#idek if I'm making any sense lol

[bintturaab]

Normally I'd consider having breakdowns as a waste of time and a nuisance, berating myself but mostly my brain for being triggered by the most random things ever that I never saw coming and then having a huge dramatic reaction that I cannot find any justifications or reasons for, that even I'm left confused by (so let alone even attempting to explain anything to anyone else).

But, subhanAllah, in Ramadan, even the biggest breakdown over the most unexpected and random thing, feels like it has a purpose and it's not a waste or a nuisance. It feels like your heart is just wanting to be torn open in front of Allah for Him عز وجل to mend the wounds even you can't make sense of; to mend your heart that has been broken in such a way that you don't even remember any of the origins of any of the scars, they've just been there since what seems like forever.

I think, of all the possible times to break down, Ramadan is the most ideal time to break down in front of Allah عز وجل, because this is the month of dua and this is the season of healing and this is the month of Qur'an and we feel a closer connection to our Lord and our Deen than we usually do throughout the year. So even after we break, there's no better time to pick ourselves up and return to Allah with whatever of ourselves and our hearts that remain. Because nobody except Allah can mend and heal us from our deepest traumas and fears and insecurities. May Allah have mercy on us all ameen.

[reinedeslys-central]

when it's been so long since you've read a fic that you forget about it and you find it in the search tags and start reading it again

and it's great, if a little familiar, but you've read a lot of these sorts of fics bc you like this tag a lot, so you assume it's nothing

but then the deja vu starts adding up and you start to wonder

and then moments before the great big Plot Twist Reveal happens you're suddenly like ah hell this is the bloody sundial fic again isn't it

smh this has to be the fourth time yet

[mamisfavmosherz]

Hello. I hope your doing well. I would like to request a Rhea Ripley X Pregnant Reader where reader and Rhea is planning a gender reveal and Choose to do it live on Monday Night Raw as reader is about to take maternity leave and is very emotional cause the wwe has been her dream since she was little girl so she ends up celebrating with the wwe universe and the locker rooms. If not I'll understand. Thanks you 😊

Pairing: Rhea Ripley x Pregnant!Reader

Warnings: Pregnant Reader, Fluffy

A/n: I'm so sorry this took me so long. My brain was malfunctioning on how to even start this lol. Honestly idek if i like this, but I hope this is somewhat what you wanted! ��

Masterlist , WWE Masterlist

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Big Dreams Let To This

You were in bed with Rhea, facing upwards the back of your head laying on her chest, her hand gently rubbing your belly. You were about 19 weeks pregnant and had just gotten the gender of your baby but had asked your doctor not to tell you, so you had the envelope with the gender on the bedside table. You and Rhea had been cuddling trying to decide how to do this gender reveal. You thought about doing it as a small gathering with both of your families and friends, but that just didn’t feel right for you guys. There was also the fact that all of your friends were wrestle and barely had any time off, Rhea also didn’t have that much time off, and to get both your families here at a time were everyone was free was harder than one would think. You also wanted to include the fans in some way, but you weren’t sure how.

“Well baby why don’t we just do it Monday at Raw ? All of our friends will be there and the show is where your parents live” Rhea suggested a smile on her face before she even said it. Your eyes immediately lit up at the idea. You would have everything you wanted, your friends and family, you would get to do it at a wrestling show, which has been your entire life sense you were a little girl, the people you do this for -other than yourself - the fans, would be there. It was perfect, well almost, there was no way Rhea’s family was gonna be able to make it for Raw in time.

"What about your family ? We can't do this without them... this isn't just about me. It's about us and our family." you said with a small smile on your face, your eyes a little glossy as this perfect idea didn't seem as perfect anymore.

Rhea lightly kissed your head a smile on her face, which made you frown, wondering why she would be smiling right now. "Well, my sweet girl, I already saved them tickets to the show, and their on their way right now. They should be lading tomorrow morning" you eyes lit up like Christmas lights a big smile adorning your face.

Rhea had already planned it out beforehand. She had the idea of doing the gender reveal at Raw for a little while, but she wasn't sure how you would react. Either way, whether that idea ended up happening or you did it another way, she knew the gender reveal was happening this week, so she bought her parents and sister plane tickets to where this week's show was happening and saved them Raw tickets just incase. Her family was gonna ride with you guys and stay at your house for the week either way so no matter your preference, Rhea knew it was going to work out.

You didn't even question her. You were just happy this was gonna happen the way you never ever knew you needed it to happen. You turned your head a little a kissed Rhea softly but passionately. You slowly sperated putting your foreheads together your eyes starting to get teary.

"What's wrong, lovely ?" You softly chuckled and gave her a quick kiss. "These are happy tears. I can't believe this happening"

Next Monday night, you were backstage sitting in the judgments club house. Damian and Dom were sitting beside you, Finn was sitting on the floor stretching, getting ready for his match, which was happening before your announcement. Rhea was making sure both your families were settled before coming back to the clubhouse.

"Fams all good, you guys ready ?" The boys all nodded and stood up, getting their final stretches in before the had to go out there. Rhea went over to you and helped you get up before holding your hand and giving you a quick kiss.

