#ideas just come to me easier and he has a certain aesthetic i really vibe with | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

intrulogical · 5 years ago

Text

logan’s spotify playlist analysis

just a few (not really) thoughts i’ve garnered from the logan spotify playlist. fair warning, i have not heard of any of these songs before so i can be incorrect in interpreting some of the lyrics but hey, i’m trying my best, give ya girl a chance. i’ll also analyze the songs in order. summaries of my interpretations for each song is near at the end of the post! if you want to add anything, feel free to reply or reblog with your addition!

(one note, i won’t analyze the other sides’s playlist. i only did this because logan is my favorite, but if you want another analysis, i might do remus only if he gets one.)

big thanks to the logang discord who talked to me about the spotify playlist and my friend jana for proofreading this and letting me ramble to them! the analysis is below the cut. word count: 8300.

edit: apparently two songs aren’t available in my country, so i wasn’t able to see them right away to be added on this analysis. please check this post for the analysis of the songs what i do for u and the watchtower.

reblogging is highly appreciated!!! i worked rlly hard on this!!

tw: lots of logan angst, mentions of repression of emotions, mentions of lack of self esteem, and there’s a mention of suicide/depresion at the song “one more time with feeling” but i’ll mention it on the bullet so you know which part to skip!

the description of the playlist written by logan is interesting: “I was impelled to compile this selection of songs. I don’t entirely understand some of the lyrics, but I still found them compelling. Listen, or don’t.” the “listen, or don’t” part really suggests many things. one idea you can gain from that is that logan is probably ashamed of the songs he selected, even if he liked them, because it could be dubbed as “childish” but another thought i got is that the playlist confesses a lot of logan’s insecurities and personal issues, which might make him hesitant to present this to us because he’s not used to expressing himself and is probably scared of what others may think of him.

moreover, logan admitting he didn’t understand some of the lyrics sound a bit like a lie to me. while some songs could be difficult to understand without the lyrics, they all connect to something about logan, and to me, it’d make more sense that logan is hesitating to admit that some lyrics resonate with him because the lyrics connect to his personal identity/issues and he is definitely covering it up by saying he just vibes with the song’s aesthetic.

starting off, the elements by tom lehrer gives us the general idea about logan. he’s smart, he’s intelligent, he probably knows a lot more than what thomas knows which is weird but it works because it’s logan.

additionally, i just found out on genius.com that the song was meant to introduce the elements of the periodic table to an audience with a catchy tune so it can be remembered easily. this could imply that when thomas is learning something rather difficult, logan’s there to find different ways to teach thomas the lesson which thomas can easily adapt to.

white & nerdy by “weird al” yankovic is one of the few songs in logan’s playlist that’s in the form of a rap. before we dive into this song, i’d like to mention that logan picking very fast-paced songs are very interesting because i feel like raps and fast-paced songs resemble logan’s thought process. like remus, i feel like logan has an influx of thoughts and ideas that run across his head at any given time. fast songs could easily represent how much logan is thinking because raps can easily inform listeners about a lot of ideas and thoughts in one quick moment.

anyway, back to white & nerdy, first thing’s first: logan is an absolute nerd, but he also wants to be perceived as cool. this song practically screams “tryhard nerd is trying to be hip with the kids” and logan could probably relate to that on a spiritual level.

lyrics that probably stand out from this song would be the “I wanna bowl with the gangstas / But, oh well, it's obvious I'm white and nerdy” which is repeated throughout the song with the verbs changed in every chorus. “They see me strollin', they laughin' / And rollin' their eyes 'cause I'm so white and nerdy” could imply that the way logan is trying to be “cool” is failing because no matter what, everyone will still see him as a “nerd” above all else. because of this, it’s hard for him to relate and communicate with the other sides because the way he expresses himself could be something perceived as weird to the other sides. logan is just that different with the others, maybe you can suggest he’s the odd one out.

(this is probably also why in dwit, when he was called “cool”, he let out a disbelieving noise. he just wants to be seen as cool while also being himself and in dwit, he achieved that. the flashcards logan uses across the series is supposed to make him look “cool” but in dwit, he didn’t use any of that at all, being himself throughout the episode, and at the end, he was finally called “cool” for being himself.)

also, this may be a stretch, but if the other sides are supposed to be the “gangstas” he wants to roll with, that also can imply that logan doesn’t think lowly of the other sides. rather, he thinks of them as cool as well, and he wants to be just like them.

algorhythm by childish gambino is a very interesting song and a song that might be a bit difficult to understand (poor me with my bilingual problems) but an interesting take i found on genius.com helped me understand the context of the song. i will explain the song first before discussing how it connects to logan because this song is so smart. the song’s verses display apprehension as many of the lyrics question the validity of humanity and our society. the verses are intentionally distorted and inaudible because these statements oppose what could be deemed as acceptable in the society. the reason it is portrayed this way is because the person is afraid to be the odd one out in a society who thinks otherwise, despite how correct this one person is while the rest of the society isn’t. the chorus, while it could be perceived as something fun, talks about how majority of the society would choose to be ignorant about what is truly happening in our society and they would often follow whatever is popular, trendy, or fun; that is what the “algorhythm” really means. the chorus demands us to follow whatever is being said, to move our body exactly how society expects us to move. we follow the pattern that society deems is good, no matter how many problems still persist in the society. that is why the chorus is the most audible part of the song, why be hesitant when whatever you’re doing is something that the society loves doing as well? the song repeats “the algorhythm is perfect, mmh” twice, and it is expressed by the person who is having questioning thoughts about the algorhythm. this implies that no matter what, you will succumb to whatever society demands of you, and anything, especially the thoughts of one person against many, would not be able to change that.

now, how does this connect to logan? there are two main things i’d love to discuss: 1.) logan being the odd one of the group as his beliefs and thoughts are often brushed aside as they contradict what the other three core sides believe. and; 2.) while sometimes correct, the other three core sides in certain situations could offer the wrong solutions for problems without knowing they are negatively impacting thomas. logan’s the person questioning the society, the other core sides are the majority who can sometimes be ignorant of what could truly be the best solution for problems that arise, and thomas is the one who blindly follows what the majority presents as solutions, consequently making some of his problems worse.

now for the first point: logan usually is the most insightful whenever there is a problem that needs to be dealt with. it’s already known that he wants to be listened to so badly, and this song implies that he feels disregarded for thinking differently, even if it’ll benefit thomas immensely. an example would be in dwit wherein patton and virgil wouldn’t stop doubting and cutting him off whenever he tries to help thomas. the song is implying that because of how he is the odd one out in the group, he is starting to become more apprehensive about what he thinks because he feels like he’s wrong most of the time. it implies that he thinks it’d be easier to succumb to what the others think is right rather than to think his own opinions are important. just like in the song, logan is “(Moving how they say so)” because at some point, he gives in to the idea that he is incorrect and wrong, and is beginning to adapt to what the majority thinks is right.

for the second point, i don’t want to suggest i’m berating the other three core sides when in reality, those three are also very important to thomas, but then again, those three aren’t the most flexible when accepting suggestions that come from logan. while the three don’t always agree on certain solutions, they agree more with each other compared to agreeing to solutions suggested by logan. when thomas sees this, he might think that because more sides agree with one idea, maybe it’s better to go with the majority, and that pushes logan away more despite his contributions actually being useful to the group.

okay, this is added last minute because i got the thought really late but i think we should recognize this as the event that pushed logan to start having higher expectations for himself. the previous song shows us he wants to be perceived as cool, but the next song shows us he wants to be perceived as perfect. the problem logan had with himself definitely evolved for the worse and i think this song shows us what pushed logan to be so nitpicky about how un-perfect he is.

fitter happier by radiohead has a very direct message and its connection to logan is the same with the message they are trying to say on its own. this song showcases the high expectations logan has for himself to be the most perfect side for thomas, when in reality, the list of things described in the song ironically doesn’t describe how we can become the “most perfect” human; it describes how we can be the most inhuman thing in the world. if anything, the list of activities only makes us more machine than human, which is why the song is spoken through a robotic voice. the connection to logan is really easy to make here: logan thinks that pushing himself to strictly follow a certain itinerary would be beneficial for him in the hopes that he can be the most perfect version of himself for thomas, when in reality, it’s unrealistic as it only encourages the repression of his negative emotions. moreover, this song implies that logan needs to understand that he is allowed to be free and to make mistakes because no human can ever be perfect. all he’ll end up doing is abuse himself if he continued down this path of repression and strict planning for himself. to be the best version of yourself means it’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s important to learn from them, and if you follow this toxic planning for yourself, you’ll only end up being trapped.

medicine by STRFKR gave me a bilingual headache because this song is kind of difficult to understand, even more than algorhythm. someone in genius.com mentioned that “Never Remember / Your Birthday” is actually wrong, and rather, it should be “ Never Remember / You’re perfect / Or anything you like”. the song itself talks about philosophy, saying you can never be perfect because if you realize that you are perfect, you become egotistical and you lose interest in learning more if you realize you’re “perfect”. logan would never, ever want to lose interest in learning-- that’s his entire being, damnit! logan wouldn’t be a person who’d want to disregard the importance of learning. because of this, the song implies logan recognized the fact that he can never be perfect, albeit quite hesitantly, but he still aims to be the best he can be for thomas.

the song states that while we cannot be perfect, we can still be curious and hungry for knowledge, and that would be a good substitute for aiming to be perfect. curiosity is the medicine being talked about in the song, and if logan can’t be perfect, at least he can be curious because in that way, logan can learn, logan can educate himself, and logan would be knowledgeable enough for thomas.

the breach by clipping. implies that logan is the most rational side who knows how to keep everything steady. while i won’t get into details of what the song is about, the song is rapped by a computer white a problem is occuring in the space ship they are in. just like the computer, logan is the side who oftentimes knows the correct approach for any given problem, but tends to complicate how he expresses his statements. i believe this song expresses how analytical logan is and how he requires himself to be the most specific he can be at any given moment. same points that i mentioned earlier could be applied again here: despite how intricate logan can be, the other sides need to listen to him more because whatever he’s saying isn’t just useless jargon. he does make valid statements and the other sides need to listen to him more or else, just like at the end of the song, everything can become utter chaos.

just one more thing to add-- while i am unfamiliar with the album, i read the genius.com annotations for the lyrics and it mentioned that the computer, who is a character in the album, slowly becomes more human-like over the course of the story. in this song, which is the beginning of the album, we can easily interpret the computer as an over-analyzing unemotional machine, but over time, they get to become more human and think past their coding. they get to develop their own emotions and they get to become something more than a logical device. see a connection with logan? this implies that logan’s arc will involve himself being able to differentiate himself as an individual and himself as logic. while he is thomas’s logic, he needs to allow himself to be his own person and have his own personality. (i wonder how that’ll mix in with the “i’m not perfect enough” problem logan has)

letter c by zach sherwin depicts logan’s frustration from being made fun of. the line “Hey you know the only difference between ‘rap’ and ‘crap?’ It’s the letter C” basically implies that someone told logan that his passions and interests are synonymous to shit. throughout the series, while logan’s passions aren’t directly invalidated, he has been called nicknames often, and also is doubted from time to time whenever he expresses something to the others. but the thing is, teaching others, educating others-- that’s what logan is passionate about, and the fact that a lot of the others are disinterested by what he says would undoubtedly make logan frustrated, like what happens in the song.

however, logan is not good at comebacks unless it was planned in advanced, but this song gives us a good idea of logan’s thought process whenever he gets insulted. we know he keeps a notebook of everything said to him that is deemed as stupid (embarrassing phases ep i think?) and we can understand that insults really get to him and sticks to him deeply. he overthinks about them; he ponders about them.

other than that, having no comebacks also make logan feel ashamed of himself (which is suggested at the end of the song) because not only would he look stupid to the others, he would also look uncool or un-perfect, and he really doesn’t want to be perceived as either.

galaxy song from monty python is honestly just adorable. while it is sad to see that logan probably doesn’t seek comfort in other people, he does seek comfort in the stars. he is very passionate about astronomy, and while i doubt thomas took the astronomy class logan desperately wanted him to take, logan still hasn’t given up on astronomy like thomas did. while some might be scared of the idea that we are a mere speck in the universe that extends infinitely, logan is fascinated by it. logan loves knowledge, logan loves learning, and he is very fond of astronomy mostly because the knowledge he can earn is unlimited. additionally, he finds worth in himself because he was born in a universe filled with many stars and planets that he finds fascinating, and i think that’s adorable.

streaks by ANIMA! depict thomas’s and logan’s shared development throughout the years, especially when thomas was still a teenager. while there are many hardships growing up, these hardships were detrimental for thomas to understand himself further, and it is all thanks to logan for helping thomas make sense of everything. here, logan highly values education, thinking of it as a crucial part of thomas’s future. the song suggests that logan has planned for thomas’s future for a very long time, and he is convinced that whatever thomas is going through in school will help benefit logan’s plans for thomas. once thomas left school, particularly college, he has learnt everything he needs for a brighter future. all of this knowledge and development is thanks to logan, and the lines “Throw em in the water / They will sink or float / If you don't then you will never know” speak of the process of how logan was able to gain information and knowledge that thomas would apply for himself in the future. this knowledge isn’t limited to academic knowledge-- it’s about his social life, about his personal self, it’s everything thomas has learned. everything thomas knows now is thanks to logan.

okay but here comes the angst. the line “You're a smart kid, tough kid, but you're still a kid that grew” implies so much. firstly, we can recognize that logan probably has had a long time plan for thomas’s future and his career since he was a teenager, and he expects thomas to follow this plan right after college because he expects that at this point, thomas has fully come to understand himself and he needs to put all this progress and development into good use. what he didn’t expect is that thomas was still developing, still changing, and is still “a kid that grew” despite graduating. as we know, thomas mostly does youtube/theatre for a living, and it probably pained logan that all this planning he has turned out pointless. but even if thomas changed career plans right after college, the chorus repeating again implies that logan is still helping thomas develop. he still makes plans for thomas, he contributes ideas for thomas to place in his videos, and most importantly, he ensures a successful life for thomas, no matter what.

erase me by ben folds five is easily one of the angstiest songs on the playlist. in the song, the singer is trying to sing about a breakup and how their ex treats the singer as worthless. if we want to envision this in logan’s perspective, the song would be talking about the fragile relationship logan has with the other sides. the song describes their home together as “Paper not stone” which implies that their relationship was shaky, was unstable, and it was no surprise for logan that they eventually left him. yea, it wasn’t logan who left, but it was the others. this is implied by the line “And when you pulled your half away”.

even if it is implied that the others left him first, the song still suggests that logan cares deeply about them. but even if he cares about the others, he questions his worth nonstop, evident in like… the whole song. the song is called “erase me”, so it’s no surprise that logan blames himself in this situation and would even think of himself as the problem. it’s clear in the song that logan still deeply cares about the others, and their opinions on him still affect him gravely. the last line “And if you feel nothing, guess what I wanna be? Nothing.” implies that logan highly considers what the others say towards him, and sometimes would treat it as fact. if the others think nothing of him then maybe, he is nothing. throughout the series, logan has been repeatedly insulted and made fun of and while he becomes defensive, the songs in this playlist show that he does listen to the others and their criticisms of him, and he wants to change himself because of it.

while logan ponders deeply about the insults said to him, the song shows us that the others don’t think much of it. the song actually implies they’ve replaced logan as if he were some utility and acted nothing of it. they don’t realize the emotional pain they’ve inflicted unto logan and he knows this. logan recognizes that they don’t consider his worth. additionally, the line “Go and call the cops now, baby” sort of implies that thomas is also in on this and has heard of what the others said about logan and is siding with the others.

not only does logan feel incredibly sad by this, it’s obvious that logan is also very angry. he’s angry that the others think of him as useless, he’s angry that the others think he’s replaceable, and while he does listen to their jabs at times, he similarly just wants to prove them wrong. while the line “Erase me” can depict him succumbing to their jeers, this could also be about logan thinking of a way that’ll make the others realize his worth. the lines “We know that you don’t seem to think about what you need ‘til you reach to find that you’ve erased me.” suggests that the others can only understand his worth if logan erases himself completely. while the others pushed him away, they haven’t really erased him completely, but they just simply avoided him. if logan actually is gone, or maybe if he… ducks out, the others might realize what big of a mistake they’ve committed.

