#id stab myself for her

[imgonnagetyoubacktv]

dni.

[lovecrazedpup]

i dont want to sleep

[transmascutena]

more utena text posts :)

[ID: Revolutionary Girl Utena screencaps overlaid with text posts.

Akio + "my students are the most diverse group of psychologically tormented people youve ever seen"

Mikage + @/gyuto: "in my evil fucking lab doing whatever the fuck"

Touga in the passenger seat beside Akio + @/fantasialuna: "being pretty in the passenger seat is just one of my many fortes"

Anthy smiling falsely + @/chaoticneutralcunt: "girl who is sitting in a chair quietly with a neutral expression actually screaming very loudly in her head"

Anthy smiling falsely while hiding a saw behind her back + @/storm-of-feathers: "oh teehee I'm in a silly goofy mood (I am hanging on by a fucking thread)"

Utena and Anthy reaching out across their semicircular beds which face each other + "if you ever feel embarrassed just remember that in middle school I tried to convince myself that I wasn't gay by making a compromise to myself to "only be gay at night""

Anthy with her glasses completely opaque while on the phone with Akio + @/melangedmess: "babygirl I can feel guilty in ways you can't even imagine"

Akio looking imposing + @/evilmario666: "I'm a reliable narrator. You can trust me"

Anthy stabbing Utena + ThatWolfdog @/thatwolfdog: "Gays be having bad breakups without even dating."

Anthy smiling after leaving Ohtori + "i could escape the narrative actually. rip to the rest of you but i'm going to get out of here."

[speakofthedebbie]

@manicali still inspiring me to chase my dreams so have some hazbin hotel incorrect quotes i made a while ago + four actually new ones (dividers cuz the last one hurt my eyes lol)

---

alastor: overall, id say that experience was a net positive! vaggie: YOU KILLED AN ENTIRE BLOODLINE! alastor: net positive

kill em with kindness saga

charlie: if you kill someone with anything, kill em with kindness! angel: instructions unclear, i killed them with a tommy gun named kindness

---

vaggie: alastor, why the fuck is there a dead sinner at our dining table?!? alastor: first of all, how dare you assume it was me- vaggie: literally who else would it be. alastor: -second of all, charlie told us the other day to "kill em with kindness" so i baked them a pie alastor: it was poisoned

---

alastor: i toe the line between confidence and arrogance every day lucifer: i thought we all agreed that you are like. firmly on the arrogance side

--- (i altered the next one but you wouldnt know that)

alastor: you roughhouse with a guy one time and suddenly youre in timeout vaggie: alastor, you tried to kill him. and he was a guest alastor: key word being tried. hes still kicking, so i think i shouldnt be in trouble vaggie: do you know how many fucked up people would be walking the streets if that was how the world worked? alastor: i know. im one of them

---

alastor: i only kill people who kinda deserved it vaggie: then whats with the dead sinner at your feet? alastor: he was saying something about women belonging in the kitchen vaggie: vaggie: ...fair

---

charlie: al, what are you doing? alastor: stress release! charlie: ...youre stabbing a very life-like doll of my dad alastor: as i said, stress release!

---(the hotel needs a therapist frfr)

lucifer: who doesnt have a bit of existential dread in the morning? charlie: ...everyone??? husk: thats not normal? alastor: damn it angel: fuck! vaggie: oof niffty: *maniacal laughter in the corner* charlie: should i call someone???

---(charlie please get everyone a therapist trust exercises arent enough)

charlie: and what do we do when we feel overwhelmed? angel: drugs! alastor: go on a murder spree! niffty: a roach murder spree! lucifer: self-isolate for millennia! husk: drink until i forget what feelings are vaggie: irrationally hate on everyone! charlie: no!

---(luci the typa guy to talk to his cat frfr. maybe he actually understands her idk) [these next ones are actually new. yeah i had a bit of a backlog]

lucifer: hmm.. what about you, keekee? keekee: meow lucifer: my thoughts exactly

---

lucifer: pancakes are the best breakfast food! alastor: id beg to differ lucifer: Then beg.

---

lucifer: shower thoughts in the rain are still shower thoughts. if you think about it alastor: why am i in love with you again lucifer: i ask myself that question everyday :)

---

alastor: what can i say, i aim to please lucifer: you have never said a nice thing to me in your life alastor: i love you :) lucifer: you have said one nice thing to me in your life

oki bye

[angomay]

[ID: Two excerpts from Harrow The Ninth. The 1st reads: "I am talking about forgetting, you big-mouthed warrior nunlet," she said, and examined her fingernails, and levered a glob of dried-up green from her thumb with a brief flash of nausea. "Good God! Try taking Coronabeth's memories from me... I'd kill you myself. Love—don't make that face, child, I have loved plenty—true love is acquisitive. You keep anything... strands of hair... an envelope they might've licked... a note saying, Good morning, simply because they wrote it to you. Love is a revenant, Gideon Nav, and it accumulates love-stuff to itself, because it is…

The 2nd reads: "This whole thing happened because you wouldn't face up to Gideon dying," he said, which was a stab as precise as any Nonius had managed. "I don't blame you. But where would you be, right now, if you'd said: She is dead? You're keeping her things like a lover keeping old notes, but with her death, the stuff that made her Gideon was destroyed. That’s how Lyctorhood works, isn't it? She died. She can't come back, even if you keep her stuffed away in a drawer you can't look at. You're not waiting for her resurrection; you've made yourself her mausoleum." End ID]

thinking about these side by side always

[coriphallus]

A little rant on patch 6 and the implications for bg3's future

Okay, bear with me for a sec its gonna go somewhere eventually. My first bg3 run (thats spammed here on this blog) i played ascended astarion/dark urge romance where i picked the reject bhaal and become the absolute ending.

as it was my first playthrough on release i was vibrating off mt seat and i didnt really have elaborate HCs or anything, i was just doing a quick evil run until the bugs get sorted out. i didn't think much beyond "yes this dude would want the shiny stones for himself"

first time i saw astarion enthralled, i was confused. he asked me to do it, he was quite insistent on it since the beginning of the game. i was confused for a couple of hours, digesting the entire game i just played. Then it hit me; the game was calling me out. it was telling me ive been stupid for not having seen this coming and at that point i felt awe.

it was right, everything pointed to this, it was right in front of my eyes all i needed was to connect the dots that the game laid out quite visibly and i was just too caught up to see.

'well my durge would never do that' didnt matter because thats exactly what the companions thought. Gale thought the powers of an insatiable weave wouldnt corrupt him, that he'd stay true to himself, shadowheart thought shar had blessed and her she'd guide her, that she could be her true self under her influence, astarion thought he'd be free, that he'd cherish the bond he'd made with the player but at the end of the day power reveals; and when that power is acquired through the corpses of thousands its quite evident that Absolute power corrupts absolutely. IT WAS IN THE FKIN NAME.

it was a shining bait i was so focused on getting my hands on that i didn't look back to see the mountain of corpses i had to step on to get there. the game was telling me 'HEY LOOK AT EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE TO GET HERE, LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE OTHERS WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD ACHIEVE THIS, DO YOU THINK YOU'D HOLD HANDS AND SING KUMBAYA WITH YOUR FRIENDS AFTER ALL THIS?'

just as there was never an option where frodo could stab saurons flaming eyeball and sit on his throne with the ring on his finger and sam at his side, there was never an ending i could get my 'happy ending' the way id like it to. i wanted frodo to remain in middle earth and have some peace in the end, i didnt understand how he was 'too changed' to remain and sam wasnt when i first read the books. i was angry even, that i didnt get what i wanted. it wasnt like tolkien haphazardly put together an ending out of his ass bcs he didnt know what to do with the characters, its not that he didn't think while writing that the fans would hate it, he wrote a story that achieved its catharsis by reaching its narrative conclusion. it couldnt have done that any other way. it was deliberate. i may not have understood or agreed at the time but it was the story he wanted to tell, and it wouldnt be one of the greatest stories ever told if the writer wanted to please a 10 y/o like myself.

it was never out of character for my durge at all, i was just blissfully avoiding the NARRATIVE.

months later we get this absolute narrative abomination:

and all i can say is im worried.

im worried bcs this is a clear disrespect to the story they've written, im worried bcs if they can do off with huge plot elements and beats such as this just like that it shows a lack of commitment to their own plot and if a huge Point of the game can be treated like a minor mistake than what else can? was is just a lack of oversight that laezel gets killed under vlaakith? can it be waved off if enough vlaakith loving gith players come together and shout loud enough that they want to ride alongside their queen with their gith gf?

what part of the game is tangible to hold on to, and after two years worth of patches that are made to appease the fans at the expense of the story, will it still be the game i fell in love with?

i dont blame the fans for wanting, i blame the devs for delivering. that they could sacrifice the integrity of a pretty straightforward story bodes ill tidings for the future of this game.

yes i wanted this feature, but i was glad i wasn't given it. i may have been confused and slightly miffed that i didn't get to reign supreme with my evil bf, but i immensely respected the game that could call me out on it. i wish they could show the same respect to their own writing.

