#idc what the chances are of them actually seeing these tweets

[vicvinegarandhughhoney]

people on sunnytwt screenshotting my post about not harassing glenn and sucking each other off that their behaviour isn't weird and that I'm the weird one for pointing out that maybe tweeting slurs at the people you're fans of isn't a cool thing to do 💕💕

anyway sunnyblr u are heaven compared to the cesspool that is sunnytwt and i am retreating back into the fold away from a place where saying slurs is apparently preferable to saying 'don't harass people'

[electricbarnes]

tell me you still see me

steve rogers x reader

summary: steve has been working a lot lately. you begin to have doubts about your relationship.

↳ songs i listened to for inspiration 

wc: 5.9k | warnings: some angst, overthinking, self-doubt, implied smut 

note: this is a repost from my old account that was deleted. so if it’s familiar, that’s why! i wasn’t planning on reposting but i read it over and decided why not. i have another steve fic that i’m almost done with, so i wanted to post this in the meantime. i made a few minor edits. i hope you like it! and if you decide to reread it, thank you x1000 !!

You arrive at your apartment, hands filled with groceries for the week. You struggle to open the door with the many bags on your arms, but eventually make it inside. You kick off your heels and set the bags down on the kitchen counter. After freeing your hands, you reach into your purse to find your phone. You unlock it and tap on the first name at the top of your recent calls.

The phone rings for a bit before you hear the sound of your boyfriend’s voice saying “Hello”.

“Oh my god Steve, you’re never gonna believe what I saw at the store just now,” you say, thinking of the wild thing you witnessed during your shopping trip. It’s not everyday that you see someone throw themselves into a cereal box display. It was a hilarious sight and you just wanted to tell someone about it.

“So, I was just strolling through the isles looking for some snacks when a-” you’re cut off before getting too into the story.

“Honey, can this wait? I’m about to go into a mission briefing,” Steve says in a hushed tone. Immediately, you feel guilty for interrupting him while he’s busy. It was well into the evening and you had assumed he wouldn’t be working.  

“Oh, uh yeah of course! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” you apologize.

“That’s okay,” he reassures you, “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, talk to you later then.”

The phone beeps, indicating the call was over. You sigh and go back to the task of putting your groceries away.

You decide to lounge around the rest of the day, trading your work clothes for some comfy sweats and a tee shirt. You spend the night mindlessly scrolling through social media while reruns of some sitcom play on the tv. You even send Steve a few memes here and there. You’re not really sure if he’ll understand them but they reminded you of him.

After eating a late dinner, you channel surf for a bit before putting on a random movie. When the movie finishes, it’s nearly 11pm and you realize that Steve hasn’t called you back. You pick up your phone, tempted to call him but decide it’s better to wait till tomorrow. He hasn’t replied to your texts, so there’s a chance he’s still busy despite the late hour.

Unfortunately for you, being a superhero is a full time job, which means that Steve can be busy at any moment of any day. You knew this going into a relationship with thee Captain America. To be fair though, you didn’t think you’d actually get to know the super soldier like you do now.  

When you met Steve, he was just some handsome guy at the park who helped you with directions when you were visibly lost. You ended up seeing him at the park again a couple days later. Recognizing you, he stopped and asked if you wanted to get a coffee. Who were you to deny this man?

You spent two hours in a café getting to know each other before exchanging numbers. In hindsight, his vague answers about his career were a little suspicious. It wasn’t until you went home that night and saw a picture of Steve in a tweet captioned “idc that captain america is like 100 yrs old, he can still get it 😍”.

Needless to say, you were shocked. While you were feeling dumb for not recognizing him sooner, you also wondered why he didn’t say anything. After an awkward confrontation about the subject, he explained how he didn’t want you to go out with him just because he was Captain America. You were quick to ease his worries and reassure him that you were interested in Steve for Steve, not for his heroic persona.

Since then, your relationship with Steve has been nothing but amazing. He was always so sweet with you, taking you on simple but romantic dates. There was something about that 40s charm that was so endearing. You loved the small things, like how he would always open the door for you or how he would bring you flowers on each date. It was so easy to talk to him about anything and everything. You felt like he was not only your boyfriend, but also your best friend.

There were times where you wondered why he ever picked you, an average person compared to the super people he’d work with everyday. He could’ve had anyone he wanted. Steve would say that you were like his sanctuary from the hectic world of being an Avenger. It meant a lot to you that you could be that person for him. You thought he deserved some peace after everything he’s been through. He wanted to protect you from the evil that inherently came with the job, which you understood, so he rarely spoke about the missions he’d go on. The less you knew the better. Though sometimes, you would wish he’d open up more about what was going on while he was away. Especially since he would be gone for days on end.

It was only a month into your relationship that you realized how hard it’d be when he would leave to be Captain America. It was his first time leaving for a mission that lasted longer than a day. He had to spend a week in some place on the other side of the world with no way of contacting him. Of course, you were worried the entire time he was gone. Despite trying to distract yourself with work and personal tasks, Steve was always at the forefront of your mind.

You had never felt such relief than the day he called you after a whole week of silence. Steve had even asked you shyly if he could come over that night. You felt butterflies in your stomach when he told you that he needed to see you. It was the first time he had spent the night at your place. Having Steve’s arms wrapped around you the entire night just felt right. You knew as early as then that you loved him.

Over the year that you had been together, those long missions became easier to manage. You’d always trust that he’d come back to you in one piece. Steve would sometimes feel guilty about being away for so long that he’d try to make it up to you by taking you on an extraordinary date. But you always assured him that you were happy to just be with him, even if it was just something like the two of you watching a movie at your place.