(honestly, it also must be frustrating for logan that the only way he can prove his worth is to disappear from the others. is his efforts just not good enough for them?)

also, at this point of the playlist, it is quite evident that logan is not emotionless. he has emotions, but clearly… they aren’t positive ones. many of these songs already tell us of logan’s problems: he isn’t listened to enough, he’s been left behind, he’s frustrated with himself, he wants to appear cool to the others, etc. and what’s worse is that he’s dealing with all these problems alone. one of the reasons he probably is repressing his emotions besides wanting to be “perfect” for thomas is that he does not want to reveal how much negative emotions have flooded him because of the other sides. he doesn’t want the others to be hurt just like how they hurt him.

now, art is dead by bo burnham definitely speaks of logan’s thoughts on art, and how flawed he believes roman and thomas’s artistry is. logan would define art as something you can be passionate about with money never being a factor of how great you are performing. in logan’s opinion, roman’s way of creating art is flawed. he views roman’s passion as something fake. instead of being the artist roman thinks he is, logan thinks of him as someone merely egotistical and selfish, someone who’s immature and craves attention. and while this might be harsh on logan’s part, i also think logan recognizes that this egotistical side roman is showing is most likely fake. in the lines “It’s all an illusion / I’m wearing makeup”, and “My drug’s attention / I am an addict / But I get paid to indulge in my habit”, logan understands that perhaps, roman is hiding under a facade. moreover, logan recognizes the danger behind roman endlessly craving attention from others. logan understands that there is a negative side to roman’s need for attention because roman needs to understand that he is valid even without other people praising him; roman relying on attention to measure his value is only going to ruin himself and his self-esteem. while i think the song has many messages behind it (please god help me because i don’t know how to explain this song well), i think this song discusses how despite loathing roman at some times, he is trying his best to understand him. while some parts downright insult roman, some parts show that logan understands roman is hurting.

another interpretation i’ve got is this song shows logan’s views on thomas becoming an entertainer. he thinks that the career he has now is undignifying and embarrassing. logan expresses that people who are entertainers or artists have stopped creating art because of it being their passion; rather, logan thinks these people do it because it’s a cheap way to earn money quickly. in this way, logan feels like the career he has now is unsatisfying because it all feels like a cheat to him. in the song, they state the unfairness of how rich entertainers are despite being lazy compared to people who work in drugstores, aiming to help people the best they can 24/7 with low pay. another lyrics you can use to describe logan’s frustration with how unsatisfied he is with this lifestyle would be the line “Cause I wanted my name in lights / When I could have fed a family of four / For forty fucking fortnights / Forty fucking fortnights.”. but even if logan feels undignified, he succumbs to the fact that he’s trapped being this kind of artist, but it’s obvious he isn’t too happy about it.

equation by hans zimmer & camille is unexpectedly depressing. this song is most likely sung from the perspective of a child growing up, overwhelmed by how much they have to learn before they reach adulthood. this entire song depicts a child asking questions which are supposed to make them look “grownup” enough, hoping they are on the right path for a successful future. i think this song depicts the stress logan experienced when thomas was approaching adulthood because everyone practically depended on him for thomas to have a successful life. this acknowledges the only time logan has felt overwhelmed by the influx of knowledge he had to learn just so he can ensure thomas that everything will turn out okay. in the song, the singer asks a lot of questions that could be labelled as something “grownups” would do, which shows us that logan’s need to be professional all stemmed from him wanting to help thomas become successful in the future. but even if logan was able to plan for thomas’s future, there are some parts of the song that imply that logan longs for times he was a child again. it’s just… logan just grew up so fast, everyone relied on him at such a young age, and he never really enjoyed his childhood to the fullest. he wonders where his childhood went, and he patiently waits for the happiness he experiences as a child to come back again. then again, that happiness would never return, would it?

additionally, the lines “Have I made you cross? Have I made you sad? Have I made you proud, Mom?” imply that when logan was growing up, he was, most of the time, alone. he never really confided in others for any problems he had, and he preferred handling everything independently. nobody seemed to pay attention to him anyway, even if he really cares for the other sides. i know it’s been said before but logan really needs to gain more recognition for everything he’s done for thomas, and people really need to listen to him more.

while logan would never admit this now, i do think logan, as a child, was immensely overwhelmed by how much he thinks. just like remus, logan has an influx of thoughts and ideas going through his head, and when he didn’t understand it in the past, he probably wanted all of it to quiet down. his role as logic is tiring, and while logan understood this at a young age, i believe that growing up, he began to normalize this as it happens too frequently over the years, evident by how logan usually acts throughout the series. to this day, logan probably has many experiences where he feels exhausted or stressed, but he intentionally doesn’t tell the others about it because again, he thinks that being this stressed is a normal occurrence.

(this is probably why he doesn’t wanna open up with others in the series. while i think he is repressing emotions intentionally, i feel like sometimes, he just doesn’t admit he is stressed because he shrugs it off as a normal occurrence.)

sunrise from in the heights is one of the more unique songs in the playlist. yes yes i know, as a logince fan i am also screaming internally and externally but i do have a different explanation as to why logan placed this song in his playlist aside from him wanting to be closer to roman. this song displays a moment of someone learning, something logan is quite fond of. while the song displays an educational experience between two characters, it’s also very intimate. logan probably believes that to be able to achieve knowledge, you must disregard your feelings because it’ll only get in the way of learning. but this song shows that our emotions could be a motivator for us to learn. that’s what makes logan like this song. this song fascinates logan because in the song, benny, the guy who can’t speak spanish, is learning spanish because he loves nina, the girl teaching him spanish. it shows him that in learning, having feelings and emotions is completely valid, and it doesn’t restrict learning entirely.

another thing i’d like to note is that songs like this that show a fascination in learning probably motivate logan to learn more. he is merely fascinated when he sees people being amused by education and learning, hence why he might have a fondness for the song.

one more time with feeling by regina spektor is… sad. it talks about a patient recovering from their illness and coping with the sadness that comes with it. (tw: suicide/depression, please skip to the next bullet if you are triggered by this.) the illness being spoken about in the song would be depression and this shows us the aftermath of someone committing suicide. while i do not think logan would be depressed or suicidal, i do think the song is suggesting that logan is suffering something, and he thinks it’d be appropriate for himself to… erase himself. this is the second song in the playlist that implies logan would want to disappear because the others neglect him. the line “And the pride inside their eyes would synchronize into a love you’ve never known so much more than you’ve been shown” implies that the other sides will finally acknowledge logan if and only if he erases himself, duck out.

we can fully establish at this point that logan represses a lot of his emotions and the other sides know it too. the others, clearly evident in lntao, tries to help logan to stop repressing his emotions, but they aren’t really successful in teaching him. i think it’s mostly because the sides are being sympathetic rather than empathetic, and the sides think that their way of accepting their emotions would be a helpful way for logan to understand his emotions too. but the thing they don’t realize is that maybe, logan isn’t like them, and he can’t use the same ways they use because frankly, it doesn’t work. now, where in the song does this get implied? The lines “You thought by now you’d be so much better than you are / You thought by now they’d see that you had come so far.” suggests that logan did consider the advice of the other sides at some point. he tried to accept his emotions like the others said, he really thought that he might be able to get over his issues. but the wording of the song is really interesting because it says “You thought--” as if the person thought it would work, but it didn’t. additionally, the chorus at the end could be thought of as the advice logan is receiving from the other sides. but the lyrics “Hold on / One more time with feeling / Try it again, breathing’s just a rhythm” implies that the advice he’s getting isn’t working for him. it didn’t work for him, but he’s trying again because he doesn’t doubt the other sides, and if that doesn’t work, he’s trying again. then, the lyrics say, “Say it in your mind, until you know that the words are right.” which is a much more cynical line because they’re implying that if their advice doesn’t work, then logan just needs to try harder until it’s ingrained in his brain. the last line, “This is why we fight” could have a double meaning. one might think this is about fighting your inner demons to eventually overcome them. but this could also mean that the advice logan is receiving from the others isn’t working, and the fact that they push their advice so much unto him would be the reason why the sides and logan fight. in this sense, the lyric could mean “This, the uneffective advice I receive from you, is the reason why you (the others) and I (Logan) fight.”. to cut this short, the other sides need to be more empathetic in trying to understand logan’s issues because so far, all they’ve been doing is make assumptions for logan’s problems and offer solutions that might only work for themselves. for them to be able to help logan, they must put themselves in his shoes and understand logan better, or else they might just end up damaging him.

now, i do have a less depressing interpretation of this song which completely contradicts the last bullet point but i wanted to mention it because it made sense to me. while i did imply that the chorus could have some malicious intent behind it, we can also look at it in a positive light. this song in the playlist is the only one where we see logan possibly getting comforted by the other sides, and that would make sense seeing that the songs after this one would be about logan accepting himself for who he is. so, if we think of this song as the sides finally reaching out for logan, we can assume that at some point in the series, logan will reveal every problem he has to the other sides. at this point, instead of neglecting him, the sides are showing him love that he’s never seen before because they finally understand logan. sadly, their love and comfort would only be given only if they realize how bad logan is hurting, but at least he’s finally receiving the love that he desperately wanted.

in my mind by amanda palmer speaks of a topic similar to the songs medicine and fitter, happier because it sings about perfection. at this point, we can safely assume that logan is obsessed with precision and perfection, and he has aimed to be perfect for thomas for a very long time. problem is, he doesn’t realize how much he’s beating himself up from trying to achieve his perfect self. however, this song is the first one in the playlist which shows logan accepting that he can’t be perfect, and the person he is now is good enough for him and for the others. yes, medicine implies logan understands he cannot be perfect, but the song didn’t really give us that sense of resolution like this song does. i also think this song perfectly resembles how logan’s arc is going to look like. the song is split into four verses and each verse shows us the different stages of how sometimes, we want to be the perfect version of ourselves, but in the end, we realize we’re good enough for ourselves and for others.

anyway, focusing on the song, the first verse discusses logan’s high expectations for himself. the line “In a future five years from now / I’m a hundred and twenty pounds / And I never get hung over / Because I will be the picture of discipline” definitely shows it. he’s restricting himself because, implied by the lines “Never minding what state I’m in / And I will be someone I admire”, he isn’t satisfied with the person he is at the present. To further add to this, the line “And it’s funny how I imagined / That I would be that person now” explains that at some point, logan thought he was smart enough, he once thought he was “perfect”, but he realized that he wasn’t. he thought that he was enough, but no, something made him realized that he still had many flaws (cough algorhythm cough). the line “Maybe I’ve forgotten how to see / That I’m not exactly the person that I thought I’d be” shows him realizing that he wants to be better, he wants to improve himself. logan definitely has his own insecurities about his worth which makes him want to push himself more.

verse two has the same implications as the first verse but i do believe it is showing the negative effects of wanting to be perfect more. this shows us logan getting used to controlling himself to strictly do things that he can only label as something that’ll help himself improve. this time, it’s stricter with the line “Because I will be the picture of discipline / Never fucking up anything” and it depicts how simple mistakes he commits would make him feel miserable. (cough this means the infinitesimal mistake probably pained him so much cough cough)

verse three shows us logan realizing that the perfect version he aims to be is actually… not so perfect. the lines “I’m so busy with everything / That I don’t look at anything” is logan getting a realization that he hates this. he hates aiming to be perfect, he hates how restricting himself, and this “perfect version” he aims to be is just bullshit. the lines “And it’s funny how I imagined / That I could be that person now / But that’s not what I wanted / If that’s what I wanted / Then I’d be giving up somehow / How strange to see / That I don’t wanna be the person that I want to be” suggest that logan realized that doing all this, aiming to be perfect, is hurting him. he didn’t want to be perfect. i also think that these lines show us that logan is finally prioritizing himself above all things because, evident in the songs before this, he always aimed to be perfect for others. he always saw himself as faulty and he always intended to fix himself. but this verse shows us that he realizes that he isn’t faulty, he isn’t a mistake, he isn’t someone who needs to improve. he realizes he’s in hurting and he gives in to it, realizing he just needs to give himself time to accept himself for who he is because again, he is enough.

the last verse has logan acknowledging that the “perfect version” he aims to accomplish is downright impossible. the lines “And maybe it’s funniest of all / To think I’ll die before I actually see / That I am exactly the person that I want to be.” shows logan finally acknowledging his self-worth. he finally admits he’s good enough, and laughs at his past self trying so hard to be perfect. he’s okay. he understands he’s good enough. (also i am very proud of him, you don’t understand how my heart is exploding rn)

not perfect by tim minchin has kind of the same message as the previous song. it’s quite heartwarming that at this point, logan’s starting to accept himself and he’s not afraid to say he isn’t perfect. in this song, the singer expresses the many things he holds dear in his life, and while he acknowledges that there are some flaws to everything, he still thinks of them fondly, telling us that no matter how un-perfect it is, it’s enough for him. there’s a repeated line of “It’s not perfect, but it’s mine” and it’s easy to say that logan is not only referring to himself, but he’s referring to the family he has as well. he’s been so hard on himself that whenever he sees a flaw in something, he immediately think it’s faulty. but here, he’s acknowledging that flaws are something normal, something okay to have, and instead of turning away from himself or the others, he begins to love himself and his family.

i think the most important verses would be the verses which sing about his body and his brain. it’s all gonna be repetitive, i know, but the lines “I spend so much time hating it [my body] but it never says a bad word about me” and “[This is my brain] where all my fucked up thoughts can hide / ‘Cause god forbid I hurt somebody” really emphasize how much logan struggled before he began to accept himself. while the first line suggests he struggled a lot with how he thinks of himself, the second speaks of how much thoughts he repressed because he wanted to be better for others. while i don’t think the thoughts are really “fucked up” like the lyric suggests, i think this mostly talks about his negative emotions and how he wanted to hide it from the others. but at the end, again, he eventually stops repressing his emotions and allows himself to let them out because it’s perfectly valid.

human by tank and the bangas has almost the same message as the previous two songs. what’s interesting is that logan uses knowledge and different facts to motivate himself to love himself. throughout the song, it tells us facts about our bodies which logan would definitely be fascinated by, and it’s soft to think that he values himself because he treasures the fact that we exist. we are made this way for a reason, everything in his body has been meticulously crafted to serve different purposes, and logan finds it amazing. not only does he use this to help motivate himself, but he uses this to love the other sides as well. in this song, it is implied that there has been a relationship that has gone wrong, and we can think of it as the friendship between logan and the others. while the relationship between logan and the others has been wonky, they will eventually make amends and be close again; logan just needs time to understand himself, to love himself, and when logan is finally okay, he and the other sides and start over.

what i love about this song is not only is logan accepting himself but he is complimenting himself. while the last two songs are about him saying he’s enough, this song actually shows us that logan is starting to admire himself. he says he’s incredible and valuable, tougher than any superhero, and if that ain’t character development, i don’t know what is

one last interesting bit is that these last three songs imply that logan honestly needs a break from everything. all this acceptance and loving yourself can only be achieved if logan takes a break from working. i think this implies logan will eventually isolate himself from the others in the series just for a few moments, just so he can finally help himself, and he can only reconnect with the others if and only if he takes care of himself first.

