand resting above her head on the pillow and his flesh hand resting on her belly, where he could most strongly feel the two bright lights in the Force that were their children. 

She turned her head so he could reach her lips to give her a kiss, as he always did when he came home. She hummed happily as they parted, lying back down on her pillow, putting her own hand around her stomach to meet his, so their fingers intertwined. 

“I’m sorry I’m home so late,” he apologized, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. Her hair was so curly that his face tended to end up half buried in it when they cuddled like this. “It feels like all I’ve been doing is attending meetings all day,” he explained. “Updating all of us on our role now that the war is all but over.”

“You’re not that late, Ani,” she soothed, a smile in her voice. “I was just feeling a bit tired, so Ahsoka insisted that I go lay down,” she said, her voice clearly reflecting her fondness for his former Padawan. 

“Are you alright?” he asked in concern. He knew that the last few days had been taking a toll on her. His fear from early on in her pregnancy came rushing back. “What did AZ say?” he asked, referring to her medical droid. 

“It’s nothing to worry about,” she tried to reassure him. “I just had a long day. AZ agreed that it was just normal stress.”

“Well, good,” Anakin said in relief. He grinned into her curls. “I’m glad one of my lessons stuck with Ahsoka,” he said. 

“And what lesson is that?”

“Protect Senator Amidala,” he said, reaching over to kiss her cheek. She smiled as he did so, and pretended to try and swat him away. 

“I’m sorry about the election,” Anakin said after a few peaceful moments. “You would make a wonderful Vice Chancellor. Or Chancellor.”

Padmé sighed. “Thank you, Ani. But I’m not upset.” 

He hummed, unconvinced. 

“I was frustrated this afternoon,” she admitted, and Anakin was once again upset that he still had to spend his days at the Temple, rather than with her, where she needed him. “When Bail was elected Chancellor, I thought that I was the obvious choice to stand next to him. But I guess my connection to Palpatine and to the war just couldn’t be overlooked.”

“Well, I think that the Senate is a bunch of bureaucratic fools. They are too blinded by politics to see what would be best for the whole galaxy,” Anakin told her. Politics really weren’t his thing, but he knew that Padmé would be an amazing leader, and that the Senate would have to come to their senses one day.

She laughed. “That certainly may be true,” she acknowledged. “But it isn’t as if Mon’s politics are all that different than my own. She was just less vocal than I was throughout the war. Maybe that was smarter, politically.” She turned her head to smile at him. “I find it hard to stay out of conflict, though. I think your bad habits are rubbing off on me.”

“Oh, I can think of plenty of times where you were the one dragging me into a fight,” he said with a grin. He was glad that they were talking like this, teasing and laughing. The past week had been so quiet and tense, both of them walking on eggshells, handling their grief in different ways. 

Padmé didn’t say anything, just smirked slightly and laid her head back down. “Have you been given any assignments, yet?” she asked, changing the subject.

He shook his head. “No. For now, the focus of the Jedi will be accompanying diplomats to meetings with the Separatists, as well as relief missions. There will probably be a few battles left, here and there, but without any of their leaders, this war is all but over.”

“What do you think about us going to Naboo?” she asked. “I know I talked about it before, but that all seems so long ago.” She sighed, idly playing with his fingers, still intertwined with hers. 

“I want to be with my family. I want to be somewhere away from all of this. Since I didn’t win the election, there is no reason that I can’t. The Senate will be in session for another week, and then I will still be three weeks out from my due date.”

She sighed again. “If we only have a year with both of our babies, I want to spend it on Naboo, where we can all be together. And surely, if you have a mission, the Council can give it to you over comm?” 

Anakin was sure that they wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but he was also sure that they really couldn’t do anything to stop him, at this point. 

“Okay, let’s do it,” he said. “Let’s go to Naboo.”

Suddenly, he felt a sharp movement under where his palm rested on Padmé’s belly. 

“I think they’re in agreement,” he said with a smile, and Padmé pulled his arm tighter around her. 

