#idek know if there's anything to be done about it but just knowing would be nice | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

muntitled · 10 months ago

Text

Clockwork | Park Sunghoon

Vampire!Sunghoon x Fem!Reader

Summary: “If there’s one thing stronger than your need to feast,” You lift that hand up once again, “-its your need to fuck."

Warnings: Language, Implied Violence, Dark Fic, Morally Ambiguous!Reader, Blackmail, Reader has a crush, Librarian!Reader, Implied age gap, Confrontation, Smut (+18) mdni, Blood Kink, Biting, Sadism, Masochism, Dom!Sunghoon, Sub!Reader, public sex, dub/Con, fingering, Degradation Kink, Praise Kink, Ownership kink, Pain Kink, Marking, Dumbification, Dacryphilia

Idek yall…

They are such stuff as monsters are made of.

That is the very last thing you are taught about Sunghoon.

That he is something to fear.

Predatory.

Killer.

But all you saw and all you’ll ever see is the boy casted in the shadows of library bookshelves. This is the setting that births your obsession- no- your love for him.

Every Thursday afternoon.

When the library has cleared out.

The only time he’s not with his family. The only time he’s alone.

Like clockwork.

“What do we have here?” A phrase you were obligated to say. Not many townsfolk valued literature and those that did, as per your boss, “needed to find every reason to come back.” Even if that meant mustering a robotic sunshine smile. As if you were a cashier at Starbucks and not a small town librarian.

How you managed to speak so coherently with Sunghoon looming on the other side of the desk remains a complete and utter mystery. If you were driven, otherwise, by the bundle of love knots in your stomach you might have stuttered foolishly and squeaked your way through scanning his books.

“Books.” He answers curtly, brusquely, leaving absolutely no room for further conversation- or interrogation, as it would apparently appear.

Sunghoon is not looking at you. His eyes - those endless golden voids-, are looking down at the mahogany desk you are standing on the opposite side of. You wish for more than anything to feel that otherworldly feeling of having those golden eyes focused completely on you.

What must that feel like?

To have Sunghoon’s sole, undivided attention.

You would soon have the unfortunate pleasure of finding out.

“W-Well I know they’re books,” You continue, stating this with an airy, light chuckle. A chuckle that indicated this conversation should have been over a long time ago and that you’re blatantly aware of that. Why aren’t you keeping your mouth shut?

“I mean- Well I just mean, you know it’s not everyday a 20 year old takes out,” You glance down at the book in your hands before sending it through the system, “Wuthering Heights?” Your brows furrow as you send a second one of his books through the scanner, “Turn of The Screw?” And the final, “Frankenstein-Mary Shelley?"

You quirk a questioning eyebrow up at him- one silently inquiring ‘what the fuck’s up with the archaic books, grandpa?’ But he, of course, is not sparing you a single glance.

Or wait- he does. But for the briefest moment.

"I enjoy literature.” It almost makes you keel over in inexplicable discomfort, the way the words were chewed on before they were forcibly spat out. You can see he is done entertaining your mindless spiel but for some weird, fucking stupid reason, you’re not done with him.

“Well yeah, sure. But I mean, the dust on these books are ageless, you must be the first man to borrow these in like, 40 million years-”

“21.” It is all he says. One little word that cuts your rant short like a heated knife. You glance up at him, hoping those dazzling eyes look down at you.

And they do.

Bloody, fucking, Christ. They do.

“You said 20. I’m 21.” Before you were about to ask how that could be the case- how Sunghoon could be older than you when you distinctly remember finishing high school the same year?

He decides to shock you.

“I got… held back a year. I was already supposed to have graduated.” You are not sure whether it’s the sprinkle of rain that has begun falling. Whether it was the weight of the impenetrable fact that Sunghoon fucking Park has just spoken to you more words than he’s ever said your entire high school career. Or whether-and this may exactly be it-you were affected by those blazing eyes that glided backup to look at you.

Not golden.

Blazing.

For the golden hues have simmered into something darker. They’ve literally bled into a darker shade of the gold-almost yellow hues in his eyes. The breath completely escapes your throat. This time he does not look away.

“R-Right. Of course. Sorry.” You had nothing to be sorry for. How could you ever have known any of Sunghoon’s and his weird friends’ ages when the only people they directly interacted with were the teachers and themselves? You could never have known Sunghoon was 21 and therefore did not need to apologise but… those eyes… they made you sorry.

“It’s just-” why the fuck, after everything, after all of that, is your mouth still moving? It’s like this was your only opportunity of bravery. Your only window letting through a sliver of courage before you would retreat in on yourself for the rest of your waning time in this town. Moving amongst the books like a spectre before you ran off to college.

This was your only opportunity.

“Well they’re all Victorian.” You finally let those words tumble out of your mouth.

You hear the sharp intake of breath.

“Bronte, James, Shelley.” You slide the books to him. “All Victorian… is this pattern the product of some trend I’m missing out on?” You chuckle lightly at the end of that, hoping to wrench one out of him too but you knew that was an impossible feat. Still, the chuckle drains down your throat when you hand him his books. Your fingers, still encircled around the hardbacks, brush over him accidentally.

“Jesus, are you cold?”

He pulls away quickly, evading eye contact like you’d turn him to stone. Evading your touch like your skin scorched his. “It’s raining. I-I could give you a ride-”

Sunghoon gulps visibly. In the span of a single conversation, those dark-golden eyes have stayed firmly on you but now they are prying you apart.

“That won’t be necessary.” He says, swallowing thickly once more.

“Of course.” You wave him off, immediately overcome by the embarrassment of your own presumptuous nature. Sunghoon's gaze drifts down to the books once more.

No. You can’t afford the dismissal. You can’t bear the non-verbal rejection any longer.

The faucet that is your mouth, just continues spewing.

“Vampires aren’t usually the ones being offered a ride, are they?” You turn your head, focusing on the raindrops shooting pellets at the tall library window. Your gaze appears far away but that’s what you want him to think. In your periphery, you see his eyes snap up from the mahogany desk with his head following; enough to make those dark strands bounce in surprise. You know you finally have him.

“I’m the victim,” You continue basking in the attention. Retaining more satisfying heat from his gaze alone than the husky fluorescent buzzing above you both. You are suddenly all too aware that the library is deserted.

“I’m supposed to be coaxed into your car. That’s how it works right? Like Bundy."

You lazily swing your gaze back from the window until you meet his eyes that have bled into an even darker shade of gold. So dark the gold has vanished completely, actually, leaving two soulless depths. His eyes scream, ‘how do you know?’

His jaw is tightened like screws and his fist is clenched so tight it should spout blood.

But there is no blood, is there? Dead things lose all of that.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about-” You lift a hand up. Right there, right in front of his stone face, silencing him immediately.

“That dance gets a little bit tedious, doesn’t it?” You laugh loudly into the hollow air filled with nothing but raindrops and thunder. “A little bit boring?” You give him a smirk. “I know one thing your little family specialises in isn't boredom.”

You make the unforeseen move of stepping back from your computer, slowly making a show of sauntering around the desk. Sunghoon's dark irises track you like a sniper and you revel in it.

You must stop your hands from fisting at your own sides.

You must maintain the little control you have, or it might just cost you your life.

“You're wrong,” he says, “The books. They’re not all Victorian.”

He’s stalling. Deflecting. Trying to distract himself from your nearing frame.

“Frankenstein,” he continues, “Shelley published it in 1818, that’s just short of the start of Victoria’s reign.”

You give him a small, tight-lipped smile.

“Hm. You would know though, wouldn’t you?”

He is pulled into silence.

“But back to your little lie.” Your path is set and your mind is made. “Vampire's daylighting as average university students? That’s a good fucking story.” You nod slowly, “A good fucking story.” You take small, tentative strides closer to him. Not wanting to engage too quickly. Sunghoon was big, tall and looming. Having that kind of frame tense- more tense than he already is, would only result in a blood bath. Your blood bath.

“Everyone at school, everyone in this town thinks you’re all so goddamn close but you wanna know what I think?” You saunter closer and he inhales sharply.

“No.”

You tsk and click your tongue, not stopping your calm gait whatsoever until his scent completely enveloped you. So empty and… dead.

A smell that can’t be masked by the most expensive cologne and yet you enjoyed it. It made your blood race and if what you knew was true, then he could hear the erratics of your heart as well. You wanted him to.

“See, Hoonie-”

“Sunghoon.”

“Hoonie. Why else would you be entertaining this nonsense?” You continue moving closer until his back is pressed against the wooden desk, looking down at you with a near pitch black abyss. You look up at him, feigning innocent doe eyes as you pressed your voluminous chest against him. You dare even let your hand drift over his black, cotton sweater.

“I could-” Sunghoon's eyes flutter closed before he snaps them open again. “I could hurt you. But you know that, don’t you?” A finger slips itself under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him.

Or so you thought.

He continues to lift your chin until you were looking up at the fluorescent light. Then, and only then, did you understand that he was baring your neck to him.

“Aw, Sunghoon.” You chastise lightly, still letting him do with you as you please. Unbeknownst to him, you were leaning in closer, letting your hand slip onto the desk behind him until you found just what you were looking for.

Letter opener.

“I’m counting on you to hurt me, Silly.”

You finally pull back, before he can lower himself further in-before he could go in for the kill.

You aim the sharp two-edged blade of the letter opener into your left palm and, with all the reserve in the world, you cut a long, shallow gash all the way in.

The very second your palm stains crimson, Sunghoon's entire build begins to shake. His chest begins to heave uncontrollably. His face is perfectly the same but somehow you still hear the hungry tufts of air leaving his nostrils, even over the raging rain outside and you smile.

“Trust me.” You say,

“I’m counting on you hurting me,”

“You’re really goddamn stupid, you know that?“ He says cockily, feigning his control when his pitch black eyes are a dead giveaway. The pupils are trained on the beoken skin along your palm and that alone. The blood has begun dripping aimlessly down your palm and you hold it up to him, showing him his prize. Showing him everything he’s been missing.

"Maybe I am. Maybe I’m crazy and stupid.” You discard the letter opener on the carpet beside you. It clunks to the ground and you let out a little sigh.

“You can go ahead and bite me Sung-” You might not explicitly be on a nickname basis, but you figured now was as good a time as any to familiarise yourself with each other, since-

“You’re gonna turn me."

Sunghoon finally rips his onyx eyes away from the dripping crimson faucet and he stares down at you questioningly.

"Why would I do that?” Some hair has fallen in front of his left eye but he makes no move to brush it away, so naturally, you do it for him… using your bleeding left hand.

“Well… because you’re you. And self restraint isn’t very you, Sunghoon.” You tuck the dark strand, now stained lightly with your blood, behind his ear and you begin to trail your hand slowly down the side of his face. Sunghoon's eyes flutter closed and he leans, whether voluntarily or involuntarily, right into your bleeding grip. He turns his head sideways and inhales sharply.

“I knew it.” You marvel at the boy before you. “Sure it was just a theory but- it all fell serendipitously into place: The absent days when it’s sunny out. The deathly paleness. The untouched lunch trays. The old ass books that probably give away your real age.” His eyes are still closed and he is still moving his cheek against your bleeding hand. He hums unintelligibly.

“The ice cold skin was my final check.”

“How clever.”

He produces the first smile you’ve ever seen and the beauty of it releases a wave of endorphins and butterflies in your gut. “You want a cookie for that?” He has a dangerously gorgeous lopsided grin that, coupled with the gleaming, pointed canines that have emerged, leaves your pulse quickening in more places than your heart.

“What’s to stop me from ripping you open right now? There’s no one here. No one will be here in time to stop me from killing you.” He turns to look at you and you almost gasp at how severely sexy your smeared blood on his cheek looks.

“Give me reasons.” He urges with his voice bouncing off the walls.

“I need reasons or-” his eyes flutter closed “-or I just might do it. I will kill you.”

You needed to maintain control. But in that moment you knew and feared that you and him were beginning to realise that your dominant reserve was slipping right through your fingers. It was your turn in the hot seat. Okay.

You got what you wanted. Find out what you needed to find out. But all that came at a price.

You try to keep your voice steady as you answer him.

“As much as it annoys you and me, Sunghoon, it is a fact that you wanna fit in with everyone else.” Sunghoon's eyes never leave yours as you continue talking. “You probably never really had a home and this town allows you to blend in with the rest of us.” He breathes deeply through his nose. “Killing the bookkeeper would put this little fantasy life you've built for yourself in jeopardy,” Your breathing is irregular and harsh and you look at his lips and oh god you need to taste him.

“But you’re still you, Sunghoon. This town can’t and never will change that fact. You’re not like the rest of us,” You finally say, “You’re not-”

In a blur and manipulation of time, space and all the little things in between, you’ve been transported with a swift dash across the room until you were being held by the throat against a bookshelf. Pain stems from the sudden and rapid movement but the firm and unwavering squeeze on your throat, elicits a wave of lust.

“I’m done playing your little mind games.” He’s seething and he’s angry and he’s right where you want him.

“Oh? But we were having so much fun, Sung-” He squeezes your windpipe, so incredibly close to crushing it.

“What do you want?”

You let the first ever genuine smile slip onto your face.

“For you to turn me, Hoonie."

He pauses. Quite literally.

Sunghoon's rapid breathing goes to a complete stand still and his form goes as still as a statue. You deduce that this is him thinking. He’s mapping out all the possible shit storms this would conjure up for him and his precious family and you hold the will to roll your eyes. After a few stunted seconds, Sunghoon eases back again.