time adventure from adventure time acknowledges eternalism wherein time is all an illusion and that there is no past or future, just the present tense. everything is currently set in the present, and whatever happened, happens, or is happening will exist forever because everything is set in the same time period which is the present. i think this song suggests that logan has already reconciled with himself and the others again and currently, he is happy with it. he uses this eternalism to emphasize how he treasures this moment of happiness so much. in this way, he can say that this happiness that he is experiencing right now will exist forever because it exists now. there’s not much more to say here than logan is finally happy, the others are happy with him, and he wants this moment of joy to happen forever.

now that that’s over, i’m going to summarize my analysis of each song in the following bullet points so it can be easier to understand:

the elements by tom lehrer: logan values education and always aims make anything easily understandable for thomas.

white & nerdy by “weird al” yankovic: logan, while he is a nerd, also wants to appear as cool to fit in with the others.

algorhythm by childish gambino: logan feels like he’s being alienated by the group because he thinks differently from them, despite being correct.

fitter happier by radiohead: logan has high expectations for himself to be perfect but this also makes him feel trapped.

medicine by STRFKR: logan realizes being perfect means he might become lazy, and this first showcases logan questioning if aiming to be perfect is a valid thing to do.

the breach by clipping.: logan is portrayed as someone who keeps control of everything thomas’s mind. without him, everything will disrupt into chaos.

letter c by zach sherwin: logan overthinks a lot about the insults he receives and wishes he can produce better comebacks so others might think he’s cool.

galaxy song from monty python: logan is fascinated by astronomy, bringing him comfort.

streaks by ANIMA!: thomas’s life being put-together is all thanks to logan. logan really should deserve more credit for building the person thomas is today.

erase me by ben folds five: logan feeds like he’s being disregarded and the others don’t know they are hurting him. he thinks erasing himself might make the others realize his worth, even if he sometimes lacks self-love.

art is dead by bo burnham: logan feels undignified with thomas’s career as an entertainer and he thinks roman is immature. then again, this song implies he wants to further understand roman.

equation by hans zimmer and camille: logan was stressed a lot when thomas was approaching adulthood and he thinks his job as logic is incredibly tough, making him miss it when thomas was a child, free of any responsibilities.

sunrise from in the heights: logan is fascinated by the fact that emotions can be a motivator for learning, something he has never thought of before.

one more time with feeling by regina spektor: the others finally understand what logan’s worth is when logan disappears, but the advice they give to him aren’t exactly the best but hey, they’re trying to reconcile with each other.

in my mind by amanda palmer: logan accepts the fact he can’t be perfect and the person he is now is enough.

not perfect by tim minchin: logan begins to understand that the most un-perfect thinks could be the things he loves the most, and he begins to love himself more, thinking it’s enough.

human by tank and the bangas: logan finds comfort in facts as it makes him feel more empowered. these facts make him fascinated with himself, as well as find fascination in the other sides.

time adventure from adventure time: he finally reconciles with the others, reconciles with himself, and he wants the happiness he feels now to exist forever.

now, thomas mentioned in a tweet to listen to them in order. i do think the playlist is meant to foreshadow what’s to happen to logan’s arc. these are a few thoughts that i have that might occur in logan’s arc:

all of logan’s problems definitely stem from him wanting to be cool enough for the other sides. because he wants to be perceived as cool and the others don’t really think of him that way, he begins devaluing himself. this problem eventually evolves, and instead of wanting to be cool, logan wants to be absolutely flawless, and he is abusing himself because of it.

roman is definitely someone with a crucial role in logan’s arc. this playlist references roman more than the other sides and while i don’t know what his role is, i do think he is one of the main people who will help logan during his arc.

with songs like erase me and one more time with feeling, i have a very heavy feeling that logan will duck out or disappear. he did get the epiphany that the others will only see his worth if he is gone, and this might happen during his arc.

ONE LAST THING: thomas tweeted this:

it is suspicious to me that he says that this is only PART of the reason why. there is a bigger reason to why logan didn’t put crofters the musical on his playlist, and i can only think of two reasons why. one would be he didn’t want to hurt roman since it was evident that logan respects the other sides, especially roman. another is that he isn’t embarrassed by his singing per se, but he is embarrassed with himself. he was too immature, too incompetent, and because logan longs to be perfect, he might consider crofters the musical as a mistake he committed.

(also, if logan is ashamed of not putting crofters the musical and is hesitant to show us this playlist, does he mean he still is suffering now?)

anywho, conclusion: logan is sad, give him some love, and i hope he knows we love him for who he is. remember that my interpretation is my interpretation, not in any form fact, so if i’m wrong, i’m wrong, and that’s okay! again, feel free to add anything to this and have your own interpretations because i’d love to hear them!

#sanders sides #logan sanders #thomas sanders #my post

335 notes · View notes

funkymbtifiction · 4 years ago

Note

Can you explain further why you think so many 6s and 9s mistype as 4s?

It’s partly because 6s and 9s feel resentment at feeling the ‘external pressures’ hard upon them by being that type, which leads them to develop a militant ‘I am not you / like that / unique’ standpoint that identifies with the 4 profiles, and partly that many 4 profiles miss the point of 4 and focus too much on the wrong side of 4. The “I want to be special and unique” is universal -- and highly sought after by 6s and 9s in particular, because both have fears about being not-special or “seen” for themselves.

Some Enneagram teachers and books reduce 4 down to “I don’t want to do what you do, so I won’t.” Well, a 6 might do that out of their own contrarian nature -- which is an inborn thing built into their defense mechanisms: if you say black, I say white, if you do this, I do that, which can to someone who doesn’t really ‘get’ 4 look 4ish since it’s all about me as separate from you. 9s might do that out of finally having had enough, or because as a gut type, they can FEEL in their soul what you want from them and are tired of giving it to you or think they have to fend it off -- because their natural desire is to merge.

The two types who feel the most like their sense of self is placed ‘outside’ themselves then show defiance by typing as a 4. The ‘independent and special’ typing, but they don’t realize the heart of 4 is self-sabotage and brokenness. The 4 expects rejection and puts themselves in the path of disappointment, as a self-fulfilling track of rejection-anticipation -- OR they develop a “they won’t want me anyway, so why bother, they can’t understand me anyway” mindset that becomes arrogance and elitism to cover up insecurity. A lot of 4 profiles erroneously also focus on truth, beauty, and optimism -- when that is the anti-4 and far more like a sexual 9 (or, you know, other types who like aesthetics). A lot of actual / real 4s focus on what is sad, wrong, ugly, or absent in life, because that is ‘truth,’ and that is ‘authentic to human suffering.’

It’s way easier to cling to something you are not, that doesn’t make you feel like someone has exposed all your secrets and cut you open for everyone to sneer at, than it is to face what kind of ‘dumpster fire’ you are and realize the things you tell yourself are a lie. The biggest give-away between 6s who think they are 4s and real 4s is the “we can be weirdos together” vibe the 6s give off. They turn being “weird” into something to celebrate, when in reality, being weird, estranged, and not like you isn’t something 4s enjoy -- it’s something that gnaws at their gut, because they feel like an alien born on the wrong planet, that you have things they will never have, happiness they will never find, and their only way to cope is to cling frantically to certain Big Feelings to block out the things they REALLY don’t want to feel. (I’m not gonna cope with my fears of abandonment, so I’m going to have a meltdown about my triggers instead.)

That song “This is Me” that seems so 4ish in The Greatest Showman? 6-who-thinks-they-are-a-4 song. Why? “Let’s all be freaks together!” Community. The 6 is looking for community, for friends, for outside sources to rely on, for a place to feel safe. The 4 is all about me, myself, and I, separate from you, and does not make their brokenness a way to connect to others. In fact, they would despise the very thought of that. One Enneagram teacher joked that out of all the 4s he’s met, he’s never met one like anyone else. Well, they wouldn’t be, would they? They’re all rejecting something in society, in their own way. To isolate, increase separation from ‘other,’ and turn their brokenness into a shield.

I have probably mistyped some other types in the past as 4s who aren’t -- the one that comes immediately to mind is Viola from Shakespeare in Love. Back in the good old days of ignorance when I thought 4 meant “I love depth and beauty and yearn for more marvelous things” I probably assumed 4 for her -- but now, just in thinking about her, a sexual 9 comes to mind. She covets a deep emotional connection and merging with someone special, to be absorbed in the beauty of poetry -- but she is obedient (and sees her acts of defiance as incredible experiences, because she’s never dared to do these things before), well-mannered, and willing to go back to her former life when the affair ends. Now that I have a better idea of what 4 is, I may have to rethink some characters in those tags -- the actual 4s are very obvious (Anne Shirley, Mary Shelley, Marianne Willoughby, etc) which means some others may be... wrong.

Ah well. What else have I got to do, right? ;)

- ENFP Mod

#enneagram #enneagram 4 #enneagram 6 #enneagram 9

71 notes · View notes

ghoulciifer · 4 years ago

Text

submission:

@joonzreina: “hi tum, how are you?!. i wanna congratulate you on your 100 milestone!. keep up the good work!. if you don’t mind, may i please request a matchup with the hq boys only please?. i am she/her, straight, latina, and 5”0. i have light brown eyes, long dark curly brown hair, and curly bangs. my personality is described as wild, crazy, hilarious, hot tempered, blunt, sarcastic, brave, loyal, and kindhearted. i only have a 3 best friends that are like family to me. i will stand up for myself and them no matter what!. i’m a leader too. my hobbies consists of me watching anime, kdramas,/netflix, sleeping, eating, reading manga,webtoons, and astrology. i am a huge believer in astrology!. i love listening to rap/rnb and kpop!. i’m a very affectionate person too and who isn’t afraid of skinship. i would kiss my man on the lips all the time!. what i look for in a man is for him to respect me, who loves affection/skinship, tall, sweet, caring, funny, understanding, protect me, loves affection, and who will always be there with me through thick and thin. my aesthetic would be baddie vibes, like dark red colors, black, sexy colors, light pink, and just i don’t give a fuck vibes/bad bitch energy!. i’m 20 years old old so NSFW would be good to put!. my favorite color is pink and neon green!. thank you so so much tum, you’re such a sweetheart!. i hope you have a wonderful night!. take care hun!. i can’t wait to see what content you post!”

notes: firstly, thank you so much for your kind words, sweetpea 🥺 i love seeing your url in my notifs, your support means the world to me! i really hope you approve of this matchup, because much like the last one, bo was the first person i thought of after reading what you sent. thanks again for your sweet self and i hope to see you more ❥ drabble under the cut because it does include NSFW content!

why i matched you:

» i might be completely biased when saying this, but bokuto is literally the whole package when it comes to relationships. he will always be there for you, will always protect you, will love you unconditionally, etc. like there is not a single thing he wouldn’t do for you once you have him wrapped around your little finger.

» bokuto loves how passionate you are about your friends/family because he feels the same way about his loved ones. he knows you’d do anything for them, and finds it incredibly admirable that you’re willing to go through extreme lengths to protect them. he values loyalty a whole lot, so you’re a perfect partner for him in that aspect!

» your confidence and bravery are definitely somethings that attract him the most to you. we all know he’s got his lil’ “emo” moments, because in reality he does have the tendency to doubt himself and his abilities when faced with certain challenges he doesn’t know he’s ready for. but you’re always there to help him see how he is capable of facing those challenges! your own self confidence really pushes him to be the best he can possibly be, and he really idolizes you for that. even if there are times where you actually end up being the one to struggle, he’ll never fail to remind you how proud of you he is and how much he looks up to you!

» affectionate? bokuto’s got you covered. man LOVES having near constant skin-on-skin contact with you. whether it’s a hand wrapped around your waist/shoulders, fingers interlocked with his, or even resting his chin on your head, he’s gonna take advantage of any chance he gets to hold you. his favorite thing to do is come up behind you when you least expect it to wrap his arms around you, bury his nose in the crook of your neck, and whisper how much he missed you/loves you against your skin. the action never fails to make you smile.

» bokuto absolutely ADORES your aesthetic, he’s constantly in a state of “how can someone be so adorable yet so hot at the same time?”. because it’s true! your bad bitch persona really meshes well with your sweet n’ kind personality, and it definitely threw him for a loop at first. but now? baby he praises you CONSTANTLY. there’s not a day that goes by where he isn’t complimenting what you’re wearing, how your hair looks, how sharp your eyeliner is, etc. like he is your personal hypeman. and you DESERVE it.

» bokuto is really the kinda guy to keep you on your toes, but that’s just part of his appeal. there’s never a dull moment with him and he loves seeing you smile or giggle because of his antics. you really just make his heart melt like a marshmallow over a campfire with everything you do so he wants to make sure he’s enough for you with everything he does. he’s gonna give you his all no matter what - so make sure you’re prepared for that kinda commitment, because this boy will want to put a ring on your finger someday!

drabble:

“Kou, c’mon, I’m trying to finish this chapter!” You whine halfheartedly to your absolute brick wall of a boyfriend, who is currently laying open mouthed kisses at the space just between your neck and collarbone. Your attempts at pushing him away are futile, and you begin to wonder if he has always been this dense. Bokuto only chuckles at the gentle gasp you emit once his tongue pokes out to lave at your soft skin. Of course he would take advantage of your distraction with his muscular hold.

“Baby you’ve been saying that for the past half hour.” He shifts on the sofa to rest between your open legs, elbows perched on either side of you, thumbs doing god’s work at rubbing circles against your hips. You’d be lying if you said what he was doing wasn’t enticing, but…

“I-It’s just a long chapter, I can’t help it! Seriously, I only have a few more panels left.” Your bottom lip juts out into a pout, eyes wide in pleading. As antsy as Bokuto was to cover your entire body with his kisses, he can never say no to your sweet, sullen face. How could he? It always turns him into putty in your hands without fail. With a (fake) groan, he plants his cheek back against the surface between your breasts, arms looping around your frame just as they did before he started teasing you. That’s when an idea springs to the forefront of his mind. Oh, he’ll let you finish that chapter alright.

“Fine,” He huffs, turning his head so his chin is resting on your chest. His eyes burn into yours with a playful glint and an equally playful smirk plastered to his features, “you have 1 minute.”

“What?”

“Starting…” Bokuto’s grin grows impossibly wider, tongue peeking behind his pearly whites, “now.” And with that his skillful hands snake their way under your sweatshirt to feel as much of you as possible. Bokuto thanks his lucky stars that you opted out of wearing a bra today, making it much easier for him to trace his digits over your peaking nipples, calloused thumbs rolling sensually over each pebble. Your sharp intake of breath only spurs him on further - and your weak, breathy whimper encourages him to follow suit with his tongue trailing up your stomach, nimble fingers sliding the hem of your jumper upward to expose more of your heated skin to his merciless lips.

Suddenly the comic on your phone screen has no room for your attention as Bokuto’s ministrations demand all focus to his sinful lips, eliciting another mewl from your agape mouth. You quickly lock your screen and let your head fall back into the cushions once his tongue finally reaches your sensitive tits. The feeling only intensifies when he lets out another heated laugh in response, relishing in the way your back arches into him.

“Heh, that’s what I thought, baby.”

deadline for matchups is (08/29/20)! be sure to submit your entry before this date and check the tag #tumplaysmatchmaker to stay updated!