“Good,” she said, and Anakin could hear the sleep heavy in her voice.

He held her until she fell asleep, and then moved gently to his side of the bed, lying on his back, and let sleep carry him away.  Hooray for Ahsoka! I know she didn’t have a lot to do in this chapter, but that will change. Expect some of her POV later on :D Next chapter things really get moving (Or, as much as things will get moving in this story lol). I know this chapter was kinda a filler, so bear with me.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEW: Tweet Cute by Emma Lord!

My Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5/5

Age Recommendation: 14+

Genres: Contemporary, Romance, Family

Release Date: January 21st, 2020

Add this book to your TBR on Goodreads here.

You can read my other reviews here, here, here and here.

This review may contain unintended spoilers.

This is a review of an ARC I received as an Indigo Employee.

___

A lot of hype has been going around about Tweet Cute. It’s not an unfounded hype, since it features a complicated but cute romance, heartwarming family moments, and hilarious Twitter burns. Tweet Cute is your next great read if you love stories that incorporate multimedia into the story. 

Pepper and Jack have always disagreed on everything. She’s the student striving for the best grades and having a killer college essay, while he’s the class clown who feels a little stuck by his family’s expectations. When the two of them begin a twitter war with their respective burger and sandwich shops, they never thought the whole internet would get involved. Soon, the world is either shipping them, or taking sides. But as the twitter war gets more serious, Pepper and Jack are slowly falling for each other unknowingly on an App that anonymously pairs students up. Will these two finally see eye to eye, or are they destined to lose sight of the important things in their lives?

I loved Jack and often empathized with his experiences. Being an identical twin, Jack has always had to separate himself from his brother, Ethan. Everyone always confuses him for Ethan, and his parents seem to have an obvious favourite. Of the two main characters, I felt the saddest for Jack because while he is a big personality in Pepper’s world, he’s actually a very quiet person at home--internally struggling with his deeper sense of inequality. 

The cute and flirty banter, and the quick wit in the tweets is a big draw for readers, but it is the familial struggles that gives this book its depth. 

Penny is struggling with her own personal insecurities. After seeing her sister’s rocky relationship with her mom, she is constantly straddling the line of disappointing her mom and disappointing herself. While I empathized the most with Jack in this book, I was the happiest for Penny’s own growth as a character. I find it interesting how she is so quick with a great twitter burn, yet finds it hard to speak up when her voice needs to be heard the most. Watching her gain a voice was so satisfying, especially after we see everything that is expected of her. 

The two characters together made of a great combination because they helped each other come to terms with their insecurities and internal struggles. They were also just ridiculously cute. This was a really cute couple, and I loved watching them slowly realize how into each other they were. 

One of the things I wish the book had done better, however, was give the secondary characters more depth. While we see a bit of them throughout the novel, they’re really only there to push the dialogue along, or to help the protagonists face their own moments of growth. I get that secondary characters are sometimes made for that, but I love when they have more depth than just being “the best friend”, or “the person the protagonist had a crush on years ago”, especially if they’re always around the main characters. I find that when they’re not better rounded, they become forgettable. Yes, Jack’s best friend is quirky, but he’s more than his quirky dialogue. 

For some reason, I felt like some things were never really explained at the end of the book. We’re left with these major discoveries, and some side comments about consequences of the protagonists’ actions, but never really told much more. Certain points felt a little...anticlimactic. I enjoyed the book, but something about the end left me wanting more than what I was given. 

I liked this book because it was cute and I loved reading about these characters. I liked their character growth and how they worked together. There was a lot of chemistry there and it was great watching it grow. The tweets and text messages were very entertaining to read and I will admit that I giggled at points. Also, some of the desserts sound amazing and I wouldn’t say no to eating one of those grilled cheeses! My only complaints are a lack of follow-through with certain revelations and the flat secondary characters. 

I’d recommend this book for contemporary fiction fans! Also, if you like reading hate-to-love romances in YA, this is definitely for you.

Happy reading!

P.S. Have you read this book? Would you recommend it?