Lately, Steve has been more distant with you. You’ve chalked it up to the fact that there’s a literal distance between you two since he’s moved upstate to the newly built Avengers compound. Before, he was just a short drive away from the Avengers tower to your apartment. Now, he’s hours away from you. There were discussions of you moving in with him, but your job was in the city and you couldn’t leave that behind.

You both decided to make the best of the situation, calling and texting whenever possible. FaceTiming was the usual occurrence throughout the week, often before bed. You’d tell him about your day in the office and he’d tell you about the new recruits he would train. On the weekends, he’d stay over at your place. It was rare that you’d stay at the compound. Steve said he’d preferred your apartment, claiming it was homier than the compound. Plus, you’d actually have some privacy.

For a long time, it had been a good system. You love Steve and did anything to make the relationship work because he’s worth it. Yet, you couldn’t help the lonely nights where you wondered if he felt the same.

Calls were less frequent. Texts were unanswered. Weekend plans were cancelled because Steve would be assigned to missions during those days. You’d understand, of course. He’s out there saving people! You can’t fault him for that, but it doesn’t stop you from missing him.

Now, it had been almost two weeks since you’d last seen him in person. You had texted him throughout the day, but texting wasn’t his favorite thing. Texts were usually reserved for quick check-ins and reminders of I love you’s. He preferred calling and you did too, hearing his voice was much better.

After learning that he had been back from a short mission, you texted him.

You: FaceTime later? ☺️

You were eager to see him, even if it was through a screen. You were just hoping he had the time.

Steve ♡: Sure.

Later that night, you sat on your bed with your laptop, opening up FaceTime. After a few rings, Steve’s face appears on the screen. A smile immediately breaks out on your face.

“Hi babe!” you say cheerily, finally getting to see your boyfriend after what felt like forever.

“Hi honey,” he says with a soft smile.

Your smile dims a bit, eyebrows furrowing when you recognize the background. “Are you still in your office?” It was pretty late and you assumed he’d be in bed by now.

“Yeah, I was finishing up on some mission reports,” he explains, shuffling some papers on his desk.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you’d be done by now,” you apologize, recalling the last time you had interrupted him from his work.

“No, no” he waves his hand, “I thought I’d be done by now too, but it’s a lot more than I expected.”

You frown at the thought of your boyfriend overworking himself. You want to ask him about it, but you know he’ll say what he always does when you ask about his missions: It’s classified.

“You’re not stressing yourself out too much, are you Steve?” you ask, concern evident in your voice. Even through the hazy quality of the webcam, you can see the tired look in his eyes.

“Never,” he says with a smirk.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you,” you say with a teasing tone.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about honey,” he reassures you. “Besides, I wanna know what you’ve been up to.”

You scoff, “well, it’s definitely not nearly exciting as your week must’ve been.”

“I still wanna know,” he says with that boyish grin you love.

Steve always knew how to make those butterflies appear. You end up telling him about the incident you witnessed at the store which makes him laugh as he imagines the odd sight. He tells you about a prank Tony pulled on him and Sam and you beg him to send you the recording of it. He refuses, but you know you’ll get your hands on the footage eventually. Things felt normal again, just talking to him.

“So I was mixing the dough and halfway through I realized I completely forgot about the eggs,” you were in the middle of telling him about the new recipe you ended up ruining earlier this week.

Steve hums in response. You notice him looking to the side, not looking at the screen and you hear the sound of typing.

“and then a blue monster broke into my apartment,” you make up in an attempt to get his attention.

“Mhmm”

“and he stole all the cookies,” you continue.

“Hmm”

“Steve,”

Silence.

“Steve,” you say with a little more force.

“Huh?” he finally looks up at the screen.

“You’re not listening to me,” disappointment laces your voice.

“I was,” he quickly defends but you don’t buy it.

“Uh huh,” you cross your arms and lean back against your headboard. “What was I talking about?”

Steve glances elsewhere, not meeting your eyes when he mumbles “something about a party?”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. “yeah, like 10 minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry honey, I was listening, really… but these reports need to be done,” he says with an apologetic look on his face.

You couldn’t stay mad at him, but you did feel hurt that he would pretend to listen rather than just telling you something.

“Okay,” you sigh. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

He must notice the disappointment on your face because he apologizes once more.

“I’ll make it up to you honey,” he promises.

“Are you coming this weekend?” you ask hopefully. He couldn’t come last weekend and you were missing him terribly.

“Of course,” he gives you a tired smile that you return.

“Okay, finish those reports and get some sleep,” you instruct, emphasizing the last part.

“Yes ma’am,” he raises his hand, mock saluting you which makes you giggle.

“Goodnight Stevie, I love you,”

“Love you too sweetheart”

The call ends and you go to bed with a smile on your face.

The rest of the week goes by quickly. You’re excited to get to the weekend because that means you can finally see your boyfriend, in person! Not just behind some screen. It’s been almost three weeks since the last time he came over and you miss his touch.

It was Friday afternoon and you were sitting at a small table in the cafe you frequent, taking a lunch break. Halfway through your break, you got a call from Steve. You were a little surprised to see his picture pop up on your phone since you’re usually the one to call him. Nevertheless, you smiled and answered “Hi babe.”

“Hey honey,” he greets.

“I’m glad you called, I was thinking of picking up a few things from the store after work today. Do you need anything?”

“Uh… about that,” he says in a low voice. Your heart immediately sinks, already knowing what he’s going to say next.

