#id relive it millions and millions of times

[ellearts]

Aaaand my prom ceremony came to an end!!!<33

[thatdeadaquarius]

-vine boom

I probably sent a lot of these now im so sorry lmfao 😅

You mentioned in one of the asks that some countries are like a prototype/based of our existing countries, like Germany=Mondstadt, Liyue=China, Inzauma=Japan....

So even though the language is more or less identical for you to make heads and tails in a conversation or writing in a book, the reverse side does not.

Creator!Reader who knows a couple of languages (plus points if they're atleast fluent or have a understanding of it despite not being able to speak said language) and being born from a country that doesnt have the same language as the countries Teyvat based off. Basically Spanish, Italian, Filipino, Scandinavian languages that also have their own way of writing.

Imagine feeling homesick and the only thing that keeps you occupied is the notebook and pen you have while the others converse in a meeting or in a hangout. You started writing in your tongue and re-reading it to relive memories.

Zhongli, AlHaitham, Albedo, Jean, maybe the Berry bros too (Diluc & Kaeya) get curious only to have a double-take and immediately thinks that maybe there is a forgotten land in Teyvat that has this language, I mean Morax stayed faithful to Liyue and Barbatos blessed his country with abundance of supplies and freedom. Teyvat gods and archons played favourites, so why wouldn't you as well? (Bonus: Khaenriah flashbacks) (also I know these arent enough characters but how should I know? I only have a handful of them and I ran out of Primos😭

The people from Akademiya though? I mean they went hard on theorizing and picking apart the language of their creator. Have you seen Matpat's descent to insanity the more FNAF continues to push out LoRe? Thats basically them because Teyvat doesn't have a country based on Creator's birth country. They're grasping nothing but air and dead ends and the only lead they have is you, but couldnt ask because you look so down and they cant bear to see Creator sad....

(NEW BANNER TOMORROW AND I DONT HAVE ENOGH PRIMOGEMS HALP---)

Rip Vine boom no primos 🙏 hope u got some more by this time bc i was so late to reply lol - DUDE IM SO READY FOR THE GORG KAVEH <333

BERRY BROS!! Thats it, thats the only way im gonna refer to them now.

Not super long to add onto ur bc UR SO SMART AND SUCH A GOOD WRITER VINEBOOM U SHOULD ALSO WRITE STUFF SO I CAN GO OBSESS OVER UR WRITING WITH A MILLION FERAL COMMENTS-!!!

(Cute owl house gif is like, metaphorially u and zhongli in this lol)

EDIT 8/23/23: So this may be inaccurate/not that good to my Hispanic Readers out there! Sorry about that, I'l make sure to do better in the future.

EDIT 1/1/24: Unfortunately there are even more issues here, and I'm really sorry about that. I expanded on it more in my Eldritch fanfic post in Part 2, but it was exoticism of me to use the word "Huangdi". I have since replaced it with "Emperor", and don't intend to just erase the mistake like it never happened. But I did change it in the headcanons for better readability. Again, I'm genuninely sorry about this, and will absolutely be watching out/doing better in the future. I hope you understand.

THIS SOUNDS SO SAD, LIKE THIS COULD DEF BE ANGST, ESP SINCE U HAVE NO FAMILIAR-ISH CULTURE TO TURN TO-

tbh im american and i def dont think theres a u.s. country- oh god at least I hope not, damn but im also familiar with mexican culture so i wouldnt miss the united states, but id miss mexican culture…

BUT!!

You have a lot of amazing people who care about you in Teyvat, so they won’t let you stew in ur homesickness for long

like random said, i could see it being small stuff

ok so imma just-

LATINO! READER TIME BABBYYYYY

(i do this bc its just the culture/language im more familiar with, but dont let that discourage anyone from requesting other cultures! I will def do my research, or ur welcome to tell me all about it so i can write it better! <3)

THAT BEING SAID IM MOSTLY WHITE PLS LMK IF SHIT IS WRONG/SPANISH IS WRONG BC IM STILL A BEGINNER MY BELOVED LATINES!

<3 YOU GUYS

♡

you’ve been in the game-turned-life world of Genshin Impact for nearly 6 months now, turns out time isnt wonky as hell like it is if you were playing the game, half bc u bribed Albedo with answers to his many questions about you if he figured out the time difference, and half bc of ur internal clock

people would notice the cuss words first lmao

like Xiao hearing u stubbing ur toe on the million and one steps up to Wangshu Inn, hijueputa!

or Keqing pointing out the words you coo at the dogs hanging out by the bridge outside the harbor,

un perrito tan buenoooo!! :’)

while most would just, " hmm, maybe a dialect of one of the other countries we havent heard…"

but Zhongli? he’s been ready for centuries in case the prophecy came true within his lifetime, afterall, many things changed while he’s been alive, not crazy to him that you might descend randomly

While everyone else was unprepared, bc u were like… the oldest deity, more legend than history, so ppl just thought Morax was a little overly faithful …so when it actually happened,, Morax was just smirking as he watched ur golden shooting star streak the night sky… while absolute pandemonium consumed the mortals and adepti in liyue lmao

(like that scene of Regina George in Mean Girls watching the student body break out into an all out brawl just smirking 😭 pls god look it up if u dont know what i mean- )

So Morax- Zhongli, has been ready for you, just in case, to pay attention to what kind of person you’d be, learn your favorite clothes/colors/offerings, see what things you’d like to talk about with him (hopefully for hours) etc.

He was observant, and with his memory, he practically gave himself headaches sometimes with how aware he was,

on one of those days he was overwhelmed by the mortal crowds, the smells, the market yelling, and all the change from what he thought he knew-

Zhongli noticed you in your own melancholy, and curious, he began to stroll just behind

You sit at Wanmin restaurant, still somber, and ask Xiangling to

“please try out these recipes? they’re from my world, and id really love to have something like them again..”

a true experimental chef as always, Xiangling quickly takes up your offer, and u follow her into the kitchens in the back (the restaurant is much more real than in game, they have gorgeous inside seating, all shades of red coloring the walls and lots of pretty latticework-)

Zhongli takes a seat finally, he has a usual table at this point he comes in so much coughtorunintoyoucough the staff know it's his and give him tea pretty quickly

the food, and the looks, makes it your favorite restaurant in Liyue, the Liuli Pavilion a little too fancy for casual dining, afterall, Zhongli would know

He’s tried to keep track of your favorite places to be in Liyue too, and kept his near full attention on what you say when he asks after your stays in Liyue (he hasn’t felt the need to pay that much attention or felt that much interest in conversation partners in… decades?)

So when you come out of the kitchen, throwing your head back and laughing, "Sí, sí! It all tastes so close Xiangling! Gracias, thank you!"

He wants… to know.

to know what those strange, but delicious looking, foods are all balanced on two big dinner plates

Xiangling carrying whatever you couldn’t just behind, a pitcher of white liquid, it smells, like cinnamon?

He raises a hand, and offers the extra seats at his table, (when did his tea go cold? he only just sat down, he couldn’t have spent that long thinking about you…)

You notice and look over, a giddy grin lighting up your face (…hmm, perhaps he needs to transform into his Exuvia form and let off some steam, his chest has warmed too much right now for him to just be sitting here…)

You plop into the seat beside him, but not before carefully placing the plates in front of both you and Zhongli

You scootch around until you’re turned towards him, as always, Zhongli looks… actually kind of, happy?

a small soft smile pulls at his lips, his eyes half-lidded as they meet yours, his usual red eyeliner framing his monolids perfectly, he looks like he’s been,, well, sculpted from stone, an artwork come to life

“…My Emperor? Could I trouble you to tell me about the dishes before us?”

the geo god’s pleasantly smooth and deep voice felt so soft asking you that, like he didn’t want to push you one direction or the other

“Oh! Right! Sorry, these are from my home country, back in my world, or at least, as close as Xiangling and I can get to them!”

Your smile brightens your face once more, clearing away any leftover stormclouds from your mood earlier, and as you launch into explaining (Xiangling had to get back to orders, so it’s just you two now)

You list it all, the quintessential: quesadillas, empanadas, tamales, chorizo (you had to combine at least 5 different spices to Mondstadt sausages to get anywhere close to the real thing) the dips obviously, salsa, queso, guacamole, and the easy street tacos, and finally the horchata, but also all the weird fruits Teyvat has with chile, like Sunsettias mixed with Harra from Sumeru or Lavender melons with Wolfhook berries… all surpringly pretty good

(the Sun-Harra combo tastes like mango, a sort of deeper taste of pineapple/kiwi and a sort of light orange taste? all with the nice addition of chile flavors, the Lavender melons and Wolfhooks helped imitate chamoy enough that your heart was satisfied)

…you realize you’ve just been talking about the last meal you had with your family/friends instead of the food after a bit, and Zhongli hasn’t said anything…

you trail off and look back over your shoulder (u were practically about to get your shirt in the imitation guac u were leaning so far over the table to point and talk)

you’re about to sheepishly apologize for taking over the conversation, and ask if he wants to try anything (Zhongli can handle spice so u dont have to worry abt that at least)

but as u finally see his face, u just stop, and dont end up saying anything

He’s just, looking at you.

his smile's not huge, but big enough to make his eyes look happy, and Zhongli’s just… looking at you.

You can’t describe the look he’s giving you, but you suddenly feel… a wave of shyness wash over your heart in your chest, because he’s looking almost like, maybe like, he’s sort of, waiting for you to keep talking, his tan skin warm in the golden rays of the sun beginning to set, you don’t know why you’re noticing any of these things, and he gently, slowly, makes a move to lean into your space a little

almost above your armrest, head inches from your shoulder, he finally moves to stop looking at you-

He looks like a painting as he looks down, his eyelashes almost sitting on his high cheekbones,

you have to move your head to looking at the table too as he moved so close,

you feel your shoulders reflexitively hitch upwards as you brushed the hair on the side of his head as you turned away

He looks around, and then moves his head, not his body, he’s still leaning toward you, to look you right in the eyes again

“Why did you stop? I haven’t said much, I apologize, but it’s only because I wanted to hear you without anything interrupting you.”