[crazyrandomfucker]

Adrien Augreste: Nightmares

Adrien wasn't okay. He definetly wasn't. A week ago, he was with his Lady, happily getting ready to battle and defeat Hawk Moth once and for all as Kitty Noire and Lordubg battled against Monarch. None of them came unharmed from that battle, even if the damages weren't physical. After defeating them, they discovered their identities along with the identities of Le Paon and Mayura. Noone could have predicted how harmful was to discover that Gabriel Agreste and Jeanne Agreste had been plotting against their own family and their protegees. Of course their loyal minions resulted to be no other than their so loyal secretaries: Nathalie and Nathan.

They hadn't revealed to the public the identieties of the vilains, but everyone knew about the defeat of those who had been tormenting them for so long. Master Fu was shocked when he heard the identities of the villains and appologised several times to the teenagers. His siblings, Mister and Miss Fu, had been giving some sort of psychology treatment to the young heroes. The rest of the miraculous squad wasn't informed about the identities of the villains, but upon seeing how affected their heroes were, they didn't dare to ask them.

It was so painful. Adrien had been so close to die at the hands of the monsters his father and aunt created. Even worse he had almost lost everything important to him: his friends, his sister and, the worst of it, his love. He felt furious, betrayed, hurt, ... But he still had Marinette, who supported him without doubting, even if she just was almost as hurt as Adrien. But the worst were the nights, when he managed to fall asleep, the memories of all those previous battles came back to him, haunting him with the possibilities of things that could have go wrong and even picturing his father or his aunt killing him, instead of the akumas, as they laughed evily and took his miraculous away.

As far as he knew, his sister and the bugs were also dealing with their own traumas and the nightmares. Mari suffered insomnia, Marin developed a PTSD and Adrienne recluded herself on her bedroom, only allowing Marin to enter. It was frankly devastating for all of them to even face any of their enemies, mainly because they had to see them on a daily basis, but also because they clearly were devastated by their defeat. Gabriel was the shadow of the man he once was, recluding himself, barely getting any food or sleep and over obsesing with every single details of his surroundings. On the other hand, Jeanne showed some sort of depression mixed with sudden outbursts. The young heroes were almost scared to see them just in case the villains would somehow recognise them outside the mask.

The only bright side Adrien and Adrienne could possibly ever see about the situation was that they were no longer expected to do any sort of modeling and could do as they pleased, given the parnoic state of their father and the misterious disappearence of Nathalie, but in the end, they only felt more depressed because of the fact that they had also lost the little to unexistent love and care from their father. Of course, Mar and Mari were constantly with them, even if they didn't interact, just being there to let them know that they still had someone who cared about them, who would support them no matter what and that will always love them unconditionally. It wasn't really strange to see Lordbug entering Adrienne's bedroom or seeing Chat Noir running over the roof tops and stopping over the bakery of the Dupain-Cheng.

Strangely, each time Chat visited Marinette, someone of the miraculous squad was also there or at Marin's secluded space on the rooftop. He slowly began to understand that it wasn't because they had revealed their identities (they had meant to do it after defeating Hawk Moth and Monarch, but they weren't precisely mentally sane after that battle), but because they enjoyed how the children of the best bakers in Paris treated them, as if they simply were another civilian and not superheroes nor gods, like most of civilians used to do. Of course, he suspected that they knew the designers from outside the mask, but Chloe and Cleón certainly weren't exactly known to be civil with the designers and yet, they surprisingly appeared more often that not and generally behaved.

That day, he had had a particulary horrible nightmare were his father and aunt forced akumas into him to akumatize him and then made him cold-bloodly murder everyone in Paris, each murder bloodier and crueller than the last. he had slaughtered his firends, cataclismed Adrienne and Marin and torn Marinette into little pieces. He was honestly trembling and his eyes couldn't stop the torrent of tears flooding his face when he awoke and Plagg surprised him by hugging him and purring to sooth the pain, but he couldn't calm down and, despite Adrienne was recluded, he entered in her bedroom to check if it had only been a nightmare. When he opened the door, he saw his sister, also holding the handle of the door and with watery eyes and a stream of tears flowing down her face.

