#idek anymore I'm just trying my best

[pine-tree-system]

I think for the sake of system communication and recovery, I'm gonna say I'm endo/genic.

Now now, hear me out-

Denial sucks ass and it's hard to beat. Especially without a therapist and/or a diagnosis. Hell, even with one, it's a tough beast to grapple with. And when I do grapple with it, when I try to fight it, it fights back even harder and I always go back to square one.

But well, if I might it half way... Maybe I can do better. Maybe it's easier to talk with my parts now.

Cause I know I have trauma. I know I have dissociated parts. I know I have sucky memory. And I know that putting it altogether looks a hell of a lot like CDD. But that doesn't make it easy to say that I have it. I know it exists and if this were someone else, I would've said "yeah, that could be a CDD. You oughta see a specialist!"

But the moment it becomes Me + CDD, right in the same sentence without any arguments... Suddenly, I want nothing to do with any of my parts. Or my trauma. Or my amnesia. I cannot have a CDD. I just can't. Don't tell me otherwise because the denial just can't allow it. It does not want recovery.

But maybe, just maybe, if I say I'm endo, maybe it'll make it easier. It's easier to say I'm endo with trauma (what an oxymoron lol) than I have a CDD. And because it's easier, it'll also be easier to talk with my parts. It'll be easier to journal too. And deal with trauma. Recovery will be easier.

Maybe. Just a little experiment. Feel free to politely argue otherwise. I know endos can be a trigger for some folks and I'm no stranger to going into fight mode due to triggers. I just don't wanna fight with you, person with good intentions.

Edit:

I'm gonna make it clear tho. I'm calling MYSELF endo. Whatever you are, that's your business. You know yourself. I'm not gonna say you're endo because your trauma doesn't look like trauma. That's rude as fucking hell, at the very least.

And also, it's actually less of saying I'm endo and just... Pretending I'm endo. Like, pretending I'm mixed origins despite contradictory evidence. Just so I can get from point A to point B. It's easier than trying to bash my denial away and yelling at it how I actually have a CDD. It doesn't wanna play like that. It wants to be a fucking idiot and say "oh sure. You have the symptoms and the common experiences and our recovery was pretty good when we acknowledged our systemhood. But you're not a system. You're a dramatic, sensitive, ableist, faking attention-whore. :)"

Like, thanks, denial. :/

But I'll spoon-feed my denial some good ol' endo-mixed origins BS, just in case it'll allow other alters to talk. So I can just... Communicate, check in with everyone, allow all my parts to talk. Allow every piece of myself to have a voice. Even if it really turns out that I don't have a CDD, I at least allowed the entirety of myself to have a voice and I'll treat myself better. Better than repression.

[iceicewifey]

kinda wish shay (and gigi) had more connections with characters that weren't just my own ocs or canon characters

[dazzlingjaeyun]

do mean dom sunghoon overstimming reader as a punishment and i will give you my firstborn 🙏

cw: smut so MDNI! (fingering, unprotected sex, overstimulation (duh), choking but not really, degradation but also praise, idek i'm just very confused)

hanna says: gimme the firstborn👹

"h-hoon, 's too much," you slur for the nth time, your boyfriends fingers relentlessly rubbing circles over your puffy clit. you try to squirm under him, but his other hand is holding your hips so tightly it almost hurts.

sunghoon's huff is the only sound that cuts through your whimpers and the squelching sounds of your wetness.

"i decide when it's too much," he replies through gritted teeth. "won't stop until the only thing you remember is my name," he mumbles, eyes fixated on your abused cunt and the way his fingers, fully covered in your arousal, move from your clit down to your leaking hole once more.

the feeling of his digit against your entrance makes you look up at him with widened eyes. sunghoon thinks you're so pretty like this – your dress hiked up, the flimsy piece of clothing resting around your waist, straps daring to fall down from all the squirming underneath him and eyes filled with tears.

"hmm, already can't take it anymore?" he asks, his voice dripping with mocking sweetness, "but princess, i didn't even start."

your reply gets stuck in your throat when he pushes two fingers in, making you gasp and arch your back just another time.

"you wanted to be a slut, so i'll show you just what sluts get." and with that, he quickly pulls his hand away from your core and grabs both sides of your hips, manhandling you onto your stomach and pulling your hips up.

your head rests tiredly against the pillow as you try your best to stop your legs from shaking.

"say the word if it gets too much," his now soft voice cuts through the fog of your thoughts that are just filled with him, him, and him. his left hand gently massages your bruised hip, waiting for you to nod before all the gentleness disappears and he pushes his entire length in with one harsh thrust. the force of it would have been enough to make you lurch forward, if it wasn't for sunghoon's strong grip on your hips.

usually, he waits for you to adjust to him, but tonight he just can't wait to finally see you falling apart on his cock.

"so tight for me," he mumbles as he pulls out to his tip, only to slam his hips forward again. your hands weakly fist the sheets to somehow ground yourself as your boyfriend continues his movements.

"you think anyone else could fuck you like this?"

you try to shake your head, not trusting your voice, but you're too weak to even lift up your head from the pillow.

"right," sunghoon says, "pussy made just for me," he mumbles, repeatedly slamming his hips against yours, the tip of his cock meeting your cervix with each thrust.

it's too much and leaves you wanting more at the same time, your safe word constantly on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't get yourself to say it, it hurts too good :(

"mine mine mine," he grunts between harsh thrusts.

he lets go of your hip, his hand moving to your front to find your clit again. his fingers work fast, uncoordinated circles around your sensitive bud, way too captivated by how hard you're clenching him.

"s-sunghoon," you manage to whimper in between choked moans, feeling him twitch at the sound of his name rolling off your tongue like that.

"that's right, that's my good girl," he slurs, his free hand moving to your neck, pulling your torso up, your back leaning against his chest.

"want you to scream my name when you come undone on my cock," he demands, "i'm the only one who can make you feel like that, right?"

instead of replying, you just let your head fall back on his shoulder.

"your fault for being all flirty with my friends in that stupid short dress," he mumbles in your ear while his thrusts and his rubbing against your clit only grow harsher :(

that's what pushes you over the edge for the nth time that night. the intensity with which your walls are clenching around him making it almost impossible for him to move, as you just whimper a string of curses and his name, too far gone to form a coherent phrase.

when you come down from your high, the temporary pleasure giving way to pain, you weakly grab his wrist, tapping your finger on his skin to signal him to stop.

"fuck– almost there," sunghoon replies, not stopping his thrusts but slowing them down just a bit, "just a little longer, can you do that for me?"

© dazzlingjaeyun, 2025. please do not copy.

[lizziesribbons]

So badly |

PAIRING: RICH STEPMOM! WANDA X FEM! READER

summary: Wanda is your dad's new wife and an incredibly talented business woman, you always liked her but you felt as if she didn't feel the same way about you, she was always cold with you truth be told you were too innocent to know what the real intentions behind the coldness was.

warnings: ****MINORS DNI***** *****MEN DNI***** ****CONTAINS SMUT LOTS OF SMUT****** degradation kink, hair pulling, praising, angst if you squint, mommy kink, r being head over heels in love with Wanda, Wanda being mean too mean but hot. SO HOT. squirting muahahaha, multiple orgasms, crazy crazy gay peOple, everyone's gay y'all are gay, gay gay gay. I need to drown in holy water cuz um yea.

author's note: I changed EVERYTHING CHANGED I don't know if y'all even know who I am but like anyways idek if this is gonna be a thing I just got an idea and I wrote it in my notes and now I'm posting here ‼️

Word count: 2.1k

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wanda maximoff.