You cough a little strained, “Oh! Oh I get it now yeah, thanks-”

“I want to hear you more,��� his black eyes begin to warm with gold, you can vaguely see the shape of his diamond pupil revealing itself, “I want to hear about… everything, if you’ll tell me? The language, the food, the drinks, your family, your dances, your country, I want to hear it all. Won’t you please let me hear your voice some more?”

♡

GOOOD LOOORDDDD, ITS SO LONGGGGG IM SO SORRRYYY 😭😭

OKAY IM MOSTLY SORRY THAT THIS SCENARIO HAPPENED??? IDK WHERE ZHONGLI CAME FROM- GOD IM SUBCONCIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH THAT MAN I GUESS, SORRY RANDOMANTICS-

uh, hope somebody got anything out of this, sorry abt the length, again,

also pls somebody tell me if what i said about culture/food was alright! If not I’ll def change it, pls dont let me keep it up if its inaccurate/wrong!!

Safe Travels you guys,

💀♒️

.°•.☆.•°.

♡ the beloveds ♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk

[spideyslag]

Despite earning his living through… legally and morally questionable means, Barnes is not actually a bad guy or a bad person. He’s just a normal guy with a job like anyone else.

That’s his explanation to himself when he finds the wallet.

Small, beat up thing, with a student ID in the front window which thank god has a New York State drivers license behind it, and a single bank card that looks like it’s seen war in one of the slots. There’s a library card which seems to belong to somewhere in queens, and an old photo.

Jesus fucking Christ.

He’s not a bad guy. He’s actually a good person. That’s what he says when he opens Facebook and types in Peter Parker and is oh so relived when he sees the first profile pop up looks just like the photo on the ID in his hand.

Hey there sorry did this is weird but I just found your wallet. Should I bring it to the address on ur license or is there somewhere better? He types out.

It takes not a minute for the kid to answer.

Because the damned kids these days

Oh my good you’re a lifesaver thank you so much. Is it weird if I ask where you found it? I don’t want you to go all the way to queens if you’re in Manhattan. If, by any chance you’re in the village right now I’m working at a coffee shop off WSP. If you’re in the area can you drop it with me there and I’ll give you a drink as a token of my appreciation? you’re a real lifesaver thank you so much I can’t say thank you enough.

Bucky is, in fact, not far. Found it in the 7/11 in union square. I’ll be right in

That makes sense I must have dropped it getting my pre class monster. You’re a Saint. Thank you so much again.

Bucky beat a man to death last night.

Unrelated.

Some college kid named Peter Parker called him a Saint.

Newly found sainthood. Saint James, patron saint of zip ties.

Bucky walks into the aforementioned coffee shop and sees him immediately. He’s remarkable to look at, maybe that’s half of why he was so invested in this little mitzvot of his. None of the other people working are half as worth watching as him.

He’s handsome. Young and healthy and handsome. But he’s also pretty. There’s no denying it.

He calls out “I’ll be with you in a minute!”, not looking up, as he manages to unjam an espresso machine and scribbles an order on a cup before handing it to someone else.

“H-“

He looks up and his breath hitches and stutters, cheeks dusting pink.

Then he’s fine again.

“Hi! what can I get you?”.

Bucky looks up and feels like the old fuck he is, not knowing half the vaguely Italian-esque words on the menu.

“… I can get like, a normal americano right?” He’s vaguely familiar with that one, curtesy of nat insisting ‘it’s just like, strong coffee’.

Peter laughs. “Of corse you can. Sorry, I know it’s dumb we don’t list our drip either. I would have a panic attack if I came in here as a customer. Is 2 shots okay?”

“Two shots is great. And if I could get a splash of cream”

“Of corse”.

“Thanks, peter.”

Confusion and regrettable anxiety etches Peter’s face as he pulls the wallet out of his coat pocket, and understanding and calm flashes in peters eyes.

“Oh! It’s you! Thank you so much oh my god. Bucky, right?”.

Bucky nods dumbly.

“Don’t thank me, it’s fine. Just doing the right thing”

“Can I get you something else? Do you want a cookie or something?”

“No it’s fine you’re already sweet enough with the coffee, sweetheart”

“Nope. You’re getting a s’mores cookie too. That’s that.”

Bucky chuckles as peter hands the scribbled on cup to another girl, stepping aside to keep talking as someone takes his spot taking orders.

“Thank you a million times really-“

“You’re welcome. Don’t worry about it”

“No you don’t understand, really”.

Peter opens the wallet, and bucky wants to chuckle because this kid doesn’t know him, sure, but he spends more than what this kid makes in a week in a day.

“I didn’t take-“

Words fall on his lips as he takes out a photo. an old one, lip wobbling.

He’s giving a valiant effort not to cry, not to show it, but it’s in vain.

“I was really really scared i lost this for good. You have no idea how much this means to me thank you.”

Peter looks in the wallet as he stores the photo back safely.

“Wait That’s not mine-“ he starts looking at the large bills in it.

“Sure it is”

“Sir-“

“Please god don’t call me that .you’re a college kid, right? God knows you need it and I have too much of it. Consider it your super lucky day”.

“I can’t-“

“Sure you can. Textbooks don’t buy themselves. Dont think too much about it. Really.”

When bucky gets his cup, he shouldn’t be surprised there’s a phone number on it.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What did you have for dinner tonight? Nothing yet, but I'm getting Applebee's takeout soon.

If you were given a million dollars, what would you spend it on? I'd have to do the important shit like pay off my debt as well as both my parents' and brother's debts. I'd buy a house for my parents and I and one for my brother and his bf. I'd furnish and decorate and all that, too. Traveling, for sure.

Have you ever cried in front of your parents over a boyfriend or girlfriend? No.

What does your bedroom smell like right now? I don't really smell anything.

Have you ever shaved off your eyebrow before? No. I've definitely over plucked when I was younger lol.

Do you want to have a boy or girl whenever you have kids? I don't want children.

Your pregnant with twins: What do you name them? I'm not having kids. I can't even get pregnant if I wanted to, which is good cause I don't wanna.

Describe your outfit. Jeggings and a gray tee with two skeleton hands making a heart in the upper left corner.

What gigabyte is your memory card? I don't have a memory card.

What brand is your digital camera? I don't have a digital camera. I just use my phone.

When was the last time you hung out with your best friend? My two best friends I met online a couple years ago and we haven't met up in person yet cause they both live in different states than me across the country. We message each other everyday on Facebook messenger and text sometimes, too. And leave a lot of voice memos.

What is a movie you're waiting to see? I haven't really seen or heard about new movies lately, like what's even coming out?

Who was the last person to cook something for you? My mom.

Do you ever sit and think what if about something? Oh, all the time. About a lot of things. It's an awful game to play.

If so, what is it? Like I said, a lot of things.

What’s on tv right now? Something on the ID channel.

Do you ever stop and smell the roses? I need to. I'm always so wrapped up with my own shit and stuck in my own head and I need to appreciate more.

Where do you download music from? I haven't downloaded music in over a decade. I've been using Spotify for years.

How many channels do you have on your tv? I have no idea. A lot.

What are you most scared of? My loved ones passing away. I regularly get panic thoughts about someone suddenly dying. I have had this problem since I was a small child. <<< That's my top fear. I've experienced losing my maternal grandparents and that was incredibly hard as well as losing two dogs.

If you were given a chance to bring someone back to life, who would you choose? My grandma. But see, that's a complex question cause as much as I miss her and wish she were here, I wouldn't want her to come back and be in the same situation as before health wise. And she was in so much pain toward the end. I wouldn't want her to come back and experience that again.

Do you talk to any of your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend? No.

If so, which one? ^^^^

What is your mom doing right now? She's watching Tiktoks.

Are you currently listening to music? No.

What is the weather like right now? It's currently 70 F.

Do you like new music or older music? A variety of both from various genres and artists.

If you could make a law, what would kind of law would you make? I don't know.

What was the last video game you played? The last new Mario game that came out. I can't remember what it's called.

What is currently going on in the room you're in right now? I'm watching YouTube and eating peanut butter M&M's, my mom is watching Tiktoks, and my doggo is laying down.

Do you know where your best friend is? At their homes.

Who was the last person to comment you on Facebook? Her name is Danae.

What is your display picture of on Facebook? A selfie.

Do you ever sit and think about the past? All the damn time. My mind lives there.

If you could relive any moment in time: what would it be? My childhood.

Are you a talker or a listener? Definitely more of a listener.

What is one food you will not eat? Seafood.

Do you eat anything now that you never used to eat? Hmm. I don't think so.

Have you ever kissed the same sex? No.

When does school start this year? I've been done with school for awhile.

Do you ever shout for absolutely no reason? Uh, no.

Have you stuck with your new years resolution? I stopped making those a longggg time ago. I never stuck to them anyway.

Do you need to lose any weight right now? Nooo. I need to gain some weight.

What is something you want right now? To not be hot and be able to get some sleep soon.

Do you hate when you see teachers in stores? I haven't had that happen in very long time. It was always weird though the times it has happened. Like an animal out in the wild lmao. When I was a kid, I used to think the teachers lived there.

What always puts a smile on your face? Hm.

Where can I find you on a Saturday night? At home in bed like everyday.

What is the best thing about Sundays? Nothing. It's just another day for me. <<<

What is your music provider (itunes, windows media player)? Spotify. Windows media player omg is that still a thing? I've had Mac computers since 2009.

How many songs do you have? A shit ton.

When was the last time you had a period? I really don't get one anymore, like just some spotting sometimes. I still get the awful symptoms, though, so that's shitty.

Why do you think the sky is blue? Cause God made it that way.

If you could change the sky to any color, which would you choose? It's so pretty during a sunset when it's various colors. I wish it looked like that everyday throughout the day.

Is there anything wrong with you right now? There always is.

Do you hate when people stare at you? Yes, it's rude and irritating.