"When the match is over and it's just us in the ring, you can come out, okay ? Not before that, though, please, I don't want you getting hurt, either of you, " Rhea said before bending down and kissing you belly, then kissing your forehead. You smiled and nodded, loving Rhea's caring side. You wished her and the boys good luck before they walked out when their theme song started. You stayed behind in gorilla watching the match and waiting for your que to come out.

The match had been intense, Dom, Damian, and Rhea getting involved when they could without the Ref seeing and helping Finn get the win. Once their song started playing and all four of them stood in the middle of the ring celebrating, you got closer to the curtains, ready to go out there. You were nervous but also very excited.

"Well, well, well, would you look at that ? another win for the judgment day." Rhea said before doing her evil laugh. Some people cheered while others booed. Damian continued saying how everyone needed to Rise for the judgment day, Finn celebrated his win, saying they were the most dominant faction in all of wwe. Dom tried to talk but wasn't able to beacuse of the boos. Rhea shouted into the mic, telling the wwe universe to shut up, not only because of their stupid booing for Dom but also because they had another celebration to be had. At that, the crowd calmed down and started listening.

In that moment, your theme song started blasting, and you came out with a microphone in hand. People started cheering as they hadn't seen you in a while with you being on leave. Rhea sat on the second rope and held your hand, helping you climb in. You smiled at her and walked to the middle of the ring surrounded by your Judgment Day Family. You took a deep breath and listened to people cheering your name, your eyes already watering thanks to those damn hormones.

"I love you guys... I love you and this job so much... which is why I- no, we are here to share some big news with ya'll" you said, holding Rhea's hand.

"This industry has been a big part of my life sense I was little girl, and it will always be a big part of my life and now it's gonna be a big part of our babies life. This is why I wanted to share our babies gender here, surrounded by my family, my friends, you guys, the fans, inside a wwe ring. " Your face was already covered in tears thinking about your baby and how much you're gonna do so they have the best life you can possibly give them. Everyone started cheering just as excited to know the baby's gender as you were.

"Mami... wanna do the honors. " Rhea smiled before walking over to the ropes where the Pyro guys were handing her a remote, which controlled the pryo in the arena. You took a deep breath before everyone started counting down. "3... 2... 1..." Rhea pressed the button and pink Pyro, and confetti started going all around the Arena. You started crying and hugged Rhea, the boys gave you guys a moment before also joining in on the family hug.

After celebrating with the wwe universe you went backstage with Rhea and the boys. Right as you passed through the curtains all your friends were there congratulating you and giving you hugs. This was perfect, all you needed now was to see your family.

"Babe the boys are gonna get changed really quickly and then we can go find our fams and go out for dinner okay?" Rhea said once you were able to get away to a more quite area now that all the congrats had been given. You nodded and gave her a bright smile before waiting for them all to get ready.

Once everyone was ready you all meet with yours and Rheas families for dinner. You all talked and ate for a few hours. There sitting with your family - both blood and soul - you smiled. Your babygirl would be spoiled that for sure, but you wouldn't want it any other way. You were gonna give her the best life and you wouldn't wanna do it with anyone else than the people surrounding you and it's all thanks to a little girl with a big dream of getting to the wwe.

[thesweetestdevotion]

Can you please do how would Enhypen Niki be as a boyfriend? Thanks 💕

How Would Niki Enhypen be as a boyfriend?

disclaimer: idk anything about this idol or his band, so i'm just reading what i see in the cards! also remember tarot readings are for ent. purposes only!

Dice: Leo, Jupiter, 9th house

Tarot: Temperance, The Lovers Reversed, Six of Swords, Two of Swords, Eight of Coins, Queen of Swords Reversed, The Chariot, Two of Cups reversed

Okay so i dont know if hes living in a place where he is a foreigner, but i feel this energy very strongly, as the dice indicate movement abroad for stardom (Leo rules over celebrities). with jupiter there im seeing he found success and abundance away from home, he could also be jupiterian in his birth chart. How this relates to the question is i feel like right now hes mostly focused on fiding his success and working very hard, almost back-breakingly hard. Due to this he might not be the best typical "boyfriend" type. I also think there is some mistrust or fear of women, especially older women? maybe of rejection? is what im getting. I cant assume his sexuality but i think this general mistrust/fear of women also affects his overall vibe in relationships. He seems young (idk his age) so there might be a lack of real relationship experience, maybe some youthful dalliances here or there. I get little brother energy here idk, just feels like a very young adult (hopefully he is one). I just dont see him really being the type to settle down at this moment. He seems to just want quick connections or none at all. He is very well balanced however, i did say he feels youthful but there is a strong underlying responsibility that he shoulders, probably over his kpop career obviously lol. Overall, hes not a bad person, actually seems like a very serious dedicated person behind cameras, but he seems like he sacrificed a lot to get to where he is so all his energy is pointed towards his career. Like i said he seems young, so this energy is bound to change as he gets older. My advice to him (as if hed ever see it loll) would be to keep chasing that bag!! also not everyone is as relationship oriented as others are, so maybe that just wont be his thing at all in this life! hes figuring himself out like any other person here on earth hehe. Hope this sufficiently answered your question xxx.

(also guys im old okay the newest kpop group ive listened to is new jeans and idek their names, pls bear with me lolll)

(ok i looked it up and hes eighteen! phew! makes sense!)