#tumplaysmatchmaker #bokuto koutarou x reader #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutaro #haikyuu matchup #haikyuu matchups #joonzreina #nishiikun’s events

20 notes · View notes

mediaevalmusereads · 4 years ago

Text

My Friend Dahmer. By Derf Backderf. New York: Abrams ComicArts, 2012.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: memoir, graphic novel

Part of a Series? No

Summary: In 1991, Jeffrey Dahmer — the most notorious serial killer since Jack the Ripper — seared himself into the American consciousness. To the public, Dahmer was a monster who committed unthinkable atrocities. To Derf Backderf, “Jeff” was a much more complex figure: a high school friend with whom he had shared classrooms, hallways, and car rides. In My Friend Dahmer, a haunting and original graphic novel, writer-artist Backderf creates a surprisingly sympathetic portrait of a disturbed young man struggling against the morbid urges emanating from the deep recesses of his psyche — a shy kid, a teenage alcoholic, and a goofball who never quite fit in with his classmates. With profound insight, what emerges is a Jeffrey Dahmer that few ever really knew, and one readers will never forget.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: ableism, allusions to animal harm/death, implication of murder

Overview: This graphic novel/memoir has been on my radar for a while, but I only recently picked it up for reasons I can’t quite articulate. I’m not sure what I was expecting - thrilling tale of teen psychosis, the makings of a depraved murderer, I don’t know. Perhaps my lack of concrete expectations served me well, since what I found in Backderf’s book was a sympathetic look at Jeffrey Dahmer as a teenager and all the warning signs that were ignored by the adults around him. In a way, it was a heartbreaking read. I don’t think Backderf was trying to excuse Dahmer’s crimes by showing that he only did it because he had a rough life. Rather, I think Backderf was trying to reconcile the “serial killer” Dahmer with the kid he actually knew in real life. For that, I’m giving this book 4 stars.

Writing/Art: Backderf’s art style is fairly “cartoony” in that it doesn’t try to have accurate proportions or imitate reality. Certain facial (or any anatomical) features are exaggerated and there’s a lot of heavy linework, which doesn’t quite communicate “horror” as one might expect about a tale about Jeffrey Dahmer. In a way, I think this works for the story Backderf is trying to tell: it almost seems absurd and grotesque that nothing was done to help Dahmer as a kid, and the art style embeds these feelings in the shapes and linework. One might also argue that the style almost seems juvenile (though it isn’t) and that quality enhances the fact that this story is being told through the eyes of a teenager.

Personally, though, Backderf’s style has never really been my aesthetic of choice, but that’s my personal preference and not a knock against the author/artist. If it works for you, that’s great.

In terms of narration, I liked that Backderf was honest about his impressions of Dahmer. At no point did he claim that he “always knew something was wrong about him,” nor did he seem to play up the proto-serial killer vibes. Instead, Backderf uses subtler, unsettling feelings that show something was “off” but not so “off” that they could have been expected to report Dahmer to the police or something. In a way, it’s fairly truthful and shows how sometimes, you can get a vibe off someone, but not really know what’s going on with them. It also reassured me that Backderf was writing not to somehow leech fame off of Dahmer (for whatever reason) but to work out his own emotions.

Plot: This graphic novel is divided into five parts, plus a prologue and epilogue, that each focus on certain aspects of Dahmer’s life. Part One establishes the setting and Dahmer’s home life; Part Two portrays Dahmer’s alcoholism and the rise of his darker urges, which he desperately tried to control; Part Three is about Dahmer’s relationship with Backderf and their antics at school; Part Four is about how the end of high school was a breaking point for Dahmer; and Part Five is a reflection on how Backderf and his friends left Dahmer behind and how that isolation allowed him to start killing.

I think the organization of these memories into separate sections worked well. Though they followed a loose chronology, I felt like each section had a theme or goal so that Dahmer’s story felt like it was progressing rather than just existing all at once. I appreciated the sympathetic lens that Backderf uses to tell his story; multiple times throughout the novel, he questions where the adults were and how it was easier to not make a fuss. I think, in doing this, Backderf communicates the difference in culture in the 1970s and avoids portraying himself and the literal kids around him as responsible for not stopping Dahmer.

The only thing that I think could have made this story a bit more “real” and grounded for me would be if Backderf had used more of Dahmer’s own words from interviews. To his credit, Backderf quotes Dahmer in a few places, such as the epilogue and at the beginning of Part One, but I think I would have liked to see Dahmer’s voice more often, or at least Backderf’s reactions to Dahmer’s voice more often. Backderf says in his author’s notes that his portrayal of Dahmer is constructed from his own memories and the memories of others who knew him, as well as from transcripts and recordings of interviews with Dahmer, but I wonder if more of Dahmer’s own voice could have been woven into the panels. To be fair, though, this book isn’t trying to illustrate Dahmer’s life from Dahmer’s point of view; it’s specifically a memoir about Backderf’s perception and relationship with him. But it would have been interesting, I think, to see if there was a disjoint between what Dahmer said about himself and what Backderf saw as a kid.

Characters: I hesitate to analyze the figures in this book as “characters” because they’re all real people. I don’t have the knowledge to determine if Backderf is “accurate” in his portrayal or not, but that wouldn’t be productive anyway, since the point of this book is to offer a perspective rather than an objective account.

Instead, I’ll use this space to communicate how certain figures come across to me as a reader. Dahmer is incredibly sympathetic, to an extent. Backderf does a good job of making him feel like an outcast and a loner at some moments and something of a lolcow at others, which seems consistent with accounts that state that Dahmer seemed to have friends but was actually very isolated. From these moments, I got the sense that Dahmer was suffering; rather than taking joy in his “perverse” urges, it felt like he did everything he could to suppress them until the only thing that kept him in check (high school social life) disappeared. As a whole, then, it seems like Dahmer was a kid in desperate need of help, but he didn’t live in a culture that could really do so. If that was Backderf’s goal, then he achieved it.

However, I do think Backderf toes a little too close to the line of portraying Dahmer as wholly sympathetic. To be fair, it’s a hard balance to strike - you want to condemn Dahmer’s later actions, but you also want to sympathize with the kid he was at the time before he started his killing spree. To address this, it might have been interesting to flash back and forth between Backderf’s high school memories and his impressions or emotions when learning about Dahmer’s crimes or arrest/trial, but I’m not sure if that would have been in line with what Backderf was trying to do. So, it’s just an idea.

Backderf and his friends come across as a little insensitive, but not in a malicious way. They never really clicked with Dahmer or considered him a friend, merely someone they occasionally hung out with and used for pranks (as in, they got Dahmer to pull pranks and laughed at his antics, they didn’t pull pranks on him). I don’t think I can fault Backderf for that - people aren’t obligated to connect with everyone, nor do I think its fair to ask why Backderf and his friends didn’t do anything. I did get the sense that there was some regret in Backderf’s account, perhaps some shame at the more tasteless things that passed as fun in the 1970s (making fun of people with cerebral palsy, doing a Hitler skit for the school variety show, etc. - some of this behavior is addressed in author’s notes). But I do think he communicated the divide between the world of teenagers and the world of adults, and how that kind of environment affected him and Dahmer differently.

TL;DR: My Friend Dahmer is a sympathetic account of Jeffrey Dahmer’s early life, told through the eyes of someone who knew him. Rather than thrilling readers with a proto-serial killer narrative, Backderf communicates how the environment of the 1970s prevented Dahmer from getting help, thereby showing how easy it was to miss the “warning signs.”

5 notes · View notes

tuz-on-ao3 · 4 years ago

Note

Hey, I was reading your fic (I really like it by the way! Sasuke's, my favorite character, and I think you wrote him really well :D), and I was wondering, what's your writing process? I know everyone has something different that works for them, but how do you plan out your chapters, or get ideas, or things like that (very vague, I know, I'm sorry)?

Hiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!! Thank you sugar plum for reading Maybe I’m Paying for the Things I’ve Done and liking my characterization of Sasuke, it’s very heartwarming and I appreciate it.

As for my writing process, oof. As you know everyone’s writing process is really different and it has been a joy to learn more about other people’s process to help figure out what works for me. This is something you can absolutely cherry pick with and try things out for the first time.

Timing: some people write better at certain points during the day, some people can start writing at 5am or write till 3am in the morning with a late start. I am a mix of both. I can start writing around 9am because that’s when my internal ticker is like “Let’s go to work now!” It’s just how my school and internship schedule line up. I also just write when I am bored(while in class sometimes) and late at night if I really have the momentum. Which happened for some of the chapters I have written for Maybe I’m Paying for the Things I’ve Done. So figure out what works for you. Also, timing myself sometimes helps, I use Pomodoro as a way to keep track of my work, I don’t necessarily take my short breaks.

Initial phase of writing: I draft first and I backwards outline as I go along and then I hit a wall. The idea circulates in the back of my mind and I either get a sense of a scene or a situation that I want the characters to go into and I start writing. Writing the story informs me where it’s going to go, it comes to me during the process. However, I will hit a wall. The fics I write are rarely short(shoutout to the people who can do short and sweet, your sense of pacing is unreal and I bow to your greatness) so there is a lot of worldbuilding, plot, and character development that needs to happen. Important thing to note, just because you are writing fanfiction doesn’t mean you can skip worldbuilding. It is very important!!!!!! It doesn’t need to be the crazy amount that I do but you need to set your reader up in a place and time so give some context.

Timeline: Things happen at certain places and times, and my characters will be a certain age when it happens, so I need to keep track. One of the walls I’ve hit is that for my current posted fic Sasuke spends time in jail, but how much time was not made clear in my non existent early planning and that changes the way things happen. And how old he is, and how much time should I spend on that prison sentence. If it was a long time then I need to talk about it as a life event that will have consequences throughout the entire fic, or if he was just detained until his lawyers came that changes Sasuke’s character. It also is a good way to talk about the criminal justice system of Konoha that I am making up. So I keep track of everyone’s ages, and birthdays, and sometimes I change them. I mean it is really hard for me to write baby ninja that go out into the battlefield when they are four years old and not make the entire fic about a shitty world like that. I don’t want to do that, it’s too fucking hard, and fluff feeds my soul. Also, seasons!!! That changes the way you set up your environment as well, from what I can tell Fire Country should have a monsoon season since they are so forested and are located near the equator of their world. So when that happens, if I decide to include that, is important for pacing of the story. I mean how long should this go on? Also, romance in the rain *hitn hint wink wink* who knows.

Outlining: I didn’t use to be an outline and to some extent I still am not. I have done a previous post explaining a little bit of it but I backwards outline to keep track of what is happening because it’s a lot of detail and I don’t want to make mistakes. However, spreadsheets are my jam. I didn’t use to be this way but my internship has changed me and now I like spreadsheets as a way to be organized. Huzzah *throws confetti in the air* to being a boring adult person! There are a couple of way to do this but first actual writing notes:

5 commandments of story

Inciting incident

Progressive complications

Crisis

Climax

Resolution

This is something that helped me a lot when it came to structure, because sometimes my plot points are all happening at the same time and I’m like this makes no goddamn sense, what is happening. Story Grid is a podcast, and a book, and a website that can help you talk about structure. They can also talk to you about the Hero's journey. Take or leave whatever works for you because a lot of their stuff doesn’t work for me. But in doing their spreadsheets and exercises I learned what doesn’t work in a story. It’s how I realized pacing was a problem in my writing, and that I needed to take time away.

So they have sample spreadsheets that break down books into scenes, turning points, characters on stage, etc. Take what works and leave what doesn’t.

Back to spreadsheets, I have a story grid one for Maybe I’m Paying for the Things I’ve Done which I will backwards outline for the chapters I have already posted and a weird visual index card thing with the five commandments on my computer to help me figure out what is happening in my story.

It looks kind of like five boxes side by side with the five commandments written on each one.

Sometimes there is more than one box for progressive complication and that is fine, it is also fine if every scene you write doesn’t have a resolution, because by the end of the fic you will have one. I split this up by chapter, expected word count, POV.

Word count: Some people care about this, some people don’t. I don’t write stuff for ‘Maybe’ that is less than 10000 each chapter, there is way too much going on in the fic to do short chapters. For my other works in progress I find that I will be writing shorter, which is both easier and harder because it needs me to be concise and clear. Anyway, I do take notes from Story Grid in this because 50% of my words have to be for my middle build, while 25% each go to the opening hook and to the ending payoff. A scene is about 1200-2000 words.

Wiggle Room: Shit happens, you don’t do as much one day and you do a lot another. It’s okay, your story will evolve at certain points, it will tell you what to do. Don’t worry about it that much.

Struggle/villainy: Protagonists are often defined by their antagonists, and if that is the type of story you are writing make sure you spend just as much time on the villain of your story as you do the hero. They are major actors and deserve the attention. When I talk about the Akatsuki I am thinking that they are an international terrorist organization hellbent on kidnapping people that are systematically treated as weapons. There are a lot of moving parts for this. Also the characters themselves, Pein and Konana are radicalized in my story from peaceful revolutionaries to violent ones because they watched the leader of an institution murder their best friend, that will cause personal and political damage. It informs the way I write them or will.

Sasuke's struggle isn’t necessarily against a person, it is against himself. He wants a home because when he was little the one place where he felt safe was violated by his own brother, that is a hell of a trauma. Then he left his former home to go to Oto. Place has a huge part to play in Sasuke’s characterization and I tag homemaking in my fic because I want to show the process of creating a home for yourself as a process of revival and change and hope and vulnerability. It is a huge emotional labor of love and will be a focal point in the fic. That’s why I spend so much time talking about these goddamn renovations and art deco, it matters. This is a boy who has traveled all over the world and is now trying to put all the pieces of himself into one place, how he does it will be incredibly revealing of his characters.

Character: Emotional arcs are important for everyone. Try to figure out what your character is going to go through. It helps so much. Victoria Schwab asks her characters three questions:

What do they fear?

What do they want?

What are they willing to do to get what they want?

See if this helps. Also, understand that you got to develop your side characters as well, they act as a foil for the main character and add richness to the story, you will notice if they are flat. Understand the dynamics they bring to the story and to the world. Are they a woman in a field that is more socially acceptable for men? How does that affect them? What does gender look like in this world and how does this affect your characterization? Have they gone through physical/emotional trauma? Because that shit will keep coming up in a story, healing takes time. Also this is a fanfic, do whatever you want honey bear.

Vocab: the lovely @slexenskee told me to have a running doc of vocabulary and I am trying to do that.

I also have a running doc for a fic/character where I put all my brainstorming, little scenes, lines, vibes, questions into. And a doc for the synopsis of any new fic ideas I get.

Inspiration: Read, a lot. I read fics, I read fiction and fantasy books, I read non fiction and I read about other people’s writing process. I read the news, I read twitter threads, I read random quotes on Pinterest. I watch tv shows and take note of how they do characterization or pacing or plot. I listen to music, I couldn’t live without it. I am on Pinterest looking for vibes or aesthetics for my fics. When I first started writing, since my fic was inspired by another fic, I was worried it would be too similar, that worry is fading because I am doing more writing, and more reading as well. But you must consume culture in order to produce it. Also take breaks, sometimes you figure stuff out if you leave it alone or talk to friends about it. If you reach out to me about it, I will do my best to help so feel free.