Without ponouncing a single word, both twins understood perfectly how the other felt and why the other was there. They hugged themselves closely, comforting the other and crying in a strange mix of fear and relief. Once they pulled apart from the heartfelt hug, they look one to another, nodded and called upon their transformations, turning into their superheroes selves and leaving the now colder than ever house. the jumped from roftop to rooftop, not saying a word, being only focused on getting to their destination. But when they arrived, they didn't expect to only see Marinette's lights on and much less to see all of their miraculous friends and Marin in her bedroom, no matter how big and spacious was the place (seriously, she and Marin had small apartment to live by themselves and they were still somehow surprised by Adrien's and Adriennes bedrooms!).

"Oh, um... Hello?" said Chat awkwardly. "Are we interrumping something?"

"Chat! You're not inte..." began Marinette. "Kitty! You're here too! Are you feeling better? Can I bring you anything or do anything for you?"

"Kitty?!" erupted all the heroes as they noticed her in the shadows, hiding behind her brother. They made a move to get to her, but Marin and Chat stopped them.

"Hey, give her some space" said Marin in a warning tone.

"She's not feeling in the best mood for this and honestly neither am I" declared Chat.

Marinette approached Chat and caressed his cheek. "Another nightmare minou?" said the girl worried.

"A bad one. She also had one, probably similar to mine" said in a low voice Chat.

"Poor minou" said Marinette as she hugged him tight to comfort him. "I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this. Is there aything we can do to help?"

"Yeah dude, we're kinda worried about you cats and the bugs. You haven't been yourselves... lately" said Carapace.

"Specially about you and Kitty. Seriouesly, we want to help you two. That's why we're in here today in fact" said Rena Rouge.

"Thanks a lot" said Kitty tearing down. "I'm sorry I'm like this..."

"There's nothing wrong ma minette" siad Marin comforting her. "It's not your fault and it's totally justified to be like this after... that discovery".

"Still, thank you. I don't know Kitty, but seeing all of you is kind of a relief right now" said Chat.

"Don't tell me it was that kind of nightmares" said Marinette very worried. "Oh, I'm so sorry Chaton. We're here and we're fine, you haven't hurt anyone".

"What does that mean?" said Queen Bee.

"It's because of my nightmares... One kind of the worst I tend to have is about getting akumatised and killing... everyone" explained Chat visibly in pain.

Carapace and El Zorro looked eachother and put their arms around Chat's shoulders. "Bro, dont worry, you're certainly not getting rid of us so easily" said el Zorro.

"Yeah dude, we're all here for you dude. We were even discussing about revealing ourselves, so you two can have more civilians to talk and get it all out from your chests" said Carapace.

"What?!" exclaimed Kitty in a bit of panic.

"Don't worry girl, we're just going to reveal ourselves, we're not going to force you two to reveal and the same goes for the bugs" said Salihafa.

"I still think it's not the best idea" said Marin.

"Oh shut up breadface" said Drone King. "We don't have to worry about villains now, let them do it to help the alley cats".

"Okay, now we're having it" said Marin angry. "First of all f**kface, they're not alley cats and they saved your ass more times than you can count, so show some respect. Second-".

"Stop it!" yelled Kitty. "I'm done with you two fighting always!"

"Fine..." said Marin resigning.

"Know your place commoner. We're the heroes here" said Drone King pridefully.

"He's also one you stupid dumbass!" exploded Kitty as she detransformed into Adrienne and everyone gasped.

"Well, I guess that now the cat's out of the bag" said Chat and detransformed.

"NO WAY!!" exclaimed the turtles and the foxes at unison.

"My bro has been a superhero all the time!" said Carapcae.

"No wonder I've liked this girl so much" said Salihafa hugging a confused Adrienne.

"You know they won't get it unless you detransform right?" pointed Rena.

"Yeah babe, spare the girl all the confussion already" agreed Zorro.