“You’re not coming.” A statement, not a question.

“I’m sorry honey. A mission came up and we leave tonight,” he explains and you almost want to laugh. Of course he’s leaving again.

“How long?” you ask. Maybe it’s just for a day and he can still come on Saturday or even Sunday.

“Two days… maybe three,”

You take a moment to process his words. Part of you saw this coming. It seemed too good to be true that you’d finally have him all to yourself. You glance up, trying to fight the sudden feeling of tears in your eyes. You didn’t want to cry in the middle of a busy café.

“There’s… there isn’t a chance you can skip this one?” you hesitantly ask. Normally, you’d just accept it, but your patience was running thin. This is the second time in a row he’s cancelled on you.

“You know I can’t. This is important,” he says it so sternly, like he doesn’t realize he’s breaking your heart. The missions are always important. More important than you.

“Yeah, but you’ve been working nonstop. I mean, don’t you want a break? Aren’t there others who can go instead?” you argue, voice raising.

“Y/N, I’m going. I have to,” he insists, leaving no room for an argument. You knew how stubborn Steve could be, so you knew he wasn’t going to change his mind on this. Rationally, you knew he probably had no choice in the matter but you took a chance anyways.

“Okay,” you relent.

You can hear Steve sigh before saying, “I’ll make it up to you.”

He’s been saying that a lot lately, but you know they’re empty promises.

“Okay.”

“I love you,” he says much softer than his previous tone.

“Love you too,” you say back, but your heart hurts.

Before you met Steve, sleeping alone wasn’t so bad. Some nights you would be on your phone, scrolling through social media till you eventually got sleepy. Other times, you’d lie in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about your day and mentally planning the next. Too often you found yourself overthinking about something you did, something you wish you could change. Or you would be anxious about something coming up, running through different scenarios of how it’d go. For some reason, your mind wouldn’t let you succumb to the sleep that your body desperately needed. But you were used to it.

Then Steve came along and he’d be there to ease your mind. On the nights he would stay over, sleep came much easier. There would still be nights where your mind kept you awake, but Steve would be lying right next to you. You’d be on his chest, his hand soothingly rubbing your back as you told him about that meeting you were nervous about or how you got in trouble by your boss for a simple mistake. Steve would assure that everything would be okay and you found it easy to believe him.

He always knew when you needed a distraction from your worries, bringing up mundane things like last night’s baseball game or telling you about the modern music he actually started to like. Sometimes, he’d tell you a story from his life in the 40s. Stories like how his friend Bucky would drag him all over town, trying to find a date for the evening. Or about that time he had to star in an action movie when he just started out as Captain America (which you made a mental note to find later on Youtube). You loved hearing about Steve’s old life, curious about what made him into the man you love today.

Sometimes he’d just entertain your wild thoughts, especially when you’re half asleep. Conversations like how different life would be if dinosaurs never went extinct or if flat earth conspiracists were right. You’d be lying with your back to his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist while you mumbled any thoughts that came to mind. He’d listen till he heard your soft snores and he’d give you a gentle kiss on your head before he’d fall asleep too.

Then there would be nights where words would rarely be spoken. A night of soft moans as he took care of your body in ways only he knew how. He’d whisper praises, drawing out moans from you as he hit all the right spots. It was always different and exciting. You never knew what to expect, but he would always be so loving. You’d always stay close, basking in the afterglow.  

After having the comfort of Steve in the night, the times he’s not there feel a lot lonelier than before.

Like now, you’ve got your eyes closed but you’re not sleeping. Your thoughts seem louder than ever and they’re all about Steve. It probably doesn’t help that you decided to wear one of his tee shirts to bed, the faint smell of him making you miss him even more. After he cancelled on you (again) this past weekend, you started to wonder if he even wanted to see you at all.

You want to be mad at him, but how can you be? He’s Captain America! He has a responsibility that he can’t ignore, not even for his girlfriend. Lately, you can’t help but be worried at how many missions he’s been going on. To make matters worse, you’re left in the dark about all of it. He says it’s safer if you don’t know. You just have to trust him and trust that he needs to go.  

But what if he doesn’t actually need to? What if he wants to go so he doesn’t have to see you. Okay, that’s extreme, but it’s a possibility? It seems like he doesn’t even want to talk to you at all sometimes. You’re always the one texting and calling. It’s never really him unless it’s to let you down (again). Maybe you’re just being needy. Were you asking for too much? Are you overreacting? Probably. But it’s normal to be upset about not seeing your boyfriend for weeks, right?

You shake your head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. You pick up your phone from the nightstand. The clock reads 3:12am. You unlock your phone and open your messages to see the last few texts Steve sent.

Steve ♡: I’m sorry.

You: just be safe

             —

Steve ♡: I’m back.

You: okay

Your thumb hovers over the call button for a good bit, contemplating if you want to bother him so late at night. Before you can overthink it, you hit the button. You turn to lay on your side with the phone against your ear, anxiously waiting for the ringing to stop.

“Hello,” Steve answers, voice deep and filled with sleep. You feel guilty for waking him up, but at the same time feel relief at the sound of his voice.

“Hi,” you say shyly. Honestly, you weren’t expecting him to actually pick up. You were prepared to just leave a voicemail.

“Is something wrong?” he mumbles.

“No, no. There’s nothing wrong… I just…” you can feel the heat rising in your face, suddenly embarrassed for some reason. “I just miss you,” you say quietly, not even sure if he’s heard you.

You can hear the shuffling of sheets.