[vormov]

"blame it on my equilibrium"

ive written this a thousand times and sung it a million ways, left this place upon the hill for a venture beyond the plains.

i'd love to believe these things you told me, like i knew these epiphanies led up to a point where was this thing i was looking for, oh brother? i'd live and breathe it so that you could walk upon these heated coals unopposed like these tides could walk in our favor place me inside this engulfing sea. let me think of something…

i'll go away towards the horizon always tethered a bit too keenly waywards always talk to me, like they know where i take myself. i cant see with such light in my eye

i'd love to understand what you mean when you say that we are all alone, i'll never be what you said because i can't relive the past anymore, let it be said to the eons nevermore.

id ignite it all again for you. (10-28-23--no further notes)

[co27]

i agree with the people who disagree with that one post i would take being a 20 year old with no direction A MILLION TIMES before being a fucking 17 year old again. if it was a choice between death and reliving ages 15-19 for a hundred million dollars id pay the grim reaper to take me like it sucked soooooo bad being an adult is rough but its immediately infinitely better than k-12. sorry you peaked in highschool sucks to suck i guess

[art-throb]

i dream about it.

i dream about your first walk up to my apartment, leading you up the stairs to the place where i’d kiss you for the first time and then you just never left for almost 5 years. the same place where id tell you i love you for the very first time, plus a million times more. until we loved each other in a new city, and then in a new state. and now i love you alone in my room without you. i love you through lonely tears of missing you. i love you until my lungs give out.

i dream about it and how i’d relive it all in an instant just to be loved by you too.

“Maybe someday we will be two people meeting again for the first time.”

— Unknown

[thermospoetryandstars]

French Toast

written 4/08/2023 and performed on stage later that week :)

it was in march when i,

late to school and cycling down the hidden side streets,

swerved and hit the curb, hard.

i couldn’t help it.

the wind had taken my face in autumn cold hands and pulled my chin to the sky

it held me there until grey clouds were all i could see

and all i could smell were wet leaves and panicked shame.

slate skies flooded my vision

and i was drowning in memory lane

in a million mornings and a million mondays

a never ending march that i relived in a never ending moment.

not even the hard jolt of the sidewalk

could jar me out of my reverie.

the wind had torn me from my mind

and i was replaced by every child i’d ever been,

replaced by wet leaves and shame.

it took the whole day to let them all fade out of me

receding like waves of the tide slinking back from the shore

ringing me out til i felt thin and strained.

it still tugs at me sometimes,

like child- sized ghostly hands trying to grab at the spokes of my wheels,

at the belt loops of my jeans.

they whisper “remember, remember, don’t you remember?

this is what you are made of,

this is what built you,

this is everything you shall never forget.”

the wind cards fingers through my hair while they whisper:

“come back and play”

i grip my handlebars like they can tether me down,

my fingers are small and stubby, pink from the cold and my aching,

and i tell the wind:

“no. i’m not going back. you can’t make me.

i’m not her anymore.

she’s gone

to sleep.

i tucked her in snug and told her a story she’s heard a thousand times but asked for 1000 and 1. when i’m awake, my pulse hides her snuffles and snores.

when i’m dozing, she blinks the sleep out of her eyelashes and wanders around the pearlescent hillscape of my dreams.

when she’s yawning her little mouth,

and dawn fog is tapping thin fingers on the windowpane,

she clutches her favourite toy, the one i lost years ago, and asks me what’s for breakfast.

i tell her ‘french toast. i know it’s your favourite.

your sister is frying the bread in the kitchen right now. your mother bought fresh maple syrup yesterday. it’ll be hot and hearty and waiting for you.

but until then you can rest a little longer, darling.

just five minutes more.

home is waiting for you with open arms, untouched by time or the bulldozers.’”

perhaps it is selfish to keep her there

encased in sweet molasses

like a caterpillar in an amber crystal

eternally waiting for the chrysalis to open.

but it’s may.

the wind traces the invisible scars across my face.

i am pedalling through streets as familiar to me now as they were once utterly foreign

a kind of comfortable ease i never thought id see.

my hands are steady.

perhaps it is selfish.

perhaps i do not want the day to come,

when our eyes are wide open at the same time

and she sees all i know

and feels the depths of all i’ve felt

and loses all i’ve lost.

i do not want her to mourn herself.

children should not have to stand at their own funerals and weep.

i won’t let this poem be a eulogy.

so instead when i wake up tomorrow,

it will be with the promise of breakfast on my lips.

when i wake up tomorrow,

the wind will nose at the crack in my window and whine when i pull it shut.

when i wake up tomorrow,

i’ll get to see the sun turn the terracotta roofs golden orange

and feel the crunch of dew frost under my feet.

when i wake up tomorrow,

it will be with the knowledge that one day,

in 2 or 5 or 10 years,

i’ll open my eyes to see the shifting planes of an iridescent landscape,

one foreign and familiar.

one day, i will see not sun or cloud or emotional trial

but the dreams of the future self that has grown from me and rooted in my place.

one day, i will only exist to wander through the halls of her subconscious,

the dusty attics of her adult brain.

i’ll tug at her lungs and laugh as she stutters,

an old habit she thought she’d shaken.

i’ll hold her hand and let her remember what it was like to be me,

when time hadn’t yet spun the soft shapes of my universe into hers.

when she was a little younger, a little more, a little less.

one day, when her alarm starts to chime

and the wind is scratching against the glass,

she’ll fold the blankets around me as i yawn.

i’ll grin lazily and ask her “what’s for breakfast this time?”

the child that we were will tuck herself in the crook of my neck

“yeah, come on, tell us what’s for breakfast,” she’ll tease.

and the woman will scoff at us, all fond exasperation.

“oh go to sleep already, you gooses, i don’t know why you even bother asking if you already know the answer.”

the child will murmur “so it’s french toast?”

and i’ll pull her closer and say “damn straight it better be.

five more minutes and i’ll eat it with you.”

so maybe i’ll never really forget.

the wind will carry me and all my facets from birth into the great oblivion,

my mind will preserve me in my fossilised slumber until the end,

but this one’s to you, sweetie,

the little girl of lost and found

and your spectacular taste in food.

this one’s to the promise of fresh breakfast in morning.

it’s a promise i intend to keep.

oh, and one last thing!

you really can’t forget it, okay?

i love you.

[casbooks]

Books of 2023

Book 6 of 2023

Title: This is Minuteman Two-Three... Go! Authors: Wayne Chasson ISBN: 9781676785644 Tags: AFG Afghanistan,AFG FOB Shank (OEF),AFG FOB Tellier (OEF),AFG Kabul,AFG Operation Enduring Freedom (2001-2014),CH-54 Tarhe,IRQ Iraq,IRQ Operation Iraqi Freedom (2003) (Iraq War),KWT Kuwait,OH-23 Raven,OH-6,SA 330 Puma,UH-1 Huey,US CIA Central Intelligence Agency,US Erickson Helicopters,US Evergreen Helicopters,US USA 11th Light Infantry Brigade,US USA 176th Assault Helicopter Company,US USA 176th Assault Helicopter Company - Minuteman,US USA 176th Assault Helicopter Company - Muskets,US USA 196th Light Infantry Brigade,US USA 198th Light Infantry Brigade,US USA 1st Aviation Brigade,US USA 23rd ID - Americal,US USA 23rd ID (Americal),US USA 71st Assault Helicopter Company,US USA ANG 126th Aviation Regiment,US USA ANG 126th Aviation Regiment - 3/126,US USA ANG 126th Aviation Regiment - 3/126 - A Co,US USA ANG Army National Guard,US USA ANG Massachusetts National Guard,US USA Fort Hunter-Stewart GA,US USA Fort Polk LA,US USA Fort Rucker AL,US USA Fort Wolters TX (1963-1973),US USA LRRP Team (Vietnam War),US USA United States Army,US USA USSF Green Berets,US USA USSF Special Forces,US USAF ANG Otis Air National Guard Base MA,US USMC United States Marine Corps,VNM An Khe,VNM Chu Lai,VNM CIA Air America (1950-1976) (Vietnam War),VNM Command and Control North/FOB-4 (Vietnam War),VNM Dragon Valley,VNM DRV NVA North Vietnamese Army,VNM DRV VC Viet Cong,VNM FSB Baldy (Vietnam War),VNM FSB Mai Loc (Vietnam War),VNM Highway 1,VNM LZ Baldy (Vietnam War),VNM LZ Bowman (Vietnam War),VNM LZ East (Vietnam War),VNM LZ Minuteman (Vietnam War),VNM LZ Stinson (Vietnam War),VNM LZ West (Vietnam War),VNM Marble Mountain,VNM Million Dollar Hill,VNM My Lai,VNM Mai Loc Special Forces Camp (Vietnam War),VNM Operation Ranch Hand (1962-1971) (Vietnam War),VNM Route 9,VNM RVN ARVN Army of the Republic of Vietnam,VNM RVN Chieu Hoi Program/Force 66 - Luc Luong 66 (Vietnam War),VNM RVN Kit Carson Scouts (Vietnam War),VNM RVN SVNAF South Vietnamese Air Force,VNM Tam Ky,VNM Tien Phuoc,VNM US Agent Orange (Vietnam War),VNM US MACVSOG (1964-1972) (Vietnam War),VNM US USA 27th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital (Vietnam War),VNM US USMC CAP Combined Action Platoon (Vietnam War),VNM US USMC DHCB Dong Ha Combat Base (Vietnam War),VNM Vietnam,VNM Vietnam War (1955-1975),VNM Vinh Thanh Valley (Happy Valley) Rating: 3 Stars Subject: Books.Military.20th-21st Century.Asia.Vietnam War.Aviation.US Army.Helos.Gunships, Books.Military.20th-21st Century.Asia.Vietnam War.Aviation.US Army.Helos.Slicks, Books.Military.20th-21st Century.Middle East-SWA.Afghanistan.US, Books.Military.20th-21st Century.Middle East-SWA.Iraq.OIF.US Army

Description:

Relive six decades of flying helicopters including an extended tour in Vietnam and the mountains of Afghanistan, with a little Iraq, Kuwait, and National Guard thrown in. This is Minuteman: Two, Three… Go! recounts Wayne Chasson’s times, from the early, young, and dumb days to a more seasoned pilot of Huey and other helicopters in three American wars and the National Guard here at home. From the tragic to the ridiculous, it’s all here in refreshing candor and lifelike detail, and told in the voice of the author. Chasson relives it all for us in this gritty and honest memoir—with humility, humor, and gratitude—as he himself is still trying to figure out how he made it through alive.