"Oh, right" said Salihafa as the turtles detransformed and revealed Nino and Nina.

"Wait a minute" says Chloe. "I get this is all important. The turtles are the Lahiffe and that means these sly foxes are the Césaire, yes. But has anybody thought that if Adrikins and Adri are the cats, that means the bakers here present are Lordbug and Ladybug?!" exclaimed Queen Bee.

Everybody remained silent for a couple of minutes, everybody looking at Marinette or at Marin until Drone King snapped out of it. "No f**king way. YOU are Lordbug! NO WAY!"

"Well, yes way young drone" said Tekke coming out of Marin T-shirt. "Hi, I'm Tekke, the kwami of Lordbug. It's a pleasure to meet all of you".

"Boy, you've got  looooooot of explaining to do" said Zorro smiling.

"Well, sorry for keeping you in the dark bud" said Marin. "You know how it is".

"My best friend is Ladybug, her boyfriend is Chat Noir and their siblings are Lordbug and Kitty Noire. I'm the worst reporter in all existance" lamented Alya.

"To be honest kitten, if it wasn't for the magic protecting your identities, you would have guessed a long time ago" said Plagg coming out of Adrien's shirt. "The name's Plagg, god of destruction and a cheese gourmet".

"It's adorable!" exclaimed nina upon seeing Plagg.

"Sheesh, calm down little Molly" said Plague. "He's not the prettiest of the two".

"Is this turning into a kwami-holder meeting?" said Weiss as she pulled her head out of Nina's jacket.

"It seems so" said Marinette. "honestly, this is pretty chaotic and definetly not how I expected to be either the night or the reveal".

"I'd recommend you to lower your voice and detransform before someone comes" says Tikki flying from behind a pillow. Everybody turned back to their civilians selves and sat down in silence, until Trixx made a fart noise.

"Trixx!" complained Alya.

"What? It was getting uncomfortable AND boring" replied the mischievous kwami.

"Little Foxy's right, it was getting bored and I don't have any cheese" said Plagg.

"Okay, how about we do a presentation round" suggested Marinette. "So everybody will know everybody's name".

"Excellent idea Ladybug" said Wayzz. "I suggest to begin with the red ladybbugs and the black cats".

"He always suggests that" says Plague nonchalantly.

"I will start" said Tekke glaring Plague. "I'm Tekke, Kwami of creation and my current holder is Marin Dupain-Cheng. Hello again".

"And I am Tikki" said the red kwami. "Would you like to continue Stinky Socks?"

"I already presented myself Sugarcube, it's her turn" said lazily Plagg.

"Very well then. The name's Plague, beautiful godess of destruction and that blonde mess of feelings is my holder" said Plague.

"Plague" warned Tekke.

"Come on Jawbreaker, I've behaved myself this time" complained Plague.

"I believe it's quite disrespectful to call your holder a 'blonde mess of feelings'. And don't call me Jawbreaker, I'm not calling you Death Breath" replied Tekke.

"Okay geez. Her name is Adrienne and she's in a tough spot right now, please be gentle with her" said Plague.

"Yeah whatevs. I'm Trixx, kwami of illusions and this beautyful reporter here is my awesome holder" said the foxy Kwami.

"And I'm Traxx, same story except that my holder is Alen" said Traxx as she jumped from Alen's head.

"Hello dear holders of miraculous. My name is Pollen and I'm one of the Bee Kwamis" said Pollen respectfully.

"As my sitser said, I'm the other Bee Kwami, Pellet. I apologise for my holder behaviour, we're still wroking on it" declared the kwami.

"I guess it's my turn then. Hello, I'm Weiss, Kwami of Protection and the Turtle" said the little turtle goddess.

"And I'm Wayzz, her brother".

"Is there any doubt?" said Marin. "Something to say or to ask before we go back into the loop of awkward silence?"