She was an intimidating woman. even her name is hot? When your dad first introduced her you immediately fell in love whenever she was around you were always squirming in her gaze, she was just too pretty too perfect. Too good for your dad. Your dad wasn't the best man in the world he was alright, he was always working always travelling he didn't have time for you or anything else that's why you were shocked when he brought her. Wanda.

Wanda was a business woman too. A successful one indeed, She had 2 twins Tommy and billy, who you instantly grew to love, you wondered how Wanda handled all of it, A husband, A business and still making enough time for her kids, she was like a super mom there was no single doubt her kids loved her. And she loved them.

Your dad was barely home so it was always just you Wanda and the twins, you never felt like Wanda liked you whenever you would try talking to her she would give you cold responses, always looking into your soul like she was angry at you. She would constantly taunt you whenever you would go outside with your friends and come home too late, or when you wore something a little too revealing. Some would say she was possessive you just thought of it as her being her grumpy self

but what you didn't know, Wanda wanted you. Every second of every day she thought about you but she knew it was wrong. so she would put up this act to hide her secret. her dirty little secret, no one except Wanda knew what kind of thoughts ran through her mind, what she did at night thinking about you when her husband was asleep beside her.

she thinks about how her fingers would feel inside you, making you scream her name, whispering all kinds of dirty things in your sweet little ears

how good it would feel to fuck you with her strap until you couldn't take it anymore, she often gets off thinking about you but you weren't aware of any of it. She sometimes thought you knew cause of how you would bend over in front of her wearing the most smallest skirts possible but she knew you were just as innocent as you look, she also knew about the crush you have on her, it was too obvious with how you would look inside her shirt every time she bent down to pick something, how quickly you would respond every time she calls for you, how flustered you would get when she's around. she wasn't blind she could see right through you.

You were always home nowadays as your college was off and your friends were either on vacation with their family or they just didn't have time. Wanda had a business event today on which she asked you to come with her as the twins were at their dad's and you would be home alone, she even picked up an outfit for you, it was a cute black dress simple and elegant not too small just how Wanda liked. She was so sweet with you today. too sweet. even offered to make your hair and do your makeup and you let her. cuz how could you deny it? you let her dress you up like you were her personal doll she gave you a kiss on the cheek that made you blush so hard Wanda immediately noticed and smirked.

the car ride from the house to where the event was being held was filled with tension. Wanda's eyes were constantly on you eating you up she noticed the way you clenched your thighs under her gaze and how you shied away every time you two would make eye contact, when you reached the destination, Wanda opened the door for you holding out her hand to you. Your fingers intertwined with hers following her between the crowd of people.

You insisted on staying behind as she went on the red carpet. admiring her you noticed how beautiful Wanda really is, she is hand-crafted by the gods you wondered how it would feel to touch her. every inch of her body you wanted to kiss her so bad the urge to do it was strong. Wanda noticed, Ofc she noticed she smirked knowing your gaze was on her and all her attention too, you looked at her coming back to you as you straightened your back and smiled at her, she held you by your waist and told you "I want you to meet some people malaysh" the nickname made you weak. you just wanted to fall on your knees and beg Wanda but you couldn't.

After meeting those people Wanda left you alone to go and sort some business deal you didn't care about. Wanda saw you laughing and chatting with some people she thought it was nice you were getting along well, until. she saw this girl put her hand on your thigh and getting too touchy. Wanda felt something burst inside her she interrupted the conversation she was having came behind you and pulled you back from your waist making you push yourself into her crotch.

Wanda looked at the girl and raised her eyebrows, the girl was out of there in a second. It was hot. so hot the power Wanda holds, you were about to ask what that was when suddenly you felt her fingers hold your ass tightly as she whispered in your ear "Stop flirting with every person you see just to get my attention" Your legs failed you as you moan slowly in wanda's grasp, her hold was bruising on you as she whispered again "don't be a whore now, go wait in the car I'll be there in a bit"

as you were waiting for her impatiently in the car and afraid of what to expect next, you heard the car door open and Wanda got in, you didn't say anything. not even a word. her too. the car ride was silent. so silent you could even hear your heartbeat and it was fast. you were sure Wanda heard it

after getting home Wanda softly told you to go and wait in her bedroom like a good girl and you did. not cuz you were a patient woman no no no you were the most impatient girl in the world according to Wanda but you just wanted to make her happy.

after a bit she came in. You saw a bulge inside her pants. looking up at her, sitting on the bed on all your fours she came up to you and held your jaw softly

"you look so good like that, on mommy's bed like a good little slut" Wanda wouldn't be at fault if she thought you came right there, and then because of the moan you let out on the nickname Wanda referred to herself as. but she shrugged it off only smirking at the sight

"strip. slowly." you start striping taking off your dress first, Wanda's eyes on you as she starts undressing herself too making you gasp at the sight of her.

"you're so beautiful," you said as you worshipped her body just by your eyes, giving herself a moment or two to smile and blush at your compliment, she said sternly "Less talking, let's put that mouth to better use yeah?"

she took off her pants and underwear revealing a scarlet strap attached to her as you look at it and drool "Open up show mommy how good of a slut you can be" she said as you open your mouth tongue out, she guide the strap inside your mouth not even half of it and you were already gagging, it was bigger than anything you've taken before but Wanda didn't care, your gags and whimper were music to her ears.

losing herself in the pleasure she started thrusting inside your mouth as you sat there drooling, she threw a sadistic smile your way and said "I think we just found the perfect way to keep your mouth shut"

Wanda pulls out suddenly, your face covered in sweat and tears, and lays down on the bed

"come here ride my strap," she said patting her lap, gasping for air your breath shaky from the previous encounter you said

"y yes mommy"

slowly, you lower yourself onto her strap, your eyes locked with hers as you whispered "It's too big"

Wanda pouted her lips with fake pity "Aw is it?" you nodded as she looked at you "Is it too big for my little whore huh?" you nodded again not breaking eye contact

"fucking say it then. you can speak" Wanda said sternly placing a sharp slap on your ass, just as you were about to say Wanda force your hips down onto her strap "Too late" You bit your lip feeling her strap penetrate deeper into your wet slit

"Mommy hurts please ah" moans and gasps. it was all you could let out as Wanda ignored all of it and thrust your hips up and down on her strap, tits bouncing with the force.

your body trembling as you take her deeper inside you, suddenly you feel a sharp slap against your tits just as a humiliating spit was delivered on your face, spit drips from your mouth onto your chest as she slaps your tits repeatedly

"Mommy too much-gonna cum please" you plead at her "Come for mommy honey let it out" You came just as soon as those words left her mouth, she didn't stop. turning you guys around so she was on top she started thrusting with all her might as the bed started moving

"you know how badly mommy wanted to fuck that pussy from the very first time she saw you huh?" she whispered in your ear making you moan as she kept thursting "How I touched myself at the thought of being inside you fucking you so deep your legs wouldn't work for weeks? it was a torture not being able to fuck you every moment I saw you I just wanted to bend you over and take you" The dirty confessions only added fuel to the fire as you were already close

"please Mommy" you said weakly as she thoroughly fucked you, the room filling with noises of skin slapping together, "Please what? say it, baby"

"please I'm gonna cum again" you say looking up at her, "cum again for me then you don't need my permission"

just as you were about to cum she reaches down to rub your clit "NO PLEASE NO!" was the last thing you said when you lost control completely and squirted everywhere, not knowing what happened you looked at Wanda who was smirking smugly as she pulled out of you slowly and took off the strap throwing it down the bed

"Mommy I've never done that I'm sorry I don't know what happened" Wanda looked you down with admiration as she cooed cupping your face "Oh baby no that's okay you did good it was so good" she softly kissed you, leaving small kisses down your neck to your stomach until she reached between your legs

"no too much, can't." you tried squirming away but her strong hands held you in place "Just trust me" She raised her eyebrows and scanned your face for any hesitations as she dived down and carefully cleaned you up making sure not to overstimulate you

she sat back up "You taste so good", blushing at her compliment you muttered a "thank you"

"so adorable" Taking you in her arms and holding you against her she whispered sweet nothings into your ear through the whole time until you fell asleep in her arms, she looked at you knowing you were hers now. for forever.