Review:  It was a decent book, a quick read that really is more of his look back on things. It gives you some good stories, some good anecdotes, and it’s semi-polished enough to give it readability and flow. It won’t give you the same experience as Chickenhawk or others in the same genre, but it will give those who know him - family and friends and such - a good insight into what he wants them to know about his time in Vietnam, and later Iraq and Afghanistan.

[librarycard]

mcr alpharetta changed my life ill spend the rest of eternity wishing i was coming down from the most evil high of my life while 100 gecs yells the intro the im not ok music video at me and then getting to see gerard walk on stage in HEELED BOOTS AND A CROPPED TOP. ill never get that back oh its so crushing

[lxvenderhxzehv]

"you weren't his...." Chris said softly. "You were the product of an affair and he couldn't come to terms with that. Instead of taking out on our mom he went for you...." he could feel himself shaking with angry. just reliving that night again. "you just simply existed..."

"It didn't matter to me...! You girls did more than anything. But moving to Kentucky it just worked in favor for us. I was able to stay home but still go to class. You all got to live normal lives." He nodded. "I don't know, I guess we just.....wanted to forget about him, about the monster that he was. As far as we were concerned he died back in Texas." Chris said firmly out of sight out of mind. "You didn't deserve to have that on your shoulders. Regardless you were still my baby sister. I don't give a damn if we don't share a dad. Id do it all over again for you and the others. A million times over.

She blinked in surprise, genuinely not remembering any of this. Though....she was pretty little when Chris was still in college. Between the young age, the trauma, and hell, even the head wound might have kept her from really holding on to that kind of memory. "Me? Why me?" Her brows furrowed in confusion. She had to have been, what? Two, three, maybe four tops? The fuck did she do? Piss her pants one too many times?

Biting her lip, Ciara reached out to take her brother's hand. "It's not your fault he's a piece of shit. You gotta live your life too dude. How fucked would it have been if you didn't go to college? I'd have hated myself if I knew I was the reason you stuck around." She could feel herself tear up. "How come you never told me? No one told me. Mom didn't even mention that part."

[saintobio]

I somewhat understand y/n’s decision to leave with everything that happened but lying about a abortion and hiding his kid is messed up on SO MANY LEVELS😩 there are gonna be some serious consequences to her actions and she’ll feel so bad because we all know he loved that baby😔 and she deprived him of that feeling of seeing him grow up a bit. I get her feelings tho not saying that they weren’t valid, but like what were you going to explain to your son in the future? I mean you have Toji and that’s great and all I guess but I think eventually their son would’ve figured out that he wasn’t his actual dad…what was her plan? What were you gonna tell him then? And not trying to make gojo seem like he’s innocent but damn….Did she not think that far….. I feel like y/n was dead wrong for that 😕



Anonymous said

she drove satoru to the point of being suicidal for years i think she made him suffer enough especially when she saw how much he already changed for her during the first few months of her pregnancy. idk i know ppl say shes right to do it because she was traumatized well id argue gojo is just as traumatized if not more. it seems like hes paying for things he didnt even do bc why is he suffering more than eula? 😭 idk that was a shit move for yn no matter what the reason is thats his child and he could've been his savior but instead he was miserable and driven to kill himself over and over for 3 whole years while she was healing and about to get married.

Anonymous said

*TW: Mention of Suicide*

You don’t have to answer if this is a spoiler for pt 2, but was it really Y/N’s idea to fake an abortion or was it Gen and her dad’s idea? Cause going through all of that to keep Gojo away from her is ridiculously fucked up. Like I absolutely agree with her getting away from him and all, but hiding his child from him for 3 years??? Especially knowing how excited he was to be a father? I just… y/n should’ve known better than that, even if she doesn’t know about his attempt. Even as shitty as Gojo was to y/n, nobody deserves to be fooled into thinking their child is gone… I’m sooo conflicted☹️. Anywho I hope Gojo will be okay and no offense to y/n cause I love her but Toji deserves much better than someone who’s still hung up on her ex (as does she tbh). I can’t wait to see how this all pans out!!

Anonymous said

I support YN in her decisions

For the divorce, her leaving Japan, she had every right to do it

But I find depriving Gojo from his child is wrong. After their encounter YN can probably guess that Gojo’s mental state is sh1t so she knows that if he sees his son and find out about him his mentality will be even more fcked up which can also make him unalive himself which is basically what happened.

I find YN cruel in this chapter but I also understand that she has every reason to do it

Anonymous said

I love y/n, I’ve defended her a thousand million times and I think I always will, but for the first time in my life I’m gonna have to say that she’s in the wrong. Not only did she take satoru’s fatherhood away from him, but she did it in such a cruel way oh my god. The late term ‘abortion?’ Wow, I know she was in a desperate situation, I do, but I hope she felt shame hearing that mans cries outside of the hospital room she was in. That goes for her father, gen, leiri, literally anyone who kept up with this lie that Satoru’s child was dead.

And then to marry another man, which in itself isn’t a problem (honestly good for her) but then what? Would Toji raise the child as his own? Maybe the child wouldn’t call him papa, but wouldn’t he be the child’s main paternal figure??

Does anyone, if not y/n realize how cruel this is to satoru?

Say what you want about Gojo, but the mans had more than enough karma come his way. More than enough!! This all layered on top of his car accident and possible amnesia? Will he have to relive all of his pain?

Oh my god, I actually really hope y/n isn’t forgiven so easily for this. Because although I support her personal growth and happiness, Satoru truly never deserved to have his son taken from him like that, she heard him and still went through with it. Wow

Anonymous said

No because I understand why Yn might have wanted to keep the secret of having the baby, but making Gojo think she aborted it is actually insane. Like y’all literally cannot defend her actions. So what if you didn’t want to see him anymore? You literally absolutely trashed his mental health just like he did yours, and for what? To be an “independent woman?” Not worth it. She took away the opportunity to let a father care and love for his son, which I 100% think might have saved him from trying to KILL HIMSELF MULTIPLE TIMES. It’s so sad. They both fucked up (and I am in no way defending Gojo’s actions so don’t start y’all) but she took it to another level. AND THEN MARRYING TOJI?? Damn that really adds salt to the womb💀💀 Anyways I really do hope Gojo finds happiness because I believe he’s had enough karma. He deserves someone new who will care for him through everything, and I hope he looses his memory and forgets all about the drama. As for yn I hope she realizes her mistakes, but I will always hope she gets a happy ending too because it’s what she deserves after everything she’s went through. These people do not need to be together considering EVERYTHING, but whatever you do I’ll support. Keep up the good work ive been looking forward to Friday’s and Saturday’s each week

Anonymous said

Is so unfair to gojou was been lied to by y/n she did SOOO wrong in not telling him about his child. As much as gojou was an ass he deserved to know. 🥺

Anonymous said

omg saint…I feel horrible but a part of me is mad at y/n, u probably kno who this is cuz I commented it but it’s whatever, but anyways,, IDKK I just have been feeling so bad for gojou the past few chapters, makes me so sad :(( plus I’m a gojo fucker I can’t imagine that man sad - 🦚

Anonymous said

NAUR ?! now i don’t mean to be mean but HELLO ?! Y/N GIRL WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ?????? I CANT BELIEVE SHE KEPT GOJOU’S OWN CHILD A SECRET FROM HIM !?? also when she called him gojou instead of satoru :(((( but omg i can already tell how good sn2 is gonna be BUT THIS CHAPTER WAS SO SAD :((( y/n’s dad and gen hearing abt satoru’s accident like “RIP BOZO💯” LMAOOOO also if gojou gets amnesia i will literally d*e… like it’s so bittersweet to think that he’ll be like a brand new person regardless of if it’s for the better or worse bc his suffering has really made him his own unique character and it’s the basis of his relationships with so many people :( but it also allows for so many more opportunities ITS SO BITTERSWEET I TELL YOU!!! AAAAAAAA

anyways,,, onto more serious things… saint thank you so much for writing sn!!! it’s seriously one of my favorite fics of all time and it brings me so much comfort i reread it all the time!! i hope sn2 come out soon but please continue to take care of yourself and rest!! i appreciate the chapters, characters, the storyline, everything you wrote!!! you really went the extra mile and i hope sn2 comes out with a bang!! :> thank you again saint! :’)

yn’s side previously answered here !! once again, i’ll remain neutral regarding this discourse so i can also prevent any spoilers and also people are 50/50. but my two cents about satoru on this:

writing abt his downfall made me feel sorry for him especially as it’s affected his overall mental health . although she wasn’t aware abt him being suicidal after she left, it was horrible on gojo’s part to be deprived of his own child esp by means of faking an abortion (which again, like i said, will come haunt her next season). he definitely deserves better than that, but then again they also both hurt each other.

at the beginning of their marriage, he insulted her to her face, disrespected her, treated her horribly, blatantly cheated on her, shamelessly neglected her. now by the end of their marriage, she abandoned and pretty much ghosted him, lied about the abortion so he has no reasons to hold onto her, kept the baby away for some time thinking it’s for the best, disallowed any communication between them. they obviously are very different situations and have very different impacts, but that just shows that yn (like gojo) also has the capability to destroy him even twice as much as he destroyed her. was it acceptable? definitely not. and she’s not proud. neither is gojo proud abt his behavior in the first few months of their marriage. they make mistakes, they hurt each other, one may be cruel than the other, or maybe not—either way, this is satoru’s realization that he is not always the person to blame. that he isn’t an antagonist to his story bc yn can also be as selfish and flawed like him. that she, too, can make inexcusable decisions like he did.