"I have something to say and something to ask" declared Chloe, surprising everybody. "First I'm going to say something. Marinette, we have never been in good terms and we have hated each other for quite a long time. But you still trusted in me and gave me the miraculous of the bee even after I got akumatized again. Two times actually. You still had faith in me despite how I am and how I've ever treated you. Thank you for that and I'm sorry for everything I've done to you"

"Thank you Chloe" said Marinete surprised after she recovered from the initial confusion. "That's very sweet of you... I'm glad that having the miraculous has helped you".

"Don't expect me to apologise breadhead, I still hate you. But I'll also thank you for trusting me with the miraculous" said a petty Cléon.

"You're welcome. I was hoping you would gain some sense in that blockhead of yours" said Marn.

"Stop it you two" warned Adrienne. "I'm not in the mood and Chloe still has a question to ask".

"Thank you Adri. Now, spill. Who were the villains that affected you for so much" said Chloe seriously. "Your attitude has been ridiculous since and I'm not the only one who wants to help, but we need some intel to help you whatever is going on with you four".

"Chloe, we appreciate the intention, but-" began Mari.

"Hawk Moth was father" interrumped Adrien. "Mayura was Nathalie, my aunt was Monarch and her secretary Nathan was Le Paón".

"Say what?!" blurted the others.

"It's true. They don't know our identites thought" said Marin.

"I'm going to shove my shield up into the butt of that old man" said Nina getting angrier.

"I'll shove my flute at full force against Jeanne's face then. She was so hypocrite!" said Alya.

"No, no. We're going to skin them alive" said Alen.

"Dude, dudette, I'm adopting you two and there's nothing you can do to change my mind" said Nino.

"I can't believe it was them" said the Bourgeoise having an existential crisis.

"We know Chloe, we were also so shocked Cléon. Nino, you can't adopt them, my parents claimed that a long time ago and they don't know about the miraculous. Alya, Alen and Nina, as much as I'd love to do all that, those are still crimes and we are superheroes" said Marinette, bringing peace to the room.

"I love when you do that" said Adrien.

"Shush minou" said Marinette blushing slightly.

the teenagers kept talking and discussing for the night, slowly accomodating themselves as they got sleepy. Adrienne sat on Marn's lap and he hugged her, falling asleep like that as she purred and he buzzed. Alya and Nino slowly rested their heads on the other's and fell asleep. Nina fell asleep on Alen's belly. Chloe and Cléon fell asleep on their chairsand Marinette covered them with some blankets. Adrien thought, just put his head on Marinette's lap and she began to pet him, runing her finger between the golden locks and driving Adrien crazy of pleasure. He began to purr and she smiled, not noticing that both of them were also sloly falling asleep, but this times, no nightmare would dare to come in the room of superheroes.

[miraclesnail]

Writer’s Month Day 17: Accidental Baby Acquisition

Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians

A continuation of day 14: fairy tale (x) (An AU where Connor is at CJ and Travis at CHB)

Any child below 6 years old is a baby to me.

Jason kinda remembers the day Connor came to camp. He himself arrived when he was three and Connor just a year later, the only two orphaned 4 year olds in all of Camp Jupiter.

Connor was… Connor was a bit on the shy side back then. Wouldn’t talk with anyone at their foster home. Would hide under the covers. Wouldn’t eat at all. Would cry all the time.

Then it all disappeared the seventh day he was with them. Just one day, all his sadness was seeped from him and replaced with an insurmountable eager curiosity like all four year olds.

Being Camp Half Blood, with his memory slowly recovering day by day, he remembers Connor. He remembers them proving themselves to get into the legion. He remembers Connor’s quiet whimpering when he has to get the SPQR tattoo. He remembers the very poorly imagined, but highly successful prank (the only one ever in all their years at Jupiter) they pulled on Octavian. He remembers late night talks about life and the war and responsibility.

He finally remembers Connor.

He remembers Connor.

He remembers Connor.

He doesn’t get angry often, but when your childhood friend is right there when you’re confused and anemiasic and didn’t do anything, you will get angry too.

It was hard to get ‘Travis’ by himself—always surrounded by people strangely enough— but when he finally did in the solitude of Cabin 1, he slams a hand on the wall beside ‘Travis’ head.

