#idek anymore I'm just trying my best

[pine-tree-system]

I think for the sake of system communication and recovery, I'm gonna say I'm endo/genic.

Now now, hear me out-

Denial sucks ass and it's hard to beat. Especially without a therapist and/or a diagnosis. Hell, even with one, it's a tough beast to grapple with. And when I do grapple with it, when I try to fight it, it fights back even harder and I always go back to square one.

But well, if I might it half way... Maybe I can do better. Maybe it's easier to talk with my parts now.

Cause I know I have trauma. I know I have dissociated parts. I know I have sucky memory. And I know that putting it altogether looks a hell of a lot like CDD. But that doesn't make it easy to say that I have it. I know it exists and if this were someone else, I would've said "yeah, that could be a CDD. You oughta see a specialist!"

But the moment it becomes Me + CDD, right in the same sentence without any arguments... Suddenly, I want nothing to do with any of my parts. Or my trauma. Or my amnesia. I cannot have a CDD. I just can't. Don't tell me otherwise because the denial just can't allow it. It does not want recovery.

But maybe, just maybe, if I say I'm endo, maybe it'll make it easier. It's easier to say I'm endo with trauma (what an oxymoron lol) than I have a CDD. And because it's easier, it'll also be easier to talk with my parts. It'll be easier to journal too. And deal with trauma. Recovery will be easier.

Maybe. Just a little experiment. Feel free to politely argue otherwise. I know endos can be a trigger for some folks and I'm no stranger to going into fight mode due to triggers. I just don't wanna fight with you, person with good intentions.

Edit:

I'm gonna make it clear tho. I'm calling MYSELF endo. Whatever you are, that's your business. You know yourself. I'm not gonna say you're endo because your trauma doesn't look like trauma. That's rude as fucking hell, at the very least.

And also, it's actually less of saying I'm endo and just... Pretending I'm endo. Like, pretending I'm mixed origins despite contradictory evidence. Just so I can get from point A to point B. It's easier than trying to bash my denial away and yelling at it how I actually have a CDD. It doesn't wanna play like that. It wants to be a fucking idiot and say "oh sure. You have the symptoms and the common experiences and our recovery was pretty good when we acknowledged our systemhood. But you're not a system. You're a dramatic, sensitive, ableist, faking attention-whore. :)"

Like, thanks, denial. :/

But I'll spoon-feed my denial some good ol' endo-mixed origins BS, just in case it'll allow other alters to talk. So I can just... Communicate, check in with everyone, allow all my parts to talk. Allow every piece of myself to have a voice. Even if it really turns out that I don't have a CDD, I at least allowed the entirety of myself to have a voice and I'll treat myself better. Better than repression.

[iceicewifey]

kinda wish shay (and gigi) had more connections with characters that weren't just my own ocs or canon characters

[silverselfshippingchaos]

ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

[ame-to-ame]

there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them

[lizziesribbons]

So badly |

PAIRING: RICH STEPMOM! WANDA X FEM! READER

summary: Wanda is your dad's new wife and an incredibly talented business woman, you always liked her but you felt as if she didn't feel the same way about you, she was always cold with you truth be told you were too innocent to know what the real intentions behind the coldness was.

warnings: ****MINORS DNI***** *****MEN DNI***** ****CONTAINS SMUT LOTS OF SMUT****** degradation kink, hair pulling, praising, angst if you squint, mommy kink, r being head over heels in love with Wanda, Wanda being mean too mean but hot. SO HOT. squirting muahahaha, multiple orgasms, crazy crazy gay peOple, everyone's gay y'all are gay, gay gay gay. I need to drown in holy water cuz um yea.

author's note: I changed EVERYTHING CHANGED I don't know if y'all even know who I am but like anyways idek if this is gonna be a thing I just got an idea and I wrote it in my notes and now I'm posting here ‼️

Word count: 2.1k

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wanda maximoff.

She was an intimidating woman. even her name is hot? When your dad first introduced her you immediately fell in love whenever she was around you were always squirming in her gaze, she was just too pretty too perfect. Too good for your dad. Your dad wasn't the best man in the world he was alright, he was always working always travelling he didn't have time for you or anything else that's why you were shocked when he brought her. Wanda.

Wanda was a business woman too. A successful one indeed, She had 2 twins Tommy and billy, who you instantly grew to love, you wondered how Wanda handled all of it, A husband, A business and still making enough time for her kids, she was like a super mom there was no single doubt her kids loved her. And she loved them.

Your dad was barely home so it was always just you Wanda and the twins, you never felt like Wanda liked you whenever you would try talking to her she would give you cold responses, always looking into your soul like she was angry at you. She would constantly taunt you whenever you would go outside with your friends and come home too late, or when you wore something a little too revealing. Some would say she was possessive you just thought of it as her being her grumpy self

but what you didn't know, Wanda wanted you. Every second of every day she thought about you but she knew it was wrong. so she would put up this act to hide her secret. her dirty little secret, no one except Wanda knew what kind of thoughts ran through her mind, what she did at night thinking about you when her husband was asleep beside her.

she thinks about how her fingers would feel inside you, making you scream her name, whispering all kinds of dirty things in your sweet little ears

how good it would feel to fuck you with her strap until you couldn't take it anymore, she often gets off thinking about you but you weren't aware of any of it. She sometimes thought you knew cause of how you would bend over in front of her wearing the most smallest skirts possible but she knew you were just as innocent as you look, she also knew about the crush you have on her, it was too obvious with how you would look inside her shirt every time she bent down to pick something, how quickly you would respond every time she calls for you, how flustered you would get when she's around. she wasn't blind she could see right through you.

You were always home nowadays as your college was off and your friends were either on vacation with their family or they just didn't have time. Wanda had a business event today on which she asked you to come with her as the twins were at their dad's and you would be home alone, she even picked up an outfit for you, it was a cute black dress simple and elegant not too small just how Wanda liked. She was so sweet with you today. too sweet. even offered to make your hair and do your makeup and you let her. cuz how could you deny it? you let her dress you up like you were her personal doll she gave you a kiss on the cheek that made you blush so hard Wanda immediately noticed and smirked.

the car ride from the house to where the event was being held was filled with tension. Wanda's eyes were constantly on you eating you up she noticed the way you clenched your thighs under her gaze and how you shied away every time you two would make eye contact, when you reached the destination, Wanda opened the door for you holding out her hand to you. Your fingers intertwined with hers following her between the crowd of people.