“I miss you too sweetheart,” he says and it warms your heart for a moment, “and as much as I wanna talk right now, I have to be up in a couple hours for a mission.”

“Oh,” the small smile you had on your face quickly disappears. You had no idea he was leaving again even though he just got back the day before.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay hon?” he says tiredly.

You feel a lump in your throat forming but you push past it, “yeah… yeah, of course.”

“Love you,”

“Love you too,” you practically whisper.

The phone call ends and the tears start to slide down your face. You didn’t have the energy to fight them anymore.

The last call you had with Steve a few days ago left you torn between logic and your emotions. You knew he was just tired, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed between you two. In the past, he never seemed to mind talking to you, even in the odd hours of the morning. You always believed that you guys were so in sync. It seemed like he knew when you needed comfort and would be there to provide it.

You would be able to tell when something was off with Steve and though you would always offer to talk about it, he would brush it off. Thinking back to it, maybe he never really opened up to you for a reason.

You began to question if you are more invested in this relationship than he is. It feels wrong to even think so, considering how sweet and caring he is, especially with you. But everyone has their limits, right? Maybe he’s just gotten tired of you. It’s clear that work is his number one priority right now, maybe he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend anymore. He always makes promises of making it up to you another time, but maybe there will never be another time.

The thought of him leaving completely sends a pang of hurt to your heart.

You: can we talk?

You had sent Steve that text what felt like forever ago, but in reality has only been 20 minutes. You had spent that time repeating in your head what you were going to tell him while you paced back and forth around your living room. You were going to ask for a break. You didn’t want to break up with him completely, no, but you thought that this would be better in the long run. You’re hoping a break will give him the space he needs and then you guys can go back to the way you were. You figured it was better to let him focus on being a hero. You didn’t want to become the clingy girlfriend that he’d eventually resent.

You had no idea how he would react. Maybe he would agree. It’ll be tough, but every couple goes through something like this, right? Sure, it’s a special circumstance with you dating an Avenger, but other people have busy partners. You wonder how they manage a relationship when they don’t see each other so often. Maybe you were giving up too easily? But you’re tired of feeling pushed aside, like you aren’t his priority when he’s at the top of your list. You’re tired of feeling guilty for being upset when he can’t come see you. You’re just tired of feeling like you’re losing him.

Just as you start to doubt your whole plan, your ringtone breaks the silence. You pick up your phone with a shaky hand and tap on the answer button.

“Hello,” you say, hoping he doesn’t notice the nervous tone of your voice.

“Hey honey, you wanted to talk?”

“Uh, yeah…” you reply, already struggling to keep your voice even.

“Is everything alright?” he’s concerned and you can imagine the look on his face.

“Yeah…yeah,” you lie, “I uh… I just wanted to talk… about us.”

“Listen honey, I’m sorry about last week but it was really-“ he begins to apologize, but you shake your head, not wanting to hear another excuse.

“It’s more than that Steve,” you interrupt.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” you hesitate, trying to gather your thoughts. “Do you realize it’s almost been a month since we’ve last seen each other?”

There’s a pause before he answers, “…I didn’t know it had been so long.”

“Do you even care?” you ask, voice giving in to the mix of anger and sadness you feel. The tears begin to well up in your eyes.

“Of course I care, you know I do” he defends.

“Do I though?” you question. The rehearsed words you mentally prepared are long gone. “…I’ve been sitting here thinking of what I’m doing wrong because I feel like something’s changed between us.”

“What are you talking about?” he sounds genuinely confused, “Nothing’s changed.”

“Steve… we don’t talk like we used to, I barely get to see you. I miss you all the time.”

“I know I’ve been working a lot lately,“ he acknowledges.

“And I don’t blame you for that,” you clarify.

“I know how important your job is, but… but I’m feeling a little left out here,” your voice cracks at the end. You wipe the few tears that started to fall down your face. “I mean, I feel like I barely know that part of your life. You’re gone most of the time and you never talk to me about it.”

“I can’t, for your safety. We’ve discussed that.”

“Yeah and I thought I could handle it, but you’re giving me nothing here,” you argue. “I wanna be there for you Steve, but it’s hard when you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I... I can’t. I want to but it’s better if you don’t know,” he says pleadingly. You want to believe him, but you just can’t seem to let this go.

The silence lingers over the phone.

“Maybe we should take a break,” you eventually say with defeat.

“A break?”

“Maybe we just need some time to sort things out. You can focus on your work and when things get better… we can try again.”

“No, no…” he starts to argue, “that’s not fair.”

“Steve, please…” you beg, “just try to see where I’m coming from. I still love you, I always will. I just think we need this.”

He doesn’t say a word, making you anxious.

“Steve-”

You’re cut off by the phone hanging up. You sit in disbelief, letting the weight of the conversation fall on you.

You spent the rest of the night just curled up on the couch. You keep questioning your decision. In your mind, this was the right thing to do, despite the heartbreak you knew you’d be feeling. But you didn’t think it would hurt as much as it does now.

Steve’s reaction made you rethink the idea of a break. You worry that he thinks you don’t love him anymore when it’s the complete opposite. You did this because you love him. You didn’t want to lose him completely, but it looks like you lost him anyways. Maybe, deep down, a part of you was trying to save yourself from the inevitable heartbreak.

The living room was dark, the only light coming from the street lights outside. The tears have stopped flowing, but the headache lingers. It’s almost 2 in the morning and despite being worn out from crying, you have trouble sleeping. You’re about to get up for a glass of water when you hear a knock on your door.