[therealplaguedoctor]

Incantato?

Kimi antonelli x fem!reader

Summary/prolong (idek anymore)- Where kimi was so star struck that he could only talk in Italian...you know Italian.

Warnings/content- fem reader, 2nd person (you/your), tried to not use y/n used maybe once or twice, lmk if I missed anything

Non serious warnings: the time line might be a little fucked but uhhh idc, reader isn't described as any nationality but is hinted at being American (not explicitly mentioned), author is a dumbass and pretends she knows shit(she doesnt), American spelling, I never spell check, Idk what a kilometer is,

A/n- sooo I've been wanting to write a kimi A. fic FOREVERRRR as hes definitely one of if not my favorite driver, so ye! Also thanks again to anon for giving me the fic name and giving me the context it is used in I'm also apologizing for my Google translated Italian.... and another side note Ik I didn't use 'incantato' in it's technically correct context it still wanted to do my original dialog so oops?

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

You've known ollie for a long time. So long in fact you can't even remember when. You've two whenever you've been together had been inseparable which made it all the harder when you couldn't see eachother due to his Karting but alas your friend ship survived and you two, not having talked in person for a very long time, are still really good friends.

"Please come on we haven't seen eachother in forever it would be nice to hang out!" Ollie partially begged on the phone. He was trying to get you to come to the Great Britain Grand Prix more commonly referred to as Silverstone.

"I don't know Ollie..." You said I mean with travel expenses you really didn't want to..

"Pleaseeeee? I'll cover all the travel" he said trying his hardest to get you to agree

Welp there goes your only excuse "fine.." you said giving in

"Thank you you're the best" you could hear the smile in his voice as he talked. The conversation continued touching random topics before you declared it to late and said your good byes.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

You finally touched down in the UK. You grabbed your bags and made your way to the exit. Ollie while wanting to pick you up from the airport was pulled into a meeting to go over his times so he was super apologetic. You of course told him it was fine and that you can just get an Uber to your hotel. That of course is what you did.

Arriving at your hotel you checked in and threw all your stuffs in your room. Jet lagged from the flight you decide just to take a shower and head to bed as it was late anyways due to flight delays.

You peeled the airport clothes off of you throwing them on the bathroom floor before stepping into the warm water falling from the shower head. The hotel actually had decent water pressure.

Stepping out of the shower you wrapped yourself in the towel smoothly applying your hair products. You pat your hair dry opting to let it air dry the rest of the way. You quickly got dressed in some comfortable pj's. Sitting in the hotel chair as you grabbed your phone to text Ollie,

You: just letting you know I'm in the hotel and gonna head to bed

Ollie: okay

Ollie: ill pick you up tomorrow

Ollie: sorry again about not bing able to pick you up :(((

You: Ollie it's fine!!!

You: you were busy it's okay!!!

Ollie: okay

Ollie: I still feel bad :((

You: don't.

You: problem solved

Ollie: :D

You: good night Ollie

Ollie: night!

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Your alarm blared again in your ear. Annoyed you shut it off glancing at the time. Begrudgingly you got up and slowly got dressed and got ready looking in the mirror you fixed your hair. As you finished your phone rang, picking it up you looked at the caller ID: Ollie, you answered

"Hey what's up?" You asked

"Hey goodmorning" he said "I'm pulling up to your hotel now if your ready?"

You grabbed your bag and stuffed your wallet in it "yeah I'm ready I'm heading down now" you said "just got finished"

"Alright see you soon" he said happily as he hung up.

You shut the door to your hotel room behind you it clicking shut and checked to make sure it's locked. Satisfied you went over and took the hotel down.

Exiting the elevator you immediately spotted the tall brit.

"Ollie!" You called

He looked your direction looking for the voice. Almost instantly spotting you a smile spread crossed his face. "Ahh there you are" he said.

"Hey ollie" you smiled walking up to him

"Hey" he said "let's go before we get swarmed" he said with his poor disguise: sunglasses

"You mean you get swarmed" you said as you made your way to the exit "Mr hot shot formula one driver" you joked

He chuckled "well how does it feel to be the best friend of the hotshot f1 driver" He asked pretending to be an interviewer.

You smiled letting out a small laugh as he opened the door to the car

"Ever so the gentleman Mr bear" you smiled

"If my mom found out I didn't behave like this she would kill me" Ollie joked before he got in the car shutting the door and starting it up "I swear youre her favorite child" he joked

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Arriving at the paddock you both got out of the car smoothing out our clothes after shutting the door Ollie handed you a pass.

"There you are" he smiled "it's a ferrari pass cause you know me being reserve and all" he said "I wish you would come to one of my prema races though" he pouted

"Firstly: thanks" you said "and secondly you know my classes over lap with your races plus I wouldn't be able to properly hang out with you if it was an actual race weekend"

"Okay good point" he smiled as you both made your way to the entrance, "oh I know you know but there gonna be a bunch of cameras just ignore them and there'll be a bunch of fans so I'm gonna stop and sign some things"

You nodded as he scanned his pass letting him inside you quickly did the same.

Ollie quickly went to the side taking some pictures with fans and signing some items you stood off to the side waiting for him to finish as he waved good bye to the fans he walked towards the wall of camerasbefore following the path and flow of people, you were quick to follow him.

"Hey man slow down I'm not as tall as you" you complained

"Sorry mate" he chuckled "i just want to introduce you to my friend he's probably in the Mercedes hospitality..." Ollie trailed off as he looked around. As he looked around he took off in a direction. At his sudden take off you followed him quickly weaving through the people.

Finally you caught up to him, he was talking to another guy, a cute guy, dressed in Mercedes gear with curly Brown hair.

"Ah there you are" Ollie smiled wrapping his arm around your shoulder. "Kimi this is my friend, y/n I've told you about her" Ollie smiled looking over at Kimi.

He stood there almost speechless for a moment before shaking his you could only assume to organize his thoughts, he then turned partially to ollie talking in a hushed tone that you could still hear "Ollie, non mi avevi detto che era bellissima, (Ollie you didn't tell me she was beautiful)"

Ollie chuckled, he picked up on a bit of Italian he wasn't to keen on speaking but he knew what was being said, "dude chill she's like a sister"

"Lo so, lo so, ma sono solo...(I know I know but I'm just...)" he trailed off as he looked up at you, you wouldn't describe it as staring more like enamored

"..incantato? (..enchanted?)" You asked as you watched kimi's face heat up he became so red in just a few seconds

"Io uhhh- umm scusa- cioè dovrei scusarmi- Uhh non voglio sembrare inquietante- (I uhhh- umm sorry- I mean i should apologize- Uhh I don't want to come off as creepy-)" Kimi stumbled over word after word trying to apologize to you.

You just smiled "non preoccuparti, penso che sia stato carino, proprio come te (don't worry I think it was cute, just like you)"

Smooth real smooth.