[rk-ceres]

Pretty Girl- George Weasley

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader (Season of love event) Fred Weasley x Reader(platonic)

Timeline: 6 months after the battle of Hogwarts

Summary: Reader gets injured in the war saving Fred's life, after the war she wakes up six months later and falls in love with George who has been taking care of her loooooooooooonggggggg ass fic. had an idea and ran with it mutual pining (strangers to)/friends to lovers I just thought this idea was cute

Warnings: no use. of y/n or y/h/n its just ____, written in first person, crass language, some dirty jokes here and there, nothing physical, slow burn, !FRED LIVES!, reader is a flirt, mentions of death in the war, reader looses a leg in the war, George takes on care taker role for Fred after he gets injured after he was saved by reader, and any others i missed

A/N: decided to take a stab at the season of love event that one of my favorite writers are hosting right now and half way through i really wished i made this a series but i guess this works better as a long one shot with room for more parts. Theres just so much you can do with this imho but it is what it is sorry for the long ass read it was just too much fun to write this ended to where i could add on parts if i really wanted too so if it seemed unfinished i dunno 🤷‍♀️

My eyes fluttered open and hissed at the light in the room everything hurt groaning out in pain as i sat up “oh good.. youre awake. I was getting pretty lonely being in here the only one conscious” Fred called out to me as i rubbed the eye that wasn't covered in gauze “not to be rude or anything but where am i?” i asked moving my hand to rub the back of my neck feeling the popping groaning in some relief throwing a leg over the bed “whats the last thing you remember?” He asked looking at me i rolled my eyes yawning out “I was fighting back to back with one of Percy’s twin brothers… i found him after…. After Penny died…im not sure which twin i was fighting with… i didnt have the time to pick out the differences. Or ask… we were outnumbered ten to three… the minister of magic came in Percy made a god awful joke…. Which we all shared there was an explosion that flew me and the twin i was with against eachother before the wall could come down on us i put up a shield…. And then everything went black” he shifted on to his side “it was me, you saved me.” He smiled “youre Fred?” i asked finally looking at him taking in his broadening smile obviously thrilled that he had someone to talk too “yeah. Im Fred. And to answer your question, youre in George’s bed. We’re at my flat in the shop” he explained “what am i doing in George’s bed in your flat in your shop?" i made a confused face "i know i didn't fall asleep after an intense love making session after a night in the pub so forgive me i am a little confused" i huffed "no. you didn't sleep with my brother. not yet anyway" he rolled his eyes speaking in an amused voice “youre in his bed because after you saved me. The ground gave way under you. And you fell through three floors of the castle, you scratched your face on the rebar on your way down. It missed your eye by a centimeter. I carried you to Pomfrey, You were in a coma for about five months almost six. I insisted that id be the one to help you recover and with your physical therapy after you saved my life. My Fiancėe Angelina would’ve taken care of your injuries for me since you know… im a guy and youre a chick. Then i went and got myself blown up by Bellatrix trying to save my sister… I failed her and now? we’re in the same boat. George turned his room into our recovery room since its the biggest of the two. Angel even agreed to it. Shes really grateful to you. She and mums been taking care of your chest wound seeing as how youre a woman, George handles your eye and… and your leg.” he smiled filling in the details. “What do you mean my leg? physical therapy?” i asked confused furrowing my eyebrows pulling the blanket off of my waist i looked down at my legs to see my right leg had been amputated above the knee “Madame Pomfrey had to take it before you succumbed. Part of the wall fell on it and it was irreparable. I killed the death eater that did that to you” my eyes started to water breathing heavily because it looked like it was so close to killing me i was relieved that i was still alive "love... hey… calm down its okay” he tries to stand but winces falling back to his bed when a loud sob wracks through my lips “shit… GEORGE! GET IN HERE GEORGE NOW!” He yelled suddenly bursted through the door “she just woke up” he told his twin she started to dry heave he wordlessly pulled me into his chest “shhhhh youre okay love its okay.. youre safe.. youre safe.. Pretty girl youre safe.. Percy sat in here with you for two months straight” he cooed they stayed like that as he comforted me when i finally composed myself enough i pulled back slightly  “thank you” i whispered to him “sorry for ruining your nice shirt… i didnt.. i didnt mean to George” i said louder scooting back to leab my back against his headboard “dont worry about that beautiful, its just tears. im sorry you found out that way” he said softly kneeling by the edge of the bed

“Fred was supposed to WAIT to tell you.” He glared at his twin he smiled sheepishly “I didnt expect her to pull her blanket off!” Fred defended himself “that’s enough out of you Fred” he hissed “im George” he smiled at her gently "______ Barebone, I was a ______…" thinking back to my house in school "in your year. Friends with your brother he dated my best friend” “Penny” we said together and i smiled “youre sitting up on your own. Thats a good thing.” He smiled gently at me “is it alright if i checked your eye?” i bit my lip and nodded at him gently. “Can i borrow your owl to write Percy? I want to make sure he’s alright, we both lost Penny" i said barely audible “of course Pretty Girl let me just finish up here i'll get you parchment and a quill when mum and Ange get here” he chuckled He unwrapped the bandage on her face i hissed at the dull pain in my left eye “good… good love, dilation is good. Can you follow my finger for me?” He asked softly “you're tracking well with your left eye sweetheart.” He mumbled he softly covered my right eye with his palm “can you see anything lovely?” He asked “I see your nose… but its blurry” clearly unaffected by his testing of pet names and terms of endearment  he smiled “it looks like the cuts on your face will scar but Fred and I developed a cream that’ll make it go away in a month if you want to use it. I dont have to put the bandage back on… Is it okay if I check your leg?” He asked being extra aware with me being awake and aware of everything he got consent before making physical contact and i nodded not minding the physical contact he slowly cut away the bandages “any pain?” he looked up at me with his green eyes  “just my side” i whispered “yeah, Fred and Percy said you hit a lot of rebar going down after the wall. I’ll let mom and Ange know to up your healing regimen on your side" he sighed looking back at my leg "so wanna tell me why im in your bed and not in St Mungo's right now?" i asked "y'know men usually take girls out to dinner before having their way them in their bed... with their brother watching... never been one for exhibitionistm you know" i teased he snorted "that'd be the voyeur's fault" George winked pointing back to Fred teasingly "thanks for saving him by the way. don't worry Madame Pomfrey stops by every two weeks and she trained both me and Mum to take care of your daily needs. You're in good hands Angel" He added “incision looks good, you can start using the wheel chair youre a little ways away from getting a prosthetic” he smiled “George dear its time to change her….” “Shes up mum” George smiled “I’ll come back in a few minutes with lunch and your potions. I’ll send a quick Owl to Percy as well” He stood up after wrapping her leg then leaving the room giving the women privacy

ଘ(∩^o^)⊃━☆:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧✯:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧✯:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧✯:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧✯:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ

“Afternoon love. You look stunning today” Fred smiled when Angelina gave him a lingering kiss "get a room Voyeur" i stuck my tongue out at Fred he let out a fake offended gasp at me "excuse me ma'am, YOU'RE the one watching ME doesn't that make you the voyeur" he protested "well look at the kettle calling the cauldron black" i retorted "ooh you're just as annoying as..." Molly quickly cut him off before he could mention Ginny pulling the divider so he couldn't see her disrobing “heavens Angelina you're fine shes awake” Molly smiled “Molly Weasley love, ive been taking care of your side. Angies been helping while you were under” she smiles at me "_____, but George has been calling me Love, Pretty girl, Beautiful, Sweetheart, Angel... basically any pet name he can think of. quite endearing" i said with a small smile taking off the hospital gown they put me in “im Angelina, I wanted to thank you for saving my Fiancé” she gently taking off the bandages on my chest “it wasnt an issue I think he returned the favor and then some seeing as how he got blown up just seconds after i saved his behind” i chuckled glaring through the divider "I HEARD THAT BRATT! its not my fault that Bellatrix was a crazy witch out for blood" Fred protested "i fell through three floors for you. i get to have this!" i protested back “he didnt have to do much convincing. George was going to ask you to Yule ball, and any one who keeps that dingleberry alive is a friend in my book” Angie smiled breaking up the sibling squabble we were having “lift your arms for us?” Molly asked when Angelina finally got the bandage off “he was going to ask me to the ball?” I asked wincing when my arms came up armpit height dropping them slightly “ive got you girl” Angelina caught my arms and lifted so Molly could repair the split skin “yeah, he was. George wouldn’t stop talking about it for weeks then McClaggen beat him to it. Sulked for weeks on end” Angie shook her head in amusement "he wouldnt stop moaning about it either" Fred chimed in "he was worse than moaning Myrtle" you could hear the disgust and teasing in his voice “thats sweet. He probably would’ve been a better choice. McClaggen was an arse” i smiled “your cut seems to be healing well, looks like you still have that infection. I’ll add the antibiotics back into your medicine” Molly smiled as she wrapped the bandage back around my chest taking down the divider again Fred promptly flipped me off where i just stuck my tongue out at him again

“Alright George, Fred, we’ll be off” Molly smiled “see you later love, have a good day at work. mum” Fred kissed Angie “call if you need anything George” Angelina smiled he nodded “Take these” George handed her the potions he sat on his bed next to her as he held the empty ones and handed me the full potion phials “how you feeling Pretty girl?” “Like i fell three floors out of a castle” i gagged drinking the potions that tasted exactly like feet "ugh you think that theyd be kind to people who almost die" i choked out  he chuckled “i would’ve said yes by the way” he cocked an eyebrow a me “Ange told her that you were going to ask her to Yule ball” Fred filled in “i wouldve said yes, McClaggen was a dick” i handed him the empty phials as he handed me the full bottles “we can go dancing later if you wanted too, i enjoy dancing i usually go to the muggle clubs on 5th. They have salsa nights, or ball room dancing. You know. to make up for the ball” i smiled his blush grew “i might just take you up on that when youre ready and comfortable enough on your new leg” he fell into a playful flirtation “even with one leg sir, i can out dance you” gaining a laugh from Fred “if youre already joking about having only one leg what was all that crying about?” “FRED!” George tried to scold “Honestly?” i cut him off looking to Fred “i was just glad it was my right leg. I had a bad tattoo that i had to get removed. Someone shouldve told that eater he didnt need to go THAT extreme” i jested “tattoo?” George asked “it was a swallow. It used to match my mom. honestly it really was a bad tattoo” i smiled “you think the healers would let me get a peg leg? OOH! I could even get an eye patch!” They both erupted into laughter “nah im just pulling your right legs since you know i dont have one” “alright alright stop!! It hurts to laugh dick head!” “HEY! Its peg leg to you! I dont have a dick. Or a dick head for that matter. But i will have a fake leg.” i yelled at Fred playfully he just laughed harder at that “ARG MATEY!”  The three share a laugh George catches his breath “who wouldve known you were so funny” he gave her a toothy grin that turned into a closed mouth smile “i make light of bad situations. My brother, ____. He used to call me sunshine and sing this stupid muggle song ‘ive got sunshine… on a cloudy day… when its cold out side, ive got the month of May….’” i laughed “my girl. From the temptations. He used to call me sunshine” “who knew you could sing” Fred Jested “i cant. But he could” i smiled at Fred “you have a brother?” George asked “Had” i smiled “took a curse for me told me to go find mum and dad, Dad died outside the room of requirement, protecting firsties. And my mom… she was tortured near the beginning.” i smiled sadly “Ginny ended up passing too” he smiled sadly she gave him a sympathetic smile squeezing his hand “i was crying because it looked like it came this close to crushing me entirely and for some reason im still alive. Something from the grace of Merlin im alive, i was happy that im Alive” i looked at George who was looking at me with a guilty expression