"Once I start-”

“You won’t stop? Sunghoon, we’ve been eye fucking this entire time. I'm not sure what it is about Blackmail that gets you off but it's not difficult to see how bad you need it.” He squeezes your throat again in warning, already telling you all you need to know.

He's not sure why he's attracted to you. He shouldn't be. Whether its the fact that you should already be dead for even knowing his secret- for thinking you can offee him an ultimatimatum- its your sheer fucking guts that has him warming with attraction.

Your words slowly bring him up for air. “If there’s one thing stronger than your need to feast,” You lift that hand up once again, “-its your need to fuck. Vampires are immortal so they draw pleasure from the little things. The pleasurable things. That bulge in your pants can’t go unnoticed, Sunghoon, no matter how long you want it t-”

Sunghoon rolls his eyes before he murmurs: “Just shut up,”

He crashes his lips right onto yours. The kiss is not only electric but it’s magnetic. As if you would not be able to pull away even if you wanted to. And his firm grip on your throat keeps you there. It’s strong and he squeezes as he licks on your bottom lip, coaxing the opening out of you. So naturally, you moan, and the bastard uses the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth.

You needn’t open your eyes to see he was half-smiling into your kiss. That little nugget of information made you need him even more. During your kiss, you squeeze your legs together. Sunghoon hums disapprovingly in your mouth, sending his other hand down your thigh, urging them apart.

“You can’t do that.” He breaks the kiss and says the words at a perfectly even breathe, meanwhile you were a heaving mess.

“What?” You inquire dumbly, all too focused on his hand on your jeans to rather give a fuck about anything else.

“Pathokinesis.” Is all he says before he ducks down into the crook of your neck, ripping the gasp out of your lungs by force. His large hand around your throat moves up to your cheek, rubbing the skin with his thumb softly.

“Don’t do that.” He says into your neck before venturing to flick his tongue out, licking the skin and driving you all too insane. You almost don’t register his words but the weight of his revelation has you tumbling to your senses momentarily.

“What? So you can like-”

“Sense and manipulate your emotions?” He says, coming up from your neck. “Yeah.” He nods once before he takes your mouth in his once more.

“What you feel,” he mumbles in between the kiss, “I feel too."

Yet another gasp strains your throat when you feel two sharp teeth graze against the skin of your plump bottom lips as Sunghoon pulls away.

Have you really thought any of your movements through?

What if sex with a vampire was fatal?

You’re about to spiral into oblivion before Sunghoon speaks up.

"No.” He says curtly, and you’re all too aware of the hand trying to push past your denim jeans. “You’re not pulling back on me now. Not after everything.” You’re in awe of his words.

“Jesus, so you really can feel everything.”

That life threatening smile again.

“Pretty much.”

He begins to undo the buttons of your pants tentatively, almost meticulously, as if you were fortunate to have all the time in the world. You’re about to urge him to hurry the fuck up but one of the shelves behind your head collapses. Books fall to a sad heap on the floor and the wood is snapped in tiny pieces. Sunghoon's hand was leaning against that particular shelf.

Maybe he’s not as calm as he’d like to convey.

“There is one thing,” the buttons are undone but he’s stopped moving his fingers. They are in fact paused on the lining of your underwear. The material is calmly in between his index and thumb, creating the sickest, most twisted need you’ve ever felt. You almost abandon modesty and grind into him right then and there.

His next words however, have you almost wanting to keel over in grief.

“I’m not gonna fuck you,” he says with a sick smile.

“Why?” It's all you can manage and suddenly, you think the universe must be smiling at the irony of this situation. The encounter had begun with You as the master of this blackmail, yet here you were, grovelling for him.

“I think you’re really good at getting what you want,” he says, leaning forward and slowly, oh so slowly, letting his hand slip into the fabric. The graze of his fingers on you cunt alone making you almost sob out in need.

“And I’m not gonna allow that.” He concludes before pushing his hand all the way in. Sunghoon does nothing but snicker when he feels the pool of wetness.

“This is how this is gonna work,” he uses his free hand to pick up your limp left one. The wound is of considerable size however, the blood is not flowing as much but it’s still there.

“You’re gonna give me this.” He lifts your limp hand up and you comply like a puppet on a string. “And I’m gonna give you this.” His fingers-the index and the middle,- flick over your clit, causing you to let out an aching whimper.

“Got it?” He’s already placing your bloody palm against his plump lips and you’re too enamoured. Too enamoured at the sight of his tongue sticking out and lapping at the blood as if it were a healing potent. You’re too enamoured to respond and he does not like this one bit.

Sunghoon flicks another finger against your clit.

“JESUS!” You scream into the empty library. Sunghoon, who’s eyes were closed, shoots open and he hums disapprovingly.

“No,” he says irritably, “Sunghoon. Say Sunghoon.”

You’re a drunken, sex filled mess. “Fuck-Sunghoon.” He smiles, satisfied, before returning to your palm. You begin to grind into his fingers and his chuckles.

“Sung… Sunghoon please.” There are tears staining your eyes and you’re so completely torn apart. The thrill of it being in a public setting. The rain. The licking on your palm. It’s too much.

Way too fucking much.

“Please? Please let you finish?” Sunghoon asks mockingly and a sob releases from your throat as your hips begin to buck into his hands. “You’d like me to let you cum all over my hand?”

“Please, Hoonie. Please.”

“That’s a shame…” He replies, “I thought we were having so much fun.” You do not even have the strength to act stunned at having your words being flung back at you, you’re too focused on the fingers that have slipped inside of you and the hissing noise escaping Sunghoon's throat.

It’s all so unbelievable. Sunghoon pulls back and hisses loudly. Your heart stops at the sight of his canines elongating even further but that all falls away when he sinks them further into your palm. Biting down.

Hard.

“Hoon..” You're completely out of it. The fingers slide in and out and in and out, searching rapidly for your g-spot, but in the very same breath, there’s a sharp, bright and blinding pain in your left palm, letting the tears fall as they may.

“Fuck, Sunghoon! Oh god! It hurts! It hurts so fucking bad!” You’re sobbing but his fingers inside you are relentless and his sucking, even more so. You feel like nothing but an object of his pleasure as your hand begins to grow numb. Sure he was bringing you to orgasm, the very same time you felt even that was for his own pleasure.

Never had you experienced a pain quite like this. This pain felt otherworldly. Diabolical. As if someone were ripping the nails right out of your fingers. As if you slammed the car door in on your hand repeatedly.

And the pain. God, the pain is white and bright, you fear passing out may be inevitable.

Sunghoon brings his head up, releasing his fangs from your palm but continuing his assault by licking and sucking on the two indents. “I know, my beautiful, beautiful girl,” he says, “I know."

The sobs stop, perhaps because you want to hear his voice. Perhaps because you feed on his praises. "You’re so beautiful, you know that?” he mutters unsoundly in between his licks, “So pretty, so perfect.” You realise he’s as delirious as you, his eyes are wide, gazing down at the madwoman before him with his own madness swirling in his irises. His lips are stained red and somehow that sets you over the edge.

“Hoonie?”

His eyes are red. Blood red. You gasp. “I’m-” You don’t finish the sentence, already feeling your orgasm crest as you carelessly fling yourself over the edge. It hits you and you forget all about the pain. All about the blood.

“That’s it, my pretty, pretty girl.” He encourages and your body is shaking violently against the book rack. Your eyes are screwed shut and you’re rocking uncontrollably into his hand.

In that moment, Sunghoon may have thought that he gained everything, but you gained far more. And when you come out of that high, once the fog cleared and the rain simmered down to a tiny, light pitter patter.

You begin to feel…

New.

“Welcome to immortality, Beautiful.” He whispers in your ear with that recognizable lopsided smirk.

You feel… empty. Drained. You feel nothing at all.

“Population… You”

#enhypen #enhypen smut #enhypen x reader #sunghoon #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon smut #park sunghoon x reader #park sunghoon #park sunghoon smut #enhypen x black reader #enhypen headcanons #sunghoon x black!reader #park sunghoon x black!reader

787 notes · View notes

naybii · 7 months ago

Text

“I’ll show you how a real man treats a woman” - Park Sunghoon .

cw: Mentions of cheating, College! AU, roomie!sunghoon, revenge sex, protected (pls wrap it up.), consensual. (Non consensual activities isn’t Valid.), phone call fucking, recording. (Practically recording since your being shown on call), Exhibitionism,cunnilingus, polite! Sunghoon - (polite men are so AGHH) , aftercare massage, comfort words, pet names (good girl, gorgeous, etc.)

A/n: I’m writing this san fic but Idk if I’ll ever release it. Because holy shit writers block is a bitch. I actually finished the story. But I used some words or lines from my san fic holy shiett. Also I’m new to writing Smut So idek if this is good.

“Are you fucking serious, Aaron, you’re fucking my bestfriend?” You said. Agitated. Who could blame you? “It was an impulse, y/n. You would’ve done the same if you were me.” He tried to defend himself but you didn’t want to hear it. You Walked into Your boyfriend, getting it on with your bestfriend. “I can’t believe you either Mara.” You Snapped. You not only Felt angry, but you felt betrayed. “Wait, y/n please. Let me explain” Mara begged you to at least hear her out but you didnt, you grabbed your phone from the Countertop and immediately left.

-‘sunghoon im going back to the dorms.’ You immediately texted him.

-‘hm? Something bad happened between you guys?’ He Replied with a tone of Curiosity, he was Nosey. But that’s Not the point right now.

-‘worse, he cheated on me with Mara.’ You revealed. Meanwhile Sunghoon wasn’t really surprised but didn’t want to be that person who says ‘I told you so’ because he doesn’t want to make you Mad either.

-‘well, im sorry. I’ll be waiting for you at the dorms.’ He felt Obviously bad for you, his Apology was genuine. Of course Aaron was a dick. Before you guys even started dating. He slept around a lot. To the point where like the whole female population on campus probably knows how he is in bed. He was obnoxious. And he had known something was Wrong with him.

You made it back to your Dorm, Punching in your Pin and The door Made a little click! You walked into the dorm, your footsteps Heavy as You plopped onto the couch. This was to much to take In, sunghoon was In his bedroom but Had heard to come into the dorm, getting up from his bedroom and greeting you.

“I’m sorry y/n.” He said. He hadn��t done anything but he had still appeared to be apologetic. “So, you just walked into their ‘sesssion’? That’s. Great.” He said with obvious sarcasm. You knew that sunghoon hadn’t liked him, one bit. Not because he was dating you. actually maybe that but he had heard by some women around campus always twirling their hair and Giggling just talking about Aaron.

“I’m sorry to say this but, he’s a man-whore y/n.” He admitted his Feelings about Aaron. “Why should you be sorry? It’s true. He Wows every girl he comes across and brings them all home.” Sunghoon then Furrowed his eyebrows. “And you stayed? That’s a lot of dedication, have you to even slept together?” He was so surprised, why would you stay with him, even after cheating and Toxicity from him? “No, we haven’t even kissed.” You were a little ashamed, what was even the point of staying with him, when you guys haven’t even kissed once??

“Goddamnit, y/n you’re hopeless, he doesn’t know How to take care of his own girlfriend? Meanwhile he’s sleeping around with other women? No y/n. It’s not that he Doesn’t Like you. It’s because he Doesn’t Fuck with you. Are you that dense?” Sunghoon Already Lecturing you about relationships and How dumb you were being When in your Relationship with Aaron wasn’t comforting either. “You’re not helping Sunghoon. Are you jealous?” You asked him. I mean maybe sometimes he seemed jealous but you just assumed that.

“Jealous? What is there to be jealous of? he’s just a man-child. Who can’t control himself infront of woman, looking at one and immediately popping a boner. That’s Not a man Y/n. That’s a boy. And let me tell me, I know how to Take care of a woman. Like a real man.” You were immediately silenced. “What? Did i Silence you because you’re scared? Or because you know I’m right?” Oh my god the way he was speaking to you was Lowkey Hot. Wait. Y/n that’s your roommate. You just got out of a relationship with your cheating boyfriend. You can’t just homie hop out of nowhere.

“I’m not scared of you, you’re not right either!” You weren’t lying. You were in denial. All your Time with Aaron you thought he wanted you so bad but it was the opposite. You knew sunghoon is a 100% right. But your ego was hurt from the Fact that your ‘boyfriend’ didn’t Even vibe with you. “Oh, so I’m not right? You’d rather be living all your life; lying to yourself, that your boyfriend who doesn’t even love you. Loves you?” He said In disbelief. This girl.. “you’re absolutely pathetic, y/n. It’s sad, sadder than the notebook.” He said infront of your face. You remember he said he Knew How to Treat a woman and how he was such a ‘man’

“You’re not a man at all sunghoon, you’re not a saint at all!!..you’re just some Boy.” You don’t even know what you were saying. But that pissed sunghoon off. “ ‘Some boy’? I’m just ‘some boy’? Y/n. You’re actually Ridiculous.. if you’re just gonna let yourself get cheated on, you’re just gonna keep complaining about it. And nagging me. You’re gonna keep getting hurt y/n, it’s not healthy. I’m not saying these things To be mean.

If you don’t. Get hurt by your boyfriend Cheating. Then you shouldn’t be hurt by Some criticism.” He knew He was right, you were just insecure and needs At least one thing you said, right. “Oh, I see what you’re doing. You’re hurting and placing the blame on me because you still stayed that whole time when he was cheating on you.” He Chuckled. My god you Were miserable.