You insisted on staying behind as she went on the red carpet. admiring her you noticed how beautiful Wanda really is, she is hand-crafted by the gods you wondered how it would feel to touch her. every inch of her body you wanted to kiss her so bad the urge to do it was strong. Wanda noticed, Ofc she noticed she smirked knowing your gaze was on her and all her attention too, you looked at her coming back to you as you straightened your back and smiled at her, she held you by your waist and told you "I want you to meet some people malaysh" the nickname made you weak. you just wanted to fall on your knees and beg Wanda but you couldn't.

After meeting those people Wanda left you alone to go and sort some business deal you didn't care about. Wanda saw you laughing and chatting with some people she thought it was nice you were getting along well, until. she saw this girl put her hand on your thigh and getting too touchy. Wanda felt something burst inside her she interrupted the conversation she was having came behind you and pulled you back from your waist making you push yourself into her crotch.

Wanda looked at the girl and raised her eyebrows, the girl was out of there in a second. It was hot. so hot the power Wanda holds, you were about to ask what that was when suddenly you felt her fingers hold your ass tightly as she whispered in your ear "Stop flirting with every person you see just to get my attention" Your legs failed you as you moan slowly in wanda's grasp, her hold was bruising on you as she whispered again "don't be a whore now, go wait in the car I'll be there in a bit"

as you were waiting for her impatiently in the car and afraid of what to expect next, you heard the car door open and Wanda got in, you didn't say anything. not even a word. her too. the car ride was silent. so silent you could even hear your heartbeat and it was fast. you were sure Wanda heard it

after getting home Wanda softly told you to go and wait in her bedroom like a good girl and you did. not cuz you were a patient woman no no no you were the most impatient girl in the world according to Wanda but you just wanted to make her happy.

after a bit she came in. You saw a bulge inside her pants. looking up at her, sitting on the bed on all your fours she came up to you and held your jaw softly

"you look so good like that, on mommy's bed like a good little slut" Wanda wouldn't be at fault if she thought you came right there, and then because of the moan you let out on the nickname Wanda referred to herself as. but she shrugged it off only smirking at the sight

"strip. slowly." you start striping taking off your dress first, Wanda's eyes on you as she starts undressing herself too making you gasp at the sight of her.

"you're so beautiful," you said as you worshipped her body just by your eyes, giving herself a moment or two to smile and blush at your compliment, she said sternly "Less talking, let's put that mouth to better use yeah?"

she took off her pants and underwear revealing a scarlet strap attached to her as you look at it and drool "Open up show mommy how good of a slut you can be" she said as you open your mouth tongue out, she guide the strap inside your mouth not even half of it and you were already gagging, it was bigger than anything you've taken before but Wanda didn't care, your gags and whimper were music to her ears.

losing herself in the pleasure she started thrusting inside your mouth as you sat there drooling, she threw a sadistic smile your way and said "I think we just found the perfect way to keep your mouth shut"

Wanda pulls out suddenly, your face covered in sweat and tears, and lays down on the bed

"come here ride my strap," she said patting her lap, gasping for air your breath shaky from the previous encounter you said

"y yes mommy"

slowly, you lower yourself onto her strap, your eyes locked with hers as you whispered "It's too big"

Wanda pouted her lips with fake pity "Aw is it?" you nodded as she looked at you "Is it too big for my little whore huh?" you nodded again not breaking eye contact

"fucking say it then. you can speak" Wanda said sternly placing a sharp slap on your ass, just as you were about to say Wanda force your hips down onto her strap "Too late" You bit your lip feeling her strap penetrate deeper into your wet slit

"Mommy hurts please ah" moans and gasps. it was all you could let out as Wanda ignored all of it and thrust your hips up and down on her strap, tits bouncing with the force.

your body trembling as you take her deeper inside you, suddenly you feel a sharp slap against your tits just as a humiliating spit was delivered on your face, spit drips from your mouth onto your chest as she slaps your tits repeatedly

"Mommy too much-gonna cum please" you plead at her "Come for mommy honey let it out" You came just as soon as those words left her mouth, she didn't stop. turning you guys around so she was on top she started thrusting with all her might as the bed started moving

"you know how badly mommy wanted to fuck that pussy from the very first time she saw you huh?" she whispered in your ear making you moan as she kept thursting "How I touched myself at the thought of being inside you fucking you so deep your legs wouldn't work for weeks? it was a torture not being able to fuck you every moment I saw you I just wanted to bend you over and take you" The dirty confessions only added fuel to the fire as you were already close

"please Mommy" you said weakly as she thoroughly fucked you, the room filling with noises of skin slapping together, "Please what? say it, baby"

"please I'm gonna cum again" you say looking up at her, "cum again for me then you don't need my permission"

just as you were about to cum she reaches down to rub your clit "NO PLEASE NO!" was the last thing you said when you lost control completely and squirted everywhere, not knowing what happened you looked at Wanda who was smirking smugly as she pulled out of you slowly and took off the strap throwing it down the bed

"Mommy I've never done that I'm sorry I don't know what happened" Wanda looked you down with admiration as she cooed cupping your face "Oh baby no that's okay you did good it was so good" she softly kissed you, leaving small kisses down your neck to your stomach until she reached between your legs

"no too much, can't." you tried squirming away but her strong hands held you in place "Just trust me" She raised her eyebrows and scanned your face for any hesitations as she dived down and carefully cleaned you up making sure not to overstimulate you

she sat back up "You taste so good", blushing at her compliment you muttered a "thank you"

"so adorable" Taking you in her arms and holding you against her she whispered sweet nothings into your ear through the whole time until you fell asleep in her arms, she looked at you knowing you were hers now. for forever.