[buddiesmutslut]

https://www.tumblr.com/buddiesmutslut/765477182337433600/hi-ive-been-thinking-about-episode-6-and-i-know?source=share

Your tags!

I didn't think about that, but divorce is a thing to Catholics!

Even tho he says he's not really religious he does sometimes do like religious-y things. So it might be more ingrained than he thought. And he did say he has the guilt he didn't know he had until recently.

Who knows. Maybe these past 3 months he's been stewing in his Catholic guilt juices. Lol.

Maybe the almost divorce thing did affect him more than he thought. Like he neeeeds to deal with the fact that she wanted a divorce and even if she had lived they were not gonna be a couple.

Felt like she kinda fell into the same pattern for a moment with him, but then she like was removing herself again. Like the almost-pregnant again thing shook her out of it & she was all 'nope not doin this again' but he's still stuck. 😭

Idek if any of this makes sense but yeah, your tags.

Yess! I have to admit, I wasn't raised Catholic, my family was pretty laissez faire about church, but I was pretty sure that divorce was a pretty big no-no for that particular faith lol.

They mentioned his catholic guilt last season and haven't really done anything with it since then, so I'm hoping we get some hint of it there, and it seems like we will, given that Ryan was shooting in a church and there's a possibility that the priest from S1 is back!

I really do think Eddie needs to face Shannon and their pending divorce before he can get Chris, and then I think that will lead to his queer arc, if they go that route. They're all tied up together, but something has to be untied first, and it's looking like it might be the Shannon of it all 🙏

Also, not anything that necessarily has to do with this ask in particular, BUT Ryan has talked about how Eddie has rose-colored glasses on when it comes to his marriage with Shannon, and Oliver has also mentioned rose-colored glasses when it comes to his current relationship with Tommy, and if the Chruch stuff is in episode 6 and so is the uncomfortable truths for Tommy and Buck & Eddie take off the rose-colored glasses of those two pivotal relationships at the same time...

It just makes something in my brain vibrate with excitement.

Also wow, sorry for word-vomiting all over your ask bestie I did not realize how long this answer got 😭

[shesalittlelost]

I've noticed this that most Nesta stans treat Nesta less like a character and more like a vehicle that they can use to be as misogynistic as possible and live their own mean girl fantasy on the internet. And the saddest thing is that it's not just her fans who do it, the author did the same to her so I'm gonna talk to about the latter first.

Nesta in ACOTAR wanted to go out and carve her life on her own because the realisation that she still hadn't found a purpose for herself while her sister already did and that she owed her whole life to her chafed at her. That's why their reunion in the first book was so touching. I was so looking forward to see what Nesta does with her journey but she isn't allowed that. Fast forward to ACOMAF, she's just... a mean girl, unnecessarily poking at her sister for no reason at all. This scene is used as a way to start Nesta and Cassian's “banter” and “romance” (lol) and in order to do that SJM basically walks back and kills whatever little but extremely significant development Nesta had in book 1. Her concern for her sister that made her risk her own life is forgotten and instead she's made to be petty, antagonistic and stupid and incredibly shortsighted even (when in book 1 she was the only one in the family who listened to Feyre & understood the threat Fae posed to the humans) to Feyre for no reason other than to clash her with Cassian. And since then it's been like this. SJM keeps obliterating everything that made Nesta, Nesta. Her ability to resist glamour? forgotten. Her not wanting to become a warrior? LOL her whole personality is just being fandom's cookie cutter sword and armour girl now. Her being averse to casual sex? Well.... you see... she lavvvvsss sex so muchhh that she starts daydreaming about having a threesome with her bf and his brother to a point that her brother-in-law can tell that from her face and gets awkward (🤮). Her wishing to explore this world on her own? Yeah lol that's not happening. Like ever.

This girl really just got moulded into someone that Miss Maas can conveniently use to live her own fantasy in the ACOTAR world. Maas is known to not get along well with other women in the field who are as popular and successful (if not more) than her and allegedly called one an ableist slur. It's public knowledge that she was horrible to her other author friends until they cut her off. She now lives in her own bubble and picks some two or three new people, less popular than her to befriend, who just hype her up. Sounds familiar? Yeah. Nesta too can't ever get along with any other major female character who is as equally relevant in the story as her. Elain was her best buddy until she stopped being Nesta's side chick. Feyre, she was always jealous with, in her own words. She looks down at Mor for not being dressed modestly causing the men to laugh at that insult (Sara, you're very obvious). That scene where Rhys aka SJM gasses her up by calling her an illyrian (warrior) as a compliment while comparing her to Elain and implying Elain doesn't count coz she just isn't one. Like there is such a big “she's not like the other girls! she is ✨different✨” energy going on with the way she's written, especially her relationship with every other women in the story, except for the two girls who are written solely to be her hype girls, that I literally can't stand it.

It starts to make sense why she appeals to a certain kind of fans here who also suffer from the “i'm not like the other girls” syndrome. A lot of these people don't even like or care about Nesta's character or story that much no, they just latch onto her to hate on every other character, especially the female ones, that they can't self insert as. Calling Feyre the nastiest things, hating on Elain for apparently being a “selfish bitch” and Mor for idek what. Like these people are physically incapable of talking about her or praising her without comparing her with or bringing down other women in the series and it's genuinely nasty how they talk about every woman who isn't her or the ones who suck up to her. I wonder if they realize how crazy they look to others coz they are very transparent.