“come on handsome… wheres that pretty smile you had on for me i worked hard for that you know. Im not a good flirt. I was hoping youd lead, and hopefully ask me to dinner or coffee if i played my cards right. Its not every day someone as pretty as you are is willing to take care of me to laugh with me or at me” i reached up to his face he leaned into my touch chuckling completely red in the face “im okay, we four knew what was going on and what was at risk im okay. Promise.” i smiled softly at him he smiled “Handsome huh?” “You called me beautiful when im obviously a mess.” i shrugged he started smiling again she noticed his dimples and the way his cheeks creased and my face heated up “theres my pretty smile… you have really really pretty eyes… and dimples…. Did i mention i have a thing for guys with dimples.” i smiled rubbing a thumb on his cheek he looked down and back up to my eyes trying to find the right words “youre pretty even if youre a mess” he smiled softly “yep thats it. Ive decided. Youre the handsome twin.” “HEY!” Fred protested “take that!” George smiled laughing at triumphantly like that was an argument theyve had multiple times Fred who was pouting crossing his arms over his chest “youre the nicest twin” She smiled at Fred “acceptable” he smiled at me “im going to get your lunches” he smiled to them “thank you. Can i use your owl again? I need to owl gringots. Get some money for rent and food and care” i muttered to myself “no need. All taken care of” Fred said “you saved me. You dont pay for shit when in our care” he shrugged ending the conversation “do you really want a peg leg?” Fred asked out of the blue “i’ll take what i get.” i shrugged. “At least let me help with groceries” i huffed annoyed “once a month” George bargains “Zero times and shes happy about it” Fred protests “Three times but i let you pay for my prosthetic” she countered “no times, we pay for the prosthetic and she gets what she wants at the shop” fred demanded “we pay for your prosthetic, twice a month, you transfigure your own room, personal care supplies fully yours” George offered “thats a deal i can live with… did you just ask me to move in with you without you asking me out on a date first? When can i expect a proposal? Or should i ask Percy to bring Kingsley and skip to ‘I do’” i smiled at George and he flushed 50 shades of red as Fred snickered “you say youre not good at flirting but this is the third time youve rendered Georgie here speechless” Fred laughed she looked at Fred as he looked back at her “i cant help it i almost died, and lifes too short for me to keep being shy. Theres a first for everything right? Who wouldve known the first man outside of Percy and you i try to actually talk too would flirt with me. He could be my first love, my first actual relationship maybe. He could be my husband one day. Quit butting in youre ruining my shot i dont know how many of these i have you know. Mangled face and peg leg. I wanna get it right the first time! Who knows. Maybe if i flirt enough i’ll get him to fall completely head over heels in love with half of a girl i used to be Perc always told me to put myself out there. What a better time then now?” i shrugged Fred laughed “im not butting out Maam we share a room! Theres no possible way for me to butt out your business IS my business! And with the way youre going Love" Fred called out the way George would say it "he’ll be in love with you by the end of the week” Fred snickered George just shrugged “i had a crush on you in 5th year.” He looked at me it was my turn to be rendered speechless “you wont have to work too hard to make me fall for you Pretty Girl we're already half way there” he shrugged leaving the room leaving me speechless

°✩₊✩°。⋆˚⁺⁺˚⋆。°✩₊✩°。⋆˚⁺⁺˚⋆。°✩₊✩°。⋆˚⁺⁺˚⋆。°✩₊✩☆━(╹-╹’’)

A month had passed Fred was able to start his Physical therapy and Molly wasnt coming by daily anymore “FUCK!” Fred screamed “come on Freddie you can do it!” i cheered him on from my seated position on the bed  “it feels like my insides are going to spill out” He whimpered clinging to Georges shoulder “two more steps Freddie. Just have to make it to the chair” George encouraged “FUCK FUCK” he groaned “almost there Freddie youve got this!” He slowly took another step as i cheered him on "come on Freddie boy make that chair your bitch" i teased  he looked at her and smiled “thanks love.” He smiled taking another step reaching the chair “alright good good sit rest. We’ll go back to bed in 5” he smiles at his twin George looked at me with a smile “time to check my stump handsome?” i looked up to George “yes pretty girl. Time to check your leg, and your eye” he smiled i removed the blanket hissing as she moved further up the bed and turning to throw my leg off the side he sits in the stool next to the bed “any pain?” He asked as he looked at my eye with the flash light “just my side. I think your mom said it was an infection again. Apparently my core isnt strong enough to battle muggle infections.” i shrugged “follow my finger” i watched his finger as he moved it “sometimes it feels like my leg is still there and and its like a sharp pain. But its not there and its weird” i talk as he covers my right eye “i can see your face” i smile at him “she woke up screaming last night” Fred said to the air “she said she was fine her leg just hurt” “why didnt i hear the scream?” He asked as he unwrapped the leg “she casted a muffelito on the room before she fell asleep” Fred ratted her out “tattle tail” i stuck my tongue out at him “brat” he hissed back “Baby!” She teased “toddler!” He yelled back “you have crappy hair!” i crossed my arms over my chest “TAKE THAT BACK!” Fred yelled “MAKE ME YOU CRIPPLE!” George laughed at the banter "PEGLEG!" he stuck his tongue out at me "you two are toddlers" George rolled his eyes  “i… have nightmares. I didnt think it was an issue” i said as he looked at the leg “youre healing fast. Should be able to take the staples out soon, we’ll call madame Pomfrey to come fit you for a prosthetic. Tell me if this hurts” he said as he gently massaged my thigh above the stump i gasped as he gently squeezed “feels great” i said breathily “teach me” i whispered to him he smiled as i placed my hands over his he looked back down putting his hands over mine as he moved my fingers showing me how to ease the pain of the lost leg “it wont hurt forever…” he said softer i smiled at him “thank you George for doing this for me” i looked down “hey. Its handsome to you, Pretty girl, you saved Fred. Its the least I can do.” He kissed the top of my head “youre the kindest person I have ever met… and id get myself crushed over and over again if it meant I got to meet you all over again George. You’re making me fall for you. Is this one sided? Dont make me out to be a fool” i whispered in his ear gently kissing his cheek, his eyes widened in shock at the forwardness and tenderness this girl had for him they’ve only known each-other for about three months at this point he cleared his throat taking his hands off her leg “he's blushing like an idiot again! what did you say to him!” Fred who was watching intently with a bag of crisps “did you accio a bag of crisps?" i furrowed my eyebrows “its not every day i have a front row seat to my brothers love life. There i answered yours now answer mine” Fred rolled his eyes “I told him I thought he has pretty eyes” i fibbed they both know i did he raised an eye brow at me George still staring with red on his cheeks i shrugged

“i didnt lie. He’s…." i blushed looking down “nevermind” i turned over in bed facing the wall he leans over placing a hand on my hip gently and kisses my cheek “youd never be the fool when im with you. Its not one sided. Im the fool love made a whole career out of it. But im also a fool falling in love with the sweetest most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I’m the lucky one to get to take care of her” he whispered into my ear he pushes off the bed “WAIT WHAT DID HE SAY!!!” Fred groaned eating another crisp “thats for her to know. And you to find out NEVER” George said walking toward him “Come on Fred, lets get back to bed” George hoisted him up after putting the crips off to the side “i was eating those!” He pouted “sod the crisps you need to do this pt!” George yelled gaining a laugh from _____. A month had passed since then, “Afternoon Pretty girl, I need to check your stump” he smiled setting my plate of food on the dresser “we can get Pomfrey in here to measure you for your leg soon. And your physical therapy with Fred and I” i smiled back “can you massage my leg handsome? Its starting to hurt again….” i whispered “alright love, just for a little” he smiled she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror i frowned as Fred met my eyes mood immediately dropping “I gotta get down to the shop before Lee bites my head off.” He smiled at me and i returned it “have a good day at work Handsome” “thank you pretty girl” he smiled when the door closed my smile faded as i stared into the mirror tears formed in my eyes Fred looked at her concerned “you okay Love?" Fred whispered “I miss my brother” i sniffled “he always knew what to say” “well im not your brother but im in need for a sister… if youre in need of a brother… i think we both qualify to fill each others open positions yeah?” He asked i turned to him looking at him with tears in my eyes “teach me what to say, let me be your brother love" He looked at me with gentile eyes

“tell me im deserving pf love even if im broken and ugly” i mumbled he was taken aback he took in a breath and smiled “love, you’re gorgeous, George sees how pretty you are and youve got him whipped. You deserve him and the love he wants to give you trust me” hours passed when George walked in with our dinners light sniffles could be heard from the other side of the room my back was turned to him he looked to Fred who just gave him a tight lipped smile and walked to the other side of the room after handing him his plate he set mine down next to my un-touched lunch plate on the bed side table “hey pretty girl…. What’s wrong… you in pain?” i shook my head no “what’s wrong beautiful, tell me what’s the matter how can I make you smile again?” He cooed softly “Dont lie to me” my voice hoarse like i had been crying for hours he reached to wipe away a tear ”what do you mean I’ve never lied to you Beautiful” hurt hit me square in the chest “you just did. You always do.. mangled face, missing leg. I stare at the girl ive become all day that mirror haunts me my own reflection is a reminder that im alone. And im no longer beautiful and its sickening you dont have to keep flirting with me because you feel obligated to. No one wants someone like me. Not anymore im not pretty and im definitely not beautiful. I have no one. No ones here” i sobbed more closing my eyes sniffling “I miss my brother. He would be in this bed with me. Holding me. Telling me to cheer up sunshine the worlds cloudy and gray without you please sunshine smile for me? combing through my hair like he always did holding me together while I fall apart but hes gone. My mums gone. My dads gone. I havent slept in four months the nightmares keep coming back and I just want to cry I cant be the girl that flirts twenty four seven with a guy thats too polite to tell me that it makes him uncomfortable when this is all over im going to be alone again just let mw grieve the loss of my leg, my family, and my face. I have no where to go. All I have is an empty house my best friend died, my leg hurts twenty four seven and I just need to be sad for a few hours can you leave me alone for a few hours I’ll be normal again in the morning I dont need your pity” he continued to wipe the tears off my face as he processed what i said “im not going to stop calling you pretty, and beautiful because thats what I see when I look at you Angel, I mean look at you love…” he said softer “just look at you….. i cant take my eyes off of you… youre just too good to be true the sight of you leaves me weak there are no words left to describe how pretty you are sweetie”  lifting my face in his cupped hands “youre stunning you leave me breathless, all those things you just mentioned are fixable, love, half of what you said isnt true, you really think that Fred and Angelina is going to leave you alone after youre all healed up and better? Youve got another thing coming. Theyre never going to stop you have friends. Percy’s been here every day since we owled. Fred and Angie made it clear youre their person” he smiled softly “im not letting you go either im afraid youre stuck with me you still owe me a date, and a dance” he whispered standing up and draping a blanket over the mirror i cried more as she felt the bed dip behind me he pulled me into his side one arm under my head one on my torso pulling me on my back fingers immediately going to y hair “if you needed someone to hold you. You could’ve just said so I would’ve done this ages ago if you needed it” he brushed his fingers through my hair humming softly