“That’s a low thing you could do, y/n placing the Blame on your roomie? That’s not nice is it?” He shifted closer to you On the couch. still Mad but He had a sly Look on his face. “How about I show you, how a real man treats a woman like you?” You were enticed. Man. Sex with sunghoon? Yes please. You immediately nodded, but had thought for a Moment.

“Sunghoon?” You Asked him, not knowing if he’d even hear your Proposal out. “Yes, y/n?” He Asked back. “Can you call my ex while we fuck?” You said that so boldly, Sunghoon was caught off guard by the proposal, but had nodded. “Sure. So this is revenge sex, right?” He asked you. Making sure That he wasn’t getting any wrong idea.

“Yes, revenge sex. Even if he calls while we’re fucking. Answer. And turn the fucking camera on. Alright?” Sunghoon had pink Spots on his face and nodded. Showing yourself to your ex on phone call, fucking your roommate was not what He was expecting to hear from you. But he nodded. “Yeah, alright.” He looked over at you and Had Glanced into your eyes. “May i?” He asked softly he wasn’t afraid to kiss you or anything but he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. “Yes, please sunghoon.”

You Nodded desperately. He smiled softly and moved your hair behind your delicate face. Kissing you softly. He grabbed you by the hips, you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist, one Hand on your waist, the other on your Ass. He walked over to his bedroom, with you in his Arms,he swiftly opened the door with his hand, carrying you with only his hand on your ass. He kicked the door softly. The door clicking close. He Gently laid you onto his bed. Taking in all of you. And Smiled. “You’re genuinely so pretty, y/n.

“Im really not, Sunghoon.” You Rejected his compliment and Remained humble, a little too humble. “Y/n, kindly shut up and take the compliment from me. I mean it, you’re too harsh on yourself.” He replied to your Comment about yourself he took his jacket off, a subtle little smile on his face. God bless his future wife on the first night. He zipped his jacket off, taking it off and tossing it onto his chair. He Rolled his sleeves up and he walked over to you. “May I take this skirt off?” Was that even a question? Yes,yes,yes. “Yes,yes,yes, please take it off.” You were getting desperate. But come on. It was Park Sunghoon.

“Alright. lift those hips up for me.” He mumbled against his breath. You complied, raising your hips up. “Good girl, let’s take those off.” He murmured and Slid your Skort (skirts and shorts) down to your ankles , letting Them fall down. They fell down your ankles, onto the floor. He glanced over at your pretty underwear. They were a white lacey underwear with strawberries on it, of course with that signature pink bow at the waistband. There was already a damp spot at the front. Which sunghoon immediately noticed. “You’re wet already?” He Asked you with Amusement in his voice, you could hear that smile in his voice.

“N-no. That’s Just. Uhmm. Yeah I am.” You said, ashamed and a little bit embarrassed about that. He Chuckled at your Response and embarrassment and He he ran his hand up and down your fabric-covered folds.making you shiver. “You like that?” He Asked you, making sure you were comfortable. He grabbed a few pillows. And placed one under your back and another under your head so you were at least a little more comfortable. “Let me slide these to the side.”

He muttered and Slid the fabric of your underwear to the side. Seeing your glistening and Needy cunt. “What a pretty pussy, my lady.” He admired every Part of your body. Even after insulting you. “I’m just gonna have to rip this off of you I swear.” He joked. But he Wasn’t shy at all. He Then Looked into your eyes. “May I?” He was too polite. But you could tell he was Raised that way Which led to that proper attitude.

“Fuck yes, you may.” He knelt down, knees on the floor and his face between your thighs. His breath fanning against your pussy.He then got an experimental lick of your cunt. Humming from the sweetness. “Holy shit, you taste amazing.” He said, “I need another taste, I haven’t ate so, count this as my dinner.” He immediately started to Devour you. His tongue swiping Up and down between your folds.

The explicit sounds of Him, slurping on your Sweet juices. Feasting on you. Both hands On your thighs, the tip of his nose Swiping up and down on your clit. Which stimulated You even more. “Fuck sunghoon.” You Moaned softly, tilting your head back and pursing your lips. “Don’t hold back gorgeous, let me hear how I’m making you feel.” He whispered against your Folds. Then Suckling on your folds. Pulling his head back with your folds in his mouth then letting go, moving his head Side to side, your clit Being Stimulated once more With his Nose and it felt so damn good.

“Fuck sunghoon.” You moaned out loud. Sunghoon Was Making you feel good. He was doing you good. “You like that, my Gorgeous woman?” You guys weren’t even dating and he’s already calling you such things? Oh that made you feel so wanted. He started to suck on your Clit, this tongue Swirling on the most Sensitive part of your clit. Who am I kidding? Every part of it was sensitive. You Sat up to take your Shirt, sliding it off and Tossing it onto his floor, you were wearing your Matching brassiere along with the underwear but the. Unclasped it. Your breasts jiggling from coming out of its confines.

You looked at sunghoon, between your thighs. Hands Running up and down your legs and Treating you like a real woman. He Glance up at you and he looked so fucking good from this angle. All in your folds and Cunt. you felt yourself getting close from the ticklish feeling in it. And You raised your hips a little on Impulse. “Oh fuck, Sunghoon. I’m close.” You announced to him, he nodded and Went back to eating your pussy out, he took on hand off your thigh and using his thumb to rub your clit. You Moaned From the double Stimulation and You Bit your lip. Then Feeling you Starting your orgasm you cried out loud and Moaned. Arching your back and Trying to push out the feeling.

You underestimated the push and Ended up Squirting all over sunghoons face. He was drenched in your Bodily Fluids, and Even his bed was covered with it. You Looked so embarrassed, covering your face. Though sunghoons reaction was priceless. “Holy shit, you squirted everywhere, y/n. But hey. Don’t cover that beautiful face of yours.. it’s natural.” He Comforted you. He then Got up from his knees, and Walked to his drawer and grabbing a Condom.

You noticed it was a large Sized condom and you were laying there. Thighs drenched and Still sensitive. “I’ll give you time for you to Desensitize. I know How It is for girls. Let me grab some Things Alright?” You nodded and Just laid on the Comfy and nice mattress. Sunghoon went to the Kitchen, going towards the cabinet and grabbing the coconut oil. He Walked back to the room. Closing the cabinet door. And setting the Coconut oil on the nightstand.

He placed the condom in his mouth. Trying to Get his pants off. Fiddling with his pants zipper and button. Before Successfully pulling them Off, along with his Boxer-briefs. He was like 7-8 inches, he Proceeded to Rip the condom wrapper off and grabbed it from the Packaging. rolling it onto his stiff cock. He Took his Shirt off. And finally took your underwear off throwing them onto his bedroom floor for like the 9th time. He then Crawled onto the bed and sat onto the bed, back against the headboard.

“Come ride me, y/n.” He Whispered loud enough for you to hear the seductive tone in his voice. You crawled your way over to him and Started straddling his Hips. “Hey, don’t get so impatient, I need to lubricate.” He chuckled at you. Grabbing the coconut oil and grabbing a generous amount, smearing some onto his cock. He Looked at you and smiled softly. “Don’t panic, let me help you.” He Guided your hips Down a little. Feeling his Tip of his cock-head pressing against your entrance you moaned a little bit, but it was more of a wince than a Moan. “Fuck.” You Winced. “It’s alright, I’m right here..” he comforted you and kissed your Cheek. He felt you sink down lower into him and finally sitting down on him. “Good job, see? I told you that you could. Do it.”

He then started to let you adjust to his size, though he wasn’t that big but it was better than any smaller Size. You started to move a little, wrapping your arms around his neck, circling your hips a little. You moaned softly. “Oh,fuck.” You cried out softly. Around 3 minutes later you started moving at your own pace, Moaning and Bouncing up and down on his Cock. Sunghoon was Moaning pretty softly. You could slightly hear him. He threw his head back. And bit his lip. “Oh fuck, y/n. Fuckk.” He was vocal while you were riding him, you might get noise complaints from the other college students in the dormitories but man, that didn’t matter right now.

“Oh my god, Sunghoon. I’m gonna fucking come again.” You warned him and He slapped your ass while you were still Bouncing on and off his cock. Your phone started ringing, and sunghoon had picked it up.

AARON // SUNGHOON

-‘y/n I’m sorry.” It was Aaron

-“y/n’s pretty busy.” Sunghoon said, still focused on you Riding his cock. He moaned a slight bit.

-“who the fuck is this?” Aaron was In his room, with Mara. And Mara was shocked hearing Sunghoon moan. She knew it was sunghoon since you,sunghoon, and Mara would talk sometimes.

-“this is sunghoon, Y/ns roomate?” Sunghoon glanced over at you and smiled. ‘Good girl, riding my cock good.’ He said. Aaron obviously hearing what Sunghoon said.

-“excuse me??.. are you fucking my girlfriend?” Aaron said over the line, just because I cheated doesn’t mean you should either. he thought.

-“hell yes I am. Let me show her off, bouncing off my Cock like the gorgeous girl she is.” Sunghoon turned the camera on. Showing you, riding on sunghoons dick. Moaning and whimpering, you were a damn mess. But you were still so pretty to sunghoon. “Isn’t she so pretty On my Cock Aaron?”

-“you fucking cheater!! You’re still mine.” Aaron Said furiously until Sunghoon cut him off.

-“no she’s not, I’m the first one in her Pussy, aren’t I? You didn’t Even Bother To kiss your own girl Aaron. Besides, she wants me, is that Right?” You were whining and Moaning then saying “yes I’m fucking yours.” He chuckled and Asked you a question. “Who’s is it?” You Were Concentrating on riding him, then saying. “This pussy’s yours, sunghoon.” You cried out loud.

-“…”

- phone call has ended. -

“He ended the call, Y/n.” Sunghoon finally said. Kneading your breasts in his hands. “You’re mine, right?” You nodded at his question and You quietly said. “I’m gonna come.” He chuckled and smiled. “I’m almost there.” You Were desperate for release so you began to Move on him faster. That caught sunghoon of guard. Then he moaned out loud. “Fuckk y/n.” He twitched inside of you “fuck I’m cumming.” He said. Before finally bucking his hips into you. Hitting your G-spot on accident making you climax as well. “Fuck! Oh shit.” You twitched in his arms.

Crying out loud and panting. Collapsing in his arms. “I’m here, y/n..” he kissed your cheek and pulled out gently. Placing you onto the bed. And the got up to dispose of the used condom. Rolling it off of him and throwing it in the trash. You guys laid In bed for a little. Sunghoon giving your back and thighs a massage. “Isn’t that alright?” You nodded and Laid in his arms. He kissed you and whispered some words In your ears. “You did so good.. get some beauty sleep. I’ll clean this up tomorrow.

#scenario #sunghoon #enhypen #smut #kpop #park sunghoon #sung hoon #enhypen smut #enhypen fanfiction #enha x reader #enhypen x reader

256 notes · View notes

evansbby · 8 months ago

Text

an update from me :)

hey everyone, i know i haven’t been very active on here lately. and the reason is because a lot of things in my life have changed. i’ve been debating even sharing this but i feel like i’m in a good enough position to be okay with sharing it.

so these past two years, i had been super active on here (late 2022- early 24) and that was because, well, I didn’t really have anything else. that’s because I had graduated in 2022 and then i just couldn’t find a job in my field. like so many other recent graduates, it was just so hard and tough and it really made me lose all faith in myself.

i found myself to be in the worst mental state i had ever been. I cut myself off from my friends, felt like a burden towards my family, was having meltdowns and panic attacks almost daily, even started eating unhealthily and was just overall in a very bad place.

HOWEVER, i always felt like I could come on tumblr and that’s why i was so active and writing all these stories because honestly, they were almost like a crutch to me. like the ONE thing i had to look forward to in life during those times was the feedback I’d get when i posted a fic, and honestly it’s what kept me going. like i swear to god, on some days this blog and community was the only thing that i had to look forward to and keep me going, and writing felt like such a huge escape.

because i felt so USELESS. like i was wasting my life and not making any money or being able to kickstart my career after uni, and that it would be like this forever, so when I was writing it actually felt like I was doing something with a purpose. honestly on some days I would literally wake up early and go sit in Starbucks all day just writing my fics like i was cosplaying working or something just so I’d have a purpose. (I don’t go to Starbucks anymore lol boycott)

anyways, i never shared this on tumblr these past few years bc you guys don’t understand what a failure i felt like. i would sometimes get asks on here asking what i did for a job and I’d feel so embarrassed of my current state of being unable to find a job when it felt like everyone else who had graduated with me had one and obtained one so easily. like i felt ASHAMED.

i remember once i got an ask asking what my job was and I just said “fashion marketing” bc that was one of the things i wanted to do and id done an internship in that field so i just put that but it was a LIE i was unemployed and the most depressed ive been in my whole life but I thought maybe i could manifest it.

ANYWAYS, and you’ve probably already guessed it, but the reason I’m not so active anymore is because I did eventually find a job. a really good one that I’m enjoying so much and I’m so happy at. Finally, I’m feeling like myself again, like I’m living that life in London as a twenty something that I’d see everyone on tiktok living!! Like I’m finally just having fun, going out with friends, being active, having money to spend on fun things etc.

and it feels so surreal and crazy because when i was depressed and jobless, it made me doubt myself so much. Like the constant rejections and failed interviews made me doubt myself and lowered my self esteem so much and I thought I’d NEVER achieve this life that i have now! And I don’t want to jinx it but I literally thank God every day for finally granting me this because I really feel like I would’ve gotten worse and worse and IDEK.