His face became somehow every more red. Ollie spoke up "I feel like I'm interrupting something..." he said looking between you two

"No don't worry Ollie not interrupting anything" you smiled "right Kimi?" You asked the Italian who is still trying to gather his thoughts

"Oh sí, non interrompo nulla...(oh yeah, not interrupting anything...)" kimi said

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

You were just sitting in a semi secluded area in the paddock. Ollie had disappeared long ago probably chatting with kimi. Or that's what you thought before the Italian appeared in front of you.

"Hey um Y/n" he said shyly avoiding eye contact at seemingly all costs.

"What's up kimi?" You asked

"I just wanted to apologize for earlier, I didn't know you knew Italian and that's not an excuse I just shouldn't have said that and-" kimi started rambling

"Kimi" you said snapping him out of his own thoughts

He finally looked at you "yeah..?" He asked

"Have a seat" you said motioning to the seat across from you. He obliged sitting down quietly.

"I wanna say again-" kimi started again

"Kimi" you cut him off "it's fine" you smiled "I never said I was uncomfortable with it in fact I said that it was cute" his face started to heat up again

"I uhh umm" he cleared his throat embarrassed and blushing

"So wanna go for a date?" You asked nonchalantly

Kimi nearly falls out of his chair "I uh what!?" He asked

"Oh sorry did I read the room wrong-" you started

"No no, no!" He said quickly trying to recompose himself "I meant, yes i would love to go on a date with you" he smiled

"Great give me your phone" you said, he quickly handed it over you punched in your number creating the contact and handing it back to him.

"Okay there you are" you smiled as you got up "well it was great meeting you kimi but I do have to go give me a call or text me so we can schedule our date" you smiled before leaving.

Kimi was kinda stunned, frozen he didn't know what to do or say. Before he heard a familiar voice behind him:

"Oh she's gonna eat you alive" Ollie teased

Kimi almost jumped out of his skin "FUC- wha- how long have you been standing there?!" He asked

"Long enough." Ollie chuckled "yeah you probably won't last the date with her" he joked making kimi huff in annoyance, Ollie just smiled before resting a hand on kimis shoulder leaning to his ear "but if you hurt her I will not hesitate to shunt you into the wall next race."

"Noted...." kimi nodded

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A/N- So I have an idea for a part 2 (I've already started writing it) but idk if I'll finish it or post it but if you want to see it lmk!! But this fic has been in the works for a while and it kinda skipped ahead of 3 other fics which one of them is for a driver I've probably have writen too much for (Logan sargeant) but are we surprised? No the answer is no. But yeah so potential part 2 coming but it'll be more funny also side note i don't like this rn I might want to redo it later or I'll read it later and be like oh this was actually good or smthing idk anyways have a good day :)

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[myceliacrochet]

I feel so overwhelmed. I have no income, no stable place to live, and hundreds of people coming to me who need thousands of dollars each to avoid getting incinerated, starved, tortured. I make crochet -- when I can get supplies -- and I'm trying to make stickers, when I can get supplies... I'm not very employable and everything is so expensive and it's all falling on my roommate.

I need to hold a fundraising event

Everyone is either stretched to their limits helping or can't be bothered

I'm doing my best to reblog, follow, and react every single campaign I can that is either vetted or has a clean RIS. I'm telling myself that I'm doing enough by contributing art and promoting these campaigns, but the reality is people need money and I'm giving them condolences and things that may not help much.

I had a bit of success promoting Omar's campaign and foolishly believed I could get those kinds of results again. Tumblr staff is being beyond ruthless, attacking even the critical and dangerous vetting work people are risking their lives for on the ground.

I don't know what to tell people who are coming to me for help in what may be their last moments and I'm like "hey here have a shitty art I made that might make a miniscule difference but probably won't. All the best!" I try to respond through my actions instead of words because like Kurt Vonnegut said there's fucking nothing to say about genocide because no one's meant to say anything they're just meant to get blown up. So then I'm ignoring the people who most need help in the world, coldly turning away. So I say sorry and offer these small useless things as if it means anything and every day I lose more sanity and meaning in my life because doing less than what I can to help people not get genocided takes all the color out of my world. I can't imagine truly relaxing or enjoying anything until there's no genocide happening anymore, and I don't see that happening. I feel hopeless like I did in 2016 but this time there's no back door out.

Every time I start to work on something I feel hopeless like it won't work

I have to get my ass into gear, which means I need to:

- pick up my prescription for strattera, I guess I have that now. That will help me focus

- get back on my antidepressants as soon as Fatima's campaign hits $10,000. That will help me keep moving

- talk to other organizers so we can work together.

I am drowning, I am burning in this hxll created by my own culture. Every day they torture the children and the adults come into my DMs and scream help us please please someone help us.

All I can do is do my best every day. I'll keep moving forward

Doing something is better than doing nothing, gxddammit, which means I'm doing a good job I guess, it's just little comfort as I watch the children get engulfed in flames.

Like, I know I can't end all genocide on my own but there's got to be more effective things that I personally can do.

I guess I'll check out one of those lists of things you can do other than donating money

If anyone has yarn to donate and/or could cover shipping or help me find free yarn in my area, that would be so helpful. Because there's nothing I'd rather do than tune out and crochet most of the time and sell it for myself and others.

Please talk to me about how we can work together to help these precious people!!! I need to do more

@monstermashpotato @sylvianritual @gazavetters @determinate-negation @dlxxv-vetted-donations

@gaza-evacuation-funds @gazagfmboost @fly-sky-high-09 @90-ghost @nabulsi @halalchampagnesocialist @huzni @hussyknee @notallmensheviks @neechees @fuckyeahmarxismleninism @fayruz0-blog @gothhabiba @radicalgraff @marxism-transgenderism @marxist-lesbianism @voyagerprobe @workersolidarity @cheezbot @gayspacemonk @bogleech @slitherbop @butchniqabi

I guess I just need to work on my small business... Idek if I'm even helping by reblogging all this stuff, I'm just spending hours a day spreading stuff around to other people who can't really donate. I just seem to be wasting people's time who are going through genocide, I might even be only adding to their suffering. I don't know if I have the moral fibre to do this work, idk I just seem to cause bad things to happen to myself and everyone around me by dedicating so much time to reblogs instead of just securing an income, paying my bills, and being content to give a "reasonable" portion to genocide relief. I can't do that, I have to give all or most of myself but then I'm just a burden to my roommate and others. Or going all out and doing something really big that could really bring in the money they need

I'm sick but people need me

I guess what I'm seeing here is that I need to switch gears to working on crochet more and that will help me be able to help people and it will also be better for my mental health. I'll work on getting the supplies I need to continue. But idk I'll come back to this later and figure it out.

Thank you for listening I wish I could just let my brain scream to death but like people need me to keep it together so I can actually help but I'm at a loss as to how to help

I'll do it gxddammit I'll fucking get it done I'll crochet for this and it will make a difference and I don't have to suspend happiness until this is over I have to maintain some of that light of happiness within. It's not all on me we are working together

Hey 🩷 So I wanted to let people know that I am safe now. I'm back on my most necessary meds, I've applied for SNAP and general assistance, and I'm feeling stronger after having some more success promoting campaigns.

We are living during multiple holocausts. I take comfort in doing the work. We're making a difference in people's lives.

Thank you for helping me keep my head up. Let's keep going.

[worldsanna]

i love you, i’m sorry

a/n -> idek what this is, i just wanted to write something for this song, enjoy <333

it was the rain.

i swear i was fine until i watched the droplets of water begin to pour down onto the ground.

the sickening crack of thunder accompanied the obnoxiously loud sounds of the rain, almost as though the universe was laughing at me.

as my wet t-shirt stuck to my skin, i was brought back to the one night that i wanted to forget more than anything. the night that i ruined everything.

i was holding her in my arms, consoling her after another failed attempt at a date. she had grown desperate, fearing that she would never truly find the right person for her.

but how could she think that when i was right there? i was always there.

i dropped everything and anything the second she needed me, yet it was never enough for her. usually, i would suck it up and push my feelings aside. but not that night.