[blodofring]

how do you stay sane with all the trans bs and violence from men? Sometimes it feels so heavy and that society is always catering towards them it makes me feel hopeless :/

well im not sure i will call myself sane, i dont think anyone can be in this society. i very much relate to you and i think being sane in this environment is the actual insanity.

i've tried to cultivate and seek out friendships and spaces where views like ours are supported. knowing hundreds of thousands if not millions of women (and even men) feel the same way is very reliving. knowing one is not alone. having a safe space to discuss our struggles without being harmed. there are many communities online that are popping up where women can freely share our struggles and anger without being silenced.

also i do think times are changing and there is a pushback against transsexualism and male violence. even if trans is pushed by the elites, i feel like your everyday average people are getting sick of bending over backwards for the minority and are peaking at the ridiculous demands from that group. most people, if they feel safe there wont be any repercussions, will admit they think its ridiculous. more public figures are daring to speak out againt the cult and i frequently see detransition stories being told now. as for male violence, that too is being fought against and brought to light by brave women, like in Iran. things like the porn industry is also being cracked down on, with having to vertify your age by official id etc in several states, more people quitting and speaking out on how harmful it is.

and ending friendships and setting boundaries with people who impact you negatively. i've come to realise i have to cut off most my male friends, as they are silently contributing to womens oppression. even if they havent harmed me, our beliefs are fundamentally incompatible. watching incel commentary, making excuses for abusers, making sexist jokes etc isn't something i want in my space. thats time and energy is better spent on people who contribute positively to my life. actually i will go as far as to say that being a "man hating wrench" has made me an awfully lot happier and optimistic about the future than i ever was as a handmaiden, and a much softer, loving person altogether. awareness is power, knowing your enemies makes you stronger, and having boundaries gives you a space to let your guard down and relax safely. careful of who you let into your circle, protect your energy, and cultivate healthy female friendships.

this ended up very long, it is something i am very passionate about, so thank you so much for asking. i hope you can find a space where your thoughts, ideas and beliefs are validates and safe, and that you'll find your hope ♡

ps my ask box is always open if you or anyone else needs someone to talk to, rant to, or just chitchat

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Irresistible Danger - Part 59

Synopsis:  After being caught outside the compound on your own, Negan decides to punish you in the best way possible ;)

Words: 4,078

Warnings: nsfw, smut, swearing

ID Masterlist can be found HERE

Masterlist of all my fics can be found HERE

*HIATUS WARNING*

This will be my last chapter update until the end of July or very beginning of August, due to me joining Camp Nano. If people are interested, I can link my nano page HERE if you want to see what progress I make. I haven’t created a Camp project goal yet, but I’ll be adding it soon. 

Clearing the Board

You stared at Negan in shock for a long moment, your brain’s frantic whirring grinding to a screeching halt as the subconscious watched with mouth so agape that the gum it had been chewing fell unnoticed to the floor. 

Had he been thinking the same questions as you the entire dinner? Part of you wanted to bolt, terrified to know what was on his mind. Was this where he pulled the rug out from under you and said things were getting too cozy, that he wanted to back track? Did he want to go back to his wives? Or maybe he wanted to try and make you into another one of them? 

Breathe. Just breathe and see what he has to say, before you start hyperventilating. 

Clearing your throat and licking suddenly dry lips, you hoarsely said, “Uh...yeah...we do.” 

As if this was the permission he was waiting for, he gave a curt nod and started talking. He was so focused and straight to the point that you wondered if he had rehearsed this prior to you showing up. If so, he had done a much better job of preparing than you had. 

“I wanted to apologize for last night. Not just for the way I attacked you, though I do fucking apologize for that, but for how I acted after.”

At this, he paused and ran a hand slowly down over his mouth and beard, and you realized how difficult this conversation was for him, how much he still struggled to be open and honest and sincere with another human when he’d had to learn the hard way to be tough and mean and impenetrable. It made you feel validated regarding your own struggles, as well as grateful that both of you were stepping outside your comfort zones and trying to communicate. 

“Doll, there’s just some shit that I don’t like to fucking relive. It has to happen, whether I fucking want it to or not, and once it’s done, it’s done. I don’t always want to rehash events, or talk about how I feel, because the answer is probably that I feel like fucking horse shit. It’s nothing personal against you, it’s just me wanting to fucking move on. The same way you told me the other night that I gotta trust you not to always give me all the fucking details? Well, same goes when the shoe’s on the other fucking foot.”

You sat there and took this in, brain having pulled out a tablet to take frantic notes, and subconscious still staring in shock with its foot unknowingly stepping right in the middle of the dropped gum wad. Of all the ways for tonight’s conversation to go, no part of you had expected Negan to not only take the lead, but go in the correct direction needed to pulverize one of the newly-created questions you had thrown into the padlocked box. 

Once he said the words out loud, it did make a lot of sense. You had seen it as wanting to connect with him and support him, if he would just explain what had happened on the run to upset him. However, some things might be better left unsaid, so as not to make the person relive the events and the emotions tied to them. What you had seen as him shutting you down was actually him trying to move on from unsavory events (and actions he’d had to complete in his role as leader). Add to that his comparison to your conversation the other night, where you had expected him to be okay with you not giving all details about certain events, and you couldn’t believe how much you had blown his recent actions out of proportion.

You had been quiet for a few long moments, during which he was watching you closely. He tried to make his expression neutral, but the unnatural stillness of his tensed body and the focused intensity of his hazel gaze gave away how much weight he was putting on what your response might be.

 Picking your words carefully, you broke the silence. “Thank you for explaining that, because I did wonder why you turned down my offer to talk last night. I respect your right to not tell me everything about what you have to do in order to keep control of the Sanctuary and other communities. However,” you held his gaze, making sure he saw your sincerity. “I want you to know that I’m always here for when and if you do want to talk about it. Any of it.” 

He was unresponsive for a few seconds, as if the tables had turned and now he was the one a bit surprised at how calm and clearly you had voiced your agreement. Then, a soft smile broke across his face, and he said, “I know you are, doll.”

You gave a small smile, beyond relieved to have that topic discussed and out of the way. Your brain was proud of the two of you for talking it out, while the subconscious was preoccupied with cursing and hopping around on one foot while frantically trying to use a stick to scrape the smeared gum off the bottom of its shoe. Like it, you now flailed about for how to move on to other concerns. The door of communication had been opened, and you didn’t want him to slam it shut now that the thing he’d wanted to get off his chest was done. 

“There’s some other things I think we need to talk about,” you said. When his eyebrows raised in a nonverbal for you to continue, you started nervously fidgeting with your dinner napkin.

Shit, where did you even start? How to accurately say what you were thinking and feeling about this relationship with him. He had obviously noticed you pulling back that day in the woods, and while you had been quick to start blurting your feelings when in a post-orgasmic haze, the words now stuck in your throat and refused to come out. 

That ball of self-doubt was creeping in, telling you to shut the box back up and get out of there. It whispered how maybe now that Negan had fucked you, the “game” was almost over and he wouldn’t be as interested. That the moment you started placing expectations on the two of you, he’d tell you to leave his rooms and not come back. 

Looking down at the napkin, which was now twisted and crumpled from anxious hands, you tossed it down on the table and abruptly stood up, unable to continue the farce of sitting still. You pushed the chair into the table and stood there for a few seconds before giving a frustrated groan and pacing over to his armoire and back. 

It was quite the role reversal, you pacing back and forth while he sat there, silently watching. Your hands gestured wildly in front of you, as if trying to act out what you couldn’t say. You started to talk a few times, but it came out as a sputter of nothingness, causing you to pace back and forth yet again. After a couple rounds of this, you finally stopped behind the dinner chair, hands gripping the back of it until your knuckles turned white. The two of you stared at one another, his forehead furrowed in concern at your mini meltdown.

“Doll,” he said, voice low and calming. “Tell me.” 

Just say it. Tell him you’ve fallen for him. 

But you couldn’t. The emotions were right there, but it didn’t feel right to just blurt them out. Three little words that some people tossed around like pennies, and you couldn’t say them when it mattered. 

You looked at him desperately, willing him to throw a lifeline and take back over the conversation, to tell you to forget it and act like this moment had never happened. Instead, he finally moved into action, standing from his own chair and rounding the small table to stand in front of you. 

He didn’t reach out, didn’t try to hold you, as if he knew that the slightest touch would cause your taut as a bowstring form to burst into a million pieces. His hands instead clenched at his sides in a nonverbal show of restraint. He knew that whatever you were struggling with was important, while at the same time realizing he couldn’t force it, and that the direction of the conversation depended entirely on you. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” 

There was more authority to his tone this time, but it was the slight hint of worry making it go up in pitch at the end that propelled your own voice to finally get its shit together and start working. 

“There’s nothing wrong, I just…I don’t know how to say it.”

“Fucking say what? You’re killing me here, doll.” 

You looked at him, took in this strong and seemingly impenetrable, yet surprisingly caring and passionate man who had shattered all of the emotional defenses you had strategically built in order to keep yourself safe. And suddenly, you knew exactly how to tell him in a way that he, and only he, would understand. 

“Remember when you said that the game is over when the king is captured?”

Surprise flickered in his gaze, as he obviously wasn’t expecting that to come out of your mouth. However, he quickly caught up, giving a curt nod. 

“I know technically the queen is expendable, and the game can continue on without her, but-” voice cracking a bit, you paused to take a deep breath before continuing. “What the hell does one do when the opposite happens?” 

You saw the moment the realization hit, making him go completely still. Saw the moment he pieced everything together but still held back, as if afraid maybe he was misinterpreting it. 

His face looked wrecked when he husked, “What are you saying, doll?”

Emotion welled in your eyes as you verbally let go, whispering the confession that had been held in for long enough. 

“The king’s captured me.”

He broke the physical distance then, his eyes bright with emotion as he wrapped one arm around your waist and cupped your face with a warm palm. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on your lips that was so soft and gentle you almost wanted to cry. When he lifted his head, you felt overwhelmed by the adoration in his gaze, but that was nothing compared to the words he then spoke.

“Well doll, I’d say that’s only fucking fair, since the queen’s captured me too.”

Shock coursed through you, followed by a rush of emotion so strong it would’ve knocked you on your ass if he wasn’t there to clutch onto. 

He feels the same! Holy fuck, not only did he understand, but he also feels the same!

The two of you kissed again, long and slow, until your surroundings faded away and there was only him. It could’ve been mere moments or long minutes before your lips parted from his, as time currently had no meaning outside the count of his breaths on your face and beat of his heart under your palm flattened on his chest. 

You felt dizzyingly happy, and the padlocked box was tons of pounds lighter. However, there were still a few spiky balls of questions sitting in the bottom of it, and it was time to empty them out. All of them. 