[gudvina]

I know I'm late to this discussion, but I so agree with your post about Barson and Liv being in love with him. I feel like that's why she felt so betrayed by him. And what he said to her about how she feels more anger toward him than she ever did/does with Elliot, I think, and I could be wrong is because unlike with Elliot, she was fully starting to fall in love with Barba. Whereas with Elliot I feel like she's never let herself fully fall all in with him. And that's why Barba's betrayal hurt her so much worse. Idek if this makes any sense. lol

The feeling of betrayal runs deeper when it comes to Barba because she has certain expectations of him, and because her feelings for him are complex.

She's always had to look down at Stabler (even when she admired him) because she had to keep him in check, while Barba was who she looked up to, and the fact that he did something she perceived as wrong feels 100 times worse for her.

Stabler has always failed her, Barba never has. There is a lack of expectations on one side, and a surplus in the other.

[gaiamossiah]

Brainrotting a bit about Lucia lol

Warning: I didn't really dig enough especially i dont watch the author's livestreams (i dont know japanese huhu), therefore idk any quick trivia or clues she may have mentioned in passing. So these are just me going through face value materials available to average fans HAHAHAHA

my brain had gone weird again. When I first read ch 222, I had this theory that the scene with Lucia and Dr. Joe was a flashback because the first translation i read said "old" campbell house. And when Allen and the gang met an older Lucia in the bookstore... my personal theory (im not forcing anybody to think the same, hence, personal) kinda fit in more.

But another translation says..."at the same time" and "present-day" so idk anymore. And it was kinda odd that both Lucias wear the same exact outfit and hairstyle. Ok, anime/manga-wise, that is not really strange but it just felt like the outfit grew with her. Usually, even the outfit would indicate aging (some parts are styled a bit differently, etc.) but there's none. Even Allen changed hairstyles a couple of times, and Lavi, despite being consistent with his bandana and scarf, they still kinda change vibe or design. It kinda hit me that it's either two things: (1) "Lucia" is kind of a title as well and it's being passed down from gen to gen with a specific role, which means they have to maintain a certain appearance (hairstyle and outfit) throughout their lives while in the role. But this would apply better to the scene with Dr. Joe to be a flashback. BUT->

(2) If young Lucia was not a flashback, then what if there are more than one Lucia per gen? And in varying ages? What if like they are a group and they are all called "Lucia" ? I can't explain it well but it kinda explains why they wore the same outfit because it's a UNIFORM of some sort hahaha idk anymore. This is just me trying to make sense the "present day" label with a young lucia ajskdkahdowa

ngl i want the younger lucia scene to be a flashback because i dont want our lavi (current) one to be the one described as "no longer here" hahahaha dakjshdkajmpw no offense on prev lavi, i love you, too but TT^TT

Edit because my i forgot to add something after all that typing:

I know there's the consideration of it being the same person (Lucia) while the 222 scene is not a flashback. After it was confirmed that Allen's the host and even Neah knows it IS him but was confused by his age, a way to vary one's age doesn't seem so foreign to this story anymore. Hence, there is a possibility that someone out there can pretty much alter it, or hasten it. Either it's magic or a characteristic unique to a clan (i mean some vampire stories show fast aging and then stopping at some point, not in this story but I'm just saying it's not a new concept), I, at least, am not sure. [Again, I'm not able to consume every content for this manga because of language barriers.. and there's a lot not translated or idek some content existed until much later. I think even the fanbooks and artbooks have clues but I was never able to read those *sobs*]

But the fast aging does not make sense to me...yet (if it is true, i know Hoshino-sensei would have a very surprising way to show it to us and it would make sense), that's why if it was not a flashback, then the Lucia in 222 in the mansion with Dr. Joe and Lucia in 251 are two different people or heck maybe like JasDevi and The Earl (with Mana and Neah) are like two bodies from the same entity.

It may or may not be that I missed some dots and clue about this from the previous chapters (i believe any questions we have are already answered before, we just dont know the connection to past events yet... Sensei is like that lol) but this is what i undertsand for now.

TLDR, Lucia is a mystery 🤣🤣 like, how...? Hahaha

[sungboopdee]

Shirtless (Smut)

Today was just a normal day for you and your boyfriend Sunghoon.

You were in your shared room on the bed reading a book when a shirtless Sunghoon walks into the room.

You peak from over your book but soon look away to not be so obvious that your staring.

Though sunghoon wouldn't care as long as your only looking at him he was happy.

Sunghoon walks up to the bed and lays down next to you giving you a peck on the cheek.

"Mhm, I missed you." Sunghoon says as he kisses your neck.

You feel shivers through your whole body. " You saw me like 20 minutes ago." you say kinda getting lost in the way he kisses you.

Hands traveling to your chest, gripping your right boob with his hand from under your shirt.

You moan softly.

"That's way too long to not see my baby," he confesses playing with your nipple and making you moan loudly.

The feeling he was giving you was unreal.

Your whole body felt so good from just that little squeeze of your nipple.

"Jeez Sunghoon, that feels so good." you moan out wanting more.

"Oh really? How good?" He says this as he starts kissing down your neck to your nipples taking one into his mouth.