“and you dont have to say anything to me at all. I flirt with you because I enjoy flirting with you. You make me happy and light, you render me speechless and no one. And I mean no one can do that. But you can, thats why I do what I do you dont make me uncomfortable love. I miss Ginny too. She was a spitfire and its hard not having her around anymore, and if its alright, I want to hold you while we cry about our siblings yeah?” He asked i turned on my side draping an arm over his torso “im sorry about Ginny… her and Luna were really nice to me” i sniffled “I need you to eat for me… I’ll eat with you.” He pulled the roll off of my plate, ripping it in half handing it to me “im sorry about your brother Pretty girl" he whispered as he ate making sure i ate some of the food as well

ଘ(∩^o^)⊃━☆:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧✯:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧✯:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧✯:·ﾟ✧*:

A few hours later i let out a yawn d he started to get up out of bed my arm tightened around him feeling safe for the first time since ive woken up seven months ago “stay…” i said softly his shirt balling in my curled hand “please stay tonight” i whispered he let himself fall back into the bed “Darling wha… what do you mean?” He asked softly “Sleep here… in your bed…. I…. I need sleep…. And im scared to….. theyll come back and haunt me” i whispered “mate she hasnt slept in months i stay up with her as long as i can but i always pass put.” Fred piped up blush spread across my cheeks and i let him go flipping over to my other side embarrassed that i needed someone to make me feel safe enough to sleep “nevermind its stupid forget i said anything” i sniffled he simply reached over and turned out the light “i’ll stay for as long as you need me to stay Pretty girl" he kissed the top of my head again pulling me back into his chest his arm under my head curling back to put his hand in my hair other hand engulfing mine “i’ve got sunshine…. On a cloudy day….” He sung softly twirling my hair in his fingers “when its cold outside, ive got the month of may.. well i guess you say what can make me feel this way” she fell asleep holding onto his hand tightly

“George dear” Molly called out “SHHHH!” Fred said getting out of his bed hissing in pain “let them sleep for a little while longer this is the first shes sleeping since she woke up” he looked back to the girl who hid her face in his twins chest “lets go talk outside” Fred smiled one last time at them sleeping before throwing his arm over his mom and leaning on her for support as they walked out of the room shutting the door lightly

three hours later my eyes fluttered open looking at his sleeping face our lips were so close i bit my lip as his breath fanned over my face a surge of confidence emerged heart hammering against my chest i leaned up and gently pressed my lips to his, his brows furrowed as he stretched slightly pulling me impossibly close to him eyes fluttering open “i….. im sorry,. I didnt know what came over me i shouldve asked fir…” i was cut off by his lips on mine the kiss was soft and slow “goodmorning pretty girl, thank you for the amazing wake up” he murmured against my lips kissing her again “dont be sorry beautiful, ive been waiting for that” he cupped my face with his hand my face contorted in pain “thanks for staying” “i told you already baby… im here for as long as you need me to be” i let out a tear “whats the matter pretty girl? Nervous about your new leg?” He asked softly “im actually really excited for that really. Its just that my leg hurts… and its not even there anymore” i cried softly  “it wont hurt forever…” he said softer “i barely have pain in my ear anymore” he smiled showing me his missing ear she reached up and stroked the hair that fell onto the hole on the side of his head “i still think youre gorgeous Georgeous if you will.. ear, or no ear youre perfect to me… so perfect and kind and caring…” i whispered as i kissed the side of his head where his ear wouldve been his eyes widened in shock at the tenderness of this moment, just for him. He chuckles “only you would make that play on words huh? so cheesy Baby" he rubs my cheek with the pad of his thumb “baby youre so beautiful, and i want you..” he whispered moving his face closer to mine “leg or no leg i think youre amazing, smart, funny, and kind. Unbelievably beautiful and i dont think you should use the cream on your scars, it shows just how strong you are they dont define you or subtract from how i see you. And i would love it, if you’d accompany me to dinner when youre able to, i’ll ask again later when you get your leg and i help you learn how to walk again i want you” he whispered softly massaging my stump as he talked my eyes widened “i guess what im saying is i need you here with me… in the flat.. with me.. everyday youre the first thing i ever want to see and talk too when i get home from the shop youre the first thing i cant wait to see when i wake up… and i need you to stay here with me? Please? I promise you i wont hurt you.. just stay with me and i’ll take care of you.. whatever you need. Angel, please  ive never felt this way about anyone im in love with you Angel please... stay" he breathed out looking at me his arm snaking back up and around my waist tightening around me “im in love with you too George, and... and i want to stay with you.. you and Freddie...” i whispered he kissed me deeply it was a hungry and needy heated kiss the hand around the stump tightened as he pulled me even cliser to him putting the stump over his hip “baby i love you” looking into my eyes kissing me again

@george-weasleys-girl

[agent-barnes40]

Clara Oswald Platonic Imagine request please where reader is Neurodivergent and has a love for history, but was made to be ashamed of it when young despite Clara sticking up for them, and Clara being happy for them when they are able to talk all the time about the interest when travelling with the doctor? Sorry it’s so long

Thank you so much for the request! I took the liberty of choosing Capaldi!Doctor as the doctor in this. I should mention also, I am neurodivergent myself and have a life long fascination with The Romanov's, so I get it.

The Doctor picks their companion's with pride and care and so when Clara suddenly drags you onto his ship, he's all hands wavy and gesturing at you.

"Doctor!" Clara's voice is stern and The Time Lord fully stops in his tracks.

Your watching the two while rocking back and forth on your feet. "I can go, Clars, really."

Clara turns to look at you. "No, you will not. Doctor, you need to apologize."

"Really, you should be the one apologizing. You're the one bringing someone completely new onto the TARDIS." The Doctor is saying, gesturing a hand out towards you.

Your eyes widen and you look at him, although you barely make eye contact. "I can pay, just like I have for tours and all that. I just wanna see Alexander Palace in its prime, that's all."

The Doctor swiftly turns to look at Clara, the hand pointed out towards you waving as he begins to talk. "Oh, so now your using as a tourist service, Clara?"

Clara swiftly grabs his arm, turning him in a circle and marching him towards the stairs toward the upper part of the console room. Her voice is lowered, but you know from the look on her face she is lecturing him just like she does her students. The Doctor, every once in awhile, turned to look at you, before nodding. "Alexander Palace, right?"

It was the best day of your life, being able to sit and explore the palace at the end of Tsarist Russia.

The Doctor was eager to listen to you info dump all about the palace and the information about it, and he fed you little bits of information that you didn't know while softly correcting you on information you had wrong.

Clara and him didn't expect you to become a staple in the TARDIS after that.

The next couple of months were filled with just history trips and The Doctor and Clara making sure you weren't interrupted whenever you'd just stop and stare at the people or paintings.

Clara sat next to you, the two of you sitting on the floor of the TARDIS next to the door, as you just stared up at the construction of the Eiffel Tower. "So, how does it feel?"

"Amazing. These have been the best months of my life. I can never thank you and The Doctor enough." You whispered, watching the men move about.

"You don't have to thank us at all. I know how much this means to you." Clara said, watching you for a minute before looking out at the construction herself.

"I'll have to get The Doctor something." You whispered, continuing to watch.

"You don't have to get me anything. It's good enough to see someone appreciating Earth's history. I should take you to The Titanic." The Doctor says, swiftly moving to join the two of you on the floor.

"I'd rather not die in 1912, thanks." You said absently.

"He'd get us off the ship before, right Doctor?"

"Of course, duty of care." The Doctor said, watching you.

The two try to keep you out of the process of events surrounding places.

You three had been there for the beheading of Anne Boleyn, you had been in fact quietly singing "Don't Lose Your Head" during it all under your breath.

The two enjoyed your little info dumps about situations and locations and people as you travelled through time.

The two never ever put you down about your little quirks or when you'd stim excitedly over an event (you excitedly flappy handed when you three "accidentally" ran into someone you had excitedly read about as a kid)

The three of you were apart of The Ides of March, and you and Clara had joined in on the stabbing of Julius Caesar.

[mikimyslee]

I’m gonna go on a creepy weird gross loving rant abt him…

This is gonna be weird bc he’s not even real but idc…Oh god, holy fuck, I’m obsessed, I adore him, I need him, I’d actually die for him… i don’t care if he’s fictional, I need him to actually hurt me, I need him to strangle me to death, I need him to beat me to a pulp, I need him to stab me, I need him to drag me around by my hair and bash my face into a wall while I cry and beg for him to stop, I need him to break my ribs in with his boots, I need him to force me into humiliating situations. I need him to hang me up in his basement for his own personal use, I need him to make me his slave, I’d lick his wounds clean, id kms for him!!!!!!! I’m gonna cvt myself for him, I love him sooooooo much…..I don’t care if he’s fictional, I NEED him, I’d klll every girl that looks at him, breathes his name, thinks of him, I’d pull her eyes from their sockets and dissect her brain. I’d pull her fucking spine out and beat her to death with it. He’s mine mine mine mine…..

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Hi, could I please have a Daryl Dixon comfort/fluff request where the reader got her period and it's a sucky one so Daryl comforts her please and thank you?