[myceliacrochet]

I feel so overwhelmed. I have no income, no stable place to live, and hundreds of people coming to me who need thousands of dollars each to avoid getting incinerated, starved, tortured. I make crochet -- when I can get supplies -- and I'm trying to make stickers, when I can get supplies... I'm not very employable and everything is so expensive and it's all falling on my roommate.

I need to hold a fundraising event

Everyone is either stretched to their limits helping or can't be bothered

I'm doing my best to reblog, follow, and react every single campaign I can that is either vetted or has a clean RIS. I'm telling myself that I'm doing enough by contributing art and promoting these campaigns, but the reality is people need money and I'm giving them condolences and things that may not help much.

I had a bit of success promoting Omar's campaign and foolishly believed I could get those kinds of results again. Tumblr staff is being beyond ruthless, attacking even the critical and dangerous vetting work people are risking their lives for on the ground.

I don't know what to tell people who are coming to me for help in what may be their last moments and I'm like "hey here have a shitty art I made that might make a miniscule difference but probably won't. All the best!" I try to respond through my actions instead of words because like Kurt Vonnegut said there's fucking nothing to say about genocide because no one's meant to say anything they're just meant to get blown up. So then I'm ignoring the people who most need help in the world, coldly turning away. So I say sorry and offer these small useless things as if it means anything and every day I lose more sanity and meaning in my life because doing less than what I can to help people not get genocided takes all the color out of my world. I can't imagine truly relaxing or enjoying anything until there's no genocide happening anymore, and I don't see that happening. I feel hopeless like I did in 2016 but this time there's no back door out.

Every time I start to work on something I feel hopeless like it won't work

I have to get my ass into gear, which means I need to:

- pick up my prescription for strattera, I guess I have that now. That will help me focus

- get back on my antidepressants as soon as Fatima's campaign hits $10,000. That will help me keep moving

- talk to other organizers so we can work together.

I am drowning, I am burning in this hxll created by my own culture. Every day they torture the children and the adults come into my DMs and scream help us please please someone help us.

All I can do is do my best every day. I'll keep moving forward

Doing something is better than doing nothing, gxddammit, which means I'm doing a good job I guess, it's just little comfort as I watch the children get engulfed in flames.

Like, I know I can't end all genocide on my own but there's got to be more effective things that I personally can do.

I guess I'll check out one of those lists of things you can do other than donating money

If anyone has yarn to donate and/or could cover shipping or help me find free yarn in my area, that would be so helpful. Because there's nothing I'd rather do than tune out and crochet most of the time and sell it for myself and others.

Please talk to me about how we can work together to help these precious people!!! I need to do more

@monstermashpotato @sylvianritual @gazavetters @determinate-negation @dlxxv-vetted-donations

@gaza-evacuation-funds @gazagfmboost @fly-sky-high-09 @90-ghost @nabulsi @halalchampagnesocialist @huzni @hussyknee @notallmensheviks @neechees @fuckyeahmarxismleninism @fayruz0-blog @gothhabiba @radicalgraff @marxism-transgenderism @marxist-lesbianism @voyagerprobe @workersolidarity @cheezbot @gayspacemonk @bogleech @slitherbop @butchniqabi

I guess I just need to work on my small business... Idek if I'm even helping by reblogging all this stuff, I'm just spending hours a day spreading stuff around to other people who can't really donate. I just seem to be wasting people's time who are going through genocide, I might even be only adding to their suffering. I don't know if I have the moral fibre to do this work, idk I just seem to cause bad things to happen to myself and everyone around me by dedicating so much time to reblogs instead of just securing an income, paying my bills, and being content to give a "reasonable" portion to genocide relief. I can't do that, I have to give all or most of myself but then I'm just a burden to my roommate and others. Or going all out and doing something really big that could really bring in the money they need

I'm sick but people need me

I guess what I'm seeing here is that I need to switch gears to working on crochet more and that will help me be able to help people and it will also be better for my mental health. I'll work on getting the supplies I need to continue. But idk I'll come back to this later and figure it out.

Thank you for listening I wish I could just let my brain scream to death but like people need me to keep it together so I can actually help but I'm at a loss as to how to help

I'll do it gxddammit I'll fucking get it done I'll crochet for this and it will make a difference and I don't have to suspend happiness until this is over I have to maintain some of that light of happiness within. It's not all on me we are working together

Hey 🩷 So I wanted to let people know that I am safe now. I'm back on my most necessary meds, I've applied for SNAP and general assistance, and I'm feeling stronger after having some more success promoting campaigns.

We are living during multiple holocausts. I take comfort in doing the work. We're making a difference in people's lives.

Thank you for helping me keep my head up. Let's keep going.

[worldsanna]

i love you, i’m sorry

a/n -> idek what this is, i just wanted to write something for this song, enjoy <333

it was the rain.

i swear i was fine until i watched the droplets of water begin to pour down onto the ground.

the sickening crack of thunder accompanied the obnoxiously loud sounds of the rain, almost as though the universe was laughing at me.

as my wet t-shirt stuck to my skin, i was brought back to the one night that i wanted to forget more than anything. the night that i ruined everything.

i was holding her in my arms, consoling her after another failed attempt at a date. she had grown desperate, fearing that she would never truly find the right person for her.

but how could she think that when i was right there? i was always there.

i dropped everything and anything the second she needed me, yet it was never enough for her. usually, i would suck it up and push my feelings aside. but not that night.

“this dating thing is stupid. you’re never gonna find love if you keep trying to force it. this is getting exhausting, aren’t you tired?”

i had finally reached my breaking point, and i snapped. i snapped at the one person who i genuinely didn’t think i could live without.

it was selfish of me, and she made sure i knew it.

“you’re my best friend, you should be supporting me instead of discouraging me. just because you’ve given up on finding love doesn’t mean i should”

she was right, to a certain extent. a good friend would support her, but that was the issue. i didn’t want to just be her friend anymore.