“this dating thing is stupid. you’re never gonna find love if you keep trying to force it. this is getting exhausting, aren’t you tired?”

i had finally reached my breaking point, and i snapped. i snapped at the one person who i genuinely didn’t think i could live without.

it was selfish of me, and she made sure i knew it.

“you’re my best friend, you should be supporting me instead of discouraging me. just because you’ve given up on finding love doesn’t mean i should”

she was right, to a certain extent. a good friend would support her, but that was the issue. i didn’t want to just be her friend anymore.

“i’m not discouraging you, i’m just trying to point you in the right direction”

“why the hell would i even take advice from you? no offense, but your love life has been pretty non-existent lately”

she had never spoken to me that way before, but i could tell that she meant the words.

i was so wrapped up in the pain that her words brought me, that i hadn’t even realized that she was making her way towards the door.

before i could will myself to stop her, she twisted the knob and stepped out into the pouring rain. she stood there for a few seconds, waiting for me to speak up. she wanted me to fight for our friendship, but i simply couldn’t. i was tired of this same cycle, repeating itself over and over again.

she goes on a date, it goes terrible, she comes crying to me, i encourage her to get back up onto her feet, and she finds someone new. every. single. time.

i couldn’t spend the rest of my life chasing after someone who was waiting on some stranger to sweep her off her feet.

the idea of confessing to her did strike my mind, but i decided to avoid it. part of me was relieved that she was stepping out of the door, maybe it was time to focus on myself.

after a few more seconds, she walked out and slammed the door behind her.

sixty seconds. that’s how long it took to completely destroy our friendship. it all happened so fast, the gravity of the situation didn’t hit me until well after she left.

the only evidence that she had been there was the smudged mascara and tear drops that she left on my t-shirt.

all i wanted was my happy ending. i wanted her to look at me with the same loving look that i gave her. i wanted her to see me as something other than her pillow to dirty up and cry on. i wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by her.

i wanted her. i loved her.

i think she knew that deep down, she was just too scared to say anything.

maybe it was better this way, for both of us. people come and go, and that’s normal. that’s just the way life goes.

🌟🌟🌟🌟

i feel like this is terrible 😭

tag list: @imwetforyourmom

[mcytshipsandmore]

"And its just me myself and i" i sing, comfort zone (cut song from epic), as i sit alone in the gripearl tumblr community party... I'm the only member, and im also the creator... no one wants to have their cake and eat it with me :(

Anyway grian x pearl please i need

Theyre so exes

I made this whole au where. Idek anymore but

I think. Ok so its this high school au except

Evo is more so kindergarten, and then grian moved away at like the first years of elementary and everyone split up (grian and pearl were kindergarten sweethearts... COUGH kindergarten boyfriend from heathers)

Oh I should also. Probably mention. Scar and Pearl are bio siblings in this

In middle school (3rd life) we have the silly lil cast ofc.

Pearl changes to that school by start of high school (last life, first 2 years). We also have Lizzie as an exchange student then. Grian denies knowing Pearl per usual.. (per usual in my life series gripearl lore)

Lizzie leaves, we have the last two years (double life), drama ensues. Majormoon was actually kinda something by the end of sophomore year and start of junior year. The usual "you cheated on me so we're over!!" "What?? I didnt?? We just went to buy suits/dresses together??" Thingy ensues. All soulmates are pairs for the whole senior prom thing, and cheating on a soulmate implies going with someone else. Pearl and Martyn went dress and suit shopping together at the mall cause they wanted to look for options early and bc trying on funky stuff together was fun, but they got pictures taken by someone? And Scott and Cleo saw and thought they were getting stuff to go with eachother... Martyn again tries to win Cleo back, ends up going with Ren, cause BigB is going with Grian, and Scar and Pearl go together as family, mostly in solidarity cause they both got dumped.

then we get to college (limited life), and we have pearl making bad decisions after the whole dl fiasco. Rooms with BigB, tho not so convinced at first, but they make up for the whole prom thing (since yes Pearl's upset he went with Scar's partner??), but its okay cus Pearl and Cleo make up aswell... Scott and Pearl... kinda make up?? Anyways.

Here's where the gripearl comes in. Pearl goes out drinking and karaoke withhhh BigB, Cleo, Scar and Bdubs... they start shittalking everyone in campus cause BigB and Pearl got their lil nosy info, noses all up in other ppl's business, and the Clockers looove hearin all the drama they have to share... no one knows when exactly Etho and Cleo were a thing? Sometime between here and when they graduated and shit. And then they get to the Bad Boys (NAAATURALLY).... and Pearl, specially after discussing Scott and such, has taken a bit too many sips. And theyre like completely doing full on instagram checking business on these people, so they pull up Grian's socials and Joel's and Jimmy's where ofc he's tagged a lot. and she starts seeing him in a different way... and considers calling him.... but surely thats a bad idea. Scar is aroace in this au so him and Grian werent romantic partners, but at least best friends, at *most* qpps, still- DL, HUGE BETRAYAL, Pearl cannot do that. Moon tells the group- and they ALL agree its a terrible idea, and theyre horrified at the thought.... Scar knows they have history too from way before but- hey?? What the flippin fuck....

things happen, shenanigans ensue, and yes im aware this makes pearl a terrible sibling but- low and behold, moon ends up at suns dorm.... needless to say, next morning, pearls in the kitchen having breakfast, reconsidering life choices. Bad Boys (jim and joel) are- flabbergasted. Jimmy had a bit more of an idea of where this could come from (though its been SO LONG AGO????) but JOEL?? My man thinks the world is all upside down and messed up, he couldve sworn Pearl hated Grian's guts

Aaaand all of this was created after looping Bad Idea by Olivia Rodrigo btw. This is all I have of the au for now, I hope u liked it so far. It ends up in majormoon again btw but I LOVE the liml gripearl era and i miss gripearl, i dont talk abt it enough

imagine walking in and seeing the person your roommate says he hates is making breakfast.

-🍫

[marzcody]

All of my alterhuman kinstypes cus I'm bored :P

I will be talking. a lot. this is your warning that I will be talking.

Black wolf!!

This is by far the easiest one I have to understand (for me atleast) so it's going first. Often get more shifts about it during the winter because all the snow and stuff reminds me of the tundra!! I had a pack of like 3-4 other wolves and we lived along the border between a forest and like a planes in the tundra or something like a tundra.

Me fr!!

Black cat (fictionkin?????)

this is where things get complicated as always...I put fictionkin w/ a bunch of question marks because I'm a black cat specifically from the book series Warrior cats but I'm not like a specific character from the book, I'm my own cat but like not an oc so????? idk I'm just going w/ fictionkin for now cus it makes the most sense to me lol. anyway I spent most of my time in Riverclan but I spent a lot of time in the hay/wheat fields at the barn had hunting mice. My name was Mountainsong (clan name) or Night-bird (rogue name). I was like 20 moons? I was definitely a young warrior but idk exactly how old. I have a lot of memories attached to this kintypes like having to run across the Thunderpath or sneaking out of camp to go hunt mice at the barn. I still sometimes try to flick my tail as communication forgetting I don't have one anymore :/. Anyway if you have any idea if fictionkin is the right term or if there's some other one lmk (note: I also might have a theriotype of a cat that's different than this?? idek anymore just know that I'm a cat lol)

me in RC territory if you even care

Angelkin? Dietykin? Something along those lines

and even more complicated we go. idk a good label for this one either but I feel like those two are pretty good descriptors. I'm not divine anymore but I once was. I'm not a christian angel or even an angel from any particular religion. All I know is that I came from the stars with the purpose to bring light and joy to humanity and to also observe it (I've made many observations!!) This sounds kinda silly but my form was best described as the Angelic Warden from Creatures of Sonaria but not exactly. I stood on two legs that came down to a fine point, and had two massive wings on my back that were very heavy with two more little wings inside of those ones, a long with two on either side of my head. (man I miss those wings). I think I may have been on Earth while still divine? I know for a fact I was watching from above the clouds once but idk not gonna get into that yet lol.