I love this so much! Thank you for the request, friend❤️

"What's wrong with you today?" Daryl's voice startles me from my half asleep state, my eyes cracking open so I can look at him through the bars of my cell, a groan escaping me as the stabbing feeling in my lower stomach returns.

"Stop it." I mutter, waving him away but he just chuckles under his breath, pushing the door open with a loud creak.

"I didn't do nothing. Just askin' a question." He steps up to the side of my bed with a sigh, head tilting curiously at me as I tuck my knees to my chest, sucking in a breath of air. The pain is worthy enough of knocking me cold on the ground and I bury my face into my pillow even more, avoiding Daryl's prying eyes. "You sick or something?"

"Not sick." I groan, suddenly feeling a wave of annoyance wash over me and I feel my bed dip beside me, Daryl's hand reaching out to rest on my aching hip.

"Oh." He mutters and there's a shift in the atmosphere around us and I finally lift my eyes to look up at him. "Oh, alright, alright. I'll leave you alone then." He suddenly has a look of realization that passes across his expression and I feel a mortified rush of terror run down my spine.

"Wait." I reach out to grab onto his hand before he can run away and I suck in a breath as another wave of pain crashes over me, a pitiful wine escaping me. "Can you just-"

"Yeah, sure." He says before I can even finish my sentence, his hand not leaving mine as he settles back down onto the bed. "It hurt?"

"Like a motherfucker." I chuckle and a small smile slips across his lips, thumb brushing against my own.

"'m sorry." I can't help but curl myself into him, enjoying the warmth that he has to offer in this cold, damp cell that's doing nothing to aid my pain or my mood. "Need anythin'?" He asks softly.

"No, just to lay here in a ball of misery." He chuckles, eyes rolling sillily at my drama and I allow myself to giggle. Daryl rubs my hip gently as I groan loudly, stomach cramping severely as tears prick at my eyes. "Can you rub my back?" I ask through a strained gasp and I can tell that it must've taken him by surprise based on the parting of his lips and widening of his eyes.

"Yeah I can do that." He whispers and I roll onto my stomach, a shiver running down my spine at the feeling of Daryl pushing my tank top up so he can rub my lower back with his large hands. I shove my smiling face into the pillow beneath me to conceal my giddy excitement but I know he can sense it, he knows me better than that.

"Thanks Daryl. I appreciate it."

"I got you."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the heart @vampviolets@haylee-e @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife

@officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @witxhy-lexx @minjix @luvroseee @tee-swizzle @savageneversaw @admiringlove @hysteriahall @piceous21 @starlightandfairies @igotmajordaddyissues @drewstarkey-wife1 @manyfandomsfanvergent @revesephemeres @bungunz

[hswriting]

Hard to Love - Part 4

[Image Alt ID: a two picture collage with a light green background. The first picture is of Harry Styles in a green sweater, pearl necklace. He is smiling with his eyes closed. The second picture is of Gemma Styles. She is wearing her brown hair down. She is wearing a gray sweater. She is looking off into the distance. End Alt ID]

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Masterlist Series Part 3 Part 5

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4.0k words

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April is in recovery for her injuries, but isn’t progressing as fast as the doctors hoped. As her support, Harry needs to find a way to help April get through this.

CW: mentions of recovery from wounds, hospital, abuse, guns, dead sibling

My week at the hospital has been extended for another week. They would like to see me progress more in my physical therapy before they send me home. They made sure to let me get my hopes up, and tell me on the day I thought I would be getting discharged.

The doctors are standing there, one on each arm, trying to get me to walk. I’ve taken two steps this session, but my leg is killing me, and so are my ribs.

“It’s only going to get easier if you get through these hard parts. You can do it.” The doctor on my left says.

“You don’t understand. I can’t put any weight on it. It feels like my leg is on fire.” I tell them through my teeth.

“Let’s try to walk to the door and back and then we can be done for now. How does that sound?” The one on the right offers.

“I can try but I’m telling you I can’t.” I tell them. I begin to switch the pressure from leg to the other. Sharp stabbing pains shoot through my leg. I want to let up, but I have to do this. I take a step.

“That’s great. A few more.”

“Please no. No more please.” I beg them.

“You won’t be able to walk properly if we don’t get you moving soon.” One says, and I know they are right.

I go again, and take another step, pain flooding me. I lose my footing and fall into their arms. They take me to the bed and sit me down as tears stream down my face.

“A few steps is better than none. Good work this session. We will come back in a few hours. Sir, do you have a moment?” The doctor says to me, and then directs his last question at Harry.

“Of course.” He says. He steps out of the room with the two doctors. I can see them talking through the glass, but can’t make out what they are saying.

Harry has stepped up. He is still working at the restaurant, but every day he comes back here to help. I think in a way he feels responsible even though none of this is his fault. On the days he doesn’t have to work the next day, he sleeps in the reclining chair they brought in for him. The whole next day that he isn’t working he is by my bedside.

Whenever I try to tell him he doesn’t have to take care of me, that he has a life and I’m not his responsibility, he brushes it off and tells me I’m ridiculous. I tell him he is missing his games that he likes to play and he tells me to be quiet and that I don’t know what I’m saying.

It means a lot to me, despite everything, that Harry is still here. I really would be alone if he wasn’t here, and I don���t know that I could handle that. He’s being, dare I say it and jinx myself, a good friend. He had taken my recovery into his hands.

I look out at him and see him, stone faced, talking to the doctors. I see him glance in at me as the doctors take their turn. I look away, embarrassed he caught me looking. I pull my table to my bedside and work on one of the word searches Harry got for me in the gift shop. I tried to give him money for it, but he wouldn’t let me. He said it’s a gift shop, not a buy it for yourself shop.

Harry slides the door back open and shuts it behind him. He sits down beside me.

“What was that?”

“They just needed to talk to me.”

“What about?” I ask him.

“Do you always ask so many questions?” He asks me in return.

“When it’s about my care, yes. Yes I do.” I tell him and he sighs with a smile on his face.

“They were just telling me about your progress. They’d like to see you progress faster with walking. They are trying to find a way to motivate you.”

“Really strong pain killers would be a great motivator.” I tell him with a smile.

“I told you that they make you too loopy. That’s why I call you loopy.”

“I know, but pain is the only reason I can’t do it. It literally sends stabbing pains all the way up into my back.”

“I know. They say it will hurt less the more you work the muscle. You just have to do it.”

“Easier said than done.” I tell him, ending the conversation. I continue to find more words as Harry just sits there and looks at me. He does a smirk, and then quickly swipes my word book from me, my highlighter striking the whole page as it’s pulled from me.

“Hey!”

“You want this back, you have to come over here and get it.”

“That’s not fair Harry I can’t!”

“Yes you can. You have to work for it. So between now and your next session, find the motivation to come and grab it back from me.” He says and I’m furious. He can’t do that. This isn’t the way to motivate me.

“My next session isn’t for 3 hours Harry. What am I going to do until then?”

“I don’t know. Figure it out.” He says slyly. I huff at him and look away.

“You’re a dick.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Give me back my book.”

“Come and get it, Loopy.”

“I don’t have anyone to lean on to get over there.”

“Guess you have to wait.” He says. “Or I could help you.”

“I’m mad at you.” I snap. “I don’t want your help.”

“Sounds like an excuse.” He smirks at me again. That’s it. I’ve had it. I move the table. I throw the blanket off of my legs and turn myself to the side of the bed. Harry sets the word book down across the room and comes to my beside. He puts both of his arms out in front of me. I stand by holding his arms, putting most of the pressure on my good leg.

“Who knew this was all it would take. I would have done this so much sooner.” He chuckles.

“Shut up Harry. I’m only doing it so I don’t die of boredom.” I tell him. I begin to switch the pressure to my bad leg to take a step. Pain shoots through me, but I finish the step to put the pressure back onto my good leg. I’m sure I’m hurting Harry’s arms with how deep my fingernails are probably digging from the pain, but I don’t care. He deserves it for taking my book.

I begin to do it again, the pain flaring up my leg. I was just holding onto his arms, but Harry grabs my arms to help steady me. This step takes longer, the pain much stronger. A string of curse words leaves my mouth.

“Only two more steps and you’ll have it.”

“Yeah but then I have to walk back.”

“I’ll put you back. Can’t hold onto me with a book in your hand.” He says. I begin the next step and stumble. My leg gives out and Harry catches me. A tear streams down my face. He sits me in the chair he was sitting in previously. “It’s okay. Take a break.” He says.

I reach over to the stand and grab my book from my chair.

“Ready?” He asks me. I nod, wiping my face. He scoops me up and puts me back on my bed. I cover back up. “You did a great job.”

“It doesn’t feel like a great job.”

“Two steps is progress from zero. And who knows, maybe later when they come back in, you’ll be running across the room.” He says.

“Yeah right.” I tell him. I open my word book up and put it on the table again. I work on it some more until my next session.

“Okay April, are you ready?”

“As ready as I can be.” I tell them. I close my word find book and push the table away. I remove the blanket again and move to the edge of the bed. They start to walk over to me.

“You guys should have seen it. She did a few steps earlier to grab her book.”

“That’s great!” The one doctor says. “How did you do it?”

“Harry helped me.”

“Well that’s amazing.” We knew you could do it.”

“Can he help me again?” I ask quietly.

“Of course.” They say. I think even if he wasn’t allowed, they would let him just to get me out of bed.

Harry looks nervous now as he approaches me.

“What’s your deal?” I ask him quietly.

“I don’t like being watched.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. You don’t have to-“

“That’s not what I said. I don’t like being watched, but this is important. I’ll do it, but you really need to put in an effort and don’t embarrass me.” He jokes and I chuckle.

“Kind of makes me want to fall on purpose.”

“Hey now.” He says. I grab his arms and he grabs mine. I stand up. I want to get this over with so it can be time for dinner. I’m starving. “Let me know when you’re ready.”

“Let’s get this over with.” I tell him. I take my first step and the pain is there again. I look down at my legs as I begin the next. I hate that this is so difficult. I just wish my leg would cooperate.

“Hey. Don’t look down there. Look at me. Don’t focus on it.” Harry reminds me. I look into his green eyes and focus on that. Look at the green. Focus.