“i’m not discouraging you, i’m just trying to point you in the right direction”

“why the hell would i even take advice from you? no offense, but your love life has been pretty non-existent lately”

she had never spoken to me that way before, but i could tell that she meant the words.

i was so wrapped up in the pain that her words brought me, that i hadn’t even realized that she was making her way towards the door.

before i could will myself to stop her, she twisted the knob and stepped out into the pouring rain. she stood there for a few seconds, waiting for me to speak up. she wanted me to fight for our friendship, but i simply couldn’t. i was tired of this same cycle, repeating itself over and over again.

she goes on a date, it goes terrible, she comes crying to me, i encourage her to get back up onto her feet, and she finds someone new. every. single. time.

i couldn’t spend the rest of my life chasing after someone who was waiting on some stranger to sweep her off her feet.

the idea of confessing to her did strike my mind, but i decided to avoid it. part of me was relieved that she was stepping out of the door, maybe it was time to focus on myself.

after a few more seconds, she walked out and slammed the door behind her.

sixty seconds. that’s how long it took to completely destroy our friendship. it all happened so fast, the gravity of the situation didn’t hit me until well after she left.

the only evidence that she had been there was the smudged mascara and tear drops that she left on my t-shirt.

all i wanted was my happy ending. i wanted her to look at me with the same loving look that i gave her. i wanted her to see me as something other than her pillow to dirty up and cry on. i wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by her.

i wanted her. i loved her.

i think she knew that deep down, she was just too scared to say anything.

maybe it was better this way, for both of us. people come and go, and that’s normal. that’s just the way life goes.

🌟🌟🌟🌟

i feel like this is terrible 😭

tag list: @imwetforyourmom

[marzcody]

All of my alterhuman kinstypes cus I'm bored :P

I will be talking. a lot. this is your warning that I will be talking.

Black wolf!!

This is by far the easiest one I have to understand (for me atleast) so it's going first. Often get more shifts about it during the winter because all the snow and stuff reminds me of the tundra!! I had a pack of like 3-4 other wolves and we lived along the border between a forest and like a planes in the tundra or something like a tundra.

Me fr!!

Black cat (fictionkin?????)

this is where things get complicated as always...I put fictionkin w/ a bunch of question marks because I'm a black cat specifically from the book series Warrior cats but I'm not like a specific character from the book, I'm my own cat but like not an oc so????? idk I'm just going w/ fictionkin for now cus it makes the most sense to me lol. anyway I spent most of my time in Riverclan but I spent a lot of time in the hay/wheat fields at the barn had hunting mice. My name was Mountainsong (clan name) or Night-bird (rogue name). I was like 20 moons? I was definitely a young warrior but idk exactly how old. I have a lot of memories attached to this kintypes like having to run across the Thunderpath or sneaking out of camp to go hunt mice at the barn. I still sometimes try to flick my tail as communication forgetting I don't have one anymore :/. Anyway if you have any idea if fictionkin is the right term or if there's some other one lmk (note: I also might have a theriotype of a cat that's different than this?? idek anymore just know that I'm a cat lol)

me in RC territory if you even care

Angelkin? Dietykin? Something along those lines

and even more complicated we go. idk a good label for this one either but I feel like those two are pretty good descriptors. I'm not divine anymore but I once was. I'm not a christian angel or even an angel from any particular religion. All I know is that I came from the stars with the purpose to bring light and joy to humanity and to also observe it (I've made many observations!!) This sounds kinda silly but my form was best described as the Angelic Warden from Creatures of Sonaria but not exactly. I stood on two legs that came down to a fine point, and had two massive wings on my back that were very heavy with two more little wings inside of those ones, a long with two on either side of my head. (man I miss those wings). I think I may have been on Earth while still divine? I know for a fact I was watching from above the clouds once but idk not gonna get into that yet lol.

Where I came from. also the best representation of my "non-physical" form.

THE MOON (conceptkin)

Kinda goes with the whole originating from the stars and space but uhm. anyway I AM the concept the like the aura around the moon. The deep night only illuminated by the full moon. that illumination creating a mysterious and beautiful light casting down the the ground through the leaves of trees? ME!!!! The haunting light a bright orange harvest moon immits?? ME!!!!! The weird pseudo-darkness the moon makes during a solar eclipse? MEEE!!! The moon shining brightly through the clouds giving light to the animal below and beauty for human to admire? MEM MEMEMEM!!!!!

MEEEEE!!!! ME ME ME!!!!

ANYWAY thanks for reading!!!! if you have any kintypes you wanna share PLEASE do I LOVE hearing about them /gen!!!!

[newestq]

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎ p1h jealous headcannon, requested

ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ lowercase intended, send in your requests

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

୨ yoon keeho, ୧

ꕥ ignores you 'cause oh boy don't know how to cope.

ꕥ you try to get his attention, but he doesn't even bat and eyelash towards you.

ꕥ he's trying to distract himself but finding anything to do in the kitchen.

ꕥ "fine, be that way. i'm going hang out with intak.

ꕥ "yeah, bet you'd rather hang out with him, huh?"

ꕥ you're both kind of shocked at what he said.

ꕥ "what's your problem?"

ꕥ "what's my problem? you've been attached to intak's hip all day!"

ꕥ "i played a video game with him and that made you jealous?"

ꕥ "i'm not jealous!"

ꕥ jiung eventually joins the conversation, and you both make fun of him as he tries to prove his point.

୨ choi taeyang, ୧ (gender specific.)

ꕥ classic "jealous? me? no."

ꕥ but oh yes he's jealous.

ꕥ he doesn't think it's fair that as a girl barista, guys should be able to order from you.

ꕥ call him toxic and he might agree.

ꕥ rolls his eyes every time a guy walks up to the counter.

ꕥ it's genuinely so bad.

ꕥ you've kind of noticed his sour mood, so on your break, you walk over to him.

ꕥ "what's up?"

ꕥ "what's up? so i'm your bro now?"

ꕥ "my what?"

ꕥ "nah, it's fine man. go with your other boyfriends."

ꕥ you find him humorous.

ꕥ "see you tonight, babe."

ꕥ "nope! you won't see me! i'm leaving you!"

ꕥ yeah, y'all watched frozen while eating chocolate covered strawberries.

ꕥ he ain't leaving you that easy lmao

୨ choi jiung, ୧

ꕥ the type to feel guilty that he feels jealous.