You don't answer him cause you are too into the pleasure. He doesn't like that at all.

"I know you heard me talking to you, answer me." he says as he grabs your face.

" Mhm, so fucking good, I want you to fuck me sung hoon, Hard." you don't even realize what your saying till it's already out.

You look into his eyes and he smirks making you so wet for him it makes no sense.

"good girl"

He finally loses it and takes your shirt off revealing your breasts.

He looks at them with a hungry look in his eyes.

A look that you give the food on thanksgiving (lol idek what I'm talking about 😭)

He's quick to pull down your cute little shorts you were wearing just to tease him.

Your pussy is revealed.

"No panties, huh? Your so wet baby, I just know you were uncomfortable with those shorts on." he says running his fingers through your folds making you moan.

You nod at what he says giving him the bed room eyes cause your so horny at this point it's just crazy.

He sticks a finger in your pussy making you arch and moan loud. He smirks.

"Hmmm, yes oh my gosh that feels so good don't stop." You can't keep your moans to your self cause your so drunk from his fingers.

"you like that? Do you like my fingers all in your little pussy?" his words were sending you over the edge. You were so close.

You could see the bulge in his pants. It looked uncomfortable for him.

As you are about to cum he takes his fingers out of you, leaving you a whining mess.

He takes all his clothes off making both of you now naked.

His dick was extremely hard and large. Your mouth waters at the sight.

He looks at you before grabbing a condom out of the nightstand.

He slips it on then moves on top of you rubbing his cock all over your pussy.

You moaned so loud you were sure the people next door could hear.

"You want this dick in you, don't you? Don't worry baby you know you always get what you want." With those words, he puts his dick into you without any warning.

You yell and put your hands in his hair, gripping it lightly.

He groans making you wetter then you already were. His thrusts got sloppy and you were just losing it under him.

His hands travel to your bare ass. Grabing it.

You cant hold it in for much longer and he can feel you tightening around him. Your so close.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum. Im gonna cum. Im fucking gonna cum." you say as you cum, shaking.

Sunghoon soon comes right after you.

The two of you try to catch your breath. Sunghoon still hasn't pulled out of you yet. But he soon does making you moan cause of the overstimulation.

He lays next to you. Out of breath.

"wow" that's all he says

Wow indeed.

_________________

This was my first time writing smut so sorry if it's bad lol. Requests are open 👐

[butmakeitgayblog]

Hey! I’m on my like 5th rewatch of The 100 and I’ve only just now seen this review on IMDb. I’ve been following your blog for a while now and keeping up with ADC. I was wondering if you know anything about this? I tried looking it up but nothing popped up. Granted I didn’t search too hard lol. But I just thought these claims were so wild. Did they mix her up with another actor? I’m just so ??????

Lol no

Not even once 😂

I do remember after the accusations from Bob's ex came out you had a few accounts accusing E&B of diva behavior - including one in which it said that Bob got physical with a crew member and that was why he was ultimately written off - but emotions were high at the time so no one ever really knes if that was fact or just bs smearing. But Alycia? Nope, not once.

No tbh this whole thing reads very oddly to me because all I've ever heard is that she's quite pleasent to work with actually. First of all, Alycia didn't "start in Vancouver and switch to LA". She was LA based since she moved to the US. So idek what this person is trying for there, but it doesn't even make sense. Second, if this person has such a wealth of insider knowledge, then they'd know this wasn't her first project in North America. Two seconds of research would show that (they said they "found out" it was her first acting job, so according to their own words they looked into it??? And still got it wrong???) She'd done a several things before the1oo, including tv work in Australia, a whole ass studio produced movie, and an indie movie over here.

Third? I mean if you follow her, you see she is often in pics with crew members and even follows a few on IG, as well as fellow cast members talking pretty regularly about how sweet she is and about times when they hang out outside of filming. Also iirc when she was directing her her episode of FTWD didn't she even get a... was it shaved iced, or like a coconut water thing? Some kind of frozen treat stand thing, for the entire cast and crew.

That doesn't exactly sound like a tendency toward tyrant, diva behavior.

But truthfully, the thing that jumps out at me the most tho is the Zionist comment. This comment was supposedly left back in 2021, right? Except... Zionist was not a widely known or used term at that time. For clarity, I'm not saying Zionism or the term Zionist didn't exist in 2021, I'm saying it wasn't a term the general public at large really knew or used often, nor was it something that ever readily came up in any sort of criticisms of actors, much less IMDB reviews 🤨.

So like... how and why would that have even come up at that time of leaving this review? In 2021?

Unless, of course, this person went back and edited an old review they'd left. Now that would make a lot more sense. Almost as if maybe possibly perhaps, they became angry with her for something else, and came back and changed their review to a scathing bomb. It's just a theory, I have no way of knowing if that's true or not, but it makes a bit more sense considering I've never heard such a thing about her - not on the 1oo nor any other projects.

[roetrolls]

OH YEAH HEY

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I MADE ANY PUBLIC UPDATES ON MY MG TREATMENT

In June I saw my neurologist and she was finally satisfied with my progress!!! So I've been getting weaned off the steroids ever since :] !!! Been stepping down by 2.5mg every 2 weeks, and this upcoming Sunday I'll be at 10mg (‼️) after starting at 30 (‼️‼️)

Then we start stepping down by 1mg instead of 2.5, so 5 more months on the meds after that and then!!!! We start weaning off the infusions!!!!!!!!