IMPORTANT: DO NOT BE A RACIST/HOMOPHOBIS/TRANSPHOBIC/MISOGYNIST. UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN YOU WRITE A FANFICTION THE CHARACTERS ARE CODED IN A CERTAIN WAY. DON’T GO AROUND MAKING PEOPLE OF COLOR WHITE OR MORE LIGHT SKINNED THAN THEY ARE. WOMEN AND NON BINARY PEOPLE EXIST ALWAYS, IF YOU ARE NOT WRITING THEM INTO YOUR WORLD THAT MEANS YOU ARE MARGINALIZING THEM IN YOUR WORLD AND IN YOUR MIND. IF YOU ARE CISGENDERED BE DAMN CAREFUL ABOUT WRITING TRANS NARRATIVES, PROBABLY DON’T. WHEN I DECIDED TO INCLUDE MY OWN CULTURE INTO SASUKE’S CHARACTER AND PAST I DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE HIM LESS EAST ASIAN BUT TO ADD PARTS OF MYSELF TO THE WORLD. ACCEPT AND ADAPT TO CRITICISM COMING YOUR WAY IN THIS SENSE. I AM SURE YOU WILL BE FINE, THIS IS JUST A STANDARD DISCLAIMER.

This was really long, and I hope you won't mind. Thanks again for this question, and let me know how your writing goes. Also listen to Deadline City the podcast.

#answers #fic writing #process #naruto

2 notes · View notes

ladyofpurple · 5 years ago

Note

answer all of the questions!!

holy SHIT ok bless you omg

(sorry it's a full day late i took this shit SERIOUSLY. don't ask me how many hours this took, i was in A Mood™️ last night. removed the ones already answered xoxo)

angel; have you ever been in love?

yeah. didn't end too well, but i loved him.

petal; favorite novel and author?

this is like asking me to pick a favorite child. i guess favorite author would be stephen king, if only based entirely on the sheer quantity of his books i own alone. favorite book would probably be special topics in calamity physics by marisha pessl, and i'm only saying that because it's been my go-to response for years. i have lots of favorite books. ask me again in five minutes and i'll give you another one.

honey perfume; favorite perfume/scent?

freshly made coffee. lilacs. jasmine. cut grass. the ground after it rains. chocolate chip cookies in the oven. cigarette smoke on skin. my mom's shampoo. my grandma. my dog when he's just had a bath. thanksgiving dinner. acrylic paint on canvas. sawdust. that one cologne i can't name but can smell on a guy from a mile away. mulled cranberry and apple juice. vanilla. coconut. fresh laundry. peppermint.

sweet pea; what’s your zodiac?

virgo sun, pisces moon, scorpio rising ✨

softie; talk about your sexuality.

i'm biromantic asexual, primarily attracted to men more than women (but have had too many crushes on girls to consider myself het), generally sex repulsed when it comes to the thought of having it myself. i prefer to call myself queer in passing conversation, it's easier than explaining asexuality and the differences between sexual and romantic attraction. if someone asks more specifically, i'll usually just call myself bi for simplicity's sake, even though the ace part is a much more important (to me) part of my identity. monogamous as fuck.

i'm still struggling with internalized homophobia and a lot of "am i even queer enough" thoughts, which is super fun. took me a long time to even consider the fact that i might like girls at all. i'll probably never come out to my parents. not that they'd, like, disown me or whatever, but they're juuuuust homophobic/transphobic enough that my few attempts to educate them when they say something A Little Yikes have shown me that i should probably just stay in the closet unless i absolutely have to come out. like i'm getting married to a woman or something.

sugarplum; what’s the color of your eyes and hair?

i usually say my eyes are green because it's easier, and they mostly are, but i have rings of greyish blue around the irises and sometimes they're more hazel in the middle. they always have a green tint to them though, even if the intensity of the green varies.

my natural hair is brown, a little on the darker and slightly ashy side of completely generic. currently a former blonde, although i'm hoping to bleach my fucking YEAR of growout soon, and then go some crazy color as a last hurrah before i have to go dark again. being broke fucking sucks.

wings; coffee or tea?

tea!! black tea. chai, to be specific, with an irresponsible amount of milk and sugar. chai lattes are a fucking drug okay? coffee makes me sick (not a judgement, a literal fact. last time i tried some i threw up).

fairytale; are you a cat or dog person?

cat!! but my family has a chihuahua named sonny and you can pry that little monster from my cold dead hands ok i will fight you.

snowflake; favorite time period?

okay, i wrote and rewrote my answer to this about 10 times. then i tried to divide it up into categories (aesthetics, history, fashion, vibes, geographical location, etc), but that didn't help. so basically: i don't have one, because i have too many.

i like the american 20s-60s for the aesthetic, music/movies, and the fashion. i also like the european 1600s-1800s for the interesting history and also vibe. i love the french and russian revolutions — the fashion! the art! the wars and political upheaval! I FUCKING LOVE HISTORY. then, of course, we can't forget the rennaisance. or the witch trials (pick your continent). and ancient greece? the roman empire? hello?? did i mention empires? how bout we mosy on over to south america — can i interest you in the mayans? incans? aztecs? what about china and japan? korea? vietnam? and don't even get me fucking STARTED on the black plague.

ancient egypt? sign me the FUCK UP. vikings? yes please. the celts? oh boy. the MYTHOLOGY. the ARCHITECTURE. the LANGUAGES and POLITICS and LITERATURE and REVOLUTIONS and GOD HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN ANY OF THESE

i uh. might have gotten a little excited. basically i like history a lot. and mythology. and linguistics. and cultural practices. and the politics and prejudices behind wars and stuff. and learning in general. moving on.

vanilla; do you believe in ghosts?

let's put it this way: i don't not believe in ghosts??

listen. we don't know jack shit. we don't know what happens after we die, there are constant scientific revelations that turn our understanding of the universe completely upside-down, and there is literally no way to know which religions or myths or urban legends could have some grain of truth to them. like, dude, i've literally thought i was haunted before. psychology is bananas and the universe is infinite.

demons could be real. ghosts could be real. what if we just haven't invented the necessary technology to prove it yet? what if we never do, and they just fuck around alongside us, moving furniture and making shadow puppets on the walls just for kicks until the earth explodes? what if that one tumblr post was right and ghosts are actually real people from alternate universes or timelines that we see accidentally bc some cosmic wires got crossed? who fucking knows.

i love horror movies and scary stories and ghost hunter shows just as much as the next gal. but listen. psychics? mediums? people who accept every single creepypasta retold third-hand from their neighbor's kid's classmate's second cousin who "totally knows a guy"? doubt.jpeg

i don't understand the sheer amount of assumptions made willy-nilly about the nature of ghosts and demons and things that go bump in the night. the assumption that "oh this machine that totally doesn't look like a coathanger taped to a walkman will work because ghosts have this temperature and can always communicate like this and are electromagnetic" or whatever just baffles me. to a certain degree, following a general consensus is one thing — some basic things everyone can agree on? that's cool. ghosts can walk through walls and are probably dead people or whatever. but oh my god, taking every single story as absolute, undeniable proof?? taking these stories and expanding on them to infer intentions and scientific facts to something that by it's very nature is unknowable and assuming, like, every spirit is created equal?? and yeah, ghost hunting shows are fun and campy and kinda creepy but like. you really, genuinely don't think any of them have ever faked anything at all??? even if ghosts are real, it's fucking reality tv, my dude. it's the entertainment industry. at least maintain the slightest ounce of critical thought before taking zak bagans' word as the goddamn gospel.

and sidenote, maybe it's just my limited exposure as a white woman in the western world, but of all the shows and podcasts and movies and documentaries and whatnot i've been able to find and consume, there's the constant use of christian ideology applied to every situation that just really burns my bacon. what, there's never been an atheist ghost? if you see a shadow person and you don't know the lord's prayer by heart, are you automatically fucked? why are there never stories about, i don't know, viking ghosts? does your religion in life preclude you from becoming a ghost in the first place? is that why people never mention buddhist ghosts? i don't get it, and that's why even though i'm self-admittedly the most superstitious person i've ever met, true believers make me roll my eyes so hard they almost fall out. makes me come across as more skeptical than i theoretically am. I HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS OK

but like, you couldn't pay me to fuck with a ouija board. i'm not stupid.

delicate; diamonds or pearls?

both have their appeal and their place, but diamonds, i guess. i like the sparkle. but fake ones!! or synthetic. diamonds are overpriced and artificial scarcity is a scam and i don't need a dumb rock that some poor person in a mine somewhere was exploited and possibly died for. no blood diamonds in this house, thank you very much.

if i ever get engaged, i don't want a diamond ring. i'd want something cool, a little unusual, like a ruby or a sapphire or some other sparkly gem that isn't literally shoved in your face every waking moment as the expected standard symbol of True Love. they're cheaper, they're cool-looking, as a ring they still hold the cultural symbolism of an engagement/wedding ring. and honestly, as long as it's well-made and durable, whatever hypothetical gem it is doesn't have to be real either. i'm a woman of simple needs and demonstrably low standards. no point in going into debt for a fucking piece of jewelry, regardless of ~tradition~.

lavender dream; favorite album?

oh lord. welcome to the black parade, i guess. or anything by panic! at the disco. there are dozens of possible options — my interests are mercurial and my memory is garbage. but i'll always be an emo little shit. black parade and vices and virtues were also the first two albums i ever listened to where i loved every single song on them, and i happened to listen to them for the first time at around the same point in my life (i got into mcr super late. like, 2012 late. rip).

silky; what’s your biggest dream?

it's cheesy but i guess i just want stability and, by extension, happiness. emotional stability, mental stability, financial stability, stable living situation, stable routines, stable relationships... you get the idea. i have ambitions and passions, of course, but my ultimate goal is happiness at this point in my life, and i'm pretty sure stabilizing all those things would go a pretty long way in achieving that goal.

a little apartment with walls i can paint because white walls make me angry. bookshelves and posters and fandom merch on every wall. a computer i can actually play games on again, and somewhere i can paint and draw and record my podcasts. someone who loves me, maybe. a cat, if i'm stable enough. space for people to come visit me, and a place for them to sleep if they need. a tiny balcony, if i really want to shoot for the stars. a job i don't hate. the spoons to hang out with my friends, and the money to not worry about buying little presents for the people i care about sometimes. i don't need much.

strawberry kiss; do you have a crush right now?

nope.

glitter; favorite fictional character?

another loaded question. like books, if you ask me again in five minutes i'll probably give you a different answer. but in this particular moment, caleb and jester from critical role (please don't make me choose between them). i won't go full shipping mode rn, but jester is so funny and silly and sweet, so much more complex than she seems, and she tries so hard to make everyone happy even when she's so sad inside. the healer who treats healing as an inconvenience in battle (she's so fucking valid and also mood), the glue that keeps the party together. and caleb learning to trust again, facing his trauma and coming out of his shell. he loves his friends so much he plays wizard as a support class and i love him so much.

i love the mighty nein in general, of course, and all the guests/honorary members they've had. pumat!! pls don't be evil reani!! keg!! shakäste and grand duchess anastasia!! cali!! kiri!!!! the brotps! empire siblings! chaos crew! nott the best detective agency! i still love molly and all his assholery to bits (fight me), and mourn his lost potential. i adore yasha, even when she's gone; fjord has grown so much; beau and nott and caduceus — i love all their flaws and disagreements and their character arcs and the excitement of watching them grow and learn. but if i had to choose, caleb, jester and molly have always been my top 3 since day 1 and, well, molly isn't really an option anymore.

but like i said, ask me again in a minute. i have a fucking list.

swan; share a quote or passage that means something to you.

a collection of things off the top of my head:

Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition. — Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen

a tired feminist Mood™️

"What I say is, a town isn't a town without a bookstore. It may call itself a town, but unless it's got a bookstore, it knows it's not foolin' a soul." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

i got my love of books from my grandma — some of my favorites i got from her. sometimes, as a treat, she used to take my sister and i to bookstores and we'd stay there for ages, getting to pick one out, roaming the shelves, the mental torture of having to choose. the peace of being surrounded by thousands of potential worlds, so much information, so many stories just waiting to be told; being surrounded by strangers who share that same wonder. the anxious drive home so we could read them, being unable to wait that long so i inevitably start reading in the car and make myself sick. telling her in excited detail all my favorite parts. if we were lucky, maybe we got to split a bear claw, or she'd drive past starbucks and get us something there too (tall vanilla soy steamer with one pump of vanilla syrup, whipped cream on top that always melted too quickly and squirted out the hole in the lid, so hot it burned my tongue but so good i didn't care). i have never felt more at home than i do when i'm surrounded by books.

"There are a lot of different types of freedom. We talk about freedom the same way we talk about art, like it was a statement of quality rather than a description. “Art” doesn’t mean good or bad. Art just means art. It can be terrible and still be art. Freedom can be good or bad, too. There can be terrible freedom. You freed me, and I didn’t ask you to." — Alice Isn't Dead, season 1, chapter 2: Alice

as cringey as it is to admit it, this line made me cry a lot after my breakup.

"So you aren't American?" asked Shadow.

"Nobody's American," said Wednesday. "Not originally. That's my point." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

[side-eyes white america real hard]

there's more, of course. there's always more. don't even get me started on song lyrics, we'll be here all day.

lace; what’s your favorite plant/flower?

lilacs and roses.

mermaid; do you prefer the forest or the ocean? why?

both, i guess. but in different ways, and in different circumstances.

the sea is wild. it is endless and deep and unknowable. it is beautiful and dangerous. i am terrified of the ocean, and yet my favorite place in the world is an empty beach on the oregon coast. i have picked sand from between my toes for days with hair crusted in salt, danced around bonfires and watched the stars while marshmallows burn, gotten pulled under the waves as a child and nearly swept out to sea. picked starfish and crabs from small pools in the rocks, and swum (accidentally) with wild sea lions. in a long skirt, too early in the year to be swimming, i once took off my shoes and waded fully clothed into the water to my waist and just... danced. splashed and kicked and laughed with a boy i barely knew until our throats were sore and our toes were numb, walking home hours later with our soaked clothes clinging to our legs, shoes squelching, dripping algae as we went. the ocean is freeing and overwhelming all at once. i love it and am petrified by it in equal measure.

the forest is beautiful in a different way. it is silent and dense and serene. you are surrounded by life and yet, somehow, completely alone. there is magic in the forest, and history, and even when all else dies, that will remain. the trees grow from the corpses of their ancestors, and some have lived dozens of our lifetimes — with luck, a few dozen more. it is quiet there, peaceful, even the tiniest wood in the middle of a city muffling the outside world through the trees. you can feel the ancient ways deep in your soul as you follow winding paths strewn with fallen leaves, the mystery and wonder and superstitions of your forefathers. you wonder what it would be like, to run your fingers over the moss, to take off your shoes and socks and just run, leaping and dancing over rocks and roots, hair wild and air filling your lungs in deep, pure gulps as you shed the responsibilities and struggles of modern life, for just a moment remembering what freedom tastes like. it is primal, this connection to nature, one we have nearly forgotten over time. and as the sky grows dark and the silence of night presses against you, shadows looming, every footfall deafening, perhaps you begin to understand why some believed in monsters.

honeymoon; do you keep a journal?

i used to. honestly, that's a good idea, i should start doing that again. lord knows i have enough empty journal-type books.

starlight; do you believe in love at first sight and soulmates? why/why not?

i want to. i want to believe there's someone out there for me, the love of my life, someone to whom i'll be the love of their life, and that when i meet them i'll just... know.

but when i met my ex, i didn't really look twice at him for a while — no love at first sight. and when we were together, when i loved him and he swore he loved me back, i thought he hung the stars in the sky and knew i would marry him someday. couldn't even consider the idea that that wouldn't happen. and then when he broke up with me, he ghosted me so suddenly and thoroughly that he even preemptively cut contact with every single one of our mutual friends he thought might side with me in the breakup, before anybody even knew we'd had a fight. so, not soulmates either.

i really want to believe that someday the perfect romance will just fall into place and i can have the happily ever after i've always dreamed of. but the reality is i might never even have another s.o. for the rest of my life. maybe i'll get hit by a car tomorrow, or my hypothetical soulmate moves to argentina to become an alpaca farmer on a mountain somewhere and we never even meet. maybe i'm so traumatized by the betrayal and lies that i'll never have the courage to even try again.

and even so, happily ever after doesn't have to include a fairytale romance, regardless of whether i want it or not. i still like to cling to that hope though, deep down.

princess; what do you value most in people?

i'm going to assume you mean "real people" as in people i have positive relationships with, and not random strangers on the street.

loyalty. kindness. support. humor. similar values. patience. being able to grow together and teach each other things, so we can make each other better. honesty. trust. compassion. confidence. emotional vulnerability. communication. intelligence, or at least a willingness to learn. strength.