“You can drop it now,” Jason snaps but Connor still keeps at it. His mouth twitches upwards into a crooked smile and he chuckles nervously.

“W-what?”

“You. Can. Stop. Pretending. I got my memories back.”

Connor stares at him with an unchanging expression, mouth still up in that unsure smile. “Nice man. I’m happy for you.”

Jason groans and pulls back. “I remember you. You can stop with the acting now.”

Connor takes the opportunity to pull away too, a hand going to rub the back of his neck. Another tic when he’s nervous and stressed and Jason feels a twinge of guilt. Stressing Connor wasn’t his intent. What was supposed to happen was Connor breaking out into a big, great laugh and say ‘it took you long enough’ then they go take a swing at the climbing wall.

Connor shouldn’t be uncomfortable like he is now — crap, he didn’t even consider if the Gods were blackmailing Connor to keep quiet.

And Connor definitely shouldn’t be saying, “Look, Jason, I think you got the wrong person. I never met you before you came here last week.”

Three. Two. One. Cue the laughter. A hand clapping on his shoulder. Connor wiping a tear away. “Haha! You fell for it!”

There’s none of that.

Connor — Travis — chuckles again and offer an apologetic smile. “Sorry? I’m not the person you’re looking for.”

Jason takes a closer look at Travis. Travis has Connor’s hair color, a brown color similar to that of a tree’s bark. Eyes that are a slightly lighter shade than the hair. Face structure. Height. The curve of the nose. Their nervous tics. Even the voice. They’re all the same.

The only difference is that Travis smiles more, even in the presence of his superiors, but Connor would smile a lot too when he’s with him.

There’s no conceivable difference.

And if it weren’t for the honesty Jason can see in Travis’s still apologetic eyes, he would call bull.

“You’re not Connor.”

Travis shakes his head.

Jason watches his face for any gives but there is none and shit. He needs to talk with Annabeth and Chiron about this new discovery. He’s 100% certain Travis looks like Connor and if they aren’t the same person then they’re twins.

Maybe they’re what he and Thalia are. Same mother, but different God persona father.

“I’m sorry, Travis, for bothering you. I thought you were somebody else,” Jason apologizes.

Travis thankfully accepts his apology with a hearty pat on the back. “Don’t sweat about it man. I totally did not pee my pants from you glaring at me and dragging me to your cabin. And I totally did not imagine I was going to die gruesomely by your hands alone in his scary cabin.”

“I wouldn’t have hurt you,” Jason says, affronted.

But Travis laughs freely and that definitely is Connor’s laugh. “Dude, you are a scary person. Do you know that?”

“I’ve been told I look like a teddy bear.”

“Who told you that?”

“My friend, Connor.”

“Your friend, my doppelgänger, is lying to you.”

Jason shakes his head. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Connor says what we want to hear.”

“Hey, what kind of guy is my doppelgänger? He sounds like a pushover,” Travis asks, and Jason is painfully aware of the way his crooked grin slants more. It always does that when Connor’s being playful. Do twins share behaviors despite never meeting? Or maybe this is Connor with his identity replaced with a new name. But four beads are on his necklace. According to his knowledge, the beads correspond to years spent on Camp Half Blood. They’re not the same person.

But

‘What kind of guy is Connor?’

Jason’s smile soften. “Connor is loyal. Strong. A model Roman soldier. He’s someone who takes initiative.

“Jason, I can definitely do it! Give me the bomb and I’ll set it up.” “No. There’s 30 monsters standing between you and the site. You will die.” “Nobody else is volunteering and we need you to continue being our leader. Just let me do this, Superman.”

Someone who takes too much initiative. He’s on the front of every battle. He volunteers for crazy stunts no one wants to do. He follows orders to a tee.

Why didn’t you fight back?

He does whatever is asked of him.

Don’t let him talk down to you.

He never complains.

You’re Roman.

He never talks back.

You don’t have to prove it.

He lets people step over him.

You are one of us, Connor.

And I hate that about him.