If I get sick my symptoms come back because I have more antibodies in me I think? And I've noticed that towards the end of the month when I'm due for another infusion my jaw starts to get sore if I talk too much... I also still get water in my nose if I'm not totally upright when I drink (so water fountains suck) but other than that!!! I really don't feel my symptoms at all anymore <:) I can finally sing again :']

I'm pretty weak though. Which makes sense. Because my muscles weren't working properly for a long time. But I'm trying to rebuild my strength and stamina and my whole family loves inviting me to work out with them

There are so many things I never realized were tied to the MG, like... I got really good at taking fast showers and you would 't think that's related! But it turns out the reason I used to take long showers was because I had so much fun singing in there. When I stopped being able to sing, there was no reason to stretch it out. I've also been so much more active and social and it's like... I feel alive again. I feel like I've risen from the dead.

There's never been a time in my life before now where I was healthy in both mind and body at the same time. Before my MG I really struggled with depression, and really soon after I got a handle on that my symptoms started. I've been really happy for the past few years, but also severely limited in what I was capable in doing. So now it's like... for the first time in my life there's nothing holding me back.

I mean there is a little bit, the infusions are still pretty brutal + I have to time things around them... and when a steroid drop lines up with my period my hormones go BALLISTIC and I cry at everything lol,, but like. I can just go out and do things. I have a job! A job TEACHING! Where I need to stand for 90 minutes (before treatment I could manage 11) and SPEAK WITH MY MOUTH AND PROJECT AND BE CLEAR AND I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT!!!

Anyways um <:) I'm doing really really well and I'm really happy. Idek if anyone is interested in hearing this stuff but. Have a little diary entry i guess, lol

I'm really looking forward to the future, and it's a wonderful feeling

[supercutszns]

idk why but every time i read rotten to the touch and now bitter to the taste, luke always reminds me of movement by hozier. idek if the lyrics fit him bc i'm not entirely sure what the song is abt or if it even applies to the heathen and luke buttt i just thought i'd share in case it makes any sense to you

omg a hozier song i haven’t added to their playlist yet…hold awn. this song is so them. it like,,,, sounds like them?? instrumentally?? i forgot how great this song was and the lyrics too

AGAIN this song is so from luke’s perspective oh my gahddd. heathen literally puts no effort into anything ever but she has such a strong personality that she’s a force to be reckoned with even when standing completely still u know he’s into that.

second line in reference to how he almost admires heathen’s blatant rage and it reminds him how angry HE is for better or for worse lol. and last line is their weird friends/enemies/lovers/with benefits thing they have going on but luke knows she matters to him

ATLAS MENTION‼️ this line basically saying that heathen isn’t showy or putting on a farce, she’s so effortless it’s like she holds up the world even when she’s sleeping <3 her idgaf energy is really just that powerful to him idk

“something so flawed and free” well……yes! definitely flawed that’s for sure! but there is something freeing abt the other person embracing your worst qualities (bc that’s why you’re attracted to them in the first place LMAO)

heathen quite literally is the oddest sight to come out at night possible. like that’s her. she’s a little freak that lurks around at night

thank u anon and thank u hozier for furthering the luke castellan deranged lover agenda🙏🙏 HE GETS IT!!

[3milesup]

My BoB ships ranking

(as encouraged by @sleepy-hyperfixations - thanks!)

i have thought about this from all sides to find a criteria and then i decided it probably comes down to which ships make me feel a particular way about them or spark thoughts, curiosity, creativity, and i found a compromise between the two things^^

so, here's what i come up with:

1. winnix - aka the pinnacle of ships, the Relationship Goals™ that i can't even bring myself to read much for because it stirs some deep deep nostalgia for what i've never had... but they've been for me the stamp of true love ever since i saw the show...

1. webgott - a ship that to me is almost too emotional to think about because either way you turn it around, it is always so painful (but so meant to be as well). but also: sizzling, fiery dynamics, so much depth to dive into, ahh they're everything...

3. now, here i am, shamelessly putting on the pedestal what i believe is a figment of my imagination, as i have never seen it anywhere (if anyone has, pretty please let me know^^) but it owns a chunk of my heart, and it is smokey gordon/alton more (what would that make them? smore? idek anymore... what even is my life…) i could write an essay but i'll keep it lowkey and say (affectionately): how have you people not seen it? they sooo had a thing, and a tad complicated, repressed, emotionally constipated but passionate one for that matter…

on shared 3th, because *shielding my eyes from the first two places* i will however die on rarepair hill, is speirsroe - it makes so much sense if you stop to look for a while and i love to do so. many feelings abt those two.

4. luztoye  - i wanted to put them higher, actually, bcs i am biased, bcs they are my flagship (that currently is like, adrift and half sunken but i'll pull it back afloat just like i will do myself) but alas, they're here. yes, i acknowledge that it is a ship standing on pillars of quite dry sand of two (2) interactions in the whole show lol, but the possibilities it offers to explore the personalities are vast and interesting...