But back to the main point, and so because of my new job I just don’t have that much time for tumblr anymore. But this isn’t a goodbye post… not at all! I find that when I’m super busy in life is also when I get the most motivated to write! Like for example in summer 2022 I was on here so much and that was the summer I had the most fun, was the most busy. I think when I’m busy in life, I get motivated to write.

Which I believe is the case right now, because I’m SO motivated to complete all my stories, I keep thinking about them and writing them slowly, so please don’t think anything is abandoned! I just wanted to make this post to be more transparent about what’s been going on in my life and what had been going on these past two years. That maybe someone else going through something similar can see that eventually, everything does work out.

Anddd I don’t really know how to end this. I just want to say, yall don’t understand just how thankful I am for having this blog, this platform, to write my stories. For having you guys. Because who knows how much worse my mental state would’ve been these past two years when I didn’t have ANYTHING else going for me, if I hadn’t had this blog it would’ve been so much worse.

Thank you so much for believing in me and enjoying my stories and always always letting me know how much you enjoy them. And I’ll say the truth; I know everyone says that engagement on tumblr has been bad lately but I can say that bc of you guys I have literally never EVER had this issue. And that’s not me being big headed, that’s just the truth and it makes me so happy and grateful. Yall always came through for me and still do now! Every time I think my fic is going to flop, you guys come through for me. I appreciate it so much. You guys have no idea how much you helped me when I was at my lowest. And continue to.

Many thanks

Me 🩷🩷🫶🏼🫶🏼

#my thoughts 💭#reallt felt vulnerable putting this out there

228 notes · View notes

unforth · 8 months ago

Text

Alright not to like liveblog my breakdown on main but yesterday was a really bad day after a really bad, like, 4 months, and I've hit a bit of a breaking point and one of the only things in my life that can give is running @mdzsartreblogs , @tgcfartreblogs , @svsssartreblogs , @erhaartreblogs , @tykartreblogs , and @cnovelartreblogs , so that is what has to give. It's been a 99-out-of-100 days thankless job. A small number of people do say thank you and yall I appreciate you so much (HUGE shout-out to the artist I met at Flamecon who gifted me a zine when I said I ran these blogs, @bonesblubs you rock) but I have never done an act of fandom labor simultaneously this labor intensive yet this invisible before and, uh. It sucks. I spend an hour or more a day on this every day, if it's under 2k hours since I started the first of these in September 2020 I'd be shocked. And I do it because I love it but doing it means I don't have time or energy to do other things I love. And I really don't want to just quit, but I can't keep this up.

In a last-ditch effort to try not to just give up, I'm making the following changes:

1. Only watching one tag per fandom for the MXTX fandoms. I am going to check *only* #tgcf, #svsss, and #mdzs. Artwork posted to any other tag, I will not see unless a mutual reblogs it.

2. Reduced tagging (even more). I'm only going to tag characters and maybe overarching au type (eg, "modern au," "fantasy au"). I'll no longer tag creatures. I will continue to tag the same common trigger warnings I already tag.

3. If a work's appearance doesn't make it obvious what it is AND the tags aren't clear, I'm not going to reblog. I can't keep spending 5 minutes or more trying to figure out what I'm even looking at, scared that if I guess wrong the artist will get mad at me for mistagging their work. If I do reblog, I'll tag only the artist name and/or whatever else I can identify for sure.

4. I am no longer going to follow #link click. The fandom is just too big. I've started dreading checking it. If I was more into it and less busy I would make another spin off just for it but neither of those is true. (The art is so good, I hate to do this, but. If you love link click, highly recommend the main tag, lots of great stuff there.)

5. I will no longer tag any non-cnovel content in the art/post. Like, if someone draws, idek, Xie Lian and Marinette from Ladybug, I'm not gonna put any tags for Marinette, just for Xie Lian.

6. Basically if I run into something hard to tag or confusing or unclear, my new policy is I'm not gonna fricken bother.

I think those are everything but idefk, I cried for 3 hours last night and got 4 hours of sleep so I'm mostly fueled by exhaustion and desperation right now and my memory is even more fried than usual.

How artists can help. This is obviously all optional. You do you. But since some people might want to know what would make my life easier, I'm sharing. I'm not claiming I feel entitled to dictate how people fandom or anything like that.

1. Put the tags for the character(s) and ship(s) early in the tag list.

2. If you make art for a fandom that isn't one of the big ones (right now the only big danmei fandoms on tumblr as far as I can tell are the MXTX fandoms and maybe 2ha) I am begging you to use my tracked tag #cnovelartreblogs

3. Do mdzs art? Tag #mdzs. Do tgcf art? Tag #tgcf. Do svsss art? Tag #svsss.

4. Not only artists, but everyone, *please* stop tagging fandoms not discussed and/or depicted in your post. It's gotten to be stupid common for people to blanket the danmei fandom tags with posts only about one fandon (like, svsss-only works also being tagged mdzs and tgcf and 2ha for some damn reason). This isn't about just my sideblogs tbh this is just fandom etiquette that seems to have been forgotten or never learned by many. Tagging unrelated fandoms isn't "reach," it's annoying. People go into the #mdzs tag to see mdzs, not whatever not-mdzs stuff people have decided to tag for ~reach~, and seeing the same post in 8 tags, none of which it's related to, is so damn irritating, and makes scrolling the tags looking for content that IS relevant take that much longer. Knock it off.

Okay. I think that's as much as I'm prepared to meltdown where everyone can see. Thanks in advance everyone for your understanding, and apologies to everyone about to see this 8 times as I reblog it to each sideblog.

At least I'm not tagging it to everywhere. 🤣🤣🤣

#unforth rambles

170 notes · View notes

ysabelyaps · 3 months ago

Text

Piercing My Heart

⇠✧❀✧⇢

Summary: Se-Mi is your girlfriend and has been begging you to let her pierce you. So for your 2 year anniversary, you decide you’ll finally let her.

Genre: Fluff

Warning: A very sleepy Ysa’s writings

A/N: Guys idek where I’m going with this. Also I hate English, I wish it was my first language bro. Shit would be much easier 💔

⇠✧❀✧⇢

“Happy anniversary my love!!” Is the first noise you hear today, it’s like 7 in the morning on a Saturday. Why is Se-Mi awake at 7 on a Saturday?

“Uh- happy anniversary.. and good morning..” you yawned, it was too early for this. “..why are you up so early..?”

Se-Mi gave you a cheeky grin, one that concerns you as it typically means she’s up to something, but you also love that grin so much. You think it’s adorable.

“Remember how you said I can pierce you today?” shit. You forgot about that. You weren’t going to back out, but why at 7 am? And why is she looking at you like that.

“Yeah..?”

“I’m giving you two options, unless you wanna back out. Another ear piercing, or a belly button piercing. Personally, I think both would look super hot but all up to you. You look pretty now too if you wanna back out”

⇠✧❀✧⇢

For some reason you told Se-Mi you didn’t care and to do what she wanted, was it the sleepiness? Probably. To be completely honest, you were terrified. You got your first ear piercing when you were a baby so you don’t remember it, and you were scared it was going to hurt.

Anyways, she decided to do both, the second ear piercing and a belly button piercing. Would you regret this in the future? Possibly. But anything to make Se-Mi happy.

“Se-Mi if these get infected I swear to god.”

“Yeah yeah I know silly. It wont get infected.” You were holding onto a pillow as you laid on the couch, looking up at her as she prepped her tools or whatever. (Idk what the thingy is)

“Do you know what you’re doing?” She gave you a look. Is that a yes? Finally she was done prepping, “ready?”

“Yeah. Wait- no. Well. No yes. Actually-”

Se-Mi just sat there patiently while she waited for you to figure out what you wanted. She was so patient with you it was so sweet, you loved it so much.

“Okay yes. Is it going to hurt?”

“Just hug the pillow sweetheart.” Se-Mi said as she leaned in towards your ear.

“But what if-“ and you feel a sharp pain in your ear, not that it was too painful but still there. “Ow..”

“You okay?” Se-Mi backed away, looking at you.

“Uh.. yeah. Just hurt a little.”

“If it’s too much I can stop” you shook your head. You promised her she could do this and she was really excited. You trusted her. It would just be a few quick pokes and then you’d be done.

⇠✧❀✧⇢

So, those few pokes resulted in you crying and Se-Mi hugging you. She felt bad even though you insisted it was fine between tears. You just happened to have a very low pain tolerance.

Now you guys were cuddling on the couch with a blanket over the two of you as you were falling asleep again, for a nap. You loved naps. Se-Mi loved watching you nap in the least weirdest way possible.

“Happy anniversary Se-Mi.. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

#squid game #se mi squid game #se mi x reader #wlw x reader #wlw #squid games x reader #fluff #fanfic #ysa !!

96 notes · View notes

flippinpancakes64 · 10 months ago

Note

the cullens with reader who is a professional ice skater but is VERY nervous about their finals because they think they will mess up

The Cullens with an Ice Skater Reader

I have never skated before so... hopefully this is good

But I did go through a Yuri on Ice phase in middle school so maybe that will make up for it

Thank you for requesting and I hope you like it!

Edward:

He can hear all of your thoughts

And he does his best to shut them all down as soon as he hears them

He knows that you are a great skater

He's seen it before

And not only that, but he knows that you are amazing in other aspects of your life too

He has absolutely no doubts in his mind that you are going to do amazing

Does his best to reassure you

And will do anything you need him to

You want some cuddles? Of course

You don't want to see him at all and just want to focus and practice? Consider him a ghost

Alice:

She already knows that you won't mess up

She's seen it in the future

But she doesn't tell you because she doesn't want to interfere with it

She reassures you though

She tries her best to give encouraging words and reassuring promises

When you do eventually compete and don't mess up she tells you about her vision

You get a bit upset that she didn't just tell you that in the first place

But then she kisses you so all's well :)

Jasper:

He could feel your anxiety from a mile away

And it was persistent

It was rubbing off on him a little bit

Even though, logically, he knew that there was no way you would mess up, he couldn't help but feel what you did

At least to an extent

He used his ability on you pretty consistently at the house

Just so you could at least relax before your big day

Other than that he'd stay pretty much in the shadows

He doesn't want to distract you during a time like this

Will give you the biggest kiss ever when you're done

Even though he doesn't like PDA

Rosalie:

She could sense that you were stressed out

But she was genuinely confused as to why

She had seen you run your routine literally hundreds of times

And every time it looked perfect

Even when you did make a mistake, she thought it looked intentional

She told you as much too

Unlike the others, though, she would force you to get out of the house and out of the practice rink (? is that what it's called idek)

She would take you out for a day to get your mind off of things

She is not shocked when you do perfectly btw

Emmett:

He sort of has the same mindset as Rosalie

Like the amount of times he has watched you perform might be in the thousands

And he's only seen you mess up maybe three times

He doesn't get what you're so worried about

Like he understands being nervous

But he thinks you're being too hard on yourself

He does try his best to be there for you though

He will watch you do the same trick 100 times if that makes you feel better

You do perfectly obvs

But if one of the judges doesn't give you a perfect, let's just say that judge suddenly retired out of nowhere

So weird

Esme:

She completely understands being nervous

But she knows that you're great

She will also get you out of the house to get your mind off of things when she notices that you're a little too stressed

She tries to reassure you that you'll do great

But tbh she's a little nervous too

She really hopes that you being so anxious doesn't psych you out and make you mess up

When you do eventually do great she doesn't stop celebrating for a week

She gets Alice's help to throw a party

She invites the Denalis and all of their other friends

So proud

Carlisle:

He sympathizes

There's not a lot that he does anymore that he hasn't been doing for centuries

But there are times where he needs to perform a life saving surgery and he feels that moment of doubt

But he also believes in you and he knows that you can do it

He takes the day off work to come and watch you

He bought the biggest bouquet of your favorite flowers that he could find

He will tell anyone that he can that you are his SO and you are amazing

Literally chatting up his coworkers and random patients that come in

Vampire! Bella:

Yeah she understands being nervous

Even after being turned she still feels like she will never be as good as Edward or Alice or any of the Cullens

But she also knows that you are fantastic

She wasn't really into sports of any kind but watching you on the ice makes her want to go full soccer mom mode

She does her best to be reassuring and help you to realize that you are really good and that this is just your brain being stupid

She does say "I told you so" after you finish and do amazing

121 notes · View notes

grace-mint · 10 months ago

Text

A Fate Worse Than Death

Hardcore TW: Extreme Angst, SA, whipping, blood. It's rough y'all. Let me know if there's anything I forgot.

Also kinda shitty writing. This is my first fic, and idek if anyone will see this.

I rush into Rhysand’s office, slightly breathless. My mate sat at his desk in all his glory. He was the most beautiful male in the world, and if I wasn’t in a hurry, I would have taken the time to appreciate the spectacle of a being in front of me. Unfortunately I didn’t have that. “Rhys, the camps are getting worse, my father is back.” My father, the cruelest man I’ve ever met. He was a camp lord, but when Rhysand had placed the anticlipping laws into effect, he disappeared, along with multiple other Illyrian males who had the same beliefs as him: beliefs that females had no rights to their bodies. I had been on a mission, sent by Rhys, and I was in charge of protecting the females from these barbaric men. My father being one of them where I had an unfortunate run in with him Rhysand stood up from the desk, concern lacing his features, and grabbed my hands. “Breathe, my love. Tell me what you found out.”

I took a deep breath, clinging to my mate for stability. “He was there, and he was clipping a young girl’s wings. He left before I could kill the sorry bastard, but I was able to stop some of his men. They won’t be heard of ever again.”