ꕥ he doesn't mean to, and he immediately apologizes.

ꕥ "baby, i'm sorry. i promise i'm not overprotective."

ꕥ "literally wtf are you talking about?"

ꕥ "when you laughed at taeyang's joke, i got so mad. idek why."

ꕥ "his jokes are funnier than yours."

ꕥ "you know im not sorry anymore."

ꕥ you give him more and more reasons to not feel guilty.

୨ hwang intak, ୧

ꕥ clingy.

ꕥ will literally not let you go/leave his sight.

ꕥ not even to use the bathroom.

ꕥ best believe mf is sitting on the sink, scrolling through his phone.

ꕥ "intak. i know you're not happy because that girl flirted with me, but can i please shit in peace."

ꕥ "no. what if she finds you and takes you from me."

ꕥ "intak please let me use the bathroom alone. we're at home."

ꕥ "she might've followed us. i won't look. see."

ꕥ he faces away from you and scrolls through tik tok.

ꕥ you kind of wish he'd be the type to ignore you 💀

୨ haku shota, ୧

ꕥ doesnt really get jealous.

ꕥ he trusts you, and you trust him, so thats enough.

ꕥ and he doesn't really think anyone is cool enough to catch your attention.

ꕥ i mean, what other minecraft pro do you know?

ꕥ what other awesome freestyle dancer do you know?

ꕥ who do you know that loves fries as much as you??

ꕥ exactly.

ꕥ you wish he would get jealous.

ꕥ "someone just asked me for my phone number."

ꕥ "y/n, you signed up for updates for the store. of course the cashier needed your number."

ꕥ "shota please get jealous once."

୨ kim jongseob, ୧

ꕥ wouldnt even realize he's jealous

ꕥ he'd just have this strong feeling towards you and he'd just accept it.

ꕥ like wouldnt even know whats going on.

ꕥ he's probably go to the members freaking out.

ꕥ "idk why i feel this way, like just thinking abt them hanging out with their best friend makes me upset. why!! thats their best friend, i dont have a say on who they can or cannot hang out with, but my god does it piss me off when they do."

ꕥ "seobie, that my friend is jealousy."

ꕥ "jealousy? how do you know?"

ꕥ "cause i feel it every time jiung gets center."

ꕥ "intak..."

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i wrote this at 10:18pm....

[mothiepixie]

Hello you amazing person you, I hope you’re well! 🤗

SO I’m like, inspired by your comic stuff right? But I’m so awful at getting the format right or how to practice it when it comes to the composition. Always wanted to do it but I stray away cause of my inexperience. (Yet I get TikTok’s right? Idek anymore)

👉👈 would you happen to have some advice or tips for a gremlin like me? 🥺

The only way that you will be able to progress is by doing it regardless of your inexperience!!! You cannot be afraid because of invisible expectations you place on yourself or by others!

I feel I only recently gotten better at my comic formatting and it took a lot of trial and error to find what I like and what works for me. And even so, I'm not a professional or organized about it half of the time.

I see sequences that I want to portray and go from there. But always just do rough, and i mean ROUGH, drafts to find your layout and flow. I generally do 2000px to 5000px(or more).

But some websites require just a fraction of that size. But that is what just works for me. But Always try to leave space for the speech bubbles as that is PART of the art as well.

Some people do scripts and thumbnails prior. I generally have a rough idea of what's being said and just focus on what the composition is and then at the end I finalize the speech. Everyone does things differently.

My best advice is to study your favorite comics and mangas to see how they do their formating. I HIGHLY recommend looking at Lackadaisy as it has one of the best panel formating, story flow as well as being very artistic about it.

And remember each panel is telling a sequence of the story. It's not a play by play of their movements like key frames in animation. (Unless something requires that for the sake of the story telling)

Backgrounds are NOT necessary for each single panel!! Neither is color! Everything is optional.

I'm still learning myself but that's what's fun about it. But seriously, you just have to go for it and be unafraid. Be absolutely expectations free of yourself and just be unashamed.

Love what you do and not what you think should do.

[rin-and-jade]

Okay, so we've tried several times to write an ask, and each time we just..stop ?? So this time instead of explaining in detail n shit and saying how much we're sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, I'm just gonna write :/

So, we're kind of stuck, in the sense that idk if I'm/we're(both pronouns feel wrong lol) a system anymore and,wdk what to do about it.

Because basically 5-6 years ago, when we were around 10(i think, but at this point i only know the story through the "telephone" of our retellings) our brain tried to just.. get rid of most of the DID. I'm not even ducking kidding, i think it tried to lower barriers and smush most of us together, to the best of it's ability. From what I've gathered, it planned on shoving all our trauma deep down in the innerworlds, and hiding them from the main kid. Like, getting rid of thousands of fragments, banking them in little crevices of our brain etc.

That procedure was supposed to make it so the main kid could have more of their life for them- without access or even knowledge of the sheer size of the abyss and pain in background, and thus being less affected by it till they were old enough to deal with it. Idk how to explain really, especially since i myself barely understand.

In any case, it went wrong. I don't know why much, as our memory has increasingly deteriorated since to the point i have nearly no knowledge left. I'm not sure even all that ever happened, because maybe I'm just inventing stuff and creating a story were there is none, and I'm scared that what i know isn't real and just my imagination or smth

And what's left is..me i guess. I kinda feel like a fragment in the sense that i have limited consciousness and just..person-space(if that makes sense ?) I'm not sure if I'm several people, one person, an eldritch entity of kinda seperate kinda not glued together entities.

Idek what i want to be. I want to be a full person, that's for sure, but other than that ? Idk. I'm lost, I'm a mix of tons of different opinions and vague, weak, feelings, and flashes of blurry memories and desires that don't belong to me.

So.. i know you probably can't help, but do you have.. any idea on what I could do ? Or if others have been in similar situations and if it got better ?

This is a very long ask x knows, and it's desperate, and you aren't our/my psychs so I shouldn't just dump this and hope you have answers, and I'm so sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, but yeah.

I'm sorry.