Before I’m even aware of it, I’m to the other side of the room. My leg is killing me and I have no idea how I got here.

“April this is fantastic. Let’s try going a little farther.” The doctor smiles at me. Harry gives me such a big grin. He guides me to the door, and then back to my bed. The doctors write in my charts and congratulate me on my progress today. They leave and dinner is served into my room. I eat quickly and lay down to rest. Harry sits beside me.

“You really did great today, Loopy.” He says gently.

“You aren’t going soft on me now are you?” I ask him and he laughs.

“Never. Just wanted to tell you I’m proud of you. You’ve been through so much and you’re doing great.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to do what I’ve done if you weren’t here to support me Harry.” I tell him.

“You did the work. I’m just here.”

“No really. All jokes aside, you’ve been a great help. It’s been nice being your friend. Even if it’s just for a little while.”

“Just for a little while? You think I gave up my picking on you just to be friends for a minute? What am I gonna do? You get released and I go back to hating you and making work miserable for you? Be quiet.” He says.

“Just think, if you don’t go back to hating me the next step is being besties.” I warn him.

“Oh no. I’ll go back. Forget what I just said.” He chuckles. “I do like being your friend. You’re not that bad. I’m sorry I was so awful before.”

“I’ve already told you to stop apologizing.”

“I still feel horrible. I think a part of me always will. You were literally being abused and I made fun of you for that. I’m sorry.”

“What can I say to make you stop apologizing?”

“You can’t say anything.” He says.

“Okay. Well I’ll just have to keep reminding you that it’s okay. It’s behind us. Now quit.” I tell him and he gives me a small smile.

“Get your rest, Loopy. Got some hard work ahead of you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I say. I close my eyes. After a long minute of silence, I hear Harry whisper.

“Goodnight Loopy.” He whispers. I decide not to answer. I think he meant for me to be asleep. I drift off.

I wake up scared.

“Loopy, you are shaking. Are you okay?” He asks. I feel tears streaming down my face and sweat covering my body. I sit up, pain filling my ribs. “Hey slow down. I can’t understand you.” He tells me. I didn’t even realize I was speaking.

“He- he was here.” I swallow hard, fear paralyzing me. “He had the gun again. He h-hurt me. He hurt you.”

“Me?” He asks.

“I watched him shoot you. He shot you.” I repeat.

“Hey. I’m right here. He’s not here.” He reassures me. I ball my hands into fists to try and get the shaking to stop. “Loopy listen to me.” He tells me but I can’t. My mind is filled with worry. They still haven’t caught him, and my dream could become a reality.

Harry stands beside my bed. He puts his hands on my shoulders.

“April. Look at me. It’s okay. You’re safe.” I hear him tell me. I flick my eyes up at his face. He looks concerned. “He can’t get in here. Your room is on lockdown. Only me and the doctors can come in.”

“He had a gun. No lockdown matters when he can shoot his way here.”

“Do you know how many police officers are here who have guns? He may not even get one off before they get him. He doesn’t dare step in here.”

“He shot you Harry.”

“I’m right here. Focus on me. I’m right here. I’m okay.” He says. I think back to earlier when he said these words to me. I look back into his eyes. “Good. Now look. It was just a bad dream.” He comforts me.

My breaths begin to slow. I lay back down on my pillow and look at the ceiling. Harry scoots his chair over here. His hand rests on the bed momentarily before it finds my hair. He brushes a lock of hair from my forehead. He then began to play with my hair, and that relaxes me. I eventually am able to fall back asleep.

When I wake up again, Harry is still awake, his hand on my hair.

“Hey Loopy. You alright?” He asks gently. He removes his hand from me.

“Yeah. I’m okay.” I respond. “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me.”

“I do. I wouldn’t have been able to fall back asleep if you didn’t mess with my hair.”

“Yeah. Don’t be all ooey gooey about it.”

“Afraid you really have gone soft?” I try to joke. Harry doesn’t laugh. “What’s wrong?”

“Just worried about you. You were terrified. I’ve never seen someone so scared before.”

“It’s like you said. It was just a dream. You talked me down Harry.” I tell him. He doesn’t say anything. “How did you know that would calm me down?”

“I guessed. My sister. She, um, she used to help me when I had panic attacks. She always played with my hair to help calm me down. I guess I wanted it to work for you too.” He tells me, fidgeting with the rings on his fingers.

“I didn’t know you had a sister.” Is all I can manage to say. I want to ask about the panic attacks but I don’t, afraid he will shut me out.

“Yeah. She was lovely. You two would have gotten along. You say stuff that reminds me of her sometimes.” He says softly. He sounds like he could cry. “She always used to pick on me about being a big softie. Always said I had a big heart. I guess that’s why that when she died…” he trailed off.

“I’m sorry Harry.” I tell him. He doesn’t look up at me. He doesn’t say anything. He sits there for a moment, continuing to fidget with his jewelry.

“I didn’t mean to get so emotional. I’m sorry.” He apologizes to me. He wipes a single tear from his face.

“Harry. You’re allowed to be emotional. I’d love to hear about your sister if you want to talk about her.” I tell him. He looks up at me.

“You’d actually want to listen to me talk about her?” He asks unsure, but hopeful. I give him a reassuring smile.

“Of course. I can see how important she is to you.” I tell him. He smiles at me.

He begins telling me a story about them as kids. They often had very heated arguments over a card game they used to play. Harry called Gemma a cheater every game. She would get so defensive. It got to a point where their mom banned them from playing cards in the house.

He then told me another story. This one was about how in school he was bullied really bad. They always called him names and pushed him around until his sister saw it in the hallway once. She went over and took care of them. Harry didn’t go into much detail about what she did, but she got suspended for a week. Their mom was upset with them, but ultimately proud that Gemma took up for Harry.

I’ve never seen Harry light up like this. He seems so happy and full of life when he talks about her. It’s a bittersweet happiness. He obviously misses her so much. I feel for him in a way. I miss my little brother. He’s not dead, but we don’t talk anymore.

Harry’s next story is interrupted by my breakfast being brought in, as well as the nurse telling me what time my physical therapy doctor will be here. I scarf down my food and get ready for physical therapy. I sit up, Harry ready at my bedside.

I whiz through this session with Harry’s help. He tells me more about his sister as I walk around the room and in the hall. He didn’t fail to remind me that I was doing a great job. It made me happy that I’ve accomplished so much.

After the good session, we find ourselves chatting away about our lives. He talks about his family. I talk about mine. He starts talking of his future plans. He wants to quit the restaurant that we work at and start his own. He has big dreams.

“So where does your secret girlfriend fit into all of this?”

“What secret girlfriend?” He asks, a bit confused.

“You have some big plans. I was wondering where she is in all of this.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” He says to me. “Hard to believe I know. I’m so handsome and intelligent. I don’t know how girls keep their hands off of me.”

“There’s no way you don’t have a girlfriend. I always thought you did.”

“Did they give you drugs again? Are you loopy on me?” He laughs. “I’m serious. I haven’t had a girlfriend in a long time.”

“How come?” I ask. He raises his eyebrows at me.

“Why so curious? Are you secretly in love with me or something?” He jokes.

“No way! I’m genuinely just curious.” I defend. I have never thought about Harry that way. I wonder what he would be like.

I push the thought aside and wait for his answer.

“I had a girlfriend back when I first got out of high school. She was great, don’t get me wrong. I just got so depressed and cold when Gemma passed. I knew I wasn’t giving her what she needed so I let her go. She didn’t need to share my burden. I was never the same socially after that. I didn’t really want to talk to anyone. I didn’t have any friends after that. I know Gem would scold me if she were here. She would tell me I didn’t need to give up my life since she died, but nothing has been the same. So yeah. I put on the armor. I didn’t let anyone inside. I still am that way I guess.”

“You were. You’re not anymore, at least to me. The fact you’re talking to me like this at all shows that you were able to take off that armor, put a crack in the walls you’ve built to keep yourself safe. It seems like you’ve come a long way Harry. I’m proud of you.” I tell him. I see his face redden but he tries to hide it.

“Gross.” He says playfully.

“How did I know you weren’t going to take me seriously?

“I must be predictable.” He says. “What about you? Robbie is out of the picture now.” He reminds me.

“I know, but honestly I’m scared to date again. Robbie was nice at first. I don’t know what I did to cause him to be that way. I don’t want to go through this again.”

“That’s valid, but at the same time, not everyone is like Robbie. You did nothing to deserve what happened to you. You didn’t make him that way.”

“Nobody is going to want someone like me.” I tell him matter of factly.

“Someone like you? What does that mean?”

“I’ve got issues Harry. The baggage and trauma of Robbie is never going to go away. I’m always going to be scared. I’m always going to worry. I just don’t feel like anyone can like me. Let alone love me.”

“You can go to therapy to get rid of Robbie’s baggage and treat trauma, but you’re wrong about people not liking you. I didn’t like you, but look at where I’m at now. I’d say we’re friends.”

“Yeah but you don’t like me like that Harry. It’s different. I want somebody to look at me and just not be able to take their eyes off of me. I want somebody who wants to do things with me and not me constantly doing for them. I want someone to smile with. To laugh with. I want to feel wanted.”

“There is someone out there who will treat you like that as the bare minimum. They will adore you. They will love you. They will do so much more than the bare minimum. You’re worth that April.” He tells me. “You’re worth being loved.”

I don’t say anything in return. It was such a sweet thing to say, and I just have to take a moment not only to appreciate what was said, but also who said it. I used to hate him. I used to not want to speak to him, but he’s here now, saying all of these nice things. It makes me come back to the thought about earlier.

What would Harry really be like. He would be different, but how different? Would he say sweet things all the time? Would he be more open about things like he was today?

I push the thought aside again. I can’t think of him that way. He is taking care of me and I’m soon going to be living in his house. I can’t jeopardize this.

“Loopy?” He asks when I don’t answer. “You alright?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.” I tell him. “Just thinking.”

“Okay.” He says. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asks and I shake my head.

“What are you going to call your restaurant?” I ask to change the subject.

“I don’t know. Maybe you can help me come up with a name.” He says. We go through names all the way until lunch. Then I’m pulled into my next session. They take me to a room with other physical therapy equipment. That’s where I spend the next part of my day. I make a bit more progress before Harry says he has to go home and get ready for work tomorrow.