Rhys’ face morphed into one of anger. “I’m sorry you had to see him,” he said softly, before asking about the girl. “And the young girl, is she ok?”

“I got there before any real damage could be done, and returned her to her mother, but she will be traumatized, understandably so.”

“How a man as wretched as him gave life to a creature as stunning and caring as you, I’ll never understand.” He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “One day, I’m going to kill him, and I will make it slow and painful.”

I wrapped my arms around him. “I just don’t understand how a young girl’s life isn’t worth more to those men.” My brow furrowed. “It sickens me, it reminds me of how I grew up, and I swore I would never allow another female to feel pain at my father’s hands. I failed.” My mate’s head snapped up at my words, he gripped my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “You have never failed. You are the strongest female I’ve ever known, the strongest person I’ve ever known, “ he amended.”You are working so hard to fully enact this law. I wish I could help you more.”

I knew he couldn’t, still dealing with the after effects of the war against Hybern. He was in the process of rebuilding relations with the other courts, trying to create stronger alliances. “I know you can’t, and I don’t blame you. My father, let him be my problem.” My father and I had a terrible relationship. He was raised in one of the worse Illyrian camps, with even stricter beliefs. He believed in cutting a female's wings out entirely and that thought was so outlandish that even the most cruel of males didn’t believe in it. But my father was a different breed of asshole. He and my three older brothers made my life a living hell. After my mother passed, giving birth to me, he blamed me for her death. He thought that since my mother had a daughter, and not a son, I was a curse sent to ruin them, so from a young age, I was a toy for their amusement. A plaything to take their anger on. They beat me often, hiding me away from the world. When I reached maturity and started to bleed, they were prepared to cut my wings. They wanted to hang them on the wall as a reminder of the curse I was.

The day my father and brothers were planning to enact their plan, I woke up early and ran for it. I knew I wouldn't make it far, but I was hoping and praying to the cauldron that someone would take pity on me. That was the fortunate day Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel were visiting our camp. As I ran, my eldest brother, Treyvis, was gaining on me. He tackled me to the ground, binding my arms and slamming my face into the ground. That was when Rhysand found me, the bond clicking in his chest when he saw me, though he didn’t mention it for years later. They stopped what was happening, not before giving my brother a warning in the form of a beating, and took me back to Velaris. That was about 100 years ago. Rhysand and I have been mated for 95 of those years now. We have been through plenty of ups and downs, but the bond remained strong and stable, even when we were both stuck under the mountain. I had never known a love like this.

“Give me the word, and he’ll be no one’s problem. I’ll kill that bastard in a second with great joy.” Rhysand unwound his arms from my waist, pressing a kiss to my temple once more, and made his way back over to his desk. I steeled myself, preparing to ask his blessing for another mission. We both agreed when we were mated, we don’t ask permission, rather each other’s blessing. “Rhys, I want to go after him, to end this. To take down the little cult he has accumulated. He’s been off the map for years and seeing him today hurting that young girl, I want him dead, and I want to be the one to do it.”

Rhysand, the one person who knew me better than anyone in the world, knew this about me. While I may have never vocalized it, this was what I wanted. He motioned for me to come closer, and so I perched myself on his lap, winding my arms around his neck.

“You are my brave, beautiful mate. You can handle anything, I know you can do this. It makes me scared to send you alone, but I know if I ask you to take Cas or Az you will refuse.” He was right about that, I wanted to do this alone, especially if something bad were to happen. “But I know you can take care of yourself. You've spent many years training, yet I can’t shake this feeling that something bad will happen. I know you can handle your own, I just get terrified at the thought of something happening to you.”

My heart ached at his words. I press a tender kiss to his lips. “I will always find my way home to you, to our friends, to Velaris. And when I come back, I will be free of the fear and the strife of that man.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I should’ve listened to Rhys. I should have brought Cassian or Azriel with me. I cursed myself as I hung there, my arms bound in faebane shackles, with my father pacing in front of me. “Fuck you.” I spat at him. If I was gonna die, I might as well die with the satisfaction of pissing him off. I reached down the bond again, not being able to reach it still, due to the faebane I was dosed with.

I pissed him off a little too well it would seem though. He walked up to me, chuckling. “Oh my dear y/n, how idiotic you are. You hide away with your little whore of a mate, thinking you are safe, yet you’ll never be.” His words send a shiver down my spine, anger flaring at the term he used for my mate.

“I hope you burn in hell.”

“Now now, dear y/n, I would shut up before you anger me even more.” As he speaks, he brings his knife down my arms, slicing a long line from my shoulder to my elbow, then he repeats this on my other arm. I show no pain though, not willing to show this man any vulnerability. He takes the knife, now slicing my legs in a similar fashion. I hadn’t even noticed my leathers were gone when I had woken. I shivered at the thought of someone undressing me.

“I’ll give you a chance to beg, it won’t do much, but it might make me be a little kinder.”

I know he’s lying, so I say, “When he finds you, you will feel such pain, he will do worse things than killing you, as that will be a mercy.”

He smiles sadistically, “ What I do to you, will be more merciless than anything your mate will do to me.” He spat the words at me as he made his way behind me. I hear the unmistakable slither of a whip. I look up to see my brother, Treyvis, walking in, whip in hand. I seethe at the bastard. He merely sends me a sickly sweet smile.

“Do your worst, I don’t care,” the words came out nonchalantly despite the panic raging in my chest. I didn’t flinch as the first lash came down. The second one, had my body jerking forward as I realized what he was aiming for. He was aiming for my wings. Panic seized my body, uncontrollably as my inane instincts to protect my wings kicked in and they folded up. Hands seized my wings, stretching them out to full length. I looked up to see my two other brothers had shown up and were the ones in charge of holding my wings open. I started to struggle, realizing the dire situation I was truly in. The whip rained down on my back and wings, lash after lash, until the skin was completely flayed. It still didn’t stop though. I hung, my whole body weight being held up by the shackles digging into my skin.

“Stop. Please,” my voice, hoarse from screaming, rasped. I didn’t want to beg, but my wings were never going to heal from this. My pleas fell on deaf ears.

Minutes, maybe hours later, the pain stopped. It took me a second to realize the whip stopped. I hung there, my head bowing having no strength to lift it. I was finally released from the shackle, and I fell forward, face slamming painfully into a pool of my own blood on the ground. I was yanked up by my hair, neck tilted to the side. I felt a needle being stabbed into the side of my neck, dosing me with more faebane. I fell forward, once more, after being released. I raised my head barely enough to see four pairs of feet exiting the cell I was in. It wasn’t long after until I fell unconscious.

Hours, or maybe even days later, I woke up. I had no concept of time anymore, darkness all around me. My wounds had clotted well enough, despite the dose of faebane, I was still able to heal somewhat, although not well enough to even stand. I lay there, chest down, on the ground and ran through my memories to keep me sane.

Rhysand and I days after he rescued me. Our first Starfall. When the mating bond finally snapped for me. Our frenzy, that lasted weeks. I missed Rhysand so dearly, regretting ever leaving his lap that day. I lay there for what feels like an eternity, slowly drifting in and out of sleep. I woke up to harsh hands grabbing me once more. My hands were forced into the shackles, and I mentally prepared myself for what was to come, promising myself to keep my mouth shut, not giving them the satisfaction of vocalizing the pain they were causing me.

I immediately broke that promise as soon as I felt one wing lifted up and the cool steel of a blade against it. I let out a yelp, both at the surprise of the action and the pain of them touching my wing. I felt my fathers voice in my ear, sending the millionth shiver down my spine, as he said, “You are a whore who defiled herself to another whore. I’ve been waiting to get my hands on these for quite some time.” Shameful tears began to pour down my cheeks as I realized what was to come. “Don’t worry, y/n, I’ll return you to your High Lord, but he won’t want you barren of wings. He also won’t want spoiled goods.” I stiffened at his words as male walked in, presumably one of his guards. “He wants to have his way with you while we’re here.” My blood turned to ice at his words. Fear sparking in my soul, more fear than I’ve felt these past few days. At the first hack of the knife against the root of my wing, I let out the most pathetic yelp in the world. The pain was unbearable. The hacking kept going as the male approached me. He put his hands on me, tearing my shirt and pants off. He ran his hands over my body as the pain in my back flared on. I wanted to throw up as his hands touched me. I wanted to die right then and there. I did throw up at the thud of one of my wings hitting the ground. The male in front of me cursed and backhanded me across my face. I was weeping at this point, weeping at the loss of my wings, the loss of control over my body as this man reached lower and lower stopping between my legs. Lastly, I weeped for Rhysand to come save me. I knew he wouldn’t, that he couldn’t.I hadn’t been checking in with him through the bond, but it was too late for him to find me anyway, as my second wing traded to the ground and the male in front of me, now naked and readying himself, spread my legs, and took the most vulnerable thing I had to offer. I hung there, numb, as he entered my body, the feeling wrong and disgusting. I had stopped crying long ago, finding no will in me to want to go on.

The male finished, leaving me naked, cold, and devoid of wings. I wanted to die, I wanted to die and never come back. I never wanted to face Rhysand again,or any of my friends. I wished they would’ve just killed me.

Finally, my father walked back in again. “Pitiful y/n. Pathetic bitch.” He gripped my chin, forcing me to look at him. “You should have never left all those years ago, and now you’ve paid your price. I’m going to take you home.” He saw the fear in my eyes at his words. “Oh? Don’t want to go home to your husband? I don’t blame you, who would want you, after you let yourself be defiled and you were too weak to protect your wings.”

If looks could kill, this man would have dropped dead.

“Well, let’s go.” He unshackled me. I looked up at him in confusion.

“You’re letting me go?” I couldn’t even recognize my voice. “Why?”

“I’m condemning you to a fate worse than death. You have to face your family, and they’ll all have to see that you let yourself get taken by another man. How will they react? I’m sure they’ll be disgusted.” My father grabbed my bruised arm, I hardly winced in pain, too focused on his words as they raced around in my brain. Surely Rhysand would still love me. But I had insisted on going on this mission, who could blame him if he didn't.

My father threw me a slip that hardly hid anything, and I quickly put it on before he tossed me over his shoulder and walked me out of the cell. I could’ve thrown again up at the sight of my wings, limp and lifeless, lying on the floor, never to take flight again. I didn’t have time to dwell on it as a blinding light hit my eyes. We were outside. I was thrown unceremoniously to the snow-covered ground. I shivered and curled into myself, hoping to achieve a bit of warmth. I didn’t bother looking up to see where my father had gone, I laid there instead. Ready to face my death.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Y/N!! Oh fuck. Darling, wake up.” I felt a warm, gentle hand on my shoulder, rousing me from my sleep. I wanted to sleep, it was so nice and warm. A nice reprieve from the pain I had in my back for some reason. I hummed in annoyance, wanting the voice to go away. I was shivering though, my bed was extremely cold. It was then that all of the memories came flooding back, and I wrenched my eyes open with extreme effort. I attempted to sit up, but my back seized at the motion. I couldn’t move, I was paralyzed in pain.

“Be careful, don’t move. It’s ok. Stay still, please.” I recognized that voice, and I looked up to the most wonderful sight I had ever seen.

“Rhys?” My voice was still raspy from the screaming. “Yes, it’s me. Stay still, Az and Cas are coming.” I felt the warmth of a coat over my shivering body, as Rhysand wrapped me in his coat, careful to avoid the bloody mess that was my back. “Stay awake.” His voice filled with panic as I drifted off again with the warmth of his embrace. I didn’t want to stay awake. This was nice, I wanted to sleep.

“Y/n, my heart, you have to stay awake.” His voice shook as he pleaded with me. I could barely hear him as I slipped further and further and further into the void, the only sounds being Rhys’ cries and begging me not to go sounded like a lullaby to me as I welcomed unconsciousness with open arms.

--------------------------------------------------

If you made it this far, let me know! Gentle critiquing is welcome and appreciated.

#rhysand x reader #acotar #rhysand angst #azriel x reader #acotar fandom #a court of thorns and roses #cassian x reader #angst #Rhysand

135 notes · View notes

throatgoat4u · 2 months ago

Text

hello, hello, hello, hello to all my lovely people out there. i wanna start of by saying happy valentines to every single one of you. whether you're single, in a relationship, or have just broken up, i hope you all enjoy this amazing day of love and share it with their loved ones.

today's not just about a romantic partner, but to people who you just love. tell your family how much you love and appreciate them for all they've done for you and if that's not an option, share your gratitude with your friends or people who have constantly been there for you and have made you feel loved.

do something kind for someone. give them a hug, write them a letter, compliment them, whatever. you don't have to make some big gesture or go all out, just let someone know you appreciate them.

but most importantly, make sure you love yourself. self love is just as, if not more, important than anything else. how are you supposed to put in your time and effort in loving someone else if you can't do that for yourself? so whether you want to go out and spoil yourself or stay in and take a nice bath and watch movies, make sure you're putting your love for yourself first.

but, loving yourself isn't just about spa days and self care (but like that shit's like amazing so like i definitely recommend a nice everything shower if you're not doing anything today.....) it's also about speaking to yourself kindly, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and acknowledging that you deserve just as much love as everyone else on this amazing day!

now, that being said, i'm gonna spread all my love to some of the most amazing people on this app! (this is where my formality ends, trust 🤞)

@onevison. i literally love you so much omg. you are one of the nicest people ever and you're actually so creative with your aus. i love talking to you and always enjoy when we chat. i love you!