Dissociative disorders do the job, but not perfectly, what you're explaining from the words of "nearly no knowledge left" sounds like retrograde amnesia, where it is near to impossible to remember anything from the past.

I also get a bit on what you mean with not knowing who you are,, that is usually close to a blurry moment? Because everything feels jumbled, its not clear, it is hard to discern wether there's multiple or not, etc. That could sound like it;

Have you been exposed to stress? Especially long term? Has anything awful been happening? Many factors can affect memory and recognizing who you are that can stem from basic needs that are neglected like sleep or rest if you're working for long periods, or deficiencies on vitamins/minerals/nutrition because they also play a part on fending off brain fog which can cause many issues like memory recall or trouble focusing,, or it can be to even deeper issues like stress as i said before, or if it is related to trauma, or any sustained physical injuries but it could be anything really.

Im guessing this is something that didn't happen in such a short time, but i do can give you some stuffs to do for starters:

Write down everything you can notice those feelings, those lingering sense of identity, or vibes, or thoughts, they are truly jumbled and it helps you organize and recognize your situation better if you have a physical record of what you're experiencing

Find the cause of problem If you can, try digging up anything you can find that could be the culprit, maybe before things get too foggy to remember that could serve as clues, and by checking with your current health (physically and mentally and emotionally) and see what could be fixed.

For sense of fulfillment It is overwhelming to know which or where you have to start from if you want to learn more of yourself, while you can do number 1 to jot down things you don't align with, this also gives you some ideas on what could be yours. Start somewhere small, like, how you like your daily morning, or preference in eating food, or the colors you think it looks cool.

It would also be great if you can leave out the tiniest bit of context next time, so my answers for now are rather vague and less pinpointed/specific. Though atleast still can suffice as a starting point to tackle your issues.

You can contact me anytime via ask box or DMs, let's see how things go for you okay?

- j

[shakingparadigm]

god idk what to do w myself anymore idek if i want to yell at u for spilling your blood and heart out to this series and making me relapse as i try to move on (this is a joke pls keep going u are soso wonderful for this and no i will never move on actually all i will do is probably cope to the best way i can and u know what my coping mechanism is? write about if. horribly. ardently.)

i acrually been meaning to send this bc i rlly rlly find u cool + idk if im assuming correctly but are you also filipino :0? regardless, i just wanna let u know that i truly admire u and would love to be friends w u and also grieve together bc i cannot handle this alone at all (the alnst community is both a source of comfort and chaos and i love it so dearly from the depths of my soul)

anygays thats all and i hope ur having a wonderful day/night once again ty for feeding into our delusions and collectively give each other the pat on the back for the hardships that we face from this beautiful series

Hey??!!!! Ahh thank you?!!! Oh my god I'd love to be friends. Yes! Let's grieve together! Also I'd love to read your writing! 👀

Seriously though, thank you. It means a lot to me that you care about my blog enough to send this ask.... I'm always happy to share and talk! (It just takes me a while to get to asks sometimes ;; I'm sorry) Let's all skip and dance to our doom together....

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey it’s election anon and I know I was super vague in my last update but I’m going to try to put my thoughts into words

I think I’m still in shock honestly, i honestly can’t fathom the fact that he is going to president again my brain just hasn’t registered that fact and I don’t think it will until his inauguration or his first “ruling”

I just know that the next 4 years are going to be hell because I’m a stupid fucking minor and there is no way that my family is moving because my entire life is here is the fucking us

Now I just feel silly because how on earth did I convince myself that that don’t hate is as much as they do. I really miss that feeling but now it’s just gone

the worst part is is that I can’t talk to anyone about this because I can’t risk anyone finding out so I’m not outed

I know that queer people have been doing this for hundreds of years but how they did without going to insane is beyond my comprehension

I’m trying my best to be positive and the fact that he can’t run again is helping a bit but idek anymore there’s nothing I can do and I just feel so hopeless

I’m sorry for pointing out all the negatives when you’re also a queer person who is probably also looking for hope but I just need to express my feelings somehow

I feel like I’m just saying the same things over and over but I have never felt so powerless before it’s very unnerving and I wish this feeling upon no one

idk if this makes you feel better but if it does I’m not going to kill myself or anything because I know some people do that in this situation and I’m not but I just feel so childish and I hate it

Hi hon <3

Please don't be sorry, you have a right to be upset. It's very frustrating and sad. You're welcome to vent here anytime.

Also I know you said you don't have people to talk to but please remember I'm here. I know it's not the same as someone IRL but please know you're not alone <3

[bohnsky]

two and a half months into liking f1, here are my favorites:

1. Alex Albon

I think this is obvious. I just love Alex too much. Sadly this weekend wasn't great for Williams and it stressed me so much that Valtteri was on a mission to snatch P11 from my boy, but Albono's defending is so good, still sadly no points😭😭

2. Sergio Perez

This was a very hard decision, but I thought it's true for me right now and I can still change it back later so now Checo is on second for now.

I'm so obsessed with this man, I even wrote a Chestappen fic. It rarely happens that I'm so inspired that I actually put my ideas on paper.

FP1 made me want to cry and the German commentator couldn't stop hating (it wasn't really hating, just stating facts with a negative untertone, but it annoyed me) and I'm really starting to dislike Ralf Schumacher, he's always acting like he's so much better than every other driver lol (easy to say those things when you're not driving anymore, yes I'm looking at both of you, Ralf and Nico). But honestly I'm exaggerating, they're not that bad.

Also all the memes about Checo's crash. I was desperatly looking for posts that empathize with him and only found memes😭

(if I wasn't this deep, I would find them funny lol)

The race today was great tho. I would've loved to see him get P2 and I believe it would've been possibly, but I don't know anything so whatever. And I'm super happy for Lando and podium is podium. And driver of the day is well deserved. Checo knows how to gain positions. Now he just needs to start performing in Quali again :D

3. Charles Leclerc

Not the best weekend for Ferrari. The race today was a mess for them. Charles' first pit stop made me want to cry. It did seem like the team was trying to fuck Charles specificly over, with the water problem and that pit stop. I just want to see Ferrari back in the front.😭

Honerable mentions:

Nyck and Daniel. I just have to talk about that. I can't really be happy for Daniel. I really started to like Nyck and I think there is a reason he got into F1 in the first place. He's a good driver and I really believe that he just needed more time. I understand that the team felt like they needed to do something, but to Nyck it's unfair. I just hope he gets over the pain quickly.