“So,” you said, fingers tracing up over his exposed collarbone and strong throat. “What happens next, after the king and queen capture each other?”

Giving a much softer version of his usual devilish smirk, he replied, “They lay down their weapons, recall their fucking armies, and rule the board together.” 

Grinning like a fool at that, you wound your arms up around his neck and murmured hesitantly, “So what does that mean for the others? What does the king do with the five of them?”

Once again, the metaphor was not lost on him, and you felt the slightest stiffening of his body against yours as he pulled his lips from where they had been tracing along your ear lobe and looked down at you. 

Shit, did you go too far? Maybe you should’ve just stopped while you were ahead and not crossed into that topic of conversation just yet…

“What do you want me to do with them, doll?” 

You definitely weren’t expecting that as a response, as shown by your staring blankly up at him for a few seconds before saying, “Isn’t that your choice?”

He gave an amused tsk of disapproval. “No, that’s not how it works when we both rule the board. Each partner gets a say, and then we figure it out together.”

Did he just...call you… “Is that what I am?” you asked, heart inflating like a bubble at the possibility. 

“I mean, we can stick with just calling you my queen, if that’s what you want, but I think partner also has a nice fucking ring to it.” 

His partner. Not his wife, or girlfriend. Partner. 

Stretching up to give him a kiss of approval, you said, “Partner is perfect.” 

Deciding to go all in, you added, “And I only want you, no one else. I want you to be the person I snuggle up against each night, and the one whose bed I wake up in each morning knowing that I belong there. I want to walk proudly beside you and know that you’re mine, as much as I’m yours.” You hesitated, a small dart of worry at the brutally honest words making you feel the need to ask, “But what do you want?”

The playful light was back in his eyes, that sinful tongue running over his bottom lip. “I thought I already made that fucking obvious, doll. But if I didn’t, then listen very closely.” 

His lips traced over your face, leaving butterfly kisses on your cheeks and nose and forehead as he spoke the words. “I want you. Fucking simple as that. I’ve wanted you, and only you, since the day you fucking kicked my ass at chess.” 

This was technically information you already knew, thanks to Trixie, but hearing it from him made it that much more real. It was as if even though all the signs were there, you still didn’t want to fully believe you were the reason for his change in behavior with the wives, not until he confirmed it himself. 

Trying to add a bit of lightness, you hummed in pleasure at his lips kissing the sensitive spot on the curve of your neck and quipped, “Who knew all it would take was a game of chess for me to stand out.”

Giving a huffed laugh, he said against your skin, “If you think that’s the only way you fucking stand out, you’re even more oblivious then I fucking thought.” 

“Hey! Are you telling me I’m weird or something?” you laughed, playfully tugging at his hair so that he raised his head to look at you. 

“Wellllll…” he joked, smiling broadly before his expression got a bit more serious. “In all honesty, doll, I’ve respected the hell out of you since the moment you arrived here.”

Eyebrows raising, you said, “Oh? Do go on.”

His eyes danced with mirth, but his words were uncharacteristically sincere. “Despite being scared shitless when my men first found your little group, you never fully submitted or lost your fight. You marched right into the Sanctuary like you were gonna own the whole fucking place, or at least own the kitchen, which you did in a ridiculously short amount of fucking time, I might add. I felt like a fool for asking you to be another wife and expecting you’d be happy just sitting around looking pretty.”

You gave a haughty grin, but let him continue, knowing that confessions such as this were few and far between with Negan. And you were going to soak in every affectionate word like a desert does the rain, because as much as the actions and nonverbals fed your heart, his words were what now fed your soul. 

“I knew you’d be trouble the the first time I walked in the kitchen to check on things and you refused to fucking kneel with the others, staring me down in a way that said you were demanding to be treated at my equal, and just daring me to try and fucking do something about it. It was that same daring each time we were alone that drew me in like fucking catnip, and while the smart thing would’ve been to stay away, when I found you out in the fucking woods about to be walker chow and totally going against my orders, it gave me the perfect opportunity to force you closer. I knew I should stop sending for you, stop finding reasons to visit the kitchen or order you to bring me trays, but damn doll, you were too fucking exciting to walk away from.

“The day you beat me at chess, you were so fucking proud of yourself, and I realized that instead of being pissed, I was proud of you too. I knew I had a spitfire on my hands, and damn if that didn’t make my dick hard.” His voice lowered a bit, so that you held your breath in order not to miss a single word. “But it wasn’t until that first outing together in the woods, when you killed that walker and saved my fucking hide, that I realized I was done for. That I might as well throw down my crown because the king had been captured, and the game was over.”

You thought back to that day, to the kiss and the look in his eyes afterward. Had you known back then? Possibly, but you never would’ve admitted it to yourself, not at that point. You felt a lump start to form in your throat, eyes blinking rapidly in an effort not to tear up. And you would have succeeded, damn it, if not for his next words.

“I tried to fight it, to fight you. Hell I almost got you fucking killed by chasing you out of here, and all because of my own fucking stubborn pride. I’d never hated myself as much as I did in that moment, when we found you lying injured in the fucking woods. I’ve loved and lost, more than any man should, but...the thought of losing you was what almost ruined me.”

Tears trickled down your cheeks in cool rivulets. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you whispered. Hell, if you had known all of this a bit earlier, maybe you wouldn’t have hesitated to talk things out. Wouldn’t have held back as much as you did. 

Giving a self-deprecating smile, he said, “Because I’m a fucking idiot. But also because every time I considered it, you’d fucking pull away. I would’ve claimed you publicly as mine weeks ago, but you about had a god damn heart attack anytime there was a chance someone might see us getting fucking cozy together. I could practically hear the fears and doubts whirring around in your head the last few days, so I took the coward’s way out and tried to halt those thoughts by repeatedly fucking you any chance I got, until you were too exhausted to overthink.” 

He had meant the words to make you laugh, but instead you suddenly felt overwhelmed. Your stupid eyes wouldn’t stop watering, and if you weren’t careful your nose would start clogging up too. You had always been jealous as hell of women who could cry prettily, because you definitely weren’t one of them. 

You tried to school your features, tried to put on at least a thin mask of “I’m fine, totally fine” but more tears followed by a hiccuped sob escaping your lips said otherwise. You unwrapped your arms from his neck in order to press a hand to your mouth in an effort to try and stifle the emotions leaking out. 

“No,” he said, stern enough to jolt you out of the overanalyzing spiral your brain wanted to jump down. 

Pulling your hand away from your mouth with a gentle but firm grip, he clasped it between his own hands. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” you asked. 

Lifting one hand, he used his thumb to brush away the tear sitting stubbornly on the middle of your cheek. “Don’t do what you did last time. Don’t hide from me again.” 

Sighing, you nodded in agreement. “Fine, but it would be nice if one of these times it was you crying and not me.” 

Humor was a mask of its own, one both of you used to cover up emotions. However, since you were standing there with red-rimmed eyes and he had just verbally confessed his emotions more in the last few minutes than he probably had during the rest of the apocalypse combined, you both deserved a bit of humor. 

“The day that happens, I might as well just chop off my dick and fucking hand that over as well,” he joked back, causing you to smile and shove at him playfully. 

Giving an exasperated sigh, you said “I can’t believe I’ve been so dumb about all of this, thinking...well, assuming totally incorrect things. Guess that’s what I get for not trying to just talk it out.” 

He gave you a mock-stern expression and said, “Well, then let this be a fucking lesson.” He used two fingers to point at your eyes and then at his own, and back to yours. “Partners, remember.”

God, you loved the way that word rolled off his tongue. It was exactly what you had always secretly hoped to find with a man: an equal partnership. Sure, Negan was still the leader of the Sanctuary and had the role of badass motherfucker to uphold, but at the heart of things you stood on equal ground, and your thoughts and feelings and opinions mattered just as much as his own. Not to mention, you would dare him to deny that you were the leader of the kitchen staff. And hey, there was a lot of power in being the one in charge of making sure the entire community was fed. And the fact that he didn’t want to take any of that away from you, that he was proud of your accomplishments, made you fall for him even more. 

“Partners,” you agreed with a nod, running a hand up over his chest. Fingers traced his strong, masculine features before running up into his hair to map the streaks of salt among the pepper. 

Eyes brightening with desire, he stared with laser focus down at your mouth, his nostrils flaring as he watched your teeth subconsciously nibble on your lower lip as you took in this handsome man who was yours. All yours. Seeing the intent in his gaze and knowing where this was about to go by the sudden tensing of his muscles for action, you pressed your other hand against his chest lightly and said, “Wait, one more thing. I have a request.”

“Name it,” he said without hesitation.

“Um...this might seem a bit random, but is there any way you could bump Simon up to having a single room?” When Negan looked at you in slight bewilderment, you continued, “That way Ben can visit whenever he wants.”

His brows lowered, and you were afraid he was going to dismiss the issue as not important, so you pressed on. “In all honesty, it was Ben’s insistence that I be honest and talk things out with you that helped push me to say what I did tonight. I kinda owe him.”

The unspoken words were that Negan kinda owed him too, and his scowl said that he heard them loud and clear. With a slight huff, he grumbled, “I’ll see what I can fucking do.”

Giving a wide smile, you stood up on tiptoe and planted a very grateful kiss on his lips, with tongue included. Pulling back a bit, you whispered against his mouth, “I’d love to see what you can fucking do.”

At that, he scooped you up into his arms with a growl and strode into the bedroom, where he then proceeded to spend a good portion of the night showing you just how thoroughly captured the king really was.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Extra Author’s Note: Holy crap, was I nervous af to post this chapter. I feel like so much has been building to this conversation between You and Negan, and I wasn’t sure how readers were going to feel about it. I know some people were expecting more drama and angst, especially since this is about the time that romance novels usually throw in the so-called “third act conflict”. However, I personally find it pretty annoying when that conflict is some form of unneeded miscommunication or lack of communication, followed by the characters being apart for a period of time and then coming back together in one grand gesture before bam, an abrupt ending where you’re to expect them to live happily ever after with no more issues. 