@freshloveee. you're so so so good at writing and genuinely one of my favorite writers on this app. you're honestly so sweet and kind. i love you!

@chrepsi. you're genuinely one of the funniest people on this app, i cannot. i love your vibe and your music taste is just so ugh. you're so cool. i love you!

@muwapsturniolo. so you're literally amazing?!?! like you're so gorgeous and funny and such an amazing writer. idek how many times i've reread your shit but it's too many to count. anywho..... when's the next album coming out sza????? i love you!

@leoslaboratory. i just binge read your fics last night btw. you're fucking amazing and i love everything you do. dealer!chris is amazing and i absolutely love it. your fics for black history month are eating btw. i love you!

@phone4pills. so so so cool. you're theme is so cool, you're fics are so cool, you are so cool. i'm genuinely sooo happy anytime i've seen that you've posted a new fic or something and am always looking forward to when you write more. i love you!

@mattscoquette. you're just sooooo like awesome. i love everything you write and i love scrolling through watching you answer asks cause you're so funny. i'm still heartbroken over a change of heart (and the fact that you've ruined that song for me 💔). also like petition to bring back my man perv!matt. he doesn't get the love he deserve. anyways, when i was lurking here, i would always stalk your page and you were the first person i found on sturniolo tumblr. you were genuinely such an inspiration for me and one of the biggest reasons i started posting what i write. i love you!

@thenickgirl. you're my favorite nick girl out there. i love how you write for him and give him the attention he absolutely deserves. just cause he's gay doesn't mean we should leave him out guys 😞💔. you're such an amazing writer and you're so funny. i love you!

@t0riiiis. you're literally like so relatable and i feel like i can always talk to you without getting bored. you're there for me and you've shown your love for me countless times and i cannot even begin to say how much it means to me. i love you!

@oopsiedaisydeer. i'm sooo happy that we're like friends now because you're such a nice and cool person. you're an amazing writer and i love when i see updates on your ponyo au. you're so sweet and show me so much support on literally everything. i love you!

@bernardsbendystraws. dare i say that you're the mother of sturniolo tumblr?!?! you're genuinely such and amazing and funny person and make the tumblr fandom a much better place. i love how during that whole pedo scandal, you were there for absolutely every single person and were so helpful in the whole ordeal. you aren't scared of what anyone says about you and you're so confident, it's so admirable (this also goes for @muwapsturniolo, cause if i recall correctly she called her workplace or something like that which is honestly a boss ass move). your writing is also just amazing and never disappoints. you're like a breath of fresh air (that sounded better in my head but it's okay). i love you!

and i've saved the best for last, @snoopychris. idek what to say. like i'm being serious. i love you so much and you're my absolute favorite person on here. i love being able to talk to you everyday and ik you'll be there to listen without judgement. you're so funny (and a bit odd) and i love you for it. you're genuinely like a big sister to me in a way and i just feel like talking to you makes my day. whether it's about an au or just yapping (or saying some weird shit about chris) it always makes my day just so much better. i literally trust you soooo much even if we’ve only known each other for a short time. like when i say i trust you, i mean like i TRUST you. atp, i trust you enough to know what my face looks like, my actual name, and other personal info. like genuinely i feel so comfortable talking to you and you never fail to make me happy! you're such a fun person and so creative. also you're writing?!?! i literally love it. i love you 🧠!

obviously there are so many other people who i absolutely love, adore, and cherish with my whole heart, but these people stick out to me! anyways, i love you guys so much and am so thankful for everyone's constant support. i'm so happy with all the new friends i've made on this app and am looking forward to making many many many more! with lots of love...

toodles sluts :)

(i felt it was necessary to bring back sluts for this post...)

also the fact that i actually wrote that shit at the top from my heart impresses me….. like what?!?!

also one last note, if there’s some misspelled words or i’m just repeating myself like an idiot, please note that its still early and even tho i woke up over an hour ago, im still like half asleep

#.𖥔 ݁ ˖ throatgoat4u #.𖥔 ݁ ˖ nini talks #.𖥔 ݁ ˖ nini yaps #i love you guys so much and i wanna give ya'll the biggest hugs and kisses and deliver loaves of bread to your guys' houses

41 notes · View notes

dragonmuse · 2 years ago

Text

How to be a Dirtbag Fic Writer

I got to do some talking about writing today and I couldn’t stop thinking about it so here are my full thoughts on the matter of being a dirtbag fic writer.

Being the disorganized thoughts of someone two and a half decades into the beautiful mess that is writing fanfic (and a few non-fanfic things too).

What is a dirtbag fic writer?

I am talking about someone who is not cleaning up anything. We show up filthy, fresh out of rooting around in the garden of our imaginations. We probably smell a little from work. We will hand you our hard grown fruits, but we have not washed them and we carried them in the bottom upturned parts of our t-shirts. The fruit is a little bruised. It’s not cut up or put in a bowl yet. But we got it in the house! It’s here. Someone can eat it.

Why dirtbag it? Because the fruit gets in the house. If you’re hemming and hawing, if the idea you want to do seems to be big or you want it perfect and shiny. If you’re imagining a ten thousand step process, so you’re not taking the first step? Dirtbag it.

How do I dirtbag?

That’s the best part. You just write. Sit down. One word after the other. No outline, no plan, no destination. No thought of editing. Just word vomit. Every word is a good word. It’a word that wasn’t there before. Grammar sucks? Who cares. Can’t think of the perfect word? Fuck it, put in the simplest version of what you mean.

Write the idea that you love. The one thing you want to say. Has it been done 3000000 times? WHO CARES human history is long, every idea has been done, probably more than twice. YOU have never written it before. It’s your grubby potato that you clawed out of the ground and guess what someone can still make it into delicious french fries.

Now here’s the critical part. Write as much as you can squeeze out of your brain. One word in front of the other.

And then I challenge you this: at most, read it over once and then put it into the world. Just as it is. AND THIS IS IMPORTANT: DO IT WITHOUT APOLOGY OR CAVEAT. I challenge you, beautiful dirtbag to not pre-emptively apologize. Do not make your work lesser. THAT IS YOUR POTATO! It has eyes and roots and dirt clinging to it because that is what happens. We are dirtbagging it today. Hell really confused people at do #dirtbagwriter on it.

Dirtbag writes id, base, lizard brain. Dig in the fertile garden of your imagination. What is the story you tell yourself before you fall asleep? What’s your anxiety this week? Your fantasy? What is going well? What do you wish things looked like? Who is the feral imaginary character you’ve been crafting to take your frustrations and joys out on?

But, VEE, I wish to have an editor and an outline, use a cool software like scrivener instead of retching up onto a google doc and making it look NICE and PRETTY!

COOL! DO THAT THEN! IF YOU’RE ACTUALLY DOING IT! You should have a process! That’s cool and healthy and necessary for sustainable writing. But if you’re not writing because all of that seems too much? THEN DON’T.

Did you know fic is free? That we do this from love? From sheer desire? For the love of the game? If you have a process, and the words are flowing, amazing, I love that for you, you don’t need this essay. If you don’t, let us continue.

What does dirtbag writing look like?

It’s messy. It’s a little raw and tatty around the edges sometimes. It’s weird. It’s someone else’s first draft. Maybe it winds up being your first draft, Idek, that’s your business.

It’s jokes that make YOU laugh. It’s drama that would make YOU cry if you read it. You are your first commenter. You are your first audience (and possibly continuing pleasure! If you don’t go back and reread your own work sometimes, you might be missing out on one of your favorite authors cause you wrote it for you! Wait until you’re not so close to it. Years sometimes. Then hey, maybe some of this is pretty dang good actually.)

It has mistakes.

Dirtbags make mistakes, but dirtbags have published pieces. They have things other people can read out there.

What if I don’t get good feedback?

Look, the most likely outcome of any new, untried fic writer (and even established writers trying something new-ish) is that you get no feedback. That’s real. Silence. It’s eerie, it’s terrible, it sucks. I don’t want to pretend it doesn’t. But nothing is not negative. It’s a big fic-y ocean out there and we are all wee itty-bitty-sometimes-with-titty fishes.

You should still do it all over again. And again. And again. You get better at writing by writing. You just do. Nothing else replaces it. If your well is dry? Fill it with new things. Go do something new, read a new kind of book, watch a new film, (libraries have so much good shit, you don’t even have to spend money for so many things if you have a library card), just go for a walk in a new direction. Stimulate yourself. Got a cup of something hot and eavesdrop on conversations. Refill yourself with newness.

And hey, speaking of, do you leave comments? Because you get what you give. You can build relationships with people by commenting and that builds community and community means places to get feedback in the end. Comments are gold. They are all we are paid in. Tip your writers with ‘extra kudos’ or ‘this made me laugh’. And hey, when you go back for a re-read so you can tell them your favorite part? Ask yourself how they made that favorite part? What do you like about it? Tone? Metaphor? The structure? Reading teaches us how to write too!

BUT, okay. Sometimes. Sometimes there is actual bad feedback and people suck.

You know the best part about being a dirtbag? Unrepentant block, delete, goodbye. You don’t own anyone with a shitty opinion any of your precious time on this earth. You did it for free, you gave them your dirty, but still delicious fruit and they went ‘ew, this is a dirty strawberry, how could you not make a clean tomato?” Because you didn’t plant fucking tomatoes, did you? Don’t fight, don’t engage. Block. Delete. Goodbye.

If someone in person, looked you in the eye when you brought them a plate of food to share at a party and they said “Why didn’t you bring me MY favorite? This isn’t cooked well at all.” You would probably write up a Reddit AiTA question about it just to hear five thousand people say they were an asshole. Fic is no different

And hey, when you dirtbag it? You know you did. It’s not your most cleaned up perfect version. So who cares what they think? You might make it more shiny and polished next time! You might NOT.

Ok, but what if I don’t finish it?

Fuck it, post it anyway.

What if it’s bad?

Fuck it, post it anyway.

What if it doesn’t make sense?

That’s ART, baby. Fuck it, post it anyway.

What if what I want to write doesn’t work with current fandom norms?

Then someone out there probably needs it! And what the hell is this? The western canon? FUCK IT POST IT ANYWAY*

*Basic human decency is not a ‘fandom norm’. Don’t be racist, sexist, ableist, fat shaming, classist or shitty about anyone's identity on main, okay? Dirtbag writers are KIND first and foremost. Someone saying you are stepping into shit about their identity is not the same as unsolicited crappy feedback about pairings. In the immortal words of Kurt Vonnegut: "God damn it, you've got to be kind.”

You’re being very flippant about something that’s scary.

I know. I know I am. I know it can be scary. But no risk, no reward and hell, you aren’t using your goddamn legal name on the internet are you? (please for the love of fuck do not be using your legal name to write fic) You’ve got on a mask. You’re a superhero. With dirt on your cape.

That niche thing that you think no one cares about? Guaranteed you will find someone else in the world who wants it. Maybe they won’t find it right away. Maybe they will be too shy to comment or even hit a button. But your dirty potato will stick with them. They will make french fries in their head.

You have an audience. But they can’t find you if you have nothing out there.

Go forth. Make.

You have some errors in this essay.

PROBABLY CAUSE I DIRTBAGGED IT. But I picked this strawberry for you out of my brain, so I hope you run it under some cold water and find the good bits and have a nice snack. Or throw it away. Or use it to plant more strawberries (I know that’s not how strawberries work, metaphors break when stretched).

#dirtbagwriter

Go forth and MAKE

#writing #i'm not an expert #I just have been doing this a long time #and these are my feels #please feel free to throw away this strawberry

906 notes · View notes

authorred · 5 months ago

Text

Frostbite | Li Shen/Zayne x reader | Love and Deepspace | Part 2

➺ Preface: After the aether core in your heart destabilizes your condition, Zayne is left lost and reeling as to how to save your life.

➺ It's been so long since I've seen my pookies I've been obsessing over Arcane and Valorant and mmm yeah JanitorAI too (don't ask pls don't ask I've done things I'm not proud of but I would do it again) I AM GETTING FED SO FUCKING GOOD HOOYYY YUHHHHH

Warning(s): Uhhhh honestly idek general injuries ig, angst, mentions of death, that shit ykykyk

➺ Part 1

You haven't regained consciousness and it's making the medical team--especially Zayne--grow increasingly worried. Waves of metaflux pulse from your isolation chambers and the chance of Wanderers showing up or following the signature grows with each one. Not to mention, the hospital's electrical grid is affected with each wave. If the power gives, it plunges you and many others into disaster. And if Wanderers show up, then. . . that makes things impossible to come back from.

Your heart is still insanely unstable, and your medical team is doing everything they can to figure out a plan--something to buy you and them time before you inevitably blow everything to bits.

Okay, perhaps not explode like a bomb, but the alternative is not so different. Your heart's aether core is unstable nonetheless, and it's powerful, and it's increasing its chances in attracting equally as powerful Wanderers. You don't respond to stimuli--quite frankly, it's as if your brain has decided to shut you off to protect you from the suffering you would be going through if it didn't. With that, at least they don't have to worry about pumping x amount of pain meds into you. That's a small mercy in this endless nightmare. Surgery is thrown around, an emergency surgery to either try to stablize your heart with protocores or remove the aether core entirely--which. . . in its own right an unknown challenge with unknown consequences, but hey, they have to try, right?