#nobody asked me to go this hard and yet here we are #my favorite pasttimes: talking about myself and being pretentious on main #Lady answers stuff #anon good nurse #Lady of Purple's slice of life #ask meme

6 notes · View notes

maramalene · 6 years ago

Text

Reflection: What have you learned about street photography?

Having to meet people in the street, make them open up to me and share a piece of their reality with me, and to ask them to let me take their picture - this proved more demanding of me than I initially thought. The assignment caused interesting difficulties, both in terms of technical and interpersonal challenges.

I am shy and introvert of nature, and simply due to this, the task of walking up to people on the street did not come natural to me. I believe that a certain “Scandinavian habitus” within me strengthened my sense of being an “intruder.” I felt at times that I would invade the person’s personal space. Perhaps a part of this was also due to me projecting my own need of privacy on to the people I approached? Evidently, the fact that Egyptians are known to be generally very suspicious of people taking pictures in the street, and the fact that you actually, by law, need permission to do so, also contributed to my feelings of unease.

However, when I had overcome the worst initial feelings of insecurity, it became easier each time to approach people. I realized also that what I got from an encounter, conversation, and a picture, was proportional to the time that I put in, the degree of being comfortable I felt myself, and the vibe I may have sent off. At least, it seemed that the stories people were willing to share with me became gradually more intriguing, detailed, and colorful, as I came to grow more comfortable with the assignment and the entire thing myself. One of my first encounters were with a young man - I asked if I could take his picture, and sure I could, but the way he would pose for me, be concerned with his looks, made me think afterwards, that I simply hadn’t given our relationship enough time to grow a stronger sense of intimacy and rapport. In the pictures I took of him, he seemed closed-off, bearing a facade of toughness that showed through his posture and in his eyes. What would have come out of it, I wonder, if I had spent an hour getting to know him, instead of talking with him for ten minutes? What if he had been more relaxed? What if he had trusted me more, or simply liked me more? The quality of your images when doing this kind of street photography - encountering strangers in the street - perhaps has to do with the degree that you are able to seem a non-stranger yourself to them.

Shooting pictures at nighttime, at Khan El-Khalili, made me become aware of the need for an entire other “technical intuition” relative to when shooting in daylight. It is skills that I lack but that I am keen on improving. In order to become a really good street photographer, you need to develop an, ideally, intuitive sense for framing, timing, and technical adjustment - a “rapidness”. To learn how to adjust the entire constellation of shutterspeed, aperture, ISO etc. when being “on the run” and simply “as you go”, takes time, I guess. Although I spent hours at Khan el-Khalili, my inexperience with street photography, night-time shooting, and lack of technical “rapidness” in general, resulted in that I actually did not manage to shoot any photos of a mininum quality at all.

Calling it street photography is in a sense slightly misleading. I think that the thing we tend to call ‘street photography’ can take be carried out in many other places than the street. Rather than designating where this kind of photography took place, the ‘street’ points to exactly this, a certan kind: A certain approach - a mentality and a way of working. Furthermore, this relates to certain ‘values’, ideas of what is important, interesting or intriguing; street photographers may subscribe to a particular preferred ‘aesthetic’ or to a particular vision.

And what are these then?

We get a clue to this, when we bear in mind that street photography is sometimes also called ‘candid photography’ - and I like this expression better because it captures better what this kind of photography is all about.

The candid pictures are unstyled. No arrangement of objects or subjects within a given setting is prepared beforehand. The street photographer wanders through cityscapres, or through landscapes, through neighborhoods or rural countryside - simply whereever people and life and stories of the everyday are. I imagine the street photographer as a flaneur wandering through the small streets of early 18th century Paris. He may spend hours ike this, because he has this great love for all curiosities, colors, and the richness of the life of the city and its people. He takes it all in.

Street photography’s “aesthetic” may be not having one - at least not in the strict sense of the word. The vibe of the candid photograph is the immediate, unmediated - and, as a result, it captures the raw and the flawed, the messy and the random. The “beauty” of candid photography is therefore the straightforward truthfulness of the everyday.

Through street photography, we may come to see that “the everyday” is not a singular thing.

The candid street photography has a potential when it comes to photojournalistic storytelling and documentation, as witness and as testimony to whatever happens in the world, and to whatever the reality looks like at a given place, at a given point in time, from a single point of view.

The very same features of street photography that makes the practice what it is, also give rise to precarious ethical issues, regarding rights of privacy and property, as well as concerns of security and safety. When reporters or photographers go to warzones and other areas marked by conflict; when they document precarious conditions, destruction, people’s poverty and suffering; and when they walk out to these realities, point their lense at it, and then leave again To what degree are we then talking about carrying out the noble task of letting the world now what is going on? To what degree is it justifiable, or questionable, to document other’s suffering for the sake of “enlightenment”, when not taking any immediate or direct action towards betterment oneself? What kind of ethical resonsibility and obligations does one have, towards whom and what? And what does it actually do to us when we are confronted with images like these? Do the images actually ignite solidarity and sense of commitment, or are we made “emotionally numb” towards the suffering of others when bombarded with it through our screens? In “Regarding the Pain of Others,” Susan Sontag raised questions like these - and so have many others, and the issues continue to cause controversy.

It is evident, however, that street photography is an interesting thing, as photojournalism, as an art form, and “existentially” as well. Street photography does expand our horizons, as it prompts us - both the photographer taking the picture and those looking at it - to pay attention to the world, the peoples, and scenes around us. The street phtographer recognizes the richness of all the different positionalities that constitue a given locality - he goes to look for the stories of people, the rythms and peculiarities of one’s everyday; the tales of destiny, the life lessons, and insights that are everywhere. Those that cause wonder and bewilderment. Sometimes compassion. Sometime smiles and moments of mutual understanding, recognition, learning. More often than not, people will enjoy sharing them with you and let you in. Street photography, when it is good, builds relationships and connections like that. And for this reason, interestingly, the same art form and journalistic practice that is sometimes called “inhumane” in its exploitation of suffering or violation of rights, can just as meaningfully be considered humanistic at its core. Because of its love for people, everyday life, and the relationships between us that make us who we are.

1 note · View note

rumygunbitchorwhat · 7 years ago

Text

Lana Del Rey - Grazia (France) - July 2017

A rough translation of the Grazia interview, which was originally translated in French so a few things might have been lost in the process.

Interviewer: When did you start working on this new album [Lust For Life]?

Lana Del Rey: The day I finished the last one, Honeymoon. It must have been in August, two years ago. I was happy I had recorded an album which has more rock vibes, Ultraviolence, and then one with more blues, one which is sadder, Honeymoon. I felt like I needed to go back to the 60’s and the 70’s, with more pop inclinations. I thought about the Shangri-Las, their harmonies, their playful spirit. Then, after achieving the three quarters of the record, I also felt like doing something more folk, deeper in my heart. I had Joni Mitchell’s Court and Spark in mind. Eventually, I listened to a lot of the Beatles and that’s why I asked Sean Lennon (Yoko and John Lennon’s only son) to sing with me. This is why this album, unlike the others, had more shifts and switches.

Int: You change perspective, points of view?

LDR: Exactly. I grow up with my records, I feel a shift inside and I try to do a chronicle of it. Earlier today, I was listening to one of my tracks, Beautiful People, and words like “blood” or “planet” struck me: I had never used them before. I feel like I’m seeing things with more distance, without completely detaching myself from it. I’m happy about that.

Int: You talk about Joni Mitchell. What do you borrow from her?

LDR: Her way of telling stories. How she expresses her inwardness and the dialogues she has with herself. I like the fact that she was a painter but she couldn’t help but become a musician. And then, I love the region of Laurel Canyon. With my friends, Jonathan Wilson and Father John Misty, we established a true musical community, sort of like the one Joni and her friends had.

Int: Honeymoon was a bit cathartic. It ended with a cover of Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood, like the full stop of something. Was there a new beginning after it?

LDR: I liked the idea of doing a Nina Simone cover and more specifically this song and its message; I often hoped not to be misunderstood, while not knowing what to do to avoid it. This last year, I realized that people judge me for the wrong reasons. They prejudge me a lot. It took me seven years to learn how to deal with it. There were frustrating moments, obviously, especially after the first album. Afterwards, it didn’t really matter anymore.

Int: Do you feel lonely? Have you ever felt the need to be guided?

LDR: I have, I didn’t know what it was like to be guided. But during the past two years in LA, I met a lot of good musicians, I felt a sort of familiarity (camaraderie) with them. Suddenly, I had more people around me, people to call, to tell about what I had just done and ask them how their week went as well. I don’t put things in front of the mirror anymore. Half of the songs have something light in them, they’re less reflective and less about the way I see myself. I didn’t really address a particular audience in the previous records. But this year, I wanted to change my point of view, to speak to others, to a younger generation. That’s what must happen when you grow older…

Int: Do you observe the others more?

LDR: I’m more settled in reality. I go out, I blend more with the others. After having been too intellectual, too existentialist… Although, compared to my friends, I’m the most quiet. I don’t have to make myself heard excessively anymore.

Int: Tomorrow Never Came recalls the Beatles. We hear you sing with Sean Lennon. How did you get the idea?

LDR: I sang the chorus to my producer and he added a few chords. I thought about T. Rex, and I was looking for something more relaxed, more live. It led me to a melody resembling the Beatles. I asked someone to get me Sean Lennon’s number; I wanted to have his voice with mine. We facetimed, and it worked right away between us. He was very encouraging.

Int: The song seems to reflect on a rough time, which is behind you now though…

LDR: Yes, absolutely. Without being able to say what it is, though. That’s why I didn’t want to sing it alone. Aesthetically, I wanted this title to have a 60’s sound, completely, without any modern mediation. It really mattered to me because it fully fit in with me, and I wanted to express it that way, directly.

Int: One track, God Bless America, is about the USA. It is political and in relation to the election of Donald Trump. How do this era and politics influence you?

LDR: The song is about America and the women in it. In the studio, where I go every day, I have conversations about the country with my producer and my sound engineers… And it all just sort of came out. I didn’t feel like I had to say something but it would have been weird if I hadn’t. That was my feeling. It was also about me going out more, listening and talking about it. One thing that always came up with my friends was whether or not it was time to move to Paris! It was our favorite brunch conversation after the election. I especially felt the tremor, the fact that American women were mobilizing against everything that was said.

Int: We can see you’re freer in this album, not quite the tormented lover anymore.

LDR: In the previous albums, I felt split into two parts, torn. Then, I took position, chose easier ways, not to be confronted to difficult experiences anymore. I decided to have more friends, more fun.

Int: What sparked that decision?

LDR: All my previous bad experiences came back to me all of a sudden. And I had enough. I decided to change. And there wasn’t a thing this year I wasn’t certain about. It’s new for me. Something in my personal life changed and it led to a musical shift. And it was for the best, in the right artistic direction. To be in a relationship, it’s very energizing at first. But when the end comes near, only the negative energy remains… And I don’t want to go through that again. In this particular case, if I had known before that it would be this way, I would have run right away. I lived the same thing too many times, even with friends and professional relationships: from now on, I’ll never let anyone surreptitiously take control of who I am anymore. I’ll run at the first sign a relationship can become this bad. That said, sometimes, you have to go and reach the end of things, you have to be able to finish a record, a love affair…

Int: Did you ever have to fight for your integrity?

LDR: To take the right decisions, yes, but never to be the person I am. That was established from the start. When I wrote Video Games, I had to be strong and assured, I sang very directly. Now, I feel different. Back then, that’s what made me happy because that’s all I knew. But it wasn’t enough.

Int: Do you still have some tutelary figures?

LDR: I was lucky to read Bob Dylan, to understand his process and his way of doing things. I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with him… He’s my hero. And I want to clarify, I am in no way putting myself at his level. He’s all the way up there for me. Like Kurt Cobain, despite his sad passing: his way of capturing melodies which seem to come out of the air around you… It’s the ultimate cool.

#Lana Del Rey #lust for life #lfl #grazia

228 notes · View notes

stephicness · 8 years ago

Note

I work so hard on my gifs and edits but barely get any notes. It's so discouraging. How do you make so pretty gifs? When I feel great about mine - I get nothing. :(

Dear anon, as corny as it is for me to say – and perhaps the most unhelpful thing as well – the best way to not get discouraged about notes is to ultimately not worry how many notes your post gets. Because in the end, it’s a creation that you enjoy first of all. Sharing it with others is just a benefit in the long run. Making a pretty gif set, in my opinion, is super subjective. Some people might think that one gif set is the prettiest thing in the world, while another might go ‘Hm… I’m not diggin’ it.’ And that’s okay! Art, beauty, it’s all unique to the person who browses and looks at gif sets in general. c:

It sounds super lame of me to say, but so long as you’re happy with what you made, does it really matter if your set gets alot of notes? I mean, my favorite edit of all time that I did is a nobody compared to my usual gif sets. But it’s a special edit that sticks close in my heart that I love. I think that’s rewarding to have finished it and know that ‘Hey. I made this! I’m happy about it! C:’ The idea of other people liking it too makes you feel nice, but they don’t need to be your only source of validation.

But, besides the pep talk, I can give you a few tips on how you might be able to get your edits out there a bit more? Not necessarily will this get you notes all the time every time, but there’s all sorts of ways you can at least spread them about and share them for people to look at them! Here’s a small list of tips:

1) TAG ALL THE THINGS!

This. This. THIS. Tagging is by far one of the most important things you can do to get your posts out there more! Tag your posts by the game title, the things it’s often abbreviated as, the characters in your edits, their nicknames – tags, tags, tags! Tags for days! Honestly, tagging things is so important! Because when you tag things, it’s a much higher chance that someone else will be able to find what you made when browsing through tumblr. They might be searching for a specific tag, a specific character, a specific ship, and so your post will most likely appear if you tag it the appropriate things!

Even more is that sometimes, people also can subscribe to certain tags to have instant access to their search or even have newer and popular posts in that tag appear on their dashboard! I personally have the ‘Ravus Nox Fleuret’ tag and a few others I follow specifically, so I always get to see what’s new for my favorite man and my ships. So by tagging your edits and posts, you’ll be able to have a farther reach with your edits for people to find!

This comes with a warning though, however: there is nothing more annoying than finding a misplaced post amongst the tags. Like, how weird would it be for you if you were browsing through the ‘Ignis Scientia’ tag and suddenly there’s a post talking about how much someone really loves the Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Like, no relevance at all on the outside or inside. It’s just there? It’s strange and odd, and honestly, it appears more disorganized than anything. So be careful on how you tag your things!

If push comes to shove, just remember to tag it with these: personal tags (my edits, personal comments, etc), the fandom name and abbreviations, the character names (full and/or short, it’s up to you), and perhaps a tag for the reference you made in your gifset.

I also recommend having an internal tagging system on your blog too, if you don’t have one already in place. Tagging systems are important for blog navigation, especially for incoming followers! That way, they can come browse through your other edits, posts you have in regards to fandoms, characters, and topics they like, and more! A tag system is really important to have for the sake of organizing everything for you and your followers!