5. speirton, bull/martin - are here in the ranking because i totally get the appeal and the dynamic and they are sort of "comfort ships" to me? like, an... angst-proofish certainty but just... never say never, but for the moment not quite on top of my list^^

6. quite the same for baberoe, placed here because it's an integral part of the fandom and i have all the respect but i'm sorry, i just can't see it, no matter how hard i squint...

ALSO, there is speirs/nix out there somewhere, but i can't for the life of me rank it, it just exists in my subconscious, intriguing and sadly underdeveloped, and i just wanted the world to know, because i think they are a gem full of potential^^

...'aight, i can't seem to think of other ships, so... i guess this is it^^ if you have any thoughts or your own rankings i'd love to know <3

[eerna]

Heyyy i actually really loved the first Throne of Glass book back when the book first came out, I was rereading and rereading it before the 2nd book came out it was so good imo

Assassin girl who loves shopping but then who also has morals? Hot guys in the opposing side? Evil guys idek why they're evil for now (then)? Mystery and magic? Sure! Premise any 17 year old would love!

No my innocent 17yr old mind couldn't comprehend the killing off of the one poc character was totally unnecessary for the drama effect. Not yet by then but my senses were tingling. I was learning.

And then the 2nd one came out and she just began butchering the story. Look I'm not saying I'd be a better writer but the way she just ripped apart the characters that were supposed to have been on the mc's sides in the first book, blaming them for everything, moves on...and then uses the conflicts to basically make them into the bad/gray characters?

....then in the same breath just meets these new characters who's cooler (?) have more powers, and then she keeps unlocking more names (??) and became infinitely more powerful like a pokemon,

...her choices were All Right and the people she left became the Enemies?? It could've been sm more interesting to have the mystery and magic actually have had terrible cause and effect, an actually Good magic system instead of basically plummeting the mc into....magicdom of rightness

This is why HB magic series is so much better

ToG was just....it reeked of something like...a child's story, like if a teenage girl had a writing idea and then became too hormonal to write an actually good story. If we can rename an entire series, I think I wanna rename ToG as 'She Was Always Right'.

I'm not saying we can't have characters make bad decisions but to totally dunk them to make the mc look good?? No accountability on the mc because she's just All That?

And so I began hating on the series. I kept following up on the rest of it tho to see if it gets better. Spoiler, or not, it doesn't.

Then Acotar came out and i heard more things about it. What I picked up on was that the main male character Rhysand kept coming back to the bad guy to just rip him apart even when he's not doing anything to them. Rhysand is also a hot fae (im gonna vomit) similar to Rowan who's basically the Best male main character there is compared to anyone else

And it made me theorize, of how...this may have been venting of some sort by the writer from their own experiences lmao like what if sjm had an actually bad breakup that she keeps using as the punching bag in her mind for the characters that she dislike? just like Chaol that she hates sm to the point she had to cripple him, then make it like all was his fault? And then whoever this guy in Acotar is? Who's basically the placeholder for bad bad guy because now...that seems personal the way her main characters are always right.

I can't be the only one who thinks she's projecting herself into her characters, and not even in a good way

And so now i stay away from her books. You could've been cool, SJM, I'm sorry I thought you were

ToG anon here, lol i just wanna say that. I think for me and my bestie who adored the first book, and now can't and won't touch sjm books with a 1000ft pole, we were just really disappointed with how it turned out. And hate as we know is sm stronger when it actually started with loving something a lot. It Could've Been Good. Lots of magic stories are good in a way that her stories aren't. She just takes alllll the magic system and make it the mc bitch because she buffs them up sm her mcs are basically untouchable beautiful powerful ladies, it's Stupid. It became a fanfiction of selfprojection and self-righteousness and no accountability. If other people think we don't like her books because Sex. Then they're wrong. I couldn't care less about the sex. I read lots of books that have em that don't annoy me. Ok I'm gonna stop now sorry lmao

(I hope this is the ask you meant to continue on, my inbox is a mess rn so I'm sorry if I connected 2 different people)

Vent your frustrations, you're welcome here!! She has a tendency to discard the initial cast and write a whole new one for the MC and this romance/friend group is the bestest and the most powerful and the coolest found family in the WORLDDDD!!!! Years ago there was a supposed interview where she said she names characters she dislikes after her ex boyfriends, but I can't find a source for that so take it with a grain of salt. BUT I do have to say that in ToG she at least tries to fix it, giving Chaol an entire 600 page solo book and allowing Chaol, Dorian and Aelin have their entire "besties who have forgiven each other" conclusion in the final book. And also I didn't mind that retcon all that much bc all of my fave characters showed up thanks to it, and I really disliked Chaol from the get-go so I liked how everyone kept clowning on him bsdjakbaksfk. But it is totally a valid complaint, it is understandable that seeing characters you're interested in be discarded and character assassinated is really annoying.

[laufire]

The Outsiders!

The only Outsiders run I've read in full is Winick's, and I really like what he went for in that one: a team down in the dirt, trying to gather intel and get ahead of massive supervillain attacks before they happen, going after huge trafficking operations, dictators... I'd follow that line.

So I guess what I'd need is to decide on the team. DC wouldn't publish these books without a Bat lol, and despite her being with the Birds of Prey now, I'd want Cass, tbh (sorry Luke and Kate, but I can't just follow what your run is doing lol). Not as a leader, though. My first thought for leader was Anissa. Especially because I kinda want Jefferson in the mix? Not necessarily on the team, but in the outskirts of it, as a source of information / asset, but still having to interact with his daughter as a team leader, iykwim?