Zayne walks up to the glass in the observation mezzanine again. How many times has he come here today? Three, four? Who knows, it doesn't matter. The thought of performing heart surgery on you--and not just a simple bypass or transplant, he's done those plenty of times before--but emergency surgery that has a morbidly low rate of succeeding. . . it makes his hands tremble in a way they haven't in a long time. Doctor Zayne is scared but there's no one else he trusts to do such a task. He has to do it. Has to trust he'll keep his head and trust that you'll make it out the other side. It's all he can do. All anyone can do. The general plan is to shut down your nervous system as much as they can to reduce the metaflux from you and to calm your evol as much as possible. Anything to keep them and yourself safe from your own unpredictability. Once you're under control for the most part, they'll go in, attempt to stabilize your heart with protocores, and close you up. If that doesn't work, they'll attempt to remove the shards of core from your heart, and if that doesn't work, then all that's left to do is keep you held in isolation and hope the problem corrects itself. Though, there runs the risk that you'll never wake up again.

As the team scrub up and the supplies are delivered and prepared, Zayne keeps to himself. Quiet, thinking, observing. This is his everyday life, he's a surgeon for god's sake. But this is so different. So, so different. It's you. And if he fucks up, if he loses you whilst you're under his knife, then. . . what was all this for? Just to lose you in the end?

~ You can hear it. Feel it. The pulses, the evol, the metaflux. Is that me? It's muffled zips and whooshes on the edge of your hearing, just out of reach. Everything feels so disconnected. So far away from your own self you're questioning if you're still alive or not. Surely, you are. The afterlife can't be just this. Just numbness and disorientation and the teasing of the living world at the edge of your consciousness. You try to talk but you can't--do you even have a mouth? A body? You don't know. What even happened? I don't know.

And as you float within that dark, derealized abyss, you wait. For what, you don't know, but you wait. You can faintly hear voices, faraway and muffled, like you're sticking your ear against a wall to listen to a conversation happening two doors down. The words don't sound familiar to you, like they're speaking a foreign language. You also don't recognize their tone or pitch anyway. Strangers, perhaps. Where even are you, currently? Well, where's your body? Did Zayne bring you to a hospital? Did he manage to get you help after all? I don't know.

And then, you hear it. That low timbre voice--one you could pick out even if you were old and decrepit.

Zayne.

Your own thought echoes back to you, bouncing around and reverberating like that's the keyword, a blessing. He's talking, saying words that sound garbled and gibberish, but you know it's him. Your body could be decomposed in the grave and your bones will still try to move at the sound of his feet above your buried casket. He's ingrained in you. Your doctor, your Zayne. And then, you see harsh light bleeding through the abyss. Filtered and shaded, like looking at a lightbulb with your eyes closed. What the hell is going on? And suddenly, your eyes slowly open.

And about five faces gaze down at you in horror, dressed is surgeon scrubs.

47 notes · View notes

lunarfleur · 2 years ago

Text

I Just Had To Check ~ Earth 42! Miles Morales

Warnings:Blood, mentions of fighting, mention of a gun being used

Tagging: @juneberrie @sluggmuffin @hiyaitssans

A/N: Y’all I pulled this outta my ass idek where it came from, so if this is bad I’m sorry 😟

This is x gender neutral reader

Miles woke them up with a knock on their window. His mask and claws had been slipped into his bag, now only wearing his costumes.

When they opened the window, the first thing they noticed was how out of breath he was. He was panting, eyeing them nervously before they let him step in.

“Miles?” They asked, despite knowing it was him. He set his bag down on the floor with a quiet thump and sucked in a breath. Y/N was met with Miles’s arms enveloping their body, his face being shoved into their neck. They brought their hand to the back of his neck, scratching gently.

“Hey, what’s up?” They asked. They didn’t get an answer, though. At least, not until they heard the quietest, most painful sobs escaping him. In the entire time they had been dating, that was the one thing he never did. They had never seen Miles cry.

“C’mere, sit down,” they mumbled, leading him over to the edge of their bed. Miles didn’t let go. He only held on tighter.

Any and all embarrassment Miles would have-should have-felt for crying disappeared the minute his arms found them. It had been so long since he’d done it, it was making his face hurt.

Miles pulled away a second later-tears still free falling down his cheeks. He pressed his forehead to their’s, grabbing their hands and squeezing.

“What’s going on, Miles?”

Y/N’s hands found his face, tender hands wiping his tears. His face was contorted into one of discomfort, the clearest sign of just how long it had been.

“I just had to check,” he whimpered, “I had to see you.” Miles pressed shaky kisses to Y/N’s lips, which they gladly returned.

A mere, short 2 minutes later, his tears had stopped. Miles’s hands were no longer trembling, his shoulders no longer shaking.

“You should change,” they whispered to him. Truthfully, he didn’t want to. He was perfectly comfortable where he was.

But Y/N, much to Miles’s dismay, got up. Searching through their room to find the clothes they stole from him. Sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Wiping his face, Miles got up. He took the clothes from their hands, not even bothering to leave the room before he was slipping his shirt off. Y/N stared at the scratches that littered his back and arms, obviously fresh. It gave them only the slightest idea why he was there.

He walked back over quickly, laying his head in their lap. One arm wrapped around their waist, the other hand resting gently on their thigh. They held his one hand, rubbing the skin soothingly with their thumb. The other hand returned to the back of his neck, the one place that never failed to relax him.

“You wanna talk about it?” They suggested.

“He had a gun,” Miles mumbled. “He was gonna shoot me.”

“Oh.”

“I keep having this dream,” he continued, “any time we fight, that I die letting you think I hate you.” His breath hitched under his own words. Miles fidgeted with the hem of the shirt you were wearing, his shirt.

“I don’t think you hate me,” Y/N whispered, eyebrows furrowing tightly.

“But you might, one day.”

“That’s never gonna happen.”

A brief silence hit the room.

“I ain’t ever gonna hate you, you know that, right?”

“I know.”

“And I love you more than anything. You know that, too, right?”

“I know. I love you just as much.”

Sitting up, Miles pulled Y/N closer into him. He peppered kisses around their face and around their jaw. They snickered quietly, pushing his face away to look him in the eyes. A smile forced its way onto Miles’s lips, his forehead bumping against theirs gently.

“Kiss?” He asked.

They were more than happy to oblige.

#earth 42 miles morales #earth 42 miles x reader #earth 42 miles morales x reader #atsv #across the spiderverse #x gender neutral reader

579 notes · View notes

joelmillerlover123 · 6 months ago

Text

A Gentlemen’s Burden - A romantic regency era Joel Miller story - Part 3

Part One | Part Two

Description : Mr. Miller haunts your thoughts. Oh, and you have to attend a ball.

Warnings : Um idek if this would be considered a pre/no outbreak AU but I guess it is?? Sarah is a pretty prominent character. Female reader. No use of y/n. Age gap (Joel is older and reader is pretty young). Regency!Joel? Tried to keep Joel's character pretty consistent but you know... creative liberties were taken for the point of story telling.

Word count : 3.3k

Let me know if you like it!

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀

You find yourself standing in the middle of the ballroom, a beautiful white dress adorning your body. Pearls drip from your neck and your hair. You feel the buzz of the ballroom and yet there is no one around you. Only Mr. Miller. Joel Miller.

He turns to face you, his beautiful dark curls swishing slightly with the movement as his brown eyes meet yours. He reaches up a hand to join you together and the music starts.

A swirling assortment of melodic notes fill the air around you as you two begin to twirl and move about the dancefloor. You feel no one’s presence as your senses are completely filled with him. The smell of him, an earthy, musky scent fills your nostrils. You feel his rough, callused hands, no doubt from years of working with lumber. You are overly aware of his hand on the small of your back, guiding you into perfect synchronization with him as he carries you as you both dance around the room. In his arms you feel safe, light as air, and perfectly happy.

You allow yourself to drift farther into the moment, perfectly giving into him and the dance.

You wake with a start. A thin sheen of sweat coating you. Your eyes, already flung open, adjust to the light spilling in through your window. The book you had retrieved from the library the night before lay open on your bed, surrounded by a ruffled blanket.

Last night.

The moments and embarrassment of the night before come rushing back to you.

What have you done?

You flung your sheets back and stood, your feet hitting the wooden floor a little harder than you had intended. You begin to pace, reaching a hand up to place on your forehead, still sticky with sweat.

The ball. The ball is today.

Mr. Miller was here. Joel.

How you so craved for it to be just moments ago, a beautiful dream feeling so real.

But the dream was false, and with Mr. Miller. Why couldn’t you find anything wrong with him? Why did he interest you so? Why couldn’t you just forget about his eyes that haunted your thoughts?

You heard a gentle knock at the door and moments later your dressing maids flooded in.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀

“Hello, sister,” Julia said with a smile as you entered the dining room, the table full with an opulent breakfast assortment.

You returned her greeting with a smile, your head still thick with fog and confusion from your dream. Even you could tell you looked tired.

“Auntie, are you excited for this evening?” You could tell your precious niece was trying to pull you from your state by distracting you. However, you wanted to think of anything other than the ball. Or Mr. Miller, who was conveniently seated as far away from you as possible.

“I’m excited for you,” You manage to say, sitting down at your chair next to Julia, “And your Mama.”

Julia looks at you like you have three heads and places a gentle hand on your knee under the table, no doubt asking if you were alright. You give her a nod and a forced smile and pick up your fork. Your food feels a million miles away and you can’t even stomach the idea of eating right now. You use your fork to push your egg around, slumping into your chair.

The table was silent as they all looked to you like an animal had come to breakfast.

“What?” You finally looked up, addressing the table.

They averted their eyes quickly, all except your sister. And Mr. Miller. Who just narrowed them at you, no doubt trying to figure you out.

In truth, no, your interaction the night before had not caused all of this weary. What truly was causing you such exhaustion was the incessant thoughts of him. You were being driven quite mad. In two days, he had consumed your every waking thought. And now, he was haunting your dreams. Even in sleep you couldn’t escape those beautiful eyes and that broad frame, those dark curls, that-

“Sister,” Julia called to you, looking at you as if you’d just used the bathroom in her dining room, “What do you think?”

You had been so consumed in your thoughts that you hadn’t even heard your sister’s prattling.

“I’m sorry, excuse me,” You said, trying to wave some sleep from your head, “I’m just so consumed by thoughts of the ball, I can hardly focus on eating.”

You look to your sister, silently begging her to take the sorry excuse. She just cuts her eyes at you and sighs, turning back toward the table.

Breakfast trudges on, your sister babbling to the table about festivities and dances she hopes to dance. Your nieces and nephews and Sarah are quite excited. You can’t find anything in your body to be excited about what you would come to experience this evening.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀

The rest of the day it’s as if you’re waiting for Mr. Miller to come out from around the corner. You want to catch him and talk to him. But nothing. You even go to the library to just sit there and wait. You find yourself craving his presence and his conversation. You find yourself thinking of what the conversation may feel like and what his response may be to your honest feelings about the ball tonight. You just want to talk to him, desperately. You want to hear his opinions and his thoughts.

But why?

Your mind drifts to your first season, your dance card had been full every ball. You remember the stench of boredom and exhaustion hanging over you at all times. You remember the tight dresses, the uncomfortable shoes, and the men circling you like wolves.

You ached for a man who would make you feel safe, seen, and heard. Your mind drifts again to the one sided conversations you would have with bachelors, often rambling on about something that he himself brought up, leaving you to listen.

The embarrassment, the shame of not having a husband after your first season was still a dark cloud that you carried with you in society’s eyes. You silently thanked your sister once more for rescuing you from society’s claws after your third unsuccessful season, still remembering all too well the sting of the disgusted looks on everyone’s faces when you had a dance card for a third year.

If that is what love is, if that is what courting is, you never want any part of it.

The estate is a flurry of activity and so when you all gather for dinner, you excuse his total absence from your day as a simple inconvenient coincidence. That is, until he is again sitting as far away from you as possible at the table.

You sit, eyeing the table of people but no one seems to even notice the rigidity in your shoulders. Only your sister is the one to notice your strange behavior.

“Sister,” Julia whispers to you, “What is going on with you today? I’m sorry I haven’t had ample opportunity to pull you aside, I’ve been quite busy,” Her face is colored with apology, her sincere and tender eyes capturing yours. Guilt washed over you. You and your sister may have had completely different lives and ideas of fun, but she was always going to take care of you. She was always going to solve your problems to the best of her ability. She reached a gentle hand to your knee under the table, comforting you.

“It’s alright,” You offer a smile, “Any of my problems can wait until tomorrow,” You hold her hand in yours under the table, pressing your head to hers in an almost hug.

Her forehead creases with worry and yet she still offers a small smile and nods, knowing she can’t pry at the table and certainly not as the evening nears.

Mr. Miller looks at you once during dinner. Once. He practically refuses to look at you and when he does even speak in your general direction, it is extremely curt and short. You’ve got to be kidding. At one point during dinner, you become so frustrated with his standoffish behavior you feel yourself scoff. It escapes you and you feel yourself flush with embarrassment as your sister looks at you, no doubt you interrupted some point of the conversation. But, she is ever considerate and graceful as she just pats your knee and moves on with the conversation.

Finally, you get to leave the dinner table, the drastic shift in energy between you and Mr. Miller pushing you out of the room quicker than you intended.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding once you finally escaped the stuffy dining room, inhaling deep breaths and exhaling slowly.

Mr. Miller’s cold presence loomed as the dressing maids prepared you, their chatter fading into the mirror’s reflection. You watch as they pin up your hair with pearls and adorned your neck with an amethyst necklace to match an amethyst bracelet clasped at your wrist. The dress itself was white with light purple embroidered details, just dusting over the skirts and bodice, perfectly matching the amethyst. You felt positively poked and prodded, a perfect contestant for the pageant.