And Danny deserves better than Alpha Tauri. Like what is he supposed to prove in that shit box. Also I am so obsessed with Checo that I'm still so scared that they might drop him if Danny does really good and I keep thinking what would that mean for Yuki? etc

Now after the weekend, I still don't know how to feel about the whole situation and I actually started avoiding Danny content, which is stupid and sad. Danny deserves a seat and it's not his fault that the circumstances suck.

the Haas boys. Never thought I would say that, but I kinda dig their dynamic.

George. I've been thinking about George a lot lately and I really like him, but somehow he is super weird to me. Idek what exactly, somehow everything about him is weird, but lovable. From his stupid big eyes and his ridiculously long legs, to his strange laugh and his accent. I really don't know anything about the differences in british accents but his accent is the weirdest to me. I like it and I understand it perfectly, but it's just weird (I'm sorry, I'm not trying to offend anyone😭)

Also his PR stuff is so cringy. I love how he's just embracing it all, but it sometimes feels like he is an old man, who doesn't understand the internet but loves learning about it😭

And his race was impressive af. He really knows how to drive.

Fun fact: my brother thinks he should be Mercedes' first driver.

Lance. I've grown extremely fond of him. He's just a sweetheart and getting dangerously close to my top three. I might have to take him into consideration soon.

He's a cat. I love cats.

Initially I disliked him for the dumbest reason (being a rich kid), but even then I knew (or I was expecting) that the day would come that I start liking him and here we are. He's the kind of person I would want to be friends with.

Logan. Through Alex I've become somewhat of a Williams fan. And I really like it when Logan has a good day. The FPs were great for him. The race sucked tho (whatever happened there), but he didn't seem too mad about it.

Lewis. I couldn't believe my eyes when he took pole. I was so happy, but then the race start was so bad😭😭

And I feel incredibly bad that I didn't want him to get P3😭

He was just so close to Checo in the last few laps and I really wanted Checo on the podium. Please don't get me wrong, I would have loved to see Lewis on the podium. I would've loved to see him win, but with Max, Lando and Checo in front, I just couldn't cheer for him😭😭😭😭

Lando. I love this man and I just want him to finally get a win. But it seems like he takes P2 as some kind of win, knowing that Max is just unbeatable.

Max. His hair.

Also I just need to say how much I love it when Max speaks German. The Dutch accent when speaking German is like the cutest thing ever and I'm really impressed of how confident he is in the language.

And there's my internal Red Bull dilemma. I drink a Red Bull for every Quali and for every race. I don't want Red Bull and Max to keep dominating, but I want Checo in front and Max deserves to win because he is that good. Do I support Checo or the Red Bull domination by drinking too much Red Bull?😭😭😭

Either way, I love Red Bull and I will keep on drinking it lol. Also I might be a RB fan at heart. Still Ferrari all the way, but I came into F1 being a RB fan, because of rallye sport and almost every driver I like there, is driving for RB. And then there's what they did to Alex and Pierre and now Nyck.

It's a love-hate relationship.

Valtteri. I don't think I ever said anything about him here. I love this man! He is such a vibe. Just doing whatever the fuck he wants and slaying every second of his life. He's not at the top of my favorites, but generally speaking, he might be one of the coolest drivers on the grid.

In terms of race positions, I like to see him doing good, but I like to see my favs in front more. Alex > Valtteri, I had to cheer for Alex there.

Zhou. I'm positively neutral about Zhou,  I don't know much about him, but from what I've seen so far there's not much to dislike. But here I just wanted to say that I loved seeing him slay Quali. Alfa Romeo in general. It's good to see them in better positions every now and then. The start today was just unfortunate.

Carlos. I was surprised by how Ferrari was treating Carlos today. It seemed like the team was actually listening to him. I hope they sorted themselves out and they keep being nice to my man Carlito😭

But the German commentators kept saying that Carlos Sr. is already looking around for a seat in a different team for his son😭

I love him in Ferrari, but I would totally understand if he wanted to leave. But I also saw something about the possibility of him joining Audi and I gotta say, as much as I love Ferrari Carlos, seeing him in an Audi would be so cool! Might be because Carlos Sr. is driving for Audi, but that doesn't matter. It'd just be cool.

Pierre. I'm starting to find my love for Pierre again. It's not nearly as strong as it used to be (obviously, as he's not first anymore lol) For some reason I didn't really care about him for a few weeks, but it's coming back now. Also bad day for Alpine. Must be devastating, a DNF for both cars and it not even being their fault. I hope they're okay and don't kill Zhou.

Esteban. I'm starting to dig the whole Alpine dynamic. They might not be the best of friends but they make it work and I love that.

And still, I'm obsessed with Este's accent and I keep coming back to the squirrel clip. I just can't with him.

Also he gives me young Jeff Goldblum vibes, idk why, but I love it.

Might be the hair. Or the sunglasses.

Oscar. It's frustrating to watch Oscar almost get on the podium. He deserves a podium, he's an incredible driver and I'm happy that the car is finally good enough for him and Lando.

Yuki. Now that I named 18 drivers, I can just say some things to the last two as well. Yuki is such a cool person. I wish he was higher on my list (the honerable mentions are in no particular order). And like I said before, I'm a little scared of what Danny's performance means for him.

Fernando. I like him a lot. I like his laugh and his accent. He's serious but silly and he treats Lance well. I like to believe that he has no evil master plan and just actually likes Lance lol

Sometimes it seems that Aston is the only team that works together and just like Lance said, it's romantic.

Also Strollonso might actually be my favorite ship currently. They're so unlikely, but they just work and it's cute. Thay might not be a Lestappen or a Carlando, but they have my heart just as much and I need more content.

Wow, I didn't know I had so much to say. And I hadn't realized that I just named most of the grid until I counted them.