Also, she and Grace are together at the start, but they'd be on the brink of a break up!! And they'd break up during the run!! And have ill-advised post-relationship hook ups and jealousy dramas and so on all before the eventual reconciliation. What I'm saying is that I want DYKE DRAMA X100 for this run añlsdfkjadsf.

Okay, let's not get distracted. More teammates... Tatsu, of course (I want to read more of her!). I'm thinking Helena Bertinelli, too? She was an Outsider for a hot minute and I love her lol.

I guess we should have some men too. I love Roy and I love Roy in the Outsiders, but in this case I'd have him as a temp member, maybe? With a similar role as Jefferson, ig. There'd be a whole thing where Anissa's leadership is questioned and all, before her role is validated.

Asdlfakjsdf sorry I just had the thought of JADE as an Outsiders member. She's trying a new thing. Roy wants her to try a new thing. It's messy as hell. IDEK if it'd make sense but whatever. If they can have her working with the Bats in 'Tec, why not? Cass would vouch for her too!

Right, I was talking about including some men... J'onn's been an Outsider. I like J'onn, he's a great asset to any team. As for others, maybe some more obscure dudes? I'm open to ideas. Red Devil? Virgil? Zachary Zatara for a wizard? Idk, give me ideas xD

[rin-and-jade]

Okay, so we've tried several times to write an ask, and each time we just..stop ?? So this time instead of explaining in detail n shit and saying how much we're sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, I'm just gonna write :/

So, we're kind of stuck, in the sense that idk if I'm/we're(both pronouns feel wrong lol) a system anymore and,wdk what to do about it.

Because basically 5-6 years ago, when we were around 10(i think, but at this point i only know the story through the "telephone" of our retellings) our brain tried to just.. get rid of most of the DID. I'm not even ducking kidding, i think it tried to lower barriers and smush most of us together, to the best of it's ability. From what I've gathered, it planned on shoving all our trauma deep down in the innerworlds, and hiding them from the main kid. Like, getting rid of thousands of fragments, banking them in little crevices of our brain etc.

That procedure was supposed to make it so the main kid could have more of their life for them- without access or even knowledge of the sheer size of the abyss and pain in background, and thus being less affected by it till they were old enough to deal with it. Idk how to explain really, especially since i myself barely understand.

In any case, it went wrong. I don't know why much, as our memory has increasingly deteriorated since to the point i have nearly no knowledge left. I'm not sure even all that ever happened, because maybe I'm just inventing stuff and creating a story were there is none, and I'm scared that what i know isn't real and just my imagination or smth

And what's left is..me i guess. I kinda feel like a fragment in the sense that i have limited consciousness and just..person-space(if that makes sense ?) I'm not sure if I'm several people, one person, an eldritch entity of kinda seperate kinda not glued together entities.

Idek what i want to be. I want to be a full person, that's for sure, but other than that ? Idk. I'm lost, I'm a mix of tons of different opinions and vague, weak, feelings, and flashes of blurry memories and desires that don't belong to me.

So.. i know you probably can't help, but do you have.. any idea on what I could do ? Or if others have been in similar situations and if it got better ?

This is a very long ask x knows, and it's desperate, and you aren't our/my psychs so I shouldn't just dump this and hope you have answers, and I'm so sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, but yeah.

I'm sorry.

Dissociative disorders do the job, but not perfectly, what you're explaining from the words of "nearly no knowledge left" sounds like retrograde amnesia, where it is near to impossible to remember anything from the past.

I also get a bit on what you mean with not knowing who you are,, that is usually close to a blurry moment? Because everything feels jumbled, its not clear, it is hard to discern wether there's multiple or not, etc. That could sound like it;

Have you been exposed to stress? Especially long term? Has anything awful been happening? Many factors can affect memory and recognizing who you are that can stem from basic needs that are neglected like sleep or rest if you're working for long periods, or deficiencies on vitamins/minerals/nutrition because they also play a part on fending off brain fog which can cause many issues like memory recall or trouble focusing,, or it can be to even deeper issues like stress as i said before, or if it is related to trauma, or any sustained physical injuries but it could be anything really.

Im guessing this is something that didn't happen in such a short time, but i do can give you some stuffs to do for starters:

Write down everything you can notice those feelings, those lingering sense of identity, or vibes, or thoughts, they are truly jumbled and it helps you organize and recognize your situation better if you have a physical record of what you're experiencing

Find the cause of problem If you can, try digging up anything you can find that could be the culprit, maybe before things get too foggy to remember that could serve as clues, and by checking with your current health (physically and mentally and emotionally) and see what could be fixed.

For sense of fulfillment It is overwhelming to know which or where you have to start from if you want to learn more of yourself, while you can do number 1 to jot down things you don't align with, this also gives you some ideas on what could be yours. Start somewhere small, like, how you like your daily morning, or preference in eating food, or the colors you think it looks cool.

It would also be great if you can leave out the tiniest bit of context next time, so my answers for now are rather vague and less pinpointed/specific. Though atleast still can suffice as a starting point to tackle your issues.

You can contact me anytime via ask box or DMs, let's see how things go for you okay?

- j