2) Finding the Right Fanbase

It’s probably a self-explanatory thing, but more popular fandoms and more popular characters will most likely get more notes than less popular ones. If you’re seeking notes, then you might find yourself perhaps wanting to use a more popular subject for your gif sets. After all, Noctis will probably always get more notes than Dave if you try to pit them against each other.

But will he get more popular than Ardyn? Well, it’s subjective too. You can make an edit of a popular character from a popular fandom, and it’ll definitely get more notes. But that’s because you’re appealing to different fanbase as a whole. Noctis is well-liked, for example, among most of the Final Fantasy XV fandom, so he’s generally going to get more attention of it all. Meanwhile, if you take another character like Ardyn, for example, you might not have everyone who liked Noctis liking Ardyn and all. But with a change of character comes a change of fanbase too! There’s quite a few Ardyn fans who would love seeing a new edit of the hobo chancellor, so keeping in mind what fanbase you want to appeal to is super important when you want to share your edits with them (again, TAG YOUR STUFF TO PASS IT AROUND).

Fanbases are always changing and different, but knowing which fanbase you want to share your edits with will play a big role on the exposure your edit may or may not get!

3) Aesthetic Appeal

As I said before, beauty is really really subjective, but there are a few design things to keep in mind when you want to make a more visually appealing edit. Art and design theory imperative to keep note of when making an edit. Of course, once you know the rules, it’ll be easy for you to bend the rules. But some things that I personally keep note of when making a gif set can include…

The Coloring – Make sure that there’s a reason why you picked certain colors in your edit, and why some exist next to others! Play with the idea of analogous colors being together and complimentary colors pushing against others. Take note of the highlights and shadows to play with some dramatic lightings. Decide which parts should be more saturated and others less saturated. Different colors convey different themes, ya know.

The Typography – If you have an edit with typography, keep in mind of the type of fonts you’re using! You wouldn’t use a curly font when talking about a dramatic death scene, after all. Picking the right fonts is crucial in fitting the right style you want. Sans Serif fonts that are close together give off a very tension and more modern feel, while spaced out ones give a more orderly and airy feel. Serif fonts give off a completely different feel to them too – being more romantic and poetic and more traditional over the boxy sans serif kinds of fonts. They all have a different mood they can capture, so pick your fonts wisely!

The Composition – Where you place everything is also super critical to keep in mind of! Like, did you know that placing text in the bottom right corner gives your brain a different signal than when you place it in the top left? In English reading, you typically read from top left to bottom right, so the right is often where your eye rests last (I can go an entire tangent about this, not gonna lie), so be weary on how you place the figures and the text in the things you’re making an edit of.

The Quality – Make sure that your edits are saved in a really nice quality! Cleaner gifs give off a more professional vibe, and they’re alot nicer to look at than something super grainy and chunky. Tumblr now has a 3 MB limit on gifs, so it’s even easier to have your gifs with higher frame rates and less pixelated quality. It’s so nice! So utilize it…!

4) Emotional Appeal

Want someone to take a moment to pause and look at your edits? Appeal to them emotionally! Make a heartbreaking scene even sadder by referencing back a relevant and even more heartbreaking quote/lyric/poem. Make a funnier moment even funnier by parodying it. People want to feel things – sad things, happy things, all the things! So using color theory and quotes to help add to these feelings can really get people to stop and look for a little bit and generate some interest. Emotions are powerful, after all! So if you’re looking for people to look at your edits, intrigue them with emotion, with thoughts too.

5) Resharing

A smaller tip, but sometimes reblogging your edits at certain times of the day is a good idea too! Don’t over-share it, but reblogging your post for the night bloggers is good – because someone’s night is someone else’s day. :D Sharing it for certain groups of people on your blog is a good idea, so that way, people from around the world won’t have to browse through a bunch of posts from the time they were sleeping until now. So it couldn’t hurt to reblog your edits every now and then. To let the night and day people look, and even to get your new followers to check out the stuff you do as well!

So there’s some tips from me about how you might be able to get your gifs out there and stuff, but remember, dear anon: You are talented in your own unique way! That in itself is amazing self-validation, and it’s really important to have that!

Keep on making edits and being great, okay? Thumbs up to you! :DD

#asks #dear anon #stephic rants #advice from steph #a long post #but i hope it helps a little bit!

5 notes · View notes

dramallamadingdang · 8 years ago

Text

Ermahgerd, somanyreplies...

Mostly because I haven’t had time to sit and answer ‘em.

So! For @mrningbrd, @simblrkersil, @emeraldfalconsims, @simper-fi, @holleyberry, @vampireacademysims, @penig, @serabiet, @kayleigh-83, @getmygameon, @stinkyunicorn, @alexbgd, @fuzzyspork, @crystaldollhouse, and last, but certainly not least, @strangetomato...

mrningbrd replied to your post “Well, this is a pain in the booty...”

Im also having ACR issues even though i 100% finished the story. Same exact issues too

mrningbrd replied to your post “So I had a bit of a think...”

I think i fixed my acr problem. Did u try taking it out and then redownloading it and putting it back in? That fixed it for me

Yeah, I did try taking it out/redownloading/reinstalling. Multiple times. And nada. It’s so frustrating! I was kinda disheartened when you said it didn’t work with having played the story, but reassured when you got it working. :) I mean, I know it works because it worked just fine in my initial install, once the story was played. So, I’m hoping that’s the key. I think it must be, because there are some fundamental changes with how the story neighborhood works once the story is completed. If that’s the case, I’m hoping it’ll still work even though I started the freeplay scenario before doing the story.

So, I’m about halfway through the story. Hoping to finish it tonight with enough time to experiment in the other neighborhood. I’m encouraged by the fact that I peeked in the freeplay hood and the story rewards I’ve unlocked in the story so far were also available there. So *fingers crossed*.

simblrkersil replied to your post “So I had a bit of a think...”

Melissa Fancey, maybe? (IDK how you feel about her, but I love her XD horrifying flame pants and all)

It was between her and the adult Ivy Copur, actually! But in the end I went with Ivy because I’ve never had her as a playable before. :) I’m sure she’s thrilled to go through this torture.

emeraldfalconsims replied to your post “20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?”

I think the next time someone asks me what my aesthetic is, I'll just direct them to this post. :P

It’s tough when you don’t fall into one box or another but instead cherrypick bits and bobs from all the available boxes in order to build your own wacky box. :) I think henceforth I’m going to call my game aesthetic “Mutant Hybrid FrankenSHTEEN.” *nods sagely*

emeraldfalconsims replied to your post “So you’re stranded with seven other complete strangers on what may or...”

So I see overlay boxes work? Was not expecting that.

They do! At least the ones I installed do! (Male and female body hair and two tattoo boxes.) It’s likely because the game has the “heatstroke” overlay from Seasons. (And maybe the frozen one, too, but it’s sort of hard to freeze on a tropical island... :) ) Many things work, in fact, but some only after you’ve completed the story.

I’m still trying to figure out the game engine the thing uses because knowing that will make it easier to predict whether or not a TS2 mod will work and/or which version of a mod to try first. It’s either Seasons’s or OFB’s or maybe a hybrid of the two. But it also has some stuff from BV, like the pirate ship. Those are all just objects, though; the beach lots don’t have surf like BV beaches do. (Which is a shame because it’d be fun to have @maybesomethingdunno‘s surfing mod in it, but I’m 99.8% certain that won’t work. :) And even if it did, it’d look weird without surf. :) )

simper-fi replied to your photo “So what do you do when you have way too many babies on a lot and not...”

BABY CORRAL! I love it!

holleyberry replied to your photo “So what do you do when you have way too many babies on a lot and not...”

Haha! That is awesome.

Heh. It was one of those ideas “born” out of desperation. I had seven babies at the time, couldn’t afford cribs (But I decided early on that rock “fences” would be free, in order to create “rooms” on the lot, if needed), and no one could sleep on the lot with a baby laying on the ground. (Which is SOOOOOOO stupid and needs to be modded out.) Hence, baby corral. It works. For babies, anyway. :)

vampireacademysims replied to your photo “So what do you do when you have way too many babies on a lot and not...”

Lmaaao! Wow I'd go crazy, I cursed my life each time I got quadruplets, now imagine this XD

Well, it helps that there are 8 adults to share the load. :) Nine babies isn’t so bad with 8 adults around, as it’s almost a 1:1 ratio, so long as no one slacks. *side-eyes Orlando Centowski* It’s just that they can’t do much else besides baby/toddler care other than occasionally shoving something edible in their face and maybe taking a nap here and there. :) In a normal two-parent household where at least one has a job, I pull my hair out with just twins. Maybe I won’t, so much, after doing this, though...

penig replied to your post “Preggo Ben!”

At the volume there's about to be, it hardly matters anyhow - nearest person deals with whoever's howling.

Ah, but the problem is that they’re ALL howling at once. :) Basically, they all have to cry themselves to sleep, since there are no cribs to put them in. Well, I do have ONE crib now, actually. One crib for nine toddlers. They get rotated in and out of it. I could buy more now, but the toddlers are all going to age up soon -- and there’s no “selling back” according to the rules I’m using for this scenario -- so I think I might want to save the resources for other things. Like more leaf beds. Hopefully children can use those.... And maybe some hammocks for the adults. I think they’ve earned them. I shudder to think of the hell it must’ve been hell to sleep on the ground in the third trimester...

serabiet replied to your post “In this Castaway scenario I’m playing, the castaway’d townies must use...”

why am i getting incoming village of the damned vibes off this development

It is kind of like that, actually... *laugh* Thankfully the lots in the game are big. Lots of a room for a tribe of the damned children.

kayleigh-83 replied to your photoset “When you spend hours on stuff that’s purely, uselessly decorative....”

Ahh you to so much more trouble than I do! I wish I had the patience to plan it out and apply it. My strategy for making my neighbourhood look better is essentially MOAR TREES!!!

More trees is my go-to, too! :) But actually, I don’t plan this sort of thing. It’s more like, “Hey, that lot opened the Athletic career! Now they need someplace to play.” *plops down baseball diamond in random spot* Then it’s, “Hmmmm, that looks really out of context. *moves baseball diamond close to lot that unlocked the career* Then it’s, “If people are gonna come see the game, they’ll need some place to park their car.” *builds adjacent completely useless deco parking lot* Then it’s, “I’m envisioning cracked windshields. Plus, how’re they gonna tell if it’s a home run?” *plots strategy to put lots under baseball diamond just so that fences can be built.* And on and on.

It’d be so much easier if I could just plop down the hood deco and be done with it, but I...just...can’t....

getmygameon replied to your photoset “So this is what I decided to do with Castaway. Take 8 of...”

Very neat :) you're really making that game your bitch aren't you? LOL jk XD

I’m tryin’! Although lately, it’s more like I’m the game’s bitch, jumping through hoops trying to make things work the way I want. :)

stinkyunicorn replied to your photoset “Komei has a “job” as a hunter, so he’s off the lot for a chunk of...”

"Hard row to hoe in this scenario"... You're a poet and didn't know it. I'm enjoying all your Castaway posts!

I’m glad you’re enjoying them! :) I’m having a blast playing it. It’s a great change-of-pace for when I get in one of those “I don’t feel like loading TS2″ moods. And it’s like instant gratification because the game loads instantly, so I can go in and out of the game to screw around with things and test out bizarre, wild hair ideas really easily.

And it was totally accidental poetry; I didn’t even realize it rhymed beyond “row to hoe” until you pointed it out. :)

alexbgd replied to your post “Goopy in Wonderland. :)”

a zoo with sims..

Preeeeeety much, yes. :)

holleyberry replied to your post “Goopy in Wonderland. :)”

Come on Goopy. Sandy's there too. Go after her man.

I totally thought he would! They double-bolt! They’re the only possible pairing with more than one bolt, I think. But.... Sandy goes for Ben Long and Goopy seems to like Andrea Hogan best. Go figure. They seem to be each other’s second-faves, though. And it’s not like it really matters since it’s basically one big polyamorous clan. Which is exactly what I wanted.

fuzzyspork replied to your post “Goopy in Wonderland. :)”

At least those sand mites he just acquired in his nether crevisce will keep him company. XD

Poor Goopy. Only the lice and the stink bugs love him. :) Well, OK, that’s not true. Everyone loves him except Marisa Bendett; those two are oil and water, apparently.

crystaldollhouse replied to your post “Goopy in Wonderland. :)”

This looks so fun :D

It’s realllllllllllllly fun. Very addictive, too. And beyond being fun to play, it’s really fun to experiment with it, too, to see what’ll work and what won’t.

strangetomato replied to your photoset “So this is what I decided to do with Castaway. Take 8 of...”

I agree with Fuzzy. this makes me want to play Castaway again too. Maybe I'll start loading that up again as a "just for fun" game.

DO EEEEET! You know you want to. Come to the dark side...

fuzzyspork replied to your photoset “So this is what I decided to do with Castaway. Take 8 of...”

You make me want to track down a copy of Castaway! I'll forever kick myself for not buying the one I saw at a thrift store last year. D;

*cough*games4theworld*cough* I pirated mine, and that site is nice. (No creepy porn ads, at least! :) ) The game’s not legitimately for sale new and unused anymore, so unless you can find a used copy, pirating is actually more ethical than paying more than retail to some shady online “store” that doesn’t have the right to sell it for those prices. *gets very irked at “stores” who ignore retail agreements* Either way, EA doesn’t get any money out of it, so...eh. :)

emeraldfalconsims replied to your post “Drat! Dang! DOUBLE DRAT!”

This is probably not helpful at all, but I just discovered that in TS2 there's a settings option to add the Pets unlocks from codes shared with friends. I suppose it's too much to hope that they've done that for CS as well.

Not that I know of. I searched around a lot and read lots of “game strategy/hint” websites, and didn’t find anything about it. Buuuuuut, as it turns out I’m playing the story, anyway. In the end, you’re kind of forced to, at least if you ever want to use any of the electricity-dependent items in it. I’m just kind of blitzing through it to collect up all the story rewards, including some I missed on my first play-through.

emeraldfalconsims replied to your post “corruptuslocus: Also ACR 1 vs ACR 2 I know ACR 2 has more features...”

I only use V.1, and the only thing I know of to miss is autonomous proposals and go steadys. Have you seen this much with V.2, Icad?

Last I heard, twojeffs never got the auto proposals/go-steadys working in V.2, anyway. V.2′s kind of an eternal beta, as I understand it. The biggest differences between the two is that in v.2 you have far more control over the settings on a Sim level, so it’s much MUCH more customizable than v.1 is. It also has some settings that I really like, like setting a Sim’s “ideal family size” which further moderates whether or not a pair will try for baby. That being said, you have to fiddle with those settings manually on a Sim-by-Sim basis to get the full effect, which can be tedious unless you’re a person like me who gets off on tedium. So, like I said, which version is “better” really depends on how much control you want to have and how much effort you’re willing to put into it. I like v.2 a lot better, personally, but it requires AL/M&G, so I can’t use it in Castaway.

#mrningbrd #simblrkersil #emeraldfalconsims #simper-fi #holleyberry #vampireacademysims #penig #serabiet #kayleigh-83 #getmygameon #stinkyunicorn #alexbgd #fuzzyspork #crystaldollhouse #strangetomato #replies #lots and lots of replies #because i like doing them :)

11 notes · View notes

niennavalier · 3 years ago

Text

OC Ramble Pt 3!