Your first reaction is to panic, because you weren’t expecting anyone at such a late hour. You mentally run through the self defense moves Steve insisted on teaching you. Slowly, you approach the door, trying to not make any noise.

Knock knock knock.

“It’s me.”

It’s softly spoken, but you hear him loud and clear. You quickly open the door to reveal Steve with a look of sorrow on his face. You can’t help but stare at him in shock, taking in his disheveled appearance.

“I don’t want a break,” he says hoarsely, breaking you out of your trace.

You all but pounce toward him and wrap your arms around his neck. He immediately wraps his arms tightly around your waist. You bury your face in his neck, inhaling the familiar scent that reminds you of home. Despite everything that happened over the phone, you feel a flood of relief from finally being in his arms.

You stood in his embrace, relishing the feeling of him being there for a good minute before you pulled away. You meet his eyes, noticing the tears surrounding them and it hurts your heart.

“We should talk,” you say, voice rough from the crying just hours ago.

You’re sitting side by side on your couch. You look at him and can’t believe that he drove all the way to your place in the middle of the night. You can see the worry on his face and you want nothing more than to comfort him, but you hold back because you want an explanation first.

“So..” you start off, “you don’t want a break?”

“Y/N, I know I’ve messed up, but please don’t give up on us,” he says with pleading eyes.

“I don’t want to. I thought that’s what you would’ve wanted. I thought…” you shy away from his stare, “maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”

Steve looks at you with guilt, realizing for the first time how much he’s hurt you, “I’m sorry… I know I’ve been saying that a lot lately but I never wanted you to feel like I didn’t want to be with you.”

“Then what's been going on?” you ask, looking back at him, determined to know why it took you asking for a break to get him here.

Steve looks down at his hands, visibly nervous. Why? You have no idea.

“Talk to me Steve,” you encourage him. “Please.”

He turns to look at you, taking a breath before saying “I’ve been looking for Bucky.”

You’re immediately confused. Out of all the things you thought of him saying, this was never one of them.

“Bucky? Bucky Barnes?” you question. You knew of his friend from the stories he would tell you. Bucky was practically a brother to Steve.

“Yes,” he says easily, but it just makes you more confused. The thought of Steve going crazy briefly crosses your mind.

“He’s the Winter Soldier,” he explains. You recognize that name from the news. He was a part of the incident that happened in DC.

“What? H-How would that even be possible?” you question, not really being able to wrap your head around it. From what you knew, Bucky died in war back in the 40s.

“HYDRA was using him. They found him after he fell from the train and they brainwashed him for decades until I was able to snap him out of it when we fought in DC,” Steve continues, “After he saved my life, he disappeared.”

The pain in his voice is evident as he talks about his friend. You scoot closer to him and you take his hand into yours, offering him comfort.

“Sam and I have been following any lead we could to find him,” he explains, “I’ve been doing that along with all the other missions I get sent on. That’s why I’ve been gone so much.”  

It finally makes sense to you.

“Oh Steve,” you say, “I wish you would’ve told me this sooner.”

“I know honey, I should have…” he squeezes your hand, which you reciprocate.

“HYDRA is evil. I’ve seen how cruel they can be,” he continues. “The thought of them coming anywhere near you kills me,” his voice filled with emotion and his eyes gloss over with tears. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to get out of that headspace…”

He looks away from you, head down, “you shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

You reach over with your free hand to touch his face. “Steve,” you turn his head to look at you. His blue eyes shine even in the dim lighting. “Please don’t shut me out. I want to know these things. You don’t have to tell me everything, but I just want to be there for you. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

Your eyes beg him to understand you. “And I get it now. Bucky is your friend and I know you’ll find him again someday. Just don’t put all that stress on yourself,” your thumb wipes away a stray tear falling down his face. “I want to help you in any way I can. You can always come back to me.”

He subtly nods and looks at you, faces only a breath apart. “I don’t deserve you,” he says quietly, like he’s in disbelief.

He closes the distance, lips finally meeting yours. Your eyes flutter shut, as you continue to cradle his face in your palms. You focus on conveying all your love for him into the kiss. You pull away briefly to move on to his lap as he leans back into the couch. His hands naturally fall on your hips as you get impossibly close.

You break the kiss again, “Promise not to leave me again,” you plead, but your tone is much lighter this time. You never wanted to leave his arms again.

He looks up at you, eyebrows furrowing a bit, “I can’t promise that,” you give him a sad smile, already knowing that. His hand leaves your hip to push a stray hair behind your ear, “but I can promise that I will talk to you more and show you how much you mean to me more often. ”

You genuinely smile at that.

“This is important to me,” he says, pulling you closer, emphasizing his words, “you’re important to me.”

“I love you”

“I love you too,”

You lean back in to kiss him again, smiling in between because you’re happy to have your Steve back. And you know things will get better from here. There’s still going to be some tough nights when you miss him and he can’t be there, but you know he’ll be missing you just as much. You won’t have to doubt his love for you again.

You pull away once more, “Remember how you said, you’d make it up to me?” you question with a mischievous look in your eye.

“Yeah,” he says looking at you expectantly.

You simply raise your eyebrows and smirk at him. He catches on and mouths an “oh”.

You’re lifted from the couch so you latch onto Steve’s shoulders, giggling loudly at the sudden movement. He carries you into your bedroom, where he definitely made up for lost time.