“You still have my number on your table right?” He asks, packing up his stuff. I nod. “If you wake up again tonight like last night, call me and I’ll answer.”

“Thanks Harry.” I say. He opens the door and steps out. He closes it again and leaves me alone. I lay down and close my eyes. I find myself worrying about dreaming of Robbie again, but my mind soon drifts off to Harry and our conversation earlier. I deserve love to the fullest extent. I deserve to be wanted.

- - -

Masterlist Series Part 3 Part 5

[dangerpronebuddie]

Maggie id love to hear directors commentary on ANY BTHB fic! They’re all so good!! Also giving you a star in case you wanna talk about another fic as well ⭐️

(not me answering a day late 😅)

Bazza you're giving me too much freedom here lol.

For BTHB, I'm gonna go with... Severed Artery.

It is frustrating to write. I've never done a whump quite like it. Researching what's done for severed arteries beyond the actual repair is infuriating. I guess I don't ask google the right questions 😅. It never understands me.

Beyond the actual injury though, this fic has become more about fatherhood than whump. I'm not mad about it though! And since it takes place before 7x10, and most of 7x09, I don't have to acknowledge all of... That™. I do get to showcase Eddie being a good dad, Buck being a good dad, Bobby being a good dad... Still up in the air about Ramon though. I like him, I like that he and Eddie were trying to mend fences, but I am livid he didn't at least suggest Chris staying to work things out. (Mind you, it's pretty in character- the Diazes run). Anyway.

And a certain breakup I have planned is superb if I do say so myself 😁.

I'd give you a director's cut of another fic, but I think instead, I'll give you a little snippet (psst, @tizniz look! I wrote more pain! 😁)

“Are you going to the hospital?” Helena asks next. Buck shakes his head. “I need to talk to Christopher.” “That is not your job,” she snips. He can't be mad at her protest. Grief, to the Diazes, always emerged as anger. Buck didn't understand it, in the early days, like during a fight in a grocery store or the cold shoulder when he came back to work. But a broken door, and a broken man, let Buck truly see Eddie, and the pain beneath the facade. “It is,” Buck says calmly. Ramon tugs on his wife's hand. “Let's go see our son. Buck's got Christopher.” Helena turns away and Buck mouths a thank you to Ramon before joining Chris and Maddie. He seems okay, but, like his father (and Buck, he's come to realize), he has a habit of hiding his emotions. But he can see in the slight furrow of his brow and the hunch of his shoulders that he's terrified. Buck knows the feeling. He sits in one of the folding chairs so he can be eye level with Chris. Chris looks at Buck with wide, shining eyes. Buck envelopes him in a hug, squeezing his eyes shut against his own tears. "What happened? No one will tell me," Chris sniffles. Buck takes a breath and leans away enough to look at him. “Your dad got hurt, bud. Stabbed. We're not sure why yet. But he's with the doctors now. He's in good hands.” “Is he gonna be okay?” Chris asks, sounding so young and scared. He understands the gravity of the situation a lot more now. Buck wishes he didn't. He wishes he had bubble wrap to keep the kid safe forever. “I wish I knew,” he says honestly. He doesn't know anything beyond the fact Eddie still had a pulse when they wheeled him into the ambulance. That can change in a matter of seconds. A tear escapes and runs down Chris' face. Buck cups his cheek and gives a weak smile. “Remember: no matter what happens, we are going to be okay.”

[transmascutena]

utena text posts part uh... 7?

[ID: a series of screencaps from revolutionary girl utena with text posts edited on to them:

Utena having just transformed into a car + "There is a massive problem with the body image issue. I remember as a kid having transformers and I hated myself because I couldn't morph into a corvette.

Touga and Saionji on their bike + "I do gay shit as a joke it's called irony grow up"

Shiori sitting in her room + an anonymous tumblr ask that says "Is it bad that I kinda wanna hit my crush with a car and then nurse her back to health like a baby bird or it normal? :)"

Nanami with her dueling sword + "i think i should be allowed to kill if im jealous"

Anthy crying on the rooftop + "not evil anymore i want to be loved now" followed by Anthy about to stab Utena + "evil again"

Utena sitting curled up in her dorm room + "we all have that one homie who never fully recovered from the incident"

Utena + "im basically normal if you really don't think about it"

Anthy seeing the cowbell on TV + "shoutout to girls who do not understand the difference between 'the bit' and 'waging psychological warfare'"

Touga and Saionji in the motorcycle and sidecar + a text conversation that goes "God I do not like a single thing about u" "Tell me more" "This isn't sexting" "It's better than sexting tbh"

/End ID]

[idv-harmonic-melody]

❛ Killernight Disco❜ - The first discovery

"August X, 1988 Time: i think 5am? They don't have a clock here. Mood: i'm looking at two bodies, you probably know how i'm feeling.

Great, the ink of the pen is almost dried out. I swear if i knew i was gonna have to investigate a double murder, i would have gotten a better one before leaving my house. (tip for myself: go to a shop and buy a new pen if you survive)

Anyways, this is not important, what is important is that, just like i said at the start of this, there are currently two bodies in front of me, and just so i don't accidentaly forget anything important, i will just write what happened (also this might help me not freak out): i came to this club at around 10pm, had a rough day and decided to stay here until it closed at 6am. When i noticed most people had left, i was about to leave when i heard someone screaming, and this scream came from one of the bathrooms. I then decided to go see what it was, and when i came in, i saw a woman in a purple shirt looking at the corpses.

She seemed really nervous, so i told her to leave and go talk to one of the workers that i saw near the bar, which she did. I tried investigating the corpses, but again, i am not a forensic doctor - i'm a detective, and the best i have ever investigated was just someone's fiancee when they thought they were cheating. (ok, time to focus again on the most important part.)

From the ids i found in the purse near one of the corpses, the name of the victims are Xiao and Beth Anastazja. Beth was stabbed with something sharp and thin near her stomatch, and Xiao seems to have been killed by the same weapon, and that's it. I told you (myself?) that i didn't knew how to investigate this type of thing.

I should probably come out of this bathroom and talk with that guy i saw earlier, tell him "hey there are two corpses in the bathroom of your workplace" or maybe not, this would make me suspicious. (also that girl from before might have already told him that?)

Ok, i'm going out of here, i think my mind is clear enough."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"August X, 1988 Time: what Mood: what.

Hello again notebook, it is i, your owner, to tell you that i think i will die, what does that mean for you? Well. You might get covered in blood soon enough, and that pen i was thinking about earlier will not be bought. Ok, Orpheus, concentrate, no more jokes.

But i wasn't kidding when i said i think i'm about to die. Well, let's start: i actually came out of the bathroom some minutes after thinking, but, when i went to tell the bartender about it, i discovered two things: one was that the woman from before had told him about the corpses (great, no one will be pointings fingers at me.) and the second thing was actually more than one thing: the phone connection has been cut, and all doors or other escape routes of this place have been closed. If this club was not that big i would say i'm feeling quite claustrophobic.

Well, so, to revise all information i have gotten in this last minutes when i was not freaking out: there are nine people here (including me), one of us is most probably a murderer, we are trapped and don't know what is going on. What a way to spend my Friday. At least i'm not the only one freaking out, a girl with white hair was also really nervous when she got the news. Actually why am i wasting ink writing this?

Ok, so now before i do anything, let me write some stuff i need to do, maybe this will help me actually focus on what's important:

Maybe map this club, they have two floors in here and one of the areas is designed for vips only. (and i am not one of them.)

Talk with the rest of the people in here, maybe someone knows what is going on.

Try to find a way to escape or at least contact the police

Either way, i will see what i can do. I hope ideas come to me again to see what i can do next, until next time."

(OOC) And here we start the event! Welcome everyone to the essence event! I will explain how the event works down below! If you guys have any questions, please feel free to ask me in the dms or in the askbox!

In this event, you guys will be able to go into the askbox and ask each of the people trapped in the club different questions. How does this work in-universe?...I don't know, you guys will have to forgive me on this one, imagine you guys are like voices in their heads or smth/j if you guys don't remember each character, they are all listed here!

Every 2-3 days, a new murder will happen. I am putting this time so i am able to finish each of the drawings to post without having to rush and then give you guys something poorly made.

If you guys want to make questions not related to the murders or the investigation, please feel free to do so!

And that's it i think...If i have not forgotten anything else, these are all the things i had to say! All other info is in the essence main post!

Hope y'all have fun! Also as a lil bonus, here are the first sketches i made of both skins!

[whiskeysorrows]

Fifty Days At Iliam by Patroclus Minh

(essentially my study of Eliza Gonzalez's "After My Brother's Death, I Reflect On The Iliad", and exploration of the Iliad's themes regarding grief and trauma)

[Text ID:

Fifty Days At Iliam by Patroclus Minh

After Eliza Gonzalez

“My father’s dead,” I tell the counsellor and pray

my hands won’t stain her chair. “I killed him and I don’t regret it.”

She only smiles and hands me booklets dubbed SURVIVING TRAUMA.

I don’t remind her that you hadn’t survived.

The first words in the Iliad are ones of rage.

I see the insides of your veins each time I close my eyes.

I punch the walls because the sun’s too bright.

In the supermarket aisle, I break down crying

when I see your favourite flan pots — marred in the blood

of a discount offer, knifed between the wrapping

like the final breaths you took. They call it ‘flashbacks’

in therapy, the brain reliving what it can’t bear.

What I know is this:

You are dead at sixty and I will carry your corpse for the rest of my life.

At seven years old, you took me to see Cy Twombly’s Fifty Days at Iliam

— a bloom of carnage, fading —

and there we stood for hours, the aegean prayers of our lungs

ringing hollow in that strange cathedral. Once, above the

sound of sizzling eggs, you told me you could’ve loved me

if I had been better. Homer’s similes blasphemes the edge

between thumos and beast. Your words, your fists, your reckoning —

I laid awake that night, aflamed and trembling,

Vengeance scrawled on canvas like bruises on my cheek.

I dropped a dish last week and wept when no blow came.

As I clean the laundry, Priam whispers in my ear:

“I have lifted to my lips the hands of the man who killed

my son” — whose hands do I kiss Papa?