Alright, this is gonna be my last OC post for now (unless I feel like unleashing the D&D character creation hell onto the internet) (which is a possibility but idk, cause I actually can't include all of them anyway). Just gonna do a little bit of a talk about my other ship, which I tend to call my City Boys, because a suggestion from a friend stuck. Also a few of the characters connected to their story. Which I will talk about... someday. Also the world for this. Which isn't fully fleshed out yet, aside from being sorta... medieval/renaissance vibes? (I clearly know history). But essentially kinda how fantasy vibes work, just minus magic. But the whole story has been centered around the one city that they're both from, which has really strict economical divides and such.

But okay, gonna start typing on the boys, here we go, hopefully won't be writing too much here (it's late and I'm sleepy).

Alaric Hastings: Mid-20s ish, born into a noble and really traditionally minded, old school type family (the really haughty, uptight sorts - basically just huge dicks, to be concise). But it's not the kind of life he likes - big social gatherings and keeping up appearances and having to present yourself in a certain way just to maintain your family's pride. He's very much an introvert, gets anxious and nervous really easily in these sorts of situations, and has never really had a way to deal with it? (He got basically thrown into the deep end with this sorta stuff at a young age and isn't naturally a people person. Which didn't really get him any friends that could make this all easier, and it's just amplified by his parents being super uptight, even compared to other nobles. It's all a big mess, really). When his parents find out he's gay, that goes as well as you'd expect and he ends up disowned.

(tbh if you check my other posts, he's the one that I posted the song for. The idea of male!Elsa lives in my head rent-free and made it into this character)

Then there's y'know, plot stuff that I'm too tired to get into. But in general, he's real warm-hearted and gentle - lots of very soft vibes here. (even if that's coupled with self-esteem issues and such). (Although he's also the type of person who will really latch onto something as a way to cope, whether healthy or not? AKA alcoholism is uh... a thing. But hey, this is what plot is for - to address things).

Random fun fact: he's actually one of few males characters I have who doesn't fit into that super pretty aesthetic? He's more conventionally handsome, although he himself doesn't really care much about his looks. Which is a nice lead in to...

Silas Reyes: The other half of this pairing! He comes from the poorer part of the city (but a much better family environment. He didn't know his dad but his mom is wonderful) (Actually, cause I did come up with some story stuff for his parents, his dad is also a noble, but from a much nicer family, and has some big idiot golden retriever energy). But he's the charismatic people-person of the two. Without getting too far into the worldbuilding, he basically worked his way up into this crime syndicate of sorts, and ended up becoming their negotiator and face, so to speak. He's just good at reading people and understanding what they want, and he knows how to sort of dance around those desires and play whatever part he needs to, so long as it gets whatever outcome he wants. Which is the more sinister side of what he's capable of, but he's just really adaptable when it comes to social stuff. Outside of that, though, when he's able to take off all those masks, he's genuine and... I guess blunt? He'll say what he thinks, albeit in a way that still comes off as friendly and ribbing and generally warm, not cold (though he does have a somewhat sharper way of speaking, especially compared to Alaric. It's sorta hard to just explain without examples though).

Him and Alaric meet under...not so great circumstances - lying is involved at the early stages - but, again, plot and development and etc etc.

And as for why there was that attempt at a transition up above: he cares a lot about how he looks. Presentation and stuff. It's important to him that he looks put together, especially in the presence of other people (ie. people he's not super close with). Especially his hair? He's particular about it and puts a lot of time into it (because it was actually an early part of his character design IRL. I had an idea, and said idea had me actually looking up stuff like medieval techniques to dye hair).

Emerson: Again, no last names, but she's one of Silas' friends. Two ish years younger that him, hardcore insists that everyone calls her Em. She's got this big and exuberant personality. Very talkative and just a bit dramatic (more than a bit). She loves being involved in all the goings-ons and has been known to basically be the local rumor mill. That whole nosy side is really on display when she's with Silas and Bennett (who I'll talk about a bit down below). She loves knowing what their plans are, especially when it comes to their love lives (she's very invested in all of that. When she first met Alaric, she shipped the two of them from the start and was more or less determined to make sure they worked out their issues). She's panromantic and ace, and so when the boys talk more on the sex side of all of this, her opinion is the "okay I'm glad you two enjoy this but also why? Aren't there better parts to talk about?"

Bennett: Alright, I mentioned him above and frankly, I don't have him fully figured out - just some bits and pieces I wrote to get an idea of his voice. But he's the other one of Silas' friends, and of the trio, the sorta more serious one. He's much more grounded (no-nonsense seems a little too harsh, so I'll go with grounded) and gives off this air of just knowing how to deal with situations. He's much more of a listener than his two friends, but also naturally intuitive (especially when it comes to reading Silas. The two of them met as teenagers, so there's a lot of unspoken stuff that he can read. They didn't meet Emerson for another handful of years, at which point she just sidled up to them and became part of the group). But also, all of that can go out the window when he's with the two of them - especially Emerson. They'll just bicker and banter with each other constantly over whatever weird topic of conversation someone brought up.

Side Notes: Yes, most of these characters are attached to Silas, but to be fair, Alaric's parents are huge assholes and I've just not cared enough to flesh them out. They suck and that's all that matters for now - whatever excuse they think they have for not accepting their kid is dickish and dumb (to be fair, I do have their reasons in mind, and yeah, bad parenting). Also, I do have another character in the works who's connected to Alaric's backstory - a brief, past love interest that he meets again later. But I don't have a lot of ideas for how that all goes, so I haven't experimented hugely with his character (although I do have a name I like!) And other last thing: I do have Silas' parents worked out a bit - Delia Reyes and Alonso Oriol - and have actually written down how they meet (it's incredibly stupid and fitting). I just didn't feel like going into them too much here? Maybe I will later idk; his dad is a riot (big dumb idiot who just adopts people).

#from the mind of niennavalier #100daysofwriting #oc: alaric hastings #oc: silas reyes #oc: emerson #oc: bennett #pairing: city boys

0 notes

scotwresnet · 4 years ago

Text

By The Masked Embroider Instagram: @themaskedembroiderer | Twitter: @TEmbroiderer

Ever wondered who makes your favourite Scottish wrestling stars ring gear? Well in this Behind The Art special I’ve had the privilege to pick the brains of three companies who make some of the best custom ring gear around and enhance some of the best wrestling talent in the world.

Before we get into the processes though I’d just like to say that these are just three companies that I spoke to and admire. There are of course many fine talented gear makers out there including honourable mentions to @airheaddiva and @kayleigh_fabe_wrestling_gear, who in particular hugely impressed me not only with her work but also with the fact that she reuses old parcel envelopes to send her wares out to her clients #reuseandsavetheplanet.

But let me introduce you to the ones I did chose and let’s get ‘Behind the Art’.

Vickstitch was started by Brett and Vicky about 8 years ago. Brett was a wrestler at a time when it was hard to not only find a gear maker but also to get exactly what you wanted made. So through necessity initially, Vicky took up the challenge and now, with their website, it’s grown into a thriving business.

JJ Wrestling Creations was born in 2015 creating wrestling gear for athletes all over the world.

Their love for fashion and art always ‘ran wild in their veins’ and in 2016, they moved from Italy to the UK to expand their business and empower their brand.

Empress Pro Gear specialise in making female ring attire, although not exclusively. With only 2 years in existence it nonetheless is blessed with 17 years of experience. Emma used to make costumes for the theatre but through her passion for wrestling she decided to branch out.

Now, let’s get a picture of just how a piece of ring gear is made from start to finish shall we?

First thing to start with is the idea.

As we all know in wrestling anything goes gimmick-wise. Nothing is too insane or too over the top. And talking to fast rising talent Ian Skinner about his ring gear he agreed, “if ever I’ve a silly idea that just might work, they [Vickstitch] are the ones… I watched Game of Death and was like “I NEED BRUCE LEE GEAR”… hence my yellow and black gear.“

And although Vickstitch happily admitted that “generic tights with logos on the legs and names on the back are our bread and butter type jobs, the different stuff is always far more enjoyable, customers letting us have creative input into their gear and helping with their design ideas. We love having new and unique designs that are challenging and give us something exciting to make.”

But do you really need a vision when going into the process of commissioning custom ring gear? How important is an idea or a vision?

JJ Creations replied: “It is essential, as it is the starting point of the whole creative process. Sometimes our clients have very clear ideas about what they desire. Some other times they ask us to guide them through. I love when they trust us so much that they allow us to put our own imagination into their costumes creation.”

Empress Pro Gear talked me through their ideas process:

“For the majority of my clients I just bring their designs to life. I’m supplied with a design and I offer them the choice of fabrics from my preferred suppliers. I help guide in the sense of practicalities and any concerns they have, but I just enjoy being a part of helping them represent their personalities, I don’t interfere with their vision. For others I will help put all their design inspirations into sketches and work from those alongside them, however this isn’t something I tend to do until we’ve created a comfortable collaborative relationship over time.

I find it takes one or two projects to get a real feel for someone’s style, I want my work to be authentic and reflective of them. I have certain clients who’s aesthetic mesh more so with my design style than others but I also enjoy the challenge of going outside my comfort zone. I’ve spent most of my career designing for characters in musicals etc. so I find it more natural now to have to design for a character rather than represent my personal style. I find this concept translates nicely into the world of gear making as the characters are so important; just like in the theatre you want the audience to get a feel for the character immediately from their entrance and appearance. In my eyes It’s not for me to define that character, I’m merely here to make the Wrestlers vision into something tangible.”

So an idea should have an aim of establishing a character. But just how important is an image? And does a strong image give a performer more confidence? Flamboyant Scottish luchador Lucha DS told me “you can see by my in ring look I need to have a look that sets me apart from my opponents but still have a theme that works across all the various sets I have. They [Vickstitch] are pivotal in helping me project the vibe I am going for.”

Ian Skinner also confirmed this too: “Vickstitch made my first set of gear and what they made gave me the confidence to go out in front of a crowd in trunks.”

JJ Creations as we told you in the introductions came across from the famous fashion capital of the world, Italy and have made Scotland their second home. They’ve worked with WWE stars like Nikki Cross, ‘Viper’ Piper Niven, Candyfloss, Jazzy Gabert and NXT UK Women’s Champion Kay Lee Ray. Their garments are just as high end quality as they are fashionable and they rise to the challenge of breeding confidence into a performer with their creations: “…the crazier the idea the better it is. We love our job because it’s exciting, challenging and very rewarding. The best part of it is to make people happy and confident.

So what have we learned so far. A vision is important but can be worked out through some brainstorming. And a good design and image can instill confidence in a performer.

It made me wonder though. What were the major differences and difficulties between making gear for male performers opposed to female performers? Was there any?

JJ Creations: “They differ in proportions. We need a deep knowledge of both male and female body shapes.”

Empress Pro Gear specialise in female ring attire but not exclusively as we mentioned. She can count Sammii Jayne, Ashley Vega, Nina Samuels, Killer Kelly, Zoe Lucas and Xia Brookside among her clientele.

Empress Pro Gear: “I personally find women’s wear comes more naturally to me, I’ve worked in both fields and I’ve always had an easier bond with making clothing for the female form. I’ve suffered from body dysmorphia growing up so I feel more of an organic connection with women’s bodies and trying to enhance what makes them feel confident. That’s the main reason I decided to focus mainly on Women’s wear however I do currently work with several men and regardless of how anyone identifies I’m excited for working on their ideas and creating their vision, I love being part of that collaboration. I’m just grateful any time anyone chooses to reach out to me; it’s a huge compliment when there’s so many incredibly talented makers out there.“

All three companies attested to the importance of choosing the right materials and learning about new processes when making their gear.

Vickstitch: “We both work full time at this and are continually growing and evolving as new methods and materials become available. Also the trends in the industry continue to evolve so we try to keep ahead of that curve too.”

I asked JJ Creations about this also and what pieces challenge them the most.

JJ Creations: “We mainly work with stretch fabrics, as we are wrestling gears makers. Our customers need comfortable and durable costumes, because they fight in them. Depending on their gimmicks, their ideas and desires we always suggest the best options and designs. Our goal is to make everyone feel unique and special…The most challenging are definitely the coats and the long jackets, they take a lot of time and care, but because of that they are also very rewarding pieces to create.”

Empress Pro Gear: “Each set has its own learning experience especially as for each individual I create a garment pattern from scratch for their measurements and design. Every persons body is different so I don’t treat them as a cookie cutter when it comes to making clothing. I find when I’ve worked with someone more I get to build up a collection of tried and tested garment patterns which takes a lot of the guess work away. I particularly enjoy working with Nina Samuels as her style really blends well with my background in theatre and dance wear, she has such a star quality about her and her presence. I love layering up the lace and Rhinestones and she allows me a lot of creative freedom with the detail. I really enjoy working on any sets where there’s lots of detail and I have a weakness for rhinestones I blame the dancer in me.“

Through wear and tear and what these clothes are being asked to perform it’s no wonder that every now and again they fail in some way or another.

But how do gear makers prevent and minimise these faults happening?

Empress Pro Gear: “I’m quite particular about what materials I use and in what locations on the garment, sometimes someone may request no stretch materials in areas that you need maximum stretch so I will offer more practical alternatives. I prefer to use suppliers who’s materials I know are high quality and are tried and tested by myself but I am flexible and love to learn more from others ideas. All my garments are fully lined and I use drawstrings as well as elastic where necessary. I’ve learnt over time from being around dancer’s wardrobe malfunctions and through developing my gear making little techniques of how to make fastenings a bit more secure. I’m still learning more with each set I tackle, it’s an ever moving learning curve.“

So we’ve learnt about the processes and careful choice of materials. The next big question and one that probably gets asked a lot is ‘How long from start to finish does it take to make a piece of custom made clothing?’ Just how long is a piece of ‘thread’?

JJ Creations: “It depends on the type of creations. It could take hours or even a few days.”

Empress Pro Gear: “The time to make the gear varies depending on how complicated it is. I’ve had sets take several days and some items several hours. If there’s rhinestones involved they’re very time consuming as they have to be individually glued to the garment, same with the rivet studs and eyelets that have to be marked out and hammered in.“

What happens after a piece is made, delivered and the customer is happy. What’s it like to be an ‘incredibly talented gear maker’ and see your work out there on the scene and in some cases on TV?

Vickstitch: “We always get asked what our favourite gear is and we really don’t know there has been so many made.“

JJ Creations: “Even though we are proud of all our gears, we felt a particular sense of satisfaction towards the ones we made for WWE, NXT and NXT UK. Watching the tv and seeing our baby gears is something indescribable.“

Empress Pro Gear: “It blows my mind each and every time, the little girl in me cannot believe it. I won’t lie I may have shed a couple of tears seeing them live in person and on TV. I’m so grateful to anyone who’s contacted me, ordered gear and supported me.“

So there you have it. From start to finish. The birth of an idea made into fully functioning wrestling gear.

Please remember during these tough times that these people are highly skilled self employed artisans and have been affected badly by the recent crisis. Please don’t forget them. Keep them busy with new commissions. The world won’t always be locked down. Shows will return soon hopefully and a bright shiny newly improved wrestling scene will commence once again and will require their services to keep it, and our favourite characters, colourful.

You can find all three gear makers at the following contacts and I highly recommend you check them out.

Vickstitch:

Instagram: @vickstitch

Facebook: Vickstitch Customs

Twitter: @vickstitch

Email: [email protected]

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

JJ Creations:

Instagram: @j_jwrestlingcreations

Facebook: JJ Wrestling Creations

Twitter: @J_Jcreations

Email: [email protected]

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Empress Pro Gear:

Instagram: @empressprogear

Facebook: Empress Pro Gear

Twitter: @EmpressGear

Email: [email protected]

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Behind The Art #19: Gear Makers Special

0 notes

scottish-wrestling-network · 4 years ago