You slept much easier that night.

hope you enjoyed reading! 🤍 reblogs and feedback are much appreciated!! let me know if you liked it :) 

[radioves]

Rating DSMP characters [+ some variants] by on how easily i could beat them in hand to hand combat based solely on personal bias

be warned i might get personal but as a disclaimer this is all a joke and i prommy i dont actually dislike anyone at all i just have a seething hatred for everything that breathes <3

i probably missed someone GLARINGLY obvious but i literally did all of this from memory. give me a break

Dream - Built like a twig. Relies completely on weapons and is way too cocky for his own good. I could probably take him out just by shoving him to the ground. Would still probably end up dealing psychic damage to me just by the way he talks. 7/10

Dream XD - that is literally just god. but then again what is a god to a nonbeliever. if i die i die. 2/10

George - White boy twink. I dont think this man has ever fought in his life. Bones are probably atrophied from how much he sleeps. Again I could probably tip him over and hes already done for. 9/10

Sapnap - Could probably actually fold me in half. isnt he also like half demon. not fucking with that. would probably degrade my mental status with that “hey mamas” talk and i would probably end up crying in a corner before i can even touch him. 4/10

Badboyhalo - this dude is like 10 feet tall. not like thats gonna stop me. go for the ankles. tall people do not have rights. 6/10

Skeppy - 2 feet tall. step on him. idc if that isnt canon it is now. would probably be really sharp tho. 8/10

Antfrost - i dont actually know that much about him other than hes a cat. dump a bucket of water on him or something. scruff him ig. 7/10

Schlatt - again would probably actually be able to fight. could very easily throw me off a balcony. though i feel like he would make a show of it at first. go for the throat when he isn’t watching. 6/10

Tubbo - he may have access to nukes but this is still hand to hand. would probably be a fairer fight even if he is short. cause i am too. 5/10

Tommy - a gust of wind could knock him over. i am very much one of the people who finds him annoying. would probably hurt to be around. 8/10

Wilbur - white boy twink #2. i want to kill this man in the first place. theatre kid. tall people still do not have rights. 9/10

Ghostbur - thats a ghost. probably cant even touch him. but i think if i tried enough i my sheer rage would be able to harm him. i dont have many personal grudges against him tho so idk. 6/10

Revivebur - am i allowed to call revivebur a whore yet. 10/10

Techno - could probably crush me like a skittle. that is if he gets the chance. may have won several fistfights with other people but has he ever fought a RAT. BECAUSE HE WOULD PROBABLY JUST KICK ME INTO THE NEARST DRAIN. can at least say i tried. 2/10

Phil - i feel like if i threw a rock at him his bones would shatter like toothpicks. now replace that rock with me. 7/10

Ranboo - TALL PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE RIGHTS. 9/10

Punz - again idk much about him but from what ive seen he kinda deserves to have his ankles bitten. all comes down to if i can even get to him to do so. again i still think he relies on weapons over skill. 6/10

Purpled - all i know about him is that hes an alien who had his house blown up several times. i sometimes remember there is a tumblr user who goes to the same school as him. i dont know what that has to do with literally anything but i think its funny. 6/10

Ponk - this dude is somehow just as rabid as me. would probably also start biting too. they scare me. i happen to value my ankles. 4/10

Sam - horse. knock one of his legs out. 7/10

Niki - looks innocent at first until you remember her history with various amounts explosives. ive seen what this girl can do. i fear for my life. 3/10

Puffy - again still dont know much about her. literally the only clip ive seen of her was at schlatts funeral where everyone was making fun of him. every time i see someone mention her i can only think of the betty white tweet. 6/10

Fundy - twink boy whos a furry this time. i dont know what he ever did besides cause wars but i dont really hate him that much. still not gonna stop me. 7/10

Quackity - again i feel like hes never fought in his life. i mean he did but that doesnt count. kick his ankles in and go for the throat. 7/10

Slime - i wouldnt fight him. and even if i did want to hes literally made out of slime. i feel a pressure washer would work but tools arent allowed. 0/10

Foolish - 200 feet tall. no. 1/10

Hbomb - mans is just living his life bro. it wouldnt be fair to fight him. but i feel if i did i would get folded anyways. 4/10

Lazar - fortnite youtuber. 9/10

Vikkstar - minecraft founder. 1/10

Corpse - idk why hes here. idk why hes even on the server. im gonna fight him anyways. im gonna lose to a man in a hooters outfit. 2/10

MrBeast - what. 8/10

[themoonandhersun]

I think Tumblr ate my last ask, so... For the ask game: 9, 12, 16, 25, 33 💖

hey!!! thank u for sending these in!!!! <333 :D

also, tumblr didn’t eat ur last ask, i’ve just been taking my time w answering the asks 😭😭 i’m sorry for taking so long omg. you asked for 39 in the last one and here it is! btw i can’t bring myself to delete the other ask u sent in so now it’s just gonna sit in my inbox forever, and i am okay with that

9. favorite brand of clothing?

i don’t necessarily have a favorite, i just buy what’s cheap/nice when i get the chance—but when i had my job and i had money to spend, i would buy nike. so...i guess nike, even tho i haven’t bought anything from that brand in a while...cause i am broke now. but it’s okay tho! i have what i need and that’s what matters! :D

12. what’s the most interesting school gossip you’ve ever heard?

tw /// nsfw!!!!!

i don’t know if this counts bc it’s just a rumor i heard, but a girl in my grade was apparently going to give a blowjob to her one of her guy friends....on the school bus....while the guy’s friend would record it. it never happened, just to be clear 😭😭😭 we were in sophomore year of high school, too. we were all young, so like- i don’t know. i don’t even know.