Where I came from. also the best representation of my "non-physical" form.

THE MOON (conceptkin)

Kinda goes with the whole originating from the stars and space but uhm. anyway I AM the concept the like the aura around the moon. The deep night only illuminated by the full moon. that illumination creating a mysterious and beautiful light casting down the the ground through the leaves of trees? ME!!!! The haunting light a bright orange harvest moon immits?? ME!!!!! The weird pseudo-darkness the moon makes during a solar eclipse? MEEE!!! The moon shining brightly through the clouds giving light to the animal below and beauty for human to admire? MEM MEMEMEM!!!!!

MEEEEE!!!! ME ME ME!!!!

ANYWAY thanks for reading!!!! if you have any kintypes you wanna share PLEASE do I LOVE hearing about them /gen!!!!

[dixonsstinkysock]

In God’s hands.

A/N: I had this dream about Daryl being kidnapped and perceived as jesus…like being hung up on the cross and everything, very strange. He was trying to convince them he wasn’t who they thought he was—idek don’t ask. Gave me this idea, also paired with all the Ethel Cain I’ve been listening to…

“These crosses all over my body

Remind me of who I used to be

Give myself up to him in offering

Let him make a woman out of me”

This wasn’t the first time Daryl had fell asleep standing but…this hurt more. Hushed whispers—prayers could be heard in the large church. A community. Hundreds on men, women, even children were gathered on their knees. Praying, maybe even begging, for forgiveness of their sins. Not even barely coming to, a burning, throbbing sensation flowing through Daryl’s hands, arms, legs and feet. His eyes were dry, throat dryer, sweating bullets with the pounding headache from the crown of thorns piercing his head.

Daryl didn’t cry often, only for the sweetest or most dreadful moments. Glenn’s death, His marriage, the birth of his first son, the death of his first son…

All of a few tears he could muster, the burning sensation in his eyes growing. He could barely see, but he could hear. Screams of men, women, and children were haunting, reminding him of his boy’s death. How his mother wailed, how she couldn’t let go of his small body. He wasn’t small…no, he just turned seventeen. He looked small to Daryl, so tiny and frail…

Daryl could hear the women’s prayers, begging to be forgiven—begging for their children to be saved from this cruel world.

“I'm just a child, but I'm not above violence

My mama raised me better than that

When the preacher talks, that man demands his silence

And daddy said, "Shoot first, then run and don't look back"”

Daryl didn’t have the best childhood, his mother burnt her and their house to the ground when he was only five, Merle left a little after that to get away from their abusive father, Daryl could only dream he would’ve took him with him. Unfortunately, he was stuck with his drunk old man, teaching him how to sneak around, how to defend himself, how to run away. He cried for his mommy when it first started, for Merle…he didn’t understand.

The town’s pastor would visit everyone every saturday before church on sunday. He tended to spend more time at Daryl’s trailer than anyone else, he could feel the tense air when he had only knocked on the front door. A young boy with no mother, no brother, and a shady father barely coherent most days.

Everyone knew the Dixons business. Hard not to when the town has barely over 20 people. The preacher tried to help Daryl from a distance, well…more like recruit. He would tell him that God would fix everything, that he would heal the broken and lead the lost. Buncha’ bullshit is what Daryl thought. God never stopped the fists coming down on him night and day, God never stopped the leather belt from breaking the skin on his back, God never stopped his own father from almost killing him. He did, he was the one who ran away, he was the one who hid, not God.

“So take me down to the river

And bathe me clean

Put me on the back of your white horse to ride

All the way to the chapel, let you wash all over me”

It felt like hours until Daryl awoke again, now breathing easier and pain in his body subsiding briefly. The sound of horse hooves stepping against the ground were what was first heard, then a short low whistle. Some type of signal?

Everything felt soft, and warm, a contrast to the cold and hard surface he was previously on. He felt clean, not caked in dirt, mud or blood anymore. The gentle breeze blows the brunette wavy hair from his face, calming him as he unwillingly falls out of consciousness again.

“I've killed before and I'll kill again

Take the noose off, wrap it tight around my hand

They say, "Heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned"

And baby, Hell don't scare me, I've been times before”

Now clothed and fed, recovering in the small, cluttered room, he could do nothing but stare at the ceiling. Waiting…

Every now and then someone would come in to keep him company, to talk and show they meant no harm, gain a strong bond between each other. They needed it if they were all going to survive.

She was new—not new to the group but this was her first time coming to see him. Her name was (Y/N), she was strong, held herself well. You have to in this world, the dead was walking now, it was their world, all the living could do was try to make it out alive.

After their first meeting, she started to bring some of his meals, their talks lasting until after dark—or at least that’s what she said. Their hideout was underground, no windows, no easy ways in…or out. Daryl wasn’t clear to start walking again so he was stuck in this bed. All of their chats slowly melt together, not seeing the light of day seemed to have a large impact on Daryl. But, her most recent visit stuck with him, something about what she said…

“Still can’t wrap my head around what’s happened…I mean, they saw me as their sign? That after everything, their God would come save them now…” Daryl slightly adjusted the pillow behind him, sitting up and eating was about the only movement he could get nowadays.

“I ain’t no savior, I’ve killed before…that sure as hell wasn’t holy.”

“You might not be free from all sins but who is? You kill to survive, that doesn’t make you a bad man. It makes you a survivor.” She smirks “At least you aren’t afraid to be banished to the depths of hell” She says, obviously mocking the cult’s words.

He softly chucked with her, “Yeah…Hell don’t scare me, I’ve already been.”

“So take me down to the river

And bathe me clean

Put me on the back of your white horse to ride

All the way to the chapel, let you wash all over me”

“I’ll try to make this as comfortable as possible for you” (Y/N) takes Daryl’s arm into hers, gently but firmly helping him down from the white, shire horse.

“Thanks but…let’s just get this over with.”

The sun’s reflection off the lake gave him a little bit of privacy as she delicately scrubbed his old and worn body. Daryl had finally been given the clear to start walkimg again, the injuries in his feet now healed a considerable amount.

The warm water felt like heaven paired with the light scrubbing of the torn rag. Daryl looked down at her body, now noticing many deep scars littering her chest and arms.

“They uh…they got ahold of me once. The cult…same ones who got you.”

“These crosses all over my body

Remind me of who I used to be

And Christ, forgive these bones I've been hiding

Oh, and the bones I'm about to leave, yeah”

Daryl now stands at the head of their table, a map infront of him. Going over the plan again, he heard her footsteps getting closer and closer. “You should be resting.” She steps next to him, brushing the stray hair from his face and leaning against his shoulder.

“Just wanted to go over the plan again…”

“Don’t be nervous, Daryl. We’ll get you home, I promise.”

He sighs, now looking at her, her hair was pulled back, eyes and skin shone softly from the glow of the candlelight. “Come with me…”

“I wish I could, but I have people here, people I need to protect.”

“They could come with us—we have communities—we live.