You couldn’t find an excited cell in your body.

Even as you looked in the mirror and a smile naturally pulled at your lips, your gloved hands touching your hair.

“You look beautiful, Miss,” One of the maids commented as they all started to file out.

“Thank you, ladies,” You call out to them, stopping them before they reach the door, “Well done. I look like a proper lady.”

The maids giggle at your joke and nod to you, curtsying and leaving the room.

You take a minute to take a few deep breaths, pushing Mr. Miller out of your head. Soon, you join your family in the foyer, where Julia and your nieces are chattering away, squealing with excitement.

The pins become all too sharp and the dress becomes all too tight when you spot Mr. Miller in the foyer with your family, talking to Matthew.

“Sister,” Julia says in a breath, “You look,” Julia looks at you, taking in your appearance, struggling to find the words.

“Breathtaking,” Mr. Miller’s deep voice called out, finishing Julia’s sentence. This garnered a pleased smile from Julia and a slightly shocked look from Mr. Miller, as if he hadn’t intended to say it. Nonetheless, he squared his shoulders and cleared his throat, regaining his confident composure.

You saw red.

He wants to practically ignore you all day, avoid you all day and then say you are ‘breathtaking’? How dare he? How could you be expected to respond to that?

In an act of utter defiance, you locked eyes with Mr. Miller and kept your face as stony as possible and then muttered a small thank you in your sister’s direction, trying to keep your voice even.

You turn on your heels out of the foyer and walk anywhere but in there, deciding to ready yourself for the ball by your lonesome.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀

The ball room is absolutely lush with life as couples swim about and people laugh, eating and drinking.

You find yourself near the wall, your wrist free of a dance card, which was a small relief. You find it better to watch people from the wall, taking in all of the guests, observing them and laughing to yourself about things that you were the only one to notice.

“Miss?” A deep voice enters your head and you don’t even have to look to know who it is.

Should you be polite and turn and fake smile and offer up polite conversation or should you do what you feel and confront him about his odd behavior?

“I’m sorry,” He says, his words sliding from your ears straight to your heart, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. You feel your whole body set ablaze, finally allowing yourself to revel in his all-consuming presence. You swear the ballroom’s colors brighten just a bit, the clouds of self pity parting above you. But he wasn’t going to get off that easily.

“For what, pray tell?” You turn to him, looking up into those chocolate brown eyes that enchant your thoughts, still holding your arms over your chest and thus meeting his very open stance. He’s leaning down toward you, leaning on the wall a bit. If anyone noticed the two of you, rumors would surely swirl, but your sister is a master party planner and no one is bored enough to look toward you for entertainment.

“For interrupting your moment in the library,” Shame colors his face, his cheeks turning pink with embarrassment, “I didn’t know you were in there.”

Oh.

“You thought I was angry with you for that?” You feel the words slip out of your mouth.

He stiffens, watching your reaction, calculating his next move, “Yes.”

“Well,” You turn back to the party, your back hitting the cool wall once more, “I wasn’t.”

“Miss?” He says again, his voice lowering, “Can I be frank?”

Your ears perk up, you craved his honesty. You turned your head to look at him, “Of course.”

“I missed you today,” His voice lowered even more, “I missed our conversations. I was reading a sonnet and wanted to find you and talk to you about it,” He stopped himself from rambling and cleared his throat, his voice returning to its usual tone, “I’m sorry.”

What to do? What to do?

You struggled to find a response.

Should you just give in and be honest, admitting that you, too, missed him today? Or, should you play a game?

“Mr. Miller,” You said, slowly, allowing the words to convey no emotion. “Joel,” He corrected.

Your head began to spin.

You turned to face him again, your face and his in perfect line.

You began to remember all of the beautiful words you’ve read.

Never have you ever been this enthralled with a man. You’ve never had one conversation with a man and then continued to want to speak to him at all.

“Dance with me,” Not a question, a plea from his perfect lips.

You face the ballroom again.

“Can I be frank?” You say, echoing his words.

“Always,” He says, his eyes still filled with desperation but his face was stoic as stone.

“I don’t,” You feel the walls of the ballroom closing in on you, the words leaving your mouth. Is this really the place to have this conversation? You look around, immediately knowing the nearest exit and push yourself off the wall, “Come with me.”

You lead him through the sea of people, out the back door and the cool air hits you like a wall. You feel your lungs expanding once more as your senses calm inside you.

“I don’t do this,” You explain, looking to him and picking up your conversation from earlier, “I don’t court men,” You say, holding out a finger, “I don’t even really talk to men, I find them quite boring, in fact,” You feel yourself starting to ramble, those polite walls crashing down, “But,” You say, finally, “I have never met a man like you.”

“I think you are extraordinary,” The words left Joel’s lips in a breath, as if he didn’t mean to say them, “I want to know everything in your head, I want to hear every thought, every feeling, everything. I’ve never felt that, either, you must know.”

“No,” You say, shaking the fog from your head, “I don’t know that, Mr. Miller,” You say, throwing your hands up, “I don’t know anything about you!”

“Joel,” He corrected, placing a hand on his hip, “And yes you do, you know plenty about me! More than most people know about each other when they are married!”

“Well,” You throw your hands in the air and look away from his beautiful face to give your mind a break, “I don’t care! I don’t do this! I don’t want to do this!”

“I don’t, either!” He kept his tone even but you could hear the emotion, “I’m a father, I haven’t been married or with a woman since Sarah’s mother died, I don’t want this!”

You’re taken aback, feeling the anger and assumptions you made about him leave your veins.

Here you were, looking at this absolutely gorgeous man thinking that he was some sort of womanizer, that only makes sense, right?

“You haven’t?” You ask, your tone softening.

“No,” He says, breathless, letting his hands fall back to his sides, “Not one.”

“Why?” You ask, the question leaving your lips before you can catch it.

The question takes him aback and he thinks for a moment, still looking at you, “Sarah was just a baby,” He says softly, “I couldn’t,” He thinks for a moment, “Wouldn’t,” He corrects himself, “Bring in a new woman just to bring in a new woman. People kept saying she needed a mother but she has a mother, just,” He hesitates, “I didn’t want to court or marry just to court or marry I wanted to do it because I loved the woman, I haven’t found one that I could love.”

His words leave you breathless, his honesty hitting you in the heart with force behind it. It is like he had stolen the words from your very soul.

You feel your feet moving to him and you reach out a hand to touch his jacket sleeve, feeling the hard muscle beneath, “That’s,” You falter, your words failing you, “That’s extremely admirable.”

His head turns to where your hand is lingering on his arm and he turns his face to you, “We don’t have to do whatever they do,” He motions to the ballroom, “We can do anything however we please. If we don’t do what society deems courting, we can do what we deem courting.”

You feel your lips pull up into a smile and you see him visibly relax, “Mr. Miller,” A coy smile playing on your lips, “Are you courting me?”

He returns your smile, “I pray for the day I hear my name leave your lips.”

You pull your hand back from his arm and clasp your hands, “If I remember correctly,” You start, walking to the ballroom, “You owe me a dance.”

“Oh,” He smiles, walking with you and offering his arm, which you take, “I better get on that, then.”

Your feet feel light as feathers as he whisks you around the dance floor, laughing and keeping perfect time. You feel the ballroom’s eyes on you and his lips lower to the shell of your ear, “You really do look absolutely breathtaking,” He smiles, noting the eyes watching you two.

You smile, allowing him to dance with you as much as he wants, feeling the weight of the room’s social implications fall at your feet.

Free. You feel free.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.‧₊˚❀

Let me know if you like it!

Taglist:

@gayfiretruck

#joelmiller #pedropascal #joel miller x reader #last of us #joel miller x you #joel miller angst #regency #pride and prejudice #period film

44 notes · View notes

boydepartment · 1 year ago

Note

Hii. So can you write sim for Hoon where like him and reader are ice skating partners and aren’t really the biggest fans of eachother but they end up kissing once or twice but reader tries to go back to how they were before but SH wasn’t having it. IDK💀 Idek if you write this kinda stuff

stfu - park sunghoon x reader (skating au)

a/n: i have never ice skated in a professional way in my life nor done competitive sport anything. SO IM GONNA TRY MY BEST! :3 also! i am totally okay with writing stuff w smooching :) i just wont write smut so you’re all good anon i pinky promise

warnings- annoyances to lovers, bickering, i wouldn’t really call it angst, kissing obviously lolz kinda open ended and i am open minded to doing a pt 2 this time

wc- 400-500

MASTERLIST

park sunghoon was annoying.

and hot, but mainly annoying. when you found out you had to work with him because your managers wanted a collaboration between the both of you, both you and mr. annoyingly hot were not pleased with the information.

obviously you were both in competitive skating and anything and every opportunity was a competition

it was weird though having to work on this competition together as a team.

you sat down on the bench after a somewhat successful practice with him. he really was professional on the rink. you took a swig of water.

“you need to practice landing more. you almost fell, i saw your leg shake.” sunghoon sat next to you.

your eye twitched and you went to stand up with your bag, “you’re not my trainer or manager.”

“yeah but like it or not i’m your partner right now.” sunghoon looked up at you, you looked down at him, “the last thing i want is for you to fuck this up for the both of us. because i know im not going to mess it up.” he stood up and placed his hand on your shoulder, “so please take-“

you slapped it away and kept glaring at him, “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

that’s how your interactions went for almost every practice, he would nitpick you, you’d bite back, he’d be snarky, and you’d both go home.

that was your relationship. until one practice where things got a WHOLE lot more complicated.

you were waiting outside to get picked up after practice, it was a warmer spring day and you were enjoying the balance between the cold of the rink, and the warmer night air.

“do you need a ride?”

you looked over and saw sunghoon, “i have someone picking me up.” your phone buzzed and your ride was apologizing profusely, cancelling on you.

“looks like you don’t anymore. did you annoy them that bad?” sunghoon asked looking over your shoulder.

“fuck off, sunghoon.” you turned your heel preparing to go wait for the bus but he softly grabbed your bag.

“i’ll give you a ride home.” his voice was stern.

“okay why?” you flipped around, you weren’t impressed by this gentlemanly act.

sunghoon looked at you, “it’s nighttime and you’re walking to the sketchy ass bus stop by yourself. let alone riding the bus by yourself. it’s late.”

you looked at him, “okay and you don’t think i could handle myself?”

“walking alone and taking a sketchy bus is dangerous for anyone. plus if someone wanted to kidnap you they’d let you go in 5 minutes tops because you yap too much.” he said simply, turning around to start walking. you followed him angrily.

“i don’t yap! you’re fucking ridiculous! you talk more than i do!”

“no i don’t. you asked for an explanation i gave you one.”

your shoes were loud on the concrete and it made sunghoon laugh slightly.

“you’re so fucking annoying! i can handle myself!” you don’t know why but you were following him to his car, he was right about the bus and you already had bad experiences. but lying was better than admitting he was right.

“mhm.” sunghoon hummed and unlocked his car, walking to the passengers side to presumably open the door for you.

“i can open the door myself! i’m perfectly capable of-“

you were cut off by him pinning you to the car by your waist. your breath hitched.

“perfectly capable of what?” he asked, his eyebrow perked up ever so slightly.

you went to speak but he beat you to it, “i easily just pinned you to the car, and you can’t do anything about it. what makes you think i’d let you walk home or take the bus alone?”

you felt yourself not being able to talk, looking at him with wide eyes, your heartbeat on fast forward.

“like i said a few weeks ago, whether you like it or not, you’re my skating partner right now and i’m not letting you be reckless because you’re too fucking stubborn to think about anyone but your burning hatred for me.” his grip tightened slightly before loosening.

“who said i hated you? and who said i think about you?” your spark of annoyance came back.

he chuckled and looked away, his side profile and laugh making your knees buckle ever so slightly, “no one has to tell me for me to just know y/n.”

sunghoon looked back at you and leaned down to your level, “no one has to tell me for me to know that i drive you fucking crazy on and off the rink.”

your whole face contorted in anger and you placed your hand on his collar before he leaned in more to crash his lips into yours.

all you remember is how your hands felt in his hair and the feeling of his hands sneaking under the bottom of your shirt to softly touch your bare waist.

after that night, right after practice you would already have an uber waiting for you. you wouldn’t run into him. you’d avoid him after work hours. and act professional on the rink.

after the practice the night before the competition you walked to the bathroom. you wanted to take a breather and wash your hands. when you looked up in the mirror you saw sunghoon standing against the stalls.

“what the fuck are you doing in here? this is the girls bathroom!”

“rinks closed. closed practice remember?”

you turned around and leaned on the sink, “so you waited for me in here like a fucking creep?”

“you’ve been avoiding me, why? that’s not very good chemistry for the competition…” he shook his head disapprovingly and walked toward you.

“so you only kissed me to focus on that? work?” you scoffed and looked away, “very typical of you sunghoon.”

he pulled you closer to him just like he did that night, “no. you’re not just some business partner to me. obviously i like you and i refuse to sit back and not let you at least be aware of that.”

“you what…?” you breathed out.

sunghoon chuckled again before leaning down to you, his lips so close to touching yours, “do i need to repeat myself? i like you. cancel your stupid uber and i will give you a ride home.”

he pulled away from you and started walking out of the bathroom, “we’re going out to get food too. hope you like western food.”

“o-okay…” you mumbled touching your lips before he fully walked out.

what the fuck was going on?

199 notes · View notes