Instead, I had You and Negan do that earlier in the fic, with the “Confrontation” chapter where they royally fucked up and had to stumble their way back together, followed later by the pregnancy test argument where they started to fuck up but then both broke their unhealthy fight cycle (You did this by walking away and Negan did it by going after her and deciding to actually listen). And now, with this chapter I wanted to showcase their growth and how they’ve learned enough from past mistakes to move forward. Some people might see this chapter as too fluffy, but I saw it as a way to show two grown ass adults finally laying down their emotional shields and communicating in an open and healthy manner. At this point, I thought Negan and You deserved that, and I hope y’all agree. 

Whether you loved it, hated it, didn’t care, all of the above, etc, please feel free to let me know. I’m so so curious to hear what people thought of this chapter, and if what I was hoping to showcase came across in a satisfying way. Thanks for reading! I’ll be back with more updates after Camp Nano! <3

[zeldas-cigarrette]

Now, I’ll drive alone past your street. (Ⅱ)

A/n: This is the sequel to my last post, I couldn’t write any smut, I wasn’t in the mood for it. Just wait for another story in which I’ll definitely include it !!! If you have any requests, feel free to leave them somewhere ^^ And thank you so much for the interaction on my last post:))

Part 1

Word count: 1,635

Warnings: none

Zelda Spellman x female witch reader

———————————————————————

It pained you when sudden thoughts about Zelda flickered in your head. Although you decided on leaving for a while, you missed her, Hilda, Ambrose, and Sabrina. The wittiness of Hilda when you came down for breakfast, looking like a complete mess. Sabrina when she was onto something, including you in every step of the way. And Ambrose, when he was fuzzing about the mess his younger cousin had caused again.

The sudden ring of your cell phone tore you out of thoughts. Hilda’s caller ID showed up just as it did the past week. You’ve always been too afraid to pick up, scared of listening to her ranting about you letting her sister marry this man. But unlike the other times, the Brit has called, now you were brave enough to answer the call. Maybe Zelda fulfilled her task and became High Priestess?

„Y/n, I tried to reach you all week” Hilda hastily explained. „I know, I know but-“

„There is no time for explanations, you need to come back. Something’s wrong with Zelda” she cut you off while unsteadily breathing into the speaker.

You hesitated to speak, not being sure what you shall say. You loved the red-headed witch too much to let her suffer. „I’ll be there Hilda,” you said and quickly ended the conversation.

You knew it was about time to go back and fight for your love and show Father Blackwood who’s in charge.

✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩

It didn’t take long for you to teleport you back to the mortuary, you left a few of your belongings where you’d stayed. You took a deep breath before knocking on the red front door. The familiar scent of your friends home crept up your nose and you started to loosen your tension. „Praise Satan you’re here, come in quick” the British woman rambled and pulled you inside.

„What’s going on?” You asked curiously. „My sister has changed during her honeymoon, it’s just as if she’s under some kind of spell.”

You nodded and hung your coat onto one of the hooks. „She does everything Blackwood asks her, Zelda would do anything to protect our family and now that bloke tries harms us and she just agrees with everything” Hilda explained and you knew immediately what she was trying to say. „And, Ambrose is said to have killed the Anti Pop. Nicholas Scratch helped him get away before Blackwood could lay his hands on him” she added pulling a grimacing face.

„I will go to the academy and inspect the situation myself, we will fix this mess” you tried to reassure her. The witch nodded and led you into the kitchen where the two cousins sat, pondering over how to help her aunt. „You’re back Y/n!” Sabrina exclaimed and hugged you tightly. A smile formed on your lips. Deep down you were happy to be back even though it took you some time to realise.

The darkness slowly came over Greendale and millions of stars peppered the night sky. „I will head to the academy and see what happened to your aunt and in which condition she is” you informed them and drummed your fingers on the tabletop. „Be careful, Blackwood is crazy at the moment. His misogyny went up to a new level” the young witch rambled worriedly. „I’ll take care.”

You grabbed your coat before leaving the house, inhaling the sweet scent that lingered in the house once more.

✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩

Arriving at the academy, a weird feeling spread in your gut. You entered the school for witches and warlocks, having an exact destination to where you wanted to go. You walked through the halls of the academy searching for either Zelda or Blackwood. A sharp pain shot through your arm when a hand grabbed you and pulled you into a room.

The facet of the person immediately let you know who it was. „Blackwood” you explained and freed yourself from his tight grip. „You ought not to be here” the sharp tone in his voice sent shivers down your spine. „I came to speak to Zelda.”

He eyed me. „Wife!” The High priest yelled and waited impatiently for Zelda to come. Seconds passed before a woman in a flower dress entered the room. „Would you give us a few minutes?” your voice thickly filled with annoyance. The warlock just nodded and left the room.

„Zelds, what happened?”

„I don’t know what you mean?” her voice almost pitching. „Honey, you can tell me” your hand reached for hers. „But there is nothing to tell. If you excuse me now, I ought to make tea for my beloved husband.”

Her words sounded surreal, fake just simply not like Zelda. A hopeless sigh escaped your lips, you should’ve told her how wrong it was to marry that bloke. The only thing to hear was the sound of her music box.

✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩

„It’s like she’s a doll” you took a sip of water before continuing, „no free will, and devoted to someone she said she’d overthrow.”

Hilda’s gaze wandered through the room. Footsteps echoed through the Spellman house, both of you looked at each other before stepping in the hallway.

You two saw her walking in the kitchen having her hand draped over something. Hilda followed her sister closely. The next thing you heard was high pitched screams from Sabrina who must’ve been in the kitchen. Your legs moved as fast as they could to see what was happening. Zelda stood there, wounding a mouse through the meat grinder. „Aunt Zel, why did you do that? That was our only chance to save Ambrose?” Sabrinas said stunned while her mouth fell agape.

I didn’t know what she was talking about, but surely Leviathan, who now was just a mashed version of itself, played its role in it. „I think I know what’s going on!“ Hilda exclaimed and it looked just as if a light bulb appeared over her head. „Sabrina, you have to get that music box from Zelda’s room in the Academy“ her aunt explained. The teenage witch nodded. Her aunt expected her to leave but that wasn’t the case, she somewhat teleported the box.

Zelda just stood there, staring at the mashed familiar. You couldn’t deny the fact that you were curious about how she teleported a box to her, but you suppressed the thought until you knew what was going on with your toner girlfriend. „Open it up darling” Hilda demanded her niece, „this has to be some kind of Caligari spell.” „What spell?” You asked genuinely interested. „A spell, typically used by old warlocks, to turn their wives into conscious witches aware of every action, yet, unable to make their own choices” the Brit explained and pulled out a photo of the music box.

„Just smash it and our Zelda should be freed from the spell,” Hilda told Sabrina who now held the picture in her hands. With a loud thud, the glass of the frame was broken, leaving a confused Zelda. You saw her facial expression change when she laid eyes on you. „Zelda is it you?” you asked nearly on the verge of tears.

You knew how stupid it was, leaving her alone with the whole situation, telling her she was better off without you. „Y/n...” the woman stuttered not daring to look away from you. You couldn’t contain your happiness and relive of having her back, you stepped closer and hugged her in a hurry. Her hands instantly sneaking around your waist, pressing you close to her body.

„I was an idiot, Zelda Spellman and I am sorry for how I behaved” you whispered in her ear. Her red locks were spreading on your face, you inhaled her scent. „Don’t worry, I must admit it was my fault too. How could I ask my girlfriend if I could marry another guy?" she mumbled in your shoulder and pressed yourself just a little closer to her body. „Alright, lovebirds” Sabrina sighed and let herself fall back on one of the kitchen chairs.

You loosened your hug and drew back to look at her. „Why don’t we get you something proper to wear?” You suggested and eyed her flower dress. „Satan, wearing this dress the whole time, internally drove me mad” Zelda admitted and tugged on the hem of her dress.

You took her hand in yours and softly moved your thumb over her skin. The fiery woman was broken, you saw it in her green eyes. Gently, you pulled her after you, scared she might break if you’d do it more hastily. Arriving in front of her bedroom door, you were hesitant if she’d even want you to come in put she slightly pushed you towards the door. „Don’t blame yourself, you had every right to leave. I wouldn’t want to see how you marry someone else” the witch remarked after a long silence. „I just feel like I could’ve prevented you from the pain,” you told her.

Zelda just shook her head and patted next to her on the bed. You followed her plea and sat next to the witch, staring down at your hands. „I haven’t told you this for weeks now, but I love you,” the older woman said and took your hand into hers. You slowly placed your head on her shoulder. „I love you too, but never ever marry anyone again as long as we are together” you had to add that. „Never” she mouthed before planting soft kisses along your jawline. „As dominant as ever” you giggled before the woman pressed you down on the bed beneath.

The room was filled with ecstasy and lust after Zelda was finished pleasuring you. You snuggled closer to her chest, not daring to leave her side again. Zelda’s red locks covering your face once more, made you feel comfortable with falling asleep. ‘You’ll be there for her on every step of the way, no matter how much strength it may take’ you thought to yourself before sleep hit you.

—————————————————————

[tinyboxxtink]

"Not My Yacht" *Chapter 4*

Part 3

Part 5

Mwahahahahaha!

Okay so-- obviously, this story is taking place in an alternate universe. Clearly. I need you all to follow me along on this journey, suspend your disbelief, yeah? I did my best at a backstory, I went over it for a long time. I'm pretty sure every detail is covered. If not, I apologize, let me know and I'll fix it.

I think this is gonna be one hell of a ride, people. I'm super excited, are you?!

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

(should I keep tagging @storiesofsvu ? I'm gonna do it until she says for the love of god STOP. 😂)

--------------------------

There was a very long, awkward pause before Rafael finally spoke:

“....What did you just say?”

“Please don’t make me repeat it,” You bit your lip as you looked at him with very sad, still very frightened eyes.

“I...I don’t…how...why...HOW is this man your husband?!”

“I...Well, he--” You muttered.

“He’s a PSYCHOPATH, Y/N!”

“Well he wasn’t when I met him!” You screamed unintentionally. You hadn’t meant to be that aggressive, but your instincts kicked in whenever a man yelled at you now.