[guilibagelz]

Hi Dez! School's started for me, so I'm really busy and I can't really keep up with any social media... plus, I'm taking recovery really seriously now, and staying away from social media is part of that for me :) I probably won't be able to keep up with your Tumblr or interact much, I'll try to if I can?? but honestly I can't see myself using this website much. I do love seeing your posts, just knowing you're alive and doing things like making food and going to school makes my heart flutter, I love knowing that you're actually a beautiful and unique person and not just a faceless twitter account. I'm so, so proud of you every day and I can see you've come a long way since I met you on edtwt, the way you talk and post shows me that you're progressing!! in all honesty, I'm jealous, but I'll always continue to cheer you on and support you.

I don't really know what I want with this relationship, it's so long distance with me being in New Jersey, I think about you a lot but I really do make an effort to stay away from Tumblr and in turn I never see your posts, I stopped looking at your yumetwt page a long time ago because I deleted Twitter, even my alt account that I don't post from. It's nothing personal, again I love love love seeing your posts, but there are just too many conflicts.

I don't want to ask to "break up", I feel like there would honestly be no point, I might look back at this Tumblr page a few times in the future, who knows! I MIGHT go back to twitter when I'm "fully" recovered, idek if that's a thing, but going back is a risk I'm willing to take because twitter has given me many good things, a great, supportive community, hundreds of friends and followers, and most importantly, you. But we both know interaction is low, we don't text or ever call, we're just not very close anymore, in my opinion.

I guess this message is just to tell you that I'll probably not interact anymore, and I won't be active on any sort of social media platform? I don't exactly know how to explain anything here. I love you, dez, I care about you a lot, but I think things just have to come to a natural stop at one point, and we should let that happen if I never come back to Tumblr.

I feel like this whole letter is a mess, it's disorganized, but so are my thoughts thinking about this, sorry if it was cringe, sorry if it's a long read, sorry that this is happening, sorry I won't interact, sorry if I ever did anything you didn't like, sorry if I ever hurt you, and I love you so so much and genuinely only want the best for you. I hope you recover fully, I hope you can enjoy all the foods in the world you want, I hope you never ever feel like you want to cut or hurt yourself again, I hope you never feel like you don't deserve something, you deserve the world. I hope you're eternally happy.

goodbye, for now at least. maybe i'll come back to social media in a few years and find you! I know you'll be the first thing I search for. don't change your username!! ;)

I LOVE YOU,

Liselotte AKA lottebones

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

BYE LISE I LOVE YOU TOO 🧡🧡🧡🧡 ^_^

[tellywoodtrash]

hiiiii tt!! hope ur doing well <333

i wanted some advice from you, if that's okay. i started college this year and the experience has been ... nothing like i imagined lol. basically, i've been lonely my entire life. i'm also autistic and i think thats part of why its so hard for me to make friends. i really thought college would change that, idk why. its not like i bought into the ultimate karan johar college fantasy or anything like that, i just thought it would be...better than my school life, at least. for the first month, it kind of was. i was talking to lot of people and even getting along with them, at least i thought i did. but then one by one everyone just, like, stopped talking to me??? i don't get it.

like, one of the first friend groups i made in college, almost all of them decided to join a college society together, while i decided not to because i wasn't really interested in that particular club. then they all but forgot about me, once they joined that society. they made new friends over there and of course, all of them were still friends among themselves, but it was like i didn't even exist anymore. maybe i shouldn't take it so personally but i genuinely made an effort to keep that friendship alive and literally got nothing in return from their side.

then i made friends with some other girls in my course and all three of them literally got boyfriends at the exact same time and they started ignoring me too. at this point i feel i am the problem. because the reason all of these people (who i have only known for a few months, at best) abandoning me hurts so much is because this is how i've been treated my entire life. and now i feel like i will never escape it. if i somehow haven't been able to form a genuine bond with ANYONE for my entire 18 years of existence on this earth, clearly something is very wrong with me. i have no friends (never had them in the first place) and i don't even get along with my family. i am so completely alone and i just do not know how to cope with that.

i'm tired of being ghosted by everyone i consider a friend and then only being remembered when they need something. they are only my friend when it's convenient for them. college was supposed to be a fresh start but it just proved that every new "start" of mine will have the same old ending. i hate to let my pessimism get the best of me but i have no hope left in me. i have always felt like i had so much love to give, but no one to give it to. now, however, i don't see the point in trying. i am scared to even try to talk to people at this point, i feel like i will just fuck it up like i always do.

this is way too long already and idek why i'm writing all this but thank you for reading ig. i hope ur doing better than i am 💗

Hi hi friend,

First of alll, come here youuuuu.

Secondly, it's not really you. It's just the age and inherent nature of most 18 year olds; they tend to be a little flaky and unreliable. Couple that with college being the first real taste of freedom desi kids get, and yeah...... This shit tends to happen. You're right in that you shouldn't take it personally. Sometimes people just don't vibe with each other and that's okay. Sometimes people are rude and uncommunicative, and again, that's on them, not you. You shouldn't let this stuff get you down or lose hope in ever finding your tribe. It takes time. Sometimes they're right in front of you and you don't really consider them your "kind" of person, until one random conversation/situation you're thrown into with them proves to you that they indeed are! All I am saying is that you have your whoooooooole life ahead of you, and you're going to meet soooooo many people through it, and you WILL meet someone or the other whose weird will match yours. Whether that be irl or online.

Your line of having so much love to give but no one to give it to really resonated with me, coz I've felt that way so many times in my life too. But there is someone who needs it - YOU. Give yourself that love and consideration. Use this time to build a strong sense of self and have an unshakable bond with yourself. Do the things you love and pamper + better yourself in every way that you feel like. Alone does not have to mean lonely, not at all. There's literally so much you can do by yourself, like take classes, volunteer, etc, that will be such an enriching experience to who you are as a person. In time, whenever your people do show up, they'll be a fun bonus. You won't NEED them, but they'll just be a wholesome addition to your grounded little life that centers all around yourself.

Sending you lots of love 🤗🤗🤗💖💖💖