“We can’t leave. Not while that cult is still roaming—ruining everything they touch. What happens if they grow stronger? Recruit more people and come after you again?” She takes a few steps away, rubbing her temples and taking a deep breath.

“We have to stop them, now—here.”

Daryl doesn’t say anymore, he just looks at her, preparing for what’s about to come tomorrow.

“And take me down to the river

And bathe me clean, yeah

Put me on the back of your white horse to ride

All the way to the chapel, let you wash all over me, yeah”

Daryl could still remember the feeling of her hands, her body against his. Her hands trailing down his back then were a different feeling from when she was only washing him. Slowly, taking the time to map out all of what he considered “imperfections”.

It felt like a lifetime since she passed trying to get him home. Daryl now sits alone by her makeshift grave, and small cross with her weapon and name. All that was left of her, that and his memories.

Ended kinda freaky but oh well

Hope you all enjoyed! Love you, c u l8ter! 🫶🏽

[call-me-chips]

Long vent warning 🙃

So if you came here for my typical carefree content, don't feel forced to read this at all :)

Ik I won't care if you do or don't, but I just need to get this to someone

I see a lot of people talking about having no friends and having bad friends, and both are really bad and I'm not trying to put down anyone's experiences, but I feel like there's a different kind of hurt when your friends just don't like you. Like, they're good people, but they just don't like you.

Like, I have this one friend (J) where, he's the closest thing I have to a best friend (aka, we see each other once a week and seem to enjoy each other's company), but I really don't think J likes me

He always has an excuse for not hanging out. Always. My sibling and I wanted to go to a comic con and invited J and his girlfriend, K. He mentioned a few weeks before that he might not be able to go because he might have to babysit a child or something. Closer to the con, J said that he, infact, wouldn't have to watch the child, which we were happy about, but then immediately he said that he "wasn't allowed" to go to this con. The reason he gave was "My dad thinks comic cons are cults." Even though J's been to several cons, one of which was in the US (We're Canadian).

And just yesterday a group I was going to had a Halloween night, and J promised he would go. We all made plans to be there, but the night of, I texted him and asked him if he was coming, to which he responded with "I'm not allowed", even though he's at the age where that shouldn't matter at all

I asked him why, and he never got back.

Everything I want to do, everything we try to plan, he's got a reason to not go.

He says he likes me and likes hanging out with me, but I don't believe it. Every excuse he uses is bullshit.

And it really sucks because I truly thought he'd be a friend that sticks around. Every friend I've ever had has left the moment I got too close.

And it's not like I can easily make friends, as I've never gone to school and I'm not in college

My parents keep scolding me about how I have no friends and that "God designed people to need other people" and that I "can't live life alone", but I don't know how the fuck they just expect me to summon new ones.

I've exhausted all groups I'm in of potential friends. And it's not like I don't try to make friends. I've been rejected dozens of times

But I know I'm just about ready to stop reaching out to J. I'll just stop asking if he wants to do anything and see if he initiates anything. When he doesn't, at least I'll know for sure that he doesn't really like me xD

Slightly different topic, but I really feel like I can't ever open up to anyone (which is why I rant to strangers on the internet). Literally everyone I've opened up to has either left me or betrayed me with it

I shared my struggles with a licensed therapist, and she made me feel like my feelings were nothing. She told me it was a phase and refused to hear any more

I shared one of my phobias in a trusted friend group chat, and one of the dudes (W) sent me a gif of it, have me the worst panic attack I've ever had, and then W called me sensitive when I complained about what he did (I was crying non stop for 30 mins, couldn't calm down completely for the next couple days, and got triggered my a simple household item that has NEVER triggered me before. I mean like, I saw this simple thing, froze in place, started hyperventilating, and nearly had another panic attack)

And there are a few other examples, but the worst one is when I opened up to my best friend at the time (N). I opened up, shared my story, cried in front of her. She left me the following week. N suddenly started talking to her other friend more and I could barely get a moment alone with her anymore. We barely talk now

I'm just tired of people. Tired of trying. Idek what I'm supposed to do at this point. I only rant to strangers cuz it's a lot less painful if someone online unfollows you than if a friend leaves you

Anyway I think that's enough for right now, I got pretty carried away 😅

If you read all this, here's a cookie :3 🍪

[brambeag]

hey! i l love your art so so much, i honestly want to eat it :') i get so excited to see you post. i was just wondering if you use a pen tablet or a display tablet? or if you could recommend any specific tools? i'd like to try out digital art but i'm not really sure where to start

thank you!! <3

awwwch thank u thats so nice!!!! 🥺🥺 honestly my setup is outdated so im probably not the best person to ask but i use clip studio version 1 and a wacom bamboo CTL470! which idek if you can even get anymore 💀both are as basic as they come but they suit me fineeee the bamboo is a pen tablet which i think would need some getting used to but imo for the price of display tablets/ipads the learning curve for pen tablet is fine + clip studio has sales one for perpetual licenses on pc all the time so😌

[eff-plays]

Its fucking nuts how Veilguard has effectively made the fandom divide so much worse than before,especially wrt Taash's portrayal.That it's bad enough to cause some enbies and transgender folks to go anti woke really hammers that in. Hope to hell things calm down at some point,but this IS the DA fandom so that's probably a naive hope. Still,I hope you're doing well despite all the chaos!❣️

Hey, thanks! 💖 And sorry for the late reply, things have been HECK-tic IRL to say the least.

I haven't seen anybody go anti-woke personally, but I'm not really online enough anymore to keep up with it, so I won't say it hasn't happened. (Also "woke" is such a vague yet charged term nowadays so idek.) For me personally, it has been disheartening to see grifters turn the shit-ass portrayal and bad writing into "see? go woke go broke!" and in response to that people are convinced Taash is so revolutionary and great actually, because they feel like any attack on the writing is an attack on their identity. Which is, like, true in many cases! So I try to still keep some level of empathy for those who feel hurt by the reactions to Taash, I just can't personally overlook my own issues with the character and the way some people have dismissed fair and nuanced criticisms by lumping in every critic with the creeps and chuds feels very gross.

But you end up with this maddening loop of "Taash annoys me and they're nonbinary, so the problem must be that they're nonbinary and not the bad writing" > "People are hating Taash for being nonbinary, which means the writing is irrelevant, and them being nonbinary is good and thus the writing must also be good". Like. Both of you have good reasons to dislike Taash and to dislike the reactions to Taash, but the conclusions you draw are insane.

You have chuds going "writing bad because woke!" and Tumblrinas going "writing good because woke!" when in reality both are giving "wokeness", whatever that means, too much emphasis. If you try to bake bread and burn it, the flour you put in the bread will neither save it from being burnt, nor is it the reason it burned. The bread is burnt because you burnt it. Because you fucked up.

If Trick Weekes had some very heated personal opinions on, idk, the best most succulent flavor of caviar, their writing a fantasy caviar hunter would still suck ass. Because they can't write good, not because their opinions on caviar are right or wrong. It just happened that this story came out in a political climate that makes everyone flip their shit if something is even slightly complicated to discuss and critique.