i hope that girl is okay tho. she went through stuff and she transferred schools when sophomore year ended.

people would say she actually did suck her friend’s dick, but i honestly doubt it bc the video never circulated around/i rode the same bus as her and she would get off before me. that’s not enough time to suck a dick without having a bus full of teen noticing. also i overheard her guy friend suggesting she do it and i....don’t remember what she said/don’t remember if i even heard what she said in the first place, so yeah—i don’t think she did it. i really doubt she did it.

there’s other rumors that my high school had tbh, but this is the main one i remember bc i told my best friend about it and we talked about it. i don’t remember what we said—it was a few years ago—but i remember we were shocked at the rumor.

bc.....who would suck a dick in a bus full of teens while having it being recorded???? what the fuck😭😭😭

16. if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?

i would get a tattoo of my dad’s bday and my mom’s on my shoulders in roman numerals!!! my dad’s on the left and my mom’s on the right! :D

25. what’s something you can’t stop buying?

stuffed animals! they’re so cute and so soft and they comfort me :’))) they also remind me of my childhood so yeah :’))) i haven’t bought any in a while tho bc of quarantine but when i get out of quarantine i’m gonna buy the biggest stuffed animal i see!!! idc idc im gonna have to!!!

33. what do you think about a lot

you’re acting as if my answer will be anything besides zutara 😳 here’s a tweet about them and my responses 😌😌💞 they really invented soulmatism!!!

[neverheardnothing]

thanks for the tag @willroland :)

why did you choose your url?

well i grew up on the internet in the early 2010s so i was obsessed with starkid which lead to musical theater in general which lead to dear evan hansen which lead to will roland which lead to be more chill which lead to joe iconis and that hasn’t lead anywhere else because i’m so far up this man’s ass he could tell me to jump and i’d give him 5 million dollars for a bloodsong of love revival. anyway. funny enough it was because i was so up will roland’s ass that i gave joe iconis’ music outside of bmc a chance (back when he tweeted out a thread of joe iconis songs the night before the tonys). and he was right. he has taste even if all i see from him nowadays is globe twitter. anyway. never heard nothing (along with the bar song, try again, and last on land) is the quintessential joe iconis song in my humble opinion. but also my opinion is backed up by joe so. i’ll just let him say it.

here’s a link to the song. listen to it if you have any interest in joe iconis and his work.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

yeah this is actually a sideblog. my main is @cockbiteproductions which is personal + rooster teeth. every day i want to throw rocks at mcyt fans but i myself am a rooster teeth fan and so my house is very glass and breakable. and then there’s marvel @sebastianskywalker (can you guess who was excited by the idea of sebastain stan playing young luke? lol). star trek @jimtiberivskirk. star wars @fulcrumahsoka. anime @kvchiki. and that’s the important ones. i use this one and my main the most though. which is already almost not at all these days.

how long have you been on tumblr?

hahahahahaha. 2012. fuck.

do you have a queue tag?

yeah it’s “swiss fucking queue” which is from when michael jones says “swiss fucking cheese goddammit” in his impossible game rage quit. everyone on my main gets it but i hope anyone who sees it on my sideblogs gets confused because it’s the same queue tag across all my blogs.

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i was about to say “well my first blog was fandom” and then i realized that applies to literally all of them. so yeah. fandom. i generally make a sideblog when i want to make new fandom friends because none of my current friends are into the thing i am into. it works well.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

will roland. because will roland. when my bio said “joe iconis and will roland” it wasn’t lying. but anyway i like projecting on characters wrol plays.

why did you choose your header?

it’s off this set lol. same photoshoot as the one from my icon.

what’s your post with the most notes?

lol it’s this shit gifset i made of nik dodani as jared in the deh movie trailer. he actually reposted a video of him scrolling through it on his insta story. which is unfortunate because it looks like shit. i usually have flux on while using any device and i turned it off while making this but i guess my brain is just fucked about it now because it’s 1. way not bright enough 2. way too yellow. ugly as shit.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? uh i think getting close to 400 idk tho. idc. i just come here to scream about musical theater i rarely care about clout.

how many people do you follow?

idk around 750. a girls gotta sustain like 5 different blogs. that + never using tumblr anymore means i never see what anyone posts ever unless i go to their blog directly lol.

have you made a shitpost?

this blog is 1/3 shitpost 1/3 rando reblogs 1/3 ranting about joe iconis shit no one else cares about

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

im spiteful so it’s an immediate no reblog from me. but i also dont really blog about social justice or anything much anymore. so unless a post has drastically altered how i think about a topic for the better i dont reblog it.

do you like tag games?

yeah! they’re fun. i’ll take any opportunity to talk about myself. + i generally learn something about the person who tagged me.

do you like ask games?

yeah! i get too anxious about reblogging them though lol i dont want people to think i want attention even though im an evil little attention whore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

famous? on this sideblog? no one lol. not necessarily famous but @nothingunrealistic is probably one of the people that has the most longevity in the deh fandom on here so they have a decent amount of followers from that i assume. @unproduciblesmackdown and @kkamikazed also draw good fucking art so they get clout like that lol. i think @annabelle--cane is also like. decently large? idk. no one in this tiny niche subsection of musical theater tumblr is really tumblr famous though. that’d be a nightmare lol. wait there might be one person i think that’s a sideblog but i can’t remember who lol.

do you have a crush on a mutual?

thank fucking god no. could you imagine?

well i already mentioned @nothingunrealistic​ @unproduciblesmackdown @kkamikazed and @annabelle--cane earlier so i guess them. only if yall wanna tho. also @talkfine​ @rovermcfly​ if yall wanna do this. and anyone who wants to talk about themself go for it.