“...I mean, I guess he was but you just said it yourself: He’s smart. He’s slick. He was sweet and charming and handsome, and I just-- we just-- “

“He seduced you,"

"I fell in love with him, Rafael! Jesus, it wasn't a one night stand. We were in love," You took a shaky breath. "Look I was a young, naïve, impressionable broke college student, okay? And he-- he was kind, and generous, and--”

“I don’t, I can’t have this conversation with you,” He started to walk into his secret room to get your clothes so that you could leave.

“No, please Rafael,” You grabbed his arm. “Please, let me explain? Please,” You pleaded with him.

“....Fine,” He sighed, unable to ignore your whimpers and tears.

“He wooed me, he gave me everything and anything I asked for. He lived in this giant loft uptown, I thought he was amazing. Looking back on it now, the loft was probably owned by people that he murdered and he’d kill people to get things I wanted, but I didn’t know that at the time!” You paced the floor while thinking out loud.

“And then when he asked me to marry him, I was ecstatic! I thought it was going to be my fairy tale ending before I was even 25, I didn’t know--” You suddenly stopped pacing and stopped talking, the memories of that period in your life coming back to you in disturbing waves.

Rafael saw how much you were in distress telling your story. Even though he was disgusted that you were ever intimate with this lunatic, he couldn’t help but feel for you. He stood up and took your hand, leading you to the leather couch in the corner of the room. He sat you down and motioned for you to continue if you could, while still holding your hand.

“I didn’t know that he was just trying to get me to be-- ‘his’, so that he could do whatever he wanted to me,” You barely got the words out while you still burned holes into the carpet with your eyes.

“Oh God, Oh-- Y/N,” He took your other hand but didn’t force you to look up; he wanted you to tell the rest on your own time.

“After we got married he started hitting me for stupid stuff like putting the dishes in the dishwasher wrong, or folding the towels the wrong way. And then he’d--” You felt tears catch in your throat. “He’d make me have sex with him whenever he wanted,”

“Carino,” Rafael instinctively put his arms around your shoulders, pulling you closer towards him. He just wanted to comfort you, he didn’t want to think about what else that monster did to you.

“I--- I didn’t know what to do. I had just graduated, he was paying for my law school, he was paying for everything I had in my life. I felt like I was trapped, so I just-- I put up with it,” You tried not to cry, you swore a long time ago you wouldn’t waste any more tears on him. But right now you couldn’t help it.

“But then it started getting worse,” You finally raised your head to look at him. “He started beating me when he was angry over other things, sometimes within an inch of my life,”

Rafael didn’t know what to say, he knew you weren’t finished so he just kept rubbing the back of your palms with his thumb comfortingly.

“I finally knew either I had to leave, or die,” You got your tears under control as you remembered how strong you had to be back then. And ever since. “So one day when he was on one of his ‘business trips’-- which now I know were probably killings or heists or worse, I packed everything I could fit into two suitcases and I just-- I left,” You sighed.

“I didn’t have anywhere to go. My parents live in Florida, I didn’t really have friends at school, which wouldn’t have mattered anyway because without him paying for it I had to drop out. I slept on the streets for months!” You unconsciously moved closer into Rafael’s chest as you relived the horror.

“Finally I-- I did something that I never thought I would do in a million years, but I was desperate Rafael. You have to understand that,” You looked at him with a terrified look, like he was about to kick you out of his office for real after what you were about to say.

“I do,” He put a hand to your face. “Whatever you’re going to say, I understand,”

“Okay,” You nodded softly. “I...I became an escort,” You turned away from him and his soft hand on your cheek. Even though he just assured you he understood, you could feel the judgement.

“Not a hooker,” You quickly added, like that made it any better. “An escort-- for older, wealthy gentlemen callers,”

“Ah,” He nodded. “I see,”

“...I changed my name, cancelled all my credit cards and got new ones in my new name. And I started making pretty good money. Enough for a small apartment and food anyway,” You continued. “I had accepted the fact that my life was going to be just what it was at that time-- living my life out as a whore,”

“You’re not, and never were and never will be, a whore Y/N,”

“Rafael, please,” You shook your head with a sarcastic laugh. “Maybe I was a fancy whore, but still one nonetheless,”

“No you--” He didn’t want to get into female derogatory slurs with you right now, so he just let it go. “...Okay, continue,”

“So then I just-- got lucky,” You played with the buttons on his shirt once again nervously. “I shouldn’t say lucky, that’s awful to say about a person’s death,”

“...Death?”

“Yeah um,” You picked harder at the buttons. “A regular of mine, Bartholomew Ridgewood. He was a very wealthy stockbroker who had no family or friends, just-- me, apparently,” You shrugged. “He had a heart attack and died, and then his estate contacted me to let me know that he had left his entire fortune and penthouse to me,”

“Seriously?” Rafael almost laughed at the crazy notion.

“I know right?!” You suddenly exclaimed. It really sounded like something out of a soap opera. “So, I used the money to immediately enroll back in law school, and got a job with Rita, and-- here I am,” You motioned towards yourself, in a ‘ta da’ fashion.

“So, let me get this straight,” Rafael began going over detail of your story in his head. “You actually have a huge fortune, but you’re still going to law school, AND holding down a job?”

“...Yeah,” You pushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Why?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Why?” You half laughed. “Well for one, because I don’t ever want to have to depend on a man’s wealth to survive ever again,”

“How would that even happen? Did you blow through it that fast?”

“No!” You suddenly stood up in anger, not believing he was questioning you now. “But it still scares me that something will happen to it, and I’ll be helpless again,” You crossed your arms. “And two, I want to help people like me, without a voice. And three, a recommendation from the District Attorney to any law firm is a very highly coveted accomplishment, Rafael,”

“Right,” He nodded. “So much more coveted than a lowly DA’s recommendation,”

“Are you-- Are you serious?” You laughed in disbelief. “Wha--How, HOW did you get to that from any point in my horror story?”

“I don’t-- I don’t know, maybe if I had known you sooner I could have protected you,” He rubbed the back of his neck. Why DID he say that? Why was he suddenly jealous that you had consciously chosen to work for Rita over him? Why did that even matter at this point?

“No, you couldn’t have,” You shook your head as you sat back down next to him. “I got away from-- By the way he went by Tommy Richmond back then, if you want to add that to your case file,” You pointed to the folder on the desk.

He stood up and walked over to it, pulling papers out of the folder and examining each identity he had found so far. Tommy was on the list from a few years ago. Eric Braverman was next on the list, then Eddie Warshack and then Billy Forsythe, before William Lewis. Eric’s ID was from Connecticut, Eddie from Pennsylvania, and Billy from Ohio.

“....So this shows that once he left New York he went south, but then came back up? That doesn’t make any sense,” He flipped through the papers as thoughts ran through his brain.

“Doesn’t it though?” You stood up and walked over to the desk. “He came back for me. He’s probably looking for me. Maybe he thought I fled the state and he went looking and came back,” Your face turned paler the more you thought out loud.

“I have to get out of here,” You suddenly decided out loud. You briskly walked to the secret room and pulled your clothes out with one minute left on the dryer, but you didn’t care. You were quickly putting them on when Rafael ran in after you.

“What? No, no you don’t,” He tried to stop you from unbuttoning his shirt. “Not now that I know he’s looking for you, you’re not going anywhere,”

“Look Rafael,” You stopped undressing and looked at him very seriously. “He’s smart, and he’s fast. I’ll bet you right now that he is doing some very specific research on anyone that was in that station the day you picked him up. And that includes you,”

“And why would he waste time on that if he’s looking for you?” Rafael raised a curious eyebrow.

“Well obviously if he thinks he’s at risk of being caught I’m the furthest thing from his mind right now! And he’ll study you all like lab rats, trying to figure out your fears and weaknesses, and prey on them. That’s exactly how he manipulated me,”

“So he researched you?”

“No, I don’t think he needed to back then! I just fell into his arms, no hard work on his end required,” You scoffed at your naivete as a young girl.

“....So why do you need to leave?” He crossed his arms.

“Because he’ll figure out we’re....involved,” You gestured between the two of you.

“Involved?” He half laughed. “Y/N we haven’t even-- we haven’t done anything but talk!”

“And yet I’m standing here in your office in only my underwear and your shirt like you said, a sex fantasy!” You gestured to your still scantily clad body.

That gave Rafael an idea.

Without warning his arms were suddenly around your waist, pulling you roughly into his awaiting mouth. You were shocked at first, but soon welcomed his tongue into yours as it began exploring your mouth. His hands slowly moved up your waist through his shirt, approaching your bare breasts. Before he could reach them, you pushed him away.

“What the FUCK are you doing?!” You yelled angrily. “Do you really think now is the appropriate time to do this?”

“Well, if Lewis thinks we’re ‘fraternizing’, shouldn’t we actually ‘fraternize’?” He gave you a smirk.

“He doesn’t think anything yet! I have no idea where he is, you have no idea where he is,” You sighed in frustration.

“I do know where he is,” He traced your palms with his finger sensually. “He’s locked in the tank at the station,”

“...Really?” You were suddenly feeling much safer, and arousal quickly came along with it.

“Really,��� He nodded, cupping your head in his hands by your jawline so his thumbs ran against the side of your temples. He gently massaged them, making you relax even more.

“...And you’re not just trying to have sex with me so I won’t run off on you?” You did your best to keep your wits about you, but it was growing increasingly difficult with the smell of his cologne wafting from his hands into your nose. It was intoxicating.

“Maybe I am,” He chuckled, “Or maybe, I’m just acting on things I know we’ve both felt since yesterday on that boat,”

“That’s assuming a lot, counselor,” You bit your lip as you tried desperately not to look down at his mouth while he moved his face closer.

“Is it, though?” His smirk grew more devilish as he continued to close the gap between your lips.

“I…” You tried thinking of anything but his tongue inside you, but it was a losing battle. “....Screw it,”

You grabbed his head and thrusted it against your burning lips as your tongues once again began to do a tango in between your mouths. His hands moved upwards quicker this time, and this time you let them. You jumped onto him, wrapping your legs around his waist as he fell against the desk to support your weight. He picked you up and carried you to the leather couch, laying you down and crawling on top of you while never removing his mouth from yours.

You were both so happy and so enthralled with each other you didn’t notice the door was cracked open, and two dark eyes peering behind it.