Who kneels in front of who? The man that tried to murder

his daughter, or the child that executed him?

I still remember the day I did it — your spite,

my righteous anger, the words stabbed through your heart

— You are dead to me —

and the burning house collapsing on us.

A scholar wrote, “Achilles’ fury is linked to his knowledge

of his own mortality”. Another argued the Iliad was about grief all along.

My rage is violent, ugly; I still miss you like a little kid.

At twenty-one, I visit a different gallery in London

and find myself in rooms of white, their linen

carved to bone;

and I see again the man you were. There are no similes:

just a father’s grave I can’t dig. Even in absence, there is still violence.

All it takes is red to bleed into slaughter. You are gone

and you are staring at The Fire that Consumes All Before It.

The past shines towards the present, so what is there to be faithful to?

I tell the counsellor, “I killed him and I lived.”

/ End ID]

[summ6rbummer]

patrick hocksetter x female bully victim

ASKFJSKDJHSLA BLESS YOU FOR GIVING ME SOMETHING TO WRITE ILY (PSA) if you like any of my work, pls pls pls request something!! i love writing these!

okay i got this in the bag. im not gonna use a lot of descriptive terms for the girl in this because i didnt get a lot of input WHICH is not a problem but i dont wanna make this unfit for the requester (or anyone frls) anywayss basically the reader in this is has been targeted for quite a few years, starting in elementary with bowers and hocksetter, then in middle school with huggins and criss. i also wasnt sure if this was supposed to be a ship or romantic or not butt im making it a little bit. but not a lot. im gonna js start writing now i hope you enjoy!! also this might be a little long.

little one

patrick hocksetter x female! bully victim

(first person)

tw! stalking - lowkey sexual harassment - mentions of suicide-

first day of 5th grade, stepper elementary school derry Maine. my mom had picked an outfit for my first day, a pair of overalls and a little striped short sleeve with my boots and some ponytails. thinking back, that was an adorable outfit. yet the way i remember feeling when they ruined it was not.

i had that class with dumb and dumber themselves, patrick hocksetter and henry bowers. i didn't know much about them at the time, considering that 5th grade was the first year i had a class with either of them. id heard rumors about henry and some boys he was friends with being huge bullies and to steer clear of them, so when i walked into that classroom on the first day and saw them sitting in the back corner, warning signs flashed in my peripherals.

id always been an anxious kid, hell my parents bothered me about it every chance they could get. anyways, i was already having stomach quivers about starting school, and now i was in the same class as them. of course, as i was trying to lay low, the teacher decided to put me at the table in front of them. i could just feel the terrible intent radiating off of the boys behind me, through the icebreaker games, through math, reading, science, and even recess. recess was where i met my best friend, Emma. she was in the other fifth grade class, with the other two boys, reggie and victor? i think that was his name. she told me all about the things people say about the group.

especially patrick. they say he killed his younger brother with a pillow when he was five. im still shocked to this day about that. but i remember going back to class after that and feeling oddly cold sitting down in front of that boy. throughout the rest of class, i was slowly preparing myself to ask the teacher to move my seat. so when the dismissal bell rang, i waited for the rest of the students to leave, including patrick and henry, to go to the teacher and tug on her sleeve to ask her to move my seat.

the next day, she sat me across the room, next to a boy named jonathan. i was feeling much better about that class, until about halfway through lunch. i was sitting with Emma and Jonathan, chatting about our highscores in dig dug. out of nowhere, it got extremely quiet in the lunchroom. i stopped talking and carefully looked around, before realizing everyone was looking at our table. my blood ran cold as i realized Emma was staring at something directly behind me, dead eyes and mouth agape.

slowly i turned around, only to be met eye to eye by patrick hocksetter. he had a sca smile on holding a balloon filled with something and a thumbtack. before i could even ask what he wanted, he stabbed the balloon directly above my head, letting bright blue liquid splash over my hair, and down my face and clothes. he erupted into laughter, followed by the rest of the boys, followed by scattered giggles across the lunchroom. i coughed in shock, blinking, before the burning sensation set into my eyes. i started crying, and my throat was closing at the smell and my coughing. through my blue blurred eyes, i stumbled up, shoved through the four boys and the rest of the laughing lunchroom and ran out to the bathroom. before i could even make it there, a hand grabbed the back of my shirt.

henry had pulled me out of the bathroom doorway, and now i was surrounded by the boys.

'hopefully that'll teach your stupid fucking girl brain not to snitch to the teacher about us." i heard a voice sneer at me. i rubbed my eyes and watched through blurry vision as they turned and started walking back to the lunchroom. "but we aren't done with you SNITCH" i heard henry yell as i carefully stumbled into the bathroom.

and they decided they weren't done with me. not for the rest of the year, not for the year of 6th grade, or 7th grade, or 8th, or oven freshman year. and each year they got more and more creative. it evolved from shoving me on the playground, to snipping off pieces of my hair when i wasn't paying attention, then when i hit puberty, showing off my bled-through gym shorts, catcalling me in the hallways, and snapping my bra straps. leaving threatening notes in my locker, as well as dead flies, yknow, the usual.

eventually, i got used to the humiliation, but i was extremely surprised that it all came from me just asking to move my seat in fifth grade.

now its sophomore year, and its gotten worse yet better. im only really targeted by patrick and henry, the other two are really just in for the ride. belch, as they call him, is actually kinda nice to me. we have social studies together. i let him borrow a pencil one time and give him homework answers and in return, he kinda started being nice to me. patrick on the other hand was treating me exactly the same. stalking me through the hallways, following me home, leaving me threatening notes, boring his eyes into the back of my head in class, carving his initials into my windowsill....

but it seems like hes become more obsessed than hateful. one time i found a list of my backpack contents inside my pocket. and half the time i dont even know how he finds out some things. its kinda scary. whos fucking kidding its terrifying. and im so fucking tired of it.

he terrorizes me. i sprint home everyday so he cant catch up to me. sometimes they all take belchs car and i hear the engine rapidly approaching me. all these things build up over the days and weeks, and it makes me feel like im genuinely going insane. i have panic attacks on my way to school, i flinch at people trying to hug me, i just live under the freakishly tall shadow of patrick hocksetter. i wonder how he can be so messed up when we're only fifteen.

anyways, back to present day, biology class. which i coincidentally have with both bowers and patrick. lucky me. i sat two desks up and diagonal from both of them, each on either side. it was the second to last month of school, and we were finishing our human anatomy unit.

i was zoned out, listening to the droning, buzzing sound of our teacher's voice. at the feeling of a crumpled ball of paper hitting my shoe, i came back down to earth, glancing over my shoulder at patrick, who had a grin on his face. i slowly reached down and picked up the crumpled note, opening it and reading it.

'you n me behind the school, 3;30. if youre late, pray you're fast enough to get home before i do. which you wont be. thanks little one.'

i let out a shaky sigh when i finished reading the note. then crumpled it back up and shoved a half assed thumbs up under my arm at him so i didnt have to turn around and look at his face.

my hands got clammy as people started to pack up their backpacks, and i felt myself getting a headache as the bell rang and students filed out of the school. patrick and henry sauntered past me, and patrick let his fingers slideeee across the surface of my desk.. like a warning. jesus.

i took a deep breath, preparing myself for what i had in mind about putting a stop to this shit. i held my pen in my hand, in case i needed to use it as a shank.

as i rounded the corner to the back of the school, i saw patrick leaning against a tree, twirling a stick in his fingers. i cleared my throat and anxiously kept walking towards him. he watched me walk halfway towards him, then he pushed himself off the tree and walked to stand uncomfortably close to me.

'what do you want patrick.. '

he scoffed and started walking around me. 'what do i want? well theres a lot of things i want from you.. if youre offering-' he chuckled near my ear, and i could feel him twirling a piece of my hair in his fingers.

i think that was the moment he drove me crazy. i elbowed him in the ribs and spun around, backing away. i could tell i was gonna cry, either out of anger or fear, but there were tears pooling in my eyes.

'im fucking done. what do WANT from me?? I have done NOTHING to deserve this, and yet you still humiliate me, and terrorize me every day. is this really about fifth grade?? because i feel like thats been repaid for a good four years. what do you get from this? do you get off on making my life miserable like some weird perv?? GOD hocksetter im done! im fucking finished! ill have to kill myself before you'll let me live!' i cried, pacing and screaming at him.

i stopped to catch my breath. he looked shocked for a slight second, and then his face went back its natural smirk. he paced towards me, grabbing my face with his hand, squishing my face.

'you sweet little thing. it is repaid. its been repaid for a while. you just intrigue me so much.. i couldn't possibly stop humiliating you.. you're too infatuating.' he stared at every detail of my face, almost mapping it, before he shoved my face away from his hand. he went right back to circling me again.

'yknow.. it was never really about scaring you. i mean of course i enjoyed that part, you're absolutely hilarious to terrorize.'

i almost laughed in disbelief. ive been going through this all for his shits and giggles. what the fuck is wrong with him.

'it really started wayyyy before fifth grade. it was probably around third grade that i noticed you. i think it was when you were in the school concert... i realized how much you stuck out from all the other kids you were singing with.. and i just became infatuated. i think youre real. like me.'

what the fuck is he talking about?? real? of course im real.. what is going on?

he was walking towards me again, and i stumbled a few steps back until my back hit the hot brick wall and i felt suffocated when i realized.

im afraid of you.

'i dont want to be afraid of you anymore. please. patrick please stop doing this to me.' i pleaded, willing the tears back.

he leaned in closer, if possible, pressing me against the wall. i felt him inhale against my scalp, and for a minute, i felt the wind stop blowing and the birds stop chirping, and i could only feel my heartbeat in my ears and could only smell the sweat and bodyspray that came off of him.

then he backed up, pulled his hands off my shoulders, and stepped away. "go. im not done, but you're done being terrorized."

i shuddered. praying he wasn't lying. i slowly turned my back and started walking away, when i heard him call after me.

'hey. just so you know, youre mine. so youre safe for now. but youre still mine. some things are staying the same. go home.'

i turned around again and started walking home, going over what had just happened. on repeat again and again. what did he mean? im real? of course im real..

what the fuck just happened.

ok so i think that was good.. and im done now so thank you sunshine!

-junie