[naturetorn]

a list of random ocs:

UNO.  (ju/no tem/ple as) charlie __ a bartender at the ice berg lounge. she sees a lot of shit. she’s also a super bad employee, not in the sense that she doesn’t know how to do her job or does it badly, but as in: i’m gonna call up someone and tell them i just overheard some Bman Rogue chat about his next Villainous Plan. ‘oh yeah, they were sitting at a table right next to the bar. yes. yes. no. well..... yes. okay. damn they’re looking at me. yeah, sure. no, no i won’t approach them directly. i mean...... i am going to approach them but only cause they ordered a sex on the beach and i gotta bring it to them but other than that.. alright see ya. good chat’

so anyway she’s just like that. and oswald has fired her a couple of times but she’s actually a really good bartender and there aren’t many good ones around that are also willing to work in a place that is often a rendez vous for villains and she doesn’t steal shit from the inventory so like ...... damn it she applied again, i guess i’m gonna hire her. and she’s like. good. and has fun. and sometimes, yes, she gets terrified but she’s pretty sure she’s not going to get killed any time soon cause her drinks are really damn good. she just needs to work on ratting out people’s evil plans, according to oswald. charlie, instead, is of the opinion that they gotta stop talking so loud. she’s a law abiding citizen, what do they think she’s going to do when she hears someone planning a bank robbery or this or that ???

DUE. (i don’t actually have a fixed fancast for her yet or a name, she just exists)  a nurse at arkham asylum. she has seen some shit. she’s kinda fucking tired. she keeps coming in to work though cause bills don’t pay themselves and, honestly?  she hasn’t gone through med school just to quit after a couple of life-threatening situations. she’s got shit covered. and she’s a nurse not a doctor, so there’s like no chance she’s also going to turn to a life of crime and get on the other side of the bars. seriously, she has everything under control. she likes to be as good as she possibly can, keeps herself honest. and even though arkham’s staff is (sometimes) sketchy at best there are still a few good peeps and they’re all just trying to do what they’re supposed to: help. it’s not exactly a walk in the park but she’s fucking trying. okay so this oc hasn’t moved much past me thinking up ‘omg but a nurse at arkham tho’ but i love her still.

TRE.  i saw a smol video on facebook about this guy just walking around and doing ‘mean’ things but it’s actually cause he’s trying to save all these people (like, he trips up a kid running after his ball cause otherwise he would have been run over by a van; he pushes someone back so he can stop and not get crushed by this thing falling from one of the upper floors of a building, stuff like that) cause he’s some sort of guardian angel or something and i just like thought of how much someone like this would have to do in a place like gotham. everyone is in danger. always. fucking always. so it’d be a guardian angel of sorts, just existing out of time but choosing to stay in gotham for a little while cause ‘damn... these people really need some fucking help’ and i did picture lu//cy li/u as this angel and i think they’d go with them/they pronouns & prefer to have a female appearance just to look a bit more approachable and friendly. i mean that is stereotypical cause u don’t have to look past gotham to see that women can be just as dangerous but maybe u understand what i mean and i don’t look too much like an asshole. and tbh i suppose they could shapeshift but i think i’d want them to just keep the same face always? don’t ask i literally just saw this video this morning and i’ve been in a daze of laziness the entire day so i haven’t really thought much past ‘mh... maybe lucy’d be a good faceclaim for them’ i’m not good at thinking up ocs

QUATTRO.  this one is an old one, and if i remember correctly i did mention her a couple of times here already. she’s my very first oc since i came back to roleplaying as pamela. like i’ve had ocs before but hadn’t really thought about making one in ages when she popped up at least half a year ago and i always pictured kri//sten st//ewart as her but honestly anyone goes. i also thought of zo/e kra//vitz’d be a good choice but literally idc she could be anyone. the point is i always start from the jobs apparently. i was thinking about someone who works at a coffee shop, but only during the night shift. i’m talking, the entire night. like she starts at something ridiculous like eleven or midnight and gets to go home when the sun comes up and she has the weirdest, craziest encounters. there’s heroes, anti-heroes, vigilantes sometimes stumbling in in full get-up just to get a cheer me up. but there’s also fucking rogues just popping in like ‘could i get a caramel macchiato, skinny latte. no foam. with caramel drizzle and vanilla syrup. make it extra hot and add whipped cream’ and she’s like ‘alrightio’. i suppose this can only be true if my hypothetical writing partners (or those who have these characters would be okay with it but it’s so harmless and fun ??)

i just imagine her filling the dead pauses in between one costumer and the other with tweets. ‘so..... har/ley quinn just stopped by. she looked cute but in a hurry, like the new boots she was wearing tho” “so batgirl was in. the blonde one. she was so nice! she apologized like fifty times and left a huge tip. love her”

getting back to the fancast tho, i keep changing my mind cause i’m thinking someone super sweet/nice/friendly looking, someone who always smiles and is always cheerful would be brilliant tbh. but also imagine someone who looks like she’s going to fuck shit up just sounds amusing to me ??? idk.

anyway this is written super badly cause i got distracted a thousand different times and like ??? don’t actually have any of these really fleshed out. i don’t think about ocs much cause i’m shit at it but they do still come up and i try to play with the ideas i get. as u can see, these are all set in gotham cause i’m dc trash and two of them work somewhere that serves drink cause i’m an unoriginal fuck !! also, wow.