[windtraces]

i got mentally ill. heehoo. can't tag shit

so glad that i only wear sports bras. i bind usually and actually need to get a new one bc my old backup is too beat up and i hate the other. but bras are scary. my cup size? idk dd last i checked which was coincidentally before i came out as trans

my family is cool. kind of family where we don't talk about things but it suits me. i'm genuinely glad that the time dad asked "what are you even so fucking depressed that you cut yourself about?" and i said "I WAS RAPED!!!!" he hasn't said anything else about that. maybe he forgot. i don't want to talk about that

i mean i do kind of. but i can't. i can't even talk about the things i remember, let alone the things i forget, and it's easier and more fun to visit and hang out and do my laundry and play video games parallel play style with dad. i can try to talk about it somewhere else. here for example. i can't bring that back up to dad and stepmom when they have enough going on with cancer and chronic illness and i'm pretty much fine.

they are so fucking delicate with me and i appreciate it. i really do. because i can't take things the way i used to and the time dad got mad at me because i was a pussy about visiting grandma before she died. i get why he was mad, he has his own stuff, but i can't take him being mad. i get scared when he gets mad at the dogs and i think he notices too and i think he feels guilty which just makes it worse. he's trying so hard to be better. he is better. but i still just get scared

and he really wasn't that violent either, he only got physical a few times. and one time it was his fault entirely, i got home from work and he wanted to talk about something upsetting to both of us and i was tired after school and work and wanted to go to bed. but sometimes it was me too. i shouldn't have been drinking. he knows it's a slippery slope. he shouldn't have done what he did but i shouldn't have been drinking and even though he was wrong sometimes he wasn't completely wrong. me waking up while taking venlafaxine i may as well have been drunk anyways. it was bad. i mean dgmw, he fucked up, i still consider him an abuser, but he isn't abusive now, he's changed. he offered me a beer last month. he let me stay with him, he doesn't tell me to shut the fuck up when i ramble about things i like. he's better now and i am too. i'm not a teenager anymore i can regulate, and i help him with stuff and also his parents (my grandparents). i'm not useless.

even if i'm useless he still cares now that he learned how to care and how easy it is to break a kid. he recognizes when i get overwhelmed and helps by keeping things away from me. he loves me. he encourages things i like. he's better. he doesn't tell me to shut up. he explains things he likes too, and i like it, even if we don't do the same things we can talk.

i straight up forgot why i was originally rambling. i just want to transition. i wish i had the money, and i could probably ask for help but they've already helped me so much and i'm 25 so i should be able to do this. but

idek how it would go. they (dad and stepmom) already know that i pretty much only wear mens' clothes. i think it's best if i wait until mocky and pocky die. pocky would he really upset if he noticed. but he might not. idk. i'm so sick of waiting and so sick of being poor. i want testosterone i want top surgery. i think they'd be fine with it, as long as i didn't scare pocky and mocky, which i already bind all the time anyways and i think mocky knows but it just isn't talked about. grammy knows bc mom told her. that also isn't talked about

we don't talk about fucking anything and i'm too stupidly shy to talk about it. everyone probably thinks it was a phase

stepmom probably doesn't she got me a haircut. and mocky said i look better with short hair. but i'm scared. i don't want anyone to hate me and i don't want to cause stress. i want to go pull weeds once a week and organize closets and help mocky get groceries and carry and sort everything and everything i can to help them. and i want to help dad and stepmom too, i help how i can when i go. i want dad to keep teaching me about home repair stuff he learned. i don't want to lose them, i need them, and i don't want them to be mad even though they already know but they might get mad if it gets too real. i want to be fionn. i don't want to be lauren, i want stubble and a deep voice and a flat chest and to be called fionn, not lauren, and i barely take care of lauren but i like to think i'd take better care of fionn but i can't be fionn. FUCK

[dracrownian]

Not doing my worst (yet)

For the ship meme, girls edition™

SonoRan and/or Masumi/Momiji (do they have a ship name? Idk)

You get both because they're fun to talk about. (ship ask game here)

This got long and rambly.

SonoRan

What made you ship it?

This is a fairly recent addition to my ship list tbh, and it isn't my favorite Ran ship (that would be Masumi/Ran, and I even prefer KazuRan/Ranzuha over SonoRan), but it started when I recently reread most of the manga. Specifically, I was thinking about how Sonoko wrote the school play for the Desperate Revival arc and how she was planning to play the knight role and it got me thinking how Sonoko might have a bit of a crush on her. And Ran deserves better than what she gets romantically in canon, why not date her other best friend? The one who's actually around and (mostly) has her best interests at heart. They're cute.

I do remember vaguely thinking they'd be a cute couple when I first watched Jolly Roger, but that was over a decade ago and I don't remember much of it anymore.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

Sonoko adores Ran, Ran adores Sonoko. They're so sweet. I don't really have much to say about it that I didn't say previously, and I don't actively seek out SonoRan content, but it's cute.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I genuinely wouldn't even know what's popular/unpopular.

Masumi/Momiji

(Masumo? Masuji? Mosumi? idek do they have a ship name?)

What made you ship it?

All of the teen girls are kind of insanely shippable with each other. I'm not sure how that happened, but thanks Gosho. Appreciate it. (I guess the only combos I can think of that I don't feel anything for would be Momiji/Ran and Masumi/Kazuha, but I can always be convinced.)

But that's not really an answer, is it?

I've come to adore Momiji tbh. Not sure how that happened, but I like her. I think it started because I feel bad for her. She's incredibly obnoxious about Heiji, but I think it's because 1) she needs actual friends; and 2) Heiji is a safe crush to have because he's completely unavailable to her.

So. Comphet Momiji. Especially since she comes from a rich family, I think there are certain expectations for her, so she's decided she must get a boyfriend.

And then you have Masumi, who is so gay it hurts. She doesn't even try to hide it. She will openly stare at Momiji's chest. And while it made me extremely uncomfortable (thanks Gosho), it didn't seem to bother Momiji.

IDK. It started as a joke, but I do actually think they'd work as a couple.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

The jokes I can make about the Akai family's attraction to blondes-

I think Masumi would be good at helping Momiji fit in with the other girls, because Masumi's already the least normal girl in the group, but she has managed to carve out her own place. And I think Masumi deserves to be spoiled, and Momiji would be happy to spoil her.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

No idea. This is another one that I don't seek out but just think it's cute. I suspect there aren't many Masumi/Momiji shippers anyway, since most people seem to hate Momiji. So maybe the unpopular opinion is just that I ship them in general and that I don't hate Momiji.

[mothiepixie]

Hello you amazing person you, I hope you’re well! 🤗

SO I’m like, inspired by your comic stuff right? But I’m so awful at getting the format right or how to practice it when it comes to the composition. Always wanted to do it but I stray away cause of my inexperience. (Yet I get TikTok’s right? Idek anymore)

👉👈 would you happen to have some advice or tips for a gremlin like me? 🥺

The only way that you will be able to progress is by doing it regardless of your inexperience!!! You cannot be afraid because of invisible expectations you place on yourself or by others!

I feel I only recently gotten better at my comic formatting and it took a lot of trial and error to find what I like and what works for me. And even so, I'm not a professional or organized about it half of the time.

I see sequences that I want to portray and go from there. But always just do rough, and i mean ROUGH, drafts to find your layout and flow. I generally do 2000px to 5000px(or more).

But some websites require just a fraction of that size. But that is what just works for me. But Always try to leave space for the speech bubbles as that is PART of the art as well.

Some people do scripts and thumbnails prior. I generally have a rough idea of what's being said and just focus on what the composition is and then at the end I finalize the speech. Everyone does things differently.

My best advice is to study your favorite comics and mangas to see how they do their formating. I HIGHLY recommend looking at Lackadaisy as it has one of the best panel formating, story flow as well as being very artistic about it.

And remember each panel is telling a sequence of the story. It's not a play by play of their movements like key frames in animation. (Unless something requires that for the sake of the story telling)

Backgrounds are NOT necessary for each single panel!! Neither is color! Everything is optional.

I'm still learning myself but that's what's fun about it. But seriously, you just have to go for it and be unafraid. Be absolutely expectations free of yourself and just be unashamed.

Love what you do and not what you think should do.